Nightbitch (2024) Movie Script
That's a loud...
Yeah.
I'm a robot.
And a spider.
And a spider.
No.
No, no, no, no.
Okay. Okay. Babe, stop.
Stop.
- Oh, we need some crunchy snacks, right?
- Hi!
Oh, hi. Oh, my God.
Sally, what are you doing here?
I'm visiting my mom for the weekend.
Baby, this is Sally.
Yeah, Sally took over your mom's job
at the gallery after you were born.
Oh, he's super cute.
Do you just love getting to be home
with him all the time?
Must be so wonderful.
Yeah. I mean, that's a...
that's a good question, you know?
But it's complicated though
because, I mean,
I would love to feel content.
But instead, I feel like I'm just stuck
inside of a prison of my own creation
where I torment myself
until I'm left binge eating
Fig Newtons at midnight
to keep from crying.
And I feel like societal norms,
and gender expectations,
and just plain old biology,
have forced me to become this person
that I don't recognize,
and I'm just angry all the time.
Like, all the time. Like...
And, you know, I would love to direct
some of my own artwork
towards a critique
of the modern day systems
that articulate this,
but my brain just doesn't function
the way that it did before I had the baby,
and I'm dumb now.
And I am deeply afraid
that I am never going to be smart,
or happy, or thin ever again.
Do you just love getting to be home
with him all the time?
Must be so wonderful.
Oh, yeah, I do. I love it.
I do. I love being a mom.
Seven, eight.
Wow.
Yucky.
Look it... Look at the house.
I do it for the joy
Uh-oh.
Because I'm a joyful girl
I'm hungry.
Because the world owes me
I'm gonna eat you.
Nothing
And we owe each other the world
I do it because it's the least
I can do
Ooh! That scared me.
Up to the moon!
To the moon!
And I do it just because I want to
Are you okay?
Four, five.
Where's the duck one?
Where?
No!
You know.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight,
nine, ten.
You light a fire
early in your girlhood.
You stoke it and tend to it.
You protect it at all costs.
You don't let it rage
into a mountain of light,
because that's not becoming of a girl.
You keep it secret.
You let it burn.
It's from this point, this fire,
you can create and fight
and push your way through the world.
It's from this fire
that you can birth something new.
A new version of yourself
or a whole new person
who didn't exist
before you squeezed them into the world.
A person who will one day
pee in your face without blinking.
Let's go see the truck.
Let's go, yeah.
Where's the...?
- The what?
- The...
- The truck?
- Yeah.
It's up the street.
It's up the street?
Yeah.
- Is the truck there?
- Yeah.
We have to put that on the street again.
- Yeah?
- Yes.
They're going to...
next to the street with the green truck.
- He's on the back of that.
- You think so?
Oh, he looks pretty strong.
I bet he can do it.
No.
No, it turned away.
- Higher.
- Higher?
How high?
- Higher up to the moon.
- To the moon?
We're going inside.
This?
Yeah, we're gonna go in there.
That's what we're doing.
- Yeah.
- We can go.
People can't say no to us.
They can't say no to us. That's right.
- Hi, Norma.
- In the ocean, too.
Some decomposers even help clean water.
- Book Babies.
- Wow. I had no idea.
Oh, shit.
I go for a ride on my favorite bike
I'll tell you what I see
It's a warm summer day
as I pedal by the lake
And right in front of me
Is a poor little duck
with a bill too big
And eyes like buttered peas
His feathers are pink...
The problem is I just don't enjoy
the company of other moms.
...on water skis
Oh, what's up with that duck?
What's up with that duck?
Oh, what's up...
I think becoming friends
with another woman
simply because we're both mothers
is pathetic.
What's up with that duck?
I go for a drive in my favorite car
- I'll tell you what I see...
- Of course, if I happen to meet
a beautiful, smart, hilarious woman
and we became friends,
we bond over hating Book Babies.
He's putting on skates
and as he makes figure eights
- No. No.
- I see he's munching...
Oh, what's up with that duck?
What's up with that duck?
Oh, what's up with that duck?
What's up with that duck?
It's time to say goodbye
Goodbye to our friends
Thanks for singing along
Oh, thank God.
We had lots of fun
but this is our final song
So goodbye to...
Zarah Beverly.
And goodbye to...
Caden.
And goodbye to...
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Mom!
I'm not coming here...
I'm gonna fuck you up.
I'm the worst mother
in the world.
Do you... Oh, I'm sorry.
Do you like paint and sip?
You're an artist, right?
Did I tell you that?
Oh, we chatted at mommy-baby yoga.
Just for a sec though. Jen.
- So, do you paint or do something else?
- No.
I used to do more immersive art,
- sculptures, and found materials.
- Oh, like installations?
Sorry to eavesdrop.
I just... I'm a big art fan.
- Oh, are you?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- She is.
- Me, too.
I used to live in the city
and I spent my lunch breaks
at the Modern, like, every day.
I showed some work at the Modern once.
- Wow.
- Wow.
But that feels like a lifetime ago, so...
- Yeah.
- Right.
- Totally.
- Definitely.
- We get it.
- Yeah.
I used to be a stripper...
if you can believe that.
It was fun though,
but just for a little while, not...
The before times.
Yes. Yes.
- Gosh.
- Right.
You know, I really have to
get him home for his nap.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Yeah.
- Okay.
- Well, maybe we'll see you next week.
Yeah. He's tired.
Yeah, of course.
Aww... Yes.
- So cute.
- Yeah.
I know.
- Oh, my gosh.
- I love her.
- She's fun.
- She's fun, huh?
She is.
"Goodnight, goodnight, construction site.
Down in the big construction site,
the tough trucks work
with all their might."
They washed their feet.
"Reaching, stretching, lifting high,
he swings the beams into the sky."
"So no more huffing and puffing, teams."
What's this one?
Look at his big teeth.
Where is it?
Where is it?
"One by one, they'll go to bed
to yawn and rest their sleepy heads."
Now, I'm yawning.
Can I get down?
No, we're gonna go sleepies, remember?
No.
- No.
- Please?
No.
- No.
- Aren't you so tired?
- All...
- No.
- All the vehicles are tired.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
Who is the dad?
No, no, no. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
All right.
- Now, let's sleep again.
- No.
It's okay. Yeah, I know.
It's okay.
We'll just play quiet mouse game.
Do you wanna play quiet mouse?
Can you be quiet mouse?
Candy.
- Honey.
- No.
No.
No.
No!
It's my fault he doesn't sleep.
I shouldn't be mad at him.
Now, everybody told me,
but I just didn't listen
because I liked it when he slept
on my chest like a cozy warm heater.
I should've put him down drowsy,
but still awake like all the books said,
and then he would have great sleep habits
for the rest of his life.
And I would always have a clean kitchen,
a good sex life,
and life would be amazing.
But now I fucked that up.
Now what?
Maybe if I don't move, he won't see me.
Mwah.
I love you.
Yum.
I love you.
I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- Oh.
Mommy.
Let's play horsey.
Okay.
All around the mulberry bush
Where something chased the weasel
Monkey thought it was really fun
Pop goes the weasel
Is that good?
Mama fuzzy.
What?
I'm not fuzzy.
Mama fuzzy.
Where am I fuzzy?
- Right here.
- Ow!
Oh, goody.
What fresh hell awaits you today?
I've got some gray hairs.
A lot of gray hairs and some...
new wrinkles.
Huh...
Huh.
Okay.
Well, that's where we're at.
Okay.
Let me get some tweezers.
Daddy, daddy, daddy.
Hey, bud.
Uh-oh. Spaghetti-O.
Sometimes, I swear, it's like
they don't realize that I have a life.
I'd much rather be here at home
with you guys
than sitting at some hotel room
at 11:00 o'clock at night,
typing up reports on a Thursday.
Oh, how annoying.
It really was.
Well, we had a fine week.
We went to Book Babies, didn't we?
Book Babies.
I thought you hated Book Babies.
Oh, I do.
You still alive, you old furball?
Speaking of furballs...
- What?
- I don't know. No.
- What?
- I shouldn't have brought it up.
Well, no. Tell me. What?
Well, I'm just...
I don't know. I'm having some weird
side effects from perimenopause.
I'm not sure.
Which is weird hairs
seem to be sprouting up.
Are you talking about your nipples?
No.
I-I don't know. I just feel off.
It's like I feel like I have
this heightened sense of smell,
kind of like when I was pregnant.
Mm.
Like the cat's butt
smells disgusting to me.
The cat's butt smells
disgusting to me too, though.
And look at my teeth. Hm?
See how sharp they are?
Right. Definitely.
That's weird.
Oh, honey. This is real.
This is not in your head.
Stop it.
You always think
that something's wrong with you.
Well, that's the thing
about being a hypochondriac,
is someday I'll be right
and you'll be sorry.
I can't remember the last time
that I washed this shirt.
You're living the dream.
Yeah, I'm the housewife
I never wanted to be.
You know, the hardest part
is that like I'm always on suicide watch.
Like, if I turn my head for just a second,
he's gonna stick a fork
into a light socket
or he's gonna walk off a cliff.
It's better than leaving him with those
awful ladies at that awful daycare.
Oh, that was heartbreaking.
If you wake him up,
I will rip your throat out.
Okay. Okay.
Look, I kind of thought
this is what you wanted, you know?
No more late nights
at the gallery, you know,
crying in the bathroom
while you pumped your boobs.
I did, I do, I do. I just...
Maybe if I could get a part-time job.
You know, the math doesn't totally add up.
You know, the likelihood that you'd make
more than we'd have to pay a sitter is...
Well, may... maybe when he starts school.
Yeah.
Just gotta hold out till kindergarten.
Yeah.
And then I think...
what right do I have to complain?
You know, it's a gift I get to stay home
with my baby all day long.
I should be grateful.
I would kill to stay home with him
every day, for what it's worth.
You think that you would,
but I assure you, you would not.
Two, three! Whoo!
One, two, three! Whoo!
- One, two, three.
- Three.
Whoo!
They're coming after...
All right.
What's next?
Um, bath time.
I got it.
Oh, thank you.
Who wants to do a daddy bath?
- Me.
- All right!
- Yeah! Say, "Woo-hoo, daddy bath!"
- Thank you.
Daddy bath.
That's right.
- Daddy bath.
- Daddy bath.
I'll take a bath, too.
Honey?
Can you grab him some toast?
He said he's hungry.
Honey, can you grab his sippy cup?
My hands are full.
Honey, you mind throwing
a towel in the dryer?
Warm it up for him?
What?
Nothing.
It's just when you're gone,
I do this by myself every day.
- What happened?
- I... nothin'.
Mama, Dada.
Mama, Dada.
- Mommy and Daddy.
- Mm.
Hey.
- Can you not hear him?
- What?
You fucking do something?
Here, buddy. Go to sleep.
- No.
- Okay?
Go to sleep.
Mama!
Ma...
Did you make coffee yet?
No, not yet.
Will you do it?
Sure.
Is it two scoops?
Well, I do three.
Alright.
So, last night, you were, um, kind of a...
Um...
A bitch?
Well...
You said it, not me.
Yeah.
Nightbitch.
I am Nightbitch.
That's not true.
Bye-bye, Dada.
Is Daddy gonna be back?
Yeah, he'll be back.
Enjoy getting four full nights of sleep.
Oh, honey.
Are you gonna be okay?
Yeah, I'll be fine.
You know, you should really stop worrying
about your weird hair growth or whatever.
You know, get on top of your week...
you know, structure, you know.
I read an article once
that said that structure
was the key to mental health.
You're gonna make up a plan,
draw up a schedule,
and treat it like it's your job.
Happiness is a choice.
Happiness is a choice.
I'll try.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Say, "Bye, Daddy."
Bye, Daddy.
Bye!
We'll do a tiny part and now I...
and I did this part, and then I did...
Mama!
Uh-huh.
Oh, my God.
Oh, wow. Where did you guys come from?
Hi.
Are these your dogs?
Oh, hi.
Mama.
Yeah. I guess they're nice.
Yeah.
- Hi.
- Who are these doggies?
I don't know.
Who do you belong to?
- Are these yours?
- No.
- Anybody?
- You smell like strawberries.
You smell like strawberries. She does.
We're coming with you.
Come on.
We'll chase the doggies, come on.
Let's get 'em!
Get 'em!
- Big dogs.
- Come on! Wait for us!
Wait for us!
You got it!
Come on!
Look at that.
Yeah, they're way down there.
We're gonna catch 'em, come on.
- You want me to carry you?
- Yeah.
Okay. Come on.
Let's get 'em!
Come on!
Fall down.
In the sweet by and by...
There was a great forgetting
when I left home.
Because to forget childhood
meant I had survived it.
We shall sing
on that beautiful shore...
But now, memories
are poking their way back in.
The melodious songs of the blessed
And our spirit shall sorrow no more
Not a sigh for the...
My mother once told me,
she almost became
a famous singer in Europe,
but she stayed back and had us instead.
...sweet by and by
We shall meet
on that beautiful shore...
What else did we see?
In the sweet...
Oh, there's one.
It's green.
What's green?
Okay. So we're gonna have
an art day, okay?
- Why?
- So it's gonna be a lot of fun, okay?
So we're just gonna put those paints.
- Careful.
- And a lots.
Lots, okay.
- There's... What color is this?
- Orange.
- Orange. Good job.
- And green.
And... yellow.
What are you gonna paint, hmm?
Now, what are you gonna make?
A circle.
Yeah. Put your fingers in it,
really get a feel of the paint.
- It's right...
- Yeah.
...here.
Great.
Okay. It's so nice.
Oh, yeah.
Beautiful.
- What are you gonna do?
- I'm gonna put paint on you.
- Oh, that's great.
- More paint.
That's great. I love this.
Ooh! Oh, are you okay?
- Yeah.
- Are you okay, honey?
- I'm gonna get more...
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, not on the wall.
You're free.
No rules today.
Oh, that is so creative.
Oh, I'm gonna touch your cheek.
Oh, thank you.
That's so nice. Thank you.
...all over.
It's great. Do it on the paper.
Come do it on the paper. Oh!
I'm gonna put it on my butt.
Baby...
Can you... can you not do that?
No, no, no, no, no, no!
No, no!
What's up with that duck?
What's up with that duck?
What's up with that duck?
Fuck!
Why do these memories
of my mother before she died
keep coming back to me?
Why now?
Oh, fuck!
Ow.
I'm hysterical.
I am hormonal, and I'm hysterical.
Hay...
smoke, honey.
A bit of fungal musk. Amazing.
Could I always smell like this,
or was I just not paying attention?
Or is a...?
Vegetables are very civilized.
Yes.
Dogs wouldn't buy vegetables.
Look.
- Ahh.
- Ah.
Huh.
It's you.
Hi.
No.
Oh!
Stop. No!
Mommy had a weird dream last night.
Do you wanna eat on the porch?
Yeah.
Oh, don't let the cat out.
Oh, honey, honey.
Yuck, yuck, yuck. Where did you get that?
No, no, no. Put it down.
Put it down. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.
Yuck.
Bunny.
- Come on.
- Why?
- Let's go inside, okay?
- Why?
We're gonna wash your hands.
- Why?
- Okay. It's yucky, huh?
- We don't want...
- It's yucky.
No, we don't wanna touch those, right?
Maybe you could give me
more of a sense
of what you're looking for.
Anything in the realm
of women turning into animals,
transformation, metamorphosis.
I'm doing a project.
I'm just looking
for a scientific perspective.
Or... metaphysical.
Well, there is this book,
it's labeled "mythical ethnography"
but it's... really, it's quite scientific.
Field Guide to Magical Women.
Have you heard of this?
- Thank you, Norma.
- Mm-hm.
- We're gonna get going.
- Yeah.
"My introduction to this topic
came about serendipitously.
I was interested in the ways
that womanhood manifests
on a mythical level.
The bird women of Peru lived in
tall leafy boughs in the rainforest
where they constructed intricate
and breathtaking nests
from sticks and reeds.
The bird women sprouted feathers
and beaks in their 60s,
but only after they had children
who had grown.
" The bird women
spent the latter parts of their lives
flitting from tree to tree,
producing the loveliest calls
and learning to fly."
Mama, poop.
Poop.
Oh, my...
- Mac and cheese.
- Mac and cheese, great.
One more.
Do some mac and...
Meatloaf.
- Can you share some...?
- What's that?
Can you share with me mac and cheese?
Mm-hm. Yeah, we're gonna share it.
That's right.
Oh.
I think I'm anemic.
All right. Here you go, baby.
Let's eat.
- Here.
- I need a fork.
Well, here.
Uh-oh.
Mmm...
That's real good, ain't it?
We're doggies, right?
Woof.
So much fun to have a boy, right?
We used to play dogs, too, my son and I.
Oh. So much fun, and he just loved it.
I didn't know that, that you had kids.
Oh, don't go, Norma.
Tell me about your son.
Did you work when he was little?
Did you make all of the right choices?
Is there anything
that you would've done differently?
Tell me the secrets.
Dada.
We're out of milk.
We are?
Yeah. We got 20 pounds
of raw meat and no milk.
Come on, buddy.
Can you shut the door?
I don't understand
how we're out of milk.
Because he drank it.
Yeah, but did you know?
Did I know?
Did you know that we were out of milk?
I don't know.
What is that supposed to mean?
This is the first shower
that I have had in a week.
I've been to the grocery store
three times,
but I haven't washed my body in four days.
So clearly I didn't know
we were out of milk
or I would've gotten some.
But you're welcome to go
to the supermarket with our son
and get some milk.
Oh, and pick me up some tampons
while you're there
because I think
I'm about to start to bleed
and this one's gonna be a doozy.
Okay.
That's enough, all right? Jeez.
Perfect.
- No.
- "Construction site all tucked in tight."
- No. No.
- Shh.
"The day is done, turn off the light.
Great work today now." Shh.
- No.
- Shh.
You don't want to go to bed?
Go to sleep, please.
- No.
- Please go to sleep.
I'm not going to sleep.
No.
No bed ever.
Nitro boosters.
See you later, suckers.
Is he down?
It's your turn.
He doesn't want me.
I don't care that he doesn't want you.
Hey, I have been doing
night-nights every night,
of every day for 200 years,
and it's fucking killing me.
You have to do night-nights.
It's your turn for night-nights.
All right.
But just for the record,
I don't like the term "night-night."
Okay. Okay. Okay.
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I just... I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I just...
I don't want anything else needing me
or touching me.
Over here.
What is it?
Take a look.
We should get out of here.
Let's split up.
Don't leave.
You wanna...
you know?
God, no.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.
I meant like...
That was like... that was a little harsh.
Well, I'm just in so much pain.
You have no idea.
- Okay. Well, like, I didn't know that.
- Well...
And also, I have eight nipples now,
and I fear you'll be repulsed.
No!
"In Hindu mythology,
Sarama is a she dog
serving the warrior-god, Indra.
She is the mother to all clawed creatures.
In Greek mythology,
the chimera embodied all things domestic
and motherly, a goat who nurses young
and cares for the home front
and simultaneously possesses
the qualities of a beast."
Mama?
If my mother were still alive,
I would have
some serious questions for her.
How did she deal with the anger,
the resentment for all that she didn't do?
How many women
have delayed their greatness
while the men around them
didn't know what to do with theirs?
I'd ask her if she ever regretted
becoming a mother.
Where should we go next, the mammals?
Sure.
Yeah? You wanna go there?
I don't... I don't wanna go to mammals.
I can't believe this.
- Here you are.
- Hey. Jen. Oh, wow.
It is so weird to see you out in the wild.
I mean, out of context.
- Hi. I'm Jen.
- Hi, Jen.
- So nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
So, are we gonna see you
at baby yoga or tyke hike this week?
Oh, no, another time.
Poo.
- Okay. Next time.
- Okay.
All right. Come on, kiddos.
Let's go see some more
dinosaur bones, right?
Who the hell was that?
She's just a mom from Book Babies.
Hm.
I think I'm having
a bit of a realization.
What's your realization?
I don't think I'm an artist anymore.
Oh, honey.
I don't know why I'm getting upset.
I'm not upset.
No, no, no, you don't...
you don't seem upset at all.
Because I just have...
this running list of all of the things
that I'm not doing every day,
and all of the ways
that I'm falling behind as an artist.
And I think that if I could focus
on what I am doing,
then I would be much happier.
I could... I could see that, yeah.
And I should focus on being
the best mom that I can be
and really enjoying
these moments with him,
because this isn't going to last.
He's growing up so fast.
Uh-oh.
And besides...
you know, being an artist
is like the most silly,
self-absorbed thing you can be.
It's truly an embarrassing job
to say out loud.
It's just such a relief
in just letting it all go, you know?
- Good.
- Yeah.
I'm just really focusing
on being in this moment with him.
Okay.
I mean, if that's what you want.
Yeah.
Okay.
We shall sing on that beautiful shore
Mama.
I am hair, and blood, and bone.
I am instinct and anger.
I know nothing but the night air.
I have one thought.
I am an animal.
I'm gonna crush its skull.
Blood! Blood, blood, blood!
Ooh, blood!
I was once a girl, then a woman,
a bride, a mother,
and now I will be this.
Where did you go?
I went for a run.
I needed to clear my mind.
Did you run barefoot?
You're so dirty.
Can I get in?
Sure.
I am a woman.
I am an animal.
I am new and also ancient.
I have been ashamed,
but I will be no more.
- Okay. Say, "Bye."
- Bye.
Can you give a good wave to Daddy?
- Bye, Daddy.
- Bye, Daddy.
There he goes.
Wave goodbye.
- Bye.
- Yeah.
- Should we go have some fun?
- What?
Should we do this?
Should we act like doggies?
Put down that chainsaw
and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies
grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite
Settle down, raise a family
join the PTA
Buy some sensible shoes
and a Chevrolet
Then party 'til you're broke...
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, that's... You!
Let's go
Squirrel. Let's go get it.
Come on.
Maybe this is the secret to happiness.
We're just animals.
Are you hiding out
on a boat, you silly puppy?
- Should I do ears?
- Yes.
It's for you.
Look. Look at this.
And do doggies
go night-night in their own beds?
Yes, they do.
And do doggies need binkies?
No.
That's so silly.
Dare to be stupid
- Woof.
- All right.
Goodnight, doggy.
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite off more than you chew
What can you do?
Dare to be stupid
Take some wooden nickels
Look for Mr. Goodbar
Get your mojo working now
I'll show you how
Dare to be stupid
You can turn the other cheek
- ...the other cheek
You can just give up the ship
You can eat a lot of sushi
never leave a tip
Dare to be stupid
- Come on and dare to be stupid
- Dare to be stupid
There you go, come on.
There.
Hi, Norma.
Look, baby, it's Norma.
Shh. It's a quiet area.
I just wanted to thank you
for that book recommendation.
I have to say, it was exactly
what I was looking for.
Just doing my job.
Well, look what the cat dragged in.
- Hi, ladies.
- Hi.
- He's a dog today.
- Oh.
- Sure.
- Yeah.
- Cute.
- "Wheels on the Bus," everyone.
- Yeah. Here. I save you a seat.
- Thank you.
The wheels on the bus
go round and round
Round and round, round and round
The wheels on the bus
go round and round
All through the town
You're not you anymore.
Oh, my God, you should join us
for our Friday morning hike, right?
- Yeah.
- Yes.
No, I really don't hike.
Oh, no. Don't worry.
We don't do anything too major.
You know, just a few miles early
in the morning before it gets too hot.
Sounds awful.
You're so funny. Oh, you're so funny.
I can't hike far these days.
Oh, yeah, how are you feeling? May I?
Of course.
You smell like strawberries.
Strawberry shampoo.
What was that?
Sorry, my sense of smell
is just really strong right now.
Tell me about it. I threw up
from the smell of the trash this morning.
That's because you're pregnant.
That's where it all starts.
There's a change in our genetic makeup.
Nobody talks about the cellular change
that happens when we become mothers.
Yes, nobody does.
Nobody tells you that
you're never gonna jump on
a trampoline again either. Right?
Not to mention,
that the whole concept of motherhood
that we're sold is such bullshit.
You're going to be expected
to figure the whole thing out
on your own
without any village to speak of.
You're going to get no maternal benefits
from the government.
You're going to get mocked
by popular culture.
And-and there's basically
a billion-dollar industry
that's designing products to make you feel
like you're a terrible mother.
But seriously, congratulations.
I mean, you're totally right.
My sister who lives in Berlin now
got two years paid maternity leave.
Wow.
I can't believe
I'm gonna go through this all again.
Birth.
That's so fucking intense.
How do you think Daniel will do?
He always tells the story
of my first birth
and how the doctor turned around
said, "It's time to get that baby out."
And there was a vein
popping on my forehead.
I was like a wild animal.
Yeah, a wild animal.
Oh, my God, yes.
My husband said the same thing,
that the sounds
coming out of me were pure animal.
He almost passed out.
- I mean, he's not good with blood, but...
- Yeah, right.
Do you ever feel
like the big secret is that we are gods?
What?
We fucking create life.
We make life.
We are so powerful.
I bet men are terrified of us.
I mean, look at you.
You are this miraculous goddess
growing bones as we speak.
I am pretty powerful.
Oh...
- Wow.
- Yeah.
I guess I just don't fully understand.
It's just a game.
We play dogs, and he loves it.
Hm.
And he's eating out of dog bowls?
Sometimes.
Yes, sometimes we eat
out of perfectly new,
never been used by a real dog, dog bowls.
And he's-he's-he's wearing a collar?
Well, he wanted to be domesticated.
I was against it, but...
- All right.
- And he sleeps in a dog bed.
- What now?
- No, but I don't have to lie with him
for hours until he falls asleep.
I just give him a little growl,
and then he gets into bed on his own,
and he falls asleep without his binky.
It's a miracle.
Look, I don't wanna be critical,
but don't you think
this might be a little bit confusing
for him?
Well, for him or for you?
Come on. You gotta admit
this is a little bit weird.
No, I don't.
I don't see what the problem is.
He is sleeping, which means
I'm sleeping for the first time
in two fucking years,
and I'm getting plenty of exercise.
So my back doesn't hurt
when I wake up anymore.
I mean, I'm just trying to have some fun.
When did you become so uptight?
- Bite my neck.
- Huh?
Bite my neck.
Okay.
Can you speak?
- Woof!
- Oh, good job.
- Woof speak.
- There you go.
It's just a little party trick
we're working on.
Right, the, uh, the dog thing.
Oh, you feel left out, honey?
No.
Here you go.
- Beg.
- Mm-mm.
Beg.
[pants
Good boy.
Oh, gosh, shut up.
We fed you, you stupid animal.
Stupid animal.
Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty.
I'm gonna throw you up on the roof
and let you starve to death up there.
And maybe a chicken hawk will swoop down
and grab him in its talons
while he's up there
and then take him up into the sky
and drop him from a very high height
into a deep quarry,
where heaving mining equipment
with caterpillar treads will repeatedly
run over its broken corpse.
- Where's the tunnel?
- Right there. That's the tunnel.
It's gonna blow the horn.
Yee-haw!
Hi.
Yee-haw!
Hey, I took your advice,
and I made a plan for us, a schedule.
- Oh, great.
- Yeah.
No, come see.
Okay.
So Monday, it's gymnastics play space.
Tuesday is Book Babies at the libraries,
my fave.
Wednesdays, mommy baby yoga.
Thursday is free day. See?
And Friday is a tyke hike.
See the pictures?
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Because if I'm gonna do this,
I should just really commit, right?
- Right.
- Right.
Um, oh, you remember that I said
that I would meet up with my friends
from grad school
in the city tonight, right?
Yes. Yes, I'm babysittin'.
It's not babysitting
when it's your own kid.
Whatever. You know what I mean.
I'm on bedtime duty
and you're going to have a grownup dinner.
Yeah. 9:00 p.m. which is four hours later
than I usually eat.
The wheels on the bus
go round and round
Round and round, round and round
It's got like an ironic wink to it.
I didn't get that.
I feel you have to come from a certain
background to feel that irony.
You know, work that is examining
social media like my piece is tricky.
- We've lost some objectivity.
- Right.
I'm working on a video piece
about one woman's day,
taking over 24 hours
side by side with an actress
who is acting out that same day
in that very same space.
Masturbating, shitting.
But how will you know
which woman is the woman?
Exactly.
That's the genius of it.
What it is to be watched.
Is anyone not watched?
Wow. That sounds really interesting.
Are you working on anything?
- Me?
- Mm-hm.
Oh, um... No, no.
No, I'm not really working on anything.
Nope.
We have a beautiful sea bass tonight.
It's served in a white wine reduction.
We also have homemade cavatelli
with chanterelles and fiddlehead ferns.
What's funny?
Oh, yeah.
Just my son and I,
we have this joke about fiddlehead ferns.
It's like we call them
fiddle dee-dee ferns.
I guess you just had to be there
because he has this two-year-old lisp.
He can't really say the fiddle dee-dee.
Could I have the cavatelli,
but without the chanterelle?
Yes.
I'll have the...
- the kale salad, please.
- What?
Kale salad.
What?
Um, the kale salad.
And another Manhattan.
And for you?
Mm. I'll have the lamb.
So Naya?
- Naya?
- Hm?
How's Liliana doing?
- Is she six now?
- Yes.
She's in first grade at the music academy.
And she's really into the cello,
as well the violin.
It's just amazing
watching her blossom, you know?
Wow.
Is-is it ever hard to balance it all,
like, motherhood and art?
Not really.
I mean, listen,
I couldn't do it without Christie.
Thank God for my nanny.
But...
I guess I'm a better mom
because of my work.
Yeah.
And I just,
I haven't lost myself, you know?
Mm-hm.
Oh, Freida...
application for the Founder's Grant.
- Did you get it in?
- Barely.
- I turned it in at like 2:00 a.m.
- What?
Like a fucking idiot.
You?
- I did it weeks ago.
- Mm.
And now we wait.
Well, I haven't even turned in
my application.
What am I gonna do?
Yeah, I bet everybody's wondering
where's my application.
- Sorry.
- We just got here.
I was just asking
how long does it take
- for a table to get ready?
- What are you doing?
- Whatever we wanted.
- You know what?
- Next time you pick the restaurant.
- The kale for you, ma'am.
You do this all the time.
- No, like, she...
- It's actually more of a meditation
- I believe from the perspective.
- Let's just call a spade a spade.
The show was the most important
artistic event of our lifetime.
- Yeah. I just don't see it that way.
- Yeah, but you always disagree.
Yeah, I think
that's a little bit overrated.
You're so hyperbolic. I mean...
...people was trash, and what was art?
I thought that went great.
I am a Zen cow.
I'm a Zen cow...
in a soothing green...
pasture.
Can I have, um...
Oh...
This kale.
It's just...
pushing it down further...
all of them,
rage and disappointment.
I thought that I had digested it,
but it is still down there
just burning a hole in me.
And the woman that I used to be, this...
talented...
plucky young woman with big ideas,
she's down there also...
in my intestines...
buried in kale.
She's biding her time.
Or maybe she's dead.
She suffocated.
And here I am...
up here in this...
beautiful lighting of this
beautiful fucking restaurant,
just this...
middle-aged saggy mom with...
nothing intelligent
to add to the conversation...
Insignificant.
Have you seen
Jermaine's installation at the Armature?
I'm dying to get to the nighttime
exhibit at Art Lucerne.
Oh, me too. We should go together.
Now, that... both were incredible.
Yes. But you do need to...
Yeah, you need to trust me
and knock it out there.
Oh, I'm sure she's able to get a lens...
whoever bought it for the show.
- The value only goes up.
- Yeah, absolutely.
Ugh, this kale is not sitting well.
What the fuck?
Oh, my God.
I could crush a walnut with my vagina.
Oh, my... What?
Come on
and feel the love like a sinner
Shout it louder
Shout it for the ones
who could never say
I wanna run and never come back.
I wanna never brush my hair ever again.
I want to stink.
I wanna be an artist,
and a woman,
and a mother.
I mean a monster.
I want to be a monster.
Oh, it's disgusting.
Shout it louder
Not a sinner, she's a lover
I was given a heart
A thirst for pleasure and war
A hunger we keep inside
We fell from sky with grace
And life gave us a sweeter taste
You can drink, you can feast
There's beauty in your beast
Come on, and feel alive, lover
Come on
and feel the love like a sinner
Shout it louder
Not a sinner, she's a lover
Mama.
Baby?
Okay.
Come down.
You got it.
Baby?
Have you seen a little boy?
- He's blonde.
- No.
Okay.
Baby?
Baby?
- Here you are.
- Hi.
Hey. Hey.
There you are.
You can't hide from mommy like that.
You can't hide from me like that.
I was counting.
You were counting. I know. I know.
The cat died and you didn't even call me.
It was a pretty traumatic morning.
There was blood on the steps,
and-and we had to bury him.
But... but I could've helped.
Well, I guess I've gotten pretty good
at doing things by myself.
Oh.
Mm.
But it has made some things
pretty clear though.
Like what?
I'm not doing okay.
You were so quick to support me
when I said that I wanted
to give up being an artist.
That's what you said you wanted.
No, you were so quick,
like there's no protestations from you.
And it just would've been nice
to have a little encouragement from you,
say that I'm good at what I do
and that it would be a shame
to give it up.
Tell me that I'll return to it someday.
But you just smile.
No, no, I didn't.
Because somewhere you knew that you were
getting exactly what you've always wanted,
which is for me to be
a stay-at-home mom just like...
- Whoa, wait a minute.
- ...just like your mom and her mother.
It's a sweet deal for you.
You have your job and I have mine.
Only my job has no pay,
and no vacation days,
and no appreciation, and includes
washing your fucking underwear.
I never said that, okay?
This feels a little bit like a trap.
Oh, you feel trapped?
Do you have any fucking clue
how trapped I feel?
I have found myself
in a fucking 1950s marriage
where all I do is take care of our son,
and you, and the fucking cat.
It was your idea to quit your job.
- I didn't suggest that.
- No, I agreed to it,
but I had no fucking clue
what I was agreeing to.
I didn't realize that I would feel like
a single parent who has zero help,
who has to give up her dreams
to take care of everyone.
I don't know what to say.
I-I... I didn't know you felt this way.
Do you think that I want it like this?
I mean, do you think
that I want to be married to my mother?
I don't wanna feel your resentment
the moment I walk into my house.
If you were so fucking unhappy,
why didn't you tell me?
Do you expect for me to read your mind?
Look, if you tell me
that everything's fine,
then I think that everything is fine.
If you tell me
that you wanna quit your job
and stop being an artist
and stay at home with our son,
and I say, "Okay."
I think I'm supporting you.
That is just some
passive-aggressive bullshit.
- No. Okay. But...
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You're not the person
that I married either.
The person I married
let things go that weren't important.
She was tough as shit.
She was... she was weird
and excited about things
in the world like reading books.
Oh, my fucking God,
I cannot believe you're saying this to me!
No, it's fucking disappointing.
It's disappointing for me, too.
I mean, I don't know how we got here.
I really don't know how we got here.
You're too busy worried
about fucking Book Babies
to ask about my day at work
or-or-or keep up on current events.
I mean, what happened
to the girl that I married, huh?
What happened to the...
to the girl that inspired me
and made me challenge this world
in new and interesting ways, huh?
What happened to my wife?
She died in childbirth.
Mama.
I think that...
we need a separation.
I'm just so confused.
This agreement that we made
isn't working for me anymore.
I just... I need space. I'm...
I don't know how'd I...
I don't...
I don't know how I feel
or what I need, but...
I know I need...
I need to dig around in the dark
and just find myself again.
Do you... do you regret having a kid?
No...
I don't.
But if I could go back in time,
I would sit us down
and figure out a more equitable way
to do this parenting thing.
I'd have been open to that.
I'm sorry.
Me, too.
Daddy?
What's wrong, sweetie?
Why don't we play with your train?
I want Daddy.
Oh, choo-choo.
Where's the tunnel?
Did you kick that train?
What...
Are you mad at the train?
What are you doing?
Come here, sweetheart. I got you.
Come here.
Come here.
Yeah, it's okay.
Yeah.
I love you.
I don't want this anymore.
Oh, um, I... This isn't one of ours.
I don't think.
What?
You gave that to me.
Uh, well, I don't think so.
Look, there's no catalog card.
I don't know where this book came from,
but, um, we can't... we can't take it.
I remember what it was like
when my kids were little.
I had a hard time
keeping things straight also.
I mean, you don't sleep for years, right?
And you're holding them
with the stomachaches,
and the toothaches, and the bad dreams.
It's enough for anybody
to lose their bearings.
You just didn't seem like a mother to me.
You didn't recognize it?
You look in the eyes of other women
and you see a fire flickering there.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, the pain, the sacrifice,
that shared bond of all you've given up
for the continuation of the species.
It's just so much more encompassing
than I thought it would be.
Yeah, yeah, it changes you...
and connects you to some...
primal urges.
Thanks.
What happened with your husband?
We were just so stuck
in this horrible dynamic
where I was the stay-at-home mom,
which maybe I'm not cutout for,
and he was the worker who got to go out
and engage in the world,
and I just had to break out of it.
And I killed the cat this week.
So it just made me realize
that maybe I'm not doing great...
emotionally.
I let the fish die.
Benign neglect.
I didn't wanna clean the fucking bowl.
I accidentally let Percy fly away.
- Oh.
- I know, I know, I know.
Wait, who's Percy?
He's a parakeet.
Great news. This is actually great news.
Okay.
Okay, I probably over-packed,
but you should have
everything you need, okay?
It's in the bag.
- Have fun, okay?
- Okay.
I'll miss you.
I'll call you if I need something.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Hello, new friend
How do you do?
Where do you run to
Shake summer blues?
All right, buddy.
All right.
This is Dad's famous pasta
with his famous sauce, all right?
I'll get that, I'll get your water...
and some Parmesan cheese.
Whoa, whoa! Oh!
Oh, buddy.
Are you okay? What...
- It's on my arm.
- Uh-huh.
- What happened?
- It's on my arm, Dad.
What? Oh, it's on your arm. Okay.
Let me get that off.
Hello, new friend
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
What happened?
It fell and then I broke it.
Oh, it fell, but you... but you broke it?
That doesn't make a lot of sense.
Some took the cue
Oh, the thing,
let me just get this thing right.
I got it.
All right. You wanna go on the couch?
Can you sit right there?
Not a moment too soon
You know, Dad's killing it.
He's killing it, isn't he?
And there's two under the couch.
White ghost walking...
Oh, yeah.
Right there.
Yeah.
Aww.
There's my baby!
- Come here, hi.
- Like this.
- Like that?
- Yes.
Oh, it's so good to see you.
I'm tired.
Oh. I know.
How'd it go?
Uh... it was good.
- Yeah?
- It went really good, right, little dude?
Right?
- It was hard.
- It was hard.
It was really hard, I'm not gonna lie.
Yeah.
Uh, how was your time alone?
Um...
- It was really wonderful actually.
- Oh.
Yeah.
Um, I've got this new idea for a project.
Yeah, it's cool.
I'm really... I'm really focused right now.
It's amazing how efficient I can be
when I don't have any time, you know.
Thanks.
Yeah.
- Should I cut these?
- Yeah.
- You wanna help?
- No.
- No? Okay.
- Don't cut this.
Oh, because it has syrup on it.
Oh, you want that?
Yeah, get that in there.
Can you say bye-bye to Daddy?
- Bye-bye, Daddy.
- Bye-bye, buddy.
- I'll see you soon.
- Bye.
Bye, Mama.
Mama's not leaving.
Um, so, I will drop him, uh,
on Saturday morning?
Oh, yeah, sure.
He, uh... he's-he's still not used to me.
I kind of felt like he thought
he'd been kidnapped.
That'll change.
I don't know. He was... he was kind of
like, "Who's this weird man
living at this sad apartment complex
with all these other sad men?"
I swear, the whole place
is newly divorced dads.
It was all these kids sitting
around the pool confused.
Not a mom in sight.
All I can think of
is all of these sunburned kids
'cause nobody remembered
to bring sunscreen.
Shit, I didn't even think about sunscreen.
Uh, um, so I'll see you on Saturday.
Yup.
How many eggs do you want to get?
I missed you so much!
Mama!
Look at him chase the ball.
Isn't that so silly?
Mama.
Can you hold... Oh... That's two.
Can I touch your dog?
- Hi.
- Say hi.
Which one should we go see?
The little guy?
Come on, let's go. Hi.
Thank you.
Hi, oh, hello!
Hi! Is he yours?
We just love dogs, so...
The diver is my love
Are you now...
And I am his
I'm a dog.
No, you're not a dog.
What's this?
Do you see it?
Do you see all the colors?
Red, yellow, orange, green.
- Can you count?
- One, two,
- three, four...
- Two, three, four, five!
There's five people on that train?
- Yes.
- That's so many.
- Can I tell you something?
- Yeah.
I love being your mom.
Oh, I love you. I love the choo-choos.
- I love...
- I love the... all those choo-choos.
Yeah.
Mama?
I didn't want you to be scared.
I wanted you to know I came home.
Where did you go?
I needed some space,
so I went walking in the woods.
I thought you weren't gonna come back.
I will always come back.
I am your mama forever,
and I will always come back.
But you loved me last
Recall the word you gave
To count your way
Across the depths of this arid world
I wanna go back
and grab you by the shoulders
and scream at you.
Insist on your joy.
Time is short.
Don't just do it for you.
Do it for me, too.
A woman is alive
A woman is alive
I always thought motherhood
was sort of a weak state of being,
but motherhood is a far more primal,
active thing than that.
It is probably the most violent experience
a human can have aside from death itself.
Thanks.
A child's first act is violence
against the woman who created it.
Yet still, the mother loves the child
with the most powerful love
known in the universe.
This thing rips its way out of us.
Literally tears us in two
in a wash of blood, and shit, and piss,
or it is cut from us with a knife.
Our organs taken out
only to be put back in and sewn up.
So, no, motherhood is not
sunshine and baby powder,
little pastel mints and lacy frocks.
Motherhood is fucking brutal.
Tell me why
Is the pain of birth
Lighter borne than the pain of death?
I ain't saying that I loved
You first
But I loved you best
I know, I know, I just like... I...
You are.
And the dead bird wasn't there.
- Thank you.
- Thanks so much.
- Hi.
- Oh, my gosh!
Thank you for coming!
- Thank you, thank you.
- Oh, my gosh.
I am just so impressed by you.
- I feel so honored to be a part of this.
- Thank you. Thank you, guys.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, thank you for coming.
- My gosh.
This is so fucking cool,
but especially for the suburbs.
I'm so into this show.
It's very provocative. Very you.
Thank you.
It reminds me a little bit
of Charlotte Ghibli's work
from last year,
but I mean that in a good way.
It's not derivative,
like it's in conversation. You know?
Excuse me.
- Oh.
- Oh, you came!
You did it.
They called and you answered.
Did you see Naya?
I can't believe
we got her out of the city.
You okay?
Not really.
I didn't get it.
Get it? Get what?
I didn't see it.
I mean, I didn't... I didn't see all
that you were giving up by being at home.
Oh, right.
I mean, look at what you fucking did.
It's like I feel like I've been
led into this whole universe
that I've been totally blind to,
just all the things
that you weren't able to say.
Yeah.
I'm just in awe.
I'm in fucking awe of you.
And I should have told you
to not give this up.
I fucked up.
I fucked up, and I'm sorry.
You're so weird and...
and I love you.
I love you.
Okay.
I gotta go relieve the sitter.
I'll come with you.
No, no, please.
You should go meet up
with all the moms from Book Babies.
They're at the bar across the street.
You sure?
Yeah, it's your night.
What sound's a bear make?
There are times when I look at my son,
and I cannot tell
where he begins and I end.
He is that much a part of me.
We are part of one another.
You guys, you-you be a bear.
You be a bear. I'll be a bear.
All right, who goes first?
You.
This must be what it is to be an animal.
Beneath the moon,
we pile inside our warm cave,
becoming one creature to save our warmth.
You go to sleep?
This is how it's always been
and how it will continue to be.
Wanted to go back to sleep.
Sleepy time.
Okay. Okay. All right.
- I can't.
- Listen to me.
- Yeah.
- You can do this.
Your mother did this.
Her mother did this.
So it is time for you to dig deep.
Find the strength.
Because it's time to meet your daughter.
Now!
Come on.
I got it.
...mation
And it feels nice
To roll the dice
Once or twice
Fleez and me eating nuts in the leaves
That's where we dance to ESG
Fleez and me eating nuts in the leaves
That's where we dance to ESG
Like this
Very moody, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Very moody, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Very, up down
And all around baby
Very moody, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Very moody, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Very moody, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Very moody, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hello, new friend
How do you do?
Where do you run to
Shake summer blues?
Burning with faith
She's a heck of a guide
Your feelings won't wake up
With the moon at your side
Think I'm coming unglued
Found a new attitude
Hear me coming alive
Found a way to survive
Yeah.
I'm a robot.
And a spider.
And a spider.
No.
No, no, no, no.
Okay. Okay. Babe, stop.
Stop.
- Oh, we need some crunchy snacks, right?
- Hi!
Oh, hi. Oh, my God.
Sally, what are you doing here?
I'm visiting my mom for the weekend.
Baby, this is Sally.
Yeah, Sally took over your mom's job
at the gallery after you were born.
Oh, he's super cute.
Do you just love getting to be home
with him all the time?
Must be so wonderful.
Yeah. I mean, that's a...
that's a good question, you know?
But it's complicated though
because, I mean,
I would love to feel content.
But instead, I feel like I'm just stuck
inside of a prison of my own creation
where I torment myself
until I'm left binge eating
Fig Newtons at midnight
to keep from crying.
And I feel like societal norms,
and gender expectations,
and just plain old biology,
have forced me to become this person
that I don't recognize,
and I'm just angry all the time.
Like, all the time. Like...
And, you know, I would love to direct
some of my own artwork
towards a critique
of the modern day systems
that articulate this,
but my brain just doesn't function
the way that it did before I had the baby,
and I'm dumb now.
And I am deeply afraid
that I am never going to be smart,
or happy, or thin ever again.
Do you just love getting to be home
with him all the time?
Must be so wonderful.
Oh, yeah, I do. I love it.
I do. I love being a mom.
Seven, eight.
Wow.
Yucky.
Look it... Look at the house.
I do it for the joy
Uh-oh.
Because I'm a joyful girl
I'm hungry.
Because the world owes me
I'm gonna eat you.
Nothing
And we owe each other the world
I do it because it's the least
I can do
Ooh! That scared me.
Up to the moon!
To the moon!
And I do it just because I want to
Are you okay?
Four, five.
Where's the duck one?
Where?
No!
You know.
One, two, three, four, five,
six, seven, eight,
nine, ten.
You light a fire
early in your girlhood.
You stoke it and tend to it.
You protect it at all costs.
You don't let it rage
into a mountain of light,
because that's not becoming of a girl.
You keep it secret.
You let it burn.
It's from this point, this fire,
you can create and fight
and push your way through the world.
It's from this fire
that you can birth something new.
A new version of yourself
or a whole new person
who didn't exist
before you squeezed them into the world.
A person who will one day
pee in your face without blinking.
Let's go see the truck.
Let's go, yeah.
Where's the...?
- The what?
- The...
- The truck?
- Yeah.
It's up the street.
It's up the street?
Yeah.
- Is the truck there?
- Yeah.
We have to put that on the street again.
- Yeah?
- Yes.
They're going to...
next to the street with the green truck.
- He's on the back of that.
- You think so?
Oh, he looks pretty strong.
I bet he can do it.
No.
No, it turned away.
- Higher.
- Higher?
How high?
- Higher up to the moon.
- To the moon?
We're going inside.
This?
Yeah, we're gonna go in there.
That's what we're doing.
- Yeah.
- We can go.
People can't say no to us.
They can't say no to us. That's right.
- Hi, Norma.
- In the ocean, too.
Some decomposers even help clean water.
- Book Babies.
- Wow. I had no idea.
Oh, shit.
I go for a ride on my favorite bike
I'll tell you what I see
It's a warm summer day
as I pedal by the lake
And right in front of me
Is a poor little duck
with a bill too big
And eyes like buttered peas
His feathers are pink...
The problem is I just don't enjoy
the company of other moms.
...on water skis
Oh, what's up with that duck?
What's up with that duck?
Oh, what's up...
I think becoming friends
with another woman
simply because we're both mothers
is pathetic.
What's up with that duck?
I go for a drive in my favorite car
- I'll tell you what I see...
- Of course, if I happen to meet
a beautiful, smart, hilarious woman
and we became friends,
we bond over hating Book Babies.
He's putting on skates
and as he makes figure eights
- No. No.
- I see he's munching...
Oh, what's up with that duck?
What's up with that duck?
Oh, what's up with that duck?
What's up with that duck?
It's time to say goodbye
Goodbye to our friends
Thanks for singing along
Oh, thank God.
We had lots of fun
but this is our final song
So goodbye to...
Zarah Beverly.
And goodbye to...
Caden.
And goodbye to...
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Mom!
I'm not coming here...
I'm gonna fuck you up.
I'm the worst mother
in the world.
Do you... Oh, I'm sorry.
Do you like paint and sip?
You're an artist, right?
Did I tell you that?
Oh, we chatted at mommy-baby yoga.
Just for a sec though. Jen.
- So, do you paint or do something else?
- No.
I used to do more immersive art,
- sculptures, and found materials.
- Oh, like installations?
Sorry to eavesdrop.
I just... I'm a big art fan.
- Oh, are you?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- She is.
- Me, too.
I used to live in the city
and I spent my lunch breaks
at the Modern, like, every day.
I showed some work at the Modern once.
- Wow.
- Wow.
But that feels like a lifetime ago, so...
- Yeah.
- Right.
- Totally.
- Definitely.
- We get it.
- Yeah.
I used to be a stripper...
if you can believe that.
It was fun though,
but just for a little while, not...
The before times.
Yes. Yes.
- Gosh.
- Right.
You know, I really have to
get him home for his nap.
Oh, yeah. Right.
Yeah.
- Okay.
- Well, maybe we'll see you next week.
Yeah. He's tired.
Yeah, of course.
Aww... Yes.
- So cute.
- Yeah.
I know.
- Oh, my gosh.
- I love her.
- She's fun.
- She's fun, huh?
She is.
"Goodnight, goodnight, construction site.
Down in the big construction site,
the tough trucks work
with all their might."
They washed their feet.
"Reaching, stretching, lifting high,
he swings the beams into the sky."
"So no more huffing and puffing, teams."
What's this one?
Look at his big teeth.
Where is it?
Where is it?
"One by one, they'll go to bed
to yawn and rest their sleepy heads."
Now, I'm yawning.
Can I get down?
No, we're gonna go sleepies, remember?
No.
- No.
- Please?
No.
- No.
- Aren't you so tired?
- All...
- No.
- All the vehicles are tired.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
Who is the dad?
No, no, no. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
All right.
- Now, let's sleep again.
- No.
It's okay. Yeah, I know.
It's okay.
We'll just play quiet mouse game.
Do you wanna play quiet mouse?
Can you be quiet mouse?
Candy.
- Honey.
- No.
No.
No.
No!
It's my fault he doesn't sleep.
I shouldn't be mad at him.
Now, everybody told me,
but I just didn't listen
because I liked it when he slept
on my chest like a cozy warm heater.
I should've put him down drowsy,
but still awake like all the books said,
and then he would have great sleep habits
for the rest of his life.
And I would always have a clean kitchen,
a good sex life,
and life would be amazing.
But now I fucked that up.
Now what?
Maybe if I don't move, he won't see me.
Mwah.
I love you.
Yum.
I love you.
I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- I love you.
- Oh.
Mommy.
Let's play horsey.
Okay.
All around the mulberry bush
Where something chased the weasel
Monkey thought it was really fun
Pop goes the weasel
Is that good?
Mama fuzzy.
What?
I'm not fuzzy.
Mama fuzzy.
Where am I fuzzy?
- Right here.
- Ow!
Oh, goody.
What fresh hell awaits you today?
I've got some gray hairs.
A lot of gray hairs and some...
new wrinkles.
Huh...
Huh.
Okay.
Well, that's where we're at.
Okay.
Let me get some tweezers.
Daddy, daddy, daddy.
Hey, bud.
Uh-oh. Spaghetti-O.
Sometimes, I swear, it's like
they don't realize that I have a life.
I'd much rather be here at home
with you guys
than sitting at some hotel room
at 11:00 o'clock at night,
typing up reports on a Thursday.
Oh, how annoying.
It really was.
Well, we had a fine week.
We went to Book Babies, didn't we?
Book Babies.
I thought you hated Book Babies.
Oh, I do.
You still alive, you old furball?
Speaking of furballs...
- What?
- I don't know. No.
- What?
- I shouldn't have brought it up.
Well, no. Tell me. What?
Well, I'm just...
I don't know. I'm having some weird
side effects from perimenopause.
I'm not sure.
Which is weird hairs
seem to be sprouting up.
Are you talking about your nipples?
No.
I-I don't know. I just feel off.
It's like I feel like I have
this heightened sense of smell,
kind of like when I was pregnant.
Mm.
Like the cat's butt
smells disgusting to me.
The cat's butt smells
disgusting to me too, though.
And look at my teeth. Hm?
See how sharp they are?
Right. Definitely.
That's weird.
Oh, honey. This is real.
This is not in your head.
Stop it.
You always think
that something's wrong with you.
Well, that's the thing
about being a hypochondriac,
is someday I'll be right
and you'll be sorry.
I can't remember the last time
that I washed this shirt.
You're living the dream.
Yeah, I'm the housewife
I never wanted to be.
You know, the hardest part
is that like I'm always on suicide watch.
Like, if I turn my head for just a second,
he's gonna stick a fork
into a light socket
or he's gonna walk off a cliff.
It's better than leaving him with those
awful ladies at that awful daycare.
Oh, that was heartbreaking.
If you wake him up,
I will rip your throat out.
Okay. Okay.
Look, I kind of thought
this is what you wanted, you know?
No more late nights
at the gallery, you know,
crying in the bathroom
while you pumped your boobs.
I did, I do, I do. I just...
Maybe if I could get a part-time job.
You know, the math doesn't totally add up.
You know, the likelihood that you'd make
more than we'd have to pay a sitter is...
Well, may... maybe when he starts school.
Yeah.
Just gotta hold out till kindergarten.
Yeah.
And then I think...
what right do I have to complain?
You know, it's a gift I get to stay home
with my baby all day long.
I should be grateful.
I would kill to stay home with him
every day, for what it's worth.
You think that you would,
but I assure you, you would not.
Two, three! Whoo!
One, two, three! Whoo!
- One, two, three.
- Three.
Whoo!
They're coming after...
All right.
What's next?
Um, bath time.
I got it.
Oh, thank you.
Who wants to do a daddy bath?
- Me.
- All right!
- Yeah! Say, "Woo-hoo, daddy bath!"
- Thank you.
Daddy bath.
That's right.
- Daddy bath.
- Daddy bath.
I'll take a bath, too.
Honey?
Can you grab him some toast?
He said he's hungry.
Honey, can you grab his sippy cup?
My hands are full.
Honey, you mind throwing
a towel in the dryer?
Warm it up for him?
What?
Nothing.
It's just when you're gone,
I do this by myself every day.
- What happened?
- I... nothin'.
Mama, Dada.
Mama, Dada.
- Mommy and Daddy.
- Mm.
Hey.
- Can you not hear him?
- What?
You fucking do something?
Here, buddy. Go to sleep.
- No.
- Okay?
Go to sleep.
Mama!
Ma...
Did you make coffee yet?
No, not yet.
Will you do it?
Sure.
Is it two scoops?
Well, I do three.
Alright.
So, last night, you were, um, kind of a...
Um...
A bitch?
Well...
You said it, not me.
Yeah.
Nightbitch.
I am Nightbitch.
That's not true.
Bye-bye, Dada.
Is Daddy gonna be back?
Yeah, he'll be back.
Enjoy getting four full nights of sleep.
Oh, honey.
Are you gonna be okay?
Yeah, I'll be fine.
You know, you should really stop worrying
about your weird hair growth or whatever.
You know, get on top of your week...
you know, structure, you know.
I read an article once
that said that structure
was the key to mental health.
You're gonna make up a plan,
draw up a schedule,
and treat it like it's your job.
Happiness is a choice.
Happiness is a choice.
I'll try.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Say, "Bye, Daddy."
Bye, Daddy.
Bye!
We'll do a tiny part and now I...
and I did this part, and then I did...
Mama!
Uh-huh.
Oh, my God.
Oh, wow. Where did you guys come from?
Hi.
Are these your dogs?
Oh, hi.
Mama.
Yeah. I guess they're nice.
Yeah.
- Hi.
- Who are these doggies?
I don't know.
Who do you belong to?
- Are these yours?
- No.
- Anybody?
- You smell like strawberries.
You smell like strawberries. She does.
We're coming with you.
Come on.
We'll chase the doggies, come on.
Let's get 'em!
Get 'em!
- Big dogs.
- Come on! Wait for us!
Wait for us!
You got it!
Come on!
Look at that.
Yeah, they're way down there.
We're gonna catch 'em, come on.
- You want me to carry you?
- Yeah.
Okay. Come on.
Let's get 'em!
Come on!
Fall down.
In the sweet by and by...
There was a great forgetting
when I left home.
Because to forget childhood
meant I had survived it.
We shall sing
on that beautiful shore...
But now, memories
are poking their way back in.
The melodious songs of the blessed
And our spirit shall sorrow no more
Not a sigh for the...
My mother once told me,
she almost became
a famous singer in Europe,
but she stayed back and had us instead.
...sweet by and by
We shall meet
on that beautiful shore...
What else did we see?
In the sweet...
Oh, there's one.
It's green.
What's green?
Okay. So we're gonna have
an art day, okay?
- Why?
- So it's gonna be a lot of fun, okay?
So we're just gonna put those paints.
- Careful.
- And a lots.
Lots, okay.
- There's... What color is this?
- Orange.
- Orange. Good job.
- And green.
And... yellow.
What are you gonna paint, hmm?
Now, what are you gonna make?
A circle.
Yeah. Put your fingers in it,
really get a feel of the paint.
- It's right...
- Yeah.
...here.
Great.
Okay. It's so nice.
Oh, yeah.
Beautiful.
- What are you gonna do?
- I'm gonna put paint on you.
- Oh, that's great.
- More paint.
That's great. I love this.
Ooh! Oh, are you okay?
- Yeah.
- Are you okay, honey?
- I'm gonna get more...
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, not on the wall.
You're free.
No rules today.
Oh, that is so creative.
Oh, I'm gonna touch your cheek.
Oh, thank you.
That's so nice. Thank you.
...all over.
It's great. Do it on the paper.
Come do it on the paper. Oh!
I'm gonna put it on my butt.
Baby...
Can you... can you not do that?
No, no, no, no, no, no!
No, no!
What's up with that duck?
What's up with that duck?
What's up with that duck?
Fuck!
Why do these memories
of my mother before she died
keep coming back to me?
Why now?
Oh, fuck!
Ow.
I'm hysterical.
I am hormonal, and I'm hysterical.
Hay...
smoke, honey.
A bit of fungal musk. Amazing.
Could I always smell like this,
or was I just not paying attention?
Or is a...?
Vegetables are very civilized.
Yes.
Dogs wouldn't buy vegetables.
Look.
- Ahh.
- Ah.
Huh.
It's you.
Hi.
No.
Oh!
Stop. No!
Mommy had a weird dream last night.
Do you wanna eat on the porch?
Yeah.
Oh, don't let the cat out.
Oh, honey, honey.
Yuck, yuck, yuck. Where did you get that?
No, no, no. Put it down.
Put it down. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck.
Yuck.
Bunny.
- Come on.
- Why?
- Let's go inside, okay?
- Why?
We're gonna wash your hands.
- Why?
- Okay. It's yucky, huh?
- We don't want...
- It's yucky.
No, we don't wanna touch those, right?
Maybe you could give me
more of a sense
of what you're looking for.
Anything in the realm
of women turning into animals,
transformation, metamorphosis.
I'm doing a project.
I'm just looking
for a scientific perspective.
Or... metaphysical.
Well, there is this book,
it's labeled "mythical ethnography"
but it's... really, it's quite scientific.
Field Guide to Magical Women.
Have you heard of this?
- Thank you, Norma.
- Mm-hm.
- We're gonna get going.
- Yeah.
"My introduction to this topic
came about serendipitously.
I was interested in the ways
that womanhood manifests
on a mythical level.
The bird women of Peru lived in
tall leafy boughs in the rainforest
where they constructed intricate
and breathtaking nests
from sticks and reeds.
The bird women sprouted feathers
and beaks in their 60s,
but only after they had children
who had grown.
" The bird women
spent the latter parts of their lives
flitting from tree to tree,
producing the loveliest calls
and learning to fly."
Mama, poop.
Poop.
Oh, my...
- Mac and cheese.
- Mac and cheese, great.
One more.
Do some mac and...
Meatloaf.
- Can you share some...?
- What's that?
Can you share with me mac and cheese?
Mm-hm. Yeah, we're gonna share it.
That's right.
Oh.
I think I'm anemic.
All right. Here you go, baby.
Let's eat.
- Here.
- I need a fork.
Well, here.
Uh-oh.
Mmm...
That's real good, ain't it?
We're doggies, right?
Woof.
So much fun to have a boy, right?
We used to play dogs, too, my son and I.
Oh. So much fun, and he just loved it.
I didn't know that, that you had kids.
Oh, don't go, Norma.
Tell me about your son.
Did you work when he was little?
Did you make all of the right choices?
Is there anything
that you would've done differently?
Tell me the secrets.
Dada.
We're out of milk.
We are?
Yeah. We got 20 pounds
of raw meat and no milk.
Come on, buddy.
Can you shut the door?
I don't understand
how we're out of milk.
Because he drank it.
Yeah, but did you know?
Did I know?
Did you know that we were out of milk?
I don't know.
What is that supposed to mean?
This is the first shower
that I have had in a week.
I've been to the grocery store
three times,
but I haven't washed my body in four days.
So clearly I didn't know
we were out of milk
or I would've gotten some.
But you're welcome to go
to the supermarket with our son
and get some milk.
Oh, and pick me up some tampons
while you're there
because I think
I'm about to start to bleed
and this one's gonna be a doozy.
Okay.
That's enough, all right? Jeez.
Perfect.
- No.
- "Construction site all tucked in tight."
- No. No.
- Shh.
"The day is done, turn off the light.
Great work today now." Shh.
- No.
- Shh.
You don't want to go to bed?
Go to sleep, please.
- No.
- Please go to sleep.
I'm not going to sleep.
No.
No bed ever.
Nitro boosters.
See you later, suckers.
Is he down?
It's your turn.
He doesn't want me.
I don't care that he doesn't want you.
Hey, I have been doing
night-nights every night,
of every day for 200 years,
and it's fucking killing me.
You have to do night-nights.
It's your turn for night-nights.
All right.
But just for the record,
I don't like the term "night-night."
Okay. Okay. Okay.
No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I just... I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I just...
I don't want anything else needing me
or touching me.
Over here.
What is it?
Take a look.
We should get out of here.
Let's split up.
Don't leave.
You wanna...
you know?
God, no.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.
I meant like...
That was like... that was a little harsh.
Well, I'm just in so much pain.
You have no idea.
- Okay. Well, like, I didn't know that.
- Well...
And also, I have eight nipples now,
and I fear you'll be repulsed.
No!
"In Hindu mythology,
Sarama is a she dog
serving the warrior-god, Indra.
She is the mother to all clawed creatures.
In Greek mythology,
the chimera embodied all things domestic
and motherly, a goat who nurses young
and cares for the home front
and simultaneously possesses
the qualities of a beast."
Mama?
If my mother were still alive,
I would have
some serious questions for her.
How did she deal with the anger,
the resentment for all that she didn't do?
How many women
have delayed their greatness
while the men around them
didn't know what to do with theirs?
I'd ask her if she ever regretted
becoming a mother.
Where should we go next, the mammals?
Sure.
Yeah? You wanna go there?
I don't... I don't wanna go to mammals.
I can't believe this.
- Here you are.
- Hey. Jen. Oh, wow.
It is so weird to see you out in the wild.
I mean, out of context.
- Hi. I'm Jen.
- Hi, Jen.
- So nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
So, are we gonna see you
at baby yoga or tyke hike this week?
Oh, no, another time.
Poo.
- Okay. Next time.
- Okay.
All right. Come on, kiddos.
Let's go see some more
dinosaur bones, right?
Who the hell was that?
She's just a mom from Book Babies.
Hm.
I think I'm having
a bit of a realization.
What's your realization?
I don't think I'm an artist anymore.
Oh, honey.
I don't know why I'm getting upset.
I'm not upset.
No, no, no, you don't...
you don't seem upset at all.
Because I just have...
this running list of all of the things
that I'm not doing every day,
and all of the ways
that I'm falling behind as an artist.
And I think that if I could focus
on what I am doing,
then I would be much happier.
I could... I could see that, yeah.
And I should focus on being
the best mom that I can be
and really enjoying
these moments with him,
because this isn't going to last.
He's growing up so fast.
Uh-oh.
And besides...
you know, being an artist
is like the most silly,
self-absorbed thing you can be.
It's truly an embarrassing job
to say out loud.
It's just such a relief
in just letting it all go, you know?
- Good.
- Yeah.
I'm just really focusing
on being in this moment with him.
Okay.
I mean, if that's what you want.
Yeah.
Okay.
We shall sing on that beautiful shore
Mama.
I am hair, and blood, and bone.
I am instinct and anger.
I know nothing but the night air.
I have one thought.
I am an animal.
I'm gonna crush its skull.
Blood! Blood, blood, blood!
Ooh, blood!
I was once a girl, then a woman,
a bride, a mother,
and now I will be this.
Where did you go?
I went for a run.
I needed to clear my mind.
Did you run barefoot?
You're so dirty.
Can I get in?
Sure.
I am a woman.
I am an animal.
I am new and also ancient.
I have been ashamed,
but I will be no more.
- Okay. Say, "Bye."
- Bye.
Can you give a good wave to Daddy?
- Bye, Daddy.
- Bye, Daddy.
There he goes.
Wave goodbye.
- Bye.
- Yeah.
- Should we go have some fun?
- What?
Should we do this?
Should we act like doggies?
Put down that chainsaw
and listen to me
It's time for us to join in the fight
It's time to let your babies
grow up to be cowboys
It's time to let the bedbugs bite
Settle down, raise a family
join the PTA
Buy some sensible shoes
and a Chevrolet
Then party 'til you're broke...
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, that's... You!
Let's go
Squirrel. Let's go get it.
Come on.
Maybe this is the secret to happiness.
We're just animals.
Are you hiding out
on a boat, you silly puppy?
- Should I do ears?
- Yes.
It's for you.
Look. Look at this.
And do doggies
go night-night in their own beds?
Yes, they do.
And do doggies need binkies?
No.
That's so silly.
Dare to be stupid
- Woof.
- All right.
Goodnight, doggy.
Bite the hand that feeds you
Bite off more than you chew
What can you do?
Dare to be stupid
Take some wooden nickels
Look for Mr. Goodbar
Get your mojo working now
I'll show you how
Dare to be stupid
You can turn the other cheek
- ...the other cheek
You can just give up the ship
You can eat a lot of sushi
never leave a tip
Dare to be stupid
- Come on and dare to be stupid
- Dare to be stupid
There you go, come on.
There.
Hi, Norma.
Look, baby, it's Norma.
Shh. It's a quiet area.
I just wanted to thank you
for that book recommendation.
I have to say, it was exactly
what I was looking for.
Just doing my job.
Well, look what the cat dragged in.
- Hi, ladies.
- Hi.
- He's a dog today.
- Oh.
- Sure.
- Yeah.
- Cute.
- "Wheels on the Bus," everyone.
- Yeah. Here. I save you a seat.
- Thank you.
The wheels on the bus
go round and round
Round and round, round and round
The wheels on the bus
go round and round
All through the town
You're not you anymore.
Oh, my God, you should join us
for our Friday morning hike, right?
- Yeah.
- Yes.
No, I really don't hike.
Oh, no. Don't worry.
We don't do anything too major.
You know, just a few miles early
in the morning before it gets too hot.
Sounds awful.
You're so funny. Oh, you're so funny.
I can't hike far these days.
Oh, yeah, how are you feeling? May I?
Of course.
You smell like strawberries.
Strawberry shampoo.
What was that?
Sorry, my sense of smell
is just really strong right now.
Tell me about it. I threw up
from the smell of the trash this morning.
That's because you're pregnant.
That's where it all starts.
There's a change in our genetic makeup.
Nobody talks about the cellular change
that happens when we become mothers.
Yes, nobody does.
Nobody tells you that
you're never gonna jump on
a trampoline again either. Right?
Not to mention,
that the whole concept of motherhood
that we're sold is such bullshit.
You're going to be expected
to figure the whole thing out
on your own
without any village to speak of.
You're going to get no maternal benefits
from the government.
You're going to get mocked
by popular culture.
And-and there's basically
a billion-dollar industry
that's designing products to make you feel
like you're a terrible mother.
But seriously, congratulations.
I mean, you're totally right.
My sister who lives in Berlin now
got two years paid maternity leave.
Wow.
I can't believe
I'm gonna go through this all again.
Birth.
That's so fucking intense.
How do you think Daniel will do?
He always tells the story
of my first birth
and how the doctor turned around
said, "It's time to get that baby out."
And there was a vein
popping on my forehead.
I was like a wild animal.
Yeah, a wild animal.
Oh, my God, yes.
My husband said the same thing,
that the sounds
coming out of me were pure animal.
He almost passed out.
- I mean, he's not good with blood, but...
- Yeah, right.
Do you ever feel
like the big secret is that we are gods?
What?
We fucking create life.
We make life.
We are so powerful.
I bet men are terrified of us.
I mean, look at you.
You are this miraculous goddess
growing bones as we speak.
I am pretty powerful.
Oh...
- Wow.
- Yeah.
I guess I just don't fully understand.
It's just a game.
We play dogs, and he loves it.
Hm.
And he's eating out of dog bowls?
Sometimes.
Yes, sometimes we eat
out of perfectly new,
never been used by a real dog, dog bowls.
And he's-he's-he's wearing a collar?
Well, he wanted to be domesticated.
I was against it, but...
- All right.
- And he sleeps in a dog bed.
- What now?
- No, but I don't have to lie with him
for hours until he falls asleep.
I just give him a little growl,
and then he gets into bed on his own,
and he falls asleep without his binky.
It's a miracle.
Look, I don't wanna be critical,
but don't you think
this might be a little bit confusing
for him?
Well, for him or for you?
Come on. You gotta admit
this is a little bit weird.
No, I don't.
I don't see what the problem is.
He is sleeping, which means
I'm sleeping for the first time
in two fucking years,
and I'm getting plenty of exercise.
So my back doesn't hurt
when I wake up anymore.
I mean, I'm just trying to have some fun.
When did you become so uptight?
- Bite my neck.
- Huh?
Bite my neck.
Okay.
Can you speak?
- Woof!
- Oh, good job.
- Woof speak.
- There you go.
It's just a little party trick
we're working on.
Right, the, uh, the dog thing.
Oh, you feel left out, honey?
No.
Here you go.
- Beg.
- Mm-mm.
Beg.
[pants
Good boy.
Oh, gosh, shut up.
We fed you, you stupid animal.
Stupid animal.
Oh, kitty, kitty, kitty.
I'm gonna throw you up on the roof
and let you starve to death up there.
And maybe a chicken hawk will swoop down
and grab him in its talons
while he's up there
and then take him up into the sky
and drop him from a very high height
into a deep quarry,
where heaving mining equipment
with caterpillar treads will repeatedly
run over its broken corpse.
- Where's the tunnel?
- Right there. That's the tunnel.
It's gonna blow the horn.
Yee-haw!
Hi.
Yee-haw!
Hey, I took your advice,
and I made a plan for us, a schedule.
- Oh, great.
- Yeah.
No, come see.
Okay.
So Monday, it's gymnastics play space.
Tuesday is Book Babies at the libraries,
my fave.
Wednesdays, mommy baby yoga.
Thursday is free day. See?
And Friday is a tyke hike.
See the pictures?
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Because if I'm gonna do this,
I should just really commit, right?
- Right.
- Right.
Um, oh, you remember that I said
that I would meet up with my friends
from grad school
in the city tonight, right?
Yes. Yes, I'm babysittin'.
It's not babysitting
when it's your own kid.
Whatever. You know what I mean.
I'm on bedtime duty
and you're going to have a grownup dinner.
Yeah. 9:00 p.m. which is four hours later
than I usually eat.
The wheels on the bus
go round and round
Round and round, round and round
It's got like an ironic wink to it.
I didn't get that.
I feel you have to come from a certain
background to feel that irony.
You know, work that is examining
social media like my piece is tricky.
- We've lost some objectivity.
- Right.
I'm working on a video piece
about one woman's day,
taking over 24 hours
side by side with an actress
who is acting out that same day
in that very same space.
Masturbating, shitting.
But how will you know
which woman is the woman?
Exactly.
That's the genius of it.
What it is to be watched.
Is anyone not watched?
Wow. That sounds really interesting.
Are you working on anything?
- Me?
- Mm-hm.
Oh, um... No, no.
No, I'm not really working on anything.
Nope.
We have a beautiful sea bass tonight.
It's served in a white wine reduction.
We also have homemade cavatelli
with chanterelles and fiddlehead ferns.
What's funny?
Oh, yeah.
Just my son and I,
we have this joke about fiddlehead ferns.
It's like we call them
fiddle dee-dee ferns.
I guess you just had to be there
because he has this two-year-old lisp.
He can't really say the fiddle dee-dee.
Could I have the cavatelli,
but without the chanterelle?
Yes.
I'll have the...
- the kale salad, please.
- What?
Kale salad.
What?
Um, the kale salad.
And another Manhattan.
And for you?
Mm. I'll have the lamb.
So Naya?
- Naya?
- Hm?
How's Liliana doing?
- Is she six now?
- Yes.
She's in first grade at the music academy.
And she's really into the cello,
as well the violin.
It's just amazing
watching her blossom, you know?
Wow.
Is-is it ever hard to balance it all,
like, motherhood and art?
Not really.
I mean, listen,
I couldn't do it without Christie.
Thank God for my nanny.
But...
I guess I'm a better mom
because of my work.
Yeah.
And I just,
I haven't lost myself, you know?
Mm-hm.
Oh, Freida...
application for the Founder's Grant.
- Did you get it in?
- Barely.
- I turned it in at like 2:00 a.m.
- What?
Like a fucking idiot.
You?
- I did it weeks ago.
- Mm.
And now we wait.
Well, I haven't even turned in
my application.
What am I gonna do?
Yeah, I bet everybody's wondering
where's my application.
- Sorry.
- We just got here.
I was just asking
how long does it take
- for a table to get ready?
- What are you doing?
- Whatever we wanted.
- You know what?
- Next time you pick the restaurant.
- The kale for you, ma'am.
You do this all the time.
- No, like, she...
- It's actually more of a meditation
- I believe from the perspective.
- Let's just call a spade a spade.
The show was the most important
artistic event of our lifetime.
- Yeah. I just don't see it that way.
- Yeah, but you always disagree.
Yeah, I think
that's a little bit overrated.
You're so hyperbolic. I mean...
...people was trash, and what was art?
I thought that went great.
I am a Zen cow.
I'm a Zen cow...
in a soothing green...
pasture.
Can I have, um...
Oh...
This kale.
It's just...
pushing it down further...
all of them,
rage and disappointment.
I thought that I had digested it,
but it is still down there
just burning a hole in me.
And the woman that I used to be, this...
talented...
plucky young woman with big ideas,
she's down there also...
in my intestines...
buried in kale.
She's biding her time.
Or maybe she's dead.
She suffocated.
And here I am...
up here in this...
beautiful lighting of this
beautiful fucking restaurant,
just this...
middle-aged saggy mom with...
nothing intelligent
to add to the conversation...
Insignificant.
Have you seen
Jermaine's installation at the Armature?
I'm dying to get to the nighttime
exhibit at Art Lucerne.
Oh, me too. We should go together.
Now, that... both were incredible.
Yes. But you do need to...
Yeah, you need to trust me
and knock it out there.
Oh, I'm sure she's able to get a lens...
whoever bought it for the show.
- The value only goes up.
- Yeah, absolutely.
Ugh, this kale is not sitting well.
What the fuck?
Oh, my God.
I could crush a walnut with my vagina.
Oh, my... What?
Come on
and feel the love like a sinner
Shout it louder
Shout it for the ones
who could never say
I wanna run and never come back.
I wanna never brush my hair ever again.
I want to stink.
I wanna be an artist,
and a woman,
and a mother.
I mean a monster.
I want to be a monster.
Oh, it's disgusting.
Shout it louder
Not a sinner, she's a lover
I was given a heart
A thirst for pleasure and war
A hunger we keep inside
We fell from sky with grace
And life gave us a sweeter taste
You can drink, you can feast
There's beauty in your beast
Come on, and feel alive, lover
Come on
and feel the love like a sinner
Shout it louder
Not a sinner, she's a lover
Mama.
Baby?
Okay.
Come down.
You got it.
Baby?
Have you seen a little boy?
- He's blonde.
- No.
Okay.
Baby?
Baby?
- Here you are.
- Hi.
Hey. Hey.
There you are.
You can't hide from mommy like that.
You can't hide from me like that.
I was counting.
You were counting. I know. I know.
The cat died and you didn't even call me.
It was a pretty traumatic morning.
There was blood on the steps,
and-and we had to bury him.
But... but I could've helped.
Well, I guess I've gotten pretty good
at doing things by myself.
Oh.
Mm.
But it has made some things
pretty clear though.
Like what?
I'm not doing okay.
You were so quick to support me
when I said that I wanted
to give up being an artist.
That's what you said you wanted.
No, you were so quick,
like there's no protestations from you.
And it just would've been nice
to have a little encouragement from you,
say that I'm good at what I do
and that it would be a shame
to give it up.
Tell me that I'll return to it someday.
But you just smile.
No, no, I didn't.
Because somewhere you knew that you were
getting exactly what you've always wanted,
which is for me to be
a stay-at-home mom just like...
- Whoa, wait a minute.
- ...just like your mom and her mother.
It's a sweet deal for you.
You have your job and I have mine.
Only my job has no pay,
and no vacation days,
and no appreciation, and includes
washing your fucking underwear.
I never said that, okay?
This feels a little bit like a trap.
Oh, you feel trapped?
Do you have any fucking clue
how trapped I feel?
I have found myself
in a fucking 1950s marriage
where all I do is take care of our son,
and you, and the fucking cat.
It was your idea to quit your job.
- I didn't suggest that.
- No, I agreed to it,
but I had no fucking clue
what I was agreeing to.
I didn't realize that I would feel like
a single parent who has zero help,
who has to give up her dreams
to take care of everyone.
I don't know what to say.
I-I... I didn't know you felt this way.
Do you think that I want it like this?
I mean, do you think
that I want to be married to my mother?
I don't wanna feel your resentment
the moment I walk into my house.
If you were so fucking unhappy,
why didn't you tell me?
Do you expect for me to read your mind?
Look, if you tell me
that everything's fine,
then I think that everything is fine.
If you tell me
that you wanna quit your job
and stop being an artist
and stay at home with our son,
and I say, "Okay."
I think I'm supporting you.
That is just some
passive-aggressive bullshit.
- No. Okay. But...
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You're not the person
that I married either.
The person I married
let things go that weren't important.
She was tough as shit.
She was... she was weird
and excited about things
in the world like reading books.
Oh, my fucking God,
I cannot believe you're saying this to me!
No, it's fucking disappointing.
It's disappointing for me, too.
I mean, I don't know how we got here.
I really don't know how we got here.
You're too busy worried
about fucking Book Babies
to ask about my day at work
or-or-or keep up on current events.
I mean, what happened
to the girl that I married, huh?
What happened to the...
to the girl that inspired me
and made me challenge this world
in new and interesting ways, huh?
What happened to my wife?
She died in childbirth.
Mama.
I think that...
we need a separation.
I'm just so confused.
This agreement that we made
isn't working for me anymore.
I just... I need space. I'm...
I don't know how'd I...
I don't...
I don't know how I feel
or what I need, but...
I know I need...
I need to dig around in the dark
and just find myself again.
Do you... do you regret having a kid?
No...
I don't.
But if I could go back in time,
I would sit us down
and figure out a more equitable way
to do this parenting thing.
I'd have been open to that.
I'm sorry.
Me, too.
Daddy?
What's wrong, sweetie?
Why don't we play with your train?
I want Daddy.
Oh, choo-choo.
Where's the tunnel?
Did you kick that train?
What...
Are you mad at the train?
What are you doing?
Come here, sweetheart. I got you.
Come here.
Come here.
Yeah, it's okay.
Yeah.
I love you.
I don't want this anymore.
Oh, um, I... This isn't one of ours.
I don't think.
What?
You gave that to me.
Uh, well, I don't think so.
Look, there's no catalog card.
I don't know where this book came from,
but, um, we can't... we can't take it.
I remember what it was like
when my kids were little.
I had a hard time
keeping things straight also.
I mean, you don't sleep for years, right?
And you're holding them
with the stomachaches,
and the toothaches, and the bad dreams.
It's enough for anybody
to lose their bearings.
You just didn't seem like a mother to me.
You didn't recognize it?
You look in the eyes of other women
and you see a fire flickering there.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, the pain, the sacrifice,
that shared bond of all you've given up
for the continuation of the species.
It's just so much more encompassing
than I thought it would be.
Yeah, yeah, it changes you...
and connects you to some...
primal urges.
Thanks.
What happened with your husband?
We were just so stuck
in this horrible dynamic
where I was the stay-at-home mom,
which maybe I'm not cutout for,
and he was the worker who got to go out
and engage in the world,
and I just had to break out of it.
And I killed the cat this week.
So it just made me realize
that maybe I'm not doing great...
emotionally.
I let the fish die.
Benign neglect.
I didn't wanna clean the fucking bowl.
I accidentally let Percy fly away.
- Oh.
- I know, I know, I know.
Wait, who's Percy?
He's a parakeet.
Great news. This is actually great news.
Okay.
Okay, I probably over-packed,
but you should have
everything you need, okay?
It's in the bag.
- Have fun, okay?
- Okay.
I'll miss you.
I'll call you if I need something.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Hello, new friend
How do you do?
Where do you run to
Shake summer blues?
All right, buddy.
All right.
This is Dad's famous pasta
with his famous sauce, all right?
I'll get that, I'll get your water...
and some Parmesan cheese.
Whoa, whoa! Oh!
Oh, buddy.
Are you okay? What...
- It's on my arm.
- Uh-huh.
- What happened?
- It's on my arm, Dad.
What? Oh, it's on your arm. Okay.
Let me get that off.
Hello, new friend
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
What happened?
It fell and then I broke it.
Oh, it fell, but you... but you broke it?
That doesn't make a lot of sense.
Some took the cue
Oh, the thing,
let me just get this thing right.
I got it.
All right. You wanna go on the couch?
Can you sit right there?
Not a moment too soon
You know, Dad's killing it.
He's killing it, isn't he?
And there's two under the couch.
White ghost walking...
Oh, yeah.
Right there.
Yeah.
Aww.
There's my baby!
- Come here, hi.
- Like this.
- Like that?
- Yes.
Oh, it's so good to see you.
I'm tired.
Oh. I know.
How'd it go?
Uh... it was good.
- Yeah?
- It went really good, right, little dude?
Right?
- It was hard.
- It was hard.
It was really hard, I'm not gonna lie.
Yeah.
Uh, how was your time alone?
Um...
- It was really wonderful actually.
- Oh.
Yeah.
Um, I've got this new idea for a project.
Yeah, it's cool.
I'm really... I'm really focused right now.
It's amazing how efficient I can be
when I don't have any time, you know.
Thanks.
Yeah.
- Should I cut these?
- Yeah.
- You wanna help?
- No.
- No? Okay.
- Don't cut this.
Oh, because it has syrup on it.
Oh, you want that?
Yeah, get that in there.
Can you say bye-bye to Daddy?
- Bye-bye, Daddy.
- Bye-bye, buddy.
- I'll see you soon.
- Bye.
Bye, Mama.
Mama's not leaving.
Um, so, I will drop him, uh,
on Saturday morning?
Oh, yeah, sure.
He, uh... he's-he's still not used to me.
I kind of felt like he thought
he'd been kidnapped.
That'll change.
I don't know. He was... he was kind of
like, "Who's this weird man
living at this sad apartment complex
with all these other sad men?"
I swear, the whole place
is newly divorced dads.
It was all these kids sitting
around the pool confused.
Not a mom in sight.
All I can think of
is all of these sunburned kids
'cause nobody remembered
to bring sunscreen.
Shit, I didn't even think about sunscreen.
Uh, um, so I'll see you on Saturday.
Yup.
How many eggs do you want to get?
I missed you so much!
Mama!
Look at him chase the ball.
Isn't that so silly?
Mama.
Can you hold... Oh... That's two.
Can I touch your dog?
- Hi.
- Say hi.
Which one should we go see?
The little guy?
Come on, let's go. Hi.
Thank you.
Hi, oh, hello!
Hi! Is he yours?
We just love dogs, so...
The diver is my love
Are you now...
And I am his
I'm a dog.
No, you're not a dog.
What's this?
Do you see it?
Do you see all the colors?
Red, yellow, orange, green.
- Can you count?
- One, two,
- three, four...
- Two, three, four, five!
There's five people on that train?
- Yes.
- That's so many.
- Can I tell you something?
- Yeah.
I love being your mom.
Oh, I love you. I love the choo-choos.
- I love...
- I love the... all those choo-choos.
Yeah.
Mama?
I didn't want you to be scared.
I wanted you to know I came home.
Where did you go?
I needed some space,
so I went walking in the woods.
I thought you weren't gonna come back.
I will always come back.
I am your mama forever,
and I will always come back.
But you loved me last
Recall the word you gave
To count your way
Across the depths of this arid world
I wanna go back
and grab you by the shoulders
and scream at you.
Insist on your joy.
Time is short.
Don't just do it for you.
Do it for me, too.
A woman is alive
A woman is alive
I always thought motherhood
was sort of a weak state of being,
but motherhood is a far more primal,
active thing than that.
It is probably the most violent experience
a human can have aside from death itself.
Thanks.
A child's first act is violence
against the woman who created it.
Yet still, the mother loves the child
with the most powerful love
known in the universe.
This thing rips its way out of us.
Literally tears us in two
in a wash of blood, and shit, and piss,
or it is cut from us with a knife.
Our organs taken out
only to be put back in and sewn up.
So, no, motherhood is not
sunshine and baby powder,
little pastel mints and lacy frocks.
Motherhood is fucking brutal.
Tell me why
Is the pain of birth
Lighter borne than the pain of death?
I ain't saying that I loved
You first
But I loved you best
I know, I know, I just like... I...
You are.
And the dead bird wasn't there.
- Thank you.
- Thanks so much.
- Hi.
- Oh, my gosh!
Thank you for coming!
- Thank you, thank you.
- Oh, my gosh.
I am just so impressed by you.
- I feel so honored to be a part of this.
- Thank you. Thank you, guys.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, thank you for coming.
- My gosh.
This is so fucking cool,
but especially for the suburbs.
I'm so into this show.
It's very provocative. Very you.
Thank you.
It reminds me a little bit
of Charlotte Ghibli's work
from last year,
but I mean that in a good way.
It's not derivative,
like it's in conversation. You know?
Excuse me.
- Oh.
- Oh, you came!
You did it.
They called and you answered.
Did you see Naya?
I can't believe
we got her out of the city.
You okay?
Not really.
I didn't get it.
Get it? Get what?
I didn't see it.
I mean, I didn't... I didn't see all
that you were giving up by being at home.
Oh, right.
I mean, look at what you fucking did.
It's like I feel like I've been
led into this whole universe
that I've been totally blind to,
just all the things
that you weren't able to say.
Yeah.
I'm just in awe.
I'm in fucking awe of you.
And I should have told you
to not give this up.
I fucked up.
I fucked up, and I'm sorry.
You're so weird and...
and I love you.
I love you.
Okay.
I gotta go relieve the sitter.
I'll come with you.
No, no, please.
You should go meet up
with all the moms from Book Babies.
They're at the bar across the street.
You sure?
Yeah, it's your night.
What sound's a bear make?
There are times when I look at my son,
and I cannot tell
where he begins and I end.
He is that much a part of me.
We are part of one another.
You guys, you-you be a bear.
You be a bear. I'll be a bear.
All right, who goes first?
You.
This must be what it is to be an animal.
Beneath the moon,
we pile inside our warm cave,
becoming one creature to save our warmth.
You go to sleep?
This is how it's always been
and how it will continue to be.
Wanted to go back to sleep.
Sleepy time.
Okay. Okay. All right.
- I can't.
- Listen to me.
- Yeah.
- You can do this.
Your mother did this.
Her mother did this.
So it is time for you to dig deep.
Find the strength.
Because it's time to meet your daughter.
Now!
Come on.
I got it.
...mation
And it feels nice
To roll the dice
Once or twice
Fleez and me eating nuts in the leaves
That's where we dance to ESG
Fleez and me eating nuts in the leaves
That's where we dance to ESG
Like this
Very moody, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Very moody, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Very, up down
And all around baby
Very moody, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Very moody, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Very moody, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Very moody, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Hello, new friend
How do you do?
Where do you run to
Shake summer blues?
Burning with faith
She's a heck of a guide
Your feelings won't wake up
With the moon at your side
Think I'm coming unglued
Found a new attitude
Hear me coming alive
Found a way to survive