Screamboat (2025) Movie Script
1
Light, please.
Thank you.
Come on, you stupid--
What was that?
Looks like something's
moving in the shadows.
Welcome
to the Staten Island Ferry.
These old boats are full
of all kinds of surprises.
The key is to just go
with the weirdness.
I thought my first day
would be like on the water.
You know, sun in my face,
wind in my hair.
Not in a dungeon
of this old dump.
The fuck was that?
Is this boat even seaworthy?
Ferry Mortimer, yeah.
This was actually headed
to the scrapyard,
but got a steady execution,
because it's marathon week.
Now, give me that crowbar.
Time to liberate
my golden parachute.
Come on.
This hole's from the 1920s,
back when the Staten Island
Ferry ran on steam.
This piece of history right here
got to be worth 50 grand, easy.
Florida here I come!
I think you just released
a plague.
Look at this fucking beauty.
Okay, that was definitely
something.
It was probably just a rat, kid.
Awesome.
Well, I'm thinking about
quitting on the first day.
Take my advice, kid.
This city will give you shit,
kick you right in the dick.
So pay your dues,
and take whatever you can,
and get the hell out before
you lose your fucking mind.
It's the New York way.
Dom! Dom, what happened?
Oh, fuck!
Oh my God, is it bad?
Oh, something hit me.
It's bad. Neil, it's bad.
It's not good.
I got you, come on.
We're not alone.
Come here and see
what six years
of Varsity Baseball gets ya!
Go Farrell Lions!
Fuck no.
[panting]
No.
Please.
No!
No, wait!
Whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on.
No. The boat's not leaving yet.
You got time. What?
What's the matter, what?
You being chased by a maniac
or something?
No.
Birthday party.
You being chased
by a birthday party?
I was serving them
in the bar all night
and then they found out I was
going to Staten Island, too.
Oh, shit.
Probably would have been safer
with a maniac, though.
Please, don't tell them
that you saw me.
Yeah, well, you need me
to cover for you?
Yes, please, please, please.
Yeah, yeah,
I got you, I got you.
Come on, ladies,
next round's on our new bestie!
Let's keep this party going!
Only in New York, am I right?
Not really the only
in New York store
I imagined when I moved here,
but it's the only kind
I attract.
Okay, well, listen,
I'm going to point
to the upper deck,
so they think that's where
I'm sending you,
but you're really
going to want to go down
to the lower level stern,
all right?
-The lower level stern? Got it.
-Yeah, trust me.
Go, go, go,
I got you, I got you.
Enjoy the ferry.
I'll be on the top deck.
Hey, listen up, peasants,
it's my fucking birthday,
and I decree
this the best night ever!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey,
hold on, hold on,
ladies, ladies, tickets, please.
No, it's my birthday.
She's not paying for anything.
Isn't the ferry free?
-Yeah.
-Correct. You get a prize.
Wait, that woman,
where was she headed?
It's same thing I tell everyone,
best view's on the top deck.
Out of my way.
I want to be
where the people are.
There's still a dead zone
in the middle of this ride?
No, the ferry's got
free Wi-Fi actually.
Public Wi-Fi?
Ew.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
I think I'm gonna be seasick.
All right, well, technically,
you're still on land,
so I don't know why you--
Ooh, do you think
they have boat karaoke?
I don't think so.
All right, bye.
We got a Category 5
birthday party
heading up to the barge.
Figures.
Hey, hold on.
Welcome aboard
the Staten Island Ferry.
Please take a moment
and pay attention
to the following
safety announcements.
During docking,
stay off the stairs, ramps,
and landings until the ferry
has come to a complete stop
and has adjourned.
Failure to do so could result
in serious injury.
In case of an emergency,
listen for announcements
and instructions from the crew.
Please familiarize yourself
with the location of
lifejackets on this ferry.
Ferryboat Mortimer, do you copy?
Bill, pick up the radio.
Okay, Bill, listen.
You're gonna want to get cozy
at the dock.
Coast Guard says
that all harbor traffic is
suspended until this fog lifts.
We're canceling ferry
services for the next hour.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Not tonight.
This is my fifth night
of mandatory overtime
on the oldest rust bucket
on the fucking fleet.
I'm tired.
I don't feel well.
I gotta take a shit.
Nothing's coming out.
I want to go home.
I'm-- I'm calling the fucking
union right now.
No, no.
Stand by.
This fucking guy.
This fucking guy.
Technically, the delay goes
into effect on the hour.
If you get out now,
you're clear to depart.
Just-- just take it slow
on that old shitbird, big guy.
All right?
Thank you, tower.
And make it back in the
St. George in one piece, okay?
And eat some fiber, fuck.
Good evening, everyone.
Weather conditions are foggy.
There's a storm coming in.
It will be departing
momentarily.
It's gonna be a long
fucking night.
Okay. Woo!
Hello! Party boat! Hello!
Okay!
Let's get this
jungle cruise going?
Ew! Is the ferry always
this disgusting?
That just means
you're too sober.
OMG, Jazzy just broke the ferry.
Ignore them, my dear.
They're lost souls.
You pray for them.
Let's go find some other seats.
Hate the late night ferry.
Barry?
It's Amber, remember me?
Do you need assistance?
Barry, come on.
I keep telling you, you need
to watch your blood sugar.
Let's get you some electrolytes.
This boat is cursed.
We're all gonna die.
Okay. You said that last week
and the week before.
No one is gonna die tonight,
all right?
But you need a doctor.
Who's gonna pay for it?
You?
How about I trade you?
I didn't--
I didn't get your name.
You never do.
Hey, you found it.
Now that's a view.
Yeah, I told you.
Most people like
the upper deck, but...
I don't know, down here
it's just a lot more...
Smelly?
Bayfuck.
You gotta appreciate the shine
and the grime, you know?
I'm Pete.
I'm Selena.
Selena, pleasure.
Thanks for
covering me back there.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
Nice shoes.
Thanks.
I actually made these.
No shit.
What are you,
a designer or something?
Not yet.
Well, if I may make
a suggestion.
You don't want to
be walking around
the Staten
Island Ferry in those.
Trust me,
I'm the guy who bops it.
Every time I ride,
I feel like I'd be better off
at the bottom of the Hudson.
People shit on things
they love deep down.
I mean, to us,
it's not just any ferry.
This is our ferry.
With an attitude like that,
you'll be captain in
no time, Pete.
Yeah.
Not on your life.
I mean, deckhand's
where it's at.
I mean, look at this.
It's magical.
It's just magical.
Oh, fuck no!
I'll just buy another mask...
Fuck it!
No!
Fuck!
The bar is closed.
No!
Yeah!
Okay. Oh, cups.
Here we go.
Sure. Why not?
I'll give that to you.
I want one. Oh my God.
Yes.
I'm so happy
you're all here with me.
My girls.
- Aw.
- 1, 2, 3, 4.
Happy birthday to my whores!
Okay, it's just me, okay.
Okay!
Okay. Yes! I love it.
Okay. My girls.
Hello?
Okay, I'm-- I'm coming in.
Promise I'll be quick.
Occupied?
Oh God, is it occupied?
I think this is yours.
Oh, crap.
My sketchbook.
Not sure I want it back.
It's been claimed by the ferry.
Probably a sign.
"Dear Selena,
abandon your dreams.
Love, New York."
Never throw away your hard work.
There's always something
worth saving in the mess.
You should sanitize it, though.
Maybe I should move back
to Minnesota.
Maybe you should.
New York's not for everybody.
Plus, it is already
too damn crowded.
Rude.
New York.
Either you love it
or you learn to love it.
Do you love it?
Being a medic on the
urine-soaked streets
of New York City?
What a dream.
You want to know
how to make it in this city?
You've got to fight for it.
Hard.
Even when you're
standing in piss.
Boil your feet
when you get home.
Don't worry.
We'll be home soon, okay?
And then you can go to sleep.
Why don't you lay down?
Let's watch some cartoons.
It's a dead zone.
There's no cell service.
But look, what a view.
It's usually a better view.
Here you go.
Do mine and then Jazzy's please.
- Yeah.
- Smile for the gram, ladies.
Live in the dream, bitches.
Okay, everybody, laugh.
Okay, I need some air.
Do you think you could zoom in?
Yeah, little closer.
Living the dream, all right?
-Wait.
-Wait.
Was that of you?
I'm on it.
That was weird.
That can't be good.
What the fuck are you?
Hello! Help me!
Is everything all right?
What's going on here?
One of the cops was killed.
- What?
- Killed?
Hold-- hold-- hold on a second.
O'Hare? No, no,
he was just on the radio.
You saw him here?
Right here!
His head was in the water.
That thing, it had his face
against the propeller.
I saw his skull.
You have to believe me!
Big eyes on O'Hare.
Wait, what thing?
There's no blood,
there's no sign of struggle.
I don't know. It-- it was
short and-- and-- and furry.
And it looked--
it looked like an animal,
like a huge mouse or something.
Lady, are you drunk?
Does she look drunk to you?
Hey, wait, wait, hold on.
Maybe we should hear her out.
Hey, thanks, Pete.
Go swab the bathrooms, okay?
It's a real mess.
Gross.
You go look for O'Hare, okay?
His radio must be busted.
Hey, jerk off.
I don't take orders from you.
You're not the captain, Tommy.
I gotta call this in.
Come on, let's get you inside.
Come on, it's really cold.
Let's go.
It's all right.
Tower, this,
this fog is really bad.
I think this is gonna take
a while.
Okay. Yeah, you've got
the bay to yourself.
Harbor's clear of all traffic.
Take as long as you can work,
just check the...
Tower, do you copy?
Hello?
Hey, who-- who knows
what you really saw out
there, you know?
It's heavy fog tonight.
You wouldn't believe
some of the shit we've seen.
It was like a demonic rodent
with shorts and a hat.
Ever see anything like that?
Okay, relax.
I think your blood sugar
is a little bit low,
so I'm gonna go get you
something for that.
Be right back.
Okay.
You believe me, right?
Anything can happen in New York.
Captain, some nutjob said she...
Holy shit.
O'Hare's not responding.
Holy shit!
Whitehall Harbor Tower,
this is Ferry Mortimer
requesting aid.
-Copy, Tower?
-Tommy, it's useless.
Look.
We are way off course in
thick fog without instruments,
comms or a fucking clue.
What Tommy says
about me is bullshit.
Holy shit!
What happened to Captain Clark?
He's dead.
I'm the captain.
-You are the captain?
-Your fucking A right, asshole.
That makes you the first mate,
by the way.
Oh. No, no, no.
I don't think I'm ready for
that kind of responsibility.
All right, hold on a second,
you two.
This could be some kind of
terrorist situation,
and if that's the case,
then the NYPD--
No, the Ferry crew
has jurisdiction and training
to take the lead
when we're on the water.
Okay, this is now my ship...
my rules.
He's right, Diaz.
All right.
-Okay, Pete. Pete!
-Yeah.
Move all the passengers
down to the lower level.
All right, that way
we can avoid creating a panic
and find
the asshole who did this.
How the fuck am I
supposed to do that?
I don't know.
You're first mate, huh?
Figure it out!
Boy Scout motherfucker.
All right, somebody needs to
get down to the engine room
and find out what the hell
is going on down there.
I'll check it out myself.
You can never be too careful.
No, you don't.
I need you to help that
asshole get all the passengers
down to the lower level.
Send someone else.
Sure thing, captain.
Here we go.
Just like we practiced, baby.
First mate Tommy Magdaleoni
saves the day.
No. Captain Tommy Magdaleoni
saves the day.
Oh, fuck.
Perfect.
And that's the dull whip.
Oh.
Ew! What is that?
Am I getting my mother's jowls?
No, not at all.
Honestly,
it's all about the lighting.
Let's move over here.
Can I ask your professional
content creator opinion?
Mm-hmm.
How do you do the ahegao face?
Is it like this?
No, it's like this.
Watch how my eye half closes.
Stick your tongue out
like you're trying to
catch a snowflake.
Should I be drooling this much?
I mean, that's how you know
it's working.
Good enough.
Slightly down to make the face.
Fire content for our pervs.
And we show our tits?
No, we show our feet.
That's where the money is. Toes.
You are a genius, Jazzy.
I know.
I am totally apprised to be one.
Bitch, let's fucking go.
All right, simps.
This one's
for our daddy-tier pervs.
We're gonna show you
a whole new world.
Perfect lighting.
Right?
Oh, shit.
Excuse me, everyone.
I'm gonna need you
to move to the lower deck.
Come on.
Excuse me, sir.
Please follow me to the back.
You, come on,
follow me to the back, come on,
this way.
I'm with the ferry, let's go.
Come on, come on, come on,
let's go, let's go.
Come on, follow me to the deck.
Come on, let's go.
Please, everyone,
just follow me, okay.
Come on, everybody.
Come on, everybody.
Come on, follow me.
Come on, come on.
To the back of the boat.
Let's go.
Hi.
Could I please have
everybody's attention?
We're gonna need you all
to move down to the lower deck.
In a single file, please.
Oh my God, yeah,
we should docked by now.
Everyone, downstairs
to the lower level now.
Let's go.
You were right about
your small situation.
You saw it, didn't you?
It killed two innocent girls.
We need to call for help
or abandon ship.
Ladies, we're having
some technical issues.
-Everything's cool.
-Everything is not cool.
We have a huge rodent problem.
Where is Jazzy?
Actually, and Arianna?
Are they partying without me
on my birthday?
Skanks.
Look, we get everyone
down to the lower level,
and then we'll figure out
your rodent problem, all right?
What if that's what it wants?
All of us together,
like some sort of buffet?
Oh, there's food.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, dinner's served.
Please, be our guest
down in the grand ballroom.
Lower level, all right?
Capiche?
Come on.
Happy birthday to me.
And many more.
Take a nap, mijo, okay?
And when you wake up,
you'll get to see Daddy.
What are they doing?
It's locked.
That sounds like a fire hazard.
And it's definitely
not supposed to be locked.
Do you have keys?
Do I look like a janitor to you?
No, it's not that.
It's like it's--
it's like stuck or something.
I don't know.
Or it's been jammed.
We've got to get everyone
out of here now.
-Hey!
-Hey! Hey, hey, hey.
-Open the door!
-Open the door!
Open the door. Over here.
We should have docked by now!
Keep it down, asshole.
Who you calling an asshole,
dick nose?
Hey, fuck you!
-Fuck me?
-Yeah!
-Fuck you!
-Fuck you both!
Fuck all three of you.
I'm trying to sleep over here.
Hey, hey, somebody
locked the door.
-What?
-We're locked in.
How are we locked in?
All right,
everybody shut up and listen.
There's been an incident,
all right?
The captain's dead.
Who's driving the boat?
How about
a little discretion, huh?
Dead men tell no tales.
What happened?
The situation is developing.
I need everybody
just to remain calm.
Remain calm?
Are you out
of your fucking mind?
There's a killer on
the Staten Island Ferry.
And we're locked in.
Martinez, report.
Anybody. Della Salla?
I need help down here.
Okay, okay, I'll say it.
It's got to be terrorists.
-What?
-Oh!
No, I'm the bad guy.
All right, sorry for being
a truth teller.
I got no service.
None of us have service,
you dick!
We're on a boat.
We're trapped on this boat
with a murderer.
And we're locked in.
How the fuck
are we getting out of here?
With our big fucking balls.
That's how!
Some asshole is trying
to hijack our ferry?
Kill our captain?
Come for us?
No.
I say fuck that prick.
Nobody screws with us.
We don't start shit.
We don't give a shit.
And we sure as shit
don't take shit from nobody.
Damn right! Damn right!
You know why?
Because we are
fucking New Yorkers!
That's why!
I'm not wasting
another motherfucking minute
waiting for help.
I say we find this
son of a bitch
and toss his ass overboard.
Now who's with me?
That's what I'm talking about!
Huh?
Hey! Hey, open the door!
Yeah!
Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
Or am I just fucking high?
It is a small world after all.
Get him!
Yeah, but we can't just
stand here.
-Oh my God!
-Ow! What the fuck?
Are they having
an electrical night parade?
No, no! Back up! Back up!
Let go of the door handle!
We have to help them!
They are already dead!
If we don't get the hell
out of here, we are dead, too!
Let's go!
Over here!
Okay, I know this night
isn't going
the way we thought it would.
But that thing
is still down there.
And it will get bored
and come looking for us.
If this were a terrorist attack,
we would find a safe place,
barricade ourselves in,
and call for help.
The captain has a radio.
Maybe he radioed N.Y.P.D.
Or-- or the coast guard.
Or-- or Seal Team Six.
There's a few problems there.
One, the radio's in pieces.
And two, we're really,
really off course.
Who's steering the ship?
You remember Tommy?
Oh God.
There has to be some sort of
emergency transponder
in the engine room, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, the transponder pings
the tower.
Once they realize we're
off course with no comms,
they'll send for help.
Okay, how long could that take?
I don't know.
Maybe minutes? Hours?
Depends on the power staying on.
So we just wait it out
and avoid Stuart Little?
Stop it with the lights, please!
God, I'm getting the spins.
-Oh.
-Oh.
-Where the...
-Oh, here.
No, thanks.
Bill, it's my birthday.
Anybody? There we go!
We are so incredibly fucked.
Give it back.
Oh, yeah.
Come on, kid.
Stay close.
-Officer!
-What?
You have to come quick.
There's something wrong
with the lights.
Fuck.
Whoa, jeez.
Not tonight, Jamie.
I'm working.
I know.
But it's fun.
And it's dangerous.
And we're in here all alone.
Can you feel the love tonight?
I gotta go. There's something
going on with the lights.
And you smell like
Jgermeister and...
Is that Nathan's?
Oh. Am I over the limit,
officer?
I need some sobriety test.
And I know you have something
I can blow on.
It doesn't work like that.
Okay, it kind of does.
Oh, yeah, I'll just pretend
it's nothing.
What the hell?
Why would a giant rat take
the Staten Island Ferry?
Is it your mascot
or something? Like--
Hey, would you keep it down?
Maybe it wants some cheese.
Have you tried that?
I think Mama packed
some in my purse.
It has excellent hearing.
How would you know?
Are you some like rat expert
or something?
It has huge ears.
It's cute.
Stay close.
We have no idea what's ahead.
Guys.
Where's the birthday princess?
Oh shit.
Oh God.
Cindi!
Cindi, get back here!
We can't leave her.
I won't tell if you guys don't.
Okay, come on, come on.
Hey, come on, come on.
Oh!
You scared the shit out of me.
We're not the ones
you should be scared of.
You saw a pizza rat, too.
Seriously? Pizza rat?
Well, yeah,
we got to call it something.
Name's Moses.
This is Mateo.
We've been looking
for anyone else.
How the hell did you guys
survive down there?
Specialty construction boots.
I found the kid laying
on a rubber kitchen mat,
and mostly, he was quiet as a...
Well, you know.
How'd you survive?
We tried to get in.
The door was locked.
Oh, that damn rat
chipped them off.
Maybe it locked us out
on purpose to keep us safe.
Maybe it didn't want us to die.
Yeah, that doesn't make
any sense.
Yeah, I don't--
I don't think Rizzo the rat
is the keep people safe type,
you know?
Hey, we've got to
get off this horror cruise.
Maybe swim to Governors Island
or maybe the
statue or something.
That water is way colder
than you think it is.
Our bodies will go
into hypothermic shock
within minutes.
We'd basically be frozen.
Let it go.
We're going in the control room.
Come with us.
No one else is dying tonight,
okay?
As long as we stick together.
I'm Amber. That's Selena.
This is Pete.
He's the first mate now.
About time.
All right, yeah.
- Let's go.
- All right.
Pete?
If that's you,
quit messing around
and hand me the
Phillips screwdriver.
No, you moron.
I said Phillips.
You high again?
I'm surrounded by idiots.
Are you kidding me, Pete?
Okay. I know you don't
want to be the first mate.
But I'm not exactly swimming
in options here, okay?
Fuck, just give me
the damn hammer!
What is this?
Holy fuck!
Oh!
Where is everybody?
Hello?
It's like a fucking runway
over here.
Okay.
Hello?
You guys are going to jump out
and yell, "Surprise!"
I cannot be held liable
for my actions.
Hello?
Okay.
It-- Can't get some-- fuck.
Oh, Jesus.
Fucking ferry Wi-Fi
fucking sucks.
I swear to God,
they're getting an email.
I'm so fucking over this.
Oh my God.
iPhone unavailable.
Why can't I?
I just want to go out. I just...
What the fuck?
That isn't the captain, is it?
No, that--
that was the temp captain.
That was the real captain.
I think I'm going to be sick.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not so fast, kiddo.
Nothing you need to see here.
Mayday, mayday. SOS.
The Staten Island Ferry
is fucked.
That little shit
broke everything.
I wish I could say
this was the first time tonight
I walked into the bridge
to find a dead captain.
So does that make you
the captain now?
No.
No.
Being the captain is
not on my list of shit
to accomplish before I die.
Which feels oddly soon,
given the circumstances.
We'll figure it out.
Barry, you made it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Easy there, old-timer.
Sure.
Because they told us
to get to the lower level.
I knew that was the last place
I wanted to go.
You're going to be okay.
I'm dead, just like you.
You're all going to die.
You said that last week,
and the week before,
and earlier tonight,
but still we're here.
Well, not all of us.
Holy shit.
Actually get service.
Oh, no, no.
Fuck this. Fuck this.
It's my fucking birthday
and I reject all of this.
No, no!
Stop.
Come on.
Fuck!
Fuck you, you fury motherfucker!
Flares.
We can use the flares
to signal the mainland.
There's an emergency stash
down at the lower level.
Okay.
Kid ain't going back down there
and I ain't leaving the kid.
Not with whatever it loose
on board.
Willie.
This is about Steamboat Willie.
Did you say Steamboat?
Yeah, actually,
the Staten Island Ferry's
been running since the 1800s,
and most of them were run
on steam until about the '70s.
What? I paid attention
during staff training.
I heard stories about a
monster that lurked in the
underbelly of the ferry,
but nobody ever found proof.
Wait, you were a deckhand?
In the 1960s.
And even then they told
tales of an imaginative,
joyous,
kind-hearted captain
by the name of Walter.
But everyone called him, "Walt".
He was a man of the sea with
a heart as big as the ocean.
It was on his ship
that he stumbled into a
creature unlike any other.
Willie.
Willie was some
kind of experiment
abandoned in the cargo hold.
They were trying to
make him more animated,
more appealing to kids.
So he set Willie free.
Willie became his friend.
He gave Willie his freedom,
his dignity, and his purpose.
But then tragedy struck,
and just like that,
Willie was gone.
As time went by,
some thought that maybe
he was just an urban legend,
a figment of Walt's
overactive imagination.
Now, after 90 years,
he's finally out in the public.
Who knows what he wants.
Wow. That's going to make
one fucked up cartoon someday.
Wait, so this boat
is the same boat
that was in the story?
Parts of it, yes.
Everything gets recycled
over and over again.
To save money.
Stop, please!
Oh, God! Oh.
Oh, God.
Please.
Roscoe, where'd you go?
Fucking coward.
Die, you rat motherfucker!
What the fuck?
Oh shit.
What's the plan?
Oh, if you want to
get off this boat,
you're going
to have to get those flares.
Which means we're going to
have to leave Barry here
and go down below deck.
Hey, you guys know
who this kid is?
Borough President's son, right?
Your daddy's probably got a
whole fleet out looking for us.
Yeah, once we realize
rescue's close,
we'll fire him off and
everything will be okay, right?
Fuck me,
that did not sound right.
Come on, guys,
we've got to go get the flares.
Together, as a group.
Right, right, they're down
in the engine room.
When we get down there,
I'll try and fix this.
Look, I used to do electrical
work back in the day.
I'll go with you.
Uh-uh.
We'll go with you.
Little man watching over us,
we'll be all right.
Right, Captain Pete?
Yeah.
Okay, all right, come on.
Hey.
All right, here we go.
Okay, all right.
The entrance to the
engine room is straight ahead.
It's like a maze of secret
tunnels and hallways.
I mean, this boat is crazy.
Okay, Moses and Mateo,
you guys are going
to go straight ahead.
-Be right there.
-Right.
And then the flares
are going to be back here
next to the fuse box.
We got this.
All right.
You wear leadership well.
Yeah, I'm kind of just
learning as I go along.
Where the hell did I put--
Here we go.
Now, I got you something.
It's nothing special,
but I think it'll help you
get through the rest of this
voyage.
Ta-da!
I know they're not very unique,
but they are very practical.
Just do me a favor, okay?
Don't die down there.
Aye-aye, Captain.
Please stop calling me,
"captain".
Did you hear that?
Yeah, I fucking hate
the engine room.
Probably not a good time
to mention that. Yeah.
Mateo, stay close, all right?
-Hey, hey.
-What?
Let's exterminate this rat,
all right?
All right.
Dominique?
You're alive!
-Deckhand Pete?
-Yeah.
Well, technically,
it's Captain Pete, right?
Acting, only temporary.
Hey, is the emergency
transponder still running?
Oh, no, not without power.
Damn.
You-- you guys have
to help me fix it.
Down this way.
-Yeah, we can do.
-All right.
Yeah, okay, okay.
Stay here, buddy.
I'll be right over there.
Okay. All right, where is it?
Here we go. Come on.
Okay, right there.
Someone did a number
on this thing.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Moses! What the? What the?
-Whoa.
-Sorry, Pete.
I got you, I got you, got you.
Dom, what the--
I'm taking orders
from a new captain now.
Subtle.
See, Willie, he's not
the only one of his kind.
We're on a rescue mission
to find someone lost at sea.
Nothing is going to stand
in his way.
(SCREAMBOAT WILLIE GRUNTS]
Look, look, look, look, look.
Go, go, go.
You got it.
Right in the eye.
Get the flares.
Let's call the cavalry.
It's empty.
Fucking perfect.
If we survive this night,
I'm going right to JFK
and getting on the first
flight back to Minnesota.
Never coming back
to Staten Island again.
We get that a lot.
Bro, she done lost
her damn mind.
I know, I know.
Look, we need to warn
the girls, all right?
And then we got to get
out of here.
I've got all the flares
on the ship right here.
No help's coming, Pete.
Our world is fucked.
But Willie's world?
It's the happiest place
on earth.
Dom, aren't you a little old
to be obsessed
with a mischievous mouse?
We're all a little mad here.
This is Captain Willie's ship
and you're all going
down with it!
Wait, wait, wait!
Dom, Dom, Dom, listen.
Captain Willie on deck.
I did everything you asked,
Captain.
I-- I killed the engine.
I locked the doors.
The transponder
is totally fried chicken.
Let's just go!
Bro, get up, get up!
Let me go, just go!
Hey, come on, we got to go!
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
Hey, ugly!
Say cheese, motherfucker.
Oh boy.
Are you okay?
You all right, Mateo?
I don't think he made it, kid.
I'm going to get you
out of here.
Promise.
Well, as the last member
of the crew,
I guess that
makes me captain.
Fuck me.
But a captain keeps his word.
I'm going to get you off
this ship.
Hey, quiet.
I think that mouse is close.
Pete!
You guys okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, we're doing all right
down here.
Got this guy watching my back.
Hey, Mateo.
We're going to get you guys out.
Hang on. We're going to
move this stuff, okay?
Yeah.
We're sinking down here.
Everything's stuck.
It's heavy.
That's not good.
Find some leverage.
Fast.
It's getting kinda moist
down here, guys.
Okay, we're going to have
to pull together, all right?
Ready? Push!
All right. I think we can fit
through that hatch.
You're going to have to
get on my shoulders, okay?
I'm going to get you up there.
Come on, Mateo. Come on, buddy.
Here we go. 1, 2, 3.
Guys, he's in here with us!
Take the kid!
Come at me, you trash weasel!
Come on, let's go.
Come, come, come.
Stay right here.
Pete!
Hurry up!
I don't think so, darling.
I'm Captain.
But if I'm going down
with this ship,
this little fucker's
coming with me.
Come on.
Fuck!
My brother drew that tattoo!
Pete!
Don't throw your life away.
Not for the Staten Island Ferry.
I'm not doing it for the ferry.
Pete!
Everybody, off the ship.
Captain's orders.
It's been an honor, Captain.
Fuck you.
How are you doing, partner?
Look at me!
This is our boat!
Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on!
No!
We have to go! Come on!
Pete!
Come on!
Hey, come on!
Don't!
It looks so pretty.
And it's so close.
Like we could just swim there.
Pete died to give us a chance.
We can't throw it away.
I'm done.
You're just exhausted.
Let me go find something
to warm you up.
Willie isn't dead.
We need to get
to the highest level.
Maybe somebody will find us
before Willie does.
He just keeps coming.
Why?
What is it?
What does he want?
My mom used to say,
"When all else fails, try love.
And always keep a weapon
in your purse."
Your mom was a wise lady.
She must've been lost at sea.
That's why he's looking for her.
That's why he changed course.
Beautiful!
Murder Mouse has a rat wife.
Can we please focus
on the problem at hand?
The boat is sinking.
We can't forget that.
Look at her skirt.
What are the chances?
I have an idea.
Okay, Selena,
you're disassociating
from trauma.
I need you to stay with me.
No, no, no.
No, I'm present.
I gotta go get something.
No, it isn't up.
We have to go up.
Go. Take Mateo.
I am done running.
I'm gonna kill Steamboat Willie.
Again, totally unnecessary.
Trust me.
I'll find you.
You better.
Come on.
Please let there be scissors.
Oh, that's even better.
Okay, okay.
Wait. Oh, hey!
Hey!
Over here!
Hey!
Over here!
Over here!
Hey!
Oh, no. Come on, kid.
Come on.
Hide right here. Don't move.
Get down.
Willie.
Willie.
Where is my rascally
little stud?
What the...
There's my brave Willie.
Come to me.
Who loves you?
That's right.
Just a little bit closer.
Come and give me a kiss,
you dapper darling.
Amber, wake up!
Amber, I need you to get up.
Please, I need you.
Mateo!
Hey, steamboat fuckface!
You're alive.
Perks of being an EMT.
Mateo!
We're coming to get you!
Just keep swimming!
He's gonna need therapy.
Look.
I can't wait to never step foot
on the Staten Island Ferry
again.
I don't know.
Beats tunnel traffic.
Thank you for looking
after my son.
Are we the only survivors?
For now. Yeah,
but they're still searching.
Come on.
Let's get you a blanket.
I cannot wait to go home.
Still thinking of catching
that plane?
I don't know.
Really?
You're really gonna leave?
Move away after surviving
all of this?
Shit.
If this doesn't make you
a New Yorker, nothing will.
Suppose I can give
your hometown one more shot.
Oh, honey.
I was born in Seattle.
Really?
Wait, you're not
from here either?
You don't have to be
from here to be from here.
You know?
Guess this city
can't get rid of me that easily.
Not for lack of trying.
I do love the shine.
And the grime.
You found this in the water?
Anything can happen in New York.
Amber?
Selena?
Anyone can hear me?
I need help!
Stuck down here!
Pete?
Fuck!
Hello?
Hey, Pete, can you hear me?
Pete, come in!
I'm coming, bro.
Light, please.
Thank you.
Come on, you stupid--
What was that?
Looks like something's
moving in the shadows.
Welcome
to the Staten Island Ferry.
These old boats are full
of all kinds of surprises.
The key is to just go
with the weirdness.
I thought my first day
would be like on the water.
You know, sun in my face,
wind in my hair.
Not in a dungeon
of this old dump.
The fuck was that?
Is this boat even seaworthy?
Ferry Mortimer, yeah.
This was actually headed
to the scrapyard,
but got a steady execution,
because it's marathon week.
Now, give me that crowbar.
Time to liberate
my golden parachute.
Come on.
This hole's from the 1920s,
back when the Staten Island
Ferry ran on steam.
This piece of history right here
got to be worth 50 grand, easy.
Florida here I come!
I think you just released
a plague.
Look at this fucking beauty.
Okay, that was definitely
something.
It was probably just a rat, kid.
Awesome.
Well, I'm thinking about
quitting on the first day.
Take my advice, kid.
This city will give you shit,
kick you right in the dick.
So pay your dues,
and take whatever you can,
and get the hell out before
you lose your fucking mind.
It's the New York way.
Dom! Dom, what happened?
Oh, fuck!
Oh my God, is it bad?
Oh, something hit me.
It's bad. Neil, it's bad.
It's not good.
I got you, come on.
We're not alone.
Come here and see
what six years
of Varsity Baseball gets ya!
Go Farrell Lions!
Fuck no.
[panting]
No.
Please.
No!
No, wait!
Whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on.
No. The boat's not leaving yet.
You got time. What?
What's the matter, what?
You being chased by a maniac
or something?
No.
Birthday party.
You being chased
by a birthday party?
I was serving them
in the bar all night
and then they found out I was
going to Staten Island, too.
Oh, shit.
Probably would have been safer
with a maniac, though.
Please, don't tell them
that you saw me.
Yeah, well, you need me
to cover for you?
Yes, please, please, please.
Yeah, yeah,
I got you, I got you.
Come on, ladies,
next round's on our new bestie!
Let's keep this party going!
Only in New York, am I right?
Not really the only
in New York store
I imagined when I moved here,
but it's the only kind
I attract.
Okay, well, listen,
I'm going to point
to the upper deck,
so they think that's where
I'm sending you,
but you're really
going to want to go down
to the lower level stern,
all right?
-The lower level stern? Got it.
-Yeah, trust me.
Go, go, go,
I got you, I got you.
Enjoy the ferry.
I'll be on the top deck.
Hey, listen up, peasants,
it's my fucking birthday,
and I decree
this the best night ever!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey,
hold on, hold on,
ladies, ladies, tickets, please.
No, it's my birthday.
She's not paying for anything.
Isn't the ferry free?
-Yeah.
-Correct. You get a prize.
Wait, that woman,
where was she headed?
It's same thing I tell everyone,
best view's on the top deck.
Out of my way.
I want to be
where the people are.
There's still a dead zone
in the middle of this ride?
No, the ferry's got
free Wi-Fi actually.
Public Wi-Fi?
Ew.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
I think I'm gonna be seasick.
All right, well, technically,
you're still on land,
so I don't know why you--
Ooh, do you think
they have boat karaoke?
I don't think so.
All right, bye.
We got a Category 5
birthday party
heading up to the barge.
Figures.
Hey, hold on.
Welcome aboard
the Staten Island Ferry.
Please take a moment
and pay attention
to the following
safety announcements.
During docking,
stay off the stairs, ramps,
and landings until the ferry
has come to a complete stop
and has adjourned.
Failure to do so could result
in serious injury.
In case of an emergency,
listen for announcements
and instructions from the crew.
Please familiarize yourself
with the location of
lifejackets on this ferry.
Ferryboat Mortimer, do you copy?
Bill, pick up the radio.
Okay, Bill, listen.
You're gonna want to get cozy
at the dock.
Coast Guard says
that all harbor traffic is
suspended until this fog lifts.
We're canceling ferry
services for the next hour.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Not tonight.
This is my fifth night
of mandatory overtime
on the oldest rust bucket
on the fucking fleet.
I'm tired.
I don't feel well.
I gotta take a shit.
Nothing's coming out.
I want to go home.
I'm-- I'm calling the fucking
union right now.
No, no.
Stand by.
This fucking guy.
This fucking guy.
Technically, the delay goes
into effect on the hour.
If you get out now,
you're clear to depart.
Just-- just take it slow
on that old shitbird, big guy.
All right?
Thank you, tower.
And make it back in the
St. George in one piece, okay?
And eat some fiber, fuck.
Good evening, everyone.
Weather conditions are foggy.
There's a storm coming in.
It will be departing
momentarily.
It's gonna be a long
fucking night.
Okay. Woo!
Hello! Party boat! Hello!
Okay!
Let's get this
jungle cruise going?
Ew! Is the ferry always
this disgusting?
That just means
you're too sober.
OMG, Jazzy just broke the ferry.
Ignore them, my dear.
They're lost souls.
You pray for them.
Let's go find some other seats.
Hate the late night ferry.
Barry?
It's Amber, remember me?
Do you need assistance?
Barry, come on.
I keep telling you, you need
to watch your blood sugar.
Let's get you some electrolytes.
This boat is cursed.
We're all gonna die.
Okay. You said that last week
and the week before.
No one is gonna die tonight,
all right?
But you need a doctor.
Who's gonna pay for it?
You?
How about I trade you?
I didn't--
I didn't get your name.
You never do.
Hey, you found it.
Now that's a view.
Yeah, I told you.
Most people like
the upper deck, but...
I don't know, down here
it's just a lot more...
Smelly?
Bayfuck.
You gotta appreciate the shine
and the grime, you know?
I'm Pete.
I'm Selena.
Selena, pleasure.
Thanks for
covering me back there.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
Nice shoes.
Thanks.
I actually made these.
No shit.
What are you,
a designer or something?
Not yet.
Well, if I may make
a suggestion.
You don't want to
be walking around
the Staten
Island Ferry in those.
Trust me,
I'm the guy who bops it.
Every time I ride,
I feel like I'd be better off
at the bottom of the Hudson.
People shit on things
they love deep down.
I mean, to us,
it's not just any ferry.
This is our ferry.
With an attitude like that,
you'll be captain in
no time, Pete.
Yeah.
Not on your life.
I mean, deckhand's
where it's at.
I mean, look at this.
It's magical.
It's just magical.
Oh, fuck no!
I'll just buy another mask...
Fuck it!
No!
Fuck!
The bar is closed.
No!
Yeah!
Okay. Oh, cups.
Here we go.
Sure. Why not?
I'll give that to you.
I want one. Oh my God.
Yes.
I'm so happy
you're all here with me.
My girls.
- Aw.
- 1, 2, 3, 4.
Happy birthday to my whores!
Okay, it's just me, okay.
Okay!
Okay. Yes! I love it.
Okay. My girls.
Hello?
Okay, I'm-- I'm coming in.
Promise I'll be quick.
Occupied?
Oh God, is it occupied?
I think this is yours.
Oh, crap.
My sketchbook.
Not sure I want it back.
It's been claimed by the ferry.
Probably a sign.
"Dear Selena,
abandon your dreams.
Love, New York."
Never throw away your hard work.
There's always something
worth saving in the mess.
You should sanitize it, though.
Maybe I should move back
to Minnesota.
Maybe you should.
New York's not for everybody.
Plus, it is already
too damn crowded.
Rude.
New York.
Either you love it
or you learn to love it.
Do you love it?
Being a medic on the
urine-soaked streets
of New York City?
What a dream.
You want to know
how to make it in this city?
You've got to fight for it.
Hard.
Even when you're
standing in piss.
Boil your feet
when you get home.
Don't worry.
We'll be home soon, okay?
And then you can go to sleep.
Why don't you lay down?
Let's watch some cartoons.
It's a dead zone.
There's no cell service.
But look, what a view.
It's usually a better view.
Here you go.
Do mine and then Jazzy's please.
- Yeah.
- Smile for the gram, ladies.
Live in the dream, bitches.
Okay, everybody, laugh.
Okay, I need some air.
Do you think you could zoom in?
Yeah, little closer.
Living the dream, all right?
-Wait.
-Wait.
Was that of you?
I'm on it.
That was weird.
That can't be good.
What the fuck are you?
Hello! Help me!
Is everything all right?
What's going on here?
One of the cops was killed.
- What?
- Killed?
Hold-- hold-- hold on a second.
O'Hare? No, no,
he was just on the radio.
You saw him here?
Right here!
His head was in the water.
That thing, it had his face
against the propeller.
I saw his skull.
You have to believe me!
Big eyes on O'Hare.
Wait, what thing?
There's no blood,
there's no sign of struggle.
I don't know. It-- it was
short and-- and-- and furry.
And it looked--
it looked like an animal,
like a huge mouse or something.
Lady, are you drunk?
Does she look drunk to you?
Hey, wait, wait, hold on.
Maybe we should hear her out.
Hey, thanks, Pete.
Go swab the bathrooms, okay?
It's a real mess.
Gross.
You go look for O'Hare, okay?
His radio must be busted.
Hey, jerk off.
I don't take orders from you.
You're not the captain, Tommy.
I gotta call this in.
Come on, let's get you inside.
Come on, it's really cold.
Let's go.
It's all right.
Tower, this,
this fog is really bad.
I think this is gonna take
a while.
Okay. Yeah, you've got
the bay to yourself.
Harbor's clear of all traffic.
Take as long as you can work,
just check the...
Tower, do you copy?
Hello?
Hey, who-- who knows
what you really saw out
there, you know?
It's heavy fog tonight.
You wouldn't believe
some of the shit we've seen.
It was like a demonic rodent
with shorts and a hat.
Ever see anything like that?
Okay, relax.
I think your blood sugar
is a little bit low,
so I'm gonna go get you
something for that.
Be right back.
Okay.
You believe me, right?
Anything can happen in New York.
Captain, some nutjob said she...
Holy shit.
O'Hare's not responding.
Holy shit!
Whitehall Harbor Tower,
this is Ferry Mortimer
requesting aid.
-Copy, Tower?
-Tommy, it's useless.
Look.
We are way off course in
thick fog without instruments,
comms or a fucking clue.
What Tommy says
about me is bullshit.
Holy shit!
What happened to Captain Clark?
He's dead.
I'm the captain.
-You are the captain?
-Your fucking A right, asshole.
That makes you the first mate,
by the way.
Oh. No, no, no.
I don't think I'm ready for
that kind of responsibility.
All right, hold on a second,
you two.
This could be some kind of
terrorist situation,
and if that's the case,
then the NYPD--
No, the Ferry crew
has jurisdiction and training
to take the lead
when we're on the water.
Okay, this is now my ship...
my rules.
He's right, Diaz.
All right.
-Okay, Pete. Pete!
-Yeah.
Move all the passengers
down to the lower level.
All right, that way
we can avoid creating a panic
and find
the asshole who did this.
How the fuck am I
supposed to do that?
I don't know.
You're first mate, huh?
Figure it out!
Boy Scout motherfucker.
All right, somebody needs to
get down to the engine room
and find out what the hell
is going on down there.
I'll check it out myself.
You can never be too careful.
No, you don't.
I need you to help that
asshole get all the passengers
down to the lower level.
Send someone else.
Sure thing, captain.
Here we go.
Just like we practiced, baby.
First mate Tommy Magdaleoni
saves the day.
No. Captain Tommy Magdaleoni
saves the day.
Oh, fuck.
Perfect.
And that's the dull whip.
Oh.
Ew! What is that?
Am I getting my mother's jowls?
No, not at all.
Honestly,
it's all about the lighting.
Let's move over here.
Can I ask your professional
content creator opinion?
Mm-hmm.
How do you do the ahegao face?
Is it like this?
No, it's like this.
Watch how my eye half closes.
Stick your tongue out
like you're trying to
catch a snowflake.
Should I be drooling this much?
I mean, that's how you know
it's working.
Good enough.
Slightly down to make the face.
Fire content for our pervs.
And we show our tits?
No, we show our feet.
That's where the money is. Toes.
You are a genius, Jazzy.
I know.
I am totally apprised to be one.
Bitch, let's fucking go.
All right, simps.
This one's
for our daddy-tier pervs.
We're gonna show you
a whole new world.
Perfect lighting.
Right?
Oh, shit.
Excuse me, everyone.
I'm gonna need you
to move to the lower deck.
Come on.
Excuse me, sir.
Please follow me to the back.
You, come on,
follow me to the back, come on,
this way.
I'm with the ferry, let's go.
Come on, come on, come on,
let's go, let's go.
Come on, follow me to the deck.
Come on, let's go.
Please, everyone,
just follow me, okay.
Come on, everybody.
Come on, everybody.
Come on, follow me.
Come on, come on.
To the back of the boat.
Let's go.
Hi.
Could I please have
everybody's attention?
We're gonna need you all
to move down to the lower deck.
In a single file, please.
Oh my God, yeah,
we should docked by now.
Everyone, downstairs
to the lower level now.
Let's go.
You were right about
your small situation.
You saw it, didn't you?
It killed two innocent girls.
We need to call for help
or abandon ship.
Ladies, we're having
some technical issues.
-Everything's cool.
-Everything is not cool.
We have a huge rodent problem.
Where is Jazzy?
Actually, and Arianna?
Are they partying without me
on my birthday?
Skanks.
Look, we get everyone
down to the lower level,
and then we'll figure out
your rodent problem, all right?
What if that's what it wants?
All of us together,
like some sort of buffet?
Oh, there's food.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, dinner's served.
Please, be our guest
down in the grand ballroom.
Lower level, all right?
Capiche?
Come on.
Happy birthday to me.
And many more.
Take a nap, mijo, okay?
And when you wake up,
you'll get to see Daddy.
What are they doing?
It's locked.
That sounds like a fire hazard.
And it's definitely
not supposed to be locked.
Do you have keys?
Do I look like a janitor to you?
No, it's not that.
It's like it's--
it's like stuck or something.
I don't know.
Or it's been jammed.
We've got to get everyone
out of here now.
-Hey!
-Hey! Hey, hey, hey.
-Open the door!
-Open the door!
Open the door. Over here.
We should have docked by now!
Keep it down, asshole.
Who you calling an asshole,
dick nose?
Hey, fuck you!
-Fuck me?
-Yeah!
-Fuck you!
-Fuck you both!
Fuck all three of you.
I'm trying to sleep over here.
Hey, hey, somebody
locked the door.
-What?
-We're locked in.
How are we locked in?
All right,
everybody shut up and listen.
There's been an incident,
all right?
The captain's dead.
Who's driving the boat?
How about
a little discretion, huh?
Dead men tell no tales.
What happened?
The situation is developing.
I need everybody
just to remain calm.
Remain calm?
Are you out
of your fucking mind?
There's a killer on
the Staten Island Ferry.
And we're locked in.
Martinez, report.
Anybody. Della Salla?
I need help down here.
Okay, okay, I'll say it.
It's got to be terrorists.
-What?
-Oh!
No, I'm the bad guy.
All right, sorry for being
a truth teller.
I got no service.
None of us have service,
you dick!
We're on a boat.
We're trapped on this boat
with a murderer.
And we're locked in.
How the fuck
are we getting out of here?
With our big fucking balls.
That's how!
Some asshole is trying
to hijack our ferry?
Kill our captain?
Come for us?
No.
I say fuck that prick.
Nobody screws with us.
We don't start shit.
We don't give a shit.
And we sure as shit
don't take shit from nobody.
Damn right! Damn right!
You know why?
Because we are
fucking New Yorkers!
That's why!
I'm not wasting
another motherfucking minute
waiting for help.
I say we find this
son of a bitch
and toss his ass overboard.
Now who's with me?
That's what I'm talking about!
Huh?
Hey! Hey, open the door!
Yeah!
Are you seeing what I'm seeing?
Or am I just fucking high?
It is a small world after all.
Get him!
Yeah, but we can't just
stand here.
-Oh my God!
-Ow! What the fuck?
Are they having
an electrical night parade?
No, no! Back up! Back up!
Let go of the door handle!
We have to help them!
They are already dead!
If we don't get the hell
out of here, we are dead, too!
Let's go!
Over here!
Okay, I know this night
isn't going
the way we thought it would.
But that thing
is still down there.
And it will get bored
and come looking for us.
If this were a terrorist attack,
we would find a safe place,
barricade ourselves in,
and call for help.
The captain has a radio.
Maybe he radioed N.Y.P.D.
Or-- or the coast guard.
Or-- or Seal Team Six.
There's a few problems there.
One, the radio's in pieces.
And two, we're really,
really off course.
Who's steering the ship?
You remember Tommy?
Oh God.
There has to be some sort of
emergency transponder
in the engine room, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, the transponder pings
the tower.
Once they realize we're
off course with no comms,
they'll send for help.
Okay, how long could that take?
I don't know.
Maybe minutes? Hours?
Depends on the power staying on.
So we just wait it out
and avoid Stuart Little?
Stop it with the lights, please!
God, I'm getting the spins.
-Oh.
-Oh.
-Where the...
-Oh, here.
No, thanks.
Bill, it's my birthday.
Anybody? There we go!
We are so incredibly fucked.
Give it back.
Oh, yeah.
Come on, kid.
Stay close.
-Officer!
-What?
You have to come quick.
There's something wrong
with the lights.
Fuck.
Whoa, jeez.
Not tonight, Jamie.
I'm working.
I know.
But it's fun.
And it's dangerous.
And we're in here all alone.
Can you feel the love tonight?
I gotta go. There's something
going on with the lights.
And you smell like
Jgermeister and...
Is that Nathan's?
Oh. Am I over the limit,
officer?
I need some sobriety test.
And I know you have something
I can blow on.
It doesn't work like that.
Okay, it kind of does.
Oh, yeah, I'll just pretend
it's nothing.
What the hell?
Why would a giant rat take
the Staten Island Ferry?
Is it your mascot
or something? Like--
Hey, would you keep it down?
Maybe it wants some cheese.
Have you tried that?
I think Mama packed
some in my purse.
It has excellent hearing.
How would you know?
Are you some like rat expert
or something?
It has huge ears.
It's cute.
Stay close.
We have no idea what's ahead.
Guys.
Where's the birthday princess?
Oh shit.
Oh God.
Cindi!
Cindi, get back here!
We can't leave her.
I won't tell if you guys don't.
Okay, come on, come on.
Hey, come on, come on.
Oh!
You scared the shit out of me.
We're not the ones
you should be scared of.
You saw a pizza rat, too.
Seriously? Pizza rat?
Well, yeah,
we got to call it something.
Name's Moses.
This is Mateo.
We've been looking
for anyone else.
How the hell did you guys
survive down there?
Specialty construction boots.
I found the kid laying
on a rubber kitchen mat,
and mostly, he was quiet as a...
Well, you know.
How'd you survive?
We tried to get in.
The door was locked.
Oh, that damn rat
chipped them off.
Maybe it locked us out
on purpose to keep us safe.
Maybe it didn't want us to die.
Yeah, that doesn't make
any sense.
Yeah, I don't--
I don't think Rizzo the rat
is the keep people safe type,
you know?
Hey, we've got to
get off this horror cruise.
Maybe swim to Governors Island
or maybe the
statue or something.
That water is way colder
than you think it is.
Our bodies will go
into hypothermic shock
within minutes.
We'd basically be frozen.
Let it go.
We're going in the control room.
Come with us.
No one else is dying tonight,
okay?
As long as we stick together.
I'm Amber. That's Selena.
This is Pete.
He's the first mate now.
About time.
All right, yeah.
- Let's go.
- All right.
Pete?
If that's you,
quit messing around
and hand me the
Phillips screwdriver.
No, you moron.
I said Phillips.
You high again?
I'm surrounded by idiots.
Are you kidding me, Pete?
Okay. I know you don't
want to be the first mate.
But I'm not exactly swimming
in options here, okay?
Fuck, just give me
the damn hammer!
What is this?
Holy fuck!
Oh!
Where is everybody?
Hello?
It's like a fucking runway
over here.
Okay.
Hello?
You guys are going to jump out
and yell, "Surprise!"
I cannot be held liable
for my actions.
Hello?
Okay.
It-- Can't get some-- fuck.
Oh, Jesus.
Fucking ferry Wi-Fi
fucking sucks.
I swear to God,
they're getting an email.
I'm so fucking over this.
Oh my God.
iPhone unavailable.
Why can't I?
I just want to go out. I just...
What the fuck?
That isn't the captain, is it?
No, that--
that was the temp captain.
That was the real captain.
I think I'm going to be sick.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not so fast, kiddo.
Nothing you need to see here.
Mayday, mayday. SOS.
The Staten Island Ferry
is fucked.
That little shit
broke everything.
I wish I could say
this was the first time tonight
I walked into the bridge
to find a dead captain.
So does that make you
the captain now?
No.
No.
Being the captain is
not on my list of shit
to accomplish before I die.
Which feels oddly soon,
given the circumstances.
We'll figure it out.
Barry, you made it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Easy there, old-timer.
Sure.
Because they told us
to get to the lower level.
I knew that was the last place
I wanted to go.
You're going to be okay.
I'm dead, just like you.
You're all going to die.
You said that last week,
and the week before,
and earlier tonight,
but still we're here.
Well, not all of us.
Holy shit.
Actually get service.
Oh, no, no.
Fuck this. Fuck this.
It's my fucking birthday
and I reject all of this.
No, no!
Stop.
Come on.
Fuck!
Fuck you, you fury motherfucker!
Flares.
We can use the flares
to signal the mainland.
There's an emergency stash
down at the lower level.
Okay.
Kid ain't going back down there
and I ain't leaving the kid.
Not with whatever it loose
on board.
Willie.
This is about Steamboat Willie.
Did you say Steamboat?
Yeah, actually,
the Staten Island Ferry's
been running since the 1800s,
and most of them were run
on steam until about the '70s.
What? I paid attention
during staff training.
I heard stories about a
monster that lurked in the
underbelly of the ferry,
but nobody ever found proof.
Wait, you were a deckhand?
In the 1960s.
And even then they told
tales of an imaginative,
joyous,
kind-hearted captain
by the name of Walter.
But everyone called him, "Walt".
He was a man of the sea with
a heart as big as the ocean.
It was on his ship
that he stumbled into a
creature unlike any other.
Willie.
Willie was some
kind of experiment
abandoned in the cargo hold.
They were trying to
make him more animated,
more appealing to kids.
So he set Willie free.
Willie became his friend.
He gave Willie his freedom,
his dignity, and his purpose.
But then tragedy struck,
and just like that,
Willie was gone.
As time went by,
some thought that maybe
he was just an urban legend,
a figment of Walt's
overactive imagination.
Now, after 90 years,
he's finally out in the public.
Who knows what he wants.
Wow. That's going to make
one fucked up cartoon someday.
Wait, so this boat
is the same boat
that was in the story?
Parts of it, yes.
Everything gets recycled
over and over again.
To save money.
Stop, please!
Oh, God! Oh.
Oh, God.
Please.
Roscoe, where'd you go?
Fucking coward.
Die, you rat motherfucker!
What the fuck?
Oh shit.
What's the plan?
Oh, if you want to
get off this boat,
you're going
to have to get those flares.
Which means we're going to
have to leave Barry here
and go down below deck.
Hey, you guys know
who this kid is?
Borough President's son, right?
Your daddy's probably got a
whole fleet out looking for us.
Yeah, once we realize
rescue's close,
we'll fire him off and
everything will be okay, right?
Fuck me,
that did not sound right.
Come on, guys,
we've got to go get the flares.
Together, as a group.
Right, right, they're down
in the engine room.
When we get down there,
I'll try and fix this.
Look, I used to do electrical
work back in the day.
I'll go with you.
Uh-uh.
We'll go with you.
Little man watching over us,
we'll be all right.
Right, Captain Pete?
Yeah.
Okay, all right, come on.
Hey.
All right, here we go.
Okay, all right.
The entrance to the
engine room is straight ahead.
It's like a maze of secret
tunnels and hallways.
I mean, this boat is crazy.
Okay, Moses and Mateo,
you guys are going
to go straight ahead.
-Be right there.
-Right.
And then the flares
are going to be back here
next to the fuse box.
We got this.
All right.
You wear leadership well.
Yeah, I'm kind of just
learning as I go along.
Where the hell did I put--
Here we go.
Now, I got you something.
It's nothing special,
but I think it'll help you
get through the rest of this
voyage.
Ta-da!
I know they're not very unique,
but they are very practical.
Just do me a favor, okay?
Don't die down there.
Aye-aye, Captain.
Please stop calling me,
"captain".
Did you hear that?
Yeah, I fucking hate
the engine room.
Probably not a good time
to mention that. Yeah.
Mateo, stay close, all right?
-Hey, hey.
-What?
Let's exterminate this rat,
all right?
All right.
Dominique?
You're alive!
-Deckhand Pete?
-Yeah.
Well, technically,
it's Captain Pete, right?
Acting, only temporary.
Hey, is the emergency
transponder still running?
Oh, no, not without power.
Damn.
You-- you guys have
to help me fix it.
Down this way.
-Yeah, we can do.
-All right.
Yeah, okay, okay.
Stay here, buddy.
I'll be right over there.
Okay. All right, where is it?
Here we go. Come on.
Okay, right there.
Someone did a number
on this thing.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Moses! What the? What the?
-Whoa.
-Sorry, Pete.
I got you, I got you, got you.
Dom, what the--
I'm taking orders
from a new captain now.
Subtle.
See, Willie, he's not
the only one of his kind.
We're on a rescue mission
to find someone lost at sea.
Nothing is going to stand
in his way.
(SCREAMBOAT WILLIE GRUNTS]
Look, look, look, look, look.
Go, go, go.
You got it.
Right in the eye.
Get the flares.
Let's call the cavalry.
It's empty.
Fucking perfect.
If we survive this night,
I'm going right to JFK
and getting on the first
flight back to Minnesota.
Never coming back
to Staten Island again.
We get that a lot.
Bro, she done lost
her damn mind.
I know, I know.
Look, we need to warn
the girls, all right?
And then we got to get
out of here.
I've got all the flares
on the ship right here.
No help's coming, Pete.
Our world is fucked.
But Willie's world?
It's the happiest place
on earth.
Dom, aren't you a little old
to be obsessed
with a mischievous mouse?
We're all a little mad here.
This is Captain Willie's ship
and you're all going
down with it!
Wait, wait, wait!
Dom, Dom, Dom, listen.
Captain Willie on deck.
I did everything you asked,
Captain.
I-- I killed the engine.
I locked the doors.
The transponder
is totally fried chicken.
Let's just go!
Bro, get up, get up!
Let me go, just go!
Hey, come on, we got to go!
Go, go, go, go, go, go.
Hey, ugly!
Say cheese, motherfucker.
Oh boy.
Are you okay?
You all right, Mateo?
I don't think he made it, kid.
I'm going to get you
out of here.
Promise.
Well, as the last member
of the crew,
I guess that
makes me captain.
Fuck me.
But a captain keeps his word.
I'm going to get you off
this ship.
Hey, quiet.
I think that mouse is close.
Pete!
You guys okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, we're doing all right
down here.
Got this guy watching my back.
Hey, Mateo.
We're going to get you guys out.
Hang on. We're going to
move this stuff, okay?
Yeah.
We're sinking down here.
Everything's stuck.
It's heavy.
That's not good.
Find some leverage.
Fast.
It's getting kinda moist
down here, guys.
Okay, we're going to have
to pull together, all right?
Ready? Push!
All right. I think we can fit
through that hatch.
You're going to have to
get on my shoulders, okay?
I'm going to get you up there.
Come on, Mateo. Come on, buddy.
Here we go. 1, 2, 3.
Guys, he's in here with us!
Take the kid!
Come at me, you trash weasel!
Come on, let's go.
Come, come, come.
Stay right here.
Pete!
Hurry up!
I don't think so, darling.
I'm Captain.
But if I'm going down
with this ship,
this little fucker's
coming with me.
Come on.
Fuck!
My brother drew that tattoo!
Pete!
Don't throw your life away.
Not for the Staten Island Ferry.
I'm not doing it for the ferry.
Pete!
Everybody, off the ship.
Captain's orders.
It's been an honor, Captain.
Fuck you.
How are you doing, partner?
Look at me!
This is our boat!
Come on.
Come on. Come on. Come on!
No!
We have to go! Come on!
Pete!
Come on!
Hey, come on!
Don't!
It looks so pretty.
And it's so close.
Like we could just swim there.
Pete died to give us a chance.
We can't throw it away.
I'm done.
You're just exhausted.
Let me go find something
to warm you up.
Willie isn't dead.
We need to get
to the highest level.
Maybe somebody will find us
before Willie does.
He just keeps coming.
Why?
What is it?
What does he want?
My mom used to say,
"When all else fails, try love.
And always keep a weapon
in your purse."
Your mom was a wise lady.
She must've been lost at sea.
That's why he's looking for her.
That's why he changed course.
Beautiful!
Murder Mouse has a rat wife.
Can we please focus
on the problem at hand?
The boat is sinking.
We can't forget that.
Look at her skirt.
What are the chances?
I have an idea.
Okay, Selena,
you're disassociating
from trauma.
I need you to stay with me.
No, no, no.
No, I'm present.
I gotta go get something.
No, it isn't up.
We have to go up.
Go. Take Mateo.
I am done running.
I'm gonna kill Steamboat Willie.
Again, totally unnecessary.
Trust me.
I'll find you.
You better.
Come on.
Please let there be scissors.
Oh, that's even better.
Okay, okay.
Wait. Oh, hey!
Hey!
Over here!
Hey!
Over here!
Over here!
Hey!
Oh, no. Come on, kid.
Come on.
Hide right here. Don't move.
Get down.
Willie.
Willie.
Where is my rascally
little stud?
What the...
There's my brave Willie.
Come to me.
Who loves you?
That's right.
Just a little bit closer.
Come and give me a kiss,
you dapper darling.
Amber, wake up!
Amber, I need you to get up.
Please, I need you.
Mateo!
Hey, steamboat fuckface!
You're alive.
Perks of being an EMT.
Mateo!
We're coming to get you!
Just keep swimming!
He's gonna need therapy.
Look.
I can't wait to never step foot
on the Staten Island Ferry
again.
I don't know.
Beats tunnel traffic.
Thank you for looking
after my son.
Are we the only survivors?
For now. Yeah,
but they're still searching.
Come on.
Let's get you a blanket.
I cannot wait to go home.
Still thinking of catching
that plane?
I don't know.
Really?
You're really gonna leave?
Move away after surviving
all of this?
Shit.
If this doesn't make you
a New Yorker, nothing will.
Suppose I can give
your hometown one more shot.
Oh, honey.
I was born in Seattle.
Really?
Wait, you're not
from here either?
You don't have to be
from here to be from here.
You know?
Guess this city
can't get rid of me that easily.
Not for lack of trying.
I do love the shine.
And the grime.
You found this in the water?
Anything can happen in New York.
Amber?
Selena?
Anyone can hear me?
I need help!
Stuck down here!
Pete?
Fuck!
Hello?
Hey, Pete, can you hear me?
Pete, come in!
I'm coming, bro.