Stand-In (1937) Movie Script
Gd
Well?
Hasn't anybody got
anything to say?
We were waiting to hear
what you had to say, father.
Stop mumbling.
I said...
What do you think of
atterbury's survey?
Said nothing of the sort.
But if you want my opinion,
I think it's fiddle-faddle.
What do you think, junior?
I concur with you, grandfather.
You are always right.
No one is always right.
Will that boy ever grow up?
Wire ivor Nassau
in Hollywood immediately
that the house of pettypacker
will accept his offer
of five million dollars
for the colossal film company.
Before he recovers
consciousness.
And thank atterbury
for his survey,
and tell him of our decision.
I'm honored by your invitation
to address my Alma mater.
In the past, however, I've
encountered difficulty
in persuading my hearers that
the science of mathematics
is not one of mere figures
in geometrical design.
Three o'clock, Mr. dodd.
One minute past, you're late.
But a science more important
to life than food and drink?
A science... that account
should have been out last night.
Without which,
there could be no music.
No poetry. No art.
Does this balance, Mr. dodd?
There's
an error in the addition.
The total should be 1,296,321.
- The flight of the birds...
- Adding machine...
Have the adding machine fixed.
The leap of a salmon,
the rhythm of the dance,
all are mathematical.
- Ah, atterbury.
- Good afternoon, junior.
Grandpa, er, all of us wish
to thank you for your survey.
Proves my point. It'd be
ridiculous to sell colossal.
But...
- But what?
- We, uh...
We have decided to take
Mr. Nassau's offer.
Is your grandfather
still in the boardroom?
Uh, yes.
But atterbury, don't you see...
I see a stubborn disregard for
my conclusions, Mr. pettypacker.
But I see more than that.
I see 30,202 stockholders
who are not getting
the protection to which
they are entitled.
And just how will you go about
helping them?
I'd go to Hollywood.
I'd examine the company's
records, discover the error,
and correct it.
Sounds simple, atterbury.
But here, we're dealing
with human factors.
In matters of business, one is
forced to ignore human factors.
You're smart, but you're young.
I'm old, but
I'm still pretty smart.
Atterbury,
do you realize those
are real folks you see
acting those things out
on the screen? Yeah.
It's like this:
One fellow writes a story,
and another fella directs it.
Or a lot of different
temperaments.
That's the way motion pictures
are made, atterbury.
I know, I've looked into it.
Two and two make four,
Mr. pettypacker,
whether they be fish, apples,
or human beings.
You're a pig-headed young man,
atterbury!
You mistake confidence
for stubbornness,
Mr. pettypacker.
Confidence based on mathematics.
A science which has
never failed.
It never will fail.
I'll stake my future on it.
- Good day, sir.
- Wait!
You'll stake your future, we're
staking five million dollars!
I beg your pardon
Mr. pettypacker,
you're staking
nothing of the sort.
You're selling a ten million
dollar property for five million
because it offers problems.
You're deliberately giving away
five million of your
stockholders' money.
- Atterbury, how dare you...
- Shut up!
Shut up!
In 72 years of
banking, atterbury,
no one has ever said
a thing like that to me before.
It's your judgment
against mine now,
so you go to Hollywood.
You'll be in full charge,
with unlimited authority.
But if you fail,
don't come back.
I'll go to Hollywood.
Have that vulcanized, junior.
Yes, grandfather.
Hello spectators,
this is rush Hughes,
your Hollywood photographer,
hello, hello, and hello.
Atterbury dodd, New York
financial wizard is due in today
to doctor the ailing
colossal studio but,
and this is the lowdown,
colossal is not sick,
it's dying from slow poison.
My guess is it's an inside job
engineered by
an outside chiseler
with the aid of which fading
feminine supersex star
and what cheese director with
a phony foreign accent?
- Don't ask.
- Phooey.
Picture a strange Hollywood...
I don't like it.
It's too much talk.
Don't give it
a thought, Mr. Nassau.
I'll take care of
Mr. atterbury dodd.
And what's the first thing I do?
I break his glasses
so he can't read the books!
Then during the days, I'll
put him on the merry-go-round.
And of an evening, cheri here
can give him the neon treatment.
That is, unless the
old gray mare
ain't what she used to be!
Potts!
You should play
gone with the wind.
But for good you should be gone!
Ah, save them cracks
for your pictures.
So you see, Mr. Nassau,
by the time I pour him
back in the grate, he's so...
Just a minute, potts.
Do you know who
you're dealing with?
Dodd is the most
brilliant financial brain
that has been
developed in wall street
for the past ten years.
Why, he's...
Hey, the third race is on!
And here
they come down the stretch.
Boy, what a race. Pom-pom's cut
the lead down to half a length
and, there it is folks,
almost a photographic finish.
Lady Ethel the winner, pom-pom
second, and witchcraft third.
Now, in just a moment...
And this is the point, potts.
And you two might listen.
I'll tell it as simply as I can.
Who knows, you might get it.
We're trying to put over
a pretty fast deal.
It's conceivable that the
sheer novelty of your drivel
may daze him, for a short time.
He might bore him to death.
Yeah, but your job is tougher.
Dodd doesn't drink,
doesn't smoke,
doesn't go out with girls.
Ah, they don't have to worry
Thelma none.
Even without his specs,
dodd can figure
she ain't no ingenue.
Oh, the whole setup
makes me sick.
You're as bad an actress
off as you're on.
You know this deal means
a great deal to both of us.
Now I get mine the day colossal
closes, and you get yours.
A five-year contract with the
studio that absorbs colossal.
That isn't bad for a star
that's been on a
downgrade for two years.
She will do as I should say so.
Oh, the masterful type, huh?
Mr. quintain is outside,
Mr. Nassau.
I'm not in.
He knows that miss cheri
and Mr. koslofski are here.
Well, well, I ain't here.
Now listen, both of you,
and concentrate hard.
Quintain knows more about the
picture business than any of us.
We've fooled him so far because
this is not picture business.
It's hijacking.
Ah, the genius of colossal.
- Quintain, glad to see 'ya.
- You're a liar.
- Nice going, girly.
- Why, Doug...
Listen, you've got
a picture to finish,
or maybe it slipped your mind.
I cannot shoot
without an ending.
Oh, don't give me that.
From the start, this picture
smelled from herring.
First it was writers,
dozens of 'em.
Then your cameraman.
You shoot five weeks
with a guy that's been
photographing you since 1898.
And just because he can't squirt
elixir of youth out of his lens,
you start from scratch
with a new boy.
- Oh, Doug, you know...
- I know you've stole
a million bucks
extra load on the picture.
Naturally, New York's got a
yearn to know what's the matter.
Well, get this: I'm not
taking the slap for it.
You're the producer, aren't you?
He's just your director.
She's your star.
And what do you got
to do with this?
Or have you?
Say, listen chiseler, if I
thought you had your slimy...
Oh, cool off.
Pour yourself a drink.
Doug, you don't expect me to
play a love scene I don't feel.
Love scenes the way
you feel them?
Look, Camille,
they've got censors,
or maybe you haven't heard?
Oh, listen, baby.
Why don't you quit this racket?
You're poison at the box office.
Finish the picture
and give up gracefully.
Koslofski, you directed
a good picture once.
Why don't you prove
it was no accident?
I do not argue with peasants.
Oh, so it's like that, eh? Okay.
Well, get it up off there
and shoot your love scene.
Smell up the joint good,
but close the picture.
That's "or else".
You forget that my contract
gives me approval
of cast, direction, cutting...
You're telling me
about your contract?
I'm the cluck
that gave it to you.
Sure, everybody
in Hollywood knows it.
To a dame I was in love with.
So help me, I'm still in love.
Doug, please.
Oh, Doug, now you're not
gonna start that again.
- One drink and you're a bang.
- So what?
So you're washed up, just
another guy that jumped in
a gin bottle and pulled
the cork in after him.
- Ha!
- All right, go ahead.
Ruin your life, my life.
But this time you'll
bail yourself out.
A charming domestic scene.
Mr. quintain.
You will please to me
the courtesy
to not making love
to my fiance.
In my presence.
Listen, slug. I was
making love to your fiance
long before they turned over
that wet stone
and you crawled out.
Come on, Mac.
Gd
May I have your
autograph, please?
Yes, my chickadee.
Mickey! Hey Mickey!
Oh, you're a lifesaver.
Take the body home before
it collapses, will 'ya?
Oh...
Oh, my feet are killing me!
You don't mind, do 'ya?
You're goin' my way.
You don't have to
stand this, mister.
Oh, Mickey.
Drive on, please.
Oh, you don't know
how grateful I am.
You comin' or goin'?
Uh, arriving.
Are you an actress?
Uh-uh. I'm a stand-in
for Thelma cheri.
Pardon my inquiring, but
would you mind telling me
who is Thelma cheri,
and what is a stand-in?
I'd go without pie for a week
if Thelma could
hear you say that.
But you do know
what a star is, don't you?
Well, um, vaguely, yes.
How you must get around.
Well, Thelma cheri's a star,
and, like most stars,
she's a pretty
fragile cut of steak.
She mustn't be
fatigued or mussed.
And, above all, she must never
be so vulgar as to perspire.
Hence, the stand-in
does her sweating for her.
I see.
Uh, I'm sorry but
I haven't the faintest idea
what you're talking about.
Now, look. You wouldn't expect
a star to endure the heat
of the lights while
they're setting up
the cameras and
microphones, would you?
No, I suppose not.
No. So they dig up a gal,
that's me, to stand in for her
while all this torture goes on.
Oh, yeah?
Then, when everything's set,
the star, cool and immaculate,
puts her dainty little feet
in the chalk marks.
And the stand-in,
worn and wilted,
fades out of the picture and
business goes on as usual.
I see.
Yes.
Say, Sonny boy, who are you,
anyway, to rate this car?
Oh, my name is dodd.
Atterbury dodd.
Oh, I'm Lester plum.
How do you do?
How do you do?
You in the picture business?
As a matter of fact, I'm a kind
of stand-in, too. For my bank.
You see, I'm out here
to take temporary charge
of colossal studios.
Mister, with your practically
encyclopedic knowledge
of the picture business,
you ought to be terrific.
Boy, that certainly
rounds out my existence.
Life can hold
but one more moment for me.
- Indeed?
- Yeah.
When they make Shirley temple
president of a bank.
Oh.
Yes.
So, you're the new boss
at colossal, huh?
Tell me, are you a
doer or a don't-er?
I beg your pardon?
Well, the don't-ers are
the guys that go Hollywood.
They have beaucoup fun,
but they don't do anything.
It's the doers
that wreck the works.
They barge in and
fire everybody.
My dear young woman,
I am a businessman.
Naturally, there are
some aspects
peculiar to this business,
and it's my plan
to find out about them.
Ah! A finder-outer.
Now we're getting someplace.
An orderly mind, miss plum, does
not attempt to arrive at a total
until it has assimilated
a complete list
of the items involved.
Yeah, but most
of the finder-outers
get their list of items
from the screwer-uppers.
The, uh, screwer-uppers?
Hey, Mickey,
here's the homestead.
Okay.
You're a lamb, Sonny boy.
But, uh, don't let 'em lead you
to the slaughterhouse.
So long.
Hey, Sonny boy!
Wait a minute! Hey!
We're very
proud of this suite, Mr. dodd.
Two bedrooms, one in orchid,
and the other in pale fudge.
And the bath in
dramatic jungle red.
Tell me, how much
does all this bad taste cost?
Oh, a hundred dollars a day.
But I shouldn't worry.
It's charged to colossal.
Well, doddsy, old sock,
sorry I lost you at the station.
Get a load of that space.
Boy, you couldn't
have grabbed more
if you was a
trunk murder victim.
Hey, some hideaway
you got here, you dog.
Make it snappy,
my tongue's hanging out.
Here you are,
charge it to colossal.
That's the picture business
for you, doddsy.
Look, doddsy, the girls here
broke plenty of dates
for us tonight.
Girls, meet Mr. dodd.
- How do you do?
- Hi.
Doddsy here is the
first guy I ever met
that ever made a crack
about my name.
What is your name?
Potts, and I got a window!
Oh, now look, doddsy,
here's the menu for tonight.
First, we attack the trocadero.
Get your autograph book filled
just like that.
Mr. potts,
I appreciate your... friends
breaking numerous
engagements for me, but
I'm here on business.
Mr. dodd?
- You are Mr. dodd, ain'tcha?
- Yes.
I read you were comin' here
to run colossal,
and I made up my mind
I was gonna see you.
I've been here six months!
And I haven't been able to
get into a studio.
Elvira, this is Mr. dodd,
who can give you a contract.
There's not a child in Hollywood
who can do the things
that my elvira can do.
Now, swing it, child.
Gd
Elvira sure can
go to town, can't she?
Elvira, do that Mae west number.
Don't you think
elvira's done enough?
That's up to you, Mr. dodd.
Now, tell me honestly.
What do you think?
I'll tell you
quite honestly, madam.
I think this little girl should
be out in the sunshine,
playing with her dolls,
instead of being forced
to give a revolting
exhibition like this.
No wonder you couldn't get
into any of the studios.
Do you know what you are doing?
You're robbing your daughter
of her childhood.
- So will you please leave?
- But...
Or shall I be forced to send
for the juvenile authorities?
Attaboy, atterbury!
Get it? Attaboy, atterbury?
Will you excuse me?
I... I'm not feeling very well.
A shot of bicarb'll fix that.
How do you do?
How do you do, sir?
Could I speak to
miss Lester plum, please?
Step right in, my son,
and I'll tell her.
Thank you, sir.
Uh, won't you be seated?
Oh, they've decided
on somebody else?
Extra work?
But I starred in that picture
in the silent days.
There must be some little part.
Lester is making herself decent.
I see.
Well, thanks anyway.
What news from
the battlefront, Naomi?
- They offered me extra work.
- Don't take it, Naomi.
Fight it out on this land
if it takes all summer.
That's what I'm doing.
And with
the battle of gettysburg
scheduled for a remake,
they'll have to come to me,
and I'm ready for them.
Four score and seven years ago
our fathers brought forth
upon this continent,
a new nation,
conceived in Liberty,
and dedicated to the, uh...
Uh, to the, to the...
Uh, proposition that
all men are created equal.
And now we're engaged
in a great war.
A great civil war.
For seven years
I have waited for this part,
and I would've sworn
that I was ready.
But now, I...
Four score and seven years ago
our fathers brought forth upon
this continent, a new nation...
Sonny boy!
Miss plum.
- You forgot this.
- Oh, thank you.
I could have stopped by
the hotel for it.
You would not have
found me there.
Oh. Uh, come on over
and sit down, huh?
Thank you.
Miss plum, tell me.
There must be some place
where a man can live
without being
tricked and tormented
by people who want to do
his thinking for him?
Not when you're a big shot.
That's the picture business.
Tommy!
- Hello.
- How'd it go, kid?
- Oh, I didn't do it.
- Aw.
Well, gee, Lester,
it was a tough stunt.
You see, Blake and me are
supposed to be fencing
at the top of the palace steps.
And he gives it to me.
And they wanted me to do that
for seven and a half bucks.
Can you imagine that?
Oh, I don't blame you, Tommy.
It's worth fifteen bucks
if it's worth a cent.
But he just did it for nothing!
Well, I got my pride, haven't I?
Besides, that's the
picture business.
That I feel like kind of a heel
owing the old lady
so much back rent.
Gosh, if I was sure I'd crack
a couple of ribs or something,
I'd have done it.
Eighteen bucks a week and
hospital expenses isn't so bad.
Would've been just my luck
not even to get hurt.
Miss plum,
goodbye.
I'm sorry to have burdened you.
Wait.
Uh, if you don't mind
sharing the bathtub
with a trained seal,
we have a vacancy here.
- Here?
- Sure.
It's the last place in the world
they'd ever expect to find you.
And if you're on the level about
that finder-outer business,
these folks here
know all the answers.
They're down and out, but
the only difference between them
and the people on top is
the others have jobs now.
Miss plum,
I'll send for my things.
And as for that, uh,
trained seal,
I'm sure he can't be
half as obnoxious
as a certain Mr. potts.
Precisely what I wanted.
Are you sure the hams
won't get you down?
Hams, failures, and has-beens?
They don't seem to have
got you down, miss plum.
Me? I heard the list of
"who's through in Hollywood."
Come here and I'll show you.
Oh, uh, I forgot to tell you
we're neighbors. Any objections?
I see no reason why that
should affect the situation.
No, you're right. It wouldn't.
Oh, here it is.
Let's sit down over here.
Would you think that's me?
- No.
- Oh, such is fame.
When that picture was taken,
I was getting $4,000 a week.
- Four thousand a week?
- Mm-hmm.
I was the Shirley temple
of my day.
I've heard that name
several times today, miss plum.
Who is miss temple?
Skip it.
Well, it's not important.
Tell me, miss plum,
what is your present
remuneration?
Well, if you mean wages, I make
$40 a week, when working.
It's entirely wrong, miss plum.
Mm, you're telling me.
I mean, the ratio
of $4,000 to $40.
An inventory
taken today would show
that you have the same assets
that you had as a child.
Your mind is mature,
above average,
- if I may say so.
- You may.
Please don't interrupt,
miss plum.
- Okay, teach.
- Yes.
Physically, you are stronger.
Potentially, if you were
worth $4,000 a week then,
you should be worth
$8,000 a week now.
It's simple mathematics.
- There must be some element...
- I'll say there's an element.
Hey. Do you like chocolate?
Chocolate, miss plum? Yes.
Okay, then maybe John public
likes vanilla.
Vanilla?
Look.
Gd
You like it?
- It's horrible, miss plum.
- Sure.
But when I was so gross,
it was awful cute.
- But, miss plum...
- The point is,
Sonny boy, that I'm now dishing
raspberry and John public
- still likes vanilla.
- I see.
Oh, I'm not squawking
'cause old age got me.
I've still got my
social security number.
Hey.
You'll be needing a secretary,
and I've got the answer.
Come here. Look.
My night school diploma.
Read it and gasp.
Maxima cum laude. That's Greek
for "with highest honors."
I'm afraid
that's Latin, miss plum.
And, as a matter of fact, I've
usually had a male secretary.
Oh, well, I'll try to keep my
voice and my emotions
in a low register.
Lester?
You know the rules of the house.
Oh, Mrs. mack,
I was about to call you.
I was showing Mr...
Mr. atterbury the next room.
The rent's $12 a week.
I don't allow
cooking in the rooms,
drinking on the premises,
and I expect my guests
to be ladies and
gentlemen all the time.
Oh, one more thing.
No pets of any kind.
I'd, I'd...
Uh, silvernose
belongs to my husband.
He's the only
trained seal in pictures.
Gets more fan mail
than Clark gable.
- Who, uh...
- Uh, skip it.
You know, for the moment,
miss plum, I,
I thought I was...
That's the admiral.
I told Mr. atterbury
about silvernose.
Yes, I'm, I'm sure we won't get
in each other's way, Mrs., um...
Yes.
Excuse me, could you direct me
to Mr. quintain's office?
- Got a pass?
- Why, no, I'm...
I don't care if
you're the tax collector,
nobody gets through
this gate without a pass.
I see. Is that
the usual procedure?
No, this is the usual procedure.
It... it's a pleasure to see
such a competent man
in a position of trust.
Who shall I tell him's calling?
Uh, Mr. dodd.
- Mr. atterbury dodd?
- Yes.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I should've known.
Why? You've never
seen me before.
Uh, sit down, Mr. dodd.
Mr. quintain,
before we discuss business,
let me say that I will
consider it an impertinence
if you ask me to carouse,
drink, or go to parties.
Well, may I ask
what prompts this?
Well, your Mr. potts seems to
be under the impression
that I'm given to
riotous living.
I don't want you
to make the same mistake.
I'm neither a libertine
nor a charlatan.
I'm here for one purpose only:
To ascertain why it is
that colossal is losing money
instead of making it.
Oh, you may count on my
complete cooperation, Mr. dodd.
Yes, I expect that, sir.
I suppose you'd like to take
a look at the books immediately.
Well, it seems to me that if
I were to inspect the factory,
equip myself with
the complete knowledge
of the intricacies
of picture-making,
I could approach the books
more intelligently tomorrow.
Uh, Mr. dodd, I've been in the
business of making pictures
for 20 years, and there's
still several intricacies
that I haven't
figured out myself yet.
Look.
I'll give you a rough idea.
See, here's the
administration building.
Fire and police departments.
Sound stages.
Commissary. Recording room.
Most interesting, Mr. quintain.
But in these walls,
three thousand units,
just to manuafacture
motion pictures.
Units?
Carpenters, electricians,
artisans of all sorts,
cogs in the machine.
They're not cogs and
they're not units, Mr. dodd.
They're people. Human beings.
For the purposes of bookkeeping,
Mr. quintain,
I prefer to
regard them as units.
Now, you peddle this joint
to Nassau and your units
will be on the dole.
Your logic escapes me, sir.
Well, every time an independent
studio becomes important,
Nassau is the heel who
puts them out of business.
He's a stock juggler.
Makes his money out of closing
studios, not operating them.
That's a very startling piece
of information, Mr. quintain.
He'd buy this joint just like
he did excelsior and national.
In fifteen minutes,
it'll be a ghost town.
This way, Mr. dodd.
All right, we can go in now.
Now, hit her on the back
of the head with that spot.
Hey, make it snappy,
will 'ya, kiddies? I'm roasting.
Kill that there,
put a jelly on the 18.
Good.
Now, move that broad in
closer to flood.
First position.
Bring up that baby
and break its neck.
Kill the junior.
Second position.
Heads up.
Doddsy, old socks,
I'm glad to see you!
Come here, come here.
I wanna get a picture of you.
For publicity, understand?
All right, here you are now.
Just point to the dames.
Understand? Get it. Okay.
Why should I point to these...
- Hold it, still!
- Great, great!
Because they're banker finds
snow on a snhowbank!
Get it? Banker? Snowbank?
Come on kids, let's go.
Now let's see the blizzard.
Kill it.
- You've seen enough?
- Quite.
Now, come along, I'll have you
meet miss cheri.
Thelma?
Yeah?
Oh, Thelma, this is
Mr. atterbury dodd.
Miss cheri.
Oh, how do you do, Mr. dodd?
And Mr. koslofski, Mr. dodd.
It's a pleasure. Quite.
Mr. dodd, won't you sit down?
Thank you.
All lined up, chief.
Excuse me.
I'll catch you outside.
I've arranged a little
surprise party in your honor.
I just know you'll love it.
Miss cheri, I shan't.
I don't like parties.
I don't know what to say
to people, I just sit in corners
and wish I might go home.
That's exactly how I feel.
But, of course,
you're in a position
to do as you please, while I...
I'm a slave, really.
To the millions of people
who depend on me
to bring cheer into
their drab lives.
Well, excuse me.
Oh, forgive me.
You shouldn't be an executive.
Oh, no indeed.
Look in that mirror.
You have such,
such fine, chiseled features.
All set, miss cheri.
Better hurry, or your
stand-in will fry.
Well, let her fry.
I think I shall insist upon you
for my leading man.
Miss cheri, I sometimes
find it difficult to
differentiate between
facetiousness and sincerity.
- Mm-hmm.
- But if you're not joking,
my duties here would prevent
any such project.
Even if I could permit myself
to be exhibited in the films.
Oh, but stranger
things than that
have happened in Hollywood.
Why, even I was a cigarette girl
in a nightclub in Dallas once.
Would you believe that?
Oh, yes. Excuse me.
Has he lost something?
No. He's looking
for camera angles.
What is this?
- Flay the lights.
- It's edelweiss, chief.
It's what the script calls for.
Mr. dodd,
you see with your own eyes
what is up against the creator.
Is this edelweiss?
Well, I'm not a botanist, but
it looks like edelweiss.
Ah, it looks like edelweiss
but it is not edelweiss.
It is paper.
- Get real edelweiss.
- But, chief.
We'd have to
send to Switzerland.
I'll wait.
What shall I do, Mr. quintain?
Well, I think this is something
for the head of the
company to decide.
In as much
as there is a blizzard
raging during the scene,
will anyone see the edelweiss?
Mr. dodd. In Russia,
when I make my great classic
from the cradle to the grave,
I had a real cradle
and a real grave!
Now they want me to
shoot paper flowers.
Thelma, tell him.
I think Mr. dodd
is perfectly right.
How easily your trained mind
cuts through
the obvious conclusion.
All right, let's see
your trained mind cut through
and bring this picture
to an obvious conclusion.
- Shall we...?
- Let us proceed.
Kill the treadmill.
Okay, miss cheri.
All right. Roll 'em.
Give me the effects! Treadmill.
Clouds!
Snowbank!
Trees!
Hey, Mr. dodd.
Oh, how do you do, miss plum?
Well, that's up to you.
Do I get that job or do I
have to pin my faith
on the townsend plan?
This is the last shot
in the picture, you know.
- I'll keep you in mind.
- Yeah, I'll see to that.
Hey, listen Sonny boy.
Don't let them take you
over the high jumps.
Hmm?
You see that thing
over there I was riding on?
It's like a merry-go-round.
It goes like mad and
never gets you anywhere.
I fail to understand.
Yeah, so did Napoleon, and look
what happened in Waterloo.
The blizzard!
- Oh, miss plum...
- Quiet!
Paper edelweiss.
Tell me when it's over.
Cut!
- Colossal studio, good evening.
- How can I connect you?
I'm sorry, miss cheri,
Mr. dodd is still not
accepting any calls.
- Colossal studio.
- I will. You're welcome.
Colossal studio, good evening.
$280,000 for story costs
on sex and Satan.
Fantastic.
Can you tell me why one story
has to be written so many times?
That's the picture business.
"That's the picture business.
Hasn't anybody any answer
for stupidity except
"that's the picture business?
I'm sorry, Mr. dodd,
but that's the only answer.
Hey, Sonny boy.
- Why, miss plum.
- You remember me,
the girl you mentioned
the job to?
I couldn't get you by phone,
you haven't been near the house,
so, here I am.
- Come in, miss plum.
- Thank you.
I'm sorry, sir.
Quite all right, Mr. glover,
don't apologize.
You can go home now,
and thanks very much.
Thank you, sir.
Miss plum, close both doors.
My my, you talk like a producer.
But I can scream
so you can hear it
through more
closed doors than this.
Can you? Oh, yes.
- Have a seat, miss plum.
- Thank you.
I wish to think aloud,
and I find
that I can do so
more efficiently
in the form of conversation.
I've made a
cursory investigation
and, frankly, I'm appalled.
Oh. Maybe you appall easily?
Koslofski. Real edelweiss.
Thelma cheri, eleven writers.
Potts!
Mr. dodd, before you
trust me too far,
don't you think it'd be safer
if I were your secretary
instead of a stray you found
on your doorstep?
Quite true, miss plum.
But I warn you, I require
someone who cannot be corrupted.
And who will be
absolutely faithful to me.
Sonny boy, most men like
women that are faithful
but who will corrupt easily.
Miss plum,
uh, as employer and employee,
I feel that
a certain formality
in our relationship.
Oh, you mean
during business hours
I'm to call you
Mr. dodd, is that it?
Uh, if you will, miss plum.
Okay, Sonny b... uh, Mr. dodd.
Thank you.
I have a confidential telegram
to get off immediately.
I warn you, accuracy and speed
will be the vital factors
affecting your
permanent employment.
"Pettypacker and sons,
wall street, New York City.
"Gentlemen,
"am delaying report re:
Financial structure colossal,
"until special production,
quote, sex and Satan, unquote,
"can be viewed and judged...
"As to potential value. Stop."
Miss plum.
Yes, Mr. dodd?
Would you mind
sitting over here?
No, of course not.
Now, miss plum.
Let us assume that
you are dictating,
and that I am the secretary.
You will observe that
I am not doing this,
nor this,
nor am I doing this.
Instead, I am doing this.
"Yes, Mr. dodd?"
Yes, Mr. dodd.
Let us start again
from the beginning, shall we?
Why should we start
at the beginning?
Why don't we pick it up
where we left off?
Miss plum, this is
no time for levity.
Isn't this what you said?
"Pettypacker and son,
wall street, New York City,
"gentlemen, am delaying
report re: Financial structure
colossal until
special production,
quote, sex and Satan, unquote,
can be viewed and judged
as to potential value, stop.
A truly remarkable
feat of memory, miss plum.
Oh, you forget I was a kid star.
Shirley temple
could've memorized
that dull little speech
of yours backwards.
Of course, I will take it down
in shorthand if you want me to,
but you'll have to slow down.
Yes.
Um, what did I say last?
"Judged as to potential
value, stop."
Exactly.
"Success or failure, this
production
"will vitally influence
"my ultimate decision
re: Sale colossal to Nassau,
"stop.
J happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you j
j happy birthday dear grandpa j
j happy birthday to you j
eh? What's going on?
What's happy about it?
Now, Fowler.
I say what's happy about it?
It looks like a forest fire.
And if that fella,
atterbury dodd,
is the cause of my
losing five million dollars,
gd
What's that for?
I'm gonna get you
a hunk of something
you haven't had for days -
fresh air.
You've got the jitters.
There's nothing the matter
with my nerves.
Sonny boy.
Mr. dodd, I mean.
You forget that I work
beside you all day long
and sleep in the room
next to you at night.
And I haven't done
much sleeping lately
because you've been
doing my treadmill act.
As a matter of fact,
I am disturbed.
Well, the time for you to be
disturbed is tomorrow,
when the picture's
stuck together
and you get your first
horrified look at it.
Miss plum, this is a crisis.
The savings of
30,000 stockholders,
the integrity of my bank,
incidentally, my own career,
all hang on the success
or failure of sex and Satan.
- Now, do you wonder that...
- Plenty.
I wonder if you have any
normal, male instincts.
Hey.
Do you mind if we
talk about me for a minute?
No, not at all.
Did you ever notice anything
about my hair?
- Your hair, miss plum?
- Yes. Feel it.
It's very soft.
And the wave is as natural
as the crease in.
And the color is rich and real
and utterly feminine.
The implication escapes me.
Okay. One strike.
Strike?
Wait.
Look at my eyes.
You notice anything?
There doesn't seem to be
anything wrong with them,
so far as I can see.
If I can rely on
the voice of the mob,
my eyes are of
unusual depth and color,
and they're very large
and wide apart.
Many's the extra boy
who's been willing
to give up his title
for those eyes.
Well?
What you say is no doubt true,
miss plum. But, um...
Okay. Two strikes.
But, you gotta toss me one more.
Mr. dodd, I, um, scarcely
know how to approach this,
but, uh, well, I mean...
Haven't you noticed anything
about me at all?
Why, yes I have, miss plum.
I am intrigued by your mind.
- And I must confess...
- Strike three, I'm out.
I must confess I've studied
your personal appearance
quite exhaustively.
Boy, you've got me there.
Tell me, did your studies reveal
any faint traces of beauty?
Well, you must be
rather beautiful, miss plum,
otherwise the impulse
to observe you
would never have occurred to me.
Oh, you're capable of great
restraint in your admiration.
My dear miss plum,
this is a business day.
All right, so it's
a business day.
Does that mean you have to
stick around here
and worry yourself sick?
You're dead 'til tomorrow.
Meanwhile, you and I
are gonna have some fun.
Miss plum!
Look, maybe you're
gonna fire me for saying this,
but I've got to, because...
Well, because I've just got to.
You know what's
the trouble with you?
You've got figures in your blood
instead of red corpuscles.
You're a scratched entry
in the human race.
Well, my, goodness gracious.
You're a complete...
Well, I can prove it!
- Did you ever hit a man?
- No.
- Did you ever love a woman?
- Never.
Did you ever get drunk
and thrown out on your ear?
Certainly not.
Weren't you ever wicked, or
didn't you ever
want to be wicked?
- Never.
- Haven't you had
- any fun at all?
- I haven't had
- time for fun.
- Well,
we're gonna have
some fun tonight!
Gd
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just couldn't help it.
Miss plum,
please don't go away.
Miss plum,
you show me a picture of myself
that is not pleasant to behold.
I seem to have led
an odd kind of existence.
I've been unaware of life
as it went on around me,
but I was contented,
and I didn't want to be
disturbed in my contentment.
I seem to be left
a long way behind.
Then, you better
start catching up.
I agree.
What are you gonna do about it?
In the future, I shall not
tether my emotions,
I shall give life an opportunity
to make me the kind of person
I might've been.
Miss plum, do you dance?
- Yes, of course!
- Good.
Gd
Well? Come on.
Don't you know how?
No, if you'll
just do it by yourself first.
Okay.
You mind if I use a stand-in?
Stop! Uh, stay right there,
miss plum.
On the fourth beat,
your foot was...
Here,
and the third... here.
Oh, you can't
learn to dance by mathematics.
It's rhythm.
Rhythm is based on
mathematics, miss plum. Hold it.
Gd
Hey, this is Lester.
I... l won't be home for dinner.
No, and Mrs. mack, don't hold
dinner for Mr. atterbury either.
No. Goodbye.
One, two, three...
Four.
One, two, three, four.
Well, I wouldn't have
believed it if I'd seen it
with my own eyes. Come on.
One, two, three...
Where do you plan
on going tonight?
Four. One...
I decided to take
your advice, miss plum.
Three, four.
I'm going out dancing.
One, two, with miss cheri.
You better take
the rug with 'ya,
you... you vacuum, you!
Why, miss plum...
Jd - one, two, three, four...
- You tango divinely, Mr. dodd.
- One, two, three, four...
Thanks very much.
Two, three, four...
If only this could
go on forever,
instead of just a sweet glimpse.
One, two, three...
A glimpse of what?
Oh, the kind of a glimpse
a girl like me gets
when her orbit crosses the orbit
of a man like you
for one brief moment.
Beg your pardon?
Excuse me.
Do you ever dream, Mr. dodd?
N... no, not habitually.
Two, three, four,
one, two, three, four...
Occasionally, when I have
something to eat
which disagrees with me. Four...
Just won't be serious,
will you, Mr. dodd?
Let's slay 'em, dearie,
- with a rhumba! Hey!
- Hey!
Beg pardon, madam, you are
wanted on the telephone.
Oh, pardon me.
I'll only be a moment.
And remember,
the next dance is mine.
Well, dodd,
how do you like Hollywood?
Well, I... I've been so busy...
Well, that's the trouble,
you big fellas
don't khow how to relax.
You're trying to repair in a day
the accumulated damages of
years of bad management.
Now, I'll take
colossal, for instance...
Yes, that's precisely
what I'm trying to prevent.
Huh?
That's very good, dodd.
Now that you mention it,
I know things about that
situation that you do not know.
Exactly.
For example, you know why
colossal is worth
five million dollars to you,
while the pettypackers
consider it
worthless to their stockholders.
Hmm. You make it sound like
a conspiracy
against the stockholders.
The thought was yours, not mine.
And, Mr. Nassau,
if you are contemplating
trying to intimidate,
cajole, or otherwise swerve
me from my purpose here,
listen, dodd,
you've got lots to learn.
But you're all right.
Yes, sir, you're all right!
Thank you, Mr. Nassau.
But honey, I can't leave.
The brawl's in dodd's honor.
All right. All right, pick me up
when you're through,
but make it early,
will 'ya, babe?
Honey, how's the picture look?
I haven't seen a foot of it.
But let's not talk
about the picture.
I don't wanna fight with you
tonight, you beautiful...
Say, how soon do we get
a look at this cheesecake?
I'm pasting it together
as fast as I can.
Take a look at this.
300 feet of cheri's pan,
stops the action dead.
But if I cut an inch of it,
she'll get me fired.
Gd
Mr. dodd, how do you
occupy your leisure?
Miss cheri, all the excitement,
the romance,
the adventure that I want,
I find in my own way.
Your own way?
Well, if you must know,
in the science of mathematics.
How fascinating!
How dull.
How deadly dull, Mr. dodd.
That's a perfectly
normal reaction, Mr. koslofski,
because you don't know
the science of mathematics.
It's more important to life
than meat and drink.
Without it, there could be
no music. No art. No poetry.
The flight of the bird.
The leap of the salmon.
The rhythm of the d...
The, uh... the...
Flight of the bird,
leap of the salmon, the...
The rhythm of the dance.
It's a lie!
Are you calling me maybe crook?
I'm calling you nothing.
But your possession
of these articles
require some explanation.
Oh, now please, Mr. dodd. He
didn't know what he was doing.
Consider the incident closed.
Oh, no, wait, Mr. dodd.
Oh, no, please, now don't go.
No, please, please, for my sake.
- Don't go.
- Doddsy,
the party's in your honor!
Don't you think
I've been honored
sufficiently for one evening?
Good night.
Take the rhythm of the
salmon, the leap of the dance,
you take it, I can't!
Come here, baby. Give us
some music over there.
One, two, three, four.
And a one, and a two,
what big eyes you got,
miss cheri,
and a 3, and a 4...
Gd
Miss plum?
What's the matter, miss plum?
Miss plum,
open the door. Il insist.
Well? What do you want?
- I heard sounds of distress.
- Oh, your eye!
- What happened?
- 1, uh, I fell.
I know, after
somebody punched you.
Let's see it.
Oh...
You look like a
bad embalming job.
- Who hit you?
- Koslofski.
- Did you slug him back?
- No, I...
What are you, anyway,
a mouse or a man?
Miss plum, if a man
can't control himself,
how can he hope
to control others?
Besides, I, uh,
don't know much about
the art of self-defense.
Well, you could've done this...
Why, miss plum,
you're... you're wonderful.
I don't see anything
wonderful about it,
it's just plain jujitsu.
A trick of leverage.
Leverage?
A principle of Archimedes,
the Greek mathematician.
Well, I don't know anything
about that. All I know
is it comes in very handy
when some guy who's
driving you home tries to
shift gears with your knee.
Miss plum,
teach me how to do that?
I taught you how to do the
tango, and look what happened.
By the way, how'd you make out
with that female Casanova?
Miss plum, I must insist
that you Grant
miss cheri the respect...
The respect to which
she's entitled, is that it?
Protecting her against me, huh?
And now you want me to
teach you jujitsu.
- If you don't mind, miss plum.
- It'll be a pleasure!
- Oh, you're hurt.
- No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, you are hurt!
No, no, miss plum,
it's just my eyes.
Unfortunately, without glasses
I suffer from multiple vision.
Now, let me see.
Um, let me do it to you.
Now, let me see.
First of all, I, um...
I pull this down. Then I...
Then I do this?
- Then I hold you close.
- Closer.
- I beg your pardon?
- Closer.
Close as you can.
Oh, yes.
Now, what do I do?
Don't you know?
Of course! Now I
apply the leverage!
I mastered it!
Without striking a blow, I can
render a person helpless!
Miss plum.
Oh, my dear miss plum.
You're hurt.
Let me rub it for you.
Where are you hurt, miss plum?
Not where your rubbing will
do it any good, Sonny boy.
Oh, Mr. dodd,
Lester told us who you are.
About you being the head
of colossal, that is.
You know, silvernose's contract
with monarch
expires next week,
he's a buy at three-and-a-half!
Gd
(Gaspin oh! 9
Goodbye... little...
Jungle goddess...
Oh, sir Geoffrey.
My beloved.
I see... snow.
The edelweiss.
Oh...
Congo, he's dead!
But... but I shall
keep our tryst.
St. Moritz, in October.
Gd
Oh, miss plum.
Would you mind telling me
how the picture left you?
Numb. Just numb.
Oh, uh, if you want me,
I'll, uh,
"I'll be in St. Moritz,
in October.
Mr. dodd.
Please, last night I'm
filled from remorses.
Vodka does strange things.
That was social.
This is business.
I accept.
Miss cheri, are you satisfied
with the production?
Oh, well, Mr. dodd, an artist
is never satisfied.
There are always little things
that must be done over again.
Then you don't consider
the production finished?
Mr. dodd,
great pictures are not made.
They are remade.
That's the picture business,
Mr. dodd.
Mr. quintain,
what would you advise?
It's a Turkey. I'd advise you
not to spend another dime on it.
We better junk it and forget it.
I told these two from the
beginning it was a dud.
You drunken pig!
Mr. dodd, all through production
he was like this:
I was what?
Thelma, tell Mr. dodd
this is true what I'm saying.
Well, why don't you answer?
All right, I will.
It's true. I begged him
all through production
to stay sober and to help us.
We might have avoided
retakes, if...
Have you anything
to say, Mr. quintain?
You heard what the lady said.
Mr. quintain,
your intoxication at a time
when the success of colossal
depended on this picture
is unpardonable.
You place me in a most
unpleasant position.
Oh, but this is so unnecessary.
There's no alternative.
Mr. dodd, you just took
sole charge of a studio.
Oh, miss plum.
I recall your having
mentioned a procedure
by which we might Gauge
the merits of sex and Satan.
My first guess is that
you mean a preview.
An advanced showing,
at which cards are passed
among the spectators
upon which they note
their reactions.
Sure, try it on the dog.
If he doesn't
bite you, you're in.
Precisely.
You hate me, don't you?
Go on, say it. I deserve it.
I deserve every rotten thing
you can say to me.
But Doug, if you only knew what
staying on top means to me...
I do now.
Oh, I must have been crazy.
But, seeing everything
crack up...
Everything I'd hocked my soul
to get, Doug...
I was afraid.
You hocked your soul?
Look, I'm the guy that
dragged you out from behind
a cigarette tray and
put you up on a billboard.
The chump that shoved you down
an unsuspecting public's throat.
Made you the biggest
star in the business,
until they got wise
to the fact that your hips
were doing the acting
and not your face.
And then when you thought
you were slipping, you got
yourself engaged to
that termite koslofski,
because you figured he could
do more for you than I could.
Even that didn't cure me.
Koslofski was a bust, so you
came crawling back to me,
promising you'd air him
if I gave you another chance.
And I fell for it.
But the whole thing's so rotten,
it makes me wretch.
Oh, but it's
not your fault, girlie.
It's mine.
Yeah, mine for putting
a dumb little small-town dame
in a spot where a million fans
treated her like royalty.
I made you an applause addict.
I had no right to expect you
to kick over a habit like that.
Oh, Doug, please.
I can't stand this.
I know exactly
how you feel, babe.
For months I've been holding
still for every dirty rap
you wanted to hang on me,
conning myself what a guy I am,
ducking a real honest look
at my kisser until today
you made me look.
You know, they've got a name
for guys who peddle
shopworn merchandise
to the suckers.
Oh, Doug! How could you
say those things about yourself?
Everybody else is saying them,
why rule me out?
I ought to take poison, but
that would give you
too much publicity.
I've got a better way.
Oh, Doug, no, no.
I'm not worth it.
I've done enough to you already.
You'll never get another job
again if you start drinking!
You'll end up in a straitjacket!
Why not?
You'll forget better that way.
Oh, no, Doug. Doug!
- What about me?
- You?
Next time,
rattle before you strike.
"What actor or actress
do you like the most?
"The gorilla.
"Did you like the story?
What story?"
215 cards, and all of them
like the gorilla
better than your girlfriend.
Uh, miss plum, the lady to whom
you refer as "my girlfriend
is merely a business associate.
The way they hissed your
"business associate",
I thought the theater
was full of cobras.
Yes, it was
a horrible experience.
Well, don't take it too hard,
Sonny boy.
Miss plum.
I'm afraid this is
the end of colossal.
Do you mean you're gonna sell?
To Nassau?
I see no alternative.
Atterbury, do you know
what you're saying?
Why, miss plum.
Your sympathetic attitude
proves to me that you are
not only a loyal employee,
you are also,
if you will permit the Liberty,
a close, personal friend.
The prospect of humbling
myself before the pettypackers...
Why, you egotistical
adding machine.
What do I care
how you humble yourself?
I'm thinking of the people
who'll go out on their ear
if you close this studio.
Pop Jones at the commissary,
miss cooley up in the wardrobe.
Carpenters, prop men,
electricians.
Three thousand people
that you call units.
Units who happen to have
homes and families
and kids and rent to pay
and doctor bills...
- Miss plum, please!
- Go ahead and sell the studio!
But remember this when
you're sitting at your
highly polished desk
in New York emptying ashtrays,
that those thousands of people
you threw out of work will be
walking the streets,
humbling themselves
to the grocer and butcher,
hungry because of you!
Miss plum, you're hysterical.
Sure I am, because
I'm one of those units!
You're not a unit! Y...
You're... y... you're different,
miss plum.
No, I'm not different.
And from now on, I'm not even
a loyal employee
nor a close, personal friend.
Miss plum.
Under the circumstances,
what else can I do?
Nothing. You fired quintain,
the one man who might have
been able to do something.
Hello? Get me
Mr. quintain's residence.
Hello, I want to
speak with Mr. quintain.
Oh. Where can I locate him?
Well, hasn't he some...
Favorite haunt?
Oh. Mr. quintain, him
haunting trocadero
for two days.
Thank you.
Gd
Oh, no you don't.
You ain't getting in here again.
Aside, my friend.
I stand on my
constitutional rights.
Go away, or you'll be
sitting on them!
You know, you are the most
consistently irritating...
Okay, sugar, it's a deadlock.
Mr. quintain.
- Ah, Mr. dodd.
- I've got to speak to you.
I claim the privilege of
buying you a little drink.
Oh, no, no. No, really,
I've got to speak to you.
Over a little drink, my friend.
Then I shall be forced
to render you helpless.
Drive on.
Mr. quintain, doesn't the fate
of 3,000 people
mean anything to you?
Only the fate of one people
means anything to me.
And she's a little skunk.
- Now, look here...
- Aw, leave me alone.
- But, Mr. quintain, you...
- Sic 'em, baby, sic 'em.
Ah, now that's the first
reasonable argument
you've presented.
Feeling better?
Yeah, lots better.
Ah, but what's the use
of talking?
Even if I could fix the picture,
cherl'd have to
okay the cutting.
Then I shall deprive her
of that power.
Throw away your dream book.
Mr. quintain, there is a clause
in every star player's contract.
Quote: "If the artist commits
any act which will prejudice
the public against the
motion picture industry
"by doing anything which may
bring her into public hatred,
"contempt, scorn or ridicule,
"the contract is then breached.
unquote.
So what?
So I shall
involve her in a scandal.
Say, that's not so funny
at that. She'll let 'ya.
I'm sure she will.
I've always had the impression
that miss cheri
is inclined to make advances.
Hey, dodd, you hit something.
Watching cheri out of the
picture business
is the answer for both of us.
Well, wish me luck.
Dodd, I've got an angle
from these preview cards.
I got a hunch.
I... 1 hope my endeavors
won't be wasted.
You realize that this makes you
a libertine and
a charlatan, don't you?
Yes, I'm fully aware of that.
And I'm quite willing
to make the sacrifice.
Wait a minute. You're not
the only one
that's making the sacrifice.
I still love that dame.
I wish I knew why.
Well.
Gd
Gd
Gd
Gd
Gd
Gd
But, Mr. Nassau.
This is a
question of good faith.
Here I've called this
special meeting of my board.
I've fought with them.
I've persuaded them to accept
your offer for colossal.
And now...
I... 1 don't know how
I'm going to explain
your change in attitude to them.
That's regrettable,
Mr. pettypacker,
but I'm in a meeting right now
with my own board.
Your Mr. dodd has destroyed
colossal's greatest asset,
miss cheri.
Oh, further negotiations
are impossible.
I'm sorry, Mr. pettypacker.
Uh, wait, Mr. Nassau.
Now, suppose I told you that
my board has authorized me
to fire dodd, close the payroll,
and turn the plant over to you?
Colossal is still a
fine property, Mr. Nassau.
And I am talking
immediate delivery.
Frankly, Mr. pettypacker,
we've made up our minds, but...
Uh, hang on, I'll make
one last effort.
The first race!
Down the stretch,
me oh my and capstan
neck and neck, mammy third
and high life closing up fast.
They're in, and it's a
photographic finish.
What a race...
You win, Mr. pettypacker.
All right. Our attorneys in
New York can handle that.
Oh, you're a lucky man.
So long.
Signed, sealed and delivered.
Oh, I'd love to see
atterbury dodd's face
long about now.
Me too.
Wait a minute, will you?
Hello? Hello,
send me a page boy, please.
Oh...
Hello? Dodd speaking.
I know it's dodd speaking.
We've sold out to Nassau.
You're fired!
Come in.
- You sent for me, sir?
- Yes.
Please deliver this note to
miss cheri's dressing room.
Yes, sir.
So you didn't have time to
say it all to her last night?
And it won't keep 'til tonight,
is that it?
Miss plum,
I have been dismissed.
Oh, you're breaking my heart.
After four years with
pettypacker and sons.
Look, this is a closing check.
I've been dismissed too, along
with 3,000 others,
in case you're interested.
And I should break out in a
hot sweat because
you lost your job.
You sold out your stockholders
and you crossed up
your employees.
What I did was for
the good of my company.
What you did was
shoot the works!
And for what?
Hi, dodd. You put up
a great battle.
You mind if I get the results?
The office is yours now,
Mr. Nassau.
I admire your attitude.
No hard feelings. You have
a lot of virtues I admire.
Gd
Have I, Mr. Nassau?
Atterbury,
you're a brilliant man.
What difference does it make
which side you're on
as long as you win?
I'll give you a job right now
at $75,000 a year,
- and a handshake.
- News flash.
The sit-downers in the
prism steel strike have defied
all attempts to oust them
for 48 hours.
Stay tuned to this station
for further details.
- We now return you...
- Well, that's more
than the pettypackers
ever paid you.
Gd
Much more, Mr. Nassau.
- An even dozen, I think.
- Huh?
Oh, oh yes. Well, think it over.
Thanks, I will.
Excuse me, Mr. Nassau.
Take as
much time as you want to.
I have nothing to do but wait
for the eighth race at hialeah.
And here we are now at hialeah,
and its typical Florida weather.
Great weather for a great race,
and that's just what it
promises to be here.
An 18 karat, full-jeweled heel.
How you doin', rattlebury?
Hello.
A nice day.
You say it's a nice day,
well, I say it ain't.
It's a rotten day for all of us.
I'm sorry. Dreadfully sorry
about your jobs.
Alright, alright,
beat it, stuffed shirt.
You're rattlehole, rattlebury.
That's the dirtiest double-cross
ever pulled on a woman!
If you think that's
a double-cross,
here, get a load of
a triple-cross!
So what?
You know where that luscious
close-up is going?
Right in the can.
And here's what takes its place.
You're cutting me
out of the picture!
Not out, baby, just
down to a whisper.
Instead of you
chasing sir Geoffrey,
the gorilla's gonna chase you.
And you'd be surprised how much
sense that makes!
Oh, Doug, no matter
what I've done to you...
Baby, it'll make a picture
out of this celluloid garbage.
And it's the only way
to make a good woman out of
a very bad actress.
You've ruined my career!
All right, I've got
another career for you
when you come out of that fog.
Here, that'll give you
a rough idea.
That one's on me.
Sweetheart, I pulled
a rabbit out of a hat.
All we need now to make it
a real smasheroo are
a few added shots
of the gorilla.
Here, I've made a
list of the sets.
You better okay them so the art
department can start building.
Mr. quintain,
I have just been dismissed.
- You? Fired?
- Everyone.
The studio's been sold
to Nassau.
Well, how do you like that?
All this work for...
When we were that close.
A couple of more days and we
would've been in the bag.
Mr. quintain,
assuming you had those 48 hours,
what else would you need?
Nothing except those
guys out there,
and we got the
gorilla on the lot.
No, but...
What difference does it make?
The difference in the lives
of those people.
Mr. quintain, you can have
those 48 hours.
And that manpower.
Just like that?
Just like that.
If those gates are locked,
then Nassau is prevented
from taking over the studio.
Yeah, but you can't do that
if he's on the lot.
There are 3,000 other people
on this lot who might
resent his presence here.
You're talking about
20 years in the can.
That's unlawful possession.
But colossal must be saved
for those people.
Hey!
Whatever became of that
atterbury dodd that used
to call those guys units
and cogs in the machine?
Well, I must admit to a certain
modification of viewpoint.
And that 20-year rap
doesn't matter?
It seems to me that the
only thing that really matters
is that a man be
true to himself.
I mean, for instance, if it's
an essential part of his
nature to be clean,
then he should bathe.
If he dislikes chicanery,
he must be straightforward.
Not for hope of reward
or fear of punishment,
but because that's the kind
of a man that he is.
It's not a question of
who's right or who's wrong,
it's simply a question
of what's inside a person.
Does that make any sense to you?
How much did he offer you?
Seventy-five th...
How did you guess?
Sweetheart, I'll split that
20 years with you. Move over.
But don't forget that in
Hollywood when you
turn the other cheek,
they kick it.
Mr. quintain,
would you mind very much if I
called you by your first name?
I'd like nothing better.
Thank you, Douglas.
Carry on, Joan of arc.
Gd
Miss plum,
we've gotta stop them.
Gentlemen!
Fellow workers.
Fellow workers,
I must talk to you.
You've got to listen to me.
I must talk to you!
Stop!
Out of the way, white collar.
I command you, stop!
Gd
Gd
Give me the key.
Now, you've got to listen to me.
I don't mind being a target
if you'll just listen to me.
Hey, you look like a
Spanish omelette!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Let him talk.
Make it fast, and make it good.
Hey, slip 'em the nifty
about the rhythm of the salmon
and the leap of the dance!
Listen, I was
discharged this morning, too.
Quiet, pipe down! Give him
a chance to talk!
Hey, tell 'em the one about
mathematics is more important
to life than meat and drink!
Anybody else who wanna listen?
All right, guy.
You regard me as
your enemy, don't you?
I'm capital and you're labor,
that's the way
you see it, isn't it?
Well, it isn't as simple
as all that.
Let me tell you who
our stockholders are.
Ah, don't fall for it, suckers.
It's bank night!
Is there anyone here who
owns any colossal stock?
- I have a few shares.
- Come here.
Here you are, men.
There's your capitalist.
And there's a streetcar
conductor in Denver,
a bricklayer in Chicago,
a soldier's widow in Memphis,
30,000 of them.
Their savings built this plant.
And what's happening now?
A small group
of financial tricksters,
headed by ivor Nassau, is
trying to close it.
Well, the stockholders can't
afford to see it closed,
any more than we can.
There's no trouble here that
a good picture won't cure.
Mr. quintain tells me that we
can have
a smasheroo in sex and Satan
if we can only finish it.
We can expose Nassau, we can
save the studio and our jobs.
So I'm asking you
for 48 hours' work.
I have no money to pay for
those 48 hours,
but I pledge you my word...
Quiet! Quiet
I know I'm doing this
very badly, but...
Won't you please
try and understand?
Because it's vitally
important to us all.
Do as I ask, and I
pledge you my word
that I will convince the
stockholders that we are
entitled to an interest in this
business that we have saved.
Let's not sit down,
let's stand up and fight!
Yeah, but can we hold on?
Nassau'll have the law on us!
Of course he will.
But there's 3,000 of us,
we won't let the law in!
Ah, skip the speeches
and let's go home!
Now, Mr. quintain needs
carpenters, electricians.
What do you say, gentlemen?
What do you say, juicers?
How 'bout it, grips?
- We're with you.
- I own the gorilla.
The gorilla says yes!
We'll show them a real fight!
Mr. potts, in my youth
I learned an axiom,
that a straight line
is the shortest distance
between two points.
Come on, come on!
I must have slipped!
Thank you. Thank you.
Excuse me just one moment.
At the half, cream puff
they're coming down the stretch
now, cream puff is in the lead,
look at that cream puff, and
it's cream puff by two lengths,
hula girl second,
and spyglass third.
Stand by, I'll have
the prices for you in a moment.
- And what a race...
- Mr. Nassau,
you should have been here.
You offered me a position.
Sure, dodd.
I think you're intelligent.
And I need intelligent
men in my organization.
That's a deliberate
falsehood, Mr. Nassau,
you think I'm stupid.
Too stupid to know
this is a bribe.
A bribe? For what?
To prevent my dissolving
this sale, Mr. Nassau,
and to avoid an
investigation at which
I intend to charge
you with conspiracy.
- Why, you...
- If you please, sir.
What is this, dodd?
Archimedes' law of leverage,
Mr. Nassau,
or, colloquially known as
"jujitsu.
Gentlemen?
I give you ivor Nassau.
No, no, no, no. No, no!
Heave!
It was me that threw
that tomato at you.
I'm awfully sorry.
Oh, don't mention it.
Dodds! My friend!
Congratulations!
Have you another tomato?
Oh, sure.
Thanks.
A bullseye.
Yes, indeed.
Thank you, miss plum.
Miss plum, take a telegram.
"Messrs. Pettypacker and sons,
"wall street, New York City.
"This will advise you, that
for failure to deliver to buyer,
"you still own this business.
"Have checked
all items carefully..."
Miss plum, uh, if you please.
M... miss plum,
w... will you marry me?
What, no buildup?
That's the picture business.
Um...
Where were we, miss plum?
"Have checked all items,
carefully.
Yes, uh, carefully.
"Stop."
"Enormous profits are..."
"In the bag..."
"For colossal this year."
Hello?
Uh, send a truck to
Mr. koslofski's residence
to pick up various furnishings
belonging to the
property department.
Mr. quintain, please.
Douglas? We are now in business.
Say, honey, if you
could cook, I'd marry you.
Precisely.
"We'll outline plans
for future operations
"when we meet at the, uh,
"investigation which I
propose to demand
"on behalf of the stockholders.
Gd
Why, miss plum.
You...
I'm sure we're
going to be very happy,
miss plum.
Gd
Well?
Hasn't anybody got
anything to say?
We were waiting to hear
what you had to say, father.
Stop mumbling.
I said...
What do you think of
atterbury's survey?
Said nothing of the sort.
But if you want my opinion,
I think it's fiddle-faddle.
What do you think, junior?
I concur with you, grandfather.
You are always right.
No one is always right.
Will that boy ever grow up?
Wire ivor Nassau
in Hollywood immediately
that the house of pettypacker
will accept his offer
of five million dollars
for the colossal film company.
Before he recovers
consciousness.
And thank atterbury
for his survey,
and tell him of our decision.
I'm honored by your invitation
to address my Alma mater.
In the past, however, I've
encountered difficulty
in persuading my hearers that
the science of mathematics
is not one of mere figures
in geometrical design.
Three o'clock, Mr. dodd.
One minute past, you're late.
But a science more important
to life than food and drink?
A science... that account
should have been out last night.
Without which,
there could be no music.
No poetry. No art.
Does this balance, Mr. dodd?
There's
an error in the addition.
The total should be 1,296,321.
- The flight of the birds...
- Adding machine...
Have the adding machine fixed.
The leap of a salmon,
the rhythm of the dance,
all are mathematical.
- Ah, atterbury.
- Good afternoon, junior.
Grandpa, er, all of us wish
to thank you for your survey.
Proves my point. It'd be
ridiculous to sell colossal.
But...
- But what?
- We, uh...
We have decided to take
Mr. Nassau's offer.
Is your grandfather
still in the boardroom?
Uh, yes.
But atterbury, don't you see...
I see a stubborn disregard for
my conclusions, Mr. pettypacker.
But I see more than that.
I see 30,202 stockholders
who are not getting
the protection to which
they are entitled.
And just how will you go about
helping them?
I'd go to Hollywood.
I'd examine the company's
records, discover the error,
and correct it.
Sounds simple, atterbury.
But here, we're dealing
with human factors.
In matters of business, one is
forced to ignore human factors.
You're smart, but you're young.
I'm old, but
I'm still pretty smart.
Atterbury,
do you realize those
are real folks you see
acting those things out
on the screen? Yeah.
It's like this:
One fellow writes a story,
and another fella directs it.
Or a lot of different
temperaments.
That's the way motion pictures
are made, atterbury.
I know, I've looked into it.
Two and two make four,
Mr. pettypacker,
whether they be fish, apples,
or human beings.
You're a pig-headed young man,
atterbury!
You mistake confidence
for stubbornness,
Mr. pettypacker.
Confidence based on mathematics.
A science which has
never failed.
It never will fail.
I'll stake my future on it.
- Good day, sir.
- Wait!
You'll stake your future, we're
staking five million dollars!
I beg your pardon
Mr. pettypacker,
you're staking
nothing of the sort.
You're selling a ten million
dollar property for five million
because it offers problems.
You're deliberately giving away
five million of your
stockholders' money.
- Atterbury, how dare you...
- Shut up!
Shut up!
In 72 years of
banking, atterbury,
no one has ever said
a thing like that to me before.
It's your judgment
against mine now,
so you go to Hollywood.
You'll be in full charge,
with unlimited authority.
But if you fail,
don't come back.
I'll go to Hollywood.
Have that vulcanized, junior.
Yes, grandfather.
Hello spectators,
this is rush Hughes,
your Hollywood photographer,
hello, hello, and hello.
Atterbury dodd, New York
financial wizard is due in today
to doctor the ailing
colossal studio but,
and this is the lowdown,
colossal is not sick,
it's dying from slow poison.
My guess is it's an inside job
engineered by
an outside chiseler
with the aid of which fading
feminine supersex star
and what cheese director with
a phony foreign accent?
- Don't ask.
- Phooey.
Picture a strange Hollywood...
I don't like it.
It's too much talk.
Don't give it
a thought, Mr. Nassau.
I'll take care of
Mr. atterbury dodd.
And what's the first thing I do?
I break his glasses
so he can't read the books!
Then during the days, I'll
put him on the merry-go-round.
And of an evening, cheri here
can give him the neon treatment.
That is, unless the
old gray mare
ain't what she used to be!
Potts!
You should play
gone with the wind.
But for good you should be gone!
Ah, save them cracks
for your pictures.
So you see, Mr. Nassau,
by the time I pour him
back in the grate, he's so...
Just a minute, potts.
Do you know who
you're dealing with?
Dodd is the most
brilliant financial brain
that has been
developed in wall street
for the past ten years.
Why, he's...
Hey, the third race is on!
And here
they come down the stretch.
Boy, what a race. Pom-pom's cut
the lead down to half a length
and, there it is folks,
almost a photographic finish.
Lady Ethel the winner, pom-pom
second, and witchcraft third.
Now, in just a moment...
And this is the point, potts.
And you two might listen.
I'll tell it as simply as I can.
Who knows, you might get it.
We're trying to put over
a pretty fast deal.
It's conceivable that the
sheer novelty of your drivel
may daze him, for a short time.
He might bore him to death.
Yeah, but your job is tougher.
Dodd doesn't drink,
doesn't smoke,
doesn't go out with girls.
Ah, they don't have to worry
Thelma none.
Even without his specs,
dodd can figure
she ain't no ingenue.
Oh, the whole setup
makes me sick.
You're as bad an actress
off as you're on.
You know this deal means
a great deal to both of us.
Now I get mine the day colossal
closes, and you get yours.
A five-year contract with the
studio that absorbs colossal.
That isn't bad for a star
that's been on a
downgrade for two years.
She will do as I should say so.
Oh, the masterful type, huh?
Mr. quintain is outside,
Mr. Nassau.
I'm not in.
He knows that miss cheri
and Mr. koslofski are here.
Well, well, I ain't here.
Now listen, both of you,
and concentrate hard.
Quintain knows more about the
picture business than any of us.
We've fooled him so far because
this is not picture business.
It's hijacking.
Ah, the genius of colossal.
- Quintain, glad to see 'ya.
- You're a liar.
- Nice going, girly.
- Why, Doug...
Listen, you've got
a picture to finish,
or maybe it slipped your mind.
I cannot shoot
without an ending.
Oh, don't give me that.
From the start, this picture
smelled from herring.
First it was writers,
dozens of 'em.
Then your cameraman.
You shoot five weeks
with a guy that's been
photographing you since 1898.
And just because he can't squirt
elixir of youth out of his lens,
you start from scratch
with a new boy.
- Oh, Doug, you know...
- I know you've stole
a million bucks
extra load on the picture.
Naturally, New York's got a
yearn to know what's the matter.
Well, get this: I'm not
taking the slap for it.
You're the producer, aren't you?
He's just your director.
She's your star.
And what do you got
to do with this?
Or have you?
Say, listen chiseler, if I
thought you had your slimy...
Oh, cool off.
Pour yourself a drink.
Doug, you don't expect me to
play a love scene I don't feel.
Love scenes the way
you feel them?
Look, Camille,
they've got censors,
or maybe you haven't heard?
Oh, listen, baby.
Why don't you quit this racket?
You're poison at the box office.
Finish the picture
and give up gracefully.
Koslofski, you directed
a good picture once.
Why don't you prove
it was no accident?
I do not argue with peasants.
Oh, so it's like that, eh? Okay.
Well, get it up off there
and shoot your love scene.
Smell up the joint good,
but close the picture.
That's "or else".
You forget that my contract
gives me approval
of cast, direction, cutting...
You're telling me
about your contract?
I'm the cluck
that gave it to you.
Sure, everybody
in Hollywood knows it.
To a dame I was in love with.
So help me, I'm still in love.
Doug, please.
Oh, Doug, now you're not
gonna start that again.
- One drink and you're a bang.
- So what?
So you're washed up, just
another guy that jumped in
a gin bottle and pulled
the cork in after him.
- Ha!
- All right, go ahead.
Ruin your life, my life.
But this time you'll
bail yourself out.
A charming domestic scene.
Mr. quintain.
You will please to me
the courtesy
to not making love
to my fiance.
In my presence.
Listen, slug. I was
making love to your fiance
long before they turned over
that wet stone
and you crawled out.
Come on, Mac.
Gd
May I have your
autograph, please?
Yes, my chickadee.
Mickey! Hey Mickey!
Oh, you're a lifesaver.
Take the body home before
it collapses, will 'ya?
Oh...
Oh, my feet are killing me!
You don't mind, do 'ya?
You're goin' my way.
You don't have to
stand this, mister.
Oh, Mickey.
Drive on, please.
Oh, you don't know
how grateful I am.
You comin' or goin'?
Uh, arriving.
Are you an actress?
Uh-uh. I'm a stand-in
for Thelma cheri.
Pardon my inquiring, but
would you mind telling me
who is Thelma cheri,
and what is a stand-in?
I'd go without pie for a week
if Thelma could
hear you say that.
But you do know
what a star is, don't you?
Well, um, vaguely, yes.
How you must get around.
Well, Thelma cheri's a star,
and, like most stars,
she's a pretty
fragile cut of steak.
She mustn't be
fatigued or mussed.
And, above all, she must never
be so vulgar as to perspire.
Hence, the stand-in
does her sweating for her.
I see.
Uh, I'm sorry but
I haven't the faintest idea
what you're talking about.
Now, look. You wouldn't expect
a star to endure the heat
of the lights while
they're setting up
the cameras and
microphones, would you?
No, I suppose not.
No. So they dig up a gal,
that's me, to stand in for her
while all this torture goes on.
Oh, yeah?
Then, when everything's set,
the star, cool and immaculate,
puts her dainty little feet
in the chalk marks.
And the stand-in,
worn and wilted,
fades out of the picture and
business goes on as usual.
I see.
Yes.
Say, Sonny boy, who are you,
anyway, to rate this car?
Oh, my name is dodd.
Atterbury dodd.
Oh, I'm Lester plum.
How do you do?
How do you do?
You in the picture business?
As a matter of fact, I'm a kind
of stand-in, too. For my bank.
You see, I'm out here
to take temporary charge
of colossal studios.
Mister, with your practically
encyclopedic knowledge
of the picture business,
you ought to be terrific.
Boy, that certainly
rounds out my existence.
Life can hold
but one more moment for me.
- Indeed?
- Yeah.
When they make Shirley temple
president of a bank.
Oh.
Yes.
So, you're the new boss
at colossal, huh?
Tell me, are you a
doer or a don't-er?
I beg your pardon?
Well, the don't-ers are
the guys that go Hollywood.
They have beaucoup fun,
but they don't do anything.
It's the doers
that wreck the works.
They barge in and
fire everybody.
My dear young woman,
I am a businessman.
Naturally, there are
some aspects
peculiar to this business,
and it's my plan
to find out about them.
Ah! A finder-outer.
Now we're getting someplace.
An orderly mind, miss plum, does
not attempt to arrive at a total
until it has assimilated
a complete list
of the items involved.
Yeah, but most
of the finder-outers
get their list of items
from the screwer-uppers.
The, uh, screwer-uppers?
Hey, Mickey,
here's the homestead.
Okay.
You're a lamb, Sonny boy.
But, uh, don't let 'em lead you
to the slaughterhouse.
So long.
Hey, Sonny boy!
Wait a minute! Hey!
We're very
proud of this suite, Mr. dodd.
Two bedrooms, one in orchid,
and the other in pale fudge.
And the bath in
dramatic jungle red.
Tell me, how much
does all this bad taste cost?
Oh, a hundred dollars a day.
But I shouldn't worry.
It's charged to colossal.
Well, doddsy, old sock,
sorry I lost you at the station.
Get a load of that space.
Boy, you couldn't
have grabbed more
if you was a
trunk murder victim.
Hey, some hideaway
you got here, you dog.
Make it snappy,
my tongue's hanging out.
Here you are,
charge it to colossal.
That's the picture business
for you, doddsy.
Look, doddsy, the girls here
broke plenty of dates
for us tonight.
Girls, meet Mr. dodd.
- How do you do?
- Hi.
Doddsy here is the
first guy I ever met
that ever made a crack
about my name.
What is your name?
Potts, and I got a window!
Oh, now look, doddsy,
here's the menu for tonight.
First, we attack the trocadero.
Get your autograph book filled
just like that.
Mr. potts,
I appreciate your... friends
breaking numerous
engagements for me, but
I'm here on business.
Mr. dodd?
- You are Mr. dodd, ain'tcha?
- Yes.
I read you were comin' here
to run colossal,
and I made up my mind
I was gonna see you.
I've been here six months!
And I haven't been able to
get into a studio.
Elvira, this is Mr. dodd,
who can give you a contract.
There's not a child in Hollywood
who can do the things
that my elvira can do.
Now, swing it, child.
Gd
Elvira sure can
go to town, can't she?
Elvira, do that Mae west number.
Don't you think
elvira's done enough?
That's up to you, Mr. dodd.
Now, tell me honestly.
What do you think?
I'll tell you
quite honestly, madam.
I think this little girl should
be out in the sunshine,
playing with her dolls,
instead of being forced
to give a revolting
exhibition like this.
No wonder you couldn't get
into any of the studios.
Do you know what you are doing?
You're robbing your daughter
of her childhood.
- So will you please leave?
- But...
Or shall I be forced to send
for the juvenile authorities?
Attaboy, atterbury!
Get it? Attaboy, atterbury?
Will you excuse me?
I... I'm not feeling very well.
A shot of bicarb'll fix that.
How do you do?
How do you do, sir?
Could I speak to
miss Lester plum, please?
Step right in, my son,
and I'll tell her.
Thank you, sir.
Uh, won't you be seated?
Oh, they've decided
on somebody else?
Extra work?
But I starred in that picture
in the silent days.
There must be some little part.
Lester is making herself decent.
I see.
Well, thanks anyway.
What news from
the battlefront, Naomi?
- They offered me extra work.
- Don't take it, Naomi.
Fight it out on this land
if it takes all summer.
That's what I'm doing.
And with
the battle of gettysburg
scheduled for a remake,
they'll have to come to me,
and I'm ready for them.
Four score and seven years ago
our fathers brought forth
upon this continent,
a new nation,
conceived in Liberty,
and dedicated to the, uh...
Uh, to the, to the...
Uh, proposition that
all men are created equal.
And now we're engaged
in a great war.
A great civil war.
For seven years
I have waited for this part,
and I would've sworn
that I was ready.
But now, I...
Four score and seven years ago
our fathers brought forth upon
this continent, a new nation...
Sonny boy!
Miss plum.
- You forgot this.
- Oh, thank you.
I could have stopped by
the hotel for it.
You would not have
found me there.
Oh. Uh, come on over
and sit down, huh?
Thank you.
Miss plum, tell me.
There must be some place
where a man can live
without being
tricked and tormented
by people who want to do
his thinking for him?
Not when you're a big shot.
That's the picture business.
Tommy!
- Hello.
- How'd it go, kid?
- Oh, I didn't do it.
- Aw.
Well, gee, Lester,
it was a tough stunt.
You see, Blake and me are
supposed to be fencing
at the top of the palace steps.
And he gives it to me.
And they wanted me to do that
for seven and a half bucks.
Can you imagine that?
Oh, I don't blame you, Tommy.
It's worth fifteen bucks
if it's worth a cent.
But he just did it for nothing!
Well, I got my pride, haven't I?
Besides, that's the
picture business.
That I feel like kind of a heel
owing the old lady
so much back rent.
Gosh, if I was sure I'd crack
a couple of ribs or something,
I'd have done it.
Eighteen bucks a week and
hospital expenses isn't so bad.
Would've been just my luck
not even to get hurt.
Miss plum,
goodbye.
I'm sorry to have burdened you.
Wait.
Uh, if you don't mind
sharing the bathtub
with a trained seal,
we have a vacancy here.
- Here?
- Sure.
It's the last place in the world
they'd ever expect to find you.
And if you're on the level about
that finder-outer business,
these folks here
know all the answers.
They're down and out, but
the only difference between them
and the people on top is
the others have jobs now.
Miss plum,
I'll send for my things.
And as for that, uh,
trained seal,
I'm sure he can't be
half as obnoxious
as a certain Mr. potts.
Precisely what I wanted.
Are you sure the hams
won't get you down?
Hams, failures, and has-beens?
They don't seem to have
got you down, miss plum.
Me? I heard the list of
"who's through in Hollywood."
Come here and I'll show you.
Oh, uh, I forgot to tell you
we're neighbors. Any objections?
I see no reason why that
should affect the situation.
No, you're right. It wouldn't.
Oh, here it is.
Let's sit down over here.
Would you think that's me?
- No.
- Oh, such is fame.
When that picture was taken,
I was getting $4,000 a week.
- Four thousand a week?
- Mm-hmm.
I was the Shirley temple
of my day.
I've heard that name
several times today, miss plum.
Who is miss temple?
Skip it.
Well, it's not important.
Tell me, miss plum,
what is your present
remuneration?
Well, if you mean wages, I make
$40 a week, when working.
It's entirely wrong, miss plum.
Mm, you're telling me.
I mean, the ratio
of $4,000 to $40.
An inventory
taken today would show
that you have the same assets
that you had as a child.
Your mind is mature,
above average,
- if I may say so.
- You may.
Please don't interrupt,
miss plum.
- Okay, teach.
- Yes.
Physically, you are stronger.
Potentially, if you were
worth $4,000 a week then,
you should be worth
$8,000 a week now.
It's simple mathematics.
- There must be some element...
- I'll say there's an element.
Hey. Do you like chocolate?
Chocolate, miss plum? Yes.
Okay, then maybe John public
likes vanilla.
Vanilla?
Look.
Gd
You like it?
- It's horrible, miss plum.
- Sure.
But when I was so gross,
it was awful cute.
- But, miss plum...
- The point is,
Sonny boy, that I'm now dishing
raspberry and John public
- still likes vanilla.
- I see.
Oh, I'm not squawking
'cause old age got me.
I've still got my
social security number.
Hey.
You'll be needing a secretary,
and I've got the answer.
Come here. Look.
My night school diploma.
Read it and gasp.
Maxima cum laude. That's Greek
for "with highest honors."
I'm afraid
that's Latin, miss plum.
And, as a matter of fact, I've
usually had a male secretary.
Oh, well, I'll try to keep my
voice and my emotions
in a low register.
Lester?
You know the rules of the house.
Oh, Mrs. mack,
I was about to call you.
I was showing Mr...
Mr. atterbury the next room.
The rent's $12 a week.
I don't allow
cooking in the rooms,
drinking on the premises,
and I expect my guests
to be ladies and
gentlemen all the time.
Oh, one more thing.
No pets of any kind.
I'd, I'd...
Uh, silvernose
belongs to my husband.
He's the only
trained seal in pictures.
Gets more fan mail
than Clark gable.
- Who, uh...
- Uh, skip it.
You know, for the moment,
miss plum, I,
I thought I was...
That's the admiral.
I told Mr. atterbury
about silvernose.
Yes, I'm, I'm sure we won't get
in each other's way, Mrs., um...
Yes.
Excuse me, could you direct me
to Mr. quintain's office?
- Got a pass?
- Why, no, I'm...
I don't care if
you're the tax collector,
nobody gets through
this gate without a pass.
I see. Is that
the usual procedure?
No, this is the usual procedure.
It... it's a pleasure to see
such a competent man
in a position of trust.
Who shall I tell him's calling?
Uh, Mr. dodd.
- Mr. atterbury dodd?
- Yes.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I should've known.
Why? You've never
seen me before.
Uh, sit down, Mr. dodd.
Mr. quintain,
before we discuss business,
let me say that I will
consider it an impertinence
if you ask me to carouse,
drink, or go to parties.
Well, may I ask
what prompts this?
Well, your Mr. potts seems to
be under the impression
that I'm given to
riotous living.
I don't want you
to make the same mistake.
I'm neither a libertine
nor a charlatan.
I'm here for one purpose only:
To ascertain why it is
that colossal is losing money
instead of making it.
Oh, you may count on my
complete cooperation, Mr. dodd.
Yes, I expect that, sir.
I suppose you'd like to take
a look at the books immediately.
Well, it seems to me that if
I were to inspect the factory,
equip myself with
the complete knowledge
of the intricacies
of picture-making,
I could approach the books
more intelligently tomorrow.
Uh, Mr. dodd, I've been in the
business of making pictures
for 20 years, and there's
still several intricacies
that I haven't
figured out myself yet.
Look.
I'll give you a rough idea.
See, here's the
administration building.
Fire and police departments.
Sound stages.
Commissary. Recording room.
Most interesting, Mr. quintain.
But in these walls,
three thousand units,
just to manuafacture
motion pictures.
Units?
Carpenters, electricians,
artisans of all sorts,
cogs in the machine.
They're not cogs and
they're not units, Mr. dodd.
They're people. Human beings.
For the purposes of bookkeeping,
Mr. quintain,
I prefer to
regard them as units.
Now, you peddle this joint
to Nassau and your units
will be on the dole.
Your logic escapes me, sir.
Well, every time an independent
studio becomes important,
Nassau is the heel who
puts them out of business.
He's a stock juggler.
Makes his money out of closing
studios, not operating them.
That's a very startling piece
of information, Mr. quintain.
He'd buy this joint just like
he did excelsior and national.
In fifteen minutes,
it'll be a ghost town.
This way, Mr. dodd.
All right, we can go in now.
Now, hit her on the back
of the head with that spot.
Hey, make it snappy,
will 'ya, kiddies? I'm roasting.
Kill that there,
put a jelly on the 18.
Good.
Now, move that broad in
closer to flood.
First position.
Bring up that baby
and break its neck.
Kill the junior.
Second position.
Heads up.
Doddsy, old socks,
I'm glad to see you!
Come here, come here.
I wanna get a picture of you.
For publicity, understand?
All right, here you are now.
Just point to the dames.
Understand? Get it. Okay.
Why should I point to these...
- Hold it, still!
- Great, great!
Because they're banker finds
snow on a snhowbank!
Get it? Banker? Snowbank?
Come on kids, let's go.
Now let's see the blizzard.
Kill it.
- You've seen enough?
- Quite.
Now, come along, I'll have you
meet miss cheri.
Thelma?
Yeah?
Oh, Thelma, this is
Mr. atterbury dodd.
Miss cheri.
Oh, how do you do, Mr. dodd?
And Mr. koslofski, Mr. dodd.
It's a pleasure. Quite.
Mr. dodd, won't you sit down?
Thank you.
All lined up, chief.
Excuse me.
I'll catch you outside.
I've arranged a little
surprise party in your honor.
I just know you'll love it.
Miss cheri, I shan't.
I don't like parties.
I don't know what to say
to people, I just sit in corners
and wish I might go home.
That's exactly how I feel.
But, of course,
you're in a position
to do as you please, while I...
I'm a slave, really.
To the millions of people
who depend on me
to bring cheer into
their drab lives.
Well, excuse me.
Oh, forgive me.
You shouldn't be an executive.
Oh, no indeed.
Look in that mirror.
You have such,
such fine, chiseled features.
All set, miss cheri.
Better hurry, or your
stand-in will fry.
Well, let her fry.
I think I shall insist upon you
for my leading man.
Miss cheri, I sometimes
find it difficult to
differentiate between
facetiousness and sincerity.
- Mm-hmm.
- But if you're not joking,
my duties here would prevent
any such project.
Even if I could permit myself
to be exhibited in the films.
Oh, but stranger
things than that
have happened in Hollywood.
Why, even I was a cigarette girl
in a nightclub in Dallas once.
Would you believe that?
Oh, yes. Excuse me.
Has he lost something?
No. He's looking
for camera angles.
What is this?
- Flay the lights.
- It's edelweiss, chief.
It's what the script calls for.
Mr. dodd,
you see with your own eyes
what is up against the creator.
Is this edelweiss?
Well, I'm not a botanist, but
it looks like edelweiss.
Ah, it looks like edelweiss
but it is not edelweiss.
It is paper.
- Get real edelweiss.
- But, chief.
We'd have to
send to Switzerland.
I'll wait.
What shall I do, Mr. quintain?
Well, I think this is something
for the head of the
company to decide.
In as much
as there is a blizzard
raging during the scene,
will anyone see the edelweiss?
Mr. dodd. In Russia,
when I make my great classic
from the cradle to the grave,
I had a real cradle
and a real grave!
Now they want me to
shoot paper flowers.
Thelma, tell him.
I think Mr. dodd
is perfectly right.
How easily your trained mind
cuts through
the obvious conclusion.
All right, let's see
your trained mind cut through
and bring this picture
to an obvious conclusion.
- Shall we...?
- Let us proceed.
Kill the treadmill.
Okay, miss cheri.
All right. Roll 'em.
Give me the effects! Treadmill.
Clouds!
Snowbank!
Trees!
Hey, Mr. dodd.
Oh, how do you do, miss plum?
Well, that's up to you.
Do I get that job or do I
have to pin my faith
on the townsend plan?
This is the last shot
in the picture, you know.
- I'll keep you in mind.
- Yeah, I'll see to that.
Hey, listen Sonny boy.
Don't let them take you
over the high jumps.
Hmm?
You see that thing
over there I was riding on?
It's like a merry-go-round.
It goes like mad and
never gets you anywhere.
I fail to understand.
Yeah, so did Napoleon, and look
what happened in Waterloo.
The blizzard!
- Oh, miss plum...
- Quiet!
Paper edelweiss.
Tell me when it's over.
Cut!
- Colossal studio, good evening.
- How can I connect you?
I'm sorry, miss cheri,
Mr. dodd is still not
accepting any calls.
- Colossal studio.
- I will. You're welcome.
Colossal studio, good evening.
$280,000 for story costs
on sex and Satan.
Fantastic.
Can you tell me why one story
has to be written so many times?
That's the picture business.
"That's the picture business.
Hasn't anybody any answer
for stupidity except
"that's the picture business?
I'm sorry, Mr. dodd,
but that's the only answer.
Hey, Sonny boy.
- Why, miss plum.
- You remember me,
the girl you mentioned
the job to?
I couldn't get you by phone,
you haven't been near the house,
so, here I am.
- Come in, miss plum.
- Thank you.
I'm sorry, sir.
Quite all right, Mr. glover,
don't apologize.
You can go home now,
and thanks very much.
Thank you, sir.
Miss plum, close both doors.
My my, you talk like a producer.
But I can scream
so you can hear it
through more
closed doors than this.
Can you? Oh, yes.
- Have a seat, miss plum.
- Thank you.
I wish to think aloud,
and I find
that I can do so
more efficiently
in the form of conversation.
I've made a
cursory investigation
and, frankly, I'm appalled.
Oh. Maybe you appall easily?
Koslofski. Real edelweiss.
Thelma cheri, eleven writers.
Potts!
Mr. dodd, before you
trust me too far,
don't you think it'd be safer
if I were your secretary
instead of a stray you found
on your doorstep?
Quite true, miss plum.
But I warn you, I require
someone who cannot be corrupted.
And who will be
absolutely faithful to me.
Sonny boy, most men like
women that are faithful
but who will corrupt easily.
Miss plum,
uh, as employer and employee,
I feel that
a certain formality
in our relationship.
Oh, you mean
during business hours
I'm to call you
Mr. dodd, is that it?
Uh, if you will, miss plum.
Okay, Sonny b... uh, Mr. dodd.
Thank you.
I have a confidential telegram
to get off immediately.
I warn you, accuracy and speed
will be the vital factors
affecting your
permanent employment.
"Pettypacker and sons,
wall street, New York City.
"Gentlemen,
"am delaying report re:
Financial structure colossal,
"until special production,
quote, sex and Satan, unquote,
"can be viewed and judged...
"As to potential value. Stop."
Miss plum.
Yes, Mr. dodd?
Would you mind
sitting over here?
No, of course not.
Now, miss plum.
Let us assume that
you are dictating,
and that I am the secretary.
You will observe that
I am not doing this,
nor this,
nor am I doing this.
Instead, I am doing this.
"Yes, Mr. dodd?"
Yes, Mr. dodd.
Let us start again
from the beginning, shall we?
Why should we start
at the beginning?
Why don't we pick it up
where we left off?
Miss plum, this is
no time for levity.
Isn't this what you said?
"Pettypacker and son,
wall street, New York City,
"gentlemen, am delaying
report re: Financial structure
colossal until
special production,
quote, sex and Satan, unquote,
can be viewed and judged
as to potential value, stop.
A truly remarkable
feat of memory, miss plum.
Oh, you forget I was a kid star.
Shirley temple
could've memorized
that dull little speech
of yours backwards.
Of course, I will take it down
in shorthand if you want me to,
but you'll have to slow down.
Yes.
Um, what did I say last?
"Judged as to potential
value, stop."
Exactly.
"Success or failure, this
production
"will vitally influence
"my ultimate decision
re: Sale colossal to Nassau,
"stop.
J happy birthday to you,
happy birthday to you j
j happy birthday dear grandpa j
j happy birthday to you j
eh? What's going on?
What's happy about it?
Now, Fowler.
I say what's happy about it?
It looks like a forest fire.
And if that fella,
atterbury dodd,
is the cause of my
losing five million dollars,
gd
What's that for?
I'm gonna get you
a hunk of something
you haven't had for days -
fresh air.
You've got the jitters.
There's nothing the matter
with my nerves.
Sonny boy.
Mr. dodd, I mean.
You forget that I work
beside you all day long
and sleep in the room
next to you at night.
And I haven't done
much sleeping lately
because you've been
doing my treadmill act.
As a matter of fact,
I am disturbed.
Well, the time for you to be
disturbed is tomorrow,
when the picture's
stuck together
and you get your first
horrified look at it.
Miss plum, this is a crisis.
The savings of
30,000 stockholders,
the integrity of my bank,
incidentally, my own career,
all hang on the success
or failure of sex and Satan.
- Now, do you wonder that...
- Plenty.
I wonder if you have any
normal, male instincts.
Hey.
Do you mind if we
talk about me for a minute?
No, not at all.
Did you ever notice anything
about my hair?
- Your hair, miss plum?
- Yes. Feel it.
It's very soft.
And the wave is as natural
as the crease in.
And the color is rich and real
and utterly feminine.
The implication escapes me.
Okay. One strike.
Strike?
Wait.
Look at my eyes.
You notice anything?
There doesn't seem to be
anything wrong with them,
so far as I can see.
If I can rely on
the voice of the mob,
my eyes are of
unusual depth and color,
and they're very large
and wide apart.
Many's the extra boy
who's been willing
to give up his title
for those eyes.
Well?
What you say is no doubt true,
miss plum. But, um...
Okay. Two strikes.
But, you gotta toss me one more.
Mr. dodd, I, um, scarcely
know how to approach this,
but, uh, well, I mean...
Haven't you noticed anything
about me at all?
Why, yes I have, miss plum.
I am intrigued by your mind.
- And I must confess...
- Strike three, I'm out.
I must confess I've studied
your personal appearance
quite exhaustively.
Boy, you've got me there.
Tell me, did your studies reveal
any faint traces of beauty?
Well, you must be
rather beautiful, miss plum,
otherwise the impulse
to observe you
would never have occurred to me.
Oh, you're capable of great
restraint in your admiration.
My dear miss plum,
this is a business day.
All right, so it's
a business day.
Does that mean you have to
stick around here
and worry yourself sick?
You're dead 'til tomorrow.
Meanwhile, you and I
are gonna have some fun.
Miss plum!
Look, maybe you're
gonna fire me for saying this,
but I've got to, because...
Well, because I've just got to.
You know what's
the trouble with you?
You've got figures in your blood
instead of red corpuscles.
You're a scratched entry
in the human race.
Well, my, goodness gracious.
You're a complete...
Well, I can prove it!
- Did you ever hit a man?
- No.
- Did you ever love a woman?
- Never.
Did you ever get drunk
and thrown out on your ear?
Certainly not.
Weren't you ever wicked, or
didn't you ever
want to be wicked?
- Never.
- Haven't you had
- any fun at all?
- I haven't had
- time for fun.
- Well,
we're gonna have
some fun tonight!
Gd
Oh, I'm sorry.
I just couldn't help it.
Miss plum,
please don't go away.
Miss plum,
you show me a picture of myself
that is not pleasant to behold.
I seem to have led
an odd kind of existence.
I've been unaware of life
as it went on around me,
but I was contented,
and I didn't want to be
disturbed in my contentment.
I seem to be left
a long way behind.
Then, you better
start catching up.
I agree.
What are you gonna do about it?
In the future, I shall not
tether my emotions,
I shall give life an opportunity
to make me the kind of person
I might've been.
Miss plum, do you dance?
- Yes, of course!
- Good.
Gd
Well? Come on.
Don't you know how?
No, if you'll
just do it by yourself first.
Okay.
You mind if I use a stand-in?
Stop! Uh, stay right there,
miss plum.
On the fourth beat,
your foot was...
Here,
and the third... here.
Oh, you can't
learn to dance by mathematics.
It's rhythm.
Rhythm is based on
mathematics, miss plum. Hold it.
Gd
Hey, this is Lester.
I... l won't be home for dinner.
No, and Mrs. mack, don't hold
dinner for Mr. atterbury either.
No. Goodbye.
One, two, three...
Four.
One, two, three, four.
Well, I wouldn't have
believed it if I'd seen it
with my own eyes. Come on.
One, two, three...
Where do you plan
on going tonight?
Four. One...
I decided to take
your advice, miss plum.
Three, four.
I'm going out dancing.
One, two, with miss cheri.
You better take
the rug with 'ya,
you... you vacuum, you!
Why, miss plum...
Jd - one, two, three, four...
- You tango divinely, Mr. dodd.
- One, two, three, four...
Thanks very much.
Two, three, four...
If only this could
go on forever,
instead of just a sweet glimpse.
One, two, three...
A glimpse of what?
Oh, the kind of a glimpse
a girl like me gets
when her orbit crosses the orbit
of a man like you
for one brief moment.
Beg your pardon?
Excuse me.
Do you ever dream, Mr. dodd?
N... no, not habitually.
Two, three, four,
one, two, three, four...
Occasionally, when I have
something to eat
which disagrees with me. Four...
Just won't be serious,
will you, Mr. dodd?
Let's slay 'em, dearie,
- with a rhumba! Hey!
- Hey!
Beg pardon, madam, you are
wanted on the telephone.
Oh, pardon me.
I'll only be a moment.
And remember,
the next dance is mine.
Well, dodd,
how do you like Hollywood?
Well, I... I've been so busy...
Well, that's the trouble,
you big fellas
don't khow how to relax.
You're trying to repair in a day
the accumulated damages of
years of bad management.
Now, I'll take
colossal, for instance...
Yes, that's precisely
what I'm trying to prevent.
Huh?
That's very good, dodd.
Now that you mention it,
I know things about that
situation that you do not know.
Exactly.
For example, you know why
colossal is worth
five million dollars to you,
while the pettypackers
consider it
worthless to their stockholders.
Hmm. You make it sound like
a conspiracy
against the stockholders.
The thought was yours, not mine.
And, Mr. Nassau,
if you are contemplating
trying to intimidate,
cajole, or otherwise swerve
me from my purpose here,
listen, dodd,
you've got lots to learn.
But you're all right.
Yes, sir, you're all right!
Thank you, Mr. Nassau.
But honey, I can't leave.
The brawl's in dodd's honor.
All right. All right, pick me up
when you're through,
but make it early,
will 'ya, babe?
Honey, how's the picture look?
I haven't seen a foot of it.
But let's not talk
about the picture.
I don't wanna fight with you
tonight, you beautiful...
Say, how soon do we get
a look at this cheesecake?
I'm pasting it together
as fast as I can.
Take a look at this.
300 feet of cheri's pan,
stops the action dead.
But if I cut an inch of it,
she'll get me fired.
Gd
Mr. dodd, how do you
occupy your leisure?
Miss cheri, all the excitement,
the romance,
the adventure that I want,
I find in my own way.
Your own way?
Well, if you must know,
in the science of mathematics.
How fascinating!
How dull.
How deadly dull, Mr. dodd.
That's a perfectly
normal reaction, Mr. koslofski,
because you don't know
the science of mathematics.
It's more important to life
than meat and drink.
Without it, there could be
no music. No art. No poetry.
The flight of the bird.
The leap of the salmon.
The rhythm of the d...
The, uh... the...
Flight of the bird,
leap of the salmon, the...
The rhythm of the dance.
It's a lie!
Are you calling me maybe crook?
I'm calling you nothing.
But your possession
of these articles
require some explanation.
Oh, now please, Mr. dodd. He
didn't know what he was doing.
Consider the incident closed.
Oh, no, wait, Mr. dodd.
Oh, no, please, now don't go.
No, please, please, for my sake.
- Don't go.
- Doddsy,
the party's in your honor!
Don't you think
I've been honored
sufficiently for one evening?
Good night.
Take the rhythm of the
salmon, the leap of the dance,
you take it, I can't!
Come here, baby. Give us
some music over there.
One, two, three, four.
And a one, and a two,
what big eyes you got,
miss cheri,
and a 3, and a 4...
Gd
Miss plum?
What's the matter, miss plum?
Miss plum,
open the door. Il insist.
Well? What do you want?
- I heard sounds of distress.
- Oh, your eye!
- What happened?
- 1, uh, I fell.
I know, after
somebody punched you.
Let's see it.
Oh...
You look like a
bad embalming job.
- Who hit you?
- Koslofski.
- Did you slug him back?
- No, I...
What are you, anyway,
a mouse or a man?
Miss plum, if a man
can't control himself,
how can he hope
to control others?
Besides, I, uh,
don't know much about
the art of self-defense.
Well, you could've done this...
Why, miss plum,
you're... you're wonderful.
I don't see anything
wonderful about it,
it's just plain jujitsu.
A trick of leverage.
Leverage?
A principle of Archimedes,
the Greek mathematician.
Well, I don't know anything
about that. All I know
is it comes in very handy
when some guy who's
driving you home tries to
shift gears with your knee.
Miss plum,
teach me how to do that?
I taught you how to do the
tango, and look what happened.
By the way, how'd you make out
with that female Casanova?
Miss plum, I must insist
that you Grant
miss cheri the respect...
The respect to which
she's entitled, is that it?
Protecting her against me, huh?
And now you want me to
teach you jujitsu.
- If you don't mind, miss plum.
- It'll be a pleasure!
- Oh, you're hurt.
- No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, you are hurt!
No, no, miss plum,
it's just my eyes.
Unfortunately, without glasses
I suffer from multiple vision.
Now, let me see.
Um, let me do it to you.
Now, let me see.
First of all, I, um...
I pull this down. Then I...
Then I do this?
- Then I hold you close.
- Closer.
- I beg your pardon?
- Closer.
Close as you can.
Oh, yes.
Now, what do I do?
Don't you know?
Of course! Now I
apply the leverage!
I mastered it!
Without striking a blow, I can
render a person helpless!
Miss plum.
Oh, my dear miss plum.
You're hurt.
Let me rub it for you.
Where are you hurt, miss plum?
Not where your rubbing will
do it any good, Sonny boy.
Oh, Mr. dodd,
Lester told us who you are.
About you being the head
of colossal, that is.
You know, silvernose's contract
with monarch
expires next week,
he's a buy at three-and-a-half!
Gd
(Gaspin oh! 9
Goodbye... little...
Jungle goddess...
Oh, sir Geoffrey.
My beloved.
I see... snow.
The edelweiss.
Oh...
Congo, he's dead!
But... but I shall
keep our tryst.
St. Moritz, in October.
Gd
Oh, miss plum.
Would you mind telling me
how the picture left you?
Numb. Just numb.
Oh, uh, if you want me,
I'll, uh,
"I'll be in St. Moritz,
in October.
Mr. dodd.
Please, last night I'm
filled from remorses.
Vodka does strange things.
That was social.
This is business.
I accept.
Miss cheri, are you satisfied
with the production?
Oh, well, Mr. dodd, an artist
is never satisfied.
There are always little things
that must be done over again.
Then you don't consider
the production finished?
Mr. dodd,
great pictures are not made.
They are remade.
That's the picture business,
Mr. dodd.
Mr. quintain,
what would you advise?
It's a Turkey. I'd advise you
not to spend another dime on it.
We better junk it and forget it.
I told these two from the
beginning it was a dud.
You drunken pig!
Mr. dodd, all through production
he was like this:
I was what?
Thelma, tell Mr. dodd
this is true what I'm saying.
Well, why don't you answer?
All right, I will.
It's true. I begged him
all through production
to stay sober and to help us.
We might have avoided
retakes, if...
Have you anything
to say, Mr. quintain?
You heard what the lady said.
Mr. quintain,
your intoxication at a time
when the success of colossal
depended on this picture
is unpardonable.
You place me in a most
unpleasant position.
Oh, but this is so unnecessary.
There's no alternative.
Mr. dodd, you just took
sole charge of a studio.
Oh, miss plum.
I recall your having
mentioned a procedure
by which we might Gauge
the merits of sex and Satan.
My first guess is that
you mean a preview.
An advanced showing,
at which cards are passed
among the spectators
upon which they note
their reactions.
Sure, try it on the dog.
If he doesn't
bite you, you're in.
Precisely.
You hate me, don't you?
Go on, say it. I deserve it.
I deserve every rotten thing
you can say to me.
But Doug, if you only knew what
staying on top means to me...
I do now.
Oh, I must have been crazy.
But, seeing everything
crack up...
Everything I'd hocked my soul
to get, Doug...
I was afraid.
You hocked your soul?
Look, I'm the guy that
dragged you out from behind
a cigarette tray and
put you up on a billboard.
The chump that shoved you down
an unsuspecting public's throat.
Made you the biggest
star in the business,
until they got wise
to the fact that your hips
were doing the acting
and not your face.
And then when you thought
you were slipping, you got
yourself engaged to
that termite koslofski,
because you figured he could
do more for you than I could.
Even that didn't cure me.
Koslofski was a bust, so you
came crawling back to me,
promising you'd air him
if I gave you another chance.
And I fell for it.
But the whole thing's so rotten,
it makes me wretch.
Oh, but it's
not your fault, girlie.
It's mine.
Yeah, mine for putting
a dumb little small-town dame
in a spot where a million fans
treated her like royalty.
I made you an applause addict.
I had no right to expect you
to kick over a habit like that.
Oh, Doug, please.
I can't stand this.
I know exactly
how you feel, babe.
For months I've been holding
still for every dirty rap
you wanted to hang on me,
conning myself what a guy I am,
ducking a real honest look
at my kisser until today
you made me look.
You know, they've got a name
for guys who peddle
shopworn merchandise
to the suckers.
Oh, Doug! How could you
say those things about yourself?
Everybody else is saying them,
why rule me out?
I ought to take poison, but
that would give you
too much publicity.
I've got a better way.
Oh, Doug, no, no.
I'm not worth it.
I've done enough to you already.
You'll never get another job
again if you start drinking!
You'll end up in a straitjacket!
Why not?
You'll forget better that way.
Oh, no, Doug. Doug!
- What about me?
- You?
Next time,
rattle before you strike.
"What actor or actress
do you like the most?
"The gorilla.
"Did you like the story?
What story?"
215 cards, and all of them
like the gorilla
better than your girlfriend.
Uh, miss plum, the lady to whom
you refer as "my girlfriend
is merely a business associate.
The way they hissed your
"business associate",
I thought the theater
was full of cobras.
Yes, it was
a horrible experience.
Well, don't take it too hard,
Sonny boy.
Miss plum.
I'm afraid this is
the end of colossal.
Do you mean you're gonna sell?
To Nassau?
I see no alternative.
Atterbury, do you know
what you're saying?
Why, miss plum.
Your sympathetic attitude
proves to me that you are
not only a loyal employee,
you are also,
if you will permit the Liberty,
a close, personal friend.
The prospect of humbling
myself before the pettypackers...
Why, you egotistical
adding machine.
What do I care
how you humble yourself?
I'm thinking of the people
who'll go out on their ear
if you close this studio.
Pop Jones at the commissary,
miss cooley up in the wardrobe.
Carpenters, prop men,
electricians.
Three thousand people
that you call units.
Units who happen to have
homes and families
and kids and rent to pay
and doctor bills...
- Miss plum, please!
- Go ahead and sell the studio!
But remember this when
you're sitting at your
highly polished desk
in New York emptying ashtrays,
that those thousands of people
you threw out of work will be
walking the streets,
humbling themselves
to the grocer and butcher,
hungry because of you!
Miss plum, you're hysterical.
Sure I am, because
I'm one of those units!
You're not a unit! Y...
You're... y... you're different,
miss plum.
No, I'm not different.
And from now on, I'm not even
a loyal employee
nor a close, personal friend.
Miss plum.
Under the circumstances,
what else can I do?
Nothing. You fired quintain,
the one man who might have
been able to do something.
Hello? Get me
Mr. quintain's residence.
Hello, I want to
speak with Mr. quintain.
Oh. Where can I locate him?
Well, hasn't he some...
Favorite haunt?
Oh. Mr. quintain, him
haunting trocadero
for two days.
Thank you.
Gd
Oh, no you don't.
You ain't getting in here again.
Aside, my friend.
I stand on my
constitutional rights.
Go away, or you'll be
sitting on them!
You know, you are the most
consistently irritating...
Okay, sugar, it's a deadlock.
Mr. quintain.
- Ah, Mr. dodd.
- I've got to speak to you.
I claim the privilege of
buying you a little drink.
Oh, no, no. No, really,
I've got to speak to you.
Over a little drink, my friend.
Then I shall be forced
to render you helpless.
Drive on.
Mr. quintain, doesn't the fate
of 3,000 people
mean anything to you?
Only the fate of one people
means anything to me.
And she's a little skunk.
- Now, look here...
- Aw, leave me alone.
- But, Mr. quintain, you...
- Sic 'em, baby, sic 'em.
Ah, now that's the first
reasonable argument
you've presented.
Feeling better?
Yeah, lots better.
Ah, but what's the use
of talking?
Even if I could fix the picture,
cherl'd have to
okay the cutting.
Then I shall deprive her
of that power.
Throw away your dream book.
Mr. quintain, there is a clause
in every star player's contract.
Quote: "If the artist commits
any act which will prejudice
the public against the
motion picture industry
"by doing anything which may
bring her into public hatred,
"contempt, scorn or ridicule,
"the contract is then breached.
unquote.
So what?
So I shall
involve her in a scandal.
Say, that's not so funny
at that. She'll let 'ya.
I'm sure she will.
I've always had the impression
that miss cheri
is inclined to make advances.
Hey, dodd, you hit something.
Watching cheri out of the
picture business
is the answer for both of us.
Well, wish me luck.
Dodd, I've got an angle
from these preview cards.
I got a hunch.
I... 1 hope my endeavors
won't be wasted.
You realize that this makes you
a libertine and
a charlatan, don't you?
Yes, I'm fully aware of that.
And I'm quite willing
to make the sacrifice.
Wait a minute. You're not
the only one
that's making the sacrifice.
I still love that dame.
I wish I knew why.
Well.
Gd
Gd
Gd
Gd
Gd
Gd
But, Mr. Nassau.
This is a
question of good faith.
Here I've called this
special meeting of my board.
I've fought with them.
I've persuaded them to accept
your offer for colossal.
And now...
I... 1 don't know how
I'm going to explain
your change in attitude to them.
That's regrettable,
Mr. pettypacker,
but I'm in a meeting right now
with my own board.
Your Mr. dodd has destroyed
colossal's greatest asset,
miss cheri.
Oh, further negotiations
are impossible.
I'm sorry, Mr. pettypacker.
Uh, wait, Mr. Nassau.
Now, suppose I told you that
my board has authorized me
to fire dodd, close the payroll,
and turn the plant over to you?
Colossal is still a
fine property, Mr. Nassau.
And I am talking
immediate delivery.
Frankly, Mr. pettypacker,
we've made up our minds, but...
Uh, hang on, I'll make
one last effort.
The first race!
Down the stretch,
me oh my and capstan
neck and neck, mammy third
and high life closing up fast.
They're in, and it's a
photographic finish.
What a race...
You win, Mr. pettypacker.
All right. Our attorneys in
New York can handle that.
Oh, you're a lucky man.
So long.
Signed, sealed and delivered.
Oh, I'd love to see
atterbury dodd's face
long about now.
Me too.
Wait a minute, will you?
Hello? Hello,
send me a page boy, please.
Oh...
Hello? Dodd speaking.
I know it's dodd speaking.
We've sold out to Nassau.
You're fired!
Come in.
- You sent for me, sir?
- Yes.
Please deliver this note to
miss cheri's dressing room.
Yes, sir.
So you didn't have time to
say it all to her last night?
And it won't keep 'til tonight,
is that it?
Miss plum,
I have been dismissed.
Oh, you're breaking my heart.
After four years with
pettypacker and sons.
Look, this is a closing check.
I've been dismissed too, along
with 3,000 others,
in case you're interested.
And I should break out in a
hot sweat because
you lost your job.
You sold out your stockholders
and you crossed up
your employees.
What I did was for
the good of my company.
What you did was
shoot the works!
And for what?
Hi, dodd. You put up
a great battle.
You mind if I get the results?
The office is yours now,
Mr. Nassau.
I admire your attitude.
No hard feelings. You have
a lot of virtues I admire.
Gd
Have I, Mr. Nassau?
Atterbury,
you're a brilliant man.
What difference does it make
which side you're on
as long as you win?
I'll give you a job right now
at $75,000 a year,
- and a handshake.
- News flash.
The sit-downers in the
prism steel strike have defied
all attempts to oust them
for 48 hours.
Stay tuned to this station
for further details.
- We now return you...
- Well, that's more
than the pettypackers
ever paid you.
Gd
Much more, Mr. Nassau.
- An even dozen, I think.
- Huh?
Oh, oh yes. Well, think it over.
Thanks, I will.
Excuse me, Mr. Nassau.
Take as
much time as you want to.
I have nothing to do but wait
for the eighth race at hialeah.
And here we are now at hialeah,
and its typical Florida weather.
Great weather for a great race,
and that's just what it
promises to be here.
An 18 karat, full-jeweled heel.
How you doin', rattlebury?
Hello.
A nice day.
You say it's a nice day,
well, I say it ain't.
It's a rotten day for all of us.
I'm sorry. Dreadfully sorry
about your jobs.
Alright, alright,
beat it, stuffed shirt.
You're rattlehole, rattlebury.
That's the dirtiest double-cross
ever pulled on a woman!
If you think that's
a double-cross,
here, get a load of
a triple-cross!
So what?
You know where that luscious
close-up is going?
Right in the can.
And here's what takes its place.
You're cutting me
out of the picture!
Not out, baby, just
down to a whisper.
Instead of you
chasing sir Geoffrey,
the gorilla's gonna chase you.
And you'd be surprised how much
sense that makes!
Oh, Doug, no matter
what I've done to you...
Baby, it'll make a picture
out of this celluloid garbage.
And it's the only way
to make a good woman out of
a very bad actress.
You've ruined my career!
All right, I've got
another career for you
when you come out of that fog.
Here, that'll give you
a rough idea.
That one's on me.
Sweetheart, I pulled
a rabbit out of a hat.
All we need now to make it
a real smasheroo are
a few added shots
of the gorilla.
Here, I've made a
list of the sets.
You better okay them so the art
department can start building.
Mr. quintain,
I have just been dismissed.
- You? Fired?
- Everyone.
The studio's been sold
to Nassau.
Well, how do you like that?
All this work for...
When we were that close.
A couple of more days and we
would've been in the bag.
Mr. quintain,
assuming you had those 48 hours,
what else would you need?
Nothing except those
guys out there,
and we got the
gorilla on the lot.
No, but...
What difference does it make?
The difference in the lives
of those people.
Mr. quintain, you can have
those 48 hours.
And that manpower.
Just like that?
Just like that.
If those gates are locked,
then Nassau is prevented
from taking over the studio.
Yeah, but you can't do that
if he's on the lot.
There are 3,000 other people
on this lot who might
resent his presence here.
You're talking about
20 years in the can.
That's unlawful possession.
But colossal must be saved
for those people.
Hey!
Whatever became of that
atterbury dodd that used
to call those guys units
and cogs in the machine?
Well, I must admit to a certain
modification of viewpoint.
And that 20-year rap
doesn't matter?
It seems to me that the
only thing that really matters
is that a man be
true to himself.
I mean, for instance, if it's
an essential part of his
nature to be clean,
then he should bathe.
If he dislikes chicanery,
he must be straightforward.
Not for hope of reward
or fear of punishment,
but because that's the kind
of a man that he is.
It's not a question of
who's right or who's wrong,
it's simply a question
of what's inside a person.
Does that make any sense to you?
How much did he offer you?
Seventy-five th...
How did you guess?
Sweetheart, I'll split that
20 years with you. Move over.
But don't forget that in
Hollywood when you
turn the other cheek,
they kick it.
Mr. quintain,
would you mind very much if I
called you by your first name?
I'd like nothing better.
Thank you, Douglas.
Carry on, Joan of arc.
Gd
Miss plum,
we've gotta stop them.
Gentlemen!
Fellow workers.
Fellow workers,
I must talk to you.
You've got to listen to me.
I must talk to you!
Stop!
Out of the way, white collar.
I command you, stop!
Gd
Gd
Give me the key.
Now, you've got to listen to me.
I don't mind being a target
if you'll just listen to me.
Hey, you look like a
Spanish omelette!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Let him talk.
Make it fast, and make it good.
Hey, slip 'em the nifty
about the rhythm of the salmon
and the leap of the dance!
Listen, I was
discharged this morning, too.
Quiet, pipe down! Give him
a chance to talk!
Hey, tell 'em the one about
mathematics is more important
to life than meat and drink!
Anybody else who wanna listen?
All right, guy.
You regard me as
your enemy, don't you?
I'm capital and you're labor,
that's the way
you see it, isn't it?
Well, it isn't as simple
as all that.
Let me tell you who
our stockholders are.
Ah, don't fall for it, suckers.
It's bank night!
Is there anyone here who
owns any colossal stock?
- I have a few shares.
- Come here.
Here you are, men.
There's your capitalist.
And there's a streetcar
conductor in Denver,
a bricklayer in Chicago,
a soldier's widow in Memphis,
30,000 of them.
Their savings built this plant.
And what's happening now?
A small group
of financial tricksters,
headed by ivor Nassau, is
trying to close it.
Well, the stockholders can't
afford to see it closed,
any more than we can.
There's no trouble here that
a good picture won't cure.
Mr. quintain tells me that we
can have
a smasheroo in sex and Satan
if we can only finish it.
We can expose Nassau, we can
save the studio and our jobs.
So I'm asking you
for 48 hours' work.
I have no money to pay for
those 48 hours,
but I pledge you my word...
Quiet! Quiet
I know I'm doing this
very badly, but...
Won't you please
try and understand?
Because it's vitally
important to us all.
Do as I ask, and I
pledge you my word
that I will convince the
stockholders that we are
entitled to an interest in this
business that we have saved.
Let's not sit down,
let's stand up and fight!
Yeah, but can we hold on?
Nassau'll have the law on us!
Of course he will.
But there's 3,000 of us,
we won't let the law in!
Ah, skip the speeches
and let's go home!
Now, Mr. quintain needs
carpenters, electricians.
What do you say, gentlemen?
What do you say, juicers?
How 'bout it, grips?
- We're with you.
- I own the gorilla.
The gorilla says yes!
We'll show them a real fight!
Mr. potts, in my youth
I learned an axiom,
that a straight line
is the shortest distance
between two points.
Come on, come on!
I must have slipped!
Thank you. Thank you.
Excuse me just one moment.
At the half, cream puff
they're coming down the stretch
now, cream puff is in the lead,
look at that cream puff, and
it's cream puff by two lengths,
hula girl second,
and spyglass third.
Stand by, I'll have
the prices for you in a moment.
- And what a race...
- Mr. Nassau,
you should have been here.
You offered me a position.
Sure, dodd.
I think you're intelligent.
And I need intelligent
men in my organization.
That's a deliberate
falsehood, Mr. Nassau,
you think I'm stupid.
Too stupid to know
this is a bribe.
A bribe? For what?
To prevent my dissolving
this sale, Mr. Nassau,
and to avoid an
investigation at which
I intend to charge
you with conspiracy.
- Why, you...
- If you please, sir.
What is this, dodd?
Archimedes' law of leverage,
Mr. Nassau,
or, colloquially known as
"jujitsu.
Gentlemen?
I give you ivor Nassau.
No, no, no, no. No, no!
Heave!
It was me that threw
that tomato at you.
I'm awfully sorry.
Oh, don't mention it.
Dodds! My friend!
Congratulations!
Have you another tomato?
Oh, sure.
Thanks.
A bullseye.
Yes, indeed.
Thank you, miss plum.
Miss plum, take a telegram.
"Messrs. Pettypacker and sons,
"wall street, New York City.
"This will advise you, that
for failure to deliver to buyer,
"you still own this business.
"Have checked
all items carefully..."
Miss plum, uh, if you please.
M... miss plum,
w... will you marry me?
What, no buildup?
That's the picture business.
Um...
Where were we, miss plum?
"Have checked all items,
carefully.
Yes, uh, carefully.
"Stop."
"Enormous profits are..."
"In the bag..."
"For colossal this year."
Hello?
Uh, send a truck to
Mr. koslofski's residence
to pick up various furnishings
belonging to the
property department.
Mr. quintain, please.
Douglas? We are now in business.
Say, honey, if you
could cook, I'd marry you.
Precisely.
"We'll outline plans
for future operations
"when we meet at the, uh,
"investigation which I
propose to demand
"on behalf of the stockholders.
Gd
Why, miss plum.
You...
I'm sure we're
going to be very happy,
miss plum.
Gd