The Gymnast (2006) Movie Script
You 've stopped taking
your anti-depressants?
Yes
No other medications?
No
Well, I think it's
time we start looking
at some alternative therapies
And we'll need to bring
your husband in for those
It gets pretty expensive
from here on out, I'm afraid
I thought if I stayed in
shape I'd have more time
A lot of women make that mistake
Honey, this is grown up
time Leave mommy alone
Can I please have a massage? Please!
I said, no! Leave Mommy alone
Go on. Go!
Oh, can you please take
her with you when you leave?
I dreamt about the accident again
Only this time my brains
were smeared all over the road
This casting director is
a bitch with a capital C
Lay down
I'm just really nervous
Come to the audition with me
I can't
I have a new client this afternoon
Hi. It's Jane Hawkins
You can set up outside by the pool
What the hell are you
staying in shape for?
Denise?
It really is you
I got a referral and
it was the same name
and I had to know if it was you
O h, come press my laundry!
Sorry
Well, I understand why
you fell off the radar
Certainly marrying him
explains a thing or two
Well, you look like
you 've done all right
I divorced up
To... not-so-old friends
You obviously didn't get the memo
The memo?
You can come out now and start
eating chocolate, cheese...
I do
Well, somehow it's not
having the same effect
Oh, God
C'mon, I'll s how
you around the hovel
Back to the huddle
Just over nine minutes to
go... they need to score
This training system was
designed with one goal in mind:
To get you absolutely ripped
I don't mean to be the
nosy neighbor but...
is everything all right?
I'm fine
Okay... okay
NURTURING NATURE
Natural Fertility Solutions
I thought it would
be easy, you know?
I thought I could
make an accident happen
You did that, all
right. You married him
It's not his fault.
I'm the withered husk
You want kids, take mine
Ungrateful bastards, all of them
Expensive, too
Yeah, that's his argument
Don't put me in his
corner. He's an idiot
And so are you, Withered husk?
Eat some butter, for Christ's sake
You make me feel like
crap just looking at you
Sweetie, there's still
plenty of things you can do
with that husk of yours
Excuse me!
Yes?
I wanted to introduce myself.
My name is Nicole
Uh... Jane
Yeah... I know who you are
Can I ask you a question?
Okay
Are you afraid of heights?
H i, honey
Can you get us a
round of beers in here?
No, I'll get it
Hey, hot stuff?...
What'd you do today?
Walked in to a gym for
the first time in ten years
Been that long for me, too
Harder! Harder!
Harder! Harder!
NICOLE
555.0182
FAIS DODO
Hi
I'm sorry. I must have
the wrong place
No, you don't. I'm so
glad you could make it
Come on in
Serena, this is Jane
Jane, this is Serena
Serena's in my adult
class and kicking butt
That was beautiful
Thanks
Serena, could you step
on the ladder for me?
Sure
Okay, I want you to climb up
Okay
Start from a sitting
position on the floor
and don't use your legs
No legs
Here. Put some of this on first
Okay. Now get up
Go! Go! Get up! Get up!
Okay, I suck
No, that's all right. No
shame there. You 're good
Jane, you 're up
She's not Jane. She's Tarzan
She has the strength.
But you have the grace
Now if I can just
get the two of you
to rub off on each other,
you 'll have the whole package
And that's money in the bank
Nice
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
What are we doing?
Did n't tell you?
It's just a little thing called...
Showbiz!
Showbiz?
The idea is to get a job in Vegas
Oh, wow
So are you gonna do it?
I might... I've got a lot to learn
Gonna have to practice
almost every day
So you think you 'd
still have energy to run?
Well, aerials are all upper body
so the answer is yes
Got to keep the body balanced
Oh, you're balanced
You 're so sweet
No not sweet
I'm a bad-ass from
the wrong side of town
Yeah, you better run!
Respond to the fabric
Make wings and tap...
and then pull yourself up
You got it?
Can we take a break?
You don't even have to ask
As soon as you feel
weak let yourself down
The general rule is, if you
feel like you 're gonna fall...
you probably will
Fabric bite you?
Yeah. A little bit
Got to build up my call uses again
Fun!
What's with the hands?
It's like sandpaper
How's it hangin' over there?
Hey, everybody, say hey to Jimmy
He runs the place
Hey, Jimmy!
Ladies...
You 've got to try
to find a focal point
Try staring at your hands
You need a break?
No way
Can you use your hands?
Harder... A little harder
That's right?
Throw it over your left shoulder
Good. Now pull yourself up
How did you know
I was gonna love this?
When you came in that day
I could tell you had
some unfinished business
Sweet!
What's the date today?
I think it's the twelfth
Did you say something?
Oh, put that away, silly!
How's that feel?
I've made you keys in case you
ever want to run away from home
Yeah, I dug that up.
The Hawk and the Hammer
We made quite a pair...
Yeah, I was always the pretty one
But I always brought
home the hardware
Oh, who can be bothered
with all that bric-a-brac?
That's nice.
Where did you get that?
It was a gift... from
Denise Wingfield, actually
The Hammer? Jeez
want to see you either
She just bought a house in Malibu
There goes the neighborhood
Whoa... Where'd you get that?
Oh
And this?
You 've got to take that off
Why? It's beautiful
I'm serious. Take it off
No
People are gonna think I beat you
Please, find something else to wear
I beg you
What have you been
doing, stunt work?
That looks like a rug burn
Meaning what?
I don't know. You tell me
How would you get a rug burn?
It's a fabric burn
Nice distinction
David, please
So, who is it?
Is it Dan... the little weasel?
You 're about to feel really stupid
so mysterious about it
Can I just have one thing
that's not about us?
Sure
You have been all
over the map lately
Oh no, Serena, other leg
Honey, it's the other leg
Breathe in to my hand.
Breathe in to my hand
Just relax. You
knocked your wind out
You all right?
Everything still working?
Let's not make that
part of the act, okay
Okay
Want to try to get up?
Let's try
Okay
Our Vegas audition is next week
if we can manage not
to kill ourselves first
Well, I think you 're crackers
Oh, no, I gotta drive
Spend the night
Oh, yeah, love to
hear that conversation
You ought to give him
something to be jealous about
There's this guy that lives
next door who's kinda sweet
O h, please!
If you 're gonna step out,
expand your horizons a little
And?
Men are boring
Denise! When did this happen?
Between marriages
Sometimes during
I'm shocked
I don't see why
I seem to remember your tongue
in my mouth sophomore year
Oh, come on!
You can't count that!
Give a girl a
complex, why don't you!
Hey, you just missed 'em
What's that?
A bit of bad news. Nikky's
kid was in an accident...
so Serena's taking
her to the airport
O h, my God
Yeah, he lives with
his father in Atlanta
It sounded bad,
the way they ran outta here
One of them calls you never
wanna get, you know?
Yeah
Hey, if you 're not rehearsing,
can you take the stuff down?
Sure
David... I want to have a baby
It's now or never and
I'd rather it be now
Do you think you still can?
I don't know
There are some tests we
need to take. It's expensive
Why don't you just go off the
pill and we'll see what happens
I did
Do you have any idea
how completely selfish that is?
Not to mention how expensive
that could have been?
You all right?
What's that obnoxious thing
people do when a waiter
drops a glass?
They start clappin'
Hi, this is Serena.
I'm trying to reach Jane
I got your number
Hello? Hello? Hello?
Hi. How are you?
Yeah, I know. I spoke with
Nicole last week. Thank goodness
What's that?
Really?
And that's cool
with Jimmy?
Hello, Dan
There goes my rabbit!
Hey, check you out
Yeah, I got here early
I thought we'd play on this
side of the room for a change
Okay
Thanks for the call. Really
I won't go in to it, but I can
tell you your timing was perfect
So what should we do?
I don't know. Maybe stretch?
Right
I think that's right
Okay... get ready
to dial 9-1-1
Nice
Feel a little out of shape
Yeah, right
You want to throw it
over both legs first
That's it
What's up?
You were fine. The wrap was good
What's the matter?
I got spooked
It's because you fell
We can work low
That's a show-stopper
Just for now
I once slipped and straddled
the balance beam so hard
my cooter went up in my throat
Oi!
And when I could walk again,
my coach forced me
to get back on the beam, which
I swore I would never ever do
But I won nationals a few months
later, so I was glad he did
Uh-huh
Meaning get your ass back up there!
You don't have to climb
high Just do a single
Come on, get up there
You 're doing great
That's it
Wanna go higher?
No. I'm fine
Oh!
What was that?
Nothing
Do you live in a bad neighborhood?
Maybe we're aiming too high
Let's forget about Vegas
We should just try to
get a few gigs in town
I don't know. I'm thinking this
whole thing wasn't such a good idea
Hey, don't make me tell
the cooter story again!
Okay, I tell you what. I've got
something that's gonna be perfect
for those clients you mentioned
It's a yacht...
staffed by six hostesses
who take care of the needs
of up to four male guests
And once it reaches
international waters
it becomes a floating casino, and
whatever else you want it to be
"Whatever happens off-shore,
stays off-shore!"
Right
two, three, four, five...
Yes!
Five! That's getting better
I suck!
Keep your legs tight when
you 're in the straddle
then lower your body straight
Go slow
That's good
Yeah!
Do it again
I'm stuck
Six, seven, eight
Good!
We need an act
We need Nicole
You 're a dancer.
Choreograph something
Hah!
Come on. Rise up, girlfriend
I'm so sore!
Sorry. I got lost in the count
You 'll get it
I think we need a gimmick
You mean besides
the token Asian thing
Way besides that
We could do it nude
Maybe not
We could both get
in the same hammock
We could do porting moves
It's a hand grip, like this
Here, do this.
Now grab my wrists
See, you hang on to me,
I hang on to you
It's solid
Cool
I got ya
Do you want to go upside down?
I so have you
Gorgeous!
Do you want to do one arm?
- Can you?
- I got you
Can you grab me by the waist?
Give me your hand
Nice. Are you okay?
Yeah
What now?
Arch up
Should we sit?
I've got to save some energy
for the benefit tonight
Can you break it down?
Yes
You 're still coming tonight?
Yeah
Wow, look at you.
You 're on the ball
You know we don't have
to be there until 8:30
What's wrong?
I messed up
What?
Jane, we had a plan
Look, I said I'm sorry
But I think I can
miss one company party
They're gonna give me an award
Oh. What is it?
I don't know. Something
stupid, probably
Well, congratulations
That's great, Jane. Just great!
Thank you very, very much
Hey!
were gonna make it
How are you doin'?
Good to see you
Jane!
You were so beautiful.
I just wish Nicole had seen you
Oh, look at you. You 're stunning
I feel a little overdressed
No, you 're gorgeous
Honey, let me just
grab you for a sec
There are some people
I need you to meet
Okay, you were great!
I'll see you Monday
Hey! Hey!
You 've never seen
my house before!
No, I haven't
Wanna check it out?
It's not far
- Okay
- Okay
- Follow me
- Ok
You live alone?
Yes
know dancers made that much
It helps if you're a
soloist in a company
Which you were?
Yes
But not anymore?
No
These are my babies
You met her
Is she a switchblade?
Not quite
Switchblades are spring-loaded,
which makes them illegal
This one is spring-assisted
Ah
This one... she's a switchblade
All right, you have to
explain it to me again
What?
About the knives
I just like them
Go deeper, please?
It's beautiful
It's a weapon
It's art
It's a beautifully artful weapon
Exactly
Have you ever had to use it?
Just did
I mean on people who
aren't made of cheese
No
A therapist would have
a field day with this
Here. Open it
It is beautiful
Now close it
Clip it to your pants
No, on the inside
- How does it feel?
- I don't know
like, you don't
want to mess with me?
Right
Uh... I'm gonna get some water
Do you want some?
No, I'm good
Hey, you know, I'm just
gonna head out. It's late
It sticks
Okay, well....
I'll see you Monday
You were great
Is that a knife in your pocket
or are you just happy to see me?
Oh, sorry. Here
Keep it
Really?
Yeah
Okay
- I'll see you Monday
- Ok
Bye
Hey
I had it off for the performance
So, I was wondering if
you might wanna go out
and have a drink sometime
Not like a date, of course.
Just give us a chance
to have a conversation
without hyperventilation
That's sweet, Dan
No, not sweet
Not sweet
Here, wait
It's just...
I hear the fights and I feel bad
And I wanna help out, if I can...
if you want to talk
Thank you. That's nice
No, no, it's not nice
I'm asking you out on a date...
because your husband
treats you like crap
And I know that
you're extraordinary
I am not a nice man
But I am a nice guy, so...
All right
I'll go out with you if
and when you can catch me
No!
Another beautiful Sunday in LA...
unless you're driving on the
405, where it is just ugly
A more complete check on traffic
and weather right after this
Wow
So this is what you 've been up to
Yeah
Keep going
I'm beat
All right
You make it look so easy
Hey. Just calling to say hi
and see what you were doing
Okay, bye
It's Jane, by the way
Okay, bye!
So after waiting
two hours to take off
and unbelievable turbulence,
we have to wait 45 minutes
on the ground before we
can pull up to the gate
And then it took another
hour and a half to get home
Ground control to Major Hawkins
What's that?
Look, honey, if you 're gonna drink
my booze you gotta hear my bullshit
Sorry
Is this too high?
No
That's our cue
If I put my arm under there
Can you move from there?
Okay, let's try now
I am so sorry!
I don't know what I'm doing.
I am sorry. Are you okay?
No!
It will never happen again
I'm not, uhm, gay
just so you know
Well, I am
Oh
You thought I was straight?
I just thought
you were beautiful
A tourist checking out the scenery
No
Okay
You 're married. We've got that
And you think you're straight
So let's just leave it there
Okay
Okay
Please tell me what's going on
Nothing
I'm just training hard
Beautiful, you guys!
- I'm very impressed
- Thank you
When you perform it you
'll be higher up, right?
Yes
Then the only thing I
would say is spice it up
It needs a kiss in there somewhere
Oh. I don't know
Do it. Trust me, it'll slay 'em
Well, I could watch you two all day
but I've got a plane to catch
Thanks for coming b y
Listen, I'll be in New
York until Monday so...
you 've got the keys, right?
Serena, it's so nice
to meet you, finally
You are beyond gorgeous
At 42 I'm thinking my
body's safely in retirement
and here she is, a year older,
still bouncing off the walls
I love you... I hate you
See you next week
Great stuff!
You are not 43
In a month
Okay. You 're my hero
Hey!
What if I could get you an
audition for the Lido in Vegas?
- You 're kidding!
- You could do that?
Well, if you sex it up,
I think you 'd be perfect
- What about costumes?
- We haven't got there yet
I'll work on it
Gotta go. Bye!
Vegas? Yeah!
You still okay with this?
As long as it's part of the act
Good
I'm not enjoying this
You are higher up though
Hey
Do you want to go out friday night?
You mean socialize?
Yeah. See a movie or something
I have a better idea
What you do?
You a mess
I say turnover!
How come you don't speak Korean?
I'm adopted
I haven't been to
Korea since I was two
Oh
And my folks are more likely to
speak Yiddish around the house
What?
I had you pegged for an O'Brien
You are so in the wrong
part of town right now
You don't know jack about Asians
You really do all look alike
There are many shades
of yellow, big nose
Hey
I know Japanese girls
with whiter skin than you
Flips got the juicy booty
Filipinos
Koreans got the high
cheekbones, like so
Cambodians have
teeth like the Brits
and the Chinese have
the big noses, poor bastards
What else?
Korean ladies throw much attitude
And are shocked by pierced nipples
A good ice-breaker with
a Japanese girl is to say
"O nada ooksigh," and make a face
It means stinky smell.
They love their fart jokes
But you're a Jap
Jewish Asian Princess
Was that your attempt at a joke?
'Ca use I'll cut you.
I will cut you
Here have some Kim-Chee
Who's that?
Oh my God, no
If you learn this trick, you 'll
never have to stand in line again
You 've got to be kidding
Push your hips forward. Way forward
There ya go
Wass up!
So your parents don't
know you 're gay?
How's that work?
Not so great
What would happen if you told them?
C'mon...
It's fine
They're just so old now
Okay, Goldilocks
Well, that was fun
Yeah
Shame we can't rehearse
the ending right now
Yeah. You want to?
Hell no.
You know the rules
I know, but...
Out of my car, bitch
Hey what are you doing tomorrow?
Whatcha' got?
Whoa! This girl is hooked up
How's that?
That's good!
How do I look?
You look good
Oh, God!
Room number 29
I like it
I could live here
Oh, I know
I've got to show you something
Come on
Are you kidding me?!
Party!
It's my birth day!
Oh, yeah!
What movies they got?
What did you pick?
How do you work all this stuff?
Back here
Get the lights! Get the lights!
Focus
Down in front
a terrible blow forth is young woman
And it's a devastating
loss
for the American team
going into these games
She 's our best gymnast,
Don. This is tragic
You can see the trainers
performing what's called
a Thompson Test
so it's probably
her Achilles, right?
Right, and you don't
come back from that
You can see the look on her face
She knows it
It's all the more tragic because
she couldn't compete
in the 1980 games
- Because of the boycott
- That's right
And we thought that washer year then
It washer year then
These games were hers,
I think, also. And you know?
And she told me before these
games that she felt like
an arrow that had been pulled
back but never released
and that this washer chance
And it doesn't look like
she's going to get that release
I don't see how it's
possible at this point
She 's already 22 years...
I love scars
Figures goes with the knives
You just saw what I'm famous for
No
It was in every newspaper,
on magazine covers...
Turn on the TV and there I was,
flopping on the mat
Lieee
And you know, I used to think
that was the worst thing
that ever happened
tome until I had my
"Oops, I forgot to have
a baby," moment
When did you have that?
All the time
Can I ask you something?
Is my pool heated?
Come on!
You know, those
costumes will never work
I hate to tell Denise
Yeah, but you guys are really tight
We were
She loathes David. So
we lost touch for a while
What'd he do?
He knocked her up freshman year
Really?!
Look, it floats
When did you hook up with him?
Oh, years after...
after the scar
We made a perfect pair, really
He wanted to be a big football star
Boy, it really has been
all downhill since college
I think I smell self-hatred
With that little nose?
of closeted lesbians everywhere
You can't hate yourself
You 're too magnificent
Look who's talking
I don't hate myself. I hate
my life. There's a difference
At least you can change your life
And you can take your
other foot out of the closet
I'd chop it off first
So then we'd be the perfect pair
I'll tell my parents I'm gay
if you tell your
husband you 're leaving
How 'bout I tell your
folks you 're gay
and you tell my husband I'm leaving?
They'd never believe it
Neither would he
I'm serious
I've never done this part before
Yes, you have
That would be my mother calling
Bye
Hi
Hi
- Did you have fun at Denise's?
-Yeah. What are you doing?
I thought I'd cook for a change
Come
Let's do it
Let's have a baby
What?
We'll get the treatments,
we'll go for the In Vitro...
whatever it takes
Stop it
You make an appointment
those tests this week
And I'll stop riding bicycles
and wearing tighty whities
This isn't funny
I'm serious
But... it's too late
Then we'll adopt
Honey, I am so sorry
It just really hit me today
What?
That I'm losing you
Hey
I'm afraid this might be
all over the internet by now
O h, God
this to him. You know that
You've met my daughter Sandy
I said spice up the act...
I don't feel different
I don't feel gay whatever that means
Well, if you 're gonna slap a
label on it, it's called being bi
Gay, straight... she's gorgeous
And you don't have to
deal with your baby issues
which is probably another
part of the attraction
No, it's more than that
I'm sure it is.
But look at the timing
Have you ever been
attracted to a woman before?
Well... no
So... it's probably not
a coincidence. That's all
Honey, I hope you
put some sunscreen on
or you're gonna look like an
alligator bag before you 're 20
Are you freaked out?
Just a little
I'm not your girlfriend
Well, poop...
Tell Denise about the costumes?
No
She's gonna bring that guy from
the Lido down to see the act though
Great
We still need to
figure out what to wear
Yeah
So is that it?
Yeah. I'm the one that's
gonna get hurt, right?
No
Hey, girls
Hey, Jimmy
Let's ask him if we can
throw a party for the audition
There's only one way
this is gonna work
We should throw a party
for your birth day...
if you 're not in Vegas
No way
How 'bout seeing some friends?
We could have dinner
with Ken and Rebecca
- We haven't seen them in a while
- Yeah - Ok
David, I need to tell you something
We are not doing this here
Why'd you have to be
so fucking stupid?!
Can I take your order now?
Yes What are you having, sweetie?
I'll have, uh... a salad
Oh, c'mon, you can
have more than that
No, this is fine. This one
Okay. And you, sir?
Uh, let me take a quick look here
-David...
Just wait...
We have to talk
But first... I want
you to know something
I realize... I've been asleep
I realize I've been selfish
And I know I've
taken you for granted
And I'm sorry
But, please, let's not panic
I want you to know
I'm awake now
I will change
I'm sorry, too
But that's not the change I need
But I don't know
what that means for us
It means reinventing
our whole relations hip
That's what it means
That's what we should have done
every day we woke up together
If you get this gig in Vegas
you're goin' away anyway
So give us until then, at least
I'm still in love with you, Hawkins
Here's to you
Here's to your life
and it being whatever
you want it to be
Hey! Sorry I'm late. Thank
you so much for doing this
No problem. Denise is a
good friend of my mom's
- Is Serena here?
- Yeah
Oh
How's it fit?
- Nice!
- Nice!
Hey... You did it?
And everything's okay?
Wow... This is gonna
look awesome in lights
-You wearing the same sort of thing?
- Yeah - Cool! Cool!
Let's hit it
You?
Almost... It was too complicated
Too complicated?
Hey, Selena, can I get some shots
of you while she's getting dressed?
It's Serena
After the audition, I promise
I am so happy for you
Give me a couple of minutes
This is great!
Why don't you hop up and
we'll take some more shots
Nice
Nice!
Wow
Okay, let's see that smile
you had goin' on before
Good
Let's open your eyes a little
bit more this time, okay?
Okay, wider...
Open your eyes
I'm Asian, you idiot!
She's a beauty, anyway
C'mon, let's not get crushed
Well, I hope you like it
I had to divorce my third
husband to pay for it
Good... No pressure then
- They're here
-Are you sure?
The Hammer's here anyway
and I figured that guy
and I figured that guy
with her is from the Lido's
You nervous?
I'm excited
That's good 'cause I'm a wreck
Hi
Hey
You two haven't met yet, have you?
No, we haven't.
Just seen the poster
I'm David
Serena
Nice to meet you
Okay, we gotta go get changed
Right. "Break a leg"
"Break two legs"
Do it tonight
We nailed it!
Do it
I don't want to make a scene
Make a scene
On Sunday, when I can
talk to him alone, ok?
I owe him that
Jane's not here
Yeah. I know
Look, I don't know you, and I
don't know if you're gonna string me
a line of bullshit right now
What?
So I'm just gonna say... end it
We're trying to have a baby
And that's the most
important thing to her...
and to me
Didn't I tell you?
Especially Jane
Oh. She was the blonde, yeah?
Yeah. We go way back
Same gymnastic team
Thank you. Thank you.
Thanks for coming!
Bye
At 42 I'm thinking my body's
safely in retirement, you know?
And here she is, a year older,
and still bouncing off the walls
- You 're joking, aren't you?
- Nope
She's 43?
Isn't she amazing?
Puts me to shame
What?
Now would be a good time
to lie about your age, darling
I lie about my weight, not my age
Well, be that as it may...
43 is far too old for the Lido
Come in
You almost ready to go?
Oh, go ahead without me
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. I'll be right there
I am so proud of you
You were amazing tonight
Thank you
Ok. I'll see you back at home
Okay
Hey, where'd you go?
I've been looking for you everywhere
Call me
It's so hard to be
a mother these days
She's a smart girl.
She'll be all right
Yeah, but she's still my baby
I'm 28
Wow. Thank you, Julian
I don't think it'll be a problem.
We can... audition people down there
No, I understand...
She's... she's fine
Missed you
No one's as good as you, Jane...
even with the sandpaper hands
It's like being loofa'd
You can charge extra
Actually, it's not as bad as it was
Ow!
Hey Jane, it's Crystal
I've got a baby shower
to go to this Wednesday
so I'm wondering
if w e can reschedule
Let me help you out there
To chocolate, cheese, and booze
That's right, baby
though not necessarily in that order
You know you still got me, kid
- All right?
- Yeah
I love ya
I love you, too
Oh, wait!
Oop
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday!
Oh, cute
Sorry. I'm late
I pushed our
reservations back to 8:30
What are you doing?
I'm leaving
So where are you gonna go?
I don't know
You owe me a lot
But mostly you owe
me a massive apology
I'm sorry
No
Not once... not once did
I ever step out on you
So deal with that
I could have hopped into bed
with a couple of Asian babes, too
I am so sorry
That's the one I was looking for
How did you know?
But thanks for
the confirmation
Good thing I saved this
It was a really horrible thing to do
Hurt me? Honey, a man
turns his wife gay...
I'd rather you put
a bullet in my head
That's not what this is about
I don't have to
Everybody else will
It's gonna make a great story.
I can't wait to hear it
Then you tell
whatever story you want
Stop it!
Just get out
Get out!
You're really full of it
That whole thing about
wanting kids was bullshit
No, it wasn't
Yes it was! And I'll tell you why!
You would have never had kids
'cause it would have messed
with that precious physique of yours
And that's the sad truth, Jane
No. The truth is...
it was never clear to me
what I had to offer a child
And you know what, David?
It was never clear to you either.
your anti-depressants?
Yes
No other medications?
No
Well, I think it's
time we start looking
at some alternative therapies
And we'll need to bring
your husband in for those
It gets pretty expensive
from here on out, I'm afraid
I thought if I stayed in
shape I'd have more time
A lot of women make that mistake
Honey, this is grown up
time Leave mommy alone
Can I please have a massage? Please!
I said, no! Leave Mommy alone
Go on. Go!
Oh, can you please take
her with you when you leave?
I dreamt about the accident again
Only this time my brains
were smeared all over the road
This casting director is
a bitch with a capital C
Lay down
I'm just really nervous
Come to the audition with me
I can't
I have a new client this afternoon
Hi. It's Jane Hawkins
You can set up outside by the pool
What the hell are you
staying in shape for?
Denise?
It really is you
I got a referral and
it was the same name
and I had to know if it was you
O h, come press my laundry!
Sorry
Well, I understand why
you fell off the radar
Certainly marrying him
explains a thing or two
Well, you look like
you 've done all right
I divorced up
To... not-so-old friends
You obviously didn't get the memo
The memo?
You can come out now and start
eating chocolate, cheese...
I do
Well, somehow it's not
having the same effect
Oh, God
C'mon, I'll s how
you around the hovel
Back to the huddle
Just over nine minutes to
go... they need to score
This training system was
designed with one goal in mind:
To get you absolutely ripped
I don't mean to be the
nosy neighbor but...
is everything all right?
I'm fine
Okay... okay
NURTURING NATURE
Natural Fertility Solutions
I thought it would
be easy, you know?
I thought I could
make an accident happen
You did that, all
right. You married him
It's not his fault.
I'm the withered husk
You want kids, take mine
Ungrateful bastards, all of them
Expensive, too
Yeah, that's his argument
Don't put me in his
corner. He's an idiot
And so are you, Withered husk?
Eat some butter, for Christ's sake
You make me feel like
crap just looking at you
Sweetie, there's still
plenty of things you can do
with that husk of yours
Excuse me!
Yes?
I wanted to introduce myself.
My name is Nicole
Uh... Jane
Yeah... I know who you are
Can I ask you a question?
Okay
Are you afraid of heights?
H i, honey
Can you get us a
round of beers in here?
No, I'll get it
Hey, hot stuff?...
What'd you do today?
Walked in to a gym for
the first time in ten years
Been that long for me, too
Harder! Harder!
Harder! Harder!
NICOLE
555.0182
FAIS DODO
Hi
I'm sorry. I must have
the wrong place
No, you don't. I'm so
glad you could make it
Come on in
Serena, this is Jane
Jane, this is Serena
Serena's in my adult
class and kicking butt
That was beautiful
Thanks
Serena, could you step
on the ladder for me?
Sure
Okay, I want you to climb up
Okay
Start from a sitting
position on the floor
and don't use your legs
No legs
Here. Put some of this on first
Okay. Now get up
Go! Go! Get up! Get up!
Okay, I suck
No, that's all right. No
shame there. You 're good
Jane, you 're up
She's not Jane. She's Tarzan
She has the strength.
But you have the grace
Now if I can just
get the two of you
to rub off on each other,
you 'll have the whole package
And that's money in the bank
Nice
I'm sorry, I'm confused.
What are we doing?
Did n't tell you?
It's just a little thing called...
Showbiz!
Showbiz?
The idea is to get a job in Vegas
Oh, wow
So are you gonna do it?
I might... I've got a lot to learn
Gonna have to practice
almost every day
So you think you 'd
still have energy to run?
Well, aerials are all upper body
so the answer is yes
Got to keep the body balanced
Oh, you're balanced
You 're so sweet
No not sweet
I'm a bad-ass from
the wrong side of town
Yeah, you better run!
Respond to the fabric
Make wings and tap...
and then pull yourself up
You got it?
Can we take a break?
You don't even have to ask
As soon as you feel
weak let yourself down
The general rule is, if you
feel like you 're gonna fall...
you probably will
Fabric bite you?
Yeah. A little bit
Got to build up my call uses again
Fun!
What's with the hands?
It's like sandpaper
How's it hangin' over there?
Hey, everybody, say hey to Jimmy
He runs the place
Hey, Jimmy!
Ladies...
You 've got to try
to find a focal point
Try staring at your hands
You need a break?
No way
Can you use your hands?
Harder... A little harder
That's right?
Throw it over your left shoulder
Good. Now pull yourself up
How did you know
I was gonna love this?
When you came in that day
I could tell you had
some unfinished business
Sweet!
What's the date today?
I think it's the twelfth
Did you say something?
Oh, put that away, silly!
How's that feel?
I've made you keys in case you
ever want to run away from home
Yeah, I dug that up.
The Hawk and the Hammer
We made quite a pair...
Yeah, I was always the pretty one
But I always brought
home the hardware
Oh, who can be bothered
with all that bric-a-brac?
That's nice.
Where did you get that?
It was a gift... from
Denise Wingfield, actually
The Hammer? Jeez
want to see you either
She just bought a house in Malibu
There goes the neighborhood
Whoa... Where'd you get that?
Oh
And this?
You 've got to take that off
Why? It's beautiful
I'm serious. Take it off
No
People are gonna think I beat you
Please, find something else to wear
I beg you
What have you been
doing, stunt work?
That looks like a rug burn
Meaning what?
I don't know. You tell me
How would you get a rug burn?
It's a fabric burn
Nice distinction
David, please
So, who is it?
Is it Dan... the little weasel?
You 're about to feel really stupid
so mysterious about it
Can I just have one thing
that's not about us?
Sure
You have been all
over the map lately
Oh no, Serena, other leg
Honey, it's the other leg
Breathe in to my hand.
Breathe in to my hand
Just relax. You
knocked your wind out
You all right?
Everything still working?
Let's not make that
part of the act, okay
Okay
Want to try to get up?
Let's try
Okay
Our Vegas audition is next week
if we can manage not
to kill ourselves first
Well, I think you 're crackers
Oh, no, I gotta drive
Spend the night
Oh, yeah, love to
hear that conversation
You ought to give him
something to be jealous about
There's this guy that lives
next door who's kinda sweet
O h, please!
If you 're gonna step out,
expand your horizons a little
And?
Men are boring
Denise! When did this happen?
Between marriages
Sometimes during
I'm shocked
I don't see why
I seem to remember your tongue
in my mouth sophomore year
Oh, come on!
You can't count that!
Give a girl a
complex, why don't you!
Hey, you just missed 'em
What's that?
A bit of bad news. Nikky's
kid was in an accident...
so Serena's taking
her to the airport
O h, my God
Yeah, he lives with
his father in Atlanta
It sounded bad,
the way they ran outta here
One of them calls you never
wanna get, you know?
Yeah
Hey, if you 're not rehearsing,
can you take the stuff down?
Sure
David... I want to have a baby
It's now or never and
I'd rather it be now
Do you think you still can?
I don't know
There are some tests we
need to take. It's expensive
Why don't you just go off the
pill and we'll see what happens
I did
Do you have any idea
how completely selfish that is?
Not to mention how expensive
that could have been?
You all right?
What's that obnoxious thing
people do when a waiter
drops a glass?
They start clappin'
Hi, this is Serena.
I'm trying to reach Jane
I got your number
Hello? Hello? Hello?
Hi. How are you?
Yeah, I know. I spoke with
Nicole last week. Thank goodness
What's that?
Really?
And that's cool
with Jimmy?
Hello, Dan
There goes my rabbit!
Hey, check you out
Yeah, I got here early
I thought we'd play on this
side of the room for a change
Okay
Thanks for the call. Really
I won't go in to it, but I can
tell you your timing was perfect
So what should we do?
I don't know. Maybe stretch?
Right
I think that's right
Okay... get ready
to dial 9-1-1
Nice
Feel a little out of shape
Yeah, right
You want to throw it
over both legs first
That's it
What's up?
You were fine. The wrap was good
What's the matter?
I got spooked
It's because you fell
We can work low
That's a show-stopper
Just for now
I once slipped and straddled
the balance beam so hard
my cooter went up in my throat
Oi!
And when I could walk again,
my coach forced me
to get back on the beam, which
I swore I would never ever do
But I won nationals a few months
later, so I was glad he did
Uh-huh
Meaning get your ass back up there!
You don't have to climb
high Just do a single
Come on, get up there
You 're doing great
That's it
Wanna go higher?
No. I'm fine
Oh!
What was that?
Nothing
Do you live in a bad neighborhood?
Maybe we're aiming too high
Let's forget about Vegas
We should just try to
get a few gigs in town
I don't know. I'm thinking this
whole thing wasn't such a good idea
Hey, don't make me tell
the cooter story again!
Okay, I tell you what. I've got
something that's gonna be perfect
for those clients you mentioned
It's a yacht...
staffed by six hostesses
who take care of the needs
of up to four male guests
And once it reaches
international waters
it becomes a floating casino, and
whatever else you want it to be
"Whatever happens off-shore,
stays off-shore!"
Right
two, three, four, five...
Yes!
Five! That's getting better
I suck!
Keep your legs tight when
you 're in the straddle
then lower your body straight
Go slow
That's good
Yeah!
Do it again
I'm stuck
Six, seven, eight
Good!
We need an act
We need Nicole
You 're a dancer.
Choreograph something
Hah!
Come on. Rise up, girlfriend
I'm so sore!
Sorry. I got lost in the count
You 'll get it
I think we need a gimmick
You mean besides
the token Asian thing
Way besides that
We could do it nude
Maybe not
We could both get
in the same hammock
We could do porting moves
It's a hand grip, like this
Here, do this.
Now grab my wrists
See, you hang on to me,
I hang on to you
It's solid
Cool
I got ya
Do you want to go upside down?
I so have you
Gorgeous!
Do you want to do one arm?
- Can you?
- I got you
Can you grab me by the waist?
Give me your hand
Nice. Are you okay?
Yeah
What now?
Arch up
Should we sit?
I've got to save some energy
for the benefit tonight
Can you break it down?
Yes
You 're still coming tonight?
Yeah
Wow, look at you.
You 're on the ball
You know we don't have
to be there until 8:30
What's wrong?
I messed up
What?
Jane, we had a plan
Look, I said I'm sorry
But I think I can
miss one company party
They're gonna give me an award
Oh. What is it?
I don't know. Something
stupid, probably
Well, congratulations
That's great, Jane. Just great!
Thank you very, very much
Hey!
were gonna make it
How are you doin'?
Good to see you
Jane!
You were so beautiful.
I just wish Nicole had seen you
Oh, look at you. You 're stunning
I feel a little overdressed
No, you 're gorgeous
Honey, let me just
grab you for a sec
There are some people
I need you to meet
Okay, you were great!
I'll see you Monday
Hey! Hey!
You 've never seen
my house before!
No, I haven't
Wanna check it out?
It's not far
- Okay
- Okay
- Follow me
- Ok
You live alone?
Yes
know dancers made that much
It helps if you're a
soloist in a company
Which you were?
Yes
But not anymore?
No
These are my babies
You met her
Is she a switchblade?
Not quite
Switchblades are spring-loaded,
which makes them illegal
This one is spring-assisted
Ah
This one... she's a switchblade
All right, you have to
explain it to me again
What?
About the knives
I just like them
Go deeper, please?
It's beautiful
It's a weapon
It's art
It's a beautifully artful weapon
Exactly
Have you ever had to use it?
Just did
I mean on people who
aren't made of cheese
No
A therapist would have
a field day with this
Here. Open it
It is beautiful
Now close it
Clip it to your pants
No, on the inside
- How does it feel?
- I don't know
like, you don't
want to mess with me?
Right
Uh... I'm gonna get some water
Do you want some?
No, I'm good
Hey, you know, I'm just
gonna head out. It's late
It sticks
Okay, well....
I'll see you Monday
You were great
Is that a knife in your pocket
or are you just happy to see me?
Oh, sorry. Here
Keep it
Really?
Yeah
Okay
- I'll see you Monday
- Ok
Bye
Hey
I had it off for the performance
So, I was wondering if
you might wanna go out
and have a drink sometime
Not like a date, of course.
Just give us a chance
to have a conversation
without hyperventilation
That's sweet, Dan
No, not sweet
Not sweet
Here, wait
It's just...
I hear the fights and I feel bad
And I wanna help out, if I can...
if you want to talk
Thank you. That's nice
No, no, it's not nice
I'm asking you out on a date...
because your husband
treats you like crap
And I know that
you're extraordinary
I am not a nice man
But I am a nice guy, so...
All right
I'll go out with you if
and when you can catch me
No!
Another beautiful Sunday in LA...
unless you're driving on the
405, where it is just ugly
A more complete check on traffic
and weather right after this
Wow
So this is what you 've been up to
Yeah
Keep going
I'm beat
All right
You make it look so easy
Hey. Just calling to say hi
and see what you were doing
Okay, bye
It's Jane, by the way
Okay, bye!
So after waiting
two hours to take off
and unbelievable turbulence,
we have to wait 45 minutes
on the ground before we
can pull up to the gate
And then it took another
hour and a half to get home
Ground control to Major Hawkins
What's that?
Look, honey, if you 're gonna drink
my booze you gotta hear my bullshit
Sorry
Is this too high?
No
That's our cue
If I put my arm under there
Can you move from there?
Okay, let's try now
I am so sorry!
I don't know what I'm doing.
I am sorry. Are you okay?
No!
It will never happen again
I'm not, uhm, gay
just so you know
Well, I am
Oh
You thought I was straight?
I just thought
you were beautiful
A tourist checking out the scenery
No
Okay
You 're married. We've got that
And you think you're straight
So let's just leave it there
Okay
Okay
Please tell me what's going on
Nothing
I'm just training hard
Beautiful, you guys!
- I'm very impressed
- Thank you
When you perform it you
'll be higher up, right?
Yes
Then the only thing I
would say is spice it up
It needs a kiss in there somewhere
Oh. I don't know
Do it. Trust me, it'll slay 'em
Well, I could watch you two all day
but I've got a plane to catch
Thanks for coming b y
Listen, I'll be in New
York until Monday so...
you 've got the keys, right?
Serena, it's so nice
to meet you, finally
You are beyond gorgeous
At 42 I'm thinking my
body's safely in retirement
and here she is, a year older,
still bouncing off the walls
I love you... I hate you
See you next week
Great stuff!
You are not 43
In a month
Okay. You 're my hero
Hey!
What if I could get you an
audition for the Lido in Vegas?
- You 're kidding!
- You could do that?
Well, if you sex it up,
I think you 'd be perfect
- What about costumes?
- We haven't got there yet
I'll work on it
Gotta go. Bye!
Vegas? Yeah!
You still okay with this?
As long as it's part of the act
Good
I'm not enjoying this
You are higher up though
Hey
Do you want to go out friday night?
You mean socialize?
Yeah. See a movie or something
I have a better idea
What you do?
You a mess
I say turnover!
How come you don't speak Korean?
I'm adopted
I haven't been to
Korea since I was two
Oh
And my folks are more likely to
speak Yiddish around the house
What?
I had you pegged for an O'Brien
You are so in the wrong
part of town right now
You don't know jack about Asians
You really do all look alike
There are many shades
of yellow, big nose
Hey
I know Japanese girls
with whiter skin than you
Flips got the juicy booty
Filipinos
Koreans got the high
cheekbones, like so
Cambodians have
teeth like the Brits
and the Chinese have
the big noses, poor bastards
What else?
Korean ladies throw much attitude
And are shocked by pierced nipples
A good ice-breaker with
a Japanese girl is to say
"O nada ooksigh," and make a face
It means stinky smell.
They love their fart jokes
But you're a Jap
Jewish Asian Princess
Was that your attempt at a joke?
'Ca use I'll cut you.
I will cut you
Here have some Kim-Chee
Who's that?
Oh my God, no
If you learn this trick, you 'll
never have to stand in line again
You 've got to be kidding
Push your hips forward. Way forward
There ya go
Wass up!
So your parents don't
know you 're gay?
How's that work?
Not so great
What would happen if you told them?
C'mon...
It's fine
They're just so old now
Okay, Goldilocks
Well, that was fun
Yeah
Shame we can't rehearse
the ending right now
Yeah. You want to?
Hell no.
You know the rules
I know, but...
Out of my car, bitch
Hey what are you doing tomorrow?
Whatcha' got?
Whoa! This girl is hooked up
How's that?
That's good!
How do I look?
You look good
Oh, God!
Room number 29
I like it
I could live here
Oh, I know
I've got to show you something
Come on
Are you kidding me?!
Party!
It's my birth day!
Oh, yeah!
What movies they got?
What did you pick?
How do you work all this stuff?
Back here
Get the lights! Get the lights!
Focus
Down in front
a terrible blow forth is young woman
And it's a devastating
loss
for the American team
going into these games
She 's our best gymnast,
Don. This is tragic
You can see the trainers
performing what's called
a Thompson Test
so it's probably
her Achilles, right?
Right, and you don't
come back from that
You can see the look on her face
She knows it
It's all the more tragic because
she couldn't compete
in the 1980 games
- Because of the boycott
- That's right
And we thought that washer year then
It washer year then
These games were hers,
I think, also. And you know?
And she told me before these
games that she felt like
an arrow that had been pulled
back but never released
and that this washer chance
And it doesn't look like
she's going to get that release
I don't see how it's
possible at this point
She 's already 22 years...
I love scars
Figures goes with the knives
You just saw what I'm famous for
No
It was in every newspaper,
on magazine covers...
Turn on the TV and there I was,
flopping on the mat
Lieee
And you know, I used to think
that was the worst thing
that ever happened
tome until I had my
"Oops, I forgot to have
a baby," moment
When did you have that?
All the time
Can I ask you something?
Is my pool heated?
Come on!
You know, those
costumes will never work
I hate to tell Denise
Yeah, but you guys are really tight
We were
She loathes David. So
we lost touch for a while
What'd he do?
He knocked her up freshman year
Really?!
Look, it floats
When did you hook up with him?
Oh, years after...
after the scar
We made a perfect pair, really
He wanted to be a big football star
Boy, it really has been
all downhill since college
I think I smell self-hatred
With that little nose?
of closeted lesbians everywhere
You can't hate yourself
You 're too magnificent
Look who's talking
I don't hate myself. I hate
my life. There's a difference
At least you can change your life
And you can take your
other foot out of the closet
I'd chop it off first
So then we'd be the perfect pair
I'll tell my parents I'm gay
if you tell your
husband you 're leaving
How 'bout I tell your
folks you 're gay
and you tell my husband I'm leaving?
They'd never believe it
Neither would he
I'm serious
I've never done this part before
Yes, you have
That would be my mother calling
Bye
Hi
Hi
- Did you have fun at Denise's?
-Yeah. What are you doing?
I thought I'd cook for a change
Come
Let's do it
Let's have a baby
What?
We'll get the treatments,
we'll go for the In Vitro...
whatever it takes
Stop it
You make an appointment
those tests this week
And I'll stop riding bicycles
and wearing tighty whities
This isn't funny
I'm serious
But... it's too late
Then we'll adopt
Honey, I am so sorry
It just really hit me today
What?
That I'm losing you
Hey
I'm afraid this might be
all over the internet by now
O h, God
this to him. You know that
You've met my daughter Sandy
I said spice up the act...
I don't feel different
I don't feel gay whatever that means
Well, if you 're gonna slap a
label on it, it's called being bi
Gay, straight... she's gorgeous
And you don't have to
deal with your baby issues
which is probably another
part of the attraction
No, it's more than that
I'm sure it is.
But look at the timing
Have you ever been
attracted to a woman before?
Well... no
So... it's probably not
a coincidence. That's all
Honey, I hope you
put some sunscreen on
or you're gonna look like an
alligator bag before you 're 20
Are you freaked out?
Just a little
I'm not your girlfriend
Well, poop...
Tell Denise about the costumes?
No
She's gonna bring that guy from
the Lido down to see the act though
Great
We still need to
figure out what to wear
Yeah
So is that it?
Yeah. I'm the one that's
gonna get hurt, right?
No
Hey, girls
Hey, Jimmy
Let's ask him if we can
throw a party for the audition
There's only one way
this is gonna work
We should throw a party
for your birth day...
if you 're not in Vegas
No way
How 'bout seeing some friends?
We could have dinner
with Ken and Rebecca
- We haven't seen them in a while
- Yeah - Ok
David, I need to tell you something
We are not doing this here
Why'd you have to be
so fucking stupid?!
Can I take your order now?
Yes What are you having, sweetie?
I'll have, uh... a salad
Oh, c'mon, you can
have more than that
No, this is fine. This one
Okay. And you, sir?
Uh, let me take a quick look here
-David...
Just wait...
We have to talk
But first... I want
you to know something
I realize... I've been asleep
I realize I've been selfish
And I know I've
taken you for granted
And I'm sorry
But, please, let's not panic
I want you to know
I'm awake now
I will change
I'm sorry, too
But that's not the change I need
But I don't know
what that means for us
It means reinventing
our whole relations hip
That's what it means
That's what we should have done
every day we woke up together
If you get this gig in Vegas
you're goin' away anyway
So give us until then, at least
I'm still in love with you, Hawkins
Here's to you
Here's to your life
and it being whatever
you want it to be
Hey! Sorry I'm late. Thank
you so much for doing this
No problem. Denise is a
good friend of my mom's
- Is Serena here?
- Yeah
Oh
How's it fit?
- Nice!
- Nice!
Hey... You did it?
And everything's okay?
Wow... This is gonna
look awesome in lights
-You wearing the same sort of thing?
- Yeah - Cool! Cool!
Let's hit it
You?
Almost... It was too complicated
Too complicated?
Hey, Selena, can I get some shots
of you while she's getting dressed?
It's Serena
After the audition, I promise
I am so happy for you
Give me a couple of minutes
This is great!
Why don't you hop up and
we'll take some more shots
Nice
Nice!
Wow
Okay, let's see that smile
you had goin' on before
Good
Let's open your eyes a little
bit more this time, okay?
Okay, wider...
Open your eyes
I'm Asian, you idiot!
She's a beauty, anyway
C'mon, let's not get crushed
Well, I hope you like it
I had to divorce my third
husband to pay for it
Good... No pressure then
- They're here
-Are you sure?
The Hammer's here anyway
and I figured that guy
and I figured that guy
with her is from the Lido's
You nervous?
I'm excited
That's good 'cause I'm a wreck
Hi
Hey
You two haven't met yet, have you?
No, we haven't.
Just seen the poster
I'm David
Serena
Nice to meet you
Okay, we gotta go get changed
Right. "Break a leg"
"Break two legs"
Do it tonight
We nailed it!
Do it
I don't want to make a scene
Make a scene
On Sunday, when I can
talk to him alone, ok?
I owe him that
Jane's not here
Yeah. I know
Look, I don't know you, and I
don't know if you're gonna string me
a line of bullshit right now
What?
So I'm just gonna say... end it
We're trying to have a baby
And that's the most
important thing to her...
and to me
Didn't I tell you?
Especially Jane
Oh. She was the blonde, yeah?
Yeah. We go way back
Same gymnastic team
Thank you. Thank you.
Thanks for coming!
Bye
At 42 I'm thinking my body's
safely in retirement, you know?
And here she is, a year older,
and still bouncing off the walls
- You 're joking, aren't you?
- Nope
She's 43?
Isn't she amazing?
Puts me to shame
What?
Now would be a good time
to lie about your age, darling
I lie about my weight, not my age
Well, be that as it may...
43 is far too old for the Lido
Come in
You almost ready to go?
Oh, go ahead without me
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. I'll be right there
I am so proud of you
You were amazing tonight
Thank you
Ok. I'll see you back at home
Okay
Hey, where'd you go?
I've been looking for you everywhere
Call me
It's so hard to be
a mother these days
She's a smart girl.
She'll be all right
Yeah, but she's still my baby
I'm 28
Wow. Thank you, Julian
I don't think it'll be a problem.
We can... audition people down there
No, I understand...
She's... she's fine
Missed you
No one's as good as you, Jane...
even with the sandpaper hands
It's like being loofa'd
You can charge extra
Actually, it's not as bad as it was
Ow!
Hey Jane, it's Crystal
I've got a baby shower
to go to this Wednesday
so I'm wondering
if w e can reschedule
Let me help you out there
To chocolate, cheese, and booze
That's right, baby
though not necessarily in that order
You know you still got me, kid
- All right?
- Yeah
I love ya
I love you, too
Oh, wait!
Oop
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday!
Oh, cute
Sorry. I'm late
I pushed our
reservations back to 8:30
What are you doing?
I'm leaving
So where are you gonna go?
I don't know
You owe me a lot
But mostly you owe
me a massive apology
I'm sorry
No
Not once... not once did
I ever step out on you
So deal with that
I could have hopped into bed
with a couple of Asian babes, too
I am so sorry
That's the one I was looking for
How did you know?
But thanks for
the confirmation
Good thing I saved this
It was a really horrible thing to do
Hurt me? Honey, a man
turns his wife gay...
I'd rather you put
a bullet in my head
That's not what this is about
I don't have to
Everybody else will
It's gonna make a great story.
I can't wait to hear it
Then you tell
whatever story you want
Stop it!
Just get out
Get out!
You're really full of it
That whole thing about
wanting kids was bullshit
No, it wasn't
Yes it was! And I'll tell you why!
You would have never had kids
'cause it would have messed
with that precious physique of yours
And that's the sad truth, Jane
No. The truth is...
it was never clear to me
what I had to offer a child
And you know what, David?
It was never clear to you either.