The Hollywood Turk (2019) Movie Script
The Hollywood Turk
Yes, see you bro.
Take care. Ciao.
Oops. Oh, I'm sorry.
t's fine.
Can I get you a new coffee?
Don't bother, thanks.
would have asked you
out for a coffee anyway
and now that I've spilled
yours it's the least I can do.
Thanks.
Damn, I have to go to a casting.
Casting? Are you an actor?
Yes.
Cool and what's the movie about?
t's about a businessman
whose customers don't pay.
Got it, and you play
the businessman?
So to speak.
Look, I have to go,
but I would like
to see you again.
Tell me your name first?
Alper. As in al Pacino.
Are you Turkish?
No, I'm Mexican.
Alper is the most common
name after Gonzales.
Really?
No, I'm Turkish.
Sorry, but I've
stopped dating Turks.
Why not?
Because you always try to get
a girl into bed on the first date.
You seem nice and all that, but
I'm done with that kind of thing.
Hey, come on!
'm not that bad.
Okay, Ali. Time is money.
So you are Ali sh.Tf.Cker?
No.
'm alper.
And my surname is
pronounced katsch-fi-kir.
Anyway, tell that to the camera.
Camera rolling. And action.
Hi, my name is alper kacfikir
and I'm an actor from Berlin and...
Ok, that's enough...
Let's do the scene.
'll read the other part.
"Oh, hakan, what
a nice coincidence
to meet you in the library. Are you
also studying German literature?"
"Hey Philip,
why you always avoiding me
farthead. You got my money?
You don't have my money?
But you got money
for everyone else?
Don't you have any respect?
'll sh. T in your mother, man!"
Do I have to say it like in
the script or can I improvise?
What do you dislike
about my text?
Sorry, I didn't
mean to be negative,
it's just that no turk would
say "I'll sh. T in your mother".
Mr. Sh.Tf.Cker.
Just say the lines as written.
Everything else, the
director will tell you.
Of course, no
problem. 'll do it.
Once more...
From "you don't have my money"!
"You don't have my money?"
No, no more Turkish.
- "You don't have my money?"
- More aggressive.
- Yo don't have ma money?
- More Turkish and aggressive
- yo don't have ma money?
- More aggressive.
- Don't you has any respect, man?
- No, not like that.
sh. T in yo motha, man!
- sh. T in yo motha, man!
- No.
sh. T in yo motha, man!
No, I'm not feeling it.
That's not real.
That's not real at all.
Mr. Sh.Tf.Cker
go visit kreuzberg
and study the people.
Or... what's it called...
"Turkish for beginners"
that's it... They have
some good Turks.
Should I try it
differently once more?
No, thank you,
Mr. Sh.Tf.Cker, that's enough.
Peace be upon you, son.
You still trying to be the oldest
unsuccessful actor in Berlin?
Dad, I'm trying,
but it's just hard.
Son, as a turk, the
only roles you'll get are
drug dealers, Muslim terrorists,
and if not that,
then you play a gay.
When are you going
to get your first role?
had a casting
today. We'll see.
And what kind of role?
t was a successful
Turkish businessman.
Like your uncle:
Fruit-and-veg huseyin?
Almost like that. He also
deals with green stuff.
Hopefully, son.
But if not, you'll start
with insurance-ahmet.
He still has my
chainsaw usama 9/11.
Daddy, you don't say usama 911
but usa-ma mod. 911.
For me, she is usama 911
because she can fell every tree.
And go to Friday prayers again.
Don't forget your culture
and religion, my son.
Thank god your poor mother doesn't
have to experience this anymore.
May god bless her.
n the name of god, the most
gracious, the most merciful.
Praise be to Allah,
the lord of the universe.
The most gracious,
the most merciful.
Master of the day of judgment.
You alone we worship, and
you alone we ask for help.
Guide us the straight path.
The path of those on whom
you have bestowed your grace,
not of those who earned wrath,
nor of those who have gone astray.
Amen.
My little hero
Awesome, bro. Nobody
straightens hair like you.
That's what you get
growing up with 4 older
sisters all working as hairstylists.
Yes.
don't like to say it,
but you should think about
becoming a hairdresser.
No way. That's such
a gay profession.
Well, you got a point there.
Bro, "deutsche and albana",
seriously the best fragrance
and the best designers.
- How're you doing bro?
- All fine bro and you?
Which Turkish drug
dealer says farthead?
That's what I told
those morons too.
Maybe they just want you
to keep your mouth shut.
Maybe they don't
want a smart ass.
What am I supposed to do,
when they tell me a turk says
"I sh. T in yo mother, man!"
Let's change the subject.
Where are we heading tonight?
To the "10.000". All
the hot chicks are there.
Guys, I can't come along. have
to sort flyers and do a few things
at my dad's print shop.
Dude, no way. We
are the Jacksons.
"Veri", "gidi" and
"siki Jackson".
Right and the Jacksons
always perform together. Unless
you're Michael. But
he can't be Michael.
Why can't I be Michael?
You want to know why
you can't be Michael?
Because I'm already Michael.
But why don't you tell
us about your great idea?
- want to print stickers.
- Stickers?
"Turkish player delight 36"
I want one like that. Then all
the models will know who I am.
No, man. "Cay power". Cay, cay.
A billion people drink cay.
The Chinese not included.
f only one percent
buys the sticker, then...
You'll be a billionaire!
"Cay power"
it's a good idea. But you
still have to come along.
Guys, I want to make
money. Take girls out.
But not with a cheap kebab menu.
Bro, why do you worry so much?
Alper is gonna be a famous
actor and then the girls will come.
But not in Germany,
where the most famous
turk is a half-tunesian.
What, erdogan is half-tunesian?
Not erdogan. The
most famous TV-turk.
Kaya yanar?
Never mind!
Bro, why are you
doing this sh. T?
Movies, bro.
Only movies will make you
immortal. And that's why I'm doing this.
And who is gonna give you
such a role? A Philip or a Daniel?
Well, that's how it is when Philips
and Daniels write about us Turks.
But I'm going to change that.
'm going to be the first
Turkish, Muslim superhero.
Os-man.
The first super turk
with franchise guarantee.
And who is going
to give you that role?
've no idea.
First, I just need
a little demo tape.
With that, I get
to the agencies.
And the agencies will send me to
castings. Then I'll work my way up.
Why don't you just
go to drama school?
500-600 Euros per month
for a private drama school.
Do you have 500-600 Euros
per month? Well, me neither.
Then go to a state drama school.
Did Stallone or Schwarzenegger
go to drama school?
don't want to be a theatre fag
who runs naked on stage, screaming.
The teachers are all failed assholes
who just want to ruin your life.
f it's not that, they want your
ass. And if not your ass, it's the girls.
What? Both?
For them a good actor
has to be at least bi.
Or better yet: Tri.
Tri? What is that?
t means you're
down for everything.
Fifi! Let's party!
Hi.
Know what that means? First
round of "skinny bitches" is on you.
Relax. Nothing is decided yet.
The second round is going to
be much harder than the first.
have to create an audiovisual
portrait of an immigrant
from the working class, in reference
to the Italian Neo-realism of the 50s.
What?
A video about a
working class immigrant.
- Exciting.
- Yes.
thought maybe an Italian?
Why Italian? Can't it
be any other immigrant?
Yes, but in the end, only Turks
will show up and I don't want that.
Hi, where are you
beauties going tonight?
Not where you guys are going.
But you don't know
where we're going.
Sorry guys, but get lost.
Tonight is ladies' night and
you're definitely too hairy for that.
Come on Laura,
let's go to the club.
Wait a minute. We're not
that bad. Just give us a chance.
'd love to, but my boyfriend
will be here any minute.
Your boyfriend, yeah right.
There you are.
You kept us waiting?
Hey, can you pretend to
be my boyfriend, please?
Hi honey,
sorry I'm late,
but we had to attend
anger management classes.
Are they friends of yours?
No, we just asked
what time it is.
t depends.
f you leave now it's
not too late, I guess.
Of course. We should've
already been gone.
We have to go right now. Come
on, you moron. told you we're late.
Thank you, guys. Some men
just don't get it the polite way.
Where are you heading to?
No offense, but we just
want to party with girls tonight.
Come on, we just saved you.
What do we have to do
now? Go out with you?
Aren't there any
gentlemen left in this world?
Come on Laura. Let's go.
We are gentlemen.
Don't be like that.
We can all party together.
We're really nice guys.
Didn't you need an
immigrant for your movie?
Yes, but not that one.
Good evening.
Are you all together?
No, just the two of us.
- Enjoy your evening.
- Thank you.
Maybe we'll see each
other inside. Thanks again.
Sorry guys, but three men
without female company.
No problem, we know a
colleague of yours. Berkan!
'm a good friend of huseyin.
Oh, huseyin.
Yes, huseyin.
Huseyin, yes.
Huseyin no longer works here.
He let too many "friends" in.
Now we have Horst.
Good thing about Horst.
Horst has no friends.
Actually it's
not like we're that close.
We're not getting in
because we're Turks, right?
Exactly.
Listen, guys...
'm Turkish, too.
understand you.
But this "poor-me-discriminated-turk"
trick doesn't work.
A club can only have 4
Turks for every 100 Germans.
A club full of Turks and not enough
women. That never ends well.
Friedrichstrasse station
talian wanted
I just hope no perverts
show up for this.
Don't you like it
a bit perverted?
Sophie, how dare you?
Come on, let's go.
Come on, let's get
some ice cream.
Good idea!
Doing good?
Bene bene, tutto bene.
So, what did those girls want?
They wanted to put up a note.
They're looking for
an Italian for a movie.
But a real Italian.
Not for you my friend.
Whoa! You want to do what?
Aynen John waynen! 'm
gonna pose as an Italian.
A turk pretending to be
an Italian. How original.
Why don't you do a
demo tape yourself?
Can you edit? You have a
camera? Know how expensive it is?
With my iPhone
zero Euros. For free.
At least 1000 Euros. They certainly
don't want a shaky iPhone video.
- Seriously? So much?
- Yes, bro!
Sounds like a real business.
Maybe I'll get on board.
But wait, wait, wait...
You've never posed as an
Italian. You don't know how it works.
That's why I need you.
You have to help me
play my first big role.
The birth of Alberto giandolce.
That's why I'm appointing
you two to be my consultants.
Benito and genaro.
But consultant or not. Both
have to pay respect to the "Don".
Get outta here, Don. You're
"Don underpants" at the most.
Almost, almost.
f you're going
to do it, do it right.
sn't that a sin, man?
Dude, Jesus, god
bless him, can't be a sin.
He is playing a role.
f so he wouldn't be
allowed to lie either.
'm Alberto now. Not alper.
And Alberto wears
a cross. Naturally.
My name is
Alberto.
Where in Italy do your
parents come from?
From roma?
Every Albanian
says he is from roma.
Please, think of something else.
Corleone?
Who is the president of Italy?
That's easy, I know it.
Silvio ber... tolucci.
No, bro. That's
not it. t's different.
- Something with "m".
- Yes...
Mussolini. Silvio Mussolini.
Damn it. That's him. Bunga,
bunga. Silvio Mussolini...
You passed the test. You
couldn't be better prepared.
Thank you, guys.
have an appointment.
f you know what I mean.
Casting: Room 103
Casting: Room 703
Casting: Room 703
who is here for the casting?
You?
Here?
Don't tell me you're
doing the casting.
Yes, I am. No one else here?
don't know. just arrived
and nobody was here.
Any hard feelings
about the other night?
Why should I?
Let's go inside.
By the way, I am Sophie schadohw.
Can you introduce yourself?
'm Alberto giandolce.
And what do you do, Alberto?
Besides being enchanted by you?
Yes, apart from that?
work as a waiter in
an Italian restaurant.
That's where I
discovered your note.
But actually I'm an actor.
Would you have time
in the next 2 weeks?
'll take the time.
Bona sera. 'm Giancarlo
and very interested
in the project.
think I'm a good example for
the new generation of Italians.
study literature
and political science
and am striving for
an academic career.
Very well, Giancarlo.
But now, let's put that aside
and imagine you're an Italian
worker in a printing shop.
And you have to sort flyers.
The flyers for the Turkish
wedding to the right
the flyers for the Turkish
circumcision to the left.
The circumcision...
You got 2 minutes.
Camera rolling.
Action.
have to do a portrait for my
application to the art academy
and accompany an Italian
for 2 weeks with my camera.
A documentary that
is reflected in the arts.
What are your interests?
Besides beautiful women,
my passion is acting.
want to become a
big, well-known actor.
Have you ever considered
toning it down a bit?
Do you think I talk too loud?
Well, Alberto, could you write
down your number for me?
thought you'd never ask.
f I should choose you
amongst all the applicants,
I'll get in touch with you.
Ok, beautiful.
Maybe we can get
a coffee tomorrow.
Nothing personal.
Awesome. Thank you,
guys. That went well.
Not only do I have my demo
tape in 2 weeks. The girl is hot too.
Don't sh. T where you eat, ok!
One second guys.
Do you think she'll choose you?
Dude, who can resist me?
- Get outta here.
- Get out yourself.
Hey guys, wait.
Normally I would run
in the opposite direction
but for this project, he is
unfortunately, the ideal cast...
But was nobody else there?
don't understand it either.
What a shame.
'd thought amongst
all those styled Italians
I might meet a hairdresser
for my planned salon.
Did you do graduate for this?
To open a hairdresser salon?
think you should
do what you love.
And if this guy fits,
why not take him.
Maybe you're right.
Guys, I have good news.
What's the matter?
Did your parents reveal to
you that wrestling is fake?
Here.
"Gay power"? What
happened to "cay power"?
shouldn't have chatted
with a girl during designing.
But look at the positive. Gays
are the more affluent target group.
- Your type will be the hit.
- Kiss my ass.
You see? That
would be a great intro.
Gay power, that's too
cool. Give me some more.
Who thought gay and cay
are so close to each other.
What news do you have?
n two weeks I'll have my
demo. The girl chose me.
Seriously, bro?
- So cool!
- Really cool, bro.
- Chill, bro.
- Ok.
We should celebrate!
- We need to celebrate!
- Definitely.
- Cola light for everyone?
- Fiko!
Ciao Bella. Have you
been here for long?
You're 30 minutes late.
Didn't you want to
be here at 14:50?
was. At the train station. didn't
know it takes so long to walk here.
Ok, let's get started.
Stand next to the tree,
so the monument
is in the background.
And talk about yourself.
Who you are. What you
do and what goals you have.
Sure.
Ok.
Should I look to you
or into the camera?
Look at me.
That's not hard to do.
'm Alberto giandolce
an Italian and actor.
My parents are from
corleone. That's in Italy.
Surprise!
Daddy, what are you doing here?
thought you were arriving tonight?
Laura told us where you are, we
let ourselves in and mama is cooking.
Mama is cooking at my place?
We thought it would be a
good idea to fill your fridge.
Who do we have here?
That's Alberto.
'm doing a portrait of him
for my art academy application.
Alberto this is my father, Fritz
schadohw!
Pleased to meet you.
So you're supporting my
daughter's artistic ambitions?
She's supporting me
too. get a great portrait.
Great, let's go.
Dad...
had an appointment with Alberto.
don't want to send him home now..
Then we'll take Alberto with us.
Your mom is cooking
Italian anyway.
Young man, what do you think?
can't resist Italian cuisine
but I don't want to intrude either.
Your daughter and I only have
a professional working relation.
Nonsense, there's still enough
time for recordings. You come along.
Now we've handled
this. Let's go.
Hi Alberto
nice to have you with
us. hope you're hungry.
'm starving. Didn't even
have time for breakfast.
Great. Today we're
having scaloppine.
love scaloppine.
So the men can take a seat
and Sophie you can
help me in the kitchen?
Ok.
Take a seat, young man.
Are you often in Berlin?
A few times a year.
We own a few tenements and
need to be present sometimes.
As you know: When the
cat is away the mice will play.
And right now a lot of
Turkish mice are playing.
What do you mean?
We're having problems with Turkish
tenants who won't pay their rent.
always tell my friends:
Never do business with Turks.
ndeed.
Don't eat pigs
but live like pigs.
Luckily the Italians are better.
You can tell the
difference immediately.
Really?
Of course, when I
look at you for example,
I can tell immediately
you are not a turk.
Really?
Now, it's lunchtime.
Looks great.
Thank you, my child.
f you don't want
to spread bad vibes,
then you'd better
praise my mother's food.
Scaloppine, when was the
last time I had a veal schnitzel.
prefer to do
scaloppine with pork.
Oh really?
Veal is mostly too dry.
Let's get started.
May I wash my hands?
The rest room is at
the end of the corridor.
Thank you. 'll be right back.
Damn berkan, if I don't eat this
pig my whole cover will be blown
and on top Sophie's
mother won't like me.
Eating pork is mega haram.
Haram or not. This
is about life and death.
My future is at stake.
And when I say my future I
mean your future as well. Capisce?
Do you know by any chance,
whether it's a helal pig?
A helal pig?
What the hell is a helal pig?
A pig that converted to
islam before it got slaughtered.
Seriously, dude?
f it's a matter of life and
death, I think you can eat it.
- Really?
- think so.
But I guess that applies more to
being in the desert
and having no food
and your life depending on it.
But I am not a
hundred percent sure.
've been in the
desert for years, son.
The casting desert.
This is my chance.
Take care, bro.
Dear god, please forgive me.
The scaloppine from pork.
'm excited to
hear your verdict.
Eat up!
You really are hungry.
Don't forget your culture
and religion, my son.
What's the matter?
Too much salt?
Eating this
reminds me of my dad
and where I come from.
Really? Now I'm flattered.
You don't have to
exaggerate that much.
'll get you another piece.
No, I have to take care of my
body. Because of my profession.
What is your profession?
'm an actor.
Really? At which bar?
- Fritz, come on!
- What?
That's alright. A little
fun never hurt anyone.
But in my case, it's not
a bar but a restaurant.
Have you done
anything well known?
Yes a few, I was in
"lousy times, bad times".
watch that sometimes.
You take what you
get in the beginning.
My friend arno, the
director. As far as I know,
he is looking for a
southern type for a movie.
could recommend you.
That would be
really nice of you.
No big deal for someone
who is such a fan of my food.
'll be right back.
Cem what's up?
Berkan told me you had pork?
Damn, did you have
to remind me again?
- You need to throw up immediately.
- What?
Yes, otherwise it's a sin.
But berkan told me in case
of an emergency it's ok?
Yes, but this is not an emergency.
Just do it before it's too late.
sn't this haram
thing a bit overrated?
We're not supposed to have girls
before our wedding either, right?
Yes, but when you do
something wrong in one area,
you have to make up for it
in another. That evens it out.
Where did you get this
wisdom from? The Internet?
Hey, all Turks do it like that.
While Sophie and
I clean the kitchen,
you take care of
our guest, Fritz.
Yeah.
Well, Alberto, what
really interests me:
How do you evaluate Italy's
policy concerning Europe?
Let me be frank, I'm a
huge supporter of Mussolini.
Really?
Of course, he made a few mistakes,
the thing with the girls and such.
But overall he did a good job.
Like most of our family,
I stand behind him.
always say: Better we stand
behind him, than him behind us.
We Germans still
aren't allowed to say,
that we didn't find
everything bad in the past.
thought the wall was ok, too.
Alberto let's be frank,
do you believe Sophie can
earn a living with this thing?
don't know her that well, but
she seems to do it passionately
and she seems like she
knows what she wants.
Girls at this age don't
know what they want.
They want what is "in" on TV.
want to be frank with you.
f it was up to me she'd
be working at our company.
Learning how reality works.
Or marrying a man who
can provide her security.
always thought only we people
from the south thought like that.
Don't get me wrong.
don't mean like the Turks,
who only let their women
out of their cages to cook.
don't think it's that
bad with the Turks.
A Turkish marriage
consists of three stations.
Forced marriage,
captivity, honor killings.
You forgot the burka.
Exactly. sn't
that unbelievable.
think the media likes
to exaggerate a bit.
Don't be so naive,
young man. Excuse me.
Von schadohw. Yes.
Ah that's great.
'll be there in an hour.
Bye.
So it's "Von" schadohw?
Yes, Sophie still feels
ashamed about her ancestry.
- But keep it to yourself.
- Of course.
Did you pass
cross-examination already?
Yes, but I think
I'm doing quite well.
Well kids, communication
design, acting.
s nobody interested
in decent jobs anymore?
But they are decent jobs.
Alberto, I like
your political views,
but an actor who mostly
works in a restaurant.
- That's not a career.
- Dad!
That's alright.
A creative should be
able to handle criticism.
n your case, I
think it's a pity
all that creativity only flows
into boring rental contracts.
Creativity on its own
doesn't earn you a living.
And so you, my dear daughter can
keep building your castles in the sky,
your dad has to go out into
the real world and earn money.
Maybe next time we can
meet in your restaurant.
Then at least I can be
creatively served for my money.
Whenever you'd like.
'd be happy to see you.
have to go now.
t was a pleasure.
Bye, my child.
Don't worry about your
fathers opinion too much.
like what you do.
Really?
Yes, really.
But to fight for your
dream is part of the game.
Thank you.
Well said.
Everything alright you two?
just talked to
arno on the phone.
He said to be in his
office tomorrow at noon.
And here is the address.
Thank you, Mrs. Schadohw.
Luise.
Five scaloppine to go.
That's so nice of your mother.
The way you devoured her food,
she'll likely consider
you in her will.
You know, maybe we shouldn't
continue shooting today.
That way you can prepare
for your appointment tomorrow.
think you're right. Thank you.
Then let's continue
the day after tomorrow.
Do you know when
you'll be available?
'm always free
during the day for now.
Great, then let's meet at
the park again at noon?
- Ok.
- Good.
Would you like to
get a coffee together?
- Nothing personal.
- Come on!
Coffee, not sex.
See you in two days.
Noon. And be punctual.
Al Pacino.
Yes, man.
Al Pacino.
Am I seeing right?
s this a dream? Or real?
No brother. t's him.
Os-man. Savior of all oppressed
muslims and freedom fighters.
Selamun aleikum brother.
Save your strength.
Os-man will get you to
Friday prayers on time.
Aleikum selam os-man.
They've been torturing
us for days now
with reality soaps
of the cartdaschians.
One more hour and we
would've become total zombies.
Not so fast, os-man!
Uncle scam. And I thought
my costume is embarrassing.
t was so clear you would
fall for that cheap trap.
Don't even think about it.
For decades you have
occupied the islamic world.
You are responsible for painting
us as evil terrorists all over the world,
while all we want is
to live in peace as well.
But I need a villain,
so I can bomb democracy
in your countries,
while I take your
resources as payment.
And now I'm gonna
use you and your friends
as scapegoats for a bombing.
Ok, uncle scam but
before you kill us.
There is one thing
I have to tell you.
And what is that?
Look over there, an oil well.
Garlic spray.
And 1000 times concentrated.
No...
And we sold them this sh.T.
Thank you os-man,
that you freed us from
the grip of uncle scam.
Since we converted to islam
because of you we finally feel happy.
As a sign of my
deepest gratitude
I want to give you my daughter
and this voucher for a round
trip for two to mekka, as a present.
All-inclusive.
Thank you, hadschi luise,
but in islam, your
daughter can choose herself
which man she wants marry.
And therefore I ask you
Sophie-suleika.
Will you marry me?
You have to wake up.
Sophie?
My son, you have to wake up.
Wake up. Son, you
have to wake up.
Which Sophie are
you talking about?
Sufi not Sophie, daddy.
was dreaming about
sufi celaleddin rumi.
Oh, my lion. That is beautiful.
What time is it?
- 11 am?
- What? 'll be late for my casting.
What casting, my son?
Dad keep your fingers
crossed I have a movie casting.
Maybe I'll be the first
Turkish superhero.
Mr. Giandolce, we are
casting a film for cinema called
"Berlin 9/11: The
coming out of terror."
The movie will be
produced by Valentin.
We're casting the
role of the antagonist.
We're looking for someone
for the role of ahmet
"haram-killer" jihad III.
A Turkish, islamist,
terrorist suicide bomber,
who compensates his
suppressed homosexuality
through terrorist violence.
Because he'd rather
die as a virgin martyr,
than admit his love for a man.
Would you have a
problem with that role?
know it's a demanding role, but
keep in mind, Tom Hanks... Oscar.
Sean penn... Oscar.
William hurt... Oscar.
Jared leto... Oscar.
A role like that will be paid
close attention in the film industry.
Elton John... Oscar.
He didn't receive
that for acting, did he?
Just think: Gay... Oscar.
Oh please excuse me.
No need for that.
Don't mention it.
We live in the 21st century.
Moreover, you are not
alone in the film industry.
No, no, they belong
to a friend of mine.
Of course. Who else?
- Alberto, you have your lines?
- Yes.
And action.
There is no god but god.
You infidels are
going to feel that now.
Ok, ok, I get it.
Be quiet, infidel.
You understand nothing
with your western arrogance.
was a happy young man
until I was at the annual
party of your mayor.
There, he charmed
me the whole evening.
He told me that he's crazy
about me and wants to marry me.
He wanted to show
the world his love for me.
But that is beautiful.
Of course it would
have been beautiful.
But only under one condition.
He said he'll marry me
once the airport is finished.
And you fell for that?
You'll be waiting for years.
No, no. That's why we, inshallah
subanallah with Allah'hutallas
will blow up this airport,
so that he can never
make such promises again.
God is great. God is great.
Thank you.
Bravo.
That was the best turk I've
ever heard from a non-turk.
That sounded totally real.
Tomi, what do you think?
had the impression there was a
real Turkish islamist in front of me.
'm thrilled.
Dude, a gay, islamic,
suicide bomber.
Seriously. mean did
they leave out any cliche?
When your father sees
that, he'll disinherit you.
Dude, I'll be lucky if
he only disinherits me.
You really want to do it?
Not really, but
on the other hand, I'd finally
have something to show.
My father would relax.
Sounds good. This way you
can spare the portrait video.
No, man!
First of all, I only got the
part through her mother.
Second of all: t
would be unfair to her.
And third of all:
find her interesting.
You mean you're crazy about her?
No, but there's something
special about her.
Of course.
You morons.
Peace be with you. 'm
busy. Can I call you back?
Ok... if god is willing.
Oh hi, have you been
standing there for a while?
What did you just
say? Salanum aleikum?
said salami and bacon.
That was my boss from work
and I said we have to still order that.
And at the end? nshallah?
Enchilada.
'm trying to persuade him to add
some Mexican dishes to the menu.
By the way, how
did your casting go?
Quite good. got the
part thanks to your mother.
Happy to hear it.
- Thank you.
- Hey but I'm sure
you convinced them, too.
mean they wouldn't cast
you just because of my mother.
Should we start?
f you didn't talk so much
we could've already started.
Ok.
s that ok?
Perfect.
This must require
a lot of discipline?
And on top some
form of paleo-diet.
So only meat, vegetables
and especially this here: Fruit.
That would do you good too.
So you don't smell like
an ashtray all the time.
Very funny.
Thank you, dad.
'll eat it later.
Can we move on?
Sorry, I don't have eyes
in the back of my head.
s the camera broken?
think the battery
grip is damaged.
might need a new one.
Damnit.
'm sorry.
Wasn't your fault.
Boss, where should I put this?
Don't ask so much.
Just put it somewhere.
- Good day.
- Hello.
How can I help you?
Alberto, could you hold this?
need a new battery
grip. Mine is broken.
Ok, one moment please.
You idiot.
Show them the expensive model,
not the cheapest.
Why is this moron looking at me?
No idea?
Maybe he's gay and wants you.
This grip costs 150 Euros.
Ok, I'll take it.
Uh, do you have
anything cheaper?
Unfortunately not.
That's the only one.
What's that thing in the back?
- Which one?
- The one on the shelf.
That's something different.
Can I still have a look at it?
Get that thing.
Look, it's a battery grip, too.
And only costs 40 Euros.
We'd rather take this.
But this one is reserved.
Oh really?
Should we look somewhere else?
Ok.
Just give them the cheap one.
Or we'll make no business at all.
This is unbelievable.
Unbelievable. Really.
Excuse me.
My colleague made me aware
we have one more in
stock and you can have it.
Sounds much better.
Then we'll take it. We
just need a small discount.
Dis-what?
Discount. Have you never heard
of competition or the Internet?
Of course. 5% is good.
Great. For 10% we'll take it.
And a nice big bag, please.
Get a bag!
just saved you
more than 100 Euros.
Thank you, Alberto!
Boss, does this guy
understand Turkish?
've insulted the
fag so many times.
f he was a turk, he would
have already said something.
Am I right sweetie?
And now piss off.
What?
Oh I just said "have
a nice day" in Turkish.
Ok.
Well then, a heartfelt
"piss off".
From me, too: "Piss off"
"piss off."
Go and get me some tea.
This is all your fault.
They were two real
Turkish picture-book crooks.
didn't want to say
anything but yes.
Typical Turks.
They either lie or cheat.
Seems like someone
had a bad experience.
Let's change the subject.
By the way, I think
we're doing good so far.
've got this acting
scene for you.
thought you could
try some Shakespeare.
Honestly, I'm not good at
Shakespeare and theatre stuff.
Can't we do something modern?
Of course. Do you have an idea?
Rocky and Rambo
probably won't work.
No.
No, then I don't have an idea.
Write something?
That would be ok for me.
've never written
anything before.
Just try it.
We could still find
something classical.
Actually, you're right.
So, why do you
want to be an actor?
guess it's
because of my mother.
Your mother wants
you to be an actor?
My mother loved movies.
Oh... I understand.
'm sorry.
Peace be upon you, dear ahmet.
Just came from Friday prayers
and wanted to come to you.
need my chainsaw usama 9/11.
Yes, because I need it urgently.
Ok, where should we meet?
Oraniensquare?
Ok, then let's meet
at oraniensquare.
n 30 minutes.
Laura, just drive to oraniensquare
and don't let us bother you, ok?
Ay, ay, captain Fifi.
And action.
My son.
- Alberto!
- Yes?
t would be nice if you could
remove your hand from your face.
Look, I got usama 911 back.
hate to interrupt you, but a guy
with a chainsaw is coming towards us.
What's wrong with him?
He looks like captain jihad
on his way to a circumcision.
Do you know this guy?
What does he want?
No idea. Maybe it's a
new spin-off of al-qaida.
But before he breaks the window
and sacrifices us to the holy jihad,
I'd suggest we just drive away.
Shouldn't we call the police?
Police? Hello,
we're in kreuzberg.
Put your foot down.
- Laura, step on the gas.
Thank you again
and I'll call you later.
Bye, and avoid driving
back via kreuzberg.
Hey, Fifi. Don't
fall for Mr. Gelato.
'd like to do one more shot
where you talk about your parents.
You never give up, do you?
No pain, no gain.
Ok, but only if you have
coffee with me afterwards.
Sorry, but I still have to
watch and edit all the material.
You telling me you don't
want to get coffee with me.
That's another way to put it.
All this screening and editing.
You can always work
for your dad, just in case.
Not a bad idea by the way. n
many ways, your father isn't wrong.
- Now you too.
- What?
First my father. Now you.
Did it occur to you, that I
want to make it on my own?
That I don't want to
be put in a made nest.
That I can have the
feeling I did it on my own.
can do it. You
ever had that at all?
Honestly? t's the only thing I
know. wish I had some support.
So that's how it
looks from the outside.
"Sophie doesn't have to worry,
everything has already
been achieved for her"
what is she capable of anyway?
Her father has money.
Where is the difficulty?
Do you know how it feels,
always being told what to do.
Nobody thinks you're
capable of anything.
You aren't allowed to
decide anything on your own.
Reputation is more important
than personal freedom
I can't take it anymore.
'm sick of this crap.
You know what,
you vain macho ape?
This stupid portrait
isn't important anyway.
My father believes that. You
believe that. Everybody believes that.
Why do I even bother?
Just forget it.
What happened to you?
Did I miss something?
Sophie project art academy
My son. What was that today?
What do you mean, dad?
Why didn't you say hello to me?
Were you in the
restaurant today?
No, I was at orianiensquare.
Why? Were you at the restaurant?
Yes, I just finished working.
But I saw you in a car.
n which car dad? was
at the restaurant till now.
- Are you sure?
- Dad, ask my boss.
But why wouldn't
I say hi to you?
My son, I was at
the restaurant today.
But you weren't there.
Are you ashamed
of your own father?
Dad, I can explain everything.
Don't bother. understand.
am very disappointed.
What is it, that you can't
even say hello to your father?
Daddy, please.
No son. Leave me alone.
'm leaving.
Always these men with
their medieval ideas.
"A woman has to find a man.
A woman has to have security".
can't take it anymore.
Will you please stop.
'm also sick and tired of men.
think I'll become a lesbian
or go to a convent.
Speaking of the devil.
'm so not in the
mood to talk with him.
Can't you just call him back?
Hold this.
have to go save the planet.
Say hi from me.
You forgot your notebook.
Tell me when I can return it?
Best Alberto.
Send it to my address
or put it in my mailbox.
think I drowned a spider.
Come on, let's go.
What are you gonna do now?
No idea. think I'll bring
Sophie her notebook.
And then we'll see. Women,
you never know on which day of
the month they have their issues.
can tell you exactly.
Mostly on 30 of 31 days.
Ok but what's next?
You already shot so much.
have no clue.
So this is the end with
madame Spielberg?
Madame "Von" Spielberg.
Did you know she is nobility.
Really?
That means if you marry her,
you'd be the first Turkish nobleman.
Why is she hiding it?
No idea. She wants to make
it on her own without the title.
What a load of bull!
f I had such a title, I would
cast princesses everyday.
You mean for your
little prince down there.
That's not funny.
Typical women.
You do them a favor and receive
a lousy text message as a reward.
She says to send it
or put it in her mailbox.
So?
'll put it in her mailbox.
Cool.
You want us to come with you?
Thank you bro, but I'll
do it alone. See you later.
Ok.
Take care.
Well, I don't know what
he was thinking either.
Anyway, it doesn't matter now.
Yes...
'll be home any
minute. Don't worry, ok?
Yes... ok...
'll call you when I
get up. Ok... ciao.
How was the party?
- You?
- Yes me.
Just wanted to bring
your notebook back.
Look, thanks for the book,
but I'm not in the
mood for talking.
So do yourself a favor
and leave me alone, ok?
Hi!
- Do you have a cigarette for us?
- He doesn't smoke and I'm out.
f you don't have cigarettes,
can you give us money,
so we can get some?
Sorry, I don't give money
to just anyone for cigarettes.
think you should leave now.
G-g-ive us m-m-money
for c-c-cigarettes.
Guys, why don't you
just stop this bullsh.T.
Shut up, you moron.
How much you got?
Hey, leave the girl alone.
Hey, leave him alone.
Piss off.
Hey, there are people watching.
Wait.
Everything alright?
What's the matter?
Damnit. think I
sprained my ankle.
Don't be like that.
'm almost finished.
So.
Done.
Thank you.
You should eat something.
Like any modern woman,
I have nothing in my fridge.
Should I get you something?
s there anything close by?
- Only a kebab store.
- Should I get you a kebab?
- hate kebabs.
- Really?
Not the kebab,
but Turks.
They only want to pick
up women or rip you off.
And I'm sick of it.
think you're exaggerating.
Not all Turks are liars and
cheaters or want to pick up women.
Really?
Some are also women
beaters and islamists.
Did you have a bad experience?
Ah sorry, not my concern.
was 16
and on holiday in
Turkey with my parents.
Ali, an animator at our hotel.
We met every evening.
He brought me a
Rose every night.
He always told me
how beautiful I am
and how much he
was in love with me.
He told me he wanted to study
but due to the needs of his
family he had to go to work.
What can I say.
gave him money.
mean, he was always
polite. trusted him.
Pretty stupid of me.
Anyway he started
to get closer to me.
didn't want it and
tried to get away.
Luckily, some people
from the hotel heard him
and pulled him away from me.
t was only later that I learned
that everything he
told me was a lie.
Now you know why
I like Turks so much.
hate nothing more
than being lied to.
get why you hate Turks now
but sometimes I think
you hate the whole world.
How do you mean?
Why do you make it
so hard for yourself?
With what?
Your family offers you
so many opportunities.
That's not a lot of
opportunities. t's exactly one.
Still many times better
than being a waiter.
Ok, yesterday I was waiting tables
and today I have a role in a movie.
How do you manage
to be so self-confident?
s that something Italian?
No idea. To be honest,
I've never thought about it.
That's exactly what I mean.
You don't even care why.
You don't have to
pretend to be something.
You don't think
about who you are.
You just are.
don't like to admit it
but I admire that about you.
'm not that admirable.
'm full of self-doubts.
My father doesn't
respect me at all,
but you just follow your goal.
Why don't you use
your opportunities?
don't want to be
just the "daughter".
want to make it on my own.
can do it.
Why doesn't anybody believe me?
Sophie?
Sophie?
Sophie... how's your head?
'm looking forward
to our next shoot.
Kreuzberg center
- and then?
- Well...
After he saved me, I offered
to take care of his wound.
And then the macho
tried to sleep with you.
No.
He didn't.
Well, then he tried to
put his hands all over you?
He didn't do that either.
Then he must be gay.
've heard of a lot of
macho-Italians that are actually gay.
mean it all makes
sense, doesn't it.
Just think about it, all
those styled hair cuts.
And the body-cult.
should have seen it earlier.
Are you missing anything
in your apartment?
Since I had this strange
experience with this one guy
I let the guys clap their hands
when I go to the bathroom.
Laura!
What am I supposed to do?
Anyway, will you see him again?
have one thing left to shoot.
And he deserves his tape.
Besides all my work
would have been in vain
and my father would
think he was right.
'm meeting him in 2 hours.
Let's see if he's
finally on time.
And then...
- Hey!
- Hi.
Ten minutes early?
Just to be safe, I thought.
Ok.
Do you need a rehearsal?
No, let's just start right
away. Are you ready?
Yes, I'm ready.
Camera is rolling.
And action.
Superman, Batman,
spiderman.
Ever since I can remember
I wanted to be a hero.
A hero that does heroic deeds.
A hero who is
loved by the people.
A hero who fights evil and wins.
A hero who saves the girl.
But then I realized
all heroes are lonely.
Superman lives in
the fortress of solitude.
Batman is lonely.
And spiderman will
never get Marie Jane.
Although the world
admires and loves them
they're lonely.
Although everybody
wants to be like them
they're lonely.
But not only are they lonely,
they have to pretend
to be somebody else.
Although they fight
for truth and justice
they have to live a lie.
don't want to be
a hero anymore.
don't want to lie to be close
to the people I care about.
don't want to be
a hero anymore.
just want to be myself.
Myself.
Do you think that was ok?
t was good.
Really good.
How did you come up with this?
Heroes. That theme has
preoccupied my entire life.
didn't know you could
write from the heart like that.
wanted to do
something that is real.
Authentic and believable.
Have you ever thought
about writing more?
No.
Maybe you should.
'll think about it.
So, you mean a hero would
never reveal his true identity
even if he loves a woman?
The woman loves the
hero, not his true self.
But the hero is
part of his true self.
The hero is brave.
Bravery means you have
to overcome your fear.
The hero hides his fear.
But his true self is afraid.
What does he
have to be afraid of?
Rejection?
That people wouldn't like
the person behind the hero.
Why wouldn't people like him?
You don't like Turks either,
because of one bad experience.
That is something
totally different.
t's not.
What if it was a Turkish
superhero? Would you like him?
What kind of question is
that? A Turkish superhero?
Nevermind.
n two days I have
my first day of shooting
and if you want
to come visit me...
Thank you.
But I have to finish
the video till tomorrow.
The day after tomorrow they
will decide whether I pass or not.
And I have to stay free.
Ok, but in case you want
to come just let me know.
Ok.
have to go now. still
have to prepare a few things.
You'll call me when
you're finished?
Sure.
Well, ok then.
Till then.
Till then.
made it.
They liked it. 'm
in the final round.
And what's next?
When is your final test?
n two days. But I would like
to thank Alberto beforehand.
'll surprise him on
set. Can you drive me?
Of course.
20 Euros.
Ok, because it's a beautiful
day and I like you I'll do it for 30.
Mr. Giandolce.
The office is asking for
the rest of your papers.
Your tax card is missing.
'll bring it with me tomorrow.
Ciao Alberto.
t's your premiere today.
Alberto bin laden!
Already in kebab mode?
- Yes.
- Tommy, please.
Wow, I thought we'd
be at a real airport.
t's all digital today. Nobody
will notice the difference.
Everyone will think
we're at a real airport.
Men, women, kids...
ncredible.
'm curious how far they are.
There.
Can I come in?
Sure, it's fine.
was learning my lines,
but I think I'll take a break.
You were really
good at the casting.
And now in costume.
ncredible. Scary.
hate this Turkish islamist
terrorist-scumbag already.
Thank you.
We'll open people's
eyes with this movie.
About islam and the Turks.
What do you mean?
That behind every turk or
Muslim there is a potential terrorist.
You really think that?
Of course, when you think
about what they do with dissidents.
Especially with gays.
Yeah but surely that's
a bit exaggerated.
Of course, but we just
show the hard-hitting reality.
What's the matter with you?
Do you know the feeling
when you have to pretend
to be something you're not?
Play a role?
Of course baby.
know it too damn well.
What if you don't want
to live a lie anymore?
Getting ready for shooting.
All actors on set
please. Thank you.
Look, it honors you
but don't overthink it.
Just focus on your career.
Focus on g-power!
Attention please.
We're ready to shoot.
Quiet on set for shooting.
Ok Alberto.
And remember. Make
it mean and aggressive.
- More Turkish?
- Yes!
- More islamistic?
- Exactly.
More ghetto-kanak-style?
didn't want to say
it but, yes, yes, yes!
Roll sound.
Sound is rolling.
Roll camera.
Camera is rolling!
And action!
There is no god but god
and you infidels are
about to feel that now.
Why are you doing this?
Because we hate your freedom.
Your scantily dressed women
presenting their attractions.
Your reality soaps
and especially your
same-sex partnerships
and their tax equality
compared to normal families.
Only a few minutes
and we all will die.
Except for me and my brothers.
We will continue to live
in paradise
with 270 virgins.
Are you sure you
want the virgins?
The way you look
at your brothers,
I think you'd rather prefer
270 brothers in your paradise.
Shut up, infidel.
Shut up.
can't.
can't do this. This is...
You know I'm sick and tired of
pretending to be someone else.
'm sick and tired of lying.
What's the matter?
Are you improvising?
'm sick of lying
to people I like
just because I'm afraid
they wouldn't like me
if they knew who I really was.
'm sick of keeping my mouth
shut, when they bad-mouth my kind.
'm sick of keeping
my mouth shut
because I'm afraid
of not getting a role.
've had enough of pretending,
and that is why I only
want to tell you one thing.
Stop!
Don't say another word,
I knew it from the beginning,
but now since I know I'm
not alone, it's much easier.
should have done this earlier.
Yes, me too. 'm gay too.
G-power!
Alberto is gay?
knew it.
Thank you, Tom,
but I just wanted to say...
'm not Italian.
Sorry.
'm a turk and that's fine.
A turk?
This role is the biggest
propaganda crap.
And I understand why you
didn't cast a turk to play the role.
Go find somebody else
that will play this crap for you.
Bravo!
knew the non-turk was a turk.
This will have consequences.
We have a contract.
haven't signed anything yet.
'm in the hotel.
Call me when you find a
new turk. Karin, come on.
Sophie, what are you doing here?
Doesn't matter now.
Seems I was right
about you Turks all along.
You're all liars and deceivers.
Sophie wait.
wanted to tell you.
But after you told me your
story I knew you would hate me.
was afraid, you wouldn't
finish the demo with me.
don't want to hear anything
else from you. Let go of me.
Sophie?
Just leave her alone, ok?
have to go.
have a date.
Ok.
'll pick you up tonight, ok?
Ok.
Hey and thanks again.
Hey Fifi, hold your
head up high, ok.
Ok, now beat it.
- Have fun.
- Thank you.
Sophie!
Sophie, please. Hear me out.
To be honest, I'm not interested
in hearing anything from you.
Just forget about everything.
We are so much better,
Ms. "Von" schadohw.
We never lie about our
background. t's just others that lie.
Your father talked too much.
That is something
totally different.
'd have advantages
with my name.
lied to my disadvantage.
Of course. Your
lies are much better.
You could have never
explained a turk to your parents.
You would have
been ashamed of me.
That is nonsense.
Do you have any idea how
hard it is to get a role as a turk.
All you get are drug
dealers and kebab vendors.
And lately, gay terrorists.
Not even you wanted a turk.
So I improvised.
Then I realized you were cool
and I wanted to tell you.
But then I got the role
through your mother.
Then I couldn't
tell you anymore.
When you told me about
your bad experience with Turks,
I couldn't tell you either.
wanted to tell
you after the movie.
But then I never got the chance.
Ok.
Thank you.
Can I go now?
Of course, if you like.
Yes, I want to.
Will we see each other again?
'll send you your
tape when I'm done.
So it's all over just
because I'm a turk.
No.
Because you lied to me.
Dear god.
Please forgive me for having
hurt people that were close to me.
Help me to make
the right decisions.
El fatiha.
May god accept it.
Thank you dad. 'm sorry I...
know, son.
When I proposed to your
mother "may god bless her"
I lied to my father-in-law.
was only a simple bagel
seller and pretended to be
the owner of a bagel shop.
Just to pretend to
be something better.
wanted to impress
my father-in-law,
to show I am worthy
of his daughter.
had to uphold that
lie until his death.
Your mother was always
angry at me for that.
She loved me as I was.
A man is not his job or money,
but only his character.
Thank you, dad.
Sorry.
Yes, berkan?
What's the matter?
Sophie is leaving Berlin.
She is going back to
Munich to work for her dad.
How do you know that?
Come on, tell him.
Talk!
t's a bit embarrassing
but I was in a hairdressing shop
and looking at
extensions. Now you know.
Are you happy now?
Anyway I met
Sophie's cute friend.
You mean Laura.
Exactly.
We chatted about hairstyles
and she told me Sophie
is leaving in an hour
and it didn't work
out with the university.
Thank you bro. You're the
best. love you so much.
- have to go.
- Should we take you?
No, I have to go on my own.
Extensions, dude?
Shut up, ok.
Why? Why?
Leave me alone!
told you these art ideas
only bring you in touch
with shady individuals.
All that work and
time you wasted
only to fail your final test.
Fritz, the portrait got
her in to the final round.
Only that final
interview didn't go well.
At least now you
can work with us.
And forget about this nonsense.
Fritz, enough is enough.
Those fantasies
will get you nowhere.
kept my mouth shut too often.
should have talked some
sense in to you earlier.
Excuse me, sir,
but it wasn't your
daughter's fault, it was mine.
think it's better for you to
stay out of this, young man.
- No, Mr. Von schadohw.
- Let it be.
've made a lot of mistakes.
don't want you to make the same.
You love what you do.
Do you want to let go of your dream
because of a stupid art academy?
You want to create
art. Then do it.
Why don't you follow your dream?
You want to do it on your own.
Well, you're right. Then do it.
Enough. Get in the
car. We're leaving now.
- Sophie!
- Get in the car!
And you, young man,
leave my daughter alone
with this art crap! s that clear?
Who does he think
he is? That rude artist.
Thank god the
academy didn't take you.
God forbid what other nut
cases of yours I would have met.
He is not a nutcase.
And he's not so wrong.
Have you ever thought
about what I want, daddy?
What makes your daughter
happy? For one second?
21 years, my child.
Sophie!
Fritz, sit down. Don't
make a fool of yourself.
Of course you would defend her.
don't need to. She
can do that all by herself.
Hi.
Hi.
thought you left.
wanted to give
you your demo tape.
Thank you.
And what will you do now?
A wise person once said, you
should follow your own path.
think that's what I'll do.
want to tell my own stories.
Create something myself.
Do you have an idea?
Yes.
t's about somebody who
pretends to be someone else
because he thinks he'll
reach his goal faster.
like that.
And how does the story end?
t depends on the
woman in the story.
What's the movie's title?
How about the "Hollywood turk"?
You think someone
will go see that?
hope so.
just need a good director.
Did you know I'd like to
do something like that.
Really? What a coincidence.
And how would you pay
your hard working director?
think I have an idea.
How about a kebab
menu every night?
That sounds like a good start.
Very good Giancarlo,
I am genaro morelli
and this is bonita berarri.
The Hollywood turk
a gay Italian turk.
Just think: Gay... Oscar.
G-power!
Go away.
Bro, forgive me please.
've only written two dozen
successful TV-movies,
so feedback from an
amateur actor is appreciated.
Wow, they are super-sweet.
They are super-sweet.
A 5 euro bill.
We can party
really hard with that.
Sorry you're nice but I'm
done with that kind of thing.
Meat for my Turkish
friend but not pig.
Because pig is haram.
t's mega haram.
Attention please we're
ready for shooting.
Quiet for shooting.
knew this would
look good on you.
Really.
know this sounds a bit strange
but I really thought
about getting extensions.
Really?
Just recently, I was
looking at extensions
in a hairdressing shop.
Yes, see you bro.
Take care. Ciao.
Oops. Oh, I'm sorry.
t's fine.
Can I get you a new coffee?
Don't bother, thanks.
would have asked you
out for a coffee anyway
and now that I've spilled
yours it's the least I can do.
Thanks.
Damn, I have to go to a casting.
Casting? Are you an actor?
Yes.
Cool and what's the movie about?
t's about a businessman
whose customers don't pay.
Got it, and you play
the businessman?
So to speak.
Look, I have to go,
but I would like
to see you again.
Tell me your name first?
Alper. As in al Pacino.
Are you Turkish?
No, I'm Mexican.
Alper is the most common
name after Gonzales.
Really?
No, I'm Turkish.
Sorry, but I've
stopped dating Turks.
Why not?
Because you always try to get
a girl into bed on the first date.
You seem nice and all that, but
I'm done with that kind of thing.
Hey, come on!
'm not that bad.
Okay, Ali. Time is money.
So you are Ali sh.Tf.Cker?
No.
'm alper.
And my surname is
pronounced katsch-fi-kir.
Anyway, tell that to the camera.
Camera rolling. And action.
Hi, my name is alper kacfikir
and I'm an actor from Berlin and...
Ok, that's enough...
Let's do the scene.
'll read the other part.
"Oh, hakan, what
a nice coincidence
to meet you in the library. Are you
also studying German literature?"
"Hey Philip,
why you always avoiding me
farthead. You got my money?
You don't have my money?
But you got money
for everyone else?
Don't you have any respect?
'll sh. T in your mother, man!"
Do I have to say it like in
the script or can I improvise?
What do you dislike
about my text?
Sorry, I didn't
mean to be negative,
it's just that no turk would
say "I'll sh. T in your mother".
Mr. Sh.Tf.Cker.
Just say the lines as written.
Everything else, the
director will tell you.
Of course, no
problem. 'll do it.
Once more...
From "you don't have my money"!
"You don't have my money?"
No, no more Turkish.
- "You don't have my money?"
- More aggressive.
- Yo don't have ma money?
- More Turkish and aggressive
- yo don't have ma money?
- More aggressive.
- Don't you has any respect, man?
- No, not like that.
sh. T in yo motha, man!
- sh. T in yo motha, man!
- No.
sh. T in yo motha, man!
No, I'm not feeling it.
That's not real.
That's not real at all.
Mr. Sh.Tf.Cker
go visit kreuzberg
and study the people.
Or... what's it called...
"Turkish for beginners"
that's it... They have
some good Turks.
Should I try it
differently once more?
No, thank you,
Mr. Sh.Tf.Cker, that's enough.
Peace be upon you, son.
You still trying to be the oldest
unsuccessful actor in Berlin?
Dad, I'm trying,
but it's just hard.
Son, as a turk, the
only roles you'll get are
drug dealers, Muslim terrorists,
and if not that,
then you play a gay.
When are you going
to get your first role?
had a casting
today. We'll see.
And what kind of role?
t was a successful
Turkish businessman.
Like your uncle:
Fruit-and-veg huseyin?
Almost like that. He also
deals with green stuff.
Hopefully, son.
But if not, you'll start
with insurance-ahmet.
He still has my
chainsaw usama 9/11.
Daddy, you don't say usama 911
but usa-ma mod. 911.
For me, she is usama 911
because she can fell every tree.
And go to Friday prayers again.
Don't forget your culture
and religion, my son.
Thank god your poor mother doesn't
have to experience this anymore.
May god bless her.
n the name of god, the most
gracious, the most merciful.
Praise be to Allah,
the lord of the universe.
The most gracious,
the most merciful.
Master of the day of judgment.
You alone we worship, and
you alone we ask for help.
Guide us the straight path.
The path of those on whom
you have bestowed your grace,
not of those who earned wrath,
nor of those who have gone astray.
Amen.
My little hero
Awesome, bro. Nobody
straightens hair like you.
That's what you get
growing up with 4 older
sisters all working as hairstylists.
Yes.
don't like to say it,
but you should think about
becoming a hairdresser.
No way. That's such
a gay profession.
Well, you got a point there.
Bro, "deutsche and albana",
seriously the best fragrance
and the best designers.
- How're you doing bro?
- All fine bro and you?
Which Turkish drug
dealer says farthead?
That's what I told
those morons too.
Maybe they just want you
to keep your mouth shut.
Maybe they don't
want a smart ass.
What am I supposed to do,
when they tell me a turk says
"I sh. T in yo mother, man!"
Let's change the subject.
Where are we heading tonight?
To the "10.000". All
the hot chicks are there.
Guys, I can't come along. have
to sort flyers and do a few things
at my dad's print shop.
Dude, no way. We
are the Jacksons.
"Veri", "gidi" and
"siki Jackson".
Right and the Jacksons
always perform together. Unless
you're Michael. But
he can't be Michael.
Why can't I be Michael?
You want to know why
you can't be Michael?
Because I'm already Michael.
But why don't you tell
us about your great idea?
- want to print stickers.
- Stickers?
"Turkish player delight 36"
I want one like that. Then all
the models will know who I am.
No, man. "Cay power". Cay, cay.
A billion people drink cay.
The Chinese not included.
f only one percent
buys the sticker, then...
You'll be a billionaire!
"Cay power"
it's a good idea. But you
still have to come along.
Guys, I want to make
money. Take girls out.
But not with a cheap kebab menu.
Bro, why do you worry so much?
Alper is gonna be a famous
actor and then the girls will come.
But not in Germany,
where the most famous
turk is a half-tunesian.
What, erdogan is half-tunesian?
Not erdogan. The
most famous TV-turk.
Kaya yanar?
Never mind!
Bro, why are you
doing this sh. T?
Movies, bro.
Only movies will make you
immortal. And that's why I'm doing this.
And who is gonna give you
such a role? A Philip or a Daniel?
Well, that's how it is when Philips
and Daniels write about us Turks.
But I'm going to change that.
'm going to be the first
Turkish, Muslim superhero.
Os-man.
The first super turk
with franchise guarantee.
And who is going
to give you that role?
've no idea.
First, I just need
a little demo tape.
With that, I get
to the agencies.
And the agencies will send me to
castings. Then I'll work my way up.
Why don't you just
go to drama school?
500-600 Euros per month
for a private drama school.
Do you have 500-600 Euros
per month? Well, me neither.
Then go to a state drama school.
Did Stallone or Schwarzenegger
go to drama school?
don't want to be a theatre fag
who runs naked on stage, screaming.
The teachers are all failed assholes
who just want to ruin your life.
f it's not that, they want your
ass. And if not your ass, it's the girls.
What? Both?
For them a good actor
has to be at least bi.
Or better yet: Tri.
Tri? What is that?
t means you're
down for everything.
Fifi! Let's party!
Hi.
Know what that means? First
round of "skinny bitches" is on you.
Relax. Nothing is decided yet.
The second round is going to
be much harder than the first.
have to create an audiovisual
portrait of an immigrant
from the working class, in reference
to the Italian Neo-realism of the 50s.
What?
A video about a
working class immigrant.
- Exciting.
- Yes.
thought maybe an Italian?
Why Italian? Can't it
be any other immigrant?
Yes, but in the end, only Turks
will show up and I don't want that.
Hi, where are you
beauties going tonight?
Not where you guys are going.
But you don't know
where we're going.
Sorry guys, but get lost.
Tonight is ladies' night and
you're definitely too hairy for that.
Come on Laura,
let's go to the club.
Wait a minute. We're not
that bad. Just give us a chance.
'd love to, but my boyfriend
will be here any minute.
Your boyfriend, yeah right.
There you are.
You kept us waiting?
Hey, can you pretend to
be my boyfriend, please?
Hi honey,
sorry I'm late,
but we had to attend
anger management classes.
Are they friends of yours?
No, we just asked
what time it is.
t depends.
f you leave now it's
not too late, I guess.
Of course. We should've
already been gone.
We have to go right now. Come
on, you moron. told you we're late.
Thank you, guys. Some men
just don't get it the polite way.
Where are you heading to?
No offense, but we just
want to party with girls tonight.
Come on, we just saved you.
What do we have to do
now? Go out with you?
Aren't there any
gentlemen left in this world?
Come on Laura. Let's go.
We are gentlemen.
Don't be like that.
We can all party together.
We're really nice guys.
Didn't you need an
immigrant for your movie?
Yes, but not that one.
Good evening.
Are you all together?
No, just the two of us.
- Enjoy your evening.
- Thank you.
Maybe we'll see each
other inside. Thanks again.
Sorry guys, but three men
without female company.
No problem, we know a
colleague of yours. Berkan!
'm a good friend of huseyin.
Oh, huseyin.
Yes, huseyin.
Huseyin, yes.
Huseyin no longer works here.
He let too many "friends" in.
Now we have Horst.
Good thing about Horst.
Horst has no friends.
Actually it's
not like we're that close.
We're not getting in
because we're Turks, right?
Exactly.
Listen, guys...
'm Turkish, too.
understand you.
But this "poor-me-discriminated-turk"
trick doesn't work.
A club can only have 4
Turks for every 100 Germans.
A club full of Turks and not enough
women. That never ends well.
Friedrichstrasse station
talian wanted
I just hope no perverts
show up for this.
Don't you like it
a bit perverted?
Sophie, how dare you?
Come on, let's go.
Come on, let's get
some ice cream.
Good idea!
Doing good?
Bene bene, tutto bene.
So, what did those girls want?
They wanted to put up a note.
They're looking for
an Italian for a movie.
But a real Italian.
Not for you my friend.
Whoa! You want to do what?
Aynen John waynen! 'm
gonna pose as an Italian.
A turk pretending to be
an Italian. How original.
Why don't you do a
demo tape yourself?
Can you edit? You have a
camera? Know how expensive it is?
With my iPhone
zero Euros. For free.
At least 1000 Euros. They certainly
don't want a shaky iPhone video.
- Seriously? So much?
- Yes, bro!
Sounds like a real business.
Maybe I'll get on board.
But wait, wait, wait...
You've never posed as an
Italian. You don't know how it works.
That's why I need you.
You have to help me
play my first big role.
The birth of Alberto giandolce.
That's why I'm appointing
you two to be my consultants.
Benito and genaro.
But consultant or not. Both
have to pay respect to the "Don".
Get outta here, Don. You're
"Don underpants" at the most.
Almost, almost.
f you're going
to do it, do it right.
sn't that a sin, man?
Dude, Jesus, god
bless him, can't be a sin.
He is playing a role.
f so he wouldn't be
allowed to lie either.
'm Alberto now. Not alper.
And Alberto wears
a cross. Naturally.
My name is
Alberto.
Where in Italy do your
parents come from?
From roma?
Every Albanian
says he is from roma.
Please, think of something else.
Corleone?
Who is the president of Italy?
That's easy, I know it.
Silvio ber... tolucci.
No, bro. That's
not it. t's different.
- Something with "m".
- Yes...
Mussolini. Silvio Mussolini.
Damn it. That's him. Bunga,
bunga. Silvio Mussolini...
You passed the test. You
couldn't be better prepared.
Thank you, guys.
have an appointment.
f you know what I mean.
Casting: Room 103
Casting: Room 703
Casting: Room 703
who is here for the casting?
You?
Here?
Don't tell me you're
doing the casting.
Yes, I am. No one else here?
don't know. just arrived
and nobody was here.
Any hard feelings
about the other night?
Why should I?
Let's go inside.
By the way, I am Sophie schadohw.
Can you introduce yourself?
'm Alberto giandolce.
And what do you do, Alberto?
Besides being enchanted by you?
Yes, apart from that?
work as a waiter in
an Italian restaurant.
That's where I
discovered your note.
But actually I'm an actor.
Would you have time
in the next 2 weeks?
'll take the time.
Bona sera. 'm Giancarlo
and very interested
in the project.
think I'm a good example for
the new generation of Italians.
study literature
and political science
and am striving for
an academic career.
Very well, Giancarlo.
But now, let's put that aside
and imagine you're an Italian
worker in a printing shop.
And you have to sort flyers.
The flyers for the Turkish
wedding to the right
the flyers for the Turkish
circumcision to the left.
The circumcision...
You got 2 minutes.
Camera rolling.
Action.
have to do a portrait for my
application to the art academy
and accompany an Italian
for 2 weeks with my camera.
A documentary that
is reflected in the arts.
What are your interests?
Besides beautiful women,
my passion is acting.
want to become a
big, well-known actor.
Have you ever considered
toning it down a bit?
Do you think I talk too loud?
Well, Alberto, could you write
down your number for me?
thought you'd never ask.
f I should choose you
amongst all the applicants,
I'll get in touch with you.
Ok, beautiful.
Maybe we can get
a coffee tomorrow.
Nothing personal.
Awesome. Thank you,
guys. That went well.
Not only do I have my demo
tape in 2 weeks. The girl is hot too.
Don't sh. T where you eat, ok!
One second guys.
Do you think she'll choose you?
Dude, who can resist me?
- Get outta here.
- Get out yourself.
Hey guys, wait.
Normally I would run
in the opposite direction
but for this project, he is
unfortunately, the ideal cast...
But was nobody else there?
don't understand it either.
What a shame.
'd thought amongst
all those styled Italians
I might meet a hairdresser
for my planned salon.
Did you do graduate for this?
To open a hairdresser salon?
think you should
do what you love.
And if this guy fits,
why not take him.
Maybe you're right.
Guys, I have good news.
What's the matter?
Did your parents reveal to
you that wrestling is fake?
Here.
"Gay power"? What
happened to "cay power"?
shouldn't have chatted
with a girl during designing.
But look at the positive. Gays
are the more affluent target group.
- Your type will be the hit.
- Kiss my ass.
You see? That
would be a great intro.
Gay power, that's too
cool. Give me some more.
Who thought gay and cay
are so close to each other.
What news do you have?
n two weeks I'll have my
demo. The girl chose me.
Seriously, bro?
- So cool!
- Really cool, bro.
- Chill, bro.
- Ok.
We should celebrate!
- We need to celebrate!
- Definitely.
- Cola light for everyone?
- Fiko!
Ciao Bella. Have you
been here for long?
You're 30 minutes late.
Didn't you want to
be here at 14:50?
was. At the train station. didn't
know it takes so long to walk here.
Ok, let's get started.
Stand next to the tree,
so the monument
is in the background.
And talk about yourself.
Who you are. What you
do and what goals you have.
Sure.
Ok.
Should I look to you
or into the camera?
Look at me.
That's not hard to do.
'm Alberto giandolce
an Italian and actor.
My parents are from
corleone. That's in Italy.
Surprise!
Daddy, what are you doing here?
thought you were arriving tonight?
Laura told us where you are, we
let ourselves in and mama is cooking.
Mama is cooking at my place?
We thought it would be a
good idea to fill your fridge.
Who do we have here?
That's Alberto.
'm doing a portrait of him
for my art academy application.
Alberto this is my father, Fritz
schadohw!
Pleased to meet you.
So you're supporting my
daughter's artistic ambitions?
She's supporting me
too. get a great portrait.
Great, let's go.
Dad...
had an appointment with Alberto.
don't want to send him home now..
Then we'll take Alberto with us.
Your mom is cooking
Italian anyway.
Young man, what do you think?
can't resist Italian cuisine
but I don't want to intrude either.
Your daughter and I only have
a professional working relation.
Nonsense, there's still enough
time for recordings. You come along.
Now we've handled
this. Let's go.
Hi Alberto
nice to have you with
us. hope you're hungry.
'm starving. Didn't even
have time for breakfast.
Great. Today we're
having scaloppine.
love scaloppine.
So the men can take a seat
and Sophie you can
help me in the kitchen?
Ok.
Take a seat, young man.
Are you often in Berlin?
A few times a year.
We own a few tenements and
need to be present sometimes.
As you know: When the
cat is away the mice will play.
And right now a lot of
Turkish mice are playing.
What do you mean?
We're having problems with Turkish
tenants who won't pay their rent.
always tell my friends:
Never do business with Turks.
ndeed.
Don't eat pigs
but live like pigs.
Luckily the Italians are better.
You can tell the
difference immediately.
Really?
Of course, when I
look at you for example,
I can tell immediately
you are not a turk.
Really?
Now, it's lunchtime.
Looks great.
Thank you, my child.
f you don't want
to spread bad vibes,
then you'd better
praise my mother's food.
Scaloppine, when was the
last time I had a veal schnitzel.
prefer to do
scaloppine with pork.
Oh really?
Veal is mostly too dry.
Let's get started.
May I wash my hands?
The rest room is at
the end of the corridor.
Thank you. 'll be right back.
Damn berkan, if I don't eat this
pig my whole cover will be blown
and on top Sophie's
mother won't like me.
Eating pork is mega haram.
Haram or not. This
is about life and death.
My future is at stake.
And when I say my future I
mean your future as well. Capisce?
Do you know by any chance,
whether it's a helal pig?
A helal pig?
What the hell is a helal pig?
A pig that converted to
islam before it got slaughtered.
Seriously, dude?
f it's a matter of life and
death, I think you can eat it.
- Really?
- think so.
But I guess that applies more to
being in the desert
and having no food
and your life depending on it.
But I am not a
hundred percent sure.
've been in the
desert for years, son.
The casting desert.
This is my chance.
Take care, bro.
Dear god, please forgive me.
The scaloppine from pork.
'm excited to
hear your verdict.
Eat up!
You really are hungry.
Don't forget your culture
and religion, my son.
What's the matter?
Too much salt?
Eating this
reminds me of my dad
and where I come from.
Really? Now I'm flattered.
You don't have to
exaggerate that much.
'll get you another piece.
No, I have to take care of my
body. Because of my profession.
What is your profession?
'm an actor.
Really? At which bar?
- Fritz, come on!
- What?
That's alright. A little
fun never hurt anyone.
But in my case, it's not
a bar but a restaurant.
Have you done
anything well known?
Yes a few, I was in
"lousy times, bad times".
watch that sometimes.
You take what you
get in the beginning.
My friend arno, the
director. As far as I know,
he is looking for a
southern type for a movie.
could recommend you.
That would be
really nice of you.
No big deal for someone
who is such a fan of my food.
'll be right back.
Cem what's up?
Berkan told me you had pork?
Damn, did you have
to remind me again?
- You need to throw up immediately.
- What?
Yes, otherwise it's a sin.
But berkan told me in case
of an emergency it's ok?
Yes, but this is not an emergency.
Just do it before it's too late.
sn't this haram
thing a bit overrated?
We're not supposed to have girls
before our wedding either, right?
Yes, but when you do
something wrong in one area,
you have to make up for it
in another. That evens it out.
Where did you get this
wisdom from? The Internet?
Hey, all Turks do it like that.
While Sophie and
I clean the kitchen,
you take care of
our guest, Fritz.
Yeah.
Well, Alberto, what
really interests me:
How do you evaluate Italy's
policy concerning Europe?
Let me be frank, I'm a
huge supporter of Mussolini.
Really?
Of course, he made a few mistakes,
the thing with the girls and such.
But overall he did a good job.
Like most of our family,
I stand behind him.
always say: Better we stand
behind him, than him behind us.
We Germans still
aren't allowed to say,
that we didn't find
everything bad in the past.
thought the wall was ok, too.
Alberto let's be frank,
do you believe Sophie can
earn a living with this thing?
don't know her that well, but
she seems to do it passionately
and she seems like she
knows what she wants.
Girls at this age don't
know what they want.
They want what is "in" on TV.
want to be frank with you.
f it was up to me she'd
be working at our company.
Learning how reality works.
Or marrying a man who
can provide her security.
always thought only we people
from the south thought like that.
Don't get me wrong.
don't mean like the Turks,
who only let their women
out of their cages to cook.
don't think it's that
bad with the Turks.
A Turkish marriage
consists of three stations.
Forced marriage,
captivity, honor killings.
You forgot the burka.
Exactly. sn't
that unbelievable.
think the media likes
to exaggerate a bit.
Don't be so naive,
young man. Excuse me.
Von schadohw. Yes.
Ah that's great.
'll be there in an hour.
Bye.
So it's "Von" schadohw?
Yes, Sophie still feels
ashamed about her ancestry.
- But keep it to yourself.
- Of course.
Did you pass
cross-examination already?
Yes, but I think
I'm doing quite well.
Well kids, communication
design, acting.
s nobody interested
in decent jobs anymore?
But they are decent jobs.
Alberto, I like
your political views,
but an actor who mostly
works in a restaurant.
- That's not a career.
- Dad!
That's alright.
A creative should be
able to handle criticism.
n your case, I
think it's a pity
all that creativity only flows
into boring rental contracts.
Creativity on its own
doesn't earn you a living.
And so you, my dear daughter can
keep building your castles in the sky,
your dad has to go out into
the real world and earn money.
Maybe next time we can
meet in your restaurant.
Then at least I can be
creatively served for my money.
Whenever you'd like.
'd be happy to see you.
have to go now.
t was a pleasure.
Bye, my child.
Don't worry about your
fathers opinion too much.
like what you do.
Really?
Yes, really.
But to fight for your
dream is part of the game.
Thank you.
Well said.
Everything alright you two?
just talked to
arno on the phone.
He said to be in his
office tomorrow at noon.
And here is the address.
Thank you, Mrs. Schadohw.
Luise.
Five scaloppine to go.
That's so nice of your mother.
The way you devoured her food,
she'll likely consider
you in her will.
You know, maybe we shouldn't
continue shooting today.
That way you can prepare
for your appointment tomorrow.
think you're right. Thank you.
Then let's continue
the day after tomorrow.
Do you know when
you'll be available?
'm always free
during the day for now.
Great, then let's meet at
the park again at noon?
- Ok.
- Good.
Would you like to
get a coffee together?
- Nothing personal.
- Come on!
Coffee, not sex.
See you in two days.
Noon. And be punctual.
Al Pacino.
Yes, man.
Al Pacino.
Am I seeing right?
s this a dream? Or real?
No brother. t's him.
Os-man. Savior of all oppressed
muslims and freedom fighters.
Selamun aleikum brother.
Save your strength.
Os-man will get you to
Friday prayers on time.
Aleikum selam os-man.
They've been torturing
us for days now
with reality soaps
of the cartdaschians.
One more hour and we
would've become total zombies.
Not so fast, os-man!
Uncle scam. And I thought
my costume is embarrassing.
t was so clear you would
fall for that cheap trap.
Don't even think about it.
For decades you have
occupied the islamic world.
You are responsible for painting
us as evil terrorists all over the world,
while all we want is
to live in peace as well.
But I need a villain,
so I can bomb democracy
in your countries,
while I take your
resources as payment.
And now I'm gonna
use you and your friends
as scapegoats for a bombing.
Ok, uncle scam but
before you kill us.
There is one thing
I have to tell you.
And what is that?
Look over there, an oil well.
Garlic spray.
And 1000 times concentrated.
No...
And we sold them this sh.T.
Thank you os-man,
that you freed us from
the grip of uncle scam.
Since we converted to islam
because of you we finally feel happy.
As a sign of my
deepest gratitude
I want to give you my daughter
and this voucher for a round
trip for two to mekka, as a present.
All-inclusive.
Thank you, hadschi luise,
but in islam, your
daughter can choose herself
which man she wants marry.
And therefore I ask you
Sophie-suleika.
Will you marry me?
You have to wake up.
Sophie?
My son, you have to wake up.
Wake up. Son, you
have to wake up.
Which Sophie are
you talking about?
Sufi not Sophie, daddy.
was dreaming about
sufi celaleddin rumi.
Oh, my lion. That is beautiful.
What time is it?
- 11 am?
- What? 'll be late for my casting.
What casting, my son?
Dad keep your fingers
crossed I have a movie casting.
Maybe I'll be the first
Turkish superhero.
Mr. Giandolce, we are
casting a film for cinema called
"Berlin 9/11: The
coming out of terror."
The movie will be
produced by Valentin.
We're casting the
role of the antagonist.
We're looking for someone
for the role of ahmet
"haram-killer" jihad III.
A Turkish, islamist,
terrorist suicide bomber,
who compensates his
suppressed homosexuality
through terrorist violence.
Because he'd rather
die as a virgin martyr,
than admit his love for a man.
Would you have a
problem with that role?
know it's a demanding role, but
keep in mind, Tom Hanks... Oscar.
Sean penn... Oscar.
William hurt... Oscar.
Jared leto... Oscar.
A role like that will be paid
close attention in the film industry.
Elton John... Oscar.
He didn't receive
that for acting, did he?
Just think: Gay... Oscar.
Oh please excuse me.
No need for that.
Don't mention it.
We live in the 21st century.
Moreover, you are not
alone in the film industry.
No, no, they belong
to a friend of mine.
Of course. Who else?
- Alberto, you have your lines?
- Yes.
And action.
There is no god but god.
You infidels are
going to feel that now.
Ok, ok, I get it.
Be quiet, infidel.
You understand nothing
with your western arrogance.
was a happy young man
until I was at the annual
party of your mayor.
There, he charmed
me the whole evening.
He told me that he's crazy
about me and wants to marry me.
He wanted to show
the world his love for me.
But that is beautiful.
Of course it would
have been beautiful.
But only under one condition.
He said he'll marry me
once the airport is finished.
And you fell for that?
You'll be waiting for years.
No, no. That's why we, inshallah
subanallah with Allah'hutallas
will blow up this airport,
so that he can never
make such promises again.
God is great. God is great.
Thank you.
Bravo.
That was the best turk I've
ever heard from a non-turk.
That sounded totally real.
Tomi, what do you think?
had the impression there was a
real Turkish islamist in front of me.
'm thrilled.
Dude, a gay, islamic,
suicide bomber.
Seriously. mean did
they leave out any cliche?
When your father sees
that, he'll disinherit you.
Dude, I'll be lucky if
he only disinherits me.
You really want to do it?
Not really, but
on the other hand, I'd finally
have something to show.
My father would relax.
Sounds good. This way you
can spare the portrait video.
No, man!
First of all, I only got the
part through her mother.
Second of all: t
would be unfair to her.
And third of all:
find her interesting.
You mean you're crazy about her?
No, but there's something
special about her.
Of course.
You morons.
Peace be with you. 'm
busy. Can I call you back?
Ok... if god is willing.
Oh hi, have you been
standing there for a while?
What did you just
say? Salanum aleikum?
said salami and bacon.
That was my boss from work
and I said we have to still order that.
And at the end? nshallah?
Enchilada.
'm trying to persuade him to add
some Mexican dishes to the menu.
By the way, how
did your casting go?
Quite good. got the
part thanks to your mother.
Happy to hear it.
- Thank you.
- Hey but I'm sure
you convinced them, too.
mean they wouldn't cast
you just because of my mother.
Should we start?
f you didn't talk so much
we could've already started.
Ok.
s that ok?
Perfect.
This must require
a lot of discipline?
And on top some
form of paleo-diet.
So only meat, vegetables
and especially this here: Fruit.
That would do you good too.
So you don't smell like
an ashtray all the time.
Very funny.
Thank you, dad.
'll eat it later.
Can we move on?
Sorry, I don't have eyes
in the back of my head.
s the camera broken?
think the battery
grip is damaged.
might need a new one.
Damnit.
'm sorry.
Wasn't your fault.
Boss, where should I put this?
Don't ask so much.
Just put it somewhere.
- Good day.
- Hello.
How can I help you?
Alberto, could you hold this?
need a new battery
grip. Mine is broken.
Ok, one moment please.
You idiot.
Show them the expensive model,
not the cheapest.
Why is this moron looking at me?
No idea?
Maybe he's gay and wants you.
This grip costs 150 Euros.
Ok, I'll take it.
Uh, do you have
anything cheaper?
Unfortunately not.
That's the only one.
What's that thing in the back?
- Which one?
- The one on the shelf.
That's something different.
Can I still have a look at it?
Get that thing.
Look, it's a battery grip, too.
And only costs 40 Euros.
We'd rather take this.
But this one is reserved.
Oh really?
Should we look somewhere else?
Ok.
Just give them the cheap one.
Or we'll make no business at all.
This is unbelievable.
Unbelievable. Really.
Excuse me.
My colleague made me aware
we have one more in
stock and you can have it.
Sounds much better.
Then we'll take it. We
just need a small discount.
Dis-what?
Discount. Have you never heard
of competition or the Internet?
Of course. 5% is good.
Great. For 10% we'll take it.
And a nice big bag, please.
Get a bag!
just saved you
more than 100 Euros.
Thank you, Alberto!
Boss, does this guy
understand Turkish?
've insulted the
fag so many times.
f he was a turk, he would
have already said something.
Am I right sweetie?
And now piss off.
What?
Oh I just said "have
a nice day" in Turkish.
Ok.
Well then, a heartfelt
"piss off".
From me, too: "Piss off"
"piss off."
Go and get me some tea.
This is all your fault.
They were two real
Turkish picture-book crooks.
didn't want to say
anything but yes.
Typical Turks.
They either lie or cheat.
Seems like someone
had a bad experience.
Let's change the subject.
By the way, I think
we're doing good so far.
've got this acting
scene for you.
thought you could
try some Shakespeare.
Honestly, I'm not good at
Shakespeare and theatre stuff.
Can't we do something modern?
Of course. Do you have an idea?
Rocky and Rambo
probably won't work.
No.
No, then I don't have an idea.
Write something?
That would be ok for me.
've never written
anything before.
Just try it.
We could still find
something classical.
Actually, you're right.
So, why do you
want to be an actor?
guess it's
because of my mother.
Your mother wants
you to be an actor?
My mother loved movies.
Oh... I understand.
'm sorry.
Peace be upon you, dear ahmet.
Just came from Friday prayers
and wanted to come to you.
need my chainsaw usama 9/11.
Yes, because I need it urgently.
Ok, where should we meet?
Oraniensquare?
Ok, then let's meet
at oraniensquare.
n 30 minutes.
Laura, just drive to oraniensquare
and don't let us bother you, ok?
Ay, ay, captain Fifi.
And action.
My son.
- Alberto!
- Yes?
t would be nice if you could
remove your hand from your face.
Look, I got usama 911 back.
hate to interrupt you, but a guy
with a chainsaw is coming towards us.
What's wrong with him?
He looks like captain jihad
on his way to a circumcision.
Do you know this guy?
What does he want?
No idea. Maybe it's a
new spin-off of al-qaida.
But before he breaks the window
and sacrifices us to the holy jihad,
I'd suggest we just drive away.
Shouldn't we call the police?
Police? Hello,
we're in kreuzberg.
Put your foot down.
- Laura, step on the gas.
Thank you again
and I'll call you later.
Bye, and avoid driving
back via kreuzberg.
Hey, Fifi. Don't
fall for Mr. Gelato.
'd like to do one more shot
where you talk about your parents.
You never give up, do you?
No pain, no gain.
Ok, but only if you have
coffee with me afterwards.
Sorry, but I still have to
watch and edit all the material.
You telling me you don't
want to get coffee with me.
That's another way to put it.
All this screening and editing.
You can always work
for your dad, just in case.
Not a bad idea by the way. n
many ways, your father isn't wrong.
- Now you too.
- What?
First my father. Now you.
Did it occur to you, that I
want to make it on my own?
That I don't want to
be put in a made nest.
That I can have the
feeling I did it on my own.
can do it. You
ever had that at all?
Honestly? t's the only thing I
know. wish I had some support.
So that's how it
looks from the outside.
"Sophie doesn't have to worry,
everything has already
been achieved for her"
what is she capable of anyway?
Her father has money.
Where is the difficulty?
Do you know how it feels,
always being told what to do.
Nobody thinks you're
capable of anything.
You aren't allowed to
decide anything on your own.
Reputation is more important
than personal freedom
I can't take it anymore.
'm sick of this crap.
You know what,
you vain macho ape?
This stupid portrait
isn't important anyway.
My father believes that. You
believe that. Everybody believes that.
Why do I even bother?
Just forget it.
What happened to you?
Did I miss something?
Sophie project art academy
My son. What was that today?
What do you mean, dad?
Why didn't you say hello to me?
Were you in the
restaurant today?
No, I was at orianiensquare.
Why? Were you at the restaurant?
Yes, I just finished working.
But I saw you in a car.
n which car dad? was
at the restaurant till now.
- Are you sure?
- Dad, ask my boss.
But why wouldn't
I say hi to you?
My son, I was at
the restaurant today.
But you weren't there.
Are you ashamed
of your own father?
Dad, I can explain everything.
Don't bother. understand.
am very disappointed.
What is it, that you can't
even say hello to your father?
Daddy, please.
No son. Leave me alone.
'm leaving.
Always these men with
their medieval ideas.
"A woman has to find a man.
A woman has to have security".
can't take it anymore.
Will you please stop.
'm also sick and tired of men.
think I'll become a lesbian
or go to a convent.
Speaking of the devil.
'm so not in the
mood to talk with him.
Can't you just call him back?
Hold this.
have to go save the planet.
Say hi from me.
You forgot your notebook.
Tell me when I can return it?
Best Alberto.
Send it to my address
or put it in my mailbox.
think I drowned a spider.
Come on, let's go.
What are you gonna do now?
No idea. think I'll bring
Sophie her notebook.
And then we'll see. Women,
you never know on which day of
the month they have their issues.
can tell you exactly.
Mostly on 30 of 31 days.
Ok but what's next?
You already shot so much.
have no clue.
So this is the end with
madame Spielberg?
Madame "Von" Spielberg.
Did you know she is nobility.
Really?
That means if you marry her,
you'd be the first Turkish nobleman.
Why is she hiding it?
No idea. She wants to make
it on her own without the title.
What a load of bull!
f I had such a title, I would
cast princesses everyday.
You mean for your
little prince down there.
That's not funny.
Typical women.
You do them a favor and receive
a lousy text message as a reward.
She says to send it
or put it in her mailbox.
So?
'll put it in her mailbox.
Cool.
You want us to come with you?
Thank you bro, but I'll
do it alone. See you later.
Ok.
Take care.
Well, I don't know what
he was thinking either.
Anyway, it doesn't matter now.
Yes...
'll be home any
minute. Don't worry, ok?
Yes... ok...
'll call you when I
get up. Ok... ciao.
How was the party?
- You?
- Yes me.
Just wanted to bring
your notebook back.
Look, thanks for the book,
but I'm not in the
mood for talking.
So do yourself a favor
and leave me alone, ok?
Hi!
- Do you have a cigarette for us?
- He doesn't smoke and I'm out.
f you don't have cigarettes,
can you give us money,
so we can get some?
Sorry, I don't give money
to just anyone for cigarettes.
think you should leave now.
G-g-ive us m-m-money
for c-c-cigarettes.
Guys, why don't you
just stop this bullsh.T.
Shut up, you moron.
How much you got?
Hey, leave the girl alone.
Hey, leave him alone.
Piss off.
Hey, there are people watching.
Wait.
Everything alright?
What's the matter?
Damnit. think I
sprained my ankle.
Don't be like that.
'm almost finished.
So.
Done.
Thank you.
You should eat something.
Like any modern woman,
I have nothing in my fridge.
Should I get you something?
s there anything close by?
- Only a kebab store.
- Should I get you a kebab?
- hate kebabs.
- Really?
Not the kebab,
but Turks.
They only want to pick
up women or rip you off.
And I'm sick of it.
think you're exaggerating.
Not all Turks are liars and
cheaters or want to pick up women.
Really?
Some are also women
beaters and islamists.
Did you have a bad experience?
Ah sorry, not my concern.
was 16
and on holiday in
Turkey with my parents.
Ali, an animator at our hotel.
We met every evening.
He brought me a
Rose every night.
He always told me
how beautiful I am
and how much he
was in love with me.
He told me he wanted to study
but due to the needs of his
family he had to go to work.
What can I say.
gave him money.
mean, he was always
polite. trusted him.
Pretty stupid of me.
Anyway he started
to get closer to me.
didn't want it and
tried to get away.
Luckily, some people
from the hotel heard him
and pulled him away from me.
t was only later that I learned
that everything he
told me was a lie.
Now you know why
I like Turks so much.
hate nothing more
than being lied to.
get why you hate Turks now
but sometimes I think
you hate the whole world.
How do you mean?
Why do you make it
so hard for yourself?
With what?
Your family offers you
so many opportunities.
That's not a lot of
opportunities. t's exactly one.
Still many times better
than being a waiter.
Ok, yesterday I was waiting tables
and today I have a role in a movie.
How do you manage
to be so self-confident?
s that something Italian?
No idea. To be honest,
I've never thought about it.
That's exactly what I mean.
You don't even care why.
You don't have to
pretend to be something.
You don't think
about who you are.
You just are.
don't like to admit it
but I admire that about you.
'm not that admirable.
'm full of self-doubts.
My father doesn't
respect me at all,
but you just follow your goal.
Why don't you use
your opportunities?
don't want to be
just the "daughter".
want to make it on my own.
can do it.
Why doesn't anybody believe me?
Sophie?
Sophie?
Sophie... how's your head?
'm looking forward
to our next shoot.
Kreuzberg center
- and then?
- Well...
After he saved me, I offered
to take care of his wound.
And then the macho
tried to sleep with you.
No.
He didn't.
Well, then he tried to
put his hands all over you?
He didn't do that either.
Then he must be gay.
've heard of a lot of
macho-Italians that are actually gay.
mean it all makes
sense, doesn't it.
Just think about it, all
those styled hair cuts.
And the body-cult.
should have seen it earlier.
Are you missing anything
in your apartment?
Since I had this strange
experience with this one guy
I let the guys clap their hands
when I go to the bathroom.
Laura!
What am I supposed to do?
Anyway, will you see him again?
have one thing left to shoot.
And he deserves his tape.
Besides all my work
would have been in vain
and my father would
think he was right.
'm meeting him in 2 hours.
Let's see if he's
finally on time.
And then...
- Hey!
- Hi.
Ten minutes early?
Just to be safe, I thought.
Ok.
Do you need a rehearsal?
No, let's just start right
away. Are you ready?
Yes, I'm ready.
Camera is rolling.
And action.
Superman, Batman,
spiderman.
Ever since I can remember
I wanted to be a hero.
A hero that does heroic deeds.
A hero who is
loved by the people.
A hero who fights evil and wins.
A hero who saves the girl.
But then I realized
all heroes are lonely.
Superman lives in
the fortress of solitude.
Batman is lonely.
And spiderman will
never get Marie Jane.
Although the world
admires and loves them
they're lonely.
Although everybody
wants to be like them
they're lonely.
But not only are they lonely,
they have to pretend
to be somebody else.
Although they fight
for truth and justice
they have to live a lie.
don't want to be
a hero anymore.
don't want to lie to be close
to the people I care about.
don't want to be
a hero anymore.
just want to be myself.
Myself.
Do you think that was ok?
t was good.
Really good.
How did you come up with this?
Heroes. That theme has
preoccupied my entire life.
didn't know you could
write from the heart like that.
wanted to do
something that is real.
Authentic and believable.
Have you ever thought
about writing more?
No.
Maybe you should.
'll think about it.
So, you mean a hero would
never reveal his true identity
even if he loves a woman?
The woman loves the
hero, not his true self.
But the hero is
part of his true self.
The hero is brave.
Bravery means you have
to overcome your fear.
The hero hides his fear.
But his true self is afraid.
What does he
have to be afraid of?
Rejection?
That people wouldn't like
the person behind the hero.
Why wouldn't people like him?
You don't like Turks either,
because of one bad experience.
That is something
totally different.
t's not.
What if it was a Turkish
superhero? Would you like him?
What kind of question is
that? A Turkish superhero?
Nevermind.
n two days I have
my first day of shooting
and if you want
to come visit me...
Thank you.
But I have to finish
the video till tomorrow.
The day after tomorrow they
will decide whether I pass or not.
And I have to stay free.
Ok, but in case you want
to come just let me know.
Ok.
have to go now. still
have to prepare a few things.
You'll call me when
you're finished?
Sure.
Well, ok then.
Till then.
Till then.
made it.
They liked it. 'm
in the final round.
And what's next?
When is your final test?
n two days. But I would like
to thank Alberto beforehand.
'll surprise him on
set. Can you drive me?
Of course.
20 Euros.
Ok, because it's a beautiful
day and I like you I'll do it for 30.
Mr. Giandolce.
The office is asking for
the rest of your papers.
Your tax card is missing.
'll bring it with me tomorrow.
Ciao Alberto.
t's your premiere today.
Alberto bin laden!
Already in kebab mode?
- Yes.
- Tommy, please.
Wow, I thought we'd
be at a real airport.
t's all digital today. Nobody
will notice the difference.
Everyone will think
we're at a real airport.
Men, women, kids...
ncredible.
'm curious how far they are.
There.
Can I come in?
Sure, it's fine.
was learning my lines,
but I think I'll take a break.
You were really
good at the casting.
And now in costume.
ncredible. Scary.
hate this Turkish islamist
terrorist-scumbag already.
Thank you.
We'll open people's
eyes with this movie.
About islam and the Turks.
What do you mean?
That behind every turk or
Muslim there is a potential terrorist.
You really think that?
Of course, when you think
about what they do with dissidents.
Especially with gays.
Yeah but surely that's
a bit exaggerated.
Of course, but we just
show the hard-hitting reality.
What's the matter with you?
Do you know the feeling
when you have to pretend
to be something you're not?
Play a role?
Of course baby.
know it too damn well.
What if you don't want
to live a lie anymore?
Getting ready for shooting.
All actors on set
please. Thank you.
Look, it honors you
but don't overthink it.
Just focus on your career.
Focus on g-power!
Attention please.
We're ready to shoot.
Quiet on set for shooting.
Ok Alberto.
And remember. Make
it mean and aggressive.
- More Turkish?
- Yes!
- More islamistic?
- Exactly.
More ghetto-kanak-style?
didn't want to say
it but, yes, yes, yes!
Roll sound.
Sound is rolling.
Roll camera.
Camera is rolling!
And action!
There is no god but god
and you infidels are
about to feel that now.
Why are you doing this?
Because we hate your freedom.
Your scantily dressed women
presenting their attractions.
Your reality soaps
and especially your
same-sex partnerships
and their tax equality
compared to normal families.
Only a few minutes
and we all will die.
Except for me and my brothers.
We will continue to live
in paradise
with 270 virgins.
Are you sure you
want the virgins?
The way you look
at your brothers,
I think you'd rather prefer
270 brothers in your paradise.
Shut up, infidel.
Shut up.
can't.
can't do this. This is...
You know I'm sick and tired of
pretending to be someone else.
'm sick and tired of lying.
What's the matter?
Are you improvising?
'm sick of lying
to people I like
just because I'm afraid
they wouldn't like me
if they knew who I really was.
'm sick of keeping my mouth
shut, when they bad-mouth my kind.
'm sick of keeping
my mouth shut
because I'm afraid
of not getting a role.
've had enough of pretending,
and that is why I only
want to tell you one thing.
Stop!
Don't say another word,
I knew it from the beginning,
but now since I know I'm
not alone, it's much easier.
should have done this earlier.
Yes, me too. 'm gay too.
G-power!
Alberto is gay?
knew it.
Thank you, Tom,
but I just wanted to say...
'm not Italian.
Sorry.
'm a turk and that's fine.
A turk?
This role is the biggest
propaganda crap.
And I understand why you
didn't cast a turk to play the role.
Go find somebody else
that will play this crap for you.
Bravo!
knew the non-turk was a turk.
This will have consequences.
We have a contract.
haven't signed anything yet.
'm in the hotel.
Call me when you find a
new turk. Karin, come on.
Sophie, what are you doing here?
Doesn't matter now.
Seems I was right
about you Turks all along.
You're all liars and deceivers.
Sophie wait.
wanted to tell you.
But after you told me your
story I knew you would hate me.
was afraid, you wouldn't
finish the demo with me.
don't want to hear anything
else from you. Let go of me.
Sophie?
Just leave her alone, ok?
have to go.
have a date.
Ok.
'll pick you up tonight, ok?
Ok.
Hey and thanks again.
Hey Fifi, hold your
head up high, ok.
Ok, now beat it.
- Have fun.
- Thank you.
Sophie!
Sophie, please. Hear me out.
To be honest, I'm not interested
in hearing anything from you.
Just forget about everything.
We are so much better,
Ms. "Von" schadohw.
We never lie about our
background. t's just others that lie.
Your father talked too much.
That is something
totally different.
'd have advantages
with my name.
lied to my disadvantage.
Of course. Your
lies are much better.
You could have never
explained a turk to your parents.
You would have
been ashamed of me.
That is nonsense.
Do you have any idea how
hard it is to get a role as a turk.
All you get are drug
dealers and kebab vendors.
And lately, gay terrorists.
Not even you wanted a turk.
So I improvised.
Then I realized you were cool
and I wanted to tell you.
But then I got the role
through your mother.
Then I couldn't
tell you anymore.
When you told me about
your bad experience with Turks,
I couldn't tell you either.
wanted to tell
you after the movie.
But then I never got the chance.
Ok.
Thank you.
Can I go now?
Of course, if you like.
Yes, I want to.
Will we see each other again?
'll send you your
tape when I'm done.
So it's all over just
because I'm a turk.
No.
Because you lied to me.
Dear god.
Please forgive me for having
hurt people that were close to me.
Help me to make
the right decisions.
El fatiha.
May god accept it.
Thank you dad. 'm sorry I...
know, son.
When I proposed to your
mother "may god bless her"
I lied to my father-in-law.
was only a simple bagel
seller and pretended to be
the owner of a bagel shop.
Just to pretend to
be something better.
wanted to impress
my father-in-law,
to show I am worthy
of his daughter.
had to uphold that
lie until his death.
Your mother was always
angry at me for that.
She loved me as I was.
A man is not his job or money,
but only his character.
Thank you, dad.
Sorry.
Yes, berkan?
What's the matter?
Sophie is leaving Berlin.
She is going back to
Munich to work for her dad.
How do you know that?
Come on, tell him.
Talk!
t's a bit embarrassing
but I was in a hairdressing shop
and looking at
extensions. Now you know.
Are you happy now?
Anyway I met
Sophie's cute friend.
You mean Laura.
Exactly.
We chatted about hairstyles
and she told me Sophie
is leaving in an hour
and it didn't work
out with the university.
Thank you bro. You're the
best. love you so much.
- have to go.
- Should we take you?
No, I have to go on my own.
Extensions, dude?
Shut up, ok.
Why? Why?
Leave me alone!
told you these art ideas
only bring you in touch
with shady individuals.
All that work and
time you wasted
only to fail your final test.
Fritz, the portrait got
her in to the final round.
Only that final
interview didn't go well.
At least now you
can work with us.
And forget about this nonsense.
Fritz, enough is enough.
Those fantasies
will get you nowhere.
kept my mouth shut too often.
should have talked some
sense in to you earlier.
Excuse me, sir,
but it wasn't your
daughter's fault, it was mine.
think it's better for you to
stay out of this, young man.
- No, Mr. Von schadohw.
- Let it be.
've made a lot of mistakes.
don't want you to make the same.
You love what you do.
Do you want to let go of your dream
because of a stupid art academy?
You want to create
art. Then do it.
Why don't you follow your dream?
You want to do it on your own.
Well, you're right. Then do it.
Enough. Get in the
car. We're leaving now.
- Sophie!
- Get in the car!
And you, young man,
leave my daughter alone
with this art crap! s that clear?
Who does he think
he is? That rude artist.
Thank god the
academy didn't take you.
God forbid what other nut
cases of yours I would have met.
He is not a nutcase.
And he's not so wrong.
Have you ever thought
about what I want, daddy?
What makes your daughter
happy? For one second?
21 years, my child.
Sophie!
Fritz, sit down. Don't
make a fool of yourself.
Of course you would defend her.
don't need to. She
can do that all by herself.
Hi.
Hi.
thought you left.
wanted to give
you your demo tape.
Thank you.
And what will you do now?
A wise person once said, you
should follow your own path.
think that's what I'll do.
want to tell my own stories.
Create something myself.
Do you have an idea?
Yes.
t's about somebody who
pretends to be someone else
because he thinks he'll
reach his goal faster.
like that.
And how does the story end?
t depends on the
woman in the story.
What's the movie's title?
How about the "Hollywood turk"?
You think someone
will go see that?
hope so.
just need a good director.
Did you know I'd like to
do something like that.
Really? What a coincidence.
And how would you pay
your hard working director?
think I have an idea.
How about a kebab
menu every night?
That sounds like a good start.
Very good Giancarlo,
I am genaro morelli
and this is bonita berarri.
The Hollywood turk
a gay Italian turk.
Just think: Gay... Oscar.
G-power!
Go away.
Bro, forgive me please.
've only written two dozen
successful TV-movies,
so feedback from an
amateur actor is appreciated.
Wow, they are super-sweet.
They are super-sweet.
A 5 euro bill.
We can party
really hard with that.
Sorry you're nice but I'm
done with that kind of thing.
Meat for my Turkish
friend but not pig.
Because pig is haram.
t's mega haram.
Attention please we're
ready for shooting.
Quiet for shooting.
knew this would
look good on you.
Really.
know this sounds a bit strange
but I really thought
about getting extensions.
Really?
Just recently, I was
looking at extensions
in a hairdressing shop.