The Honeymoon (2023) Movie Script
1
[mosque prayer sounds]
FIVE DAYS EARLIER
[Black Zam by Mr. Kamera, William Aberioh]
[phone chimes]
[Noks] It's bachelorette time baby!
[Lu] Ooh! I can't wait, I'm in!
What? No!
Noks, my wedding is literally tomorrow.
How many times do we have
to do this?
Tonight, we celebrate with my family.
There is no time for a bachelorette-
Ya! And whose fault is that, hey?
I been saying let's do something,
but nooooo!
You bitches are too busy as usual.
Ah, save it for the camera, Drama Queen.
I've been planning a whole wedding.
Yeah. I've also been super busy!
Ow... with what?
Mom. School. Life. Kids.
If you can stay on the bench,
then you can stay away from? Danger!
That's correct.
Nothing I can't handle, though.
Why can't we just go out,
knock back some shots,
just drool over some well oiled,
muscular bodies?
Ooh! Get some dick in our faces!
And then do the
friends and family special. Hm?
Oh, my God! No, Noks.
Oh, I should have planned
your freek'n wedding.
For once, can we please do what I want?
Oh, come on, guys.
We just don't do anything fun anymore!
Yes! We seriously need a fun night out.
And tonight is that fun night.
We're going to dance.
We're going to eat good food.
We're going to celebrate.
It's going to be beautiful.
You're right, Kat, you're right.
I mean, who wants to be throwing back
shots with naked men...
Who's naked, Mom?
No-one's naked, baba, it's just a joke.
I mean, no one wants to be in the club
until 5am.
You know, not me!
Tonight's about you.
And nothing would make me happier
than to have my two best friends
who I haven't seen in forever,
by my side.
Of course, Babe.
We'll see you tonight...
Thabiso!
I love you. Bye, bye, bye!
Bye. I'll see you later.
[phone chimes off]
Noks?
What?
[Kat] We're on the same page, right?
My mother's house. Tonight, 7pm.
And, please... don't be late.
Arggg... I'll be there. Okay.
But I need you to step back
and see the sadness of your decisions.
Love you. Bye!
Arrived with this beautiful note.
[Vivaan] "Flowers die, this lasts forever"
"Flight lands at 8pm.
Can't wait to see you."
Shouldn't you be
wrapped up in seaweed. Hm?
Drinking champagne with the girls?
Don't get me started.
Noks wants to have a
bachelorette tonight.
What's wrong with that?
Drinking all night. Hangovers!
Walk of shame?
No, thank you.
You're getting married, Darling.
You're not becoming a nun.
Well, Vivaan's not having one either.
Mm-mm.
You know, an article like this
should have read,
"Power Couple Tie The Knot".
The article's about the label.
And we are the label.
No, the label is Vivaan.
That's his name.
That's not an "US" name. This, all of this.
This is you, you deserve that cover.
It doesn't matter who gets the credit.
Vivaan and I are partners
in life and work.
Mm-mm, so why not mention you
as the one and only designer?
Frankie, you are in top form today.
And what about you? Hmm?
What about the dream to debut at
Africa Fashion Week?
That's a work in progress.
Look, don't be scared, baby-girl.
Just say: Vivaan - It's Katya's time now.
Yeah, sure.
Right! Ladies, ladies,
let's go. Let's go.
Arms out. Straight as a hanger, please.
Thank you. Ooh, oh.
Hello and welcome right back to another
episode of "Catching Up with Kita".
The location for the information.
And guys, today we're talking about,
you know, award winning actress
Josephine Dlamini?
Well, no, not her-her daughter Nokuthula,
aka Noks, guys, this girl, aghhh,
I cannot.
We're talking urination,
red carpet diva-nation,
1st decapitation on daytime televation.
I mean, somebody
give me a beat, right? What?
And now... dis-integration!
Check it out.
Oh, oh yeah!
Oh, yeah.
All you need is one jizz!
Yeah.
Put your logo over that
and see your sales spike.
Do you know who the fuck I am?
I invented daytime ratings.
I am the reason telenovela's exist. Me!
I hold the record
for the returning from the dead.
Me! Not you!
Not Stefano Dimera... Me!
Because even when I'm dead,
I don't die.
That's... I mean, that's not me, right?
You know that show used me to
boost their daily ratings, right?
Like they should be thanking me.
In fact, we should sue!
I love it.
We're suing?
[PR Agent] We can use this as an
opportunity to get you on the big screen.
A movie?
A Sci-fi feature film,
set in the year 3000.
You can play the Alien Queen. Hey?
- Hey?
- LOL!
But wait, ah, is this like a suit thing,
or is this like a human thing?
Why?
How are my fans going to know
that it's me.
[PR Agent] Nobody cares, Babe.
This is a feature film with a big paycheck.
Only thing is, the director's looking for
somebody that has a million followers.
I've got 800,000, Baby!
Sign a bitch up!
A million, that's his number.
What am I supposed to do?
Okay, so we buy a few followers.
[PR Agent] You can't
afford that right now. [laughing]
Hey, we're going to have to do this
the old fashioned way.
Stick to your, like, I don't know,
your crazy outbursts.
And the parties and the exotic locations
and the challenges.
And fucking leak a nude.
You know what I'm saying?
Influencer shit!
That's what I'm talking about.
- Ja! Genius!
- Ja.
We just get some sponsors, right?
Private jets here we come!
Right?
Not after that. Hey? Noksy?
I'll do a campaign.
The hottest parties in the country.
Okay. All right.
But then add some shit to it.
You know what I'm saying?
There's the cake-face-smashing oke?
And the person that does the, you know,
whatever, they set themselves on fire.
You want me to set myself on fire?
No! Something along those lines,
you know what I mean?
I mean, obviously,
I mean, if the opportunity arises.
You understand what I'm saying?
I'm saying get those followers up
and let's make some fuck'n money.
- Ja?
- Okay. Okay.
- Ja? Okay?
- Okay, okay.
And and remember,
if you don't get this, we done.
Okay. So what do you do?
You DBK.
DON'T BE KAK!
Alright?
DBK.
Ja. Whoo! Okay.
DBK!
[Tere Naal Soniye by Brendan Nagan]
[Itzy Bitzy by Mr. Kamera]
Welcome to #Party-a-day, people!
Party-people! Yeah! Yeah!
This is your new destination for
the hottest parties, the sexiest people,
and shit you just won't believe!
Oh! So follow @noksrocks to
see how wild #Party-a-day gets.
Shots on me!!!
Shots! Shots! Shots!
Noks?
What's up?
I'm at a work thing.
I'm at a friend thing...
The one you're supposed to be at.
Shit. Yeah! I know.
That's why I said
I just finished that work,
and I'm on my way.
[indian music plays softly]
Babe, you made it.
Italy was the best thing that
could have happened to us.
They offered me a deal.
They're buying our designs?
No, gosh no. It's bigger than that.
Bigger than us?
They want me to create a line for
Africa Fashion Week.
Vivaan today, Versace tomorrow,
or Armani, who knows?
Let them fight over me.
We're going to Africa Fashion Week?
There's more... the best part.
I'm moving to Italy.
Italy!
Yes, I know!
I can't believe it too.
Okay. How does this work?
Do we move there permanently?
Do we split our time?
Yes. Yes, and that is exactly why
I can't marry you, Kitty Kat.
What-the-fuck?
You just wait and see,
this is going to be
good for us. For you.
How is this good for me?
You need this time to figure
out what you want.
I know what I want.
I want us to get married tomorrow,
like we planned.
Vivaan, we invited all these people,
the venue, the food, the...
Babe...
I mean, we love each other
and we can get through anything.
You do still love me, right?
Mm-mm, always Kitty.
- But, right now.
- Yes.
It's over.
[tabla drum intensifies]
[Lu] Okay, my Babe!
[Noks] I'm going to, hmm...
That mother-fucker...
we're gonna go to his place...
we're going to tie him up, right?
- No!
- Why not?
Why can't we just take that
little thing of his
and chop it up into a million
fucking tiny pieces?
Noks! You're making it worse.
How is this any worse than
Vivaan dumping her?
I didn't get dumped.
Oh... Oh, so there's a wedding tomorrow?
No.
Did Vivaan say when you're
getting married?
Did he even say anything
about your future?
No, and no.
It's not over!
He's just scared.
And being scared is perfectly normal.
WTF, Lu...
Why are you feeding her this trash?
You... you need to do something.
You need to make sure
Vivaan is forgotten... tonight!
I don't want to forget him!
Just hold this... I need to call him.
No, no, no-do you think that's
a good idea, Babe?
Yes, he needs to know
I'm going to wait for him.
Not tonight, Angel.
No, tonight!
Yeah... tonight!
Tonight, alright, he will know.
We're going to show him.
Oh, he will know!
Get dressed.
I said... get dressed!
[Kat] Can we just go home?
- [Noks] OMG, can you drive any slower?
- [Lu] Where are we?
[Lu] Noks, put your seat belt on.
It's on, man.
Slow down, slow down.
I know where we are.
I also live here.
You "lived" here. "Lived", okay?
Called off wedding equals...
This is not your house anymore. Let's go.
Let's go home.
Uh-uh! Get out.
No...
- Get out!
- No.
Fine. Be the lookout then.
No, guys don't leave me!
Guys, what are you doing?
[Lu] Okay, this way.
[Lu] There's a camera, face this way.
[comical music plays]
[Lu] Okay, let's be quick please.
I need to get back to Andile and the kids.
[Lu] Don't make a mess, Noks!
[Noks] He must get the message
that he sucks.
[Lu] He still has to
clean it in the morning.
Oh, my God! No!
Look, look at yours, it's falling.
Do you need help?
You probably tell your kids
how to wipe their ass, don't you?
Well, that's what you do when
you're a mother, Noks.
[Noks] Well, don't freek'n judge me then.
[Noks] It's not a school project.
[Lu] I'm going to put it here
in the bushes.
But like, I've got to protect
the flowers as well.
Like we can't damage them.
Look, I'm not even ruining
the plants, Babe.
It's messy, but it's safe.
[Noks] Fuck his flowers, man!
Noks, you've got to clean
up after yourself,
so don't leave the toilet paper
running everywhere.
[Noks] You know what?
I'm sick of this shit.
It's time to level up, Baby!
No, Noks, no.
That's vandalism. Noks!
He's lucky we don't burn his house down.
Ground me later, Mom.
Stop calling me Mom.
Stop acting like one.
I'm not acting like a mom
I am a mom.
No, Noks!
We're going to get into so much trouble.
No, no, no!
Consider this a compliment.
Hey?
- [Noks] Hey?
- [Lu] Okay, that's funny.
Hey?
Ooh, ooh, be a real friend,
be a real friend.
Take a picture, n.
- [Noks] Landscape, landscape. Ready?
- [Lu] Okay, wait.
[Kat] Guys! Stop it!
Stop it! You have to stop
this right now. Stop!
[Noks] I call this one an Eye-for-an-Eye.
[Lu] Kat, move out of the way.
No, no more photos.
[Noks] Kat, man, you're ruining my shot.
[Lu] No, don't worry, I got it.
- [Kat] Delete it. Delete it right now.
- [Lu] No, uh-uh!
- No, Kat.
- Delete it.
This is not a portrait of his penis.
It's a portrait of Vivaan,
because he's a dick!
Hey! What's going on here?
Shit! Dammit! Lady!
Noks! Are you crazy?
What the hell?
I told you we should not have come here.
No witnesses.
I won't say anything to anyone.
I promise.
You better mind your own business, lady.
We know where you live.
Ya! You don't want us showing up there.
- [Kat] Ja!
- [Noks] Now get up!
[Noks] Slower!
Slower!
Ja! Now go back.
[Kat] Yeah, back it up.
More... some more!
Stop.
Hey wena, don't forget...
Snitches get stitches!
- [Noks] Now, run! Run!
- [Lu] Hamba! Pfff!
Ah, guys, let's get the hell out of here.
[Kat] Man, I'm hungry.
- [Noks] Me too.
- [Lu] This is insane.
[Gangstress by Bizzcuit]
[panicked voice]
We're being robbed!
[Lu] Three Big Daddy meals.
Three Big Daddy Burger meals!
Oh, would you like cokes,
or milkshakes with that?
I don't know what your sugar
preferences are, but I don't want to die.
I'm just a student.
My girlfriend, she was going to leave me
because I couldn't afford a holiday.
That's how I ended up here
on the graveyard shift.
And now I'm going to die here.
How's she going to react to that?
I won't know, 'cause I'll be dead.
No holiday. Just dead.
No, no, no, don't do that!
Now I know what you look like!
I don't wanna know that.
I don't want to know that.
I don't wanna know that!
Keep the change.
[laughing]
"No holiday, just dead"
Mmmm, these burgers are the best.
Mm, but they're not as good as Pappa G's.
That was 15 years ago.
No, it wasn't.
Yeah, it burnt down after
our graduation night.
Ah, I remember graduation night.
James dumped Kat.
Then there was a fight.
No, no, no, no, no.
James and Kat were together before Vivaan.
He had the sexy brush cut.
This guy had that oily slick-back.
Luke!
Crazy Luke!
Terry. His name was Terry.
Cherry-Terry!
He chose ballet over me.
And you punched him in the face
and threatened to break his legs.
Ja, he deserved it!
Mama Bear!
Ah! Where did that girl go?
Into a mini-van.
No, I'm serious.
I'm also serious.
But you know what?
We're there for each other
when it matters.
Like tonight.
Man, I did not see tonight going this way.
[Noks] Actually! Fuck Vivaan, hey!
You never gave him a chance.
Hello?
Did you not just see what happened?
Noks, you don't know anything about us.
We have a life together.
You make compromises.
You fit in and you don't just
walk away from that.
Hm, sounds like he did.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
I don't expect you to understand.
Vivaan and I are getting married soon.
You know what?
I would appreciate it
if you put on a decent dress,
and showed up on time for once.
Well, that was an overreaction.
- You don't have timing, man.
- Oh! Did I dump her?
[Kat] I didn't get dumped!
Kat!
Ah!
Kat!
Please answer your phone,
please answer your phone,
please answer your phone.
[Vivaan] You've reached I, Vivaan Singh.
Leave a message.
[Lost by Moneek]
Answer your fucking phone!
[Vivaan] You've reached I...
Here's a little something to
start your life together...
Answer your fucking phone, please.
Wishing you a lifetime of happiness
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck you!
What the...
WTAF...
Hah... hah!
Ja, ja, ja.
I told you this day is gonna come.
Ha-a-ha!
Hmm?
Norman! What-the-fuck?
What is this?
Hey, Noks. This time it's for real.
Hey, dude...
We were smoking joints last night, n?
Mm-mm.
Not a word. Not even a heads up
that you're going to kick me out?
I didn't have a choice.
You haven't paid rent for six months!
Now I was fine when you were famous
and things were going well.
But I saw Social Media...
it's not going well.
Why can't you be like Josh?
Josh is always paying rent on time.
Come on... it's always something with you.
"My car", or whatever...
Hi, Norman. Hi Noks.
Fuck you, Josh!
And your rent-paying-weirdo-self.
His parents are going through something.
Sorry about your parents, Josh.
Where am I supposed to stay, hey Norman?
Oh, one of your hot friends.
I'm sure one of them has a couch?
Dude... Lu has a baby making factory.
And Kat just got dumped.
Eish!
I know. Night before her wedding even.
Yoh, that's the saddest thing I've heard
since the last time you paid your rent.
I'm being for real, though.
What do you think's she's gonna do
with the honeymoon?
I don't know, hey.
Probably save it for the next guy!
I'd never waste that
honeymoon, girl, 'cmon.
I'd invite my friends.
We're doing shots, we're eating.
We're partying every day.
She must know that I'm doing just fine.
Everyone must know that I'm doing fine.
Parties and islands.
[Norman] Because, you know,
these honeymoon places, they freaky.
Yass! Heartache for what?
No problems with me.
Norman, I gonna come back
with your money, n.
Hey hey hey, Noks!
I'm not a storage facility.
You are a bloody genius!
Siri, call wet Kitty and Lu...
I'm never going to get rid of this woman.
This is going to be my life forever.
You better come back
and get these things, hey,
otherwise I'm selling them online.
This is seven days in paradise.
We can celebrate.
No, no, no, no, no.
Comfort your breakup on an island
with some cocktails and...
Adventure, jet skiing,
paragliding - ooh, diving, guys!
Lu, you sound like a tourism ad, baby.
Yeah for adventure!
I mean, I even heard
these exotic places have fight clubs.
- What-the-fuck?
- It's just something I read.
Kat, Vivaan said he wants space.
So let's be spaced out, all the way
in Zanzibar.
Absolutely not!
No.
Yes!
Yes.
No!
Yes! Vivaan has already paid for us.
Lu can pay for herself.
I'll totally pay for myself.
- [Kat] I said no!
- [Lu] I'm chilled.
Aah! Lu, make this happen for us, baby.
How do you expect me to do that, Noks?
Noks!
These girls will drive me crazy.
[door opens]
[Andile] Baby, I'm home.
Where are the kids?
Hey, hey, baby!
Oh, baby, your voice?
I think you need to get it checked
because there's a flu going around.
- [seductive music plays]
- Wha... Really...
What's going on?
What's going on, Babe?
Anything...
Anything you want!
Babe, you look so sexy.
Mm-mm.
But wait, where are the kids?
I left them with your mom.
We have about 2 hours left.
Okay.
But, baby, you know, the
kids eat here, right?
So can you.
Baby, I'm tired, I had a long day.
Uh-mm.
Look, let me take a shower, okay?
You'll meet me upstairs.
Okay?
Okay.
Okay.
I thought you might be hungry,
since you haven't eaten all day.
And Jai is busy clearing
up all the presents.
[Kat] Was it bad?
Some would say it was a winner.
You broke every single present.
You know what? It was really nice
to see the girls yesterday.
Not the best of circumstances, I admit.
But it was really,
really nice to see them.
They haven't been home
for such a long time.
You should have seen them last night.
They were on top form.
Noks hates Vivaan.
In fact, I don't think she's
ever liked him.
And Lu, well, she's...
always just busy with her life.
And now they want you to turn your
honeymoon into an adventure.
Of course they called you.
Your best friends just want to
be there for you.
Why does that upset you?
[Kat] They don't want to do it for me.
Anyway, I can't leave.
Vivaan and I need to sort this out.
- Ah, Vivaan-and-I, Vivaan-and-I...
- And then we can...
Vivaan has made his decision.
He knows what he wants.
It's time for you to decide what you want.
So tell me something.
Are you going to give him space
or are you going to let him... go?
What space? What space is everyone
talking about?
And let him go?
Mum, I didn't get dumped!
Right now, I just need the space.
Okay? I need some space.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, calm down.
I can see there's a lot to think about.
But you know what the best thing is?
You don't have to decide right now.
Hmm?
Get some rest.
Goodnight, Mum.
Night.
[incoming message]
[TT by Driks feat. Jahyanai]
Yessss!
It's so beautiful!
We're in Zanzibar!
[Lu] Yay, this is so beautiful.
[Noks] Wow.
- Hey! Man!
- This is such a mess.
Bad service.
[Lu] Oh, we should get housekeeping, Babes.
[Noks] Ja...
- Beach? Yes!
- Beach! Ja!
- Oh, yeah, whoo!
- Jaaaass!
Single-and-ready-to-mingle.
- Get your bum here.
- Come here. Come!
[Noks] Come, Kitty Kat!
[TT by Driks feat. Jahyanai]
[camera clicks]
I'm over it.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Yeah, I think I'm also over it, Babe.
Okay, guys, take five.
Guys, I really shouldn't
be drinking so much.
Vivaan and I are on a detox.
You need a detox from Vivaan.
- Whatever.
- Okay, you know what guys?
I'm gonna get myself a drink.
- [Lu] Hello.
- [Barman] Thank you.
Can I have a coconut, please?
Yes please!
Thank you.
Oh.
[island style music plays softly]
Enjoy.
[phone buzz]
Hello?
Hey, Babe.
How was your flight?
Any problems?
No problems.
[Andile] Any problems at the airport?
[Lu] No, just a smooth entry.
[Andile] And what about the hotel?
Everything's fine, Babe.
We're chilling at the resort,
you know, being safe.
What you guys up to?
Well, we're having swimming lessons
with the boys.
[Lu] Ah, without me!
[Andile] Ah, don't worry. I got this.
I know.
[Andile] One more thing.
Did you check your safety kitbag?
Yes, all checked.
Okay.
Sunscreen... three times a day
because sunburn...
- Leads to sun poisoning.
- [Andile] Leads to sun poisoning.
I've got it, Babe.
[Andile] And you have your anti-histamine
just in case you flare up and
run out of oxygen.
There's the water purifier,
there's the diarrhea tabs,
- there's nausea tablets
- Nausea tablets,
Portable phone, charger and crow
extraction kit.
[Andile] Trust me, you do not
want to mess with a house crow.
Alright...
now have fun and relax.
Yay.
[Andile] Boys say "I love you, Mom".
Love you, Mom!
Love you, boys!
[Andile] I love you, Babe. Cheers.
- [phone chimes off]
- Bye.
- [message received]
- Oh, Andile!
My poor kids.
[Lu sighs deeply]
[Lu] Thank you!
[Barman] You are welcome.
[fast drum taraab music plays]
[Lu, Noks, Kat]
Cheers.
Oh, my God.
These are so beautiful, guys.
Exotic wardrobe choice, Noks.
It took me all of 5 minutes
to get dressed.
It's a bathrobe.
Okay.
Come to think of it,
I didn't see you with bags, Babes?
Ja, I'm a light traveler, hey.
But what about tomorrow?
I don't know, Mom.
We're not there yet.
Stop calling me Mom!
Well then, stop momming me.
[guitar strumming]
You looks so beautiful
out here tonight
Can't help but stare at your eyes
I'm gonna love you for the
rest of your life
I wanna make you my wife
So take my hand
Hold me tight
I'm gonna love you for
the rest of my life
Okay! Thank you!
Thank you!
- [Lu] Yes!
- [Noks] That's enough, thank you.
Babe, I think we should totally
have the octopus.
Ya, I think calamari is better. Hey?
Guys, I'm heading back.
Kat, we haven't even ordered dinner yet.
Kat!
[Kyle] Ladies! It's a glorious night
for fun and games!
So you wanna play with my poi?
Now, listen here!
If you think we are some skanky little...
I mean, these.
Oh, oh, oh.
I thought you meant, um...
It's a hard "No".
Um...
I'm interested.
Oh, Mrs. Bubble-Wrap!
Let's go have some fun.
Why the hell not!
Hah, Lu!
- Lu! Ah man, Lu!
- Don't wait up.
Who's gonna pay for this meal?
Vivaan, I know it's not perfect,
but that's love, right?
Love is not perfect.
- Message sent.
- And, I'm okay with that.
Hello?
[Vivaan] You've reached I, Vivaan Singh.
Leave a message.
Darling! We got cut off.
I think we just need to take
a deep breath, regroup,
and then get married next week.
[Voice note: The mailbox is full]
[phone beeps off]
Stupid lady!
Any rum left to share?
[Kat-surprised shout]
- [Kat] Get away from me, stalker!
- Stop throwing coconuts!
What's wrong with you?
- [Kat] Why you watching me?
- Oh my goodness!
[Kat] Oh, wait... I know you!
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
Oh, my God, I know you.
You're a very famous actor.
Like very famous.
Not me.
Really?
I'm Darius.
So what are you doing here?
I'm on my honeymoon.
With my best friends.
Okay?
Because my fianc dumped me
the night before my wedding.
That's so messed up.
I know.
No, no...
No! Calm down, like...
He didn't dump me or anything.
We just, you know, need space,
everything's going to be fine, right?
Right?
Now that I'm here with my best friends,
who are super hot by the way,
what are you doing tonight?
You know it!
Yeah.
Hey, I'll see you in the morning.
You're going to be okay?
Yeah. Think about it.
Me and my friends.
All four of us.
When in Rome,
Damian... Darryl-
Darius.
Yes, Darius. We know!
Keep walking, Katya!
To your bright, bright future!
Whoo, whoo...
[taraab music plays]
[crowd cheering]
Yeah!
[Chikoka by Mr. Kamera]
We're in Zanzibar, bitches!
#Party-a-day just
went international!
- [phone dials]
- Fuck.
- [Kat] Hello?
- Katya, are you sleeping?
No, no, I uh...
I'm just not feeling well.
[Vivaan] Was that before or after
you ended up on our honeymoon?
No, I am not on our honeymoon.
You and the girls are a bunch of vandals.
I go away for one night and I come back
to a ejaculating penis on my wall
- What? Why? How is there...
- [Vivaan] with hairy balls.
Noks tagged me as The Dick.
[Vivaan] Look Kitty, I expected so much
more from you.
Ah, you called me Kitty!
[Vivaan] Katya!
Babe, I also want to work it out.
I'll get on the first flight out of here.
Please don't!
It's better you stay there,
and get over this.
Consider it a gift from me.
[phone beeps off]
I can't find Noks anywhere.
She's not in her room.
- I don't know what to do.
- Lu, ssh...
Do you think I should call the cops?
Hello? Hello?
Aaahhh!
Hello! What are we going to do about Noks?
Why don't you try checking her Instagram?
Apparently, she can't go five minutes
without posting something.
Yes, yes, yeah, yeah.
Yassss!
[Lu] Of course you went shopping!
Next time, just text me, please.
I was worried sick.
Yes, Mom.
"Oh, but you look lovely, Noks".
Thanks, Mom.
Why are you posting our lives
all over Instagram?
Vivaan is livid!
I'm working, babe.
Oh... so not here for me then?
Since when does it matter
what Vivaan thinks?
Vivaan matters!
Okay, okay guys, I just think we should
take a deep breath.
I... am having a good time,
and documenting it.
And it would be really, really nice
if you guys could also jump on board
instead of staying in bed the whole day.
Guys, let's go do something fun,
like the days almost over.
We can go find the
rich peoples fight club.
Ooh, Lu, I don't think those
actually exist, hey.
Okay, why don't we have a
quiet dinner in?
Come on, get some fresh air,
catch up and talk about our lives.
Thing is, your life is really depressing
right now because you're obsessing
over Vivaan when you're supposed
to be working him out of your system.
So, put on something nice guys,
and let's go out and meet new people.
Let's go!
Yasss!
- Come, come, let's go.
- Yasss!
- Come on...
- Come Kitty kitty!
- What are you wearing?
- Ooh! Chomma!
Ooh, okay!
Is that a chastity belt under there?
This is not honeymoon clothing!
Let's go out, you nonsense!
[Party by Mr. Kamera]
[Kat] You guys make me drink!
Aahh! Too much!
We're on holiday, we're supposed to drink.
- Hello, ladies!
- Kyle?
My Fire-Dragon!
So who's up for some
fun and games again tonight?
No, we good here.
Oh, come on.
He said it's going to be fun.
A whole lot of fun.
Lu, we're having fun right here.
Yup!
Yeah.
I'm going to go to the bathroom.
I'll see you in a minute.
Now don't leave us. Lu!
Oh, Lu, Lu, Lu!
Don't set yourself on fire, baby.
[Kat] And now?
Oh, it's a long story
that I heard from a waiter.
[Darius] A long story I'd love to hear.
[Kat] Hey!
And then? Who's this?
Noks, this is, um,
- Darryl.
- Darius.
[Kat] Ah, yes! Darius.
Just Darius, not an actor.
Have a seat.
Ah, where? All the seats are taken.
Don't worry about her.
Sit down.
So? Do you follow me on Social Media?
I am not the Social Media type of guy.
He's hiding something.
Everyone's on Social Media.
Well, it's been real.
It's been fun, has not been real fun!
He's killing my vibe.
#Party-a-day, bitches! Whoo-hoo!
That's Noks.
Yup.
You know what I realized?
I still don't know your name.
Darius, I'm Katya.
Hello Katya, nice to meet you.
- It's a beautiful name.
- Thank you.
I believe we need a do-over. Yeah?
Yes, please.
Drink, drink, drink, drink!
[Bum Bum Bum by Mr. Kamera]
Follow me, follow me.
Please throw this cake in my face!
Morning guys.
Noks?
Lu...
We're going to be late.
Good morning!
It's time to wake up.
I don't want to miss the turtles.
Are these girls still sleeping?
Noks?
Lu?
I can't believe they left
without me again.
[phone buzz]
[Darius] Last night was fun
[Darius] Killer moves
[buttons click]
[Kat] Wanna hang out today?
[Darius] Flying out today
[Darius] Wish I had met you sooner
[Fella by Navy Kenzo]
Welcome to Paradise.
Ah! What a ride!
This place is stunning.
You're one hell of a rider.
I told you I was a fast learner.
Ah! So you are the adventurous one?
How so?
- The tiny one...
- Kat.
Is feisty, Noks is the party animal.
And you are the adventurous one.
It works.
I used to be.
You've still got it.
I saw you in the ring last night.
Ex-boxer.
I mean, I didn't go pro,
but let's just say I retired undefeated.
What's it going to take to get you
back in the ring?
Are you serious?
You can handle yourself.
It would be a shame not to say that.
Okay, so I heard these islands
have secret fight clubs.
A what?
A fight club?
No, they don't.
Yes, they do.
No, they don't!
Yes, they do!
They don't.
Okay, you find me a fight club
and I'll get out of retirement.
For now though, race you to the top?
Catch me if you can.
[Blessings by Mr Kamera,
William Aberioh, Owtoo]
[indiscernible chatter]
- [phone chimes]
- [LESLIE - AGENT] #Party-A-Day
[LESLIE - AGENT] Who took you to Zanzibar?
[LESLIE - AGENT] BRILLIANT!
- [Noks and Lu laughing]
- [LESLIE - AGENT] You're goint to hit 1M sooner than we thought
[NORMAN] Need that payment if you
want to keep your room.
My wife is pissed, she's selling your
stuff online.
I don't want to get divorced.
I love my wife.
Please Noks.
E-wallet or something.
[LESLIE - AGENT] When are you back?
Director wants to meet.
- [Kat] Wow, you guys are actually here?
- Kat! Where you've been?
[Kat] Where have you two been?
Okay, so I went buggy riding.
- Can you believe it?
- [Kat] No, I can't.
Oh, it was so much fun.
I think I got a little carried
away, though.
Yoh! But can I tell you,
Zanzibar is like Party Heaven.
Day or night!
Mm-mm.
#Party-a-day, huh?
Oh, so you follow me online, then?
And I thought we were here
to spend time with me.
Okay, I promise we're going to spend
more time together.
Yeah.
Starting right here, right now.
Pucker up, bitches.
- Where you get that?
- Whaaat?
A hook-up.
How do you even smoke that?
Okay, babe, it's like meeting
Bob Marley and the Wailers.
[reggae music plays]
Does this look familiar?
- [Lu] Light it up.
- Damn.
[Lu] There we go.
Yoh, guys, I'm losing my touch.
Oh, yeah, suck it baby, suck it.
Treat it like Andile.
Treat it like Andile.
It's Andile on steroids. Yes!
- We suck at this.
- [Noks] You probably have to stretch your
lips more than you did for Vivaan.
- It's working, there we go!
- [Noks] Ah, yes.
Okay, okay, okay, I chose dare.
No, no, no, truth, truth, truth.
Okay. You!
- Yeah.
- I know you can't lie when you're high.
- Okay.
- So...
Would you have a one-night stand?
No!
I see the way your panties drop
every time Kyle comes around.
No, but I'd never cheat on Andile.
What about a threesome then?
Stoppppp!
Hey! Whoa whoa whoa!
Take it. Thank you.
This is cute.
Ah, guys, this is so pretty.
It is, right? Oooh!
Okay, my favorite kat-astrophy!
What is the dodgiest sexual thing
you've ever done with Vivaan?
I choose Dare.
Oh, come on.
- No...
- I wanna know!
Does he have a...
Or does he have a...
Why do you get to ask
all the questions, Noks?
No, no, I also want to know...
Is it big, or is it... you know... ping!
Fine, fine!
But this stays between us, okay?
Okay.
No really.
Pinky promise.
Yeah.
Okay.
Vivaan likes it when I...
- Pee on him!
- What did you say?
What did you just say?
Golden showers, babe!
Oh, no! But how does it work?
Ah, no, Kat!
Okay, okay, wait, wait!
Is it one of these... one of these...
Ah, so blind!
No. No.
No, no, or do you do it like a dog...
No, guys! Just hold this for me.
This is it.
So you have to like,
it's like a shower thing.
Okay, so you stand like that,
and then you have to direct it.
You're so freaky!
This is the best story.
No, I gave him seven years of my life.
Seven years of my life.
He can go fuck'n pee on himself.
- Yes!
- Let it out.
I mean nobody likes your stupid,
suede man-bag.
Little bitch!
Yeah, I love Lily's!
Like fuck your burnt salmon roses.
Friend, I love Lily's.
- Ja, they're so beautiful. Right?
- Beautiful.
And screw your skew penis!
He has a skew penis!
I should have slit your throat,
while I had a chance
- when you were sleeping.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
That escalated real quick.
- Oh!
- Mm-mm. We love you, Kat.
Ah, we love you, Kitty.
I love you too.
Oh, guys, I have the munchies.
Yeah, me too.
Umm...
There's lights over there.
I'm sure there'll be food.
Okay, but we're gonna eat, and leave.
Agh...
Ah, Kat, let's just go with the flow, dude.
Okay.
Kat, Kat, Kat.
What?
What?
I need to pee, too!
No you don't.
'Struth!
- No!
- What?
Please.
Cover me, guys. I have to pee here.
- What?
- Okay, wait, wait, wait.
- Okay, now! I have to go!
- Okay, wait, wait wait.
- No, Okay, just hold it.
- Wait, wait wait.
There's no time!
Okay wait, wait, wait, wait!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Okay, wait, we're going to cover you.
Wait!
Wait, wait man!
There's people here, hang on.
- Hold, hold, hold.
- Hurry up, it's coming!
Not yet, not yet.
I can't hold it!
Wait!
Noks, Noks, you're pulling a Vivaan.
Well, you need a subject for that.
Come lie down, baby!
You're doing it all wrong.
Dude, it's going skew!
Ja, it's like external factors, bru!
It's running down your leg!
No man, the wind is blowing it back.
Guys, wait.
No, man, I'm hungry.
I need to pee-pee.
Kat...
don't pee on anyone!
I can do it straight, you know.
You might need to do it one day! Bye.
That one is a gone-girl. Shame.
Listen, girl, I've got the munchies,
let's go.
Toilet, is this you?
No! Just a good old broom cupboard.
You're going to be the toilet.
Chubby Bunny.
[distorted] Chubby Bunny.
Oh, marshmallows! I love marshmallows.
You're here with the Bride or the Groom?
- The Bride.
- The Groom.
- The Groom.
- The Bride.
[Noks] Shit, we're at a freak'n
wedding party.
[Lu] We need to find Kat,
and get the hell out of here.
[microphone feedback]
Testing 1, 2.
Testing 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 20
Oh, shit!
I got it! It's working!
Welcome. Welcome, everyone.
- [Kat] You are so lovely, Bride Lady.
- What is she doing?
[Lu] We have to stop her.
And wow, you are so sexy!
But... I'm here to warn you.
No matter how much he tells you:
"I love you. You're the apple of my eye".
"You are my future".
He's lying! Liar!
- [Kat] You liar!
- Oh, my God!
One day, he's going to
leave you for his career.
A career that you gave him
by the way.
And then he tells you,
he's moving to Italy, without you.
And that's when you have to accept that
you are going to die alone.
But you'll be fine.
You'll be fine.
Even though you are heart-broken.
And lost. And lonely.
I gave him everything...
and he gave me zero!
Now I have... nothing.
Why didn't she just tell us the truth?
Because Vivaan's a dick.
By the way...
What is this?
What-is-this?
Frills and frills and frills and frills?
Hello, 90's!
[cloth tearing]
I should've designed this dress!
Oh!
Wait... And anoth...
and another things is-
[vomiting and coughing]
I'm okay.
Guys?
Come, let's go.
Sorry, guys, we're so sorry!
No sorry, not sorry!
- See you at the honeymoon. Bye guys!
- Come, baby-girl.
- Drinks on me.
- Okay.
Sorry!
[Italian mandolin music]
This is a real departure from
your other work.
Can't remember the last time I felt
so creatively free.
Ah, what is this?
I don't know anybody who's
going to wear this.
This is the reason you want me.
We want you, Vivaan, because women love
wearing your pieces every day.
But this sends a dystopian message.
Women don't want this.
Woman will learn to love
what Vivaan gives them.
This is the new age, Vivaan.
Women already know what they want.
Now this is "Wow".
Why you never show me this?
I know five friends would wear this.
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
I would wear this.
This is not part of my line.
Vivaan, darling, we want you.
But only if we can have this.
Think about it.
We confirm. We go into production.
Everything good, ya?
Okay, I must go.
Bye darling.
Katya!
Go!
[Lu] Oh, she's rough.
She's so rough!
[Noks] Hanging like a MOFO.
Okay, I've got an idea,
I've got an idea.
Why don't we hang out with her
the whole day today
and have like a besties day?
Thrilling!
I'm joking, Mom. Sheesh!
Do you really see me as your mom?
Don't be weird.
Do you want me to cut your
meat up into little pieces
and read you a bedtime story?
What? No!
Whoa! You do that for your kids?
Okay. Get dressed.
We're having a fun day.
Mommy will be back soon.
Huh?
[Lu] Babe. I got you something.
Come, scoot.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Don't stress.
Ooh, you look rough, hey.
I feel rough.
You look it, come here. Drink.
[Monalisa by Lojay, Sarz]
Thank you. Cheers!
- Thank you!
- You're welcome.
[Lu] My goodness.
[Lu] Guys, it is literally one of my
favorite views since I've been here.
Hashtag... tag your blesser
bitches.
#Girls-trip!
Cheers!
- Excuse me, this one is your bill.
- [Lu] Uh, I'm stuffed.
Noks, it's your turn now,
get it, I'm tired.
Sure, sure, sure.
You know what I need?
Some marsala chai.
How's your hangover?
What hangover?
- I don't drink.
- Your pin, please.
Okay, listen, I'm going to take
some pictures for Andile.
Sorry, ma'am.
This card is declined.
Okay, yeah. It's fine, it's chill.
Try this one, oh, no, wait.
Try this one.
Please, can you put your pin, please.
Thank you.
Sorry, Ma'am,
this card is declined.
Maybe do you have another one?
I'll get the bill, thank you.
No, you know what?
It's that stupid bank.
I didn't tell them I'm leaving the country,
and now they're blocking all my cards.
- It's cool.
- You know?
You know friend, when we
get back to the country.
I've got you, okay.
I'm going to pay you back.
Hm-hmm.
I'll even pay you back in interest.
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
You're very welcome.
So... what's next, mm-mm?
Oooh, I saw your honeymoon package
comes with this lovers spa.
It did.
Yeah, so can I be your plus-one?
Lu, you'll pay for yourself, n?
[Lu] Guys! We should totally
do this every year.
Unwind, let loose.
[Noks] If Andile were to hear you,
shoo, his boring little mind
would blow up.
Andile's not boring. He's just practical.
Lu, you guys are parents.
Your life has to be practical.
I mean...
Do I want us to try different things?
Yes! Do I want us to have sex
on the kitchen counter?
I'm not saying should be a ritual,
but once in a while without
the safety checks.
I mean, sometimes you've go to
shake things up, you know.
Lu, your life is way better than ours.
There's nothing wrong with my life.
- [phone buzz]
- Okay?
What's wrong with my life?
Okay, we don't have time to
talk about it today.
No, seriously...
what's wrong with my life?
Guys, guys, guys!
Kyle just texted.
He says we should join him
for drinks at Club Golden Eye.
Ask him about snake shots.
Ooh, dangerous.
Ah, guys? We're supposed to be
cooking together tonight
and watching a movie.
Yayyy! Movie night.
You sure?
Hm-mmm.
Uh-uh.
Good.
Grrrr.
[Kat] What is this Golden Eye Place?
[Noks] Yoh, these bikes, they scare me.
[Kat] Why did you change your clothes?
- [Lu] Ssh!
- [Kat] What's going on?
[Kat] I don't like this.
Go with the flow, Babe.
[door unlocking]
- Yoh, hi. All good.
- How are you?
[Kat] Who's this guy?
[Noks] He's cute this one.
[Kat] Great, now we're following
a stranger into a dark passage!
[Noks] #Party-a-day, Baby!
[club music plays]
[cheering]
[bell rings]
[Lu] Oh, my fuck, you weren't kidding!
You got us a fight club!
Tuesday fight club matinee.
Impossible to get in.
This feels very illegal...
like we-shouldn't-be-here vibe.
[Noks] Smile, Kitty!
Now it's time to return to the ring.
[Lu] Absolutely!
- Okay!
- No. No, no, no, no...
I mean, what, are you just going to
randomly box somebody?
- Yeah.
- Why?
- Relax, little one.
- Because I can.
Little one?
She can take care of herself.
Oh, Kyle, you've only known her
for all of 2 minutes.
- This is not gonna-
- Kat! Guys...
I've got this.
She got this.
She got this, Kat!
We got ourselves a fight
night at #Party-a-day, family!
My girl's about to
drop somebody!
I hope she sits on
somebodies face! What?
All the way in Zanzibar,
it's about to get lit!
Yasss, baby!
Place your bets.
Place your bets!
It's a fight, baby!
Rocky... bam bam bam!
Aye!
[bell rings] [referee] We
have a treat for you tonight,
all the way from South Africa.
On my right, weighing in at 75kg's.
[spitting splat]
She's mild, she's wild.
She's sometimes vile.
She's Lightening Lu!
[crowd chanting]
Lu, Lu, Lu...
What's going on right now?
Okay, I know what's happening.
I'm asleep and I'm recovering
from the hangover.
I'm having a very vivid dream.
A very vivid dream!
Ow!
You're not dreaming, Kitty Kat!
In the other corner,
weighing in at a mere 163kg's.
Oh, he's a foul smelling beast.
It's Golden Frog!
[low animal growl]
Oh my fuck!
- You need to focus. Yeah man.
- I've got this.
What are we going to do?
Do something, Kyle.
Let's get ready to rumble!
[bell rings]
[Magazine by Yanga Chief]
If that fat fucker breaks her,
Andile is going to kill us!
Lu, get up!
Oh my God, Lu!
Get up, get up, get up!
Okay! Kick him in the vag, friend!
Lu! Finish him!
[bell rings]
Ladies and gentlemen, your champion
Lightening Lu!
[police whistle blows]
[in KiSwahili]
It's the police!
[police whistle blows]
Police! Nobody move!
[Lu] Go, go, go!
[Lu] Let's go!
[Kat] What the hell is going on?
[Lu] Are we in the clear?
- Just be quiet and act like tourists.
- Okay.
[Noks] We are tourists, OMG.
Where is Kyle, guys?
[Kat] Okay, let me find a way out.
Ah, shit!
- Run!
- Shit!
[police whistle blows]
Police! Stop running!
Go! Go! Go!
[Noks] What the fuck did you
get us into, Kyle?
Let's go there.
[Kyle] Go right, right, right.
[Kat] This way, this way!
[Noks] Fuck you, Kat, you don't even
know where you're going.
[Kat] At least I'm fuck'n trying.
What're you doing?
[Kyle] Move, move, move, run!
[Kat] I told you we should not
have come here.
[Noks] Lets just hide in this shop!
Don't be stupid Noks,
we gotta go to the villa.
Where the fuck's the villa?
- No one knows
- Both of you, just shut up and run
[Noks] Ah, I'm dying!
Here! Make a right!
I've got a cramp.
[Lu] Ah, just fuck'n hold it,
we're almost there!
Okay, guys...
What do we do now?
We need to get back to your place.
Well, we might as well add stealing
to the list.
I am not going to jail.
Let's take these scooters.
She's right. I know a shortcut.
Noks, let's go.
No. Uh-uh!
Guys, let's keep running.
[Kat] No!
Noks, get on the bike.
Let's just run.
Noks!
Guys, stealing is definitely going
to send us to jail.
[police whistle blows]
- [Kat] Noks, get on the bike right now.
- You guys go ahead.
- We'll catch up.
- [Kat] No!
Let's go!
Guys!
Don't leave me!
Guys.
- Please!
- Noks, let's go.
- Fuck!
- Run!
I'm going.
Fuck! I can't believe
those bitches left me.
[Tayari by Serge Ibaka,
Diamond Platnumz, Mohombi]
Oh my God, I'm so tired!
- Keep on, keep on!
- What do you think I'm doing?
I'm running as fast as I can.
Why don't you just carry me?
Kyle, let go, man!
My fans must know where I am.
My fans, I'm going to tell you
what's going on with me.
-[Kyle] Go right.
- We're being chased by cops in Zanzibar.
The signal is bad,
but please, no witnesses.
I wasn't in the fight club.
You guys should have my back.
Oh, my God.
I've run like 10k's.
I think I'm gonna die!
If anything happens to me,
South Africa.
- We're good, we're good.
- Not good, fuck you, Kyle!
[Tayari by Serge Ibaka,
Diamond Platnumz, Mohombi]
[police whistle blows]
[police scooter hoots]
[police scooter hoots]
I'm tired!
[in KiSwahili]
Stop! Police!
[police scooter hoots]
Kat, why are we stopping?
It says it's empty, there's no fuel.
Well, start it again!
I'm trying, Lu, I'm trying.
Why would you get a bike
that doesn't have petrol?
Oh my God!
How was I supposed to know?
We are in this position because of you!
So now it's my fault?
[in KiSwahili]
Police, get off the bike,
[in KiSwahili]
you are under arrest
OMG!
I just reached a million fuck'n followers.
Shut it down!
[Lu] How bad is this guys?
It's not that bad, right?
What's Andile going to say?
It's not that bad.
It's not that bad, right?
I wonder where Kyle is?
Lu, we may never ever see Kyle ever again.
No, don't say that.
Hello. Don't I get a phone call?
Ja, I also need my phone RN,
like I just reached a million followers,
and FML...
Ma'am, you need to calm down
or I'll be forced to restrain you.
Thank you very much.
Hakuna matata.
Hakuna matata, asante sana.
I can't believe you're thinking
about your stupid followers.
Look around, Noks, we're in serious
fucking trouble.
Don't get all prissy with me!
FYI, I'm not the one who decided to
join a fight club.
Don't blame this on me.
Don't get angry with her.
It's not our fault that you
act like a maniac
when your husband's not around.
Oh, excuse me for sharing my feelings
with my best friends
and expecting them not to judge me.
Lu, you have a perfect life.
You have smart kids.
You have a husband
who loves and protects you.
Oh, how hard that must be!
Oh, maybe I should start keeping
my problems to myself.
Works perfectly for you.
What's that supposed to mean?
You have been lying to us.
I am the only honest one here.
You've been lying to me.
This entire trip has got nothing to do
with taking my mind off Vivaan.
Are you crazy?
We came here for you.
We're here for you!
No, no.
You are here because you want to
get away from Andile.
And you are here because you need
more followers for your
movie career.
That's not true.
Well, that's not what your agent said
in the messages.
What was it? #Party-a-day!
You went through my phone?
No, I just saw a message pop up
as I walked by.
You don't just go through
someone's phone, Kat.
That is some serious insecurity shit.
Okay. Shall we talk about
why you don't have an apartment anymore?
You don't have an apartment?
- No!
- Were are you staying?
At a BnB.
And the owner's just kicked her out,
and he is selling her clothes online.
How long were you in my phone for?
- How long have you been staying there?
- Nu-ah!
What were you looking for?
And what about your cards declining?
Oh, wait, you didn't tell them
you were out of the country?
Yeah.
So I guess we are both jobless
and looking for accommodation!
Yeah! Look in the mirror, bitch!
I'm nothing like you.
Why did you lie about Vivaan?
I didn't lie.
Oh? You told a room full of strangers,
that Vivaan doesn't want to
get married anymore
because he is going to Italy.
You've been spinning the sad sob-story
about giving him space.
Why didn't you tell us the truth?
And I knew it.
I said that Vivaan is
a fucking opportunist.
And I was right.
He dumped you.
I didn't get dumped!
- Aah..
- Oh.
Vivaan and I hit a bump in the road.
Everything's going to be sorted.
We're going to get married...
Dammit, Kat! He dumped you!
And you're still wearing the damn ring.
Grow a fuck'n backbone!
I swear I'm going to
punch you in the face.
Soccer-mom!
Cricket. My kids play cricket.
You would know that
if you cared about anything else
other than your failed acting career.
My career is booming, bitch.
Aah! Thanks to me.
Ag, whatev's.
Noks...
The producers literally decapitated you
on national television.
You're an Internet idiot.
Look at the stupid shit you're doing.
Your mother would be so disappointed.
Ah, fuck you, Lu!
Fuck you!
She's dead. Okay?
Get over it.
What do you care, anyway?
Why wouldn't I care?
You guys have everything you want.
After this, you are going back
to your perfect family.
Kat here is probably going back to Vivaan,
or to which ever man will have her.
And I'm going to be alone as usual.
I didn't want to ride bike.
And your first choice was to leave me.
Kinda makes staying friends
a little hard, doesn't it?
Truth is, we've been friends
for the longest time.
But it doesn't mean
we have to stay friends forever.
We grew apart. So what?
The sooner we accept that,
the sooner we can stop forcing
this tedious friendship.
Fine by me.
I've got movies to make and you bitches
are slowing me down.
Well fine!
Fine.
Fine!
Fine!
Fine...
Fine!
FINE!
Samurai chop always wins!
[Officer] Here are your passports.
You're free to go.
Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.
You shall be escorted to the airport
for your imminent departure.
Thank you, officer.
Stealing is a serious offense.
Therefore, you shall not be allowed back
into our country. Understood?
Yes.
Thank you very much!
[sigh of relief]
[door closes]
I'm out of here.
[door opens]
[Somebody to Love by Bizzcuit feat. Bone]
[Kat] What are you doing here, Vivaan?
Okay, look, you have every reason
to hate me.
Mm-hmm.
I got scared, and I ran away.
You got offered a deal of a lifetime,
and you "gloated" away.
It was so much more than that, Kitty.
Instead of feeling relieved,
I ended up lost.
And alone.
Like a black hole had wrapped
itself around me.
Like I lost my center.
Made me realize
I can't live my life without you.
And what if you run away again?
I vow to create a life, a family,
and a loving home.
I promise to help you with your
dreams and desires.
To hold your hand in mine
as we grow old together.
Oh, you kept the ring.
I did.
It's a sign. It's meant to be.
Katya...
Will you be my wife again?
- Yes!
- Yeah.
Kitty!
So cool!
[Thabiso] Please tell us the story.
[Sizwe] I want details.
Now, boys, as I told you,
Mom was taking a walk on the beach,
when thugs tried to steal her purse.
Now what we do when thugs approach us?
We curl on the ground and cry,
so they feel sorry for us.
- Yes. That great.
- Okay, that's it.
I need to speak to your dad.
Dinner's over.
But I'm not finished yet.
Now!
[Lu] Don't make a mess!
What did you think the children
were going to say?
Andile!
You don't want to tell me what happened.
So what was I supposed to say to them?
Do you wanna know what happened?
Yes.
You really want to know what happened?
Yes, please.
Okay!
I played with fire.
I bruised my hand on a buggy.
I ate an octopus.
I joined an illegal underground
fight club.
I got punched in the face.
I got kicked in the ass.
I kicked ass!
And then I got chased by the cops,
and then I got arrested.
Lu!
Look at you.
You're losing control.
You could have died.
I'm not going to die, Andile!
If anything, I'm exhausted.
From you and your weird safety checks
and traumatic stats.
Ever since we've had kids,
I don't get to do what I want.
If I'm supposed to die,
I'm not allowed to do that either!
It's my duty to keep you safe.
The problem is that you're
deciding for me.
I don't wanna be the boring carpool mom,
and the let's-switch-off-the-lights wife.
If there's one thing this trip
taught me is that,
I'm losing myself in this marriage.
It's suffocating.
[quiet melancholy music]
Lu, you mean to tell me that...
this whole time
I'm suffocating you?
It's what it feels like.
Baby, I love you.
And I love our family.
But you don't see me.
I try to spice things up and,
you don't see me!
You treat me like the third child.
I know you love being a dad,
and I love that about you, but...
what about me?
What about us?
I'm your wife, Andile.
I can't make this work.
I can't...
if you don't make space for who I am.
[r&b music plays]
ONE MONTH LATER
[Wedding Planner] So I absolutely love the
burnt salmon roses.
- Over the charcoal tulips.
- [Vivaan] You read my mind.
- Exactly what I thought.
- Totally your style.
- I mean it does compliment the cake,
- Its' so amazing.
I would totally choose that.
I would too.
I actually always told her
this was a better,
but obviously she didn't listen to me.
- Pretty. And what about the dress?
- Yeah.
So I'm wearing a black outfit.
She can't go with something too bold,
because it has to compliment me.
- You hear what I'm saying.
- [Wedding Planner] Oh, I completely agree.
If we have this color scheme,
then she can do something with her hair.
- [door bell chimes]
- [Wedding Planner] That would suit her.
[door bell chimes]
Finally! Your wedding gift is here.
[Vivaan laughs excitedly]
Are you ready?
- [Kat] Yes.
- [Frankie] Yes.
Surprise!
[Frankie] What is going on?
You, my beautiful Queen,
are going to open Africa Fashion Week.
What?
No, how, how?
These are not even ready.
I did all the final adjustments.
Now it's perfect.
Everyone is loving it.
You're showing these to people?
[Vivaan] Perfect gift for my perfect wife.
You don't like it?
[Kat] No, they're amazing.
It's just... they're all labeled "Vivaan".
That's our brand.
I know, Babe.
But this is for my collection.
Kitty, no one's going to let you open
a big event like this.
They need a brand they can trust.
That's "Vivaan"
Ooh, I've got to take this, Kitty.
So proud of you.
Hey, hey, Darling, yes... just arrived.
Thank you.
What the fuck just happened?
I'm opening Africa Fashion Week.
Everyone's going to think he made these.
He's right. People don't know me.
I'll do the catwalk with the models.
And that'll be my introduction
to the world.
You should be happy for me.
This is good news.
Kat, I need an answer
on the floral arrangements.
Vivaan narrowed it down
to the burnt salmon roses,
and the charcoal tulips.
He wants the final choice to be yours.
Let's us do salmon roses.
Perfect.
Are you blind, or just acting stupid?
You should have seen the shit
he made when you were away.
Nobody was going to buy that.
Kat, he's stealing your designs.
Frankie!
I'm getting married tomorrow.
And if you're not going to help,
then just take the rest of the day off.
You know, choosing from his selections
doesn't make it your choice.
Now, Vivaan has selected a
five layered towered cake.
You can choose between the "Vegan Berry",
or the "Lemon Snow Blast".
Both can easily be made by tomorrow
morning before the wedding.
Save yourselves.
Pledge allegiance to me.
The water has already run out,
and the air will soon
become un-breath-rable!
Cut!
Noks...
This is a one set up shot,
so I'm going to need you to get
all the lines right.
Okay. "Unbreathable".
"Unbreathable".
[Noks] Sorry.
Exterior alien ship, the Bow.
Scene 47, take 12.
[Dir. Assist] Ready? And action.
Pledge allegiance to me.
I am unbreathable.
Cut!
Noks.
The lines are
"Pledge allegiance to me.
The water has run out.
The air, soon will be unbreathable...
"soon will be unbreathable".
It's not... that difficult.
Ah, the script is so shit.
That's lunch, everybody.
[risqu music plays]
Nurse Lu.
Yes?
I think I need medical attention.
Well, Mr. Kunene,
you've come to the right place.
Let's see what's wrong with you.
Ah, ooh! Your heartbeat.
It's beating very, very fast.
Well, it happens...
when I'm next to you.
Ooh ooh...
But what about your wife?
My wife?
She...
she's been diagnosed with cancer.
- [music dies out]
- Babe!
Okay. Sorry.
I'm sorry, Babe, sorry.
- [risqu music plays]
- My wife...
Mm-mm?
I don't have a wife.
I'm a Lone Ranger.
Well, in that case...
Auntie Noks is here!
Boys!
- Get out, get out.
- Boys, boys, boys.
Get out, boys!
[Thabiso] What about Auntie Noks?
[Sizwe] Are you going to be a nurse now?
Our kids just saw me
in a raunchy nurses outfit.
Baby, don't worry, relax.
They don't know what we're doing.
Well, what's the plan,
and what are we going to tell them?
Nothing!
They are kids. We don't need to
explain anything to them.
- [knocking on door]
- [Thabiso] Hello.
[Sizwe] Hello! You left us
unsupervised for two hours.
Yes, we did. And you survived.
Mom will be with you in a minute.
[boys giggling]
They are definitely your kids.
100% your kids.
I'll be available tonight,
Nurse Lu.
This is definitely happening.
Definitely.
Oh, look!
There's a movie star in my house.
Shine.
So, how've you been?
How're the kids?
Andile?
I'm good.
We're good. Everyone's good.
You?
Good.
Good!
I even got my apartment back.
Yet here you are!
Okay, I deserve that.
[sighs deeply] I'm really,
really sorry for Mom-bombing you.
Yeah, I still don't get that.
Eish, man...
I guess I was jealous.
You always want to be around your kids.
And my mom wasn't.
I mean, she chose her career over me.
And I was always alone.
I was a sad kid.
So now you're a sad adult?
No!
Not really.
Sometimes.
Look, Noks, parenting is really hard.
And your mom had to do it alone.
I can't imagine what
that must have been like.
She's not around anymore.
And you can choose to hate her for
the rest of your life,
and act like a child.
Or forgive her for not knowing any better.
Be proud that you're talented,
just like her.
Let the rest of it go. You know?
You really think I'm talented?
No!
Not really.
Sometimes. Yeah.
Friend, I really am sorry.
I'm sorry too.
I'm so glad you came.
I had no idea how I was going to fix this.
Yeah.
Ah man, I miss Kat now.
Me too.
Are you going to the wedding?
Hah! Didn't get an invite. You?
No, didn't get an invite either.
You know, I really want to talk to her,
but I know we're going to end up
fighting about Vivaan.
Yeah.
I mean that guy's a dick.
Noks, my kids!
The man's just not a good guy.
No, he isn't.
But you know Kat.
Once she's made up her mind,
there's no stopping her.
[Dhaani Bazaar by Brendan Nagan,
Maithili Shome]
You changed the dress I picked,
now your eyes are getting lost
in this light.
The woman you're marrying,
do you love her?
Yes.
When did you know?
What?
Was it love at first sight? Or...
or did it grow on you?
You're over-thinking this, Kitty.
You love what I can do for you.
You don't actually love me.
You're embarrassing us
in front of our friends and family.
Are you marrying me to get my designs?
[Vivaan] No, I helped you
with your designs.
[Kat] Hah! What a joke!
Noks and Lu were right about you.
Don't let your friends confuse you.
Oh, I am not confused.
In fact...
I've never been more clear before.
[Vivaan] Katya, stop!
I don't love you!
And I know you don't love me.
Because Vivaan can't love
anyone else, but himself.
We object!
Kat, I know you're mad at me,
but please hear me out.
We didn't come here to stop this wedding.
Yes, we did.
Yes we did!
You cannot marry Vivaan,
he's the worst.
But if you do-
No, please don't.
- But if you do...
- Please don't!
But if you do...
we want to be here.
And I'm sorry I got us arrested.
She got arrested.
Stole a scooter!
Katya?
And I'm sorry, okay?
I'm sorry that I forced us to go
on the honeymoon-
Thanks, Vivaan.
Just so I could bag this stupid movie.
Now, all I do is sit in this stupid outfit
and say dumb things like
Pledge allegiance to me,
you're unbreathable.
And I'm also doing this whole
adult diaper ad. Ah!
You're in a diaper commercial?
Yeah, but they promised it won't air
in the country.
Is it like pull-up's?
I don't know, friend, I just got cast.
Now that we're all updated,
can you vandals have a seat
so we can get married?
Thank you. Katya?
I lied about Vivaan postponing the wedding.
Katya!
He got a job offer,
and he said I would hold him back.
I said I was sorry.
No, you said I was going
to hang on to you.
She took that out of context.
I'm sorry I lied.
I was scared you would judge me.
We would never judge you.
Now I know it's a thing
I got from being with Vivaan.
But you guys would never do that to me
because you actually love me.
Noks... Lu...
Can you forgive me?
- I do!
- I do!
I'm done!
What?
Yoh! That was easy.
She actually called it off
before you came in.
Oh.
Katya, stop!
If you leave now, I will make sure
no one hires you, ever.
I don't need a job.
And you can't have my designs.
If I can't open a runway
with a Katya design,
then I don't want to open at all.
Yes, girl!
Vivaan!
Get someone else to pee on you.
[Noks] Whoa! [laughing]
Well, we got what we came here for, so
drinks on Vivaan!
Follow me @noksrocks.
Thank you. You're wonderful.
You look amazing.
I know!
And it's raining today of all days.
Ja! To wash that fucking
Vivaan off you, baby!
I mean, look at you guys just bursting
into my wedding like that!
- It was her idea!
- It was her idea!
I mean, did you see his face?
Yeah, like his dick.
- Noks!
- Noks.
Guys, I've really missed you.
You missed you too, Babes.
- Ow! It's fine.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Let's get you out of this thing.
- Yeah, I don't need it.
So, ladies, where to from here?
Feel like an adventure?
- Hell, yeah!
- Hell, yeah!
Let's do it!
[Bestie by Moneek, Bizzcuit]
[mosque prayer sounds]
FIVE DAYS EARLIER
[Black Zam by Mr. Kamera, William Aberioh]
[phone chimes]
[Noks] It's bachelorette time baby!
[Lu] Ooh! I can't wait, I'm in!
What? No!
Noks, my wedding is literally tomorrow.
How many times do we have
to do this?
Tonight, we celebrate with my family.
There is no time for a bachelorette-
Ya! And whose fault is that, hey?
I been saying let's do something,
but nooooo!
You bitches are too busy as usual.
Ah, save it for the camera, Drama Queen.
I've been planning a whole wedding.
Yeah. I've also been super busy!
Ow... with what?
Mom. School. Life. Kids.
If you can stay on the bench,
then you can stay away from? Danger!
That's correct.
Nothing I can't handle, though.
Why can't we just go out,
knock back some shots,
just drool over some well oiled,
muscular bodies?
Ooh! Get some dick in our faces!
And then do the
friends and family special. Hm?
Oh, my God! No, Noks.
Oh, I should have planned
your freek'n wedding.
For once, can we please do what I want?
Oh, come on, guys.
We just don't do anything fun anymore!
Yes! We seriously need a fun night out.
And tonight is that fun night.
We're going to dance.
We're going to eat good food.
We're going to celebrate.
It's going to be beautiful.
You're right, Kat, you're right.
I mean, who wants to be throwing back
shots with naked men...
Who's naked, Mom?
No-one's naked, baba, it's just a joke.
I mean, no one wants to be in the club
until 5am.
You know, not me!
Tonight's about you.
And nothing would make me happier
than to have my two best friends
who I haven't seen in forever,
by my side.
Of course, Babe.
We'll see you tonight...
Thabiso!
I love you. Bye, bye, bye!
Bye. I'll see you later.
[phone chimes off]
Noks?
What?
[Kat] We're on the same page, right?
My mother's house. Tonight, 7pm.
And, please... don't be late.
Arggg... I'll be there. Okay.
But I need you to step back
and see the sadness of your decisions.
Love you. Bye!
Arrived with this beautiful note.
[Vivaan] "Flowers die, this lasts forever"
"Flight lands at 8pm.
Can't wait to see you."
Shouldn't you be
wrapped up in seaweed. Hm?
Drinking champagne with the girls?
Don't get me started.
Noks wants to have a
bachelorette tonight.
What's wrong with that?
Drinking all night. Hangovers!
Walk of shame?
No, thank you.
You're getting married, Darling.
You're not becoming a nun.
Well, Vivaan's not having one either.
Mm-mm.
You know, an article like this
should have read,
"Power Couple Tie The Knot".
The article's about the label.
And we are the label.
No, the label is Vivaan.
That's his name.
That's not an "US" name. This, all of this.
This is you, you deserve that cover.
It doesn't matter who gets the credit.
Vivaan and I are partners
in life and work.
Mm-mm, so why not mention you
as the one and only designer?
Frankie, you are in top form today.
And what about you? Hmm?
What about the dream to debut at
Africa Fashion Week?
That's a work in progress.
Look, don't be scared, baby-girl.
Just say: Vivaan - It's Katya's time now.
Yeah, sure.
Right! Ladies, ladies,
let's go. Let's go.
Arms out. Straight as a hanger, please.
Thank you. Ooh, oh.
Hello and welcome right back to another
episode of "Catching Up with Kita".
The location for the information.
And guys, today we're talking about,
you know, award winning actress
Josephine Dlamini?
Well, no, not her-her daughter Nokuthula,
aka Noks, guys, this girl, aghhh,
I cannot.
We're talking urination,
red carpet diva-nation,
1st decapitation on daytime televation.
I mean, somebody
give me a beat, right? What?
And now... dis-integration!
Check it out.
Oh, oh yeah!
Oh, yeah.
All you need is one jizz!
Yeah.
Put your logo over that
and see your sales spike.
Do you know who the fuck I am?
I invented daytime ratings.
I am the reason telenovela's exist. Me!
I hold the record
for the returning from the dead.
Me! Not you!
Not Stefano Dimera... Me!
Because even when I'm dead,
I don't die.
That's... I mean, that's not me, right?
You know that show used me to
boost their daily ratings, right?
Like they should be thanking me.
In fact, we should sue!
I love it.
We're suing?
[PR Agent] We can use this as an
opportunity to get you on the big screen.
A movie?
A Sci-fi feature film,
set in the year 3000.
You can play the Alien Queen. Hey?
- Hey?
- LOL!
But wait, ah, is this like a suit thing,
or is this like a human thing?
Why?
How are my fans going to know
that it's me.
[PR Agent] Nobody cares, Babe.
This is a feature film with a big paycheck.
Only thing is, the director's looking for
somebody that has a million followers.
I've got 800,000, Baby!
Sign a bitch up!
A million, that's his number.
What am I supposed to do?
Okay, so we buy a few followers.
[PR Agent] You can't
afford that right now. [laughing]
Hey, we're going to have to do this
the old fashioned way.
Stick to your, like, I don't know,
your crazy outbursts.
And the parties and the exotic locations
and the challenges.
And fucking leak a nude.
You know what I'm saying?
Influencer shit!
That's what I'm talking about.
- Ja! Genius!
- Ja.
We just get some sponsors, right?
Private jets here we come!
Right?
Not after that. Hey? Noksy?
I'll do a campaign.
The hottest parties in the country.
Okay. All right.
But then add some shit to it.
You know what I'm saying?
There's the cake-face-smashing oke?
And the person that does the, you know,
whatever, they set themselves on fire.
You want me to set myself on fire?
No! Something along those lines,
you know what I mean?
I mean, obviously,
I mean, if the opportunity arises.
You understand what I'm saying?
I'm saying get those followers up
and let's make some fuck'n money.
- Ja?
- Okay. Okay.
- Ja? Okay?
- Okay, okay.
And and remember,
if you don't get this, we done.
Okay. So what do you do?
You DBK.
DON'T BE KAK!
Alright?
DBK.
Ja. Whoo! Okay.
DBK!
[Tere Naal Soniye by Brendan Nagan]
[Itzy Bitzy by Mr. Kamera]
Welcome to #Party-a-day, people!
Party-people! Yeah! Yeah!
This is your new destination for
the hottest parties, the sexiest people,
and shit you just won't believe!
Oh! So follow @noksrocks to
see how wild #Party-a-day gets.
Shots on me!!!
Shots! Shots! Shots!
Noks?
What's up?
I'm at a work thing.
I'm at a friend thing...
The one you're supposed to be at.
Shit. Yeah! I know.
That's why I said
I just finished that work,
and I'm on my way.
[indian music plays softly]
Babe, you made it.
Italy was the best thing that
could have happened to us.
They offered me a deal.
They're buying our designs?
No, gosh no. It's bigger than that.
Bigger than us?
They want me to create a line for
Africa Fashion Week.
Vivaan today, Versace tomorrow,
or Armani, who knows?
Let them fight over me.
We're going to Africa Fashion Week?
There's more... the best part.
I'm moving to Italy.
Italy!
Yes, I know!
I can't believe it too.
Okay. How does this work?
Do we move there permanently?
Do we split our time?
Yes. Yes, and that is exactly why
I can't marry you, Kitty Kat.
What-the-fuck?
You just wait and see,
this is going to be
good for us. For you.
How is this good for me?
You need this time to figure
out what you want.
I know what I want.
I want us to get married tomorrow,
like we planned.
Vivaan, we invited all these people,
the venue, the food, the...
Babe...
I mean, we love each other
and we can get through anything.
You do still love me, right?
Mm-mm, always Kitty.
- But, right now.
- Yes.
It's over.
[tabla drum intensifies]
[Lu] Okay, my Babe!
[Noks] I'm going to, hmm...
That mother-fucker...
we're gonna go to his place...
we're going to tie him up, right?
- No!
- Why not?
Why can't we just take that
little thing of his
and chop it up into a million
fucking tiny pieces?
Noks! You're making it worse.
How is this any worse than
Vivaan dumping her?
I didn't get dumped.
Oh... Oh, so there's a wedding tomorrow?
No.
Did Vivaan say when you're
getting married?
Did he even say anything
about your future?
No, and no.
It's not over!
He's just scared.
And being scared is perfectly normal.
WTF, Lu...
Why are you feeding her this trash?
You... you need to do something.
You need to make sure
Vivaan is forgotten... tonight!
I don't want to forget him!
Just hold this... I need to call him.
No, no, no-do you think that's
a good idea, Babe?
Yes, he needs to know
I'm going to wait for him.
Not tonight, Angel.
No, tonight!
Yeah... tonight!
Tonight, alright, he will know.
We're going to show him.
Oh, he will know!
Get dressed.
I said... get dressed!
[Kat] Can we just go home?
- [Noks] OMG, can you drive any slower?
- [Lu] Where are we?
[Lu] Noks, put your seat belt on.
It's on, man.
Slow down, slow down.
I know where we are.
I also live here.
You "lived" here. "Lived", okay?
Called off wedding equals...
This is not your house anymore. Let's go.
Let's go home.
Uh-uh! Get out.
No...
- Get out!
- No.
Fine. Be the lookout then.
No, guys don't leave me!
Guys, what are you doing?
[Lu] Okay, this way.
[Lu] There's a camera, face this way.
[comical music plays]
[Lu] Okay, let's be quick please.
I need to get back to Andile and the kids.
[Lu] Don't make a mess, Noks!
[Noks] He must get the message
that he sucks.
[Lu] He still has to
clean it in the morning.
Oh, my God! No!
Look, look at yours, it's falling.
Do you need help?
You probably tell your kids
how to wipe their ass, don't you?
Well, that's what you do when
you're a mother, Noks.
[Noks] Well, don't freek'n judge me then.
[Noks] It's not a school project.
[Lu] I'm going to put it here
in the bushes.
But like, I've got to protect
the flowers as well.
Like we can't damage them.
Look, I'm not even ruining
the plants, Babe.
It's messy, but it's safe.
[Noks] Fuck his flowers, man!
Noks, you've got to clean
up after yourself,
so don't leave the toilet paper
running everywhere.
[Noks] You know what?
I'm sick of this shit.
It's time to level up, Baby!
No, Noks, no.
That's vandalism. Noks!
He's lucky we don't burn his house down.
Ground me later, Mom.
Stop calling me Mom.
Stop acting like one.
I'm not acting like a mom
I am a mom.
No, Noks!
We're going to get into so much trouble.
No, no, no!
Consider this a compliment.
Hey?
- [Noks] Hey?
- [Lu] Okay, that's funny.
Hey?
Ooh, ooh, be a real friend,
be a real friend.
Take a picture, n.
- [Noks] Landscape, landscape. Ready?
- [Lu] Okay, wait.
[Kat] Guys! Stop it!
Stop it! You have to stop
this right now. Stop!
[Noks] I call this one an Eye-for-an-Eye.
[Lu] Kat, move out of the way.
No, no more photos.
[Noks] Kat, man, you're ruining my shot.
[Lu] No, don't worry, I got it.
- [Kat] Delete it. Delete it right now.
- [Lu] No, uh-uh!
- No, Kat.
- Delete it.
This is not a portrait of his penis.
It's a portrait of Vivaan,
because he's a dick!
Hey! What's going on here?
Shit! Dammit! Lady!
Noks! Are you crazy?
What the hell?
I told you we should not have come here.
No witnesses.
I won't say anything to anyone.
I promise.
You better mind your own business, lady.
We know where you live.
Ya! You don't want us showing up there.
- [Kat] Ja!
- [Noks] Now get up!
[Noks] Slower!
Slower!
Ja! Now go back.
[Kat] Yeah, back it up.
More... some more!
Stop.
Hey wena, don't forget...
Snitches get stitches!
- [Noks] Now, run! Run!
- [Lu] Hamba! Pfff!
Ah, guys, let's get the hell out of here.
[Kat] Man, I'm hungry.
- [Noks] Me too.
- [Lu] This is insane.
[Gangstress by Bizzcuit]
[panicked voice]
We're being robbed!
[Lu] Three Big Daddy meals.
Three Big Daddy Burger meals!
Oh, would you like cokes,
or milkshakes with that?
I don't know what your sugar
preferences are, but I don't want to die.
I'm just a student.
My girlfriend, she was going to leave me
because I couldn't afford a holiday.
That's how I ended up here
on the graveyard shift.
And now I'm going to die here.
How's she going to react to that?
I won't know, 'cause I'll be dead.
No holiday. Just dead.
No, no, no, don't do that!
Now I know what you look like!
I don't wanna know that.
I don't want to know that.
I don't wanna know that!
Keep the change.
[laughing]
"No holiday, just dead"
Mmmm, these burgers are the best.
Mm, but they're not as good as Pappa G's.
That was 15 years ago.
No, it wasn't.
Yeah, it burnt down after
our graduation night.
Ah, I remember graduation night.
James dumped Kat.
Then there was a fight.
No, no, no, no, no.
James and Kat were together before Vivaan.
He had the sexy brush cut.
This guy had that oily slick-back.
Luke!
Crazy Luke!
Terry. His name was Terry.
Cherry-Terry!
He chose ballet over me.
And you punched him in the face
and threatened to break his legs.
Ja, he deserved it!
Mama Bear!
Ah! Where did that girl go?
Into a mini-van.
No, I'm serious.
I'm also serious.
But you know what?
We're there for each other
when it matters.
Like tonight.
Man, I did not see tonight going this way.
[Noks] Actually! Fuck Vivaan, hey!
You never gave him a chance.
Hello?
Did you not just see what happened?
Noks, you don't know anything about us.
We have a life together.
You make compromises.
You fit in and you don't just
walk away from that.
Hm, sounds like he did.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!
I don't expect you to understand.
Vivaan and I are getting married soon.
You know what?
I would appreciate it
if you put on a decent dress,
and showed up on time for once.
Well, that was an overreaction.
- You don't have timing, man.
- Oh! Did I dump her?
[Kat] I didn't get dumped!
Kat!
Ah!
Kat!
Please answer your phone,
please answer your phone,
please answer your phone.
[Vivaan] You've reached I, Vivaan Singh.
Leave a message.
[Lost by Moneek]
Answer your fucking phone!
[Vivaan] You've reached I...
Here's a little something to
start your life together...
Answer your fucking phone, please.
Wishing you a lifetime of happiness
Fuck!
Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Fuck you!
What the...
WTAF...
Hah... hah!
Ja, ja, ja.
I told you this day is gonna come.
Ha-a-ha!
Hmm?
Norman! What-the-fuck?
What is this?
Hey, Noks. This time it's for real.
Hey, dude...
We were smoking joints last night, n?
Mm-mm.
Not a word. Not even a heads up
that you're going to kick me out?
I didn't have a choice.
You haven't paid rent for six months!
Now I was fine when you were famous
and things were going well.
But I saw Social Media...
it's not going well.
Why can't you be like Josh?
Josh is always paying rent on time.
Come on... it's always something with you.
"My car", or whatever...
Hi, Norman. Hi Noks.
Fuck you, Josh!
And your rent-paying-weirdo-self.
His parents are going through something.
Sorry about your parents, Josh.
Where am I supposed to stay, hey Norman?
Oh, one of your hot friends.
I'm sure one of them has a couch?
Dude... Lu has a baby making factory.
And Kat just got dumped.
Eish!
I know. Night before her wedding even.
Yoh, that's the saddest thing I've heard
since the last time you paid your rent.
I'm being for real, though.
What do you think's she's gonna do
with the honeymoon?
I don't know, hey.
Probably save it for the next guy!
I'd never waste that
honeymoon, girl, 'cmon.
I'd invite my friends.
We're doing shots, we're eating.
We're partying every day.
She must know that I'm doing just fine.
Everyone must know that I'm doing fine.
Parties and islands.
[Norman] Because, you know,
these honeymoon places, they freaky.
Yass! Heartache for what?
No problems with me.
Norman, I gonna come back
with your money, n.
Hey hey hey, Noks!
I'm not a storage facility.
You are a bloody genius!
Siri, call wet Kitty and Lu...
I'm never going to get rid of this woman.
This is going to be my life forever.
You better come back
and get these things, hey,
otherwise I'm selling them online.
This is seven days in paradise.
We can celebrate.
No, no, no, no, no.
Comfort your breakup on an island
with some cocktails and...
Adventure, jet skiing,
paragliding - ooh, diving, guys!
Lu, you sound like a tourism ad, baby.
Yeah for adventure!
I mean, I even heard
these exotic places have fight clubs.
- What-the-fuck?
- It's just something I read.
Kat, Vivaan said he wants space.
So let's be spaced out, all the way
in Zanzibar.
Absolutely not!
No.
Yes!
Yes.
No!
Yes! Vivaan has already paid for us.
Lu can pay for herself.
I'll totally pay for myself.
- [Kat] I said no!
- [Lu] I'm chilled.
Aah! Lu, make this happen for us, baby.
How do you expect me to do that, Noks?
Noks!
These girls will drive me crazy.
[door opens]
[Andile] Baby, I'm home.
Where are the kids?
Hey, hey, baby!
Oh, baby, your voice?
I think you need to get it checked
because there's a flu going around.
- [seductive music plays]
- Wha... Really...
What's going on?
What's going on, Babe?
Anything...
Anything you want!
Babe, you look so sexy.
Mm-mm.
But wait, where are the kids?
I left them with your mom.
We have about 2 hours left.
Okay.
But, baby, you know, the
kids eat here, right?
So can you.
Baby, I'm tired, I had a long day.
Uh-mm.
Look, let me take a shower, okay?
You'll meet me upstairs.
Okay?
Okay.
Okay.
I thought you might be hungry,
since you haven't eaten all day.
And Jai is busy clearing
up all the presents.
[Kat] Was it bad?
Some would say it was a winner.
You broke every single present.
You know what? It was really nice
to see the girls yesterday.
Not the best of circumstances, I admit.
But it was really,
really nice to see them.
They haven't been home
for such a long time.
You should have seen them last night.
They were on top form.
Noks hates Vivaan.
In fact, I don't think she's
ever liked him.
And Lu, well, she's...
always just busy with her life.
And now they want you to turn your
honeymoon into an adventure.
Of course they called you.
Your best friends just want to
be there for you.
Why does that upset you?
[Kat] They don't want to do it for me.
Anyway, I can't leave.
Vivaan and I need to sort this out.
- Ah, Vivaan-and-I, Vivaan-and-I...
- And then we can...
Vivaan has made his decision.
He knows what he wants.
It's time for you to decide what you want.
So tell me something.
Are you going to give him space
or are you going to let him... go?
What space? What space is everyone
talking about?
And let him go?
Mum, I didn't get dumped!
Right now, I just need the space.
Okay? I need some space.
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, calm down.
I can see there's a lot to think about.
But you know what the best thing is?
You don't have to decide right now.
Hmm?
Get some rest.
Goodnight, Mum.
Night.
[incoming message]
[TT by Driks feat. Jahyanai]
Yessss!
It's so beautiful!
We're in Zanzibar!
[Lu] Yay, this is so beautiful.
[Noks] Wow.
- Hey! Man!
- This is such a mess.
Bad service.
[Lu] Oh, we should get housekeeping, Babes.
[Noks] Ja...
- Beach? Yes!
- Beach! Ja!
- Oh, yeah, whoo!
- Jaaaass!
Single-and-ready-to-mingle.
- Get your bum here.
- Come here. Come!
[Noks] Come, Kitty Kat!
[TT by Driks feat. Jahyanai]
[camera clicks]
I'm over it.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Yeah, I think I'm also over it, Babe.
Okay, guys, take five.
Guys, I really shouldn't
be drinking so much.
Vivaan and I are on a detox.
You need a detox from Vivaan.
- Whatever.
- Okay, you know what guys?
I'm gonna get myself a drink.
- [Lu] Hello.
- [Barman] Thank you.
Can I have a coconut, please?
Yes please!
Thank you.
Oh.
[island style music plays softly]
Enjoy.
[phone buzz]
Hello?
Hey, Babe.
How was your flight?
Any problems?
No problems.
[Andile] Any problems at the airport?
[Lu] No, just a smooth entry.
[Andile] And what about the hotel?
Everything's fine, Babe.
We're chilling at the resort,
you know, being safe.
What you guys up to?
Well, we're having swimming lessons
with the boys.
[Lu] Ah, without me!
[Andile] Ah, don't worry. I got this.
I know.
[Andile] One more thing.
Did you check your safety kitbag?
Yes, all checked.
Okay.
Sunscreen... three times a day
because sunburn...
- Leads to sun poisoning.
- [Andile] Leads to sun poisoning.
I've got it, Babe.
[Andile] And you have your anti-histamine
just in case you flare up and
run out of oxygen.
There's the water purifier,
there's the diarrhea tabs,
- there's nausea tablets
- Nausea tablets,
Portable phone, charger and crow
extraction kit.
[Andile] Trust me, you do not
want to mess with a house crow.
Alright...
now have fun and relax.
Yay.
[Andile] Boys say "I love you, Mom".
Love you, Mom!
Love you, boys!
[Andile] I love you, Babe. Cheers.
- [phone chimes off]
- Bye.
- [message received]
- Oh, Andile!
My poor kids.
[Lu sighs deeply]
[Lu] Thank you!
[Barman] You are welcome.
[fast drum taraab music plays]
[Lu, Noks, Kat]
Cheers.
Oh, my God.
These are so beautiful, guys.
Exotic wardrobe choice, Noks.
It took me all of 5 minutes
to get dressed.
It's a bathrobe.
Okay.
Come to think of it,
I didn't see you with bags, Babes?
Ja, I'm a light traveler, hey.
But what about tomorrow?
I don't know, Mom.
We're not there yet.
Stop calling me Mom!
Well then, stop momming me.
[guitar strumming]
You looks so beautiful
out here tonight
Can't help but stare at your eyes
I'm gonna love you for the
rest of your life
I wanna make you my wife
So take my hand
Hold me tight
I'm gonna love you for
the rest of my life
Okay! Thank you!
Thank you!
- [Lu] Yes!
- [Noks] That's enough, thank you.
Babe, I think we should totally
have the octopus.
Ya, I think calamari is better. Hey?
Guys, I'm heading back.
Kat, we haven't even ordered dinner yet.
Kat!
[Kyle] Ladies! It's a glorious night
for fun and games!
So you wanna play with my poi?
Now, listen here!
If you think we are some skanky little...
I mean, these.
Oh, oh, oh.
I thought you meant, um...
It's a hard "No".
Um...
I'm interested.
Oh, Mrs. Bubble-Wrap!
Let's go have some fun.
Why the hell not!
Hah, Lu!
- Lu! Ah man, Lu!
- Don't wait up.
Who's gonna pay for this meal?
Vivaan, I know it's not perfect,
but that's love, right?
Love is not perfect.
- Message sent.
- And, I'm okay with that.
Hello?
[Vivaan] You've reached I, Vivaan Singh.
Leave a message.
Darling! We got cut off.
I think we just need to take
a deep breath, regroup,
and then get married next week.
[Voice note: The mailbox is full]
[phone beeps off]
Stupid lady!
Any rum left to share?
[Kat-surprised shout]
- [Kat] Get away from me, stalker!
- Stop throwing coconuts!
What's wrong with you?
- [Kat] Why you watching me?
- Oh my goodness!
[Kat] Oh, wait... I know you!
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
Oh, my God, I know you.
You're a very famous actor.
Like very famous.
Not me.
Really?
I'm Darius.
So what are you doing here?
I'm on my honeymoon.
With my best friends.
Okay?
Because my fianc dumped me
the night before my wedding.
That's so messed up.
I know.
No, no...
No! Calm down, like...
He didn't dump me or anything.
We just, you know, need space,
everything's going to be fine, right?
Right?
Now that I'm here with my best friends,
who are super hot by the way,
what are you doing tonight?
You know it!
Yeah.
Hey, I'll see you in the morning.
You're going to be okay?
Yeah. Think about it.
Me and my friends.
All four of us.
When in Rome,
Damian... Darryl-
Darius.
Yes, Darius. We know!
Keep walking, Katya!
To your bright, bright future!
Whoo, whoo...
[taraab music plays]
[crowd cheering]
Yeah!
[Chikoka by Mr. Kamera]
We're in Zanzibar, bitches!
#Party-a-day just
went international!
- [phone dials]
- Fuck.
- [Kat] Hello?
- Katya, are you sleeping?
No, no, I uh...
I'm just not feeling well.
[Vivaan] Was that before or after
you ended up on our honeymoon?
No, I am not on our honeymoon.
You and the girls are a bunch of vandals.
I go away for one night and I come back
to a ejaculating penis on my wall
- What? Why? How is there...
- [Vivaan] with hairy balls.
Noks tagged me as The Dick.
[Vivaan] Look Kitty, I expected so much
more from you.
Ah, you called me Kitty!
[Vivaan] Katya!
Babe, I also want to work it out.
I'll get on the first flight out of here.
Please don't!
It's better you stay there,
and get over this.
Consider it a gift from me.
[phone beeps off]
I can't find Noks anywhere.
She's not in her room.
- I don't know what to do.
- Lu, ssh...
Do you think I should call the cops?
Hello? Hello?
Aaahhh!
Hello! What are we going to do about Noks?
Why don't you try checking her Instagram?
Apparently, she can't go five minutes
without posting something.
Yes, yes, yeah, yeah.
Yassss!
[Lu] Of course you went shopping!
Next time, just text me, please.
I was worried sick.
Yes, Mom.
"Oh, but you look lovely, Noks".
Thanks, Mom.
Why are you posting our lives
all over Instagram?
Vivaan is livid!
I'm working, babe.
Oh... so not here for me then?
Since when does it matter
what Vivaan thinks?
Vivaan matters!
Okay, okay guys, I just think we should
take a deep breath.
I... am having a good time,
and documenting it.
And it would be really, really nice
if you guys could also jump on board
instead of staying in bed the whole day.
Guys, let's go do something fun,
like the days almost over.
We can go find the
rich peoples fight club.
Ooh, Lu, I don't think those
actually exist, hey.
Okay, why don't we have a
quiet dinner in?
Come on, get some fresh air,
catch up and talk about our lives.
Thing is, your life is really depressing
right now because you're obsessing
over Vivaan when you're supposed
to be working him out of your system.
So, put on something nice guys,
and let's go out and meet new people.
Let's go!
Yasss!
- Come, come, let's go.
- Yasss!
- Come on...
- Come Kitty kitty!
- What are you wearing?
- Ooh! Chomma!
Ooh, okay!
Is that a chastity belt under there?
This is not honeymoon clothing!
Let's go out, you nonsense!
[Party by Mr. Kamera]
[Kat] You guys make me drink!
Aahh! Too much!
We're on holiday, we're supposed to drink.
- Hello, ladies!
- Kyle?
My Fire-Dragon!
So who's up for some
fun and games again tonight?
No, we good here.
Oh, come on.
He said it's going to be fun.
A whole lot of fun.
Lu, we're having fun right here.
Yup!
Yeah.
I'm going to go to the bathroom.
I'll see you in a minute.
Now don't leave us. Lu!
Oh, Lu, Lu, Lu!
Don't set yourself on fire, baby.
[Kat] And now?
Oh, it's a long story
that I heard from a waiter.
[Darius] A long story I'd love to hear.
[Kat] Hey!
And then? Who's this?
Noks, this is, um,
- Darryl.
- Darius.
[Kat] Ah, yes! Darius.
Just Darius, not an actor.
Have a seat.
Ah, where? All the seats are taken.
Don't worry about her.
Sit down.
So? Do you follow me on Social Media?
I am not the Social Media type of guy.
He's hiding something.
Everyone's on Social Media.
Well, it's been real.
It's been fun, has not been real fun!
He's killing my vibe.
#Party-a-day, bitches! Whoo-hoo!
That's Noks.
Yup.
You know what I realized?
I still don't know your name.
Darius, I'm Katya.
Hello Katya, nice to meet you.
- It's a beautiful name.
- Thank you.
I believe we need a do-over. Yeah?
Yes, please.
Drink, drink, drink, drink!
[Bum Bum Bum by Mr. Kamera]
Follow me, follow me.
Please throw this cake in my face!
Morning guys.
Noks?
Lu...
We're going to be late.
Good morning!
It's time to wake up.
I don't want to miss the turtles.
Are these girls still sleeping?
Noks?
Lu?
I can't believe they left
without me again.
[phone buzz]
[Darius] Last night was fun
[Darius] Killer moves
[buttons click]
[Kat] Wanna hang out today?
[Darius] Flying out today
[Darius] Wish I had met you sooner
[Fella by Navy Kenzo]
Welcome to Paradise.
Ah! What a ride!
This place is stunning.
You're one hell of a rider.
I told you I was a fast learner.
Ah! So you are the adventurous one?
How so?
- The tiny one...
- Kat.
Is feisty, Noks is the party animal.
And you are the adventurous one.
It works.
I used to be.
You've still got it.
I saw you in the ring last night.
Ex-boxer.
I mean, I didn't go pro,
but let's just say I retired undefeated.
What's it going to take to get you
back in the ring?
Are you serious?
You can handle yourself.
It would be a shame not to say that.
Okay, so I heard these islands
have secret fight clubs.
A what?
A fight club?
No, they don't.
Yes, they do.
No, they don't!
Yes, they do!
They don't.
Okay, you find me a fight club
and I'll get out of retirement.
For now though, race you to the top?
Catch me if you can.
[Blessings by Mr Kamera,
William Aberioh, Owtoo]
[indiscernible chatter]
- [phone chimes]
- [LESLIE - AGENT] #Party-A-Day
[LESLIE - AGENT] Who took you to Zanzibar?
[LESLIE - AGENT] BRILLIANT!
- [Noks and Lu laughing]
- [LESLIE - AGENT] You're goint to hit 1M sooner than we thought
[NORMAN] Need that payment if you
want to keep your room.
My wife is pissed, she's selling your
stuff online.
I don't want to get divorced.
I love my wife.
Please Noks.
E-wallet or something.
[LESLIE - AGENT] When are you back?
Director wants to meet.
- [Kat] Wow, you guys are actually here?
- Kat! Where you've been?
[Kat] Where have you two been?
Okay, so I went buggy riding.
- Can you believe it?
- [Kat] No, I can't.
Oh, it was so much fun.
I think I got a little carried
away, though.
Yoh! But can I tell you,
Zanzibar is like Party Heaven.
Day or night!
Mm-mm.
#Party-a-day, huh?
Oh, so you follow me online, then?
And I thought we were here
to spend time with me.
Okay, I promise we're going to spend
more time together.
Yeah.
Starting right here, right now.
Pucker up, bitches.
- Where you get that?
- Whaaat?
A hook-up.
How do you even smoke that?
Okay, babe, it's like meeting
Bob Marley and the Wailers.
[reggae music plays]
Does this look familiar?
- [Lu] Light it up.
- Damn.
[Lu] There we go.
Yoh, guys, I'm losing my touch.
Oh, yeah, suck it baby, suck it.
Treat it like Andile.
Treat it like Andile.
It's Andile on steroids. Yes!
- We suck at this.
- [Noks] You probably have to stretch your
lips more than you did for Vivaan.
- It's working, there we go!
- [Noks] Ah, yes.
Okay, okay, okay, I chose dare.
No, no, no, truth, truth, truth.
Okay. You!
- Yeah.
- I know you can't lie when you're high.
- Okay.
- So...
Would you have a one-night stand?
No!
I see the way your panties drop
every time Kyle comes around.
No, but I'd never cheat on Andile.
What about a threesome then?
Stoppppp!
Hey! Whoa whoa whoa!
Take it. Thank you.
This is cute.
Ah, guys, this is so pretty.
It is, right? Oooh!
Okay, my favorite kat-astrophy!
What is the dodgiest sexual thing
you've ever done with Vivaan?
I choose Dare.
Oh, come on.
- No...
- I wanna know!
Does he have a...
Or does he have a...
Why do you get to ask
all the questions, Noks?
No, no, I also want to know...
Is it big, or is it... you know... ping!
Fine, fine!
But this stays between us, okay?
Okay.
No really.
Pinky promise.
Yeah.
Okay.
Vivaan likes it when I...
- Pee on him!
- What did you say?
What did you just say?
Golden showers, babe!
Oh, no! But how does it work?
Ah, no, Kat!
Okay, okay, wait, wait!
Is it one of these... one of these...
Ah, so blind!
No. No.
No, no, or do you do it like a dog...
No, guys! Just hold this for me.
This is it.
So you have to like,
it's like a shower thing.
Okay, so you stand like that,
and then you have to direct it.
You're so freaky!
This is the best story.
No, I gave him seven years of my life.
Seven years of my life.
He can go fuck'n pee on himself.
- Yes!
- Let it out.
I mean nobody likes your stupid,
suede man-bag.
Little bitch!
Yeah, I love Lily's!
Like fuck your burnt salmon roses.
Friend, I love Lily's.
- Ja, they're so beautiful. Right?
- Beautiful.
And screw your skew penis!
He has a skew penis!
I should have slit your throat,
while I had a chance
- when you were sleeping.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
That escalated real quick.
- Oh!
- Mm-mm. We love you, Kat.
Ah, we love you, Kitty.
I love you too.
Oh, guys, I have the munchies.
Yeah, me too.
Umm...
There's lights over there.
I'm sure there'll be food.
Okay, but we're gonna eat, and leave.
Agh...
Ah, Kat, let's just go with the flow, dude.
Okay.
Kat, Kat, Kat.
What?
What?
I need to pee, too!
No you don't.
'Struth!
- No!
- What?
Please.
Cover me, guys. I have to pee here.
- What?
- Okay, wait, wait, wait.
- Okay, now! I have to go!
- Okay, wait, wait wait.
- No, Okay, just hold it.
- Wait, wait wait.
There's no time!
Okay wait, wait, wait, wait!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Okay, wait, we're going to cover you.
Wait!
Wait, wait man!
There's people here, hang on.
- Hold, hold, hold.
- Hurry up, it's coming!
Not yet, not yet.
I can't hold it!
Wait!
Noks, Noks, you're pulling a Vivaan.
Well, you need a subject for that.
Come lie down, baby!
You're doing it all wrong.
Dude, it's going skew!
Ja, it's like external factors, bru!
It's running down your leg!
No man, the wind is blowing it back.
Guys, wait.
No, man, I'm hungry.
I need to pee-pee.
Kat...
don't pee on anyone!
I can do it straight, you know.
You might need to do it one day! Bye.
That one is a gone-girl. Shame.
Listen, girl, I've got the munchies,
let's go.
Toilet, is this you?
No! Just a good old broom cupboard.
You're going to be the toilet.
Chubby Bunny.
[distorted] Chubby Bunny.
Oh, marshmallows! I love marshmallows.
You're here with the Bride or the Groom?
- The Bride.
- The Groom.
- The Groom.
- The Bride.
[Noks] Shit, we're at a freak'n
wedding party.
[Lu] We need to find Kat,
and get the hell out of here.
[microphone feedback]
Testing 1, 2.
Testing 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 20
Oh, shit!
I got it! It's working!
Welcome. Welcome, everyone.
- [Kat] You are so lovely, Bride Lady.
- What is she doing?
[Lu] We have to stop her.
And wow, you are so sexy!
But... I'm here to warn you.
No matter how much he tells you:
"I love you. You're the apple of my eye".
"You are my future".
He's lying! Liar!
- [Kat] You liar!
- Oh, my God!
One day, he's going to
leave you for his career.
A career that you gave him
by the way.
And then he tells you,
he's moving to Italy, without you.
And that's when you have to accept that
you are going to die alone.
But you'll be fine.
You'll be fine.
Even though you are heart-broken.
And lost. And lonely.
I gave him everything...
and he gave me zero!
Now I have... nothing.
Why didn't she just tell us the truth?
Because Vivaan's a dick.
By the way...
What is this?
What-is-this?
Frills and frills and frills and frills?
Hello, 90's!
[cloth tearing]
I should've designed this dress!
Oh!
Wait... And anoth...
and another things is-
[vomiting and coughing]
I'm okay.
Guys?
Come, let's go.
Sorry, guys, we're so sorry!
No sorry, not sorry!
- See you at the honeymoon. Bye guys!
- Come, baby-girl.
- Drinks on me.
- Okay.
Sorry!
[Italian mandolin music]
This is a real departure from
your other work.
Can't remember the last time I felt
so creatively free.
Ah, what is this?
I don't know anybody who's
going to wear this.
This is the reason you want me.
We want you, Vivaan, because women love
wearing your pieces every day.
But this sends a dystopian message.
Women don't want this.
Woman will learn to love
what Vivaan gives them.
This is the new age, Vivaan.
Women already know what they want.
Now this is "Wow".
Why you never show me this?
I know five friends would wear this.
Whoa, whoa, whoa...
I would wear this.
This is not part of my line.
Vivaan, darling, we want you.
But only if we can have this.
Think about it.
We confirm. We go into production.
Everything good, ya?
Okay, I must go.
Bye darling.
Katya!
Go!
[Lu] Oh, she's rough.
She's so rough!
[Noks] Hanging like a MOFO.
Okay, I've got an idea,
I've got an idea.
Why don't we hang out with her
the whole day today
and have like a besties day?
Thrilling!
I'm joking, Mom. Sheesh!
Do you really see me as your mom?
Don't be weird.
Do you want me to cut your
meat up into little pieces
and read you a bedtime story?
What? No!
Whoa! You do that for your kids?
Okay. Get dressed.
We're having a fun day.
Mommy will be back soon.
Huh?
[Lu] Babe. I got you something.
Come, scoot.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Don't stress.
Ooh, you look rough, hey.
I feel rough.
You look it, come here. Drink.
[Monalisa by Lojay, Sarz]
Thank you. Cheers!
- Thank you!
- You're welcome.
[Lu] My goodness.
[Lu] Guys, it is literally one of my
favorite views since I've been here.
Hashtag... tag your blesser
bitches.
#Girls-trip!
Cheers!
- Excuse me, this one is your bill.
- [Lu] Uh, I'm stuffed.
Noks, it's your turn now,
get it, I'm tired.
Sure, sure, sure.
You know what I need?
Some marsala chai.
How's your hangover?
What hangover?
- I don't drink.
- Your pin, please.
Okay, listen, I'm going to take
some pictures for Andile.
Sorry, ma'am.
This card is declined.
Okay, yeah. It's fine, it's chill.
Try this one, oh, no, wait.
Try this one.
Please, can you put your pin, please.
Thank you.
Sorry, Ma'am,
this card is declined.
Maybe do you have another one?
I'll get the bill, thank you.
No, you know what?
It's that stupid bank.
I didn't tell them I'm leaving the country,
and now they're blocking all my cards.
- It's cool.
- You know?
You know friend, when we
get back to the country.
I've got you, okay.
I'm going to pay you back.
Hm-hmm.
I'll even pay you back in interest.
- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.
You're very welcome.
So... what's next, mm-mm?
Oooh, I saw your honeymoon package
comes with this lovers spa.
It did.
Yeah, so can I be your plus-one?
Lu, you'll pay for yourself, n?
[Lu] Guys! We should totally
do this every year.
Unwind, let loose.
[Noks] If Andile were to hear you,
shoo, his boring little mind
would blow up.
Andile's not boring. He's just practical.
Lu, you guys are parents.
Your life has to be practical.
I mean...
Do I want us to try different things?
Yes! Do I want us to have sex
on the kitchen counter?
I'm not saying should be a ritual,
but once in a while without
the safety checks.
I mean, sometimes you've go to
shake things up, you know.
Lu, your life is way better than ours.
There's nothing wrong with my life.
- [phone buzz]
- Okay?
What's wrong with my life?
Okay, we don't have time to
talk about it today.
No, seriously...
what's wrong with my life?
Guys, guys, guys!
Kyle just texted.
He says we should join him
for drinks at Club Golden Eye.
Ask him about snake shots.
Ooh, dangerous.
Ah, guys? We're supposed to be
cooking together tonight
and watching a movie.
Yayyy! Movie night.
You sure?
Hm-mmm.
Uh-uh.
Good.
Grrrr.
[Kat] What is this Golden Eye Place?
[Noks] Yoh, these bikes, they scare me.
[Kat] Why did you change your clothes?
- [Lu] Ssh!
- [Kat] What's going on?
[Kat] I don't like this.
Go with the flow, Babe.
[door unlocking]
- Yoh, hi. All good.
- How are you?
[Kat] Who's this guy?
[Noks] He's cute this one.
[Kat] Great, now we're following
a stranger into a dark passage!
[Noks] #Party-a-day, Baby!
[club music plays]
[cheering]
[bell rings]
[Lu] Oh, my fuck, you weren't kidding!
You got us a fight club!
Tuesday fight club matinee.
Impossible to get in.
This feels very illegal...
like we-shouldn't-be-here vibe.
[Noks] Smile, Kitty!
Now it's time to return to the ring.
[Lu] Absolutely!
- Okay!
- No. No, no, no, no...
I mean, what, are you just going to
randomly box somebody?
- Yeah.
- Why?
- Relax, little one.
- Because I can.
Little one?
She can take care of herself.
Oh, Kyle, you've only known her
for all of 2 minutes.
- This is not gonna-
- Kat! Guys...
I've got this.
She got this.
She got this, Kat!
We got ourselves a fight
night at #Party-a-day, family!
My girl's about to
drop somebody!
I hope she sits on
somebodies face! What?
All the way in Zanzibar,
it's about to get lit!
Yasss, baby!
Place your bets.
Place your bets!
It's a fight, baby!
Rocky... bam bam bam!
Aye!
[bell rings] [referee] We
have a treat for you tonight,
all the way from South Africa.
On my right, weighing in at 75kg's.
[spitting splat]
She's mild, she's wild.
She's sometimes vile.
She's Lightening Lu!
[crowd chanting]
Lu, Lu, Lu...
What's going on right now?
Okay, I know what's happening.
I'm asleep and I'm recovering
from the hangover.
I'm having a very vivid dream.
A very vivid dream!
Ow!
You're not dreaming, Kitty Kat!
In the other corner,
weighing in at a mere 163kg's.
Oh, he's a foul smelling beast.
It's Golden Frog!
[low animal growl]
Oh my fuck!
- You need to focus. Yeah man.
- I've got this.
What are we going to do?
Do something, Kyle.
Let's get ready to rumble!
[bell rings]
[Magazine by Yanga Chief]
If that fat fucker breaks her,
Andile is going to kill us!
Lu, get up!
Oh my God, Lu!
Get up, get up, get up!
Okay! Kick him in the vag, friend!
Lu! Finish him!
[bell rings]
Ladies and gentlemen, your champion
Lightening Lu!
[police whistle blows]
[in KiSwahili]
It's the police!
[police whistle blows]
Police! Nobody move!
[Lu] Go, go, go!
[Lu] Let's go!
[Kat] What the hell is going on?
[Lu] Are we in the clear?
- Just be quiet and act like tourists.
- Okay.
[Noks] We are tourists, OMG.
Where is Kyle, guys?
[Kat] Okay, let me find a way out.
Ah, shit!
- Run!
- Shit!
[police whistle blows]
Police! Stop running!
Go! Go! Go!
[Noks] What the fuck did you
get us into, Kyle?
Let's go there.
[Kyle] Go right, right, right.
[Kat] This way, this way!
[Noks] Fuck you, Kat, you don't even
know where you're going.
[Kat] At least I'm fuck'n trying.
What're you doing?
[Kyle] Move, move, move, run!
[Kat] I told you we should not
have come here.
[Noks] Lets just hide in this shop!
Don't be stupid Noks,
we gotta go to the villa.
Where the fuck's the villa?
- No one knows
- Both of you, just shut up and run
[Noks] Ah, I'm dying!
Here! Make a right!
I've got a cramp.
[Lu] Ah, just fuck'n hold it,
we're almost there!
Okay, guys...
What do we do now?
We need to get back to your place.
Well, we might as well add stealing
to the list.
I am not going to jail.
Let's take these scooters.
She's right. I know a shortcut.
Noks, let's go.
No. Uh-uh!
Guys, let's keep running.
[Kat] No!
Noks, get on the bike.
Let's just run.
Noks!
Guys, stealing is definitely going
to send us to jail.
[police whistle blows]
- [Kat] Noks, get on the bike right now.
- You guys go ahead.
- We'll catch up.
- [Kat] No!
Let's go!
Guys!
Don't leave me!
Guys.
- Please!
- Noks, let's go.
- Fuck!
- Run!
I'm going.
Fuck! I can't believe
those bitches left me.
[Tayari by Serge Ibaka,
Diamond Platnumz, Mohombi]
Oh my God, I'm so tired!
- Keep on, keep on!
- What do you think I'm doing?
I'm running as fast as I can.
Why don't you just carry me?
Kyle, let go, man!
My fans must know where I am.
My fans, I'm going to tell you
what's going on with me.
-[Kyle] Go right.
- We're being chased by cops in Zanzibar.
The signal is bad,
but please, no witnesses.
I wasn't in the fight club.
You guys should have my back.
Oh, my God.
I've run like 10k's.
I think I'm gonna die!
If anything happens to me,
South Africa.
- We're good, we're good.
- Not good, fuck you, Kyle!
[Tayari by Serge Ibaka,
Diamond Platnumz, Mohombi]
[police whistle blows]
[police scooter hoots]
[police scooter hoots]
I'm tired!
[in KiSwahili]
Stop! Police!
[police scooter hoots]
Kat, why are we stopping?
It says it's empty, there's no fuel.
Well, start it again!
I'm trying, Lu, I'm trying.
Why would you get a bike
that doesn't have petrol?
Oh my God!
How was I supposed to know?
We are in this position because of you!
So now it's my fault?
[in KiSwahili]
Police, get off the bike,
[in KiSwahili]
you are under arrest
OMG!
I just reached a million fuck'n followers.
Shut it down!
[Lu] How bad is this guys?
It's not that bad, right?
What's Andile going to say?
It's not that bad.
It's not that bad, right?
I wonder where Kyle is?
Lu, we may never ever see Kyle ever again.
No, don't say that.
Hello. Don't I get a phone call?
Ja, I also need my phone RN,
like I just reached a million followers,
and FML...
Ma'am, you need to calm down
or I'll be forced to restrain you.
Thank you very much.
Hakuna matata.
Hakuna matata, asante sana.
I can't believe you're thinking
about your stupid followers.
Look around, Noks, we're in serious
fucking trouble.
Don't get all prissy with me!
FYI, I'm not the one who decided to
join a fight club.
Don't blame this on me.
Don't get angry with her.
It's not our fault that you
act like a maniac
when your husband's not around.
Oh, excuse me for sharing my feelings
with my best friends
and expecting them not to judge me.
Lu, you have a perfect life.
You have smart kids.
You have a husband
who loves and protects you.
Oh, how hard that must be!
Oh, maybe I should start keeping
my problems to myself.
Works perfectly for you.
What's that supposed to mean?
You have been lying to us.
I am the only honest one here.
You've been lying to me.
This entire trip has got nothing to do
with taking my mind off Vivaan.
Are you crazy?
We came here for you.
We're here for you!
No, no.
You are here because you want to
get away from Andile.
And you are here because you need
more followers for your
movie career.
That's not true.
Well, that's not what your agent said
in the messages.
What was it? #Party-a-day!
You went through my phone?
No, I just saw a message pop up
as I walked by.
You don't just go through
someone's phone, Kat.
That is some serious insecurity shit.
Okay. Shall we talk about
why you don't have an apartment anymore?
You don't have an apartment?
- No!
- Were are you staying?
At a BnB.
And the owner's just kicked her out,
and he is selling her clothes online.
How long were you in my phone for?
- How long have you been staying there?
- Nu-ah!
What were you looking for?
And what about your cards declining?
Oh, wait, you didn't tell them
you were out of the country?
Yeah.
So I guess we are both jobless
and looking for accommodation!
Yeah! Look in the mirror, bitch!
I'm nothing like you.
Why did you lie about Vivaan?
I didn't lie.
Oh? You told a room full of strangers,
that Vivaan doesn't want to
get married anymore
because he is going to Italy.
You've been spinning the sad sob-story
about giving him space.
Why didn't you tell us the truth?
And I knew it.
I said that Vivaan is
a fucking opportunist.
And I was right.
He dumped you.
I didn't get dumped!
- Aah..
- Oh.
Vivaan and I hit a bump in the road.
Everything's going to be sorted.
We're going to get married...
Dammit, Kat! He dumped you!
And you're still wearing the damn ring.
Grow a fuck'n backbone!
I swear I'm going to
punch you in the face.
Soccer-mom!
Cricket. My kids play cricket.
You would know that
if you cared about anything else
other than your failed acting career.
My career is booming, bitch.
Aah! Thanks to me.
Ag, whatev's.
Noks...
The producers literally decapitated you
on national television.
You're an Internet idiot.
Look at the stupid shit you're doing.
Your mother would be so disappointed.
Ah, fuck you, Lu!
Fuck you!
She's dead. Okay?
Get over it.
What do you care, anyway?
Why wouldn't I care?
You guys have everything you want.
After this, you are going back
to your perfect family.
Kat here is probably going back to Vivaan,
or to which ever man will have her.
And I'm going to be alone as usual.
I didn't want to ride bike.
And your first choice was to leave me.
Kinda makes staying friends
a little hard, doesn't it?
Truth is, we've been friends
for the longest time.
But it doesn't mean
we have to stay friends forever.
We grew apart. So what?
The sooner we accept that,
the sooner we can stop forcing
this tedious friendship.
Fine by me.
I've got movies to make and you bitches
are slowing me down.
Well fine!
Fine.
Fine!
Fine!
Fine...
Fine!
FINE!
Samurai chop always wins!
[Officer] Here are your passports.
You're free to go.
Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.
You shall be escorted to the airport
for your imminent departure.
Thank you, officer.
Stealing is a serious offense.
Therefore, you shall not be allowed back
into our country. Understood?
Yes.
Thank you very much!
[sigh of relief]
[door closes]
I'm out of here.
[door opens]
[Somebody to Love by Bizzcuit feat. Bone]
[Kat] What are you doing here, Vivaan?
Okay, look, you have every reason
to hate me.
Mm-hmm.
I got scared, and I ran away.
You got offered a deal of a lifetime,
and you "gloated" away.
It was so much more than that, Kitty.
Instead of feeling relieved,
I ended up lost.
And alone.
Like a black hole had wrapped
itself around me.
Like I lost my center.
Made me realize
I can't live my life without you.
And what if you run away again?
I vow to create a life, a family,
and a loving home.
I promise to help you with your
dreams and desires.
To hold your hand in mine
as we grow old together.
Oh, you kept the ring.
I did.
It's a sign. It's meant to be.
Katya...
Will you be my wife again?
- Yes!
- Yeah.
Kitty!
So cool!
[Thabiso] Please tell us the story.
[Sizwe] I want details.
Now, boys, as I told you,
Mom was taking a walk on the beach,
when thugs tried to steal her purse.
Now what we do when thugs approach us?
We curl on the ground and cry,
so they feel sorry for us.
- Yes. That great.
- Okay, that's it.
I need to speak to your dad.
Dinner's over.
But I'm not finished yet.
Now!
[Lu] Don't make a mess!
What did you think the children
were going to say?
Andile!
You don't want to tell me what happened.
So what was I supposed to say to them?
Do you wanna know what happened?
Yes.
You really want to know what happened?
Yes, please.
Okay!
I played with fire.
I bruised my hand on a buggy.
I ate an octopus.
I joined an illegal underground
fight club.
I got punched in the face.
I got kicked in the ass.
I kicked ass!
And then I got chased by the cops,
and then I got arrested.
Lu!
Look at you.
You're losing control.
You could have died.
I'm not going to die, Andile!
If anything, I'm exhausted.
From you and your weird safety checks
and traumatic stats.
Ever since we've had kids,
I don't get to do what I want.
If I'm supposed to die,
I'm not allowed to do that either!
It's my duty to keep you safe.
The problem is that you're
deciding for me.
I don't wanna be the boring carpool mom,
and the let's-switch-off-the-lights wife.
If there's one thing this trip
taught me is that,
I'm losing myself in this marriage.
It's suffocating.
[quiet melancholy music]
Lu, you mean to tell me that...
this whole time
I'm suffocating you?
It's what it feels like.
Baby, I love you.
And I love our family.
But you don't see me.
I try to spice things up and,
you don't see me!
You treat me like the third child.
I know you love being a dad,
and I love that about you, but...
what about me?
What about us?
I'm your wife, Andile.
I can't make this work.
I can't...
if you don't make space for who I am.
[r&b music plays]
ONE MONTH LATER
[Wedding Planner] So I absolutely love the
burnt salmon roses.
- Over the charcoal tulips.
- [Vivaan] You read my mind.
- Exactly what I thought.
- Totally your style.
- I mean it does compliment the cake,
- Its' so amazing.
I would totally choose that.
I would too.
I actually always told her
this was a better,
but obviously she didn't listen to me.
- Pretty. And what about the dress?
- Yeah.
So I'm wearing a black outfit.
She can't go with something too bold,
because it has to compliment me.
- You hear what I'm saying.
- [Wedding Planner] Oh, I completely agree.
If we have this color scheme,
then she can do something with her hair.
- [door bell chimes]
- [Wedding Planner] That would suit her.
[door bell chimes]
Finally! Your wedding gift is here.
[Vivaan laughs excitedly]
Are you ready?
- [Kat] Yes.
- [Frankie] Yes.
Surprise!
[Frankie] What is going on?
You, my beautiful Queen,
are going to open Africa Fashion Week.
What?
No, how, how?
These are not even ready.
I did all the final adjustments.
Now it's perfect.
Everyone is loving it.
You're showing these to people?
[Vivaan] Perfect gift for my perfect wife.
You don't like it?
[Kat] No, they're amazing.
It's just... they're all labeled "Vivaan".
That's our brand.
I know, Babe.
But this is for my collection.
Kitty, no one's going to let you open
a big event like this.
They need a brand they can trust.
That's "Vivaan"
Ooh, I've got to take this, Kitty.
So proud of you.
Hey, hey, Darling, yes... just arrived.
Thank you.
What the fuck just happened?
I'm opening Africa Fashion Week.
Everyone's going to think he made these.
He's right. People don't know me.
I'll do the catwalk with the models.
And that'll be my introduction
to the world.
You should be happy for me.
This is good news.
Kat, I need an answer
on the floral arrangements.
Vivaan narrowed it down
to the burnt salmon roses,
and the charcoal tulips.
He wants the final choice to be yours.
Let's us do salmon roses.
Perfect.
Are you blind, or just acting stupid?
You should have seen the shit
he made when you were away.
Nobody was going to buy that.
Kat, he's stealing your designs.
Frankie!
I'm getting married tomorrow.
And if you're not going to help,
then just take the rest of the day off.
You know, choosing from his selections
doesn't make it your choice.
Now, Vivaan has selected a
five layered towered cake.
You can choose between the "Vegan Berry",
or the "Lemon Snow Blast".
Both can easily be made by tomorrow
morning before the wedding.
Save yourselves.
Pledge allegiance to me.
The water has already run out,
and the air will soon
become un-breath-rable!
Cut!
Noks...
This is a one set up shot,
so I'm going to need you to get
all the lines right.
Okay. "Unbreathable".
"Unbreathable".
[Noks] Sorry.
Exterior alien ship, the Bow.
Scene 47, take 12.
[Dir. Assist] Ready? And action.
Pledge allegiance to me.
I am unbreathable.
Cut!
Noks.
The lines are
"Pledge allegiance to me.
The water has run out.
The air, soon will be unbreathable...
"soon will be unbreathable".
It's not... that difficult.
Ah, the script is so shit.
That's lunch, everybody.
[risqu music plays]
Nurse Lu.
Yes?
I think I need medical attention.
Well, Mr. Kunene,
you've come to the right place.
Let's see what's wrong with you.
Ah, ooh! Your heartbeat.
It's beating very, very fast.
Well, it happens...
when I'm next to you.
Ooh ooh...
But what about your wife?
My wife?
She...
she's been diagnosed with cancer.
- [music dies out]
- Babe!
Okay. Sorry.
I'm sorry, Babe, sorry.
- [risqu music plays]
- My wife...
Mm-mm?
I don't have a wife.
I'm a Lone Ranger.
Well, in that case...
Auntie Noks is here!
Boys!
- Get out, get out.
- Boys, boys, boys.
Get out, boys!
[Thabiso] What about Auntie Noks?
[Sizwe] Are you going to be a nurse now?
Our kids just saw me
in a raunchy nurses outfit.
Baby, don't worry, relax.
They don't know what we're doing.
Well, what's the plan,
and what are we going to tell them?
Nothing!
They are kids. We don't need to
explain anything to them.
- [knocking on door]
- [Thabiso] Hello.
[Sizwe] Hello! You left us
unsupervised for two hours.
Yes, we did. And you survived.
Mom will be with you in a minute.
[boys giggling]
They are definitely your kids.
100% your kids.
I'll be available tonight,
Nurse Lu.
This is definitely happening.
Definitely.
Oh, look!
There's a movie star in my house.
Shine.
So, how've you been?
How're the kids?
Andile?
I'm good.
We're good. Everyone's good.
You?
Good.
Good!
I even got my apartment back.
Yet here you are!
Okay, I deserve that.
[sighs deeply] I'm really,
really sorry for Mom-bombing you.
Yeah, I still don't get that.
Eish, man...
I guess I was jealous.
You always want to be around your kids.
And my mom wasn't.
I mean, she chose her career over me.
And I was always alone.
I was a sad kid.
So now you're a sad adult?
No!
Not really.
Sometimes.
Look, Noks, parenting is really hard.
And your mom had to do it alone.
I can't imagine what
that must have been like.
She's not around anymore.
And you can choose to hate her for
the rest of your life,
and act like a child.
Or forgive her for not knowing any better.
Be proud that you're talented,
just like her.
Let the rest of it go. You know?
You really think I'm talented?
No!
Not really.
Sometimes. Yeah.
Friend, I really am sorry.
I'm sorry too.
I'm so glad you came.
I had no idea how I was going to fix this.
Yeah.
Ah man, I miss Kat now.
Me too.
Are you going to the wedding?
Hah! Didn't get an invite. You?
No, didn't get an invite either.
You know, I really want to talk to her,
but I know we're going to end up
fighting about Vivaan.
Yeah.
I mean that guy's a dick.
Noks, my kids!
The man's just not a good guy.
No, he isn't.
But you know Kat.
Once she's made up her mind,
there's no stopping her.
[Dhaani Bazaar by Brendan Nagan,
Maithili Shome]
You changed the dress I picked,
now your eyes are getting lost
in this light.
The woman you're marrying,
do you love her?
Yes.
When did you know?
What?
Was it love at first sight? Or...
or did it grow on you?
You're over-thinking this, Kitty.
You love what I can do for you.
You don't actually love me.
You're embarrassing us
in front of our friends and family.
Are you marrying me to get my designs?
[Vivaan] No, I helped you
with your designs.
[Kat] Hah! What a joke!
Noks and Lu were right about you.
Don't let your friends confuse you.
Oh, I am not confused.
In fact...
I've never been more clear before.
[Vivaan] Katya, stop!
I don't love you!
And I know you don't love me.
Because Vivaan can't love
anyone else, but himself.
We object!
Kat, I know you're mad at me,
but please hear me out.
We didn't come here to stop this wedding.
Yes, we did.
Yes we did!
You cannot marry Vivaan,
he's the worst.
But if you do-
No, please don't.
- But if you do...
- Please don't!
But if you do...
we want to be here.
And I'm sorry I got us arrested.
She got arrested.
Stole a scooter!
Katya?
And I'm sorry, okay?
I'm sorry that I forced us to go
on the honeymoon-
Thanks, Vivaan.
Just so I could bag this stupid movie.
Now, all I do is sit in this stupid outfit
and say dumb things like
Pledge allegiance to me,
you're unbreathable.
And I'm also doing this whole
adult diaper ad. Ah!
You're in a diaper commercial?
Yeah, but they promised it won't air
in the country.
Is it like pull-up's?
I don't know, friend, I just got cast.
Now that we're all updated,
can you vandals have a seat
so we can get married?
Thank you. Katya?
I lied about Vivaan postponing the wedding.
Katya!
He got a job offer,
and he said I would hold him back.
I said I was sorry.
No, you said I was going
to hang on to you.
She took that out of context.
I'm sorry I lied.
I was scared you would judge me.
We would never judge you.
Now I know it's a thing
I got from being with Vivaan.
But you guys would never do that to me
because you actually love me.
Noks... Lu...
Can you forgive me?
- I do!
- I do!
I'm done!
What?
Yoh! That was easy.
She actually called it off
before you came in.
Oh.
Katya, stop!
If you leave now, I will make sure
no one hires you, ever.
I don't need a job.
And you can't have my designs.
If I can't open a runway
with a Katya design,
then I don't want to open at all.
Yes, girl!
Vivaan!
Get someone else to pee on you.
[Noks] Whoa! [laughing]
Well, we got what we came here for, so
drinks on Vivaan!
Follow me @noksrocks.
Thank you. You're wonderful.
You look amazing.
I know!
And it's raining today of all days.
Ja! To wash that fucking
Vivaan off you, baby!
I mean, look at you guys just bursting
into my wedding like that!
- It was her idea!
- It was her idea!
I mean, did you see his face?
Yeah, like his dick.
- Noks!
- Noks.
Guys, I've really missed you.
You missed you too, Babes.
- Ow! It's fine.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
- Let's get you out of this thing.
- Yeah, I don't need it.
So, ladies, where to from here?
Feel like an adventure?
- Hell, yeah!
- Hell, yeah!
Let's do it!
[Bestie by Moneek, Bizzcuit]