The Hunt (2020) Movie Script
[SUSPENSEFUL ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
[PHONE VIBRATING]
[PHONE CHIMING]
[WOMAN LAUGHS]
[SCOFFS]
[LAUGHS]
[WOMAN] Excuse me.
Sir?
Sir?
Can I get you a snack?
Uh, what?
I'm sorry, sir.
I didn't mean to interrupt.
I just wanted to see
if you'd like a snack.
I'm just kidding.
[LAUGHS]
- Oh. Okay.
- Yeah.
- What's up?
- We have some fantastic caviar.
It's osetra, fresh from...
You ever had caviar?
No, sir.
It's delicious. It is, yeah.
But I had some last night.
You know what? I'm actually in the mood
for something a little bit
more Mediterranean.
Do you have, like,
a grilled vegetable thing
with some figs or even, like,
like, any kind of small fish?
I'm sorry, sir. We don't...
we don't have a kitchen,
full kitchen here.
Well, fuck.
[CHUCKLES]
How about a glass of champagne?
- Boom.
- Great.
Perfect.
- Hey, is that the Heidsieck?
- I'm sorry?
A German sub sank a ship
on the way to Tsar Nicholas II.
Couple years back, they found the wreck
and a case of the 1907 Heidsieck.
They sent a little robot
down there to bring it back up.
Athena bought three bottles at 250K per.
And no one even knows
what the stuff tastes like.
It's just plain old champagne.
- [BOTTLE UNCORKS]
- Hmm.
- You like working for Athena?
- Yes, she's...
sweet.
She's sweet?
Don't let her hear you say that.
[MAN SHOUTING]
Hey, Jesus! What are you doing?
[GASPS]
[MAN] What is happening here?
- What is happening?
- Oh!
[GRUNTING]
What the...
Oh! Fuck! Shit.
What's going on? What is happening?
One of them's fucking awake, man.
- Oh. Okay.
- [WOMAN] Gross.
Ted!
Okay, calm down.
Everything's okay. Everything's fine.
Hey, it's all right.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
- Get... get some towels?
- [MAN] Yeah, get towels.
- Okay, no, it's okay.
- Jesus.
Shh... It's all right.
No, no, no, it's all right.
It's okay. I'm a doctor.
- [MAN] Ted, Ted, come on, man.
- Oh, great. Fantastic.
If you could just lay those towels
- on the floor right there.
- Fuck.
Now, what's his... what's his...
what's his name?
His na... Squealer, I think? I...
[SLURRING]
Randy.
- Randy? Oh, that's great.
- Yeah.
Now, I just need you... We're just gonna...
We're just gonna go down to the floor.
Just kneel down. There you go.
There. Good, good.
Now, I need you to lie
back down on those towels.
There you go. There you go.
Uh. Oh. Um, may I use your pen?
- Pen. Yes.
- Thanks.
Okay, Randy.
I'm gonna put you back to sleep now.
- What?
- Because you woke up
before you were supposed to.
[SCREAMING]
Oh, fuck!
[CLAMORING IN THE DISTANCE]
Hey, you're bleeding.
Ted, what the fuck, man?
He woke up.
And we can't have you
talking about this, now, can we, Randy?
It hasn't even started yet, man.
- [TED] Oh, geez.
- What the fuck?
You guys just gonna stand there?
- Oh!
- Oh!
- [GRUNTING]
- [CLAMORING]
My God.
Yo! Hey, hey, hey. Chill.
You need to just take it easy.
- Hey.
- All right, all right.
[SCREAMING]
Shit. Shit.
- Oh, my God!
- [WOMAN] That's gross.
Grab him!
[WOMAN] No! Stop!
- [MAN 1] All right, all right, all right.
- [MAN 2] Hold on, hold on.
It's okay, now. All right, all right.
[WOMAN] Hey.
[GASPING]
[WOMAN] Put him in the back with the rest.
This isn't right.
I mean, he doesn't even know.
I mean, it hasn't even started yet.
- [RANDY SHOUTING]
- God.
[WOMAN] No sentimentality, comrade.
War is war.
Oh. Uh... Thanks.
[GRUNTS]
Would you... would you grab me
a little seltzer water or something?
[TED GRUNTING, PANTING]
Fucking redneck.
Help.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[EXHALES]
[WIND WHISTLING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[COUGHING, CHOKING]
[PANTING]
[GASPS]
[COUGHS]
[CLICKS]
[WOMAN] Hey.
Hey.
Hello!
[SNIFFLES, COUGHS]
Hey.
[LEAVES RUSTLING, FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
What the hell is this?
[PANTING]
What?
[MUFFLED]
No! No, no, no. It's a trap.
- Huh?
- Trap.
Trap.
[MUTTERS]
[WHIMPERING]
- [CREAKING]
- [GRUNTS]
[MAN CONTINUES GRUNTING]
[PIG SQUEALING]
Hmm.
What the fuck?
[WOMAN] What's that?
[KEYS JINGLING]
Hey!
- Thank you.
- [WOMAN MUTTERING]
[GROANS]
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, sorry.
All right. All right.
- This ought to help?
- Yeah.
All right, there you go.
All right, hey, guys, I got keys.
I got keys. Here, here, here.
Here. Turn around.
Turn around. Let me help get you unlocked.
What is happening? What is all of this?
Yeah, fuck if I know. Here.
I can't use that.
Can you do this?
- Yeah.
- You can squeeze a trigger, then.
Take it.
- [WOMAN] What do we need guns for?
- [MAN] We'll get out of here.
TEC-9, Lou.
[SIGHS]
Hey.
Hey. Let me show you.
Safety.
Give it a flick, you're ready to party,
okay?
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
[GUNSHOT]
- What was that?
- I think that was a rifle.
[GUNSHOT, BULLET RICOCHETING]
- Oh, shit. Come on.
- Everybody get the fuck down!
- Move!
- Go! Go! Go!
- That almost hit me.
- [GUNSHOT]
Oh, f...
Oh, f...
Jesus Christ.
- [GUNSHOT]
- [WOMAN WHIMPERING]
- Over there.
- [GUNSHOTS]
[SHOUTING]
What the fuck?
- [GUNSHOTS]
- Oh!
Come on, let's go.
Move!
- [GUNSHOTS]
- [WOMAN SCREAMS]
[SIGHS]
[WOMAN] Help!
[GUNSHOTS]
[WOMAN] Help!
Help!
[GRUNTING]
[WOMAN GROANING]
- I fell.
- It's okay. It's okay.
I fell.
It's my birthday tomorrow.
- What?
- I'm gonna eat a whole pie.
Oh, God.
Come on, reach for me. Come on.
Come on. "Happy birthday" on three, okay?
- One, two, happy birthday!
- [GROANING]
[WOMAN CRYING]
Go. Here we go. Good job.
- Good job. Ready?
- Yeah.
[MAN] All right, let's get the fuck
out of here. Come on.
[GRUNTING, PANTING]
[CLICKS]
Holy fuck.
[GUNSHOT]
Fucking Jesus Christ. Hey.
Shoot me.
No, no, no, I'm not gonna shoot you.
- No. No, wait. No, no, no!
- Let go, you fucking snowflake!
- Don't do it! Don't...
- [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOTS]
- [GUNSHOTS]
- Jesus fucking Christ.
[GRUNTS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Okay.
Fuck.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[GUN COCKS]
Don't shoot, asshole.
I'm on your side.
They with us, too?
Yeah.
- Road means civilization.
- What?
Civilization's our fucking friend.
Hey, folks.
What's the plan, khaki man?
- Trying to figure it out.
- Sorry.
Looks like we're gonna have
to climb this bitch.
You know what this is, right?
- Goddamn Manorgate.
- That shit's real?
Seems pretty fucking real to me.
- Yeah, right, come on. Up, up, up.
- I'm going.
- Yeah.
- [ALL GRUNTING]
- [SWOOSHING]
- What?
- What the fuck was that?
- Hurry.
Oh, shit, that's fucking arrows, dude.
Hurry up.
I got you. I got you.
- Jesus fucking Christ.
- No... keep climbing.
- I'm gonna help you. Come on.
- [GRUNTS]
No! Keep climbing.
Keep climbing. Come on, no...
Up, up. Go up.
What is this Avatar shit?
We should go.
- Fuck it.
- Run!
[GASPING]
- [WOMAN] Why isn't it working?
- [MAN] Wait. Did you pull the pin?
[WOMAN] Oh, shit.
[CLICKS]
- [EXPLOSION]
- What was that?
That's another one of us
getting blown the fuck up.
- Fuck.
- We got to find shelter. Come on!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]
There's about $200 in the cash register.
It's all yours.
Give me a hand here. Come on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop.
- Where are we?
- [MA] What?
Look, son, we don't want no trouble.
- Just take the money.
- I don't want your damn money.
Where the fuck are we?
Well, Route 31, right outside of Elaine.
Elaine, where?
Which state?
Arkansas.
What?
We're in Arkansas?
Wha... Man, Jesus.
Fucking Arkansas.
- You got a phone?
- Please.
We have children. We have grandchildren.
Oh, you have grandchildren?
Can I see a picture of them?
I'm just kidding. I don't give a fuck.
Give me the phone.
Son, whatever's going on here...
What's going on is
we're getting goddamn hunted.
- [LINE TRILLING]
- But y'all have guns.
Yeah, to defend ourselves.
- Hello?
- 9-1-1. What's your emergency?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's been a killing spree.
- You gotta come here right now.
- Can you repeat that, sir?
There's been a murder spree
in the woods, a fucking massacre.
It's Manorgate!
I'm sorry, sir. I'm having trouble
understanding you.
Manorgate.
Just fucking Google it!
I can't Google it right now.
- Listen to me, okay?
- We can't do that.
We woke up with these gags in our mouth,
and they had these... these locks on 'em...
Sir, I need the address of your emergency.
Do you want my address
in Staten Island, New York,
where I went to a bar after work
and I don't remember anything
because they drugged me,
they drugged all of us?
Where'd they get you from?
Wyoming.
Orlando.
[SIGHS]
Fuck.
All right, listen to me.
They grabbed us from all over,
and they brought us here to kill us,
and they're still trying to kill us.
And they're coming down the fucking road,
and they're gonna be here
any fucking second.
Okay. What is your current location, sir?
I am at a gas station!
Could you please just trace the call?
Of course. That's a... that's a great idea.
We'll trace you, sir.
Sit tight.
- Okay.
- Help's on the way.
Good.
[LINE DISCONNECTS]
What'd they say, dude?
- They said they're coming.
- Thank Christ.
- Hey, let me get one of them.
- [MUFFLED] Get your own.
[POP] Son, would you mind
putting your gun away?
You seem a little worked up,
and you don't want it
to go off by accident.
It's not gonna go off on accident.
I own 7 guns.
- [MA] Why?
- What?
Why do you own 7 guns?
- "Stand your ground."
- Because it's my constitutional right
to protect myself if I should ever
happen to be getting fucking shot at,
which is exactly what's happening
right now. Is that okay?
So, those people that are shooting at you,
they're just exercising
the very same right?
What the fuck are you talking about?
"Will there be sugar after the Rebellion?"
[MAN] Is she okay?
Oh, sure. She's fine.
How are you?
[GROANING]
- What the fuck?
- [GRUNTING]
- Hey, you okay?
- What's wrong?
- [CHOKING]
- Hey, get some water, dude!
- What's wrong with her?
- I don't... I don't...
What happened to her?
Damn. No, no, no.
- Fuck.
- Come on. Sit up. Come on.
- [CHOKING]
- Hey, get some water, dude.
I think she's dianetic.
Oh, my God.
[GRUNTING]
[POP LAUGHING]
[MA] Don't make a mess.
What?
I'm not cleaning him up.
[GROANING]
You're going to hell.
I don't believe in hell.
As you so eloquently posted,
I'm a "godless elite."
For the record, asshole,
climate change is real.
[POP] Hit the vent, honey.
[VENT WHIRRING]
I'll get a mop.
[MA GRUNTING]
Sorry.
And sorry again.
[CONTINUES GRUNTING]
Ugh.
Oh.
What?
Nothing.
Come on, honey.
Tell me, what's wrong?
He's wearing a wedding ring.
He's a monster.
Honey, he probably uses the "N" word,
and not even in private.
He probably uses it on Twitter.
Those people suffered 400 years of bondage
at the hands
of that piece of shit's ancestors.
"Those people"?
[SIGHS]
Sorry. Black people.
African Americans.
- Honey, it's...
- Privilege, Julius.
It's perfectly fine
to call them "black" again.
[SCOFFS]
According to who?
NPR.
Which consists almost exclusively of...
White people.
[SIGHS]
We're the fucking worst.
- [WOMAN ON RADIO] Hello? Come in.
- Oh.
[MA] We're coming.
- Are you there?
- Hey! We're here.
We got three of them.
Mollie, Moses and Mr. Whymper.
Yeah? Great. Liberty got Boxer.
Stuck him full of arrows
and then blew him to pieces.
It was brutal. Anyway...
Snowball's headed toward you now.
She's maybe five minutes out.
You gonna be ready,
or do you need us to slow her down?
- We're good.
- No need.
- We're ready.
- Great.
She's unarmed, so have some fun with it.
Roger that.
Over and out.
Honey, that's poison!
You rigged the soda?
No. There are 43 grams of sugar
in that bottle.
Good God, Miranda. You really scared me.
I am not going to apologize for caring.
[CHUCKLES]
All right, then.
- Let's get some more.
- Okay.
[MAN ON TV] The climate-change myth
suffered another blow today with...
[POP] Oh.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
What's going on?
Okay, here she comes.
[POP] Hey there.
Help you?
Get a pack of lights, please.
Coming right up.
You want to fill 'er up?
I don't have a car.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, you walked over.
Uh...
Everything okay?
- I lost my wallet.
- [MA AND POP] Oh.
It's for, uh, emergencies.
[MA] You want some matches with that?
Yeah. Little sweaty.
What state is this?
Sorry?
You don't understand the question?
- No, I did. Just...
- [COINS JINGLING]
- Most people know where they are.
- [MA AND POP CHUCKLE]
Well, I ain't most people.
You're in the glorious state of Arkansas.
Is there anything else that...
[GRUNTING]
[SHOUTS]
No! No, please, no!
Cigarettes in Arkansas
only cost six bucks.
- You fucked up, bitch!
- No!
The times I forgot but never forgot
I don't know the books that you read
But you don't say that
Love never externalizes
You're rereading a book
To feel reassured
By the life of your favorite hero
But don't worry, honey, don't worry
This is just a fairy tale
Happening in the supermarket
[INHALES AND EXHALES DEEPLY]
[MAN ON RADIO] Hello?
[WOMAN] Julius? Miranda!
Are you there?
- Richard, are you on?
- [RICHARD] Yeah, yes.
Affirmative, I'm here.
This is Liberty. I can't find Orwell.
- [RICHARD] Which one's Orwell?
- Orwell is the pig.
- [RICHARD] You named the fucking pig?
- Richard, enough.
Did anyone see Snowball go in?
[RICHARD] Uh, no, we lost visual
at the road.
[WOMAN] Why don't you go take a look?
[RICHARD] Go to the... Yes. 10-4.
[BUZZING]
[RICHARD] I don't see anybody inside.
I guess I should...
- I guess I should check around the back.
- [MACHINE GUNFIRE]
- [RICHARD] Shit, I lost the...
- [WOMAN] What happened?
[RICHARD] I don't know.
I can't see anything. The signal went out.
[WOMAN] Turn your radio off.
[RICHARD] What?
[WOMAN] Turn your fucking radio off, now!
[RADIO BEEPS]
At least one of you is smart.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[GRUNTS]
[WHISTLES]
Don't fucking move!
Can you lower your gun?
- I'm a friendly.
- How do I know that?
Why don't you pull that door handle?
Then you'll blow the fuck up,
and then you'll know.
Oh, shit.
- Thanks.
- You should not have shot that drone.
But now they can't see us.
Don't need to.
You just told them we're here.
Oh. Where you going?
Saw some tracks earlier.
I'm gonna follow them.
Whose tracks?
Hey, whose tracks?
Why didn't they just kill you
when you came in?
Don't care.
You want to hear my theory?
Not really.
Did you read that article?
Every year, these liberal elites,
you know, the globalist cucks
who run the deep state,
kidnap a bunch of normal folks like us
and hunt us for fucking sport
in, like, this mansion
in Vermont or something.
I forwarded that to 50 friends.
It's not like I believed it.
You believe it?
That you have 50 friends?
No, the rest of it.
Mm...
This ain't Vermont.
Yeah.
Where you going now?
Oh.
I'm Gary.
Shut the fuck up, Gary.
Mm.
[TRAIN APPROACHING]
- How fast are you?
- What?
Train will be going slowest at the curve.
We're not getting on standing still.
Wait!
[GRUNTS]
[PANTING, GRUNTING]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Thanks.
Welcome.
[CLATTERING]
Who's there?
Come the fuck out, or I'll shoot!
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Oh, come on.
- What?
- They're not real.
Nah-uh.
You know what we have here? Crisis actors.
- [CONTINUES SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
- What are the chances
the one train car with the open door
is full of illegals?
I mean, I mean,
will you look at these fucks?
A little obvious, don't you think?
Are you fucks trying to teach us a lesson?
- Oh, no!
- [BABY CRYING]
I feel so sorry
for immigrants and refugees.
I'm gonna have to rethink
my entire position on immigration.
No, Gary, they got a baby.
So? There are crisis babies.
- [BABY CONTINUES CRYING]
- [CONTINUES SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
You're good, Mohammed,
but if you don't cut the bullshit
in three seconds,
I am gonna blow your fucking dick off.
One...
- Ah!
- Two...
- [BRAKES SCREECHING]
- [ALL GASP]
Gary. Come here, you fuck...
- [DOG BARKING]
- [MEN SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Hey! Hey!
Toss your gun.
- What?
- Toss it, or we're fucking dead.
Hey! Hey!
Sir. Sir, excuse me.
I don't know exactly where we are,
but I'm an American.
American.
- American?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Her, too.
Look, let me explain everything, sir,
'cause I know exactly
what's going on here, okay?
These are not real refugees.
These are crisis actors.
[CHUCKLES]
Look, I have a podcast.
I've been exposing these people, okay?
They were placed on the train
as a part of Manorgate.
This has all been an elaborate trap
to try to ensnare us.
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
I don't think they believe you, Gary.
Did you hear him? Did you hear...
- [LOUDLY] Did you hear him?
- [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Bullshit.
This is... That's... that's bullshit.
You're all fake! You're all fake!
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Gary, you have just got to chill,
okay, buddy?
Now, those other refugees,
they weren't part of this.
They're real. I know. I have been
embedded with them, okay?
And those soldiers, well,
they're fucking real, too.
That train wasn't supposed to be stopped.
So just calm the fuck down,
and we will get through this, all right?
And you know what?
I'll even give you guys a head start
before I come after you.
How's that sound?
You good?
Come on, buddy.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
- Gary, Gary, Gary, don't.
- [SHOUTING] I am not your buddy!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Sayonara, sugar tits.
No, no, no. Fuck. Shit.
- [CLAMORING]
- [WHISTLE BLOWING]
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
Shit, shit, shit, shit!
Fuck. Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
[CHATTERING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
I'm Dino, and this Bojan.
You have papers?
Where are we?
Where you think?
Well...
I was, uh, eating in Mississippi
when I got knocked out
for what was at least 18 hours.
So, taking that kind of into account,
along with your accent
and a license plate I fucking saw,
I'm guessing I'm probably in...
- Bosnia.
- [SNICKERS]
Serbia?
Croatia?
I'm in Croa... Croatia, then.
- How you get here?
- Doesn't matter.
You need to call the American embassy.
- [DINO] Show us paper.
- I don't have papers.
Can you call the embassy?
You are hunted?
Who said I was hunted?
Don. Hmm?
You hunted like Don?
Who the fuck is Don?
Bring Don.
[WHISTLES]
Can I have one of those?
No.
Don.
Howdy.
Yeah, hunted like Don.
Yeah. I told you, assholes.
Yeah, I was heading north
when the dogs came after me.
Man, I thought I was fucking dead.
You know, that it was
those Manorgate assholes.
Man, I was... I was relieved
when it was just the fucking Russians,
you know.
Little more. Little more, pal.
And what was up with that crate?
I mean, why did they give us weapons
before they started picking us off?
To make it more fair?
[CHUCKLES]
And what was up with that pig?
I thought they were all vegans.
Well, I cannot wait to...
to blow the lid off this shit.
Because we gonna be on Hannity,
you and me,
just like them two Jew boys
that fucked Nixon up.
You want to share
what you're thinking, sweetie?
Mm-mmm.
Come on.
You don't care
why they're doing this to us?
Well, they're trying to kill me.
I don't give a shit why.
[SCOFFS]
[CAR APPROACHING]
[LAUGHS]
Well, if it ain't Uncle Sam's nephew.
[CHUCKLES]
We're rescued.
["MISSISSIPPI DELTA"
BY BOBBY GENTRY PLAYS]
M-I-double S-I-double S-I-double P-I
Right in the middle of the cotton belt
Down in the Mississippi Delta
Wearin' last year's possum belt
Smack dab.
So you're telling me that they built
an entire gas station out here
just to convince you this was
the middle of Arkansas?
What kind of sick individual
even comes up with that? It's horrifying.
[DON] You fucking said it, junior.
Okay, we're gonna get back to the embassy.
I'm gonna contact the State Department.
We're gonna get military support out here.
- We're gonna find these animals.
- Attaboy.
[SIGHS]
Why would they do something like that?
[DON] Same reason elites do anything...
'cause they think they're better than us.
Yeah, but... but why you?
I mean, it seems so personal, right?
What?
No, no, I mean, I'm... I'm just asking,
why pick you of all people?
You must have done something
to pop up on their radar somehow.
Otherwise, why target you so specifically?
- We didn't do shit.
- Okay.
[LAUGHING]
So, what, you think this is
- our fucking fault?
- No.
No, no, that's not what I'm...
- No, I would never blame the victim.
- Yeah.
There'd have to be a reason, is all.
Can you think of anything...
anything at all, no matter how minor...
that might make somebody want
to try something as...
[GRUNTING]
[DON] Oh, my God! My God! My God!
What? No. No! My God!
Stop the car! Stop the car!
No! No!
Oh, my God! Oh!
Are you out of your mind, woman?
No, no. Why did you do that?
Oh, no. Why did you do that?
Oh, God. Is he dead?
You, what is wrong with you?
What is wrong with you?
You are not right. Oh, my God.
What the...
Oh, fuck!
Why did you do that? Why...
He was trying to save us.
He was... Oh.
Jesus.
Nope, just Gary.
How'd you know he was lying?
Because everyone is lying.
Well, maybe...
maybe you should've waited
to kill him until...
till he told us why they're doing this.
Pretty sure he wanted us to tell him.
[DON] Right, there was 11 of us
when we first woke up.
There was four down out of the gate.
A guy got grenaded.
You said there were three
at the gas station.
And I assume this is the guy
you hopped a train with.
Mm-hmm.
That just leaves you and me.
Yeah.
What... What is that?
It's where Mr. Bullshit was taking us.
[SCOFFS]
This seems a little obvious, like...
like maybe they wanted us to find it.
Depends on whether they're smart
pretending to be idiots,
or idiots pretending to be smart.
Well, I say fuck those fuckers, okay?
We got us a car. Let's just fucking go.
Okay? And I'm driving. Give me the key.
No.
"No"?
No.
My mama used to tell me this story
about the jackrabbit and the box turtle.
The jackrabbit is a real dick,
'cause he brags all the time.
Says nobody's faster than him.
And, well, it's true.
'Cause every time he races,
the jackrabbit always wins.
The whole fucking forest has to put up
with his shit... day in, day out.
Fucker always wants to race
just to rub it in some more.
So the box turtle figures,
"Why not? I'll give it a try."
And the jackrabbit, like, laughs.
Like, "Okay, this'll be fun."
"So let's fucking go." So bang!
Jackrabbit leaves the box turtle
in his fucking dust.
I mean, he is way out in front.
Of course he is,
'cause jackrabbit always wins.
But he wants to put on a show.
He'll make it seem close.
So he stops, and he takes a nap.
He sleeps longer than he wanted to.
By the time he wakes up...
I mean, he knows he's fucked.
Jackrabbit... goes full tilt,
but it's too late.
The box turtle crosses
the finish line first,
and the crowd's like...
[WHOOSHES]
Goes fucking wild.
Later that night, box turtle's
having dinner with his family.
He's telling his little box turtles
how he did it.
"I mean, never give up. I...
Just keep crawling forwards, and...
you can overcome just about anything."
Door smashes in.
It's the jackrabbit.
And he has a hammer.
Smashes up the wife and kids first
so the box turtle has to watch them die.
And then it's his turn.
Once the whole family's broken
into little pieces...
[CHUCKLES]
...he sits down and eats their dinner.
Every last bite.
'Cause the jackrabbit always wins.
Your mama told you that story?
So... so wait.
So, who's the rabbit?
I mean, is it us or them?
[PIG SQUEALING]
You see a pig with a shirt on, right?
[DON] Yep.
A little pig.
Where the hell is Oliver?
He left to get them hours ago.
I'm sure he's fine, Ted.
Oh, wow.
Ava DuVernay just liked one of my posts.
You're friends with Ava, too?
No. Maybe.
We met at a Time 100 dinner.
This is the photo that she liked.
It's from when I was in Haiti.
[LAUGHING]
Wait a second. Wait. You were in Haiti?
Remind us,
what were you doing there again?
You were curing AIDS in a favela.
Isn't that...
- Don't joke about AIDS.
- No, no, no. I'm not joking.
AIDS is very, very serious,
and thank God Martin
is single-handedly taking it on.
Okay. First of all,
there are no favelas in Haiti.
- That's Brazil.
- Well, I just...
I heard that you got a girl
pregnant down there.
- Ooh.
- I fell in love.
- Hope she was pro-choice.
- Don't joke about choice, man, please.
What matters is that Haiti is in the midst
of a decades-long humanitarian crisis,
- and it needs all the help it can get.
- Thank you.
- Does it need Martin's semen?
- Okay.
- Enough, Richard.
- Guys, we're all on the same team.
Did you say "guys"?
I'm sorry. I gendered it.
- Where are they?
- Just call Oliver on the radio.
I mean, they think he's part
of the embassy, so he's...
- [CLATTERING]
- Oh, shit.
Uh, Sergeant Dale, little help?
Please, let's keep the voices down.
- Why? They're in a car.
- You hired me to consult you.
I'm consulting you.
What was the name
of that movie you did again?
Tears of the Sun.
I mean, that's actually
what they called it?
Tears of the Sun?
Why is the sun crying?
[LAUGHING]
It came out?
I mean, like, in theaters and stuff?
- Bruce Willis was in it.
- What?
I love Bruce.
- He's cool.
- [WOMAN ON RADIO] Stop fucking talking.
- Sorry, Athena.
- Well, I'm gonna go take a piss.
Who has the hand sanitizer?
- Christ, Richard, just rough it.
- Go fuck yourself, Liberty.
Hey, watch out for the trip wires.
I know.
[SIGHING]
Fucking "rough it."
As if you ever roughed a thing
in your fucking life.
[URINATING]
Hey. Is this your pig?
[THUDS]
[CLATTERING]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[CLATTERING CONTINUES]
Everybody up. Like we practiced.
- [GUN SNAPS]
- Motherfucker!
Leave the rifles. Sidearms, now.
Come on, come on.
Shit.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
- Richard?
- Shh.
Don't shush me.
[WHISPERING]
Richard?
- [BANGING]
- Easy. They'll hit the trips.
Shit.
[GUNS COCKING]
- [SQUEALING]
- Fuck!
Stop! Stop!
Orwell!
[WHIMPERS]
What the fuck? He was an innocent.
How the hell did that get in here?
- You almost fucking shot me.
- Well I didn't, did I? Because you're not...
Hey, bitch.
[GROANS]
[GRUNTING]
Argh!
No, Snowball. No, no, no. I didn't...
[GROANING]
[GRUNTING]
[GUNSHOT]
[GRUNTING]
No, no, no.
You hick.
Goddamn.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Whoa! Hey, hey, hey, it's me.
Thank you for all the help.
Fuck you. I dropped the pig.
Come on, give me a gun.
Do you think you could find one?
Don, is there anything
you would like to ask her?
What?
You got mad that I killed
the fucker in the car
before you could ask him anything.
And I thought, you know,
now's your chance.
Why are you doing this to us?
Because Jesus told me to.
Well, there's your answer.
Whoa! Hey, hey. Come on, you can't just...
- She's a woman.
- [SCOFFS]
Hey, miss...
do you think you should be afforded mercy
just 'cause you're a girl?
No.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
- [RADIO BEEPS]
- [WOMAN ON RADIO] Don?
- [CRACKLING]
- Don. Did you get her?
Don!
Don.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Hey. Hey.
What's going on?
You one of them?
What? No!
You drop the gun and answer her.
I'm not dropping my gun.
- [RADIO BEEPS]
- Don, what's going on?
Answer her.
Who is this?
You don't have to pretend anymore.
She's figured it out.
I don't know who the fuck that is.
- Shoot her.
- Drop the gun.
Fucking shoot her, Don!
They're playing you.
They're fucking with you.
I'm on your side here.
Just drop the gun.
[THUDS]
Don?
Is she hurt?
Don's dead...
because of me.
Then I guess you'd better come and get me.
I heard them call you a consultant.
You trained these fuckers?
Yeah.
How much did they pay you?
Nothing.
I owed her a favor.
And where is she?
Why? You won.
Just go home.
Because I am, like...
Hmm...
And, uh...
I work at a car rental company.
And there is nowhere to put that.
So maybe today...
I can, like...
Hmm...
So, where the fuck is she?
[SCREAMS]
Okay, okay.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- [CONTINUES GROANING]
- Sorry.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay.
- Three klicks northwest.
- [MUMBLES] Northwest.
- There's a gravel road to the manor.
- [MUMBLES] "Road to the manor."
You have no idea what you're up against.
She's...
She's been training for eight months.
She's gonna rip you into pieces.
We'll see.
You... you were in the service?
Uh... yes.
Afghanistan.
[SNIFFLES]
Were you?
- National Guard.
- Mm.
So you were never in the shit.
I'm in it now.
That's a nice way of looking at it.
Hey.
Thank you for your service.
[GUNSHOT]
[ELEVATOR DINGS, DOORS OPEN]
Hello, Paul.
Hey. Athena. Hi.
What are you doing in my office?
Take a seat.
[ATHENA] Hello, Nicole.
Athena.
Have a seat.
[ATHENA] Hmm.
- Hi.
- [ATHENA] Hi.
So, you're aware Martin's account
got hacked last week, right?
[ATHENA]
I'm the CEO, Paul. I hear everything.
And Martin's one of my closest friends.
So you know how embarrassing
it was for him.
All the extramarital communiqus.
I call it sending his wife's oncologist
pictures of his cock.
I mean,
there are more than just the cock pics.
There were texts and e-mails,
and he said some extraordinarily
critical things about the president.
[ATHENA CHUCKLES]
Oh, well, last I heard,
- free speech still exists.
- Don't do that.
Don't First Amendment me, please.
It's not a country. It's a business.
A business, and there are optics.
[ATHENA] You fired Martin?
No, he realized he had to take one
for the team.
- [ATHENA] The team?
- Yeah, the team.
We have a team, our team.
[ATHENA] What's in the file, Nicole?
[COUGHS]
Just a sec. Um...
Do you recall a text thread you had
with Martin, Peter, Richard and Liberty,
amongst others,
December 17th at ten o'clock
in the morning?
[ATHENA] I don't recall a text thread
I had last fucking Tuesday, Paul.
Go... go ahead, Nicole.
Martin. "Did anyone see
what our ratfucker-in-chief just did?"
Liberty. "Yes. Day equals ruined."
Peter. "Infuriating."
Athena. "At least the hunt's coming up.
Nothing better than going out to The Manor
and slaughtering a dozen deplorables."
Miranda. "We promised not to talk
about The Manor on text."
Ted. "Viva El Manor."
Liberty. "Deleting this thread."
[ATHENA] Oh, I get it.
[PAUL] Are you aware there's an active
group of people out there
who believe this is a real thing?
[ATHENA] Believe what's a real thing?
That you're hunting human beings
for sport.
[LAUGHING]
[PAUL] Yeah, not funny.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah?
Wh... wh... what?
[PAUL]
Yeah, conspiracy websites are all over it.
They're going bananas.
They're going berserk.
Reddit. I mean, I don't know
the names of them all.
But, anyway, somebody pulled
a property-tax record
for the manor that you bought in Vermont.
"Manor"? No, I don't own
a fucking manor in Vermont.
It's a three-bedroom house.
[PAUL]
Jesus, I can't believe you used that word.
"Manor"?
- No.
- "Deplorables."
It's... charged.
Well, I initially typed
"fucking rednecks,"
but then I decided that wasn't specific...
- Hey, come on.
- What?
What would you prefer I call them, Paul?
- "Gun-clutching homophobes"?
- [PAUL] Hey, hey, stop, please.
- "Academically challenged racists"?
- Hey, hey.
[ATHENA]
What about "tooth-deprived bigots"?
We have our best team
at reputation management
flooding... flooding the search engines
in the hopes this thing
doesn't go mainstream.
But even if by some miracle it doesn't...
and I really don't see that happening...
Martin did what he had to.
Richard did what he had to.
He's out at BlueWest.
Julius and Miranda
had to step down from their foundation.
Liberty exited her fund.
I'm sorry.
You got to go.
Paul...
it was just a joke.
One joke.
- [PAUL] Wasn't funny.
- It wasn't real.
I mean, I wish this didn't happen.
I really do, but this...
idea is out there,
and these people believe it,
and they're not going away.
What people?
[PAUL] Sorry?
What people believe
I'm hunting human beings at my manor?
What fucking people?
Okay, this is gary4USA.
He's got a podcast
called The Confederate Files.
He's a P score 8.5.
What does that "P" stand for again?
"Piece of shit." I vote in.
- [ALL] In.
- Yeah, in.
In? Another in. Okay.
- [MIRANDA] Oh.
- [JULIUS] Oh, gross.
BigGameShane.
Trigger warning. I'm sorry.
I think the pic speaks for itself.
- In.
- He's an 8.8.
In.
Guys, we can't include everybody, okay?
Thousands of people posted
about Manorgate, so...
Christ. It's a "gate" now?
Well, they ruined water and pizza.
Why not manors?
Listen, I want to slaughter all of them
just like everybody else here, okay,
but our military consultant
says we got to cap it out at 12.
- Why?
- It's our first time.
Safety reasons, okay?
Heavens. God forbid somebody gets hurt.
Is that a kimono?
That's appropriation, Richard.
Hey, where are Liberty and Ted?
- [JULIUS] In therapy.
- Jesus. Again?
They lost everything, Richard.
They lost their jobs
and their reputations.
[RICHARD] So did I, Miranda.
But I'm dealing with it with, you know,
drugs and alcohol, like a normal person.
Excuse me, did anyone else here
get reassigned to Croatia?
- No? No? Because I did.
- That was a blessing in disguise.
We're gonna build that gas station
for pennies.
- There's no extradition...
- Next slide.
- [ALL] Whoa!
- Jesus, Oliver, I don't think...
Listen. Listen, listen. If we don't have
at least one person of color in this,
- it is going to be problematic.
- Um, I'm playing an Arab refugee.
I'm from Connecticut.
Isn't that a little problematic?
[JULIUS] That was your idea.
It was your idea.
It was weird when you said it.
Because we need to lean in
to the stereotype...
- Correct.
- ...to let them just expose their biases.
Yeah, or we can just shoot 'em
as soon as they grab their guns.
Then they're not gonna know
why we're killing them, okay?
- Next slide.
- [SIGHS]
Okay. Justice4Yall. She's a 6.5.
This is what she says...
"Fuck this bitch.
Athena Stone murders
innocent men and women..."
I don't need to hear more.
That's our Snowball.
[ATHENA ON RADIO]
Put your gun in the mailbox.
Why the fuck would I do that?
There's a shaped C-4 charge
underneath the gate.
I could blow you up right now.
But where's the fun in that?
No guns.
Put it in the mailbox. Now.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[DOG WHIMPERS]
[EXHALES]
[ATHENA] It's amazing to me.
People go their entire lives
without realizing
the most simple, obvious truth.
The only way to properly slice tomatoes
is with a bread knife.
Did you kill Don?
Uh-huh.
Because I convinced you he was one of us.
Was he?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Who am I?
Huh? Who... am... I?
Lady, I don't know who you are.
I just know that you're crazy.
I am crazy.
But I know I'm crazy.
And if you know you're crazy,
then you're not crazy.
So that just makes me really, really mad.
Okay.
So, who am I?
Crystal May Creasey.
Born in Mississippi, Whites Crossing.
Fitting.
Dropped out of school at 12,
right around the time
your daddy was killed by the police
when they raided the methamphetamine lab.
Your mother joined him
soon after that. Overdose.
Probably the last batch of Daddy's stuff.
Romantic.
You know, most people think that you
should use cheddar in a grilled cheese.
But I use Gruyre.
Nothing else has that kind of melt.
After your mom died,
you bounced from part-time job
to part-time job, to welfare and back.
More times than I could count, honestly.
The only consistency
was your inability to stay employed.
[CHUCKLES]
Which is fine.
I mean, this country belongs
to the uneducated and ignorant
as much as it belongs to me.
You fail, we pay.
Eventually, a cow falls on your head
or you blow your brains out
in a parking lot
because you finally realize
what a waste your life truly was.
But not you, Crystal.
You decided to go on the Internet
and run your stupid mouth.
Thirteen months ago,
you posted this on a message board
under the screen name Justice4Yall.
I want to make sure I...
I get it exactly right.
Fuck this bitch.
Athena Stone murders innocent men
and women for sport.
The evidence is all there.
T-H-E-I-R.
Her manor, her travel records.
Oh, and in case you were still
on the fence,
she fucking admitted to it
in a text message.
"Admitted" was all caps.
- Huh.
- Huh?
That's all you have to say for yourself?
Everybody you kidnapped and killed,
that's 'cause they busted you
and your friends
and put it on the Internet?
No one busted us. We were joking.
But you ignorami took it literally.
You actually believed
we were hunting human beings for sport.
But you are.
- What?
- Hunting human beings for sport.
- No.
- Oh, yeah.
It wasn't true.
[STAMMERS]
- This is your manor, isn't it?
- It's not a fucking manor.
It's a house I rented in Croatia
and had decorated.
Okay, right, but it's yours,
and you're hunting people, so it's...
I mean, it's true.
Now. Now it's true
because you made it true.
You people, you take anything you want,
and you twist it around
until it fits into your
backwards fucking worldview.
You wanted it to be true,
so you decided it was.
This was your idea.
Well...
not my idea.
Ooh, I did not want to mess up
your big grilled-cheese speech, but...
oh, you done fucked up, lady.
See, you got the wrong Crystal.
There's another Crystal May Creasey
back home.
But she spells "May" with an "E."
Hey, I get her mail sometimes.
And my dad's an asshole,
but I don't think he ever did drugs.
And my mom...
she's alive, too.
Can we call her? Let's call her right now.
- No. No way.
- Give me the phone.
- I'll call her up.
- Do I look fucking stupid?
Fine. I'll give you her number,
and you can call.
- That's not gonna happen.
- Yeah.
Oh, you don't really care about the truth,
do you?
Of course I do.
The only difference is I'm right.
Hey, maybe.
Maybe not.
Now, do I have to keep listening
to Beethoven,
or can we fucking get on with it?
[CLASSICAL MUSIC]
[GRUNTING]
That was good.
[CONTINUE GRUNTING]
Mm.
- [CRASHING]
- [MUSIC STOPS]
[ATHENA] No!
[LAUGHS]
Hey, Crystal.
- [GUNSHOT]
- [CRYSTAL] Fuck!
You need a gun now, bitch?
That's fucking cheating!
Fuck you!
[GROANING]
- One second.
- Yeah.
No more glass!
[SHOUTS]
[SHOUTS]
I got you.
[GROANS]
Ah.
Okay.
Hey.
I got you, too.
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Why did you call me Snowball?
It's a reference.
To George Orwell's Animal Farm.
He's a pig.
Yeah, but why am I Snowball?
Snowball is an idealist.
He... he wants to make
the world a better place.
That's why the other pigs
make up lies about him,
turn him into the enemy.
I think you should be Snowball.
You read Animal Farm?
Yes, ma'am, I did.
Can I...
ask you a question?
Are you Justice4Yall?
I mean, come on.
We're both dead.
Just tell me.
I got the right Crystal, didn't I?
No, ma'am, you did not.
Whoops.
["GIRLS IT AIN'T EASY"
BY HONEY CONE PLAYS]
It ain't easy, girls, it ain't easy
To keep the man you love satisfied
It ain't easy, girls, it ain't easy
To keep the one you love by your side
A woman's work is never done
Even if it stops, it goes on and on
- [MUFFLED SCREAM]
- We work our fingers to the bone
Gotta be home every time he'd phone
Sometimes the goin'
Gets a little tough
It's seems our best ain't good enough
Keeps you losin' sleep
Seven days a week, yeah
It ain't easy, girls, it ain't easy
To keep the one you love by your side
Do all you can
And though he seems ungrateful
- [CRYSTAL] Hey there.
- Oh, shit.
The, uh...
assholes you work for tried to kill me,
so I killed them instead.
Now I want to go home.
That gonna be a problem?
- Certainly not, ma'am.
- No.
May I... may I pour that for you?
Yeah.
[AIRCRAFT DOOR CLOSING]
- [BOTTLE UNCORKS]
- How about a snack?
- We have fantastic caviar. It's osetra...
- Yeah.
You got it.
You ever had caviar?
No, I don't... I don't think
I'm really allowed to.
Well, you are now. Have a seat.
- Dig in.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
How... how is it?
It's fucking great.
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
[PHONE VIBRATING]
[PHONE CHIMING]
[WOMAN LAUGHS]
[SCOFFS]
[LAUGHS]
[WOMAN] Excuse me.
Sir?
Sir?
Can I get you a snack?
Uh, what?
I'm sorry, sir.
I didn't mean to interrupt.
I just wanted to see
if you'd like a snack.
I'm just kidding.
[LAUGHS]
- Oh. Okay.
- Yeah.
- What's up?
- We have some fantastic caviar.
It's osetra, fresh from...
You ever had caviar?
No, sir.
It's delicious. It is, yeah.
But I had some last night.
You know what? I'm actually in the mood
for something a little bit
more Mediterranean.
Do you have, like,
a grilled vegetable thing
with some figs or even, like,
like, any kind of small fish?
I'm sorry, sir. We don't...
we don't have a kitchen,
full kitchen here.
Well, fuck.
[CHUCKLES]
How about a glass of champagne?
- Boom.
- Great.
Perfect.
- Hey, is that the Heidsieck?
- I'm sorry?
A German sub sank a ship
on the way to Tsar Nicholas II.
Couple years back, they found the wreck
and a case of the 1907 Heidsieck.
They sent a little robot
down there to bring it back up.
Athena bought three bottles at 250K per.
And no one even knows
what the stuff tastes like.
It's just plain old champagne.
- [BOTTLE UNCORKS]
- Hmm.
- You like working for Athena?
- Yes, she's...
sweet.
She's sweet?
Don't let her hear you say that.
[MAN SHOUTING]
Hey, Jesus! What are you doing?
[GASPS]
[MAN] What is happening here?
- What is happening?
- Oh!
[GRUNTING]
What the...
Oh! Fuck! Shit.
What's going on? What is happening?
One of them's fucking awake, man.
- Oh. Okay.
- [WOMAN] Gross.
Ted!
Okay, calm down.
Everything's okay. Everything's fine.
Hey, it's all right.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
- Get... get some towels?
- [MAN] Yeah, get towels.
- Okay, no, it's okay.
- Jesus.
Shh... It's all right.
No, no, no, it's all right.
It's okay. I'm a doctor.
- [MAN] Ted, Ted, come on, man.
- Oh, great. Fantastic.
If you could just lay those towels
- on the floor right there.
- Fuck.
Now, what's his... what's his...
what's his name?
His na... Squealer, I think? I...
[SLURRING]
Randy.
- Randy? Oh, that's great.
- Yeah.
Now, I just need you... We're just gonna...
We're just gonna go down to the floor.
Just kneel down. There you go.
There. Good, good.
Now, I need you to lie
back down on those towels.
There you go. There you go.
Uh. Oh. Um, may I use your pen?
- Pen. Yes.
- Thanks.
Okay, Randy.
I'm gonna put you back to sleep now.
- What?
- Because you woke up
before you were supposed to.
[SCREAMING]
Oh, fuck!
[CLAMORING IN THE DISTANCE]
Hey, you're bleeding.
Ted, what the fuck, man?
He woke up.
And we can't have you
talking about this, now, can we, Randy?
It hasn't even started yet, man.
- [TED] Oh, geez.
- What the fuck?
You guys just gonna stand there?
- Oh!
- Oh!
- [GRUNTING]
- [CLAMORING]
My God.
Yo! Hey, hey, hey. Chill.
You need to just take it easy.
- Hey.
- All right, all right.
[SCREAMING]
Shit. Shit.
- Oh, my God!
- [WOMAN] That's gross.
Grab him!
[WOMAN] No! Stop!
- [MAN 1] All right, all right, all right.
- [MAN 2] Hold on, hold on.
It's okay, now. All right, all right.
[WOMAN] Hey.
[GASPING]
[WOMAN] Put him in the back with the rest.
This isn't right.
I mean, he doesn't even know.
I mean, it hasn't even started yet.
- [RANDY SHOUTING]
- God.
[WOMAN] No sentimentality, comrade.
War is war.
Oh. Uh... Thanks.
[GRUNTS]
Would you... would you grab me
a little seltzer water or something?
[TED GRUNTING, PANTING]
Fucking redneck.
Help.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[EXHALES]
[WIND WHISTLING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[COUGHING, CHOKING]
[PANTING]
[GASPS]
[COUGHS]
[CLICKS]
[WOMAN] Hey.
Hey.
Hello!
[SNIFFLES, COUGHS]
Hey.
[LEAVES RUSTLING, FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
What the hell is this?
[PANTING]
What?
[MUFFLED]
No! No, no, no. It's a trap.
- Huh?
- Trap.
Trap.
[MUTTERS]
[WHIMPERING]
- [CREAKING]
- [GRUNTS]
[MAN CONTINUES GRUNTING]
[PIG SQUEALING]
Hmm.
What the fuck?
[WOMAN] What's that?
[KEYS JINGLING]
Hey!
- Thank you.
- [WOMAN MUTTERING]
[GROANS]
Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, sorry.
All right. All right.
- This ought to help?
- Yeah.
All right, there you go.
All right, hey, guys, I got keys.
I got keys. Here, here, here.
Here. Turn around.
Turn around. Let me help get you unlocked.
What is happening? What is all of this?
Yeah, fuck if I know. Here.
I can't use that.
Can you do this?
- Yeah.
- You can squeeze a trigger, then.
Take it.
- [WOMAN] What do we need guns for?
- [MAN] We'll get out of here.
TEC-9, Lou.
[SIGHS]
Hey.
Hey. Let me show you.
Safety.
Give it a flick, you're ready to party,
okay?
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
[GUNSHOT]
- What was that?
- I think that was a rifle.
[GUNSHOT, BULLET RICOCHETING]
- Oh, shit. Come on.
- Everybody get the fuck down!
- Move!
- Go! Go! Go!
- That almost hit me.
- [GUNSHOT]
Oh, f...
Oh, f...
Jesus Christ.
- [GUNSHOT]
- [WOMAN WHIMPERING]
- Over there.
- [GUNSHOTS]
[SHOUTING]
What the fuck?
- [GUNSHOTS]
- Oh!
Come on, let's go.
Move!
- [GUNSHOTS]
- [WOMAN SCREAMS]
[SIGHS]
[WOMAN] Help!
[GUNSHOTS]
[WOMAN] Help!
Help!
[GRUNTING]
[WOMAN GROANING]
- I fell.
- It's okay. It's okay.
I fell.
It's my birthday tomorrow.
- What?
- I'm gonna eat a whole pie.
Oh, God.
Come on, reach for me. Come on.
Come on. "Happy birthday" on three, okay?
- One, two, happy birthday!
- [GROANING]
[WOMAN CRYING]
Go. Here we go. Good job.
- Good job. Ready?
- Yeah.
[MAN] All right, let's get the fuck
out of here. Come on.
[GRUNTING, PANTING]
[CLICKS]
Holy fuck.
[GUNSHOT]
Fucking Jesus Christ. Hey.
Shoot me.
No, no, no, I'm not gonna shoot you.
- No. No, wait. No, no, no!
- Let go, you fucking snowflake!
- Don't do it! Don't...
- [GUNSHOT]
[GUNSHOTS]
- [GUNSHOTS]
- Jesus fucking Christ.
[GRUNTS]
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
Okay.
Fuck.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[GUN COCKS]
Don't shoot, asshole.
I'm on your side.
They with us, too?
Yeah.
- Road means civilization.
- What?
Civilization's our fucking friend.
Hey, folks.
What's the plan, khaki man?
- Trying to figure it out.
- Sorry.
Looks like we're gonna have
to climb this bitch.
You know what this is, right?
- Goddamn Manorgate.
- That shit's real?
Seems pretty fucking real to me.
- Yeah, right, come on. Up, up, up.
- I'm going.
- Yeah.
- [ALL GRUNTING]
- [SWOOSHING]
- What?
- What the fuck was that?
- Hurry.
Oh, shit, that's fucking arrows, dude.
Hurry up.
I got you. I got you.
- Jesus fucking Christ.
- No... keep climbing.
- I'm gonna help you. Come on.
- [GRUNTS]
No! Keep climbing.
Keep climbing. Come on, no...
Up, up. Go up.
What is this Avatar shit?
We should go.
- Fuck it.
- Run!
[GASPING]
- [WOMAN] Why isn't it working?
- [MAN] Wait. Did you pull the pin?
[WOMAN] Oh, shit.
[CLICKS]
- [EXPLOSION]
- What was that?
That's another one of us
getting blown the fuck up.
- Fuck.
- We got to find shelter. Come on!
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]
There's about $200 in the cash register.
It's all yours.
Give me a hand here. Come on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stop.
- Where are we?
- [MA] What?
Look, son, we don't want no trouble.
- Just take the money.
- I don't want your damn money.
Where the fuck are we?
Well, Route 31, right outside of Elaine.
Elaine, where?
Which state?
Arkansas.
What?
We're in Arkansas?
Wha... Man, Jesus.
Fucking Arkansas.
- You got a phone?
- Please.
We have children. We have grandchildren.
Oh, you have grandchildren?
Can I see a picture of them?
I'm just kidding. I don't give a fuck.
Give me the phone.
Son, whatever's going on here...
What's going on is
we're getting goddamn hunted.
- [LINE TRILLING]
- But y'all have guns.
Yeah, to defend ourselves.
- Hello?
- 9-1-1. What's your emergency?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's been a killing spree.
- You gotta come here right now.
- Can you repeat that, sir?
There's been a murder spree
in the woods, a fucking massacre.
It's Manorgate!
I'm sorry, sir. I'm having trouble
understanding you.
Manorgate.
Just fucking Google it!
I can't Google it right now.
- Listen to me, okay?
- We can't do that.
We woke up with these gags in our mouth,
and they had these... these locks on 'em...
Sir, I need the address of your emergency.
Do you want my address
in Staten Island, New York,
where I went to a bar after work
and I don't remember anything
because they drugged me,
they drugged all of us?
Where'd they get you from?
Wyoming.
Orlando.
[SIGHS]
Fuck.
All right, listen to me.
They grabbed us from all over,
and they brought us here to kill us,
and they're still trying to kill us.
And they're coming down the fucking road,
and they're gonna be here
any fucking second.
Okay. What is your current location, sir?
I am at a gas station!
Could you please just trace the call?
Of course. That's a... that's a great idea.
We'll trace you, sir.
Sit tight.
- Okay.
- Help's on the way.
Good.
[LINE DISCONNECTS]
What'd they say, dude?
- They said they're coming.
- Thank Christ.
- Hey, let me get one of them.
- [MUFFLED] Get your own.
[POP] Son, would you mind
putting your gun away?
You seem a little worked up,
and you don't want it
to go off by accident.
It's not gonna go off on accident.
I own 7 guns.
- [MA] Why?
- What?
Why do you own 7 guns?
- "Stand your ground."
- Because it's my constitutional right
to protect myself if I should ever
happen to be getting fucking shot at,
which is exactly what's happening
right now. Is that okay?
So, those people that are shooting at you,
they're just exercising
the very same right?
What the fuck are you talking about?
"Will there be sugar after the Rebellion?"
[MAN] Is she okay?
Oh, sure. She's fine.
How are you?
[GROANING]
- What the fuck?
- [GRUNTING]
- Hey, you okay?
- What's wrong?
- [CHOKING]
- Hey, get some water, dude!
- What's wrong with her?
- I don't... I don't...
What happened to her?
Damn. No, no, no.
- Fuck.
- Come on. Sit up. Come on.
- [CHOKING]
- Hey, get some water, dude.
I think she's dianetic.
Oh, my God.
[GRUNTING]
[POP LAUGHING]
[MA] Don't make a mess.
What?
I'm not cleaning him up.
[GROANING]
You're going to hell.
I don't believe in hell.
As you so eloquently posted,
I'm a "godless elite."
For the record, asshole,
climate change is real.
[POP] Hit the vent, honey.
[VENT WHIRRING]
I'll get a mop.
[MA GRUNTING]
Sorry.
And sorry again.
[CONTINUES GRUNTING]
Ugh.
Oh.
What?
Nothing.
Come on, honey.
Tell me, what's wrong?
He's wearing a wedding ring.
He's a monster.
Honey, he probably uses the "N" word,
and not even in private.
He probably uses it on Twitter.
Those people suffered 400 years of bondage
at the hands
of that piece of shit's ancestors.
"Those people"?
[SIGHS]
Sorry. Black people.
African Americans.
- Honey, it's...
- Privilege, Julius.
It's perfectly fine
to call them "black" again.
[SCOFFS]
According to who?
NPR.
Which consists almost exclusively of...
White people.
[SIGHS]
We're the fucking worst.
- [WOMAN ON RADIO] Hello? Come in.
- Oh.
[MA] We're coming.
- Are you there?
- Hey! We're here.
We got three of them.
Mollie, Moses and Mr. Whymper.
Yeah? Great. Liberty got Boxer.
Stuck him full of arrows
and then blew him to pieces.
It was brutal. Anyway...
Snowball's headed toward you now.
She's maybe five minutes out.
You gonna be ready,
or do you need us to slow her down?
- We're good.
- No need.
- We're ready.
- Great.
She's unarmed, so have some fun with it.
Roger that.
Over and out.
Honey, that's poison!
You rigged the soda?
No. There are 43 grams of sugar
in that bottle.
Good God, Miranda. You really scared me.
I am not going to apologize for caring.
[CHUCKLES]
All right, then.
- Let's get some more.
- Okay.
[MAN ON TV] The climate-change myth
suffered another blow today with...
[POP] Oh.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
What's going on?
Okay, here she comes.
[POP] Hey there.
Help you?
Get a pack of lights, please.
Coming right up.
You want to fill 'er up?
I don't have a car.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh, you walked over.
Uh...
Everything okay?
- I lost my wallet.
- [MA AND POP] Oh.
It's for, uh, emergencies.
[MA] You want some matches with that?
Yeah. Little sweaty.
What state is this?
Sorry?
You don't understand the question?
- No, I did. Just...
- [COINS JINGLING]
- Most people know where they are.
- [MA AND POP CHUCKLE]
Well, I ain't most people.
You're in the glorious state of Arkansas.
Is there anything else that...
[GRUNTING]
[SHOUTS]
No! No, please, no!
Cigarettes in Arkansas
only cost six bucks.
- You fucked up, bitch!
- No!
The times I forgot but never forgot
I don't know the books that you read
But you don't say that
Love never externalizes
You're rereading a book
To feel reassured
By the life of your favorite hero
But don't worry, honey, don't worry
This is just a fairy tale
Happening in the supermarket
[INHALES AND EXHALES DEEPLY]
[MAN ON RADIO] Hello?
[WOMAN] Julius? Miranda!
Are you there?
- Richard, are you on?
- [RICHARD] Yeah, yes.
Affirmative, I'm here.
This is Liberty. I can't find Orwell.
- [RICHARD] Which one's Orwell?
- Orwell is the pig.
- [RICHARD] You named the fucking pig?
- Richard, enough.
Did anyone see Snowball go in?
[RICHARD] Uh, no, we lost visual
at the road.
[WOMAN] Why don't you go take a look?
[RICHARD] Go to the... Yes. 10-4.
[BUZZING]
[RICHARD] I don't see anybody inside.
I guess I should...
- I guess I should check around the back.
- [MACHINE GUNFIRE]
- [RICHARD] Shit, I lost the...
- [WOMAN] What happened?
[RICHARD] I don't know.
I can't see anything. The signal went out.
[WOMAN] Turn your radio off.
[RICHARD] What?
[WOMAN] Turn your fucking radio off, now!
[RADIO BEEPS]
At least one of you is smart.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
[GRUNTS]
[WHISTLES]
Don't fucking move!
Can you lower your gun?
- I'm a friendly.
- How do I know that?
Why don't you pull that door handle?
Then you'll blow the fuck up,
and then you'll know.
Oh, shit.
- Thanks.
- You should not have shot that drone.
But now they can't see us.
Don't need to.
You just told them we're here.
Oh. Where you going?
Saw some tracks earlier.
I'm gonna follow them.
Whose tracks?
Hey, whose tracks?
Why didn't they just kill you
when you came in?
Don't care.
You want to hear my theory?
Not really.
Did you read that article?
Every year, these liberal elites,
you know, the globalist cucks
who run the deep state,
kidnap a bunch of normal folks like us
and hunt us for fucking sport
in, like, this mansion
in Vermont or something.
I forwarded that to 50 friends.
It's not like I believed it.
You believe it?
That you have 50 friends?
No, the rest of it.
Mm...
This ain't Vermont.
Yeah.
Where you going now?
Oh.
I'm Gary.
Shut the fuck up, Gary.
Mm.
[TRAIN APPROACHING]
- How fast are you?
- What?
Train will be going slowest at the curve.
We're not getting on standing still.
Wait!
[GRUNTS]
[PANTING, GRUNTING]
[INHALES DEEPLY]
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Thanks.
Welcome.
[CLATTERING]
Who's there?
Come the fuck out, or I'll shoot!
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Oh, come on.
- What?
- They're not real.
Nah-uh.
You know what we have here? Crisis actors.
- [CONTINUES SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
- What are the chances
the one train car with the open door
is full of illegals?
I mean, I mean,
will you look at these fucks?
A little obvious, don't you think?
Are you fucks trying to teach us a lesson?
- Oh, no!
- [BABY CRYING]
I feel so sorry
for immigrants and refugees.
I'm gonna have to rethink
my entire position on immigration.
No, Gary, they got a baby.
So? There are crisis babies.
- [BABY CONTINUES CRYING]
- [CONTINUES SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
You're good, Mohammed,
but if you don't cut the bullshit
in three seconds,
I am gonna blow your fucking dick off.
One...
- Ah!
- Two...
- [BRAKES SCREECHING]
- [ALL GASP]
Gary. Come here, you fuck...
- [DOG BARKING]
- [MEN SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Hey! Hey!
Toss your gun.
- What?
- Toss it, or we're fucking dead.
Hey! Hey!
Sir. Sir, excuse me.
I don't know exactly where we are,
but I'm an American.
American.
- American?
- Yeah. Yeah.
Her, too.
Look, let me explain everything, sir,
'cause I know exactly
what's going on here, okay?
These are not real refugees.
These are crisis actors.
[CHUCKLES]
Look, I have a podcast.
I've been exposing these people, okay?
They were placed on the train
as a part of Manorgate.
This has all been an elaborate trap
to try to ensnare us.
[SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
I don't think they believe you, Gary.
Did you hear him? Did you hear...
- [LOUDLY] Did you hear him?
- [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Bullshit.
This is... That's... that's bullshit.
You're all fake! You're all fake!
[SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Gary, you have just got to chill,
okay, buddy?
Now, those other refugees,
they weren't part of this.
They're real. I know. I have been
embedded with them, okay?
And those soldiers, well,
they're fucking real, too.
That train wasn't supposed to be stopped.
So just calm the fuck down,
and we will get through this, all right?
And you know what?
I'll even give you guys a head start
before I come after you.
How's that sound?
You good?
Come on, buddy.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
- Gary, Gary, Gary, don't.
- [SHOUTING] I am not your buddy!
[BOTH GRUNTING]
Sayonara, sugar tits.
No, no, no. Fuck. Shit.
- [CLAMORING]
- [WHISTLE BLOWING]
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!
Shit, shit, shit, shit!
Fuck. Shit, shit, shit, shit,
shit, shit, shit.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
[CHATTERING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
I'm Dino, and this Bojan.
You have papers?
Where are we?
Where you think?
Well...
I was, uh, eating in Mississippi
when I got knocked out
for what was at least 18 hours.
So, taking that kind of into account,
along with your accent
and a license plate I fucking saw,
I'm guessing I'm probably in...
- Bosnia.
- [SNICKERS]
Serbia?
Croatia?
I'm in Croa... Croatia, then.
- How you get here?
- Doesn't matter.
You need to call the American embassy.
- [DINO] Show us paper.
- I don't have papers.
Can you call the embassy?
You are hunted?
Who said I was hunted?
Don. Hmm?
You hunted like Don?
Who the fuck is Don?
Bring Don.
[WHISTLES]
Can I have one of those?
No.
Don.
Howdy.
Yeah, hunted like Don.
Yeah. I told you, assholes.
Yeah, I was heading north
when the dogs came after me.
Man, I thought I was fucking dead.
You know, that it was
those Manorgate assholes.
Man, I was... I was relieved
when it was just the fucking Russians,
you know.
Little more. Little more, pal.
And what was up with that crate?
I mean, why did they give us weapons
before they started picking us off?
To make it more fair?
[CHUCKLES]
And what was up with that pig?
I thought they were all vegans.
Well, I cannot wait to...
to blow the lid off this shit.
Because we gonna be on Hannity,
you and me,
just like them two Jew boys
that fucked Nixon up.
You want to share
what you're thinking, sweetie?
Mm-mmm.
Come on.
You don't care
why they're doing this to us?
Well, they're trying to kill me.
I don't give a shit why.
[SCOFFS]
[CAR APPROACHING]
[LAUGHS]
Well, if it ain't Uncle Sam's nephew.
[CHUCKLES]
We're rescued.
["MISSISSIPPI DELTA"
BY BOBBY GENTRY PLAYS]
M-I-double S-I-double S-I-double P-I
Right in the middle of the cotton belt
Down in the Mississippi Delta
Wearin' last year's possum belt
Smack dab.
So you're telling me that they built
an entire gas station out here
just to convince you this was
the middle of Arkansas?
What kind of sick individual
even comes up with that? It's horrifying.
[DON] You fucking said it, junior.
Okay, we're gonna get back to the embassy.
I'm gonna contact the State Department.
We're gonna get military support out here.
- We're gonna find these animals.
- Attaboy.
[SIGHS]
Why would they do something like that?
[DON] Same reason elites do anything...
'cause they think they're better than us.
Yeah, but... but why you?
I mean, it seems so personal, right?
What?
No, no, I mean, I'm... I'm just asking,
why pick you of all people?
You must have done something
to pop up on their radar somehow.
Otherwise, why target you so specifically?
- We didn't do shit.
- Okay.
[LAUGHING]
So, what, you think this is
- our fucking fault?
- No.
No, no, that's not what I'm...
- No, I would never blame the victim.
- Yeah.
There'd have to be a reason, is all.
Can you think of anything...
anything at all, no matter how minor...
that might make somebody want
to try something as...
[GRUNTING]
[DON] Oh, my God! My God! My God!
What? No. No! My God!
Stop the car! Stop the car!
No! No!
Oh, my God! Oh!
Are you out of your mind, woman?
No, no. Why did you do that?
Oh, no. Why did you do that?
Oh, God. Is he dead?
You, what is wrong with you?
What is wrong with you?
You are not right. Oh, my God.
What the...
Oh, fuck!
Why did you do that? Why...
He was trying to save us.
He was... Oh.
Jesus.
Nope, just Gary.
How'd you know he was lying?
Because everyone is lying.
Well, maybe...
maybe you should've waited
to kill him until...
till he told us why they're doing this.
Pretty sure he wanted us to tell him.
[DON] Right, there was 11 of us
when we first woke up.
There was four down out of the gate.
A guy got grenaded.
You said there were three
at the gas station.
And I assume this is the guy
you hopped a train with.
Mm-hmm.
That just leaves you and me.
Yeah.
What... What is that?
It's where Mr. Bullshit was taking us.
[SCOFFS]
This seems a little obvious, like...
like maybe they wanted us to find it.
Depends on whether they're smart
pretending to be idiots,
or idiots pretending to be smart.
Well, I say fuck those fuckers, okay?
We got us a car. Let's just fucking go.
Okay? And I'm driving. Give me the key.
No.
"No"?
No.
My mama used to tell me this story
about the jackrabbit and the box turtle.
The jackrabbit is a real dick,
'cause he brags all the time.
Says nobody's faster than him.
And, well, it's true.
'Cause every time he races,
the jackrabbit always wins.
The whole fucking forest has to put up
with his shit... day in, day out.
Fucker always wants to race
just to rub it in some more.
So the box turtle figures,
"Why not? I'll give it a try."
And the jackrabbit, like, laughs.
Like, "Okay, this'll be fun."
"So let's fucking go." So bang!
Jackrabbit leaves the box turtle
in his fucking dust.
I mean, he is way out in front.
Of course he is,
'cause jackrabbit always wins.
But he wants to put on a show.
He'll make it seem close.
So he stops, and he takes a nap.
He sleeps longer than he wanted to.
By the time he wakes up...
I mean, he knows he's fucked.
Jackrabbit... goes full tilt,
but it's too late.
The box turtle crosses
the finish line first,
and the crowd's like...
[WHOOSHES]
Goes fucking wild.
Later that night, box turtle's
having dinner with his family.
He's telling his little box turtles
how he did it.
"I mean, never give up. I...
Just keep crawling forwards, and...
you can overcome just about anything."
Door smashes in.
It's the jackrabbit.
And he has a hammer.
Smashes up the wife and kids first
so the box turtle has to watch them die.
And then it's his turn.
Once the whole family's broken
into little pieces...
[CHUCKLES]
...he sits down and eats their dinner.
Every last bite.
'Cause the jackrabbit always wins.
Your mama told you that story?
So... so wait.
So, who's the rabbit?
I mean, is it us or them?
[PIG SQUEALING]
You see a pig with a shirt on, right?
[DON] Yep.
A little pig.
Where the hell is Oliver?
He left to get them hours ago.
I'm sure he's fine, Ted.
Oh, wow.
Ava DuVernay just liked one of my posts.
You're friends with Ava, too?
No. Maybe.
We met at a Time 100 dinner.
This is the photo that she liked.
It's from when I was in Haiti.
[LAUGHING]
Wait a second. Wait. You were in Haiti?
Remind us,
what were you doing there again?
You were curing AIDS in a favela.
Isn't that...
- Don't joke about AIDS.
- No, no, no. I'm not joking.
AIDS is very, very serious,
and thank God Martin
is single-handedly taking it on.
Okay. First of all,
there are no favelas in Haiti.
- That's Brazil.
- Well, I just...
I heard that you got a girl
pregnant down there.
- Ooh.
- I fell in love.
- Hope she was pro-choice.
- Don't joke about choice, man, please.
What matters is that Haiti is in the midst
of a decades-long humanitarian crisis,
- and it needs all the help it can get.
- Thank you.
- Does it need Martin's semen?
- Okay.
- Enough, Richard.
- Guys, we're all on the same team.
Did you say "guys"?
I'm sorry. I gendered it.
- Where are they?
- Just call Oliver on the radio.
I mean, they think he's part
of the embassy, so he's...
- [CLATTERING]
- Oh, shit.
Uh, Sergeant Dale, little help?
Please, let's keep the voices down.
- Why? They're in a car.
- You hired me to consult you.
I'm consulting you.
What was the name
of that movie you did again?
Tears of the Sun.
I mean, that's actually
what they called it?
Tears of the Sun?
Why is the sun crying?
[LAUGHING]
It came out?
I mean, like, in theaters and stuff?
- Bruce Willis was in it.
- What?
I love Bruce.
- He's cool.
- [WOMAN ON RADIO] Stop fucking talking.
- Sorry, Athena.
- Well, I'm gonna go take a piss.
Who has the hand sanitizer?
- Christ, Richard, just rough it.
- Go fuck yourself, Liberty.
Hey, watch out for the trip wires.
I know.
[SIGHING]
Fucking "rough it."
As if you ever roughed a thing
in your fucking life.
[URINATING]
Hey. Is this your pig?
[THUDS]
[CLATTERING]
[FOOTSTEPS]
[CLATTERING CONTINUES]
Everybody up. Like we practiced.
- [GUN SNAPS]
- Motherfucker!
Leave the rifles. Sidearms, now.
Come on, come on.
Shit.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
- Richard?
- Shh.
Don't shush me.
[WHISPERING]
Richard?
- [BANGING]
- Easy. They'll hit the trips.
Shit.
[GUNS COCKING]
- [SQUEALING]
- Fuck!
Stop! Stop!
Orwell!
[WHIMPERS]
What the fuck? He was an innocent.
How the hell did that get in here?
- You almost fucking shot me.
- Well I didn't, did I? Because you're not...
Hey, bitch.
[GROANS]
[GRUNTING]
Argh!
No, Snowball. No, no, no. I didn't...
[GROANING]
[GRUNTING]
[GUNSHOT]
[GRUNTING]
No, no, no.
You hick.
Goddamn.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
Whoa! Hey, hey, hey, it's me.
Thank you for all the help.
Fuck you. I dropped the pig.
Come on, give me a gun.
Do you think you could find one?
Don, is there anything
you would like to ask her?
What?
You got mad that I killed
the fucker in the car
before you could ask him anything.
And I thought, you know,
now's your chance.
Why are you doing this to us?
Because Jesus told me to.
Well, there's your answer.
Whoa! Hey, hey. Come on, you can't just...
- She's a woman.
- [SCOFFS]
Hey, miss...
do you think you should be afforded mercy
just 'cause you're a girl?
No.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
- [RADIO BEEPS]
- [WOMAN ON RADIO] Don?
- [CRACKLING]
- Don. Did you get her?
Don!
Don.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Hey. Hey.
What's going on?
You one of them?
What? No!
You drop the gun and answer her.
I'm not dropping my gun.
- [RADIO BEEPS]
- Don, what's going on?
Answer her.
Who is this?
You don't have to pretend anymore.
She's figured it out.
I don't know who the fuck that is.
- Shoot her.
- Drop the gun.
Fucking shoot her, Don!
They're playing you.
They're fucking with you.
I'm on your side here.
Just drop the gun.
[THUDS]
Don?
Is she hurt?
Don's dead...
because of me.
Then I guess you'd better come and get me.
I heard them call you a consultant.
You trained these fuckers?
Yeah.
How much did they pay you?
Nothing.
I owed her a favor.
And where is she?
Why? You won.
Just go home.
Because I am, like...
Hmm...
And, uh...
I work at a car rental company.
And there is nowhere to put that.
So maybe today...
I can, like...
Hmm...
So, where the fuck is she?
[SCREAMS]
Okay, okay.
- Sorry. Sorry.
- [CONTINUES GROANING]
- Sorry.
- Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Okay.
- Three klicks northwest.
- [MUMBLES] Northwest.
- There's a gravel road to the manor.
- [MUMBLES] "Road to the manor."
You have no idea what you're up against.
She's...
She's been training for eight months.
She's gonna rip you into pieces.
We'll see.
You... you were in the service?
Uh... yes.
Afghanistan.
[SNIFFLES]
Were you?
- National Guard.
- Mm.
So you were never in the shit.
I'm in it now.
That's a nice way of looking at it.
Hey.
Thank you for your service.
[GUNSHOT]
[ELEVATOR DINGS, DOORS OPEN]
Hello, Paul.
Hey. Athena. Hi.
What are you doing in my office?
Take a seat.
[ATHENA] Hello, Nicole.
Athena.
Have a seat.
[ATHENA] Hmm.
- Hi.
- [ATHENA] Hi.
So, you're aware Martin's account
got hacked last week, right?
[ATHENA]
I'm the CEO, Paul. I hear everything.
And Martin's one of my closest friends.
So you know how embarrassing
it was for him.
All the extramarital communiqus.
I call it sending his wife's oncologist
pictures of his cock.
I mean,
there are more than just the cock pics.
There were texts and e-mails,
and he said some extraordinarily
critical things about the president.
[ATHENA CHUCKLES]
Oh, well, last I heard,
- free speech still exists.
- Don't do that.
Don't First Amendment me, please.
It's not a country. It's a business.
A business, and there are optics.
[ATHENA] You fired Martin?
No, he realized he had to take one
for the team.
- [ATHENA] The team?
- Yeah, the team.
We have a team, our team.
[ATHENA] What's in the file, Nicole?
[COUGHS]
Just a sec. Um...
Do you recall a text thread you had
with Martin, Peter, Richard and Liberty,
amongst others,
December 17th at ten o'clock
in the morning?
[ATHENA] I don't recall a text thread
I had last fucking Tuesday, Paul.
Go... go ahead, Nicole.
Martin. "Did anyone see
what our ratfucker-in-chief just did?"
Liberty. "Yes. Day equals ruined."
Peter. "Infuriating."
Athena. "At least the hunt's coming up.
Nothing better than going out to The Manor
and slaughtering a dozen deplorables."
Miranda. "We promised not to talk
about The Manor on text."
Ted. "Viva El Manor."
Liberty. "Deleting this thread."
[ATHENA] Oh, I get it.
[PAUL] Are you aware there's an active
group of people out there
who believe this is a real thing?
[ATHENA] Believe what's a real thing?
That you're hunting human beings
for sport.
[LAUGHING]
[PAUL] Yeah, not funny.
[LAUGHS]
Yeah?
Wh... wh... what?
[PAUL]
Yeah, conspiracy websites are all over it.
They're going bananas.
They're going berserk.
Reddit. I mean, I don't know
the names of them all.
But, anyway, somebody pulled
a property-tax record
for the manor that you bought in Vermont.
"Manor"? No, I don't own
a fucking manor in Vermont.
It's a three-bedroom house.
[PAUL]
Jesus, I can't believe you used that word.
"Manor"?
- No.
- "Deplorables."
It's... charged.
Well, I initially typed
"fucking rednecks,"
but then I decided that wasn't specific...
- Hey, come on.
- What?
What would you prefer I call them, Paul?
- "Gun-clutching homophobes"?
- [PAUL] Hey, hey, stop, please.
- "Academically challenged racists"?
- Hey, hey.
[ATHENA]
What about "tooth-deprived bigots"?
We have our best team
at reputation management
flooding... flooding the search engines
in the hopes this thing
doesn't go mainstream.
But even if by some miracle it doesn't...
and I really don't see that happening...
Martin did what he had to.
Richard did what he had to.
He's out at BlueWest.
Julius and Miranda
had to step down from their foundation.
Liberty exited her fund.
I'm sorry.
You got to go.
Paul...
it was just a joke.
One joke.
- [PAUL] Wasn't funny.
- It wasn't real.
I mean, I wish this didn't happen.
I really do, but this...
idea is out there,
and these people believe it,
and they're not going away.
What people?
[PAUL] Sorry?
What people believe
I'm hunting human beings at my manor?
What fucking people?
Okay, this is gary4USA.
He's got a podcast
called The Confederate Files.
He's a P score 8.5.
What does that "P" stand for again?
"Piece of shit." I vote in.
- [ALL] In.
- Yeah, in.
In? Another in. Okay.
- [MIRANDA] Oh.
- [JULIUS] Oh, gross.
BigGameShane.
Trigger warning. I'm sorry.
I think the pic speaks for itself.
- In.
- He's an 8.8.
In.
Guys, we can't include everybody, okay?
Thousands of people posted
about Manorgate, so...
Christ. It's a "gate" now?
Well, they ruined water and pizza.
Why not manors?
Listen, I want to slaughter all of them
just like everybody else here, okay,
but our military consultant
says we got to cap it out at 12.
- Why?
- It's our first time.
Safety reasons, okay?
Heavens. God forbid somebody gets hurt.
Is that a kimono?
That's appropriation, Richard.
Hey, where are Liberty and Ted?
- [JULIUS] In therapy.
- Jesus. Again?
They lost everything, Richard.
They lost their jobs
and their reputations.
[RICHARD] So did I, Miranda.
But I'm dealing with it with, you know,
drugs and alcohol, like a normal person.
Excuse me, did anyone else here
get reassigned to Croatia?
- No? No? Because I did.
- That was a blessing in disguise.
We're gonna build that gas station
for pennies.
- There's no extradition...
- Next slide.
- [ALL] Whoa!
- Jesus, Oliver, I don't think...
Listen. Listen, listen. If we don't have
at least one person of color in this,
- it is going to be problematic.
- Um, I'm playing an Arab refugee.
I'm from Connecticut.
Isn't that a little problematic?
[JULIUS] That was your idea.
It was your idea.
It was weird when you said it.
Because we need to lean in
to the stereotype...
- Correct.
- ...to let them just expose their biases.
Yeah, or we can just shoot 'em
as soon as they grab their guns.
Then they're not gonna know
why we're killing them, okay?
- Next slide.
- [SIGHS]
Okay. Justice4Yall. She's a 6.5.
This is what she says...
"Fuck this bitch.
Athena Stone murders
innocent men and women..."
I don't need to hear more.
That's our Snowball.
[ATHENA ON RADIO]
Put your gun in the mailbox.
Why the fuck would I do that?
There's a shaped C-4 charge
underneath the gate.
I could blow you up right now.
But where's the fun in that?
No guns.
Put it in the mailbox. Now.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[DOG WHIMPERS]
[EXHALES]
[ATHENA] It's amazing to me.
People go their entire lives
without realizing
the most simple, obvious truth.
The only way to properly slice tomatoes
is with a bread knife.
Did you kill Don?
Uh-huh.
Because I convinced you he was one of us.
Was he?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
Who am I?
Huh? Who... am... I?
Lady, I don't know who you are.
I just know that you're crazy.
I am crazy.
But I know I'm crazy.
And if you know you're crazy,
then you're not crazy.
So that just makes me really, really mad.
Okay.
So, who am I?
Crystal May Creasey.
Born in Mississippi, Whites Crossing.
Fitting.
Dropped out of school at 12,
right around the time
your daddy was killed by the police
when they raided the methamphetamine lab.
Your mother joined him
soon after that. Overdose.
Probably the last batch of Daddy's stuff.
Romantic.
You know, most people think that you
should use cheddar in a grilled cheese.
But I use Gruyre.
Nothing else has that kind of melt.
After your mom died,
you bounced from part-time job
to part-time job, to welfare and back.
More times than I could count, honestly.
The only consistency
was your inability to stay employed.
[CHUCKLES]
Which is fine.
I mean, this country belongs
to the uneducated and ignorant
as much as it belongs to me.
You fail, we pay.
Eventually, a cow falls on your head
or you blow your brains out
in a parking lot
because you finally realize
what a waste your life truly was.
But not you, Crystal.
You decided to go on the Internet
and run your stupid mouth.
Thirteen months ago,
you posted this on a message board
under the screen name Justice4Yall.
I want to make sure I...
I get it exactly right.
Fuck this bitch.
Athena Stone murders innocent men
and women for sport.
The evidence is all there.
T-H-E-I-R.
Her manor, her travel records.
Oh, and in case you were still
on the fence,
she fucking admitted to it
in a text message.
"Admitted" was all caps.
- Huh.
- Huh?
That's all you have to say for yourself?
Everybody you kidnapped and killed,
that's 'cause they busted you
and your friends
and put it on the Internet?
No one busted us. We were joking.
But you ignorami took it literally.
You actually believed
we were hunting human beings for sport.
But you are.
- What?
- Hunting human beings for sport.
- No.
- Oh, yeah.
It wasn't true.
[STAMMERS]
- This is your manor, isn't it?
- It's not a fucking manor.
It's a house I rented in Croatia
and had decorated.
Okay, right, but it's yours,
and you're hunting people, so it's...
I mean, it's true.
Now. Now it's true
because you made it true.
You people, you take anything you want,
and you twist it around
until it fits into your
backwards fucking worldview.
You wanted it to be true,
so you decided it was.
This was your idea.
Well...
not my idea.
Ooh, I did not want to mess up
your big grilled-cheese speech, but...
oh, you done fucked up, lady.
See, you got the wrong Crystal.
There's another Crystal May Creasey
back home.
But she spells "May" with an "E."
Hey, I get her mail sometimes.
And my dad's an asshole,
but I don't think he ever did drugs.
And my mom...
she's alive, too.
Can we call her? Let's call her right now.
- No. No way.
- Give me the phone.
- I'll call her up.
- Do I look fucking stupid?
Fine. I'll give you her number,
and you can call.
- That's not gonna happen.
- Yeah.
Oh, you don't really care about the truth,
do you?
Of course I do.
The only difference is I'm right.
Hey, maybe.
Maybe not.
Now, do I have to keep listening
to Beethoven,
or can we fucking get on with it?
[CLASSICAL MUSIC]
[GRUNTING]
That was good.
[CONTINUE GRUNTING]
Mm.
- [CRASHING]
- [MUSIC STOPS]
[ATHENA] No!
[LAUGHS]
Hey, Crystal.
- [GUNSHOT]
- [CRYSTAL] Fuck!
You need a gun now, bitch?
That's fucking cheating!
Fuck you!
[GROANING]
- One second.
- Yeah.
No more glass!
[SHOUTS]
[SHOUTS]
I got you.
[GROANS]
Ah.
Okay.
Hey.
I got you, too.
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Why did you call me Snowball?
It's a reference.
To George Orwell's Animal Farm.
He's a pig.
Yeah, but why am I Snowball?
Snowball is an idealist.
He... he wants to make
the world a better place.
That's why the other pigs
make up lies about him,
turn him into the enemy.
I think you should be Snowball.
You read Animal Farm?
Yes, ma'am, I did.
Can I...
ask you a question?
Are you Justice4Yall?
I mean, come on.
We're both dead.
Just tell me.
I got the right Crystal, didn't I?
No, ma'am, you did not.
Whoops.
["GIRLS IT AIN'T EASY"
BY HONEY CONE PLAYS]
It ain't easy, girls, it ain't easy
To keep the man you love satisfied
It ain't easy, girls, it ain't easy
To keep the one you love by your side
A woman's work is never done
Even if it stops, it goes on and on
- [MUFFLED SCREAM]
- We work our fingers to the bone
Gotta be home every time he'd phone
Sometimes the goin'
Gets a little tough
It's seems our best ain't good enough
Keeps you losin' sleep
Seven days a week, yeah
It ain't easy, girls, it ain't easy
To keep the one you love by your side
Do all you can
And though he seems ungrateful
- [CRYSTAL] Hey there.
- Oh, shit.
The, uh...
assholes you work for tried to kill me,
so I killed them instead.
Now I want to go home.
That gonna be a problem?
- Certainly not, ma'am.
- No.
May I... may I pour that for you?
Yeah.
[AIRCRAFT DOOR CLOSING]
- [BOTTLE UNCORKS]
- How about a snack?
- We have fantastic caviar. It's osetra...
- Yeah.
You got it.
You ever had caviar?
No, I don't... I don't think
I'm really allowed to.
Well, you are now. Have a seat.
- Dig in.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
How... how is it?
It's fucking great.