The Last Day of Retrograde (2022) Movie Script
1
[Fetsy groaning]
[ambient music playing]
[alarm beeping]
[sighs]
[sighs softly]
[chuckles]
[sighs]
Hey, hi, good morning.
I don't mean to be that bitch,
but I have to ask you to leave.
-[inhales] Five more minutes.
-No, sorry.
I really don't want you
to meet my dad.
[grunts] Fine.
I'll get up.
Hey.
You're pretty sexy.
[Fetsy chuckles]
So if my dad's in the kitchen,
he'll want to talk to you.
I have a boyfriend,
so be chill.
I haven't told anyone
I'm drifting away.
So predictable.
Yeah, yeah. But you hear me?
Loud and clear.
Esmeralda!
Top of the morning to ya.
-[Brie] Esmeralda?
-Just play along.
Daddy! Here I am.
Waking up for my busy, busy day.
Well, come on over here.
You know
how I need hugs in the morning.
[Michael grunts]
My beautiful little angel.
-Did you sleep well?
-I slept fine.
My friend Brie
from high school slept over.
Good morning, Mr. Pugliese.
Brie Swanson.
The Brie Swanson
who won silver at nationals
for her project on ants?
Yep, that's me.
Well, how are you, kiddo?
Doing well.
Good for you.
[groans]
I have to go to a meeting
with Johnson, Murray, and Smith.
Big time suck.
But hey, Daddy made us
$2,000 this morning!
Woohoo!
[Michel grunts] Being
a stockbroker is so annoying.
I get up at five in the morning,
talk to these jokers
on the east coast,
then I teach students.
Brutal work.
I am late to
a meeting with the provost,
so I'm just going to take
one of these.
-Calm my nerves.
-Have fun, Dad.
I know you can make another 2K.
Oh, thanks, Esmeralda.
How sweet.
Mm.
Okay, all right,
I am late to my meeting.
-Good seeing you, Brie.
-Likewise, Mr. Pugliese.
[sighs] Thanks.
[ambient music playing]
Oh, my God.
I love songbirds.
[door shuts closed]
Morning, Finn.
Can I drop you off somewhere?
You live near Skylar?
Skylar?
Like, high school Skylar?
Exactly.
[knocking on window]
[ambient music continues]
[upbeat music playing]
[engine rumbling]
-Mind if I have a cigarette?
-Sure, go for it.
Skylar and I go back
to elementary school days.
Did you know
he wanted to be a gymnast?
An Olympic gymnast.
I know all about Skylar's
almost career as a gymnast,
track and field star,
boxer even.
Boxers are super sick.
You and Skylar seem to think so.
So Skylar's the boyfriend,
I take it.
Bingo.
[train horn honking]
[Brie groans]
I hate living in Alma.
The train is always so loud.
Every day it's just--
[mimics train horn]
-[train horn honking]
-[mimics train horn]
I'll see you again tonight?
Sure, why not?
You ever wake up
and it's almost like
you don't know
who you're going to meet?
As if every day is a surprise
about how you'll present
to the world?
Of course, baby.
[ambient music playing]
[upbeat music playing]
[engine rumbling]
[Skylar] Why are we stopping?
[Fetsy]
I need to have a cigarette.
[Skylar] Oh.
[road din]
[birds chirping]
Bad morning, sweetheart?
Yeah.
Dad was being a pill
and I didn't sleep much.
I had that nightmare again.
About Finn and his mom.
This morning felt different
when I saw him.
He was so angry.
I'm sorry.
I slept poorly, too.
All night, tossing and turning.
I woke up at 4:00 and sat
in the bed until sunrise.
-Big day.
-For the both of us.
If anything weird happens today
with Christine Taylor Rose,
just follow my lead.
I have a backup plan
involving Joshie, Katie, and...
Fuck, what's her friend's name?
Ashley?
Augustina?
No, definitely not Augustina.
Definitely not Augustina.
-It's Cassie?
-Right, Cassie.
Uh, they're all at school
so it should be an easy pick up
if it comes to that.
[driving music playing]
-You ready?
-[Skylar] Yeah.
[Fetsy] Let's rock this bitch.
[upbeat music playing]
Okay, okay. I've seen enough.
How do I say this?
Your piece does not have
the je ne sais quoi
that is demanded of
the Taylor Rose gallery.
Wait, were you trying
to depict...
teen suicide?
That's so terrible.
Thank God
you two aren't parents.
Well, at least let's hope not.
Your piece reminds me
of something you did at Paly.
Remember?
The one with the mud,
the masks and the milk?
I like that one.
The black box
did smell like shit after.
Exactly.
Good intentions,
poor execution.
This should be a theater piece.
I see that.
It would have been better live.
Yes.
And the edits were sloppy.
A little haphazard.
As if no one knew
how to edit a video.
My daughter is great at tech.
She's 19 now.
Can you believe it?
She'd be a great editor.
[eccentric music playing]
She's going
to Dartmouth in fall
for electrical engineering.
And she edits film?
A Renaissance lady.
Well, she hasn't really edited
a film yet per se,
but she's very capable.
Very [indistinct].
I want to show you something
I threw
to get through this weekend.
[women vocalizing]
Notice how she moves her head.
It's very important.
You're hurting me.
Oh, you're hurting me!
Oh, oh, you're hurting me!
Bite your tongue.
Bite, bite your tongue.
That's my mom, Ida, by the way.
Oh, there's Johnny
in the back.
[eccentric music playing]
[sighs]
Unexpected, really.
Oh, you're hurting me.
Oh, oh, you're hurting me.
Bite your tongue.
Bite, bite your tongue!
Vocal and physical [indistinct]
wrecked [indistinct].
[all screaming]
You're hurting me.
Oh, you're hurting me.
I'm going to go back in there
for color correction.
[Joan] Ow!
Everything okay, sugar pop?
[Joan] Does it sound
like I'm okay, fat cunt?
What did I tell you
about calling me that word?
Oh, Chrissy!
She is going to call you a cunt
just like I call you Chrissy.
Potato, potato.
When I was your age,
men would call me slut
on the street.
[chuckles] Can you imagine?
Slut.
Not even pussy
or lady of the night.
I get called a slut
on the street all the time.
Everyone gets called
a slut, Mom.
You're not special.
Mom?
I was thinking we can go
to the theater tonight.
There's a great
King Lear out of--
Oh, I don't want to.
Those daughters are terrible.
I want to read Jane Eyre.
You've read that book
so many times.
What is it now, 100?
Actually, it's nine.
Time for my Ativan nap.
[chuckles]
[eccentric music playing]
Water or wine?
Pick your poison.
-Water.
-Water.
[music continues]
[Christin slurping]
Excuse me, Christine.
Is there something in the water?
Oh, I don't think so.
It could be my love.
Did you know that love
has a molecular structure?
If I were to say
"I love you" to ice,
it's chemical foundation
begins to glow
under a microscope.
Fun, right?
You said you wanted to see
a theater piece tonight.
I did.
Well, we'll be performing
a commedia dell'arte-inspired
piece tonight
in my garden in Palo Alto.
Skylar and I co-founded an LLC,
Clowns, Witches, and Snitches,
Commedia dell'Arte by the Bay.
[chuckles]
I adore commedia dell'arte.
I love clowns.
And physical theater.
We'll come.
-All of you?
-Yeah.
We need a family outing.
Well, we'll see you
this evening.
I'll start driving
in the late afternoon.
Be well, my students.
And be careful.
It's gonna be a weird one.
Thank you again
for the opportunity.
[eccentric music playing]
[door clicks closed]
Thank you, sweet pea.
I'll pick you up for the theater
in the afternoon.
[upbeat music playing]
[music fades]
[rock music playing]
-That lady's a fucking psycho.
-Hey, be nice.
She put something in our drinks
and just danced down
the street by herself.
I don't buy
that hippie-free-love bullshit
she spewed about
molecules or whatever.
Well, I feel fine.
[eccentric music playing]
Looks like someone's not
the biggest fan of our salad.
No, I-- I love it. [chuckles]
Couldn't be better.
Are you sure
you don't want another entre?
You seem to be struggling.
[Skylar] I'm fine.
Thanks for asking.
Well, enjoy.
[Skylar] Well, that was weird.
It felt like he...
Fetsy-metsy!
Hey, what's crack-a-lackin'?
I haven't heard from you
since that night
you threw up on my porch.
-What's up?
-Joshie, my man.
I miss you, brother.
Sky guy, my man.
It's been too long.
-How's the body?
-Good.
Great, actually.
I have a six-pack now.
Anyways,
we need your help tonight.
I'm planning just to do
a commedia dell'arte scenario
-for the Taylor Rose Gallery.
-Cool.
That's a-- a good gallery.
It'd be nice
to see Christine, too.
[chuckles] You know her?
In passing.
I'm almost positive
she slipped something
in our drinks.
-[sighs] You okay to drive?
-For now yes.
Personally, Joshie,
I think she's just [indistinct]
and gave us her love.
Joshie,
do you think Katie and...
Fuck, I always forget
her friend's name.
What was it? Astrid? Kathy?
I know who you're talking about.
It's Cassie, by the way.
Uh, hey,
we're doing a show tonight.
I'll write
my number on a napkin.
Text me if you want to come?
Maybe.
It depends on how tired I am.
[Fetsy]
Sky and I'll be there in 30.
Could we pick you,
Katie, and Calliope up then?
Amazing. [laughs]
I'll wrangle them out of class.
And it's, uh, not Calliope,
but you're getting closer.
Excited to see Daddy, too.
-Tretsy-mitsy.
-Ew.
That's just-- Whatever.
[birds chirping]
[sighs]
Katie with a K?
Uh, Katie with a K.
Please report to the, uh,
counselor's office immediately.
-[driving music playing]
-[cheering]
Bravo, you talented little shit!
You deserve
endless standing ovations.
That's my best friend!
My best friend!
She's got more talent
in her pinky finger
than any five people combined!
[both laughing]
I don't know. Are you sure?
I guess I'm nervous.
I've never really
done an audition
without a musical theater
piece before.
Maybe Susie and the Blowhards
is a little too left field
for the casting directors.
You're a star.
Blowhards or musical theater,
any production
would be lucky to have you.
I can't think of anyone
more talented than you.
Thanks.
Katie?
I have to say something.
It's nothing huge.
I've just been thinking--
I'm sorry.
I can't do this right now.
I'm just so busy
with the audition
and, you know, everything...
Justin.
Did you hear my inner calm?
No, she was
probably screaming.
Hey, oh, come on.
Let me guess,
I'm in trouble again?
Nope.
I'm getting you both
out of school today.
Fetsaloonie and Skylord need us.
Oh, I love them!
[sighs] We'll be doing
our old commedia dell'arte
performance from last summer
for a famous lady
named Christine Taylor Rose.
She might hire us
for her gallery
as performance artists.
Fun, right?
What classes
do you still have today?
Spanish, US History,
and Chamber Choir.
Uh, Honors Bio, AP Art History,
and Chamber Choir.
Great. Easy classes.
I'll just tell them
that you're having
another, uh, nervous breakdown.
I'd appreciate it if you didn't.
I'm doing a lot better
and everyone's
already worried about me.
Yeah.
People already think
we're nutcases
because we were forced
to leave for a while.
-Don't fuel the fire.
-Understood.
I'll tell the principal
that I'm taking you both
on a professional
art field trip.
That'll work.
Or you could just say
my mom hurt herself again.
It usually works.
Heads up.
Incoming douche.
Uh...
I gotta go make a few calls.
I'll be over there.
Tootsie-roll!
Finally, I get to see you.
I just had
the worst day at work.
My coworker committed suicide
on my shift.
What was his name?
I might know him.
This dude, Finn.
He was bullying me at Paly.
Fuck up, right?
Sounds like
the bitches got to his head.
Yeah, bitches.
Totally, that's the problem.
[Justin] Are we still on
for tonight, Popsicle?
Can we do another night?
I know you hate when I cancel,
but I have
a performance tonight.
-You should come.
-Oh, my God, seriously? Again?
Babe, I'm sorry.
It was so last minute.
It's just that...
I had a table reserved
for us at Max's.
You know, my fave.
I was gonna sing a song for you.
-How sweet.
-Gross.
It isn't about you.
It's just like,
you're always so busy, baby.
It's like,
"Oh, I have to practice dance.
I need to learn a song
for my audition.
I-- I have to cancel.
I'm scared for my mom."
Excuse me?
-Who are you?
-Oh, hi, Joshie.
This is my boyfriend, Justin.
Justin,
my guidance counselor, Joshie.
-Sick briefcase, dude.
-Thanks, man.
I had it imported from Italy.
Real Italian leather from Parma.
You want a ride, Justin?
I'm not getting
in the car with him.
I don't want to be
with you either,
snot-faced comrade.
Don't worry about it.
[car horn honking]
[Skylar] My man,
[indistinct] Joshienator!
[Joshie] Sky-fly, Sky-fly!
-[both grunting]
-It's been way too long!
You okay, man?
Show us the abs.
Good-looking man.
Hey, you're coming along.
I hate that
I don't have to stop early.
[Skylar]
I mean, easy muscles are a plus.
-I just feel angry all the time.
-Totally.
[indistinct], it's time to go.
Ouch! Watch yourself, dude.
-Did I hear a threat?
-Ignore him!
I'll text you
the time and address, babe,
if you want to come.
Love you.
All right, stony macaroni.
Time to get out
of the driver's seat.
You sure? I can d-- drive.
[Joshie] Like heck, I'm sure.
Get out.
[car beeping]
[door shuts closed]
Fuck!
[upbeat music playing]
So, uh, I don't know
if you guys remember this,
but I used to DJ in college.
-We all know this, Josh.
-[Skylar] I didn't.
Fetsy, I'm getting carsick.
Can we switch?
Oh, my God, suck it up.
Anyways,
I essentially brought the club
to UCSD.
Massive parties,
over 500 people.
I'm breaking up with Justin.
You say that, like, every day.
I'm serious this time.
That was scary.
He punched a tree.
Yeah?
I don't think
I can date men anymore.
They get too angry.
But I'm not scary.
Yeah, I need
some womanly love right now.
I need a different type
of fucked up.
I love the type
of fucked up women are.
Contrast with me nicely,
even though I also like men.
Both of us are bi
or queer or whatever.
High school sweethearts
who went off to college
to, you know, explore.
I took a [indistinct]
and I know for sure
that Fetsy definitely munched.
Stop it, Sky.
They don't need to know this.
-Oh, I want to know it.
-Me too.
It's refreshing to hear
you guys talk about this.
When I was your age,
I didn't even know
what queer was.
It was just gay or straight.
Forget about bi
or non-binary or trans people.
You all are so lucky.
-Joshie, possum!
-[brake squealing]
Girls, wait.
What the fuck, Joshie?
Like, seriously, dude?
You just killed that possum.
I am so sorry.
It's all right.
It won't happen again.
You have my word. Scout's honor.
And this actually
means something
because when I was your age,
I was actually a scout.
I built a bench for
a park in Palo Alto.
How could you become
an Eagle Scout?
[laughs] You got me.
They wouldn't let me be a scout,
but I got all
the badges anyway. [chuckles]
What did your bench look like?
[chuckles] I'll tell you
all about it in the car.
[dramatic music playing]
[heartfelt music playing]
[engine rumbling]
-[Fetsy] God, I hate it here.
-[Joshie] Me too.
-I thought you liked California.
-Not really.
But you never left?
Well, I guess
I woke up one day when I was 30
and realized
there must be a good reason
why I'm still here.
[upbeat music playing]
[Fetsy screaming]
So how do you know
Christine Taylor Rose?
We dated for two years.
-You said you hardly knew her.
-I lied.
-How did it end?
-Poorly, frankly.
It was mainly because of
her family, though.
Which was worse,
mother or daughter?
I take it you met them.
Yeah.
I can see how
they could be shit in-laws.
The daughter
literally punched a wall.
[laughs] Classic Joanie.
Was there a final straw?
It was cumulative.
They just wore me down
until I broke.
Glad you got out of there.
To be honest, though, Fetz,
I need closure.
You're fine
with seeing her tonight?
Totally. I'm a big boy.
[funky music plays]
-Why's she here?
-[Katie] What?
I'll tell you later.
Let's go inside.
[Katie] Okay.
[horn honks]
Feel free to rest.
Naps usually settle my stomach.
Fetsy?
Hey, you.
-Get me some water.
-Sure.
Need anything, big guy?
[distant laughter]
They're having fun.
I'm at the part
where she's getting slut-shamed
by the whole town
and I just, like...
-don't care.
-I hated that book.
You just have to power through.
Sebastian texted back.
-Who?
-Our server from this morning.
-He def likes me.
-Sweet.
You can suck dicks
after the show.
Stop. It's not like that.
One water coming right up.
Joshie, don't fuck my dad again.
I would never dream of ravishing
such a beautiful man...
without his permission,
of course.
Oh, you, stop that.
Joshie, don't fuck my father.
Your father deserves
a much better lady than me.
Stop it,
you're getting me in trouble.
Dad, don't you have
an econ book to read?
Maybe time to pop
the afternoon pills.
Great idea. Pardon me.
I actually don't have anything
else I have to do today.
When Esmeralda told me
you were coming over,
I made sure to be...
available.
[sighs] Dad, seriously, again?
It's Fetsy now.
Fetsy, okay?
Fetsy!
Oh, sweetheart,
you know I didn't mean it.
You just have to be
patient with me.
It-- it's that when I see you,
I see the little baby
I swaddled in my arms.
Don't get hooked on pills,
you'll age faster.
You want to tell yourself that?
And it's--
Y-- you know what?
I don't have time for this.
Please don't leave angry.
You know it kills me.
Please stay.
Well, good news.
You have your own sex doll
waiting and willing.
You can pork your pain away.
I think I'm more
than just a sex doll.
Honestly, screw you two.
Bring this to that girl
in the living room.
-Be useful.
-Sweetheart.
I thought you'd be passed out.
I never was.
I just wanted you to carry me.
I don't mind carrying you.
[Katie sniffles]
What's going on?
It's just one of those days.
I feel like
my relationships mean nothing.
And it's hard
because for some reason,
I feel like I'm getting
in fights, like,
every single day.
Sometimes I wonder if
I'm the only toxic person
in the world.
Like I should be alone.
My boyfriend sucks.
Tell me about it.
And Cassie's been weird all day.
Yes, Cassie.
Everything was fine
this morning.
Then she wanted to talk.
And I just couldn't.
I didn't have it in me.
Sometimes I feel like Cassie
deserves a better friend.
Like, she's so wonderful.
And I'm so not.
I just want to disappear.
I always want to disappear.
To die, in all honesty.
Like, I have Skylar
who's so wonderful.
But I feel as if I'm meant
for something else.
Someone else.
It's like Skylar and I
are standing across some canyon
shouting at each other,
but we can't hear.
We don't understand.
I'm too chickenshit to break up
with Skylar anyways.
I need to be brave
and find some happiness.
Then be brave. Be happy.
It's not as easy as that.
Well, I don't think
it's that hard.
-You think?
-Totally.
In middle school
when I had braces
I forced myself to smile
because the metal kept
cutting me when I frowned.
So, I smiled more
and became happier.
So, my ex before Justin...
committed suicide.
Uh, shit, that's terrible.
Yeah.
We did it our freshman year.
We did all the cutesy things
like dance to "Pon de Replay"
while drinking
his parents' wine.
We even went on dates
at the new movie theater
in Redwood City.
His favorite book
was Suicide by Edouard Lev.
That's an indication.
He even made me do a blood pact.
Kept showing me
his knives and nooses.
I broke up with him
because he was scaring me.
Then two weeks later he jumped
in front of the Caltrain.
Oh, Katie, that's awful.
Yeah. Everyone at school
kept calling me
suicide bitch and suicide siren.
Now my only friend is Cassie
who's in love with me.
[voice breaking]
I don't love her, though.
Sometimes I feel like
I'm a fish in a tank.
Like everyone's staring at me.
Like I have the answers,
but I don't, though.
I don't. [sobs softly]
I'm sorry I'm crying.
I must seem weak.
Not at all.
Cry whenever you can.
Crying's okay.
It should be celebrated
as a form of exercise
like jogging or tennis.
But it's beyond that.
All I do is cry.
Sometimes I lie to my parents
and say I'm studying
but I weep for hours.
I just want it to stop.
Sometimes I cry
because I can't stop.
Frankly, I fantasize about
violently murdering
some male stranger.
He'd probably be
an abuser anyway.
True.
But you'd have to live
with the murder.
You know,
I don't think I'm a murderer,
and I shouldn't say
these things.
It happened again today.
What happened again?
This guy Finn committed suicide.
He was a [indistinct],
I think.
Some of my friends knew him,
but I guess that's
the world these days.
Finn? Like Finn Applegate?
I don't know his last name.
You know the news
never reports these things.
Katie.
He was my neighbor.
Oh, my God.
Fetsy, there's someone
for you at the door.
Thanks, I'll get it.
[sobbing] No. Finn, no.
Finn, no.
[Katie]
Fetsy, are you all right?
I'm fine, Katie.
[sobs and screams]
Finn!
I wanted to tell you-- Hey!
There's-- there's
surrender here in death.
Listen, everything
becomes much clearer.
-Time, the universe, it...
-[Fetsy panting]
...it all makes sense.
Oh, my God, Fetz, wake up.
-Hey.
-Wake up!
There's nothing to wake up from.
I am 100% real.
A-- and I have something
I want to say.
No. You're dead.
You're dead. [sobbing]
Simplemindedness of the living.
I-- I could have
helped you, Finn.
-I could have been there.
-It's too late.
It's too late, Fetsy.
It's not my fault.
It's not my fault.
-[Fetsy screams]
-Fetsy, what's going on?
Nothing, Katie. It's nothing.
That chick's still
waiting for you.
Uh, thanks, Ella.
No! Destiny.
Need me to spell it out for you?
Cassie. C-A-S-S-I-E.
-Cassie.
-[Fetsy groans]
Darling,
I have something to say.
Can it wait?
There's someone at the door.
It'll be quick. I promise.
Yes?
[Michael exhales sharply]
Joshie and I talked it over.
And, uh...
we will not have sex again.
Excellent news. Bravo!
I'm so proud of you both.
A plus.
Fetsarooney, be kind.
Fine.
I appreciate the sentiment.
Thank you.
Last night was fun.
Yeah.
What are you doing here?
You said you wanted
to see me again.
I said that?
[chuckles] Wow.
I say the craziest things.
[scoffs]
What's that supposed to mean?
Oh, it's not about you.
I'm turbulent.
I say things I don't mean
and forget about them.
It hurts the people I love.
Not that I love you.
Yet.
I'm happy you're here, though.
It's just been a long day.
Can I tell you about it?
It's a bit bleak.
Go for it. I get bleak.
So, my neighbor, Finn,
killed himself today.
Shit.
Yeah.
I just found out from Katie,
this teen I work with.
I don't know.
I guess I'm still processing.
I used to be around him
all the time as his babysitter.
He had a single mom
who's an alcoholic.
She was constantly
screaming at him.
Kicking him out of the house.
Told him never to come back.
He came over to mine a lot.
He'd cry and yell
and I'd try to comfort him.
Then suddenly
he'd stop and go home.
I hate his mom, and now...
it makes me think...
maybe if he had
a better parent or...
someone else.
Someone special.
But that's useless.
He's gone now.
Just...
gone.
Shit, dude. That's...
that's crazy.
That's all you have to say?
I guess.
It's pretty intense.
I don't really know
how to respond.
It's all right.
I didn't mean to get so intense.
No, no. It's o-- Hey.
Really.
I'm just glad
you felt comfortable with me.
It's the first time
you really opened up.
I'm glad we met
in the club that night.
Me too.
Wilson Street is nuts.
Usually I just see
gay guys freaking
but that night
we freaked all night long.
So do you hook up a lot, then?
You're pretty good at it.
I do.
My wheelhouse,
hilariously though,
is questioning girls...
or virgins.
For some reason people
just trust me to be their first.
Not like
I'm complaining or anything.
Everybody gets
a flashcard with statistics.
Eye color, hair color...
piercings, innie, outie,
where we fucked.
You know, stats.
Do I have a flash card?
Absolutely.
So that's how you see me,
as some flash card?
No, that's-- that's--
that's not what I meant.
Look, I wouldn't be here
if you weren't special.
I think about you
when I'm with someone else.
I literally imagine
I'm fucking you.
You got me hooked, Fetz.
Don't lie to me.
I'm not.
I promise.
Burn my flashcard,
you disgusting pervert.
Since you're here,
I have a favor to ask.
What is it?
Could you be in my show tonight?
Is it easy?
Yeah. I'll teach you everything.
You just need to exaggerate
your movements.
I am good at memorizing.
[sighs] In college,
I actually played
the titular Drowsy Chaperone.
Impressive.
Not as impressive as you.
I need to plan. Come in.
Yes, ma'am.
With commedia,
it's all about extremes.
You know, you-- little face.
Now big face.
Go on, big.
-Bigger.
-Ah.
And really think about
that lower lip.
For Columbina. She's very sexy.
Yeah. Think about the pout.
Maybe get your tongue out.
Hey, Fetsy.
Hope I'm not interrupting.
There's just, you know,
I can't really figure out
something with the wig.
Could you come
take a look, please?
I taught you, like,
three times how to put a wig on.
Come on, we have a show to do.
-Can you hop down, please?
-Fine.
Slinky.
Great pout, by the way.
You're doing great.
So just remember,
with Columbina,
you always want to be
grounded through your hips.
-Yeah.
-Like that?
-Yes.
-Okay, can-- can we get started?
We're running out of time, okay?
-On the beat?
-Yeah.
On the beat? Okay.
Okay, okay. That's enough.
All right.
I think-- I think we got it.
I think we got it.
You're doing great, by the way.
Good job.
Thank you.
I wonder who's going to show up.
Christine better come.
She's the only reason
we're doing this,
so frankly, I'd be pissed.
You need to trust people more.
You're always pissed
or disinterested.
Not everyone
is out to get you, Fetz.
So what I'm hearing is that
I should blindly trust
the lady who drugged us.
Well, intention is key,
and she loves us.
We were her favorite students.
I take it you've never been
drugged before?
No. How is that important?
Justin's here.
What's up, homos?
-Is my girlfriend here?
-Hey, Justin.
-Is my ragamuffin inside?
-Yep.
Sweet, well, see you
cocksuckers later. [laughs]
[motorcycle engine revving]
Hey. What's up?
[Fetsy] Hi, Sebastian.
Thanks for coming, man.
It means a lot.
I was actually in the area.
I was grabbing
an early dinner with this chick
and it ended up turning into
more of an afternoon snack,
if you know what I mean.
And it was like...
bam, bam, bam!
Nothing like good pussy.
You feel me?
Absolutely.
Don't you agree?
-Thanks for coming.
-No worries.
Uh, I love to see
a pretty boy in action.
I mean, I can do
a lot more than act.
I've been throat training
with my vocal coach.
[laughs] Hot.
I've trained many a throat.
I'm sure you're a great teacher.
I've got
nothing but compliments.
[gagging]
[Fetsy clears throat]
Please find your seat
in the garden.
Sounds good.
Way to be such a slut
in front of me.
Excuse me?
Say that again. I dare you.
Way to be
such a slut in front of me.
You are the one that is always
such a slut in front of me.
Excuse me? I am not.
Why is Brie Swanson here?
Huh?
I am many things, Fetsy,
but stupid is not one of them.
I have feelings for Brie.
What did you say?
Hey, hotties.
Can't talk now.
Your girlfriend's here.
Fetsy, are you kidding me?
It is so good to see you two,
and twice in one day.
Geez, I am parched.
[sighs] Much better.
Fetsy, Skylar,
this is my mother, Ida...
and my daughter, Joan.
Is your special water in there?
Definitely in mine.
I don't know about these two.
Do I look like I want to die?
Her water would kill me.
I always drink the water,
every day,
at least in the morning.
Sometimes, I drink
after [indistinct]
to do my homework.
I can't sleep,
but I get a lot done.
Honey, I didn't know
you drank so much.
[Joan] It's not like our fridge
has anything else in it.
-I agree with the gremlin.
-[Joan screams]
A stocked and orderly fridge
is the sign of
a successful home.
I am so tired
of eating chicken pad Thai
and salmon with asparagus.
We should get a live-in maid
when this one goes to college.
You two behave.
Can we please find our seats?
-I want a chair.
-We'll get you a chair.
I am done with
my ground-sitting days.
I demand comfort.
Of course you do.
Right this way, ma'am.
Fetsy, get back here.
We're not finished yet.
[Fetsy]
There's nothing more to say.
You just told me
you were in love with Brie.
I'm not in love with her.
Are you still even
in love with me?
Of course.
-Sure.
-Come on.
You literally just eye-fucked
our waiter in front of me.
He was flirting and I was
feeding off his vibes.
He's like a third of
our audience.
Grow up, Fetsy.
There are people that exist
in the world beside you.
-You think I don't know that?
-It feels like you don't.
-Uh, how would you know?
-Just deal with it for once.
Uh, Sky, wait. Come back.
Let's talk this out.
We're not
in high school anymore.
I am done being your toy.
You were never my toy.
-How could--
-[Skylar] Stop!
We have a show to do.
Skylar, please.
Let's talk like adults.
I guess that's it.
I'm too childish for you.
I'm done.
We need to get into costume.
-[Fetsy] But--
-For once, listen to me.
Leave me alone.
I was trying to help you.
You're just a kid.
You know,
things were going to get better.
I almost did that
in high school too,
but you know...
things do get better.
You didn't have to
fucking do that.
I'm so fucked.
I bet your fucking mom
doesn't even know yet.
She's just getting
fucking wasted again.
She won't even notice.
Oh, God.
I-- I don't know
what you want me to say,
but I just-- I...
I gotta get my shit together
tonight, you know?
I-- I don't have
fucking time for this.
[ethereal electronic
music plays]
Presenting Mikey's Mix.
Blue curaao, lemonade,
gin, St. Germain...
and Grenadine.
Help yourselves.
[exclaims and grunts]
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and squirrels,
and everybody in between.
[cackles]
Not only do we have
a spectacular show
for you tonight,
but tonight is incredible
all on its own.
It's the last night
of retrograde.
The last night
to change your life
into anything at all.
If you don't,
you'll doom yourself
to repeat the same mistakes
for another third of
the calendar year.
And, uh, with the cosmos
out of the way,
we present to you
our humble display
of commedia dell'arte.
[cackles]
I have quite the scheme tonight.
Tonight, I have brewed
a magical love potion
into Flavio's...
wedding cake.
Once consumed,
he will fall for me. [cackles]
Goodbye, Isabella.
Hello, Flavio's fortune...
all for me. [cackles]
[Il Capitano sobbing]
Quite an unhappy day.
Capitano could use a drink.
My friend, my man, brave sir,
you look forlorn.
Come, come, have a drink.
For some [indistinct],
I'll hear what's on your mind.
Ah, Brighella, my wise friend.
Good idea.
Great idea.
You would think that I,
Il Capitano,
would be joyful,
for I have traveled across
the planet.
From Bakersfield to Irvine
across deserts full of
the deadliest Joshua trees
where I beat the devil
at his own game...
-[Joan sighs]
-[Il Capitano cackles]
...where I swam across
the vast Monterey ocean
making love to millions
of mermaids... [cackles]
...and satisfying them too.
You would think
I would be happy, but no,
my love, Columbina,
is very arlecchino.
It is also Flavio's wedding day.
It pains me to say
I have lusted after Flavio
ever since I saw his man purse.
Oh, and there they are.
Oh, oh, oh, I am slain.
I would give my gold mine
just to have... [growls]
...Columbina. [grunts]
[Brighella]
This cake here is infused
with a magical love potion.
Make sure you are
the first person Columbina sees.
She is sure
to fall in love with you.
Uh...
[indistinct]
I just need you...
to sign here...
-here...
-[Il Capitano grunts]
-...and here.
-[Il Capitano exclaims]
I see Brighella has
a devilish plot
to ruin my lady
Isabella's wedding day.
He must be
after Flavio's fortune.
He even went as far
as to attempt to drug me
into falling in love
with that idiotic Capitano.
[gags]
I know just what to do.
Arlecchino, wake up.
You like cake?
I love cake.
Well, there's cake.
Cake? Where?
Ah, I have
this delicious cake ready
for Flavio.
Ah, my good sir,
my deepest blessings
on your upcoming nuptials.
As promised,
a sample of your wedding cake.
It will go down
your throat with delight.
Yes, my scheme to secure
his southern territories
is in sight.
[Brighella cackling]
Oh, Brighella, this is so tasty.
Oh, Columbina,
I love you like cream pie...
summer squash...
beef stew...
and toast with honey and cake.
Well, I would...
fight the fiercest foe,
face countless battles
for you. [cackles]
Just look at
this magnificent sword.
How can the Arlecchino
compare with this?
[cackles]
Ah, a token of the many riches
that await you.
Mm. Cake from my love.
Oh, Brighella, oh, I love you.
Your green skin reminds me
of a succulent avocado.
[Brighella panting]
Oh, Capitano...
what a sword.
[Il Capitano] Ugh, ugh.
[Il Capitano cackles]
[Columbina shudders]
[gasps] Hm.
[Brighella panting]
[Arlecchino moaning]
[Il Capitano grunts and growls]
[Columbina groans]
[Arlecchino moaning]
Flavio...
please.
This is the last possible taste
to ensure
this wedding goes as I planned.
My love, cake!
You sure know
the way to my heart.
No, no, not for you!
[vocalizing]
This should get him off my tail
and straighten out this plot.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
[Il Capitano]
Oh, call me daft, call me gay,
but Brighella smells so dashing.
Brighella,
did I tell you about my fight
in Silicon Valley
on the 72nd night?
You told me already.
Ah, well, did I tell you
how they groveled,
how they surrendered,
how they forfeited their stocks
and bonds and land,
but best of all, their hats?
Marry me and all of this...
will be yours.
Stocks, bonds, lands?
Well.
What are we waiting for?
Let's have a wedding.
[both laughs]
A toast to you,
my beguiling wife.
No more will I have
no sin or strife,
for I have loved you,
oh, so plain
as if God himself
had us ordained.
To you, my love, my man so bold,
our future fortune we'll behold,
and to our chambers we will go,
and then I'll show you
my books on pro.
So, got cake?
[scattered applause]
Bravo, you two, bravo!
Bravo! You're hired on the spot.
Everyone one of you.
But for now, let's celebrate.
[applause]
[ominous music building]
Darling, what's wrong?
It's nothing.
Dad, you took a lot of pills.
Fetsy, relax.
Let's get stupid.
I'm so happy for you.
I'm floored.
That was one of the top
five live performances
I've ever seen,
and I used to go
to every show in Palo Alto.
You called me Fetsy.
That's your name.
Thank you, Dad.
I love you, Fetsy.
Sometimes, too much.
Okay, Daddy's gonna go to bed.
Hershman and McGuire want to
talk to me from New York City,
so I gotta get up
at the crack of dawn.
Feel free to help yourself
to anything from my stash.
Sleep well, Dad. Love you.
Who wants to get me a drink?
I do!
Joshua.
Hi, Chrissy.
Joshua.
Let's party.
Woo-hoo!
Oh, honey,
thank you so much for coming.
And as promised,
I'm gonna buy you
that new gaming system.
Whatever. I want to go home.
Soon, okay?
[Joshie]
Uh, Joanie Baloney!
It's been a while.
How's the robot coming along?
Go away.
All righty, then.
You doing okay, kiddo?
You seem a little bit
more pale than usual.
I said leave, you smelly pig.
[imitates pig snorting]
Still as hurtful as ever.
Mrs. Rose,
you look as enlivening as ever.
Like a morning dew drop
on a freshly cut--
Enough!
Move on.
Come on, Ida.
Remember Joshua Tree?
I camped at the Joshua Trees
with my family.
I don't remember
you being there.
But if you were,
I would rather have run off
into the desert and died.
No wonder I left that family.
Hey! [Joshie chuckles]
What's shakin', my bacons?
Excuse me?
So, how's everyone feeling post?
Like the sky opened up
and you're a god?
I feel that. I love to perform.
-I personally don't.
-No one asked you.
Excuse me!
Coming!
She wants to talk to you.
I'll be right there.
Hey, Fetz, can we borrow
some swimsuits for the hot tub?
Go for it. Second from
the top, left drawers.
[Katie] Thanks.
[Skylar]
Hey, Fetsy.
Sebastian and I are heading out.
-Where are you going?
-This bar.
Yeah, everything is like
tech bro and bitty vibes, but...
-gentrification.
-Let's go.
Skylar, wait up.
Fetsy, this is it.
I'm gonna get closure.
Joshie, she's been waiting.
Go to her. Be brave.
[sighs] You're right.
Be brave.
Thank you.
[approaching footsteps]
I have a helmet
for you, handsome.
Thanks.
Mind if he's here?
I don't care. He's a stranger.
So, you know
how I like like Katie?
Is she still being difficult?
I found the courage today
to tell her how I feel.
But she interrupted me
and shut it down.
Said she wasn't ready
to talk about it.
How'd you land Fetsy?
You can't compare
relationships like that.
Every relationship is its
own special brand of hell.
Also, she actually landed me.
Atta boy.
Trust your gut, Cass.
That's all you can do
and hope that the other person
feels the same.
I think it's sweet
that you like your biffle.
It's like Romeo and Juliet,
except you're both Juliet and...
hopefully no one dies.
[chuckles]
Yeah, sure. Let's go with that.
Thanks, Sky.
Try again.
No time like the present.
As Joshie said,
tonight is the night.
Anything can happen.
You have good instincts, Cass.
Trust yourself.
See you later.
[engine revving]
[Chrissy]
You didn't text me.
-[Joshie] So?
-It's common courtesy
to text your ex if you know
they're going to be
at the same function.
It feels inconsiderate,
as if you planned
to sabotage me.
I wouldn't sabotage.
-Sure, you wouldn't.
-There it is.
That tone. It drives me crazy.
I don't have a tone.
Yeah, you do.
"Joshua, you fool,
that's my wine."
"Joshie, Joan says
you're being too loud
and Ida has a migraine.
Could you shut up?"
"Sorry, there was acid
in that water.
My bad."
I never drugged you on purpose.
My daughter,
the child you abandoned
after you told me
time and time again
you would handle her,
has been drugging me.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Letting your own daughter
put acid in people's drinks?
Have you a spine,
a conscience, anything at all?
You left me, okay?
You left us.
So, you have no right,
no right to come in here
unannounced and lecture me
about my daughter
or anything about my life.
You rarely did anything
in the house but take up space.
I resent that.
How many times did I take Joan
to robotic meets
because you were too wasted?
Or when Ida needed
to go to the hospital
to get her hernia repaired?
I sat with her all night.
And where was her daughter?
Out getting wasted
with her rich friends
-doing God knows what.
-That's unfair.
You have no idea what it's like
to be a working single mom
with a bitch of a mother
and a daughter
who used to kill
squirrels for fun.
You gave me
the freedom to be myself.
And then,
one morning, you leave.
I am livid, Joshua.
Livid!
Chrissy.
I had to leave.
Your family
treated me like shit.
I kept thinking about
what we had today.
I moved on, Joshie.
I moved on a long while ago.
Seeing you depresses me.
I thought about our trip
to Carmel today all day.
You, sun-kissed,
in that ridiculous sun hat.
Kissing my nose.
That used to be my happy place.
And now, it's just sad.
I need closure.
I want us to move on.
I have moved on.
I've done that.
I don't need to have
this conversation.
I hate you, Joshie.
You've ruined my life
and I am furious.
Don't focus
on these emotions, Chrissy.
First rule of life,
remember the good.
It's time for us
to move on, Chrissy.
Fuck you, Joshua.
I have moved on
and I can be angry.
I can be whatever I want.
I deserve to be whatever I want.
[tense music playing]
[music fades]
I feel really bad
about our fight earlier.
-Whose fight?
-Skylar.
I mean,
you saw how he was being.
He just left.
He didn't say congrats.
He didn't say we did it.
-What?
-Nothing?
-Nothing?
-No, he just left
with the stupid waiter.
Oh, so lame.
I know, I mean-- [scoffs]
Men are so emotional.
[techno music playing]
It's ridiculous.
Well, at least
he's in good company.
Gentrification.
-[Brie chuckles]
-Just-- God.
They're having a great time
for a $30 cocktail.
Yeah, really.
[both chuckling]
-You know what I mean.
-Yeah.
But now, you can relax.
I'm so proud of you.
Justin, stop!
[giggling]
[Cassie]
Can I sit down?
[Katie giggling]
[Katie laughing]
I think that was--
I think that was
more just for fun.
[laughing]
No, don't grab my leg.
Don't grab my-- [giggling]
I don't know you.
But I know
how to spot a normal person.
-See that girl over there?
-Hm.
She's my best friend.
But we don't feel close now.
I feel lonely,
like, all the time.
When I'm with her
and when I'm not.
I have a hard home life.
I feel as if Katie
is the only person who gets me.
[Katie giggling]
No! [laughs]
I'm sorry,
I'm talking too much,
but I want you to know
that I'm here for you.
Whatever you need.
Try not to get freaked out.
Try me.
I've seen a lot.
So...
I lost my virginity to her.
-Why is Joan pointing at you?
-What?
She looks really pissed...
Yeah, um, it's fine.
-Just don't give it attention.
-Yeah.
And she never texted me back.
Even after I told her
she was my first.
And that I didn't want my first
to be a one-night stand.
She broke my heart.
She seemed
really happy with it.
Yeah, thank God.
In my car, I have a knife...
that I like to hold
for comfort and pleasure.
It makes me feel in control.
Like, if I need
to defend myself, I could.
And...
if I wanted to end this,
I could.
Thanks.
I need to be alone now.
I need my own solace.
Joshie, I don't know
what just happened.
You were with Joan, right?
Yeah.
She said something about
how she fantasizes
about killing herself,
and maybe others.
It was directed at her.
Oh, wow.
You don't seem concerned.
Joan has always been
a little odd.
Yeah, but this felt beyond that.
She was numb.
Joshie,
she said she had a knife.
-A knife?
-Yeah.
Is she dangerous?
She could be.
[tires screeching]
Driving around in circles.
She almost ran me over
a couple of times.
Huh?
Yeah.
Whale noises?
Interesting.
Okay, I'll keep you updated.
Okay, bye.
I'm sorry about my daughter.
This is so embarrassing.
Knowing her,
she'll do something.
You know my daughter.
-Long story.
-She's got a knife.
Oh, God.
I have my car location
on my phone.
-We can follow that.
-I'll get my keys.
Is she dangerous?
Only to people
who screw her over.
[ominous music playing]
What the hell is happening?
Joan ran off.
She has a knife.
She could use it.
[Justin] What the hell.
There's enough people here.
-We're helping Joan.
-[Justin groans]
-Who's the most sober?
-I am.
-Mom?
-I'm here to save the day.
Like always.
Looks like she stopped
at this elementary school.
-Where?
-Left here, Mom.
You're going to fail her
like you failed me.
I'm not listening.
All I wanted was someone.
I was alone
and no one was there.
-Not even you.
-Go away.
-What?
-It's-- it's nothing.
I just wanted someone to see me.
[music fades]
Where do you think she went?
Let's split up.
We'll cover more ground.
Have time for me yet?
Leave me alone.
I know you're not real.
That's--
You almost offend me.
We were besties.
We weren't.
I was your babysitter.
But those summer afternoons
where we played in your garden?
-You were a child.
-You protected me.
Dialed the cops when my mom
had too much to drink.
I was trying to help you.
You were in a crisis.
We got coffee a month ago.
I told you I needed someone.
I could have used a friend,
Fetsy, not a babysitter.
-Stop.
-No, I needed you.
-And you weren't there.
-I did my best.
Was it enough?
Go away.
-You never saw me.
-I did.
I was invisible to you.
[forlorn music playing]
What's wrong?
I think my neighbor
killed himself because of me.
-What?
-He was obsessed with me.
I tried to help him,
but it was just a lot.
I-- [sighs]
I think I was the only person
that ever tried
to be there for him.
I failed.
It's not your fault.
What do you know?
Because there's so much
that goes into this.
Everything from brain chemistry
to a million different
societal impacts.
Besides, you don't see me
blaming myself for Joan, do you?
What?
We hooked up.
Another flash card.
Yeah.
She made a big deal
about how I was her first.
I told her we could wait,
but she insisted.
Afterwards,
she told me she loved me.
That terrified me.
She got so angry,
she started throwing things
across the room.
I wanted to leave.
That's not your fault.
Exactly.
Joan needs to be seen.
-Joan!
-Louder!
Joan!
Don't you know how to project?
-Louder!
-Joan!
Too loud!
You'll burst my eardrums!
I'm just saying,
if she was gonna kill herself,
why would she drive to
a fucking elementary school?
I don't know.
Almost as much of a mystery
as to why a fully functioning
19-year-old
would prey on a high schooler.
I've had it with you,
you stupid bitch!
Come on!
-[Cassie] Go ahead, try me.
Fuck you!
-Are you going to go after him?
-No!
This time it's over!
Where could she be?
Joanie! Joanie!
[sighs]
You're the last person
she wants to see, Joshie.
I'll be stealth.
-Katie.
-Stop it!
[electronic music playing]
God, I hope we find her.
You don't think
she would actually do it?
I have no idea.
-Joan!
-[metal clanking]
-Joan!
-Don't!
Not one more step.
It's okay, Joan.
We just want you to be okay.
I'm not. [sobbing]
I told you, stay back!
Okay.
I'll back up.
Just lower the knife.
[sobbing] I'm so fucked now!
If I don't go through with it...
what does that say about me?
I made a big show of it all.
I never wanted to be
in the spotlight.
My mom...
She loves the drama.
I was so excited about you!
I even told my mom!
I don't tell her anything.
But I couldn't help myself.
I just wanted you to stay.
-Joan, I--
-Let her speak.
I don't care
that it was one night.
I felt what I felt.
I didn't need you
to want me back.
But...
did you ever think of me?
Was I ever going to be more
than just a number?
No one is ever just a number.
Everyone is...
an opportunity.
[Joan scoffs] Sounds like
a fucking greeting card.
I was terrified!
You have so much pain.
So much bottled up.
I couldn't take it!
Not in a romantic sense
at least.
I'm not here to fix partners.
But I am here
for you as a friend.
For what it's worth,
I'm a friend too.
-[crying]
-[knife clattering]
[sobbing]
Thank you both.
[sighs]
I can't thank you enough.
[sighs and sniffs]
Joanie's going to rehab.
It's time for me to step up.
[sighing]
Joshie?
I'm sorry
for how I behaved earlier.
I'm sorry too.
I shouldn't have
spoken to you like that.
It's okay. I forgive you.
Thanks, Chrissy.
That means a lot.
Time to move on?
Time to move on.
[Ida]
Hurry up!
Mind taking the teens home?
Sure. You okay?
Seems like
a nice night for a walk.
You're not tired?
I've got a lot on my mind.
A stroll home would be nice.
A stroll sounds nice.
-Holy fuck!
-What?
I'm officially a working artist!
[both squeal]
[cheering and laughing]
[both laughing happily]
Tell me your secret,
[indistinct]
It all falls apart
In the last day
of retrograde
I'm haunted by your words,
all I see is your face
We're running in circles
In the last day
of retrograde
Tonight is the last chance
to go back
To the past
that you once had
Would you make
the same mistakes
All over again
Take me with you
to the place
That you go
just to feel safe
We can run away
and never turn
Our backs
Tell me your secrets,
[indistinct]
It all falls apart
In the last day
of retrograde
I'm haunted by your words,
all I see is your face
We're running in circles
In the last day
of retrograde
The light of night,
it turns to day
All I want
is for you to be okay
To be okay
Tell me your secrets,
[indistinct]
It all falls apart in
the last day of retrograde
I'm haunted by your words,
all I see is your face
We're running in circles
In the last day
of retrograde
Last day
Last day
Last day of retrograde
[Fetsy groaning]
[ambient music playing]
[alarm beeping]
[sighs]
[sighs softly]
[chuckles]
[sighs]
Hey, hi, good morning.
I don't mean to be that bitch,
but I have to ask you to leave.
-[inhales] Five more minutes.
-No, sorry.
I really don't want you
to meet my dad.
[grunts] Fine.
I'll get up.
Hey.
You're pretty sexy.
[Fetsy chuckles]
So if my dad's in the kitchen,
he'll want to talk to you.
I have a boyfriend,
so be chill.
I haven't told anyone
I'm drifting away.
So predictable.
Yeah, yeah. But you hear me?
Loud and clear.
Esmeralda!
Top of the morning to ya.
-[Brie] Esmeralda?
-Just play along.
Daddy! Here I am.
Waking up for my busy, busy day.
Well, come on over here.
You know
how I need hugs in the morning.
[Michael grunts]
My beautiful little angel.
-Did you sleep well?
-I slept fine.
My friend Brie
from high school slept over.
Good morning, Mr. Pugliese.
Brie Swanson.
The Brie Swanson
who won silver at nationals
for her project on ants?
Yep, that's me.
Well, how are you, kiddo?
Doing well.
Good for you.
[groans]
I have to go to a meeting
with Johnson, Murray, and Smith.
Big time suck.
But hey, Daddy made us
$2,000 this morning!
Woohoo!
[Michel grunts] Being
a stockbroker is so annoying.
I get up at five in the morning,
talk to these jokers
on the east coast,
then I teach students.
Brutal work.
I am late to
a meeting with the provost,
so I'm just going to take
one of these.
-Calm my nerves.
-Have fun, Dad.
I know you can make another 2K.
Oh, thanks, Esmeralda.
How sweet.
Mm.
Okay, all right,
I am late to my meeting.
-Good seeing you, Brie.
-Likewise, Mr. Pugliese.
[sighs] Thanks.
[ambient music playing]
Oh, my God.
I love songbirds.
[door shuts closed]
Morning, Finn.
Can I drop you off somewhere?
You live near Skylar?
Skylar?
Like, high school Skylar?
Exactly.
[knocking on window]
[ambient music continues]
[upbeat music playing]
[engine rumbling]
-Mind if I have a cigarette?
-Sure, go for it.
Skylar and I go back
to elementary school days.
Did you know
he wanted to be a gymnast?
An Olympic gymnast.
I know all about Skylar's
almost career as a gymnast,
track and field star,
boxer even.
Boxers are super sick.
You and Skylar seem to think so.
So Skylar's the boyfriend,
I take it.
Bingo.
[train horn honking]
[Brie groans]
I hate living in Alma.
The train is always so loud.
Every day it's just--
[mimics train horn]
-[train horn honking]
-[mimics train horn]
I'll see you again tonight?
Sure, why not?
You ever wake up
and it's almost like
you don't know
who you're going to meet?
As if every day is a surprise
about how you'll present
to the world?
Of course, baby.
[ambient music playing]
[upbeat music playing]
[engine rumbling]
[Skylar] Why are we stopping?
[Fetsy]
I need to have a cigarette.
[Skylar] Oh.
[road din]
[birds chirping]
Bad morning, sweetheart?
Yeah.
Dad was being a pill
and I didn't sleep much.
I had that nightmare again.
About Finn and his mom.
This morning felt different
when I saw him.
He was so angry.
I'm sorry.
I slept poorly, too.
All night, tossing and turning.
I woke up at 4:00 and sat
in the bed until sunrise.
-Big day.
-For the both of us.
If anything weird happens today
with Christine Taylor Rose,
just follow my lead.
I have a backup plan
involving Joshie, Katie, and...
Fuck, what's her friend's name?
Ashley?
Augustina?
No, definitely not Augustina.
Definitely not Augustina.
-It's Cassie?
-Right, Cassie.
Uh, they're all at school
so it should be an easy pick up
if it comes to that.
[driving music playing]
-You ready?
-[Skylar] Yeah.
[Fetsy] Let's rock this bitch.
[upbeat music playing]
Okay, okay. I've seen enough.
How do I say this?
Your piece does not have
the je ne sais quoi
that is demanded of
the Taylor Rose gallery.
Wait, were you trying
to depict...
teen suicide?
That's so terrible.
Thank God
you two aren't parents.
Well, at least let's hope not.
Your piece reminds me
of something you did at Paly.
Remember?
The one with the mud,
the masks and the milk?
I like that one.
The black box
did smell like shit after.
Exactly.
Good intentions,
poor execution.
This should be a theater piece.
I see that.
It would have been better live.
Yes.
And the edits were sloppy.
A little haphazard.
As if no one knew
how to edit a video.
My daughter is great at tech.
She's 19 now.
Can you believe it?
She'd be a great editor.
[eccentric music playing]
She's going
to Dartmouth in fall
for electrical engineering.
And she edits film?
A Renaissance lady.
Well, she hasn't really edited
a film yet per se,
but she's very capable.
Very [indistinct].
I want to show you something
I threw
to get through this weekend.
[women vocalizing]
Notice how she moves her head.
It's very important.
You're hurting me.
Oh, you're hurting me!
Oh, oh, you're hurting me!
Bite your tongue.
Bite, bite your tongue.
That's my mom, Ida, by the way.
Oh, there's Johnny
in the back.
[eccentric music playing]
[sighs]
Unexpected, really.
Oh, you're hurting me.
Oh, oh, you're hurting me.
Bite your tongue.
Bite, bite your tongue!
Vocal and physical [indistinct]
wrecked [indistinct].
[all screaming]
You're hurting me.
Oh, you're hurting me.
I'm going to go back in there
for color correction.
[Joan] Ow!
Everything okay, sugar pop?
[Joan] Does it sound
like I'm okay, fat cunt?
What did I tell you
about calling me that word?
Oh, Chrissy!
She is going to call you a cunt
just like I call you Chrissy.
Potato, potato.
When I was your age,
men would call me slut
on the street.
[chuckles] Can you imagine?
Slut.
Not even pussy
or lady of the night.
I get called a slut
on the street all the time.
Everyone gets called
a slut, Mom.
You're not special.
Mom?
I was thinking we can go
to the theater tonight.
There's a great
King Lear out of--
Oh, I don't want to.
Those daughters are terrible.
I want to read Jane Eyre.
You've read that book
so many times.
What is it now, 100?
Actually, it's nine.
Time for my Ativan nap.
[chuckles]
[eccentric music playing]
Water or wine?
Pick your poison.
-Water.
-Water.
[music continues]
[Christin slurping]
Excuse me, Christine.
Is there something in the water?
Oh, I don't think so.
It could be my love.
Did you know that love
has a molecular structure?
If I were to say
"I love you" to ice,
it's chemical foundation
begins to glow
under a microscope.
Fun, right?
You said you wanted to see
a theater piece tonight.
I did.
Well, we'll be performing
a commedia dell'arte-inspired
piece tonight
in my garden in Palo Alto.
Skylar and I co-founded an LLC,
Clowns, Witches, and Snitches,
Commedia dell'Arte by the Bay.
[chuckles]
I adore commedia dell'arte.
I love clowns.
And physical theater.
We'll come.
-All of you?
-Yeah.
We need a family outing.
Well, we'll see you
this evening.
I'll start driving
in the late afternoon.
Be well, my students.
And be careful.
It's gonna be a weird one.
Thank you again
for the opportunity.
[eccentric music playing]
[door clicks closed]
Thank you, sweet pea.
I'll pick you up for the theater
in the afternoon.
[upbeat music playing]
[music fades]
[rock music playing]
-That lady's a fucking psycho.
-Hey, be nice.
She put something in our drinks
and just danced down
the street by herself.
I don't buy
that hippie-free-love bullshit
she spewed about
molecules or whatever.
Well, I feel fine.
[eccentric music playing]
Looks like someone's not
the biggest fan of our salad.
No, I-- I love it. [chuckles]
Couldn't be better.
Are you sure
you don't want another entre?
You seem to be struggling.
[Skylar] I'm fine.
Thanks for asking.
Well, enjoy.
[Skylar] Well, that was weird.
It felt like he...
Fetsy-metsy!
Hey, what's crack-a-lackin'?
I haven't heard from you
since that night
you threw up on my porch.
-What's up?
-Joshie, my man.
I miss you, brother.
Sky guy, my man.
It's been too long.
-How's the body?
-Good.
Great, actually.
I have a six-pack now.
Anyways,
we need your help tonight.
I'm planning just to do
a commedia dell'arte scenario
-for the Taylor Rose Gallery.
-Cool.
That's a-- a good gallery.
It'd be nice
to see Christine, too.
[chuckles] You know her?
In passing.
I'm almost positive
she slipped something
in our drinks.
-[sighs] You okay to drive?
-For now yes.
Personally, Joshie,
I think she's just [indistinct]
and gave us her love.
Joshie,
do you think Katie and...
Fuck, I always forget
her friend's name.
What was it? Astrid? Kathy?
I know who you're talking about.
It's Cassie, by the way.
Uh, hey,
we're doing a show tonight.
I'll write
my number on a napkin.
Text me if you want to come?
Maybe.
It depends on how tired I am.
[Fetsy]
Sky and I'll be there in 30.
Could we pick you,
Katie, and Calliope up then?
Amazing. [laughs]
I'll wrangle them out of class.
And it's, uh, not Calliope,
but you're getting closer.
Excited to see Daddy, too.
-Tretsy-mitsy.
-Ew.
That's just-- Whatever.
[birds chirping]
[sighs]
Katie with a K?
Uh, Katie with a K.
Please report to the, uh,
counselor's office immediately.
-[driving music playing]
-[cheering]
Bravo, you talented little shit!
You deserve
endless standing ovations.
That's my best friend!
My best friend!
She's got more talent
in her pinky finger
than any five people combined!
[both laughing]
I don't know. Are you sure?
I guess I'm nervous.
I've never really
done an audition
without a musical theater
piece before.
Maybe Susie and the Blowhards
is a little too left field
for the casting directors.
You're a star.
Blowhards or musical theater,
any production
would be lucky to have you.
I can't think of anyone
more talented than you.
Thanks.
Katie?
I have to say something.
It's nothing huge.
I've just been thinking--
I'm sorry.
I can't do this right now.
I'm just so busy
with the audition
and, you know, everything...
Justin.
Did you hear my inner calm?
No, she was
probably screaming.
Hey, oh, come on.
Let me guess,
I'm in trouble again?
Nope.
I'm getting you both
out of school today.
Fetsaloonie and Skylord need us.
Oh, I love them!
[sighs] We'll be doing
our old commedia dell'arte
performance from last summer
for a famous lady
named Christine Taylor Rose.
She might hire us
for her gallery
as performance artists.
Fun, right?
What classes
do you still have today?
Spanish, US History,
and Chamber Choir.
Uh, Honors Bio, AP Art History,
and Chamber Choir.
Great. Easy classes.
I'll just tell them
that you're having
another, uh, nervous breakdown.
I'd appreciate it if you didn't.
I'm doing a lot better
and everyone's
already worried about me.
Yeah.
People already think
we're nutcases
because we were forced
to leave for a while.
-Don't fuel the fire.
-Understood.
I'll tell the principal
that I'm taking you both
on a professional
art field trip.
That'll work.
Or you could just say
my mom hurt herself again.
It usually works.
Heads up.
Incoming douche.
Uh...
I gotta go make a few calls.
I'll be over there.
Tootsie-roll!
Finally, I get to see you.
I just had
the worst day at work.
My coworker committed suicide
on my shift.
What was his name?
I might know him.
This dude, Finn.
He was bullying me at Paly.
Fuck up, right?
Sounds like
the bitches got to his head.
Yeah, bitches.
Totally, that's the problem.
[Justin] Are we still on
for tonight, Popsicle?
Can we do another night?
I know you hate when I cancel,
but I have
a performance tonight.
-You should come.
-Oh, my God, seriously? Again?
Babe, I'm sorry.
It was so last minute.
It's just that...
I had a table reserved
for us at Max's.
You know, my fave.
I was gonna sing a song for you.
-How sweet.
-Gross.
It isn't about you.
It's just like,
you're always so busy, baby.
It's like,
"Oh, I have to practice dance.
I need to learn a song
for my audition.
I-- I have to cancel.
I'm scared for my mom."
Excuse me?
-Who are you?
-Oh, hi, Joshie.
This is my boyfriend, Justin.
Justin,
my guidance counselor, Joshie.
-Sick briefcase, dude.
-Thanks, man.
I had it imported from Italy.
Real Italian leather from Parma.
You want a ride, Justin?
I'm not getting
in the car with him.
I don't want to be
with you either,
snot-faced comrade.
Don't worry about it.
[car horn honking]
[Skylar] My man,
[indistinct] Joshienator!
[Joshie] Sky-fly, Sky-fly!
-[both grunting]
-It's been way too long!
You okay, man?
Show us the abs.
Good-looking man.
Hey, you're coming along.
I hate that
I don't have to stop early.
[Skylar]
I mean, easy muscles are a plus.
-I just feel angry all the time.
-Totally.
[indistinct], it's time to go.
Ouch! Watch yourself, dude.
-Did I hear a threat?
-Ignore him!
I'll text you
the time and address, babe,
if you want to come.
Love you.
All right, stony macaroni.
Time to get out
of the driver's seat.
You sure? I can d-- drive.
[Joshie] Like heck, I'm sure.
Get out.
[car beeping]
[door shuts closed]
Fuck!
[upbeat music playing]
So, uh, I don't know
if you guys remember this,
but I used to DJ in college.
-We all know this, Josh.
-[Skylar] I didn't.
Fetsy, I'm getting carsick.
Can we switch?
Oh, my God, suck it up.
Anyways,
I essentially brought the club
to UCSD.
Massive parties,
over 500 people.
I'm breaking up with Justin.
You say that, like, every day.
I'm serious this time.
That was scary.
He punched a tree.
Yeah?
I don't think
I can date men anymore.
They get too angry.
But I'm not scary.
Yeah, I need
some womanly love right now.
I need a different type
of fucked up.
I love the type
of fucked up women are.
Contrast with me nicely,
even though I also like men.
Both of us are bi
or queer or whatever.
High school sweethearts
who went off to college
to, you know, explore.
I took a [indistinct]
and I know for sure
that Fetsy definitely munched.
Stop it, Sky.
They don't need to know this.
-Oh, I want to know it.
-Me too.
It's refreshing to hear
you guys talk about this.
When I was your age,
I didn't even know
what queer was.
It was just gay or straight.
Forget about bi
or non-binary or trans people.
You all are so lucky.
-Joshie, possum!
-[brake squealing]
Girls, wait.
What the fuck, Joshie?
Like, seriously, dude?
You just killed that possum.
I am so sorry.
It's all right.
It won't happen again.
You have my word. Scout's honor.
And this actually
means something
because when I was your age,
I was actually a scout.
I built a bench for
a park in Palo Alto.
How could you become
an Eagle Scout?
[laughs] You got me.
They wouldn't let me be a scout,
but I got all
the badges anyway. [chuckles]
What did your bench look like?
[chuckles] I'll tell you
all about it in the car.
[dramatic music playing]
[heartfelt music playing]
[engine rumbling]
-[Fetsy] God, I hate it here.
-[Joshie] Me too.
-I thought you liked California.
-Not really.
But you never left?
Well, I guess
I woke up one day when I was 30
and realized
there must be a good reason
why I'm still here.
[upbeat music playing]
[Fetsy screaming]
So how do you know
Christine Taylor Rose?
We dated for two years.
-You said you hardly knew her.
-I lied.
-How did it end?
-Poorly, frankly.
It was mainly because of
her family, though.
Which was worse,
mother or daughter?
I take it you met them.
Yeah.
I can see how
they could be shit in-laws.
The daughter
literally punched a wall.
[laughs] Classic Joanie.
Was there a final straw?
It was cumulative.
They just wore me down
until I broke.
Glad you got out of there.
To be honest, though, Fetz,
I need closure.
You're fine
with seeing her tonight?
Totally. I'm a big boy.
[funky music plays]
-Why's she here?
-[Katie] What?
I'll tell you later.
Let's go inside.
[Katie] Okay.
[horn honks]
Feel free to rest.
Naps usually settle my stomach.
Fetsy?
Hey, you.
-Get me some water.
-Sure.
Need anything, big guy?
[distant laughter]
They're having fun.
I'm at the part
where she's getting slut-shamed
by the whole town
and I just, like...
-don't care.
-I hated that book.
You just have to power through.
Sebastian texted back.
-Who?
-Our server from this morning.
-He def likes me.
-Sweet.
You can suck dicks
after the show.
Stop. It's not like that.
One water coming right up.
Joshie, don't fuck my dad again.
I would never dream of ravishing
such a beautiful man...
without his permission,
of course.
Oh, you, stop that.
Joshie, don't fuck my father.
Your father deserves
a much better lady than me.
Stop it,
you're getting me in trouble.
Dad, don't you have
an econ book to read?
Maybe time to pop
the afternoon pills.
Great idea. Pardon me.
I actually don't have anything
else I have to do today.
When Esmeralda told me
you were coming over,
I made sure to be...
available.
[sighs] Dad, seriously, again?
It's Fetsy now.
Fetsy, okay?
Fetsy!
Oh, sweetheart,
you know I didn't mean it.
You just have to be
patient with me.
It-- it's that when I see you,
I see the little baby
I swaddled in my arms.
Don't get hooked on pills,
you'll age faster.
You want to tell yourself that?
And it's--
Y-- you know what?
I don't have time for this.
Please don't leave angry.
You know it kills me.
Please stay.
Well, good news.
You have your own sex doll
waiting and willing.
You can pork your pain away.
I think I'm more
than just a sex doll.
Honestly, screw you two.
Bring this to that girl
in the living room.
-Be useful.
-Sweetheart.
I thought you'd be passed out.
I never was.
I just wanted you to carry me.
I don't mind carrying you.
[Katie sniffles]
What's going on?
It's just one of those days.
I feel like
my relationships mean nothing.
And it's hard
because for some reason,
I feel like I'm getting
in fights, like,
every single day.
Sometimes I wonder if
I'm the only toxic person
in the world.
Like I should be alone.
My boyfriend sucks.
Tell me about it.
And Cassie's been weird all day.
Yes, Cassie.
Everything was fine
this morning.
Then she wanted to talk.
And I just couldn't.
I didn't have it in me.
Sometimes I feel like Cassie
deserves a better friend.
Like, she's so wonderful.
And I'm so not.
I just want to disappear.
I always want to disappear.
To die, in all honesty.
Like, I have Skylar
who's so wonderful.
But I feel as if I'm meant
for something else.
Someone else.
It's like Skylar and I
are standing across some canyon
shouting at each other,
but we can't hear.
We don't understand.
I'm too chickenshit to break up
with Skylar anyways.
I need to be brave
and find some happiness.
Then be brave. Be happy.
It's not as easy as that.
Well, I don't think
it's that hard.
-You think?
-Totally.
In middle school
when I had braces
I forced myself to smile
because the metal kept
cutting me when I frowned.
So, I smiled more
and became happier.
So, my ex before Justin...
committed suicide.
Uh, shit, that's terrible.
Yeah.
We did it our freshman year.
We did all the cutesy things
like dance to "Pon de Replay"
while drinking
his parents' wine.
We even went on dates
at the new movie theater
in Redwood City.
His favorite book
was Suicide by Edouard Lev.
That's an indication.
He even made me do a blood pact.
Kept showing me
his knives and nooses.
I broke up with him
because he was scaring me.
Then two weeks later he jumped
in front of the Caltrain.
Oh, Katie, that's awful.
Yeah. Everyone at school
kept calling me
suicide bitch and suicide siren.
Now my only friend is Cassie
who's in love with me.
[voice breaking]
I don't love her, though.
Sometimes I feel like
I'm a fish in a tank.
Like everyone's staring at me.
Like I have the answers,
but I don't, though.
I don't. [sobs softly]
I'm sorry I'm crying.
I must seem weak.
Not at all.
Cry whenever you can.
Crying's okay.
It should be celebrated
as a form of exercise
like jogging or tennis.
But it's beyond that.
All I do is cry.
Sometimes I lie to my parents
and say I'm studying
but I weep for hours.
I just want it to stop.
Sometimes I cry
because I can't stop.
Frankly, I fantasize about
violently murdering
some male stranger.
He'd probably be
an abuser anyway.
True.
But you'd have to live
with the murder.
You know,
I don't think I'm a murderer,
and I shouldn't say
these things.
It happened again today.
What happened again?
This guy Finn committed suicide.
He was a [indistinct],
I think.
Some of my friends knew him,
but I guess that's
the world these days.
Finn? Like Finn Applegate?
I don't know his last name.
You know the news
never reports these things.
Katie.
He was my neighbor.
Oh, my God.
Fetsy, there's someone
for you at the door.
Thanks, I'll get it.
[sobbing] No. Finn, no.
Finn, no.
[Katie]
Fetsy, are you all right?
I'm fine, Katie.
[sobs and screams]
Finn!
I wanted to tell you-- Hey!
There's-- there's
surrender here in death.
Listen, everything
becomes much clearer.
-Time, the universe, it...
-[Fetsy panting]
...it all makes sense.
Oh, my God, Fetz, wake up.
-Hey.
-Wake up!
There's nothing to wake up from.
I am 100% real.
A-- and I have something
I want to say.
No. You're dead.
You're dead. [sobbing]
Simplemindedness of the living.
I-- I could have
helped you, Finn.
-I could have been there.
-It's too late.
It's too late, Fetsy.
It's not my fault.
It's not my fault.
-[Fetsy screams]
-Fetsy, what's going on?
Nothing, Katie. It's nothing.
That chick's still
waiting for you.
Uh, thanks, Ella.
No! Destiny.
Need me to spell it out for you?
Cassie. C-A-S-S-I-E.
-Cassie.
-[Fetsy groans]
Darling,
I have something to say.
Can it wait?
There's someone at the door.
It'll be quick. I promise.
Yes?
[Michael exhales sharply]
Joshie and I talked it over.
And, uh...
we will not have sex again.
Excellent news. Bravo!
I'm so proud of you both.
A plus.
Fetsarooney, be kind.
Fine.
I appreciate the sentiment.
Thank you.
Last night was fun.
Yeah.
What are you doing here?
You said you wanted
to see me again.
I said that?
[chuckles] Wow.
I say the craziest things.
[scoffs]
What's that supposed to mean?
Oh, it's not about you.
I'm turbulent.
I say things I don't mean
and forget about them.
It hurts the people I love.
Not that I love you.
Yet.
I'm happy you're here, though.
It's just been a long day.
Can I tell you about it?
It's a bit bleak.
Go for it. I get bleak.
So, my neighbor, Finn,
killed himself today.
Shit.
Yeah.
I just found out from Katie,
this teen I work with.
I don't know.
I guess I'm still processing.
I used to be around him
all the time as his babysitter.
He had a single mom
who's an alcoholic.
She was constantly
screaming at him.
Kicking him out of the house.
Told him never to come back.
He came over to mine a lot.
He'd cry and yell
and I'd try to comfort him.
Then suddenly
he'd stop and go home.
I hate his mom, and now...
it makes me think...
maybe if he had
a better parent or...
someone else.
Someone special.
But that's useless.
He's gone now.
Just...
gone.
Shit, dude. That's...
that's crazy.
That's all you have to say?
I guess.
It's pretty intense.
I don't really know
how to respond.
It's all right.
I didn't mean to get so intense.
No, no. It's o-- Hey.
Really.
I'm just glad
you felt comfortable with me.
It's the first time
you really opened up.
I'm glad we met
in the club that night.
Me too.
Wilson Street is nuts.
Usually I just see
gay guys freaking
but that night
we freaked all night long.
So do you hook up a lot, then?
You're pretty good at it.
I do.
My wheelhouse,
hilariously though,
is questioning girls...
or virgins.
For some reason people
just trust me to be their first.
Not like
I'm complaining or anything.
Everybody gets
a flashcard with statistics.
Eye color, hair color...
piercings, innie, outie,
where we fucked.
You know, stats.
Do I have a flash card?
Absolutely.
So that's how you see me,
as some flash card?
No, that's-- that's--
that's not what I meant.
Look, I wouldn't be here
if you weren't special.
I think about you
when I'm with someone else.
I literally imagine
I'm fucking you.
You got me hooked, Fetz.
Don't lie to me.
I'm not.
I promise.
Burn my flashcard,
you disgusting pervert.
Since you're here,
I have a favor to ask.
What is it?
Could you be in my show tonight?
Is it easy?
Yeah. I'll teach you everything.
You just need to exaggerate
your movements.
I am good at memorizing.
[sighs] In college,
I actually played
the titular Drowsy Chaperone.
Impressive.
Not as impressive as you.
I need to plan. Come in.
Yes, ma'am.
With commedia,
it's all about extremes.
You know, you-- little face.
Now big face.
Go on, big.
-Bigger.
-Ah.
And really think about
that lower lip.
For Columbina. She's very sexy.
Yeah. Think about the pout.
Maybe get your tongue out.
Hey, Fetsy.
Hope I'm not interrupting.
There's just, you know,
I can't really figure out
something with the wig.
Could you come
take a look, please?
I taught you, like,
three times how to put a wig on.
Come on, we have a show to do.
-Can you hop down, please?
-Fine.
Slinky.
Great pout, by the way.
You're doing great.
So just remember,
with Columbina,
you always want to be
grounded through your hips.
-Yeah.
-Like that?
-Yes.
-Okay, can-- can we get started?
We're running out of time, okay?
-On the beat?
-Yeah.
On the beat? Okay.
Okay, okay. That's enough.
All right.
I think-- I think we got it.
I think we got it.
You're doing great, by the way.
Good job.
Thank you.
I wonder who's going to show up.
Christine better come.
She's the only reason
we're doing this,
so frankly, I'd be pissed.
You need to trust people more.
You're always pissed
or disinterested.
Not everyone
is out to get you, Fetz.
So what I'm hearing is that
I should blindly trust
the lady who drugged us.
Well, intention is key,
and she loves us.
We were her favorite students.
I take it you've never been
drugged before?
No. How is that important?
Justin's here.
What's up, homos?
-Is my girlfriend here?
-Hey, Justin.
-Is my ragamuffin inside?
-Yep.
Sweet, well, see you
cocksuckers later. [laughs]
[motorcycle engine revving]
Hey. What's up?
[Fetsy] Hi, Sebastian.
Thanks for coming, man.
It means a lot.
I was actually in the area.
I was grabbing
an early dinner with this chick
and it ended up turning into
more of an afternoon snack,
if you know what I mean.
And it was like...
bam, bam, bam!
Nothing like good pussy.
You feel me?
Absolutely.
Don't you agree?
-Thanks for coming.
-No worries.
Uh, I love to see
a pretty boy in action.
I mean, I can do
a lot more than act.
I've been throat training
with my vocal coach.
[laughs] Hot.
I've trained many a throat.
I'm sure you're a great teacher.
I've got
nothing but compliments.
[gagging]
[Fetsy clears throat]
Please find your seat
in the garden.
Sounds good.
Way to be such a slut
in front of me.
Excuse me?
Say that again. I dare you.
Way to be
such a slut in front of me.
You are the one that is always
such a slut in front of me.
Excuse me? I am not.
Why is Brie Swanson here?
Huh?
I am many things, Fetsy,
but stupid is not one of them.
I have feelings for Brie.
What did you say?
Hey, hotties.
Can't talk now.
Your girlfriend's here.
Fetsy, are you kidding me?
It is so good to see you two,
and twice in one day.
Geez, I am parched.
[sighs] Much better.
Fetsy, Skylar,
this is my mother, Ida...
and my daughter, Joan.
Is your special water in there?
Definitely in mine.
I don't know about these two.
Do I look like I want to die?
Her water would kill me.
I always drink the water,
every day,
at least in the morning.
Sometimes, I drink
after [indistinct]
to do my homework.
I can't sleep,
but I get a lot done.
Honey, I didn't know
you drank so much.
[Joan] It's not like our fridge
has anything else in it.
-I agree with the gremlin.
-[Joan screams]
A stocked and orderly fridge
is the sign of
a successful home.
I am so tired
of eating chicken pad Thai
and salmon with asparagus.
We should get a live-in maid
when this one goes to college.
You two behave.
Can we please find our seats?
-I want a chair.
-We'll get you a chair.
I am done with
my ground-sitting days.
I demand comfort.
Of course you do.
Right this way, ma'am.
Fetsy, get back here.
We're not finished yet.
[Fetsy]
There's nothing more to say.
You just told me
you were in love with Brie.
I'm not in love with her.
Are you still even
in love with me?
Of course.
-Sure.
-Come on.
You literally just eye-fucked
our waiter in front of me.
He was flirting and I was
feeding off his vibes.
He's like a third of
our audience.
Grow up, Fetsy.
There are people that exist
in the world beside you.
-You think I don't know that?
-It feels like you don't.
-Uh, how would you know?
-Just deal with it for once.
Uh, Sky, wait. Come back.
Let's talk this out.
We're not
in high school anymore.
I am done being your toy.
You were never my toy.
-How could--
-[Skylar] Stop!
We have a show to do.
Skylar, please.
Let's talk like adults.
I guess that's it.
I'm too childish for you.
I'm done.
We need to get into costume.
-[Fetsy] But--
-For once, listen to me.
Leave me alone.
I was trying to help you.
You're just a kid.
You know,
things were going to get better.
I almost did that
in high school too,
but you know...
things do get better.
You didn't have to
fucking do that.
I'm so fucked.
I bet your fucking mom
doesn't even know yet.
She's just getting
fucking wasted again.
She won't even notice.
Oh, God.
I-- I don't know
what you want me to say,
but I just-- I...
I gotta get my shit together
tonight, you know?
I-- I don't have
fucking time for this.
[ethereal electronic
music plays]
Presenting Mikey's Mix.
Blue curaao, lemonade,
gin, St. Germain...
and Grenadine.
Help yourselves.
[exclaims and grunts]
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and squirrels,
and everybody in between.
[cackles]
Not only do we have
a spectacular show
for you tonight,
but tonight is incredible
all on its own.
It's the last night
of retrograde.
The last night
to change your life
into anything at all.
If you don't,
you'll doom yourself
to repeat the same mistakes
for another third of
the calendar year.
And, uh, with the cosmos
out of the way,
we present to you
our humble display
of commedia dell'arte.
[cackles]
I have quite the scheme tonight.
Tonight, I have brewed
a magical love potion
into Flavio's...
wedding cake.
Once consumed,
he will fall for me. [cackles]
Goodbye, Isabella.
Hello, Flavio's fortune...
all for me. [cackles]
[Il Capitano sobbing]
Quite an unhappy day.
Capitano could use a drink.
My friend, my man, brave sir,
you look forlorn.
Come, come, have a drink.
For some [indistinct],
I'll hear what's on your mind.
Ah, Brighella, my wise friend.
Good idea.
Great idea.
You would think that I,
Il Capitano,
would be joyful,
for I have traveled across
the planet.
From Bakersfield to Irvine
across deserts full of
the deadliest Joshua trees
where I beat the devil
at his own game...
-[Joan sighs]
-[Il Capitano cackles]
...where I swam across
the vast Monterey ocean
making love to millions
of mermaids... [cackles]
...and satisfying them too.
You would think
I would be happy, but no,
my love, Columbina,
is very arlecchino.
It is also Flavio's wedding day.
It pains me to say
I have lusted after Flavio
ever since I saw his man purse.
Oh, and there they are.
Oh, oh, oh, I am slain.
I would give my gold mine
just to have... [growls]
...Columbina. [grunts]
[Brighella]
This cake here is infused
with a magical love potion.
Make sure you are
the first person Columbina sees.
She is sure
to fall in love with you.
Uh...
[indistinct]
I just need you...
to sign here...
-here...
-[Il Capitano grunts]
-...and here.
-[Il Capitano exclaims]
I see Brighella has
a devilish plot
to ruin my lady
Isabella's wedding day.
He must be
after Flavio's fortune.
He even went as far
as to attempt to drug me
into falling in love
with that idiotic Capitano.
[gags]
I know just what to do.
Arlecchino, wake up.
You like cake?
I love cake.
Well, there's cake.
Cake? Where?
Ah, I have
this delicious cake ready
for Flavio.
Ah, my good sir,
my deepest blessings
on your upcoming nuptials.
As promised,
a sample of your wedding cake.
It will go down
your throat with delight.
Yes, my scheme to secure
his southern territories
is in sight.
[Brighella cackling]
Oh, Brighella, this is so tasty.
Oh, Columbina,
I love you like cream pie...
summer squash...
beef stew...
and toast with honey and cake.
Well, I would...
fight the fiercest foe,
face countless battles
for you. [cackles]
Just look at
this magnificent sword.
How can the Arlecchino
compare with this?
[cackles]
Ah, a token of the many riches
that await you.
Mm. Cake from my love.
Oh, Brighella, oh, I love you.
Your green skin reminds me
of a succulent avocado.
[Brighella panting]
Oh, Capitano...
what a sword.
[Il Capitano] Ugh, ugh.
[Il Capitano cackles]
[Columbina shudders]
[gasps] Hm.
[Brighella panting]
[Arlecchino moaning]
[Il Capitano grunts and growls]
[Columbina groans]
[Arlecchino moaning]
Flavio...
please.
This is the last possible taste
to ensure
this wedding goes as I planned.
My love, cake!
You sure know
the way to my heart.
No, no, not for you!
[vocalizing]
This should get him off my tail
and straighten out this plot.
Oh, for heaven's sake.
[Il Capitano]
Oh, call me daft, call me gay,
but Brighella smells so dashing.
Brighella,
did I tell you about my fight
in Silicon Valley
on the 72nd night?
You told me already.
Ah, well, did I tell you
how they groveled,
how they surrendered,
how they forfeited their stocks
and bonds and land,
but best of all, their hats?
Marry me and all of this...
will be yours.
Stocks, bonds, lands?
Well.
What are we waiting for?
Let's have a wedding.
[both laughs]
A toast to you,
my beguiling wife.
No more will I have
no sin or strife,
for I have loved you,
oh, so plain
as if God himself
had us ordained.
To you, my love, my man so bold,
our future fortune we'll behold,
and to our chambers we will go,
and then I'll show you
my books on pro.
So, got cake?
[scattered applause]
Bravo, you two, bravo!
Bravo! You're hired on the spot.
Everyone one of you.
But for now, let's celebrate.
[applause]
[ominous music building]
Darling, what's wrong?
It's nothing.
Dad, you took a lot of pills.
Fetsy, relax.
Let's get stupid.
I'm so happy for you.
I'm floored.
That was one of the top
five live performances
I've ever seen,
and I used to go
to every show in Palo Alto.
You called me Fetsy.
That's your name.
Thank you, Dad.
I love you, Fetsy.
Sometimes, too much.
Okay, Daddy's gonna go to bed.
Hershman and McGuire want to
talk to me from New York City,
so I gotta get up
at the crack of dawn.
Feel free to help yourself
to anything from my stash.
Sleep well, Dad. Love you.
Who wants to get me a drink?
I do!
Joshua.
Hi, Chrissy.
Joshua.
Let's party.
Woo-hoo!
Oh, honey,
thank you so much for coming.
And as promised,
I'm gonna buy you
that new gaming system.
Whatever. I want to go home.
Soon, okay?
[Joshie]
Uh, Joanie Baloney!
It's been a while.
How's the robot coming along?
Go away.
All righty, then.
You doing okay, kiddo?
You seem a little bit
more pale than usual.
I said leave, you smelly pig.
[imitates pig snorting]
Still as hurtful as ever.
Mrs. Rose,
you look as enlivening as ever.
Like a morning dew drop
on a freshly cut--
Enough!
Move on.
Come on, Ida.
Remember Joshua Tree?
I camped at the Joshua Trees
with my family.
I don't remember
you being there.
But if you were,
I would rather have run off
into the desert and died.
No wonder I left that family.
Hey! [Joshie chuckles]
What's shakin', my bacons?
Excuse me?
So, how's everyone feeling post?
Like the sky opened up
and you're a god?
I feel that. I love to perform.
-I personally don't.
-No one asked you.
Excuse me!
Coming!
She wants to talk to you.
I'll be right there.
Hey, Fetz, can we borrow
some swimsuits for the hot tub?
Go for it. Second from
the top, left drawers.
[Katie] Thanks.
[Skylar]
Hey, Fetsy.
Sebastian and I are heading out.
-Where are you going?
-This bar.
Yeah, everything is like
tech bro and bitty vibes, but...
-gentrification.
-Let's go.
Skylar, wait up.
Fetsy, this is it.
I'm gonna get closure.
Joshie, she's been waiting.
Go to her. Be brave.
[sighs] You're right.
Be brave.
Thank you.
[approaching footsteps]
I have a helmet
for you, handsome.
Thanks.
Mind if he's here?
I don't care. He's a stranger.
So, you know
how I like like Katie?
Is she still being difficult?
I found the courage today
to tell her how I feel.
But she interrupted me
and shut it down.
Said she wasn't ready
to talk about it.
How'd you land Fetsy?
You can't compare
relationships like that.
Every relationship is its
own special brand of hell.
Also, she actually landed me.
Atta boy.
Trust your gut, Cass.
That's all you can do
and hope that the other person
feels the same.
I think it's sweet
that you like your biffle.
It's like Romeo and Juliet,
except you're both Juliet and...
hopefully no one dies.
[chuckles]
Yeah, sure. Let's go with that.
Thanks, Sky.
Try again.
No time like the present.
As Joshie said,
tonight is the night.
Anything can happen.
You have good instincts, Cass.
Trust yourself.
See you later.
[engine revving]
[Chrissy]
You didn't text me.
-[Joshie] So?
-It's common courtesy
to text your ex if you know
they're going to be
at the same function.
It feels inconsiderate,
as if you planned
to sabotage me.
I wouldn't sabotage.
-Sure, you wouldn't.
-There it is.
That tone. It drives me crazy.
I don't have a tone.
Yeah, you do.
"Joshua, you fool,
that's my wine."
"Joshie, Joan says
you're being too loud
and Ida has a migraine.
Could you shut up?"
"Sorry, there was acid
in that water.
My bad."
I never drugged you on purpose.
My daughter,
the child you abandoned
after you told me
time and time again
you would handle her,
has been drugging me.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Letting your own daughter
put acid in people's drinks?
Have you a spine,
a conscience, anything at all?
You left me, okay?
You left us.
So, you have no right,
no right to come in here
unannounced and lecture me
about my daughter
or anything about my life.
You rarely did anything
in the house but take up space.
I resent that.
How many times did I take Joan
to robotic meets
because you were too wasted?
Or when Ida needed
to go to the hospital
to get her hernia repaired?
I sat with her all night.
And where was her daughter?
Out getting wasted
with her rich friends
-doing God knows what.
-That's unfair.
You have no idea what it's like
to be a working single mom
with a bitch of a mother
and a daughter
who used to kill
squirrels for fun.
You gave me
the freedom to be myself.
And then,
one morning, you leave.
I am livid, Joshua.
Livid!
Chrissy.
I had to leave.
Your family
treated me like shit.
I kept thinking about
what we had today.
I moved on, Joshie.
I moved on a long while ago.
Seeing you depresses me.
I thought about our trip
to Carmel today all day.
You, sun-kissed,
in that ridiculous sun hat.
Kissing my nose.
That used to be my happy place.
And now, it's just sad.
I need closure.
I want us to move on.
I have moved on.
I've done that.
I don't need to have
this conversation.
I hate you, Joshie.
You've ruined my life
and I am furious.
Don't focus
on these emotions, Chrissy.
First rule of life,
remember the good.
It's time for us
to move on, Chrissy.
Fuck you, Joshua.
I have moved on
and I can be angry.
I can be whatever I want.
I deserve to be whatever I want.
[tense music playing]
[music fades]
I feel really bad
about our fight earlier.
-Whose fight?
-Skylar.
I mean,
you saw how he was being.
He just left.
He didn't say congrats.
He didn't say we did it.
-What?
-Nothing?
-Nothing?
-No, he just left
with the stupid waiter.
Oh, so lame.
I know, I mean-- [scoffs]
Men are so emotional.
[techno music playing]
It's ridiculous.
Well, at least
he's in good company.
Gentrification.
-[Brie chuckles]
-Just-- God.
They're having a great time
for a $30 cocktail.
Yeah, really.
[both chuckling]
-You know what I mean.
-Yeah.
But now, you can relax.
I'm so proud of you.
Justin, stop!
[giggling]
[Cassie]
Can I sit down?
[Katie giggling]
[Katie laughing]
I think that was--
I think that was
more just for fun.
[laughing]
No, don't grab my leg.
Don't grab my-- [giggling]
I don't know you.
But I know
how to spot a normal person.
-See that girl over there?
-Hm.
She's my best friend.
But we don't feel close now.
I feel lonely,
like, all the time.
When I'm with her
and when I'm not.
I have a hard home life.
I feel as if Katie
is the only person who gets me.
[Katie giggling]
No! [laughs]
I'm sorry,
I'm talking too much,
but I want you to know
that I'm here for you.
Whatever you need.
Try not to get freaked out.
Try me.
I've seen a lot.
So...
I lost my virginity to her.
-Why is Joan pointing at you?
-What?
She looks really pissed...
Yeah, um, it's fine.
-Just don't give it attention.
-Yeah.
And she never texted me back.
Even after I told her
she was my first.
And that I didn't want my first
to be a one-night stand.
She broke my heart.
She seemed
really happy with it.
Yeah, thank God.
In my car, I have a knife...
that I like to hold
for comfort and pleasure.
It makes me feel in control.
Like, if I need
to defend myself, I could.
And...
if I wanted to end this,
I could.
Thanks.
I need to be alone now.
I need my own solace.
Joshie, I don't know
what just happened.
You were with Joan, right?
Yeah.
She said something about
how she fantasizes
about killing herself,
and maybe others.
It was directed at her.
Oh, wow.
You don't seem concerned.
Joan has always been
a little odd.
Yeah, but this felt beyond that.
She was numb.
Joshie,
she said she had a knife.
-A knife?
-Yeah.
Is she dangerous?
She could be.
[tires screeching]
Driving around in circles.
She almost ran me over
a couple of times.
Huh?
Yeah.
Whale noises?
Interesting.
Okay, I'll keep you updated.
Okay, bye.
I'm sorry about my daughter.
This is so embarrassing.
Knowing her,
she'll do something.
You know my daughter.
-Long story.
-She's got a knife.
Oh, God.
I have my car location
on my phone.
-We can follow that.
-I'll get my keys.
Is she dangerous?
Only to people
who screw her over.
[ominous music playing]
What the hell is happening?
Joan ran off.
She has a knife.
She could use it.
[Justin] What the hell.
There's enough people here.
-We're helping Joan.
-[Justin groans]
-Who's the most sober?
-I am.
-Mom?
-I'm here to save the day.
Like always.
Looks like she stopped
at this elementary school.
-Where?
-Left here, Mom.
You're going to fail her
like you failed me.
I'm not listening.
All I wanted was someone.
I was alone
and no one was there.
-Not even you.
-Go away.
-What?
-It's-- it's nothing.
I just wanted someone to see me.
[music fades]
Where do you think she went?
Let's split up.
We'll cover more ground.
Have time for me yet?
Leave me alone.
I know you're not real.
That's--
You almost offend me.
We were besties.
We weren't.
I was your babysitter.
But those summer afternoons
where we played in your garden?
-You were a child.
-You protected me.
Dialed the cops when my mom
had too much to drink.
I was trying to help you.
You were in a crisis.
We got coffee a month ago.
I told you I needed someone.
I could have used a friend,
Fetsy, not a babysitter.
-Stop.
-No, I needed you.
-And you weren't there.
-I did my best.
Was it enough?
Go away.
-You never saw me.
-I did.
I was invisible to you.
[forlorn music playing]
What's wrong?
I think my neighbor
killed himself because of me.
-What?
-He was obsessed with me.
I tried to help him,
but it was just a lot.
I-- [sighs]
I think I was the only person
that ever tried
to be there for him.
I failed.
It's not your fault.
What do you know?
Because there's so much
that goes into this.
Everything from brain chemistry
to a million different
societal impacts.
Besides, you don't see me
blaming myself for Joan, do you?
What?
We hooked up.
Another flash card.
Yeah.
She made a big deal
about how I was her first.
I told her we could wait,
but she insisted.
Afterwards,
she told me she loved me.
That terrified me.
She got so angry,
she started throwing things
across the room.
I wanted to leave.
That's not your fault.
Exactly.
Joan needs to be seen.
-Joan!
-Louder!
Joan!
Don't you know how to project?
-Louder!
-Joan!
Too loud!
You'll burst my eardrums!
I'm just saying,
if she was gonna kill herself,
why would she drive to
a fucking elementary school?
I don't know.
Almost as much of a mystery
as to why a fully functioning
19-year-old
would prey on a high schooler.
I've had it with you,
you stupid bitch!
Come on!
-[Cassie] Go ahead, try me.
Fuck you!
-Are you going to go after him?
-No!
This time it's over!
Where could she be?
Joanie! Joanie!
[sighs]
You're the last person
she wants to see, Joshie.
I'll be stealth.
-Katie.
-Stop it!
[electronic music playing]
God, I hope we find her.
You don't think
she would actually do it?
I have no idea.
-Joan!
-[metal clanking]
-Joan!
-Don't!
Not one more step.
It's okay, Joan.
We just want you to be okay.
I'm not. [sobbing]
I told you, stay back!
Okay.
I'll back up.
Just lower the knife.
[sobbing] I'm so fucked now!
If I don't go through with it...
what does that say about me?
I made a big show of it all.
I never wanted to be
in the spotlight.
My mom...
She loves the drama.
I was so excited about you!
I even told my mom!
I don't tell her anything.
But I couldn't help myself.
I just wanted you to stay.
-Joan, I--
-Let her speak.
I don't care
that it was one night.
I felt what I felt.
I didn't need you
to want me back.
But...
did you ever think of me?
Was I ever going to be more
than just a number?
No one is ever just a number.
Everyone is...
an opportunity.
[Joan scoffs] Sounds like
a fucking greeting card.
I was terrified!
You have so much pain.
So much bottled up.
I couldn't take it!
Not in a romantic sense
at least.
I'm not here to fix partners.
But I am here
for you as a friend.
For what it's worth,
I'm a friend too.
-[crying]
-[knife clattering]
[sobbing]
Thank you both.
[sighs]
I can't thank you enough.
[sighs and sniffs]
Joanie's going to rehab.
It's time for me to step up.
[sighing]
Joshie?
I'm sorry
for how I behaved earlier.
I'm sorry too.
I shouldn't have
spoken to you like that.
It's okay. I forgive you.
Thanks, Chrissy.
That means a lot.
Time to move on?
Time to move on.
[Ida]
Hurry up!
Mind taking the teens home?
Sure. You okay?
Seems like
a nice night for a walk.
You're not tired?
I've got a lot on my mind.
A stroll home would be nice.
A stroll sounds nice.
-Holy fuck!
-What?
I'm officially a working artist!
[both squeal]
[cheering and laughing]
[both laughing happily]
Tell me your secret,
[indistinct]
It all falls apart
In the last day
of retrograde
I'm haunted by your words,
all I see is your face
We're running in circles
In the last day
of retrograde
Tonight is the last chance
to go back
To the past
that you once had
Would you make
the same mistakes
All over again
Take me with you
to the place
That you go
just to feel safe
We can run away
and never turn
Our backs
Tell me your secrets,
[indistinct]
It all falls apart
In the last day
of retrograde
I'm haunted by your words,
all I see is your face
We're running in circles
In the last day
of retrograde
The light of night,
it turns to day
All I want
is for you to be okay
To be okay
Tell me your secrets,
[indistinct]
It all falls apart in
the last day of retrograde
I'm haunted by your words,
all I see is your face
We're running in circles
In the last day
of retrograde
Last day
Last day
Last day of retrograde