The Last Five Years (2014) Movie Script
Jamie is over and Jamie is gone
Jamie's decided it's time to move on
Jamie has new dreams he's building upon
And I'm still hurting
Jamie arrived at the end of the line
Jamie's convinced
that the problems are mine
Jamie is probably feeling just fine
And I'm still hurting
What about lies, Jamie?
What about things
That you swore to be true?
What about you, Jamie?
What about you?
Jamie is sure something wonderful died
Jamie decides it's his right to decide
Jamie's got secrets he doesn't confide
And I'm still hurting
Go and hide
And run away
Run away
Run and find something better
Go and ride
The sun away
Run away
Like it's simple
Like it's right
Give me a day, Jamie
Bring back the lies
Hang them back on the wall
Maybe I'd see
How you could be
So certain that we
Had no chance
At all
Jamie is over and where can I turn?
Covered with scars I did nothing to earn
Maybe there's somewhere
a lesson to learn
But that wouldn't change the fact
That wouldn't speed the time
Once the foundation's cracked
And I'm
Still hurting
Jamie... Jamie, wait.
I'm breaking my mother's heart
The longer I stand looking at you
The more I hear it splinter and crack
From 90 miles away
I'm breaking my mother's heart
The JCC of Spring Valley is shaking
And crumbling to the ground
And my grandfather's rolling
Rolling in his grave
If you had a tattoo that wouldn't matter
If you had a shaved head
that would be cool
If you came from Spain or Japan
or the back of a van
Just as long as you're
not from Hebrew school
I'd say, "Now I'm getting somewhere!
I'm finally breaking through!"
I'd say, "Hey! Hey! Shiksa goddess!
I've been waiting for someone like you"
Oh, my God! OK, hold on. Hold on.
What's happening?
I have to... I have to take this in.
You don't understand.
I have been waiting through
Danica Schwartz and Erica Weiss
And the Handelman twins
I have been waiting through
Heather Greenblatt, Annie Mincus,
Karen Pincus and Lisa Katz
And Stacey Rosen, Ellen Kaplan,
Julie Silver and Janie Stein
I've had Shabbat dinners
on Friday nights
With every Shapiro
in Washington Heights!
But the minute I first met you
I could barely catch my breath
I've been standing for days
with the phone in my hand
Like an idiot scared to death
I've been wandering through the desert
I've been beaten I've been hit
My people have suffered
for thousands of years
And I don't give a shit
If you had a pierced tongue
that wouldn't matter
If you once were in jail
or you once were a man
If your mother and your brother
had relations with each other
And your father was connected
to the Gotti clan, I'd say,
"Well, nobody's perfect"
It's tragic but it's true
I'd say, "Hey! Hey! Shiksa goddess!
I've been waiting for someone like you"
Breaking the circle
You
Taking the light
You
You are the story I should write
I have to write!
If you drove an RV that wouldn't matter
If you like to drink blood
I think it's cute
If you've got a powerful connection
to your firearm collection
I'd say draw a bead and shoot
I'm your Hebrew slave at your service
Just tell me what to do
I'd say, "Hey, hey, hey...
I've been waiting for someone
I've been praying for someone
I think that I could be in love
With someone
Like you"
I guess I can't believe you really came
And that we're sitting on this pier
See, I'm smiling
That means I'm happy that you're here
I stole this sweater from a costume shop
It makes me look like Daisy Mae
See, we're laughing
I think we're gonna be OK
I mean, we'll have to
try a little harder
And bend things to and fro
To make this love as special
As it was five years ago
I mean you made it to Ohio
Who knows where else
We can go
I think you're really
gonna like this show
I'm pretty sure it doesn't suck
See, you're laughing
And I'm smiling
By a river in Ohio
And you're mine
We're doing fine
I think we both can see
what could be better
I'll own when I was wrong
With all we've had to go through
We'll end up twice as strong
And so we'll start again this weekend
And just keep rolling along
Baby, I... I'm so sorry.
I can't stay this weekend.
I have this stupid Random House thing,
it's tomorrow.
I couldn't get out.
I didn't know you had to go so soon
I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
I thought we had a little time
I know.
Look, whatever If you have to
Then you have to
So whatever
It's all right
We'll have tonight
Yeah...
See, the thing is, I tried to get
a plane ticket for tomorrow,
but the only ones
available were for tonight.
So... you know, I can come back
on Monday if you want.
You know what makes me crazy?
I'm sorry, can I say this?
You know what makes me nuts?
The fact that we could be together
Here together Sharing our night
Spending our time
And you are gonna choose
Someone else to be with
No, you are
I'm not... That's not true.
Yes, Jamie, that's exactly
what you're doing
You could be here with me
or be there with them
As usual guess which you pick
Baby, I have to go!
No, Jamie, you do not have to go
To another party with the same
20jerks you already know
You could stay with your wife
on her fucking birthday
And you could, God forbid,
even see my show
And I know in your soul
it must drive you crazy
That you won't get to play
with your little girlfriends
- You're being crazy!
- No, I'm not, no, I'm not!
And the point is, Jamie
That you can't spend
a single day that's not about
You and you and nothing but you
"Mahvelous" novelist, you
Isn't he wonderful? Just 28
The savior of writing
You and you and nothing but you
Miles and piles of you
Pushing through windows
and bursting through walls
En route to the sky
And I
I swear to God I'll never understand
How you can stand there
straight and tall
And see I'm crying
And not do anything at all
Yeah, hello?
Yeah, this is Jamie Wellerstein.
Oh, OK.
Sure.
Wait, who? Who told you?
Wait, wait, you...
you read my manuscript?
But how did you...
Oh, oh, yeah, Professor Adler.
No, no, no, no, that's... that's great!
That's... that's... That's really...
It's a second draft, you know.
It's... it's a work in progress,
it's getting there, though.
I'm sorry, who... Random House read it?
Oh, my... that's...
That's great. That's... Holy shit!
I'm sorry... that's...
no, no, no, no, no!
No, no. No.
OK. Yes. Yes.
Yes, I'm 23. I'm...
No, I didn't finish,
but whatever. That's...
Yes, I can meet you. New York.
Yes, I'm in New York. Yeah, I live here.
OK. Yes. I mean, I can come today.
Great. Great. Great. Great. Great.
Oh, my God. OK.
Yes, I will see you there. I am so...
...so looking... looking forward
to meeting you, Ms. Whitfield.
OK. OK. OK, Linda.
We're like friends, Linda.
Uh, OK, great. That's... that's fine.
OK, bye.
What?!
Hi.
Hey, so I was thinking
about what you said.
- Let's move in together.
- Really?!
- Jamie, what happened?
- I'll tell you later, all right?
Just find an apartment, and I love you.
I... Jamie... Jamie, wait!
Did I just hear an alarm start ringing?
Did I see sirens go flying past?
Though I don't know
what tomorrow's bringing
I've got a singular impression
Things are moving too fast
I'm gliding smooth as a figure skater
I'm riding hot as a rocket blast
I just expected it ten years later
I've got a singular impression
Things are moving too fast
And you say "Oh, no, step on the brakes
Do whatever it takes,
but stop this train
Slow, slow, the light's turning red"
But I say "No, no,
Whatever I do I barrel on through
and I don't complain"
No matter what I try
I'm flying full speed ahead
I'm never worried to walk the wire
I won't do anything just half-assed
But with the stakes
getting somewhat higher
I've got a singular impression
That things are moving too fast
I found a woman I love
And I found an agent who loves me
He's like a young Jonathan Franzen.
Things might get bumpy
But some people analyze every detail
Some people stall
when they can't see the trail
Some people freeze out of fear
that they'll fail
But I keep rolling on
Some people can't find
success with their art
Some people never feel
love in their heart
Some people can't tell
the two things apart
But I keep rolling on
Oh, oh
Maybe I can't follow through
But oh, oh
What else am I supposed to do?
Ooh
Hey, Mike, it's Cathy.
Yeah, how are you?
Um, yeah, no, just two quick things.
I'm not going to talk your ear off.
I just wanted to know if you got
the reviews that I sent you
from last summer?
Thank you. Yeah, it's really exciting.
No, the second thing was just...
...if you have anything
you want to send me in on,
I'm sort of suddenly...
free this summer,
I'm, like, available, so...
Yes.
Yeah, as soon as I'm doing something
in the city, I'll let you know.
OK. No, no, no, no, I understand.
OK, thanks.
That wasn't...
that wasn't too painful, was it?
Right. OK.
OK. Bye, Mike.
OK, ladies.
Uh... Mariah, Taylor, Rachel,
Lauren and Sophia.
Follow me to the dance audition.
And everyone else, thank you very much.
I dreamed of writing
like the high and mighty
Now I'm the subject of a bidding war
I met my personal Aphrodite
I'm doing things
I never dreamed of before
We start to take the next step together
Found an apartment on 73rd
The Atlantic Monthly's
printing my first chapter
Two thousand bucks
without rewriting one word
I left Columbia and I don't regret it
I wrote a book and Sonny Mehta read it
My heart's been stolen
My ego's swollen
I just keep rolling along
Oh
Oh, yeah
And I think "Well, well,
what else is in store?"
Got all this and more before 24
It's hard not to be sure
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm feeling panicked
and rushed and hurried
I'm feeling outmaneuvered and outclassed
But I'm so happy I can't get worried
About this singular impression
I've got a singular impression
Things are moving too fast
Hi, can I help you?
Yes, hi. I'm looking for Alise Michaels.
- Mr. Wellerstein.
- Yes.
Hey, I'm Dade, Alise's assistant.
- Let me show you the way.
- Oh, great.
- Hi.
- Hello. Hi. Jamie.
- Jamie Wellerstein.
- Alise Michaels.
It is an absolute pleasure to meet you.
- Wow, this is great.
- Have a seat.
Would you like a glass of water?
Yes. Thank you so much for having me.
Everyone in the office
is absolutely thrilled to meet you.
Everybody has been so nice,
from just walking in the door.
- Everyone's a huge fan of the book.
- This is beautiful.
- I've never even been this high up.
- It's a great office. Yes, thank you.
That's great. Thank you.
One day we're just like
Leave It To Beaver
One day it's just a typical life
And then he's off on
a trip to Jamie-land
Staring catatonic out the window
Barely even breathing all the while
And then he'll smile
His eyes light up
and deep within the ground
Without a sound
A moment comes to life
And I'm a part of that
I'm a part of that
Next day it's just like
it never happened
We're making dinners
We're making plans
Then he gets on the
mule train to Jamie-land
Handful after handful of Doritos
Circling the apartment, Logging miles
And then he smiles
His eyes light up
And how can I complain?
Yes, he's insane
But look what he can do
And I'm a part of that
I'm a part of that
And it's true
I tend to follow in his stride
Instead of side by side
I take his cue
True
But there's no question,
there's no doubt
I said I'd stick it out
And follow through
And when I do
Then he smiles
And where else can I go?
I didn't know
The rules do not apply
And then he smiles
And nothing else makes sense
While he invents
The world that's passing by
And I'm a part of that
I'm a part of that
I'm a part of that
Aren't I?
I'm a part of that
Hey. How are you doing, babe?
You did...
Not a very good day at the bar?
I'm sorry. Did you at least,
get some good tips?
Get any...
- Shit!
- Oh.
You look really nice.
Hey... are you working
on anything tonight?
- Like what?
- You know, your photos? The dress?
Like... Don't you have
an audition or something
later this week that
you need to get ready for?
- I'm not going.
- Why?
Because, I'm not going to get it.
Oh, come on, did you call
your agent or anything?
- He's on a retreat.
- Retreat?
What the hell is an agent retreat?
I don't know. They go into the woods
and sacrifice actresses
to breed more agents.
- That's frightening, Cathy.
- I don't make them do it.
Hey, no, look, I have prepared
a little surprise for you
in the form of the story.
- No, baby, please.
- Come on.
- No, I've had such a shitty day.
- No, listen...
I've literally been doing this for hours,
so you're going to sit up
for, like, five minutes and listen, OK?
You know, if I had known
there were going to be this many stories,
- I wouldn't have ever dated a writer.
- Well, too late.
You're going to like it. I promise.
It's a Christmas story.
You like Christmas.
I call it the Story of Schmuel,
the Tailor of Klimovich.
Schmuel would work till half-past ten
At his tailor shop in Klimovich
Get up at dawn and start again
With the hems and pins and twist
Are you going to touch my dress right now?
Forty-one years had come and gone
At his tailor shop in Klimovich
Watching the winters soldier on
There was one thing Schmuel missed
Are you ready for this?
"If I only had time" old Schmuel said
"I would build
the dress that's in my head
A dress to fire the mad desire
Of girls from here to Minsk
But I have no more hours left to sew"
Then the clock upon the wall
began to glow
And the clock said
"Na na na na, na na na
Oh, Schmuel you'll get to be happy
Na na na na, na na na
I give you unlimited time"
- It's a magical clock.
- I've never been more attracted to you.
"So Schmuel
Go sew and be happy"
But Schmuel said
"No, no, it's not my lot
I've gotta make do
with the time I've got
Oh, look at the time. It's time to go.
Here we go.
Why do all my things
have to come into this?
Schmuel was done at half-past ten
And he said "Good night, old Klimovich"
Put on his coat to go
But then
The clock cried
"Wait! Not yet"
Pretty good, right?
"Even though you're not wise or rich
You're the finest man in Klimovich
Listen up, Schmuel
Make one stitch
And you'll see what you get"
But Schmuel said
"Clock, it's much too late
I'm at peace with life I accept my fate"
But the clock said "Schmuel!
One stitch and you will
Unlock the dreams you've lost"
So Schmuel, with reluctance,
took his thread
He pulled a bolt of velvet and he said
"I should take out my teeth
and go to bed
I'm sitting here with talking clocks
Instead"
And the clock said
"Na na na na, na na na
Oh, Schmuel you'll get to be happy"
And then they dance.
Na na na na, na na na
No. No, thank you.
Come on!
Na na na na, na na na
"Just do it and you can be happy"
So Schmuel put the thread
through the needle's eye
And the moon stared down
from a starless sky
And he pushed the thread
through the velvet black
And he looked, and the clock
was turning back
So he grabbed his shears
and he cut some lace
As the hands reversed
on the old clock's face
And his fingers flew
and the fabric swirled
It was 9:15 all around the world
Every cut and stitch was a perfect fit
As if God Himself were controlling it
And Schmuel cried
through a rush of tears
"Take me back
Take me back all 41 years"
And on it went
Down that silent street
Till Schmuel's dress
Was at last complete
And he stretched his arms
And he closed his eyes
And the morning sun
Finally started
To rise
And the dress he made
on that endless night
Was a dress that would make
any soul take flight
Not a swatch, not a skein
had gone to waste
Every ribbon and button ideally placed
And sewn into the seams
Were 41 seasons of dreams
Dreams that you could feel
Coming real
Come on.
And that very dress so the papers swore
Was the dress a girl in Odessa wore
On the day she promised forevermore
To love a young man named Schmuel
Who only one day before
Had knocked at her kitchen door
Thank you.
That was pretty long, but it was fun.
Oh, it's not over yet.
Plenty have hoped and dreamed and prayed
But they can't get out of Klimovich
If Schmuel had been a cute goyishe maid
He'd have looked a lot like you
- Sorry, I'm Schmuel in this story!?
- Oh, yeah.
I'm not the girl from Odessa?
Maybe it's just that
you're afraid to go out
On to a limb... ovich
Maybe your heart's completely swayed
But your head can't follow through
But shouldn't I want the world to see
The brilliant girl who inspires me?
Don't you think that
now's a good time to be
The ambitious freak you are?
Say goodbye to wiping
ashtrays at the bar
Come on.
Say hello to Cathy Hiatt
A big-time star
'Cause I say
"Na na na na, na na na na
Cathy, you get to be happy
Na na na na, na na na
I give you unlimited time
Na na na na na na na
Stop temping and go, go be happy"
Here's a headshot guy
and a new Backstage
Where you're right for
something on every page
Take a breath
Take a step
Take a chance
Take your time
Have I mentioned today
How lucky I am
To be in love
With you
Hi.
I could have a mansion on a hill
I could lease a villa in Seville
But it wouldn't be as nice
as a summer in Ohio
With a gay midget named Karl
Playing Tevye and Porgy
God... Wow.
I could wander Paris after dark
Take a carriage ride
through Central Park
But it wouldn't be as nice
as a summer in Ohio
Where I'm sharing a room
with a former stripper and her snake
- I love you.
- Wayne.
Oh, my God!
I could have a satchel
Full of dollar bills
Cures for all the nation's ills
Oh!
Pills to make a lion purr
I could be in line
to be the British queen
Look like I was 17
Wow.
Still I'm certain I'd prefer
To be going slowly batty
Forty miles east of Cincinnati
I could shove an ice pick in my eye
I could eat some fish from last July
But it wouldn't be as awful
as a summer in Ohio
Without cable, hot water
Vietnamese food or you
Oh, baby, I love you.
I saw your book at a Target
In Kentucky under a sign that said
"new and recommended"
I stole a look at your
picture on the inside sleeve
And then I couldn't leave
Richard, who was with me
got uncharacteristically quiet
And he said, "All things considered,
I guess you don't have to buy it"
So I smile like Mona Lisa
and I lay my Visa down
He wants me
He wants me
But he ain't gonna get me
Damn right!
I've found my guiding light
I tell the stars each night
Look at me
Look at him
Son of a bitch,
I guess I'm doing something right
I finally got something right
No, it's not Nirvana but it's on the way
I play Anita at the matinee
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
I can state in my next bio
I'm never gonna go back to Ohio
I could chew on tin foil for a spell
I could get a root canal in hell
But it wouldn't be as swell
As this summer is gonna be
'Cause the torture is just exquisite
While I'm waiting for you to visit
So hurry up, schmuck
Get unstuck and get on the scene
Love the midget, the stripper,
Wayne the snake
and Mrs. Jamie Wellerstein
That's me
No, that one's Jerry Seinfeld
That one's John Lennon there
No, the Dakota
The San Remo is up a few blocks
Have you been inside the museum?
We should go
Meet the dinosaurs
Cathy
Will you share your life with me
For the next ten minutes?
For the next ten minutes
We can handle that
We could watch the waves
We could watch the sky
Or just sit and wait
As the time ticks by
And if we make it till then
Could I ask you again
For another ten?
And if you in turn agree
To the next ten minutes
And the next ten minutes
Till the morning comes
Then just holding you
Might compel me to
Ask you for more
There are so many lives
I want to share with you
I will never be complete
Until I do
I am not always on time
Please don't expect that from me
I will be late
But if you can just wait
I will make it eventually
Not like it's in my control
Not like I'm proud of the fact
But anything other than
being exactly on time
I can do
I don't know why people run
I don't know why things fall through
I don't know how anybody
survives in this life
Without someone like you
I could protect and preserve
I could say no and goodbye
But why, Jamie?
Why?
I want to be your wife
I want to bear your child
I want to die, knowing I
Had a long, full life
In your arms
That I can do
- Forever, with you
- Will you share your life with me?
- Forever
- For the next ten lifetimes?
- Forever, Jamie
- For a million summers?
Till the world explodes
Till there's no one left
Who has ever known us apart
There are so many dreams
I need to see with you
There are so many years
I need to be with you
I will never be complete
I will never be alive
I will never change the world
Until I do
I do
I
Do
Is that one John Lennon?
That's the San Remo?
Isn't that the museum?
Can we go see the dinosaurs?
Thank you.
Are you kidding me?
Everyone tells you that
the minute you get married
Every other woman in the world
suddenly finds you attractive
Well, that's not true
It only affects the kind of women
you always wanted to sleep with
But they wouldn't give you
the time of day before
And now they're banging down your door,
and falling to their knees
At least that's what it feels like
because you can not touch them!
In fact, you can't even look at them
Close your eyes
Close your eyes
Close your eyes
Except you're sitting there
eating your corned beef sandwich
And all of a sudden,
this pair of breasts walks by
And smiles at you and you're like,
"That's not fair"
And in a perfect world
A miracle would happen
And every other girl would fly away
And it'd be me and Cathy
and nothing else would matter
But it's fine, it's fine,
it's fine, I mean, I'm happy
And I'm fine, I'm fine
I'm fine, it's not a problem
It's just a challenge
it's a challenge to resist
Temptation
And I have to say that
what exacerbates the problem
Is I'm at these parties
I'm the center of attention
I'm the grand fromage
And here she comes
"Let's get a cup of coffee
Will you look at my manuscript?"
And I'm showing her my left hand,
I'm gesticulating with my left hand
And then, whoa! There's Cathy!
Because she knows, they always know
And there's that really awkward moment
Where I try to show
I wasn't encouraging this
Which of course I was
And I don't want to look whipped
in front of this woman
Which is dumb, I shouldn't care what
she thinks since I can't touch her anyway!
And in a perfect world,
a miracle would happen
And every girl would look like Mister Ed
And it'd be me and Cathy
and nothing else would matter
But it's fine, it's fine, it's fine
You know I love her
And it's fine, it's fine, it's fine
it's what I wanted
And I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
it's not a problem
It's just a challenge
It's a challenge to resist
Temptation
Hi, Mr. Wellerstein.
I'll let Alise know you're here.
When you come home to me
I'll wear a sweeter smile
And hope that, for a while, you'll stay
When you come home to me
Your hand will touch my face
And banish any trace of gray
Soon, a love will rise anew
Even greater than the joy I felt
Just missing you
And once again, I'll be
So proud to call you mine
When finally you come home
To me
- That was lovely.
- Really great.
- Thank you.
- Thank you. OK.
No, it went really, really well. Yeah.
No, I think I got it.
I mean, I hope. Yeah.
It's off Broadway, so...
Please, God, no more Ohio.
Um, I don't where I'm walking, actually.
You have to come find me.
I'll be there soon, Cathy
I'll finish up this chapter
and be out the door
I swear I'll be there soon, Cathy
Don't give up on me yet
I am so proud of you, baby
You're doing what you
never got to do before
And I will be there ripe and crawling
If frigging Random House stops calling
Don't lose faith
Don't get down
Don't despair
I'll be there
And in a perfect world
A miracle would happen
And that day would finally be here
And it'd be me and you
Riding it together
And the things we do
going like we planned
We're gonna make it through
And nothing else will matter
We'll be fine
We're fine
We're fine
We're fine
We're fine
We're fine, we're fine
I'll be there soon, Cathy
I swear I will
When you come home to me
I'll wear a sweeter smile
And hope that for a while you'll...
OK. Thank you.
I'm climbing uphill, Jamie
Climbing uphill
I'm up every morning at six
And standing in line with 200 girls
Who are younger and thinner than me
Who have already been to the gym
I'm waiting five hours in line
And watching the girls
just coming and going
In dresses that look just like this
Cathy Hiatt.
Until my number is finally called
When I walk in the room,
there's a table of men
Always men, usually gay
Who've been sitting like I have
and listening all day
To 200 girls belting as high as they can
I am a good person
I'm an attractive person
I am a talented person
Grant me grace
When you come home
I should have told them
I was sick last week
They're gonna think
this is the way I sing
Why is the pianist playing so loud?
Should I sing louder? I'll sing louder
Maybe I should stop and start over
I'm gonna stop and start over
Why is the director staring
at his crotch?
Why is that man staring at my resume?
Don't stare at my resume
I made up half of my resume
Look at me
Stop looking at that
Look at me
No, not at my shoes
Don't look at my shoes
I hate these stupid shoes
Why did I pick these shoes
Why did I pick this song?
Why did I pick this career?
Why?
Does this pianist hate me?
If I don't get a callback
I can go to Crate and Barrel
with mom and buy a couch
Not that I want to spend a day with mom
But Jamie needs space to write
Since I'm obviously such a horrible
Annoying distraction to him
What's he gonna
be like when we have kids?
And once again
Why am I working so hard?
These are the people who cast
Russell Crowe in a musical
Jesus Christ, I suck
I suck, I suck
When finally you come home...
Thanks. That's great.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thanks very much.
"He touched the wall
and decided he had had enough.
He was exhausted, first of all,
and he could feel it:
his lungs were throbbing and heavy,
and his left arm was stinging
from the shoulder right down to his wrist.
Besides that, seven laps in
and the water was still freezing cold,
and if he wanted to be honest
about it, he felt foolish.
A ghost-pale graceless thing
flapping about frantically,
desperately trying to keep pace
with the mermaid in the next lane.
He watched her.
He watched her back stretching,
watched how she seemed
to ride the water.
He didn't recognize the
fierceness in her brow... "
I will not be the girl stuck
at home in the 'burbs
With the baby, the dog
and a garden of herbs
I will not be the girl
in the sensible shoes
Pushing burgers and beer nuts
and missing the clues
I will not be the girl
who gets asked how it feels
To be trotting along
at the genius's heels
I will not be the girl
who requires a man to get by
And I
"He recognized her... 'I see you. '
Her clenched jaw,
her sharp turns away from him.
'You don't have to let me win,'
she had been screaming,
but he couldn't hear it at all. "
- Ouch.
- I'm so proud of you!
Beautiful. From Random House, David.
- Oh, David.
- And Kathryn Marrow.
And this is his agent, Mrs. Whitfield.
Hello. A pleasure to meet you.
Hello, hello. A pleasure to meet you.
Wasn't he wonderful?
And I've been to every one of them.
I've been to so many.
And the same thing happens, I'm basically
your waitress for the evening,
I'm bringing you drinks.
I get asked if I'm your publicist,
because everybody asks me
to take pictures of you on their phone,
and these people, they ask me
the same things every time.
"How did you and Jamie meet?
What's Jamie like?"
Baby, I'm so sorry they ask you
the same questions.
No one would notice if I didn't go.
You beg me to go and you abandon me
and I stand by the bar all night
and I'm drinking!
I'm holding my purse and I'm waiting
for somebody to come talk to me.
- You certainly don't talk to me!
- Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
God, just stop and listen to me!
Can we just, for, like, two minutes,
have a conversation without you
contradicting everything I say?
Two minutes!
And then fine, you can
say whatever you want.
OK, look, there are people...
And they are publishing my book.
And there's a party
that they are throwing.
And while you've made it very
clear that you're not going,
I will be going.
And that's done.
But what's it really about?
Is it really about a party, Cathy?
Can we please,
for a minute, stop blaming
And say what you feel?
Is it just that you're disappointed
To be going again to Ohio?
Did you think
this would all be much easier
Than it's turned out to be?
Well, then talk to me, Cathy
Talk to me
If I didn't believe in you
We'd never have gotten this far
If I didn't believe in you
And all of the 10, 000 women you are
If I didn't think you could do
Anything you ever wanted to
If I wasn't certain
that you'd come through somehow
The fact of the matter is, Cathy
I wouldn't be standing here now
If I didn't believe in you
We wouldn't be having this fight
If I didn't believe in you
I'd walk out the door
and say, "Cathy, you're right"
But I never could let that go
Knowing the things about you I know
Things, when I met you four years ago
I knew
It never took much convincing
To make me believe in you
Don't we get to be happy, Cathy?
At some point down the line
Don't we get to relax
Without some new tsuris
To push me yet further from you?
And if I'm cheering on your side, Cathy
Why can't you support mine?
Why do I have to feel
I've committed some felony
Doing what I always swore I would do?
I don't want you to hurt
Hey, hey.
I don't want you to sink
But you know what I think?
I think you'll be fine
Just hang on and you'll see
But don't make me wait till you do
to be happy with you
Will you listen to me?
No one can give you courage
No one can thicken your skin
I will not fail
so you can be comfortable, Cathy
I will not lose because you can't win
If I didn't believe in you
And, and here's where
the travelogue ends
If I didn't believe in you
I couldn't have stood
before all of our friends
And said "This is the life I choose
This is the thing I can't bear to lose
Trip us or trap us
but we refuse to fall"
That's what I thought we agreed on
Cathy
If I hadn't believed in you
I wouldn't have loved you at all
Baby...
Baby, just... just
please, put on your dress,
and we'll go to this stupid party.
And we... Can you just do
that for me, Cathy, please?
Cathy? Where are you going?
Cathy? Cathy?!
Cathy! Stop!
Uh, you know they're gonna love me.
I'm sure they will.
Come on.
Hello, Mr. Hiatt.
Uh, may I please have pre-marital sex
with your daughter? Thank you.
Oh, my God!
My best friend had a little situation
At the end of our senior year
And like a shot she and Mitchell
got married that summer
Carol Ann getting bigger every minute
Thinking "What am I doing here?"
While Mitchell's out every night
being a heavy-metal drummer
They got a little cute house
on a little cute street
With a crucifix on the door
Mitchell got a job
at a record store in the mall
Just the typical facts of a typical life
In a town on the Eastern Shore
I thought about what I wanted
It wasn't like that at all
Made Carol Ann a cute baby sweater
Thinking I can do better than that
- Ow!
- Please just drive. Please just drive!
In a year or so I moved to the city
Thinking "What have I got to lose?"
Got a room, got a cat
and got 20 pounds thinner
Met a guy in a class I was taking
with some very well placed tattoos
He wouldn't leave me alone
'less I went with him to dinner
And I guess he was cute
and I guess he was sweet
And I guess he was good in bed
I gave up my life
for a better part of a year
So I'm starting to think
that this maybe might work
And the second it entered my head
He needed to take some time off
Focus on his career
He blew me off with a heartfelt letter
I thought, "I can do better than that"
You don't have to get a haircut
You don't have to change your shoes
You don't have to like Duran Duran
Just one song!
Just love me
You don't have to put the seat down
You don't have to watch the news
You don't have to learn to tango
You don't have to eat prosciutto
You don't have to change a thing
Just stay with me
I want you and you and nothing but you
Miles and piles of you
Finally, I'll have something worthwhile
To think of each morning
You and you and nothing but you
No substitution will do
Nothing but fresh undiluted and pure
Top of the line
And totally mine
I don't need any lifetime commitments
I don't need to get hitched tonight
I don't want you to throw up
all your walls and defenses
I don't mean to put on any pressure
But I know when a thing is right
And I spend every day
reconfiguring my senses
When we get to my house
take a look at that town
Take a look at how far I've gone
I will never go back
Never look back anymore
And it feels like my life
led right to your side
And will keep me there from now on
Think about what you wanted
Think about what could be
Think about how I love you
And say you'll move in with me
Think of what's great about me and you
Think of the bullshit
we've both been through
Think of what's past
because we can do better
We can do better
We can do better than that
We can do better than that
Hey, kid
Good morning
You look like an angel
I don't remember
When we fell asleep
We should get up, kid
Cathy is waiting
Look at us, lying here
Dreaming, pretending
I made a promise
And I took a vow
I wrote a story
And we changed the ending
Cathy, just look at me now
Hold on
Facts are facts
Just relax
Lay low
All right
The panic recedes
Nobody needs
To know
Put on my armor
I'm off to Ohio
Back into battle
Till I don't know when
Swearing to her that I
Never was with you
And praying
I'll hold you again
Hold on
Clip these wings
Things get out of hand
All right
It's over It's done
No one will understand
No one will understand
We build a tree house
I keep it from shaking
Little more glue
every time that it breaks
Perfectly balanced
And then I start making
The conscious
Deliberate mistakes
All that I ask for
Is one little corner
One private room
At the back of my heart
Tell her I found one
She sends out battalions
To claim it
And blow it apart
I grip and she grips
And faster we're sliding
Sliding and spilling
And what can I do?
Come back to bed, kid
Take me inside you
I promise
I won't lie to you
Hold on
Don't cry yet
I won't let you go
All right
The panic recedes
All right
Everyone bleeds
All right
I get what I need
And nobody needs
To know
Nobody needs
To know
And since I have to be
in love with someone
Since I need to be in love with someone
Maybe I could be in love with someone
Like you
Don't kiss me goodbye again
Leave this night clean and quiet
You want the last word
You want me to laugh
But leave it for now
All you can say
All you can feel
Was wrapped up inside
that one perfect kiss
Leave it at that
I'll watch you turn the corner and go
And goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye until the next time you call
And I will be waiting
I will be waiting
Goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye till I recall how to breathe
And I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you
I stand on a precipice
I struggle to keep my balance
I open myself
I open myself one stitch at a time
Finally yes
Finally now
Finally something takes me away
Finally free
Finally he can cut through these strings
And open my wings
So goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye until my feet touch the floor
And I will be waiting I will be waiting
Goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye until the rest of my life
And I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you
Waiting for you
I called Alise to help me pack my bags
I went downtown
and closed the bank account
It's not about another shrink
It's not about another compromise
I'm not the only one who's hurting here
I don't know what the hell is left to do
You never saw how far
the crack had opened
You never knew I had run out of rope
And I could never rescue you
All you ever wanted
But I could never rescue you
No matter how I tried
All I could do
Was love you hard
And let you go
No matter how I tried
All I could do
Was love you
God, I loved you so
So we could fight
Or we could wait
- Or I could go
- Goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye until I crawl to your door
And I will be waiting
I will be waiting
You never noticed
how the wind had changed
Goodbye until tomorrow
I didn't see a way we both could win
Goodbye until I'm done thanking God
And I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you
Goodbye, Cathy
I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you
Goodbye
I will keep waiting
I will keep waiting for you
Just close the gate
I'll stand and wait
Jamie
- Goodbye
- Goodbye
Jamie's decided it's time to move on
Jamie has new dreams he's building upon
And I'm still hurting
Jamie arrived at the end of the line
Jamie's convinced
that the problems are mine
Jamie is probably feeling just fine
And I'm still hurting
What about lies, Jamie?
What about things
That you swore to be true?
What about you, Jamie?
What about you?
Jamie is sure something wonderful died
Jamie decides it's his right to decide
Jamie's got secrets he doesn't confide
And I'm still hurting
Go and hide
And run away
Run away
Run and find something better
Go and ride
The sun away
Run away
Like it's simple
Like it's right
Give me a day, Jamie
Bring back the lies
Hang them back on the wall
Maybe I'd see
How you could be
So certain that we
Had no chance
At all
Jamie is over and where can I turn?
Covered with scars I did nothing to earn
Maybe there's somewhere
a lesson to learn
But that wouldn't change the fact
That wouldn't speed the time
Once the foundation's cracked
And I'm
Still hurting
Jamie... Jamie, wait.
I'm breaking my mother's heart
The longer I stand looking at you
The more I hear it splinter and crack
From 90 miles away
I'm breaking my mother's heart
The JCC of Spring Valley is shaking
And crumbling to the ground
And my grandfather's rolling
Rolling in his grave
If you had a tattoo that wouldn't matter
If you had a shaved head
that would be cool
If you came from Spain or Japan
or the back of a van
Just as long as you're
not from Hebrew school
I'd say, "Now I'm getting somewhere!
I'm finally breaking through!"
I'd say, "Hey! Hey! Shiksa goddess!
I've been waiting for someone like you"
Oh, my God! OK, hold on. Hold on.
What's happening?
I have to... I have to take this in.
You don't understand.
I have been waiting through
Danica Schwartz and Erica Weiss
And the Handelman twins
I have been waiting through
Heather Greenblatt, Annie Mincus,
Karen Pincus and Lisa Katz
And Stacey Rosen, Ellen Kaplan,
Julie Silver and Janie Stein
I've had Shabbat dinners
on Friday nights
With every Shapiro
in Washington Heights!
But the minute I first met you
I could barely catch my breath
I've been standing for days
with the phone in my hand
Like an idiot scared to death
I've been wandering through the desert
I've been beaten I've been hit
My people have suffered
for thousands of years
And I don't give a shit
If you had a pierced tongue
that wouldn't matter
If you once were in jail
or you once were a man
If your mother and your brother
had relations with each other
And your father was connected
to the Gotti clan, I'd say,
"Well, nobody's perfect"
It's tragic but it's true
I'd say, "Hey! Hey! Shiksa goddess!
I've been waiting for someone like you"
Breaking the circle
You
Taking the light
You
You are the story I should write
I have to write!
If you drove an RV that wouldn't matter
If you like to drink blood
I think it's cute
If you've got a powerful connection
to your firearm collection
I'd say draw a bead and shoot
I'm your Hebrew slave at your service
Just tell me what to do
I'd say, "Hey, hey, hey...
I've been waiting for someone
I've been praying for someone
I think that I could be in love
With someone
Like you"
I guess I can't believe you really came
And that we're sitting on this pier
See, I'm smiling
That means I'm happy that you're here
I stole this sweater from a costume shop
It makes me look like Daisy Mae
See, we're laughing
I think we're gonna be OK
I mean, we'll have to
try a little harder
And bend things to and fro
To make this love as special
As it was five years ago
I mean you made it to Ohio
Who knows where else
We can go
I think you're really
gonna like this show
I'm pretty sure it doesn't suck
See, you're laughing
And I'm smiling
By a river in Ohio
And you're mine
We're doing fine
I think we both can see
what could be better
I'll own when I was wrong
With all we've had to go through
We'll end up twice as strong
And so we'll start again this weekend
And just keep rolling along
Baby, I... I'm so sorry.
I can't stay this weekend.
I have this stupid Random House thing,
it's tomorrow.
I couldn't get out.
I didn't know you had to go so soon
I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
I thought we had a little time
I know.
Look, whatever If you have to
Then you have to
So whatever
It's all right
We'll have tonight
Yeah...
See, the thing is, I tried to get
a plane ticket for tomorrow,
but the only ones
available were for tonight.
So... you know, I can come back
on Monday if you want.
You know what makes me crazy?
I'm sorry, can I say this?
You know what makes me nuts?
The fact that we could be together
Here together Sharing our night
Spending our time
And you are gonna choose
Someone else to be with
No, you are
I'm not... That's not true.
Yes, Jamie, that's exactly
what you're doing
You could be here with me
or be there with them
As usual guess which you pick
Baby, I have to go!
No, Jamie, you do not have to go
To another party with the same
20jerks you already know
You could stay with your wife
on her fucking birthday
And you could, God forbid,
even see my show
And I know in your soul
it must drive you crazy
That you won't get to play
with your little girlfriends
- You're being crazy!
- No, I'm not, no, I'm not!
And the point is, Jamie
That you can't spend
a single day that's not about
You and you and nothing but you
"Mahvelous" novelist, you
Isn't he wonderful? Just 28
The savior of writing
You and you and nothing but you
Miles and piles of you
Pushing through windows
and bursting through walls
En route to the sky
And I
I swear to God I'll never understand
How you can stand there
straight and tall
And see I'm crying
And not do anything at all
Yeah, hello?
Yeah, this is Jamie Wellerstein.
Oh, OK.
Sure.
Wait, who? Who told you?
Wait, wait, you...
you read my manuscript?
But how did you...
Oh, oh, yeah, Professor Adler.
No, no, no, no, that's... that's great!
That's... that's... That's really...
It's a second draft, you know.
It's... it's a work in progress,
it's getting there, though.
I'm sorry, who... Random House read it?
Oh, my... that's...
That's great. That's... Holy shit!
I'm sorry... that's...
no, no, no, no, no!
No, no. No.
OK. Yes. Yes.
Yes, I'm 23. I'm...
No, I didn't finish,
but whatever. That's...
Yes, I can meet you. New York.
Yes, I'm in New York. Yeah, I live here.
OK. Yes. I mean, I can come today.
Great. Great. Great. Great. Great.
Oh, my God. OK.
Yes, I will see you there. I am so...
...so looking... looking forward
to meeting you, Ms. Whitfield.
OK. OK. OK, Linda.
We're like friends, Linda.
Uh, OK, great. That's... that's fine.
OK, bye.
What?!
Hi.
Hey, so I was thinking
about what you said.
- Let's move in together.
- Really?!
- Jamie, what happened?
- I'll tell you later, all right?
Just find an apartment, and I love you.
I... Jamie... Jamie, wait!
Did I just hear an alarm start ringing?
Did I see sirens go flying past?
Though I don't know
what tomorrow's bringing
I've got a singular impression
Things are moving too fast
I'm gliding smooth as a figure skater
I'm riding hot as a rocket blast
I just expected it ten years later
I've got a singular impression
Things are moving too fast
And you say "Oh, no, step on the brakes
Do whatever it takes,
but stop this train
Slow, slow, the light's turning red"
But I say "No, no,
Whatever I do I barrel on through
and I don't complain"
No matter what I try
I'm flying full speed ahead
I'm never worried to walk the wire
I won't do anything just half-assed
But with the stakes
getting somewhat higher
I've got a singular impression
That things are moving too fast
I found a woman I love
And I found an agent who loves me
He's like a young Jonathan Franzen.
Things might get bumpy
But some people analyze every detail
Some people stall
when they can't see the trail
Some people freeze out of fear
that they'll fail
But I keep rolling on
Some people can't find
success with their art
Some people never feel
love in their heart
Some people can't tell
the two things apart
But I keep rolling on
Oh, oh
Maybe I can't follow through
But oh, oh
What else am I supposed to do?
Ooh
Hey, Mike, it's Cathy.
Yeah, how are you?
Um, yeah, no, just two quick things.
I'm not going to talk your ear off.
I just wanted to know if you got
the reviews that I sent you
from last summer?
Thank you. Yeah, it's really exciting.
No, the second thing was just...
...if you have anything
you want to send me in on,
I'm sort of suddenly...
free this summer,
I'm, like, available, so...
Yes.
Yeah, as soon as I'm doing something
in the city, I'll let you know.
OK. No, no, no, no, I understand.
OK, thanks.
That wasn't...
that wasn't too painful, was it?
Right. OK.
OK. Bye, Mike.
OK, ladies.
Uh... Mariah, Taylor, Rachel,
Lauren and Sophia.
Follow me to the dance audition.
And everyone else, thank you very much.
I dreamed of writing
like the high and mighty
Now I'm the subject of a bidding war
I met my personal Aphrodite
I'm doing things
I never dreamed of before
We start to take the next step together
Found an apartment on 73rd
The Atlantic Monthly's
printing my first chapter
Two thousand bucks
without rewriting one word
I left Columbia and I don't regret it
I wrote a book and Sonny Mehta read it
My heart's been stolen
My ego's swollen
I just keep rolling along
Oh
Oh, yeah
And I think "Well, well,
what else is in store?"
Got all this and more before 24
It's hard not to be sure
I'm spinning out of control
Out of control
I'm feeling panicked
and rushed and hurried
I'm feeling outmaneuvered and outclassed
But I'm so happy I can't get worried
About this singular impression
I've got a singular impression
Things are moving too fast
Hi, can I help you?
Yes, hi. I'm looking for Alise Michaels.
- Mr. Wellerstein.
- Yes.
Hey, I'm Dade, Alise's assistant.
- Let me show you the way.
- Oh, great.
- Hi.
- Hello. Hi. Jamie.
- Jamie Wellerstein.
- Alise Michaels.
It is an absolute pleasure to meet you.
- Wow, this is great.
- Have a seat.
Would you like a glass of water?
Yes. Thank you so much for having me.
Everyone in the office
is absolutely thrilled to meet you.
Everybody has been so nice,
from just walking in the door.
- Everyone's a huge fan of the book.
- This is beautiful.
- I've never even been this high up.
- It's a great office. Yes, thank you.
That's great. Thank you.
One day we're just like
Leave It To Beaver
One day it's just a typical life
And then he's off on
a trip to Jamie-land
Staring catatonic out the window
Barely even breathing all the while
And then he'll smile
His eyes light up
and deep within the ground
Without a sound
A moment comes to life
And I'm a part of that
I'm a part of that
Next day it's just like
it never happened
We're making dinners
We're making plans
Then he gets on the
mule train to Jamie-land
Handful after handful of Doritos
Circling the apartment, Logging miles
And then he smiles
His eyes light up
And how can I complain?
Yes, he's insane
But look what he can do
And I'm a part of that
I'm a part of that
And it's true
I tend to follow in his stride
Instead of side by side
I take his cue
True
But there's no question,
there's no doubt
I said I'd stick it out
And follow through
And when I do
Then he smiles
And where else can I go?
I didn't know
The rules do not apply
And then he smiles
And nothing else makes sense
While he invents
The world that's passing by
And I'm a part of that
I'm a part of that
I'm a part of that
Aren't I?
I'm a part of that
Hey. How are you doing, babe?
You did...
Not a very good day at the bar?
I'm sorry. Did you at least,
get some good tips?
Get any...
- Shit!
- Oh.
You look really nice.
Hey... are you working
on anything tonight?
- Like what?
- You know, your photos? The dress?
Like... Don't you have
an audition or something
later this week that
you need to get ready for?
- I'm not going.
- Why?
Because, I'm not going to get it.
Oh, come on, did you call
your agent or anything?
- He's on a retreat.
- Retreat?
What the hell is an agent retreat?
I don't know. They go into the woods
and sacrifice actresses
to breed more agents.
- That's frightening, Cathy.
- I don't make them do it.
Hey, no, look, I have prepared
a little surprise for you
in the form of the story.
- No, baby, please.
- Come on.
- No, I've had such a shitty day.
- No, listen...
I've literally been doing this for hours,
so you're going to sit up
for, like, five minutes and listen, OK?
You know, if I had known
there were going to be this many stories,
- I wouldn't have ever dated a writer.
- Well, too late.
You're going to like it. I promise.
It's a Christmas story.
You like Christmas.
I call it the Story of Schmuel,
the Tailor of Klimovich.
Schmuel would work till half-past ten
At his tailor shop in Klimovich
Get up at dawn and start again
With the hems and pins and twist
Are you going to touch my dress right now?
Forty-one years had come and gone
At his tailor shop in Klimovich
Watching the winters soldier on
There was one thing Schmuel missed
Are you ready for this?
"If I only had time" old Schmuel said
"I would build
the dress that's in my head
A dress to fire the mad desire
Of girls from here to Minsk
But I have no more hours left to sew"
Then the clock upon the wall
began to glow
And the clock said
"Na na na na, na na na
Oh, Schmuel you'll get to be happy
Na na na na, na na na
I give you unlimited time"
- It's a magical clock.
- I've never been more attracted to you.
"So Schmuel
Go sew and be happy"
But Schmuel said
"No, no, it's not my lot
I've gotta make do
with the time I've got
Oh, look at the time. It's time to go.
Here we go.
Why do all my things
have to come into this?
Schmuel was done at half-past ten
And he said "Good night, old Klimovich"
Put on his coat to go
But then
The clock cried
"Wait! Not yet"
Pretty good, right?
"Even though you're not wise or rich
You're the finest man in Klimovich
Listen up, Schmuel
Make one stitch
And you'll see what you get"
But Schmuel said
"Clock, it's much too late
I'm at peace with life I accept my fate"
But the clock said "Schmuel!
One stitch and you will
Unlock the dreams you've lost"
So Schmuel, with reluctance,
took his thread
He pulled a bolt of velvet and he said
"I should take out my teeth
and go to bed
I'm sitting here with talking clocks
Instead"
And the clock said
"Na na na na, na na na
Oh, Schmuel you'll get to be happy"
And then they dance.
Na na na na, na na na
No. No, thank you.
Come on!
Na na na na, na na na
"Just do it and you can be happy"
So Schmuel put the thread
through the needle's eye
And the moon stared down
from a starless sky
And he pushed the thread
through the velvet black
And he looked, and the clock
was turning back
So he grabbed his shears
and he cut some lace
As the hands reversed
on the old clock's face
And his fingers flew
and the fabric swirled
It was 9:15 all around the world
Every cut and stitch was a perfect fit
As if God Himself were controlling it
And Schmuel cried
through a rush of tears
"Take me back
Take me back all 41 years"
And on it went
Down that silent street
Till Schmuel's dress
Was at last complete
And he stretched his arms
And he closed his eyes
And the morning sun
Finally started
To rise
And the dress he made
on that endless night
Was a dress that would make
any soul take flight
Not a swatch, not a skein
had gone to waste
Every ribbon and button ideally placed
And sewn into the seams
Were 41 seasons of dreams
Dreams that you could feel
Coming real
Come on.
And that very dress so the papers swore
Was the dress a girl in Odessa wore
On the day she promised forevermore
To love a young man named Schmuel
Who only one day before
Had knocked at her kitchen door
Thank you.
That was pretty long, but it was fun.
Oh, it's not over yet.
Plenty have hoped and dreamed and prayed
But they can't get out of Klimovich
If Schmuel had been a cute goyishe maid
He'd have looked a lot like you
- Sorry, I'm Schmuel in this story!?
- Oh, yeah.
I'm not the girl from Odessa?
Maybe it's just that
you're afraid to go out
On to a limb... ovich
Maybe your heart's completely swayed
But your head can't follow through
But shouldn't I want the world to see
The brilliant girl who inspires me?
Don't you think that
now's a good time to be
The ambitious freak you are?
Say goodbye to wiping
ashtrays at the bar
Come on.
Say hello to Cathy Hiatt
A big-time star
'Cause I say
"Na na na na, na na na na
Cathy, you get to be happy
Na na na na, na na na
I give you unlimited time
Na na na na na na na
Stop temping and go, go be happy"
Here's a headshot guy
and a new Backstage
Where you're right for
something on every page
Take a breath
Take a step
Take a chance
Take your time
Have I mentioned today
How lucky I am
To be in love
With you
Hi.
I could have a mansion on a hill
I could lease a villa in Seville
But it wouldn't be as nice
as a summer in Ohio
With a gay midget named Karl
Playing Tevye and Porgy
God... Wow.
I could wander Paris after dark
Take a carriage ride
through Central Park
But it wouldn't be as nice
as a summer in Ohio
Where I'm sharing a room
with a former stripper and her snake
- I love you.
- Wayne.
Oh, my God!
I could have a satchel
Full of dollar bills
Cures for all the nation's ills
Oh!
Pills to make a lion purr
I could be in line
to be the British queen
Look like I was 17
Wow.
Still I'm certain I'd prefer
To be going slowly batty
Forty miles east of Cincinnati
I could shove an ice pick in my eye
I could eat some fish from last July
But it wouldn't be as awful
as a summer in Ohio
Without cable, hot water
Vietnamese food or you
Oh, baby, I love you.
I saw your book at a Target
In Kentucky under a sign that said
"new and recommended"
I stole a look at your
picture on the inside sleeve
And then I couldn't leave
Richard, who was with me
got uncharacteristically quiet
And he said, "All things considered,
I guess you don't have to buy it"
So I smile like Mona Lisa
and I lay my Visa down
He wants me
He wants me
But he ain't gonna get me
Damn right!
I've found my guiding light
I tell the stars each night
Look at me
Look at him
Son of a bitch,
I guess I'm doing something right
I finally got something right
No, it's not Nirvana but it's on the way
I play Anita at the matinee
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
I can state in my next bio
I'm never gonna go back to Ohio
I could chew on tin foil for a spell
I could get a root canal in hell
But it wouldn't be as swell
As this summer is gonna be
'Cause the torture is just exquisite
While I'm waiting for you to visit
So hurry up, schmuck
Get unstuck and get on the scene
Love the midget, the stripper,
Wayne the snake
and Mrs. Jamie Wellerstein
That's me
No, that one's Jerry Seinfeld
That one's John Lennon there
No, the Dakota
The San Remo is up a few blocks
Have you been inside the museum?
We should go
Meet the dinosaurs
Cathy
Will you share your life with me
For the next ten minutes?
For the next ten minutes
We can handle that
We could watch the waves
We could watch the sky
Or just sit and wait
As the time ticks by
And if we make it till then
Could I ask you again
For another ten?
And if you in turn agree
To the next ten minutes
And the next ten minutes
Till the morning comes
Then just holding you
Might compel me to
Ask you for more
There are so many lives
I want to share with you
I will never be complete
Until I do
I am not always on time
Please don't expect that from me
I will be late
But if you can just wait
I will make it eventually
Not like it's in my control
Not like I'm proud of the fact
But anything other than
being exactly on time
I can do
I don't know why people run
I don't know why things fall through
I don't know how anybody
survives in this life
Without someone like you
I could protect and preserve
I could say no and goodbye
But why, Jamie?
Why?
I want to be your wife
I want to bear your child
I want to die, knowing I
Had a long, full life
In your arms
That I can do
- Forever, with you
- Will you share your life with me?
- Forever
- For the next ten lifetimes?
- Forever, Jamie
- For a million summers?
Till the world explodes
Till there's no one left
Who has ever known us apart
There are so many dreams
I need to see with you
There are so many years
I need to be with you
I will never be complete
I will never be alive
I will never change the world
Until I do
I do
I
Do
Is that one John Lennon?
That's the San Remo?
Isn't that the museum?
Can we go see the dinosaurs?
Thank you.
Are you kidding me?
Everyone tells you that
the minute you get married
Every other woman in the world
suddenly finds you attractive
Well, that's not true
It only affects the kind of women
you always wanted to sleep with
But they wouldn't give you
the time of day before
And now they're banging down your door,
and falling to their knees
At least that's what it feels like
because you can not touch them!
In fact, you can't even look at them
Close your eyes
Close your eyes
Close your eyes
Except you're sitting there
eating your corned beef sandwich
And all of a sudden,
this pair of breasts walks by
And smiles at you and you're like,
"That's not fair"
And in a perfect world
A miracle would happen
And every other girl would fly away
And it'd be me and Cathy
and nothing else would matter
But it's fine, it's fine,
it's fine, I mean, I'm happy
And I'm fine, I'm fine
I'm fine, it's not a problem
It's just a challenge
it's a challenge to resist
Temptation
And I have to say that
what exacerbates the problem
Is I'm at these parties
I'm the center of attention
I'm the grand fromage
And here she comes
"Let's get a cup of coffee
Will you look at my manuscript?"
And I'm showing her my left hand,
I'm gesticulating with my left hand
And then, whoa! There's Cathy!
Because she knows, they always know
And there's that really awkward moment
Where I try to show
I wasn't encouraging this
Which of course I was
And I don't want to look whipped
in front of this woman
Which is dumb, I shouldn't care what
she thinks since I can't touch her anyway!
And in a perfect world,
a miracle would happen
And every girl would look like Mister Ed
And it'd be me and Cathy
and nothing else would matter
But it's fine, it's fine, it's fine
You know I love her
And it's fine, it's fine, it's fine
it's what I wanted
And I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
it's not a problem
It's just a challenge
It's a challenge to resist
Temptation
Hi, Mr. Wellerstein.
I'll let Alise know you're here.
When you come home to me
I'll wear a sweeter smile
And hope that, for a while, you'll stay
When you come home to me
Your hand will touch my face
And banish any trace of gray
Soon, a love will rise anew
Even greater than the joy I felt
Just missing you
And once again, I'll be
So proud to call you mine
When finally you come home
To me
- That was lovely.
- Really great.
- Thank you.
- Thank you. OK.
No, it went really, really well. Yeah.
No, I think I got it.
I mean, I hope. Yeah.
It's off Broadway, so...
Please, God, no more Ohio.
Um, I don't where I'm walking, actually.
You have to come find me.
I'll be there soon, Cathy
I'll finish up this chapter
and be out the door
I swear I'll be there soon, Cathy
Don't give up on me yet
I am so proud of you, baby
You're doing what you
never got to do before
And I will be there ripe and crawling
If frigging Random House stops calling
Don't lose faith
Don't get down
Don't despair
I'll be there
And in a perfect world
A miracle would happen
And that day would finally be here
And it'd be me and you
Riding it together
And the things we do
going like we planned
We're gonna make it through
And nothing else will matter
We'll be fine
We're fine
We're fine
We're fine
We're fine
We're fine, we're fine
I'll be there soon, Cathy
I swear I will
When you come home to me
I'll wear a sweeter smile
And hope that for a while you'll...
OK. Thank you.
I'm climbing uphill, Jamie
Climbing uphill
I'm up every morning at six
And standing in line with 200 girls
Who are younger and thinner than me
Who have already been to the gym
I'm waiting five hours in line
And watching the girls
just coming and going
In dresses that look just like this
Cathy Hiatt.
Until my number is finally called
When I walk in the room,
there's a table of men
Always men, usually gay
Who've been sitting like I have
and listening all day
To 200 girls belting as high as they can
I am a good person
I'm an attractive person
I am a talented person
Grant me grace
When you come home
I should have told them
I was sick last week
They're gonna think
this is the way I sing
Why is the pianist playing so loud?
Should I sing louder? I'll sing louder
Maybe I should stop and start over
I'm gonna stop and start over
Why is the director staring
at his crotch?
Why is that man staring at my resume?
Don't stare at my resume
I made up half of my resume
Look at me
Stop looking at that
Look at me
No, not at my shoes
Don't look at my shoes
I hate these stupid shoes
Why did I pick these shoes
Why did I pick this song?
Why did I pick this career?
Why?
Does this pianist hate me?
If I don't get a callback
I can go to Crate and Barrel
with mom and buy a couch
Not that I want to spend a day with mom
But Jamie needs space to write
Since I'm obviously such a horrible
Annoying distraction to him
What's he gonna
be like when we have kids?
And once again
Why am I working so hard?
These are the people who cast
Russell Crowe in a musical
Jesus Christ, I suck
I suck, I suck
When finally you come home...
Thanks. That's great.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you. Thanks very much.
"He touched the wall
and decided he had had enough.
He was exhausted, first of all,
and he could feel it:
his lungs were throbbing and heavy,
and his left arm was stinging
from the shoulder right down to his wrist.
Besides that, seven laps in
and the water was still freezing cold,
and if he wanted to be honest
about it, he felt foolish.
A ghost-pale graceless thing
flapping about frantically,
desperately trying to keep pace
with the mermaid in the next lane.
He watched her.
He watched her back stretching,
watched how she seemed
to ride the water.
He didn't recognize the
fierceness in her brow... "
I will not be the girl stuck
at home in the 'burbs
With the baby, the dog
and a garden of herbs
I will not be the girl
in the sensible shoes
Pushing burgers and beer nuts
and missing the clues
I will not be the girl
who gets asked how it feels
To be trotting along
at the genius's heels
I will not be the girl
who requires a man to get by
And I
"He recognized her... 'I see you. '
Her clenched jaw,
her sharp turns away from him.
'You don't have to let me win,'
she had been screaming,
but he couldn't hear it at all. "
- Ouch.
- I'm so proud of you!
Beautiful. From Random House, David.
- Oh, David.
- And Kathryn Marrow.
And this is his agent, Mrs. Whitfield.
Hello. A pleasure to meet you.
Hello, hello. A pleasure to meet you.
Wasn't he wonderful?
And I've been to every one of them.
I've been to so many.
And the same thing happens, I'm basically
your waitress for the evening,
I'm bringing you drinks.
I get asked if I'm your publicist,
because everybody asks me
to take pictures of you on their phone,
and these people, they ask me
the same things every time.
"How did you and Jamie meet?
What's Jamie like?"
Baby, I'm so sorry they ask you
the same questions.
No one would notice if I didn't go.
You beg me to go and you abandon me
and I stand by the bar all night
and I'm drinking!
I'm holding my purse and I'm waiting
for somebody to come talk to me.
- You certainly don't talk to me!
- Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
God, just stop and listen to me!
Can we just, for, like, two minutes,
have a conversation without you
contradicting everything I say?
Two minutes!
And then fine, you can
say whatever you want.
OK, look, there are people...
And they are publishing my book.
And there's a party
that they are throwing.
And while you've made it very
clear that you're not going,
I will be going.
And that's done.
But what's it really about?
Is it really about a party, Cathy?
Can we please,
for a minute, stop blaming
And say what you feel?
Is it just that you're disappointed
To be going again to Ohio?
Did you think
this would all be much easier
Than it's turned out to be?
Well, then talk to me, Cathy
Talk to me
If I didn't believe in you
We'd never have gotten this far
If I didn't believe in you
And all of the 10, 000 women you are
If I didn't think you could do
Anything you ever wanted to
If I wasn't certain
that you'd come through somehow
The fact of the matter is, Cathy
I wouldn't be standing here now
If I didn't believe in you
We wouldn't be having this fight
If I didn't believe in you
I'd walk out the door
and say, "Cathy, you're right"
But I never could let that go
Knowing the things about you I know
Things, when I met you four years ago
I knew
It never took much convincing
To make me believe in you
Don't we get to be happy, Cathy?
At some point down the line
Don't we get to relax
Without some new tsuris
To push me yet further from you?
And if I'm cheering on your side, Cathy
Why can't you support mine?
Why do I have to feel
I've committed some felony
Doing what I always swore I would do?
I don't want you to hurt
Hey, hey.
I don't want you to sink
But you know what I think?
I think you'll be fine
Just hang on and you'll see
But don't make me wait till you do
to be happy with you
Will you listen to me?
No one can give you courage
No one can thicken your skin
I will not fail
so you can be comfortable, Cathy
I will not lose because you can't win
If I didn't believe in you
And, and here's where
the travelogue ends
If I didn't believe in you
I couldn't have stood
before all of our friends
And said "This is the life I choose
This is the thing I can't bear to lose
Trip us or trap us
but we refuse to fall"
That's what I thought we agreed on
Cathy
If I hadn't believed in you
I wouldn't have loved you at all
Baby...
Baby, just... just
please, put on your dress,
and we'll go to this stupid party.
And we... Can you just do
that for me, Cathy, please?
Cathy? Where are you going?
Cathy? Cathy?!
Cathy! Stop!
Uh, you know they're gonna love me.
I'm sure they will.
Come on.
Hello, Mr. Hiatt.
Uh, may I please have pre-marital sex
with your daughter? Thank you.
Oh, my God!
My best friend had a little situation
At the end of our senior year
And like a shot she and Mitchell
got married that summer
Carol Ann getting bigger every minute
Thinking "What am I doing here?"
While Mitchell's out every night
being a heavy-metal drummer
They got a little cute house
on a little cute street
With a crucifix on the door
Mitchell got a job
at a record store in the mall
Just the typical facts of a typical life
In a town on the Eastern Shore
I thought about what I wanted
It wasn't like that at all
Made Carol Ann a cute baby sweater
Thinking I can do better than that
- Ow!
- Please just drive. Please just drive!
In a year or so I moved to the city
Thinking "What have I got to lose?"
Got a room, got a cat
and got 20 pounds thinner
Met a guy in a class I was taking
with some very well placed tattoos
He wouldn't leave me alone
'less I went with him to dinner
And I guess he was cute
and I guess he was sweet
And I guess he was good in bed
I gave up my life
for a better part of a year
So I'm starting to think
that this maybe might work
And the second it entered my head
He needed to take some time off
Focus on his career
He blew me off with a heartfelt letter
I thought, "I can do better than that"
You don't have to get a haircut
You don't have to change your shoes
You don't have to like Duran Duran
Just one song!
Just love me
You don't have to put the seat down
You don't have to watch the news
You don't have to learn to tango
You don't have to eat prosciutto
You don't have to change a thing
Just stay with me
I want you and you and nothing but you
Miles and piles of you
Finally, I'll have something worthwhile
To think of each morning
You and you and nothing but you
No substitution will do
Nothing but fresh undiluted and pure
Top of the line
And totally mine
I don't need any lifetime commitments
I don't need to get hitched tonight
I don't want you to throw up
all your walls and defenses
I don't mean to put on any pressure
But I know when a thing is right
And I spend every day
reconfiguring my senses
When we get to my house
take a look at that town
Take a look at how far I've gone
I will never go back
Never look back anymore
And it feels like my life
led right to your side
And will keep me there from now on
Think about what you wanted
Think about what could be
Think about how I love you
And say you'll move in with me
Think of what's great about me and you
Think of the bullshit
we've both been through
Think of what's past
because we can do better
We can do better
We can do better than that
We can do better than that
Hey, kid
Good morning
You look like an angel
I don't remember
When we fell asleep
We should get up, kid
Cathy is waiting
Look at us, lying here
Dreaming, pretending
I made a promise
And I took a vow
I wrote a story
And we changed the ending
Cathy, just look at me now
Hold on
Facts are facts
Just relax
Lay low
All right
The panic recedes
Nobody needs
To know
Put on my armor
I'm off to Ohio
Back into battle
Till I don't know when
Swearing to her that I
Never was with you
And praying
I'll hold you again
Hold on
Clip these wings
Things get out of hand
All right
It's over It's done
No one will understand
No one will understand
We build a tree house
I keep it from shaking
Little more glue
every time that it breaks
Perfectly balanced
And then I start making
The conscious
Deliberate mistakes
All that I ask for
Is one little corner
One private room
At the back of my heart
Tell her I found one
She sends out battalions
To claim it
And blow it apart
I grip and she grips
And faster we're sliding
Sliding and spilling
And what can I do?
Come back to bed, kid
Take me inside you
I promise
I won't lie to you
Hold on
Don't cry yet
I won't let you go
All right
The panic recedes
All right
Everyone bleeds
All right
I get what I need
And nobody needs
To know
Nobody needs
To know
And since I have to be
in love with someone
Since I need to be in love with someone
Maybe I could be in love with someone
Like you
Don't kiss me goodbye again
Leave this night clean and quiet
You want the last word
You want me to laugh
But leave it for now
All you can say
All you can feel
Was wrapped up inside
that one perfect kiss
Leave it at that
I'll watch you turn the corner and go
And goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye until the next time you call
And I will be waiting
I will be waiting
Goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye till I recall how to breathe
And I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you
I stand on a precipice
I struggle to keep my balance
I open myself
I open myself one stitch at a time
Finally yes
Finally now
Finally something takes me away
Finally free
Finally he can cut through these strings
And open my wings
So goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye until my feet touch the floor
And I will be waiting I will be waiting
Goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye until the rest of my life
And I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you
Waiting for you
I called Alise to help me pack my bags
I went downtown
and closed the bank account
It's not about another shrink
It's not about another compromise
I'm not the only one who's hurting here
I don't know what the hell is left to do
You never saw how far
the crack had opened
You never knew I had run out of rope
And I could never rescue you
All you ever wanted
But I could never rescue you
No matter how I tried
All I could do
Was love you hard
And let you go
No matter how I tried
All I could do
Was love you
God, I loved you so
So we could fight
Or we could wait
- Or I could go
- Goodbye until tomorrow
Goodbye until I crawl to your door
And I will be waiting
I will be waiting
You never noticed
how the wind had changed
Goodbye until tomorrow
I didn't see a way we both could win
Goodbye until I'm done thanking God
And I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you
Goodbye, Cathy
I have been waiting
I have been waiting for you
Goodbye
I will keep waiting
I will keep waiting for you
Just close the gate
I'll stand and wait
Jamie
- Goodbye
- Goodbye