The Lego Star Wars Holiday Special (2020) Movie Script
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
YODA: Destroyed, the First Order was.
-Eliminated, were the Sith.
-(STORMTROOPER GRUNTS)
Across the galaxy, peace had spread.
With freedom restored,
Life Day could once again be celebrated.
What is Life Day, you ask?
A holiday of friendship,
of family, of connection.
To Kashyyyk, Rey and her friends traveled,
to celebrate with Chewbacca
and his family.
Although, for Rey and Finn,
the celebration would wait.
(EXHALES)
Ow!
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
It's all right, Finn, I believe in you.
Just concentrate.
Well, it's kinda hard with them,
you know, looking at me.
(PORGS COOING)
There, no more Porgs.
Now remember,
be mindful of your surroundings,
feel the remote.
Can you feel it?
-FINN: (YELPS) No, but I felt that.
-(PORGS LAUGHING)
Finn, I know the Force is strong with you.
I sense it. Remember, a Jedi...
FINN: Must let go.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
-(YELLING)
-(PORGS GIBBER)
Finn! No! No! That's not letting go. Whoa!
(FINN YELLING)
(YELPS)
(GROWLS AND YELLS)
Oh, yeah! (HUMMING) Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
Ow!
Oh, come on!
I don't understand.
This is everything
I'm supposed to be doing.
(SIGHS)
Are you sure I'm ready to become a Jedi?
Hand me the lightsaber.
(SIGHS) Guess not.
The Jedi texts say
that when we travel down a wrong path,
we must search for another.
A wood lightsaber? Seriously?
No, a new path.
Ow! The new path gave me a splinter.
(GROANS)
What am I doing wrong?
Lightsabers down, you two,
we've got a Life Day party to set up.
Chewie's entire family is coming.
And if there's one thing
Wookiees love, it's...
Well, it's ripping arms off things,
but if there's two things they love,
it's arm ripping and parties!
Finn, can I put you down
for decorating duty?
Sure. I need a break.
And, Rey, you're in too, right?
You volunteered to roast the tip-yip.
REY: Mmm-hmm. Tip-yip.
You think she's in?
Ah, yeah, she's in.
YODA:
Unsatisfied with her teaching, Rey was.
To the Jedi texts, she went for answers.
Did that. Did that.
Did that.
(SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION) That too.
I followed every teaching.
Argh! What am I missing?
Why can't I train him?
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
(BOOK THUDS)
(GASPS)
All right, people,
Chewie's family is on their way.
We've got a lot o' work
and not a lot o' time.
(BB-8 BEEPING)
Guys, look what I found!
Tip-yip recipe?
"In the temple on Kordoku,
only on Life Day,
"but once a year,
"with a key to the galaxy's past,
a Jedi's future becomes clear."
(BB-8 BEEPING)
-So, not a tip-yip recipe.
-(ROARS)
Yeah, what does that mean?
I think it means I need to go to Kordoku.
To help me. You. Us. With your training.
Put the book down, Rey.
We can figure it all out tomorrow.
Even Jedi Masters deserve a day off.
Life Day is today.
I'm afraid I have to go now.
-Now?
-ROSE: What?
(ROARS)
Chewie's right. You can't leave.
-I'm sorry.
-(R2-D2 BEEPS)
But I'm sure one of you
can make the tip-yip.
Life Day is about family.
It's not about the tip-yip.
Oh, it's all about the tip-yip.
But yeah, family.
I won't miss the party. I promise.
(BB-8 BEEPING)
-Aw, no. You're leavin' too, buddy?
-(BEEPING)
D-O: Don't leave.
He left. I miss my friend.
Yeah, I already miss him too.
Are you crying?
No. It's allergies.
Stupid Wookiee planet.
All fur and tree pollen.
Besides, Generals don't cry.
Exactly. They lead.
Uh-oh.
He's getting the look.
We're only in trouble
if he says, "I have a plan."
I have a plan!
We're not just going to put on a party.
We're going to put on
the greatest Life Day party
in the history of the galaxy!
You guys, decorate.
I'll handle the tip-yip.
Have you ever made tip-yip?
No, I have not.
Rey! Wait! You're not leavin'
because of me, are you?
No, Finn, because of me.
I know I can become a Jedi.
Which is why I have to go.
(SIGHS) So, you are leaving because of me.
Rey, may the Force be...
You know the rest.
YODA: At Kordoku, Rey had arrived.
But difficult to find, the temple was.
(BEEPING)
It has to be here somewhere.
(GASPS)
Pull up! Pull up!
-Pull up, pull up, pull up, pull up!
-(BEEPING)
Whoa!
I think we found it.
(BB-8 BEEPING)
You can say that again.
(BB-8 BEEPING)
Wow.
This is beautiful.
(BEEPING)
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
(BEEPING)
"With a key to the galaxy's past."
This has got to be the key.
But what does it open?
(BEEPING)
"With a key to the galaxy's..."
What is it?
(BEEPING)
-Hmm.
-(BEEPING)
(GASPS)
(BEEPING)
(BEEPING)
I think this opened
some sort of Force gateway to...
Whoa!
(GRUNTS)
(BEEPS)
Where are we?
-(LUKE GRUNTING)
-(GASPS)
YODA: Now the rock. Concentrate.
That's Master Luke.
And that must be... Yoda!
Somehow, we're on Dagobah when
Luke Skywalker received his training.
Can you imagine
the profound Jedi wisdom they're sharing?
Master Yoda? The blood is
really starting to rush to my head.
-Concentrate, young Skywalker.
-(BEEPING)
Concentrate!
(LUKE GRUNTING)
Master and apprentice. Hmm.
Maybe I could learn something from this.
You want me to lift my X-wing
out of the swamp?
With only the Force? All right, I'll try.
No. Do or do not. There is no try.
Isn't trying, like, a good thing?
Participation trophies for Jedi,
there are not.
(GRUNTING)
(R2-D2 BEEPING)
(SEA MONSTER GROWLING)
-(BEEPING)
-(SHUSHING)
(BEEPING)
Cut it out! I'm trying to learn here.
-Oh! (GRUNTING)
-(BB-8 BEEPING)
Learning can wait!
It's just like the Jedi text said.
"With a key to the galaxy's past,
a Jedi's future becomes clear."
This is how I learn to train Finn,
by watching other Jedi Masters
train their students. Come on!
It's like Master Yoda said,
"Do or do not." And I'm gonna do.
(BEEPS)
Ugh! Bored. Bored.
Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.
Who cares about a trade dispute?
Jedi do not seek adventure.
I understand.
It's just that it's not very...
QUI-GON: Gas!
OBI-WAN: Now this is more like it!
Focus, Obi-Wan.
Hurry, BB-8.
OBI-WAN: Focus, Anakin.
I know you're eager to see Padm again,
but we're on a mission.
I am focused, Master.
Follow my example and be mindful, Anakin.
A Jedi must have complete awareness
of their surroundings.
It's Obi-Wan Kenobi
training Anakin Skywalker!
-(BEEPS)
-No, they didn't see me.
Hello, there.
(CHUCKLES)
-Hi.
-(BEEPING)
Artoo, try and lock...
-(GRUNTS)
-Sorry. Oh, Master Luke!
What're you doing? I'm tryin' to aim here.
OBI-WAN: Use the Force, Luke.
Obi-Wan Kenobi!
You're blocking my targeting computer.
-REY: Stop!
-LUKE: Ow! Get off!
-You move it.
-LUKE: Move your head!
(OBI-WAN CLEARS THROAT)
Use the Force, Luke.
(BEEPING)
-Huh?
-Listen to your Master, use the Force!
DARTH VADER: I have you now.
-Wha...
-Yoo-hoo!
PILOT: Look out!
You're all clear, kid.
Now let's blow this thing and go home.
(SIGHS) Thank you?
HAN: You're welcome.
(GRUNTS)
(GASPING)
We just saw Luke Skywalker
blow up the Death Star.
No, wait, technically we helped
Luke Skywalker blow up the Death Star!
Master and apprentice! So cool!
-(BEEPING)
-Best Life Day ever!
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
YODA: On the Millennium Falcon,
beginning to feel like Life Day it was.
Decorations, check. Lights, check.
Ice sculpture...
-(PORGS GIBBER)
-(R2-D2 BEEPING)
In progress.
Oh, Chewie, we still need a tree.
Finn and I will clean up this mess.
(ROARS)
You know how Rey said
we wouldn't notice she was gone?
Yeah, I notice.
(ALARM BLARING)
Full thrust, Threepio!
What are you doing?
Engine thruster roasting.
Cooks super fast.
(COUGHING)
(CHUCKLES) Disaster averted.
-(PORGS GIBBERING)
-(CHEWBACCA ROARS)
Amazing! We've seen my Master!
My Master's Master!
My Master's father.
My Master's father's Master...
Where are you going?
(GIBBERING)
But there's so much more to see.
To pass on to Finn.
(BEEPING)
We'll be back in plenty o' time
for the party. I promise.
Okay, okay.
Just one more Master and apprentice?
For me? For Finn?
(BEEPS)
I've got a good feeling about this.
YODA: Though she did not know it,
fraught with peril, Rey's quest was.
Soon the Rebels will arrive
and fall into my trap.
By the time they discover Death Star Two
is fully operational, it will be too late.
They will be destroyed,
and I shall rule the galaxy for eternity.
I sense you disagree, Lord Vader.
No, it's just...
"Death Star Two" feels kind of derivative.
Mmm-hmm.
Then I suppose you have a better name?
How about "Starkiller Base"?
(SCOFFS)
That's the stupidest name I've ever heard.
Anyhoo, not sure you remembered,
but it's Life Day.
I got you something
you're really gonna like.
Ooh!
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (LAUGHING)
"Galaxy's Best Emperor"?
Of course, I'm the galaxy's best Emperor!
I'm the galaxy's only Emperor! Meh!
(BEEPING)
This is so not what I had in mind.
I heard something!
Let's get out of here.
Hey! I had to hit every gift shop
on Batuu to find you that.
Forget the mug.
Whatever made this must be very powerful.
-Me want-y! You get-y.
-Whoa!
(BEEPS)
You were right. We should go home.
Can you imagine if those two had seen us?
-That would've been...
-(DARTH VADER BREATHES HEAVILY)
Not good.
YODA: Hurrying to finish
setting up the party, our heroes were.
Soon to arrive, Chewbacca's family was.
Looking good. Tree. Food. Decorations.
Oh! I almost forgot music.
(D-O PLAYING MUSIC)
(SCATTING)
It is on.
(ROARING)
Welcome, everyone! Gifts go under the tree
and there's food over there.
-(ROARING)
-(GIBBERS)
(BOTH BEEPING)
(ROARING)
This is not going well.
If this party gets any worse,
Poe's gonna start losin' arms.
Who's up for party games?
(ROARING)
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
BOTH: Distress signal!
(REY GRUNTS)
DARTH VADER: All too easy.
Now I have the, uh...
-What is this thing?
-(BEEPS)
REY: Give that back!
DARTH VADER: You are a Jedi?
That's right.
(GRUNTS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Huh?
(REY YELLS)
(BEEPS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Impressive. I almost feel bad
having to destroy you.
Almost.
(DARTH VADER BREATHING HEAVILY)
What are you doing? Follow me.
SNOWTROOPER: But you're right there.
That's not me!
Sure looks like you.
Helmet, chest buttons, heavy breathing.
We are invading the Rebel base.
Forget the base. Stop the girl.
You dare contradict me?
I'm in charge here.
No, I'm in charge!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Who do you think you are?
-I'm you!
-No, you're me.
Any idea what the protocol is here?
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Impressive.
Most impressive.
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)
BOTH: You are me.
-BOTH: Destroy her.
-(GRUNTS)
(YELLS)
(REY AND DARTH VADER GRUNT)
SNOWTROOPER: Lord Vader!
DARTH VADER: That was weird. Come on.
I hate you, Obi-Wan!
Careful, Anakin. Anger leads to hate,
and hate leads to...
I know what it leads to!
(SNOWTROOPERS SCREAM AND GRUNT)
I have it! Lord Vader, I have it!
DARTH VADER: Wha...
(COOING)
-DARTH VADER: Aw!
-So cute.
(ALL SCREAMING)
FODE: ...the start of the third
and final lap, Sebulba's in the lead,
followed closely by Skywalker!
They're side by side.
(SCREAMS)
SNOWTROOPER: Whoa!
FODE: I don't care what universe
you're from, that's gotta hurt!
CLONE TROOPER 1: Ugh!
Traffic duty. The worst.
Hey! I just thought that exact thing!
Sometimes it feels like
we're the same person.
BOTH: Podracers,
don't see those every day.
BOTH: Jinx! Oh! Double jinx!
CLONE TROOPERS:
Pull over! Pull over! Pull over!
(REY GRUNTING)
STORMTROOPERS: Whoa!
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
(SIGHS)
ALL: Hello, there.
(PANTING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
(SPEAKING RODIAN) Oonta goota, Solos?
After you.
(ALL YELLING)
(REY AND DARTH VADER GRUNTING)
DARTH VADER: Someone has trained you well.
You have no idea.
Who are you guys?
Master Skywalker.
My son!
I mean... My, these binary Suns, um...
sure are hot.
What is this?
BOTH: The key!
(REY GRUNTS)
Private farm! Private farm!
No trespassing!
(REY AND DARTH VADER GRUNT)
Ow!
ALL: Whoa!
(BEEPING)
(REY GRUNTS)
The key, where's the key?
(BEEPING)
DARTH VADER: I'll take that.
BB-8!
DARTH VADER: And that.
(GRUNTING)
Worst Life Day ever.
Happy Life Day!
Took you long enough. Now, gimme!
Uh... What is it?
A key that allows us to travel
across space and time.
I have witnessed its awesome power.
With it, we can rule the galaxy.
Yeah, yeah, blabbity-blah. Ooh!
Idea! Let's go to the future.
Jedi destroyed, Rebellion crushed,
and yours truly reigns supreme.
(SIGHS) Let's see where I'm at in...
Ooh, pick a number... 30 years.
(EMPEROR GRUNTS)
(SCATTING)
Who's Supreme Leader? I'm Supreme Leader.
Do a little dance now.
Supreme Leader, Supreme Leader.
Supreme Leader, we've prepared the...
(SCATTING)
(SHUDDERS) Shirts. I mean, ships to head
to the pectoral locations.
Platoon! Platoon locations
across the midriff.
Rim, rim! For the...
Navel... Navy! Nav... Know what?
I'll come back later.
Who is this kid?
What does he mean "Supreme Leader"?
Is that above Emperor?
Kinda sounds like it.
(GRUNTS) I can hear you talking
and him breathing and...
Grandpa! Grandpa! Grandpa! Grandpa!
DARTH VADER: Yup. That's me.
Wait. "Grandpa"?
And Emperor Palpatine?
I don't believe it! How are you even here?
Uh... Life Day miracle?
This is so cool! You're my inspiration.
-DARTH VADER: Uh...
-Huh.
In fact, I'm about to finish
what you started,
I just made myself Supreme Leader and I...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll talk about
that "Supreme Leader" stuff later.
Let's... Let's get to me.
So, I assume I now rule
the entire galaxy for all eternity, hmm?
Well...
Okay, most of the galaxy?
Some of the galaxy?
A lousy Tibanna gas mine? Anything?
Boy, do I have a story to tell you.
You think maybe you could put
a shirt on before you tell it? (SHUDDERS)
Where are we? And who are you?
Me? Oh, just the Jedi Master
who let Darth Vader on the loose
to who knows where or when.
Yeah... I'm only a moisture farmer.
I have no idea what a "Darth Vader" is.
Now, if you've got questions
about vaporators, I'm your guy.
Oh, poor BB-8.
Hmm. Maybe I can help.
Hand me that head plate.
(BEEPING)
Look at that! Thank you, Luke.
Aw, it was nothing. Whoa!
I've never seen a droid move like that!
(BEEPING)
Get back here, little guy! (CHUCKLES)
He's so cute! Look at him go!
So, let me get this straight.
He betrays me,
throws me down a reactor shaft,
and I don't rule the galaxy for eternity?
Yep, that's pretty much the story.
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
You, uh... You got a lightsaber, kid?
Ooh! (CHUCKLES)
Crackly crossguards. May I?
Mmm! Mmm! (CHUCKLING)
Way more impressive than his.
DARTH VADER: I heard that.
I know.
How about a mask, hmm?
You, uh, got a mask?
Well, I did. But I broke it.
Oh, then allow me.
Oh, that's original.
No one asked you.
Last question, would you ever,
under any circumstance,
betray your master?
Like say,
oh, throw him down a reactor shaft?
Reactor shaft? No.
Then come with me.
KYLO: Where are we going?
To change our destiny.
(GRUNTS)
YODA: Meanwhile, on the Millennium Falcon,
hungry and bored Chewbacca's family was.
-(GRUNTING)
-(SCREAMING)
Uh, what's with the smiles?
Enjoying the biggest
intergalactic disaster
since Jar Jar Binks' senate speech?
Nope. That.
(TRILLS)
-You can set up over there, Max.
-(TRILLS)
Um, what is Max Rebo doin' here?
No one's listened to him
in, like, 30 years.
We hired him to kick this party up.
And isn't it the Max Rebo Seven?
I mean, where're the other, ya' know, six?
(TRILLING)
Oh.
My condolences.
Guys, this is a nice thought,
but no one listens to...
Max Rebo?
Now this is a Life Day party! (LAUGHS)
Where's my boyfriend?
-(ROARING)
-(LAUGHING)
There he is!
(LAUGHING)
What is going on?
Life Day is about being with friends
and family, right?
So, we figured the more the merrier!
JAWA: (SPEAKING JAWANESE) Utinni!
(SPEAKING RODIAN) Maclunkey!
And when you decided to invite
an entire star system for dinner,
did you have a plan to feed them all?
-Of course, we did.
-(R2-D2 BEEPING)
Oh, Zorii! I knew you'd be back,
with a bunch of tip-yip.
Straight to the galley with those, Zorii.
Please be a cape, please be a cape.
It's a wrap!
This is one of my favorites.
Hope it's one of yours.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING IN HUTTESE)
Cool.
(BOTH SINGING IN HUTTESE)
(CRYING)
Nice, right? Second Death Star!
We built two o' these bad boys!
I know! And that's how we got
the idea for Starkiller Base!
Ooh! "Starkiller"! (CHUCKLING)
Good name!
DARTH VADER: Hey!
Oh. You.
Forgot you're still here.
Skywalker is down
on the Forest Moon of Endor.
Go. Fetch.
Fine!
Nice, right? Spins in both directions.
Ooh! Whoo!
Uh, not to point out the obvious,
but sending Vader down to the Forest Moon
above Endor to get Skywalker
sets off the exact chain of events
that ends with Vader
picking you up and chucking
you down a reactor shaft.
And there's no coming back from that.
Yeah, so?
So, aren't you worried
about your apprentice betraying you?
Ah, you mean my former apprentice?
REY: Way to go, Rey.
If you'd just listened to your friends
and stayed on the Falcon,
none of this would have happened.
But instead, you ignored them and...
And now you're talking to yourself.
YODA: Upset, young Rey was. And alone.
And hearing things.
YODA: You are not.
Master Yoda? I... I don't believe it!
With all you've seen today,
so impossible to believe, is it? Hmm?
Master Yoda. I failed completely.
So sure, are you?
Failed to teach Finn.
Failed to stop Darth Vader.
Failed to find a way out of here.
Pretty sure, yeah.
All teachers fail.
Saw my failure with Luke
on Dagobah, you did.
-That's different.
-No, no different.
From failure we can learn.
Learn to be a better student
or better teacher.
(SIGHS)
Come. Let me show you
what you failed to see.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
REY: I'm home?
No. Here, but not here, you are. To learn.
POE: Look out!
-(PORGS GIBBERING)
-(FINN EXCLAIMS)
Whoa! Where'd you learn that?
Rey taught me to be
mindful of my surroundings.
Rey's a good teacher.
The best.
Wise, Finn is.
No. Wrong, Finn is.
I don't understand.
I've pored over the Jedi texts.
Memorized all there is to know.
Dedicated myself
to passing on that knowledge.
Are you sure I'm ready to become a Jedi?
Hand me the lightsaber.
(SIGHS) Guess not.
Oh, no. Instead of helping Finn,
I hurt his feelings.
So focused on the books you were,
the most important thing you forgot.
Knowledge and training, a Jedi needs. Yes.
But useless these are, without connection.
What do you see?
Jedi Masters and their students.
Students, yes. But also...
Friends.
Hmm. Understand now, you do?
A happy Life Day, I wish you, young Rey.
Happy Life Day, Master Yoda.
Oh, wait! How do we get out of here?
What about Vader? And the Emperor?
Showed you all you need to know, I did.
(CHUCKLES) The power all along, you had.
-Whoa!
-(GASPS) Oh.
I didn't mean to scare you.
Did you find that key you're lookin' for?
-No.
-Oh.
I thought maybe that was
what the green guy meant
when he said,
"You had the power all along."
You saw that?
At least, I think that's what he said.
It was kinda all backwards-y.
"Had the power all along."
Luke! Thank you.
-For what?
-For teaching me something.
(EXHALES)
YODA: All living things,
the Force connects.
Reach out...
YODA: In connection, strength we find.
And happen, great things can.
-You did it!
-No, we did it!
-Come on!
-Where are we going?
To set things right.
So, do you understand the plan?
KYLO: Whee!
Oh! Both ways!
The plan. Do you...
Do you understand it?
When Vader returns with Skywalker,
I grab them and I chuck them
both in the reactor.
That's right! (SCOFFS)
See how they like it.
Then you and I rule
the galaxy for all eternity.
The Emperor and his faithful
second-in-command, the Supreme Leader.
(SIGHS) Master, I'm unsure.
Oh, no, no, no. As you can see,
"Emperor" is clearly
above "Supreme Leader."
Speaking of which, scoochy scooch!
No, I'm good with throwing
my Uncle Luke down a reactor.
But Grandpa Vader too?
Hey, don't get cold feet on me now, kid.
What is that?
Ben?
Ben? Who's Ben?
That's "Supreme Leader Kylo Ren" to you!
Check out this place!
You! You're gonna pay
for what you did to me!
What I did to him?
I... I don't even know who he is.
Less talky-talky, more fighty-fighty!
Destroy them!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(BEEPING)
Yeah! Whoo-hoo! Dark side.
No one hurts my friend!
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS) Whoa!
Excellent work, my new apprentice.
Now destroy Skywalker.
KYLO: With pleasure.
(BEEPING)
(KYLO GRUNTING)
Fine, destroy the girl first.
Then Skywalker.
Oh, and if Vader ever bothers
to show up, destroy him too.
DARTH VADER: Wait. What?
-KYLO: Uncle Luke?
-"Uncle"?
(CHUCKLING)
This just got interesting.
What did you mean by, "Destroy Vader too"?
-Um...
-(BEEPING)
(REY AND DARTH VADER GRUNT)
No time to explain. We need to...
Stop everyone in a black cape.
I know the drill.
Okay, they want to destroy me.
As do you. And you.
Really not sure whose side I'm on here.
-Mine!
-KYLO: What about me?
Fine! You too! Okay? All of us!
Make with the fighty-fighty!
KYLO: I've always hated you!
Kid, I've never
seen you before in my life.
-KYLO: Ow!
-Oopsie! Zappity, zappity, zappity!
(LAUGHING)
(GRUNTING)
(REY YELLS)
(REY GRUNTS)
Join me and together
we can rule the galaxy!
Good.
Wait, what now?
(BEEPING)
Really should've seen that coming.
(YELLS)
Goodbye, Ben.
(YELLING)
No!
No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no!
Enough, Lord Vader!
I will finish this.
(SCREAMS AND GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
No!
And now, you will feel
the full power of the dark side.
(DARTH VADER GRUNTING)
(EMPEROR LAUGHING)
-DARTH VADER: Ow!
-That's for throwing me in the reactor!
-I didn't!
-Well, not yet.
Zippity, zappity, zappity!
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
(GROANING)
You are most impressive.
Perhaps, you'd like to join me
as my new, new apprentice.
You, me, and that key.
Me, join you?
Never!
You've failed before. You'll fail again.
Good will always triumph over evil.
Yes, well, we'll see about that.
(GRUNTING)
(SCREAMS)
If you won't join me,
then I will go back and destroy Skywalker!
Both of them. And Kylo Ren! And Vader!
I will rule the galaxy forever,
by myself like I always should have.
It is my destiny.
No!
(REY GRUNTS)
Pathetic girl.
Did you really think
you could defeat me alone?
I am not alone.
DARTH VADER: I'm coming, my Master.
Luke? Do you remember
the first Jedi lesson you ever learned?
-Let...
-Go!
(LAUGHING)
What? (GRUNTING)
Get off of me, you oaf!
-Are you all right?
-I've been worse.
Give me a hand, BB-8.
LUKE: Where are you going?
To put "you" back where you belong.
Well, not "you" you. This you.
Don't you want to see what happens?
DARTH VADER: I'm sorry.
EMPEROR: One simple screw up!
-DARTH VADER: Just move!
-Can't you do anything right?
I already know.
May the Force be with you.
Nice kid.
Oh, perfect.
Now they're getting away.
And it's all your...
Huh? Hey! Put me down!
DARTH VADER: I'm done
taking orders from you.
Hey, what's with the sweater? (SCREAMING)
Happy Life Day!
"Galaxy's Best Emperor." (SCOFFS)
Huh. This is actually pretty thoughtful.
Why was I so mean about it?
In fact, why am I always so mean?
(GASPS)
It's a Life Day miracle!
Oh, that's it.
That's it! From now on, no more dark side!
No more ruling the galaxy!
Ol' Sheevy Palpatine
is gonna change his way. (SCREAMING)
(BEEPING)
He'll be fine. He's one tough Jedi.
He just doesn't know it yet.
Come on. There's still
one more thing we need to fix.
(BEEPS)
(BEEPS)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALL CHEERING)
Who's hungry?
(ALL CHEERING)
FINN: Me! Me! Me!
Mmm! Do I smell tip-yip?
-Rey!
-(ROARS)
Look at all this!
Glad we made it back in time!
-So are we.
-(ROARS)
C-3PO: Oh, my!
That must've been quite an adventure.
-How many Master Skywalkers?
-(BB-8 BEEPS)
That sounds quite impossible.
Did you find what you were
lookin' for at the temple?
Turns out what
I was looking for was right here.
-ROSE: Aw!
-(POE WHIMPERING)
Oh, all right, you two, enough hugging.
Come on. Let's eat.
Are you crying again?
No, pollen!
Care to do the honors, Jedi Party Master?
I think Finn should do it.
But you're going to need this.
Whoa!
So, I am ready to become a Jedi.
And now, I'm ready to train you.
(INHALES)
Okay. Let go,
let go, let go.
Oh.
-(POE CRYING)
-Oh, Finn!
We'll work on that. Together.
-C-3PO: Oh, my!
-No way.
C-3PO: Snow on Kashyyyk.
Why, the odds of this happening are...
Oh, where is everybody? Wait for me!
Whoa! Whoo! (CHUCKLES)
(ALL CHUCKLING)
(BEEPING)
Hey, careful,
that's not a snowball, that's BB-8!
(ROARING)
(GIBBERING)
Whoo! (CHUCKLING)
D-O: Whee! Whee!
-Hey!
-Look out!
YODA: A time of joy.
Of friendship.
Of family.
-All of this, Life Day is.
-(BB-8 BEEPING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
And a happy one, I wish you.
YODA: Destroyed, the First Order was.
-Eliminated, were the Sith.
-(STORMTROOPER GRUNTS)
Across the galaxy, peace had spread.
With freedom restored,
Life Day could once again be celebrated.
What is Life Day, you ask?
A holiday of friendship,
of family, of connection.
To Kashyyyk, Rey and her friends traveled,
to celebrate with Chewbacca
and his family.
Although, for Rey and Finn,
the celebration would wait.
(EXHALES)
Ow!
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
It's all right, Finn, I believe in you.
Just concentrate.
Well, it's kinda hard with them,
you know, looking at me.
(PORGS COOING)
There, no more Porgs.
Now remember,
be mindful of your surroundings,
feel the remote.
Can you feel it?
-FINN: (YELPS) No, but I felt that.
-(PORGS LAUGHING)
Finn, I know the Force is strong with you.
I sense it. Remember, a Jedi...
FINN: Must let go.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
-(YELLING)
-(PORGS GIBBER)
Finn! No! No! That's not letting go. Whoa!
(FINN YELLING)
(YELPS)
(GROWLS AND YELLS)
Oh, yeah! (HUMMING) Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
Ow!
Oh, come on!
I don't understand.
This is everything
I'm supposed to be doing.
(SIGHS)
Are you sure I'm ready to become a Jedi?
Hand me the lightsaber.
(SIGHS) Guess not.
The Jedi texts say
that when we travel down a wrong path,
we must search for another.
A wood lightsaber? Seriously?
No, a new path.
Ow! The new path gave me a splinter.
(GROANS)
What am I doing wrong?
Lightsabers down, you two,
we've got a Life Day party to set up.
Chewie's entire family is coming.
And if there's one thing
Wookiees love, it's...
Well, it's ripping arms off things,
but if there's two things they love,
it's arm ripping and parties!
Finn, can I put you down
for decorating duty?
Sure. I need a break.
And, Rey, you're in too, right?
You volunteered to roast the tip-yip.
REY: Mmm-hmm. Tip-yip.
You think she's in?
Ah, yeah, she's in.
YODA:
Unsatisfied with her teaching, Rey was.
To the Jedi texts, she went for answers.
Did that. Did that.
Did that.
(SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION) That too.
I followed every teaching.
Argh! What am I missing?
Why can't I train him?
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
(BOOK THUDS)
(GASPS)
All right, people,
Chewie's family is on their way.
We've got a lot o' work
and not a lot o' time.
(BB-8 BEEPING)
Guys, look what I found!
Tip-yip recipe?
"In the temple on Kordoku,
only on Life Day,
"but once a year,
"with a key to the galaxy's past,
a Jedi's future becomes clear."
(BB-8 BEEPING)
-So, not a tip-yip recipe.
-(ROARS)
Yeah, what does that mean?
I think it means I need to go to Kordoku.
To help me. You. Us. With your training.
Put the book down, Rey.
We can figure it all out tomorrow.
Even Jedi Masters deserve a day off.
Life Day is today.
I'm afraid I have to go now.
-Now?
-ROSE: What?
(ROARS)
Chewie's right. You can't leave.
-I'm sorry.
-(R2-D2 BEEPS)
But I'm sure one of you
can make the tip-yip.
Life Day is about family.
It's not about the tip-yip.
Oh, it's all about the tip-yip.
But yeah, family.
I won't miss the party. I promise.
(BB-8 BEEPING)
-Aw, no. You're leavin' too, buddy?
-(BEEPING)
D-O: Don't leave.
He left. I miss my friend.
Yeah, I already miss him too.
Are you crying?
No. It's allergies.
Stupid Wookiee planet.
All fur and tree pollen.
Besides, Generals don't cry.
Exactly. They lead.
Uh-oh.
He's getting the look.
We're only in trouble
if he says, "I have a plan."
I have a plan!
We're not just going to put on a party.
We're going to put on
the greatest Life Day party
in the history of the galaxy!
You guys, decorate.
I'll handle the tip-yip.
Have you ever made tip-yip?
No, I have not.
Rey! Wait! You're not leavin'
because of me, are you?
No, Finn, because of me.
I know I can become a Jedi.
Which is why I have to go.
(SIGHS) So, you are leaving because of me.
Rey, may the Force be...
You know the rest.
YODA: At Kordoku, Rey had arrived.
But difficult to find, the temple was.
(BEEPING)
It has to be here somewhere.
(GASPS)
Pull up! Pull up!
-Pull up, pull up, pull up, pull up!
-(BEEPING)
Whoa!
I think we found it.
(BB-8 BEEPING)
You can say that again.
(BB-8 BEEPING)
Wow.
This is beautiful.
(BEEPING)
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
(BEEPING)
"With a key to the galaxy's past."
This has got to be the key.
But what does it open?
(BEEPING)
"With a key to the galaxy's..."
What is it?
(BEEPING)
-Hmm.
-(BEEPING)
(GASPS)
(BEEPING)
(BEEPING)
I think this opened
some sort of Force gateway to...
Whoa!
(GRUNTS)
(BEEPS)
Where are we?
-(LUKE GRUNTING)
-(GASPS)
YODA: Now the rock. Concentrate.
That's Master Luke.
And that must be... Yoda!
Somehow, we're on Dagobah when
Luke Skywalker received his training.
Can you imagine
the profound Jedi wisdom they're sharing?
Master Yoda? The blood is
really starting to rush to my head.
-Concentrate, young Skywalker.
-(BEEPING)
Concentrate!
(LUKE GRUNTING)
Master and apprentice. Hmm.
Maybe I could learn something from this.
You want me to lift my X-wing
out of the swamp?
With only the Force? All right, I'll try.
No. Do or do not. There is no try.
Isn't trying, like, a good thing?
Participation trophies for Jedi,
there are not.
(GRUNTING)
(R2-D2 BEEPING)
(SEA MONSTER GROWLING)
-(BEEPING)
-(SHUSHING)
(BEEPING)
Cut it out! I'm trying to learn here.
-Oh! (GRUNTING)
-(BB-8 BEEPING)
Learning can wait!
It's just like the Jedi text said.
"With a key to the galaxy's past,
a Jedi's future becomes clear."
This is how I learn to train Finn,
by watching other Jedi Masters
train their students. Come on!
It's like Master Yoda said,
"Do or do not." And I'm gonna do.
(BEEPS)
Ugh! Bored. Bored.
Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored.
Who cares about a trade dispute?
Jedi do not seek adventure.
I understand.
It's just that it's not very...
QUI-GON: Gas!
OBI-WAN: Now this is more like it!
Focus, Obi-Wan.
Hurry, BB-8.
OBI-WAN: Focus, Anakin.
I know you're eager to see Padm again,
but we're on a mission.
I am focused, Master.
Follow my example and be mindful, Anakin.
A Jedi must have complete awareness
of their surroundings.
It's Obi-Wan Kenobi
training Anakin Skywalker!
-(BEEPS)
-No, they didn't see me.
Hello, there.
(CHUCKLES)
-Hi.
-(BEEPING)
Artoo, try and lock...
-(GRUNTS)
-Sorry. Oh, Master Luke!
What're you doing? I'm tryin' to aim here.
OBI-WAN: Use the Force, Luke.
Obi-Wan Kenobi!
You're blocking my targeting computer.
-REY: Stop!
-LUKE: Ow! Get off!
-You move it.
-LUKE: Move your head!
(OBI-WAN CLEARS THROAT)
Use the Force, Luke.
(BEEPING)
-Huh?
-Listen to your Master, use the Force!
DARTH VADER: I have you now.
-Wha...
-Yoo-hoo!
PILOT: Look out!
You're all clear, kid.
Now let's blow this thing and go home.
(SIGHS) Thank you?
HAN: You're welcome.
(GRUNTS)
(GASPING)
We just saw Luke Skywalker
blow up the Death Star.
No, wait, technically we helped
Luke Skywalker blow up the Death Star!
Master and apprentice! So cool!
-(BEEPING)
-Best Life Day ever!
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
YODA: On the Millennium Falcon,
beginning to feel like Life Day it was.
Decorations, check. Lights, check.
Ice sculpture...
-(PORGS GIBBER)
-(R2-D2 BEEPING)
In progress.
Oh, Chewie, we still need a tree.
Finn and I will clean up this mess.
(ROARS)
You know how Rey said
we wouldn't notice she was gone?
Yeah, I notice.
(ALARM BLARING)
Full thrust, Threepio!
What are you doing?
Engine thruster roasting.
Cooks super fast.
(COUGHING)
(CHUCKLES) Disaster averted.
-(PORGS GIBBERING)
-(CHEWBACCA ROARS)
Amazing! We've seen my Master!
My Master's Master!
My Master's father.
My Master's father's Master...
Where are you going?
(GIBBERING)
But there's so much more to see.
To pass on to Finn.
(BEEPING)
We'll be back in plenty o' time
for the party. I promise.
Okay, okay.
Just one more Master and apprentice?
For me? For Finn?
(BEEPS)
I've got a good feeling about this.
YODA: Though she did not know it,
fraught with peril, Rey's quest was.
Soon the Rebels will arrive
and fall into my trap.
By the time they discover Death Star Two
is fully operational, it will be too late.
They will be destroyed,
and I shall rule the galaxy for eternity.
I sense you disagree, Lord Vader.
No, it's just...
"Death Star Two" feels kind of derivative.
Mmm-hmm.
Then I suppose you have a better name?
How about "Starkiller Base"?
(SCOFFS)
That's the stupidest name I've ever heard.
Anyhoo, not sure you remembered,
but it's Life Day.
I got you something
you're really gonna like.
Ooh!
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (LAUGHING)
"Galaxy's Best Emperor"?
Of course, I'm the galaxy's best Emperor!
I'm the galaxy's only Emperor! Meh!
(BEEPING)
This is so not what I had in mind.
I heard something!
Let's get out of here.
Hey! I had to hit every gift shop
on Batuu to find you that.
Forget the mug.
Whatever made this must be very powerful.
-Me want-y! You get-y.
-Whoa!
(BEEPS)
You were right. We should go home.
Can you imagine if those two had seen us?
-That would've been...
-(DARTH VADER BREATHES HEAVILY)
Not good.
YODA: Hurrying to finish
setting up the party, our heroes were.
Soon to arrive, Chewbacca's family was.
Looking good. Tree. Food. Decorations.
Oh! I almost forgot music.
(D-O PLAYING MUSIC)
(SCATTING)
It is on.
(ROARING)
Welcome, everyone! Gifts go under the tree
and there's food over there.
-(ROARING)
-(GIBBERS)
(BOTH BEEPING)
(ROARING)
This is not going well.
If this party gets any worse,
Poe's gonna start losin' arms.
Who's up for party games?
(ROARING)
You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?
BOTH: Distress signal!
(REY GRUNTS)
DARTH VADER: All too easy.
Now I have the, uh...
-What is this thing?
-(BEEPS)
REY: Give that back!
DARTH VADER: You are a Jedi?
That's right.
(GRUNTS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Huh?
(REY YELLS)
(BEEPS)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Impressive. I almost feel bad
having to destroy you.
Almost.
(DARTH VADER BREATHING HEAVILY)
What are you doing? Follow me.
SNOWTROOPER: But you're right there.
That's not me!
Sure looks like you.
Helmet, chest buttons, heavy breathing.
We are invading the Rebel base.
Forget the base. Stop the girl.
You dare contradict me?
I'm in charge here.
No, I'm in charge!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Who do you think you are?
-I'm you!
-No, you're me.
Any idea what the protocol is here?
(BOTH GRUNTING)
Impressive.
Most impressive.
(BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY)
BOTH: You are me.
-BOTH: Destroy her.
-(GRUNTS)
(YELLS)
(REY AND DARTH VADER GRUNT)
SNOWTROOPER: Lord Vader!
DARTH VADER: That was weird. Come on.
I hate you, Obi-Wan!
Careful, Anakin. Anger leads to hate,
and hate leads to...
I know what it leads to!
(SNOWTROOPERS SCREAM AND GRUNT)
I have it! Lord Vader, I have it!
DARTH VADER: Wha...
(COOING)
-DARTH VADER: Aw!
-So cute.
(ALL SCREAMING)
FODE: ...the start of the third
and final lap, Sebulba's in the lead,
followed closely by Skywalker!
They're side by side.
(SCREAMS)
SNOWTROOPER: Whoa!
FODE: I don't care what universe
you're from, that's gotta hurt!
CLONE TROOPER 1: Ugh!
Traffic duty. The worst.
Hey! I just thought that exact thing!
Sometimes it feels like
we're the same person.
BOTH: Podracers,
don't see those every day.
BOTH: Jinx! Oh! Double jinx!
CLONE TROOPERS:
Pull over! Pull over! Pull over!
(REY GRUNTING)
STORMTROOPERS: Whoa!
(PEOPLE SCREAMING)
(SIGHS)
ALL: Hello, there.
(PANTING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
(SPEAKING RODIAN) Oonta goota, Solos?
After you.
(ALL YELLING)
(REY AND DARTH VADER GRUNTING)
DARTH VADER: Someone has trained you well.
You have no idea.
Who are you guys?
Master Skywalker.
My son!
I mean... My, these binary Suns, um...
sure are hot.
What is this?
BOTH: The key!
(REY GRUNTS)
Private farm! Private farm!
No trespassing!
(REY AND DARTH VADER GRUNT)
Ow!
ALL: Whoa!
(BEEPING)
(REY GRUNTS)
The key, where's the key?
(BEEPING)
DARTH VADER: I'll take that.
BB-8!
DARTH VADER: And that.
(GRUNTING)
Worst Life Day ever.
Happy Life Day!
Took you long enough. Now, gimme!
Uh... What is it?
A key that allows us to travel
across space and time.
I have witnessed its awesome power.
With it, we can rule the galaxy.
Yeah, yeah, blabbity-blah. Ooh!
Idea! Let's go to the future.
Jedi destroyed, Rebellion crushed,
and yours truly reigns supreme.
(SIGHS) Let's see where I'm at in...
Ooh, pick a number... 30 years.
(EMPEROR GRUNTS)
(SCATTING)
Who's Supreme Leader? I'm Supreme Leader.
Do a little dance now.
Supreme Leader, Supreme Leader.
Supreme Leader, we've prepared the...
(SCATTING)
(SHUDDERS) Shirts. I mean, ships to head
to the pectoral locations.
Platoon! Platoon locations
across the midriff.
Rim, rim! For the...
Navel... Navy! Nav... Know what?
I'll come back later.
Who is this kid?
What does he mean "Supreme Leader"?
Is that above Emperor?
Kinda sounds like it.
(GRUNTS) I can hear you talking
and him breathing and...
Grandpa! Grandpa! Grandpa! Grandpa!
DARTH VADER: Yup. That's me.
Wait. "Grandpa"?
And Emperor Palpatine?
I don't believe it! How are you even here?
Uh... Life Day miracle?
This is so cool! You're my inspiration.
-DARTH VADER: Uh...
-Huh.
In fact, I'm about to finish
what you started,
I just made myself Supreme Leader and I...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll talk about
that "Supreme Leader" stuff later.
Let's... Let's get to me.
So, I assume I now rule
the entire galaxy for all eternity, hmm?
Well...
Okay, most of the galaxy?
Some of the galaxy?
A lousy Tibanna gas mine? Anything?
Boy, do I have a story to tell you.
You think maybe you could put
a shirt on before you tell it? (SHUDDERS)
Where are we? And who are you?
Me? Oh, just the Jedi Master
who let Darth Vader on the loose
to who knows where or when.
Yeah... I'm only a moisture farmer.
I have no idea what a "Darth Vader" is.
Now, if you've got questions
about vaporators, I'm your guy.
Oh, poor BB-8.
Hmm. Maybe I can help.
Hand me that head plate.
(BEEPING)
Look at that! Thank you, Luke.
Aw, it was nothing. Whoa!
I've never seen a droid move like that!
(BEEPING)
Get back here, little guy! (CHUCKLES)
He's so cute! Look at him go!
So, let me get this straight.
He betrays me,
throws me down a reactor shaft,
and I don't rule the galaxy for eternity?
Yep, that's pretty much the story.
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.
You, uh... You got a lightsaber, kid?
Ooh! (CHUCKLES)
Crackly crossguards. May I?
Mmm! Mmm! (CHUCKLING)
Way more impressive than his.
DARTH VADER: I heard that.
I know.
How about a mask, hmm?
You, uh, got a mask?
Well, I did. But I broke it.
Oh, then allow me.
Oh, that's original.
No one asked you.
Last question, would you ever,
under any circumstance,
betray your master?
Like say,
oh, throw him down a reactor shaft?
Reactor shaft? No.
Then come with me.
KYLO: Where are we going?
To change our destiny.
(GRUNTS)
YODA: Meanwhile, on the Millennium Falcon,
hungry and bored Chewbacca's family was.
-(GRUNTING)
-(SCREAMING)
Uh, what's with the smiles?
Enjoying the biggest
intergalactic disaster
since Jar Jar Binks' senate speech?
Nope. That.
(TRILLS)
-You can set up over there, Max.
-(TRILLS)
Um, what is Max Rebo doin' here?
No one's listened to him
in, like, 30 years.
We hired him to kick this party up.
And isn't it the Max Rebo Seven?
I mean, where're the other, ya' know, six?
(TRILLING)
Oh.
My condolences.
Guys, this is a nice thought,
but no one listens to...
Max Rebo?
Now this is a Life Day party! (LAUGHS)
Where's my boyfriend?
-(ROARING)
-(LAUGHING)
There he is!
(LAUGHING)
What is going on?
Life Day is about being with friends
and family, right?
So, we figured the more the merrier!
JAWA: (SPEAKING JAWANESE) Utinni!
(SPEAKING RODIAN) Maclunkey!
And when you decided to invite
an entire star system for dinner,
did you have a plan to feed them all?
-Of course, we did.
-(R2-D2 BEEPING)
Oh, Zorii! I knew you'd be back,
with a bunch of tip-yip.
Straight to the galley with those, Zorii.
Please be a cape, please be a cape.
It's a wrap!
This is one of my favorites.
Hope it's one of yours.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING IN HUTTESE)
Cool.
(BOTH SINGING IN HUTTESE)
(CRYING)
Nice, right? Second Death Star!
We built two o' these bad boys!
I know! And that's how we got
the idea for Starkiller Base!
Ooh! "Starkiller"! (CHUCKLING)
Good name!
DARTH VADER: Hey!
Oh. You.
Forgot you're still here.
Skywalker is down
on the Forest Moon of Endor.
Go. Fetch.
Fine!
Nice, right? Spins in both directions.
Ooh! Whoo!
Uh, not to point out the obvious,
but sending Vader down to the Forest Moon
above Endor to get Skywalker
sets off the exact chain of events
that ends with Vader
picking you up and chucking
you down a reactor shaft.
And there's no coming back from that.
Yeah, so?
So, aren't you worried
about your apprentice betraying you?
Ah, you mean my former apprentice?
REY: Way to go, Rey.
If you'd just listened to your friends
and stayed on the Falcon,
none of this would have happened.
But instead, you ignored them and...
And now you're talking to yourself.
YODA: Upset, young Rey was. And alone.
And hearing things.
YODA: You are not.
Master Yoda? I... I don't believe it!
With all you've seen today,
so impossible to believe, is it? Hmm?
Master Yoda. I failed completely.
So sure, are you?
Failed to teach Finn.
Failed to stop Darth Vader.
Failed to find a way out of here.
Pretty sure, yeah.
All teachers fail.
Saw my failure with Luke
on Dagobah, you did.
-That's different.
-No, no different.
From failure we can learn.
Learn to be a better student
or better teacher.
(SIGHS)
Come. Let me show you
what you failed to see.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
REY: I'm home?
No. Here, but not here, you are. To learn.
POE: Look out!
-(PORGS GIBBERING)
-(FINN EXCLAIMS)
Whoa! Where'd you learn that?
Rey taught me to be
mindful of my surroundings.
Rey's a good teacher.
The best.
Wise, Finn is.
No. Wrong, Finn is.
I don't understand.
I've pored over the Jedi texts.
Memorized all there is to know.
Dedicated myself
to passing on that knowledge.
Are you sure I'm ready to become a Jedi?
Hand me the lightsaber.
(SIGHS) Guess not.
Oh, no. Instead of helping Finn,
I hurt his feelings.
So focused on the books you were,
the most important thing you forgot.
Knowledge and training, a Jedi needs. Yes.
But useless these are, without connection.
What do you see?
Jedi Masters and their students.
Students, yes. But also...
Friends.
Hmm. Understand now, you do?
A happy Life Day, I wish you, young Rey.
Happy Life Day, Master Yoda.
Oh, wait! How do we get out of here?
What about Vader? And the Emperor?
Showed you all you need to know, I did.
(CHUCKLES) The power all along, you had.
-Whoa!
-(GASPS) Oh.
I didn't mean to scare you.
Did you find that key you're lookin' for?
-No.
-Oh.
I thought maybe that was
what the green guy meant
when he said,
"You had the power all along."
You saw that?
At least, I think that's what he said.
It was kinda all backwards-y.
"Had the power all along."
Luke! Thank you.
-For what?
-For teaching me something.
(EXHALES)
YODA: All living things,
the Force connects.
Reach out...
YODA: In connection, strength we find.
And happen, great things can.
-You did it!
-No, we did it!
-Come on!
-Where are we going?
To set things right.
So, do you understand the plan?
KYLO: Whee!
Oh! Both ways!
The plan. Do you...
Do you understand it?
When Vader returns with Skywalker,
I grab them and I chuck them
both in the reactor.
That's right! (SCOFFS)
See how they like it.
Then you and I rule
the galaxy for all eternity.
The Emperor and his faithful
second-in-command, the Supreme Leader.
(SIGHS) Master, I'm unsure.
Oh, no, no, no. As you can see,
"Emperor" is clearly
above "Supreme Leader."
Speaking of which, scoochy scooch!
No, I'm good with throwing
my Uncle Luke down a reactor.
But Grandpa Vader too?
Hey, don't get cold feet on me now, kid.
What is that?
Ben?
Ben? Who's Ben?
That's "Supreme Leader Kylo Ren" to you!
Check out this place!
You! You're gonna pay
for what you did to me!
What I did to him?
I... I don't even know who he is.
Less talky-talky, more fighty-fighty!
Destroy them!
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(BEEPING)
Yeah! Whoo-hoo! Dark side.
No one hurts my friend!
(GRUNTS)
(GRUNTS) Whoa!
Excellent work, my new apprentice.
Now destroy Skywalker.
KYLO: With pleasure.
(BEEPING)
(KYLO GRUNTING)
Fine, destroy the girl first.
Then Skywalker.
Oh, and if Vader ever bothers
to show up, destroy him too.
DARTH VADER: Wait. What?
-KYLO: Uncle Luke?
-"Uncle"?
(CHUCKLING)
This just got interesting.
What did you mean by, "Destroy Vader too"?
-Um...
-(BEEPING)
(REY AND DARTH VADER GRUNT)
No time to explain. We need to...
Stop everyone in a black cape.
I know the drill.
Okay, they want to destroy me.
As do you. And you.
Really not sure whose side I'm on here.
-Mine!
-KYLO: What about me?
Fine! You too! Okay? All of us!
Make with the fighty-fighty!
KYLO: I've always hated you!
Kid, I've never
seen you before in my life.
-KYLO: Ow!
-Oopsie! Zappity, zappity, zappity!
(LAUGHING)
(GRUNTING)
(REY YELLS)
(REY GRUNTS)
Join me and together
we can rule the galaxy!
Good.
Wait, what now?
(BEEPING)
Really should've seen that coming.
(YELLS)
Goodbye, Ben.
(YELLING)
No!
No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no!
Enough, Lord Vader!
I will finish this.
(SCREAMS AND GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
No!
And now, you will feel
the full power of the dark side.
(DARTH VADER GRUNTING)
(EMPEROR LAUGHING)
-DARTH VADER: Ow!
-That's for throwing me in the reactor!
-I didn't!
-Well, not yet.
Zippity, zappity, zappity!
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
(GROANING)
You are most impressive.
Perhaps, you'd like to join me
as my new, new apprentice.
You, me, and that key.
Me, join you?
Never!
You've failed before. You'll fail again.
Good will always triumph over evil.
Yes, well, we'll see about that.
(GRUNTING)
(SCREAMS)
If you won't join me,
then I will go back and destroy Skywalker!
Both of them. And Kylo Ren! And Vader!
I will rule the galaxy forever,
by myself like I always should have.
It is my destiny.
No!
(REY GRUNTS)
Pathetic girl.
Did you really think
you could defeat me alone?
I am not alone.
DARTH VADER: I'm coming, my Master.
Luke? Do you remember
the first Jedi lesson you ever learned?
-Let...
-Go!
(LAUGHING)
What? (GRUNTING)
Get off of me, you oaf!
-Are you all right?
-I've been worse.
Give me a hand, BB-8.
LUKE: Where are you going?
To put "you" back where you belong.
Well, not "you" you. This you.
Don't you want to see what happens?
DARTH VADER: I'm sorry.
EMPEROR: One simple screw up!
-DARTH VADER: Just move!
-Can't you do anything right?
I already know.
May the Force be with you.
Nice kid.
Oh, perfect.
Now they're getting away.
And it's all your...
Huh? Hey! Put me down!
DARTH VADER: I'm done
taking orders from you.
Hey, what's with the sweater? (SCREAMING)
Happy Life Day!
"Galaxy's Best Emperor." (SCOFFS)
Huh. This is actually pretty thoughtful.
Why was I so mean about it?
In fact, why am I always so mean?
(GASPS)
It's a Life Day miracle!
Oh, that's it.
That's it! From now on, no more dark side!
No more ruling the galaxy!
Ol' Sheevy Palpatine
is gonna change his way. (SCREAMING)
(BEEPING)
He'll be fine. He's one tough Jedi.
He just doesn't know it yet.
Come on. There's still
one more thing we need to fix.
(BEEPS)
(BEEPS)
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALL CHEERING)
Who's hungry?
(ALL CHEERING)
FINN: Me! Me! Me!
Mmm! Do I smell tip-yip?
-Rey!
-(ROARS)
Look at all this!
Glad we made it back in time!
-So are we.
-(ROARS)
C-3PO: Oh, my!
That must've been quite an adventure.
-How many Master Skywalkers?
-(BB-8 BEEPS)
That sounds quite impossible.
Did you find what you were
lookin' for at the temple?
Turns out what
I was looking for was right here.
-ROSE: Aw!
-(POE WHIMPERING)
Oh, all right, you two, enough hugging.
Come on. Let's eat.
Are you crying again?
No, pollen!
Care to do the honors, Jedi Party Master?
I think Finn should do it.
But you're going to need this.
Whoa!
So, I am ready to become a Jedi.
And now, I'm ready to train you.
(INHALES)
Okay. Let go,
let go, let go.
Oh.
-(POE CRYING)
-Oh, Finn!
We'll work on that. Together.
-C-3PO: Oh, my!
-No way.
C-3PO: Snow on Kashyyyk.
Why, the odds of this happening are...
Oh, where is everybody? Wait for me!
Whoa! Whoo! (CHUCKLES)
(ALL CHUCKLING)
(BEEPING)
Hey, careful,
that's not a snowball, that's BB-8!
(ROARING)
(GIBBERING)
Whoo! (CHUCKLING)
D-O: Whee! Whee!
-Hey!
-Look out!
YODA: A time of joy.
Of friendship.
Of family.
-All of this, Life Day is.
-(BB-8 BEEPING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
And a happy one, I wish you.