The Omicron Killer (2024) Movie Script
1
(dark music)
(sinister music)
(door creaks)
(water flowing)
(sinister music continues)
- [Pippen] Will, take the shot!
Take the fucking shot!
(gun firing)
- [Reporter] Well, New
York, it's a great day.
The Covid Killer is dead.
He was shot by Detective Will Jordan.
But the bad news is the
Copycat Covid Killer
is still out there,
and he's much more of a vicious
killer than Covid ever was.
He doesn't only kill at night.
He kills in broad daylight.
So please stay inside and lock your doors.
(uneasy music)
- So this is a bit of
interesting news this morning.
Today is the one year anniversary
of the Covid Killer's death.
And it seems that the
Covid Killer has built up
quite the fan base in
the year since his death.
He is currently trending
all over social media.
I guess he got what he wanted, notoriety.
Too bad I can't say the same
about the Copycat Covid Killer.
No one has spoken a word
about that guy since,
well, right now.
(organs squelching)
In other news, the new Omicron
variant is on the rise.
So when you get the chance,
please get vaccinated
so we can get this pandemic under control.
Speaking of vaccines, you
should also get your flu shot.
The holidays are coming up
and you sure don't want to get sick
and miss all the good food
your family and friends are cooking up.
I sure don't.
(dark music)
(men speaking indistinctly)
- Hey!
What do we got here?
(laughs)
An albino gorilla.
(laughs)
- Take out your wallet
and give me all the money
you've got in your pockets, man.
(uneasy music)
- What the fuck is wrong with you?
I think he's retarded.
- Hey, we don't need to
be politically incorrect.
We don't say retard. We
say mentally challenged.
- I don't give a fuck what he is.
As long as he gives us his fuckin' money.
- Yeah, white boy.
Give us your money so you can leave.
- Yeah, you could be on your way.
To the zoo 'cause you're
a filthy fuckin' animal!
(laughs)
- You think this is a fuckin' game?
You mad that I knocked down your candy?
(intense music)
- Oh, shit!
- What the fuck was that?!
- Holy shit, bro!
Holy shit, man! You see that?
Let's go do this, man!
(man groaning)
(crowbar clangs)
(man groans)
Oh, shit!
Oh!
(bat thumping)
(dramatic music)
- So, what's going on here?
- Well, from what I can gather,
it looks like these three gentlemen
tried to rob that individual over there
and they were unsuccessful.
- Huh.
Unsuccessful is an understatement.
- To say the least.
- So did Doughboy over there
supply you with this information
or did you just Sherlock Holmes this shit?
- Come on, Cap.
You know we Sherlock Holmes this shit.
We're the dynamic dual.
- So has the victim spoken at all yet?
- Not a word.
Think he's in shock?
- He's in shock?
Right.
Okay.
Okay.
Take that man to the hospital
and take the three stooges
here to the morgue.
Oh, and be sure that you send an officer
to keep an an eye on
El Gigante over there.
Well, there's something
about this whole scenario
that rubs me the wrong way.
So what's this?
- I don't know.
Those items were just lying on the ground
when we got to the scene.
Do you think they're relevant to the case?
- What do you think?
- I don't know.
- Everything is relevant to a
crime scene, my dear Watson.
Everything!
Bring these items to
my office immediately!
Ugh.
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
- Yeah, hold on.
Yeah, wait.
Kayla, your count.
- We have a slight bump on down. Ready?
(uneasy music)
- Hey, don't touch.
You're only going to aggravate it.
- Damn, girl.
If looks could kill, you'd be dead.
- Be nice.
You just relax, okay?
And everything's fine.
(uneasy music continues)
- So this is it?
- Yes.
- You never told us how he killed her.
Why?
- What do you mean why?
He's a serial killer.
They kill anybody.
- Not always.
- He was mad at my grandma
just because he bumped
into her in a gas station
and she called him stupid.
- So you've seen him?
- Yes.
- Cool.
- I called him stupid too
because he was big, mean, and ugly!
- So how did he kill her?
- One night he followed her home.
She forgot to lock the door
and then he bashed her
head with a big hammer!
- Dang. That's messed up.
But don't worry, Bobby.
The cops will get that son a of a bitch.
- Excuse me, young man.
Do you think you should be cursing?
- Mind your damn business, lady!
- Really?
This is my place of business.
Get the fuck outta here!
(thunder crashes)
(laughs)
(crows cawing)
(eerie music)
(dramatic music)
(Edie chanting)
- At the stroke of midnight
when the blood moon's bright,
casting the wickedest spell,
summoning the Covid Killer from Hell.
The resurrection has
begun for the unholy one!
- [Cultists] Unholy one!
- You paid the price with
your bloody sacrifice.
Chanting from the book,
suddenly the earth shook.
When the rituals is done,
we will have some fun.
Here is where evil dwells
in the deepest of all wells!
- [Cultists] In the deepest of all wells!
- Later on in the dead of night,
this pentagram shall
resurrect the Covid Killer
by the blood moon's light!
- [Cultists] By the blood moon's light!
(Edie chanting)
(dramatic music continues)
(uneasy music)
- So how are we doing today?
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Dr. Frueger.
I'm your primary physician
here at St. Mary's Hospital.
Your name is
John Doe.
Huh.
Seems we have no information
on you whatsoever.
We can start with your name.
What's your name?
How am I supposed to treat you, Mr. Doe,
if I don't know anything about
you or your medical history?
Huh?
I understand now what I'm dealing with.
Good day, Mr. Doe.
Nurse will be in here shortly.
(door shuts)
- Hello.
- Hello.
How are you doing?
- Oh, I'm exhausted. Lotta work.
- I know the feeling well.
You're beautiful.
- Oh.
- So how old are you?
- It's impolite to ask
a lady how old are they.
- That is true.
- I'm ageless.
10 years from now I'm still
going to be look like this.
(Detective Rod laughs)
Can you give me something?
- What would you like?
- I like black coffee.
Strong, strong, strong.
Black coffee.
- Anything else?
- Yes.
I love surprises.
- Surprise coming right up.
- Yeah, take your time.
You have all the time in the world. Go!
- I will take my time.
- Go, Go!
(uneasy music)
(toilet flushing)
(Copycat shaking)
- Shh.
Relax, relax.
Relax.
Relax.
I sense something off with you.
You're different.
But our world is beautiful
because we're all different.
How was your childhood?
Your parents loved you?
It's okay.
Somehow I understand you're perfect.
Your pain.
But now you're safe.
You're in a safe place.
I will take good care of you, okay?
You just relax.
Trust me.
(dramatic music)
- What's up, Ma?
- Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah, anybody here heard
from Will Jordan recently?
- Nope.
- You know I don't speak to Will anymore.
- Yeah, yeah, I know that.
But have you at least seen him
in the last couple of days?
- No. Why?
- Well, because he hasn't reported to work
for the past few days and
nobody's heard from him.
- Well, if we hear from
him, we'll let you know.
- Okay.
- I'm assuming that's for me.
- Oh, yeah.
Take these items to forensics
and have them analyze
them for fingerprints.
- Okay.
- Oh, there's one more thing.
- What?
- You guys are now permanent.
- What do you mean permanent?
- Meaning that you are permanent partners.
- Awesome!
- I mean, come on.
You've been partners on
and off for like a year.
I mean, this guy has
been all over the place.
I think he's partnered with
every cop in this precinct.
- I wonder why.
Because I'm cool.
- Yeah, right.
Well, the higher ups are tired of you
ping ponging all over the place,
so you guys are officially hitched.
Hey, congratulations!
- Thank you, Captain, and
congratulations to you too.
- Get the fuck outta here, Healy.
- Healy, come on.
Where's your other glove?
- I need two?
(machine beeping)
- Stop babying him, Nancy.
- But he needs help.
- He always needs help.
Let me deal with it.
What seems to be the problem, Mr. Doe?
Three days and you still can't speak.
What am I supposed to do?
Guess what it is that you want?
What's that?
Oh, you want strawberries, huh?
Well, strawberries it is.
Everything's coming up strawberries.
Strawberries.
Yum, yum, yum.
Yum, yum, yum.
Strawberries.
(Dr. Frueger grunting)
Strawberries.
- Everything okay in there, doctor?
- Yes, yes.
Everything's fine.
Go to sleep, quiet one.
Better to sleep than to weep.
Sweet nightmares, Mr. Doe.
Sweet nightmares.
(rain falling)
- I'd trip him so that when he falls,
I could jump on top of him
and bash his head with his hammer.
- Are you freaking nuts?
That's stupid.
- No, it's not.
It's a great plan.
- You really think you're
gonna kill this guy?
You're like eight years
old. You can't do this.
- Why not?
- Well, for one, killing is wrong.
Even if he is a bad guy.
And two, you're a kid.
Copycat's a big guy.
- He'd squash you like a bug!
- Plus, how are you gonna find him?
You don't know where he lives.
- I don't, but I've seen
him one time at the cemetery
where my grandma's at.
He was in the back staring at a tombstone.
When he left, I went
over to the tombstone.
It was the Covid Killer's tombstone!
So you guys are not gonna help me?
- We'll help you, Bobby.
- What? Are you loco?
- But not to kill him. To trap him.
Then we'll call the police.
(chilling music)
(chilling music continues)
(person laughing)
(person laughing)
(person laughing)
(person laughing)
One, two crazy clowns comin' for you
Three, four, you better lock your door
I know, I know. It's not my song.
Copyrights.
But I got my own song.
Fuck you, Freddy.
You can't hide and you can't run
'Cause Krazy Klowny
wants to have some fun
Chopping and grinding to the bone
I'm not ET, you can't phone home
Oh, you don't like the atmosphere?
How 'bout a change of scenery?
(intense music)
Now I lay you down to bed
Before I cut off your bloody head
It's Krazy Klowny time, kids!
You think I need that ax to kill you?
(laughs)
That's just for show.
All I need are these bare hands.
(Copycat grunts)
(Krazy Klowny laughs)
(ax clangs)
(crowbar clangs)
I lied.
I did need the ax.
(Copycat screams)
(Krazy Klowny laughs)
(Copycat coughing)
- Are you okay?!
Relax.
I told you you're safe here!
Just breathe, please.
Told you I'm taking care of you.
Don't worry.
- Oh, look, it's Beauty and the Beast.
But don't let anyone ever
call you Beast, Nancy.
(Lori laughs)
- Doctor, be nice.
- For a guy who can't speak,
you sure have a way with the ladies.
What do you say, Nurse Lori?
Is he also your type?
- No. I don't do ugly.
- Unlike you, Mr. Doe.
(bone cracks)
(Dr. Frueger groans)
I dabble in pain.
- Doctor!
- Nance!
Stay in your fuckin' lane.
(Dr. Frueger groans)
Nurse Lori, can you please get someone
to clean up Mr. Doe's restroom?
Looks like he shit himself
again and left it everywhere.
- Right away, Dr. Frueger.
Oh!
You're a disgusting piece of garbage.
- Shh.
It's okay. It's okay.
Shh.
Shh.
- Hey, go see what your
boy did in the bathroom.
- No, not again.
Damn, boy, what'd you eat?
Wanna tell me something?
What's up?
(upbeat music)
- What's the deal with the Kit Kat?
- I like it.
- You like it?
- Yeah, it makes for a good combination
with the Simply Lemonade.
- What's the deal, Ma?
I know you didn't call us here
to talk about your two favorite snacks.
- Well, sorta.
The print analysis for my
new favorite snacks is ready.
So cross reference them
with the three amigos
from the crime scene.
- Okay, I could do that.
Anything else?
I'm good, Ma. Thank you.
I'll see you later.
(Healy sighs)
What are you doing?
- Hey.
Your mom's a real funny lass.
- Yeah, she's a real fuckin' comedian.
(intense music)
(Copycat screams)
- What are you doing?
Get your Sasquatch ass off the-
(neck cracks)
- What the fuck do you
think you're doing, huh?!
(Copycat screams)
(jaunty music)
Well I asked my woman what could I do
To give her happy the
whole night through
She said the only
thing I want from you
Is a little, little
bit of your big bamboo
She likes a big, big bamboo
Bamboo
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay
Working for the Yankee dollar
When I give my woman some sugar cane
Sweet for my sweet, I did explain
She give it back, to my surprise
She said she like
flavor but not the size
She likes a big, big bamboo
Bamboo
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay
- We got the prints.
- Okay, and?
- There are two fingerprints
on the evidence items.
The first one is unknown,
which I'm assuming belongs
to the guy who survived
because they don't match
any of the three dead guys
from the crime scene.
Now brace yourself, Ma, because
the second print is a doozy.
- All right, come on, let it out.
This ain't a fuckin' game show.
- The second print belongs to Will Jordan.
- Will Jordan?
- Yep.
- Holy cow.
How?
Okay.
Go to Will's apartment right now.
- Okay.
- And Brock.
- [Brock] What?
- Hurry.
- They don't call me
the Flash for nothing.
- Yeah, then go, vamoose!
(eerie music)
- [Brock] Get in.
- Oh, shoot.
Hey, Brock!
You're gonna wanna come see this!
(intense music)
(organs squelching)
- You know Will and I didn't
always see eye to eye,
but he was my friend.
- I was hanging out
with him two weeks ago.
- I know you guys had your differences,
but me and Will, we were cool, man.
- We gotta get this
Copycat son of a bitch.
- Copycat? What are you talking about?
I thought the guy in
the hospital did this.
- The guy in the hospital is Copycat.
- Oh.
You think?
- Healy.
Call my mom.
Tell her about Will.
I'm gonna comb the room.
- Okay. But do you have a comb?
- What?
- I said, do you have a comb?
To comb the apartment?
- Healy, call my mom!
- Oh, okay.
Hello, Captain?
This is Healy.
- Yeah, yeah. Did you find Jordan?
- Yeah, we found him.
- Oh, good. How's he doing?
- He's dead.
- What?
- He's dead.
- Oh.
- Hello, Cap?
Cap?
- Yeah, yeah.
- What do you want us to do?
- Go directly to St. Mary's Hospital.
I got an officer stationed
outside that psychopath's door.
I'm gonna tell him to wait
there until you guys get there
and arrest Copycat.
- Okay, Cap.
- And hurry!
- Cap said-
- To head straight to St. Mary's Hospital.
- How'd you know that?
- Because that's where Copycat is.
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey.
(dramatic music)
- Dispatch.
Dispatch, this is
Detective Brock Callahan.
Please warn Detective Rod
that the patient that he is guarding
is in fact the Copycat Covid Killer.
Tell him to do not engage.
I repeat do not engage.
He is very dangerous.
Yes, tell him to wait for backup.
Wait for backup. Do not engage.
- Look who it is, Mulder and Scully.
- Shit. LOL.
- What, you lost so many brain cells
you speak in acronyms now?
- You think you're a funny guy, Brock,
but this crazy Mexican
don't take from a Boricua.
I ain't no punk ass bitch.
- [Blake] Hey, chill out.
- Excuse me, George Lopez.
I got a case to solve
and a killer to catch.
- Bendejo Flash.
- What's her deal? She dead too?
- She's just unconscious.
I was just gonna try-
(Nancy screams)
- Where the fuck?!
- Wake her.
- [Nancy] Who are you?
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay.
But he just killed her.
- [Brock] Yeah, I noticed that.
But what happened to Detective Rod?
- [Nancy] I don't know.
- [Blake] I think I found him.
- Damn!
- Talk about having a bad day.
- [Brock] Everybody around this guy died.
- [Blake] Except for her.
- Frueger.
Dr. Frueger.
- What?
- He is after Dr. Frueger.
- Who the fuck is Dr. Frueger?
- Dr. Frueger!
His doctor!
(phone ringing)
His doctor! Dr. Frueger!
- [Brock] Go get her! Go after her!
- I got her!
Hey, get over here!
(phone ringing)
- Okay, what's the story?
- We got here too late.
He's gone.
He killed Detective Rod and a nurse.
- Motherfucker!
- Damn, she got away!
- Grab Blake and Sanchez
and come straight here.
- All right.
- Holy shit.
Wanna see a real crime scene,
you gotta check out the bathroom.
- More bodies?
- Nope. There's shit everywhere.
Looks like a giant's ass exploded.
- He's not just a serial killer.
He's also a toilet bowl killer too.
- Give us a moment, please.
Thank you.
Everybody come in and take a seat.
Healy, close the door.
Okay.
Healy.
Sit the fuck down.
The reason I called you here
is because this Copycat
Covid Killer bullshit
has got to stop.
It's gotten outta hand.
I mean, on top of this lunatic
walking around killing people,
including two of our own,
well, now we got a weird bunch of people
that are calling
themselves the Covid Cult.
- The Covid Cult?
- Yeah. Yeah.
This organization's sole purpose
is to resurrect the Covid Killer.
- Come on, Cap.
I know you don't believe
in all that stuff.
- Fuck no.
But I know that there are people
out there that do believe.
If we don't put a stop to this,
they are gonna start
influencing these people
into committing a lot
of crimes to the point
where we won't have the
manpower to stop them.
This is where you guys come in.
I want Healy and Brock to
stay on the Copycat case
as the lead detectives.
And I want Blake and Sanchez
to stay on the Covid Cult investigation.
Any questions?
- I'm good. Can I leave?
- You two can.
Blake and Sanchez stay.
So...
- What's up, Cap?
- We got a tip that this cult
has been spending a lot of
time at St. Michael's Cemetery,
right next to the grave
of the Covid Killer.
If you could catch these individuals,
we could charge them with
desecration of a grave site
and put an end to this whole fiasco.
- Sounds like a plan.
- Go get those guys.
- We got this, Cap.
(energetic music)
- Welcome back to another exciting episode
of "Late Night with Graham and Edie."
I'm your host, Graham Jones.
- And I'm Edie Carmichael.
- And we have a lot of exciting
news you don't want to miss.
But first, the murder rate is
on the rise in New York State.
I bet you thought that
when the Covid Killer died
that the murders would stop.
Well, you thought wrong.
Just as there's a new
variant of the Covid virus,
there's also a new variant
of the Covid Killer.
This is a new Copycat Covid Killer.
The Copycat Covid Killer is
much like the Omicron variant
in many ways.
Much weaker, pathetic, and ineffective.
The Copycat Covid Killer.
I mean, what a joke,
to steal another serial killer's identity.
So pathetic.
- I know. Serial killers
in general are pathetic.
They only do it for the attention.
But to copy another serial killer?
That's just pitiful.
- I know, like, get your
own identity, you big idiot!
(laughs)
- [Edie] Well, in other news,
another serial killer causing mayhem
in the streets of New York
is the infamous Clown Killer,
who once again butchered
an old man walking home.
(eerie music)
- Cool mask.
You like skeletons?
Okay.
That'll be $10.80.
Do you want your change?
You don't talk much, do you?
Asshole.
(eerie music)
(car starts)
- [Healy] Wow, what a great funeral.
Right, Jimmy?
- Yeah, but nobody calls me that anymore.
- Yeah, I know.
But since it's a special occasion,
I figured maybe we can call each other
by the nicknames we had when we first met.
You, me, and Will.
- Okay, Bagels.
(Healy laughs)
- That's the spirit, Jimmy.
I knew I'd get a smile outta you.
- Pull over. I wanna show you something.
- Okay.
Wow.
Is this for us?
- Yeah.
I wanna make a toast in
memory of a Will B. S. Jordan.
- A non-alcoholic toast?
- Well, we are two recovering alcoholics.
- This is true.
- You see that?
That's peace.
Will used to bring me here
all the time and tell me that.
I never knew what he
meant by that until now.
- Well, now he's resting in peace.
You know, you never told me
why Will and you stopped talking.
- He filed a report against me,
claiming I was a corrupt, racist cop.
- What?
Why would he do that?
- It was a misunderstanding.
This happened during the summer
of the Covid Killer Fiasco.
We got a report on the radio
that a woman was being mugged
on Zerega Avenue in the Bronx.
My partner and I were in the
area, so we checked it out.
When we get there, there's a woman there,
she's pointing at a man
and she's screaming,
"The Covid Killer! The Covid Killer!"
so we chased after the guy
and we apprehended him.
Will Jordan, super cop,
arrives on the scene
and thinks we're profiling
the perp because he's black.
- [Healy] Get the hell outta here.
- I will admit that I did
use an unnecessary amount
of excessive force.
But you gotta understand,
we were under a lot of
pressure from Mayor de Blasio
to catch the Covid Killer
by any means necessary.
Those were his exact words.
It didn't help that my stupid
ass drunk druggie partner
was wearing a MAGA hat when
Will arrived on the scene.
You know what's funny?
- What?
- It wasn't even hers.
She took it off the perp and
put it on her head like a joke.
So Will arrests me and my
partner and lets the criminal go.
- He arrested you? Like with handcuffs?
- No, with fuckin' peanut butter.
Of course with handcuffs.
Anyway, you wouldn't
believe what happens next.
- What?
- [Brock] The real Covid
Killer pops up outta nowhere.
- Dang.
- It was so weird.
He just appeared on
the scene like a ghost.
- What did Will do?
- Him and his partner chased
after the Covid Killer.
That was that.
He never apologized to me.
That's the way Will was.
I'm sure he would
apologize to me eventually,
but he's never gonna get that chance now.
'Cause of this fuckin' Copycat.
- Don't worry, Brock.
We'll catch him.
We'll catch him.
- Voorhees?
- No, Bates.
- How you doing?
My name's Detective Blake.
That's my partner, Detective Sanchez.
We spoke over the phone.
- Yes, yes, right.
So you want to hear
about the the six weirdos
that were hanging around The
Covid Killer's grave site?
- Yeah.
- Follow me.
(uneasy music)
But like I told you over the
phone, there's not much to say.
The other afternoon, I
was coming back early
from my lunch break and
I see these six people
leaving Victor's grave site
and they were all dressed up
in these matching hooded robes.
- Did you speak to them?
- No, they creeped me out and they left.
- Did you ever see 'em again?
- No.
- Look, behind you.
Look over there.
- Excuse me. Can we ask
you people some questions?
Hey, come back here!
- They're pretty fast.
- Or we're really slow.
- Man, I'm no spring chicken,
but what's your problem?
Let's get outta here, man.
(thunder crashes)
(eerie music)
- Looks like your boy
hero done sold us out.
- Okay, what does that fuckin' mean?
Okay, we paid him good fuckin'
money to keep his mouth shut.
- Oh, yeah.
Oops.
- What do you mean, "Oops?"
- I kind of forgot to pay him.
- Okay, wait a second.
Are you saying kinda, or you didn't?
- Well, I was about to go
pay that son of a bitch,
but I forgot I hadn't
sharpened my kaiser blade.
- Steve. Oh my God.
Steven, you're fuckin'
sharpening your fuckin' blade.
What does that have anything to do
with paying fuckin' Harold?
- Well, I figured if things went south,
I might have to use it to cut him.
- What?
What do you mean?
What do you mean go south?
He's a groundskeeper.
He's not a fuckin' FBI agent!
And he's taken our money before.
- Don't call my blade stupid.
- What?
- I said don't you call-
- Oh. Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
No, I heard what fucking you said,
but it's fucking ridiculous.
In fact, you know what?
You can go fuckin' sharpen your
goddamn motherfuckin' blade
and you can shove it up
your fuckin' redneck ass!
- Oh, snap!
- Bitch.
- Your blade is stupid.
- All right, let's go.
Okay?
And next time we're coming at night
so we don't confront the fuzz.
(eerie music)
- Not this malarkey again.
- Same shit, different day.
(upbeat music)
- Hey, Nat.
- Hey, Bryan. You're here early today.
We got some new girls auditioning.
We just opened up.
Though it's just me.
I'll take care of you.
- No worries, Natasha.
Right now all I need is a drink.
- Don't worry, sweetie.
I got you.
Follow me.
- Oh, Natasha, I'll follow you anywhere.
- [Natasha] You're gassing me.
- Nah, you're hot.
- You tell that to all the girls.
- Well, every girl here is super hot.
- Oh, so now they're super hot.
What the fuck am I, chopped liver?
- Come on, now. You know what I mean.
- Whatever, Bryan.
(upbeat music continues)
I'm just gonna go and shake
my non-super hot ass on stage.
So, is that super hot
enough for you, Bryan?
- Of course, Nat. You're the shit.
- No. Horseshit.
- Look, look. Come on, Nat.
- Delicious, you're here!
Come here.
So this is the infamous Bryan.
I want you to take him back
and show him a good time.
- Oh, Bryan.
It will be my pleasure.
(upbeat music continues)
I've been waiting to tackle you, Bryan.
- Oh yeah? I bet you have.
- [Delicious] Yeah.
- Oh yeah. Come sit on Daddy's lap.
Right here.
All the girls say that
you have the biggest
wallet.
- Hey, yeah, yeah.
I have other big things too,
if you know what I mean.
- [Delicious] Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Well, let's see.
You like it, big Daddy?
- Oh, yeah, Mami.
- Do you want me to turn around?
- Oh, hell yeah, Mami,
let me see that gorgeous face of yours.
- You're my little bitch, right?
- Oh, yes.
I'm your bitch.
All right.
- I'm gonna make you come so hard
you're gonna scream like a little bitch.
- Yeah, that's what I like to hear.
(chilling music)
Oh, yeah.
Ooh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, oh, yeah. I like that.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
(screams)
- Damn, you actually
screamed like a little bitch!
(eerie music)
- So this motherfucker
disrespected me, right?
So I picked up my shit,
I hit him over the head.
Bang!
Went straight down.
And I said, "Let that be a
lesson to you, Crooked Eye."
(all laughing)
- Crooked Eye. I love that guy.
Every time you tell the story, Guchedo,
it just keeps getting better and better.
- What the fuck you doing here, pig?
- Want me to unload
this gun in your cabeza?
- Yeah, yeah, you're gonna
unload your little gun
into my quesadilla.
Go sit down, minions.
- Okay, okay, okay.
Calm down, now. Calm down.
Me and Detective Healy,
we're compadres now.
No, you go and take care of business.
- What's up, Captain?
- That's not my name
anymore. I'm The Terrorist.
- You're a terrorist?
- No! I'm not a terrorist.
I'm The Terrorist.
That's my new gang name.
- Your new gang name? What
are you talking about?
You used to be the captain
of the police force
and now you look like
a disgusting pervert.
- And you look like
Porky Pig, motherfucker.
- Yo, guys, guys, guys.
Let's keep it real with the Shmeal.
Look who it is, my favorite gringo.
Rockstar, cop wannabe.
- [Healy] Oh, stop.
You're making me blush.
- You know that I love you.
Even though you're a pig.
- You know you're my favorite gangbanger.
- That's kingpin gangbanger to you, Porky.
- Look who's talking.
Go sit down, you pipsqueak shrimp!
- Okay, let's have a drink.
Get him a chair.
- Sure.
- You're not gonna kill me though, right?
- Yo, Healy.
- Yeah?
- You got any brown sugar?
- No. What do you want brown sugar for?
- I don't know, let's see, my coffee.
- Why would I carry brown
sugar around in my pocket for?
- Fuck it, I don't know.
- So you want a shotgun, right?
- I need a sawed off shotgun.
- Oh, yeah, you told me on the phone.
Take care of him.
So what do you need a shotgun for?
- I have to take care of a very big man.
- Very big man like yourself?
Yeah, get the fuck outta here, Porky.
(all laughing)
(chilling music)
- We'll use the rope.
(urine tinkling)
(chilling music continues)
(Copycat breathing heavily)
- Now!
(Copycat grunts)
(Copycat groaning)
- Oh my God. I think we killed him.
We didn't kill him. He
probably just passed out.
- He's old. That's what they do.
They pass out.
- He didn't pass out.
We knocked him the fuck out!
- We should call the cops.
- I don't wanna get in trouble!
- Don't worry, Bobby.
You're not going to.
(intense music)
(Copycat groans)
(Copycat groaning)
- Later on in the dead of night,
this pentagram shall
resurrect the Covid Killer
by the blood moon's light!
- [Cultists] By the blood moon's light!
(thunder crashes)
(dramatic music)
- No! Do not touch that mask.
- Why? It's a cool mask.
I want it.
- No, Steven.
Because that mask must remain untouched
in order for the rituals to work.
- Yes, Empress Edie.
- No, shut up, Steven!
I am the empress.
I am the necromancer.
- [Cultists] The necromancer!
(dramatic music)
- We're closed.
(Copycat breathing heavily)
Sorry, buddy.
We're closed.
(Copycat breathing heavily)
Listen, buddy, you're
starting to creep me out.
You gotta get the fuck outta here.
Do you want something?
(chilling music)
Please don't kill me.
I'm sorry I called you an asshole.
I'm a rude person. I'm sorry!
(chilling music)
(cashier screams)
(eerie music)
(light music)
(door knocking)
- Six feet!
I don't mean to be disrespectful,
but I've caught Covid before
and I am not trying to
catch that shit again.
- No worries. I understand.
- Cool.
But wow, you guys actually came.
- Why wouldn't we?
- Because nobody believes me.
I get calls all the time from
people who claim to be cops,
and then when I go to open the door,
I get a bag of shit thrown in my face.
- I know that feeling.
- Well, we are real cops.
And I want to believe you
because if what you're saying is true,
that leads us one step closer
to catching the Copycat Covid Killer.
- Well, I am telling the truth.
Like I said in my video,
I don't have any proof,
but I can tell you exactly what I've seen.
- Go ahead.
- I was looking out my window.
My boy Floyd was sitting right here
and the stripper lady was right-
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
There was a man sitting here?
- Yeah. Why?
- Well, because that's another witness
that was actually outside and
not looking through a window.
- Well, yeah, but that guy's gone.
- What do you mean gone?
- He disappeared right
after that incident.
- That's weird.
- Stay weird.
- Just finish the story.
- So like I was saying,
stripper lady who lives over there in N5
was talking on her phone.
She looked like she was
trying to find her keys.
She looked scared.
Then right when she found her keys,
the Covid Killer came out of nowhere.
I don't know if she saw him,
but she jetted right into her apartment.
I thought it was gonna
attack her, but he didn't.
He just walked right by.
It was so strange.
But what was even stranger
was right after that,
Copycat Killer came out of nowhere
and walked right into her
place and closed the door.
And I guess that's when he killed her.
- That is a very strange story.
Almost unbelievable.
- See, I knew it.
I knew you weren't gonna believe me.
You're not gonna throw a
bag of shit at me, right?
- No.
I'm just trying to understand
their relationship.
Did it look like they knew each other?
- Well, and I'm just guessing here,
I don't think that Covid saw Copycat,
but Copycat had to have
seen Covid walk by the lady.
- Yeah.
- What's on your brain, partner?
- Copycat wasn't copying the Covid Killer.
He was trying to outdo him.
- Yeah.
- He was angry.
Probably jealous.
So that means the people Copy killed
were going to be Covid's next victims.
But Copy got to them first.
For some reason, he's obsessed
with the Covid Killer.
- Yeah, but how did Copy know
who Covid was gonna kill?
It's not like he had a list.
- Serial killers usually
stalk their victims
before they kill them.
- So that means copy was following Covid
while he was stalking his next victims.
- And since Covid only killed at night
and stalked the women during the day,
Copy had plenty of time
to beat him to the punch.
- Bingo.
- Why do serial killers
make up all these rules
they have to follow?
Like, they make it so
much harder for themselves
for no reason at all.
- Because they're stupid.
But Copycat's not like that.
He has no rules.
He kills anyone anywhere.
- Yeah, he sure killed that
bathroom back at the hospital.
- Cemetery.
First thing tomorrow.
We have to check out the cemetery.
- [Healy] Why?
- If Copy's obsessed with Covid,
he's probably gonna visit his tombstone.
- Why would he do that?
- Because people who have
obsessions with other people
usually can't let go.
Even when the person dies.
He's probably going to visit Covid's grave
to get some closure.
Thanks for your help, Corkster.
That's my card.
You have any more information, call me.
- You got it, my brother.
Oh. Oh.
Have a good day!
(eerie music)
- Just you and Graham Jones, Teddy.
Just you and I, bud.
We don't need no co-anchors.
We're gonna fist fuck this industry.
We're gonna take ourselves to the top.
Just you and I.
You ready, Teddy?
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna let Copycat get you.
All right?
We're not scared of no little
copycat killer, now are we?
Fuck him.
Don't worry, buddy.
Taking all this in?
Get it up in there.
Get up there, all right?
(eerie music continues)
- Oh, great.
Mork and Mindy's here.
- Cool! I like those guys.
- What are you guys doing here?
Cap said this was our case.
- We're not here for the cult.
By the way, Guillermo, shouldn't
you be with Jimmy Fallon?
- Jimmy Kimmel, you idiot.
- Man, all those white
Jimmys look the same.
- Brock thinks Copy was
here visiting Covid's grave.
- For what?
- Brock thinks Copy needs some closure.
- You gonna analyze that for prints?
- I already know whose
prints are on that mask.
Leave that mask exactly where it's at.
I don't want the cult
knowing that we came back.
- Are you coming back?
- No.
Copy's not coming back.
That's why he left the mask.
So there's no reason for me to return.
- Okay, Batman.
Oh, I'm sorry, Flash.
Hey, Healy.
- Yeah, what's up?
- I heard your bandmate
got attacked by Copy.
Is he okay?
- Yeah, he's okay.
He just got his guitar
broken, but he's okay.
He didn't get hurt or nothin', thank God.
- Okay, good.
- What are you still even a cop for?
If I was in a band, I wouldn't
be working this shit job.
- I like being a cop.
I like to help people.
See you guys later.
- That guy's a fuckin' weirdo.
- Nah, he's a genuinely nice guy.
I mean, a little naive, but nice.
- Alright, softy.
So what's next, partner?
Stakeout?
- Yep.
Day and night.
These guys are tricky.
What's that?
- I found it on the floor.
- [Blake] By Covid's tombstone?
- No, I found it over there.
- That's the groundskeeper's hat.
- [Sanchez] Yeah.
- When we get back, take it to the lab.
- All right, partner.
I'm on it.
(eerie music)
(crows cawing)
- So then she says, "Is
that your penis or what?"
(Edie laughs)
- You're so funny, Graham.
- I know, I know.
- And conceited.
- Of course.
I'm Graham Jones.
- I kinda like it.
- So, my place or yours?
- Yours.
I wanna see how the magnificent
Graham Jones resides.
- Of course you do.
Oh, and Betty,
you or your friend are
welcome to join us tonight.
- Keep trying, Graham, and
maybe one day you'll get lucky.
- I guess maybe you're
not drunk enough tonight.
- We will never be that drunk, Graham.
- Just you and I.
Off we go, my fair lady.
(women laughing)
All right, give me that.
- Here you go.
(Graham and Edie laughing)
- Oh, wait, where are my car keys?
Oh, oh, wait.
Here they are.
Oh, excuse me, sir. My apologies.
- Whoa, you're a big guy.
You're like a skyscraper.
- Well, good day, sir.
Watch out for King Kong,
you big vanilla gorilla.
(Edie laughs)
Nice mask. That'll stop the spread.
(Graham screams)
- [Edie] You're so funny, Graham.
You should've been a comedian.
(intense music)
(Edie screams)
(energetic music)
- This just in.
Last night, two more
people were brutally killed
by the ruthless Copycat Covid Killer.
And sadly, those two
people were news anchors
Graham Jones and Edie Carmichael.
They worked here at DKE News.
They were my colleagues,
they were my friends.
That brings the body count to 11 people
in just three short weeks.
Surveillance footage confirms
that this was indeed the
Copycat Covid Killer,
who's wearing a new mask with an image
of what looked like skeleton teeth.
The media is now referring
to him as the Omicron Killer,
because much like the variant disease,
this new killer is even more deadly
than his predecessor, the-
Listen, I don't give a fuck
what you Generation Alphas
call this motherfucker!
You need to find him and
you need to kill him!
- Cut the feed, cut the feed!
- I'm trying, I'm trying!
- Hurry, this bitch is losing it!
- I think this bitch is
gonna cost us both our jobs!
Ah, fuck it!
- He's a fucking disease
and we need to wipe him out!
(TV beeping)
- [Both] Ta-da!
- Introducing the new Warlock.
- Okay.
- What? You don't like it?
- It's fine.
But the two of you need a fucking life!
- Get a fucking life!
- Oh, snap!
- What the fuck are you doing?!
- I'm cutting the
watermelon like you said.
- Okay, I told you to use a knife.
Not a fuckin' sword!
- It's not a sword, it's a kaiser blade.
Some folks call it a sling blade,
but I call it a kaiser blade.
- You know what, Steven?
You really are a special kind of stupid!
- Not as stupid as you think I am, Edith.
- Yeah? Well, you know what?
Stop doing stupid shit!
- Okay, so, when are
we gonna do the ritual?
- We're doing the ritual in a few days
when the blood moon is near.
- The blood moon is near?
- Yes.
And this time, we're
doing it during the day
because those cops are
expecting us at night.
- But you just said we need to do it
when the blood moon is near.
- Yes! We're doing it
when it's near, okay?
We're not doing like
some Hollywood bullshit
when it's out and it
appears, okay, Steven?
We're doing it when it's near
because that's when it's a success.
- Yes, Empress Edie.
- She is the empress.
(eerie music)
- Hey, Healy.
- Yeah?
- Put the lights on for me.
- I can't do that. It's my squad car.
- But I think it's sexy.
- Still, I'm a police officer
and I could get in trouble.
You said after our fifth date
that you would put the lights on for me.
- [Healy] I said that? Really?
- Yes.
- This is our fifth date already?
- Yes!
- Wow.
- Besides, it really,
really, really turns me on.
- Turns you on? Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- All right, then!
(sirens blaring)
(eerie music)
- [Erica] Healy, help!
- What is it? What is it?
What's the matter? You all right?
- No, I'm not all right.
- What's the matter? I
heard you scream for help.
- I do need help.
I'm horny.
(Erica laughs)
- Oh, that's something
that I can help you with.
Why don't you come over here
and show me your nine millimeter?
- [Healy] Let me get some of
that vanilla milkshake, baby!
(Erica laughs)
Sexy!
- Later on in the dead of night,
this pentagram shall
resurrect the Covid Killer
by the blood moon's light!
- [Cultists] By the blood moon's light!
(dramatic music)
(knife slices)
(sirens blaring)
- Everybody freeze!
- [Sanchez] Freeze!
- Fuck you, motherfuckers!
- Stop!
- Put the gun down and we won't hurt you.
- Don't get one step closer
or I'll blow your fuckin'
brains out, bitch!
- There's two of us and only one of you.
You know how this is gonna end.
- Ah, fuck it!
(gun fires)
(guns firing)
- [Sanchez] Everyone, stop right there!
I'm gonna kill all you motherfuckers!
- [Blake] You have a
right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and
will be used against you
in a court of law.
- You have the right to an attorney.
If you cannot afford an attorney,
I have the right to put my
foot up your cult's ass.
Now, motherfuckers.
You have any questions?
- [Blake] Sanchez, enough.
(eerie music)
(Erica moans)
(dog barking)
(Erica moaning)
(dog barking)
- Midget, shut up!
(dog barking)
(dog whines)
(dark music)
Cindy, is that you?
Cindy?
Cindy, are you here?
(footsteps thumping)
Cindy?
(eerie music)
Cindy, are you here?
Cindy, are you fucking with me?
It's not funny.
(Copycat breathing heavily)
(Erica screams)
(intense music)
(eerie music)
(light music)
- Hey, partner. What's the dealio?
- [Brock] My mom wants
to see us right away.
- I'm ready. Let's go.
- Before we go, I have
to use the bathroom.
- Of course.
Mi casa es tu casa.
- Thanks. I have to leave a shit.
- Take a shit.
- What?
- Take a shit.
You said you gotta leave a shit.
You mean you wanna take a shit.
- I'm not taking it,
Healy. I'm leaving it.
- Oh.
Yeah, that makes sense.
(Krazy Klowny laughing)
- You still watch these
stupid YouTube videos
we used to make?
- Yes.
- Are you going to work?
- No.
- Then why are you
dressed as Krazy Klowny?
- I love being a clown.
Ever since I was a little
boy I wanted to be a clown.
There's something very
intriguing about being a clown.
- And creepy.
- You mean scary.
It is.
It is scary.
- So how'd your date go with Erica?
- Oh, it went great.
I think I'm in love, brah!
(eerie music)
- That's good.
I'm happy for you, Healy.
Me, I'm in love with the chase.
I'm in love with putting
scumbags behind bars.
Or in a fuckin' grave.
- Well, someone's gotta do it.
- [Louise] Well, it's about time.
You guys took long enough.
- Yeah, Brock had to
leave a shit in my house.
- What?
- So what's going on?
On the phone you said it was urgent.
- I think we got that motherfucker.
- Who?
Omicron?
- No, your fairy godmother.
- Of course the Omicron.
Anyway, we got a lead
from St. Mary's Hospital.
This security guard got
surveillance footage
of a giant man wearing
a skeleton Covid mask
entering the hospital on
two separate occasions.
Oh, and he said that both times
the guy just walked around
the hospital suspiciously
and then left.
And he said that the guy looked angry.
- Frueger.
- What?
- The nurse.
The nurse said, "I think
he's after Dr. Frueger."
- And you're just remembering this now?
God damn it, Brock!
We could've got that
son of a bitch days ago!
- Ma, you gotta understand.
There was a lot going on that day.
We had just discovered Will's
dead body, God rest his soul,
and then you send us to the
hospital to look for Omicron.
We get there, he's gone,
and killed two more people.
On top of that, I gotta deal
with the Hamburglar over here.
Then Nurse Nancy wakes up freaking out.
"Omicron's after Frueger."
And then you call me on the
phone, "Bring the whole crew."
It's a lot.
So, excuse me, Ma, if it
kinda slipped my mind.
- And let's not forget all the shit
Omicron left in the bathroom.
- What?
- Oh, yeah, apparently Omicron
defecated the entire bathroom
with his shit before he left.
- Okay.
So find out who this Dr.
Frueger is and contact him.
'Cause we gotta get to
him before Omicron does.
- Okay.
- And now listen. Listen to me.
With all the information that we now have,
there is no doubt that we
are gonna catch this guy
in the next couple of days.
When you catch him and you
know it's either him or you,
I want you to look him
dead in the eyes and say,
"This is for Will Jordan,
you variant scum,"
and then shoot that motherfucker
right between the eyes!
- How about I say, "Hasta la vista, baby."
- No.
No.
This isn't a movie.
Just say what I told you, Brock.
- If it's not a movie,
then why am I saying a cool
line before I blow him away?
- What if you say, "Goodbye, nio?"
- What?
Why?
Why would he say that?
- Because that's what "Hasta
la vista, baby" actually means.
"Goodbye, nio."
So he should say, "Goodbye,
nio," and then shoot him!
- I'm not saying that corny ass line.
- Corny?
You wanna say a cheesy line
from a 90s Schwarzenegger movie
and you're calling my line corny?
- Arnold Schwarzenegger is
the greatest action hero
who ever lived.
- Wrong. John Wayne is.
- John Wayne?
- Yeah.
- What fuckin' meds are you on?
- Your fuckin' mother's meds!
- Don't talk about my
mother, you fuckin' troll!
- Then don't talk about
my medical condition!
- Stop!
Are you guys super stupid?
I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a fuck if you say
"rubber baby buggy bumpers."
Just get the son of a bitch!
- Nice.
"Last Action Hero."
- Brock, get the outta here and
take special needs with you.
- Don't worry, I'm gonna
get that motherfucker.
- I just wanna apologize
to you, Ms. Callahan.
I got so worked up before.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean it.
- Aw.
Thank you, Healy.
But I could give two shits
what you say about me.
I got no feelings.
Hey, you wanna do me a favor?
Catch the Omicron Killer.
- Don't worry, Cap.
When we catch the Omicron,
I'm gonna bitch slap him
like he was Chris Rock.
- Groovy.
(eerie music)
(gun cocks)
(suspenseful music)
(gun fires)
(intense music)
(Copycat and Brock groaning)
(Brock coughing)
(Brock coughs)
(Copycat shouts)
- Hey, big guy!
Get away from him, you bitch!
(Copycats breathing heavily)
(gun clicks)
(gun fires)
Now you got no leg to stand on!
Brock!
What cool line you gonna say now?
- You have the right to remain silent.
- Classic.
- Anything you say can and
will be used against you
in a court of law.
You have the right to an attorney.
If you can't afford an attorney,
one will be provided for you.
Do you understand these rights
that I've just read to you?
With these rights in mind,
do you wish to speak and
answer any questions?
- Goodbye, nio.
(eerie music)
(ground breaking)
(intense music)
(intense electronic music)
(Graham groaning)
Fat fuck!
(Graham groaning)
Can't kill me, fat boy!
I'm Graham Jones, bitch!
Omicron
Covid Psycho Killer,
Killer, Killer, Killer
Omicron
Covid Psycho Killer,
Killer, Killer, Killer
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
Omicron
Covid Psycho Killer,
Killer, Killer, Killer
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
It's the most fun I ever had
Making people beg for their lives
Please don't kill me
Please don't kill me
Please don't kill me
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
Demented mind
Too many personalities
All at the same time
One crazier than the next
Hmm
Who should kill next
(eerie music)
(dark music)
(sinister music)
(door creaks)
(water flowing)
(sinister music continues)
- [Pippen] Will, take the shot!
Take the fucking shot!
(gun firing)
- [Reporter] Well, New
York, it's a great day.
The Covid Killer is dead.
He was shot by Detective Will Jordan.
But the bad news is the
Copycat Covid Killer
is still out there,
and he's much more of a vicious
killer than Covid ever was.
He doesn't only kill at night.
He kills in broad daylight.
So please stay inside and lock your doors.
(uneasy music)
- So this is a bit of
interesting news this morning.
Today is the one year anniversary
of the Covid Killer's death.
And it seems that the
Covid Killer has built up
quite the fan base in
the year since his death.
He is currently trending
all over social media.
I guess he got what he wanted, notoriety.
Too bad I can't say the same
about the Copycat Covid Killer.
No one has spoken a word
about that guy since,
well, right now.
(organs squelching)
In other news, the new Omicron
variant is on the rise.
So when you get the chance,
please get vaccinated
so we can get this pandemic under control.
Speaking of vaccines, you
should also get your flu shot.
The holidays are coming up
and you sure don't want to get sick
and miss all the good food
your family and friends are cooking up.
I sure don't.
(dark music)
(men speaking indistinctly)
- Hey!
What do we got here?
(laughs)
An albino gorilla.
(laughs)
- Take out your wallet
and give me all the money
you've got in your pockets, man.
(uneasy music)
- What the fuck is wrong with you?
I think he's retarded.
- Hey, we don't need to
be politically incorrect.
We don't say retard. We
say mentally challenged.
- I don't give a fuck what he is.
As long as he gives us his fuckin' money.
- Yeah, white boy.
Give us your money so you can leave.
- Yeah, you could be on your way.
To the zoo 'cause you're
a filthy fuckin' animal!
(laughs)
- You think this is a fuckin' game?
You mad that I knocked down your candy?
(intense music)
- Oh, shit!
- What the fuck was that?!
- Holy shit, bro!
Holy shit, man! You see that?
Let's go do this, man!
(man groaning)
(crowbar clangs)
(man groans)
Oh, shit!
Oh!
(bat thumping)
(dramatic music)
- So, what's going on here?
- Well, from what I can gather,
it looks like these three gentlemen
tried to rob that individual over there
and they were unsuccessful.
- Huh.
Unsuccessful is an understatement.
- To say the least.
- So did Doughboy over there
supply you with this information
or did you just Sherlock Holmes this shit?
- Come on, Cap.
You know we Sherlock Holmes this shit.
We're the dynamic dual.
- So has the victim spoken at all yet?
- Not a word.
Think he's in shock?
- He's in shock?
Right.
Okay.
Okay.
Take that man to the hospital
and take the three stooges
here to the morgue.
Oh, and be sure that you send an officer
to keep an an eye on
El Gigante over there.
Well, there's something
about this whole scenario
that rubs me the wrong way.
So what's this?
- I don't know.
Those items were just lying on the ground
when we got to the scene.
Do you think they're relevant to the case?
- What do you think?
- I don't know.
- Everything is relevant to a
crime scene, my dear Watson.
Everything!
Bring these items to
my office immediately!
Ugh.
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
- Yeah, hold on.
Yeah, wait.
Kayla, your count.
- We have a slight bump on down. Ready?
(uneasy music)
- Hey, don't touch.
You're only going to aggravate it.
- Damn, girl.
If looks could kill, you'd be dead.
- Be nice.
You just relax, okay?
And everything's fine.
(uneasy music continues)
- So this is it?
- Yes.
- You never told us how he killed her.
Why?
- What do you mean why?
He's a serial killer.
They kill anybody.
- Not always.
- He was mad at my grandma
just because he bumped
into her in a gas station
and she called him stupid.
- So you've seen him?
- Yes.
- Cool.
- I called him stupid too
because he was big, mean, and ugly!
- So how did he kill her?
- One night he followed her home.
She forgot to lock the door
and then he bashed her
head with a big hammer!
- Dang. That's messed up.
But don't worry, Bobby.
The cops will get that son a of a bitch.
- Excuse me, young man.
Do you think you should be cursing?
- Mind your damn business, lady!
- Really?
This is my place of business.
Get the fuck outta here!
(thunder crashes)
(laughs)
(crows cawing)
(eerie music)
(dramatic music)
(Edie chanting)
- At the stroke of midnight
when the blood moon's bright,
casting the wickedest spell,
summoning the Covid Killer from Hell.
The resurrection has
begun for the unholy one!
- [Cultists] Unholy one!
- You paid the price with
your bloody sacrifice.
Chanting from the book,
suddenly the earth shook.
When the rituals is done,
we will have some fun.
Here is where evil dwells
in the deepest of all wells!
- [Cultists] In the deepest of all wells!
- Later on in the dead of night,
this pentagram shall
resurrect the Covid Killer
by the blood moon's light!
- [Cultists] By the blood moon's light!
(Edie chanting)
(dramatic music continues)
(uneasy music)
- So how are we doing today?
Allow me to introduce myself.
I'm Dr. Frueger.
I'm your primary physician
here at St. Mary's Hospital.
Your name is
John Doe.
Huh.
Seems we have no information
on you whatsoever.
We can start with your name.
What's your name?
How am I supposed to treat you, Mr. Doe,
if I don't know anything about
you or your medical history?
Huh?
I understand now what I'm dealing with.
Good day, Mr. Doe.
Nurse will be in here shortly.
(door shuts)
- Hello.
- Hello.
How are you doing?
- Oh, I'm exhausted. Lotta work.
- I know the feeling well.
You're beautiful.
- Oh.
- So how old are you?
- It's impolite to ask
a lady how old are they.
- That is true.
- I'm ageless.
10 years from now I'm still
going to be look like this.
(Detective Rod laughs)
Can you give me something?
- What would you like?
- I like black coffee.
Strong, strong, strong.
Black coffee.
- Anything else?
- Yes.
I love surprises.
- Surprise coming right up.
- Yeah, take your time.
You have all the time in the world. Go!
- I will take my time.
- Go, Go!
(uneasy music)
(toilet flushing)
(Copycat shaking)
- Shh.
Relax, relax.
Relax.
Relax.
I sense something off with you.
You're different.
But our world is beautiful
because we're all different.
How was your childhood?
Your parents loved you?
It's okay.
Somehow I understand you're perfect.
Your pain.
But now you're safe.
You're in a safe place.
I will take good care of you, okay?
You just relax.
Trust me.
(dramatic music)
- What's up, Ma?
- Oh.
Yeah.
Yeah, anybody here heard
from Will Jordan recently?
- Nope.
- You know I don't speak to Will anymore.
- Yeah, yeah, I know that.
But have you at least seen him
in the last couple of days?
- No. Why?
- Well, because he hasn't reported to work
for the past few days and
nobody's heard from him.
- Well, if we hear from
him, we'll let you know.
- Okay.
- I'm assuming that's for me.
- Oh, yeah.
Take these items to forensics
and have them analyze
them for fingerprints.
- Okay.
- Oh, there's one more thing.
- What?
- You guys are now permanent.
- What do you mean permanent?
- Meaning that you are permanent partners.
- Awesome!
- I mean, come on.
You've been partners on
and off for like a year.
I mean, this guy has
been all over the place.
I think he's partnered with
every cop in this precinct.
- I wonder why.
Because I'm cool.
- Yeah, right.
Well, the higher ups are tired of you
ping ponging all over the place,
so you guys are officially hitched.
Hey, congratulations!
- Thank you, Captain, and
congratulations to you too.
- Get the fuck outta here, Healy.
- Healy, come on.
Where's your other glove?
- I need two?
(machine beeping)
- Stop babying him, Nancy.
- But he needs help.
- He always needs help.
Let me deal with it.
What seems to be the problem, Mr. Doe?
Three days and you still can't speak.
What am I supposed to do?
Guess what it is that you want?
What's that?
Oh, you want strawberries, huh?
Well, strawberries it is.
Everything's coming up strawberries.
Strawberries.
Yum, yum, yum.
Yum, yum, yum.
Strawberries.
(Dr. Frueger grunting)
Strawberries.
- Everything okay in there, doctor?
- Yes, yes.
Everything's fine.
Go to sleep, quiet one.
Better to sleep than to weep.
Sweet nightmares, Mr. Doe.
Sweet nightmares.
(rain falling)
- I'd trip him so that when he falls,
I could jump on top of him
and bash his head with his hammer.
- Are you freaking nuts?
That's stupid.
- No, it's not.
It's a great plan.
- You really think you're
gonna kill this guy?
You're like eight years
old. You can't do this.
- Why not?
- Well, for one, killing is wrong.
Even if he is a bad guy.
And two, you're a kid.
Copycat's a big guy.
- He'd squash you like a bug!
- Plus, how are you gonna find him?
You don't know where he lives.
- I don't, but I've seen
him one time at the cemetery
where my grandma's at.
He was in the back staring at a tombstone.
When he left, I went
over to the tombstone.
It was the Covid Killer's tombstone!
So you guys are not gonna help me?
- We'll help you, Bobby.
- What? Are you loco?
- But not to kill him. To trap him.
Then we'll call the police.
(chilling music)
(chilling music continues)
(person laughing)
(person laughing)
(person laughing)
(person laughing)
One, two crazy clowns comin' for you
Three, four, you better lock your door
I know, I know. It's not my song.
Copyrights.
But I got my own song.
Fuck you, Freddy.
You can't hide and you can't run
'Cause Krazy Klowny
wants to have some fun
Chopping and grinding to the bone
I'm not ET, you can't phone home
Oh, you don't like the atmosphere?
How 'bout a change of scenery?
(intense music)
Now I lay you down to bed
Before I cut off your bloody head
It's Krazy Klowny time, kids!
You think I need that ax to kill you?
(laughs)
That's just for show.
All I need are these bare hands.
(Copycat grunts)
(Krazy Klowny laughs)
(ax clangs)
(crowbar clangs)
I lied.
I did need the ax.
(Copycat screams)
(Krazy Klowny laughs)
(Copycat coughing)
- Are you okay?!
Relax.
I told you you're safe here!
Just breathe, please.
Told you I'm taking care of you.
Don't worry.
- Oh, look, it's Beauty and the Beast.
But don't let anyone ever
call you Beast, Nancy.
(Lori laughs)
- Doctor, be nice.
- For a guy who can't speak,
you sure have a way with the ladies.
What do you say, Nurse Lori?
Is he also your type?
- No. I don't do ugly.
- Unlike you, Mr. Doe.
(bone cracks)
(Dr. Frueger groans)
I dabble in pain.
- Doctor!
- Nance!
Stay in your fuckin' lane.
(Dr. Frueger groans)
Nurse Lori, can you please get someone
to clean up Mr. Doe's restroom?
Looks like he shit himself
again and left it everywhere.
- Right away, Dr. Frueger.
Oh!
You're a disgusting piece of garbage.
- Shh.
It's okay. It's okay.
Shh.
Shh.
- Hey, go see what your
boy did in the bathroom.
- No, not again.
Damn, boy, what'd you eat?
Wanna tell me something?
What's up?
(upbeat music)
- What's the deal with the Kit Kat?
- I like it.
- You like it?
- Yeah, it makes for a good combination
with the Simply Lemonade.
- What's the deal, Ma?
I know you didn't call us here
to talk about your two favorite snacks.
- Well, sorta.
The print analysis for my
new favorite snacks is ready.
So cross reference them
with the three amigos
from the crime scene.
- Okay, I could do that.
Anything else?
I'm good, Ma. Thank you.
I'll see you later.
(Healy sighs)
What are you doing?
- Hey.
Your mom's a real funny lass.
- Yeah, she's a real fuckin' comedian.
(intense music)
(Copycat screams)
- What are you doing?
Get your Sasquatch ass off the-
(neck cracks)
- What the fuck do you
think you're doing, huh?!
(Copycat screams)
(jaunty music)
Well I asked my woman what could I do
To give her happy the
whole night through
She said the only
thing I want from you
Is a little, little
bit of your big bamboo
She likes a big, big bamboo
Bamboo
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay
Working for the Yankee dollar
When I give my woman some sugar cane
Sweet for my sweet, I did explain
She give it back, to my surprise
She said she like
flavor but not the size
She likes a big, big bamboo
Bamboo
Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay
- We got the prints.
- Okay, and?
- There are two fingerprints
on the evidence items.
The first one is unknown,
which I'm assuming belongs
to the guy who survived
because they don't match
any of the three dead guys
from the crime scene.
Now brace yourself, Ma, because
the second print is a doozy.
- All right, come on, let it out.
This ain't a fuckin' game show.
- The second print belongs to Will Jordan.
- Will Jordan?
- Yep.
- Holy cow.
How?
Okay.
Go to Will's apartment right now.
- Okay.
- And Brock.
- [Brock] What?
- Hurry.
- They don't call me
the Flash for nothing.
- Yeah, then go, vamoose!
(eerie music)
- [Brock] Get in.
- Oh, shoot.
Hey, Brock!
You're gonna wanna come see this!
(intense music)
(organs squelching)
- You know Will and I didn't
always see eye to eye,
but he was my friend.
- I was hanging out
with him two weeks ago.
- I know you guys had your differences,
but me and Will, we were cool, man.
- We gotta get this
Copycat son of a bitch.
- Copycat? What are you talking about?
I thought the guy in
the hospital did this.
- The guy in the hospital is Copycat.
- Oh.
You think?
- Healy.
Call my mom.
Tell her about Will.
I'm gonna comb the room.
- Okay. But do you have a comb?
- What?
- I said, do you have a comb?
To comb the apartment?
- Healy, call my mom!
- Oh, okay.
Hello, Captain?
This is Healy.
- Yeah, yeah. Did you find Jordan?
- Yeah, we found him.
- Oh, good. How's he doing?
- He's dead.
- What?
- He's dead.
- Oh.
- Hello, Cap?
Cap?
- Yeah, yeah.
- What do you want us to do?
- Go directly to St. Mary's Hospital.
I got an officer stationed
outside that psychopath's door.
I'm gonna tell him to wait
there until you guys get there
and arrest Copycat.
- Okay, Cap.
- And hurry!
- Cap said-
- To head straight to St. Mary's Hospital.
- How'd you know that?
- Because that's where Copycat is.
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey.
(dramatic music)
- Dispatch.
Dispatch, this is
Detective Brock Callahan.
Please warn Detective Rod
that the patient that he is guarding
is in fact the Copycat Covid Killer.
Tell him to do not engage.
I repeat do not engage.
He is very dangerous.
Yes, tell him to wait for backup.
Wait for backup. Do not engage.
- Look who it is, Mulder and Scully.
- Shit. LOL.
- What, you lost so many brain cells
you speak in acronyms now?
- You think you're a funny guy, Brock,
but this crazy Mexican
don't take from a Boricua.
I ain't no punk ass bitch.
- [Blake] Hey, chill out.
- Excuse me, George Lopez.
I got a case to solve
and a killer to catch.
- Bendejo Flash.
- What's her deal? She dead too?
- She's just unconscious.
I was just gonna try-
(Nancy screams)
- Where the fuck?!
- Wake her.
- [Nancy] Who are you?
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay.
But he just killed her.
- [Brock] Yeah, I noticed that.
But what happened to Detective Rod?
- [Nancy] I don't know.
- [Blake] I think I found him.
- Damn!
- Talk about having a bad day.
- [Brock] Everybody around this guy died.
- [Blake] Except for her.
- Frueger.
Dr. Frueger.
- What?
- He is after Dr. Frueger.
- Who the fuck is Dr. Frueger?
- Dr. Frueger!
His doctor!
(phone ringing)
His doctor! Dr. Frueger!
- [Brock] Go get her! Go after her!
- I got her!
Hey, get over here!
(phone ringing)
- Okay, what's the story?
- We got here too late.
He's gone.
He killed Detective Rod and a nurse.
- Motherfucker!
- Damn, she got away!
- Grab Blake and Sanchez
and come straight here.
- All right.
- Holy shit.
Wanna see a real crime scene,
you gotta check out the bathroom.
- More bodies?
- Nope. There's shit everywhere.
Looks like a giant's ass exploded.
- He's not just a serial killer.
He's also a toilet bowl killer too.
- Give us a moment, please.
Thank you.
Everybody come in and take a seat.
Healy, close the door.
Okay.
Healy.
Sit the fuck down.
The reason I called you here
is because this Copycat
Covid Killer bullshit
has got to stop.
It's gotten outta hand.
I mean, on top of this lunatic
walking around killing people,
including two of our own,
well, now we got a weird bunch of people
that are calling
themselves the Covid Cult.
- The Covid Cult?
- Yeah. Yeah.
This organization's sole purpose
is to resurrect the Covid Killer.
- Come on, Cap.
I know you don't believe
in all that stuff.
- Fuck no.
But I know that there are people
out there that do believe.
If we don't put a stop to this,
they are gonna start
influencing these people
into committing a lot
of crimes to the point
where we won't have the
manpower to stop them.
This is where you guys come in.
I want Healy and Brock to
stay on the Copycat case
as the lead detectives.
And I want Blake and Sanchez
to stay on the Covid Cult investigation.
Any questions?
- I'm good. Can I leave?
- You two can.
Blake and Sanchez stay.
So...
- What's up, Cap?
- We got a tip that this cult
has been spending a lot of
time at St. Michael's Cemetery,
right next to the grave
of the Covid Killer.
If you could catch these individuals,
we could charge them with
desecration of a grave site
and put an end to this whole fiasco.
- Sounds like a plan.
- Go get those guys.
- We got this, Cap.
(energetic music)
- Welcome back to another exciting episode
of "Late Night with Graham and Edie."
I'm your host, Graham Jones.
- And I'm Edie Carmichael.
- And we have a lot of exciting
news you don't want to miss.
But first, the murder rate is
on the rise in New York State.
I bet you thought that
when the Covid Killer died
that the murders would stop.
Well, you thought wrong.
Just as there's a new
variant of the Covid virus,
there's also a new variant
of the Covid Killer.
This is a new Copycat Covid Killer.
The Copycat Covid Killer is
much like the Omicron variant
in many ways.
Much weaker, pathetic, and ineffective.
The Copycat Covid Killer.
I mean, what a joke,
to steal another serial killer's identity.
So pathetic.
- I know. Serial killers
in general are pathetic.
They only do it for the attention.
But to copy another serial killer?
That's just pitiful.
- I know, like, get your
own identity, you big idiot!
(laughs)
- [Edie] Well, in other news,
another serial killer causing mayhem
in the streets of New York
is the infamous Clown Killer,
who once again butchered
an old man walking home.
(eerie music)
- Cool mask.
You like skeletons?
Okay.
That'll be $10.80.
Do you want your change?
You don't talk much, do you?
Asshole.
(eerie music)
(car starts)
- [Healy] Wow, what a great funeral.
Right, Jimmy?
- Yeah, but nobody calls me that anymore.
- Yeah, I know.
But since it's a special occasion,
I figured maybe we can call each other
by the nicknames we had when we first met.
You, me, and Will.
- Okay, Bagels.
(Healy laughs)
- That's the spirit, Jimmy.
I knew I'd get a smile outta you.
- Pull over. I wanna show you something.
- Okay.
Wow.
Is this for us?
- Yeah.
I wanna make a toast in
memory of a Will B. S. Jordan.
- A non-alcoholic toast?
- Well, we are two recovering alcoholics.
- This is true.
- You see that?
That's peace.
Will used to bring me here
all the time and tell me that.
I never knew what he
meant by that until now.
- Well, now he's resting in peace.
You know, you never told me
why Will and you stopped talking.
- He filed a report against me,
claiming I was a corrupt, racist cop.
- What?
Why would he do that?
- It was a misunderstanding.
This happened during the summer
of the Covid Killer Fiasco.
We got a report on the radio
that a woman was being mugged
on Zerega Avenue in the Bronx.
My partner and I were in the
area, so we checked it out.
When we get there, there's a woman there,
she's pointing at a man
and she's screaming,
"The Covid Killer! The Covid Killer!"
so we chased after the guy
and we apprehended him.
Will Jordan, super cop,
arrives on the scene
and thinks we're profiling
the perp because he's black.
- [Healy] Get the hell outta here.
- I will admit that I did
use an unnecessary amount
of excessive force.
But you gotta understand,
we were under a lot of
pressure from Mayor de Blasio
to catch the Covid Killer
by any means necessary.
Those were his exact words.
It didn't help that my stupid
ass drunk druggie partner
was wearing a MAGA hat when
Will arrived on the scene.
You know what's funny?
- What?
- It wasn't even hers.
She took it off the perp and
put it on her head like a joke.
So Will arrests me and my
partner and lets the criminal go.
- He arrested you? Like with handcuffs?
- No, with fuckin' peanut butter.
Of course with handcuffs.
Anyway, you wouldn't
believe what happens next.
- What?
- [Brock] The real Covid
Killer pops up outta nowhere.
- Dang.
- It was so weird.
He just appeared on
the scene like a ghost.
- What did Will do?
- Him and his partner chased
after the Covid Killer.
That was that.
He never apologized to me.
That's the way Will was.
I'm sure he would
apologize to me eventually,
but he's never gonna get that chance now.
'Cause of this fuckin' Copycat.
- Don't worry, Brock.
We'll catch him.
We'll catch him.
- Voorhees?
- No, Bates.
- How you doing?
My name's Detective Blake.
That's my partner, Detective Sanchez.
We spoke over the phone.
- Yes, yes, right.
So you want to hear
about the the six weirdos
that were hanging around The
Covid Killer's grave site?
- Yeah.
- Follow me.
(uneasy music)
But like I told you over the
phone, there's not much to say.
The other afternoon, I
was coming back early
from my lunch break and
I see these six people
leaving Victor's grave site
and they were all dressed up
in these matching hooded robes.
- Did you speak to them?
- No, they creeped me out and they left.
- Did you ever see 'em again?
- No.
- Look, behind you.
Look over there.
- Excuse me. Can we ask
you people some questions?
Hey, come back here!
- They're pretty fast.
- Or we're really slow.
- Man, I'm no spring chicken,
but what's your problem?
Let's get outta here, man.
(thunder crashes)
(eerie music)
- Looks like your boy
hero done sold us out.
- Okay, what does that fuckin' mean?
Okay, we paid him good fuckin'
money to keep his mouth shut.
- Oh, yeah.
Oops.
- What do you mean, "Oops?"
- I kind of forgot to pay him.
- Okay, wait a second.
Are you saying kinda, or you didn't?
- Well, I was about to go
pay that son of a bitch,
but I forgot I hadn't
sharpened my kaiser blade.
- Steve. Oh my God.
Steven, you're fuckin'
sharpening your fuckin' blade.
What does that have anything to do
with paying fuckin' Harold?
- Well, I figured if things went south,
I might have to use it to cut him.
- What?
What do you mean?
What do you mean go south?
He's a groundskeeper.
He's not a fuckin' FBI agent!
And he's taken our money before.
- Don't call my blade stupid.
- What?
- I said don't you call-
- Oh. Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
No, I heard what fucking you said,
but it's fucking ridiculous.
In fact, you know what?
You can go fuckin' sharpen your
goddamn motherfuckin' blade
and you can shove it up
your fuckin' redneck ass!
- Oh, snap!
- Bitch.
- Your blade is stupid.
- All right, let's go.
Okay?
And next time we're coming at night
so we don't confront the fuzz.
(eerie music)
- Not this malarkey again.
- Same shit, different day.
(upbeat music)
- Hey, Nat.
- Hey, Bryan. You're here early today.
We got some new girls auditioning.
We just opened up.
Though it's just me.
I'll take care of you.
- No worries, Natasha.
Right now all I need is a drink.
- Don't worry, sweetie.
I got you.
Follow me.
- Oh, Natasha, I'll follow you anywhere.
- [Natasha] You're gassing me.
- Nah, you're hot.
- You tell that to all the girls.
- Well, every girl here is super hot.
- Oh, so now they're super hot.
What the fuck am I, chopped liver?
- Come on, now. You know what I mean.
- Whatever, Bryan.
(upbeat music continues)
I'm just gonna go and shake
my non-super hot ass on stage.
So, is that super hot
enough for you, Bryan?
- Of course, Nat. You're the shit.
- No. Horseshit.
- Look, look. Come on, Nat.
- Delicious, you're here!
Come here.
So this is the infamous Bryan.
I want you to take him back
and show him a good time.
- Oh, Bryan.
It will be my pleasure.
(upbeat music continues)
I've been waiting to tackle you, Bryan.
- Oh yeah? I bet you have.
- [Delicious] Yeah.
- Oh yeah. Come sit on Daddy's lap.
Right here.
All the girls say that
you have the biggest
wallet.
- Hey, yeah, yeah.
I have other big things too,
if you know what I mean.
- [Delicious] Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Well, let's see.
You like it, big Daddy?
- Oh, yeah, Mami.
- Do you want me to turn around?
- Oh, hell yeah, Mami,
let me see that gorgeous face of yours.
- You're my little bitch, right?
- Oh, yes.
I'm your bitch.
All right.
- I'm gonna make you come so hard
you're gonna scream like a little bitch.
- Yeah, that's what I like to hear.
(chilling music)
Oh, yeah.
Ooh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, oh, yeah. I like that.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
(screams)
- Damn, you actually
screamed like a little bitch!
(eerie music)
- So this motherfucker
disrespected me, right?
So I picked up my shit,
I hit him over the head.
Bang!
Went straight down.
And I said, "Let that be a
lesson to you, Crooked Eye."
(all laughing)
- Crooked Eye. I love that guy.
Every time you tell the story, Guchedo,
it just keeps getting better and better.
- What the fuck you doing here, pig?
- Want me to unload
this gun in your cabeza?
- Yeah, yeah, you're gonna
unload your little gun
into my quesadilla.
Go sit down, minions.
- Okay, okay, okay.
Calm down, now. Calm down.
Me and Detective Healy,
we're compadres now.
No, you go and take care of business.
- What's up, Captain?
- That's not my name
anymore. I'm The Terrorist.
- You're a terrorist?
- No! I'm not a terrorist.
I'm The Terrorist.
That's my new gang name.
- Your new gang name? What
are you talking about?
You used to be the captain
of the police force
and now you look like
a disgusting pervert.
- And you look like
Porky Pig, motherfucker.
- Yo, guys, guys, guys.
Let's keep it real with the Shmeal.
Look who it is, my favorite gringo.
Rockstar, cop wannabe.
- [Healy] Oh, stop.
You're making me blush.
- You know that I love you.
Even though you're a pig.
- You know you're my favorite gangbanger.
- That's kingpin gangbanger to you, Porky.
- Look who's talking.
Go sit down, you pipsqueak shrimp!
- Okay, let's have a drink.
Get him a chair.
- Sure.
- You're not gonna kill me though, right?
- Yo, Healy.
- Yeah?
- You got any brown sugar?
- No. What do you want brown sugar for?
- I don't know, let's see, my coffee.
- Why would I carry brown
sugar around in my pocket for?
- Fuck it, I don't know.
- So you want a shotgun, right?
- I need a sawed off shotgun.
- Oh, yeah, you told me on the phone.
Take care of him.
So what do you need a shotgun for?
- I have to take care of a very big man.
- Very big man like yourself?
Yeah, get the fuck outta here, Porky.
(all laughing)
(chilling music)
- We'll use the rope.
(urine tinkling)
(chilling music continues)
(Copycat breathing heavily)
- Now!
(Copycat grunts)
(Copycat groaning)
- Oh my God. I think we killed him.
We didn't kill him. He
probably just passed out.
- He's old. That's what they do.
They pass out.
- He didn't pass out.
We knocked him the fuck out!
- We should call the cops.
- I don't wanna get in trouble!
- Don't worry, Bobby.
You're not going to.
(intense music)
(Copycat groans)
(Copycat groaning)
- Later on in the dead of night,
this pentagram shall
resurrect the Covid Killer
by the blood moon's light!
- [Cultists] By the blood moon's light!
(thunder crashes)
(dramatic music)
- No! Do not touch that mask.
- Why? It's a cool mask.
I want it.
- No, Steven.
Because that mask must remain untouched
in order for the rituals to work.
- Yes, Empress Edie.
- No, shut up, Steven!
I am the empress.
I am the necromancer.
- [Cultists] The necromancer!
(dramatic music)
- We're closed.
(Copycat breathing heavily)
Sorry, buddy.
We're closed.
(Copycat breathing heavily)
Listen, buddy, you're
starting to creep me out.
You gotta get the fuck outta here.
Do you want something?
(chilling music)
Please don't kill me.
I'm sorry I called you an asshole.
I'm a rude person. I'm sorry!
(chilling music)
(cashier screams)
(eerie music)
(light music)
(door knocking)
- Six feet!
I don't mean to be disrespectful,
but I've caught Covid before
and I am not trying to
catch that shit again.
- No worries. I understand.
- Cool.
But wow, you guys actually came.
- Why wouldn't we?
- Because nobody believes me.
I get calls all the time from
people who claim to be cops,
and then when I go to open the door,
I get a bag of shit thrown in my face.
- I know that feeling.
- Well, we are real cops.
And I want to believe you
because if what you're saying is true,
that leads us one step closer
to catching the Copycat Covid Killer.
- Well, I am telling the truth.
Like I said in my video,
I don't have any proof,
but I can tell you exactly what I've seen.
- Go ahead.
- I was looking out my window.
My boy Floyd was sitting right here
and the stripper lady was right-
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
There was a man sitting here?
- Yeah. Why?
- Well, because that's another witness
that was actually outside and
not looking through a window.
- Well, yeah, but that guy's gone.
- What do you mean gone?
- He disappeared right
after that incident.
- That's weird.
- Stay weird.
- Just finish the story.
- So like I was saying,
stripper lady who lives over there in N5
was talking on her phone.
She looked like she was
trying to find her keys.
She looked scared.
Then right when she found her keys,
the Covid Killer came out of nowhere.
I don't know if she saw him,
but she jetted right into her apartment.
I thought it was gonna
attack her, but he didn't.
He just walked right by.
It was so strange.
But what was even stranger
was right after that,
Copycat Killer came out of nowhere
and walked right into her
place and closed the door.
And I guess that's when he killed her.
- That is a very strange story.
Almost unbelievable.
- See, I knew it.
I knew you weren't gonna believe me.
You're not gonna throw a
bag of shit at me, right?
- No.
I'm just trying to understand
their relationship.
Did it look like they knew each other?
- Well, and I'm just guessing here,
I don't think that Covid saw Copycat,
but Copycat had to have
seen Covid walk by the lady.
- Yeah.
- What's on your brain, partner?
- Copycat wasn't copying the Covid Killer.
He was trying to outdo him.
- Yeah.
- He was angry.
Probably jealous.
So that means the people Copy killed
were going to be Covid's next victims.
But Copy got to them first.
For some reason, he's obsessed
with the Covid Killer.
- Yeah, but how did Copy know
who Covid was gonna kill?
It's not like he had a list.
- Serial killers usually
stalk their victims
before they kill them.
- So that means copy was following Covid
while he was stalking his next victims.
- And since Covid only killed at night
and stalked the women during the day,
Copy had plenty of time
to beat him to the punch.
- Bingo.
- Why do serial killers
make up all these rules
they have to follow?
Like, they make it so
much harder for themselves
for no reason at all.
- Because they're stupid.
But Copycat's not like that.
He has no rules.
He kills anyone anywhere.
- Yeah, he sure killed that
bathroom back at the hospital.
- Cemetery.
First thing tomorrow.
We have to check out the cemetery.
- [Healy] Why?
- If Copy's obsessed with Covid,
he's probably gonna visit his tombstone.
- Why would he do that?
- Because people who have
obsessions with other people
usually can't let go.
Even when the person dies.
He's probably going to visit Covid's grave
to get some closure.
Thanks for your help, Corkster.
That's my card.
You have any more information, call me.
- You got it, my brother.
Oh. Oh.
Have a good day!
(eerie music)
- Just you and Graham Jones, Teddy.
Just you and I, bud.
We don't need no co-anchors.
We're gonna fist fuck this industry.
We're gonna take ourselves to the top.
Just you and I.
You ready, Teddy?
Don't worry.
I'm not gonna let Copycat get you.
All right?
We're not scared of no little
copycat killer, now are we?
Fuck him.
Don't worry, buddy.
Taking all this in?
Get it up in there.
Get up there, all right?
(eerie music continues)
- Oh, great.
Mork and Mindy's here.
- Cool! I like those guys.
- What are you guys doing here?
Cap said this was our case.
- We're not here for the cult.
By the way, Guillermo, shouldn't
you be with Jimmy Fallon?
- Jimmy Kimmel, you idiot.
- Man, all those white
Jimmys look the same.
- Brock thinks Copy was
here visiting Covid's grave.
- For what?
- Brock thinks Copy needs some closure.
- You gonna analyze that for prints?
- I already know whose
prints are on that mask.
Leave that mask exactly where it's at.
I don't want the cult
knowing that we came back.
- Are you coming back?
- No.
Copy's not coming back.
That's why he left the mask.
So there's no reason for me to return.
- Okay, Batman.
Oh, I'm sorry, Flash.
Hey, Healy.
- Yeah, what's up?
- I heard your bandmate
got attacked by Copy.
Is he okay?
- Yeah, he's okay.
He just got his guitar
broken, but he's okay.
He didn't get hurt or nothin', thank God.
- Okay, good.
- What are you still even a cop for?
If I was in a band, I wouldn't
be working this shit job.
- I like being a cop.
I like to help people.
See you guys later.
- That guy's a fuckin' weirdo.
- Nah, he's a genuinely nice guy.
I mean, a little naive, but nice.
- Alright, softy.
So what's next, partner?
Stakeout?
- Yep.
Day and night.
These guys are tricky.
What's that?
- I found it on the floor.
- [Blake] By Covid's tombstone?
- No, I found it over there.
- That's the groundskeeper's hat.
- [Sanchez] Yeah.
- When we get back, take it to the lab.
- All right, partner.
I'm on it.
(eerie music)
(crows cawing)
- So then she says, "Is
that your penis or what?"
(Edie laughs)
- You're so funny, Graham.
- I know, I know.
- And conceited.
- Of course.
I'm Graham Jones.
- I kinda like it.
- So, my place or yours?
- Yours.
I wanna see how the magnificent
Graham Jones resides.
- Of course you do.
Oh, and Betty,
you or your friend are
welcome to join us tonight.
- Keep trying, Graham, and
maybe one day you'll get lucky.
- I guess maybe you're
not drunk enough tonight.
- We will never be that drunk, Graham.
- Just you and I.
Off we go, my fair lady.
(women laughing)
All right, give me that.
- Here you go.
(Graham and Edie laughing)
- Oh, wait, where are my car keys?
Oh, oh, wait.
Here they are.
Oh, excuse me, sir. My apologies.
- Whoa, you're a big guy.
You're like a skyscraper.
- Well, good day, sir.
Watch out for King Kong,
you big vanilla gorilla.
(Edie laughs)
Nice mask. That'll stop the spread.
(Graham screams)
- [Edie] You're so funny, Graham.
You should've been a comedian.
(intense music)
(Edie screams)
(energetic music)
- This just in.
Last night, two more
people were brutally killed
by the ruthless Copycat Covid Killer.
And sadly, those two
people were news anchors
Graham Jones and Edie Carmichael.
They worked here at DKE News.
They were my colleagues,
they were my friends.
That brings the body count to 11 people
in just three short weeks.
Surveillance footage confirms
that this was indeed the
Copycat Covid Killer,
who's wearing a new mask with an image
of what looked like skeleton teeth.
The media is now referring
to him as the Omicron Killer,
because much like the variant disease,
this new killer is even more deadly
than his predecessor, the-
Listen, I don't give a fuck
what you Generation Alphas
call this motherfucker!
You need to find him and
you need to kill him!
- Cut the feed, cut the feed!
- I'm trying, I'm trying!
- Hurry, this bitch is losing it!
- I think this bitch is
gonna cost us both our jobs!
Ah, fuck it!
- He's a fucking disease
and we need to wipe him out!
(TV beeping)
- [Both] Ta-da!
- Introducing the new Warlock.
- Okay.
- What? You don't like it?
- It's fine.
But the two of you need a fucking life!
- Get a fucking life!
- Oh, snap!
- What the fuck are you doing?!
- I'm cutting the
watermelon like you said.
- Okay, I told you to use a knife.
Not a fuckin' sword!
- It's not a sword, it's a kaiser blade.
Some folks call it a sling blade,
but I call it a kaiser blade.
- You know what, Steven?
You really are a special kind of stupid!
- Not as stupid as you think I am, Edith.
- Yeah? Well, you know what?
Stop doing stupid shit!
- Okay, so, when are
we gonna do the ritual?
- We're doing the ritual in a few days
when the blood moon is near.
- The blood moon is near?
- Yes.
And this time, we're
doing it during the day
because those cops are
expecting us at night.
- But you just said we need to do it
when the blood moon is near.
- Yes! We're doing it
when it's near, okay?
We're not doing like
some Hollywood bullshit
when it's out and it
appears, okay, Steven?
We're doing it when it's near
because that's when it's a success.
- Yes, Empress Edie.
- She is the empress.
(eerie music)
- Hey, Healy.
- Yeah?
- Put the lights on for me.
- I can't do that. It's my squad car.
- But I think it's sexy.
- Still, I'm a police officer
and I could get in trouble.
You said after our fifth date
that you would put the lights on for me.
- [Healy] I said that? Really?
- Yes.
- This is our fifth date already?
- Yes!
- Wow.
- Besides, it really,
really, really turns me on.
- Turns you on? Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- All right, then!
(sirens blaring)
(eerie music)
- [Erica] Healy, help!
- What is it? What is it?
What's the matter? You all right?
- No, I'm not all right.
- What's the matter? I
heard you scream for help.
- I do need help.
I'm horny.
(Erica laughs)
- Oh, that's something
that I can help you with.
Why don't you come over here
and show me your nine millimeter?
- [Healy] Let me get some of
that vanilla milkshake, baby!
(Erica laughs)
Sexy!
- Later on in the dead of night,
this pentagram shall
resurrect the Covid Killer
by the blood moon's light!
- [Cultists] By the blood moon's light!
(dramatic music)
(knife slices)
(sirens blaring)
- Everybody freeze!
- [Sanchez] Freeze!
- Fuck you, motherfuckers!
- Stop!
- Put the gun down and we won't hurt you.
- Don't get one step closer
or I'll blow your fuckin'
brains out, bitch!
- There's two of us and only one of you.
You know how this is gonna end.
- Ah, fuck it!
(gun fires)
(guns firing)
- [Sanchez] Everyone, stop right there!
I'm gonna kill all you motherfuckers!
- [Blake] You have a
right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and
will be used against you
in a court of law.
- You have the right to an attorney.
If you cannot afford an attorney,
I have the right to put my
foot up your cult's ass.
Now, motherfuckers.
You have any questions?
- [Blake] Sanchez, enough.
(eerie music)
(Erica moans)
(dog barking)
(Erica moaning)
(dog barking)
- Midget, shut up!
(dog barking)
(dog whines)
(dark music)
Cindy, is that you?
Cindy?
Cindy, are you here?
(footsteps thumping)
Cindy?
(eerie music)
Cindy, are you here?
Cindy, are you fucking with me?
It's not funny.
(Copycat breathing heavily)
(Erica screams)
(intense music)
(eerie music)
(light music)
- Hey, partner. What's the dealio?
- [Brock] My mom wants
to see us right away.
- I'm ready. Let's go.
- Before we go, I have
to use the bathroom.
- Of course.
Mi casa es tu casa.
- Thanks. I have to leave a shit.
- Take a shit.
- What?
- Take a shit.
You said you gotta leave a shit.
You mean you wanna take a shit.
- I'm not taking it,
Healy. I'm leaving it.
- Oh.
Yeah, that makes sense.
(Krazy Klowny laughing)
- You still watch these
stupid YouTube videos
we used to make?
- Yes.
- Are you going to work?
- No.
- Then why are you
dressed as Krazy Klowny?
- I love being a clown.
Ever since I was a little
boy I wanted to be a clown.
There's something very
intriguing about being a clown.
- And creepy.
- You mean scary.
It is.
It is scary.
- So how'd your date go with Erica?
- Oh, it went great.
I think I'm in love, brah!
(eerie music)
- That's good.
I'm happy for you, Healy.
Me, I'm in love with the chase.
I'm in love with putting
scumbags behind bars.
Or in a fuckin' grave.
- Well, someone's gotta do it.
- [Louise] Well, it's about time.
You guys took long enough.
- Yeah, Brock had to
leave a shit in my house.
- What?
- So what's going on?
On the phone you said it was urgent.
- I think we got that motherfucker.
- Who?
Omicron?
- No, your fairy godmother.
- Of course the Omicron.
Anyway, we got a lead
from St. Mary's Hospital.
This security guard got
surveillance footage
of a giant man wearing
a skeleton Covid mask
entering the hospital on
two separate occasions.
Oh, and he said that both times
the guy just walked around
the hospital suspiciously
and then left.
And he said that the guy looked angry.
- Frueger.
- What?
- The nurse.
The nurse said, "I think
he's after Dr. Frueger."
- And you're just remembering this now?
God damn it, Brock!
We could've got that
son of a bitch days ago!
- Ma, you gotta understand.
There was a lot going on that day.
We had just discovered Will's
dead body, God rest his soul,
and then you send us to the
hospital to look for Omicron.
We get there, he's gone,
and killed two more people.
On top of that, I gotta deal
with the Hamburglar over here.
Then Nurse Nancy wakes up freaking out.
"Omicron's after Frueger."
And then you call me on the
phone, "Bring the whole crew."
It's a lot.
So, excuse me, Ma, if it
kinda slipped my mind.
- And let's not forget all the shit
Omicron left in the bathroom.
- What?
- Oh, yeah, apparently Omicron
defecated the entire bathroom
with his shit before he left.
- Okay.
So find out who this Dr.
Frueger is and contact him.
'Cause we gotta get to
him before Omicron does.
- Okay.
- And now listen. Listen to me.
With all the information that we now have,
there is no doubt that we
are gonna catch this guy
in the next couple of days.
When you catch him and you
know it's either him or you,
I want you to look him
dead in the eyes and say,
"This is for Will Jordan,
you variant scum,"
and then shoot that motherfucker
right between the eyes!
- How about I say, "Hasta la vista, baby."
- No.
No.
This isn't a movie.
Just say what I told you, Brock.
- If it's not a movie,
then why am I saying a cool
line before I blow him away?
- What if you say, "Goodbye, nio?"
- What?
Why?
Why would he say that?
- Because that's what "Hasta
la vista, baby" actually means.
"Goodbye, nio."
So he should say, "Goodbye,
nio," and then shoot him!
- I'm not saying that corny ass line.
- Corny?
You wanna say a cheesy line
from a 90s Schwarzenegger movie
and you're calling my line corny?
- Arnold Schwarzenegger is
the greatest action hero
who ever lived.
- Wrong. John Wayne is.
- John Wayne?
- Yeah.
- What fuckin' meds are you on?
- Your fuckin' mother's meds!
- Don't talk about my
mother, you fuckin' troll!
- Then don't talk about
my medical condition!
- Stop!
Are you guys super stupid?
I don't give a fuck.
I don't give a fuck if you say
"rubber baby buggy bumpers."
Just get the son of a bitch!
- Nice.
"Last Action Hero."
- Brock, get the outta here and
take special needs with you.
- Don't worry, I'm gonna
get that motherfucker.
- I just wanna apologize
to you, Ms. Callahan.
I got so worked up before.
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean it.
- Aw.
Thank you, Healy.
But I could give two shits
what you say about me.
I got no feelings.
Hey, you wanna do me a favor?
Catch the Omicron Killer.
- Don't worry, Cap.
When we catch the Omicron,
I'm gonna bitch slap him
like he was Chris Rock.
- Groovy.
(eerie music)
(gun cocks)
(suspenseful music)
(gun fires)
(intense music)
(Copycat and Brock groaning)
(Brock coughing)
(Brock coughs)
(Copycat shouts)
- Hey, big guy!
Get away from him, you bitch!
(Copycats breathing heavily)
(gun clicks)
(gun fires)
Now you got no leg to stand on!
Brock!
What cool line you gonna say now?
- You have the right to remain silent.
- Classic.
- Anything you say can and
will be used against you
in a court of law.
You have the right to an attorney.
If you can't afford an attorney,
one will be provided for you.
Do you understand these rights
that I've just read to you?
With these rights in mind,
do you wish to speak and
answer any questions?
- Goodbye, nio.
(eerie music)
(ground breaking)
(intense music)
(intense electronic music)
(Graham groaning)
Fat fuck!
(Graham groaning)
Can't kill me, fat boy!
I'm Graham Jones, bitch!
Omicron
Covid Psycho Killer,
Killer, Killer, Killer
Omicron
Covid Psycho Killer,
Killer, Killer, Killer
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
Omicron
Covid Psycho Killer,
Killer, Killer, Killer
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
It's the most fun I ever had
Making people beg for their lives
Please don't kill me
Please don't kill me
Please don't kill me
Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha
Demented mind
Too many personalities
All at the same time
One crazier than the next
Hmm
Who should kill next
(eerie music)