The Pageant (2008) Movie Script
1
Are you ready now?
Yep.
Smile.
Oh, sorry.
Smile again.
APPLAUSE
My name is Trinity Porter
and I am Miss Nude Sydney.
I'm Summer Stevens,
Miss Erotica Australia for 2007.
My measurements are 36...
sorry, fuck!
My name's Ellashaye,
I won Miss Nude Tasmania.
I am Jessie Jackson
and my hobbies include ballet,
forensic science and body sculpting.
I'm Suzie Q, I'm from Sydney.
I'm Miss Nude New South Wales.
My name's Mackenzie
and I'm Miss Nude Hobart.
The Miss Nude Australia
is a pageant that is so credible
and so bona fide that
it helps the girls to progress.
I love watching rugby union
and I love reading.
Strippers can read.
Yes.
Girls, uh, can I just have
five minutes of your time here?
Can everyone
just turn their phones off?
This is very important to you
because I'm going to explain
the judging criteria, and what
I'm going to read to you now
is exactly what we say
to the judges every night.
Word for word,
this is read to them.
So you'll know
what the judging criteria is
and exactly
what they're judging on, okay?
Now, the judges,
the first thing we say to them,
"These contestants have invested
a lot into this pageant.
"You have a responsibility
and obligation
"to bring the same concentration,
organisation and effort
"as the contestants.
"We're not judging biggest breasts,
we're not judging the longest legs,
"nor are we judging
the tightest arse.
"Her face - is it a natural one,
"or does she just flash
her pearly teeth?
"Her hair - is it healthy
and does it complement her face?"
The bottom line of the competition
is that it is a beauty pageant.
There's a $20,000 prize
to one of you.
Thanks very, very much for coming
and all the very best.
It's such a unique week
to be able to go out there
and be naked
and keep a smile on their face
and put on
such a fantastic performance.
It's just amazing.
The Miss Nude Australia
is the pageant
that is the mother of all pageants.
Makes you feel like a movie star
when you're not really a movie star.
Anyone that's made it through
to the Miss Nude Australia
in any particular year,
it means that they've done
really well in their own state.
Oh, my God!
You feel like
you're standing there for ever,
you're getting this big...
your teeth are getting...
your jaw's getting sore
from the big smile.
I love to see the girls
being so competitive.
The costuming and the music
and the presentation of their shows
is just amazing.
There's no...
there's no hidden agenda.
It's entertainment, of good quality
and good standard.
Something to tell the grandkids.
The girl who's just got
that little bit more
and that little bit of oomph
is going to be the winner.
The girls to watch out for and why?
Everybody.
Yeah, I like tattoos.
It's a fighting fish.
It's not quite finished yet.
My mother, oh! She never
has one nice thing to say about it.
When she saw it, she lost it,
she was so pissed off!
We do not want
to speak about the tattoo.
I spent a fortune
with baby powders and creams
to make sure that she was perfect,
and I could not believe
that she would get such a hideous
and gross, deformed-looking,
out-of-control,
ghastly, vomitous, you name it...
I can't think
of enough hideous adjectives
to describe
that gross thing on her arm.
That turns her
from being very classy to yuck!
I don't like it.
Hi.
So, I'm taking everybody
back to where it all began.
Now, something that you might notice
about this place
is there's a pole out the front.
When I first said that I was going
to be a stripper to my parents,
they weren't surprised at all
because I'd spent
hours and hours and hours
spinning and climbing and mucking
around on the pole out the front,
and it was always the family joke
that I would become a stripper.
Well, certainly the standing joke
in the neighbourhood
when Lori was little,
because she loved swinging on
the pole out the front of our house,
the standing joke was that she'd be,
could possibly be, a pole dancer.
So while we were shocked
that the reality came about,
the other half wasn't.
LIVELY GUITAR MUSIC
My biggest problem is...
it's not something that I want
to tell my mother and father
and the grandparents
more than anything,
that that is what she does.
This was our fashion parade catwalk
Mum used to make us do little
shows on when we were younger.
It was good practice
for Miss Nude Australia
when we're doing our parades.
I just think of old times
and off I go.
Costume.
Skirt. Shorts.
Bra. G. Jacket.
How could I forget my prop?
How nice.
HONKS
Formal wear.
Check with jewellery and shoes.
Yep, and me.
That's it.
I'm so excited!
I've never been to Adelaide!
This is my little kitty playhouse
and I use it during my show
to kind of crawl amongst...
and, you know,
do some sexy little poses.
Yep, it's not going to fit,
I'm telling you.
Having any title is beneficial
but, you know,
when you book in a gig,
you're wanting somebody special,
and when somebody says
"How about Miss Nude Australia?"
people are just...
they jump at the chance,
they absolutely, you know, they want
to see the best of the best.
You are,
that's what the title says.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Nude Australia 1995,
here at the Crazy Horse,
here's Juicy Lucy!
OLD-FASHIONED FRENCH SONG
The pageant's been going since...
it started in '91, the pageant.
We were very lucky to have
Miss Nude World here, Heaven Lee.
She came out from the States
and she awarded the girl
with her crown and with her sash.
Miss Nude Australia 1991, which
was a lady called Michelle Lane.
If they're very focused
and they really know
what they want out of the industry,
whether they want
to have recognition
or whether they want financial,
it's all here for them.
Morgan Summers,
she was Miss Nude South Australia,
Miss Nude Australia,
Miss Nude World,
Miss Nude Universe,
all virtually within those 18 months
of this girl winning
the South Australia's...
Went ahead
and won every possible pageant.
OLD-FASHIONED FRENCH SONG
Ultimately it comes down to the fact
that strippers or exotic dancers
are just regular women
who do something
slightly interesting as a job.
It doesn't mean, all the time,
that they're prostitutes,
it doesn't mean they're on drugs,
that they're not intelligent,
it doesn't mean they don't have
other options in their life.
The majority of them choose to do it
because it's something
that they love to do.
It doesn't mean
you can grab their arse,
it doesn't mean
they're going to have sex with you.
I don't know what...
It doesn't mean they're a slut,
anything like that -
it's just their job, okay,
and they usually love it, so...
HONKY TONK MUSIC
This was the first time
I entered Miss Nude - look at that.
Miss Nude New South Wales,
Miss Petite, 2003.
I was really bad.
My bedroom.
My pole.
Can't do much on it because you
end up with one foot in the cupboard
and the other one, like,
out the window, but you can try.
I don't think you have to be
a straight-out exhibitionist
to be an exotic dancer,
but I think you do need
to have some element of some...
that same thing that actors have,
that they want to perform
and have people look at them
and that kind of thing.
I don't know -
I have this secret theory
that we're just dancers who,
you know, couldn't cut it
or just realised that we'd never
earn very much money as dancers.
So, you know,
if we take our clothes off,
hey, we can make a living
out of this.
To all the women out there
who are offended by what we do,
we're just like you.
Yeah, you know, I get up,
I eat breakfast, I walk the dog,
I pay my bills,
it's the same thing,
it's just my way of paying my bills
is slightly different to you.
My current boyfriend
I met in a strip club,
so technically
the first thing he knew about me
before he even knew my name
was that I was an exotic dancer,
but it has still been
a source of much contention
in our relationship,
unfortunately.
He doesn't like my job at all.
At all, at all...
But even after all these years
he doesn't seem to quite understand
that it's not real.
I understand
that most people out of the industry
don't get that it's fantasy.
But he's been to shows
and everything with me
and seen me do same thing
over and over and over
and still thinks
that it's, like, this real...
like I'm this crazy sexual person
or whatever,
and he's like, "I can't reconcile
that with who you are off stage."
I'm like, "It's not real."
But that said,
I don't think any guy
is going to like other men looking
at his girlfriend naked, really.
And I don't know
if I want a guy who's like,
"Yeah, that's totally fine,
whatever," kind of thing.
You know, I want someone to care
about me enough to say something.
But at the same time I don't want it
to destroy my relationship.
Miss Nude Australia
is one of the most...
if not the most, sort of prestigious
exotic dance pageants,
and just to make it
into the Australian final is...
I'm really excited about,
it's really cool
to finally be down here in Adelaide.
This is called a lyra,
which is basically a hula hoop
that you hang from the ceiling,
except it's stainless steel.
For this comp,
I'm going to try a new thing.
I'm trying out naked lyra,
so it's going to either end
really badly or look really cool.
I would love to win it,
just because of the opportunities
that it presents.
You can approach international clubs
and that kind of thing,
which means
more travel opportunities,
more chances to work overseas.
But it hooks up there,
so you'll keep it up all through,
or will it be put up?
It's like a big hula hoop, so it's
just going to have to stay up there.
So we'll have to attach it away...
like, up?
Yeah, Karen mentioned...
Yeah? You've got to be careful
that nothing distracts those judges.
That you've got their attention
from the time you come on stage
till you actually take your bow
at the end to leave the stage.
So when the guys come on -
the girls want tarpaulins put down
in the middle of the show
or a bath put on,
something like that,
it takes away from you.
ROMANTIC MUSIC
Maybe I should take the sock off.
Shoe and sock.
Your tattoo.
That would save you heaps of time.
Stand on my toe, shoe, sock,
then I wouldn't even have to go down.
Don't want to watch the other girls
in case it puts me off.
I get all intimidated.
They're all pretty good.
Some competitions,
you feel that you're sort of cut out
to meet the criteria.
I don't 100% feel
that I am cut out
to meet the criteria
of this competition.
If it was purely
a performance thing,
I'd probably have more of a chance.
But because of this whole beauty
pageant side of it, and me...
I don't know if I'm a beauty queen.
I'm trying.
BURLESQUE-STYLE SONG
My interests are boxing,
dancing, singing and sex.
Five-star hotels, boys...
Sleeping, shopping,
having sex..
I just pretend
that when I'm on stage,
I'm having sex
with the Invisible Man.
That's my style. (Laughs)
That's why I'm Jessie Rude.
Initial entrance to the stage
is with a glamorous costume.
As glittery and as feathery
as possible.
You know, very Vegas, very
Parisienne-type sort of costume.
Following that, they start unrobing
with the second track,
by the third track
they're down to their bikinis.
There is a certain amount
of floor work they do
and of course now they do
a lot of work on the poles as well.
Being able to create
an amazing presence up on stage,
and to dance and to disrobe
and to be up against,
you know, all the finalists, from
every state, is an amazing ability.
WOMAN SINGS:
# I'm supposed to be a lady... #
It makes them concentrate more
on their performance and their act,
rather than just being explicit and,
"Here's my boobs.
"Here's my fanny, have a look,"
you know, sort of thing.
Then it's more about
the performance of the show.
It all adds to the grand finale
of them being naked
and then entering the birdbath
or the shower at the end here.
WOMAN SINGS: # A bit of hanky panky
and some how's-your-father
# Is right up his street,
his cup of tea
# Right up his street,
you wait and see
# I'll tickle his feet
and then he'll marry me. #
For me, dancing,
really dancing
and taking clothes off
at the same time,
is perfect for me, it's
the perfect formula for my dancing.
Just being cheeky. They started it.
Really, really love what I do.
I get a little bit passionate
about it.
ROMANTIC FRENCH SONG
I like the era when ladies
were ladies and men were men.
I like that.
I wish it would go back to that.
I would like to be stuck
in the 1940s, you know,
there's all the wives
wearing curlers
and they're feeding the animals
and smoking in their dressing gowns,
but they all look a million dollars.
That era
where everyone was beautiful
and everyone
took pride in their appearance
and men slicked their hair back,
and they're all handsome looking.
I like that era, that's something
I wish I had've been a part of.
This is all I've done
for six years so,
to put a costume and to take it off,
it's really the art of taking it off
that I'm interested in.
Anyone can take their clothes off
but can you do it...
with a bit of style
or a bit of class
or a bit of something...
We get to wear costumes, and the
music and everything's beautiful,
but this is the things
in the industry
that people don't know about.
You know, you can show up
at a buck's party
and do your thing
and there's always going to be one
in the crowd that gets...
makes himself feel better
by making you feel like this.
You know, because he's got issues
of his own that are not dealt with.
So that annoys me, you know,
that you go out there
to be an entertainer and yet
there's someone to drag you down.
There's always one guy
that wants to degrade you
or speak down to you and has no idea
of who you are in real life.
I'm really sick to death of guys
thinking they're above these girls.
We're there to do a job,
you pay us to go there.
You don't have that right.
No one has that right
to speak to anyone that way.
The photo work
is totally different to stripping.
When it comes to nude modelling,
it's you and your photographer
and your stylist on the day.
If you go to a group of strangers
and try to do something like this,
well, when you get naked,
you don't know, yeah, so it's good.
If you have a good network and a
good support base, you'll be fine.
This is my magazine
that come out last week.
It's not on the shelves any more,
it just got sold out.
So if you have a look...
Are you allowed
to have nudity on this?
This is the layout of it all.
So, my interview, if you read this
it shows that...
It's got nothing smutty in it
or anything yucky.
It's not my personality.
So this magazine is only topless.
Yes, you're fully nude, but there's
no open leg work in this.
This is all closed leg.
And I've done People magazine.
That comes out later on in the year.
This is the first photo shoot
I've done
since I had my breast implants done.
This magazine, Penthouse,
is open leg.
That's where I went straight into
the deep end, straight to Penthouse.
SUBDUED PIANO MUSIC
I think it takes
a certain type of person
to have it in them
to love to do what they do.
But I love dancing, I was a ballroom
and Latin dancer as a child,
from the age of 12.
My father teaches rock 'n' roll.
My dad has never set foot
in a strip club.
He's never... no.
That industry, he wouldn't
even know where to begin with it.
Imagine him
walking into the Crazy Horse
and seeing all the things
that are going on there, on stage -
that would blow his mind.
Blow his mind.
If I knew that I could tell him and
he'd be fine with it, then I would.
But because I know
the devastation...
Because he would go,
"I've done something wrong."
You know, like,
"Why would she do this?
"Is it because of the divorce?
Is it because..."
You know, parents blame themselves
when their children do things
that they wouldn't,
that aren't what normal kids do.
He would be proud
to see me in my costumes.
The whole start of it
would be awesome!
You know, the whole...
Perfect!
Soon as those boobs come out,
"Hang on! Put them away!"
You know?
No, no, no!
My dad always says to my girlfriends
whenever he meets them,
"My daughter,
she's such a wonderful dancer.
"She's so incredibly talented."
My dad is actually right.
I really can dance, but...
I take my clothes off
at the end of it.
My connection
with the Crazy Horse goes back...
coming up
to 27 years ago, actually.
I was employed here
as the resident choreographer
back in 1980, '81,
and have been here ever since.
You are creating a character,
you're creating...
You are, you know, the minute,
the minute my wig goes on
and my lipstick goes on,
I'm not thinking
the way Joseph thinks any more.
I'm thinking the way
that Madame Josephine is thinking.
And, basically, you know, it's...
And you've got to think about
the way you hold your hands,
the way you speak,
the way you project yourself,
you've got to think feminine,
you've got to think female.
And basically,
that's how it all works.
Because it's a character now,
it's not Joseph any more.
You've created that character, and
that character is Madame Josephine.
I'm scared of my eyelashes, I am!
That's beautiful. You've got
beautiful tits, by the way.
(Woman laughs)
They are absolutely gorgeous!
Almost as big as Madame's,
but yours are big.
Are they your own
or are they silicone?
They're mine.
They're your own? Au naturel?
They are beautiful.
Are you single or married?
Married.
Married. Oh my God,
the husband must be in awe.
He loves them!
He loves them!
Does he do the...
what do they call that, Spanish?
Or, yeah...
That's my mum.
That's your mum? That's all right!
She's got big ones too, but yours
are bigger, though, aren't they?
Madame knows exactly what to say...
in the right way
to make a girl push harder,
to strive harder.
She tells it the way it is.
She doesn't beat around the bush.
The way it is
is the way it is with her.
You know, I do show a lot
of compassion towards the girls
and for the work that they're doing,
it's just amazing.
Whether it's a birthmark
or whether
it's a little bit of cellulite,
or whether it's,
you know, too much...
too much of a good thing
over the winter months.
You know, a bit of winter warmth
on our body, that's...
They're exposed,
and it's exposed to criticism.
Therefore, you can come backstage
and see someone really upset
over something that a punter
has said, and I feel for that.
So I take time out in explaining
to the person that, you know,
even myself as an entertainer,
you know, you...
there are people
that have had one too many drinks
or they're just
generally unkind people.
"You judge a human being
on her skills and talents,
"not on any outside prop
or special effects.
"These will be scored on how well
"the contestant utilised these tools
"and not how fancy
or expensive they are.
"You score down tattoos or defects
if they bother you personally.
"If these tattoos or defects
do not detract
"from your idea of a beautiful woman,
ignore them.
"If they bother you,
score them accordingly."
This is our DJ information sheet.
So, what lighting
we want during our show
and what sort of songs
and what times.
I'm going to sit into the crowd,
get them to take my socks off.
I've got little bobby socks on.
I'll get them to touch my feet
so they feel they're part of it.
Da-da da-da! Cutesy, cutesy.
Yep.
Knickers off when it goes
"Wild thing". Take my knickers off.
The run of the show's been done,
and just the final details
are being prepared.
All the girls now know where
they're performing this evening
and what order they're performing.
Number seven. You got last.
Suzie, you get last
every single time!
Every time.
JOSEPH: It is a bit chaotic,
but let's hope...
First night,
let's hope it runs smoothly.
We're looking forward to it.
One more time, ladies and gentlemen,
let's put our hands together
for the very, very beautiful ladies
at the Crazy Horse this evening.
I think I can hear them
ready backstage.
Let's put our hands together,
audience, come on, a bit of...
a bit of excitement in the audience!
FRANTIC FRENCH SONG
What I like,
seeing the girls competing, they...
it gets to about Thursday,
they know the cut's going to come
the next day.
FRENCH SONG CONTINUES
They pull out any trick that they
could possibly pull out, you know.
We take it seriously.
I certainly don't look at judging it
and being able to just tick a box
and think, okay, well, let's
just get this over and done with.
FRENCH SONG CONTINUES
The girls get judged nightly
on the best legs, best butts,
most luscious lungs, hottest body
and sensuous woman.
So basically, those categories,
there are awarded trophies
for each of those categories.
The main sheet that the judges
have got, they score the ladies
on facial beauty, on body,
pole work, personality and talent
and the beauty queen image.
All scores out of 10,
and they're added up.
This is where
the high and the low scores,
where judges
being preferential etcetera,
hard on some, easier on others,
that's how we...
it has to be,
that's how you sort them out.
But you can see tonight,
there's very, very little,
very, very little
in this competition.
So the judges are now judging
for hottest body, Madame.
Yeah, I know they are,
and they're all looking
and it's great because
it sort of gives them a...
They've seen them individually
and now they can actually
see them all standing together
and so it gives
the judges a good window of...
You know,
of basically judging correctly
because only one girl can win
Australia's Hottest Body, Morgan.
Yes, they can. Only one girl will be
awarded that title tomorrow night.
But of course there is Australia's
Hottest Legs, Most Luscious...
Luscious Lungs.
Yeah, Best Buns!
That's my favourite one.
Is it?
I will admit, the best way
to judge a lot of girls' bums
would be to get them all to stand
there and look at their bums.
But it is quite, like, I know
this is going to sound funny
but, like,
standing up like meat.
Because we have different judges
each night,
a different girl could win any time,
like, it just depends entirely
on what the judges want.
Like, you might have
a bunch of judges
that like natural boobs, or ones
that just like big fake boobs.
So what happens is,
when they cut you here
they push the implant through,
they cut your breast tissue
away from your actual rib cage.
They put the implant in
and your breast tissue covers it.
So when you feel them, it's
my breast tissue you're feeling,
you don't feel the implant at all.
You don't know where it starts
and where it finishes.
So I have to massage them
for 15 minutes every day,
and it's fun anyway.
It's nerve wracking being, like,
kind of a pale-skinned redhead
with real boobs, up against,
you know, these amazing, like,
blonde goddesses with surgically
enhanced boobs and everything,
and their beautiful tans
and everything.
It's a bit intimidating.
Dad was all for it,
Mum was completely against it.
When I told her, she was crying
which... I never felt so bad.
It is her life.
So, you know, scars
and unattractive bits and pieces,
you don't want them.
Yeah, so we kind of
had a bit of a moment
and I said "No, don't worry, Mum,
it's going to be okay.
"It's going to be okay."
And off I went to Thailand.
Great hospital -
Yanhee International with Dr Pitch.
They were really, really nice.
And went in and did it,
and there they were
and Mum was quite surprised
at how nice they came,
not too big...
Yeah, I was, I was happy...
happy when I saw her.
A, that she was alive and she wasn't
riddled with some overseas disease.
She goes "Oh, do you want a look?"
Of course I said "Yes, I do."
And I was pleased that she hadn't
gone Dolly Parton or Pamela Anderson
and turned herself into some sort of
plastic-looking ridiculous person.
I hate people asking
"Do you get turned on
"while you're on stage
or when you're doing a show?"
Like, if I'm upside down
in my hoop or whatever,
and I'm, like,
10 metres above a concrete floor,
I'm really not thinking
about gettin' off.
The most amusing type
of audience member is the guy
that's looking in your eyes
and then making a really big deal
of having eye contact with you.
They're like this,
you're doing whatever you can
and they're like this
the whole time.
You turn away for two seconds,
perhaps open your legs,
you turn back
and their view's right there.
Like, it's very funny.
Every time, every time.
I noticed last night
watching in Adelaide
that there doesn't seem to be
a lot of laws about open leg work
and things like that,
whereas in WA it's a lot stricter.
I don't know
whether that means we're backward
and they're ahead of us,
or whether we're ahead
and they're backward and behind us -
I'm not sure which.
But I noticed that it's
quite a bit different over here.
Which I think puts our girls
at a disadvantage, actually,
because they prepare their shows
and perform their shows in WA
to our crowds and to our standards
and then they come here and say,
"They're allowed to do
so much more here."
And they have to actually
adapt their show a little bit
to try and compete
with the other girls.
I want to see you
at the Moulin Rouge.
Where it's all, you know,
really glamorous and elegant...
Yeah.
Full on and whatever.
They don't get nude enough for me.
Oh! Okay.
It's nude enough for me,
but anyway...
It's your pink bits,
so what can I say?
Whether you go into clubs, pubs,
people that come to competitions
or book you for private shows,
you get such a mix.
They're young, they're old,
they're, you know, Lebanese,
they're Asian, they're Australian,
they're politicians.
They're B-grade celebrities,
they're fathers, they're brothers,
95% of them are fine, they all
just want to see a beautiful girl
doing a good show
at the end of the day.
I got a request to go and do a show
in an intensive care unit
in a hospital.
I got a phone call saying,
"Ellashaye, you've been requested,
they want you.
"We don't know exactly
what's going on there,
"but we know it's an 18-year-old boy
and we know he's dying,
"and he's requested for you
to do a show there."
SOMBRE MUSIC
So we walked into the hospital
and I met the boy's...
As I was going into the room,
his mother come out.
I don't know if you've ever seen
a mother who knows
that she's going to lose her son...
Oh God, I'm going to cry.
There's nothing that you will ever
see in your whole life, to know...
to see that look on someone's face.
And lose their son,
and you're going to go in there...
I don't know if it's the only time
he's ever seen a naked girl,
but you're going in there
to someone's deathbed, literally.
And they said to me
"Look, he's dying of a brain tumour,
"he's got a few days left to live,
he's on life support,
"he's had a stroke
on one side of his body."
On one side of the room
there's all these friends,
young boys, you know, they're like,
"Yeah, the stripper's here!"
On the other side are his family
who are absolutely devastated.
So I don't know if you can
understand, or begin to imagine,
what it's like
to have two different energies.
Yeah, these boys
are mourning their friend,
but it was like
they weren't accepting
what was actually going on.
Like, I took my glove off
and I gave it to him
and one of his eyes would open
and he knew who I was
and what I was doing in there,
he knew exactly that connection of,
"I know what you're doing.
And you know what I'm doing."
Something I've never experienced
in my life.
So I did the show...
and I left...
and I lost it
when I walked out of there.
It gutted me to think that
that was it. You know what I mean?
I was never going to see that boy
again and that moment that we had,
that acknowledgement
that he was there and I was there,
it was pretty full on.
And then four days later,
I got a message from the agency.
The family had texted a message
to the agency just saying,
"We want to thank Ellashaye
for her time in doing the show,
"but we want to let you know
that he's passed away,
"but we're truly thankful."
If someone asked me
to do that again?
I don't know if I'd do it.
Good morning, Crazy Horse.
Yeah, hi. This is Trinity
from the Miss Nude competition.
I'm just calling to see whether I've
made it into the finals tonight.
Ah, yes, you are.
I did?
(Squeals) Yay!
Hi, this is Mackenzie. I'm ringing
to find out about the finals.
Yeah, unfortunately
you didn't make it into the final.
Oh, okay.
You're still required to be here
at 8-ish for the parades.
Yep.
All right?
All right, thank you very much.
Bye...
Nah.
Really?
Oh well, that's it.
It's not exactly the career choice
I would have chosen for her,
and I was flabbergasted
when she initially told us.
PHONE RINGS
Good morning, Crazy Horse.
Hi Jared, it's Dee.
How you going?
You're in the final.
So we'll see you tonight
at 8 p.m.
All right? Bye.
That was Dee, Danielle Dare.
She's happy.
I'm proud. I really am.
Shut up or I'm going to hit you.
Be more, like theatrical.
Get out.
It's sort of like, (flat)
"Who's this? Dee, you made it."
Why don't you go "Hi, Dee!
Congratulations! You've made it!"
How about a bit of...
If they were like that on the phone
I might be a bit more jovial.
Understand that they're ringing
because their lives are on the line.
They're ringing to think, "What am
I going to hear at the other end?"
But if they hear a happy person,
maybe they'll think,
"Oh wow! He sounds happy. He's
going to give me some happy news."
Instead of (flat) "Oh, you made it,
you're in the final."
Just something... "Hi, Dee."
All those acting classes
that I paid for you all these years
obviously haven't worked, have they?
Yeah.
Sort of throughout the day
I just got some messages
from different groups of people -
we've sort of pieced together...
I think we've figured out
who six of the girls are
who've gotten in, but I don't know
who the final two are.
Find out tonight.
At the end of the night there's
going to be
one very happy person there tonight
- very happy.
Whether the audience agrees with it,
whether the...
the agents and club owners agree
with it, that's besides the point.
One girl is going to be
a very happy girl
and we'll just rely on what
the judges' decision is going to be.
Shall we go to the club now?
Are you excited?
MAN SINGS FRENCH SONG
My God, I'm freaking out,
and I'm not even in it.
I'm so excited. It's so good.
FRENCH SONG CONTINUES
You know, it gets really tense.
I go through it every year
and I've been through it every year.
When it comes to the announcements
of, you know, the awards
at the end of the night, oh,
that's nerve-wracking!
First!
Praying to the stripper gods.
Somebody else
has got to take it over.
All the best to her.
She needs it.
It's a hard year.
If you're your own boss, then it's
a lot easier for you I guess,
but if you work for a club,
then they make sure that you've...
you perform a lot.
And it begins.
Thank you very much.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome
to the Crazy Horse in Adelaide
and Miss Nude Australia 2008.
Another one, Morgan!
Oh, another week, and what
a fantastic week it's been here.
The girls have been fantastic.
FRENCH SONG CONTINUES
Good luck, everybody!
The girls backstage,
how is it tonight?
Oh, you know, it's a bit nervous,
anxious, excited.
It's all the good stuff.
I'm very much relieved.
I'll shove it on the next person.
Seriously... I'm done.
You are going to have a great night,
let me promise that much to you.
Yes!
The line-up is absolutely fantastic.
Go Perth!
Go WA! Yeah!
All right, ladies and gentlemen
and judges,
we'll start tonight's entertainment
here at the Crazy Horse...
As a performer, I guess there
really is nothing more thrilling
than having the yes factor,
and that's what
I really brought
to this competition -
is the entertainment factor.
First contestant on stage.
We need rousing applause
for the very beautiful...
Trinity Porter!
BURLESQUE-STYLE SONG
Things come to those who wait,
but only the things left
by those who hustle,
and I don't want to get the dribs
and drabs, I want to hustle
and I want to get the good jobs
and win the competitions
and, you know, make the most money
and do what I can
so when it's my time to finish up
I can finish up on a high.
Go, Trinity!
APPLAUSE, CHEERS
It's always hard going first.
Any showgirl will tell you that,
it's so hard going first.
Because it's early in the night,
it's early in the shows, you know,
so people aren't
sort of used to everything
so it's just kind of...
I... yeah.
Sorry, I'm just so nervous.
Yeah, it's so hard.
But I think I did awesome.
I never do a bad show.
With a big round of applause,
come on,
let's hear it for Ellashaye!
FRENCH SONG
I'm enjoying myself.
It's the first time I've ever
competed for this sort of thing.
The presentation
has to be immaculate.
Everything counts, everything.
I own that stage,
that's mine for 15 minutes.
I'm going to rock it and that's it,
end of story. (Laughs)
I've never had sex with a sponge
like that ever in my life.
Not like that.
We've done it before,
but never like that.
Hope it will respect me
in the morning.
Like, if you're not out there
watching everybody's show
and everything that you're doing,
you're backstage,
and you hear the crowd, like,
roar at certain points and you're
like, "My God, what is she doing?
"Is she doing some amazing thing
I'd never have any chance of doing?"
FRENCH MUSIC
With a big round of applause,
come on,
let's hear it for Suzie Q!
My best asset in my performance
is kind of characterisation.
Like, I like to play
kind of characters,
at least at the start of my show.
SOLEMN MUSIC
MUSIC BUILDS
I'd love to win Miss Nude.
I feel
I'm at a point in my career
where I seem to be doing
really well. (Laughs)
And this would just help sort of
push me up to the next level.
MAJESTIC MUSIC
I chucked in more acrobatic stuff.
I was like, "I've got to do
some acrobatic stuff"
and I was a bit puffed
when I came off stage,
not enough sexy stuff,
not enough sexy face.
I do have a couple of favourites,
but you've got standouts as far as
personality, standouts in body,
you've got standouts in,
you know, as far as beauty queen.
You know, they all stand out
in their own segments.
There's probably no one
that actually stands out
in all categories,
but it's going to be a tight...
there's going to be
a tight competition.
Miss Nude Australia 2008,
Hottest New Talent.
Let's put our hands together
for Trinity Porter!
The one perhaps something
that in the back of my mind
I worry about long term is...
nice men
don't usually marry strippers.
So from a long-term point of view,
I'm hoping that once she's had enough
of what she's doing
that she does meet somebody who
can appreciate her intelligence
and her enthusiasm and her strengths
and appreciate what she's done
without judging her.
You know, I'm not going
to be doing this for ever.
I'm not going to have
a firm arse for ever,
my boobs aren't
always going to be, you know,
not everything's
going to be perfect,
so I need to make the best
of what it is now
and then, like, I don't know,
I want to succeed
and I want to make a career
out of it, so I guess
I do need to look at it
as a business.
I am a product, I need to sell me.
I'd... you know, I'd rather
her be married to Prince Harry
or something like that.
But that's not where she's going,
so what can I do about it?
Nothing.
Just love her.
Okay, Miss Nude Australia,
Entertainer of the Year,
with a big round of applause,
ladies and gentlemen,
it goes to Ellashaye!
Miss Entertainer of the Year.
I'm really, really happy with it.
It's well-deserved, for sure.
Thank you, I really appreciate it.
I'm truly, truly happy with it.
Next year I'm going to come back.
I don't feel I left with anything
that I didn't deserve
or anything,
because I gave it my all.
And I showed who I was and so
I'm leaving my mark on the industry,
and a positive one.
I'm not going to be the girl
washed up with a drug problem
or anything like that,
because it's not all negative,
and it's not all positive.
But it's a lot of fun.
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
this is the one,
this is the biggie.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Nude Australia 2008 winner,
with a big round of applause,
let's hear it for Suzie Q!
WILD APPLAUSE
POIGNANT PIANO MUSIC
He's going to be asleep.
Still asleep.
Wake up, dude, come on.
It's difficult.
His latest thing is that
he doesn't want me to become a diva,
and that's why he's putting me
back in my place.
I'm like, "No, dude, you're putting
me down." That's different.
So much for the excited "Hi!"
You know what, I deserve someone
who's going to love and respect me
and I've said to him,
if you're up for that,
if you can do that, that's cool,
we can make something happen,
but if you're not, uh...
(Girls chat)
GENTLE MUSIC
Thank you very much.
45 Gs in one year.
How much better does it get?
$45,000 this girl's won.
GENTLE PIANO MUSIC
Yeah, I can't believe
I won best bottom.
Strange.
Anyway, apparently
I have a nice bum.
I think it can be a very sexy
experience for the viewers,
but I think... I don't know...
in an ideal world
isn't it more about appreciating,
like, the beauty of the female form?
No, it's not, is it?
It's just about them getting turned
on by a sexy girl doing sexy things.
Damn.
Captions (c) SBS Australia 2009
Are you ready now?
Yep.
Smile.
Oh, sorry.
Smile again.
APPLAUSE
My name is Trinity Porter
and I am Miss Nude Sydney.
I'm Summer Stevens,
Miss Erotica Australia for 2007.
My measurements are 36...
sorry, fuck!
My name's Ellashaye,
I won Miss Nude Tasmania.
I am Jessie Jackson
and my hobbies include ballet,
forensic science and body sculpting.
I'm Suzie Q, I'm from Sydney.
I'm Miss Nude New South Wales.
My name's Mackenzie
and I'm Miss Nude Hobart.
The Miss Nude Australia
is a pageant that is so credible
and so bona fide that
it helps the girls to progress.
I love watching rugby union
and I love reading.
Strippers can read.
Yes.
Girls, uh, can I just have
five minutes of your time here?
Can everyone
just turn their phones off?
This is very important to you
because I'm going to explain
the judging criteria, and what
I'm going to read to you now
is exactly what we say
to the judges every night.
Word for word,
this is read to them.
So you'll know
what the judging criteria is
and exactly
what they're judging on, okay?
Now, the judges,
the first thing we say to them,
"These contestants have invested
a lot into this pageant.
"You have a responsibility
and obligation
"to bring the same concentration,
organisation and effort
"as the contestants.
"We're not judging biggest breasts,
we're not judging the longest legs,
"nor are we judging
the tightest arse.
"Her face - is it a natural one,
"or does she just flash
her pearly teeth?
"Her hair - is it healthy
and does it complement her face?"
The bottom line of the competition
is that it is a beauty pageant.
There's a $20,000 prize
to one of you.
Thanks very, very much for coming
and all the very best.
It's such a unique week
to be able to go out there
and be naked
and keep a smile on their face
and put on
such a fantastic performance.
It's just amazing.
The Miss Nude Australia
is the pageant
that is the mother of all pageants.
Makes you feel like a movie star
when you're not really a movie star.
Anyone that's made it through
to the Miss Nude Australia
in any particular year,
it means that they've done
really well in their own state.
Oh, my God!
You feel like
you're standing there for ever,
you're getting this big...
your teeth are getting...
your jaw's getting sore
from the big smile.
I love to see the girls
being so competitive.
The costuming and the music
and the presentation of their shows
is just amazing.
There's no...
there's no hidden agenda.
It's entertainment, of good quality
and good standard.
Something to tell the grandkids.
The girl who's just got
that little bit more
and that little bit of oomph
is going to be the winner.
The girls to watch out for and why?
Everybody.
Yeah, I like tattoos.
It's a fighting fish.
It's not quite finished yet.
My mother, oh! She never
has one nice thing to say about it.
When she saw it, she lost it,
she was so pissed off!
We do not want
to speak about the tattoo.
I spent a fortune
with baby powders and creams
to make sure that she was perfect,
and I could not believe
that she would get such a hideous
and gross, deformed-looking,
out-of-control,
ghastly, vomitous, you name it...
I can't think
of enough hideous adjectives
to describe
that gross thing on her arm.
That turns her
from being very classy to yuck!
I don't like it.
Hi.
So, I'm taking everybody
back to where it all began.
Now, something that you might notice
about this place
is there's a pole out the front.
When I first said that I was going
to be a stripper to my parents,
they weren't surprised at all
because I'd spent
hours and hours and hours
spinning and climbing and mucking
around on the pole out the front,
and it was always the family joke
that I would become a stripper.
Well, certainly the standing joke
in the neighbourhood
when Lori was little,
because she loved swinging on
the pole out the front of our house,
the standing joke was that she'd be,
could possibly be, a pole dancer.
So while we were shocked
that the reality came about,
the other half wasn't.
LIVELY GUITAR MUSIC
My biggest problem is...
it's not something that I want
to tell my mother and father
and the grandparents
more than anything,
that that is what she does.
This was our fashion parade catwalk
Mum used to make us do little
shows on when we were younger.
It was good practice
for Miss Nude Australia
when we're doing our parades.
I just think of old times
and off I go.
Costume.
Skirt. Shorts.
Bra. G. Jacket.
How could I forget my prop?
How nice.
HONKS
Formal wear.
Check with jewellery and shoes.
Yep, and me.
That's it.
I'm so excited!
I've never been to Adelaide!
This is my little kitty playhouse
and I use it during my show
to kind of crawl amongst...
and, you know,
do some sexy little poses.
Yep, it's not going to fit,
I'm telling you.
Having any title is beneficial
but, you know,
when you book in a gig,
you're wanting somebody special,
and when somebody says
"How about Miss Nude Australia?"
people are just...
they jump at the chance,
they absolutely, you know, they want
to see the best of the best.
You are,
that's what the title says.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Nude Australia 1995,
here at the Crazy Horse,
here's Juicy Lucy!
OLD-FASHIONED FRENCH SONG
The pageant's been going since...
it started in '91, the pageant.
We were very lucky to have
Miss Nude World here, Heaven Lee.
She came out from the States
and she awarded the girl
with her crown and with her sash.
Miss Nude Australia 1991, which
was a lady called Michelle Lane.
If they're very focused
and they really know
what they want out of the industry,
whether they want
to have recognition
or whether they want financial,
it's all here for them.
Morgan Summers,
she was Miss Nude South Australia,
Miss Nude Australia,
Miss Nude World,
Miss Nude Universe,
all virtually within those 18 months
of this girl winning
the South Australia's...
Went ahead
and won every possible pageant.
OLD-FASHIONED FRENCH SONG
Ultimately it comes down to the fact
that strippers or exotic dancers
are just regular women
who do something
slightly interesting as a job.
It doesn't mean, all the time,
that they're prostitutes,
it doesn't mean they're on drugs,
that they're not intelligent,
it doesn't mean they don't have
other options in their life.
The majority of them choose to do it
because it's something
that they love to do.
It doesn't mean
you can grab their arse,
it doesn't mean
they're going to have sex with you.
I don't know what...
It doesn't mean they're a slut,
anything like that -
it's just their job, okay,
and they usually love it, so...
HONKY TONK MUSIC
This was the first time
I entered Miss Nude - look at that.
Miss Nude New South Wales,
Miss Petite, 2003.
I was really bad.
My bedroom.
My pole.
Can't do much on it because you
end up with one foot in the cupboard
and the other one, like,
out the window, but you can try.
I don't think you have to be
a straight-out exhibitionist
to be an exotic dancer,
but I think you do need
to have some element of some...
that same thing that actors have,
that they want to perform
and have people look at them
and that kind of thing.
I don't know -
I have this secret theory
that we're just dancers who,
you know, couldn't cut it
or just realised that we'd never
earn very much money as dancers.
So, you know,
if we take our clothes off,
hey, we can make a living
out of this.
To all the women out there
who are offended by what we do,
we're just like you.
Yeah, you know, I get up,
I eat breakfast, I walk the dog,
I pay my bills,
it's the same thing,
it's just my way of paying my bills
is slightly different to you.
My current boyfriend
I met in a strip club,
so technically
the first thing he knew about me
before he even knew my name
was that I was an exotic dancer,
but it has still been
a source of much contention
in our relationship,
unfortunately.
He doesn't like my job at all.
At all, at all...
But even after all these years
he doesn't seem to quite understand
that it's not real.
I understand
that most people out of the industry
don't get that it's fantasy.
But he's been to shows
and everything with me
and seen me do same thing
over and over and over
and still thinks
that it's, like, this real...
like I'm this crazy sexual person
or whatever,
and he's like, "I can't reconcile
that with who you are off stage."
I'm like, "It's not real."
But that said,
I don't think any guy
is going to like other men looking
at his girlfriend naked, really.
And I don't know
if I want a guy who's like,
"Yeah, that's totally fine,
whatever," kind of thing.
You know, I want someone to care
about me enough to say something.
But at the same time I don't want it
to destroy my relationship.
Miss Nude Australia
is one of the most...
if not the most, sort of prestigious
exotic dance pageants,
and just to make it
into the Australian final is...
I'm really excited about,
it's really cool
to finally be down here in Adelaide.
This is called a lyra,
which is basically a hula hoop
that you hang from the ceiling,
except it's stainless steel.
For this comp,
I'm going to try a new thing.
I'm trying out naked lyra,
so it's going to either end
really badly or look really cool.
I would love to win it,
just because of the opportunities
that it presents.
You can approach international clubs
and that kind of thing,
which means
more travel opportunities,
more chances to work overseas.
But it hooks up there,
so you'll keep it up all through,
or will it be put up?
It's like a big hula hoop, so it's
just going to have to stay up there.
So we'll have to attach it away...
like, up?
Yeah, Karen mentioned...
Yeah? You've got to be careful
that nothing distracts those judges.
That you've got their attention
from the time you come on stage
till you actually take your bow
at the end to leave the stage.
So when the guys come on -
the girls want tarpaulins put down
in the middle of the show
or a bath put on,
something like that,
it takes away from you.
ROMANTIC MUSIC
Maybe I should take the sock off.
Shoe and sock.
Your tattoo.
That would save you heaps of time.
Stand on my toe, shoe, sock,
then I wouldn't even have to go down.
Don't want to watch the other girls
in case it puts me off.
I get all intimidated.
They're all pretty good.
Some competitions,
you feel that you're sort of cut out
to meet the criteria.
I don't 100% feel
that I am cut out
to meet the criteria
of this competition.
If it was purely
a performance thing,
I'd probably have more of a chance.
But because of this whole beauty
pageant side of it, and me...
I don't know if I'm a beauty queen.
I'm trying.
BURLESQUE-STYLE SONG
My interests are boxing,
dancing, singing and sex.
Five-star hotels, boys...
Sleeping, shopping,
having sex..
I just pretend
that when I'm on stage,
I'm having sex
with the Invisible Man.
That's my style. (Laughs)
That's why I'm Jessie Rude.
Initial entrance to the stage
is with a glamorous costume.
As glittery and as feathery
as possible.
You know, very Vegas, very
Parisienne-type sort of costume.
Following that, they start unrobing
with the second track,
by the third track
they're down to their bikinis.
There is a certain amount
of floor work they do
and of course now they do
a lot of work on the poles as well.
Being able to create
an amazing presence up on stage,
and to dance and to disrobe
and to be up against,
you know, all the finalists, from
every state, is an amazing ability.
WOMAN SINGS:
# I'm supposed to be a lady... #
It makes them concentrate more
on their performance and their act,
rather than just being explicit and,
"Here's my boobs.
"Here's my fanny, have a look,"
you know, sort of thing.
Then it's more about
the performance of the show.
It all adds to the grand finale
of them being naked
and then entering the birdbath
or the shower at the end here.
WOMAN SINGS: # A bit of hanky panky
and some how's-your-father
# Is right up his street,
his cup of tea
# Right up his street,
you wait and see
# I'll tickle his feet
and then he'll marry me. #
For me, dancing,
really dancing
and taking clothes off
at the same time,
is perfect for me, it's
the perfect formula for my dancing.
Just being cheeky. They started it.
Really, really love what I do.
I get a little bit passionate
about it.
ROMANTIC FRENCH SONG
I like the era when ladies
were ladies and men were men.
I like that.
I wish it would go back to that.
I would like to be stuck
in the 1940s, you know,
there's all the wives
wearing curlers
and they're feeding the animals
and smoking in their dressing gowns,
but they all look a million dollars.
That era
where everyone was beautiful
and everyone
took pride in their appearance
and men slicked their hair back,
and they're all handsome looking.
I like that era, that's something
I wish I had've been a part of.
This is all I've done
for six years so,
to put a costume and to take it off,
it's really the art of taking it off
that I'm interested in.
Anyone can take their clothes off
but can you do it...
with a bit of style
or a bit of class
or a bit of something...
We get to wear costumes, and the
music and everything's beautiful,
but this is the things
in the industry
that people don't know about.
You know, you can show up
at a buck's party
and do your thing
and there's always going to be one
in the crowd that gets...
makes himself feel better
by making you feel like this.
You know, because he's got issues
of his own that are not dealt with.
So that annoys me, you know,
that you go out there
to be an entertainer and yet
there's someone to drag you down.
There's always one guy
that wants to degrade you
or speak down to you and has no idea
of who you are in real life.
I'm really sick to death of guys
thinking they're above these girls.
We're there to do a job,
you pay us to go there.
You don't have that right.
No one has that right
to speak to anyone that way.
The photo work
is totally different to stripping.
When it comes to nude modelling,
it's you and your photographer
and your stylist on the day.
If you go to a group of strangers
and try to do something like this,
well, when you get naked,
you don't know, yeah, so it's good.
If you have a good network and a
good support base, you'll be fine.
This is my magazine
that come out last week.
It's not on the shelves any more,
it just got sold out.
So if you have a look...
Are you allowed
to have nudity on this?
This is the layout of it all.
So, my interview, if you read this
it shows that...
It's got nothing smutty in it
or anything yucky.
It's not my personality.
So this magazine is only topless.
Yes, you're fully nude, but there's
no open leg work in this.
This is all closed leg.
And I've done People magazine.
That comes out later on in the year.
This is the first photo shoot
I've done
since I had my breast implants done.
This magazine, Penthouse,
is open leg.
That's where I went straight into
the deep end, straight to Penthouse.
SUBDUED PIANO MUSIC
I think it takes
a certain type of person
to have it in them
to love to do what they do.
But I love dancing, I was a ballroom
and Latin dancer as a child,
from the age of 12.
My father teaches rock 'n' roll.
My dad has never set foot
in a strip club.
He's never... no.
That industry, he wouldn't
even know where to begin with it.
Imagine him
walking into the Crazy Horse
and seeing all the things
that are going on there, on stage -
that would blow his mind.
Blow his mind.
If I knew that I could tell him and
he'd be fine with it, then I would.
But because I know
the devastation...
Because he would go,
"I've done something wrong."
You know, like,
"Why would she do this?
"Is it because of the divorce?
Is it because..."
You know, parents blame themselves
when their children do things
that they wouldn't,
that aren't what normal kids do.
He would be proud
to see me in my costumes.
The whole start of it
would be awesome!
You know, the whole...
Perfect!
Soon as those boobs come out,
"Hang on! Put them away!"
You know?
No, no, no!
My dad always says to my girlfriends
whenever he meets them,
"My daughter,
she's such a wonderful dancer.
"She's so incredibly talented."
My dad is actually right.
I really can dance, but...
I take my clothes off
at the end of it.
My connection
with the Crazy Horse goes back...
coming up
to 27 years ago, actually.
I was employed here
as the resident choreographer
back in 1980, '81,
and have been here ever since.
You are creating a character,
you're creating...
You are, you know, the minute,
the minute my wig goes on
and my lipstick goes on,
I'm not thinking
the way Joseph thinks any more.
I'm thinking the way
that Madame Josephine is thinking.
And, basically, you know, it's...
And you've got to think about
the way you hold your hands,
the way you speak,
the way you project yourself,
you've got to think feminine,
you've got to think female.
And basically,
that's how it all works.
Because it's a character now,
it's not Joseph any more.
You've created that character, and
that character is Madame Josephine.
I'm scared of my eyelashes, I am!
That's beautiful. You've got
beautiful tits, by the way.
(Woman laughs)
They are absolutely gorgeous!
Almost as big as Madame's,
but yours are big.
Are they your own
or are they silicone?
They're mine.
They're your own? Au naturel?
They are beautiful.
Are you single or married?
Married.
Married. Oh my God,
the husband must be in awe.
He loves them!
He loves them!
Does he do the...
what do they call that, Spanish?
Or, yeah...
That's my mum.
That's your mum? That's all right!
She's got big ones too, but yours
are bigger, though, aren't they?
Madame knows exactly what to say...
in the right way
to make a girl push harder,
to strive harder.
She tells it the way it is.
She doesn't beat around the bush.
The way it is
is the way it is with her.
You know, I do show a lot
of compassion towards the girls
and for the work that they're doing,
it's just amazing.
Whether it's a birthmark
or whether
it's a little bit of cellulite,
or whether it's,
you know, too much...
too much of a good thing
over the winter months.
You know, a bit of winter warmth
on our body, that's...
They're exposed,
and it's exposed to criticism.
Therefore, you can come backstage
and see someone really upset
over something that a punter
has said, and I feel for that.
So I take time out in explaining
to the person that, you know,
even myself as an entertainer,
you know, you...
there are people
that have had one too many drinks
or they're just
generally unkind people.
"You judge a human being
on her skills and talents,
"not on any outside prop
or special effects.
"These will be scored on how well
"the contestant utilised these tools
"and not how fancy
or expensive they are.
"You score down tattoos or defects
if they bother you personally.
"If these tattoos or defects
do not detract
"from your idea of a beautiful woman,
ignore them.
"If they bother you,
score them accordingly."
This is our DJ information sheet.
So, what lighting
we want during our show
and what sort of songs
and what times.
I'm going to sit into the crowd,
get them to take my socks off.
I've got little bobby socks on.
I'll get them to touch my feet
so they feel they're part of it.
Da-da da-da! Cutesy, cutesy.
Yep.
Knickers off when it goes
"Wild thing". Take my knickers off.
The run of the show's been done,
and just the final details
are being prepared.
All the girls now know where
they're performing this evening
and what order they're performing.
Number seven. You got last.
Suzie, you get last
every single time!
Every time.
JOSEPH: It is a bit chaotic,
but let's hope...
First night,
let's hope it runs smoothly.
We're looking forward to it.
One more time, ladies and gentlemen,
let's put our hands together
for the very, very beautiful ladies
at the Crazy Horse this evening.
I think I can hear them
ready backstage.
Let's put our hands together,
audience, come on, a bit of...
a bit of excitement in the audience!
FRANTIC FRENCH SONG
What I like,
seeing the girls competing, they...
it gets to about Thursday,
they know the cut's going to come
the next day.
FRENCH SONG CONTINUES
They pull out any trick that they
could possibly pull out, you know.
We take it seriously.
I certainly don't look at judging it
and being able to just tick a box
and think, okay, well, let's
just get this over and done with.
FRENCH SONG CONTINUES
The girls get judged nightly
on the best legs, best butts,
most luscious lungs, hottest body
and sensuous woman.
So basically, those categories,
there are awarded trophies
for each of those categories.
The main sheet that the judges
have got, they score the ladies
on facial beauty, on body,
pole work, personality and talent
and the beauty queen image.
All scores out of 10,
and they're added up.
This is where
the high and the low scores,
where judges
being preferential etcetera,
hard on some, easier on others,
that's how we...
it has to be,
that's how you sort them out.
But you can see tonight,
there's very, very little,
very, very little
in this competition.
So the judges are now judging
for hottest body, Madame.
Yeah, I know they are,
and they're all looking
and it's great because
it sort of gives them a...
They've seen them individually
and now they can actually
see them all standing together
and so it gives
the judges a good window of...
You know,
of basically judging correctly
because only one girl can win
Australia's Hottest Body, Morgan.
Yes, they can. Only one girl will be
awarded that title tomorrow night.
But of course there is Australia's
Hottest Legs, Most Luscious...
Luscious Lungs.
Yeah, Best Buns!
That's my favourite one.
Is it?
I will admit, the best way
to judge a lot of girls' bums
would be to get them all to stand
there and look at their bums.
But it is quite, like, I know
this is going to sound funny
but, like,
standing up like meat.
Because we have different judges
each night,
a different girl could win any time,
like, it just depends entirely
on what the judges want.
Like, you might have
a bunch of judges
that like natural boobs, or ones
that just like big fake boobs.
So what happens is,
when they cut you here
they push the implant through,
they cut your breast tissue
away from your actual rib cage.
They put the implant in
and your breast tissue covers it.
So when you feel them, it's
my breast tissue you're feeling,
you don't feel the implant at all.
You don't know where it starts
and where it finishes.
So I have to massage them
for 15 minutes every day,
and it's fun anyway.
It's nerve wracking being, like,
kind of a pale-skinned redhead
with real boobs, up against,
you know, these amazing, like,
blonde goddesses with surgically
enhanced boobs and everything,
and their beautiful tans
and everything.
It's a bit intimidating.
Dad was all for it,
Mum was completely against it.
When I told her, she was crying
which... I never felt so bad.
It is her life.
So, you know, scars
and unattractive bits and pieces,
you don't want them.
Yeah, so we kind of
had a bit of a moment
and I said "No, don't worry, Mum,
it's going to be okay.
"It's going to be okay."
And off I went to Thailand.
Great hospital -
Yanhee International with Dr Pitch.
They were really, really nice.
And went in and did it,
and there they were
and Mum was quite surprised
at how nice they came,
not too big...
Yeah, I was, I was happy...
happy when I saw her.
A, that she was alive and she wasn't
riddled with some overseas disease.
She goes "Oh, do you want a look?"
Of course I said "Yes, I do."
And I was pleased that she hadn't
gone Dolly Parton or Pamela Anderson
and turned herself into some sort of
plastic-looking ridiculous person.
I hate people asking
"Do you get turned on
"while you're on stage
or when you're doing a show?"
Like, if I'm upside down
in my hoop or whatever,
and I'm, like,
10 metres above a concrete floor,
I'm really not thinking
about gettin' off.
The most amusing type
of audience member is the guy
that's looking in your eyes
and then making a really big deal
of having eye contact with you.
They're like this,
you're doing whatever you can
and they're like this
the whole time.
You turn away for two seconds,
perhaps open your legs,
you turn back
and their view's right there.
Like, it's very funny.
Every time, every time.
I noticed last night
watching in Adelaide
that there doesn't seem to be
a lot of laws about open leg work
and things like that,
whereas in WA it's a lot stricter.
I don't know
whether that means we're backward
and they're ahead of us,
or whether we're ahead
and they're backward and behind us -
I'm not sure which.
But I noticed that it's
quite a bit different over here.
Which I think puts our girls
at a disadvantage, actually,
because they prepare their shows
and perform their shows in WA
to our crowds and to our standards
and then they come here and say,
"They're allowed to do
so much more here."
And they have to actually
adapt their show a little bit
to try and compete
with the other girls.
I want to see you
at the Moulin Rouge.
Where it's all, you know,
really glamorous and elegant...
Yeah.
Full on and whatever.
They don't get nude enough for me.
Oh! Okay.
It's nude enough for me,
but anyway...
It's your pink bits,
so what can I say?
Whether you go into clubs, pubs,
people that come to competitions
or book you for private shows,
you get such a mix.
They're young, they're old,
they're, you know, Lebanese,
they're Asian, they're Australian,
they're politicians.
They're B-grade celebrities,
they're fathers, they're brothers,
95% of them are fine, they all
just want to see a beautiful girl
doing a good show
at the end of the day.
I got a request to go and do a show
in an intensive care unit
in a hospital.
I got a phone call saying,
"Ellashaye, you've been requested,
they want you.
"We don't know exactly
what's going on there,
"but we know it's an 18-year-old boy
and we know he's dying,
"and he's requested for you
to do a show there."
SOMBRE MUSIC
So we walked into the hospital
and I met the boy's...
As I was going into the room,
his mother come out.
I don't know if you've ever seen
a mother who knows
that she's going to lose her son...
Oh God, I'm going to cry.
There's nothing that you will ever
see in your whole life, to know...
to see that look on someone's face.
And lose their son,
and you're going to go in there...
I don't know if it's the only time
he's ever seen a naked girl,
but you're going in there
to someone's deathbed, literally.
And they said to me
"Look, he's dying of a brain tumour,
"he's got a few days left to live,
he's on life support,
"he's had a stroke
on one side of his body."
On one side of the room
there's all these friends,
young boys, you know, they're like,
"Yeah, the stripper's here!"
On the other side are his family
who are absolutely devastated.
So I don't know if you can
understand, or begin to imagine,
what it's like
to have two different energies.
Yeah, these boys
are mourning their friend,
but it was like
they weren't accepting
what was actually going on.
Like, I took my glove off
and I gave it to him
and one of his eyes would open
and he knew who I was
and what I was doing in there,
he knew exactly that connection of,
"I know what you're doing.
And you know what I'm doing."
Something I've never experienced
in my life.
So I did the show...
and I left...
and I lost it
when I walked out of there.
It gutted me to think that
that was it. You know what I mean?
I was never going to see that boy
again and that moment that we had,
that acknowledgement
that he was there and I was there,
it was pretty full on.
And then four days later,
I got a message from the agency.
The family had texted a message
to the agency just saying,
"We want to thank Ellashaye
for her time in doing the show,
"but we want to let you know
that he's passed away,
"but we're truly thankful."
If someone asked me
to do that again?
I don't know if I'd do it.
Good morning, Crazy Horse.
Yeah, hi. This is Trinity
from the Miss Nude competition.
I'm just calling to see whether I've
made it into the finals tonight.
Ah, yes, you are.
I did?
(Squeals) Yay!
Hi, this is Mackenzie. I'm ringing
to find out about the finals.
Yeah, unfortunately
you didn't make it into the final.
Oh, okay.
You're still required to be here
at 8-ish for the parades.
Yep.
All right?
All right, thank you very much.
Bye...
Nah.
Really?
Oh well, that's it.
It's not exactly the career choice
I would have chosen for her,
and I was flabbergasted
when she initially told us.
PHONE RINGS
Good morning, Crazy Horse.
Hi Jared, it's Dee.
How you going?
You're in the final.
So we'll see you tonight
at 8 p.m.
All right? Bye.
That was Dee, Danielle Dare.
She's happy.
I'm proud. I really am.
Shut up or I'm going to hit you.
Be more, like theatrical.
Get out.
It's sort of like, (flat)
"Who's this? Dee, you made it."
Why don't you go "Hi, Dee!
Congratulations! You've made it!"
How about a bit of...
If they were like that on the phone
I might be a bit more jovial.
Understand that they're ringing
because their lives are on the line.
They're ringing to think, "What am
I going to hear at the other end?"
But if they hear a happy person,
maybe they'll think,
"Oh wow! He sounds happy. He's
going to give me some happy news."
Instead of (flat) "Oh, you made it,
you're in the final."
Just something... "Hi, Dee."
All those acting classes
that I paid for you all these years
obviously haven't worked, have they?
Yeah.
Sort of throughout the day
I just got some messages
from different groups of people -
we've sort of pieced together...
I think we've figured out
who six of the girls are
who've gotten in, but I don't know
who the final two are.
Find out tonight.
At the end of the night there's
going to be
one very happy person there tonight
- very happy.
Whether the audience agrees with it,
whether the...
the agents and club owners agree
with it, that's besides the point.
One girl is going to be
a very happy girl
and we'll just rely on what
the judges' decision is going to be.
Shall we go to the club now?
Are you excited?
MAN SINGS FRENCH SONG
My God, I'm freaking out,
and I'm not even in it.
I'm so excited. It's so good.
FRENCH SONG CONTINUES
You know, it gets really tense.
I go through it every year
and I've been through it every year.
When it comes to the announcements
of, you know, the awards
at the end of the night, oh,
that's nerve-wracking!
First!
Praying to the stripper gods.
Somebody else
has got to take it over.
All the best to her.
She needs it.
It's a hard year.
If you're your own boss, then it's
a lot easier for you I guess,
but if you work for a club,
then they make sure that you've...
you perform a lot.
And it begins.
Thank you very much.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen,
and welcome
to the Crazy Horse in Adelaide
and Miss Nude Australia 2008.
Another one, Morgan!
Oh, another week, and what
a fantastic week it's been here.
The girls have been fantastic.
FRENCH SONG CONTINUES
Good luck, everybody!
The girls backstage,
how is it tonight?
Oh, you know, it's a bit nervous,
anxious, excited.
It's all the good stuff.
I'm very much relieved.
I'll shove it on the next person.
Seriously... I'm done.
You are going to have a great night,
let me promise that much to you.
Yes!
The line-up is absolutely fantastic.
Go Perth!
Go WA! Yeah!
All right, ladies and gentlemen
and judges,
we'll start tonight's entertainment
here at the Crazy Horse...
As a performer, I guess there
really is nothing more thrilling
than having the yes factor,
and that's what
I really brought
to this competition -
is the entertainment factor.
First contestant on stage.
We need rousing applause
for the very beautiful...
Trinity Porter!
BURLESQUE-STYLE SONG
Things come to those who wait,
but only the things left
by those who hustle,
and I don't want to get the dribs
and drabs, I want to hustle
and I want to get the good jobs
and win the competitions
and, you know, make the most money
and do what I can
so when it's my time to finish up
I can finish up on a high.
Go, Trinity!
APPLAUSE, CHEERS
It's always hard going first.
Any showgirl will tell you that,
it's so hard going first.
Because it's early in the night,
it's early in the shows, you know,
so people aren't
sort of used to everything
so it's just kind of...
I... yeah.
Sorry, I'm just so nervous.
Yeah, it's so hard.
But I think I did awesome.
I never do a bad show.
With a big round of applause,
come on,
let's hear it for Ellashaye!
FRENCH SONG
I'm enjoying myself.
It's the first time I've ever
competed for this sort of thing.
The presentation
has to be immaculate.
Everything counts, everything.
I own that stage,
that's mine for 15 minutes.
I'm going to rock it and that's it,
end of story. (Laughs)
I've never had sex with a sponge
like that ever in my life.
Not like that.
We've done it before,
but never like that.
Hope it will respect me
in the morning.
Like, if you're not out there
watching everybody's show
and everything that you're doing,
you're backstage,
and you hear the crowd, like,
roar at certain points and you're
like, "My God, what is she doing?
"Is she doing some amazing thing
I'd never have any chance of doing?"
FRENCH MUSIC
With a big round of applause,
come on,
let's hear it for Suzie Q!
My best asset in my performance
is kind of characterisation.
Like, I like to play
kind of characters,
at least at the start of my show.
SOLEMN MUSIC
MUSIC BUILDS
I'd love to win Miss Nude.
I feel
I'm at a point in my career
where I seem to be doing
really well. (Laughs)
And this would just help sort of
push me up to the next level.
MAJESTIC MUSIC
I chucked in more acrobatic stuff.
I was like, "I've got to do
some acrobatic stuff"
and I was a bit puffed
when I came off stage,
not enough sexy stuff,
not enough sexy face.
I do have a couple of favourites,
but you've got standouts as far as
personality, standouts in body,
you've got standouts in,
you know, as far as beauty queen.
You know, they all stand out
in their own segments.
There's probably no one
that actually stands out
in all categories,
but it's going to be a tight...
there's going to be
a tight competition.
Miss Nude Australia 2008,
Hottest New Talent.
Let's put our hands together
for Trinity Porter!
The one perhaps something
that in the back of my mind
I worry about long term is...
nice men
don't usually marry strippers.
So from a long-term point of view,
I'm hoping that once she's had enough
of what she's doing
that she does meet somebody who
can appreciate her intelligence
and her enthusiasm and her strengths
and appreciate what she's done
without judging her.
You know, I'm not going
to be doing this for ever.
I'm not going to have
a firm arse for ever,
my boobs aren't
always going to be, you know,
not everything's
going to be perfect,
so I need to make the best
of what it is now
and then, like, I don't know,
I want to succeed
and I want to make a career
out of it, so I guess
I do need to look at it
as a business.
I am a product, I need to sell me.
I'd... you know, I'd rather
her be married to Prince Harry
or something like that.
But that's not where she's going,
so what can I do about it?
Nothing.
Just love her.
Okay, Miss Nude Australia,
Entertainer of the Year,
with a big round of applause,
ladies and gentlemen,
it goes to Ellashaye!
Miss Entertainer of the Year.
I'm really, really happy with it.
It's well-deserved, for sure.
Thank you, I really appreciate it.
I'm truly, truly happy with it.
Next year I'm going to come back.
I don't feel I left with anything
that I didn't deserve
or anything,
because I gave it my all.
And I showed who I was and so
I'm leaving my mark on the industry,
and a positive one.
I'm not going to be the girl
washed up with a drug problem
or anything like that,
because it's not all negative,
and it's not all positive.
But it's a lot of fun.
All right, ladies and gentlemen,
this is the one,
this is the biggie.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Miss Nude Australia 2008 winner,
with a big round of applause,
let's hear it for Suzie Q!
WILD APPLAUSE
POIGNANT PIANO MUSIC
He's going to be asleep.
Still asleep.
Wake up, dude, come on.
It's difficult.
His latest thing is that
he doesn't want me to become a diva,
and that's why he's putting me
back in my place.
I'm like, "No, dude, you're putting
me down." That's different.
So much for the excited "Hi!"
You know what, I deserve someone
who's going to love and respect me
and I've said to him,
if you're up for that,
if you can do that, that's cool,
we can make something happen,
but if you're not, uh...
(Girls chat)
GENTLE MUSIC
Thank you very much.
45 Gs in one year.
How much better does it get?
$45,000 this girl's won.
GENTLE PIANO MUSIC
Yeah, I can't believe
I won best bottom.
Strange.
Anyway, apparently
I have a nice bum.
I think it can be a very sexy
experience for the viewers,
but I think... I don't know...
in an ideal world
isn't it more about appreciating,
like, the beauty of the female form?
No, it's not, is it?
It's just about them getting turned
on by a sexy girl doing sexy things.
Damn.
Captions (c) SBS Australia 2009