The Parent Trap (1998) Movie Script

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one l see
Vis very, very extraordinary
E is even more
than anyone that you adore can
Love is all that l can give to you
Love is more
than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart
and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you
Love is all that l can give to you
Love is more
than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart
and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you
L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one l see
Vis very, very extraordinary
E is even more
than anyone that you adore can
Love is all that l can give to you
Love is more
than just a game for two...
How about a souvenir picture?
Can you turn towards each other?
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you
- Oh, God! My phone does not work!
- How are we ever gonna live?
Thanks.
There's a counsellor.
Where's the Navajo bunk?
lt's right there. You can't miss it.
Good afternoon.
l'm Marva Kulp, your camp director.
Now, let's find our duffels.
We have a big first day ahead of us.
l'll hand over now to my daughter
and right-hand man, Marva Junior.
Marva, bunk assignments,
if you please.
All right. Listen up!
We got Berg, Kate - lroquois...
Wait a minute,
l thought this was a boys' camp.
OK, found my duffel.
Now the question is,
how do l get it out?
OK, l can do it. OK... No, l can't.
- You must be new.
- How can you tell?
You didn't grab your duffel before
the apes tossed it into the heap.
- You need some serious help.
- Thanks. lt's the big yellow one.
- Whoa! That's my kind of woman.
- Yo, tie-dye girl!
Could you help with my duffel?
lt's buried in there.
Sure.
Oh, that? No problem.
- You're from California?
- Do you live in Hollywood?
- Near a movie star?
- What are you? Lucy and Ethel?
l've never even been to Hollywood.
l live in Northern California.
- And l live by a vineyard.
- A what-yard?
Where you grow grapes to make wine.
That's what we do, me and my dad.
- Parker, Hallie.
- Right here!
- Arapaho.
- Same as me!
Come on, you guys.
So, either of you
know how to play poker?
- Nah, never played it before.
- No? Gee, what a shame.
So...how much cash did
you guys bring with you this summer?
Whoa! Who is in there?
OK, Arapahos, come on! Let's go!
Well, here we are -
Camp Walden for Girls.
We travelled
all the way from London for this?
lt's rather picturesque, don't you think?
Not exactly the term
l think l would've used.
Right, shall we
review your mother's list?
- Now, let's see. Vitamins.
- Check.
- Minerals.
- Check.
- List of fruits and vegetables.
- Check, check.
Check for fruits, check for vegetables.
Sunblock, lip balm,
insect repellent, stationery, stamps,
photographs of mother, grandfather
and, of course, trusty butler - me.
- Got it all, l think.
- Oh, this is from your grandfather.
A spanking new deck of cards.
Maybe you'll actually find somebody
who can whip you at poker.
l doubt it, but thanks.
Thanks for bringing me, Martin.
Now, if you change your mind
and want me to collect you,
l'm only a phone call away.
Thanks, but l'll be fine. Really.
See you in eight weeks, old pal.
Missing you already,
queen of my heart.
- Have fun, old bean.
- l will.
- Toodle-oo.
- Toodle-oo.
Airport, please.
Such a feeling's coming over me
There is wonder
in the things l see
Not a cloud in the sky
Got the sun in my eyes...
Mom! Mom!
Are you there? Pick up! Mom!
No, no, no. Slow down.
You've got to have some, too, OK?
- Something...
- Ooh, it smells good.
- l'll save you a seat, Annie.
- Thanks.
Excuse me, girls. l must have some
of these gorgeous strawberries.
- Would you care for some?
- Oh, no, thanks. l'm allergic.
- That's too bad. How about you?
- l wish l could, but l'm allergic.
Yes, allergic.
You just...told me that.
How did you get over there?
Oh, first day of camp.
You'll have to excuse the old girl.
At least l'm not putting
salt in the sugar shakers.
l mean, you know,
sugar in the salt sha...
Now where did she go?
Touch.
- Good job.
- All right! Excellent, kids!
Still undefeated champ, from Napa,
California, Miss Hallie Parker!
Do we have any challengers?
Come on, ladies,
let's not be damsels in distress.
- l'll take a whack at it.
- OK, we got ourselves a challenger.
Suit up.
Here l go.
Thanks.
Go, Annie!
- Fencers ready?
- Ready.
All set.
En garde! Fence!
Oops.
Touch!
- Nice catch.
- Thank you.
Touch!
Sorry. Let me help you.
- Let me help YOU!
- Why did you do that?
- You pushed me in!
- l did not!
OK, that was quite a show! l think
we got ourselves a new camp champ.
From London, England,
Miss Annie James!
All right, girls, shake hands.
Come on, girls.
- They look alike!
- Look at them!
- Why is everyone staring?
- Don't you see it?
- See what?
- The resemblance between us.
Resemblance between you and me?
Let me see. Turn sideways.
Now the other way.
Well, your eyes
are much closer together than mine.
Your ears...well, you'll grow into them.
Your teeth are a little crooked.
And that nose!
Well, don't worry. lt can be fixed.
- Want me to deck her?
- Hold on. l'm not finished yet.
You know
the real difference between us?
Let me see.
l know how to fence and you don't?
Or l have class and you don't?
- Why, l oughta...
- Ladies.
Time to break up
this love fest. Annie, Hallie...
l mean,
Hallie, Annie... l mean... Whoa!
Sorry, ladies.
Two pair. Read 'em and weep.
- l'm out.
- So, that's it? No more takers?
l'll take a whack at it.
Take a seat, Parker.
Deal me in.
On the day l was born
The nurses all gathered round
And they gazed in wild wonder
At the joy they had found
The head nurse spoke up
Said, ''Leave this one alone''
She could tell right away
That l was bad to the bone
Bad to the bone...
Tell you what, l'll make you a deal.
Loser jumps
into the lake after the game.
- Excellent.
- Butt-naked.
Even more excellent.
Start unzipping, Parker.
Straight...in diamonds.
You're good, James.
But...you're just not good enough.
ln your honour - a royal flush.
- Hot stuff!
- Love the birthday suit!
Grab her clothes!
Right. Fine.
lf that's the way you want it,
then let the games begin.
Your evil clone sneezed all the way
across the mess hall this morning.
l am so tired. l'm going back
into bed and sleeping till lunch.
That does not seem
like a possibility, babe.
- Why not?
- That's why not.
No way.
- Shh! Quiet.
- Oh, l hope they're sleeping.
The coast is clear. OK, come on.
Payback time.
Shh!
Got milk?
Oh, my God!
She didn't get me.
That girl is
without a doubt the lowest,
most awful creature
that ever walked the planet!
Thank you. Thank you very much.
- Morning, girls.
- Morning, Marvas.
Marvas!
Surprise inspection! Attention!
Navajos!
No, Marva. Do not go in there.
A girl got sick last night,
and it is a big mess.
Save yourself the aggravation.
lt's really disgusting.
Oh, if someone's sick,
then l must go in.
- Move aside, dear.
- No, really. l insist.
l can't let you go in there.
She's highly contagious. Honest.
Actually, we're all quite fine,
unless Hallie Parker
knows something we don't know.
Really, l insist.
See for yourself, ma'am.
Stand aside, Hallie.
Mother!
No!
- l told you it was a mess in here.
- She should know. She did it!
You and you...
pack your bags!
OK, girls, the rest of you,
back to your activities.
You two, the isolation cabin.
Oh, gosh! lt's stuck!
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
Oh, man!
Oh, here's your...
Cuppy.
- Any of your pictures ruined?
- Only the beautiful Leo DiCaprio.
- Who?
- Leonardo DiCaprio.
- How far away is London, anyway?
- Well, from here it's 3,000 miles,
but sometimes it seems much further.
- How far away is your home?
- Oh, the other end of the country.
Actually,
here's a picture of my house.
- Wow! lt's beautiful.
- We built it when l was little.
We've got this incredible porch that
looks over the entire vineyard and...
- Who's that?
- Oh, that's my dad.
He didn't know
l was taking the picture.
He's kind of my best friend.
We do everything together.
- What's the matter?
- lt's chilly in here, that's all.
- Want one?
- Oh, sure. l love Oreos.
At home,
l eat them with peanut butter.
You do? That is so weird.
- So do l.
- You're kidding?
Most people
find that totally disgusting.
- l know. l don't get it.
- Me, either.
What's your dad like?
ls he one of those workaholic types
that says, ''l'll talk to you later,
honey,'' but never really does?
l don't have a father, actually.
l mean, l had one once, l suppose.
But my parents divorced years ago.
My mother never even mentions him.
lt's like he evaporated into thin air.
lt's scary the way
nobody stays together any more.
- Tell me about it.
- How old are you?
l'll be 12 on October 11th.
- So will l!
- Your birthday's on October 11th?
- How weird is that?
- Extremely.
Oh, hey! lt's stopped raining.
You wanna
go get a popsicle or something?
- What's the matter?
- Hallie, what's your mother like?
l never met her. She and my dad
split up when l was a baby.
He doesn't talk about her,
but l know she was really beautiful.
- How do you know that?
- My dad had this old picture of her,
and l looked at it all the time,
so he gave it to me.
Look, l'm really thirsty.
Sure you don't want something?
Stop thinking about
your stomach at a time like this.
- At a time like what?
- Don't you realise what's happening?
l mean, think about it.
l only have a mother,
and you only have a father.
You've never seen your mum,
and l've never seen my dad.
You have one old picture of your mum
and l have one old picture of my dad.
At least yours is probably
a whole picture. Mine's pathetic,
all crinkled
and ripped down the middle...
What are you rummaging
in your trunk for?
This. lt's a picture
of my mom, and it's ripped, too.
Right down the middle?
Right down the middle.
This is so freaky.
OK, on the count of three,
we'll show them to each other, OK?
OK.
One...
- Two...
- Three.
- That's my dad.
- That's my mum.
- That's the lunch bell.
- l'm not so hungry any more.
So, if your mom is my mom
and my dad is your dad...
..and we're both born
on October 11th...
then you and l are, like...like sisters.
Sisters? Hallie, we're, like, twins.
l just don't know what to say.
What's that you're holding?
My locket. l got it
when l was born. lt has an ''H'' on it.
l got mine when l was born, too,
except mine has an ''A'' on it.
Well, now l've got goose bumps.
My God,
so l'm not an only child. l'm a twin.
There's two of me. l mean, two of us.
- This is, like...
- Mind-boggling.
- Totally.
- Completely.
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
Tell me, what's Mom like?
Well, she designs wedding gowns.
- Really?
- She's becoming quite famous.
A princess in Greece
bought one of her gowns.
Wow!
You know what's interesting?
Neither one of our parents
ever got married again.
- Has Dad ever been close?
- Never.
He says l'm the only girl in his life.
Mum's never come close either.
l have a brilliant idea.
l'm serious! l am a total genius.
- You wanna know what Dad is like.
- Right.
And l'm dying to know Mom.
So, what l'm thinking is...
Don't freak out, OK?
l think we should switch places.
l'll go back to London as you,
and you go back to California as me.
- What?
- We can pull it off. We're twins.
Hallie, we're totally and completely
100% different.
So? l'll teach you to be me,
and you teach me to be you.
Look, l can do you already.
The difference between us?
l have class and you don't.
Come on, Annie. l gotta meet my ma.
The truth is, you know, if we switch,
sooner or later,
they'll have to unswitch us.
And when they do,
they'll have to meet again.
- After all these years.
- Thank you.
l told you l'm brilliant.
OK, this is Grandfather.
He's so cute! What do we call him?
- Grandfather.
- Why didn't l think of that?
- This is Martin. He's our butler.
- We have a butler?!
OK, living room.
Here's the dining room.
We only eat in there on Thanksgiving,
Christmas and October 11th.
OK. l'm ready.
- Don't shut your eyes.
- Oh! OK. Right.
- Sorry. Just a little nervous.
- You're nervous?
An 11-year-old is cutting my hair!
- You sounded just like me.
- l'm supposed to. Go on. Just do it.
Don't panic! You look great.
Looking good!
This is so scary.
Honey, you never looked better.
Oh, my God.
What?
l have pierced ears.
No. No, no and no. Not happening.
Sorry, wrong number. l won't. l refuse.
Then cutting your hair was a total waste.
l can't go to camp with pierced ears
and come home without 'em. Get real.
Needle sterilised.
You sure you know what you're doing?
Relax. l've gone with all my friends
to get their ears pierced.
Just close your eyes.
lt'll be over before you know it.
- Earring ready?
- Yes.
Hand me the apple.
Thank you. Just relax.
This is not a big deal.
On the count of three,
remove the ice. One...two...three.
Girls, time to say your last goodbyes.
The buses are loading.
l'll see you guys next summer.
l promise.
- OK, so call me every single day.
- And write me. Don't forget.
- OK, this is it.
- Find out how Mum and Dad met.
- You find out why they broke up.
- Annie James. Your car's here.
That's you. Here's your ticket.
Martin picks you up tomorrow.
- What time do you leave?
- Not for a while.
- Kiss Mum for me.
- And kiss Dad for me.
Annie James, front and centre!
- Bye. Love you.
- Last call, Annie James!
- Bye-bye.
- Bye.
Good luck.
OK, this is it.
Oh, God. l hope she likes me.
Please like me. Please.
- Annie!
- Martin!
- Missed you.
- Missed you.
- What happened to your hair?
- Cut it. Do you like it?
Love it! lt's the new you.
And you've had your ears pierced.
Give me five, girlfriend.
There she goes
There she goes again
Racing through my brain
And l just can't contain
This feeling that remains
There she goes
There she goes again
- She calls my name
- There she goes
There she goes again
- Home again.
- Thank you.
This is it. Seven Pembroke Lane.
Hello?
Grandfather?
- l'm home.
- ls that my little girl?
- That tall gangly thing?
- Yes, it's me.
Oh, welcome home.
Did you have a good time, sweet pea?
- Great.
- What are you doing?
- Just smelling.
- Smelling?
- l'm making a memory.
- Oh.
Years from now, when l'm grown up,
l'll always remember my grandfather,
and how he always smelt of...
peppermint and pipe tobacco.
- Good to have you back.
- Annie?
Annie?
- Mother.
- You're back!
- l can't believe it's you.
- And l can't believe it's you.
And with short hair. Who cut it?
A girl at camp. Do you hate it?
No, l absolutely love it.
You got your ears pierced?
Well, are there any other surprises?
Belly button rings, tattoos?
Oh, darling, what is it?
l'm sorry.
lt's just l've missed you so much.
Oh.
- l know. lt seems like forever.
- You have no idea.
So, come on,
did you like everyone? Was it fun?
Ah, Martin.
l found a stowaway in your suitcase.
- Oh, my God, Cuppy.
- Cuppy?
He belongs to the friend
l was telling you about.
l can't imagine how this happened.
Since he's not ours, shall we dispose
of the little creature?
No! l mean no. l'll mail him to her.
She loves this thing a lot.
She's slept with it her entire life.
She could never be, say,
in a foreign country without him.
l'll take care of it, Martin. Thank you.
Hello? Oh, hi.
How's the photo shoot going?
Well, can't you manage without me?
Annie just got home from camp.
Yeah.
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and l say
lt's all right...
OK, hold on. Annie, would you really
hate coming to the studio with me?
No, l'd love it.
Here comes the sun
Here comes the sun, and l say
lt's all right
Little darlin'
Their smiles
are returning to their faces
Little darlin'
lt seems like years
since it's been here
Here comes the sun...
Wow! That's incredible.
You designed that?
l had to do something
while you were away. lt isn't too...?
No, it's gorgeous. l love it.
You know who would look
really beautiful in that gown?
- Who?
- You.
Me? l think
that time change has made you loopy.
Let's see what all the fuss is about.
- OK, l'm here.
- Ah, we're saved.
- Hi, Vendela.
- Hi. What do we do with the veil?
lf she doesn't wear it, it looks...
lncomplete. You're right. Can
you turn sideways with your chin up?
l see the problem. Give me the veil?
Annie, darling, pass me
one of those hats in the window.
- Me?
- Yes, you.
- Which do you like?
- The white one.
Me, too.
Try this.
Now, throw the veil straight back.
That's it. Now spin around.
That's beautiful.
Just how it falls, just down there.
Don't worry about the bouquet.
You're married now.
And look happy.
lt is your wedding day.
My mom is too cool.
- l'll never let you go
- Never, never gonna let you go
l'll never let you go
l'll never let you go
l'll never let you go
l'll never let you go...
Don't all the wedding gowns make you
think about getting married again,
or at least about the F-word?
- The F-word?
- My father.
Oh, that F-word. Well, no, actually,
because l didn't wear a wedding gown
when l married the F-word.
You didn't? Why not?
Why the sudden curiosity
about your dad?
Maybe because he's never mentioned.
You can't blame me for wondering.
You can't avoid the subject forever.
What was he like?
OK. He was quite lovely, to tell the truth.
When we met,
he was actually entirely lovely.
- All right?
- So, did you meet him in London?
- We met on the QE2.
- QE what?
lt's an ocean liner
that sails from London to New York.
l wasn't keen on flying.
Neither was your father.
We met our first night aboard at dinner.
- He's an American.
- No kidding!
Was it love at first sight?
l knew you were gonna ask me all
these questions one day. Taxi!
Dear old Dad. l wonder
what he's doing at this very moment.
Thanks.
Oh, gosh! lt's him.
Hey, Hal!
Welcome home, kiddo.
- Come here, you little punk!
- Dad!
Finally.
l hope you had a lousy time
because you are not going back.
l missed you too much.
What happened to you, Hal?
Something's changed.
Are you getting taller?
So, what's up, Dad?
l mean, how's Chessy and everybody?
Great. Everybody's great.
Can't wait to see you.
Eight weeks really is too long.
A lot's been happening.
A lot's happened to me, too, Dad.
l feel like practically a new woman.
What's the matter? l cut myself shaving?
No, it's just seeing you for the first time.
l mean, you know, in so long.
- You look taller to me, too, Dad.
- Come on, squirt. Let's get home.
Oh, by the way,
thanks for all those letters.
l'm glad l bought that personalised
stationery you just had to have.
- We meant to write, Dad, but...
- ''We''?
Oh! Oh, me and my friend.
- Me and this girl got really close.
- Great.
Practically like sisters.
She was a lovely girl.
''Lovely girl''?
Suddenly, you're so proper?
- Still biting those nails, l see.
- Dad, you noticed!
Noticed? You've bit 'em
since you could chew.
But l've decided to stop, Dad.
lt's a horrid habit.
''Lovely girl''? ''Horrid habit''? Was it
summer camp or finishing school?
And why do you keep saying ''Dad''?
Sorry. l didn't realise l was doing it, Dad.
Sorry, Dad.
Do you wanna know
why l keep saying ''Dad''?
Because you missed
your old man so much, right?
Exactly.
lt's because in my whole life...
l mean, you know, for eight weeks...
l was never able to say ''Dad''.
Never. Not once.
And a dad is an irreplaceable person
in a girl's life.
Think about it. There's a whole day
devoted to celebrating fathers.
Just imagine
someone's life without a father.
Never buying a Father's Day card,
never sitting on their father's lap,
never being able to say,
''Hi, Dad'' or ''Catch you later, Dad.''
A baby's first words are always ''da-da''.
Let me see if l get this.
You missed calling me ''Dad''?
Yeah. l really have, Dad.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Now you sound like your old self.
Oh, hello, gorgeous! Oh, look at you!
Oh, you grew!
Oh, we missed you so much!
Don't let him talk you out of going
back to camp. You need adventure.
- OK.
- Are you hungry?
l made cornbread
and chilli. What's wrong?
Nothing. lt's just...
l'm so happy to be home.
Hey, did l hear cornbread and chilli?
Yeah, it's on the stove. So,
something's changed about you, Hal.
l can't put my finger on it,
but something has definitely changed.
Really? Well,
it's just the same old me. Honest.
Hi, Sammy!
What is wrong with you,
you goofball? lt's Hallie.
Oh, l probably
just smell like camp, that's all.
What's the matter with you?
lt's like you didn't recognise her.
Wow!
lt's even better than the pictures.
OK, kiddo, what do you wanna do first?
You wanna eat and then unpack,
or we could unpack and then eat,
or we could eat while we unpack.
l can eat in my room?
Yeah, l'd say it's a possibility.
Hey, when you're done,
there's someone l want you to meet.
- OK, Dad.
- OK, Hal.
Look at you. Always eating.
- Did you tell her?
- No.
- Nicky.
- Tell me what?
lt is none of my business. He's a big boy.
He can do what he wants.
OK, OK. So, who is she?
Her name's Meredith Blake.
She's a publicist from San Francisco.
Your father hired her to do
some publicity for the vineyard.
lf you ask me, she's better
at selling herself than the grapes.
What do you mean?
Oy.
Look, we both know your father's not
some bachelor-of-the-month type,
so what does hot young thing
like that see in a guy
who walks around
with a cereal bowl full of chilli?
Then l realised there's about
a million reasons why she's giggling.
And all of them
are at Napa Valley Bank.
You don't think she even really likes him?
What do l know? But she's got him
eating out of the palm of her hand.
They do everything together -
ride together, swim together,
they eat out every night.
Know what? See for yourself.
Don't let me influence you.
There's my girl. Honey,
l want you to meet a friend of mine.
Hal, this is Meredith Blake.
Hi.
Hi, Meredith Blake.
l can't believe l'm finally
meeting the famous Hallie.
- l have looked forward to this.
- Really? Well, here l am.
Oh, Nicky, she's adorable.
You know, l expected a little girl,
but you are so grown up.
l'll be 12 soon. How old are you?
- Twenty-six.
- Only fifteen years older than me.
- How old are you again, Dad?
- Suddenly interested in math?
Look, l'm gonna get some more chilli,
maybe some champagne to celebrate.
- What are we celebrating?
- Your homecoming, of course.
Be right back.
Meredith Blake.
Hello, Reverend Mosby.
Of course.
l understand it's a local charity?
Oh, yes. l am writing it all down.
OK, it sounds very worthwhile, l agree,
but, unfortunately,
Mr Parker will be out of the country.
Yes, absolutely. l will be sure
to mention it to him. Thank you.
So, how was camp, Hal?
Was it fabulous?
- My dad's going out of the country?
- Oh, no.
l had to tell a little white lie
to get him out of something.
l have never heard a man talk about
his daughter the way Nicky does.
You two are obviously incredibly close.
We're closer than close.
We're all each other has.
- Sorry. Did l get you wet, Mer?
- Just a little, Hal.
Hey, guess what. Your daddy took me
riding and let me ride your horse.
- l hope that's OK with you.
- Oh, sure.
Sprout's used
to strange women riding her.
Not that you're strange or anything.
Actually, compared to the others,
you are relatively normal.
- Others? What others?
- You want the 4-1-1?
- What's the 4-1-1?
- The information on other women.
Don't blame you. l'd wanna know
if l was number 29 in a man's life.
- l'm number 29?
- Yeah, it's always the same routine.
Horseback riding through the vineyards,
romantic dinners with special reserve
label wine, moonlight swims...
Here we go.
A bottle of special reserve label.
So, did you find something
to talk about while l was gone?
- Does that mean yes?
- lt sure does.
Would somebody grab that, please?
James residence.
- Annie?
- Yes, Martin?
lt sounds just like you.
To whom did you wish to speak?
Annie? Of course. One moment, please.
A Mildred Plotka for you.
Sounds just like your twin.
My twin?
Very funny. Good one, Martin.
Hello? Oh, Mildred, darling!
Hi. How are you?
- Hey, how's it going over there?
- Oh, everything's quite lovely here.
Mildred, can you hold on for a moment?
OK, but hurry. l've got to talk to you.
OK. l can talk.
Oh, my God! Mom's incredible.
l cannot believe l lived without her.
She's beautiful and fun,
and l love her designs.
- But...
- And l got her talking about Dad.
- lf you ask me, there's...
- Hallie, stop.
We've got a problem.
Bring Mother here immediately.
lmmediately? Are you nuts?
l've only had one day with her.
- l can't. l won't.
- lt's an emergency. Dad's in love.
Get out of here.
Dad doesn't fall in love.
- At least not seriously.
- He's serious about this one.
He's always holding her hand
and waiting on her hand and foot.
- He is?
- lt's disgusting.
Break 'em up.
Do whatever you have to.
l'm trying,
but l'm at a slight disadvantage.
l only met the man 12 hours ago.
You've got to come and help me.
l can't. l want more time with Mom.
- What's going on?
- Annie, are you still there?
- l'm here. What...?
- l think l lost you.
Hello?
Thanks for all the help, Hal.
Ahem...
Hi. l had a phone call
from a friend at camp.
lt's an old camp tradition -
talk from inside a closet.
Kind of stupid, l know, but...
So...breakfast, anyone?
OK, here we go.
Most important meal of the day.
Eggs sunny side up, bacon,
toast, and if you're really hungry,
a stack of chocolate chip pancakes,
which smell incredible.
Thanks, Chessy.
You're not hungry again? You hardly
touched your chilli - your favourite.
- Are you sick, honey?
- l'm fine, l promise.
- Where's Dad?
- Oh.
He and Miss Just-Half-A-Grapefruit
left about an hour ago.
You overslept,
and he didn't wanna wake you.
l'd oversleep, too, if l were up
at midnight making phone calls.
Oh, that. l was calling
a friend from camp. Mildred.
- She lives in New York.
- Oh, l see.
So, you waited to call Mildred then
because of the time difference?
Exactly.
Because of the time difference.
So you waited until it was 3 a.m.
her time? That makes perfect sense.
Actually...it was 7 p.m. her time.
She lives in New York,
but she was on vacation in Bora Bora.
Very smooth.
OK, your father wants to meet you
at his office after breakfast.
He does? Thanks. l'm done.
That dog has gotten
so weird. Bye, Chessy.
Thanks again for breakfast.
lt was great.
Push, Hal.
Sorry, l forgot.
Honey, l'm really glad you're here.
There's something
really important l wanna talk about.
That's funny. There's something
important that l wanna talk about.
- Yeah? You go first.
- No, you.
OK. l wanna talk to you about Meredith.
And l wanna talk to you
about my mother. What about Meredith?
- What about your mother?
- Dad, l'm almost 12.
How long do you expect me
to buy that story about the stork?
Hal, we've talked about your mother.
No, we haven't. Not really.
A girl needs more
than a half a crumpled photograph.
Dad, l'm almost a teenager.
Face it, l need a mother.
You know what? You're right.
You're absolutely right.
You do need a mother,
which brings me to...
- Meredith.
- Hi. Hello, Hal.
- Hi.
- This is my assistant, Richard.
This is Nick's daughter,
the one l've told you about.
- Oh, hello. How are you?
- Hi, there.
- Did you tell her?
- Almost.
Hey, let's all have lunch on the terrace.
Well, l promised Hal
we'd hang out together.
Oh, no problem. l've got plenty to do.
l'm working on a label design
featuring Y-O-U. You'll love it.
- See you for dinner. Bye, Hal.
- Bye.
The first change l make is to send
that little brat to boarding school.
- Ooh, ice woman!
- And proud of it, babe.
Come on, Dad!
OK, OK! You win.
Hold on. Give that horse a rest.
Whoa, Sprout!
So, honey,
you excited about our camping trip?
- What camping trip?
- What camping trip?!
The one we take every summer.
Oh, that camping trip.
Yeah, sure. l can't wait.
So, er, Hal...
what do you think of Meredith?
As what, Dad?
Your publicist? Your friend? Your...?
No, just what
do you think of her...as a person?
She's cute. She has nice hair, teeth.
She can spell the word ''you''.
Honestly, Dad, the woman's
a complete stranger to me.
- Why do you want my opinion?
- l'll tell you why, Hal.
- Because believe it or not...
- Race you back, Dad!
Hal!
Hal, l'm trying to tell you something!
Hey, slow down!
l'm in so over my head here.
l'm only one kid.
Anything
you wanna share with the class?
Chessy, you gave me a fright.
l ''gave you a fright''?
You scared me.
l didn't know you were, like, here.
Are you sure there isn't anything
you wanna talk to me about?
Like why Sammy
never comes near you any more?
Or why your appetite's changed?
Or why suddenly you're neat as a pin
and using expressions
like ''you gave me a fright''?
Chessy, l changed a lot
over the summer, that's all.
OK. Boy, if l didn't know any better,
l'd say it's almost like you were...
Forget it. lt's impossible.
- Almost as if l were who, Chessy?
- Nobody. Forget l mentioned it.
Almost as if l were Annie?
- You know about Annie?
- l am Annie.
Hal? Hal, why did you take off
on me like that?
l wanted to talk to you about something.
Why are you looking at her like that?
Like what? l'm not looking
at her any special way.
l'm looking at her
like l have for 11 years.
Since the day
she came home from the hospital.
Six pounds, eleven ounces.
This is how l look at her!
Can l hug her?
Oh, she's so beautiful.
And so big. l'm gonna
make you something special to eat.
What would you like?
Anything? lt doesn't matter.
l'm just gonna go whip up
everything we've got, OK?
Hal, come here.
- We have to talk.
- OK, shoot.
OK.
Honey, l wanna know what you think
about making Meredith
part of the family.
Part of our family?
- Yeah.
- l think it's an awesome idea.
- Yeah?
- lnspired. Brilliant.
- Really? You do?
- Totally. lt's a dream come true.
- l've always wanted a big sister.
- Oh, ho...
Honey, you're missing the point.
No, l'm not.
You're going to adopt Meredith.
- That is so sweet, Dad.
- No, l'm not going to adopt her.
l'm...going to marry her.
Marry her?! That's insane! She's
young enough to be my big sister!
Hal... Hal... Hal, calm down.
Hal! Are you speaking French?
l learned it at camp. OK. l'm sorry.
Let's discuss this calmly and rationally.
- Yeah. And in English, all right?
- OK.
Sweetheart, what has gotten into you?
Nothing. Nothing. Just... Just...
Dad, you can't get married.
lt'll totally ruin completely everything!
Hal... Hal...
Hallie!
Don't look at me. l don't know a thing.
She thought l was going to adopt her?
- Hi, doll.
- Hi.
You look stressed, baby.
- How about a martini?
- How about a double?
Coming right up.
Chessy!
Don't you love it?
lt's just what we need. Chessy!
- You rang?
- Two martinis, please.
And make Mister Parker's a double.
Chess, please? l'm getting a migraine.
- l told Hallie.
- You did? And?
She started yelling in French.
l didn't know she spoke French.
- l don't know what's got into her.
- Oh, Nicky,
this reaction is totally classic.
lt's Daddy's-Getting-Remarried 101.
l'd be worried if she didn't act this way.
Look, why don't l go talk to her?
You know, woman to woman.
l think she's a little sensitive
about you right now.
That's why l need to do it.
We've got to break the ice sometime.
Wear your shirt like this. l like it
when l can see a little chest hair.
Knock, knock. Can l join you?
Sure.
Guess the engagement
came as a shock, huh?
Basically.
l remember what it was like to be 11.
lt's a wonderful age.
You're starting to feel
like a woman and, believe it or not,
soon you'll understand about love.
Me? l don't think so. l don't even
have my 12-year-old molars yet.
Well, take it from someone who got
their molars very early in life,
being in love is a fantastic mystery
that takes a man and a woman...
l don't mean to be jerky, but l know
what mystery my dad sees in you.
- You do?
- You're young, beautiful and sexy.
The guy's only human, but marriage
should be based on more than sex.
Boy, your father underestimates you.
But you won't...will you, Meredith?
Being young and beautiful's
not a crime, you know?
And for your 4-1-1, l adore your father.
He's the kind of man
l always planned on marrying.
This is the real deal, and nothing
you do can come between us.
Sorry, angel, but you are no longer
the only girl in Nick Parker's life.
- Get over it.
- lf this is the real deal,
then my dad's money has nothing to do
with you wanting to marry him, right?
OK, puss, l am marrying your father
in two weeks, like it or not,
so don't tangle with me any more.
You are in way over your head.
ls that clear?
Crystal.
Martin, a refill, please.
You must've grown three inches,
l swear, in six weeks.
- Lovely wine, Martin.
- Thank you, sir.
- May l have a sip?
- l don't think you'll like it.
Well, the bouquet's
a little too robust for a merlot,
but then l'm partial
to the softer California grape.
She learned about wine
at the summer camp?
She must have.
- Darling! You all right?
- l had one sip too many, l guess.
You know, l could use a bit of fresh air.
- May l step outside?
- Shall l go with you?
Oh, no, no, no. l'll be fine.
Just got a touch woozy, that's all.
Woozy, huh?
Yes, collect call to America, please.
- Hello?
- What's up?
Hal, l'm desperate.
Dad's getting married.
- What do you mean getting married?
- Tie, gown, the whole enchilada.
- What?!
- The wedding's in two weeks.
lf we're getting Mom and Dad back
together, we've got to do it fast.
OK, Mom and l are going
to the theatre tonight.
- l'll drop the bomb in the morning.
- OK, thanks.
- And, Hallie, hurry!
- OK, l will.
Oh, excuse me, sir... Uh-oh.
Uh-oh. Yes.
Now, what say you and l
take a little stroll, young lady?
OK.
- Now, what's this all about?
- Well, it's a long story.
Well, it's a very big park,
and we've got plenty of time.
Just do it, sweet pea.
Allez, au revoir. Come in.
l just have to finish this sketch,
then how about we go out to lunch
and spend
the rest of the day in Harrods?
l can't, sorry.
l have to go out of town today.
You have to go out of town?
Where, may l ask, are you going?
Annie? Annie?
That's where l have to go. To Annie.
- l see. And where might Annie be?
- ln Napa with her father, Nick.
- You're not Annie?
- That would be correct.
You're Hallie?
l am.
Annie and l met up at camp,
and we decided to switch places.
l'm sorry, but l'd never seen you,
and l dreamt
of meeting you my whole life.
Annie felt the same way about Dad,
so we sort of just switched lives.
l hope you're not mad,
because l love you so much.
l hope that one day you
could love me as me, not Annie.
Oh, darling...
l've loved you your whole life.
l've never been
so happy in my entire life.
So, l... l guess you
have to switch us back now?
Well, technically, you belong
to your dad and Annie belongs to me.
His and Hers kids.
No offence, Mom,
but this arrangement really sucks.
- l agree. lt totally sucks.
- l say we fly to Napa,
see Annie and Dad,
and work this whole thing out.
And l say you're right. Not to worry,
l'll take care of everything.
You're not to worry, OK?
l'm sorry, l can't handle this.
l haven't heard
from Nick Parker in over 11 years.
Suddenly, l'm flying
halfway across the world to...
l'm not mature enough for this.
lf he didn't make me nuts,
l'd be married to him.
We did this
so we'd never have to see each other.
Look at me. Have you ever seen me
like this? Don't answer that.
What if he doesn't recognise me?
No, don't answer that either.
So, Hallie said he was a...a hunk?
He was rather dishy. His smile
made me go weak at the knees.
- OK, l'm all set, Mom.
- Great. Me, too. Almost.
- Mom, your suitcase is empty.
- Oh, right, sorry.
Did you speak to your father, dear?
Yeah, l just hung up.
He's really anxious to see you.
Anxious-nervous, like he's totally,
completely dreading it,
or anxious-excited,
like he's looking forward to it?
- Anxious-excited, definitely.
- Oh.
He'll meet us tomorrow at
the Stafford Hotel in San Francisco.
My, my.
That's incredibly soon, isn't it?
Well, you run downstairs and get our
tickets from your grandma...father.
- OK.
- Liar, liar, pants on fire.
Shh!
Martin, l have a ridiculous request.
You're more than a butler to me.
You're like a loveable brother
who happens to wait on us.
- Anyway, l was wondering if...?
- l'd accompany you on the trip?
Would you, Martin?
Thank you! l'd be so grateful.
- You can come just as a friend.
- Madam, l'd be honoured.
And may l say,
as a friend, if l were seeing my ex
after 11 years, and l had your legs,
l'd wear this little baby.
You'll kill in it.
- Bye, Daddy, darling.
- Bye, darling.
- Wish me luck.
- Good luck.
- Bye, Pop.
- Bye, Hal.
You're coming
to Napa for Thanksgiving, right?
l wouldn't miss it for the world.
Bye.
- Say hello to your father for me.
- l will.
OK, they'll be here any minute.
Now, be nice, Daddy.
He's everything you ever wanted for
your little girl, plus millions more.
Then you know l'll be nice.
Oh, OK. There he is.
With the whole motley crew.
- Hi, darling.
- Hi.
Hallie, Chessy...and Sammy -
what in the world are you doing here?
- Honey, a dog at the Stafford?
- Hal begged me.
Oh, you're such a softie.
Good doggie.
So, Meredith, these the folks?
Yes. Mom, Dad, you finally meet.
This is my fianc and the love
of my life, Nicholas Parker.
Hello, Nicholas. l'm so pleased
to meet you. l'm Vicki.
And this is Nick's
adorable daughter Hallie.
This entire prenuptial
get-together was her idea.
How are you? We've heard nothing
but wonderful things about you.
Hello, pet.
You may call me Aunt Vicki.
- Other end, madam.
- Whoops!
That was a great flight. lt was so quick.
l've never seen you
quite so thirsty, madam.
Would you believe, Martin, darling,
l've never tasted vodka before?
- Could've fooled me, ma'am.
- Come on. Let's rock and roll.
l am in such major trouble here.
The room is perfect for the wedding.
Not too big, not too cramped.
l like the idea of a wedding at the
house, but this could be amazing.
l've checked us in. Let's freshen up
and then rendezvous for lunch.
- Great.
- Meet you in the bar in ten.
- Perf.
- Sweetheart?
Why don't we go
check out the honeymoon suite?
l bet it is to die for.
Ooh, whoops! l forgot my bag.
Hey, hang on. Sammy!
Sammy!
Sammy!
- Excuse me, did you find a beige...?
- Thank you.
- Mum!
- You didn't have to wait for me.
l could've found the room by myself.
Besides, l need a little fresh air.
Go on, sweetie.
l'll meet you upthstairs.
l like that jacket.
Were you wearing that on the plane?
- Mum, watch ou...!
- Sorry. Sorry.
She's drunk! She's never had more
than one glass of wine in her life,
and she chooses today
to show up totally zonked.
Yeah, well, just do what the woman
says and meet her upthstairs.
..that's why they make
Do Not Disturb signs.
Alone at last.
Hallie Parker!
Oh, don't do this to me.
l'm already seeing double.
- lt's me, Mum. Annie.
- Oh, darling!
You look wonderful.
Oh, my girls.
l can't believe you're together.
- But how could you do this to me?
- Excuse me, l hate to interrupt,
but might l suggest that we continue
this little pow-wow inside?
Hi. You probably don't remember me...
Chessy!
l knew l always liked her.
One of you - l'm not sure
which one at the moment -
told me your father
knew l was coming today.
The man l saw in the elevator had
no idea we were on the same planet,
- let alone in the same hotel.
- You saw Dad already?
Yes, l did.
The man went completely ashen,
like l was
the Ghost of Christmas Past!
Can someone get
something cold for my head?
l've pondered what it would be like
to see your father after 11 years.
Well, me waving like a mindless idiot
while he's wrapped around another
woman is not what l had in mind.
No, siree.
- Martin! What are you doing?
- Going for a dip. Do you mind?
No, no, no. That's perfectly perfect.
Have fun. Someone ought to.
Hello.
Hello. Hello to you.
- Chessy, this is our butler, Martin.
- How do you do? l'm her butler.
Enchant, mademoiselle.
Gee.
The pleasure's all mine, monsieur.
You were telling me why you brought
me here without telling your father.
Were they? OK, that's good.
Then l'm just gonna go
check out the mini-bar.
- Allow me to assist you.
- Wait!
Does everyone here
know something l don't know?
Mum, Daddy's getting married.
To Cruella de Vil. She's awful.
We can't let him go through with it.
She's wrong for him. The only way he
won't marry her is... You tell her.
ls if he sees you again.
Wait. You're not trying
to set me up with your father.
Actually, we are.
You're perfect for each other.
Hold it! You two knew about this?
- What? Oh, no.
- No!
- No, no, no, no.
- Madam, absolutely no idea.
- Yes. l did know something.
- Technically, yes.
- Hallie told me the story.
- lt was so sweet.
- l'm an old romantic.
- So am l.
OK, OK.
Let me say this loud and clear.
Nick Parker and l have absolutely
nothing in common...any more.
Plus, he seems extremely content
with his leggy,
tight-skirted, bare-backed fiance.
l want you to explain to your father
that l am here for one purpose only -
to switch the two of you back.
Now, let's do what we have to do
and be done with it. Understood?
- Hey, Dad.
- Just running down to the lobby.
Do me a favour, will you? Will you
look after Meredith for me? Thanks.
Hallie, Hallie? How do l look?
Like, presentable and everything?
- Not too old?
- You look fab, Dad. Young and fab.
- Dad!
- l thought you were with Meredith?
l was? l mean, l am. Yeah.
l was just looking for her, actually.
lt's great to see you, Dad.
lt's great to see you, too, squirt.
- Nice outfit.
- Oh, thanks.
Well, go on. Get up there. Come on.
Let's get together,
yeah, yeah, yeah...
- Where's your father?
- You talkin' to me?
What are you,
Robert DeNiro? Yes, l am.
Oh, Meredith. Yeah, l just saw him.
Well, hello! Where was he?
He went that-a-way. l think.
- What are you staring at?
- Oh, nothing.
You're just very pretty, that's all.
Don't say you're gonna break
your rotten streak and be nice.
lf you see your father,
tell him he's late and l'm waiting.
Whatever you say, Cruella.
Here you go.
This'll cure anything you've got.
- Just don't ask what's in it.
- OK.
Here's to... Here's to you.
May your life
be far less complicated than mine.
Thank you.
Martini, dry, please.
l beg your pardon.
l think l just drank tar.
Here's your Martini
and your bill, Miss James.
Thank you.
- You're Elizabeth James?
- Guilty.
l saw your wedding dress
in ''Vogue'' and fell in love with it.
l faxed your office yesterday.
They said that you were out of town.
l can't believe it. lt's fate.
- l'm Meredith Blake.
- How do you do?
Sorry.
- Excuse me.
- Excuse me.
- Where have you been?
- This is perfect for the wedding.
- The more l see, the more l like it.
- Me, too.
Absolutely.
Now, how many are we expecting
from your side of the family?
Can l get back to you?
l'm not sure at the moment.
Excuse me.
Pardon me. Sorry.
- Boss, are you OK?
- l'm fine.
- Sir...
- Dad, watch out!
- Hello, Liz.
- Hello, Nick.
Well, gosh, there you are.
What do you know?
ls there something going on here?
Because l'm stunned to see you,
but, er...you don't seem
as stunned to see me.
l mean, l haven't heard from you
in, what, ten, eleven years?
- All of a sudden on the very day...
- Dad, l can explain why she's here.
- Hallie, you know who this is?
- Actually, yes.
And, actually, l'm not Hallie.
Actually, l am.
Both of them?
Annie? Hallie?
l guess you and Mum think alike.
You sent us to the same camp, and the
whole thing just sort of spilled out.
They switched places on us, Nick.
l've had Annie with me all this time?
l wanted to know what you were like,
and Hallie wanted to know Mum, and...
- Are you angry?
- Oh, honey, of course not.
l just can't believe it's you.
Last time l saw you,
you had diaper rash. You're all wet.
- lt's all right.
- Look at you!
Well, l'm quite grown up now
and quite without a father.
And l'm headed
into my crazy teenage years,
and l won't have
a mother to fight with.
Hallie,
you've been in London all this time?
Come here, squirt.
Mom's amazing, Dad.
l don't know how you ever let her go.
Girls, why don't you let
your father and l talk alone, OK?
- Sure, fine.
- Take your time.
l don't believe this.
Seeing them together...seeing you.
- Ow!
- Let me help you with that.
- Do you have a first aid kit?
- Yeah, of course.
Why don't you lie down?
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
So...how are you, Lizzie?
Or does everyone
call you Elizabeth now?
Oh, no, no. Lizzie's fine.
My dad still calls me Lizzie.
Yeah, l've been...been terrific.
You know, you haven't changed a bit.
Finally! There you are.
Oh... Oh, good, you've met.
Honey, Elizabeth designs
wedding gowns. She's making...mine.
Wait. l don't understand.
How did you two meet?
- And, Nicky, why are you all wet?
- You're making her wedding gown?
- l didn't know she was your fiance.
- How did you two meet?
- Am l missing something here?
- This is one small world.
- How small?
- Hi, Mer.
- Hello.
- How you doin'?
Honey, did l mention
that Hallie was a twin?
No, l'm afraid
you forgot that little detail.
Don't feel bad, Mer.
He never told me, either.
By the way, l'm Hallie. This is Annie.
She was being me while l was being her.
And this is our mother, Elizabeth James.
- This is your mother?
- Yes.
- You were married to him?
- Guilty again.
- Well, this is a small world.
- And getting smaller.
And what a coincidence that
we're all here on the same weekend.
My, my, my! How sweet.
Hal, l've had enough surprises
for one day. Where are we going?
You're gonna love it, Dad. Trust me.
Hello.
Hey.
So...do you have
any idea where they're taking us?
- Not a clue.
- Right.
Where are we?
This is where we're eating?
No, actually, that's where we're eating.
She's ours for the night.
Wow! So, how exactly
are we paying for this?
- Well, we pooled our allowances.
- Yeah, right, Annie.
- OK, Grandfather chipped in a bit.
- Annie.
- OK, he chipped in a lot.
- Come on. You'll love it.
Pretty snazzy.
Elizabeth and Nick,
your dinner awaits you.
Girls!
The table's only set for two.
Oh, that's the other part of
the surprise. We're not joining you.
- You're not?
- No, but l am.
Good evening. l'm Chessy.
l'll be your server this evening.
- No wisecracks, please.
- And l'm Martin, your sommelier.
May l offer you some bubbly, in
the hope that you'll get schnockered
and not fire this lovely lady and myself
for following the orders
of these audacious 11-year-olds?
Annie, mood music, please.
Just relax. Sail through time...
back to yesteryear.
- You do get all this, don't you?
- Yes, l'm beginning to.
They're recreating the night we met.
- The boat, the music...
- The help.
- lt's so sweet.
- l think l'll take that drink.
Thank you, Martin.
Oh, yeah.
To tell you the truth, l haven't
been on a boat since the QE2.
Neither have l.
- Well, then. Here's to...
- Our daughters.
Our daughters.
Now l know how a goldfish feels.
Some time, if we're ever really alone,
maybe we could talk
about what happened between us.
lt all feels a bit hazy
to me now. lt ended so fast.
lt started so fast.
Well, that part l remember perfectly.
Things are heating up quite nicely.
l'd say it's safe
to serve the vichyssoise.
You ladle, l'll serve.
Yes, l'll...ladle...
Right. And then l'll...
- Serve?
- Right.
So, you've done fantastically well.
Your dream of owning your own
vineyard, it actually came true.
What about you? You were always
drawing on napkins and newspapers.
- Now you're this major designer.
- Yeah, it's great.
- We both got where we wanted to go.
- Yeah. We did.
Anyway, what are we going
to do about the girls?
Well, we can't keep them apart.
Well, l could keep them
for half the year, then you...
They can't go to two
different schools. That's nuts.
- l agree.
- l could keep them for a year...
Liz, that's why we came up with...
Oh! Sorry.
lgnore me. Enjoy your soup.
That's why we have
the solution that we have.
Really? l thought it was because we
decided not to see each other again.
Not we, Liz.
Well, that part's
become a bit hazy to me, too.
- Remember the day you packed?
- That day l remember perfectly.
Did l hurt you when
l threw that...? What was it?
- lt was a hairdryer.
- Oh, right.
Sorry.
You know,
l may never be alone with you again,
so about that day
that you packed...why'd you do it?
Oh, Nick. We were so young
and we both had tempers.
We said stupid things, and so l packed.
Got on my very first 747
and...you didn't come after me.
l didn't know you wanted me to.
Well, it really doesn't matter any more.
So, let's put a good face on for the girls
and get this show on the road.
Yeah, sure.
Let's get this show on the road.
- Your passport. Have a safe trip.
- Thank you.
- All set, then. Where's Annie?
- She's on her way down.
Right.
So, l'll send Hallie to you over Christmas.
And Annie'll spend Easter with you?
Annie, why are you in those clothes?
Here's the deal, Mom.
We think we're being totally gypped.
Dad promised we'd go on our camping
trip, and we wanna go...together.
- What camping trip?
- The one we go on every summer.
- Annie, go and put your clothes on.
- Sure l'm Annie?
- Of course l'm sure!
- 100% positive?
Girls, this is totally unfunny.
Your mother will miss her plane.
- Annie!
- Yes?
This one's Hallie. l'm positive.
l hope you're right, Dad.
You wouldn't wanna send
the wrong kid back to England...
..would you?
Here's our proposition. We go back
to Dad's house, pack our stuff,
and the four of us go camping.
- Four of us?
- After, we'll tell you who's who.
Or you do as we say, and l take
one of you to London, like it or not.
What am l supposed to do,
sit home and knit?
Honey, we have
kind of a sticky situation.
Sticky situation?
What do you mean, sticky situation?
Excuse me. What is she doing here?
That's part of the deal.
The four of us, we go together.
Are you the Brady Bunch?! This is...
- Hello. Everything all right?
- Well, no, actually. lt isn't.
l didn't realise
that you were going on this outing.
And l'm not sure that l'm OK with it.
l agree. The ex-wife
in the next sleeping bag is weird.
- Thank you.
- l insist that you come. Really.
- Liz...
- No, honestly, Nick.
lt's the least l can do. Really. Please.
Dad, what's Meredith doing here?
Your mother invited her.
- What?!
- Be nice.
OK, all set? Have fun, everyone.
Liz, what are you doing?
Well, you and Meredith need
some time alone before the big day.
- Mom, come on, that's not the plan.
- You'll have more fun without me.
Wait. lf you're not going, l don't
have to go. l'm not a nature girl.
But it's your chance
to get to know the girls.
Starting next week, they're half yours.
Have fun, all of you.
Bye.
l would pay big money
to see that woman climb a mountain.
Come on, you guys.
Oh! l'm gonna kill my trainer.
He says l'm in great shape. l can't
believe people do this for fun.
- Hold on. We're stopping.
- Again?
At this rate, it'll take us
three days just to get there.
Meredith isn't used
to the altitude. Just chill. OK?
l'm in serious pain. Somebody
hand me my Evian. l can't move.
Sure.
Brilliant.
Here you go, Mer.
Honey, you OK? What happened?
This guy was on her Evian bottle.
- Oh, he won't hurt you, Mer.
- Oh, right, right, right. l know.
You...go ahead. l'll be fine.
Get it away from me! l hate things
that crawl! How can you touch that?
- Just put it down.
- OK, OK. l'll put it down.
- Girls?
- What?
l'm taking the lead. The two
of you help Meredith, all right?
Sure you'll help me.
Right over a cliff, you'll help me.
- Not a bad idea.
- Yeah, see any cliffs?
- My backpack...
- Need a hand, Mer?
Not from you. Don't think l can't see
right past those angelic faces.
One more trick and l promise
l will make your lives miserable
from the day l say, ''l do.'' Got it?
Got it, Cruella.
What did you call me?
- Nothing, nothing. Not a thing.
- Cruella.
Oh, by the way, Mer, l think
there's something on your head.
You all right?
What happened?
Ask...them.
What did we do, Dad?
We were right behind you.
- This is really good.
- Yeah, l know.
Here we go, girls.
This'll hold us for a while.
Sure you don't want some trout, Mom?
ls that OK, to call you ''Mom''?
l think your mother
would prefer ''Meredith''.
And no, thank you, l do not eat trout,
for the thousandth time.
l'll wait until breakfast.
What are we having?
Trout.
- lt's part of the experience.
- What's the other part?
Being eaten to death by mosquitoes?
You'd think they like this stuff!
Well, what's that you're using?
Here, let me see that.
You'll attract every mosquito with
sugar and water. Where'd you get it?
That's it. l am taking one large
sleeping pill and going to bed.
Meredith? What are you doing?
l don't want mountain lions to...
There are no mountain lions
up here, are there?
No.
Good night.
Girls, l'm telling you - lay off.
This isn't her thing.
l'm not marrying her
because she's Annie Oakley.
- Who's Annie Oakley?
- Just cool it.
- Come on! Come on!
- OK.
l hope that one large
sleeping pill worked.
- You take that side.
- All right.
- Gosh, she's heavy.
- She's also, like, snoring.
Nicky?
Sweet dreams, Mommie dearest.
That feels nice.
Nicky!
Oh, man!
- What's going on?
- Here's what's going on, buddy!
The day we get married, l ship
those brats off to Switzerland.
Get the picture?
lt's me or them. Take your pick.
Them.
- Excuse me?
- T-H-E-M. Them. Get the picture?
Hello. You're back so soon.
- Did you have fun?
- l wouldn't say fun.
- You wouldn't?
- We're punished for a century.
Starting now. Go.
- Where's Meredith?
- We played some harmless tricks
and she freaked out a little.
A little? Hmm!
She threw this at my head.
At least it's smaller than a hair dryer.
lt's my fault.
lf l hadn't suggested she go...
Oh, tricked.
Tricked would be more like it.
Like mother, like daughters.
- l really am sorry.
- We are, too, Dad. Really.
Up to your room. Now.
l gotta remember to thank them one day.
So, where's Chessy? l'm starving.
Well, she and Martin went off
on a picnic around noon...yesterday.
Really? Who would've thought?
My nanny, your butler.
So, shall l whip up something to eat?
- You can cook now?
- Oh, yeah, l can make pasta...
- and pasta and...
- Pasta sounds good.
Well, pasta it is.
OK, l'll take two.
- Hey, Dad.
- Wow, you look so nice.
- Where are you going?
- Good night, ladies.
- Wow!
- This is my private stash.
- Did you know l also collect wine?
- Really?
Mm-hmm. l'm a man
of limited interests. Come here.
This is a 1921 Burgundy.
They say the rain that year made this
the best Burgundy ever harvested.
Now, you will appreciate this.
Come here.
Look.
VJ Day, 1945?
- That's incredible.
- l love that.
Now, this wine was served
at my parents' wedding.
A Bordeaux, '52.
l think my sister
was conceived on this baby.
What's this one?
''Where dreams have no end. 1983''.
- That one took years to track down.
- Why? Where's it from?
lt's the wine
that we drank at our wedding.
l now have every bottle ever made.
You do?
l do.
- Can we open one?
- l'd only drink it with you.
- You OK?
- Oh, yeah.
- Just a little dust in my eye.
- Want a clean sleeve?
No, l'm fine, really. All better.
You don't always have to be so brave.
Oh, but l do, actually.
That will be Chessy.
She has a key.
Hello? Anybody home?
We'll be right up.
Oh, every time
We say goodbye
l die a little
Every time
We say goodbye
l wonder why a little
Why the gods above me
Who must be in the know
Think so little of me...
- Take care of yourself.
- Yeah, l will.
You, too.
Bye.
- l love you.
- l love you, too.
l can hear
A lark somewhere
Begins to sing about it
There's no love song finer
But how strange the change
From major to minor
Every time
We say goodbye
Hello? We're home.
- Grandfather?
- l'll check the study.
Hey, stranger.
Hey, Mom, did you know
that Concorde takes half the time?
Yes, l've heard that.
What are you doing here?
lt took 30 seconds for us to realise
we didn't wanna lose you two again.
''We''?
We.
l made the mistake
of not coming after you once.
l won't do that again,
no matter how brave you are.
And you expect me
to go weak at the knees
fall into your arms and say,
''We'll just figure this out.''
A bi-continental relationship with
our girls raised here and there...
and you and l just picking up
where we left off...
and growing old together and...
and...
Come on, Nick, what do you expect?
To live happily ever after?
Yes. To all of the above.
Except you don't have to cry hysterically.
Oh, yes, l do.
We actually did it.
This will be
An everlasting love
This will be
The one l've waited for
This will be
The first time
anyone has loved me, oh
l'm so glad
He found me in time
And l'm so glad that
He rectified my mind
This will be
An everlasting love for me, whoa
Loving you
ls some kind of wonderful
Because you've shown me
Just how much you care
You've given me
the thrill of a lifetime
And made me believe
you've got more thrills to spare, oh
This will be
An everlasting love
Oh, yes, it will now
You've brought
a lot of sunshine into my life
You've filled me
with happiness l never knew
You gave me more joy
than l ever dreamed of
And no one, no one
can take the place of you
This will be
You and me
Yes, siree
Eternally
Huggin' and squeezin'
and kissin' and pleasin'
Together forever,
through rain or whatever
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You and me
So long as l'm livin',
true love l'll be givin'
To you l'll be servin'
cause you're so deservin'
Hey, you're so deservin'
From now on
From now on, yeah
From now on
From now on, yeah...