The Price of Nonna's Inheritance (2024) Movie Script
1
[crickets chirping]
[waves crashing]
[gunshot]
Anna!
[breathing heavily]
He's gone to Ceccano.
[gunshots]
[man screams]
- [woman screaming]
- ["Figli delle stelle" playing]
THE PRICE OF NONNA'S INHERITANCE
[man] Are we ready?
[crowd] Yeah!
[man] I want you pumped!
TWO MONTHS EARLIER
This was a big song in high school!
It's a song for Alan!
[cheering]
["Figli delle stelle" continues]
[man] Guess who?
Oh.
I know. I think.
Was it my hands
or my voice that gave it away?
It was both.
How long has it been now?
I'm scared to even say it.
I suppose it's true.
It's been too much time.
I've traveled all of South America,
all the way to Chile
- and Bolivia and also Venezuela.
- [mellow music playing]
What were you doing there?
My own kind of theater. Spontaneous.
New works that were provocative
and very political.
And I was arrested.
Because of your political theater?
Mm. For dealing drugs.
In some countries, you can't make it
as an artist without dealing drugs.
How's your mother now?
Is she still acting?
Huh? No. [chuckles]
No one calls her anymore.
She hasn't done that in a long time.
Give me her phone number.
I have a role for her
in a piece I'm doing right now. Come on.
Are you serious?
I am, I swear.
Well, she'd love that.
She'd die of happiness.
A big shame, though.
You and I, we got together
when we were too young.
It was too soon. We were
baby garden sprouts.
Well, but
considering how much
you fucked around in those days,
you looked more like a creeping plant.
And for revenge, you hooked up with
that guy who was in the year above.
- [woman] Mm.
- The asshole.
He's my husband.
Ah!
He can't be such an idiot then, I guess.
Mm.
[dog barking]
[brakes squeak]
[parking brake clacks]
[seatbelt clicks]
Listen.
- Tomorrow I'm leaving for the Asturias.
- [gasps]
I'm taking an intensive there
in the mime of animals.
Wow, imagine that.
Can I call you when I return?
[woman] Yes, of course.
We can go get a coffee
or perhaps even eat some hay
if you return a horse.
[both chuckle]
Actually, I want to show you my theater.
- [woman] I'd love that.
- And that's not a sexual innuendo.
No, no, no,
it didn't sound like an... innuendo.
Good night, then.
- Good night to you too.
- Take care.
Thank you.
- Damn. These sports cars are...
- [engine starts]
[engine stalls]
[man] Oh fuck.
[engine starts]
- [tires squealing]
- [gentle music playing]
[engine backfires]
ONE MONTH LATER
Excuse me. Uh, we're ready to order.
No, we're not ready to order.
We're waiting for Mom.
Thank you. We'll wait.
- We'll wait for Mom.
- Thank you.
I wonder what she's gonna say.
I think I know what it is.
What?
I think it might have something
to do with work, but I won't say.
Or, you know, it could
have to do with our inheritance.
- Yeah, that's true.
- Don't you start with her.
She inherited it. It's her money.
She will do whatever she wants with it.
Please, guys.
Carlo, would you help me here?
And say what?
Yes, okay, but she's 90!
She's planning to take
six million to the grave with her? Huh?
Anyway, my point is
this is really about helping her family.
For example, I need help
renovating a few things in the caf.
- Oh, really?
- Just two things, Papa.
And also, what's more,
while I'm looking for a new job,
it'd be great
to find an apartment of my own.
Why, honey, aren't you happy?
Oh yes, yes.
However, after a year living with you...
It's time for him to get the fuck out.
I mean, the idea is the same, my boy.
More casual.
There she is.
[Carlo] Ah, she's arrived?
Anyway, Papa agrees regarding
Nana's money. Isn't that right, Papa?
- No...
- What's that?
Uh, after the difficulty I went through
for the boat license,
I wouldn't mind buying
a dinghy or something. What do you think?
So we have a caf,
an apartment, and a small boat.
All right, I've got it.
Anything else you want to order?
- Oh!
- Mama.
- Take a seat.
- Hello, my dears!
- [Carlo] Hi.
- Mama.
- You look beautiful today.
- Here you go.
I haven't seen you in quite a while.
I know. And it's all my fault.
Nana, before I forget,
I got a little something for you.
Was I the only one
who thought to get a gift for Nana?
It's tea made from forest moss.
Watch out.
You could get a fungus in your mouth.
- [Nana] Thank you, Ale.
- Mm-hmm.
Where were we?
Anyway, I've asked you to come
because I have to tell you
something very important.
I have met a certain person
who's made me feel wonderful again.
Well, you deserve it, Mom,
after all this time.
And to think, I had thought
these days were long gone already.
I know. I know.
[Nana] But then
when this man began to make love to me...
this body began vibrating.
It was just like the Strait of Magellan,
traversed and penetrated
by the mighty ships
of a wonderful explorer.
Ah, that's gross.
The other night, this man hoisted me up!
- For the love of God, get her to stop.
- Ah, here he is!
["Ohi'a Hua Palaku" playing]
[man] Hello!
- Ciao, everyone. Hi, Anna.
- [Carlo] Hi.
- Hello. Hello.
- My love.
My love. [chuckles]
- You must be Carlo.
- Yes.
- I remember you.
- Sure, you do.
I'll grab a chair.
- Who is he?
- Just a dickhead.
So, my love, are you all right?
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh?
Are you happy here
with your family, with your grandchildren?
Anna, I have to thank you.
If you hadn't given me her number,
we wouldn't have met,
and, most importantly,
she wouldn't have started acting again.
It's true.
Now we're working
on my new adaptation of Hemingway,
The Old Woman and the Sea.
Giuliana is the old woman.
Ah! Really? Never would've thought.
- And who are you playing?
- Well, I'll be the marlin.
The fish. Oh!
And we're also renovating his theater,
which is falling apart.
No, don't exaggerate. It's rustic.
[chuckles] Anyway, thanks to God
and dear Aunt Tea's inheritance,
the funds aren't a problem.
But mainly thanks to you, my heart.
Thanks to you.
[kissing and moaning]
[ominous music plays]
[man moaning]
[moaning continues]
Well, the marlin sounds kind of sick.
Come kill me, fish. Only you can do it.
[groans] Just kill me quickly,
sister of the sea.
It doesn't matter
which of us kills the other.
Uh, kill yourselves, both of you.
[man grunts]
What is it?
Everybody, take five.
- I am boiling.
- Mm.
How was I?
You were extraordinary, baby.
- Extraordinary.
- Oh, thank you.
Now take a break.
- We're gonna adjust the lights.
- Yes, yes.
- Definitely.
- [man] Tasso? Tasso?
Cuba?
You call this a Cuban night?
So this is a newspaper article
written in Montevideo.
Read it. It talks about Nunzio Zampa
in connection with a murder investigation.
And, you see, this woman, Luisa Rodriguez,
was 20 years older than him.
Then there's the Chilean one.
Probable arson. Look!
Show her the article on the Chilean woman.
Yes, here it is, Mama.
I'm so sorry. It's really... Just look.
Where did you get these reports?
Oh, well, Mama,
we had a professional investigate.
[Nana] Who?
Look, he does this for a living.
Because, Mama, it seemed a little strange.
- Agreed.
- What's a little strange?
The fact that
a wonderful and vital younger man
could fall in love
with an old woman like me?
Exactly.
We're trying to find
a nice way to tell you, Mama.
They were whacked! And by your Nunzio.
Are you stupid?
What the hell are you talking about?
Well, is there a better way to say it?
If he murdered them, that's it.
Why make it a jingle?
By any chance are you jealous?
Mama, not jealous, worried.
Don't you understand that?
Nunzio married two women, two older women,
women who were rich,
and now both women are dead.
You are rich. You've got all that money
in the bank, and you're older.
Do you see what we're saying?
Nunzio has suffered a lot in his life.
And I have been alone
for a very long time now too.
And now you expect me
to listen to your hateful stories
and throw away my own heart?
If you wanna live
another few years, I suppose.
- [sighs]
- [box opens]
What's that?
- These are our wedding rings.
- Oh dear.
In two weeks, Nunzio and I
are getting married in Menorca!
Ma, you're not serious, are you?
And then, he and I will live
in happiness in Jericoacoara,
a village on the sands
of northeastern Brazil.
What? Is this a soap opera?
[mysterious music playing]
[sighs]
How long has she been in her room?
For three hours. Won't see anyone.
- Should I go talk to her, maybe?
- No! For heaven's sake!
With your depression lately, you're
just gonna make her kill herself in there.
Hey.
[Anna] Sorry,
I need to get something out of my bag.
Honey, how are you feeling?
Like someone whose mom
is gonna get murdered, just furious.
But I won't let him do it.
What's your plan?
No, no, I can't involve you.
I'll have to take care of it on my own.
Take care of what?
Nothing. No one else needs to know.
- [Carlo] Enough, stop it.
- Stop what, Carlo?
This plan, what you're thinking of doing.
Hey, I'm your husband,
for better or worse.
Look, I know you think
that I'm useless, somewhat incapable.
But in times like this,
I wanna be there for you.
All right.
We must murder Nunzio.
[chuckles] Not a bad idea.
Mom, what are you saying?
You're just kidding, right?
No.
I'm not kidding.
What? Are you nuts?
Do you think that I'd sit on my hands
expecting a Brazilian phone call
saying my mom died
after she was eaten by piranhas
or bitten by a deadly spider?
- Maybe the police can help us!
- Oh yeah?
What do we say to the police, huh?
No crime has been committed yet.
Besides, Nunzio was never convicted
for the murders of his two ex-wives.
What can the police do?
Mom, this is nonsense.
Really, come on now. What...
This man wants to murder our grandma.
You'd let that asshole
steal all of our inheritance!
You can't be serious here.
- Dad, say something!
- What can I say?
This is totally crazy, the whole idea!
Anytime any of us need your help,
you somehow always do this.
When the table needs to be cleared,
you just vanish.
Have you completely lost your mind?
We're not unloading the dishwasher.
We're... we're talking about
killing someone.
Someone who will kill my mother
if we don't do anything!
Dad, say something, please. Just...
Say something! Come on!
I'll say you're a pain in the ass!
Let me think!
No, there is nothing to discuss.
I'm sorry. This is my responsibility,
and you don't have to get involved.
Anyway, I'm going to bed now.
I want to get some rest.
Tomorrow I have to be fresh
to figure out a murder.
Good night, my dear ones.
[mysterious music playing]
[door opens]
Carlo?
What is it?
Okay, I'll help you.
But no, you don't have to.
When you complained that
we never do anything exciting together,
I wasn't thinking of murder.
But if that's what you want,
I'm by your side.
[chuckles]
[water boiling]
Huh?
We can start formulating the plan.
Uh, my love, no.
We can't write anything down, you know?
We'll have to memorize everything.
[chuckles] Yeah, fat chance.
These days,
if I don't write it down, I forget it.
Well, that makes sense sweetheart,
but I'd rather not go to jail
because they find a list that says,
"Thursday, murder Nunzio." Come on.
[son] Good morning.
- [Carlo] What are you doing here?
- [Ale] Go on!
- [sighs]
- [Ale sighs]
We talked, your mom and I...
It'd be better if you left us alone
so you don't know what we're going to do.
No.
I couldn't sleep,
going through everything.
And because the issue of morality
supersedes the law,
and I cannot let someone just attempt
to steal my share of the money
without them dying
a horrible death afterwards!
Needless to say,
I don't want that man to kill Nana.
But if we find
an alternative to murder that would...
Oh, kids, I'm so happy.
We haven't done anything together
for so long.
You know, it reminds me
of our Greece vacation.
All right then, before we start,
I want to say this to reassure you.
[sighs]
If we kill this man
and we get caught,
I promise I will take
all the blame for my family.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Cool, Dad.
- [Anna] Who wants coffee?
- [Ale] I do.
Ah, nobody gives two shits, I see.
I want some coffee, too,
if anyone's listening.
[Ale] I brought croissants.
Emilio, don't be silly.
We're a family having breakfast.
Just chill.
- Don't start getting anxious, you idiot.
- Sweetheart, take a seat.
Good.
- So, let's get started.
- Ah, yes.
Um, so...
I mean, does anyone have
any ideas to start?
[clears throat]
- Shall I?
- Yeah!
[Anna] Go for it, honey.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Amazing.
Here we are.
This here is aconitine.
It's found in plants
in the Balearic Islands,
in Menorca,
and in the forests of Santo Tomas.
Here. Take one. Pass it down, um...
The poison aconitine,
once it is ingested,
begins to paralyze the nervous system.
Very nice.
When you eat the plant's flowers,
it forces a contraction of the throat
leading to asphyxiation.
And then,
if they don't suffocate, heart failure.
- A heart attack.
- Yes. And the poison leaves no traces.
I woke up really early
and looked through every botanical book
that you have in the house.
[chuckles] How about that?
Mom passed down
allergies to pollen and a killer instinct.
My darling! She's a genius, huh?
So to summarize,
the wedding's being held at an old villa,
and it was all organized by my mom. Okay?
Now before the guests arrive,
we have four whole days there
all alone with Nunzio.
Four days with the family
before the big wedding.
And so four days to poi...
uh, pois...
You know.
Uh, by the way... [chuckles]
...we've never visited the island.
[Ale] True. Yeah.
I hear that they have
a lot of very fun activities.
[mysterious music playing]
[airplane passing]
[music fades]
Uh, hey, don't you have a suitcase?
- It's all in here.
- Ah.
Three pairs of underwear, three shirts,
and Bergson's "Metaphysics."
Mm.
How about you?
You have your electric blanket
and your water wings?
- Yes, of course.
- [chuckles]
You know, I'm glad
we're spending this time together
because you have the power
to make me feel younger.
- Yeah, I know. I have that effect.
- Yeah.
Vacationing with someone
whose girlfriend is 90
makes Anna look like a teen.
- [chuckles]
- Yeah, you just have to laugh. Great.
What if we don't find
any aconitine in Menorca?
What?
What if we don't find
aconitine in Menorca?
We'll find it. Don't worry.
Anyway, just in case,
I brought some arsenic.
Ale, are you serious?
Come on. Relax.
- What if they check your suitcase, though?
- They won't check the suitcase.
- What if they do?
- Why would they check it?
Because this is an airport!
They check suitcases!
God, shut up! Chill the fuck out already.
[indistinct chatter]
And anyway, I put it in yours.
Are you making a joke?
No. Mine was too full.
I'm kidding, okay?
Calm down.
Do you think I'm crazy enough
to travel with arsenic?
It's a vial with a skull on it. Ugh!
Idiot.
[tense music playing]
[music ends]
One small problem.
What?
Emilio... is flipping out.
He says he doesn't want to go
to "the Ceccano fair" anymore.
- What's that?
- Huh?
He won't refer to what we're
planning as "the homicide," you know?
So he wants to use codes words.
For example, "the fair at Ceccano."
But what even is the Ceccano?
I don't know.
You're kind of missing the point
The point is
that if we don't do something,
he will mess it up for all of us.
- Well, what now?
- [Carlo sighs]
All right, let me go talk to him.
Coming through.
What's going on?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Your sister said you were nervous
about the... fair in Ceccano.
Look, Dad, I don't want to go to Ceccano.
I do not wanna go.
It's one of those things where if you go,
regret will haunt you
for the rest of your life.
Nah.
That's not true.
So the food's a little heavy.
You're overreacting.
Plus, I told you I'd pay for it,
if you recall?
I don't care who is paying.
This is a moral question.
Yeah, you're right.
They don't give you receipts.
It's all in cash.
Uh, but there are these times in life
when you're gonna have to make a choice.
Ones you didn't predict,
but think of the family.
We're going to Ceccano.
[Emilio cries]
And anyway, you can always choose
not to join us at the actual fair.
- [sighs]
- No one is forcing you to do it.
It's completely crazy to me
that you're all so casual here.
How can you have no remorse?
Come here. Oh, don't be sad.
- Come here to Papa.
- [Emilio crying]
[Carlo] There, there.
Our son is raving mad.
He's sick. Very sick.
[mysterious music playing]
[in English] This one over there?
- [speaking Spanish]
- [in English] What the fuck did he say?
Really? You're making my mother drive?
Why can't you do it?
I don't have a license.
Well, I had a license in Chapas,
but it's not valid anywhere,
except in Nicaragua.
But you drove me after the reunion.
I don't have a driver's license,
but I have a car, so...
[mysterious music playing]
[Anna] Look, I have an idea.
What if, instead, we could do
something else so it looks like Nunzio
actually committed suicide? Huh?
No, wait, wait. How about
instead of saying "suicide,"
we could all just use another word, okay?
How about we say, uh, um, "suntanning"?
- Yeah.
- We're visiting the beach.
Enough of this! Quiet!
No, because in the case of a suicide,
they won't be looking for a killer.
Know what I mean?
So we just have to convince Mom
that Nunzio is a bit depressed
and that... that... I mean, they're actors.
Isn't every actor
sort of mentally unstable?
Oh yeah, absolutely.
- I totally knew this was going to happen.
- Wait. What do you mean?
Didn't we all agree to use aconitine?
Yes, honey, that's what we said.
However, you need to have a plan B.
Sure, especially if plan A is mine,
isn't that right?
- [Emilio] Yep, that's right.
- [scoffs]
It just makes no sense to me
why Mom and Dad
can never have faith in me...
Alessandra, don't act like a baby,
for God's sake.
Listen, sweetie, we're not doubting
your abilities as an assassin. [chuckles]
Come on.
[jaunty music playing]
My God. Beautiful!
Where have you taken us, my darling?
This is the most spectacular house.
For my loved ones, I spare no expense.
[chuckles]
[Anna] This place is pretty isolated, huh?
Indeed.
- [Nana] Ah!
- Hola.
- [Nana] Hi.
- Hola.
[Nana chuckles]
- [Carlo] Hola.
- Nice to see you.
- Patricia?
- [Patricia] Yes.
[chuckles] She's the cook.
She'll also take care of the house.
- Of course!
- [Nana] And Luis!
- Mm-hmm.
- Luis is the gardener, right?
- And guard.
- [Carlo] Ah, wonderful.
Okay then, follow us.
We'll show you the property.
- [Nunzio] Let's go.
- Emilio, get out!
- [Luis] This way.
- [Nana] Do you? It's gorgeous, isn't it?
[Nunzio] It's beautiful.
There's the pool.
And further down,
you can access the private beach.
Ah, I see. And why are there
so many security cameras?
[chuckles] My husband
is a little bit paranoid.
He asked the owners
to install those things.
Just a few years ago, believe it or not,
I was in the military police.
Still, it seems like
a quiet place to me, right?
Quiet?
It's the quietest place you've ever been.
Plus, the islanders know
I never go anywhere.
They know if an outsider arrives,
first I shoot, and only then I ask names.
If he doesn't like the name,
then he shoots again.
Yes, of course!
[Carlo] You don't say?
[suspenseful music playing]
[owl hoots]
[Anna] I can't believe this.
What are we going to do now?
I mean, Carlo, what are we going to do?
Should we take out Luis too?
And let Patricia live? Huh?
No, of course not, no way.
Let's kill Patricia too.
[scraping and squeaking]
[Anna] What's that?
- Huh?
- [Anna] What's that?
Uh, I don't know.
I mean, it sounds like it's your mother.
[squeaking continues]
But are they moving the furniture around?
They sound very uncertain, I think.
Huh?
They're moving back and forth
and back and forth...
Well, take care of it, okay?
And do what?
I don't know. Sorry,
it's just that you have to make her stop.
My ex and my mother
are moving the furniture right next door?
Are they crazy?
What ex? Ex? Forty years ago!
What? He's not an ex.
He's a hospice, a retirement village.
- [moaning]
- Impressive, though.
Would you please just go?
[moaning continues]
I'd only do it for you.
[moaning]
What?
It's just... Anna can't... can't sleep at all.
How come?
Uh,
noises.
The noise.
Ah.
It's all the hoopoes in the garden.
Uh, yeah, there are the hoopoes.
Hmm.
I also have this happen.
When I'm in a new bed for the first night,
I find it very hard to fall asleep.
I noticed.
But I think your daughter is bothered more
by the fact that she's hearing you,
uh, moving the furniture in the room.
Huh?
Next door, we can hear
you moving the furniture.
- [Nana] Huh?
- [Carlo] The bed!
- You know what you should do?
- [Carlo] What?
Screw so she gets tired and relaxes.
Giuliana, at our age we have...
dignity and aren't ridiculous.
I have a slut-in-law.
4 DAYS TILL THE WEDDING
3 DAYS TILL THE WEDDING
[mellow music playing]
Buenos das!
- Good morning, Patricia!
- [Patricia] Good morning. Yes, yes.
Thank you, Patricia.
- Of course!
- Thank you, yes!
[Carlo] Gracias.
You know, last night I had an epiphany,
an illuminating thought.
I realized that now I'm content.
- Yes, we sort of noticed.
- Yeah.
- Big time, I'd say.
- [Giuliana] Finally happy.
I just hope
Nunzio doesn't get bored with me.
Every now and then, he seems distant,
lost in his thoughts.
Well, Mama...
See, the thing is...
Okay, we have to tell you about Nunzio.
In high school,
he was treated for depression, you know?
Yes, it's true. It's true.
And I thought he'd managed to get over it
and that he was all right,
but he confessed to me that, uh,
no.
He feels this...
this full existential crisis, uh...
And he's overwhelmed
with sadness and... and apathy.
Oh, I just remembered this.
Even Emilio said he noticed it
because depressed
people can sense each other.
Yes, but Emilio's depression makes sense.
[chuckles]
Alone like a cat with a shitty life.
It's normal for someone like him
to feel down.
However, then we have your Nunzio.
Where does his depression come from?
Deep inside.
It's mal de vivre, the spleen.
Like when you can't get up with the sun
because you cannot face a new day.
You don't wash
because you're terrified of water.
- The most dangerous form of depression.
- [bell jingles]
[Nunzio howling]
I love you!
Guys, this island is extraordinary!
Who wants to come for a ride with me?
Uh,
that's depression.
It's highs and then the lows,
then highs and then the lows...
["Non voglio mica la luna" playing]
[singing along in Italian]
When I was in Albania,
I rode horses with Fiordaliso.
I don't know who that is.
- You don't know Fiordaliso?
- No.
Your music taste is bullshit, man.
Come on, dude. Chill out.
["Non voglio mica la luna" continues]
- [music ends]
- [birds squawk]
What about your caf?
Is someone running it while you're away?
- I closed it.
- Oh.
At least I'll save on electricity.
[chuckles] Well, actually,
it's a black hole.
What?
Uh, the whole tearoom. It's in the hole.
It's been going really poorly.
Oh. Sorry to hear. I didn't know.
Yeah, because no one knows.
You're the only one,
except the suppliers who I can't pay.
So that's why you never call me.
I thought I did something wrong.
I thought you couldn't stand
your big brother anymore.
No, of course not.
And I'll always need someone around
who's even worse off than me.
[Nunzio] Come on, you animals.
Come and see this wonder.
Hey, I'm gonna get
a bottle of water, okay?
[mysterious music playing]
[waves crashing]
[camera clicking]
[music stops]
Ale!
Ale!
What is it?
You might get a suntan.
Yes, I hope so.
No, I don't think there's gonna be
a more perfect occasion
for suntanning than here.
[camera clicks]
[suspenseful music playing]
But I don't know if I can get a suntan!
Why don't you come over here and try it?
Oh, hell no! I'll never get a suntan!
I didn't even want to go
to this goddamn island!
I won't get suntanned!
I'll never get suntanned!
And me neither!
Who gives a shit! Don't get suntanned!
No one is forcing you!
You paranoid weirdos.
[camera clicks]
Besides, in my bag I've got SPF 50.
Let's go for a swim.
[Ale] We were on the cliff.
Nunzio was taking pictures.
And Emilio said, "Get suntanned!"
So I got closer, and he was right there.
And I said to myself,
"I'm going to do it."
I was about to push him. I was so close.
Emilio did fuck all, as usual.
But that's okay. No, no, it's fine.
So I was there, and I thought,
"I'll just push him off the edge. Just..."
I couldn't do it.
Hey.
You were always like that as a girl,
weren't you, Ale?
- Like what?
- You took dance but ditched the recitals.
You took swimming, but you wouldn't race.
"No, Mom. No, I can't do it!
Mom! Mom! Mom!" Remember the drama?
"Help. I get anxious. I'm slow."
This is a completely different situation.
No, it's not different at all.
You have to get over this, my love,
for your own good,
not just that we have to kill Nunzio.
I'll be back.
Come on. She was already mortified, huh?
What did I do?
She didn't push him off the cliff.
Okay, no big deal. Yeah?
She was already very upset.
No point in worsening it.
So I can't say anything?
She isn't a child.
That's not what he's saying.
Sorry, she's the one setting
all these high standards for the family.
Hypotension, some kind of nerve paralysis,
the aconitine. I mean, what is that?
She pretends she's this expert.
Then lo and behold, you just have
to push a guy, and she blows it.
- You're talking about me?
- No, my love, no.
No, honey, no.
Anyway,
in my opinion, seeing how
things have gone, I'd say
we're not capable of this.
Please now!
You need to have
a little faith in this family.
And above all, you need to have
a little trust in yourself.
- You're so negative, Emilio.
- [Carlo] Yep, as always.
[Ale] Wonder why.
What did you just say?
Because you always treated us
like we're idiots,
always treated us like babies.
Except when you need us,
you want us to be mature and adult.
- Fantastic work on the parenting.
- Enough! Enough complaining! Please, Ale!
Who cares how we raised you,
how we might've treated you?
We always tried our best, huh?
[sighs]
You're 30 years old. Get over it!
Yes, really, kids. You know,
I can't tell you how upsetting this all is
that we can't just come together here
on this beautiful trip
to murder Nunzio.
- [Carlo] Mom's right.
- [Anna] Yeah.
Let's do our best to stick together
and focus on this mission.
It isn't that hard, right?
We're not splitting the atom or...
We just have to kill an idiot,
a completely useless
and potentially sick man.
Yeah.
Come on, Alessandra.
Go for a nice walk with your brother
so you two can look for this...
the plant, uh... What's it called?
[Anna] Right.
Sounded like anaconda, I think.
Anacona? Uh, conadie?
- Aconitine.
- [Carlo] Aconitine.
- So come on. Let's go. Get a move on.
- [Anna] Yes.
I have faith in you.
- [Carlo] Chin up. That's it.
- Let's go.
Who do they take after? Not us.
- After your father, a coward.
- Don't you start.
- Your mother took him by the ear...
- You don't know what you're talking about.
[adventurous music playing]
[music fades]
For your information, lethal plants can
be found in every ecosystem in the world.
Hmm, interesting.
You say that like it's a good thing.
[sighs]
[groans]
[Ale] No. Nothing.
We have to look over there.
You go. I'll wait right here.
And why is that?
I'll be lookout.
If someone approaches, I'll warn you.
I can make a sound like an animal.
I'll do a horse, okay?
Hmm. Bravo.
If they hear you neighing,
then we're definitely gonna go unnoticed.
Idiot.
[mysterious music playing]
[shower running]
- [man whistling]
- Naked man in the bathroom.
Huh?
There's a naked man in our bathroom.
What do you mean,
a naked man in our bathroom?
Good morning.
- Who are you?
- No, actually, who are you?
Are there children here?
- No.
- [man] Ah, good.
- You know, there are still adults here.
- Apologies.
I had to use your bathroom because
the room they gave me ain't got one.
I'm Bojan.
Uh, I'm the best man for Nunzio.
I just got here from Chile.
[mysterious music playing]
- Come on. Wake up. Let's go.
- [Emilio yawns]
- Did you find it?
- No.
[Emilio yawns]
Oh my goodness.
I feel so strange.
That nap wiped me out.
What?
Okay, I'll tell you, but don't freak out.
You're freaking me out with your face now.
I think I found it.
Oh no!
- What if I touched it?
- No, I'm sure you...
Yeah, you definitely touched it.
You weren't here! How do you know?
You got a bit of a rash right there.
- I'm gonna die.
- No, you're not.
You didn't eat it.
Still, let's go to the hospital.
- What if I ate it?
- Did you eat it?
- I don't know!
- You don't? Do you snack while you sleep?
Some people sleepwalk.
I might sleep eat too!
- Help!
- No. Emilio!
- [Emilio] Help me!
- No! No! Hold on!
- Emilio.
- [Emilio] I'm dying!
- [Ale] Emilio!
- [Emilio] I'm dying!
[mysterious music playing]
More fruit, Carlo.
Go. Go. Doing great.
What? Yeah, yeah, more fruit.
[music fades]
- It's been hours. Where were you?
- You don't wanna know.
[sighs] All right.
Well, did you guys finding the plant yet?
Yes. But this genius here
decided to take a nap on it,
so we had to rush to the hospital.
They put cortisone on it,
but you can still see the bump.
Anyway,
we can no longer use the aconitine,
because if they do decide to investigate,
they'll connect the dots,
and then we'll be arrested.
I don't understand why every time I try
to do something you... you sabotage me.
- Yeah, I poisoned myself on purpose!
- Sh! Shut it!
- [chatting in Spanish]
- [Carlo chuckles]
What's going on?
Nothing. Nunzio went to the village
to invite
some of Luis and Patricia's friends
to celebrate the arrival of his best man.
[scoffs]
Uh...
- There's a best man? What?
- Yeah.
Phoenix City...
["Phoenix City" playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[cheering]
His name is Bojan.
Wedding planner from Serbia,
Uruguayan by adoption.
Is he blind or what?
Temporarily.
He got an eye injury while organizing
a first communion in Valparaiso.
Phoenix City...
Anna. Finally alone.
[Anna] Ah, yes.
Where's my mom?
She needed to take a rest.
She was a little tired.
Ah, strange for an 87-year-old woman.
I know what you're planning.
Wh... what's that?
Huh?
But will you have the nerve?
Phoenix City...
And you're talking about what exactly?
- Leaving Carlo.
- [Anna] Ah!
Oh!
Please. The Anna I knew
would never settle for a guy like that.
Can I take your straw?
How strange coming from someone
who fell in love with an 87-year-old
with six million in the bank.
[chuckles]
That is true.
I have always liked rich women.
But not for their money.
It's because they're happier
than the ones with no money at all.
- [Anna] Mm.
- Yeah, happiness is hot.
[scoffs]
This is me and you,
making sweet love
in high school during the sit-in.
No, you've never been that athletic.
["Phoenix City" continues]
[music stops]
[cane tapping]
[Anna] No, no.
Hold on. Okay.
Did you get it or not?
[Emilio] What's going on?
[Carlo] Nothing's going on.
This is the problem.
[Anna] Okay, the aconitine,
without blaming anyone,
was a complete failure.
Two days from now, Luis and Patricia
will go to the festival in Ciutadella.
So that will be the perfect time
to go to Ceccano.
We'll put a strong sedative
in Nunzio's drink,
and when Nana goes to bed, then...
What if she doesn't?
Nana? She always does after dinner.
Same time every night.
- But what if she doesn't?
- [Carlo] Don't be a pain! She does.
If she doesn't, I'll hit her in the head
and take her to bed...
Please relax.
Nana will fall asleep, I promise.
We'll pick up Nunzio while he's asleep
and take him to the garage.
On the way to the garage,
there are no security cameras.
We'll put him in the car,
connect the exhaust pipe to a hose,
start the engine up, and then...
[inhales]
...he'll fall asleep.
And Bojan?
- [groans]
- Hey!
"And Bojan"? Come on, please! Bojan?!
We'll think of something else.
We'll send him... to the festival.
Or we'll put sedatives in his...
- Let's murder Bojan. How about that?
- Hey, easy now.
[Anna] There. One problem at a time.
Emilio, would you try to be positive?
[Carlo] Be positive, my son, for once.
Good thing he can't see.
If he happens to witness anything,
at least it's better that he's blind, no?
But for the next 48 hours,
we must continue telling some lies
and get everyone to believe the idea
that Nunzio is trying to commit suicide.
But how, Dad?
Hmm.
With a stroke of genius.
We'll simulate
a suicide attempt in the pool.
In the pool?
Yeah, except who kills themself in a pool?
Really.
Someone who wants to die.
It doesn't matter where!
In the pool? It's impossible.
[grunts] He's not going to succeed!
As long as it looks like he attempted it.
And I already have a plan
for the security cameras and the guard,
but why should I bother explaining
to people with no imagination?
Sounds completely idiotic.
[Carlo] Oh yeah? Huh? Let's vote.
Who's against the idea with the pool?
Perfect. Your Mom and I are in favor.
Your vote's not worth shit.
Yours isn't worth shit either.
- Okay, approved.
- No, hey, that's not how voting works...
That's exactly how it works
because all you agreed
that if something goes wrong
and we get caught,
I will go to jail!
So I call the shots! There!
Sh!
Anyway,
it'll happen tomorrow
when Nana and I go down
to choose flowers for the wedding, okay?
Excuse me. What are we supposed to do?
- I'll explain it tomorrow morning.
- I can't do this. This is...
[mysterious music playing]
[Giuliana] I'm so happy
you're here, Bojan.
How sad that you live so far away.
[Bojan] Yes.
[Giuliana] If you lived a bit closer,
maybe we could visit more often...
[Bojan laughs]
[Giuliana] Oh, what a nice view.
3 DAYS TILL THE WEDDING
2 DAYS TILL THE WEDDING
Oh! Careful. Watch out.
There you go, to the left.
Easy. Easy.
There. There.
Mind your step, dear.
[mysterious music continues]
I gotta be honest. It sounds like a joke.
But oh well.
[groans]
There he is.
Papa, I have to agree.
This doesn't make any sense.
It'll work
as long as you don't get shy on us.
Act desperate.
You have to show you're devastated.
- I don't know if I can do it.
- Mm.
- Hey, Nunzio, what's good?
- I'm going for a swim.
Did you know Papa can do
the "empty lung" for over a minute?
What the hell's the "empty lung"?
- Oh, come on. It's nothing.
- No, no. Tell him. Tell him.
Don't be modest.
In the pool, I held my breath underwater
for roughly a minute and a half.
Longer.
I'm certified in scuba.
I got it in Bali in the '80s
when I was hiding out
due to a false passport charge.
You know,
the usual Italian legal nonsense.
[Ale] Oh, of course. Hmm.
I bet you're not able to hold
your breath for a minute and a half.
Okay, I'll tell you
what we'll do right now.
While I'm diving,
you guys will take the car,
go for a nice ride around the island.
And when you return, I'll still be under.
[inhales deeply]
Wait. Wait just a second.
Go. Go.
Go, go, go!
Oh God!
Oh God, Papa, what has he done?
Are you out of your mind?
What have you done?
- What did I do?
- What have you done? You are crazy!
- You've completely lost it!
- [Nunzio] Ah!
- [Emilio] You're crazy! Don't risk it!
- Papa!
You shouldn't risk your life!
I'm the crazy one?
You three are out of your minds!
You were at the bottom of the pool.
- We were afraid you'd passed out or worse!
- Me? You guys are crazy.
I mean, what the fuck is going on?
You're... you're a weird family. God!
But... but not nice weird like some!
Weird as in sick!
You're sick, all of you!
Honey, you really cannot act.
It's all very dramatic,
too high-pitched, all yelling.
That is not how you act.
- You told me to be desperate. Sorry, but...
- Hey! Ugh!
You were ridiculous.
What, you think you did well?
- [sighs]
- Huh?
[mysterious music playing]
Luis, are you there?
Hi, Carlo. How are you?
- All good.
- Can I help you?
Uh, it's something quite, um, delicate.
Uh... oh...
You should know
that Nunzio is going through
a very difficult time of depression.
Nunzio?
He's very happy from what I see.
[sighs]
Well, in fact,
he tried to kill himself last year.
And a few minutes ago, in the pool,
he attempted to drown himself.
Our pool here?
But how can a person drown themselves
in a pool? It's impossible.
It's not impossible!
Uh...
Uh, Nunzio is so unpredictable, a madman.
Of course, he's very strong mentally.
Obviously, don't... don't mention it.
I'm just telling you
in case something happened.
If you don't mind, I wanted to ask
if, potentially, you'd watch him
when we're away from the villa.
Of course.
Muchas gracias, Luis.
Lo siento mucho.
Ah.
Um...
Also, there should be footage
on your cameras that, well,
captured his latest suicide attempt.
You know, the one in the pool.
Can we watch it?
So that you can share
your own point of view. [chuckles]
When the owners are away,
the security cameras are on,
but they'e not recording.
We can't watch the footage.
Uh...
What the hell are they there for then?
That's ridiculous.
Uh... they're a deterrent
to scare away thieves.
I'm very sorry for Nunzio.
If you want, I can call the doctor.
I know her.
- She's psychiatrist at the hospital.
- No, no...
He... he hates psychiatrists.
He only trusts shamans.
Whatever. Go fuck yourself.
[mysterious music playing]
[music fades]
[snoring softly]
["Nube Viajera" plays downstairs]
Anna?
["Nube Viajera" continues]
["Nube Viajera" continues]
[woman giggles]
[woman moans]
Where'd you go?
I went for... a walk because I just... [sighs]
I can't sleep.
Anyway, that whole idea
of the swimming pool
was totally idiotic, Carlo.
Alessandra was right.
You want all of us around.
Then you make us feel terrible.
[Anna sighs]
I saw you with Nunzio.
Me?
What are you talking about?
I was in the forest.
Then who was it fucking on the sofa?
Oh, Carlo...
Must have been Giuliana.
They're like rabbits those two.
It's gross.
But excuse me.
Do you really think I'd sneak off
with the man
who's going to kill my mother? [scoffs]
What do I know?
Maybe you want to be like Electra,
or you're feeling very Jungian.
Oh, cut the shit. Good night.
[grunts softly]
[sighs]
And besides,
Nunzio is still
rolling around on sofa beds,
organizing little parties, and doing
this whole yoga happiness thing.
Who's gonna believe
that guy wants to commit suicide?
Come on.
Not even if he says it himself.
Well, if he says it himself, yes.
[suspenseful music playing]
2 DAYS TILL THE WEDDING
1 DAY TILL THE WEDDING
[suspenseful music continues]
[Nunzio] Let's take a picture here.
- [Carlo] Oh, come on.
- [groans] No. No.
[Nunzio] A family photo, all together.
- Come on.
- [Emilio] Is this necessary?
[Nunzio] Take off your glasses, darling.
Okay, now, let's all say "cheese."
Actually, no. Grease.
With your finger, like John Travolta.
Come on now. You too, Carlo.
Take the shot already.
[camera clicks]
[camera clicks]
All right, we got it.
Let's see the labyrinth, huh?
[Emilio] Yeah.
- Can I ask you a question, man to man?
- Yeah, ask me.
What's it like having a hot daughter?
Is it hard?
- Why the hell would you ask that?
- Oh!
- All right, you big prude.
- Hmm?
Oh, forget it.
I just forgot that you're an engineer
with the bleak, robotic soul
of a conformist.
Excuse me, my fault.
Why don't you fuck yourself?
- [applause]
- [horse neighs]
[mysterious music playing]
There it is.
What's going on?
They're getting ready
for the festival tonight.
Anna? I'm going to go in.
[Anna] Yeah, we'll be right there.
[chuckling]
Ah, Giuliana's a fortunate bride.
Nunzio's two late wives, poor things,
they didn't have anyone.
At least, no one
who would be there to protect them,
as you do with your mother.
What are you talking about now?
[chuckles] About love, Anna.
What do you think of Nunzio?
Does he seem happy?
Why?
I don't know. I'm a bit worried about him.
He seems depressed.
I wouldn't want him to do...
anything foolish.
Like?
Oh, I don't want him to be found
in the garage
his mouth all... around the exhaust.
Hmm?
[tense music playing]
Now then, shall we join Giuliana?
[music fades]
[indistinct chatter]
[camera clicks]
Piece by piece, slowly,
as morning crawls away from the darkness
and wretched peak of my anxieties.
Confusing is your presence
and your distance.
Wow, beautiful.
Didn't understand shit, but poetic, huh?
Listen, Nunzio.
I need someone I trust
to talk to about something.
Um, but I can't talk to my kids,
much less Anna.
So you want to talk to me?
Uh, well, there's no one else.
And It's rather personal,
and I think maybe you are
the person whose assistance I need.
The curse of everyone loving you.
I imagine.
- They cling clam-like.
- Mm.
Say, there's a nice caf just up the hill.
Shall we get a drink?
You're paying?
I'm paying. I'm paying. Let's go.
[Bojan] How's it going, darling?
[Giuliana] Great. I'm almost done.
[Bojan chuckles]
And you're very fortunate, Anna.
It's rare for a... for a daughter
to attend her own mother's wedding
and be able to help.
Beautiful.
Bojan, what do you want?
What everyone wants.
Well, love.
I want cash.
How much?
Hmm...
One million.
[clears throat]
One million?
Are you crazy?
For an 87-year-old lady?
But Nunzio is my best friend.
Here's the deal. Sure, she's spirited,
but she's also a royal pain in the ass.
Not even factoring in
the filial attachment.
I'm sorry, but I won't give you more
than about 300 thousand.
[scoffs]
Okay.
Four hundred thousand.
Three-fifty.
[chuckles]
Okay, look, 400 thousand
and I'll tell the police that
Nunzio tried to kill himself
in Montevideo last year.
Deal?
I no longer love Anna.
I'd really like to write her a letter
so I can explain myself.
Actually, I wrote one,
but it was a disaster.
You know how to talk and write.
You know women.
Maybe you could help me
rewrite the letter. [chuckles]
- Do you have a pen?
- Yes. Yes, right here.
- Here.
- Write this.
Ugh!
No, it's all bullshit.
You... you do it. Then I'll just copy it.
Very well, but enough with the crying.
No matter how sad you are,
Carlo, try and have some damn balls.
Mm.
If you could just make it very clear
that this is farewell.
I'm leaving this life
which, to me, seems not worth living.
Anna, my old love...
Ah, uh...
No, you're off to a perfect start,
but don't write "Anna."
Just write, "My old, old love."
But why?
Uh, because names are distracting.
- But the letter is for Anna.
- Of course, but she knows that. [chuckles]
Hmm. Ah! Anna, my old love...
Ah! For crying out loud,
just write "my old love," okay?
Do we have to get stuck on this shit?
- All right.
- Come on. Now.
- My old love.
- My old love.
My old love.
Mm-hmm.
I know that I am...
An idiot.
- I do like your sincerity.
- Mm.
- And arrogant.
- An arrogant idiot.
And very fake.
- Fake.
- And vain as well.
Vain? Vain too?
You're really, uh, courageous, huh?
- Yes.
- All right. Vain, yes.
- Underneath the masquerade...
- Masquerade...
- ...there is nothing at all.
- Nothing.
Just manure.
- Just manure?
- Yeah.
- Don't humiliate yourself like that.
- No, it's necessary.
It needs to be sincere
to the point of masochism.
In the end,
that's why I decided to abandon
this world of yours
and this world of mine.
It's brilliant.
We'll put it with his body,
while he's suffocating in the garage.
His farewell to the world.
I have to tell you one thing
because I think it's important
for you to know about it.
Oh God. Is it good or bad?
It's very good.
Perhaps, uh, you realize
how great I might be?
No. No, but Bojan knows
we're going to murder Nunzio.
What are you saying?
Are you... are you kidding me right now?
No.
How the hell is that good news?
He won't be an obstacle,
because he and I have a deal.
And he will confirm
other suicide attempts by Nunzio.
Anna, this is getting
out of hand at this point.
Sweetheart, don't worry, baby.
A little chaos is par for the course
when you're planning on killing someone.
Oh, my love, trust in us.
[mystical music playing]
[Nunzio on recording] Your name is made up
of three magic syllables.
Nun...
zio.
Everyone loves you.
You have 54 female characteristics
and 54 male characteristics.
You're not alone.
You are God's older brother.
Everyone loves you.
[Anna] Hey, Luis.
Hello.
[Anna] What time does the festival start?
Very soon.
[Anna] I saw them practicing
with the horses.
- Did you enjoy it?
- Yes, very much.
[Luis] Unfortunately,
Patricia's not feeling well.
She got a huge migraine.
I don't think we're going anymore.
Uh...
Um... Luis!
- Uh, Luis?
- Yes?
You go. We can stay here
and take care of Patricia.
No, uh, don't worry. Thank you.
You know, my daughter runs a...
a caf where they sell
several teas for headaches.
She's practically a doctor in a way.
And I volunteered
at a dog shelter for five years.
I mean, dogs have migraines too,
and we helped many sick dogs there.
So go. We'll take care of Patricia.
Plus, the festival
only happens once a year.
There's three a year. [chuckles]
Sure, but this is an island.
Nothing ever happens here.
It would be a shame to skip it, no?
Ugh, I don't know.
Today I had a issue with my car.
Until the problem's fixed, I don't wanna
drive it all the way to Ciutadella.
Guess the gods are against us. [chuckles]
Uh, no, excuse me.
The gods aren't against us.
Please borrow our family's car. Hmm?
- Well...
- Well?
- In that case...
- [Anna] Yeah?
- Fun. Okay, thank you.
- Oh! Great, don't mention it.
[chuckles] All right.
[groans]
[sighs]
[mysterious music playing]
[music fades]
[Carlo] Hey, um...
This one is a mild sedative
for your mother to make her go to sleep.
- [Anna] Yes.
- And this one is to knock out Nunzio.
Carlo, please make sure
you don't do this, okay?
[wheels squeaking]
Anna.
Come on. Who is that?
Those are the Buracos.
[Giuliana] My love?
Yes?
Do you like this dress?
I bought it several years ago now,
while I was on tour in Cairo.
You look great, like Vanna Marchi.
What are you, a moron?
I love Vanna Marchi, okay?
I like her as a woman.
[wheels squeaking]
- [women] Surprise!
- Oh!
- Oh! I can't believe it!
- Ah!
- [Giuliana] My bridesmaids are here!
- [woman] Yes!
[Giuliana] I thought
you were coming tomorrow.
- Glad to see you.
- We wanted to surprise you out here.
- [Giuliana] Wonderful!
- What's going on?
It's Giuliana's two bridesmaids.
- Two dear friends of mine have come now.
- [Bojan] Ah.
- Tragedy, Malevolence, and Lightning.
- [Giuliana chuckles]
You can have dinner with us tonight.
We'll get shit-faced together.
- [Giuliana laughs] Oh, yes!
- Oh! Look at you.
How nice! Such a pleasure to see you here.
- Unexpected.
- Good evening. Evening.
- That makes me glad!
- [woman] Yes.
- My friends are staying for dinner.
- Yes.
That doesn't work for me.
- No, it's just that... Bojan, excuse me.
- [Bojan] Yes?
You can't miss such an opportunity, right?
He's our wedding planner.
We'll have a bachelorette night.
You know, a bachelorette party?
Ah, right. Of course!
A bachelorette party!
No, no! You can't miss it. No, no, no!
Is it now? What are we doing?
Ah, we're going for a picnic.
A... soire. And a... a midnight swim.
You can swim if you want,
but of course, you don't have to.
[Anna] I have a better idea.
You can take them
to the festival in Ciutadella?
It's important there's booze, huh?
- Oh! Our hotel is right by there.
- Yes!
We can all get smashed.
- Then we can crawl on back to the room.
- Naturally.
[Bojan] Okay, off to the festivities.
Let's go.
[Nunzio] Ah, the festival...
- Yep. Yep.
- Be careful, huh?
Let's close this door.
[Nunzio sighs]
Promise you'll drink
for me, too, tonight, okay?
[Bojan sighs]
- [Nunzio sighs]
- Oh yes, of course.
I will drink double.
[chuckles]
Ah, brother.
Hang on. Watch out this way.
Over here. You're in.
Bye, pretty ladies! Have fun.
- Bye-bye. Bye!
- [car door closes]
Night.
Drinks for us?
- Do you like Cuba Libre?
- Hey, careful with the Cuba Libre!
Don't forget
to add the lime before the rum.
- I got it. Yes, I know how.
- I'll help you.
No! He knows how.
[chuckles]
Are you sure he knows how?
- Of course. Yes, he's a heavy drinker, so...
- Ah.
- [Ale] He's ruined dozens of holidays.
- [Nunzio] Oh, well...
[mysterious music playing]
Well, since we're family,
no need to keep up appearances.
We can be comfortable, right?
We can snort freely.
I mean we all snort, don't we?
- No, I don't. Thanks.
- Ah.
- No. I don't either.
- [chuckles]
Uh... I do. Uh, family means honesty.
Honesty and cocaine,
you can't go wrong with that.
- You can never be disappointed.
- Of course.
[Carlo] Here I am.
But alas, I think I left it in my room.
[Carlo] Here we go.
[Nunzio] Oh, Cuba Libre.
[chuckles]
All right.
This is for Nunzio.
Thank you.
- [Carlo] This is for you, darling.
- Thank you, honey.
- [Carlo] Here.
- Papa, thank you.
Emilio.
To the family.
[all] To the family!
To the family. [chuckles]
Mm.
Mm.
Anyway, this one could be
a good story for the theater.
The insecure daughter, the depressed son,
the parents who've stuck together
since high school. Pathetic.
The grandmother
who somehow got with a widower.
Actually, a multi-widower
who's much younger.
It could be a fun comedy.
Mm. A bit bitter, I think.
That depends on the ending, I guess.
- Yeah.
- Ah, yeah. You're right as usual.
Are you sure you have to marry Nana?
Well, why wouldn't I?
Well, uh... maybe it's not a good idea.
Maybe it wouldn't benefit either of you.
Emilio, please.
Sorry, I'm...
I'm, uh, suddenly feeling very sleepy.
Would someone be so kind
as to go and get the cocaine
in the bedroom? Because I... [yawns]
...I forgot it.
And those were
the last words he ever said.
Uh...
Uh...
Everyone says gas
is super expensive on these islands.
But... it doesn't seem...
Today, we filled the car.
It didn't cost that much. How much was it?
1.60 a liter? Wasn't bad at all.
Do you know what we haven't had yet?
Paella!
We're here, and we haven't
even had paella. This is insane, you guys.
Luis said that
the classic Valencian paella has meat.
But then there's a seafood version
with mussels and clams.
We could be having both, everybody.
We'll have surf and turf.
Sounds like a great combination to me.
Today, I swam 100 laps in the pool.
One hundred laps, this way and back.
It's not Olympic-sized, sure,
but 100 laps is still a lot.
- So I'm a little tired now. Good night.
- [Anna] Emilio?
Excuse me. Before you put your pajamas on,
we still have to kill Nunzio.
Or did you forget?
- Can I say one thing?
- Please.
Six million.
Is it worth more than Nunzio's life?
Obviously, yes.
But Nana's life is worth much more.
[sighs]
But it's evident
that you two didn't raise us very well.
You raised us... differently.
And so... Emilio and I
won't be murdering anyone.
We are backing out. We... we can't do it.
Seems only right.
Okay.
Really?
[Anna] Yes, sweetheart.
[sighs]
Go to sleep, kids, okay?
And you?
Well, we...
In just a minute, we'll wake Nunzio up
and take him to his room.
That's what we'll do.
[Anna] Yes.
Okay.
Sorry I got you involved. I mean it.
It's all my fault.
But thank you
because you cooperated, even when...
when it devolved into total madness.
It's over now.
Okay.
Have a good night, then.
[Carlo] Good night, sweetheart.
- [Anna] I love you so much.
- Good night.
Grab his feet.
[mysterious music playing]
- [Anna] No. Wait.
- [Carlo] Lift him up.
You have to lift him.
[Anna] I know, but it's like...
[scoffs] He's heavy. I'll grab his feet.
Turn on the light.
- [Carlo] Get his legs in.
- Yes, that is what I'm trying to do.
[Carlo] In the meantime,
I'll get the hose.
[grunting]
- [Anna] The note.
- [horn blares]
- For fuck's sake!
- [Anna] Sh!
No, no, no...
Now the...
- [Carlo] Anna.
- [Anna] Yes?
Come here for a sec.
[Anna] What?
I can't find the exhaust pipe.
- It should be right here, shouldn't it?
- [Anna] What do you mean?
I can't find the exhaust pipe.
It should be here.
[Anna] Yeah.
There's no exhaust pipe here.
There is no exhaust? That's impossible.
[Carlo sighs]
[Anna] There's no exhaust.
There's no exhaust.
You're right.
It's a goddamn electric.
[Anna] What?
[sighs]
What are we supposed to do
with no exhaust pipe?
Uh, eh...
Huh. It's an electric car.
We can give him, uh,
an electro... electroshock.
Knock it off already! Really?!
Give me a hand.
[Anna grunts]
[both panting]
Okay. Now what?
Huh? Now we go to bed.
What?
Your mother is not a total fool.
She heard about
Nunzio's checkered past weeks ago
and didn't care.
Maybe she wants to enjoy
her last few years like this,
no matter what happens to her.
Ah.
Oh, I see.
And that should be enough for me, right?
I... I don't know.
I've come this far, out of love,
and defied all logic,
but that's it for me.
Come to bed.
[Anna] In a minute.
[somber music playing]
- [gunshot]
- Anna!
What was that?
He's gone to Ceccano.
[mysterious music playing]
What's going on? Where is Nunzio?
He was asleep in the living room.
No, he was here with me. Oh God!
- Mom.
- [gunshot]
- [Giuliana] Ah!
- What the...
- [Giuliana] What was that?
- [Bojan] What's going on? Qu pas?
What's happening?
[gunshot]
[Patricia screams]
Ah!
[Patricia] Luis!
Oh, Luis, what have you done?
Have you lost it?
[Nunzio] Help me!
- Help!
- Are you crazy? What have you done?
- [Nunzio] Call an ambulance! Help!
- [Patricia] Give me this gun. Luis?
[Nunzio] Ah!
Luis, forgive me.
I don't know what I did!
Just a moment. Just a moment of madness.
Luis, I'm so sorry! I love you.
Forgive me. Please. I love you.
Will someone pay attention to me
and call a fucking ambulance?! Huh?
Such a beautiful nurse
could only work in a hospital by the sea.
[Bojan chuckles]
Amigo... [chuckles]
...this time, it was too damn close, right?
For you, you mean.
What would you have done
if I had left you an orphan?
[chuckles]
I'd have bought a Harley
and a villa in Montenegro.
[chuckles]
What was that?
Nothing. Nothing. [chuckles]
[Anna] I'm sorry, Mama.
- About what?
- That he's not dead.
Huh.
What'll you do now?
In two weeks' time,
as soon as Nunzio is well and able to go,
we'll return to Rome.
At the theater, we'll go ahead with play.
After we close the show,
we'll be leaving for Brazil.
Mama, but why?
But before that,
I'm going to wire you six million euro.
- Oh, Mama, you don't have to do that.
- Maybe not quite that much.
I'll need a little money
to take to Brazil.
Although, reluctantly,
I acknowledge his motives,
the reason why he's with me.
But regardless,
I want to enjoy my life... while I can.
So I'm going to act like
I still have the inheritance.
And I'll enjoy Brazil with him,
turning that man into my slave.
You know at my age,
to think I can live in Brazil,
making love on the white sand beach,
is something
that is worth some pain and a little risk.
[chuckles]
Maybe not just at your age, Mama.
[chuckles]
[indistinct chatter]
- [Carlo] How's the water?
- Great!
Really nice.
- Aren't you gonna splash around?
- [chuckles] Yeah, not in a million years.
Hey, there's Mom.
How's it going?
All things considered, pretty good.
Ah. And Nana's okay?
Nana is not getting married.
- [all] Ah.
- All right.
Good.
But it would be nice for us
to take another trip as a family, hmm?
Even if we don't plan
elaborate murders next time.
Ah, yes.
So, no wedding after all?
No.
All right, thank God.
We didn't commit murder,
but we saved her in the end.
No, Nunzio did that all on his own.
But, Mom, we were the ones stuck
doing all the dirty work here, you know?
I think we deserve
a small thank you in the least.
- Or maybe a big one. What do you think?
- [Ale] I agree.
So you didn't talk with Nana
about money, right?
- That's it. I'm taking a walk.
- [Carlo] I'll join you.
Why? Was it something I said?
- Did you talk to her or not?
- In the hospital?
- Yes.
- No, I didn't talk to her.
Hold on. So I had a nervous breakdown
for three weeks for free?
Did you tell her about my boat?
Quit making everything
have to do with money.
You did talk to her, but you don't
want to tell your family shit, huh?
- Don't talk like that. I'm your mom!
- Don't talk like that. She's your mom!
- So rude.
- Not even a raft, honey?
But... but...
why is it always my fault in the end?
- Enough already. Knock it off!
- [Ale] No.
[Emilio] Because you only think
about yourself, Alessandra.
- [Carlo] Enough! Drop it!
- [Ale] I only think about myself?
[Carlo] We can't even enjoy
one vacation as a family?
Phoenix City
["Phoenix City" playing]
- [airplane engine]
- Here's Mom. And an airplane too.
It's plummeting. Hear that?
I already knew it! I just knew it.
- [laughs]
- Come on, guys. Please, let's go!
You don't know this,
but her mother used to strangle dogs.
But never poodles!
[chuckles] What?
Excuse me.
What are we gonna do with this dog?
- [Emilio] What's going on?
- There's nothing... [splutters]
It's a bit of a personal issue. Um...
What the fuck do I say here?
Luisa and...
Luisa and... Oh, go fuck me.
Please stop. I beg you.
Here he is! Here he is.
- [laughs]
- [Emilio] What the fuck?
What if we don't find arsenic in Menorca?
Sorry.
[laughs]
- What if we don't find aconitum...
- No, that's not right.
- [laughs]
- [man] Cut.
[laughs]
Do we start again? I heard Giovanna.
- [farts]
- [Emilio] It's nice. It's nice. It's nice.
Hey, who farted?
I can't handle it.
Now I'm just here waiting for the fart.
- Well, you're a dumbass. Excuse you.
- Okay.
[gunshot] He's gone to Ceccano.
All right.
[laughs] Fuck!
And cut.
["Phoenix City" continues]
Phoenix City
[music fades]
[mysterious music playing]
[music fades]
[crickets chirping]
[waves crashing]
[gunshot]
Anna!
[breathing heavily]
He's gone to Ceccano.
[gunshots]
[man screams]
- [woman screaming]
- ["Figli delle stelle" playing]
THE PRICE OF NONNA'S INHERITANCE
[man] Are we ready?
[crowd] Yeah!
[man] I want you pumped!
TWO MONTHS EARLIER
This was a big song in high school!
It's a song for Alan!
[cheering]
["Figli delle stelle" continues]
[man] Guess who?
Oh.
I know. I think.
Was it my hands
or my voice that gave it away?
It was both.
How long has it been now?
I'm scared to even say it.
I suppose it's true.
It's been too much time.
I've traveled all of South America,
all the way to Chile
- and Bolivia and also Venezuela.
- [mellow music playing]
What were you doing there?
My own kind of theater. Spontaneous.
New works that were provocative
and very political.
And I was arrested.
Because of your political theater?
Mm. For dealing drugs.
In some countries, you can't make it
as an artist without dealing drugs.
How's your mother now?
Is she still acting?
Huh? No. [chuckles]
No one calls her anymore.
She hasn't done that in a long time.
Give me her phone number.
I have a role for her
in a piece I'm doing right now. Come on.
Are you serious?
I am, I swear.
Well, she'd love that.
She'd die of happiness.
A big shame, though.
You and I, we got together
when we were too young.
It was too soon. We were
baby garden sprouts.
Well, but
considering how much
you fucked around in those days,
you looked more like a creeping plant.
And for revenge, you hooked up with
that guy who was in the year above.
- [woman] Mm.
- The asshole.
He's my husband.
Ah!
He can't be such an idiot then, I guess.
Mm.
[dog barking]
[brakes squeak]
[parking brake clacks]
[seatbelt clicks]
Listen.
- Tomorrow I'm leaving for the Asturias.
- [gasps]
I'm taking an intensive there
in the mime of animals.
Wow, imagine that.
Can I call you when I return?
[woman] Yes, of course.
We can go get a coffee
or perhaps even eat some hay
if you return a horse.
[both chuckle]
Actually, I want to show you my theater.
- [woman] I'd love that.
- And that's not a sexual innuendo.
No, no, no,
it didn't sound like an... innuendo.
Good night, then.
- Good night to you too.
- Take care.
Thank you.
- Damn. These sports cars are...
- [engine starts]
[engine stalls]
[man] Oh fuck.
[engine starts]
- [tires squealing]
- [gentle music playing]
[engine backfires]
ONE MONTH LATER
Excuse me. Uh, we're ready to order.
No, we're not ready to order.
We're waiting for Mom.
Thank you. We'll wait.
- We'll wait for Mom.
- Thank you.
I wonder what she's gonna say.
I think I know what it is.
What?
I think it might have something
to do with work, but I won't say.
Or, you know, it could
have to do with our inheritance.
- Yeah, that's true.
- Don't you start with her.
She inherited it. It's her money.
She will do whatever she wants with it.
Please, guys.
Carlo, would you help me here?
And say what?
Yes, okay, but she's 90!
She's planning to take
six million to the grave with her? Huh?
Anyway, my point is
this is really about helping her family.
For example, I need help
renovating a few things in the caf.
- Oh, really?
- Just two things, Papa.
And also, what's more,
while I'm looking for a new job,
it'd be great
to find an apartment of my own.
Why, honey, aren't you happy?
Oh yes, yes.
However, after a year living with you...
It's time for him to get the fuck out.
I mean, the idea is the same, my boy.
More casual.
There she is.
[Carlo] Ah, she's arrived?
Anyway, Papa agrees regarding
Nana's money. Isn't that right, Papa?
- No...
- What's that?
Uh, after the difficulty I went through
for the boat license,
I wouldn't mind buying
a dinghy or something. What do you think?
So we have a caf,
an apartment, and a small boat.
All right, I've got it.
Anything else you want to order?
- Oh!
- Mama.
- Take a seat.
- Hello, my dears!
- [Carlo] Hi.
- Mama.
- You look beautiful today.
- Here you go.
I haven't seen you in quite a while.
I know. And it's all my fault.
Nana, before I forget,
I got a little something for you.
Was I the only one
who thought to get a gift for Nana?
It's tea made from forest moss.
Watch out.
You could get a fungus in your mouth.
- [Nana] Thank you, Ale.
- Mm-hmm.
Where were we?
Anyway, I've asked you to come
because I have to tell you
something very important.
I have met a certain person
who's made me feel wonderful again.
Well, you deserve it, Mom,
after all this time.
And to think, I had thought
these days were long gone already.
I know. I know.
[Nana] But then
when this man began to make love to me...
this body began vibrating.
It was just like the Strait of Magellan,
traversed and penetrated
by the mighty ships
of a wonderful explorer.
Ah, that's gross.
The other night, this man hoisted me up!
- For the love of God, get her to stop.
- Ah, here he is!
["Ohi'a Hua Palaku" playing]
[man] Hello!
- Ciao, everyone. Hi, Anna.
- [Carlo] Hi.
- Hello. Hello.
- My love.
My love. [chuckles]
- You must be Carlo.
- Yes.
- I remember you.
- Sure, you do.
I'll grab a chair.
- Who is he?
- Just a dickhead.
So, my love, are you all right?
- Mm-hmm.
- Huh?
Are you happy here
with your family, with your grandchildren?
Anna, I have to thank you.
If you hadn't given me her number,
we wouldn't have met,
and, most importantly,
she wouldn't have started acting again.
It's true.
Now we're working
on my new adaptation of Hemingway,
The Old Woman and the Sea.
Giuliana is the old woman.
Ah! Really? Never would've thought.
- And who are you playing?
- Well, I'll be the marlin.
The fish. Oh!
And we're also renovating his theater,
which is falling apart.
No, don't exaggerate. It's rustic.
[chuckles] Anyway, thanks to God
and dear Aunt Tea's inheritance,
the funds aren't a problem.
But mainly thanks to you, my heart.
Thanks to you.
[kissing and moaning]
[ominous music plays]
[man moaning]
[moaning continues]
Well, the marlin sounds kind of sick.
Come kill me, fish. Only you can do it.
[groans] Just kill me quickly,
sister of the sea.
It doesn't matter
which of us kills the other.
Uh, kill yourselves, both of you.
[man grunts]
What is it?
Everybody, take five.
- I am boiling.
- Mm.
How was I?
You were extraordinary, baby.
- Extraordinary.
- Oh, thank you.
Now take a break.
- We're gonna adjust the lights.
- Yes, yes.
- Definitely.
- [man] Tasso? Tasso?
Cuba?
You call this a Cuban night?
So this is a newspaper article
written in Montevideo.
Read it. It talks about Nunzio Zampa
in connection with a murder investigation.
And, you see, this woman, Luisa Rodriguez,
was 20 years older than him.
Then there's the Chilean one.
Probable arson. Look!
Show her the article on the Chilean woman.
Yes, here it is, Mama.
I'm so sorry. It's really... Just look.
Where did you get these reports?
Oh, well, Mama,
we had a professional investigate.
[Nana] Who?
Look, he does this for a living.
Because, Mama, it seemed a little strange.
- Agreed.
- What's a little strange?
The fact that
a wonderful and vital younger man
could fall in love
with an old woman like me?
Exactly.
We're trying to find
a nice way to tell you, Mama.
They were whacked! And by your Nunzio.
Are you stupid?
What the hell are you talking about?
Well, is there a better way to say it?
If he murdered them, that's it.
Why make it a jingle?
By any chance are you jealous?
Mama, not jealous, worried.
Don't you understand that?
Nunzio married two women, two older women,
women who were rich,
and now both women are dead.
You are rich. You've got all that money
in the bank, and you're older.
Do you see what we're saying?
Nunzio has suffered a lot in his life.
And I have been alone
for a very long time now too.
And now you expect me
to listen to your hateful stories
and throw away my own heart?
If you wanna live
another few years, I suppose.
- [sighs]
- [box opens]
What's that?
- These are our wedding rings.
- Oh dear.
In two weeks, Nunzio and I
are getting married in Menorca!
Ma, you're not serious, are you?
And then, he and I will live
in happiness in Jericoacoara,
a village on the sands
of northeastern Brazil.
What? Is this a soap opera?
[mysterious music playing]
[sighs]
How long has she been in her room?
For three hours. Won't see anyone.
- Should I go talk to her, maybe?
- No! For heaven's sake!
With your depression lately, you're
just gonna make her kill herself in there.
Hey.
[Anna] Sorry,
I need to get something out of my bag.
Honey, how are you feeling?
Like someone whose mom
is gonna get murdered, just furious.
But I won't let him do it.
What's your plan?
No, no, I can't involve you.
I'll have to take care of it on my own.
Take care of what?
Nothing. No one else needs to know.
- [Carlo] Enough, stop it.
- Stop what, Carlo?
This plan, what you're thinking of doing.
Hey, I'm your husband,
for better or worse.
Look, I know you think
that I'm useless, somewhat incapable.
But in times like this,
I wanna be there for you.
All right.
We must murder Nunzio.
[chuckles] Not a bad idea.
Mom, what are you saying?
You're just kidding, right?
No.
I'm not kidding.
What? Are you nuts?
Do you think that I'd sit on my hands
expecting a Brazilian phone call
saying my mom died
after she was eaten by piranhas
or bitten by a deadly spider?
- Maybe the police can help us!
- Oh yeah?
What do we say to the police, huh?
No crime has been committed yet.
Besides, Nunzio was never convicted
for the murders of his two ex-wives.
What can the police do?
Mom, this is nonsense.
Really, come on now. What...
This man wants to murder our grandma.
You'd let that asshole
steal all of our inheritance!
You can't be serious here.
- Dad, say something!
- What can I say?
This is totally crazy, the whole idea!
Anytime any of us need your help,
you somehow always do this.
When the table needs to be cleared,
you just vanish.
Have you completely lost your mind?
We're not unloading the dishwasher.
We're... we're talking about
killing someone.
Someone who will kill my mother
if we don't do anything!
Dad, say something, please. Just...
Say something! Come on!
I'll say you're a pain in the ass!
Let me think!
No, there is nothing to discuss.
I'm sorry. This is my responsibility,
and you don't have to get involved.
Anyway, I'm going to bed now.
I want to get some rest.
Tomorrow I have to be fresh
to figure out a murder.
Good night, my dear ones.
[mysterious music playing]
[door opens]
Carlo?
What is it?
Okay, I'll help you.
But no, you don't have to.
When you complained that
we never do anything exciting together,
I wasn't thinking of murder.
But if that's what you want,
I'm by your side.
[chuckles]
[water boiling]
Huh?
We can start formulating the plan.
Uh, my love, no.
We can't write anything down, you know?
We'll have to memorize everything.
[chuckles] Yeah, fat chance.
These days,
if I don't write it down, I forget it.
Well, that makes sense sweetheart,
but I'd rather not go to jail
because they find a list that says,
"Thursday, murder Nunzio." Come on.
[son] Good morning.
- [Carlo] What are you doing here?
- [Ale] Go on!
- [sighs]
- [Ale sighs]
We talked, your mom and I...
It'd be better if you left us alone
so you don't know what we're going to do.
No.
I couldn't sleep,
going through everything.
And because the issue of morality
supersedes the law,
and I cannot let someone just attempt
to steal my share of the money
without them dying
a horrible death afterwards!
Needless to say,
I don't want that man to kill Nana.
But if we find
an alternative to murder that would...
Oh, kids, I'm so happy.
We haven't done anything together
for so long.
You know, it reminds me
of our Greece vacation.
All right then, before we start,
I want to say this to reassure you.
[sighs]
If we kill this man
and we get caught,
I promise I will take
all the blame for my family.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Cool, Dad.
- [Anna] Who wants coffee?
- [Ale] I do.
Ah, nobody gives two shits, I see.
I want some coffee, too,
if anyone's listening.
[Ale] I brought croissants.
Emilio, don't be silly.
We're a family having breakfast.
Just chill.
- Don't start getting anxious, you idiot.
- Sweetheart, take a seat.
Good.
- So, let's get started.
- Ah, yes.
Um, so...
I mean, does anyone have
any ideas to start?
[clears throat]
- Shall I?
- Yeah!
[Anna] Go for it, honey.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
Amazing.
Here we are.
This here is aconitine.
It's found in plants
in the Balearic Islands,
in Menorca,
and in the forests of Santo Tomas.
Here. Take one. Pass it down, um...
The poison aconitine,
once it is ingested,
begins to paralyze the nervous system.
Very nice.
When you eat the plant's flowers,
it forces a contraction of the throat
leading to asphyxiation.
And then,
if they don't suffocate, heart failure.
- A heart attack.
- Yes. And the poison leaves no traces.
I woke up really early
and looked through every botanical book
that you have in the house.
[chuckles] How about that?
Mom passed down
allergies to pollen and a killer instinct.
My darling! She's a genius, huh?
So to summarize,
the wedding's being held at an old villa,
and it was all organized by my mom. Okay?
Now before the guests arrive,
we have four whole days there
all alone with Nunzio.
Four days with the family
before the big wedding.
And so four days to poi...
uh, pois...
You know.
Uh, by the way... [chuckles]
...we've never visited the island.
[Ale] True. Yeah.
I hear that they have
a lot of very fun activities.
[mysterious music playing]
[airplane passing]
[music fades]
Uh, hey, don't you have a suitcase?
- It's all in here.
- Ah.
Three pairs of underwear, three shirts,
and Bergson's "Metaphysics."
Mm.
How about you?
You have your electric blanket
and your water wings?
- Yes, of course.
- [chuckles]
You know, I'm glad
we're spending this time together
because you have the power
to make me feel younger.
- Yeah, I know. I have that effect.
- Yeah.
Vacationing with someone
whose girlfriend is 90
makes Anna look like a teen.
- [chuckles]
- Yeah, you just have to laugh. Great.
What if we don't find
any aconitine in Menorca?
What?
What if we don't find
aconitine in Menorca?
We'll find it. Don't worry.
Anyway, just in case,
I brought some arsenic.
Ale, are you serious?
Come on. Relax.
- What if they check your suitcase, though?
- They won't check the suitcase.
- What if they do?
- Why would they check it?
Because this is an airport!
They check suitcases!
God, shut up! Chill the fuck out already.
[indistinct chatter]
And anyway, I put it in yours.
Are you making a joke?
No. Mine was too full.
I'm kidding, okay?
Calm down.
Do you think I'm crazy enough
to travel with arsenic?
It's a vial with a skull on it. Ugh!
Idiot.
[tense music playing]
[music ends]
One small problem.
What?
Emilio... is flipping out.
He says he doesn't want to go
to "the Ceccano fair" anymore.
- What's that?
- Huh?
He won't refer to what we're
planning as "the homicide," you know?
So he wants to use codes words.
For example, "the fair at Ceccano."
But what even is the Ceccano?
I don't know.
You're kind of missing the point
The point is
that if we don't do something,
he will mess it up for all of us.
- Well, what now?
- [Carlo sighs]
All right, let me go talk to him.
Coming through.
What's going on?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Your sister said you were nervous
about the... fair in Ceccano.
Look, Dad, I don't want to go to Ceccano.
I do not wanna go.
It's one of those things where if you go,
regret will haunt you
for the rest of your life.
Nah.
That's not true.
So the food's a little heavy.
You're overreacting.
Plus, I told you I'd pay for it,
if you recall?
I don't care who is paying.
This is a moral question.
Yeah, you're right.
They don't give you receipts.
It's all in cash.
Uh, but there are these times in life
when you're gonna have to make a choice.
Ones you didn't predict,
but think of the family.
We're going to Ceccano.
[Emilio cries]
And anyway, you can always choose
not to join us at the actual fair.
- [sighs]
- No one is forcing you to do it.
It's completely crazy to me
that you're all so casual here.
How can you have no remorse?
Come here. Oh, don't be sad.
- Come here to Papa.
- [Emilio crying]
[Carlo] There, there.
Our son is raving mad.
He's sick. Very sick.
[mysterious music playing]
[in English] This one over there?
- [speaking Spanish]
- [in English] What the fuck did he say?
Really? You're making my mother drive?
Why can't you do it?
I don't have a license.
Well, I had a license in Chapas,
but it's not valid anywhere,
except in Nicaragua.
But you drove me after the reunion.
I don't have a driver's license,
but I have a car, so...
[mysterious music playing]
[Anna] Look, I have an idea.
What if, instead, we could do
something else so it looks like Nunzio
actually committed suicide? Huh?
No, wait, wait. How about
instead of saying "suicide,"
we could all just use another word, okay?
How about we say, uh, um, "suntanning"?
- Yeah.
- We're visiting the beach.
Enough of this! Quiet!
No, because in the case of a suicide,
they won't be looking for a killer.
Know what I mean?
So we just have to convince Mom
that Nunzio is a bit depressed
and that... that... I mean, they're actors.
Isn't every actor
sort of mentally unstable?
Oh yeah, absolutely.
- I totally knew this was going to happen.
- Wait. What do you mean?
Didn't we all agree to use aconitine?
Yes, honey, that's what we said.
However, you need to have a plan B.
Sure, especially if plan A is mine,
isn't that right?
- [Emilio] Yep, that's right.
- [scoffs]
It just makes no sense to me
why Mom and Dad
can never have faith in me...
Alessandra, don't act like a baby,
for God's sake.
Listen, sweetie, we're not doubting
your abilities as an assassin. [chuckles]
Come on.
[jaunty music playing]
My God. Beautiful!
Where have you taken us, my darling?
This is the most spectacular house.
For my loved ones, I spare no expense.
[chuckles]
[Anna] This place is pretty isolated, huh?
Indeed.
- [Nana] Ah!
- Hola.
- [Nana] Hi.
- Hola.
[Nana chuckles]
- [Carlo] Hola.
- Nice to see you.
- Patricia?
- [Patricia] Yes.
[chuckles] She's the cook.
She'll also take care of the house.
- Of course!
- [Nana] And Luis!
- Mm-hmm.
- Luis is the gardener, right?
- And guard.
- [Carlo] Ah, wonderful.
Okay then, follow us.
We'll show you the property.
- [Nunzio] Let's go.
- Emilio, get out!
- [Luis] This way.
- [Nana] Do you? It's gorgeous, isn't it?
[Nunzio] It's beautiful.
There's the pool.
And further down,
you can access the private beach.
Ah, I see. And why are there
so many security cameras?
[chuckles] My husband
is a little bit paranoid.
He asked the owners
to install those things.
Just a few years ago, believe it or not,
I was in the military police.
Still, it seems like
a quiet place to me, right?
Quiet?
It's the quietest place you've ever been.
Plus, the islanders know
I never go anywhere.
They know if an outsider arrives,
first I shoot, and only then I ask names.
If he doesn't like the name,
then he shoots again.
Yes, of course!
[Carlo] You don't say?
[suspenseful music playing]
[owl hoots]
[Anna] I can't believe this.
What are we going to do now?
I mean, Carlo, what are we going to do?
Should we take out Luis too?
And let Patricia live? Huh?
No, of course not, no way.
Let's kill Patricia too.
[scraping and squeaking]
[Anna] What's that?
- Huh?
- [Anna] What's that?
Uh, I don't know.
I mean, it sounds like it's your mother.
[squeaking continues]
But are they moving the furniture around?
They sound very uncertain, I think.
Huh?
They're moving back and forth
and back and forth...
Well, take care of it, okay?
And do what?
I don't know. Sorry,
it's just that you have to make her stop.
My ex and my mother
are moving the furniture right next door?
Are they crazy?
What ex? Ex? Forty years ago!
What? He's not an ex.
He's a hospice, a retirement village.
- [moaning]
- Impressive, though.
Would you please just go?
[moaning continues]
I'd only do it for you.
[moaning]
What?
It's just... Anna can't... can't sleep at all.
How come?
Uh,
noises.
The noise.
Ah.
It's all the hoopoes in the garden.
Uh, yeah, there are the hoopoes.
Hmm.
I also have this happen.
When I'm in a new bed for the first night,
I find it very hard to fall asleep.
I noticed.
But I think your daughter is bothered more
by the fact that she's hearing you,
uh, moving the furniture in the room.
Huh?
Next door, we can hear
you moving the furniture.
- [Nana] Huh?
- [Carlo] The bed!
- You know what you should do?
- [Carlo] What?
Screw so she gets tired and relaxes.
Giuliana, at our age we have...
dignity and aren't ridiculous.
I have a slut-in-law.
4 DAYS TILL THE WEDDING
3 DAYS TILL THE WEDDING
[mellow music playing]
Buenos das!
- Good morning, Patricia!
- [Patricia] Good morning. Yes, yes.
Thank you, Patricia.
- Of course!
- Thank you, yes!
[Carlo] Gracias.
You know, last night I had an epiphany,
an illuminating thought.
I realized that now I'm content.
- Yes, we sort of noticed.
- Yeah.
- Big time, I'd say.
- [Giuliana] Finally happy.
I just hope
Nunzio doesn't get bored with me.
Every now and then, he seems distant,
lost in his thoughts.
Well, Mama...
See, the thing is...
Okay, we have to tell you about Nunzio.
In high school,
he was treated for depression, you know?
Yes, it's true. It's true.
And I thought he'd managed to get over it
and that he was all right,
but he confessed to me that, uh,
no.
He feels this...
this full existential crisis, uh...
And he's overwhelmed
with sadness and... and apathy.
Oh, I just remembered this.
Even Emilio said he noticed it
because depressed
people can sense each other.
Yes, but Emilio's depression makes sense.
[chuckles]
Alone like a cat with a shitty life.
It's normal for someone like him
to feel down.
However, then we have your Nunzio.
Where does his depression come from?
Deep inside.
It's mal de vivre, the spleen.
Like when you can't get up with the sun
because you cannot face a new day.
You don't wash
because you're terrified of water.
- The most dangerous form of depression.
- [bell jingles]
[Nunzio howling]
I love you!
Guys, this island is extraordinary!
Who wants to come for a ride with me?
Uh,
that's depression.
It's highs and then the lows,
then highs and then the lows...
["Non voglio mica la luna" playing]
[singing along in Italian]
When I was in Albania,
I rode horses with Fiordaliso.
I don't know who that is.
- You don't know Fiordaliso?
- No.
Your music taste is bullshit, man.
Come on, dude. Chill out.
["Non voglio mica la luna" continues]
- [music ends]
- [birds squawk]
What about your caf?
Is someone running it while you're away?
- I closed it.
- Oh.
At least I'll save on electricity.
[chuckles] Well, actually,
it's a black hole.
What?
Uh, the whole tearoom. It's in the hole.
It's been going really poorly.
Oh. Sorry to hear. I didn't know.
Yeah, because no one knows.
You're the only one,
except the suppliers who I can't pay.
So that's why you never call me.
I thought I did something wrong.
I thought you couldn't stand
your big brother anymore.
No, of course not.
And I'll always need someone around
who's even worse off than me.
[Nunzio] Come on, you animals.
Come and see this wonder.
Hey, I'm gonna get
a bottle of water, okay?
[mysterious music playing]
[waves crashing]
[camera clicking]
[music stops]
Ale!
Ale!
What is it?
You might get a suntan.
Yes, I hope so.
No, I don't think there's gonna be
a more perfect occasion
for suntanning than here.
[camera clicks]
[suspenseful music playing]
But I don't know if I can get a suntan!
Why don't you come over here and try it?
Oh, hell no! I'll never get a suntan!
I didn't even want to go
to this goddamn island!
I won't get suntanned!
I'll never get suntanned!
And me neither!
Who gives a shit! Don't get suntanned!
No one is forcing you!
You paranoid weirdos.
[camera clicks]
Besides, in my bag I've got SPF 50.
Let's go for a swim.
[Ale] We were on the cliff.
Nunzio was taking pictures.
And Emilio said, "Get suntanned!"
So I got closer, and he was right there.
And I said to myself,
"I'm going to do it."
I was about to push him. I was so close.
Emilio did fuck all, as usual.
But that's okay. No, no, it's fine.
So I was there, and I thought,
"I'll just push him off the edge. Just..."
I couldn't do it.
Hey.
You were always like that as a girl,
weren't you, Ale?
- Like what?
- You took dance but ditched the recitals.
You took swimming, but you wouldn't race.
"No, Mom. No, I can't do it!
Mom! Mom! Mom!" Remember the drama?
"Help. I get anxious. I'm slow."
This is a completely different situation.
No, it's not different at all.
You have to get over this, my love,
for your own good,
not just that we have to kill Nunzio.
I'll be back.
Come on. She was already mortified, huh?
What did I do?
She didn't push him off the cliff.
Okay, no big deal. Yeah?
She was already very upset.
No point in worsening it.
So I can't say anything?
She isn't a child.
That's not what he's saying.
Sorry, she's the one setting
all these high standards for the family.
Hypotension, some kind of nerve paralysis,
the aconitine. I mean, what is that?
She pretends she's this expert.
Then lo and behold, you just have
to push a guy, and she blows it.
- You're talking about me?
- No, my love, no.
No, honey, no.
Anyway,
in my opinion, seeing how
things have gone, I'd say
we're not capable of this.
Please now!
You need to have
a little faith in this family.
And above all, you need to have
a little trust in yourself.
- You're so negative, Emilio.
- [Carlo] Yep, as always.
[Ale] Wonder why.
What did you just say?
Because you always treated us
like we're idiots,
always treated us like babies.
Except when you need us,
you want us to be mature and adult.
- Fantastic work on the parenting.
- Enough! Enough complaining! Please, Ale!
Who cares how we raised you,
how we might've treated you?
We always tried our best, huh?
[sighs]
You're 30 years old. Get over it!
Yes, really, kids. You know,
I can't tell you how upsetting this all is
that we can't just come together here
on this beautiful trip
to murder Nunzio.
- [Carlo] Mom's right.
- [Anna] Yeah.
Let's do our best to stick together
and focus on this mission.
It isn't that hard, right?
We're not splitting the atom or...
We just have to kill an idiot,
a completely useless
and potentially sick man.
Yeah.
Come on, Alessandra.
Go for a nice walk with your brother
so you two can look for this...
the plant, uh... What's it called?
[Anna] Right.
Sounded like anaconda, I think.
Anacona? Uh, conadie?
- Aconitine.
- [Carlo] Aconitine.
- So come on. Let's go. Get a move on.
- [Anna] Yes.
I have faith in you.
- [Carlo] Chin up. That's it.
- Let's go.
Who do they take after? Not us.
- After your father, a coward.
- Don't you start.
- Your mother took him by the ear...
- You don't know what you're talking about.
[adventurous music playing]
[music fades]
For your information, lethal plants can
be found in every ecosystem in the world.
Hmm, interesting.
You say that like it's a good thing.
[sighs]
[groans]
[Ale] No. Nothing.
We have to look over there.
You go. I'll wait right here.
And why is that?
I'll be lookout.
If someone approaches, I'll warn you.
I can make a sound like an animal.
I'll do a horse, okay?
Hmm. Bravo.
If they hear you neighing,
then we're definitely gonna go unnoticed.
Idiot.
[mysterious music playing]
[shower running]
- [man whistling]
- Naked man in the bathroom.
Huh?
There's a naked man in our bathroom.
What do you mean,
a naked man in our bathroom?
Good morning.
- Who are you?
- No, actually, who are you?
Are there children here?
- No.
- [man] Ah, good.
- You know, there are still adults here.
- Apologies.
I had to use your bathroom because
the room they gave me ain't got one.
I'm Bojan.
Uh, I'm the best man for Nunzio.
I just got here from Chile.
[mysterious music playing]
- Come on. Wake up. Let's go.
- [Emilio yawns]
- Did you find it?
- No.
[Emilio yawns]
Oh my goodness.
I feel so strange.
That nap wiped me out.
What?
Okay, I'll tell you, but don't freak out.
You're freaking me out with your face now.
I think I found it.
Oh no!
- What if I touched it?
- No, I'm sure you...
Yeah, you definitely touched it.
You weren't here! How do you know?
You got a bit of a rash right there.
- I'm gonna die.
- No, you're not.
You didn't eat it.
Still, let's go to the hospital.
- What if I ate it?
- Did you eat it?
- I don't know!
- You don't? Do you snack while you sleep?
Some people sleepwalk.
I might sleep eat too!
- Help!
- No. Emilio!
- [Emilio] Help me!
- No! No! Hold on!
- Emilio.
- [Emilio] I'm dying!
- [Ale] Emilio!
- [Emilio] I'm dying!
[mysterious music playing]
More fruit, Carlo.
Go. Go. Doing great.
What? Yeah, yeah, more fruit.
[music fades]
- It's been hours. Where were you?
- You don't wanna know.
[sighs] All right.
Well, did you guys finding the plant yet?
Yes. But this genius here
decided to take a nap on it,
so we had to rush to the hospital.
They put cortisone on it,
but you can still see the bump.
Anyway,
we can no longer use the aconitine,
because if they do decide to investigate,
they'll connect the dots,
and then we'll be arrested.
I don't understand why every time I try
to do something you... you sabotage me.
- Yeah, I poisoned myself on purpose!
- Sh! Shut it!
- [chatting in Spanish]
- [Carlo chuckles]
What's going on?
Nothing. Nunzio went to the village
to invite
some of Luis and Patricia's friends
to celebrate the arrival of his best man.
[scoffs]
Uh...
- There's a best man? What?
- Yeah.
Phoenix City...
["Phoenix City" playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[cheering]
His name is Bojan.
Wedding planner from Serbia,
Uruguayan by adoption.
Is he blind or what?
Temporarily.
He got an eye injury while organizing
a first communion in Valparaiso.
Phoenix City...
Anna. Finally alone.
[Anna] Ah, yes.
Where's my mom?
She needed to take a rest.
She was a little tired.
Ah, strange for an 87-year-old woman.
I know what you're planning.
Wh... what's that?
Huh?
But will you have the nerve?
Phoenix City...
And you're talking about what exactly?
- Leaving Carlo.
- [Anna] Ah!
Oh!
Please. The Anna I knew
would never settle for a guy like that.
Can I take your straw?
How strange coming from someone
who fell in love with an 87-year-old
with six million in the bank.
[chuckles]
That is true.
I have always liked rich women.
But not for their money.
It's because they're happier
than the ones with no money at all.
- [Anna] Mm.
- Yeah, happiness is hot.
[scoffs]
This is me and you,
making sweet love
in high school during the sit-in.
No, you've never been that athletic.
["Phoenix City" continues]
[music stops]
[cane tapping]
[Anna] No, no.
Hold on. Okay.
Did you get it or not?
[Emilio] What's going on?
[Carlo] Nothing's going on.
This is the problem.
[Anna] Okay, the aconitine,
without blaming anyone,
was a complete failure.
Two days from now, Luis and Patricia
will go to the festival in Ciutadella.
So that will be the perfect time
to go to Ceccano.
We'll put a strong sedative
in Nunzio's drink,
and when Nana goes to bed, then...
What if she doesn't?
Nana? She always does after dinner.
Same time every night.
- But what if she doesn't?
- [Carlo] Don't be a pain! She does.
If she doesn't, I'll hit her in the head
and take her to bed...
Please relax.
Nana will fall asleep, I promise.
We'll pick up Nunzio while he's asleep
and take him to the garage.
On the way to the garage,
there are no security cameras.
We'll put him in the car,
connect the exhaust pipe to a hose,
start the engine up, and then...
[inhales]
...he'll fall asleep.
And Bojan?
- [groans]
- Hey!
"And Bojan"? Come on, please! Bojan?!
We'll think of something else.
We'll send him... to the festival.
Or we'll put sedatives in his...
- Let's murder Bojan. How about that?
- Hey, easy now.
[Anna] There. One problem at a time.
Emilio, would you try to be positive?
[Carlo] Be positive, my son, for once.
Good thing he can't see.
If he happens to witness anything,
at least it's better that he's blind, no?
But for the next 48 hours,
we must continue telling some lies
and get everyone to believe the idea
that Nunzio is trying to commit suicide.
But how, Dad?
Hmm.
With a stroke of genius.
We'll simulate
a suicide attempt in the pool.
In the pool?
Yeah, except who kills themself in a pool?
Really.
Someone who wants to die.
It doesn't matter where!
In the pool? It's impossible.
[grunts] He's not going to succeed!
As long as it looks like he attempted it.
And I already have a plan
for the security cameras and the guard,
but why should I bother explaining
to people with no imagination?
Sounds completely idiotic.
[Carlo] Oh yeah? Huh? Let's vote.
Who's against the idea with the pool?
Perfect. Your Mom and I are in favor.
Your vote's not worth shit.
Yours isn't worth shit either.
- Okay, approved.
- No, hey, that's not how voting works...
That's exactly how it works
because all you agreed
that if something goes wrong
and we get caught,
I will go to jail!
So I call the shots! There!
Sh!
Anyway,
it'll happen tomorrow
when Nana and I go down
to choose flowers for the wedding, okay?
Excuse me. What are we supposed to do?
- I'll explain it tomorrow morning.
- I can't do this. This is...
[mysterious music playing]
[Giuliana] I'm so happy
you're here, Bojan.
How sad that you live so far away.
[Bojan] Yes.
[Giuliana] If you lived a bit closer,
maybe we could visit more often...
[Bojan laughs]
[Giuliana] Oh, what a nice view.
3 DAYS TILL THE WEDDING
2 DAYS TILL THE WEDDING
Oh! Careful. Watch out.
There you go, to the left.
Easy. Easy.
There. There.
Mind your step, dear.
[mysterious music continues]
I gotta be honest. It sounds like a joke.
But oh well.
[groans]
There he is.
Papa, I have to agree.
This doesn't make any sense.
It'll work
as long as you don't get shy on us.
Act desperate.
You have to show you're devastated.
- I don't know if I can do it.
- Mm.
- Hey, Nunzio, what's good?
- I'm going for a swim.
Did you know Papa can do
the "empty lung" for over a minute?
What the hell's the "empty lung"?
- Oh, come on. It's nothing.
- No, no. Tell him. Tell him.
Don't be modest.
In the pool, I held my breath underwater
for roughly a minute and a half.
Longer.
I'm certified in scuba.
I got it in Bali in the '80s
when I was hiding out
due to a false passport charge.
You know,
the usual Italian legal nonsense.
[Ale] Oh, of course. Hmm.
I bet you're not able to hold
your breath for a minute and a half.
Okay, I'll tell you
what we'll do right now.
While I'm diving,
you guys will take the car,
go for a nice ride around the island.
And when you return, I'll still be under.
[inhales deeply]
Wait. Wait just a second.
Go. Go.
Go, go, go!
Oh God!
Oh God, Papa, what has he done?
Are you out of your mind?
What have you done?
- What did I do?
- What have you done? You are crazy!
- You've completely lost it!
- [Nunzio] Ah!
- [Emilio] You're crazy! Don't risk it!
- Papa!
You shouldn't risk your life!
I'm the crazy one?
You three are out of your minds!
You were at the bottom of the pool.
- We were afraid you'd passed out or worse!
- Me? You guys are crazy.
I mean, what the fuck is going on?
You're... you're a weird family. God!
But... but not nice weird like some!
Weird as in sick!
You're sick, all of you!
Honey, you really cannot act.
It's all very dramatic,
too high-pitched, all yelling.
That is not how you act.
- You told me to be desperate. Sorry, but...
- Hey! Ugh!
You were ridiculous.
What, you think you did well?
- [sighs]
- Huh?
[mysterious music playing]
Luis, are you there?
Hi, Carlo. How are you?
- All good.
- Can I help you?
Uh, it's something quite, um, delicate.
Uh... oh...
You should know
that Nunzio is going through
a very difficult time of depression.
Nunzio?
He's very happy from what I see.
[sighs]
Well, in fact,
he tried to kill himself last year.
And a few minutes ago, in the pool,
he attempted to drown himself.
Our pool here?
But how can a person drown themselves
in a pool? It's impossible.
It's not impossible!
Uh...
Uh, Nunzio is so unpredictable, a madman.
Of course, he's very strong mentally.
Obviously, don't... don't mention it.
I'm just telling you
in case something happened.
If you don't mind, I wanted to ask
if, potentially, you'd watch him
when we're away from the villa.
Of course.
Muchas gracias, Luis.
Lo siento mucho.
Ah.
Um...
Also, there should be footage
on your cameras that, well,
captured his latest suicide attempt.
You know, the one in the pool.
Can we watch it?
So that you can share
your own point of view. [chuckles]
When the owners are away,
the security cameras are on,
but they'e not recording.
We can't watch the footage.
Uh...
What the hell are they there for then?
That's ridiculous.
Uh... they're a deterrent
to scare away thieves.
I'm very sorry for Nunzio.
If you want, I can call the doctor.
I know her.
- She's psychiatrist at the hospital.
- No, no...
He... he hates psychiatrists.
He only trusts shamans.
Whatever. Go fuck yourself.
[mysterious music playing]
[music fades]
[snoring softly]
["Nube Viajera" plays downstairs]
Anna?
["Nube Viajera" continues]
["Nube Viajera" continues]
[woman giggles]
[woman moans]
Where'd you go?
I went for... a walk because I just... [sighs]
I can't sleep.
Anyway, that whole idea
of the swimming pool
was totally idiotic, Carlo.
Alessandra was right.
You want all of us around.
Then you make us feel terrible.
[Anna sighs]
I saw you with Nunzio.
Me?
What are you talking about?
I was in the forest.
Then who was it fucking on the sofa?
Oh, Carlo...
Must have been Giuliana.
They're like rabbits those two.
It's gross.
But excuse me.
Do you really think I'd sneak off
with the man
who's going to kill my mother? [scoffs]
What do I know?
Maybe you want to be like Electra,
or you're feeling very Jungian.
Oh, cut the shit. Good night.
[grunts softly]
[sighs]
And besides,
Nunzio is still
rolling around on sofa beds,
organizing little parties, and doing
this whole yoga happiness thing.
Who's gonna believe
that guy wants to commit suicide?
Come on.
Not even if he says it himself.
Well, if he says it himself, yes.
[suspenseful music playing]
2 DAYS TILL THE WEDDING
1 DAY TILL THE WEDDING
[suspenseful music continues]
[Nunzio] Let's take a picture here.
- [Carlo] Oh, come on.
- [groans] No. No.
[Nunzio] A family photo, all together.
- Come on.
- [Emilio] Is this necessary?
[Nunzio] Take off your glasses, darling.
Okay, now, let's all say "cheese."
Actually, no. Grease.
With your finger, like John Travolta.
Come on now. You too, Carlo.
Take the shot already.
[camera clicks]
[camera clicks]
All right, we got it.
Let's see the labyrinth, huh?
[Emilio] Yeah.
- Can I ask you a question, man to man?
- Yeah, ask me.
What's it like having a hot daughter?
Is it hard?
- Why the hell would you ask that?
- Oh!
- All right, you big prude.
- Hmm?
Oh, forget it.
I just forgot that you're an engineer
with the bleak, robotic soul
of a conformist.
Excuse me, my fault.
Why don't you fuck yourself?
- [applause]
- [horse neighs]
[mysterious music playing]
There it is.
What's going on?
They're getting ready
for the festival tonight.
Anna? I'm going to go in.
[Anna] Yeah, we'll be right there.
[chuckling]
Ah, Giuliana's a fortunate bride.
Nunzio's two late wives, poor things,
they didn't have anyone.
At least, no one
who would be there to protect them,
as you do with your mother.
What are you talking about now?
[chuckles] About love, Anna.
What do you think of Nunzio?
Does he seem happy?
Why?
I don't know. I'm a bit worried about him.
He seems depressed.
I wouldn't want him to do...
anything foolish.
Like?
Oh, I don't want him to be found
in the garage
his mouth all... around the exhaust.
Hmm?
[tense music playing]
Now then, shall we join Giuliana?
[music fades]
[indistinct chatter]
[camera clicks]
Piece by piece, slowly,
as morning crawls away from the darkness
and wretched peak of my anxieties.
Confusing is your presence
and your distance.
Wow, beautiful.
Didn't understand shit, but poetic, huh?
Listen, Nunzio.
I need someone I trust
to talk to about something.
Um, but I can't talk to my kids,
much less Anna.
So you want to talk to me?
Uh, well, there's no one else.
And It's rather personal,
and I think maybe you are
the person whose assistance I need.
The curse of everyone loving you.
I imagine.
- They cling clam-like.
- Mm.
Say, there's a nice caf just up the hill.
Shall we get a drink?
You're paying?
I'm paying. I'm paying. Let's go.
[Bojan] How's it going, darling?
[Giuliana] Great. I'm almost done.
[Bojan chuckles]
And you're very fortunate, Anna.
It's rare for a... for a daughter
to attend her own mother's wedding
and be able to help.
Beautiful.
Bojan, what do you want?
What everyone wants.
Well, love.
I want cash.
How much?
Hmm...
One million.
[clears throat]
One million?
Are you crazy?
For an 87-year-old lady?
But Nunzio is my best friend.
Here's the deal. Sure, she's spirited,
but she's also a royal pain in the ass.
Not even factoring in
the filial attachment.
I'm sorry, but I won't give you more
than about 300 thousand.
[scoffs]
Okay.
Four hundred thousand.
Three-fifty.
[chuckles]
Okay, look, 400 thousand
and I'll tell the police that
Nunzio tried to kill himself
in Montevideo last year.
Deal?
I no longer love Anna.
I'd really like to write her a letter
so I can explain myself.
Actually, I wrote one,
but it was a disaster.
You know how to talk and write.
You know women.
Maybe you could help me
rewrite the letter. [chuckles]
- Do you have a pen?
- Yes. Yes, right here.
- Here.
- Write this.
Ugh!
No, it's all bullshit.
You... you do it. Then I'll just copy it.
Very well, but enough with the crying.
No matter how sad you are,
Carlo, try and have some damn balls.
Mm.
If you could just make it very clear
that this is farewell.
I'm leaving this life
which, to me, seems not worth living.
Anna, my old love...
Ah, uh...
No, you're off to a perfect start,
but don't write "Anna."
Just write, "My old, old love."
But why?
Uh, because names are distracting.
- But the letter is for Anna.
- Of course, but she knows that. [chuckles]
Hmm. Ah! Anna, my old love...
Ah! For crying out loud,
just write "my old love," okay?
Do we have to get stuck on this shit?
- All right.
- Come on. Now.
- My old love.
- My old love.
My old love.
Mm-hmm.
I know that I am...
An idiot.
- I do like your sincerity.
- Mm.
- And arrogant.
- An arrogant idiot.
And very fake.
- Fake.
- And vain as well.
Vain? Vain too?
You're really, uh, courageous, huh?
- Yes.
- All right. Vain, yes.
- Underneath the masquerade...
- Masquerade...
- ...there is nothing at all.
- Nothing.
Just manure.
- Just manure?
- Yeah.
- Don't humiliate yourself like that.
- No, it's necessary.
It needs to be sincere
to the point of masochism.
In the end,
that's why I decided to abandon
this world of yours
and this world of mine.
It's brilliant.
We'll put it with his body,
while he's suffocating in the garage.
His farewell to the world.
I have to tell you one thing
because I think it's important
for you to know about it.
Oh God. Is it good or bad?
It's very good.
Perhaps, uh, you realize
how great I might be?
No. No, but Bojan knows
we're going to murder Nunzio.
What are you saying?
Are you... are you kidding me right now?
No.
How the hell is that good news?
He won't be an obstacle,
because he and I have a deal.
And he will confirm
other suicide attempts by Nunzio.
Anna, this is getting
out of hand at this point.
Sweetheart, don't worry, baby.
A little chaos is par for the course
when you're planning on killing someone.
Oh, my love, trust in us.
[mystical music playing]
[Nunzio on recording] Your name is made up
of three magic syllables.
Nun...
zio.
Everyone loves you.
You have 54 female characteristics
and 54 male characteristics.
You're not alone.
You are God's older brother.
Everyone loves you.
[Anna] Hey, Luis.
Hello.
[Anna] What time does the festival start?
Very soon.
[Anna] I saw them practicing
with the horses.
- Did you enjoy it?
- Yes, very much.
[Luis] Unfortunately,
Patricia's not feeling well.
She got a huge migraine.
I don't think we're going anymore.
Uh...
Um... Luis!
- Uh, Luis?
- Yes?
You go. We can stay here
and take care of Patricia.
No, uh, don't worry. Thank you.
You know, my daughter runs a...
a caf where they sell
several teas for headaches.
She's practically a doctor in a way.
And I volunteered
at a dog shelter for five years.
I mean, dogs have migraines too,
and we helped many sick dogs there.
So go. We'll take care of Patricia.
Plus, the festival
only happens once a year.
There's three a year. [chuckles]
Sure, but this is an island.
Nothing ever happens here.
It would be a shame to skip it, no?
Ugh, I don't know.
Today I had a issue with my car.
Until the problem's fixed, I don't wanna
drive it all the way to Ciutadella.
Guess the gods are against us. [chuckles]
Uh, no, excuse me.
The gods aren't against us.
Please borrow our family's car. Hmm?
- Well...
- Well?
- In that case...
- [Anna] Yeah?
- Fun. Okay, thank you.
- Oh! Great, don't mention it.
[chuckles] All right.
[groans]
[sighs]
[mysterious music playing]
[music fades]
[Carlo] Hey, um...
This one is a mild sedative
for your mother to make her go to sleep.
- [Anna] Yes.
- And this one is to knock out Nunzio.
Carlo, please make sure
you don't do this, okay?
[wheels squeaking]
Anna.
Come on. Who is that?
Those are the Buracos.
[Giuliana] My love?
Yes?
Do you like this dress?
I bought it several years ago now,
while I was on tour in Cairo.
You look great, like Vanna Marchi.
What are you, a moron?
I love Vanna Marchi, okay?
I like her as a woman.
[wheels squeaking]
- [women] Surprise!
- Oh!
- Oh! I can't believe it!
- Ah!
- [Giuliana] My bridesmaids are here!
- [woman] Yes!
[Giuliana] I thought
you were coming tomorrow.
- Glad to see you.
- We wanted to surprise you out here.
- [Giuliana] Wonderful!
- What's going on?
It's Giuliana's two bridesmaids.
- Two dear friends of mine have come now.
- [Bojan] Ah.
- Tragedy, Malevolence, and Lightning.
- [Giuliana chuckles]
You can have dinner with us tonight.
We'll get shit-faced together.
- [Giuliana laughs] Oh, yes!
- Oh! Look at you.
How nice! Such a pleasure to see you here.
- Unexpected.
- Good evening. Evening.
- That makes me glad!
- [woman] Yes.
- My friends are staying for dinner.
- Yes.
That doesn't work for me.
- No, it's just that... Bojan, excuse me.
- [Bojan] Yes?
You can't miss such an opportunity, right?
He's our wedding planner.
We'll have a bachelorette night.
You know, a bachelorette party?
Ah, right. Of course!
A bachelorette party!
No, no! You can't miss it. No, no, no!
Is it now? What are we doing?
Ah, we're going for a picnic.
A... soire. And a... a midnight swim.
You can swim if you want,
but of course, you don't have to.
[Anna] I have a better idea.
You can take them
to the festival in Ciutadella?
It's important there's booze, huh?
- Oh! Our hotel is right by there.
- Yes!
We can all get smashed.
- Then we can crawl on back to the room.
- Naturally.
[Bojan] Okay, off to the festivities.
Let's go.
[Nunzio] Ah, the festival...
- Yep. Yep.
- Be careful, huh?
Let's close this door.
[Nunzio sighs]
Promise you'll drink
for me, too, tonight, okay?
[Bojan sighs]
- [Nunzio sighs]
- Oh yes, of course.
I will drink double.
[chuckles]
Ah, brother.
Hang on. Watch out this way.
Over here. You're in.
Bye, pretty ladies! Have fun.
- Bye-bye. Bye!
- [car door closes]
Night.
Drinks for us?
- Do you like Cuba Libre?
- Hey, careful with the Cuba Libre!
Don't forget
to add the lime before the rum.
- I got it. Yes, I know how.
- I'll help you.
No! He knows how.
[chuckles]
Are you sure he knows how?
- Of course. Yes, he's a heavy drinker, so...
- Ah.
- [Ale] He's ruined dozens of holidays.
- [Nunzio] Oh, well...
[mysterious music playing]
Well, since we're family,
no need to keep up appearances.
We can be comfortable, right?
We can snort freely.
I mean we all snort, don't we?
- No, I don't. Thanks.
- Ah.
- No. I don't either.
- [chuckles]
Uh... I do. Uh, family means honesty.
Honesty and cocaine,
you can't go wrong with that.
- You can never be disappointed.
- Of course.
[Carlo] Here I am.
But alas, I think I left it in my room.
[Carlo] Here we go.
[Nunzio] Oh, Cuba Libre.
[chuckles]
All right.
This is for Nunzio.
Thank you.
- [Carlo] This is for you, darling.
- Thank you, honey.
- [Carlo] Here.
- Papa, thank you.
Emilio.
To the family.
[all] To the family!
To the family. [chuckles]
Mm.
Mm.
Anyway, this one could be
a good story for the theater.
The insecure daughter, the depressed son,
the parents who've stuck together
since high school. Pathetic.
The grandmother
who somehow got with a widower.
Actually, a multi-widower
who's much younger.
It could be a fun comedy.
Mm. A bit bitter, I think.
That depends on the ending, I guess.
- Yeah.
- Ah, yeah. You're right as usual.
Are you sure you have to marry Nana?
Well, why wouldn't I?
Well, uh... maybe it's not a good idea.
Maybe it wouldn't benefit either of you.
Emilio, please.
Sorry, I'm...
I'm, uh, suddenly feeling very sleepy.
Would someone be so kind
as to go and get the cocaine
in the bedroom? Because I... [yawns]
...I forgot it.
And those were
the last words he ever said.
Uh...
Uh...
Everyone says gas
is super expensive on these islands.
But... it doesn't seem...
Today, we filled the car.
It didn't cost that much. How much was it?
1.60 a liter? Wasn't bad at all.
Do you know what we haven't had yet?
Paella!
We're here, and we haven't
even had paella. This is insane, you guys.
Luis said that
the classic Valencian paella has meat.
But then there's a seafood version
with mussels and clams.
We could be having both, everybody.
We'll have surf and turf.
Sounds like a great combination to me.
Today, I swam 100 laps in the pool.
One hundred laps, this way and back.
It's not Olympic-sized, sure,
but 100 laps is still a lot.
- So I'm a little tired now. Good night.
- [Anna] Emilio?
Excuse me. Before you put your pajamas on,
we still have to kill Nunzio.
Or did you forget?
- Can I say one thing?
- Please.
Six million.
Is it worth more than Nunzio's life?
Obviously, yes.
But Nana's life is worth much more.
[sighs]
But it's evident
that you two didn't raise us very well.
You raised us... differently.
And so... Emilio and I
won't be murdering anyone.
We are backing out. We... we can't do it.
Seems only right.
Okay.
Really?
[Anna] Yes, sweetheart.
[sighs]
Go to sleep, kids, okay?
And you?
Well, we...
In just a minute, we'll wake Nunzio up
and take him to his room.
That's what we'll do.
[Anna] Yes.
Okay.
Sorry I got you involved. I mean it.
It's all my fault.
But thank you
because you cooperated, even when...
when it devolved into total madness.
It's over now.
Okay.
Have a good night, then.
[Carlo] Good night, sweetheart.
- [Anna] I love you so much.
- Good night.
Grab his feet.
[mysterious music playing]
- [Anna] No. Wait.
- [Carlo] Lift him up.
You have to lift him.
[Anna] I know, but it's like...
[scoffs] He's heavy. I'll grab his feet.
Turn on the light.
- [Carlo] Get his legs in.
- Yes, that is what I'm trying to do.
[Carlo] In the meantime,
I'll get the hose.
[grunting]
- [Anna] The note.
- [horn blares]
- For fuck's sake!
- [Anna] Sh!
No, no, no...
Now the...
- [Carlo] Anna.
- [Anna] Yes?
Come here for a sec.
[Anna] What?
I can't find the exhaust pipe.
- It should be right here, shouldn't it?
- [Anna] What do you mean?
I can't find the exhaust pipe.
It should be here.
[Anna] Yeah.
There's no exhaust pipe here.
There is no exhaust? That's impossible.
[Carlo sighs]
[Anna] There's no exhaust.
There's no exhaust.
You're right.
It's a goddamn electric.
[Anna] What?
[sighs]
What are we supposed to do
with no exhaust pipe?
Uh, eh...
Huh. It's an electric car.
We can give him, uh,
an electro... electroshock.
Knock it off already! Really?!
Give me a hand.
[Anna grunts]
[both panting]
Okay. Now what?
Huh? Now we go to bed.
What?
Your mother is not a total fool.
She heard about
Nunzio's checkered past weeks ago
and didn't care.
Maybe she wants to enjoy
her last few years like this,
no matter what happens to her.
Ah.
Oh, I see.
And that should be enough for me, right?
I... I don't know.
I've come this far, out of love,
and defied all logic,
but that's it for me.
Come to bed.
[Anna] In a minute.
[somber music playing]
- [gunshot]
- Anna!
What was that?
He's gone to Ceccano.
[mysterious music playing]
What's going on? Where is Nunzio?
He was asleep in the living room.
No, he was here with me. Oh God!
- Mom.
- [gunshot]
- [Giuliana] Ah!
- What the...
- [Giuliana] What was that?
- [Bojan] What's going on? Qu pas?
What's happening?
[gunshot]
[Patricia screams]
Ah!
[Patricia] Luis!
Oh, Luis, what have you done?
Have you lost it?
[Nunzio] Help me!
- Help!
- Are you crazy? What have you done?
- [Nunzio] Call an ambulance! Help!
- [Patricia] Give me this gun. Luis?
[Nunzio] Ah!
Luis, forgive me.
I don't know what I did!
Just a moment. Just a moment of madness.
Luis, I'm so sorry! I love you.
Forgive me. Please. I love you.
Will someone pay attention to me
and call a fucking ambulance?! Huh?
Such a beautiful nurse
could only work in a hospital by the sea.
[Bojan chuckles]
Amigo... [chuckles]
...this time, it was too damn close, right?
For you, you mean.
What would you have done
if I had left you an orphan?
[chuckles]
I'd have bought a Harley
and a villa in Montenegro.
[chuckles]
What was that?
Nothing. Nothing. [chuckles]
[Anna] I'm sorry, Mama.
- About what?
- That he's not dead.
Huh.
What'll you do now?
In two weeks' time,
as soon as Nunzio is well and able to go,
we'll return to Rome.
At the theater, we'll go ahead with play.
After we close the show,
we'll be leaving for Brazil.
Mama, but why?
But before that,
I'm going to wire you six million euro.
- Oh, Mama, you don't have to do that.
- Maybe not quite that much.
I'll need a little money
to take to Brazil.
Although, reluctantly,
I acknowledge his motives,
the reason why he's with me.
But regardless,
I want to enjoy my life... while I can.
So I'm going to act like
I still have the inheritance.
And I'll enjoy Brazil with him,
turning that man into my slave.
You know at my age,
to think I can live in Brazil,
making love on the white sand beach,
is something
that is worth some pain and a little risk.
[chuckles]
Maybe not just at your age, Mama.
[chuckles]
[indistinct chatter]
- [Carlo] How's the water?
- Great!
Really nice.
- Aren't you gonna splash around?
- [chuckles] Yeah, not in a million years.
Hey, there's Mom.
How's it going?
All things considered, pretty good.
Ah. And Nana's okay?
Nana is not getting married.
- [all] Ah.
- All right.
Good.
But it would be nice for us
to take another trip as a family, hmm?
Even if we don't plan
elaborate murders next time.
Ah, yes.
So, no wedding after all?
No.
All right, thank God.
We didn't commit murder,
but we saved her in the end.
No, Nunzio did that all on his own.
But, Mom, we were the ones stuck
doing all the dirty work here, you know?
I think we deserve
a small thank you in the least.
- Or maybe a big one. What do you think?
- [Ale] I agree.
So you didn't talk with Nana
about money, right?
- That's it. I'm taking a walk.
- [Carlo] I'll join you.
Why? Was it something I said?
- Did you talk to her or not?
- In the hospital?
- Yes.
- No, I didn't talk to her.
Hold on. So I had a nervous breakdown
for three weeks for free?
Did you tell her about my boat?
Quit making everything
have to do with money.
You did talk to her, but you don't
want to tell your family shit, huh?
- Don't talk like that. I'm your mom!
- Don't talk like that. She's your mom!
- So rude.
- Not even a raft, honey?
But... but...
why is it always my fault in the end?
- Enough already. Knock it off!
- [Ale] No.
[Emilio] Because you only think
about yourself, Alessandra.
- [Carlo] Enough! Drop it!
- [Ale] I only think about myself?
[Carlo] We can't even enjoy
one vacation as a family?
Phoenix City
["Phoenix City" playing]
- [airplane engine]
- Here's Mom. And an airplane too.
It's plummeting. Hear that?
I already knew it! I just knew it.
- [laughs]
- Come on, guys. Please, let's go!
You don't know this,
but her mother used to strangle dogs.
But never poodles!
[chuckles] What?
Excuse me.
What are we gonna do with this dog?
- [Emilio] What's going on?
- There's nothing... [splutters]
It's a bit of a personal issue. Um...
What the fuck do I say here?
Luisa and...
Luisa and... Oh, go fuck me.
Please stop. I beg you.
Here he is! Here he is.
- [laughs]
- [Emilio] What the fuck?
What if we don't find arsenic in Menorca?
Sorry.
[laughs]
- What if we don't find aconitum...
- No, that's not right.
- [laughs]
- [man] Cut.
[laughs]
Do we start again? I heard Giovanna.
- [farts]
- [Emilio] It's nice. It's nice. It's nice.
Hey, who farted?
I can't handle it.
Now I'm just here waiting for the fart.
- Well, you're a dumbass. Excuse you.
- Okay.
[gunshot] He's gone to Ceccano.
All right.
[laughs] Fuck!
And cut.
["Phoenix City" continues]
Phoenix City
[music fades]
[mysterious music playing]
[music fades]