The Queen (1968) Movie Script
1
Yes, I want you
to come up tonight.
I want you to get up here
as fast as you can, that's all.
Is that your mother?
Okay, then come up tomorrow,
darling.
See you tomorrow.
Okay, honey. No, I won't.
See you tomorrow, okay, darling?
All right, sweetheart,
I love you.
Yes, just come to New York
and come to the apartment
right away.
Are you driving or are you...
All you do is take a cab
to number 5 East 73rd Street
and here we are,
flawless drag queens by the ton.
All right, dear,
see you tomorrow.
- Love you, bye-bye, darling.
- Jack, I need the phone.
What about dinner?
What about dinner?
My name is Jack.
Well, my mother calls me Jack.
Everybody that cares about me
calls me Jack.
That's... that's my name.
But I work under the name
of Sabrina,
and all the queens
all call me Sabrina
whenever I see them.
I go up to this queen
and I say, "What's your name?"
The queen says, "Monique."
And you say,
"That's marvelous, darling,
but what was your name before?"
And the queen will look at you
straight in the eye and say,
"There was no before."
I don't try to compete
with them.
Look, I'm 24 years old,
but in drag
I come on like 110,
and I do this whole
bar mitzvah mother thing.
You know, gaudy gowns and pushy,
but that's a good relationship
with them
because they don't fear me
as competition.
They respect me,
and it's commercial.
All drag queens want is love,
and they try to get that love
by being sexy and beautiful.
For some of them, baby,
they sleep during the day
and they do all their work
at night.
Because they're night people.
They're... some of them
have not experienced
or have ever seen day people,
or worked with day people,
or seen the outside world.
A lot of them know
their street corners,
and their bars,
and their favorite YMCA,
and their favorite bathhouse.
But they're beautiful.
They're, like, in this
fantasy bag, you know?
But who's not in a fantasy bag?
I can't help but feel
a certain responsibility
for Richard,
although I certainly know
I have no responsibility to him.
I first met Richard at one
of my promotional parties.
I just came in in one of
my Alcoa Presents gowns
and went dancing around.
All of a sudden,
there's this little kid
sitting there,
started asking me questions,
and he wanted advice
on drag and everything.
Well, first of all,
I'm not interested
in getting any new recruits
to the drag bag.
All I want to do is sell tickets
for people to come see them,
so I said,
"Look, go get yourself
some barbells and..."
But he wasn't about
to take advice from anybody.
I really don't think Richard
ever needed any advice.
He just sort of had it
all mapped out in front of him.
- Oh!
- Hello.
Jerry from Washington.
Elliot.
- Washington is here.
- Washington is here.
No shit.
- Hello, how are you?
- Okay, baby, how are you?
Where were you calling from
this morning?
Where were you when you left
that phone message,
you called me this morning.
Where did you call me from,
Washington?
- No, I was here.
- You were here in New York?
- Mm-hm.
- Oh, my God.
We called Washington,
we thought you were back there.
I called Washington,
thought you were back there.
No, I don't think the woman
ever understood what I was...
Okay, now, we've got
to check you into the hotel.
In Washington,
you were Miss Universe, right?
Well, in our contest
you won't be Miss Universe.
You'll be part of the... you'll be
Miss Greater Washington.
- Okay?
- Did you fly all the way in,
or did you take a train?
Mary Alice Louise, may I please
speak to the contestant?
- Hi.
- Hi.
You want to take her coat,
Elliot?
You'll check in with Joey...
Joey?
- Joey?
- Yes, dear.
This is my assistant.
Check-in.
- Hi, girls.
- Hello.
- How are you?
- Fine, how are you?
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi, baby.
That's her.
Who is this?
Let her see it first.
No, that's Nicole.
I run these contests
all over America,
from Boston to the Ozarks,
and drag queens
are all the same.
You get them together,
it's like a convention.
As soon as you get out
in the Midwest...
And so when I got in the cab,
he said...
We were talking about the show
and he said to me,
at fi... he said to me,
"You are a woman, aren't you?"
And I... because after
I told him it was
a female impersonation
contest, he said,
"You are a woman, aren't you?"
I says, "No," I said,
"I'm one of the contestants
in the contest."
He goes, "Oh."
He said, "Oh, you certainly
are pretty."
And he said,
"On the other hand,"
which is more, he said,
"I thought the other one
who just got out of the car
was a dyke."
After recess.
Hi.
Hi, Jerry, hi, how are you?
Joey?
This is Jay under New York.
This is... this is Joe Venuti.
- This is Joe Venuti.
- Hi, baby, how are you?
Okay, great, we'd like
to stay here now.
We're gonna check you
into a hotel.
Canelle is your last name,
right?
You'll be checked into a hotel.
He just got in.
I was just gonna call ya.
- Richard?
- Yes.
Would you please get in here
and everyone else?
Joe is in charge of
the entire East Coast contest.
What Joey says is it.
McNamara?
What color hair do you want?
Shut up. Don't start.
Will everybody please
be quiet for a minute?
Yes, would everyone
please be quiet?
Kids, may I have all
of your attention, please?
If you remove a garment,
we must know about it
and we'll have a page there
to take it away from you.
At the front of the stage,
right,
you want to take off the duster.
So, instead of doing
the age-old drag trick
of taking off the duster
and letting it fall,
flop on the floor
as in, would you believe
Cupcake Cassie
has been doing that act
at the Globe for 40 years?
Instead of that,
you take the duster off,
hold the duster behind you
if you want,
or hold it out or something
if you want,
or just take it off
and you put your arm out,
and it's our responsibility
to make sure
your page is there,
and he will be.
That instant there's a page
there to take your duster.
It looks very much gayer for you
and it looks one million times
better to the audience.
And if you don't do it,
the judges will take points off.
Number two, if you are difficult
or uncooperative
in the opinion of all
those people in charge of you,
which I'm sure
none of you will be, but I am
telling you this
so you'll know about it,
you may be dropped
from the contest.
Or if you stay out on stage
longer than the time allotted,
and this you'll learn
in rehearsal.
Yeah, no cruising
in front of Town Hall.
Yes, and you may not bring
numbers to the room
unless you share them
with national academy.
The national academy is me.
I promote and run
the whole shtick.
The point system again:
Five points for walk,
five points for talk,
five for bathing suit,
five for gown,
five for makeup and hairdo,
and ten for beauty.
Shh.
Okay, we've got
these three problems:
Number one, finding a hotel
with 28 empty rooms.
Number two,
finding a hotel hip enough
to let our guys in there.
And, number three, heh,
keeping the guys in.
What are you doing, the bed?
No, I'm looking for a place
to put my wig.
- Can I put it in the closet?
- Put it over there somewhere.
Okay.
Okay, where's the bathroom?
Oh, somebody left their cologne.
Where's the brush?
This thing is a mess,
don't even ask.
Look at this,
it's falling apart.
I'm gonna have to reset it.
- Do you like the color?
- Mm-hm, it's very nice, Jimmy.
Yeah, great.
I love the way you put
your tease up in the back.
Thanks, dear.
Let's look at the gowns.
Let's see your coat,
let's see your cape.
Two bottles of Scotch, please.
And ice. Thank you,
we'll be down for it.
- My gown, I don't know.
- You like it?
- Beautiful, beautiful!
- I made it in one night.
I know.
- Do you like it?
- It's very nice.
It's different.
The color with the black hair
for a change
instead of the frosted hair.
Oh, my gown is all messed up.
I don't know how I'm gonna undo
this.
I'm gonna try it on.
See if it fits all right.
These are the earrings
I want to wear
with the bathing suit, look.
Aren't these pretty?
- I fixed them already.
- What was wrong with it?
- They were just loose.
- Where's the brush?
Yeah, I have a brush in here.
Jimmy, remember that stuff
for the beards.
Remember that stuff
for the beards.
We need that stuff
to cover our beards.
That stuff she told us to get
to cover our beards
so they don't come through
our makeup.
What time is rehearsal tomorrow?
Rehearsals are at two,
Jerry LeRoy Studios.
Are you gonna be able to get
this fuzz out, Frank?
- Yeah, I will.
- Did you put lanolin on it?
I have to get back.
The thing is, you know,
when you're made up,
I want to get an idea
of your... this beard,
if you're not bothered.
All right, but that's good.
Now, wait, there's Eartha
and Josephine Baker
come on like this.
You know the old 1920s
teacup crossing
that we were always carrying on?
Am I blue
Wait, then the pages come back
out with two buckets
of rose petals, right?
And while Minette's sitting up
there totally unbothered,
doesn't even see the queens
crossing in front of her,
she's still singing, these...
The two pages are throwing
rose petals for her.
You're not making dinner.
Always oblivious.
My doll is as dainty
as a sparrow
Her figure is something
to applaud
Where she's narrow,
she's as narrow as an arrow
And she's broad
where a broad
should be broad
101 pounds of fun
That's my little honey bun
Get a load of honey bun
tonight
I'm speaking of
my sweetie pie
Only 60 inches high
Every inch is packed
with dynamite
Her hair is blond and curly
Her curls are hurly-burly
Her lips are pips
I call her hips
"Twirly" and "Whirly"
Oh, she's my baby,
I'm her pap
I'm her booby,
she's my trap
I am caught
'cause I don't want to run
'Cause I'm having
so much fun with honey bun
Believe me, sonny
She's a cookie who can
cook you till you're done
Ain't being funny
Honey, put your money
on my honey bun
With a lot of rehearsal,
I could do it.
You've rehearsed all week.
It's too loud.
Hello.
My, if it isn't Bette Davis.
How are you, my dear?
Bette Davis.
Hell, I haven't seen you
in years.
Bette Davis...
I thought it was
Alfred Hitchcock.
My big, bald head
is showing, y'all.
It's more like Jackie Gleason.
No, this is Ricky's coat.
Isn't it beautiful?
It's glamorous for bed.
You know, they say
that most Negro boys
get bumps on their face
from shaving
'cause when I was working,
they had a magazine,
Ebony, for Negro people
and they have
a special depilatory
especially for the Negro boys
that takes all the hair off
and prevents.
Boy, I was so tired
at those rehearsals
with those heels on, forget it.
Oh, listen,
I got a corn on my toe.
Look at the powder
coming out of my shoe now.
The kids did well with that,
I think.
- What?
- No, I think that
it went pretty smoothly
for tonight
when we go to The Town Hall.
In The Town Hall, yeah.
I'm anxious to see
what it's like.
Well, you know, when we get
to The Town Hall,
that's gonna be our big blow up.
Everybody.
Remember
Miss Monoball Montana.
Flown in under
Miss Barelle's power.
Semi-finalist number three.
Flown in by blackbirds.
Semi-finalist number five.
Semi-finalist number six.
Wait until your numbers
are called.
Wait until I say your number...
Semi-finalist number seven.
The queen of
the 1967 nationals...
that is the queen
who will reign over America
as our winner tonight...
here in New York.
From New York,
Miss Jackie Morrell,
queen of the 1967 nationals.
This is our reigning beauty.
Queen of the 1967 nationals.
That's what it's like,
only it's five times as bad.
Five times as bad.
You don't need these.
Come on, come on.
Oh, I'm a woman!
Can't look anything but.
But why are the titties
all the way down here?
Huh?
Because you're longer
than a woman is.
A woman is not as long,
you know?
Boys are longer, back waisted
and wider, different.
All right, which one...
Is that the other one?
I'll never get into any.
Why can't you make a bikini?
You can come in here, mister.
Oh, wait, don't take
no picture of me in it.
What's the black one for?
Put your arm...
Put your shoulder...
Don't hook the bra.
Okay.
Won't have to wear any bras
with them.
Don't hook the bra.
You have one for
this little boy, right?
- I think these are fantastic.
- It is.
the black.
How many of these do you have?
- I have ten.
- Ten?
Where's the queen in the black?
The nationals!
This is the fabulous nationals.
America's greatest beauties
And here they are
Woo!
Woo!
- Sabrina, Sabrina.
- Oh, why thank you.
Yuck.
Wouldn't this be a hell
of a mess if the draft board
would call us right now
to come down for a physical?
- This is...
- Have you ever been drafted?
This is what I'm wearing
to the draft, boys.
You've already been drafted,
haven't you?
Of course not,
I'm not old enough.
Well, you know,
this friend of mine
went to the draft board.
Well, I was just talking to him
and I said,
"Why haven't you been drafted?"
And he said,
"Well, I have been,"
and I said, "Well,
did you tell them
that you were homosexual?"
He said, "No, they told me."
Oh, my Lord.
They do, they take them
to a psychiatrist.
I interviewed with him,
and he asked me,
he says, "Well,
why are you homosexual,"
and then, I told him that,
you know,
that my mother and my father
made me that way.
And then he asked me
about boys and stuff.
Well, I said,
"Yeah, I like boys."
So, he said, "Next."
I got a letter
from the draft board
stating I come down at 7:00.
I got to the draft board.
They said... I had long, red hair,
so they said, "You really
should have been a girl.
You're... it's too much."
They said, "You can go.
We can't use you."
I said, "Thank you," and I left.
That was it, I went to
Atlantic City, went back home,
and I wrote a long letter
to the president,
stating I wanted
to go into the Army.
I wanted to go not for...
Because I was a homosexual
because there men there.
I wanted to help
protect our country.
Simple as that.
So, I got a letter back
and it stated that
they understood
and that they couldn't
have me in the Army as of yet.
Maybe one day
they'll see things right
and I could get in.
Well, my brother was drafted
and he's gay, too.
He's gay.
Does it run in the family?
Well, he went down,
but he didn't pass his physical
because of his nose.
- Nose?
- He can't breathe too properly.
But I have a friend
and he's gay,
his brother is gay,
and his sister is gay.
I'm proud of what I've got
and I certainly don't
want it whacked off.
Well, having it
showing out of...
- You'd have been a queen.
- I would've been a girl.
Two inches more
and she'd be a king.
And although people think
we may be feminine,
I know... I know I probably
don't look like a girl,
but I may sometimes talk
a little high
or, you know,
a little feminine sometimes.
I think you're all woman.
Well, my, really and truly,
would you like to be
a real girl if you could
have that sex change
if you had the money
or you could get it done free?
Well, I have enough money
to go through the sex change
and I live only 30 miles
from Johns Hopkins,
but it's the last thing
I would want.
I know that I'm a drag queen.
I've been a drag queen
for a long time,
I've been gay for a long time,
but I certainly do not want
to become a girl,
even if I could have a baby.
Do you do bo... are you feminine
in bed or you do both?
Well, my husband
is in the service
and he's in Japan now,
and even if I could
have a child,
I wouldn't want
to have the operation.
But there's just one thing
about being a sex change.
If you're a homosexual
in the first place,
you want a man, you don't want...
You're not interested in girls.
So, if you're a drag queen,
they... they don't want...
Another gay person
is not gonna go,
just like my lover.
He doesn't like me going in drag
for the simple reason
that he doesn't want a girl,
he wants a boy.
He wants me to be more of a boy
than he wants me to be a girl.
But, yet, I want to be a girl,
not sexually, but...
Although I like
to go in drag and all that
and I don't go with girls,
I don't have anything
against girls, but all that...
No, I don't, I really do.
I think it's ridiculous
for some gay boys
that want to hurt girls
and get jealous of 'em,
but that's just ridiculous.
I have respect for everybody.
But even if I could have
a sex change,
I wouldn't have it anyhow.
- Not if it was given?
- No.
My goodness gracious, no.
They don't know anything
about it, do they?
What about... your mother
knows this.
Yeah, but my stepfather doesn't.
My mother and daddy both know.
Yeah, when did yours find out?
Well, about my second husband,
I think.
When I took him home
and he stayed on
for the duration
for about three years,
they finally figured it out.
No, my parents are
very, very wonderful.
They accepted it, my mother
more so than my father.
But Mother said, "Well,
I love you just what you are."
I think it's funny
because I come
from a little, small town,
about 500 people,
and everybody in that town
knew I was gay
from the time I was
five years old on up.
Oh, Lord,
you're so damn obvious.
Well, it was the truth,
and everybody knew it,
and everybody... every woman
in that town says,
"I want my son to grow up
like Jerry Corwin."
Everybody does,
and even the preachers
and everybody thinks
I'm just okay.
I mean, I can go
from house to house,
knock on door to door and...
Well, your personality
makes the difference.
Come to think of it, knock on
door to door, that's kinda silly
'cause I never knocked
in my life.
I just open up and go on in,
holler, "Howdy!"
- How many, 500?
- About 500 people
and 1,440 dogs, coon dogs.
Well, you know, my mother,
she doesn't really accept it.
She just sort of said
that she wouldn't
talk about it anymore.
She really doesn't understand.
Never boast or brag
Should auld acquaintance
be forgot
Keep your eyes on
the grand old flag
Grand old flag
You're a high-flying flag
Forever in peace
may you wave
You're the emblem of
the land I love
The home of the free
and the brave
Every heart beats true
for the red, white, and blue
Where there's never
a boast or brag
Should auld acquaintance
be forgot
Keep your eye on
the grand old flag
Cut!
Don't forget you have to put
the false nails on me.
The metal gate towards the end.
I'll show you tonight
when I take you to rehearsal.
- Oh, uh...
- A clamp.
You have to put a few more here
and then criss-cross...
Criss-cross there.
- The hair?
- Yeah.
Try to center your chorus line.
Try to center your chorus line
because your chorus line
keeps getting over too far.
- You got a comb?
- You'll get a call.
Half-hour, 15 minutes,
five minutes onstage.
Okay?
It's got as many squeaks
as my tits have wrinkles.
And her tits have wrinkles.
They do, look.
Look at the line I got here now.
Yeah, remind me to shadow.
You've got to shadow it, honey.
- Are you uncomfortable?
- No, I'm fine.
Get this shoulder.
- Does that show?
- Yes, it does.
This makeup is fantastic,
I'll tell you.
The only thing is I'm afraid
it's gonna be too red for me.
This is the color I always use,
but it's very red.
Do you think I should use that
on Billy?
How do you think it'll work?
Where is it anyway?
Don't do any experiments on me.
No, dear, use the old shit.
All right.
What's Harlow's problem?
No wig?
All right, see if Kathy
can get this full.
See if I can get it full.
Everybody will give you
a full, honey,
until it's time to give you one.
They give you shit.
I want all them queers
out of my room.
They're all getting out
right now.
You just wait a minute.
I tell her, I'll get a rented,
put on a rent on her.
I did it before to her.
We used to go in drag
splits notice.
In her own hair, like this,
I used to comb it.
355-3481.
I'm in a spot, and it's a matter
of absolute life or death,
Carol,
that I get hold
of a platinum blond full,
and I mean life or death.
For Richard to go out there
tonight on that stage
without a wig
is like sending him out there
without his head.
And I'm desperate,
I am absolutely desperate.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do,
I'm interested in myself
right at this point,
and I don't give a fuck
about anybody to tell the truth.
I'm very much interested
in myself.
An NBW, a natural beauty wonder.
The first contest
Richard ever entered,
the first contest
Richard ever entered, he won.
A lot of these kids
have worked their way up
from, would you believe,
last place
to second, maybe third.
So, they worked for it.
Richie never worked for it.
Went into a contest,
got on stage,
was beautiful,
the crowd cheered,
the kid won.
He never really experienced loss
or anything happening to him.
Goodnight.
- Richard.
- What?
Just relax.
You know what
I've been through today.
Richard, just relax, please.
My stomach is about to bust.
Richard, please relax.
You're acting like a little kid.
Well, that's exactly what I am.
You're not that little, darling.
You've been through
worse than this.
All right, it's a big night,
all you always wanted,
but that doesn't mean anything.
I'm dry.
- Give me enough.
- What?
I says, "Give enough."
We're all washed up, too.
Remember
Well, that's how you're gonna be
out on stage.
I can't see any beard
or anything.
And it doesn't look cakey.
Do you think it looks cakey?
I'm talking about my eyes,
child, those wings.
Hm.
I don't know about the eyes,
I thought you were talking
about your makeup.
No, my eyes, they're terrible.
I like 'em.
- You gotta...
- Okay, you gotta...
oh, God!
Here goes hell.
Oh boy, that's no good?
Agghh!
Then you tape these.
Ooh, you've gotta
shadow my line in.
Don't forget.
- Go ahead.
- Pull it in some.
You got that double tit again.
It's the first time
I've ever taped.
I think I got three of 'em.
Extra points, got three titties.
- Over and over too.
- Uh-huh.
I need you to go out right now
and get me Q-tips
and spirit gum.
I need a fresh bottle
of spirit gum.
- Where's my...
- I need it immediately,
I've no idea, Jim.
I've no idea, find a razor
from somebody else,
I've gotta go.
I put it in here at the house.
Ugh.
Remember, girls,
it's the girl with the poise
who'll get all the boys.
Work that hair.
You gorgeous darling.
What time is it?
Ten.
Uh, you want to talk
to Joe Venuti
or just have him
give me the list, or...
No, I want Joey, I want Joey.
I can't operate without him.
Can't you interweave it?
Oh, I know how to interweave it,
it's very easy,
just tease it up
and mat it through.
But is that always necessary?
Well, she wants it,
she digs it...
It makes the thing
look full, fuller.
That is all right.
You won't really
see it that much,
'cause when I brush it through,
you don't notice it.
It looks good,
but I don't like it with bangs.
It's not sophisticated enough.
I don't think so.
Really. I'm sorry.
I think it looks better
off her face.
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
Richard, you should see
what that looks like
from the side.
- The worst?
- The worst.
You look like every other
doggone drag queen.
She thinks I'm kidding her!
She looks like everybody else.
- Joe, shut up.
- Well, then take it off!
Wear your hair sprayed back
where you look like
you got a little class!
Where's the wig brace?
Joey, Joey has...
Wig brace.
- Joey's at 11:40.
- Wig brace.
Where's the wig brace?
- It's in here.
- Great.
Get Joe Venuti,
get him over to Town Hall.
If he's not there now, Mother,
I won't remember
one of those names
of the contestants,
and I can't read up there.
That's a girl.
Spread it out
and step up a little.
I was waiting for the snap.
Here, then you walk out,
going in a line,
and then I walk out in front.
Oh, I feel like Maria Bach.
Mother... thank you,
baby, very much.
I need a pound...
I'm 32 and I'm fabulous.
Oh no, get
out, girl.
What happened?
I just popped a button.
It's in the case there.
Where is it? What case?
I gotta turn around
in this damn thing.
Can I turn? No.
Is this the right costume?
Yes, it's the right costume.
Well, I have
the wrong costume on.
Let me. Oh.
You don't ask.
If you listen, you hear.
Excuse me.
Joey...
Joey!
All right!
Get 'em over there.
In this order, in this order.
Boston.
Chicago.
Please get back
so they can line up.
Please.
Brooklyn.
Brooklyn, Brooklyn!
Not yet for her.
Brooklyn, Brooklyn, get here.
Philadelphia.
Come on, get over there.
Brooklyn.
Oh, I don't have the purse.
No, get over here.
You got back on line again,
I missed a girl, right?
You walk out...
and model.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
Are you ready
to see our contestants?
Let's open up the curtain
and take a look at our beauties.
Let's hear it for them.
Remember.
Every one of these contestants,
before they came here,
is a winner.
I feel awfully sorry
for the judges tonight.
It's a hell of a responsibility
having to pick out
just one queen
out of all of these
brilliant contestants.
Let's hear it for
Mr. Mario Montez.
Mario? There he is.
Let's hear it for him, come on.
Thank you very much.
You're a hell of a nice guy,
you really are.
There may come a time
when a hard-boiled employer
...are a girl's best friend
There may come a time
when a hard-boiled employer
thinks you're awful nice
But get that ice
or else no dice
He's your guy
when stocks are high
But beware when
they start to descend
It's then that those louses
go back to their spouses
Diamonds are
a girl's best friend
I've heard of affairs
that are strictly platonic
But diamonds are
a girl's best friend
And I think affairs
that you must keep Masonic
Are better bets
if little pets
get big baguettes
Time rolls on
and youth is gone
And you can't...
Bathing suit competition
is the toughest.
It's right down
to the nitty-gritty.
No feathers, nothing, just them.
- You're crazy.
- I know it.
- Straighten your seam.
- My seam?
Yeah.
Oh, it's all the way
around the other side.
Excuse me.
Appreciate it so much,
thank you.
Well, my brother, he would love
to be in the contest too.
And my mother.
They all three,
all of us would have
loved to be in it.
All right, Fairfield,
your first name.
Again, your name.
Sprinkles Marketti.
Stamford.
Alicia.
Chicago.
Boy.
What? Your name, your name.
Oh, Alphonso.
Washington state, your name.
Stephanie.
Baltimore.
You want the whole name
or just the first name?
Whatever name
you use in drag, baby.
Erika.
- Huh?
- Erika.
I need a mirror.
Okay.
Hold it here, girls,
and remember,
these are your lines
to walk in, okay?
And back here, and stay here.
I'm just a woman,
a lonely woman
Waiting on the weary shore
I'm just a woman
that's only human
One you should be sorry for
Woke up this morning
long about dawn
Without a warning,
I found he was gone
Why did he do it,
how could he do it
He never done it before
Am I blue
Am I blue...
Ain't these tears
in these eyes telling you
Am I blue
Wouldn't you
If each plan with your man
done fell through
Was a time
I was his only one
But now I'm
the sad and lonely one
Lonely
Was I gay
till today
Now he's gone
and we're through,
am I blue
Don't ask me am I blue
How come you ask me
am I blue
Ain't these tears
in these eyes
telling a tale to you
How come you ask me
am I blue
Well, wouldn't you be too
Now here's one
of the contestants
that did not choose
to go in the bathing suit.
Rather...
this is very serious business.
Rather, she chose
only to go in the dress...
Gown, please forgive me.
This is Miss Boston,
Massachusetts.
Miss Billie.
Miss Boston, Massachusetts,
Miss Billie.
Let's have some music
for her, Jimmy.
Hi, darling.
And now, it's up to the judges.
Believe me, I'd hate to be
a judge in this contest.
Girls, the finalists are:
Miss Boston.
Philadelphia, New Jersey,
Chicago, Manhattan.
Oh!
What do we do now?
The five finalists
in the 1967 Nationals,
and they are,
from the state of New Jersey,
Emory.
From Chicago, Miss Alphonso.
From Manhattan, Miss Crystal.
From Philadelphia, Miss Harlow.
And from Boston, Miss Sonia.
You ready to see them?
Let's open up the curtains
and take a look
at our five finalists
in the 1967 Nationals.
Let's hear it for them,
ladies and gentlemen.
These are our finalists.
Okay, let's look at them
one at a time.
Our first finalist
we're going to look at,
from Boston, Miss Sonia.
Let them have
a good look at you, Miss Sonia.
Our second finalist,
from Philadelphia.
Miss Harlow.
Our third finalist,
from New Jersey,
Miss Emory.
Our fourth finalist,
from Chicago,
Miss Alphonso.
And our fifth
finalist, from Manhattan,
Miss Crystal.
We are going to give you all
and the judges
a closer look at them.
Okay, Crystal, you start it.
Walk right down
into the center aisle
and pose halfway up the runway.
I'm just a woman,
a lonely woman
Waiting on the weary shore
I'm just a woman
that's only human
One you should be sorry for
Woke up this morning
long about dawn
Without a warning,
I found he was gone
Why did he do it,
how could he do it
That's wonderful, darling,
come on back.
He never done it before
Am I blue
Am I blue...
Ain't these tears
in these eyes telling you
Am I blue
Wouldn't you
If each plan with your man
done fell through
Was a time
I was his only one
But now I'm
the sad and lonely one
Lonely
Was I gay
till today
This is the moment
we've all been waiting for.
It looks like Joey has
the final judges' decision.
Here's our fourth runner-up,
Miss Alphonso from Chicago.
Let's hear it for her,
ladies and gentlemen.
Our third runner-up
in the 1967 Nationals,
from Manhattan, Miss Crystal.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's hear it for her.
The third runner-up
in the 1967 Nationals.
Okay, now we're down
to the real nitty-gritty,
and here are
our three finalists.
Come on, kids, come on up here
to the front of the stage
and let the audience
have a good look at you.
Crystal, where are you going?
This is not the time
to show temperament.
Get back here and stay
with the other finalists.
Oh well, you've got
to expect losses.
Okay, we've gotta continue
with the business at hand.
Here it is,
ladies and gentlemen,
the name of the second runner-up
in the 1967 Nationals,
Miss Sonia from Boston.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's hear it for her!
Miss Sonia, second runner-up
in the 1967 Nationals!
We're now at the point for which
everyone has been waiting.
Ladies and gentlemen,
there can only be one queen,
one reigning queen.
That's unfortunate.
Each one of these
marvelous contestants
was certainly a winner
in his own right.
But here is the only winner
in the 1967 Nationals,
that queen which will
reign over America...
Harlow, ladies and gentlemen,
Queen of the 1967 Nationals!
Congratulations.
Love you.
- Do you think she is...
- She is not beautiful,
has no qualifications,
and she's bodiless.
Did you think she deserved it?
Darling, she didn't
- deserve nothing!
- Answer me!
You're not speaking
from the damned camera,
you have a mind!
Do you think she deserved it?
You know she didn't deserve it.
All of 'em,
the judges knew it too.
I could tell by
the smile on their faces,
you know she didn't deserve it.
And her explanation
for why she wanted the money:
to put it in the bank, ha-ha-ha!
She's not getting any money.
Because Sabrina's
not going to pay her.
They're good friends.
It's only publicity,
and it's bad publicity,
for Harlow and all the rest,
'cause I declare that's
one of the uglier people
of the world.
And next time,
she should drop her outfit
off at the cleaners
before she wears it on stage.
She better get the hell
back to Philadelphia,
because she's one of the worst...
In the dressing room.
Where's Miss Sabrina at?
'Cause I'll sue the bitch,
I will sue...
Did you sign the release?
No, I didn't sign any release,
and if she releases
any picture on me,
I will sue the fool.
She won't make money
off of my name, darling.
She can make it off of Harlow
and all the rest of the fools
that will flock to her.
But not Crystal, darling.
Anybody but her.
Fantastique.
You can take all the pictures
you want of me,
but I better not
see 'em on the street,
because it's over.
Get a picture with me and Harlow
and we'll see which is
more beautiful, darling.
- The judges...
- The judges didn't have
any taste, it was with you
that the judges was with,
darling.
You were in it.
It was all week, two weeks...
Monique told me not to come,
that's why Monique
is not here in dress,
because she is one of the...
Monique, darling!
She's a friend of ours!
Monique was not here
as a friend of yours,
she's a friend of mine, darling.
Monique, would you tell her
why you didn't come?
Because she knew
it was fixed for Harlow.
She said, "Crystal, darling,
don't go,
because you're not
going to get it."
And that's why all the
true beauties didn't come.
It's in bad taste
and you're showing your colors,
you should have...
I am doing it bad,
but I've got a...
I have a right
to show my color, darling.
I am beautiful
and I know I'm beautiful.
Don't talk about
she's showing no color.
May I say this to you?
You're taking it
in the wrong way.
Taking the wrong way, shit!
She looked bad!
And no way or what you say
can do about it.
Look at Harlow's outfit.
That is.
Don't bother her,
don't bother her,
it's not Harlow's fault.
It's not her fault.
I know it's not her fault.
Harlow has... she can't help it,
'cause you're beautiful
and you're young.
You deserve to have
the best in life.
But you didn't deserve...
Miss Thing, I don't say
she's not beautiful,
but she wasn't looking
beautiful tonight.
She doesn't equal me...
Look at her makeup.
It's terrible!
- And, and...
- Crystal, wait a minute.
Did you complain to the judges?
No. I wasn't thinking, really.
Why don't you show judges
and complain to them?
But they told me, Sabrina,
that you had it fixed
for Harlow.
Everyone knew about
you having it fixed for Harlow
for weeks and weeks ahead.
Wait a second.
Now, we listened to you,
I listened to every word
you had to say.
Now wait a second, hold it.
There's a party after here.
Every one of the judges
is gonna be there.
You may feel perfectly free,
I'll cart you over myself
and you can talk
to each one of them.
Most of those people,
I never saw before in my life!
I don't know them.
I went down to the Dom one...
Wait a second, dear,
you listen to me.
I went down to the Dom
one night,
trying to influence Mr. Warhol
to come up here as a judge.
We sat down there for two hours
and couldn't even get
an audience with Andy Warhol,
he was running around
in his Factory
making a movie or something.
Everybody goes out!
What'd you say?
Everybody go out,
that's what I said.
Everybody go outside.
Everybody go outside.
Show was over at quarter to,
I just want it out.
Yeah, we're going out right now.
Everybody out, let's go!
Ugh. Wanna get outta here?
Yes, I want you
to come up tonight.
I want you to get up here
as fast as you can, that's all.
Is that your mother?
Okay, then come up tomorrow,
darling.
See you tomorrow.
Okay, honey. No, I won't.
See you tomorrow, okay, darling?
All right, sweetheart,
I love you.
Yes, just come to New York
and come to the apartment
right away.
Are you driving or are you...
All you do is take a cab
to number 5 East 73rd Street
and here we are,
flawless drag queens by the ton.
All right, dear,
see you tomorrow.
- Love you, bye-bye, darling.
- Jack, I need the phone.
What about dinner?
What about dinner?
My name is Jack.
Well, my mother calls me Jack.
Everybody that cares about me
calls me Jack.
That's... that's my name.
But I work under the name
of Sabrina,
and all the queens
all call me Sabrina
whenever I see them.
I go up to this queen
and I say, "What's your name?"
The queen says, "Monique."
And you say,
"That's marvelous, darling,
but what was your name before?"
And the queen will look at you
straight in the eye and say,
"There was no before."
I don't try to compete
with them.
Look, I'm 24 years old,
but in drag
I come on like 110,
and I do this whole
bar mitzvah mother thing.
You know, gaudy gowns and pushy,
but that's a good relationship
with them
because they don't fear me
as competition.
They respect me,
and it's commercial.
All drag queens want is love,
and they try to get that love
by being sexy and beautiful.
For some of them, baby,
they sleep during the day
and they do all their work
at night.
Because they're night people.
They're... some of them
have not experienced
or have ever seen day people,
or worked with day people,
or seen the outside world.
A lot of them know
their street corners,
and their bars,
and their favorite YMCA,
and their favorite bathhouse.
But they're beautiful.
They're, like, in this
fantasy bag, you know?
But who's not in a fantasy bag?
I can't help but feel
a certain responsibility
for Richard,
although I certainly know
I have no responsibility to him.
I first met Richard at one
of my promotional parties.
I just came in in one of
my Alcoa Presents gowns
and went dancing around.
All of a sudden,
there's this little kid
sitting there,
started asking me questions,
and he wanted advice
on drag and everything.
Well, first of all,
I'm not interested
in getting any new recruits
to the drag bag.
All I want to do is sell tickets
for people to come see them,
so I said,
"Look, go get yourself
some barbells and..."
But he wasn't about
to take advice from anybody.
I really don't think Richard
ever needed any advice.
He just sort of had it
all mapped out in front of him.
- Oh!
- Hello.
Jerry from Washington.
Elliot.
- Washington is here.
- Washington is here.
No shit.
- Hello, how are you?
- Okay, baby, how are you?
Where were you calling from
this morning?
Where were you when you left
that phone message,
you called me this morning.
Where did you call me from,
Washington?
- No, I was here.
- You were here in New York?
- Mm-hm.
- Oh, my God.
We called Washington,
we thought you were back there.
I called Washington,
thought you were back there.
No, I don't think the woman
ever understood what I was...
Okay, now, we've got
to check you into the hotel.
In Washington,
you were Miss Universe, right?
Well, in our contest
you won't be Miss Universe.
You'll be part of the... you'll be
Miss Greater Washington.
- Okay?
- Did you fly all the way in,
or did you take a train?
Mary Alice Louise, may I please
speak to the contestant?
- Hi.
- Hi.
You want to take her coat,
Elliot?
You'll check in with Joey...
Joey?
- Joey?
- Yes, dear.
This is my assistant.
Check-in.
- Hi, girls.
- Hello.
- How are you?
- Fine, how are you?
- Hi, how are you?
- Hi, baby.
That's her.
Who is this?
Let her see it first.
No, that's Nicole.
I run these contests
all over America,
from Boston to the Ozarks,
and drag queens
are all the same.
You get them together,
it's like a convention.
As soon as you get out
in the Midwest...
And so when I got in the cab,
he said...
We were talking about the show
and he said to me,
at fi... he said to me,
"You are a woman, aren't you?"
And I... because after
I told him it was
a female impersonation
contest, he said,
"You are a woman, aren't you?"
I says, "No," I said,
"I'm one of the contestants
in the contest."
He goes, "Oh."
He said, "Oh, you certainly
are pretty."
And he said,
"On the other hand,"
which is more, he said,
"I thought the other one
who just got out of the car
was a dyke."
After recess.
Hi.
Hi, Jerry, hi, how are you?
Joey?
This is Jay under New York.
This is... this is Joe Venuti.
- This is Joe Venuti.
- Hi, baby, how are you?
Okay, great, we'd like
to stay here now.
We're gonna check you
into a hotel.
Canelle is your last name,
right?
You'll be checked into a hotel.
He just got in.
I was just gonna call ya.
- Richard?
- Yes.
Would you please get in here
and everyone else?
Joe is in charge of
the entire East Coast contest.
What Joey says is it.
McNamara?
What color hair do you want?
Shut up. Don't start.
Will everybody please
be quiet for a minute?
Yes, would everyone
please be quiet?
Kids, may I have all
of your attention, please?
If you remove a garment,
we must know about it
and we'll have a page there
to take it away from you.
At the front of the stage,
right,
you want to take off the duster.
So, instead of doing
the age-old drag trick
of taking off the duster
and letting it fall,
flop on the floor
as in, would you believe
Cupcake Cassie
has been doing that act
at the Globe for 40 years?
Instead of that,
you take the duster off,
hold the duster behind you
if you want,
or hold it out or something
if you want,
or just take it off
and you put your arm out,
and it's our responsibility
to make sure
your page is there,
and he will be.
That instant there's a page
there to take your duster.
It looks very much gayer for you
and it looks one million times
better to the audience.
And if you don't do it,
the judges will take points off.
Number two, if you are difficult
or uncooperative
in the opinion of all
those people in charge of you,
which I'm sure
none of you will be, but I am
telling you this
so you'll know about it,
you may be dropped
from the contest.
Or if you stay out on stage
longer than the time allotted,
and this you'll learn
in rehearsal.
Yeah, no cruising
in front of Town Hall.
Yes, and you may not bring
numbers to the room
unless you share them
with national academy.
The national academy is me.
I promote and run
the whole shtick.
The point system again:
Five points for walk,
five points for talk,
five for bathing suit,
five for gown,
five for makeup and hairdo,
and ten for beauty.
Shh.
Okay, we've got
these three problems:
Number one, finding a hotel
with 28 empty rooms.
Number two,
finding a hotel hip enough
to let our guys in there.
And, number three, heh,
keeping the guys in.
What are you doing, the bed?
No, I'm looking for a place
to put my wig.
- Can I put it in the closet?
- Put it over there somewhere.
Okay.
Okay, where's the bathroom?
Oh, somebody left their cologne.
Where's the brush?
This thing is a mess,
don't even ask.
Look at this,
it's falling apart.
I'm gonna have to reset it.
- Do you like the color?
- Mm-hm, it's very nice, Jimmy.
Yeah, great.
I love the way you put
your tease up in the back.
Thanks, dear.
Let's look at the gowns.
Let's see your coat,
let's see your cape.
Two bottles of Scotch, please.
And ice. Thank you,
we'll be down for it.
- My gown, I don't know.
- You like it?
- Beautiful, beautiful!
- I made it in one night.
I know.
- Do you like it?
- It's very nice.
It's different.
The color with the black hair
for a change
instead of the frosted hair.
Oh, my gown is all messed up.
I don't know how I'm gonna undo
this.
I'm gonna try it on.
See if it fits all right.
These are the earrings
I want to wear
with the bathing suit, look.
Aren't these pretty?
- I fixed them already.
- What was wrong with it?
- They were just loose.
- Where's the brush?
Yeah, I have a brush in here.
Jimmy, remember that stuff
for the beards.
Remember that stuff
for the beards.
We need that stuff
to cover our beards.
That stuff she told us to get
to cover our beards
so they don't come through
our makeup.
What time is rehearsal tomorrow?
Rehearsals are at two,
Jerry LeRoy Studios.
Are you gonna be able to get
this fuzz out, Frank?
- Yeah, I will.
- Did you put lanolin on it?
I have to get back.
The thing is, you know,
when you're made up,
I want to get an idea
of your... this beard,
if you're not bothered.
All right, but that's good.
Now, wait, there's Eartha
and Josephine Baker
come on like this.
You know the old 1920s
teacup crossing
that we were always carrying on?
Am I blue
Wait, then the pages come back
out with two buckets
of rose petals, right?
And while Minette's sitting up
there totally unbothered,
doesn't even see the queens
crossing in front of her,
she's still singing, these...
The two pages are throwing
rose petals for her.
You're not making dinner.
Always oblivious.
My doll is as dainty
as a sparrow
Her figure is something
to applaud
Where she's narrow,
she's as narrow as an arrow
And she's broad
where a broad
should be broad
101 pounds of fun
That's my little honey bun
Get a load of honey bun
tonight
I'm speaking of
my sweetie pie
Only 60 inches high
Every inch is packed
with dynamite
Her hair is blond and curly
Her curls are hurly-burly
Her lips are pips
I call her hips
"Twirly" and "Whirly"
Oh, she's my baby,
I'm her pap
I'm her booby,
she's my trap
I am caught
'cause I don't want to run
'Cause I'm having
so much fun with honey bun
Believe me, sonny
She's a cookie who can
cook you till you're done
Ain't being funny
Honey, put your money
on my honey bun
With a lot of rehearsal,
I could do it.
You've rehearsed all week.
It's too loud.
Hello.
My, if it isn't Bette Davis.
How are you, my dear?
Bette Davis.
Hell, I haven't seen you
in years.
Bette Davis...
I thought it was
Alfred Hitchcock.
My big, bald head
is showing, y'all.
It's more like Jackie Gleason.
No, this is Ricky's coat.
Isn't it beautiful?
It's glamorous for bed.
You know, they say
that most Negro boys
get bumps on their face
from shaving
'cause when I was working,
they had a magazine,
Ebony, for Negro people
and they have
a special depilatory
especially for the Negro boys
that takes all the hair off
and prevents.
Boy, I was so tired
at those rehearsals
with those heels on, forget it.
Oh, listen,
I got a corn on my toe.
Look at the powder
coming out of my shoe now.
The kids did well with that,
I think.
- What?
- No, I think that
it went pretty smoothly
for tonight
when we go to The Town Hall.
In The Town Hall, yeah.
I'm anxious to see
what it's like.
Well, you know, when we get
to The Town Hall,
that's gonna be our big blow up.
Everybody.
Remember
Miss Monoball Montana.
Flown in under
Miss Barelle's power.
Semi-finalist number three.
Flown in by blackbirds.
Semi-finalist number five.
Semi-finalist number six.
Wait until your numbers
are called.
Wait until I say your number...
Semi-finalist number seven.
The queen of
the 1967 nationals...
that is the queen
who will reign over America
as our winner tonight...
here in New York.
From New York,
Miss Jackie Morrell,
queen of the 1967 nationals.
This is our reigning beauty.
Queen of the 1967 nationals.
That's what it's like,
only it's five times as bad.
Five times as bad.
You don't need these.
Come on, come on.
Oh, I'm a woman!
Can't look anything but.
But why are the titties
all the way down here?
Huh?
Because you're longer
than a woman is.
A woman is not as long,
you know?
Boys are longer, back waisted
and wider, different.
All right, which one...
Is that the other one?
I'll never get into any.
Why can't you make a bikini?
You can come in here, mister.
Oh, wait, don't take
no picture of me in it.
What's the black one for?
Put your arm...
Put your shoulder...
Don't hook the bra.
Okay.
Won't have to wear any bras
with them.
Don't hook the bra.
You have one for
this little boy, right?
- I think these are fantastic.
- It is.
the black.
How many of these do you have?
- I have ten.
- Ten?
Where's the queen in the black?
The nationals!
This is the fabulous nationals.
America's greatest beauties
And here they are
Woo!
Woo!
- Sabrina, Sabrina.
- Oh, why thank you.
Yuck.
Wouldn't this be a hell
of a mess if the draft board
would call us right now
to come down for a physical?
- This is...
- Have you ever been drafted?
This is what I'm wearing
to the draft, boys.
You've already been drafted,
haven't you?
Of course not,
I'm not old enough.
Well, you know,
this friend of mine
went to the draft board.
Well, I was just talking to him
and I said,
"Why haven't you been drafted?"
And he said,
"Well, I have been,"
and I said, "Well,
did you tell them
that you were homosexual?"
He said, "No, they told me."
Oh, my Lord.
They do, they take them
to a psychiatrist.
I interviewed with him,
and he asked me,
he says, "Well,
why are you homosexual,"
and then, I told him that,
you know,
that my mother and my father
made me that way.
And then he asked me
about boys and stuff.
Well, I said,
"Yeah, I like boys."
So, he said, "Next."
I got a letter
from the draft board
stating I come down at 7:00.
I got to the draft board.
They said... I had long, red hair,
so they said, "You really
should have been a girl.
You're... it's too much."
They said, "You can go.
We can't use you."
I said, "Thank you," and I left.
That was it, I went to
Atlantic City, went back home,
and I wrote a long letter
to the president,
stating I wanted
to go into the Army.
I wanted to go not for...
Because I was a homosexual
because there men there.
I wanted to help
protect our country.
Simple as that.
So, I got a letter back
and it stated that
they understood
and that they couldn't
have me in the Army as of yet.
Maybe one day
they'll see things right
and I could get in.
Well, my brother was drafted
and he's gay, too.
He's gay.
Does it run in the family?
Well, he went down,
but he didn't pass his physical
because of his nose.
- Nose?
- He can't breathe too properly.
But I have a friend
and he's gay,
his brother is gay,
and his sister is gay.
I'm proud of what I've got
and I certainly don't
want it whacked off.
Well, having it
showing out of...
- You'd have been a queen.
- I would've been a girl.
Two inches more
and she'd be a king.
And although people think
we may be feminine,
I know... I know I probably
don't look like a girl,
but I may sometimes talk
a little high
or, you know,
a little feminine sometimes.
I think you're all woman.
Well, my, really and truly,
would you like to be
a real girl if you could
have that sex change
if you had the money
or you could get it done free?
Well, I have enough money
to go through the sex change
and I live only 30 miles
from Johns Hopkins,
but it's the last thing
I would want.
I know that I'm a drag queen.
I've been a drag queen
for a long time,
I've been gay for a long time,
but I certainly do not want
to become a girl,
even if I could have a baby.
Do you do bo... are you feminine
in bed or you do both?
Well, my husband
is in the service
and he's in Japan now,
and even if I could
have a child,
I wouldn't want
to have the operation.
But there's just one thing
about being a sex change.
If you're a homosexual
in the first place,
you want a man, you don't want...
You're not interested in girls.
So, if you're a drag queen,
they... they don't want...
Another gay person
is not gonna go,
just like my lover.
He doesn't like me going in drag
for the simple reason
that he doesn't want a girl,
he wants a boy.
He wants me to be more of a boy
than he wants me to be a girl.
But, yet, I want to be a girl,
not sexually, but...
Although I like
to go in drag and all that
and I don't go with girls,
I don't have anything
against girls, but all that...
No, I don't, I really do.
I think it's ridiculous
for some gay boys
that want to hurt girls
and get jealous of 'em,
but that's just ridiculous.
I have respect for everybody.
But even if I could have
a sex change,
I wouldn't have it anyhow.
- Not if it was given?
- No.
My goodness gracious, no.
They don't know anything
about it, do they?
What about... your mother
knows this.
Yeah, but my stepfather doesn't.
My mother and daddy both know.
Yeah, when did yours find out?
Well, about my second husband,
I think.
When I took him home
and he stayed on
for the duration
for about three years,
they finally figured it out.
No, my parents are
very, very wonderful.
They accepted it, my mother
more so than my father.
But Mother said, "Well,
I love you just what you are."
I think it's funny
because I come
from a little, small town,
about 500 people,
and everybody in that town
knew I was gay
from the time I was
five years old on up.
Oh, Lord,
you're so damn obvious.
Well, it was the truth,
and everybody knew it,
and everybody... every woman
in that town says,
"I want my son to grow up
like Jerry Corwin."
Everybody does,
and even the preachers
and everybody thinks
I'm just okay.
I mean, I can go
from house to house,
knock on door to door and...
Well, your personality
makes the difference.
Come to think of it, knock on
door to door, that's kinda silly
'cause I never knocked
in my life.
I just open up and go on in,
holler, "Howdy!"
- How many, 500?
- About 500 people
and 1,440 dogs, coon dogs.
Well, you know, my mother,
she doesn't really accept it.
She just sort of said
that she wouldn't
talk about it anymore.
She really doesn't understand.
Never boast or brag
Should auld acquaintance
be forgot
Keep your eyes on
the grand old flag
Grand old flag
You're a high-flying flag
Forever in peace
may you wave
You're the emblem of
the land I love
The home of the free
and the brave
Every heart beats true
for the red, white, and blue
Where there's never
a boast or brag
Should auld acquaintance
be forgot
Keep your eye on
the grand old flag
Cut!
Don't forget you have to put
the false nails on me.
The metal gate towards the end.
I'll show you tonight
when I take you to rehearsal.
- Oh, uh...
- A clamp.
You have to put a few more here
and then criss-cross...
Criss-cross there.
- The hair?
- Yeah.
Try to center your chorus line.
Try to center your chorus line
because your chorus line
keeps getting over too far.
- You got a comb?
- You'll get a call.
Half-hour, 15 minutes,
five minutes onstage.
Okay?
It's got as many squeaks
as my tits have wrinkles.
And her tits have wrinkles.
They do, look.
Look at the line I got here now.
Yeah, remind me to shadow.
You've got to shadow it, honey.
- Are you uncomfortable?
- No, I'm fine.
Get this shoulder.
- Does that show?
- Yes, it does.
This makeup is fantastic,
I'll tell you.
The only thing is I'm afraid
it's gonna be too red for me.
This is the color I always use,
but it's very red.
Do you think I should use that
on Billy?
How do you think it'll work?
Where is it anyway?
Don't do any experiments on me.
No, dear, use the old shit.
All right.
What's Harlow's problem?
No wig?
All right, see if Kathy
can get this full.
See if I can get it full.
Everybody will give you
a full, honey,
until it's time to give you one.
They give you shit.
I want all them queers
out of my room.
They're all getting out
right now.
You just wait a minute.
I tell her, I'll get a rented,
put on a rent on her.
I did it before to her.
We used to go in drag
splits notice.
In her own hair, like this,
I used to comb it.
355-3481.
I'm in a spot, and it's a matter
of absolute life or death,
Carol,
that I get hold
of a platinum blond full,
and I mean life or death.
For Richard to go out there
tonight on that stage
without a wig
is like sending him out there
without his head.
And I'm desperate,
I am absolutely desperate.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do,
I'm interested in myself
right at this point,
and I don't give a fuck
about anybody to tell the truth.
I'm very much interested
in myself.
An NBW, a natural beauty wonder.
The first contest
Richard ever entered,
the first contest
Richard ever entered, he won.
A lot of these kids
have worked their way up
from, would you believe,
last place
to second, maybe third.
So, they worked for it.
Richie never worked for it.
Went into a contest,
got on stage,
was beautiful,
the crowd cheered,
the kid won.
He never really experienced loss
or anything happening to him.
Goodnight.
- Richard.
- What?
Just relax.
You know what
I've been through today.
Richard, just relax, please.
My stomach is about to bust.
Richard, please relax.
You're acting like a little kid.
Well, that's exactly what I am.
You're not that little, darling.
You've been through
worse than this.
All right, it's a big night,
all you always wanted,
but that doesn't mean anything.
I'm dry.
- Give me enough.
- What?
I says, "Give enough."
We're all washed up, too.
Remember
Well, that's how you're gonna be
out on stage.
I can't see any beard
or anything.
And it doesn't look cakey.
Do you think it looks cakey?
I'm talking about my eyes,
child, those wings.
Hm.
I don't know about the eyes,
I thought you were talking
about your makeup.
No, my eyes, they're terrible.
I like 'em.
- You gotta...
- Okay, you gotta...
oh, God!
Here goes hell.
Oh boy, that's no good?
Agghh!
Then you tape these.
Ooh, you've gotta
shadow my line in.
Don't forget.
- Go ahead.
- Pull it in some.
You got that double tit again.
It's the first time
I've ever taped.
I think I got three of 'em.
Extra points, got three titties.
- Over and over too.
- Uh-huh.
I need you to go out right now
and get me Q-tips
and spirit gum.
I need a fresh bottle
of spirit gum.
- Where's my...
- I need it immediately,
I've no idea, Jim.
I've no idea, find a razor
from somebody else,
I've gotta go.
I put it in here at the house.
Ugh.
Remember, girls,
it's the girl with the poise
who'll get all the boys.
Work that hair.
You gorgeous darling.
What time is it?
Ten.
Uh, you want to talk
to Joe Venuti
or just have him
give me the list, or...
No, I want Joey, I want Joey.
I can't operate without him.
Can't you interweave it?
Oh, I know how to interweave it,
it's very easy,
just tease it up
and mat it through.
But is that always necessary?
Well, she wants it,
she digs it...
It makes the thing
look full, fuller.
That is all right.
You won't really
see it that much,
'cause when I brush it through,
you don't notice it.
It looks good,
but I don't like it with bangs.
It's not sophisticated enough.
I don't think so.
Really. I'm sorry.
I think it looks better
off her face.
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!
Richard, you should see
what that looks like
from the side.
- The worst?
- The worst.
You look like every other
doggone drag queen.
She thinks I'm kidding her!
She looks like everybody else.
- Joe, shut up.
- Well, then take it off!
Wear your hair sprayed back
where you look like
you got a little class!
Where's the wig brace?
Joey, Joey has...
Wig brace.
- Joey's at 11:40.
- Wig brace.
Where's the wig brace?
- It's in here.
- Great.
Get Joe Venuti,
get him over to Town Hall.
If he's not there now, Mother,
I won't remember
one of those names
of the contestants,
and I can't read up there.
That's a girl.
Spread it out
and step up a little.
I was waiting for the snap.
Here, then you walk out,
going in a line,
and then I walk out in front.
Oh, I feel like Maria Bach.
Mother... thank you,
baby, very much.
I need a pound...
I'm 32 and I'm fabulous.
Oh no, get
out, girl.
What happened?
I just popped a button.
It's in the case there.
Where is it? What case?
I gotta turn around
in this damn thing.
Can I turn? No.
Is this the right costume?
Yes, it's the right costume.
Well, I have
the wrong costume on.
Let me. Oh.
You don't ask.
If you listen, you hear.
Excuse me.
Joey...
Joey!
All right!
Get 'em over there.
In this order, in this order.
Boston.
Chicago.
Please get back
so they can line up.
Please.
Brooklyn.
Brooklyn, Brooklyn!
Not yet for her.
Brooklyn, Brooklyn, get here.
Philadelphia.
Come on, get over there.
Brooklyn.
Oh, I don't have the purse.
No, get over here.
You got back on line again,
I missed a girl, right?
You walk out...
and model.
Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
Are you ready
to see our contestants?
Let's open up the curtain
and take a look at our beauties.
Let's hear it for them.
Remember.
Every one of these contestants,
before they came here,
is a winner.
I feel awfully sorry
for the judges tonight.
It's a hell of a responsibility
having to pick out
just one queen
out of all of these
brilliant contestants.
Let's hear it for
Mr. Mario Montez.
Mario? There he is.
Let's hear it for him, come on.
Thank you very much.
You're a hell of a nice guy,
you really are.
There may come a time
when a hard-boiled employer
...are a girl's best friend
There may come a time
when a hard-boiled employer
thinks you're awful nice
But get that ice
or else no dice
He's your guy
when stocks are high
But beware when
they start to descend
It's then that those louses
go back to their spouses
Diamonds are
a girl's best friend
I've heard of affairs
that are strictly platonic
But diamonds are
a girl's best friend
And I think affairs
that you must keep Masonic
Are better bets
if little pets
get big baguettes
Time rolls on
and youth is gone
And you can't...
Bathing suit competition
is the toughest.
It's right down
to the nitty-gritty.
No feathers, nothing, just them.
- You're crazy.
- I know it.
- Straighten your seam.
- My seam?
Yeah.
Oh, it's all the way
around the other side.
Excuse me.
Appreciate it so much,
thank you.
Well, my brother, he would love
to be in the contest too.
And my mother.
They all three,
all of us would have
loved to be in it.
All right, Fairfield,
your first name.
Again, your name.
Sprinkles Marketti.
Stamford.
Alicia.
Chicago.
Boy.
What? Your name, your name.
Oh, Alphonso.
Washington state, your name.
Stephanie.
Baltimore.
You want the whole name
or just the first name?
Whatever name
you use in drag, baby.
Erika.
- Huh?
- Erika.
I need a mirror.
Okay.
Hold it here, girls,
and remember,
these are your lines
to walk in, okay?
And back here, and stay here.
I'm just a woman,
a lonely woman
Waiting on the weary shore
I'm just a woman
that's only human
One you should be sorry for
Woke up this morning
long about dawn
Without a warning,
I found he was gone
Why did he do it,
how could he do it
He never done it before
Am I blue
Am I blue...
Ain't these tears
in these eyes telling you
Am I blue
Wouldn't you
If each plan with your man
done fell through
Was a time
I was his only one
But now I'm
the sad and lonely one
Lonely
Was I gay
till today
Now he's gone
and we're through,
am I blue
Don't ask me am I blue
How come you ask me
am I blue
Ain't these tears
in these eyes
telling a tale to you
How come you ask me
am I blue
Well, wouldn't you be too
Now here's one
of the contestants
that did not choose
to go in the bathing suit.
Rather...
this is very serious business.
Rather, she chose
only to go in the dress...
Gown, please forgive me.
This is Miss Boston,
Massachusetts.
Miss Billie.
Miss Boston, Massachusetts,
Miss Billie.
Let's have some music
for her, Jimmy.
Hi, darling.
And now, it's up to the judges.
Believe me, I'd hate to be
a judge in this contest.
Girls, the finalists are:
Miss Boston.
Philadelphia, New Jersey,
Chicago, Manhattan.
Oh!
What do we do now?
The five finalists
in the 1967 Nationals,
and they are,
from the state of New Jersey,
Emory.
From Chicago, Miss Alphonso.
From Manhattan, Miss Crystal.
From Philadelphia, Miss Harlow.
And from Boston, Miss Sonia.
You ready to see them?
Let's open up the curtains
and take a look
at our five finalists
in the 1967 Nationals.
Let's hear it for them,
ladies and gentlemen.
These are our finalists.
Okay, let's look at them
one at a time.
Our first finalist
we're going to look at,
from Boston, Miss Sonia.
Let them have
a good look at you, Miss Sonia.
Our second finalist,
from Philadelphia.
Miss Harlow.
Our third finalist,
from New Jersey,
Miss Emory.
Our fourth finalist,
from Chicago,
Miss Alphonso.
And our fifth
finalist, from Manhattan,
Miss Crystal.
We are going to give you all
and the judges
a closer look at them.
Okay, Crystal, you start it.
Walk right down
into the center aisle
and pose halfway up the runway.
I'm just a woman,
a lonely woman
Waiting on the weary shore
I'm just a woman
that's only human
One you should be sorry for
Woke up this morning
long about dawn
Without a warning,
I found he was gone
Why did he do it,
how could he do it
That's wonderful, darling,
come on back.
He never done it before
Am I blue
Am I blue...
Ain't these tears
in these eyes telling you
Am I blue
Wouldn't you
If each plan with your man
done fell through
Was a time
I was his only one
But now I'm
the sad and lonely one
Lonely
Was I gay
till today
This is the moment
we've all been waiting for.
It looks like Joey has
the final judges' decision.
Here's our fourth runner-up,
Miss Alphonso from Chicago.
Let's hear it for her,
ladies and gentlemen.
Our third runner-up
in the 1967 Nationals,
from Manhattan, Miss Crystal.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's hear it for her.
The third runner-up
in the 1967 Nationals.
Okay, now we're down
to the real nitty-gritty,
and here are
our three finalists.
Come on, kids, come on up here
to the front of the stage
and let the audience
have a good look at you.
Crystal, where are you going?
This is not the time
to show temperament.
Get back here and stay
with the other finalists.
Oh well, you've got
to expect losses.
Okay, we've gotta continue
with the business at hand.
Here it is,
ladies and gentlemen,
the name of the second runner-up
in the 1967 Nationals,
Miss Sonia from Boston.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's hear it for her!
Miss Sonia, second runner-up
in the 1967 Nationals!
We're now at the point for which
everyone has been waiting.
Ladies and gentlemen,
there can only be one queen,
one reigning queen.
That's unfortunate.
Each one of these
marvelous contestants
was certainly a winner
in his own right.
But here is the only winner
in the 1967 Nationals,
that queen which will
reign over America...
Harlow, ladies and gentlemen,
Queen of the 1967 Nationals!
Congratulations.
Love you.
- Do you think she is...
- She is not beautiful,
has no qualifications,
and she's bodiless.
Did you think she deserved it?
Darling, she didn't
- deserve nothing!
- Answer me!
You're not speaking
from the damned camera,
you have a mind!
Do you think she deserved it?
You know she didn't deserve it.
All of 'em,
the judges knew it too.
I could tell by
the smile on their faces,
you know she didn't deserve it.
And her explanation
for why she wanted the money:
to put it in the bank, ha-ha-ha!
She's not getting any money.
Because Sabrina's
not going to pay her.
They're good friends.
It's only publicity,
and it's bad publicity,
for Harlow and all the rest,
'cause I declare that's
one of the uglier people
of the world.
And next time,
she should drop her outfit
off at the cleaners
before she wears it on stage.
She better get the hell
back to Philadelphia,
because she's one of the worst...
In the dressing room.
Where's Miss Sabrina at?
'Cause I'll sue the bitch,
I will sue...
Did you sign the release?
No, I didn't sign any release,
and if she releases
any picture on me,
I will sue the fool.
She won't make money
off of my name, darling.
She can make it off of Harlow
and all the rest of the fools
that will flock to her.
But not Crystal, darling.
Anybody but her.
Fantastique.
You can take all the pictures
you want of me,
but I better not
see 'em on the street,
because it's over.
Get a picture with me and Harlow
and we'll see which is
more beautiful, darling.
- The judges...
- The judges didn't have
any taste, it was with you
that the judges was with,
darling.
You were in it.
It was all week, two weeks...
Monique told me not to come,
that's why Monique
is not here in dress,
because she is one of the...
Monique, darling!
She's a friend of ours!
Monique was not here
as a friend of yours,
she's a friend of mine, darling.
Monique, would you tell her
why you didn't come?
Because she knew
it was fixed for Harlow.
She said, "Crystal, darling,
don't go,
because you're not
going to get it."
And that's why all the
true beauties didn't come.
It's in bad taste
and you're showing your colors,
you should have...
I am doing it bad,
but I've got a...
I have a right
to show my color, darling.
I am beautiful
and I know I'm beautiful.
Don't talk about
she's showing no color.
May I say this to you?
You're taking it
in the wrong way.
Taking the wrong way, shit!
She looked bad!
And no way or what you say
can do about it.
Look at Harlow's outfit.
That is.
Don't bother her,
don't bother her,
it's not Harlow's fault.
It's not her fault.
I know it's not her fault.
Harlow has... she can't help it,
'cause you're beautiful
and you're young.
You deserve to have
the best in life.
But you didn't deserve...
Miss Thing, I don't say
she's not beautiful,
but she wasn't looking
beautiful tonight.
She doesn't equal me...
Look at her makeup.
It's terrible!
- And, and...
- Crystal, wait a minute.
Did you complain to the judges?
No. I wasn't thinking, really.
Why don't you show judges
and complain to them?
But they told me, Sabrina,
that you had it fixed
for Harlow.
Everyone knew about
you having it fixed for Harlow
for weeks and weeks ahead.
Wait a second.
Now, we listened to you,
I listened to every word
you had to say.
Now wait a second, hold it.
There's a party after here.
Every one of the judges
is gonna be there.
You may feel perfectly free,
I'll cart you over myself
and you can talk
to each one of them.
Most of those people,
I never saw before in my life!
I don't know them.
I went down to the Dom one...
Wait a second, dear,
you listen to me.
I went down to the Dom
one night,
trying to influence Mr. Warhol
to come up here as a judge.
We sat down there for two hours
and couldn't even get
an audience with Andy Warhol,
he was running around
in his Factory
making a movie or something.
Everybody goes out!
What'd you say?
Everybody go out,
that's what I said.
Everybody go outside.
Everybody go outside.
Show was over at quarter to,
I just want it out.
Yeah, we're going out right now.
Everybody out, let's go!
Ugh. Wanna get outta here?