The Sixth Secret (2022) Movie Script
1
[loud piano chord playing]
[rain pattering]
A-- a lion?
In England.
It's Justice.
What?
The-- the lion's name.
Justice.
It was
in the evening paper, sir.
Escaped from the zoo
this morning.
[thunder rumbling]
Justice.
I wonder if those
poor souls would agree.
[sighs] I suppose it's just
one of life's cruel...
Pointless...
Unsolvable secrets.
[upbeat, cacophonic
music playing]
[neon sing buzzing]
[fire crackling]
[thunder rumbling]
[thunder rumbling]
I wouldn't mind one.
One?
I count that number three.
Well, if they keep us waiting
this long, what do you expect?
Well, look at the time.
Madame always appears
six minutes before midnight.
Quite right, your Ladyship.
Why is that?
Waiting for a pumpkin to arrive?
She feels that
the doors to the other side
open only at midnight.
Well, as long as
she keeps the doors
to the liquor cabinet open
I'm not complaining.
Don't be vulgar.
This is a shrine.
-Got a light?
-Terribly sorry.
I'm a committed non-smoker.
As is young
Master Bonpree.
No one seems to have
a match in this place.
[Edwin coughing]
That's a rather
nasty cough you have there.
I just want to get this over
with and get back to my club.
Why then did you
even bother to come?
[scoffs] Oh, no you don't.
I know how these
spiritualists work.
Sending out their spies
to fish for information.
How very vulgar.
I'm dreadfully sorry
once again.
Edwin, please do behave.
And that goes
for you too.
Snooping around
like a shadow.
Oh, don't mind Jenkins.
He's deaf as a post.
You're pulling my leg.
A deaf butler.
What, is there a blind cook
to match? [scoffing]
[Edwin coughing]
In any case,
why shouldn't her ladyship know
the reasons
for your attendance?
She'd have to be a damned
fine spy to know the answer.
To what?
[scoffs] To the question.
"What's the combination?"
The combination?
-To the safe.
-What are you talking about?
Well you see, Edwin inherited
his father's industrial empire.
The problem is
that his secret papers
are locked in a safe
that we can't open.
Oh, got to force it open.
Can't.
As the family solicitor
I've advised against it.
The safe contains
a special mechanism
by which any documents inside
would be destroyed by us
should it be forced open.
My, must be some seriously
dirty linen hidden inside.
Oh, yes. And that's all
you're going to know.
That's more than
I needed to know.
By the way,
I've been meaning to ask.
Who's that doll over there?
[thunder rumbling]
I have no idea.
I hear she's American.
A Miss Daisy.
I loathe Americans.
So vulgar.
Well, I hate to disappoint you,
but I'm one of those
vulgars myself.
-An American?
-As an apple pie.
I have to say,
you hide it well.
Well, as they say,
when in Rome.
And when in London.
-Precisely.
-[both laugh]
London is getting
flooded by Americans.
That, uh-- that lady over there,
Miss-- Miss Mills,
I believe
she's an American too.
An American
she may very well be.
But the lady,
she's Madame Orlofsky's
secretary.
-What a looker.
-Miss Mills?
No, no, no, Miss Daisy.
She will be mine tonight.
I predict that.
-Can you really?
-Yeah, just-- lookie here.
Yes, yes, yes.
I can predict it.
Red means I will be a lover.
Black means
she will be my mistress.
What about the zero?
Zero is marriage,
so very little threat of that
happening.
[fire crackling]
[clock whirring]
There you go.
Next time just consult me.
We should sit
whilst we wait.
Oh, but we can't. Not yet.
Why not?
It's almost midnight.
The Madame insists.
All twelve seats
at the table must be taken.
And there are
only four of us so far.
What are those things?
You'll see.
[lights flickering]
What on earth was that?
The doorbell for the deaf.
You don't say.
So, the butler
really is deaf.
As stone.
Why doesn't she get one
in proper working order?
Man has become
part of the furniture.
I suspect there's
more to their arrangements.
After all,
the rest of him
appears to be
perfectly serviceable.
I hope it's a busload
of American tourists
so we can finally
get this night started.
[Edwin coughing]
[door shutting]
Oh, God.
What are these?
Oh, good, honest,
working people, I suppose.
Don't they know
there's a tradesman's entrance?
[Alfred] Now, now, Madame.
Let's show a little bit of
Christian tolerance, shall we?
I wish Madame Orlofsky
would give separate hours
for lower costs.
I'm sure they're
loaded with matches.
[footsteps echoing]
Ma'am.
[woman sighs]
So nice to see
nice people here.
I guess we's all equal
before sorrow, ain't we?
I feel the bond
between us, I do.
Come along now, dear.
No need to make a spectacle.
[sighs] I thought I'd scream.
[chuckles] Couldn't you have
took it on the chin?
Like a real trooper?
[phone ringing]
Just look at them.
Whatever miserable
little prejudice
clouded their
miserable lives?
Now we need to hear
all about it.
Oh, Lord. What next?
More factory workers
and scrubbing women?
This night might
turn out fun after all.
[thunder rumbling]
Brandy. Quick, I'm frozen.
Well, man, don't just stand
there. Take my coat.
What is the matter
with you?
Get me that brandy.
What, are you
deaf or something?
He is indeed deaf,
my good sir.
[wind howling]
A deaf butler.
Well, I'll be damned.
What a welcome after two hours
of drive through a shit storm.
Please.
I call a spade
a spade, madam.
Want me
to light that for you?
-[lighter clicks]
-No.
Anyway, you can't stay.
-What?
-This is a private gathering.
You must go.
Mr. Arnheim, tell him.
-You see, sir--
-Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I'd like
to see you try.
I guarantee you
all a knockout.
[clears throat]
And you would be?
That's my business
and nobody else's.
I'm just here
for the table tapping.
The sance?
Call it a Sabbath, old gal.
As long as I get some answers.
Wait now.
I need my coat back.
There's something
in my pocket I must have.
Oh, God damn, you're deaf.
Right.
Look, my coat,
must have, bring,
do you understand?
Bring back my coat.
I think
we have a problem, sir.
-I think we do.
-[Worseley] My coat...
-I'm on it.
-[Worseley] ...back.
[footsteps]
I heard
you wanted a brandy, sir.
You heard right, lass.
Unlike that other chap.
I am Madam Orlofsky's
secretary.
You see, our butler
is unfortunately--
Deaf as a door nail,
I hear.
However, you see, sir,
we're fully booked tonight.
-Only invited guests.
-Fully booked?
[scoffs]
What is this, the Savoy Hotel?
There was no mention
of that in the Times.
In the Times?
Madam hasn't advertised
for over a month.
A month,
a year, who cares?
This joint's still open,
ain't it?
This here says sances
every midnight.
There are what,
twelve seats at that table?
I drove
all the way from London.
I'll be damned if I leave here
before I get some answers.
Now look here,
my good man.
[tense music playing]
Don't you
good man me, brother.
You're talking to a middleweight
boxing champion.
I was about to suggest
that you join us.
Miss Mills, will you please
take out the man's coat?
[Edwin coughing]
I say, you better
have a brandy, too.
I'm fine.
[Worseley] Well, well, well.
Well, well, well.
Renaissance tapestry...
Ronisch grand piano.
Hardly looks like a gypsy
fortune teller's den at all.
Madam Orlofsky is no gypsy.
She's Russian aristocracy.
Aren't they all?
I can assure you that everyone
in the better society
has the fullest confidence
in Madame Orlofsky.
Well, what's to say
she hasn't just dressed you up
and paid you
to say that to all her guests?
-Well, I would never.
-But wait a minute.
I've been dealing
with the Russians.
If she's really Rusky,
shouldn't she be called
Orlovska or something?
Your coat, sir.
Wait a minute.
Haven't I seen you
somewhere before?
I don't, uh, think so, sir.
I never forget a face.
It'll come to me.
Well, then.
What do we know about this
here Madame then, eh?
Is she the real deal
or is she just
another fairground swindler?
Don't be vulgar.
Madame is infallible.
I have consulted her
for years.
[scoffs]
And yet still single, eh?
How dare you?
Come now.
Pretty girl like you.
They only have
two questions.
Either how to find a lover
or how to get rid of one.
If you insist
on being vulgar,
I shall ignore you.
[bell ringing]
[thunder rumbling]
[Miss Mills clears throat]
Ladies and gentlemen.
Madame Orlofsky is now ready
to grant you an audience.
[tense music playing]
[nails scraping]
[thunder rumbling]
She's supposed to be
the devil's bride?
[Alfred shushing]
She only comes out
in the darkness.
Her eyes
can't tolerate the light.
[Madame Orlofsky]
There's only seven people.
Eleven were supposed to come.
It's this awful weather, Madame.
There were cancellations.
I must have twelve
people at the table.
Go and fetch
the cook and the driver.
[thunder rumbling]
I welcome you.
It's almost midnight.
Don't we know that?
Please, all of you...
choose a seat
for the sance.
I will take the one seat
that remains vacant.
[eerie music playing]
[thunder rumbling]
See if I can get next
to that Miss Daisy.
No, no, you don't. You won't
be able to concentrate.
[lighter clicking]
-Miss Lexington?
-Telephoned.
Puncture. Won't make it.
Shit.
[thunder rumbling]
[Madame Orlofsky] Sit.
You can leave when
the midnight has chimed.
[metal jingling]
I know not your names
or your questions to me.
Miss Mills handles
all such formalities,
well, of course, with exception
of her ladyship,
who has been
a loyal devotee
to the spiritual
movement for long.
And Mr. Arnheim,
who is indeed my solicitor
and has a right to accompany
his young ward, Mr. Bonpree.
And of course,
my own staff
who is forced to stand in
for the guests
that failed to arrive.
So pretty much everyone.
Not relevant.
It is the stars
that told me
that each one of you
has to come
exactly tonight.
[tense music playing]
Yes. I can feel it.
Tonight's the night.
[metal jingling]
Before the bell chimes
twelve times...
Three secrets
will be revealed at this table.
Yes, three secrets.
-I'm a man.
-[gasps]
All right, then.
Four secrets.
I can see them now.
They are grave secrets.
Hard to hear,
but heard they must be.
We are ready, Madame.
Wait. What does she mean
she's a man?
[Madame Orlofsky] Hush.
We have more important
things to discuss.
Shit. Such a waste.
But before
these secrets are revealed,
there's one
final test for you all.
[Worseley] A test?
I didn't come here
to be tested.
I came here
to test you.
Don't worry.
You have already
performed the test.
You all have.
Now let's see
if you passed it.
There is a goblet of wine
in front of
every one of you.
Oh, that's more like it.
Pull the cloth away.
The spirits have led
each of you to your star sign.
Scorpio.
Capricorn. True.
Virgo. True, as always.
[Worseley] I'll be damned.
Aries.
How could she know
I'd be sitting here?
I know nothing.
It's the spirits.
Well, I hate
to piss on the fire,
but in my case,
it's completely off.
What do you mean?
I mean, it says Libra
but what can one do
when one's a Leo?
But the spirits of Madam
are never wrong, are they?
Okay, I'm out of here,
I knew this is a waste of time.
-Edwin, wait.
-Well, if she can't get
this one right,
why should I trust her?
Edwin, my boy, I don't know
how to tell you this.
Tell me what?
-You are a Libra.
-No, I'm not.
How could you
even say that?
You're my godfather,
for God's sake.
You're my parents
best friend.
Yes, I was and I am.
And that's how I know.
Know what?
What's going on here?
Calm down.
This isn't easy for me. I--
It's been tormenting me
ever since
your father passed on
six months ago.
Oh, my condolences.
Oh, for God's sake.
Just speak, Alfred.
The Bonprees
were not your real parents.
What?
I'm sorry you had
to find out like this.
I was waiting for the right
time or place to tell you.
Of course they're my parents.
I'm their heir.
Yes. The man who loved you
and raised you as a son...
was not
your real father.
Luckily you were too young
to remember your mother.
So...
so I'm not Edwin Bonpree?
Of course you are.
Only not from the start.
One secret
has been revealed.
That was cruel of you,
Madame Orlofsky.
Alfred,
you can't leave it at that.
Tell me
who my real parents are.
The Bonprees were unable
to have children of their own,
but they were reluctant
to adopt publicly
for fear of casting doubt
on the legitimacy of their heir.
So, they went abroad
for a short time,
ostensibly to give
Mrs. Bonpree a rest cure.
And when they returned,
it was with a child.
He looked a little
older than a newborn,
but on your
birth certificate
was stated October 3rd,
as would seem appropriate.
-[loud bang]
-[Worseley] Wait a minute.
Are we obliged
to sit here and listen to the--
your sob story
for the rest of the night?
What about my secrets?
What am I paying for?
No one is obliged
to pay anything.
Besides,
you don't have any secrets.
Don't I now?
Your death wish
is no secret.
It's written all over you
in wet paint.
It smells and sticks to everyone
who comes in contact with you.
-Is that so?
-You drive fast cars
and speedboats
and airplanes while drunk
and act like a daredevil
laughing in the face of death.
But the truth is
behind this mask,
-you're a coward.
-Watch your words, Madame.
You're a coward
who's flirting with suicide
to make others
admire you.
If indeed
you do have a secret
is that you're morbidly
afraid of dying.
-Now listen here.
-You play everything safe
even though
you appear to take risks.
And you're afraid that
someone will realize
that your stunning acts
are just smoke and mirrors
and your death wish
is just a vaudeville act
to make the ladies swoon.
Would a coward do this?
[all gasp]
-[hammer clicking]
-[soft grunt]
You know
as well as I do
that this Russian
roulette of yours
always lands on zero
because the only bullet
in the cylinder
is an empty shell,
like yourself.
Infallible, are you?
Would you be willing
to bet your life on that?
-[all gasp]
-Put that away.
[Madame Orlofsky]
No. Pull the trigger.
I dare you.
Pull it six times in a row.
Then we'll see the truth.
[Worseley breathing shakily]
That's not all, is it?
Yes. I can feel it.
You're afraid
of something else.
You're afraid
that your charade
has attracted
death's attention.
You've seen signs of it
watching you. Waiting.
You have realized
that what began
as a game is now a hunt.
And you're right.
You will not live
to see the dawn.
What?
You heard me.
You will die tonight.
But if you please,
not in my house.
So I suggest
you leave now.
-Leave?
-[Madame Orlofsky] Yes.
We're through with you.
There's nothing more.
I-- I--
I die tonight?
Yes. One way or the other,
that plays no role.
But since we have more important
things to discuss here
Miss Mills
will help you with your coat.
[footsteps]
Let me take this
for you, sir.
[tense music playing]
Wait a minute.
Now I recognize you.
Sir. Let me show you out.
You're...
-You're that--
-Sir.
Sir,
Madame needs to concentrate.
We shall talk outside.
-No! Wait a minute.
-Sir. Sir.
What the hell
is going on here?
-What is this? You're--
-Sir.
[Worseley speaking indistinctly]
-Sir.
-[Worseley panting]
I'll see you
in hell, Madame.
[thunder rumbling]
[Madame Orlofsky] I'd be
thankful for your generous
contribution if you would.
Good evening to you.
[door shutting]
So, that was the--
the third secret.
No, [indistinct].
So, how will he die?
Will he crash his car?
Probably, the way
he has been going.
But not tonight.
You mean he isn't
going to die tonight?
[Madame Orlofsky]
Oh, dear, no.
From what I see,
he unfortunately
still has many
healthy years ahead of him.
So, why then did you
tell him he would?
He was such
an annoying and pompous man
and a solid nonbeliever.
I felt his presence
was blocking my channels.
[loud bang]
What was that?
A car backfiring.
Yes. Yes, my dear.
Nothing to get excited about.
-But it sounded like--
-No, it didn't, my dear.
Now, now, control yourself.
[door creaking]
[footsteps]
[thunder rumbling]
He's gone.
Quite in pieces.
Suits him fine, might temper his
arrogance for a little while.
Edwin, are you all right?
I-- I'm--
News hasn't quite sunk in yet.
Please, we must concentrate.
It's almost midnight
and there's still
a lot to be revealed.
Now, let's join
our fingertips.
Yes, I can feel it.
The spirits
are whispering to me.
They are whispering
a word.
-Mother.
-Oh.
It's me mother!
Uh, who?
Oh, my poor old mother.
Taken from us so suddenly.
We didn't even
have time to say goodbye.
Now she's calling me
from the other side.
It's like
I knew she would.
Oh, no, no.
There is no
poor old mother anywhere.
I mean, your mother
is in a happier place.
But there's a living mother
right here at this table.
The mother
of a young man.
This young man.
-You're not saying that--
-I'm not saying anything
the spirits
don't want me to say.
But on this night
the stars have brought together
at this table the young man
who was adopted
and the woman
who gave him birth.
My mother is here?
In this room?
It was written something
that could only have happened
at this hour,
on this very night
during the great alignment.
-A miracle.
-Madame Orlofsky.
You're not seriously
suggesting that--
Don't look at me.
I've never been
touched by a man.
Then who?
You're...
too old
to be my mother.
And you're...
too young.
And you...
you're much too...
Yes, much too.
And you.
You need a shave.
Madam Orlofsky,
how would any of these women
possibly be Edwin's mother?
But you yourself said
you don't know
who the woman was.
Well, at the time in question
the Bonprees were in Europe.
And I stayed behind in London
to take care of family business.
I'd always assumed from
remarks made at [indistinct]
that Edwin may have been
the son of a Paris street girl.
-Alfred.
-Sorry, Edwin.
That was indiscreet of me.
Please forgive me.
[Madame Orlofsky] Wait.
Paris.
You said Paris?
Yes, the family rented a villa
in Maisons-Laffitte.
I'm seeing things.
It becomes clear to me.
It is the heat
of summer.
Very, very hot.
It was 21 years ago,
wasn't it?
Yes.
Edwin became of age
just one month ago.
The child was bought
for the sum
of 1000 francs.
How could you
possibly know that?
I wired
the money myself.
Then it's all cleared.
The nice English couple.
The cries
of the baby boy
as he's wrenched
from his mother's arms.
And the bitter tears
of that mother
thinking she will never
see her son again.
The tears
I can still taste.
-But you don't mean...
-You?
You are my mother?
I am.
But-- you're what,
100 years old?
I'm 38.
[thunder rumbling]
Let me look at you, my poor son.
After all these years.
But how can this
possibly be?
You must explain.
I knew something
would happen tonight.
The stars
are in a mystical alignment.
But to answer
your question...
I was a young girl of 17,
fleeing the horrors
of the revolution.
The Bolsheviks
had taken everything,
had killed my family.
I fled to Paris,
penniless,
waiting for my fianc
to join me.
And then I learned
that he too has been murdered.
So I was there,
poor, abandoned, with child.
I was desperate.
Until a nice
English couple approached me
and offered
to take my son
and give him everything
he could ever want in life.
My mother.
[clock strikes midnight]
[thunder rumbling]
There. The secrets
have been revealed.
-[indistinct]
-Madame?
Take everyone
to the station.
They can make
the one o'clock train.
I need
to talk to my son.
But-- but Madame,
we've not had our answers yet.
No, we haven't,
have we, Liam?
What about
my poor old mother?
I think you'd prefer
to live without these answers.
But what's
the meaning of this?
I now see
your real motives.
They are illuminated
by the darkness
of your black conscience.
Well, I never--
And your better never again,
or you both will hang.
You mean these two?
Took the old woman
for a ride?
And now, as she has come
back to haunt their dreams,
they want me to make sure
she stays in her grave.
Come now, Liam,
I'm not staying another minute.
[footsteps]
Wha-- what about me?
Oh, my dear...
On the train you meet
a dark and handsome stranger
who shall turn out
to be the love of your life.
[sighs] Finally.
And exact same
goes for you.
[tinkling music playing]
[Alfred chuckles] I'm sorry.
It would seem
the two of you belong together.
Right.
Well, beggars
can't be choosers.
Come on, milady.
I'll make a man
out of you yet.
[Edwin coughing]
I would see a doctor
about that cough.
[coughing continues]
I need a drink.
[loud piano chord playing]
I think you should be sober
to hear what I have to say.
All of this has sobered me
up just fine.
Very well.
I thank the spirits
that led you to me...
before it's too late.
What do you mean
too late?
[Madame Orlofsky]
My poor son.
Our reunion
will be short lived.
I'm not long
for this world.
Don't say that, Madame.
I haven't told you
or in fact anyone
aside from my secretary
and my butler.
But a year ago
my physician gave me
no more than
twelve months to live.
But, Madame,
whatever's the matter with you?
A calling such as mine
takes a toll on the health,
I'm afraid,
I only have weeks left.
Oh. I'm devastated.
[Alfred stutters]
Can't you get
a second opinion?
Excuse me.
Do you require anything else,
Madame, before I depart?
Yes, my dear.
-Some paper and a pen.
-Right away, Madame.
Wait. Why is she leaving?
Doesn't she sleep here?
Especially
if your health is bad.
This is an evil house.
It's haunted
by many restless spirits.
No one can bear
to stay here but Jenkins.
He will drive Miss Mills home
and then return.
And this house
is haunted?
Only I am able
to control the spirits.
Everyone else
are driven mad
by the voices that seem
to whisper right into your ear.
From the floorboards
and from the walls.
Jenkins seem to be immune.
As he's deaf.
[Edwin shudders]
But Madame.
Mother.
You can't be dying.
Not now. Not just--
[Edwin coughing]
My dear, you absolutely
must see my physician.
The way you cough,
I wouldn't want you
to follow me anytime soon.
But you must know I die happy
because I have found you.
Don't talk of death.
Not now when
we've finally been reunited.
It is written.
But there's something
I want to do first.
There's something
I want you to have.
Oh. What is it?
All of this.
This shall be
my legacy to you.
No. No, I can't--
I can't accept that.
[Madame Orlofsky]
Don't be foolish.
Who else I would leave
my earthly possessions to?
It's your late father's fortune,
your birthright.
-Here you are, Madame.
-Thank you, my dear.
Keep an eye
on Jenkin's driving.
He speeds
like a madman.
The night
is full of dangers.
Yes, Madame.
See you in the morning.
Gentlemen.
[footsteps receding]
This paper,
I give it to you, Mr. Arnheim.
You're good
at drawing up last wills.
Here? Now?
[Madame Orlofsky] Yes.
[sighs] I have the feeling...
My heart will not survive
this unexpected happiness.
I want everything
to be taken care of.
So, write.
I, Zena Ivanova,
otherwise known
as Madame Orlofsky,
being of sound mind
hereby bequeath
all my earthly possessions
to my son
who was taken from me at birth,
and thereafter raised
under the name of Edwin Bonpree
and with whom
I have now been reunited.
You will add the rest
of the necessary
formalities yourself.
-Done.
-[Madame Orlofsky] So...
this is a legal document
to prove that Edwin is my son
and will,
as my only living relative,
inherit everything.
It will be once
it's signed by the witnesses.
How many witnesses
are needed?
Normally two.
But since the guests
and the servants have left...
How thoughtless of me.
Can you be
the witnesses?
-You and dear Edwin?
-Anything for you, Mama.
Well, it is unusual
to have the beneficiary
sign the will.
It would indeed confirm
that you acknowledge
Madame Orlofsky as your mother.
And vice versa.
[Edwin stammers]
Fine by me.
[thunder rumbles]
All legal
and indisputable.
[Madame Orlofsky sighs]
I trust, Mr. Arnheim,
that you are willing
to take this document
into your safekeeping?
Yes, that would
probably be wise.
But my dear,
I'm so overwhelmed by our
reunion that I quite forgotten
that you came here
for a reason of your own.
[Edwin chuckles] Oh.
No. It no longer
seems so important.
But it is. Wait.
I'm sensing it.
It's about your father.
The man who died recently,
making you his heir.
Oh, yes. No, there's something
I needed to know.
We must resume
our original positions.
We shall try
to reach him.
Let's form
a spirit triangle.
Picture him
in your mind.
Picture the way
he walks and talks to you.
Try to smell him,
to sense his presence.
-I'm trying to.
-So am I.
There is someone
who is attempting to contact me.
The spirit of a dead man.
Is it my father?
Which one?
Yes, yes.
I can see him.
[wind howling]
[cracking]
What-- what was that?
Sorry, what was what?
I thought I...
[panting] I thought I...
Never mind.
Are you making
contact with my father?
-With Mr. Bonpree?
-[Madame Orlofsky] Yes.
Yes. I can see a man.
A large, stout man.
A master.
That must be him.
[Madame Orlofsky]
Ah, but he's angry.
He's not at peace.
[groaning]
Are you all right?
Oh, God.
What's wrong with her, Alfred?
I believe
she's gone into a trance.
Something doesn't seem right.
Don't like it.
Whatever you do--
don't break the connection.
[Edwin coughing]
[ghostly voice]
Edwin. Edwin.
Fuck!
That's my father.
Oh, my God, it is.
[ghost]
You have betrayed me.
You have shamed me.
-I don't feel so well.
-Keep your hands on the table.
Or else his spirit
will never return to the grave.
[ghost] Edwin.
I know what you have done.
I know
your shameful secret.
Oh, God.
He knows. How can he?
[ghost]
You're a vile creature.
And from beyond the grave,
I will curse you.
-[ghost growling]
-[Edwin coughing]
What have you done?
Now his spirit
will never leave you.
[ghost] You will come
with me tonight.
Tonight.
-[ghost growling]
-[Edwin coughing]
[thunderclap]
[rain pattering]
So?
It's done.
-He's dead.
-Are you sure?
To be honest,
I thought the poor bastard
would kick the bucket
before he signed. [chuckles]
We only made it through
by the skin of our teeth.
[Madame Orlofsky]
Not a moment too soon.
Did you pack that will?
It wouldn't look good
for him to have signed it
on the very day
of his demise.
Of course I did.
I dated it a month prior.
Good.
You can come out now,
Nathan.
[Alfred]
Well played, my dear.
For a moment,
I really did believe
you were seeing things.
At one point, I--
What?
I don't know.
I had a feeling
we really had attracted death.
Well, I was so good,
I fooled myself
into thinking
we are haunted. [chuckles]
[footsteps approaching]
You have made
blunders before,
but this
takes the cake.
You admit a stranger
in here tonight.
Are you an imbecile?
What was I supposed to do?
I expect you
to care of him.
-[thunderclap]
-And the same goes to you.
This bloody Worseley
could have ruined everything.
But you did need
12 guests.
Fortunately,
I don't have to put up
with your incompetence
much longer.
You have been
handsomely paid, so,
farewell and I never want to
hear from you again.
[Miss Mills]
Not so fast, missy.
I think a little
renegotiation is called for.
Who the hell
do you think you are,
to talk to me
in that manner?
Drop the act, sister.
The performance is over.
It was me who saved
your bony ass tonight.
I've been dying
to ask you about that.
How did you pull it off?
It was perfect.
I recognized Worseley
the minute he walked in.
His picture
was in the Police Gazette
a while back.
An ex-boxing champ,
despicable snob,
caused the death of his wife
with his reckless driving
and he's acting suicidal
ever since.
Spending his nights
in the slammer.
When I went
to fetch his coat,
I had Nathan
inform Madame Orlofsky.
And of course,
I went through his pockets.
He had a revolver.
An empty one.
And he's sitting right there,
at that exact spot.
Molly remembered
from the article
that he was an Aries.
So, I put several
Aries cups on the table,
as I had
turned off the lights,
while you all
were concentrated
on Madam's entrance.
Clara then led him
to the right seat, too.
What about Worseley
recognizing you?
Well, we have both been
the featured stars
in the Police Gazette.
[dramatic piano chords]
Aren't you worried about him
coming back
and causing problems?
Oh, he won't be
causing anything,
because he won't be
going anywhere.
Wasn't that his car
we heard backfiring?
That was no car.
You think he was the only one
who had a revolver?
And, thanks to us,
his car is now in the river.
As is the other car
with the rest of the cast.
You don't mean--
Oh, don't be
such a baby in the woods.
We Russians leave
no witnesses behind.
Nathan fixed
the limousine's brakes.
And I gave the driver
a hefty dose of Baronel
in his bendy.
So we sure as hell
are entitled
to an extra bonus
for getting our hands dirty.
-Ain't we, honey?
-That's right.
Of all the ingrates!
It was your cock-up
and I'm not going to
pay for it.
Or maybe you want
the coppers to receive a tip
where the two cars
can be found in the river.
How about that
for gratitude?
So, if you don't want
your next starring role,
be under the gallows,
you walk away and forget
about any idea of blackmail.
Because if I go down,
you all
will go down with me.
[Alfred]
I would listen to her.
So, Nathan,
I suggest you take
this greedy moll of yours
out of my house
before I throw her out.
Come on, honey.
I can't stand the sight
of this bitch a minute longer.
-[door creaks]
-[door slams shut]
The kid was
in worse condition
than I thought.
Usually it takes
about half an hour
for ephedrine to kick in.
Then again,
I slipped him a double dose.
I was hoping
he would kick the bucket
when you're on your way
back to London.
I've got to clean the mess.
Well, it's done now.
So, young master,
there's always a bonus
for the customers,
that make me very,
very rich.
That was secret number five.
Are you awake?
I've been thinking.
Thinking?
About things
we've been discussing lately.
Oh.
You mean money.
Don't make it
sound so vulgar.
[sighs] But I can't help
thinking about money
when I'm all but ruined.
Don't exaggerate.
Your finances
are perfectly fine.
You'll be able
to live comfortably.
I'm not a washer woman...
whose dream
is to live comfortably.
When I grew up,
I had nothing.
And I promised myself
I will get everything.
And I got it.
I will not lose it.
Well, there's always
more money to be married.
Have you any more
aged board members
left on your list?
You snatched up
three of them already.
Yes, you put me up
with them fine.
That I did.
And then,
put them in the ground
equally fine.
Now, Madame,
we in the legal profession
would term
such an insinuation slander.
You know perfectly well
that I had
absolutely nothing to do
with the unfortunate demise
of your last three husbands.
Of course not, my dear.
But I clearly remember
my first wedding,
Don't you?
That would be your first
London wedding,
after you'd run out
of Continental husbands.
[Orlofsky chuckles]
Remember me
in my white lace dress,
wearing the wonderful emeralds
good old Sir Mortimer gave me.
The ring,
the necklace, the earring.
And the first thing
you told me,
when we were dancing
our first waltz.
Remember?
You said...
Madame, do you know
these stones can kill
you without a trace.
Descending
from the skies above
Such an innocent remark
could never be construed
as legal advice.
I was merely
alluding to the facts
of a previous case.
Wonderful detailed facts.
That emerald dust,
when consumed,
will, within weeks,
block one's respiratory tract
and lead to suffocation
and heart failure,
without leaving
the slightest trace
in the body.
Such wonderful details
of a perfect weapon,
told to a young woman,
who has married
an ugly old industrialist
and received
these weary weapons
as a wedding gift.
Pure coincidence.
So it's only fair
that Mortimer got
at least part
of his gift back.
Dissolved in his puddings.
It was worthy of an earring.
And what is the use
of one earring to a lady?
Exactly.
I felt it much better.
suited Sir Lemuel,
internally.
And poor Sir Ivan
the Fourth Baronet.
I agree.
That was particularly
sad case,
because I was rather fond
of the beautiful pendant.
And now,
only the ring remains.
Yes.
I kept it
for a special occasion.
I'm sure,
if you were to agree
to marry me,
that occasion
would present itself.
Don't be daft, darling.
I will never marry you.
You are just
after my money.
Which is dwindling.
But if you would help me
to get rich again,
I would split
my fortune with you.
What fortune
are we talking about?
Mm, the fortune
of about two million,
I think.
That sounds suspiciously
like the Bonpree estate.
Oh, Alfred, think of it.
Wouldn't it be gorgeous
to have all this money?
Think of what
we could do with it.
Now, you do remember me
uttering the name Bonpree?
The only problem is,
that neither you nor I
happen to bear that name.
Which grants access
to that money.
But your ward does.
The last time I checked,
my ward was busy gambling,
drinking and fighting
and not at all
inclined to share
his good fortune with us.
Such an unwise behavior
for a boy
with a heart condition.
You did say he has
a heart condition, didn't you?
I'm not discussing
private affairs
of my clients.
Well, I remember
casually mentioning it
when you told me
he's a spoiled brat,
who treats you like a dog.
Well...
one can't be too picky
about who pays one's bills.
So why not pay them
with his money?
I'm sorry, where is this
conversation heading?
If you're looking
for a fourth husband,
I should warn you,
that Edwin Bonpree
is not of the marrying age.
-He's just a kid.
-And every kid needs a mother.
His mother died
when he was two.
Mrs. Bonpree died,
but not his birth mother.
I seem to have casually
mentioned quite a few things.
You should never
trust a woman
who gives you a wine glass
filled to the brim.
I'll take note of that.
[glass thumps]
However...
that got me thinking.
What if you could get
Master Bonpree
to attend
a sance one night?
Absolutely
out of the question.
He's morbidly afraid
of all things supernatural.
And even if he weren't...
why on earth
would he attend a sance?
I'm sure there's something
he wants to know.
Perhaps something
he'd like to ask
his dear departed father.
Well, there was something
about an unknown
safe combination.
There you go!
He will come
to contact his father
and ask
for the combination.
But you can't give him
the combination, can you?
[Madame Orlofsky]
Don't be so slow, darling.
Of course not.
Because when
the sance is over,
he won't be needing
the combination,
because he'll be dead.
Firstly-- I don't know
what to say, firstly.
How would any of us benefit
from him dying here?
[Madame Orlofsky]
We wouldn't.
Unless, by that time,
he happened to have found
his birth mother.
[Alfred] But I don't know
where she is.
I had always just assumed that
it was the Bonpree gardener
and his wife.
And they're both long dead.
[Madame Orlofsky] Precisely.
But what if his mother
was not the gardener's wife?
What if it was
a young Russian noble woman
fallen on hard times.
What? You?
-You're not even a real Russian.
-[Madame Orlofsky] Who cares?
I could have had
a child 21 years ago
and given him up
for adoption.
Something which you,
in your capacity
as his family's
long serving solicitor,
could confirm.
So you just
invite him over here
and then announce
that you're his mother?
I haven't quite figured out
the storyline yet.
Perhaps his father's spirit
reveals the truth to him.
The spirit of...
It will be Nathan,
of course.
He's very good
at mimicking the voices
through the loudspeaker.
[ghostly voice] Edwin.
Edwin.
He should be.
He was an actor
before he decided
that crime paid better
than Shakespeare.
You'll coach him to speak
like the late Mr. Bonpree.
Give me some dirt
from Edwin's present life.
There must be something
he desperately wants to hide.
[smacks lips] Well...
come to think of it...
he is involved in a somewhat
insalubrious affair.
That's my boy. Who with?
I bet it's a married woman.
-My lips are sealed.
-[gasps] So it's even worse.
[Alfred chuckles]
I know.
It's a married man.
The gardener? The driver?
I am not discussing this.
I'm not even sure that Nathan
is a good enough actor
to convince Edwin
that he is the late
Mr. Bonpree.
[scoffs] Nonsense.
He puts on a star performance
every sance we have.
He pretends to be deaf,
Clara starts
chatting people up.
People don't suspect Nathan,
and he picks up quite a lot.
Clara? Who is this Clara?
Another ex-convict
in your rehabilitation program.
The posh one.
Right. The redhead.
Well, your little
criminal prodigies
have come in handy.
Nathan has this
American broad,
whom he used as a bait.
Hmm, right, Molly Jones.
A bad apple, that one.
But people trust her.
She acts as my secretary.
Even if we could
pull it off,
and I'm not sure
that we can,
do you really think
that Edwin would just
sign over
his fortune to you...
and then die
for your convenience?
Of course not.
I am the one
who will sign
my fortune over to him.
[chuckles] How? Why?
What else
would a dying mother do
for her long lost son?
Oh, dying?
Oh, you have thought
this through.
And if I were to name him
my sole surviving
relative and heir...
Wouldn't that
automatically make me,
as his mother,
the sole beneficiary
in the case
of his death?
You told me he has
no surviving relatives either.
Well...
technically,
you are correct.
But he himself
would need to sign
a document to that effect.
You just get us
in the same room together
and leave the rest to me.
I had time to train.
You just do the groundwork.
There's enough here
to bring down a bull.
That ring
is worth a fortune.
[clicks tongue]
Just an investment
with guaranteed return.
Now, remember,
it must be ground
into fine powder.
Puddings and soups are best
for incorporating the dust.
Well, eggnog is the best,
but I don't feel like
waiting until Christmas.
This will make
five hefty doses.
In a week,
he'll feel out of breath.
Then a cough
will set in.
Normally,
he might last a month,
or a month
and a half, tops.
But if we were to add
this new wonder drug,
ephedrine,
to speed things along...
-Ephedrine?
-A stimulant.
To increase blood pressure
and accelerate heart rate.
Very bad if you have
respiratory problems.
And a ticky ticker,
just like poor Sir Lemuel had.
Oh, Alfred, think of it.
[sighs]
You will be rich, free.
Your own master at last.
Well...
It does sound good
on paper.
You just leave
everything to me, honey.
A lady must have
her secrets.
[sprays]
[loud piano chord plays]
That was secret number five.
Oh, I need a drink. [sighs]
Well,
you've certainly earned one.
[sighs]
How long do you think
before I actually get my money?
I mean, our money.
Oh, well,
that might take some time.
After all,
it is a colossal sum.
I'm thinking of Brazil
or Cuba.
[scoffs] I'm too delicate
for this damp climate.
What about this house?
I'll sell it.
Lock, stock, and barrel.
Can't stand this stuff.
The old mausoleum.
Well, worked fine as a backdrop
for a good old spiritualist
racket, though.
Hmm, well.
I might buy it myself.
[scoffs] You?
You will be boating
on the Riviera in a week.
Oh, no,
it would raise suspicion
if we were both
to disappear at the same time.
We must keep up
appearances.
Well...
I suppose
we better call the police.
Or would it look better
if we called
the ambulance first?
To show we did
everything in our power
to save him.
I suppose so,
but why are we still
sitting here in the dark?
-[creaking]
-[gasps]
What was that? [panting]
What was what?
There is someone
in the house.
Nonsense.
You're just imagining things.
Didn't you hear that?
I heard nothing.
I'm sure
I heard footsteps.
-[creaking]
-There, again.
-Who's there?
-Oh, no. Calm down.
You're on edge.
There's no one here,
but you and I.
If those scavengers
think they can come back
to blackmail me.
-[thump]
-[yelps]
-Alfred!
-What's the matter, dear?
Don't tell me
you didn't see that.
I can't see anything
in this darkness.
Why don't you go
turn on the light?
-[thunderclap]
-[yells]
[screaming]
[intense music plays]
[electric buzzing]
[Edwin coughing]
[Edwin] Oh, bloody hell.
I almost fainted
holding my breath.
The wine must've gone down
the wrong pipe.
[Edwin coughing]
[thunderclap]
[Edwin] Well?
Fried.
Certainly smells like it.
As she should have been
years ago.
That was one
hell of a job,
Molly and Nathan.
Got her just dessert,
she did.
Only glad to lend a hand,
Mr. Arnheim.
Our first loyalty
is always to you, Governor.
I had no doubt about that.
And excellent work
on that light switch.
I unscrewed
the casing earlier
and when I turned off
the lights...
I just sticked it off,
nice and discreet.
I'll wire the money to your
American account tomorrow.
Pleasure doing business
with you, Mr. Arnheim.
We are going to
get married
and buy
a little farm in Ohio.
Oh, that's the spirit.
But before you do,
you need to call the police
and inform them of the tragedy
we just witnessed.
The poor mother electrocuted
in front of her loving son.
And all witnessed
by the family solicitor.
It's what we call
in legal parlance...
an act of God.
And you can't prosecute God,
can you?
[laughing]
-[Miss Mills] Right.
-[laughing]
-Right.
-[laughter]
Time for the last
performance.
[sighs]
Poor stupid Zena.
Always so intelligent
and observant.
Unless blinded
by the brilliance
of her own performance.
[Edwin scoffs]
We should get
that poison ring,
so we don't raise
any more suspicions.
-[thunder rumbling]
-Such a clever device.
I think I'll keep
this one in souvenir.
[clicks tongue]
Always useful
when you have your hand
over someone else's drink.
[loud piano chord plays]
No wonder she didn't notice
you swap our goblets.
I myself
didn't even notice that.
[loud piano chord plays]
You have nifty fingers.
In my profession you must.
Hmm. Oh.
She looks so naked
without her ring.
Perhaps we should return
this one to her.
Nope.
This one will buy me
a Rolls-Royce.
An emerald green one.
[Alfred chuckles]
[scoffs] So, mommy dearest...
was there something
you didn't think of?
[mechanical whirring]
[inhales]
I've been thinking.
Thinking?
Maybe we should rob her.
-[Alfred] Who?
-[Edwin scoffs]
That witch
you've been eating on.
How much did you say
she was worth, exactly?
[paper rustling]
What's it to you?
You just inherited
two million.
Well, that's the thing.
It's all gone.
What do you mean, gone?
I've been having
these gambling debts.
Gambling debts?
Yes, and if one doesn't honor
one's gambling debts,
one is likely
to get rubbed out.
So I honored them.
You had two million
in gambling debts?
Don't be silly.
You know damn well
most of that money
is tied up
in the company.
I couldn't get a penny
without the board's consent.
I barely had
half a million in cash.
Your father has been dead
for three months
and you have
half a million
in gambling debts.
No, no, most of that debt
was from before.
From my time
at boarding school.
[chuckles] Edwin.
I envy your education.
And one has to
keep up appearances
to reassure those,
whom one owes money to.
Spend a penny to save a penny,
as they say.
After these chaps went out
about my inheritance,
I was faced
with a bit of an ultimatum.
I'll be damned.
I should be in charge
of your finances.
I am your financial advisor,
after all.
Yes, and I'm of age now.
Right you are.
It's your duty.
So now, it is your duty
to get me out
of this predicament.
Oh, no.
We need to eliminate
your bad habits.
Starting with
the most expensive ones.
[gasps] Spending less
isn't a solution,
it's a punishment.
I'm perfectly prepared
to get rid of my gambling debts,
but my bad habits...
never.
Well, what is the solution?
I'll split
the money with you.
What money?
Her money, of course.
Which you will receive
after she's dead.
Because you will marry her.
We've been over this, Edwin.
She refuses to marry me.
[clicks tongue]
How could anyone refuse you?
Well, she knows
all men are after her money.
The funny thing is,
she doesn't even know
how much she's worth.
Her hubbies died,
before they had a chance
to give her a tour
of their riches.
You mean the painting?
The stupid woman
doesn't even realize
that she has
an original Da Vinci
on her wall.
Besides, I--
I wouldn't dare marry her.
She is a professional widow.
She's put three husbands
in their graves and...
I taught her how to do it.
So we could rob the painting
and she wouldn't even realize.
Can't you think
any bigger than that?
She has more
than just a painting.
She has stocks
and bonds and properties.
And she knows
absolutely nothing
about the market.
But aren't you
her financial advisor too?
Couldn't you make some of these
stocks and bonds disappear?
Edwin, you disappoint me.
Petty theft? No.
If we go after it...
we go after all of it.
Yes, that's my Alfred. Yes.
Yes, you've got it all
figured out, haven't you?
I can see the cog turning
in that pretty head of yours.
[sighs]
First, we have to do...
is make her...
go after your fortune.
-Isn't she already loaded?
-Well, that's the thing.
I've managed to convince her
that her stocks are falling.
She thinks
her wealth is dwindling
and she can't bear
the thought.
Go on.
But, you see...
I've told her about
your immense inheritance
and she can't get it
out of her head.
I also mentioned
that you have...
An incurable
heart condition, asthma,
and will probably
die very soon.
That really
piqued her interest.
I've also gone to great length
about how much I hate you.
That you are...
A spoiled brat,
fit only for gambling,
drinking and philandering.
A self-centered narcissist,
who always gets his way
and who treats me like a dog.
It's only a matter of days
before she'll bring
the subject up herself.
I've told her that you are...
Morbidly afraid
of death and ghosts
and everything supernatural.
I can hear the wheels whirring
in her little head.
She asked "who would your
fortune go to if you died?"
And I told her you had...
No living relatives
left in the world.
Then, last week,
I made my move
and I told her...
You were actually adopted
and that
your real parents
were the Bonpree gardener
and his wife.
I could almost taste
her excitement.
-[crunching]
-I'm sure she would have
concocted a plan by now.
One that she is convinced
is entirely her own.
[Edwin sighs]
And when's your next
meeting with her?
In one hour.
[claps]
I applaud you, good sir.
[deep breath]
And toast you with champagne.
-[Edwin breathes deeply]
-With the best.
[loud piano chord plays]
So, Mommy dear,
you were wrong.
That was the fifth secret.
[Miss Mills sobbing]
Oh, my God. Please.
There's been a terrible,
horrible, horrible...
That is one
hell of a performance.
-By Jove, it is.
-[Alfred chuckles]
One should pay
good money to watch that.
Oh, but we are.
-Or are we?
-Whatever do you mean?
Nathan behind the wheel
is a disaster
waiting to happen.
Leadfooted driver,
speeding under the influence
on a notoriously
dangerous cliff road.
In a car with no brakes,
in a rainstorm.
I'd say there's a 50-50 chance
that no paying is necessary.
[thunderclap]
Make that 60-40.
Without--
[chuckles]
No, you didn't.
I did,
just after I arrived.
[snaps]
[thud]
-Oh, you're such a ruthless--
-Villain?
-State executor.
-[laughing]
[thunderclap]
[door creaks]
[officer] Sir, sir.
[thunderclap]
Be sure
to drive safely now, sir.
Thank you, officer.
And, once again,
my condolences to you, sir.
-Thank you, officer.
-Thank you.
-Have an excellent evening.
-Thank you, sir. Thank you.
[engine revs]
[thunderclap]
[mysterious music plays]
[Edwin coughing]
You've been practicing
that coughing so thoroughly,
it's become
quite a habit with you, huh?
Oh, I don't know.
I feel the more I cough,
the more something's
stuck in my throat.
I feel like shit.
I'm sure it's nothing
to worry about.
[Edwin sniffs]
Anyway...
that was fun.
Yeah, like an American movie.
[chuckles]
Just arriving
all Solomon serious.
Spiel's crying. Ha-ha!
Yes, me being
interrogated in one room
and you in the other.
Yeah, well, fortunately,
we all saw what happened.
-Nothing to lie about.
-[Edwin] Hmm.
By the way,
why did that police officer
offer you his condolences?
Oh, that.
I'm not sure.
Had something to do
with me being a lawyer, maybe.
Seems a bit
over-ambitious to me.
Right.
Did a good job.
It was
an open and shut case.
Oh, indeed.
Flawless. Yeah.
Almost makes me want to write
a crime novel about it.
Which you will never do.
Of course not, no.
With all this money,
I'll never have to do
a single thing
again in my life.
-[windshield wipers squeak]
-Never again.
Don't you--
don't you mean that "we"
will never have anything
to do with our lives, Edwin?
Yes, well,
I've been thinking.
Well-- well, you've been
doing that quite a lot lately.
Legally speaking,
it's my money, yeah?
My mother
left it to me.
Isn't that so?
Is there something
you'd like to tell me?
I mean,
I think most of that money
should belong to me.
It was basically my idea.
-Now was it?
-[Edwin] Yeah.
Of course, you've been
a great help to me.
But you're a family lawyer.
Isn't that
what you're supposed to be?
A great help?
I-- I-- I put
the idea in your head.
Now, you can't argue
against that.
-I suppose so.
-[Edwin exclaims]
I'm glad you can see
things from my way, yes.
And you'll always
have this position.
All this money,
after all,
bonds and stocks
have to be managed.
-It's a full time job.
-I'm sure it is.
Yeah.
[Edwin coughing]
That sounds positively
morbid, my dear boy.
[Edwin coughing]
Got a handkerchief?
Check the glove compartment.
[coughing]
Oh, shit. Blood.
Oh, you're just over excited.
There's nothing a good night's
sleep wouldn't fix.
[paper rustling]
What?
What does
this Cablegram mean?
Which one?
"Congratulations,
old friend.
Kiss the blushing bride
for me."
[chuckles]
Didn't I tell you?
I-- I got married on Monday.
[chuckles] You--
With?
Madame Orlofsky, of course.
It was the final condition
that I set for killing you.
Oh, don't look at me
like that.
That was your idea,
after all.
But why?
Because we all
loved you, boy.
-[Edwin scoffs]
-[paper rustling]
So--
so you told the truth.
[chuckles] Nothing but
the truth, my dear boy.
Nothing but the truth.
So, you see,
officer, it was to be a--
a family reunion of sorts.
I met my wife
while searching
for the birth mother
of my ward.
He found his mother and I...
I found
the love of my life.
And now...
this tragedy.
I hope the shock won't prove
too violent for the young man.
He's not so Well,
you know?
He has a bad heart,
asthma.
To be honest,
his mother and I were fearing
for the worst.
I feel such
a responsibility for him now,
that I am, legally,
his last living relative
left in the world.
[sighs]
[Edwin coughing]
-[paper rustling]
-[Edwin coughs]
[Edwin]
"One emerald ring duplicate."
[paper rustling]
Is this the lost earring?
Impossible to tell
the difference, isn't it?
So, this is the original...
and this is the copy
and paste?
Ah. Perfect.
Just a small investment
with a guaranteed return.
[loud piano chord plays]
[Edwin coughing]
[gasping for air]
Oh, my heart.
I don't feel--
I don't feel so well.
Are you sure
you changed the goblets?
Did I...
-or did I not?
-[Edwin coughing]
[gasping]
Did I...
or did I not?
[gasping for air]
That is my...
little secret.
[Alfred chuckling
and humming]
-[tires screeching]
-[car crashing]
[loud piano chord playing]
[rain pattering]
A-- a lion?
In England.
It's Justice.
What?
The-- the lion's name.
Justice.
It was
in the evening paper, sir.
Escaped from the zoo
this morning.
[thunder rumbling]
Justice.
I wonder if those
poor souls would agree.
[sighs] I suppose it's just
one of life's cruel...
Pointless...
Unsolvable secrets.
[upbeat, cacophonic
music playing]
[neon sing buzzing]
[fire crackling]
[thunder rumbling]
[thunder rumbling]
I wouldn't mind one.
One?
I count that number three.
Well, if they keep us waiting
this long, what do you expect?
Well, look at the time.
Madame always appears
six minutes before midnight.
Quite right, your Ladyship.
Why is that?
Waiting for a pumpkin to arrive?
She feels that
the doors to the other side
open only at midnight.
Well, as long as
she keeps the doors
to the liquor cabinet open
I'm not complaining.
Don't be vulgar.
This is a shrine.
-Got a light?
-Terribly sorry.
I'm a committed non-smoker.
As is young
Master Bonpree.
No one seems to have
a match in this place.
[Edwin coughing]
That's a rather
nasty cough you have there.
I just want to get this over
with and get back to my club.
Why then did you
even bother to come?
[scoffs] Oh, no you don't.
I know how these
spiritualists work.
Sending out their spies
to fish for information.
How very vulgar.
I'm dreadfully sorry
once again.
Edwin, please do behave.
And that goes
for you too.
Snooping around
like a shadow.
Oh, don't mind Jenkins.
He's deaf as a post.
You're pulling my leg.
A deaf butler.
What, is there a blind cook
to match? [scoffing]
[Edwin coughing]
In any case,
why shouldn't her ladyship know
the reasons
for your attendance?
She'd have to be a damned
fine spy to know the answer.
To what?
[scoffs] To the question.
"What's the combination?"
The combination?
-To the safe.
-What are you talking about?
Well you see, Edwin inherited
his father's industrial empire.
The problem is
that his secret papers
are locked in a safe
that we can't open.
Oh, got to force it open.
Can't.
As the family solicitor
I've advised against it.
The safe contains
a special mechanism
by which any documents inside
would be destroyed by us
should it be forced open.
My, must be some seriously
dirty linen hidden inside.
Oh, yes. And that's all
you're going to know.
That's more than
I needed to know.
By the way,
I've been meaning to ask.
Who's that doll over there?
[thunder rumbling]
I have no idea.
I hear she's American.
A Miss Daisy.
I loathe Americans.
So vulgar.
Well, I hate to disappoint you,
but I'm one of those
vulgars myself.
-An American?
-As an apple pie.
I have to say,
you hide it well.
Well, as they say,
when in Rome.
And when in London.
-Precisely.
-[both laugh]
London is getting
flooded by Americans.
That, uh-- that lady over there,
Miss-- Miss Mills,
I believe
she's an American too.
An American
she may very well be.
But the lady,
she's Madame Orlofsky's
secretary.
-What a looker.
-Miss Mills?
No, no, no, Miss Daisy.
She will be mine tonight.
I predict that.
-Can you really?
-Yeah, just-- lookie here.
Yes, yes, yes.
I can predict it.
Red means I will be a lover.
Black means
she will be my mistress.
What about the zero?
Zero is marriage,
so very little threat of that
happening.
[fire crackling]
[clock whirring]
There you go.
Next time just consult me.
We should sit
whilst we wait.
Oh, but we can't. Not yet.
Why not?
It's almost midnight.
The Madame insists.
All twelve seats
at the table must be taken.
And there are
only four of us so far.
What are those things?
You'll see.
[lights flickering]
What on earth was that?
The doorbell for the deaf.
You don't say.
So, the butler
really is deaf.
As stone.
Why doesn't she get one
in proper working order?
Man has become
part of the furniture.
I suspect there's
more to their arrangements.
After all,
the rest of him
appears to be
perfectly serviceable.
I hope it's a busload
of American tourists
so we can finally
get this night started.
[Edwin coughing]
[door shutting]
Oh, God.
What are these?
Oh, good, honest,
working people, I suppose.
Don't they know
there's a tradesman's entrance?
[Alfred] Now, now, Madame.
Let's show a little bit of
Christian tolerance, shall we?
I wish Madame Orlofsky
would give separate hours
for lower costs.
I'm sure they're
loaded with matches.
[footsteps echoing]
Ma'am.
[woman sighs]
So nice to see
nice people here.
I guess we's all equal
before sorrow, ain't we?
I feel the bond
between us, I do.
Come along now, dear.
No need to make a spectacle.
[sighs] I thought I'd scream.
[chuckles] Couldn't you have
took it on the chin?
Like a real trooper?
[phone ringing]
Just look at them.
Whatever miserable
little prejudice
clouded their
miserable lives?
Now we need to hear
all about it.
Oh, Lord. What next?
More factory workers
and scrubbing women?
This night might
turn out fun after all.
[thunder rumbling]
Brandy. Quick, I'm frozen.
Well, man, don't just stand
there. Take my coat.
What is the matter
with you?
Get me that brandy.
What, are you
deaf or something?
He is indeed deaf,
my good sir.
[wind howling]
A deaf butler.
Well, I'll be damned.
What a welcome after two hours
of drive through a shit storm.
Please.
I call a spade
a spade, madam.
Want me
to light that for you?
-[lighter clicks]
-No.
Anyway, you can't stay.
-What?
-This is a private gathering.
You must go.
Mr. Arnheim, tell him.
-You see, sir--
-Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I'd like
to see you try.
I guarantee you
all a knockout.
[clears throat]
And you would be?
That's my business
and nobody else's.
I'm just here
for the table tapping.
The sance?
Call it a Sabbath, old gal.
As long as I get some answers.
Wait now.
I need my coat back.
There's something
in my pocket I must have.
Oh, God damn, you're deaf.
Right.
Look, my coat,
must have, bring,
do you understand?
Bring back my coat.
I think
we have a problem, sir.
-I think we do.
-[Worseley] My coat...
-I'm on it.
-[Worseley] ...back.
[footsteps]
I heard
you wanted a brandy, sir.
You heard right, lass.
Unlike that other chap.
I am Madam Orlofsky's
secretary.
You see, our butler
is unfortunately--
Deaf as a door nail,
I hear.
However, you see, sir,
we're fully booked tonight.
-Only invited guests.
-Fully booked?
[scoffs]
What is this, the Savoy Hotel?
There was no mention
of that in the Times.
In the Times?
Madam hasn't advertised
for over a month.
A month,
a year, who cares?
This joint's still open,
ain't it?
This here says sances
every midnight.
There are what,
twelve seats at that table?
I drove
all the way from London.
I'll be damned if I leave here
before I get some answers.
Now look here,
my good man.
[tense music playing]
Don't you
good man me, brother.
You're talking to a middleweight
boxing champion.
I was about to suggest
that you join us.
Miss Mills, will you please
take out the man's coat?
[Edwin coughing]
I say, you better
have a brandy, too.
I'm fine.
[Worseley] Well, well, well.
Well, well, well.
Renaissance tapestry...
Ronisch grand piano.
Hardly looks like a gypsy
fortune teller's den at all.
Madam Orlofsky is no gypsy.
She's Russian aristocracy.
Aren't they all?
I can assure you that everyone
in the better society
has the fullest confidence
in Madame Orlofsky.
Well, what's to say
she hasn't just dressed you up
and paid you
to say that to all her guests?
-Well, I would never.
-But wait a minute.
I've been dealing
with the Russians.
If she's really Rusky,
shouldn't she be called
Orlovska or something?
Your coat, sir.
Wait a minute.
Haven't I seen you
somewhere before?
I don't, uh, think so, sir.
I never forget a face.
It'll come to me.
Well, then.
What do we know about this
here Madame then, eh?
Is she the real deal
or is she just
another fairground swindler?
Don't be vulgar.
Madame is infallible.
I have consulted her
for years.
[scoffs]
And yet still single, eh?
How dare you?
Come now.
Pretty girl like you.
They only have
two questions.
Either how to find a lover
or how to get rid of one.
If you insist
on being vulgar,
I shall ignore you.
[bell ringing]
[thunder rumbling]
[Miss Mills clears throat]
Ladies and gentlemen.
Madame Orlofsky is now ready
to grant you an audience.
[tense music playing]
[nails scraping]
[thunder rumbling]
She's supposed to be
the devil's bride?
[Alfred shushing]
She only comes out
in the darkness.
Her eyes
can't tolerate the light.
[Madame Orlofsky]
There's only seven people.
Eleven were supposed to come.
It's this awful weather, Madame.
There were cancellations.
I must have twelve
people at the table.
Go and fetch
the cook and the driver.
[thunder rumbling]
I welcome you.
It's almost midnight.
Don't we know that?
Please, all of you...
choose a seat
for the sance.
I will take the one seat
that remains vacant.
[eerie music playing]
[thunder rumbling]
See if I can get next
to that Miss Daisy.
No, no, you don't. You won't
be able to concentrate.
[lighter clicking]
-Miss Lexington?
-Telephoned.
Puncture. Won't make it.
Shit.
[thunder rumbling]
[Madame Orlofsky] Sit.
You can leave when
the midnight has chimed.
[metal jingling]
I know not your names
or your questions to me.
Miss Mills handles
all such formalities,
well, of course, with exception
of her ladyship,
who has been
a loyal devotee
to the spiritual
movement for long.
And Mr. Arnheim,
who is indeed my solicitor
and has a right to accompany
his young ward, Mr. Bonpree.
And of course,
my own staff
who is forced to stand in
for the guests
that failed to arrive.
So pretty much everyone.
Not relevant.
It is the stars
that told me
that each one of you
has to come
exactly tonight.
[tense music playing]
Yes. I can feel it.
Tonight's the night.
[metal jingling]
Before the bell chimes
twelve times...
Three secrets
will be revealed at this table.
Yes, three secrets.
-I'm a man.
-[gasps]
All right, then.
Four secrets.
I can see them now.
They are grave secrets.
Hard to hear,
but heard they must be.
We are ready, Madame.
Wait. What does she mean
she's a man?
[Madame Orlofsky] Hush.
We have more important
things to discuss.
Shit. Such a waste.
But before
these secrets are revealed,
there's one
final test for you all.
[Worseley] A test?
I didn't come here
to be tested.
I came here
to test you.
Don't worry.
You have already
performed the test.
You all have.
Now let's see
if you passed it.
There is a goblet of wine
in front of
every one of you.
Oh, that's more like it.
Pull the cloth away.
The spirits have led
each of you to your star sign.
Scorpio.
Capricorn. True.
Virgo. True, as always.
[Worseley] I'll be damned.
Aries.
How could she know
I'd be sitting here?
I know nothing.
It's the spirits.
Well, I hate
to piss on the fire,
but in my case,
it's completely off.
What do you mean?
I mean, it says Libra
but what can one do
when one's a Leo?
But the spirits of Madam
are never wrong, are they?
Okay, I'm out of here,
I knew this is a waste of time.
-Edwin, wait.
-Well, if she can't get
this one right,
why should I trust her?
Edwin, my boy, I don't know
how to tell you this.
Tell me what?
-You are a Libra.
-No, I'm not.
How could you
even say that?
You're my godfather,
for God's sake.
You're my parents
best friend.
Yes, I was and I am.
And that's how I know.
Know what?
What's going on here?
Calm down.
This isn't easy for me. I--
It's been tormenting me
ever since
your father passed on
six months ago.
Oh, my condolences.
Oh, for God's sake.
Just speak, Alfred.
The Bonprees
were not your real parents.
What?
I'm sorry you had
to find out like this.
I was waiting for the right
time or place to tell you.
Of course they're my parents.
I'm their heir.
Yes. The man who loved you
and raised you as a son...
was not
your real father.
Luckily you were too young
to remember your mother.
So...
so I'm not Edwin Bonpree?
Of course you are.
Only not from the start.
One secret
has been revealed.
That was cruel of you,
Madame Orlofsky.
Alfred,
you can't leave it at that.
Tell me
who my real parents are.
The Bonprees were unable
to have children of their own,
but they were reluctant
to adopt publicly
for fear of casting doubt
on the legitimacy of their heir.
So, they went abroad
for a short time,
ostensibly to give
Mrs. Bonpree a rest cure.
And when they returned,
it was with a child.
He looked a little
older than a newborn,
but on your
birth certificate
was stated October 3rd,
as would seem appropriate.
-[loud bang]
-[Worseley] Wait a minute.
Are we obliged
to sit here and listen to the--
your sob story
for the rest of the night?
What about my secrets?
What am I paying for?
No one is obliged
to pay anything.
Besides,
you don't have any secrets.
Don't I now?
Your death wish
is no secret.
It's written all over you
in wet paint.
It smells and sticks to everyone
who comes in contact with you.
-Is that so?
-You drive fast cars
and speedboats
and airplanes while drunk
and act like a daredevil
laughing in the face of death.
But the truth is
behind this mask,
-you're a coward.
-Watch your words, Madame.
You're a coward
who's flirting with suicide
to make others
admire you.
If indeed
you do have a secret
is that you're morbidly
afraid of dying.
-Now listen here.
-You play everything safe
even though
you appear to take risks.
And you're afraid that
someone will realize
that your stunning acts
are just smoke and mirrors
and your death wish
is just a vaudeville act
to make the ladies swoon.
Would a coward do this?
[all gasp]
-[hammer clicking]
-[soft grunt]
You know
as well as I do
that this Russian
roulette of yours
always lands on zero
because the only bullet
in the cylinder
is an empty shell,
like yourself.
Infallible, are you?
Would you be willing
to bet your life on that?
-[all gasp]
-Put that away.
[Madame Orlofsky]
No. Pull the trigger.
I dare you.
Pull it six times in a row.
Then we'll see the truth.
[Worseley breathing shakily]
That's not all, is it?
Yes. I can feel it.
You're afraid
of something else.
You're afraid
that your charade
has attracted
death's attention.
You've seen signs of it
watching you. Waiting.
You have realized
that what began
as a game is now a hunt.
And you're right.
You will not live
to see the dawn.
What?
You heard me.
You will die tonight.
But if you please,
not in my house.
So I suggest
you leave now.
-Leave?
-[Madame Orlofsky] Yes.
We're through with you.
There's nothing more.
I-- I--
I die tonight?
Yes. One way or the other,
that plays no role.
But since we have more important
things to discuss here
Miss Mills
will help you with your coat.
[footsteps]
Let me take this
for you, sir.
[tense music playing]
Wait a minute.
Now I recognize you.
Sir. Let me show you out.
You're...
-You're that--
-Sir.
Sir,
Madame needs to concentrate.
We shall talk outside.
-No! Wait a minute.
-Sir. Sir.
What the hell
is going on here?
-What is this? You're--
-Sir.
[Worseley speaking indistinctly]
-Sir.
-[Worseley panting]
I'll see you
in hell, Madame.
[thunder rumbling]
[Madame Orlofsky] I'd be
thankful for your generous
contribution if you would.
Good evening to you.
[door shutting]
So, that was the--
the third secret.
No, [indistinct].
So, how will he die?
Will he crash his car?
Probably, the way
he has been going.
But not tonight.
You mean he isn't
going to die tonight?
[Madame Orlofsky]
Oh, dear, no.
From what I see,
he unfortunately
still has many
healthy years ahead of him.
So, why then did you
tell him he would?
He was such
an annoying and pompous man
and a solid nonbeliever.
I felt his presence
was blocking my channels.
[loud bang]
What was that?
A car backfiring.
Yes. Yes, my dear.
Nothing to get excited about.
-But it sounded like--
-No, it didn't, my dear.
Now, now, control yourself.
[door creaking]
[footsteps]
[thunder rumbling]
He's gone.
Quite in pieces.
Suits him fine, might temper his
arrogance for a little while.
Edwin, are you all right?
I-- I'm--
News hasn't quite sunk in yet.
Please, we must concentrate.
It's almost midnight
and there's still
a lot to be revealed.
Now, let's join
our fingertips.
Yes, I can feel it.
The spirits
are whispering to me.
They are whispering
a word.
-Mother.
-Oh.
It's me mother!
Uh, who?
Oh, my poor old mother.
Taken from us so suddenly.
We didn't even
have time to say goodbye.
Now she's calling me
from the other side.
It's like
I knew she would.
Oh, no, no.
There is no
poor old mother anywhere.
I mean, your mother
is in a happier place.
But there's a living mother
right here at this table.
The mother
of a young man.
This young man.
-You're not saying that--
-I'm not saying anything
the spirits
don't want me to say.
But on this night
the stars have brought together
at this table the young man
who was adopted
and the woman
who gave him birth.
My mother is here?
In this room?
It was written something
that could only have happened
at this hour,
on this very night
during the great alignment.
-A miracle.
-Madame Orlofsky.
You're not seriously
suggesting that--
Don't look at me.
I've never been
touched by a man.
Then who?
You're...
too old
to be my mother.
And you're...
too young.
And you...
you're much too...
Yes, much too.
And you.
You need a shave.
Madam Orlofsky,
how would any of these women
possibly be Edwin's mother?
But you yourself said
you don't know
who the woman was.
Well, at the time in question
the Bonprees were in Europe.
And I stayed behind in London
to take care of family business.
I'd always assumed from
remarks made at [indistinct]
that Edwin may have been
the son of a Paris street girl.
-Alfred.
-Sorry, Edwin.
That was indiscreet of me.
Please forgive me.
[Madame Orlofsky] Wait.
Paris.
You said Paris?
Yes, the family rented a villa
in Maisons-Laffitte.
I'm seeing things.
It becomes clear to me.
It is the heat
of summer.
Very, very hot.
It was 21 years ago,
wasn't it?
Yes.
Edwin became of age
just one month ago.
The child was bought
for the sum
of 1000 francs.
How could you
possibly know that?
I wired
the money myself.
Then it's all cleared.
The nice English couple.
The cries
of the baby boy
as he's wrenched
from his mother's arms.
And the bitter tears
of that mother
thinking she will never
see her son again.
The tears
I can still taste.
-But you don't mean...
-You?
You are my mother?
I am.
But-- you're what,
100 years old?
I'm 38.
[thunder rumbling]
Let me look at you, my poor son.
After all these years.
But how can this
possibly be?
You must explain.
I knew something
would happen tonight.
The stars
are in a mystical alignment.
But to answer
your question...
I was a young girl of 17,
fleeing the horrors
of the revolution.
The Bolsheviks
had taken everything,
had killed my family.
I fled to Paris,
penniless,
waiting for my fianc
to join me.
And then I learned
that he too has been murdered.
So I was there,
poor, abandoned, with child.
I was desperate.
Until a nice
English couple approached me
and offered
to take my son
and give him everything
he could ever want in life.
My mother.
[clock strikes midnight]
[thunder rumbling]
There. The secrets
have been revealed.
-[indistinct]
-Madame?
Take everyone
to the station.
They can make
the one o'clock train.
I need
to talk to my son.
But-- but Madame,
we've not had our answers yet.
No, we haven't,
have we, Liam?
What about
my poor old mother?
I think you'd prefer
to live without these answers.
But what's
the meaning of this?
I now see
your real motives.
They are illuminated
by the darkness
of your black conscience.
Well, I never--
And your better never again,
or you both will hang.
You mean these two?
Took the old woman
for a ride?
And now, as she has come
back to haunt their dreams,
they want me to make sure
she stays in her grave.
Come now, Liam,
I'm not staying another minute.
[footsteps]
Wha-- what about me?
Oh, my dear...
On the train you meet
a dark and handsome stranger
who shall turn out
to be the love of your life.
[sighs] Finally.
And exact same
goes for you.
[tinkling music playing]
[Alfred chuckles] I'm sorry.
It would seem
the two of you belong together.
Right.
Well, beggars
can't be choosers.
Come on, milady.
I'll make a man
out of you yet.
[Edwin coughing]
I would see a doctor
about that cough.
[coughing continues]
I need a drink.
[loud piano chord playing]
I think you should be sober
to hear what I have to say.
All of this has sobered me
up just fine.
Very well.
I thank the spirits
that led you to me...
before it's too late.
What do you mean
too late?
[Madame Orlofsky]
My poor son.
Our reunion
will be short lived.
I'm not long
for this world.
Don't say that, Madame.
I haven't told you
or in fact anyone
aside from my secretary
and my butler.
But a year ago
my physician gave me
no more than
twelve months to live.
But, Madame,
whatever's the matter with you?
A calling such as mine
takes a toll on the health,
I'm afraid,
I only have weeks left.
Oh. I'm devastated.
[Alfred stutters]
Can't you get
a second opinion?
Excuse me.
Do you require anything else,
Madame, before I depart?
Yes, my dear.
-Some paper and a pen.
-Right away, Madame.
Wait. Why is she leaving?
Doesn't she sleep here?
Especially
if your health is bad.
This is an evil house.
It's haunted
by many restless spirits.
No one can bear
to stay here but Jenkins.
He will drive Miss Mills home
and then return.
And this house
is haunted?
Only I am able
to control the spirits.
Everyone else
are driven mad
by the voices that seem
to whisper right into your ear.
From the floorboards
and from the walls.
Jenkins seem to be immune.
As he's deaf.
[Edwin shudders]
But Madame.
Mother.
You can't be dying.
Not now. Not just--
[Edwin coughing]
My dear, you absolutely
must see my physician.
The way you cough,
I wouldn't want you
to follow me anytime soon.
But you must know I die happy
because I have found you.
Don't talk of death.
Not now when
we've finally been reunited.
It is written.
But there's something
I want to do first.
There's something
I want you to have.
Oh. What is it?
All of this.
This shall be
my legacy to you.
No. No, I can't--
I can't accept that.
[Madame Orlofsky]
Don't be foolish.
Who else I would leave
my earthly possessions to?
It's your late father's fortune,
your birthright.
-Here you are, Madame.
-Thank you, my dear.
Keep an eye
on Jenkin's driving.
He speeds
like a madman.
The night
is full of dangers.
Yes, Madame.
See you in the morning.
Gentlemen.
[footsteps receding]
This paper,
I give it to you, Mr. Arnheim.
You're good
at drawing up last wills.
Here? Now?
[Madame Orlofsky] Yes.
[sighs] I have the feeling...
My heart will not survive
this unexpected happiness.
I want everything
to be taken care of.
So, write.
I, Zena Ivanova,
otherwise known
as Madame Orlofsky,
being of sound mind
hereby bequeath
all my earthly possessions
to my son
who was taken from me at birth,
and thereafter raised
under the name of Edwin Bonpree
and with whom
I have now been reunited.
You will add the rest
of the necessary
formalities yourself.
-Done.
-[Madame Orlofsky] So...
this is a legal document
to prove that Edwin is my son
and will,
as my only living relative,
inherit everything.
It will be once
it's signed by the witnesses.
How many witnesses
are needed?
Normally two.
But since the guests
and the servants have left...
How thoughtless of me.
Can you be
the witnesses?
-You and dear Edwin?
-Anything for you, Mama.
Well, it is unusual
to have the beneficiary
sign the will.
It would indeed confirm
that you acknowledge
Madame Orlofsky as your mother.
And vice versa.
[Edwin stammers]
Fine by me.
[thunder rumbles]
All legal
and indisputable.
[Madame Orlofsky sighs]
I trust, Mr. Arnheim,
that you are willing
to take this document
into your safekeeping?
Yes, that would
probably be wise.
But my dear,
I'm so overwhelmed by our
reunion that I quite forgotten
that you came here
for a reason of your own.
[Edwin chuckles] Oh.
No. It no longer
seems so important.
But it is. Wait.
I'm sensing it.
It's about your father.
The man who died recently,
making you his heir.
Oh, yes. No, there's something
I needed to know.
We must resume
our original positions.
We shall try
to reach him.
Let's form
a spirit triangle.
Picture him
in your mind.
Picture the way
he walks and talks to you.
Try to smell him,
to sense his presence.
-I'm trying to.
-So am I.
There is someone
who is attempting to contact me.
The spirit of a dead man.
Is it my father?
Which one?
Yes, yes.
I can see him.
[wind howling]
[cracking]
What-- what was that?
Sorry, what was what?
I thought I...
[panting] I thought I...
Never mind.
Are you making
contact with my father?
-With Mr. Bonpree?
-[Madame Orlofsky] Yes.
Yes. I can see a man.
A large, stout man.
A master.
That must be him.
[Madame Orlofsky]
Ah, but he's angry.
He's not at peace.
[groaning]
Are you all right?
Oh, God.
What's wrong with her, Alfred?
I believe
she's gone into a trance.
Something doesn't seem right.
Don't like it.
Whatever you do--
don't break the connection.
[Edwin coughing]
[ghostly voice]
Edwin. Edwin.
Fuck!
That's my father.
Oh, my God, it is.
[ghost]
You have betrayed me.
You have shamed me.
-I don't feel so well.
-Keep your hands on the table.
Or else his spirit
will never return to the grave.
[ghost] Edwin.
I know what you have done.
I know
your shameful secret.
Oh, God.
He knows. How can he?
[ghost]
You're a vile creature.
And from beyond the grave,
I will curse you.
-[ghost growling]
-[Edwin coughing]
What have you done?
Now his spirit
will never leave you.
[ghost] You will come
with me tonight.
Tonight.
-[ghost growling]
-[Edwin coughing]
[thunderclap]
[rain pattering]
So?
It's done.
-He's dead.
-Are you sure?
To be honest,
I thought the poor bastard
would kick the bucket
before he signed. [chuckles]
We only made it through
by the skin of our teeth.
[Madame Orlofsky]
Not a moment too soon.
Did you pack that will?
It wouldn't look good
for him to have signed it
on the very day
of his demise.
Of course I did.
I dated it a month prior.
Good.
You can come out now,
Nathan.
[Alfred]
Well played, my dear.
For a moment,
I really did believe
you were seeing things.
At one point, I--
What?
I don't know.
I had a feeling
we really had attracted death.
Well, I was so good,
I fooled myself
into thinking
we are haunted. [chuckles]
[footsteps approaching]
You have made
blunders before,
but this
takes the cake.
You admit a stranger
in here tonight.
Are you an imbecile?
What was I supposed to do?
I expect you
to care of him.
-[thunderclap]
-And the same goes to you.
This bloody Worseley
could have ruined everything.
But you did need
12 guests.
Fortunately,
I don't have to put up
with your incompetence
much longer.
You have been
handsomely paid, so,
farewell and I never want to
hear from you again.
[Miss Mills]
Not so fast, missy.
I think a little
renegotiation is called for.
Who the hell
do you think you are,
to talk to me
in that manner?
Drop the act, sister.
The performance is over.
It was me who saved
your bony ass tonight.
I've been dying
to ask you about that.
How did you pull it off?
It was perfect.
I recognized Worseley
the minute he walked in.
His picture
was in the Police Gazette
a while back.
An ex-boxing champ,
despicable snob,
caused the death of his wife
with his reckless driving
and he's acting suicidal
ever since.
Spending his nights
in the slammer.
When I went
to fetch his coat,
I had Nathan
inform Madame Orlofsky.
And of course,
I went through his pockets.
He had a revolver.
An empty one.
And he's sitting right there,
at that exact spot.
Molly remembered
from the article
that he was an Aries.
So, I put several
Aries cups on the table,
as I had
turned off the lights,
while you all
were concentrated
on Madam's entrance.
Clara then led him
to the right seat, too.
What about Worseley
recognizing you?
Well, we have both been
the featured stars
in the Police Gazette.
[dramatic piano chords]
Aren't you worried about him
coming back
and causing problems?
Oh, he won't be
causing anything,
because he won't be
going anywhere.
Wasn't that his car
we heard backfiring?
That was no car.
You think he was the only one
who had a revolver?
And, thanks to us,
his car is now in the river.
As is the other car
with the rest of the cast.
You don't mean--
Oh, don't be
such a baby in the woods.
We Russians leave
no witnesses behind.
Nathan fixed
the limousine's brakes.
And I gave the driver
a hefty dose of Baronel
in his bendy.
So we sure as hell
are entitled
to an extra bonus
for getting our hands dirty.
-Ain't we, honey?
-That's right.
Of all the ingrates!
It was your cock-up
and I'm not going to
pay for it.
Or maybe you want
the coppers to receive a tip
where the two cars
can be found in the river.
How about that
for gratitude?
So, if you don't want
your next starring role,
be under the gallows,
you walk away and forget
about any idea of blackmail.
Because if I go down,
you all
will go down with me.
[Alfred]
I would listen to her.
So, Nathan,
I suggest you take
this greedy moll of yours
out of my house
before I throw her out.
Come on, honey.
I can't stand the sight
of this bitch a minute longer.
-[door creaks]
-[door slams shut]
The kid was
in worse condition
than I thought.
Usually it takes
about half an hour
for ephedrine to kick in.
Then again,
I slipped him a double dose.
I was hoping
he would kick the bucket
when you're on your way
back to London.
I've got to clean the mess.
Well, it's done now.
So, young master,
there's always a bonus
for the customers,
that make me very,
very rich.
That was secret number five.
Are you awake?
I've been thinking.
Thinking?
About things
we've been discussing lately.
Oh.
You mean money.
Don't make it
sound so vulgar.
[sighs] But I can't help
thinking about money
when I'm all but ruined.
Don't exaggerate.
Your finances
are perfectly fine.
You'll be able
to live comfortably.
I'm not a washer woman...
whose dream
is to live comfortably.
When I grew up,
I had nothing.
And I promised myself
I will get everything.
And I got it.
I will not lose it.
Well, there's always
more money to be married.
Have you any more
aged board members
left on your list?
You snatched up
three of them already.
Yes, you put me up
with them fine.
That I did.
And then,
put them in the ground
equally fine.
Now, Madame,
we in the legal profession
would term
such an insinuation slander.
You know perfectly well
that I had
absolutely nothing to do
with the unfortunate demise
of your last three husbands.
Of course not, my dear.
But I clearly remember
my first wedding,
Don't you?
That would be your first
London wedding,
after you'd run out
of Continental husbands.
[Orlofsky chuckles]
Remember me
in my white lace dress,
wearing the wonderful emeralds
good old Sir Mortimer gave me.
The ring,
the necklace, the earring.
And the first thing
you told me,
when we were dancing
our first waltz.
Remember?
You said...
Madame, do you know
these stones can kill
you without a trace.
Descending
from the skies above
Such an innocent remark
could never be construed
as legal advice.
I was merely
alluding to the facts
of a previous case.
Wonderful detailed facts.
That emerald dust,
when consumed,
will, within weeks,
block one's respiratory tract
and lead to suffocation
and heart failure,
without leaving
the slightest trace
in the body.
Such wonderful details
of a perfect weapon,
told to a young woman,
who has married
an ugly old industrialist
and received
these weary weapons
as a wedding gift.
Pure coincidence.
So it's only fair
that Mortimer got
at least part
of his gift back.
Dissolved in his puddings.
It was worthy of an earring.
And what is the use
of one earring to a lady?
Exactly.
I felt it much better.
suited Sir Lemuel,
internally.
And poor Sir Ivan
the Fourth Baronet.
I agree.
That was particularly
sad case,
because I was rather fond
of the beautiful pendant.
And now,
only the ring remains.
Yes.
I kept it
for a special occasion.
I'm sure,
if you were to agree
to marry me,
that occasion
would present itself.
Don't be daft, darling.
I will never marry you.
You are just
after my money.
Which is dwindling.
But if you would help me
to get rich again,
I would split
my fortune with you.
What fortune
are we talking about?
Mm, the fortune
of about two million,
I think.
That sounds suspiciously
like the Bonpree estate.
Oh, Alfred, think of it.
Wouldn't it be gorgeous
to have all this money?
Think of what
we could do with it.
Now, you do remember me
uttering the name Bonpree?
The only problem is,
that neither you nor I
happen to bear that name.
Which grants access
to that money.
But your ward does.
The last time I checked,
my ward was busy gambling,
drinking and fighting
and not at all
inclined to share
his good fortune with us.
Such an unwise behavior
for a boy
with a heart condition.
You did say he has
a heart condition, didn't you?
I'm not discussing
private affairs
of my clients.
Well, I remember
casually mentioning it
when you told me
he's a spoiled brat,
who treats you like a dog.
Well...
one can't be too picky
about who pays one's bills.
So why not pay them
with his money?
I'm sorry, where is this
conversation heading?
If you're looking
for a fourth husband,
I should warn you,
that Edwin Bonpree
is not of the marrying age.
-He's just a kid.
-And every kid needs a mother.
His mother died
when he was two.
Mrs. Bonpree died,
but not his birth mother.
I seem to have casually
mentioned quite a few things.
You should never
trust a woman
who gives you a wine glass
filled to the brim.
I'll take note of that.
[glass thumps]
However...
that got me thinking.
What if you could get
Master Bonpree
to attend
a sance one night?
Absolutely
out of the question.
He's morbidly afraid
of all things supernatural.
And even if he weren't...
why on earth
would he attend a sance?
I'm sure there's something
he wants to know.
Perhaps something
he'd like to ask
his dear departed father.
Well, there was something
about an unknown
safe combination.
There you go!
He will come
to contact his father
and ask
for the combination.
But you can't give him
the combination, can you?
[Madame Orlofsky]
Don't be so slow, darling.
Of course not.
Because when
the sance is over,
he won't be needing
the combination,
because he'll be dead.
Firstly-- I don't know
what to say, firstly.
How would any of us benefit
from him dying here?
[Madame Orlofsky]
We wouldn't.
Unless, by that time,
he happened to have found
his birth mother.
[Alfred] But I don't know
where she is.
I had always just assumed that
it was the Bonpree gardener
and his wife.
And they're both long dead.
[Madame Orlofsky] Precisely.
But what if his mother
was not the gardener's wife?
What if it was
a young Russian noble woman
fallen on hard times.
What? You?
-You're not even a real Russian.
-[Madame Orlofsky] Who cares?
I could have had
a child 21 years ago
and given him up
for adoption.
Something which you,
in your capacity
as his family's
long serving solicitor,
could confirm.
So you just
invite him over here
and then announce
that you're his mother?
I haven't quite figured out
the storyline yet.
Perhaps his father's spirit
reveals the truth to him.
The spirit of...
It will be Nathan,
of course.
He's very good
at mimicking the voices
through the loudspeaker.
[ghostly voice] Edwin.
Edwin.
He should be.
He was an actor
before he decided
that crime paid better
than Shakespeare.
You'll coach him to speak
like the late Mr. Bonpree.
Give me some dirt
from Edwin's present life.
There must be something
he desperately wants to hide.
[smacks lips] Well...
come to think of it...
he is involved in a somewhat
insalubrious affair.
That's my boy. Who with?
I bet it's a married woman.
-My lips are sealed.
-[gasps] So it's even worse.
[Alfred chuckles]
I know.
It's a married man.
The gardener? The driver?
I am not discussing this.
I'm not even sure that Nathan
is a good enough actor
to convince Edwin
that he is the late
Mr. Bonpree.
[scoffs] Nonsense.
He puts on a star performance
every sance we have.
He pretends to be deaf,
Clara starts
chatting people up.
People don't suspect Nathan,
and he picks up quite a lot.
Clara? Who is this Clara?
Another ex-convict
in your rehabilitation program.
The posh one.
Right. The redhead.
Well, your little
criminal prodigies
have come in handy.
Nathan has this
American broad,
whom he used as a bait.
Hmm, right, Molly Jones.
A bad apple, that one.
But people trust her.
She acts as my secretary.
Even if we could
pull it off,
and I'm not sure
that we can,
do you really think
that Edwin would just
sign over
his fortune to you...
and then die
for your convenience?
Of course not.
I am the one
who will sign
my fortune over to him.
[chuckles] How? Why?
What else
would a dying mother do
for her long lost son?
Oh, dying?
Oh, you have thought
this through.
And if I were to name him
my sole surviving
relative and heir...
Wouldn't that
automatically make me,
as his mother,
the sole beneficiary
in the case
of his death?
You told me he has
no surviving relatives either.
Well...
technically,
you are correct.
But he himself
would need to sign
a document to that effect.
You just get us
in the same room together
and leave the rest to me.
I had time to train.
You just do the groundwork.
There's enough here
to bring down a bull.
That ring
is worth a fortune.
[clicks tongue]
Just an investment
with guaranteed return.
Now, remember,
it must be ground
into fine powder.
Puddings and soups are best
for incorporating the dust.
Well, eggnog is the best,
but I don't feel like
waiting until Christmas.
This will make
five hefty doses.
In a week,
he'll feel out of breath.
Then a cough
will set in.
Normally,
he might last a month,
or a month
and a half, tops.
But if we were to add
this new wonder drug,
ephedrine,
to speed things along...
-Ephedrine?
-A stimulant.
To increase blood pressure
and accelerate heart rate.
Very bad if you have
respiratory problems.
And a ticky ticker,
just like poor Sir Lemuel had.
Oh, Alfred, think of it.
[sighs]
You will be rich, free.
Your own master at last.
Well...
It does sound good
on paper.
You just leave
everything to me, honey.
A lady must have
her secrets.
[sprays]
[loud piano chord plays]
That was secret number five.
Oh, I need a drink. [sighs]
Well,
you've certainly earned one.
[sighs]
How long do you think
before I actually get my money?
I mean, our money.
Oh, well,
that might take some time.
After all,
it is a colossal sum.
I'm thinking of Brazil
or Cuba.
[scoffs] I'm too delicate
for this damp climate.
What about this house?
I'll sell it.
Lock, stock, and barrel.
Can't stand this stuff.
The old mausoleum.
Well, worked fine as a backdrop
for a good old spiritualist
racket, though.
Hmm, well.
I might buy it myself.
[scoffs] You?
You will be boating
on the Riviera in a week.
Oh, no,
it would raise suspicion
if we were both
to disappear at the same time.
We must keep up
appearances.
Well...
I suppose
we better call the police.
Or would it look better
if we called
the ambulance first?
To show we did
everything in our power
to save him.
I suppose so,
but why are we still
sitting here in the dark?
-[creaking]
-[gasps]
What was that? [panting]
What was what?
There is someone
in the house.
Nonsense.
You're just imagining things.
Didn't you hear that?
I heard nothing.
I'm sure
I heard footsteps.
-[creaking]
-There, again.
-Who's there?
-Oh, no. Calm down.
You're on edge.
There's no one here,
but you and I.
If those scavengers
think they can come back
to blackmail me.
-[thump]
-[yelps]
-Alfred!
-What's the matter, dear?
Don't tell me
you didn't see that.
I can't see anything
in this darkness.
Why don't you go
turn on the light?
-[thunderclap]
-[yells]
[screaming]
[intense music plays]
[electric buzzing]
[Edwin coughing]
[Edwin] Oh, bloody hell.
I almost fainted
holding my breath.
The wine must've gone down
the wrong pipe.
[Edwin coughing]
[thunderclap]
[Edwin] Well?
Fried.
Certainly smells like it.
As she should have been
years ago.
That was one
hell of a job,
Molly and Nathan.
Got her just dessert,
she did.
Only glad to lend a hand,
Mr. Arnheim.
Our first loyalty
is always to you, Governor.
I had no doubt about that.
And excellent work
on that light switch.
I unscrewed
the casing earlier
and when I turned off
the lights...
I just sticked it off,
nice and discreet.
I'll wire the money to your
American account tomorrow.
Pleasure doing business
with you, Mr. Arnheim.
We are going to
get married
and buy
a little farm in Ohio.
Oh, that's the spirit.
But before you do,
you need to call the police
and inform them of the tragedy
we just witnessed.
The poor mother electrocuted
in front of her loving son.
And all witnessed
by the family solicitor.
It's what we call
in legal parlance...
an act of God.
And you can't prosecute God,
can you?
[laughing]
-[Miss Mills] Right.
-[laughing]
-Right.
-[laughter]
Time for the last
performance.
[sighs]
Poor stupid Zena.
Always so intelligent
and observant.
Unless blinded
by the brilliance
of her own performance.
[Edwin scoffs]
We should get
that poison ring,
so we don't raise
any more suspicions.
-[thunder rumbling]
-Such a clever device.
I think I'll keep
this one in souvenir.
[clicks tongue]
Always useful
when you have your hand
over someone else's drink.
[loud piano chord plays]
No wonder she didn't notice
you swap our goblets.
I myself
didn't even notice that.
[loud piano chord plays]
You have nifty fingers.
In my profession you must.
Hmm. Oh.
She looks so naked
without her ring.
Perhaps we should return
this one to her.
Nope.
This one will buy me
a Rolls-Royce.
An emerald green one.
[Alfred chuckles]
[scoffs] So, mommy dearest...
was there something
you didn't think of?
[mechanical whirring]
[inhales]
I've been thinking.
Thinking?
Maybe we should rob her.
-[Alfred] Who?
-[Edwin scoffs]
That witch
you've been eating on.
How much did you say
she was worth, exactly?
[paper rustling]
What's it to you?
You just inherited
two million.
Well, that's the thing.
It's all gone.
What do you mean, gone?
I've been having
these gambling debts.
Gambling debts?
Yes, and if one doesn't honor
one's gambling debts,
one is likely
to get rubbed out.
So I honored them.
You had two million
in gambling debts?
Don't be silly.
You know damn well
most of that money
is tied up
in the company.
I couldn't get a penny
without the board's consent.
I barely had
half a million in cash.
Your father has been dead
for three months
and you have
half a million
in gambling debts.
No, no, most of that debt
was from before.
From my time
at boarding school.
[chuckles] Edwin.
I envy your education.
And one has to
keep up appearances
to reassure those,
whom one owes money to.
Spend a penny to save a penny,
as they say.
After these chaps went out
about my inheritance,
I was faced
with a bit of an ultimatum.
I'll be damned.
I should be in charge
of your finances.
I am your financial advisor,
after all.
Yes, and I'm of age now.
Right you are.
It's your duty.
So now, it is your duty
to get me out
of this predicament.
Oh, no.
We need to eliminate
your bad habits.
Starting with
the most expensive ones.
[gasps] Spending less
isn't a solution,
it's a punishment.
I'm perfectly prepared
to get rid of my gambling debts,
but my bad habits...
never.
Well, what is the solution?
I'll split
the money with you.
What money?
Her money, of course.
Which you will receive
after she's dead.
Because you will marry her.
We've been over this, Edwin.
She refuses to marry me.
[clicks tongue]
How could anyone refuse you?
Well, she knows
all men are after her money.
The funny thing is,
she doesn't even know
how much she's worth.
Her hubbies died,
before they had a chance
to give her a tour
of their riches.
You mean the painting?
The stupid woman
doesn't even realize
that she has
an original Da Vinci
on her wall.
Besides, I--
I wouldn't dare marry her.
She is a professional widow.
She's put three husbands
in their graves and...
I taught her how to do it.
So we could rob the painting
and she wouldn't even realize.
Can't you think
any bigger than that?
She has more
than just a painting.
She has stocks
and bonds and properties.
And she knows
absolutely nothing
about the market.
But aren't you
her financial advisor too?
Couldn't you make some of these
stocks and bonds disappear?
Edwin, you disappoint me.
Petty theft? No.
If we go after it...
we go after all of it.
Yes, that's my Alfred. Yes.
Yes, you've got it all
figured out, haven't you?
I can see the cog turning
in that pretty head of yours.
[sighs]
First, we have to do...
is make her...
go after your fortune.
-Isn't she already loaded?
-Well, that's the thing.
I've managed to convince her
that her stocks are falling.
She thinks
her wealth is dwindling
and she can't bear
the thought.
Go on.
But, you see...
I've told her about
your immense inheritance
and she can't get it
out of her head.
I also mentioned
that you have...
An incurable
heart condition, asthma,
and will probably
die very soon.
That really
piqued her interest.
I've also gone to great length
about how much I hate you.
That you are...
A spoiled brat,
fit only for gambling,
drinking and philandering.
A self-centered narcissist,
who always gets his way
and who treats me like a dog.
It's only a matter of days
before she'll bring
the subject up herself.
I've told her that you are...
Morbidly afraid
of death and ghosts
and everything supernatural.
I can hear the wheels whirring
in her little head.
She asked "who would your
fortune go to if you died?"
And I told her you had...
No living relatives
left in the world.
Then, last week,
I made my move
and I told her...
You were actually adopted
and that
your real parents
were the Bonpree gardener
and his wife.
I could almost taste
her excitement.
-[crunching]
-I'm sure she would have
concocted a plan by now.
One that she is convinced
is entirely her own.
[Edwin sighs]
And when's your next
meeting with her?
In one hour.
[claps]
I applaud you, good sir.
[deep breath]
And toast you with champagne.
-[Edwin breathes deeply]
-With the best.
[loud piano chord plays]
So, Mommy dear,
you were wrong.
That was the fifth secret.
[Miss Mills sobbing]
Oh, my God. Please.
There's been a terrible,
horrible, horrible...
That is one
hell of a performance.
-By Jove, it is.
-[Alfred chuckles]
One should pay
good money to watch that.
Oh, but we are.
-Or are we?
-Whatever do you mean?
Nathan behind the wheel
is a disaster
waiting to happen.
Leadfooted driver,
speeding under the influence
on a notoriously
dangerous cliff road.
In a car with no brakes,
in a rainstorm.
I'd say there's a 50-50 chance
that no paying is necessary.
[thunderclap]
Make that 60-40.
Without--
[chuckles]
No, you didn't.
I did,
just after I arrived.
[snaps]
[thud]
-Oh, you're such a ruthless--
-Villain?
-State executor.
-[laughing]
[thunderclap]
[door creaks]
[officer] Sir, sir.
[thunderclap]
Be sure
to drive safely now, sir.
Thank you, officer.
And, once again,
my condolences to you, sir.
-Thank you, officer.
-Thank you.
-Have an excellent evening.
-Thank you, sir. Thank you.
[engine revs]
[thunderclap]
[mysterious music plays]
[Edwin coughing]
You've been practicing
that coughing so thoroughly,
it's become
quite a habit with you, huh?
Oh, I don't know.
I feel the more I cough,
the more something's
stuck in my throat.
I feel like shit.
I'm sure it's nothing
to worry about.
[Edwin sniffs]
Anyway...
that was fun.
Yeah, like an American movie.
[chuckles]
Just arriving
all Solomon serious.
Spiel's crying. Ha-ha!
Yes, me being
interrogated in one room
and you in the other.
Yeah, well, fortunately,
we all saw what happened.
-Nothing to lie about.
-[Edwin] Hmm.
By the way,
why did that police officer
offer you his condolences?
Oh, that.
I'm not sure.
Had something to do
with me being a lawyer, maybe.
Seems a bit
over-ambitious to me.
Right.
Did a good job.
It was
an open and shut case.
Oh, indeed.
Flawless. Yeah.
Almost makes me want to write
a crime novel about it.
Which you will never do.
Of course not, no.
With all this money,
I'll never have to do
a single thing
again in my life.
-[windshield wipers squeak]
-Never again.
Don't you--
don't you mean that "we"
will never have anything
to do with our lives, Edwin?
Yes, well,
I've been thinking.
Well-- well, you've been
doing that quite a lot lately.
Legally speaking,
it's my money, yeah?
My mother
left it to me.
Isn't that so?
Is there something
you'd like to tell me?
I mean,
I think most of that money
should belong to me.
It was basically my idea.
-Now was it?
-[Edwin] Yeah.
Of course, you've been
a great help to me.
But you're a family lawyer.
Isn't that
what you're supposed to be?
A great help?
I-- I-- I put
the idea in your head.
Now, you can't argue
against that.
-I suppose so.
-[Edwin exclaims]
I'm glad you can see
things from my way, yes.
And you'll always
have this position.
All this money,
after all,
bonds and stocks
have to be managed.
-It's a full time job.
-I'm sure it is.
Yeah.
[Edwin coughing]
That sounds positively
morbid, my dear boy.
[Edwin coughing]
Got a handkerchief?
Check the glove compartment.
[coughing]
Oh, shit. Blood.
Oh, you're just over excited.
There's nothing a good night's
sleep wouldn't fix.
[paper rustling]
What?
What does
this Cablegram mean?
Which one?
"Congratulations,
old friend.
Kiss the blushing bride
for me."
[chuckles]
Didn't I tell you?
I-- I got married on Monday.
[chuckles] You--
With?
Madame Orlofsky, of course.
It was the final condition
that I set for killing you.
Oh, don't look at me
like that.
That was your idea,
after all.
But why?
Because we all
loved you, boy.
-[Edwin scoffs]
-[paper rustling]
So--
so you told the truth.
[chuckles] Nothing but
the truth, my dear boy.
Nothing but the truth.
So, you see,
officer, it was to be a--
a family reunion of sorts.
I met my wife
while searching
for the birth mother
of my ward.
He found his mother and I...
I found
the love of my life.
And now...
this tragedy.
I hope the shock won't prove
too violent for the young man.
He's not so Well,
you know?
He has a bad heart,
asthma.
To be honest,
his mother and I were fearing
for the worst.
I feel such
a responsibility for him now,
that I am, legally,
his last living relative
left in the world.
[sighs]
[Edwin coughing]
-[paper rustling]
-[Edwin coughs]
[Edwin]
"One emerald ring duplicate."
[paper rustling]
Is this the lost earring?
Impossible to tell
the difference, isn't it?
So, this is the original...
and this is the copy
and paste?
Ah. Perfect.
Just a small investment
with a guaranteed return.
[loud piano chord plays]
[Edwin coughing]
[gasping for air]
Oh, my heart.
I don't feel--
I don't feel so well.
Are you sure
you changed the goblets?
Did I...
-or did I not?
-[Edwin coughing]
[gasping]
Did I...
or did I not?
[gasping for air]
That is my...
little secret.
[Alfred chuckling
and humming]
-[tires screeching]
-[car crashing]