The Substance (2024) Movie Script
1
Happy birthday, thank you.
Happy birthday.
Oh, thank you.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
I don't care if every
fucking young girl
in this fucking town
in the next few weeks.
Look, I made it simple.
We need her young.
We need her hot.
We need her now.
How the old bitch
has been able to stick
around for this long.
That's the fucking
mystery to me.
Oh, Oscar winner, my ass.
When was that back in the 30s?
What, for King Kong?
No, I don't give a
fuck what we promised her.
This is network TV,
not a fucking charity.
Find me somebody new.
Now.
Hey, did you know
that a woman's
fertility starts to
decrease by the age of 25?
How old is Jennifer?
You better get busy.
It's like when you see
someone fart on screen.
People just love that.
I mean,
that's just the way it is.
So you know what I mean?
People are just people.
And I have to give
people what they want.
That's what keeps
the shareholders happy.
And people always
ask for something new.
Renewal is inevitable.
And at 50, well, it stops.
What stops?
What?
What stops?
Um, you know, the um...
The um...
The um...
Oh, George!
Oh, oh!
I'm sorry, I gotta run.
Harvey!
George,
those ratings are insane!
You're a genius!
Oh, what a mess.
You're a genius.
That's why you'd be drinking.
Oh, that's hilarious.
Well, it's your lucky day,
Miss Sparkle,
because we have
X-rayed you from head to toe,
and you don't have so
much as a crap molar.
So, you are good to go.
Uh, vaccination, okay?
Not going on a vacation.
By the way, I just want to
say, my wife is a huge fan.
Um, blood type...
Oh, hey, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday.
Oh, uh, that's an
emergency, I'm sorry.
I, uh, had to have a...
Bye.
One moment.
It's just one last
exam to perform.
I thought he said
I was good to go.
Is there a problem?
No, it's perfect.
You're a good candidate.
I mean, are you good to go?
I wish you the best.
Lizzie?
Lizzie Sparkle?
Oh my God, I can't believe it.
Fred!
Fred,
from 10th grade homeroom!
Oh, Fred, of course.
You haven't changed a bit.
You're still the
most beautiful girl in
the whole wide world.
You know,
I followed your career.
What a success.
I mean, wow, wow, wow.
Wow.
Hey, why don't
we go out maybe for a
drink sometime now that
we're, you know, reconnected?
Um...
Oh, of course, I'm stupid.
You're super busy.
But you know what?
Why don't you
give me your card?
I mean, you never help.
Um, sure, what I...
This will do.
Oh.
Don't look at my
cholesterol levels.
They're a disaster.
Oh, God.
What is that?
There.
Now you've got it.
Have you ever dreamt of a
better version of yourself?
Younger.
More beautiful.
More perfect.
One single injection
unlocks your DNA,
starting a new cellular
division that will release
another version of yourself.
This is the substance.
You are the matrix.
Everything comes from you.
And everything is you.
This is simply a
better version of yourself.
You just have to share.
One week for one and
one week for the other.
A perfect balance
of seven days each.
The one and only
thing not to forget.
You are one.
You can't escape
from yourself.
Yes.
Hello.
I'd like to order.
Address.
1057 Beverly Canyon.
Write this down.
35 North Byron Alley.
35 North.
You are the matrix.
Everything comes from
you, and everything is you.
This is simply a
better version of yourself.
Hello.
Thanks.
We'll let you
know by next week.
Thank you so much.
I'm just dying
to get the part.
Great dancer.
Hmm, too bad her
boobs aren't in the middle
of her instead of the nose.
Next!
Looks like everything
sure is in the
right place this time.
Please say your name,
age, measurements.
I'm Sue.
I'm Sue.
Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue,
Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue.
Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue.
Where is she?
Where is she?
What a gorgeous little angel.
You're hired.
We want a show
that's just like you.
Beautiful and happy.
People want to be happy.
We air in two weeks,
so let's get to work.
I'm gonna let you organize
the rest with my assistant.
Isabella?
Is-is-isis.
Who has time to say that?
We're gonna make you Cindy.
It's shorter, it's better.
So, I'm gonna let you
organize everything
else with Cindy.
Oh, um, before you go,
I just have to mention
a small scheduling issue.
I have to be out
of town every other week
to take care of my
mother, who's very sick.
I want you for this
show, and we will work around
any mother,
brother, fucking sick,
puppy you need
to take care of.
Hmm?
Hmm.
Gorgeous, with a pure heart.
People are gonna love that.
Perfect.
So you jump out,
touch your elbows,
head down, contract.
And five,
six, seven, eight, elbows.
Where have you been?
I've all been wanting
to have a drink with you
for your departure.
Anyway, we all chipped in
and we got you just a little
something to keep you busy.
It's French.
My wife, she's for her spire.
Oh, I don't want my wife.
Oops, I gotta run.
But it's always
great to see you.
The antelope and
the deer moving about
are going through the text.
The antelope with remotes.
I cannot believe the
incredible price for $49.98.
God dammit,
they have the phone
and it's such a great night.
Open up.
We gotta open up.
And uh, sorry.
I thought that Ms. Sparkle.
She moved out.
I'm the new tenant.
Sue.
Oliver.
Oliver.
Oliver.
You wanted to complain
about something?
Oliver?
What?
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I think it's like
awesome when there's stuff
going on in the
building,
you know what I mean?
Um, I'm actually,
quite handy if you ever need,
need me to be
of aid in any way.
I got a sack of tools
and I got a big hammer.
You know what I mean.
Anyways, I live right here,
so you know where to find me.
Anytime.
Day or night.
Later.
Hi everybody.
I'm Sue and it's
time to pump it up.
Are you ready?
Let's go.
Thank you so much everybody.
I'll see you next week.
And in the meantime,
take care of yourself.
courtesy!
Wonderful, wonderful.
I won't be out late,
so just wait for me.
Don't eat too fast.
Are you all right?
Yes, I'll be right back.
Are you all right?
What did you do?
You've seen me the more
beautiful than before.
No.
Yes.
Yes, hi.
This is Elizabeth Sparkle.
I'm 503.
Yes.
Yes, hi.
There's been a slight
misuse of the substance.
A few extra hours
were accidentally used
causing an alteration.
So I'm just looking for
the procedure to reverse it.
What has been used on one
side is lost
on the other side.
There's no going back.
No, I don't know
what she was thinking.
And obviously she was drunk.
Remember there
is no she and you.
You are one.
Respect the balance
and you won't have
any more inconveniences.
Don't you know
Don't you know
You got to pump it up
Don't you know
Don't you know
You got to pump it up
You got to pump it up
You got to pump it up
You got to pump it up
You got to pump it up
Sue!
Sue?
I just saw you on TV.
Holy moly.
Makes me want
to join your class.
Hey, you don't give
private lessons, do you?
Hey, what about a
drink at my place tonight?
Come on, don't be shy.
I see you standing behind
the door there, gorgeous.
All right, take your
time, but it's a date.
You know, pump it up
You got to pump it up
You know, pump it up
You got to pump it up
Sue.
What can I get you?
Moka Latte.
It's long, isn't it?
Excuse me?
Seven days.
Did you follow me here?
I was just curious to find out
how things were going for you.
Each time you feel a little
more lonely, don't you think?
I don't know what
you were talking about.
I'm fine.
Everything's fine.
It gets harder
each time to remember
that you still
deserve to exist.
That this part of
yourself is still
worth something
that you still matter.
Has she started yet?
Eating away at you?
Fuck!
Watch out!
What?
Hey!
Move!
You're still the
most beautiful girl
in the whole wide world.
Hello?
Hi, Fred.
It's Lizzie.
Hello?
Sorry, I mean, I'm a chalk.
Oh.
Wow.
Wow, wow.
I thought I'd never
hear from you again after--
Oh gosh, no, no, not at all.
I just, I've just
been really busy lately.
So listen, I was thinking that
maybe we could get
together and grab a drink.
Are you still there?
Sorry, I'm in shock.
I'm in shock again.
I could book Luigi's at eight.
Eight in Luigi's?
It is.
I will see you tonight.
Bye.
Okay, bye.
Hi everybody.
Hi.
Okay, here we go everyone.
Clear the set please.
First positions, thank you.
Roll cameras.
And in three, two, one.
Squat, squat, squat.
Circle those hips.
Circle those hips.
Contract, contract, contract,
contract, contract, contract.
Contract, between your legs.
Cut.
I'm sorry,
I thought I, thought I, I,
I just got distracted.
Not a problem, let's
get right back to it.
Back to one please.
Sorry,
it's the control room now.
The director said
he saw something
bizarre on the monitor.
Bring up the replay
on camera two.
Camera two.
Forward.
Can I have my dressing gown?
Sorry, it's in
your dressing room.
But I go and get it.
Let's just take
this frame by frame.
I need five minutes.
Yes.
This balance is not working.
I barely have any
time to enjoy myself
while she wastes seven days
stuffing her face
in front of the TV.
Remember there
is no she and you.
I love everybody.
What's happening?
Where is everybody?
The TV's been canceled.
What, why?
Sue.
Harvey wants to see you
in his office immediately.
Okay.
I'll go change him.
No, he said now.
I'll get right to the bond.
We can't keep you
on the morning show.
But why?
I just started.
Ratings are through the roof.
We started at 42.
Now we're up to like--
216.
It's phenomenal.
People love you.
They adore you.
They want more and
more and more of you.
That is why we have
decided that we want you
to host the New
Year's Eve show.
You mean the--
The network's biggest show.
50 million viewers live.
You can't go higher than that.
That's gonna be intense.
We only have a few more.
So are you in?
If you don't open the
door and opportunity knocks,
you won't get another chance.
You of all people know this.
Just one more day and
then I have a whole week off.
We can switch.
We're doing the
cover of Vogue.
Just one more day, okay?
Yes. She didn't
respect the balance.
She's stealing more
and more time from me,
completely without
consideration
of the consequences.
She's a selfish bitch.
Would you like to stop?
Stop.
You are the Matrix.
If you are not satisfied,
you can put an
end to the experience
and go back to being
just you on your own.
Would you like to stop?
Will it go back to
the way it was before?
What has been
transferred won't come back,
but you can stop
the experience.
As of now,
would you like to stop?
To go back to being
just you on your own?
No.
No, no, no.
I can't stop.
She just--
I did it.
I did it.
I did it. I did it.
The balance just
needs to be respected.
So respected.
Stop it, stop it, stop
it, stop it, stop it.
You are the Matrix.
Well,
congratulations,
you've won $25,000.
We're standing
on our final chance
and it's your second question
in our big question
round and play for $250,000.
And you'll have just 45
seconds to come up to get
the correct answer
that you can't--
Just a little something
to keep you busy.
Fuck.
Boss.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen,
she is here.
The superstar
of the moment, Sue.
Are you ready?
Let's welcome her, Sue.
You popped up nowhere on
our screens like a tornado.
I don't think anybody was
really prepared
for this world.
It all started
with the morning show
and rumor has it that you are
up for Tom Grant's next movie.
Wait, just a moment.
I'm being told that
you are going to host
the New Year's Eve show.
Can you confirm this?
Yes, that's right.
Yes, that's right.
Oh my God, that is huge news.
Tell us a little
bit about yourself.
Where are you from?
How did you get discovered?
I want, we want
to know everything.
Well, I mean, there's
really not very much to tell.
I'm just a girl from a
very small town in Indiana.
I'm sure that you've
never heard of it.
In fact, it's not even a town.
I'm not sure you could
really even call it a village.
It's a farm, perhaps?
But ever since I can remember,
it has always been my
dream to be on screen.
This is my dream.
As a child, I used to
put on shows for my family.
Mm, your family.
How sweet.
So, everyone is aware that
you replaced
Elizabeth Sparkle.
And no doubt about it,
you stepped in,
you turned up the volume,
and you rocked their world.
Were you a fan of her show?
Um, well, well, I can't, uh,
I can't really say that I
actually watched her show.
You do know that
we're not exactly from
the same generation.
And you have to admit, it
was a bit old-fashioned.
Jurassic Fitness, really.
Jurassic Fitness,
it needed a change.
I'll fucking show you.
You really wanna see
some Jurassic Fitness?
You want it?
Come on, come get your
fucking Jurassic Fitness!
But my mother was
a huge fan of hers.
So, every morning,
rain or shine,
Sparkle, your life, was on TV.
So, in a way,
I grew up with her.
Whether I liked it or not.
I guess that's
why you could say
we have some sort
of connection.
Some sort of connection.
You wouldn't exist without me.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
It is time, ladies and
gentlemen,
for our final question.
The question that we ask each
and every one of our guests.
Okay.
Would you share one of your
little beauty secrets with us?
Just one little trick of yours
that helps you look
so incredibly stunning.
I mean, look at you.
I don't know.
Say it!
Say it!
Let me think.
Say it!
Tell them who your
little beauty secret is!
I guess, I would just
show them right here.
Here's your little
beauty secret.
I guess I just
try to be myself.
To be sincere and
grateful for all that I have.
And to always remember
to leave with my heart.
Oh, I'm here at
the sweetheart center.
I just,
oh, I try to be myself.
Stop it!
Stop it.
You're taking it from me.
That's your little secret.
Stop it!
You have to control yourself!
I can't go back, I forgot.
Oh, shit.
Gross old rat.
Stop it!
Coming to bed?
Yes, I'll be right there.
Yes.
Hi, hi, this is emergency.
There's no more
stabilizer fluid.
Hello?
It's fucking 503.
Yes.
Fuck!
I'm telling you,
this is urgent.
There's no more
stabilizer fluid.
It means you've
reached the end.
What do you mean the end?
You've drained it all out.
If you want more, you must
let the fluid regenerate.
Tell me how to do it.
I need to stabilize
myself right now.
You simply have to switch.
Excuse me?
The switch reboots the
fluid secretion process
so you can continue to
enjoy the experience.
No, no, no, no, no.
I can't switch, I can't.
Especially not now.
There is no other option.
Sue?
Babe?
Sue?
You all right?
Should I start out tomorrow?
Babe?
Babe?
Sue?
Is something wrong?
You look cranky because
you're related business.
Sue, open the door.
Come on, Sue.
Sue, funny,
I need to take a picture.
Sue, open the door.
Open the door, Sue, come on.
Come on.
Guys!
What the fuck?
The fuck out!
Who's this?
Who the fuck is that?
Leave me alone!
What the fuck?
Yes?
It's 503.
I want to stop.
Are you sure? Once you
stop, you can't go back.
I want to stop!
I want to fucking stop!
I want to stop!
We'll deliver.
Are you sure?
Once you stop,
you can't go back.
You will simply
remain on your own.
Just on your own.
Just on your own.
Shut the fuck up!
Okay.
I can't do this.
I need you.
I need myself.
You gotta get ready.
It's our big night.
Come on. They're
gonna love you so much.
Come on.
Come on.
You're the only lovable part
of me. You have to come back.
You have to come back.
Come back.
Okay. Okay.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Oh, don't!
You guys know what
happened, makeup?
Here, we gotta get
you the pinning room.
We have one final test on
stage, lighting a sound.
We have it in,
I'll type it for the show.
You got it?
You good?
Okay, let's go.
Grab it.
One more.
There you go.
You good?
You gonna dance, lads?
I'm gonna be right back,
sorry.
They need to see you on
stage with the satellites.
Have you ever dreamt
of a better version
of yourself?
More beautiful, more perfect.
Tim?
Yes, let me meet you there.
Okay, so I'll wait
for you on stage.
Sue?
Let me introduce
you to the shareholders.
They have been
dying to meet you.
Is everything okay?
So smile.
That's what we want tonight.
Pretty girls should
always smile.
Bathers, blathers, blathers.
Hey, you ready for tonight?
Would you be the
better version of myself?
Please give me a better
version of myself, please.
Please.
Come on.
Jesus.
Looks like everything
sure is in the
right place this time.
Please say your name,
age, measurements.
Pretty girls should
always smile.
At last,
we're starting to worry.
Hurry up, you're up in five.
There she is, so beautiful.
We love you.
This is where you belong.
You always belong here.
We can't do it without you.
We'll never do it without you.
Who would you
replace them all?
Oh.
Girls, come on, let's go.
Let's go,
what are we waiting for?
Okay, come on, everybody,
let's go, let's go, let's go.
You will not be disappointed.
She's my most
beautiful creation.
I have shaped
her for success.
Five, four, three, two, one.
The monster!
Shoot the monster!
It's a freak!
The monster!
Don't be a bird.
Monster!
You're stupid.
It's real.
I'm a little bit,
I'm a little bit.
Freak!
Freak, monster, monster!
It's me.
It's me.
I'm just kidding.
Too bad her boobs aren't
in the middle of her face
instead of that nose.
Hmm.
Next!
Pretty girls should
always smile.
I have 50.
It stops.
I love you.
I love you.
You're a place of all.
Happy birthday, thank you.
Happy birthday.
Oh, thank you.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
I don't care if every
fucking young girl
in this fucking town
in the next few weeks.
Look, I made it simple.
We need her young.
We need her hot.
We need her now.
How the old bitch
has been able to stick
around for this long.
That's the fucking
mystery to me.
Oh, Oscar winner, my ass.
When was that back in the 30s?
What, for King Kong?
No, I don't give a
fuck what we promised her.
This is network TV,
not a fucking charity.
Find me somebody new.
Now.
Hey, did you know
that a woman's
fertility starts to
decrease by the age of 25?
How old is Jennifer?
You better get busy.
It's like when you see
someone fart on screen.
People just love that.
I mean,
that's just the way it is.
So you know what I mean?
People are just people.
And I have to give
people what they want.
That's what keeps
the shareholders happy.
And people always
ask for something new.
Renewal is inevitable.
And at 50, well, it stops.
What stops?
What?
What stops?
Um, you know, the um...
The um...
The um...
Oh, George!
Oh, oh!
I'm sorry, I gotta run.
Harvey!
George,
those ratings are insane!
You're a genius!
Oh, what a mess.
You're a genius.
That's why you'd be drinking.
Oh, that's hilarious.
Well, it's your lucky day,
Miss Sparkle,
because we have
X-rayed you from head to toe,
and you don't have so
much as a crap molar.
So, you are good to go.
Uh, vaccination, okay?
Not going on a vacation.
By the way, I just want to
say, my wife is a huge fan.
Um, blood type...
Oh, hey, it's your birthday.
Happy birthday.
Oh, uh, that's an
emergency, I'm sorry.
I, uh, had to have a...
Bye.
One moment.
It's just one last
exam to perform.
I thought he said
I was good to go.
Is there a problem?
No, it's perfect.
You're a good candidate.
I mean, are you good to go?
I wish you the best.
Lizzie?
Lizzie Sparkle?
Oh my God, I can't believe it.
Fred!
Fred,
from 10th grade homeroom!
Oh, Fred, of course.
You haven't changed a bit.
You're still the
most beautiful girl in
the whole wide world.
You know,
I followed your career.
What a success.
I mean, wow, wow, wow.
Wow.
Hey, why don't
we go out maybe for a
drink sometime now that
we're, you know, reconnected?
Um...
Oh, of course, I'm stupid.
You're super busy.
But you know what?
Why don't you
give me your card?
I mean, you never help.
Um, sure, what I...
This will do.
Oh.
Don't look at my
cholesterol levels.
They're a disaster.
Oh, God.
What is that?
There.
Now you've got it.
Have you ever dreamt of a
better version of yourself?
Younger.
More beautiful.
More perfect.
One single injection
unlocks your DNA,
starting a new cellular
division that will release
another version of yourself.
This is the substance.
You are the matrix.
Everything comes from you.
And everything is you.
This is simply a
better version of yourself.
You just have to share.
One week for one and
one week for the other.
A perfect balance
of seven days each.
The one and only
thing not to forget.
You are one.
You can't escape
from yourself.
Yes.
Hello.
I'd like to order.
Address.
1057 Beverly Canyon.
Write this down.
35 North Byron Alley.
35 North.
You are the matrix.
Everything comes from
you, and everything is you.
This is simply a
better version of yourself.
Hello.
Thanks.
We'll let you
know by next week.
Thank you so much.
I'm just dying
to get the part.
Great dancer.
Hmm, too bad her
boobs aren't in the middle
of her instead of the nose.
Next!
Looks like everything
sure is in the
right place this time.
Please say your name,
age, measurements.
I'm Sue.
I'm Sue.
Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue,
Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue.
Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue, Sue.
Where is she?
Where is she?
What a gorgeous little angel.
You're hired.
We want a show
that's just like you.
Beautiful and happy.
People want to be happy.
We air in two weeks,
so let's get to work.
I'm gonna let you organize
the rest with my assistant.
Isabella?
Is-is-isis.
Who has time to say that?
We're gonna make you Cindy.
It's shorter, it's better.
So, I'm gonna let you
organize everything
else with Cindy.
Oh, um, before you go,
I just have to mention
a small scheduling issue.
I have to be out
of town every other week
to take care of my
mother, who's very sick.
I want you for this
show, and we will work around
any mother,
brother, fucking sick,
puppy you need
to take care of.
Hmm?
Hmm.
Gorgeous, with a pure heart.
People are gonna love that.
Perfect.
So you jump out,
touch your elbows,
head down, contract.
And five,
six, seven, eight, elbows.
Where have you been?
I've all been wanting
to have a drink with you
for your departure.
Anyway, we all chipped in
and we got you just a little
something to keep you busy.
It's French.
My wife, she's for her spire.
Oh, I don't want my wife.
Oops, I gotta run.
But it's always
great to see you.
The antelope and
the deer moving about
are going through the text.
The antelope with remotes.
I cannot believe the
incredible price for $49.98.
God dammit,
they have the phone
and it's such a great night.
Open up.
We gotta open up.
And uh, sorry.
I thought that Ms. Sparkle.
She moved out.
I'm the new tenant.
Sue.
Oliver.
Oliver.
Oliver.
You wanted to complain
about something?
Oliver?
What?
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I think it's like
awesome when there's stuff
going on in the
building,
you know what I mean?
Um, I'm actually,
quite handy if you ever need,
need me to be
of aid in any way.
I got a sack of tools
and I got a big hammer.
You know what I mean.
Anyways, I live right here,
so you know where to find me.
Anytime.
Day or night.
Later.
Hi everybody.
I'm Sue and it's
time to pump it up.
Are you ready?
Let's go.
Thank you so much everybody.
I'll see you next week.
And in the meantime,
take care of yourself.
courtesy!
Wonderful, wonderful.
I won't be out late,
so just wait for me.
Don't eat too fast.
Are you all right?
Yes, I'll be right back.
Are you all right?
What did you do?
You've seen me the more
beautiful than before.
No.
Yes.
Yes, hi.
This is Elizabeth Sparkle.
I'm 503.
Yes.
Yes, hi.
There's been a slight
misuse of the substance.
A few extra hours
were accidentally used
causing an alteration.
So I'm just looking for
the procedure to reverse it.
What has been used on one
side is lost
on the other side.
There's no going back.
No, I don't know
what she was thinking.
And obviously she was drunk.
Remember there
is no she and you.
You are one.
Respect the balance
and you won't have
any more inconveniences.
Don't you know
Don't you know
You got to pump it up
Don't you know
Don't you know
You got to pump it up
You got to pump it up
You got to pump it up
You got to pump it up
You got to pump it up
Sue!
Sue?
I just saw you on TV.
Holy moly.
Makes me want
to join your class.
Hey, you don't give
private lessons, do you?
Hey, what about a
drink at my place tonight?
Come on, don't be shy.
I see you standing behind
the door there, gorgeous.
All right, take your
time, but it's a date.
You know, pump it up
You got to pump it up
You know, pump it up
You got to pump it up
Sue.
What can I get you?
Moka Latte.
It's long, isn't it?
Excuse me?
Seven days.
Did you follow me here?
I was just curious to find out
how things were going for you.
Each time you feel a little
more lonely, don't you think?
I don't know what
you were talking about.
I'm fine.
Everything's fine.
It gets harder
each time to remember
that you still
deserve to exist.
That this part of
yourself is still
worth something
that you still matter.
Has she started yet?
Eating away at you?
Fuck!
Watch out!
What?
Hey!
Move!
You're still the
most beautiful girl
in the whole wide world.
Hello?
Hi, Fred.
It's Lizzie.
Hello?
Sorry, I mean, I'm a chalk.
Oh.
Wow.
Wow, wow.
I thought I'd never
hear from you again after--
Oh gosh, no, no, not at all.
I just, I've just
been really busy lately.
So listen, I was thinking that
maybe we could get
together and grab a drink.
Are you still there?
Sorry, I'm in shock.
I'm in shock again.
I could book Luigi's at eight.
Eight in Luigi's?
It is.
I will see you tonight.
Bye.
Okay, bye.
Hi everybody.
Hi.
Okay, here we go everyone.
Clear the set please.
First positions, thank you.
Roll cameras.
And in three, two, one.
Squat, squat, squat.
Circle those hips.
Circle those hips.
Contract, contract, contract,
contract, contract, contract.
Contract, between your legs.
Cut.
I'm sorry,
I thought I, thought I, I,
I just got distracted.
Not a problem, let's
get right back to it.
Back to one please.
Sorry,
it's the control room now.
The director said
he saw something
bizarre on the monitor.
Bring up the replay
on camera two.
Camera two.
Forward.
Can I have my dressing gown?
Sorry, it's in
your dressing room.
But I go and get it.
Let's just take
this frame by frame.
I need five minutes.
Yes.
This balance is not working.
I barely have any
time to enjoy myself
while she wastes seven days
stuffing her face
in front of the TV.
Remember there
is no she and you.
I love everybody.
What's happening?
Where is everybody?
The TV's been canceled.
What, why?
Sue.
Harvey wants to see you
in his office immediately.
Okay.
I'll go change him.
No, he said now.
I'll get right to the bond.
We can't keep you
on the morning show.
But why?
I just started.
Ratings are through the roof.
We started at 42.
Now we're up to like--
216.
It's phenomenal.
People love you.
They adore you.
They want more and
more and more of you.
That is why we have
decided that we want you
to host the New
Year's Eve show.
You mean the--
The network's biggest show.
50 million viewers live.
You can't go higher than that.
That's gonna be intense.
We only have a few more.
So are you in?
If you don't open the
door and opportunity knocks,
you won't get another chance.
You of all people know this.
Just one more day and
then I have a whole week off.
We can switch.
We're doing the
cover of Vogue.
Just one more day, okay?
Yes. She didn't
respect the balance.
She's stealing more
and more time from me,
completely without
consideration
of the consequences.
She's a selfish bitch.
Would you like to stop?
Stop.
You are the Matrix.
If you are not satisfied,
you can put an
end to the experience
and go back to being
just you on your own.
Would you like to stop?
Will it go back to
the way it was before?
What has been
transferred won't come back,
but you can stop
the experience.
As of now,
would you like to stop?
To go back to being
just you on your own?
No.
No, no, no.
I can't stop.
She just--
I did it.
I did it.
I did it. I did it.
The balance just
needs to be respected.
So respected.
Stop it, stop it, stop
it, stop it, stop it.
You are the Matrix.
Well,
congratulations,
you've won $25,000.
We're standing
on our final chance
and it's your second question
in our big question
round and play for $250,000.
And you'll have just 45
seconds to come up to get
the correct answer
that you can't--
Just a little something
to keep you busy.
Fuck.
Boss.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen,
she is here.
The superstar
of the moment, Sue.
Are you ready?
Let's welcome her, Sue.
You popped up nowhere on
our screens like a tornado.
I don't think anybody was
really prepared
for this world.
It all started
with the morning show
and rumor has it that you are
up for Tom Grant's next movie.
Wait, just a moment.
I'm being told that
you are going to host
the New Year's Eve show.
Can you confirm this?
Yes, that's right.
Yes, that's right.
Oh my God, that is huge news.
Tell us a little
bit about yourself.
Where are you from?
How did you get discovered?
I want, we want
to know everything.
Well, I mean, there's
really not very much to tell.
I'm just a girl from a
very small town in Indiana.
I'm sure that you've
never heard of it.
In fact, it's not even a town.
I'm not sure you could
really even call it a village.
It's a farm, perhaps?
But ever since I can remember,
it has always been my
dream to be on screen.
This is my dream.
As a child, I used to
put on shows for my family.
Mm, your family.
How sweet.
So, everyone is aware that
you replaced
Elizabeth Sparkle.
And no doubt about it,
you stepped in,
you turned up the volume,
and you rocked their world.
Were you a fan of her show?
Um, well, well, I can't, uh,
I can't really say that I
actually watched her show.
You do know that
we're not exactly from
the same generation.
And you have to admit, it
was a bit old-fashioned.
Jurassic Fitness, really.
Jurassic Fitness,
it needed a change.
I'll fucking show you.
You really wanna see
some Jurassic Fitness?
You want it?
Come on, come get your
fucking Jurassic Fitness!
But my mother was
a huge fan of hers.
So, every morning,
rain or shine,
Sparkle, your life, was on TV.
So, in a way,
I grew up with her.
Whether I liked it or not.
I guess that's
why you could say
we have some sort
of connection.
Some sort of connection.
You wouldn't exist without me.
Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
It is time, ladies and
gentlemen,
for our final question.
The question that we ask each
and every one of our guests.
Okay.
Would you share one of your
little beauty secrets with us?
Just one little trick of yours
that helps you look
so incredibly stunning.
I mean, look at you.
I don't know.
Say it!
Say it!
Let me think.
Say it!
Tell them who your
little beauty secret is!
I guess, I would just
show them right here.
Here's your little
beauty secret.
I guess I just
try to be myself.
To be sincere and
grateful for all that I have.
And to always remember
to leave with my heart.
Oh, I'm here at
the sweetheart center.
I just,
oh, I try to be myself.
Stop it!
Stop it.
You're taking it from me.
That's your little secret.
Stop it!
You have to control yourself!
I can't go back, I forgot.
Oh, shit.
Gross old rat.
Stop it!
Coming to bed?
Yes, I'll be right there.
Yes.
Hi, hi, this is emergency.
There's no more
stabilizer fluid.
Hello?
It's fucking 503.
Yes.
Fuck!
I'm telling you,
this is urgent.
There's no more
stabilizer fluid.
It means you've
reached the end.
What do you mean the end?
You've drained it all out.
If you want more, you must
let the fluid regenerate.
Tell me how to do it.
I need to stabilize
myself right now.
You simply have to switch.
Excuse me?
The switch reboots the
fluid secretion process
so you can continue to
enjoy the experience.
No, no, no, no, no.
I can't switch, I can't.
Especially not now.
There is no other option.
Sue?
Babe?
Sue?
You all right?
Should I start out tomorrow?
Babe?
Babe?
Sue?
Is something wrong?
You look cranky because
you're related business.
Sue, open the door.
Come on, Sue.
Sue, funny,
I need to take a picture.
Sue, open the door.
Open the door, Sue, come on.
Come on.
Guys!
What the fuck?
The fuck out!
Who's this?
Who the fuck is that?
Leave me alone!
What the fuck?
Yes?
It's 503.
I want to stop.
Are you sure? Once you
stop, you can't go back.
I want to stop!
I want to fucking stop!
I want to stop!
We'll deliver.
Are you sure?
Once you stop,
you can't go back.
You will simply
remain on your own.
Just on your own.
Just on your own.
Shut the fuck up!
Okay.
I can't do this.
I need you.
I need myself.
You gotta get ready.
It's our big night.
Come on. They're
gonna love you so much.
Come on.
Come on.
You're the only lovable part
of me. You have to come back.
You have to come back.
Come back.
Okay. Okay.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Oh, don't!
You guys know what
happened, makeup?
Here, we gotta get
you the pinning room.
We have one final test on
stage, lighting a sound.
We have it in,
I'll type it for the show.
You got it?
You good?
Okay, let's go.
Grab it.
One more.
There you go.
You good?
You gonna dance, lads?
I'm gonna be right back,
sorry.
They need to see you on
stage with the satellites.
Have you ever dreamt
of a better version
of yourself?
More beautiful, more perfect.
Tim?
Yes, let me meet you there.
Okay, so I'll wait
for you on stage.
Sue?
Let me introduce
you to the shareholders.
They have been
dying to meet you.
Is everything okay?
So smile.
That's what we want tonight.
Pretty girls should
always smile.
Bathers, blathers, blathers.
Hey, you ready for tonight?
Would you be the
better version of myself?
Please give me a better
version of myself, please.
Please.
Come on.
Jesus.
Looks like everything
sure is in the
right place this time.
Please say your name,
age, measurements.
Pretty girls should
always smile.
At last,
we're starting to worry.
Hurry up, you're up in five.
There she is, so beautiful.
We love you.
This is where you belong.
You always belong here.
We can't do it without you.
We'll never do it without you.
Who would you
replace them all?
Oh.
Girls, come on, let's go.
Let's go,
what are we waiting for?
Okay, come on, everybody,
let's go, let's go, let's go.
You will not be disappointed.
She's my most
beautiful creation.
I have shaped
her for success.
Five, four, three, two, one.
The monster!
Shoot the monster!
It's a freak!
The monster!
Don't be a bird.
Monster!
You're stupid.
It's real.
I'm a little bit,
I'm a little bit.
Freak!
Freak, monster, monster!
It's me.
It's me.
I'm just kidding.
Too bad her boobs aren't
in the middle of her face
instead of that nose.
Hmm.
Next!
Pretty girls should
always smile.
I have 50.
It stops.
I love you.
I love you.
You're a place of all.