The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023) Movie Script

1
Behold!
The king of the Koopas.
Open the gates, or die.
Attack!
That is but a taste of our fury.
Do you yield?
I do not.
I finally found it.
And now, no one can stop me!
Oh, we're the Mario Brothers
and plumbing's a game
We're not like the others
who get all the fame
When your sink is in trouble
You could call us on the double
We're faster than the others
You'll be hooked on the brothers
It's-a me, Mario!
And-a Luigi!
Are you tired of paying
too much for plumbing?
Mamma Mia!
That's why the
Super Mario Brothers are here.
- Out to save Brooklyn,
- and-a Queens,
and your wallet!
Thank you,
Super Mario Bros.
It seems like the only thing you
haven't drained is my bank account.
Forget the expensive plumbing companies.
So when you're just a face, with the
Super Mario Brothers, you're family.
On the brothers,
the brothers, the brothers
Wow,
you were great!
I was great?
Are you kidding me?
You were great!
I am so glad, we spent our
life savings on this commercial.
That is not a commercial!
That is cinema.
Eh, what about the accents?
Is it...
Is it too much?
Too much?!
It's-a perfect!
Wahoo!
Okay, I'm gonna trust you.
Well, well, well...
If it isn't Brooklyn's favorite failures,
the stupid Mario Brothers.
Ah, great.
Spike's here.
Hey, Spike.
Yeah, "It's-a me"!
Ooh, yeah...
Tell me...
Have you even gotten one call, since
you left me to start your dumb company?
As a matter of fact, Spike...
We have.
Wow, really?
Uh, yeah.
Our mom called and she said,
"Oh, boys! That's the best
commercial I've ever seen."
And I said,
"Thank you very much, mother.
We're very proud of it."
So, boom!
Good luck running a
business with this idiot.
Say that again about my brother,
and you're gonna regret it.
Oh, yeah?
Get this through
your tiny brain, Mario.
You're a joke!
And you always will be.
Are you insane?!
He's three times your size!
Luigi, come on.
You know, you can't
be scared all the time.
Mmm, you'd be surprised.
Hello, Super Mario Brothers.
Uh-huh.
A drip in your faucet, that's great!
I mean, that's...
That's great you called us because we
can be there and we can fix it right away.
Okay!
Mario, we got one!
The Super Mario Brothers
are in business!
Oh, no!
We're gonna be late.
No, we're not.
Come on, let's go.
Hey, wait up!
This way!
Come on, Lou.
Step on it.
Here you go.
Aw, Mario!
What are ya doing?
Hey!
Get off from there!
You can't be here!
I know!
- I'm workin' here!
- So sorry.
- Come on, Luigi.
- I'm so sorry.
I'm trying!
I got bad knees.
Oh, wow!
We have hit the big time.
The drip is right upstairs,
at the end of the hall.
Can you fix it?
Very confident, sir.
You'll be careful about making a mess.
Ma'am, I assure you.
We don't make messes,
we fix 'em.
That's Francis.
He likes you.
Mama, mama, mama,
you have your baby
Wrench.
Mhm.
And, our first job complete.
- Hey!
- Hey!
Francis is here.
Hey there, pal.
Mario!
Do something!
Mamma Mia!
Uh, Mario?
The hellhound is gonna escape!
No, it won't.
Hey, uh...
Mario?
Uh, who's a good puppy?
Who's a good boy?
Found the problem.
- Maybe, it wasn't a bad day.
- Why do you smell good?
Hey-o!
It's the Super Mario Brothers,
from the TV.
- They give an Oscar for worst actors?
- Hey!
What I do?
So, uh...
So everybody saw
the commercial then?
Uh-huh, we seen it.
- And?
- I wouldn't quit your day job.
Oops, he already did.
Well, I thought it was incredible.
It belongs in a movie theater.
Ah, mushrooms?!
Everybody loves mushrooms, right?
I love mushrooms;
I'll take it.
Mario, seriously...
What were you thinking
with that commercial?
What?!
It's supposed to be funny.
Can someone pass the bread?
Yeah, but what's
with the outfits?
Plumbers wearing white gloves?
That's right.
You gotta have a trademark.
Gotta stand out.
Don't listen to them.
The world laughed
at Da Vinci, too.
Uh, I'm not sure they did, ma.
Dad?
What did you think?
I think you're nuts.
You don't leave a steady job
for some crazy dream.
And the worst part...
You're bringing your brother down with you.
Thanks, dad.
Thanks for your support.
What I say?
- Thanks for tuning in.
- NEW YORK TRAFFIC REPORHey.
Nah, you're not bringing me down.
You know what!
What do they know, huh?
It's not just them.
Our whole lives, everyone's telling us,
you can't do this, you can't do that.
Sick and tired of feeling so small.
A water main burst underground today.
Stopping subway service
and flooding downtown Brooklyn.
Everything is under control,
I promise you.
- We are very close to fixing this.
- PIPELINE FAILURE FLOODS BROOKLYN
- Out of the way!
- It's alright!
Somebody help!
Somebody save Brooklyn!
Save Brooklyn?
Luigi...
This is our chance!
Destiny is calling!
Destiny del Monchu
from high school?
What?
No!
Just come on.
I got this.
They're not even
looking in the right place.
Come on, Lou.
You are not seriously considering...
Mario!
We got to get to
that pressure valve.
Mario, really?
I knew saving Brooklyn was a bad idea.
Come on.
Woah!
What is this place?
Looks like nobody's been
down here for years.
Luigi?
Luigi, are you in there?
Luigi!
What?
Luigi!
Mario!
Gimme your hand!
It's all gonna be okay!
How is this gonna be okay?!
I'm telling you!
Nothing can hurt us,
as long as we're together!
Mario!
Luigi!
Do not touch that mushroom!
You'll die!
Oh, I'm sorry.
That one's perfectly fine.
Ah, it's a little mushroom man.
A little mushroom man,
talking to me.
Pleased to meet ya!
I'm Toad.
Uh, Mario.
So this uh...
This is, this is not a dream?
That hurt, right?
Yes!
Definitely, not a dream.
Then, then...
- This place is...
- The Mushroom Kingdom!
Mushrooms, really?
Now, that is a cruel twist of fate.
Hello.
Yeah, I'm actually looking for somebody.
My brother, in fact.
He looks exactly like me,
but tall, and skinny, and green.
See, last time I saw him,
he was falling through a pipe.
It was foggy and I believe there was lava.
Uh, that is not good.
Umm...
Your brother has landed in the Dark Lands.
They're under Bowser's control.
Bowser?
He's the most evil,
wretched creature alive.
I'm taking you to see the princess.
She can help.
She can do anything.
Princess?
Come on, Mario!
Our big adventure begins now!
Hang on, Luigi.
Mario?
Mario?
Where are you?
Huh?
Haha!
Yes!
You just got a-Luigi'd.
This way, Mario!
The princess is right up that hill.
Excuse me, everybody.
Coming through.
Got a big adventure happening, right now.
Clear a path for us.
- If I could just...
- Here you go.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, everybody!
Coming through!
This guy's brother is
going to die imminently!
Out of the way, please!
Just trying to clear a path.
That's all I'm doing.
He's gonna be fine.
- Shake Shroom!
- Morning!
Nice to see ya, bud.
Does this thing work?
Yeah, it works great.
Hey, you just have to blow into it.
And...
Up, we go.
Wait, up?
Okay, so these bricks
are just floating here?
Just pop in this pipe
and we're on our way.
The only way to fly, man.
Oh, wow.
Love these pipes.
Aw, come on!
Here we are.
Palace doors.
Bing, bang, boom.
Come on, haha.
Woo!
Woah.
Pretty impressive,
am I right?
Hold it right there, you two.
Oh, hey.
I need to see the princess.
It's an emergency.
What princess?
I never heard of any princess.
Oh, wait.
I did.
Our princess, though,
is in another castle.
Oh, yeah. That's right.
You should try
another castle, maybe.
She ain't in this one.
Huh?
Okay, so they're
messing with you.
And...
I don't like it.
What do you guys, um...
What you wanna eat?
Anything your heart desires.
Go!
And we're gonna scramble it up.
- Hey!
- Intruder!
Stop him!
- Intruder!
- Stop him!
Back to work!
We know!
Stop him!
Council, your attention!
Bowser has found the Super Star
and is headed toward our Kingdom.
Its power will
make him invincible.
We will be destroyed.
Princess, what are we gonna do?
I will not let him hurt you.
We are going to stop Bowser.
How?
Look at us...
We're adorable.
I'm going to convince the
great Kong Army to help us.
Together, we'll annihilate that monster.
Their mad king doesn't make alliances.
The Kongs will never agree.
I can convince him.
I'll leave for the Jungle Kingdom,
in the morning.
Good luck, Princess.
For all our sakes.
Princess...
Princess, I...
Wait!
Release him.
Are you...
He's a human!
I mean...
You are human, right?
- It's just, you're so small.
- Hey!
Wait, wait, wait.
Let's go back.
Where did you come from?
Me and my little brother, Luigi.
We fell down this pipe.
And now, he's lost,
somewhere in the Dark Lands.
Then, it's only a matter of time
until he's captured by Bowser.
But you're in luck.
I'm on my way to stop him.
Well, take me with you.
This guy's a lunatic.
A psycho.
He will eat you for breakfast.
He won't even notice it probably.
Cause you're very, very small.
You know what,
make fun of me all you want.
But you're gonna help me find my brother.
Please?
Okay.
Let's see what you're made of.
Is that a yes?
No.
That's a, "Let's see what you're made of".
If you can finish this,
you're coming with me.
Watch and learn.
That was amazing.
Wait...
How am I supposed to do that?
With the power-ups.
They give us special abilities.
Ugh!
Really?!
Go on...
Eat it.
Ugh!
Now, this has to be a mushroom?
Cause I just,
hate mushrooms and...
Okay, okay...
Are you sure
there's not like a...
Down the hatch!
Yep, there it is. And all gone.
Not cool!
I'm tall.
And strong.
And, you can jump.
I got this.
No problem.
Oh, yeah.
When you get hit,
you lose the power.
Great...
Come on, try again.
Well...
We have a long journey
ahead of us, moustache.
But I didn't make it.
You almost did.
No one gets it right away.
How many tries did it take you?
Oh! So many...
I was not good at it.
Worse than you.
You got it right away, didn't you?
I got it right away, but I grew up here.
Okay.
Now, you're just trying
to make me feel better.
No!
No...
Is it working?
A little bit, yeah.
My army!
Koopas!
Goombas!
Whatever those things are.
After years of searching for
the Super Star, it is finally ours!
I am now, the most
powerful turtle in the world!
Soon, we will arrive at
the Mushroom Kingdom.
Where after years of being sworn enemies,
I will ask their princess to
marry me in a fairy tale wedding!
Yeah...
Did he say marry their princess?
Doesn't she hate you?
Of course, she hates me.
But that makes me love her, all the more.
Her heart-shaped bangs.
The way she floats in the breeze.
Her immovable tiara.
And when she sees this Star...
Oh, ho, ho, ho,
wedding bells.
Well, what if she says no?
Then, I will power up with this Star
and destroy the Mushroom Kingdom.
Prepare yourselves
for the best wedding ever.
It's gonna rock!
They're all counting on us.
No pressure.
My toads!
Our days of terror are almost over.
With the help of the Kong Army,
we will stop...
Uh...
Who's he?
He's not important!
Nervous?
Who, me?
Yes...
A little.
We're going on an adventure
Come on, guys!
Hey, Mario!
You know this guy?
- Uh...
- We're best friends.
But are we?
Don't worry.
I will protect you.
A toad, brave enough to join me.
I fear nothing.
Well, that settles it.
You're coming with us.
- Let's move!
- Haha!
I said, we're going on an adventure
Pretty incredible, huh?
Mamma Mia.
I'll never let anyone ruin this.
Peach, you're so cool
And with my Star, we're gonna rule
Peach, understand
I'm gonna love you 'til the very end
Peaches, Peaches,
Peaches-Peaches-Peaches
I love you
Oh!
Peaches! Peaches!
Sir?
What?
A report from our intelligence.
A mustachioed human has
arrived in the Mushroom Kingdom.
The princess has been training him.
They are up to something, sire.
Sit...
Jam with me.
This human...
Where did he come from?
We...
aren't sure?
Does the princess like him?
Sire...
Look in the mirror!
You have nothing to worry about.
I know that.
I'm not threatened.
Find out who he is,
and what they're plotting!
I'm on it, sire.
May I lift the cover?
Not yet.
Pain is the best teacher.
Thinking about your brother?
We've never been apart this long.
Don't worry...
We're going to save him.
You don't seem,
like you're from here.
I don't know where I'm from.
Really?
Yep.
My earliest memory is arriving.
I was so lucky they found me.
They took me in...
Raised me, like one of their own...
And, when I was ready...
they made me their princess.
Hey, maybe, you're from my world.
There's a huge universe out there,
with a lot of galaxies.
We found him in the Dark Lands.
Leave him to me.
What is your name?
Uh...
Luigi.
Not sure if you know who I am,
but I'm about to marry
a princess and rule the world.
Wow!
Yay...
But there's one problem, Luigi.
There's a human
traveling with my fiance.
Has a mustache,
just like you.
Do you know him?
No.
No!
Ah! A tough one, I see.
Maybe, this will get you to talk.
Do you think I know every
human being with a mustache,
wearing an identical outfit, with a hat
with the letter of his first name on it?
Because I don't.
- Do you know him?!
- Yes!
Stop! Stop!
That's how I know him.
Yes, I know him.
Yeah.
He's my brother, Mario.
And he's the best guy in the world!
Do princesses find him attractive?
They do, if we have good teeth!
Get him out of my sight!
We'll see how tough this Mario is,
when he watches me kill his brother!
Where am I?
Home.
Pay him no heed.
He is cute,
but he is...
In an insane world,
it is the sane who is called crazy.
How long you guys been in here?
Time...
Like hope, is an illusion.
Please, we are depressed enough!
There's gotta be a way out of here.
There's no escape.
The only hope,
is the sweet relief of death.
No!
Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
You ready?
Eh...
Sure?
What...
How you doing?
We are here to see the king.
Follow me.
That gorilla's
wearing a sports cup.
I feel underdressed.
Hop in.
Oh, by all means, come in.
Great and mighty Cranky Kong.
So, I heard you want my army.
Yes, your Highness.
Without your help,
the Mushroom Kingdom will be annihilated.
What makes you think,
you're worthy of fighting alongside,
the greatest army in the world!
Because we have heart.
And with your strength...
We can win.
Okay, fine.
That's it?
No, that's not it.
The answer is no.
Goodbye.
If the Mushroom Kingdom falls,
the Jungle Kingdom is next.
We're not leaving,
without your army.
Who is this guy?
Oh, he makes me laugh.
Alright, tough guy.
You want my army so badly.
Defeat my son,
in the great ring of Kong!
Give us a second.
This is a really, really bad idea.
Well, do you have another way
to save my brother?
Are you two done whispering?
It's a little rude.
You, sir, have a deal.
I'll fight your son, and win.
I'm sure you will.
I'm DK.
I'm Donkey Kong.
Oh, yeah.
Hi, dad!
No, don't!
Don't do that!
Dad, wave back!
Enough with the showboating!
What do you mean?!
They like it!
It's what they came here for!
Dancing pecs!
Okay, simmer down.
I said, simmer down!
DK! DK!
That means you, Diddy Kong!
D...
Sorry.
Now...
Since I want this fight to
last more than five seconds,
I put power-ups
around the arena.
You're welcome, Mario.
I don't need anything special
to break every bone in your tiny body.
All right.
Oh, my...
Okay...
Guess you're not getting my army.
Is this what you came for?!
I love you, DK!
Hi, dad!
Love you!
It is on,
like Donkey Kong!
You're about to pick on
someone, your own size.
I guess, he got the wrong mushroom.
Get up, Mario!
Had enough?
Not even close.
Mario...
It's-a me...
The box...
He looks adorable.
He really does.
Oh, what?
I'm a cat?
You got the cat box!
Oh, my...
Oh, I'm sorry...
I'm sorry.
Okay...
Now, you die.
I'm a cat.
Meow.
Had enough?
Not even close.
I'll take that as a yes.
Yes!
That's my best friend!
Mario! Mario! Mario!
Yeah, yeah...
That was incredible!
He kept beating you senseless,
and you just kept getting back up?
You just don't know when to quit.
Huh...
Well, never thought of that
as a good thing.
It's a great thing.
Thanks.
I...
I let him win,
just for the record.
Really, though?
Why would you do that?
You want to know why?
It's, mind your own business,
that's why!
Alright, giant monkey.
Enough!
Get inside!
We've located Bowser's ship.
He's gonna arrive at
the Mushroom Kingdom, by sundown.
Lucky for you, guys.
I got a shortcut.
We beat him there and ambush him.
Yeah, I know.
That's why, we're gonna need karts!
Well, what are you waiting for?
Pick your karts!
I hate you.
To the Mushroom Kingdom,
and the biggest fight of our lives.
Here we go!
Princess Peach...
Here we are...
I guess, love really makes
a guy come out of his shell.
Let's rule the world, together.
Forever...
Will you marry me?
Oh, yes!
What?!
We have found the princess
and the mustachioed human.
He has defeated Donkey Kong,
and won the Kong Army.
So, like Peach was
super impressed?
It appears so, yes.
They are heading
toward the secret passage!
Oh, they think
they can surprise me, huh?
Two can play at that game.
Um...
No one panic,
but the road is about to end.
Well then, you better step
on the gas and buckle up!
Woo-hoo!
Is there anything like this, in your world?
What?!
Is there anything like this, in your world?!
No...
We don't drive on rainbows.
What are you gonna tell me next?
That the turtles aren't evil?
No, no.
They're usually pets.
No way!
Yeah! Come to Brooklyn,
I'll buy you a turtle.
Maybe, I will.
Dude, is this you flirting?!
This is painful!
Listen, I was trying to be nice.
You are so embarrassing!
A princess would never go out with you!
Yes, she would!
I guarantee, she would!
Guys!
Enough!
Alright, alright.
Charge!
It's an ambush!
Defensive position!
Mario...
You're a dead man!
Split up!
Mario!
Haha!
I'm too cute to die!
That is how you princess!
Time to die, Mario.
See ya!
No!
Woo-hoo!
Haha!
Yeah!
You, can't escape me.
What?
Blue shell!
No!
No, Mario...
No!
No...
No!
Oh, no!
No...
Get your clown claws off of me!
Goodbye, Mario.
We have to get home.
Hey, this is your fault!
My fault?
- You're the one...
- Stop talking!
I don't want the last thing I hear,
before I die, to be your...
Mario...
You saved my life.
Yeah, well...
I won't tell anyone.
Good, please don't.
Okay...
Uh...
Did you just feel something?
Swim!
Browser's on his way.
You have to evacuate.
Hurry!
Get out of the city!
Princess?
We lost the Army,
and Mario's gone.
Bowser is coming.
Head into the forest!
I'll buy you some time.
You heard her!
Evacuate the city!
Go with the others.
I said, I wouldn't let anyone hurt you.
Just leave it!
There's no time!
Princess Peach...
Brave as ever.
As you can see,
I have the Super Star.
If you're going to use it...
Use it now!
No, Princess...
I stole this Star for us.
I guess, love really makes
a guy come out of his shell.
I told you that line wouldn't work.
You're doing great!
Peaches, with this Star,
we will be invincible.
We can rule the world together, forever.
Will you marry me?
Marry you?
Are you insane?!
I would never marry you!
Maybe, you should reconsider.
No!
Stop!
Please, stop!
I'll marry you,
just don't hurt my toads!
You have my word.
Haha, time for a wedding!
Life is sad
Prison is sad
Life and prison is very, very sad
Ooh, fresh meat for the grinder.
Who's this ray of sunshine?
There's no sunshine...
only darkness.
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Hello, prisoners...
You don't deserve this, but you're
invited to the Royal Wedding!
Yay!
Where you will all be
ritualistically sacrificed.
Oh, no, no, no.
Finally, mercy.
Mario...
So, this is the end...
Being slowly digested by an eel,
next to an idiot in overalls.
Well, at least, your brother
isn't gonna die because of you.
Least, you're not gonna die,
with your dad thinking you're a joke.
Yeah, well, my dad thinks I'm a joke too.
Yeah, well...
Your dad's right!
You know what,
I feel bad enough.
Just, just, leave me alone.
I've never met your dad,
but he sounds brilliant!
Just go in a corner and
smash some stuff, smash monkey.
I, am, more, than a guy,
who smashes things!
That was amazing!
Now, we're even.
Princess...
I got it!
Great job.
Couldn't have you going out
there without your bouquet.
It's perfect.
I'll be sacrificing them in your honor.
Lower the prisoners!
Dearly beloved...
Huh?
Drama...
You really thought
I'd marry you?
Kinda...
I'd never marry a monster.
Then we are breaking up, right now!
They gotta be up there.
Fire!
You wanna do this?
Yes, I do.
Yes!
Fire!
This is fun!
Ha, loser!
Hey, what does this do?
Cool raccoon suit.
- Really?
- Not at all!
Whee!
Boo...
- Lou!
- Mario?!
I told ya!
See...
As long as we're together,
everything is gonna be okay.
Mario, why do you look like a bear?
What is this?
Ya did good, kid.
Make your pecs dance,
you deserve it.
No time now.
Definitely, later.
Launch the Bomber Bill and
destroy the Mushroom Kingdom!
No...
Hey, hey...
Hey, over here.
You asked for it.
Hello...
Really?
Follow me.
Come on...
Little closer...
Mamma Mia!
Huh?
That's beautiful.
You make this right.
Huh?
Huh?
Brooklyn?
Mario?!
You almost dented my...
Mario!
Don't you want this?
You ruined my wedding!
I was finally gonna be happy!
Now, you will suffer...
like me!
You really thought you could stop me?
You worthless, weak little nothing.
Come out and fight!
Or are you too scared?
Just what I thought.
Mamma Mia!
That's why the
Super Mario Brothers are here.
Out to save Brooklyn...
Save Brooklyn...
Brooklyn...
Save Brooklyn...
Let's-a go.
Hey!
Leave him alone.
Mario...
You just don't know when you quit.
Yeah...
I've been told that before.
Mario!
The Star!
No!
That's mine!
Lou...
Nothing can hurt us,
as long as we're together.
No!
Rip 'em to pieces!
Oh, hey, Spike.
Luigi?!
Mamma Mia.
Peaches...
Listen, this is not the way I pictured it,
but give me one more chance.
Ew, no.
No, no, no, no.
Hey...
Hey!
That is not cool!
Ah, he got the blue mushroom!
See...
Told you, I'd get you a pet turtle.
Not bad, mustache.
And Luigi,
you're so brave.
Oh, thanks.
Yeah, it's kind of my thing.
Ah, my boys!
- My heroes!
- Wahoo!
Mario...
You were amazing!
Thanks, dad.
Ah, bring it in!
Let's hear it, for
the Super Mario Brothers!
These are my boys!
Ha-hey!
Wahoo!
- Hey!
- Hey!
BROOKLYN SAVED
- Morning!
- Hello!
Now, that's a happy ending.
Or is it?
Because everything's over now.
And all that's left is you
and the infinite void.
Kind of makes you
want to play saxophone, huh?
Mario, Luigi, and a Donkey Kong, too
A thousand troops of Koopas
couldn't keep me from you
Princess Peach, at the end of the line
I'll make you mine!
Oh!
Peaches, Peaches,
Peaches-Peaches-Peaches
I love you, oh!
Hey!
Quiet in there!
Light's out, little guy.
Hey, you can't treat me like this!
Do you know who I am?!
I am Bow...