The Swap (2016) Movie Script
1
-How am I doing?
-Killing it, man.
Keep working on rebounding
from the hit
and there'll be three
Malloys on varsity.
-Come on, dude! Gimme the puck!
-No, gimme the puck!
-Jack!
-Four if you count your dad.
Jack, "it's not whether
you get knocked down;
it's whether you get
back up." Vince lombardi.
"But ya gotta get up
quicker." Coach Malloy.
Son or not, if you don't
recover quicker,
you're not making my team.
Understood, coach.
Will work on my post-
check rallying, sir.
So,
sassy met Aspen
at fashionista
glam camp this summer.
No big shocker there.
No wonder. I thought
it was weird that Aspen
just transferred in and sassy's
already under her spell.
Fashionista glam camp.
What do they even do there?
Who knows
and who cares?
Ok, girls, hustle in!
Ok, we are going
to make a shift.
Claire, I'm gonna be working
with you today, Ellie,
you're gonna spot MacKenzie,
and Aspen,
you're gonna spot sassy.
What?! But coach, sassy and i
have been practice partners
-since, like, forever.
-Don't exaggerate, El.
Like, only since
kindergarten.
Ok, but Aspen
is new to town--
-from New York!
-Buffalo, New York.
-It's still New York.
-It is still New York.
And she and sassy are just a
better physical match, ok?
Ok, moving on!
Ok. Focus zone.
First varsity,
then early acceptance
into Boston college,
-then drafted by the bruins--
-yeah, I've seen "the list",
-jackattack.
-Bro,
don't worry about coach.
You're cruising past everyone.
But keep an eye
on dumbledork over there.
Who, Porter? He's been
trying to escape j.V.
Since we were sophomores.
He'd knock his own
grandmother's teeth out
just to keep another Malloy
from getting a spot.
Yo, you got this, bro.
Girls, it is time to put
your big girl leotards on,
because the rumors
they're true.
-Trumors.
-The school
is making budget cuts
and is eliminating
one of the sports teams,
so it is between the
badminton team -gross,
i know, ew- and us.
So if we don't win big on
Sunday against silver leaf
high, and I mean big,
they are gonna
demote us to a club.
-A club?
-That's what I said.
- Like chess, or thespians?
-For serious?
This is tragical!
-Coach, they can't do that!
My dad, uh, people will
never drive halfway across
the state to see a club!
I know that, and...
Aw, come on!
Oh, my goodness!
Are you alright, Carol?
That was my mistake.
I was aiming for your neck.
-Aim for your
neck next time!
-That doesn't make sense.
I will come over there,
i will break you in half!
Ok, you guys, you're
gonna be fine. I mean,
with Ellie as
your old powerhouse
and Aspen as your new
powerhouse, how
can you lose?
Jack, be the puck!
Be the stick!
Be the puck and the stick
and the space in between!
-Are you listening?
-Wha...?
Not looking, listening!
Not so tough for a coach's
kid, are you, Malloy?
You can't even take a hit.
I can take a hit, Porter,
and I'll take that last
varsity spot too.
- Yeah!
Listen up, shmelts!
Bring it in!
Ok, decent job. But
whoever's gonna get
that last varsity spot,
I'm gonna need to see
your a-game, and that's
not just on the ice,
but off it, too!
No horseplayin',
no highjinksin',
and definitely no
unsportsmanlike
shenanigangin'!
We've got two more days
of tryouts, boys.
Show me what you're made of!
You wanna rescue this team,
don't you? Yeah.
You do. Everything you need
is inside you right now.
You just have to find it.
You're not little girls
anymore!
You're men now! The world's
gonna be your oyster!
You're women, hear you roar!
- Right?
- And all you've gotta do...
- -Is not blow it!
Don't leave me hanging here.
Yes! Don't blow it!
Yeah! Don't blow it, boys!
Don't blow it! Don't
blow it! Don't blow it!
Good job, you guys.
But don't leave me
next time that long, right?
'Cause for me,
that's very awkward.
Oh, he's coming down! Oh!
We've got nothing.
Dude, ya gotta chop that
salad. You practically
got a man bun going.
-Nobody's touching
my hair, dude.
-Come on,
it's a varsity tradition.
Plus it might help you
with your "lady troubles".
Shut it.
-Quit bustin'
his chops, Sally.
-Who you chirpin' at, Mary?
Aw, you gonna cry, baby butter?
-Man up!
-Not crying.
Champ.
Oh! You might cry
when coach sees that!
-Yeah, thanks, guys.
-Oh, little bro
pushing back!
Broskinator. Here.
I know it's pink,
but at least it still
has service. Coach said
he didn't shut it off
because he paid the year
in advance,
but I think
he just couldn't.
Nah, it's ok. I'll just go
off the grid for
a little while.
How's he gonna text you
his inspirational quotes?
'Sides, I already
transferred your number.
Mom sure did love
her sparkles.
Hey, what soon-to-be varsity
athlete doesn't want a
twinkly sequined lady phone?
Mom? What's with the car?
Oh, I feng shui-ed it,
honey, to give you a
stronger life force
for the big weekend
coming up!
-I'm excited.
Are you so excited?
-Yeah.
Oh, I got that.
Let's go!
Sweetie, won't you let me
get you a new phone?
Your dad left that ancient thing
behind for a reason.
It's not ancient. It's...
Retro-chic.
I just think you're attaching
too much significance
to an inanimate object.
"Mystical religions 101." Early
shamans knew investing too much
emotional energy in an object...
Could make it a totem
and give it power over you.
Mom, it's a cell phone,
not gollum's ring.
Hey, Jacko! You're 30
seconds late for "one-on-one
truck time" with coach.
-He's pulling up now. You
know how he hates to wait.
-Come on, buddy.
"Better three hours too soon
than a minute late."
Shakespeare.
Not even an athlete.
Not with those pantaloony
things he wore.
Yes, sir. Probably not, sir.
Would it really be so bad
if the team became a club?
I was in Spanish club and
it was "muy divertido"!
And MacKenzie is
in stem club, isn't she?
At least it would be something
new, and "new" is good.
New moons, new experiences,
perhaps a new best friend?
-Sassy's my best friend.
-Well, maybe you could
let some new energy in.
I mean, isn't that
what sassy's doing?
Thanks.
Have such a good day,
sweetie! Mommy loves you.
-Bye, mom.
-'Sup, dog breath?
-'Sup, dork chop?
Good to see you, bud.
Hey! 'Sup, hot mama?
News flash?
Skirts don't have legs.
-So embarrassing...
-Amirite?
-There. We good?
-Not really.
Sass, come on, you know we
always wear our tracksuits
the Friday before a meet.
-Rg pride, right?
-Yeah! Wish I hadn't caved.
Uh, yeah, we did, like,
make a pact last year...
Well, I wasn't here last year
to lead a fashion rescue,
- now was I?
Ooh, sassy, look!
It's your future first
husband, Jack Malloy!
You like Jack?
You didn't tell me.
Does he even know
who you are?
Have you never heard
of a vision board?
Jack is all over hers.
-Go ahead, do it
like we practiced.
-Ok.
-Jack, here comes a girl!
-Say something.
Hey, guys.
Heeeyyyy, jaaaaack.
Uh...
Uh...
Ha...
Well, at least this time you
opened your mouth, bromigo.
Yeah. Maybe next time
words will come out.
Ooh, I love the strong
silent type!
Nice phone, Malloy. You use that
to schedule your mani-pedis?
Hey, I was thinkin'.
Doesn't coach have a rule,
if you start a fight
you can't be on varsity?
-You oughta know, you've
tried out three times.
-Actually, four times.
Did sophomore year twice, idiot.
Go ahead, ladies first!
Then it'll look like you started
it when I show the video to
coach. Or does that even matter?
Don't all Malloys get
a free ride onto varsity?
Ha, worked better than
i expected. Oh, man.
Say goodbye to
your dreams, buddy.
Seriously?! I've had a milk
mustache since lunch?!
You think things with Ellie
are tough now? It's only
gonna get worse, babe.
I mean, people like us
have to make legit tough
decisions sometimes.
I know, I know.
I wish Ellie'd just get it
without me having to be all
-super awk obvious.
-It's kind of sad, actually.
Almost as sad as that ponytail.
I mean, what is she, 12? Oh,
and daddy's heirloom phone?
Why is she so attached
to that thing?
-Like, move on already!
-Yeah, I mean,
it was super sad
when her dad left, but,
like, life goes on and...
Ooh, is that
"paparazzi pucker"?
No, it's called
"lip glossip". Try it!
Maybe I can just tell her
she's being too clingy
and she'll, like,
change? I mean,
I don't want to actually
hurt her feelings.
Ok, ok, fine, give her
one more chance, keep her
on social life support.
But if she's her typical
buzzkill self at Claire's
party, it might be time
to pull the plug. Beep.
Beep. Beep.
Beeeeep.
It's my lucky day.
I got a crier and a kid
with a bloody nose.
Here. Wipe off
the tears, kid.
You took quite a hit, didn't
you, hon? You want cry?
We won't tell anybody.
Not crying. Not a girl.
No offense.
None taken.
Oh, that makes it
less offensive?
"Not crying". Yeah,
'cause you've got nothing
to cry about! I mean,
you're a guy, aren't you?
If someone disses you,
you don't have to hide
in a bathroom stall.
-Guys have it so easy!
-Ok, pull it back, pit bull!
In what universe
do guys have it easy?
If some ginosaurus tricked
you into a fight, think
people'd blame you?!
No, you'd just get all emo
then hug it out with your
mom in the kitchen
-while you bake
banana bread or...
-Ok, zip it.
You wanna fight
the battle of the sexes?
Why don't you just text,
like every other kid does?
No more yakking
in my office.
-This one's hers,
mine is the pink one.
-I don't care and I mean it.
Keep those Mac'n'cheese
holes shut.
Fine, you wanna goof off,
I'm gonna go to the snack
bar, get myself some
pork rinds.
I love pork rinds.
Why am I on the floor?
Did I forget deodorant?
I smell like a dude.
And why does my thumb taste
like athletic tape and dirt?
What the what? Wait,
who painted my fingernails?
You... you stole my face!
You stole my whole body!
How'd you get inside?
How'd I get inside?
This is like a nightmare!
I feel so grimy!
Dude! Slap me,
and I'll slap you,
and we'll see if we can slap
each other -ourselves-
back to reality!
Ok.
-Ow!
-Oh!
Oh, sorry! Boy hands
just hit so hard!
Ew, why am I so sweaty
in weird places?
-What is the purpose
of underarm hair?
-Dude, focustrate!
What exactly were we doing
right before this...
This thing happened?
Texting. We were texting!
-"I wish I had your life..."
- "Take it. Then
I'd get yours."
We did this!
No! No! It's just a stupid text!
I once texted a wish
that I could power fart myself
across the ice and trust me,
that didn't happen!
Ok, you're right. I mean, a text
can't have that kind of power.
Investing too much emotional
energy in an object could make
it a totem and give it power
-over you.
-But wait! A totem can!
That phone! Is it, like,
special to you in some way?
I guess. Yeah. I mean... it
belonged to somebody special.
I can't believe it. My mom
isn't crazy after all.
She took this class on mystical
religions, and if you put
too much emotional energy
into one object, you could turn
it into a totem, and then it
could have power over you.
Bro, no way, that is nuts!
We just swapped bodies!
You got a better theory,
Mr. lady?
Ok, we gotta
un-text our wish!
Maybe it's the second part of
the text? We said our lives
would be better
if we were each other.
But we didn't mean it!
Your mom must have a book from
that class, right? So we sneak
over to your house and--
I can't sneak anywhere! My
mom's, like, got her pilot's
license in helicopter parenting!
- Ok, ok!
We gotta fake being each other
till we can get there!
Speed coaching,
one on one, let's do this!
-Ew! Don't get
your spit all over it!
-Technically it's your spit,
but... oh, who cares? Focus
zone!
Oh, just lemme do it!
Ok, fine, whatever, me first.
Hockey is my life.
I live with my dad
and twin brothers.
-You live with all guys?!
- We call my dad coach,
and we exercise a lot,
like, a lot a lot. Ah!
Sorry! Ok, me. I live
with my mom, she's
a yoga instructor
and she schedules, like,
her entire life around me.
-I specialize in the ribbon
in rhythmic gymnastics.
-Is that what it's called?
I've seen you girls jumping
around or whatever.
It's called practice!
R.G. Is a totally legit sport!
-Ah! Don't yank,
twinkle toes!
-What now, highlights?
Get out.
I think you might need glasses
for your eyeballs, I'm getting
vertigo. I think I'm gonna puke.
No puking in my body! Ugh,
how do you carry yourself
around on these feet?
No! She can't see us
together! She likes y... and
she can't think I like...
Can't break girl code!
Just get away, get away!
Heeeeeyyyy, jaaaaaack.
Oh! Uh... hey there,
miss sassy.
Ohh, so you do know my name!
Um, Ellie? What
are you doing here?
Uhh.
Mmmmaaa. Suh... suh...
See? Buzzkiller.
I'm gonna make my mom late
for bikram belly dancing.
And as we all know, bikram
is amazeballs. So let's go.
I hope to see you soon,
Mr. Malloy.
What was that?!
"Uhh... maaa... suh-suh"?
I just, I'm not used to being
a girl, ok? I choked!
Where's the "we're gonna have
to fake it" guy? I mean,
she's my best friend
and we're... going
through a thing right now
-and you can't
make things worse!
- Ok, just don't lose it!
'Cause nothing would make things
worse for me than my father
or anyone else seeing my body
blubbering like that!
-Sorry if I have
real emotions, ok?
-Shh! Come on, this way!
Malloy! Guess
where I'm headed?
Over to a viewing party
with coach,
a.K.A.K... a.,
-your daddy.
-What is your problem, dude?
Why can't you just
leave me, her,
him alone? Stop
spreading your misery, man!
A firecracker, aren't ya?
What's your name, tracksuit?
Uh... Ellie?
Ellie. I'm Porter. Hi.
It's a pleasure. Please
tell me you're not with him.
-No way. Not even possible.
-You like donuts, Ellie?
I got a little buy a dozen get
one free coupon for donut diggs.
Maybe I can give you my freebie?
Tomorrow A.M.?
Yes! But, uh...
Heeeeeeyyyy, pooooorrrrty...
-I'm gonna be sick.
-I'd looovvve
to go out for a fried pastry.
You know,
if you do me a solid
and don't show Jack's
dad that video thingy.
S'pose it can wait
one more day.
Alright then.
10am manana.
"Porty". That's awesome.
Ugh! I need a disinfecting bath.
I am not going out with "porty",
and neither is my body!
Hey, if I have to be a girl,
I'll at least use it to make
things better for the guy-me.
-Alright, but
we gotta split up.
-Hey, jackalope!
Let's go. But call me.
Man, I don't know how
you're gonna make it
through tryouts today.
You can't blow this!
My whole future
depends on hockey!
Yeah, well, rhythmic
is everything to me,
and my dad is driving out
for my meet on Sunday!
So, ditto, like, times 100!
I think I can handle
flipping some ribbons
and doing somersaults.
Seriously? That's what
you think we do? Ow!
The rhinestones
on this thing are
cutting up my face.
Which could use some serious
exfoliation, by the way.
I told you,
you gotta keep sparkly
and I gotta keep this...
Relic until everything's
settled!
If my dad called and i
answered with this chick
voice, we'd be toast!
Ok, my brothers gunner and
stryker are picking me up.
Gunner, stryker and Jack?
They run out of cool names
at the cool name store?
Coach picked their names,
my mom picked my...
Just look for
a blue truck, ok?
Alright, and you look for a yoga
type lady in a red bubble car.
Ok. I'll call you after
practice when I get
the totem book.
-Good luck.
-Good luck.
Ellie! What are you doing?
That is so dangerous!
Yes, sir! Sorry, sir!
I mean, lady. Ma'am.
Mom.
Hey, Jacko! Come on! What
are you waiting for,
an invitation?
OMG. This is a thing?
'Sup, champ? First day
on the new legs?
You know I can't resist that
little puppy face of yours.
All is forgiven.
This is so weird.
So! How was your day?
Uh... totally unreal.
Awesome! So, who d'you sit with
at lunch? What'd you talk about?
Claire's mom told me all about
the party tomorrow night.
Is everybody super excited?
I would be so super excited.
She told me it's a Paris theme.
Ooh la la, that sounds amazing!
We should get you
a new dress.
So what do you say, shaggy?
Chop-chop for the fuh-fuh?
You up for it?
Chopping the salad?
Uh... I guess?
Seriously? Sweet!
Stryke is going to flip!
Little buddy.
What? No way am i
putting this thing on.
Over my dead girl body.
Five, six, seven, eight,
and reaching up into
the sky. Chin up.
You gotta keep your chin up
in life. And...
Five, six, seven, eight,
and kick, two, three, four,
and point, toes, toes, toes,
like your life depends on it.
And reaching up into the sky,
reach, reach, hold your toes
as much as you can. It's really
hard, it hurts me to watch.
And reaching over,
and hold that hug, hug,
and... huh.
Ellie?
What? I got chilly.
Freak just keeps
getting freakier.
Right. No, it's not appropriate.
No. Here we go:
Five, six, seven, eight,
and reaching up to the sky
like "what have I done
with my life?" And kick,
two, three, four.
Whoa!
Oh, what is that? It smells
like someone boiled a
cabbage in a sweat sock!
Yeah, stryke had
the chili at lunch.
Dude! Heard you're gonna
let me mow the flow!
That deserves a bropile!
Alright, alright.
Time to trim the fringe.
What?
Hey, it's Jack. Leave
a message. Or don't.
I would kill you, Jack
Malloy, but I can't
live without you.
Hit me back.
I'm sorry, Jack, I just...
I can't get yelled at
right now.
Alright, sport, go grab
your bucket and breezers,
we'll fire you up
-a protein shake
before tryouts.
-Right, my...
Bucket and... breezer..
Breezers.
Ok.
So, can we talk
about the phone again?
Oh yeah! You mean about the
totem thing? Awesome!
Let's break it down.
Oh, Ellie! I'm so glad we're on
the same wavelength about this!
So let's say this totem had
some kind of power over you.
What would you need to do
to, like, un-power it?
Funny you should ask!
'Cause I did exactly that!
I deactivated your flip
phone and got you a new one!
-Deactivated?!
-Well, the switch won't be
official until Sunday.
-Sunday?!
-It seemed
like perfect timing,
because we're on the cusp
of a harvest moon...
-Harvest moon?
-And that's when the old
data plan expires.
-Expires?!
Sweetheart, your aura
seems to have an echo.
Nooooooo!!!
My hair!
-Bro!
-Babe? Now your aura is yelling.
Whoa.
The bros finally
got ya, huh?
Now c'mon, suit up! Your dad
wants you on the ice, man.
My dad? Oh, right.
Let's go, ladies!
"You either hack it, or you
pack it!" The great santini.
That's Jack's dad? Poor Jack.
Poor me.
Dude. Sorry. I think
i took your mouth guard.
What? I got germs
or something?
It's not my mouth, it's not
my mouth, it's not my mouth...
We're stopping?
But there's this book
i really need to read!
I told you last night, honey.
Dr. Baker. For your team
physical.
Say what now, lady?
Ok! Drills today,
rest day tomorrow,
and then scrimmage against
varsity for the final
tryouts on Sunday.
Show me what you got!
Ah!!
Ow!!
Hockey sticks, that's
a slam shot to the puck!
Ah!!!
Oh, letter b.
Oh my gosh, dude,
that is so cold.
Ok, Ellie, you can
take the mask off now.
I just don't like looking
at needles or other things
that aren't technically
my right to look at.
Ooh! Sorry.
You seem a little off.
Your mom told me about
what's been going on.
I know dad leaving was
rough. Losing a parent
is so hard.
Who exactly was I looking at
on that ice in there?
Uh, just little old me, sir.
Jack Malloy... sir.
It's my own fault.
"Expecting is my greatest crime
and disappointment is always
my punishment." Author unknown.
-But not unwise.
-Look, sir,
I know I totally blew it today,
but I'm really hoping
I'm gonna be back to myself
soon. Like, really soon.
I'm wondering if I should
even tell you this or not,
but I can't tell if putting more
pressure on you is good or bad.
Well, like, 99% of child
psychologists would say "bad".
We're dedicating a bleacher seat
to your mother's memory
on Sunday,
since it's the one year
anniversary of...
I would just rather avoid
the irony of her son
blowing his chance for varsity
on the same day. You got me?
You cut your hair.
She always liked it long.
But good choice. Good choice.
It's better for us if
we just keep moving forward.
I put the rejuvenating oils and
the relaxing salts in the bath.
I also added some lavender
bubble bath and some rose
petals for tranquillity.
Lucky girl, you're gonna smell
like a bouquet of roses!
I am so jelly!
No way this dude's
doin' bubbles.
Yo, Jacko! Your phone kept
ringing so I answered it!
It's a giiiiiiirl.
-Hello?
-Kinda afraid to ask,
but... hockey tryouts?
-Kinda afraid to answer.
-Aw, man.
I don't wanna ask
about rhythmic practice,
I'm not supposed to cry
in your body, remember?
Ok, we just need to focus on
solutions here, so listen:
"The ancients believed that
bestowing emotional power
onto an object made it
a totem, with the ability
-to cast spells
or Grant wishes."
-Yeah, we get that.
Get to the deciphering part.
- You know, your mom's
right. You are controlling.
-You've already had a girl
talk with my mom about me?
-Oh, not just with your mom,
but with Dr. Baker, too.
Thanks for the heads-up
on that, by the way.
Oh my gosh, my physical!
I completely forgot!
Don't worry. My mother
taught me to be a gentleman.
I'm so sorry
about your mom, Jack.
They're having a dedication
for her on Sunday.
Oh. Cool.
And I'm sorry, too.
About everything
with your dad...
-Leaving.
-Thanks.
-Ok, awkward silence
acknowledged.
-And we're moving on.
"They believed the spell
was binding unless
a task or quest
was undertaken to reverse
it. Often the quest
is inherent
in the original wish."
So it is about
our text wish,
but I still don't know what
the heck the quest would be.
-I think our quest's to make
our lives less messed up.
-What?
To make them better, I mean.
Because that's what
we texted.
That can't be it. I didn't
wanna make your life better,
i wanted mine to not reek!
Exactly! We wanted each
others' lives to make
our own lives better,
but I think the totems knew
that we'd have to help each
other to do that.
Dude. I am just not down
with totem logic.
Oh! I didn't realize you
were on the phone. I'll
just put your calming tea
right here.
I'm pretty sure that this is
it, so just tell me what
i need to do to help you
before the technology god
shuts down my totem and
we're stuck forever.
Ok, if we really need to de-
stink each others' lives,
then first thing
I'm doing tomorrow is trying
to get the phone contract
extended.
And the first thing you're
doing is getting Porter
to delete that video.
Wait, but Porter's expecting
my body, not yours!
-What if he freaks out?
-Well, then, run. My body's
way faster than his.
Huh. Never thought I'd go
on my first date
with hairy legs.
-Why aren't you doing
your pre-bed core?
-Exercise now?
-I'm just gonna finish up
this phone call.
-Oh yeah.
Uh, sir? It's super important
that I communiqu right now.
No distractions.
You'll get this back
after tryouts on Sunday.
-Sunday?!
-Sunday.
Ok, what's the worst thing
that could happen?
He confiscated the totem
and I have to start shopping
for a prom dress?
- Ah! Earthquake! Fire! What?
Whoo! 5am, jacky boy,
let's go!
Let's get the undead
ready for the day!
Let's go, early birds!
Time to yank some worms!
Ugh. Yeah, still a boy.
-Hit all of them.
-Ok.
Hope you're having fun, Jack.
Bro, no pressure, no diamonds!
Come on, man, I'm not
going without you.
C'mon, Jacko, if you don't
finish, we don't.
You can do this, ok?
What did mom always say?
"A bro is the best friend
you're ever gonna have",
right? So come on!
Alright, let's see
what this body can do.
Woo!
This testosterone stuff
is ridonkulous!
Good warm-up. Three-miler
back home for lower body.
Dead lifts, landmine reverse
lunges, sled pushes.
"Legs feed the wolf."
Herb Brooks.
-Yes, sir!
-Yes, sir!
Wait. Warm-up?
Still a girl.
Ellie, I don't even wanna think
about why you're hanging out
with Jack Malloy.
Please tell me it's not because
of a backstabby conscience?
Uh...
Aspen has her theories,
but I say
you were just trying
to be my wingwoman, right?
Not swooping down on my fresh
boykill like a lady vulture?
Oh,
wait a minute. Look at you.
What was i
even thinking?
Aspen must have just
heard wrong. Phew!
Well, next time people are
eavesdropping, could you please
try to speak more clearly?
Oh, one last thing.
And I'm totes saying this
for your own sake, El.
At Claire's tonight, could you
just try to act like...
Just...
Don't be so... Ellie, ok?
Don't be so Ellie.
Ok, that one I can promise.
Whoa. I know that smell.
Hey. Ready for banana bread?
You make banana bread, too?
"Two slices of banana bread
with a hug in the middle
-makes a love sandwich."
-Aw, sweetie, that is
such a cute saying.
Well, the bread's in the
kitchen, but here's the hug!
Aw...
Uh, I gotta go do some stuff.
You are tense, babe.
Listen... I know that
you're counting on your dad
to be at tomorrow's meet,
but I don't want you to be
disappointed if he and...
Felicia can't make it. Hm?
Oh, and I have a surprise!
Mommy-daughter spa day!
-Yay...
-Can't wait.
Hey, guys, I think I'm gonna
skip the workout today.
I'm meeting someone for donuts.
-You're messing
with us, right?
-Your final tryout
-is in tomorrow's scrimmage!
-Trust me, this donut is
gonna help that cause
way more than
a few dead body lifts.
Bro!
-What are you doing?!
-That's mom's closet!
I totally knew that!
I wasn't trying to
go out this door
as if it was a real door.
It's obviously right there.
I was just checking
to make sure everything
is still here.
Soon as you made varsity,
she'd 'a had a shirt
made for you, too, bro.
Ooh, "queen for a day"!
Or "sweet baby girl deluxe"?
Uh, you choose. They both
sound equally terrifying.
Hm?
Uh, terrifying...Ly
awesome!
Mom? Do I got a sec to run
an errand across the street?
Oh, there'll be time after.
Queen for a day is actually
only half a day long!
We'll be queens for the day.
Malloy? I had me a date with
tracksuit, not with you!
Totally showing
coach the video!
Wait, wait! I mean...
Can we just talk
things out? Man to...
Me? Just let me try
to make things better.
How? You gonna drop out so
i get the last varsity spot?
Well, I'm open to hearing
your feelings on the subject.
You rode all the way here
on your funky scooter,
you might as well get
your donuts, right?
Well, ok. But I'm not
giving you my freebie.
That's right,
ladies first, Malloy.
Ah! Ha, ha, ha!
Wait! No, no,
stop! Lady, stop it!
Stop it! Ok.
Ok, I'm good. Ah!!
Mercy! Mercy!
Whoaaaa...
So this is relaxation.
Ooh, that tingles.
Is this another treatment?
Honey, you act like you've never
had your legs waxed before.
Huh?
This has been going on
for four years now.
First your stupid brothers,
and now you wanna take my spot?
It's like the hatfields and
mccoys except I'm not a hatfield
and it's Malloy, not McCoy.
But otherwise,
-exactly the same.
-Porter, question:
Do you really like hockey?
Do you really love to play,
or do you just wanna be able
-to say you made the team?
-What's the difference?
-Ok,
you could show the video
to coach and maybe get
a spot on varsity, but...
How's that gonna change your
life? You gotta find out
what makes your heart happy,
and stop trying to be
something or someone
that you're not.
-But hockey's the only
thing I'm good at.
-Well, you have been trying
to make the team
for four years, so...
Oh. Right.
Well, that stinks.
Guess I'm not good
at anything, then.
My whole life is a lie!
Who even am I?
That's a pretty cool
contraption. I want you
to check something out.
Ok. I'll check out
this stem club thingy,
but if I don't like it,
I'm taking you down, Malloy,
down town, to video town.
Do you get it?
-'Cause of the video I took.
-Yep, I got it. Fair enough.
Mack! I totally forgot that
you're a science rock star!
That's so awesome.
-You know me?
-What? Oh! Right.
-You're Jack Malloy, aren't you?
Yes! Yes, I'm Jack Malloy.
All boy ever since I was born.
Not to be rude, mister,
but I'm kinda in a rush.
How can we can extend this
contract, like, right now?
- Ugh!
Oh, don't worry,
that's just algae.
See?
Alright, well, I'm sorry,
i can't extend the plan.
It wasn't your mom who canceled
it; It was your dad. Here, look.
They can't even extend the
service for, like, a day?!
Why did my mom
have to cancel it?!
No, it wasn't, uh,
look, it's complicated,
I'll explain later.
You gotta gimme
something else to do
to make your life better.
Besides getting body hair
ripped out by the roots.
-Dude, I can't believe i
thought you had it easier.
-Hello! I told you!
Look, I really need you to
go to Claire's party tonight
and fix stuff with sassy.
She's my best friend and i
cannot lose her right now.
-I need you
to be a guy tonight.
-What you talking 'bout?
Jack Malloy's cool
and popular. So just
be you being me,
and sassy'll know that I can
fit in, that I'm not a...
-Buzzkiller of uncoolness.
-Is that what she thinks?
Why do you wanna be friends
with this chick anyway?!
You asked me what would
make my life better,
so don't be judge-y.
A girl needs her bff.
Whoa! Gotta go!
-Thanks, mack.
-No problem.
-I had a lot of fun
hanging out with you today.
I honestly don't know
why we didn't
do this before.
I want it to be ash blond,
not ashy blond.
-I need to look ultra-cool
tonight. Like, ah-may-zing.
-Yes, I understand.
No way, are you French?!
I'm going to a Paris-themed
-party tonight!
-I'm sure it will be
very authentic.
Oh, mais oui! It's gonna be
trs chic! Well,
except for my bestie's
tragic ex-bff. This girl
would wear gym shorts on
the red carpet. She hasn't
moved on since 5th grade's
"moving on"! Ellie dommage!
-I'll get your color.
I'll be right back.
-I am right back!
-Oh! That was quick.
So, zis Ellie of tragedy...
She has been ex-bff'ed, you say?
Well, if she doesn't step up
her game by tonight,
she will be.
Which, b-t-dubs,
is totally fine with me,
'cause I am from New York
and we don't do
third wheelationships.
You know what I mean,
big city sista?
Holla! Ew!
This is very relaxing.
-Hey, honey! Where did you go?
-Mom, after the spa,
can I get, like, a makeover
and some new clothes?
I need to look ah-may-zing
tonight for Claire's party.
Are you kidding me?
You want something new?
Let's do it, babe!
Cool.
Must be another leg waxer.
There's the mystery man!
I was worried about you,
bromegranate juice.
You always Nancy out before a
big game, but dude, I've never
seen you like this before.
"Nancy out"? Oh, like nervous
Nancy? So I stress out a lot?
Does a zamboni
have 4-wheel drive?
Yeah, so I should help him
myself relieve the stress.
-Maybe relax and goof
around for a little while?
-Don't bother convincing us
you need to go to Owen's game
night. Coach'll have you
hitting hay by sunset.
-Game night? It's perfect!
-Malloy!
It's alright, guys.
I got this. I think.
You were right.
I found the answer to my heart's
question: I'm an engineer!
Not like on a train.
Like designing stuff.
Oh, that's awesome!
Is your scooter running on soda?
Pretty sick, huh? Hey,
I owe you big time. Seriously.
Call me for whatever.
It's gone, just like my
confusion over life choices.
You did that for me, Malloy.
You did.
Did Porter Gibbs just give you
a double back tap bro hug?
-Yes, he did.
-Life's sure getting better
for you, huh, Jacko?
Yes, it is.
Man, chicks know
how to throw it down.
- Hey, portster.
Ha! Science.
-Thanks, Porter.
-It's the least I can do
for the dude that helped
align me with my infinite self.
Now go, shoot up some zombies
with your... friends.
I got some friends too
i gotta go, you know.
I have this one friend,
he's at the grocery store.
We're pretty tight.
He works there, but it's just...
It's still cool, he's cool
with it.
I got that
going on tonight,
-so I'm pretty busy, but...
-Ok, ok. I get it.
- Follow me, follow me.
Ok, it's probably gonna be
weird for you at first.
Definitely gonna be weird for
me. The politics of introducing
someone into a friend group
are extremely complicated,
so let me try.
Jackpack, you made it!
Oh, is Porter with you?
-Yes, but let me explain.
-Cool. Pizza?
Yeah, don't mind if I do.
Wow! You look amazeadorable!
Ellie? Is that you?
What's with
the extreme makeover?
I... uh...
Muh... muh... uh...
Um...
See, sass, I told you
it wasn't a rumor.
It was a trumor! You don't think
she un-ponytailed herself
for us, do you?
-No, it was for him.
-Ellie?
Deny it if it's not true!
You know how much
he means to me!
Ever since, like, yesterday,
he's been my number one choice
for sophomore boyfriend!
How could you?!
-Wait!
Ok, let's let 'em talk.
By the way, nice hat.
-Not clich at all.
-Oh, merci!
-So, are you gonna admit it?
-I don't even get it!
Trumors, rumors...
Can we just, like...
Can we just be cool?
So you want things to go back
to the way they were before?
Like, pinball in my garage,
sleepovers on Saturdays,
and watching old vhs tapes?
-Yes! That! We good?
-El, I'm just not into
that stuff anymore.
We're sophomores now.
You know, Aspen's right.
You're just not
the kind of friend
that's bestie for me anymore.
Hey, El. Let's go dance.
- Yeah, take that!
Pass me another slice,
dung brains?
Dudealude.
You're eating carbs.
And grease. I haven't
seen you like this in...
Well, I've never
seen you like this.
Isn't that just wrong?
Look, discipline is great,
but sometimes a kid's gotta
have some pizza and chips,
know what I mean? So tonight
I'll be doing no
kettlebells, no deadlifts,
and the only burpees I'm
gonna be doing are these.
- Nice.
Alright, man.
Gimme this.
Hey look, a perfume bar!
Awesome! Like, seriously?
You get to make your own smell?
Man, this would totally cover
the fart wars at my house.
You have fart wars
at your house?
Yeah, you know,
-me and my mom,
fart-warring it up.
-I love it.
I saw you were having some
trouble talking to sassy
back there, huh?
Yeah. Not that I get half of
what they're saying. I mean,
"trumors", "girl code"...
Yeah, that. Well,
Aspen started this rumor
that you're trying to steal
Jack Malloy away from sassy.
Seriously? That's what
they've been babbling about?
Well, guess what?
He's not hers to steal!
Oh, good! I mean,
i didn't think so.
Ok, you know what?
I made a promise to... to me,
that I would make things better
with sassy. But what if "better"
means without sassy?
I mean, there's more than
one bff in the sea, right?
So I don't hang out
and play video games,
i don't eat pizza.
What else don't I do?
You know, from your
perspective as a friend.
Huh. Well, aside from
standing up to the coach,
which, let's face it,
is not gonna happen,
i guess the biggest
thing would be...
-Well, you know.
-Yeah,
of course I know. I don't...
-I always... I...
-You got no game.
I got no game! Wait. What?
I'm this cool of a kid and i
have trouble talking to girls?
Do all of you guys know
i have trouble talking
to girls?
-Yeah, bro.
-Even I have
better game than you.
And I got chronic halitosis.
Well, let's talk
about this.
-What can I do to beat it?
-I think I know how.
-Really??
Well, spill, girl! I mean,
spill about girls, mister.
Alright, well,
the only people you ever
have around you are...
Guys. Maybe you need to have,
like, a girl who's a friend,
before you ever have
a girl...Friend. Maybe.
Bro, are your two initials
y and y?
Because you are too wise,
too wise, my friend.
-Blowing my mind.
-I like this guy.
This is so boring.
"Joie de vivre" at
a party with no boys?
Please. I'd get some "joie"
if we could "leave"
this horror show.
Quick, follow me.
Ooh! Ooh!
- Oh, that's a good one.
I love it!
Look at that.
Oh, my god! Genius.
Hey, sassy, Aspen!
Take that down!
You're ruining everything!
Hey, what are you two doing?
You know you're being
totally uncool.
Yeah, well, you would know
"totally uncool", El,
that's your specialty.
- Oh, come on, Ellie,
take a joke. It's funny.
Ok. You know who wouldn't
think it's funny?
Jack Malloy.
That's right. He and i
are tight. Like, so-tight-
i-know-his-thoughts, tight!
Like tighty-whitey tight!
-Ok, maybe not that.
That's weird.
-Yeah.
Wait. It's one thing for you
to be going after him,
but you're saying he's into
you, too? This I gotta see.
I think it's time
for a little excursion.
There's no way she's a 7,
she's a 5 at most. But that
new girl, Aspen? She's a 9
-verging on a 10.
-Come on, it's so not cool
to reduce girls to numbers.
What about sassy gayles?
She's a total smoke
show now!
Nah, she wears
way too much makeup.
And she's kind of a fake.
We grew up on the same street
and she won't even talk
to me anymore.
But what do you think
about her friend?
The one with the ponytail?
Tracksuit! Now we're talking.
Ellie, I think her name is.
I don't know, guys,
there's something about her.
She's real, ya know?
Plus she's so hot.
Dude, you been
holding out on us?
No. Yes. I don't know.
Whoa! I'm like... kinda pretty.
Oh right, my hair.
Uh... looks awesome in the wind!
-What the heck is going on?
-Kiss me.
-What?!
-Shh! Oh, Jackie, you flirt!
Of course I'll walk
to the bridge with you
so we can be alone!
-Oh my gosh!
-What are they doing?
What is going on with these two?
Ok, don't freak,
but I kinda made everybody
think that you liked me.
-Well, that I liked you.
-What?! Why?!
-'Cause you told me to make
you cool and popular!
-Yeah, but only
so I could get sassy back!
Don't you get it? This is
major girl code violation!
Girl code is just like bro code?
But bros have your back!
-This girl is
stabbing you in the back!
-Ugh, you're such a guy!
Look, if we don't lock lips,
everyone's gonna think
you're a liar.
And if we do, I'm a traitor.
Great! You had one job,
to get my bff back,
and you screwed it up!
This is hopeless! The last day
of hockey tryouts are tomorrow
and we're not gonna switch back!
-My life is over!
-Aagh! I can't even
look at my face right now!
Yeah? Well, I. Make. Me. Sick!
-Wait! El, you're leaving?
-Yeah.
She's gotta get home before
midnight, otherwise her dress is
gonna turn back into a leotard!
Ok, normally I wouldn't call
a girl out, but you know
what? Come at me, gymnasty!
Uh-oh, girl fight!
My money's on you, tracksuit.
-Thanks, porty.
-Oh, Jack, don't do it.
-You deal with her, she's
your ex-bff, not mine!
-Ellie,
don't be such a guy
about this, ok?
You wanna be friends again
like you asked before?
'K, we're friends. Good?
Are you kidding?
You don't know anything
about friendship, sassy.
All it took was for someone
shinier to come to town
and you dropped El... me
like yesterday's garbage.
You know, I guess
i should thank Aspen.
It's because of her that
you showed your true colors.
And speaking
of true colors...
- No!
"Freak just keeps
getting freakier!"
-No, he's ruining everything!
-Ellie, are you ok?
I've never seen you do
something like that before.
Jack!
Jack Malloy! Where are you?
"Honesty is the first chapter
in the book of wisdom!"
-Thomas Jefferson.
-Seriously?
- Don't do it.
Don't you do it.
What are you...
No, no, no.
Boys don't cry!
It's allergies.
Sand in my eyes, coach.
They don't cry.
You need to take
a long look in the mirror
and think hard about how you're
gonna redeem yourself tomorrow.
Oh, you took stuff
out of her closet.
That's all. Good night.
Oh hey, El-bell,
how was the party?
Ok.
Seriously, Ellie, why sassy?
Come on, let's go.
Ah, she can't lose them both.
I'm such a doofus.
"Jack's goals.
Number one, make varsity.
Number two, play
for Boston college.
Number three,
get drafted by the NHL.
Number four, thank my mom
when I win the Stanley cup.
Signed Jack Malloy.
Witnessed by Linda Malloy".
So, one more time.
You made your phones
into magic wands
and shazamed your souls
into each others' bodies?
Do I gotta burp "the pledge of
allegiance" again to prove it?
I pledge allegiance.
Ok, ok, I'm convinced.
And you're sure this is
the way to get back?
It's the last way we can think
of to make each others' lives
better.
Do you really think we can
get our bodies to cooperate?
It's in our muscles,
believe me.
When I ran this morning
i was able to tap into
your body's power.
-You can do the same with mine.
-I don't know.
-Here, watch.
Ok then.
All I've gotta do is teach you
the gymnastics routine, and you
teach me the hockey rules!
Let's go.
Yep! I'm here. I got up early
and didn't come from
anywhere else!
Dude! You are nails, Jacko!
-Oh good, you're up!
-I'm up!
-I'm definitely up!
-Great! Your spirulina
smoothie is almost ready.
I'll add a little ginseng.
Uh, have I mentioned
how bizarre all this is?
Dude, I'm rockin' a leotard
and body glitter. You don't
have to tell me.
Is Ellie's dad here?
No-show.
Poor Ellie.
You know, if you wanna
sneak over to the rink
for your mom's ceremony.
-It's ok. I don't need to.
-You sure? There's enough time.
I don't want to, ok?
I'm sorry,
I'm just... I just really
need to focus. If we don't
fulfill this quest by noon,
-you'll have to ask me
to the homecoming dance.
-Better nail it.
I will, dork trap.
Ellie.
She just really loved the
game. And not just 'cause
her kids ruled the ice.
We miss you, mom.
And now your spirit
will always be here.
Alright, ladies.
As individuals we shine,
but we are a team
first and foremost.
By the end of the day, if we've
done our job right, there'll be
some weepy badminton players
out there, alright? So
let's kick some birdie!!
'Cause that's the little
flying thing they use
in badminton.
Let's kick some birdie! Like...
This is where you join me.
Here we go. Let's kick
some birdie!
Next, Ellie o'brien.
Ok, it's scrimmage against
varsity, four on four.
Your body's got this. You're
gonna get hit. You may go down.
-But the key is to recover, ok?
-Got it.
Yeah!!
Yeah!
Welcome to varsity, Malloy!
Amazing, Ellie, you did it!
Your team's still a sport!
We dominated 'em!
What about me?
Well, it wasn't pretty, but
you can check number one
off your list!
Varsity!
Ok... moment of truth...
It's 11:15, there's
only 45 minutes left.
No! What happened?
Why didn't it work?!
I dunno! Maybe we got attached
to each others' totems?
Switch!
-There's gotta be
something else!
-What else could there be?
-We've tried everything!
-We gotta tell the truth!
We find my mom, tell her
-what's really going on and
she'll extend the contract.
-No, that's not gonna work.
Owen believed us,
so she will too!
-We need that extra time!
-Ellie! It wasn't her!
Your mom didn't pull
the plug on your totem.
She was just covering
for your dad. It was him.
He wanted...
A new family plan.
Why would he want a...
Oh.
For his new family.
Maybe you could try calling
your dad and telling him
the truth?
-Then maybe he can call
the phone company and--
-he won't answer.
That's what he does
when he's embarrassed
about not showing up.
What are you doing here?
Let's go.
Jack. I don't repeat myself.
I'm so sorry, Ellie.
Me too, Jack.
You happy with how
you played today?
Uh, I made varsity, sir.
Yeah. Barely. And only because
everyone else played worse.
Wow.
Do you know how that makes
a kid feel, to hear that?
You see, that's your
problem. If you can't
handle the corners,
if you can't be a man
and be mentally tough,
you open yourself up to
weakness. Your emotions
can step in and knock you
to the ground.
That's it.
Enough is enough.
You were outstanding
today, love.
So, I think I know
what's going on.
Doubt it.
Someone wasn't there today
who should have been.
When someone who supported you
and was there for you
all those years
is suddenly just gone.
-I really don't
wanna talk about it.
-You have to deal with the loss.
-I'm fine!
-You're not fine.
You've been holding
this inside forever,
and your dad not showing up
today is a chance for you
to let it out.
Sometimes we miss
people so much,
we think it's beyond
words, but it's not.
She always wanted to talk.
I miss her. I miss my mom.
-I miss her so much!
-Oh, sweetie!
It's ok. I am right here.
You never have to miss me.
I'll always be with you, even
if I'm not right beside you.
What is wrong with you?!
Do you even
love me at all?
Because I hate to break it to
you, but this is not the way
you treat the people you love!
Jack. This conversation is over.
No! No, you don't get
to walk away anymore!
You hurt me.
You hurt me a lot, and
you're just gonna have
to stand there and deal!
I counted on my dad
for everything.
To just be there for me.
Now I'm moving on,
with or without a dad
who loves me.
And boys can too cry!
They should every
once in a while.
How do you feel now?
Better.
Whoa. I...
I feel better! Mom,
i gotta run to the can!
Ok, I'll get the car!
Jack! Bro!
That was
seriously gritty.
You got a lot off your brawny
chest. How do you feel?
Better. I just... I really
needed to say all that.
Gun! I feel better!
Awesome, bro.
Uh, listen, I'm gonna go
for a celebratory run!
Knock yourself out, kid.
Just wait here, brah.
Hurry! Only one minute left!
Ready? Let's do this!
Hey, it's me!
Look at you, varsity!
Oh! I love you, I love you!
I promise I will never
leave you again!
Hey, what am I wearing
under here?
Uh, couple layers of
clothing and a bathing suit
underneath that.
-Weirdo.
-Come on, let's go!
-Hey, where you going,
tracksuit?
-See you later, porty!
So, uh, you good
to take me back, right?
Yeah, sure. But, dude,
can you loosen your grip
this time? I mean,
we're buds and all,
but a guy needs his space.
-Got it.
-Ok.
Mom!
I really do
feel better now.
I am so glad, babe.
-I'll buckle that.
-Oh, mom? I got this.
From now on, you don't have
to watch me so closely.
You can go out and grab
a little life for yourself.
-I'm gonna be ok.
-I know you are, honey.
Ah, home sweet home!
Hey, you ok, man?
You had us all pretty worried.
I am so ok! Just happy
to see your big ugly faces!
Jack?
Coach?
Dad. Call me dad, son.
-After what you said to me.
-Whatever I said, I...
-It wasn't me.
-Just listen.
Ever since your mom passed,
I thought that to be tough
with you was best,
that any softness
that I allowed in
would open you up...
...open all of us up
to all that pain from the past.
But... if that made you think,
made any of you think,
for even a moment,
that I don't love you, then,
I've done this all wrong.
I love all you boys more
than you'll ever know.
You're right. Boys can cry.
C'mere, you guys.
That's an order.
Who, Jack? No, he's totally
like a brother to me,
honest.
But I think I know someone
he might like like.
Hey.
Look, just because
the team's official,
doesn't mean that she has
to come to the mall
with us. Savvy?
-Anyway.
-Oh, El,
I'm sorry.
I've been such a jerk.
We've had a great run as bffs,
but I'm cool just keeping
the memories and moving on,
-if you are.
-Ok.
-Hey, Jack.
-Hey, MacKenzie.
-'Sup?
-Want some donuts?
That one's my favorite.
I had, like, five earlier.
Learning to share.
-On me, bud.
-Jacko!
-See you later.
- Varsity boy!
Aw, I'm really gonna
miss those guys.
Except for the bropiles
and loogie hocking contests.
Not as much as I'm gonna miss
your mom's banana bread.
Oh, and that calming tea.
That's serious chillaxation.
Hey, dad? Do you know
Ms. o'brien here?
Ellie says that she leads
the best hot yoga class
in town.
And mom, do you know coach
Malloy? Jack says he makes
awesome wheatgrass smoothie.
Well, I guess our reputations
precede us. I'm summer.
I'm coa... Francis.
-Francis.
-It's nice to meet you.
Do you usually... I mean,
would you... as a matter
of course...
I drive a truck.
Delete, delete,
delete, delete, delete!
My mom and me are gonna play
checkers tonight.
It's gonna be a really fun
time, you should come
one time if you want. I like
to invite people to things,
but you don't have to.
But if you want to, you can.
Get... get off my mat!
Which one of you guys
isn't wearing deodorant?
-Stryker.
-Dude, really.
You've seen that in movies.
When a coach does that,
the people, the team
supports the coach, right?
I don't hang out and play video
games, I don't eat pizza.
-Sorry.
-What, did you drop it?
Dropped the dart.
Hey, El.
-How am I doing?
-Killing it, man.
Keep working on rebounding
from the hit
and there'll be three
Malloys on varsity.
-Come on, dude! Gimme the puck!
-No, gimme the puck!
-Jack!
-Four if you count your dad.
Jack, "it's not whether
you get knocked down;
it's whether you get
back up." Vince lombardi.
"But ya gotta get up
quicker." Coach Malloy.
Son or not, if you don't
recover quicker,
you're not making my team.
Understood, coach.
Will work on my post-
check rallying, sir.
So,
sassy met Aspen
at fashionista
glam camp this summer.
No big shocker there.
No wonder. I thought
it was weird that Aspen
just transferred in and sassy's
already under her spell.
Fashionista glam camp.
What do they even do there?
Who knows
and who cares?
Ok, girls, hustle in!
Ok, we are going
to make a shift.
Claire, I'm gonna be working
with you today, Ellie,
you're gonna spot MacKenzie,
and Aspen,
you're gonna spot sassy.
What?! But coach, sassy and i
have been practice partners
-since, like, forever.
-Don't exaggerate, El.
Like, only since
kindergarten.
Ok, but Aspen
is new to town--
-from New York!
-Buffalo, New York.
-It's still New York.
-It is still New York.
And she and sassy are just a
better physical match, ok?
Ok, moving on!
Ok. Focus zone.
First varsity,
then early acceptance
into Boston college,
-then drafted by the bruins--
-yeah, I've seen "the list",
-jackattack.
-Bro,
don't worry about coach.
You're cruising past everyone.
But keep an eye
on dumbledork over there.
Who, Porter? He's been
trying to escape j.V.
Since we were sophomores.
He'd knock his own
grandmother's teeth out
just to keep another Malloy
from getting a spot.
Yo, you got this, bro.
Girls, it is time to put
your big girl leotards on,
because the rumors
they're true.
-Trumors.
-The school
is making budget cuts
and is eliminating
one of the sports teams,
so it is between the
badminton team -gross,
i know, ew- and us.
So if we don't win big on
Sunday against silver leaf
high, and I mean big,
they are gonna
demote us to a club.
-A club?
-That's what I said.
- Like chess, or thespians?
-For serious?
This is tragical!
-Coach, they can't do that!
My dad, uh, people will
never drive halfway across
the state to see a club!
I know that, and...
Aw, come on!
Oh, my goodness!
Are you alright, Carol?
That was my mistake.
I was aiming for your neck.
-Aim for your
neck next time!
-That doesn't make sense.
I will come over there,
i will break you in half!
Ok, you guys, you're
gonna be fine. I mean,
with Ellie as
your old powerhouse
and Aspen as your new
powerhouse, how
can you lose?
Jack, be the puck!
Be the stick!
Be the puck and the stick
and the space in between!
-Are you listening?
-Wha...?
Not looking, listening!
Not so tough for a coach's
kid, are you, Malloy?
You can't even take a hit.
I can take a hit, Porter,
and I'll take that last
varsity spot too.
- Yeah!
Listen up, shmelts!
Bring it in!
Ok, decent job. But
whoever's gonna get
that last varsity spot,
I'm gonna need to see
your a-game, and that's
not just on the ice,
but off it, too!
No horseplayin',
no highjinksin',
and definitely no
unsportsmanlike
shenanigangin'!
We've got two more days
of tryouts, boys.
Show me what you're made of!
You wanna rescue this team,
don't you? Yeah.
You do. Everything you need
is inside you right now.
You just have to find it.
You're not little girls
anymore!
You're men now! The world's
gonna be your oyster!
You're women, hear you roar!
- Right?
- And all you've gotta do...
- -Is not blow it!
Don't leave me hanging here.
Yes! Don't blow it!
Yeah! Don't blow it, boys!
Don't blow it! Don't
blow it! Don't blow it!
Good job, you guys.
But don't leave me
next time that long, right?
'Cause for me,
that's very awkward.
Oh, he's coming down! Oh!
We've got nothing.
Dude, ya gotta chop that
salad. You practically
got a man bun going.
-Nobody's touching
my hair, dude.
-Come on,
it's a varsity tradition.
Plus it might help you
with your "lady troubles".
Shut it.
-Quit bustin'
his chops, Sally.
-Who you chirpin' at, Mary?
Aw, you gonna cry, baby butter?
-Man up!
-Not crying.
Champ.
Oh! You might cry
when coach sees that!
-Yeah, thanks, guys.
-Oh, little bro
pushing back!
Broskinator. Here.
I know it's pink,
but at least it still
has service. Coach said
he didn't shut it off
because he paid the year
in advance,
but I think
he just couldn't.
Nah, it's ok. I'll just go
off the grid for
a little while.
How's he gonna text you
his inspirational quotes?
'Sides, I already
transferred your number.
Mom sure did love
her sparkles.
Hey, what soon-to-be varsity
athlete doesn't want a
twinkly sequined lady phone?
Mom? What's with the car?
Oh, I feng shui-ed it,
honey, to give you a
stronger life force
for the big weekend
coming up!
-I'm excited.
Are you so excited?
-Yeah.
Oh, I got that.
Let's go!
Sweetie, won't you let me
get you a new phone?
Your dad left that ancient thing
behind for a reason.
It's not ancient. It's...
Retro-chic.
I just think you're attaching
too much significance
to an inanimate object.
"Mystical religions 101." Early
shamans knew investing too much
emotional energy in an object...
Could make it a totem
and give it power over you.
Mom, it's a cell phone,
not gollum's ring.
Hey, Jacko! You're 30
seconds late for "one-on-one
truck time" with coach.
-He's pulling up now. You
know how he hates to wait.
-Come on, buddy.
"Better three hours too soon
than a minute late."
Shakespeare.
Not even an athlete.
Not with those pantaloony
things he wore.
Yes, sir. Probably not, sir.
Would it really be so bad
if the team became a club?
I was in Spanish club and
it was "muy divertido"!
And MacKenzie is
in stem club, isn't she?
At least it would be something
new, and "new" is good.
New moons, new experiences,
perhaps a new best friend?
-Sassy's my best friend.
-Well, maybe you could
let some new energy in.
I mean, isn't that
what sassy's doing?
Thanks.
Have such a good day,
sweetie! Mommy loves you.
-Bye, mom.
-'Sup, dog breath?
-'Sup, dork chop?
Good to see you, bud.
Hey! 'Sup, hot mama?
News flash?
Skirts don't have legs.
-So embarrassing...
-Amirite?
-There. We good?
-Not really.
Sass, come on, you know we
always wear our tracksuits
the Friday before a meet.
-Rg pride, right?
-Yeah! Wish I hadn't caved.
Uh, yeah, we did, like,
make a pact last year...
Well, I wasn't here last year
to lead a fashion rescue,
- now was I?
Ooh, sassy, look!
It's your future first
husband, Jack Malloy!
You like Jack?
You didn't tell me.
Does he even know
who you are?
Have you never heard
of a vision board?
Jack is all over hers.
-Go ahead, do it
like we practiced.
-Ok.
-Jack, here comes a girl!
-Say something.
Hey, guys.
Heeeyyyy, jaaaaack.
Uh...
Uh...
Ha...
Well, at least this time you
opened your mouth, bromigo.
Yeah. Maybe next time
words will come out.
Ooh, I love the strong
silent type!
Nice phone, Malloy. You use that
to schedule your mani-pedis?
Hey, I was thinkin'.
Doesn't coach have a rule,
if you start a fight
you can't be on varsity?
-You oughta know, you've
tried out three times.
-Actually, four times.
Did sophomore year twice, idiot.
Go ahead, ladies first!
Then it'll look like you started
it when I show the video to
coach. Or does that even matter?
Don't all Malloys get
a free ride onto varsity?
Ha, worked better than
i expected. Oh, man.
Say goodbye to
your dreams, buddy.
Seriously?! I've had a milk
mustache since lunch?!
You think things with Ellie
are tough now? It's only
gonna get worse, babe.
I mean, people like us
have to make legit tough
decisions sometimes.
I know, I know.
I wish Ellie'd just get it
without me having to be all
-super awk obvious.
-It's kind of sad, actually.
Almost as sad as that ponytail.
I mean, what is she, 12? Oh,
and daddy's heirloom phone?
Why is she so attached
to that thing?
-Like, move on already!
-Yeah, I mean,
it was super sad
when her dad left, but,
like, life goes on and...
Ooh, is that
"paparazzi pucker"?
No, it's called
"lip glossip". Try it!
Maybe I can just tell her
she's being too clingy
and she'll, like,
change? I mean,
I don't want to actually
hurt her feelings.
Ok, ok, fine, give her
one more chance, keep her
on social life support.
But if she's her typical
buzzkill self at Claire's
party, it might be time
to pull the plug. Beep.
Beep. Beep.
Beeeeep.
It's my lucky day.
I got a crier and a kid
with a bloody nose.
Here. Wipe off
the tears, kid.
You took quite a hit, didn't
you, hon? You want cry?
We won't tell anybody.
Not crying. Not a girl.
No offense.
None taken.
Oh, that makes it
less offensive?
"Not crying". Yeah,
'cause you've got nothing
to cry about! I mean,
you're a guy, aren't you?
If someone disses you,
you don't have to hide
in a bathroom stall.
-Guys have it so easy!
-Ok, pull it back, pit bull!
In what universe
do guys have it easy?
If some ginosaurus tricked
you into a fight, think
people'd blame you?!
No, you'd just get all emo
then hug it out with your
mom in the kitchen
-while you bake
banana bread or...
-Ok, zip it.
You wanna fight
the battle of the sexes?
Why don't you just text,
like every other kid does?
No more yakking
in my office.
-This one's hers,
mine is the pink one.
-I don't care and I mean it.
Keep those Mac'n'cheese
holes shut.
Fine, you wanna goof off,
I'm gonna go to the snack
bar, get myself some
pork rinds.
I love pork rinds.
Why am I on the floor?
Did I forget deodorant?
I smell like a dude.
And why does my thumb taste
like athletic tape and dirt?
What the what? Wait,
who painted my fingernails?
You... you stole my face!
You stole my whole body!
How'd you get inside?
How'd I get inside?
This is like a nightmare!
I feel so grimy!
Dude! Slap me,
and I'll slap you,
and we'll see if we can slap
each other -ourselves-
back to reality!
Ok.
-Ow!
-Oh!
Oh, sorry! Boy hands
just hit so hard!
Ew, why am I so sweaty
in weird places?
-What is the purpose
of underarm hair?
-Dude, focustrate!
What exactly were we doing
right before this...
This thing happened?
Texting. We were texting!
-"I wish I had your life..."
- "Take it. Then
I'd get yours."
We did this!
No! No! It's just a stupid text!
I once texted a wish
that I could power fart myself
across the ice and trust me,
that didn't happen!
Ok, you're right. I mean, a text
can't have that kind of power.
Investing too much emotional
energy in an object could make
it a totem and give it power
-over you.
-But wait! A totem can!
That phone! Is it, like,
special to you in some way?
I guess. Yeah. I mean... it
belonged to somebody special.
I can't believe it. My mom
isn't crazy after all.
She took this class on mystical
religions, and if you put
too much emotional energy
into one object, you could turn
it into a totem, and then it
could have power over you.
Bro, no way, that is nuts!
We just swapped bodies!
You got a better theory,
Mr. lady?
Ok, we gotta
un-text our wish!
Maybe it's the second part of
the text? We said our lives
would be better
if we were each other.
But we didn't mean it!
Your mom must have a book from
that class, right? So we sneak
over to your house and--
I can't sneak anywhere! My
mom's, like, got her pilot's
license in helicopter parenting!
- Ok, ok!
We gotta fake being each other
till we can get there!
Speed coaching,
one on one, let's do this!
-Ew! Don't get
your spit all over it!
-Technically it's your spit,
but... oh, who cares? Focus
zone!
Oh, just lemme do it!
Ok, fine, whatever, me first.
Hockey is my life.
I live with my dad
and twin brothers.
-You live with all guys?!
- We call my dad coach,
and we exercise a lot,
like, a lot a lot. Ah!
Sorry! Ok, me. I live
with my mom, she's
a yoga instructor
and she schedules, like,
her entire life around me.
-I specialize in the ribbon
in rhythmic gymnastics.
-Is that what it's called?
I've seen you girls jumping
around or whatever.
It's called practice!
R.G. Is a totally legit sport!
-Ah! Don't yank,
twinkle toes!
-What now, highlights?
Get out.
I think you might need glasses
for your eyeballs, I'm getting
vertigo. I think I'm gonna puke.
No puking in my body! Ugh,
how do you carry yourself
around on these feet?
No! She can't see us
together! She likes y... and
she can't think I like...
Can't break girl code!
Just get away, get away!
Heeeeeyyyy, jaaaaaack.
Oh! Uh... hey there,
miss sassy.
Ohh, so you do know my name!
Um, Ellie? What
are you doing here?
Uhh.
Mmmmaaa. Suh... suh...
See? Buzzkiller.
I'm gonna make my mom late
for bikram belly dancing.
And as we all know, bikram
is amazeballs. So let's go.
I hope to see you soon,
Mr. Malloy.
What was that?!
"Uhh... maaa... suh-suh"?
I just, I'm not used to being
a girl, ok? I choked!
Where's the "we're gonna have
to fake it" guy? I mean,
she's my best friend
and we're... going
through a thing right now
-and you can't
make things worse!
- Ok, just don't lose it!
'Cause nothing would make things
worse for me than my father
or anyone else seeing my body
blubbering like that!
-Sorry if I have
real emotions, ok?
-Shh! Come on, this way!
Malloy! Guess
where I'm headed?
Over to a viewing party
with coach,
a.K.A.K... a.,
-your daddy.
-What is your problem, dude?
Why can't you just
leave me, her,
him alone? Stop
spreading your misery, man!
A firecracker, aren't ya?
What's your name, tracksuit?
Uh... Ellie?
Ellie. I'm Porter. Hi.
It's a pleasure. Please
tell me you're not with him.
-No way. Not even possible.
-You like donuts, Ellie?
I got a little buy a dozen get
one free coupon for donut diggs.
Maybe I can give you my freebie?
Tomorrow A.M.?
Yes! But, uh...
Heeeeeeyyyy, pooooorrrrty...
-I'm gonna be sick.
-I'd looovvve
to go out for a fried pastry.
You know,
if you do me a solid
and don't show Jack's
dad that video thingy.
S'pose it can wait
one more day.
Alright then.
10am manana.
"Porty". That's awesome.
Ugh! I need a disinfecting bath.
I am not going out with "porty",
and neither is my body!
Hey, if I have to be a girl,
I'll at least use it to make
things better for the guy-me.
-Alright, but
we gotta split up.
-Hey, jackalope!
Let's go. But call me.
Man, I don't know how
you're gonna make it
through tryouts today.
You can't blow this!
My whole future
depends on hockey!
Yeah, well, rhythmic
is everything to me,
and my dad is driving out
for my meet on Sunday!
So, ditto, like, times 100!
I think I can handle
flipping some ribbons
and doing somersaults.
Seriously? That's what
you think we do? Ow!
The rhinestones
on this thing are
cutting up my face.
Which could use some serious
exfoliation, by the way.
I told you,
you gotta keep sparkly
and I gotta keep this...
Relic until everything's
settled!
If my dad called and i
answered with this chick
voice, we'd be toast!
Ok, my brothers gunner and
stryker are picking me up.
Gunner, stryker and Jack?
They run out of cool names
at the cool name store?
Coach picked their names,
my mom picked my...
Just look for
a blue truck, ok?
Alright, and you look for a yoga
type lady in a red bubble car.
Ok. I'll call you after
practice when I get
the totem book.
-Good luck.
-Good luck.
Ellie! What are you doing?
That is so dangerous!
Yes, sir! Sorry, sir!
I mean, lady. Ma'am.
Mom.
Hey, Jacko! Come on! What
are you waiting for,
an invitation?
OMG. This is a thing?
'Sup, champ? First day
on the new legs?
You know I can't resist that
little puppy face of yours.
All is forgiven.
This is so weird.
So! How was your day?
Uh... totally unreal.
Awesome! So, who d'you sit with
at lunch? What'd you talk about?
Claire's mom told me all about
the party tomorrow night.
Is everybody super excited?
I would be so super excited.
She told me it's a Paris theme.
Ooh la la, that sounds amazing!
We should get you
a new dress.
So what do you say, shaggy?
Chop-chop for the fuh-fuh?
You up for it?
Chopping the salad?
Uh... I guess?
Seriously? Sweet!
Stryke is going to flip!
Little buddy.
What? No way am i
putting this thing on.
Over my dead girl body.
Five, six, seven, eight,
and reaching up into
the sky. Chin up.
You gotta keep your chin up
in life. And...
Five, six, seven, eight,
and kick, two, three, four,
and point, toes, toes, toes,
like your life depends on it.
And reaching up into the sky,
reach, reach, hold your toes
as much as you can. It's really
hard, it hurts me to watch.
And reaching over,
and hold that hug, hug,
and... huh.
Ellie?
What? I got chilly.
Freak just keeps
getting freakier.
Right. No, it's not appropriate.
No. Here we go:
Five, six, seven, eight,
and reaching up to the sky
like "what have I done
with my life?" And kick,
two, three, four.
Whoa!
Oh, what is that? It smells
like someone boiled a
cabbage in a sweat sock!
Yeah, stryke had
the chili at lunch.
Dude! Heard you're gonna
let me mow the flow!
That deserves a bropile!
Alright, alright.
Time to trim the fringe.
What?
Hey, it's Jack. Leave
a message. Or don't.
I would kill you, Jack
Malloy, but I can't
live without you.
Hit me back.
I'm sorry, Jack, I just...
I can't get yelled at
right now.
Alright, sport, go grab
your bucket and breezers,
we'll fire you up
-a protein shake
before tryouts.
-Right, my...
Bucket and... breezer..
Breezers.
Ok.
So, can we talk
about the phone again?
Oh yeah! You mean about the
totem thing? Awesome!
Let's break it down.
Oh, Ellie! I'm so glad we're on
the same wavelength about this!
So let's say this totem had
some kind of power over you.
What would you need to do
to, like, un-power it?
Funny you should ask!
'Cause I did exactly that!
I deactivated your flip
phone and got you a new one!
-Deactivated?!
-Well, the switch won't be
official until Sunday.
-Sunday?!
-It seemed
like perfect timing,
because we're on the cusp
of a harvest moon...
-Harvest moon?
-And that's when the old
data plan expires.
-Expires?!
Sweetheart, your aura
seems to have an echo.
Nooooooo!!!
My hair!
-Bro!
-Babe? Now your aura is yelling.
Whoa.
The bros finally
got ya, huh?
Now c'mon, suit up! Your dad
wants you on the ice, man.
My dad? Oh, right.
Let's go, ladies!
"You either hack it, or you
pack it!" The great santini.
That's Jack's dad? Poor Jack.
Poor me.
Dude. Sorry. I think
i took your mouth guard.
What? I got germs
or something?
It's not my mouth, it's not
my mouth, it's not my mouth...
We're stopping?
But there's this book
i really need to read!
I told you last night, honey.
Dr. Baker. For your team
physical.
Say what now, lady?
Ok! Drills today,
rest day tomorrow,
and then scrimmage against
varsity for the final
tryouts on Sunday.
Show me what you got!
Ah!!
Ow!!
Hockey sticks, that's
a slam shot to the puck!
Ah!!!
Oh, letter b.
Oh my gosh, dude,
that is so cold.
Ok, Ellie, you can
take the mask off now.
I just don't like looking
at needles or other things
that aren't technically
my right to look at.
Ooh! Sorry.
You seem a little off.
Your mom told me about
what's been going on.
I know dad leaving was
rough. Losing a parent
is so hard.
Who exactly was I looking at
on that ice in there?
Uh, just little old me, sir.
Jack Malloy... sir.
It's my own fault.
"Expecting is my greatest crime
and disappointment is always
my punishment." Author unknown.
-But not unwise.
-Look, sir,
I know I totally blew it today,
but I'm really hoping
I'm gonna be back to myself
soon. Like, really soon.
I'm wondering if I should
even tell you this or not,
but I can't tell if putting more
pressure on you is good or bad.
Well, like, 99% of child
psychologists would say "bad".
We're dedicating a bleacher seat
to your mother's memory
on Sunday,
since it's the one year
anniversary of...
I would just rather avoid
the irony of her son
blowing his chance for varsity
on the same day. You got me?
You cut your hair.
She always liked it long.
But good choice. Good choice.
It's better for us if
we just keep moving forward.
I put the rejuvenating oils and
the relaxing salts in the bath.
I also added some lavender
bubble bath and some rose
petals for tranquillity.
Lucky girl, you're gonna smell
like a bouquet of roses!
I am so jelly!
No way this dude's
doin' bubbles.
Yo, Jacko! Your phone kept
ringing so I answered it!
It's a giiiiiiirl.
-Hello?
-Kinda afraid to ask,
but... hockey tryouts?
-Kinda afraid to answer.
-Aw, man.
I don't wanna ask
about rhythmic practice,
I'm not supposed to cry
in your body, remember?
Ok, we just need to focus on
solutions here, so listen:
"The ancients believed that
bestowing emotional power
onto an object made it
a totem, with the ability
-to cast spells
or Grant wishes."
-Yeah, we get that.
Get to the deciphering part.
- You know, your mom's
right. You are controlling.
-You've already had a girl
talk with my mom about me?
-Oh, not just with your mom,
but with Dr. Baker, too.
Thanks for the heads-up
on that, by the way.
Oh my gosh, my physical!
I completely forgot!
Don't worry. My mother
taught me to be a gentleman.
I'm so sorry
about your mom, Jack.
They're having a dedication
for her on Sunday.
Oh. Cool.
And I'm sorry, too.
About everything
with your dad...
-Leaving.
-Thanks.
-Ok, awkward silence
acknowledged.
-And we're moving on.
"They believed the spell
was binding unless
a task or quest
was undertaken to reverse
it. Often the quest
is inherent
in the original wish."
So it is about
our text wish,
but I still don't know what
the heck the quest would be.
-I think our quest's to make
our lives less messed up.
-What?
To make them better, I mean.
Because that's what
we texted.
That can't be it. I didn't
wanna make your life better,
i wanted mine to not reek!
Exactly! We wanted each
others' lives to make
our own lives better,
but I think the totems knew
that we'd have to help each
other to do that.
Dude. I am just not down
with totem logic.
Oh! I didn't realize you
were on the phone. I'll
just put your calming tea
right here.
I'm pretty sure that this is
it, so just tell me what
i need to do to help you
before the technology god
shuts down my totem and
we're stuck forever.
Ok, if we really need to de-
stink each others' lives,
then first thing
I'm doing tomorrow is trying
to get the phone contract
extended.
And the first thing you're
doing is getting Porter
to delete that video.
Wait, but Porter's expecting
my body, not yours!
-What if he freaks out?
-Well, then, run. My body's
way faster than his.
Huh. Never thought I'd go
on my first date
with hairy legs.
-Why aren't you doing
your pre-bed core?
-Exercise now?
-I'm just gonna finish up
this phone call.
-Oh yeah.
Uh, sir? It's super important
that I communiqu right now.
No distractions.
You'll get this back
after tryouts on Sunday.
-Sunday?!
-Sunday.
Ok, what's the worst thing
that could happen?
He confiscated the totem
and I have to start shopping
for a prom dress?
- Ah! Earthquake! Fire! What?
Whoo! 5am, jacky boy,
let's go!
Let's get the undead
ready for the day!
Let's go, early birds!
Time to yank some worms!
Ugh. Yeah, still a boy.
-Hit all of them.
-Ok.
Hope you're having fun, Jack.
Bro, no pressure, no diamonds!
Come on, man, I'm not
going without you.
C'mon, Jacko, if you don't
finish, we don't.
You can do this, ok?
What did mom always say?
"A bro is the best friend
you're ever gonna have",
right? So come on!
Alright, let's see
what this body can do.
Woo!
This testosterone stuff
is ridonkulous!
Good warm-up. Three-miler
back home for lower body.
Dead lifts, landmine reverse
lunges, sled pushes.
"Legs feed the wolf."
Herb Brooks.
-Yes, sir!
-Yes, sir!
Wait. Warm-up?
Still a girl.
Ellie, I don't even wanna think
about why you're hanging out
with Jack Malloy.
Please tell me it's not because
of a backstabby conscience?
Uh...
Aspen has her theories,
but I say
you were just trying
to be my wingwoman, right?
Not swooping down on my fresh
boykill like a lady vulture?
Oh,
wait a minute. Look at you.
What was i
even thinking?
Aspen must have just
heard wrong. Phew!
Well, next time people are
eavesdropping, could you please
try to speak more clearly?
Oh, one last thing.
And I'm totes saying this
for your own sake, El.
At Claire's tonight, could you
just try to act like...
Just...
Don't be so... Ellie, ok?
Don't be so Ellie.
Ok, that one I can promise.
Whoa. I know that smell.
Hey. Ready for banana bread?
You make banana bread, too?
"Two slices of banana bread
with a hug in the middle
-makes a love sandwich."
-Aw, sweetie, that is
such a cute saying.
Well, the bread's in the
kitchen, but here's the hug!
Aw...
Uh, I gotta go do some stuff.
You are tense, babe.
Listen... I know that
you're counting on your dad
to be at tomorrow's meet,
but I don't want you to be
disappointed if he and...
Felicia can't make it. Hm?
Oh, and I have a surprise!
Mommy-daughter spa day!
-Yay...
-Can't wait.
Hey, guys, I think I'm gonna
skip the workout today.
I'm meeting someone for donuts.
-You're messing
with us, right?
-Your final tryout
-is in tomorrow's scrimmage!
-Trust me, this donut is
gonna help that cause
way more than
a few dead body lifts.
Bro!
-What are you doing?!
-That's mom's closet!
I totally knew that!
I wasn't trying to
go out this door
as if it was a real door.
It's obviously right there.
I was just checking
to make sure everything
is still here.
Soon as you made varsity,
she'd 'a had a shirt
made for you, too, bro.
Ooh, "queen for a day"!
Or "sweet baby girl deluxe"?
Uh, you choose. They both
sound equally terrifying.
Hm?
Uh, terrifying...Ly
awesome!
Mom? Do I got a sec to run
an errand across the street?
Oh, there'll be time after.
Queen for a day is actually
only half a day long!
We'll be queens for the day.
Malloy? I had me a date with
tracksuit, not with you!
Totally showing
coach the video!
Wait, wait! I mean...
Can we just talk
things out? Man to...
Me? Just let me try
to make things better.
How? You gonna drop out so
i get the last varsity spot?
Well, I'm open to hearing
your feelings on the subject.
You rode all the way here
on your funky scooter,
you might as well get
your donuts, right?
Well, ok. But I'm not
giving you my freebie.
That's right,
ladies first, Malloy.
Ah! Ha, ha, ha!
Wait! No, no,
stop! Lady, stop it!
Stop it! Ok.
Ok, I'm good. Ah!!
Mercy! Mercy!
Whoaaaa...
So this is relaxation.
Ooh, that tingles.
Is this another treatment?
Honey, you act like you've never
had your legs waxed before.
Huh?
This has been going on
for four years now.
First your stupid brothers,
and now you wanna take my spot?
It's like the hatfields and
mccoys except I'm not a hatfield
and it's Malloy, not McCoy.
But otherwise,
-exactly the same.
-Porter, question:
Do you really like hockey?
Do you really love to play,
or do you just wanna be able
-to say you made the team?
-What's the difference?
-Ok,
you could show the video
to coach and maybe get
a spot on varsity, but...
How's that gonna change your
life? You gotta find out
what makes your heart happy,
and stop trying to be
something or someone
that you're not.
-But hockey's the only
thing I'm good at.
-Well, you have been trying
to make the team
for four years, so...
Oh. Right.
Well, that stinks.
Guess I'm not good
at anything, then.
My whole life is a lie!
Who even am I?
That's a pretty cool
contraption. I want you
to check something out.
Ok. I'll check out
this stem club thingy,
but if I don't like it,
I'm taking you down, Malloy,
down town, to video town.
Do you get it?
-'Cause of the video I took.
-Yep, I got it. Fair enough.
Mack! I totally forgot that
you're a science rock star!
That's so awesome.
-You know me?
-What? Oh! Right.
-You're Jack Malloy, aren't you?
Yes! Yes, I'm Jack Malloy.
All boy ever since I was born.
Not to be rude, mister,
but I'm kinda in a rush.
How can we can extend this
contract, like, right now?
- Ugh!
Oh, don't worry,
that's just algae.
See?
Alright, well, I'm sorry,
i can't extend the plan.
It wasn't your mom who canceled
it; It was your dad. Here, look.
They can't even extend the
service for, like, a day?!
Why did my mom
have to cancel it?!
No, it wasn't, uh,
look, it's complicated,
I'll explain later.
You gotta gimme
something else to do
to make your life better.
Besides getting body hair
ripped out by the roots.
-Dude, I can't believe i
thought you had it easier.
-Hello! I told you!
Look, I really need you to
go to Claire's party tonight
and fix stuff with sassy.
She's my best friend and i
cannot lose her right now.
-I need you
to be a guy tonight.
-What you talking 'bout?
Jack Malloy's cool
and popular. So just
be you being me,
and sassy'll know that I can
fit in, that I'm not a...
-Buzzkiller of uncoolness.
-Is that what she thinks?
Why do you wanna be friends
with this chick anyway?!
You asked me what would
make my life better,
so don't be judge-y.
A girl needs her bff.
Whoa! Gotta go!
-Thanks, mack.
-No problem.
-I had a lot of fun
hanging out with you today.
I honestly don't know
why we didn't
do this before.
I want it to be ash blond,
not ashy blond.
-I need to look ultra-cool
tonight. Like, ah-may-zing.
-Yes, I understand.
No way, are you French?!
I'm going to a Paris-themed
-party tonight!
-I'm sure it will be
very authentic.
Oh, mais oui! It's gonna be
trs chic! Well,
except for my bestie's
tragic ex-bff. This girl
would wear gym shorts on
the red carpet. She hasn't
moved on since 5th grade's
"moving on"! Ellie dommage!
-I'll get your color.
I'll be right back.
-I am right back!
-Oh! That was quick.
So, zis Ellie of tragedy...
She has been ex-bff'ed, you say?
Well, if she doesn't step up
her game by tonight,
she will be.
Which, b-t-dubs,
is totally fine with me,
'cause I am from New York
and we don't do
third wheelationships.
You know what I mean,
big city sista?
Holla! Ew!
This is very relaxing.
-Hey, honey! Where did you go?
-Mom, after the spa,
can I get, like, a makeover
and some new clothes?
I need to look ah-may-zing
tonight for Claire's party.
Are you kidding me?
You want something new?
Let's do it, babe!
Cool.
Must be another leg waxer.
There's the mystery man!
I was worried about you,
bromegranate juice.
You always Nancy out before a
big game, but dude, I've never
seen you like this before.
"Nancy out"? Oh, like nervous
Nancy? So I stress out a lot?
Does a zamboni
have 4-wheel drive?
Yeah, so I should help him
myself relieve the stress.
-Maybe relax and goof
around for a little while?
-Don't bother convincing us
you need to go to Owen's game
night. Coach'll have you
hitting hay by sunset.
-Game night? It's perfect!
-Malloy!
It's alright, guys.
I got this. I think.
You were right.
I found the answer to my heart's
question: I'm an engineer!
Not like on a train.
Like designing stuff.
Oh, that's awesome!
Is your scooter running on soda?
Pretty sick, huh? Hey,
I owe you big time. Seriously.
Call me for whatever.
It's gone, just like my
confusion over life choices.
You did that for me, Malloy.
You did.
Did Porter Gibbs just give you
a double back tap bro hug?
-Yes, he did.
-Life's sure getting better
for you, huh, Jacko?
Yes, it is.
Man, chicks know
how to throw it down.
- Hey, portster.
Ha! Science.
-Thanks, Porter.
-It's the least I can do
for the dude that helped
align me with my infinite self.
Now go, shoot up some zombies
with your... friends.
I got some friends too
i gotta go, you know.
I have this one friend,
he's at the grocery store.
We're pretty tight.
He works there, but it's just...
It's still cool, he's cool
with it.
I got that
going on tonight,
-so I'm pretty busy, but...
-Ok, ok. I get it.
- Follow me, follow me.
Ok, it's probably gonna be
weird for you at first.
Definitely gonna be weird for
me. The politics of introducing
someone into a friend group
are extremely complicated,
so let me try.
Jackpack, you made it!
Oh, is Porter with you?
-Yes, but let me explain.
-Cool. Pizza?
Yeah, don't mind if I do.
Wow! You look amazeadorable!
Ellie? Is that you?
What's with
the extreme makeover?
I... uh...
Muh... muh... uh...
Um...
See, sass, I told you
it wasn't a rumor.
It was a trumor! You don't think
she un-ponytailed herself
for us, do you?
-No, it was for him.
-Ellie?
Deny it if it's not true!
You know how much
he means to me!
Ever since, like, yesterday,
he's been my number one choice
for sophomore boyfriend!
How could you?!
-Wait!
Ok, let's let 'em talk.
By the way, nice hat.
-Not clich at all.
-Oh, merci!
-So, are you gonna admit it?
-I don't even get it!
Trumors, rumors...
Can we just, like...
Can we just be cool?
So you want things to go back
to the way they were before?
Like, pinball in my garage,
sleepovers on Saturdays,
and watching old vhs tapes?
-Yes! That! We good?
-El, I'm just not into
that stuff anymore.
We're sophomores now.
You know, Aspen's right.
You're just not
the kind of friend
that's bestie for me anymore.
Hey, El. Let's go dance.
- Yeah, take that!
Pass me another slice,
dung brains?
Dudealude.
You're eating carbs.
And grease. I haven't
seen you like this in...
Well, I've never
seen you like this.
Isn't that just wrong?
Look, discipline is great,
but sometimes a kid's gotta
have some pizza and chips,
know what I mean? So tonight
I'll be doing no
kettlebells, no deadlifts,
and the only burpees I'm
gonna be doing are these.
- Nice.
Alright, man.
Gimme this.
Hey look, a perfume bar!
Awesome! Like, seriously?
You get to make your own smell?
Man, this would totally cover
the fart wars at my house.
You have fart wars
at your house?
Yeah, you know,
-me and my mom,
fart-warring it up.
-I love it.
I saw you were having some
trouble talking to sassy
back there, huh?
Yeah. Not that I get half of
what they're saying. I mean,
"trumors", "girl code"...
Yeah, that. Well,
Aspen started this rumor
that you're trying to steal
Jack Malloy away from sassy.
Seriously? That's what
they've been babbling about?
Well, guess what?
He's not hers to steal!
Oh, good! I mean,
i didn't think so.
Ok, you know what?
I made a promise to... to me,
that I would make things better
with sassy. But what if "better"
means without sassy?
I mean, there's more than
one bff in the sea, right?
So I don't hang out
and play video games,
i don't eat pizza.
What else don't I do?
You know, from your
perspective as a friend.
Huh. Well, aside from
standing up to the coach,
which, let's face it,
is not gonna happen,
i guess the biggest
thing would be...
-Well, you know.
-Yeah,
of course I know. I don't...
-I always... I...
-You got no game.
I got no game! Wait. What?
I'm this cool of a kid and i
have trouble talking to girls?
Do all of you guys know
i have trouble talking
to girls?
-Yeah, bro.
-Even I have
better game than you.
And I got chronic halitosis.
Well, let's talk
about this.
-What can I do to beat it?
-I think I know how.
-Really??
Well, spill, girl! I mean,
spill about girls, mister.
Alright, well,
the only people you ever
have around you are...
Guys. Maybe you need to have,
like, a girl who's a friend,
before you ever have
a girl...Friend. Maybe.
Bro, are your two initials
y and y?
Because you are too wise,
too wise, my friend.
-Blowing my mind.
-I like this guy.
This is so boring.
"Joie de vivre" at
a party with no boys?
Please. I'd get some "joie"
if we could "leave"
this horror show.
Quick, follow me.
Ooh! Ooh!
- Oh, that's a good one.
I love it!
Look at that.
Oh, my god! Genius.
Hey, sassy, Aspen!
Take that down!
You're ruining everything!
Hey, what are you two doing?
You know you're being
totally uncool.
Yeah, well, you would know
"totally uncool", El,
that's your specialty.
- Oh, come on, Ellie,
take a joke. It's funny.
Ok. You know who wouldn't
think it's funny?
Jack Malloy.
That's right. He and i
are tight. Like, so-tight-
i-know-his-thoughts, tight!
Like tighty-whitey tight!
-Ok, maybe not that.
That's weird.
-Yeah.
Wait. It's one thing for you
to be going after him,
but you're saying he's into
you, too? This I gotta see.
I think it's time
for a little excursion.
There's no way she's a 7,
she's a 5 at most. But that
new girl, Aspen? She's a 9
-verging on a 10.
-Come on, it's so not cool
to reduce girls to numbers.
What about sassy gayles?
She's a total smoke
show now!
Nah, she wears
way too much makeup.
And she's kind of a fake.
We grew up on the same street
and she won't even talk
to me anymore.
But what do you think
about her friend?
The one with the ponytail?
Tracksuit! Now we're talking.
Ellie, I think her name is.
I don't know, guys,
there's something about her.
She's real, ya know?
Plus she's so hot.
Dude, you been
holding out on us?
No. Yes. I don't know.
Whoa! I'm like... kinda pretty.
Oh right, my hair.
Uh... looks awesome in the wind!
-What the heck is going on?
-Kiss me.
-What?!
-Shh! Oh, Jackie, you flirt!
Of course I'll walk
to the bridge with you
so we can be alone!
-Oh my gosh!
-What are they doing?
What is going on with these two?
Ok, don't freak,
but I kinda made everybody
think that you liked me.
-Well, that I liked you.
-What?! Why?!
-'Cause you told me to make
you cool and popular!
-Yeah, but only
so I could get sassy back!
Don't you get it? This is
major girl code violation!
Girl code is just like bro code?
But bros have your back!
-This girl is
stabbing you in the back!
-Ugh, you're such a guy!
Look, if we don't lock lips,
everyone's gonna think
you're a liar.
And if we do, I'm a traitor.
Great! You had one job,
to get my bff back,
and you screwed it up!
This is hopeless! The last day
of hockey tryouts are tomorrow
and we're not gonna switch back!
-My life is over!
-Aagh! I can't even
look at my face right now!
Yeah? Well, I. Make. Me. Sick!
-Wait! El, you're leaving?
-Yeah.
She's gotta get home before
midnight, otherwise her dress is
gonna turn back into a leotard!
Ok, normally I wouldn't call
a girl out, but you know
what? Come at me, gymnasty!
Uh-oh, girl fight!
My money's on you, tracksuit.
-Thanks, porty.
-Oh, Jack, don't do it.
-You deal with her, she's
your ex-bff, not mine!
-Ellie,
don't be such a guy
about this, ok?
You wanna be friends again
like you asked before?
'K, we're friends. Good?
Are you kidding?
You don't know anything
about friendship, sassy.
All it took was for someone
shinier to come to town
and you dropped El... me
like yesterday's garbage.
You know, I guess
i should thank Aspen.
It's because of her that
you showed your true colors.
And speaking
of true colors...
- No!
"Freak just keeps
getting freakier!"
-No, he's ruining everything!
-Ellie, are you ok?
I've never seen you do
something like that before.
Jack!
Jack Malloy! Where are you?
"Honesty is the first chapter
in the book of wisdom!"
-Thomas Jefferson.
-Seriously?
- Don't do it.
Don't you do it.
What are you...
No, no, no.
Boys don't cry!
It's allergies.
Sand in my eyes, coach.
They don't cry.
You need to take
a long look in the mirror
and think hard about how you're
gonna redeem yourself tomorrow.
Oh, you took stuff
out of her closet.
That's all. Good night.
Oh hey, El-bell,
how was the party?
Ok.
Seriously, Ellie, why sassy?
Come on, let's go.
Ah, she can't lose them both.
I'm such a doofus.
"Jack's goals.
Number one, make varsity.
Number two, play
for Boston college.
Number three,
get drafted by the NHL.
Number four, thank my mom
when I win the Stanley cup.
Signed Jack Malloy.
Witnessed by Linda Malloy".
So, one more time.
You made your phones
into magic wands
and shazamed your souls
into each others' bodies?
Do I gotta burp "the pledge of
allegiance" again to prove it?
I pledge allegiance.
Ok, ok, I'm convinced.
And you're sure this is
the way to get back?
It's the last way we can think
of to make each others' lives
better.
Do you really think we can
get our bodies to cooperate?
It's in our muscles,
believe me.
When I ran this morning
i was able to tap into
your body's power.
-You can do the same with mine.
-I don't know.
-Here, watch.
Ok then.
All I've gotta do is teach you
the gymnastics routine, and you
teach me the hockey rules!
Let's go.
Yep! I'm here. I got up early
and didn't come from
anywhere else!
Dude! You are nails, Jacko!
-Oh good, you're up!
-I'm up!
-I'm definitely up!
-Great! Your spirulina
smoothie is almost ready.
I'll add a little ginseng.
Uh, have I mentioned
how bizarre all this is?
Dude, I'm rockin' a leotard
and body glitter. You don't
have to tell me.
Is Ellie's dad here?
No-show.
Poor Ellie.
You know, if you wanna
sneak over to the rink
for your mom's ceremony.
-It's ok. I don't need to.
-You sure? There's enough time.
I don't want to, ok?
I'm sorry,
I'm just... I just really
need to focus. If we don't
fulfill this quest by noon,
-you'll have to ask me
to the homecoming dance.
-Better nail it.
I will, dork trap.
Ellie.
She just really loved the
game. And not just 'cause
her kids ruled the ice.
We miss you, mom.
And now your spirit
will always be here.
Alright, ladies.
As individuals we shine,
but we are a team
first and foremost.
By the end of the day, if we've
done our job right, there'll be
some weepy badminton players
out there, alright? So
let's kick some birdie!!
'Cause that's the little
flying thing they use
in badminton.
Let's kick some birdie! Like...
This is where you join me.
Here we go. Let's kick
some birdie!
Next, Ellie o'brien.
Ok, it's scrimmage against
varsity, four on four.
Your body's got this. You're
gonna get hit. You may go down.
-But the key is to recover, ok?
-Got it.
Yeah!!
Yeah!
Welcome to varsity, Malloy!
Amazing, Ellie, you did it!
Your team's still a sport!
We dominated 'em!
What about me?
Well, it wasn't pretty, but
you can check number one
off your list!
Varsity!
Ok... moment of truth...
It's 11:15, there's
only 45 minutes left.
No! What happened?
Why didn't it work?!
I dunno! Maybe we got attached
to each others' totems?
Switch!
-There's gotta be
something else!
-What else could there be?
-We've tried everything!
-We gotta tell the truth!
We find my mom, tell her
-what's really going on and
she'll extend the contract.
-No, that's not gonna work.
Owen believed us,
so she will too!
-We need that extra time!
-Ellie! It wasn't her!
Your mom didn't pull
the plug on your totem.
She was just covering
for your dad. It was him.
He wanted...
A new family plan.
Why would he want a...
Oh.
For his new family.
Maybe you could try calling
your dad and telling him
the truth?
-Then maybe he can call
the phone company and--
-he won't answer.
That's what he does
when he's embarrassed
about not showing up.
What are you doing here?
Let's go.
Jack. I don't repeat myself.
I'm so sorry, Ellie.
Me too, Jack.
You happy with how
you played today?
Uh, I made varsity, sir.
Yeah. Barely. And only because
everyone else played worse.
Wow.
Do you know how that makes
a kid feel, to hear that?
You see, that's your
problem. If you can't
handle the corners,
if you can't be a man
and be mentally tough,
you open yourself up to
weakness. Your emotions
can step in and knock you
to the ground.
That's it.
Enough is enough.
You were outstanding
today, love.
So, I think I know
what's going on.
Doubt it.
Someone wasn't there today
who should have been.
When someone who supported you
and was there for you
all those years
is suddenly just gone.
-I really don't
wanna talk about it.
-You have to deal with the loss.
-I'm fine!
-You're not fine.
You've been holding
this inside forever,
and your dad not showing up
today is a chance for you
to let it out.
Sometimes we miss
people so much,
we think it's beyond
words, but it's not.
She always wanted to talk.
I miss her. I miss my mom.
-I miss her so much!
-Oh, sweetie!
It's ok. I am right here.
You never have to miss me.
I'll always be with you, even
if I'm not right beside you.
What is wrong with you?!
Do you even
love me at all?
Because I hate to break it to
you, but this is not the way
you treat the people you love!
Jack. This conversation is over.
No! No, you don't get
to walk away anymore!
You hurt me.
You hurt me a lot, and
you're just gonna have
to stand there and deal!
I counted on my dad
for everything.
To just be there for me.
Now I'm moving on,
with or without a dad
who loves me.
And boys can too cry!
They should every
once in a while.
How do you feel now?
Better.
Whoa. I...
I feel better! Mom,
i gotta run to the can!
Ok, I'll get the car!
Jack! Bro!
That was
seriously gritty.
You got a lot off your brawny
chest. How do you feel?
Better. I just... I really
needed to say all that.
Gun! I feel better!
Awesome, bro.
Uh, listen, I'm gonna go
for a celebratory run!
Knock yourself out, kid.
Just wait here, brah.
Hurry! Only one minute left!
Ready? Let's do this!
Hey, it's me!
Look at you, varsity!
Oh! I love you, I love you!
I promise I will never
leave you again!
Hey, what am I wearing
under here?
Uh, couple layers of
clothing and a bathing suit
underneath that.
-Weirdo.
-Come on, let's go!
-Hey, where you going,
tracksuit?
-See you later, porty!
So, uh, you good
to take me back, right?
Yeah, sure. But, dude,
can you loosen your grip
this time? I mean,
we're buds and all,
but a guy needs his space.
-Got it.
-Ok.
Mom!
I really do
feel better now.
I am so glad, babe.
-I'll buckle that.
-Oh, mom? I got this.
From now on, you don't have
to watch me so closely.
You can go out and grab
a little life for yourself.
-I'm gonna be ok.
-I know you are, honey.
Ah, home sweet home!
Hey, you ok, man?
You had us all pretty worried.
I am so ok! Just happy
to see your big ugly faces!
Jack?
Coach?
Dad. Call me dad, son.
-After what you said to me.
-Whatever I said, I...
-It wasn't me.
-Just listen.
Ever since your mom passed,
I thought that to be tough
with you was best,
that any softness
that I allowed in
would open you up...
...open all of us up
to all that pain from the past.
But... if that made you think,
made any of you think,
for even a moment,
that I don't love you, then,
I've done this all wrong.
I love all you boys more
than you'll ever know.
You're right. Boys can cry.
C'mere, you guys.
That's an order.
Who, Jack? No, he's totally
like a brother to me,
honest.
But I think I know someone
he might like like.
Hey.
Look, just because
the team's official,
doesn't mean that she has
to come to the mall
with us. Savvy?
-Anyway.
-Oh, El,
I'm sorry.
I've been such a jerk.
We've had a great run as bffs,
but I'm cool just keeping
the memories and moving on,
-if you are.
-Ok.
-Hey, Jack.
-Hey, MacKenzie.
-'Sup?
-Want some donuts?
That one's my favorite.
I had, like, five earlier.
Learning to share.
-On me, bud.
-Jacko!
-See you later.
- Varsity boy!
Aw, I'm really gonna
miss those guys.
Except for the bropiles
and loogie hocking contests.
Not as much as I'm gonna miss
your mom's banana bread.
Oh, and that calming tea.
That's serious chillaxation.
Hey, dad? Do you know
Ms. o'brien here?
Ellie says that she leads
the best hot yoga class
in town.
And mom, do you know coach
Malloy? Jack says he makes
awesome wheatgrass smoothie.
Well, I guess our reputations
precede us. I'm summer.
I'm coa... Francis.
-Francis.
-It's nice to meet you.
Do you usually... I mean,
would you... as a matter
of course...
I drive a truck.
Delete, delete,
delete, delete, delete!
My mom and me are gonna play
checkers tonight.
It's gonna be a really fun
time, you should come
one time if you want. I like
to invite people to things,
but you don't have to.
But if you want to, you can.
Get... get off my mat!
Which one of you guys
isn't wearing deodorant?
-Stryker.
-Dude, really.
You've seen that in movies.
When a coach does that,
the people, the team
supports the coach, right?
I don't hang out and play video
games, I don't eat pizza.
-Sorry.
-What, did you drop it?
Dropped the dart.
Hey, El.