The Tiger's Tail (2006) Movie Script
- Barry speaking.
- Yes?
Not the best of news, Liam.
The planners' ruling
is on the negative side.
- They dumped on us?
- Afraid so.
Though we can appeal, of course.
- Fuck you, too!
- It's so unfair, Liam.
Look, it's utterly unreasonable
to blame me.
As your lawyer, I offer advice.
The decisions are yours.
Where did we go wrong, Larry?
I fixed the minister.
Two weeks in Florida.
Councillors got what they wanted.
What else could I do?
They take bribes,
but don't want to deliver.
It's immoral. What happened to good
old-fashioned honest corruption?
By the way, I got you a bottle of '82
Mouton Rothschild as a present.
- Thank you, Liam!
- Well, you're not getting it now.
Boss, I'm desperate. All these
businessmen are mean bastards.
Decant for a couple of hours
before drinking.
Lovely! Magic moments!
Don't shake that bottle like that.
Traffic moving where you are?
No. Is it black tie tonight?
Of course it is.
If we ever get there.
Liam, you never call.
I can't talk now, Ursula.
I'm in a meeting.
Liam, take a look to your right.
No, thank...
Liam, say something.
I've just seen myself
cleaning my windscreen.
You could talk your way
out of prison, you bastard.
- It means you're gonna die.
- What does?
Seeing your double.
- See you tonight. Bring him along.
- Who?
Your double.
I'd be interested in him.
Liam?
Gotta get out of this traffic.
Oona.
Hello?
Oona, are you alone?
Yeah, I am.
I'm outside.
What is it, Liam?
I'm seeing things.
What things?
You know, hallucinating.
Liam, you're overdoing it.
Where's your husband?
He does have a name, you know.
And where is he?
- The usual.
- Yeah.
- A few pints on him, then.
- Don't say it, Liam. Don't.
If he ever talks to you like that
again in front of me, I'll kill him.
He gets jealous.
Of what?
He gets jealous of you, Liam.
I'm your brother, for Christ's sake!
Is the traffic easing off?
Not really.
- Not there, Dad.
- Why not?
It's staring at me.
Thriller?
Thriller?
It thrills me.
Dialectical materialism.
Connor, you're not still at that?
Communism is totally discredited.
It's for victims.
It's over, washed up.
- Forget it!
- Then it's due for a comeback.
Now that capitalism's going down
the toilet.
Capitalism got you this house.
Got you your PlayStation,
your Game Boy, your iPod,
that orthodontist quack,
your mobile phone,
your laptop.
My skis.
Your skis.
Your golf clubs,
your moped...
You look ravishing.
Please don't ravish. It's taken me
two hours to get to this point.
Flowers are good, Liam,
but for a cancelled holiday,
I'd have expected a jewel at least.
Sorry. If I leave the country now,
the wolves'd close in.
Have you been torturing these lilies,
Liam?
Cheer up, Liam.
Try to look like your portrait.
To him, on his big night.
My God!
There he is.
Did you see that?
It's my face. It's him.
- Did you see anyone, Connor?
- He's losing it. Poor fella.
He's a victim of the internal
contradictions of capitalism.
Oh, shut up, Connor.
You can't go shooting people
just cos they look like you,
even if they're burglars.
Now put that thing away.
- Could it be you're projecting?
- What?
I mean, he's a projection of the part
of yourself that you hate.
That I hate?
For what you're doing.
And so you're trying to kill it off.
- Is that Marx or Freud?
- Just trying to help.
We're going to be late. Again.
A boy from the north side of Dublin.
Left school at 15 and renovated
a derelict house with his own hands.
- Liam, I can't hardly believe this.
- And he was off and running.
Older sister and a doting mother, no
wonder he thinks he can do no wrong.
That confidence helps him
take the knocks alright.
...with the big boys. And today,
he's changed the face of Dublin
with his stylish office blocks
and apartments.
James Joyce
wouldn't recognise the place.
Aren't you proud of your father,
Connor?
To make this fella rich, thousands
of people had to get poorer.
- Don't be a spoilsport.
- He's right.
He's had a few reversals,
but he's persevered and put together
a company that is the envy
of his fellow developers.
The Irish Enterprise Award
goes to Liam O'Leary!
If you mention your mother,
I'll never speak to you again.
The Grainne Whaol Award!
Thanks, lad. Thank you.
Thank you.
I'd like to dedicate this to the mammy
who's watching on television.
This is for you, Mam.
A round of applause for Mammy!
Well, we've all had pretty good times
the last few years in Ireland.
We've all made a few bob out of it.
But it is getting tougher.
And rougher.
We've got the Celtic tiger
by the tail,
and if we let go, it's gonna turn
round and bite us in the arse.
There is no standing still
in the dynamics of capitalism.
We either continue to move forwards
or we're already moving back.
Now, I want to build
a new national stadium.
State of the art.
It is my dream to bring
European soccer to Ireland.
I've bought a 50-acre
greenfield site.
I paid 45 million euro for it.
A few meadows.
Now our esteemed planners are telling
me I can't build my stadium there.
What am I supposed to do,
grow spuds on it?
Well, do you want
a new national stadium or not?
- New!
- Do you want it or not?
Yes!
Then if you're sitting beside
one of our ministers,
get working on him. Thank you all.
Thanks a lot.
Liam!
Bad luck with your planning
permission, Liam.
But it clears the way for my stadium
scheme. Want a little stake in it?
Tell you what, Bertie... Thanks, lad.
You'll never be me.
Go and buy yourself some charisma.
Your lipstick's smudged.
You were glorious, Liam.
Over the top, but that's what they
expect of you, the common touch.
Speaking of which,
that blowsy Ursula was throwing
herself at you in front of me.
- Is something going on?
- She's alright.
She's a good friend, Ursula.
There he is. That guy.
I've got to sort this out now.
You go ahead. I'll get a cab.
Is he falling apart, Mum?
He's just a bit jumpy, love.
Connor!
We're on Cheryl's hen night
We're on Cheryl's hen night
Come on, go home!
We're on Cheryl's hen night
Listen to me, stop it! Stop it!
You're not coming in, y'hear me?
Get off! Get off!
I need help!
What're you doing looking at my girl?
Go away! Leave him alone.
He's just a kid, for Christ's sake!
- I'll sort you out!
- I'll break your fucking head!
Mind your own business!
Over here, Liam!
What?
- What are you doing here?
- Following you.
- Did you see him? You must have.
- Who?
- Why are you following me?
- In case you need help.
- You're such a good kid!
- Dad! They'll think I'm a rent boy!
- Come on, we'll go home.
- You've got to have seen him!
I'll find him. I'll show you.
He's my double.
Do you think there are other realities,
Dad? Other dimensions?
There are more things
in heaven and earth, Horatio.
Right on. Do you still believe in,
like, God?
I do. I just don't like
what he gets up to.
Toilet. Connor, watch the door.
Mum? I found him.
Where are we?
We're in a story by Kafka.
You know, Franz Kafka. He's chasing
his double and quoting Hamlet.
No, I'm not drinking. Well, I might
have a Shirley Temple later.
Connor!
- You're so cute.
- Hi, Samantha.
No one. A girl from school.
I have to go.
Look at me and you're dead.
Do you believe in doppelgngers, Liam?
No, I don't.
"No, I don't. "
Then what can I be, your clone?
I don't know.
- You were adopted, weren't you?
- I wasn't adopted.
- You sure about that, hot shot?
- Course I am.
Twins. Let's say we're twins.
You tried to shoot me.
That wasn't very brotherly, was it?
It's like...
...everything is so now with E.
There's no then,
and you can really see with E.
Everything.
I can see your soul.
With my soul.
It's kind of mauve.
And you can feel it.
Soft and spongy.
And it's... it's like we're merging
or something.
Connor!
I'm sorry. It's my dad.
Or it could be his double.
You have a double?
- Yeah.
- Cool!
- You free?
- Yup.
- Come on, I'll take you home.
- I don't feel well.
Come home with me.
You're grand, see? You're fine.
She's like...
Everyone is crazy about her.
I mean, she never spoke to me before.
Never looked at me even.
Well, it happens. It can happen.
That was your mother and me.
Everybody wanted her,
but she chose me.
For better or worse.
Dad, she said she loves me.
So you could see him
and Connor couldn't.
It was dark. Connor missed him.
I really think
you should see someone.
I'll make an appointment for you.
Dr Loden is a wonderful man.
The person I need to see
is my mother.
Get her up there.
Why does she have to be naked?
That better?
It's only me!
It's a lovely day, Maeve.
This is my son.
The one who pays your wages.
- And did you see him on the telly?
- I did indeed.
- Lovely to meet you, Mr O'Leary.
- Liam.
Liam. I'll get your lunch now.
It's OK, I'll do that, Nurse.
OK. Well, I have to go
and do some shopping.
It's fine. Take the day off.
Go on, go on, go on.
He's the boss, he's the boss.
OK. Alright, then. Bye, then.
See you tomorrow, Maeve, OK?
Did you see my son on the telly?
I did indeed.
Bye.
"I dreamt I was a fish
in the roaring sea. "
"And I made a wish to be a boy. "
"And I woke, and I was. "
"But a bit of me
will always be fish
And belong to the sea. "
You were nine.
I thought
you were going to be a poet.
Look at you now.
You've made poetry
out of them buildings.
Thank you.
Mammy...
...was I adopted?
But you are of my flesh, son.
Your sister bore you.
She was 15 and...
We sent her to England to have you.
I put padding under my frock.
A bigger pillow each month.
A common enough story in Ireland
in those days, son.
But she came back with you.
And we mothered you, the both of us.
She had twins, didn't she?
Twins?
No, of course not.
What makes you say that?
Do you think
I haven't suffered all these years?
Not being able to claim you?
Having to watch Mammy hold you
and parade you?
There were two of us, weren't there?
Two of you?
Yeah, two of us.
Twins.
No, Liam. No twins, just you.
You're still lying to me.
- No.
- You are.
There was another,
and he's here in Dublin,
and he's trying to hurt me.
Oh, my God!
Thanks.
I never told Mammy.
Why not?
It was hard enough for her, you know?
Taking on a baby.
I couldn't saddle her
with two of you.
I just couldn't.
Can you ever forgive me, Liam?
Right now, I'm concentrating
on finding out who I am.
Who's my father?
He's long dead, Liam.
- I need a name.
- No.
I have a right.
Moriarty.
- Moriarty?
- Yes.
I'm a Moriarty, am I?
Are you there, Moria-rity?
Father Moriarty?
Not the parish fucking priest?
Yes.
Classic!
And the girls all cry as I pass by
Are you there, Moria-rity?
You want to share the joke?
Gimme a fiver
and I won't scratch your car!
Get away from that.
Another fiver and I'll stop them
from scratching it.
OK, it's a deal.
Is Father Andy in?
Here comes another sinner
roaring for a priest.
Liam. I thought we'd never get you
down here.
- How are you doing, Andy?
- Sure, I'm good.
We bought a new kitchen
with your donation.
- Would you like to see it?
- Yeah. Yeah.
That's not why you're here, is it?
Come round.
So, what is it?
I'm all messed up, Andy. I don't know
what I'm doing. Or why I'm doing it.
You always knew exactly who you were.
I envied you that.
Not any more.
- Maybe you'll be born again.
- Yeah!
Better get in there.
Break it up! Break it up!
Break it up! Break it up!
Break it up!
It's funny how it turned out.
You build homes
and I help the homeless.
Yeah.
The thing is, the more homes you
build, the more homeless there are.
- That's ridiculous.
- Prices go up,
people can't afford them,
they end up here.
Liam, you remember Felim?
He was at school with us.
- Liam!
- Felim! How are you doing?
Look at you!
You look...
Would you have the loan of a tenner?
- I'm a bit short at the moment.
- Yeah.
No worries, yeah.
Felim, you were some hurler
in your day.
What happened to you?
Life. Life happened to me.
May I touch the hem of your garment?
Maybe some of the luck'd rub off.
Maybe some of the luck'd rub off!
Felim, here's your tea.
He was abused.
A lot of us were abused.
Get over it. Get on with it.
It takes people different ways, Liam.
Probably egged you on.
- How about you?
- I put my faith in God.
And has he let you down? Has he?
I told you he would
when you signed up.
It's good to see you again.
Yeah, you, too.
Remember Father Moriarty? The parish
priest when we were growing up?
- Did you ever come across him again?
- Sure, everybody knew Paddy.
He was an awful rogue.
Wonderful character.
Big man.
Your build.
You knew.
Your crowd are awful tight.
I heard you on telly the other night.
"We've got the tiger by the tail
and if you let go of it, it's going to
turn round and bite the face off you. "
It's already biting, Andy.
The tiger can't get you here,
remember that.
Yeah. That's good.
Everybody's looking for you.
We've got problems.
- Cash-flow problems, tax problems...
- All is well, Declan.
Morning, ladies!
That includes you, Ken.
Jim Brady's been waiting half an hour
and we have to talk.
The press are calling.
Hacks with nasty minds.
- Let them wait.
- Your wife,
your friend the expensive minister,
your son,
Mr Paine, chief planner, well named!
I'll see him after Brady. Call
Harrison's, see if my suit is ready.
And that creep Bertie Brennan's
on his way up.
- I'll sort him.
- Go on!
Jim, how are you? Looking good.
Losing a bit of weight?
Your weight goes down
with your handicap.
That was a very entertaining speech
you made the other evening, Liam.
But I want to remind you,
that most of the 45 million you spent
on that land was ours, the bank's,
and lent to you on your guarantees
that all permissions were obtained.
Have I ever let you down?
This is a horse
of a different colour.
Not at all. Same horse,
just a few hands higher.
Liam, if this was down to me...
Jim, it is down to you. We both know
that. Now you're head honcho.
When you were a branch manager,
I looked after you.
You've done well out of me.
Just make it happen.
Just get those permits, Liam.
The momentum's with us.
You saw the reaction the other night.
Irresistible. I'm seeing
the chief planner now, as it happens.
Give my love to Orla.
- Bertie!
- Jim.
- Liam.
- Bertie.
- How are you?
- I'm alright. How are you?
- Say your piece.
- Well, Liam,
face up to it, you won't get planning
for your stadium,
not with me opposing it, not while
I have the minister in my pocket.
He was disappointed in Florida.
You should've given him
spending money!
So?
I have the money, the plans
and all the permissions
that count for my stadium.
But given the site, local residents
will slow me down with objections.
Could cost me a couple of years.
What's that got to do with me?
Your site doesn't have them problems.
I'm willing to buy it off you,
help you out.
What's the offer?
You paid too much for it, Liam.
Best I can do is this.
I'll take the bank out for you,
so you only drop five million.
And I won't humiliate you.
I'll treat that five as an investment,
so you can tell people
you're a partner. What do you say?
Fuck off is what I say.
Steady, Liam!
So our friend Jim at the bank
wants to switch the loan to you
so you can get the site for nothing?
Get out, you slime-bag! Get out!
That was not wise, Liam.
The mammy always gave you
choc-choc when you were upset?
Liam! There's someone on your boat.
He's cut his hair.
Who?
Liam, the tailor said
you already picked up your suit.
And you didn't order a 4x4, did you?
I've an invoice here for 70,000 euro.
Must be a mistake.
Liam? Liam!
- What's got into him at all?
- I don't know.
You want to have dinner tonight?
Only if you promise not to cry.
I promise.
We would designate that
as identity theft.
It's a crime that's reaching
epidemic proportions.
Did he use your credit card
to buy the suit?
No. I have an account
at the tailor's.
So why did they give it to him?
Because he looks like me.
I keep telling you!
He's an exact replica of me.
They thought he was me.
- And the car?
- Yeah, same thing.
And I suspect he's billed
my barber's.
- Why's that?
- He's copied my haircut.
And how was your dear mother?
Is that a loaded question?
You spent the night.
- Yeah.
- At the cottage.
Of course.
- What have I done now?
- I hardly know you any more.
You used to be so honest.
Now you lie through your teeth.
- What are you talking about?
- You weren't with your mother.
You were seen in Dublin
with Ursula in a restaurant
and you presumably
spent the night with her.
- It's him.
- Come on, Liam!
Not the phantom double again.
Surely you can do better than that.
- Hello?
- Hiya. It's Liam.
- Hello, Liam!
- I'm back home.
From where?
From visiting you.
Really?
When was that?
Mammy,
remember you read my poem.
Are you in the bathroom?
Doesn't sound like your voice.
Is that better?
No, Jane wasn't with me, no.
Mammy, I'll have to go.
Yeah. I'll call you tomorrow.
Sleep well.
We never talk.
You never touch me.
I feel like one of your acquisitions.
And now you're having an affair.
Have we reached the end of the line?
No.
I know how it looks, but
I have never looked at another woman.
I'll make it up to you.
I'll change, I promise.
Let's talk about it.
I suggest that you sleep
in your study tonight.
I'll find him. I'll prove it to you.
Over 'ere!
What do you want?
- What do you want from me?
- Come and find out, you bastard!
Come on!
Damn!
Stop!
Let's talk! Stop!
My phone.
What happened to your keys?
God knows.
God knows.
Are you alright, Dad?
Your voice sounds funny.
Sore throat?
Look.
What?
"Money is accumulated labour. "
Says who?
Karl Marx says. Think about that
next time you make a bunch of dosh.
It comes from lots of men
doing loads of work.
Want me to turn on the alarm?
Yeah. And bolt the door.
We don't want those workers
breaking in
looking for their accumulated labour,
do we?
OK, then, well, we'll meet
for a coffee after pilates.
Well, we'll talk about that later.
Cheers.
Alright, change and then get out.
Stop that!
Stop it! Let go!
Oh, Liam!
Oh, Liam!
What was that about?
What's got into you?
You don't come near me for months
and then this!
Don't go to sleep on me! You said
you wanted to talk, so let's talk.
How could you screw
that awful Ursula?
Let me guess. She's longed for you
since she was 12,
she didn't want to go to the grave
without doing it once
and you took pity on her.
Community service.
So?
What was it like?
Couldn't get it up.
You expect me to believe that?
No.
Ah, shit!
Ah, shit! Shit!
Bastard!
Fucking bolted!
- What was that?
- It's him.
Oh, God, don't start that again.
Right, this'll do.
Police? No, not a false alarm.
- It's me!
- Liam!
He's an impostor!
You bitch!
Liam!
It's him! It's him!
Liam!
I saw him! I saw him.
Did he say anything?
There really is a double.
Or something.
I'm sorry I doubted you.
I thought you were losing your mind.
Stay here.
You won't get away with it!
In your earlier statement,
you said he misappropriated the 4x4,
the one standing outside the house.
Can we assume that he arrived in it?
Wait. I thought it was out there
when Dad came home.
Maybe not.
And you say you've seen him
on more than one occasion.
Yeah.
And he looks enough like you
to convince people that he is you?
Obviously!
You definitely saw him at the window,
Mrs O'Leary?
Yes. Liam says he has a double
and I can certainly see the resemblance.
But I could never mistake him
for my husband.
He was filthy and he had these
mad eyes and he looked just awful.
And he called me a bitch.
Well, I think that's about enough
for now.
I have the details of your mother
and sister.
We'll warn them
and keep an eye on their houses.
And of course all your staff
need to be alerted.
Thanks.
Call if he tries it again.
Oona.
Oona will know who I am.
Please be in the ignition.
Yeah.
- Do come to bed.
- In a minute.
Got to report this.
Oh, God, Oona, no!
- That's him! That's the one!
- Stop!
Stop!
Ursula!
Ursula!
Ursula, I need you to prove who I am.
Oh, God, Liam, go away!
Yeah, sorry.
Ursula, I really need your help.
- Paul, he found out.
- About what?
About us. On your boat.
Ursula, that wasn't the real me.
I'm sorry.
What's going on here?
Get away from my house!
- Go on, you tripe-hound! Get away!
- Please, go on inside!
What are you coming back for?
What is your problem?
It wasn't me!
I don't ever wanna see him again!
Is Father Andy in?
He's in his bed, like all
god-fearing people at this hour,
in his own house.
- Can I come in?
- At this hour?
It's Liam O'Leary.
- I'm destitute.
- That's something!
For God's sake,
will you turn that fucking light off?
Liam O'Leary destitute. The bigger
they come, the harder they fall.
Get a mattress there for yourself.
As you can see, there's no beds.
And you can't fall lower than this.
This is the bottom of the barrel.
You! Put your fucking light off!
Felim?
Felim! It's me.
Liam.
Liam O'Leary.
Remember?
I dropped you a 20-spot yesterday.
No way.
Do you remember me?
Shall I bring the collection box
up to the house, Father?
Shall I, Father?
You mad fuck!
Now, now, there, there.
Look.
Take a pull out of this.
What is it?
All kinds of everything.
Blessed oblivion.
Steady, steady, steady.
Buttercups and daffodils
- And little things...
- Lights out!
That was careless.
Leaving your stolen vehicle outside
for all the world to see.
No, no, this is a mistake.
No, I'm not him, I'm me.
Felim, tell 'em.
Rot in hell, Father.
I'm arresting you on charges
of impersonation, fraud,
theft of a vehicle, breaking
and entering with intent to rob.
You have the right
to remain silent...
I had me doubts, alright.
There's no way
he could be Liam O'Leary.
To each according to his needs.
Dad.
Redistribution of wealth.
That time again.
Don't turn it into a political debate.
Give him his pocket money.
Am I being fined? For what?
Got to go.
Liam?
You forgot your coat.
Oh, God, I hope you're not getting
like your mother.
It is Jane, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
Your phone list runs into two pages.
Planning officer wants to know
will you re-appeal the decision on
the stadium or go for a judicial review?
What shall I tell them?
I'll let you know. Sorry, sore throat.
I want a list of all employees
in accounts.
Bingo!
Here they are. Anything else?
There's something for your throat.
Send Declan in.
The police called. They found your car
in the Wicklow Hills.
I told the guards to tow it in.
What were you doing up there?
What have we got in hand?
What's the bottom line,
the cash situation?
Well, at least you're asking
instead of avoiding the issue.
We need a legal opinion.
We should send for Larry.
You should take something
for that throat.
The additional charges of resisting
arrest and assaulting a garda
make this a very serious case indeed.
Wake him up, escort.
Given your confused
and bizarre account,
I'm going to remand you in custody
pending a psychiatric report.
Do you understand?
The land for the stadium
has really stretched us.
We only have five in it.
The bank has 40.
No problem if we can win an appeal.
But as it stands, the bank
won't lend us another cent.
If I wasn't so nice, I'd be saying,
"I told you so. "
You did, Sally, you did. She did.
- Get on with it.
- Yeah.
We have a big loan
on the Ringsend office block.
And with only 35 percent occupancy,
we're not even covering the interest.
So how much do we have in hand,
cash?
If we had to scrape it together
from all sources,
how much would it come to?
Liam, all we have is overdrafts
and loans.
Unless you can sweet-talk the bank
into rescheduling our debt,
we can't pay the wages next month.
Cars. What about cars?
Cows?
Cars!
They're all leased! You know that.
More tax-efficient. Him.
Go for the appeal, Larry.
Well, before I commit to what
will be a time-consuming brief,
I owe it to my partners
to ensure our fees are secured.
And it seems that you...
Not a prostitute, no. More a courtesan.
Regular gentlemen.
A judge, a cabinet minister,
a property developer.
Specialised, you see.
Certain practices. Certain specialties.
Men at the top have particular needs,
do you see?
Very discreet always, like a priest.
My boudoir of the confessional.
But since they put me in here
to shut me up, I'm naming names.
Naming names.
Spank and tell, I call it.
Trouble is, no one believes a nutter.
What is a nutter?
Anyone who's in the nuthouse.
Arthur Dunne.
- Excuse me, Nurse.
- What do you want?
I'm just in here for assessment.
- So?
- Well, I've been waiting all day.
He won't see you now. He does
his private practice in the afternoons.
You know, rich neurotics.
- Nutcases in the mornings.
- Bertie Brennan.
- Rob Quigley.
- Did you say Bertie Brennan?
- Your man, the property developer?
- Bertie, yes.
Likes dressing up in babies' clothes,
sucks titty.
You don't have any photographs,
by any chance?
Of course I do. That's my pension.
I'm on my way to your office, Liam.
For your appointment with Dr Loden.
Don't argue. Do it for me.
I'll pick you up.
So that's what your wife thinks.
What do you think?
She's very clever.
She's probably right.
That your memory loss
is stress-related.
Must be.
What kind of stress are you under?
Well, this character who looks like me
is trying to take over my life.
- Made me wonder about things.
- What kind of things?
Well, if he did take over my life,
would anyone notice the difference?
I mean,
if you can be somebody else, does
that mean you're no longer yourself?
Do you change
into that somebody else?
Does that mean the person
you used to be is kind of,
well, dead?
Role playing is something we all do.
Well, we're all just actors, then,
and there's nothing at the centre?
It's me and nobody else?
If you are religious,
you'd call it your soul.
What's that?
A warm, fluffy little thing
tucked inside somewhere?
Do you take credit cards?
Yes. Not American Express.
That's a relief. I feel much better.
- You still have 30 minutes.
- Give me a discount, then.
Come on, beddy-byes. Everyone on
their feet. Come on, let's go. Let's go.
I don't belong here! Let me go!
There's someone out there
trying to take over my life!
You're a different person.
More like the person you used to be.
Was he a help, Dr Loden?
He said there's no me or you.
We make it up, who we are.
It's all pretence.
But when you make love like that,
you're totally alive
and completely yourself,
whoever you are.
Are we falling in love
all over again?
Feels like the first time.
Better than.
Identity theft is one thing.
Passports, credit cards, etc.
But did you really believe
that you could take over Mr O'Leary's
house and family, even his job?
No, no. That's what he's doing to me.
Look, he... I am Liam O'Leary.
He is not.
I can prove it.
And how would you do that?
Give me just ten minutes in a room
with him and my wife.
Well, I can't see Mr and Mrs O'Leary
agreeing to that.
When you were a child, did you have
fantasies about being someone else?
Yeah. I thought I was a fish.
Take patient X back to his zone
and maintain the medication at 10mg.
All I'm saying, Jim,
and this is not a threat,
all I'm saying is, if you drive us
to the wall, if we go under,
you go down with us.
I don't think so.
I'd advise you to listen to Bertie's
proposal. Drop your scheme
and hitch a ride with him.
It's the only way I can see
to rescheduling your loans.
OK, gotcha. We'll sort it out.
Can I get a couple of grand cash
on the way out, just to tide me over?
Jeez.
Gotcha!
Take it! Be happy.
Men used to come to me
to relieve their stress,
but these pills do a much better job.
- I don't belong here.
- I can see that.
You're all twisted and angry
like the sane people outside.
All better?
...duty as Assistant Governor,
in accordance with government policy,
in order to reduce expenditure,
all non-violent patients
will be released forthwith.
I'd like you to know that I,
and our professional body,
are fundamentally opposed
to this policy.
However, we've no choice
but to implement it.
Right, to those of you
who are not remaining with us,
best of luck to you.
Yes. Right.
T Ash.
E Aspall. H Haughey. U Balan.
M Balding. N Bales.
Excuse me, Nurse. When do I see
the psychiatrist again?
- I'm just here for assessment.
- Are you patient X?
No, my name is O'Leary.
Don't shit me. You are X.
X is on the list.
X is outta here.
You're an ex-patient, like it or not.
G Ballard. T Byrne.
M Barton. N Beatty.
- There's no peace out here.
- No, there isn't.
- That must be worth a bit.
- Can't really say.
I'll send you a written offer.
Look, how much for the lot?
Ballpark figure.
That's something I'd have to discuss
with my partners.
How about a cash deposit?
I really can't do that.
Perhaps you'd prefer to do business
with somebody else.
- You selling up, Dad?
- Yeah. We're down-sizing.
Does Mum know?
She's more of an up-sizer.
These should fetch a bit.
I took up golf because you said you'd
play with me. But you never did.
Like sailing the boat. You promised
you'd teach me to sail, but no.
No time!
The boat.
I'd forgotten about the boat.
You're supposed to be my father!
- That's it, I've had it!
- Connor?
Connor, what is it?
I'll be right down, OK?
- Hello, darling. Are you going out?
- Meeting at the office.
Don't be late.
Can I borrow your car?
Jane?
What could you ever see
in someone like me?
Well, I love you.
Nothing else matters.
I know who you are.
Or who you're not.
You don't have to pretend any more.
No.
Perhaps it's better that you do.
Goodbye, Jane.
- Where are you going?
- What do you care?
I do care. Connor, listen. I do care!
I haven't been around very much.
I'll make it up to you.
How much will you get
for my golf clubs?
Anyway, I'm leaving home.
I'm opting out of the system.
- Leave me alone!
- Wait, wait.
I don't want your money. It's tainted.
- Have you told your mother?
- I left her a note.
Remember Father Andy at the centre?
If you get into trouble, he'll help.
I'm not a Catholic any more.
You know nothing about me.
How much?
20 euros?
That's very little.
Can you not do better?
Best we could do now is 25.
Hi, Connor.
- What's up?
- I've left home.
Cool!
I thought maybe I could stay.
That's not a football club.
That's an exploitation machine.
Can't you see that you're a victim
of cynical capitalism?
That shirt's like a sign saying,
"I'm a total idiot. "
"I give greedy people my money with
a smile. " Or a grin in your case.
Don't! Don't! He's just weird.
And a communist.
An actual, like, member of the party.
Can you believe that?
Liam! You're back again.
Not Liam. The other one.
The prodigal son returns.
Where's the fatted calf?
I need money.
You can have whatever I have.
You have a right to that.
Is that all you want, money?
Is that what you came looking for?
Liam says you're trying to hurt him.
Is that true?
Why did you keep him
and give me away?
See, he was sickly. You were strong.
I was 15. I couldn't keep you both.
I couldn't even keep him.
I had to give him to my mother.
There hasn't been one day of my life
where I haven't...
...wondered and worried about you.
And I don't even know your name.
My name is none of your business.
Was she...
Was she good to you,
the woman who?
- My mother?
- No, I'm your mother.
No, you're not. She was.
- Was?
- She's dead!
Don't you! You're a grown man!
Haven't you got a life?
Big hulking fella like you?
Have you got nothing better to do
than come here
upsetting other people's lives?
Hurting them
and wanting what they have?
You ought to be ashamed of yourself!
You've had hard times.
Will you not tell me about yourself?
- Are you married?
- Divorced.
No kids.
She got the house.
I took to drink. Lost me job.
Living on the street.
End of story.
How did you find us?
If you had taken me instead of him,
I'd have what he has.
Well, I didn't, did I?
I'll make you a cup of tea, then
we'll go to the bank for the money.
- That's Bertie Brennan?
- Good Jesus!
Sally, I want two copies.
One to bring Bertie to heel,
the other for Jim Brady at the bank.
The woman's number is on the back.
Take care of her.
Find her a place to stay.
- It would be my pleasure. Yes!
- Declan.
Tell Bertie he'll get his photo once he
drops his objection to our stadium.
Tell Jim... How much
do we want to cover the wages?
- 50.
- Be in our account by tonight.
Submit the planning appeal.
We won't have much trouble now.
- Right. Liam...
- Liam, your sister Oona on line two.
Hiya, Oona. Yeah?
Right, don't panic. Are you OK?
I'll be right there.
Liam, you're not going already?
Liam, I've been meaning to ask you.
I know you don't...
I know you don't employ couples,
but how would you feel about Sally
and I getting married?
- But you are married, Declan!
- Divorcing, Liam, divorcing.
- How does Sally feel about it?
- She's not that keen.
That solves that one, then.
I don't even know
how you take your tea.
Drink up and then
we'll go to the bank.
I don't want your money.
What are you going to do?
Disappear.
Don't go. Please.
Your brother...
What was he doing here? Get in!
What am I doing here?
You!
Get up!
Bastard!
It's OK.
You win.
You can have your life back.
Oh, no!
You took it. You keep it.
And all that goes with it.
Why?
- Because she loves you, not me.
- She can't tell the difference.
Yes, she can. She knows who you are.
You're doing this for her, aren't you?
And you love her, don't you?
I'll arm-wrestle you for her.
No. I'll wrestle you for the beer,
though.
Damn it! All I wanted was to punish you,
grab some of the cash,
and get out.
Punish me? Why?
For being you instead of me.
Now you are me.
All those debts.
I fixed all that.
A bum like me can't run a business
like that.
You don't have to. Sally runs it.
Every office in this town has an
underpaid Sally holding it together.
We should let her in on it.
Give her a pay rise.
What about you?
Send me a few bob now and again.
When you have it.
Two more pints.
Hello?
It's for one of you.
Gonna miss you. Hello?
OK, alright, OK, I'm coming!
Liam!
Liam?
- Did you call an ambulance?
- 20 minutes ago.
Whatever he's taken,
he's taken a lot of it.
Connor! Connor! Connor!
How long has he been like this?
Don't know. We found him outside.
What do you want to do?
- We'll take him in my car.
- Eddie, get the door.
Connor! Come on.
Come on, come on, please, come on!
Jesus!
It's completely blocked.
- We'd better carry him.
- What?
We'll carry him.
There it is!
Is that Connor O'Leary?
- Yeah!
- How's he doing?
- I don't know.
- You're better off on foot.
We're gridlocked. I'll radio in
to the hospital. Get him down fast.
- He won't do anything!
- Go on, go on.
- Do nothing!
- Just go on, as quick as we can!
We have to see a doctor now!
Take a seat over there.
Take a seat.
- There is no seat!
- Lads! Lads!
- I'll get him to see you right away.
- Thanks very much.
- They know me here. Alright?
- Yes.
Thank you. Thanks very much.
Connor! Connor. Connor.
Connor, come back!
Come on, hang on now.
You can't chuck it in.
OK, life sucks, but you believe
in stuff. You can make it better.
You can't let your
anti-globalisation pals down.
Without warriors like you,
they'll genetically modify everything
behind our backs.
And I love you.
Samantha...
That's it. That's it, Connor.
That's it. Keep talking.
Coming through, please!
Connor.
Connor!
He will be alright, won't he?
I hope so.
- Hello, Jane.
- Andy, what?
Every time he starts to come round,
the more the barbiturates metabolise
in the liver,
and it puts him under again.
He'll be in and out of consciousness
for 24 hours or so, but he'll be OK.
- Thank God.
- He's going to be fine, they say.
- You'll all have to leave now.
- They're going to find him a bed.
- OK. Nurse, will you call if?
- We'll let you know of any change.
I've left my mobile number with them.
OK.
We've made a mess of it.
Yeah.
I should have...
No. You were there.
You're his father, Liam.
It's epidemic amongst the young men
of this country.
They're like our suicide bombers.
They're protesting against
what we've become as a society.
And it seems that every success
needs a victim to go with it.
Well, you know, Andy,
Connor would go for that.
Cheers.
Mind you, it might have been the girl.
There was a girl?
Ah, well...
Look, there's Tommy.
Tommy? Tommy, you're sleepwalking.
Turn around.
Turn around.
Good lad. That's it.
Back the way you came.
And he's tried it twice.
So what are you going to do
now you're out of the loop?
Now you're one of us,
one of the have-nots?
Where am I?
"Who am I?" is a better question.
- I was trying to be dead.
- I know.
Where are we going?
I thought maybe Cuba first stop,
so you can see Marxism in action.
Cuba?
Or we could take a trip around the bay.
Back to school tomorrow, if you want.
Here.
Get that jib sheet there,
Connor, will you?
Come on, get a move on!
You're not going to start
shouting at me now, are you?
Nah. I'm a changed man.
- Yes?
Not the best of news, Liam.
The planners' ruling
is on the negative side.
- They dumped on us?
- Afraid so.
Though we can appeal, of course.
- Fuck you, too!
- It's so unfair, Liam.
Look, it's utterly unreasonable
to blame me.
As your lawyer, I offer advice.
The decisions are yours.
Where did we go wrong, Larry?
I fixed the minister.
Two weeks in Florida.
Councillors got what they wanted.
What else could I do?
They take bribes,
but don't want to deliver.
It's immoral. What happened to good
old-fashioned honest corruption?
By the way, I got you a bottle of '82
Mouton Rothschild as a present.
- Thank you, Liam!
- Well, you're not getting it now.
Boss, I'm desperate. All these
businessmen are mean bastards.
Decant for a couple of hours
before drinking.
Lovely! Magic moments!
Don't shake that bottle like that.
Traffic moving where you are?
No. Is it black tie tonight?
Of course it is.
If we ever get there.
Liam, you never call.
I can't talk now, Ursula.
I'm in a meeting.
Liam, take a look to your right.
No, thank...
Liam, say something.
I've just seen myself
cleaning my windscreen.
You could talk your way
out of prison, you bastard.
- It means you're gonna die.
- What does?
Seeing your double.
- See you tonight. Bring him along.
- Who?
Your double.
I'd be interested in him.
Liam?
Gotta get out of this traffic.
Oona.
Hello?
Oona, are you alone?
Yeah, I am.
I'm outside.
What is it, Liam?
I'm seeing things.
What things?
You know, hallucinating.
Liam, you're overdoing it.
Where's your husband?
He does have a name, you know.
And where is he?
- The usual.
- Yeah.
- A few pints on him, then.
- Don't say it, Liam. Don't.
If he ever talks to you like that
again in front of me, I'll kill him.
He gets jealous.
Of what?
He gets jealous of you, Liam.
I'm your brother, for Christ's sake!
Is the traffic easing off?
Not really.
- Not there, Dad.
- Why not?
It's staring at me.
Thriller?
Thriller?
It thrills me.
Dialectical materialism.
Connor, you're not still at that?
Communism is totally discredited.
It's for victims.
It's over, washed up.
- Forget it!
- Then it's due for a comeback.
Now that capitalism's going down
the toilet.
Capitalism got you this house.
Got you your PlayStation,
your Game Boy, your iPod,
that orthodontist quack,
your mobile phone,
your laptop.
My skis.
Your skis.
Your golf clubs,
your moped...
You look ravishing.
Please don't ravish. It's taken me
two hours to get to this point.
Flowers are good, Liam,
but for a cancelled holiday,
I'd have expected a jewel at least.
Sorry. If I leave the country now,
the wolves'd close in.
Have you been torturing these lilies,
Liam?
Cheer up, Liam.
Try to look like your portrait.
To him, on his big night.
My God!
There he is.
Did you see that?
It's my face. It's him.
- Did you see anyone, Connor?
- He's losing it. Poor fella.
He's a victim of the internal
contradictions of capitalism.
Oh, shut up, Connor.
You can't go shooting people
just cos they look like you,
even if they're burglars.
Now put that thing away.
- Could it be you're projecting?
- What?
I mean, he's a projection of the part
of yourself that you hate.
That I hate?
For what you're doing.
And so you're trying to kill it off.
- Is that Marx or Freud?
- Just trying to help.
We're going to be late. Again.
A boy from the north side of Dublin.
Left school at 15 and renovated
a derelict house with his own hands.
- Liam, I can't hardly believe this.
- And he was off and running.
Older sister and a doting mother, no
wonder he thinks he can do no wrong.
That confidence helps him
take the knocks alright.
...with the big boys. And today,
he's changed the face of Dublin
with his stylish office blocks
and apartments.
James Joyce
wouldn't recognise the place.
Aren't you proud of your father,
Connor?
To make this fella rich, thousands
of people had to get poorer.
- Don't be a spoilsport.
- He's right.
He's had a few reversals,
but he's persevered and put together
a company that is the envy
of his fellow developers.
The Irish Enterprise Award
goes to Liam O'Leary!
If you mention your mother,
I'll never speak to you again.
The Grainne Whaol Award!
Thanks, lad. Thank you.
Thank you.
I'd like to dedicate this to the mammy
who's watching on television.
This is for you, Mam.
A round of applause for Mammy!
Well, we've all had pretty good times
the last few years in Ireland.
We've all made a few bob out of it.
But it is getting tougher.
And rougher.
We've got the Celtic tiger
by the tail,
and if we let go, it's gonna turn
round and bite us in the arse.
There is no standing still
in the dynamics of capitalism.
We either continue to move forwards
or we're already moving back.
Now, I want to build
a new national stadium.
State of the art.
It is my dream to bring
European soccer to Ireland.
I've bought a 50-acre
greenfield site.
I paid 45 million euro for it.
A few meadows.
Now our esteemed planners are telling
me I can't build my stadium there.
What am I supposed to do,
grow spuds on it?
Well, do you want
a new national stadium or not?
- New!
- Do you want it or not?
Yes!
Then if you're sitting beside
one of our ministers,
get working on him. Thank you all.
Thanks a lot.
Liam!
Bad luck with your planning
permission, Liam.
But it clears the way for my stadium
scheme. Want a little stake in it?
Tell you what, Bertie... Thanks, lad.
You'll never be me.
Go and buy yourself some charisma.
Your lipstick's smudged.
You were glorious, Liam.
Over the top, but that's what they
expect of you, the common touch.
Speaking of which,
that blowsy Ursula was throwing
herself at you in front of me.
- Is something going on?
- She's alright.
She's a good friend, Ursula.
There he is. That guy.
I've got to sort this out now.
You go ahead. I'll get a cab.
Is he falling apart, Mum?
He's just a bit jumpy, love.
Connor!
We're on Cheryl's hen night
We're on Cheryl's hen night
Come on, go home!
We're on Cheryl's hen night
Listen to me, stop it! Stop it!
You're not coming in, y'hear me?
Get off! Get off!
I need help!
What're you doing looking at my girl?
Go away! Leave him alone.
He's just a kid, for Christ's sake!
- I'll sort you out!
- I'll break your fucking head!
Mind your own business!
Over here, Liam!
What?
- What are you doing here?
- Following you.
- Did you see him? You must have.
- Who?
- Why are you following me?
- In case you need help.
- You're such a good kid!
- Dad! They'll think I'm a rent boy!
- Come on, we'll go home.
- You've got to have seen him!
I'll find him. I'll show you.
He's my double.
Do you think there are other realities,
Dad? Other dimensions?
There are more things
in heaven and earth, Horatio.
Right on. Do you still believe in,
like, God?
I do. I just don't like
what he gets up to.
Toilet. Connor, watch the door.
Mum? I found him.
Where are we?
We're in a story by Kafka.
You know, Franz Kafka. He's chasing
his double and quoting Hamlet.
No, I'm not drinking. Well, I might
have a Shirley Temple later.
Connor!
- You're so cute.
- Hi, Samantha.
No one. A girl from school.
I have to go.
Look at me and you're dead.
Do you believe in doppelgngers, Liam?
No, I don't.
"No, I don't. "
Then what can I be, your clone?
I don't know.
- You were adopted, weren't you?
- I wasn't adopted.
- You sure about that, hot shot?
- Course I am.
Twins. Let's say we're twins.
You tried to shoot me.
That wasn't very brotherly, was it?
It's like...
...everything is so now with E.
There's no then,
and you can really see with E.
Everything.
I can see your soul.
With my soul.
It's kind of mauve.
And you can feel it.
Soft and spongy.
And it's... it's like we're merging
or something.
Connor!
I'm sorry. It's my dad.
Or it could be his double.
You have a double?
- Yeah.
- Cool!
- You free?
- Yup.
- Come on, I'll take you home.
- I don't feel well.
Come home with me.
You're grand, see? You're fine.
She's like...
Everyone is crazy about her.
I mean, she never spoke to me before.
Never looked at me even.
Well, it happens. It can happen.
That was your mother and me.
Everybody wanted her,
but she chose me.
For better or worse.
Dad, she said she loves me.
So you could see him
and Connor couldn't.
It was dark. Connor missed him.
I really think
you should see someone.
I'll make an appointment for you.
Dr Loden is a wonderful man.
The person I need to see
is my mother.
Get her up there.
Why does she have to be naked?
That better?
It's only me!
It's a lovely day, Maeve.
This is my son.
The one who pays your wages.
- And did you see him on the telly?
- I did indeed.
- Lovely to meet you, Mr O'Leary.
- Liam.
Liam. I'll get your lunch now.
It's OK, I'll do that, Nurse.
OK. Well, I have to go
and do some shopping.
It's fine. Take the day off.
Go on, go on, go on.
He's the boss, he's the boss.
OK. Alright, then. Bye, then.
See you tomorrow, Maeve, OK?
Did you see my son on the telly?
I did indeed.
Bye.
"I dreamt I was a fish
in the roaring sea. "
"And I made a wish to be a boy. "
"And I woke, and I was. "
"But a bit of me
will always be fish
And belong to the sea. "
You were nine.
I thought
you were going to be a poet.
Look at you now.
You've made poetry
out of them buildings.
Thank you.
Mammy...
...was I adopted?
But you are of my flesh, son.
Your sister bore you.
She was 15 and...
We sent her to England to have you.
I put padding under my frock.
A bigger pillow each month.
A common enough story in Ireland
in those days, son.
But she came back with you.
And we mothered you, the both of us.
She had twins, didn't she?
Twins?
No, of course not.
What makes you say that?
Do you think
I haven't suffered all these years?
Not being able to claim you?
Having to watch Mammy hold you
and parade you?
There were two of us, weren't there?
Two of you?
Yeah, two of us.
Twins.
No, Liam. No twins, just you.
You're still lying to me.
- No.
- You are.
There was another,
and he's here in Dublin,
and he's trying to hurt me.
Oh, my God!
Thanks.
I never told Mammy.
Why not?
It was hard enough for her, you know?
Taking on a baby.
I couldn't saddle her
with two of you.
I just couldn't.
Can you ever forgive me, Liam?
Right now, I'm concentrating
on finding out who I am.
Who's my father?
He's long dead, Liam.
- I need a name.
- No.
I have a right.
Moriarty.
- Moriarty?
- Yes.
I'm a Moriarty, am I?
Are you there, Moria-rity?
Father Moriarty?
Not the parish fucking priest?
Yes.
Classic!
And the girls all cry as I pass by
Are you there, Moria-rity?
You want to share the joke?
Gimme a fiver
and I won't scratch your car!
Get away from that.
Another fiver and I'll stop them
from scratching it.
OK, it's a deal.
Is Father Andy in?
Here comes another sinner
roaring for a priest.
Liam. I thought we'd never get you
down here.
- How are you doing, Andy?
- Sure, I'm good.
We bought a new kitchen
with your donation.
- Would you like to see it?
- Yeah. Yeah.
That's not why you're here, is it?
Come round.
So, what is it?
I'm all messed up, Andy. I don't know
what I'm doing. Or why I'm doing it.
You always knew exactly who you were.
I envied you that.
Not any more.
- Maybe you'll be born again.
- Yeah!
Better get in there.
Break it up! Break it up!
Break it up! Break it up!
Break it up!
It's funny how it turned out.
You build homes
and I help the homeless.
Yeah.
The thing is, the more homes you
build, the more homeless there are.
- That's ridiculous.
- Prices go up,
people can't afford them,
they end up here.
Liam, you remember Felim?
He was at school with us.
- Liam!
- Felim! How are you doing?
Look at you!
You look...
Would you have the loan of a tenner?
- I'm a bit short at the moment.
- Yeah.
No worries, yeah.
Felim, you were some hurler
in your day.
What happened to you?
Life. Life happened to me.
May I touch the hem of your garment?
Maybe some of the luck'd rub off.
Maybe some of the luck'd rub off!
Felim, here's your tea.
He was abused.
A lot of us were abused.
Get over it. Get on with it.
It takes people different ways, Liam.
Probably egged you on.
- How about you?
- I put my faith in God.
And has he let you down? Has he?
I told you he would
when you signed up.
It's good to see you again.
Yeah, you, too.
Remember Father Moriarty? The parish
priest when we were growing up?
- Did you ever come across him again?
- Sure, everybody knew Paddy.
He was an awful rogue.
Wonderful character.
Big man.
Your build.
You knew.
Your crowd are awful tight.
I heard you on telly the other night.
"We've got the tiger by the tail
and if you let go of it, it's going to
turn round and bite the face off you. "
It's already biting, Andy.
The tiger can't get you here,
remember that.
Yeah. That's good.
Everybody's looking for you.
We've got problems.
- Cash-flow problems, tax problems...
- All is well, Declan.
Morning, ladies!
That includes you, Ken.
Jim Brady's been waiting half an hour
and we have to talk.
The press are calling.
Hacks with nasty minds.
- Let them wait.
- Your wife,
your friend the expensive minister,
your son,
Mr Paine, chief planner, well named!
I'll see him after Brady. Call
Harrison's, see if my suit is ready.
And that creep Bertie Brennan's
on his way up.
- I'll sort him.
- Go on!
Jim, how are you? Looking good.
Losing a bit of weight?
Your weight goes down
with your handicap.
That was a very entertaining speech
you made the other evening, Liam.
But I want to remind you,
that most of the 45 million you spent
on that land was ours, the bank's,
and lent to you on your guarantees
that all permissions were obtained.
Have I ever let you down?
This is a horse
of a different colour.
Not at all. Same horse,
just a few hands higher.
Liam, if this was down to me...
Jim, it is down to you. We both know
that. Now you're head honcho.
When you were a branch manager,
I looked after you.
You've done well out of me.
Just make it happen.
Just get those permits, Liam.
The momentum's with us.
You saw the reaction the other night.
Irresistible. I'm seeing
the chief planner now, as it happens.
Give my love to Orla.
- Bertie!
- Jim.
- Liam.
- Bertie.
- How are you?
- I'm alright. How are you?
- Say your piece.
- Well, Liam,
face up to it, you won't get planning
for your stadium,
not with me opposing it, not while
I have the minister in my pocket.
He was disappointed in Florida.
You should've given him
spending money!
So?
I have the money, the plans
and all the permissions
that count for my stadium.
But given the site, local residents
will slow me down with objections.
Could cost me a couple of years.
What's that got to do with me?
Your site doesn't have them problems.
I'm willing to buy it off you,
help you out.
What's the offer?
You paid too much for it, Liam.
Best I can do is this.
I'll take the bank out for you,
so you only drop five million.
And I won't humiliate you.
I'll treat that five as an investment,
so you can tell people
you're a partner. What do you say?
Fuck off is what I say.
Steady, Liam!
So our friend Jim at the bank
wants to switch the loan to you
so you can get the site for nothing?
Get out, you slime-bag! Get out!
That was not wise, Liam.
The mammy always gave you
choc-choc when you were upset?
Liam! There's someone on your boat.
He's cut his hair.
Who?
Liam, the tailor said
you already picked up your suit.
And you didn't order a 4x4, did you?
I've an invoice here for 70,000 euro.
Must be a mistake.
Liam? Liam!
- What's got into him at all?
- I don't know.
You want to have dinner tonight?
Only if you promise not to cry.
I promise.
We would designate that
as identity theft.
It's a crime that's reaching
epidemic proportions.
Did he use your credit card
to buy the suit?
No. I have an account
at the tailor's.
So why did they give it to him?
Because he looks like me.
I keep telling you!
He's an exact replica of me.
They thought he was me.
- And the car?
- Yeah, same thing.
And I suspect he's billed
my barber's.
- Why's that?
- He's copied my haircut.
And how was your dear mother?
Is that a loaded question?
You spent the night.
- Yeah.
- At the cottage.
Of course.
- What have I done now?
- I hardly know you any more.
You used to be so honest.
Now you lie through your teeth.
- What are you talking about?
- You weren't with your mother.
You were seen in Dublin
with Ursula in a restaurant
and you presumably
spent the night with her.
- It's him.
- Come on, Liam!
Not the phantom double again.
Surely you can do better than that.
- Hello?
- Hiya. It's Liam.
- Hello, Liam!
- I'm back home.
From where?
From visiting you.
Really?
When was that?
Mammy,
remember you read my poem.
Are you in the bathroom?
Doesn't sound like your voice.
Is that better?
No, Jane wasn't with me, no.
Mammy, I'll have to go.
Yeah. I'll call you tomorrow.
Sleep well.
We never talk.
You never touch me.
I feel like one of your acquisitions.
And now you're having an affair.
Have we reached the end of the line?
No.
I know how it looks, but
I have never looked at another woman.
I'll make it up to you.
I'll change, I promise.
Let's talk about it.
I suggest that you sleep
in your study tonight.
I'll find him. I'll prove it to you.
Over 'ere!
What do you want?
- What do you want from me?
- Come and find out, you bastard!
Come on!
Damn!
Stop!
Let's talk! Stop!
My phone.
What happened to your keys?
God knows.
God knows.
Are you alright, Dad?
Your voice sounds funny.
Sore throat?
Look.
What?
"Money is accumulated labour. "
Says who?
Karl Marx says. Think about that
next time you make a bunch of dosh.
It comes from lots of men
doing loads of work.
Want me to turn on the alarm?
Yeah. And bolt the door.
We don't want those workers
breaking in
looking for their accumulated labour,
do we?
OK, then, well, we'll meet
for a coffee after pilates.
Well, we'll talk about that later.
Cheers.
Alright, change and then get out.
Stop that!
Stop it! Let go!
Oh, Liam!
Oh, Liam!
What was that about?
What's got into you?
You don't come near me for months
and then this!
Don't go to sleep on me! You said
you wanted to talk, so let's talk.
How could you screw
that awful Ursula?
Let me guess. She's longed for you
since she was 12,
she didn't want to go to the grave
without doing it once
and you took pity on her.
Community service.
So?
What was it like?
Couldn't get it up.
You expect me to believe that?
No.
Ah, shit!
Ah, shit! Shit!
Bastard!
Fucking bolted!
- What was that?
- It's him.
Oh, God, don't start that again.
Right, this'll do.
Police? No, not a false alarm.
- It's me!
- Liam!
He's an impostor!
You bitch!
Liam!
It's him! It's him!
Liam!
I saw him! I saw him.
Did he say anything?
There really is a double.
Or something.
I'm sorry I doubted you.
I thought you were losing your mind.
Stay here.
You won't get away with it!
In your earlier statement,
you said he misappropriated the 4x4,
the one standing outside the house.
Can we assume that he arrived in it?
Wait. I thought it was out there
when Dad came home.
Maybe not.
And you say you've seen him
on more than one occasion.
Yeah.
And he looks enough like you
to convince people that he is you?
Obviously!
You definitely saw him at the window,
Mrs O'Leary?
Yes. Liam says he has a double
and I can certainly see the resemblance.
But I could never mistake him
for my husband.
He was filthy and he had these
mad eyes and he looked just awful.
And he called me a bitch.
Well, I think that's about enough
for now.
I have the details of your mother
and sister.
We'll warn them
and keep an eye on their houses.
And of course all your staff
need to be alerted.
Thanks.
Call if he tries it again.
Oona.
Oona will know who I am.
Please be in the ignition.
Yeah.
- Do come to bed.
- In a minute.
Got to report this.
Oh, God, Oona, no!
- That's him! That's the one!
- Stop!
Stop!
Ursula!
Ursula!
Ursula, I need you to prove who I am.
Oh, God, Liam, go away!
Yeah, sorry.
Ursula, I really need your help.
- Paul, he found out.
- About what?
About us. On your boat.
Ursula, that wasn't the real me.
I'm sorry.
What's going on here?
Get away from my house!
- Go on, you tripe-hound! Get away!
- Please, go on inside!
What are you coming back for?
What is your problem?
It wasn't me!
I don't ever wanna see him again!
Is Father Andy in?
He's in his bed, like all
god-fearing people at this hour,
in his own house.
- Can I come in?
- At this hour?
It's Liam O'Leary.
- I'm destitute.
- That's something!
For God's sake,
will you turn that fucking light off?
Liam O'Leary destitute. The bigger
they come, the harder they fall.
Get a mattress there for yourself.
As you can see, there's no beds.
And you can't fall lower than this.
This is the bottom of the barrel.
You! Put your fucking light off!
Felim?
Felim! It's me.
Liam.
Liam O'Leary.
Remember?
I dropped you a 20-spot yesterday.
No way.
Do you remember me?
Shall I bring the collection box
up to the house, Father?
Shall I, Father?
You mad fuck!
Now, now, there, there.
Look.
Take a pull out of this.
What is it?
All kinds of everything.
Blessed oblivion.
Steady, steady, steady.
Buttercups and daffodils
- And little things...
- Lights out!
That was careless.
Leaving your stolen vehicle outside
for all the world to see.
No, no, this is a mistake.
No, I'm not him, I'm me.
Felim, tell 'em.
Rot in hell, Father.
I'm arresting you on charges
of impersonation, fraud,
theft of a vehicle, breaking
and entering with intent to rob.
You have the right
to remain silent...
I had me doubts, alright.
There's no way
he could be Liam O'Leary.
To each according to his needs.
Dad.
Redistribution of wealth.
That time again.
Don't turn it into a political debate.
Give him his pocket money.
Am I being fined? For what?
Got to go.
Liam?
You forgot your coat.
Oh, God, I hope you're not getting
like your mother.
It is Jane, isn't it?
Yeah, it is.
Your phone list runs into two pages.
Planning officer wants to know
will you re-appeal the decision on
the stadium or go for a judicial review?
What shall I tell them?
I'll let you know. Sorry, sore throat.
I want a list of all employees
in accounts.
Bingo!
Here they are. Anything else?
There's something for your throat.
Send Declan in.
The police called. They found your car
in the Wicklow Hills.
I told the guards to tow it in.
What were you doing up there?
What have we got in hand?
What's the bottom line,
the cash situation?
Well, at least you're asking
instead of avoiding the issue.
We need a legal opinion.
We should send for Larry.
You should take something
for that throat.
The additional charges of resisting
arrest and assaulting a garda
make this a very serious case indeed.
Wake him up, escort.
Given your confused
and bizarre account,
I'm going to remand you in custody
pending a psychiatric report.
Do you understand?
The land for the stadium
has really stretched us.
We only have five in it.
The bank has 40.
No problem if we can win an appeal.
But as it stands, the bank
won't lend us another cent.
If I wasn't so nice, I'd be saying,
"I told you so. "
You did, Sally, you did. She did.
- Get on with it.
- Yeah.
We have a big loan
on the Ringsend office block.
And with only 35 percent occupancy,
we're not even covering the interest.
So how much do we have in hand,
cash?
If we had to scrape it together
from all sources,
how much would it come to?
Liam, all we have is overdrafts
and loans.
Unless you can sweet-talk the bank
into rescheduling our debt,
we can't pay the wages next month.
Cars. What about cars?
Cows?
Cars!
They're all leased! You know that.
More tax-efficient. Him.
Go for the appeal, Larry.
Well, before I commit to what
will be a time-consuming brief,
I owe it to my partners
to ensure our fees are secured.
And it seems that you...
Not a prostitute, no. More a courtesan.
Regular gentlemen.
A judge, a cabinet minister,
a property developer.
Specialised, you see.
Certain practices. Certain specialties.
Men at the top have particular needs,
do you see?
Very discreet always, like a priest.
My boudoir of the confessional.
But since they put me in here
to shut me up, I'm naming names.
Naming names.
Spank and tell, I call it.
Trouble is, no one believes a nutter.
What is a nutter?
Anyone who's in the nuthouse.
Arthur Dunne.
- Excuse me, Nurse.
- What do you want?
I'm just in here for assessment.
- So?
- Well, I've been waiting all day.
He won't see you now. He does
his private practice in the afternoons.
You know, rich neurotics.
- Nutcases in the mornings.
- Bertie Brennan.
- Rob Quigley.
- Did you say Bertie Brennan?
- Your man, the property developer?
- Bertie, yes.
Likes dressing up in babies' clothes,
sucks titty.
You don't have any photographs,
by any chance?
Of course I do. That's my pension.
I'm on my way to your office, Liam.
For your appointment with Dr Loden.
Don't argue. Do it for me.
I'll pick you up.
So that's what your wife thinks.
What do you think?
She's very clever.
She's probably right.
That your memory loss
is stress-related.
Must be.
What kind of stress are you under?
Well, this character who looks like me
is trying to take over my life.
- Made me wonder about things.
- What kind of things?
Well, if he did take over my life,
would anyone notice the difference?
I mean,
if you can be somebody else, does
that mean you're no longer yourself?
Do you change
into that somebody else?
Does that mean the person
you used to be is kind of,
well, dead?
Role playing is something we all do.
Well, we're all just actors, then,
and there's nothing at the centre?
It's me and nobody else?
If you are religious,
you'd call it your soul.
What's that?
A warm, fluffy little thing
tucked inside somewhere?
Do you take credit cards?
Yes. Not American Express.
That's a relief. I feel much better.
- You still have 30 minutes.
- Give me a discount, then.
Come on, beddy-byes. Everyone on
their feet. Come on, let's go. Let's go.
I don't belong here! Let me go!
There's someone out there
trying to take over my life!
You're a different person.
More like the person you used to be.
Was he a help, Dr Loden?
He said there's no me or you.
We make it up, who we are.
It's all pretence.
But when you make love like that,
you're totally alive
and completely yourself,
whoever you are.
Are we falling in love
all over again?
Feels like the first time.
Better than.
Identity theft is one thing.
Passports, credit cards, etc.
But did you really believe
that you could take over Mr O'Leary's
house and family, even his job?
No, no. That's what he's doing to me.
Look, he... I am Liam O'Leary.
He is not.
I can prove it.
And how would you do that?
Give me just ten minutes in a room
with him and my wife.
Well, I can't see Mr and Mrs O'Leary
agreeing to that.
When you were a child, did you have
fantasies about being someone else?
Yeah. I thought I was a fish.
Take patient X back to his zone
and maintain the medication at 10mg.
All I'm saying, Jim,
and this is not a threat,
all I'm saying is, if you drive us
to the wall, if we go under,
you go down with us.
I don't think so.
I'd advise you to listen to Bertie's
proposal. Drop your scheme
and hitch a ride with him.
It's the only way I can see
to rescheduling your loans.
OK, gotcha. We'll sort it out.
Can I get a couple of grand cash
on the way out, just to tide me over?
Jeez.
Gotcha!
Take it! Be happy.
Men used to come to me
to relieve their stress,
but these pills do a much better job.
- I don't belong here.
- I can see that.
You're all twisted and angry
like the sane people outside.
All better?
...duty as Assistant Governor,
in accordance with government policy,
in order to reduce expenditure,
all non-violent patients
will be released forthwith.
I'd like you to know that I,
and our professional body,
are fundamentally opposed
to this policy.
However, we've no choice
but to implement it.
Right, to those of you
who are not remaining with us,
best of luck to you.
Yes. Right.
T Ash.
E Aspall. H Haughey. U Balan.
M Balding. N Bales.
Excuse me, Nurse. When do I see
the psychiatrist again?
- I'm just here for assessment.
- Are you patient X?
No, my name is O'Leary.
Don't shit me. You are X.
X is on the list.
X is outta here.
You're an ex-patient, like it or not.
G Ballard. T Byrne.
M Barton. N Beatty.
- There's no peace out here.
- No, there isn't.
- That must be worth a bit.
- Can't really say.
I'll send you a written offer.
Look, how much for the lot?
Ballpark figure.
That's something I'd have to discuss
with my partners.
How about a cash deposit?
I really can't do that.
Perhaps you'd prefer to do business
with somebody else.
- You selling up, Dad?
- Yeah. We're down-sizing.
Does Mum know?
She's more of an up-sizer.
These should fetch a bit.
I took up golf because you said you'd
play with me. But you never did.
Like sailing the boat. You promised
you'd teach me to sail, but no.
No time!
The boat.
I'd forgotten about the boat.
You're supposed to be my father!
- That's it, I've had it!
- Connor?
Connor, what is it?
I'll be right down, OK?
- Hello, darling. Are you going out?
- Meeting at the office.
Don't be late.
Can I borrow your car?
Jane?
What could you ever see
in someone like me?
Well, I love you.
Nothing else matters.
I know who you are.
Or who you're not.
You don't have to pretend any more.
No.
Perhaps it's better that you do.
Goodbye, Jane.
- Where are you going?
- What do you care?
I do care. Connor, listen. I do care!
I haven't been around very much.
I'll make it up to you.
How much will you get
for my golf clubs?
Anyway, I'm leaving home.
I'm opting out of the system.
- Leave me alone!
- Wait, wait.
I don't want your money. It's tainted.
- Have you told your mother?
- I left her a note.
Remember Father Andy at the centre?
If you get into trouble, he'll help.
I'm not a Catholic any more.
You know nothing about me.
How much?
20 euros?
That's very little.
Can you not do better?
Best we could do now is 25.
Hi, Connor.
- What's up?
- I've left home.
Cool!
I thought maybe I could stay.
That's not a football club.
That's an exploitation machine.
Can't you see that you're a victim
of cynical capitalism?
That shirt's like a sign saying,
"I'm a total idiot. "
"I give greedy people my money with
a smile. " Or a grin in your case.
Don't! Don't! He's just weird.
And a communist.
An actual, like, member of the party.
Can you believe that?
Liam! You're back again.
Not Liam. The other one.
The prodigal son returns.
Where's the fatted calf?
I need money.
You can have whatever I have.
You have a right to that.
Is that all you want, money?
Is that what you came looking for?
Liam says you're trying to hurt him.
Is that true?
Why did you keep him
and give me away?
See, he was sickly. You were strong.
I was 15. I couldn't keep you both.
I couldn't even keep him.
I had to give him to my mother.
There hasn't been one day of my life
where I haven't...
...wondered and worried about you.
And I don't even know your name.
My name is none of your business.
Was she...
Was she good to you,
the woman who?
- My mother?
- No, I'm your mother.
No, you're not. She was.
- Was?
- She's dead!
Don't you! You're a grown man!
Haven't you got a life?
Big hulking fella like you?
Have you got nothing better to do
than come here
upsetting other people's lives?
Hurting them
and wanting what they have?
You ought to be ashamed of yourself!
You've had hard times.
Will you not tell me about yourself?
- Are you married?
- Divorced.
No kids.
She got the house.
I took to drink. Lost me job.
Living on the street.
End of story.
How did you find us?
If you had taken me instead of him,
I'd have what he has.
Well, I didn't, did I?
I'll make you a cup of tea, then
we'll go to the bank for the money.
- That's Bertie Brennan?
- Good Jesus!
Sally, I want two copies.
One to bring Bertie to heel,
the other for Jim Brady at the bank.
The woman's number is on the back.
Take care of her.
Find her a place to stay.
- It would be my pleasure. Yes!
- Declan.
Tell Bertie he'll get his photo once he
drops his objection to our stadium.
Tell Jim... How much
do we want to cover the wages?
- 50.
- Be in our account by tonight.
Submit the planning appeal.
We won't have much trouble now.
- Right. Liam...
- Liam, your sister Oona on line two.
Hiya, Oona. Yeah?
Right, don't panic. Are you OK?
I'll be right there.
Liam, you're not going already?
Liam, I've been meaning to ask you.
I know you don't...
I know you don't employ couples,
but how would you feel about Sally
and I getting married?
- But you are married, Declan!
- Divorcing, Liam, divorcing.
- How does Sally feel about it?
- She's not that keen.
That solves that one, then.
I don't even know
how you take your tea.
Drink up and then
we'll go to the bank.
I don't want your money.
What are you going to do?
Disappear.
Don't go. Please.
Your brother...
What was he doing here? Get in!
What am I doing here?
You!
Get up!
Bastard!
It's OK.
You win.
You can have your life back.
Oh, no!
You took it. You keep it.
And all that goes with it.
Why?
- Because she loves you, not me.
- She can't tell the difference.
Yes, she can. She knows who you are.
You're doing this for her, aren't you?
And you love her, don't you?
I'll arm-wrestle you for her.
No. I'll wrestle you for the beer,
though.
Damn it! All I wanted was to punish you,
grab some of the cash,
and get out.
Punish me? Why?
For being you instead of me.
Now you are me.
All those debts.
I fixed all that.
A bum like me can't run a business
like that.
You don't have to. Sally runs it.
Every office in this town has an
underpaid Sally holding it together.
We should let her in on it.
Give her a pay rise.
What about you?
Send me a few bob now and again.
When you have it.
Two more pints.
Hello?
It's for one of you.
Gonna miss you. Hello?
OK, alright, OK, I'm coming!
Liam!
Liam?
- Did you call an ambulance?
- 20 minutes ago.
Whatever he's taken,
he's taken a lot of it.
Connor! Connor! Connor!
How long has he been like this?
Don't know. We found him outside.
What do you want to do?
- We'll take him in my car.
- Eddie, get the door.
Connor! Come on.
Come on, come on, please, come on!
Jesus!
It's completely blocked.
- We'd better carry him.
- What?
We'll carry him.
There it is!
Is that Connor O'Leary?
- Yeah!
- How's he doing?
- I don't know.
- You're better off on foot.
We're gridlocked. I'll radio in
to the hospital. Get him down fast.
- He won't do anything!
- Go on, go on.
- Do nothing!
- Just go on, as quick as we can!
We have to see a doctor now!
Take a seat over there.
Take a seat.
- There is no seat!
- Lads! Lads!
- I'll get him to see you right away.
- Thanks very much.
- They know me here. Alright?
- Yes.
Thank you. Thanks very much.
Connor! Connor. Connor.
Connor, come back!
Come on, hang on now.
You can't chuck it in.
OK, life sucks, but you believe
in stuff. You can make it better.
You can't let your
anti-globalisation pals down.
Without warriors like you,
they'll genetically modify everything
behind our backs.
And I love you.
Samantha...
That's it. That's it, Connor.
That's it. Keep talking.
Coming through, please!
Connor.
Connor!
He will be alright, won't he?
I hope so.
- Hello, Jane.
- Andy, what?
Every time he starts to come round,
the more the barbiturates metabolise
in the liver,
and it puts him under again.
He'll be in and out of consciousness
for 24 hours or so, but he'll be OK.
- Thank God.
- He's going to be fine, they say.
- You'll all have to leave now.
- They're going to find him a bed.
- OK. Nurse, will you call if?
- We'll let you know of any change.
I've left my mobile number with them.
OK.
We've made a mess of it.
Yeah.
I should have...
No. You were there.
You're his father, Liam.
It's epidemic amongst the young men
of this country.
They're like our suicide bombers.
They're protesting against
what we've become as a society.
And it seems that every success
needs a victim to go with it.
Well, you know, Andy,
Connor would go for that.
Cheers.
Mind you, it might have been the girl.
There was a girl?
Ah, well...
Look, there's Tommy.
Tommy? Tommy, you're sleepwalking.
Turn around.
Turn around.
Good lad. That's it.
Back the way you came.
And he's tried it twice.
So what are you going to do
now you're out of the loop?
Now you're one of us,
one of the have-nots?
Where am I?
"Who am I?" is a better question.
- I was trying to be dead.
- I know.
Where are we going?
I thought maybe Cuba first stop,
so you can see Marxism in action.
Cuba?
Or we could take a trip around the bay.
Back to school tomorrow, if you want.
Here.
Get that jib sheet there,
Connor, will you?
Come on, get a move on!
You're not going to start
shouting at me now, are you?
Nah. I'm a changed man.