The Tombs (2019) Movie Script
[somber music playing]
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the London Tombs.
The night has finally arrived
after months of waiting
and you won't believe what
we have in store for you,
but more importantly,
those unlucky few, who will be
walking through those doors.
Before our guests arrive,
let's take a quick look
at some of the horrors
that lie within the London
Tomb's scare attraction.
[music box tune]
[screams and laughs]
Oooh. Scary stuff, eh.
This horror location will soon
be seen again on the big screens
for the return of the up
and coming sequel to the
original Tomb 's movie.
As you know tonight, our lead
actors along with some of
their brave celebrity guests,
will soon descend
into the hidden catacombs
beneath our feet
for an unimaginable
night of horror.
Our ghouls are ready,
the ghosts are ready
and more terrifyingly,
our celebrities are ready.
So, there is only one question
left to ask, are you ready?
Because you better be.
Well how did that happen?
And he's not coming out?
[metallic object dropping]
Be careful with that, it costs
more than your house! Who am I
kidding? You don't own a house.
Listen, I'm going to say only
once: solutions, not problems.
Go on.
Better not be a problem.
I'm not reading that.
-May I ask why not?
-Because it's awful,
absolutely no understanding
of my character's
motivation whatsoever.
You're a TV presenter,
Harriet, and your
motivation is in the bank.
Oh! I take personal
oence to that and I
refuse to acknowledge it.
Well you sort of just did.
I am a personality.
I am a star.
And I would like to think
after writing for me
for over three seasons
that those typewriter
monkeys would understand
my character.
This is a bit dierent
than filming a two-minute intro
to a midnight movie, darling.
I don't see how, darling.
This is a synergized
multimedia event.
The movie gets publicity,
this place gets publicity,
the channel gets a scary
new reality TV show,
and you, you get a
primetime audience for once.
Think about it, a weekly
syndicated survival horror
show, with you as the star.
Like, Bear Grylls
without eating the wildlife.
-Aim for the stars!
-And that's why my
character has to be right.
Luckily for you,
I understand my characters'
motivation perfectly.
No improv, Harriet.
[grunts]
You're looking beautiful.
Thank you. Champagne.
[cheering]
We're still here outside
the London Tombs.
And some of the great
fans are hoping to get
what might be the last chance
to see their celebrity favs.
Let's have a word.
Hi, what are you most hoping
to see our stars face tonight?
Bill Piper, Bill Piper!
You're excited, aren't you?
-Yeah, Piper, Piper...
-Piper.
Yeah, okay.
As our countdown nears its end
let's take the chance to
look at who's already
ventured inside to their fate.
Daytime soap awards
star nominee and star
of The Tombs two, it's Gigi!
You better know him from
his boy band crooning days and
star of the North Star, it's PJ!
Our celebrity sidekick,
Tanya Merryman.
Television and acting school
and main state of reality
television, it's Lyle Rourke.
[audience] Lyle, Lyle!
And last, but definitely not
least, your celebrity journalist
and news reporter and
blogger, Doug Smart.
Doug, Doug, Doug...
[Dom] This place
is a fucking maze.
[man] Yeah, they do it
on purpose mate, it's
to disorientate people.
Builds the fear apparently.
It's the whole point of it.
I don't understand why anyone
would let, out of work actors,
chase around the dark for fun.
I mean, there's something
wrong with people.
People like to be scared.
It's a thrill.
You're a mug.
[Dom] Anyway, I didn't
come here to be scared.
I came here to do a job.
[man] Dom?
[voice] Don't be scared,
don't be scared.
To be fair your job is bad, but
not as bad as these fucking two.
-It's not even Halloween yet!
-[guy] All right, all right.
Dickheads.
I don't know.
I think they're
kind of cute really.
[chuckles]
Give us a sip.
-Ah, I've got
lipstick on it now.
-Give it back here.
You see?
I told you.
There's something
wrong with people.
[chuckles] I take it you
don't watch horror films.
What happened to good
old-fashioned movies
for the whole family?
Listen mate, you know what
you're missing, all right?
The London Tombs, the
first one absolute classic.
Stone cold classic.
A bunch of tourists, they
get trapped in this place
overnight, and then-
then they get hunted
down by a deranged killer.
Picked o, one by one.
Total, old-school slasher!
Yeah, that sounds great.
Oh, I suppose this is your lad.
The one that does all
the picking and slashing
and god knows what?
Slashing, slashing,
god knows what.
No, I-- I actually don't
recognize that one.
Must be new for the sequel.
Let's just wrap it up here, eh?
There is a pint somewhere
with my name on it.
You head.
[clears her throat]
That had better
be a glitch, Gary.
Oh, come on, Olivia, what do
you want from me? I'm dealing
with all the technical problems,
what in an underground
scare attraction.
It's hardly wired
for audio visual.
So, no problem then.
No problem, just peachy.
[sighing]
-Uh-oh! Star wrangling?
-Character issues.
Problems with the
script apparently.
She's going to improv
it. I just know it.
What, the writing team
couldn't get the right
mixture of tits and clichs?
We've created a monster.
She's more of a-- a minor demon.
I was hoping for
fashionably late.
Well, time to start
clearing out the stragglers.
Well, break a leg.
Fix the cameras.
Yes, ma'am.
[sighing]
-Dom.
-[radio interference]
It's not even started yet and
I'm already getting shivers.
As we're close to kick o
that can only mean one thing.
It's time to introduce
our final guest.
You best know her
as the star of the
original Tomb 's movie,
ready to head back
underground one last time.
It's Piper!
Let's take a look back
at her time in the
original Tombs ' movie.
[engine starting noises]
[engine starting]
Come here. Come here.
-How are you feeling?
-Yeah, yeah.
I'm good thanks.
I'm, you know, really excited
to be here with, with all
the greatest fans!
Um, your fans.
I guess so.
-Nervous?
-Do you know, what I've got
to be honest, I am a little bit.
[Gary] Dom, pick up.
[Dom] Fuck.
[Dom sighing]
I am definitely getting workers
comp over that you, dopey prick.
My scream queen lungs
are ready to go.
-Okay, good. Get yourself
in and good luck.
-Thank you.
Bye! Bye!
Our fan favorite is in.
Let's hope she can
survive the night.
Okay, don't hold back all
right. This is going on TV.
I need to make an impact.
-Don't worry, you're
going to look great.
-Right.
-Just don't get it
in my eyes, okay?
-All right, all right.
What are you two still
doing here? I called places
fifteen minutes ago.
Get moving.
Finally, a real star.
Well, another one.
-Me?
-Modest too, such a rare
quality in horror royalty.
Well, I wouldn't say that.
I was so worried you
would flake and leave
me here with the B-list.
You know, I've done all the
reality shows back home.
Now days, seems like a
natural career progression.
-Is this your first?
-Yes. It is.
I thought so.
You seem a little stressed out.
-Oh, it's not that.
It's just uh...
-It is a little creepy.
-But this is going to be
fun, don't you think?
-I guess so.
Hell, I was surprised
they talked you
into doing this at all.
-Contractual obligation.
-[laughing]
Funny too, what a delight.
You know, once we're done
here, we really have
to sit down and talk.
I am working on a bunch of
projects that you would love.
Sorry, you're needed.
-Hi!
-Hey, there. I'm-- I'm PJ.
I know who you are.
What gave me away?
I'd have preferred a table
read if I'm being honest.
Me too.
And there we have it, everyone's
in and the doors are locked.
The night is getting dark
and the creeps are
coming out to play.
Stay with us as we venture
down into the Tombs.
But remember, get
comfortable, stay safe and
hold your loved ones tight
because it's not only
things down in the Tombs
that go bump in the night.
[man] And we're out!
Look, I'm not being funny
but how many more
links have I got to do?
So, you know, what-- what's
it like, uh, being back I mean?
Um, it's a little bit strange
if I'm being honest.
It's not really somewhere
I thought I'd be.
Oh, come on.
The only last surviving
character from a hit movie.
-Seems like a no brainer to me.
-Ha, ha!
Look what the cat
dragged back in.
-How's the scars?
-Fine, how's the jaw?
Lucrative.
I'm sorry I-- I
missed something.
Must be jet-lagged.
This sorry excuse, arsehole
of a journalist made
quite a name for himself,
-exploiting my personal life.
-And I made a mint.
So, I broke his jaw.
-Is that true?
-Oh yeah, he's an arsehole!
You know what, Piper? I'm
so glad that they didn't kick
the life out of you completely.
Oh no, it's there.
I reserve it for tabloid hacks.
-Anyway, I thought
print was dead.
-Bit like your career, honey.
Why don't you move
on away then, buddy?
I'll be seeing you.
Don't worry about him.
Why don't we go
and get a drink later
after this, you know?
Whose got time
for camera queens?
Oh!
The three stars
finally together.
Ah, this is so exciting!
Okay.
Piper! I am so thrilled
to be working with
a "legend" like you.
Well, it's nice to meet you too.
[voice] Don't be scared.
-Dom?
- [voice] Don't be scared.
Dom?
Dom?
Dom?
Hello.
Dom?
Help me.
Dom!
Dom!
Help me.
[voice] Don't be scared.
[screaming]
Ladies and gentlemen,
gather around, please.
That's right, come on.
Thank you everybody
for joining us here tonight,
we appreciate your time.
We'll be kicking o shortly.
Excuse me!
Focus here for a second.
Thank you.
So, I just wanted to run
you through basics.
I would hope your reps have
been through this already,
but I never assume
when it comes to agents.
Each of you have a wristband.
Red is principle cast
and blue is special guests.
At a point during the
proceedings you will be split
up and pit against each other
in a basic challenge.
During which the scare
professionals of the production
will pop up at random intervals
and boom, give you a scare.
Understood?
Rhetorical question, put
your hand down please.
Thank you, everybody.
That went really well.
What are you still
doing here? Fuck off!
Anyway, you go easy on
them tonight, eh, Nicky boy?
I'm sure I don't know
what you mean.
Look, I'll catch up with you
later for another cheeky swig.
See you later.
That's new.
When you are ready, boys
and girls, it's time to get
this ghost train on the rails.
Harriet, on your mark, please.
[beeping]
Dom, Wayne if you're still
down there it's time to get your
shit together and head on out.
[man] Scare team
ready to go live.
And we're back
in five, four, three.
[cheering]
Welcome back to our long
night of the horrors, live here
from The London Tombs.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're ready to begin.
-Are you okay?
-Just nerves.
You don't strike me
as a nervous person.
Don't worry, I'll--
I'll keep you safe.
-Is that so?
-Oh yeah, I'm not
afraid of anything.
Excuse me!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys
and girls, our spooky six.
Wait, wait, wait, um.
I didn't think you we're
afraid of anything.
I was just waiting for you.
What's the worst
that can happen?
-What?
-Nothing, something
my agent said.
Oh god.
Eh?
Ah!
-What's your point?
-Piper, my dear.
The London Tombs.
It's the scene of
your greatest triumph.
Your, your brightest day.
-Your...
-I'm not going.
Why not? You've already
signed up for the sequel.
This is early publicity.
I'm not ready for
this kind of event.
It's a closed set, there
is nothing to worry about.
Seb, you're meant
to be on my side.
What if that crazy
fan comes back?
Darling, I understand.
Really, I do.
But that was a long time ago,
and the sooner you're working,
the easier it's going to get.
-Do you think I'm not trying?
-No sweetie, I think
you're very trying.
Just kidding.
Please, stop pushing
me to places that
I'm not ready to go to.
Unfortunately, uh, it's not
me doing the pushing, dear.
Contractual obligations.
Forcing people into
compromising situations
since the 1920's.
-So they can sue me?
-They can fire you.
Think about it.
Your future, your independence,
your bank balance.
You mean yours.
A man can't live on
good intentions alone.
You've never had a
good intention in your life.
If the sequel does
as well as the first, it's
seriously good money.
I suppose I better get
my walking boots on then.
That's my girl.
At least I will have
you with me.
Oh! I have this ghastly event
with another client across town.
She's actually calling,
uh, a pretty young girl, uh,
-dumb as
a skunk, you know. No.
-Are you being serious?
Press love her, I mean.
At the moment at least.
Un-bloody-believable.
Seriously, you're
going to love it.
You're going to--
Thank you, love you.
That's right, you are
about to be a star.
Yeah.
Oh, I-- we're going
to have a blast.
-Oh hi, I'm-- I'm PJ.
-Hi! I'm Tanya.
Oh! I've heard
you're a physic.
Wow! Talking to
people's dead relatives.
Do you know how much
of people's life savings
they spend on that horseshit?
I've never charged
a penny to anyone.
Why don't you read my palm?
I don't read palms.
How convenient.
-Everyone in their place?
-Yep.
Uh, why can't I see
any of the scare guys?
That's because
they're all hidden.
That's the point.
Sticking to the shadows.
Whoa!
Come on people,
let a pro lead the way.
[door closing]
[light metallic noises]
I don't think so, pervert.
I bid you welcome.
Oh my god.
That's not funny.
The year was 1665.
Carried on the back of vermin,
fleas spread the devastating
plague through
crowded city streets.
Struck down by this
aiction in numbers vast
enough to defy belief
were dragged from
their homes and dumped
into mass graves.
[screaming and baby
crying in background]
Over three hundred years
later, while excavating the
very place of London Bridge,
-the builders happened
upon a gruesome discovery.
-[background man screaming]
Hundreds of human skeletons
twisting out of the earth,
as if trying to make good their
escape from their earthly tomb.
Some refused to go to work,
fearing sickness, while others
were afraid of the
less physical threat.
From the damned that
they shook loose from
their god forsaken bonds.
When we were finally ready
to open on the tombs to
the public, we had a priest,
concentrate the grounds
to, you know, contain
the restless spirits.
Although and I don't
mean to alarm you, I
was oered no guarantee,
no definite confirmation
that some small...
Oh look, she's using the script.
...festering for
a century still...
The only fucker that
festers here, love, are
the sub-par electronics.
Two teams will enter the pit of
despair with one simple goal.
Concealed into the tomb
below is a skull, one of many.
Now, this skull however, does
not belong to a simple victim.
Rather a man of great evil.
A necromancer who cast
his curse on this place.
The place of his interment
promising to return
and wreck his revenge.
Robert White.
-Who?
-Ah!
That will be revealed
in good time.
But for now,
I shall tell you this.
I wish you to find it for me.
It's getting like a game show.
-Yay!
-To the victors, freedom.
To the losers, well,
that would be telling.
A Virgil to your Dante
on your decent to hell.
Now, hurry along.
Time is of the essence and
your fate hangs in the balance.
[background eerie laughter]
[distant chatter]
Fire hazard.
That's going to end up
somewhere very unpleasant if
you don't get it out of my face.
[Doug] Ooh! Is that a promise?
That's better.
So, doesn't London Bridge
like go up in the middle
or something?
That's Tower Bridge, hon.
Oh my god, just like the song.
[alarm going off]
[chain noises]
[eerie whispering]
[chain and metallic noises]
[distorted child voice] Daddy,
what you doing to mummy?
Every motherfucking time.
-As our celebrities...
-[cameraman] We're out!
-What?
-Yeah, we're out.
-What the fuck?
-They're saying all
the cameras are out.
-What all of them?
-That's what I'm getting.
They're re-running
the video packages.
Great, so much for
live TV experience.
I'm trying to get
something out of the
control room, just sit tight.
These are real bones.
You know you'd get
more screen time if you
kept up with the crowd.
Besides, I don't want
to get left behind.
God only knows what
these weirdos do when
the cameras are o.
Oh, my god!
They don't know
what they've done.
This is a huge mistake.
[Lyle] Are you okay?
No, I'm fine.
Then let's go.
I didn't pay for the Hilton
to not be sleeping there.
She ain't a physic, you know.
Her crew feeds her
information through an
earpiece, she does all this...
It's all a total put on.
And Gigi, I can tell you
a thing or two about Gigi.
Well, let's just say
she didn't get to where
she is purely on talent.
And just don't get in the way
and her and the spotlight,
if you know what I mean.
Total Tanya Harding type.
Anything?
[cameraman] Total radio silence.
Well, I hope the fans
are enjoying their
extended their ad break.
[Lyle whispering] So, I've
done many reality shows.
This is your first one, so if
I can help you in anyway?
-Having fun?
-You know, I think
you're so brave.
For coming back I mean.
-Oh, whatever you've read I...
-I was talking about the movie.
-Oh!
-I think it's so brave of you
to try to re-launch your career,
in a movie where they're
killing you o so early.
Oh, you didn't know.
I am so sorry.
I guess I just have a better
relationship with the
producers than you.
They're making me the
new face of the franchise.
They're calling it
"The new generation."
Have you even read the script?
Okay.
[baby crying]
[distorted music box playing]
[distorted voice] Tanya.
[baby crying]
Pathetic.
Current mood, unimpressed.
-Remind me why we
invited him again?
-Synergy.
You see you keep saying
that, but I'm not sure
you know what it means.
I'm already really famous in
LA. I have like over a million
followers on social media.
And I really love my fans,
you know, they're so sweet.
They're always...
Oh Lyle, I just wanted
to ask you, um...
You're not scared
already, are you?
Something really weird
is happening here.
I can feel it.
Listen, I'm a believer.
You can always talk
to me if you need to.
Thank you.
[laughing]
Are you ready?
Mm-hmm.
Good.
Cos we only have
one shot at this
and there is already
some other idiot walking
around back there.
-Do you want me to go
and have a word or...
-No.
I want you to stay on your mark.
I will find him later.
[distorted music]
[whistling]
You okay?
Just uh, bad energy here.
Oh, quit it with your
physic play acting, love.
Ooh, shit, fuck!
Pricks.
[honking]
[honking]
They're definitely life-like,
I'll give them that.
Ooh, it looks like this is
where we are going
our separate ways then.
Sorry, if I upstage
you, but-- you know.
Yeah, the new generation.
Yeah, can we quit the
chitchat and keep moving?
No, please wait.
Hey, don't worry, Tanya.
Nothing bad is going to
happen. It's just a show.
Exactly, she's already
playing the part.
No, listen to me.
I know there is something
really wrong here.
You're telling me sweetheart.
-Like what?
-I don't know yet, but...
Something, something is moving.
Well, it's not us.
Listen, I know you're scared,
but nothing's going to happen.
It's just a game.
Please, there's something
really wrong here.
You must be careful.
Okay, let's go.
You're confident,
you're scary, you're fear.
You're confident,
you're scary, you're fear.
[metallic noise]
Hello?
Hello?
Haven't you got anything
better to do than play
with yourself in the dark?
So not funny.
Ah, you dick! Get out of here
man, my bit's coming up.
-Oh my god.
-[metallic sound]
Who the hell is that? No one
should be down here yet.
No.
Not busting up the place either.
Oi, whose pissing about?
[thump]
This isn't funny, guys.
[girl] Nick?
[cameraman] We're done.
What? Really?
Yeah, they got the CCTV
back, but they can't get
the outside feedback live.
-Oh! What are they going to do?
-Do you really care?
Nah. Good point.
Oi, someone get me a car.
I've got places to be with
alcohol and some people.
[Gary] Watch this.
Well, you know what,
we've got the reaction.
That's all that counts.
Are you serious?
We didn't see anything.
Hashtag, no filter. Ha, ha.
[gasps]
Help...
me.
Oh!
If it's going to keep happening,
we need to get it fixed now.
Well, if you can get the boys
on the radio, be my guest.
They're not coming
back to me, are they?
Well, you go then.
-Excuse me?
-Go and fix it.
I'm a little bit busy.
Fine! I'll go.
You'll need this.
And don't forget to
use the pointy end.
Prick.
Looks like my ex-girlfriend.
[chuckles]
-Where's-- where's Piper?
Woah! Woah!
-Run!
Look, I'm supposed
to be the jittery one.
-What's going on?
-This thing he's huge!
He's just killed someone.
Oh, you can't be serious.
This is a weak attempt
to upstage me.
Go and have a look and
see if there's anything there.
See? Nothing.
It's just a part of the show.
They're just trying
to play on your nerves.
-It's okay.
-Yeah, well it worked.
Okay.
Let's go.
Let's get this over
and done with.
[Doug] Come on then, Mystic Meg.
What are you feeling now?
Same as before.
Something very powerful here.
The necromancer, the one
that Harriet mentioned upstairs.
I think it's more
than just a story.
I think it's real.
Gather around for
I have a tale to tell.
And you're right.
He was very real.
I'm not acting.
I...
As the plague spread
through the slums of the city,
no one was safe from the
insidious spread of death.
Fearing for their safety, they
turned away from the doctors
that had done little to stop
the flow of chaos.
And looked for a
more arcane remedy.
A wealthy group of citizens
trying to safe their own skin
turned to a man
named Robert White.
Tanya, how did you
know his name?
Specializing
in the dark arts, most
notably communication
with the spirit realm,
White promised these people,
that he could call on this side
to save them and their families.
Although this came at a
price, Robert White was a
deceitful and wicked man.
And before long his
benefactors came to see
their wives and children,
grow sick and die
from the very illness he
promised to keep at bay.
What happened next?
[clock chiming]
Oh, is that the time? You'd
better get on your way.
No please I'm not
playing, I need to know!
Well, what do you know!
Someone who claims
they can speak to the dead
is actually talking shit.
No please, I think
we are in danger here.
[distorted voice] Robert White.
White.
Dial it back a bit, will you?
Jesus.
Stupid fucking physic,
doesn't she know who I am?
Stepping all over my lines,
I'm going to call her agent.
I'm going to get
her fucking fired.
Let's see what
she thinks about that.
You, you're in the wrong
place, you're supposed
to be over there.
Can't you do anything
right? You have one job
and it's fucking easy.
How come none of you
know what the fuck to do?
You're a moving mannequin.
All you have to do
is be here when the
action's supposed to start.
It's not fucking dicult.
Why aren't you listening to me?
Don't you know who I am?
What don't you
fucking understand?
Get your ass over there.
[Greg] Oh what?
[distant bell chiming]
Hey.
We'll be done soon.
Get ourselves a sti drink,
somewhere with lots of lights.
-What do you say?
-Yeah, sure.
I mean, it just looked so real.
Well, what kind of real?
Oh my god! What happened?
Take it the news didn't, uh,
quit travel across the pond.
I had a run in with a fan
and he figured himself
to be my boyfriend.
And when I didn't feel the same
way he got a little aggressive.
Shit, I'm sorry.
Don't be, I've spent enough
time feeling sorry for
myself and hiding away.
This is my big return.
Seems like a bit
of an odd choice.
Yeah, I'm starting
to think that myself.
Although, not as odd as
a claustrophobic entering
an underground tomb.
You're what?
Sounds like the start
of a bad joke, huh?
-I thought you said
nothing scared you?
-Well not nothing.
Why would they leave
a script lying around?
Perhaps they missed their cue.
Or it's a clue.
Oh no wait, nope, never
mind it's not for us.
-So, what do we do?
-Stay here, I guess.
Fuck that!
We should get going.
Don't want the other team
to find the skull before us.
-Seriously.
-Winners get top billing.
Okay.
What, what's so scary
about this place?
[Lyle] Maybe it's just me.
Yeah, not exactly
the most exciting footage
I've ever filmed.
Quiet.
I'm getting something.
Oh, come on give it up.
You have to listen to me.
No, I don't.
There's something
supernatural at work here.
The only thing that's at work
here is your ridiculous
overactive imagination.
Something evil.
From a misguided childhood.
I know what I'm talking about!
-You're not going to buy
into this shit, are you?
-Well, I don't know.
She did know who
that Robert guy was.
-How do you explain that?
-Mm-mmm, she read the script.
Well, yeah.
I guess, that could be.
Do you know what?
You two wait here.
I'm o to find the others.
What the fuck!
-Oh! Oh my god!
What happened to you?
-You need to help.
Right, we need
to get out of here.
Yeah, okay, fella. Good stu.
He's going to come, he--
he will come for us all.
Who? Who is coming?
Oh, knock it o love, if you'll
excuse me, I'm leaving.
I wouldn't if I were you.
Yeah well, you're not me.
See you later.
Don't leave us!
So, this is a hallway
of nightmares.
[baby crying]
Definitely, fucking
nightmares. Okay.
Claustrophobia and dolls.
I said almost nothing.
[PJ] Almost nothing.
Oh, shit.
Oh, this isn't right.
Where the fuck am I?
-Ladies first.
-Oh, man up.
You all right?
Still can't believe you
signed up for this?
-A job's a job, right?
-Mm-hmm.
-You don't think they'd, let
me go around, do you?
-I wouldn't count on it.
Oh, for f...
What the...
What the f...
-I found it!
-Fuck!
See, I found it!
Ooh, interesting.
[Piper] What does it say?
"A warning to any
intrepid explorer who
finds this accursed skull."
Ooh.
"A curse will fall on those
that seek to remove it from
this, it's final resting place.
Robert White will rise from
hell to seek his revenge.
Go back.
Go back from whence you came."
[chuckles]
Terrifying.
It's plastic.
Heads up!
-So, does that mean
we can go now?
-Sure hope so.
What the hell? I didn't
authorize that costume.
It is fucking, fucking real!
What the fuck you staring at?
Let's get the fuck out of here.
What happened,
what did you see?
Fuck knows, but I'm not
hanging around to see it again.
-Oh!
-Stupid bitch.
-Are you all right?
-We've got to go, he's coming.
-Who's coming?
-Him. He's huge.
-What the hell is going on?
-Uh, there's a stairwell.
Look, I've got
the skull, I've won.
Just shut up, Gigi!
-Will someone please tell me
what the fuck is going on?
-Oh!
Well, that was a bit much.
Gigi, come on.
Fuck!
[Tanya] Help!
Forget it. It's no good.
-Help!
-Forget it. It's no good.
Well what do you suggest?
I suggest we head back,
walk into the entrance,
straight into the lobby.
You want to listen
to this asshole?
You're going to be
walking straight into him.
Excuse me.
But if this so-called gift of
yours has given you any
information whatsoever,
then I suggest you might
want to share it with us.
He's out there and
he is waiting for us.
She's right.
There is a fucking
maniac on the loose
and you want to take advice
from an ex-mental patient?
What do you mean
ex-mental patient?
Ask her yourself,
a real fruitcake.
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, right.
If you look here, there's the
stairwell that's where she's
heading, that's our way out.
Look, this is obviously
just part of the show.
I mean, it's got to be a trick.
We've already found this.
Okay, if you look there, there's
the stairway that connects
there and that's how we get out.
Let's go.
But...
Holy shit!
-Anything?
-Nothing.
Right, we must have
gone the wrong way
because if you look here...
[Gigi] This is ridiculous.
[Piper] Excuse me?
This is ridiculous.
This is all just
part of the show,
and I'm not going to let you
use this as an excuse
to steal my limelight.
Unbelievable.
-Thank you.
-That is not a compliment.
Stop, stop it.
We need to work together.
You know what I need
to do right now is show
those people out there
what they really want to see.
-People are dying!
-Oh my god, you are
as dumb as you look.
You know what? If you two
want to go on, running on
home then go, but not...
No, no, no! You stay here!
Hell, with that! I'm going
to do what I do best.
I'm going to be a star.
Oh shit!
Mother fucker.
Run!
No.
I've got this. Get out.
[Doug] Shit. Oh, shit.
What the fuck am I doing?
Unbelievable.
Fucking brilliant.
Fuck!
[Piper] Move!
[PJ] Hey, buddy.
Yep, d-- don't mind me.
[Piper] It's locked.
Fuck.
-Have you got
any cell reception?
-[Doug] Nothing.
[Piper] I've got a
bar on my Wi-Fi.
[cell phone ringing]
Surely.
Oh, shit.
I think that's the Wi-Fi.
Fuck!
Thanks for that.
Where's Lyle?
He saved me.
Which one is it?
Oh, Christ!
This is from the seventies.
Jesus!
Robert White.
But that...
That was just a story.
But one based in truth.
Look, he cursed this place.
He made a promise to rise
from the dead and rised he has.
So, what? He's like a--
a zombie or something?
No, a spirit.
It's taken on a form
with no energy of its own.
Nothing to resist it.
This is horse shit.
He was weak at first.
But he is getting
stronger with every kill.
Closer and closer
to what he really wants.
-And what is it that
he really wants?
-A host.
Human flesh and blood
to carry his spirit.
And then?
Then we can leave this place.
-And God help us!
-[Piper] So, what
do we do now then?
Well, we stay here, right?
I thought you were
claustrophobic.
Lesser of two evils.
Yeah well, I-- I-- I for one
might be incapable of moving.
What are you-- uh,
what are you doing?
No.
Hold it closed.
Oh, fuck it.
I give up.
Fucking had enough of it.
-Well, now what?
-We wait here obviously.
Dumb arse.
-Run?
-[Doug] This is ridiculous.
-Are you fucking thick?
-You want to carry your own ass?
-Ignore me I-- I-- I-- I'm in
considerable amount of pain.
-Shut up, man.
No. He'll be back.
He knows we are here.
He won't give up
that easily, he needs us.
And where is he, if he
needs us so bloody badly?
Where is Gigi?
Is this what you want?
Is this what you're after?
Shit, we-- we have to help
her. We have to find her.
We can't fight him like that.
-Then how?
-Something is holding
him to this place.
Something that allows
his spirit to remain.
Oh, brilliant yeah.
We're back to this
nonsense again.
What is it?
A skull.
It's plastic.
Not that one.
The way we came in,
one of the skulls on the wall.
I believe if we destroy
this skull, we destroy
the connection.
Well fuck it, at least
it's the way out.
You're going to
have to guide us.
Oh, it's you.
Look. You may have all the
others fooled, but not me.
But don't worry.
I'm willing to play along.
Oh, my god mister.
Please don't kill me.
I'm too young to...
Hey!
Oh, not the axe.
Oh god, anything but the axe.
Oh my god.
[screams]
What's this?
Nah.
[Gigi screaming]
Sounds like they are
having fun down there.
Not for me.
Ooh, this is the one for me.
Ah, that's my baby.
Come to daddy.
You and me.
[distorted music box playing]
[baby crying]
You're a bad ass.
Yeah? I've been hurt before
and it ain't happening again.
Fair enough.
[PJ] Ah you're so heavy, ah.
[Doug] Ooh, what the fuck?
-Don't want to mess
up your pony tail.
-Shut the fuck up.
Quickly, he's getting closer.
Run.
Woah!
-Piper!
-[screaming]
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!
Fucking typical!
Come on.
Here. Here, here.
Down, down, down.
Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah!
-Where you going?
-Going back for the others.
No, no, no, no. Fuck them.
We don't know them,
so we don't owe them.
Let's move on!
Look, just stay here
and be quiet. I'll be back.
Woah, where you going?
Woah, woah, what you doing?
Woah, I've got money.
Don't leave me!
Fuck!
Fuck.
[noises]
[drill going on]
[drill turning off]
[screaming]
[general chatter]
[piano playing]
-[screaming]
-Oh my god.
-What happened to you?
-Long story.
-A--a--a-- and him, that thing?
Behind me somewhere.
- I don't know. I, uh.
What do you want to do?
We finish this.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, uh, come on.
But I was meant to be a star.
[Gigi screaming]
Oh my god.
Thanks for coming back
for me you, arsehole.
I could always just
leave you here, huh.
Listen, listen! We think
we've found a way out.
Well, why are we
standing around here
talking like schoolgirls?
-I didn't have to
come back for you.
-Argue later.
[distant scream]
Run.
Fuck you!
Piper!
You should've just
fucking left me there.
Fucking pricks!
All right?
Do we need to rest?
No, no. Like you said,
no more hiding.
No more hiding.
Now is not the time to panic.
Now is the time to finish it.
Let's go.
Give me a fucking break!
Please, please, please.
Of course it doesn't... Fuck!
Ah, for...
For fu...
What the fuck happened to you?
Who the fuck is this?!
What the hell's your
problem, Lurch?
Which one is it?
It's got to be that one.
-I'll go.
-No!
No!
Come and get me then!
PJ!
Robert White!
This tomb is yours!
PJ.
PJ.
You okay?
Alive at least.
Let's get you out of here.
Okay.
Come on.
Come here.
Come here.
[horse neighing]
Ah, god.
Ah, put me down.
Just here, just here
is fine. Put me down.
Well, I guess that's
the movie scuppered.
Still got the leading
lady though.
And the leading man.
Well,
I'm not going to make
it to the end credits.
No.
I'm done.
I um, guess you'll have to
have that drink on your own.
My final girl.
Woah, woah, woah,
woah! Help me.
Just wait, I've just got
to check this door!
I am still alive! As
unbelievable as it may seem.
-[Doug] Help me!
-Wait!
The others?
That is one hell of an article.
I need to get this door open,
because he's coming
and that won't hold him.
I think he's already here.
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!
Kill her, not me.
Please!
I'm too smart to die.
Fuck!
[distorted voice]
Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit!
Come on then, you bastard!
Oh, fuck.
[thunder bolting]
[Doug] Woah, Piper.
[chuckling]
You are a fucking legend.
I take it all back.
Ah, Jesus.
No hard feelings, eh.
I got here to talk, so...
What are you doing?
I apologized.
I said I was-- Don't be stupid.
I sai-- I sai--
I said I was sorry.
[eerie music]
[music ends]
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the London Tombs.
The night has finally arrived
after months of waiting
and you won't believe what
we have in store for you,
but more importantly,
those unlucky few, who will be
walking through those doors.
Before our guests arrive,
let's take a quick look
at some of the horrors
that lie within the London
Tomb's scare attraction.
[music box tune]
[screams and laughs]
Oooh. Scary stuff, eh.
This horror location will soon
be seen again on the big screens
for the return of the up
and coming sequel to the
original Tomb 's movie.
As you know tonight, our lead
actors along with some of
their brave celebrity guests,
will soon descend
into the hidden catacombs
beneath our feet
for an unimaginable
night of horror.
Our ghouls are ready,
the ghosts are ready
and more terrifyingly,
our celebrities are ready.
So, there is only one question
left to ask, are you ready?
Because you better be.
Well how did that happen?
And he's not coming out?
[metallic object dropping]
Be careful with that, it costs
more than your house! Who am I
kidding? You don't own a house.
Listen, I'm going to say only
once: solutions, not problems.
Go on.
Better not be a problem.
I'm not reading that.
-May I ask why not?
-Because it's awful,
absolutely no understanding
of my character's
motivation whatsoever.
You're a TV presenter,
Harriet, and your
motivation is in the bank.
Oh! I take personal
oence to that and I
refuse to acknowledge it.
Well you sort of just did.
I am a personality.
I am a star.
And I would like to think
after writing for me
for over three seasons
that those typewriter
monkeys would understand
my character.
This is a bit dierent
than filming a two-minute intro
to a midnight movie, darling.
I don't see how, darling.
This is a synergized
multimedia event.
The movie gets publicity,
this place gets publicity,
the channel gets a scary
new reality TV show,
and you, you get a
primetime audience for once.
Think about it, a weekly
syndicated survival horror
show, with you as the star.
Like, Bear Grylls
without eating the wildlife.
-Aim for the stars!
-And that's why my
character has to be right.
Luckily for you,
I understand my characters'
motivation perfectly.
No improv, Harriet.
[grunts]
You're looking beautiful.
Thank you. Champagne.
[cheering]
We're still here outside
the London Tombs.
And some of the great
fans are hoping to get
what might be the last chance
to see their celebrity favs.
Let's have a word.
Hi, what are you most hoping
to see our stars face tonight?
Bill Piper, Bill Piper!
You're excited, aren't you?
-Yeah, Piper, Piper...
-Piper.
Yeah, okay.
As our countdown nears its end
let's take the chance to
look at who's already
ventured inside to their fate.
Daytime soap awards
star nominee and star
of The Tombs two, it's Gigi!
You better know him from
his boy band crooning days and
star of the North Star, it's PJ!
Our celebrity sidekick,
Tanya Merryman.
Television and acting school
and main state of reality
television, it's Lyle Rourke.
[audience] Lyle, Lyle!
And last, but definitely not
least, your celebrity journalist
and news reporter and
blogger, Doug Smart.
Doug, Doug, Doug...
[Dom] This place
is a fucking maze.
[man] Yeah, they do it
on purpose mate, it's
to disorientate people.
Builds the fear apparently.
It's the whole point of it.
I don't understand why anyone
would let, out of work actors,
chase around the dark for fun.
I mean, there's something
wrong with people.
People like to be scared.
It's a thrill.
You're a mug.
[Dom] Anyway, I didn't
come here to be scared.
I came here to do a job.
[man] Dom?
[voice] Don't be scared,
don't be scared.
To be fair your job is bad, but
not as bad as these fucking two.
-It's not even Halloween yet!
-[guy] All right, all right.
Dickheads.
I don't know.
I think they're
kind of cute really.
[chuckles]
Give us a sip.
-Ah, I've got
lipstick on it now.
-Give it back here.
You see?
I told you.
There's something
wrong with people.
[chuckles] I take it you
don't watch horror films.
What happened to good
old-fashioned movies
for the whole family?
Listen mate, you know what
you're missing, all right?
The London Tombs, the
first one absolute classic.
Stone cold classic.
A bunch of tourists, they
get trapped in this place
overnight, and then-
then they get hunted
down by a deranged killer.
Picked o, one by one.
Total, old-school slasher!
Yeah, that sounds great.
Oh, I suppose this is your lad.
The one that does all
the picking and slashing
and god knows what?
Slashing, slashing,
god knows what.
No, I-- I actually don't
recognize that one.
Must be new for the sequel.
Let's just wrap it up here, eh?
There is a pint somewhere
with my name on it.
You head.
[clears her throat]
That had better
be a glitch, Gary.
Oh, come on, Olivia, what do
you want from me? I'm dealing
with all the technical problems,
what in an underground
scare attraction.
It's hardly wired
for audio visual.
So, no problem then.
No problem, just peachy.
[sighing]
-Uh-oh! Star wrangling?
-Character issues.
Problems with the
script apparently.
She's going to improv
it. I just know it.
What, the writing team
couldn't get the right
mixture of tits and clichs?
We've created a monster.
She's more of a-- a minor demon.
I was hoping for
fashionably late.
Well, time to start
clearing out the stragglers.
Well, break a leg.
Fix the cameras.
Yes, ma'am.
[sighing]
-Dom.
-[radio interference]
It's not even started yet and
I'm already getting shivers.
As we're close to kick o
that can only mean one thing.
It's time to introduce
our final guest.
You best know her
as the star of the
original Tomb 's movie,
ready to head back
underground one last time.
It's Piper!
Let's take a look back
at her time in the
original Tombs ' movie.
[engine starting noises]
[engine starting]
Come here. Come here.
-How are you feeling?
-Yeah, yeah.
I'm good thanks.
I'm, you know, really excited
to be here with, with all
the greatest fans!
Um, your fans.
I guess so.
-Nervous?
-Do you know, what I've got
to be honest, I am a little bit.
[Gary] Dom, pick up.
[Dom] Fuck.
[Dom sighing]
I am definitely getting workers
comp over that you, dopey prick.
My scream queen lungs
are ready to go.
-Okay, good. Get yourself
in and good luck.
-Thank you.
Bye! Bye!
Our fan favorite is in.
Let's hope she can
survive the night.
Okay, don't hold back all
right. This is going on TV.
I need to make an impact.
-Don't worry, you're
going to look great.
-Right.
-Just don't get it
in my eyes, okay?
-All right, all right.
What are you two still
doing here? I called places
fifteen minutes ago.
Get moving.
Finally, a real star.
Well, another one.
-Me?
-Modest too, such a rare
quality in horror royalty.
Well, I wouldn't say that.
I was so worried you
would flake and leave
me here with the B-list.
You know, I've done all the
reality shows back home.
Now days, seems like a
natural career progression.
-Is this your first?
-Yes. It is.
I thought so.
You seem a little stressed out.
-Oh, it's not that.
It's just uh...
-It is a little creepy.
-But this is going to be
fun, don't you think?
-I guess so.
Hell, I was surprised
they talked you
into doing this at all.
-Contractual obligation.
-[laughing]
Funny too, what a delight.
You know, once we're done
here, we really have
to sit down and talk.
I am working on a bunch of
projects that you would love.
Sorry, you're needed.
-Hi!
-Hey, there. I'm-- I'm PJ.
I know who you are.
What gave me away?
I'd have preferred a table
read if I'm being honest.
Me too.
And there we have it, everyone's
in and the doors are locked.
The night is getting dark
and the creeps are
coming out to play.
Stay with us as we venture
down into the Tombs.
But remember, get
comfortable, stay safe and
hold your loved ones tight
because it's not only
things down in the Tombs
that go bump in the night.
[man] And we're out!
Look, I'm not being funny
but how many more
links have I got to do?
So, you know, what-- what's
it like, uh, being back I mean?
Um, it's a little bit strange
if I'm being honest.
It's not really somewhere
I thought I'd be.
Oh, come on.
The only last surviving
character from a hit movie.
-Seems like a no brainer to me.
-Ha, ha!
Look what the cat
dragged back in.
-How's the scars?
-Fine, how's the jaw?
Lucrative.
I'm sorry I-- I
missed something.
Must be jet-lagged.
This sorry excuse, arsehole
of a journalist made
quite a name for himself,
-exploiting my personal life.
-And I made a mint.
So, I broke his jaw.
-Is that true?
-Oh yeah, he's an arsehole!
You know what, Piper? I'm
so glad that they didn't kick
the life out of you completely.
Oh no, it's there.
I reserve it for tabloid hacks.
-Anyway, I thought
print was dead.
-Bit like your career, honey.
Why don't you move
on away then, buddy?
I'll be seeing you.
Don't worry about him.
Why don't we go
and get a drink later
after this, you know?
Whose got time
for camera queens?
Oh!
The three stars
finally together.
Ah, this is so exciting!
Okay.
Piper! I am so thrilled
to be working with
a "legend" like you.
Well, it's nice to meet you too.
[voice] Don't be scared.
-Dom?
- [voice] Don't be scared.
Dom?
Dom?
Dom?
Hello.
Dom?
Help me.
Dom!
Dom!
Help me.
[voice] Don't be scared.
[screaming]
Ladies and gentlemen,
gather around, please.
That's right, come on.
Thank you everybody
for joining us here tonight,
we appreciate your time.
We'll be kicking o shortly.
Excuse me!
Focus here for a second.
Thank you.
So, I just wanted to run
you through basics.
I would hope your reps have
been through this already,
but I never assume
when it comes to agents.
Each of you have a wristband.
Red is principle cast
and blue is special guests.
At a point during the
proceedings you will be split
up and pit against each other
in a basic challenge.
During which the scare
professionals of the production
will pop up at random intervals
and boom, give you a scare.
Understood?
Rhetorical question, put
your hand down please.
Thank you, everybody.
That went really well.
What are you still
doing here? Fuck off!
Anyway, you go easy on
them tonight, eh, Nicky boy?
I'm sure I don't know
what you mean.
Look, I'll catch up with you
later for another cheeky swig.
See you later.
That's new.
When you are ready, boys
and girls, it's time to get
this ghost train on the rails.
Harriet, on your mark, please.
[beeping]
Dom, Wayne if you're still
down there it's time to get your
shit together and head on out.
[man] Scare team
ready to go live.
And we're back
in five, four, three.
[cheering]
Welcome back to our long
night of the horrors, live here
from The London Tombs.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're ready to begin.
-Are you okay?
-Just nerves.
You don't strike me
as a nervous person.
Don't worry, I'll--
I'll keep you safe.
-Is that so?
-Oh yeah, I'm not
afraid of anything.
Excuse me!
Ladies and gentlemen, boys
and girls, our spooky six.
Wait, wait, wait, um.
I didn't think you we're
afraid of anything.
I was just waiting for you.
What's the worst
that can happen?
-What?
-Nothing, something
my agent said.
Oh god.
Eh?
Ah!
-What's your point?
-Piper, my dear.
The London Tombs.
It's the scene of
your greatest triumph.
Your, your brightest day.
-Your...
-I'm not going.
Why not? You've already
signed up for the sequel.
This is early publicity.
I'm not ready for
this kind of event.
It's a closed set, there
is nothing to worry about.
Seb, you're meant
to be on my side.
What if that crazy
fan comes back?
Darling, I understand.
Really, I do.
But that was a long time ago,
and the sooner you're working,
the easier it's going to get.
-Do you think I'm not trying?
-No sweetie, I think
you're very trying.
Just kidding.
Please, stop pushing
me to places that
I'm not ready to go to.
Unfortunately, uh, it's not
me doing the pushing, dear.
Contractual obligations.
Forcing people into
compromising situations
since the 1920's.
-So they can sue me?
-They can fire you.
Think about it.
Your future, your independence,
your bank balance.
You mean yours.
A man can't live on
good intentions alone.
You've never had a
good intention in your life.
If the sequel does
as well as the first, it's
seriously good money.
I suppose I better get
my walking boots on then.
That's my girl.
At least I will have
you with me.
Oh! I have this ghastly event
with another client across town.
She's actually calling,
uh, a pretty young girl, uh,
-dumb as
a skunk, you know. No.
-Are you being serious?
Press love her, I mean.
At the moment at least.
Un-bloody-believable.
Seriously, you're
going to love it.
You're going to--
Thank you, love you.
That's right, you are
about to be a star.
Yeah.
Oh, I-- we're going
to have a blast.
-Oh hi, I'm-- I'm PJ.
-Hi! I'm Tanya.
Oh! I've heard
you're a physic.
Wow! Talking to
people's dead relatives.
Do you know how much
of people's life savings
they spend on that horseshit?
I've never charged
a penny to anyone.
Why don't you read my palm?
I don't read palms.
How convenient.
-Everyone in their place?
-Yep.
Uh, why can't I see
any of the scare guys?
That's because
they're all hidden.
That's the point.
Sticking to the shadows.
Whoa!
Come on people,
let a pro lead the way.
[door closing]
[light metallic noises]
I don't think so, pervert.
I bid you welcome.
Oh my god.
That's not funny.
The year was 1665.
Carried on the back of vermin,
fleas spread the devastating
plague through
crowded city streets.
Struck down by this
aiction in numbers vast
enough to defy belief
were dragged from
their homes and dumped
into mass graves.
[screaming and baby
crying in background]
Over three hundred years
later, while excavating the
very place of London Bridge,
-the builders happened
upon a gruesome discovery.
-[background man screaming]
Hundreds of human skeletons
twisting out of the earth,
as if trying to make good their
escape from their earthly tomb.
Some refused to go to work,
fearing sickness, while others
were afraid of the
less physical threat.
From the damned that
they shook loose from
their god forsaken bonds.
When we were finally ready
to open on the tombs to
the public, we had a priest,
concentrate the grounds
to, you know, contain
the restless spirits.
Although and I don't
mean to alarm you, I
was oered no guarantee,
no definite confirmation
that some small...
Oh look, she's using the script.
...festering for
a century still...
The only fucker that
festers here, love, are
the sub-par electronics.
Two teams will enter the pit of
despair with one simple goal.
Concealed into the tomb
below is a skull, one of many.
Now, this skull however, does
not belong to a simple victim.
Rather a man of great evil.
A necromancer who cast
his curse on this place.
The place of his interment
promising to return
and wreck his revenge.
Robert White.
-Who?
-Ah!
That will be revealed
in good time.
But for now,
I shall tell you this.
I wish you to find it for me.
It's getting like a game show.
-Yay!
-To the victors, freedom.
To the losers, well,
that would be telling.
A Virgil to your Dante
on your decent to hell.
Now, hurry along.
Time is of the essence and
your fate hangs in the balance.
[background eerie laughter]
[distant chatter]
Fire hazard.
That's going to end up
somewhere very unpleasant if
you don't get it out of my face.
[Doug] Ooh! Is that a promise?
That's better.
So, doesn't London Bridge
like go up in the middle
or something?
That's Tower Bridge, hon.
Oh my god, just like the song.
[alarm going off]
[chain noises]
[eerie whispering]
[chain and metallic noises]
[distorted child voice] Daddy,
what you doing to mummy?
Every motherfucking time.
-As our celebrities...
-[cameraman] We're out!
-What?
-Yeah, we're out.
-What the fuck?
-They're saying all
the cameras are out.
-What all of them?
-That's what I'm getting.
They're re-running
the video packages.
Great, so much for
live TV experience.
I'm trying to get
something out of the
control room, just sit tight.
These are real bones.
You know you'd get
more screen time if you
kept up with the crowd.
Besides, I don't want
to get left behind.
God only knows what
these weirdos do when
the cameras are o.
Oh, my god!
They don't know
what they've done.
This is a huge mistake.
[Lyle] Are you okay?
No, I'm fine.
Then let's go.
I didn't pay for the Hilton
to not be sleeping there.
She ain't a physic, you know.
Her crew feeds her
information through an
earpiece, she does all this...
It's all a total put on.
And Gigi, I can tell you
a thing or two about Gigi.
Well, let's just say
she didn't get to where
she is purely on talent.
And just don't get in the way
and her and the spotlight,
if you know what I mean.
Total Tanya Harding type.
Anything?
[cameraman] Total radio silence.
Well, I hope the fans
are enjoying their
extended their ad break.
[Lyle whispering] So, I've
done many reality shows.
This is your first one, so if
I can help you in anyway?
-Having fun?
-You know, I think
you're so brave.
For coming back I mean.
-Oh, whatever you've read I...
-I was talking about the movie.
-Oh!
-I think it's so brave of you
to try to re-launch your career,
in a movie where they're
killing you o so early.
Oh, you didn't know.
I am so sorry.
I guess I just have a better
relationship with the
producers than you.
They're making me the
new face of the franchise.
They're calling it
"The new generation."
Have you even read the script?
Okay.
[baby crying]
[distorted music box playing]
[distorted voice] Tanya.
[baby crying]
Pathetic.
Current mood, unimpressed.
-Remind me why we
invited him again?
-Synergy.
You see you keep saying
that, but I'm not sure
you know what it means.
I'm already really famous in
LA. I have like over a million
followers on social media.
And I really love my fans,
you know, they're so sweet.
They're always...
Oh Lyle, I just wanted
to ask you, um...
You're not scared
already, are you?
Something really weird
is happening here.
I can feel it.
Listen, I'm a believer.
You can always talk
to me if you need to.
Thank you.
[laughing]
Are you ready?
Mm-hmm.
Good.
Cos we only have
one shot at this
and there is already
some other idiot walking
around back there.
-Do you want me to go
and have a word or...
-No.
I want you to stay on your mark.
I will find him later.
[distorted music]
[whistling]
You okay?
Just uh, bad energy here.
Oh, quit it with your
physic play acting, love.
Ooh, shit, fuck!
Pricks.
[honking]
[honking]
They're definitely life-like,
I'll give them that.
Ooh, it looks like this is
where we are going
our separate ways then.
Sorry, if I upstage
you, but-- you know.
Yeah, the new generation.
Yeah, can we quit the
chitchat and keep moving?
No, please wait.
Hey, don't worry, Tanya.
Nothing bad is going to
happen. It's just a show.
Exactly, she's already
playing the part.
No, listen to me.
I know there is something
really wrong here.
You're telling me sweetheart.
-Like what?
-I don't know yet, but...
Something, something is moving.
Well, it's not us.
Listen, I know you're scared,
but nothing's going to happen.
It's just a game.
Please, there's something
really wrong here.
You must be careful.
Okay, let's go.
You're confident,
you're scary, you're fear.
You're confident,
you're scary, you're fear.
[metallic noise]
Hello?
Hello?
Haven't you got anything
better to do than play
with yourself in the dark?
So not funny.
Ah, you dick! Get out of here
man, my bit's coming up.
-Oh my god.
-[metallic sound]
Who the hell is that? No one
should be down here yet.
No.
Not busting up the place either.
Oi, whose pissing about?
[thump]
This isn't funny, guys.
[girl] Nick?
[cameraman] We're done.
What? Really?
Yeah, they got the CCTV
back, but they can't get
the outside feedback live.
-Oh! What are they going to do?
-Do you really care?
Nah. Good point.
Oi, someone get me a car.
I've got places to be with
alcohol and some people.
[Gary] Watch this.
Well, you know what,
we've got the reaction.
That's all that counts.
Are you serious?
We didn't see anything.
Hashtag, no filter. Ha, ha.
[gasps]
Help...
me.
Oh!
If it's going to keep happening,
we need to get it fixed now.
Well, if you can get the boys
on the radio, be my guest.
They're not coming
back to me, are they?
Well, you go then.
-Excuse me?
-Go and fix it.
I'm a little bit busy.
Fine! I'll go.
You'll need this.
And don't forget to
use the pointy end.
Prick.
Looks like my ex-girlfriend.
[chuckles]
-Where's-- where's Piper?
Woah! Woah!
-Run!
Look, I'm supposed
to be the jittery one.
-What's going on?
-This thing he's huge!
He's just killed someone.
Oh, you can't be serious.
This is a weak attempt
to upstage me.
Go and have a look and
see if there's anything there.
See? Nothing.
It's just a part of the show.
They're just trying
to play on your nerves.
-It's okay.
-Yeah, well it worked.
Okay.
Let's go.
Let's get this over
and done with.
[Doug] Come on then, Mystic Meg.
What are you feeling now?
Same as before.
Something very powerful here.
The necromancer, the one
that Harriet mentioned upstairs.
I think it's more
than just a story.
I think it's real.
Gather around for
I have a tale to tell.
And you're right.
He was very real.
I'm not acting.
I...
As the plague spread
through the slums of the city,
no one was safe from the
insidious spread of death.
Fearing for their safety, they
turned away from the doctors
that had done little to stop
the flow of chaos.
And looked for a
more arcane remedy.
A wealthy group of citizens
trying to safe their own skin
turned to a man
named Robert White.
Tanya, how did you
know his name?
Specializing
in the dark arts, most
notably communication
with the spirit realm,
White promised these people,
that he could call on this side
to save them and their families.
Although this came at a
price, Robert White was a
deceitful and wicked man.
And before long his
benefactors came to see
their wives and children,
grow sick and die
from the very illness he
promised to keep at bay.
What happened next?
[clock chiming]
Oh, is that the time? You'd
better get on your way.
No please I'm not
playing, I need to know!
Well, what do you know!
Someone who claims
they can speak to the dead
is actually talking shit.
No please, I think
we are in danger here.
[distorted voice] Robert White.
White.
Dial it back a bit, will you?
Jesus.
Stupid fucking physic,
doesn't she know who I am?
Stepping all over my lines,
I'm going to call her agent.
I'm going to get
her fucking fired.
Let's see what
she thinks about that.
You, you're in the wrong
place, you're supposed
to be over there.
Can't you do anything
right? You have one job
and it's fucking easy.
How come none of you
know what the fuck to do?
You're a moving mannequin.
All you have to do
is be here when the
action's supposed to start.
It's not fucking dicult.
Why aren't you listening to me?
Don't you know who I am?
What don't you
fucking understand?
Get your ass over there.
[Greg] Oh what?
[distant bell chiming]
Hey.
We'll be done soon.
Get ourselves a sti drink,
somewhere with lots of lights.
-What do you say?
-Yeah, sure.
I mean, it just looked so real.
Well, what kind of real?
Oh my god! What happened?
Take it the news didn't, uh,
quit travel across the pond.
I had a run in with a fan
and he figured himself
to be my boyfriend.
And when I didn't feel the same
way he got a little aggressive.
Shit, I'm sorry.
Don't be, I've spent enough
time feeling sorry for
myself and hiding away.
This is my big return.
Seems like a bit
of an odd choice.
Yeah, I'm starting
to think that myself.
Although, not as odd as
a claustrophobic entering
an underground tomb.
You're what?
Sounds like the start
of a bad joke, huh?
-I thought you said
nothing scared you?
-Well not nothing.
Why would they leave
a script lying around?
Perhaps they missed their cue.
Or it's a clue.
Oh no wait, nope, never
mind it's not for us.
-So, what do we do?
-Stay here, I guess.
Fuck that!
We should get going.
Don't want the other team
to find the skull before us.
-Seriously.
-Winners get top billing.
Okay.
What, what's so scary
about this place?
[Lyle] Maybe it's just me.
Yeah, not exactly
the most exciting footage
I've ever filmed.
Quiet.
I'm getting something.
Oh, come on give it up.
You have to listen to me.
No, I don't.
There's something
supernatural at work here.
The only thing that's at work
here is your ridiculous
overactive imagination.
Something evil.
From a misguided childhood.
I know what I'm talking about!
-You're not going to buy
into this shit, are you?
-Well, I don't know.
She did know who
that Robert guy was.
-How do you explain that?
-Mm-mmm, she read the script.
Well, yeah.
I guess, that could be.
Do you know what?
You two wait here.
I'm o to find the others.
What the fuck!
-Oh! Oh my god!
What happened to you?
-You need to help.
Right, we need
to get out of here.
Yeah, okay, fella. Good stu.
He's going to come, he--
he will come for us all.
Who? Who is coming?
Oh, knock it o love, if you'll
excuse me, I'm leaving.
I wouldn't if I were you.
Yeah well, you're not me.
See you later.
Don't leave us!
So, this is a hallway
of nightmares.
[baby crying]
Definitely, fucking
nightmares. Okay.
Claustrophobia and dolls.
I said almost nothing.
[PJ] Almost nothing.
Oh, shit.
Oh, this isn't right.
Where the fuck am I?
-Ladies first.
-Oh, man up.
You all right?
Still can't believe you
signed up for this?
-A job's a job, right?
-Mm-hmm.
-You don't think they'd, let
me go around, do you?
-I wouldn't count on it.
Oh, for f...
What the...
What the f...
-I found it!
-Fuck!
See, I found it!
Ooh, interesting.
[Piper] What does it say?
"A warning to any
intrepid explorer who
finds this accursed skull."
Ooh.
"A curse will fall on those
that seek to remove it from
this, it's final resting place.
Robert White will rise from
hell to seek his revenge.
Go back.
Go back from whence you came."
[chuckles]
Terrifying.
It's plastic.
Heads up!
-So, does that mean
we can go now?
-Sure hope so.
What the hell? I didn't
authorize that costume.
It is fucking, fucking real!
What the fuck you staring at?
Let's get the fuck out of here.
What happened,
what did you see?
Fuck knows, but I'm not
hanging around to see it again.
-Oh!
-Stupid bitch.
-Are you all right?
-We've got to go, he's coming.
-Who's coming?
-Him. He's huge.
-What the hell is going on?
-Uh, there's a stairwell.
Look, I've got
the skull, I've won.
Just shut up, Gigi!
-Will someone please tell me
what the fuck is going on?
-Oh!
Well, that was a bit much.
Gigi, come on.
Fuck!
[Tanya] Help!
Forget it. It's no good.
-Help!
-Forget it. It's no good.
Well what do you suggest?
I suggest we head back,
walk into the entrance,
straight into the lobby.
You want to listen
to this asshole?
You're going to be
walking straight into him.
Excuse me.
But if this so-called gift of
yours has given you any
information whatsoever,
then I suggest you might
want to share it with us.
He's out there and
he is waiting for us.
She's right.
There is a fucking
maniac on the loose
and you want to take advice
from an ex-mental patient?
What do you mean
ex-mental patient?
Ask her yourself,
a real fruitcake.
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, right.
If you look here, there's the
stairwell that's where she's
heading, that's our way out.
Look, this is obviously
just part of the show.
I mean, it's got to be a trick.
We've already found this.
Okay, if you look there, there's
the stairway that connects
there and that's how we get out.
Let's go.
But...
Holy shit!
-Anything?
-Nothing.
Right, we must have
gone the wrong way
because if you look here...
[Gigi] This is ridiculous.
[Piper] Excuse me?
This is ridiculous.
This is all just
part of the show,
and I'm not going to let you
use this as an excuse
to steal my limelight.
Unbelievable.
-Thank you.
-That is not a compliment.
Stop, stop it.
We need to work together.
You know what I need
to do right now is show
those people out there
what they really want to see.
-People are dying!
-Oh my god, you are
as dumb as you look.
You know what? If you two
want to go on, running on
home then go, but not...
No, no, no! You stay here!
Hell, with that! I'm going
to do what I do best.
I'm going to be a star.
Oh shit!
Mother fucker.
Run!
No.
I've got this. Get out.
[Doug] Shit. Oh, shit.
What the fuck am I doing?
Unbelievable.
Fucking brilliant.
Fuck!
[Piper] Move!
[PJ] Hey, buddy.
Yep, d-- don't mind me.
[Piper] It's locked.
Fuck.
-Have you got
any cell reception?
-[Doug] Nothing.
[Piper] I've got a
bar on my Wi-Fi.
[cell phone ringing]
Surely.
Oh, shit.
I think that's the Wi-Fi.
Fuck!
Thanks for that.
Where's Lyle?
He saved me.
Which one is it?
Oh, Christ!
This is from the seventies.
Jesus!
Robert White.
But that...
That was just a story.
But one based in truth.
Look, he cursed this place.
He made a promise to rise
from the dead and rised he has.
So, what? He's like a--
a zombie or something?
No, a spirit.
It's taken on a form
with no energy of its own.
Nothing to resist it.
This is horse shit.
He was weak at first.
But he is getting
stronger with every kill.
Closer and closer
to what he really wants.
-And what is it that
he really wants?
-A host.
Human flesh and blood
to carry his spirit.
And then?
Then we can leave this place.
-And God help us!
-[Piper] So, what
do we do now then?
Well, we stay here, right?
I thought you were
claustrophobic.
Lesser of two evils.
Yeah well, I-- I-- I for one
might be incapable of moving.
What are you-- uh,
what are you doing?
No.
Hold it closed.
Oh, fuck it.
I give up.
Fucking had enough of it.
-Well, now what?
-We wait here obviously.
Dumb arse.
-Run?
-[Doug] This is ridiculous.
-Are you fucking thick?
-You want to carry your own ass?
-Ignore me I-- I-- I-- I'm in
considerable amount of pain.
-Shut up, man.
No. He'll be back.
He knows we are here.
He won't give up
that easily, he needs us.
And where is he, if he
needs us so bloody badly?
Where is Gigi?
Is this what you want?
Is this what you're after?
Shit, we-- we have to help
her. We have to find her.
We can't fight him like that.
-Then how?
-Something is holding
him to this place.
Something that allows
his spirit to remain.
Oh, brilliant yeah.
We're back to this
nonsense again.
What is it?
A skull.
It's plastic.
Not that one.
The way we came in,
one of the skulls on the wall.
I believe if we destroy
this skull, we destroy
the connection.
Well fuck it, at least
it's the way out.
You're going to
have to guide us.
Oh, it's you.
Look. You may have all the
others fooled, but not me.
But don't worry.
I'm willing to play along.
Oh, my god mister.
Please don't kill me.
I'm too young to...
Hey!
Oh, not the axe.
Oh god, anything but the axe.
Oh my god.
[screams]
What's this?
Nah.
[Gigi screaming]
Sounds like they are
having fun down there.
Not for me.
Ooh, this is the one for me.
Ah, that's my baby.
Come to daddy.
You and me.
[distorted music box playing]
[baby crying]
You're a bad ass.
Yeah? I've been hurt before
and it ain't happening again.
Fair enough.
[PJ] Ah you're so heavy, ah.
[Doug] Ooh, what the fuck?
-Don't want to mess
up your pony tail.
-Shut the fuck up.
Quickly, he's getting closer.
Run.
Woah!
-Piper!
-[screaming]
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!
Fucking typical!
Come on.
Here. Here, here.
Down, down, down.
Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah!
-Where you going?
-Going back for the others.
No, no, no, no. Fuck them.
We don't know them,
so we don't owe them.
Let's move on!
Look, just stay here
and be quiet. I'll be back.
Woah, where you going?
Woah, woah, what you doing?
Woah, I've got money.
Don't leave me!
Fuck!
Fuck.
[noises]
[drill going on]
[drill turning off]
[screaming]
[general chatter]
[piano playing]
-[screaming]
-Oh my god.
-What happened to you?
-Long story.
-A--a--a-- and him, that thing?
Behind me somewhere.
- I don't know. I, uh.
What do you want to do?
We finish this.
Okay, yeah.
Yeah, uh, come on.
But I was meant to be a star.
[Gigi screaming]
Oh my god.
Thanks for coming back
for me you, arsehole.
I could always just
leave you here, huh.
Listen, listen! We think
we've found a way out.
Well, why are we
standing around here
talking like schoolgirls?
-I didn't have to
come back for you.
-Argue later.
[distant scream]
Run.
Fuck you!
Piper!
You should've just
fucking left me there.
Fucking pricks!
All right?
Do we need to rest?
No, no. Like you said,
no more hiding.
No more hiding.
Now is not the time to panic.
Now is the time to finish it.
Let's go.
Give me a fucking break!
Please, please, please.
Of course it doesn't... Fuck!
Ah, for...
For fu...
What the fuck happened to you?
Who the fuck is this?!
What the hell's your
problem, Lurch?
Which one is it?
It's got to be that one.
-I'll go.
-No!
No!
Come and get me then!
PJ!
Robert White!
This tomb is yours!
PJ.
PJ.
You okay?
Alive at least.
Let's get you out of here.
Okay.
Come on.
Come here.
Come here.
[horse neighing]
Ah, god.
Ah, put me down.
Just here, just here
is fine. Put me down.
Well, I guess that's
the movie scuppered.
Still got the leading
lady though.
And the leading man.
Well,
I'm not going to make
it to the end credits.
No.
I'm done.
I um, guess you'll have to
have that drink on your own.
My final girl.
Woah, woah, woah,
woah! Help me.
Just wait, I've just got
to check this door!
I am still alive! As
unbelievable as it may seem.
-[Doug] Help me!
-Wait!
The others?
That is one hell of an article.
I need to get this door open,
because he's coming
and that won't hold him.
I think he's already here.
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!
Kill her, not me.
Please!
I'm too smart to die.
Fuck!
[distorted voice]
Hit! Hit! Hit! Hit!
Come on then, you bastard!
Oh, fuck.
[thunder bolting]
[Doug] Woah, Piper.
[chuckling]
You are a fucking legend.
I take it all back.
Ah, Jesus.
No hard feelings, eh.
I got here to talk, so...
What are you doing?
I apologized.
I said I was-- Don't be stupid.
I sai-- I sai--
I said I was sorry.
[eerie music]
[music ends]