The Trip (2021) Movie Script
1
(man) Can I trust you?
(woman) Of course you
can trust me, my dear Kjetil.
Because if I can, I might...
I might get out of this place
where I'm so angry,
suspicious, and desperate.
I just wish we'd talked
about all this before.
I've been so suspicious that I...
that I went through your phone.
Huh?
You're right, though.
It's not my fault.
I saw all those text
messages you sent to Daniel.
I saw everything you
said to each other.
- Kjetil...
- I saw the things that you two have done.
- How could you go through my phone?
- No, it's good.
Because now I
know. I know all of it.
Now I'm fully aware that you're
just a lying, cheating whore.
- That's what you are.
- All of it?
You don't know all of it.
Okay, no? Then what else?
I'm pregnant.
- What?
- I'm pregnant.
We're having a kid?
Not us.
Daniel and I...
are pregnant.
Yeah. That's right.
I'm pregnant, and the father
is your dead brother's son.
(dramatic music plays)
(groans)
(sighs)
(sighs)
(man) And... cut!
Ah! Phew.
Ah! I think that was a good one.
Yeah, thanks, that's done.
Beautiful work, guys. Thanks.
- KJETIL: Lars?
- Yeah?
Do we need to, you
know, go again, or...
No, it's good. Thanks,
yeah. It's great. Thanks. Gold.
Gold.
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
That scene earlier was great.
- Think so?
- Mm-hm.
- Oh, I'm so glad to hear that.
- Yeah. It was great.
Hey, I had a thought
for the next scene...
We're going to the
cabin this weekend.
Hmm?
I mean, me and Lisa are going.
- How are things with Lisa?
- Oh, good.
It's, uh... Lisa's Lisa. But
I'm good, and she's good.
- That's what matters.
- That's really good.
Yeah. Last time it wasn't, so...
Yeah, it's been up and
down, but we're good now.
Hmm.
- Tell her I said hi.
- Mm.
But I hope that we can talk a little
about the scene we're about to do...
Lisa said, this weekend,
she's going, um... hiking.
- Mm-hm?
- She's gonna head up to the mountains.
All alone.
So I said to her, "It's
dangerous, yeah?"
Dangerous?
- (horns blare)
- LARS: See you tomorrow at twelve.
- On the dot.
- (man on phone) Yeah.
- LARS: Yeah, don't be late, okay?
- (man) Okay.
- You got all the equipment?
- Yeah. All good.
- Okay. Perfect. Thank you.
- But... Hey.
- Are we, uh... taking the boat out?
- Huh?
While we're there?
No, we're not taking the boat out.
What the hell are you talking about?
No! No boat. You forget
why we're going there?
TYEN "SENI-WHORE" CENTER
(man) How are things with Lisa?
Lisa's Lisa.
- Mm-hm.
- She's good.
We're headed to the summerhouse
for a little R and R. A break.
- (chuckles) A break from what?
- Don't start, Dad.
When's this TV shit gonna end, huh?
You're not gonna be the next Hitchcock.
- When will you get...
- Areal job, like you had?
Look where it got
you. Well done.
I drove that bus to
provide for my family.
For you and your mother. Oh,
and I built that summerhouse.
Lisa's...
She's decided to go
hiking in the mountains.
Planning this whole walk
into the... the mountains,
- all alone.
- (laughs)
You know, it's dangerous.
There's snow and ice. I've
told her to be careful there.
Dangerous.
I loved that house.
(laughs)
A beer, a hammock.
Looking out on the lake.
Hear the wind in the trees. Huh?
LARS: Yeah.
- I designed it myself, did you know?
- Really?
Yeah. The architect wanted
to turn the cabin around, right?
I said to him, "It's much
nicer to see the sun come up,
- that..."
- Than to see it go down?
- Yeah, because it gives you hope.
- Mm-hm.
You know, that's the problem
with your whole generation.
All you fuckers,
nothing is ever enough.
What good a war would have
done you. All you sorry fuckers.
So war is good?
- Certainly made me a man.
- Uh-huh?
A man isn't something
born. Men are made.
They're something forged,
something hardened.
By pain. Great suffering.
And by blood.
Jesus Christ.
Fuck. I should have
kicked the bucket there.
I shouldn't be sitting here.
I can't die like this.
Not here. Not like this.
(register bleeping)
(horn blares)
- Oh, hey!
- Hey, Lars.
- Doing good?
- Yeah.
That's good.
- Happy hunting!
- Huh?
Hey! Ready for the cabin?
Yeah.
You park so damn
close to this fence.
Ngen lige ligga i teten
Andre lige sannheten
Ngen lige bare leken
De lar andre ta styten
De har ftt det som de ville
For det har
skjedd i det stille
Men etter solskinn
kommer regnvr
O store dessverre
O dessverre
Nr regnet blir hardt
D ser me s klart
Nr regnet blir hardt
Settes hardt i mot hardt
For nr regnet blir hardt
S kommer harmen
S kommer varmen
(music stops)
(alarm chimes)
What are you doing? Huh?
- Oh, hm.
- Oh, it was on sale.
- I wasn't worried.
- Oh, I know you weren't.
No, I wasn't.
No, I know we can't afford to buy
nice wine. That's why I don't do it, okay?
(alarm stops)
Can we just forget about all
of this and just relax, okay?
- Okay.
- Mm-hm. Thanks.
Is that the new play
- you're auditioning for?
- Mm-hm.
- Any good?
- It's okay.
Ah, you'll get the role.
I'm not so sure..
The director is
supposed to be a...
pretentious bastard.
- That's the whole point of our job.
- Mm-hm.
(chuckles)
But this guy's a
theater director.
- What are you saying?
- Nothing, nothing.
Because I direct TV, right?
When you direct TV.
I am directing TV, though.
- And I got home early.
- A soap opera, right?
Oh, yeah? And when was
your last job, then, Meryl?
"Side effects can include
drowsiness, dizziness, diarrhea
- and thoughts of suicide."
- Don't talk like the crap you do's better.
That crap I do pays our
credit card bills, in fact.
- I am so tired of arguing with you!
- So then don't!
When we get there, I'm
gonna lie in the hammock
- and not move for the whole weekend.
- That's great.
Learn this part, and
drink some wine...
Only reason I will ever
move is to go to the fridge.
Or to go watch some TV.
I wasn't trying to say he's
better than you, he's not.
He's just different. You're...
You're an amazing director.
Uh-huh. We both know
that's some bullshit.
(both laughing)
(birdsong)
(Lars sighs)
- (bleep)
- What the fuck?
What is it?
- (bleep)
- Doesn't fucking work.
LISA: Honey, I'm home!
(sighs)
Home, sweet home. (chuckles)
Jeg vil fortelle hva som hendte
P et sted, helt innerst i en fjord
Der bodde tusen frelste Pluss
en tenring, og hennes unge mor
Vel, da skolen var slutt en sommerdag
Kom datteren lpende som gal
Og hun sa, "Mamma, her er brev
til deg Fra tilsynet for hg moral"
Oh, i brevet sto "Fru Johnsen De
fostrer drlig dotter Dykkar sjlv"
"De har altfor korte skjrt Og
det seiast at de stundom drikker l"
"De m kome p eit mte Det
er no ikveld, i Bedehusets sal
(clank)
"Vi m ta dotter Dykkar fr Dykk
Helsing Tilsynet for hg moral"
Klokken syv den samme
kvelden Startet mtet
Og med ett s smalt en dr
BASIL
Og like inn i salen kom Fru
Johnsen Kledd i miniskjrt som aldri fr
Frst da hun ndde prekestolen
Snudde hun, og s ut p den fulle sal
Og sa, "Jeg har litt si til
Dere Voktere av stedets moral"
LARS: Have you seen
my wool sweater?
LISA: Which one?
The one I'm always
wearing when I'm here.
The one I like, with the stripes,
you know, that I wear when I'm here.
It's not in the closet?
I looked there, obviously.
LISA: No, haven't seen it.
Hey, you can't... It's important
that they're not too thick.
That they're not that thick.
Make them thinner, okay?
Okay.
Hey, don't, don't.
Don't turn it down now!
But it's way too hot. Look
at that. You'll burn them.
No. The butter's supposed
to be like that. Crackling.
- Oh, come on, can't you just...
- Hey!
- ...put them in the pan?
- Aah!
- (sizzling)
- (Lisa sighs)
Okay.
LARS: What do you think?
LISA: It's good.
LARS: I got Arvid
to cut them for me.
They don't have New York strip at
the store, so I had to draw it for him.
- You drew the steak for him?
- Mm-hm.
What's up?
I think it's... fascinating how
much time you can spend on...
On us having a nice
meal and a nice night?
Of course. I'll do that.
When's your audition, huh?
On Tuesday.
If you're ready? All good?
There's a lot I've got
to memorize, but...
- Well, what a great place to do it.
- Mm-hm.
That, um... other thing?
- What other thing?
- That, uh... that, um...
That thing, um... that
thing you're writing.
You and that guy
from your acting class.
- What's his name?
- Diego.
- What's his name?Diego?
- Mm-hm.
Mmm.
So, how's that?
It's going well.
I think it'll work.
Great.
Is it rough?
Is it hard?
Mm-hm.
(chuckles)
It's good to write
your own material.
Smart.
LARS: Okay.
That's one, two, three...
four, five, six, seven...
eight, and nine.
(Lisa chuckles)
Gurka. Cucumber.
Triple score, bitch.
- 54 points.
- Like fuck it is.
- What?
- You can't use a Swedish word.
It's "agurk" in
Norwegian. A-G-U-R-K.
- How come Swedish isn't allowed now?
- It's the Norwegian edition of the game.
If Swedish was allowed, it'd
be a Swedish box and rules.
- Well, I'm doing it. They're my points.
- Then you lose.
- (scoffs) Are you serious?
- Of course I'm serious.
(sighs)
- Okay. I'm over it.
- Well, then it's "agurk".
12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,
18... 18 points. "Agurk".
(yawns)
You tired?
You get tired when
you lose, huh?
Go upstairs, I'll clean up.
Good night.
Are we going to continue playing
tomorrow, or do you give up?
- You're really far behind, you know.
- (chuckles)
We'll play tomorrow.
Night, then.
(owl hooting)
(birdsong)
(sighs)
(sighs)
(clanking)
Come on, now. Come on.
Come on. (clears throat)
LISA: Lars?
- Yeah?
- Can you come over here?
I can come, yeah. I'm coming.
(sighs)
What's wrong?
LISA: I need some help in here.
- (Lisa yells)
- (Lars groans)
(coughs)
(gasps)
(groans)
(sighs)
What were you doing with this?
- The hammer?
- Mm-hm.
I was... gonna fix the roof.
Those roof things. You know?
(laughs) Roof things?
- Mm-hm.
- Ah!
The shingles?
- Yeah. The shingles.
- Uh-huh. Uh, yeah, yeah.
And this one?
- What are you doing?
- What were they for, huh?
What about the rocks in the
boat? What were they for?
(sighs)
I saw what you were doing
by the edge of the forest.
What are you talking about?
Why'd you zap me with a Taser?
(banging)
Ah, fuck.
Lisa, stop it. Come on! Hey!
Stop it.
If I was to guess, I'd say you
were going to take the hammer,
hit me on the head, tie me
up, take me out in the boat
and sink me in the
lake with those rocks.
- (gasps)
- Warmer?
The thing that I...
don't understand is, um...
what was the saw for?
Hmm?
Bodies float. So I was
going to cut you into pieces.
(laughing) What?
(laughing loudly)
No! What? Lars!
You were gonna... you
were gonna dissect me?
- (laughing)
- Mm-hm.
You? You can't
even hold a raw steak.
(laughing)
(mimics whining)
(laughing)
But, I mean, what...
What were you thinking?
What were you
going to tell people?
That Lisa just went for a walk,
that she never came home?
No... No! (laughing)
Are you kidding me?
That was your plan?
(laughing) Oh!
Oh! You're so fucking stupid.
(laughing) Oh!
But hey... What I really...
really, really want
to know, is what for.
What kind of idiotic motive
do you have to murder me?
Let's start off with you being a
lying bitch and a two-timing whore.
Hmm.
- When'd you realize?
- When I got home one evening.
You were rehearsing with
that classmate of yours.
And I saw it wasn't
lines he was feeding you.
So you were going to beat me to
death with a hammer and cut me up
because of Diego?
Because I'm screwing
someone else?
Okay, but take a
second and think.
Think hard. I know
it's difficult for you,
there's not much going
on up there, but try.
When's the last
time we fucked? Hm?
Hm?
When's the last time you satisfied me,
Mr. "Two humps and I'm going to sleep"?
Fucking whore.
I can't say that I'm surprised.
An idiotic motive, an
idiotic plan, an idiotic man.
My plan, however...
Phew.
It's on a whole other level.
What was your plan, then?
Not was.
Is.
Hunting?
ONE DAY EARLIER
- Yeah.
- You?
You know I hate guns.
But he was like, "Come on, Lisa.
It's something we can do as a couple."
- But you can't even shoot, right?
- No, but Lars can.
- So it can't be too tricky, huh?
- Excuse me, Ms. Lisa?
I'm done with the
leaves, so I'm heading out.
Oh, thanks, Victor. I'll
send you the money.
Thank you so much.
- See you later.
- See you soon.
Really soon.
(laughs)
(chuckles) He does
some odd jobs for us,
of the easier sort.
I can't get over
your hair. It's...
- Yeah.
- You went blonde.
Yeah, it was for a role.
- An audition.
- So, did you book it?
No.
- (chuckles) No.
- (children shouting)
Your time will come.
You only need one good
role. That's what Lars says.
Yeah.
That's what he says.
(horn blares)
- Happy hunting.
- Huh?
We're hunting in the forest. I
didn't really want to come, but...
you convinced me.
I hate the thought of
guns. Everyone knows it.
So... I'm walking
behind you, and I...
I stumble.
And boom...
"No!"
"No! Oh, my God!"
"What a tragic
accident. So awful."
(chuckles) Okay.
I get it.
- What?
- No, it's just that
this is where your
plan falls apart.
- How so?
- Because, Lisa...
Because you're a terrible,
awful, horrible actor.
You can't even act your
way out of a speeding ticket.
You can't even fake
an orgasm, can you?
All that screaming and
godawful groaning you keep doin'?
I'm sure even Diego,
as stupid, stupid as he is,
even he knows you're just lying.
Think of five years ago.
When I said to follow your
dreams and move to Norway?
I was lying... through my teeth.
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you!
You swallowed that whole fuckin' line,
didn't you? You believed me entirely!
And you know why?
It's because I am so much
better of an actor than you.
- Nah.
- Yeah, I am.
You're a fucking bitter,
useless, fourth-rate director.
Think of that movie you were gonna
do. Of course you were gonna fuck it up...
- The deal fell apart!
- So you just give up, then?
At least I had something to give up
on, Ms. "Side effects can include..."
Just stop and look at that
stupid blonde hair of yours.
Do you think you'll get
more roles with that?
What's next for you, huh? Botox?
Or silicone?
- Actually, that might be for the best...
- Hey, fuck you!
- Yeah, fuck you.
- As if you're so much better.
- I am.
- Remember that...
What's was her name?
That dumb actress. Danielle!
- Who said the director told her...
- Oh, my God!
- Are you starting this again?
- Told her to take off her top
- so he could get a look at her breasts.
- That was some "Me Too" bullshit, okay?
First of all, she was
auditioning for a stripper,
- I needed to see if she was comfortable...
- You needed to see if...
- (groans)
- You're so creepy. Creepy and boring!
Every time I listen
to your advice,
- it goes to hell.
- Hm.
You were the one who told
me to move to Norway for work.
- I was lying, you talentless fucking tit!
- Enough!
Now, we're gonna get dressed and
go for a long, long walk in the forest,
that ends up with me blowing
your head off your neck.
I'm good, thanks.
Hm.
- You're good?
- Yeah.
(yells)
(groans) You cunt!
Ow!
- You're so fucking pathetic.
- (groaning)
If you don't do what I tell you,
I'll take your little hammer
and shove it up your ass.
Nothing is going
into my ass today.
Absolutely nothing.
- You're sure about it?
- Oh, yeah. I'm sure about it.
(man yells)
(sighs)
What the hell took you so long?
(screaming)
FIVE DAYS EARLIER
(music thumping)
Want some?
No, I'm all right. I'm
not five years old.
Why are we meeting here?
I thought it would be less
suspicious, you know?
It's like how secret
agents would meet.
Okay. Two adults,
alone at a carnival?
Or two secret agents
who are also pedophiles?
You're the one who needs me.
Yeah, 'cause there's one
thing I won't... can't do.
Yeah, and I don't get it. That's
the easy part, I mean, after it's over.
- It's like cleaning a reindeer.
- Good. We're playing to our strengths.
But, um... I was wondering
about my compensation.
The compensation?
What do you mean?
Her policy is for a million. You
get 500,000 and we move on.
I want it in writing.
You want it In writing?
You want a contract?
A written document detailing how we're
going to murder and and dismember my wife?
That's what you want?
- Yeah.
- Ever heard of evidence?
Ever heard of "moron" before?
- I just want to be professional.
- Be there at 12.
On the dot. Oh, and thanks so
much for finding time in your schedule.
Goddamn snob.
Like I don't have a
schedule. Of course...
Of course I have a schedule.
(screaming)
(whimpers)
- Morning.
- (gasps)
Her face looks weird.
I think that's pretty common when
someone smashes your head in with a shovel.
- (grunting)
- Ah...
Sit down.
(gasps)
(sighs)
What?
What the fuck? Lars.
- Fuck, are you serious?
- What?
You really dragged
Victor into this?
Hey. Hey, Ms. Lisa.
I mean, Victor? Stupid Victor.
- Idiot Victor...
- Hey!
- What?
- Don't call me that.
Aah.
(sighs)
So the thinking is...
that Victor is going to kill me.
No.
It's not like that. Since
Lars thinks it's gross,
we said that I
would do the cleanup
- if he does the...
- Hello.
- My job is to cut you to pieces.
- Hey, let's just shut up.
LISA: Ah. Of course
you can't do it yourself.
You fucking chickenshit.
- Shut your mouth! Both of you, stop!
- You're a pathetic fool.
Just stop. It's my turn.
You're going to answer me, Lisa.
What the hell kind of
reason can you have
to kill me?
I'm ready for it.
You mean apart from
being a pathetic waste of life?
(sniffs)
Yeah, apart from that. Mm.
You're an irresponsible
gambling addict
who buried our entire
lives under his debts.
Oh, yeah, right. Fuck it.
LISA: "Just quit
your job, Lisa."
"I'll take care of you. My
salary's enough for the both of us."
- And it was!
- Yeah, yeah.
You did all right for a few years, before
people realized what a hack you are.
- Talentless fucking garbage.
- Garbage?
- Oh!
- You do realize
that we'll lose it all
in two more months?
The house, and the car, and
the cabin your father built for you.
- You just keep going like it's all fine.
- What?
Expensive wines,
- and New York fucking steak.
- What do you mean, we'll lose it all?
I bought the car. I
bought our house.
Oh, and I got this
summerhouse from my father.
- No, Lars. No, no.
- Oh, yeah.
You know, when you get
married, you share your belongings.
What's yours is mine, and what's
mine is yours. So it's also mine!
(sighs)
(chuckles)
Oh, I get it.
You want the life insurance.
You were gonna
kill me so you could...
- Be free.
- Be free?
Okay.
Get far away from here
and never look back again.
VICTOR: Huh.
It's kind of funny.
- What?
- Uh, it's just...
- What is?
- Nothing. You shut it.
- It's also the life insurance we wanna...
- Hey.
...uh, kill you for.
LISA: Mmm.
Diego.
- Well, it didn't help your case.
- I get half.
Five hundred thousand.
- I'm buying a new RV.
- Sorry, wait a minute. How much?
- Nice two-bedroom model.
- Hey, Victor. Listen to me.
- That policy is for three million!
- Let's all just shut up!
- Shut up, now. Keep it shut. Yeah.
- (grunting)
Fuck, I can't wait to get
rid of your nagging voice.
I'll never hear it again.
Give me the hammer.
(Lisa grunts)
Give me the hammer.
- Uh...
- (grunts)
- Hey. Stop it.
- Let her talk.
- I wanna hear her out.
- Can't we... Okay. You'll hear it.
- But I need... Give me the hammer.
- Just let her finish.
- Stop joking.
- Move, yeah?
- Give me the hammer.
- Move!
(muffled grunting)
Hey!
Careful.
(muffled) Fuck you.
(gasps)
The insurance is
worth three million.
Do you hear that?
You'll get half of mine.
- A million and a half, if you shoot him.
- LARS: Shut your mouth!
- Shoot him! Come on, do it.
- Shut it!
Two million if you blow
her head off right now.
- Lars, go die in a fucking hole.
- Now! Do it!
- You're gonna die!
- You get three million, everything,
- if you shoot him!
- And now she's lying.
- Look at her shitty lying.
- You lie all the time.
- I'm so fucking tired of you!
- You're a liar!
- (yells) Give me it! Now! Get off!
- (grunting)
(Lars yells)
(groans)
- LARS: Let go of the fucking shotgun!
- (Victor grunting)
(gun fires)
- Let go!
- I want half of it!
I said you're
getting everything!
Retarded idiot!
- LARS: Ow!
- (Victor screams)
LISA: Oh... No, no, no...
- No, no, no...
- Oh, my fucking God!
(groaning)
No! (screaming)
- Victor!
- How...
- LARS: Shit!
- How does it look?
- Not optimal, I'd say.
- Oh, my God...
- You shot his whole hand off.
- Can you please calm the fuck down?
- Calm down?
- Yeah, calm down!
- Do something!
- I'm trying to figure out what to do.
- But you won't shut your mouth!
- Take him to the hospital.
- Are you crazy?
- Before he bleeds to death!
- I have to run!
- He's losing blood!
- Hospital!
- Do something! You have to stop him!
(squelching cough)
(clock ticking)
(both gasp)
(Lisa whimpering)
Fuck.
- What the hell have you done?
- I, uh...
You said - you
said to stop... stop...
Stop the bleeding.
Stop the bleeding, Lars.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
(shudders)
Fuck it. What's another murder?
What? (gasps)
No, I don't think so.
- (yells)
- (gun clicks)
(gun clicking)
It's a two-barrel
shotgun, dumbfuck.
(yells)
(groans)
I'll have to reload, then.
(Lisa moaning)
(screeches)
(screams)
Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Aah!
- Fuck!
- (panting)
- Ow! Ow!
- (muttering) Come on...
(both yelling)
Come here! (roars)
- (high-pitched whining)
- (man screams)
- (thumping and creaking)
- (man yelling)
(thumping and yelling continue)
(all yelling)
(coughing)
["Mkkamann" by
DumDum Boys plays]
THREE DAYS EARLIER
Det er ikke min
seng og ikke mitt tak
S definitivt ikke min dag
Om to sekunder gr sikkert
En vennlig sjel
igang en sirkelsag
Jeg burde ikke vre her
For hvor jeg er
m gudene vite
Men akkurat n
hjelper guder lite
Jeg m bort vekk hjem - n
Mkkamann nok en gang
Mkkamann
At det gr an
Hvorfor alle er s happy
Gr over min forstand
- Og dessuten er det harry...
- Do you think they're still after us?
- No, they would've caught us by now.
- stirre i senk en slagen mann
Br sm flash av
ting man burde glemt
- Er jeg heldig...
- Roy, what are you doing?
Er det noe jeg har drmt...
- I'm hungry. Real hungry.
- Balanserer p kanten
- Snubler du trekker noen ned...
- Hey! Are you stupid?
We're hungry too, but we're not stopping
to eat berries that might be poisonous.
I need food.
- Mkkamann...
- I can't function hungry.
You can't function at all,
you fucking lump of meat.
- Atdet gr an...
- Come on.
- Nok en gang
- PETTER: Roy!
Mkkamann
At det gr an
- (music stops)
- Oh, fuck.
(birdsong)
(sighs)
- (thumping)
- (buzzing)
(Petter growls)
(alarm whoops once)
Det er ikke min
seng og ikke mitt tak
S definitivt ikke min dag
Om to sekunder gr sikkert
En vennlig sjel
igang en sirkelsag
Jeg gikk planken
jeg gir blanke
Jeg blir neppe lyst i bann
Men akkurat nr
du fler deg trygg
Bryter helvete ls igjen
Mkkamann
For n'te gang
Mkkamann
At det gr an
Mkkamann
Gang p gang
Mkkamann
Det er min sang
We'll stay here a few days till things
are quiet, then we'll push forward.
See if we can find a vehicle.
Looking like this?
The fuck kind of
clothes are these, huh?
I think they're quite
nice. Look at this sweater.
(car approaching)
Oh, no.
(car pulls up)
PETTER: Fuck.
DAVE: Is that...
Are they coming in here?
PETTER: Son of a bitch.
We'll get 'em. Let's crush 'em.
What if more are coming?
- We can't risk it.
- (door bangs)
(sighs)
(ladder thumping)
PETTER: Come here.
(ladder creaks and thumps)
LISA: Honey, I'm home!
(Petter chuckles)
Nice. Mmm.
ROY: Petter!
Should have taken the meatballs.
Those aren't the
balls I'm looking for.
If you know what I mean.
- Mmm.
- Of course I know what you mean.
You think you're discreet,
that you're subtle?
You're horny, okay? I get it.
Now shut up,
I'm trying to think.
- ROY: Petter!
- We can't use that ladder.
It's too noisy and
they'll hear us.
Petter! Please.
What the fuck is it now?
- My stomach hurts.
- You have an upset stomach?
(gurgling)
Why do you have an
upset stomach, you think?
(gasps)
Try to think, Roy. Why do you
think you have an upset stomach?
- Maybe... maybe it's, uh...
- Maybe it's, uh...
(stomach gurgling)
Maybe it's the berries.
Yeah, the berries. You think?
(stomach rumbling
and squelching)
I need the toilet.
What do you mean, the toilet?
I've gotta shit.
What the fuck you doing?
- Roy, God! You're not taking a shit here.
- No, no.
You're not taking a shit here! You're
not dropping a deuce in this attic.
Fuck!
- You better not.
- I'm not shitting in my pants!
- No, no!
- Pull up your pants! (growls)
I must preserve my dignity.
(farting and grunting)
- (liquid running)
- (groans)
(farting and groaning continue)
- (air hissing)
- (moans)
(splatting)
(sighs)
(groans)
- (sighs)
- Fuck you, Roy.
- (Roy sighs)
- Dignity?
(birdsong)
Oh, fuck.
(sighing[
Fuck.
Yeah... We're stuck
here for a while.
[all sigh)
Good God, what a stench.
(fly buzzing)
Dave.
- Dave?
- What?
We're just like that girl and
her family, who hid in the attic.
Huh?
Who wrote that book
you read in your cell.
Anne Frank?
We're hiding up here in the attic
just like rodents, you know? (chuckles)
You missed the part where she sat
down and took a shit all over the floor.
Can you be quiet? Shut up, okay?
(shotgun fires) (thumping)
(Lisa screams)
- Huh?
- (clattering and banging)
(Lars yelling)
ROY: What happened?
- (gun cocking)
- (Lisa screaming)
- (Lisa sighs)
- (Lars grunts)
They're killing each other.
(struggling continues)
Oh, my God.
- (gun fires)
- (screams)
- Sh, sh, sh! Shut the fuck up!
- (stamping)
- (yelling)
- (boards creaking)
Oh, shut the fuck up!
(all yelling)
(crashing)
(groaning)
(plaster falling)
(pacing)
(plate scraping)
(cans opening)
(pipes rumbling)
(Lisa groans)
(Lisa sighs)
(groans)
(grunts)
What's, uh...
What's... what's happening?
You know, this is steak!
Hmm. Mm-hm.
Hey, you're that lady, right?
From that commercial?
The one for the people
whose cocks aren't working?
It's you, right?
I told you!
Shit.
A star and all. (chuckles)
No wonder the steak is good.
- Mmm.
- DAVE: Mm.
What is it?
Tenderloin?
Hmm. It's New... New...
(coughs)
New York... New York strip.
- (Dave and Roy) Ooooh!
- (Dave chuckles)
(Dave laughing)
Who are you? Wh...
what are you doing here?
I'm Petter.
That's Dave.
And the lump of meat is Roy.
You shot my anus.
PETTER: According to your
driver's licenses, you're Lars.
And you're Lisa.
Of course, we should stay out
of your private affairs, but, uh...
it looks like you two hava a
little, uh... relationship problem.
And, considering that guy
there, one of you's also a killer.
It... it was him.
- He's the one who killed him.
- You told me to.
- That's not what I said.
- You shouted, "Stop him!"
- I told you to stop the blood.
- You didn't say, "Stop the bleeding."
- I'd have done it. You said, "Stop him."
- Yeah...
- I meant stop the blood. What else...
- Okay...
- What you meant... You didn't say!
- You're so fucking stupid.
- You're the dumb...
- Okay!
I don't give a fuck
about all that stuff.
It's a kick, huh?
- (chair creaks)
- Huh?
Killin' a man in cold blood.
You feel it, right? It's a rush.
Ooooh.
Me and the boys here have broken free
from state conservatorship, so to speak.
We hiked two days through the
woods before we found your cabin.
Thought we'd settle down here.
- (chuckles)
- Before you came barging in.
Do you have any
idea what it's like
to be stuck in that shallow
fucking attic of yours
for 24 hours, smelling
nothing but Nazi mess?
- LISA: Um...
- Okay. Come on, Petter. Enough talk.
So, our next order of
business is cash. (sighs)
We have a... Well,
a liquidity problem,
- I guess you could say.
- (sighs)
PETTER: We've searched through
all your wallets and pockets
and the luggage upstairs.
From that, we put
together a few hundred.
And we found a thousand in
the pockets of that dead guy,
so thanks for that one, Lars!
LISA: Mmm...
We have, uh... There's
2,000 kroner in the office.
In a ceramic bowl on the desk.
Take it.
Please, just leave us alone.
Please.
Thank you, Lisa.
That's kind.
Fuck! Enough talking.
What? Oh, my God!
Like I said, we've been
in prison for a while, and...
you probably know
that men have...
- (Lisa gasps)
- ...natural needs.
(gasps) Please. I beg you.
I'm begging you.
I'll do anything.
I'm begging you.
Anything you want,
but just not that.
You know, the balls get
fuller and fuller over the years.
- (Lisa sobs)
- (Petter sighs)
They must be emptied. The
gonads must be drained...
- (whimpering)
- ...before it goes to the brain,
before it curdles.
Okay?
(gasping)
Let's see if you're
satisfied now.
(chuckling) Oh...
(laughs) Shit.
You're an ice-cold
motherfucker, Lars.
- (Lisa whimpers)
- (Dave chuckles)
- (Dave sighs)
- (gasps)
(sobs)
Okay.
Go on, then, Queer Dave.
(Lisa gasps)
- No, no!
- DAVE: Come and help!
(gasping) No! No, no!
No, no, no, no! Help!
(grunting) No!
No! Let me go!
(Roy grunting)
No! (yelling)
No! No!
No! (yelling)
(thump)
(Lars yelling)
No, please!
Ah, no! No! I...
No!
- (Lars whimpers)
- DAVE: Hey. Hold on.
- Want a little tip, Lisa?
- LARS: No!
(groans) No!
Just relax.
(Lars groaning and grunting)
If you fight it...
- oh, a lot more pain.
- LARS: No!
(grunting) No!
No!
- No!
- ROY: Hey, hey.
(all laughing)
(Roy burbling)
- He's like a fish.
- Oh, God! Please!
Please.
(Petter chuckles)
- (sobs) Please. Please. I don't...
- (chair creaking)
- I haven't done anything.
- (all laughing)
(sobbing) Please.
I've seen a lot of men
beg in my life. Lars.
(whimpering)
You're gonna have to do a lot
better than that if you want a chance.
I mean, don't you
know who this is?
Huh?
This is Dave
"Horse Dick" Eriksen.
(groans)
I'll be honest, Lars. It's gonna
feel like two bodybuilders
are shoving a fire
hydrant up there.
- (Dave wheezes with laughter)
- I beg you. (sobs)
Really, really...
(crying)
Please...
Look... look...
look...
- Please. Enough.
- (Lisa sighs)
- LARS: I'm afraid.
- (sighs)
LARS: I...
(crying)
- Please.
- I think we need to help you a little.
Please, please, no.
- (Lars gasps)
- LISA: What... what...
- No!
- (Lisa gasps) What? What...
- (Lisa whimperng)
- (Lars panting)
No. You...
You can take everything I
have! Don't use that on me.
Don't. No, no,
no, please. Don't.
Don't do it.
- Don't...
- Come on, Lars.
If you really sell this now...
- Yeah?
- ...we might not let Dave loose on you.
- (Lars groans)
- (Peter chuckles)
Oh, God! Please!
- I don't want to, please! No!
- PETTER: Lars.
Calm down. Lars, Lars, Lars...
- Calm down.
- Oh, God Oh! (gasping)
- Fuck...
- PETTER: Sh...
- Focus, now. Focus.
- (whimpering)
Hey, wait a minute, Petter.
- I'm not done yet.
- Shh.
(Lars bellowing)
(wailing and groaning)
- (click)
- (Lars and Lisa scream)
- (Lisa sobbing)
- Oh!
(laughing)
(Dave chuckles)
PETTER: Oh, fuck!
- (whimpering)
- That was intense.
(crying)
Lars.
You're not done yet, you know.
(Lars panting)
You should kiss my
feet. Kiss my feet.
Come on. Kiss my feet, Lars.
(Lars sobbing)
Kiss...
Come, come. Come now.
Come here. Yeah, come here.
Come on.
No.
Use some tongue.
Use some tongue, Lars. Come on.
(whimpers)
There you go. Yeah.
That's a good boy, Lars.
(Lars sobbing)
That's a good boy.
(whimpering)
(Petter sighs)
Now, look up at your
wife. Look at Lisa.
(sobbing)
And tell her that
you're a little shit.
- Come on, Lars. Say it.
- (cries)
- Tell her you're a little shit.
- (Lars sobbing)
Come on, Lars. Tell her.
I'm a...
- (groans)
- Louder, Lars.
Louder!
I'm a little shit!
(Petter laughs)
- Isn't he? (laughs)
- LARS: I'm...
I'm a little shit. I'm...
(Patter and Dave laughing)
Yeah, this is starting
to look all right.
- (whimpering)
- PETTER: What do you say, Dave?
Ehhh... it's a little
amateurish to me.
- Hmm.
- (Lars sobs)
- Yeah, you think so?
- Mm-hm.
All right.
Yeah. It looks like you're
gettin' fucked anyway, Lars.
- (wails) No!
- Roy!
No, I don't want to! No!
No! No!
No, no! No! No!
(screams)
Oh, no! No!
LISA: Wait! Stop, stop! Stop!
Stop. Stop! Stop it.
I have...
a lot of money.
A large amount of money...
in the bank in the city
that I... that I put away.
(panting)
125,000.
We can go there tomorrow,
when the bank opens.
I'll take everything
out and give it to you.
Everything I have.
But not if you do what
you were gonna do to him.
Or to me.
You follow?
(Lisa panting)
(Petter sighs)
What about poor Roy over here?
He was looking
forward to having a...
short and stormy
relationship with you.
Of course, that kind of
money does help your case.
It can keep us out of trouble.
Mm-hm.
- Okay, it's a deal.
- (gasps)
Ah, fuckin' A.
No one touches him.
(yells)
- (sobs)
- (Petter sighs)
(gasping)
(retching)
PETTER: All right, Lars.
Looks like your wife
saved your ass. Literally.
(sighs)
(Lars sobbing)
(sighs)
(groans and sobs)
(crying loudly)
(pellet clinks)
Hey, uh... Petter?
Mm?
How many people have you killed?
(pellet clinks)
Why do you ask?
I'm just wondering how many people
you've really killed, because I've heard...
- Ow! Fuck!
- Lie still!
I just... I just heard you were
the worst bastard in there.
PETTER: Ah...
ROY: And I heard that, um...
Come on, now, what'd you hear?
ROY: That you robbed that bank.
And then you killed
your whole gang?
All three.
Because you didn't wanna
split the money, they said.
- (pellet clinks)
- (sighs) So that's what you heard?
(grunts)
- Mm-hm.
- PETTER: Yeah...
The headline's correct, but
the details are bullshit, obviously.
What does that mean?
(Petter grunts)
I got rid of those
guys, but it, uh...
wasn't for the cash.
I'm not a greedy boy, Roy.
- (sighs)
- ROY: Then...
Why did you kill them, then?
They had no value.
Look at you, for example,
right? You're here because...
your brother knew that
guy at the security company.
(pellets clink)
In our little escape plan,
that obviously had... value.
(applause on TV)
But, uh...
(unscrews bottle lid)
Do I have value now?
Ow! Fff...
Good as new.
And now you have value again.
Lars?
Lars?
Lars, can you hear me?
How the hell did we get here?
I don't just mean
here, I mean...
(sighs) I was so
in love with you.
When we got together...
I thought that we
would always be a team.
You and me.
I thought we would do all
that stuff we talked about.
That I could...
have such a
wonderful life with you.
(sighs) Then it's just...
Then it's just debts
and arguments and...
disappointing each other.
And everything turns awful.
(sniffles)
And then...
Diego.
(scoffs)
(sighs heavily) I'm so...
I'm so sorry for that.
(sighs) It didn't mean anything.
Hey...
- It really meant nothing.
- (sighs)
Fuck it. Just forget it.
It doesn't matter, anyway.
We'll both be dead soon.
(man 1) Can you name for me some
of Parliament's most important tasks?
Pass laws, pass the state budget
and watch over the government.
(woman) Tell us.
- Go ahead and tell us the answer.
- Pass laws. Pass the state budget.
And control the government.
(laughs)
(man) You almost
said it earlier.
- (woman) Yeah.
- (man 1) What's the budget called
that estimates the
state's income and bills?
- The state budget.
- (man 2) State budget.
(man 1) Exactly right.
Damn, you're smart.
You should be a professor.
Professor?
I could have been prime
minister, if born in the right zip code.
(Lars sighs)
- (laughter on TV)
- LARS: Hello?
(man 1) Next question is...
Sh.
- (switches TV off)
- LARS: Somebody!
Hello?
- Lars... What are you doing?
- Can someone come down?
Lars! Shut up!
What are you doing?
- Can someone come down here?
- Lars! Shut up! Shut up!
Lars!
What are you doing?
Lars!
Lars!
Lars.
LISA: What the
fuck are you doing?
- Roy. Go on down.
- (Lars yells)
(thumping)
LARS: Please come
down! Come down now!
(banging and clattering)
I need the toilet.
Piss your pants.
Um... It's, um... a number two.
The guy's gotta take a shit!
So let him take a shit.
(switches TV on)
(laughter on TV)
(Roy sighs)
You're not gonna
do something, right?
- No.
- No.
(cuts rope)
(Lars grunting)
(door creaking)
ROY: Hey, wait.
I'm just gonna see if you
have anything you might...
surprise little Roy with.
- (water running)
- Hm.
(door closes)
(banging)
You know what... you
know what this means?
Look!
It means I don't
like folks like you.
- Okay.
- Hm.
Just give us that money.
The money is why Petter
says I can't molest you.
- Yeah, exactly.
- Mm-hm.
But I was thinking...
if you can just show
your boobies to me, then...
You know, titties...
Then I can jerk it a little.
Mm... I don't know/
I don't...
think so.
I'll talk to Petter about it.
- Yeah. I'll talk to Petter about it.
- (toilet flushes)
(yells)
(Roy grunts)
Lars!
Can you untie me?
Lars!
Lars!
Lars! Lars!
(stairs creaking)
(gasps)
(panting)
(gasps)
(laughter on TV)
(man 1) Come back, dear!
Roy! How's it going down there?
(stairs creaking)
PETTER: Roy! What's the deal?
Fuck. He's as
deaf as he is stupid.
(sighs)
(man 1) ...all the
way to the final...
Roy!
(man 1) All right,
baby! Are you...
(sighs) Fuck's sake.
Roy! What the fuck's going on?
Roy!
Roy!
- Roy?
- (Roy groans)
- (groans)
- PETTER: What happened?
He hit me with a...
- He hit me with his sock.
- Sock?
Fuck.
Fuck!
They can't have gotten far.
Come on, then.
Okay. Roy, take the road.
- Uh.
- Dave, with me.
(Roy whistles)
Damn!
(spits)
(grunts)
Fuck... (panting)
Come on, come on!
Fuck!
A-ha!
- Bingo!
- What you got there?
Nothing.
Give it here.
Come here.
Come here.
Boat keys.
That's smart.
You would have made it too,
if my flashlight hadn't broke.
You... still need me alive.
- For the cash.
- The money doesn't matter now.
Your man hit me in the head.
So the rules say
you've gotta die.
What fucking rules, huh? Huh?
Hey... Wait, wait,
wait. Please, I beg you!
Do you know how many
whores I've heard tell me that?
Move away from the fridge. I don't want
to shoot it of there's still beer inside.
(stair creaks)
So, I've...
I thought some more.
About what you
said in the basement.
That you wanna take off my top.
To see your tits.
Yeah.
Uh... Roy.
It was Roy, right? I mean...
I couldn't say it down
there, near the others, but...
I mean, especially not in
front of my husband, but...
I think I want you, too.
I was thinking that I might...
come with you after
we go to the bank.
I could be, uh...
with you. (laughs)
I know we don't know
each other that well, but...
I think that the
two of us could...
I think that on the road, we
could have... fun together.
I mean, a lot of fun. If
you get what I'm saying.
(floor creaks softly)
- I don't know if I know what...
- Oh, I think you understand.
I see it in your eyes.
I can see that you want to.
- But...
- What? But what?
- But you're a, uh...
- What am I?
What am I, Roy?
- You're a Jew...
- (rattling)
(both yell)
(gunshot)
(Petter sighs)
- (Roy roaring)
- (Lars groaning)
(all grunting)
- ROY: No!
- (groans)
(screams) Come on, stop!
- (groans)
- (screams)
(growling)
(coughing and gasping)
(screams)
(both yelling)
(screams)
- Fucking...
- (choking)
- (cracking)
- (groans)
(growling)
(Lisa gasping)
(Lars yells)
Lisa!
Lisa!
Lisa!
(screams)
(thump)
(gasps)
- (squelching)
- (gasps)
(Lars gasping)
(Lisa sighs)
No.
No, no, no, no.
(crying)
Why?
Why did this have to happen?
What the hell did Roy
ever do to anyone, huh?
Lars. Lars! Come here. Here!
(thump upstairs)
Come on.
Come on.
(Lisa gasps)
I know how we
ended up like this.
It wasn't your fault.
It's my fault.
Only mine.
(creaking)
When you tell me that...
that I gave up, you're right.
I gave up.
And I blamed
everyone else for it.
You. Work. That fucking debt.
Somehow, I became
okay with it all falling apart.
(sighs)
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
(floorboards creaking)
(both gasp)
- They're coming. They're coming.
- Sh,
They're coming! Shhh!
(floorboards creaking)
(gasping)
Shh.
Take the boat.
- What about you?
- I'll come after.
Lisa.
In the kitchen with Roy?
That was the best goddam
performance I've ever seen.
- (yells)
- (Pettter grunts)
Fuck.
Oh! Fuck!
Come on, Lisa. Lisa!
(Petter roaring)
(yells)
Aaaah!
(yells)
- (yells)
- (gasps)
Oh! (yells)
- Just hold that fucking whore for me.
- (Lisa gasps)
(roars)
I just tried to be nice, Lars.
- Keep on good terms.
- (whimpering)
(sighs) Stupid, stupid me.
- What... (choking)
- (growls)
You live and you
learn, you know, Lars.
- No! No!
- Stay still. Stay still.
And you're gonna see what happens
when you mess with Petter Larsen!
(spluttering) Oh!
I've killed people many
different ways, Lars.
- (Petter grunts)
- (engine starts)
Oh, fuck!
I've shot them,
strangled them and...
LISA: No, no!
...I've burnt them, I've stabbed
them, I've beaten them to a pulp...
Stop! No! (sobbing)
- Oh, God!
- PETTER: In '92,
I cut a man's head
off with a bottle opener.
But I have never put someone's
head into a lawn mower.
So thanks for that!
- (Lars yells)
- (Petter grunting)
- Oh! Oh, my God!
- (growling)
Let him go! Let him go!
(screams)
(grunting)
(horn blaring)
(groans)
What in the halls of hell
are you doing out here?
SIX HOURS EARLIER
(coughing)
(crickets chirping)
(clock ticking)
(buzzing)
(ringing tone)
(buzzing)
Oh, for the love of God,
what the fuck do you...
(grunts)
- (sighs) Hello?
- Hello.
Hello, yeah. It's Hans.
Hans out by the fjord.
Hans?
I'm sorry for calling a
strapping young man like you
- so late this evening.
- (yawns)
But I was out driving my car, you
see. I was going to, uh... the pharmacy.
You know, I need my medicine,
and I wasn't sure I had any at home,
but anyway, there it was.
- Uh...
- (groans)
Sometimes, the pharmacy's
open late these days.
So I thought I oughta
get some more,
in case I was all out of
the stuff I have at home.
And so, I got some
more, but then I got home
and saw that I already had some
here, anyway, so that, you know...
- That... Well, that's all.
- Hans, Hans!
Hans, why are you
calling my cellphone
in the middle of the
goddamn fuckin' night?
Well, uh, like I said...
- (groans)
- ...I drove past your cabin.
Did I mention that?
Uh, and the light was on...
- It was on in the house.
- That's because my son is there.
And there were a lot of cars
parked all around the front.
On the outside. Also, also
the main door was wide open...
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Uh...
(sighs) Did you go check on him?
No, because you never know!
It could be a break-in
or something...
- Something dangerous.
- Yeah. Uh,Hans, Hans, that's great.
Thank you for giving me
this call, okay? Good night.
- (dialing tone)
- Yeah. No problem at all. Good night.
- (sighs)
- (ringing tone)
Hi, this is Lars. I'm probably
on set, so leave a message,
- and I'll get back to you after we...
- (sighs)
Jeg vil ha fri, shu-bi-dua,
shu-bi-dua Jeg vil ha fri
- Shu-bi-dua
- Fucking asshole kid.
Jeg vil ha fri
Shu-bi-dua, shu-bi-dua
Jeg vil ha fri,
shu-bi-dua, shu-bi-dua
Goddamn piece
of shit old man legs!
(sighs)
Ahmed, my dear friend.
So, I've got a little problem.
- You know my house by the lake.
- Mikkel, get back to bed.
- And you know my name isAbid.
- Listen.
They're breaking windows
down there. His phone is off.
- I've got to go to my...
- To your bed. We can talk about it later.
Take that bed and
shove it up your ass!
- I don't have time for this!
- Okay. That's enough.
Whoo!
(grunts)
(alarm chirps)
Gi meg fri i kveld
A goddamn homo-mobile.
Oh, sitter her p trappa
Venter p a' Martha
Venter p a' Martha
Venter p a' Martha
Sitter her p trappa
Venter p a' Martha
Venter p a' Martha...
- (chiming)
- Samme gamle leksa
- Hu har glmt att veska
- A goddamn spaceship shitbox.
Ooh
- Ooh, je blir fort fortvile'
- (chiming)
Itte lett smile
- (groans) You goddamn gas-suckin' whore.
- N fr a' jammen komma
Kaster meg i
Glomma, ooh, ooh
Whoo!
Hey. Fatty!
- Hey, come help me out.
- Gi meg fri i kveld
Fuckin' long-haired,
Green-votin', draft-dodgin',
grass-smokin', tree-fuckin'...
Whoo!
What in the fuck...
Fuck!
(gasps) Mikkel!
- (lawnmower running)
- Papa?
- My cabin! Fuck...
- (whimpers)
Hey! Don't come closer.
One more step, and I'll cut.
You're feelin' tough for...
a guy with no gun.
- (screams)
- (gasps)
Cut that, you little fucker.
Papa!
(gasps)
You're gonna watch
me while I kill your son
and fuck your daughter-in-law
while you bleed.
Papa!
(roars)
- Papa, no!
- Get in the car!
Oh, my nose...
(spits) What nose?
- (groans)
(laughs)
DAVE: Fuck!
(groans)
It's fucked. (moans)
They fucked it.
(yells)
(Lars groans and coughs)
- Lisa?
- Hm?
Get down to the
boat and get it ready.
What?
- Don't go back.
- There's somethin' I gotta do.
No. Mm.
I have to.
- Hey. Stop whining.
- (groaning)
- Hey. Look at me. I said, look at me!
- (crunch)
- (wails)
- Look at me.
Go inside, and
bandage that wound.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
I'll take care of them.
- (whimpers)
- Okay?
(yells) Uh-huh...
(groans)
Fucker!
(panting)
Okay. Come on.
- Come on. Oh, come on.
- (squeaking)
- (engine catches)
- Come on, yeah.
(gasping)
Damn it.
(screams)
(yells) Fuck, fuck,
fuck! Come on!
(beeping)
Fuck.
(groaning)
(groans and gags)
(retches)
(screams)
(screams)
(coughing)
(sighs)
(groans)
(grunting)
(grunts) No more pain.
(grunts) No more pain.
- (crunch)
- (screams)
Okay... (panting)
- (sloshing)
- Uh...
- (crunch)
- (yelps)
Going fishing?
- (screams)
- (yells)
(growls
[yells)
(gasping)
No gun in a nursing home.
(whimpers)
What do you want from me?
Why not just take the
boat and get away?
Because, you
fucking Swedish cunt...
I still need that money.
You're getting it for me.
(yells)
Okay, okay.
Listen, I got people who
owe me money. Big time.
(panting)
(gasps and groans)
Don't do it, please.
Please.
(whimpering)
No. Oh, please. No, not my dick.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
(groans)
Dave "Horse Dick"
Eriksen, was it?
I didn't mean it, okay? I
really wasn't gonna do it.
It was just... It
was all just a joke.
I swear.
That's a nice sweater.
Huh?
- (gun fires)
- (Dave screams)
(sighing)
(chuckles)
(sighs)
Oh.
Lars?
How are you? (coughs)
How are you doing?
I'm good, Papa.
I just... just shotgunned
the guy in the balls, so...
I'm proud of you.
That's my boy.
(birdsong)
(sighs)
You were right.
It is nicer to see
the sun rise than...
...see it set.
(engine starts)
Adis, Dave!
(yells)
Are you really gonna leave
your partner behind like that?
There are no real
friends in my world, Lisa.
Either you have
value, or you don't.
And Dave definitely
has no value now.
Why are you so
preoccupied wirh Dave?
He was gonna make mincemeat
out of your husband's ass.
(gasps)
That scene down
in the basement...
Your husband laying there, begging like
a little girl and drooling on my shoes.
Where do you think he is now?
Hiding in the woods
like a little shit...
(yelling)
Come on, you fucker! (yells)
(screaming)
(hissing)
(men grunting)
What the hell got you
thinking you can fucking fight?
(gun cocks)
Adis, Petter.
(laughing)
What the fuck? That's the
stupidest shit I've ever seen!
(chuckling)
(yells)
(yelling)
(engine spluttering)
- (continues yelling)
- (crunching)
(bellowing)
And now you're
gonna fucking die,
you little good-for-nothin'
piece of shit rat.
(choking)
(growling)
(Lisa yells)
Sorry, but you
have no value now.
(yelling)
(gurgling)
(sighs)
- (yelps)
- (Lisa gasps)
(yells)
(whimpers)
(yells)
- (groans)
- (yells)
(both gasping)
(birdsong)
(footsteps)
(groans)
(sighs)
Police are an hour out.
- Hey.
- Hmm?
When we were down
in that basement...
Those billiard
balls, how did you...
(gasps)
(whimpers)
At least we're both alive.
We're still underwater,
just like before.
No money. Too much debt.
We're still fucked, Lisa.
["Kontroll p kontinentet"
by Kaizers Orchestra plays]
- Huh. Yeah...
- Hmm?
How about, uh...
Den skal vr mann
Som kan g med min hatt
Den skal vr kald
som tar ve mi makt...
THREE HOURS AND
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
For g med mine sko
Men han m ha
sin egen pistol
For du vett kva som
str i testamentet
Oh, du vett kva som
str I testamentet
At den som tar hnd
om min Constanze
Fr min hatt, fr mine
sko Fr mitt extravanganza
Ta kontroll p kontinentet
Oh, ta kontroll
p kontinentet
All right, ta kontroll
p kontinentet
All right, ta kontroll Ta
kontroll, ta kontroll p kontinentet
SURVIVED TERROR ON CABIN TRIP
FIVE DEAD IN CABIN MASSACRE
ESCAPED MURDERERS
KILLED BY MARRIED COUPLE
(woman) What can you tell us?
Og eg ber om
bli godt parfymert
Eg skal lukte godt Nr
eg frst skal g ner...
What do you think made it so
that the two of you survived?
I think... Well, I think that...
our love, and how strong it is
let us survive, yeah.
(applause)
And now, your story is being
turned into a feature film.
Ta kontroll p
kontinentet...
Yeah, that's right.
It's gonna be a film.
(applause)
BIDDING WAR FOR SCRIPT RIGHTS
STORY SOLD FOR MILLIONS
MAKING MOVIE WITH
HOLLYWOOD STARS
(creaking)
(man) Yeah...
We're gonna have some fun now.
Hell, yeah, we are.
(men laughing)
Aaah! Queer Dave.
Eg ser det for meg
Det kryper imot meg...
- Take it away.
Ser det for meg,
ser det for meg
Ser det for meg...
- Like hell you are.
h, mi sster, ah, mi sster
N vett eg kven
som er tyster
h, mi sster, ah, mi sster
Eg hrte alt du
sa ved mi kiste
Oh, Fader Martin,
oh, Fader Martin
Eg syns dette begynner
lukte bensin
- (man)Cut!
Og mi Costanze Og
min Constanze ta min hatt
- Ta mine sko, ta mitt extravaganza
- All right, thanks.
- On set in five.
- Ta kontroll p kontinentet
Thank you so much, everybody.
Ta kontroll p
kontinentet, all right
That was exactly what happened.
All right, ta kontroll, ta kontroll
Ta knotroll p kontinentet
Whoa-ah-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
Whoa-ah-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
Whoa-ah-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
["S som s" by
DumDum Boys plays]
(man) Can I trust you?
(woman) Of course you
can trust me, my dear Kjetil.
Because if I can, I might...
I might get out of this place
where I'm so angry,
suspicious, and desperate.
I just wish we'd talked
about all this before.
I've been so suspicious that I...
that I went through your phone.
Huh?
You're right, though.
It's not my fault.
I saw all those text
messages you sent to Daniel.
I saw everything you
said to each other.
- Kjetil...
- I saw the things that you two have done.
- How could you go through my phone?
- No, it's good.
Because now I
know. I know all of it.
Now I'm fully aware that you're
just a lying, cheating whore.
- That's what you are.
- All of it?
You don't know all of it.
Okay, no? Then what else?
I'm pregnant.
- What?
- I'm pregnant.
We're having a kid?
Not us.
Daniel and I...
are pregnant.
Yeah. That's right.
I'm pregnant, and the father
is your dead brother's son.
(dramatic music plays)
(groans)
(sighs)
(sighs)
(man) And... cut!
Ah! Phew.
Ah! I think that was a good one.
Yeah, thanks, that's done.
Beautiful work, guys. Thanks.
- KJETIL: Lars?
- Yeah?
Do we need to, you
know, go again, or...
No, it's good. Thanks,
yeah. It's great. Thanks. Gold.
Gold.
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
That scene earlier was great.
- Think so?
- Mm-hm.
- Oh, I'm so glad to hear that.
- Yeah. It was great.
Hey, I had a thought
for the next scene...
We're going to the
cabin this weekend.
Hmm?
I mean, me and Lisa are going.
- How are things with Lisa?
- Oh, good.
It's, uh... Lisa's Lisa. But
I'm good, and she's good.
- That's what matters.
- That's really good.
Yeah. Last time it wasn't, so...
Yeah, it's been up and
down, but we're good now.
Hmm.
- Tell her I said hi.
- Mm.
But I hope that we can talk a little
about the scene we're about to do...
Lisa said, this weekend,
she's going, um... hiking.
- Mm-hm?
- She's gonna head up to the mountains.
All alone.
So I said to her, "It's
dangerous, yeah?"
Dangerous?
- (horns blare)
- LARS: See you tomorrow at twelve.
- On the dot.
- (man on phone) Yeah.
- LARS: Yeah, don't be late, okay?
- (man) Okay.
- You got all the equipment?
- Yeah. All good.
- Okay. Perfect. Thank you.
- But... Hey.
- Are we, uh... taking the boat out?
- Huh?
While we're there?
No, we're not taking the boat out.
What the hell are you talking about?
No! No boat. You forget
why we're going there?
TYEN "SENI-WHORE" CENTER
(man) How are things with Lisa?
Lisa's Lisa.
- Mm-hm.
- She's good.
We're headed to the summerhouse
for a little R and R. A break.
- (chuckles) A break from what?
- Don't start, Dad.
When's this TV shit gonna end, huh?
You're not gonna be the next Hitchcock.
- When will you get...
- Areal job, like you had?
Look where it got
you. Well done.
I drove that bus to
provide for my family.
For you and your mother. Oh,
and I built that summerhouse.
Lisa's...
She's decided to go
hiking in the mountains.
Planning this whole walk
into the... the mountains,
- all alone.
- (laughs)
You know, it's dangerous.
There's snow and ice. I've
told her to be careful there.
Dangerous.
I loved that house.
(laughs)
A beer, a hammock.
Looking out on the lake.
Hear the wind in the trees. Huh?
LARS: Yeah.
- I designed it myself, did you know?
- Really?
Yeah. The architect wanted
to turn the cabin around, right?
I said to him, "It's much
nicer to see the sun come up,
- that..."
- Than to see it go down?
- Yeah, because it gives you hope.
- Mm-hm.
You know, that's the problem
with your whole generation.
All you fuckers,
nothing is ever enough.
What good a war would have
done you. All you sorry fuckers.
So war is good?
- Certainly made me a man.
- Uh-huh?
A man isn't something
born. Men are made.
They're something forged,
something hardened.
By pain. Great suffering.
And by blood.
Jesus Christ.
Fuck. I should have
kicked the bucket there.
I shouldn't be sitting here.
I can't die like this.
Not here. Not like this.
(register bleeping)
(horn blares)
- Oh, hey!
- Hey, Lars.
- Doing good?
- Yeah.
That's good.
- Happy hunting!
- Huh?
Hey! Ready for the cabin?
Yeah.
You park so damn
close to this fence.
Ngen lige ligga i teten
Andre lige sannheten
Ngen lige bare leken
De lar andre ta styten
De har ftt det som de ville
For det har
skjedd i det stille
Men etter solskinn
kommer regnvr
O store dessverre
O dessverre
Nr regnet blir hardt
D ser me s klart
Nr regnet blir hardt
Settes hardt i mot hardt
For nr regnet blir hardt
S kommer harmen
S kommer varmen
(music stops)
(alarm chimes)
What are you doing? Huh?
- Oh, hm.
- Oh, it was on sale.
- I wasn't worried.
- Oh, I know you weren't.
No, I wasn't.
No, I know we can't afford to buy
nice wine. That's why I don't do it, okay?
(alarm stops)
Can we just forget about all
of this and just relax, okay?
- Okay.
- Mm-hm. Thanks.
Is that the new play
- you're auditioning for?
- Mm-hm.
- Any good?
- It's okay.
Ah, you'll get the role.
I'm not so sure..
The director is
supposed to be a...
pretentious bastard.
- That's the whole point of our job.
- Mm-hm.
(chuckles)
But this guy's a
theater director.
- What are you saying?
- Nothing, nothing.
Because I direct TV, right?
When you direct TV.
I am directing TV, though.
- And I got home early.
- A soap opera, right?
Oh, yeah? And when was
your last job, then, Meryl?
"Side effects can include
drowsiness, dizziness, diarrhea
- and thoughts of suicide."
- Don't talk like the crap you do's better.
That crap I do pays our
credit card bills, in fact.
- I am so tired of arguing with you!
- So then don't!
When we get there, I'm
gonna lie in the hammock
- and not move for the whole weekend.
- That's great.
Learn this part, and
drink some wine...
Only reason I will ever
move is to go to the fridge.
Or to go watch some TV.
I wasn't trying to say he's
better than you, he's not.
He's just different. You're...
You're an amazing director.
Uh-huh. We both know
that's some bullshit.
(both laughing)
(birdsong)
(Lars sighs)
- (bleep)
- What the fuck?
What is it?
- (bleep)
- Doesn't fucking work.
LISA: Honey, I'm home!
(sighs)
Home, sweet home. (chuckles)
Jeg vil fortelle hva som hendte
P et sted, helt innerst i en fjord
Der bodde tusen frelste Pluss
en tenring, og hennes unge mor
Vel, da skolen var slutt en sommerdag
Kom datteren lpende som gal
Og hun sa, "Mamma, her er brev
til deg Fra tilsynet for hg moral"
Oh, i brevet sto "Fru Johnsen De
fostrer drlig dotter Dykkar sjlv"
"De har altfor korte skjrt Og
det seiast at de stundom drikker l"
"De m kome p eit mte Det
er no ikveld, i Bedehusets sal
(clank)
"Vi m ta dotter Dykkar fr Dykk
Helsing Tilsynet for hg moral"
Klokken syv den samme
kvelden Startet mtet
Og med ett s smalt en dr
BASIL
Og like inn i salen kom Fru
Johnsen Kledd i miniskjrt som aldri fr
Frst da hun ndde prekestolen
Snudde hun, og s ut p den fulle sal
Og sa, "Jeg har litt si til
Dere Voktere av stedets moral"
LARS: Have you seen
my wool sweater?
LISA: Which one?
The one I'm always
wearing when I'm here.
The one I like, with the stripes,
you know, that I wear when I'm here.
It's not in the closet?
I looked there, obviously.
LISA: No, haven't seen it.
Hey, you can't... It's important
that they're not too thick.
That they're not that thick.
Make them thinner, okay?
Okay.
Hey, don't, don't.
Don't turn it down now!
But it's way too hot. Look
at that. You'll burn them.
No. The butter's supposed
to be like that. Crackling.
- Oh, come on, can't you just...
- Hey!
- ...put them in the pan?
- Aah!
- (sizzling)
- (Lisa sighs)
Okay.
LARS: What do you think?
LISA: It's good.
LARS: I got Arvid
to cut them for me.
They don't have New York strip at
the store, so I had to draw it for him.
- You drew the steak for him?
- Mm-hm.
What's up?
I think it's... fascinating how
much time you can spend on...
On us having a nice
meal and a nice night?
Of course. I'll do that.
When's your audition, huh?
On Tuesday.
If you're ready? All good?
There's a lot I've got
to memorize, but...
- Well, what a great place to do it.
- Mm-hm.
That, um... other thing?
- What other thing?
- That, uh... that, um...
That thing, um... that
thing you're writing.
You and that guy
from your acting class.
- What's his name?
- Diego.
- What's his name?Diego?
- Mm-hm.
Mmm.
So, how's that?
It's going well.
I think it'll work.
Great.
Is it rough?
Is it hard?
Mm-hm.
(chuckles)
It's good to write
your own material.
Smart.
LARS: Okay.
That's one, two, three...
four, five, six, seven...
eight, and nine.
(Lisa chuckles)
Gurka. Cucumber.
Triple score, bitch.
- 54 points.
- Like fuck it is.
- What?
- You can't use a Swedish word.
It's "agurk" in
Norwegian. A-G-U-R-K.
- How come Swedish isn't allowed now?
- It's the Norwegian edition of the game.
If Swedish was allowed, it'd
be a Swedish box and rules.
- Well, I'm doing it. They're my points.
- Then you lose.
- (scoffs) Are you serious?
- Of course I'm serious.
(sighs)
- Okay. I'm over it.
- Well, then it's "agurk".
12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17,
18... 18 points. "Agurk".
(yawns)
You tired?
You get tired when
you lose, huh?
Go upstairs, I'll clean up.
Good night.
Are we going to continue playing
tomorrow, or do you give up?
- You're really far behind, you know.
- (chuckles)
We'll play tomorrow.
Night, then.
(owl hooting)
(birdsong)
(sighs)
(sighs)
(clanking)
Come on, now. Come on.
Come on. (clears throat)
LISA: Lars?
- Yeah?
- Can you come over here?
I can come, yeah. I'm coming.
(sighs)
What's wrong?
LISA: I need some help in here.
- (Lisa yells)
- (Lars groans)
(coughs)
(gasps)
(groans)
(sighs)
What were you doing with this?
- The hammer?
- Mm-hm.
I was... gonna fix the roof.
Those roof things. You know?
(laughs) Roof things?
- Mm-hm.
- Ah!
The shingles?
- Yeah. The shingles.
- Uh-huh. Uh, yeah, yeah.
And this one?
- What are you doing?
- What were they for, huh?
What about the rocks in the
boat? What were they for?
(sighs)
I saw what you were doing
by the edge of the forest.
What are you talking about?
Why'd you zap me with a Taser?
(banging)
Ah, fuck.
Lisa, stop it. Come on! Hey!
Stop it.
If I was to guess, I'd say you
were going to take the hammer,
hit me on the head, tie me
up, take me out in the boat
and sink me in the
lake with those rocks.
- (gasps)
- Warmer?
The thing that I...
don't understand is, um...
what was the saw for?
Hmm?
Bodies float. So I was
going to cut you into pieces.
(laughing) What?
(laughing loudly)
No! What? Lars!
You were gonna... you
were gonna dissect me?
- (laughing)
- Mm-hm.
You? You can't
even hold a raw steak.
(laughing)
(mimics whining)
(laughing)
But, I mean, what...
What were you thinking?
What were you
going to tell people?
That Lisa just went for a walk,
that she never came home?
No... No! (laughing)
Are you kidding me?
That was your plan?
(laughing) Oh!
Oh! You're so fucking stupid.
(laughing) Oh!
But hey... What I really...
really, really want
to know, is what for.
What kind of idiotic motive
do you have to murder me?
Let's start off with you being a
lying bitch and a two-timing whore.
Hmm.
- When'd you realize?
- When I got home one evening.
You were rehearsing with
that classmate of yours.
And I saw it wasn't
lines he was feeding you.
So you were going to beat me to
death with a hammer and cut me up
because of Diego?
Because I'm screwing
someone else?
Okay, but take a
second and think.
Think hard. I know
it's difficult for you,
there's not much going
on up there, but try.
When's the last
time we fucked? Hm?
Hm?
When's the last time you satisfied me,
Mr. "Two humps and I'm going to sleep"?
Fucking whore.
I can't say that I'm surprised.
An idiotic motive, an
idiotic plan, an idiotic man.
My plan, however...
Phew.
It's on a whole other level.
What was your plan, then?
Not was.
Is.
Hunting?
ONE DAY EARLIER
- Yeah.
- You?
You know I hate guns.
But he was like, "Come on, Lisa.
It's something we can do as a couple."
- But you can't even shoot, right?
- No, but Lars can.
- So it can't be too tricky, huh?
- Excuse me, Ms. Lisa?
I'm done with the
leaves, so I'm heading out.
Oh, thanks, Victor. I'll
send you the money.
Thank you so much.
- See you later.
- See you soon.
Really soon.
(laughs)
(chuckles) He does
some odd jobs for us,
of the easier sort.
I can't get over
your hair. It's...
- Yeah.
- You went blonde.
Yeah, it was for a role.
- An audition.
- So, did you book it?
No.
- (chuckles) No.
- (children shouting)
Your time will come.
You only need one good
role. That's what Lars says.
Yeah.
That's what he says.
(horn blares)
- Happy hunting.
- Huh?
We're hunting in the forest. I
didn't really want to come, but...
you convinced me.
I hate the thought of
guns. Everyone knows it.
So... I'm walking
behind you, and I...
I stumble.
And boom...
"No!"
"No! Oh, my God!"
"What a tragic
accident. So awful."
(chuckles) Okay.
I get it.
- What?
- No, it's just that
this is where your
plan falls apart.
- How so?
- Because, Lisa...
Because you're a terrible,
awful, horrible actor.
You can't even act your
way out of a speeding ticket.
You can't even fake
an orgasm, can you?
All that screaming and
godawful groaning you keep doin'?
I'm sure even Diego,
as stupid, stupid as he is,
even he knows you're just lying.
Think of five years ago.
When I said to follow your
dreams and move to Norway?
I was lying... through my teeth.
- Fuck you.
- Fuck you!
You swallowed that whole fuckin' line,
didn't you? You believed me entirely!
And you know why?
It's because I am so much
better of an actor than you.
- Nah.
- Yeah, I am.
You're a fucking bitter,
useless, fourth-rate director.
Think of that movie you were gonna
do. Of course you were gonna fuck it up...
- The deal fell apart!
- So you just give up, then?
At least I had something to give up
on, Ms. "Side effects can include..."
Just stop and look at that
stupid blonde hair of yours.
Do you think you'll get
more roles with that?
What's next for you, huh? Botox?
Or silicone?
- Actually, that might be for the best...
- Hey, fuck you!
- Yeah, fuck you.
- As if you're so much better.
- I am.
- Remember that...
What's was her name?
That dumb actress. Danielle!
- Who said the director told her...
- Oh, my God!
- Are you starting this again?
- Told her to take off her top
- so he could get a look at her breasts.
- That was some "Me Too" bullshit, okay?
First of all, she was
auditioning for a stripper,
- I needed to see if she was comfortable...
- You needed to see if...
- (groans)
- You're so creepy. Creepy and boring!
Every time I listen
to your advice,
- it goes to hell.
- Hm.
You were the one who told
me to move to Norway for work.
- I was lying, you talentless fucking tit!
- Enough!
Now, we're gonna get dressed and
go for a long, long walk in the forest,
that ends up with me blowing
your head off your neck.
I'm good, thanks.
Hm.
- You're good?
- Yeah.
(yells)
(groans) You cunt!
Ow!
- You're so fucking pathetic.
- (groaning)
If you don't do what I tell you,
I'll take your little hammer
and shove it up your ass.
Nothing is going
into my ass today.
Absolutely nothing.
- You're sure about it?
- Oh, yeah. I'm sure about it.
(man yells)
(sighs)
What the hell took you so long?
(screaming)
FIVE DAYS EARLIER
(music thumping)
Want some?
No, I'm all right. I'm
not five years old.
Why are we meeting here?
I thought it would be less
suspicious, you know?
It's like how secret
agents would meet.
Okay. Two adults,
alone at a carnival?
Or two secret agents
who are also pedophiles?
You're the one who needs me.
Yeah, 'cause there's one
thing I won't... can't do.
Yeah, and I don't get it. That's
the easy part, I mean, after it's over.
- It's like cleaning a reindeer.
- Good. We're playing to our strengths.
But, um... I was wondering
about my compensation.
The compensation?
What do you mean?
Her policy is for a million. You
get 500,000 and we move on.
I want it in writing.
You want it In writing?
You want a contract?
A written document detailing how we're
going to murder and and dismember my wife?
That's what you want?
- Yeah.
- Ever heard of evidence?
Ever heard of "moron" before?
- I just want to be professional.
- Be there at 12.
On the dot. Oh, and thanks so
much for finding time in your schedule.
Goddamn snob.
Like I don't have a
schedule. Of course...
Of course I have a schedule.
(screaming)
(whimpers)
- Morning.
- (gasps)
Her face looks weird.
I think that's pretty common when
someone smashes your head in with a shovel.
- (grunting)
- Ah...
Sit down.
(gasps)
(sighs)
What?
What the fuck? Lars.
- Fuck, are you serious?
- What?
You really dragged
Victor into this?
Hey. Hey, Ms. Lisa.
I mean, Victor? Stupid Victor.
- Idiot Victor...
- Hey!
- What?
- Don't call me that.
Aah.
(sighs)
So the thinking is...
that Victor is going to kill me.
No.
It's not like that. Since
Lars thinks it's gross,
we said that I
would do the cleanup
- if he does the...
- Hello.
- My job is to cut you to pieces.
- Hey, let's just shut up.
LISA: Ah. Of course
you can't do it yourself.
You fucking chickenshit.
- Shut your mouth! Both of you, stop!
- You're a pathetic fool.
Just stop. It's my turn.
You're going to answer me, Lisa.
What the hell kind of
reason can you have
to kill me?
I'm ready for it.
You mean apart from
being a pathetic waste of life?
(sniffs)
Yeah, apart from that. Mm.
You're an irresponsible
gambling addict
who buried our entire
lives under his debts.
Oh, yeah, right. Fuck it.
LISA: "Just quit
your job, Lisa."
"I'll take care of you. My
salary's enough for the both of us."
- And it was!
- Yeah, yeah.
You did all right for a few years, before
people realized what a hack you are.
- Talentless fucking garbage.
- Garbage?
- Oh!
- You do realize
that we'll lose it all
in two more months?
The house, and the car, and
the cabin your father built for you.
- You just keep going like it's all fine.
- What?
Expensive wines,
- and New York fucking steak.
- What do you mean, we'll lose it all?
I bought the car. I
bought our house.
Oh, and I got this
summerhouse from my father.
- No, Lars. No, no.
- Oh, yeah.
You know, when you get
married, you share your belongings.
What's yours is mine, and what's
mine is yours. So it's also mine!
(sighs)
(chuckles)
Oh, I get it.
You want the life insurance.
You were gonna
kill me so you could...
- Be free.
- Be free?
Okay.
Get far away from here
and never look back again.
VICTOR: Huh.
It's kind of funny.
- What?
- Uh, it's just...
- What is?
- Nothing. You shut it.
- It's also the life insurance we wanna...
- Hey.
...uh, kill you for.
LISA: Mmm.
Diego.
- Well, it didn't help your case.
- I get half.
Five hundred thousand.
- I'm buying a new RV.
- Sorry, wait a minute. How much?
- Nice two-bedroom model.
- Hey, Victor. Listen to me.
- That policy is for three million!
- Let's all just shut up!
- Shut up, now. Keep it shut. Yeah.
- (grunting)
Fuck, I can't wait to get
rid of your nagging voice.
I'll never hear it again.
Give me the hammer.
(Lisa grunts)
Give me the hammer.
- Uh...
- (grunts)
- Hey. Stop it.
- Let her talk.
- I wanna hear her out.
- Can't we... Okay. You'll hear it.
- But I need... Give me the hammer.
- Just let her finish.
- Stop joking.
- Move, yeah?
- Give me the hammer.
- Move!
(muffled grunting)
Hey!
Careful.
(muffled) Fuck you.
(gasps)
The insurance is
worth three million.
Do you hear that?
You'll get half of mine.
- A million and a half, if you shoot him.
- LARS: Shut your mouth!
- Shoot him! Come on, do it.
- Shut it!
Two million if you blow
her head off right now.
- Lars, go die in a fucking hole.
- Now! Do it!
- You're gonna die!
- You get three million, everything,
- if you shoot him!
- And now she's lying.
- Look at her shitty lying.
- You lie all the time.
- I'm so fucking tired of you!
- You're a liar!
- (yells) Give me it! Now! Get off!
- (grunting)
(Lars yells)
(groans)
- LARS: Let go of the fucking shotgun!
- (Victor grunting)
(gun fires)
- Let go!
- I want half of it!
I said you're
getting everything!
Retarded idiot!
- LARS: Ow!
- (Victor screams)
LISA: Oh... No, no, no...
- No, no, no...
- Oh, my fucking God!
(groaning)
No! (screaming)
- Victor!
- How...
- LARS: Shit!
- How does it look?
- Not optimal, I'd say.
- Oh, my God...
- You shot his whole hand off.
- Can you please calm the fuck down?
- Calm down?
- Yeah, calm down!
- Do something!
- I'm trying to figure out what to do.
- But you won't shut your mouth!
- Take him to the hospital.
- Are you crazy?
- Before he bleeds to death!
- I have to run!
- He's losing blood!
- Hospital!
- Do something! You have to stop him!
(squelching cough)
(clock ticking)
(both gasp)
(Lisa whimpering)
Fuck.
- What the hell have you done?
- I, uh...
You said - you
said to stop... stop...
Stop the bleeding.
Stop the bleeding, Lars.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
(shudders)
Fuck it. What's another murder?
What? (gasps)
No, I don't think so.
- (yells)
- (gun clicks)
(gun clicking)
It's a two-barrel
shotgun, dumbfuck.
(yells)
(groans)
I'll have to reload, then.
(Lisa moaning)
(screeches)
(screams)
Ow! Ow!
Ow! Ow! Aah!
- Fuck!
- (panting)
- Ow! Ow!
- (muttering) Come on...
(both yelling)
Come here! (roars)
- (high-pitched whining)
- (man screams)
- (thumping and creaking)
- (man yelling)
(thumping and yelling continue)
(all yelling)
(coughing)
["Mkkamann" by
DumDum Boys plays]
THREE DAYS EARLIER
Det er ikke min
seng og ikke mitt tak
S definitivt ikke min dag
Om to sekunder gr sikkert
En vennlig sjel
igang en sirkelsag
Jeg burde ikke vre her
For hvor jeg er
m gudene vite
Men akkurat n
hjelper guder lite
Jeg m bort vekk hjem - n
Mkkamann nok en gang
Mkkamann
At det gr an
Hvorfor alle er s happy
Gr over min forstand
- Og dessuten er det harry...
- Do you think they're still after us?
- No, they would've caught us by now.
- stirre i senk en slagen mann
Br sm flash av
ting man burde glemt
- Er jeg heldig...
- Roy, what are you doing?
Er det noe jeg har drmt...
- I'm hungry. Real hungry.
- Balanserer p kanten
- Snubler du trekker noen ned...
- Hey! Are you stupid?
We're hungry too, but we're not stopping
to eat berries that might be poisonous.
I need food.
- Mkkamann...
- I can't function hungry.
You can't function at all,
you fucking lump of meat.
- Atdet gr an...
- Come on.
- Nok en gang
- PETTER: Roy!
Mkkamann
At det gr an
- (music stops)
- Oh, fuck.
(birdsong)
(sighs)
- (thumping)
- (buzzing)
(Petter growls)
(alarm whoops once)
Det er ikke min
seng og ikke mitt tak
S definitivt ikke min dag
Om to sekunder gr sikkert
En vennlig sjel
igang en sirkelsag
Jeg gikk planken
jeg gir blanke
Jeg blir neppe lyst i bann
Men akkurat nr
du fler deg trygg
Bryter helvete ls igjen
Mkkamann
For n'te gang
Mkkamann
At det gr an
Mkkamann
Gang p gang
Mkkamann
Det er min sang
We'll stay here a few days till things
are quiet, then we'll push forward.
See if we can find a vehicle.
Looking like this?
The fuck kind of
clothes are these, huh?
I think they're quite
nice. Look at this sweater.
(car approaching)
Oh, no.
(car pulls up)
PETTER: Fuck.
DAVE: Is that...
Are they coming in here?
PETTER: Son of a bitch.
We'll get 'em. Let's crush 'em.
What if more are coming?
- We can't risk it.
- (door bangs)
(sighs)
(ladder thumping)
PETTER: Come here.
(ladder creaks and thumps)
LISA: Honey, I'm home!
(Petter chuckles)
Nice. Mmm.
ROY: Petter!
Should have taken the meatballs.
Those aren't the
balls I'm looking for.
If you know what I mean.
- Mmm.
- Of course I know what you mean.
You think you're discreet,
that you're subtle?
You're horny, okay? I get it.
Now shut up,
I'm trying to think.
- ROY: Petter!
- We can't use that ladder.
It's too noisy and
they'll hear us.
Petter! Please.
What the fuck is it now?
- My stomach hurts.
- You have an upset stomach?
(gurgling)
Why do you have an
upset stomach, you think?
(gasps)
Try to think, Roy. Why do you
think you have an upset stomach?
- Maybe... maybe it's, uh...
- Maybe it's, uh...
(stomach gurgling)
Maybe it's the berries.
Yeah, the berries. You think?
(stomach rumbling
and squelching)
I need the toilet.
What do you mean, the toilet?
I've gotta shit.
What the fuck you doing?
- Roy, God! You're not taking a shit here.
- No, no.
You're not taking a shit here! You're
not dropping a deuce in this attic.
Fuck!
- You better not.
- I'm not shitting in my pants!
- No, no!
- Pull up your pants! (growls)
I must preserve my dignity.
(farting and grunting)
- (liquid running)
- (groans)
(farting and groaning continue)
- (air hissing)
- (moans)
(splatting)
(sighs)
(groans)
- (sighs)
- Fuck you, Roy.
- (Roy sighs)
- Dignity?
(birdsong)
Oh, fuck.
(sighing[
Fuck.
Yeah... We're stuck
here for a while.
[all sigh)
Good God, what a stench.
(fly buzzing)
Dave.
- Dave?
- What?
We're just like that girl and
her family, who hid in the attic.
Huh?
Who wrote that book
you read in your cell.
Anne Frank?
We're hiding up here in the attic
just like rodents, you know? (chuckles)
You missed the part where she sat
down and took a shit all over the floor.
Can you be quiet? Shut up, okay?
(shotgun fires) (thumping)
(Lisa screams)
- Huh?
- (clattering and banging)
(Lars yelling)
ROY: What happened?
- (gun cocking)
- (Lisa screaming)
- (Lisa sighs)
- (Lars grunts)
They're killing each other.
(struggling continues)
Oh, my God.
- (gun fires)
- (screams)
- Sh, sh, sh! Shut the fuck up!
- (stamping)
- (yelling)
- (boards creaking)
Oh, shut the fuck up!
(all yelling)
(crashing)
(groaning)
(plaster falling)
(pacing)
(plate scraping)
(cans opening)
(pipes rumbling)
(Lisa groans)
(Lisa sighs)
(groans)
(grunts)
What's, uh...
What's... what's happening?
You know, this is steak!
Hmm. Mm-hm.
Hey, you're that lady, right?
From that commercial?
The one for the people
whose cocks aren't working?
It's you, right?
I told you!
Shit.
A star and all. (chuckles)
No wonder the steak is good.
- Mmm.
- DAVE: Mm.
What is it?
Tenderloin?
Hmm. It's New... New...
(coughs)
New York... New York strip.
- (Dave and Roy) Ooooh!
- (Dave chuckles)
(Dave laughing)
Who are you? Wh...
what are you doing here?
I'm Petter.
That's Dave.
And the lump of meat is Roy.
You shot my anus.
PETTER: According to your
driver's licenses, you're Lars.
And you're Lisa.
Of course, we should stay out
of your private affairs, but, uh...
it looks like you two hava a
little, uh... relationship problem.
And, considering that guy
there, one of you's also a killer.
It... it was him.
- He's the one who killed him.
- You told me to.
- That's not what I said.
- You shouted, "Stop him!"
- I told you to stop the blood.
- You didn't say, "Stop the bleeding."
- I'd have done it. You said, "Stop him."
- Yeah...
- I meant stop the blood. What else...
- Okay...
- What you meant... You didn't say!
- You're so fucking stupid.
- You're the dumb...
- Okay!
I don't give a fuck
about all that stuff.
It's a kick, huh?
- (chair creaks)
- Huh?
Killin' a man in cold blood.
You feel it, right? It's a rush.
Ooooh.
Me and the boys here have broken free
from state conservatorship, so to speak.
We hiked two days through the
woods before we found your cabin.
Thought we'd settle down here.
- (chuckles)
- Before you came barging in.
Do you have any
idea what it's like
to be stuck in that shallow
fucking attic of yours
for 24 hours, smelling
nothing but Nazi mess?
- LISA: Um...
- Okay. Come on, Petter. Enough talk.
So, our next order of
business is cash. (sighs)
We have a... Well,
a liquidity problem,
- I guess you could say.
- (sighs)
PETTER: We've searched through
all your wallets and pockets
and the luggage upstairs.
From that, we put
together a few hundred.
And we found a thousand in
the pockets of that dead guy,
so thanks for that one, Lars!
LISA: Mmm...
We have, uh... There's
2,000 kroner in the office.
In a ceramic bowl on the desk.
Take it.
Please, just leave us alone.
Please.
Thank you, Lisa.
That's kind.
Fuck! Enough talking.
What? Oh, my God!
Like I said, we've been
in prison for a while, and...
you probably know
that men have...
- (Lisa gasps)
- ...natural needs.
(gasps) Please. I beg you.
I'm begging you.
I'll do anything.
I'm begging you.
Anything you want,
but just not that.
You know, the balls get
fuller and fuller over the years.
- (Lisa sobs)
- (Petter sighs)
They must be emptied. The
gonads must be drained...
- (whimpering)
- ...before it goes to the brain,
before it curdles.
Okay?
(gasping)
Let's see if you're
satisfied now.
(chuckling) Oh...
(laughs) Shit.
You're an ice-cold
motherfucker, Lars.
- (Lisa whimpers)
- (Dave chuckles)
- (Dave sighs)
- (gasps)
(sobs)
Okay.
Go on, then, Queer Dave.
(Lisa gasps)
- No, no!
- DAVE: Come and help!
(gasping) No! No, no!
No, no, no, no! Help!
(grunting) No!
No! Let me go!
(Roy grunting)
No! (yelling)
No! No!
No! (yelling)
(thump)
(Lars yelling)
No, please!
Ah, no! No! I...
No!
- (Lars whimpers)
- DAVE: Hey. Hold on.
- Want a little tip, Lisa?
- LARS: No!
(groans) No!
Just relax.
(Lars groaning and grunting)
If you fight it...
- oh, a lot more pain.
- LARS: No!
(grunting) No!
No!
- No!
- ROY: Hey, hey.
(all laughing)
(Roy burbling)
- He's like a fish.
- Oh, God! Please!
Please.
(Petter chuckles)
- (sobs) Please. Please. I don't...
- (chair creaking)
- I haven't done anything.
- (all laughing)
(sobbing) Please.
I've seen a lot of men
beg in my life. Lars.
(whimpering)
You're gonna have to do a lot
better than that if you want a chance.
I mean, don't you
know who this is?
Huh?
This is Dave
"Horse Dick" Eriksen.
(groans)
I'll be honest, Lars. It's gonna
feel like two bodybuilders
are shoving a fire
hydrant up there.
- (Dave wheezes with laughter)
- I beg you. (sobs)
Really, really...
(crying)
Please...
Look... look...
look...
- Please. Enough.
- (Lisa sighs)
- LARS: I'm afraid.
- (sighs)
LARS: I...
(crying)
- Please.
- I think we need to help you a little.
Please, please, no.
- (Lars gasps)
- LISA: What... what...
- No!
- (Lisa gasps) What? What...
- (Lisa whimperng)
- (Lars panting)
No. You...
You can take everything I
have! Don't use that on me.
Don't. No, no,
no, please. Don't.
Don't do it.
- Don't...
- Come on, Lars.
If you really sell this now...
- Yeah?
- ...we might not let Dave loose on you.
- (Lars groans)
- (Peter chuckles)
Oh, God! Please!
- I don't want to, please! No!
- PETTER: Lars.
Calm down. Lars, Lars, Lars...
- Calm down.
- Oh, God Oh! (gasping)
- Fuck...
- PETTER: Sh...
- Focus, now. Focus.
- (whimpering)
Hey, wait a minute, Petter.
- I'm not done yet.
- Shh.
(Lars bellowing)
(wailing and groaning)
- (click)
- (Lars and Lisa scream)
- (Lisa sobbing)
- Oh!
(laughing)
(Dave chuckles)
PETTER: Oh, fuck!
- (whimpering)
- That was intense.
(crying)
Lars.
You're not done yet, you know.
(Lars panting)
You should kiss my
feet. Kiss my feet.
Come on. Kiss my feet, Lars.
(Lars sobbing)
Kiss...
Come, come. Come now.
Come here. Yeah, come here.
Come on.
No.
Use some tongue.
Use some tongue, Lars. Come on.
(whimpers)
There you go. Yeah.
That's a good boy, Lars.
(Lars sobbing)
That's a good boy.
(whimpering)
(Petter sighs)
Now, look up at your
wife. Look at Lisa.
(sobbing)
And tell her that
you're a little shit.
- Come on, Lars. Say it.
- (cries)
- Tell her you're a little shit.
- (Lars sobbing)
Come on, Lars. Tell her.
I'm a...
- (groans)
- Louder, Lars.
Louder!
I'm a little shit!
(Petter laughs)
- Isn't he? (laughs)
- LARS: I'm...
I'm a little shit. I'm...
(Patter and Dave laughing)
Yeah, this is starting
to look all right.
- (whimpering)
- PETTER: What do you say, Dave?
Ehhh... it's a little
amateurish to me.
- Hmm.
- (Lars sobs)
- Yeah, you think so?
- Mm-hm.
All right.
Yeah. It looks like you're
gettin' fucked anyway, Lars.
- (wails) No!
- Roy!
No, I don't want to! No!
No! No!
No, no! No! No!
(screams)
Oh, no! No!
LISA: Wait! Stop, stop! Stop!
Stop. Stop! Stop it.
I have...
a lot of money.
A large amount of money...
in the bank in the city
that I... that I put away.
(panting)
125,000.
We can go there tomorrow,
when the bank opens.
I'll take everything
out and give it to you.
Everything I have.
But not if you do what
you were gonna do to him.
Or to me.
You follow?
(Lisa panting)
(Petter sighs)
What about poor Roy over here?
He was looking
forward to having a...
short and stormy
relationship with you.
Of course, that kind of
money does help your case.
It can keep us out of trouble.
Mm-hm.
- Okay, it's a deal.
- (gasps)
Ah, fuckin' A.
No one touches him.
(yells)
- (sobs)
- (Petter sighs)
(gasping)
(retching)
PETTER: All right, Lars.
Looks like your wife
saved your ass. Literally.
(sighs)
(Lars sobbing)
(sighs)
(groans and sobs)
(crying loudly)
(pellet clinks)
Hey, uh... Petter?
Mm?
How many people have you killed?
(pellet clinks)
Why do you ask?
I'm just wondering how many people
you've really killed, because I've heard...
- Ow! Fuck!
- Lie still!
I just... I just heard you were
the worst bastard in there.
PETTER: Ah...
ROY: And I heard that, um...
Come on, now, what'd you hear?
ROY: That you robbed that bank.
And then you killed
your whole gang?
All three.
Because you didn't wanna
split the money, they said.
- (pellet clinks)
- (sighs) So that's what you heard?
(grunts)
- Mm-hm.
- PETTER: Yeah...
The headline's correct, but
the details are bullshit, obviously.
What does that mean?
(Petter grunts)
I got rid of those
guys, but it, uh...
wasn't for the cash.
I'm not a greedy boy, Roy.
- (sighs)
- ROY: Then...
Why did you kill them, then?
They had no value.
Look at you, for example,
right? You're here because...
your brother knew that
guy at the security company.
(pellets clink)
In our little escape plan,
that obviously had... value.
(applause on TV)
But, uh...
(unscrews bottle lid)
Do I have value now?
Ow! Fff...
Good as new.
And now you have value again.
Lars?
Lars?
Lars, can you hear me?
How the hell did we get here?
I don't just mean
here, I mean...
(sighs) I was so
in love with you.
When we got together...
I thought that we
would always be a team.
You and me.
I thought we would do all
that stuff we talked about.
That I could...
have such a
wonderful life with you.
(sighs) Then it's just...
Then it's just debts
and arguments and...
disappointing each other.
And everything turns awful.
(sniffles)
And then...
Diego.
(scoffs)
(sighs heavily) I'm so...
I'm so sorry for that.
(sighs) It didn't mean anything.
Hey...
- It really meant nothing.
- (sighs)
Fuck it. Just forget it.
It doesn't matter, anyway.
We'll both be dead soon.
(man 1) Can you name for me some
of Parliament's most important tasks?
Pass laws, pass the state budget
and watch over the government.
(woman) Tell us.
- Go ahead and tell us the answer.
- Pass laws. Pass the state budget.
And control the government.
(laughs)
(man) You almost
said it earlier.
- (woman) Yeah.
- (man 1) What's the budget called
that estimates the
state's income and bills?
- The state budget.
- (man 2) State budget.
(man 1) Exactly right.
Damn, you're smart.
You should be a professor.
Professor?
I could have been prime
minister, if born in the right zip code.
(Lars sighs)
- (laughter on TV)
- LARS: Hello?
(man 1) Next question is...
Sh.
- (switches TV off)
- LARS: Somebody!
Hello?
- Lars... What are you doing?
- Can someone come down?
Lars! Shut up!
What are you doing?
- Can someone come down here?
- Lars! Shut up! Shut up!
Lars!
What are you doing?
Lars!
Lars!
Lars.
LISA: What the
fuck are you doing?
- Roy. Go on down.
- (Lars yells)
(thumping)
LARS: Please come
down! Come down now!
(banging and clattering)
I need the toilet.
Piss your pants.
Um... It's, um... a number two.
The guy's gotta take a shit!
So let him take a shit.
(switches TV on)
(laughter on TV)
(Roy sighs)
You're not gonna
do something, right?
- No.
- No.
(cuts rope)
(Lars grunting)
(door creaking)
ROY: Hey, wait.
I'm just gonna see if you
have anything you might...
surprise little Roy with.
- (water running)
- Hm.
(door closes)
(banging)
You know what... you
know what this means?
Look!
It means I don't
like folks like you.
- Okay.
- Hm.
Just give us that money.
The money is why Petter
says I can't molest you.
- Yeah, exactly.
- Mm-hm.
But I was thinking...
if you can just show
your boobies to me, then...
You know, titties...
Then I can jerk it a little.
Mm... I don't know/
I don't...
think so.
I'll talk to Petter about it.
- Yeah. I'll talk to Petter about it.
- (toilet flushes)
(yells)
(Roy grunts)
Lars!
Can you untie me?
Lars!
Lars!
Lars! Lars!
(stairs creaking)
(gasps)
(panting)
(gasps)
(laughter on TV)
(man 1) Come back, dear!
Roy! How's it going down there?
(stairs creaking)
PETTER: Roy! What's the deal?
Fuck. He's as
deaf as he is stupid.
(sighs)
(man 1) ...all the
way to the final...
Roy!
(man 1) All right,
baby! Are you...
(sighs) Fuck's sake.
Roy! What the fuck's going on?
Roy!
Roy!
- Roy?
- (Roy groans)
- (groans)
- PETTER: What happened?
He hit me with a...
- He hit me with his sock.
- Sock?
Fuck.
Fuck!
They can't have gotten far.
Come on, then.
Okay. Roy, take the road.
- Uh.
- Dave, with me.
(Roy whistles)
Damn!
(spits)
(grunts)
Fuck... (panting)
Come on, come on!
Fuck!
A-ha!
- Bingo!
- What you got there?
Nothing.
Give it here.
Come here.
Come here.
Boat keys.
That's smart.
You would have made it too,
if my flashlight hadn't broke.
You... still need me alive.
- For the cash.
- The money doesn't matter now.
Your man hit me in the head.
So the rules say
you've gotta die.
What fucking rules, huh? Huh?
Hey... Wait, wait,
wait. Please, I beg you!
Do you know how many
whores I've heard tell me that?
Move away from the fridge. I don't want
to shoot it of there's still beer inside.
(stair creaks)
So, I've...
I thought some more.
About what you
said in the basement.
That you wanna take off my top.
To see your tits.
Yeah.
Uh... Roy.
It was Roy, right? I mean...
I couldn't say it down
there, near the others, but...
I mean, especially not in
front of my husband, but...
I think I want you, too.
I was thinking that I might...
come with you after
we go to the bank.
I could be, uh...
with you. (laughs)
I know we don't know
each other that well, but...
I think that the
two of us could...
I think that on the road, we
could have... fun together.
I mean, a lot of fun. If
you get what I'm saying.
(floor creaks softly)
- I don't know if I know what...
- Oh, I think you understand.
I see it in your eyes.
I can see that you want to.
- But...
- What? But what?
- But you're a, uh...
- What am I?
What am I, Roy?
- You're a Jew...
- (rattling)
(both yell)
(gunshot)
(Petter sighs)
- (Roy roaring)
- (Lars groaning)
(all grunting)
- ROY: No!
- (groans)
(screams) Come on, stop!
- (groans)
- (screams)
(growling)
(coughing and gasping)
(screams)
(both yelling)
(screams)
- Fucking...
- (choking)
- (cracking)
- (groans)
(growling)
(Lisa gasping)
(Lars yells)
Lisa!
Lisa!
Lisa!
(screams)
(thump)
(gasps)
- (squelching)
- (gasps)
(Lars gasping)
(Lisa sighs)
No.
No, no, no, no.
(crying)
Why?
Why did this have to happen?
What the hell did Roy
ever do to anyone, huh?
Lars. Lars! Come here. Here!
(thump upstairs)
Come on.
Come on.
(Lisa gasps)
I know how we
ended up like this.
It wasn't your fault.
It's my fault.
Only mine.
(creaking)
When you tell me that...
that I gave up, you're right.
I gave up.
And I blamed
everyone else for it.
You. Work. That fucking debt.
Somehow, I became
okay with it all falling apart.
(sighs)
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
(floorboards creaking)
(both gasp)
- They're coming. They're coming.
- Sh,
They're coming! Shhh!
(floorboards creaking)
(gasping)
Shh.
Take the boat.
- What about you?
- I'll come after.
Lisa.
In the kitchen with Roy?
That was the best goddam
performance I've ever seen.
- (yells)
- (Pettter grunts)
Fuck.
Oh! Fuck!
Come on, Lisa. Lisa!
(Petter roaring)
(yells)
Aaaah!
(yells)
- (yells)
- (gasps)
Oh! (yells)
- Just hold that fucking whore for me.
- (Lisa gasps)
(roars)
I just tried to be nice, Lars.
- Keep on good terms.
- (whimpering)
(sighs) Stupid, stupid me.
- What... (choking)
- (growls)
You live and you
learn, you know, Lars.
- No! No!
- Stay still. Stay still.
And you're gonna see what happens
when you mess with Petter Larsen!
(spluttering) Oh!
I've killed people many
different ways, Lars.
- (Petter grunts)
- (engine starts)
Oh, fuck!
I've shot them,
strangled them and...
LISA: No, no!
...I've burnt them, I've stabbed
them, I've beaten them to a pulp...
Stop! No! (sobbing)
- Oh, God!
- PETTER: In '92,
I cut a man's head
off with a bottle opener.
But I have never put someone's
head into a lawn mower.
So thanks for that!
- (Lars yells)
- (Petter grunting)
- Oh! Oh, my God!
- (growling)
Let him go! Let him go!
(screams)
(grunting)
(horn blaring)
(groans)
What in the halls of hell
are you doing out here?
SIX HOURS EARLIER
(coughing)
(crickets chirping)
(clock ticking)
(buzzing)
(ringing tone)
(buzzing)
Oh, for the love of God,
what the fuck do you...
(grunts)
- (sighs) Hello?
- Hello.
Hello, yeah. It's Hans.
Hans out by the fjord.
Hans?
I'm sorry for calling a
strapping young man like you
- so late this evening.
- (yawns)
But I was out driving my car, you
see. I was going to, uh... the pharmacy.
You know, I need my medicine,
and I wasn't sure I had any at home,
but anyway, there it was.
- Uh...
- (groans)
Sometimes, the pharmacy's
open late these days.
So I thought I oughta
get some more,
in case I was all out of
the stuff I have at home.
And so, I got some
more, but then I got home
and saw that I already had some
here, anyway, so that, you know...
- That... Well, that's all.
- Hans, Hans!
Hans, why are you
calling my cellphone
in the middle of the
goddamn fuckin' night?
Well, uh, like I said...
- (groans)
- ...I drove past your cabin.
Did I mention that?
Uh, and the light was on...
- It was on in the house.
- That's because my son is there.
And there were a lot of cars
parked all around the front.
On the outside. Also, also
the main door was wide open...
Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Uh...
(sighs) Did you go check on him?
No, because you never know!
It could be a break-in
or something...
- Something dangerous.
- Yeah. Uh,Hans, Hans, that's great.
Thank you for giving me
this call, okay? Good night.
- (dialing tone)
- Yeah. No problem at all. Good night.
- (sighs)
- (ringing tone)
Hi, this is Lars. I'm probably
on set, so leave a message,
- and I'll get back to you after we...
- (sighs)
Jeg vil ha fri, shu-bi-dua,
shu-bi-dua Jeg vil ha fri
- Shu-bi-dua
- Fucking asshole kid.
Jeg vil ha fri
Shu-bi-dua, shu-bi-dua
Jeg vil ha fri,
shu-bi-dua, shu-bi-dua
Goddamn piece
of shit old man legs!
(sighs)
Ahmed, my dear friend.
So, I've got a little problem.
- You know my house by the lake.
- Mikkel, get back to bed.
- And you know my name isAbid.
- Listen.
They're breaking windows
down there. His phone is off.
- I've got to go to my...
- To your bed. We can talk about it later.
Take that bed and
shove it up your ass!
- I don't have time for this!
- Okay. That's enough.
Whoo!
(grunts)
(alarm chirps)
Gi meg fri i kveld
A goddamn homo-mobile.
Oh, sitter her p trappa
Venter p a' Martha
Venter p a' Martha
Venter p a' Martha
Sitter her p trappa
Venter p a' Martha
Venter p a' Martha...
- (chiming)
- Samme gamle leksa
- Hu har glmt att veska
- A goddamn spaceship shitbox.
Ooh
- Ooh, je blir fort fortvile'
- (chiming)
Itte lett smile
- (groans) You goddamn gas-suckin' whore.
- N fr a' jammen komma
Kaster meg i
Glomma, ooh, ooh
Whoo!
Hey. Fatty!
- Hey, come help me out.
- Gi meg fri i kveld
Fuckin' long-haired,
Green-votin', draft-dodgin',
grass-smokin', tree-fuckin'...
Whoo!
What in the fuck...
Fuck!
(gasps) Mikkel!
- (lawnmower running)
- Papa?
- My cabin! Fuck...
- (whimpers)
Hey! Don't come closer.
One more step, and I'll cut.
You're feelin' tough for...
a guy with no gun.
- (screams)
- (gasps)
Cut that, you little fucker.
Papa!
(gasps)
You're gonna watch
me while I kill your son
and fuck your daughter-in-law
while you bleed.
Papa!
(roars)
- Papa, no!
- Get in the car!
Oh, my nose...
(spits) What nose?
- (groans)
(laughs)
DAVE: Fuck!
(groans)
It's fucked. (moans)
They fucked it.
(yells)
(Lars groans and coughs)
- Lisa?
- Hm?
Get down to the
boat and get it ready.
What?
- Don't go back.
- There's somethin' I gotta do.
No. Mm.
I have to.
- Hey. Stop whining.
- (groaning)
- Hey. Look at me. I said, look at me!
- (crunch)
- (wails)
- Look at me.
Go inside, and
bandage that wound.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
I'll take care of them.
- (whimpers)
- Okay?
(yells) Uh-huh...
(groans)
Fucker!
(panting)
Okay. Come on.
- Come on. Oh, come on.
- (squeaking)
- (engine catches)
- Come on, yeah.
(gasping)
Damn it.
(screams)
(yells) Fuck, fuck,
fuck! Come on!
(beeping)
Fuck.
(groaning)
(groans and gags)
(retches)
(screams)
(screams)
(coughing)
(sighs)
(groans)
(grunting)
(grunts) No more pain.
(grunts) No more pain.
- (crunch)
- (screams)
Okay... (panting)
- (sloshing)
- Uh...
- (crunch)
- (yelps)
Going fishing?
- (screams)
- (yells)
(growls
[yells)
(gasping)
No gun in a nursing home.
(whimpers)
What do you want from me?
Why not just take the
boat and get away?
Because, you
fucking Swedish cunt...
I still need that money.
You're getting it for me.
(yells)
Okay, okay.
Listen, I got people who
owe me money. Big time.
(panting)
(gasps and groans)
Don't do it, please.
Please.
(whimpering)
No. Oh, please. No, not my dick.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
(groans)
Dave "Horse Dick"
Eriksen, was it?
I didn't mean it, okay? I
really wasn't gonna do it.
It was just... It
was all just a joke.
I swear.
That's a nice sweater.
Huh?
- (gun fires)
- (Dave screams)
(sighing)
(chuckles)
(sighs)
Oh.
Lars?
How are you? (coughs)
How are you doing?
I'm good, Papa.
I just... just shotgunned
the guy in the balls, so...
I'm proud of you.
That's my boy.
(birdsong)
(sighs)
You were right.
It is nicer to see
the sun rise than...
...see it set.
(engine starts)
Adis, Dave!
(yells)
Are you really gonna leave
your partner behind like that?
There are no real
friends in my world, Lisa.
Either you have
value, or you don't.
And Dave definitely
has no value now.
Why are you so
preoccupied wirh Dave?
He was gonna make mincemeat
out of your husband's ass.
(gasps)
That scene down
in the basement...
Your husband laying there, begging like
a little girl and drooling on my shoes.
Where do you think he is now?
Hiding in the woods
like a little shit...
(yelling)
Come on, you fucker! (yells)
(screaming)
(hissing)
(men grunting)
What the hell got you
thinking you can fucking fight?
(gun cocks)
Adis, Petter.
(laughing)
What the fuck? That's the
stupidest shit I've ever seen!
(chuckling)
(yells)
(yelling)
(engine spluttering)
- (continues yelling)
- (crunching)
(bellowing)
And now you're
gonna fucking die,
you little good-for-nothin'
piece of shit rat.
(choking)
(growling)
(Lisa yells)
Sorry, but you
have no value now.
(yelling)
(gurgling)
(sighs)
- (yelps)
- (Lisa gasps)
(yells)
(whimpers)
(yells)
- (groans)
- (yells)
(both gasping)
(birdsong)
(footsteps)
(groans)
(sighs)
Police are an hour out.
- Hey.
- Hmm?
When we were down
in that basement...
Those billiard
balls, how did you...
(gasps)
(whimpers)
At least we're both alive.
We're still underwater,
just like before.
No money. Too much debt.
We're still fucked, Lisa.
["Kontroll p kontinentet"
by Kaizers Orchestra plays]
- Huh. Yeah...
- Hmm?
How about, uh...
Den skal vr mann
Som kan g med min hatt
Den skal vr kald
som tar ve mi makt...
THREE HOURS AND
FIFTEEN MINUTES LATER
For g med mine sko
Men han m ha
sin egen pistol
For du vett kva som
str i testamentet
Oh, du vett kva som
str I testamentet
At den som tar hnd
om min Constanze
Fr min hatt, fr mine
sko Fr mitt extravanganza
Ta kontroll p kontinentet
Oh, ta kontroll
p kontinentet
All right, ta kontroll
p kontinentet
All right, ta kontroll Ta
kontroll, ta kontroll p kontinentet
SURVIVED TERROR ON CABIN TRIP
FIVE DEAD IN CABIN MASSACRE
ESCAPED MURDERERS
KILLED BY MARRIED COUPLE
(woman) What can you tell us?
Og eg ber om
bli godt parfymert
Eg skal lukte godt Nr
eg frst skal g ner...
What do you think made it so
that the two of you survived?
I think... Well, I think that...
our love, and how strong it is
let us survive, yeah.
(applause)
And now, your story is being
turned into a feature film.
Ta kontroll p
kontinentet...
Yeah, that's right.
It's gonna be a film.
(applause)
BIDDING WAR FOR SCRIPT RIGHTS
STORY SOLD FOR MILLIONS
MAKING MOVIE WITH
HOLLYWOOD STARS
(creaking)
(man) Yeah...
We're gonna have some fun now.
Hell, yeah, we are.
(men laughing)
Aaah! Queer Dave.
Eg ser det for meg
Det kryper imot meg...
- Take it away.
Ser det for meg,
ser det for meg
Ser det for meg...
- Like hell you are.
h, mi sster, ah, mi sster
N vett eg kven
som er tyster
h, mi sster, ah, mi sster
Eg hrte alt du
sa ved mi kiste
Oh, Fader Martin,
oh, Fader Martin
Eg syns dette begynner
lukte bensin
- (man)Cut!
Og mi Costanze Og
min Constanze ta min hatt
- Ta mine sko, ta mitt extravaganza
- All right, thanks.
- On set in five.
- Ta kontroll p kontinentet
Thank you so much, everybody.
Ta kontroll p
kontinentet, all right
That was exactly what happened.
All right, ta kontroll, ta kontroll
Ta knotroll p kontinentet
Whoa-ah-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
Whoa-ah-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
Whoa-ah-oh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh
["S som s" by
DumDum Boys plays]