The Trouble with Mistletoe (2017) Movie Script
Any of your
wishes come true yet?
Not yet.
Hey, how are you doing, Eddie?
I'm just waiting for that
Christmas cheer to kick in.
Tina's finest.
All right.
I'm gonna go enjoy these
over by the Presidio.
Okay.
Hi.
Hey you.
All right, everybody, sit.
Everybody, sit.
Rory, I could use an extra
set of hands in here.
Come here, guys.
There we go, there we go, oh.
You are not gonna butter me up.
No, you're not.
You're just not gonna do it.
You smell so much better
when you are clean.
It's only the 1st of December,
and it looks like
Christmas threw up in here.
Yeah, but,
in a classy way, right?
Right.
All right, you
stay in here and be all cute
and bring me lots
of customers, okay?
Oh, a package came for you.
Yes, they finally came.
Oh my God.
Is that a bowl of
penis headbands?
No, they are reindeer
antlers for dogs, see?
Oh my God, do not put it on!
It's called marketing.
And to think you
can't get a date.
No, not can't, don't want.
That's very, very different.
Oh shit, they do
look like penises.
I am gonna head over to
Tina's for some coffee.
Do you want anything?
Just my usual.
Oh, and if she has any of
those muffins left over,
grab me some more of those.
Yes.
If there's any
change left over,
could you toss a coin
in the fountain for me?
So you're on a
self-imposed man embargo,
but you still want
to wish on true love.
Yes, that's right.
Thank you.
See you soon.
- Bye, Rory.
- Bye.
Okay.
Oh shit.
Oh, yes, hi.
Um...
Sorry, um, um,
I'm, I'm closed.
I don't open until nine.
I have to board
this cat today.
I'll pay double.
I don't mind.
I'm, I'm sorry.
I'm, I'm all booked up.
I.
- Oh honey.
- See.
Aren't you beautiful?
Oh yeah, you just don't like
that carrier very much, do you?
What the hell?
What?
My great-aunt Sally
dropped the cat off
with me last night, and
as soon as she left,
this thing went nuts.
What did she do?
She peed in my bed.
She scratched my mattress.
What else did she do?
She broke my phone
and my tablet.
Maybe she's just upset
that she's not at home
and missing your aunt.
What's her name?
Petunia, but I'm going for Pita,
short for pain in the ass.
I'll take her for today only.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Name's Keane by the
way, Keane Winters.
You are?
Willa Davis.
Nice to meet you, Willa.
Thank you so much for
doing this for me.
I'm doing it for Petunia.
Right, of course.
One little question,
do you always wear
X-rated headbands?
Um,
are you referring to
my reindeer antlers?
Right, of course ,
they're antlers, Christmas.
Just be sure to pick her
up before we close at five.
And please do not be late,
because I have a wedding
later this evening.
Hope it's not yours.
Tell us more about
the guy with the cat.
Are we looking at his ass?
No, we are not
looking at his ass.
Well, we are missing
out, because wow.
I mean, it really
is a really great ass.
I gave up men, remember?
And he is the start of why.
Go on.
Wait, you got to tell us,
and I have to go to work soon.
His name is Keane Winters.
We went to high school together.
Wait, what?
You went to high
school with him?
How well did you
know each other?
Obviously not well,
so can we change the topic
and talk about something else?
What do you guys
want to listen to?
Oh...
- Not Christmas music.
- Anything but
Christmas music.
How about this one?
You are a sick woman.
I know, but you love it.
"Winters specializes in
buying up dilapidated projects
"in prime areas and turning them
"into heart-stopping,
must-have properties.
"He doesn't find use
for sentimentality,
"ruthlessly selling each of
them off as he completes them."
Wow.
Dude, we need to get
the guys in here this week
to help work on
the loft since you
and your height
phobia thing can't.
Are you listening to me?
Sure.
He's not listening to me.
No, not a single word.
Well, maybe he'll listen to me.
Did you get the link
I sent you, boss,
the article on you
in the newspaper?
Hello, we're getting tons
of offers because of it.
I got to go.
I got to go pick up the
cat, and I can't be late.
Well, I can grab her for you.
What, okay, I offer to do
nice stuff all the time.
- Okay, yeah?
- Uh-huh.
Name one, name one time.
Oh great.
Hey.
Hey.
Do you know where Willa is?
No, no, no, no, no!
Come on, come on!
Shit!
Dammit!
Come on!
It's not the gun.
It's the operator.
No, it's broken, actually.
Hmm, hmm.
No, you're just out of staples.
Oh.
You do know this is only
three-feet high, right?
Yeah, it's perfect.
In what universe
is that perfect?
It's a dog wedding.
There's gonna be a dog
wedding here, in the courtyard?
In less than an
hour, if I don't manage
to mess everything up.
Oh, I'm the wedding
planner.
That's great.
So where's the little terror?
Oh you mean Petunia?
Yeah.
Oh, she's in the shop,
sleeping in the warmest place
in between Macaroni and Luna,
two of the pets that
I'm babysitting.
No.
Now that's Photoshopped, right?
No.
Oh thank God, Spence
and Archer are here.
The wedding dogs?
No, two of my best friends.
Hey, you here
for the groom or the bride?
Neither.
Whoo, tough crowd.
- Okay.
- No, no, no, no, no,
- no, no, no, no, no.
- What's going on?
I have a wedding
cake emergency.
Oh no, I have way
too much to do.
- Fuck, I got to...
- Go ahead.
I'll take care of this.
Seriously?
Yeah.
It's got to be perfect.
Are you sure?
I mean, this is a
very discerning bride.
She likes things
very, very specific.
I think I can manage it.
Okay, if you're positive,
and I'll just be right back.
No problem.
Okay, thank you.
You know, the last guy
she dated played games
with her head.
They never did find
the body, did they?
Good to know.
Great talk, guys.
I'm gonna finish
this dog gazebo now.
The carob is
melting faster now,
so they can't write on the cake.
Don't worry, you
know I got you.
All right, what's
with the weird vibe?
We're just making sure
this guy passes muster,
you know, after Ethan.
No, no, no, he's not a date.
He's not a future date.
And he sure shit is
not a past date, okay?
- Yeah.
- Good.
Thank you very
much for your help.
- I really appreciate it.
- You're welcome.
- But I...
- How do you know
I'm not a future date?
You know, excuse me,
the wedding's gonna
start really soon.
Good night, thanks
for your help.
Need help?
That's not necessary.
Because I'm not a
present or a future?
Not it, it's more like, um...
What was that?
Animal magnetism.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna
go get Petunia for you.
Thank you for the help.
Yeah.
You know, they really do
make a good-looking couple.
I like that lipstick shade on you.
Yeah, back to hot-as-balls guy,
more info, please.
Are you hoping he'll
show up this morning?
No, the same answer I've
had every other morning
since the poodle wedding.
Few years old.
You're gonna want to see this.
No, I'm not.
No, really, you want to see this.
He's in a suit.
- What?
- Yup.
My eyes don't know what
to do with themselves.
He looks good in clothes.
I can't decide which is
the hotter look for him,
hot and suited up or
hot and in Levi's.
Yeah, it might be a draw.
So you do like him.
No, but I mean,
I'm not dead, look at him.
Swipe the panic
off your face
and add a smile.
Am I interrupting?
Hi.
Hi, tell me you have
time for Pita, today.
Keane?
Yeah?
Just checking, I wasn't sure
if you had an identical twin.
Yes, and the cat hates both of us.
You're welcome.
Interesting.
I'm not kissing you.
No, but if you take Pita,
I'll kiss you.
That's not necessary.
Okay.
Do we know each other?
Why, do you remember
me from somewhere?
No, no, never mind.
Please, I got a closing
I got to get to.
- Thank you.
- Don't be late.
Or else what?
Have a good day.
Hello.
Oh come here.
So?
Obviously, there's
more to the story.
He stood me up in high school.
Being stood up like that,
by him at that particular
time in my life was
memorably traumatic.
And you guys remember the
torture of high school.
Maybe you don't, because you
were popular like Keane was,
but I, on the other hand,
was completely invisible.
It just
really did a number
on my self-esteem.
Okay, we stay mad at him then.
Thank you.
Oh you're a good
boy, aren't you?
Yes, you are.
Who's a good boy?
I do have my moments.
I didn't hear you come in.
You changed.
I did.
You know, I was working on
electricity for part of the day.
Hey, Rory, can you
come take Carl for me?
Sure thing.
Up!
Good job!
I'm sorry I was late.
I'll pay late fees.
It's fine.
It was just a few minutes.
Besides, I wouldn't have
wanted you to get zapped
by electricity or
anything like that
if you were rushing.
You run a smart business.
You know that?
What you've built.
Any news on your aunt?
No, unfortunately.
Okay, please tell me
your secret with her.
Oh I just speak the
same language, I guess.
And what language is that?
The language of loneliness.
Something a man like
you wouldn't understand.
You'd be surprised.
Have dinner with me.
Oh no, no, no, I'm sorry.
I wasn't angling for a date.
Oh, I know.
It's just that I'm here, and
I want to keep talking to you.
And my stomach is growling
at me like a wild beast,
and I can hear yours,
too, so let's go eat.
Just like that?
Yeah, just like that.
Maybe I don't like you.
Maybe?
I haven't decided yet.
Okay.
Let me know when you do.
You ready?
You know she's
just ornery enough
to knock herself off
the seat and then die
and then come back to haunt me.
Hell, no, I'm not...
I'm sorry.
I just need to drop
Pita off at home.
Okay.
Come on, Pita.
You live here?
Um, well, it's one of
my renovation projects.
- It's also my office.
- Wow.
And where I temporarily
park my head at night.
You want to see inside?
Okay.
Oh wow.
All right.
Come on, Pita.
All right, stay in there then.
It's beautiful.
It's one of the most beautiful
homes I've ever seen.
There aren't any
holiday decorations.
No, no time.
I got three projects
going on right now.
This is one of them.
Not even a Christmas tree?
Not even a Christmas tree.
So how did you get
into all of this?
Well,
I begged and borrowed
and stole money for the
first fallen property.
I just worked my ass off not
to lose my shorts over the deal.
Well, it's amazing.
Yeah, I've had this
place the longest.
It's taken the most work
of any other project.
I really need to put it
on the market, though.
I should've done it by now.
Maybe you're attached.
I don't get attached.
Ever?
No.
Ingrate.
You ready?
Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
I'm good.
Do you go nuts for all the
holidays or just Christmas?
All of 'em.
Wow, that's a lot of work.
It's kind of holdover
from when I was a kid,
'cause we didn't always
get to celebrate 'em.
And so I guess I'm just
making up for it now.
Your parents didn't like 'em.
No, um, my dad actually
got himself killed
when I was two, and
he was out hunting.
And my mom, she had me
when she was really young,
like really young, and just
was never really cut out
for the parenting thing.
She would always go crazy,
and then I would end
up back in the system.
How long were you in the system?
At least once a year, till I was 18.
Wow.
Then I'm glad you're treating
yourself to the holidays.
What about you?
What about me what?
The holidays?
I was a late-in-life,
unhappy surprise
to a couple of
college professors
who had had two
daughters already.
They were really
into their work,
and the holidays got in
the way of that work.
Do you still talk to them?
No, not as much as we should.
I mean, I barely even knew
I had a great-aunt Sally
until she showed up on my
doorstep two weeks ago.
Really?
Yeah, some family feud
between my grandma and Sally
that split the family.
Sorry, that's too bad.
Well, I'm pretty sure we
would've drifted apart anyway.
We're not much for
emotions, us Winterses.
You don't really need
to find a parking space.
I can just get out here,
but thank you so much
for dinner, thanks.
Willa.
Willa, wait!
Wait, hey, why do you
keep running from me?
I'm missing something here,
something big, I think.
Just tell me, no
more games, okay?
We went to high
school together
for a year.
What?
You were this popular
football player,
and I was a nobody.
It was the Sadie Hawkins Dance.
You were the only person
I wanted to invite,
out of every guy in
the whole school.
But I was new, and I
didn't have any friends
to talk me out of it.
That was my first
and my last dance.
Okay, please run that
by me one more time.
No, I'm not
gonna say it again.
It's hard enough
to live through,
let alone say out loud.
Why don't I remember you?
'Cause you're an asshole?
I don't, I don't really know.
What about me is so forgettable?
You are the most unforgettable
person I've ever met.
Don't say that.
Tell me what I said that day.
You said, "Sounds cool."
And I floated home.
I didn't have a dress.
I didn't have shoes.
I didn't even have money to
buy a ticket for the dance.
But somehow, I got myself
to be worthy enough
for a date with Keane Winters.
I don't remember.
18-year-old guys are assholes.
And I'm sure I was one of them.
Tell me the rest.
There's nothing more to say.
You never showed.
And you never
looked at me again.
And that's the end of the story,
then and now.
Wow, an actual purr?
Be careful, you may
start to like me.
Ouch, okay, still
not friends, come on.
Pita.
Pita.
And you're sweating
like me this high.
Almost there.
Oh that's fine.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Oh no, that wasn't cool.
Keane Winters, cat for sale.
Are you selling my cat?
Sorry, bad joke.
God, am I glad to hear from you,
been calling.
I know, I'm outside.
May I come in?
Of course.
Well, you don't
have to call first.
I didn't want to
interrupt any meetings
you might have have
had with women.
Oh well, I'll just make sure
to keep all the women locked
in my bedroom,
while you're here.
It's a joke, Sally.
It's just me.
Good morning.
Petunia!
Come to Mommy!
Oh Petunia!
Oh sweetheart, oh my
little sweetheart.
You know, Keane, you
do beautiful work.
I've never understood
your parents contempt
for what you do with your hands.
How are you feeling?
Listen, I'm sorry
about this, Keane.
For Petunia.
But I thought you were...
I've got a
special blanket, too.
She'll need it for nap times.
Sally, what's going on?
Now, listen, I'm sorry.
I can't take her back quite yet.
I need you to keep
her a little longer.
Do you think you can do
that without selling her?
I was just kidding about that.
What do you need?
I need you to make
this transition for her
as easy as possible.
Tuna's her favorite food.
Okay, done.
What can I do for you now?
You know, Keane,
I never got a chance
to get to know you as a child.
My few memories of you
are all from Christmas.
Those are beautiful
memories for me.
Those memories were
filled with love.
And it's that love,
that's why I chose you
to care for my Petunia.
Do forgive me, Keane.
It's Christmas, and I'm banking
on the goodwill of the season
to maybe make you more
inclined to forgive me.
I am inclined to forgive you.
You two take good
care of each other.
I'll be in touch with you soon.
Thank you, Keane.
Hi.
Hi, where's Pita?
I came here to see you.
Will you forgive me, Willa?
Look, it's Christmas,
and I'm hoping the season
will make you more inclined
to forgive me.
And if you asked me
to the dance today,
I'd say yes, in a heartbeat.
I forgive you.
You're not opening
for another hour, right?
Right.
Okay, have coffee with me.
That's your jacket?
Okay, yeah.
- Tina.
- Hey, Tina.
Oh.
Been a while since you
were here with a man, honey.
You know I didn't
like your last one.
But I do like this one.
Haven't seen you much this week.
How is that Vallejo
Street project coming?
Almost done.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
You've been saying
that for months.
I know.
I think he's grown
a little too attached.
You and me both.
Not likely.
How are the muffins
this morning?
Out of this world
and don't doubt it
for a single second.
I'll take two of those
and a coffee, please.
Yes, you will.
I know it's out there.
I don't know if it's
out there for me.
But you're the one
who wants everyone
to believe in the
magic of Christmas.
Yeah, but it's different.
I mean, Christmastime has
a positive connotation.
It brings warmth and joy.
It comes the same
time every year,
no matter the weather.
Good point.
You can count on it.
But not on love?
See, I don't think
it's always like that.
For some people, love is
real and long-lasting.
But not you?
I just don't
feel things deeply.
I don't know if
I believe that.
I mean, I've seen the
way you are with Petunia.
Right, exactly.
You've seen me dump her on you.
Just when you're working.
You've never asked me
to board her overnight.
You board overnight?
You know what I mean.
She frustrates you.
But you still spend
the time and the money
to make sure that she's
well taken care of.
'Cause she's my aunt's cat.
Even more so.
You hardly know your aunt,
but still you took on a cat
without question or qualm.
Oh there was qualm,
loads and loads of qualm.
Okay, um,
so what are we doing here?
You,
what are you doing here with me?
I think I can feel it, too.
I'm good at now.
I can handle a now.
Because you don't attach.
Right.
Oh.
Oh!
What are you looking for?
A coin.
I want make a wish.
Huh.
How often do you toss
a coin in the fountain?
Every time I walk by.
What do you wish for?
Well,
legend states that if you
make a wish with a true heart,
then true love will find you.
Since it hasn't found me yet,
I'll wish for someone else.
Who?
You.
You got any change?
Huh, I'll tell you what.
I'll make a wish for you.
And this is my first
time, I'll have you know.
This is your first
time making a wish?
That was my first time.
Because you don't
believe in true love?
For some people, yes.
For me, not so much.
Come on.
Come on!
Bad news.
It's Sally.
Her doctor called.
Is she all right?
Yes, but she has to go into
an assisted living facility.
And she can't take care
of herself anymore.
And they have a place for her.
It's the one that she wants.
But she doesn't have the money.
Tell them I'll have it today.
Girdle your
loins, there's more.
She can't have a pet
at this facility.
Oh my God.
Have fun with that.
I don't want to
be here very badly.
Okay.
Oh, here.
I miss Petunia.
I'm glad you've got her, though.
Me too.
She's not easy to love.
But love is what she needs,
especially now,
especially for Christmas.
Thank you, Keane.
I'm just gonna put my head down.
Okay, you need some help?
Hmm, you can cover me.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
Mistletoe, $1.
Mistletoe, mistletoe for $1.
Hi, Willa.
Hi.
I'm just waiting for my
Christmas cheer to kick in.
Mistletoe, $1!
You know what, you guys?
You keep going, and
I'll catch up, okay?
Okay.
I'll see you in a sec.
Mistletoe, just $1.
Up on the rooftop,
reindeer's paws
Out jumps good
old Santa Claus
Down through the chimney,
with lots of toys
All for the little
ones' Christmas joys
Ho ho ho
Who wouldn't go
Ho, ho, ho
Who wouldn't go
up on a housetop
Click, click, click
Down through the
chimney, good Saint Nick
Yes!
Thank you very much.
That was beautiful.
It was great.
Hi.
Hi, I didn't know you
had singing talents.
I'm surprised and impressed.
Thank you.
What are you doing here?
Dance with me.
Oh no, no, I'm much worse
on the dance floor, actually.
Come on.
Give me a shot.
Come on.
I'm beginning to think that...
What's that?
You're a little bit like
those chocolate bars I keep
in my fridge in
case of emergencies.
Irresistible?
Bad for me.
You're scared.
I'm terrified.
There's nothing to fear.
Is that because
we're just, um, two
consenting adults
with animal magnetism?
This is a now thing,
just some good
old-fashioned fun.
No.
Nothing I feel about
you is old-fashioned.
Oh!
Oh, look at it!
Oh this is some wonderful
Christmas cheer.
Merry Christmas!
I love this!
It's from Eddie,
the homeless guy
that lives in the alley
behind the courtyard.
Okay.
You know, I was trying
to get him into a shelter,
but he wants to
stay where he is.
Okay.
It's that damn mistletoe.
It's not the mistletoe.
Good night.
You got it?
All right, here you go.
Jesus Christ.
Aunt Sally.
Hello, Keane?
Goddamn new-fangled phone,
can't here a damned thing.
You don't have
to bring the phone up
- to your mouth like that.
- What?
You can
just talk normal.
Oh my God, just give me,
give me a second.
I am talking normal.
I'm calling for Petunia.
Put her on the line.
Uh, Aunt Sally, I'm gonna
call you right back, okay.
I have to take this other call.
- Is there something wrong?
- Oh shit.
Hey.
I woke you up, I'm sorry.
No, actually, I'm babysitting.
I got a problem.
Aren't you supposed
to call a doctor
if that problem persists
for more than four hours?
No,
not that kind of problem.
I can't find Pita,
and I think she could
be trapped in a vent.
I'll be right there.
Search and rescue
at your service.
It's okay.
I'll put you in here, okay.
Oh.
You're, um, you're
wearing a tool belt.
That's very sexy.
Good to know.
Okay, now you stay
here and be a good boy,
and I'll give you a treat, okay.
Does that apply to all
the males in the room?
No, you got to stay, stay.
Good boy.
She went in there.
And
where does it lead?
The den.
I pulled the vent cover
from that one, too,
and she won't come out.
Yeah, chances are she
probably can't turn around.
She's a little on
the husky side.
Petunia!
Petunia!
You're killin' me.
Pita!
Pita!
I'm sure that's it.
Wait, okay, stand back.
What are
you doing with that?
I'm gonna tear down the wall.
Okay, Paul Bunyan,
let's just take a minute
and let me try this first, okay?
- Okay.
- Hey, Petunia.
Hey, I know that you
can't turn around,
and that probably
makes you very unhappy,
but I need you to push
through and come to me, okay.
Hate to break it to you,
but you finally found someone
as stubborn and obstinate...
I think I got ya!
Oh yeah, poor baby.
That's probably very
traumatizing for you, wasn't it?
Hugely, you should hold me.
All right, go ahead.
You're welcome, princess.
Don't go back in there.
We got to call Aunt Sally.
Oh how is she doing?
She's in an assisted
living facility that, um,
doesn't allow pets.
Um ,
I've a really busy day today
- at the shop.
- Really?
Yeah, it's a Santa extravaganza.
Santa extravaganza, huh?
Yeah, it's a really
big moneymaker,
and I give half the profits
to the local shelter,
Boys and Buddies.
They really need the
money, and I really got
- to get out of here.
- Well, that's...
The dog.
The dog.
I'm gonna be right back, okay?
Okay.
Willa!
Why is it always
something high up?
Oh fuck!
Keane?
Yeah.
Oh fuck, oh fuck, this is high.
What the hell?
What the hell what?
Oh my God, what are we
doing on the damn rooftop?
I come up here when
I want to be alone.
Are you afraid of heights?
No.
No, no, I'm not
afraid of heights.
Yeah, you are.
You're afraid of heights.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Maybe I'm terrified of them.
You came all the way
up here to save me?
No, I think I'm the
one who needs saving.
You know how you're supposed
to face a really
big fear, right?
No.
You just got to concentrate
on something else.
Was that enough of a
distraction for you?
If I say no, will
you distract me again?
That was the best rooftop
sex I've ever had.
Yeah, it was also the only
rooftop sex I've ever had.
It was pretty
good rooftop sex.
You know, we don't
have to do this.
Do what?
You just really don't have
to do the whole
awkward after thing.
Maybe I'm a sucker
for the awkward after.
I'm trying to give
you an out here.
You know, you,
you don't really attach,
and I don't really lock in.
I mean, really
there's the pet shop,
and customers come
and go, dogs, guys.
Really the only constant
that I have are my friends.
So...
I should go.
I'm gonna call bullshit on
that not locking in thing.
You're smart, Willa.
If you want to lock in,
as you call it, you would.
Thanks for a great night.
You know, for no
strings attached,
it was pretty amazing.
Do you need help getting down?
Over my dead body.
I'm going to
need a detailed report
of what went down last night.
I have so many problems.
If you think having a hot
guy want you is a problem,
then we need to talk.
Did Keane screw your brains
out on the rooftop last night?
And if so, was he amaze-balls?
Wait, wait, wait.
You had sex on the
roof of O'Riley's?
It was a one-time thing.
That is not what we asked you.
Yes.
- Ooh!
- Yes.
So what about a round two?
No, Keane is not
round-two material.
Honey, let me tell you
something about yourself
that you don't know.
When you lie, you speak in
an octave reserved for dogs.
If we're gonna talk
about my love life,
correction, my sex
life, not love,
what about you and Archer?
There's obviously
something going on there.
Never gonna happen.
You and Archer cause
electric fires to break out
when you so much
pass by each other.
You've heard of
opposites attract?
Me and Archer, we're a classic
case of opposites distract.
Plus, we don't even
like each other.
Right.
We don't.
Oh, I'm sorry.
What was that about
higher octaves?
Nothing.
All right, you
adorable, little beast.
Let's make some magic together.
Or make some magic with me?
Oh don't you use
your sex voice in here.
You know I had fun
the other night.
Me too.
Twice.
You mean three times.
You were counting?
Oh come on, we
both know it was four.
Keane!
Why'd you go so fast?
Aunt Sally, this
is Willa Davis,
the owner of the shop.
It's lovely to meet you.
You're the friend
who has my Petunia?
I do, and she
is safe and sound
as always whenever she's here.
As always?
As always.
Well, where is she?
Oh she's just over here, see?
Oh my.
She really likes to be
in the window where she can
- see out into the world.
- Oh Petunia!
Oh, yes, she does.
You're brilliant.
You better be a good
girl for Keane, okay.
He's a male, and he
might not know much,
but he's got a big heart,
even though he may
not know that, either.
I need a ride home now.
Christmas and love.
- Oh thank you, Eddie.
- Thank you.
You know, I never know
where to hang my mistletoe.
That's my trouble.
Oh but the trouble with
mistletoe isn't where you hang it.
It's what happens
when you're under it.
That's when the
real trouble begins.
Merry Christmas, Eddie.
- Merry Christmas, Eddie.
- Have a merry Christmas.
Hey.
I'm sorry you got
stuck with Petunia.
You said her name.
Yeah and?
Maybe you're
starting to attach.
Not a chance.
Mm-hmm.
Wow, you weren't kidding
about loving Christmas, were ya?
I don't kid about
Christmas or love.
Hmm, Harry Potter.
You know Harry Potter?
Well, no, not personally,
but I've read the books.
So you've seen the movies?
I've read the books.
Ho ho.
What, that makes me...
Bad for me,
so very bad for me.
Hmm, can I be bad
for you over dinner?
Because I'm starving.
And you're obviously hungry.
I'm always hungry, so
that doesn't really count.
Hmm?
Besides, it's like
really late, and...
And, uh...
And many reasons.
Name one.
I'm trying to
resist you, okay.
You're failing.
Mm-hmm.
- Mm.
- We have nothing in common,
except for this weird
and very annoying chemistry.
Mm-hmm.
But now, you tell me that
you've read Harry Potter.
Which one?
All of 'em.
Yeah, Keane's good.
He even got rid of
your stress wrinkles.
Look at that.
Am I being stupid?
Am I making a mistake
letting another guy in?
Is he as good of
a guy as he seems?
Well, let's see.
He hates cats, but yet he's
taking care of Petunia.
He's financially supporting
an aunt he hardly knows.
He's got an incredibly
demanding career,
but he always makes time for me.
He makes me feel good,
like special.
Well, then
there's your answer.
You actually sound so sincere,
I can't even make fun of you.
Keane.
Yes.
I guess I had too
much excitement today.
I did love meeting that
sweet pet shop owner.
She's not bad, is she?
There's so much
love in that place.
You paid my rehab center bill.
Don't worry about it,
just get better.
Is that out of concern for me
or out of concern for you,
that you might get
stuck with Petunia?
Both.
I may have to write
you into my will.
Hey, look at you,
being all nice.
I knew you had it
in you somewhere.
It's just deep, deep down.
Just don't tell anyone.
They'll think I have no chill.
Keane,
I'm dying.
No.
When?
Soon?
If you keep drilling me.
Look, I could choke
on my meds tomorrow
and go toes up just like that.
You never know.
But until I do go
, so help me,
if you take my cat to the pound,
I'll haunt you for
the rest of your life,
and then I'll follow you to hell
and haunt you for
all of eternity.
Okay.
Wow.
I guess I won't take your cat
to the pound then.
Good.
You know, I'm thinking that
Petunia might be better
than mistletoe when it
comes to matchmaking.
Mm-hmm.
Hi.
Hey.
Did a water pipe
burst on to you, too?
No, no, I've been running.
On purpose?
Can I come in?
What do you know
about plumbing?
I'm done.
Yeah?
Yeah.
So it's not gonna
keep me up all night,
forcing me to kill it.
No, no, there's no killing
for you to do tonight.
Thank you.
Be careful, I'm all sweaty.
Don't care.
- Oh, you don't, huh?
- Mm-mm.
Let's get in the shower.
Come on.
Hey.
Good morning.
Good morning.
There's something
I'd like to give you.
What's that?
It's a key
to the Vallejo house.
Why?
I mean, I can't just let
myself into your house.
Why not?
Because that's
a really big step.
It doesn't have to be.
Um...
Well, it's just, it's
just a damn key, Willa.
Okay, never mind.
You just, you just caught
me off guard, that's all.
Okay, another time, maybe.
Wait, Keane.
What am I to you, Willa?
Your friend?
The guy you're just fucking?
Someone you care about?
What?
Keane, wait!
Look, I may have
overreacted to the key.
I'm just, I'm deeper
than I meant to be.
You're not alone there.
You're not ready for this.
No, no, you don't
get to tell me
what I'm ready
for or not, Willa.
What you probably mean
is that you're not ready.
Is that right?
I don't know.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to feel.
I know.
So I'll let you figure it out,
and you get back to me.
All set?
Mm-hmm.
How long have you
two been married?
50 years.
50 of the best
years of my life.
When you find the
right one, honey,
don't ever let go.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Ever is a long time.
Interesting that you
chose that moment
to write such a text.
What moment?
After the adorable
elderly couple gushed
about forever moment.
Hey, Archer!
- Hey!
- Hey!
Merry Christmas, Spence.
Hey, guys!
Hey!
Where's Keane?
You invited him, yeah?
Yes, I sent him a text.
Does this mean you're finally
gonna stop fighting yourself
and your heart and go for it?
Maybe.
Shots, stat!
We got another one goin'
down the rabbit hole.
Thanks.
You okay?
Yeah.
No.
I'm not okay, actually.
I'm pretty far from okay.
I thought I was okay,
though, you know.
I had given up men.
And I was good at being alone.
At least, I thought I was,
till the sexiest man in the
world came into my life,
and now I just...
I don't think I'm good
at being alone anymore.
You could always
switch things up
and come bat for my team.
I don't want to switch teams.
I like my team.
I like my team a lot.
Oh shit, this means
no more sexy time.
That sucks.
This was good, I
mean, like really,
- really good.
- Um, honey.
You're right.
I don't need a team.
I just, I have a really
good shower massager.
I can just take care
of business myself.
Um, honey.
He's right behind
me, isn't he?
Yup.
I'm sorry.
I meant to be here earlier.
I really intended
to be, but, um...
What, what's wrong?
Pita's gone again.
I think she's out
of the house now.
There were a lot of workers
- at the house.
- Let's go.
- Oh, oh.
- This way, though.
This way, okay, great.
I'm sorry I took you away
from your Christmas party.
I don't mind.
I like the dress.
I wore it for you.
The invitation, was it
just for the party or
into your life?
Both.
You know, Willa,
I'm never gonna run from you.
Pita first, the rest later.
We've got time.
I like the sound of that.
Here, can you go look inside?
I'm gonna go ask the
neighbors if they've seen her.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Petunia!
Petunia!
Fuck.
Petunia.
Finally.
I called your office line first,
and your new girl answered.
I don't have a new girl.
Then
your new girlfriend.
I gave her the message,
but she suggested
to try your cell phone, since
the news is so wonderful.
What news?
We not only have
an offer, we have the offer,
15% over your asking price.
Merry Christmas, Keane.
Tell me we are
selling the Victorian.
Keane, can I accept this offer?
Yes.
Yes, accept the offer.
I found Pita.
Oh great, where
was that pain in the ass?
She crawled up in the attic.
I had to climb a
ladder and everything.
And your realtor called.
Congratulations, by the way.
Willa.
You don't owe me an explanation
for selling your house,
not for that, and
not for the fact
that you're getting
rid of Petunia.
Yeah, sorry, your phone
was ringing off the hook.
Sally's friend is coming
over tomorrow morning,
Christmas morning,
to pick up Petunia.
Yeah, she's coming
to pick up Petunia,
because she wants to give
her to her grandkids.
She wants her long-term.
And you're just giving her up.
It's not my idea.
We knew it was temporary
from the beginning.
It's not like I have a choice.
Except that you
always have a choice.
You're getting rid of the house.
You're giving up the cat.
And I'm probably next.
So, um, I'm gonna go.
I already called an Uber.
You know what's really weird?
As it turns out,
we're both pretty good at
being temporary specialists
and creating an escape clause.
Well, I didn't
plan an escape clause
when I fell in love with you.
What?
Keane.
Hey.
What are you doing
out here so late?
Just making a wish,
world peace and all that.
When did you become the
adult of our little twosome?
Since you dragged
me into adulthood,
kicking and screaming.
Merry Christmas.
You didn't have
to get me anything.
Willa, three years ago,
I was living on the street.
You took me in.
You gave me a job.
You've forced fed me morals
and honesty and trust,
so yes, I'm giving you a
Christmas present, okay.
Wait, I thought you'd
be with Keane tonight.
That's not really
gonna work out.
Why not?
It's complicated.
Complicated, as in you
got scared he's not a dog
or a cat or a wayward teen
who needs taking care of
until it finds its final home?
He's a good guy, Willa.
We all think so.
Look, if you can't
trust yourself,
then maybe you can trust
the collective certainty
of the people who love
and care about you.
Don't find him a
different permanent home
than with you, Willa.
He's not a dog.
Exactly.
I'm heading to Tahoe.
I will see you in a few days.
Merry Christmas.
For months, I've tossed coins
into this fountain,
wishing for love.
And then I panic when I
finally get what I wish for.
Maybe I am too stubborn and
obstinate to see any reason.
Yeah, and so that's
how she knows she wasn't
in Jersey, anymore.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Oh, you all right?
I think I am too stubborn and
obstinate to see any reason.
I made a really big mistake.
I need a ride.
Where to?
Keane's.
No shit.
I need an address.
You know what?
He doesn't have a tree.
Let's stop and get him one.
I think there's a lot on Third.
I love it.
I really don't
need an audience for this.
Tough, you're family,
and family sticks
together on Christmas.
Hope they're opened.
Oh.
Oh man, you think
they're opened?
It's damned near
midnight on Christmas Eve!
Sorry, sir, it's a bit
of a Christmas emergency.
Is that all you got?
Well, I got one more
there in the trailer.
It's slightly used, but it's
the best one on this lot.
How much
is that gonna cost us?
No, I can't.
I can't take your tree.
I'll tell you what.
I got a hot date with
the missus tonight.
I'd rather have that 50 bucks.
- Okay then.
- Okay then.
Honey, we're goin' out!
I'm okay.
You guys can leave, and
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
We're not going anywhere.
Yeah, we're staying.
Right.
So wave
when you're ready,
and we'll bring it up.
Okay.
Good luck, Willa.
Oh yeah, don't
worry about them.
How long are they
gonna stay out there?
Until I get my life together.
Do they know that
might take a while?
Want to come in?
Come on, big girl.
So,
you love me?
You did hear me.
From the moment you
let me into your shop,
that first morning, giving
me all this attitude,
you changed my life
with your huge heart
and your easy affection
and your smile.
I love you, too, Keane.
And I'm really sorry
that I ran off like that,
and I panicked.
I blamed you for
being closed off,
but the truth is
it was me.
I let you in,
and I fell hard.
And then I got scared.
It's not just on you.
It's on me, too.
I got scared, too.
I should've told you
about the house being up
for sale and the offers.
Okay, the truth
is you were right.
I didn't really want to sell it.
Then why are you?
I'm not.
I rescinded my acceptance offer.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, now I realize
that this house is not
just a house to me.
It's, uh,
it's my home.
And when you're ready,
if you choose it to be,
I would like for it
to be yours, too.
I actually really want
to, because I love you.
I've risked everything
for my business.
I think it's about time I
risked my heart for you.
Does risking your heart
include letting me
put up Christmas tree?
I think it's a little
late for that, no?
- No.
- No?
- It's not.
- No?
Tree delivery service.
- Whoa.
- Ooh, whoa.
You got it?
Where do you want it?
Wherever she wants it.
- Oh, in there.
- Good answer.
You good?
- Um...
Yeah, she's good.
All right, merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas, guys.
- Bye, guys.
- Merry Christmas.
Thanks, guys.
The holidays are gonna
be insane, aren't they?
Oh yeah.
Are you scared?
Bring it.
Oh, wait!
Oh my God, so close.
Oh.
Yes.
Wait.
Why is the tree
decorated already?
Oh, we, uh, that's,
it's a really long story.
Oh.
I hope it will be.
wishes come true yet?
Not yet.
Hey, how are you doing, Eddie?
I'm just waiting for that
Christmas cheer to kick in.
Tina's finest.
All right.
I'm gonna go enjoy these
over by the Presidio.
Okay.
Hi.
Hey you.
All right, everybody, sit.
Everybody, sit.
Rory, I could use an extra
set of hands in here.
Come here, guys.
There we go, there we go, oh.
You are not gonna butter me up.
No, you're not.
You're just not gonna do it.
You smell so much better
when you are clean.
It's only the 1st of December,
and it looks like
Christmas threw up in here.
Yeah, but,
in a classy way, right?
Right.
All right, you
stay in here and be all cute
and bring me lots
of customers, okay?
Oh, a package came for you.
Yes, they finally came.
Oh my God.
Is that a bowl of
penis headbands?
No, they are reindeer
antlers for dogs, see?
Oh my God, do not put it on!
It's called marketing.
And to think you
can't get a date.
No, not can't, don't want.
That's very, very different.
Oh shit, they do
look like penises.
I am gonna head over to
Tina's for some coffee.
Do you want anything?
Just my usual.
Oh, and if she has any of
those muffins left over,
grab me some more of those.
Yes.
If there's any
change left over,
could you toss a coin
in the fountain for me?
So you're on a
self-imposed man embargo,
but you still want
to wish on true love.
Yes, that's right.
Thank you.
See you soon.
- Bye, Rory.
- Bye.
Okay.
Oh shit.
Oh, yes, hi.
Um...
Sorry, um, um,
I'm, I'm closed.
I don't open until nine.
I have to board
this cat today.
I'll pay double.
I don't mind.
I'm, I'm sorry.
I'm, I'm all booked up.
I.
- Oh honey.
- See.
Aren't you beautiful?
Oh yeah, you just don't like
that carrier very much, do you?
What the hell?
What?
My great-aunt Sally
dropped the cat off
with me last night, and
as soon as she left,
this thing went nuts.
What did she do?
She peed in my bed.
She scratched my mattress.
What else did she do?
She broke my phone
and my tablet.
Maybe she's just upset
that she's not at home
and missing your aunt.
What's her name?
Petunia, but I'm going for Pita,
short for pain in the ass.
I'll take her for today only.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Name's Keane by the
way, Keane Winters.
You are?
Willa Davis.
Nice to meet you, Willa.
Thank you so much for
doing this for me.
I'm doing it for Petunia.
Right, of course.
One little question,
do you always wear
X-rated headbands?
Um,
are you referring to
my reindeer antlers?
Right, of course ,
they're antlers, Christmas.
Just be sure to pick her
up before we close at five.
And please do not be late,
because I have a wedding
later this evening.
Hope it's not yours.
Tell us more about
the guy with the cat.
Are we looking at his ass?
No, we are not
looking at his ass.
Well, we are missing
out, because wow.
I mean, it really
is a really great ass.
I gave up men, remember?
And he is the start of why.
Go on.
Wait, you got to tell us,
and I have to go to work soon.
His name is Keane Winters.
We went to high school together.
Wait, what?
You went to high
school with him?
How well did you
know each other?
Obviously not well,
so can we change the topic
and talk about something else?
What do you guys
want to listen to?
Oh...
- Not Christmas music.
- Anything but
Christmas music.
How about this one?
You are a sick woman.
I know, but you love it.
"Winters specializes in
buying up dilapidated projects
"in prime areas and turning them
"into heart-stopping,
must-have properties.
"He doesn't find use
for sentimentality,
"ruthlessly selling each of
them off as he completes them."
Wow.
Dude, we need to get
the guys in here this week
to help work on
the loft since you
and your height
phobia thing can't.
Are you listening to me?
Sure.
He's not listening to me.
No, not a single word.
Well, maybe he'll listen to me.
Did you get the link
I sent you, boss,
the article on you
in the newspaper?
Hello, we're getting tons
of offers because of it.
I got to go.
I got to go pick up the
cat, and I can't be late.
Well, I can grab her for you.
What, okay, I offer to do
nice stuff all the time.
- Okay, yeah?
- Uh-huh.
Name one, name one time.
Oh great.
Hey.
Hey.
Do you know where Willa is?
No, no, no, no, no!
Come on, come on!
Shit!
Dammit!
Come on!
It's not the gun.
It's the operator.
No, it's broken, actually.
Hmm, hmm.
No, you're just out of staples.
Oh.
You do know this is only
three-feet high, right?
Yeah, it's perfect.
In what universe
is that perfect?
It's a dog wedding.
There's gonna be a dog
wedding here, in the courtyard?
In less than an
hour, if I don't manage
to mess everything up.
Oh, I'm the wedding
planner.
That's great.
So where's the little terror?
Oh you mean Petunia?
Yeah.
Oh, she's in the shop,
sleeping in the warmest place
in between Macaroni and Luna,
two of the pets that
I'm babysitting.
No.
Now that's Photoshopped, right?
No.
Oh thank God, Spence
and Archer are here.
The wedding dogs?
No, two of my best friends.
Hey, you here
for the groom or the bride?
Neither.
Whoo, tough crowd.
- Okay.
- No, no, no, no, no,
- no, no, no, no, no.
- What's going on?
I have a wedding
cake emergency.
Oh no, I have way
too much to do.
- Fuck, I got to...
- Go ahead.
I'll take care of this.
Seriously?
Yeah.
It's got to be perfect.
Are you sure?
I mean, this is a
very discerning bride.
She likes things
very, very specific.
I think I can manage it.
Okay, if you're positive,
and I'll just be right back.
No problem.
Okay, thank you.
You know, the last guy
she dated played games
with her head.
They never did find
the body, did they?
Good to know.
Great talk, guys.
I'm gonna finish
this dog gazebo now.
The carob is
melting faster now,
so they can't write on the cake.
Don't worry, you
know I got you.
All right, what's
with the weird vibe?
We're just making sure
this guy passes muster,
you know, after Ethan.
No, no, no, he's not a date.
He's not a future date.
And he sure shit is
not a past date, okay?
- Yeah.
- Good.
Thank you very
much for your help.
- I really appreciate it.
- You're welcome.
- But I...
- How do you know
I'm not a future date?
You know, excuse me,
the wedding's gonna
start really soon.
Good night, thanks
for your help.
Need help?
That's not necessary.
Because I'm not a
present or a future?
Not it, it's more like, um...
What was that?
Animal magnetism.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna
go get Petunia for you.
Thank you for the help.
Yeah.
You know, they really do
make a good-looking couple.
I like that lipstick shade on you.
Yeah, back to hot-as-balls guy,
more info, please.
Are you hoping he'll
show up this morning?
No, the same answer I've
had every other morning
since the poodle wedding.
Few years old.
You're gonna want to see this.
No, I'm not.
No, really, you want to see this.
He's in a suit.
- What?
- Yup.
My eyes don't know what
to do with themselves.
He looks good in clothes.
I can't decide which is
the hotter look for him,
hot and suited up or
hot and in Levi's.
Yeah, it might be a draw.
So you do like him.
No, but I mean,
I'm not dead, look at him.
Swipe the panic
off your face
and add a smile.
Am I interrupting?
Hi.
Hi, tell me you have
time for Pita, today.
Keane?
Yeah?
Just checking, I wasn't sure
if you had an identical twin.
Yes, and the cat hates both of us.
You're welcome.
Interesting.
I'm not kissing you.
No, but if you take Pita,
I'll kiss you.
That's not necessary.
Okay.
Do we know each other?
Why, do you remember
me from somewhere?
No, no, never mind.
Please, I got a closing
I got to get to.
- Thank you.
- Don't be late.
Or else what?
Have a good day.
Hello.
Oh come here.
So?
Obviously, there's
more to the story.
He stood me up in high school.
Being stood up like that,
by him at that particular
time in my life was
memorably traumatic.
And you guys remember the
torture of high school.
Maybe you don't, because you
were popular like Keane was,
but I, on the other hand,
was completely invisible.
It just
really did a number
on my self-esteem.
Okay, we stay mad at him then.
Thank you.
Oh you're a good
boy, aren't you?
Yes, you are.
Who's a good boy?
I do have my moments.
I didn't hear you come in.
You changed.
I did.
You know, I was working on
electricity for part of the day.
Hey, Rory, can you
come take Carl for me?
Sure thing.
Up!
Good job!
I'm sorry I was late.
I'll pay late fees.
It's fine.
It was just a few minutes.
Besides, I wouldn't have
wanted you to get zapped
by electricity or
anything like that
if you were rushing.
You run a smart business.
You know that?
What you've built.
Any news on your aunt?
No, unfortunately.
Okay, please tell me
your secret with her.
Oh I just speak the
same language, I guess.
And what language is that?
The language of loneliness.
Something a man like
you wouldn't understand.
You'd be surprised.
Have dinner with me.
Oh no, no, no, I'm sorry.
I wasn't angling for a date.
Oh, I know.
It's just that I'm here, and
I want to keep talking to you.
And my stomach is growling
at me like a wild beast,
and I can hear yours,
too, so let's go eat.
Just like that?
Yeah, just like that.
Maybe I don't like you.
Maybe?
I haven't decided yet.
Okay.
Let me know when you do.
You ready?
You know she's
just ornery enough
to knock herself off
the seat and then die
and then come back to haunt me.
Hell, no, I'm not...
I'm sorry.
I just need to drop
Pita off at home.
Okay.
Come on, Pita.
You live here?
Um, well, it's one of
my renovation projects.
- It's also my office.
- Wow.
And where I temporarily
park my head at night.
You want to see inside?
Okay.
Oh wow.
All right.
Come on, Pita.
All right, stay in there then.
It's beautiful.
It's one of the most beautiful
homes I've ever seen.
There aren't any
holiday decorations.
No, no time.
I got three projects
going on right now.
This is one of them.
Not even a Christmas tree?
Not even a Christmas tree.
So how did you get
into all of this?
Well,
I begged and borrowed
and stole money for the
first fallen property.
I just worked my ass off not
to lose my shorts over the deal.
Well, it's amazing.
Yeah, I've had this
place the longest.
It's taken the most work
of any other project.
I really need to put it
on the market, though.
I should've done it by now.
Maybe you're attached.
I don't get attached.
Ever?
No.
Ingrate.
You ready?
Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
I'm good.
Do you go nuts for all the
holidays or just Christmas?
All of 'em.
Wow, that's a lot of work.
It's kind of holdover
from when I was a kid,
'cause we didn't always
get to celebrate 'em.
And so I guess I'm just
making up for it now.
Your parents didn't like 'em.
No, um, my dad actually
got himself killed
when I was two, and
he was out hunting.
And my mom, she had me
when she was really young,
like really young, and just
was never really cut out
for the parenting thing.
She would always go crazy,
and then I would end
up back in the system.
How long were you in the system?
At least once a year, till I was 18.
Wow.
Then I'm glad you're treating
yourself to the holidays.
What about you?
What about me what?
The holidays?
I was a late-in-life,
unhappy surprise
to a couple of
college professors
who had had two
daughters already.
They were really
into their work,
and the holidays got in
the way of that work.
Do you still talk to them?
No, not as much as we should.
I mean, I barely even knew
I had a great-aunt Sally
until she showed up on my
doorstep two weeks ago.
Really?
Yeah, some family feud
between my grandma and Sally
that split the family.
Sorry, that's too bad.
Well, I'm pretty sure we
would've drifted apart anyway.
We're not much for
emotions, us Winterses.
You don't really need
to find a parking space.
I can just get out here,
but thank you so much
for dinner, thanks.
Willa.
Willa, wait!
Wait, hey, why do you
keep running from me?
I'm missing something here,
something big, I think.
Just tell me, no
more games, okay?
We went to high
school together
for a year.
What?
You were this popular
football player,
and I was a nobody.
It was the Sadie Hawkins Dance.
You were the only person
I wanted to invite,
out of every guy in
the whole school.
But I was new, and I
didn't have any friends
to talk me out of it.
That was my first
and my last dance.
Okay, please run that
by me one more time.
No, I'm not
gonna say it again.
It's hard enough
to live through,
let alone say out loud.
Why don't I remember you?
'Cause you're an asshole?
I don't, I don't really know.
What about me is so forgettable?
You are the most unforgettable
person I've ever met.
Don't say that.
Tell me what I said that day.
You said, "Sounds cool."
And I floated home.
I didn't have a dress.
I didn't have shoes.
I didn't even have money to
buy a ticket for the dance.
But somehow, I got myself
to be worthy enough
for a date with Keane Winters.
I don't remember.
18-year-old guys are assholes.
And I'm sure I was one of them.
Tell me the rest.
There's nothing more to say.
You never showed.
And you never
looked at me again.
And that's the end of the story,
then and now.
Wow, an actual purr?
Be careful, you may
start to like me.
Ouch, okay, still
not friends, come on.
Pita.
Pita.
And you're sweating
like me this high.
Almost there.
Oh that's fine.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Oh no, that wasn't cool.
Keane Winters, cat for sale.
Are you selling my cat?
Sorry, bad joke.
God, am I glad to hear from you,
been calling.
I know, I'm outside.
May I come in?
Of course.
Well, you don't
have to call first.
I didn't want to
interrupt any meetings
you might have have
had with women.
Oh well, I'll just make sure
to keep all the women locked
in my bedroom,
while you're here.
It's a joke, Sally.
It's just me.
Good morning.
Petunia!
Come to Mommy!
Oh Petunia!
Oh sweetheart, oh my
little sweetheart.
You know, Keane, you
do beautiful work.
I've never understood
your parents contempt
for what you do with your hands.
How are you feeling?
Listen, I'm sorry
about this, Keane.
For Petunia.
But I thought you were...
I've got a
special blanket, too.
She'll need it for nap times.
Sally, what's going on?
Now, listen, I'm sorry.
I can't take her back quite yet.
I need you to keep
her a little longer.
Do you think you can do
that without selling her?
I was just kidding about that.
What do you need?
I need you to make
this transition for her
as easy as possible.
Tuna's her favorite food.
Okay, done.
What can I do for you now?
You know, Keane,
I never got a chance
to get to know you as a child.
My few memories of you
are all from Christmas.
Those are beautiful
memories for me.
Those memories were
filled with love.
And it's that love,
that's why I chose you
to care for my Petunia.
Do forgive me, Keane.
It's Christmas, and I'm banking
on the goodwill of the season
to maybe make you more
inclined to forgive me.
I am inclined to forgive you.
You two take good
care of each other.
I'll be in touch with you soon.
Thank you, Keane.
Hi.
Hi, where's Pita?
I came here to see you.
Will you forgive me, Willa?
Look, it's Christmas,
and I'm hoping the season
will make you more inclined
to forgive me.
And if you asked me
to the dance today,
I'd say yes, in a heartbeat.
I forgive you.
You're not opening
for another hour, right?
Right.
Okay, have coffee with me.
That's your jacket?
Okay, yeah.
- Tina.
- Hey, Tina.
Oh.
Been a while since you
were here with a man, honey.
You know I didn't
like your last one.
But I do like this one.
Haven't seen you much this week.
How is that Vallejo
Street project coming?
Almost done.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
You've been saying
that for months.
I know.
I think he's grown
a little too attached.
You and me both.
Not likely.
How are the muffins
this morning?
Out of this world
and don't doubt it
for a single second.
I'll take two of those
and a coffee, please.
Yes, you will.
I know it's out there.
I don't know if it's
out there for me.
But you're the one
who wants everyone
to believe in the
magic of Christmas.
Yeah, but it's different.
I mean, Christmastime has
a positive connotation.
It brings warmth and joy.
It comes the same
time every year,
no matter the weather.
Good point.
You can count on it.
But not on love?
See, I don't think
it's always like that.
For some people, love is
real and long-lasting.
But not you?
I just don't
feel things deeply.
I don't know if
I believe that.
I mean, I've seen the
way you are with Petunia.
Right, exactly.
You've seen me dump her on you.
Just when you're working.
You've never asked me
to board her overnight.
You board overnight?
You know what I mean.
She frustrates you.
But you still spend
the time and the money
to make sure that she's
well taken care of.
'Cause she's my aunt's cat.
Even more so.
You hardly know your aunt,
but still you took on a cat
without question or qualm.
Oh there was qualm,
loads and loads of qualm.
Okay, um,
so what are we doing here?
You,
what are you doing here with me?
I think I can feel it, too.
I'm good at now.
I can handle a now.
Because you don't attach.
Right.
Oh.
Oh!
What are you looking for?
A coin.
I want make a wish.
Huh.
How often do you toss
a coin in the fountain?
Every time I walk by.
What do you wish for?
Well,
legend states that if you
make a wish with a true heart,
then true love will find you.
Since it hasn't found me yet,
I'll wish for someone else.
Who?
You.
You got any change?
Huh, I'll tell you what.
I'll make a wish for you.
And this is my first
time, I'll have you know.
This is your first
time making a wish?
That was my first time.
Because you don't
believe in true love?
For some people, yes.
For me, not so much.
Come on.
Come on!
Bad news.
It's Sally.
Her doctor called.
Is she all right?
Yes, but she has to go into
an assisted living facility.
And she can't take care
of herself anymore.
And they have a place for her.
It's the one that she wants.
But she doesn't have the money.
Tell them I'll have it today.
Girdle your
loins, there's more.
She can't have a pet
at this facility.
Oh my God.
Have fun with that.
I don't want to
be here very badly.
Okay.
Oh, here.
I miss Petunia.
I'm glad you've got her, though.
Me too.
She's not easy to love.
But love is what she needs,
especially now,
especially for Christmas.
Thank you, Keane.
I'm just gonna put my head down.
Okay, you need some help?
Hmm, you can cover me.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
You're welcome.
Mistletoe, $1.
Mistletoe, mistletoe for $1.
Hi, Willa.
Hi.
I'm just waiting for my
Christmas cheer to kick in.
Mistletoe, $1!
You know what, you guys?
You keep going, and
I'll catch up, okay?
Okay.
I'll see you in a sec.
Mistletoe, just $1.
Up on the rooftop,
reindeer's paws
Out jumps good
old Santa Claus
Down through the chimney,
with lots of toys
All for the little
ones' Christmas joys
Ho ho ho
Who wouldn't go
Ho, ho, ho
Who wouldn't go
up on a housetop
Click, click, click
Down through the
chimney, good Saint Nick
Yes!
Thank you very much.
That was beautiful.
It was great.
Hi.
Hi, I didn't know you
had singing talents.
I'm surprised and impressed.
Thank you.
What are you doing here?
Dance with me.
Oh no, no, I'm much worse
on the dance floor, actually.
Come on.
Give me a shot.
Come on.
I'm beginning to think that...
What's that?
You're a little bit like
those chocolate bars I keep
in my fridge in
case of emergencies.
Irresistible?
Bad for me.
You're scared.
I'm terrified.
There's nothing to fear.
Is that because
we're just, um, two
consenting adults
with animal magnetism?
This is a now thing,
just some good
old-fashioned fun.
No.
Nothing I feel about
you is old-fashioned.
Oh!
Oh, look at it!
Oh this is some wonderful
Christmas cheer.
Merry Christmas!
I love this!
It's from Eddie,
the homeless guy
that lives in the alley
behind the courtyard.
Okay.
You know, I was trying
to get him into a shelter,
but he wants to
stay where he is.
Okay.
It's that damn mistletoe.
It's not the mistletoe.
Good night.
You got it?
All right, here you go.
Jesus Christ.
Aunt Sally.
Hello, Keane?
Goddamn new-fangled phone,
can't here a damned thing.
You don't have
to bring the phone up
- to your mouth like that.
- What?
You can
just talk normal.
Oh my God, just give me,
give me a second.
I am talking normal.
I'm calling for Petunia.
Put her on the line.
Uh, Aunt Sally, I'm gonna
call you right back, okay.
I have to take this other call.
- Is there something wrong?
- Oh shit.
Hey.
I woke you up, I'm sorry.
No, actually, I'm babysitting.
I got a problem.
Aren't you supposed
to call a doctor
if that problem persists
for more than four hours?
No,
not that kind of problem.
I can't find Pita,
and I think she could
be trapped in a vent.
I'll be right there.
Search and rescue
at your service.
It's okay.
I'll put you in here, okay.
Oh.
You're, um, you're
wearing a tool belt.
That's very sexy.
Good to know.
Okay, now you stay
here and be a good boy,
and I'll give you a treat, okay.
Does that apply to all
the males in the room?
No, you got to stay, stay.
Good boy.
She went in there.
And
where does it lead?
The den.
I pulled the vent cover
from that one, too,
and she won't come out.
Yeah, chances are she
probably can't turn around.
She's a little on
the husky side.
Petunia!
Petunia!
You're killin' me.
Pita!
Pita!
I'm sure that's it.
Wait, okay, stand back.
What are
you doing with that?
I'm gonna tear down the wall.
Okay, Paul Bunyan,
let's just take a minute
and let me try this first, okay?
- Okay.
- Hey, Petunia.
Hey, I know that you
can't turn around,
and that probably
makes you very unhappy,
but I need you to push
through and come to me, okay.
Hate to break it to you,
but you finally found someone
as stubborn and obstinate...
I think I got ya!
Oh yeah, poor baby.
That's probably very
traumatizing for you, wasn't it?
Hugely, you should hold me.
All right, go ahead.
You're welcome, princess.
Don't go back in there.
We got to call Aunt Sally.
Oh how is she doing?
She's in an assisted
living facility that, um,
doesn't allow pets.
Um ,
I've a really busy day today
- at the shop.
- Really?
Yeah, it's a Santa extravaganza.
Santa extravaganza, huh?
Yeah, it's a really
big moneymaker,
and I give half the profits
to the local shelter,
Boys and Buddies.
They really need the
money, and I really got
- to get out of here.
- Well, that's...
The dog.
The dog.
I'm gonna be right back, okay?
Okay.
Willa!
Why is it always
something high up?
Oh fuck!
Keane?
Yeah.
Oh fuck, oh fuck, this is high.
What the hell?
What the hell what?
Oh my God, what are we
doing on the damn rooftop?
I come up here when
I want to be alone.
Are you afraid of heights?
No.
No, no, I'm not
afraid of heights.
Yeah, you are.
You're afraid of heights.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Maybe I'm terrified of them.
You came all the way
up here to save me?
No, I think I'm the
one who needs saving.
You know how you're supposed
to face a really
big fear, right?
No.
You just got to concentrate
on something else.
Was that enough of a
distraction for you?
If I say no, will
you distract me again?
That was the best rooftop
sex I've ever had.
Yeah, it was also the only
rooftop sex I've ever had.
It was pretty
good rooftop sex.
You know, we don't
have to do this.
Do what?
You just really don't have
to do the whole
awkward after thing.
Maybe I'm a sucker
for the awkward after.
I'm trying to give
you an out here.
You know, you,
you don't really attach,
and I don't really lock in.
I mean, really
there's the pet shop,
and customers come
and go, dogs, guys.
Really the only constant
that I have are my friends.
So...
I should go.
I'm gonna call bullshit on
that not locking in thing.
You're smart, Willa.
If you want to lock in,
as you call it, you would.
Thanks for a great night.
You know, for no
strings attached,
it was pretty amazing.
Do you need help getting down?
Over my dead body.
I'm going to
need a detailed report
of what went down last night.
I have so many problems.
If you think having a hot
guy want you is a problem,
then we need to talk.
Did Keane screw your brains
out on the rooftop last night?
And if so, was he amaze-balls?
Wait, wait, wait.
You had sex on the
roof of O'Riley's?
It was a one-time thing.
That is not what we asked you.
Yes.
- Ooh!
- Yes.
So what about a round two?
No, Keane is not
round-two material.
Honey, let me tell you
something about yourself
that you don't know.
When you lie, you speak in
an octave reserved for dogs.
If we're gonna talk
about my love life,
correction, my sex
life, not love,
what about you and Archer?
There's obviously
something going on there.
Never gonna happen.
You and Archer cause
electric fires to break out
when you so much
pass by each other.
You've heard of
opposites attract?
Me and Archer, we're a classic
case of opposites distract.
Plus, we don't even
like each other.
Right.
We don't.
Oh, I'm sorry.
What was that about
higher octaves?
Nothing.
All right, you
adorable, little beast.
Let's make some magic together.
Or make some magic with me?
Oh don't you use
your sex voice in here.
You know I had fun
the other night.
Me too.
Twice.
You mean three times.
You were counting?
Oh come on, we
both know it was four.
Keane!
Why'd you go so fast?
Aunt Sally, this
is Willa Davis,
the owner of the shop.
It's lovely to meet you.
You're the friend
who has my Petunia?
I do, and she
is safe and sound
as always whenever she's here.
As always?
As always.
Well, where is she?
Oh she's just over here, see?
Oh my.
She really likes to be
in the window where she can
- see out into the world.
- Oh Petunia!
Oh, yes, she does.
You're brilliant.
You better be a good
girl for Keane, okay.
He's a male, and he
might not know much,
but he's got a big heart,
even though he may
not know that, either.
I need a ride home now.
Christmas and love.
- Oh thank you, Eddie.
- Thank you.
You know, I never know
where to hang my mistletoe.
That's my trouble.
Oh but the trouble with
mistletoe isn't where you hang it.
It's what happens
when you're under it.
That's when the
real trouble begins.
Merry Christmas, Eddie.
- Merry Christmas, Eddie.
- Have a merry Christmas.
Hey.
I'm sorry you got
stuck with Petunia.
You said her name.
Yeah and?
Maybe you're
starting to attach.
Not a chance.
Mm-hmm.
Wow, you weren't kidding
about loving Christmas, were ya?
I don't kid about
Christmas or love.
Hmm, Harry Potter.
You know Harry Potter?
Well, no, not personally,
but I've read the books.
So you've seen the movies?
I've read the books.
Ho ho.
What, that makes me...
Bad for me,
so very bad for me.
Hmm, can I be bad
for you over dinner?
Because I'm starving.
And you're obviously hungry.
I'm always hungry, so
that doesn't really count.
Hmm?
Besides, it's like
really late, and...
And, uh...
And many reasons.
Name one.
I'm trying to
resist you, okay.
You're failing.
Mm-hmm.
- Mm.
- We have nothing in common,
except for this weird
and very annoying chemistry.
Mm-hmm.
But now, you tell me that
you've read Harry Potter.
Which one?
All of 'em.
Yeah, Keane's good.
He even got rid of
your stress wrinkles.
Look at that.
Am I being stupid?
Am I making a mistake
letting another guy in?
Is he as good of
a guy as he seems?
Well, let's see.
He hates cats, but yet he's
taking care of Petunia.
He's financially supporting
an aunt he hardly knows.
He's got an incredibly
demanding career,
but he always makes time for me.
He makes me feel good,
like special.
Well, then
there's your answer.
You actually sound so sincere,
I can't even make fun of you.
Keane.
Yes.
I guess I had too
much excitement today.
I did love meeting that
sweet pet shop owner.
She's not bad, is she?
There's so much
love in that place.
You paid my rehab center bill.
Don't worry about it,
just get better.
Is that out of concern for me
or out of concern for you,
that you might get
stuck with Petunia?
Both.
I may have to write
you into my will.
Hey, look at you,
being all nice.
I knew you had it
in you somewhere.
It's just deep, deep down.
Just don't tell anyone.
They'll think I have no chill.
Keane,
I'm dying.
No.
When?
Soon?
If you keep drilling me.
Look, I could choke
on my meds tomorrow
and go toes up just like that.
You never know.
But until I do go
, so help me,
if you take my cat to the pound,
I'll haunt you for
the rest of your life,
and then I'll follow you to hell
and haunt you for
all of eternity.
Okay.
Wow.
I guess I won't take your cat
to the pound then.
Good.
You know, I'm thinking that
Petunia might be better
than mistletoe when it
comes to matchmaking.
Mm-hmm.
Hi.
Hey.
Did a water pipe
burst on to you, too?
No, no, I've been running.
On purpose?
Can I come in?
What do you know
about plumbing?
I'm done.
Yeah?
Yeah.
So it's not gonna
keep me up all night,
forcing me to kill it.
No, no, there's no killing
for you to do tonight.
Thank you.
Be careful, I'm all sweaty.
Don't care.
- Oh, you don't, huh?
- Mm-mm.
Let's get in the shower.
Come on.
Hey.
Good morning.
Good morning.
There's something
I'd like to give you.
What's that?
It's a key
to the Vallejo house.
Why?
I mean, I can't just let
myself into your house.
Why not?
Because that's
a really big step.
It doesn't have to be.
Um...
Well, it's just, it's
just a damn key, Willa.
Okay, never mind.
You just, you just caught
me off guard, that's all.
Okay, another time, maybe.
Wait, Keane.
What am I to you, Willa?
Your friend?
The guy you're just fucking?
Someone you care about?
What?
Keane, wait!
Look, I may have
overreacted to the key.
I'm just, I'm deeper
than I meant to be.
You're not alone there.
You're not ready for this.
No, no, you don't
get to tell me
what I'm ready
for or not, Willa.
What you probably mean
is that you're not ready.
Is that right?
I don't know.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know what to feel.
I know.
So I'll let you figure it out,
and you get back to me.
All set?
Mm-hmm.
How long have you
two been married?
50 years.
50 of the best
years of my life.
When you find the
right one, honey,
don't ever let go.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Ever is a long time.
Interesting that you
chose that moment
to write such a text.
What moment?
After the adorable
elderly couple gushed
about forever moment.
Hey, Archer!
- Hey!
- Hey!
Merry Christmas, Spence.
Hey, guys!
Hey!
Where's Keane?
You invited him, yeah?
Yes, I sent him a text.
Does this mean you're finally
gonna stop fighting yourself
and your heart and go for it?
Maybe.
Shots, stat!
We got another one goin'
down the rabbit hole.
Thanks.
You okay?
Yeah.
No.
I'm not okay, actually.
I'm pretty far from okay.
I thought I was okay,
though, you know.
I had given up men.
And I was good at being alone.
At least, I thought I was,
till the sexiest man in the
world came into my life,
and now I just...
I don't think I'm good
at being alone anymore.
You could always
switch things up
and come bat for my team.
I don't want to switch teams.
I like my team.
I like my team a lot.
Oh shit, this means
no more sexy time.
That sucks.
This was good, I
mean, like really,
- really good.
- Um, honey.
You're right.
I don't need a team.
I just, I have a really
good shower massager.
I can just take care
of business myself.
Um, honey.
He's right behind
me, isn't he?
Yup.
I'm sorry.
I meant to be here earlier.
I really intended
to be, but, um...
What, what's wrong?
Pita's gone again.
I think she's out
of the house now.
There were a lot of workers
- at the house.
- Let's go.
- Oh, oh.
- This way, though.
This way, okay, great.
I'm sorry I took you away
from your Christmas party.
I don't mind.
I like the dress.
I wore it for you.
The invitation, was it
just for the party or
into your life?
Both.
You know, Willa,
I'm never gonna run from you.
Pita first, the rest later.
We've got time.
I like the sound of that.
Here, can you go look inside?
I'm gonna go ask the
neighbors if they've seen her.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Petunia!
Petunia!
Fuck.
Petunia.
Finally.
I called your office line first,
and your new girl answered.
I don't have a new girl.
Then
your new girlfriend.
I gave her the message,
but she suggested
to try your cell phone, since
the news is so wonderful.
What news?
We not only have
an offer, we have the offer,
15% over your asking price.
Merry Christmas, Keane.
Tell me we are
selling the Victorian.
Keane, can I accept this offer?
Yes.
Yes, accept the offer.
I found Pita.
Oh great, where
was that pain in the ass?
She crawled up in the attic.
I had to climb a
ladder and everything.
And your realtor called.
Congratulations, by the way.
Willa.
You don't owe me an explanation
for selling your house,
not for that, and
not for the fact
that you're getting
rid of Petunia.
Yeah, sorry, your phone
was ringing off the hook.
Sally's friend is coming
over tomorrow morning,
Christmas morning,
to pick up Petunia.
Yeah, she's coming
to pick up Petunia,
because she wants to give
her to her grandkids.
She wants her long-term.
And you're just giving her up.
It's not my idea.
We knew it was temporary
from the beginning.
It's not like I have a choice.
Except that you
always have a choice.
You're getting rid of the house.
You're giving up the cat.
And I'm probably next.
So, um, I'm gonna go.
I already called an Uber.
You know what's really weird?
As it turns out,
we're both pretty good at
being temporary specialists
and creating an escape clause.
Well, I didn't
plan an escape clause
when I fell in love with you.
What?
Keane.
Hey.
What are you doing
out here so late?
Just making a wish,
world peace and all that.
When did you become the
adult of our little twosome?
Since you dragged
me into adulthood,
kicking and screaming.
Merry Christmas.
You didn't have
to get me anything.
Willa, three years ago,
I was living on the street.
You took me in.
You gave me a job.
You've forced fed me morals
and honesty and trust,
so yes, I'm giving you a
Christmas present, okay.
Wait, I thought you'd
be with Keane tonight.
That's not really
gonna work out.
Why not?
It's complicated.
Complicated, as in you
got scared he's not a dog
or a cat or a wayward teen
who needs taking care of
until it finds its final home?
He's a good guy, Willa.
We all think so.
Look, if you can't
trust yourself,
then maybe you can trust
the collective certainty
of the people who love
and care about you.
Don't find him a
different permanent home
than with you, Willa.
He's not a dog.
Exactly.
I'm heading to Tahoe.
I will see you in a few days.
Merry Christmas.
For months, I've tossed coins
into this fountain,
wishing for love.
And then I panic when I
finally get what I wish for.
Maybe I am too stubborn and
obstinate to see any reason.
Yeah, and so that's
how she knows she wasn't
in Jersey, anymore.
Hey.
- Hi.
- Oh, you all right?
I think I am too stubborn and
obstinate to see any reason.
I made a really big mistake.
I need a ride.
Where to?
Keane's.
No shit.
I need an address.
You know what?
He doesn't have a tree.
Let's stop and get him one.
I think there's a lot on Third.
I love it.
I really don't
need an audience for this.
Tough, you're family,
and family sticks
together on Christmas.
Hope they're opened.
Oh.
Oh man, you think
they're opened?
It's damned near
midnight on Christmas Eve!
Sorry, sir, it's a bit
of a Christmas emergency.
Is that all you got?
Well, I got one more
there in the trailer.
It's slightly used, but it's
the best one on this lot.
How much
is that gonna cost us?
No, I can't.
I can't take your tree.
I'll tell you what.
I got a hot date with
the missus tonight.
I'd rather have that 50 bucks.
- Okay then.
- Okay then.
Honey, we're goin' out!
I'm okay.
You guys can leave, and
I'll talk to you tomorrow.
We're not going anywhere.
Yeah, we're staying.
Right.
So wave
when you're ready,
and we'll bring it up.
Okay.
Good luck, Willa.
Oh yeah, don't
worry about them.
How long are they
gonna stay out there?
Until I get my life together.
Do they know that
might take a while?
Want to come in?
Come on, big girl.
So,
you love me?
You did hear me.
From the moment you
let me into your shop,
that first morning, giving
me all this attitude,
you changed my life
with your huge heart
and your easy affection
and your smile.
I love you, too, Keane.
And I'm really sorry
that I ran off like that,
and I panicked.
I blamed you for
being closed off,
but the truth is
it was me.
I let you in,
and I fell hard.
And then I got scared.
It's not just on you.
It's on me, too.
I got scared, too.
I should've told you
about the house being up
for sale and the offers.
Okay, the truth
is you were right.
I didn't really want to sell it.
Then why are you?
I'm not.
I rescinded my acceptance offer.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, now I realize
that this house is not
just a house to me.
It's, uh,
it's my home.
And when you're ready,
if you choose it to be,
I would like for it
to be yours, too.
I actually really want
to, because I love you.
I've risked everything
for my business.
I think it's about time I
risked my heart for you.
Does risking your heart
include letting me
put up Christmas tree?
I think it's a little
late for that, no?
- No.
- No?
- It's not.
- No?
Tree delivery service.
- Whoa.
- Ooh, whoa.
You got it?
Where do you want it?
Wherever she wants it.
- Oh, in there.
- Good answer.
You good?
- Um...
Yeah, she's good.
All right, merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas, guys.
- Bye, guys.
- Merry Christmas.
Thanks, guys.
The holidays are gonna
be insane, aren't they?
Oh yeah.
Are you scared?
Bring it.
Oh, wait!
Oh my God, so close.
Oh.
Yes.
Wait.
Why is the tree
decorated already?
Oh, we, uh, that's,
it's a really long story.
Oh.
I hope it will be.