The Videoblogs (2016) Movie Script
I haven't seen anyone
outside of work and
therapy, not for weeks.
I haven't talked to my parents.
We've texted here and there.
But that's it really.
I'm going to hate
text messaging.
When it comes to
conversations about real life,
what the fuck is a text anyway?
Except a way to get
what you want and need
without having to earn
the right to a response.
I don't know what's
going on with me.
I don't even know myself.
I don't know if I should care.
I haven't consistently, no.
[Man] Why not?
You don't have a reason?
[Woman] I'm sure
there must be one.
[Man] What's the first
thing that comes to mind?
That it's boring.
It's tiring.
It hurts my hand.
[Man] It hurts your hand?
When I write for a long time,
I don't hold my pen right.
I hold it like a fork.
And there's no other
way you can do it?
What do you mean?
Like type it all out,
save it to a folder?
[Man] Yeah, why not?
Whatever.
[Woman] It still
just seems boring.
It is boring.
I can't keep it up for
more than a few days
at a time.
So you're bored with efforts
to communicate with yourself?
Are other people
usually bored by you?
When you talk with them?
No, not usually.
[Man] Maybe you could think
about some more interesting ways
to keep this record of your
feelings from day to day.
(sighs)
(Apple startup tone)
It is important for me to
journal right now, I know that.
I accept it.
It is essential that
I learn to reflect.
So this is me, reflecting
In a way that's more
appropriate to the current age.
But is it better?
Writing by hand is
archaic, I know this
to be a true feeling,
I have vetted it.
I am doing this
not as a means of
finding an excuse not
to journal, but as
part of an experiment,
an adaptation.
Feels different.
I don't know if it's different
in necessarily a good way,
but I don't not know either.
Not sad tonight.
So that's a plus.
Except
because I'm not sad I don't know
what else I'm feeling either.
That doesn't mean I'm
happy, just because
I said I'm not sad.
Maybe this is an excuse to
not write my feelings out.
Maybe I'm just indulging my own
personal form of television.
Maybe I'm just years late
to the YouTube impulse,
only I'm not even
doing it right,
because it's just me.
Not watching.
Maybe I'm on to something here.
Maybe this is the
next best thing
in media entertainment.
Soon, we'll all be staring
into our own cameras
talking to ourselves
alone in our homes.
It's like the worst
mirror in the world.
One that remembers.
I don't know, mirror,
nothing happened today.
Nothing worth talking about.
I clicked around the
internet all day,
did maybe an hour's
worth of work,
got praised for it.
(scoffs)
This little entry
is hardly worth
the cost of data storage.
You hear that, mirror?
You're a waste today.
You're worthless.
It's already getting
significantly colder out,
but I wanted to be out here.
I feel better out here.
The city seems quiet.
Almost peaceful
when you look at it
from just a few floors up.
It's neither, though, obviously.
It's weird
that we don't talk
about it anymore,
all the noise and the
conflict and the pain.
I guess we're used to it.
There's some joy too, I suppose.
But that might be harder to see.
Maybe I'm just not
looking closely enough.
(sighs)
I'm angry.
I'm angry that I can't
just go away somewhere
and fix all of my problems
I'm angry that a lot of
them aren't even my fault.
I know I'm underdeveloped
emotionally,
but what about the
world that chewed me up
and spit me out into
this moment, huh?
I mean, how fucked up
is it that I resorted
to talking to
myself into a camera
in order to stay grounded
between therapy sessions?
How fucked up is it
that I still think
this is good idea?
I know what this is.
This is the only way
for me to be able to
delineate between what is
real and what I am imagining.
So it's a crutch.
So what?
This is better than
doing it to a person.
An unconscious, unfeeling
machine is not capable
of being hurt by my bullshit,
and it doesn't judge.
Yeah.
A mirror that remembers
but does not judge.
Maybe there's some
value in that.
I don't know what's
going on with me.
I don't even know myself.
I don't know if I should care.
Cass keeps trying
to get in touch.
She's not giving up.
But what the fuck am
I supposed to say?
I'm sorry I've been
out of touch but I've
pulled myself apart and
I don't know what to
make of what's left.
What's the difference anyway?
I have to go through this alone.
(crying)
It's not completely true.
I'm going to talk
to Cass, I'm going,
I'm going to end it.
I stopped communicating
with people.
I'm afraid of what
they'll think of me
as I actually am.
I wanted to record a quick entry
before I fell asleep.
Cass let me borrow
Zelda for the weekend.
I called her.
That's why I'm so tired.
We spent the whole
day out at the park
and we talked for hours.
I told her what's
been going on with me.
She's known that
I've been in therapy
and she's known for
longer than that
that I'm
that I've struggled.
That I'm a little damaged.
But she didn't know...
(sighs)
It's good that I reached out.
I'm never alone,
even if I feel
that way sometimes.
I know that on a
reasonable level,
but emotionally I forget.
(acoustic guitar music)
By the one thing you love
Pull with the threads
Say I'm not letting go
But what is the world
That we cling to it's old
Did we fall up or down?
Once we were sure
But not anymore
You know what to do
Oh it's coming around
Still you are invest
'Cause you want
what comes next
So you (mumbles)
Thanks y'all, my
name's Mike O'Malley,
I'll be your entertainment
for at least the next hour.
I promise it'll be
relatively painless.
(voices talking over each other)
[Voiceover] It's Friday.
[Voiceover] I want wine.
It's a wine kind
of night for me.
Okay, okay, I think wine
is for other weeknights.
What's the best
shot and beer combo
I can get for 10 bucks?
They're on the board.
I was halfway out the woods
And things were looking good
A herd of goats and babies
And a fence made out of wood
And horticulture's
not my thing
But mercy me you
had a pretty garden
Hey.
Hi.
You're...
Margaret.
Writer, right?
Yeah.
Sometimes.
Yeah, Brett.
I remember.
Yep.
My wife is grabbing
a table in the back
if you wanna join.
It's gonna get pretty
slammed in here later.
I'm meeting a friend.
Gotcha.
Well, we're not on
a date or anything,
so we're meeting friends
too if you change your mind.
Okay.
You should totally hang.
(cheering)
Hi.
Hey, who are you?
This is Brett.
Hi.
Hi.
I was just inviting
Margaret to come join
me and my wife in the back.
A few other friends are coming.
Cool.
Let's do it.
Okay?
Sure.
Cool.
I'm gonna go put my shit down.
(murmuring)
Sure.
(cheers)
It's the first coat he
ever bought for himself
as an adult.
No it's not.
I bought the last
one you replaced
with your mother,
who probably bought all the
others ones before that.
I picked some out.
(laughter)
I have bought a coat.
I don't believe you,
but it sounds like
you're just a Ken doll.
I picked the red one,
the one we just donated.
The ugly ski jacket.
It's not ugly, and plus
it was only 15 bucks.
One more.
Oh no.
Someone paid you 15
bucks to take it from them?
One more, Margaret.
No.
He'll keep up this refrain
all night if you let him.
(cheering)
Yeah, it's Friday!
Friday.
[Cass] It's Friday!
It's Friday.
Cheers.
Yeah (mumbles) I don't
have anything, guys.
Yay.
Two more, two more.
[Cass] Two more!
Okay!
Come on girls, Taco Time.
Taco Time.
Oh ho, so Taco Time!
(cheering and chattering)
How am I supposed to
know what you look like?
Oh, of course.
Of course you do them.
Okay, fine.
(gentle music playing)
Hi, good morning.
Can I help you
find a table or...
Did you eat?
Did I eat?
Yeah, I waited just
in case you hadn't.
I didn't want to be rude.
Is this table
okay for you both?
Um, yeah.
Sorry.
Nothing to be sorry about,
would you like a menu?
I know what I want,
she can use mine.
Okay, great, so
I'll be back in a bit.
Would you like a beverage,
something to start with?
Coffee's really good.
Yeah, it totally is.
Yeah, I know.
I'll have a coffee and
some water, please.
Great.
Why do you want
to eat with me?
I don't know.
Can I have my bag please?
Yeah, of course.
I don't mind if
you wanna check it.
I only really care
about the computer
which I know must be in
there, and the files on it.
The ones that you decided
it was okay to watch.
Well if I hadn't, it
might not have become
so important to me to
get it back to you.
Here we go, a coffee,
and water for everyone.
Do you need another minute?
Yeah, I think so.
No problem at all.
If it makes you
feel more comfortable,
I feel the same way you do.
About a lot of stuff.
Like the stuff you said,
really resonated with me.
I'm sorry I watched your videos.
It's okay.
Guess it could have gone worse.
Yeah.
Some asshole could
have found them.
When you talk about therapy,
and stuff like that,
is that a...
Where do you go to find
out about stuff like that?
I went through my insurance.
Of course.
Not all therapists
take insurance.
Many don't actually.
They get tired of insurance
companies trying to tell them
how to do their job and
how much people are worth.
The point is that you don't
have to have insurance.
Some people just pay?
I guess so.
I don't know.
I probably wouldn't
be able to afford it.
Not twice a week, at least.
I have to.
Is it something you
would be interested in?
I don't know, maybe.
I thought about it
before, but I don't know
where I'd find the time
or the money to do it.
I've got student
insurance though,
it's not too great
outside of school.
You could probably talk
to someone there, too,
if you wanted.
What you do is
great too, though.
I recorded my own
video blog after
watching yours yesterday.
I'm sorry.
I know they're supposed to
be all private and stuff,
and I shouldn't have
kept watching them
but I couldn't help it.
I go through the same
shit too, you know that.
The same shit, for reals.
Um, thank you, V.
Sure, it's no problem.
It's a little strange
how it happened,
but it was nice to meet you.
It's nice to meet you, too.
And thank you.
For what?
You know, for talking
to me and eating with me,
and for not being mad that
I watched all your videos.
Unless you are mad.
I'm just a little
uncomfortable.
Right, I understand that.
I can show you mine.
If it would help, make it fair.
You would feel
comfortable doing that?
(dog barking)
[V] Oh my God!
[Margaret] Come
inside, come inside.
[V] Oh my God!
So cute!
What's her name?
Zelda
My friend loaned her to
me for a couple of days.
Good friend?
Uh-huh.
(laughs)
I actually have to walk her.
They're beautiful.
My mom used to hoist
me onto their lawn
to take pictures or something.
Like after my penance.
You're Catholic?
Technically, I guess.
You?
Same, technically.
You're not all white, are you?
(laughs)
Uh, how'd you know?
You're a little
more exotic-looking
than the white-white girls
that hang around here.
You're really pretty though
Thank you.
So are you.
If you don't mind my saying.
You just didn't have to
say it because I said it.
Oh I wasn't...
I just don't try
to be pretty-pretty.
You're being kind
of hard on yourself
if you don't my saying.
Maybe.
I could help you, if you
want, to find a therapist.
If that's what you want.
You don't have to do that.
I know.
But still, I you want, I could.
I'll think about
it, if that's okay.
Okay, okay.
Oh.
I wish dogs didn't poop.
I wish that people
would accept that they did
enough to pick up after them.
Fair point, fair point.
Did you hear about
that mayor in Spain
that hired all those
people to follow around
the shittier people that
leave their dog poop
and put it on their doorstep?
What?
That's amazing.
Yeah, he got all
these young people
to look out for it,
and they walk around
and they just like follow
people when their dogs poop,
pick it up, box it up, and
put it on their doorstep.
Nice.
I like it.
Serving some justice and
giving young people jobs.
Yeah, I guess.
I guess I could be into that.
You know, pick up a little
shit, make a little money.
(whirring)
Coffee's really good.
Oh, good, thanks.
The coffee at that
cafe's really good too.
I'd never been there before.
Oh, their coffee's
better than this.
Maybe, but not by much.
It's better than
what my mother makes.
There's a coffee
spectrum, I guess.
You live at home?
Yeah.
You grew up here?
Yeah.
You wanna watch the video?
Oh, um if you want
to show it to me still,
that's okay.
Wanted to try this.
When I watched Marge's
videos, they just seemed
so real, you know?
I don't know about this for me.
I know I shouldn't have even
watched the first video,
but it was right there.
So personal.
Told myself if I watched
it it would help me
find out who it belonged to,
and that was a lie.
I didn't even know if I
was gonna give it back,
'til I watched all of them.
I did, I watched all of 'em.
I feel bad, but I
don't, you know?
I feel guilty.
But it affected me, you know?
It helped me.
(sighs)
I'm gonna apologize
to her when I
give her computer back.
Maybe I'll tell her
about this, you know?
Maybe she doesn't hate
me after she finds out
I spied on her.
I don't know about this, I
usually write when I'm upset.
That's how I became a
writer in the first place.
I like having that difference,
like I don't like to
write without a reason.
Like, I like writing about
a character that's me
but isn't me.
This is me though.
Can't fight that fact.
(sniffling)
What am I supposed to do now?
Talk about my feelings?
How do I feel?
Just fuckin' angry, you know?
That's how I always
feel when I'm here.
Just...
I feel hopeless, I
feel like none of this
even matters, it's
never gonna matter
as long as I'm
still here with her,
and I have to be with
her, at least until
I'm finished with school.
You know, fuck her
though, because I'm not
going to give up, I'm just...
If I'm going to give up my
dreams and my writing just to
get a job and drop out
of school and move out
before it's time for me to.
What, just 'cause
she wants me to?
I know how that'll
wind up for me.
I get swallowed up,
I get swallowed up
and I wouldn't make it.
Not on my terms.
I'm not stupid, I'm very smart.
I'm smarter than
her, or at least
I'm more honest than she is.
I have that.
I have that in me.
(whooshing)
Another?
Yes please.
(dings)
How's your girlfriend, Ian?
She's okay.
Run out of time for work,
haven't really seen her lately.
(whooshing)
(whooshing)
(whooshing)
(laughs)
I hope I'm not
weirding her out.
She didn't seem to mind
or anything, just...
It's nice to know that
she's out there, you know?
Somebody like her
that doesn't judge me
when I'm being me.
Kind of would like to
hang out some more.
Can I just ask her that?
(sighs)
Who am I even
talking to right now?
It's me, yeah it's me, but
I'm not really there,
you're not real,
you're not the ghost of me.
You're not there, you just...
On second thought, maybe
that is the definition of me.
She's there but she's not.
Margaret!
I'm recording this
video for you since
that is what the cool
kids are doing these days.
But for real, this is
an important message
I have a mission for you.
Zing pow!
This bottle of wine is full
and look, there's more!
Mags and Cass forever.
Yes.
I spent an impractical
amount of time on this,
but I think that
illustrates my commitment.
How is that for visual aid, huh?
A visual aid you can drink.
Once you let me into
your apartment, tonight.
I don't expect
anything from you.
We both know that our love
runs deeper than that.
That it's pure.
Pure even than the
age-old tradition
of imbibing on the
grape in times of
great personal upheaval.
Are you still upheaved, my love?
This is the question
I must have answered
if I am to sleep on this night.
This is my quest on
this noble Saturday.
Don't deny me my quest
I'll die of broken heart.
(whines)
Well maybe not, but I
still wanna come over.
It's a need I can't explain
Text me, woman.
(raspberries)
There's a voice in your head.
You've been hearing a
new voice in your head,
but you want it though.
I told you, it's not...
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was joking.
I just don't think that it's...
Oh, I was totally joking.
I just don't think
that it's funny.
You told me that I can
open up to you and then...
Yeah, I'm sorry.
You're right.
I'm actually a
little bit jealous.
I know it's been
hard, but it's like,
I've been witnessing
you change your life.
I thought you were
awesome before, but now...
Don't try to flatter
me just to make up
for hurting me.
What?
What?
Nothing.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to...
Look, I told you
you don't have to
do all of this, I
know that I'm hard...
No, stop.
You're fine.
I just have to get
used to it, you know?
It's new.
It's not something that
you have to get used to,
it's me.
Okay.
Fine.
But you are saying
a lot of things
you never said before and being
a little more honest lately,
which is fine with me.
It's even refreshing.
I wanna do it too.
What?
I don't know if it's because
we're a little bit older,
and maybe we're not
spending enough time
with each other, or...
(knocking)
Hi.
Sorry.
You can come in.
Thanks.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Cass.
I'm sorry.
What for?
It's fine.
I should have texted
you first or something.
Do you want some wine?
I don't wanna
interrupt your night.
Oh, you're totally fine.
Tell her.
Of course, but do you drink?
A little.
I'm sorry, but I'm just
trying to be responsible here,
but are you old enough to drink?
She's old enough.
To answer for
herself, you mean.
(imitates cat snarling)
Whatever you're
comfortable with.
I got in a fight with my mom.
I'm sorry to hear that.
She's just so fuckin' batshit.
Word, I hear that.
Oh.
I just did that.
Sorry.
It's okay, I'm used to it.
[Cass] What I
meant to say is...
I just really don't wanna
talk about it right now.
If you don't mind.
I'm sorry I
interrupted your night.
It's totally okay.
Let's talk about something else.
How do you like the wine?
It's really good, actually.
Right?
Marge says it's too tannic.
(laughs)
I don't know what that means.
Nah, that's okay.
Neither does she.
(laughs)
Zelda's your dog, right?
Oh, that's right you met her.
You watched her crap.
(laughs)
She's sweet, right?
Yeah, yeah, she's sweet.
I will definitely text
you first next time.
Sounds good.
I would have told you
to come over anyway.
I know.
Are you
going to be walking
into anything?
Usually.
I like her a lot.
Yeah.
She's tough.
Like us.
As much as,
as far as I've come
since I first started
coming here, it's always
just been me, you know?
Out there, in the
world, not in here.
And it's weird because I
know that she came to me
because she feels safe, and that
that feels nice.
Feels good.
We seem to share
a common trauma.
But still there's this voice,
that old voice in my head
telling me, protect yourself.
Don't give too much of yourself.
Don't take responsibility
for others.
But at the same time I don't
feel like I should listen
to that voice anymore.
Why, why is that?
[Margaret] Because it's wrong.
Do you feel it's wrong.
I just said that.
Well yes, but,
to me it appears you're
unsure.
I'm not unsure.
I'm just waiting
for confirmation.
Which you're not
going to give me.
Well, even if I felt it
was the right thing to do,
I'm still, I'm still
not completely clear
on what it is you've decided.
Because I'm meandering?
Are you surprised?
I don't feel like I should
listen to that voice this time
because,
it's different.
She's not asking anything of me,
and I'm not offering
anything that I can't give.
And I like her.
Well from what you've told me,
seems as if there's
plenty to like so far.
Cass says she's tough like us,
and I like the idea, you
know, of women helping women.
Plus everybody
needs a place to go.
How about you?
You have a place to go?
I just said it, here.
I mean, in your
day-to-day life.
Is there, is there
somewhere or someone
you can go to when
you need help?
I have Cass, I guess.
Okay.
What?
Well I'm just
wondering if you think
maybe this new friendship
might have something
to offer you, as well.
[Margaret] I would think so.
Can you identify how?
Or what it is that
you might get?
What I could get
out of friendship?
Hi Cass.
You're super-bored.
And a little bit
lonely, so here you are
copying your
friend's weird idea.
I don't really get it.
I guess we're supposed to
talk about our feelings.
Does hungry count?
(laughs)
I don't even know
why I'm laughing,
it's not funny, but I...
It's just, it's so
beautiful out today,
and I feel open.
You know, like there's not
anything to worry about.
At least not now,
not in this moment.
And yeah, I want that.
I want that to last.
I'm gonna go out.
I'm gonna go out and
just go to the cafe
and have some lunch
and be lazy.
I'm glad it works for Marge.
She seems to be doing
really well these days.
She's like, stable.
She's always been
stable on the surface,
but not like this.
I get it.
She's showing up
for herself more.
I miss her a little bit.
She still hasn't
been around as much.
At the same time, I'm
starting to feel closer to her
when I do see her.
It's got me thinking
a little bit,
maybe I should talk
to someone too.
I'm fine, but you know...
(laughs)
I guess I'm starting to
understand how this works.
It's a little devious.
Margaret would come up
with something like this.
I have to keep
looking at myself.
You know, when I don't talk,
it keeps listening, so I have to
keep talking
to myself.
Touche, Marge.
(laughs)
I just feel,
I feel
really overwhelmed sometimes.
Everything I do,
I just do it.
I'm all doer.
I get up and I go,
and I go out
and I hang out
and I stay out,
but...
Now I know I have plenty
to be happy about,
and I just feel,
fuck, even right now
I know I can just turn
this off and go find
something to make me happy, but
Is that happy?
Every fucking
time I say something
about anything that
I'm happy about,
she fucking shits all over it.
Doesn't matter what I do.
Doesn't matter
what I fucking say.
I feel like I can burst
sometimes.
I feel like I could
destroy something, or someone.
I noticed a few men have
been on the wrong end
of that compulsion.
Fuck.
(clicking)
(dings)
She didn't even let me
finish lettin' me tell her
how many people actually
read the magazine
before she skipped
to the end and just
started in on me.
I don't know about that
creative writing thing,
because that ain't no real job.
You ain't gonna
make no real money,
and I ain't payin' all this
money for you to stay poor.
Parents worry.
She isn't even paying
all of my tuition,
I earn that shit
through scholarships.
Now I'm just continuing
this by yelling at you.
You're not yelling at me.
Not like that at least.
Besides, even if you were,
I'm pretty used to it.
I figured you
would understand.
Still doesn't make
it right though.
What in the world are
you smiling about?
I don't know.
Maybe it's just because
I'm not sad right now?
Not tonight, at least.
I don't wanna make you think
I don't sympathize with you.
No, I, I don't
wanna be sad either.
I'm angry, you know,
but maybe underneath
that I'm a little sad,
but I don't know, right
now I just don't feel it.
Good, then it's settled.
No sadness.
Okay.
You wanna go outside
for a little bit?
Outside where?
Can I ask you something?
Yeah.
Are you safe?
Yeah.
Are you sure?
I just felt like I should ask.
She doesn't hit me anymore.
She's too scared of me.
She created a monster, you know.
I'm 10 times angrier than she is
and I'd give it back to her.
Couple years ago was the
last time she hit me.
She started on me for some
bullshit reason or another,
and I don't know something
was different that time.
She...
I just didn't back down.
The first time in my
life I didn't back down,
at least from her.
Something in my just
snapped, you know?
Just changed.
That ever happen to you?
Yeah.
I wrote something about it,
like a metaphor.
I don't really like it and
it's not nearly good enough,
but I'll tell it to you
if you want to hear it.
Okay.
You know how you have that
that hard, bendable plastic,
like one of those
little cheap black combs
that's not gone through
the unbreakable,
so they're actually breakable?
What if you have
something like that
and you just bend it?
You bend it just
'cause it could bend?
And you just keep bending
it 'cause you can,
just back and forth,
back and forth.
Maybe you start to
realize when you put
a little more pressure on it,
it becomes that weird
greyish-white color
and it weakens.
But you don't stop, right?
You keep bending it
just 'cause you can.
And you keep goin', you
just go back and forth,
back and forth, and of course
you think yeah,
this is gonna snap,
it's gotta break, right?
But then you hear
that hard snapping.
When you look down
the inside isn't soft,
it's like when you
have two sharp pieces
in your hand.
Surprised though.
That's how I felt.
That's how I feel.
And I'm just two broken
pieces in her hand.
She, she just got
angrier and angrier
and I didn't even say anything.
She said the worst things
that she's ever said.
I didn't back down though.
Mm-mm.
She didn't put her
hand on me either,
'cause I don't know what
it was, maybe it was
just something I said.
I think that's what it was.
I think I just looked
at her and I said,
you try to fucking hit
me again, old lady.
Just try it.
She said the worst things she's
ever said to me that night.
She never put her
hands on me again.
Sorry.
Don't be.
I had a fight like
that once, too.
With my dad.
Good for you.
No.
It wasn't, it was never good.
For anybody.
I see what you're saying,
but I don't completely
agree with you.
There is something I could do.
I can be there for you,
just like you're
always there for me.
Probably do a better job
with that sort of stuff.
I know we can.
And I think we should.
What are you scheming?
What makes you
think I'm scheming?
Don't play games
with me, Cassandra.
Okay, there is something
I want to talk to you about.
Are you okay?
Oh yeah, no, I'm fine.
I wanted to talk to
you about my lease.
Your lease, what about it?
It's up in a
little over a month,
and I'm thinking of moving.
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
Ugh my God, I totally wanted to
talk to you about
this in person.
And I know you
like living alone,
but other best friends live
with each other, Marge,
it's not a crazy proposition.
I know, I know.
But, I thought that you
liked living alone, too.
Ah, it's losing its appeal.
My whole lonely
lifestyle is rapidly
losing its appeal.
(laughs)
It's not funny.
I'm sorry, I'm
not laughing at you.
You totally just
laughed at me.
Right in my face.
If I had been recording
this, I'd have proof.
And who says I'm not?
Okay, okay.
I've stopped.
Right.
I'm serious, though.
I wanna at least
live closer to you.
I miss you, boob.
Living closer would
be fucking awesome.
Right?
That doesn't mean
you're off the hook
with the roommate proposal.
I know you probably
need some time,
but I think that
should be option 1A.
[Margaret] What
about the commute?
I'll be saving a
shitton in rent, Mags.
I'll just buy some
paperbacks for the train.
Screw that.
I'll steal 'em from you.
They'd be given freely.
(laughs)
So you'd be cool
with at least that?
Me moving to your hood?
More than cool with it.
And I don't own the
neighborhood, so.
Yeah, I can live
wherever I want.
I don't need your
fucking permission.
(laughs)
I am serious about this.
I know.
I wanna just
get my shit together
and like be.
I'm gonna read all your
smarty pants books,
at least half way, and
I'm gonna follow you to yoga
or meditation or whatever,
and I'm gonna start
buying organic and shit.
I'm gonna be your
happy hippy shadow.
(giggles)
Oh, hippies
don't cast shadows.
They're like vampires?
Vampires cast shadows, Cass,
they don't have reflections.
Oh, but would a vampire shadow
be seen in a mirror?
And what about vampire hippies?
What do they eat?
Beets?
That makes no sense, Margaret.
Yes it does.
(cheers)
Soon we're going to be able
to be ridiculous in person.
It's going to be great.
It's okay, let me take this.
I'm just gonna put
it down over here.
It's okay.
Sorry.
It's okay.
It's gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay.
(crying)
It's still hot.
Do you, do you want
me to call anybody?
I did.
I mean anybody else?
Like who?
Like the police?
Whoever.
There's no one to call.
Except for my brother,
but that's why I
can't call the police.
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
She gives him money.
He's a fuck-up, but he needs it.
She would cut him off
just to get to me,
and I can't do that to him,
and I can't fuck with
her just to get to him,
I have to help him instead.
That's really not
your responsibility.
And it's not yours, either.
I'm sorry.
No, you're right, I get it.
It's complicated.
I'm sorry that I had
nowhere else to go to.
It's fine.
Why is it fine?
Why are you being so nice to me?
What, do you just feel so sorry
for the poor little black girl?
The tea smells good.
It is good.
It's probably cool enough
to drink right now.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
no it's not, it's not.
It's not cool enough.
I'll just leave it there.
Yeah.
We'll wait.
Yeah.
This what I got
to look forward to?
Huh, unfortunately.
Um, there is stuff to make
sandwiches in the fridge,
and feel free to take
whatever you want, okay?
Also, if you have any
trouble like finding anything
or if you wanna talk,
just text me, okay?
Actually, I'll just
call you later.
You don't have
to do that, okay.
I know, I know, I just
don't have any dinner food,
so we'll talk about
dinner, all right?
Okay, bye.
This was a good call.
Yeah, I thought something
dimple would be good.
Mm, how much do I
owe you for everything?
No.
No, really, how
much do I owe you?
Look, I really don't
have anywhere else to go.
I know.
I know that.
And I really appreciate
you letting me stay with you.
[Margaret] Vee.
Just let me finish.
Okay.
Sorry.
I just don't wanna crowd you
and I don't wanna
overstay my welcome.
[Margaret] That's
not why I was asking...
Just let me pay for
food this time, bitch.
Okay.
Fine.
You dip your
fries in barbecue?
You don't?
It's delicious.
Barbecue's for meat.
You don't eat
barbecue potato chips?
I'll just stick to ketchup.
Where are you goin'?
I'm leaving.
I hope you and your ketchup
are very happy together.
What's wrong with you?
I'm just gettin' some water.
Do you want some water?
Sure.
I didn't know you were silly.
I don't care,
Marge, I wanna see it.
Why?
[Cass] Because
it looks beautiful.
It's out of your price range,
and it's a three-bedroom.
And there are
three of us here.
Woah, I can't.
I can't afford to
move yet, I mean,
I will but I can't do that.
I'm gonna go look at
it, and the two of you
can either come with me, or not.
Come on!
Square, uh let me double
check on the details.
I'm so excited to show
you this location.
Could be the start of a
really cool girl's club.
I'm offering you a chance to
get in on the ground level.
I like my place, Cass.
How much can you pay?
[Marge] Cass.
Are you comfortable
telling me?
I really like this place and
I can afford a big portion
of the rent.
Honestly?
Of course.
I don't know, maybe 500 tops.
She may not want
to live with you.
You may be putting
her on the spot.
I'm sorry, am I doing that?
Not really.
I don't not wanna live with you.
Mhm?
But with both of you.
Oh my god, you two.
(laughs)
You can't even move
for another month,
and this place'll
probably be gone by then.
Three weeks.
They'll save it for us.
My credit score's bomb.
And even if I do
have to pay extra,
it still represents
savings in the long run.
If you join us.
I don't wanna pay
an uneven share.
What if you get last
pick of the bedrooms?
Cass.
What?
She shouldn't have
to worry about that.
You need to start a new life.
Of course you should
be comfortable
with how that gets done, but
let people help you.
I'm not usually good
at helping people.
Ultimately, money is
such a minor thing.
Says the person with money.
Mhm.
Rowr.
I...
I would consider
signing if Mags does.
Ha!
Let's go this, Mags.
I am your destiny.
We are your destiny.
(puppy dog whimpering)
I don't know if I
can break my lease.
Ah!
My dear, we will wait for you!
Hey lady!
Do you wanna keep
talking on the phone
to a prospective client,
or do you wanna make money
right now?
I feel like this could
be really good for me.
For us.
I know I haven't been through
what Vee is going through,
or what Marge has been through,
and I'm thankful for that.
But maybe that means I can help.
Maybe when we live together,
if we talk with the
time, everybody's got
their own shit to deal with.
I'm not exactly the
picture of happiness.
A reset will be good.
Why wouldn't I wanna
live with my best friend?
And the more I get to know
Vee, the more I like her.
She's really fucking smart,
and she's got a smart ass,
which is the best
kind of ass to have,
which makes her my
kind of roommate.
I hope Girl's Club doesn't
turn into book club though.
It might with those two
I could do wine and books.
That could be my contribution.
The wine.
I'm still afraid, yeah,
but I know it's gonna be
a long road, and
that it's gonna take
more than change to help me,
but I don't know,
maybe Cass was right.
I just need something for me.
A new life for me.
Or at least something
with potential.
That's all I know for now,
just that it won't be the
same as it was before.
So.
Are we gonna talk
about the groceries,
or?
Very funny, bitch.
Very funny.
We'll see how it goes.
It might,
it will probably be good for me.
For all of us.
It's worth a shot.
It's something to do,
in addition to all the
searching and the talking.
Do you know why I
really said yes?
Why?
I'm not stupid.
I know Cass.
I knew something like
this might happen.
The idea gave me hope.
You know?
Finally.
Some real hope.
Something to be thankful for.
I mean, two people
who really get me,
two real people who will
always be there for me,
no matter what.
I feel that trust.
(laughs)
How many times have
I walked in here
with that kind of positivity?
(laughs)
(upbeat smooth rock music)
outside of work and
therapy, not for weeks.
I haven't talked to my parents.
We've texted here and there.
But that's it really.
I'm going to hate
text messaging.
When it comes to
conversations about real life,
what the fuck is a text anyway?
Except a way to get
what you want and need
without having to earn
the right to a response.
I don't know what's
going on with me.
I don't even know myself.
I don't know if I should care.
I haven't consistently, no.
[Man] Why not?
You don't have a reason?
[Woman] I'm sure
there must be one.
[Man] What's the first
thing that comes to mind?
That it's boring.
It's tiring.
It hurts my hand.
[Man] It hurts your hand?
When I write for a long time,
I don't hold my pen right.
I hold it like a fork.
And there's no other
way you can do it?
What do you mean?
Like type it all out,
save it to a folder?
[Man] Yeah, why not?
Whatever.
[Woman] It still
just seems boring.
It is boring.
I can't keep it up for
more than a few days
at a time.
So you're bored with efforts
to communicate with yourself?
Are other people
usually bored by you?
When you talk with them?
No, not usually.
[Man] Maybe you could think
about some more interesting ways
to keep this record of your
feelings from day to day.
(sighs)
(Apple startup tone)
It is important for me to
journal right now, I know that.
I accept it.
It is essential that
I learn to reflect.
So this is me, reflecting
In a way that's more
appropriate to the current age.
But is it better?
Writing by hand is
archaic, I know this
to be a true feeling,
I have vetted it.
I am doing this
not as a means of
finding an excuse not
to journal, but as
part of an experiment,
an adaptation.
Feels different.
I don't know if it's different
in necessarily a good way,
but I don't not know either.
Not sad tonight.
So that's a plus.
Except
because I'm not sad I don't know
what else I'm feeling either.
That doesn't mean I'm
happy, just because
I said I'm not sad.
Maybe this is an excuse to
not write my feelings out.
Maybe I'm just indulging my own
personal form of television.
Maybe I'm just years late
to the YouTube impulse,
only I'm not even
doing it right,
because it's just me.
Not watching.
Maybe I'm on to something here.
Maybe this is the
next best thing
in media entertainment.
Soon, we'll all be staring
into our own cameras
talking to ourselves
alone in our homes.
It's like the worst
mirror in the world.
One that remembers.
I don't know, mirror,
nothing happened today.
Nothing worth talking about.
I clicked around the
internet all day,
did maybe an hour's
worth of work,
got praised for it.
(scoffs)
This little entry
is hardly worth
the cost of data storage.
You hear that, mirror?
You're a waste today.
You're worthless.
It's already getting
significantly colder out,
but I wanted to be out here.
I feel better out here.
The city seems quiet.
Almost peaceful
when you look at it
from just a few floors up.
It's neither, though, obviously.
It's weird
that we don't talk
about it anymore,
all the noise and the
conflict and the pain.
I guess we're used to it.
There's some joy too, I suppose.
But that might be harder to see.
Maybe I'm just not
looking closely enough.
(sighs)
I'm angry.
I'm angry that I can't
just go away somewhere
and fix all of my problems
I'm angry that a lot of
them aren't even my fault.
I know I'm underdeveloped
emotionally,
but what about the
world that chewed me up
and spit me out into
this moment, huh?
I mean, how fucked up
is it that I resorted
to talking to
myself into a camera
in order to stay grounded
between therapy sessions?
How fucked up is it
that I still think
this is good idea?
I know what this is.
This is the only way
for me to be able to
delineate between what is
real and what I am imagining.
So it's a crutch.
So what?
This is better than
doing it to a person.
An unconscious, unfeeling
machine is not capable
of being hurt by my bullshit,
and it doesn't judge.
Yeah.
A mirror that remembers
but does not judge.
Maybe there's some
value in that.
I don't know what's
going on with me.
I don't even know myself.
I don't know if I should care.
Cass keeps trying
to get in touch.
She's not giving up.
But what the fuck am
I supposed to say?
I'm sorry I've been
out of touch but I've
pulled myself apart and
I don't know what to
make of what's left.
What's the difference anyway?
I have to go through this alone.
(crying)
It's not completely true.
I'm going to talk
to Cass, I'm going,
I'm going to end it.
I stopped communicating
with people.
I'm afraid of what
they'll think of me
as I actually am.
I wanted to record a quick entry
before I fell asleep.
Cass let me borrow
Zelda for the weekend.
I called her.
That's why I'm so tired.
We spent the whole
day out at the park
and we talked for hours.
I told her what's
been going on with me.
She's known that
I've been in therapy
and she's known for
longer than that
that I'm
that I've struggled.
That I'm a little damaged.
But she didn't know...
(sighs)
It's good that I reached out.
I'm never alone,
even if I feel
that way sometimes.
I know that on a
reasonable level,
but emotionally I forget.
(acoustic guitar music)
By the one thing you love
Pull with the threads
Say I'm not letting go
But what is the world
That we cling to it's old
Did we fall up or down?
Once we were sure
But not anymore
You know what to do
Oh it's coming around
Still you are invest
'Cause you want
what comes next
So you (mumbles)
Thanks y'all, my
name's Mike O'Malley,
I'll be your entertainment
for at least the next hour.
I promise it'll be
relatively painless.
(voices talking over each other)
[Voiceover] It's Friday.
[Voiceover] I want wine.
It's a wine kind
of night for me.
Okay, okay, I think wine
is for other weeknights.
What's the best
shot and beer combo
I can get for 10 bucks?
They're on the board.
I was halfway out the woods
And things were looking good
A herd of goats and babies
And a fence made out of wood
And horticulture's
not my thing
But mercy me you
had a pretty garden
Hey.
Hi.
You're...
Margaret.
Writer, right?
Yeah.
Sometimes.
Yeah, Brett.
I remember.
Yep.
My wife is grabbing
a table in the back
if you wanna join.
It's gonna get pretty
slammed in here later.
I'm meeting a friend.
Gotcha.
Well, we're not on
a date or anything,
so we're meeting friends
too if you change your mind.
Okay.
You should totally hang.
(cheering)
Hi.
Hey, who are you?
This is Brett.
Hi.
Hi.
I was just inviting
Margaret to come join
me and my wife in the back.
A few other friends are coming.
Cool.
Let's do it.
Okay?
Sure.
Cool.
I'm gonna go put my shit down.
(murmuring)
Sure.
(cheers)
It's the first coat he
ever bought for himself
as an adult.
No it's not.
I bought the last
one you replaced
with your mother,
who probably bought all the
others ones before that.
I picked some out.
(laughter)
I have bought a coat.
I don't believe you,
but it sounds like
you're just a Ken doll.
I picked the red one,
the one we just donated.
The ugly ski jacket.
It's not ugly, and plus
it was only 15 bucks.
One more.
Oh no.
Someone paid you 15
bucks to take it from them?
One more, Margaret.
No.
He'll keep up this refrain
all night if you let him.
(cheering)
Yeah, it's Friday!
Friday.
[Cass] It's Friday!
It's Friday.
Cheers.
Yeah (mumbles) I don't
have anything, guys.
Yay.
Two more, two more.
[Cass] Two more!
Okay!
Come on girls, Taco Time.
Taco Time.
Oh ho, so Taco Time!
(cheering and chattering)
How am I supposed to
know what you look like?
Oh, of course.
Of course you do them.
Okay, fine.
(gentle music playing)
Hi, good morning.
Can I help you
find a table or...
Did you eat?
Did I eat?
Yeah, I waited just
in case you hadn't.
I didn't want to be rude.
Is this table
okay for you both?
Um, yeah.
Sorry.
Nothing to be sorry about,
would you like a menu?
I know what I want,
she can use mine.
Okay, great, so
I'll be back in a bit.
Would you like a beverage,
something to start with?
Coffee's really good.
Yeah, it totally is.
Yeah, I know.
I'll have a coffee and
some water, please.
Great.
Why do you want
to eat with me?
I don't know.
Can I have my bag please?
Yeah, of course.
I don't mind if
you wanna check it.
I only really care
about the computer
which I know must be in
there, and the files on it.
The ones that you decided
it was okay to watch.
Well if I hadn't, it
might not have become
so important to me to
get it back to you.
Here we go, a coffee,
and water for everyone.
Do you need another minute?
Yeah, I think so.
No problem at all.
If it makes you
feel more comfortable,
I feel the same way you do.
About a lot of stuff.
Like the stuff you said,
really resonated with me.
I'm sorry I watched your videos.
It's okay.
Guess it could have gone worse.
Yeah.
Some asshole could
have found them.
When you talk about therapy,
and stuff like that,
is that a...
Where do you go to find
out about stuff like that?
I went through my insurance.
Of course.
Not all therapists
take insurance.
Many don't actually.
They get tired of insurance
companies trying to tell them
how to do their job and
how much people are worth.
The point is that you don't
have to have insurance.
Some people just pay?
I guess so.
I don't know.
I probably wouldn't
be able to afford it.
Not twice a week, at least.
I have to.
Is it something you
would be interested in?
I don't know, maybe.
I thought about it
before, but I don't know
where I'd find the time
or the money to do it.
I've got student
insurance though,
it's not too great
outside of school.
You could probably talk
to someone there, too,
if you wanted.
What you do is
great too, though.
I recorded my own
video blog after
watching yours yesterday.
I'm sorry.
I know they're supposed to
be all private and stuff,
and I shouldn't have
kept watching them
but I couldn't help it.
I go through the same
shit too, you know that.
The same shit, for reals.
Um, thank you, V.
Sure, it's no problem.
It's a little strange
how it happened,
but it was nice to meet you.
It's nice to meet you, too.
And thank you.
For what?
You know, for talking
to me and eating with me,
and for not being mad that
I watched all your videos.
Unless you are mad.
I'm just a little
uncomfortable.
Right, I understand that.
I can show you mine.
If it would help, make it fair.
You would feel
comfortable doing that?
(dog barking)
[V] Oh my God!
[Margaret] Come
inside, come inside.
[V] Oh my God!
So cute!
What's her name?
Zelda
My friend loaned her to
me for a couple of days.
Good friend?
Uh-huh.
(laughs)
I actually have to walk her.
They're beautiful.
My mom used to hoist
me onto their lawn
to take pictures or something.
Like after my penance.
You're Catholic?
Technically, I guess.
You?
Same, technically.
You're not all white, are you?
(laughs)
Uh, how'd you know?
You're a little
more exotic-looking
than the white-white girls
that hang around here.
You're really pretty though
Thank you.
So are you.
If you don't mind my saying.
You just didn't have to
say it because I said it.
Oh I wasn't...
I just don't try
to be pretty-pretty.
You're being kind
of hard on yourself
if you don't my saying.
Maybe.
I could help you, if you
want, to find a therapist.
If that's what you want.
You don't have to do that.
I know.
But still, I you want, I could.
I'll think about
it, if that's okay.
Okay, okay.
Oh.
I wish dogs didn't poop.
I wish that people
would accept that they did
enough to pick up after them.
Fair point, fair point.
Did you hear about
that mayor in Spain
that hired all those
people to follow around
the shittier people that
leave their dog poop
and put it on their doorstep?
What?
That's amazing.
Yeah, he got all
these young people
to look out for it,
and they walk around
and they just like follow
people when their dogs poop,
pick it up, box it up, and
put it on their doorstep.
Nice.
I like it.
Serving some justice and
giving young people jobs.
Yeah, I guess.
I guess I could be into that.
You know, pick up a little
shit, make a little money.
(whirring)
Coffee's really good.
Oh, good, thanks.
The coffee at that
cafe's really good too.
I'd never been there before.
Oh, their coffee's
better than this.
Maybe, but not by much.
It's better than
what my mother makes.
There's a coffee
spectrum, I guess.
You live at home?
Yeah.
You grew up here?
Yeah.
You wanna watch the video?
Oh, um if you want
to show it to me still,
that's okay.
Wanted to try this.
When I watched Marge's
videos, they just seemed
so real, you know?
I don't know about this for me.
I know I shouldn't have even
watched the first video,
but it was right there.
So personal.
Told myself if I watched
it it would help me
find out who it belonged to,
and that was a lie.
I didn't even know if I
was gonna give it back,
'til I watched all of them.
I did, I watched all of 'em.
I feel bad, but I
don't, you know?
I feel guilty.
But it affected me, you know?
It helped me.
(sighs)
I'm gonna apologize
to her when I
give her computer back.
Maybe I'll tell her
about this, you know?
Maybe she doesn't hate
me after she finds out
I spied on her.
I don't know about this, I
usually write when I'm upset.
That's how I became a
writer in the first place.
I like having that difference,
like I don't like to
write without a reason.
Like, I like writing about
a character that's me
but isn't me.
This is me though.
Can't fight that fact.
(sniffling)
What am I supposed to do now?
Talk about my feelings?
How do I feel?
Just fuckin' angry, you know?
That's how I always
feel when I'm here.
Just...
I feel hopeless, I
feel like none of this
even matters, it's
never gonna matter
as long as I'm
still here with her,
and I have to be with
her, at least until
I'm finished with school.
You know, fuck her
though, because I'm not
going to give up, I'm just...
If I'm going to give up my
dreams and my writing just to
get a job and drop out
of school and move out
before it's time for me to.
What, just 'cause
she wants me to?
I know how that'll
wind up for me.
I get swallowed up,
I get swallowed up
and I wouldn't make it.
Not on my terms.
I'm not stupid, I'm very smart.
I'm smarter than
her, or at least
I'm more honest than she is.
I have that.
I have that in me.
(whooshing)
Another?
Yes please.
(dings)
How's your girlfriend, Ian?
She's okay.
Run out of time for work,
haven't really seen her lately.
(whooshing)
(whooshing)
(whooshing)
(laughs)
I hope I'm not
weirding her out.
She didn't seem to mind
or anything, just...
It's nice to know that
she's out there, you know?
Somebody like her
that doesn't judge me
when I'm being me.
Kind of would like to
hang out some more.
Can I just ask her that?
(sighs)
Who am I even
talking to right now?
It's me, yeah it's me, but
I'm not really there,
you're not real,
you're not the ghost of me.
You're not there, you just...
On second thought, maybe
that is the definition of me.
She's there but she's not.
Margaret!
I'm recording this
video for you since
that is what the cool
kids are doing these days.
But for real, this is
an important message
I have a mission for you.
Zing pow!
This bottle of wine is full
and look, there's more!
Mags and Cass forever.
Yes.
I spent an impractical
amount of time on this,
but I think that
illustrates my commitment.
How is that for visual aid, huh?
A visual aid you can drink.
Once you let me into
your apartment, tonight.
I don't expect
anything from you.
We both know that our love
runs deeper than that.
That it's pure.
Pure even than the
age-old tradition
of imbibing on the
grape in times of
great personal upheaval.
Are you still upheaved, my love?
This is the question
I must have answered
if I am to sleep on this night.
This is my quest on
this noble Saturday.
Don't deny me my quest
I'll die of broken heart.
(whines)
Well maybe not, but I
still wanna come over.
It's a need I can't explain
Text me, woman.
(raspberries)
There's a voice in your head.
You've been hearing a
new voice in your head,
but you want it though.
I told you, it's not...
Oh, I'm sorry.
I was joking.
I just don't think that it's...
Oh, I was totally joking.
I just don't think
that it's funny.
You told me that I can
open up to you and then...
Yeah, I'm sorry.
You're right.
I'm actually a
little bit jealous.
I know it's been
hard, but it's like,
I've been witnessing
you change your life.
I thought you were
awesome before, but now...
Don't try to flatter
me just to make up
for hurting me.
What?
What?
Nothing.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to...
Look, I told you
you don't have to
do all of this, I
know that I'm hard...
No, stop.
You're fine.
I just have to get
used to it, you know?
It's new.
It's not something that
you have to get used to,
it's me.
Okay.
Fine.
But you are saying
a lot of things
you never said before and being
a little more honest lately,
which is fine with me.
It's even refreshing.
I wanna do it too.
What?
I don't know if it's because
we're a little bit older,
and maybe we're not
spending enough time
with each other, or...
(knocking)
Hi.
Sorry.
You can come in.
Thanks.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Cass.
I'm sorry.
What for?
It's fine.
I should have texted
you first or something.
Do you want some wine?
I don't wanna
interrupt your night.
Oh, you're totally fine.
Tell her.
Of course, but do you drink?
A little.
I'm sorry, but I'm just
trying to be responsible here,
but are you old enough to drink?
She's old enough.
To answer for
herself, you mean.
(imitates cat snarling)
Whatever you're
comfortable with.
I got in a fight with my mom.
I'm sorry to hear that.
She's just so fuckin' batshit.
Word, I hear that.
Oh.
I just did that.
Sorry.
It's okay, I'm used to it.
[Cass] What I
meant to say is...
I just really don't wanna
talk about it right now.
If you don't mind.
I'm sorry I
interrupted your night.
It's totally okay.
Let's talk about something else.
How do you like the wine?
It's really good, actually.
Right?
Marge says it's too tannic.
(laughs)
I don't know what that means.
Nah, that's okay.
Neither does she.
(laughs)
Zelda's your dog, right?
Oh, that's right you met her.
You watched her crap.
(laughs)
She's sweet, right?
Yeah, yeah, she's sweet.
I will definitely text
you first next time.
Sounds good.
I would have told you
to come over anyway.
I know.
Are you
going to be walking
into anything?
Usually.
I like her a lot.
Yeah.
She's tough.
Like us.
As much as,
as far as I've come
since I first started
coming here, it's always
just been me, you know?
Out there, in the
world, not in here.
And it's weird because I
know that she came to me
because she feels safe, and that
that feels nice.
Feels good.
We seem to share
a common trauma.
But still there's this voice,
that old voice in my head
telling me, protect yourself.
Don't give too much of yourself.
Don't take responsibility
for others.
But at the same time I don't
feel like I should listen
to that voice anymore.
Why, why is that?
[Margaret] Because it's wrong.
Do you feel it's wrong.
I just said that.
Well yes, but,
to me it appears you're
unsure.
I'm not unsure.
I'm just waiting
for confirmation.
Which you're not
going to give me.
Well, even if I felt it
was the right thing to do,
I'm still, I'm still
not completely clear
on what it is you've decided.
Because I'm meandering?
Are you surprised?
I don't feel like I should
listen to that voice this time
because,
it's different.
She's not asking anything of me,
and I'm not offering
anything that I can't give.
And I like her.
Well from what you've told me,
seems as if there's
plenty to like so far.
Cass says she's tough like us,
and I like the idea, you
know, of women helping women.
Plus everybody
needs a place to go.
How about you?
You have a place to go?
I just said it, here.
I mean, in your
day-to-day life.
Is there, is there
somewhere or someone
you can go to when
you need help?
I have Cass, I guess.
Okay.
What?
Well I'm just
wondering if you think
maybe this new friendship
might have something
to offer you, as well.
[Margaret] I would think so.
Can you identify how?
Or what it is that
you might get?
What I could get
out of friendship?
Hi Cass.
You're super-bored.
And a little bit
lonely, so here you are
copying your
friend's weird idea.
I don't really get it.
I guess we're supposed to
talk about our feelings.
Does hungry count?
(laughs)
I don't even know
why I'm laughing,
it's not funny, but I...
It's just, it's so
beautiful out today,
and I feel open.
You know, like there's not
anything to worry about.
At least not now,
not in this moment.
And yeah, I want that.
I want that to last.
I'm gonna go out.
I'm gonna go out and
just go to the cafe
and have some lunch
and be lazy.
I'm glad it works for Marge.
She seems to be doing
really well these days.
She's like, stable.
She's always been
stable on the surface,
but not like this.
I get it.
She's showing up
for herself more.
I miss her a little bit.
She still hasn't
been around as much.
At the same time, I'm
starting to feel closer to her
when I do see her.
It's got me thinking
a little bit,
maybe I should talk
to someone too.
I'm fine, but you know...
(laughs)
I guess I'm starting to
understand how this works.
It's a little devious.
Margaret would come up
with something like this.
I have to keep
looking at myself.
You know, when I don't talk,
it keeps listening, so I have to
keep talking
to myself.
Touche, Marge.
(laughs)
I just feel,
I feel
really overwhelmed sometimes.
Everything I do,
I just do it.
I'm all doer.
I get up and I go,
and I go out
and I hang out
and I stay out,
but...
Now I know I have plenty
to be happy about,
and I just feel,
fuck, even right now
I know I can just turn
this off and go find
something to make me happy, but
Is that happy?
Every fucking
time I say something
about anything that
I'm happy about,
she fucking shits all over it.
Doesn't matter what I do.
Doesn't matter
what I fucking say.
I feel like I can burst
sometimes.
I feel like I could
destroy something, or someone.
I noticed a few men have
been on the wrong end
of that compulsion.
Fuck.
(clicking)
(dings)
She didn't even let me
finish lettin' me tell her
how many people actually
read the magazine
before she skipped
to the end and just
started in on me.
I don't know about that
creative writing thing,
because that ain't no real job.
You ain't gonna
make no real money,
and I ain't payin' all this
money for you to stay poor.
Parents worry.
She isn't even paying
all of my tuition,
I earn that shit
through scholarships.
Now I'm just continuing
this by yelling at you.
You're not yelling at me.
Not like that at least.
Besides, even if you were,
I'm pretty used to it.
I figured you
would understand.
Still doesn't make
it right though.
What in the world are
you smiling about?
I don't know.
Maybe it's just because
I'm not sad right now?
Not tonight, at least.
I don't wanna make you think
I don't sympathize with you.
No, I, I don't
wanna be sad either.
I'm angry, you know,
but maybe underneath
that I'm a little sad,
but I don't know, right
now I just don't feel it.
Good, then it's settled.
No sadness.
Okay.
You wanna go outside
for a little bit?
Outside where?
Can I ask you something?
Yeah.
Are you safe?
Yeah.
Are you sure?
I just felt like I should ask.
She doesn't hit me anymore.
She's too scared of me.
She created a monster, you know.
I'm 10 times angrier than she is
and I'd give it back to her.
Couple years ago was the
last time she hit me.
She started on me for some
bullshit reason or another,
and I don't know something
was different that time.
She...
I just didn't back down.
The first time in my
life I didn't back down,
at least from her.
Something in my just
snapped, you know?
Just changed.
That ever happen to you?
Yeah.
I wrote something about it,
like a metaphor.
I don't really like it and
it's not nearly good enough,
but I'll tell it to you
if you want to hear it.
Okay.
You know how you have that
that hard, bendable plastic,
like one of those
little cheap black combs
that's not gone through
the unbreakable,
so they're actually breakable?
What if you have
something like that
and you just bend it?
You bend it just
'cause it could bend?
And you just keep bending
it 'cause you can,
just back and forth,
back and forth.
Maybe you start to
realize when you put
a little more pressure on it,
it becomes that weird
greyish-white color
and it weakens.
But you don't stop, right?
You keep bending it
just 'cause you can.
And you keep goin', you
just go back and forth,
back and forth, and of course
you think yeah,
this is gonna snap,
it's gotta break, right?
But then you hear
that hard snapping.
When you look down
the inside isn't soft,
it's like when you
have two sharp pieces
in your hand.
Surprised though.
That's how I felt.
That's how I feel.
And I'm just two broken
pieces in her hand.
She, she just got
angrier and angrier
and I didn't even say anything.
She said the worst things
that she's ever said.
I didn't back down though.
Mm-mm.
She didn't put her
hand on me either,
'cause I don't know what
it was, maybe it was
just something I said.
I think that's what it was.
I think I just looked
at her and I said,
you try to fucking hit
me again, old lady.
Just try it.
She said the worst things she's
ever said to me that night.
She never put her
hands on me again.
Sorry.
Don't be.
I had a fight like
that once, too.
With my dad.
Good for you.
No.
It wasn't, it was never good.
For anybody.
I see what you're saying,
but I don't completely
agree with you.
There is something I could do.
I can be there for you,
just like you're
always there for me.
Probably do a better job
with that sort of stuff.
I know we can.
And I think we should.
What are you scheming?
What makes you
think I'm scheming?
Don't play games
with me, Cassandra.
Okay, there is something
I want to talk to you about.
Are you okay?
Oh yeah, no, I'm fine.
I wanted to talk to
you about my lease.
Your lease, what about it?
It's up in a
little over a month,
and I'm thinking of moving.
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
Ugh my God, I totally wanted to
talk to you about
this in person.
And I know you
like living alone,
but other best friends live
with each other, Marge,
it's not a crazy proposition.
I know, I know.
But, I thought that you
liked living alone, too.
Ah, it's losing its appeal.
My whole lonely
lifestyle is rapidly
losing its appeal.
(laughs)
It's not funny.
I'm sorry, I'm
not laughing at you.
You totally just
laughed at me.
Right in my face.
If I had been recording
this, I'd have proof.
And who says I'm not?
Okay, okay.
I've stopped.
Right.
I'm serious, though.
I wanna at least
live closer to you.
I miss you, boob.
Living closer would
be fucking awesome.
Right?
That doesn't mean
you're off the hook
with the roommate proposal.
I know you probably
need some time,
but I think that
should be option 1A.
[Margaret] What
about the commute?
I'll be saving a
shitton in rent, Mags.
I'll just buy some
paperbacks for the train.
Screw that.
I'll steal 'em from you.
They'd be given freely.
(laughs)
So you'd be cool
with at least that?
Me moving to your hood?
More than cool with it.
And I don't own the
neighborhood, so.
Yeah, I can live
wherever I want.
I don't need your
fucking permission.
(laughs)
I am serious about this.
I know.
I wanna just
get my shit together
and like be.
I'm gonna read all your
smarty pants books,
at least half way, and
I'm gonna follow you to yoga
or meditation or whatever,
and I'm gonna start
buying organic and shit.
I'm gonna be your
happy hippy shadow.
(giggles)
Oh, hippies
don't cast shadows.
They're like vampires?
Vampires cast shadows, Cass,
they don't have reflections.
Oh, but would a vampire shadow
be seen in a mirror?
And what about vampire hippies?
What do they eat?
Beets?
That makes no sense, Margaret.
Yes it does.
(cheers)
Soon we're going to be able
to be ridiculous in person.
It's going to be great.
It's okay, let me take this.
I'm just gonna put
it down over here.
It's okay.
Sorry.
It's okay.
It's gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay.
(crying)
It's still hot.
Do you, do you want
me to call anybody?
I did.
I mean anybody else?
Like who?
Like the police?
Whoever.
There's no one to call.
Except for my brother,
but that's why I
can't call the police.
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
She gives him money.
He's a fuck-up, but he needs it.
She would cut him off
just to get to me,
and I can't do that to him,
and I can't fuck with
her just to get to him,
I have to help him instead.
That's really not
your responsibility.
And it's not yours, either.
I'm sorry.
No, you're right, I get it.
It's complicated.
I'm sorry that I had
nowhere else to go to.
It's fine.
Why is it fine?
Why are you being so nice to me?
What, do you just feel so sorry
for the poor little black girl?
The tea smells good.
It is good.
It's probably cool enough
to drink right now.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,
no it's not, it's not.
It's not cool enough.
I'll just leave it there.
Yeah.
We'll wait.
Yeah.
This what I got
to look forward to?
Huh, unfortunately.
Um, there is stuff to make
sandwiches in the fridge,
and feel free to take
whatever you want, okay?
Also, if you have any
trouble like finding anything
or if you wanna talk,
just text me, okay?
Actually, I'll just
call you later.
You don't have
to do that, okay.
I know, I know, I just
don't have any dinner food,
so we'll talk about
dinner, all right?
Okay, bye.
This was a good call.
Yeah, I thought something
dimple would be good.
Mm, how much do I
owe you for everything?
No.
No, really, how
much do I owe you?
Look, I really don't
have anywhere else to go.
I know.
I know that.
And I really appreciate
you letting me stay with you.
[Margaret] Vee.
Just let me finish.
Okay.
Sorry.
I just don't wanna crowd you
and I don't wanna
overstay my welcome.
[Margaret] That's
not why I was asking...
Just let me pay for
food this time, bitch.
Okay.
Fine.
You dip your
fries in barbecue?
You don't?
It's delicious.
Barbecue's for meat.
You don't eat
barbecue potato chips?
I'll just stick to ketchup.
Where are you goin'?
I'm leaving.
I hope you and your ketchup
are very happy together.
What's wrong with you?
I'm just gettin' some water.
Do you want some water?
Sure.
I didn't know you were silly.
I don't care,
Marge, I wanna see it.
Why?
[Cass] Because
it looks beautiful.
It's out of your price range,
and it's a three-bedroom.
And there are
three of us here.
Woah, I can't.
I can't afford to
move yet, I mean,
I will but I can't do that.
I'm gonna go look at
it, and the two of you
can either come with me, or not.
Come on!
Square, uh let me double
check on the details.
I'm so excited to show
you this location.
Could be the start of a
really cool girl's club.
I'm offering you a chance to
get in on the ground level.
I like my place, Cass.
How much can you pay?
[Marge] Cass.
Are you comfortable
telling me?
I really like this place and
I can afford a big portion
of the rent.
Honestly?
Of course.
I don't know, maybe 500 tops.
She may not want
to live with you.
You may be putting
her on the spot.
I'm sorry, am I doing that?
Not really.
I don't not wanna live with you.
Mhm?
But with both of you.
Oh my god, you two.
(laughs)
You can't even move
for another month,
and this place'll
probably be gone by then.
Three weeks.
They'll save it for us.
My credit score's bomb.
And even if I do
have to pay extra,
it still represents
savings in the long run.
If you join us.
I don't wanna pay
an uneven share.
What if you get last
pick of the bedrooms?
Cass.
What?
She shouldn't have
to worry about that.
You need to start a new life.
Of course you should
be comfortable
with how that gets done, but
let people help you.
I'm not usually good
at helping people.
Ultimately, money is
such a minor thing.
Says the person with money.
Mhm.
Rowr.
I...
I would consider
signing if Mags does.
Ha!
Let's go this, Mags.
I am your destiny.
We are your destiny.
(puppy dog whimpering)
I don't know if I
can break my lease.
Ah!
My dear, we will wait for you!
Hey lady!
Do you wanna keep
talking on the phone
to a prospective client,
or do you wanna make money
right now?
I feel like this could
be really good for me.
For us.
I know I haven't been through
what Vee is going through,
or what Marge has been through,
and I'm thankful for that.
But maybe that means I can help.
Maybe when we live together,
if we talk with the
time, everybody's got
their own shit to deal with.
I'm not exactly the
picture of happiness.
A reset will be good.
Why wouldn't I wanna
live with my best friend?
And the more I get to know
Vee, the more I like her.
She's really fucking smart,
and she's got a smart ass,
which is the best
kind of ass to have,
which makes her my
kind of roommate.
I hope Girl's Club doesn't
turn into book club though.
It might with those two
I could do wine and books.
That could be my contribution.
The wine.
I'm still afraid, yeah,
but I know it's gonna be
a long road, and
that it's gonna take
more than change to help me,
but I don't know,
maybe Cass was right.
I just need something for me.
A new life for me.
Or at least something
with potential.
That's all I know for now,
just that it won't be the
same as it was before.
So.
Are we gonna talk
about the groceries,
or?
Very funny, bitch.
Very funny.
We'll see how it goes.
It might,
it will probably be good for me.
For all of us.
It's worth a shot.
It's something to do,
in addition to all the
searching and the talking.
Do you know why I
really said yes?
Why?
I'm not stupid.
I know Cass.
I knew something like
this might happen.
The idea gave me hope.
You know?
Finally.
Some real hope.
Something to be thankful for.
I mean, two people
who really get me,
two real people who will
always be there for me,
no matter what.
I feel that trust.
(laughs)
How many times have
I walked in here
with that kind of positivity?
(laughs)
(upbeat smooth rock music)