The Workout Room (2019) Movie Script

1
- Yo, Juice what up?
- Man, where you at?
Where are you?
I'm 'bout to leave.
Come on man, I
know you, this a paid gig,
my girl gonna be mad
as hell if we late.
Yo, dude, relax okay,
I'm leaving in five.
All right, bet.
So, what's up, is it
gonna be sold out or what?
Man, you already know.
That's what I like to hear.
I'm already on my way.
I'll see you in a minute.
Hey, Scoob what's up?
Man, where the heck you at, man?
What you mean by that?
You coming to Workout tonight?
'Cause they got
you in the lineup.
Nah, nah, nah, I got a paid gig.
I ain't coming tonight.
Get outta here, where at?
Why you hating, talm where at?
Juice ol' girl hooked us up,
so, don't worry about it.
Ooh Lord, I can't stand
Juice with his big head, Lord.
Won't you get on stage tonight?
Mm-mm, that ain't for me,
I'm gonna stick to what I do.
And that is?
Yeah, looks good.
Oh, oh, oh, she there tonight?
Yeah, you know her
little munchkin face here,
looking like a little Care Bear.
Okay, cool, look, just
cross me off the list.
And whoever show
up, put 'em on it.
Don't make no big deal
about it, all right?
All right little
baby, bye, I gotta go.
I'm about to get this money.
What's up there Scooby?
Yeah, what's good, what's good?
That was quick,
how was the show?
The show was off
the chain, you know?
I met the man and everything.
Oh, I know you
lying, get out of here.
Come on now, you know,
hey, it's pretty soon,
no more free shows for the kid.
I know that's right.
Only paid ones.
Huh.
That's what I'm talking about.
Think you cold.
Matter of fact, you seen Juice?
Nope.
So you going up or what?
I don't know, I gotta get
him and get my money first.
I know that's right.
I'm about getting paid.
Yes, indeed, today my
birthday, we about to have
a shot about that, you want one?
Come on, you
pouring I'm drinking.
Get that shot then.
Go ahead, ain't everyday
your birthday though?
Yeah.
Let's get right
I took off the swag,
put on the cool
Legs rock when the
crack halves the roof
Ladies, ladies,
what's up, what's up?
How y'all doing, y'all good?
Y'all ain't got no
drinks or nothing?
What y'all drinking,
spit tonight?
That's all right, what's up?
What's up, how you
doing my brother?
That's what I'm talking about.
Here you go little
baby, you good?
You sure?
Good.
Like a new style something like.
Man, Juice still
doing them same jokes
he did when he first started.
I seen Janet in them Hammer
panties though, woo hoo.
When I say Hammer panties
they Hammer pants though.
I seen her I was like, I
would love to see Janet
in some Hammer panties
too though, you know.
He need to let
them Hammer pants go.
Oh Lord, ain't nobody got
time for that like that.
Y'all not about to put me
in the middle of
y'all mess like that.
No, oh uh-uh.
Spit all over it and
I'll still be trying to
Snapchat that
booty, you feel me?
Uh-uh, you need a
drink, 'cause I need one?
Yeah.
Give me some water.
You don't need no water,
we about to have a shot
on this same set,
I'm too tired, uh-uh.
I don't need no shot, I'll
kill everybody up in here.
I know that's
right, me too, uh-uh,
just put me on your back.
Skinny jeans right now.
Same joke.
Say bro, Big Comedy say
you doing the same set bro.
What's up people?
Hey, what's up, Nita?
What you need little
baby, what you need?
Give me two 7 and 7s
and a Crown and Coke.
What you over here
laughing about?
Girl, nothing at all,
you don't wanna know.
So, the wedding is next
week, are you excited?
Yeah, I'm getting
a little nervous.
I mean this stuff is
expensive, I spent $1,000
of my money so far.
Girl, uh-uh, I
know you're lying.
In New Orleans that's
like three months rent.
Mm.
I gotta show you my dress.
Oh, you not playing,
you is rolling out 'chere,
you got it already?
Girl no, I do my fitting
tomorrow, you wanna come?
Girl, yeah, I'll come with you.
Ooh girl, I wanna see your
Victoria filling something, girl.
So, how much does it cost?
Girl, I'm renting it.
For real, how much the venue?
Oh, we got lucky, David's
come on-worker's sister
co-owns a venue with her nephew.
I mean it's got bad revues
and all, but hey, it's free.
I know that's right,
'cause guess what?
It's over for the situation,
nobody got no money.
Mm-hmm, how's your husband?
Lord.
He's still cheating.
No.
Still cheating, same mood.
What are you gonna do about it?
The same thing I been doing.
Hmm, hmm.
He cheat,
I eat.
Girl, you crazy.
Getting away from my wife.
Her TV viewing is
absolutely horrible.
I promise you, she like
all the sexy guys on TV.
Morris Chestnut, and Boris
Kodjoe, and Idris Elba.
I know she's gonna cheat on
me, I know that for a fact.
Don't have to catch the
bus anymore, used to be
a Greyhound traveler, anybody
out there on the Greyhound?
Yeah, it's rough ain't it?
82 stops from here to anywhere,
I promise you that one.
What's happening
Teejay, drinks on you?
What's up y'all?
Hey, man, when you left it got
cracking at the other spot.
Whatever, you got my money?
What?
I know you man, you
don't like to pay people.
Give me my money, Juice.
Come on, chill out, I got you,
I told you I'm a
give you your money.
I just want my money, Juice.
All right man, I got you.
No you don't, I know you Juice.
You always not trying to
give people they money.
Come on, man, chill out.
What's up BC?
What's up you squares?
What's up, Big Circle?
Shoot, tough crowd tonight, man.
He need all the help he can get.
Aye, anybody hear anything?
About what?
Y'all ain't doing
the cruise this year?
Oh, nah, I ain't
messing with no cruise.
I don't even like
water like that.
Oh, look who it is,
Mr. Dashiki himself.
What's up my fellow
African-Americans?
What's happening, what's up?
Yeah, you still stealing jokes?
Here you go fool.
E-I-E-I-O.
Hey.
- Hey, what's up girl?
- Good to see you.
So what's up man, why
you by yourself again?
Where's this girl
at you said you had?
I don't have a
girl, I have a queen.
You know what I'm saying?
But you know, in due
time, in due time.
Man, you ain't got no girl, man.
I told you I don't have a
girl, you're absolutely right,
I have a woman.
God, look at this guy.
Hey Ms. Xena, sure
looking good tonight.
I know, thanks Big Comedy.
Hey!
I'm fine,
thanks for asking.
Go running over there, sucker.
Yeah, okay well
that's great news.
Why don't you call me back
when you know for sure
'cause I got some guys
that'd be great for the show.
Yeah, okay, all right,
talk to you later.
What's up, Jake?
Peace queen, how are you?
I'm busy, what's up?
Well, I just wanted to
know if I can get my girl
on the guest list Friday night?
Your girlfriend?
Yeah, my girl.
Like The Temptations, you know.
My girl
My girl
Yeah, okay, I got
it, you're girl.
You got a girl.
But you know I don't
handle that, right?
Oh, I know sister, I just
wanted to run it past you
because I don't
want no problems.
Ain't gonna be no problems,
just tell Jason
you talked to me.
But, that don't mean
her drinks are free.
Wait, what was that?
Her drinks ain't free!
That's what I thought you said.
Okay, that's cool, that's cool.
What about mine?
Dre, get outta here.
Black lives matter, right?
Yeah, but yours don't.
Listen, tell Teejay
to come in here,
I need to holler at
him for a second.
Okay, cool.
Hey man, these
right here is fire.
Hottest things on the market.
Somebody's in trouble.
Trouble
Hey, what happened, what,
you get on the cruise?
Nah.
All lame and shit.
Hey, Xena's
looking for you, man.
I knew she always
wanted me, you know?
No.
Women at the job like Marcellus.
Daddy!
'Cause
you know they say his name
like it's important.
Hey baby, what's up?
Hey.
Ah.
How you doing?
Good, how are you?
I'm okay, I'm okay.
Don't forget your
fitting tomorrow.
I won't forget the
fitting tomorrow.
You told me 1,000 times, okay.
Where you going?
Gotta go see the boss lady.
Oh, well since
you're going back there
can you bring that
to her, please?
This, I think you
better pour some more.
Ladies, when the last time
a ugly dude tried
to talk to you?
That should do it,
talk to you later.
Bye, daddy.
Better do me good
What is the point of knocking
if nobody waits for
the come in part?
Have a seat.
Well, I heard you
were looking for me.
Now look, I already know
where this is going.
And normally I don't mix
business with pleasure.
What the hell?
No disrespect, I've been
thinking a lot about this too.
Now if we can just find a way
where we can get away with this.
Teejay enough, that for me?
Oh, yeah, here you go.
Listen, I might
have a gig for ya.
Word?
You know that Johnny Jay tour?
Their feature act fell
off the stage last week.
So there might be a
spot in the next show
which happens to be
right here in LA.
Word.
Can you please stop saying word?
Sorry.
So you interested?
Hell yeah, when is it?
It's Saturday.
Saturday, sigh me up.
Johnny Jay tour, come on, I
gotta find something to wear.
I gotta go shopping.
Wait a minute, not
this Saturday, right?
Well obviously it's not this
Saturday, it's next Saturday.
What's the problem?
Anita.
What about Anita?
Oh, the wedding.
Well, you can't go. You know
what, don't worry about it,
I'll ask Juice, or
somebody like that.
Ain't no asking no Juice.
It's Teejay okay, don't
give my spot away, I got this.
I mean it's not like it's
etched in stone or anything,
but I like to be ready.
'Cause K, don't play.
Well Teejay, got this, okay.
Teejay, come on now,
you know you need to be
at this wedding, are you sure?
Look boss lady, don't give
my spot away, all right?
Just do me one huge favor.
Okay, I'm not gonna
say anything to anybody,
but you got 24 hours to
get it together, okay?
'Cause I'm not in the business
of tip toeing around here.
Workout Room, this is Xena.
Hey, I got your message.
Peanut, I did not
leave you a message!
I'm saying though, is
it cool for me to go up?
Did you think about it at least?
Yes.
Yes!
Yes I thought about it.
Oh.
Now look it here Peanut,
the last time you said
you was gonna come up here you
didn't, you left me hanging.
Now you know you
supposed to be able to
get yourself up
here, you know that.
Look, I got that covered.
It ain't nothing but a cheap
little flight Chicago to LA,
so I'm saying, is it
cool for me to go up?
All right, I'm a pencil you in.
But if you mess this
up it's over for you,
don't even ask again.
You ain't even gotta
worry about none of that.
I'm a kill the stage, promise.
All right, bye.
Hey mama, mama, pack
my bags, I'm going to LA.
If I said it once
then I'll say it again
There's nothing
like you and me
Hey.
Scooby!
Looking good girl.
Nita!
Come over here girl.
Somebody been drinking.
All right.
You getting nervous yet?
No, not really.
No?
I just want
everything to go smooth.
I spent a lot of
money, you know?
Oh it will.
What?
Nothing, why?
Oh my goodness Xena, what?
Did you see David
with some skank?
No, Nita no, David would
never do nothing like that.
He is a good and
wholesome young man.
Where is he anyway?
Working, but what is it, Xena?
All right I'm a tell
you, but you gotta give me
24 to 25 hours and
I'm a let you know.
I don't like the sound of that.
Okay, come here.
Closer.
Lean in.
You need to talk to your daddy.
- Why?
- I am not in the business
of telling other
people's business.
My name is business,
God dang, woo-wee, baby!
Xena, come on, what is it?
Okay, your daddy might
be doing a Johnny Jay show.
But he's thinking
about passing on it
because it's your wedding.
Or is he passing on your wedding
because he doing the show?
You know I don't know.
Hey big daddy, you ever
been with a cougar?
What's up, girl?
Hey Kiki, where's Scooby?
Good question.
Hmm, girl you not
gonna believe this,
I can't believe this.
What, what is it, is it David?
You know I got my knife.
Why do you have a
knife in the club?
You know, a lot of
perverts around here,
you never know when
I might need it.
So anyway, what's up?
Spill it.
It's my dad, he might
not make my wedding.
What?
What do you mean he may
not make the wedding?
And the fool don't
even know that I know.
Well, wait a minute,
how do you know?
Xena told me.
Let me guess.
Hennessy.
Girl you already know.
Man, that girl is a trip.
So what did she say?
That he booked the
Johnny Jay show next week.
Oh, that's a good one though.
I mean Johnny Jay's show, he
number one, he been sold out
for weeks now.
Rub it in, why don't you?
I'm sorry, I'm just, you know,
that's just what he been
working real hard for.
I know.
I'm sorry, I know.
Wait a minute.
Hey Teejay, come here.
Hey, what's up.
What's up Teejay, we
was looking for you?
Oh yeah, well, here I am.
Hi Nita.
Hey daddy, don't forget
your fitting tomorrow.
No need reminding
me about the fitting,
I'm not gonna forget, same
place as the dress shop, right.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, I'll be there.
Bye guys.
Bye.
Mm-hmm.
Make him sweat a little
bit, just what he deserve.
Here.
You feel me?
But it is some downfalls
to being big though,
'cause like when you
big and you move in
with your dude, you know
what I'm saying like,
if your skinny he
will hire movers.
But when you big like
me he be like come here,
get the dolly, you
know what I'm saying?
Like help me move
the 'frigerator.
Got me going down the stair
backwards, you feel me?
Like why am I going down the
stairs backwards, you the man?
All right, all right, all right.
Hey.
One more time for her.
Give it up.
Hello, excuse me.
Hello, excuse me.
Yeah, she was funny.
I need to borrow some wifi,
y'all got the wifi code?
Now you know we don't give
out no free wifi, Ashley.
Come on, help a sister out.
Do you even have a computer?
My brother got a computer.
Or a phone?
My sister got a phone.
Listen Ashley, you gonna
buy something or what?
Let me think about it.
I'm good.
Get your ass outta here Ashley.
I'm a customer.
Go, you're a
non-paying customer,
and put some lotion on, damn.
Hey, I'm natural.
Yeah, you naturally ashy.
My mama got lotion.
Well tell her to rub it in.
Rub it in.
Ladies, how y'all doing tonight?
Y'all good.
Yeah.
Y'all looking good
tonight, that's for sure.
So what's up with ladies night,
why y'all always
having ladies night?
Y'all always getting free
stuff, men don't get free stuff.
We gotta pay for everything.
Brother, ain't that true?
Yeah dude, yeah.
I mean what's going on wit that?
Y'all always talking
about this equality stuff,
like everything's equal, I
can do anything a man can do.
No y'all can't, okay, y'all
need to stop that, for real.
Ma'am, can you take a punch?
Yes, I can take a punch.
You can take a punch? Why
you seven months pregnant?
- Anybody on the damn stage.
- Got some strong women
in the house tonight, all right.
Teejay, what's up,
what's up, what's up boy?
What's up man, you
still tripping off
that measly little money?
Man I told you I'm gonna
give you the money tomorrow,
they cut me a check.
I ain't tripping
man, 40 little dollars,
I got bigger fish to
broil, you know I got
the wedding right around
the corner, right?
Yeah, I mean I talked to Nita,
she said everything
was in place.
I mean, so what's
the big deal now?
'Cause I'm getting cold feet.
All these finances
you know what I mean?
L-O-V-E, I almost
spent $500 on it.
Yeah, I know, we all
know about your $500.
What did boss lady say?
Same ol' same ol',
you coming tomorrow?
I'm getting fitted for my
tux, you wanna meet me there?
It's cool with me, hit
me before you come swoop.
Swoop?
Man, don't nobody say
swoop no more man.
I'm not, you're tripping man.
So what, you got
some more jokes?
I mean, I'm tired
of everybody asking me
about my material like I
don't just be up onstage
ripping everything, everything
that come out of my mouth
is new material, you going up?
No man, not tonight.
All right, you
sure you all right?
You sure, you should do
something with them edges though.
You tripping, I
ain't gonna bother you.
Coming to the stage,
y'all seen him all over,
put your hands together for,
put your hands together for,
who's coming up?
Juice.
Juice. Put your hands
together for juice.
I've been I've been I've
been
You ever notice when
you're working somewhere
your co-workers and
stuff people always
got to refer to 'em
like a color something?
Like when they talk about
black James or white James.
See when they talk
about white James
all they do is talk about
a guy with a blue shirt,
or it's just James.
But when they talk
about black James
it's the black James
with the blue shirt on.
You feel what I'm saying?
Little black James.
Black James, yeah, ha, ha,
yeah, yeah, uh-huh.
And what about these
laptops, y'all ever see
these people with the laptops?
I don't even understand why
they call them a laptop.
People got the laptop
with the tablets
and the index cards,
with the iPhone.
I don't even understand why
they call them a laptop.
It's 'cause all you do
is sit it on your lap.
Maybe it should be
called a sit top.
Ha ha!
It's a damn sit top.
Forget y'all man,
that was funny.
Was it?
All right, she gonna
yell out stuff at my joke,
why you gotta be like that?
Huh?
Don't be like that,
who is that back there?
I ain't yelling at your job,
hit you with some of this funny.
Well why don't you try
slapping us with some funny?
Well why don't you
come up here and let me
slap you with some funny?
Hey man, that's my
lady you talking to.
Oh my bad that's
a lady back there?
I didn't know, I
thought that was
Shaquille O'Neal or something.
My bad, we out here in
Hollywood, threw me off.
Yeah, aye, I'm a get
up out of here though,
y'all been great, thank
you for laughing with me,
my name Juice, peace.
On life
I been, I been, I been,
I been balling life
Fresh
Go and hate on me
Aye man, thank y'all for
participating in the show.
You know these just some
crazy little jokes, right?
Do I need to go get
Solange for you, little man?
No, no, it ain't even
that type of party, man.
Your lady looks beautiful
man, both of y'all
look real, real nice.
How about this,
next round on me?
Step man.
All right, all
lives matter, bro.
Why yo
Why yo
Hi ladies, Hi.
How are you doing tonight?
Good, how are you?
So, what can I get you?
I'll take a cup of water please.
I'm fine, thank you.
So, I was telling her
the next time he hit her
you take something and
knock the hell out.
Excuse me, so are
y'all still deciding?
We're fine, just here to
see my nephew perform tonight.
You know what?
That's sweet, that's so sweet.
But there's a two
drink minimum tonight.
Oh, wow,
okay.
I'll take a order of
fries and a cup of water.
Ma'am, now I know you
just ordered the fries
but it's a two drink minimum,
not a two item minimum.
So if I want this steak,
the most spenses thing on
the menu, that don't count,
but the water count?
That's correct ma'am.
Now that don't
make no sense at all.
Fine, bring us both a
water to start with.
Wait a minute,
how much is water?
That's $6.
$6, American dollars?
Well hell, how much is the bur?
The bur is $6 too.
We spent over $100 here
last week and it wasn't no
two drink item, minimum,
maximum nothing.
This is not what you
call customer service,
she gave up alcohol for lent.
Mm-hmm.
And I'm a recovering alcoholic.
Five weeks, two days.
Thank you Jesus.
Thank you Jesus, hallelujah,
praise His holy name.
But I'm sorry ma'am,
it's still gonna be
a two drink minimum.
So what's it gonna be?
Come on girl, let's go.
Ain't never seen no
damn place like this,
every time you go
they want your money.
Watch your mouth now
ma'am, Jesus is watching.
Damn, damn, damn!
Remember it's lent!
Hey Xena, trying
to take care of that tab.
Oh okay, you trying
to do it today?
Tomorrow, but man can
you tell this girl I'm good?
I promised some of
your audience members
some drinks, you know?
I mean it's good for the club.
Ooh man I'm gonna get up out
of here 'cause y'all just ooh,
ever since when
the club get packed
y'all get to acting
all bougie and stuff.
Y'all just act cheapy,
ain't never been to
a club this broke.
Norman ain't never get cut off.
Ooh Kiki, thank you
so much girl, I owe you.
I got you.
Hey man,
y'all having a good year?
You go to the mirror
and saw your booty hole.
What y'all got on special?
It's the same special
we got every other night.
We got the $2 special and
then we got the good stuff.
How much that good stuff?
It's $5 a shot.
Yeah, I want that.
Yeah, I'm gonna get the $2.
Can you get her a shot please?
Scally wags on the roll.
Hi Juice.
Yes, lady?
You stank.
I thought you was leaving?
I'm trying to get me a
drink, Kiki you got me?
Give me a drink.
No, I do not have you, you
don't know how to pay your tab.
Losing my job over you, mm-mm.
That a lace front?
See that's why you sober
and broke, lace front that.
You got them edges
girl, you got them edges.
You seen Anita?
She was actually looking for
you, you want me to text her?
No, no, I'm good, I'm good.
Don't forget about
that fitting tomorrow.
Why everybody reminding
me about the fitting?
Okay, I'm not gonna forget,
I spent a lot of money
on this wedding, I almost
spent like $500 already.
$500?
That's not even a lot
of money for a wedding.
Not only that, but it's your
only daughter's wedding.
Am I right Kiki, or am I right?
You right.
See?
How you gonna count my pockets?
Everybody ain't balling, okay?
I mean like you right?
I guess you balling?
Nah, I'm not balling, but
I'm saying, you act like
it's a million dollars or
something, now you the one
be balling 'cause I
saw you last night,
we was in the strip club
you kept throwing out
all the money.
I'm steady trying to catch
the ones out the sky.
Okay, there's two
things man, okay.
You don't talk about
old news, okay?
All right, all right.
Two, get you some business.
Okay.
Three, mind your business.
Okay?
All right.
Cheap.
Bless you.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
You got me on a drink?
I ain't got you, man.
Lust
Baby girl you turn me on
Like a butterfly
So beautiful you got me gone
Yeah
You see your chocolate
skin it drive me wild.
Excuse me
ma'am, can you help me?
Oh, just because I'm
white you think I work here?
I'm kidding.
Okay, so you do work here?
No, but she does I think.
Excuse me.
Yes?
Can you help me?
Sorry I'm late girl, what the?
What the?
Hi, I'm Anita, I'm here
for my fitting today.
Oh okay, who's your
dress specialist?
Ginger?
Ooh, she's out today
with gastric problems,
so I can take care of you.
Oh, okay.
I'm Charlie with a
I-E, come this way.
All right, girl oh my
God, did you see that boy?
He done begged for that.
Stop it girl, that's a woman.
Excuse me, I'm ready for you.
All right, I need
you to keep this area
clear and clean at all
times, okay, you got that?
Keep 'em clean.
Man I got a headache and cramps.
You got any meds on you?
I got some heartburn pills,
make your throat bubbly.
You want them?
You don't want them?
What the hell I need heart?
Workout Room, this is Xena.
What?
That is just foolishness
boy, why don't you relax?
Calm down, okay?
It's probably just one or two
haters saying that anyway.
We have a good line, no,
we have a great lineup
and specials, so,
I'm not worried.
Matter of fact I'm busy.
I need to get off the phone.
Yeah, all right, bye.
Hey, hey, y'all heard?
What?
Awe man, I got some
real serious calls
from some real
serious comedy folks
and they talking
'bout boycotting.
Can you believe that?
I mean we got great
comedians and specials
and they wanna complain
about two measly drinks.
They wanna complain about
something, all the time.
Sorry I'm late,
have y'all heard?
Okay, so what, is it
just The Workout Room
or is it every
other comedy club?
All the comedy clubs
in the city, I mean but,
social media, it's
gone national.
Not cool.
That's crazy.
Okay, okay, this
what we gonna do.
It ain't gonna be us, no.
'Cause what we gonna do is
call Mark's fat face behind
and get him to do one
of them, the meme blast.
'Cause we gonna be the
only comedy joint in town
with a no minimum.
Yeah, 'cause I mean half
the time these fools
drink more than
two drinks anyway.
You right.
Anita, make me a
drink, my nerves is bad.
- Make me a shot too.
- No!
You have to pay for that.
Where is Scooby,
where is the DJ?
KB, come help me find the DJ!
So what's up with the wedding,
is everything going all right?
Yeah, I had my fitting today.
For real.
Just get a little nervous.
I can't tell, now your
daddy on the other hand.
Oh, he told you.
I mean he been stressing
about the money he paid,
he acting like he the
one getting married.
Pacing back and
forth like he crazy.
The money, ha.
What?
Tell me what?
He was supposed to
tell me something?
Nothing, look, I gotta
finish counting the money
on this drawer, so, let
me get you drink on me.
Ooh, I can drink.
Then get out of here.
Pour me up.
Get out of here
before I change my mind.
Which one got more in it?
That on got little bit more?
I'm a just take
both of 'em, here.
No, you know I gotta pace her.
You right, you sho' right.
What's up?
God dang it Juice, knock.
Now how many times I gotta
tell you, what do you want?
My bad, I was just trying
to bring you a little drink.
A little yack to
relax, you know.
Ah, thank you.
But you know I don't like
to drink when we busy
'cause that's not professional.
I understand, but
I mean it's brown.
A little brown ain't
gonna hurt, one drink.
That ain't gonna hurt nobody.
One won't hurt.
You're sweet, thank you.
I'm a get up out of here.
Okay then.
Just go ahead and drink
that up right there.
Inappropriate relationship
She loves my oak desk
And she's fiending
for the caucus
Oh yeah.
She's looking happy like
she wants to get it on
Mean street and McLaughlin
and the hoes work
Hey boss.
Okay.
Okay, coming right up.
Juice, did you give her
that drink I gave you?
What?
You know she's
starting too early.
You really think you slick,
now she want another one.
Aye, that's a grown
woman back there.
Besides I'm a gentlemen.
I mean it's her bar, she
can have whatever she want.
Demetrius, what's up big dap?
What's happening my brother?
Hey man, don't make
me get on them shoes.
Nah, I ain't gonna
mess with you today.
What in the hell?
Ah see, come on,
man, don't hate.
Get the hater face off.
Traitor!
See, I told you man,
this is my girl Nicole.
This is my queen.
How you doing?
Queen, this is big head Juice,
and this is Miss Nita,
the beautiful Miss Nita.
And soon to be Mrs. Nita.
Nice to meet you.
Nice shirt.
Yeah, yeah, she made it herself.
She's the designer, she's
the stylist and all that.
But anyway,
can we get a waiter to our
table or do we order with you?
What's going on?
Well, we're
technically not open yet.
But you can order here
if you want, the usual?
Girl, stop playing,
you know I don't have
no usual or nothing like that.
What the hell
wrong with you man?
You act like this your
first rodeo or something.
Okay, T, this is obviously
not my first rodeo, okay?
I'm from Houston, all right,
we invented the rodeo, bruh,
thank you very much.
Anyway, Nita, okay, I need a
Sauvignon Blanc, and a Merlot.
Oh wait, wait, hold
up, scratch that.
Okay, make that a Sauvignon
Blanc and a Bud Light.
Coming right up.
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.
Wait, I think I'm gonna go big,
I think I'm gonna
do it big today.
I'm a go over the edge.
I'm a go ahead and have a
Hennessy, and a Bud Light.
So, you want the
usual and a Bud Light?
Oh, so you an assistant
bartender today?
That's what you doing?
By the way, what the
hell is a Sauvignon Blanc
I mean I think we got Southern
Black or something like that.
But with Sauvignon?
Sauvignon Blanc.
With Sauvignon Blanc, is that?
We gonna be over to the
table with this, yeah.
Gotcha.
I like that shirt though, aye.
Okay, everybody gather
round, gather round.
Lord.
Gather round.
Now, I'm a need all ya
to remember to smile
'cause I'm about
to open them doors.
And also, it's a no
drink minimum tonight.
So that means it's all
about the customers.
Also, also I'm a need
all the comedians
to meet me out on the patio.
So, let's meet on the patio.
Y'all move on.
Y'all can get up and go.
All right, okay you can
stay there, that's fine.
Don't meet me out on the patio,
but you're making me nervous,
Anita get me a drink.
Look at these two moving up
like some teacher's
helpers or something.
Now in addition to
the no drink minimum,
I'm asking all the comedians
to respect the light, okay.
What if we right in the
middle of a storyline joke?
You ain't even got
no storyline jokes.
Them little knock-knock
jokes you be telling 'em
is not no storyline jokes.
Can you spell story?
Can you spell funny?
Yeah.
Listen, listen now,
okay, you're not gonna need
the light if you're
funny, so keep it funny,
keep it interesting, mini
punchlines, all right?
Don't do no long drawn
out story 'cause people
don't wanna hear that, ain't
nobody got no time for that.
Is that it, we good?
Is that it, is this
all we need to know?
No, don't start with me Juice.
'Cause K don't play.
Who is K?
Kxena, I don't know.
It's French, so the X is silent.
All right look, the
meeting is adjourned.
Disrespectful.
I'm not.
Where my drink, where
my drink Nita, come on?
Make two of
'em, her one and me one.
Teejay, so what's up?
Xena, will you relax,
I said I'm in okay?
In what, what's going
on here, what you in?
Nothing, I'm in like
Flynn, that's what's up.
You got my money?
Come on man, you
still hounding me
about that little change.
Look, I told you, I got you,
I'm a give you your change.
I figured it all out, all right.
We as a people, we need to
learn how to utilize each other.
I figured this thing out.
We need to support one another.
I'm a barter with
you, how 'bout this,
whatever you drink I got you?
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
Come play and get you
A drink, I got you.
You not 'bout to
pay me in drinks, man!
I want my money.
Well, I ain't got your
money, you can talk to Bobby.
I told, Bobby the one
told me about this,
Bobby said y'all need to learn
how to support each other.
White people, they stay,
the rich gonna stay rich,
and the poor gonna stay poor,
and right now, let's be rich.
Get you one.
Little drink, drink, little
drink, drink, toast, toast.
You didn't just spend my money
right in front of me, did you?
No, I'm saying I got you though.
I don't want no drink
man, I want my money, Juice.
- I'm a pay you your money.
- I want my money.
Where is she?
I need to talk to
Xena right now.
Where is Xena?
Xena!
Excuse me, what do
you think you're doing?
Don't play with me
Jason, where is Xena?
This is some bull!
- How can we help you Tia?
- Am I in the lineup tonight?
Did you get an email
stating that you were?
An email?
Okay again, this is some
bull, some Red Bull.
Look Tia, you
know how this works.
Either you get the
email confirmation
or you show up early
to get on the list.
You have neither.
You see, this is why
nobody wanna fool with y'all.
You got all these
dudes on this show
but what about us comediennes?
Yeah, what about
the comediennes?
Okay Tia, and
Tamera, I'm assuming.
I'll let her know you
ladies are here, okay.
So, go have a drink,
or another drink.
You rider
I'll be turnt up for sure
I'm hooked up for sho'
Can't turn up no more
All right, thank you.
Thank you.
Xena!
All right, now who is
ready for some funny?
Huh?
I can't hear you.
Who needs some
funny in your life?
Huh?
All right, we are
gonna bring up,
as in me, is gonna bring up,
the host of tonight
our very own,
I'm up, I'm up.
Teejay!
Wait a minute
You ain't Teejay,
that's not you.
Now you know
Tired of what she doing
Oh
For me?
Thank you, I appreciate
that, appreciate that.
I'm glad to see people come
out and have a good time.
That's what it's about, but
you gotta control yourself
'cause you like to drink.
You remind me of my
cousin, I got a cousin.
Anybody got one of
them cousins out there,
them little weekend alcoholics?
You know what I mean?
Get drunk on the weekend,
don't know what they did.
Can't remember nothing.
Hey, you know what I'm
a do, I'm a have me one,
maybe two glasses of wine.
And then I'm going to sleep.
And then she call me Saturday
morning, throwing up.
All on the phone, Teejay.
I'm boo-booing on myself.
Teejay, I can't stop
shaking, Teejay!
I'm like what's wrong with you?
I had two glasses of wine.
Two glasses of
wine don't do that.
She's like, well, that's
all I had, just two glasses.
I'm like no you didn't, 'cause
you FaceTimed me at 2:00 a.m.
You threw back four
shots of something
in the two minutes
we was talking.
Was that before the two
glasses of wine or after?
She talking 'bout, I did?
You did.
You know you're an alcoholic
if you can't remember
what you drink and how many
times you drink that night.
You know what I'm saying?
But that's my play.
You got it like that,
you got it like that?
Yeah I see y'all laughing,
I'm a keep that one
and then I'm a use again,
but I'm not gonna give y'all
the whole set right now, 'cause
I'm hosting tonight, okay?
And when I'm hosting you
don't give away everything.
So what I'm a do is, I'm a
bring up the first comedian.
Y'all ready for
the first comedian?
You ready
to get the show started?
Y'all ready for the first
comedian?
All right, so you all
put your hands together.
Come on, put 'em together.
Put 'em together and
welcome to the stage, Bobby!
I was looking
for a fast girl
Well ever left her 'lone
They don't pay me enough
to run around here fast like,
that's why I walk slow.
I have to pee anyway.
Speaking of peeing did you
all know that eating asparagus
turns your pee green,
and eating beets
turns your pee red, you
gotta eat a lot of 'em.
So I'm eating healthy, and
I'm saving a lot of money
on food coloring
around Christmas time.
Now that's just foul man.
Let's talk about my kid.
Just had a kid a little while
ago, I love him, he's great.
We had to get rid
of a cat though.
That's a big thing.
What's he doing here?
Everybody thinks
that they love their kid.
I don't know, but I know
Xena don't allow nobody
passing out flyers in the club.
So we had to get rid of
the cat, and it's fine by me.
There she go right there,
Xena 'bout to shut that down.
I hate cats.
You can watch the show now.
I'm a dog, any cat
people here, cat lovers? No.
Yep.
Almost, almost but no.
Looks like you got
that one right, as usual.
Something fishy going on here.
I can feel it, I can smell it.
I'm gonna be nosy and
see what's going on.
Here this cat goes.
Feel like
cats are kind of sneaky.
You know what I mean?
You're like halfway
down a cat's back
any cat anywhere yes,
yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,
yes, all the way to the tip
of the turn of your back.
What's going on,
what's happening here?
We get to pass out
flyers in the club now?
What's up, Xena?
Oh, I see how it is,
when I was coming in
with my little fruit on
the side wouldn't nobody
let me pass out no flyers.
I had that big box, you
remember that big box of flyers
when I had them fruits
in the little bag.
Everybody was hating on me and
my little entrepreneurship.
But nah, you get
to walk in here.
What you got going
on here anyway.
My bad, that was real
disrespectful, can I see your flyer?
Thank you, sir.
Two can be prejudiced
birds, if my son comes home
smelling like a bird he's
out, we don't play that,
we don't do that.
That boy crazy.
What's up, how Bobby doing?
So far so good.
But what I wanna know is,
why did you bring that
and fetch this nasty bathroom
towel back to the table man?
This?
Yeah, that's nasty.
'Cause I'm not touching
the doorknob, dude,
after I come out the bathroom.
I know who wash their hands
around here and who don't.
Having pee dribble
all on they knuckles,
I'm not touching that.
True, but you just brought
back those infectious diseases
back to the table
and my girl's eating.
Did you just grab a fry?
That's nasty man.
That's nasty?
Now we can't have
no more fries babe.
She cute too.
Baby don't touch me
after he touched you.
That's nasty.
What Juice doing
man, why Juice so dramatic?
Here's why I don't
like cats, I feel like.
There you go again.
All right, that's
my time, tweet me,
follow me on Facebook, whatever.
God bless the United
States of America,
and the Virgin Islands.
I was looking
for a fast girl
Well ever be a lucky one
Come on, give it up for Bobby.
Y'all can do a little
better than that.
I know he was a little
weird, but you know.
Juice,
Mm-hmm.
How can we help you?
I was just trying to
see what was going on.
'Cause you know when I saw
them flyers then I was like,
ooh Xena ain't gonna play that.
I was just like let
me get over here
and really say something
about this, but somebody,
I don't know who it was,
but somebody messed up
this flyer because this,
what you talking about?
Countryland, planet mars,
I don't know what it is
but watch him, security,
keep your eye on him.
He may have something
wrong with him,
I don't know about that.
I don't know why, how
Teejay get to get on the flyer
and I ain't?
Look, this what we're gonna
do, something we haven't done
in a while, we're gonna
take a little intermission,
and we're gonna play a
little music in between.
So you guys mingle, go to
the bathroom, come back,
we're gonna start the
second half of the show
once the DJ wake up we can
have a little party music.
All right, we'll be back
in about 10 minutes,
and tip the wait staff,
they working hard for you.
All right, we'll see you
back in about 10 minutes.
Every time I think I'm
hemi I'm always loose
Teejay, the boss lady wants you.
- I don't see no boss lady.
- She over there.
Get your ass over here.
She that way.
Hey baby, it's your
daddy, look I know your busy
but why'nt you call me
back or come outside
I'm in the parking lot, okay?
All right.
Baby, what's up?
You didn't get my
message, my text?
No, I've been
working, what's up?
I want to talk to
you for a second.
Teejay, come on,
it's about that time,
let's keep it moving,
get up there do your set
then introduce the closing,
come on, let's get it.
Really, Teejay?
Juice, not now.
Nah, you opening up for
Johnny Jay next Saturday
and wasn't gonna tell a brother?
Okay, what, because
I owe you a funky $40,
that what it is?
Teejay come on, the
crowd is getting tired,
now come on, chop, chop.
Come on man.
So.
I mean I know I
was born at night,
but I wasn't born last night.
Actually I was born
in the morning.
Look baby, I'm
sorry, look, I promise
we'll talk about it, okay?
Let me close the show out and
I'll talk to you in a second.
Can't believe you dude.
Oh you can't believe me.
You can't believe me,
you can't believe me?
Okay drama king, we heard you.
You know, all the
help I do around here.
He's just cheap,
you're just cheap.
I'm not cheap.
You are cheap.
What's up everybody?
What's up Nita, can we rock?
She don't want none of
that little pound pound.
I can hit you up one time
but whatever you want to say
to her you can say to all of us.
Nita, we leaving?
Listen, I don't
know about Juice here,
but I'm actually happy for you.
Well, thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm happy, give me some
love, give me some love.
Nita, can we please?
Yes.
Go talk, I mean over here.
I'm gonna just see what they.
Ah, ah, you gonna come this way.
How can I help you?
How can you help me?
Look, I was gonna
tell you, okay?
When, when daddy?
When I was on my honeymoon
wondering why you
missed my wedding?
Or when I had to walk
myself down the aisle?
When?
Look, I'm working on this okay?
I was not gonna
miss your wedding.
Juice, he over there on
that juice, don't believe
what he say, okay?
Juice didn't tell me.
But what I'm wondering
is why you didn't?
It's been me and
you since forever.
Since when do we hold
secrets this big?
We don't.
I can't tell.
Look,
I'm not doing the show.
Dad, come on.
I mean I already told
Xena I'm not gonna do it.
You can't, I can't let you
do that, you gotta do it.
It's done.
No, it's not done, dad.
Yes it is.
I told Xena already,
so she's probably trying
to find somebody else.
Do the show dad,
just do the show,
come to the reception.
I told Xena already.
What everybody looking
so miserable for, huh?
We had a great show,
and that no minimum
thing really worked.
Kiki what did we gross?
Girl, I don't know,
I'm still over here
counting all this money, mm.
Ha ha!
God is good.
All the time.
Hey Xena, I know Teejay
not doing the show no more
you got anybody else in mind?
You know, that's hilariously
handsome, or Capricorn?
Maybe a little bit of Juice?
Is she ignoring me?
Yeah, as she should ignore you.
Well, well, well,
Mr. Secretive.
See, that's what you get.
Kiki, can I get a shot
of something please?
KB can you pour
Teejay a shot please?
I'm still over here
counting all this money.
Hey, Twinkle, yeah,
yeah, this is Xena Marie,
how you doing?
So where the.
Oh no you didn't boo-boo kitty.
She really think she Taraji.
Xena, just listen.
Do you know who
you just hung up on?
Girl, that was Twinkle, Twinkle
is big time, and my friend.
- I need to talk to you.
- Have you lost your mind?
What, did you go crazy?
What the kids say, crazy cray?
Cray cray.
What?
My niece taught me that,
she cut my hair too.
Xena, just listen to me.
Look, now the show
is one week from now.
Yes, I know your wedding
is one week from now
but girl, this is business,
and I need to let these people
know the real deal.
Now give me back my phone.
Xena, just hear me out.
- Give me back my phone.
- Just hear me out.
No, don't listen to her, boss.
Shut up, dad.
What the hell is going on?
No, call them back
and tell them wrong
number or something,
he will be doing the show with
no exceptions and no excuses.
What the hell?
No excuses.
Now that's love right there.
Some cold blooded ish.
Kiki give us all a round
of drinks, my nerves is bad.
Hey.
Juice too?
Yeah, even him too.
Yeah, Juice too, yeah.
Yeah, I understand what
you're saying but I mean
look at my point here,
you know what I mean?
Well, Ms. Xena,
you obviously don't.
I sent a comedian
here the other day
and she said you didn't
even acknowledge her.
What, who?
See, that's my point.
Women go out in groups tend
to support other women.
Sponsors like that.
Now, you being such
a powerful woman,
now see you should
know that.
Okay, now wait a minute now.
Look, now first I
understand that you're here
to help us out, but you
need to put that thing
back in your pants, and
stop trying to screw me.
Now I let the Ms.
Xena thing slide too.
But no, don't do that.
And please don't tell
me what I should know
because I'm a woman.
You men have no idea, not
even a piece of an idea
of how hard it is to be a
woman in an all man's business.
Hell, to work in any
business for that matter.
Yeah, so please
don't tell me that.
Well okay, I'm listening.
What do you suggest?
Well, Mr. Clive,
we have made several changes
at this establishment, several,
and many more are in the works.
Okay, I'm not denying
the changes you've made
since you've taken
over the spot.
I mean it's like night and day.
But in order to give
you sponsorship funds
I need to see certain
changes tonight.
Come on, you acting
like you don't know me.
That has nothing to do with
it, look, I have bosses too
and we have to have these
proposals done by Monday.
I mean we have a desk
stacked full of proposals
that need to be done.
Now Xena, come on now, really?
All right, okay, tonight.
All right, okay,
so don't let me down.
So, I'm gonna be inviting
a few friends myself
and the boss said
he may come with.
If that's it I'll
see you tonight.
Come give me a hug, come here.
Okay now, do you usually
hug men after meetings?
No.
Okay.
But question, are you still
with that boyfriend of yours?
Now see if I was a man, again,
would you ask that question
and after a business meeting?
I'm just saying.
Actually I would, because
I kinda thought he was cute.
What the hell?
Did you get your shoes yet?
Yep, after I get my
dress I'll be all good.
Well, except for my mani,
pedi, hair, make-up, wax.
Ugh, like I really hate men.
Ha, bruh.
One second, hello, oh, hey boss.
I'm not here.
Nothing, just
picking up my dress.
Tonight?
All women?
Boss.
No, that's just gonna
be really hard to do.
I'm ripping and
running getting stuff
for the wedding tomorrow.
Did you call Mark?
Yes, yes I know, I did say
I wanted to help promote.
You know what?
I may just have somebody.
Yep, okay, bye.
Hey.
What are you doing tonight?
Nope, not working, mm-mm.
You work like three
or four times a month.
I need to ask you for a favor.
A favor?
Look baby I'm from New
Orleans, you already know
what that mean, that
could mean anything.
I'm a need you to be
more pacific than that.
Okay, well before you
say no I just want...
What girl?
I need you to perform tonight?
Perform what?
I done already went from
stripper to waitress.
There is a progression,
I'm not going back,
I'm not going back.
Scooby, I know you
wrote some stuff down!
You know you good,
I know you good.
You the class clown
at the comedy club.
Perform perform,
that's what you mean,
like go up onstage?
Yes, we need to have
all women tonight.
We need to show
diversity to the sponsor.
Come on Scooby, please?
Come on.
I ain't never
been onstage before.
Perfect, girl, we feature
first timers every week.
That's why we're called
The Workout Room.
Mr. Clive is gonna
be in the audience.
Girl, don't play you
know mama like Mr. Clive.
And, you get two free
drinks for performing.
Now don't be laughing
'cause guess what?
If I go on that stage
and they don't laugh
I'm a bust somebody in they
damn head, I'm telling you.
'Cause I still fights, and
all my cousins like to fight.
I'm not playing
girl, I still fights.
I'm big but I still fights.
My 60-year-old Auntie
Betty still fights.
Ain't that cool?
So are you in?
I mean technically it is
my bachelorette party.
All right fine, yes,
yes, I'm in like Flynn.
I'm a get my cousin Doucey
to send out a text blast.
Yay!
That's great, okay great.
Okay, now go, go get out of here
and go do what you gotta do.
Ms. Nita.
Oh my goodness, what's wrong?
Girl nothing, I heard
you need help tonight
with females,
diversity, or something?
Yeah, do you know somebody?
Girl, hello, me!
Charlie, I mean
stand-up isn't easy.
I mean, do you think you can?
You can get 10% off your dress.
Are you serious?
15?
What time can you be there?
Bad
Uh
Huh
Ooh
Bad
I put the rest in my ride
And I just really
can't help it
Your main fling wanna slide,
no they really can't help it
This here is the
return of the mack
Damn.
She still ain't answer?
Nah man.
Y'all still smell
like Similac
And this is Juice
now, calling me.
That's your boy.
No, that's your boy.
That's your boy.
No, that's your boy.
Ooh
It's cold
Teejay, what's up man?
What's happening?
What, you follow
me, or something man?
No, man.
How you just gonna
pop in on me like that?
Man, I got this Find
Your Friend app on here.
Coolest app I done
seen in a long time.
What you ducking me or
something, what'd I do?
You always instigating stuff
and now it ain't helping
the situation, Juice.
I mean come on man, it's either
my daughter or my career.
Look man, I just talked to Nita.
I just called her.
Yeah, she told me.
Storytellers
As soon as he finish
cutting my hair dude
I'm a punch you dead in your
face 'cause I don't know
what kinda game you playing.
Come on thank you, man,
listen, listen to me.
I understand this whole
situation, all right.
And I can go to the
wedding, I can make sure
everything runs smoothly.
Right.
Now you gonna miss the
opportunity to be back stage,
schmoozing, getting
your hookups?
Please.
I mean it sound good,
but at the end of the day
I understand that you
gotta do what you gotta do.
And with you having to
do what you gotta do
I mean I'm not the best at
weddings or nothing like that,
but, I could
definitely go fill in.
Nita like my God
daughter, you know?
So, I mean, what else
you expect me to do?
What you mean by that?
What I'm saying is get
the chip off your shoulder.
If I gotta be there and you
gotta do what you gotta do
I'm pretty sure
she'll enjoy that too
and it won't ruin her day.
What would up do?
Nope, it ain't about me.
You not gonna base your
decisions off what I would do.
What I'm saying is if you
do what you need to do
let me do what I need
to do, because I'm crazy
but I ain't that crazy,
you know what I'm saying?
I'm Bennett, and I'm not in
it, you know what I'm saying?
My name is Wes, but I don't
mess with that type of mess.
My name is...
All right, dog!
You wanna cut his hair?
No, no, no, don't
let him cut my hair.
I'm a pull it out man.
I mean it's one
way or the other.
I got a plan though.
Juice, why you never
get your hair cut in here?
Honestly man, I cut my own hair.
No you don't.
I know your punk barber.
The community talks.
You right, look, I'm
a be honest with you,
if anybody else gonna
be honest with you
I don't get my haircut here
'cause every time Teejay in here
and he leave he look like he
need to go to a barber shop.
Excuse me?
Juicy man, get outta here man.
All right.
Man, your comedy is depressing.
It's funky.
All right.
Okay.
It's stanky.
All right.
Alrighty Teejay.
What's your plan?
I don't have a plan,
but the first one
is to get you a breath mint.
Ooh wee, I'm exhausted,
I've been ripping
and running all day.
Hey everybody, hey boss.
Hey.
Hey Jason.
Hey.
Xena, I'm a put this
in your office, okay?
No Nita,
I don't wanna be
responsible for your dress.
Why, I'm just gonna
hang it behind the door.
Two words, no insurance, and
I don't wanna be responsible.
Now look, I'm glad your here
because I was about to go home
and get changed right quick.
Ryan, can you put this
in her office please?
And why?
Why?
Because it's your
bachelorette party, innit?
I wanna get out of
these raggedy jeans.
So while I'm gone you in charge.
Jason's here, Kiki on her
way, you know the deal.
It looks like KB
got the bar set up.
You think KB set up this bar?
Look at him.
He is crazy.
Nah for real, he
did set up the bar.
You doingKB! good job.
He sure is better than that
other one you had in here.
What was his name?
Sergio.
Girl, I don't know.
I couldn't see him half the time
'cause he had all these
gold teeth in his mouth.
And then he used to wear
this big belt buckle,
big ol' belt buckle.
I hate men who wear
humongous belt buckles.
Don't nobody care that
you got a name brand on.
Girl, what's wrong with
these mens now and days?
Anybody come through here yet?
No.
Anybody call looking for me,
David, or anybody else maybe?
No, Nita, your
daddy didn't call.
Stop beating around the
bush, now what's the matter?
Come on, spit it out.
Nothing, nothing's wrong,
I'm just worried about him.
Why you worried about him?
He a grown man, he'll be aight.
No, I just really
want him to concentrate
on is show for tomorrow,
and not worry about me.
That's what I want.
It's gonna be all right,
but you right about that,
the show must go on.
In fact, speaking of which, I
already got a lineup done here
and everything's looking good
for the main show tomorrow, so.
Well, originally why
don't you do what you said
you were gonna do
about the show?
You know what?
I already know, I will tell him
to ride with me to the
reception after the after party.
Okay?
'Cause you know gonna get
turned up after the after party.
Hey
Thanks boss.
Anita, you know
I'm just playing,
you know I got you Nita.
KB, stop licking the
glasses, that's nasty boy!
God dang, come on.
Come on in guys.
Sorry sir, I'll not grant
your request to enter.
Man, my request?
Fat boy, what you talking 'bout?
Your attire does not match
the posted requirements.
Ain't no damn posted
requirements out here man.
Also, I got a buddy that
works at Tat2 Removers,
he might be able to get
that tattoo off for ya.
That's Tat the number
two, Removers with an S.
Look it up.
I'll tell you what,
bring this card in
with you for a discount.
Next please.
Man why you so angry?
Your wife didn't have sex with
you before you came to work?
Please turn around
and go take a long walk
off of a short dock.
You wanna them
educated negros, huh?
Ladies.
Went to junior
college, didn't you?
ICDT Tech brother, huh?
Won't you back off man?
Hey man, hey man, you
ain't got to touch me.
Well I did.
Hey, y'all saw that right,
somebody get their phone out.
Y'all see that, right?
Get your phones out.
That was only with one hand,
that's two hands right there.
Whoa!
Aye man, aye, aye man,
aye, aye, touch me again.
Aye, aye, aye, lawsuit, lawsuit!
Y'all saw that right,
lawsuit, lawsuit.
Who got they phone?
Who got they phone.
Ladies, come on.
Hey man, you broke my tail bone!
Sorry about that,
sorry about that,
that happens sometimes.
How y'all doing?
Come on in.
All right, all right, all
right, hey, how ya doing?
Hey everybody I'm so glad
you came out tonight,
my name is Xena Marie,
and we have an absolutely
wonderful lineup for you.
We had a great response
from the all female lineup
last time that we just
had to do it again.
You know what I'm saying?
'Cause it's all
about the ladies.
It's ladies night
Ah, they ruling the
house tonight y'all.
Hey I love Xena, but boy
she is a filthy liar, man.
Yeah, but she sure
look good though.
All right, now,
without further ado
I'd like to bring up the
fabulous and beautiful
Ms. Scooby!
Scooby?
Why Scooby get to go up?
All right DJ you can cut that.
How y'all doing?
Hey!
Come all the way out here
to LA from New Orleans,
Hurricane Katrina, y'all
already know how that go.
Soon as it's from New Orleans
they thinking about dirty water
and you can't
talk, and all that.
Ain't that cold?
But you looks good.
And I'm a tell ya what
you looks good mean,
'cause that don't mean
that you cute and all that.
That means opposite,
when I say you looks good
that mean you done
lost your mind.
So if your boss tell you
come in on your off day,
you done worked all these
hours you gonna tell her
you know what?
You looks good 'cause
I'm not coming to work.
I'm not coming to
work, I'm not coming.
But anyway once I got
out here it was all good.
I talk different but
y'all gotta accept me.
So I goes and try to
go get my car serviced,
you know it's
burning and all that.
And I go and I walk up
to the station I say,
I need a url change.
So the lady say,
you need a what?
I say I need a url change.
You know, a url change.
She be like, baby, ain't
nobody named Earl works here.
I said I need a url
change, you know the stuff
that goes in the car?
Hey man, she is
kinda good though, dog.
Went to go get
me some url sheen,
they didn't know what that
was at the beauty mart.
I'm like Lord, can't
go to this store 'cause
I don't know where the burled
at? Y'all know where eggs at?
The burled eggs, they
don't know what that is.
Where we from don't have that.
Shut up.
What y'all want me to do?
Hey Nita, been looking for you.
Hey daddy.
I been calling you, what's up?
Nothing, listen
I gotta make sure
this sponsor dude's
glass stays filled.
And I actually did booking
here tonight myself.
You did, oh really?
Okay, good for you.
Girl moving on up, huh?
So who you book?
This chick from the
dress shop and Scooby.
I gotta find me one of
them little young bucks
that got that little
newborn smell to 'em.
See they don't care how you
look, shaped, or nothing.
I come from a family
that filled with
a bunch of yield signs.
Y'all know what a
yield sign look like?
All the women in the family
is just build like yield signs
just big at the top come
all small at the bottom.
Like a little Tasmanian devil.
Look daddy, we
good, don't worry.
You sure?
Mm-hmm, everything is fine.
Just do the show,
everything's fine.
I just don't want you to hate me
for the rest of my life, okay?
Just do the show.
No, I think I can do both.
If I can get them
to put me up early.
Really, 'cause I
really don't know
what's going on with him.
Y'all think that's
why I be itching?
'Cause sometimes I really
do be itching y'all,
that's really not funny y'all.
See what I gotta do.
Let me get this girl off
stage, I'll talk to you later.
Okay.
All right y'all, my name's
Scooby, that's my time.
I'm from New Orleans, y'all.
Hey, hey, hey.
Yes, yes, give it up for Scooby!
Can y'all believe that that
was her first time onstage?
Scooby y beWhat? work it.
Now, we got some excellent
ladies coming up.
But I gotta give credit
where credit is due,
Ms. Nita, good job girl.
Man, Nita been out there
doing some scouting, okay.
But that's what we do
are you ready.
At The Workout Room.
I mean, I guess.
She's gonna call you up soon.
We bring you the best.
Ladies and gentlemen,
put your hands together
for Ms. Charlie!
With an I-E.
I'm so nervous, just.
Charlie, Charlie get.
I was just playing with y'all.
What I meant to say was put
your hands together for Tia!
Charlie get up, get up.
The sriracha thing is crazy.
They got it everywhere,
it's like on key chains,
popcorn, Pop Tarts,
whatever, you name it.
Oh my God, my girlfriend, she
brought a flask into the club
so I put my glass
under the table
to get some of that good, you
know what I'm talking about.
Trying to save some money, okay.
So, this mother, sorry, I
don't wanna be disrespectful,
the heifer, he squirted
sriracha in my drink.
What the hell, that's not
funny, I was mad as hell, okay?
It was good though, it was
a little spicy but shoot,
I wasn't gonna let
my drink go to waste.
Right?
Hey boss, I'm outta
here, big day tomorrow.
Hey girl, get on out of here,
you've already done
enough for the club.
You are the bomb.com.
You got coverage for
tomorrow, you gonna be okay?
Yeah, Kiki is gonna be
meeting me at the show,
and then my little niece Rachel,
she's gonna be covering it.
It's gonna be a lot of comedians
coming through tomorrow
so the place should
practically run itself.
Okay, I wish you were
gonna be there tomorrow,
but, take care of my dad, okay?
You got it.
Oh, and before I forget,
something borrowed
and old.
Thanks Xena, thanks
for everything.
Come on Nita.
Well, it's official,
I'm a nervous wreck.
As I lay in bed at night
My mind sometimes it finds
A way to fly
Okay, today's the big day.
Soaring through the stars
Ready to do this?
You bet.
It's like nothing
can't touch me
For the moment I'm free
Think I look good, feel good.
Done my hair, I got my
hair freshly twisted up,
feeling saucy.
All right, let's see, where
this so it can offset.
Yeah, hi, my name is Xena Marie
and I was expecting a
delivery an hour ago.
Yeah, well is he in route?
Today's your day little girl.
It's my little girl.
She always mattered.
It's like nothing
can touch me
For one moment I'm free
Tie this tie.
I'm free
I'm free to live
Come in.
Hey baby.
Hey daddy, come in.
Wow.
I'm free free
Look at you, come on my
baby don't need all that work
she is perfect.
Hey girl, so you mind
if me and my baby girl
have a couple words?
'Preciate that, thank you.
Oh, you look so nice.
I look nice, look at you.
Just like your mom.
Thank you daddy.
Hey, you better kill it tonight.
No matter what, you
better be funny.
Don't hold back.
Never that.
I know I gotta go,
look, 'cause you already
bossing me around,
I miss you already.
Do you really need
Mrs. Anita Blaker?
I can't believe I said that.
My baby girl is all grown up.
I love you daddy.
It's flying so high, yeah
I love you.
Go, get outta here, I
don't want you to be late!
Love you.
Love you too, daddy.
Turn me into love to fly
Okay, you're here, Teejay right?
Yeah, the one and only.
I'm Jerome, I'll be the go
to guy if you need anything.
Jerome?
I never met a Jewish
guy named Jerome.
Right.
I don't know what my
parents were thinking,
I can't even get a job.
So here's the run of
the show, is Xena here?
Have you seen her?
No, I mean she shoulda
been here by now.
You haven't heard her
as loud as she is?
Well, this may or may
not change, but for now
we have you going right
before intermission
and right after Nene Renee.
Wow, you know if Nene
wants to go after me
I can feature, you know
just go before for her.
That's above my pay grade.
Okay.
Where the drinks at?
Two doors down, help yourself.
How many flavors of
vodka are they gonna make?
I mean literally, this is crazy.
Back in my day it
was just vodka.
Now they got raspberry,
tutti-fruity, berry berry.
Oh hand me that berry berry,
that's what I'm talking 'bout
right there.
Yeah me too.
Pouting glasses.
Push it man.
Hit me off some.
See, y'all playing,
Bam, little shot.
Y'all playing Thank you brother.
'Cause this is what
I'm talking 'bout.
Yeah, got that brown liquor.
That's me.
That's where I live.
Well let me get you
where you live then.
Thank you baby.
Well, well, this is what I'm
talking about, a green room.
The legendary Ricky Harris.
What's up man?
We got the berry berry,
pass the berry berry.
I got you.
Teejay I've been looking all
over for you, where you been?
You looking for me, it's
my name Teejay on the door.
You looking for Teejay
my name on the door.
Yeah, okay, shut up.
Anyway, matter fact,
Jerome, the stage manager
is looking for you.
Oh yeah, okay.
Who's running the club?
My little niece, Rachel.
Yeah, I've been raising her
up before she could walk,
so anybody can handle
the bar, it's her.
New money, blue money
what we throw around
Yeah we underground
but we still get around
Ms. Rachel, can I get up?
Ms. Rachel, Ms.
Rachel, can I get up?
Can I go up tonight?
What?
Does my auntie usually
let you go up, KB?
Yeah, yep, all the time.
Okay.
I can go up?
Yeah, that's fine, whatever.
Thank you.
Hello, Kiki, okay,
you're not coming?
All right, cool, bye.
Hey, hey, Twinkle there you are.
I see you got a
full house there,
must be nice for them pockets.
Ah, come on, you
know it's a full house.
We done sold out all the seats.
I done sold the tickets.
That's all I can do,
if I get the walk ups,
about 19 more walk ups and
it's going and cracking,
who is that?
Listen, I want
you to meet Teejay.
Teejay, this is Twinkle.
Thanks for having
me, glad to be here.
Ah, T, what you doing with
a headlining suit on man?
You need to knock it off,
you the most popping
open act I know,
you ready for tonight?
Okay Xena, you already
know, you know I know
that you gone
through some changes.
Oh yeah it's nothing major,
just a little itty bitty change.
Come on, I know you Xee, just
tell me the changes you got.
I got you, just trust me.
Hey headliner, I mean
opening act, I mean Teejay,
I like you.
Do me a favor,
go get Johnny Jay.
Okay.
That's a nice suit you got on.
Nigga got a Eddie Murphy 48
Hours suit, it look nice.
You know what it is.
It's going down.
Hey Johnny Jay.
What?
Twinkle wants you to come to
the green room, this Teejay.
Get away from my door dog.
Think I'm gonna stop
hell no, hell no
All right. What
they said let's go
Let's go
Let's go
Let's go
Let's go Why
he say let's go
Let's go
Let's go
Let's go
What you say let's go
Johnny Jay say
start without her.
All right y'all, let's pray.
Let's pray.
Yeah.
- Let's pray.
- Get it in, come on.
And don't start acting like
you know God all personal,
act like you really mean it.
Father God, we wanna
thank you for this day
and waking everybody
up this morning,
and getting everybody
here safely, Lord.
Yes, Lord.
We wanna say thank you Lord,
and pray that you uplift us
and help us uplift each other.
And continuously bless
us Lord, and overlook us
through good times
and bad times.
Lastly Lord, we
wanna say heal Dexter
because he broke his leg
when he fell off the stage
trying to do a cartwheel
at the last show.
And we pray in Jesus
name, we say amen.
Amen.
Amen, amen.
Amen, it's about time.
Boy you act like you know Jesus.
Yeah, let's get this
thing started right.
Get this party started for real.
Oh, you got something special?
Yeah, let's get
this party started
'cause I'm the tonight.
I'm gonna kill
these boys tonight.
You know what I mean?
Tonight I'm gonna be
on that microphone
killing these boys.
So let's get one in.
Okay, okay.
Aright let's get one in.
Cheers gentlemen.
Woo.
I'm 'bout to hit a room
okay, I got to freshen up,
make a phone call.
Okay, I just got one
act before you go up, so.
Who?
It's somebody
you owe a favor to.
Come on Xena,
come on, what I look like,
one of these little
chopped liver comedians?
I'm doing big time and you
putting somebody in front of me?
I'm supposed to kick
it 'til intermission.
Go work on your set, make
your little funky phone call,
and stop looking so nervous.
You making me nervous!
I gotta make these changes.
Okay, well work
on that, I'm gone.
It go Pop tamale
I'm sweating
Woo
Pop tamale?
I don't understand how these
rappers make a million dollars
on pop tamale, that
don't even make sense.
Pop tamale, what
is a pop tamale?
I don't know how.
Man, it's pop the
molly, I'm sweating.
Pop the molly, that don't
even make sense either.
I don't know what that is.
I done listened to
the song 1,000 times
and I clearly heard them say
it's pop tamale I'm sweating,
and that's what it's gonna be.
My job, my family, my car,
look at me, look at this,
you think you got problems,
I'm half black, half
white, and I look Mexican.
I'm tired of going to
Home Depot and Lowes
and people are offering me jobs.
No sir, I will not paint
your whole house for $75.
You have
any idea how confusing it is
growing up half
black and half white?
I'm messed up for life, people.
I used to steal
and take it back.
Sad.
It's something about the
black side that's so honest.
Hey, young man, you
have to turn that off
the audience in the
front can see the light.
Your core ain't together,
you do have the option
to walk her to the back room,
and once you get back there
you make hot, passionate
love to her all night long.
Or for five minutes,
which ever come first.
That's my time everybody,
make sure you tweet me,
text me, call me, I'll
be at my mama's house.
Y'all be good, peace.
Teejay I just warmed
'em up for you bro.
They a tough crowd,
but they a good crowd.
They ugly as hell though,
but don't worry about it.
Break a leg man,
I gotta call moms.
Hey man.
Peace.
God.
Hey Jerome, can I go
back to my dressing room
and make a quick call?
No, no, no, no, no,
no, this next one's
known to get booed off
stage, we gotta have you
close by, sorry.
Listen, after your
set you can go and do
whatever you think is more
important than this show.
All right man.
Okay man, we're ready
for you, let's go.
Teejay we're gonna have
to move you around back
to the other side of the stage.
But I'm right here,
I mean you told me
to stand right here,
I'm ready to go, what's?
Hey man, I don't
argue with the bosses,
don't shoot the messenger.
All right, damn.
Man this some
behind scenes stuff,
I mean, as pretty as it seems.
Okay, so once we get to
the other side of the stage
that's it, the
show will move on.
Do you need anything out
of your dressing room,
or wanna make that call, pee?
Nah man, I'm just ready to
do my set and get outta here.
What time is it anyway?
Show time.
Let's do it.
Daddy!
Nita, baby, what?
How, what are you doing here?
They made it happen, they
both saw how distraught we were.
Juice didn't even tell
me 'til the last minute
that him and Xena had
pulled some strings.
Hey man, I got them
little funky $40 too.
Wow.
I'm speechless.
Well that's a first.
Love you baby.
I love you too, daddy.
What about the place?
Did we lose money?
Daddy, you know that
place was a hot mess,
plus a pipe broke
last Wednesday.
Anyways, so, it all worked out.
So, are you ready?
Are you ready to walk
me down the aisle?
All right Teejay, come
on, clock is ticking.
Love you baby.
This is absolutely the
best day of my life.
Mine too.
Let's do this.