The Wrecking Crew (1968) Movie Script
With $1 billion in gold shining at me,
I feel reckless.
I'll open... for a dime.
Well, for $1 billion in gold, I'm in.
Contact. All elements.
Operation Rainbow is entering Phase 1.
Execute.
Repeat. Execute.
This isn't a scheduled stop.
No sweat, men.
Relax, men. Everything's okay.
Red alert! ICE!
Ten seconds behind schedule.
Is that catastrophic?
Yes. I deplore sloppiness.
Nelson? MacDonald.
All sections from 6 through 18
are on emergency standby.
I'm picking up Matt Helm.
Phase 2: Intercept MacDonald. Repeat.
Phase 2. Intercept MacDonald.
Yes, Your Excellency. Go.
What if they can't?
If we can delay the American counterforce
by that much...
it will add precious minutes
to each phase of Operation Rainbow.
MacDonald, ICE.
Establish roadblocks to pick up black
sedan, two occupants, Maryland plates.
Matt.
Poor boy...
he's so tired.
Will you try his radio band?
I can't get through to him.
I can't reach him either, Mac.
Glad you dropped by.
I want you to meet some cute little...
Never mind.
I'm paying the girls double time.
You know what it costs...
- to double-time all of them?
- Yeah. Get in.
You do? Okay.
Mac. You gotta turn around.
Somebody left my phone off the hook.
Yeah. And I know who that somebody was.
Now shut up and listen.
$1 billion in American gold
en route to London...
was stolen from a train in Denmark.
It's panic time in every money market
in the world if the story breaks.
We can't send in a task force.
It's got to be a one-man job.
Let me guess who you got in mind.
Yes, Operation Rainbow
has entered Phase 3...
precisely on schedule.
You may notify our brokers
in Bombay, Ceylon, and Tokyo...
that the gold will not be... Repeat, not...
be delivered to London on Monday.
We've got one lead from Interpol.
That's where it's at.
Count Massimo Contini.
You name it, he probably owns it.
Oil, steel, railroads, munitions
in a dozen countries.
A multimillionaire, aiming at a multibillion.
I like his style.
Lola Medina.
The office of the President
of the United States.
Mr. MacDonald, because of our balance
of payment deficits...
the gold cannot be replaced.
It must be recovered.
Our best estimate is this:
From the time Mr. Helm
arrives in Copenhagen...
he will have 48 hours
to accomplish his mission.
- Is there anything else, Mr. President?
- No, that is all.
That's all, Mr. MacDonald.
Now, Lola Medina got her severance pay
several months ago.
He fired her?
But he had this waiting in the wings.
Four.
All of it, my dear.
I really like his style.
Linka Karensky.
And remember...
she's about as gentle as a barracuda.
It's highly volatile.
Disappears in 15 or 20 seconds.
Twenty seconds.
Hardly seems worth the trouble.
Anyone exposed to it
without these goggles...
- is blinded for at least a minute and a half.
- Enough time to do anything.
You'll use your standard cover:
freelance photographer.
This switch activates a smoke ejection unit.
Matt, we have one prayer.
The Danish Tourist Bureau
is trying to get you into Contini's chateau.
To take pretty pictures?
To find out whatever you can.
Hello.
Contini's our only lead, Matt.
Nelson, scramble your phone.
Any report from the Danish Tourist Bureau?
Negative, Mac.
Well, we can't wait any longer.
And your chance of finding Contini is nil.
But you're gonna make sure he finds me.
Nelson, break Matt's cover.
You've got to be trying to get rid of me.
Alert the network in Zone 3
that Matt's on his way to Denmark...
to recover that $1 billion in gold.
Just one thing. What if Contini's...
What if he ain't the guy?
Then whoever's got that gold
will be right on your tail.
We'll give you every protection we can.
This is your mini-copter.
It's very simple, Matt. Two universal joints...
three master lock screws,
and you're in business.
It goes in there,
and then into the trunk of your car.
Now, this just came over from research.
It blows up.
It's so new,
we don't even have a name for it yet.
Why don't we call it
"a little bit of hanky-panky"?
Mr. Helm has arrived.
Very good.
The information from Zone 3 was accurate.
Mr. Helm is at the airport.
Very well. Keep him under surveillance.
But do not kill him yet.
May I ask why Your Excellency's
being so generous?
Not generous, my dear. Cautious.
Your car is ready and your baggage
has been delivered to it.
How about the extra equipment?
In the trunk, as per your instructions.
- Thank you.
- And thank you, Mr. Helm.
- He's leaving now.
- Follow him.
Your Excellency, your call.
Operation Rainbow has entered Phase 4.
On schedule.
Stand by for my instructions
on Monday morning.
Congratulations are in order.
Congratulations are premature,
my dear Massimo.
The report from Zone 3 has been confirmed.
And Mr. Helm is on the scene. Thank you.
- So what do you intend to do?
- I haven't decided.
- At the moment, he's under surveillance.
- Massimo...
don't waste time. Kill him.
I never waste anything
or anyone, dear Linka.
But...
this breakdown in American security...
is far too convenient for my liking.
Our schedule has very little tolerance
for errors.
Errors are made by those
who blindly accept the obvious.
And I can't believe
that they would risk an agent...
of Mr. Helm's calibre quite so casually.
But I will find out. And then I will kill him.
Can I be of assistance?
He always gets that way
after a couple of martinis.
It's a pleasure to welcome you
to Copenhagen.
I'm so sorry. I twisted my ankle.
- I'd better have a look at it.
- No, it's all right, really.
- Thank you so much.
- It was my pleasure.
Boulevard Greig. Number 14. Tonight.
A very pleasant hotel here.
- Mr. Helm?
- Yes.
I'm Freya. Welcome to Denmark, Mr. Helm.
You always greet people like this?
I'm Freya Carlson,
your Tourist Bureau contact.
These are for you.
Street maps, places of interest.
This is for you, too.
- What year was that?
- 1949.
- It's a very good year.
- I'm here to help you in any way I can.
Well, it's very nice of you.
- Is there anything you'd like me to do?
- Yes. A couple of things.
Yes, sir.
Would you mind
getting off my camera case, please?
- I'm sorry.
- That's fine. That's okay.
What about the arrangements
at Contini's chateau?
That's in the works. I'm expecting a call
from the chateau at 11:00.
I'm sorry about...
Welcome to Denmark.
It's some kind of hotel you got here.
Half a bottle is better than none.
It's open. Come in.
Yep.
You're early, Mr. Helm.
I wasn't sure you'd come.
I was, Miss Lola Medina.
I underestimated you.
You know who I am.
I need your advice.
Advice?
Would you please change
the colour of the lights?
Turn down the colour of the lights?
- Turn the red one.
- The red one?
Mr. Helm, as a professional photographer...
which colour would be...
most appealing in this particular light?
That clashes with your eyes.
And I know your setup with Contini.
Would you turn on the blue light, please?
Blue light. Must be the second one.
Is this more interesting?
I also know you're off the team.
But I was on the team when
Operation Rainbow was being planned.
Would you put on the green light?
Operation Rainbow?
Operation Rainbow,
our code name for $1 billion...
What's your American word? Heist.
Heist?
- Would you change the light?
- Yes.
Yep.
I know what you're after...
and I like the way you're going about it.
- Thank you, Mr. Helm.
- It's all right.
Thank you.
I mean...
no, thanks. I mean, I don't use them.
Nobody's going to believe
this down at the office...
but I'm on a very tight schedule.
But I know where the gold is, Mr. Helm.
I'm not on that tight a schedule.
I love flexible men.
There's just two little words...
where it is...
how much?
I'm a gypsy, Mr. Helm.
My father was a gypsy.
And he taught us one thing:
Wise men enjoy pleasure...
before business.
I like your father's thinking.
I'm a wretched hostess, Mr. Helm.
I haven't offered you a thing.
I wouldn't say that.
What do you prefer?
To drink.
I've heard that you do...
drink.
Just call it a hobby. Scotch on the rocks.
I'm so sorry, I'm out of Scotch.
Can I give you something else?
Surprise me.
Mr. Helm...
for my cooperation, I want two things:
Massimo Contini destroyed...
and $1 million.
$1 million, huh?
You're in luck, Mr. Helm.
Get out of the car.
- Your hands in the air, please.
- Wait just a minute!
Your identification.
Wait just a minute.
I'm Freya Carlson
from the Danish Tourist Bureau.
For heaven's sake, put that silly gun away.
This is Matt Helm, one of America's
most distinguished photographers.
- That may be true, but...
- No news from the chateau yet.
Have you had your dinner?
Look, Miss Carlson, we've just received
reports of an explosion...
and a homicide in this building...
that your Mr. Helm was leaving so hastily.
I would say leaving the area
of an explosion hastily...
is an extremely sensible reaction.
- It must have been horrifying...
- Will you shut up?
- Come along, sir.
- I'm only trying to help.
Don't do me a...
You'll help me right into death row.
Why don't you split.
Go call the American Embassy.
- I'm not running out on you.
- Please, do me a... Run out. Desert!
Why, Mr. Helm, what a pleasant surprise!
- I hope so.
- What is all this?
Excellency, we're checking
an explosion and a homicide...
Then I suggest that you get on with it.
I'll vouch for Mr. Helm.
Yes, Excellency.
Mr. Helm, I am Count Massimo Contini.
I know you by your reputation, of course.
Count Contini, I've been trying
to get in touch with you for days.
We wanted permission to photograph
your chateau.
That would be my pleasure.
Shall we say 10:00 tomorrow morning?
Yes, fine. 10:00.
Who we? What's "we"?
Us. You and me.
My orders from the Tourist Bureau
are to work directly under you.
Directly under?
The first order is to get out of here.
Yes, sir.
Yes, ma'am.
Mr. Helm. I think we're stuck.
- We're what?
- We're stuck.
- We're stuck?
- Yeah.
- Good.
- Is that all you've got to say?
Oh, dear! I just ruined
a perfectly good pair of stockings.
Poor Lola made the headlines.
It was a rather noisy exit.
Arranged by you?
But of course.
She met with Mr. Helm
for only one reason: to betray you.
So I simply stopped by her place
and dropped off a gift bottle of scotch.
With that inevitable kick in it.
But you disobeyed my orders,
you risked the life of Mr. Helm.
Darling, we discussed all that last night.
It seemed to me that you forgave me. No?
Last night I was in a forgiving mood.
This morning I'm thinking realistically
of $1 billion in gold...
and Mr. Helm...
whose character we will now test.
Mr. Helm, His Excellency will see you now.
This way, please.
Miss Carlson. Mr. Helm.
You are prompt.
We couldn't wait to get started,
Your Excellency.
We?
I'll take notes
while Mr. Helm takes the pictures.
I'll take her anytime.
Miss Carlson, Mr. Helm,
my fiance, Miss Linka Karensky.
Miss Karensky, they told me...
Linka. Please call me Linka, Mr. Helm.
Make mine Matt, okay?
They told me the Count had great taste.
- Who told you that?
- I did.
Mr. Helm, we came here to work, remember?
Yes. Perhaps you'd like to start
in the conservatory.
Come along, my dear.
The view is simply breathtaking.
It sure is.
Was it something I said?
In our civilised business,
this is the traditional time...
to offer you a cigarette
or some liquid refreshment perhaps.
But since we are professional people,
on limiting time schedules...
I suggest that we dispense
with such amenities.
No, let's not dispense with
any of those things.
But, of course, you're right. Karl...
There's so little time for grace...
and civility in this vulgar world of ours.
I said it once and I'll say it again,
I like your style.
Actually, I would have preferred
to live in a different century.
Florence in the 13th, or Germany in the 18th.
Wouldn't you, Mr. Helm?
It'd be all wrong, I'd be dead by now.
Which brings me precisely to the point.
You see, I know who you are, Mr. Helm.
An agent of ICE.
And I know why you came to Denmark.
To recover $1 billion in American gold.
Somebody's putting you on, Count.
Please, Mr. Helm, stupidity has
a tendency to make me impatient.
However...
luckily, I dislike unnecessary violence...
which may lead to unnecessary publicity.
Therefore, you are going to South America...
on the next available flight.
With $1 million in cash.
I'd hate myself in the morning.
- $2 million?
- I'd hate myself twice in the morning.
I'd lose my sense of values.
You are interfering with plans as delicately
balanced as a Swiss chronometer.
Therefore I must kill you.
You remember what you said
about being stupid?
You think I walked in here
without knowing I could walk out?
Now, the Danish Tourist Bureau,
they know where I am.
And they know
the minute I'm expected back.
If I don't show up, you're going to be
up to your hips in cops.
Freya...
tell him the Tourist Bureau,
they know where I am, right?
- Oh, no, Mr. Helm.
- No, Mr. Helm?
No, our clients have complete privacy.
No one knows who you are.
Hold it! Smile!
They didn't smile.
You'll be all right. Yes.
All right, get over there.
Come on!
What makes you think she can swim?
- That's the only way to find out. Right?
- Yeah, right.
Get him!
Why are they bumping us, Mr. Helm?
They're coming, Mr. Helm!
Don't push me down. I can't see.
They're trying to kill us, Mr. Helm.
Drive faster.
Faster! You're an awful driver.
Hang onto your miniskirt.
At the tram, the road dead-ends.
Bring it down. Now!
It's occupied.
Please, just a minute.
For heaven's sake. Oh, no!
Get to the car.
You did? You'd better.
Each phase of the operation
has been advanced eight hours.
You will have the pleasure
of killing Mr. Helm.
Thank you very much, Your Excellency.
All right.
Get out and remember, we'll call you. Out!
Mr. Helm? Yu-Rang.
No, I didn't.
But since you're here,
why don't you sit down?
No, my name is Yu-Rang.
Your name is Yu-Rang? That's good.
Lie down. I want to talk to you.
About a certain $1 billion in gold?
Half a billion, Mr. Helm.
I'm thinking of a partnership.
So am I.
Shall we...
come to the point?
Maybe you're in too big a hurry.
Now that we're partners...
why don't you just relax, Miss Yu-Rang?
Let's not be formal, Matt.
My first name is Wen.
Wen? Wen Yu-Rang.
I say the answer's hello.
Now where did you say
my half a billion in gold was?
In the same place my half a billion is.
Pardon me, Mr. Helm.
She's here.
No. Yes, she's here.
She's got a knife in her hand.
I know she's got a knife in her hands.
And I said I'd call you.
But it's very important.
Pardon me?
We're having a party, no?
Here.
They told me you were a unique...
experience, Mr. Helm. Matt.
Incredibly formidable, exciting.
Now I shall never find out.
Mr. Helm, Mr. MacDonald has been calling
and he's on his way here.
Isn't that an adorable mink, Mr. Helm?
I don't know what you've got,
but you sure got bad timing.
Yes? Linka?
A lodge? I'd love to.
Aren't you going to wait for Mr. MacDonald?
He cabled the Bureau he'd be in tonight.
- Want to do me a favour?
- Yes, sir.
Go play in the freeway.
Without a car.
- J.B., please.
- J.B.
Yes.
Establish an observation post
at Contini's chateau.
- It'll be functional at 0800 hours.
- Right.
Mr. MacDonald,
can you give us any assurance...
that Matt Helm will complete
his mission on time?
I regret to say that I can't, Mr. Ambassador.
You see, Matt's been out of contact
for the past 26 hours.
Gentlemen, unless we get that gold
on Monday...
by noon the pound will be worthless.
In that event, how long could
the American dollar survive?
- Can't we send in a task force?
- No, sir.
We just can't risk a newsbreak.
However, I've notified Matt
that I'm on my way to Copenhagen.
I'll report to you by 0100.
Gentlemen.
I told you I'd love to come.
- Of course, but you startled me.
- You weren't expecting me?
But I'm delighted you're here.
As a matter of fact, I could use a little help.
Would you, please?
Which way, up or down?
There's always a choice, Mr. Helm,
isn't there?
Thank you.
I thought you wanted to talk.
Can't that wait? I always...
prefer pleasure before business.
I bet your father was a wise old gypsy.
- Because I'm going barefoot?
- Just a thought.
But I like your thinking. Pleasure first.
Without interruptions.
- Were you expecting someone?
- Yes.
That nice friendly character in your car.
But don't you worry about him.
He's taking a nice long nap.
That was stupid. Karl is no threat to you.
And neither am I.
So this is the place I was
going to get shot in the back.
Kind of a stylish pad to take off from.
I forgot to tell you...
I took the gun.
Well, of course Contini sent me here
to kill you.
But you see, on the way over here,
I changed my mind and I decided not to.
After I decked that friendly chap and
after I took the hardware, then you decided?
Mr. Helm.
Come here.
You want me to lie down
so you can talk to me?
Okay.
- About a partnership.
- A full partnership?
Name on a rug, door, floor?
The full treatment.
The train has stopped for Contini and me...
and I'm getting off.
To wait for me?
Why?
Because I was told...
you were well worth waiting for.
Gossip. Just gossip.
- Don't you believe me?
- No.
Look under the pillow at your left-hand side.
You see, my friendly chauffeur
and the other gun...
were just decoys.
And that is the gun
I was supposed to kill you with.
I'm even taking off my bracelet
because I don't want you to get scratched.
- Now do you believe me?
- I'd better.
You got a deal. Now, where is the gold?
It's being moved right now.
They won't believe this at the office either,
but here's a straight question: Where to?
I really don't know.
And I won't know for hours.
So you see, we've all the time in the world.
That's a horn. That's not a horn.
You didn't... That wasn't...
Tell me you didn't hear a horn.
You heard a horn?
She's here.
You got a deal, partner. Now, you call me.
- There's activity, but nothing conclusive.
- Maintain surveillance.
Right.
Each phase of our operation has been
advanced 10 hours. Repeat, 10 hours.
Shipments will be delivered
according to my prearranged schedules.
But our tolerances have been
drastically reduced. MacDonald is here.
Which means that ICE has established
Red Alert Plus One.
You tried and failed.
I won't tonight.
Words. I can't afford the luxury of words.
There's been a serious breakdown
in security.
The chateau has been under surveillance
for seven hours. Deplorable!
When the estate is re-secured...
and quadrants checked,
you will make a phone call to Mr. Helm...
and you will arrange to meet him
at the usual rendezvous.
Hold it.
Well, Matt.
- Mr. MacDonald!
- Freya!
For Pete's sake, Freya!
Let me look...
Freya, how long has it been?
Prague or maybe it was the Jefferson affair...
Don't tell me
that you know little Miss Foul-up here?
Just one minute.
I was told to work directly under you...
and you refused to cooperate.
Say that again, I'm going to teach you
to watch your language.
Matt, I told you we'd give you
all the protection we could.
She's my protection?
- She is with British Intelligence.
- I get it. You're trying to get rid of me.
And an extremely efficient one, too.
As a matter of fact, I've established an
observation post above Contini's chateau.
- What did you find out?
- Nothing at all.
- The agent was killed.
- That figures.
And, in addition, I was extremely efficient
at the tramway with Yu-Rang, remember?
That was in the ladies' room.
Wait a minute. Yu-Rang is here?
That's trouble in spades.
She's Contini's top agent in Hong Kong.
Matt, what inning is it?
I think it's the ninth inning and
you're right on target. Contini is our guy.
The United States is holding
a 5% finder's fee...
for that gold, and no questions asked.
$50 million?
I'm supposed to meet Linka tonight...
and they've set me up for a hit.
But I'm gonna shock her
out of her miniskirt.
Would you answer that, please?
No, over there.
And if it's little Linka...
stall. You know what that means, stall.
Mr. Helm's suite.
No, he isn't at the moment.
May I take a message?
Thank you.
It was your little Linka.
They really think I'm buying.
If only I knew where Yu-Rang lived...
I would have had a cosy little chat with her.
It just so happens that I know
where Yu-Rang hangs her kimono.
I bet you do. 10-to-1, you don't.
Bet.
You just remember that this happens
to be my home cricket pitch.
Well, stop pitching your cricket and give.
The House of 7 Joys.
Number 5, Viking Street. 10-to-1?
Matt, hold it.
Now, be sensible. Use your head
for something beside a target.
- You're walking into a firing squad.
- I'm glad you're worried about me...
but I'm going to be sensible.
I'm using my head.
I'm not meeting Linka tonight.
You're picking her up.
Hello.
Hello, partner.
We have a golden opportunity, partner.
So why don't you meet me as soon
as possible at the House of 7 Joys.
Viking Street.
It's honest time now.
The House of 7 Joys?
That's Yu-Rang's pad.
We'll meet in the open.
Tivoli Gardens.
West Gate.
And one more thing, sweetheart.
I know where the gold is,
so that makes me the senior partner.
I believe he does know.
He may...
and he may not.
But I can't afford to speculate.
Permit me, Mr. Helm.
May I, Mr. Helm?
Thank you.
This way, please.
May I call you "partner"?
It was thoughtful of you
to call me, Mr. Helm...
with such an attractive proposal.
Don't knock it, honey.
The finder's fee is $50 million.
No questions, no strings.
His Excellency would have questions.
Who's he going to ask?
Other guys wearing stripes?
What's to prevent me taking
the whole bowl of rice? The billion?
Well, in the first place,
you don't have Contini's contacts...
and you're too little for that much loot.
And your share?
I'm an agent of ICE.
I don't get one yen.
You're doing this only for duty?
Well, you're a generous person.
I figure, later on, Christmas time,
you might send me a card or something.
Forgive me, Yu-Rang.
There's a call from your headquarters
in Bombay.
Excuse me. Oh, no.
Mr. Helm...
betraying Massimo Contini
is both dangerous and unprofitable.
You've caused me
a great deal of inconvenience.
Well, you have to admit
it's been a two-way street.
Were you tempted by his offer, my dear?
Of course not, Your Excellency.
That offer, Mr. Helm,
removed my last nagging doubt.
You don't know where the gold is...
otherwise you would not have attempted
to corrupt my loyal servant, Yu-Rang.
We know where it is.
And that offer was plain common sense.
We want to avoid publicity and also we want
to avoid killing a couple of dozen people.
No.
Now I can proceed precisely on schedule.
Well, you've forgotten something.
I'm here. You're here.
Yu-Rang and her friendly apes are here.
But where...
is MacDonald?
I would like to play poker
with you, Mr. Helm...
because you lie so unconvincingly.
Just in the nick of time.
I was terribly disappointed
that you couldn't keep our rendezvous.
But Mr. MacDonald proved to be very...
cooperative, shall we say?
That's Mac, all right. Anything to help.
But one thing, we gotta get going.
Well, if it isn't Miss Carlson.
My dear, you must be terribly
dedicated to your work...
to wear an atrocious wig like that.
How very common of you to mention it.
Your question, I believe,
was, "Where is Mr. MacDonald?"
You sure are something, Count.
But I gotta tell you,
I'm holding aces, back-to-back.
Your call, Mr. Helm.
Operation Rainbow.
Go on.
Lola Medina.
The wild gypsy with the wise old pappy,
and the noisy bottles.
She was your fun and games while
Operation Rainbow was being planned.
And you want to know something
about gypsies?
They love to drink and they love to talk.
I'm sorry you said that, Mr. Helm.
Because it brings our pleasant little chat
to an end.
Hold on, Mac.
The tracks have been cleared
to Luxembourg.
Proceed to Phase 8 immediately.
Be so good as to execute
Messieurs Helm and MacDonald.
And don't forget Miss Carlson.
Raise the inside cylinder.
Remove the glass wall.
And get ready.
How very unfortunate.
Get our pal to a hospital.
Never mind me. Just stop Contini.
That could have been you.
Never.
- Hurry it up.
- Yes, Your Excellency.
- Don't just stand there.
- Yes, Your Excellency.
The shipment will be en route
to Luxembourg at H-hour minus 10.
Intercept Matt Helm.
He's travelling towards the chateau,
south by southwest.
Yes, Your Excellency.
Turn around.
Turn left at the intersection.
I know a shortcut.
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure. Turn left.
Must be the wig.
I beg your pardon?
Well, I mean you...
At the House of 7 Joys,
you didn't do one thing wrong.
Turn right, right here.
Somebody put a river here.
I'll see if it's too deep to cross.
It's fine.
It's too deep.
Too deep?
Look, I want to ask you a question.
Whose side are you on?
Well, I'm an agent.
And I also happen to be a good one.
And I'm also a woman.
It was the wig.
Get rid of it! Throw it!
Not at me!
Ching! To the river!
I want to talk to you.
I want to talk to you, too,
after the job's finished.
Mr. Helm, I'm afraid the car is broken.
- The car's broken?
- Yes.
My hat! My hat's okay.
Hey, come here.
- Your hat's not broken?
- No.
Your head's broken. Grab a hold.
That's right.
You through?
You are on their side.
I am not.
Up you go.
Mr. Helm, I think you should know
that I'm a bit of a coward about flying.
Good.
Mr. Helm! Look!
Contini's.
Band 05, come in.
Are you reading me, Matt?
Time's running out, Mr. MacDonald...
for the British pound,
the American dollar, the free world.
- I can send in a division of troops.
- No.
Until I contact Matt, we can't make a move.
Get on with it, Frankie. Move it nearer.
Yes, Your Excellency.
Matt Helm.
They will take care of Mr. Helm's
terminal liquidation. Come on.
If they happen to fail,
you will execute Plan 2.
Yes, Your Excellency.
Unfortunately, I can't stay to savour
Mr. Helm's final departure.
But Luxembourg, I shall expect you to dine.
He's landing behind the chateau.
Let's go!
From the window there!
Goodbye.
Our business must remain unfinished.
I'm sorry, Matt.
Oh, dear.
Just a minute.
I'm not through with you yet.
I could indulge myself
by killing you, Mr. Helm.
But I will leave that small chore
to your colleague, Miss Carlson.
Oh, no.
I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?
Of course you hurt me.
- Okay, let's...
- No, come with me. I know a better way.
Are you sure it's not occupied?
Isn't this fun?
Well, isn't it?
Isn't this wonderful?
I just can't wait.
You can't wait?
You know, like you say,
to have our little talk.
Mr. Helm, there it is! There!
Isn't this exciting?
Are you comfortable, my dear?
Yes, very comfortable, thank you.
Mr. Helm!
I lost my hat.
Mr. Helm! I'm slipping!
I'm slipping!
Is my hair a mess?
What?
Is my hair a mess?
- You wanna know the truth?
- Yeah.
You're a mess!
- Mr. MacDonald...
- Hold it.
I'm getting through to him. Matt?
Matt, where the hell are you?
I'm in Contini's diesel.
And what's left of him is...
up the track about 30 miles
from his chateau.
Yeah, I got the gold.
And I got a couple of questions.
Where do I take it
and how do you stop this thing?
Don't stop.
We're rerouting you to Copenhagen
on automatic signals.
We'll take over from there. And, Matt...
don't let one damn thing go wrong.
Nothing will go wrong.
Do you think we can have our...
little talk now?
I feel reckless.
I'll open... for a dime.
Well, for $1 billion in gold, I'm in.
Contact. All elements.
Operation Rainbow is entering Phase 1.
Execute.
Repeat. Execute.
This isn't a scheduled stop.
No sweat, men.
Relax, men. Everything's okay.
Red alert! ICE!
Ten seconds behind schedule.
Is that catastrophic?
Yes. I deplore sloppiness.
Nelson? MacDonald.
All sections from 6 through 18
are on emergency standby.
I'm picking up Matt Helm.
Phase 2: Intercept MacDonald. Repeat.
Phase 2. Intercept MacDonald.
Yes, Your Excellency. Go.
What if they can't?
If we can delay the American counterforce
by that much...
it will add precious minutes
to each phase of Operation Rainbow.
MacDonald, ICE.
Establish roadblocks to pick up black
sedan, two occupants, Maryland plates.
Matt.
Poor boy...
he's so tired.
Will you try his radio band?
I can't get through to him.
I can't reach him either, Mac.
Glad you dropped by.
I want you to meet some cute little...
Never mind.
I'm paying the girls double time.
You know what it costs...
- to double-time all of them?
- Yeah. Get in.
You do? Okay.
Mac. You gotta turn around.
Somebody left my phone off the hook.
Yeah. And I know who that somebody was.
Now shut up and listen.
$1 billion in American gold
en route to London...
was stolen from a train in Denmark.
It's panic time in every money market
in the world if the story breaks.
We can't send in a task force.
It's got to be a one-man job.
Let me guess who you got in mind.
Yes, Operation Rainbow
has entered Phase 3...
precisely on schedule.
You may notify our brokers
in Bombay, Ceylon, and Tokyo...
that the gold will not be... Repeat, not...
be delivered to London on Monday.
We've got one lead from Interpol.
That's where it's at.
Count Massimo Contini.
You name it, he probably owns it.
Oil, steel, railroads, munitions
in a dozen countries.
A multimillionaire, aiming at a multibillion.
I like his style.
Lola Medina.
The office of the President
of the United States.
Mr. MacDonald, because of our balance
of payment deficits...
the gold cannot be replaced.
It must be recovered.
Our best estimate is this:
From the time Mr. Helm
arrives in Copenhagen...
he will have 48 hours
to accomplish his mission.
- Is there anything else, Mr. President?
- No, that is all.
That's all, Mr. MacDonald.
Now, Lola Medina got her severance pay
several months ago.
He fired her?
But he had this waiting in the wings.
Four.
All of it, my dear.
I really like his style.
Linka Karensky.
And remember...
she's about as gentle as a barracuda.
It's highly volatile.
Disappears in 15 or 20 seconds.
Twenty seconds.
Hardly seems worth the trouble.
Anyone exposed to it
without these goggles...
- is blinded for at least a minute and a half.
- Enough time to do anything.
You'll use your standard cover:
freelance photographer.
This switch activates a smoke ejection unit.
Matt, we have one prayer.
The Danish Tourist Bureau
is trying to get you into Contini's chateau.
To take pretty pictures?
To find out whatever you can.
Hello.
Contini's our only lead, Matt.
Nelson, scramble your phone.
Any report from the Danish Tourist Bureau?
Negative, Mac.
Well, we can't wait any longer.
And your chance of finding Contini is nil.
But you're gonna make sure he finds me.
Nelson, break Matt's cover.
You've got to be trying to get rid of me.
Alert the network in Zone 3
that Matt's on his way to Denmark...
to recover that $1 billion in gold.
Just one thing. What if Contini's...
What if he ain't the guy?
Then whoever's got that gold
will be right on your tail.
We'll give you every protection we can.
This is your mini-copter.
It's very simple, Matt. Two universal joints...
three master lock screws,
and you're in business.
It goes in there,
and then into the trunk of your car.
Now, this just came over from research.
It blows up.
It's so new,
we don't even have a name for it yet.
Why don't we call it
"a little bit of hanky-panky"?
Mr. Helm has arrived.
Very good.
The information from Zone 3 was accurate.
Mr. Helm is at the airport.
Very well. Keep him under surveillance.
But do not kill him yet.
May I ask why Your Excellency's
being so generous?
Not generous, my dear. Cautious.
Your car is ready and your baggage
has been delivered to it.
How about the extra equipment?
In the trunk, as per your instructions.
- Thank you.
- And thank you, Mr. Helm.
- He's leaving now.
- Follow him.
Your Excellency, your call.
Operation Rainbow has entered Phase 4.
On schedule.
Stand by for my instructions
on Monday morning.
Congratulations are in order.
Congratulations are premature,
my dear Massimo.
The report from Zone 3 has been confirmed.
And Mr. Helm is on the scene. Thank you.
- So what do you intend to do?
- I haven't decided.
- At the moment, he's under surveillance.
- Massimo...
don't waste time. Kill him.
I never waste anything
or anyone, dear Linka.
But...
this breakdown in American security...
is far too convenient for my liking.
Our schedule has very little tolerance
for errors.
Errors are made by those
who blindly accept the obvious.
And I can't believe
that they would risk an agent...
of Mr. Helm's calibre quite so casually.
But I will find out. And then I will kill him.
Can I be of assistance?
He always gets that way
after a couple of martinis.
It's a pleasure to welcome you
to Copenhagen.
I'm so sorry. I twisted my ankle.
- I'd better have a look at it.
- No, it's all right, really.
- Thank you so much.
- It was my pleasure.
Boulevard Greig. Number 14. Tonight.
A very pleasant hotel here.
- Mr. Helm?
- Yes.
I'm Freya. Welcome to Denmark, Mr. Helm.
You always greet people like this?
I'm Freya Carlson,
your Tourist Bureau contact.
These are for you.
Street maps, places of interest.
This is for you, too.
- What year was that?
- 1949.
- It's a very good year.
- I'm here to help you in any way I can.
Well, it's very nice of you.
- Is there anything you'd like me to do?
- Yes. A couple of things.
Yes, sir.
Would you mind
getting off my camera case, please?
- I'm sorry.
- That's fine. That's okay.
What about the arrangements
at Contini's chateau?
That's in the works. I'm expecting a call
from the chateau at 11:00.
I'm sorry about...
Welcome to Denmark.
It's some kind of hotel you got here.
Half a bottle is better than none.
It's open. Come in.
Yep.
You're early, Mr. Helm.
I wasn't sure you'd come.
I was, Miss Lola Medina.
I underestimated you.
You know who I am.
I need your advice.
Advice?
Would you please change
the colour of the lights?
Turn down the colour of the lights?
- Turn the red one.
- The red one?
Mr. Helm, as a professional photographer...
which colour would be...
most appealing in this particular light?
That clashes with your eyes.
And I know your setup with Contini.
Would you turn on the blue light, please?
Blue light. Must be the second one.
Is this more interesting?
I also know you're off the team.
But I was on the team when
Operation Rainbow was being planned.
Would you put on the green light?
Operation Rainbow?
Operation Rainbow,
our code name for $1 billion...
What's your American word? Heist.
Heist?
- Would you change the light?
- Yes.
Yep.
I know what you're after...
and I like the way you're going about it.
- Thank you, Mr. Helm.
- It's all right.
Thank you.
I mean...
no, thanks. I mean, I don't use them.
Nobody's going to believe
this down at the office...
but I'm on a very tight schedule.
But I know where the gold is, Mr. Helm.
I'm not on that tight a schedule.
I love flexible men.
There's just two little words...
where it is...
how much?
I'm a gypsy, Mr. Helm.
My father was a gypsy.
And he taught us one thing:
Wise men enjoy pleasure...
before business.
I like your father's thinking.
I'm a wretched hostess, Mr. Helm.
I haven't offered you a thing.
I wouldn't say that.
What do you prefer?
To drink.
I've heard that you do...
drink.
Just call it a hobby. Scotch on the rocks.
I'm so sorry, I'm out of Scotch.
Can I give you something else?
Surprise me.
Mr. Helm...
for my cooperation, I want two things:
Massimo Contini destroyed...
and $1 million.
$1 million, huh?
You're in luck, Mr. Helm.
Get out of the car.
- Your hands in the air, please.
- Wait just a minute!
Your identification.
Wait just a minute.
I'm Freya Carlson
from the Danish Tourist Bureau.
For heaven's sake, put that silly gun away.
This is Matt Helm, one of America's
most distinguished photographers.
- That may be true, but...
- No news from the chateau yet.
Have you had your dinner?
Look, Miss Carlson, we've just received
reports of an explosion...
and a homicide in this building...
that your Mr. Helm was leaving so hastily.
I would say leaving the area
of an explosion hastily...
is an extremely sensible reaction.
- It must have been horrifying...
- Will you shut up?
- Come along, sir.
- I'm only trying to help.
Don't do me a...
You'll help me right into death row.
Why don't you split.
Go call the American Embassy.
- I'm not running out on you.
- Please, do me a... Run out. Desert!
Why, Mr. Helm, what a pleasant surprise!
- I hope so.
- What is all this?
Excellency, we're checking
an explosion and a homicide...
Then I suggest that you get on with it.
I'll vouch for Mr. Helm.
Yes, Excellency.
Mr. Helm, I am Count Massimo Contini.
I know you by your reputation, of course.
Count Contini, I've been trying
to get in touch with you for days.
We wanted permission to photograph
your chateau.
That would be my pleasure.
Shall we say 10:00 tomorrow morning?
Yes, fine. 10:00.
Who we? What's "we"?
Us. You and me.
My orders from the Tourist Bureau
are to work directly under you.
Directly under?
The first order is to get out of here.
Yes, sir.
Yes, ma'am.
Mr. Helm. I think we're stuck.
- We're what?
- We're stuck.
- We're stuck?
- Yeah.
- Good.
- Is that all you've got to say?
Oh, dear! I just ruined
a perfectly good pair of stockings.
Poor Lola made the headlines.
It was a rather noisy exit.
Arranged by you?
But of course.
She met with Mr. Helm
for only one reason: to betray you.
So I simply stopped by her place
and dropped off a gift bottle of scotch.
With that inevitable kick in it.
But you disobeyed my orders,
you risked the life of Mr. Helm.
Darling, we discussed all that last night.
It seemed to me that you forgave me. No?
Last night I was in a forgiving mood.
This morning I'm thinking realistically
of $1 billion in gold...
and Mr. Helm...
whose character we will now test.
Mr. Helm, His Excellency will see you now.
This way, please.
Miss Carlson. Mr. Helm.
You are prompt.
We couldn't wait to get started,
Your Excellency.
We?
I'll take notes
while Mr. Helm takes the pictures.
I'll take her anytime.
Miss Carlson, Mr. Helm,
my fiance, Miss Linka Karensky.
Miss Karensky, they told me...
Linka. Please call me Linka, Mr. Helm.
Make mine Matt, okay?
They told me the Count had great taste.
- Who told you that?
- I did.
Mr. Helm, we came here to work, remember?
Yes. Perhaps you'd like to start
in the conservatory.
Come along, my dear.
The view is simply breathtaking.
It sure is.
Was it something I said?
In our civilised business,
this is the traditional time...
to offer you a cigarette
or some liquid refreshment perhaps.
But since we are professional people,
on limiting time schedules...
I suggest that we dispense
with such amenities.
No, let's not dispense with
any of those things.
But, of course, you're right. Karl...
There's so little time for grace...
and civility in this vulgar world of ours.
I said it once and I'll say it again,
I like your style.
Actually, I would have preferred
to live in a different century.
Florence in the 13th, or Germany in the 18th.
Wouldn't you, Mr. Helm?
It'd be all wrong, I'd be dead by now.
Which brings me precisely to the point.
You see, I know who you are, Mr. Helm.
An agent of ICE.
And I know why you came to Denmark.
To recover $1 billion in American gold.
Somebody's putting you on, Count.
Please, Mr. Helm, stupidity has
a tendency to make me impatient.
However...
luckily, I dislike unnecessary violence...
which may lead to unnecessary publicity.
Therefore, you are going to South America...
on the next available flight.
With $1 million in cash.
I'd hate myself in the morning.
- $2 million?
- I'd hate myself twice in the morning.
I'd lose my sense of values.
You are interfering with plans as delicately
balanced as a Swiss chronometer.
Therefore I must kill you.
You remember what you said
about being stupid?
You think I walked in here
without knowing I could walk out?
Now, the Danish Tourist Bureau,
they know where I am.
And they know
the minute I'm expected back.
If I don't show up, you're going to be
up to your hips in cops.
Freya...
tell him the Tourist Bureau,
they know where I am, right?
- Oh, no, Mr. Helm.
- No, Mr. Helm?
No, our clients have complete privacy.
No one knows who you are.
Hold it! Smile!
They didn't smile.
You'll be all right. Yes.
All right, get over there.
Come on!
What makes you think she can swim?
- That's the only way to find out. Right?
- Yeah, right.
Get him!
Why are they bumping us, Mr. Helm?
They're coming, Mr. Helm!
Don't push me down. I can't see.
They're trying to kill us, Mr. Helm.
Drive faster.
Faster! You're an awful driver.
Hang onto your miniskirt.
At the tram, the road dead-ends.
Bring it down. Now!
It's occupied.
Please, just a minute.
For heaven's sake. Oh, no!
Get to the car.
You did? You'd better.
Each phase of the operation
has been advanced eight hours.
You will have the pleasure
of killing Mr. Helm.
Thank you very much, Your Excellency.
All right.
Get out and remember, we'll call you. Out!
Mr. Helm? Yu-Rang.
No, I didn't.
But since you're here,
why don't you sit down?
No, my name is Yu-Rang.
Your name is Yu-Rang? That's good.
Lie down. I want to talk to you.
About a certain $1 billion in gold?
Half a billion, Mr. Helm.
I'm thinking of a partnership.
So am I.
Shall we...
come to the point?
Maybe you're in too big a hurry.
Now that we're partners...
why don't you just relax, Miss Yu-Rang?
Let's not be formal, Matt.
My first name is Wen.
Wen? Wen Yu-Rang.
I say the answer's hello.
Now where did you say
my half a billion in gold was?
In the same place my half a billion is.
Pardon me, Mr. Helm.
She's here.
No. Yes, she's here.
She's got a knife in her hand.
I know she's got a knife in her hands.
And I said I'd call you.
But it's very important.
Pardon me?
We're having a party, no?
Here.
They told me you were a unique...
experience, Mr. Helm. Matt.
Incredibly formidable, exciting.
Now I shall never find out.
Mr. Helm, Mr. MacDonald has been calling
and he's on his way here.
Isn't that an adorable mink, Mr. Helm?
I don't know what you've got,
but you sure got bad timing.
Yes? Linka?
A lodge? I'd love to.
Aren't you going to wait for Mr. MacDonald?
He cabled the Bureau he'd be in tonight.
- Want to do me a favour?
- Yes, sir.
Go play in the freeway.
Without a car.
- J.B., please.
- J.B.
Yes.
Establish an observation post
at Contini's chateau.
- It'll be functional at 0800 hours.
- Right.
Mr. MacDonald,
can you give us any assurance...
that Matt Helm will complete
his mission on time?
I regret to say that I can't, Mr. Ambassador.
You see, Matt's been out of contact
for the past 26 hours.
Gentlemen, unless we get that gold
on Monday...
by noon the pound will be worthless.
In that event, how long could
the American dollar survive?
- Can't we send in a task force?
- No, sir.
We just can't risk a newsbreak.
However, I've notified Matt
that I'm on my way to Copenhagen.
I'll report to you by 0100.
Gentlemen.
I told you I'd love to come.
- Of course, but you startled me.
- You weren't expecting me?
But I'm delighted you're here.
As a matter of fact, I could use a little help.
Would you, please?
Which way, up or down?
There's always a choice, Mr. Helm,
isn't there?
Thank you.
I thought you wanted to talk.
Can't that wait? I always...
prefer pleasure before business.
I bet your father was a wise old gypsy.
- Because I'm going barefoot?
- Just a thought.
But I like your thinking. Pleasure first.
Without interruptions.
- Were you expecting someone?
- Yes.
That nice friendly character in your car.
But don't you worry about him.
He's taking a nice long nap.
That was stupid. Karl is no threat to you.
And neither am I.
So this is the place I was
going to get shot in the back.
Kind of a stylish pad to take off from.
I forgot to tell you...
I took the gun.
Well, of course Contini sent me here
to kill you.
But you see, on the way over here,
I changed my mind and I decided not to.
After I decked that friendly chap and
after I took the hardware, then you decided?
Mr. Helm.
Come here.
You want me to lie down
so you can talk to me?
Okay.
- About a partnership.
- A full partnership?
Name on a rug, door, floor?
The full treatment.
The train has stopped for Contini and me...
and I'm getting off.
To wait for me?
Why?
Because I was told...
you were well worth waiting for.
Gossip. Just gossip.
- Don't you believe me?
- No.
Look under the pillow at your left-hand side.
You see, my friendly chauffeur
and the other gun...
were just decoys.
And that is the gun
I was supposed to kill you with.
I'm even taking off my bracelet
because I don't want you to get scratched.
- Now do you believe me?
- I'd better.
You got a deal. Now, where is the gold?
It's being moved right now.
They won't believe this at the office either,
but here's a straight question: Where to?
I really don't know.
And I won't know for hours.
So you see, we've all the time in the world.
That's a horn. That's not a horn.
You didn't... That wasn't...
Tell me you didn't hear a horn.
You heard a horn?
She's here.
You got a deal, partner. Now, you call me.
- There's activity, but nothing conclusive.
- Maintain surveillance.
Right.
Each phase of our operation has been
advanced 10 hours. Repeat, 10 hours.
Shipments will be delivered
according to my prearranged schedules.
But our tolerances have been
drastically reduced. MacDonald is here.
Which means that ICE has established
Red Alert Plus One.
You tried and failed.
I won't tonight.
Words. I can't afford the luxury of words.
There's been a serious breakdown
in security.
The chateau has been under surveillance
for seven hours. Deplorable!
When the estate is re-secured...
and quadrants checked,
you will make a phone call to Mr. Helm...
and you will arrange to meet him
at the usual rendezvous.
Hold it.
Well, Matt.
- Mr. MacDonald!
- Freya!
For Pete's sake, Freya!
Let me look...
Freya, how long has it been?
Prague or maybe it was the Jefferson affair...
Don't tell me
that you know little Miss Foul-up here?
Just one minute.
I was told to work directly under you...
and you refused to cooperate.
Say that again, I'm going to teach you
to watch your language.
Matt, I told you we'd give you
all the protection we could.
She's my protection?
- She is with British Intelligence.
- I get it. You're trying to get rid of me.
And an extremely efficient one, too.
As a matter of fact, I've established an
observation post above Contini's chateau.
- What did you find out?
- Nothing at all.
- The agent was killed.
- That figures.
And, in addition, I was extremely efficient
at the tramway with Yu-Rang, remember?
That was in the ladies' room.
Wait a minute. Yu-Rang is here?
That's trouble in spades.
She's Contini's top agent in Hong Kong.
Matt, what inning is it?
I think it's the ninth inning and
you're right on target. Contini is our guy.
The United States is holding
a 5% finder's fee...
for that gold, and no questions asked.
$50 million?
I'm supposed to meet Linka tonight...
and they've set me up for a hit.
But I'm gonna shock her
out of her miniskirt.
Would you answer that, please?
No, over there.
And if it's little Linka...
stall. You know what that means, stall.
Mr. Helm's suite.
No, he isn't at the moment.
May I take a message?
Thank you.
It was your little Linka.
They really think I'm buying.
If only I knew where Yu-Rang lived...
I would have had a cosy little chat with her.
It just so happens that I know
where Yu-Rang hangs her kimono.
I bet you do. 10-to-1, you don't.
Bet.
You just remember that this happens
to be my home cricket pitch.
Well, stop pitching your cricket and give.
The House of 7 Joys.
Number 5, Viking Street. 10-to-1?
Matt, hold it.
Now, be sensible. Use your head
for something beside a target.
- You're walking into a firing squad.
- I'm glad you're worried about me...
but I'm going to be sensible.
I'm using my head.
I'm not meeting Linka tonight.
You're picking her up.
Hello.
Hello, partner.
We have a golden opportunity, partner.
So why don't you meet me as soon
as possible at the House of 7 Joys.
Viking Street.
It's honest time now.
The House of 7 Joys?
That's Yu-Rang's pad.
We'll meet in the open.
Tivoli Gardens.
West Gate.
And one more thing, sweetheart.
I know where the gold is,
so that makes me the senior partner.
I believe he does know.
He may...
and he may not.
But I can't afford to speculate.
Permit me, Mr. Helm.
May I, Mr. Helm?
Thank you.
This way, please.
May I call you "partner"?
It was thoughtful of you
to call me, Mr. Helm...
with such an attractive proposal.
Don't knock it, honey.
The finder's fee is $50 million.
No questions, no strings.
His Excellency would have questions.
Who's he going to ask?
Other guys wearing stripes?
What's to prevent me taking
the whole bowl of rice? The billion?
Well, in the first place,
you don't have Contini's contacts...
and you're too little for that much loot.
And your share?
I'm an agent of ICE.
I don't get one yen.
You're doing this only for duty?
Well, you're a generous person.
I figure, later on, Christmas time,
you might send me a card or something.
Forgive me, Yu-Rang.
There's a call from your headquarters
in Bombay.
Excuse me. Oh, no.
Mr. Helm...
betraying Massimo Contini
is both dangerous and unprofitable.
You've caused me
a great deal of inconvenience.
Well, you have to admit
it's been a two-way street.
Were you tempted by his offer, my dear?
Of course not, Your Excellency.
That offer, Mr. Helm,
removed my last nagging doubt.
You don't know where the gold is...
otherwise you would not have attempted
to corrupt my loyal servant, Yu-Rang.
We know where it is.
And that offer was plain common sense.
We want to avoid publicity and also we want
to avoid killing a couple of dozen people.
No.
Now I can proceed precisely on schedule.
Well, you've forgotten something.
I'm here. You're here.
Yu-Rang and her friendly apes are here.
But where...
is MacDonald?
I would like to play poker
with you, Mr. Helm...
because you lie so unconvincingly.
Just in the nick of time.
I was terribly disappointed
that you couldn't keep our rendezvous.
But Mr. MacDonald proved to be very...
cooperative, shall we say?
That's Mac, all right. Anything to help.
But one thing, we gotta get going.
Well, if it isn't Miss Carlson.
My dear, you must be terribly
dedicated to your work...
to wear an atrocious wig like that.
How very common of you to mention it.
Your question, I believe,
was, "Where is Mr. MacDonald?"
You sure are something, Count.
But I gotta tell you,
I'm holding aces, back-to-back.
Your call, Mr. Helm.
Operation Rainbow.
Go on.
Lola Medina.
The wild gypsy with the wise old pappy,
and the noisy bottles.
She was your fun and games while
Operation Rainbow was being planned.
And you want to know something
about gypsies?
They love to drink and they love to talk.
I'm sorry you said that, Mr. Helm.
Because it brings our pleasant little chat
to an end.
Hold on, Mac.
The tracks have been cleared
to Luxembourg.
Proceed to Phase 8 immediately.
Be so good as to execute
Messieurs Helm and MacDonald.
And don't forget Miss Carlson.
Raise the inside cylinder.
Remove the glass wall.
And get ready.
How very unfortunate.
Get our pal to a hospital.
Never mind me. Just stop Contini.
That could have been you.
Never.
- Hurry it up.
- Yes, Your Excellency.
- Don't just stand there.
- Yes, Your Excellency.
The shipment will be en route
to Luxembourg at H-hour minus 10.
Intercept Matt Helm.
He's travelling towards the chateau,
south by southwest.
Yes, Your Excellency.
Turn around.
Turn left at the intersection.
I know a shortcut.
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure. Turn left.
Must be the wig.
I beg your pardon?
Well, I mean you...
At the House of 7 Joys,
you didn't do one thing wrong.
Turn right, right here.
Somebody put a river here.
I'll see if it's too deep to cross.
It's fine.
It's too deep.
Too deep?
Look, I want to ask you a question.
Whose side are you on?
Well, I'm an agent.
And I also happen to be a good one.
And I'm also a woman.
It was the wig.
Get rid of it! Throw it!
Not at me!
Ching! To the river!
I want to talk to you.
I want to talk to you, too,
after the job's finished.
Mr. Helm, I'm afraid the car is broken.
- The car's broken?
- Yes.
My hat! My hat's okay.
Hey, come here.
- Your hat's not broken?
- No.
Your head's broken. Grab a hold.
That's right.
You through?
You are on their side.
I am not.
Up you go.
Mr. Helm, I think you should know
that I'm a bit of a coward about flying.
Good.
Mr. Helm! Look!
Contini's.
Band 05, come in.
Are you reading me, Matt?
Time's running out, Mr. MacDonald...
for the British pound,
the American dollar, the free world.
- I can send in a division of troops.
- No.
Until I contact Matt, we can't make a move.
Get on with it, Frankie. Move it nearer.
Yes, Your Excellency.
Matt Helm.
They will take care of Mr. Helm's
terminal liquidation. Come on.
If they happen to fail,
you will execute Plan 2.
Yes, Your Excellency.
Unfortunately, I can't stay to savour
Mr. Helm's final departure.
But Luxembourg, I shall expect you to dine.
He's landing behind the chateau.
Let's go!
From the window there!
Goodbye.
Our business must remain unfinished.
I'm sorry, Matt.
Oh, dear.
Just a minute.
I'm not through with you yet.
I could indulge myself
by killing you, Mr. Helm.
But I will leave that small chore
to your colleague, Miss Carlson.
Oh, no.
I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?
Of course you hurt me.
- Okay, let's...
- No, come with me. I know a better way.
Are you sure it's not occupied?
Isn't this fun?
Well, isn't it?
Isn't this wonderful?
I just can't wait.
You can't wait?
You know, like you say,
to have our little talk.
Mr. Helm, there it is! There!
Isn't this exciting?
Are you comfortable, my dear?
Yes, very comfortable, thank you.
Mr. Helm!
I lost my hat.
Mr. Helm! I'm slipping!
I'm slipping!
Is my hair a mess?
What?
Is my hair a mess?
- You wanna know the truth?
- Yeah.
You're a mess!
- Mr. MacDonald...
- Hold it.
I'm getting through to him. Matt?
Matt, where the hell are you?
I'm in Contini's diesel.
And what's left of him is...
up the track about 30 miles
from his chateau.
Yeah, I got the gold.
And I got a couple of questions.
Where do I take it
and how do you stop this thing?
Don't stop.
We're rerouting you to Copenhagen
on automatic signals.
We'll take over from there. And, Matt...
don't let one damn thing go wrong.
Nothing will go wrong.
Do you think we can have our...
little talk now?