There's No Business Like Show Business (1954) Movie Script

There's no business
like show business
Like no business I know
Let's go on with the show
There's no business
like show business
Like no business I know
Yesterday they told you
you would not go far
That night you open
and there you are
Next day on your dressing room
They've hung a star
Let's go on with the show
You promised
That you'd forget me not
But you forgot to remember
When that midnight choo-choo
leaves for Alabam'
I got to catch that train
I'll be right there
I've got my fare
When I see that
rusty-haired conductor man
I got to find that man
I'll grab him
by the collar
And I'll holler
- Ala...
- Bam'
- Ala... '
- Bam...
That's where
you stop your train
That brings me back again
Down home
where I'll remain
Where my honey lamb
Am
I will be right there
with bells
When that old
conductor yells
All aboard
All aboard
for Alabamy
Board!
For Alabam'
For Alabamy
Board!
I'll be right there
with bells
When that
old conductor yells
All aboard
For Alabam'
When that midnight choo-choo
leaves for Alabam'
Stop!
In days of yore
before the war
When hearts now old
were young
At home each night
by firelight
Those dear old songs
were sung
Sweet melodies
and memories
Around my heart
still cling
That's why I like
to hear a song
Like mother
used to sing
Won't you play
a simple melody
Like my mother
sang to me?
One with good
old-fashioned harmony
Play a simple melody
Musical demon
Sets your honey
a-dreamin'
Won't you
play me some rag?
Just change that
classical nag
To some sweet
beautiful drag
If you will
play from the copy
Of a tune
that is choppy
You'll get
all my applause
And that is
simply because
I want to listen to rag
A...
Musical demon
Sets your honey
a-dreamin'
But won't you
play me some rag?
Just change that
classical nag
To some sweet
beautiful drag
If you will play
from a copy
Of a tune
that is choppy
You'll get all
my applause
And that is
simply because
I want to hear
some ragtime music
That's what
you want to hear
A sweet song with
a sigh and a tear
A good old
ragtime simple melody
"Peter Rabbit was a very bad
little rabbit,
"and that's why
Peter Rabbit
"was sent to bed
without his supper.
"But Flopsy, Mopsy,
and Cotton-Tail,
they had ice cream
and raspberry jam."
They say it's late.
How late?
I don't know.
They just said
it was late.
Well, I know that.
You didn't have to go
all the way over there
to find that out.
Don't yell at me, Molly.
I don't run the railroad.
Wake me up when
the train gets here.
Terry.
Already?
No. No. Terry,
this is a crummy way
to bring up kids.
Oh, Molly, don't start
sending the kids
back to your mother
just because
the train is late.
Steve ought to go
to school,
and they should be
sleeping in beds
instead of... oh,
it's just not right
keeping them up all hours
of the night like this.
I want them to have
an education,
a real education.
They have to learn
arithmetic and spelling
and geography.
You never went past
the sixth grade.
It was probably
the fourth grade
because you said
it was the sixth.
My age is the only thing
I lie about,
and I don't add on,
I take off.
All right,
the sixth grade,
but there's
nothing wrong
with your arithmetic.
You can whistle
Mandy
doing
Off To Buffalo
and count the house
at the same time
and tell me
within 5 cents
how much is
out there.
That's not arithmetic.
Darn right that's not.
That's higher mathematics.
Besides,
the welfare workers
are going
to crack down on us
wherever we go, just like
they did in Pittsburgh.
I handled it there,
didn't I?
Why don't you let me
worry about that?
Oh, quiet. You'll
wake up the children.
Oh, Father dear,
will you see if there's
a dry diaper for the baby
in that basket?
Diaper. Is that
the kind of thing
you mention in public?
Sometimes.
Don't bother. He hasn't
worn them for two years.
You know, if there was
any way to divide up
three children evenly...
Yes?
The Western track two.
All aboard for Scranton.
Come on, joy boy.
That's our train.
Come on, darling,
wake up.
Wake up. Come on.
We have to go.
You get these two,
will you?
And that big one.
I can handle
the rest of them.
Here, honey,
you take this one.
Take good care
of it now.
Help with the luggage now.
Steve, ask your father
if he remembered
to change my berth
to a lower.
Katy, ask Pop
if he remembered
to make the change.
How about the change,
Daddy?
I got plenty of change.
I'll take care
of the porter.
He says he's got it.
He got the lower, Mom.
Good. If there's
one thing I hate,
it's sleeping
in an upper berth
with three kids.
Come on, honey.
Here's Flopsy.
Here's Mopsy.
And you've got
Cotton-Tail.
And you, too,
Peter Rabbit.
Wait till you see our finish.
Terry yelled
his head off, of course.
He still wanted to keep them
on the road with us,
but as the children
grew older,
I finally won out.
We put them in a very good
school in Boston.
Poor kids.
And that meant we had
to figure out a new act.
You sure had
a brilliant idea
for that little gem.
I sure did:
Eight
beautiful blondes.
Nine.
Nine?
Yes, nine.
A pretty girl
Is like a melody
That haunts you
night and day
Just like the strain
Of a haunting refrain
She'll start upon
a marathon
And run around
your brain
You can't escape
She's in your memory
By morning, night,
and noon
She will leave you
and then
Come back again
A pretty girl is just
like a pretty tune
A pretty girl
La ta da
ta da de da
Is like a melody
La ta da
ta da de da
That haunts you
night and day
They go together
like sunny weather
Goes with
the month of May
Just like the strain
La la la la la la...
Of a haunting refrain
She'll start upon
a marathon
And run around
your brain
You can't escape,
no, no, no, no, n...
She's in your memory
In your memory by
morning, night, and noon
She will leave you
and then...
Come back again
A pretty girl is
just like a pretty tune
Terrence was
having so much fun
that I hated to spoil it,
but Saturday night,
that was the end of that.
It was good-bye, blondes.
Shh!
Tim, we ought
to go back.
We're just going to get
in a lot of trouble.
Katy's waiting for us
out in the bushes.
You're not going to go
chicken now, are you?
Come on!
Father Dineen:
Going somewhere?
Suppose you come
in here, boys.
What is it?
Trouble.
Where?
School.
I don't want you
to think that the children
have caused
any serious trouble.
On the contrary,
they're fine youngsters,
and we'd like
to keep them very much.
I just thought it best
that we have
a little talk.
I hope my telegram
didn't interfere
too much
with your plans.
That's all right, Father.
We closed last night.
We'll be laying off
for Lent anyway.
Oh, isn't that
interesting?
I didn't know actors
gave up the theater
for Lent.
Well, not exactly, Father.
Let's say that the theater
gives up actors for Lent.
Does the box office
fall off?
Yes, Father. Ours falls off.
Yours picks up.
Oh, I understand,
but to return
to the children.
The fact is, they want
to be back with you.
Did they tell you that?
Well, they've
done more than that.
They tried
to run away. Twice.
No.
Yes.
Why? Is the work
too much for them?
I mean,
are they dumbbells?
Oh, no.
Not at all.
If there's something
wrong with our kids,
you don't have
to horse around. You can...
Oh, I beg your pardon,
Father.
That's quite all right.
No, there's nothing
wrong with them.
Quite the contrary.
Steve is a fine student,
quiet, serious.
Quite an unusual boy.
Katherine, well,
the sisters tell me
she's above average.
And, uh, Timothy?
Well, uh...
Timothy is all boy,
shall we say?
A natural born leader.
Great kid, huh, Father?
Unfortunately,
sometimes he leads
the others
in the wrong direction.
Oh, there's
nothing serious.
What I'm trying
to say is,
the children
are just not happy
away from you
and the theater.
Happy? Who told them
they're supposed to be happy?
They're supposed
to be learning things.
Well, in any event,
I think that you
and your husband
should have a talk
with them
and try to explain
to them how you feel.
Personally,
I find something
very rare and precious
in this feeling
they have for you
and your profession.
Of course, it's up
to you to decide.
Excuse me.
I'll get them.
Get that bit
about Tim?
"Natural born leader."
Look, birdbrain,
Father Dineen was trying
to tell us
in a very nice way
that we've got a little
gangster on our hands.
Didn't you get it?
The kids are going
to stay right here, Terry.
Who says they're not?
Don't act so innocent.
I know you.
You're a pushover
for those kids.
Me? You're the one
that's always
giving in to them.
Not this time.
I'm going to be as firm
as the rock of Gibraltar.
The rock of Gibraltar.
The kids knew we bought
a house in Jersey,
but this was the first
time they'd seen it.
And what a time
to face a big fat mortgage.
Crash!
Depression!
And the first thing
that people gave up
was the theater.
And the first thing
the theater gave up
was the Donahues.
Boy, the things
we had to do
to make a buck.
A couple of seasons there,
we even split up.
She's not so good
in the house
But on a bench
in the park
You'd be surprised
She isn't much
in the light
But when she gets
in the dark
You'd be surprised
At a party
or at a ball
I got to admit,
she's nothin' at all
But in the Morris chair
You'd be surprised
And when I say coffee,
I don't mean
just any coffee.
I mean Shelby's
aerated, vacuumized
flavor in the bean
coffee,
which comes in three
delicious grinds:
Instant...
perk...
And drip.
So
Let's have
another cup of coffee
Yes, let's have another cup
of Shelby's
aerated coffee.
And let's have
another piece of pie
Then one day
things started picking up.
We were in the chips again,
playing big picture houses
all across the country.
Till about '37.
That was the year
Tim surprised us all
and graduated
from high school.
And we started
working out a new act
for the whole family.
Katy's love was dancing,
and the kid was good.
Steve was no hoofer,
but he sure could
sell a song.
Our name
for the new act?
What else?
The Five Donahues!
Working together,
we soon hit the top:
Headliners in a big
hippodrome extravaganza.
Come on and hear
Alexander's Ragtime Band
Come on and hear
It's the best band
in the land
They can play
a bugle call
Like you never
heard before
So natural that you
want to go to war
That's just
the bestest band what am
My honey lamb
Come on along
Let me take you
by the hand
Up to the man
Who's the leader
of the band
And if you care to hear
The Swanee River
Played in ragtime
Come on and hear
Alexander's Ragtime
That raggy beat
Gets in your feet
Come on and meet
Alexander's Ragtime Band
Ah, come un zee hear
Ja?
Come un zee hear
Alexander's Ragtime Band
Ach, du liebe, shee,
come see und hear
Ein, zwei,
drei, vier
That's the best what
am in the land
If you want to hear
The Swanee River
Spieled ragtime
Come hear,
ach, ja
Das oompah pah pah
Alexander's Ragtime Band
Alexander's Ragtime Band
Oompah pah pah,
oompah pah pah
Oompah pah... oop
Alexander's
Ragtime Band
Come on and hear
Hoot, man
Come on and hear
Hoot, man
Alexander's Ragtime Band
Come on and hear
Hoot, man
Come on and hear
Hoot, man
It's the best band
in the land
And if you care to hear
Swanee River
Played in ragtime
Come on and hear,
come on and hear
The bonnie music of
Alexander's Ragtime Band
Hoot, man
Alexander's
Ragtime Band
Allons, mon cher
Attention!
Alexander, ooh l l
Ecoutez, amis
Alexander, ooh!
Touch
And if you care to hear
Vraiment magnifique,
zee Swanee River
Che che che che che
In ragtime
Allons, allons
Marchons, Marchons
Alexander's Band
Oui, certainement
Come on along
Let me take you
By the hand
Up to the man
Who's the leader
of the band
Come on and hear
Alexander's
Ragtime Band
Come on and hear
It's the best band
in the land
They can play
a bugle call
Like you've never
heard before
So natural that you
want to go to war
That's just
the bestest band what am
Honey lamb
Come on
Come on along
Let me take you
by the hand
Up to the maestro
That man
The leader
of the band
I want to hear that
Swanee, Swanee River
Play it, play it,
play that ragtime
Hear, hear
Alexander's band
Is
Here
It must be the man
It must be Alexander
Hey, hear the band,
dance with the band
They're here
Come on and hear
Alexander's
Ragtime Band
Come on, come on,
come on
It's the best band
in the land
If you hear
that bugle call
That's about the bestest
band what am
Honey lamb,
come on
Come on along
I want to take you
by the hand
Up to the man
The leader
of the band
And if you want that
Swanee River
Played in ragtime
Come on along
Come on along,
come on along
To see and hear
Alexander's Ragtime Band
Oh, you!
Hey, it went great,
huh, Pop?
Yeah, Tim. Fine.
You know who was
out front tonight? Flo.
Ziegfeld?
No, Flo Zimmerman,
my cousin from Passaic.
Mit de apple strudel
und the lager beer.
- Lager beer. Skol.
- Skol.
Hi, Timmy.
Oh, hiya, kid.
I'll be with you
in just a minute.
Oh, excusen me.
Important business
up and comin'.
You're excused.
Good-bye.
Terry, have you ever
had a talk with Tim
about... you know... girls?
Yeah, a few times,
but he wouldn't give me
any phone numbers.
No, seriously!
You kidding?
That'd be like me
teaching Dempsey
how to fight.
I wish they'd pick
on someone their own age.
Yeah, me, too.
I hope the kids are ready.
I'm starved.
Me, too.
Come in.
Hiya, Stevie.
Be with you in a minute.
Mind if I go on ahead?
Got a date?
No, no.
It's such a beautiful night,
I just feel like walking.
I got some
thinking to do.
OK, if that's
your idea of fun.
See you later.
So long, Steve.
Terry.
What?
Do you think something's
bothering Steve?
Why?
Well, he seems
so far away these days.
I mean, he's not
always with you.
Kind of like a poet
or something.
Maybe
he'll write lyrics.
No, it's not that.
It's...
No, it's not that,
either. It's...
I don't know,
but it's something.
Yeah.
Well, I'm glad
we got that cleared up.
Ready?
Katy, we're ready.
Katy, you in there?
Where could she be?
She's usually
the first one.
Tim?
Timothy?
How about it?
Fine.
We'll be right back.
Well, uh, don't hurry.
You better bring us
another gin and tonic,
another straight bourbon,
another scotch and soda...
and another
ginger ale, please.
Ginger ale.
Why don't you break down
and have a real drink?
Relax.
Oh, I'm completely relaxed.
Well, this is more like it.
That other place
was a creep joint.
Yeah, and the one
before it was a morgue.
Right.
I'll check my hat.
OK, baby.
Miss?
Uh, Miss?
Good evening, sir.
Welcome to Gallagher's
Golden Pheasant Room.
Check your hat, sir?
Try it again,
a little bit more
from the chest.
Oh, you think so?
My vocal teacher sa...
My vocal teacher says
it's all diaphragm.
All diaphragm?
Hmm hmm.
I'd say there's
quite a lot else there.
Tell me,
what's a girl
with such
pear-shaped tones
doing checking hats?
I am temporarily
between engagements.
Six months temporarily.
And a girl has to eat
and pay
for her singing lessons.
Oh, you're a singer?
I could've sworn
you were
a dramatic actress.
You think
that's impossible.
No, no,
I can just see it now:
You as Lady Macbeth.
What a sleep-walking
scene!
I wonder if some evening
you'd mind...
Skip it. I don't
give private auditions.
Number 35.
How now, brown cow?
Good evening, sir.
Welcome to...
Eddie, did you get him?
Is he coming over?
Yeah. Believe it or not,
the great Lew Harris is
coming over to hear you.
He's on his way.
Helen, take over
for me, will you?
Well, sure, honey.
What's up?
Lew Harris
is coming over.
Lew Harris?
The producer?
I'm going to sing
with the band.
Oh, good luck, honey.
Is this the dress?
Are you sure
it's the right one?
He said it was
the one you picked out.
It cost and arm
and a leg just to rent.
I hope you know
what you're doing.
Eddie, will you
stop worrying?
I've known what I was doing
since I was 6 years old.
Does Gallagher know
you're going on,
or is this a secret
between you
and the band?
Sure, Mr. Gallagher's
in on it.
He knows I've worked
in clubs before.
But how can you
go on and sing
with a strange band?
I'm not singing
with a strange band.
I rehearsed with them
all afternoon,
and they're very friendly.
The head waiter's name
is Carlos.
He has a very good table
for you and Mr. Harris.
And the drinks
are on the house.
Carlos is in on it, too?
Of course. He's even going
to make the waiters
stop serving
while I sing,
and he's very
friendly, too.
I have been an agent
for a good many years,
but this is
the first time
the client
has ever managed me.
Oh, and another thing.
When you bring him back
to see me,
I want to show him
that I'm an actress, too.
I've been working on a scene
from The Cherry Orchard.
The Cherry Orchard.
Vicky, let's save the acting
as a surprise for him
for later. Much later.
Right now, Mr. Harris
wants a singer.
A hot singer!
What song
are you singing?
I'm singing
"After You Get What You Want,
You Don't Want It."
Vicky, for the love
of Mike,
will you forget that
elocution stuff?
It's
After
You Get What You Want.
After. After. After.
OK, Eddie. You run down
and wait for Mr. Harris.
I'll change.
After.
After.
After.
After.
The girls
in the chorus say
you're not to be trusted.
Yeah? What else
they say about me?
Wouldn't you
like to know?
Yeah.
I beg your pardon.
May I please get by here?
Well, if it isn't
Ethel Barrymore.
It was only
yesterday...
Please, let's not play
any more games.
I'm in an awful hurry.
Must be losing my grip.
Something's
happening to me.
You're getting old,
Buster.
Why, you must be
almost 20.
What difference does it
make how old a man is?
Listen, Cheri,
one man in 20 years
may still be a baby,
a mere enfant,
but another may have
lived a full lifetime,
seen everything,
done everything.
It is not how old
you are, mon patoot.
It is the way
you have lived.
It's the wine
you have drunk,
the music
you have heard,
and the women
you have known.
Oh, the stories
I could tell you, kid.
Yeah?
So tell me.
Well, I... Hey, hey.
I'll take the bottle.
And bring another
double gin
for Snow White.
You know,
you're real cute.
Oh.
Well, uh, bottom's up.
You're pretty cute
yourself.
Well, now,
that's more like it.
I thought you were great
in the show tonight.
Oh, did you?
Uh-huh.
You were swell.
Oh, thank you,
but you know,
you didn't see
all of it.
No?
No. We've got a lot
of comedy stuff
that we didn't do.
Real slapstick.
I like slapstick.
I'll bet you do.
We have one bit
that never fails.
Here.
I'll show you.
Put your hands out
like this, flat.
Now, I take
these two glasses
and put them like so.
And?
That's all.
Bye!
Hey!
Mr. Harris' table.
We have a reservation.
Yes, sir.
This way, please.
Ladies and gentlemen,
ladies and gentlemen,
Gallagher's has a little
surprise for you tonight:
A new young talent,
Miss Victoria Hoffman.
Come on, everybody,
let's give the little girl
a great big welcome.
After you get
what you want
You don't want it
If I gave you the moon
You'd grow tired
of it soon
You're like a baby
You want what you want
when you want it
But after you are
presented
With what you want
You're discontented
You're always
wishing and wanting for
Something
When you get
what you want
You don't want
what you get
And though I
sit upon your knee
You grow tired of me
'Cause after
You get what you want
You don't want what
you wanted at all
Changeable
You've got
a changeable nature
Always, always
changing your mind
There's a longing
in your eye
Hard to satisfy
And here's
the reason why
'Cause after
You get what you want
You don't want it
If I gave you the moon
You'd grow tired
of it soon
You're like a baby
You want what you want
when you want it
But after you are
presented
With what you want
You're discontented
You're always
wishing and wanting for
Something
When you get
what you want
You don't want
what you get
And though I sit
upon your knee
You grow tired of me
'Cause after
You get what you want
You don't want
what you wanted at all
Baby, I don't mean
to make you blue
But you need
a talkin' to
'Cause after
You get what you want
You don't want
what you wanted at all
I know you!
Well, what do you think?
I'm interested.
I knew it.
I knew you'd
flip your lid
over this girl.
Ha ha ha ha.
How do you do, Mr. Harris?
Hello, Mr. Harris.
Hi there, Mr. Harris.
Hello.
Oh, not again.
I'm waiting for someone
terribly important.
This is
terribly important, too.
I happen to be
Kirby from Variety.
I think the world
should know about you.
How about an interview?
This not another one
of your little jokes.
Oh, no,
not when I'm working.
The only thing is I'm
expecting these people.
That's all right.
Why don't we start
and see how far we get.
Oh, excuse me.
Uh, tell me, have you had
any previous experience?
Doing what?
I was thinking
of your stage career,
but I'd be interested
in anything else
you have to tell me.
I see.
Why don't I give you
my telephone number?
Why don't you?
I have
a much better idea.
I'll call you
tomorrow at Variety,
and we can make a date.
Oh, it's, uh, well,
tomorrow happens
to be my day off.
I was afraid
of something like that.
Excuse me.
That must be my guests.
Oh, hello.
Vicky, this is
Mr. Lew Harris.
Charmed, I'm sure.
I enjoyed your performance,
Miss Hoffman.
Did you?
Did you really?
Come in please.
This gentleman
was just leaving.
Tim Donahue.
How are you, kid?
I hear you and the family
are knockin' 'em dead
over at the Hippodrome.
Thank you, Mr. Harris.
One of
The Five Donahues?
Oh, you do
a great act.
I didn't know
you knew him.
We just met.
Mr. Donahue,
it was awfully sweet
of you to come back
and tell me how much
you admired my work.
When one performer
troubles
to tell another,
that's praise indeed.
And tell your family
while I do
appreciate it,
I couldn't possibly
join their act.
I'll tell 'em,
but they'll
be brokenhearted.
I'm sorry, but there are
five of you already,
and I much prefer
working as a single,
if you know what I mean,
and I think you do.
Mad about me.
Timmy, where you been?
I been lookin'
everywhere for you.
I just fumbled,
and the coach took me out.
Whoop,
that's a cute step.
Come on,
let's go someplace
where they appreciate me.
Oh, this is silly.
After all, they're
not children anymore.
No. Come on,
I got a good hand.
They're certainly old enough
to take care of themselves.
Exactly. You go.
Why do you suppose
they didn't tell us,
just sneaking out
that way without...
Molly, that's just
part of growing up.
Remember our first date?
Yeah.
We didn't tell anybody,
either.
No.
You remember how late
we stayed out?
Mm-hmm.
You should've been
ashamed of yourself.
Where the heck
is Katy?
Take it easy.
Now you got me worried.
It's about time,
you big lug.
Here's a taxi.
What do you mean
by coming home
at this hour,
young lady?
You have some
explaining to do.
How sweet of you
to wait up for me.
Do pay the cab fare,
darling.
I'm flat.
Where did
you pick her up?
Outside of Gallagher's joint.
How much do I owe you?
6.20.
6.20? How'd ya come,
by way of Canarsie?
I brought her home,
didn't I?
Thanks.
Got change of 20?
Oh, yeah.
And for all I know, Mom,
he's still sitting there,
dripping.
Let me tell you about
the one I used to use.
A handbag
full of nickels...
anybody got fresh...
clunk.
We used to call it
the woman's defender.
What's so funny?
Your daughter stays out
gallivanting till
all hours of the morning,
and you think
it's a big joke.
Maybe Katy never went
to finishing school,
but there are some parts
of her education
I'll match against anybody's.
Um, Tim get home yet?
No. Why? You see him?
You know where he is?
No. I just wondered.
Where in blazes
have you been?
In church.
Church?
Now I've heard
everything.
No, seriously.
Church at this time
of night?
I went for a walk
through the park first.
Who with?
Nobody. Just myself.
Mom, Dad,
there's something
I want to tell you.
Well...
I don't want you to think
I haven't given this
a lot of thought, but...
Go on.
I'm going
to be a priest.
A what?!
A priest.
You're kidding.
Steve, what are
you talkin' about?
I know this
comes as a big shock
to all of you, but...
it's what I want
more than anything else
in the world.
A priest?!
Why, you must be abs...
Let him finish, Terry.
I talked to Father Dineen
about it last summer.
Today I got a letter
telling me to report
to the seminary
next week.
I am not going
to let you do it.
Terry...
Now, you
stay out of this.
Look, son,
you're very young.
You don't understand
what a wonderful thing
life can be.
You don't know
how wonderful it is
to fall in love
and get married
and raise a family.
I'm not gonna let you
give all that up.
I've thought
about it, Pop.
It's just that some people
are meant to be one thing,
some another.
What about your work?
What about everything
you've been trained for?
What about the theater?
In a way, it's just
a change of booking.
You must admit the church
has had a pretty long run.
I just hope
I have the talent for it.
Beats me.
I can't figure it out.
Come on along,
come on along
Alexander's
Ragtime Band
Come on along
Hello, everybody.
Oh, great.
He's crocked.
I beg your pardon...
stinkied.
Whoops, forgot
to remove my hat.
I'll fix him.
- Now...
- Pop...
I can handle him. I've been
handling him his whole life.
Is there some sort
of dispute going on?
Can I be
of any assis...
Can I be of any...
Oh, Mom, I don't
feel so good.
Oh, no, you don't.
Upstairs for you.
I just had
this carpet cleaned.
What a family.
One of 'em
goes sneaking off
to a nightclub,
one of em comes home
smelling like a saloon,
and the third one... you...
I might've expected you
to come home drunk like Tim,
but I will be a Hindu swami
if I expected
what you gave me tonight.
Pop, don't take it
so big.
Steve might turn out
to be something
really big,
like a bishop
or even a cardinal.
Yeah? The only cardinal
I want in this family
is one that plays ball
with St. Louis.
I could take a...
Bath.
Big man now.
Comin' home like...
You're drowning me.
Don't put any ideas
in my head.
Yeah, but I...
Down, boy. Down.
And don't come up
till I tell ya.
Where am I?
Here.
Give me that.
Will you please, Ma?
Timmy, this hurts you
more than it hurts me.
Now get in there.
I'm getting there.
Come on, get in.
Hurry up.
This way. Put your head
down here on the pillow.
Come on.
All right,
let's have it, sport.
Who were you out with?
Lillian Sawyer.
That tomato?
I think I asked her
to marry me, Mom.
I know I proposed
something.
I bet you did.
What'd you have to drink?
I don't remember,
but we topped it off
with champagne
and root beer.
I was trying to forget.
Forget what?
That's another thing
I don't remember.
Another girl, I think.
Little man,
you've had a busy night.
Yeah. Hello? Hello?
Everything's going
round and round, Ma.
Yes, I know. I know.
You go to sleep now.
We'll talk this over
in the morning.
Oh.
I'm sorry, Mom.
I know you are, kid,
and I'm sorry, too,
if I hurt you.
It's just that
we love you so much
that we intend
to make a man out of you,
even if we have
to murder you first.
Thanks, Mom.
Go to sleep now.
Good night, Ma.
Good night, Tim.
Is he all right?
Oh, he's fine now,
but what he's gonna
feel like in the morning.
Anyway, I hope so.
Steve, I wanna talk to you.
Sure, Mom.
Are you disappointed
in me, too,
the way Dad is?
You can't blame
your father, Steve,
the way you
threw it at him,
just cold,
without any buildup.
He wasn't lookin' for it.
He had different plans
for you.
There's still
Katy and Tim.
Yes, but you're
the firstborn.
There's always something
about the first.
Life's funny.
You raise a kid backstage,
you teach him
every trick you know
about singing and dancing
and how to make people laugh,
and then one day, this.
Why? How come?
I don't know, Ma.
It's inside me.
It must have
always been there.
It's like losin' ya, Steve.
Oh, I know,
not really, but...
Then you are
disappointed.
No, I'm not disappointed.
It's a wonderful thing.
I'm just not
used to it yet,
but I'm proud.
Very proud.
Mom.
Remember the night
The night you said
I love you?
Remember?
Remember,
my love
All the stars
Above you?
Remember?
Remember, we vowed
to own this spot
And after I learned
to care a lot
You promised that you'd
Forget me not
But you forgot
To reme-em-em-ber
When do we open?
Where?
Have another sandwich.
Oh, come on,
let's go inside.
They're starting.
Showtime.
Quiet!
Terry:
Showtime! Showtime!
You all get settled down.
Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!
There. Now, since you were
nice enough to surprise me,
I have a surprise for you.
We have a couple of
very talented young people
here with us tonight... songs,
dances, and impressions...
And they would like
to perform for you.
Now, this act
hasn't been seen
in something like
20 years,
and if I'm any
judge of talent,
it'll never be seen again.
Ladies and gentlemen,
The Two Donahues!
When that
midnight choo-choo
Leaves for Alabam'
I gotta catch that train
I'll be right there
I got my fare
When I see that
rusty-haired conductor man
I gotta find that man
I'll grab him
by the collar
And I'll holler
- Ala
- Bam'
That's where you
stop your train
That brings me
back again
Down home
where I'll remain
Where my honey lamb am
I will be
right there with bells
When that
old conductor yells
All aboard, all aboard
All aboard
for Alabamy
For Alabam'
For Alabamy
Board!
I'll be right there
with bells
When that
old conductor yells
All aboo-rd
For Alabam'
When that midnight
choo-choo leaves for
Alabam'
Thank you.
Thank you very much,
ladies and gentlemen.
My sister and I
both thank you.
Would you like to say
a few words, sweetheart?
Yes.
Thank you. That's enough.
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
for the piece de rsistance.
We're supposed
to add a new song
to our act
for next season,
but the fella who was
supposed to sing it
got himself a new job.
It's not as much money
as we were paying him,
but that's
what he wants to do,
so we're all for him.
Would you like to hear it?
Ladies and gentlemen,
your guest of honor,
Mr. Steven Donahue.
Thank you very much.
A couple of years ago,
when we were
playing down in Memphis,
I heard a song
that impressed me very much,
and it's
the kind of a song
we snap our fingers
and clap our hands,
and I want you
to come along with me.
We'll have a little fun.
Brothers
And sisters
Listen
You nonbelievers, listen
You better
start to believe
All you doubters
Be hallelujah shouters
Or else
you're going to grieve
There's no time to wait
You may be too late
So listen
You don't know
what you're missin'
Until you
start to believe
If you believe
That there's a heaven
You'll get to heaven
If you believe
If you believe
that there are angels
You'll see the angels
If you believe
I'm not making promises
To the doubting Thomases
But if you believe
the Lord can help you
The Lord will help you
If you believe
Do you believe?
We do,
we do, we do
Do you believe?
We do,
we do, we do
Well, Jonah went out
one night in a gale
Do you believe that?
We do, we do, we do
Soon he was
swallowed up by a whale
Do you believe that?
We do,
we do, we do
Daniel laid down
with lions that roared
Noah was on his ark
when it poured
Moses looked up,
and he spoke to the Lord
Do you believe that?
We do
We do,
we do, we do
Now, I'm not making promises
To the doubting Thomases
But if you believe
the Lord can help you
The Lord will help you
If you believe
More! More!
Thank you very much.
I hope you won't take this
as my farewell performance.
I'm just going into rehearsal
now for four years,
and when I get
the new act put together...
New material, new costumes...
I hope you'll all
find the time
to come and see me.
Will you?
Steven: Thank you.
Woman: We're going
to miss you around here.
Somebody put a slice of
raw onion in this sandwich.
You better
give me a bite.
I need an excuse, too.
Florida.
We now take you
to beautiful Florida,
land of golden sunshine,
balmy breezes,
swaying palm trees.
Playground
of the millionaires.
Yeah. Things
were going so swimmingly
for The Four Donahues,
one winter, we even
vacationed there.
Some vacation.
Two shows a night.
Three on Saturdays.
Ta-da-da-da-da-ta
Tropical heat wave
Da-da-da-da-ta
Da-da-da-da-ta,
bum-bum
Your aim's gettin' better.
I take it those
are the new costumes
for the Heat Wave
number.
Yeah. Cuban. You like?
Yeah.
You better.
They cost a week's salary.
A week's salary?
If the number
doesn't go,
we can always
eat the act.
Take your hands away.
Those grapes cost
a dollar a piece.
Muchachas, we are
in the wrong business.
Oh, take the arrangements
down to the band
and go over
the routine with them
before we rehearse.
OK, Mom.
If you see Katy,
send her in here.
All right.
Conductor:
Hold it, fellas.
Mac, would mind trying
the vocal with me first?
Just easy, you know?
When the boys get here,
we can
take it from the top.
OK, honey. Let's try it.
Hi, Tim.
Hi.
Vicky, do you know
Tim Donahue?
Miss Vicky Parker.
Hello, Mr. Donahue.
Victoria Hoffman...
Gallagher's.
Right.
But he said
Vicky Parker.
Don't tell me
you're married.
Don't tell me
this is going to be
another interview.
Are you?
Mac, did you know
that Mr. Donahue,
in his spare time,
is a well-known
reporter?
- Yeah.
- Are ya?
No, Mr. Donahue.
I have a new manager,
and he's doing me
over completely.
New name, new clothes,
new, uh...
I guess everything else
is pretty much the same.
Yeah. But my
sensitive ear tells me
that you're not using
quite as much diaphragm.
My vocal teacher
is gone with the wind,
and please
don't remind me.
Ah, dear. And I thought
this was just gonna be
another
nightclub engagement.
Thank you, fellas.
I couldn't have said it
any better myself.
Would you
mind terribly
if we got on
with the rehearsal?
Of course not.
You go right ahead.
I'll just sit right here
and watch you.
Help yourself.
Won't bother me.
It'll bother me,
but I like it.
OK, Mac.
We're havin' a heat wave
A tropical heat wave
The temperature's rising,
it isn't surprising
She's certainly...
Hold it.
Wait a second.
Hold it, fellas. Hold it.
This is terrible.
Terrible?
No, you don't understand.
You can't
use that song.
We're using it.
We have new costumes
and new arrangements.
Well, it's all set.
It's a big number.
You're joking.
I wish I was.
But Heat Wave's
my big number, too.
It is?
What are
we going to do?
My whole act's
built around it.
I have boys
working with me...
but of course,
you're the headliners,
so I guess it's out.
I'll just have to cancel
and go back
to New York.
No, you can't do that.
What about us?
What about all the things
we're gonna do together?
But, Tim,
what else can I do?
It puts me
in a terrible spot.
Well...
I'll tell you what,
forget about it.
Forget the whole thing.
You go right ahead.
It's your number. There are
lots of things we can do.
We'll work something out.
I'll go talk to the family.
I'll see you later.
I hope so.
And thank you.
Yeah.
I'll see you later.
Whew. That was close.
He had me worried.
Not me. I never had
a moment's doubt.
Gentlemen, the winner
and new champion.
Wow!
We're havin' a heat wave
A tropical heat wave
The temperature's rising,
it isn't surprising
She certainly can
Can-can
She started a heat wave
By letting her seat wave
In such a way that
the customers say that
She certainly can
Can-can
Gee, gee
Her anatomy
Makes the mercury
Zoom
To 93
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
We're havin' a heat wave
A tropical heat wave
The way that she moves
that thermometer proves
That she certainly can
What's your name, honey?
Pablo.
Certainly can
Chico.
Certainly can
Miguelito.
Pablo
Chico
Miguelito
Ahh! Can-can
Pablo
It say here under
Weather report
It say
A front of warm air
is moving in from
Where?
Jamaica
Moderately high
barometric pressure
Will cover
the, uh, Northeast and
Where else?
The deep South
Small danger of
What?
Fruit frost
Hot and humid nights
can be expected
St. Vincent, 95
Guadeloupe, 97
Santo Domingo, 99
Martinique
105
We're havin' a heat wave
A tropical
Heat wave
The temperature's rising
It isn't surprising
He certainly can
Can
I started this heat wave
By
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
And in such a way that
The customers say that
I certainly can
Can-can
Gee, gee, gee...
It's easy to see
why he did it.
Ow!
Makes the mercury
Rise to
93
We're havin' a heat wave
A tropical, tropical
heat wave
The way that I move
that thermometer proves
She certainly
Certainly,
certainly can
I certainly, certainly,
certainly can
Can-can
Yeah? Then
what happened?
Then after Lew Harris bought
my contract from Eddie,
he sent me out on the road
for a few seasons.
He told me I had
an awful lot to learn
and I talked as if I had
marshmallows in my mouth.
Ha. I liked it.
It was different.
Yes, like green hair.
Yeah.
It's lovely.
You know,
I never thought
anything like this
could ever happen
to me.
Well, anyway...
I guess Lew thinks
I'm ready now.
He's planning to build
a whole new revue
around me next season
on Broadway.
I'd like to build
something around you:
A barbed-wire fence.
Where do you think
we should go
on our honeymoon?
What?
I think we oughta
stay right here.
Then we wouldn't waste
all that time traveling,
and, besides,
they tell me the rainy
season's coming on.
I really have to go, Tim.
It's getting late.
Why don't we get
a sandwich at the hotel?
I'm hungry.
We just had spaghetti
at the other place.
You bought me
breadsticks, remember?
Huh? Yeah. I forgot.
Well, when we're married,
we won't eat out.
We'll bake
our own breadsticks.
Grow our own wheat?
Sure. With a large family,
you gotta cut corners.
Just how large a family
are you planning?
Oh, quartet:
Baritone, tenor,
soprano, alto.
You like the script so far?
You left out
a very important part:
The menace.
Oh, we don't need one.
We'll keep it
light and airy.
What if your heroine
is a career woman,
gonna fight her way to
the top, no matter what?
Then I'll clear
the path for her.
Why, I'm...
trustworthy,
loyal, helpful,
friendly, courteous,
kind, obedient,
cheerful, thrifty,
brave, clean,
and reverent,
and we could
start a fire
without rubbing
two sticks together.
What do you say, baby?
Don't call us.
We'll call you.
Good night, Tim.
Is that all?
Good night.
Oh, I forgot to return
your breadstick.
I'm awfully sorry.
I'll forgive you.
Good night.
Is that still all?
Tim, I had
a wonderful evening.
I like you very much.
I hope you ask me out
again sometime.
And if you want
to kiss me good night...
Mm-hmm.
Good night.
A man chases a girl
Until she catches him
He runs after a girl
Until he's caught
He fishes for a girl
Until she's landed him
It all comes out exactly
the way she thought
Uncertain
He tags along behind
Uncertain
Till she
makes up his mind
A man chases a girl
until she catches him
But don't run too fast
while you are saying no
And once
you've caught him
Don't ever let him go
A man chases a girl
Vicky: Until
she catches him
He runs after a girl
Until he's caught
He fishes for a girl
Until she's landed him
It all comes out
Exactly the way
she thought
Once you've got him
Don't ever let him
Once you've got him
Don't ever let him
Once you've got him
Don't let him go
"Well, Mom, Latin and I are
finally on speaking terms,
"and I am not as worried
"about the final
examinations now
"as I was a month ago.
"However, I'll be grateful
for all the help I can get,
"so please light
a candle for me.
"Please light
four candles for me.
"I miss you all very much.
"Love, Steve.
"Pax vobiscum.
That's Latin
for "peace be with you."
Let me see that.
You know, it
wouldn't surprise me
if he was top man
in his class.
Morning, Pop.
Morning, Mom.
Would you like
to try
that entrance again?
See, I'm your father.
This lady happens
to be your mother.
Leave him alone, Terry.
He hasn't got anything
straight for two weeks.
Why should he start now?
What's up?
Let him eat.
He needs his strength.
I'll get it.
Hello.
Yes, he's here.
That girl who steals
everybody's material
wants to talk to you.
Shh!
She'll hear you.
Good. Maybe she'll
give me back my song.
Hello, Vicky.
How are you
this morning?
Hmm?
Yeah, it's me.
No, really.
No... no... no... no,
there's
nothing wrong.
It's just... yeah.
Yeah, capacity.
Standing room only.
No, I haven't
had a chance
to tell them yet.
I... I... I...
Excuse me.
Wait just a minute,
will ya, Vicky?
Excuse me, Mother.
Uh, excuse me.
You know something?
I think they're married.
Married? Who?
Tim and that girl.
Didn't you hear him?
"I haven't had a chance
to tell them yet."
What else could it be?
No, no, no.
What do you mean,
"no, no, no"?
Of course that's
what it is.
What are we gonna do?
They're not married.
Then they're making plans.
You've gotta step 'em,
Terry.
Me?
Certainly. You run this act.
Ha! All of a sudden,
when something goes
wrong, I run the act.
Don't raise your voice
to me!
What do you
think you are,
Whispering
Jack Smith?
Come in.
Oh, it's love's
young dream.
He locked himself in.
There's no knob
on the inside.
I'll complain
to the management.
Tell them and get it
over with, will ya?
OK.
Uh, Mom, Pop...
uh, Katy and me,
we, uh...
Well, me and Katy...
Oh, for heaven's sakes.
Lew Harris is going
to star Vicky Parker
in a big Broadway revue
next season...
I got a great title
for it:
Something Borrowed
And Something Blue.
Now, come on, Mom.
Let Katy tell you, will ya?
Well, Vicky wants
Tim and me
to be in the show
with her,
so she asked Mr. Harris
to catch the act
last night,
and he liked us,
so he wants to sign us.
And the question is,
should we or...
or shouldn't we do it?
First she takes our song,
and now...
Oh, this kid and I
have just gotta wind up
the best of chums.
Well, I think
it's great.
I think it's
just wonderful.
Now, you understand
it's just Katy and me.
That's why we didn't
say anything definite.
Are you worrying about
your mother and me?
Young lady,
we were an act
before you
were an idea.
And you, you weren't
even penciled in.
What do you think
we raised you for
if it wasn't for this?
What do you say, Mom?
OK.
On one condition.
They have to take
the four Cuban costumes, too.
Molly, I love you.
"Orchids to Molly
and Terry Donahue,
"wowing them
at The Blue Angel.
"Though back to two slices,
still smasheroo.
"Their kids Katy and Tim
"are rehearsing
"in Lew Harris'
Manhattan Parade,
"slated to open next month.
"If they're anything
like Mom and Pop,
"look for some
very fancy hat-tossing
by the New York critics."
OK, kids. Here we go.
Quiet, everybody!
Settle down, now.
Quiet!
This time, we'll take it
right from the top, huh?
Now, watch those
phone cues, will ya, honey?
You ready, kids?
1... 2...
Hello
Here we go
No, sorry, not tonight
That was quick
Shh, yes?
Jim? Jack? Jeffrey?
No, it's just
that I'm languid
Well, how do you do?
It's nice to know ya
Physically,
I'm in pretty good shape
Brother, you can
say that again
It's my attitude
that's passive
Meow!
Ruff!
You know you're
the only one I love
That's all,
he's hooked
Bye, now
Bye, now
Hello
We're off again
No, sorry, not tonight
She's languid
Shh, quiet
Bill? Bobby? Bruce?
No, it's just
that I'm supine
That's a word?
Who knows?
Physically,
I'm in pretty good shape
See? She did
say it again
But, mentally,
I'm comatose
Quick, boy,
the dictionary
You know you're
the only one I love
New fish,
same hook
Bye, now
Bye, now
She won't get up,
she won't go out
Baby,
what's it all about?
Why? Why?
Why? Why? Why?
Well, in simple
English, I'm...
Lazy
I wanna be
Lazy
I long to be
Out in the sun
With no work
to be done
Under that awning
They call the sky
Stretching and yawning
And let the world
Go drifting by
I wanna peep
Through the deep
Tangled wide world
Counting sheep
Till I sleep
Like a child would
With a great big
valise full
Of books to read
Where it's peaceful
While I'm
Killin' time
Being lazy
Wrong number.
Wrong number.
Oh, Sam,
you're sweet.
Aah!
Lew, I did
that lyric over.
You want to look at it?
Oh, thanks, Charlie.
That boy and girl are
just what Vicky needed.
They make her look great.
Yeah, they sure do.
You know something, Lew?
I think I'm gonna
marry that girl.
You what?
Don't get nervous.
I mean
the little Donahue.
Oh.
With a great big
Valise full
Of books to read
Where it's peaceful
While I'm
Killin' time
Being
Lazy
That's fine, kids.
Very good. Keep it that way.
Let's go to lunch.
OK, kids, that's it.
Lunch, everybody.
Back at 2:00 sharp.
I'm starved.
I'll get my coat
and be with you
in two minutes.
All right.
Tim, toward the finish
where I slide over
the end of the couch,
am I too close to you?
Can the bee get too close
to the honey?
Come on.
Let's go to lunch.
Vicky, I have lunch
sent upstairs for us.
I think that'll
be less tiring for you.
We can't take
any chances
with our star,
you know?
Can I have
a rain check, Tim?
Maybe tomorrow, huh?
That dance looked great.
Nice work, boy.
Boy, you can
take me to lunch.
Come on.
Oh, by the way,
I fixed it.
We've got Friday off.
Yeah? Where are we going?
To church.
Steve is being ordained.
How could you
forget that?
Honestly, Tim,
don't you think
about anything these days
but Vicky Parker?
No.
Charlie: Miss Donahue.
Oh, hello.
Excuse me.
I was just wondering
if you were free
for lunch.
Well, um...
Oh, don't worry
about me, Sis.
Of course,
I'm not sincere,
but would you
like to join us?
Well, thanks,
but I'll send out
for a sandwich.
You go ahead.
Be sure and eat, now.
You really looked like you
were enjoying that number.
Katy: I love it.
But when I got up
to the altar,
I was real scared.
The ordaining was
so beautiful, Steve.
Father Donahue.
Hey, you know where
your parish will be?
I haven't been
assigned yet.
You make sure they give
you a good booking, son.
Don't let them put you
out in the sticks.
Oh, Charlie,
I'm sorry.
Steve, you haven't
met Charlie Gibbs.
Charlie, may I present
Father Steven Donahue?
Glad to meet you,
Charlie.
Congratulations,
Father.
Thank you.
Look, I know
this is family,
and I kind of hate
to butt in,
but I was wondering
if you'd have any time
in the near future
to perform a small
wedding ceremony.
A wedding ceremony?
That's right.
Who are you
gonna marry, Charlie?
You.
What is this?
When did
all this happen?
It's the first
I've heard of it.
It's the first I've
heard of it, too. Charlie.
Well, it looks like it's
my turn to congratulate you.
I'll be happy
to perform the ceremony.
Thanks, Father.
Wherever you are,
whenever you're ready,
just give me a call.
Have black suit,
will travel.
I think I oughta
congratulate him, too.
I'm gonna give
the bride away.
Vicky: Tim?
Yeah. Ready?
I have the evening
all planned.
Dinner at Shambor.
Pheasant under glass,
broccoli hollandaise.
Not for me.
I'm a simple girl
with simple tastes.
2-inch-thick steaks,
French fries,
and a big salad.
Then steak it'll be.
Hitch on.
Nellie, what is that?
That's not for me.
Well, yes, Miss Parker.
It's the first dress
you wear.
But I understood
it was out.
Well, I don't know.
Mr. Harris put it through.
He wants to see it
in his office right now.
Then I have to see him
right now. Thanks, Millie.
Hey, Vicky.
Steak, French fries,
you and me, remember?
You go ahead, Tim.
I thought
I'd convinced Lew
this dress
is wrong for me,
but I guess I'll have
to persuade him again.
It won't take long.
I'll join you
at the restaurant.
I'll give you
exactly 20 minutes.
I'll be there just
as soon as I can.
I promise.
All right, honey,
but don't be long, huh?
I won't.
Night, Kelly.
Good night.
I still can't see
anything wrong
with it.
Lew, it's my first entrance.
I have to make
an impression,
and this dress
won't do it.
This shade of purple
is wrong for me.
The color is heliotrope.
Heliotrope, hydrangea,
petunia,
whatever you call it,
it's still the wrong shade
of purple for me.
Hey, kids,
simmer down.
For two solid hours,
I haven't been
a producer.
I've been a referee.
Lew, it's as simple
as this:
Do you want me
to look right in this show?
Everyone else thinks
it looks wonderful.
She doesn't like it
because it's classic.
In color, in line,
in everything,
it's different.
It's different, all right.
Different from anything
I'm going to wear.
Let's be practical.
The dress cost $1,400,
and that's not heliotrope.
Yes?
Oh. Just a minute.
Did you have a date
with young Donahue?
Poor Tim.
What time is it?
Oh, no.
Hello, Tim.
I'm terribly sorry.
It's taking longer
than I thought.
Yes, I know, but...
Look, why don't you
start your dinner?
I won't be long.
I will. Bye.
- Now...
- Oh, now...
4th round,
coming up.
Oh, this whole argument's
ridiculous.
Are we alive,
or are we dead?
Just as I thought. Dead.
Well, as long
as we're not on the air,
I can speak freely.
The time is now...
12:31 A.M.
It's tomorrow morning.
First the news.
The news is all bad,
so we'll skip it.
Instead, we'll bring you
the musical portion
of our program.
I would like
to dedicate this number
to a little girl who's
about to become a big star
because she knows
exactly where she's going
and who she's
going there with.
With whom
she's going there...
with?
Anyway, I dedicate
this next number to her
and to me, too, because...
I ain't goin' there
with her.
Well, hello,
Miss Vicky Parker.
I'm terribly sorry, Tim.
Speak up.
I had no idea Geoffrey
was going to be there
and that we would get
into such a big hassle.
Oh, Geoffrey
was there, too?
Well, well...
Geoffrey!
Geoffrey. Geoffrey.
Here, Geoffrey.
I don't see him.
Do you see him?
However, just because
I can't see him
doesn't mean
he wasn't there.
Of course, I can't
see anything. No.
Things can be right
in front of my nose,
and I can't see them.
What things?
You want me
to spell it out for you?
No.
Maybe it's crazy to try and
explain anything to you
the way you are now,
but, Tim,
try to understand,
to you, this is
just another show.
You're part
of this business.
You were born to it.
You never had
to pound on doors
to get people
to listen to you.
Your family did it all.
It's different with me.
I've been on my own
since I was 15.
This show is
my big chance.
It's make or break.
Don't worry, honey.
You'll make it.
You've got what it takes,
and you know
how to use it.
I don't have to take
that from you, Tim.
Why should I?
I don't owe you a thing.
That's right.
You don't.
You only owe Lew Harris.
You owe him everything.
And let it not be said
that you're a girl
who welches on her debts.
Get out.
Get out of here!
Did you send
the flowers?
Molly, for the 40th time,
yes, I sent the flowers.
The florist said they'd
be at the theater by 7:30.
And what about
the reservation
at 21 for after the show?
Yes, I made it, Molly.
Now, will you calm down?
You'd think it was
our opening night.
I wish it was.
Those poor kids.
Oh, just another show.
They'll be great.
Hello.
Hello?
Katy?
What's the matter,
honey?
You sound
like you're crying.
What? No. Where?
Well, is he hurt bad?
Who? Who's hurt?
Was there anybody
with him?
Oh, I see.
Is it Tim?
Yes, but he's
not hurt bad.
He's just banged up
a little.
Look, Katy, I'm gonna
go right out there.
What hospital
did you say?
Yeah, I got that.
Uh-huh.
Now, look, honey...
Now, you stop crying
and get hold
of yourself,
and I'll send Mother
down to the theater
right away.
Yes, I'm leaving
this minute. Right.
All right, honey.
Good-bye.
What is it?
What happened?
He was with one
of the chorus girls,
and the car
turned over.
Katy said
he'd been drinking
up in White Plains
somewhere.
Are you sure
he's not badly hurt?
Katy said no.
What about the show tonight?
Why would Tim...
Now, look, you get a cab
right away, will ya?
Go to the theater.
Katy needs you.
Will you call me
the minute you see him?
Yes, I will,
and don't worry.
Taxi. Taxi.
We'll just have to
cut it, that's all.
But you can't cut
that number, Lew.
That's Katy's best spot
in the show.
But, Mom, the understudy
can't do it like Tim.
Wouldn't mean a thing.
He can get away
with some
of the routines,
but not that number.
I don't know.
Maybe
the best thing to do
would be
to postpone.
Lew, why don't I
do it with her?
You?
Sure. I've been rehearsing
with her every night.
I know it backwards.
Oh, Molly, that's crazy.
I'm telling you,
it'll work.
I'll have to fake
the dancing,
but I've been getting away
with that for years.
You think you can
go out there cold
and sell that number
with Katy?
No, I'm just talking.
Of course I could.
Why not, Lew? Why not?
OK, Molly.
You're on.
You're hired.
Get the wardrobe
mistress up here.
Charlie, take them
to the green room.
I'll send
the orchestra leader
right down.
Me and my big mouth.
All right, everybody,
what are you standing
around here for?
Let's go. We've got
a show to do.
I'm an old salt
I'm a young salt
In the navy
We've been working
very hard
I was part
of that flotilla
With Dewey in Manila
I'm a new recruit
At the Brooklyn
Navy Yard
Tonight we're on a spree
and feeling flowery
We've got a date with gals
and drinks and food
Across
the Brooklyn Bridge
Into the bowery
And I'm gonna get
the kid tattooed
Tattooed?
Tattooed.
A sailor's
not a sailor
Till a sailor's been
Tattooed
Here's an anchor
From a tanker
That I sailed upon
When first
I went to sea
Here's another
Of my mother
Takes me back to when
I sat upon her knee
Here's a crimson heart
With a cupid's dart
Here's a battle cruiser
And when
I sit down
On that, too
There's a tattoo
Of my hometown
To the bowery
Cross the Brooklyn Bridge
And I'm just
in the mood
He'll be filled
with different mixtures
And covered up
with pictures
I can't wait to be
It'll be great
to be tattooed
Tattooed
A sailor's not a sailor
Till a sailor's been
Ta-a-a-ttooed
Tattooed
A sailor's not a sailor
Till a sailor's
been tattooed
Oh, a sailor's
not a sailor
Till a sailor's
been tattooed
Tattoo, tattoo
A sailor's not a sailor
Till he's been tattooed
Tattooed
A sailor's not a sailor
Till a sailor's been
Tattooed
Hiya, Pop.
How's the girl?
She's all right,
I guess. Uh...
they had to take
a couple of stitches,
but the doctor said
none of them would show.
How 'bout you?
I'm all right.
They, uh...
took a couple
of X-rays,
just want me
to stay overnight
for observation.
All right, let's have it.
What happened?
Didn't they
tell you downstairs?
Yeah, they told me downstairs.
I'd like to hear it from you.
OK, I was drunk.
I was loaded.
The girl didn't like
the way I was driving,
so she took the wheel,
and I passed out.
Next thing I knew,
we were in a ditch,
the car rolled over
a couple of times,
and, uh... well, that's
about the whole story.
Well, if you think
that's the whole story,
you got even
less sense than...
You know, I thought
you were just a kid
who got out of line
a few times.
But you're not a kid anymore.
You know the score.
Have you any idea
what you pulled tonight?
What do you mean,
it's opening night,
the show must go on,
that routine?
No, no. They'll get
the show on without you.
You're not that important.
You didn't hurt anybody
tonight but yourself.
All right. So I had
the chance of a lifetime,
and I blew it, so what?
What's got into you?
Who do you think you are?
I'll tell you what you are.
You're nothing, because
you've made yourself nothing,
you conceited little punk.
I wouldn't care if I
never saw you again.
Oh, come on now, Pop.
I heard there's a big
crop of corn this year,
- but...
- What?
Corn. H-A-M. Corn.
Did you put in
a clean shirt?
Yeah. I got
everything he needs.
Now, remember, when we
get to the hospital,
you promised me not
to be tough with him.
He's just no good,
Mother.
You should've
heard him last night.
But it's not all his fault.
I found out a lot
of things last night.
That Parker girl's been
giving him a rough time.
I knew she was
no good for him.
You can blame the girl,
but everybody else blames him.
Are you gonna tell him
that they want you
to stay in the show?
Sure. It'll only
be a few days.
It's down here.
Oh.
Can I help you?
I'm Mr. Donahue.
My son is in 4...
Oh! I...
Is there
something wrong?
Your son isn't here.
He seems to have picked
himself up last night
and walked out.
He left this note
for you.
Thank you.
"Dear folks,
"I'm sorry I gave you
such a bad time.
"I think Pop was right.
"You'll all be
better off without me.
"See you around
sometime.
"Don't worry.
Love, Tim."
Molly:
"Don't worry." Ha.
That's a laugh.
You start worrying
about your kids
the day they're born,
and you never stop.
Even after they bury you,
I bet you never stop.
Of course
we did everything
we possibly could
to find him.
Went to the police.
Checked booking offices,
in case he tried to work.
Even hired detectives
of our own.
Once, later on,
we heard he was working
under a different name
with a trio down
in Greenwich Village.
Oh, Marie
Time for sleepin'
is done
The dawn is breaking
Take a peek
at that sun
Sweet Marie
Better open
your eyes
You'll soon be awake
Now's the time
to arise
Oh, Marie
Both:
My broken heart
My heart is
All:
Aching for you
For you
My sweet
Ma-Ma-Marie
Every place
you went those days,
you saw more
and more uniforms.
Half the world
was fighting already,
and the other half was
rehearsing to get into it.
Even Steve had applied
to go over as a chaplain.
Better wait under here,
Miss Parker.
I'll only be a minute.
Thanks, Kelly.
Oh, uh... Kelly's
getting me a cab.
May I drop you
someplace?
No, thank you.
I just thought it would
give us a chance to...
Oh, that's quite all right.
There are plenty of cabs.
I'll find one.
All ready?
I changed my mind,
Molly. I'm not going.
Aw, come on, Terry.
You can drop me off
at the theater
and then go over
The Lamb's Club
and have a few laughs.
And then I'll pick you up
after the show.
We can take in
a midnight movie, hmm?
Thanks, Molly.
I'm just not up to it.
OK.
See you later.
Oh, uh, Terry,
I came across
some old arrangements,
the stuff we used to do
with the kids.
Let's go over them
tomorrow, huh?
What for?
Well, the actor's fund's
having a benefit
on the 19th.
I told you about it.
They're tearing down
the Hippodrome,
and they're trying
to get together
some of the old acts
that played there.
I'm a pretty old act.
Maybe they better
tear me down, too.
But they want us
to be in the show.
You're kiddin', Molly.
You know I couldn't
go out on a stage.
I haven't done
an act since...
Oh, Terry will you stop
talking this way?
It's not gonna help anything.
What are you gonna do,
spend the rest of your life
moping around like this,
blaming yourself?
Look, I miss him, too.
Every day. Every minute.
But at least I keep goin'.
How do you think I feel
goin' on every night,
working with that girl?
Oh, Molly.
Come on, you're going
into town with me.
Why? So we can
walk down Broadway,
and you can look
into the face
of every young kid
that goes by?
Terry, please.
Oh, Molly,
for Pete's sake,
will you stop
nagging me?
I said I'm not going,
and I'm not.
And that benefit
on the 19th,
just figure
to play it yourself
because I won't be here.
Why? Where you going?
I'm gonna go find him.
Where? How do you know
where to look?
I don't. But I can't
sit around here
any longer, Molly.
I got to do
something. I...
Terry, I'll be late
if I don't go now.
Promise me you won't
do anything crazy.
We can talk about it
when I get home.
I'll be early. I'll skip
the curtain call, OK?
Sure, Molly.
I'll grab him
by the collar
And I'll holler
- Ala
- Bam'
Hi.
Well, hello,
Molly darling.
Bobby!
Hello, Molly! Heh heh!
- Oh, Mrs. Donahue.
- Yes?
You and your daughter
are in, uh, 12-A.
Up these stairs
to your left.
Thanks.
I'll hang your dress up
back here.
Thanks, Katy.
Now, look,
when she gets here,
let me get things started.
I know how to handle her.
OK. But you know
how many times
I've tried
at the theater.
She just won't
listen to me.
Oh, hi, Mom.
Come on in.
Here, I'll take that.
It's a little crowded
in here, isn't it?
No. You'll have
loads of room.
I've moved upstairs.
You and Vicky
are sharing.
Oh, are we?
Well, if it's all
the same to you,
I'll dress in the powder room
or someplace.
You'll do nothing
of the kind.
I told you
it wouldn't work.
It'll work.
It'll work.
Probably won't,
but I'm curious.
What is it?
Mom, I think you
owe Vicky an apology.
What?
This isn't my idea,
Mrs. Donahue.
No, it isn't.
It's mine.
I think it's high time
you two got things
straightened out.
Ooh, so that's the plot.
Apparently, my daughter...
You are my daughter,
aren't you, Mrs. Gibbs?
I think so.
Apparently,
my daughter has the idea
that you and I
ought to be friends.
Do you mind if I ask her
what she thinks
we have in common?
It's very simple.
You both love Tim.
Oh, I see.
Aren't you a little late?
I might be.
I hope not.
Mom, I'm crazy
about you, but...
but you're stubborn,
and you're awfully tough.
You can't go on
blaming Vicky.
It was really Tim's fault.
He did this whole thing
to himself.
I was around. I saw it.
You've gotta hear
her side of it.
I'm getting out of here.
The doctor said
I shouldn't get excited,
and I'm all worked up.
Be a little easy,
will you, Mom?
Maybe I am tough and
stubborn, Miss Parker,
but from where I sit,
it's pretty hard to believe
that you're really
in love with Tim.
I don't know how
to convince you,
but it's true.
Then fit Lew Harris
into this pretty picture,
will you?
Lew did everything for me.
You know that.
Maybe he did
have some ideas.
It doesn't mean
that I shared them.
There was never anyone
for me but Tim.
Too bad you didn't
let him know.
I tried to,
Mrs. Donahue,
but he was
pretty stubborn, too.
Come in.
Steve! Steve!
Mom!
Oh, it's so good
to see you!
You look wonderful,
Father Donahue!
Thin, but wonderful.
Oh, excuse me.
This is Tim's brother
Father Donahue.
Steve, Vicky Parker.
How do you do,
Miss Parker?
I'm glad
to know you, Father.
Tim used to talk
about you a lot.
He was very proud
of you.
Thank you. He talked
a lot about you, too.
That's nice.
Well, if you'll
excuse me,
I'll find out where
they have me spotted
in the show.
Oh, Vicky.
Will you do me a favor?
If you see Katy,
tell her that her mother
isn't stubborn.
It might take her
two or three years
to change her mind,
but she's not stubborn.
Thanks, Mrs. Donahue.
See you later.
So that's the girl?
Yeah. Nice girl, too.
Your mom was
wrong again. Ha.
Why didn't you let us
know you were coming?
Mom, I didn't know
myself.
The whole regiment
was just handed
a 24-hour pass.
Now, I knew
by the papers
that you're doing
a show here, so...
A 24-hour pass?
Does that mean that...
It means a 24-hour pass.
Don't you double-talk me,
Steve Donahue.
Mom, I'm not supposed
to say any more.
Besides, I don't know
any more.
Say, shouldn't you
be getting ready?
Oh, I'm all made up.
Just have
to put my dress on.
Only be a minute.
Is, uh...
Pop back?
No.
How did you know?
Katy wrote me.
I wish
there was some way
we could help him.
Yeah. Did, uh,
Katy also write you
that you're
gonna be an uncle?
Yeah. Isn't that great?
She booked me
for the christening.
At least she and Charlie
are happy.
Any news about Tim?
Not a word.
It's over a year, Steve.
Even the detectives
have given up.
I still believe
he'll be back, Mom.
I'm not so sure.
Sometimes I think we'll...
never see him again.
Mom...
don't lose faith.
I don't always
think that, Steve.
Just sometimes.
Man: You're on next,
Mrs. Donahue. Five minutes.
Be right with you.
You wanna watch
from the wings?
Yeah. That'll be great.
OK, I'll fix it.
There's no business
like show business
Like no business I know
Everything about it
is appealing
Everything the traffic
will allow
Nowhere could you get
that happy feeling
When you are stealing
that extra bow
There's no people
like show people
They smile
when they are low
Yesterday they told you
you would not go far
That night you open
And there you are
Next day,
on your dressing room
They've hung a star
Let's go
on with the show
The costumes,
the scenery
The makeup, the props
The audience that lifts you
when you're down
The headaches,
the heartaches
The backaches, the flops
The sheriff who escorts you
out of town
The opening
when your heart beats
Like a drum
The closing
When the customers
don't come
There's
No business
like show business
Like no business I know
You get word
before the show has started
That your favorite uncle
died at dawn
On top of that,
your pa and ma have parted
You're brokenhearted
But you go on
There's no people
like show people
They smile
when they are low
Mom.
Even with a turkey
That you know will fold
You may be stranded
out in the cold
Still you wouldn't
change it
For a sack of gold
Let's go
on with the show
Let's go
On with the
Show
Tim!
Darling!
Oh, why did you
do it, Tim, why?
Well, I had to, Mom.
I had to work things
out for myself.
Oh!
Where's Pop?
Oh, he's... he's...
Here, son.
Terry!
Hello, Pop.
Oh, Tim.
Oh, Terry!
Hi, Molly.
Will you look
at the woman?
You'd think I was the
one who'd been lost.
Please, Mrs. Donahue.
We're dead out there.
You're supposed to lead us
into the big number.
Oh, yes. I'm sorry.
I'll be right with you.
Somebody give me
their handkerchief.
Here. I got one.
All right, now,
you all hold it.
I'll take care of this.
Just stand back.
Ladies and gentlemen,
first I want to thank you
for being so patient.
My wife got
just a little excited.
You see, the last time
we played
this wonderful old theater
was the last time
that The Five Donahues
appeared together
as an act.
Well, after that,
lots of things happened, and...
well, that's just the way
it was until...
just now, backstage
when The Five Donahues
got together again.
And because we're
kind of sentimental
about this old theater,
we'd like to do
a little bit of
Alexander's
Ragtime Band,
the number we did
when we played here.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
The Five Donahues.
Come on and hear,
come on and hear
Alexander's
Ragtime Band
Come on and hear,
come on and hear
It's the best band
in the land
And if you care
to hear the Swanee River
Played in ragtime
Come on and hear,
come on and hear
Alexander's Ragtime
That raggy beat,
gets in your feet
Come on and meet
Alexander's
Ragtime Band
There's no business
like show business
There's no business
That's half so thrilling
The cowboys, the tumblers,
the wrestlers, the clowns
The roustabouts
that move the show at dawn
The music, the spotlights,
the people, the towns
The thrill of that applause
when you go on
You're standing out in front
on opening nights
And there's your billing
right up there in lights
There's no people
like show people
They smile
when they are low
Even with a turkey
that you know will fold
You may be stranded
out in the cold
Still you wouldn't
change it
For a sack of gold
You go on with the show
There's no business
like show business
Like no business I know
Everything about it
is appealing
Everything the traffic
will allow
Nowhere can you get
that happy feeling
When you are stealing
that extra bow
There's no people
like show people
They smile
when they are low
Yesterday they told you
you would not go far
That night you open,
and there you are
Next day,
on your dressing room
They've hung a star
Let's go
on with the show
Let's go
On with the
No business
like show business
Let's go, go
on with the show