There's Only One Jimmy Grimble (2000) Movie Script
(The Charlatans: The Only One I Know)
The only one I know
Has come to take me away
The only one I know
Is mine when she stitches me
The only one I see
- Has found an aching in me
- The only one I see
- Football. Football. Football. Football.
- Has turned her tongue into me
- Football. Football. Football. Football.
Football. Football. Football.
DJ.
Football. Racing driver.
Football. Football.
Football!
There's just one tiny, little problem.
If anyone's watching,
me game just falls apart.
I play like a right muppet.
"Performance anxiety",
it says in this book.
Something not right
with me motor neurones.
I just call it cacking me pants.
I'm a tiger.
I'm a serial killer.
I'm Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon.
I'm a terminator.
I'm... I'm...
I'm nobody.
Everyone
Has been burned before
Everybody knows the pain...
Jimmy!
Hey, Jimmy, come and have a look at this.
Hey! Look!
All right, there, kid?
This is me new friend, Johnny.
Johnny, this is our Jimmy.
Mam. With a new boyfriend.
A nugget. A total golden nugget.
Tell me you don't fancy him.
Tell me. You bloody hate bikes.
- So what do you think?
- You hate bikes.
I never said that.
I didn't.
Genuine article, this. Harley-Davidson.
Eight grand that'd cost you. Customised.
Jimmy's into football.
Me, too!
Look out, Jamie! Man on!
- Johnny! Careful.
Golazzo!
- What?
- Johnny, he's only a kid.
He's all right.
You're all right, aren't you, Jamie?
Sorry, love. Don't know me own strength.
I could teach him some kung fu.
Take him down the dojo.
Make him into a right little hard nut.
You'd like that, wouldn't you? Eh?
Cobra, eh?
The tiger.
All right. How about this one, then?
Orangutan.
Oo-oo-oo!
- Oo-oo-oo!
- How 'bout that cup of tea you promised?
- Oh, yeah.
We're going inside, love, for a cup of tea,
all right?
You'll want to carry on playing
for a bit, won't you, Jamie?
Do you want your ball?
Nice shot.
Now, then.
That's it. Your chakra is just here, right?
Can you feel it?
- I think I can.
- Oh, it's very tense.
I think you've got a bit of energy
needs releasing.
Jimmy. Come on in, love.
Johnny's just, erm...
- He's just leaving.
- Eh? Am I?
Oh, yeah, right. I get you.
- I'll see you later, then.
- Yeah.
He's a nice bloke. He makes me laugh.
Give us an 'ug.
That's better.
Hey! What's all that w... Ohh!
Oh, no, that's not a Night Rider, is it?
Ohhh!
Danny! Wait up, Danny.
Being a City fan
in the heart of a Man U jungle...
... puts me on the endangered species list
here at Greenock High School.
United!
Meet Psycho, class-A nutter.
No problem with his motor neurones.
Gordon Burley. Gorgeous Gordon Burley.
That's what all the girls call him.
I call him whatever it takes
to avoid a good kicking.
Filthy!
Look at him.
- All right, Wirral. How you doing, mate?
- Fine, thanks.
That's not what we heard.
Dad says governors have got
their eye out for another PE teacher.
- You're finished.
- Yeah, you have a nice day, Mr Wirral.
Remember, smile
and the whole world smiles with you.
But fart and you're on your own.
So who's the new girl?
Kind of weird-looking,
but kind of amazing, too.
Whoa! She's smiling at me!
My day is complete.
Jimmy Grimble. What a nice surprise.
Missed you on the way in.
How you doing, City boy?
- A lot better without a kicking from you.
- Get him!
(Freestylers: Feel The Panic)
Pow, pow! Feel the panic, feel the panic
Feel the panic
Pow, pow! Feel the panic
Pow, pow! Feel the panic, feel the panic
Feel the panic
Pow, pow! Feel the panic
Feel the panic
There's no way out now.
All right, Grimble?
Well, well.
Feel the panic
Bag looks it could do with a wash, mate.
Get him! Get him!
Look! That's it.
Look!
How d'you like that, eh, Grimble?
Muppet! See you next time.
- You muppet!
- Blue, eh?
- Er, yeah.
Well, if your motor neurones
are all cocked up like mine...
... you've gotta reduce the odds a bit,
haven't you?
Bingo. Nobody here,
just me and the goalpost.
Oh, except The Cat, of course.
The Cat: Casper Higgins.
Fastest pair of hands in Manchester...
... especially if there's a wallet
lying around.
Elvis. Midfielder...
... and 40-a-day smoker.
A man in total control!
You little shite. Try anything like that
with that notice again...
...and you are...
- Look out. Wirral.
You'll be dead.
- Later, Grimble.
- Right, six-a-side.
Six-a-side? I'm on the bloody team.
You don't have to be Einstein
to work that one out.
Well, sub at least. And that's worth
getting a faceful of gob any day.
Are we ever gonna get
this sports centre built?
More events. An autumn fair, perhaps.
We raised almost 2,000 at the last one.
- Rather more than that, I'm afraid.
- How much?
- 90,000.
Hey!
I've started ringing round,
but angels are hard to find.
Hello! What's the matter wi...
Who's in there?
Hello!
What do you want? I'm in a meeting.
See? Empty.
Bloody empty.
Aglow with trophies that was in my day.
You know, aglow with trophies.
We won the Manchester Schools Cup.
Well, we nearly won it,
didn't we, Sniveller?
Manchester Schools Cup, lost in the final.
But it got me a trial with Crewe Alex.
Crewe Alex-bloody-andra.
- This afternoon, Sniveller phones me up.
- Will you stop?
"What's one of those rubbish trucks
of yours cost?" he says.
I said "I don't know, why? About 100,000.
What do you want to know for?"
And what do you say?
What? Well, I say "Perhaps you can renew
one less this year."
Bloody funny, eh? Bloody funny!
But it got me thinking.
How do I run my business? Eh?
How do I keep these lads of mine
shovelling shite all day?
Carrot.
Carrot, stick, carrot, stick, carrots.
So here's a bloody big carrot for you.
Get to the finals of the Schools Cup and
I won't just give you a few thousand...
...l'll give you the lot.
The whole bloody lot.
90 grand. How's that?
So, er... what's the stick?
There is no stick.
The downer about Gorgeous
is that the plonker can play football.
He really, really can.
Come on, come on.
I'm Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon,
I'm a terminator, I'm... I'm...
...I'm dead.
- Yes!
- Disallowed.
Piss off, Wirral,
there's nothing wrong with that goal.
- What did you say?
- You heard.
Anyway, what are we all playing
poxy six-a-side for?
There's only twelve of us.
We're all on the team, aren't we?
Not all of you. And I'm not having players
with your sort of attitude.
Right, I'm sending you off.
Get off the pitch.
- Make me.
- Get off the pitch!
- Make me!
- Do you wanna go to the headmaster?
- Do you?
- Not bothered, Wirral.
Right.
- Wazzock.
- Shut it, Grimble.
- I didn't say anything.
It was worth it in the end,
weren't it, Burley, eh?
You did what?!
I bloody told him,
stood up to the little bastard.
I said "You, you are not on my team."
And you know what? It felt really good.
- What?
What?
Back on the team, me. Cheers, sir.
The new Michael Owen, this, you know.
The new Owen.
You've not got kids, have you?
Good night, Sniveller.
What do you want for your tea, Son?
We'll get something on the way home.
He is our best player. We've all got
to be practical these days, Eric.
Shades of grey.
So, who are we up against first round?
- Wreckingham.
- Wreckingham? Walk in the park.
More of a run in the park
with Rottweilers.
Blue moon, you saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
- Blue...
- What's your name?
- Jimmy.
- Jimmy what?
- Jimmy Grimble.
Nice underwear, Jimmy.
That's a good look.
No, 4D. Not B. D.
D for...
...friggin' disaster.
- Mam, guess what!
- ... disaster from here.
- Mam!
- Oi, you listening, Donna?
- I told you ten minutes five minutes ago.
- Jimmy! Buddy. Great to see you, kid.
Listen, your mam's gonna help us out
on the night shift.
Yeah. You go on home, love.
So, er... go and get yourself
some chips, eh?
- It's 1.50 with a drink.
Piss off.
- I just wanted to...
- No, I told you.
I've just said you're at the bottom
of the road, so you'd better hurry up.
OK, I'm going!
Then I'll sign off for half an hour, all right?
All right.
- You all right?
- Oh, yeah.
- Night Owl.
- Grimble! Excellent!
- Yeah, I fancy a piss.
- Get here!
- Go on, get him, Gordon!
Don't let him get away!
Keep hold of him!
Get him!
Where is he?
Where is he?
- In here! Come on.
- He's here, back here.
Getting away, come on!
He's getting off! He's getting off!
Down here.
Where are you, knobhead?
- Come on.
- Jimmy! Jimmy!
Come out! Come out, wherever you are.
Psycho, come here.
Look at this.
- Jimmy, I know you're here somewhere.
I'd best be off, but thanks for your help.
I've been thinking.
You're the one
that's been playing outside, aren't you?
Right little wizard with the ball.
- Sometimes.
- Only sometimes?
I've been reading this book.
It's me motor neurones, they're too active.
Oh.
That's it, is it?
You'd better have those.
It's all right, I've got a pair, thanks.
Not like those.
Those are special.
How's that, then?
Are they magic or something?
Magic?
Magic boots? Brilliant.
Just what I need.
I just wanted to know
you were both all right, that's all.
Well, I am all right.
Harry. Me mam's ex-fella.
Blue moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart...
Works in removals.
He certainly took me mam's heart away.
Without a love of my own
He's got that kind of smile
that can get anyone to do anything...
...even support Man City.
- Blue moon...
- Programme! Official programme!
- Hiya, Bob.
Who's that? Harry? There you go, mate.
- No, I'm gonna need two today.
- Oh. There you go, mate.
Cheers. You know, Bob here
hasn't missed a game in 40 years.
And never seen 'em score yet!
- Adis.
- Programme!
And there suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will ever hold
I heard somebody whisper
"Please adore me"
And when I looked
the moon had turned to gold
- Blue moon
- I think blue's gonna be your colour.
- You caught me standing alone
- Go on.
Look, I won't tell her you asked for it.
- Without a dream in my heart...
- I'll tell her you begged for it!
He cared about me and me mam.
He really did.
There was only one problem.
Now I'm no longer alone...
He was already married.
Kath.
- Bastard!
- Without a love of my own
We're fine, so you can go on back
to your wife, can't you?
Donna...
You've not found someone else,
have you?
What if I have? You're not jealous, Harry?
No.
Jimmy. All right, kid?
What a season, eh?
- You been going much?
- No. I'm late.
Jimmy...
Yeah?
Just that...
Nothing, just...
Just sorry again or something?
No...
Ooh, it's the vampire.
Heard we got a vampire moved in.
You are a vampire, aren't you?
Me? No, I'm a pugilist.
Oh, yeah? What's a pugilist do?
Fly around biting people?
No. I suppose I could show you
if you want.
Oh, yeah? Go on, then.
Argh!
Do you want some as well?
I'm in love.
In love with a... pugilist.
I don't even know what one is.
Look who it is. Look who it is.
Here we go. First round: Wreckingham.
Sub: J Grimble.
Something Gordon doesn't look
too chuffed about.
Sub, eh, Grimble?
Have him!
What's up, Grimble?
- Let's have a look what's in here, then.
- Oh, get off!
- Oh, not me boots.
- Nice boots, Jimmy.
You know what I say about boots.
No boots... no glory.
What a shot!
Lift your lip off the floor, Grimble.
- 'Bout time.
- Get out me way.
- All set? I'll come along after my meeting.
- Right, Sniveller.
- Where we off to, the Duke of York?
- Ken! Not in front of the lads.
Oh, right, sorry. It's all right, lads,
we go back a long way, me and Sniveller.
Yes!
Lee, come on.
Get off seven seats, you fat slob.
- Where's Jimmy?
- Ah, that's a major tragedy, that is, sir.
Poor kid lost his boots.
- Come on, Eric, what's the hold-up?
- No sub.
- No sub.
- So you play short, don't you?
Keep the team on its toes.
That's something I learnt at Crewe.
Yeah. We've got a real pro here, Eric.
No sub against Wreckingham, eh?
Absolutely fine!
- It's Grimble.
It's Grimble, lads.
Sad bastard.
- Where'd you get these, Jim? A skip?
- Yeah. Now can I have 'em back?
- Look at the state of them.
- They're antique!
- Oh! Bloody boots pissed on me!
Grimble!
What are you smiling at?
Grimble, Freddy Krueger has nightmares
about your mam.
Wreckingham, lads.
- Oh, Manchester
- Oh, Manchester
- Is wonderful
- Is wonderful
Oh, Manchester is wonderful
It's full of chips, pies and gravy
Oh, Manchester is wonderful
Put it out.
- Just put it out!
- Just finishing it.
Right, er...
Brick, Crane: defence.
Crane, I want you to come up
for free kicks and corners, all right?
Just stretching, sir.
Psycho: sweeper.
- Elvis: striker.
- What?!
- I'm striker round here, mate.
- Ah, come on, I need a Beckham.
Beckham, nah.
- Yorkie, me.
- Guess what? Yorkie's black.
All right, but I'm not being Beckham
all the time cos I've got blond hair.
Anyway, he's a slaphead now.
- Is this a hair clinic or a football team?
Look, I don't mind being Gazza.
Yeah, all right. Gazza in midfield. Sorted.
But whatever, I'm striker. All right?
Trouble with you...
...you've got no bollocks.
- Sort it, lads.
- Come on, lads, let's get Wreckingham!
Wreckingham by name,
Wreckingham by nature.
The sort of place
that makes you happy to be a sub.
Behave!
Go on! Come on, Gorgeous!
- And Gorgeous, well... Oh, yes, goal!
- Yes!
Bang! Bet you're glad you never put me
midfield now, eh, Wirral?
Yes!
Not clever to score against Wreckingham,
Gorgeous.
When two tribes go to war
Point is all that you can score
Score no more, score no more
When two tribes go to war
Point is all that you can score
When two tribes go to war
Point is all that you can score
- You what?!
- Yellow card!
Point is all that you can score
Working for the black gas
Go on, lads, get him!
- Ow, ow, ow
Ow, ow
When two tribes go to war
Point is all that you can score
Score no more, score no more
When two tribes go to war
Point is all that you can score
- Working for the black gas
- Get up! Get up, lad!
Still, 1-0 up at the 'alf...
... and the worst thing that's happened
so far is that I've got a bit chilly.
Good half, lads. Good half.
Right, take it easy now.
Let's have more of the same, eh?
- Ah! Quit!
Hey, is this Gladiators or football?
- You what? Who's ref round here?
- Eh?
Back off, pal.
Let's have you, then.
Come on, let's have you.
All right, you got me. I don't give
a bollocks. Are you happy now?
- Come on, lads.
Second half.
Time for a Wreckingham comeback.
- Head on it!
- Out!
What?
- Ref, ref, you can't do that!
- Rebound off the ref.
- You know the rules, son.
- Ref, you're off your head.
Goal, sir.
Excellent.
Not us. The ref.
Ref!
- Aargh!
- Oooh.
What were that you were saying
about bollocks, son?
Go and get an 'ot bath.
Right... you're on.
- What?
- He's off, you're on.
What a debut.
Jimmy Grimble versus the psychopaths.
Jimmy Grimble, the last line of defence.
Jimmy Grimble...
... cacking his pants.
Ow, ow, ow
Ow, ow
Let's go...
Go on, Jimmy!
Get him!
Get him!
I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead.
Oh, bollocks to it.
Yeeees!
Grimble!
2-1! 2-1!
Missus, you in there? It's me, Jimmy.
You scored, didn't you?
Er... Yeah, I did, actually.
It was like one shot, whack,
right in the back of the net.
From miles off.
- Should've seen it.
- Wish I had.
You'll have to ask me along next time.
Just joking.
I told you you'd be all right in them boots.
Yeah.
Listen...
...there's not really something special
about them is there?
It was somebody who owned 'em,
weren't it?
- Yes.
- He played for someone, didn't he?
He did.
So who did he play for?
City.
Man City?
Never.
What was his name?
Robbie.
Robbie Brewer.
Peter Barnes, Colin Bell...
... Tommy Booth...
All there, but no Robbie Brewer.
All right, Jamie. Give us an 'and.
- You moving in?
- That's right, I'm your new dad.
Keep your mitts off these,
cos they're expensive, right?
You and me, though, best mates, eh?
Is he talking to me or the aftershave?
Heard about these.
Oh. Think I'm a few slices short
wearing them, do you?
No. Takes guts to wear something
as stupid as that.
Thanks.
So, erm... do you like football, then?
No.
- Not even the Premiership?
- No.
- What about the Champions League?
- No.
- You must like the World Cup.
- No!
So what do you like?
Are you sure you wanna know?
Pugilist. You see, that's what
they used to call a boxer.
Died in the ring, he did. He was only 21.
Why d'you come here?
I mean...
...everyone's... dead.
And what?
You can learn all sorts of stuff.
Come on, I'll show you.
He went up like a rocket.
Snapped his neck.
They have whirlwinds here sometimes.
Have you ever thought
how you were gonna go?
I haven't, actually.
- You don't think I'm barking, do you?
- Me? No, of course not.
Anyway... I'm the one
with the magic boots.
Bet you didn't like stepping on the cracks
when you were little.
Still don't.
So... these boots.
Who did they belong to?
Robbie Brewer. I'm trying to find him.
Robbie Brewer?
I know Robbie Brewer.
- Here you are, Robbie Brewer.
- No, that can't be him.
This Robbie Brewer,
he used to play for City.
He played for City?
Well, what did they say up the ground?
Of course! I'm an idiot, aren't I?
- What are you doing today?
- Gonna watch Star Trek, aren't I?
- The Klingons get it up the arse big style.
- Not you.
- I need to go up to Maine Road.
- What, see them losers play?
Yes. And you can take him.
- Me?
- Yeah, yeah.
Oh, right. Is that that 50?
- See you.
- City!
Ow!
Come on, you blues!
- Fancy a bevvy?
- We'll be late.
Just a quick one.
- But I need to ask something at the shop.
- Do you want a Coke?
In your own time, please, love.
- Aargh!
- I'll take that.
And if I don't have the rest by next week,
I'll be round for the bike.
- So why didn't you kung-fu him?
- Well, couldn't, could I?
I would've killed him.
Have you got any more money, then?
Come on.
Joe Royle's blue and white army!
Programme!
Official programme!
- Hiya, Bob.
- Harry. Hey, two today?
No, just the one. See you.
Programme!
- Eric?
Eric?
Round two, we're playing Northmoor.
- Northmoor.
- Won the cup a few times, haven't they?
- Yeah, seven.
- Bit like playing Brazil, then, is it?
Yeah.
Come on, Eric.
You are thinking walls, aren't you?
Bars, actually.
Jimmy. Did you find that Robbie Brewer?
No, but I was thinking about
going down Maine Road now...
...you know, see what I can find out.
- Oh, right.
Erm... Well, I'm not doing anything
if you... if you want me to come.
Sure. Would you? That'd be great.
- Let's go.
- No, let's stay.
All right, Jimmy.
Didn't know you two little muppets
were pulling tongue.
So, that right, Jim? You and the puggle?
Yeah, it is. Innit?
Are you going with her, Jimmy?
You pathetic little rat boy.
Don't ignore me, Jim.
You're too ugly to get a bird.
Look at the state of you.
Eww!
- Got a licence for that, or what?
So that right, Jim?
You two weirds really an item?
Wait till I tell the lads about this one,
Romeo.
So, Jimmy, are you in love, or what?
- No.
- Thought not.
You little muppet.
Excuse me. I'm trying to find out about
someone who used to play for City.
It's not me you wanna be asking.
I just work here.
Man U till I die, me.
Hey! There is a fella. See that house over
there, number 70? Ask him, he'll know.
Thanks.
Jimmy.
Sorry, sir, I must er...
I must have got the wrong house.
Bloke over there said there was
somebody here who knew all about City.
Yeah, there is.
Can I talk to him, please?
You are talking to him.
- Might have a Coke or something.
- Thanks.
So...
...what can I do for you?
Robbie Brewer.
He never did play for City, did he?
Robbie Brewer?
No, never heard of him.
Is that you?
Yeah, it's me.
You're in a City strip.
That's cos I used to play for them.
Them and a couple of others.
Stalybridge Celtic, as it happens.
- You played for City?
- Two years. Striker.
You was a striker?
12 goals in my debut season.
Got an 'at trick against United.
- Not bad, eh?
- Not bad?!
What happened?
Ah, it didn't work out.
- Why didn't you say something at school?
- Nah.
- People would listen to you then.
- "Listen to you then"?
What, you think it's all about
inspiring people, do you?
Well, it's not.
You gotta want to learn.
Kids like Gordon Burley...
...they don't wanna learn, do they?
They don't wanna learn anything.
I get it. So we've all got to suffer
because of him?
It's just like usual, then.
There's more to life than football,
you know?
Oh, what do you want me to say?
That everything else is as good as that?
Course it's not.
Cos the truth is once you've done
something like that...
...it takes the sunlight off everything...
...puts it all in the shade.
Thanks, sir.
Finals for the School Cup,
they're always played there, aren't they?
Yeah.
Don't you want other people
to have what you had?
Second round: Northmoor.
Look at it! What hope
have us bunch of chancers got?
We were gonna be done.
Looks more like a castle than a school.
Right, lads, gather round.
Difficult game today. Good team, this.
Here he is, the next Ryan Giggs.
- You all right, Giggsy?
- All right, Dad.
Difficult game today, lads.
A good team, this one.
Yeah, how about letting Ken
give the pep talk?
He was a pro and we're gonna need all
the help we can get with them walls, eh?
- Sod it.
- Ooooh!
- Eric...
- Somebody pick his dummy up.
- All right, shut your gobs.
- Eric, he's being very generous.
Pin your lugholes back, I'm gonna give
you the benefit of my experience now.
Ken Burley's tactics were simple.
Give it to bloody Gordon!
Give it to bloody Gordon, come on!
To Gordon!
What's the matter with you? Come on!
Give it to Gordon!
Come on!
Come out! Pull out!
What's the matter with you?
Right, come on... Pull up, pull up!
Go on. Go right, Gordon!
Give it him!
Go on, give it to bloody Gordon!
No! Oh, ah...
Don't you listen to anything I tell you?
Right, go on, that's it.
Give it to Gordon!
Come on now, pull up! Get it over!
Oh, son, come on!
What's the matter with you?
Hey, mark up, mark up! Come on!
Come on, son, together. Right!
Oh, don't you listen to anything?
Come on!
You should have give it to Gordon!
I used to play in boots like that.
Keeper for United.
- Ever play City?
- Yeah, once.
Don't try being clever with me.
When I say get rid, get rid!
- Eric Wirral. Remember me?
- I do, yeah.
Pete Drake. You scored a hat trick
against me in '79, remember?
- I remember.
- City's answer to George Best.
- He was as good as it gets, this was.
- Hey! I was a pro, too, you know.
- Oh, yeah?
- Crewe Alex.
- Oh.
So what you doing here, Eric?
Got your kid playing?
- No, er...
- He's our coach.
Oh? Thought he was your coach.
- Not any more.
- Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
(Stone Roses: Waterfall)
Psycho, cover up, son, cover up!
- Chimes sing Sunday morn
- Come on, Gordon!
Today's the day she's sworn
- Nice tackle, son. Nice tackle.
- To steal what she never could own
- And race from this hole she calls home
- To Jimmy! On the wing to Jimmy!
Now you're at the wheel
Tell me how, how does it feel?
- Cross it! Cross it!
- So good to have equalised
To lift up the lids of your eyes
As the miles, they disappear
- Well played, son.
- See land begin to clear
- Free from the filth and the scum
- Well played, Jimmy, son!
This American satellite's won
She'll carry on through it all
She's a waterfall
She'll carry on through it all
She's a waterfall
Take a shot, Jimmy!
- See the steeple pine
- The hills as old as time
- Yes, Jimmy!
Soon to be put to the test
- To be whipped by the winds...
- Hey, Jimmy.
You wouldn't happen to know
why that bloke recognised me, do you?
Nah.
When you beat the Brazil of the North...
... the rest is cruising.
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
We keep getting stronger, stronger
- We keep on getting stronger...
- Rodale.
Pants! They snuck on an extra man
at half-time...
... but we still stuff 'em.
Cricket score.
Seems like we've waited far too long
For some good times to come along
And though it's no-one's fault but ours
It hasn't helped that
they've been dragging us down, too
Gainsborough. Yes! Me first hat trick.
We keep getting stronger, stronger
Saint Luke's.
Saint who?
The Cat lifts the linesman's credit card.
And Psycho gets a red card
for waving his dick at the ref.
I'm getting stronger every day
So here we go,
cruising through to the semis.
And I'd like to make it sound hard,
but with those boots on me feet...
... I just can't miss a thing.
Well, almost nothing.
Well, I just can't wait any longer
I just keep on moving, getting stronger
Look up, look further than tomorrow
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on
getting stronger, stronger...
'Ere, Jimmy, reckon them boots of yours
can get us a shag with Melanie Morrison?
It'd take more than these boots
to get her near an ugly tosser like you.
You feisty little sod!
Oh, smart.
Nice little motor this, isn't it?
May as well try. You know?
Jimmy?
You all right, kid?
All right?
So how do you two know each other,
then?
- We used to play football together.
- He used to be going out with me mam.
Mr Wirral used to play for City.
Eric Wirral?
- Yeah.
- Bloody hell. Eric Wirral.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
Bloody hell!
Night Owl.
30 minutes, yeah?
All right, love.
Bye-bye.
Well done, lads.
Thanks, sir.
- Listen, er, thanks for the lift.
- Sound.
Look, I'd just like to say
I was at that match...
...and it never looked like
what they said it was.
Yeah.
- Thanks for the lift.
- See you.
- See you, Jimmy.
- Yeah, see you, sir.
Colin!
- Colin, get off me. Get off me!
- I've seen you looking at me.
No, no. Just this once.
Harry...
Get me out of here.
I'll walk you up.
We'll be all right.
- Honestly, I'll be fine.
- I know.
Thanks, anyway.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
Yeah, we're OK.
I've missed you.
Aye aye.
What's going on here, then, eh?
Nothing. Just giving her a ride home.
Good. Piss off now, then, can't you?
Johnny!
No, you're all right, Donna. I'm going.
- So where was he giving you a ride from?
- What's it to you?
- No-one's talking to you.
- Oh, stop it!
Hey, hey.
Easy.
- She's had a bit of a rough time.
- On your way. I'm done with you.
- Now listen...
- No, you listen. Who the hell are you?
I'm... I'm just an old friend.
Oh, I know you. You're that nice fella
that was cheating on his wife.
Well, let me tell you something, pal.
This is a family now, my family.
- Your family?
- Yeah, my family.
I'm the one that keeps that big smile
on her face.
That's my fiance.
Did you mean that?
Course.
- I don't want you to marry him.
- Jimmy...
- Yeah, well, I don't.
- Look, I haven't made my mind up yet.
It's nice to be asked, you know?
Hey.
All right?
So, Two Dogs had a free transfer
to Grimble City...
... Robbie Brewer, who turns out to be the
nonexistent footballer from nowhere...
... and Sara, still giving me the red card...
... leaving just one thing to look forward to:
... the semis.
- Coming to the semifinal?
- I can't make it on Saturday.
Besides, I don't... don't like football.
Why, do you think we stand a chance?
I don't know.
But, er... maybe you've gotta keep on
trying if you really want something.
Don't you think?
(EMF: Unbelieveable)
And I tell you, these boots:
lucky, magic, or what?
I just can't do a thing without 'em.
You're unbelieveable
Hey, what's he up to now?
- Argh!
United scout.
They always show around now.
So what do you think of the lad up front?
What, your son, you mean? Well...
Actually, he's not too bad, but...
...that Grimble lad...
...he's really got something about him.
Still, I've got my eye on a few this season.
Bloody hell.
Here, that's never Eric Wirral, is it?
Huh!
Come on!
You're unbelieveable
2- 0, and for the second time in history...
... Greenock are through to the finals
at Maine Road.
And there's only one person who really
knows what it means to me to play there.
What are you sitting in the dark for?
You're still seeing him, aren't you?
It's all right.
Really.
What do you mean?
It's not working, is it?
No.
It isn't.
It's all right.
Come on.
I'm your Venus, I'm your fire
It's your desire
God is on the mountain top
- Burning like a silver flame...
- Er...
Oh, Jimbo, sorry.
Just, I can't go in there, can I?
Be like a red rag to a bull.
Jimmy! Jimmy!
Look, I'm sorry, love, but...
...you know, you can make a lot of money
selling this stuff.
- What's up, love?
How d'you get this off, then?
Oh, Jimmy...
Everybody says
there was no Robbie Brewer.
They do... do they?
We lost touch.
Long time ago.
Why?
He thought I'd lied to him.
And had you?
Yes.
He... had this illness...
...see...
...and... if he really... knew...
...what it was,
he would have fretted and worried...
...and... it would have made it worse.
So I kept it from him.
Because...
...I think...
...sometimes, just sometimes...
...it's better to tell someone... a white lie...
...than the truth.
You know, Jimmy?
And I nod.
But I don't really know.
Look, I've been thinking.
Why don't you come and see me play
tomorrow, at Maine Road?
What would your friends say?
Oh.
Well, you'll just have to hide
if we see anyone.
Pity. Pity about the, er...
Snow.
Heaters.
All right?
Jimmy... wait a minute.
Mam...
...I love you.
Yeah, I know.
Go on, piss off.
Jimmy?
I love you, too, you know.
See you there, Mam.
Sara?
- What you up to?
- Nothing.
Thought I might go up Maine Road later.
- Thought you didn't like football?
- Maybe I should give it one last try.
Stop!
Stop! There's somebody in there!
There's an old lady in there.
- Stop!
- Here, lad, come back! Where you going?
There's an old lady in there! Stop!
What the bloody hell do you think
you're playing at, you idiot? Come here.
Do you believe
Do you believe the world turns round?
Do you believe
That your feet stood on solid ground?
Do you believe?
Do you think
that you were told the truth?
A very good afternoon,
everybody, and welcome to Maine Road...
...for the big match today,
the final of the Manchester Schools Cup.
Although it may not be a capacity crowd
for Man City...
...we're more than delighted to open up
the main stand blocks G and H...
...for the family and friends
of these two teams...
...Greenock High School
and Huntingdon Comprehensive.
- Grimble!
What's the point? She's dead.
The old woman that gave me the boots...
... boots that made me play
like me feet were on fire.
Dead.
You know, I think I'll get the bus.
You don't like bikes, do you?
Not much.
See you there, then.
Hiya.
You're not going to Maine Road, are you?
Yeah.
Right.
Let's get you a helmet.
Sensei.
See how I focus me energy...
...into me fingertips?
Can you feel them getting warmer?
No.
I think you can.
Where's my money, you thieving bastard?
I've been thinking.
90,000 is a lot of money.
For God's sake, Ken, you agreed.
All we had to do was reach the finals.
- Win the final, I said.
- No, you didn't.
You bloody didn't.
You know damn well what you said.
You said as long as we did
as well as you had.
- We won the final.
- Ken, I was there. You didn't.
- We did.
- You didn't.
We did! Look, Sniveller, the bottom line is
if you want my money, you do what I say.
Understood?
What happened to the carrot, Ken?
I've ate it.
Right, come on, lads.
Ah, Lee, don't take your shirt off.
Get your shirt back on.
Eric, can I have a word?
Yeah.
- What's up?
- Yeah, well, it's Jimmy.
All this nonsense about these boots.
Eh?
Superstitions in this day and age,
it's just not healthy.
Come on, you ever walk down the street
afraid of stepping on the cracks?
No, I didn't, actually.
I just wanna say I need you
to leave Jimmy on the bench today.
You know, a long time ago...
...I was stood in this tunnel
about to go out there.
And I tell you, there's not much
in the world to beat that.
And you want me to rob someone of it?
You want me to break that kid's heart?
For what? For the school?
Or so when Burley's son goes out in front
of some scout, there's no competition?
Come on, Eric, let's be practical.
We need that sports hall.
It's not for me, it's for them.
- Shades of grey, remember?
- Some things are just in black and white.
Now, you want Jimmy off,
you come and tell him yourself.
Tell him.
Right, then, Jimmy...
you're on the bench today.
- Have you lost your marbles?
- What did you say?
I said are you off your head?
Any more lip out of you
and you'll be there, too.
Suits me, man, cos if he's not playing,
I'm not playing, neither.
All right, Jim?
Or me.
You can put me on the bench an' all.
Count me out as well.
Yeah, and me.
Looks like this is gonna be
an interesting match.
You all right, Sniveller?
- D'you get it all sorted?
- Will you stop calling me that?
All right, keep your hair on.
Anyway, it's not sorted.
Not in the way that you want.
I almost forgot.
This is my school, my school...
...and nobody tells me
how to run my school.
I've got my team
in the final of the Manchester Cup...
...and having a new sports hall
is not gonna better that.
- Come on, Greenock!
- Yeah. Come on, Greenock!
... number 6: Lee Wright,
number 7: Matthew Ahmed...
...number 8: Sean Delaney...
...number 9: Gordon Burley,
number 10: Jimmy Grimble...
Right... who's had me boots?
You all right?
- Where are they?
- What?
Where are the boots?
- What boots?
- Where are the boots?
Now listen, I don't know
what you're on about.
- What size are you?
- Seven.
Thanks.
Ah, these are top.
Try them on.
Try them on.
- How much?
- 99.99.
No, I can't. I can't do it.
I just can't.
Welcome back, motor neurones.
Jimmy.
Jimmy. You all right?
Listen, I've got something to tell you.
Erm...
Sorry.
Johnny's not gonna be staying with us
any more.
No. You don't get it, do you?
I'm losing it, like I used to.
Lost the old lady, lost me boots...
... I lost Harry.
Couldn't even find Robbie Brewer.
And even if you wanna give Two Dogs
the push...
... l'll only lose you to somebody else
I don't want.
- Let's have these, Greenock!
- Come on, we can beat these scallies!
Nice short passes.
We'll beat these bunch of muppets!
Let's get stuck in.
This is what we're playing for.
I'm a tiger, I'm a serial killer,
I'm Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon...
...I'm a terminator, I'm a tiger...
...I'm a serial killer.
- Come on!
- Let's go.
- Come on, Greenock.
Souvenir programme!
- Souvenir programme!
- Hiya, Bob.
- How are you?
- All right, mate. Thought you'd be here.
Yeah, sound.
Souvenir programme!
I just thought I'd, er...
come and watch the lad play.
- You don't mind, do you?
- You don't give up, do you?
No.
Where is she, then?
It's over.
Since when?
Since the first time I met you.
You're gonna be all right, Jimmy, son.
Just play your normal game.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome...
...Huntingdon Comprehensive
and Greenock High School!
Greenock! Greenock! Greenock!
Come on, Greenock!
Take it off him!
- Oh!
- What's that?
- Sorry.
Come on, kid.
Get it out!
Play up now, come on!
The biggest day of me life.
Every pass, it goes adrift.
Every ball, loose.
Can't tackle, can't shoot.
I'm cack. Cack, just like I used to be.
Come on, Gordon!
I want it now
I want it now
Not the promises
of what tomorrow brings
I need to live in dreams today
I'm tired of the song that sorrow sings
And I want more than I can get
- Keeper's, Grimble!
- Trying to, trying to
Trying to forget
Jimmy!
Huntingdon's goal
scored by number 11, Azeem.
- Huntingdon 1 Greenock 0.
- For Christ's sake, man.
Under skin is where I hide
Love that always gets me on my knees
Come on!
And I want more than I can get
Just trying to, trying to
Trying to forget
Nothing ever lasts forever
... number 9, Hardie!
Nothing ever lasts forever
Take your top off, son.
Get him off, get him off...
Get him off!
Get off, Grimble.
- Get him off.
About earlier... I was out of order.
What are you gonna do?
Take him off after the half.
- Come on, Greenock!
Come on, lads.
So that leaves us with
Huntingdon 2 Greenock 0.
Jimmy?
Jimmy?
Jimmy...
Come on, kid.
You make your own luck.
You know you do.
Jimmy. Look at me.
Look at me standing here.
Look at the size I am.
How do you think someone like me
gets the ball off of one of them big fellas?
Come on, kid.
I think you know.
You need bottle.
Real bottle.
But me...
...the only way I could ever find that
was by necking a bit before a match.
Just enough vodka to loosen me up.
Loosened me up so much one day
I come in with a late tackle on Gary Elm.
Thought from where I was standing there
was nothing to do but bring him down.
Thing is, Gary Elm never got up.
Gary Elm.
They stretchered Gary off.
The break the way it was...
...he barely walked again, let alone played.
Thing is, Jimmy...
...there's only one thing to rely on
when you're out there.
That's yourself.
He's right.
But what do they know?
What do they know about the boots
that gave me not just goals...
... but everything
I've ever wanted in me life?
Look, come on, kid...
...just think about it.
- Magic boots? Just a bit sort of...
- No, they are.
They're special. They are.
Not just for me. For him, too.
- For who?
- Robbie Brewer.
Brewer? Robbie Brewer?
Bloody hell! Don't sub him,
just give us a minute, will you?
Come on.
Bob!
Bob Brewer.
I tried to find her a few times.
Funny, I thought she might have
ended up on the streets.
So this is Robbie Brewer.
And the illness:
it's what was making him blind.
Robbie Brewer. Her son.
I never found out till later.
Stress, see? Makes it worse.
That's why she never told me.
She were doing it for the best.
So she told him a white lie.
Something to help him
through the bad times.
Like the one she told me
about some old boots.
Some boots...
- There weren't some boots, were there?
- Boots?
Yeah. She bought 'em for me about...
...when I was his age.
I were made City mascot, see?
Think they felt sorry for me, you know?
So there's no magic...
or anything like that?
Not unless they sell magic boots
at Woolworth's.
Now, if the magic's not in me boots...
... it must be in me feet.
And no-one's nicked them, that's for sure.
(Fatboy Slim: Right Here Right Now)
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Go, Jimmy, go!
Jimmy!
Go on! Give it to Gordon!
It's 2-1, with Greenock's first
goal from number 10, Jimmy Grimble!
Yes!
A goal! A goal at Maine Road!
Brilliant. Bosh!
Come on, Jimmy!
Go on, give him the ball now!
Gordon! Go on, Son!
That's it, you're through to an empty net.
The Greenock equaliser
scored by number 9, Gordon Burley!
Yeees!
- Try not to be a prat all your life.
- Yes, Psycho!
What?
Sad man.
2-2, and I've just seen
confirmation there's only one minute left.
Pick him up!
Go! Get out!
One minute to go, Grimble.
One minute. Come on!
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on, you can do it. Come on.
Come on, Grimble.
Jimmy! Pass it to me!
- Get it over!
- Go on, Jimmy!
Go! Go! Go!
- Go on, Jimmy.
- Cross it!
Jimmy!
Pass it!
- On me head!
- Give it to Gordon!
- Yes!
- Go on, give it to bloody Gordon!
And I thought "Yeah...
... why not?"
Goal!
An amazing last-minute third goal...
...that takes Greenock into the lead.
- That surely must be...
Yes, that's the final whistle:
Greenock 3 Huntingdon 2.
Yes!
Yes!
Greenock! Greenock!
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
- Right here, right now
- Jimmy!
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
- Right here
- Listen. That bloke over there...
- Well played, Greenock!
I'm really proud of you.
I love you, Mum.
I love you.
Come here.
Er, Jimmy.
Now, look, I'm afraid there's only one
place on the programme this season...
...so, er...
Jimmy, how would you like to join
Man United?
What?! Him?
That's very nice of you, but...
...Mr Wirral's just told me
I've got a better offer.
What can be better than Man United, son?
Man City.
Dad, Dad! Please, Dad, sort it out.
Offer him something.
Dad?
Hang on, hang on! What about my lad?
What? No, no. If I can't have him,
I'm having that goalie. He's quite handy.
Here...
Jimmy Grimble!
- You're making a big mistake.
- Dad? Dad...
I see you don't mind kissing some people.
- Suppose I can kiss you if you want.
- I don't want.
- No?
- No.
I do.
So there we are.
We've won, I've got the girl...
... and a new dad, all in one day.
And that sort of thing, well...
... it only happens in fairy tales, don't it?
And Mr Wirral?
I think we taught each other something:
... there is more to life than football.
Just kidding.
Sir?
MUSIC ...to spend a little lifetime
sitting in the gutter?
Scream out sympathy
How does it feel like
Sailing on the breeze?
And how does it feel like
- To spend a little lifetime
Sitting in the gutter?
Scream out sympathy...
(Contempo: Stronger)
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
Seems like we've waited far too long
For some good times to come along
And though it's no-one's fault but ours
It hasn't helped that
they've been dragging us down, too
This stinking hole has had its day
Gonna buy it up and have it razed
To the ground and in its place
Build a brand-new world just for us
West London screams
Well, can't you see your problem?
You can't see further than tomorrow
I'm getting stronger every day
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
Yeah, I'm getting stronger every day
You dish it out, I'll take it in
I can only grow from the lies you spin
If you're not scared then you should be
Cos nothing in the world'll
keep you from me
I'm coming home
Well, can't you see your problem?
You can't see further than tomorrow
I'm getting stronger every day
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
Yeah, I'm getting stronger every day
Well, I just can't wait any longer
I just keep on moving, getting stronger
Look up, look further than tomorrow
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
We can get stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
Stronger, stronger
Yeah, hear west London scream
Well, can't you see your problem?
You can't see further than tomorrow
I'm getting stronger every day
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
Yeah, I'm getting stronger every day
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger,
stronger...
The only one I know
Has come to take me away
The only one I know
Is mine when she stitches me
The only one I see
- Has found an aching in me
- The only one I see
- Football. Football. Football. Football.
- Has turned her tongue into me
- Football. Football. Football. Football.
Football. Football. Football.
DJ.
Football. Racing driver.
Football. Football.
Football!
There's just one tiny, little problem.
If anyone's watching,
me game just falls apart.
I play like a right muppet.
"Performance anxiety",
it says in this book.
Something not right
with me motor neurones.
I just call it cacking me pants.
I'm a tiger.
I'm a serial killer.
I'm Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon.
I'm a terminator.
I'm... I'm...
I'm nobody.
Everyone
Has been burned before
Everybody knows the pain...
Jimmy!
Hey, Jimmy, come and have a look at this.
Hey! Look!
All right, there, kid?
This is me new friend, Johnny.
Johnny, this is our Jimmy.
Mam. With a new boyfriend.
A nugget. A total golden nugget.
Tell me you don't fancy him.
Tell me. You bloody hate bikes.
- So what do you think?
- You hate bikes.
I never said that.
I didn't.
Genuine article, this. Harley-Davidson.
Eight grand that'd cost you. Customised.
Jimmy's into football.
Me, too!
Look out, Jamie! Man on!
- Johnny! Careful.
Golazzo!
- What?
- Johnny, he's only a kid.
He's all right.
You're all right, aren't you, Jamie?
Sorry, love. Don't know me own strength.
I could teach him some kung fu.
Take him down the dojo.
Make him into a right little hard nut.
You'd like that, wouldn't you? Eh?
Cobra, eh?
The tiger.
All right. How about this one, then?
Orangutan.
Oo-oo-oo!
- Oo-oo-oo!
- How 'bout that cup of tea you promised?
- Oh, yeah.
We're going inside, love, for a cup of tea,
all right?
You'll want to carry on playing
for a bit, won't you, Jamie?
Do you want your ball?
Nice shot.
Now, then.
That's it. Your chakra is just here, right?
Can you feel it?
- I think I can.
- Oh, it's very tense.
I think you've got a bit of energy
needs releasing.
Jimmy. Come on in, love.
Johnny's just, erm...
- He's just leaving.
- Eh? Am I?
Oh, yeah, right. I get you.
- I'll see you later, then.
- Yeah.
He's a nice bloke. He makes me laugh.
Give us an 'ug.
That's better.
Hey! What's all that w... Ohh!
Oh, no, that's not a Night Rider, is it?
Ohhh!
Danny! Wait up, Danny.
Being a City fan
in the heart of a Man U jungle...
... puts me on the endangered species list
here at Greenock High School.
United!
Meet Psycho, class-A nutter.
No problem with his motor neurones.
Gordon Burley. Gorgeous Gordon Burley.
That's what all the girls call him.
I call him whatever it takes
to avoid a good kicking.
Filthy!
Look at him.
- All right, Wirral. How you doing, mate?
- Fine, thanks.
That's not what we heard.
Dad says governors have got
their eye out for another PE teacher.
- You're finished.
- Yeah, you have a nice day, Mr Wirral.
Remember, smile
and the whole world smiles with you.
But fart and you're on your own.
So who's the new girl?
Kind of weird-looking,
but kind of amazing, too.
Whoa! She's smiling at me!
My day is complete.
Jimmy Grimble. What a nice surprise.
Missed you on the way in.
How you doing, City boy?
- A lot better without a kicking from you.
- Get him!
(Freestylers: Feel The Panic)
Pow, pow! Feel the panic, feel the panic
Feel the panic
Pow, pow! Feel the panic
Pow, pow! Feel the panic, feel the panic
Feel the panic
Pow, pow! Feel the panic
Feel the panic
There's no way out now.
All right, Grimble?
Well, well.
Feel the panic
Bag looks it could do with a wash, mate.
Get him! Get him!
Look! That's it.
Look!
How d'you like that, eh, Grimble?
Muppet! See you next time.
- You muppet!
- Blue, eh?
- Er, yeah.
Well, if your motor neurones
are all cocked up like mine...
... you've gotta reduce the odds a bit,
haven't you?
Bingo. Nobody here,
just me and the goalpost.
Oh, except The Cat, of course.
The Cat: Casper Higgins.
Fastest pair of hands in Manchester...
... especially if there's a wallet
lying around.
Elvis. Midfielder...
... and 40-a-day smoker.
A man in total control!
You little shite. Try anything like that
with that notice again...
...and you are...
- Look out. Wirral.
You'll be dead.
- Later, Grimble.
- Right, six-a-side.
Six-a-side? I'm on the bloody team.
You don't have to be Einstein
to work that one out.
Well, sub at least. And that's worth
getting a faceful of gob any day.
Are we ever gonna get
this sports centre built?
More events. An autumn fair, perhaps.
We raised almost 2,000 at the last one.
- Rather more than that, I'm afraid.
- How much?
- 90,000.
Hey!
I've started ringing round,
but angels are hard to find.
Hello! What's the matter wi...
Who's in there?
Hello!
What do you want? I'm in a meeting.
See? Empty.
Bloody empty.
Aglow with trophies that was in my day.
You know, aglow with trophies.
We won the Manchester Schools Cup.
Well, we nearly won it,
didn't we, Sniveller?
Manchester Schools Cup, lost in the final.
But it got me a trial with Crewe Alex.
Crewe Alex-bloody-andra.
- This afternoon, Sniveller phones me up.
- Will you stop?
"What's one of those rubbish trucks
of yours cost?" he says.
I said "I don't know, why? About 100,000.
What do you want to know for?"
And what do you say?
What? Well, I say "Perhaps you can renew
one less this year."
Bloody funny, eh? Bloody funny!
But it got me thinking.
How do I run my business? Eh?
How do I keep these lads of mine
shovelling shite all day?
Carrot.
Carrot, stick, carrot, stick, carrots.
So here's a bloody big carrot for you.
Get to the finals of the Schools Cup and
I won't just give you a few thousand...
...l'll give you the lot.
The whole bloody lot.
90 grand. How's that?
So, er... what's the stick?
There is no stick.
The downer about Gorgeous
is that the plonker can play football.
He really, really can.
Come on, come on.
I'm Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon,
I'm a terminator, I'm... I'm...
...I'm dead.
- Yes!
- Disallowed.
Piss off, Wirral,
there's nothing wrong with that goal.
- What did you say?
- You heard.
Anyway, what are we all playing
poxy six-a-side for?
There's only twelve of us.
We're all on the team, aren't we?
Not all of you. And I'm not having players
with your sort of attitude.
Right, I'm sending you off.
Get off the pitch.
- Make me.
- Get off the pitch!
- Make me!
- Do you wanna go to the headmaster?
- Do you?
- Not bothered, Wirral.
Right.
- Wazzock.
- Shut it, Grimble.
- I didn't say anything.
It was worth it in the end,
weren't it, Burley, eh?
You did what?!
I bloody told him,
stood up to the little bastard.
I said "You, you are not on my team."
And you know what? It felt really good.
- What?
What?
Back on the team, me. Cheers, sir.
The new Michael Owen, this, you know.
The new Owen.
You've not got kids, have you?
Good night, Sniveller.
What do you want for your tea, Son?
We'll get something on the way home.
He is our best player. We've all got
to be practical these days, Eric.
Shades of grey.
So, who are we up against first round?
- Wreckingham.
- Wreckingham? Walk in the park.
More of a run in the park
with Rottweilers.
Blue moon, you saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own
- Blue...
- What's your name?
- Jimmy.
- Jimmy what?
- Jimmy Grimble.
Nice underwear, Jimmy.
That's a good look.
No, 4D. Not B. D.
D for...
...friggin' disaster.
- Mam, guess what!
- ... disaster from here.
- Mam!
- Oi, you listening, Donna?
- I told you ten minutes five minutes ago.
- Jimmy! Buddy. Great to see you, kid.
Listen, your mam's gonna help us out
on the night shift.
Yeah. You go on home, love.
So, er... go and get yourself
some chips, eh?
- It's 1.50 with a drink.
Piss off.
- I just wanted to...
- No, I told you.
I've just said you're at the bottom
of the road, so you'd better hurry up.
OK, I'm going!
Then I'll sign off for half an hour, all right?
All right.
- You all right?
- Oh, yeah.
- Night Owl.
- Grimble! Excellent!
- Yeah, I fancy a piss.
- Get here!
- Go on, get him, Gordon!
Don't let him get away!
Keep hold of him!
Get him!
Where is he?
Where is he?
- In here! Come on.
- He's here, back here.
Getting away, come on!
He's getting off! He's getting off!
Down here.
Where are you, knobhead?
- Come on.
- Jimmy! Jimmy!
Come out! Come out, wherever you are.
Psycho, come here.
Look at this.
- Jimmy, I know you're here somewhere.
I'd best be off, but thanks for your help.
I've been thinking.
You're the one
that's been playing outside, aren't you?
Right little wizard with the ball.
- Sometimes.
- Only sometimes?
I've been reading this book.
It's me motor neurones, they're too active.
Oh.
That's it, is it?
You'd better have those.
It's all right, I've got a pair, thanks.
Not like those.
Those are special.
How's that, then?
Are they magic or something?
Magic?
Magic boots? Brilliant.
Just what I need.
I just wanted to know
you were both all right, that's all.
Well, I am all right.
Harry. Me mam's ex-fella.
Blue moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart...
Works in removals.
He certainly took me mam's heart away.
Without a love of my own
He's got that kind of smile
that can get anyone to do anything...
...even support Man City.
- Blue moon...
- Programme! Official programme!
- Hiya, Bob.
Who's that? Harry? There you go, mate.
- No, I'm gonna need two today.
- Oh. There you go, mate.
Cheers. You know, Bob here
hasn't missed a game in 40 years.
And never seen 'em score yet!
- Adis.
- Programme!
And there suddenly appeared before me
The only one my arms will ever hold
I heard somebody whisper
"Please adore me"
And when I looked
the moon had turned to gold
- Blue moon
- I think blue's gonna be your colour.
- You caught me standing alone
- Go on.
Look, I won't tell her you asked for it.
- Without a dream in my heart...
- I'll tell her you begged for it!
He cared about me and me mam.
He really did.
There was only one problem.
Now I'm no longer alone...
He was already married.
Kath.
- Bastard!
- Without a love of my own
We're fine, so you can go on back
to your wife, can't you?
Donna...
You've not found someone else,
have you?
What if I have? You're not jealous, Harry?
No.
Jimmy. All right, kid?
What a season, eh?
- You been going much?
- No. I'm late.
Jimmy...
Yeah?
Just that...
Nothing, just...
Just sorry again or something?
No...
Ooh, it's the vampire.
Heard we got a vampire moved in.
You are a vampire, aren't you?
Me? No, I'm a pugilist.
Oh, yeah? What's a pugilist do?
Fly around biting people?
No. I suppose I could show you
if you want.
Oh, yeah? Go on, then.
Argh!
Do you want some as well?
I'm in love.
In love with a... pugilist.
I don't even know what one is.
Look who it is. Look who it is.
Here we go. First round: Wreckingham.
Sub: J Grimble.
Something Gordon doesn't look
too chuffed about.
Sub, eh, Grimble?
Have him!
What's up, Grimble?
- Let's have a look what's in here, then.
- Oh, get off!
- Oh, not me boots.
- Nice boots, Jimmy.
You know what I say about boots.
No boots... no glory.
What a shot!
Lift your lip off the floor, Grimble.
- 'Bout time.
- Get out me way.
- All set? I'll come along after my meeting.
- Right, Sniveller.
- Where we off to, the Duke of York?
- Ken! Not in front of the lads.
Oh, right, sorry. It's all right, lads,
we go back a long way, me and Sniveller.
Yes!
Lee, come on.
Get off seven seats, you fat slob.
- Where's Jimmy?
- Ah, that's a major tragedy, that is, sir.
Poor kid lost his boots.
- Come on, Eric, what's the hold-up?
- No sub.
- No sub.
- So you play short, don't you?
Keep the team on its toes.
That's something I learnt at Crewe.
Yeah. We've got a real pro here, Eric.
No sub against Wreckingham, eh?
Absolutely fine!
- It's Grimble.
It's Grimble, lads.
Sad bastard.
- Where'd you get these, Jim? A skip?
- Yeah. Now can I have 'em back?
- Look at the state of them.
- They're antique!
- Oh! Bloody boots pissed on me!
Grimble!
What are you smiling at?
Grimble, Freddy Krueger has nightmares
about your mam.
Wreckingham, lads.
- Oh, Manchester
- Oh, Manchester
- Is wonderful
- Is wonderful
Oh, Manchester is wonderful
It's full of chips, pies and gravy
Oh, Manchester is wonderful
Put it out.
- Just put it out!
- Just finishing it.
Right, er...
Brick, Crane: defence.
Crane, I want you to come up
for free kicks and corners, all right?
Just stretching, sir.
Psycho: sweeper.
- Elvis: striker.
- What?!
- I'm striker round here, mate.
- Ah, come on, I need a Beckham.
Beckham, nah.
- Yorkie, me.
- Guess what? Yorkie's black.
All right, but I'm not being Beckham
all the time cos I've got blond hair.
Anyway, he's a slaphead now.
- Is this a hair clinic or a football team?
Look, I don't mind being Gazza.
Yeah, all right. Gazza in midfield. Sorted.
But whatever, I'm striker. All right?
Trouble with you...
...you've got no bollocks.
- Sort it, lads.
- Come on, lads, let's get Wreckingham!
Wreckingham by name,
Wreckingham by nature.
The sort of place
that makes you happy to be a sub.
Behave!
Go on! Come on, Gorgeous!
- And Gorgeous, well... Oh, yes, goal!
- Yes!
Bang! Bet you're glad you never put me
midfield now, eh, Wirral?
Yes!
Not clever to score against Wreckingham,
Gorgeous.
When two tribes go to war
Point is all that you can score
Score no more, score no more
When two tribes go to war
Point is all that you can score
When two tribes go to war
Point is all that you can score
- You what?!
- Yellow card!
Point is all that you can score
Working for the black gas
Go on, lads, get him!
- Ow, ow, ow
Ow, ow
When two tribes go to war
Point is all that you can score
Score no more, score no more
When two tribes go to war
Point is all that you can score
- Working for the black gas
- Get up! Get up, lad!
Still, 1-0 up at the 'alf...
... and the worst thing that's happened
so far is that I've got a bit chilly.
Good half, lads. Good half.
Right, take it easy now.
Let's have more of the same, eh?
- Ah! Quit!
Hey, is this Gladiators or football?
- You what? Who's ref round here?
- Eh?
Back off, pal.
Let's have you, then.
Come on, let's have you.
All right, you got me. I don't give
a bollocks. Are you happy now?
- Come on, lads.
Second half.
Time for a Wreckingham comeback.
- Head on it!
- Out!
What?
- Ref, ref, you can't do that!
- Rebound off the ref.
- You know the rules, son.
- Ref, you're off your head.
Goal, sir.
Excellent.
Not us. The ref.
Ref!
- Aargh!
- Oooh.
What were that you were saying
about bollocks, son?
Go and get an 'ot bath.
Right... you're on.
- What?
- He's off, you're on.
What a debut.
Jimmy Grimble versus the psychopaths.
Jimmy Grimble, the last line of defence.
Jimmy Grimble...
... cacking his pants.
Ow, ow, ow
Ow, ow
Let's go...
Go on, Jimmy!
Get him!
Get him!
I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead.
Oh, bollocks to it.
Yeeees!
Grimble!
2-1! 2-1!
Missus, you in there? It's me, Jimmy.
You scored, didn't you?
Er... Yeah, I did, actually.
It was like one shot, whack,
right in the back of the net.
From miles off.
- Should've seen it.
- Wish I had.
You'll have to ask me along next time.
Just joking.
I told you you'd be all right in them boots.
Yeah.
Listen...
...there's not really something special
about them is there?
It was somebody who owned 'em,
weren't it?
- Yes.
- He played for someone, didn't he?
He did.
So who did he play for?
City.
Man City?
Never.
What was his name?
Robbie.
Robbie Brewer.
Peter Barnes, Colin Bell...
... Tommy Booth...
All there, but no Robbie Brewer.
All right, Jamie. Give us an 'and.
- You moving in?
- That's right, I'm your new dad.
Keep your mitts off these,
cos they're expensive, right?
You and me, though, best mates, eh?
Is he talking to me or the aftershave?
Heard about these.
Oh. Think I'm a few slices short
wearing them, do you?
No. Takes guts to wear something
as stupid as that.
Thanks.
So, erm... do you like football, then?
No.
- Not even the Premiership?
- No.
- What about the Champions League?
- No.
- You must like the World Cup.
- No!
So what do you like?
Are you sure you wanna know?
Pugilist. You see, that's what
they used to call a boxer.
Died in the ring, he did. He was only 21.
Why d'you come here?
I mean...
...everyone's... dead.
And what?
You can learn all sorts of stuff.
Come on, I'll show you.
He went up like a rocket.
Snapped his neck.
They have whirlwinds here sometimes.
Have you ever thought
how you were gonna go?
I haven't, actually.
- You don't think I'm barking, do you?
- Me? No, of course not.
Anyway... I'm the one
with the magic boots.
Bet you didn't like stepping on the cracks
when you were little.
Still don't.
So... these boots.
Who did they belong to?
Robbie Brewer. I'm trying to find him.
Robbie Brewer?
I know Robbie Brewer.
- Here you are, Robbie Brewer.
- No, that can't be him.
This Robbie Brewer,
he used to play for City.
He played for City?
Well, what did they say up the ground?
Of course! I'm an idiot, aren't I?
- What are you doing today?
- Gonna watch Star Trek, aren't I?
- The Klingons get it up the arse big style.
- Not you.
- I need to go up to Maine Road.
- What, see them losers play?
Yes. And you can take him.
- Me?
- Yeah, yeah.
Oh, right. Is that that 50?
- See you.
- City!
Ow!
Come on, you blues!
- Fancy a bevvy?
- We'll be late.
Just a quick one.
- But I need to ask something at the shop.
- Do you want a Coke?
In your own time, please, love.
- Aargh!
- I'll take that.
And if I don't have the rest by next week,
I'll be round for the bike.
- So why didn't you kung-fu him?
- Well, couldn't, could I?
I would've killed him.
Have you got any more money, then?
Come on.
Joe Royle's blue and white army!
Programme!
Official programme!
- Hiya, Bob.
- Harry. Hey, two today?
No, just the one. See you.
Programme!
- Eric?
Eric?
Round two, we're playing Northmoor.
- Northmoor.
- Won the cup a few times, haven't they?
- Yeah, seven.
- Bit like playing Brazil, then, is it?
Yeah.
Come on, Eric.
You are thinking walls, aren't you?
Bars, actually.
Jimmy. Did you find that Robbie Brewer?
No, but I was thinking about
going down Maine Road now...
...you know, see what I can find out.
- Oh, right.
Erm... Well, I'm not doing anything
if you... if you want me to come.
Sure. Would you? That'd be great.
- Let's go.
- No, let's stay.
All right, Jimmy.
Didn't know you two little muppets
were pulling tongue.
So, that right, Jim? You and the puggle?
Yeah, it is. Innit?
Are you going with her, Jimmy?
You pathetic little rat boy.
Don't ignore me, Jim.
You're too ugly to get a bird.
Look at the state of you.
Eww!
- Got a licence for that, or what?
So that right, Jim?
You two weirds really an item?
Wait till I tell the lads about this one,
Romeo.
So, Jimmy, are you in love, or what?
- No.
- Thought not.
You little muppet.
Excuse me. I'm trying to find out about
someone who used to play for City.
It's not me you wanna be asking.
I just work here.
Man U till I die, me.
Hey! There is a fella. See that house over
there, number 70? Ask him, he'll know.
Thanks.
Jimmy.
Sorry, sir, I must er...
I must have got the wrong house.
Bloke over there said there was
somebody here who knew all about City.
Yeah, there is.
Can I talk to him, please?
You are talking to him.
- Might have a Coke or something.
- Thanks.
So...
...what can I do for you?
Robbie Brewer.
He never did play for City, did he?
Robbie Brewer?
No, never heard of him.
Is that you?
Yeah, it's me.
You're in a City strip.
That's cos I used to play for them.
Them and a couple of others.
Stalybridge Celtic, as it happens.
- You played for City?
- Two years. Striker.
You was a striker?
12 goals in my debut season.
Got an 'at trick against United.
- Not bad, eh?
- Not bad?!
What happened?
Ah, it didn't work out.
- Why didn't you say something at school?
- Nah.
- People would listen to you then.
- "Listen to you then"?
What, you think it's all about
inspiring people, do you?
Well, it's not.
You gotta want to learn.
Kids like Gordon Burley...
...they don't wanna learn, do they?
They don't wanna learn anything.
I get it. So we've all got to suffer
because of him?
It's just like usual, then.
There's more to life than football,
you know?
Oh, what do you want me to say?
That everything else is as good as that?
Course it's not.
Cos the truth is once you've done
something like that...
...it takes the sunlight off everything...
...puts it all in the shade.
Thanks, sir.
Finals for the School Cup,
they're always played there, aren't they?
Yeah.
Don't you want other people
to have what you had?
Second round: Northmoor.
Look at it! What hope
have us bunch of chancers got?
We were gonna be done.
Looks more like a castle than a school.
Right, lads, gather round.
Difficult game today. Good team, this.
Here he is, the next Ryan Giggs.
- You all right, Giggsy?
- All right, Dad.
Difficult game today, lads.
A good team, this one.
Yeah, how about letting Ken
give the pep talk?
He was a pro and we're gonna need all
the help we can get with them walls, eh?
- Sod it.
- Ooooh!
- Eric...
- Somebody pick his dummy up.
- All right, shut your gobs.
- Eric, he's being very generous.
Pin your lugholes back, I'm gonna give
you the benefit of my experience now.
Ken Burley's tactics were simple.
Give it to bloody Gordon!
Give it to bloody Gordon, come on!
To Gordon!
What's the matter with you? Come on!
Give it to Gordon!
Come on!
Come out! Pull out!
What's the matter with you?
Right, come on... Pull up, pull up!
Go on. Go right, Gordon!
Give it him!
Go on, give it to bloody Gordon!
No! Oh, ah...
Don't you listen to anything I tell you?
Right, go on, that's it.
Give it to Gordon!
Come on now, pull up! Get it over!
Oh, son, come on!
What's the matter with you?
Hey, mark up, mark up! Come on!
Come on, son, together. Right!
Oh, don't you listen to anything?
Come on!
You should have give it to Gordon!
I used to play in boots like that.
Keeper for United.
- Ever play City?
- Yeah, once.
Don't try being clever with me.
When I say get rid, get rid!
- Eric Wirral. Remember me?
- I do, yeah.
Pete Drake. You scored a hat trick
against me in '79, remember?
- I remember.
- City's answer to George Best.
- He was as good as it gets, this was.
- Hey! I was a pro, too, you know.
- Oh, yeah?
- Crewe Alex.
- Oh.
So what you doing here, Eric?
Got your kid playing?
- No, er...
- He's our coach.
Oh? Thought he was your coach.
- Not any more.
- Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
(Stone Roses: Waterfall)
Psycho, cover up, son, cover up!
- Chimes sing Sunday morn
- Come on, Gordon!
Today's the day she's sworn
- Nice tackle, son. Nice tackle.
- To steal what she never could own
- And race from this hole she calls home
- To Jimmy! On the wing to Jimmy!
Now you're at the wheel
Tell me how, how does it feel?
- Cross it! Cross it!
- So good to have equalised
To lift up the lids of your eyes
As the miles, they disappear
- Well played, son.
- See land begin to clear
- Free from the filth and the scum
- Well played, Jimmy, son!
This American satellite's won
She'll carry on through it all
She's a waterfall
She'll carry on through it all
She's a waterfall
Take a shot, Jimmy!
- See the steeple pine
- The hills as old as time
- Yes, Jimmy!
Soon to be put to the test
- To be whipped by the winds...
- Hey, Jimmy.
You wouldn't happen to know
why that bloke recognised me, do you?
Nah.
When you beat the Brazil of the North...
... the rest is cruising.
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
We keep getting stronger, stronger
- We keep on getting stronger...
- Rodale.
Pants! They snuck on an extra man
at half-time...
... but we still stuff 'em.
Cricket score.
Seems like we've waited far too long
For some good times to come along
And though it's no-one's fault but ours
It hasn't helped that
they've been dragging us down, too
Gainsborough. Yes! Me first hat trick.
We keep getting stronger, stronger
Saint Luke's.
Saint who?
The Cat lifts the linesman's credit card.
And Psycho gets a red card
for waving his dick at the ref.
I'm getting stronger every day
So here we go,
cruising through to the semis.
And I'd like to make it sound hard,
but with those boots on me feet...
... I just can't miss a thing.
Well, almost nothing.
Well, I just can't wait any longer
I just keep on moving, getting stronger
Look up, look further than tomorrow
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on
getting stronger, stronger...
'Ere, Jimmy, reckon them boots of yours
can get us a shag with Melanie Morrison?
It'd take more than these boots
to get her near an ugly tosser like you.
You feisty little sod!
Oh, smart.
Nice little motor this, isn't it?
May as well try. You know?
Jimmy?
You all right, kid?
All right?
So how do you two know each other,
then?
- We used to play football together.
- He used to be going out with me mam.
Mr Wirral used to play for City.
Eric Wirral?
- Yeah.
- Bloody hell. Eric Wirral.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
Bloody hell!
Night Owl.
30 minutes, yeah?
All right, love.
Bye-bye.
Well done, lads.
Thanks, sir.
- Listen, er, thanks for the lift.
- Sound.
Look, I'd just like to say
I was at that match...
...and it never looked like
what they said it was.
Yeah.
- Thanks for the lift.
- See you.
- See you, Jimmy.
- Yeah, see you, sir.
Colin!
- Colin, get off me. Get off me!
- I've seen you looking at me.
No, no. Just this once.
Harry...
Get me out of here.
I'll walk you up.
We'll be all right.
- Honestly, I'll be fine.
- I know.
Thanks, anyway.
- You all right?
- Yeah.
Yeah, we're OK.
I've missed you.
Aye aye.
What's going on here, then, eh?
Nothing. Just giving her a ride home.
Good. Piss off now, then, can't you?
Johnny!
No, you're all right, Donna. I'm going.
- So where was he giving you a ride from?
- What's it to you?
- No-one's talking to you.
- Oh, stop it!
Hey, hey.
Easy.
- She's had a bit of a rough time.
- On your way. I'm done with you.
- Now listen...
- No, you listen. Who the hell are you?
I'm... I'm just an old friend.
Oh, I know you. You're that nice fella
that was cheating on his wife.
Well, let me tell you something, pal.
This is a family now, my family.
- Your family?
- Yeah, my family.
I'm the one that keeps that big smile
on her face.
That's my fiance.
Did you mean that?
Course.
- I don't want you to marry him.
- Jimmy...
- Yeah, well, I don't.
- Look, I haven't made my mind up yet.
It's nice to be asked, you know?
Hey.
All right?
So, Two Dogs had a free transfer
to Grimble City...
... Robbie Brewer, who turns out to be the
nonexistent footballer from nowhere...
... and Sara, still giving me the red card...
... leaving just one thing to look forward to:
... the semis.
- Coming to the semifinal?
- I can't make it on Saturday.
Besides, I don't... don't like football.
Why, do you think we stand a chance?
I don't know.
But, er... maybe you've gotta keep on
trying if you really want something.
Don't you think?
(EMF: Unbelieveable)
And I tell you, these boots:
lucky, magic, or what?
I just can't do a thing without 'em.
You're unbelieveable
Hey, what's he up to now?
- Argh!
United scout.
They always show around now.
So what do you think of the lad up front?
What, your son, you mean? Well...
Actually, he's not too bad, but...
...that Grimble lad...
...he's really got something about him.
Still, I've got my eye on a few this season.
Bloody hell.
Here, that's never Eric Wirral, is it?
Huh!
Come on!
You're unbelieveable
2- 0, and for the second time in history...
... Greenock are through to the finals
at Maine Road.
And there's only one person who really
knows what it means to me to play there.
What are you sitting in the dark for?
You're still seeing him, aren't you?
It's all right.
Really.
What do you mean?
It's not working, is it?
No.
It isn't.
It's all right.
Come on.
I'm your Venus, I'm your fire
It's your desire
God is on the mountain top
- Burning like a silver flame...
- Er...
Oh, Jimbo, sorry.
Just, I can't go in there, can I?
Be like a red rag to a bull.
Jimmy! Jimmy!
Look, I'm sorry, love, but...
...you know, you can make a lot of money
selling this stuff.
- What's up, love?
How d'you get this off, then?
Oh, Jimmy...
Everybody says
there was no Robbie Brewer.
They do... do they?
We lost touch.
Long time ago.
Why?
He thought I'd lied to him.
And had you?
Yes.
He... had this illness...
...see...
...and... if he really... knew...
...what it was,
he would have fretted and worried...
...and... it would have made it worse.
So I kept it from him.
Because...
...I think...
...sometimes, just sometimes...
...it's better to tell someone... a white lie...
...than the truth.
You know, Jimmy?
And I nod.
But I don't really know.
Look, I've been thinking.
Why don't you come and see me play
tomorrow, at Maine Road?
What would your friends say?
Oh.
Well, you'll just have to hide
if we see anyone.
Pity. Pity about the, er...
Snow.
Heaters.
All right?
Jimmy... wait a minute.
Mam...
...I love you.
Yeah, I know.
Go on, piss off.
Jimmy?
I love you, too, you know.
See you there, Mam.
Sara?
- What you up to?
- Nothing.
Thought I might go up Maine Road later.
- Thought you didn't like football?
- Maybe I should give it one last try.
Stop!
Stop! There's somebody in there!
There's an old lady in there.
- Stop!
- Here, lad, come back! Where you going?
There's an old lady in there! Stop!
What the bloody hell do you think
you're playing at, you idiot? Come here.
Do you believe
Do you believe the world turns round?
Do you believe
That your feet stood on solid ground?
Do you believe?
Do you think
that you were told the truth?
A very good afternoon,
everybody, and welcome to Maine Road...
...for the big match today,
the final of the Manchester Schools Cup.
Although it may not be a capacity crowd
for Man City...
...we're more than delighted to open up
the main stand blocks G and H...
...for the family and friends
of these two teams...
...Greenock High School
and Huntingdon Comprehensive.
- Grimble!
What's the point? She's dead.
The old woman that gave me the boots...
... boots that made me play
like me feet were on fire.
Dead.
You know, I think I'll get the bus.
You don't like bikes, do you?
Not much.
See you there, then.
Hiya.
You're not going to Maine Road, are you?
Yeah.
Right.
Let's get you a helmet.
Sensei.
See how I focus me energy...
...into me fingertips?
Can you feel them getting warmer?
No.
I think you can.
Where's my money, you thieving bastard?
I've been thinking.
90,000 is a lot of money.
For God's sake, Ken, you agreed.
All we had to do was reach the finals.
- Win the final, I said.
- No, you didn't.
You bloody didn't.
You know damn well what you said.
You said as long as we did
as well as you had.
- We won the final.
- Ken, I was there. You didn't.
- We did.
- You didn't.
We did! Look, Sniveller, the bottom line is
if you want my money, you do what I say.
Understood?
What happened to the carrot, Ken?
I've ate it.
Right, come on, lads.
Ah, Lee, don't take your shirt off.
Get your shirt back on.
Eric, can I have a word?
Yeah.
- What's up?
- Yeah, well, it's Jimmy.
All this nonsense about these boots.
Eh?
Superstitions in this day and age,
it's just not healthy.
Come on, you ever walk down the street
afraid of stepping on the cracks?
No, I didn't, actually.
I just wanna say I need you
to leave Jimmy on the bench today.
You know, a long time ago...
...I was stood in this tunnel
about to go out there.
And I tell you, there's not much
in the world to beat that.
And you want me to rob someone of it?
You want me to break that kid's heart?
For what? For the school?
Or so when Burley's son goes out in front
of some scout, there's no competition?
Come on, Eric, let's be practical.
We need that sports hall.
It's not for me, it's for them.
- Shades of grey, remember?
- Some things are just in black and white.
Now, you want Jimmy off,
you come and tell him yourself.
Tell him.
Right, then, Jimmy...
you're on the bench today.
- Have you lost your marbles?
- What did you say?
I said are you off your head?
Any more lip out of you
and you'll be there, too.
Suits me, man, cos if he's not playing,
I'm not playing, neither.
All right, Jim?
Or me.
You can put me on the bench an' all.
Count me out as well.
Yeah, and me.
Looks like this is gonna be
an interesting match.
You all right, Sniveller?
- D'you get it all sorted?
- Will you stop calling me that?
All right, keep your hair on.
Anyway, it's not sorted.
Not in the way that you want.
I almost forgot.
This is my school, my school...
...and nobody tells me
how to run my school.
I've got my team
in the final of the Manchester Cup...
...and having a new sports hall
is not gonna better that.
- Come on, Greenock!
- Yeah. Come on, Greenock!
... number 6: Lee Wright,
number 7: Matthew Ahmed...
...number 8: Sean Delaney...
...number 9: Gordon Burley,
number 10: Jimmy Grimble...
Right... who's had me boots?
You all right?
- Where are they?
- What?
Where are the boots?
- What boots?
- Where are the boots?
Now listen, I don't know
what you're on about.
- What size are you?
- Seven.
Thanks.
Ah, these are top.
Try them on.
Try them on.
- How much?
- 99.99.
No, I can't. I can't do it.
I just can't.
Welcome back, motor neurones.
Jimmy.
Jimmy. You all right?
Listen, I've got something to tell you.
Erm...
Sorry.
Johnny's not gonna be staying with us
any more.
No. You don't get it, do you?
I'm losing it, like I used to.
Lost the old lady, lost me boots...
... I lost Harry.
Couldn't even find Robbie Brewer.
And even if you wanna give Two Dogs
the push...
... l'll only lose you to somebody else
I don't want.
- Let's have these, Greenock!
- Come on, we can beat these scallies!
Nice short passes.
We'll beat these bunch of muppets!
Let's get stuck in.
This is what we're playing for.
I'm a tiger, I'm a serial killer,
I'm Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon...
...I'm a terminator, I'm a tiger...
...I'm a serial killer.
- Come on!
- Let's go.
- Come on, Greenock.
Souvenir programme!
- Souvenir programme!
- Hiya, Bob.
- How are you?
- All right, mate. Thought you'd be here.
Yeah, sound.
Souvenir programme!
I just thought I'd, er...
come and watch the lad play.
- You don't mind, do you?
- You don't give up, do you?
No.
Where is she, then?
It's over.
Since when?
Since the first time I met you.
You're gonna be all right, Jimmy, son.
Just play your normal game.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome...
...Huntingdon Comprehensive
and Greenock High School!
Greenock! Greenock! Greenock!
Come on, Greenock!
Take it off him!
- Oh!
- What's that?
- Sorry.
Come on, kid.
Get it out!
Play up now, come on!
The biggest day of me life.
Every pass, it goes adrift.
Every ball, loose.
Can't tackle, can't shoot.
I'm cack. Cack, just like I used to be.
Come on, Gordon!
I want it now
I want it now
Not the promises
of what tomorrow brings
I need to live in dreams today
I'm tired of the song that sorrow sings
And I want more than I can get
- Keeper's, Grimble!
- Trying to, trying to
Trying to forget
Jimmy!
Huntingdon's goal
scored by number 11, Azeem.
- Huntingdon 1 Greenock 0.
- For Christ's sake, man.
Under skin is where I hide
Love that always gets me on my knees
Come on!
And I want more than I can get
Just trying to, trying to
Trying to forget
Nothing ever lasts forever
... number 9, Hardie!
Nothing ever lasts forever
Take your top off, son.
Get him off, get him off...
Get him off!
Get off, Grimble.
- Get him off.
About earlier... I was out of order.
What are you gonna do?
Take him off after the half.
- Come on, Greenock!
Come on, lads.
So that leaves us with
Huntingdon 2 Greenock 0.
Jimmy?
Jimmy?
Jimmy...
Come on, kid.
You make your own luck.
You know you do.
Jimmy. Look at me.
Look at me standing here.
Look at the size I am.
How do you think someone like me
gets the ball off of one of them big fellas?
Come on, kid.
I think you know.
You need bottle.
Real bottle.
But me...
...the only way I could ever find that
was by necking a bit before a match.
Just enough vodka to loosen me up.
Loosened me up so much one day
I come in with a late tackle on Gary Elm.
Thought from where I was standing there
was nothing to do but bring him down.
Thing is, Gary Elm never got up.
Gary Elm.
They stretchered Gary off.
The break the way it was...
...he barely walked again, let alone played.
Thing is, Jimmy...
...there's only one thing to rely on
when you're out there.
That's yourself.
He's right.
But what do they know?
What do they know about the boots
that gave me not just goals...
... but everything
I've ever wanted in me life?
Look, come on, kid...
...just think about it.
- Magic boots? Just a bit sort of...
- No, they are.
They're special. They are.
Not just for me. For him, too.
- For who?
- Robbie Brewer.
Brewer? Robbie Brewer?
Bloody hell! Don't sub him,
just give us a minute, will you?
Come on.
Bob!
Bob Brewer.
I tried to find her a few times.
Funny, I thought she might have
ended up on the streets.
So this is Robbie Brewer.
And the illness:
it's what was making him blind.
Robbie Brewer. Her son.
I never found out till later.
Stress, see? Makes it worse.
That's why she never told me.
She were doing it for the best.
So she told him a white lie.
Something to help him
through the bad times.
Like the one she told me
about some old boots.
Some boots...
- There weren't some boots, were there?
- Boots?
Yeah. She bought 'em for me about...
...when I was his age.
I were made City mascot, see?
Think they felt sorry for me, you know?
So there's no magic...
or anything like that?
Not unless they sell magic boots
at Woolworth's.
Now, if the magic's not in me boots...
... it must be in me feet.
And no-one's nicked them, that's for sure.
(Fatboy Slim: Right Here Right Now)
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Go, Jimmy, go!
Jimmy!
Go on! Give it to Gordon!
It's 2-1, with Greenock's first
goal from number 10, Jimmy Grimble!
Yes!
A goal! A goal at Maine Road!
Brilliant. Bosh!
Come on, Jimmy!
Go on, give him the ball now!
Gordon! Go on, Son!
That's it, you're through to an empty net.
The Greenock equaliser
scored by number 9, Gordon Burley!
Yeees!
- Try not to be a prat all your life.
- Yes, Psycho!
What?
Sad man.
2-2, and I've just seen
confirmation there's only one minute left.
Pick him up!
Go! Get out!
One minute to go, Grimble.
One minute. Come on!
Come on, come on, come on.
Come on, you can do it. Come on.
Come on, Grimble.
Jimmy! Pass it to me!
- Get it over!
- Go on, Jimmy!
Go! Go! Go!
- Go on, Jimmy.
- Cross it!
Jimmy!
Pass it!
- On me head!
- Give it to Gordon!
- Yes!
- Go on, give it to bloody Gordon!
And I thought "Yeah...
... why not?"
Goal!
An amazing last-minute third goal...
...that takes Greenock into the lead.
- That surely must be...
Yes, that's the final whistle:
Greenock 3 Huntingdon 2.
Yes!
Yes!
Greenock! Greenock!
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
- Right here, right now
- Jimmy!
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
- Right here
- Listen. That bloke over there...
- Well played, Greenock!
I'm really proud of you.
I love you, Mum.
I love you.
Come here.
Er, Jimmy.
Now, look, I'm afraid there's only one
place on the programme this season...
...so, er...
Jimmy, how would you like to join
Man United?
What?! Him?
That's very nice of you, but...
...Mr Wirral's just told me
I've got a better offer.
What can be better than Man United, son?
Man City.
Dad, Dad! Please, Dad, sort it out.
Offer him something.
Dad?
Hang on, hang on! What about my lad?
What? No, no. If I can't have him,
I'm having that goalie. He's quite handy.
Here...
Jimmy Grimble!
- You're making a big mistake.
- Dad? Dad...
I see you don't mind kissing some people.
- Suppose I can kiss you if you want.
- I don't want.
- No?
- No.
I do.
So there we are.
We've won, I've got the girl...
... and a new dad, all in one day.
And that sort of thing, well...
... it only happens in fairy tales, don't it?
And Mr Wirral?
I think we taught each other something:
... there is more to life than football.
Just kidding.
Sir?
MUSIC ...to spend a little lifetime
sitting in the gutter?
Scream out sympathy
How does it feel like
Sailing on the breeze?
And how does it feel like
- To spend a little lifetime
Sitting in the gutter?
Scream out sympathy...
(Contempo: Stronger)
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
Seems like we've waited far too long
For some good times to come along
And though it's no-one's fault but ours
It hasn't helped that
they've been dragging us down, too
This stinking hole has had its day
Gonna buy it up and have it razed
To the ground and in its place
Build a brand-new world just for us
West London screams
Well, can't you see your problem?
You can't see further than tomorrow
I'm getting stronger every day
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
Yeah, I'm getting stronger every day
You dish it out, I'll take it in
I can only grow from the lies you spin
If you're not scared then you should be
Cos nothing in the world'll
keep you from me
I'm coming home
Well, can't you see your problem?
You can't see further than tomorrow
I'm getting stronger every day
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
Yeah, I'm getting stronger every day
Well, I just can't wait any longer
I just keep on moving, getting stronger
Look up, look further than tomorrow
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
We can get stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
Stronger, stronger
Yeah, hear west London scream
Well, can't you see your problem?
You can't see further than tomorrow
I'm getting stronger every day
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
Yeah, I'm getting stronger every day
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger, stronger
We keep getting stronger, stronger
We keep on getting stronger,
stronger...