They Went That-A-Way & That-A-Way (1978) Movie Script
1
Couldn't ask for a prettier day.
Pretty tune.
Catchy.
Music can be soothing, too,
you know that, don't you?
That's what I hear. Yeah.
You know, that's how they got the
Romans to march great distances
without getting tired.
Constant thump of the drum drove them on.
Saw that in a movie.
Stump.
Oh, shut up!
What's the matter with you?
I saw that movie, that's...
Cut it out.
Check in with Bill.
Car One, Car One to Red Leader.
Car One to Red Leader, come in!
Car One to Red Leader,
Car One to Red Leader, come in.
Yeah.
Who is this?
- It's Bill.
- Oh, good. Just checking. Wanna make sure.
Hello. Hello.
Hi, Roy!
Car One.
Thing must've conked out again.
- Hello.
- Is this Bill Davis?
Yes, it is.
One moment
for Governor Clark, please.
Your party is on the line, sir.
Thank you. Bill!
Hi, Ron, I thought
they'd impeach you by now.
Very funny. How'd you like to
have your taxes raised, wise guy?
- How have you been?
- Great.
Listen, Bill, I wonder if you
could do me a little favor.
We've got some fellas from up here headed down
your way this weekend. They're due at 1:00.
Sure, send them on down.
Bill's a nice guy, you know that?
Couldn't ask for a better boss.
Yeah, terrific.
We wanted to be detectives.
And after a whole year,
do you know what I learnt?
You can't whistle.
Hey! Gosh!
Car One, we've got a live one.
We're on our way.
Going! Here we go!
You just spilled
coffee over my best clothes.
Where are you going?
We're going south on Six.
Will you slow down?
I can't, the pedal's stuck.
Hey,
there's Mrs. Pruitt! Hi!
Will you
please be careful?
Can't be the only ones
that washed their siren.
Will you get this thing
back on the road?
You're getting kind of
touchy, you know that.
Never mind!
Just follow the road.
Hold on a minute, Ron!
Get that pedal unstuck!
Want me to call Bill and
tell him we're gonna be late?
Yeah, call Bill and
tell him we're gonna be dead!
Doesn't this thing
ever run out of gas?
Say, Ron, I hate to ask you, but, uh,
you think you could do me a little favor?
I got a couple of boys working for
me down here that are really tops.
I mean, they really
know their way around.
Put the brakes on, you bonehead!
I can't! It doesn't do any good.
The motor's goin' too fast!
Huh? Aw, come on,
let me help you!
I'll get it! Hey, did I tell
you the right front tire's low?
The hell with the right front tire!
Who's driving this thing?
Oh, they can handle anything.
Well, if they're interested
you send them up to see me.
Oh, that's great. They'll be
flying when they hear about that.
Oh, that was my boys
that just drove in.
I'm going fishing now. Bye, Ron.
I like adventure in a man.
This won't hurt your chances for
advancement when you complete this.
Now, here's the project.
Twelve years ago, when I
was Prosecuting Attorney,
I convicted this man,
Butch Collins.
I want you to take
a good look at him.
He was sentenced to
20 years for armed robbery.
There was over $200,000
in government funds
that were never recovered,
but we believe that Butch Collins
knows where that money's hidden.
The only thing is,
he won't talk.
Your job is to get
that information.
What I want you to do
is pose as prisoners
of the Goose Creek
Prison Farm where Butch is.
From then on, it's your job to get
the information however you can.
Now, this is a great
opportunity for you boys.
Hell, it kind of reminds me of when
I first started practicing law.
I was struggling along
with a practice and,
um, something was given to me that
seemed unimportant at the time.
Well, as it turned out,
I won the case.
And it was brought to the
attention of the Mayor of the city.
He congratulated me and asked
if I'd like to join his staff.
Well...
I jumped at the opportunity.
Couple of years later,
I was head of that staff.
You see, that's one great thing
about this country of ours.
Any man can succeed in pulling
himself up to great heights,
especially couple of bright,
young men such as yourselves.
Now I can tell how
capable you both are.
Well, this could mean
a great deal to you.
You never know where that
break's gonna come, so
I believe in taking advantage of
everything that comes your way.
You know something?
This could be it!
Now, remember boys, you're
going in to a den of lions.
Oh, I wish I was a younger man.
I'd go with you.
You'll be in there with thieves,
cut-throats, the dregs of society.
Same man who smiles at you and offers
you a cigarette in the morning,
may turn around and slash your
throat for a candy bar at night.
Now, don't let
a kind face fool you.
Can't judge a crook
by his color.
That's not half bad!
Should use that
at the lodge some time.
But, anyhow, my staff
has been instructed to disavow
any knowledge of your identity.
Now, I'll draw up some papers
and prove you're real prisoners.
So, you'll be treated
like any other prisoner.
I'm gonna give you one month
to get the information.
Now, at the end of the month,
if you haven't got it,
I'm just gonna have to
call you off the job
and we'll just have to
write the whole thing off.
That's it!
We can do it, sir.
All right, we're gonna send you
down to the prison farm Saturday.
When you get there, you're on your own.
You're just two more cons.
Remember just the three of us
know about this, so good luck.
Mum's the word.
If you foul up, you eat
your hearts out, you understand?
What did you say?
All right,
get out of there.
What?
Out!
Is this it?
No, we're stopping
at Howard Johnson's.
Oh, well, get a maple nut
in a sugar cone, I'll be...
Get out!
Get over here.
Go scare up Billy Joe.
Wait right there.
Billy Joe!
Here we go.
Beauts, ain't they?
Both got 10 years
for armed robbery.
This here is Pork face Wallace.
The one on the end with
the glazed eyes is Dewey.
He wants a maple nut
in a sugar cone.
Good luck, boy.
Okay, who did that?
Uh, the big guy
right on the end there.
Old Brick, huh?
You know what? That letter
in my back pocket's for you.
From Fat Lucy.
And you ain't gonna
get it neither!
Well...
Okay, you clowns.
Warden's gonna
come out here now.
He's gonna tell you what's up
and you're gonna get to work.
Hey, hey, hey. Huh?
Shh! What do you mean, "Shh"?
He's the one who threw a rock at me,
so I'll throw it right back at him.
I know, I know, but we gotta
work and live with these guys.
Give me this. Stop.
Say! What the hell you
done brung to me now, Billy Joe?
Good God!
You two are off to a good start.
Okay, attention, you clowns!
This here's Warden Warden,
better known to you all as Gunner,
and he don't take nothing from nobody!
So don't you go
getting any ideas.
But he's a fair man.
You do right by him,
and he'll do right by you.
And now, here's your warden.
My name is Warden Warden.
But you can call me Gunner. I
want you two to get this straight.
I don't take nothin' from nobody
so don't nobody get any ideas.
I'm a fair man. You do right
by me and I'll do right by you.
Did I forget anything?
No, that about gets it.
Billy Joe'll show you
where your quarters are.
Now, check the worksheet in
the morning and stay straight,
'cause if you don't...
That's all.
Gunner? Where do you
want me to put them?
Find a place for 'em.
Do I gotta do everything
around here?
Okay, you clowns!
Now follow me. Come on. Heel!
You nuts!
Get!
Excuse me. Is that the carwash?
That's the warden's wife.
Very religious woman.
If you get any funny ideas...
Okay, you clowns.
This here is home.
We'll have dinner in 15 minutes
in C building that's
right across here.
Lights out at 8:00, up at 6:00.
Now, we grow what we eat here.
You don't grow nothin',
you don't eat!
You all get your work order
tomorrow morning.
Hey.
Which one of these beds
do we sleep in?
How the hell do I know?
What would you all do
if I weren't here? Huh?
Get!
People just don't think
for themselves anymore.
Seems like a nice guy.
Put it down, Stump!
We eat when we're all here
and accounted for!
Now, would you do me a favor?
Let me do all the talking.
We don't wanna be too obvious
to this Butch Collins guy.
Let's not, for Pete's
sake, blow this one, huh?
Hi.
Do you have a salad fork?
I'll have the, uh...
I'll have that. That's terrific.
The eggs Benedict, if you...
A little more gravy, please.
Good.
Wonder if you could
toast that for me, please?
Thank you.
Why don't we sit
together over here, huh?
Uh, excuse me.
By the window. Good.
Are you two comfortable?
Oh, fine, yes, thank you.
You all right? I'm fine.
How about you?
Thank you. Quite comfortable.
You sure you boys are
all right over there?
Yeah, fine, fine, fine. Yeah.
You don't mind
if we eat, do you?
You see, Gunner don't let anybody
eat till everyone is here.
Now that you're here,
maybe we can eat.
- Go right ahead.
- Be our guest.
Well, thank you.
Seems like a nice guy.
He sure does. Pardon me.
Would you mind passing the salt?
Want the salt?
Yes, please.
How's that?
Where you from?
Could I have
a bottle of milk, please?
Shut up!
I know all you fellas are
gonna give a nice, warm welcome
to two new friends we're gonna
have with us for a few years.
They're already
pretty popular with me.
And I know that you're
gonna be equally fascinated.
Now this here big time
operator is Wallace.
Hi, fellas.
And this one, here, with
the sagging puss, is Dewey.
Thank you, Warden. Friends,
fellow prisoners...
Sit down!
Now, since one of our friends here
decided to do some rock chucking today,
there ain't gonna be
no baseball after dinner.
Shut up!
Now, get to your beds 'cause I
feel a hard day coming on tomorrow.
Move out!
We better go.
Well, I still
didn't get any milk!
Aw, he didn't get his milk.
Well, let's give him
some milk, then.
How's this?
Nice man gave you the milk?
Thank you.
Brownies? Anyone want brownies?
Best I can do for now.
Work out something tomorrow.
If he thinks I'm gonna sleep
on that thing, he's nuts!
Aw, I'll take it. I'm not fussy.
Looking for a bunk?
Yeah, I am.
Hey, Brick, I bet old Duke wouldn't mind
letting Wallace use his for a while.
That's an idea.
It the best bunk here.
This one? Right by the window.
Ah, terrific, I...
I have this allergy.
I... I need a window.
Uh, where is this Duke fella?
Oh, he had a run in with Gunner,
so he's been in
the hotbox for a week.
What's a hotbox?
Hotbox?
Oh, it's a little place with a tin
roof on in the middle of a sucking bog.
Kind of a resort.
Oh, something like a sauna.
Well, thank you
very much for this.
I'll just use it
till he returns.
My pleasure.
Good night.
Open up.
How many times I told you no
drinking on the premises? Open it.
Open it!
Come on out, Duke.
You had enough, Duke?
That's up to you, Warden.
Take him back, Billy Joe.
If we have to do it again,
we'll try it out for a month.
Come on, move out!
Hey! Hey! What the...
I can't sleep, can you?
Not any more, I can't.
Would you go to bed?
You know, with this allergy, I'm
gonna need all the sleep I can get.
What?
What?
I think they like us.
Well, that's nice.
Go, get to bed!
Good night, Wally!
Would you get out of here?
Fire!
Fire! Fire! Fire!
Everybody out of...
All right, let's hit it!
Truck leaves in 20 minutes!
Pull on out!
Okay, okay, come on, boys!
Move them out quick, now!
Feel a long, hard day coming on!
Get on up there, all y'all!
Move!
One, two... Move!
Three, four.
One, two, three, four.
Morning, Billy Joe!
I didn't see you there.
Morning, Margie Dell.
Oh, don't let me interrupt.
Come on, comrade, let's
get everyone moving here now!
Yes, sir!
Come on, comrade!
The longer you drag here,
the harder it's gonna get.
Keep it down in there and move!
Move, I said!
Margie Dell, now, Margie Dell,
Margie Dell, oh, Margie Dell.
I wouldn't be doing that kind of
thing if I was you, not around here.
Not especially
in front of the boys.
Now, you know they're... They're
nothing but a bunch of animals
when it comes to a woman.
Why, they might take one look at a purty
thing like you and they might think...
Oh, Lord knows
what they might think.
Don't be silly, Billy Joe.
Why, I must look a fright what
with just getting up and all.
Oh, you sure don't look no
fright to me, Margie Dell.
Oh, Billy Joe.
Oh, Margie Dell.
Well.
You know, being a Warden's
wife gets real lonely.
Know what I mean, Billy Joe?
Yeah. Margie
Dell, where's my belt?
On the back of the chair!
What the deuce
is it doing there?
- Margie Dell?
- Uh-huh?
Sure was nice seeing you.
Nice being seen.
Bye, Billy Joe.
Bye.
& All I care for you to
do Is be my darling kissy poo! &.
How long you dopes in for?
Uh, us?
Hey, you see any other
dopes sitting here?
No.
Ten years for armed robbery.
Then we get parole.
Yeah? What did you hit?
Hit? Uh...
Yeah, hit! Tap! Rob!
Oh, we hit a bank!
Bank.
Yeah? What'd you grab?
- Grab?
- What was your haul?
- Haul?
- How much money did you get?
Uh, we were, uh, we were hauling,
grabbing there about a half hour.
About 45 minutes or so.
We got about thirty thou. Right.
We'd have got more if
it wasn't loose change.
Yeah?
Where'd you pull the job?
Where did you pull the job?
Yeah.
Wasn't that near your mother's?
I think so.
Uh... Yeah.
Did you ever hear of the
First National Bank of Lawson?
No.
That was it. Yeah, that's good.
Yup, that was the bank.
If I hadn't taken
a slug in the shoulder,
we'd have been sittin'
pretty right now.
- Right there.
- Still hurts in damp weather.
- That's it, that's the one.
- Yeah?
Interesting.
Say, any you guys happen
to know Butch Collins?
What do you want
with that old goat?
Uh... Uh, well, he, uh...
He has some friends that
want to be remembered. Yeah.
Yeah? Is that right?
Well, somebody tapped him on
the head with a two-by-four
and he don't remember
much anymore.
Oh, well, I hope he
remembers where he hid the...
He means, he hopes
that his friends
remember where they met
him or he met his friends.
Yeah?
Well, good luck!
- Thank you, Mr. Duke.
- Good luck to you, Mr. Duke.
I'm not gonna sit here anymore.
Don't forget to
bring the jugs back.
I ain't forgotten yet, have I?
Oh, uh, I almost forgot, I almost forgot!
Here's a box of brownies for you!
I'll say one thing
about your sister,
she sure keeps
in touch with you.
Yeah. She's great that way.
Thank you. Thank you kindly.
Did I tell you to remember
to bring the jug back?
Yeah, yeah, you told me,
Butch. Thank you.
"Dear, Butch."
"How are you?"
"I am fine."
Gee, I'm glad to hear that.
"It's still raining here."
"I don't think it'll ever stop."
"Horses."
"George is fixing
the roof over the garage."
I'll bet he's getting
wet up there.
Sis, your fixin's...
Oh, here they are.
All right, comrades,
let's move 'em out!
Got a holy mess of work to do.
Got to get it done
before we eat.
Otherwise, we ain't gonna eat!
Everyone move!
Come on, let's move
it out now, come on!
Billy Joe said move it out,
you move it out right now.
It's Billy Joe to
Station One, come in!
Come on,
Station One, Billy Joe here!
This is Station One.
Gunner?
Oh, no,
guess again.
Margie Dell?
You win a big surprise!
Oh, yeah? I just might come on over
there and collect that big surprise.
Double dare you!
Hey, Gunner back yet?
Uh-uh. Ain't no one here
but me and Carlie.
Carlie, huh? What the
deuce is he doing there?
Why, Billy Joe,
you do sound jealous.
I ain't jealous. Just that
he's got his work to do.
Listen, tell Gunner
ready to go on Goose Creek.
Bye!
Bye!
Man!
That's one mess of woman!
Come on, there, move out.
Let's get going.
Everyone goes back to work.
What you all looking at?
Move it, move it!
Duke, you sure those clowns
don't know about Butch?
Yeah. I hope for their sake
they don't know nothin'.
Come on!
Sorry, we're late, but he
couldn't find his shaving lotion.
You know we only have 30 seconds to eat.
That's enough. Come on!
Here, this all right?
All right! Go on! Move in!
Come on, move, move, move, move!
Hey, you gonna eat that?
Any butter?
Well, at least
I got one meal in.
I didn't get a chance
to eat anything.
That's because you're not
smart enough to eat in a hurry.
What was that stuff? I
don't know but it was good.
What was that stuff he's eating?
Possum.
That's possum.
Aren't those, those things
that look like a rat?
Say they're awful greasy.
I saw one in a zoo once. All he did
was to hang upside down and go...
Awful looking thing.
It takes a long time
to get the fur off.
Boy.
Bet that taste will be
with you for a long time.
Possum!
Say, they'll eat anything.
You won't believe what they use
for bait when they try to trap 'em.
I hope you can
join us for dinner.
Brownies! Brownies!
Doesn't anyone
want dessert? Brownies?
Close again, Butch.
Hey, Pop!
I couldn't help over hear.
Are you Butch Collins?
Yeah, that's right!
Come on, you clowns!
We got four miles of road
to cover, so let's move.
Yeah, but I gotta...
No, no move! Come on!
You don't seem to understand.
Hush up, hush up, now, move!
I gotta talk
to this Butch.
I said,
move, lump jaw!
Outside! Everyone, outside!
Got my eye on you, Lester!
This ain't no farm, now.
Shake leg!
What are you on strike?
Junior, I'm watchin' you!
Hey Duke, I'm still worried
about those two guys.
What do you think?
I don't know,
but I'm gonna find out.
I heard you were sentenced
by Judge Melbourne.
You did. Well, uh, if
the records say that...
I'll talk to him.
Yeah, we were
sentenced by Melbourne.
And when we get out of here, we're
gonna tear him into little pieces.
We are? Sure we are.
Yeah.
Yeah? Well, he's pretty tough.
Well,
we're even tougher!
He doesn't scare us one bit!
That's right. Very
few people scare us.
You got you're...
I'll help you with that.
Hey, Duke,
I thought Judge
Melbourne was a woman.
Yeah, she is.
I think our friend Wallace, here,
is trying to pull something.
Some detective work
this turns out to be.
Three weeks we're in this dump
and we don't have the first idea
where that old nut hid the money.
He doesn't remember a thing
since he got hit on the head.
You know, it's getting
very hard to work with you.
I think it's interesting
seeing how the prisoners live.
Oh, you do, huh?
Well, remind me when we get out of
this dump to tell Governor Clark
that you'd like to spend
the rest of the 10 years here.
Oh, I don't like it that well.
Hey, Doc?
Warden wants to see you
in the infirmary.
"Doc"?
What are you talking about?
Well, Glen Walters
was our regular doctor,
but he got out today,
so I guess you're in.
Says here on your fact sheet, went
to medical school for two years.
Well, shoot, that's good
enough for this joint. Come on.
Well, wait a minute,
you see, that's from the Governor.
Come on, come on!
Gunner's waitin'!
You don't...
So long, Doc!
Come on, let's get
this over with!
Here he is, Gunner.
Yeah, uh, what?
Pull this tooth.
It's killin' me.
Pull it?
Well, you don't understand, you see,
uh, I'm not, uh... You're not what?
I'm not, uh, I'm not washed up.
Well, get washed up!
Yeah, but it's on the,
uh, record...
Get a move on!
See you later, Chief.
Yeah. I'd like to explain about
the, uh, the records on the...
Come on! Right.
Well...
Supposed to get this right, too.
Uh, sometimes those records aren't,
uh, what they're cracked up to be.
Well, let's take a look at it.
All right, take a look at it.
Open right up there.
One right on this side.
Over here. That looks, uh,
that looks pretty good.
Now, come on, you stupid,
you get goin' and pull
this thing, will you?
Pull it? And get a move on!
Oh, boy, if I pull it,
it's gonna hurt.
I don't care. Get some
Novocain and give me a shot!
Hurry up!
Get a move on! I'm goin' now!
I'm on the case.
Here.
Come on, come on, there.
Okay, here you go.
Here, you just take
that and, uh...
Listen, you give me a shot,
or else you're gonna find
your place in a new location.
Now get a move on you
and pull this thing!
Give me a shot right now!
Come on!
What's the matter? Nothing, nothing.
Be with you...
In just a moment, uh...
Little devil stings, doesn't it?
This is gonna just be
a moment of pain.
Get a move on!
Ain't but one tooth!
Hurry up! Yup!
Okay, that should, uh...
That should just...
What're you doing? I'll
be, uh, just a moment.
Some other things.
I've never seen such
a stupid in my life.
Will you... Uh...
Here, what we'll do, we'll just
put a little piece of, uh...
What're you doin'?
Just cotton to hold that open
for you, if you just, uh...
Well, put it in there!
Put it there! Put it there!
Okay, now, here.
Come on, get a move on.
It stings.
What the...
Relax. Important thing here.
Okay.
Never seen such
movement in all my life.
Now what's the matter?
Nothing, nothing.
Come on, get a move on, you!
You have no patience,
you see, if, uh...
Okay, if you just... There. If
you'll just open up and we'll...
It's that far one in the back.
What's...
What's the...
I ain't never seen such a
mess in all my life. Come on!
My God.
Just one tooth, acting
like it's a hundred.
What the trouble with you?
Just resting.
Okay. All right, let's have it.
Let's have it!
Here we are.
I don't feel nothin'.
I do.
Now, just, uh...
There. Now, just, uh...
Come on, will you please?
I'll get it, I'll get it!
Phone.
Come on!
I can't take it no more!
Wait till I get you.
Get you in that hotbox!
Hold on!
He's right here! Right!
It's... It's for you!
Everything okay, Chief?
You get that jerk back to the
mess hall where he belongs.
Come on.
Come on, let's go.
I feel a hard day comin' on.
Of all the dumb,
stupid people in this world.
Don't talk to me!
Don't talk to me!
You stay on your inch, and I'll
stay on mine! Keep away from me!
What do you say, Butch?
What you want?
What do I want?
I want the two hundred
thousand, that's what I want.
I got another
three thousand today.
That makes almost
forty-five thousand.
Yeah. Well, that doesn't get it.
It's comin' in too slow.
Now, like I said before,
you get up the two hundred
thousand, we split,
and we leave you
and your sister alone.
Well, it's gonna take a while.
Look, just send
your sister a note.
Have her make some more of
those homemade brownies.
The ones with the green centers.
I'll try.
No, don't try, Butch.
Do it!
We'll be in touch.
Uh-oh. Here comes trouble.
Why are you so afraid
of that guy, anyway?
Are you kiddin'?
Look at the size of him!
Yeah, but listen, if we're
gonna be living with these guys,
we gotta show them that we
aren't gonna be pushed around.
Think so? Yeah.
Besides, probably nothin'
but a big old sissy anyway.
You're probably right.
I'll tell you what,
why don't you test him
and see if he doesn't
back down on us.
Maybe you
got a point there.
I need a jug of water.
So?
"So"? So, get it!
So, get it yourself!
Hold it!
Morning, Warden, how are you?
Oh, morning, Warden.
What's goin' on in here?
Maybe you two would like to spend
a little time in the hotbox.
Oh, wait a minute, Warden,
uh, I got a better idea.
Why don't we put on the
gloves and settle it that way?
You know, put on an
exhibition for the boys.
The way you like boxing.
Hey, you know,
you got a good idea. Yeah.
Let's put on the gloves.
Oh, no, wait a minute. It'll
be our pleasure, Warden.
Yes, sir, he'll be happy
to meet you in the ring.
Are you out of your mind?
What're you talkin' about?
You had him on the run. He's
nothin' but a big sissy!
Are you kiddin' me?
You're gonna be
the new camp champ.
Think so? Sure.
Give him another one.
Big bag of wind.
Wait till he hits that big fat
sucker in his bubble belly.
Okay, you boys know the rules.
You can use an open glove.
You can gouge,
you can rabbit punch,
you could put
a thumb in his eye,
you could hold in clinches,
and, best of all, you
could punch below the belt.
The Warden loves that one.
Now go back to your corners,
and when the bell rings,
come out and kill yourselves.
By the way,
I've got 50 bucks
on the Duke, here.
Hey, I'd like to put a
couple bucks on Duke.
What do you mean, you'd like to put a
couple of bucks on Duke? What about me?
Well, if he's got 50 bucks
on him, he must be somethin'.
Whose side are you on?
Put a ten spot on him.
I hope I'm doin' the right thing.
'Course we are.
What do you mean "we"?
Look, I hired Willard here.
He's gonna be your trainer.
You just listen to whatever he says
and, believe me, it's gonna be okay.
All right, what should I do?
Well, if you get a chance,
hit him!
I only gave him three bucks. I mean, I'm
not out that much, you know what I mean?
I don't wanna see another
boxing glove as long as I live.
Camp champ, camp chump!
Your nose still hurt?
Say, uh, how about
a nice cup of tea?
I don't want any teal.
Yeah, well...
How about some iced tea?
Okay, all right, then.
I'll have some iced tea.
Okay, all right.
Tell you what, I think
I'm gonna make a whole pot.
Make a pot, make
a bucket, make a bail,
make a barrel full.
I don't care.
Three bags ought to do it.
One, two, three.
Hey, look! Look at this tea!
What? Look at the tea!
Very fascinating.
I once saw a cup in 1944,
It reminded me a lot of you.
You know why?
It had a crack in the cup!
Will you look at the tea?
If I look at the tea, would you promise
I don't have to look at the milk?
There, I looked at it, okay?
I don't see what's so
fascinating about a pot of tea
with a thousand dollar
bill floating in it.
Ah! A thousand dollar bill!
What's what I said, yeah!
Let me see that!
It is, it is, it is, it is! It's a thousand
dollar bill. Where'd you get this?
It was in the can! The can?
My goodness, look, it's
a can full of money!
Boy, I better order some tea.
No, no, no, you idiot! Don't you get it?
Don't you see?
Sure, I made tea with
thousand dollar bills.
No, no, no, no.
He hid the money in the tea can.
He hid the money in the tea can.
Who'd ever think of lookin' for
it in a tea can in a prison?
I did.
Yeah, but you're not normal.
Oh, boy, do you know
what this means?
This means the Secret Service.
You, well, we better get this money
right to the Governor right away.
Oh, no, no, no, we don't
get out until Saturday.
In the meantime, we'll have
to keep our eye on the tea.
Right.
What about the money?
The money is the tea!
I don't get it. You don't have to get it.
You got it.
I got it.
I doubt it.
You better give me the pot.
Al right.
Well,
only three more of these morning
duty calls and then we can
kiss this place goodbye.
Then it's gonna be the
Secret Service for us.
You really think so?
Are you kidding?
Governor Clark knows two
good men when he sees them.
Move over, huh?
You clowns all settled?
Good.
All yours, Gunner.
I feel a hard day
comin' on today.
Billy Joe'll show you
where your worksheet is,
but first we got an announcement
from the State Capitol.
"To all concerned, The State
Capitol regrets to inform you"
"that last night at 11:05"
"our beloved Governor Ronald
Clark died of a heart attack."
He was a good man.
Let's bow our heads.
Now, remember, only the three
of us know about this. Good luck.
Gunner, couple of the boys
outside wanna talk to you.
Don't you ever knock?
How do you know I don't have
somebody important in here?
You just come chargin' in. You
ain't got no respect for nobody.
I'm sorry, Gunner.
Sorry don't paint your barn.
Now, when you want me, how
many times I done told you?
When you want me, you knock.
So, you get outside and knock.
Right, sir.
I knew the minute I hired him I was
gonna end up in a blaze of hog slop.
Now, what do you want?
I didn't knock.
Why not?
You said you was busy.
I said I might be, that's why...
Get in here!
Now, what do you want?
You busy now?
What do you want?
Couple of the boys outside
wanna talk to you.
Matter of utmost importance.
Well, get 'em in here. Yes, sir.
All right, you clowns,
haul it on in here!
Thank you. Get!
Hi.
Warden, how are you, sir.
Pleasure to meet you.
Uh, why don't you start?
Uh, Warden,
my partner and I, and I use
the word "partner" because
we are, in effect, partners.
That's exactly
what we are, partners.
We are, uh...
We are secret agents.
Well, we're not really
secret agents yet.
We're agents.
Before we get into that, I
don't think that perhaps, maybe,
we're getting of
on the right foot.
We haven't really been
formally introduced.
We've seen each other
around, but we haven't met.
This is Dewey,
Investigator Dewey,
and I am Investigator
Agent Wallace.
Getting back
to our problem,
we have acquired...
There were three people
who were in on
this particular, uh...
Well, there were three people.
It was a case that we were on.
Former Governor Clark,
and Wallace, and myself.
You can
well imagine how I felt,
I mean, the surprise and shock,
when we found out this morning,
when you told us that,
when you told me, uh...
All of us that Governor
Clark had gone to the big
capitol in the sky,
that he's no longer
with us, so let us pray.
Well, there's no time for praying
anymore because, actually,
what we have right now
is a problem.
Uh, he was the only one who
knew why we were here. Put here.
And, so, therefore...
He's gone. Definitely.
So we should be gone now.
Now, we need to get this information
to Governor Collier, now.
The new Governor who has
replaced the dead Governor.
Uh, so, uh, the
sooner we do this,
the better off it'll be
for everybody concerned.
You, we need some transportation
to get to the Capitol,
so we'd like to borrow your car.
We'd pay for the gas.
It isn't just a question of
taking the car and going away.
Then at the Capitol,
we'll probably...
Bring it back. Bring it back.
Or we could return it. An
agent might bring it back.
Anybody could bring it back.
We would have it back to you.
Uh, I know your rule is
that you don't let any vehicles in
other than the prison vehicles,
so we could wait for it
outside the gate.
Go right outside
there and get it.
Or take a bus.
We could walk, or hitch.
How about it?
Get out of here! Go on, get out, now!
Move! Move!
Did you tell him about the...
I told him.
- Gunner, I'm sorry.
- Get out!
Move! Move, now! Get! Get!
Now, you all wait right here.
Gunner, want me to take 'em to the Doc?
Get out!
You got it!
You never listen. Hey!
You guys got me in a
heap of trouble with him.
What's up, Billy Joe?
Seems like we got us a
couple of secret agents here.
Yeah?
Uh-huh.
This is another opportunity.
Uh, it's not exactly that
we're secret agents. Uh...
We'd like to be secret agents.
Come on, come on!
- Why don't you tell him?
- I'm not gonna get hit in the head.
I just got the word from Lugs.
Our friend, Butch, got
another box of brownies.
If they're the right
flavor, we make the break.
How about tomorrow?
We go when I say.
I didn't mean that. I just wanna
get out of here soon as we can.
Yeah, well, I'll tell
you when we can leave.
Right. I'm with you.
Look, the main thing right
now is to keep clean.
I don't want anybody
to get hurt.
The worst thing would be for one of
us to get in the hotbox for a month.
If that happens, our whole escape
plan goes right out the window.
Get that gun out of here.
Hey! Yeah?
Why didn't you tell me to move?
Oh, uh, move.
All right, you fellas!
This ain't no cocktail hour.
Now, we got work to do.
When you're finished here, you
hit them trucks and move out.
None of that
whiney-diney stuff.
Not there! Do it over there!
- Hey! Come here! Look!
- What?
What?
Where'd they get all that money?
I don't know.
Maybe out of the can.
The can! Open the can! Open it!
What's the matter? It healed!
What do you mean, "it healed"?
You got the wrong end!
It's gone. They took the money.
We gotta get it.
Yeah, I'll go ask 'em for it.
No, no, you can't
ask 'em for it.
They're never gonna give it
to you on a silver platter.
We gotta take it, then, uh...
Then we gotta get out of here.
Make a break for it.
Let's take the cookies.
Take the cookies.
Take the cookies.
What're you eating
at a time like this for?
Just follow me.
I don't like cookies.
We gotta get that money, or we'll
never get out of here. Follow me.
Hi, Warden! Uh, your favorite.
Tollhouse cookies
I'll try a couple.
Ah, don't try a couple
of 'em, try 'em all.
What're you doing, you crazy?
What're you doing?
Okay, stay where you are.
Give me those guns.
Come on, give me that.
Give me here. This is trouble.
Take it.
All right, everybody,
it's a stick up.
I don't believe them boys
got both oars in the water.
Get your hands up!
What's up, fellas? Get 'em up!
Geez!
It's a stickup!
Okay, here, get this.
Give me that can. Huh?
Give me the can.
You know what
we want, fellas. Okay.
That's the collection plate.
Now, fill it.
Fill it!
That's it. You're next, fatso.
Come on.
That's it.
Thank you very much for
your contribution. Now you.
No, no, you got some, too.
Come on.
You got some, too.
Please?
Pretty please?
I'll be a suck egg mule.
Sorry, but that's
the way things go.
Thank God. I got it.
Not that we didn't
enjoy cooking for you guys,
but, uh, listen, we want you
to sit right where you are.
Right where you are!
Now, I don't anybody to move
until we get to the gate.
Or else you get this.
What? This!
I'll cover for you,
you get out. Go!
Hurry up!
Hurry!
Get going!
Where's the key? The office!
Give me the gun!
Give me the gun!
Can't you hear me? Operator?
Where's that Billy Joe?
That flat head's never
around when I need him.
Margie Dell, shouldn't
I get the phone?
No, no, let it ring!
Probably Gunner
wants some dumb thing.
Margie Dell.
Don't fight it, Billy Joe.
Look for the keys to the truck.
There ain't no keys there.
Now what are we gonna do, huh?
Keys! Keys! I got the keys!
Hold it now.
Give him the keys.
Okay, give him your
gun and whistle.
Give him your gun and whistle.
Hey, you know something?
Maybe we out to take hostages.
Good idea.
Margie Dell will go.
No, we better take
all of 'em. Okay.
Margie Dell wouldn't
be no trouble.
In the truck. Yes, sir.
Both of you, in the truck!
Move it! Move it!
There they are! Hey! They got
Billy Joe and Margie Dell!
If they lay a hand on her!
What do you think
we out to do now?
Just get over to the office. See if
we can't pick 'em up on the radio.
Okay. You want me to
call the highway patrol?
Are you crazy? No tellin' what them
idiots will try to do to Margie Dell.
Just wait till get my hands on 'em.
I'll show 'em who's boss here.
Couple of those smart alecs.
Come on, what's the matter with you?
Let's get goin' here!
When I see 'em, I'll show 'em.
I'll put 'em in the hotbox.
Goin' out, Billy?
I'm afraid so, sugarfoot.
Open the gate.
Something wrong with you, boy?
No, no, everything's fine,
just fine, fine.
Well, see you later, then.
Lord, I hope so.
What do you think of those two
idiots screwing up a perfect day?
Yeah?
But the day ain't over yet.
Come on.
Come on, lump jaw, don't you
know how to work a radio?
Yes, sir.
Boy, you guys ain't
gonna get away with this.
What? Don't get me wrong,
I wish you all the best of luck.
Say, uh...
Is that someone following us?
I don't see anybody
following us.
That's them.
Where
y'all headin' for, anyway?
The Governor's house.
The Governor's house?
The Governor's house,
South on 44.
Sounds like they're headed
for the Governor house.
Is that right?
Well, send out an
all points bulletin
that two armed prisoners is
headed for the Governor's house.
Hold it!
We'll take the
messages from now on.
Well, you aren't worried,
are you? No need to worry!
You see, we are,
in reality, secret agents.
We're taking certain
information to the Governor.
Now, soon as we give him that
information, he might free us.
More likely,
even give us a medal.
I'm sure he will.
Might even give you some candy.
Possible.
Pull over to the first
gas station you see.
Now what you all got in mind?
I wanna get rid of this thing,
it's too easy to spot.
So, uh,
you're gonna dump this here truck,
which means we won't be
in this truck anymore!
That's right!
It's too easy to spot!
What?
It's too easy to spot!
Hot back here, too!
I think I can get loose.
Hold it! Hold it!
What's the trouble?
There's no trouble.
We just have to get a car or
something till we get there.
This thing sticks out
like a sore thumb.
Here he comes.
Howdy. Howdy.
Well, what'll it be?
Uh, uh, just a minute.
What should I tell him?
What should he tell him?
Well, we need
a car or something.
Yeah. Well, tell him... Wait a minute,
what about that car over there?
Yeah, ask him about
that car over there.
Whose car is that?
Uh, that's my wife's.
He says it's his wife's.
He says it's his wife's.
I don't see any other one.
What do you think?
What do you think?
Huh?
Think.
Think, think? What do you think?
He don't think nothin', he don't
think nothin', you know that?
Yeah, know what I think?
I think we out to ask that guy how
that car runs, that's what I think.
You know what I think?
You shouldn't think.
When you think, nothing.
When I think, something.
- Know what I think?
- What?
You gotta think again
because you know what?
Even if we did take that car, how're
we gonna get it without him...
askin' any questions?
We got one or two choices.
We tell him that we're on official
business and we're gonna borrow the car.
Right.
My second suggestion is that we
tell him we're escaped convicts
and take him and the car
and maybe let him go, okay?
Okay, right.
Right.
Hey, before you all
make your choice,
can I hear that
first suggestion?
Excuse me, he didn't hear
the first suggestion,
the one where you told him
that Billy Joe was gonna be...
Get in the car.
Get in the car.
Oh, uh, I's gonna close at 5.
Everybody in the car!
Maybe we out to step on it.
We still got 20 miles to go.
Right.
No, I'm driving,
get in the back.
Would you get in?
I'll drive the car, you hold
the gun on them in the backseat.
Get in!
Okay, we're off, here we go.
No you can't.
Oh, you shut up
and give me the key.
That's what I mean.
My wife's got the key.
His wife has the key.
What do you think?
I think we better find
out where his wife is.
Good thinking.
Where's your wife?
Well, uh, she's inside
the store, workin'.
His wife is inside
the store, working.
I heard him.
He's only back there.
Don't you think now you
should go in and get the keys?
- You know somethin'?
- What?
I'm wearin' a prison uniform.
Maybe you ought to go in.
Oh, I never thought of that.
Wait a minute, what do you
think I'm in, a jogging' outfit?
Get the key! Huh?
What am I gonna tell "em?
Tell 'em it's Halloween.
In July?
You're goin' early.
All right, let's get goin'!
Like this?
I don't want Margie Dell
to see me in my underwear!
Come on, let's get out of here!
Yes, sir!
Move it! Yes, sir!
Uh, Hello? You! Hello?
- What'll it be?
- Uh, oh, uh, I need the keys to your car!
Your husband wants to move it.
Oh, they're on the birdcage.
Right.
Yeah, bird.
Yeah, I'm gonna take the keys.
We need to move it from, uh...
You don't care.
- Oh, uh, how much are these mints?
- Ten cent a piece!
Right, I'm gonna take some
if you don't mind, I'm...
I'll just settle up
with your husband.
All right.
Unless you got change
for a thousand.
Say what?
Uh, two,
four, six, eight.
- Who are you?
- Huh?
I'm just going to
a Halloween party.
In July?
I thought it was a little early too,
but he said it was okay and I, uh...
Yeah, I'm goin' as a prisoner.
Oh, well, you gave me a
start there for a minute.
Is that thing real?
Uh, no, no, no. I, um...
I made this from
a Captain Johnny Kit.
Yeah, they're, uh... They
look almost real, don't they?
Yes, they do.
Yeah, they're only $5.95.
They're real sturdy, too.
Just stay! Wait! Lady, hey!
Oh, hey, lady, look,
wait a minute!
Ah, listen.
Eunice, darlin" Did he shoot you?
Did he?
What happened?
What happened?
What happened?
Well, uh, she told me that I said,
"No, it's a Captain Johnny thing."
Then she said, "It's real,"
then I said, "No."
She did the same thing
the first time!
Look it this.
You're gonna have everybody
here within 30 miles after us.
Did you get the keys?
Yeah, I got 'em.
All right, okay, now let's
get in the car. Come on.
All right, everybody,
let's move out of here!
Come on, out of here!
Dolly!
No. I can't leave
here without Dolly.
- What Dolly?
- Can't leave her alone.
Dolly's our dog.
Aw, no, we don't have
room enough for dogs.
Look at how many
people we got, huh?
No dogs. She won't go.
No, I won't go.
We don't have any room for a dog.
Are you kiddin'?
I feel pretty bad about
takin' these people anyway.
Now, how can I separate
"em from their families?
How much room can a dog take?
Okay, get the dog.
Go ahead, get the dog!
Get the dog! You happy?
You wanna take a cat?
How about that bird over there?
Would you like to take the
little birdie with you, huh?
Okay?
Oh, I must be starved. That's
why I get as fat as I am.
Don't eat the doughnut.
Why not? I'll pay for it.
Well, I killed
a fly on there, so.
Want a mint?
Doesn't take up any room, huh?
That's cute little
thing, isn't it?
They got a pretty good
start on us.
Do you want me to
catch up with 'em?
No. I got a better idea.
Head for the Governor's house.
Take the back way. Down 86.
All right, come on,
hurry up now, let's go. Come on.
Could we get goin' before
somebody calls the Governor
and blows this
whole thing on us?
Now, you drive,
I'll sit up front,
and I'll make sure that
nothing goes wrong.
I didn't see a thing.
I just deliver these eggs
and be on my way to home,
where I bet you I won't talk
to anybody in three weeks.
Get in the car.
In the car. Take him with us.
Take everybody with us!
Take everybody with us!
Just get in the car!
Get in the car!
Somebody move that dog.
I'm sittin' on his tail!
Move his tail!
Hey, you got the dog's tail stuck.
You got the dog's tail...
Move the tail!
Get those eggs out of here.
He's slobberin' up the window.
Get... Move this thing out!
Love monster.
Hey, man! A circus car!
Where're you cats performing?
We're not performing. We're
going for a ride in your hearse.
You gotta be kidding, man.
We got a gig in an hour.
We gotta rock 'n' roll!
We're gonna be late.
Out and in that hearse.
Everybody out of the car.
Get the dog, hurry up.
Open the door, open
the door, open it!
Go ahead!
Come on.
All right, butter
and eggs, inside.
You, too, Marshall, in!
There's no room for me in there.
Make room.
Watch your hands!
They're heading for the
Governor's house with the money!
Good day, gentlemen.
Good day. We're here
on official business.
Is the Governor here?
Yes, this is his house.
He's entertaining the
Japanese Ambassador today.
Well, we won't be long.
Would you, uh,
like me to park the car?
Yeah, I'll tell you what.
Why don't you leave it at the side of
the house and just leave the keys in it.
Right.
Uh, can I help you gentlemen?
Yes, Governor.
I'm Officer Taylor.
We got a bit of a problem.
We got a phone call about
a bomb threat here tonight.
Seems that a couple of prisoners
escaped from down south of here
and they're headed up this way.
They said they're gonna blow
up the Governor's house.
Now, it could be nothin' but
we can't take any chances.
We'd kind of like to
keep an eye out for 'em,
mingle along your party,
just in case.
You know, it is very important
this affair goes very smoothly.
Well, don't worry,
they'll never notice us.
Right.
Boys?
Uh, can I help you?
Uh, yes, uh...
We're the entertainment.
Oh, yes, you can, uh, park next
to the prison car over there.
Okay.
Yipes!
Uh, pardon?
Uh, uh, I was just telling Yipes
here to park next to the prison car.
Go ahead, Yipes.
Oh, look, it's the warden's car.
They must have beat us.
We gotta get to the Governor
now before they spot us.
Oh, what're we gonna do? We're
never gonna get out of this mess!
You know something else? What're you gonna
do with those people in the back, huh?
Hey, put it in the garage.
Put it in the garage.
Uh, let the valet do that,
I don't know.
Put it in the garage.
It's gonna be close.
By the way, where is
that interpreter?
I can't sit here bobbing
at this man all day long.
Well, he's late, sir.
I'm sure he'll be here.
Thank you.
You sure it's locked? Yeah.
How're you gonna get these
people out of sight, though?
Here.
Quiet.
Go!
Hey! That's the Warden!
That's not the Warden!
That's Duke!
Now, with Duke out there, we'll
never get to see the Governor.
Pardon me.
I'm the interpreter. Could
you direct me to the Governor?
Uh, yeah, he's, uh, he's
right out here in the tent.
I think I'm going to take you personally
to the Governor's new chambers.
Would you step right this way?
Follow me.
This isn't gonna work.
This is not gonna work.
How am I gonna be an interpreter?
I don't even speak Japanese.
Well, I got news for you.
You don't even look Japanese.
Besides, you don't have
to speak Japanese.
No, because as soon as
you see the Governor,
you're gonna say,
"Hey, Governor, look, I got
this can, and guess what?"
"I got money in
the can, Governor."
Now, what you gonna
tell the Governor?
Well, I could talk to him
about the tax situation.
And another thing I noticed.
You know, when we were out
working on the road,
there are potholes there that
they are supposed to be working...
No. I'm gonna go with you.
We didn't come this far
for you to screw up now.
Here, find something
to cut that with.
I gotta find something myself.
Something a little alluring.
Something a little more
apropos.
You got the can of money?
- Good afternoon.
- Hi.
- Are you the interpreter?
- Uh-huh.
Your name? Uh, Dewey, oh.
Deweyo.
And this is the
little woman, Wallyo.
Right this way, please. Governor
Collier is expecting your arrival.
Duke and Brick are watching us.
Stay close to that can!
Governor, this is the interpreter,
Mr. Deweyo, and his wife, Wallyo.
I'll get another chair.
Uh, would you take a chair?
Well, I'm certainly
glad you got here.
The Ambassador doesn't
understand a word of English.
Now, if you don't mind, I'd
like to get this affair started.
Mr. Taki? Mr. Deweyo,
your interpreter.
Toyota.
Psst!
Hey, would you please
tell him about the can.
"Tell him." Uh, Governor, uh,
look I have to talk to you. The
reason that we're really here...
I know, I know! It's so that the
Ambassador and I can talk to each other.
With all this noddin'
goin' on all day,
my head is gonna
fall off my shoulders.
You, but you see, my
partner and I, we got...
If you don't mind, I'd
like to get this affair movin'.
But, uh...
May I have
your attention, please?
Ladies and gentlemen,
as you all know,
we are here today
to honor Ambassador Taki.
- And I have just a few remarks.
- The can.
Don't let these pages fool you.
I write very big.
Governor.
My wife, the can. Yes,
down the hall, to the left.
I'll tell her.
Since the Ambassador...
Down the hall, to the left.
I will be speaking
through an interpreter, Mr. Deweyo.
I hope he does me justice.
Ladies and gentlemen,
fellow citizens,
Ambassador Taki.
From your beautiful city
of cherry blossoms,
we welcome you with open arms,
to our city of dogwoods.
Tell him.
Dogwood.
Eh, dogwoods.
Dogwood!
Right.
You will notice, Mr. Taki
that we are trying to cement
international relations in trade.
Why, even the china
we're using is from Japan!
China.
Japan.
Japan!
Japan!
Well, well, uh, maybe
he'll understand this one.
Ah, I was tellin' some of my
fellow politicians the other day,
their cars are so small, you have to
get out of them to change your mind!
Gonna go with that one?
Tell him!
Change your mind... So small...
He'll pass on that one.
All right. This clown isn't gonna
understand any of these jokes.
Clown...
No! No... Just a little
fun, little jokie!
Jokie!
Psst!
Tell him about the can!
Governor! My wife, the can!
All right!
For heaven sake, will somebody
please take that lady to the can!
No! No, you don't
understand, she's holding it!
Good, good!
Never mind.
Before we retire
to the front lawn,
where our own Confederate army
will re-enact
an historic battle,
Mr. Taki has a surprise for us.
In one of the balloons over head
is a valuable Japanese pearl.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are
gonna drop those balloons,
and in one of those
balloons is the gift.
So, feel free to pop away
and win that prize.
Barroons!
Drop the balloons.
There you go.
Well, let's see who's lucky
enough to find that pearl.
Pop goes the balloon!
You can be the lucky one!
Hey, Duke! It's them!
Get' em!
What the
hell's goin' on here?
Over to the side,
the side!
What are you doing
under that table?
All right,
we gotta find them.
Search everywhere!
We gotta find that money!
Wally! Come on! I got it!
Let's get out of here!
- Go that way!
- That way!
No, that way!
What's going on here?
Um, the bomb!
The guy with the bomb.
A bomb? Come on,
let's go inside.
You stay out here, Lugs.
Hello? Hello, Red Alert!
There are madmen
in the Governor's mansion!
They've got a bomb and they're gonna
blow up the Governor and his guests!
Hurry!
A bomb! There's a bomb!
Would you keep quiet?
I don't see anything.
- I don't either.
- Think it's okay?
Wally, what do you think?
- All right, now listen, here's my plan.
- Right.
- See this hedge?
- Yeah.
Over that hedge is the lawn.
- Down that lawn is the gate and our freedom.
- Right.
- We gotta get out of here or we're dead men.
- Right.
- Now, listen.
- Yeah.
- When I say "go," we jump that lawn.
- Right.
- Okay? Check and see if anybody's watching.
- Right.
- Was that a bee?
- That was no bee! That was a bullet!
- They're shooting at you?
- What do you mean at me? At us!
You! You're a bigger target!
Hurry up!
No, no! That way!
Wait till I get
my hands on you.
Feel a hard day comin' on!
All right, you clowns,
attention.
This here's Warden Wallace.
You can call him Wally.
He don't take no nothin' from
nobody so don't give him no ideas.
But he's a fair man.
You do right by him
and he'll do right by you.
Now, here's your Warden!
All right, you clowns. My
name is Warden Wallace.
But you can call me Wally.
But don't get no ideas.
I don't take nothin'
from nobody.
But, I am a fair man.
You do right by me,
and I'll do right by you.
I leave anything out? No, no.
Dewey here'll show
you to your quarters.
When you get up in the
morning, check the work list.
You go straight,
or else you'll get this.
Show the big one.
Couldn't ask for a prettier day.
Pretty tune.
Catchy.
Music can be soothing, too,
you know that, don't you?
That's what I hear. Yeah.
You know, that's how they got the
Romans to march great distances
without getting tired.
Constant thump of the drum drove them on.
Saw that in a movie.
Stump.
Oh, shut up!
What's the matter with you?
I saw that movie, that's...
Cut it out.
Check in with Bill.
Car One, Car One to Red Leader.
Car One to Red Leader, come in!
Car One to Red Leader,
Car One to Red Leader, come in.
Yeah.
Who is this?
- It's Bill.
- Oh, good. Just checking. Wanna make sure.
Hello. Hello.
Hi, Roy!
Car One.
Thing must've conked out again.
- Hello.
- Is this Bill Davis?
Yes, it is.
One moment
for Governor Clark, please.
Your party is on the line, sir.
Thank you. Bill!
Hi, Ron, I thought
they'd impeach you by now.
Very funny. How'd you like to
have your taxes raised, wise guy?
- How have you been?
- Great.
Listen, Bill, I wonder if you
could do me a little favor.
We've got some fellas from up here headed down
your way this weekend. They're due at 1:00.
Sure, send them on down.
Bill's a nice guy, you know that?
Couldn't ask for a better boss.
Yeah, terrific.
We wanted to be detectives.
And after a whole year,
do you know what I learnt?
You can't whistle.
Hey! Gosh!
Car One, we've got a live one.
We're on our way.
Going! Here we go!
You just spilled
coffee over my best clothes.
Where are you going?
We're going south on Six.
Will you slow down?
I can't, the pedal's stuck.
Hey,
there's Mrs. Pruitt! Hi!
Will you
please be careful?
Can't be the only ones
that washed their siren.
Will you get this thing
back on the road?
You're getting kind of
touchy, you know that.
Never mind!
Just follow the road.
Hold on a minute, Ron!
Get that pedal unstuck!
Want me to call Bill and
tell him we're gonna be late?
Yeah, call Bill and
tell him we're gonna be dead!
Doesn't this thing
ever run out of gas?
Say, Ron, I hate to ask you, but, uh,
you think you could do me a little favor?
I got a couple of boys working for
me down here that are really tops.
I mean, they really
know their way around.
Put the brakes on, you bonehead!
I can't! It doesn't do any good.
The motor's goin' too fast!
Huh? Aw, come on,
let me help you!
I'll get it! Hey, did I tell
you the right front tire's low?
The hell with the right front tire!
Who's driving this thing?
Oh, they can handle anything.
Well, if they're interested
you send them up to see me.
Oh, that's great. They'll be
flying when they hear about that.
Oh, that was my boys
that just drove in.
I'm going fishing now. Bye, Ron.
I like adventure in a man.
This won't hurt your chances for
advancement when you complete this.
Now, here's the project.
Twelve years ago, when I
was Prosecuting Attorney,
I convicted this man,
Butch Collins.
I want you to take
a good look at him.
He was sentenced to
20 years for armed robbery.
There was over $200,000
in government funds
that were never recovered,
but we believe that Butch Collins
knows where that money's hidden.
The only thing is,
he won't talk.
Your job is to get
that information.
What I want you to do
is pose as prisoners
of the Goose Creek
Prison Farm where Butch is.
From then on, it's your job to get
the information however you can.
Now, this is a great
opportunity for you boys.
Hell, it kind of reminds me of when
I first started practicing law.
I was struggling along
with a practice and,
um, something was given to me that
seemed unimportant at the time.
Well, as it turned out,
I won the case.
And it was brought to the
attention of the Mayor of the city.
He congratulated me and asked
if I'd like to join his staff.
Well...
I jumped at the opportunity.
Couple of years later,
I was head of that staff.
You see, that's one great thing
about this country of ours.
Any man can succeed in pulling
himself up to great heights,
especially couple of bright,
young men such as yourselves.
Now I can tell how
capable you both are.
Well, this could mean
a great deal to you.
You never know where that
break's gonna come, so
I believe in taking advantage of
everything that comes your way.
You know something?
This could be it!
Now, remember boys, you're
going in to a den of lions.
Oh, I wish I was a younger man.
I'd go with you.
You'll be in there with thieves,
cut-throats, the dregs of society.
Same man who smiles at you and offers
you a cigarette in the morning,
may turn around and slash your
throat for a candy bar at night.
Now, don't let
a kind face fool you.
Can't judge a crook
by his color.
That's not half bad!
Should use that
at the lodge some time.
But, anyhow, my staff
has been instructed to disavow
any knowledge of your identity.
Now, I'll draw up some papers
and prove you're real prisoners.
So, you'll be treated
like any other prisoner.
I'm gonna give you one month
to get the information.
Now, at the end of the month,
if you haven't got it,
I'm just gonna have to
call you off the job
and we'll just have to
write the whole thing off.
That's it!
We can do it, sir.
All right, we're gonna send you
down to the prison farm Saturday.
When you get there, you're on your own.
You're just two more cons.
Remember just the three of us
know about this, so good luck.
Mum's the word.
If you foul up, you eat
your hearts out, you understand?
What did you say?
All right,
get out of there.
What?
Out!
Is this it?
No, we're stopping
at Howard Johnson's.
Oh, well, get a maple nut
in a sugar cone, I'll be...
Get out!
Get over here.
Go scare up Billy Joe.
Wait right there.
Billy Joe!
Here we go.
Beauts, ain't they?
Both got 10 years
for armed robbery.
This here is Pork face Wallace.
The one on the end with
the glazed eyes is Dewey.
He wants a maple nut
in a sugar cone.
Good luck, boy.
Okay, who did that?
Uh, the big guy
right on the end there.
Old Brick, huh?
You know what? That letter
in my back pocket's for you.
From Fat Lucy.
And you ain't gonna
get it neither!
Well...
Okay, you clowns.
Warden's gonna
come out here now.
He's gonna tell you what's up
and you're gonna get to work.
Hey, hey, hey. Huh?
Shh! What do you mean, "Shh"?
He's the one who threw a rock at me,
so I'll throw it right back at him.
I know, I know, but we gotta
work and live with these guys.
Give me this. Stop.
Say! What the hell you
done brung to me now, Billy Joe?
Good God!
You two are off to a good start.
Okay, attention, you clowns!
This here's Warden Warden,
better known to you all as Gunner,
and he don't take nothing from nobody!
So don't you go
getting any ideas.
But he's a fair man.
You do right by him,
and he'll do right by you.
And now, here's your warden.
My name is Warden Warden.
But you can call me Gunner. I
want you two to get this straight.
I don't take nothin' from nobody
so don't nobody get any ideas.
I'm a fair man. You do right
by me and I'll do right by you.
Did I forget anything?
No, that about gets it.
Billy Joe'll show you
where your quarters are.
Now, check the worksheet in
the morning and stay straight,
'cause if you don't...
That's all.
Gunner? Where do you
want me to put them?
Find a place for 'em.
Do I gotta do everything
around here?
Okay, you clowns!
Now follow me. Come on. Heel!
You nuts!
Get!
Excuse me. Is that the carwash?
That's the warden's wife.
Very religious woman.
If you get any funny ideas...
Okay, you clowns.
This here is home.
We'll have dinner in 15 minutes
in C building that's
right across here.
Lights out at 8:00, up at 6:00.
Now, we grow what we eat here.
You don't grow nothin',
you don't eat!
You all get your work order
tomorrow morning.
Hey.
Which one of these beds
do we sleep in?
How the hell do I know?
What would you all do
if I weren't here? Huh?
Get!
People just don't think
for themselves anymore.
Seems like a nice guy.
Put it down, Stump!
We eat when we're all here
and accounted for!
Now, would you do me a favor?
Let me do all the talking.
We don't wanna be too obvious
to this Butch Collins guy.
Let's not, for Pete's
sake, blow this one, huh?
Hi.
Do you have a salad fork?
I'll have the, uh...
I'll have that. That's terrific.
The eggs Benedict, if you...
A little more gravy, please.
Good.
Wonder if you could
toast that for me, please?
Thank you.
Why don't we sit
together over here, huh?
Uh, excuse me.
By the window. Good.
Are you two comfortable?
Oh, fine, yes, thank you.
You all right? I'm fine.
How about you?
Thank you. Quite comfortable.
You sure you boys are
all right over there?
Yeah, fine, fine, fine. Yeah.
You don't mind
if we eat, do you?
You see, Gunner don't let anybody
eat till everyone is here.
Now that you're here,
maybe we can eat.
- Go right ahead.
- Be our guest.
Well, thank you.
Seems like a nice guy.
He sure does. Pardon me.
Would you mind passing the salt?
Want the salt?
Yes, please.
How's that?
Where you from?
Could I have
a bottle of milk, please?
Shut up!
I know all you fellas are
gonna give a nice, warm welcome
to two new friends we're gonna
have with us for a few years.
They're already
pretty popular with me.
And I know that you're
gonna be equally fascinated.
Now this here big time
operator is Wallace.
Hi, fellas.
And this one, here, with
the sagging puss, is Dewey.
Thank you, Warden. Friends,
fellow prisoners...
Sit down!
Now, since one of our friends here
decided to do some rock chucking today,
there ain't gonna be
no baseball after dinner.
Shut up!
Now, get to your beds 'cause I
feel a hard day coming on tomorrow.
Move out!
We better go.
Well, I still
didn't get any milk!
Aw, he didn't get his milk.
Well, let's give him
some milk, then.
How's this?
Nice man gave you the milk?
Thank you.
Brownies? Anyone want brownies?
Best I can do for now.
Work out something tomorrow.
If he thinks I'm gonna sleep
on that thing, he's nuts!
Aw, I'll take it. I'm not fussy.
Looking for a bunk?
Yeah, I am.
Hey, Brick, I bet old Duke wouldn't mind
letting Wallace use his for a while.
That's an idea.
It the best bunk here.
This one? Right by the window.
Ah, terrific, I...
I have this allergy.
I... I need a window.
Uh, where is this Duke fella?
Oh, he had a run in with Gunner,
so he's been in
the hotbox for a week.
What's a hotbox?
Hotbox?
Oh, it's a little place with a tin
roof on in the middle of a sucking bog.
Kind of a resort.
Oh, something like a sauna.
Well, thank you
very much for this.
I'll just use it
till he returns.
My pleasure.
Good night.
Open up.
How many times I told you no
drinking on the premises? Open it.
Open it!
Come on out, Duke.
You had enough, Duke?
That's up to you, Warden.
Take him back, Billy Joe.
If we have to do it again,
we'll try it out for a month.
Come on, move out!
Hey! Hey! What the...
I can't sleep, can you?
Not any more, I can't.
Would you go to bed?
You know, with this allergy, I'm
gonna need all the sleep I can get.
What?
What?
I think they like us.
Well, that's nice.
Go, get to bed!
Good night, Wally!
Would you get out of here?
Fire!
Fire! Fire! Fire!
Everybody out of...
All right, let's hit it!
Truck leaves in 20 minutes!
Pull on out!
Okay, okay, come on, boys!
Move them out quick, now!
Feel a long, hard day coming on!
Get on up there, all y'all!
Move!
One, two... Move!
Three, four.
One, two, three, four.
Morning, Billy Joe!
I didn't see you there.
Morning, Margie Dell.
Oh, don't let me interrupt.
Come on, comrade, let's
get everyone moving here now!
Yes, sir!
Come on, comrade!
The longer you drag here,
the harder it's gonna get.
Keep it down in there and move!
Move, I said!
Margie Dell, now, Margie Dell,
Margie Dell, oh, Margie Dell.
I wouldn't be doing that kind of
thing if I was you, not around here.
Not especially
in front of the boys.
Now, you know they're... They're
nothing but a bunch of animals
when it comes to a woman.
Why, they might take one look at a purty
thing like you and they might think...
Oh, Lord knows
what they might think.
Don't be silly, Billy Joe.
Why, I must look a fright what
with just getting up and all.
Oh, you sure don't look no
fright to me, Margie Dell.
Oh, Billy Joe.
Oh, Margie Dell.
Well.
You know, being a Warden's
wife gets real lonely.
Know what I mean, Billy Joe?
Yeah. Margie
Dell, where's my belt?
On the back of the chair!
What the deuce
is it doing there?
- Margie Dell?
- Uh-huh?
Sure was nice seeing you.
Nice being seen.
Bye, Billy Joe.
Bye.
& All I care for you to
do Is be my darling kissy poo! &.
How long you dopes in for?
Uh, us?
Hey, you see any other
dopes sitting here?
No.
Ten years for armed robbery.
Then we get parole.
Yeah? What did you hit?
Hit? Uh...
Yeah, hit! Tap! Rob!
Oh, we hit a bank!
Bank.
Yeah? What'd you grab?
- Grab?
- What was your haul?
- Haul?
- How much money did you get?
Uh, we were, uh, we were hauling,
grabbing there about a half hour.
About 45 minutes or so.
We got about thirty thou. Right.
We'd have got more if
it wasn't loose change.
Yeah?
Where'd you pull the job?
Where did you pull the job?
Yeah.
Wasn't that near your mother's?
I think so.
Uh... Yeah.
Did you ever hear of the
First National Bank of Lawson?
No.
That was it. Yeah, that's good.
Yup, that was the bank.
If I hadn't taken
a slug in the shoulder,
we'd have been sittin'
pretty right now.
- Right there.
- Still hurts in damp weather.
- That's it, that's the one.
- Yeah?
Interesting.
Say, any you guys happen
to know Butch Collins?
What do you want
with that old goat?
Uh... Uh, well, he, uh...
He has some friends that
want to be remembered. Yeah.
Yeah? Is that right?
Well, somebody tapped him on
the head with a two-by-four
and he don't remember
much anymore.
Oh, well, I hope he
remembers where he hid the...
He means, he hopes
that his friends
remember where they met
him or he met his friends.
Yeah?
Well, good luck!
- Thank you, Mr. Duke.
- Good luck to you, Mr. Duke.
I'm not gonna sit here anymore.
Don't forget to
bring the jugs back.
I ain't forgotten yet, have I?
Oh, uh, I almost forgot, I almost forgot!
Here's a box of brownies for you!
I'll say one thing
about your sister,
she sure keeps
in touch with you.
Yeah. She's great that way.
Thank you. Thank you kindly.
Did I tell you to remember
to bring the jug back?
Yeah, yeah, you told me,
Butch. Thank you.
"Dear, Butch."
"How are you?"
"I am fine."
Gee, I'm glad to hear that.
"It's still raining here."
"I don't think it'll ever stop."
"Horses."
"George is fixing
the roof over the garage."
I'll bet he's getting
wet up there.
Sis, your fixin's...
Oh, here they are.
All right, comrades,
let's move 'em out!
Got a holy mess of work to do.
Got to get it done
before we eat.
Otherwise, we ain't gonna eat!
Everyone move!
Come on, let's move
it out now, come on!
Billy Joe said move it out,
you move it out right now.
It's Billy Joe to
Station One, come in!
Come on,
Station One, Billy Joe here!
This is Station One.
Gunner?
Oh, no,
guess again.
Margie Dell?
You win a big surprise!
Oh, yeah? I just might come on over
there and collect that big surprise.
Double dare you!
Hey, Gunner back yet?
Uh-uh. Ain't no one here
but me and Carlie.
Carlie, huh? What the
deuce is he doing there?
Why, Billy Joe,
you do sound jealous.
I ain't jealous. Just that
he's got his work to do.
Listen, tell Gunner
ready to go on Goose Creek.
Bye!
Bye!
Man!
That's one mess of woman!
Come on, there, move out.
Let's get going.
Everyone goes back to work.
What you all looking at?
Move it, move it!
Duke, you sure those clowns
don't know about Butch?
Yeah. I hope for their sake
they don't know nothin'.
Come on!
Sorry, we're late, but he
couldn't find his shaving lotion.
You know we only have 30 seconds to eat.
That's enough. Come on!
Here, this all right?
All right! Go on! Move in!
Come on, move, move, move, move!
Hey, you gonna eat that?
Any butter?
Well, at least
I got one meal in.
I didn't get a chance
to eat anything.
That's because you're not
smart enough to eat in a hurry.
What was that stuff? I
don't know but it was good.
What was that stuff he's eating?
Possum.
That's possum.
Aren't those, those things
that look like a rat?
Say they're awful greasy.
I saw one in a zoo once. All he did
was to hang upside down and go...
Awful looking thing.
It takes a long time
to get the fur off.
Boy.
Bet that taste will be
with you for a long time.
Possum!
Say, they'll eat anything.
You won't believe what they use
for bait when they try to trap 'em.
I hope you can
join us for dinner.
Brownies! Brownies!
Doesn't anyone
want dessert? Brownies?
Close again, Butch.
Hey, Pop!
I couldn't help over hear.
Are you Butch Collins?
Yeah, that's right!
Come on, you clowns!
We got four miles of road
to cover, so let's move.
Yeah, but I gotta...
No, no move! Come on!
You don't seem to understand.
Hush up, hush up, now, move!
I gotta talk
to this Butch.
I said,
move, lump jaw!
Outside! Everyone, outside!
Got my eye on you, Lester!
This ain't no farm, now.
Shake leg!
What are you on strike?
Junior, I'm watchin' you!
Hey Duke, I'm still worried
about those two guys.
What do you think?
I don't know,
but I'm gonna find out.
I heard you were sentenced
by Judge Melbourne.
You did. Well, uh, if
the records say that...
I'll talk to him.
Yeah, we were
sentenced by Melbourne.
And when we get out of here, we're
gonna tear him into little pieces.
We are? Sure we are.
Yeah.
Yeah? Well, he's pretty tough.
Well,
we're even tougher!
He doesn't scare us one bit!
That's right. Very
few people scare us.
You got you're...
I'll help you with that.
Hey, Duke,
I thought Judge
Melbourne was a woman.
Yeah, she is.
I think our friend Wallace, here,
is trying to pull something.
Some detective work
this turns out to be.
Three weeks we're in this dump
and we don't have the first idea
where that old nut hid the money.
He doesn't remember a thing
since he got hit on the head.
You know, it's getting
very hard to work with you.
I think it's interesting
seeing how the prisoners live.
Oh, you do, huh?
Well, remind me when we get out of
this dump to tell Governor Clark
that you'd like to spend
the rest of the 10 years here.
Oh, I don't like it that well.
Hey, Doc?
Warden wants to see you
in the infirmary.
"Doc"?
What are you talking about?
Well, Glen Walters
was our regular doctor,
but he got out today,
so I guess you're in.
Says here on your fact sheet, went
to medical school for two years.
Well, shoot, that's good
enough for this joint. Come on.
Well, wait a minute,
you see, that's from the Governor.
Come on, come on!
Gunner's waitin'!
You don't...
So long, Doc!
Come on, let's get
this over with!
Here he is, Gunner.
Yeah, uh, what?
Pull this tooth.
It's killin' me.
Pull it?
Well, you don't understand, you see,
uh, I'm not, uh... You're not what?
I'm not, uh, I'm not washed up.
Well, get washed up!
Yeah, but it's on the,
uh, record...
Get a move on!
See you later, Chief.
Yeah. I'd like to explain about
the, uh, the records on the...
Come on! Right.
Well...
Supposed to get this right, too.
Uh, sometimes those records aren't,
uh, what they're cracked up to be.
Well, let's take a look at it.
All right, take a look at it.
Open right up there.
One right on this side.
Over here. That looks, uh,
that looks pretty good.
Now, come on, you stupid,
you get goin' and pull
this thing, will you?
Pull it? And get a move on!
Oh, boy, if I pull it,
it's gonna hurt.
I don't care. Get some
Novocain and give me a shot!
Hurry up!
Get a move on! I'm goin' now!
I'm on the case.
Here.
Come on, come on, there.
Okay, here you go.
Here, you just take
that and, uh...
Listen, you give me a shot,
or else you're gonna find
your place in a new location.
Now get a move on you
and pull this thing!
Give me a shot right now!
Come on!
What's the matter? Nothing, nothing.
Be with you...
In just a moment, uh...
Little devil stings, doesn't it?
This is gonna just be
a moment of pain.
Get a move on!
Ain't but one tooth!
Hurry up! Yup!
Okay, that should, uh...
That should just...
What're you doing? I'll
be, uh, just a moment.
Some other things.
I've never seen such
a stupid in my life.
Will you... Uh...
Here, what we'll do, we'll just
put a little piece of, uh...
What're you doin'?
Just cotton to hold that open
for you, if you just, uh...
Well, put it in there!
Put it there! Put it there!
Okay, now, here.
Come on, get a move on.
It stings.
What the...
Relax. Important thing here.
Okay.
Never seen such
movement in all my life.
Now what's the matter?
Nothing, nothing.
Come on, get a move on, you!
You have no patience,
you see, if, uh...
Okay, if you just... There. If
you'll just open up and we'll...
It's that far one in the back.
What's...
What's the...
I ain't never seen such a
mess in all my life. Come on!
My God.
Just one tooth, acting
like it's a hundred.
What the trouble with you?
Just resting.
Okay. All right, let's have it.
Let's have it!
Here we are.
I don't feel nothin'.
I do.
Now, just, uh...
There. Now, just, uh...
Come on, will you please?
I'll get it, I'll get it!
Phone.
Come on!
I can't take it no more!
Wait till I get you.
Get you in that hotbox!
Hold on!
He's right here! Right!
It's... It's for you!
Everything okay, Chief?
You get that jerk back to the
mess hall where he belongs.
Come on.
Come on, let's go.
I feel a hard day comin' on.
Of all the dumb,
stupid people in this world.
Don't talk to me!
Don't talk to me!
You stay on your inch, and I'll
stay on mine! Keep away from me!
What do you say, Butch?
What you want?
What do I want?
I want the two hundred
thousand, that's what I want.
I got another
three thousand today.
That makes almost
forty-five thousand.
Yeah. Well, that doesn't get it.
It's comin' in too slow.
Now, like I said before,
you get up the two hundred
thousand, we split,
and we leave you
and your sister alone.
Well, it's gonna take a while.
Look, just send
your sister a note.
Have her make some more of
those homemade brownies.
The ones with the green centers.
I'll try.
No, don't try, Butch.
Do it!
We'll be in touch.
Uh-oh. Here comes trouble.
Why are you so afraid
of that guy, anyway?
Are you kiddin'?
Look at the size of him!
Yeah, but listen, if we're
gonna be living with these guys,
we gotta show them that we
aren't gonna be pushed around.
Think so? Yeah.
Besides, probably nothin'
but a big old sissy anyway.
You're probably right.
I'll tell you what,
why don't you test him
and see if he doesn't
back down on us.
Maybe you
got a point there.
I need a jug of water.
So?
"So"? So, get it!
So, get it yourself!
Hold it!
Morning, Warden, how are you?
Oh, morning, Warden.
What's goin' on in here?
Maybe you two would like to spend
a little time in the hotbox.
Oh, wait a minute, Warden,
uh, I got a better idea.
Why don't we put on the
gloves and settle it that way?
You know, put on an
exhibition for the boys.
The way you like boxing.
Hey, you know,
you got a good idea. Yeah.
Let's put on the gloves.
Oh, no, wait a minute. It'll
be our pleasure, Warden.
Yes, sir, he'll be happy
to meet you in the ring.
Are you out of your mind?
What're you talkin' about?
You had him on the run. He's
nothin' but a big sissy!
Are you kiddin' me?
You're gonna be
the new camp champ.
Think so? Sure.
Give him another one.
Big bag of wind.
Wait till he hits that big fat
sucker in his bubble belly.
Okay, you boys know the rules.
You can use an open glove.
You can gouge,
you can rabbit punch,
you could put
a thumb in his eye,
you could hold in clinches,
and, best of all, you
could punch below the belt.
The Warden loves that one.
Now go back to your corners,
and when the bell rings,
come out and kill yourselves.
By the way,
I've got 50 bucks
on the Duke, here.
Hey, I'd like to put a
couple bucks on Duke.
What do you mean, you'd like to put a
couple of bucks on Duke? What about me?
Well, if he's got 50 bucks
on him, he must be somethin'.
Whose side are you on?
Put a ten spot on him.
I hope I'm doin' the right thing.
'Course we are.
What do you mean "we"?
Look, I hired Willard here.
He's gonna be your trainer.
You just listen to whatever he says
and, believe me, it's gonna be okay.
All right, what should I do?
Well, if you get a chance,
hit him!
I only gave him three bucks. I mean, I'm
not out that much, you know what I mean?
I don't wanna see another
boxing glove as long as I live.
Camp champ, camp chump!
Your nose still hurt?
Say, uh, how about
a nice cup of tea?
I don't want any teal.
Yeah, well...
How about some iced tea?
Okay, all right, then.
I'll have some iced tea.
Okay, all right.
Tell you what, I think
I'm gonna make a whole pot.
Make a pot, make
a bucket, make a bail,
make a barrel full.
I don't care.
Three bags ought to do it.
One, two, three.
Hey, look! Look at this tea!
What? Look at the tea!
Very fascinating.
I once saw a cup in 1944,
It reminded me a lot of you.
You know why?
It had a crack in the cup!
Will you look at the tea?
If I look at the tea, would you promise
I don't have to look at the milk?
There, I looked at it, okay?
I don't see what's so
fascinating about a pot of tea
with a thousand dollar
bill floating in it.
Ah! A thousand dollar bill!
What's what I said, yeah!
Let me see that!
It is, it is, it is, it is! It's a thousand
dollar bill. Where'd you get this?
It was in the can! The can?
My goodness, look, it's
a can full of money!
Boy, I better order some tea.
No, no, no, you idiot! Don't you get it?
Don't you see?
Sure, I made tea with
thousand dollar bills.
No, no, no, no.
He hid the money in the tea can.
He hid the money in the tea can.
Who'd ever think of lookin' for
it in a tea can in a prison?
I did.
Yeah, but you're not normal.
Oh, boy, do you know
what this means?
This means the Secret Service.
You, well, we better get this money
right to the Governor right away.
Oh, no, no, no, we don't
get out until Saturday.
In the meantime, we'll have
to keep our eye on the tea.
Right.
What about the money?
The money is the tea!
I don't get it. You don't have to get it.
You got it.
I got it.
I doubt it.
You better give me the pot.
Al right.
Well,
only three more of these morning
duty calls and then we can
kiss this place goodbye.
Then it's gonna be the
Secret Service for us.
You really think so?
Are you kidding?
Governor Clark knows two
good men when he sees them.
Move over, huh?
You clowns all settled?
Good.
All yours, Gunner.
I feel a hard day
comin' on today.
Billy Joe'll show you
where your worksheet is,
but first we got an announcement
from the State Capitol.
"To all concerned, The State
Capitol regrets to inform you"
"that last night at 11:05"
"our beloved Governor Ronald
Clark died of a heart attack."
He was a good man.
Let's bow our heads.
Now, remember, only the three
of us know about this. Good luck.
Gunner, couple of the boys
outside wanna talk to you.
Don't you ever knock?
How do you know I don't have
somebody important in here?
You just come chargin' in. You
ain't got no respect for nobody.
I'm sorry, Gunner.
Sorry don't paint your barn.
Now, when you want me, how
many times I done told you?
When you want me, you knock.
So, you get outside and knock.
Right, sir.
I knew the minute I hired him I was
gonna end up in a blaze of hog slop.
Now, what do you want?
I didn't knock.
Why not?
You said you was busy.
I said I might be, that's why...
Get in here!
Now, what do you want?
You busy now?
What do you want?
Couple of the boys outside
wanna talk to you.
Matter of utmost importance.
Well, get 'em in here. Yes, sir.
All right, you clowns,
haul it on in here!
Thank you. Get!
Hi.
Warden, how are you, sir.
Pleasure to meet you.
Uh, why don't you start?
Uh, Warden,
my partner and I, and I use
the word "partner" because
we are, in effect, partners.
That's exactly
what we are, partners.
We are, uh...
We are secret agents.
Well, we're not really
secret agents yet.
We're agents.
Before we get into that, I
don't think that perhaps, maybe,
we're getting of
on the right foot.
We haven't really been
formally introduced.
We've seen each other
around, but we haven't met.
This is Dewey,
Investigator Dewey,
and I am Investigator
Agent Wallace.
Getting back
to our problem,
we have acquired...
There were three people
who were in on
this particular, uh...
Well, there were three people.
It was a case that we were on.
Former Governor Clark,
and Wallace, and myself.
You can
well imagine how I felt,
I mean, the surprise and shock,
when we found out this morning,
when you told us that,
when you told me, uh...
All of us that Governor
Clark had gone to the big
capitol in the sky,
that he's no longer
with us, so let us pray.
Well, there's no time for praying
anymore because, actually,
what we have right now
is a problem.
Uh, he was the only one who
knew why we were here. Put here.
And, so, therefore...
He's gone. Definitely.
So we should be gone now.
Now, we need to get this information
to Governor Collier, now.
The new Governor who has
replaced the dead Governor.
Uh, so, uh, the
sooner we do this,
the better off it'll be
for everybody concerned.
You, we need some transportation
to get to the Capitol,
so we'd like to borrow your car.
We'd pay for the gas.
It isn't just a question of
taking the car and going away.
Then at the Capitol,
we'll probably...
Bring it back. Bring it back.
Or we could return it. An
agent might bring it back.
Anybody could bring it back.
We would have it back to you.
Uh, I know your rule is
that you don't let any vehicles in
other than the prison vehicles,
so we could wait for it
outside the gate.
Go right outside
there and get it.
Or take a bus.
We could walk, or hitch.
How about it?
Get out of here! Go on, get out, now!
Move! Move!
Did you tell him about the...
I told him.
- Gunner, I'm sorry.
- Get out!
Move! Move, now! Get! Get!
Now, you all wait right here.
Gunner, want me to take 'em to the Doc?
Get out!
You got it!
You never listen. Hey!
You guys got me in a
heap of trouble with him.
What's up, Billy Joe?
Seems like we got us a
couple of secret agents here.
Yeah?
Uh-huh.
This is another opportunity.
Uh, it's not exactly that
we're secret agents. Uh...
We'd like to be secret agents.
Come on, come on!
- Why don't you tell him?
- I'm not gonna get hit in the head.
I just got the word from Lugs.
Our friend, Butch, got
another box of brownies.
If they're the right
flavor, we make the break.
How about tomorrow?
We go when I say.
I didn't mean that. I just wanna
get out of here soon as we can.
Yeah, well, I'll tell
you when we can leave.
Right. I'm with you.
Look, the main thing right
now is to keep clean.
I don't want anybody
to get hurt.
The worst thing would be for one of
us to get in the hotbox for a month.
If that happens, our whole escape
plan goes right out the window.
Get that gun out of here.
Hey! Yeah?
Why didn't you tell me to move?
Oh, uh, move.
All right, you fellas!
This ain't no cocktail hour.
Now, we got work to do.
When you're finished here, you
hit them trucks and move out.
None of that
whiney-diney stuff.
Not there! Do it over there!
- Hey! Come here! Look!
- What?
What?
Where'd they get all that money?
I don't know.
Maybe out of the can.
The can! Open the can! Open it!
What's the matter? It healed!
What do you mean, "it healed"?
You got the wrong end!
It's gone. They took the money.
We gotta get it.
Yeah, I'll go ask 'em for it.
No, no, you can't
ask 'em for it.
They're never gonna give it
to you on a silver platter.
We gotta take it, then, uh...
Then we gotta get out of here.
Make a break for it.
Let's take the cookies.
Take the cookies.
Take the cookies.
What're you eating
at a time like this for?
Just follow me.
I don't like cookies.
We gotta get that money, or we'll
never get out of here. Follow me.
Hi, Warden! Uh, your favorite.
Tollhouse cookies
I'll try a couple.
Ah, don't try a couple
of 'em, try 'em all.
What're you doing, you crazy?
What're you doing?
Okay, stay where you are.
Give me those guns.
Come on, give me that.
Give me here. This is trouble.
Take it.
All right, everybody,
it's a stick up.
I don't believe them boys
got both oars in the water.
Get your hands up!
What's up, fellas? Get 'em up!
Geez!
It's a stickup!
Okay, here, get this.
Give me that can. Huh?
Give me the can.
You know what
we want, fellas. Okay.
That's the collection plate.
Now, fill it.
Fill it!
That's it. You're next, fatso.
Come on.
That's it.
Thank you very much for
your contribution. Now you.
No, no, you got some, too.
Come on.
You got some, too.
Please?
Pretty please?
I'll be a suck egg mule.
Sorry, but that's
the way things go.
Thank God. I got it.
Not that we didn't
enjoy cooking for you guys,
but, uh, listen, we want you
to sit right where you are.
Right where you are!
Now, I don't anybody to move
until we get to the gate.
Or else you get this.
What? This!
I'll cover for you,
you get out. Go!
Hurry up!
Hurry!
Get going!
Where's the key? The office!
Give me the gun!
Give me the gun!
Can't you hear me? Operator?
Where's that Billy Joe?
That flat head's never
around when I need him.
Margie Dell, shouldn't
I get the phone?
No, no, let it ring!
Probably Gunner
wants some dumb thing.
Margie Dell.
Don't fight it, Billy Joe.
Look for the keys to the truck.
There ain't no keys there.
Now what are we gonna do, huh?
Keys! Keys! I got the keys!
Hold it now.
Give him the keys.
Okay, give him your
gun and whistle.
Give him your gun and whistle.
Hey, you know something?
Maybe we out to take hostages.
Good idea.
Margie Dell will go.
No, we better take
all of 'em. Okay.
Margie Dell wouldn't
be no trouble.
In the truck. Yes, sir.
Both of you, in the truck!
Move it! Move it!
There they are! Hey! They got
Billy Joe and Margie Dell!
If they lay a hand on her!
What do you think
we out to do now?
Just get over to the office. See if
we can't pick 'em up on the radio.
Okay. You want me to
call the highway patrol?
Are you crazy? No tellin' what them
idiots will try to do to Margie Dell.
Just wait till get my hands on 'em.
I'll show 'em who's boss here.
Couple of those smart alecs.
Come on, what's the matter with you?
Let's get goin' here!
When I see 'em, I'll show 'em.
I'll put 'em in the hotbox.
Goin' out, Billy?
I'm afraid so, sugarfoot.
Open the gate.
Something wrong with you, boy?
No, no, everything's fine,
just fine, fine.
Well, see you later, then.
Lord, I hope so.
What do you think of those two
idiots screwing up a perfect day?
Yeah?
But the day ain't over yet.
Come on.
Come on, lump jaw, don't you
know how to work a radio?
Yes, sir.
Boy, you guys ain't
gonna get away with this.
What? Don't get me wrong,
I wish you all the best of luck.
Say, uh...
Is that someone following us?
I don't see anybody
following us.
That's them.
Where
y'all headin' for, anyway?
The Governor's house.
The Governor's house?
The Governor's house,
South on 44.
Sounds like they're headed
for the Governor house.
Is that right?
Well, send out an
all points bulletin
that two armed prisoners is
headed for the Governor's house.
Hold it!
We'll take the
messages from now on.
Well, you aren't worried,
are you? No need to worry!
You see, we are,
in reality, secret agents.
We're taking certain
information to the Governor.
Now, soon as we give him that
information, he might free us.
More likely,
even give us a medal.
I'm sure he will.
Might even give you some candy.
Possible.
Pull over to the first
gas station you see.
Now what you all got in mind?
I wanna get rid of this thing,
it's too easy to spot.
So, uh,
you're gonna dump this here truck,
which means we won't be
in this truck anymore!
That's right!
It's too easy to spot!
What?
It's too easy to spot!
Hot back here, too!
I think I can get loose.
Hold it! Hold it!
What's the trouble?
There's no trouble.
We just have to get a car or
something till we get there.
This thing sticks out
like a sore thumb.
Here he comes.
Howdy. Howdy.
Well, what'll it be?
Uh, uh, just a minute.
What should I tell him?
What should he tell him?
Well, we need
a car or something.
Yeah. Well, tell him... Wait a minute,
what about that car over there?
Yeah, ask him about
that car over there.
Whose car is that?
Uh, that's my wife's.
He says it's his wife's.
He says it's his wife's.
I don't see any other one.
What do you think?
What do you think?
Huh?
Think.
Think, think? What do you think?
He don't think nothin', he don't
think nothin', you know that?
Yeah, know what I think?
I think we out to ask that guy how
that car runs, that's what I think.
You know what I think?
You shouldn't think.
When you think, nothing.
When I think, something.
- Know what I think?
- What?
You gotta think again
because you know what?
Even if we did take that car, how're
we gonna get it without him...
askin' any questions?
We got one or two choices.
We tell him that we're on official
business and we're gonna borrow the car.
Right.
My second suggestion is that we
tell him we're escaped convicts
and take him and the car
and maybe let him go, okay?
Okay, right.
Right.
Hey, before you all
make your choice,
can I hear that
first suggestion?
Excuse me, he didn't hear
the first suggestion,
the one where you told him
that Billy Joe was gonna be...
Get in the car.
Get in the car.
Oh, uh, I's gonna close at 5.
Everybody in the car!
Maybe we out to step on it.
We still got 20 miles to go.
Right.
No, I'm driving,
get in the back.
Would you get in?
I'll drive the car, you hold
the gun on them in the backseat.
Get in!
Okay, we're off, here we go.
No you can't.
Oh, you shut up
and give me the key.
That's what I mean.
My wife's got the key.
His wife has the key.
What do you think?
I think we better find
out where his wife is.
Good thinking.
Where's your wife?
Well, uh, she's inside
the store, workin'.
His wife is inside
the store, working.
I heard him.
He's only back there.
Don't you think now you
should go in and get the keys?
- You know somethin'?
- What?
I'm wearin' a prison uniform.
Maybe you ought to go in.
Oh, I never thought of that.
Wait a minute, what do you
think I'm in, a jogging' outfit?
Get the key! Huh?
What am I gonna tell "em?
Tell 'em it's Halloween.
In July?
You're goin' early.
All right, let's get goin'!
Like this?
I don't want Margie Dell
to see me in my underwear!
Come on, let's get out of here!
Yes, sir!
Move it! Yes, sir!
Uh, Hello? You! Hello?
- What'll it be?
- Uh, oh, uh, I need the keys to your car!
Your husband wants to move it.
Oh, they're on the birdcage.
Right.
Yeah, bird.
Yeah, I'm gonna take the keys.
We need to move it from, uh...
You don't care.
- Oh, uh, how much are these mints?
- Ten cent a piece!
Right, I'm gonna take some
if you don't mind, I'm...
I'll just settle up
with your husband.
All right.
Unless you got change
for a thousand.
Say what?
Uh, two,
four, six, eight.
- Who are you?
- Huh?
I'm just going to
a Halloween party.
In July?
I thought it was a little early too,
but he said it was okay and I, uh...
Yeah, I'm goin' as a prisoner.
Oh, well, you gave me a
start there for a minute.
Is that thing real?
Uh, no, no, no. I, um...
I made this from
a Captain Johnny Kit.
Yeah, they're, uh... They
look almost real, don't they?
Yes, they do.
Yeah, they're only $5.95.
They're real sturdy, too.
Just stay! Wait! Lady, hey!
Oh, hey, lady, look,
wait a minute!
Ah, listen.
Eunice, darlin" Did he shoot you?
Did he?
What happened?
What happened?
What happened?
Well, uh, she told me that I said,
"No, it's a Captain Johnny thing."
Then she said, "It's real,"
then I said, "No."
She did the same thing
the first time!
Look it this.
You're gonna have everybody
here within 30 miles after us.
Did you get the keys?
Yeah, I got 'em.
All right, okay, now let's
get in the car. Come on.
All right, everybody,
let's move out of here!
Come on, out of here!
Dolly!
No. I can't leave
here without Dolly.
- What Dolly?
- Can't leave her alone.
Dolly's our dog.
Aw, no, we don't have
room enough for dogs.
Look at how many
people we got, huh?
No dogs. She won't go.
No, I won't go.
We don't have any room for a dog.
Are you kiddin'?
I feel pretty bad about
takin' these people anyway.
Now, how can I separate
"em from their families?
How much room can a dog take?
Okay, get the dog.
Go ahead, get the dog!
Get the dog! You happy?
You wanna take a cat?
How about that bird over there?
Would you like to take the
little birdie with you, huh?
Okay?
Oh, I must be starved. That's
why I get as fat as I am.
Don't eat the doughnut.
Why not? I'll pay for it.
Well, I killed
a fly on there, so.
Want a mint?
Doesn't take up any room, huh?
That's cute little
thing, isn't it?
They got a pretty good
start on us.
Do you want me to
catch up with 'em?
No. I got a better idea.
Head for the Governor's house.
Take the back way. Down 86.
All right, come on,
hurry up now, let's go. Come on.
Could we get goin' before
somebody calls the Governor
and blows this
whole thing on us?
Now, you drive,
I'll sit up front,
and I'll make sure that
nothing goes wrong.
I didn't see a thing.
I just deliver these eggs
and be on my way to home,
where I bet you I won't talk
to anybody in three weeks.
Get in the car.
In the car. Take him with us.
Take everybody with us!
Take everybody with us!
Just get in the car!
Get in the car!
Somebody move that dog.
I'm sittin' on his tail!
Move his tail!
Hey, you got the dog's tail stuck.
You got the dog's tail...
Move the tail!
Get those eggs out of here.
He's slobberin' up the window.
Get... Move this thing out!
Love monster.
Hey, man! A circus car!
Where're you cats performing?
We're not performing. We're
going for a ride in your hearse.
You gotta be kidding, man.
We got a gig in an hour.
We gotta rock 'n' roll!
We're gonna be late.
Out and in that hearse.
Everybody out of the car.
Get the dog, hurry up.
Open the door, open
the door, open it!
Go ahead!
Come on.
All right, butter
and eggs, inside.
You, too, Marshall, in!
There's no room for me in there.
Make room.
Watch your hands!
They're heading for the
Governor's house with the money!
Good day, gentlemen.
Good day. We're here
on official business.
Is the Governor here?
Yes, this is his house.
He's entertaining the
Japanese Ambassador today.
Well, we won't be long.
Would you, uh,
like me to park the car?
Yeah, I'll tell you what.
Why don't you leave it at the side of
the house and just leave the keys in it.
Right.
Uh, can I help you gentlemen?
Yes, Governor.
I'm Officer Taylor.
We got a bit of a problem.
We got a phone call about
a bomb threat here tonight.
Seems that a couple of prisoners
escaped from down south of here
and they're headed up this way.
They said they're gonna blow
up the Governor's house.
Now, it could be nothin' but
we can't take any chances.
We'd kind of like to
keep an eye out for 'em,
mingle along your party,
just in case.
You know, it is very important
this affair goes very smoothly.
Well, don't worry,
they'll never notice us.
Right.
Boys?
Uh, can I help you?
Uh, yes, uh...
We're the entertainment.
Oh, yes, you can, uh, park next
to the prison car over there.
Okay.
Yipes!
Uh, pardon?
Uh, uh, I was just telling Yipes
here to park next to the prison car.
Go ahead, Yipes.
Oh, look, it's the warden's car.
They must have beat us.
We gotta get to the Governor
now before they spot us.
Oh, what're we gonna do? We're
never gonna get out of this mess!
You know something else? What're you gonna
do with those people in the back, huh?
Hey, put it in the garage.
Put it in the garage.
Uh, let the valet do that,
I don't know.
Put it in the garage.
It's gonna be close.
By the way, where is
that interpreter?
I can't sit here bobbing
at this man all day long.
Well, he's late, sir.
I'm sure he'll be here.
Thank you.
You sure it's locked? Yeah.
How're you gonna get these
people out of sight, though?
Here.
Quiet.
Go!
Hey! That's the Warden!
That's not the Warden!
That's Duke!
Now, with Duke out there, we'll
never get to see the Governor.
Pardon me.
I'm the interpreter. Could
you direct me to the Governor?
Uh, yeah, he's, uh, he's
right out here in the tent.
I think I'm going to take you personally
to the Governor's new chambers.
Would you step right this way?
Follow me.
This isn't gonna work.
This is not gonna work.
How am I gonna be an interpreter?
I don't even speak Japanese.
Well, I got news for you.
You don't even look Japanese.
Besides, you don't have
to speak Japanese.
No, because as soon as
you see the Governor,
you're gonna say,
"Hey, Governor, look, I got
this can, and guess what?"
"I got money in
the can, Governor."
Now, what you gonna
tell the Governor?
Well, I could talk to him
about the tax situation.
And another thing I noticed.
You know, when we were out
working on the road,
there are potholes there that
they are supposed to be working...
No. I'm gonna go with you.
We didn't come this far
for you to screw up now.
Here, find something
to cut that with.
I gotta find something myself.
Something a little alluring.
Something a little more
apropos.
You got the can of money?
- Good afternoon.
- Hi.
- Are you the interpreter?
- Uh-huh.
Your name? Uh, Dewey, oh.
Deweyo.
And this is the
little woman, Wallyo.
Right this way, please. Governor
Collier is expecting your arrival.
Duke and Brick are watching us.
Stay close to that can!
Governor, this is the interpreter,
Mr. Deweyo, and his wife, Wallyo.
I'll get another chair.
Uh, would you take a chair?
Well, I'm certainly
glad you got here.
The Ambassador doesn't
understand a word of English.
Now, if you don't mind, I'd
like to get this affair started.
Mr. Taki? Mr. Deweyo,
your interpreter.
Toyota.
Psst!
Hey, would you please
tell him about the can.
"Tell him." Uh, Governor, uh,
look I have to talk to you. The
reason that we're really here...
I know, I know! It's so that the
Ambassador and I can talk to each other.
With all this noddin'
goin' on all day,
my head is gonna
fall off my shoulders.
You, but you see, my
partner and I, we got...
If you don't mind, I'd
like to get this affair movin'.
But, uh...
May I have
your attention, please?
Ladies and gentlemen,
as you all know,
we are here today
to honor Ambassador Taki.
- And I have just a few remarks.
- The can.
Don't let these pages fool you.
I write very big.
Governor.
My wife, the can. Yes,
down the hall, to the left.
I'll tell her.
Since the Ambassador...
Down the hall, to the left.
I will be speaking
through an interpreter, Mr. Deweyo.
I hope he does me justice.
Ladies and gentlemen,
fellow citizens,
Ambassador Taki.
From your beautiful city
of cherry blossoms,
we welcome you with open arms,
to our city of dogwoods.
Tell him.
Dogwood.
Eh, dogwoods.
Dogwood!
Right.
You will notice, Mr. Taki
that we are trying to cement
international relations in trade.
Why, even the china
we're using is from Japan!
China.
Japan.
Japan!
Japan!
Well, well, uh, maybe
he'll understand this one.
Ah, I was tellin' some of my
fellow politicians the other day,
their cars are so small, you have to
get out of them to change your mind!
Gonna go with that one?
Tell him!
Change your mind... So small...
He'll pass on that one.
All right. This clown isn't gonna
understand any of these jokes.
Clown...
No! No... Just a little
fun, little jokie!
Jokie!
Psst!
Tell him about the can!
Governor! My wife, the can!
All right!
For heaven sake, will somebody
please take that lady to the can!
No! No, you don't
understand, she's holding it!
Good, good!
Never mind.
Before we retire
to the front lawn,
where our own Confederate army
will re-enact
an historic battle,
Mr. Taki has a surprise for us.
In one of the balloons over head
is a valuable Japanese pearl.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are
gonna drop those balloons,
and in one of those
balloons is the gift.
So, feel free to pop away
and win that prize.
Barroons!
Drop the balloons.
There you go.
Well, let's see who's lucky
enough to find that pearl.
Pop goes the balloon!
You can be the lucky one!
Hey, Duke! It's them!
Get' em!
What the
hell's goin' on here?
Over to the side,
the side!
What are you doing
under that table?
All right,
we gotta find them.
Search everywhere!
We gotta find that money!
Wally! Come on! I got it!
Let's get out of here!
- Go that way!
- That way!
No, that way!
What's going on here?
Um, the bomb!
The guy with the bomb.
A bomb? Come on,
let's go inside.
You stay out here, Lugs.
Hello? Hello, Red Alert!
There are madmen
in the Governor's mansion!
They've got a bomb and they're gonna
blow up the Governor and his guests!
Hurry!
A bomb! There's a bomb!
Would you keep quiet?
I don't see anything.
- I don't either.
- Think it's okay?
Wally, what do you think?
- All right, now listen, here's my plan.
- Right.
- See this hedge?
- Yeah.
Over that hedge is the lawn.
- Down that lawn is the gate and our freedom.
- Right.
- We gotta get out of here or we're dead men.
- Right.
- Now, listen.
- Yeah.
- When I say "go," we jump that lawn.
- Right.
- Okay? Check and see if anybody's watching.
- Right.
- Was that a bee?
- That was no bee! That was a bullet!
- They're shooting at you?
- What do you mean at me? At us!
You! You're a bigger target!
Hurry up!
No, no! That way!
Wait till I get
my hands on you.
Feel a hard day comin' on!
All right, you clowns,
attention.
This here's Warden Wallace.
You can call him Wally.
He don't take no nothin' from
nobody so don't give him no ideas.
But he's a fair man.
You do right by him
and he'll do right by you.
Now, here's your Warden!
All right, you clowns. My
name is Warden Wallace.
But you can call me Wally.
But don't get no ideas.
I don't take nothin'
from nobody.
But, I am a fair man.
You do right by me,
and I'll do right by you.
I leave anything out? No, no.
Dewey here'll show
you to your quarters.
When you get up in the
morning, check the work list.
You go straight,
or else you'll get this.
Show the big one.