Three Months (2022) Movie Script
[alarm bells ringing]
[horn blaring]
[ringing continues]
Come on! That boat's, like,
a light year away!
[boat horn blaring]
At some point, I'm gonna start
taking this personally!
You can't just ignore me,
Raymond! I'm not your wife!
Asshole.
[Little Richard singing
"Get Down With It"]
Well, all right
Well, all right, everybody
[bicycle bell ringing]
[people cheering]
Let your hair down
Aren't you supposed
to get somebody
to ride that with you?
If you got on a wig like
some people think I got on
And this is my own
beautiful hair,
What to do with it, fellas
CROWD: Take it off!
I said and get
down on with it
Do the jazz
Come on, baby
Wanna watch everybody work
Oh, yeah
Come on, baby, yeah
Wanna see everybody
do the jerk
Oh, come on, baby
It's been a long, long time
I said come on, baby
Wanna watch everybody
move around, yeah, yeah
I said, come on, baby
I'm gonna watch
everybody move around
Want everybody in the house
to raise both your hands
Everybody raise
both your hands
I said stomp your
feet, everybody
Stomp your feet
Now let's get with
my little beat
Everybody stomp
your feet, oh
Now get this
Little Richard's beat
Oh, one more time
I'm singin' one more time
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, woo
My, my, my, my, hey, yeah
Singin' one more time
I'm dancin' one more time
Oh, yes, all right
I'm singin' it's all right
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
My, my, my, my, hey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
My, my, my, my, my
Oh, it's all right
I'm singin' it's all right
Woo
Yeah, yeah, yeah
My, my, my, my
[crowd applause]
BOY: Just these.
Oh!
These too.
Those don't always
work, you know.
Okay.
GIRL: Oh, babe, but
I like bubble gum.
"But I like bubble gum."
The condoms.
Talking about the condoms.
First, you two get handsy in
the back of his mom's Jetta.
You say some cheesy line
about how hot she is.
She massages her nipples.
And then after warming
up his stick shift with
the Cabbage Patch lip gloss,
you would gently
slip on a Trojan,
the mightiest of
soldiers, and you think,
"Great, now I'm not
gonna get pregnant."
But you're wrong,
Hannah Montana.
Maybe there's no baby, but
sure enough, the condom rips,
and you get chlamydia...
God's punishment for
the sexually-active.
You gotta get a shot from
your judgmental pediatrician
who still wears
Mickey Mouse ties.
You better hope
that's all you get,
because, worse-case scenario,
you're pregnant and dead,
all because he stuck his
dick in some SAT tutor
before he shoved it in you.
[gasps]
That's gonna be $7.50.
You look like shit.
Say that about
my grandson again,
and you'll pay for it later.
Oh, yeah? Well, you look
like shit. Come here.
I am begging
you guys to stop.
Oh!
Also, Janine is relentless.
Put that damn
duck in the drawer
with the rest of 'em, will you?
Okay?
CALEB: Yeah.
Your graduation is tomorrow.
- Oh my god, it is?
- VALERIE: Yeah,
and I think that it'd be
very nice if you went.
Yeah, but then I'd miss
the "Golden Girls" marathon.
Has it ever occurred to you
that we might want to go
and celebrate your
accomplishments,
however mediocre they might be?
No one's stopping you, Benny.
Enjoy it.
And try
and get some sleep!
You really do look like shit.
Thank you.
[quiet sobbing]
- WOMAN: Caleb Cohn?
- Yeah.
[door creaking]
DR. DIAZ: Good morning.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Cohn.
I'm Dr. Diaz.
So, what are we doing today?
Uh, an STD check?
Yeah, that's
kind of why I'm here.
I just wanna, like,
test the shit out of me
so all this can be over.
The condom broke.
Yeah, apparently it was expired
like a fucking avocado.
- When did that happen?
- Last Thursday night.
I went to this new biker
bar called The Ram Rod.
Met this Slavic guy
who knew every single Best
Actress winner since 1962,
so I had sex with him.
Okay. [chuckling]
He sent me a
message last night.
"Ahoj, Caleb.
"I tested HIV-positive Monday.
"Swear I not know.
"I'm sure you make joke on
this I no understand, bye.
Zander."
Well, you've come
to the right place.
We'll test you for all STDs and
have your HIV baseline today.
Then you can make
appointments to the front desk
to come back for
your HIV re-checks.
No, no need to re-check.
I am officially
celibate until death.
Right.
Look, today's test
won't determine whether
you contracted the virus
from this exposure.
The test looks for
HIV antibodies,
and they take time to develop.
In the meantime,
I run a support
group twice a week.
We'd be happy to have you.
Yeah, but, like, I
don't even know if I have it.
Well, it's not only
for people who are positive.
This is sort of a any queer
person who wants to talk
and eat free cookies
kind of group,
so it's for people in
your position, too.
Okay, and, um,
typically how long
does somebody in my
position have to wait
to know if they
have it for sure?
[Le Tigre singing
"Deceptacon"]
Who took the bomp
Every day and night
Every day and night
Wanna disco,
wanna see me disco
One, two, three, four
You got you been asking for
You're so policy-free
and your fantasy wheels
And everything you feel
is alright
Alright,
alright, alright
Who took the bomp from
the bompalompalomp
Who too the ram from
the ramalamdingdong
DARA: 'Bout time, bitch.
I'm sorry.
What'd I miss?
Fuck if I know.
Fell asleep when Chloe
dedicated her diploma
to Jesus and Jeb Bush.
Gross.
- MAN: Kristy Quinlon.
- [crowd applauding]
CALEB: Did they
make it to the Vs?
Who cares if Dom
has walked yet? It's over.
All I ever wanted was
a boy to dry hump me
in the back of his dad's Prius,
and now that dream is dead.
- You're so dramatic.
- I'm in mourning.
You're always
mourning something.
First of all, rude.
Second of all, it's different.
It's Dom.
MAN: Sarah Stein.
DARA: Made these for you.
Oh, so Suzanne
didn't want them?
I don't know why she
keeps rejecting my quiche.
You know, it could be
because she's our boss?
Didn't stop her from
eating it last summer.
[laughing]
Look, I know this is hard,
but you gotta look
at the upside.
Now you get to sit on a
new face, a better face.
MAN: Andy Terasaki.
- Maybe I already did.
- Of course you already did!
Who's the guy?
His name was Zander.
He didn't speak a
word of English,
he was part Slav,
part, like, horse.
Was?
Yeah, he to fly back to
Belgrade a couple days ago.
He sent me a message.
MAN: Dom Valdez.
[camera shutter clicking]
[camera shutter clicking]
MAN: Sarah Valdez.
Caleb.
You're gonna be okay.
Am I?
People live with
this shit forever now.
Kinda feel like I live
with enough shit already.
Did you tell your grandma?
Why scare a woman who's
already lost her only son
when I can just, like, quietly
die alone on the inside?
MAN: And now once again, class
valedictorian Chloe Smith.
CHLOE: Congrats,
class of 2011.
We did it!
[bell ringing]
Hey.
So I spent the last couple of
days looking at... AIDS stuff.
Jesus, fuck, Dara!
Did your doctor
tell you about PEP?
He did not.
Well, it's this thing
that you take right after
you've been exposed, and it
can help get rid of AIDS.
Okay, but this says
you can only take it
up to three days
after having sex.
- It's been, like, a week.
- Isn't it work asking about?
[phone ringing]
MAN: Pride Center.
Yeah, hi, I'm
looking for Dr. Diaz.
MAN: Oh, he's not
available right now.
Please, it's a super-quick
life-or-death question.
MAN: If this is a medical
emergency,
please hang up and dial 911.
I can't, they
hate me over there.
MAN: He's upstairs
at his group meeting
- if you want to come by.
- [phone beeps]
- I gotta leave early.
- Okay.
- [bell ringing]
- Uhhh, ah.
Sorry I'm late.
I got stuck
with the principal!
Riley won't stop drawing
boobs on his homework.
He's obsessed.
I don't know where
he gets this from.
[scoffs]
Caleb, can you help me
replace the slushee machine?
It's so heavy.
I can do it.
I've been lifting.
[chuckling] Okay.
Go! Go, you have to!
[indistinct chatter]
- CALEB: Hi.
- You came.
What is PEP?
And how can I get on
it, like, right now?
Why don't we grab a coffee?
It's only effective within
three days of exposure.
And why did you not
tell me about that before?
Because I didn't want to
tell you about something
you couldn't use.
- It's been, like, a week.
- Caleb.
Maybe it'll still work.
Can we just, like...
Can we just, like, try, please?
Listen, I want you to
stay for group tonight.
You haven't lived
until you've tried
one of Lisha's donuts,
so do yourself a favor.
Oh, and we go to karaoke after.
All right, guys,
let's bring it in.
Welcome to "The Young
and The Sexless."
Jim, you're up.
JIM: [laughing]
Hi, I'm Jim, and I'm
married to Dr. Oz.
Well, I've been positive...
[muffled voice]
I saw that.
Would you like a prize?
Not if it's one
of those donuts.
JIM: ...their lives and their
sex lives
aren't over after diagnosis.
Anywho,
once we found out,
we did all the right things
to ensure that
Adrian was protected.
Undetectable means
untransmittable.
Both, uh, true fact
and the title of
my upcoming memoir.
[laughing]
How about you?
You care to share?
Okay, um, well, I'm Caleb.
I, um... I'm here
because a condom broke.
The guy had HIV, and now
I'm waiting to find out
if I do, too. Oldest story in...
[bag popping]
CALEB: ...book or something.
Uh, I'm supposed to
go to Parsons,
but their tuition
costs as much as
a small chain of
islands, so, we'll see.
Oh, and I work at the
mini-mart on 72nd,
so, slushee
discounts all around.
That's great.
Thank you, Caleb.
And Estha?
Hi. Um, my name's Estha,
and, uh, I'm also waiting.
All through the night
Stray cat is crying
So stray cat sings back
All through the night
They have forgotten
what by day they lack
Under those white
street lamps
There is a little chance
Hey, it's Estha, right?
I brought you a karaoke book.
I don't know if you
already have one,
but I thought you might need
one if you wanted to sing?
I don't do
karaoke, I'm tone-deaf.
If only that stopped
everyone, right?
And once we start,
the meter clicks
And it goes running
Maybe you should
sing something.
Oh, no, no.
No, the last time I did karaoke,
I totally butchered my
favorite Bowie song,
and I still feel the shame.
Who's that?
Bowie.
Like, David Bowie.
Like, Ziggy Stardust.
Kinda looks like a man,
kinda looks like an alien,
kinda looks like something
you'd want to avoid
in a dark basement.
Nope.
Do you live under
a rock or something?
No, I'm from India.
Plenty of rocks in India.
Sorry?
Okay, well, what
would you sing
if you had to sing something?
Out of American music?
Sure.
Probably Taylor Swift.
[chuckling]
Oh my god, you're serious.
What? Sometimes I feel like
she steals my journal
and writes about my life.
Is her next crossover
hit gonna be called,
"This Is What I Get
For Riding Bareback?"
Let's hope not.
[laughing]
JIM: Until it ends
There is no end
CALEB: It was
cool to meet you.
ESTHA: It's good
to meet you too.
Did you, um... did
you drive here?
No, I, uh, took the bus.
I have to, uh, ask my
parents' permission
to use their car
specifically for my friends.
Yeah, yeah, I haven't
told my grandma either.
It's just easier since
they don't know about
the whole gay thing.
Do you want a ride?
I have a tandem bike.
That means two people can...
I know what a tandem bike is.
You didn't know Bowie, so,
like, I didn't want to assume.
I, uh... I live a
couple miles away.
That's okay.
Uh, you can help me pedal.
Okay.
Cool. Um, I parked
in this creepy side alley.
Don't worry,
I'm not gonna murder you.
You say very strange things.
I get that a lot.
How's it going back there?
I'm afraid you're gonna crash.
It's my dad's bike.
I can ride with my eyes closed.
Yeah, I really
rather you didn't.
Noted.
So when did you start
going to those meetings?
About three weeks ago.
It's nice to talk
to people, so...
Watch out for the pothole.
Sure.
Well, how'd you get into this
mess in the first place?
Last year my parents
started introducing me
to their friends' daughters,
and every time I say no,
there'd be another one waiting.
Assembly line dating?
Yeah, my mom did the
exact same thing.
Is she conservative?
Oh, she's Jewish.
Orthodox Jewish.
Yeah, mentally and emotionally,
she's stuck in a shtetl in 1805.
ESTHA: You can stop here.
[bike brakes creaking]
So this is you, huh?
It's cool. You got a great lawn.
Says a lot about a person.
Hmm, look at those
really nice bushes.
Perfectly trimmed, A-plus.
Actually, I live
down the street,
but I'll just walk.
Do I give off, like,
a serial killer
vibe or something?
No, but my dad stays up late,
and I didn't want him seeing
a white boy drop me off
on a gay two-man bike.
Might raise some questions.
Got it.
You seem nervous.
No, I get, uh,
a little too talkative
around guys sometimes.
It's, like, I ask
a lot of questions.
It's the thing that I do
that I might be working on.
I meant about
what's happening.
The waiting.
Um, yeah.
Yeah, sleeping's hard.
That was very embarrassing,
by the way, when I implied that
I get nervous around
you for being a guy.
If you can't sleep,
you can call me.
Sometimes I can't sleep either,
and, uh, don't really have
anybody to talk to.
Are you writing your
number on a Subway coupon?
You can type it in my phone.
Are you going to
the next meeting?
Shh.
[whispers]
Should I take that as a yes?
[bell ringing]
WOMAN: This is
the true story...
MAN: True story...
WOMAN: Of seven strangers...
[man laughing]
MAN: Picked to
live in a house...
WOMAN: And have
their lives taped...
MAN: Oh, Lucy, I'm home.
MAN: To find
out what happens...
MAN: When people
stop being polite...
MAN: And start getting real.
MAN: "The Real World:
San Francisco."
PEDRO: I used to
go around to schools
and I speak about HIV and AIDS.
I'm HIV-positive.
CORY: When Pedro told
me he was HIV-positive,
it was just, like,
"No, not him."
I like this guy,
and I don't want him
to have to suffer.
[phone chiming]
CORY: I had an incredible time
talking to him on the train.
PEDRO: Have you, uh,
been in a relationship?
CORY: The longest relationship
I ever had is a year and a half.
CORY: And, I don't know.
I don't think I've ever...
I don't really think
I've ever been in love.
PEDRO: I get very
twisted, and, uh...
CORY: What did you do
down there?
What did you do for a living?
PEDRO: ...I'm still pretty
uncertain about, you know,
meeting five people,
and I don't know how they
going to feel about me
being HIV-positive.
[phone ringing]
PHONE: Look at
your phone, bitch!
[phone ringing]
PHONE: Look at
your phone, bitch!
[phone ringing]
PHONE: Look at
your phone, bitch!
[phone chiming]
MAN: Hey, it's the Pride
Center calling for Caleb Cohn.
Dr. Diaz would like you to
stop by the clinic today.
Okay, thanks.
VALERIE: Caleb,
Dara's waiting for you!
Oh, the Orion Condominium.
Hmm, it's got a kosher
deli in the lobby.
Mm-hmm.
BENNY: But 25% off on
Thursdays for the residents.
And you want me to turn
in my home for a coupon?
I would. Their noodle kugel
is next level.
The food here is good, too.
BENNY: See? There he is!
Hey, tell me something.
Which one would you choose
for your grandmother
to live in with me?
- Um...
- Don't distract him.
He's got enough on his mind
without worrying about
what nursing home
we should die in.
Well, technically,
it's not a nursing home.
It's a luxury condominium.
I promise I'll stop talking now.
Okay, as
lovely as this has been,
um, we should go.
You should have some
coffee before you leave
because you look exhausted.
These compliments so early.
Thank you.
Thanks for the fish!
Does he seem different to you?
When does he not
seem different?
- We're gonna be late for work.
- Oh, I'm not going to work.
- What?
- Yeah.
I am truly devastated to report
that I have to go
back to the clinic.
Again? Why?
I don't know, so, naturally,
I'm assuming the worst.
All right, well,
I guess I'll do
inventory by myself then.
CALEB: You're the messiah!
Owe you forever, love you, bye!
[knocking on door]
Am I gonna die?
Do you have any
plans to kill yourself?
Not at the moment.
DR. DIAZ: Then
you're not gonna die.
I will not let the anal
gonorrhea take you down.
The fuck? Is that worse
than normal gonorrhea?
No, it's
just on the anus.
- You mean my butt?
- I'm a doctor, I mean anus.
Okay, but I don't
have any symptoms.
Any soreness?
I guess, but
I just thought was from,
like, getting railed.
We'll take care of
the infection today.
But you should know that
the presence of gonorrhea
can help the contraction of HIV.
Are you allergic to any
medications, like penicillin?
I don't think so.
DR. DIAZ: All right.
Now, hop off the
table and bend over.
Story of my life.
So this should take care of it?
Yep, penicillin is great.
Alexander Fleming
discovered it in the '20s.
Good for her.
DR. DIAZ: He left his lab
a mess over the weekend.
When he got back, a weird fungus
had grown in a petri dish.
From that fungus,
we have penicillin.
Sounds disgusting.
Yeah,
but it's amazing
what you can discover
after life gets fucked up.
[bell ringing]
Dara?
Are you out back?
You will not believe
the size of the...
[Suzanne screaming]
- [Dara screaming]
- [screaming]
- SUZANNE: Pull up your pants!
- DARA: I'm trying!
- SUZANNE: Try harder!
- DARA: I'm trying harder!
Stop yelling at me!
Hi. Do you wanna know the
craziest thing about doors?
You can lock them.
Fuck, man, she's so mad.
If anyone asks, you
didn't see anything.
I am literally trying to unsee
that as we speak.
I thought she didn't
want to eat your quiche.
Oh, remember when
I covered for you?
We got to talking,
and things started to happen,
and it was like...
It is bad enough that I'm
responsible for my own mistakes.
Do not make me responsible
for yours, too.
Caleb?
Uh...
You're not gonna say anything.
You saw nothing.
No, promise me.
Caleb, say it!
Say it!
Promise me!
You rang?
Sit.
Um, look, I'm having
such a shitty week, okay?
Henry still hasn't found a job,
I'm doing double duty with
the fucking kids at home.
My dog got scabies
again at the dog park.
My mother-in-law is visiting.
I...
I'm really not happy.
You looked pretty happy
a couple minutes ago.
- You know what?
- What?
- I don't like your tone.
- CALEB: Mm-hmm.
And I really don't like seeing
security camera footage of you
fucking around
and leaving early.
I'm trying to run a business...
a profitable,
respectable business!
You're right,
this is a mini-mart.
It's very serious. We sell,
what, 10 types of Funyuns
and, like, a pickle in a sack?
You know what,
don't fucking test me!
I could fire you!
Okay, Suzanne,
I can't lose this job.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
I need the minimum
wage that you pay me.
Really?
Yeah, so, it won't
happen again, I swear.
I'm sorry?
It won't
happen again, I swear.
Fine.
Cool.
Can we also just agree that
what happens in
here stays in here?
Do you mean what happened here
and, like, here,
and, like, here?
Yeah, all of
it, and over there, right.
Mm-hmm, yeah, no.
Secret's safe with me.
- You promise?
- Sure.
- Can I leave now?
- Please.
Thanks.
Oh.
You could be a little
nicer to her, you know?
So could you.
You're
off by two cents.
DARA: Go.
Just go.
- Well?
- I can't believe you like her.
She's, like, at least
five kinds of evil?
Does she hate me?
Hating you is
statistically possible,
and I have the math to prove it.
Yeah, you failed math. Twice.
This is a different
type of math.
This is gay math.
Oh, some kid came
in looking for you?
He bought kettle corn.
I think he's still outside.
Are you hooking up with him?
Gonna be right back.
[bell ringing]
You do know that popcorn isn't
the only food group, right?
Jim's having a
cabaret show tomorrow.
Do you wanna go?
It depends.
Are you asking me out?
Depends what you'd say.
- Maybe?
- Then maybe.
I don't get off until eight.
ESTHA: Show starts at nine.
- So just pick you up from here?
- I'll meet you there.
Okay, cool.
Is she your friend?
Yeah, she's kind
of my only one.
I figured.
How?
You both say very
strange things.
MALE SINGER:
Going toe to toe
Under the neon lights
We're gonna...
Do you feel like
closing early tonight?
[rock music plays
from headphones]
Dara!
Dara!
[rock music playing]
Teach me the lies,
teach me to win
Whoa!
Wow, a vicious read.
Make it up to me
with a close party.
I'm not feeling
so hot right now.
That sounds like
a perfect excuse
to shut this place down
and get absolutely blasted.
There's only 15 minutes left.
We should at least wait.
You're right, we should.
[Scissor Sisters
singing "Any Which Way"]
[both imitating
water gurgling]
I don't need a doctor
Just a simple look or garter
To slide to my
side so civilly
No talk of commitment
When I receive a shipment
Oh, I need express delivery
Any which way, any which way
You better take me
any which way you can
Any which way,
any which way
You better take me
any which way you can
- [Caleb groaning]
- [Dara laughing]
You know, baby
When I was taking my pantyhose
out of their egg this evening
I thought, I'm gonna
find that man that has
The right shade
of bottled tan
A man that smells like
cocoa butter and cash
Take me anyway you like it
In front of the fireplace
In front of your yacht
In front of my parents
I don't give a damn,
baby, just take me
Any which way, any which way
Any which way you can
Any which way, any which way
Any which way you can
Any which way, any which way
Any which way you can
Any which way,
any which way you can
[vomiting]
[Caleb belching]
[Dara mumbling]
What's wrong?
Are you gonna vomit too?
Mm-mm.
- Okay.
- Maybe.
You think we'll ever find
other people to do this with?
Why do we need other people?
No, like...
like a boyfriend or a girlfriend
or maybe somebody in-between.
Like, somebody who
wants to do dumb shit
who also wants to make out.
- Oh.
- Mm.
Yeah.
For sure.
What if that's
harder for me now?
It won't be.
Yeah, but what if it is?
No.
It won't be.
And until then,
you got me, bitch.
PEDRO: Everything about
my life is uncertain.
I'm totally stressed out
because of my health,
and I'm totally stressed
out because of work,
and I don't know
what I want to do.
Just call me and tell me.
That's the only thing
I've ever asked for.
Hey, Caleb?
Can I run something by you?
Totally.
VALERIE: Okay,
how's this sound?
"When I first started teaching
here back in the late 1800s"...
Pause for laughs.
"The only gender studies
course was worth half a credit
and met in what is now
the woman's bathroom."
Okay, Joan Rivers,
is this a guest lecture
or an HBO special?
Grandma?
You good?
Yeah, yeah, less
Joan Rivers, got it.
Thanks a lot, honey.
[phone buzzing]
PHONE: Look at
your phone, bitch!
JIM: And when a hot redhead
walks down the street,
do you also imagine
God knocking over
a bottle of Sriracha?
[audience laughing]
JIM: Well, I think
it's time for a song.
This is a special request
from an audience member
in the third row.
Everyone wave hi to Estha!
[audience applauding]
Ground control
to Major Tom
Ground control to Major Tom
Take your protein pills
and put your helmet on
Can you earn a living
from taking photographs?
Isn't very practical.
Practicality is very 2010.
I was gonna go to
college in New York,
take a bunch of photos,
overdose on ramen.
How about you?
Where you going next year?
Georgia Tech.
Atlanta.
Fancy.
You're excited?
It's hard to think of
anything past this summer.
Do you ever, like,
wonder what you would do
- if the test came back...
- No.
I try not to.
Yeah, uh, me either.
I mean, I know you're
supposed to be fine
if you take all the
shit you're supposed to.
At this point, you'd have worse
luck with cancer, but, like...
Still kinda wish it
was something else.
Like, anything else.
You'd rather have cancer?
I don't know
about that, but, um...
Yeah, I just... at least then
I wouldn't feel like it was...
ESTHA: Your fault.
Anyways, are you, um...
are you gonna go to sleep
- when you get home, or...
- Am I going home?
Are we gonna get in trouble?
It's always a possibility.
Is this your temple?
CALEB: Yeah, it used to be.
What happened?
Um, the artist formerly known
as my mother married the rabbi,
and they're assholes,
so I stopped going.
You really shouldn't
talk about her like that.
She's still your mom.
CALEB: Yeah, but, like,
moms aren't supposed to forget
to pick you up
from band practice right after
your dad died
'cause she's too busy
trying to find a new husband.
Moms aren't supposed
to make you move in
with your grandma because
your big old gay lifestyle
doesn't sit too well
with the rabbi's mezuzah.
Moms aren't supposed
to treat you
like a total and
complete stranger.
What's a mezuzah?
It's like this thing
you nail to your house.
It's got the Bible in it.
Come on, this jungle gym
is gonna blow your mind.
I lost two teeth falling
off of this jungle gym.
Tooth fairy was supposed
to give me 20 bucks.
Instead, I got two carrots
and a pack of Chiclets.
- That's upsetting?
- No, it was pretty funny.
My dad did dumb shit
like that all the time.
Um, I had my first
kiss under this bridge
with Jordan Stein.
Jordan smelled like applesauce.
Needless to say, I was smitten.
- What happened to him?
- Jordan was a girl.
I meant your dad.
Oh.
Um, he had a heart attack.
I once peed down this slide.
Okay, I'm lying.
I peed down this slide a lot.
That must've been hard.
No, I've got awesome pee aim.
I was talking about your dad.
I know.
- When did he, uh...
- [thunder booming]
We should take cover.
I think it's gonna rain.
[rain piddling]
I think I'm sitting
on a spider.
It's a playground
rite of passage.
I think you're gonna be fine.
I can't believe
this is outside the place
where you pray.
Yep, there's a
sanctuary in there.
It's also a catering
hall and a preschool.
We're nothing if not
an economical people.
Do you like being Jewish?
It's a loaded question.
Um, leaning toward yes.
There's, like, six
types of Jewish people,
and I wanna say two
are pretty fierce.
Do you like being Hindu?
Who said I was Hindu?
Oh my god, I'm so sorry...
I'm just kidding.
I'm Hindu.
[chuckles]
I, uh...
It's getting late.
- BENNY: Where you going?
- Work.
Where you really going?
I'm gonna go do some
drugs, graffiti buildings,
- TP the principal's house.
- Caleb.
Benny, could we
not do this now, please?
"The Young and The Sexless?"
- Where did you find that?
- On the floor.
I'm doing a photo project.
Gay men in crisis, the pos
community, homeless youth,
those who can't dress
for their body type.
- You're lying.
- I'm not lying.
Are you gonna tell her?
Or am I?
You know, this is actually
none of your business.
Excuse me?
We both know
that you only pretend
to give a shit about me
because you have to... for her.
Do you know me?
Have we met?
Now I've spent the last
15 years of my life
taking you out for
sleepovers and band practice
and off the floor
because your daddy died.
I could be buying pina coladas
and the daiquiris,
some loose poker, but I
decided to spend it on you,
because we do belong together.
If you don't tell her, I will,
because you're just a kid.
You shouldn't do this alone.
DR. DIAZ: Caleb?
What's new with you?
Oh, I've been amazing.
Things have been
looking up for me.
Um, my job is awesome.
I had a conversation
with my boss.
We're gonna take things to the
next level professionally.
I'm very excited about that.
Kinda Zen about the whole thing.
I think it's this new
sleep regiment I'm on.
Also, I've been riding
my bike everywhere,
so I'm like... like
saving the planet
and engaging my core
at the same time.
DR. DIAZ: That's great, Caleb.
[repeated thunking]
[door creaking]
- Did you just get here?
- Unfortunately.
Dude, I called you,
like, twice this morning.
Yeah, I woke up late.
Suzanne here?
No, she's with that penis.
CALEB: Thank God.
How are you?
Alive.
I get test results tomorrow.
Alright?
Wanna hang?
Help take your mind off of it?
I'm supposed to work,
but it's not like
anyone needs me here.
I'm good, don't worry.
I'm not worried,
I just thought you
might want some company.
I have plans.
With who?
A friend.
What friend?
Wow, this place is
definitely a... choice.
Where is everybody?
We close down
Monday for cleaning.
We?
You're not the
only one with a job.
Everything you see can be
yours for the next 42 minutes.
You're full of surprises.
I thought a little escape
might help you calm down.
Unless the rides
are made of Xanax,
- I don't think that's possible.
- Can you just relax?
For me?
[metal clanging]
Welcome to the popcorn stand.
Would you like it
sweet or salty?
Every single question
I've ever had about you
has just been answered.
They say if
you do what you love,
you never work a
day in your life.
Okay, but
I'm almost positive
they didn't mean popping corn.
That's where you're wrong.
It's the best.
Back home, we used to go to
the American movie
theater on Sundays.
I'd be excited to go all week.
They played the classics like
"Breakfast at Tiffany's"
or "A Star is Born" or...
- Oh, which version?
- There's more than one?
Okay, I'm gonna
pretend you're joking.
It didn't matter what
the movie was anyway.
It just would take
me out of my head.
Anytime I felt depressed,
I'd, uh, go back into my pockets
and take the leftover
popcorn and eat it,
and I was back watching
Holly Golightly and her cat.
Now you can get out of
your head whenever you want,
so maybe try eating a vegetable.
I still like eating it.
It helps me not be...
Sad?
Present.
What next?
[Vampire Weekend
singing "White Sky"]
Go!
An ancient business, a
modern piece of glasswork
Down on the corner
That you walk each
day in passing
The whole immortal
corporation's
Given its permission
Tom?
Can you operate the
drop for me and my...
me and my cousin?
A little stairway, a
little piece of carpet
A pair of mirrors that
are facing one another
Out in both directions,
a thousand little Julias
That come together in
the middle of Manhattan
You waited since lunch
It all comes at once
Oh, oh, ooh ooh ooh
Oh, oh, ooh
Where are you going?
TOM: It's stuck!
Gotta call maintenance.
[birds cawing]
Are you all right?
Yeah.
[roller coaster creaking]
Dara?
Caleb tells me
you're a great cook.
What do you like to make?
Food.
[whispers] I make food.
- [door opening]
- Thank God.
- Happy to see me?
- What's the verdict?
DR. DIAZ: Your 30-day antibody
test came back negative.
So far, so good, right?
DR. DIAZ: So far.
I will see you back here
on day 60 and day 90.
Thanks for coming
with me today.
- Duh.
- Sure.
Oh, shit, I never thought
I'd need a third seat.
Let's take the bus.
The bus is cool.
No, it's chill. Um, I told
Suzanne I'd help her out
at the store in an hour.
Ew. You don't work today.
I don't know. She asked
if I wanted overtime, so...
Okay, don't do
anything I wouldn't do,
so don't do anything.
Hey.
Look, Benny, I know
I've been a dick lately,
and I just wanted to
say I'm really sorry.
It's, like, a lot for
me, and I don't know how
I'm gonna tell her, but...
VALERIE: Tell her what?
Well, somebody
better say something.
Somebody, anybody,
before I burn this
house to the ground.
What?
What's going on?
Okay, okay, um...
Lately, I've been going
through this thing.
I met a guy after Don
dumped me and we, you know,
and the condom ripped and
it turns out he has HIV.
But I don't know if I have it.
I don't think I have it.
I might not have it, you know,
and I have to wait until
the end of summer
to find out if I do.
And that's why I've been
kind of a bitch lately.
Can you please say something?
Why didn't you tell me sooner?
I didn't want to freak
you out after everything.
Benny tried to get me
to tell you, but, like,
I couldn't.
You could never
freak me out, Caleb,
although you sure
keep trying to.
Well, it's
just, like, I mean,
telling you just makes
the whole thing feel real,
and I was just totally
hoping it would be imaginary.
The only thing that's
real is this right here,
you and me, no?
Now give me a hug.
Okay, I can't breathe.
Grandma?
VALERIE: If you ever hide
anything like this
from me again,
you won't have to worry
about getting sick
because I will throttle
you with my bare hands,
you understand what
I'm saying to you?
Yes.
VALERIE: Good.
[phone ringing]
[phone buzzing]
[Kidz Bop Kids singing
"DJ Got Us Falling In Love"]
Kidz Bop
Yeah, man
So we back in the club
Hey. Everything okay?
Yes. Why are we whispering?
I'm at home.
Oh, okay, cool.
ESTHA: What's up?
Um...
I told her.
Told her what?
My grandma. About everything.
How did it go?
Yeah, I mean,
considering I felt that
the news might kill
her, it was pretty okay.
- You're lucky.
- Am I on speaker?
I can't hear you
over the Kidz Bop.
I said,
okay, that's great.
I, uh... I can't talk now.
I'll see you tonight.
Did you not
want to tell me because
you knew it'd be even harder
for me to sell this place?
I know you're
upset about Caleb.
No, no, I'm not
upset about Caleb!
I'm furious with you,
asshole, for lying to me!
Caleb is fine. He's just...
He's going to be fine.
He's gonna be fine.
He's gonna be fine. He's...
He's gonna be fine.
[sobbing]
DR. DIAZ: Caleb? You with us?
Feels like all
I do is worry her.
After my dad died,
she convinced herself that
she's responsible for me,
and she feels guilty
that I ended up here,
which makes me feel even
guiltier than I already did.
Being Jewish is really
hard, basically.
You did the right thing.
It's good to have someone
to talk to at home.
And, Estha?
How are things going with you?
Um, they've been better.
I, um...
I, um, find out soon,
and every hour feels like a day.
I...
I still don't know what
my dad will do if, uh...
I'm everything to them, the...
perfect son, the one they to
talk to their friends about,
the salutatorian,
the one that they scram out
to lunch every single Sunday.
They love the son
I let them see.
But then there's this
other part of me, right...
the part I keep hidden...
and I keep trying so hard
to be perfect because
I think they'd hate
that other part of me.
But if I do end up having this,
I know I'll have to tell them.
I just don't wanna
be here anymore.
I, uh... I'll go back.
I'd even go forward. It's here.
Here is where I'm having an
issue, where I can't even
watch the TV with my parents
without them thinking that
they know it's there, that
they can smell it on me.
DR. DIAZ: Smell what on you?
Shame.
[phone ringing]
PHONE: Look at
your phone, bitch!
[phone ringing]
Hi.
Happy Fourth, fool.
Are we gonna stoned
and watch "Spiders From Mars"
like last year? I can score some
environmentally-friendly
fireworks.
No, I can't, I'm sorry.
There's something I have to do.
- DARA: You with that kid again?
- His name is Estha.
All right, whatever.
I gotta tell you something
about Suzanne later, though.
CALEB: Why? What happened?
She said she loved me.
That she fucking loved me.
SUZANNE: Sorry, somebody's
gotta make a living
in this family right now!
Yeah, that's why she
asked me to work overtime.
After we hooked up,
she couldn't stop thinking
about me. How sick is that?
CALEB: Dara, I really
gotta go, I'm sorry.
- I'll call you back later.
- Well...
Are you ready to go?
Where?
So these are the fireworks?
Hey, it's the best I could do.
Ooh!
Big, scary, ooh!
FEMALE SINGER:
Accidental lover
What'd you do with
all my common sense
You came in undercover
When I didn't
even want a friend
I'm tired of looking
like I'm dying
I know I can find
the silver lining
Like before
Like before
And you got a funny
sense of timing
Showed up on the night
that I stopped trying
Something more
You're something more
And I'm like, oh, sweet,
gotta think I'm in trouble
Kinda make you wonder
What it's like
on the other side
And I'm like, baby
Kinda drive me crazy
I'm not one to save you
But I guess I
will really try
Oh my, oh my
ESTHA: Thanks
for kidnapping me.
I'm a surprisingly
good kidnapper.
Feel like I should be
more alarmed by that.
ESTHA: I live so close to
the beach, but I never come.
CALEB: Hm, congrats.
You're officially
a true Floridian.
Come on, being from
Florida isn't that bad.
It's gonna be okay, you know.
You know it's not.
You know everything could
change after tomorrow.
Do you know who
Pedro Zamora is?
I don't know any of the
people you talk about.
Right.
Well, basically, there was,
um, this TV show in the '90s
called "The Real
World: San Francisco."
Seven complete strangers
move into a
poorly-decorated brownstone
and annoy the shit
out of each other.
Pedro is one of those people.
He was from here, actually.
He also was openly pos,
which was, like,
brutal at the time.
And no matter how much his
dumb roommate talked shit,
he still managed to be
the smartest, funniest,
finest motherfucker in the room.
Did he make it?
No.
But we will.
I don't want to live
with something that makes
everyone in my life leave me.
I won't leave you.
Isn't your grandma
gonna hear us?
What, no, she
can't hear anything.
Um, we can be quiet,
though, just in case.
[The Drums singing
"Down By The Water"]
Everybody's gotta
love someone
Should I?
If you feel like
if you want to.
- Caleb, this is bad.
- What?
This is fucking awesome.
Yeah, I know, but,
we can't have sex.
[sighs]
Define sex.
We'll still be together
I know it's hard
I know it's hard
But I understand you...
- What are you doing?
- CALEB: Relax.
If you fall asleep
down by the water
Baby, I'll carry...
- Oh, salty.
- [Caleb chuckling]
If you fall asleep
down by the water
Baby, I'll carry
you all the way home
Those are gonna be a
bitch to clean tomorrow.
Caleb.
What are gonna do about this?
What?
This.
Um...
[moaning]
ESTHA: I feel like
he's watching us.
He is.
But it's nothing he
hasn't seen before.
Your parents gonna
wonder where you are?
I don't care anymore.
I'll come with you
tomorrow if you want.
I'm pretty good company.
By that I mean I
will bring drugs.
I'd rather go alone.
Just don't know
what I'll do if...
You'll take the medication,
and you'll be fine.
I don't think I'll make it.
I think I'd just
rather not be here.
Don't say shit like that.
It's not something
you joke about.
Oh, you're one to talk.
Have you ever lost anyone?
No.
Okay, well, with
all due respect,
you have no idea what it's like.
Death is not, like, some
freedom from sadness
or your parents or AIDS.
It's no more bike rides,
it's no more movie nights,
it's no more board games.
It's...
It's just nothing.
Don't leave the people
who love you with nothing.
If you love me, you
won't love me anymore.
I'll ask you not
to speak for me. Thanks.
[birds singing]
[bell ringing]
Where's Suzanne?
She left.
Yeah, something about
a dog having worms,
or worms having a dog, I don't
know. It sounded really gross.
Where is she?
Hm, I just told you, sir, she
left. I mean, She's no longer...
- [Suzanne giggling]
- ...here.
SUZANNE: Oh, oops, my bad!
Um, that's for
employees only back there.
[Suzanne and Dara giggling]
- Move.
- No.
- Move.
- No! [groans]
- SUZANNE: Harry!
- HARRY: What the fuck, Suzanne?
SUZANNE: Look, Harry, it's
not... just please calm down.
It's not what you think.
She was helping me...
Helping you what?
Find your tits?
Yeah, I was helping her find
my tits! No, I, we were...
- She's a kid!
- SUZANNE: She's not a kid!
- Actually, I'm 18.
- She's 18!
She's not a kid!
HARRY: What am I
gonna tell Riley?
SUZANNE: Riley? Why do you
have to tell Riley anything?
This is between you and me!
This is nothing!
Okay, it's nothing.
It's really just a stupid, big
fat nothing! There's nothing.
Ah, uh, we're...
We're done.
Henry.
I'm sorry, I...
Henry!
Come back!
[bell ringing]
Hoo!
That was fucking crazy.
Yeah.
She left.
Can't believe she left.
Dude, her
fucking husband
just almost Scott Petersoned me.
Are you okay?
Oh, so now you give
a shit about my life?
Because it's suddenly
dramatic enough for you?
What the fuck is your problem?
- My problem?
- Yeah.
Caleb, what the
hell is your problem?
Banging weird dudes and
ditching me for that loser?
Okay, Dara?
Take a second,
and can you stop, like,
pretending to understand
the shitstorm that's become
my life, because you don't.
But I wanted to, Caleb.
But you don't give a shit.
So, I'm done.
Yeah, if you want to be sick
with someone else, fine.
Go be sick with someone else.
[bell ringing]
[Perfume Genius
singing "Whole Life"]
Half of my whole life
Is gone
Let it drift
And wash away
It was just a dream
I had
It was just a dream
Negative again.
Oh, fuck.
Can that just be it?
Like, do I really have
to wait another month?
I'm telling you,
you're going to be okay.
Half of my whole life
Is done
Heather gathers
In its place
CALEB: Hey, this is Taylor,
calling you for the
five millionth time
to let you know that I've
written a song about you.
It's called "Pick up
the phone, bitch."
Hey. I just wanna know...
WOMAN: This mailbox is full
and cannot accept any messages
at this time. Good-bye.
Leave them
Behind
FEMALE SINGER: Matchmaker,
matchmaker, make me a match
Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Night after night in
the dark, I'm alone
So find me a match of my own
Um, I'm gonna
head out for a bit.
Oh, you know, Benny's
gonna be out late tonight.
He's playing poker.
I thought it would
be a good time for us
to put your portfolio together.
CALEB: Yeah, I'm not doing
the portfolio any more.
Why not?
Because I don't
want to, because I suck.
Also, I don't think
I wanna go anymore.
Oh, wait just a minute here.
Stay right there.
Now this is your dream school.
You're going.
I'm not going.
VALERIE: Oh, I'm not
gonna let you do this.
I'm not gonna let you throw
away everything you worked for!
Okay, just because
you couldn't save Dad
doesn't mean you have
to try and save me.
That's not fair.
I know we're not allowed to
talk about him, but that's true.
Have you
thought at all about
what this is like for me,
who's responsible for you?
I can't talk about your
father because it'd kill me.
And then who would be
here to take care of you?
I'm sorry you
got stuck with me.
Consider yourself free, okay?
Caleb!
Find me no find
Catch me no catch
Unless he's a
matchless match
ESTHA: You need to leave.
Oh, it's good to
see you too, you fuck!
- Open the window.
- I can't talk right now.
Open the window, or I'll
scream my fucking face off.
You're alive. That's cool.
Um, where the hell
have you been?
Didn't return any
of my calls, and...
I told you I was gonna
be there no matter what.
Negative, positive,
I don't care.
You should leave.
What? I'll be quiet.
Your parents, they won't
even know I'm here.
Caleb?
Okay, I don't care
if you're positive.
I'm not positive.
You're not positive?
That's fucking amazing news!
You're not positive?
We gotta go party!
We gotta get fucking wasted!
Caleb, you should go.
What's going on?
Listen.
You've been a good
friend to me this summer.
Good friend?
But, uh, now I have to
focus on the fall and school,
and, uh, this thing will
have to be behind me.
This thing?
This thing?
So, wait, you didn't
try to kill yourself?
You're just, like... you're
just, like, ignoring me.
Why is that so much worse?
Is it 'cause you're fine?
And maybe I'm not fine?
Caleb.
I'm just a
distraction for you.
- What?
- Yeah, yeah.
Just like a nice
way to pass the time
until you go to
your perfect college
with your perfect friends and
your perfect fucking future...
Caleb. Can't stay
in the summer forever.
I can't, okay? I'm sorry.
DAD: Estha! What is going on
in there?
ESTHA: Just watching a movie!
Go.
Oh, and fuck you for
making me like Taylor Swift.
[knocking on door]
Hi.
So, how are you?
Good.
How's your grandmother?
She's still alive.
Yeah, you could call her.
Yeah, I've been busy.
With, um...
Beth El's Sisterhood.
[unintelligible]
You want something to drink?
Yes, please.
You used to like those.
- Hey, where's Aaron?
- EDITH: He's working late.
You look terrible.
Thank you.
Want me to give
you a ride back home?
I mean, sorry, to
your grandmother's?
The house is different.
I did some redecorating.
It's very cool.
Where'd you put his stuff?
Can I have this?
Yeah, sure.
I ride his bike.
I know.
Come on, it's time to go.
[baby crying]
Hey, it's okay.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
It's okay.
It's okay, Seth. It's okay.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Can I hold him?
I'll be careful, I promise.
Please?
Please?
All right, sit down.
Sit down first.
Be careful.
You have to hold his head.
- You got him?
- CALEB: Mm-hmm.
EDITH: Think he likes you.
Hey, little guy.
Your fingers look
like baby shrimp.
Definitely not kosher.
Hey, Mom?
I'm not doing good.
No, you're doing fine.
He's not fussing.
No, like, I'm... not
doing very good.
What do you mean?
What's wrong?
Okay, so... I got dumped,
and I've been working
really hard at school...
- I know.
- CALEB: And...
I did something stupid because
I've been sad.
He was a complete stranger,
and I kinda liked that.
Like, I kinda...
I liked that he didn't know me,
and I was really, really drunk.
And I guess the condom
was old or something.
[baby crying]
EDITH: Give him to me.
No, Mom.
Please.
You need to go.
You need to go now.
Mom, please,
don't make me leave.
[horn blaring]
[bells ringing]
CALEB: Fuck!
Fucking, fucking,
fucking, fucking, fuck!
[bridge creaking]
Are you okay?
Caleb?
Oh, god.
What happened?
Everyone leaves me.
- That's not true.
- CALEB: It is.
Dom, Estha, Dad, her.
Everyone.
I don't know what an Estha is,
but your dad did not
want to leave you, Caleb.
That's only
'cause he didn't know
this version of me, the one
with the fucked-up blood.
Oh, your father
would've gone to war for you.
He always knew
exactly what you were,
and he loved you for it.
Oh, I hate myself for not
reminding you of that
every single day,
and it's just so hard
for me to talk about him.
CALEB: Yeah, and I don't want
to make things harder for you.
I'm not gonna hold you back.
- You're not holding me back.
- I am.
From selling the
house, from moving.
Oh, listen, I don't wanna
sell this house because...
your father had his first
haircut in that bathroom.
He learned to play the
guitar in that chair.
And I just don't know
how to let him go.
It's got nothing to do with you.
You're gonna have
a wonderful life,
no matter what that test says,
and I can't wait to see it.
Yeah, how do you know?
I have lived through
two husbands, seven wars...
- and five revivals of "Oklahoma!"
- [laughs]
I've seen it all.
And, baby, you are
one in a billion.
You're my grandson.
You got my blood in you too,
and don't you ever forget it.
For that reason alone,
you will do great things.
You will find great love.
And if you're anything like me,
you'll find it more than once.
When?
I'm so tired of waiting.
VALERIE: I know, honey, but...
waiting doesn't
mean you shut down.
It doesn't mean you turn
yourself into the kind of person
that lets the world
decide who you are
and what you can do.
You fight for what you want.
You fight for what you deserve.
I mean, you wait,
but you wait with you
fucking fist in the air.
That's my boy.
MALE SINGER: Could've
broken me like glass
In an emergency
It's a giving in
Where do I
I'm not really
sure how I'm feeling,
and I think that's okay.
Um, at this point, I'm
just, like, ready to know
and move on with my life.
PEDRO: And I knew that I
was gonna be in love in him,
that I was gonna fall
in love with him.
It is a lot easier for
me to face my own fears
and face the uncertainty
of my own life
knowing that he's there.
So I love you.
Don't try to save me
One thing I am sure of
Is everything will change
Time moves us, you grow old
Days will get rearranged
Changing tides
Hey, sorry, um...
I know things are
kind of weird, but...
Can I see you?
One thing I am sure of
For you, I wait
[knocking on door]
DAD: Estha! You're going
to miss your flight. Let's go!
One thing I am sure of
For you, I wait
DARA: All we ever
talked about
was getting out
of this shithole!
Kinda surprised you
asked to meet me here.
Well, it's so much more
tolerable when nobody's around.
I got you something.
Is this quiche?
I hope so.
Is it good?
No!
Dara.
I'm really fucking sorry.
You're my best friend
and I fucked up.
I'm really sorry, too.
I quit right after it happened.
Good for you.
She had a loose pussy, anyway.
Thank you for that.
- I finally got a line cook job!
- That's amazing!
- At Applebee's.
- Less amazing.
- But you gotta start somewhere.
- I guess.
I leave for New York
in, like, like a week.
Have you packed already?
CALEB: Do I really need
to answer that question?
So I get my final
results tomorrow,
and I wanted to see if
you wanna come with?
Yeah, sure, um.
I'll roll some Js for the road.
I don't know how you always
know what to say. It's crazy.
You're not gonna
make me eat one.
Gross!
How did I create that?
[Dara laughing]
So, I scheduled a
walk-through at that condo
on Hollywood Beach, the Orion.
Now, before you
get all cute on me,
I have certain conditions.
- Naturally.
- I live above the 10th floor.
Mm-hmm.
I will have
an oceanfront view.
- DARA: Mm!
- Oh!
And I will not eat in that
deli more than once a week.
- Done.
- DARA: Do you think
the resident discount
is transferable?
Not transferable.
Orion! Wow.
How you feeling
about tomorrow?
Try not to think about it.
You're doing well
'cause you do a lot of things,
- but you don't think about it.
- [laughing]
- What? He's funny!
- Not that funny.
DARA: He's jealous,
'cause you're not funny.
[everyone laughing]
[David Bowie
singing "Five Years"]
Pushing through
the market square
So many mothers sighing
You said, just come over
We had five
years left crying
I heard telephones, opera
house, favorite melodies
I saw boys, toys,
electric irons and TVs
My brain hurt
like a warehouse
It had no room to spare
I had to cram so many things
to store everything in there
And all the fat,
skinny people
And all the tall,
short people
And all the nobody people
And all the somebody people
I never thought I'd
need so many people
I think I saw you in
an ice-cream parlor
Drinking milkshakes
cold and long
Smiling and waving
and looking so fine
Don't think you knew
you were in this song
And it was cold
and it rained
So I felt like an actor
And I thought of Ma, and I
wanted to get back there
Your face, your race
Cohn, Caleb?
The way that you talk
I kiss you, you're beautiful,
I want you to walk
We've got five years
Stuck on my eyes
Five years, what a surprise
We've got five years
My brain hurts a lot
Five years,
that's all we got
We've got five years
CALEB: Oh, um, I saw
a flier at the center
for a lesbian craft
night tonight. You wanna...
You wanna go?
Okay, but there
won't be boys there.
Yeah, from this
moment, truly a blessing.
Um, sure, yeah.
But only if you really feel up
to it. No pressure.
No, I know, we can finally
bag you a single lady.
I heard the craft night is
packed with eligible bottoms.
Aren't I a bottom?
You're a top.
Yeah.
Five years
What a surprise
We've got five years
Stuck on my eyes
We've got five years
My brain hurts a lot
Five years, that's
all we've got
Five years
Five years
Five years
Five years
Five years
MALE SINGER: Could've
broken me like glass
In an emergency
It's like giving in
Where do I begin
Bless the skies,
I don't know why
I hate Florida sometimes
Is it take and take
Is it my mistake
What I used to
know, I don't know
Just spin me,
I'll lose control
Well, it feels
like I'm on my own
Don't try to save me
One thing I am sure of
Is everything will change
Time moves us, you grow old
Days will get rearranged
Changing tides, I
feel it in my bones
And I don't ask why
and I just let them go
'Cause I know one
thing I am sure of
For you, I wait
You are sad, you
dig your heels
On who I am and
what is real
Only you and me
And all we're going to be
What I used to
know, I don't know
Just spin me,
I'll lose control
But it feels like
I'm on my own
Don't try to save me
One thing I am sure of
Is everything will change
MALE SINGER:
Accidental lover
What'd you do with
all my common sense
You came in undercover
When I didn't
even want a friend
I'm tired of living
like I'm dying
And now I can find a
silver lining like before
Yeah, like before
You got a funny
sense of timing
Showed up on the night
that I start trying
For something more
For something more
And I'm like, oh, sweet,
gotta think I'm in trouble
Kinda making me wonder
What it's like
on the other side
And I'm like, baby, you're
kinda driving me crazy
I'm not one to need saving
But I guess I'll
give it a try
FEMALE SINGER: Oh my oh my
Down, down, lover
What I tell you
is in confidence
Laying here together
makes me want to take
A second chance
[horn blaring]
[ringing continues]
Come on! That boat's, like,
a light year away!
[boat horn blaring]
At some point, I'm gonna start
taking this personally!
You can't just ignore me,
Raymond! I'm not your wife!
Asshole.
[Little Richard singing
"Get Down With It"]
Well, all right
Well, all right, everybody
[bicycle bell ringing]
[people cheering]
Let your hair down
Aren't you supposed
to get somebody
to ride that with you?
If you got on a wig like
some people think I got on
And this is my own
beautiful hair,
What to do with it, fellas
CROWD: Take it off!
I said and get
down on with it
Do the jazz
Come on, baby
Wanna watch everybody work
Oh, yeah
Come on, baby, yeah
Wanna see everybody
do the jerk
Oh, come on, baby
It's been a long, long time
I said come on, baby
Wanna watch everybody
move around, yeah, yeah
I said, come on, baby
I'm gonna watch
everybody move around
Want everybody in the house
to raise both your hands
Everybody raise
both your hands
I said stomp your
feet, everybody
Stomp your feet
Now let's get with
my little beat
Everybody stomp
your feet, oh
Now get this
Little Richard's beat
Oh, one more time
I'm singin' one more time
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, woo
My, my, my, my, hey, yeah
Singin' one more time
I'm dancin' one more time
Oh, yes, all right
I'm singin' it's all right
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
My, my, my, my, hey
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
My, my, my, my, my
Oh, it's all right
I'm singin' it's all right
Woo
Yeah, yeah, yeah
My, my, my, my
[crowd applause]
BOY: Just these.
Oh!
These too.
Those don't always
work, you know.
Okay.
GIRL: Oh, babe, but
I like bubble gum.
"But I like bubble gum."
The condoms.
Talking about the condoms.
First, you two get handsy in
the back of his mom's Jetta.
You say some cheesy line
about how hot she is.
She massages her nipples.
And then after warming
up his stick shift with
the Cabbage Patch lip gloss,
you would gently
slip on a Trojan,
the mightiest of
soldiers, and you think,
"Great, now I'm not
gonna get pregnant."
But you're wrong,
Hannah Montana.
Maybe there's no baby, but
sure enough, the condom rips,
and you get chlamydia...
God's punishment for
the sexually-active.
You gotta get a shot from
your judgmental pediatrician
who still wears
Mickey Mouse ties.
You better hope
that's all you get,
because, worse-case scenario,
you're pregnant and dead,
all because he stuck his
dick in some SAT tutor
before he shoved it in you.
[gasps]
That's gonna be $7.50.
You look like shit.
Say that about
my grandson again,
and you'll pay for it later.
Oh, yeah? Well, you look
like shit. Come here.
I am begging
you guys to stop.
Oh!
Also, Janine is relentless.
Put that damn
duck in the drawer
with the rest of 'em, will you?
Okay?
CALEB: Yeah.
Your graduation is tomorrow.
- Oh my god, it is?
- VALERIE: Yeah,
and I think that it'd be
very nice if you went.
Yeah, but then I'd miss
the "Golden Girls" marathon.
Has it ever occurred to you
that we might want to go
and celebrate your
accomplishments,
however mediocre they might be?
No one's stopping you, Benny.
Enjoy it.
And try
and get some sleep!
You really do look like shit.
Thank you.
[quiet sobbing]
- WOMAN: Caleb Cohn?
- Yeah.
[door creaking]
DR. DIAZ: Good morning.
Nice to meet you, Mr. Cohn.
I'm Dr. Diaz.
So, what are we doing today?
Uh, an STD check?
Yeah, that's
kind of why I'm here.
I just wanna, like,
test the shit out of me
so all this can be over.
The condom broke.
Yeah, apparently it was expired
like a fucking avocado.
- When did that happen?
- Last Thursday night.
I went to this new biker
bar called The Ram Rod.
Met this Slavic guy
who knew every single Best
Actress winner since 1962,
so I had sex with him.
Okay. [chuckling]
He sent me a
message last night.
"Ahoj, Caleb.
"I tested HIV-positive Monday.
"Swear I not know.
"I'm sure you make joke on
this I no understand, bye.
Zander."
Well, you've come
to the right place.
We'll test you for all STDs and
have your HIV baseline today.
Then you can make
appointments to the front desk
to come back for
your HIV re-checks.
No, no need to re-check.
I am officially
celibate until death.
Right.
Look, today's test
won't determine whether
you contracted the virus
from this exposure.
The test looks for
HIV antibodies,
and they take time to develop.
In the meantime,
I run a support
group twice a week.
We'd be happy to have you.
Yeah, but, like, I
don't even know if I have it.
Well, it's not only
for people who are positive.
This is sort of a any queer
person who wants to talk
and eat free cookies
kind of group,
so it's for people in
your position, too.
Okay, and, um,
typically how long
does somebody in my
position have to wait
to know if they
have it for sure?
[Le Tigre singing
"Deceptacon"]
Who took the bomp
Every day and night
Every day and night
Wanna disco,
wanna see me disco
One, two, three, four
You got you been asking for
You're so policy-free
and your fantasy wheels
And everything you feel
is alright
Alright,
alright, alright
Who took the bomp from
the bompalompalomp
Who too the ram from
the ramalamdingdong
DARA: 'Bout time, bitch.
I'm sorry.
What'd I miss?
Fuck if I know.
Fell asleep when Chloe
dedicated her diploma
to Jesus and Jeb Bush.
Gross.
- MAN: Kristy Quinlon.
- [crowd applauding]
CALEB: Did they
make it to the Vs?
Who cares if Dom
has walked yet? It's over.
All I ever wanted was
a boy to dry hump me
in the back of his dad's Prius,
and now that dream is dead.
- You're so dramatic.
- I'm in mourning.
You're always
mourning something.
First of all, rude.
Second of all, it's different.
It's Dom.
MAN: Sarah Stein.
DARA: Made these for you.
Oh, so Suzanne
didn't want them?
I don't know why she
keeps rejecting my quiche.
You know, it could be
because she's our boss?
Didn't stop her from
eating it last summer.
[laughing]
Look, I know this is hard,
but you gotta look
at the upside.
Now you get to sit on a
new face, a better face.
MAN: Andy Terasaki.
- Maybe I already did.
- Of course you already did!
Who's the guy?
His name was Zander.
He didn't speak a
word of English,
he was part Slav,
part, like, horse.
Was?
Yeah, he to fly back to
Belgrade a couple days ago.
He sent me a message.
MAN: Dom Valdez.
[camera shutter clicking]
[camera shutter clicking]
MAN: Sarah Valdez.
Caleb.
You're gonna be okay.
Am I?
People live with
this shit forever now.
Kinda feel like I live
with enough shit already.
Did you tell your grandma?
Why scare a woman who's
already lost her only son
when I can just, like, quietly
die alone on the inside?
MAN: And now once again, class
valedictorian Chloe Smith.
CHLOE: Congrats,
class of 2011.
We did it!
[bell ringing]
Hey.
So I spent the last couple of
days looking at... AIDS stuff.
Jesus, fuck, Dara!
Did your doctor
tell you about PEP?
He did not.
Well, it's this thing
that you take right after
you've been exposed, and it
can help get rid of AIDS.
Okay, but this says
you can only take it
up to three days
after having sex.
- It's been, like, a week.
- Isn't it work asking about?
[phone ringing]
MAN: Pride Center.
Yeah, hi, I'm
looking for Dr. Diaz.
MAN: Oh, he's not
available right now.
Please, it's a super-quick
life-or-death question.
MAN: If this is a medical
emergency,
please hang up and dial 911.
I can't, they
hate me over there.
MAN: He's upstairs
at his group meeting
- if you want to come by.
- [phone beeps]
- I gotta leave early.
- Okay.
- [bell ringing]
- Uhhh, ah.
Sorry I'm late.
I got stuck
with the principal!
Riley won't stop drawing
boobs on his homework.
He's obsessed.
I don't know where
he gets this from.
[scoffs]
Caleb, can you help me
replace the slushee machine?
It's so heavy.
I can do it.
I've been lifting.
[chuckling] Okay.
Go! Go, you have to!
[indistinct chatter]
- CALEB: Hi.
- You came.
What is PEP?
And how can I get on
it, like, right now?
Why don't we grab a coffee?
It's only effective within
three days of exposure.
And why did you not
tell me about that before?
Because I didn't want to
tell you about something
you couldn't use.
- It's been, like, a week.
- Caleb.
Maybe it'll still work.
Can we just, like...
Can we just, like, try, please?
Listen, I want you to
stay for group tonight.
You haven't lived
until you've tried
one of Lisha's donuts,
so do yourself a favor.
Oh, and we go to karaoke after.
All right, guys,
let's bring it in.
Welcome to "The Young
and The Sexless."
Jim, you're up.
JIM: [laughing]
Hi, I'm Jim, and I'm
married to Dr. Oz.
Well, I've been positive...
[muffled voice]
I saw that.
Would you like a prize?
Not if it's one
of those donuts.
JIM: ...their lives and their
sex lives
aren't over after diagnosis.
Anywho,
once we found out,
we did all the right things
to ensure that
Adrian was protected.
Undetectable means
untransmittable.
Both, uh, true fact
and the title of
my upcoming memoir.
[laughing]
How about you?
You care to share?
Okay, um, well, I'm Caleb.
I, um... I'm here
because a condom broke.
The guy had HIV, and now
I'm waiting to find out
if I do, too. Oldest story in...
[bag popping]
CALEB: ...book or something.
Uh, I'm supposed to
go to Parsons,
but their tuition
costs as much as
a small chain of
islands, so, we'll see.
Oh, and I work at the
mini-mart on 72nd,
so, slushee
discounts all around.
That's great.
Thank you, Caleb.
And Estha?
Hi. Um, my name's Estha,
and, uh, I'm also waiting.
All through the night
Stray cat is crying
So stray cat sings back
All through the night
They have forgotten
what by day they lack
Under those white
street lamps
There is a little chance
Hey, it's Estha, right?
I brought you a karaoke book.
I don't know if you
already have one,
but I thought you might need
one if you wanted to sing?
I don't do
karaoke, I'm tone-deaf.
If only that stopped
everyone, right?
And once we start,
the meter clicks
And it goes running
Maybe you should
sing something.
Oh, no, no.
No, the last time I did karaoke,
I totally butchered my
favorite Bowie song,
and I still feel the shame.
Who's that?
Bowie.
Like, David Bowie.
Like, Ziggy Stardust.
Kinda looks like a man,
kinda looks like an alien,
kinda looks like something
you'd want to avoid
in a dark basement.
Nope.
Do you live under
a rock or something?
No, I'm from India.
Plenty of rocks in India.
Sorry?
Okay, well, what
would you sing
if you had to sing something?
Out of American music?
Sure.
Probably Taylor Swift.
[chuckling]
Oh my god, you're serious.
What? Sometimes I feel like
she steals my journal
and writes about my life.
Is her next crossover
hit gonna be called,
"This Is What I Get
For Riding Bareback?"
Let's hope not.
[laughing]
JIM: Until it ends
There is no end
CALEB: It was
cool to meet you.
ESTHA: It's good
to meet you too.
Did you, um... did
you drive here?
No, I, uh, took the bus.
I have to, uh, ask my
parents' permission
to use their car
specifically for my friends.
Yeah, yeah, I haven't
told my grandma either.
It's just easier since
they don't know about
the whole gay thing.
Do you want a ride?
I have a tandem bike.
That means two people can...
I know what a tandem bike is.
You didn't know Bowie, so,
like, I didn't want to assume.
I, uh... I live a
couple miles away.
That's okay.
Uh, you can help me pedal.
Okay.
Cool. Um, I parked
in this creepy side alley.
Don't worry,
I'm not gonna murder you.
You say very strange things.
I get that a lot.
How's it going back there?
I'm afraid you're gonna crash.
It's my dad's bike.
I can ride with my eyes closed.
Yeah, I really
rather you didn't.
Noted.
So when did you start
going to those meetings?
About three weeks ago.
It's nice to talk
to people, so...
Watch out for the pothole.
Sure.
Well, how'd you get into this
mess in the first place?
Last year my parents
started introducing me
to their friends' daughters,
and every time I say no,
there'd be another one waiting.
Assembly line dating?
Yeah, my mom did the
exact same thing.
Is she conservative?
Oh, she's Jewish.
Orthodox Jewish.
Yeah, mentally and emotionally,
she's stuck in a shtetl in 1805.
ESTHA: You can stop here.
[bike brakes creaking]
So this is you, huh?
It's cool. You got a great lawn.
Says a lot about a person.
Hmm, look at those
really nice bushes.
Perfectly trimmed, A-plus.
Actually, I live
down the street,
but I'll just walk.
Do I give off, like,
a serial killer
vibe or something?
No, but my dad stays up late,
and I didn't want him seeing
a white boy drop me off
on a gay two-man bike.
Might raise some questions.
Got it.
You seem nervous.
No, I get, uh,
a little too talkative
around guys sometimes.
It's, like, I ask
a lot of questions.
It's the thing that I do
that I might be working on.
I meant about
what's happening.
The waiting.
Um, yeah.
Yeah, sleeping's hard.
That was very embarrassing,
by the way, when I implied that
I get nervous around
you for being a guy.
If you can't sleep,
you can call me.
Sometimes I can't sleep either,
and, uh, don't really have
anybody to talk to.
Are you writing your
number on a Subway coupon?
You can type it in my phone.
Are you going to
the next meeting?
Shh.
[whispers]
Should I take that as a yes?
[bell ringing]
WOMAN: This is
the true story...
MAN: True story...
WOMAN: Of seven strangers...
[man laughing]
MAN: Picked to
live in a house...
WOMAN: And have
their lives taped...
MAN: Oh, Lucy, I'm home.
MAN: To find
out what happens...
MAN: When people
stop being polite...
MAN: And start getting real.
MAN: "The Real World:
San Francisco."
PEDRO: I used to
go around to schools
and I speak about HIV and AIDS.
I'm HIV-positive.
CORY: When Pedro told
me he was HIV-positive,
it was just, like,
"No, not him."
I like this guy,
and I don't want him
to have to suffer.
[phone chiming]
CORY: I had an incredible time
talking to him on the train.
PEDRO: Have you, uh,
been in a relationship?
CORY: The longest relationship
I ever had is a year and a half.
CORY: And, I don't know.
I don't think I've ever...
I don't really think
I've ever been in love.
PEDRO: I get very
twisted, and, uh...
CORY: What did you do
down there?
What did you do for a living?
PEDRO: ...I'm still pretty
uncertain about, you know,
meeting five people,
and I don't know how they
going to feel about me
being HIV-positive.
[phone ringing]
PHONE: Look at
your phone, bitch!
[phone ringing]
PHONE: Look at
your phone, bitch!
[phone ringing]
PHONE: Look at
your phone, bitch!
[phone chiming]
MAN: Hey, it's the Pride
Center calling for Caleb Cohn.
Dr. Diaz would like you to
stop by the clinic today.
Okay, thanks.
VALERIE: Caleb,
Dara's waiting for you!
Oh, the Orion Condominium.
Hmm, it's got a kosher
deli in the lobby.
Mm-hmm.
BENNY: But 25% off on
Thursdays for the residents.
And you want me to turn
in my home for a coupon?
I would. Their noodle kugel
is next level.
The food here is good, too.
BENNY: See? There he is!
Hey, tell me something.
Which one would you choose
for your grandmother
to live in with me?
- Um...
- Don't distract him.
He's got enough on his mind
without worrying about
what nursing home
we should die in.
Well, technically,
it's not a nursing home.
It's a luxury condominium.
I promise I'll stop talking now.
Okay, as
lovely as this has been,
um, we should go.
You should have some
coffee before you leave
because you look exhausted.
These compliments so early.
Thank you.
Thanks for the fish!
Does he seem different to you?
When does he not
seem different?
- We're gonna be late for work.
- Oh, I'm not going to work.
- What?
- Yeah.
I am truly devastated to report
that I have to go
back to the clinic.
Again? Why?
I don't know, so, naturally,
I'm assuming the worst.
All right, well,
I guess I'll do
inventory by myself then.
CALEB: You're the messiah!
Owe you forever, love you, bye!
[knocking on door]
Am I gonna die?
Do you have any
plans to kill yourself?
Not at the moment.
DR. DIAZ: Then
you're not gonna die.
I will not let the anal
gonorrhea take you down.
The fuck? Is that worse
than normal gonorrhea?
No, it's
just on the anus.
- You mean my butt?
- I'm a doctor, I mean anus.
Okay, but I don't
have any symptoms.
Any soreness?
I guess, but
I just thought was from,
like, getting railed.
We'll take care of
the infection today.
But you should know that
the presence of gonorrhea
can help the contraction of HIV.
Are you allergic to any
medications, like penicillin?
I don't think so.
DR. DIAZ: All right.
Now, hop off the
table and bend over.
Story of my life.
So this should take care of it?
Yep, penicillin is great.
Alexander Fleming
discovered it in the '20s.
Good for her.
DR. DIAZ: He left his lab
a mess over the weekend.
When he got back, a weird fungus
had grown in a petri dish.
From that fungus,
we have penicillin.
Sounds disgusting.
Yeah,
but it's amazing
what you can discover
after life gets fucked up.
[bell ringing]
Dara?
Are you out back?
You will not believe
the size of the...
[Suzanne screaming]
- [Dara screaming]
- [screaming]
- SUZANNE: Pull up your pants!
- DARA: I'm trying!
- SUZANNE: Try harder!
- DARA: I'm trying harder!
Stop yelling at me!
Hi. Do you wanna know the
craziest thing about doors?
You can lock them.
Fuck, man, she's so mad.
If anyone asks, you
didn't see anything.
I am literally trying to unsee
that as we speak.
I thought she didn't
want to eat your quiche.
Oh, remember when
I covered for you?
We got to talking,
and things started to happen,
and it was like...
It is bad enough that I'm
responsible for my own mistakes.
Do not make me responsible
for yours, too.
Caleb?
Uh...
You're not gonna say anything.
You saw nothing.
No, promise me.
Caleb, say it!
Say it!
Promise me!
You rang?
Sit.
Um, look, I'm having
such a shitty week, okay?
Henry still hasn't found a job,
I'm doing double duty with
the fucking kids at home.
My dog got scabies
again at the dog park.
My mother-in-law is visiting.
I...
I'm really not happy.
You looked pretty happy
a couple minutes ago.
- You know what?
- What?
- I don't like your tone.
- CALEB: Mm-hmm.
And I really don't like seeing
security camera footage of you
fucking around
and leaving early.
I'm trying to run a business...
a profitable,
respectable business!
You're right,
this is a mini-mart.
It's very serious. We sell,
what, 10 types of Funyuns
and, like, a pickle in a sack?
You know what,
don't fucking test me!
I could fire you!
Okay, Suzanne,
I can't lose this job.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
I need the minimum
wage that you pay me.
Really?
Yeah, so, it won't
happen again, I swear.
I'm sorry?
It won't
happen again, I swear.
Fine.
Cool.
Can we also just agree that
what happens in
here stays in here?
Do you mean what happened here
and, like, here,
and, like, here?
Yeah, all of
it, and over there, right.
Mm-hmm, yeah, no.
Secret's safe with me.
- You promise?
- Sure.
- Can I leave now?
- Please.
Thanks.
Oh.
You could be a little
nicer to her, you know?
So could you.
You're
off by two cents.
DARA: Go.
Just go.
- Well?
- I can't believe you like her.
She's, like, at least
five kinds of evil?
Does she hate me?
Hating you is
statistically possible,
and I have the math to prove it.
Yeah, you failed math. Twice.
This is a different
type of math.
This is gay math.
Oh, some kid came
in looking for you?
He bought kettle corn.
I think he's still outside.
Are you hooking up with him?
Gonna be right back.
[bell ringing]
You do know that popcorn isn't
the only food group, right?
Jim's having a
cabaret show tomorrow.
Do you wanna go?
It depends.
Are you asking me out?
Depends what you'd say.
- Maybe?
- Then maybe.
I don't get off until eight.
ESTHA: Show starts at nine.
- So just pick you up from here?
- I'll meet you there.
Okay, cool.
Is she your friend?
Yeah, she's kind
of my only one.
I figured.
How?
You both say very
strange things.
MALE SINGER:
Going toe to toe
Under the neon lights
We're gonna...
Do you feel like
closing early tonight?
[rock music plays
from headphones]
Dara!
Dara!
[rock music playing]
Teach me the lies,
teach me to win
Whoa!
Wow, a vicious read.
Make it up to me
with a close party.
I'm not feeling
so hot right now.
That sounds like
a perfect excuse
to shut this place down
and get absolutely blasted.
There's only 15 minutes left.
We should at least wait.
You're right, we should.
[Scissor Sisters
singing "Any Which Way"]
[both imitating
water gurgling]
I don't need a doctor
Just a simple look or garter
To slide to my
side so civilly
No talk of commitment
When I receive a shipment
Oh, I need express delivery
Any which way, any which way
You better take me
any which way you can
Any which way,
any which way
You better take me
any which way you can
- [Caleb groaning]
- [Dara laughing]
You know, baby
When I was taking my pantyhose
out of their egg this evening
I thought, I'm gonna
find that man that has
The right shade
of bottled tan
A man that smells like
cocoa butter and cash
Take me anyway you like it
In front of the fireplace
In front of your yacht
In front of my parents
I don't give a damn,
baby, just take me
Any which way, any which way
Any which way you can
Any which way, any which way
Any which way you can
Any which way, any which way
Any which way you can
Any which way,
any which way you can
[vomiting]
[Caleb belching]
[Dara mumbling]
What's wrong?
Are you gonna vomit too?
Mm-mm.
- Okay.
- Maybe.
You think we'll ever find
other people to do this with?
Why do we need other people?
No, like...
like a boyfriend or a girlfriend
or maybe somebody in-between.
Like, somebody who
wants to do dumb shit
who also wants to make out.
- Oh.
- Mm.
Yeah.
For sure.
What if that's
harder for me now?
It won't be.
Yeah, but what if it is?
No.
It won't be.
And until then,
you got me, bitch.
PEDRO: Everything about
my life is uncertain.
I'm totally stressed out
because of my health,
and I'm totally stressed
out because of work,
and I don't know
what I want to do.
Just call me and tell me.
That's the only thing
I've ever asked for.
Hey, Caleb?
Can I run something by you?
Totally.
VALERIE: Okay,
how's this sound?
"When I first started teaching
here back in the late 1800s"...
Pause for laughs.
"The only gender studies
course was worth half a credit
and met in what is now
the woman's bathroom."
Okay, Joan Rivers,
is this a guest lecture
or an HBO special?
Grandma?
You good?
Yeah, yeah, less
Joan Rivers, got it.
Thanks a lot, honey.
[phone buzzing]
PHONE: Look at
your phone, bitch!
JIM: And when a hot redhead
walks down the street,
do you also imagine
God knocking over
a bottle of Sriracha?
[audience laughing]
JIM: Well, I think
it's time for a song.
This is a special request
from an audience member
in the third row.
Everyone wave hi to Estha!
[audience applauding]
Ground control
to Major Tom
Ground control to Major Tom
Take your protein pills
and put your helmet on
Can you earn a living
from taking photographs?
Isn't very practical.
Practicality is very 2010.
I was gonna go to
college in New York,
take a bunch of photos,
overdose on ramen.
How about you?
Where you going next year?
Georgia Tech.
Atlanta.
Fancy.
You're excited?
It's hard to think of
anything past this summer.
Do you ever, like,
wonder what you would do
- if the test came back...
- No.
I try not to.
Yeah, uh, me either.
I mean, I know you're
supposed to be fine
if you take all the
shit you're supposed to.
At this point, you'd have worse
luck with cancer, but, like...
Still kinda wish it
was something else.
Like, anything else.
You'd rather have cancer?
I don't know
about that, but, um...
Yeah, I just... at least then
I wouldn't feel like it was...
ESTHA: Your fault.
Anyways, are you, um...
are you gonna go to sleep
- when you get home, or...
- Am I going home?
Are we gonna get in trouble?
It's always a possibility.
Is this your temple?
CALEB: Yeah, it used to be.
What happened?
Um, the artist formerly known
as my mother married the rabbi,
and they're assholes,
so I stopped going.
You really shouldn't
talk about her like that.
She's still your mom.
CALEB: Yeah, but, like,
moms aren't supposed to forget
to pick you up
from band practice right after
your dad died
'cause she's too busy
trying to find a new husband.
Moms aren't supposed
to make you move in
with your grandma because
your big old gay lifestyle
doesn't sit too well
with the rabbi's mezuzah.
Moms aren't supposed
to treat you
like a total and
complete stranger.
What's a mezuzah?
It's like this thing
you nail to your house.
It's got the Bible in it.
Come on, this jungle gym
is gonna blow your mind.
I lost two teeth falling
off of this jungle gym.
Tooth fairy was supposed
to give me 20 bucks.
Instead, I got two carrots
and a pack of Chiclets.
- That's upsetting?
- No, it was pretty funny.
My dad did dumb shit
like that all the time.
Um, I had my first
kiss under this bridge
with Jordan Stein.
Jordan smelled like applesauce.
Needless to say, I was smitten.
- What happened to him?
- Jordan was a girl.
I meant your dad.
Oh.
Um, he had a heart attack.
I once peed down this slide.
Okay, I'm lying.
I peed down this slide a lot.
That must've been hard.
No, I've got awesome pee aim.
I was talking about your dad.
I know.
- When did he, uh...
- [thunder booming]
We should take cover.
I think it's gonna rain.
[rain piddling]
I think I'm sitting
on a spider.
It's a playground
rite of passage.
I think you're gonna be fine.
I can't believe
this is outside the place
where you pray.
Yep, there's a
sanctuary in there.
It's also a catering
hall and a preschool.
We're nothing if not
an economical people.
Do you like being Jewish?
It's a loaded question.
Um, leaning toward yes.
There's, like, six
types of Jewish people,
and I wanna say two
are pretty fierce.
Do you like being Hindu?
Who said I was Hindu?
Oh my god, I'm so sorry...
I'm just kidding.
I'm Hindu.
[chuckles]
I, uh...
It's getting late.
- BENNY: Where you going?
- Work.
Where you really going?
I'm gonna go do some
drugs, graffiti buildings,
- TP the principal's house.
- Caleb.
Benny, could we
not do this now, please?
"The Young and The Sexless?"
- Where did you find that?
- On the floor.
I'm doing a photo project.
Gay men in crisis, the pos
community, homeless youth,
those who can't dress
for their body type.
- You're lying.
- I'm not lying.
Are you gonna tell her?
Or am I?
You know, this is actually
none of your business.
Excuse me?
We both know
that you only pretend
to give a shit about me
because you have to... for her.
Do you know me?
Have we met?
Now I've spent the last
15 years of my life
taking you out for
sleepovers and band practice
and off the floor
because your daddy died.
I could be buying pina coladas
and the daiquiris,
some loose poker, but I
decided to spend it on you,
because we do belong together.
If you don't tell her, I will,
because you're just a kid.
You shouldn't do this alone.
DR. DIAZ: Caleb?
What's new with you?
Oh, I've been amazing.
Things have been
looking up for me.
Um, my job is awesome.
I had a conversation
with my boss.
We're gonna take things to the
next level professionally.
I'm very excited about that.
Kinda Zen about the whole thing.
I think it's this new
sleep regiment I'm on.
Also, I've been riding
my bike everywhere,
so I'm like... like
saving the planet
and engaging my core
at the same time.
DR. DIAZ: That's great, Caleb.
[repeated thunking]
[door creaking]
- Did you just get here?
- Unfortunately.
Dude, I called you,
like, twice this morning.
Yeah, I woke up late.
Suzanne here?
No, she's with that penis.
CALEB: Thank God.
How are you?
Alive.
I get test results tomorrow.
Alright?
Wanna hang?
Help take your mind off of it?
I'm supposed to work,
but it's not like
anyone needs me here.
I'm good, don't worry.
I'm not worried,
I just thought you
might want some company.
I have plans.
With who?
A friend.
What friend?
Wow, this place is
definitely a... choice.
Where is everybody?
We close down
Monday for cleaning.
We?
You're not the
only one with a job.
Everything you see can be
yours for the next 42 minutes.
You're full of surprises.
I thought a little escape
might help you calm down.
Unless the rides
are made of Xanax,
- I don't think that's possible.
- Can you just relax?
For me?
[metal clanging]
Welcome to the popcorn stand.
Would you like it
sweet or salty?
Every single question
I've ever had about you
has just been answered.
They say if
you do what you love,
you never work a
day in your life.
Okay, but
I'm almost positive
they didn't mean popping corn.
That's where you're wrong.
It's the best.
Back home, we used to go to
the American movie
theater on Sundays.
I'd be excited to go all week.
They played the classics like
"Breakfast at Tiffany's"
or "A Star is Born" or...
- Oh, which version?
- There's more than one?
Okay, I'm gonna
pretend you're joking.
It didn't matter what
the movie was anyway.
It just would take
me out of my head.
Anytime I felt depressed,
I'd, uh, go back into my pockets
and take the leftover
popcorn and eat it,
and I was back watching
Holly Golightly and her cat.
Now you can get out of
your head whenever you want,
so maybe try eating a vegetable.
I still like eating it.
It helps me not be...
Sad?
Present.
What next?
[Vampire Weekend
singing "White Sky"]
Go!
An ancient business, a
modern piece of glasswork
Down on the corner
That you walk each
day in passing
The whole immortal
corporation's
Given its permission
Tom?
Can you operate the
drop for me and my...
me and my cousin?
A little stairway, a
little piece of carpet
A pair of mirrors that
are facing one another
Out in both directions,
a thousand little Julias
That come together in
the middle of Manhattan
You waited since lunch
It all comes at once
Oh, oh, ooh ooh ooh
Oh, oh, ooh
Where are you going?
TOM: It's stuck!
Gotta call maintenance.
[birds cawing]
Are you all right?
Yeah.
[roller coaster creaking]
Dara?
Caleb tells me
you're a great cook.
What do you like to make?
Food.
[whispers] I make food.
- [door opening]
- Thank God.
- Happy to see me?
- What's the verdict?
DR. DIAZ: Your 30-day antibody
test came back negative.
So far, so good, right?
DR. DIAZ: So far.
I will see you back here
on day 60 and day 90.
Thanks for coming
with me today.
- Duh.
- Sure.
Oh, shit, I never thought
I'd need a third seat.
Let's take the bus.
The bus is cool.
No, it's chill. Um, I told
Suzanne I'd help her out
at the store in an hour.
Ew. You don't work today.
I don't know. She asked
if I wanted overtime, so...
Okay, don't do
anything I wouldn't do,
so don't do anything.
Hey.
Look, Benny, I know
I've been a dick lately,
and I just wanted to
say I'm really sorry.
It's, like, a lot for
me, and I don't know how
I'm gonna tell her, but...
VALERIE: Tell her what?
Well, somebody
better say something.
Somebody, anybody,
before I burn this
house to the ground.
What?
What's going on?
Okay, okay, um...
Lately, I've been going
through this thing.
I met a guy after Don
dumped me and we, you know,
and the condom ripped and
it turns out he has HIV.
But I don't know if I have it.
I don't think I have it.
I might not have it, you know,
and I have to wait until
the end of summer
to find out if I do.
And that's why I've been
kind of a bitch lately.
Can you please say something?
Why didn't you tell me sooner?
I didn't want to freak
you out after everything.
Benny tried to get me
to tell you, but, like,
I couldn't.
You could never
freak me out, Caleb,
although you sure
keep trying to.
Well, it's
just, like, I mean,
telling you just makes
the whole thing feel real,
and I was just totally
hoping it would be imaginary.
The only thing that's
real is this right here,
you and me, no?
Now give me a hug.
Okay, I can't breathe.
Grandma?
VALERIE: If you ever hide
anything like this
from me again,
you won't have to worry
about getting sick
because I will throttle
you with my bare hands,
you understand what
I'm saying to you?
Yes.
VALERIE: Good.
[phone ringing]
[phone buzzing]
[Kidz Bop Kids singing
"DJ Got Us Falling In Love"]
Kidz Bop
Yeah, man
So we back in the club
Hey. Everything okay?
Yes. Why are we whispering?
I'm at home.
Oh, okay, cool.
ESTHA: What's up?
Um...
I told her.
Told her what?
My grandma. About everything.
How did it go?
Yeah, I mean,
considering I felt that
the news might kill
her, it was pretty okay.
- You're lucky.
- Am I on speaker?
I can't hear you
over the Kidz Bop.
I said,
okay, that's great.
I, uh... I can't talk now.
I'll see you tonight.
Did you not
want to tell me because
you knew it'd be even harder
for me to sell this place?
I know you're
upset about Caleb.
No, no, I'm not
upset about Caleb!
I'm furious with you,
asshole, for lying to me!
Caleb is fine. He's just...
He's going to be fine.
He's gonna be fine.
He's gonna be fine. He's...
He's gonna be fine.
[sobbing]
DR. DIAZ: Caleb? You with us?
Feels like all
I do is worry her.
After my dad died,
she convinced herself that
she's responsible for me,
and she feels guilty
that I ended up here,
which makes me feel even
guiltier than I already did.
Being Jewish is really
hard, basically.
You did the right thing.
It's good to have someone
to talk to at home.
And, Estha?
How are things going with you?
Um, they've been better.
I, um...
I, um, find out soon,
and every hour feels like a day.
I...
I still don't know what
my dad will do if, uh...
I'm everything to them, the...
perfect son, the one they to
talk to their friends about,
the salutatorian,
the one that they scram out
to lunch every single Sunday.
They love the son
I let them see.
But then there's this
other part of me, right...
the part I keep hidden...
and I keep trying so hard
to be perfect because
I think they'd hate
that other part of me.
But if I do end up having this,
I know I'll have to tell them.
I just don't wanna
be here anymore.
I, uh... I'll go back.
I'd even go forward. It's here.
Here is where I'm having an
issue, where I can't even
watch the TV with my parents
without them thinking that
they know it's there, that
they can smell it on me.
DR. DIAZ: Smell what on you?
Shame.
[phone ringing]
PHONE: Look at
your phone, bitch!
[phone ringing]
Hi.
Happy Fourth, fool.
Are we gonna stoned
and watch "Spiders From Mars"
like last year? I can score some
environmentally-friendly
fireworks.
No, I can't, I'm sorry.
There's something I have to do.
- DARA: You with that kid again?
- His name is Estha.
All right, whatever.
I gotta tell you something
about Suzanne later, though.
CALEB: Why? What happened?
She said she loved me.
That she fucking loved me.
SUZANNE: Sorry, somebody's
gotta make a living
in this family right now!
Yeah, that's why she
asked me to work overtime.
After we hooked up,
she couldn't stop thinking
about me. How sick is that?
CALEB: Dara, I really
gotta go, I'm sorry.
- I'll call you back later.
- Well...
Are you ready to go?
Where?
So these are the fireworks?
Hey, it's the best I could do.
Ooh!
Big, scary, ooh!
FEMALE SINGER:
Accidental lover
What'd you do with
all my common sense
You came in undercover
When I didn't
even want a friend
I'm tired of looking
like I'm dying
I know I can find
the silver lining
Like before
Like before
And you got a funny
sense of timing
Showed up on the night
that I stopped trying
Something more
You're something more
And I'm like, oh, sweet,
gotta think I'm in trouble
Kinda make you wonder
What it's like
on the other side
And I'm like, baby
Kinda drive me crazy
I'm not one to save you
But I guess I
will really try
Oh my, oh my
ESTHA: Thanks
for kidnapping me.
I'm a surprisingly
good kidnapper.
Feel like I should be
more alarmed by that.
ESTHA: I live so close to
the beach, but I never come.
CALEB: Hm, congrats.
You're officially
a true Floridian.
Come on, being from
Florida isn't that bad.
It's gonna be okay, you know.
You know it's not.
You know everything could
change after tomorrow.
Do you know who
Pedro Zamora is?
I don't know any of the
people you talk about.
Right.
Well, basically, there was,
um, this TV show in the '90s
called "The Real
World: San Francisco."
Seven complete strangers
move into a
poorly-decorated brownstone
and annoy the shit
out of each other.
Pedro is one of those people.
He was from here, actually.
He also was openly pos,
which was, like,
brutal at the time.
And no matter how much his
dumb roommate talked shit,
he still managed to be
the smartest, funniest,
finest motherfucker in the room.
Did he make it?
No.
But we will.
I don't want to live
with something that makes
everyone in my life leave me.
I won't leave you.
Isn't your grandma
gonna hear us?
What, no, she
can't hear anything.
Um, we can be quiet,
though, just in case.
[The Drums singing
"Down By The Water"]
Everybody's gotta
love someone
Should I?
If you feel like
if you want to.
- Caleb, this is bad.
- What?
This is fucking awesome.
Yeah, I know, but,
we can't have sex.
[sighs]
Define sex.
We'll still be together
I know it's hard
I know it's hard
But I understand you...
- What are you doing?
- CALEB: Relax.
If you fall asleep
down by the water
Baby, I'll carry...
- Oh, salty.
- [Caleb chuckling]
If you fall asleep
down by the water
Baby, I'll carry
you all the way home
Those are gonna be a
bitch to clean tomorrow.
Caleb.
What are gonna do about this?
What?
This.
Um...
[moaning]
ESTHA: I feel like
he's watching us.
He is.
But it's nothing he
hasn't seen before.
Your parents gonna
wonder where you are?
I don't care anymore.
I'll come with you
tomorrow if you want.
I'm pretty good company.
By that I mean I
will bring drugs.
I'd rather go alone.
Just don't know
what I'll do if...
You'll take the medication,
and you'll be fine.
I don't think I'll make it.
I think I'd just
rather not be here.
Don't say shit like that.
It's not something
you joke about.
Oh, you're one to talk.
Have you ever lost anyone?
No.
Okay, well, with
all due respect,
you have no idea what it's like.
Death is not, like, some
freedom from sadness
or your parents or AIDS.
It's no more bike rides,
it's no more movie nights,
it's no more board games.
It's...
It's just nothing.
Don't leave the people
who love you with nothing.
If you love me, you
won't love me anymore.
I'll ask you not
to speak for me. Thanks.
[birds singing]
[bell ringing]
Where's Suzanne?
She left.
Yeah, something about
a dog having worms,
or worms having a dog, I don't
know. It sounded really gross.
Where is she?
Hm, I just told you, sir, she
left. I mean, She's no longer...
- [Suzanne giggling]
- ...here.
SUZANNE: Oh, oops, my bad!
Um, that's for
employees only back there.
[Suzanne and Dara giggling]
- Move.
- No.
- Move.
- No! [groans]
- SUZANNE: Harry!
- HARRY: What the fuck, Suzanne?
SUZANNE: Look, Harry, it's
not... just please calm down.
It's not what you think.
She was helping me...
Helping you what?
Find your tits?
Yeah, I was helping her find
my tits! No, I, we were...
- She's a kid!
- SUZANNE: She's not a kid!
- Actually, I'm 18.
- She's 18!
She's not a kid!
HARRY: What am I
gonna tell Riley?
SUZANNE: Riley? Why do you
have to tell Riley anything?
This is between you and me!
This is nothing!
Okay, it's nothing.
It's really just a stupid, big
fat nothing! There's nothing.
Ah, uh, we're...
We're done.
Henry.
I'm sorry, I...
Henry!
Come back!
[bell ringing]
Hoo!
That was fucking crazy.
Yeah.
She left.
Can't believe she left.
Dude, her
fucking husband
just almost Scott Petersoned me.
Are you okay?
Oh, so now you give
a shit about my life?
Because it's suddenly
dramatic enough for you?
What the fuck is your problem?
- My problem?
- Yeah.
Caleb, what the
hell is your problem?
Banging weird dudes and
ditching me for that loser?
Okay, Dara?
Take a second,
and can you stop, like,
pretending to understand
the shitstorm that's become
my life, because you don't.
But I wanted to, Caleb.
But you don't give a shit.
So, I'm done.
Yeah, if you want to be sick
with someone else, fine.
Go be sick with someone else.
[bell ringing]
[Perfume Genius
singing "Whole Life"]
Half of my whole life
Is gone
Let it drift
And wash away
It was just a dream
I had
It was just a dream
Negative again.
Oh, fuck.
Can that just be it?
Like, do I really have
to wait another month?
I'm telling you,
you're going to be okay.
Half of my whole life
Is done
Heather gathers
In its place
CALEB: Hey, this is Taylor,
calling you for the
five millionth time
to let you know that I've
written a song about you.
It's called "Pick up
the phone, bitch."
Hey. I just wanna know...
WOMAN: This mailbox is full
and cannot accept any messages
at this time. Good-bye.
Leave them
Behind
FEMALE SINGER: Matchmaker,
matchmaker, make me a match
Find me a find,
catch me a catch
Night after night in
the dark, I'm alone
So find me a match of my own
Um, I'm gonna
head out for a bit.
Oh, you know, Benny's
gonna be out late tonight.
He's playing poker.
I thought it would
be a good time for us
to put your portfolio together.
CALEB: Yeah, I'm not doing
the portfolio any more.
Why not?
Because I don't
want to, because I suck.
Also, I don't think
I wanna go anymore.
Oh, wait just a minute here.
Stay right there.
Now this is your dream school.
You're going.
I'm not going.
VALERIE: Oh, I'm not
gonna let you do this.
I'm not gonna let you throw
away everything you worked for!
Okay, just because
you couldn't save Dad
doesn't mean you have
to try and save me.
That's not fair.
I know we're not allowed to
talk about him, but that's true.
Have you
thought at all about
what this is like for me,
who's responsible for you?
I can't talk about your
father because it'd kill me.
And then who would be
here to take care of you?
I'm sorry you
got stuck with me.
Consider yourself free, okay?
Caleb!
Find me no find
Catch me no catch
Unless he's a
matchless match
ESTHA: You need to leave.
Oh, it's good to
see you too, you fuck!
- Open the window.
- I can't talk right now.
Open the window, or I'll
scream my fucking face off.
You're alive. That's cool.
Um, where the hell
have you been?
Didn't return any
of my calls, and...
I told you I was gonna
be there no matter what.
Negative, positive,
I don't care.
You should leave.
What? I'll be quiet.
Your parents, they won't
even know I'm here.
Caleb?
Okay, I don't care
if you're positive.
I'm not positive.
You're not positive?
That's fucking amazing news!
You're not positive?
We gotta go party!
We gotta get fucking wasted!
Caleb, you should go.
What's going on?
Listen.
You've been a good
friend to me this summer.
Good friend?
But, uh, now I have to
focus on the fall and school,
and, uh, this thing will
have to be behind me.
This thing?
This thing?
So, wait, you didn't
try to kill yourself?
You're just, like... you're
just, like, ignoring me.
Why is that so much worse?
Is it 'cause you're fine?
And maybe I'm not fine?
Caleb.
I'm just a
distraction for you.
- What?
- Yeah, yeah.
Just like a nice
way to pass the time
until you go to
your perfect college
with your perfect friends and
your perfect fucking future...
Caleb. Can't stay
in the summer forever.
I can't, okay? I'm sorry.
DAD: Estha! What is going on
in there?
ESTHA: Just watching a movie!
Go.
Oh, and fuck you for
making me like Taylor Swift.
[knocking on door]
Hi.
So, how are you?
Good.
How's your grandmother?
She's still alive.
Yeah, you could call her.
Yeah, I've been busy.
With, um...
Beth El's Sisterhood.
[unintelligible]
You want something to drink?
Yes, please.
You used to like those.
- Hey, where's Aaron?
- EDITH: He's working late.
You look terrible.
Thank you.
Want me to give
you a ride back home?
I mean, sorry, to
your grandmother's?
The house is different.
I did some redecorating.
It's very cool.
Where'd you put his stuff?
Can I have this?
Yeah, sure.
I ride his bike.
I know.
Come on, it's time to go.
[baby crying]
Hey, it's okay.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
It's okay.
It's okay, Seth. It's okay.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Can I hold him?
I'll be careful, I promise.
Please?
Please?
All right, sit down.
Sit down first.
Be careful.
You have to hold his head.
- You got him?
- CALEB: Mm-hmm.
EDITH: Think he likes you.
Hey, little guy.
Your fingers look
like baby shrimp.
Definitely not kosher.
Hey, Mom?
I'm not doing good.
No, you're doing fine.
He's not fussing.
No, like, I'm... not
doing very good.
What do you mean?
What's wrong?
Okay, so... I got dumped,
and I've been working
really hard at school...
- I know.
- CALEB: And...
I did something stupid because
I've been sad.
He was a complete stranger,
and I kinda liked that.
Like, I kinda...
I liked that he didn't know me,
and I was really, really drunk.
And I guess the condom
was old or something.
[baby crying]
EDITH: Give him to me.
No, Mom.
Please.
You need to go.
You need to go now.
Mom, please,
don't make me leave.
[horn blaring]
[bells ringing]
CALEB: Fuck!
Fucking, fucking,
fucking, fucking, fuck!
[bridge creaking]
Are you okay?
Caleb?
Oh, god.
What happened?
Everyone leaves me.
- That's not true.
- CALEB: It is.
Dom, Estha, Dad, her.
Everyone.
I don't know what an Estha is,
but your dad did not
want to leave you, Caleb.
That's only
'cause he didn't know
this version of me, the one
with the fucked-up blood.
Oh, your father
would've gone to war for you.
He always knew
exactly what you were,
and he loved you for it.
Oh, I hate myself for not
reminding you of that
every single day,
and it's just so hard
for me to talk about him.
CALEB: Yeah, and I don't want
to make things harder for you.
I'm not gonna hold you back.
- You're not holding me back.
- I am.
From selling the
house, from moving.
Oh, listen, I don't wanna
sell this house because...
your father had his first
haircut in that bathroom.
He learned to play the
guitar in that chair.
And I just don't know
how to let him go.
It's got nothing to do with you.
You're gonna have
a wonderful life,
no matter what that test says,
and I can't wait to see it.
Yeah, how do you know?
I have lived through
two husbands, seven wars...
- and five revivals of "Oklahoma!"
- [laughs]
I've seen it all.
And, baby, you are
one in a billion.
You're my grandson.
You got my blood in you too,
and don't you ever forget it.
For that reason alone,
you will do great things.
You will find great love.
And if you're anything like me,
you'll find it more than once.
When?
I'm so tired of waiting.
VALERIE: I know, honey, but...
waiting doesn't
mean you shut down.
It doesn't mean you turn
yourself into the kind of person
that lets the world
decide who you are
and what you can do.
You fight for what you want.
You fight for what you deserve.
I mean, you wait,
but you wait with you
fucking fist in the air.
That's my boy.
MALE SINGER: Could've
broken me like glass
In an emergency
It's a giving in
Where do I
I'm not really
sure how I'm feeling,
and I think that's okay.
Um, at this point, I'm
just, like, ready to know
and move on with my life.
PEDRO: And I knew that I
was gonna be in love in him,
that I was gonna fall
in love with him.
It is a lot easier for
me to face my own fears
and face the uncertainty
of my own life
knowing that he's there.
So I love you.
Don't try to save me
One thing I am sure of
Is everything will change
Time moves us, you grow old
Days will get rearranged
Changing tides
Hey, sorry, um...
I know things are
kind of weird, but...
Can I see you?
One thing I am sure of
For you, I wait
[knocking on door]
DAD: Estha! You're going
to miss your flight. Let's go!
One thing I am sure of
For you, I wait
DARA: All we ever
talked about
was getting out
of this shithole!
Kinda surprised you
asked to meet me here.
Well, it's so much more
tolerable when nobody's around.
I got you something.
Is this quiche?
I hope so.
Is it good?
No!
Dara.
I'm really fucking sorry.
You're my best friend
and I fucked up.
I'm really sorry, too.
I quit right after it happened.
Good for you.
She had a loose pussy, anyway.
Thank you for that.
- I finally got a line cook job!
- That's amazing!
- At Applebee's.
- Less amazing.
- But you gotta start somewhere.
- I guess.
I leave for New York
in, like, like a week.
Have you packed already?
CALEB: Do I really need
to answer that question?
So I get my final
results tomorrow,
and I wanted to see if
you wanna come with?
Yeah, sure, um.
I'll roll some Js for the road.
I don't know how you always
know what to say. It's crazy.
You're not gonna
make me eat one.
Gross!
How did I create that?
[Dara laughing]
So, I scheduled a
walk-through at that condo
on Hollywood Beach, the Orion.
Now, before you
get all cute on me,
I have certain conditions.
- Naturally.
- I live above the 10th floor.
Mm-hmm.
I will have
an oceanfront view.
- DARA: Mm!
- Oh!
And I will not eat in that
deli more than once a week.
- Done.
- DARA: Do you think
the resident discount
is transferable?
Not transferable.
Orion! Wow.
How you feeling
about tomorrow?
Try not to think about it.
You're doing well
'cause you do a lot of things,
- but you don't think about it.
- [laughing]
- What? He's funny!
- Not that funny.
DARA: He's jealous,
'cause you're not funny.
[everyone laughing]
[David Bowie
singing "Five Years"]
Pushing through
the market square
So many mothers sighing
You said, just come over
We had five
years left crying
I heard telephones, opera
house, favorite melodies
I saw boys, toys,
electric irons and TVs
My brain hurt
like a warehouse
It had no room to spare
I had to cram so many things
to store everything in there
And all the fat,
skinny people
And all the tall,
short people
And all the nobody people
And all the somebody people
I never thought I'd
need so many people
I think I saw you in
an ice-cream parlor
Drinking milkshakes
cold and long
Smiling and waving
and looking so fine
Don't think you knew
you were in this song
And it was cold
and it rained
So I felt like an actor
And I thought of Ma, and I
wanted to get back there
Your face, your race
Cohn, Caleb?
The way that you talk
I kiss you, you're beautiful,
I want you to walk
We've got five years
Stuck on my eyes
Five years, what a surprise
We've got five years
My brain hurts a lot
Five years,
that's all we got
We've got five years
CALEB: Oh, um, I saw
a flier at the center
for a lesbian craft
night tonight. You wanna...
You wanna go?
Okay, but there
won't be boys there.
Yeah, from this
moment, truly a blessing.
Um, sure, yeah.
But only if you really feel up
to it. No pressure.
No, I know, we can finally
bag you a single lady.
I heard the craft night is
packed with eligible bottoms.
Aren't I a bottom?
You're a top.
Yeah.
Five years
What a surprise
We've got five years
Stuck on my eyes
We've got five years
My brain hurts a lot
Five years, that's
all we've got
Five years
Five years
Five years
Five years
Five years
MALE SINGER: Could've
broken me like glass
In an emergency
It's like giving in
Where do I begin
Bless the skies,
I don't know why
I hate Florida sometimes
Is it take and take
Is it my mistake
What I used to
know, I don't know
Just spin me,
I'll lose control
Well, it feels
like I'm on my own
Don't try to save me
One thing I am sure of
Is everything will change
Time moves us, you grow old
Days will get rearranged
Changing tides, I
feel it in my bones
And I don't ask why
and I just let them go
'Cause I know one
thing I am sure of
For you, I wait
You are sad, you
dig your heels
On who I am and
what is real
Only you and me
And all we're going to be
What I used to
know, I don't know
Just spin me,
I'll lose control
But it feels like
I'm on my own
Don't try to save me
One thing I am sure of
Is everything will change
MALE SINGER:
Accidental lover
What'd you do with
all my common sense
You came in undercover
When I didn't
even want a friend
I'm tired of living
like I'm dying
And now I can find a
silver lining like before
Yeah, like before
You got a funny
sense of timing
Showed up on the night
that I start trying
For something more
For something more
And I'm like, oh, sweet,
gotta think I'm in trouble
Kinda making me wonder
What it's like
on the other side
And I'm like, baby, you're
kinda driving me crazy
I'm not one to need saving
But I guess I'll
give it a try
FEMALE SINGER: Oh my oh my
Down, down, lover
What I tell you
is in confidence
Laying here together
makes me want to take
A second chance