Three Tall Women (2022) Movie Script
1
I'm ninety-one.
Is that so?
Yes.
You're ninety-two.
Be that as it may.
- Is that so?
- It says so here.
Well... What does it matter?
Vanity is amazing.
So's forgetting.
I'm ninety-one.
Ok.
You're ninety-two.
Oh, let it alone.
- No! It's important.
- It doesn't matter!
It does to me.
I know,
Because he says,
"you're exactly thirty years
older than I am,"
I know how old I am because
I know how old you are,
And if you ever forget
how old you are
"Ask me how old I am,
and then you'll know."
Oh, he's said that a lot.
What if he's wrong?
What?
Let it be.
What if he's wrong?
What if he's not
Thirty years younger than you?
You'd think
he'd know how old he is!
No, I mean, what if he's wrong
About how old you are.
Don't be silly.
How couldn't he be
Thirty years younger than me
When I'm thirty years
older than he is?
He's said it over and over.
Every time he comes to see me.
What is today?
It's Thursday!
You see?!
Well, one of you might be
wrong, and it might not be him.
- He.
- Yes, I know.
Don't be stupid.
What is it? What day is it?
It's Thursday!
- No.
- No what?
No it isn't.
Ok.
What day do you think it is?
What day do I...?
What day is...?
Well... It's today, of course!
What day do you think it is?!
Right on, girl!
What an answer!
What a dumb...
Don't you talk to me that way!
Well, I'm sorry!
I pay you, don't I?
You can't talk to me that way.
In a way.
What?!
Indirectly. You pay
someone who pays me.
- Someone who...
- Well, there, you see?
You can't talk to me that way.
She isn't talking
to you that way.
What?
She isn't talking
to you that way.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Besides..
There.
Feel better?
Honestly.
A good cry lets it all out.
What does a bad one do?
Sometimes you're so...
What?!
Never mind.
I was going to say something
nice. Never mind.
What did she say?
She mumbles all the time.
I don't mumble!
Never mind!
How is anybody expected
to hear what she says?
She didn't finish her sentence.
It doesn't matter.
I'll bet it doesn't.
What I meant was
You may have been incorrect
about your age for so long,
May have made up the fiction
so many years ago,
Though why anyone would
lie about one year.
Let her alone, let her
have it if she wants to.
- I will not.
- Have what?
Why you would lie
about one year?
I can imagine taking
off ten or trying to.
Though more probably
five or seven,
Good and tricky... but one!
Taking off one year?
What kind of vanity is that?
How you go on.
How you go on.
How I go on.
So, I can understand
Ten, or five, or seven,
but not one.
How you do.
How you do.
How what?
How she goes on.
Yes! How you go on!
Yes, I do.
I want to go.
On?
I want to go.
I want to go.
You want to go?
You want the pan?
Is it number one?
Do you want the pan?
No, no, noooo!
Ah. All right.
Can you walk?
I don't know!
Well, we'll try you.
Ok? You want the walker?
I want to walk!
I don't know! Anything!
I have to go!
All right!
You're hurting me!!
You're hurting me!!
All right, I'm being careful!
- No, you're not!!
- Yes, I am!
- No, you're not!!
- Yes, I am.
No, you're not!
You're trying to hurt me,
you know how I hurt!!
Hold the fort.
I will.
I will hold the fort.
I suppose one could
lie about one year,
Some kind of one-upmanship,
A private vengeance, perhaps,
Some tiny victory, maybe.
I don't know,
Maybe these things
get important.
Why can't I be nice?
Made it that time.
And... So it goes.
Not always, eh?
In the morning, when
she wakes up, she wets.
A kind of greeting
to the day, I suppose.
The sphincter and
the cortex not in sync.
Never during the night,
But as she wakes.
Good morning to the morning, eh?
Something to something.
Put a diaper on her.
She won't have it.
I'm working on it,
but she won't have it.
Rubber sheet?
Won't have it. Get her up,
Put her in the chair
and she does the other.
- Give her a cup of coffee...
- Black.
Half cream and all that sugar!
Three spoons! How has
she lived this long?
Give her a cup of coffee,
put her in her chair,
Give her a cup of coffee and...
Place your bets.
What chair? This chair?
You got it.
Don't worry.
It must be awful.
For whom?
For her!
You're paid.
It's probably awful for
you, too, but you're paid.
As she never
ceases to inform me...
And you.
To begin to lose it,
I mean the control,
- The loss of dignity, the...
- Oh, stop it!
It's downhill from sixteen on!
- For all of us!
- Yes, but...
What are you, twenty-something?
Haven't you figured it out yet?
You take the breath in...
You let it out.
The first one you take in,
you're upside down
And they slap you into it.
The last one, well, the last one
You let it all out
and that's it.
You start and then you stop.
Don't be so soft.
I'd like to see children learn
it, have a six-year-old say,
"I'm dying" and
know what it means.
- You're horrible!
- Grow up!
Do you know it? Do you
know you're dying?
- Well, of course, but...
- Grow up.
A person could die
in there and nobody'd care.
- Done already?!
- A person could die!
A person could fall down
and break something!
A person could die!
Nobody would care!
- Let me help you.
- Get your hands off me!
A person could die for
all anybody'd care.
Who is this person?
A person could do this, a person
could do... It's a figure of speech.
No. Really?
So they tell me.
Hold on to me! Do you want me
to fall?! You want me to fall!
Yes, I want you to fall,
I want you to fall
and shatter in ten pieces.
Or five, or seven.
Where's my chair?
Where's my chair gone to?
Goodness, where's
her chair gone to?!
Somebody's taken her chair!
What?!
Who's got my chair?
I'm sorry!...Your majesty!
There's your chair.
Do you want your pillow?
Shall I get you your pillow?
Fetch her pillow.
I want to sit down.
Yes, yes. Here we go.
Which pillow?
Are you comfortable?
Do you want your pillow?
Of course I'm not comfortable,
Of course I want my pillow!
- I don't know which one!
- It's two, actually,
One for the back and
this one for the arm.
Here we are, lean forward.
That's a girl.
My arm! My arm!
Where's the pillow?
Here we go.
All comfy?
All comfy?
What?
Nothing.
- And so it goes?
- Uh-huh.
What a production.
- You haven't seen anything.
- I bet!
You can't just leave
me in there like that.
What if I fell? What if I died?
Well, if you fell
I'd either hear you
or you'd raise a racket,
And if you died...
What would it matter?
You say that again!
Alb:
What's the matter with you?
Who? Me?
Yes, you.
What's the matter with me?
That's what she said.
That's what I said.
What are you
all doing-ganging up on me?
Is that what we're doing?
Maaaybeee!
There's nothing
the matter with me.
Well, you just wait.
Wha-what, what did she say?
She says there's nothing
the matter with her,
Miss perfect over there.
I didn't say that,
that's not what I...
Wh-wh-why is she yelling at me?
- She's not.
- I'm not!
- Now you are.
- You see?!
What it is, what day is it?
It's Thursday.
Will he come today?
Is today the day he comes?
No, not today.
Why not?
Oh, he probably has
something else to do,
He probably has a full schedule.
He never comes to see me,
And when he does he never stays.
I'll fix him,
I'll fix all of 'em.
They all think they
can treat me like this.
You all think you can
get away with anything.
I'll fix you all.
Is it always like this?
No... It's often
very pleasant.
Huh!
You all want something,
There's nobody doesn't
want something.
My mother taught me that,
Be careful, she said,
they all want something,
She taught me what to expect,
Me and my sister.
She prepared us...
And somebody had to!
I mean, we were girls
and that was way back then,
It was different then.
We didn't have a lot,
and being a girl...
Wasn't easy.
We knew we'd have
to make our own way,
And being a girl back then...
Why am I talking about this?!
Because you want to.
That's right.
She tried to prepare us...
For going out in the world,
For men,
For making our own way.
Sis couldn't do it,
That's too bad.
I could!
I did!
I met him at a party and
he said he'd seen me before.
He'd been married twice...
The first one was a whore,
The second one was a drunk.
He... He was funny!
He said, 'let's go
riding in the park!'
And I said, 'all right!'
Scared to death.
I lied, I said I rode.
He didn't care, he wanted me,
I could tell that.
It only took six weeks.
Good girl!
We had horses
when we were married,
We had a stable,
We had saddle horses, we rode.
Hoity-toity.
I learned to ride
and I was very good.
- I'm sure!
- How are you sure?
- Shhhhhhh.
- I rode sidesaddle
And I rode astride,
And I drove ponies... hackneys
And I loved it all.
He would go with me and we
would ride every morning,
And the dalmatian would go
with us... What was her name?
Suzie!
No.
We had good horses
and we showed them,
And we won all the ribbons,
And we kept them in a
big case down in... In
Down in, in the...
No, that was the other house.
We kept them.
And, and cups.
All the silver cups we won,
And bowls, and platters.
We knew all the judges
But that's not why we would win.
We won because we were the best.
- Of course.
- Be decent.
Oh, she'll learn.
We had horses!
I knew all the judges,
And I'd go in the ring when
we were in the championships,
And I'd sit there
and I'd watch the horses,
I never rode when we were
in the championships.
Earl did that.
He was our rider.
I would sit there and
watch with the judges.
They all knew me,
we were famous,
We had a famous stable.
And when the judging was done
They'd tell me if we'd won,
And we almost always did,
And if they told me, and they
almost always did,
I'd signal.
I'd take my hat off
and I'd touch my hair
And that way they'd
know we'd won.
Who?
Everyone in our box!!
Oh, I used to love it,
Riding in the morning,
Going to the stable in the
station wagon in my coat
And jodhpurs and my
derby, and petting...
Oh, what was her name?
The dalmatian?
Suzie, I-I think...
No, no...
And mounting and riding off.
Sometimes he came with me
And sometimes he didn't.
Sometimes I went off alone.
Who?
Her husband, most likely.
Did you ride when
you were little?
No. We were poor.
Poor? Really?...Poor?
Well, no, not really poor,
My father was an architect,
He designed furniture,
he made it.
That's not an architect, that's...
Let it be.
He made such
beautiful furniture,
He was an architect.
Strict, but fair.
No...
No, that was our mother
who was strict.
No, they were both strict.
And fair.
Now, now.
I don't know what I'm saying!
What am I saying?
You're talking about horses,
You were talking about
riding, and we asked:
When you were a little girl...
We never rode,
The neighbors had a horse
But we never rode it.
I don't think my
sister ever rode.
But I can't swim.
She drank.
When she was a little girl?
Oh, please!
What are we talking about?
Horses.
You didn't ride when
you were a little girl.
Oh, no...
You rode if you were a farmer,
Or if you were rich.
Or if you were a rich farmer.
Shhhhhhh.
Ah... She'll learn.
Won't you?
Well, I dare say.
I wasn't rich until
I got married,
And I wasn't really
right then 'til later.
It all adds up.
We had saddle horses, we rode.
I learned to ride
and I was very good.
I rode sidesaddle
and I rode astride,
And I drove ponies-hackneys...
- And you loved it all.
- Shhhhhhh!
And I what?
- You loved it all!
- You loved it all.
I did?
So you say.
Well, then, it must be true.
I didn't like sex much,
but I had an affair.
Oh?
What?! What do you want?!
She doesn't want anything.
We used to ride.
He would go with me,
Not all the time.
Sometimes I went off alone,
Or with the dog, part way,
Never too far from the stable,
She had a cat
she was in love with.
She'd go back, but I'd go on.
I had my jodhpurs and my coat
And my switch
And my derby hat.
I always rode in all my costume.
Never go out, except
you're properly dressed,
I always say.
I'd drive in the station
wagon from the house,
I loved to drive!
I was good at it.
I was good at everything,
I had to be, he wasn't.
I'd drive in the station
wagon to the stable,
And earl would be there,
Or one of the stable boys...
Tom...
Or...
Or...
Bradley.
Am I doing in my panties?
Well, let's see.
Upseedaisy!
Nope, but I bet you're going to.
Off you go.
Hold the fort?
Why am I doing this?
Because it's unnecessary?
Because I've already done it?
The princess and the pea, maybe?
What's wrong with her arm?
She fell and broke it.
It didn't heal.
Mostly they don't at that age.
They put pins in it, metal pins,
Bone disintegrates
around the pins
And the arm just hangs there.
- They want to take it off.
- What?!
The arm, they want
to take the arm off.
- No!
- She won't let them.
- I shouldn't think so.
- It hurts!
Still...
What do you know?
She makes us go into the city
once a week to see the surgeon,
The one who set it,
The one who wants
to take it off.
God, he's almost
as old as she is!
She trusts him, she says.
She goes in once a week,
And she makes them x-ray it,
and look at it,
And each time the
pins are looser,
And the bone is gone more,
And she tells the old
guy, the surgeon,
It's so much better,
And she wants him to
agree, and he waffles,
And he looks at me
and I'm no help,
And she makes him promise that
he'll never take the arm off,
And won't let anyone
else do it either,
And he promises...
Assuming she'll forget?
Probably, but she won't.
There are some things
she never forgets.
He promised me,
you were there, you heard him.
I think she says that
every other day:
He promised me,
you were there, you heard him.
Oh, god!
Now, why did you do that?!
You naughty, naughty girl!
Bad, bad girl!
What do I have to do-take
everything away from you? Huh?!
I broke the glass!
I took the glass
And I threw it down in the sink!
I broke the glass and now
She has to clean it up!
Bad girl!
I broke the glass!
I broke the glass!
I have to sit down!
I can't sit down by myself!
Why won't somebody help me?!
All right, now!
Jesus!
You're a big help.
I didn't know
I was supposed to be.
Just here from the lawyer, eh?
Yes, just here from the lawyer.
What?
What did you say?
I said... well,
What I implied was, since
she's here from the lawyer,
Why should she behave
like a human being,
Why should she be any help,
- Why should she...
- You're from harry?
No, harry's dead,
harry's been dead for years.
Harry's dead?
When did harry die?
Thirty years ago!
Well, I knew that.
What are you talking
about harry for?
You asked if I'd come
from harry, you asked...
I wouldn't do
anything that stupid.
And so it goes.
Harry used to be my lawyer,
But that was years ago.
Harry died, what?
Thirty years ago, harry died.
Now his son's the lawyer.
I go to him, well...
He comes to me,
Sometimes I go to him.
Yes, you do. And yes he does.
Why are you here?
Some things have been...
Misplaced,
Aren't being done.
Some things...
somebody's stealing things?!!
No no no no.
We send you papers to sign
and you don't sign them,
We call you and you
don't call back,
We send you checks to sign
and you don't sign them,
Things like that.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
- Well...
- None of it's true!
You're lying!
Get harry on the phone!
- Harry is...
- Excuse me?
The "I'll get to it" pile?
What?!
The "I'll get to it" pile?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
- Papers? Checks?
- Ooh, lots of stuff.
- There's nothing!
- What is there? What is it?
You have a drawer full,
The bills come
and you look at them,
And some of them you send on
and they get paid,
And some of them you say
you can't remember
- So you don't send them, and...
- Why would I send in a bill
For something I never ordered?
And they send you
your checks to sign?
To pay bills? And
some of them you sign,
Because you remember
what they were for,
But some of them, some of the
checks, you can't remember?
I what?!
You don't remember
what they're for
So you don't sign them and
you put them in the drawer.
So?
These things pile up.
I see, I see.
Everybody out there's
ready to rob me blind.
I'm not made of money, you know.
Yes, you are.
- Isn't she?
- More or less.
They'd steal you blind
If you didn't pay attention:
The help, the stores,
the markets,
That little jew makes my
furs... What's her name?
Aw, she's nice.
They all rob you blind
If you so much as
turn your back on them.
All of them!
We've asked you:
Let all your bills come to us,
We'll know what to do,
Let me bring you
your checks every month,
I'll stay here while you
sign them. Whatever you like.
None of you think I can
handle my own affairs?
I've done it for...
When he was so sick
I did it all,
I did all the bills,
I did all the checks,
I did everything.
But now you don't have to.
I didn't have to then,
I wanted to.
I wanted everything to be right,
And I do now, I still do!
- Well, of course you do.
- Of course you do.
And so I'll handle my own
affairs, thank you.
Well, certainly.
And I'll watch you
pretend to handle them.
And I watch you,
Every one of you!
I used to love horses.
It's just people you don't like.
Oh? Is that it?
We rode western saddle, too.
It was when he almost
died the first time,
The first time I was with him.
He had a blood infection.
He was hunting,
They were all hunting,
And a gun went off and it
Hit him in the arm,
the shoulder.
Oh my god!
They shot him in the shoulder,
And they didn't get
all the bullet out,
And it got infected
And his arm swelled
up like a balloon
And they lanced it and it burst
- And there was pus all over...
- Stop!
- Why? What's it to you?
- And they put drains in it
And there weren't
any medicines then...
- No antibiotics, you mean.
- What?
- No antibiotics!
- Yes,
And it wouldn't go away
and it would get worse,
And everybody said
he was going to die,
But I wouldn't let him!
I said, 'no!
He is not going to die!'
I told that to the doctors,
And I told him that, too,
And he said all right,
he would try,
If I would sleep with him,
If I wouldn't leave him
alone at night,
Be next to him, and I did.
And it smelled so awful,
- The pus, the rot, the...
- Don't! Please!
And they said
take him to the desert,
Bake his arm in the hot sun,
And so we went there,
we went to arizona,
And he sat in the
baking sun all day.
His arm oozing and stinking,
And splitting and... And...
And in six months it went away
And his arm went down in size
And there was no more pus
And he was saved,
Except for the scars,
All the scars,
And I learned
to ride western saddle.
My, my.
And it was outside of
phoenix, camelback mountain,
We used to ride out
into the desert.
And the movie star was there,
The one who married
the young fellow
Who ran the studio,
She had eyes of a
different color.
She had what?
She had eyes of
a different color.
One eye was blue, or something,
And the other one
was green, I think.
Who was this?
Oh, she was a big star,
She was tiny and she
had a very big head.
I think she drank too.
You think everyone drinks.
Merle oberon?
No, of course not! You know!
How long ago was this?
- Claire trevor?
- Oh... When I was there,
When we were there.
She was tiny!
She had two eyes!
- In the thirties?
- Probably.
She had a son,
She cooked an egg
on the sidewalk,
It was so hot!
He told me.
Her son told you?
No! Ours!
He was a little boy, too,
He played with all
the other children,
The chewing gum twins, that one!
That must have
been before the war.
Which one?!
Civil!
Thalberg!
That's who she married!
Arnold thalberg,
He was a real smart little jew.
All smart jews are little.
Have you noticed?
Irving, irving thalberg.
I'm a democrat,
I notice a lot of things.
Most of us are, most of us do.
But still, it's
fascinating, isn't it?
Grisly, but fascinating.
She doesn't mean anything
by it-or if she did, once,
She doesn't now.
It just falls out.
Norma shearer!
A and b:
Who?!
What's the matter
with all you people?
We're democrats.
What?
Well, you asked
what the matter was.
Don't you get fresh!
My god!
I haven't heard
that in a long time.
Don't you get fresh!
My mother would say
that to me all the time.
Don't you get fresh!
To sis and me.
She made us eat
everything she put before us,
And wash the dishes,
She made us know
what being a grown-up was.
She was strict...
But fair.
No, that was our father,
No, that was...
Both of them.
They're dead,
Sis, they're dead!
A smart little jew.
At least she didn't say kike.
She made us write
thank-you notes,
And take little gifts
whenever we went somewhere,
And made us wash everything
We wore the night we wore it,
By hand, before we went to bed.
Sometimes sis wouldn't
and I had to do hers, too.
She made us be
proper young ladies.
And go to church twice
a day? And pray a lot?
What?
Oh, yes, we went to church,
But we didn't talk
about it very much.
We took it for
granted, I suppose.
How much did you steal?
When?
Whenever.
Well...
I waited
until you were asleep...
I never sleep.
Until you were
pretending to be asleep,
And I went into
the silver closet
And I took down all
the big silver bowls,
And I stuck them up
under my skirt,
And I waddled out
into the hall...
Joke about it if you want to.
You must have looked funny!
Well, I suppose.
Waddling out like that,
You probably clanked, too.
Yes, I'm sure I did.
Clank, clank!
Alb: Clank, clank! Clank, clank!
You don't think
anything's funny, do you?
Oh, yes, I'm just
trying to decide
What I think's really the most
hilarious, unpaid bills,
Anti-semitism, senility, or...
Now, now. Play in
your own league, huh?
Well! I'm sorry!
I'll have to talk
to harry about you.
Harry's dead,
harry's been dead for years.
I know...
I know.
I don't have any
friends anymore,
Most of them are dead,
And the ones aren't
dead they're dying,
And the ones aren't
dying, have moved away
Or I don't see anymore.
Well, what does it matter?
You don't like any of
them anymore, anyway.
That's true.
But you're supposed
to like them,
To have them with you.
Isn't it a contract?
You take people as friends
and you spend time at it,
You put effort in.
And it doesn't matter if
you don't like them anymore,
Who likes anybody anymore?
You've put in all that time,
What right do they have
to... To... To...
- To die?
- What?
What right do they have to die?
No!
To not be what they were.
To change, you mean?
- Let her alone.
- No! No right!
You count on them!
And they change.
The bradleys!
The phippses!
They die, they go away.
And family dies,
family goes away.
Nobody should do this!
Look at sis!
What about her?
My sister was a drunk.
She was smarter than me...
No... Brighter,
Two years younger.
Or five, or seven.
- What?
- Nothing.
She always got better grades,
had more beaus,
When we were growing up,
only then,
She missed more boats
Than you can shake a stick at.
I've never shook
a stick at a boat.
Well, maybe
you should give it a try.
Shaken, not shook.
We came to the city together,
After she finished school,
And we had a tiny
little apartment,
And our mother and our
father came to see it,
To be sure it was all right,
not dangerous, I suppose.
It was furnished,
But he didn't like it,
So he gave us some of theirs,
Some from the garage.
He made the most
beautiful furniture.
He was an architect.
We went out all the time,
Looking for jobs,
Jobs a young lady could accept,
Being escorted out at night.
We were the same size, so we
could wear each other's clothes,
That saved money.
We had little allowance,
but a very little one,
Nothing to spoil us.
She was a little
shorter, but not much.
We kept a list so
the boys, the young men,
The...
The men, who took us out,
We went out with them
together a lot,
Wouldn't know we were
wearing each other's...
Is that what I mean?
Yes, I think so,
- Most probably.
- Keep awake.
"No, no, I wore that at
the plaza, don't you remember?
You'd better wear the beads."
We had a regular list.
We had big feet.
- What?!
- They had big feet.
We had big feet.
I still do... I guess.
Do I still have big feet?
Yes, yes, you do.
Well, I'd never know.
I think we liked each other.
We used to confide a lot,
And laugh, and...
Mother would made us write
Twice a week or call, later.
We tried sending
letters together,
One letter together, but
She'd make us send two,
Each of us one.
They had to be newsy, and long,
And she'd send them back
to us with things like,
Uhm... Uhm...
'that's not true, '
or
'don't abbreviate, '
Or 'your sister said
the same thing, '
If she didn't like them.
Or spelling. Sis couldn't spell.
She drank.
Your mother?
What? No, of course not.
My sister!
Of course.
- Even then?
- When?
When you...
When you first came to the city.
No, of course not!
Later.
Well, we'd have champagne
when we went out,
Before the speakeasies.
We would drink champagne,
Nibble on candied orange rind.
He brings me some,
sometimes, when he comes.
Or flowers-freesia,
when they're in season.
It's the least he can do.
And he knows it!
Who? Who is this?
Shhhhhhh.
Her son.
We'd go out, but we didn't
take each other's boyfriends.
She was prim, I liked... Uhm,
Wilder men, I suppose.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Why? Don't you?
We never liked
the same boys... Men.
I don't think she
liked men very much.
Well, I know she didn't.
We had to make her get married,
when she was
Almost forty,
get someone for her!
I don't think she wanted him,
he was a wop.
I don't believe it sometimes.
Why not?
Wop, nigger, kike?
I told you,
it doesn't mean anything.
It's the way she learned things.
From these strict
but fair parents?!
I have jewish friends,
And I have irish friends,
And I have south american
friends... I did!
Not puerto rican, or like that,
But venezuelan, and cuban.
Oh, we loved to go to havana.
- Another world, eh?
- Uh-huh.
I've never known any colored...
Well, help, yes.
In pinehurst they
had colored help
And we used to visit them there.
They knew their place, they were
polite, and well behaved,
None of those uppity
niggers, the city ones.
Oh, Jesus christ!
He keeps telling me
I can't say these things.
I don't know what
things he means.
He said once, he wouldn't come
To see me anymore
If I said those things.
I don't know what
things he means.
What did he mean?
Don't worry yourself.
Your sister married an italian.
She did what?
Oooh! Oh, that was later.
I always had my eye
out for the right man.
And she didn't?
No, she always thought
everything would fall
Right into her lap.
And it did, a lot.
I had to work for everything,
nothing came my way.
I was tall and handsome,
She was tall and pretty.
Tall but shorter,
Not as tall as I am...
Was.
I've shrunk! I'm not tall!
I used to be so tall!
Why have I shrunk?!
It happens with time,
We get shorter.
It happens every day, too,
We're taller in the morning
than we are at night.
How?!
The spine compresses
as the day goes on.
I don't have one.
I used to have a spine,
I don't have one anymore!
What does she mean?
She means osteoporosis.
It hasn't happened to you yet?
You wait!
The spine collapses,
you can fracture it by
Walking, turning around...
Whatever.
I used to be tall!
I've shrunk!
I know.
He was short.
A lot of my beaus were tall,
But he was short.
Who is this?
Her husband, I think.
Oh, that's a long time ago.
Oh, I knew such tall
boys, such dancers.
Sis and I would dance all night
With all the tall boys.
Some of them were showboys,
they were fairies,
But some of them were regular.
We would dance the night away,
And sometimes I'd go off.
Naughty girl!
I was the wild one.
Sis would say to me,
'how can you do that?!'
And I'd laugh and
I'd say, 'oh, come on!'
I liked to have a good time,
But I had my eye out.
I always had my eye out.
If I don't have
my eye out, who will?
I've always had
to be on my toes,
Them sneaking around,
Stealing and conniving.
If I didn't keep my eye out,
We wouldn't have had anything.
His sister!
That one she married?
The first one!
The dumpy little... Agh,
Dentist was he?
What did he know about
running an office?
What did he know
about handling money?
Enough to steal!
Enough to line his own pockets.
And of course the old man
Kept his head turned
The other way because the...,
What's his name, the dentist
Was married to his
precious daughter!
Oh that one!
Whining and finagling,
Wrapping him around
her little finger!
I had to stay one step ahead
Of all of them!
I fixed 'em!
Did you?
What?
Did you fix them?
Who? Wha-wha-,
what are you talking about?
The ones you fixed!
How do I know?
I don't know what
you're talking about!
Fix who?
I don't know.
The ones who were
robbing you blind!
Yes, those.
Everybody's robbing me,
right and left.
Everybody steals.
Everybody steals something.
Including me? Do I steal?
I don't know.
How would I know?
He says I should
have more money.
Doesn't your office...?
We deal with what comes in.
There's more than one
handles her money.
There's plenty of chance,
if anyone wanted to.
Sis used to envy
me after I married.
She never did well.
I always had my eye out.
You use all your income,
as far as I can see.
Well, why not? It's mine!
Well, just don't complain.
If you wanted an increase in
principal, you'd have to...
I don't complain.
I never complain!
I have you, and I have her,
And I have the chauffeur,
And I have this place here,
And I have to look pretty,
And sometimes I have the nurses,
though they're black.
Why is that?
And I have all those things...
- I have the cook, I have the...
- I know, I know.
They all steal,
every one of them.
Ah, well.
Sis didn't have her eye out,
Not like I did.
I married him.
He was short,
He had one eye,
One was glass,
A golf ball hit him there,
they took it out,
He had a glass one.
Which eye?
Oh, come on!
No, I want to know. Which eye?
Which eye was glass?
Which eye was...?
Well, I-I don't...
I... Can't remember.
I don't know which
eye was the glass one!
I... Can't... Remember.
I... Can't... Remember!
Now, now, now, now.
I can't remember!
Get your hands off me!
How dare you!
Sorry, sorry.
Why can't I remember anything?!
I think...
You remember everything,
I think you just can't bring
it to mind all the time.
Yes? Is that it?
Of course!
I remember eve-everything?
Somewhere in there.
My gracious! My gracious!
I remember everything!
Gracious.
That must be a burden.
Be nice.
Isn't salvation in forgetting?
Lethe, and all?
- Who?
- No one.
Lethe.
I don't know her.
Well, maybe I do,
I just don't have it right now.
- Is that right?
- That's right.
I loved my husband.
I bet you did.
He gave me pretty things,
he gave me jewelry.
Them's pretty.
My god, he said,
you're so big, so tall,
You'll cost me a fortune!
I can't give you little things.
And he couldn't.
I liked pearls
and diamonds best.
No kidding!
Oh, hush!
I had my pearls,
And I had some bracelets,
And he wanted me
to have another,
He'd found one
without telling me.
He wore wide bracelets
back then...
Diamond ones-wide, this wide.
Flat and wide,
The stones in designs,
Very... Uhm... Oh... What?
- Very what?
- Ornate!
Yes! Ornate and wide.
We'd been out,
I'll never forget it,
I'll never forget this,
we'd been to a party,
And we'd had champagne,
And we were... What?
Tipsy? A little, I suppose.
And we came home and we
were on the way to bed.
We had our big bedroom and it
had its separate dressing rooms,
And, you know,
its separate bathrooms,
And we were... Undressing,
We were getting ready for bed.
I was at my table,
And I'd taken off my clothes,
My shoes, my dress,
My underthings,
And I was sitting there
at my dressing table
And I was...
Oh, I was... Naked,
I didn't have a stitch,
Except I had on
All my jewelry.
I hadn't taken off my jewelry.
How wonderful!
Yes! And there I was,
All naked with my pearls,
My necklace, and my bracelets,
My diamond bracelets...
Two... No, three!
Three!
And in he walked,
Naked as a jaybird!
Oh, he was funny
when he wanted to be,
We were naked a lot, early on.
Pretty early on.
All that stopped.
Where am I?
In your story?
What?
In your story.
Where are you in your story?
Yes, of course.
You're naked at your dresser,
And he walks in,
and he's naked, too.
As a jaybird, yes!
Oh, I shouldn't tell this!
Yes! Yes, you should!
- Yes!
- Yes? Yes?
Oh, well,
Oh, there I was,
And, and I was sitting there,
At my dressing table,
And I had my big powder puff,
And I was powdering myself,
And I was paying
attention to that.
I mean, I knew he was there,
but...
I wasn't paying attention.
'I have something
for you, ' he said,
I have something for you.
And I was sitting there,
And I raised my eyes
And looked in the mirror and...
No! I can't tell this!
B/c:
yes, tell us! Please tell us!
And I looked and there he was,
And...
His peepee
Was all hard,
And...
Hanging on it
was a new bracelet.
Oh, my god!
And it was on his pee-pee,
And he came close
And it was the most
Beautiful bracelet
I had ever seen!
It was diamonds,
And it was wide,
So wide and...
'I thought you might
like this, ' he said.
'Oh, my goodness, it's
so beautiful, ' I said.
'Do you want it?' he said.
'Yes, yes!' I said,
'oh, goodness, yes!'
And he came close,
And his pee-pee
Touched my shoulder,
He was short,
and I was tall, or something.
'Do you want it?' he said,
And he poked me with it,
with his pee-pee,
And I turned, and...
He had a little pee-pee.
Oh, I shouldn't say that,
That's terrible to say,
but I know.
He had a little...
You know...
And there was the
bracelet on it, and
He moved closer,
To my face,
And...
'do you want it?'
'I thought you might like it.'
And I said,
'no, I can't do that.
You know I can't do that.'
And I couldn't,
I could never do that,
And I said,
'no! I can't do that!'
And he stood there for...
Well, I don't know...
And his pee-pee got...
Well, it started to go soft,
And the bracelet slid off,
And fell into my lap.
I was naked,
Deep into my lap.
'Keep it!' he said.
And he turned,
And he walked
Out of my dressing room.
It's all right,
It's all right.
The wild one.
It's all right, it's all right.
Take me to bed, take me to bed.
Sure.
Help me.
Bed...
I wanna go to bed.
All right now, a:
We're alomost there.
I wanna go to bed!
Okay,
Here we are.
Oh-ooh.
Oh, my arm!
- My arm!
- I'm sorry!
I'm sorry.
I wanna go to bed.
Oh, oh,
Oh, oh,
Oh, oh!
Mmmhm!
Comfy?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...
B: It's all right.
Comfy?
Yes. Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm not good at... All that.
You'll get there.
I can't project.
Well, think of it this way:
If you live long enough
You won't have to,
you'll be there.
Thanks.
And since it's the far past
we're supposed to recall best,
If we get to the future,
you'll remember
Not being able to project.
As I said, thanks.
A-ha.
What happens now?
You tell me.
You're the one works here.
As I said,
You tell me.
The things we're able to do
And the things we're not.
What we remember doing
And what we're not sure.
What do I remember?
I remember being tall.
I remember first it
making me unhappy,
Being taller in my class,
Taller than the boys.
I remember.
And it comes and goes.
I think they're all robbing me.
I know they are,
But I can't prove it.
I think I know, and then I can't
Remember what I know.
He never comes to see me.
Yes, he does.
When he has to, now and then.
More than most,
He's a good son.
Well, I don't know about that.
He brings me things,
he brings me flowers,
Orchids, freesia,
Those big violets...?
- African.
- Yes. He brings me those,
And he brings me chocolates,
orange rind in chocolate,
That dark chocolate I like,
He does that.
But he doesn't love me.
Oh, now.
He doesn't!
He loves his...
He loves
His boys!
Those... Boys he has.
You don't know!
He doesn't love me,
And I don't know if I love him.
I can't remember!
He loves you.
I can't remember,
I can't remember
what I can't remember.
Isn't that something!
It certainly is.
There's so much,
Holding on,
fighting for everything,
He wouldn't do it,
I had to do everything,
Tell him how handsome he was,
Clean up his blood.
Everything came on me.
Sis being that way,
Hiding her bottles
in her night things,
Where she thought
I wouldn't find them
When she came to stay with
us for a little,
Falling...
Falling down the way she did.
Mother coming to stay,
to live with us,
He said she could,
Where else could she go?
Did we like each other
even at the end?
No, not at the end,
Not when she hated me.
'I'm helpless, '
she... She screamed,
'I hate you!'
She stank,
Her room stank,
She stank,
'I hate you, ' she...
She screamed at me.
I think they all hated me,
because I was strong,
Because I had to be.
Sis hated me, ma hated me,
All those others, they hated me,
He left home, he ran away.
Because I was strong!
I was tall... And I was strong!
Somebody had to be!
If I wasn't, then...
Oh my god, is she...
Is she dead?
No. She's alive.
- I think she's had a stroke.
- Oh, my god!
You better call her son.
I'll call the doctor.
- No change.
- No?
That's the way it goes.
Yes?
Something
to look forward to. No?
I don't want to talk about it,
I don't want to think about it.
Let me alone.
It's worth thinking
about, even at your age.
Let me alone!
It's got to be some way...
Stroke, cancer or,
as the lady said,
Heading into a mountain
with a jet. No?
Or walking off a curb into a
sixty-mile-an-hour wall...
- Stop it!
- Or...
Even worse, think about this...
Home alone in the evening,
servants off,
Him out, at the club,
sitting home alone,
The window jimmied, they get in,
Little cat feet and all,
find you, sitting there
- In the upstairs sitting room...
- I said, stop it!
Find me sitting there
in the upstairs sitting room,
Going over
invitations, whatever...
Bills,
Come up behind me,
slit my throat, me thinking,
Oh, my god,
my throat's being slit,
If that, if there's
time for that.
Arghhhhhhhhhh!
I'm almost done.
Or I hear them...
You hear them turn around,
See them... how many?
Two? Three?
Fall apart, start screaming,
So they have to
slit your throat!
My throat.
Though they may not
have planned it that way.
All that blood on
the chinese rug.
My, my.
Chinese rug?
Yes, beige,
With rose embroidery
all around the edges.
We get it at auction.
I wouldn't know.
No, of course not, you wouldn't.
You will, though,
the rug, I mean.
Clearly nobody
slits your throat,
Or mine, for that matter.
Might be better.
You have things to
tell me, I suppose.
Oh, I certainly do.
But, then again, I don't know
everything either, do I?
I'll do a will, I'll do some
paper that won't let me go on
If I get like that.
There aren't any...
Weren't any then, I tried.
You can't get your
way in this world.
There must be one.
You have your way in everything
and then you can't at the last?
There must be!
There must be what?
A living will.
Oooh!
I was going to,
but then I forgot,
Or it slipped my mind,
or something.
He kept saying, make one!
He has one for himself, he says.
I meant to, nothing
much to do about it now.
Any change?
No, we're...
Just as we were, no change.
I wonder how long this'll go on.
I hope it's quick.
What's her name took six years,
Not a move, not a blink,
Hooked up, breathed for,
pissed for.
Do I know her?
No, after your time,
so to speak.
A-ha.
A lot of money, a lot.
The kids-haha!
Fifty the youngest,
the 'kids' disagreed.
They wanted to see
the will first,
The lawyer wouldn't
show it to 'em,
They came down on both sides...
Kill her off! Keep her going!
Not pretty.
Stop it! Stop it!
- Grow up!
- She will!
She does.
Well, yes, of course.
And so do you.
I will not become that!
Oh, really?
- Come off it.
- I won't!
What do you plan to do about it?
Yes, that's interesting.
- Nor will I become this.
- Haha!
I won't! I know I won't!
That's what I mean.
That thing there?
- Oh!
- I'll never be like that.
Nobody could.
I'm twenty-six, I'm a good girl.
My mother was strict but fair,
She still is,
She loves me,
She loves me and sis and she
wants the very best for us.
We have a nice little
apartment, sis and I,
And at night we go
out with our beaus,
And I do have my eye out, for...
For what? The man of my dreams?
So does sis, I guess.
I don't think I've been in love,
but I've been loved
By a couple of them.
But they weren't the right ones.
They never are.
Hmmmm.
Mother taught us what
the right one would be.
We have fun with the others,
Dancing, staying out late,
Seeing the sun up sometimes.
Things get a little
involved now and again,
And that's fun too,
Though sis doesn't think so
as much as I do.
They get involved, but they
never get very... Serious.
I have my eye out,
and we do have our jobs.
We're mannequins,
the fanciest shop in town!
I don't want that known!
Oh, stop, it was fun.
We go into work and we
put on these lovely frocks,
And we walk elegantly
around the store,
Among the ladies shopping,
Sometimes with
their men, sometimes not,
And we stop,
And they touch our dresses,
The silk, the fabric,
And they ask us questions,
And then we pass on
to another group,
To another section.
We twirl, we... Sashay.
- We do!
- Oh, I know.
Yes, we know, do we know.
Don't look at them,
don't listen to them.
We wear our beautiful
evening gowns,
And we parade about,
And we know there are
people looking at us,
Studying us,
and we smile, and we...
Well, I suppose we flirt a
little
With the men who are doing it,
The husbands, or whatever.
Flirt?! You?!
Me?! Flirt?!
Wheeeee!
Brava! Brava!
- Wheeeee!
- Stop it!
Stay out of my life!
Oh! My dear!
I remember it
differently, little one.
I remember more...
Design.
I remember a little calculation.
Oh, yes, a little calculation,
A little design.
Don't listen to them. Design?
What are they talking about?
Never mind.
They don't know me!
- Noooooooooooo!
- Remember me!
Nooooooooooo!
All right, dear, go on.
I said, go on!
She says go on!
Honestly.
I am a good girl!
Well, yes, I suppose so.
And not dumb.
I'm a good girl.
I know how to attract men.
I'm tall,
I'm striking,
I know how to do it.
Sis slouches and
caves her front in,
I stand tall, breasts out,
Chin up, hands...
Just so.
I walk between the aisles and
they know there's
Somebody coming,
that there's... Somebody there.
But, I'm a good girl.
I'm not a virgin,
but I'm a good girl.
The boy who took
me was a good boy.
Oh, yes he was.
Yes? Was he?
You remember.
Well, it was a while ago.
But you do remember.
Oh! Yes, I remember him!
- He was...
- Sweet and handsome.
No, not handsome!
Beautiful.
He was beautiful!
- He was, yes.
- Yes.
He has coal black hair
and violet eyes
And such a smile!
- Ah!
- Yes!
His body was...
Well, it was thin, but hard.
All sinew and muscle,
He fenced, he told me,
And he was the one with the
megaphone on the crew.
When I held him when we danced,
there was only sinew and muscle.
We dated a lot,
I liked him,
I didn't tell mother, but
I liked him a lot.
I like him, sis, I said,
I really like him.
Have you told mother?
No, and don't you,
I like him lot,
but I don't know.
Has he...? You know?
No, I said, no, he hasn't.
But then he did.
We were dancing...
Slowly... Late,
The end of the evening, and
We danced so close,
All... Pressed, and...
We were pressed, and I could
feel that he was hard,
That muscle and sinew, pressed
against me while we danced.
We were the same height and
he looked into my eyes
As we danced, slowly,
And I felt the
pressure up against me,
And he tensed it
And I felt it move against me.
Whatever is that? I said.
- Hmmmmmmmm.
- Whatever is that? I said.
I knew, but
Whatever is that, I said.
And he smiled,
and his eyes shone,
And, "it's me in love
with you," he said.
You have an interesting
way of showing it, I said.
Appropriate, he said.
And I felt the muscle move
again, and...
Well, I knew it was time,
I knew I was ready,
and I knew I wanted him,
Whatever that meant, that I
wanted him, that I wanted it.
Yes, oh, yes.
Mmmmmmmmmmm.
Remember, don't give
it away, mother said,
Don't give it away
like it was nothing.
They won't respect you for it
and you'll get known
As a loose girl.
Then who will you marry?
Is that what she said?
I can't remember.
Yes you do.
They won't respect you for it
and you'll get known
As a loose girl.
Then who will you marry?
But he was pressed against me,
exactly against
Where he wanted to be.
We were the same height,
And he was so beautiful,
And his eyes shone,
and he smiled at me
And... He moved his
hips as we danced,
So slowly, as we danced, and
He breathed on my
neck and he said,
You don't want me to
embarrass myself
Right here on the dance floor,
do you?
No, no, of course not.
I said, no, no, of course not.
Let's go to my place, he said,
And I heard myself saying,
I'm not that kind of girl?
I mean, as soon as
I said it, I blushed:
It was so stupid, so expected.
Yes, you are, he said,
You're that kind of girl.
And I was, and my
god it was wonderful.
It hurt!
Didn't it?
Oh well, a little.
You're that kind of girl,
And I guess I was.
We did it a lot.
I know it's trite to say
your first time is your best,
But he was wonderful, and I know
I'm only twenty six now and
There've been a few others,
and I imagine I'll marry,
And I'll be very happy.
Well...
We'll talk about happy sometime.
I know I'll be very happy,
But will I ever not
think about him?
He was long and thick
and knew what I wanted,
What I needed, and while I...
I couldn't do...
You know, the thing he wanted...
I just couldn't. I can't.
Nope, never could.
I wonder why.
I tried!
I wanted to do what...
But I... I choked, and I...
I threw up. I just... Couldn't.
Don't worry about it,
Don't worry about
what can't be helped.
And there's more
than one way to skin a cat.
- Why?
- Hm?
Why is there more than
one way to skin a cat?
Why not?
Who needs it?!
Isn't one way enough?
I just want you to
know that I'm a good girl,
That I was... A good girl.
You meet him in two years.
What? Who?
Your husband.
We're what? Twenty-six?
We'll meet him in two years.
The man of my dreams?
Well, a man you'll dream about.
- For a long, long time.
- Like the boy I was...?
Well, yes, he was wonderful,
But then there's life.
- How long?
- Hm?
- How long?
- Long enough.
- You're... What?
- Fifty-two.
I marry when I'm twenty-eight,
You're sixty-six when he dies.
We have him a good long time.
Another fourteen years.
Yes, but the last
six aren't much fun.
That's almost forty
years with one man.
Well, more or less,
More or less one man.
No? Not much fun?
Not much.
How is he? Have I met him?
The one-eyed man?
The little one,
the little one-eyed man?
- Oh, now.
- What?
The one we meet at
the party, sis and me.
Sis is with him, but I see
him looking over at me.
Yes!
Sis doesn't much
care, I don't think.
More or less?
What is this more or less?
- Hm?
- I beg your pardon?
I said almost
forty years with one man.
You said, more or less.
More or less one man?
Oh? Ah! Well,
what are you expecting?
Monogamy or something?
Yes! If I care, yes!
Remember monogamy?
No.
You can talk about
monogamy, if you like,
Pro and con, if you like.
Leave me out of that one.
Infidelity is
a matter of spirit,
Isn't that what they say?
Aside from bad taste,
Disease, confusion
as to where you live,
Having to lie all the time
And remember the lies!
God, remember the lies?
Hmmmm. Well, there
wasn't much, not too much.
Except for the groom, eh?
Oh, my! The groom.
Why do I marry him?
Who? The groom?
The one-eyed man!
I marry the one-eyed man!
- Yes, you do.
- Why?!
Why do I marry him?
Why did I marry him?
Why did I?
- Hmmmmmmmmm.
- Tell me!
Because he makes me laugh.
Because he's little
and he's funny looking,
And a little like a penguin.
Yes! Quite a bit like one.
Well, especially
in his bib and tucker.
C: Why would I marry him
If I'm going to cheat on him?!
Why would you marry him if
he's going to cheat on you?
I don't know!
Calm down,
Adjust, settle in.
Men cheat,
Men cheat a lot.
We cheat less, and we cheat
because we're lonely,
Men cheat because they're men.
No.
We cheat because we're
bored, sometimes.
We cheat to get back,
We cheat because
we don't know any better,
We cheat because we're whores.
We cheat for lots of reasons.
Men cheat for only one!
As you say, because they're men.
Tell me about him!
Don't you want to be surprised?
No!
You've seen him,
or he's seen you.
I don't think you've met him.
He's something of
what they call a playboy,
At least in my time, not yours.
He's rich, or his father is,
And he's divorcing
his second wife.
She's just plain bad, the
first one drank, still does.
That one dies eventually,
Eighty, or something...
Pickled, preserved.
What's he like?
Well...
He's short,
And he has one eye,
And he's a great dancer,
'cept he keeps
running into things,
The eye, you know,
and he sings like a dream!
A lovely tenor,
And he's funny!
God, he's funny!
Oh yes, yes, he was.
And he likes tall women!
Yes, yes, he did!
I have seen him?
He tells me, I think I
remember, he tells me
He saw me with sis
before he dated her,
That I was taller, that he had,
You'll forgive the joke,
His 'eye' on me.
Didn't he tell you that,
that he had his eye on us?
I can't remember.
He was going with that
comedienne did the splits,
The eight-foot one.
Well, you put a stop
to that soon enough.
Once you got your
claws into him, you mean?
Why did I like him?
Is funny enough?
Is having a voice,
is dancing enough?
Don't forget one eye.
Oh, he was nice,
We liked him a lot.
Liked? Liked him lot.
Oh, stop it!
You're twenty-six years old,
Which is not a tot,
There is the future
to look out for...
And he is rich,
or is going to be rich family.
I don't believe this!
Our father dies.
I loved him.
No! He doesn't!
Everybody does.
Except me, maybe.
Except us.
I love him!
Well, that should be enough
to keep the old heart going:
Jesus, she loves me,
how can I go and die on her?
Is it quick?
I don't remember.
Not bad.
Heart failure,
Fluid in the lungs,
Some bad breathing...
Oh, god, the terror in the eyes!
We did that, yes.
We cried when dad died.
B: I cried, sis cried,
Mom went out on the porch
and did it there.
I don't remember.
What happens to ma?
She holds out, she stays on
alone for almost twenty years,
And then she moves in with us.
How does it go?
What?
She becomes an enemy.
She dies when she's eighty-four,
Seventeen years of it,
Of staying up in her room
in the big house with us.
The colitis, the cigarettes,
The six or seven pekingese
she goes through.
I stopped liking her.
I couldn't!
She becomes an enemy.
How?
She...
She starts to resent... Me,
She starts to
resent getting old,
Getting... Helpless,
The eyes, the spine, the mind.
She starts to resent that
I have, that we have so much,
And that I'm being generous,
We're being generous.
She snaps at everything,
She sides with sis,
She criticizes me.
She wasn't like that.
- No! She couldn't be.
- I don't care.
Forget I told you.
She never moved in,
she's still alive,
Up there in the country,
In the same house,
She's a hundred and
thirty-seven now,
Does her own baking,
jogs three times a week...
All right, all right.
There's more.
You want to hear it?
Of course you don't.
No, of course not.
Anyhow,
You marry him!
I do!
Yes, he's fun, and he's nice.
- He sings...
- He dances...
And he's rich,
or going to be...
And he loves tall women!
And you suddenly
realize you love short men.
Penguins.
Alb:
And it goes all right.
His mother doesn't like me,
doesn't like you at all,
But the old man does.
He certainly does!
You're tall,
I bet you're hot stuff.
You win him over.
You know, I think the old
buzzard had a letch for us?
Yes, I think so.
And, boy did he want a grandson.
Oh, that made him happy.
I have children?
We have one,
- We have a boy.
- Yes, we do.
I have...
A son.
Well, fancy seeing you again.
- Get out of my house!
- Stop it! Is..Is that him?
I said, get out of my house!
Do be quiet.
Let him alone,
he's come to see me.
Oh-oh!
That's it, do your duty.
He's... My goodness how nice!
How handsome, how very...
You wouldn't say
that if you knew!
- Shhhhhhhh.
- She wouldn't!
- Filthy little...
- Shhhhh. Shhhhh!
I don't want
to think about that.
He came back,
He never loved me,
He never loved us, but
He came back.
Let him alone.
He's so young.
Yes...
Well, this is how he
looked when he went away,
Took his life and
one bag and went off.
No?
You wore that coat
the day you left.
I thought I told you
to get a hair cut!
Yes, yes, he did,
he wore that coat.
"I'm leaving!" he said,
And he took one bag.
And his life.
He went away from me? Why?
Maybe you changed,
They say you changed,
I haven't noticed.
- He comes back?
He comes back to me,
To me? I let him?
Sure.
We have a heart attack,
They tell him, he comes back.
Twenty plus years?
That's a long enough
sulk-on both sides.
He didn't come back
when his father died.
Of course not!
But he came to me.
They call me up,
They tell me
he's coming to see me,
They say he's going to call.
He calls.
I hear his voice
and it all floods back.
But, I'm formal.
"Well, hello there," I say.
"Hello there to you," he says.
Nothing about this
shouldn't have happened.
Nothing about 'I've missed
you, '
Not even that little lie.
Sis is visiting,
She's lying drunk
and passed out upstairs
And not even that little lie.
'I thought I'd come over.'
'yes, you do that.'
He comes.
We look at each other
And we both... Hold in
Whatever we've been holding in
Since that day he went away.
"You're looking well," he says.
You, too, I say.
And there are no apologies,
no recriminations,
No tears, no hugs...
Dry lips on my
dry cheeks, yes that.
And we never discuss it?
Never go into why?
Never go beyond where we are?
We're strangers, we're
Curious about each other,
We leave it at that.
I'll never forgive him.
No, I never do.
But we play the game.
We dine, he takes me places...
Mother, son going
to formal places.
We never reminisce.
Eventually he lets me talk about
When he was a little boy, but
He never has an opinion on that,
He doesn't seem to have an
opinion on much of anything
That has to do with us, with me.
- Never!
- Or with you.
Or you.
Did we...
Did we drive him away?
- Did I change so?
- He left!!
He packed up his
attitudes and he left!!
And I never want
to see him again!
Go away!!
Well, yes...
You do, you see.
You do want to see him again.
Wait twenty years. Be alone!
Except for her upstairs
passed out on the floor,
And the piano top with the
photos in the silver frames,
And the butler, and...
You do want to see him again,
But the terms are too hard.
We never forgive him.
We let him come,
But we never forgive him.
Ahh!
I bet you don't know that?!
Do you?
How did we change?
How did I change?
Don't bother yourself.
He never belonged!
- I don't believe it!
- Let it alone!
No! How did I change?!
What happened to me?!
Oh, god.
How did I change?!
She wants
to know how she changed.
She wants to know how
she turned into me.
Next, she'll want to know
how I turned into her.
No, I'll want to know that,
Maybe I'll want to know that.
- Hahh!
- Maybe.
You want to know how I changed?
I don't know. Do I?
Twenty-six to fifty-two?
Double it?
Double your pleasure,
double your fun?
Try this.
Try this on for size.
They lie to you.
You're growing up
and they go out of their way
To hedge, to qualify,
To... To evade,
To avoid, to lie.
Never tell it how it is,
How it's going to be,
When a half-truth
can be got in there.
Never give the alternatives to
the 'pleasing prospects, '
The 'what you have to
look forward to.'
God, if they did,
The streets'd be littered
with adolescent corpses!
Maybe it's better they don't.
They?
They?!
Parents, teachers,
all the others.
You lie to us!
You don't tell us things change.
That prince charming has
the morals of a sewer rat,
That you're supposed to
live with that, and like it,
Or give the appearance
of liking it.
Chasing the chambermaid
into closets,
The kitchen maid
into the root cellar...
And god knows what goes on
at the stag at the club!
They probably nail the
whores to the billiard tables
For easy access.
Nobody tells you any of this!!
Poor, poor you.
The root cellar?
Hush.
No wonder one day we
come back from riding,
The horse all slathered,
Snorting,
And he takes the reins,
The groom does,
And he helps us dismount,
the groom does,
His hand touching
the back of our thigh,
And we notice,
and he notices we notice,
And we remember that
we've noticed him before,
Most especially bare
chested that day
Heaving the straw,
Those arms,
That butt.
No wonder we smile in that
way he understands so quickly,
And no wonder he leads us
into a further stall,
Into the fucking hay,
for god's sake!
And down we go!
And it's revenge and
self-pity we're doing it for,
Until we notice it turning into
Pleasure for its own sake,
For our own sake,
And we're dripping wet
And he rides us like
we've seen in the pornos
And we actually scream!!
And then we lie
there in the straw,
Which probably has shit on it,
Cooling down..
And he tells us he's
wanted us a lot,
That he likes big women,
but he didn't dare,
And will he get fired now?
And I say, 'no, no,
of course you won't!'
And for a month more
of it, I don't,
But then I do.
I do have him fired,
Because it's dangerous not to,
Because it's a good deal
I've got with the penguin,
A long-term deal in spite
of the crap he pulls,
And... You'd better
keep your nose clean...
Or polished, anyway,
For the real battles,
The penguin's other lady folk,
The real ones,
The mother who 'just doesn't
like you' for no good reason
Except her daughter hates you,
Fears you and hates you,
Envies and therefore hates you,
Dumpy, stupid,
whining little bitch!
Just doesn't like you!
Maybe in part because she senses
The old man's got
the letch for you.
And...
No girl's good
enough for the penguin,
Not her penguin!
The first two sure weren't
And this one's
not going to be either.
Try to keep on the good side of
the whole wretched family,
Stand up for your husband when
he won't do it for himself.
Watch out for all the intrigue.
Start really worrying
about your sister,
Who's really stopped
worrying about herself,
About anything.
Watch your own mother
begin to change
Even more than
you're aware you are.
And then try to raise that!!
That?!
Gets himself thrown out of
every school he can find,
Even one or two
we haven't sent him to.
Sense he hates you.
Catch him doing it
with your niece-in-law
And your nephew-in-law
the same week?!
Start reading the letters
he's getting from,
How do they call it?
Older friends?
Telling him how to outwit you,
How to survive living
with his awful family,
Tell him you'll brain him with
the fucking crystal ashtray
If he doesn't
stop getting letters,
Doesn't stop saying anything,
Doesn't stop...
Just... Doesn't stop!!
And he sneers, and
he says very quietly
That he can have me put in jail
For opening his mail.
'Not while you're a minor, '
I tell him,
'you just wait, '
I tell him, 'you just wait, '
I'll have you thrown out
of this house so quick,
It'll make your head spin!
"You're going to fire me,"
he says,
Quietly, smiling,
"you going to fire me too?"
Just like you fired him?
"He's good in bed, isn't he?"
"of course, you wouldn't
know about bed," he says.
He gets up,
Stops by me,
Touches my hair.
"I thought I saw some straw,"
he says...
"sorry."
And he walks out
of the solarium,
Out of the house,
out of our lives.
He doesn't say good-bye
to either of us.
He says good-bye
to mother, upstairs,
He says good-bye to the
pekingese, too, I imagine.
He packs one bag, and he leaves!
Get out of my house!!
Does that tell you a little
Something about change?
Does that tell you
what you want to know?
Yes.
Thank you.
You want some more?
No, thank you.
I shouldn't think so.
Yes, you do, you want more.
I said, no, thank you.
That doesn't cut
any ice around here.
How you got to her is one thing,
How you got to me
Is another.
How do you put it,
that, that thing there?
I'm sorry.
Well, maybe.
Yeah, I've got a few doubts
about that route myself.
You?!
Yeah, well.. I'm not so bad.
There's been shit, but
there've been good times, too.
- Some of the best.
- Of course,
There are always good times,
Like, um...
When we broke our back.
You break your back.
Yeah, you sure do.
- I do?
- Snap!
Well, not exactly.
Snap! Really!
I should know, it was
only ten years ago, and...
Riding..
Yes, jumping.
We never liked jumping-hunters.
Saddle horses, yes,
Hunters, no.
Brutes, every one of them,
brutes or hysterics,
But hunters it was, that day,
Entertaining some damn fools.
Brisk,
Burned leaves in the air,
Smell of burning,
Just dawn,
Mist on the ground,
Dawn all green and yellow.
We didn't like
our mount, did we?
- No.
- No, I didn't like her,
She was hysteric and a brute.
When do I learn to ride?
I mean really ride.
It goes with the marriage.
Yes, I didn't trust her,
I'd ridden her
earlier that fall,
She was stupid and cantankerous,
Shied at a moving shadow.
I said to him, "you go on,
I'll stay, you go on."
- Yes.
- But he looked so hurt.
I said, "oh, all right."
And off we went,
Into the wood,
the green, the gold,
The mist knee high to a...
To your knees!
Stupid cow of a horse!
Couldn't she see the
fence in the mist?
Did she come on it too fast
And shy like that?
Over we went!
Over we went.
Oh, no!
Could have broken
my neck, I suppose. Lucky.
Well, yes, there is that.
We never mounted a
hunter again, did we?
Nope.
Damned cast weighed a ton!
And you know what
I thought about most?
Who he's doing it with?
Who's he got cornered
in what corner,
What hallway?
Who he's poking
his little dick into?
That he might leave us.
That he might decide
to get one isn't broken.
What kind of man is this?!
Man-man.
Manman.
How was this happy time?
Good times, you said?
Oh, well, we
proved we were human.
No?
Of course.
We were fallible.
Once you fall,
Whether you get up
or not, once you fall,
And they see it,
They know you can be pushed.
Whether you're made of crockery
and you smash into pieces,
Or you're bronze and
you clang when you topple,
It makes no never mind,
It's the plinth is important.
To translate...
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
To translate...
You can go around
fixing the world,
Patching everything up, everyone
And they're grateful to you,
Grudgingly, but grateful,
But once you fall yourself,
Prove you're not quite
as much better than they are
Than they thought, then they'll
let you go right on
Doing everything for them,
fixing the world et cetera,
But they won't
hate you quite so much,
Because you're not perfect.
And so everything's better.
Nice and better.
Doesn't that make
it a good time?
He doesn't leave you
for something else,
He's sweet and he gives
you a big diamond ring,
And you don't have to get
back up on a hunter anymore.
Doesn't that make
it a happy time?
Do I get to shoot the horse?
I beg your pardon?!
- Whoooo!
- Alb:
Never occurred to me!
Whoo-hoo!
I'll never
become you, either of you.
Oh, stop!
And the great ring,
the big diamond,
You don't wear it anymore?
Gone.
Oh?
I sold it.
Oh?
I've sold everything.
Well, not everything...
But most.
Money doesn't go
as far these days?
Money doesn't go anywhere!
I have no money.
I have money, but
I eat into it...
Every year,
Every year, it's less.
We should cut back, we should...
Don't talk to me
about cutting back!
It's all paste! It's fake!
All the jewelry sitting
in the vault, in the bank?
It's all fake!
Why is it there?
Why do you... Why do we bother?
Huh!
Because we take it out
And we wear it?
Because the fake look
as good as the real,
Even feels the same,
And why should
anybody know our business?
No?
Appearances?
Appearances.
That which appears to be?
I mean, who are
we trying to impress?
Ourselves.
You'll learn.
I took the big diamond in.
When we bought it, when he
brought it in for me,
He said...
This is a perfect stone,
I've never seen a better one.
You ever want to sell this
you bring it back to me,
I'll give you better
than you paid for it.
He patted my hand.
Pat-pat.
Pat-pat.
And so I took it back,
After he died,
after the cancer and all,
After all that.
They looked at it,
they said it was...
Deeply flawed,
Or it was cloudy...
Or something.
Sons of bitches!
They offered me a third of
what he paid for it,
And the dollar wasn't worth
half of what it had been.
Didn't you sue?
I mean, what can we do?
We just can't...
what can you do?
There's nothing you can do.
You go on, you...
Eat into yourself.
Starving people absorb
their own bodies.
The money's there, the
investments are there,
Except less each year,
It absorbs itself.
It's all you've planned to
count on, isn't it?
The extras?
The big diamond day...
The big diamond
and most of the rest.
Well, what does it matter?
It's all glitter.
No!
It's more than that!
It's tangible proof
That we're valuable...
that we're valued.
Well, it's gone,
All the glitter's gone.
Yup. Bye.
Are there any other surprises?
Oh, yeah, lots!
Oh, my dear, you just wait.
She...
Hides the money.
Whatever she gets for the
jewelry, she keeps in cash,
And spends a little
Whenever there isn't
enough of the regular.
There's a lot,
she can't spend it all,
Without people knowing what
she's doing, I mean.
She hides it,
and then eventually
She can't remember
Where she hid it,
And she can't find it...
Ever!
And she can't tell anybody.
Is the cancer bad?
When is it good?
How bad?
Fill me in, fill me in!
Pretty terrible!
Six years, I told you that,
it takes him six years
From when he knows it,
when they tell him he has it,
To when he goes.
Prostate!
Spreads to the bladder,
Spreads to the bone,
Spreads to the brain,
And to the liver, of course,
Everything does,
the ancients knew something.
It's all right at first,
Except for the
depression, and the fear,
It's all right at first,
but then the pain comes,
Slowly, growing, and then...
Then the day he
screams in the bathroom,
And I rush in, I expect
to see him lying there, but...
No, he's standing at the toilet,
And his face is
filled with horror,
And he points to
the bowl, and I look,
And it's all pink in there,
That the blood is
coming with the urine now.
And it's all downhill from
there: The pink becomes red,
And then there's blood
in the bed, at night,
As I'm lying with him,
holding him..
And then there's...
No!
Why go on with it?
It's terrible!
And there's nothing you can do
To prepare yourself!
I don't like you,
you deserve it!
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I don't like you either.
And so it goes.
I had a premonition.
I know you say
there's no such thing,
But I had one. It was...
I died.
Oh, stop it!
You don't think I'm going to?
You can hardly wait!
Just you wait!
I died, you see,
And when I did it, when I died,
I was all alone.
No one there in the room
with me, the hospital room,
I was back in that
awful hospital!
Why didn't
you take me out of there?
Why did you leave me in that...
don't you touch me!!
There I was.
And I was in a coma,
In and out, in and out.
Sometimes I'd wake up and wonder
who I was, and where I was,
Who were all those
people looking at me?
Sometimes I wouldn't wake up,
not all the way,
And I'd half try,
And then I wouldn't.
You brought me flowers,
You brought freesia.
You know I love freesia,
That's why you bring them to me,
Because I love them!
Why do you do that?!
You hate me,
Why do you do that?!
What do you want?!
You want something.
Well, you just wait.
You'll get what's coming to you.
In my... Premonition,
I knew I was dead,
And it didn't seem
to matter any,
And I was all alone.
No one there
with me and I was dead!
No one!
Just the chauffeur and the maid.
I was there an hour,
and I was dead!
And then you came in,
And you had your flowers,
your freesia.
You came into the room,
And they were there,
and I was dead,
And you stopped at
the door of the room,
And you knew right away,
And you stopped..
And you...
Thought!
I watched you...
Think!
And your face didn't change.
Why didn't
your face ever change?
And there you were, and you
thought, and you decided,
And you walked over to the bed,
And you touched my hand,
And you bent down,
And you kissed me
On the forehead...
For them!
They were there
and they were watching
And you kissed me for them!
And then you stood up,
Still holding on
to my hand, as if...
What? You didn't know
what to do with it?
You held on to my hand,
And my hand wasn't warm anymore,
Was it?
My hand
Was cold,
Wasn't it?
Wasn't it?!
And so it goes.
I... Will... Not... Become...
You.
I will not. I...
I deny you.
Yes?
You?!
You deny me?
Yes?
You all deny me?
Yes! You... Deny me?
And I suppose you do too.
Well.. Yes, of course.
And, of course, you deny me.
Well, that's all right.
I deny you too,
I deny you all.
I deny... You,
And I deny you,
And, of course,
I deny you!
I'm here,
And I deny you all,
I deny every one of you!
Is it like this?
What about the happy times?
The happiest moments?
I haven't had them yet, have I?
All done at twenty-six?
I can't imagine that.
I had some, of course,
Some of what probably
will be the happiest,
Even when I get to the
point I can begin to think about
Looking back without
feeling silly.
Though god knows
when that will be!
Not feeling silly,
If ever.
Confirmation,
For example,
That wonderful time.
The white dress mother made,
Sis all jealous and excited,
Jumping up and down and
sulking at the same time.
But even now, you see,
I'm remembering,
And what I'm remembering doesn't
have to do with what I felt,
But what I remember.
They say you can't
remember pain.
Well, maybe you can't
remember pleasure, either,
In the same way,
I mean, in the way
You can't remember pain.
Maybe all you can remember
is the memory of it...
Remembering, remembering it.
I know my best times,
what is it?
Happiest?
Haven't happened yet.
They're to come.
Aren't they?
Please?
And... And whatever evil comes,
Whatever loss and
taking away comes,
Won't it all be balanced out?
Please?
I'm not fool, but there is a
lot of happiness along the way.
Isn't there?!
And isn't it always ahead?
Aren't I right?
Aren't I?
I mean, all along the way?
No?...Please?!
Silly, silly girl,
Silly baby.
The happiest time?
Now,
Now.
Always.
This must be the happiest time.
Half of being adult done,
The rest ahead of me.
Old enough to be a little wise,
Past being really dumb...
No offense.
None taken.
Enough shit gone
through to have a sense
Of the shit that's ahead,
But way past
sitting and playing in it.
This has to be
the happiest time,
In theory, anyway.
Things nibble away, of course,
Your job is to know that, too.
The wood may be
rotten under your feet,
Your nicely spread legs,
And you'll be up to your
ass in sawdust and dry rot
Before you know it,
before you know it,
Before you can say,
This is the happiest time.
Well, I can live with that,
Die with that.
I mean, these things happen,
But what I like most
about being where I am,
And fifty is a peak,
In the sense of a mountain.
Fifty-two.
Ha!
Yes, I know, thank you.
What I like most
about being where I am,
Is that there's a lot I don't
have to go through anymore,
And that doesn't mean closing
down for me, at any rate.
It opens up whole vistas
Of... Decline,
Of obsolescence,
Peculiarity,
But really interesting!
Standing up here right
on top of the middle of it,
Has to be the happiest time.
I mean, it's the
only time you get a
360-degree view,
See in all directions.
Wow!
What a view!
You're both such children.
The happiest moment...
The happiest moment of all?
Really?
Coming to the
end of it, I think,
When all the waves
cause the greatest woes...
To subside,
leaving breathing space,
Time to concentrate on
the greatest woe of all,
That blessed one,
The end of it.
Going through the whole
thing and coming out...
Not out beyond it, of course,
but, but sort of...
Sort of to one side.
None of that
"further shore" nonsense,
But to the point where
you can think about yourself
In the third person
without being crazy.
I've waked up in the
morning, and I've thought,
Well, now, she's waking up,
And now she's
going to see what works...
The eyes, for example.
Can she see?
She can?
Well, good, I suppose,
So much for that.
And now she's going
to test all the other stuff,
The joints, the... Uhm,
Inside of the mouth,
And now
She's going to have to pee.
What's she going to do?
Go for the walker?
Lurch from chair to chair,
pillar to post?
Is she going to
call for somebody?
Aaanyyybodyyy...
The tiniest thought
there might be nobody there,
That she's not making a sound,
That maybe she's not alive,
So's anybody'd notice, that is?
I can do that.
I can think about
myself that way,
Which means, I suppose,
That that's the way I'm living,
Beside myself, to one side.
Is that what they mean by that?
I'm beside myself?
No, I don't think so.
I think they're talking
about another kind of joy.
There's a difference
Between
Knowing you're going to die and
Knowing...
You're going to die.
The second is better,
It moves away
from the theoretical.
- I'm rambling, aren't I?
- A little.
Well, we do that at ninety,
or whatever I'm supposed to be.
I mean, give a girl a break!
Sometimes, when I do that,
when I wake up,
Start thinking about
myself like that,
Like I was watching,
I really get the feeling
that I am dead, but
Going on at the same time,
And I wonder if she can
Talk and feel and...
And then I wonder
Which has died,
me, or the one I think about?
It's a fairly
confusing business.
I'm rambling. Yes, I know!
I was...
I was talking about...
Au! Au...
What?!
Coming to the end of it!
Yes. So.
There it is.
You asked after all.
That's the happiest moment.
When it's all done.
When we stop.
When we can stop.
I'm ninety-one.
Is that so?
Yes.
You're ninety-two.
Be that as it may.
- Is that so?
- It says so here.
Well... What does it matter?
Vanity is amazing.
So's forgetting.
I'm ninety-one.
Ok.
You're ninety-two.
Oh, let it alone.
- No! It's important.
- It doesn't matter!
It does to me.
I know,
Because he says,
"you're exactly thirty years
older than I am,"
I know how old I am because
I know how old you are,
And if you ever forget
how old you are
"Ask me how old I am,
and then you'll know."
Oh, he's said that a lot.
What if he's wrong?
What?
Let it be.
What if he's wrong?
What if he's not
Thirty years younger than you?
You'd think
he'd know how old he is!
No, I mean, what if he's wrong
About how old you are.
Don't be silly.
How couldn't he be
Thirty years younger than me
When I'm thirty years
older than he is?
He's said it over and over.
Every time he comes to see me.
What is today?
It's Thursday!
You see?!
Well, one of you might be
wrong, and it might not be him.
- He.
- Yes, I know.
Don't be stupid.
What is it? What day is it?
It's Thursday!
- No.
- No what?
No it isn't.
Ok.
What day do you think it is?
What day do I...?
What day is...?
Well... It's today, of course!
What day do you think it is?!
Right on, girl!
What an answer!
What a dumb...
Don't you talk to me that way!
Well, I'm sorry!
I pay you, don't I?
You can't talk to me that way.
In a way.
What?!
Indirectly. You pay
someone who pays me.
- Someone who...
- Well, there, you see?
You can't talk to me that way.
She isn't talking
to you that way.
What?
She isn't talking
to you that way.
I don't know
what you're talking about.
Besides..
There.
Feel better?
Honestly.
A good cry lets it all out.
What does a bad one do?
Sometimes you're so...
What?!
Never mind.
I was going to say something
nice. Never mind.
What did she say?
She mumbles all the time.
I don't mumble!
Never mind!
How is anybody expected
to hear what she says?
She didn't finish her sentence.
It doesn't matter.
I'll bet it doesn't.
What I meant was
You may have been incorrect
about your age for so long,
May have made up the fiction
so many years ago,
Though why anyone would
lie about one year.
Let her alone, let her
have it if she wants to.
- I will not.
- Have what?
Why you would lie
about one year?
I can imagine taking
off ten or trying to.
Though more probably
five or seven,
Good and tricky... but one!
Taking off one year?
What kind of vanity is that?
How you go on.
How you go on.
How I go on.
So, I can understand
Ten, or five, or seven,
but not one.
How you do.
How you do.
How what?
How she goes on.
Yes! How you go on!
Yes, I do.
I want to go.
On?
I want to go.
I want to go.
You want to go?
You want the pan?
Is it number one?
Do you want the pan?
No, no, noooo!
Ah. All right.
Can you walk?
I don't know!
Well, we'll try you.
Ok? You want the walker?
I want to walk!
I don't know! Anything!
I have to go!
All right!
You're hurting me!!
You're hurting me!!
All right, I'm being careful!
- No, you're not!!
- Yes, I am!
- No, you're not!!
- Yes, I am.
No, you're not!
You're trying to hurt me,
you know how I hurt!!
Hold the fort.
I will.
I will hold the fort.
I suppose one could
lie about one year,
Some kind of one-upmanship,
A private vengeance, perhaps,
Some tiny victory, maybe.
I don't know,
Maybe these things
get important.
Why can't I be nice?
Made it that time.
And... So it goes.
Not always, eh?
In the morning, when
she wakes up, she wets.
A kind of greeting
to the day, I suppose.
The sphincter and
the cortex not in sync.
Never during the night,
But as she wakes.
Good morning to the morning, eh?
Something to something.
Put a diaper on her.
She won't have it.
I'm working on it,
but she won't have it.
Rubber sheet?
Won't have it. Get her up,
Put her in the chair
and she does the other.
- Give her a cup of coffee...
- Black.
Half cream and all that sugar!
Three spoons! How has
she lived this long?
Give her a cup of coffee,
put her in her chair,
Give her a cup of coffee and...
Place your bets.
What chair? This chair?
You got it.
Don't worry.
It must be awful.
For whom?
For her!
You're paid.
It's probably awful for
you, too, but you're paid.
As she never
ceases to inform me...
And you.
To begin to lose it,
I mean the control,
- The loss of dignity, the...
- Oh, stop it!
It's downhill from sixteen on!
- For all of us!
- Yes, but...
What are you, twenty-something?
Haven't you figured it out yet?
You take the breath in...
You let it out.
The first one you take in,
you're upside down
And they slap you into it.
The last one, well, the last one
You let it all out
and that's it.
You start and then you stop.
Don't be so soft.
I'd like to see children learn
it, have a six-year-old say,
"I'm dying" and
know what it means.
- You're horrible!
- Grow up!
Do you know it? Do you
know you're dying?
- Well, of course, but...
- Grow up.
A person could die
in there and nobody'd care.
- Done already?!
- A person could die!
A person could fall down
and break something!
A person could die!
Nobody would care!
- Let me help you.
- Get your hands off me!
A person could die for
all anybody'd care.
Who is this person?
A person could do this, a person
could do... It's a figure of speech.
No. Really?
So they tell me.
Hold on to me! Do you want me
to fall?! You want me to fall!
Yes, I want you to fall,
I want you to fall
and shatter in ten pieces.
Or five, or seven.
Where's my chair?
Where's my chair gone to?
Goodness, where's
her chair gone to?!
Somebody's taken her chair!
What?!
Who's got my chair?
I'm sorry!...Your majesty!
There's your chair.
Do you want your pillow?
Shall I get you your pillow?
Fetch her pillow.
I want to sit down.
Yes, yes. Here we go.
Which pillow?
Are you comfortable?
Do you want your pillow?
Of course I'm not comfortable,
Of course I want my pillow!
- I don't know which one!
- It's two, actually,
One for the back and
this one for the arm.
Here we are, lean forward.
That's a girl.
My arm! My arm!
Where's the pillow?
Here we go.
All comfy?
All comfy?
What?
Nothing.
- And so it goes?
- Uh-huh.
What a production.
- You haven't seen anything.
- I bet!
You can't just leave
me in there like that.
What if I fell? What if I died?
Well, if you fell
I'd either hear you
or you'd raise a racket,
And if you died...
What would it matter?
You say that again!
Alb:
What's the matter with you?
Who? Me?
Yes, you.
What's the matter with me?
That's what she said.
That's what I said.
What are you
all doing-ganging up on me?
Is that what we're doing?
Maaaybeee!
There's nothing
the matter with me.
Well, you just wait.
Wha-what, what did she say?
She says there's nothing
the matter with her,
Miss perfect over there.
I didn't say that,
that's not what I...
Wh-wh-why is she yelling at me?
- She's not.
- I'm not!
- Now you are.
- You see?!
What it is, what day is it?
It's Thursday.
Will he come today?
Is today the day he comes?
No, not today.
Why not?
Oh, he probably has
something else to do,
He probably has a full schedule.
He never comes to see me,
And when he does he never stays.
I'll fix him,
I'll fix all of 'em.
They all think they
can treat me like this.
You all think you can
get away with anything.
I'll fix you all.
Is it always like this?
No... It's often
very pleasant.
Huh!
You all want something,
There's nobody doesn't
want something.
My mother taught me that,
Be careful, she said,
they all want something,
She taught me what to expect,
Me and my sister.
She prepared us...
And somebody had to!
I mean, we were girls
and that was way back then,
It was different then.
We didn't have a lot,
and being a girl...
Wasn't easy.
We knew we'd have
to make our own way,
And being a girl back then...
Why am I talking about this?!
Because you want to.
That's right.
She tried to prepare us...
For going out in the world,
For men,
For making our own way.
Sis couldn't do it,
That's too bad.
I could!
I did!
I met him at a party and
he said he'd seen me before.
He'd been married twice...
The first one was a whore,
The second one was a drunk.
He... He was funny!
He said, 'let's go
riding in the park!'
And I said, 'all right!'
Scared to death.
I lied, I said I rode.
He didn't care, he wanted me,
I could tell that.
It only took six weeks.
Good girl!
We had horses
when we were married,
We had a stable,
We had saddle horses, we rode.
Hoity-toity.
I learned to ride
and I was very good.
- I'm sure!
- How are you sure?
- Shhhhhhh.
- I rode sidesaddle
And I rode astride,
And I drove ponies... hackneys
And I loved it all.
He would go with me and we
would ride every morning,
And the dalmatian would go
with us... What was her name?
Suzie!
No.
We had good horses
and we showed them,
And we won all the ribbons,
And we kept them in a
big case down in... In
Down in, in the...
No, that was the other house.
We kept them.
And, and cups.
All the silver cups we won,
And bowls, and platters.
We knew all the judges
But that's not why we would win.
We won because we were the best.
- Of course.
- Be decent.
Oh, she'll learn.
We had horses!
I knew all the judges,
And I'd go in the ring when
we were in the championships,
And I'd sit there
and I'd watch the horses,
I never rode when we were
in the championships.
Earl did that.
He was our rider.
I would sit there and
watch with the judges.
They all knew me,
we were famous,
We had a famous stable.
And when the judging was done
They'd tell me if we'd won,
And we almost always did,
And if they told me, and they
almost always did,
I'd signal.
I'd take my hat off
and I'd touch my hair
And that way they'd
know we'd won.
Who?
Everyone in our box!!
Oh, I used to love it,
Riding in the morning,
Going to the stable in the
station wagon in my coat
And jodhpurs and my
derby, and petting...
Oh, what was her name?
The dalmatian?
Suzie, I-I think...
No, no...
And mounting and riding off.
Sometimes he came with me
And sometimes he didn't.
Sometimes I went off alone.
Who?
Her husband, most likely.
Did you ride when
you were little?
No. We were poor.
Poor? Really?...Poor?
Well, no, not really poor,
My father was an architect,
He designed furniture,
he made it.
That's not an architect, that's...
Let it be.
He made such
beautiful furniture,
He was an architect.
Strict, but fair.
No...
No, that was our mother
who was strict.
No, they were both strict.
And fair.
Now, now.
I don't know what I'm saying!
What am I saying?
You're talking about horses,
You were talking about
riding, and we asked:
When you were a little girl...
We never rode,
The neighbors had a horse
But we never rode it.
I don't think my
sister ever rode.
But I can't swim.
She drank.
When she was a little girl?
Oh, please!
What are we talking about?
Horses.
You didn't ride when
you were a little girl.
Oh, no...
You rode if you were a farmer,
Or if you were rich.
Or if you were a rich farmer.
Shhhhhhh.
Ah... She'll learn.
Won't you?
Well, I dare say.
I wasn't rich until
I got married,
And I wasn't really
right then 'til later.
It all adds up.
We had saddle horses, we rode.
I learned to ride
and I was very good.
I rode sidesaddle
and I rode astride,
And I drove ponies-hackneys...
- And you loved it all.
- Shhhhhhh!
And I what?
- You loved it all!
- You loved it all.
I did?
So you say.
Well, then, it must be true.
I didn't like sex much,
but I had an affair.
Oh?
What?! What do you want?!
She doesn't want anything.
We used to ride.
He would go with me,
Not all the time.
Sometimes I went off alone,
Or with the dog, part way,
Never too far from the stable,
She had a cat
she was in love with.
She'd go back, but I'd go on.
I had my jodhpurs and my coat
And my switch
And my derby hat.
I always rode in all my costume.
Never go out, except
you're properly dressed,
I always say.
I'd drive in the station
wagon from the house,
I loved to drive!
I was good at it.
I was good at everything,
I had to be, he wasn't.
I'd drive in the station
wagon to the stable,
And earl would be there,
Or one of the stable boys...
Tom...
Or...
Or...
Bradley.
Am I doing in my panties?
Well, let's see.
Upseedaisy!
Nope, but I bet you're going to.
Off you go.
Hold the fort?
Why am I doing this?
Because it's unnecessary?
Because I've already done it?
The princess and the pea, maybe?
What's wrong with her arm?
She fell and broke it.
It didn't heal.
Mostly they don't at that age.
They put pins in it, metal pins,
Bone disintegrates
around the pins
And the arm just hangs there.
- They want to take it off.
- What?!
The arm, they want
to take the arm off.
- No!
- She won't let them.
- I shouldn't think so.
- It hurts!
Still...
What do you know?
She makes us go into the city
once a week to see the surgeon,
The one who set it,
The one who wants
to take it off.
God, he's almost
as old as she is!
She trusts him, she says.
She goes in once a week,
And she makes them x-ray it,
and look at it,
And each time the
pins are looser,
And the bone is gone more,
And she tells the old
guy, the surgeon,
It's so much better,
And she wants him to
agree, and he waffles,
And he looks at me
and I'm no help,
And she makes him promise that
he'll never take the arm off,
And won't let anyone
else do it either,
And he promises...
Assuming she'll forget?
Probably, but she won't.
There are some things
she never forgets.
He promised me,
you were there, you heard him.
I think she says that
every other day:
He promised me,
you were there, you heard him.
Oh, god!
Now, why did you do that?!
You naughty, naughty girl!
Bad, bad girl!
What do I have to do-take
everything away from you? Huh?!
I broke the glass!
I took the glass
And I threw it down in the sink!
I broke the glass and now
She has to clean it up!
Bad girl!
I broke the glass!
I broke the glass!
I have to sit down!
I can't sit down by myself!
Why won't somebody help me?!
All right, now!
Jesus!
You're a big help.
I didn't know
I was supposed to be.
Just here from the lawyer, eh?
Yes, just here from the lawyer.
What?
What did you say?
I said... well,
What I implied was, since
she's here from the lawyer,
Why should she behave
like a human being,
Why should she be any help,
- Why should she...
- You're from harry?
No, harry's dead,
harry's been dead for years.
Harry's dead?
When did harry die?
Thirty years ago!
Well, I knew that.
What are you talking
about harry for?
You asked if I'd come
from harry, you asked...
I wouldn't do
anything that stupid.
And so it goes.
Harry used to be my lawyer,
But that was years ago.
Harry died, what?
Thirty years ago, harry died.
Now his son's the lawyer.
I go to him, well...
He comes to me,
Sometimes I go to him.
Yes, you do. And yes he does.
Why are you here?
Some things have been...
Misplaced,
Aren't being done.
Some things...
somebody's stealing things?!!
No no no no.
We send you papers to sign
and you don't sign them,
We call you and you
don't call back,
We send you checks to sign
and you don't sign them,
Things like that.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
- Well...
- None of it's true!
You're lying!
Get harry on the phone!
- Harry is...
- Excuse me?
The "I'll get to it" pile?
What?!
The "I'll get to it" pile?
I don't know what
you're talking about.
- Papers? Checks?
- Ooh, lots of stuff.
- There's nothing!
- What is there? What is it?
You have a drawer full,
The bills come
and you look at them,
And some of them you send on
and they get paid,
And some of them you say
you can't remember
- So you don't send them, and...
- Why would I send in a bill
For something I never ordered?
And they send you
your checks to sign?
To pay bills? And
some of them you sign,
Because you remember
what they were for,
But some of them, some of the
checks, you can't remember?
I what?!
You don't remember
what they're for
So you don't sign them and
you put them in the drawer.
So?
These things pile up.
I see, I see.
Everybody out there's
ready to rob me blind.
I'm not made of money, you know.
Yes, you are.
- Isn't she?
- More or less.
They'd steal you blind
If you didn't pay attention:
The help, the stores,
the markets,
That little jew makes my
furs... What's her name?
Aw, she's nice.
They all rob you blind
If you so much as
turn your back on them.
All of them!
We've asked you:
Let all your bills come to us,
We'll know what to do,
Let me bring you
your checks every month,
I'll stay here while you
sign them. Whatever you like.
None of you think I can
handle my own affairs?
I've done it for...
When he was so sick
I did it all,
I did all the bills,
I did all the checks,
I did everything.
But now you don't have to.
I didn't have to then,
I wanted to.
I wanted everything to be right,
And I do now, I still do!
- Well, of course you do.
- Of course you do.
And so I'll handle my own
affairs, thank you.
Well, certainly.
And I'll watch you
pretend to handle them.
And I watch you,
Every one of you!
I used to love horses.
It's just people you don't like.
Oh? Is that it?
We rode western saddle, too.
It was when he almost
died the first time,
The first time I was with him.
He had a blood infection.
He was hunting,
They were all hunting,
And a gun went off and it
Hit him in the arm,
the shoulder.
Oh my god!
They shot him in the shoulder,
And they didn't get
all the bullet out,
And it got infected
And his arm swelled
up like a balloon
And they lanced it and it burst
- And there was pus all over...
- Stop!
- Why? What's it to you?
- And they put drains in it
And there weren't
any medicines then...
- No antibiotics, you mean.
- What?
- No antibiotics!
- Yes,
And it wouldn't go away
and it would get worse,
And everybody said
he was going to die,
But I wouldn't let him!
I said, 'no!
He is not going to die!'
I told that to the doctors,
And I told him that, too,
And he said all right,
he would try,
If I would sleep with him,
If I wouldn't leave him
alone at night,
Be next to him, and I did.
And it smelled so awful,
- The pus, the rot, the...
- Don't! Please!
And they said
take him to the desert,
Bake his arm in the hot sun,
And so we went there,
we went to arizona,
And he sat in the
baking sun all day.
His arm oozing and stinking,
And splitting and... And...
And in six months it went away
And his arm went down in size
And there was no more pus
And he was saved,
Except for the scars,
All the scars,
And I learned
to ride western saddle.
My, my.
And it was outside of
phoenix, camelback mountain,
We used to ride out
into the desert.
And the movie star was there,
The one who married
the young fellow
Who ran the studio,
She had eyes of a
different color.
She had what?
She had eyes of
a different color.
One eye was blue, or something,
And the other one
was green, I think.
Who was this?
Oh, she was a big star,
She was tiny and she
had a very big head.
I think she drank too.
You think everyone drinks.
Merle oberon?
No, of course not! You know!
How long ago was this?
- Claire trevor?
- Oh... When I was there,
When we were there.
She was tiny!
She had two eyes!
- In the thirties?
- Probably.
She had a son,
She cooked an egg
on the sidewalk,
It was so hot!
He told me.
Her son told you?
No! Ours!
He was a little boy, too,
He played with all
the other children,
The chewing gum twins, that one!
That must have
been before the war.
Which one?!
Civil!
Thalberg!
That's who she married!
Arnold thalberg,
He was a real smart little jew.
All smart jews are little.
Have you noticed?
Irving, irving thalberg.
I'm a democrat,
I notice a lot of things.
Most of us are, most of us do.
But still, it's
fascinating, isn't it?
Grisly, but fascinating.
She doesn't mean anything
by it-or if she did, once,
She doesn't now.
It just falls out.
Norma shearer!
A and b:
Who?!
What's the matter
with all you people?
We're democrats.
What?
Well, you asked
what the matter was.
Don't you get fresh!
My god!
I haven't heard
that in a long time.
Don't you get fresh!
My mother would say
that to me all the time.
Don't you get fresh!
To sis and me.
She made us eat
everything she put before us,
And wash the dishes,
She made us know
what being a grown-up was.
She was strict...
But fair.
No, that was our father,
No, that was...
Both of them.
They're dead,
Sis, they're dead!
A smart little jew.
At least she didn't say kike.
She made us write
thank-you notes,
And take little gifts
whenever we went somewhere,
And made us wash everything
We wore the night we wore it,
By hand, before we went to bed.
Sometimes sis wouldn't
and I had to do hers, too.
She made us be
proper young ladies.
And go to church twice
a day? And pray a lot?
What?
Oh, yes, we went to church,
But we didn't talk
about it very much.
We took it for
granted, I suppose.
How much did you steal?
When?
Whenever.
Well...
I waited
until you were asleep...
I never sleep.
Until you were
pretending to be asleep,
And I went into
the silver closet
And I took down all
the big silver bowls,
And I stuck them up
under my skirt,
And I waddled out
into the hall...
Joke about it if you want to.
You must have looked funny!
Well, I suppose.
Waddling out like that,
You probably clanked, too.
Yes, I'm sure I did.
Clank, clank!
Alb: Clank, clank! Clank, clank!
You don't think
anything's funny, do you?
Oh, yes, I'm just
trying to decide
What I think's really the most
hilarious, unpaid bills,
Anti-semitism, senility, or...
Now, now. Play in
your own league, huh?
Well! I'm sorry!
I'll have to talk
to harry about you.
Harry's dead,
harry's been dead for years.
I know...
I know.
I don't have any
friends anymore,
Most of them are dead,
And the ones aren't
dead they're dying,
And the ones aren't
dying, have moved away
Or I don't see anymore.
Well, what does it matter?
You don't like any of
them anymore, anyway.
That's true.
But you're supposed
to like them,
To have them with you.
Isn't it a contract?
You take people as friends
and you spend time at it,
You put effort in.
And it doesn't matter if
you don't like them anymore,
Who likes anybody anymore?
You've put in all that time,
What right do they have
to... To... To...
- To die?
- What?
What right do they have to die?
No!
To not be what they were.
To change, you mean?
- Let her alone.
- No! No right!
You count on them!
And they change.
The bradleys!
The phippses!
They die, they go away.
And family dies,
family goes away.
Nobody should do this!
Look at sis!
What about her?
My sister was a drunk.
She was smarter than me...
No... Brighter,
Two years younger.
Or five, or seven.
- What?
- Nothing.
She always got better grades,
had more beaus,
When we were growing up,
only then,
She missed more boats
Than you can shake a stick at.
I've never shook
a stick at a boat.
Well, maybe
you should give it a try.
Shaken, not shook.
We came to the city together,
After she finished school,
And we had a tiny
little apartment,
And our mother and our
father came to see it,
To be sure it was all right,
not dangerous, I suppose.
It was furnished,
But he didn't like it,
So he gave us some of theirs,
Some from the garage.
He made the most
beautiful furniture.
He was an architect.
We went out all the time,
Looking for jobs,
Jobs a young lady could accept,
Being escorted out at night.
We were the same size, so we
could wear each other's clothes,
That saved money.
We had little allowance,
but a very little one,
Nothing to spoil us.
She was a little
shorter, but not much.
We kept a list so
the boys, the young men,
The...
The men, who took us out,
We went out with them
together a lot,
Wouldn't know we were
wearing each other's...
Is that what I mean?
Yes, I think so,
- Most probably.
- Keep awake.
"No, no, I wore that at
the plaza, don't you remember?
You'd better wear the beads."
We had a regular list.
We had big feet.
- What?!
- They had big feet.
We had big feet.
I still do... I guess.
Do I still have big feet?
Yes, yes, you do.
Well, I'd never know.
I think we liked each other.
We used to confide a lot,
And laugh, and...
Mother would made us write
Twice a week or call, later.
We tried sending
letters together,
One letter together, but
She'd make us send two,
Each of us one.
They had to be newsy, and long,
And she'd send them back
to us with things like,
Uhm... Uhm...
'that's not true, '
or
'don't abbreviate, '
Or 'your sister said
the same thing, '
If she didn't like them.
Or spelling. Sis couldn't spell.
She drank.
Your mother?
What? No, of course not.
My sister!
Of course.
- Even then?
- When?
When you...
When you first came to the city.
No, of course not!
Later.
Well, we'd have champagne
when we went out,
Before the speakeasies.
We would drink champagne,
Nibble on candied orange rind.
He brings me some,
sometimes, when he comes.
Or flowers-freesia,
when they're in season.
It's the least he can do.
And he knows it!
Who? Who is this?
Shhhhhhh.
Her son.
We'd go out, but we didn't
take each other's boyfriends.
She was prim, I liked... Uhm,
Wilder men, I suppose.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Why? Don't you?
We never liked
the same boys... Men.
I don't think she
liked men very much.
Well, I know she didn't.
We had to make her get married,
when she was
Almost forty,
get someone for her!
I don't think she wanted him,
he was a wop.
I don't believe it sometimes.
Why not?
Wop, nigger, kike?
I told you,
it doesn't mean anything.
It's the way she learned things.
From these strict
but fair parents?!
I have jewish friends,
And I have irish friends,
And I have south american
friends... I did!
Not puerto rican, or like that,
But venezuelan, and cuban.
Oh, we loved to go to havana.
- Another world, eh?
- Uh-huh.
I've never known any colored...
Well, help, yes.
In pinehurst they
had colored help
And we used to visit them there.
They knew their place, they were
polite, and well behaved,
None of those uppity
niggers, the city ones.
Oh, Jesus christ!
He keeps telling me
I can't say these things.
I don't know what
things he means.
He said once, he wouldn't come
To see me anymore
If I said those things.
I don't know what
things he means.
What did he mean?
Don't worry yourself.
Your sister married an italian.
She did what?
Oooh! Oh, that was later.
I always had my eye
out for the right man.
And she didn't?
No, she always thought
everything would fall
Right into her lap.
And it did, a lot.
I had to work for everything,
nothing came my way.
I was tall and handsome,
She was tall and pretty.
Tall but shorter,
Not as tall as I am...
Was.
I've shrunk! I'm not tall!
I used to be so tall!
Why have I shrunk?!
It happens with time,
We get shorter.
It happens every day, too,
We're taller in the morning
than we are at night.
How?!
The spine compresses
as the day goes on.
I don't have one.
I used to have a spine,
I don't have one anymore!
What does she mean?
She means osteoporosis.
It hasn't happened to you yet?
You wait!
The spine collapses,
you can fracture it by
Walking, turning around...
Whatever.
I used to be tall!
I've shrunk!
I know.
He was short.
A lot of my beaus were tall,
But he was short.
Who is this?
Her husband, I think.
Oh, that's a long time ago.
Oh, I knew such tall
boys, such dancers.
Sis and I would dance all night
With all the tall boys.
Some of them were showboys,
they were fairies,
But some of them were regular.
We would dance the night away,
And sometimes I'd go off.
Naughty girl!
I was the wild one.
Sis would say to me,
'how can you do that?!'
And I'd laugh and
I'd say, 'oh, come on!'
I liked to have a good time,
But I had my eye out.
I always had my eye out.
If I don't have
my eye out, who will?
I've always had
to be on my toes,
Them sneaking around,
Stealing and conniving.
If I didn't keep my eye out,
We wouldn't have had anything.
His sister!
That one she married?
The first one!
The dumpy little... Agh,
Dentist was he?
What did he know about
running an office?
What did he know
about handling money?
Enough to steal!
Enough to line his own pockets.
And of course the old man
Kept his head turned
The other way because the...,
What's his name, the dentist
Was married to his
precious daughter!
Oh that one!
Whining and finagling,
Wrapping him around
her little finger!
I had to stay one step ahead
Of all of them!
I fixed 'em!
Did you?
What?
Did you fix them?
Who? Wha-wha-,
what are you talking about?
The ones you fixed!
How do I know?
I don't know what
you're talking about!
Fix who?
I don't know.
The ones who were
robbing you blind!
Yes, those.
Everybody's robbing me,
right and left.
Everybody steals.
Everybody steals something.
Including me? Do I steal?
I don't know.
How would I know?
He says I should
have more money.
Doesn't your office...?
We deal with what comes in.
There's more than one
handles her money.
There's plenty of chance,
if anyone wanted to.
Sis used to envy
me after I married.
She never did well.
I always had my eye out.
You use all your income,
as far as I can see.
Well, why not? It's mine!
Well, just don't complain.
If you wanted an increase in
principal, you'd have to...
I don't complain.
I never complain!
I have you, and I have her,
And I have the chauffeur,
And I have this place here,
And I have to look pretty,
And sometimes I have the nurses,
though they're black.
Why is that?
And I have all those things...
- I have the cook, I have the...
- I know, I know.
They all steal,
every one of them.
Ah, well.
Sis didn't have her eye out,
Not like I did.
I married him.
He was short,
He had one eye,
One was glass,
A golf ball hit him there,
they took it out,
He had a glass one.
Which eye?
Oh, come on!
No, I want to know. Which eye?
Which eye was glass?
Which eye was...?
Well, I-I don't...
I... Can't remember.
I don't know which
eye was the glass one!
I... Can't... Remember.
I... Can't... Remember!
Now, now, now, now.
I can't remember!
Get your hands off me!
How dare you!
Sorry, sorry.
Why can't I remember anything?!
I think...
You remember everything,
I think you just can't bring
it to mind all the time.
Yes? Is that it?
Of course!
I remember eve-everything?
Somewhere in there.
My gracious! My gracious!
I remember everything!
Gracious.
That must be a burden.
Be nice.
Isn't salvation in forgetting?
Lethe, and all?
- Who?
- No one.
Lethe.
I don't know her.
Well, maybe I do,
I just don't have it right now.
- Is that right?
- That's right.
I loved my husband.
I bet you did.
He gave me pretty things,
he gave me jewelry.
Them's pretty.
My god, he said,
you're so big, so tall,
You'll cost me a fortune!
I can't give you little things.
And he couldn't.
I liked pearls
and diamonds best.
No kidding!
Oh, hush!
I had my pearls,
And I had some bracelets,
And he wanted me
to have another,
He'd found one
without telling me.
He wore wide bracelets
back then...
Diamond ones-wide, this wide.
Flat and wide,
The stones in designs,
Very... Uhm... Oh... What?
- Very what?
- Ornate!
Yes! Ornate and wide.
We'd been out,
I'll never forget it,
I'll never forget this,
we'd been to a party,
And we'd had champagne,
And we were... What?
Tipsy? A little, I suppose.
And we came home and we
were on the way to bed.
We had our big bedroom and it
had its separate dressing rooms,
And, you know,
its separate bathrooms,
And we were... Undressing,
We were getting ready for bed.
I was at my table,
And I'd taken off my clothes,
My shoes, my dress,
My underthings,
And I was sitting there
at my dressing table
And I was...
Oh, I was... Naked,
I didn't have a stitch,
Except I had on
All my jewelry.
I hadn't taken off my jewelry.
How wonderful!
Yes! And there I was,
All naked with my pearls,
My necklace, and my bracelets,
My diamond bracelets...
Two... No, three!
Three!
And in he walked,
Naked as a jaybird!
Oh, he was funny
when he wanted to be,
We were naked a lot, early on.
Pretty early on.
All that stopped.
Where am I?
In your story?
What?
In your story.
Where are you in your story?
Yes, of course.
You're naked at your dresser,
And he walks in,
and he's naked, too.
As a jaybird, yes!
Oh, I shouldn't tell this!
Yes! Yes, you should!
- Yes!
- Yes? Yes?
Oh, well,
Oh, there I was,
And, and I was sitting there,
At my dressing table,
And I had my big powder puff,
And I was powdering myself,
And I was paying
attention to that.
I mean, I knew he was there,
but...
I wasn't paying attention.
'I have something
for you, ' he said,
I have something for you.
And I was sitting there,
And I raised my eyes
And looked in the mirror and...
No! I can't tell this!
B/c:
yes, tell us! Please tell us!
And I looked and there he was,
And...
His peepee
Was all hard,
And...
Hanging on it
was a new bracelet.
Oh, my god!
And it was on his pee-pee,
And he came close
And it was the most
Beautiful bracelet
I had ever seen!
It was diamonds,
And it was wide,
So wide and...
'I thought you might
like this, ' he said.
'Oh, my goodness, it's
so beautiful, ' I said.
'Do you want it?' he said.
'Yes, yes!' I said,
'oh, goodness, yes!'
And he came close,
And his pee-pee
Touched my shoulder,
He was short,
and I was tall, or something.
'Do you want it?' he said,
And he poked me with it,
with his pee-pee,
And I turned, and...
He had a little pee-pee.
Oh, I shouldn't say that,
That's terrible to say,
but I know.
He had a little...
You know...
And there was the
bracelet on it, and
He moved closer,
To my face,
And...
'do you want it?'
'I thought you might like it.'
And I said,
'no, I can't do that.
You know I can't do that.'
And I couldn't,
I could never do that,
And I said,
'no! I can't do that!'
And he stood there for...
Well, I don't know...
And his pee-pee got...
Well, it started to go soft,
And the bracelet slid off,
And fell into my lap.
I was naked,
Deep into my lap.
'Keep it!' he said.
And he turned,
And he walked
Out of my dressing room.
It's all right,
It's all right.
The wild one.
It's all right, it's all right.
Take me to bed, take me to bed.
Sure.
Help me.
Bed...
I wanna go to bed.
All right now, a:
We're alomost there.
I wanna go to bed!
Okay,
Here we are.
Oh-ooh.
Oh, my arm!
- My arm!
- I'm sorry!
I'm sorry.
I wanna go to bed.
Oh, oh,
Oh, oh,
Oh, oh!
Mmmhm!
Comfy?
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to...
B: It's all right.
Comfy?
Yes. Thank you.
You're welcome.
I'm not good at... All that.
You'll get there.
I can't project.
Well, think of it this way:
If you live long enough
You won't have to,
you'll be there.
Thanks.
And since it's the far past
we're supposed to recall best,
If we get to the future,
you'll remember
Not being able to project.
As I said, thanks.
A-ha.
What happens now?
You tell me.
You're the one works here.
As I said,
You tell me.
The things we're able to do
And the things we're not.
What we remember doing
And what we're not sure.
What do I remember?
I remember being tall.
I remember first it
making me unhappy,
Being taller in my class,
Taller than the boys.
I remember.
And it comes and goes.
I think they're all robbing me.
I know they are,
But I can't prove it.
I think I know, and then I can't
Remember what I know.
He never comes to see me.
Yes, he does.
When he has to, now and then.
More than most,
He's a good son.
Well, I don't know about that.
He brings me things,
he brings me flowers,
Orchids, freesia,
Those big violets...?
- African.
- Yes. He brings me those,
And he brings me chocolates,
orange rind in chocolate,
That dark chocolate I like,
He does that.
But he doesn't love me.
Oh, now.
He doesn't!
He loves his...
He loves
His boys!
Those... Boys he has.
You don't know!
He doesn't love me,
And I don't know if I love him.
I can't remember!
He loves you.
I can't remember,
I can't remember
what I can't remember.
Isn't that something!
It certainly is.
There's so much,
Holding on,
fighting for everything,
He wouldn't do it,
I had to do everything,
Tell him how handsome he was,
Clean up his blood.
Everything came on me.
Sis being that way,
Hiding her bottles
in her night things,
Where she thought
I wouldn't find them
When she came to stay with
us for a little,
Falling...
Falling down the way she did.
Mother coming to stay,
to live with us,
He said she could,
Where else could she go?
Did we like each other
even at the end?
No, not at the end,
Not when she hated me.
'I'm helpless, '
she... She screamed,
'I hate you!'
She stank,
Her room stank,
She stank,
'I hate you, ' she...
She screamed at me.
I think they all hated me,
because I was strong,
Because I had to be.
Sis hated me, ma hated me,
All those others, they hated me,
He left home, he ran away.
Because I was strong!
I was tall... And I was strong!
Somebody had to be!
If I wasn't, then...
Oh my god, is she...
Is she dead?
No. She's alive.
- I think she's had a stroke.
- Oh, my god!
You better call her son.
I'll call the doctor.
- No change.
- No?
That's the way it goes.
Yes?
Something
to look forward to. No?
I don't want to talk about it,
I don't want to think about it.
Let me alone.
It's worth thinking
about, even at your age.
Let me alone!
It's got to be some way...
Stroke, cancer or,
as the lady said,
Heading into a mountain
with a jet. No?
Or walking off a curb into a
sixty-mile-an-hour wall...
- Stop it!
- Or...
Even worse, think about this...
Home alone in the evening,
servants off,
Him out, at the club,
sitting home alone,
The window jimmied, they get in,
Little cat feet and all,
find you, sitting there
- In the upstairs sitting room...
- I said, stop it!
Find me sitting there
in the upstairs sitting room,
Going over
invitations, whatever...
Bills,
Come up behind me,
slit my throat, me thinking,
Oh, my god,
my throat's being slit,
If that, if there's
time for that.
Arghhhhhhhhhh!
I'm almost done.
Or I hear them...
You hear them turn around,
See them... how many?
Two? Three?
Fall apart, start screaming,
So they have to
slit your throat!
My throat.
Though they may not
have planned it that way.
All that blood on
the chinese rug.
My, my.
Chinese rug?
Yes, beige,
With rose embroidery
all around the edges.
We get it at auction.
I wouldn't know.
No, of course not, you wouldn't.
You will, though,
the rug, I mean.
Clearly nobody
slits your throat,
Or mine, for that matter.
Might be better.
You have things to
tell me, I suppose.
Oh, I certainly do.
But, then again, I don't know
everything either, do I?
I'll do a will, I'll do some
paper that won't let me go on
If I get like that.
There aren't any...
Weren't any then, I tried.
You can't get your
way in this world.
There must be one.
You have your way in everything
and then you can't at the last?
There must be!
There must be what?
A living will.
Oooh!
I was going to,
but then I forgot,
Or it slipped my mind,
or something.
He kept saying, make one!
He has one for himself, he says.
I meant to, nothing
much to do about it now.
Any change?
No, we're...
Just as we were, no change.
I wonder how long this'll go on.
I hope it's quick.
What's her name took six years,
Not a move, not a blink,
Hooked up, breathed for,
pissed for.
Do I know her?
No, after your time,
so to speak.
A-ha.
A lot of money, a lot.
The kids-haha!
Fifty the youngest,
the 'kids' disagreed.
They wanted to see
the will first,
The lawyer wouldn't
show it to 'em,
They came down on both sides...
Kill her off! Keep her going!
Not pretty.
Stop it! Stop it!
- Grow up!
- She will!
She does.
Well, yes, of course.
And so do you.
I will not become that!
Oh, really?
- Come off it.
- I won't!
What do you plan to do about it?
Yes, that's interesting.
- Nor will I become this.
- Haha!
I won't! I know I won't!
That's what I mean.
That thing there?
- Oh!
- I'll never be like that.
Nobody could.
I'm twenty-six, I'm a good girl.
My mother was strict but fair,
She still is,
She loves me,
She loves me and sis and she
wants the very best for us.
We have a nice little
apartment, sis and I,
And at night we go
out with our beaus,
And I do have my eye out, for...
For what? The man of my dreams?
So does sis, I guess.
I don't think I've been in love,
but I've been loved
By a couple of them.
But they weren't the right ones.
They never are.
Hmmmm.
Mother taught us what
the right one would be.
We have fun with the others,
Dancing, staying out late,
Seeing the sun up sometimes.
Things get a little
involved now and again,
And that's fun too,
Though sis doesn't think so
as much as I do.
They get involved, but they
never get very... Serious.
I have my eye out,
and we do have our jobs.
We're mannequins,
the fanciest shop in town!
I don't want that known!
Oh, stop, it was fun.
We go into work and we
put on these lovely frocks,
And we walk elegantly
around the store,
Among the ladies shopping,
Sometimes with
their men, sometimes not,
And we stop,
And they touch our dresses,
The silk, the fabric,
And they ask us questions,
And then we pass on
to another group,
To another section.
We twirl, we... Sashay.
- We do!
- Oh, I know.
Yes, we know, do we know.
Don't look at them,
don't listen to them.
We wear our beautiful
evening gowns,
And we parade about,
And we know there are
people looking at us,
Studying us,
and we smile, and we...
Well, I suppose we flirt a
little
With the men who are doing it,
The husbands, or whatever.
Flirt?! You?!
Me?! Flirt?!
Wheeeee!
Brava! Brava!
- Wheeeee!
- Stop it!
Stay out of my life!
Oh! My dear!
I remember it
differently, little one.
I remember more...
Design.
I remember a little calculation.
Oh, yes, a little calculation,
A little design.
Don't listen to them. Design?
What are they talking about?
Never mind.
They don't know me!
- Noooooooooooo!
- Remember me!
Nooooooooooo!
All right, dear, go on.
I said, go on!
She says go on!
Honestly.
I am a good girl!
Well, yes, I suppose so.
And not dumb.
I'm a good girl.
I know how to attract men.
I'm tall,
I'm striking,
I know how to do it.
Sis slouches and
caves her front in,
I stand tall, breasts out,
Chin up, hands...
Just so.
I walk between the aisles and
they know there's
Somebody coming,
that there's... Somebody there.
But, I'm a good girl.
I'm not a virgin,
but I'm a good girl.
The boy who took
me was a good boy.
Oh, yes he was.
Yes? Was he?
You remember.
Well, it was a while ago.
But you do remember.
Oh! Yes, I remember him!
- He was...
- Sweet and handsome.
No, not handsome!
Beautiful.
He was beautiful!
- He was, yes.
- Yes.
He has coal black hair
and violet eyes
And such a smile!
- Ah!
- Yes!
His body was...
Well, it was thin, but hard.
All sinew and muscle,
He fenced, he told me,
And he was the one with the
megaphone on the crew.
When I held him when we danced,
there was only sinew and muscle.
We dated a lot,
I liked him,
I didn't tell mother, but
I liked him a lot.
I like him, sis, I said,
I really like him.
Have you told mother?
No, and don't you,
I like him lot,
but I don't know.
Has he...? You know?
No, I said, no, he hasn't.
But then he did.
We were dancing...
Slowly... Late,
The end of the evening, and
We danced so close,
All... Pressed, and...
We were pressed, and I could
feel that he was hard,
That muscle and sinew, pressed
against me while we danced.
We were the same height and
he looked into my eyes
As we danced, slowly,
And I felt the
pressure up against me,
And he tensed it
And I felt it move against me.
Whatever is that? I said.
- Hmmmmmmmm.
- Whatever is that? I said.
I knew, but
Whatever is that, I said.
And he smiled,
and his eyes shone,
And, "it's me in love
with you," he said.
You have an interesting
way of showing it, I said.
Appropriate, he said.
And I felt the muscle move
again, and...
Well, I knew it was time,
I knew I was ready,
and I knew I wanted him,
Whatever that meant, that I
wanted him, that I wanted it.
Yes, oh, yes.
Mmmmmmmmmmm.
Remember, don't give
it away, mother said,
Don't give it away
like it was nothing.
They won't respect you for it
and you'll get known
As a loose girl.
Then who will you marry?
Is that what she said?
I can't remember.
Yes you do.
They won't respect you for it
and you'll get known
As a loose girl.
Then who will you marry?
But he was pressed against me,
exactly against
Where he wanted to be.
We were the same height,
And he was so beautiful,
And his eyes shone,
and he smiled at me
And... He moved his
hips as we danced,
So slowly, as we danced, and
He breathed on my
neck and he said,
You don't want me to
embarrass myself
Right here on the dance floor,
do you?
No, no, of course not.
I said, no, no, of course not.
Let's go to my place, he said,
And I heard myself saying,
I'm not that kind of girl?
I mean, as soon as
I said it, I blushed:
It was so stupid, so expected.
Yes, you are, he said,
You're that kind of girl.
And I was, and my
god it was wonderful.
It hurt!
Didn't it?
Oh well, a little.
You're that kind of girl,
And I guess I was.
We did it a lot.
I know it's trite to say
your first time is your best,
But he was wonderful, and I know
I'm only twenty six now and
There've been a few others,
and I imagine I'll marry,
And I'll be very happy.
Well...
We'll talk about happy sometime.
I know I'll be very happy,
But will I ever not
think about him?
He was long and thick
and knew what I wanted,
What I needed, and while I...
I couldn't do...
You know, the thing he wanted...
I just couldn't. I can't.
Nope, never could.
I wonder why.
I tried!
I wanted to do what...
But I... I choked, and I...
I threw up. I just... Couldn't.
Don't worry about it,
Don't worry about
what can't be helped.
And there's more
than one way to skin a cat.
- Why?
- Hm?
Why is there more than
one way to skin a cat?
Why not?
Who needs it?!
Isn't one way enough?
I just want you to
know that I'm a good girl,
That I was... A good girl.
You meet him in two years.
What? Who?
Your husband.
We're what? Twenty-six?
We'll meet him in two years.
The man of my dreams?
Well, a man you'll dream about.
- For a long, long time.
- Like the boy I was...?
Well, yes, he was wonderful,
But then there's life.
- How long?
- Hm?
- How long?
- Long enough.
- You're... What?
- Fifty-two.
I marry when I'm twenty-eight,
You're sixty-six when he dies.
We have him a good long time.
Another fourteen years.
Yes, but the last
six aren't much fun.
That's almost forty
years with one man.
Well, more or less,
More or less one man.
No? Not much fun?
Not much.
How is he? Have I met him?
The one-eyed man?
The little one,
the little one-eyed man?
- Oh, now.
- What?
The one we meet at
the party, sis and me.
Sis is with him, but I see
him looking over at me.
Yes!
Sis doesn't much
care, I don't think.
More or less?
What is this more or less?
- Hm?
- I beg your pardon?
I said almost
forty years with one man.
You said, more or less.
More or less one man?
Oh? Ah! Well,
what are you expecting?
Monogamy or something?
Yes! If I care, yes!
Remember monogamy?
No.
You can talk about
monogamy, if you like,
Pro and con, if you like.
Leave me out of that one.
Infidelity is
a matter of spirit,
Isn't that what they say?
Aside from bad taste,
Disease, confusion
as to where you live,
Having to lie all the time
And remember the lies!
God, remember the lies?
Hmmmm. Well, there
wasn't much, not too much.
Except for the groom, eh?
Oh, my! The groom.
Why do I marry him?
Who? The groom?
The one-eyed man!
I marry the one-eyed man!
- Yes, you do.
- Why?!
Why do I marry him?
Why did I marry him?
Why did I?
- Hmmmmmmmmm.
- Tell me!
Because he makes me laugh.
Because he's little
and he's funny looking,
And a little like a penguin.
Yes! Quite a bit like one.
Well, especially
in his bib and tucker.
C: Why would I marry him
If I'm going to cheat on him?!
Why would you marry him if
he's going to cheat on you?
I don't know!
Calm down,
Adjust, settle in.
Men cheat,
Men cheat a lot.
We cheat less, and we cheat
because we're lonely,
Men cheat because they're men.
No.
We cheat because we're
bored, sometimes.
We cheat to get back,
We cheat because
we don't know any better,
We cheat because we're whores.
We cheat for lots of reasons.
Men cheat for only one!
As you say, because they're men.
Tell me about him!
Don't you want to be surprised?
No!
You've seen him,
or he's seen you.
I don't think you've met him.
He's something of
what they call a playboy,
At least in my time, not yours.
He's rich, or his father is,
And he's divorcing
his second wife.
She's just plain bad, the
first one drank, still does.
That one dies eventually,
Eighty, or something...
Pickled, preserved.
What's he like?
Well...
He's short,
And he has one eye,
And he's a great dancer,
'cept he keeps
running into things,
The eye, you know,
and he sings like a dream!
A lovely tenor,
And he's funny!
God, he's funny!
Oh yes, yes, he was.
And he likes tall women!
Yes, yes, he did!
I have seen him?
He tells me, I think I
remember, he tells me
He saw me with sis
before he dated her,
That I was taller, that he had,
You'll forgive the joke,
His 'eye' on me.
Didn't he tell you that,
that he had his eye on us?
I can't remember.
He was going with that
comedienne did the splits,
The eight-foot one.
Well, you put a stop
to that soon enough.
Once you got your
claws into him, you mean?
Why did I like him?
Is funny enough?
Is having a voice,
is dancing enough?
Don't forget one eye.
Oh, he was nice,
We liked him a lot.
Liked? Liked him lot.
Oh, stop it!
You're twenty-six years old,
Which is not a tot,
There is the future
to look out for...
And he is rich,
or is going to be rich family.
I don't believe this!
Our father dies.
I loved him.
No! He doesn't!
Everybody does.
Except me, maybe.
Except us.
I love him!
Well, that should be enough
to keep the old heart going:
Jesus, she loves me,
how can I go and die on her?
Is it quick?
I don't remember.
Not bad.
Heart failure,
Fluid in the lungs,
Some bad breathing...
Oh, god, the terror in the eyes!
We did that, yes.
We cried when dad died.
B: I cried, sis cried,
Mom went out on the porch
and did it there.
I don't remember.
What happens to ma?
She holds out, she stays on
alone for almost twenty years,
And then she moves in with us.
How does it go?
What?
She becomes an enemy.
She dies when she's eighty-four,
Seventeen years of it,
Of staying up in her room
in the big house with us.
The colitis, the cigarettes,
The six or seven pekingese
she goes through.
I stopped liking her.
I couldn't!
She becomes an enemy.
How?
She...
She starts to resent... Me,
She starts to
resent getting old,
Getting... Helpless,
The eyes, the spine, the mind.
She starts to resent that
I have, that we have so much,
And that I'm being generous,
We're being generous.
She snaps at everything,
She sides with sis,
She criticizes me.
She wasn't like that.
- No! She couldn't be.
- I don't care.
Forget I told you.
She never moved in,
she's still alive,
Up there in the country,
In the same house,
She's a hundred and
thirty-seven now,
Does her own baking,
jogs three times a week...
All right, all right.
There's more.
You want to hear it?
Of course you don't.
No, of course not.
Anyhow,
You marry him!
I do!
Yes, he's fun, and he's nice.
- He sings...
- He dances...
And he's rich,
or going to be...
And he loves tall women!
And you suddenly
realize you love short men.
Penguins.
Alb:
And it goes all right.
His mother doesn't like me,
doesn't like you at all,
But the old man does.
He certainly does!
You're tall,
I bet you're hot stuff.
You win him over.
You know, I think the old
buzzard had a letch for us?
Yes, I think so.
And, boy did he want a grandson.
Oh, that made him happy.
I have children?
We have one,
- We have a boy.
- Yes, we do.
I have...
A son.
Well, fancy seeing you again.
- Get out of my house!
- Stop it! Is..Is that him?
I said, get out of my house!
Do be quiet.
Let him alone,
he's come to see me.
Oh-oh!
That's it, do your duty.
He's... My goodness how nice!
How handsome, how very...
You wouldn't say
that if you knew!
- Shhhhhhhh.
- She wouldn't!
- Filthy little...
- Shhhhh. Shhhhh!
I don't want
to think about that.
He came back,
He never loved me,
He never loved us, but
He came back.
Let him alone.
He's so young.
Yes...
Well, this is how he
looked when he went away,
Took his life and
one bag and went off.
No?
You wore that coat
the day you left.
I thought I told you
to get a hair cut!
Yes, yes, he did,
he wore that coat.
"I'm leaving!" he said,
And he took one bag.
And his life.
He went away from me? Why?
Maybe you changed,
They say you changed,
I haven't noticed.
- He comes back?
He comes back to me,
To me? I let him?
Sure.
We have a heart attack,
They tell him, he comes back.
Twenty plus years?
That's a long enough
sulk-on both sides.
He didn't come back
when his father died.
Of course not!
But he came to me.
They call me up,
They tell me
he's coming to see me,
They say he's going to call.
He calls.
I hear his voice
and it all floods back.
But, I'm formal.
"Well, hello there," I say.
"Hello there to you," he says.
Nothing about this
shouldn't have happened.
Nothing about 'I've missed
you, '
Not even that little lie.
Sis is visiting,
She's lying drunk
and passed out upstairs
And not even that little lie.
'I thought I'd come over.'
'yes, you do that.'
He comes.
We look at each other
And we both... Hold in
Whatever we've been holding in
Since that day he went away.
"You're looking well," he says.
You, too, I say.
And there are no apologies,
no recriminations,
No tears, no hugs...
Dry lips on my
dry cheeks, yes that.
And we never discuss it?
Never go into why?
Never go beyond where we are?
We're strangers, we're
Curious about each other,
We leave it at that.
I'll never forgive him.
No, I never do.
But we play the game.
We dine, he takes me places...
Mother, son going
to formal places.
We never reminisce.
Eventually he lets me talk about
When he was a little boy, but
He never has an opinion on that,
He doesn't seem to have an
opinion on much of anything
That has to do with us, with me.
- Never!
- Or with you.
Or you.
Did we...
Did we drive him away?
- Did I change so?
- He left!!
He packed up his
attitudes and he left!!
And I never want
to see him again!
Go away!!
Well, yes...
You do, you see.
You do want to see him again.
Wait twenty years. Be alone!
Except for her upstairs
passed out on the floor,
And the piano top with the
photos in the silver frames,
And the butler, and...
You do want to see him again,
But the terms are too hard.
We never forgive him.
We let him come,
But we never forgive him.
Ahh!
I bet you don't know that?!
Do you?
How did we change?
How did I change?
Don't bother yourself.
He never belonged!
- I don't believe it!
- Let it alone!
No! How did I change?!
What happened to me?!
Oh, god.
How did I change?!
She wants
to know how she changed.
She wants to know how
she turned into me.
Next, she'll want to know
how I turned into her.
No, I'll want to know that,
Maybe I'll want to know that.
- Hahh!
- Maybe.
You want to know how I changed?
I don't know. Do I?
Twenty-six to fifty-two?
Double it?
Double your pleasure,
double your fun?
Try this.
Try this on for size.
They lie to you.
You're growing up
and they go out of their way
To hedge, to qualify,
To... To evade,
To avoid, to lie.
Never tell it how it is,
How it's going to be,
When a half-truth
can be got in there.
Never give the alternatives to
the 'pleasing prospects, '
The 'what you have to
look forward to.'
God, if they did,
The streets'd be littered
with adolescent corpses!
Maybe it's better they don't.
They?
They?!
Parents, teachers,
all the others.
You lie to us!
You don't tell us things change.
That prince charming has
the morals of a sewer rat,
That you're supposed to
live with that, and like it,
Or give the appearance
of liking it.
Chasing the chambermaid
into closets,
The kitchen maid
into the root cellar...
And god knows what goes on
at the stag at the club!
They probably nail the
whores to the billiard tables
For easy access.
Nobody tells you any of this!!
Poor, poor you.
The root cellar?
Hush.
No wonder one day we
come back from riding,
The horse all slathered,
Snorting,
And he takes the reins,
The groom does,
And he helps us dismount,
the groom does,
His hand touching
the back of our thigh,
And we notice,
and he notices we notice,
And we remember that
we've noticed him before,
Most especially bare
chested that day
Heaving the straw,
Those arms,
That butt.
No wonder we smile in that
way he understands so quickly,
And no wonder he leads us
into a further stall,
Into the fucking hay,
for god's sake!
And down we go!
And it's revenge and
self-pity we're doing it for,
Until we notice it turning into
Pleasure for its own sake,
For our own sake,
And we're dripping wet
And he rides us like
we've seen in the pornos
And we actually scream!!
And then we lie
there in the straw,
Which probably has shit on it,
Cooling down..
And he tells us he's
wanted us a lot,
That he likes big women,
but he didn't dare,
And will he get fired now?
And I say, 'no, no,
of course you won't!'
And for a month more
of it, I don't,
But then I do.
I do have him fired,
Because it's dangerous not to,
Because it's a good deal
I've got with the penguin,
A long-term deal in spite
of the crap he pulls,
And... You'd better
keep your nose clean...
Or polished, anyway,
For the real battles,
The penguin's other lady folk,
The real ones,
The mother who 'just doesn't
like you' for no good reason
Except her daughter hates you,
Fears you and hates you,
Envies and therefore hates you,
Dumpy, stupid,
whining little bitch!
Just doesn't like you!
Maybe in part because she senses
The old man's got
the letch for you.
And...
No girl's good
enough for the penguin,
Not her penguin!
The first two sure weren't
And this one's
not going to be either.
Try to keep on the good side of
the whole wretched family,
Stand up for your husband when
he won't do it for himself.
Watch out for all the intrigue.
Start really worrying
about your sister,
Who's really stopped
worrying about herself,
About anything.
Watch your own mother
begin to change
Even more than
you're aware you are.
And then try to raise that!!
That?!
Gets himself thrown out of
every school he can find,
Even one or two
we haven't sent him to.
Sense he hates you.
Catch him doing it
with your niece-in-law
And your nephew-in-law
the same week?!
Start reading the letters
he's getting from,
How do they call it?
Older friends?
Telling him how to outwit you,
How to survive living
with his awful family,
Tell him you'll brain him with
the fucking crystal ashtray
If he doesn't
stop getting letters,
Doesn't stop saying anything,
Doesn't stop...
Just... Doesn't stop!!
And he sneers, and
he says very quietly
That he can have me put in jail
For opening his mail.
'Not while you're a minor, '
I tell him,
'you just wait, '
I tell him, 'you just wait, '
I'll have you thrown out
of this house so quick,
It'll make your head spin!
"You're going to fire me,"
he says,
Quietly, smiling,
"you going to fire me too?"
Just like you fired him?
"He's good in bed, isn't he?"
"of course, you wouldn't
know about bed," he says.
He gets up,
Stops by me,
Touches my hair.
"I thought I saw some straw,"
he says...
"sorry."
And he walks out
of the solarium,
Out of the house,
out of our lives.
He doesn't say good-bye
to either of us.
He says good-bye
to mother, upstairs,
He says good-bye to the
pekingese, too, I imagine.
He packs one bag, and he leaves!
Get out of my house!!
Does that tell you a little
Something about change?
Does that tell you
what you want to know?
Yes.
Thank you.
You want some more?
No, thank you.
I shouldn't think so.
Yes, you do, you want more.
I said, no, thank you.
That doesn't cut
any ice around here.
How you got to her is one thing,
How you got to me
Is another.
How do you put it,
that, that thing there?
I'm sorry.
Well, maybe.
Yeah, I've got a few doubts
about that route myself.
You?!
Yeah, well.. I'm not so bad.
There's been shit, but
there've been good times, too.
- Some of the best.
- Of course,
There are always good times,
Like, um...
When we broke our back.
You break your back.
Yeah, you sure do.
- I do?
- Snap!
Well, not exactly.
Snap! Really!
I should know, it was
only ten years ago, and...
Riding..
Yes, jumping.
We never liked jumping-hunters.
Saddle horses, yes,
Hunters, no.
Brutes, every one of them,
brutes or hysterics,
But hunters it was, that day,
Entertaining some damn fools.
Brisk,
Burned leaves in the air,
Smell of burning,
Just dawn,
Mist on the ground,
Dawn all green and yellow.
We didn't like
our mount, did we?
- No.
- No, I didn't like her,
She was hysteric and a brute.
When do I learn to ride?
I mean really ride.
It goes with the marriage.
Yes, I didn't trust her,
I'd ridden her
earlier that fall,
She was stupid and cantankerous,
Shied at a moving shadow.
I said to him, "you go on,
I'll stay, you go on."
- Yes.
- But he looked so hurt.
I said, "oh, all right."
And off we went,
Into the wood,
the green, the gold,
The mist knee high to a...
To your knees!
Stupid cow of a horse!
Couldn't she see the
fence in the mist?
Did she come on it too fast
And shy like that?
Over we went!
Over we went.
Oh, no!
Could have broken
my neck, I suppose. Lucky.
Well, yes, there is that.
We never mounted a
hunter again, did we?
Nope.
Damned cast weighed a ton!
And you know what
I thought about most?
Who he's doing it with?
Who's he got cornered
in what corner,
What hallway?
Who he's poking
his little dick into?
That he might leave us.
That he might decide
to get one isn't broken.
What kind of man is this?!
Man-man.
Manman.
How was this happy time?
Good times, you said?
Oh, well, we
proved we were human.
No?
Of course.
We were fallible.
Once you fall,
Whether you get up
or not, once you fall,
And they see it,
They know you can be pushed.
Whether you're made of crockery
and you smash into pieces,
Or you're bronze and
you clang when you topple,
It makes no never mind,
It's the plinth is important.
To translate...
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
To translate...
You can go around
fixing the world,
Patching everything up, everyone
And they're grateful to you,
Grudgingly, but grateful,
But once you fall yourself,
Prove you're not quite
as much better than they are
Than they thought, then they'll
let you go right on
Doing everything for them,
fixing the world et cetera,
But they won't
hate you quite so much,
Because you're not perfect.
And so everything's better.
Nice and better.
Doesn't that make
it a good time?
He doesn't leave you
for something else,
He's sweet and he gives
you a big diamond ring,
And you don't have to get
back up on a hunter anymore.
Doesn't that make
it a happy time?
Do I get to shoot the horse?
I beg your pardon?!
- Whoooo!
- Alb:
Never occurred to me!
Whoo-hoo!
I'll never
become you, either of you.
Oh, stop!
And the great ring,
the big diamond,
You don't wear it anymore?
Gone.
Oh?
I sold it.
Oh?
I've sold everything.
Well, not everything...
But most.
Money doesn't go
as far these days?
Money doesn't go anywhere!
I have no money.
I have money, but
I eat into it...
Every year,
Every year, it's less.
We should cut back, we should...
Don't talk to me
about cutting back!
It's all paste! It's fake!
All the jewelry sitting
in the vault, in the bank?
It's all fake!
Why is it there?
Why do you... Why do we bother?
Huh!
Because we take it out
And we wear it?
Because the fake look
as good as the real,
Even feels the same,
And why should
anybody know our business?
No?
Appearances?
Appearances.
That which appears to be?
I mean, who are
we trying to impress?
Ourselves.
You'll learn.
I took the big diamond in.
When we bought it, when he
brought it in for me,
He said...
This is a perfect stone,
I've never seen a better one.
You ever want to sell this
you bring it back to me,
I'll give you better
than you paid for it.
He patted my hand.
Pat-pat.
Pat-pat.
And so I took it back,
After he died,
after the cancer and all,
After all that.
They looked at it,
they said it was...
Deeply flawed,
Or it was cloudy...
Or something.
Sons of bitches!
They offered me a third of
what he paid for it,
And the dollar wasn't worth
half of what it had been.
Didn't you sue?
I mean, what can we do?
We just can't...
what can you do?
There's nothing you can do.
You go on, you...
Eat into yourself.
Starving people absorb
their own bodies.
The money's there, the
investments are there,
Except less each year,
It absorbs itself.
It's all you've planned to
count on, isn't it?
The extras?
The big diamond day...
The big diamond
and most of the rest.
Well, what does it matter?
It's all glitter.
No!
It's more than that!
It's tangible proof
That we're valuable...
that we're valued.
Well, it's gone,
All the glitter's gone.
Yup. Bye.
Are there any other surprises?
Oh, yeah, lots!
Oh, my dear, you just wait.
She...
Hides the money.
Whatever she gets for the
jewelry, she keeps in cash,
And spends a little
Whenever there isn't
enough of the regular.
There's a lot,
she can't spend it all,
Without people knowing what
she's doing, I mean.
She hides it,
and then eventually
She can't remember
Where she hid it,
And she can't find it...
Ever!
And she can't tell anybody.
Is the cancer bad?
When is it good?
How bad?
Fill me in, fill me in!
Pretty terrible!
Six years, I told you that,
it takes him six years
From when he knows it,
when they tell him he has it,
To when he goes.
Prostate!
Spreads to the bladder,
Spreads to the bone,
Spreads to the brain,
And to the liver, of course,
Everything does,
the ancients knew something.
It's all right at first,
Except for the
depression, and the fear,
It's all right at first,
but then the pain comes,
Slowly, growing, and then...
Then the day he
screams in the bathroom,
And I rush in, I expect
to see him lying there, but...
No, he's standing at the toilet,
And his face is
filled with horror,
And he points to
the bowl, and I look,
And it's all pink in there,
That the blood is
coming with the urine now.
And it's all downhill from
there: The pink becomes red,
And then there's blood
in the bed, at night,
As I'm lying with him,
holding him..
And then there's...
No!
Why go on with it?
It's terrible!
And there's nothing you can do
To prepare yourself!
I don't like you,
you deserve it!
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I don't like you either.
And so it goes.
I had a premonition.
I know you say
there's no such thing,
But I had one. It was...
I died.
Oh, stop it!
You don't think I'm going to?
You can hardly wait!
Just you wait!
I died, you see,
And when I did it, when I died,
I was all alone.
No one there in the room
with me, the hospital room,
I was back in that
awful hospital!
Why didn't
you take me out of there?
Why did you leave me in that...
don't you touch me!!
There I was.
And I was in a coma,
In and out, in and out.
Sometimes I'd wake up and wonder
who I was, and where I was,
Who were all those
people looking at me?
Sometimes I wouldn't wake up,
not all the way,
And I'd half try,
And then I wouldn't.
You brought me flowers,
You brought freesia.
You know I love freesia,
That's why you bring them to me,
Because I love them!
Why do you do that?!
You hate me,
Why do you do that?!
What do you want?!
You want something.
Well, you just wait.
You'll get what's coming to you.
In my... Premonition,
I knew I was dead,
And it didn't seem
to matter any,
And I was all alone.
No one there
with me and I was dead!
No one!
Just the chauffeur and the maid.
I was there an hour,
and I was dead!
And then you came in,
And you had your flowers,
your freesia.
You came into the room,
And they were there,
and I was dead,
And you stopped at
the door of the room,
And you knew right away,
And you stopped..
And you...
Thought!
I watched you...
Think!
And your face didn't change.
Why didn't
your face ever change?
And there you were, and you
thought, and you decided,
And you walked over to the bed,
And you touched my hand,
And you bent down,
And you kissed me
On the forehead...
For them!
They were there
and they were watching
And you kissed me for them!
And then you stood up,
Still holding on
to my hand, as if...
What? You didn't know
what to do with it?
You held on to my hand,
And my hand wasn't warm anymore,
Was it?
My hand
Was cold,
Wasn't it?
Wasn't it?!
And so it goes.
I... Will... Not... Become...
You.
I will not. I...
I deny you.
Yes?
You?!
You deny me?
Yes?
You all deny me?
Yes! You... Deny me?
And I suppose you do too.
Well.. Yes, of course.
And, of course, you deny me.
Well, that's all right.
I deny you too,
I deny you all.
I deny... You,
And I deny you,
And, of course,
I deny you!
I'm here,
And I deny you all,
I deny every one of you!
Is it like this?
What about the happy times?
The happiest moments?
I haven't had them yet, have I?
All done at twenty-six?
I can't imagine that.
I had some, of course,
Some of what probably
will be the happiest,
Even when I get to the
point I can begin to think about
Looking back without
feeling silly.
Though god knows
when that will be!
Not feeling silly,
If ever.
Confirmation,
For example,
That wonderful time.
The white dress mother made,
Sis all jealous and excited,
Jumping up and down and
sulking at the same time.
But even now, you see,
I'm remembering,
And what I'm remembering doesn't
have to do with what I felt,
But what I remember.
They say you can't
remember pain.
Well, maybe you can't
remember pleasure, either,
In the same way,
I mean, in the way
You can't remember pain.
Maybe all you can remember
is the memory of it...
Remembering, remembering it.
I know my best times,
what is it?
Happiest?
Haven't happened yet.
They're to come.
Aren't they?
Please?
And... And whatever evil comes,
Whatever loss and
taking away comes,
Won't it all be balanced out?
Please?
I'm not fool, but there is a
lot of happiness along the way.
Isn't there?!
And isn't it always ahead?
Aren't I right?
Aren't I?
I mean, all along the way?
No?...Please?!
Silly, silly girl,
Silly baby.
The happiest time?
Now,
Now.
Always.
This must be the happiest time.
Half of being adult done,
The rest ahead of me.
Old enough to be a little wise,
Past being really dumb...
No offense.
None taken.
Enough shit gone
through to have a sense
Of the shit that's ahead,
But way past
sitting and playing in it.
This has to be
the happiest time,
In theory, anyway.
Things nibble away, of course,
Your job is to know that, too.
The wood may be
rotten under your feet,
Your nicely spread legs,
And you'll be up to your
ass in sawdust and dry rot
Before you know it,
before you know it,
Before you can say,
This is the happiest time.
Well, I can live with that,
Die with that.
I mean, these things happen,
But what I like most
about being where I am,
And fifty is a peak,
In the sense of a mountain.
Fifty-two.
Ha!
Yes, I know, thank you.
What I like most
about being where I am,
Is that there's a lot I don't
have to go through anymore,
And that doesn't mean closing
down for me, at any rate.
It opens up whole vistas
Of... Decline,
Of obsolescence,
Peculiarity,
But really interesting!
Standing up here right
on top of the middle of it,
Has to be the happiest time.
I mean, it's the
only time you get a
360-degree view,
See in all directions.
Wow!
What a view!
You're both such children.
The happiest moment...
The happiest moment of all?
Really?
Coming to the
end of it, I think,
When all the waves
cause the greatest woes...
To subside,
leaving breathing space,
Time to concentrate on
the greatest woe of all,
That blessed one,
The end of it.
Going through the whole
thing and coming out...
Not out beyond it, of course,
but, but sort of...
Sort of to one side.
None of that
"further shore" nonsense,
But to the point where
you can think about yourself
In the third person
without being crazy.
I've waked up in the
morning, and I've thought,
Well, now, she's waking up,
And now she's
going to see what works...
The eyes, for example.
Can she see?
She can?
Well, good, I suppose,
So much for that.
And now she's going
to test all the other stuff,
The joints, the... Uhm,
Inside of the mouth,
And now
She's going to have to pee.
What's she going to do?
Go for the walker?
Lurch from chair to chair,
pillar to post?
Is she going to
call for somebody?
Aaanyyybodyyy...
The tiniest thought
there might be nobody there,
That she's not making a sound,
That maybe she's not alive,
So's anybody'd notice, that is?
I can do that.
I can think about
myself that way,
Which means, I suppose,
That that's the way I'm living,
Beside myself, to one side.
Is that what they mean by that?
I'm beside myself?
No, I don't think so.
I think they're talking
about another kind of joy.
There's a difference
Between
Knowing you're going to die and
Knowing...
You're going to die.
The second is better,
It moves away
from the theoretical.
- I'm rambling, aren't I?
- A little.
Well, we do that at ninety,
or whatever I'm supposed to be.
I mean, give a girl a break!
Sometimes, when I do that,
when I wake up,
Start thinking about
myself like that,
Like I was watching,
I really get the feeling
that I am dead, but
Going on at the same time,
And I wonder if she can
Talk and feel and...
And then I wonder
Which has died,
me, or the one I think about?
It's a fairly
confusing business.
I'm rambling. Yes, I know!
I was...
I was talking about...
Au! Au...
What?!
Coming to the end of it!
Yes. So.
There it is.
You asked after all.
That's the happiest moment.
When it's all done.
When we stop.
When we can stop.