Threesomething (2018) Movie Script
[computer beeping]
- Charlie?
- Zoe?
- Hey!
- Hi!
- How's it going?
- Good. How are you?
Good. I haven't seen you
in a while.
I know. It's be a while now,
hasn't it?
This is my friend, Isaac.
- Hello... [indistinct]
- Hello. Hi.
- Very nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
What's up, guys?
- Nothing, just hangin'.
- Yeah?
I want-- I want to see you.
I want to catch up with you
and stuff.
I know. I would love that.
It's been a really--
My place? You wanna have
dinner here?
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Maybe, like...
I don't know. Have a dance
party or something?
Yeah, let's do that.
Let's have a dance party.
Fuck, yeah. Awesome.
Cool, that'll be fun.
Um, tomorrow, or what are
you thinking, this weekend?
- Yeah, tomorrow night?
- Can I bring some people?
What?
Can I bring some friends,
or is this-- Is it a party?
To be totally clear, just 'cause
I don't wanna... do this.
Uh... we're interested
in having a threesome,
and we're wondering if you're
also interested in this.
I mean this with
complete respect.
I just feel like we should
be upfront about
what kind of we're
interested in
and, uh, and not kind of,
you know,
feel like we're luring you
into any weird situation
where your expectations
are different.
I just-- I wanted to be upfront
about that, if that's okay.
- Uh, are you--
- I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.
Wait, are you guys serious?
Wait. Are you-- Are you serious?
- We were, like--
- Is this a joke?
- Okay. Well--
- It's not a joke.
I'm sorry if I upset you
or anything.
We were, like,
talking about threesomes--
I feel like you guys are
punking me or something.
We're not punking you, I...
We-- No, we...
were talking about
threesomes and stuff,
and, like, and your name...
came up.
And my name came up?
Yeah. I mean we weren't--
I wasn't--
- Look...
- I didn't know that we were gonna--
Just let me handle it.
Look, I-I...
you seem like a great person.
I think it could be
a lot of fun.
Uh, we're having a dinner
tomorrow night.
Maybe you wanna come to dinner
just to, like...
It's not-- We're not, like,
having a dinner.
We're having dinner, and
maybe you could be there,
and we could get to know
each other better.
- Um...
- I do want you to come to dinner.
I wanna hang out--
I do wanna hang out with you
and catch up with you
and have dinner.
Okay, wait. This is not a joke?
This isn't a joke.
Okay, I'm just gonna make
this really clear.
It's not-- It's not a joke,
but if you come to dinner,
- and you're not interested--
- Wait.
I'm just gonna end the call.
It's been really nice
talking to you.
I'm glad that we got to meet
over here,
uh, and I will talk--
we'll talk to you soon.
- Um, okay, yeah.
- I think it's...
Just hopefully you come
to dinner,
and it'd be great
to see you at dinner.
Just to clarify,
just to clarify.
- Farewell.
- Uh...
- [beeping]
- Uh...
It's all on the table.
I guarantee you,
she texts you tomorrow
and says, "I'm coming
to dinner."
I don't think you
can make that guarantee.
I guarantee it.
I absolutely,
100% promise you
that that's probably
what's gonna happen.
I think I probably am just not gonna
have a relationship with her anymore.
- That's fine.
- That's okay.
- And yet, you know...
- Thank you for...
...the most honest thing
prevails.
[sighs]
What are you gonna do?
- There's nothing I can do.
- Right.
I think the text message
"Down for dinner"
also means that she's
down for a threesome.
- Yeah, maybe.
- I know! Yes!
- Yes, that's what it means.
- Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, maybe.
I don't know, man!
This is so exciting!
This is, like--
This is honestly--
I've been wanting to do this
for so long.
I know, I know.
It means it's probably
gonna happen.
That's the best part about it.
Are you not nervous at all
about it?
I just feel like...
I'm about to have this
incredible experience
with this, I think,
pretty cool chick
and my best friend.
[mutters]
Yeah.
I'm your best friend,
too, right?
I feel so put on the spot when
you ask me that sometimes.
I just wanna know.
Because you never call me
your best friend,
but I feel like
I am your best friend.
I don't wanna
throw that around.
It's not throwing it around
if it's a real thing.
I just wanna know that
I have a best friend!
It so weird. I'm always
calling you it,
and you never say...
Well, you call me
your best friend too much.
All right, man.
Do you wanna just get your fucking
place ready for this threesome?
I really wanna show each other
our penises
before she comes over.
I think we should probably
save that
for the actual thing.
If she turns out to be down, and we've
never seen each other's penises before,
and we're in and we see it
for that situation,
and we see it for the first time,
there's gonna be a weird moment.
And I feel so insecure
about this whole thing.
I don't want there to be
a weird moment in it.
I don't...
She's almost here, right?
And...
I want us to do this
before she gets here.
All right.
If this-- If it'll make you
feel better,
I'm fine to do it.
I just...
- It will.
- All right.
Should we just turn
and look on three?
- That's sounds fine.
- Okay.
All right.
Okay.
[both]
One, two, three.
[Charlie chuckles]
All right.
I feel a lot better. Yeah.
Did you just laugh?
No, I got, like,
a little nervous.
I don't think I laughed.
I feel better.
I'm happy we saw.
We're gonna see 'em anyway.
Okay.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, this is great.
Okay.
Let's...
All right, I'm gonna
pull my pants up.
Um, and then my dad
told my little brother
he could, uh, get a, uh,
a car--
'cause he just got
his license--
for, uh, if he finished his
community service hours.
So that was, I don't know,
it's not that exciting, but--
[Isaac]
I'm gonna be really honest.
I'm a little bit distracted
by the fact
that you're here right now.
I personally didn't think that
you were gonna come over,
uh, after I mentioned
the whole threesome idea.
- Oh, um...
- Just gonna put that out there.
Oh, wait, okay.
I'm-I'm kinda wondering
the same thing.
Are you... you're--
You wanna do this?
Is that what you're saying?
Wait, hold on.
You...
Okay, so you are asking me
to have a threesome, basically.
Uh, I wouldn't say that
we're asking you to.
- I don't think--
- Oh, okay.
Like, I guess I'm curious,
are you interested
in a threesome?
And if not,
that's okay, too.
We just want you
to be comfortable.
That feels pretty much good
to say, the way I said it.
Um...
[chuckles nervously]
I mean...
You guys...
wanna have a threesome.
- I think we do.
- Yeah.
Yeah, we just, we just...
we just kinda wanna, like,
make sure that we're all
understood.
Oh, I see. Okay.
Yeah, okay, we are.
- Understood.
- We're-we're understood.
I don't think we need to even
have any more dinner.
Yeah, I don't even think
I could eat any more.
I've been eating a lot
to try to get us...
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Um, but thank you.
The sweet rice was really good.
Oh, yeah, I was happy with
how it came out.
Do you guys wanna discuss
boundaries?
- I think so. Yeah.
- Okay.
Maybe no, like...
hardcore stuff.
I think it's best we define
hardcore at the outset.
- Oh, okay, yeah.
- 'Cause I don't know.
I mean, I think we all might
have different--
Let's just all be on
the same page
as to what hardcore
actually means.
Actually, I have a good idea.
How about we just see
if it occurs,
and then I'll just...
say something?
I kinda prefer--
That could be dangerous.
- Yeah.
- Oh, really?
Just kinda like...
start touching each other.
Let's touch each other's
hands.
- Um... Oh!
- What are you doing?
I thought we could...
I thought we could...
I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm sorry.
I was trying to start some--
I don't know.
I-I personally feel
just stiff and odd
and unnatural, and I think
that maybe...
I don't know, like...
get in our body or something.
Yeah, I think we should
get in our bodies.
- Get in our bodies, you know?
- Yeah.
[man singing in French]
[Zoe giggles]
[Zoe pants]
[cloth rips]
[mutters]
Oh, shit.
- [whispers] What?
- [whispers] I ripped my dress.
[passionate moaning]
[passionate moaning]
Hey, hey.
- Hey, are you okay?
- Hey, what's going on?
- Hey.
- Hey.
[Isaac] What did you do, man?
- [Charlie mutters]
- [crying]
- What'd you just do?
- I didn't do anything.
Hey, what's going on?
What's wrong?
I don't know,
I just got really...
Oh, my God, I'm embarrassed.
It's okay,
it's okay, it's okay.
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
- What's up?
- Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.
- What's wrong?
- I just feel like--
Oh, my God.
I just feel like I haven't
been touched in so long.
Just so fucking lonely.
I really...
Yeah, it's hard.
Oh! I'm just fucking pissed
or something!
[softly] It's okay. It's okay.
I know...
I know what you're feeling.
It's okay.
Is this-- Oh, my God...
[growls]
- Do you wanna stop?
- No.
I do not wanna stop.
Let's take our pants off.
Let's take our pants off,
okay?
- Okay.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's keep going.
Are you sure?
All right.
Sorry, I'm just, like,
can't believe I just did that.
Maybe we should like,
we should take a second.
Oh, yeah, okay.
- Sorry, did I just...
- No, no, no, no.
It's okay.
It's really okay.
Look, we're all...
We're all here together.
- Okay.
- Okay?
I just, I don't know what's
going on with me right now.
I'm just so overwhelmed. I feel like I
haven't been touched in a really long time.
You know? Like, I just feel
like, um...
I'm a little out of sorts
or something.
- Okay.
- Uh...
Anyway, um...
Maybe we should take
a timeout?
No, no, no.
Let's take our pants off.
Let's take
our pants off.
I think this is a good id--
This is a good time
to take the pants off.
Off.
[whimpering] Will you guys
come into bed with me?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
[Zoe whimpers]
[Zoe sobs]
- I'm so sorry.
- Are you still crying?
No. I'm not.
I just need to be hugged.
- Okay.
- I'm sorry.
- Okay, just--
- It's fine, okay.
I'm just totally fucking around.
[Isaac]
Charlie...
- Hmm?
- Get in here, man.
Okay. Um...
Oh, sorry.
[Zoe] Will you hang on for a second?
- Yeah, yeah.
- I just feel like-- - I
honestly think this might not--
Oh, God. Are you okay?
- Sorry.
- It's okay, it's okay.
- Are you okay?
- Guys, I really think we should stop.
[laughs]
Oh, my gosh.
- I am so sorry I hit your head.
- It's okay. It's okay.
This is, like, a real overwhelming,
emotional thing for me.
- It didn't hurt.
- I'm sorry.
I just-- I honestly think
that is not going that--
No, no, no, it's fine.
This is completely
just connected, that's all.
It's connected.
Please just... hold me.
[sighs]
[Zoe breathing deeply]
[whispers]
It's fine.
It's okay.
- Don't worry about it.
- Just get in.
I'll get in, I'll get in,
I'll get in.
- Come on.
- Stop.
Just try to get in.
- [Zoe moaning]
- [Charlie whispers] Okay.
- Come on.
- I can't. I really can't.
[Zoe moaning]
[Isaac] Come on.
Charlie.
[bed squeaking rhythmically]
Dude, I'll close the door.
[rock music playing loudly]
[Zoe moaning loudly]
[passionate moaning]
[panting]
[passionate moaning]
[sighs]
- Good morning.
- Yeah, good morning, yeah.
Wearing my, uh, my boxers
and T-shirt.
Yeah.
[nervous chuckle]
Thanks for letting me
wear them.
No worries.
Um...
so, yeah, man.
I...
The threesome didn't go down
how we thought it was
gonna happen.
- It's all right, man.
- Okay, cool.
- All good.
- All right.
It's just like I wanna make
sure you and I
are on the same page
and are cool.
- We're good.
- We're good?
We're good.
How is she?
- She's good, man.
- She seemed like, uh...
What was going on with her?
She just got out of a really
intense relationship,
uh, and so she's very
stirred up.
But, uh, I think last night
was really good for her.
- Good.
- Yeah.
So, um...
you know...
I-I just feel like I was
happy to be there for her
in that moment,
and I felt like...
you know...
what happened was...
what happened.
As far as I go,
I left.
I came in here.
I, like...
had a little "me" time,
did a little reading.
I just went,
you know what?
I think I'm gonna
simplify this
and-and leave the room.
I-I really appreciate that.
Um, I'm gonna spend a couple
days at her house.
We're gonna kind of get to know
each other a little better.
- Okay. Wow.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- So...
- Wow.
Yeah.
- Good for you guys, man. Wow.
- Thanks, brother.
You know, really.
I'm really happy to, like...
make that connection.
You were the connection-maker.
It feels like she was just
speaking
the same language as me.
Like, she, uh...
she could understand...
like...
the-the craziest nuances
of everything I was trying
to say to her.
And-and I could--
I felt the same way
about what she was
saying to me.
It felt cosmic, you know?
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- It's so good. So good.
- Yeah.
It was really special, man.
- Oh, that's so good.
- Yeah.
It's...
It makes me wanna cry.
It makes me wanna laugh.
It makes me wanna
sing and dance.
I'd sing right now. I just don't
wanna wake her up.
Oh, man.
All right, brother.
Be well.
[clears throat]
Be well.
[door opens and closes]
[sighs]
[passionate moaning]
You're my girlfriend now?
I guess so.
And I'm your boyfriend now?
I mean, I'd almost
feel silly.
- I know.
- Right?
Should we not put labels on it?
I don't know.
I think...
No, I think that...
I think that--
- What do we call each other?
- I don't know.
Do we introduce each other to
everyone in our lives?
Um...
'Cause I want everyone to know
who you are.
Like, I'm proud of you.
Like, you're...
like, you're an extension
of me.
Yeah.
It's so wild, 'cause it's
just like--
Girlfriend.
I hate that word.
- I know.
- You know?
- It's so trivial.
- Yeah. It feels-- Yeah.
- It feels like we're going to the mall together.
- And we're in middle school.
- Like a movie. "Here's my girlfriend."
- Yeah.
- I don't wanna go to the mall with you.
- I don't either.
- I wanna go to the moon with you.
- Yeah.
Should we get married?
- Let's get-- - I feel like
we should just get married.
- Let's get married.
- You know?
I feel like we should
just get married.
Let's just get married.
[both gasp]
Oh, my gosh!
Really? You want to?
I wanna marry you.
[gasps]
Really?
- I wanna marry you.
--Oh, my gosh, that's so--
- Let's get married.
- Holy shit.
Let's just get married.
We're not-- We're not going
too fast, right?
I don't know. Who cares?
Whatever!
I feel like fuck it, right?
I mean, let's just go for it.
- Yeah!
- You'll do your photography.
I'll figure out what
my thing is.
What do you-- What do you--
What is your thing?
- I don't even know.
- What do you mean?
- I don't know what my thing is.
- How do you live?
I-- My-- I just, like,
figure out how to make money.
I'll, like, cater
and bartend and--
Oh, I love that.
Just moment by moment.
I'll just, like, figure it
the fuck out.
Yeah.
Um...
So...
- We're getting married.
- We're getting married.
Do you wanna live here?
It's like...
Like, you would just
live here, right?
I would just live here.
Uh, I'll-- I mean,
We'll just move all my...
I've got a few bags
right now.
I don't have much stuff.
What if this is our ring?
Instead of having rings,
we'll just use this.
And we can just carry this
around.
- Okay.
- And it's like...
no one will know why we're
carrying around
this little ball
except us.
Oh, I love that.
But do we have to have
a tennis ball?
It's kinda disgusting.
I think we have to embrace it.
Maybe 'cause it's the moment.
- Yeah, okay, yeah.
- 'Cause it's...
Oh, Allie, you're part of
our little triad.
She's the one that decided
that this is the rings.
[gasps]
Thank you.
Wait, so did she just
marry us right now?
She just married us
right now.
We're married now?
Well, I think we should have
a proper ceremony.
No, no, we should
have a proper ceremony.
Sit.
Speak.
[both howling]
- [rock music playing]
- From all my wounds
In my life
It took everything in me
To get over, over you
And I'm still trying
Charlie: Mom, Mom,
you're not listening.
I didn't ever care about the sex.
It wasn't about that.
She and I had a crush on each
other when we were younger.
That's all.
Honey, I really need
to focus.
I cooked beautifully.
I cleaned my apartment
beautifully.
I was so nice to her
when she was crying.
Was I acting weird?
I could have been acting
kinda weird.
Honey, I really need
to do this work.
I might have been acting
really weird.
I honestly think
you're looking at it
from a different...
from the wrong perspective.
I think you need to shift
your perspective on it.
The key in these
situations,
if you're gonna have
a threesome,
is to know that,
first of all,
they're always gonna choose
one or the other.
Even if it's not
a physical choice,
energetically, there's
gonna be a choice.
Do you remember the time,
about a year and a half ago,
when I went to the Wu-Tang Clan
concert back in Seattle?
And I went with
that guy Robert?
And at the last minute,
he pulled an extra ticket,
and he's like, "Do you want
to invite a friend?"
I was like, "Yeah.
My friend Lucy's in town."
And so, uh, the three of us
end up going to Seattle.
We're at the concert,
we're drinking,
we're, you know,
we smoked a little weed,
and we end up back
at the hotel,
and pretty soon I realized,
you know,
I knew what was up.
It was gonna be
a threesome.
So...
[chuckles]
I started feeling the vibes
that he was choosing her.
And, mind you,
we'd been drinking
these cucumber mint mojitos.
And I looked down.
I don't know
what came over me,
but I had this burst
of inspiration,
and I grabbed that
cucumber,
and I started using it
on him.
Yeah. I got weird.
He loved it.
All of a sudden,
it was all about me.
He chose me.
And I gotta tell you,
ever since I've been doing that,
I've been getting
so much D.
Like, an astonishing amount.
Mom!
"Schedule your
civil ceremony."
- Tomorrow you'll have my last name.
- Twenty-five dollars?
Tomorrow, you'll be,
like, a different person.
I...
I kinda like my last name.
Well, we're gonna get married.
You gotta take my last name.
But I like my last name.
But...
Can we do a hyphen
or something?
I don't know.
- That's kinda weird.
- Yeah.
But my last name's better.
What if you took
my last name?
What if you took
my last name?
I-I... People made fun of me
for my last name my whole life.
I'll do it, yeah.
You'll take my last name?
Kind of a way out for me.
I'm into it.
- You got a weird last name.
- It's a bad last name.
It's kind of... I just don't
really think I'd want that.
- No! I don't want it.
- Is that bad?
No. Let's get out of that last
name and go to your last name.
Oh, cool!
My dad will love that!
[rain pattering]
- What should we do now? I mean, It's kind of...
- I don't know.
Do you wanna say some-- I feel
like we should say something.
I promise to be loyal!
- And I promise...
- Are you joking right now?
No, I'm serious. I thought you
were supposed to do that.
I thought you were joking
for a sec.
- Oh, my God!
- I got kinda scared.
- I'm so sorry.
- It's totally cool.
- What? -'Cause the way
you were doing it,
it seemed like you were joking.
I thought that was
a grand statement or something.
No, I--
No, it was great.
- I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
- Oh. Okay.
I vow to never leave your side,
no matter what!
And if things get hard...
I'll be right there,
by your side!
And I will not leave!
And I want everyone
to hear that!
Oh.
That I will not walk away!
I will remain loyal...
and I will be with you,
no matter what!
Oh. Wow.
[rain pattering]
We need-- We need to exchange
something to each other.
- That's what we need to do.
- Yeah.
Yeah, we need
to exchange something.
Like, I'll cut
some of my hair off.
Just little bit. I mean, it's--
you know, whatever.
I'll burn mine,
I don't care.
I cut these with kitchen
scissors.
This is the beginning
of our life together.
[whispering] This is the
beginning of our life together.
- [rock music playing] I can
hear you from the wayward
And I can picture it
Let it go,
we all lose control
So let it be
You're free to feel
what you want
There's no such thing
as fate
You'll see
There's no such thing
as faith
Believe
Whoo!
Let's just wrestle!
[laughing]
I'm gonna change my status
on Facebook
from "single" to "married" now.
Oh, my God.
[laughing, shouting]
Can you imagine
a little baby right here?
- Nice to have a feeling, wouldn't it?
- Yeah.
We'll have the baby.
Okay, so, wait.
How many do you wanna have?
- Like, four.
- Me, too!
I wanna have so many kids.
Actually, like, I wanna have,
like, six.
And maybe adopt a couple.
'Cause I-I spent
fucking...
25 fucking years...
trying to be the guy that's
coming into a group,
being like "Like me! Like me!"
and no one fucking likes me,
and I'm sick of it.
I'm...
I'm never gonna be
that guy again.
And now that I have you,
I don't have to be that
fucking guy anymore.
It's just you and me...
And that's it.
I mean, maybe now
that we have each other that...
like, we don't have to...
prove something?
Yeah.
- [rock music playing]
From all my wounds
In my life
It took everything in me
To get over, over you
And I'm still trying
Now I'd be lying
if I said I wasn't lonely
Baby, reach out and hold me
And tell me my wrongs
- Maybe I can have a cigarette?
- Yeah, why don't you have a cigarette,
- and I'll kick it in here.
- Okay. You don't mind that I have a cigarette?
- No.
- Okay, cool.
- Oh, I forgot--
- You didn't know that I...
I think that's something
we could probably
talk about at some point,
right?
Like, if that gets
in the wa...
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's like...
Yeah. Of course.
Fine.
- Yeah, I just...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, maybe we can just...
Those are things
that we can talk about
as the as the relationship
moves forward, right?
- Of course. Of course.
- Can I wear this?
- Yeah, that's fine.
I feel like a little...
not like I...
- Yeah, not in, like, a controlling way or anything.
- No, no, no, no.
It's kinda like...
it's a...
It's the taste and stuff,
of the cigarette in mouth.
- Could you taste it?
- No, no, no.
I just-- That's something
that I've been exposed to,
and I know what it
tastes like.
It's not a big deal.
Have a cigarette,
enjoy yourself.
Okay.
- We're great.
- You don't care?
- No, it's totally cool.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna go.
- Okay, okay.
- I'm gonna have one.
- All right, bye.
[rain pattering]
I can-- I can hear you,
uh...
I can hear you--
Oh, just 'cause...
there's this thing.
- Hi! Are you mad at me?
- Hey. No.
- You're mad at me, right?
- No, I'm not mad, I'm not mad.
- You would tell me, right?
- I'd tell you right away.
- Promise?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
If you sit right here,
I can watch you.
Why don't we just wait until
you get back inside?
- Okay.
- Okay.
I love you.
Love you.
Can you say it again?
- Love you.
- [whispers] I love you.
[rain pattering]
[Charlie]
I'm so ha-- I'm so happy!
[laughs]
Oh, you do?
[laughs] I love that about you.
I love that about you.
[laughs]
I love it!
Oh, I love it! I love it!
Oh, what's up, guys?
So, what's going on?
What's going on?
What's going on?
Hey! Hey!
[rain pattering]
[birds twittering]
Did it rain on us last night?
Oh, fuck, there's a leak
in the roof.
I fucking just fixed that.
- [groans]
- [chuckles] It's okay.
- Do you drink coffee?
- Uh, do you have tea? Do you have herbal tea?
- Herbal tea. Uh...
- Do you have decaf?
I don't-- I don't think
I have decaf.
- Okay.
- Um...
I'll take a coffee.
That sounds great.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
- [lawn mower buzzing]
- [dog barking in distance]
[hammering in distance]
[hammering continues]
- It's good.
- It's good.
We'll figure out any weirdness
and rough patches.
- Yeah.
- It's kinda natural.
- You know? Like... it's just natural.
- Yeah.
- Okay. I love you. I'll see you soon.
- Okay.
Do what you need to do.
I'll do what I need to do.
Okay.
Bye.
[Zoe] I'm actually am having
a huge problem with my roof,
and I wanted to see,
um...
It's just-- I had it fixed
last--
I had it fixed last year
and it's still leaking.
And I don't know if you know
anything about roofs,
but it's, like,
a huge puddle.
It doesn't seem to go--
Do you work in that
department, in roofs?
Yeah, I've had--
I've had, like...
They've come out five times
or something already.
Okay.
Do you think it's the roofing
company that's...
that's the problem? Or do you
think, um, it's my roof?
[man, on phone]
Well...
[Isaac] I'm really trying to
expand my group of friends.
I mean, Reek, we see each other
in the laundry room sometimes,
and, you know, I think
there's something there.
I remember, uh,
I was doing laundry,
and you came in, and, uh, you didn't have
enough quarters to finish your dry cycle.
And I had some extra quarters, 'cause
I'm always well-prepared for things,
and, um, I gave them to you, and you
were really appreciative of it,
and that made me feel
very good.
Because a lot of times you do stuff for
people, they don't really appreciate it.
I wanted to get a couple guys
from the apartment complex
to come by,
have some brewskis,
have some pizza,
that's Margherita pizza.
I also got the barbeque chicken
pizza,
which has kinda more of
a party vibe to it, uh,
and I wanted to share some pretty
exciting news that I have,
uh, kind of just,
with a new group of friends.
Last night, me and the girl
of my dreams
decided to get married.
We decided to tie the knot.
Congrats.
Mazel tov.
Congratulations.
That's incredible.
You and Zoe, you decided
you're gonna get married?
Yeah, we just decided
to jump in.
We didn't want to wait around
to let the relationship develop
or whatever. We both felt it.
We wanted to take the feeling
that we had and just dive in.
You went to the courthouse
and you got married?
We had a ceremony
at her place.
Uh, we had a bunch of
candles lit.
It was very romantic.
And just, you know, we just
wanted to do it right.
Mazel tov.
- Wow.
- Exciting news.
- I'm so happy for you.
- Thank you, Charlie.
I really appreciate it.
I'm thinking about
taking the day--
I might go camping.
I might-- I might just go out
into the wilderness
and just kinda go...
"This is me!
This is the world!"
You find yourself
in that environment,
and you probably appreciate it
more being away from her.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Because you know,
you guys know
that you have a connection
when you're with each other,
but you also need to know that you
can be your own separate people.
That's where most relationships
go wrong,
and you guys are heading that off from
the start, and that's fucking smart.
That means a lot, man.
And, you know, I...
I can see, you know,
I can see us hanging out more,
you know?
Instead of just seeing each
other around the apartments,
the apartment complex,
it can be like,
"Hey, wanna come over for
a cup of coffee in the morning?"
- A brewski, you know?
- I like that.
- You know?
- I love that.
I mean, we're best friends,
and so having some new blood
and having some new energy
around here will be so great.
I mean, this could be
the new group.
I think we should all
show each other our penises.
I think we should all take
our penises out
and-and-and show them
to each other
and see who we all
really are.
All right, man.
- I love you.
- I love you, too, man.
Can you say it without
saying "man"?
I just feel like it means more.
You know what I mean?
I love you.
I'm in a really good place
right now,
and I'm just trying to, like...
you know?
I'm just trying to kinda
keep it protected.
So, uh...
- Gotcha.
- I'll see you soon.
Cool.
Take care of yourself, man.
- Yeah, you--
- All right?
Unlock it.
[sighs]
- [rock music playing]
- When will I be released
From, from your spell
I can't go on
Living in this memory
[phone ringing]
[ringing]
- Hello?
- Mom.
[chuckles]
Hey, honey, what are you doing?
I'm driving to Zoe's house
right now,
and I'm gonna go over there
and...
just tell her everything
that I've been feeling.
You know, I feel like she got
the wrong idea of me
the other night.
And, uh, I just kinda wanna
go over there and, like...
show her my best self,
you know?
Show her what I'm really about.
I think-- I think that's
a terrible idea.
I don't think you should
do that.
Oh, I'm actually--
I'm just calling to get
some affirmation.
I'm not really looking
for advice right now.
I think you're gonna
embarrass yourself.
That's just...
Why do you have to
do that, Mom?
Why can't you just support me
when I want you to support me.
Why can't you...
Okay, I-I love you, Mom.
I'll call you later.
[Mom sighs]
[screams]
[Isaac]
"One last hurrah.
"Everybody deserves it.
"Because I'm getting
married."
"Time to be on my own
"with the love in my heart.
"Camping time.
Peace."
"Peace out."
Peace out.
[groans]
"Camping. Marriage.
Life is amazing.
Life is amazing."
Why am I fucking
saying it twice?
Life is amazing.
"Camping. Marriage.
Life is amazing."
Great.
Yeah, that looks...
That looks really good.
[Charlie] Then I-- Yeah,
it kinda got away from me.
I didn't really know
what we were doing
or what was going on.
[Zoe]
Oh, my gosh.
[Charlie]
And so I just said, okay.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna go do my thing.
- Yeah.
- And I'm gonna let them do their thing.
Yeah, I mean...
There's no weirdness now,
you know?
Like, I...
I feel good.
Cool.
- Yeah. I feel really good.
- Cool.
You seem like you--
You seem good.
Um...
Thank you.
[chuckles]
Yeah. You're welcome.
Oh, man, I gotta clean this...
shithole up.
You want some help?
I mean...
Did you want help just
putting some--
Yeah, sure, that'd actually
be really nice.
Yeah, thank you. Yeah.
Let's do that.
Okay.
[chuckles]
I was roofied once and woke up
on a stretcher.
- Seriously?
- Yeah. It was fucked up.
In Bellevue in New York,
which is the psych ward.
- Oh, shit.
- Yeah.
Why... why...
I don't even know
what happened.
I just... was in a bar
and I had a drink or two
and then...
Yeah, I woke up
in the hospital.
Do you know what happened?
Okay, this is the really
weird part,
but I actually left before
they discharged me.
What does that mean?
Like, normally you go
to the hospital,
you have to be discharged.
I actually was still
so out of it
that I found myself strapped
on this thing,
and I woke up in my little
high-heeled outfit,
and I started taking
the straps off,
and I walked out.
I was strutting out
of this hospital in my...
miniskirt and high heels,
going...
- Yeah, I went to a diner.
- So you just left.
I just left.
And you went to a diner?
[laughs]
I went to a diner.
- Oh, my God.
- Really bad.
I think it is coming from,
like, the area
that you think it's
coming from.
But do you see that crack
over there?
- Yeah.
- Where there's streaks of water?
You mean the separation
of the beams?
- Okay, do you see those streaks?
- Yeah.
I think those are
water stains.
And I think that the water's
coming through that crack--
Oh, those are
water stains!
- And making those...
- Oh, my God.
- ...of where it's coming from.
- Oh, my God.
I'm thinking it's coming
out of that screw over there.
It's clearly right there.
Well, yeah, I really wanna,
like...
I don't know. I wanna,
like, stop it or something.
I wanna, like...
I mean, should I get some
putty or something?
Uh...
Yeah, no, yeah.
I don't know what
you put up there.
They way you said "putty"
was kinda funny.
Oh. Um...
- Yeah. Uh...
- Yes, do you have--
- Like an art supply putty?
- Sounds good, yes.
- Do you have putty?
- Yeah.
Great. I'll put some on there,
if you bring me the putty.
Okay, I'm gonna, uh...
I'm gonna make a call
really quickly, okay?
- Sure.
- I'll be right back.
Okay.
Hi! It's me just calling
to say hi.
I wanted to see
what you're up to.
And... yeah.
Thinking about you a lot
and our...
our... fun night.
And...
just missing you.
So call me.
All right. Bye.
[wind blowing]
It became this, like, incredible
feeling of, like,
this is the whole world,
right here.
It safe and it's--
there's trust,
and we can hurt each other.
And it's okay because
we're there and whatever.
And the next morning,
we went our separate ways.
And that night, she fucked
some waiter
from the restaurant
down the block.
She fucked someone?
I came over to her place
afterwards,
and I saw in her bed there was,
like, the waiter's...
the waiter's notebook thing?
[chuckles]
And it was just so
fucking stupid
'cause it was like we were
addicted to these feelings,
but, like...
It wasn't real.
We didn't...
We'd be, like, driving in
the car next to each other.
I'd look--
I'd be driving,
I'd look over to her
in the passenger seat
and realize that we had
nothing to say to each other.
We had nothing other than these
intense feelings that...
Holy shit, wait.
You really felt like
you had nothing in common
the whole time?
We didn't know each other.
Oh! Mm! Wow!
Yeah. Fuck, I really, like...
Oh...
[sighs]
Yeah. I, uh...
Yeah, I feel like I'm in
a weird place right now,
because...
Nah, I...
[spits]
[Zoe] Hey, it's me. I'm
just calling to say hi.
Uh, call me back.
I wanna see how your
day's going and...
Uh, yeah, just hear
what you're doing.
And, uh...
I guess, just...
make sure, I don't know...
your day's good.
So, uh...
call me.
I miss you.
Uh...
Okay. Bye.
[crickets chirping]
- Well, that's gross.
- What is this?
A vase. Oh!
Oh, it's a vase.
I got it in Santa Clarita.
This is disgusting.
I know. I was gonna ask you
how old this stuff is.
This is really, really bad.
I don't know, a day or two
or something.
- Oh, okay.
- I hate leftovers.
Well...
I feel like I'm kind of
getting tired, and--
I know, yeah.
Thank you so much
for coming by.
I'm sorry I'm serving you
this disgusting food right now.
No, it's cool.
I really appreciate that
you came by, you know?
- Yeah.
- I feel like a phone call would have sort of... yeah.
It would have been weird.
I happy to...
I happy that I...
Thank you for being cool
about al this.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
Um...
I... yeah.
This table is, um...
- Old.
- Yeah, it's old.
Um, well, I feel like--
I know. I know.
I...
I'm gonna-- I'm gonna leave
in a second.
- Um...
- Okay.
I didn't mean that like...
What I'm-- I...
I'm like...
Sorry, I know I'm being
weird right now.
I, uh...
- Are you...
- I'm being weird, yeah.
I'm telling you that I'm being
weird right now.
I'm trying to, like,
get...
gear myself up to
tell you something
that's kind of uncomfortable.
So I'm just... kind of
in my head about it.
That's all.
Are you good or...
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
Yeah. Um... Can we, like--
Can we get up from here?
I feel kind of stiff right now
at this table,
and I would love to, like...
- Yeah.
- Can we go in there?
Yeah.
I kinda just wanna, like,
get up, move...
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
My blood...
Do you want, like,
a drink or something or...
Yeah, do you have any more
of those water bottles?
Can I get a water bottle?
Thanks.
Sorry. Sorry that I'm
being like this.
No, are you okay?
Yeah. Yes. No, I'm okay.
You don't have to freak out.
I'm not gonna tell you that
I have, like, an STD.
Okay, good, 'cause I...
yeah.
- Whatever. Um...
- Okay.
I got, uh, I got really
turned on the other night
when were in the threesome.
- The threesome?
- Yeah.
I got really turned on...
um, by you crying.
And I feel like
I have to say that.
Because it's all that
I've been thinking about.
And I, like--
I can't.
I literally can't get it
out of my head.
And I don't really know
what to do about that.
So I just have
to tell you that.
- Oh, uh...
- That's all.
- Huh. That's so weird.
- Yeah.
I mean, it's not weird,
but I would never have thought
that would have been a turn-on.
It's kind of...
a little creepy.
Yeah, it is.
[chuckles]
- Because it is creepy.
- It is creepy, right?
- Oh, the crying?
- Yeah.
No, no, no, the crying
wasn't creepy.
I feel creepy.
I feel creepy.
- Why?
- 'Cause I, um...
I got really turned on,
sexually,
and I was also really moved
emotionally,
and I had never felt those
two things together before.
And I felt those two things
together for the first time,
and it kinda blew
my fucking mind,
and that's kinda all...
I have this image that I can't
get out of my head right now.
Um, and it's me and you,
and, um...
And I'm, uh, I'm-I'm...
I start by I'm sucking
on your nipples.
Um, and...
Um, I-I like, work my way
down to your pussy,
and, um...
I, uh, and I call you "Mommy."
And I'm, like...
I'm, like, nestled
into your pussy, and, um...
and I'm, like, crying
and I'm saying,
"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,
I'm so sorry."
It was like I did
something wrong,
and you're beating my head,
um, to, like, punish me.
And, um, I'm like...
And then we fuck.
And I call you "Mommy"
the whole time,
and I'm, like, talking
in a baby voice.
And it... you know...
This is kinda...
This is kinda weird actually.
Because I have this weird,
uh...
I have this biz...
I'm kinda embarrassed
to say this,
but I have this weird
fantasy about, uh...
having these enormous breasts.
- Huh.
- And...
But they're filled with
so much milk.
And... you know...
You're just sucking on them
and drinking all the milk
from them.
You mean me? I? Me?
Or just, like, a person?
Well, I guess it was anybody,
but, you know, it's interesting
that you have this...
Yeah.
And then you're kind of,
like--
I guess I have to sort of
take care of you,
and you're just drinking
my milk,
but you're, like, my baby,
and I'm comforting you
and you're crying.
But simultaneously, we're both
kinda of getting off.
I don't know if we're
rubbing each other
or what's happening.
- Oh, my God.
- [laughing]
Um...
that's fucking awesome.
That's really cool.
That's like what I said.
Holy shit.
- That sounds really...
- This is...
That sounds really fucked up,
but it sounds really hot to me.
- I know. Why?
- I don't know why.
I don't know. But I don't
have big breasts.
- You have great boobs?
- Do I have?
You haven't seen them, though.
I saw them through your dress
the other night.
You saw them through
my dress?
I don't know. I mean,
I get the picture.
They're great.
You have good tits.
I don't have to see them
to know that.
They're not a terrible...
They're kinda cute,
I guess.
But in that fantasy,
they're these kinda like
big, fat tits,
you know?
- Can I...
- Will you...
maybe...
like, just...
I don't know. Do you wanna
touch them, maybe?
Yeah, I do.
- Can I--
- Can you pretend they're big?
I don't have to,
they're great.
I know, but I kind of
love big boobs.
Isn't that weird?
No, I can pretend
they're big, yeah.
Can I, um...
Will you go down...
Will you go down here?
Yeah, so I'll go...
I'm gonna sit right here.
I'm gonna come--
I'm gonna go down there.
You're gonna go
down here.
Okay.
And...
I guess you can just start
by...
touching my boobs.
Okay.
We'll just go slowly.
You can touch my boobs,
and then you can
kind of mush them together
a little bit.
Yeah, like that.
Ah, that feels good.
Will you, maybe,
drink the milk?
- Can I call you Mommy?
- Yeah, you call me Mommy.
- Ah!
- Mommy. Mommy.
Oh.
Mommy, can I have
more milk, please?
Ohh, drink the milk.
Drink the milk.
Keep going.
- Mommy?
- Grab this one while you do it.
- Am I in trouble?
- No, you've been a good boy.
Say that I'm in trouble.
You're in trouble.
You've been a bad boy.
I'm sorry, Mommy!
I'm sorry!
Will you grab my back while you do it?
And just suck my nipple harder.
Mmm, that's good.
Mommy?
Keep calling me Mommy.
You've been a bad boy.
[Charlie crying]
Zoe!
Zoe!
- Hey.
- Hey, man.
- How's it going?
- What, uh...
What are you doing here?
Yeah, I...
Look, man, I...
I just felt like there was
stuff between us.
I felt like there was static
in the communication.
And I wanted to come over here
and clear the air.
You know?
And look, man, I...
I've been kind of
a jerk lately.
And I wanted to come over
and apologize for that.
What's... what's that
on your head, man?
Is that a baby's bonnet?
[laughs]
Yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Oh, yeah, she's got all these
little random things,
like, lying around
the house.
And, uh, I threw it on
my head as a joke.
I was like, "Whaaa!
I'm a little baby!"
Cool, man.
Hey!
Hi!
Come on in!
So I've been spending
kinda the past day
thinking about what this is.
Like... is it real?
I feel like we jumped into this
thing really fast.
But I-I-I just...
I haven't been able to get you
out of my head.
And whether it's too fast
or not,
that doesn't matter to me.
I think that this is...
This is real enough for me.
It's the realist thing
I've ever felt.
And so, you know,
before we discuss either
the threesome or whatever,
I just wanna, like...
I wrote a song, and I wanna
share it with you, so...
[clears throat]
This is my grandfather's
guitar,
and he bought it when
he married my grandmother.
Um, so...
he let me borrow it
for this.
[strumming loudly]
Hold on.
[strumming continues]
Zoe, I know
we jumped in quick
But you are everything
that is so fantastic
With the way I feel
You're spectacular
You're spectacular
You're so spectacular
I feel like I'm getting
the chords a little mixed up.
Like, I'm getting--
I feel like I'm getting
a little bit mixed up
with the chords and stuff.
Oh, that's fine.
It's, I mean, wow.
The way I feel, I feel is
not getting through in the song.
It's amazing.
Just, you know,
like...
I'm right here.
Maybe if I just do it
a cappella.
Yeah, okay.
Uh...
Zoe, I know
we jumped in quick
But there's so much I feel
I can't deal with it
When I'm alone, I feel
like I'm without you
The past couple days
have been a hit
The way I feel,
I can't deal with it
When I'm alone, I feel
like I'm without you
I'm, like out there
in the wilderness,
one with nature,
and I'm like...
this is an important time.
I'm gonna sing a great song.
And so I came up with it,
and there it was.
- It's really beautiful.
- Thank you.
- You're really beautiful.
- Aw, thanks.
So, uh, I think I found
the perfect spot, guys.
Front and center.
Let's get you guys
married, huh?
Oh, my gosh! We're doing this.
This is wild.
Shoot, it's only
15 minute parking.
Um, why don't we...
why don't we just jump out,
and you can cruise
down the block,
and we can meet you out,
down at a coffee shop
or something
in a little bit?
You know what?
I'll go down the block.
I'll get hour parking
down there,
and then we'll all
go in together.
Oh, I don't think there's
hour parking here.
- There's--
- What do you mean?
I don't know.
My friend just lives here,
and she said there wasn't
any hour parking.
She lives right over there.
And I know that she doesn't
ever get parking for an hour.
Maybe there's, like,
a special
"People that are getting
married" parking area?
That seems weird.
Well, let's just drive
around the block
and get a little parking
and then--
'Cause we wanna
walk in together.
You've got your best man.
I think it's probably best
if you just
drive down the block,
and you can do some loops
around the block, and...
It's okay if the car
gets towed.
I will pay for the tow.
I will take care of it.
I'm happy to do it.
I wanna get out of the car.
I feel really uncomfortable
right now.
I'm just...
getting burnt.
[Isaac] You'll just be my best
man from the car, I guess.
I mean, it's fine.
We'll be in and out, man.
That's a really good idea,
you guys.
Go ahead. Go in there.
I'll be here.
- All right. We'll be right out.
- Bye.
- [guitar strumming]
- [Isaac] Zoe!
I love you so much
It's all I think about
Crib right there, right?
And we'll have, like,
the fucking thing--
I feel like the crib should be--
The window, you know?
If it rains or something?
No, I mean, just 'cause
it's kind of a pretty view.
- Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I don't wanna block it.
I just feel, like, this room
has more potential
than just, like,
a giant closet.
What do we wanna do with this
pile of clothes over here?
I think we should
keep that there.
Um, we should just...
put all the rest of the clothes
over there?
- Hey.
- What?
This can be, like,
a fun thing.
- Okay, yeah.
- All right?
This is, like, a good thing.
Am I acting weird
or something?
No, you're acting, like,
stressed out.
Stressed out?
Oh, I'm sorry.
We got Charlie coming
over here soon.
We got Charlie coming over.
We're gonna have
some dinner.
Yeah.
Hey. This is, like,
a really--
- This is a cool thing.
- I know.
We're clearing out,
like, our kid's room.
Mm.
God.
It's, like, our baby's room.
[whispering]
Holy shit.
You just know that you have
certain pets,
and then you can
train the pets
to have different abilities.
And you can buy them
weapons and stuff.
Like, I had this one
neo-pet
that was like a dragon
that had a sword,
and it was like the most powerful
sword that you could have.
I wish I retained
some of it.
It just feels like I spent--
We spent, like,
$200,000 on school,
and I don't know fucking
anything about bonobos
or monkeys or anything.
- [chuckles] Bonobos.
- What?
She was a bonobo specialist.
I don't know shit about them.
She's, like, the queen of
the bonobos
among the humans
in the world.
She was great, man.
And the books that
she assigned us to read
were all books that, like,
actually made me feel
really good.
You know, they weren't just
stupid textbooks,
they were the kind of books
you'd read
if you were, like,
on mushrooms.
Did we get that
chocolate cake?
Mm-hmm. You want me to
get it right now?
- Yeah, will you get it?
- You want some?
- Yeah, chocolate.
- It's $30, dude.
- You're telling me--
- No, you don't have to pay.
I'll be right back.
[door closes]
How far along are you?
Why, you want a glass of milk?
[whispering]
Yes, Mommy.
- Yo, bitch.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo!
Dude! Yo!
- Hey.
- What?
- Are you good?
- Yeah.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm good.
One sec.
[crying]
Hey, man, are you okay?
Hey, man.
Hey, it's okay, man.
[crying continues]
- Charlie?
- Zoe?
- Hey!
- Hi!
- How's it going?
- Good. How are you?
Good. I haven't seen you
in a while.
I know. It's be a while now,
hasn't it?
This is my friend, Isaac.
- Hello... [indistinct]
- Hello. Hi.
- Very nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
What's up, guys?
- Nothing, just hangin'.
- Yeah?
I want-- I want to see you.
I want to catch up with you
and stuff.
I know. I would love that.
It's been a really--
My place? You wanna have
dinner here?
- Yeah! Yeah!
- Maybe, like...
I don't know. Have a dance
party or something?
Yeah, let's do that.
Let's have a dance party.
Fuck, yeah. Awesome.
Cool, that'll be fun.
Um, tomorrow, or what are
you thinking, this weekend?
- Yeah, tomorrow night?
- Can I bring some people?
What?
Can I bring some friends,
or is this-- Is it a party?
To be totally clear, just 'cause
I don't wanna... do this.
Uh... we're interested
in having a threesome,
and we're wondering if you're
also interested in this.
I mean this with
complete respect.
I just feel like we should
be upfront about
what kind of we're
interested in
and, uh, and not kind of,
you know,
feel like we're luring you
into any weird situation
where your expectations
are different.
I just-- I wanted to be upfront
about that, if that's okay.
- Uh, are you--
- I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry.
Wait, are you guys serious?
Wait. Are you-- Are you serious?
- We were, like--
- Is this a joke?
- Okay. Well--
- It's not a joke.
I'm sorry if I upset you
or anything.
We were, like,
talking about threesomes--
I feel like you guys are
punking me or something.
We're not punking you, I...
We-- No, we...
were talking about
threesomes and stuff,
and, like, and your name...
came up.
And my name came up?
Yeah. I mean we weren't--
I wasn't--
- Look...
- I didn't know that we were gonna--
Just let me handle it.
Look, I-I...
you seem like a great person.
I think it could be
a lot of fun.
Uh, we're having a dinner
tomorrow night.
Maybe you wanna come to dinner
just to, like...
It's not-- We're not, like,
having a dinner.
We're having dinner, and
maybe you could be there,
and we could get to know
each other better.
- Um...
- I do want you to come to dinner.
I wanna hang out--
I do wanna hang out with you
and catch up with you
and have dinner.
Okay, wait. This is not a joke?
This isn't a joke.
Okay, I'm just gonna make
this really clear.
It's not-- It's not a joke,
but if you come to dinner,
- and you're not interested--
- Wait.
I'm just gonna end the call.
It's been really nice
talking to you.
I'm glad that we got to meet
over here,
uh, and I will talk--
we'll talk to you soon.
- Um, okay, yeah.
- I think it's...
Just hopefully you come
to dinner,
and it'd be great
to see you at dinner.
Just to clarify,
just to clarify.
- Farewell.
- Uh...
- [beeping]
- Uh...
It's all on the table.
I guarantee you,
she texts you tomorrow
and says, "I'm coming
to dinner."
I don't think you
can make that guarantee.
I guarantee it.
I absolutely,
100% promise you
that that's probably
what's gonna happen.
I think I probably am just not gonna
have a relationship with her anymore.
- That's fine.
- That's okay.
- And yet, you know...
- Thank you for...
...the most honest thing
prevails.
[sighs]
What are you gonna do?
- There's nothing I can do.
- Right.
I think the text message
"Down for dinner"
also means that she's
down for a threesome.
- Yeah, maybe.
- I know! Yes!
- Yes, that's what it means.
- Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, maybe.
I don't know, man!
This is so exciting!
This is, like--
This is honestly--
I've been wanting to do this
for so long.
I know, I know.
It means it's probably
gonna happen.
That's the best part about it.
Are you not nervous at all
about it?
I just feel like...
I'm about to have this
incredible experience
with this, I think,
pretty cool chick
and my best friend.
[mutters]
Yeah.
I'm your best friend,
too, right?
I feel so put on the spot when
you ask me that sometimes.
I just wanna know.
Because you never call me
your best friend,
but I feel like
I am your best friend.
I don't wanna
throw that around.
It's not throwing it around
if it's a real thing.
I just wanna know that
I have a best friend!
It so weird. I'm always
calling you it,
and you never say...
Well, you call me
your best friend too much.
All right, man.
Do you wanna just get your fucking
place ready for this threesome?
I really wanna show each other
our penises
before she comes over.
I think we should probably
save that
for the actual thing.
If she turns out to be down, and we've
never seen each other's penises before,
and we're in and we see it
for that situation,
and we see it for the first time,
there's gonna be a weird moment.
And I feel so insecure
about this whole thing.
I don't want there to be
a weird moment in it.
I don't...
She's almost here, right?
And...
I want us to do this
before she gets here.
All right.
If this-- If it'll make you
feel better,
I'm fine to do it.
I just...
- It will.
- All right.
Should we just turn
and look on three?
- That's sounds fine.
- Okay.
All right.
Okay.
[both]
One, two, three.
[Charlie chuckles]
All right.
I feel a lot better. Yeah.
Did you just laugh?
No, I got, like,
a little nervous.
I don't think I laughed.
I feel better.
I'm happy we saw.
We're gonna see 'em anyway.
Okay.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, this is great.
Okay.
Let's...
All right, I'm gonna
pull my pants up.
Um, and then my dad
told my little brother
he could, uh, get a, uh,
a car--
'cause he just got
his license--
for, uh, if he finished his
community service hours.
So that was, I don't know,
it's not that exciting, but--
[Isaac]
I'm gonna be really honest.
I'm a little bit distracted
by the fact
that you're here right now.
I personally didn't think that
you were gonna come over,
uh, after I mentioned
the whole threesome idea.
- Oh, um...
- Just gonna put that out there.
Oh, wait, okay.
I'm-I'm kinda wondering
the same thing.
Are you... you're--
You wanna do this?
Is that what you're saying?
Wait, hold on.
You...
Okay, so you are asking me
to have a threesome, basically.
Uh, I wouldn't say that
we're asking you to.
- I don't think--
- Oh, okay.
Like, I guess I'm curious,
are you interested
in a threesome?
And if not,
that's okay, too.
We just want you
to be comfortable.
That feels pretty much good
to say, the way I said it.
Um...
[chuckles nervously]
I mean...
You guys...
wanna have a threesome.
- I think we do.
- Yeah.
Yeah, we just, we just...
we just kinda wanna, like,
make sure that we're all
understood.
Oh, I see. Okay.
Yeah, okay, we are.
- Understood.
- We're-we're understood.
I don't think we need to even
have any more dinner.
Yeah, I don't even think
I could eat any more.
I've been eating a lot
to try to get us...
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Um, but thank you.
The sweet rice was really good.
Oh, yeah, I was happy with
how it came out.
Do you guys wanna discuss
boundaries?
- I think so. Yeah.
- Okay.
Maybe no, like...
hardcore stuff.
I think it's best we define
hardcore at the outset.
- Oh, okay, yeah.
- 'Cause I don't know.
I mean, I think we all might
have different--
Let's just all be on
the same page
as to what hardcore
actually means.
Actually, I have a good idea.
How about we just see
if it occurs,
and then I'll just...
say something?
I kinda prefer--
That could be dangerous.
- Yeah.
- Oh, really?
Just kinda like...
start touching each other.
Let's touch each other's
hands.
- Um... Oh!
- What are you doing?
I thought we could...
I thought we could...
I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm sorry.
I was trying to start some--
I don't know.
I-I personally feel
just stiff and odd
and unnatural, and I think
that maybe...
I don't know, like...
get in our body or something.
Yeah, I think we should
get in our bodies.
- Get in our bodies, you know?
- Yeah.
[man singing in French]
[Zoe giggles]
[Zoe pants]
[cloth rips]
[mutters]
Oh, shit.
- [whispers] What?
- [whispers] I ripped my dress.
[passionate moaning]
[passionate moaning]
Hey, hey.
- Hey, are you okay?
- Hey, what's going on?
- Hey.
- Hey.
[Isaac] What did you do, man?
- [Charlie mutters]
- [crying]
- What'd you just do?
- I didn't do anything.
Hey, what's going on?
What's wrong?
I don't know,
I just got really...
Oh, my God, I'm embarrassed.
It's okay,
it's okay, it's okay.
- I'm sorry.
- It's okay.
- What's up?
- Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.
- What's wrong?
- I just feel like--
Oh, my God.
I just feel like I haven't
been touched in so long.
Just so fucking lonely.
I really...
Yeah, it's hard.
Oh! I'm just fucking pissed
or something!
[softly] It's okay. It's okay.
I know...
I know what you're feeling.
It's okay.
Is this-- Oh, my God...
[growls]
- Do you wanna stop?
- No.
I do not wanna stop.
Let's take our pants off.
Let's take our pants off,
okay?
- Okay.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's keep going.
Are you sure?
All right.
Sorry, I'm just, like,
can't believe I just did that.
Maybe we should like,
we should take a second.
Oh, yeah, okay.
- Sorry, did I just...
- No, no, no, no.
It's okay.
It's really okay.
Look, we're all...
We're all here together.
- Okay.
- Okay?
I just, I don't know what's
going on with me right now.
I'm just so overwhelmed. I feel like I
haven't been touched in a really long time.
You know? Like, I just feel
like, um...
I'm a little out of sorts
or something.
- Okay.
- Uh...
Anyway, um...
Maybe we should take
a timeout?
No, no, no.
Let's take our pants off.
Let's take
our pants off.
I think this is a good id--
This is a good time
to take the pants off.
Off.
[whimpering] Will you guys
come into bed with me?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right.
[Zoe whimpers]
[Zoe sobs]
- I'm so sorry.
- Are you still crying?
No. I'm not.
I just need to be hugged.
- Okay.
- I'm sorry.
- Okay, just--
- It's fine, okay.
I'm just totally fucking around.
[Isaac]
Charlie...
- Hmm?
- Get in here, man.
Okay. Um...
Oh, sorry.
[Zoe] Will you hang on for a second?
- Yeah, yeah.
- I just feel like-- - I
honestly think this might not--
Oh, God. Are you okay?
- Sorry.
- It's okay, it's okay.
- Are you okay?
- Guys, I really think we should stop.
[laughs]
Oh, my gosh.
- I am so sorry I hit your head.
- It's okay. It's okay.
This is, like, a real overwhelming,
emotional thing for me.
- It didn't hurt.
- I'm sorry.
I just-- I honestly think
that is not going that--
No, no, no, it's fine.
This is completely
just connected, that's all.
It's connected.
Please just... hold me.
[sighs]
[Zoe breathing deeply]
[whispers]
It's fine.
It's okay.
- Don't worry about it.
- Just get in.
I'll get in, I'll get in,
I'll get in.
- Come on.
- Stop.
Just try to get in.
- [Zoe moaning]
- [Charlie whispers] Okay.
- Come on.
- I can't. I really can't.
[Zoe moaning]
[Isaac] Come on.
Charlie.
[bed squeaking rhythmically]
Dude, I'll close the door.
[rock music playing loudly]
[Zoe moaning loudly]
[passionate moaning]
[panting]
[passionate moaning]
[sighs]
- Good morning.
- Yeah, good morning, yeah.
Wearing my, uh, my boxers
and T-shirt.
Yeah.
[nervous chuckle]
Thanks for letting me
wear them.
No worries.
Um...
so, yeah, man.
I...
The threesome didn't go down
how we thought it was
gonna happen.
- It's all right, man.
- Okay, cool.
- All good.
- All right.
It's just like I wanna make
sure you and I
are on the same page
and are cool.
- We're good.
- We're good?
We're good.
How is she?
- She's good, man.
- She seemed like, uh...
What was going on with her?
She just got out of a really
intense relationship,
uh, and so she's very
stirred up.
But, uh, I think last night
was really good for her.
- Good.
- Yeah.
So, um...
you know...
I-I just feel like I was
happy to be there for her
in that moment,
and I felt like...
you know...
what happened was...
what happened.
As far as I go,
I left.
I came in here.
I, like...
had a little "me" time,
did a little reading.
I just went,
you know what?
I think I'm gonna
simplify this
and-and leave the room.
I-I really appreciate that.
Um, I'm gonna spend a couple
days at her house.
We're gonna kind of get to know
each other a little better.
- Okay. Wow.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- So...
- Wow.
Yeah.
- Good for you guys, man. Wow.
- Thanks, brother.
You know, really.
I'm really happy to, like...
make that connection.
You were the connection-maker.
It feels like she was just
speaking
the same language as me.
Like, she, uh...
she could understand...
like...
the-the craziest nuances
of everything I was trying
to say to her.
And-and I could--
I felt the same way
about what she was
saying to me.
It felt cosmic, you know?
- Wow.
- Yeah.
- It's so good. So good.
- Yeah.
It was really special, man.
- Oh, that's so good.
- Yeah.
It's...
It makes me wanna cry.
It makes me wanna laugh.
It makes me wanna
sing and dance.
I'd sing right now. I just don't
wanna wake her up.
Oh, man.
All right, brother.
Be well.
[clears throat]
Be well.
[door opens and closes]
[sighs]
[passionate moaning]
You're my girlfriend now?
I guess so.
And I'm your boyfriend now?
I mean, I'd almost
feel silly.
- I know.
- Right?
Should we not put labels on it?
I don't know.
I think...
No, I think that...
I think that--
- What do we call each other?
- I don't know.
Do we introduce each other to
everyone in our lives?
Um...
'Cause I want everyone to know
who you are.
Like, I'm proud of you.
Like, you're...
like, you're an extension
of me.
Yeah.
It's so wild, 'cause it's
just like--
Girlfriend.
I hate that word.
- I know.
- You know?
- It's so trivial.
- Yeah. It feels-- Yeah.
- It feels like we're going to the mall together.
- And we're in middle school.
- Like a movie. "Here's my girlfriend."
- Yeah.
- I don't wanna go to the mall with you.
- I don't either.
- I wanna go to the moon with you.
- Yeah.
Should we get married?
- Let's get-- - I feel like
we should just get married.
- Let's get married.
- You know?
I feel like we should
just get married.
Let's just get married.
[both gasp]
Oh, my gosh!
Really? You want to?
I wanna marry you.
[gasps]
Really?
- I wanna marry you.
--Oh, my gosh, that's so--
- Let's get married.
- Holy shit.
Let's just get married.
We're not-- We're not going
too fast, right?
I don't know. Who cares?
Whatever!
I feel like fuck it, right?
I mean, let's just go for it.
- Yeah!
- You'll do your photography.
I'll figure out what
my thing is.
What do you-- What do you--
What is your thing?
- I don't even know.
- What do you mean?
- I don't know what my thing is.
- How do you live?
I-- My-- I just, like,
figure out how to make money.
I'll, like, cater
and bartend and--
Oh, I love that.
Just moment by moment.
I'll just, like, figure it
the fuck out.
Yeah.
Um...
So...
- We're getting married.
- We're getting married.
Do you wanna live here?
It's like...
Like, you would just
live here, right?
I would just live here.
Uh, I'll-- I mean,
We'll just move all my...
I've got a few bags
right now.
I don't have much stuff.
What if this is our ring?
Instead of having rings,
we'll just use this.
And we can just carry this
around.
- Okay.
- And it's like...
no one will know why we're
carrying around
this little ball
except us.
Oh, I love that.
But do we have to have
a tennis ball?
It's kinda disgusting.
I think we have to embrace it.
Maybe 'cause it's the moment.
- Yeah, okay, yeah.
- 'Cause it's...
Oh, Allie, you're part of
our little triad.
She's the one that decided
that this is the rings.
[gasps]
Thank you.
Wait, so did she just
marry us right now?
She just married us
right now.
We're married now?
Well, I think we should have
a proper ceremony.
No, no, we should
have a proper ceremony.
Sit.
Speak.
[both howling]
- [rock music playing]
- From all my wounds
In my life
It took everything in me
To get over, over you
And I'm still trying
Charlie: Mom, Mom,
you're not listening.
I didn't ever care about the sex.
It wasn't about that.
She and I had a crush on each
other when we were younger.
That's all.
Honey, I really need
to focus.
I cooked beautifully.
I cleaned my apartment
beautifully.
I was so nice to her
when she was crying.
Was I acting weird?
I could have been acting
kinda weird.
Honey, I really need
to do this work.
I might have been acting
really weird.
I honestly think
you're looking at it
from a different...
from the wrong perspective.
I think you need to shift
your perspective on it.
The key in these
situations,
if you're gonna have
a threesome,
is to know that,
first of all,
they're always gonna choose
one or the other.
Even if it's not
a physical choice,
energetically, there's
gonna be a choice.
Do you remember the time,
about a year and a half ago,
when I went to the Wu-Tang Clan
concert back in Seattle?
And I went with
that guy Robert?
And at the last minute,
he pulled an extra ticket,
and he's like, "Do you want
to invite a friend?"
I was like, "Yeah.
My friend Lucy's in town."
And so, uh, the three of us
end up going to Seattle.
We're at the concert,
we're drinking,
we're, you know,
we smoked a little weed,
and we end up back
at the hotel,
and pretty soon I realized,
you know,
I knew what was up.
It was gonna be
a threesome.
So...
[chuckles]
I started feeling the vibes
that he was choosing her.
And, mind you,
we'd been drinking
these cucumber mint mojitos.
And I looked down.
I don't know
what came over me,
but I had this burst
of inspiration,
and I grabbed that
cucumber,
and I started using it
on him.
Yeah. I got weird.
He loved it.
All of a sudden,
it was all about me.
He chose me.
And I gotta tell you,
ever since I've been doing that,
I've been getting
so much D.
Like, an astonishing amount.
Mom!
"Schedule your
civil ceremony."
- Tomorrow you'll have my last name.
- Twenty-five dollars?
Tomorrow, you'll be,
like, a different person.
I...
I kinda like my last name.
Well, we're gonna get married.
You gotta take my last name.
But I like my last name.
But...
Can we do a hyphen
or something?
I don't know.
- That's kinda weird.
- Yeah.
But my last name's better.
What if you took
my last name?
What if you took
my last name?
I-I... People made fun of me
for my last name my whole life.
I'll do it, yeah.
You'll take my last name?
Kind of a way out for me.
I'm into it.
- You got a weird last name.
- It's a bad last name.
It's kind of... I just don't
really think I'd want that.
- No! I don't want it.
- Is that bad?
No. Let's get out of that last
name and go to your last name.
Oh, cool!
My dad will love that!
[rain pattering]
- What should we do now? I mean, It's kind of...
- I don't know.
Do you wanna say some-- I feel
like we should say something.
I promise to be loyal!
- And I promise...
- Are you joking right now?
No, I'm serious. I thought you
were supposed to do that.
I thought you were joking
for a sec.
- Oh, my God!
- I got kinda scared.
- I'm so sorry.
- It's totally cool.
- What? -'Cause the way
you were doing it,
it seemed like you were joking.
I thought that was
a grand statement or something.
No, I--
No, it was great.
- I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
- Oh. Okay.
I vow to never leave your side,
no matter what!
And if things get hard...
I'll be right there,
by your side!
And I will not leave!
And I want everyone
to hear that!
Oh.
That I will not walk away!
I will remain loyal...
and I will be with you,
no matter what!
Oh. Wow.
[rain pattering]
We need-- We need to exchange
something to each other.
- That's what we need to do.
- Yeah.
Yeah, we need
to exchange something.
Like, I'll cut
some of my hair off.
Just little bit. I mean, it's--
you know, whatever.
I'll burn mine,
I don't care.
I cut these with kitchen
scissors.
This is the beginning
of our life together.
[whispering] This is the
beginning of our life together.
- [rock music playing] I can
hear you from the wayward
And I can picture it
Let it go,
we all lose control
So let it be
You're free to feel
what you want
There's no such thing
as fate
You'll see
There's no such thing
as faith
Believe
Whoo!
Let's just wrestle!
[laughing]
I'm gonna change my status
on Facebook
from "single" to "married" now.
Oh, my God.
[laughing, shouting]
Can you imagine
a little baby right here?
- Nice to have a feeling, wouldn't it?
- Yeah.
We'll have the baby.
Okay, so, wait.
How many do you wanna have?
- Like, four.
- Me, too!
I wanna have so many kids.
Actually, like, I wanna have,
like, six.
And maybe adopt a couple.
'Cause I-I spent
fucking...
25 fucking years...
trying to be the guy that's
coming into a group,
being like "Like me! Like me!"
and no one fucking likes me,
and I'm sick of it.
I'm...
I'm never gonna be
that guy again.
And now that I have you,
I don't have to be that
fucking guy anymore.
It's just you and me...
And that's it.
I mean, maybe now
that we have each other that...
like, we don't have to...
prove something?
Yeah.
- [rock music playing]
From all my wounds
In my life
It took everything in me
To get over, over you
And I'm still trying
Now I'd be lying
if I said I wasn't lonely
Baby, reach out and hold me
And tell me my wrongs
- Maybe I can have a cigarette?
- Yeah, why don't you have a cigarette,
- and I'll kick it in here.
- Okay. You don't mind that I have a cigarette?
- No.
- Okay, cool.
- Oh, I forgot--
- You didn't know that I...
I think that's something
we could probably
talk about at some point,
right?
Like, if that gets
in the wa...
- Yeah.
- Yeah, it's like...
Yeah. Of course.
Fine.
- Yeah, I just...
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, maybe we can just...
Those are things
that we can talk about
as the as the relationship
moves forward, right?
- Of course. Of course.
- Can I wear this?
- Yeah, that's fine.
I feel like a little...
not like I...
- Yeah, not in, like, a controlling way or anything.
- No, no, no, no.
It's kinda like...
it's a...
It's the taste and stuff,
of the cigarette in mouth.
- Could you taste it?
- No, no, no.
I just-- That's something
that I've been exposed to,
and I know what it
tastes like.
It's not a big deal.
Have a cigarette,
enjoy yourself.
Okay.
- We're great.
- You don't care?
- No, it's totally cool.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna go.
- Okay, okay.
- I'm gonna have one.
- All right, bye.
[rain pattering]
I can-- I can hear you,
uh...
I can hear you--
Oh, just 'cause...
there's this thing.
- Hi! Are you mad at me?
- Hey. No.
- You're mad at me, right?
- No, I'm not mad, I'm not mad.
- You would tell me, right?
- I'd tell you right away.
- Promise?
- Mm-hmm.
Okay.
If you sit right here,
I can watch you.
Why don't we just wait until
you get back inside?
- Okay.
- Okay.
I love you.
Love you.
Can you say it again?
- Love you.
- [whispers] I love you.
[rain pattering]
[Charlie]
I'm so ha-- I'm so happy!
[laughs]
Oh, you do?
[laughs] I love that about you.
I love that about you.
[laughs]
I love it!
Oh, I love it! I love it!
Oh, what's up, guys?
So, what's going on?
What's going on?
What's going on?
Hey! Hey!
[rain pattering]
[birds twittering]
Did it rain on us last night?
Oh, fuck, there's a leak
in the roof.
I fucking just fixed that.
- [groans]
- [chuckles] It's okay.
- Do you drink coffee?
- Uh, do you have tea? Do you have herbal tea?
- Herbal tea. Uh...
- Do you have decaf?
I don't-- I don't think
I have decaf.
- Okay.
- Um...
I'll take a coffee.
That sounds great.
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
- [lawn mower buzzing]
- [dog barking in distance]
[hammering in distance]
[hammering continues]
- It's good.
- It's good.
We'll figure out any weirdness
and rough patches.
- Yeah.
- It's kinda natural.
- You know? Like... it's just natural.
- Yeah.
- Okay. I love you. I'll see you soon.
- Okay.
Do what you need to do.
I'll do what I need to do.
Okay.
Bye.
[Zoe] I'm actually am having
a huge problem with my roof,
and I wanted to see,
um...
It's just-- I had it fixed
last--
I had it fixed last year
and it's still leaking.
And I don't know if you know
anything about roofs,
but it's, like,
a huge puddle.
It doesn't seem to go--
Do you work in that
department, in roofs?
Yeah, I've had--
I've had, like...
They've come out five times
or something already.
Okay.
Do you think it's the roofing
company that's...
that's the problem? Or do you
think, um, it's my roof?
[man, on phone]
Well...
[Isaac] I'm really trying to
expand my group of friends.
I mean, Reek, we see each other
in the laundry room sometimes,
and, you know, I think
there's something there.
I remember, uh,
I was doing laundry,
and you came in, and, uh, you didn't have
enough quarters to finish your dry cycle.
And I had some extra quarters, 'cause
I'm always well-prepared for things,
and, um, I gave them to you, and you
were really appreciative of it,
and that made me feel
very good.
Because a lot of times you do stuff for
people, they don't really appreciate it.
I wanted to get a couple guys
from the apartment complex
to come by,
have some brewskis,
have some pizza,
that's Margherita pizza.
I also got the barbeque chicken
pizza,
which has kinda more of
a party vibe to it, uh,
and I wanted to share some pretty
exciting news that I have,
uh, kind of just,
with a new group of friends.
Last night, me and the girl
of my dreams
decided to get married.
We decided to tie the knot.
Congrats.
Mazel tov.
Congratulations.
That's incredible.
You and Zoe, you decided
you're gonna get married?
Yeah, we just decided
to jump in.
We didn't want to wait around
to let the relationship develop
or whatever. We both felt it.
We wanted to take the feeling
that we had and just dive in.
You went to the courthouse
and you got married?
We had a ceremony
at her place.
Uh, we had a bunch of
candles lit.
It was very romantic.
And just, you know, we just
wanted to do it right.
Mazel tov.
- Wow.
- Exciting news.
- I'm so happy for you.
- Thank you, Charlie.
I really appreciate it.
I'm thinking about
taking the day--
I might go camping.
I might-- I might just go out
into the wilderness
and just kinda go...
"This is me!
This is the world!"
You find yourself
in that environment,
and you probably appreciate it
more being away from her.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Because you know,
you guys know
that you have a connection
when you're with each other,
but you also need to know that you
can be your own separate people.
That's where most relationships
go wrong,
and you guys are heading that off from
the start, and that's fucking smart.
That means a lot, man.
And, you know, I...
I can see, you know,
I can see us hanging out more,
you know?
Instead of just seeing each
other around the apartments,
the apartment complex,
it can be like,
"Hey, wanna come over for
a cup of coffee in the morning?"
- A brewski, you know?
- I like that.
- You know?
- I love that.
I mean, we're best friends,
and so having some new blood
and having some new energy
around here will be so great.
I mean, this could be
the new group.
I think we should all
show each other our penises.
I think we should all take
our penises out
and-and-and show them
to each other
and see who we all
really are.
All right, man.
- I love you.
- I love you, too, man.
Can you say it without
saying "man"?
I just feel like it means more.
You know what I mean?
I love you.
I'm in a really good place
right now,
and I'm just trying to, like...
you know?
I'm just trying to kinda
keep it protected.
So, uh...
- Gotcha.
- I'll see you soon.
Cool.
Take care of yourself, man.
- Yeah, you--
- All right?
Unlock it.
[sighs]
- [rock music playing]
- When will I be released
From, from your spell
I can't go on
Living in this memory
[phone ringing]
[ringing]
- Hello?
- Mom.
[chuckles]
Hey, honey, what are you doing?
I'm driving to Zoe's house
right now,
and I'm gonna go over there
and...
just tell her everything
that I've been feeling.
You know, I feel like she got
the wrong idea of me
the other night.
And, uh, I just kinda wanna
go over there and, like...
show her my best self,
you know?
Show her what I'm really about.
I think-- I think that's
a terrible idea.
I don't think you should
do that.
Oh, I'm actually--
I'm just calling to get
some affirmation.
I'm not really looking
for advice right now.
I think you're gonna
embarrass yourself.
That's just...
Why do you have to
do that, Mom?
Why can't you just support me
when I want you to support me.
Why can't you...
Okay, I-I love you, Mom.
I'll call you later.
[Mom sighs]
[screams]
[Isaac]
"One last hurrah.
"Everybody deserves it.
"Because I'm getting
married."
"Time to be on my own
"with the love in my heart.
"Camping time.
Peace."
"Peace out."
Peace out.
[groans]
"Camping. Marriage.
Life is amazing.
Life is amazing."
Why am I fucking
saying it twice?
Life is amazing.
"Camping. Marriage.
Life is amazing."
Great.
Yeah, that looks...
That looks really good.
[Charlie] Then I-- Yeah,
it kinda got away from me.
I didn't really know
what we were doing
or what was going on.
[Zoe]
Oh, my gosh.
[Charlie]
And so I just said, okay.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna go do my thing.
- Yeah.
- And I'm gonna let them do their thing.
Yeah, I mean...
There's no weirdness now,
you know?
Like, I...
I feel good.
Cool.
- Yeah. I feel really good.
- Cool.
You seem like you--
You seem good.
Um...
Thank you.
[chuckles]
Yeah. You're welcome.
Oh, man, I gotta clean this...
shithole up.
You want some help?
I mean...
Did you want help just
putting some--
Yeah, sure, that'd actually
be really nice.
Yeah, thank you. Yeah.
Let's do that.
Okay.
[chuckles]
I was roofied once and woke up
on a stretcher.
- Seriously?
- Yeah. It was fucked up.
In Bellevue in New York,
which is the psych ward.
- Oh, shit.
- Yeah.
Why... why...
I don't even know
what happened.
I just... was in a bar
and I had a drink or two
and then...
Yeah, I woke up
in the hospital.
Do you know what happened?
Okay, this is the really
weird part,
but I actually left before
they discharged me.
What does that mean?
Like, normally you go
to the hospital,
you have to be discharged.
I actually was still
so out of it
that I found myself strapped
on this thing,
and I woke up in my little
high-heeled outfit,
and I started taking
the straps off,
and I walked out.
I was strutting out
of this hospital in my...
miniskirt and high heels,
going...
- Yeah, I went to a diner.
- So you just left.
I just left.
And you went to a diner?
[laughs]
I went to a diner.
- Oh, my God.
- Really bad.
I think it is coming from,
like, the area
that you think it's
coming from.
But do you see that crack
over there?
- Yeah.
- Where there's streaks of water?
You mean the separation
of the beams?
- Okay, do you see those streaks?
- Yeah.
I think those are
water stains.
And I think that the water's
coming through that crack--
Oh, those are
water stains!
- And making those...
- Oh, my God.
- ...of where it's coming from.
- Oh, my God.
I'm thinking it's coming
out of that screw over there.
It's clearly right there.
Well, yeah, I really wanna,
like...
I don't know. I wanna,
like, stop it or something.
I wanna, like...
I mean, should I get some
putty or something?
Uh...
Yeah, no, yeah.
I don't know what
you put up there.
They way you said "putty"
was kinda funny.
Oh. Um...
- Yeah. Uh...
- Yes, do you have--
- Like an art supply putty?
- Sounds good, yes.
- Do you have putty?
- Yeah.
Great. I'll put some on there,
if you bring me the putty.
Okay, I'm gonna, uh...
I'm gonna make a call
really quickly, okay?
- Sure.
- I'll be right back.
Okay.
Hi! It's me just calling
to say hi.
I wanted to see
what you're up to.
And... yeah.
Thinking about you a lot
and our...
our... fun night.
And...
just missing you.
So call me.
All right. Bye.
[wind blowing]
It became this, like, incredible
feeling of, like,
this is the whole world,
right here.
It safe and it's--
there's trust,
and we can hurt each other.
And it's okay because
we're there and whatever.
And the next morning,
we went our separate ways.
And that night, she fucked
some waiter
from the restaurant
down the block.
She fucked someone?
I came over to her place
afterwards,
and I saw in her bed there was,
like, the waiter's...
the waiter's notebook thing?
[chuckles]
And it was just so
fucking stupid
'cause it was like we were
addicted to these feelings,
but, like...
It wasn't real.
We didn't...
We'd be, like, driving in
the car next to each other.
I'd look--
I'd be driving,
I'd look over to her
in the passenger seat
and realize that we had
nothing to say to each other.
We had nothing other than these
intense feelings that...
Holy shit, wait.
You really felt like
you had nothing in common
the whole time?
We didn't know each other.
Oh! Mm! Wow!
Yeah. Fuck, I really, like...
Oh...
[sighs]
Yeah. I, uh...
Yeah, I feel like I'm in
a weird place right now,
because...
Nah, I...
[spits]
[Zoe] Hey, it's me. I'm
just calling to say hi.
Uh, call me back.
I wanna see how your
day's going and...
Uh, yeah, just hear
what you're doing.
And, uh...
I guess, just...
make sure, I don't know...
your day's good.
So, uh...
call me.
I miss you.
Uh...
Okay. Bye.
[crickets chirping]
- Well, that's gross.
- What is this?
A vase. Oh!
Oh, it's a vase.
I got it in Santa Clarita.
This is disgusting.
I know. I was gonna ask you
how old this stuff is.
This is really, really bad.
I don't know, a day or two
or something.
- Oh, okay.
- I hate leftovers.
Well...
I feel like I'm kind of
getting tired, and--
I know, yeah.
Thank you so much
for coming by.
I'm sorry I'm serving you
this disgusting food right now.
No, it's cool.
I really appreciate that
you came by, you know?
- Yeah.
- I feel like a phone call would have sort of... yeah.
It would have been weird.
I happy to...
I happy that I...
Thank you for being cool
about al this.
Yeah, of course.
Yeah.
Um...
I... yeah.
This table is, um...
- Old.
- Yeah, it's old.
Um, well, I feel like--
I know. I know.
I...
I'm gonna-- I'm gonna leave
in a second.
- Um...
- Okay.
I didn't mean that like...
What I'm-- I...
I'm like...
Sorry, I know I'm being
weird right now.
I, uh...
- Are you...
- I'm being weird, yeah.
I'm telling you that I'm being
weird right now.
I'm trying to, like,
get...
gear myself up to
tell you something
that's kind of uncomfortable.
So I'm just... kind of
in my head about it.
That's all.
Are you good or...
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
Yeah. Um... Can we, like--
Can we get up from here?
I feel kind of stiff right now
at this table,
and I would love to, like...
- Yeah.
- Can we go in there?
Yeah.
I kinda just wanna, like,
get up, move...
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
My blood...
Do you want, like,
a drink or something or...
Yeah, do you have any more
of those water bottles?
Can I get a water bottle?
Thanks.
Sorry. Sorry that I'm
being like this.
No, are you okay?
Yeah. Yes. No, I'm okay.
You don't have to freak out.
I'm not gonna tell you that
I have, like, an STD.
Okay, good, 'cause I...
yeah.
- Whatever. Um...
- Okay.
I got, uh, I got really
turned on the other night
when were in the threesome.
- The threesome?
- Yeah.
I got really turned on...
um, by you crying.
And I feel like
I have to say that.
Because it's all that
I've been thinking about.
And I, like--
I can't.
I literally can't get it
out of my head.
And I don't really know
what to do about that.
So I just have
to tell you that.
- Oh, uh...
- That's all.
- Huh. That's so weird.
- Yeah.
I mean, it's not weird,
but I would never have thought
that would have been a turn-on.
It's kind of...
a little creepy.
Yeah, it is.
[chuckles]
- Because it is creepy.
- It is creepy, right?
- Oh, the crying?
- Yeah.
No, no, no, the crying
wasn't creepy.
I feel creepy.
I feel creepy.
- Why?
- 'Cause I, um...
I got really turned on,
sexually,
and I was also really moved
emotionally,
and I had never felt those
two things together before.
And I felt those two things
together for the first time,
and it kinda blew
my fucking mind,
and that's kinda all...
I have this image that I can't
get out of my head right now.
Um, and it's me and you,
and, um...
And I'm, uh, I'm-I'm...
I start by I'm sucking
on your nipples.
Um, and...
Um, I-I like, work my way
down to your pussy,
and, um...
I, uh, and I call you "Mommy."
And I'm, like...
I'm, like, nestled
into your pussy, and, um...
and I'm, like, crying
and I'm saying,
"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,
I'm so sorry."
It was like I did
something wrong,
and you're beating my head,
um, to, like, punish me.
And, um, I'm like...
And then we fuck.
And I call you "Mommy"
the whole time,
and I'm, like, talking
in a baby voice.
And it... you know...
This is kinda...
This is kinda weird actually.
Because I have this weird,
uh...
I have this biz...
I'm kinda embarrassed
to say this,
but I have this weird
fantasy about, uh...
having these enormous breasts.
- Huh.
- And...
But they're filled with
so much milk.
And... you know...
You're just sucking on them
and drinking all the milk
from them.
You mean me? I? Me?
Or just, like, a person?
Well, I guess it was anybody,
but, you know, it's interesting
that you have this...
Yeah.
And then you're kind of,
like--
I guess I have to sort of
take care of you,
and you're just drinking
my milk,
but you're, like, my baby,
and I'm comforting you
and you're crying.
But simultaneously, we're both
kinda of getting off.
I don't know if we're
rubbing each other
or what's happening.
- Oh, my God.
- [laughing]
Um...
that's fucking awesome.
That's really cool.
That's like what I said.
Holy shit.
- That sounds really...
- This is...
That sounds really fucked up,
but it sounds really hot to me.
- I know. Why?
- I don't know why.
I don't know. But I don't
have big breasts.
- You have great boobs?
- Do I have?
You haven't seen them, though.
I saw them through your dress
the other night.
You saw them through
my dress?
I don't know. I mean,
I get the picture.
They're great.
You have good tits.
I don't have to see them
to know that.
They're not a terrible...
They're kinda cute,
I guess.
But in that fantasy,
they're these kinda like
big, fat tits,
you know?
- Can I...
- Will you...
maybe...
like, just...
I don't know. Do you wanna
touch them, maybe?
Yeah, I do.
- Can I--
- Can you pretend they're big?
I don't have to,
they're great.
I know, but I kind of
love big boobs.
Isn't that weird?
No, I can pretend
they're big, yeah.
Can I, um...
Will you go down...
Will you go down here?
Yeah, so I'll go...
I'm gonna sit right here.
I'm gonna come--
I'm gonna go down there.
You're gonna go
down here.
Okay.
And...
I guess you can just start
by...
touching my boobs.
Okay.
We'll just go slowly.
You can touch my boobs,
and then you can
kind of mush them together
a little bit.
Yeah, like that.
Ah, that feels good.
Will you, maybe,
drink the milk?
- Can I call you Mommy?
- Yeah, you call me Mommy.
- Ah!
- Mommy. Mommy.
Oh.
Mommy, can I have
more milk, please?
Ohh, drink the milk.
Drink the milk.
Keep going.
- Mommy?
- Grab this one while you do it.
- Am I in trouble?
- No, you've been a good boy.
Say that I'm in trouble.
You're in trouble.
You've been a bad boy.
I'm sorry, Mommy!
I'm sorry!
Will you grab my back while you do it?
And just suck my nipple harder.
Mmm, that's good.
Mommy?
Keep calling me Mommy.
You've been a bad boy.
[Charlie crying]
Zoe!
Zoe!
- Hey.
- Hey, man.
- How's it going?
- What, uh...
What are you doing here?
Yeah, I...
Look, man, I...
I just felt like there was
stuff between us.
I felt like there was static
in the communication.
And I wanted to come over here
and clear the air.
You know?
And look, man, I...
I've been kind of
a jerk lately.
And I wanted to come over
and apologize for that.
What's... what's that
on your head, man?
Is that a baby's bonnet?
[laughs]
Yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Oh, yeah, she's got all these
little random things,
like, lying around
the house.
And, uh, I threw it on
my head as a joke.
I was like, "Whaaa!
I'm a little baby!"
Cool, man.
Hey!
Hi!
Come on in!
So I've been spending
kinda the past day
thinking about what this is.
Like... is it real?
I feel like we jumped into this
thing really fast.
But I-I-I just...
I haven't been able to get you
out of my head.
And whether it's too fast
or not,
that doesn't matter to me.
I think that this is...
This is real enough for me.
It's the realist thing
I've ever felt.
And so, you know,
before we discuss either
the threesome or whatever,
I just wanna, like...
I wrote a song, and I wanna
share it with you, so...
[clears throat]
This is my grandfather's
guitar,
and he bought it when
he married my grandmother.
Um, so...
he let me borrow it
for this.
[strumming loudly]
Hold on.
[strumming continues]
Zoe, I know
we jumped in quick
But you are everything
that is so fantastic
With the way I feel
You're spectacular
You're spectacular
You're so spectacular
I feel like I'm getting
the chords a little mixed up.
Like, I'm getting--
I feel like I'm getting
a little bit mixed up
with the chords and stuff.
Oh, that's fine.
It's, I mean, wow.
The way I feel, I feel is
not getting through in the song.
It's amazing.
Just, you know,
like...
I'm right here.
Maybe if I just do it
a cappella.
Yeah, okay.
Uh...
Zoe, I know
we jumped in quick
But there's so much I feel
I can't deal with it
When I'm alone, I feel
like I'm without you
The past couple days
have been a hit
The way I feel,
I can't deal with it
When I'm alone, I feel
like I'm without you
I'm, like out there
in the wilderness,
one with nature,
and I'm like...
this is an important time.
I'm gonna sing a great song.
And so I came up with it,
and there it was.
- It's really beautiful.
- Thank you.
- You're really beautiful.
- Aw, thanks.
So, uh, I think I found
the perfect spot, guys.
Front and center.
Let's get you guys
married, huh?
Oh, my gosh! We're doing this.
This is wild.
Shoot, it's only
15 minute parking.
Um, why don't we...
why don't we just jump out,
and you can cruise
down the block,
and we can meet you out,
down at a coffee shop
or something
in a little bit?
You know what?
I'll go down the block.
I'll get hour parking
down there,
and then we'll all
go in together.
Oh, I don't think there's
hour parking here.
- There's--
- What do you mean?
I don't know.
My friend just lives here,
and she said there wasn't
any hour parking.
She lives right over there.
And I know that she doesn't
ever get parking for an hour.
Maybe there's, like,
a special
"People that are getting
married" parking area?
That seems weird.
Well, let's just drive
around the block
and get a little parking
and then--
'Cause we wanna
walk in together.
You've got your best man.
I think it's probably best
if you just
drive down the block,
and you can do some loops
around the block, and...
It's okay if the car
gets towed.
I will pay for the tow.
I will take care of it.
I'm happy to do it.
I wanna get out of the car.
I feel really uncomfortable
right now.
I'm just...
getting burnt.
[Isaac] You'll just be my best
man from the car, I guess.
I mean, it's fine.
We'll be in and out, man.
That's a really good idea,
you guys.
Go ahead. Go in there.
I'll be here.
- All right. We'll be right out.
- Bye.
- [guitar strumming]
- [Isaac] Zoe!
I love you so much
It's all I think about
Crib right there, right?
And we'll have, like,
the fucking thing--
I feel like the crib should be--
The window, you know?
If it rains or something?
No, I mean, just 'cause
it's kind of a pretty view.
- Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- I don't wanna block it.
I just feel, like, this room
has more potential
than just, like,
a giant closet.
What do we wanna do with this
pile of clothes over here?
I think we should
keep that there.
Um, we should just...
put all the rest of the clothes
over there?
- Hey.
- What?
This can be, like,
a fun thing.
- Okay, yeah.
- All right?
This is, like, a good thing.
Am I acting weird
or something?
No, you're acting, like,
stressed out.
Stressed out?
Oh, I'm sorry.
We got Charlie coming
over here soon.
We got Charlie coming over.
We're gonna have
some dinner.
Yeah.
Hey. This is, like,
a really--
- This is a cool thing.
- I know.
We're clearing out,
like, our kid's room.
Mm.
God.
It's, like, our baby's room.
[whispering]
Holy shit.
You just know that you have
certain pets,
and then you can
train the pets
to have different abilities.
And you can buy them
weapons and stuff.
Like, I had this one
neo-pet
that was like a dragon
that had a sword,
and it was like the most powerful
sword that you could have.
I wish I retained
some of it.
It just feels like I spent--
We spent, like,
$200,000 on school,
and I don't know fucking
anything about bonobos
or monkeys or anything.
- [chuckles] Bonobos.
- What?
She was a bonobo specialist.
I don't know shit about them.
She's, like, the queen of
the bonobos
among the humans
in the world.
She was great, man.
And the books that
she assigned us to read
were all books that, like,
actually made me feel
really good.
You know, they weren't just
stupid textbooks,
they were the kind of books
you'd read
if you were, like,
on mushrooms.
Did we get that
chocolate cake?
Mm-hmm. You want me to
get it right now?
- Yeah, will you get it?
- You want some?
- Yeah, chocolate.
- It's $30, dude.
- You're telling me--
- No, you don't have to pay.
I'll be right back.
[door closes]
How far along are you?
Why, you want a glass of milk?
[whispering]
Yes, Mommy.
- Yo, bitch.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo!
Dude! Yo!
- Hey.
- What?
- Are you good?
- Yeah.
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm good.
One sec.
[crying]
Hey, man, are you okay?
Hey, man.
Hey, it's okay, man.
[crying continues]