Til Death Do Us Part (2023) Movie Script
1
(intense music)
(exciting music)
(exciting music continues)
(bright music)
(waves swishing)
(bell ringing)
(bell ringing continues)
- The definition of love
is an intense feeling
of affection and concern
toward another person.
You know, now I have never
actually been in love,
and Lord knows I've tried.
No, that's not good.
That's not good.
Seeing love happen for
one of my closest friends,
that has been just
a beautiful thing.
(upbeat music)
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(gentle music)
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(quirky music)
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(waves crashing)
- [Groom] You look like
The Little Mermaid.
(groom chuckling)
(camera shutter clicking)
(upbeat music)
- You know, now that there
is a ring on my finger,
I have to ask, what
took you so long?
- [Groom] Mm.
- I'm serious.
- I dunno.
I guess just because it was
against university policy.
- Yeah, well that's
where we work.
It's what we do.
It's a job.
And a job shouldn't
get to determine how
its employees live,
as long as it doesn't
interfere with their work.
- They feel it does interfere.
I mean, it makes sense.
Everything gets
harder once emotions
come into play, you know?
- That's why we
usually work alone.
- Usually.
But we knew the policy
before we took the job.
- We were just kids
then, things change.
People change.
- Yeah, but policy doesn't.
You know, you are the
first partner I ever had.
- And the last.
(groom chuckling)
(waves crashing)
(groom sighing)
(upbeat music)
(groom sighing)
(upbeat music)
This all just feels
so surreal, you know?
I don't want it to end.
- I hope it never has to.
You know, I could really
use a drink right about now.
- I could always use a drink,
and a dance.
- Oh, God, I'm an
awful dancer, you know?
Don't I know it?
Oh my God.
She's a champagne queen here.
(bride giggling)
Someone, please get this
woman a glass of champagne.
(both laughing)
- [Bride] I'll race you.
(bride giggling)
(upbeat music)
(bride laughing)
I know a place
Skies so wide and far
Though the sun shines bright
You're my only star
Oh, you're my only star
I know a place
The ocean clear and blue
Though the moon hangs low
You're my only view
Oh, you're my only view
(fish tank bubbling)
- [Wife] This place hasn't
changed a bit, has it?
- Nope.
It still tastes awful.
- [Wife] Well I don't know
why you even ordered it.
You didn't even like
it the last time.
- I like that little umbrella.
(gentle music)
- Excuse me.
- What can I get you, guys?
- [Groom] What do
you want, margarita?
- Yeah.
- Two margaritas. Rocks.
With salt?
- Definitely with salt.
- With salt, please.
- Mm-hmm, two
margaritas on the rocks.
- I like everything salty.
(bride giggling)
Mm-hmm.
(groom chuckling)
(gentle music)
When it's cold and gray
- Excuse me.
Sorry, we didn't
mean to interrupt.
- Oh no, we're sorry.
We didn't mean to make
you feel uncomfortable.
- Honeymoon?
- Is it that obvious?
- He and I used to be
in love like that once.
- Did you say once?
- Yeah.
(husband laughing)
Well, it does get better.
Trust me, we should know.
We got married 20
years ago today.
- Oh, well, happy
anniversary then.
- [Groom] Congrats.
- I'm not gonna say it
hasn't been a long road.
- Well anything that's worth
the drive there is, yeah?
- That is true.
- How long are y'all
in Puerto Rico?
- Oh, it's our last day
tomorrow, unfortunately.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Back to reality, huh?
- Yeah, back to reality.
- It's been paradise, of course.
No doubt.
It's been great to...
Somehow we have managed to
not get any fresh seafood
since we've been here.
- Well ours here is excellent.
We catch it fresh out of the
water right back there daily.
- Oh, well, what he means
is he hasn't had a chance
to catch it himself yet.
He likes to pretend
he knows how to fish.
- What?
I know how to fish.
What, do you think we don't
fish back in merry old England?
Brilliant water.
Beautiful views.
It's the thrill of the chase.
You know?
That is a perfect holiday.
And I have been fishing since
I was just a little lad.
- Well he always
liked to fish too,
but I always found
it incredibly boring.
I'd rather sew,
and I hate sewing.
(all chuckling)
- Well if you're looking
to do the fishing yourself
I'd recommend going down the
harbor and renting a boat.
Just go down there
and ask around
and somebody will be
willing to take you out.
- Mm, thank you.
Yeah, I can do that
if I'm allowed.
- They're allowed too.
- [Groom] No, I mean,
if we have enough time.
I mean.
- Oh.
- I'll tell you
what, love birds,
these two old birds gotta get
back to the nest right now.
- Aw.
- Aw.
- But we're taking
care of your drinks.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Absolutely not.
It's not necessary.
- My pleasure.
Okay?
You enjoy the rest of your
time here now, all right.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Back into me with your heart
- Maybe you catch some fish.
- Mm.
(gentle music)
- You know, that
could be us one day.
- Oh, well, we've managed
to survive this long.
What's another 20 years, huh?
- One day at a time.
Right?
- You know, I love what I do.
(upbeat music)
(engine revving)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(phone ringing)
(upbeat music)
(phone ringing)
(phone ringing continues)
- Where are you?
Just...
Just tell me you're all right.
Okay?
I can hear your breathing
the sounds of the car,
but I'm worried about you.
- I can't go through with it.
I'm sorry, I thought
I could, but...
- Listen, whatever I've
done, I'll, I'll fix it.
Okay? Just tell-
- It's what we've done.
What we can't do.
- Come on, hon, I love you.
We can do anything together,
you and me, we already have.
- I love you too.
But I want out.
I want out of all of it.
- Now you know better than
anybody that's not possible.
Just come back now and
we can still fix this.
We, we'll fix all of this.
- No.
We can't.
(phone line beeping)
(dramatic music)
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(gentle music)
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Hi, Dad.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(jar rattling)
(jar thudding)
(bride gulping)
(cork clattering)
(crickets chirping)
(bottle crashing)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
I spent so many
sleepless nights
Missing you and wishing
you were holding me tight
I cried almost every day
Longing for the time
before you ever went away
(upbeat music)
I wake up every
morning alone
Praying it will be the
day you wanna come home
If you ever walk
through the door
I would never take you
for granted anymore
- Hm.
If this is paradise...
(bride sighing)
(upbeat music)
You might not love me
in the way that I do
But I'll still be waiting
and devoted to you
I dream of you when
stars are above
When the sun is shining
I think only of your love
One thing I know
will always be true
I will live out every
day devoted to you
Devoted to you
Devoted to you
Devoted to you
Devoted to you
Devoted to you
Devoted to you
Devoted to you
(bride scoffing)
- What have you done?
(bride sighing)
(crickets chirping)
(tense music)
(gravel crunching)
(engine rumbling)
(seat belts clunking)
(doors thudding)
(tense music)
(phone line ringing)
- [Groom] Hello?
- Well we found
your runaway bride.
You were right, she's here.
Right where you
said she would be.
Her car is parked
right out front.
- I didn't even know
about the damn place.
It's just where her mum
said she might be at.
Just try and hold her
then until I get there.
The university already
knows about what happened.
- You thought they wouldn't?
Well, I mean, geez.
Half the staff was at
that church tonight.
- Yeah, well I'm gonna
try and talk to the Dean
before they find out the rest.
- You sure about that?
Hm?
I mean, they've been bending
over backwards for you.
I just, I don't know,
I don't see any way
of coming back from that.
If she wants what she
really wants, you know.
- Look, just do
what I ask for now.
All right?
It's my wedding night
for Christ's sake.
You're supposed
to be my best man.
- Hmm.
- I just wanna
talk to her first.
- Whatever you say, chief.
- [Groom] I'll be
there as soon as I can.
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
(suspenseful music continues)
- So he just, he wants us
to keep her here for now.
(car lock beeping)
- (chuckles) He thinks
he's gonna get her back?
- Yeah, well, you know
our boy, he's in love.
What can I say?
And love makes you
do some crazy things.
You know the definition
of love is an intense
feeling of affection.
- "The definition of love."
Is that from your
best man's speech?
You're not gonna torture us
with that shit again, are you?
(all laughing)
- You know, being
somebody's best man
is a job I take very seriously.
(all laughing)
And I worked my fucking ass
off on that thing so, yeah.
- This is bullshit, you two
are arguing about a speech.
We're chasing after her.
Love is a liability.
(upbeat music)
- Speaking of love,
I got a match.
She's hot too.
I'm gonna marry this one.
Mm.
- Guys, we need to focus.
Focus.
We got a bridezilla
killer on the loose
somewhere around here.
- Wait a minute.
Can't live with
'em, can't kill 'em.
- Ah, right.
And nobody does.
Are we clear on that?
It is a containment mission.
Remember, you know her.
She's supposed to be our friend.
- We haven't forgotten.
I thought we were going
to her wedding tonight.
- Hm.
- Yeah, well things changed.
- Honestly, I always thought
our boy could do better.
- Where the hell is Big Sexy?
Has anyone seen Big Sexy?
- All right.
(groomsman sighing)
(door knocking)
Honey, I'm home.
Love comes along
And all heartache
is gone in a glimmer
(upbeat music)
(bride sniffing)
- All right, I'm
gonna have you three,
you meet up with Big Sexy
and go check that
side of the house.
You two check that side.
I'm just gonna wait here.
If you can, just try
to flush her out.
Let's go.
Move, move, move.
(groomsman groaning)
- Why don't you just kick
in the goddamn doors?
- Look at us, we are gentlemen.
Right?
We wanna keep this shit
as peaceful as possible.
Kicking the fucking door in,
doesn't exactly fit the bill.
Unfortunately.
Toodles.
(upbeat music)
(door handle rattling)
Rush
- Who the fuck says, "Toodles?"
After the thrill
- Motherfucker taking this
best man shit too serious.
Love comes along for the
(upbeat music)
- We're gonna go cover the
basement doors and windows.
You two, take this entrance.
- Who died and made him boss?
You know what?
I don't think I like his tone.
- No?
- No, I don't.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(door knocking)
(door handle rattling)
- I can't see shit.
- The beamer, the
music, the lights.
Oh, she's in there.
- Come on.
(upbeat music)
(door knocking)
- Man, this is some bullshit.
I should be balls deep in
some bridesmaids right now
instead of doing this shit.
(phone chiming)
Blowing up right now.
Yeah, the ladies love T-Bone.
- T-Bone, put that
phone on silent.
- Okay.
Sorry, Big Sexy.
I never asked you, who
gave you the name Big Sexy?
- I did.
I'm big and I'm sexy.
(gentle music)
- Ah, yeah, good.
Out of the way, Mr. Sexy.
(door knocking)
Come on.
Ah!
- You cannot open the
door without the key.
- Let's go the other way.
- All right, go ahead.
(gentle music)
(door knocking)
(gentle music)
- Hmm.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(window knocking)
(water running)
(water running continues)
(gentle music)
(door knocking)
(gentle music)
Today, I'd like to
just be your valentine
By now you know it
Be my valentine
(gentle music)
- Ah.
What are we gonna
do now, T-Bone?
- [T-Bone] What?
- What's the plan, T-Bone?
- We're friends, right?
- Yeah, we're friends.
- Can I be honest with you?
- Yeah.
- Why are you such
a disappointment?
No, I'm serious.
Why are you such
a disappointment?
We should already be in there.
Why aren't we in there?
Answer me, goddammit.
- I don't know, let me think.
Let me think.
If one door doesn't
open, the other one will.
Well, I'll...
Just follow my lead.
I'll show it to you.
- Show me the way.
- [Big Sexy] Are
you going first?
- Yeah.
(leaves rustling)
In my heart you are my
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(door knocking)
- Open the goddamn door.
(door knocking)
- Can you please
just open the door?
Yes?
(door knocking)
Pretty please.
- Sometimes these things just
need a little bit of finesse.
All right, just follow my lead.
T-Bone will show
you how it's done.
I love you
- Are you serious?
What the fuck just happened?
We had her.
Why did you just stand there?
- Why did you just stand there?
- You're supposed to have point.
- I thought you had point.
- No one is paying you to think.
Who the fuck is
paying you to think?
- No one is paying
me for anything.
- Shut up.
Shut up.
- Nice hands.
Feels like Russian massage.
- After we catch her,
I'm going to kill you.
I swear to God I will...
(T-Bone groaning)
(dramatic music)
(doors crashing)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
Now we fly without a care
Say goodbye to the
folks down there
Ask my why
(upbeat music)
(knife clattering)
(upbeat music)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
- [Bride] Oh my God.
(tense music)
Across the room
Like a bride without a groom
If I tried would she
assume I've been drinking
Too much thinking
Won't do me no good
Bells are ringing
Telling me that I should
Now we fly without a care
Say goodbye to the
folks down there
Ask me why
Or when or where
I won't answer
I'll romance her
- Wait a minute, I thought we
weren't kicking the door in?
- We...
We tried to be gentlemanly.
Clearly she is not
going to make this easy.
- Oh.
- And you thought she would?
- Well, like I
said, she's supposed
to be one of our friends.
- Were.
- Yeah, see, I knew we should
have brought our supplies.
- Relax.
I mean, it's not like
she has anything either.
Right?
They were very clear,
no guns at the wedding.
Not even the cars.
Second amendment be damned.
- Still we could have
at least stopped.
- Why?
It's not like we're
here to kill anybody.
I mean, not yet, right?
- Yeah, well I still
took mine to the wedding.
I'd rather have my
utensils and need 'em
than need 'em and not have 'em.
- Interesting.
- Well where are they?
- I left them in the van
when we took the car.
- So, wait a second.
Have any of you
even seen her yet?
- She's somewhere in here.
- No shit.
Why don't you go find her?
Hmm?
- Guess I'll check upstairs.
- Guess I'll go with you.
- Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Why don't I just
hang on to this?
Yeah.
Toodles.
(groomsman chuckling)
- And I guess I'll
look around down here.
- And I shall find
some better music.
(bride breathing)
(birds cooing)
(tense music)
(upbeat music)
- Hey, newly weds.
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
- We heard this was the best
breakfast spot in Puerto Rico.
So we'd fill our bellies
before we figure out
this fishing situation.
Speaking of which, do you happen
to know where we could rent
or charter a boat?
Like the bartender
said last night.
- For fishing.
- Hmm.
Yeah. No, not really.
We're just passing
through, like you all,
and I really wouldn't know.
- [Groom] Hmm.
- I'll tell you what though,
why don't you both
come out with us today?
Spend the day with
us on our boat.
- Oh, no.
We don't want to impose.
Especially not if you guys
are just here on vacation too.
- Yeah, really appreciate
your offer but-
- This is every day for us.
Come on now, be nice.
Stop me from cleaning
the damn thing today.
Come on.
- Of course.
It'd be great to have
some young blood around.
I mean we hardly
ever have company.
- Wait, you live on the boat?
- On the water,
wherever it takes us.
Nowhere. Everywhere.
Always an adventure.
- Well that's amazing.
- Yeah.
You need a boat?
The come on, let's
go to the boat.
You need a boat, right?
I got a boat.
How about it?
- All right.
- Well all right.
(bride panting)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music intensifies)
(bike engine revving)
(bike engine roaring)
(foot thudding)
(dramatic music)
(bride groaning)
(helmet thudding)
- What do you
think you're doing?
Just put down the knife.
- Well I was hoping
to have the night
to figure it out a little more.
- Looks like you already
made your decision.
- Hmm.
I'm working on it.
- You know, he told
us not to hurt you.
- He told you not to hurt me?
Oh, that's nice.
(bride grunting)
(dramatic music)
(knife clattering)
(dramatic music)
(foot thudding)
(groomsman grunting)
(bride screaming)
(dramatic music)
(bride grunting)
(bride screaming)
(body thudding)
(bride screaming)
(dramatic music)
(bride grunting)
(fist thudding)
(groomsman groaning)
(dramatic music)
(body thudding)
(dramatic music)
(elbow thudding)
(dramatic music)
(bride grunting)
(dramatic music)
(bride yelling)
(dramatic music)
(bride grunting)
(dramatic music)
(bride grunting)
(knife squelching)
(bride grunting)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(bride retching)
(tense music)
(bride panting)
(tense music)
(tense music intensifies)
(tense music continues)
(lock clicking)
(tense music)
- [T-Bone] Meow.
(tense music)
Meow.
Meow.
(dramatic music)
- Oh.
- I just wanna talk.
- Well it's too late for that.
(bride groaning)
(bride coughing)
- What the hell
took you so long?
That was a terrible idea.
Froze my ass off.
- Hey, it was your idea, man.
- Next time you get
in the refrigerator.
Next time you're
the distraction.
Shut up, bitch.
(bride grunting)
(bride exclaiming)
(bride coughing)
(big Sexy chuckling)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
- [T-Bone] Fucking, bitch.
(wrench clattering)
(T-Bone grunting)
(dramatic music)
(shovel clanging)
(bride panting)
(blood squelching)
(big Sexy thudding)
(bride exclaiming)
- Now you're really
gonna get it, bitch.
(T-Bone grunting)
You wanna play?
Then let's play.
(T-Bone grunting)
You killed my friend,
you fucking bitch.
(T-Bone grunting)
You fucking psychopath.
Hey, where you going?
Where are you going?
Don't you wanna play?
Let's play with the devil, huh?
Fuck!
(T-Bone grunting)
Huh!
Fucking start!
Get up.
Get up, bitch.
Get the fuck up, pussy cat.
You wanna play with the doggy?
Woof.
Woof.
Shut the fuck up.
Shut up.
Come on.
Huh?
I'll show you what made me
the Golden Gloves Champion
of my community.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Yeah, show me that leg.
Show me that leg.
Come on, I'm ready, pussy cat.
- Too bad, I really liked you.
Now.
(foot thudding)
(boxes crashing)
- [T-Bone] Oh, you bitch.
(upbeat music)
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
- Wow, you are
really taking this up
to a whole new level, baby.
Hmm? Huh?
I mean, you're making it harder
than it has to be though.
No, we didn't come
here to hurt you.
Not really.
- Well if you're so
tough, come and get me,
you piece of shit.
- Woo-ee.
Lovey dovey lovey one
Come sit down on my knee
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Tell you a story
Happened a long time ago
A-little bitty pretty one
- You know, up until a few
hours ago we were all here
to celebrate your wedding.
And I had one hell
of a speech prepared.
Damn, and it was supposed to
be a magical fucking evening.
You know, surrounded by
friends, drinking, laughing.
Me cutting a little rug.
You know, I was
here for it, baby.
- Where'd she go?
- Upstairs.
Ooh.
- I'm tired of this shit.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not yet.
(groomsman chuckling)
- Not yet?
The game has changed,
motherfucker.
It was her that threw
the kill switch.
She threw the panel lights.
- Okay, but, but what
about our friends?
Right?
- Oh, what about our friends?
They're gone.
- Maybe you don't even
give a shit about them,
but I still do.
And we will drink to them
for they will be missed.
- Are you kidding me?
- Do I look like I am
kidding you right now?
Hmm?
- You know, I'm starting
to miss working alone.
- Mm.
You know, those
are the two people
that we could actually
talk to about what we do.
We should've had the day off.
We should be enjoying
ourselves tonight.
Okay?
So instead we will give
them a motherfucking toast.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
(gentle music)
You twirl your hair
and glance my way
Blase
- Mm.
We go playing that love game
- Look here, how appropriate.
I mean, it ain't work
if we're having fun.
Right?
- Fun?
I'm sure as shit not
having any fucking fun.
- Oh, speak for yourself.
I mean, he is our friend and
he would do the same for us.
- Yeah, well I'm
supposed to be drunk,
getting my groove on with one
of the bridesmaids right now.
- And whose fault is that?
Hm?
We trained together.
Shared secrets.
God, man, I love those guys.
They're like my brothers.
You know, love.
You know, it's an
intense feeling
of affection and concern
toward another human being.
Me?
I haven't been in love.
No.
- Come on, man.
Not this fucking
speech again, please.
- I am doing this to honor them.
They would want to hear it.
Okay?
But seeing love happen,
especially with one of
your closest friends,
it is a beautiful thing.
It really is.
Now, when I was asked to
give the best man's speech,
I can't say I was surprised.
I mean, I killed a
lot of people to prove
that I was the best.
Right?
I kid. I kid.
I kid.
Oh, wow.
Seriously though, welcome
to our joyous occasion.
In my name...
(footsteps thudding)
Ooh.
All right, we'll
finish this later.
To those that have fallen and
those that are still standing.
Hmm?
(glasses clinking)
- Cheers.
(birds cawing)
- I mean, that is
one crazy story.
And I can't believe y'all
are still together now.
- It sounds like you guys had
it even rougher than we did.
- Yeah, well, what can I say?
A lot of people had to
die for us to be together.
- It sounds like it.
Where'd you bury the bodies?
Backyard?
(both laughing)
- Yeah, well,
nobody really knows
what goes on behind
closed doors, do they?
- No, they do not.
- Stop it.
- No, but seriously
he was crazy and
she deserved better.
Don't know that she got
that, but here I am.
- Thank you, honey.
So what about you two?
How did you guys meet?
- Well, that's a long story.
But I'll tell you what,
there were a lot of people
didn't want us together neither.
Yeah.
That was a lot of
years ago now though.
- Yeah.
- Right?
- 20 years.
Love conquers all.
Now we just go wherever
our hearts lead us.
- Wow.
Do you ever have any friends
or family come visit you?
- No. No.
Unfortunately.
But mostly, fortunately.
(all laughing)
We were gonna tell the museum.
(gentle music)
I gotta cook.
(gentle music)
- Now that's definitely a
lifestyle I could get behind.
What do you think?
(gentle music)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(plates clattering)
What about you guys?
Anything you miss?
Do you ever have
any regrets maybe?
- Just that we
never had children.
- Yeah.
No way to go on once we're gone.
- Not to try and dig
too deep or anything
but is that because you
didn't wanna have any,
or you couldn't?
- Oh, we could.
- We want to but it just
didn't really make sense
when we look at our way of life.
- What do you mean?
- I don't know.
Just we both worked a lot.
Both stressed.
Both traveling for
work all the time.
Both had a demanding job.
- Well it looks like
it all worked out
for you guys in the end.
- We have a good life.
Yeah, we do.
We have our ups and
downs like everyone,
but I wouldn't
trade for the world.
Trust me, no, no, no.
You know, I learned
a lot about life.
Everything I did, you know?
But that's what life is, right?
It's about learning.
Got respect, honor, endurance.
Everything I did taught me
what I needed to know to live
right up to this moment.
- And what about that
scar on your shoulder?
What did that teach you?
- [Bride] You don't
have to talk about it,
if you don't want to.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
It's good knowing when
you're close to death.
Makes you not
forget how to live.
August 7th, 1986.
(tense music)
That's the day that
changed my life forever.
Eight of us, all sent on
foreign soil to take out
some high ranking
official over there.
Fed a bunch of lies.
That's often the way
to justify actions.
You never question above.
Not back then.
He said it was supposed to
be a quick, easy in and out.
And we believed him.
You know?
But the thing was...
The eight of us, we were
among the best at what we did.
But we never worked together.
I mean, not as a team.
I mean, we'd hung out together.
We drank beers together.
We trained together,
respected each other.
We was all the best of
friends, is what we were.
I mean we always, we
always worked alone.
That's how it was preferred.
Always.
That's how we preferred it.
You know, we were
all good enough
that we could do whatever
we needed to do alone.
One man, that person,
he can slip in and out,
but you bring a group, all of
a sudden that's gonna bring
a lot of attention.
And that's exactly what
happened on that day,
August 7th, 1986.
See, instead of
being on offense,
we found ourselves on defense.
Might as well have been the
4th of July in that room.
We were...
(hands thudding)
Bang.
Bows flying all over the place.
Ringing.
That's the kind of ringing
don't leave your head either.
It's the kind of
ringing that wake you up
in the middle of night today.
(tense music)
Yeah, they was my brothers.
There's no way to erase the
sight of watching your brother
take his last breath.
And my night, that was me.
Seven times.
See, I was the only
one to make it back.
Oh, shotgun.
Shoulder.
But I survived it.
August 7th, 1986.
What a goddamn day.
- I'm sorry.
- Sometimes you
lose your closest,
'cause that's what
happens at war.
Right?
But you know the funny thing?
Back then, usually the
day before you went off
on the day before, you went
and you had a bachelor party.
Right?
I didn't have anyone left to
throw mine on August 8th, 1986.
(tense music)
But that did not
stop me from marrying
the most beautiful woman in
the world on August 9th, 1986.
The happiest day of my life.
(wife chuckling)
This is it.
Everything I've done has taught
me what I needed to learn
to live right here
in this moment.
Now, enough of all
this dark stuff.
Right?
This is a honeymoon, I thought.
We are in paradise, take a look.
Look at water and
we got islands.
You two go and have some fun.
All right?
Take advantage of this ride.
- Well that sounds like
a great idea to me.
(gentle music)
(waves lapping)
I can help you carry
some of that stuff out.
(faint chattering)
(waves lapping)
(tense music)
(upbeat music)
Away we go to lands
beyond the sea
Nice and slow
No other place to be
Away we go, darling,
come away with me
Away we go
We'll find a sunny shore
Then we'll know that
love's forevermore
Away we go you're
everything I'm searching for
- Mm.
When darkness
comes we hide away
When storms do rock
the gentle tide
I know the dawn
will light the day
As long as you're
right by my side
Away we go
- Shit, she's a runner.
- Oh, easy.
Easy, there, tiger.
Okay, maybe she's
just fucking with us.
Right?
And maybe she's still
upstairs right now.
Hmm?
I mean, regardless,
we will find out.
I love our dear groom.
I really do.
I do.
I'm the best man,
of course I do.
But this wedding is
officially called off.
- So are you saying we're
cool with a killer now?
- Well we're not
gonna sit around here
and let her kill us.
Are we?
- Yeah, I'm not down
for her killing us.
That's for damn sure.
- Yo, he's gonna
be pissed though.
- Oh, God.
It's for his own good, and ours.
- Since you're the best
man, you can tell him
we killed his bride.
- I am the best man.
And I will.
You know what?
Let's make this a little
more fun, shall we?
Huh?
Okay, we're gonna
call this mission...
I got it. I got it.
Showdown at the family cabin.
Whoever gets to her
first wins the honeymoon
that I purchased for
the happy couple.
- Yeah, but you probably pick
some bougie shit like Paris.
- So cliche.
Puerto Rico, my friend.
- [Groomsman] I
love Puerto Rico.
- I bet you do.
I bet you do.
So...
You, why don't you
take the upstairs.
In case it was a diversion.
You can fuck off to the
basement, in case she's hiding.
And we shall take the front,
make sure she doesn't
get one of those cars.
Right?
- Right.
- Come on.
(door clattering)
(upbeat music)
(stairs creaking)
(upbeat music)
Okay, which way to go.
Which way to go.
Actually, you take,
you take left.
Yeah, you.
- Yeah, all right.
- Nah.
Nah, you take
right, I lean left.
Okay?
Right?
- Focus, motherfucker.
Focus. Focus.
- Mm, they're watching.
(upbeat music)
Sweetheart?
Where are you?
I'm missing my dancing partner.
Come on.
(groomsman chuckling)
Yeah, sure.
Got me out here looking for
her crazy ass by myself.
Everybody else in pairs.
Like I'm the lone fucking ranger
with no Tonto.
This is some bullshit.
- Where, where, where
is that beautiful bride?
Huh?
Sweetheart, you out here?
Let me see that beautiful dress.
Nah, I don't think
you're out here.
Oh, but I love this song.
Ooh, yes.
When you touch me, baby
My heart is on fire
You're so sweet
and so lovely
The only one I desire
Now that I'm
- Oh, I love this jam.
Ooh.
Anything?
- Another dead
brother out there.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Well we'll have a toast
for him later, yeah?
- God, I hope not.
- You...
Do you think our girl
is that clever where
she would double back?
Hmm?
(door creaking)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(groomsman breathing)
(upbeat music)
Anything?
- Nada.
- No, keep looking.
Yeah?
And keep your head on a swivel.
I swear to God.
(upbeat music)
(golf club thudding)
(upbeat music)
(bride grunting)
(fist thudding)
(bride grunting)
(glass shattering)
(bride grunting)
(groomsman grunting)
(fist thudding)
(groomsman grunting)
Watch the cars back
til the break of day
Crazy Johnny and
the Chevrolet
(bride yelling)
(elbows thudding)
(bride groaning)
(bodies thudding)
(fists thudding)
(foot thudding)
(hand slapping)
(bride groaning)
(bride yelling)
(upbeat music)
(groomsman choking)
(neck cracking)
(upbeat music)
Crazy Johnny and
the Chevrolet
On the weekends
everybody pack the barns
Next to the highway
with the wings and cars
When he tells a story
makes it sound like a dream
It's the good old
boys and lots of speed
I wasn't here back then
I'd be jamming rock n'
roll with all my friends
(knife whooshing)
(clothes rustling)
Watch the cars right
til the break of day
Crazy Johnny and
the Chevrolet
(upbeat music)
(bride yelling)
(groomsman groaning)
(bride yelling)
- I guess we're not
friends anymore.
(groomsman grunting)
(bride yelling)
- You were the one who ran.
You can run from them, but
you can't run from him.
We're number one.
Nobody gets out alive.
- Well I guess I'm just
breaking all the rules.
Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet
He rocks in the tree
tops all the day long
Hoppin' and a-boppin'
and a-singing his song
All the little birds
on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin
go tweet tweet tweet
Rockin' robin
Tweet, tweet, tweet
Rockin' robin
Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
Blow rockin' robin
'Cause we're really
gonna rock tonight
Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
Every little swallow,
every chick-a-dee
Every little bird
in the tall oak tree
The wise old owl,
the big black crow
Flappin' their wings
singing go bird go
Rockin' robin,
tweet, tweet, tweet
Rockin' robin
Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
Blow rockin' robin
'Cause we're really
gonna rock tonight
Tweet, tweet
(bride yelling)
Tweet, tweet
Tweet, tweet
Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
Tweet
Tweet
Tweet, tweet
Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
Tweet
Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
A pretty little raven
at the bird-band stand
Taught him how to do the
bop, and it was grand
They started going
steady and bless my soul
He out-bopped the
buzzard and the oriole
He rocks in the tree
top all the day long
Hoppin' and a-bop
All the little birds
on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin
go tweet tweet tweet
Rockin' robin,
tweet, tweet, tweet
Rockin' robin, tweet,
tweedle-lee-dee
(crickets chirping)
(crickets chirping continues)
(footsteps thudding)
- Mm.
Mm-mm.
(groomsman grunting)
This was my favorite
fucking song.
It really was.
Oh, now you are fucking
dead, sweetheart.
(footsteps thudding)
Run, run.
I love it when they run.
Huh?
Yeah.
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
- [Bride] Where the
hell are my keys?
(car lock chirping)
(tense music)
(keys jangling)
(tense music)
(bride grunting)
(bride coughing)
Mm, looks like you're
going to Puerto Rico.
- You bet your ass I am.
(bride coughing)
- Where did you think
you were gonna go?
Hmm?
I mean, goddamn, a
wedding, that is one thing,
but you said you wanted
out, and nobody gets out.
You can't just leave.
That...
That is university
policy actually.
And you should know that.
Okay, fine.
I know, I know, it's, it's
cliche, but you know too much.
Hell, we all know
a little too much.
But you did read
the policy, right?
When you signed the papers?
No?
Woo.
(bride snarling)
(groomsman snarling)
- She's a fucking fire
cracker, aint she?
(bride grunting)
- Come on.
(bride grunting)
Come on.
Come on, now.
Mm-hmm.
(bride grunting)
Where do you think you're going?
Since it's your wedding day,
we will wait for the groom.
All right?
But if I wasn't such
an amazing best man
I would just cut your
fucking head off right now.
Okay?
You can, I guess, get
the rest of her inside.
We'll let the two
love birds discuss
and he can decide what
he wants to do with her.
In the meantime,
I shall have another toast
and work on my best man speech.
Because you never know,
could be a wedding day.
Woo, so excited.
- Asshole, make the black
man pick up the garbage.
Ain't that always the case?
(upbeat music)
- Oh, yeah.
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
- [Groomsman] Come on, princess.
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
- Fuck waiting on the groom,
I'm gonna kill you now.
I'll cut your
motherfucking tongue off
and I will watch you bleed.
(bride snarling)
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Little bitty pretty one
- The definition of love
is an intense feeling
of affection and concern
towards another person.
- You fucking bitch!
- You thought I forgot the keys?
You thought I was running?
- Fuck!
- I wanted you here.
Tell you a story
- I have never been in love.
I've never been in love.
A-little bitty pretty one
I've been watchin' you grow
- But when I saw love
happen to a close,
a close friend of mine,
it meant the world to me.
It meant the world to me.
It changed...
It was, it was a
very special moment.
Nah, dammit.
When I...
When I witnessed a close friend.
Where the fuck are they, dude?
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
- Oh, what now you stupid...
Ah.
- Hey, buddy.
- What's up?
- You wanna talk about
that screwed policy now?
Huh?
- Okay. Okay.
What is it that
you want, sweetie?
Huh?
I mean they were gonna give you
the wedding that you wanted,
and they never do that.
They were gonna break the rules.
And now what?
You, you what, you expect
them to just let you go now?
Come on.
- Oh, I knew they would
never just let me go.
But there is no happily
ever after what they gave.
- Oh, come on, there's no
happily ever after, ever.
I mean, look, where is
the happily ever after
right here in this
shit show, huh?
- Well you were the ones
that came knocking on my door
like a bunch of assholes.
- And you are lucky it was us.
I mean, shit, we were
supposed to be friends
and this was as good
as it was gonna get.
- Oh, you see, friend, I
don't wanna have to be given
anything anymore.
I want a chance at normal.
Boring.
Nothing out of the ordinary
ever happens kind of life.
- Okay. Okay.
And how?
How the hell were
you gonna do that?
Hmm?
I mean, you could get rid
of all of us, you know?
But they will just send more.
And next time you won't
even know who they are
because this school, oh, this
school is old school baby.
It is old school.
I mean, they've been
around long before us,
and they will be
here long after.
Okay?
I mean, you just don't suddenly
up and decide you wanna
have a normal life
when you teach at the
shadowy organization
that subcontracts assassinations
to every world
fucking government.
Come on.
- Enough.
Thanks for the history
lesson, professor.
But at least I'm making it my
choice to take that chance.
- Yeah. Yeah.
You know what?
He is coming.
He is coming here.
(bride screaming)
(bride grunting)
(groomsman grunting)
(bride snarling)
(groomsman snarling)
- Okay. Okay, okay.
Okay. Okay.
Okay, he was gonna go
talk to the board first
before he came here.
Okay. Easy.
Easy. Now.
Easy.
I'm just be surprised if
he's not on his way already.
Okay?
Listen. Listen.
He's still helping you.
Whoa. Easy.
Still helping you after
everything that you've done.
It's sad, as the best
man, that you're breaking
my boy's fucking heart.
You know that, right?
You know that.
- Well maybe I should
have never even tried
to go through with it.
But by the time I realized
it was already too late,
the train was already
on the tracks.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here.
- Okay.
- You're a killer.
I'm a killer.
And I will kill you.
I've already killed most of
our fucking friends tonight.
- Yeah, I see that and
I really appreciate it.
- Yeah.
Call him.
- What?
- The one we both
still have left.
- Oh God.
- Yeah, I want you, I
want you to pull out
your phone slowly and
I want you to call him
and I want you to
tell him that I'm dead
and that he doesn't have
to come here anymore.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
You want me to call him
and tell him his best man
killed his bride to be?
Come on, he would be so
fucking pissed at me.
I can't do it.
No fucking way.
Oh.
- Sh.
Are you more worried about
pissing him off right now?
Or pissing me off more?
- You, darling, of course.
Definitely.
- Then fucking call him.
- All right, all
right, all right.
All right. All right.
(phone keys beeping)
(phone ringing)
- What's going on?
I just got back from the Dean's,
everything's cool for now.
I'm just about to head that way.
Where is she?
- Ah, she's dead.
Do you hear what I said?
I said that she is dead.
- [Groom] You killed her?
- I mean, I didn't
really have a choice.
I mean, you know how she is.
And she took out
every other guy.
So-
- [Groom] All of them?
- Well, I mean, shit
man, I just, you know,
I had to kill her
before she killed me.
But listen, listen, if
it's any consolation
she was one tough bitch.
You know?
But I am sorry about everything.
(phone beeping)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
He hung up.
So...
But listen, I, you know,
while we're waiting
for him I should give you
the speech that I prepared.
I worked my ass off on it.
You know the definition of love-
(bride screaming)
(bride panting)
(bride panting continues)
- Hey, bitch.
I ain't finished with you yet.
- God, not you again.
- Oh, looks like
everyone is dead.
Good, they were weak.
I was supposed to be best man.
- Huh?
- You caught me slipping.
It ain't happening again.
- How was your flight?
- It was rough.
But I'm here, ain't I?
- I guess you came
back for more.
- You ready for round two?
- Are you ready?
- I'm gonna rip your
fucking head off.
- And you're gonna regret this.
- Whoa.
Whoa.
Wow.
I'm gonna beat you like
your daddy used to.
Come on.
Come on, bitch.
- What did you just call me?
- What did it sound like?
A female dog?
Come on, bitch.
- Don't you ever call
me a bitch again.
- Fuck you.
Come on, bitch.
(dramatic music)
(water dripping)
(chair squeaking)
What the fuck?
What the actual fuck?
You better let me go
right now you fucking...
I'm sorry.
(T-Bone laughing)
I'm sorry.
This is actually really good.
This is good.
This is good.
We're in a good place right now.
You know.
Me and you we're a lot alike.
We are.
All the fighting and killing.
It's exhausting.
I'm over it.
I'm done.
You want out?
So do I.
So do I.
Yo, this is perfect.
We could...
We could just...
We could just leave.
Yeah?
We could just leave.
You and I, we could
just run away.
I mean, not together.
Unless, unless
that's what you want.
I always, I always thought that
you were, you were special.
I...
I always had a crush on you.
No, no.
No.
Okay, you could, you
could just go by yourself.
You could just fucking
leave yourself.
Get me the fuck outta here.
Cut me loose and we
can go toe to toe
you fucking bitch.
Let me fucking go.
Oh God, I will destroy you.
God damn it.
Fuck, I'll destroy you, bitch.
Yeah.
Everyone says that you're
supposed to be the best.
Ah, the sweet little girl.
The best.
It's fucking bullshit.
You're a fucking joke.
Look at you, you're
fucking pathetic.
You fucking bitch.
That thing doesn't even
fucking work you stupid cunt.
(T-Bone laughing)
Nice legs though.
Really, nice legs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- When you tried to kill me
earlier you forgot the gas.
(T-Bone panting)
- Fuck.
Fuck.
(chainsaw whirring)
(chainsaw whirring continues)
(chainsaw whirring continues)
(bride panting)
(water dripping)
(bride panting)
(blood splattering)
(bride panting)
(bride panting continues)
(crickets chirping)
(crickets chirping continues)
(water gushing)
(water gushing continues)
(bride panting)
You didn't read up
on the assignment
very well then, did you?
Wow, I didn't even
know people ate shark.
But it was great.
- Well, you can do it.
A lot of variables.
You got species
of the shark, age,
how fast you could bleed it out.
- Yeah, well we never
fished shark back in London.
That's for sure.
(all laughing)
- Because people are
scared of sharks.
Fierce, fierce predators.
Let me ask you, you
both afraid of sharks?
You see I equate the situation
we have here right now
to the relationship with
the shark and the dolphin.
You see the shark and the
dolphin tend to inhabit
the same region.
They can be copacetic,
live together, be happy.
But all it takes is
for one bad shark
and that turns the tide.
And then it ruins
it for everybody.
See a dolphin, you got
a lot to offer the shark
in the way of the food chain.
Big food source.
Now the shark on the other hand,
he got absolutely nothing
to offer that dolphin.
Everybody knows a shark,
he could rip right
into that dolphin.
Can't he?
But the dolphin, he
don't have that luxury.
No, the dolphin, he
gotta stay with the pack
and swim around that shark
and try to confuse him.
Now when he least expect
it, without any warning,
that dolphin, he surprises
him by swimming up underneath
and he ram that nose right
into that shark belly
and kill the shark
with one good blow.
That's a fact.
So...
I bring this up incidentally,
because this is
where I find myself
and my wife this current moment.
And we need to know,
we'd like to know,
are we the shark?
Are we the dolphin?
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
See the dolphin, he's got
no reason to kill the shark.
Unless it's defense.
And that is the position I do
believe that I find my wife
and myself currently
in right now.
Now dolphins have been
known to play with sharks.
Much like a cat would play
with mice before they kill it.
But that's just a weird game.
- We've known who you two
were ever since we met you
at the bar yesterday.
Doing what you're doing.
We were both you, only we
were doing it long before
you two were ever born.
- Now the university knows
that we know the rules
and that's one of the reasons
we've been able to avoid
their cross hairs
for over 20 years.
And they'd know that
one of these rules
say you'd never send a teacher
because teachers,
they work alone.
But I think they did
that intentionally,
that was the reason, because
they thought if they sent
you both you may
get close enough
and that you can clean
their palate of us.
Forever.
Now there also may
be one other reason
they sent you both, I think.
Because they knew that one
of you would do anything,
and I mean anything to
get close enough to us
to put a bullet in our heads.
Did you know there's only
one time since we fled
the university that
we have any problems
in this long, long,
strange trip we've had?
April 26th, 1994.
I'm good with dates, aren't I?
I think you know that
date, don't you, darling?
They found us in Europe.
Man, you have his eyes.
And that smile
when it comes out.
And if he was my
daddy, I understand,
because I would
want that revenge.
But I love my wife, so I cannot
give you the satisfaction
that you desire.
- I never even got to
say goodbye to him.
- He was a good man.
He truly was.
But he came to kill us.
And this is the life we chose.
(tense music)
(tense music intensifies)
(bride sighing)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
- I guess you've been out of
the game for too long now.
- You've gone soft
in your old age.
You've lost your edge.
Missed things that would've
got you killed years ago
if you had then.
Like my bride here emptying
out all the bullets
from your only gun on board.
I pity you, really.
It amazes me that you've
been able to evade
the university as
long as you have.
I mean, hell, you're
practically the reason
for the no romantic
relationships on campus policy
and yet here you sit helpless.
The ones who got away.
The runaways who
could never be found.
You were once two of the best
and now it seems as
though you've forgotten
who you once were.
- No, you don't forget.
You don't forget
what we've done.
Growing old does
not make you soft.
I assure you I
haven't lost my edge.
It's just that I got
tired of sharpening it.
- The fact that it is so dull
has put you in a position
where not only can
you not protect her,
but you can't protect yourself.
- We had a good life.
More than most.
And now we take the adventure
we never had together.
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(gun firing)
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(no audio)
I've always loved
the way you smell.
You killed all of them?
- [Bride] Are you
surprised, honey?
- No.
Not really.
They were our friends though.
(groom sighing)
- [Bride] They
were your friends.
- I spoke to the Dean tonight.
I convinced him you
weren't a flight risk
and that you'd just
gotten cold feet.
Oh, dear.
It's gonna be kind
of hard to prove
that now that you've killed
half our wedding party.
- I don't need to prove
anything to anybody anymore.
Like I said, I want out.
- Well there's no way out.
I think that old couple
has proven that enough.
They'll find you no
matter how long it takes.
- That old couple still
had plenty of time together
away from them.
They had a good life.
- What?
Out on a boat
practically by themselves
for 20 something years
doing absolutely jack shit?
That's not a life,
that's merely existence.
- [Bride] We should have
never killed that couple.
- We did them a favor and
put them out of their misery.
The old man killed your
father for Christ sake.
- Because my father
was one of them.
One of us.
He did what he had to
do for him and his wife
to be together.
- Now the university
gave us their blessing.
They didn't know so I didn't
think they would but they did.
We could have a
good life together.
- The only reason they
gave us their blessing
is because of what we
did to that couple.
As long as we were still playing
by the rest of their rules
we were worth more
alive to them than dead.
Sure we came clean and
told them about us,
so they trusted us,
but really it was
just another way
for them to still
try and control us.
That's why they allowed
us to go through with it.
- But they allowed it.
- The university.
To some they cut checks,
to you they're like
a goddamn religion.
Don't you get it?
We shouldn't have had
to ask permission.
- Yeah, well, we all knew
the rules when we enrolled.
All of us did.
- Well, like I
said, people change.
- Well what about us?
Hmm?
Did that change too?
You look like you
could use a drink.
Come on.
Don't treat me like a stranger.
After all you are the
one who left me standing
at the altar tonight.
Remember?
- Sure, I could
always use a drink.
(groom sighing)
(glasses clinking)
(both gulping)
(no audio)
(footsteps tapping)
(gentle music)
- May I have this dance?
- Last dance.
(gentle music)
Ooh, ah, do you remember
Ooh, ah, you said forever
Doo, ah, you said you
would never let me go
(gentle music)
You said you'd never leave
But that was a lie
You haunt all my dreams
You left me alone to cry
Ooh, ah, do you remember
Ooh, ah, you said forever
Doo, ah, you said you
would never let me go
(gentle music)
- Why'd you do it?
Why did you leave
them all there?
All alone with no explanation.
- If I could run from
you easily, I would've
done it sooner.
- But you're my partner.
And a partner's not supposed
to run from their partner.
- [Bride] I guess I'm
not a good person.
- Most of the people
that you've killed
weren't very good for
themselves or anyone else.
See even God doesn't
judge, so why should we?
- I was sitting
in church tonight,
alone in my
beautiful white dress
and I saw this mother with
her baby and a little baby boy
and I knew right then and
there that if I married you,
I could never have that.
I do love you.
But deep down, I know I
couldn't go through with it.
- I went to the Board, I
was prepared to go down
in a hail of bullets
if that's what it took.
Like Bonnie and Clyde.
(bride giggling)
- Maybe that's what
should have happened then.
(gentle music)
- Even when so many
things were right?
You're the one who
wanted a big wedding.
- If I had come to you
first, would you have left?
- They gave us
everything we wanted.
There was no reason to run.
- So you're prepared
to die with me,
but you would've never
left them for me?
Huh?
- Even if I did, they
would've killed us both.
I wouldn't want that for you.
I wouldn't want that for us.
- There is no us.
Not anymore.
- Well if you're so
through with everything,
why'd you even come
here in first place?
Why didn't you just keep running
if that's what
you really wanted?
- Because hell hath no
fury like a man scorned.
You're a jilted lover now, babe.
And once I'm running,
the teacher that's
gonna come after me,
the strongest and
the hardest is you
and I want to drab,
routine kind of a life.
And I'm willing to die to
try and make that happen.
(gentle music)
- Aint love grand?
- I came to say goodbye.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
- All right.
I do love you.
I always will.
But one of us has
to die tonight.
- Mm.
Well I'm not gonna wait
around to play defense.
This is offense.
(groom sighing)
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
- To us.
- To us.
(gentle music)
(groom yelling)
(bottle shattering)
(bride yelling)
(foot thudding)
(groom grunting)
(fist thudding)
(groom grunting)
(foot thudding)
(groom grunting)
(bride yelling)
(head thudding)
So long, so long
Farewell, farewell
I'll be heading
out on my own
(fists whooshing)
(bride yelling)
(leg thudding)
(bride yelling)
(fist thudding)
(bride groaning)
'Cause I've had
enough of you now
(bride coughing)
(elbow thudding)
(groom yelling)
(foot thudding)
(groom groaning)
(both yelling)
(body thudding)
(bride yelling)
(foot thudding)
(groom grunting)
(glass rattling)
(bride grunting)
- I guess we just skipped to
til death do us part, honey.
(bride yelling)
(bride yelling continues)
'Cause I've had
enough of you now
So long, so long
Farewell, farewell
I'll be heading
out on my own
This is the end
of what we had
But don't worry, baby
I don't feel bad
Honey, say goodbye
to this honey
'Cause I've had
enough of you now
(upbeat music)
(waves crashing)
(birds cawing)
(waves crashing)
- I guess I won't be
needing this anymore.
- You know, I...
I don't know.
I think maybe you
should hold onto it.
- What do you mean?
- I'm tired of hiding.
- Well what about your...
What about the job?
What about them?
- We won't run like
that other couple.
I dunno, maybe...
Maybe we'll go to the
university, we'll come clean,
let the chips fall
where they fall.
It's worth the risk.
You are worth the risk.
(bride gasping)
Will you marry me?
- Yes.
(waves crashing)
(waves crashing continues)
- I love you.
(waves crashing)
(waves crashing continues)
One day at a time, right?
- We've survived this long.
(waves crashing)
(waves crashing continues)
(upbeat music)
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
(upbeat music)
("Bridal Chorus"
by Wagner playing)
("Bridal Chorus" by
Wagner playing continues)
("Bridal Chorus" by
Wagner playing continues)
(footsteps padding)
(phone vibrating)
(dramatic music)
Mama told me, son
you best be ready
When you give
your heart away
Make sure that those
loving arms are steady
If you want that
girl to stay
Give her all your lovin'
Your kissin'
and your huggin'
All of your devotion too
When pushin'
comes to shovin'
It aint just turtle dovein'
So give her all
your lovin', babe
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Lovin', lovin', lovin'
Lovin' aint just
walking in the park
Dancin' after dark
Real slow
You can't hurry love
Son you better
listen to your Mama
There's one thing
that you ought to know
Mama said you better
Give her all your lovin'
Your kissin'
and your huggin'
All of your devotion too
When pushin'
comes to shovin'
It aint just turtle dovein'
So give her all
your lovin', babe
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
Give her all your lovin'
Your kissin'
and your huggin'
All of your devotion too
When pushin'
comes to shovin'
It aint just turtle dovein'
So give her all
your lovin', babe
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Lovin', lovin', lovin'
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
(upbeat music)
(eerie music)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(intense music)
(exciting music)
(exciting music continues)
(bright music)
(waves swishing)
(bell ringing)
(bell ringing continues)
- The definition of love
is an intense feeling
of affection and concern
toward another person.
You know, now I have never
actually been in love,
and Lord knows I've tried.
No, that's not good.
That's not good.
Seeing love happen for
one of my closest friends,
that has been just
a beautiful thing.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
(upbeat music continues)
(gentle music)
(gentle music intensifies)
(gentle music continues)
(quirky music)
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(waves crashing)
- [Groom] You look like
The Little Mermaid.
(groom chuckling)
(camera shutter clicking)
(upbeat music)
- You know, now that there
is a ring on my finger,
I have to ask, what
took you so long?
- [Groom] Mm.
- I'm serious.
- I dunno.
I guess just because it was
against university policy.
- Yeah, well that's
where we work.
It's what we do.
It's a job.
And a job shouldn't
get to determine how
its employees live,
as long as it doesn't
interfere with their work.
- They feel it does interfere.
I mean, it makes sense.
Everything gets
harder once emotions
come into play, you know?
- That's why we
usually work alone.
- Usually.
But we knew the policy
before we took the job.
- We were just kids
then, things change.
People change.
- Yeah, but policy doesn't.
You know, you are the
first partner I ever had.
- And the last.
(groom chuckling)
(waves crashing)
(groom sighing)
(upbeat music)
(groom sighing)
(upbeat music)
This all just feels
so surreal, you know?
I don't want it to end.
- I hope it never has to.
You know, I could really
use a drink right about now.
- I could always use a drink,
and a dance.
- Oh, God, I'm an
awful dancer, you know?
Don't I know it?
Oh my God.
She's a champagne queen here.
(bride giggling)
Someone, please get this
woman a glass of champagne.
(both laughing)
- [Bride] I'll race you.
(bride giggling)
(upbeat music)
(bride laughing)
I know a place
Skies so wide and far
Though the sun shines bright
You're my only star
Oh, you're my only star
I know a place
The ocean clear and blue
Though the moon hangs low
You're my only view
Oh, you're my only view
(fish tank bubbling)
- [Wife] This place hasn't
changed a bit, has it?
- Nope.
It still tastes awful.
- [Wife] Well I don't know
why you even ordered it.
You didn't even like
it the last time.
- I like that little umbrella.
(gentle music)
- Excuse me.
- What can I get you, guys?
- [Groom] What do
you want, margarita?
- Yeah.
- Two margaritas. Rocks.
With salt?
- Definitely with salt.
- With salt, please.
- Mm-hmm, two
margaritas on the rocks.
- I like everything salty.
(bride giggling)
Mm-hmm.
(groom chuckling)
(gentle music)
When it's cold and gray
- Excuse me.
Sorry, we didn't
mean to interrupt.
- Oh no, we're sorry.
We didn't mean to make
you feel uncomfortable.
- Honeymoon?
- Is it that obvious?
- He and I used to be
in love like that once.
- Did you say once?
- Yeah.
(husband laughing)
Well, it does get better.
Trust me, we should know.
We got married 20
years ago today.
- Oh, well, happy
anniversary then.
- [Groom] Congrats.
- I'm not gonna say it
hasn't been a long road.
- Well anything that's worth
the drive there is, yeah?
- That is true.
- How long are y'all
in Puerto Rico?
- Oh, it's our last day
tomorrow, unfortunately.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Back to reality, huh?
- Yeah, back to reality.
- It's been paradise, of course.
No doubt.
It's been great to...
Somehow we have managed to
not get any fresh seafood
since we've been here.
- Well ours here is excellent.
We catch it fresh out of the
water right back there daily.
- Oh, well, what he means
is he hasn't had a chance
to catch it himself yet.
He likes to pretend
he knows how to fish.
- What?
I know how to fish.
What, do you think we don't
fish back in merry old England?
Brilliant water.
Beautiful views.
It's the thrill of the chase.
You know?
That is a perfect holiday.
And I have been fishing since
I was just a little lad.
- Well he always
liked to fish too,
but I always found
it incredibly boring.
I'd rather sew,
and I hate sewing.
(all chuckling)
- Well if you're looking
to do the fishing yourself
I'd recommend going down the
harbor and renting a boat.
Just go down there
and ask around
and somebody will be
willing to take you out.
- Mm, thank you.
Yeah, I can do that
if I'm allowed.
- They're allowed too.
- [Groom] No, I mean,
if we have enough time.
I mean.
- Oh.
- I'll tell you
what, love birds,
these two old birds gotta get
back to the nest right now.
- Aw.
- Aw.
- But we're taking
care of your drinks.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Absolutely not.
It's not necessary.
- My pleasure.
Okay?
You enjoy the rest of your
time here now, all right.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Back into me with your heart
- Maybe you catch some fish.
- Mm.
(gentle music)
- You know, that
could be us one day.
- Oh, well, we've managed
to survive this long.
What's another 20 years, huh?
- One day at a time.
Right?
- You know, I love what I do.
(upbeat music)
(engine revving)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(phone ringing)
(upbeat music)
(phone ringing)
(phone ringing continues)
- Where are you?
Just...
Just tell me you're all right.
Okay?
I can hear your breathing
the sounds of the car,
but I'm worried about you.
- I can't go through with it.
I'm sorry, I thought
I could, but...
- Listen, whatever I've
done, I'll, I'll fix it.
Okay? Just tell-
- It's what we've done.
What we can't do.
- Come on, hon, I love you.
We can do anything together,
you and me, we already have.
- I love you too.
But I want out.
I want out of all of it.
- Now you know better than
anybody that's not possible.
Just come back now and
we can still fix this.
We, we'll fix all of this.
- No.
We can't.
(phone line beeping)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
Hi, Dad.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(jar rattling)
(jar thudding)
(bride gulping)
(cork clattering)
(crickets chirping)
(bottle crashing)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
I spent so many
sleepless nights
Missing you and wishing
you were holding me tight
I cried almost every day
Longing for the time
before you ever went away
(upbeat music)
I wake up every
morning alone
Praying it will be the
day you wanna come home
If you ever walk
through the door
I would never take you
for granted anymore
- Hm.
If this is paradise...
(bride sighing)
(upbeat music)
You might not love me
in the way that I do
But I'll still be waiting
and devoted to you
I dream of you when
stars are above
When the sun is shining
I think only of your love
One thing I know
will always be true
I will live out every
day devoted to you
Devoted to you
Devoted to you
Devoted to you
Devoted to you
Devoted to you
Devoted to you
Devoted to you
(bride scoffing)
- What have you done?
(bride sighing)
(crickets chirping)
(tense music)
(gravel crunching)
(engine rumbling)
(seat belts clunking)
(doors thudding)
(tense music)
(phone line ringing)
- [Groom] Hello?
- Well we found
your runaway bride.
You were right, she's here.
Right where you
said she would be.
Her car is parked
right out front.
- I didn't even know
about the damn place.
It's just where her mum
said she might be at.
Just try and hold her
then until I get there.
The university already
knows about what happened.
- You thought they wouldn't?
Well, I mean, geez.
Half the staff was at
that church tonight.
- Yeah, well I'm gonna
try and talk to the Dean
before they find out the rest.
- You sure about that?
Hm?
I mean, they've been bending
over backwards for you.
I just, I don't know,
I don't see any way
of coming back from that.
If she wants what she
really wants, you know.
- Look, just do
what I ask for now.
All right?
It's my wedding night
for Christ's sake.
You're supposed
to be my best man.
- Hmm.
- I just wanna
talk to her first.
- Whatever you say, chief.
- [Groom] I'll be
there as soon as I can.
(suspenseful music)
(suspenseful music continues)
(suspenseful music continues)
- So he just, he wants us
to keep her here for now.
(car lock beeping)
- (chuckles) He thinks
he's gonna get her back?
- Yeah, well, you know
our boy, he's in love.
What can I say?
And love makes you
do some crazy things.
You know the definition
of love is an intense
feeling of affection.
- "The definition of love."
Is that from your
best man's speech?
You're not gonna torture us
with that shit again, are you?
(all laughing)
- You know, being
somebody's best man
is a job I take very seriously.
(all laughing)
And I worked my fucking ass
off on that thing so, yeah.
- This is bullshit, you two
are arguing about a speech.
We're chasing after her.
Love is a liability.
(upbeat music)
- Speaking of love,
I got a match.
She's hot too.
I'm gonna marry this one.
Mm.
- Guys, we need to focus.
Focus.
We got a bridezilla
killer on the loose
somewhere around here.
- Wait a minute.
Can't live with
'em, can't kill 'em.
- Ah, right.
And nobody does.
Are we clear on that?
It is a containment mission.
Remember, you know her.
She's supposed to be our friend.
- We haven't forgotten.
I thought we were going
to her wedding tonight.
- Hm.
- Yeah, well things changed.
- Honestly, I always thought
our boy could do better.
- Where the hell is Big Sexy?
Has anyone seen Big Sexy?
- All right.
(groomsman sighing)
(door knocking)
Honey, I'm home.
Love comes along
And all heartache
is gone in a glimmer
(upbeat music)
(bride sniffing)
- All right, I'm
gonna have you three,
you meet up with Big Sexy
and go check that
side of the house.
You two check that side.
I'm just gonna wait here.
If you can, just try
to flush her out.
Let's go.
Move, move, move.
(groomsman groaning)
- Why don't you just kick
in the goddamn doors?
- Look at us, we are gentlemen.
Right?
We wanna keep this shit
as peaceful as possible.
Kicking the fucking door in,
doesn't exactly fit the bill.
Unfortunately.
Toodles.
(upbeat music)
(door handle rattling)
Rush
- Who the fuck says, "Toodles?"
After the thrill
- Motherfucker taking this
best man shit too serious.
Love comes along for the
(upbeat music)
- We're gonna go cover the
basement doors and windows.
You two, take this entrance.
- Who died and made him boss?
You know what?
I don't think I like his tone.
- No?
- No, I don't.
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(door knocking)
(door handle rattling)
- I can't see shit.
- The beamer, the
music, the lights.
Oh, she's in there.
- Come on.
(upbeat music)
(door knocking)
- Man, this is some bullshit.
I should be balls deep in
some bridesmaids right now
instead of doing this shit.
(phone chiming)
Blowing up right now.
Yeah, the ladies love T-Bone.
- T-Bone, put that
phone on silent.
- Okay.
Sorry, Big Sexy.
I never asked you, who
gave you the name Big Sexy?
- I did.
I'm big and I'm sexy.
(gentle music)
- Ah, yeah, good.
Out of the way, Mr. Sexy.
(door knocking)
Come on.
Ah!
- You cannot open the
door without the key.
- Let's go the other way.
- All right, go ahead.
(gentle music)
(door knocking)
(gentle music)
- Hmm.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(window knocking)
(water running)
(water running continues)
(gentle music)
(door knocking)
(gentle music)
Today, I'd like to
just be your valentine
By now you know it
Be my valentine
(gentle music)
- Ah.
What are we gonna
do now, T-Bone?
- [T-Bone] What?
- What's the plan, T-Bone?
- We're friends, right?
- Yeah, we're friends.
- Can I be honest with you?
- Yeah.
- Why are you such
a disappointment?
No, I'm serious.
Why are you such
a disappointment?
We should already be in there.
Why aren't we in there?
Answer me, goddammit.
- I don't know, let me think.
Let me think.
If one door doesn't
open, the other one will.
Well, I'll...
Just follow my lead.
I'll show it to you.
- Show me the way.
- [Big Sexy] Are
you going first?
- Yeah.
(leaves rustling)
In my heart you are my
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
(door knocking)
- Open the goddamn door.
(door knocking)
- Can you please
just open the door?
Yes?
(door knocking)
Pretty please.
- Sometimes these things just
need a little bit of finesse.
All right, just follow my lead.
T-Bone will show
you how it's done.
I love you
- Are you serious?
What the fuck just happened?
We had her.
Why did you just stand there?
- Why did you just stand there?
- You're supposed to have point.
- I thought you had point.
- No one is paying you to think.
Who the fuck is
paying you to think?
- No one is paying
me for anything.
- Shut up.
Shut up.
- Nice hands.
Feels like Russian massage.
- After we catch her,
I'm going to kill you.
I swear to God I will...
(T-Bone groaning)
(dramatic music)
(doors crashing)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
(dramatic music continues)
Now we fly without a care
Say goodbye to the
folks down there
Ask my why
(upbeat music)
(knife clattering)
(upbeat music)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
- [Bride] Oh my God.
(tense music)
Across the room
Like a bride without a groom
If I tried would she
assume I've been drinking
Too much thinking
Won't do me no good
Bells are ringing
Telling me that I should
Now we fly without a care
Say goodbye to the
folks down there
Ask me why
Or when or where
I won't answer
I'll romance her
- Wait a minute, I thought we
weren't kicking the door in?
- We...
We tried to be gentlemanly.
Clearly she is not
going to make this easy.
- Oh.
- And you thought she would?
- Well, like I
said, she's supposed
to be one of our friends.
- Were.
- Yeah, see, I knew we should
have brought our supplies.
- Relax.
I mean, it's not like
she has anything either.
Right?
They were very clear,
no guns at the wedding.
Not even the cars.
Second amendment be damned.
- Still we could have
at least stopped.
- Why?
It's not like we're
here to kill anybody.
I mean, not yet, right?
- Yeah, well I still
took mine to the wedding.
I'd rather have my
utensils and need 'em
than need 'em and not have 'em.
- Interesting.
- Well where are they?
- I left them in the van
when we took the car.
- So, wait a second.
Have any of you
even seen her yet?
- She's somewhere in here.
- No shit.
Why don't you go find her?
Hmm?
- Guess I'll check upstairs.
- Guess I'll go with you.
- Ah, ah, ah, ah.
Why don't I just
hang on to this?
Yeah.
Toodles.
(groomsman chuckling)
- And I guess I'll
look around down here.
- And I shall find
some better music.
(bride breathing)
(birds cooing)
(tense music)
(upbeat music)
- Hey, newly weds.
- Hey.
- Oh, hey.
- We heard this was the best
breakfast spot in Puerto Rico.
So we'd fill our bellies
before we figure out
this fishing situation.
Speaking of which, do you happen
to know where we could rent
or charter a boat?
Like the bartender
said last night.
- For fishing.
- Hmm.
Yeah. No, not really.
We're just passing
through, like you all,
and I really wouldn't know.
- [Groom] Hmm.
- I'll tell you what though,
why don't you both
come out with us today?
Spend the day with
us on our boat.
- Oh, no.
We don't want to impose.
Especially not if you guys
are just here on vacation too.
- Yeah, really appreciate
your offer but-
- This is every day for us.
Come on now, be nice.
Stop me from cleaning
the damn thing today.
Come on.
- Of course.
It'd be great to have
some young blood around.
I mean we hardly
ever have company.
- Wait, you live on the boat?
- On the water,
wherever it takes us.
Nowhere. Everywhere.
Always an adventure.
- Well that's amazing.
- Yeah.
You need a boat?
The come on, let's
go to the boat.
You need a boat, right?
I got a boat.
How about it?
- All right.
- Well all right.
(bride panting)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music intensifies)
(bike engine revving)
(bike engine roaring)
(foot thudding)
(dramatic music)
(bride groaning)
(helmet thudding)
- What do you
think you're doing?
Just put down the knife.
- Well I was hoping
to have the night
to figure it out a little more.
- Looks like you already
made your decision.
- Hmm.
I'm working on it.
- You know, he told
us not to hurt you.
- He told you not to hurt me?
Oh, that's nice.
(bride grunting)
(dramatic music)
(knife clattering)
(dramatic music)
(foot thudding)
(groomsman grunting)
(bride screaming)
(dramatic music)
(bride grunting)
(bride screaming)
(body thudding)
(bride screaming)
(dramatic music)
(bride grunting)
(fist thudding)
(groomsman groaning)
(dramatic music)
(body thudding)
(dramatic music)
(elbow thudding)
(dramatic music)
(bride grunting)
(dramatic music)
(bride yelling)
(dramatic music)
(bride grunting)
(dramatic music)
(bride grunting)
(knife squelching)
(bride grunting)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(bride retching)
(tense music)
(bride panting)
(tense music)
(tense music intensifies)
(tense music continues)
(lock clicking)
(tense music)
- [T-Bone] Meow.
(tense music)
Meow.
Meow.
(dramatic music)
- Oh.
- I just wanna talk.
- Well it's too late for that.
(bride groaning)
(bride coughing)
- What the hell
took you so long?
That was a terrible idea.
Froze my ass off.
- Hey, it was your idea, man.
- Next time you get
in the refrigerator.
Next time you're
the distraction.
Shut up, bitch.
(bride grunting)
(bride exclaiming)
(bride coughing)
(big Sexy chuckling)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
- [T-Bone] Fucking, bitch.
(wrench clattering)
(T-Bone grunting)
(dramatic music)
(shovel clanging)
(bride panting)
(blood squelching)
(big Sexy thudding)
(bride exclaiming)
- Now you're really
gonna get it, bitch.
(T-Bone grunting)
You wanna play?
Then let's play.
(T-Bone grunting)
You killed my friend,
you fucking bitch.
(T-Bone grunting)
You fucking psychopath.
Hey, where you going?
Where are you going?
Don't you wanna play?
Let's play with the devil, huh?
Fuck!
(T-Bone grunting)
Huh!
Fucking start!
Get up.
Get up, bitch.
Get the fuck up, pussy cat.
You wanna play with the doggy?
Woof.
Woof.
Shut the fuck up.
Shut up.
Come on.
Huh?
I'll show you what made me
the Golden Gloves Champion
of my community.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Yeah, show me that leg.
Show me that leg.
Come on, I'm ready, pussy cat.
- Too bad, I really liked you.
Now.
(foot thudding)
(boxes crashing)
- [T-Bone] Oh, you bitch.
(upbeat music)
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
- Wow, you are
really taking this up
to a whole new level, baby.
Hmm? Huh?
I mean, you're making it harder
than it has to be though.
No, we didn't come
here to hurt you.
Not really.
- Well if you're so
tough, come and get me,
you piece of shit.
- Woo-ee.
Lovey dovey lovey one
Come sit down on my knee
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Tell you a story
Happened a long time ago
A-little bitty pretty one
- You know, up until a few
hours ago we were all here
to celebrate your wedding.
And I had one hell
of a speech prepared.
Damn, and it was supposed to
be a magical fucking evening.
You know, surrounded by
friends, drinking, laughing.
Me cutting a little rug.
You know, I was
here for it, baby.
- Where'd she go?
- Upstairs.
Ooh.
- I'm tired of this shit.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Not yet.
(groomsman chuckling)
- Not yet?
The game has changed,
motherfucker.
It was her that threw
the kill switch.
She threw the panel lights.
- Okay, but, but what
about our friends?
Right?
- Oh, what about our friends?
They're gone.
- Maybe you don't even
give a shit about them,
but I still do.
And we will drink to them
for they will be missed.
- Are you kidding me?
- Do I look like I am
kidding you right now?
Hmm?
- You know, I'm starting
to miss working alone.
- Mm.
You know, those
are the two people
that we could actually
talk to about what we do.
We should've had the day off.
We should be enjoying
ourselves tonight.
Okay?
So instead we will give
them a motherfucking toast.
Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Thank you.
(gentle music)
You twirl your hair
and glance my way
Blase
- Mm.
We go playing that love game
- Look here, how appropriate.
I mean, it ain't work
if we're having fun.
Right?
- Fun?
I'm sure as shit not
having any fucking fun.
- Oh, speak for yourself.
I mean, he is our friend and
he would do the same for us.
- Yeah, well I'm
supposed to be drunk,
getting my groove on with one
of the bridesmaids right now.
- And whose fault is that?
Hm?
We trained together.
Shared secrets.
God, man, I love those guys.
They're like my brothers.
You know, love.
You know, it's an
intense feeling
of affection and concern
toward another human being.
Me?
I haven't been in love.
No.
- Come on, man.
Not this fucking
speech again, please.
- I am doing this to honor them.
They would want to hear it.
Okay?
But seeing love happen,
especially with one of
your closest friends,
it is a beautiful thing.
It really is.
Now, when I was asked to
give the best man's speech,
I can't say I was surprised.
I mean, I killed a
lot of people to prove
that I was the best.
Right?
I kid. I kid.
I kid.
Oh, wow.
Seriously though, welcome
to our joyous occasion.
In my name...
(footsteps thudding)
Ooh.
All right, we'll
finish this later.
To those that have fallen and
those that are still standing.
Hmm?
(glasses clinking)
- Cheers.
(birds cawing)
- I mean, that is
one crazy story.
And I can't believe y'all
are still together now.
- It sounds like you guys had
it even rougher than we did.
- Yeah, well, what can I say?
A lot of people had to
die for us to be together.
- It sounds like it.
Where'd you bury the bodies?
Backyard?
(both laughing)
- Yeah, well,
nobody really knows
what goes on behind
closed doors, do they?
- No, they do not.
- Stop it.
- No, but seriously
he was crazy and
she deserved better.
Don't know that she got
that, but here I am.
- Thank you, honey.
So what about you two?
How did you guys meet?
- Well, that's a long story.
But I'll tell you what,
there were a lot of people
didn't want us together neither.
Yeah.
That was a lot of
years ago now though.
- Yeah.
- Right?
- 20 years.
Love conquers all.
Now we just go wherever
our hearts lead us.
- Wow.
Do you ever have any friends
or family come visit you?
- No. No.
Unfortunately.
But mostly, fortunately.
(all laughing)
We were gonna tell the museum.
(gentle music)
I gotta cook.
(gentle music)
- Now that's definitely a
lifestyle I could get behind.
What do you think?
(gentle music)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(plates clattering)
What about you guys?
Anything you miss?
Do you ever have
any regrets maybe?
- Just that we
never had children.
- Yeah.
No way to go on once we're gone.
- Not to try and dig
too deep or anything
but is that because you
didn't wanna have any,
or you couldn't?
- Oh, we could.
- We want to but it just
didn't really make sense
when we look at our way of life.
- What do you mean?
- I don't know.
Just we both worked a lot.
Both stressed.
Both traveling for
work all the time.
Both had a demanding job.
- Well it looks like
it all worked out
for you guys in the end.
- We have a good life.
Yeah, we do.
We have our ups and
downs like everyone,
but I wouldn't
trade for the world.
Trust me, no, no, no.
You know, I learned
a lot about life.
Everything I did, you know?
But that's what life is, right?
It's about learning.
Got respect, honor, endurance.
Everything I did taught me
what I needed to know to live
right up to this moment.
- And what about that
scar on your shoulder?
What did that teach you?
- [Bride] You don't
have to talk about it,
if you don't want to.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
It's good knowing when
you're close to death.
Makes you not
forget how to live.
August 7th, 1986.
(tense music)
That's the day that
changed my life forever.
Eight of us, all sent on
foreign soil to take out
some high ranking
official over there.
Fed a bunch of lies.
That's often the way
to justify actions.
You never question above.
Not back then.
He said it was supposed to
be a quick, easy in and out.
And we believed him.
You know?
But the thing was...
The eight of us, we were
among the best at what we did.
But we never worked together.
I mean, not as a team.
I mean, we'd hung out together.
We drank beers together.
We trained together,
respected each other.
We was all the best of
friends, is what we were.
I mean we always, we
always worked alone.
That's how it was preferred.
Always.
That's how we preferred it.
You know, we were
all good enough
that we could do whatever
we needed to do alone.
One man, that person,
he can slip in and out,
but you bring a group, all of
a sudden that's gonna bring
a lot of attention.
And that's exactly what
happened on that day,
August 7th, 1986.
See, instead of
being on offense,
we found ourselves on defense.
Might as well have been the
4th of July in that room.
We were...
(hands thudding)
Bang.
Bows flying all over the place.
Ringing.
That's the kind of ringing
don't leave your head either.
It's the kind of
ringing that wake you up
in the middle of night today.
(tense music)
Yeah, they was my brothers.
There's no way to erase the
sight of watching your brother
take his last breath.
And my night, that was me.
Seven times.
See, I was the only
one to make it back.
Oh, shotgun.
Shoulder.
But I survived it.
August 7th, 1986.
What a goddamn day.
- I'm sorry.
- Sometimes you
lose your closest,
'cause that's what
happens at war.
Right?
But you know the funny thing?
Back then, usually the
day before you went off
on the day before, you went
and you had a bachelor party.
Right?
I didn't have anyone left to
throw mine on August 8th, 1986.
(tense music)
But that did not
stop me from marrying
the most beautiful woman in
the world on August 9th, 1986.
The happiest day of my life.
(wife chuckling)
This is it.
Everything I've done has taught
me what I needed to learn
to live right here
in this moment.
Now, enough of all
this dark stuff.
Right?
This is a honeymoon, I thought.
We are in paradise, take a look.
Look at water and
we got islands.
You two go and have some fun.
All right?
Take advantage of this ride.
- Well that sounds like
a great idea to me.
(gentle music)
(waves lapping)
I can help you carry
some of that stuff out.
(faint chattering)
(waves lapping)
(tense music)
(upbeat music)
Away we go to lands
beyond the sea
Nice and slow
No other place to be
Away we go, darling,
come away with me
Away we go
We'll find a sunny shore
Then we'll know that
love's forevermore
Away we go you're
everything I'm searching for
- Mm.
When darkness
comes we hide away
When storms do rock
the gentle tide
I know the dawn
will light the day
As long as you're
right by my side
Away we go
- Shit, she's a runner.
- Oh, easy.
Easy, there, tiger.
Okay, maybe she's
just fucking with us.
Right?
And maybe she's still
upstairs right now.
Hmm?
I mean, regardless,
we will find out.
I love our dear groom.
I really do.
I do.
I'm the best man,
of course I do.
But this wedding is
officially called off.
- So are you saying we're
cool with a killer now?
- Well we're not
gonna sit around here
and let her kill us.
Are we?
- Yeah, I'm not down
for her killing us.
That's for damn sure.
- Yo, he's gonna
be pissed though.
- Oh, God.
It's for his own good, and ours.
- Since you're the best
man, you can tell him
we killed his bride.
- I am the best man.
And I will.
You know what?
Let's make this a little
more fun, shall we?
Huh?
Okay, we're gonna
call this mission...
I got it. I got it.
Showdown at the family cabin.
Whoever gets to her
first wins the honeymoon
that I purchased for
the happy couple.
- Yeah, but you probably pick
some bougie shit like Paris.
- So cliche.
Puerto Rico, my friend.
- [Groomsman] I
love Puerto Rico.
- I bet you do.
I bet you do.
So...
You, why don't you
take the upstairs.
In case it was a diversion.
You can fuck off to the
basement, in case she's hiding.
And we shall take the front,
make sure she doesn't
get one of those cars.
Right?
- Right.
- Come on.
(door clattering)
(upbeat music)
(stairs creaking)
(upbeat music)
Okay, which way to go.
Which way to go.
Actually, you take,
you take left.
Yeah, you.
- Yeah, all right.
- Nah.
Nah, you take
right, I lean left.
Okay?
Right?
- Focus, motherfucker.
Focus. Focus.
- Mm, they're watching.
(upbeat music)
Sweetheart?
Where are you?
I'm missing my dancing partner.
Come on.
(groomsman chuckling)
Yeah, sure.
Got me out here looking for
her crazy ass by myself.
Everybody else in pairs.
Like I'm the lone fucking ranger
with no Tonto.
This is some bullshit.
- Where, where, where
is that beautiful bride?
Huh?
Sweetheart, you out here?
Let me see that beautiful dress.
Nah, I don't think
you're out here.
Oh, but I love this song.
Ooh, yes.
When you touch me, baby
My heart is on fire
You're so sweet
and so lovely
The only one I desire
Now that I'm
- Oh, I love this jam.
Ooh.
Anything?
- Another dead
brother out there.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Well we'll have a toast
for him later, yeah?
- God, I hope not.
- You...
Do you think our girl
is that clever where
she would double back?
Hmm?
(door creaking)
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
(groomsman breathing)
(upbeat music)
Anything?
- Nada.
- No, keep looking.
Yeah?
And keep your head on a swivel.
I swear to God.
(upbeat music)
(golf club thudding)
(upbeat music)
(bride grunting)
(fist thudding)
(bride grunting)
(glass shattering)
(bride grunting)
(groomsman grunting)
(fist thudding)
(groomsman grunting)
Watch the cars back
til the break of day
Crazy Johnny and
the Chevrolet
(bride yelling)
(elbows thudding)
(bride groaning)
(bodies thudding)
(fists thudding)
(foot thudding)
(hand slapping)
(bride groaning)
(bride yelling)
(upbeat music)
(groomsman choking)
(neck cracking)
(upbeat music)
Crazy Johnny and
the Chevrolet
On the weekends
everybody pack the barns
Next to the highway
with the wings and cars
When he tells a story
makes it sound like a dream
It's the good old
boys and lots of speed
I wasn't here back then
I'd be jamming rock n'
roll with all my friends
(knife whooshing)
(clothes rustling)
Watch the cars right
til the break of day
Crazy Johnny and
the Chevrolet
(upbeat music)
(bride yelling)
(groomsman groaning)
(bride yelling)
- I guess we're not
friends anymore.
(groomsman grunting)
(bride yelling)
- You were the one who ran.
You can run from them, but
you can't run from him.
We're number one.
Nobody gets out alive.
- Well I guess I'm just
breaking all the rules.
Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet
He rocks in the tree
tops all the day long
Hoppin' and a-boppin'
and a-singing his song
All the little birds
on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin
go tweet tweet tweet
Rockin' robin
Tweet, tweet, tweet
Rockin' robin
Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
Blow rockin' robin
'Cause we're really
gonna rock tonight
Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
Every little swallow,
every chick-a-dee
Every little bird
in the tall oak tree
The wise old owl,
the big black crow
Flappin' their wings
singing go bird go
Rockin' robin,
tweet, tweet, tweet
Rockin' robin
Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
Blow rockin' robin
'Cause we're really
gonna rock tonight
Tweet, tweet
(bride yelling)
Tweet, tweet
Tweet, tweet
Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
Tweet
Tweet
Tweet, tweet
Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
Tweet
Tweet, tweedle-lee-dee
A pretty little raven
at the bird-band stand
Taught him how to do the
bop, and it was grand
They started going
steady and bless my soul
He out-bopped the
buzzard and the oriole
He rocks in the tree
top all the day long
Hoppin' and a-bop
All the little birds
on Jaybird Street
Love to hear the robin
go tweet tweet tweet
Rockin' robin,
tweet, tweet, tweet
Rockin' robin, tweet,
tweedle-lee-dee
(crickets chirping)
(crickets chirping continues)
(footsteps thudding)
- Mm.
Mm-mm.
(groomsman grunting)
This was my favorite
fucking song.
It really was.
Oh, now you are fucking
dead, sweetheart.
(footsteps thudding)
Run, run.
I love it when they run.
Huh?
Yeah.
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
- [Bride] Where the
hell are my keys?
(car lock chirping)
(tense music)
(keys jangling)
(tense music)
(bride grunting)
(bride coughing)
Mm, looks like you're
going to Puerto Rico.
- You bet your ass I am.
(bride coughing)
- Where did you think
you were gonna go?
Hmm?
I mean, goddamn, a
wedding, that is one thing,
but you said you wanted
out, and nobody gets out.
You can't just leave.
That...
That is university
policy actually.
And you should know that.
Okay, fine.
I know, I know, it's, it's
cliche, but you know too much.
Hell, we all know
a little too much.
But you did read
the policy, right?
When you signed the papers?
No?
Woo.
(bride snarling)
(groomsman snarling)
- She's a fucking fire
cracker, aint she?
(bride grunting)
- Come on.
(bride grunting)
Come on.
Come on, now.
Mm-hmm.
(bride grunting)
Where do you think you're going?
Since it's your wedding day,
we will wait for the groom.
All right?
But if I wasn't such
an amazing best man
I would just cut your
fucking head off right now.
Okay?
You can, I guess, get
the rest of her inside.
We'll let the two
love birds discuss
and he can decide what
he wants to do with her.
In the meantime,
I shall have another toast
and work on my best man speech.
Because you never know,
could be a wedding day.
Woo, so excited.
- Asshole, make the black
man pick up the garbage.
Ain't that always the case?
(upbeat music)
- Oh, yeah.
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
- [Groomsman] Come on, princess.
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
- Fuck waiting on the groom,
I'm gonna kill you now.
I'll cut your
motherfucking tongue off
and I will watch you bleed.
(bride snarling)
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Little bitty pretty one
- The definition of love
is an intense feeling
of affection and concern
towards another person.
- You fucking bitch!
- You thought I forgot the keys?
You thought I was running?
- Fuck!
- I wanted you here.
Tell you a story
- I have never been in love.
I've never been in love.
A-little bitty pretty one
I've been watchin' you grow
- But when I saw love
happen to a close,
a close friend of mine,
it meant the world to me.
It meant the world to me.
It changed...
It was, it was a
very special moment.
Nah, dammit.
When I...
When I witnessed a close friend.
Where the fuck are they, dude?
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mm
- Oh, what now you stupid...
Ah.
- Hey, buddy.
- What's up?
- You wanna talk about
that screwed policy now?
Huh?
- Okay. Okay.
What is it that
you want, sweetie?
Huh?
I mean they were gonna give you
the wedding that you wanted,
and they never do that.
They were gonna break the rules.
And now what?
You, you what, you expect
them to just let you go now?
Come on.
- Oh, I knew they would
never just let me go.
But there is no happily
ever after what they gave.
- Oh, come on, there's no
happily ever after, ever.
I mean, look, where is
the happily ever after
right here in this
shit show, huh?
- Well you were the ones
that came knocking on my door
like a bunch of assholes.
- And you are lucky it was us.
I mean, shit, we were
supposed to be friends
and this was as good
as it was gonna get.
- Oh, you see, friend, I
don't wanna have to be given
anything anymore.
I want a chance at normal.
Boring.
Nothing out of the ordinary
ever happens kind of life.
- Okay. Okay.
And how?
How the hell were
you gonna do that?
Hmm?
I mean, you could get rid
of all of us, you know?
But they will just send more.
And next time you won't
even know who they are
because this school, oh, this
school is old school baby.
It is old school.
I mean, they've been
around long before us,
and they will be
here long after.
Okay?
I mean, you just don't suddenly
up and decide you wanna
have a normal life
when you teach at the
shadowy organization
that subcontracts assassinations
to every world
fucking government.
Come on.
- Enough.
Thanks for the history
lesson, professor.
But at least I'm making it my
choice to take that chance.
- Yeah. Yeah.
You know what?
He is coming.
He is coming here.
(bride screaming)
(bride grunting)
(groomsman grunting)
(bride snarling)
(groomsman snarling)
- Okay. Okay, okay.
Okay. Okay.
Okay, he was gonna go
talk to the board first
before he came here.
Okay. Easy.
Easy. Now.
Easy.
I'm just be surprised if
he's not on his way already.
Okay?
Listen. Listen.
He's still helping you.
Whoa. Easy.
Still helping you after
everything that you've done.
It's sad, as the best
man, that you're breaking
my boy's fucking heart.
You know that, right?
You know that.
- Well maybe I should
have never even tried
to go through with it.
But by the time I realized
it was already too late,
the train was already
on the tracks.
Come here.
Come here.
Come here.
- Okay.
- You're a killer.
I'm a killer.
And I will kill you.
I've already killed most of
our fucking friends tonight.
- Yeah, I see that and
I really appreciate it.
- Yeah.
Call him.
- What?
- The one we both
still have left.
- Oh God.
- Yeah, I want you, I
want you to pull out
your phone slowly and
I want you to call him
and I want you to
tell him that I'm dead
and that he doesn't have
to come here anymore.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
You want me to call him
and tell him his best man
killed his bride to be?
Come on, he would be so
fucking pissed at me.
I can't do it.
No fucking way.
Oh.
- Sh.
Are you more worried about
pissing him off right now?
Or pissing me off more?
- You, darling, of course.
Definitely.
- Then fucking call him.
- All right, all
right, all right.
All right. All right.
(phone keys beeping)
(phone ringing)
- What's going on?
I just got back from the Dean's,
everything's cool for now.
I'm just about to head that way.
Where is she?
- Ah, she's dead.
Do you hear what I said?
I said that she is dead.
- [Groom] You killed her?
- I mean, I didn't
really have a choice.
I mean, you know how she is.
And she took out
every other guy.
So-
- [Groom] All of them?
- Well, I mean, shit
man, I just, you know,
I had to kill her
before she killed me.
But listen, listen, if
it's any consolation
she was one tough bitch.
You know?
But I am sorry about everything.
(phone beeping)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
He hung up.
So...
But listen, I, you know,
while we're waiting
for him I should give you
the speech that I prepared.
I worked my ass off on it.
You know the definition of love-
(bride screaming)
(bride panting)
(bride panting continues)
- Hey, bitch.
I ain't finished with you yet.
- God, not you again.
- Oh, looks like
everyone is dead.
Good, they were weak.
I was supposed to be best man.
- Huh?
- You caught me slipping.
It ain't happening again.
- How was your flight?
- It was rough.
But I'm here, ain't I?
- I guess you came
back for more.
- You ready for round two?
- Are you ready?
- I'm gonna rip your
fucking head off.
- And you're gonna regret this.
- Whoa.
Whoa.
Wow.
I'm gonna beat you like
your daddy used to.
Come on.
Come on, bitch.
- What did you just call me?
- What did it sound like?
A female dog?
Come on, bitch.
- Don't you ever call
me a bitch again.
- Fuck you.
Come on, bitch.
(dramatic music)
(water dripping)
(chair squeaking)
What the fuck?
What the actual fuck?
You better let me go
right now you fucking...
I'm sorry.
(T-Bone laughing)
I'm sorry.
This is actually really good.
This is good.
This is good.
We're in a good place right now.
You know.
Me and you we're a lot alike.
We are.
All the fighting and killing.
It's exhausting.
I'm over it.
I'm done.
You want out?
So do I.
So do I.
Yo, this is perfect.
We could...
We could just...
We could just leave.
Yeah?
We could just leave.
You and I, we could
just run away.
I mean, not together.
Unless, unless
that's what you want.
I always, I always thought that
you were, you were special.
I...
I always had a crush on you.
No, no.
No.
Okay, you could, you
could just go by yourself.
You could just fucking
leave yourself.
Get me the fuck outta here.
Cut me loose and we
can go toe to toe
you fucking bitch.
Let me fucking go.
Oh God, I will destroy you.
God damn it.
Fuck, I'll destroy you, bitch.
Yeah.
Everyone says that you're
supposed to be the best.
Ah, the sweet little girl.
The best.
It's fucking bullshit.
You're a fucking joke.
Look at you, you're
fucking pathetic.
You fucking bitch.
That thing doesn't even
fucking work you stupid cunt.
(T-Bone laughing)
Nice legs though.
Really, nice legs.
Yeah.
Yeah.
- When you tried to kill me
earlier you forgot the gas.
(T-Bone panting)
- Fuck.
Fuck.
(chainsaw whirring)
(chainsaw whirring continues)
(chainsaw whirring continues)
(bride panting)
(water dripping)
(bride panting)
(blood splattering)
(bride panting)
(bride panting continues)
(crickets chirping)
(crickets chirping continues)
(water gushing)
(water gushing continues)
(bride panting)
You didn't read up
on the assignment
very well then, did you?
Wow, I didn't even
know people ate shark.
But it was great.
- Well, you can do it.
A lot of variables.
You got species
of the shark, age,
how fast you could bleed it out.
- Yeah, well we never
fished shark back in London.
That's for sure.
(all laughing)
- Because people are
scared of sharks.
Fierce, fierce predators.
Let me ask you, you
both afraid of sharks?
You see I equate the situation
we have here right now
to the relationship with
the shark and the dolphin.
You see the shark and the
dolphin tend to inhabit
the same region.
They can be copacetic,
live together, be happy.
But all it takes is
for one bad shark
and that turns the tide.
And then it ruins
it for everybody.
See a dolphin, you got
a lot to offer the shark
in the way of the food chain.
Big food source.
Now the shark on the other hand,
he got absolutely nothing
to offer that dolphin.
Everybody knows a shark,
he could rip right
into that dolphin.
Can't he?
But the dolphin, he
don't have that luxury.
No, the dolphin, he
gotta stay with the pack
and swim around that shark
and try to confuse him.
Now when he least expect
it, without any warning,
that dolphin, he surprises
him by swimming up underneath
and he ram that nose right
into that shark belly
and kill the shark
with one good blow.
That's a fact.
So...
I bring this up incidentally,
because this is
where I find myself
and my wife this current moment.
And we need to know,
we'd like to know,
are we the shark?
Are we the dolphin?
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
See the dolphin, he's got
no reason to kill the shark.
Unless it's defense.
And that is the position I do
believe that I find my wife
and myself currently
in right now.
Now dolphins have been
known to play with sharks.
Much like a cat would play
with mice before they kill it.
But that's just a weird game.
- We've known who you two
were ever since we met you
at the bar yesterday.
Doing what you're doing.
We were both you, only we
were doing it long before
you two were ever born.
- Now the university knows
that we know the rules
and that's one of the reasons
we've been able to avoid
their cross hairs
for over 20 years.
And they'd know that
one of these rules
say you'd never send a teacher
because teachers,
they work alone.
But I think they did
that intentionally,
that was the reason, because
they thought if they sent
you both you may
get close enough
and that you can clean
their palate of us.
Forever.
Now there also may
be one other reason
they sent you both, I think.
Because they knew that one
of you would do anything,
and I mean anything to
get close enough to us
to put a bullet in our heads.
Did you know there's only
one time since we fled
the university that
we have any problems
in this long, long,
strange trip we've had?
April 26th, 1994.
I'm good with dates, aren't I?
I think you know that
date, don't you, darling?
They found us in Europe.
Man, you have his eyes.
And that smile
when it comes out.
And if he was my
daddy, I understand,
because I would
want that revenge.
But I love my wife, so I cannot
give you the satisfaction
that you desire.
- I never even got to
say goodbye to him.
- He was a good man.
He truly was.
But he came to kill us.
And this is the life we chose.
(tense music)
(tense music intensifies)
(bride sighing)
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
- I guess you've been out of
the game for too long now.
- You've gone soft
in your old age.
You've lost your edge.
Missed things that would've
got you killed years ago
if you had then.
Like my bride here emptying
out all the bullets
from your only gun on board.
I pity you, really.
It amazes me that you've
been able to evade
the university as
long as you have.
I mean, hell, you're
practically the reason
for the no romantic
relationships on campus policy
and yet here you sit helpless.
The ones who got away.
The runaways who
could never be found.
You were once two of the best
and now it seems as
though you've forgotten
who you once were.
- No, you don't forget.
You don't forget
what we've done.
Growing old does
not make you soft.
I assure you I
haven't lost my edge.
It's just that I got
tired of sharpening it.
- The fact that it is so dull
has put you in a position
where not only can
you not protect her,
but you can't protect yourself.
- We had a good life.
More than most.
And now we take the adventure
we never had together.
(tense music)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(tense music continues)
(gun firing)
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(no audio)
I've always loved
the way you smell.
You killed all of them?
- [Bride] Are you
surprised, honey?
- No.
Not really.
They were our friends though.
(groom sighing)
- [Bride] They
were your friends.
- I spoke to the Dean tonight.
I convinced him you
weren't a flight risk
and that you'd just
gotten cold feet.
Oh, dear.
It's gonna be kind
of hard to prove
that now that you've killed
half our wedding party.
- I don't need to prove
anything to anybody anymore.
Like I said, I want out.
- Well there's no way out.
I think that old couple
has proven that enough.
They'll find you no
matter how long it takes.
- That old couple still
had plenty of time together
away from them.
They had a good life.
- What?
Out on a boat
practically by themselves
for 20 something years
doing absolutely jack shit?
That's not a life,
that's merely existence.
- [Bride] We should have
never killed that couple.
- We did them a favor and
put them out of their misery.
The old man killed your
father for Christ sake.
- Because my father
was one of them.
One of us.
He did what he had to
do for him and his wife
to be together.
- Now the university
gave us their blessing.
They didn't know so I didn't
think they would but they did.
We could have a
good life together.
- The only reason they
gave us their blessing
is because of what we
did to that couple.
As long as we were still playing
by the rest of their rules
we were worth more
alive to them than dead.
Sure we came clean and
told them about us,
so they trusted us,
but really it was
just another way
for them to still
try and control us.
That's why they allowed
us to go through with it.
- But they allowed it.
- The university.
To some they cut checks,
to you they're like
a goddamn religion.
Don't you get it?
We shouldn't have had
to ask permission.
- Yeah, well, we all knew
the rules when we enrolled.
All of us did.
- Well, like I
said, people change.
- Well what about us?
Hmm?
Did that change too?
You look like you
could use a drink.
Come on.
Don't treat me like a stranger.
After all you are the
one who left me standing
at the altar tonight.
Remember?
- Sure, I could
always use a drink.
(groom sighing)
(glasses clinking)
(both gulping)
(no audio)
(footsteps tapping)
(gentle music)
- May I have this dance?
- Last dance.
(gentle music)
Ooh, ah, do you remember
Ooh, ah, you said forever
Doo, ah, you said you
would never let me go
(gentle music)
You said you'd never leave
But that was a lie
You haunt all my dreams
You left me alone to cry
Ooh, ah, do you remember
Ooh, ah, you said forever
Doo, ah, you said you
would never let me go
(gentle music)
- Why'd you do it?
Why did you leave
them all there?
All alone with no explanation.
- If I could run from
you easily, I would've
done it sooner.
- But you're my partner.
And a partner's not supposed
to run from their partner.
- [Bride] I guess I'm
not a good person.
- Most of the people
that you've killed
weren't very good for
themselves or anyone else.
See even God doesn't
judge, so why should we?
- I was sitting
in church tonight,
alone in my
beautiful white dress
and I saw this mother with
her baby and a little baby boy
and I knew right then and
there that if I married you,
I could never have that.
I do love you.
But deep down, I know I
couldn't go through with it.
- I went to the Board, I
was prepared to go down
in a hail of bullets
if that's what it took.
Like Bonnie and Clyde.
(bride giggling)
- Maybe that's what
should have happened then.
(gentle music)
- Even when so many
things were right?
You're the one who
wanted a big wedding.
- If I had come to you
first, would you have left?
- They gave us
everything we wanted.
There was no reason to run.
- So you're prepared
to die with me,
but you would've never
left them for me?
Huh?
- Even if I did, they
would've killed us both.
I wouldn't want that for you.
I wouldn't want that for us.
- There is no us.
Not anymore.
- Well if you're so
through with everything,
why'd you even come
here in first place?
Why didn't you just keep running
if that's what
you really wanted?
- Because hell hath no
fury like a man scorned.
You're a jilted lover now, babe.
And once I'm running,
the teacher that's
gonna come after me,
the strongest and
the hardest is you
and I want to drab,
routine kind of a life.
And I'm willing to die to
try and make that happen.
(gentle music)
- Aint love grand?
- I came to say goodbye.
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
- All right.
I do love you.
I always will.
But one of us has
to die tonight.
- Mm.
Well I'm not gonna wait
around to play defense.
This is offense.
(groom sighing)
(gentle music)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
(gentle music continues)
- To us.
- To us.
(gentle music)
(groom yelling)
(bottle shattering)
(bride yelling)
(foot thudding)
(groom grunting)
(fist thudding)
(groom grunting)
(foot thudding)
(groom grunting)
(bride yelling)
(head thudding)
So long, so long
Farewell, farewell
I'll be heading
out on my own
(fists whooshing)
(bride yelling)
(leg thudding)
(bride yelling)
(fist thudding)
(bride groaning)
'Cause I've had
enough of you now
(bride coughing)
(elbow thudding)
(groom yelling)
(foot thudding)
(groom groaning)
(both yelling)
(body thudding)
(bride yelling)
(foot thudding)
(groom grunting)
(glass rattling)
(bride grunting)
- I guess we just skipped to
til death do us part, honey.
(bride yelling)
(bride yelling continues)
'Cause I've had
enough of you now
So long, so long
Farewell, farewell
I'll be heading
out on my own
This is the end
of what we had
But don't worry, baby
I don't feel bad
Honey, say goodbye
to this honey
'Cause I've had
enough of you now
(upbeat music)
(waves crashing)
(birds cawing)
(waves crashing)
- I guess I won't be
needing this anymore.
- You know, I...
I don't know.
I think maybe you
should hold onto it.
- What do you mean?
- I'm tired of hiding.
- Well what about your...
What about the job?
What about them?
- We won't run like
that other couple.
I dunno, maybe...
Maybe we'll go to the
university, we'll come clean,
let the chips fall
where they fall.
It's worth the risk.
You are worth the risk.
(bride gasping)
Will you marry me?
- Yes.
(waves crashing)
(waves crashing continues)
- I love you.
(waves crashing)
(waves crashing continues)
One day at a time, right?
- We've survived this long.
(waves crashing)
(waves crashing continues)
(upbeat music)
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
(upbeat music)
("Bridal Chorus"
by Wagner playing)
("Bridal Chorus" by
Wagner playing continues)
("Bridal Chorus" by
Wagner playing continues)
(footsteps padding)
(phone vibrating)
(dramatic music)
Mama told me, son
you best be ready
When you give
your heart away
Make sure that those
loving arms are steady
If you want that
girl to stay
Give her all your lovin'
Your kissin'
and your huggin'
All of your devotion too
When pushin'
comes to shovin'
It aint just turtle dovein'
So give her all
your lovin', babe
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Lovin', lovin', lovin'
Lovin' aint just
walking in the park
Dancin' after dark
Real slow
You can't hurry love
Son you better
listen to your Mama
There's one thing
that you ought to know
Mama said you better
Give her all your lovin'
Your kissin'
and your huggin'
All of your devotion too
When pushin'
comes to shovin'
It aint just turtle dovein'
So give her all
your lovin', babe
(upbeat music)
(upbeat music continues)
Give her all your lovin'
Your kissin'
and your huggin'
All of your devotion too
When pushin'
comes to shovin'
It aint just turtle dovein'
So give her all
your lovin', babe
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Lovin', lovin', lovin'
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
(upbeat music)
(eerie music)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)
(eerie music continues)