Time Freak (2018) Movie Script

1
[jaunty music playing]
I'm just not happy anymore.
There's gotta be
something I can say...
Stillman, I didn't
just think this up overnight.
I've been sick about it
for weeks.
Okay. At least
just let me say my piece.
Of course, yeah.
Well, what about...
I don't know what to say.
Well, you know
you can call me anytime,
but I'm gonna go.
Okay, let me say my piece.
Of course, yeah.
Well, what about the fact
that you are my favorite person?
My unpredictable
free-spirited best friend?
Yet we look at the world
so differently, like,
so differently,
it's fascinating.
And as unlikely as it is,
we are meant to be together.
And I know that is true because
I am more myself around you
than I ever was
before we knew each other.
And I know at some point,
you felt all that about me, too.
What about all that?
- I still think we should break up.
- Right.
Well, you know
you can call me anytime,
but I'm gonna go.
That was a bust.
Okay, think about it
for one second.
What is your heart telling you?
That we should break up.
Ignore your heart.
What is your head
telling you to do?
Break up.
Debbie, I will never
do better than you.
You'll never do better than me.
We will never do better
than each other.
Here you go.
What is it about me
specifically?
- You're a little rigid sometimes.
- Rigid?
Yes.
You wanna break up? Cool.
What was the stupidest thing I did
the entire time we were together?
- Please define neurotic.
- Put away your notebook.
You know what,
I'm breaking up with you.
I'm breaking up with you.
Did that work? Anything?
I should go.
We should break up.
I'm gonna go.
Break up.
We should break it off.
I should go.
- Go, go, go.
- All right!
I get it.
I'm gonna go.
But I'm not giving up.
[sighs]
What went wrong?
[loud banging]
Stillman!
I can hear you in there.
- Are you killing yourself?
- What? No.
Look, man, you were depressed
and heartbroken
and although I loved the automatic
4.0, that's no reason to...
- Can you shut up?
- There you are, man.
You're lucky I found you.
I was worried about you.
Found me? No, I called you.
Yeah, I was still
super freaked out.
Wow, you've been busy.
Ooh, drinks.
- Are you high?
- Right now? Sure.
Coincidentally, but you've been
gone for, like, a week.
I was worried often
during that time.
I've been working.
And I need your help.
Whoa, how do you play
this thing?
It's not a game.
This is my relationship
with Debbie.
Wow, that's actually
really cool.
But also super sad. Like
you're stalking your own life.
Yeah, I know,
it's a little pathetic,
but I have to
get everything laid out
if I'm ever
gonna find the answer.
Yeah, of course you do.
What's the question?
What went wrong?
Look, if you go back
to last year.
Go back. Use this.
Back to the beginning.
Day one.
So it has the sound wave
built in resonance.
They could theoretically
affect the structure
of an existing superstring,
which can... can we just think
of how freaking
mind-blowing that is?
And when do
the harmonics come in?
The harmonics are constant
but as they build exponentially,
the superstring
becomes relative.
- A-ha.
- Do you get it?
No, I don't think so.
That's it for today, class.
Amazing work, Stillman.
Really advanced stuff.
Nobody can hang with Stillman.
I mean, I'll help him out
sometimes when he gets stuck,
but for everybody else,
forget it.
- That never happens.
- It happens.
What are you doing here?
Don't you have Frisbee class?
Okay, well,
it's not a class, it's a team,
and I think you know that.
And also, we just had practice,
so now you and me
are gonna go to the whole
going away party thing
at the place with the chick.
Well, that's gonna be
really awkward.
Well, yeah, of course
it's gonna be awkward.
Your awkwardness is constant.
Her discomfort is relative, and
that is what we have to solve.
You like what I did there?
Last one.
I told you this
was gonna be weird.
It's clearly just for her friends.
Her really cool friends.
Friends and loyal customers
like us.
Look, here you go.
She's still working.
- Kiwi daiquiri. Appletini.
- IPA. Rum and coke.
Oh, shoot. [laughs] Okay.
- Wow, she is just the worst.
- I know.
Kind of adorable, though.
Who do you think that guy is?
Man, don't worry about
Selena Gomez over there.
Worry about
what you're gonna say.
This is your last chance
to say goodbye.
And hello, for that
matter.
- Wait, I got an idea.
- Yeah? What's up?
- Temporal consistency isn't just...
- Wait, wait, a nerd idea?
- Well, I gotta get it down.
- Dude, no.
Look, she is super-hot
and I'm kind of a dork, so...
- You're just used to it.
- Exactly!
So even if that
isn't her boyfriend,
what are we gonna
connect about?
- Tell her you're a math genius.
- I'm a physics genius.
And I don't know what
she's gonna think of that.
Well, you're gonna have to
actually talk to her to find out.
All right, I'll just be honest.
Honesty's cool, right?
Mm-hmm.
Diet Dr. Pepper?
No, I was just gonna ask,
today's your last day, right?
It sure is.
Well, we're really
gonna miss you.
I think you're the best
bartender in the whole city.
Oh, that's very sweet of you...
- Stillman.
- Stillman.
'Cause I actually think
I'm a terrible bartender
Oh, big-time.
I meant like as a person.
Oh. [laughs]
Uh, so where are you moving to?
Oh, I'm not moving.
I just got fired.
The owner's a friend, and she
did me a favor by hiring me
and she kind of really did me
a favor by firing me, too.
How?
Well, I'm a musician,
so, you know.
So you'll get
your demo together.
Do some gigs. Expand
your career possibilities.
Yeah, sure.
I mean, those are all great ideas,
but I don't really have a plan.
- For your career?
- For anything.
Now, sure, I'd love to be successful
but I'd love to do lots of stuff.
As much of stuff
as I can, forever.
That's kind of my only plan.
Plus, you can't really
control your career anyway.
Or really anything, anyway.
Don't you think?
Yeah.
You're a terrible liar.
You're challenging some really
deeply held personal beliefs.
[laughing]
I thought it would just be
simpler if I said "yeah."
So what about you?
- I'm a physics student.
- Really? That's cool.
I'm a student, too.
- Like, on and off.
- What are you studying?
Lots of things.
Just not in, like, the regimented
way that you're supposed to.
Like, last semester
I went to Hawaii.
- To study?
- To go to Hawaii.
So now the school isn't really sure
if they want to let me back in,
and I'm not really sure if I want
to let them let me, so there.
So there.
- But you like it?
- Yeah, I love it.
I'm in a kind of
accelerated program.
I come in,
I need to be ready to work.
I just love, like,
the proofs and the equations.
The whole riddle of it all.
I don't think I've ever loved
anything that much.
Well, have you
ever considered physics?
Not until now.
- Hello, darling.
- Hello, darling.
You're not allowed in my bar.
- Don't ignore us.
- I'm not ignoring you.
- Yes, you are.
- I'm not.
I'm just working.
Get back there.
- You're not allowed.
- Where'd your friend go?
I don't know.
So what happened?
It got weird.
Can we just get out of here?
Okay. Ready for takeoff.
- Yes!
- Evan, are you high?
- Hmm?
- Are you high?
What?
- Did you just get high in the bathroom?
- No.
Not in the bathroom.
Guess again, please.
[laughing]
You're too high to drive.
How do you know how high I am?
What is that?
It's math stuff.
Look at all this.
- It's amazing.
- I'm allergic to math.
There's Andy.
I'll get a ride with him.
Man, dude, no way.
I'm totally fine.
Besides, you can't ride
with the enemy.
Enemy? What, is that,
like, a Frisbee thing?
If you mean Ultimate Frisbee,
then yeah.
No, stop, I'm serious.
Dude, the guy is
smug and ungracious.
- Andy! Andy, are you going to Henley?
- [groans]
No, I'm going to teach
your mother organic chemistry.
- All right.
- It's not funny.
- Sorry, just joking around.
- Well, I'm coming with you.
- Traitor.
- Hey, you forgot your...
Ah!
- Stillman?
- Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, are you dead?
- Please don't be dead.
- Dead? Why are you saying dead?
No, I'm gonna get help.
I'll get help.
- [Debbie] Are you okay?
- I'm perfect.
But...
But I need to do something.
Before I forget.
For a second, I thought
you were grabbing at me.
It must be pretty important.
No, none of this other stuff is,
but I just figured something out.
You know, I don't know
what any of that stuff is,
but it looks pretty cool.
Really?
Yeah.
[Evan] You know, I still feel
I never got proper credit
for hitting you with my car.
Well, I think we see
that moment a bit differently.
Anyway, look.
I got smiley faces for all
my good memories, right?
The stuff I don't regret. I
made a kind of crude slideshow.
Help us stay organized.
Yeah, so crude.
[happy music playing]
See, we can be happy.
Look at that mane!
- Are you kidding?
- Evan, can you stay focused?
On what, man?
Other than sad,
what is this whole thing?
Well, this is what
we need to address.
Ah, red dots.
Now we're getting somewhere.
These are all my shitty moments
from last year.
Well, my year would probably
just be one solid red line.
This is why we broke up, Evan.
The computer can tell you
why you broke up?
- That's amazing.
- Look. Day 37.
Day 51 and 52.
Day 70. All this stuff I regret.
Interesting.
Really? Over Y? You think so?
Well, if you think it's gonna
prove the proof then go ahead.
- Are you making fun of me?
- I'm flirting with you, dummy.
- Your genius is hot.
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, what, you think this is irresistible?
- Ooh, talk physics to me.
Okay.
You're positively expanding
monomial.
Oh! Give me something else.
- I'm gonna lie tangent to your curves.
- Oh, I love it.
I love you.
Scoot.
What is this?
In case I forget the words.
- You're playing me a song.
- And I never play for anyone.
I know you don't.
You just... you trust me
with something, Stillman.
And it really means a lot,
so I kind of want
to trust you with something.
This was kind of inspired by us.
Take my hand
And walk along
As I share with you my song
My heart is full of doubt
And words will fail me
You were taller than a tree
But the bats will carry me
And I'll fall below Before
you could Come catch me
And I can see it
In your eyes
That the monkey's
Got the prize
And there is no way
To stop his howling
- Yay.
- Yay!
- Yeah. God, what a voice.
- Thank you.
What's it about?
I don't know.
You don't know?
Well, am I the dude
taller than a tree
or am I the howling monkey?
I never thought about it
like that.
I see.
- You're disappointed.
- No.
- Yes, you are.
- I'm not.
You're doing that thing where
you don't say what you feel.
Well, honestly,
I was kind of waiting
for the line that's like,
And I love you, too,
Stillman
Or, just like,
You're really cool
But I'm not ready yet
- You don't think I love you?
- I don't know.
I know I said it
then you ran off,
and then you came back
and sang a song about a monkey.
I love you.
But, you know,
I've said it to lots of guys
and I just... I kind of
wanted this to be different.
Sorry it upset you.
All right.
You know,
you're different from anyone
I've ever dated or really
anyone I've ever known.
You're brilliant
and you're driven
and I respect
your opinion a lot
That's why I was scared
to play this for you,
because I don't really treat
my work like you treat yours.
But then, you know, like,
I realized that
if you didn't like it,
you'd find a nice way to tell me
because in addition to being one
of the smartest people I know,
you're also one of the kindest.
Well, baby, then there is no
reason to be sorry, okay?
That was a great song.
- Do you want to play it again?
- Not really.
Okay, I don't blame you.
I love you.
I love you, too.
Oh, what a piece of shit.
Huh?
I regret seeing
this crapfest, too.
No, that's not why
that's up there.
All right, Farallon Five
is a masterpiece.
Right. I forgot.
Well, what'd you guys think?
It was good. Yeah. Yeah.
[all laughing]
- Stop it.
- I can't help it.
It was good.
- It's...
- Holy crap, that movie sucked!
Boring and confusing.
That's a neat trick.
That was
an intergalactic suckfest
with bad robot acting
and how about that blue...
what the blue...
with the blue face...
- Yeah, I don't know. I didn't get that.
- What?
Hey, why was that dude's
face blue, anyway?
- I mean, that...
- Whatever. All right, whatever.
Like, enough about
Farallon Five.
You keep laughing about it.
I bet you couldn't if I donkey
slapped you in the back of the head.
What?
That's disgusting.
I wasn't making a gay joke.
If that's what you're thinking.
I mean, a donkey slap
was for everyone.
How sweet.
I'm not even totally sure
what a donkey slap is.
Okay, so, yeah,
I mean, I think everyone
remembers Day 122.
Not your finest hour,
but you really think
- that had anything to do with...
- Maybe, maybe not.
It was kind of early on.
All right, maybe this is just
'cause I'm coming down a little,
but what's the point
of all this?
It could've been different.
It took you a week of sorting through
pictures to figure that out?
Let me rephrase.
It's gonna be different.
See, it started as a kind
of wrinkle in my theorem,
and that just kept expanding.
And Evan, nothing focuses
your mind like a broken heart.
[feedback]
Please don't tell me you think this
is what I think you think this is.
- It's a time machine.
- No.
No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
Stillman, okay, this breakup
is taking a very scary turn.
I'm fulfilling my best friend
duties and I'm stepping in.
Enough. Enough, man.
Time travel and Debbie?
You gotta stop.
Stop doing
crazy scientist things.
Okay, that for sure
does not do anything.
That keyboard
doesn't do anything.
- None of this stuff does anything!
- Evan...
Stillman, listen to me.
- You gotta move on.
- Evan!
- It's time to move on.
- She is the love of my life.
You understand?
I am never gonna find
anyone better than her.
She accepts
my haltingly analytical mind
whilst just encouraging me
to just roll with shit.
She is a kind, carefree spirit
with so much compassion and empathy, she
could love the stupidest of people.
I admire her so much.
She's great, I know.
And do you think I can just
move on from someone like that?
Well, I'm hoping...
um, yes?
No, no, not while I know
what I know.
Oh, good, what do you know?
I know that there is
an elastic temporal quality
to all preexisting phenomena.
Evan...
I can change what I did wrong.
I have created what
every broken heart wants.
A second chance.
[note reverberating]
I hope you're calling your
shrink on that thing.
No, this controls the machine.
My phone here
talks to my phone in the past.
- No, it doesn't.
- Look, I need help.
- Yes, yes.
- No, I need your help, Evan.
I need you to come back with me.
You want me to come...
- Yes.
- No!
- That's why I called you.
- No! I'm not going to...
Look, Evan, you've been here for every
single moment of this relationship,
and you usually give
pretty good advice.
Look, you don't even
believe this works.
- What's the danger?
- I believe it could give me a seizure.
And let me ask you,
have you tried talking to her?
Because that's what
most people do after a breakup.
You know, before hopping straight
to the whole time travel thing.
Yes, hundreds of times.
It doesn't work.
Evan, trust me,
this is the only way.
Please! Help me.
Okay.
- Yes.
- Where are we going in your time machine?
- No, come back.
- What are you doing?
Come here.
I don't like that.
[high-pitched whining]
Holy shit, that hurts!
- Oh.
- Oh, my God!
- Do this.
- Huh?
Do this.
Your consciousness was just
thrown into another icon state.
- It's gonna sting.
- Wait, you mean it worked?
Of course it worked.
Look where we are.
We're at Captain Frank's,
the day you hit me with the car.
Last year, day one.
So then, where's the me
from last year?
Am I gonna have
to fight him or something?
You are the you from last year.
I mean, look at your clothes
and your gut.
Your hair!
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah!
- Oh, my God!
- I know.
- You're not crazy.
- Yeah.
You invented
a motherhumping time machine.
Do you know what this means?
We can go anywhere. Do anything.
We could...
we could run with the Vikings.
We could go to wizard school.
No. What? No, we can't go back
to literary fiction.
Anyway, we're not here
to do anything.
We're here to get Debbie back,
all right?
And the moment I do,
this text will disappear...
...and I'll know her and I
stay together.
Seriously?
Yeah. Yeah, that's why
I asked you to come.
- You agreed.
- Yeah, that was before I knew it worked.
Look, all I'm saying is
on the scale of possibilities,
going back a year in time
to get your girlfriend back,
it's kind of low-fi.
- Not to me.
- Then what the hell am I doing here?
All right.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
That was crazy.
That she brought us fries
we didn't order?
No, just seeing her like that.
- Okay.
- These are cheese fries.
Frank's doesn't even make
cheese fries anymore.
This... Oh!
We really did
travel through time.
Cheese fry?
That really messed you up, huh?
The last time I saw her,
she was breaking up with me
over and over again.
And now here she is,
at the beginning,
before she knew me.
Before I screwed everything up.
All right, I can't look at you
like this anymore.
I'm in.
As long as you agree
that when we do succeed,
your best buddy Evan gets to take
the time machine for a little spin
to witness the birth
of the universe.
- I will not agree to that.
- I'll just go down on Marilyn Monroe.
No. And she's not
gonna have sex with you
- just because you have a time machine.
- She's not?
Okay, then how about I get to
fix my crap year a little?
- Well, what do you have in mind?
- Can I win my Ultimate Frisbee league?
Probably, but only if we get
Debbie back before your game.
All right, I'll take it.
So what are we doing?
What's the mission?
What's the mish?
There's no mish.
This is the starting point.
From here on out, we're
going forwards through time
creating a new universe
as we go.
Don't I have to hit you
with a car?
- You will.
- Not if I know I'm going to.
Okay, well, you might not,
but as soon as we zap out
of these bodies in 25 seconds,
they'll go on doing exactly
what we did before.
I'll go hit on her awkwardly.
Go out.
You hit me with the car.
She comes out to see me.
- I'll come up with a theorem.
- Awesome, let's set shit right.
- What are you doing?
- I gained, like, 30 pounds last year.
I don't need to go on
eating these after we leave.
Okay, last one.
- Oh!
- [groans]
- Ah!
- Ow, where are we?
Good luck.
All right,
I think we're all ready.
So what are we
watching here again, Stillman?
Right. Um...
So, this is considered by many
to be one of the greatest
sci-fi movies ever made.
Wait, dude, we haven't
even started the movie?
And I'm already this excited?
Wow, what a great way to spend the
next three and half hours, huh?
Anyway, this is, like,
my favorite movie ever.
Debbie has never seen it before, so I'm
excited to share it with you guys.
- Yeah! Let's see some aliens. Right?
- Yay.
Holy crap, that movie sucked!
- Yeah, I didn't get that.
- His face... what?
Hey, why was that dude's
face blue, anyway?
- I mean, I must've missed that.
- You know what, guys?
Like, rip into this movie
all you want.
It doesn't bother me
that you don't like it.
Because you are a humanoid who
likes movies that make no sense.
It made perfect sense, Carly,
but you clearly
don't understand it,
and that makes you sound like
a dumb-ass bitch.
Crap.
- Yeah, I didn't get that.
- His face... what?
Hey, why was that dude's
face blue, anyway?
- I mean, I must've missed that.
- You know what, guys?
Like, it's fine that
you hate this movie, all right?
That is fine!
- That's too loud.
- Way too loud.
- Yeah, I didn't get that.
- His face... what?
Hey, why was that dude's
face blue, anyway?
I mean, that made no sense.
[Carly] Yeah.
Hey, man, I can tell
this is upsetting you
and that's not what
any of us want.
- But I didn't say anything.
- We were just having a little fun.
No hard feelings, okay, stud?
- I didn't say anything!
- You didn't have to.
All right, I'm gonna go back.
We can watch it scene by scene.
I'm gonna explain
exactly why you guys...
- Oh, no. We got it.
- We got it.
His skin is blue because
in the Ceetu-5 galaxy,
they live in ultraviolet.
- Did you... did you not get that?
- I thought it was great.
- I thought it is...
- Oh, my God, no, this isn't working.
After the movie.
After the movie. After...
All right, look, go ahead,
poke fun at the movie.
I have my opinions.
I don't care what you think.
[voice cracking] It's not like
you're hurting my feelings.
- And... crap.
- Dude, this is the worst!
It's taking forever!
It's worse than the movie!
Wait, what are you
talking about?
Okay, I have an idea.
Do it like this.
- Yeah, I didn't get that.
- His face... what?
Hey, why was that dude's
face blue, anyway?
- I mean, I must've missed that.
- You know what, guys?
I apologize, and in fact,
pizza is on me tonight.
[doorbell ringing]
- Aw.
- Which is my little way of saying I'm sorry.
Apology accepted.
I am sorry that...
- Here we go.
- Thank you, sir.
You clearly
know nothing about movies.
And you clearly misunderstood
such a work of art.
So it's all on us?
You uncultured heathens.
[laughing]
- You saw the way she looked at me?
- I did. It was great.
And I'm so much better
at this game than I was.
I think that's how
she likes me best.
You know, like, confident.
Yeah, for sure.
What's up with the text?
It's still there.
I mean, it was the first stop.
What the hell are you wearing?
Rogaine.
I had this stuff all last year
and could never decide
if I needed it.
We both know how that turns out.
It stays on for, like,
half an hour.
- Well, we got two minutes.
- Two minutes till what?
Till we jump out.
We gotta keep moving forward.
Wait, what?
There's nothing left
to fix here.
My hair!
Relax, look, the cap
will stay on after we leave.
Man, that's not the only thing.
I bomb my huge test tomorrow.
So what, you're gonna do,
like, 90 seconds of homework?
- Dude, I cannot flunk out again.
- Then why are you playing video games?
That game was
a major distraction last year.
I had to get it out of the way.
Evan, if you want to graduate,
you have to try and change
your overall attitude.
Wait, that's good.
That's really good.
I should inspire the me
I'm inhabiting now
so when I zap out,
he'll be motivated, yeah?
- Exactly.
- And he won't remember
that I was in control
of this body?
I don't think so.
So, like, this Evan's
gonna look at all this reading
and decide skip it
and smoke a bowl.
Or go back to playing
"Call of Duty."
Or both.
I'm gonna write him a note.
How much time do we have left?
Thirty seconds.
- That's your note?
- I don't have time
to craft something more complex!
I'm gonna leave him a message.
Hey, man, so, this semester
don't be, like,
a piece of shit
who doesn't do anything.
- Maybe try...
- Why are you so mean?
You're right. Yeah, I'm sorry.
I love you
and you are a shooting star,
but you just dick around
too much.
Like a piece of shit sometimes.
And you eat way too much
and you're literally always high
and that's just not ideal for living
up to your awesome full potential.
How much time do we have?
[moaning]
Uh... Evan,
we'll take the stairs.
[sprays]
- Ow!
- Come on.
Evan's probably already up there
and I wanna dance!
Oh, I think it's
up another floor.
- What did the directions say?
- Oh, my phone died.
- I don't know.
- How do we know where we're going?
This is it. Top floor.
I feel it.
Hey, yo, oh!
No, it is not a party up here,
but look at the view!
Hey, you should get
Evan up here,
and we can have
our own little dance party.
- It's locked?
- Yeah.
Hey, wait.
What, you're not really scared,
are you?
No, no, maybe I have,
like, a fear of being confined.
Trapped is a better word.
Hold on.
Wait, what is happening here?
What can I say?
- I'm a nerd of many...
- [lock clicks]
...nerdly obsessions.
I can't believe
you just did that.
Do it again.
[sprays]
Ah. My foot. Again.
[sprays]
You don't need that...
okay, wait, nobody...
Damn it, my foot.
Do it again.
Do it again.
- Do it again.
- I'm just gonna take that from you.
Less is more. Please keep
your scarf to yourself.
Ah. Ah. Ah!
What is this song?
Damn it, my foot!
I'm losing my mind.
And I forgive you.
This is the worst song I've
ever heard in my entire life.
Okay, guys,
this is my corner back here.
Right? Private space.
First it's this
and then tomorrow
I don't know the alphabet
and the day after...
Everybody out of my way.
Out of my way.
I gotta go.
Nope. Hello?
[screaming]
[cell phone ringing]
[Evan screaming on phone]
- Dude?
- Hey, man.
I think I'm dead.
Either I'm dead or the time
machine's broken or both.
I don't know.
There's people looking at me.
It's Groundhog Day
over here, man.
- Something's up.
- Relax, all right? We're on the roof.
Dude, dude,
that was a nightmare.
That was the all-time
worst elevator ride to hell
over and over and over
and over and over.
- It's kind of my fault.
- Huh?
I kept redoing this perfect
moment with Debbie,
and whenever I redo something,
you gotta redo, too.
If it was perfect,
what are we fixing?
Nothing.
It was just really nice.
Nice? We don't have time
to let my hair stuff set in,
but you get to relive
the best of?
You gonna come dance with me?
You too, Evan.
What are you doing?
- I just... I wanna see that again.
- No, no, no, that's it.
- I'm taking over the mission.
- No.
- I'm taking over the mission.
- What? No. Stop.
I'm the mission commander now.
- It's not... it's not a mission.
- You're telling me!
Movie night,
your Houdini lockpick thing.
Man, if we're gonna make this work,
you're gonna need to get into some shit.
Some messy shit.
We need a time when you were full-on
with the stick up your butt.
Like, what about
the camping trip?
Day 276.
[loud dance music playing]
It's a party!
- Wasn't that a total disaster?
- Yes, that was and I'm aware
of all the times you're
describing and the camping trip.
I'm just working up
to the big stuff.
You're right.
We gotta get into some shit.
You just... you trusted me
with something, Stillman.
And it really means a lot,
so I kind of want
to trust you with something.
Do you know what
I love about this?
It means you love me
and I know it.
Well, I'm glad
you feel that way.
I'm just... I'm saying it's fine
that you don't necessarily
say it right away.
No, no, I want to say it.
I just wanted to play
something for you first.
I'm sorry, I'm just...
what I'm trying to say is
I'm fine with you doing this
in whatever order you want.
- Okay, then why are you bringing it up?
- I'm not.
I'm not... I'm not gonna screw
this up by second-guessing it.
You know what, I've already...
I've already blown it,
so I'm just gonna
do it all again.
- Do what again?
- This whole thing.
Okay, you're gonna love it.
I'm gonna do it
with a bunch of confidence.
- It's gonna be great.
- What are you talking about?
[doorbell ringing]
- Hello?
- Hey, hi, Deb.
Sorry, it's Evan.
- I'm looking for Stillman.
- Oh, hey, Evan.
Yeah, I'll buzz you in.
[buzzing]
Hey, Still...
Dude, what are you doing here?
Dude, I lost my keys.
- How do you lose your keys?
- The Evan I zapped into is really high.
Also, he doesn't have his keys.
Okay, look, I don't
have time for this.
I'm in the middle
of screwing something up.
- You gotta go.
- What do you mean?
- Oh, hey, Evan.
- Hey.
Wanna come in?
No, thanks, Deb.
I'm really stoned, so I don't wanna
ramble on and ruin your night.
Ooh, yeah.
You got any left?
Uh, good question.
[groans]
Your children
are gonna be so beautiful.
Oh, man, that was out loud.
It doesn't matter. We're doing
this all again, anyway.
I don't want kids
until I've done it all.
What is "it all"?
All the adventures. All the mistakes.
All the cookies.
[phone chimes]
- Yes, finally!
- Hey, what you doing up there? Hmm?
Well, I just fixed the app
that controls my time machine.
Oh, a time machine. I want one.
And where are we going?
You're not going anywhere.
Now that it's working,
Evan and I are gonna go back
and redo this whole
bizarre situation.
No! Why?
Because I love you,
and I screwed it all up
by second or third-guessing it
and that led into a fight.
- And...
- An "I love you" fight.
That's not a real fight.
We love each other, Evan.
I know.
You know?
How long have you known?
Um...
Impossible for me to tell.
A long time.
Yeah, me, too.
Hey, don't time travel away.
Hmm?
Stay with me here in this
perfectly imperfect moment.
Okay.
- Yo, what the hell was that?
- I have no idea.
I was sure we were toast
when the machine froze up,
and it just...
it all came out beautiful.
- What about the text?
- Oh, it's still there,
- but we gotta be making progress, right?
- Yeah.
I mean, what we did was so
much better than the original.
- Oh, a hundred percent. It had to be.
- I feel like I could've said
almost anything to her, and she
would've been cool with it.
Good weed.
I'm glad you were there,
by the way.
- Yeah, you were awesome.
- Thanks, man.
I'm pretty good at, like, reading vibes
and helping people out, you know?
- I think that may be my thing.
- Yeah?
Yeah! I mean, dude,
music theory sucks!
Talk about a stupid major.
I should be helping people out,
like last night.
Oh, and, hey,
you know what else?
I'm gonna make sure there is smoke
at each location from here on out.
- That won't be necessary.
- I'll do it anyway.
[guitar strumming]
I'm hoping that you'll come
To your senses
And make me yours
Sooner over later because
This one-way fixation
Ain't fun anymore
No, no
Maybe being in control
Of their distraction
Blow your mind away
I'm loving you
I'm crazy to be
Your only choice
And you'd have to stay
- I know her.
- She's good.
- I love your ribbons.
- Thanks.
Hey, do you want to go someplace
quiet where we can talk?
No, thanks.
Hey, so how'd you take
this moment originally?
- You'll see.
- Maybe when you're mine
I'll be your favorite
Disruption
Yeah, no
And I wouldn't mind
That it's taking you so long
To let me in
[woman] All right, yeah!
- Whoo!
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- Oh, my God.
- Thank you.
- Oh!
- Whoa.
- That was amazing, Debbie.
- Oh, thank you.
- So awesome, Debbie.
- Thanks, guys.
I know it felt really great,
but I just,
like, I can't believe that
I actually did it.
I can't believe we've been hiding
you behind the bar this whole time.
- What, did you like it?
- Yeah. Come back Thursday.
Let's put you in the weekly show, and
I'll give you a cut from the door.
Oh, wow.
Um, but I think... I think
I'm gonna have to pass on that.
I mean, I'm just not ready,
but thank you.
Okay, suit yourself.
I mean, right? I'm just not feeling,
like, a weekly commitment like this.
You know what?
Maybe I'm making a mistake.
I mean, it felt so good
to get up there,
but I feel like I need
to take a step... a step back.
But maybe that's the universe
telling me not to wait
and to just take a leap.
I should just
trust my gut, right?
That's it. That's it, Debbie,
just trust your gut.
Oh, thank you for the advice.
I love you.
Okay, I'm gonna get us
some drinks.
That was easy.
- Not the first time.
- And?
Um...
It's still there.
Gotta keep moving.
- [groans]
- What?
Dude, my Ultimate championship
is tomorrow.
You said I could win
once you get...
- I'm sorry.
- That D-bag Andy's here talking shit.
No, what'd he say?
- Hey, fellas.
- He's so superior.
- Good luck tomorrow, Evan.
- Now he's mocking me.
- That's nice.
- That's not really mocking.
Look, you must be close
to getting Debbie back,
and I know we can't risk it
with the dumb Frisbee game,
yada yada yada, but I want this.
I know it's your mission
and your broken heart.
I totally get it,
but I just want it.
All right, screw it.
- Screw it?
- Yeah.
- You deserve it.
- Really?
- Yeah, let's do it.
- What about her?
- Any chance that...
- Don't push it.
All right,
let's play some Ultimate.
- [boy] D up!
- [sighs]
Dude, why did you stop?
- I'm just trying to get open.
- No, you got to keep streaking that way.
- It goes long.
- All right.
Who are you?
[cheering]
Yes! Oh, oh, my God. Whoo!
Suck it, Andy!
Oh, suck it! I win.
You lose. In your face.
Suck it.
Can I?
[cheering]
Oh!
You played your heart out.
- Thanks, man.
- Ready to go?
Dude, it's Blue Ribbons girl.
Oh, she's here.
We're here.
- Hurry up.
- You're the best.
Hi.
Hi.
That was an amazing game.
I won it for you.
Really?
No, not really.
That was a dumb thing to say.
- What does that mean?
- Oh, nothing.
God, I cannot wait
to see you naked.
- You're disgusting.
- No, I know.
But you won't always think so.
Hey, man, let's go.
Start it up, yeah?
- It's getting really weird over here.
- I can't.
Will you excuse me for a sec?
- What do you mean you can't?
- It's frozen.
Are you kidding? 'Cause I just said
some very crude things to her.
- Why?
- 'Cause I thought
- I could get away with it, that's why.
- Well, I don't know.
It's locked me out.
The same thing happened
when I kept redoing the rooftop.
- You broke our time machine?
- No, I haven't broken it, Evan.
It's just not responding.
- Probably because of this Frisbee game.
- So we just have to leave
- that conversation the way it is?
- Well, who cares about her?
No offense.
Evan, look, if I don't get this
working, I'm gonna lose Debbie.
[cell phone ringing]
It's Ryan.
I'll call him back later.
You don't like him, do you?
- I didn't say anything.
- You didn't have to.
I like Ryan, all right?
Of course I like him.
Come on!
Will you put your stupid
phone down for one second?
I'm sorry.
Come on, share.
Look, he just... he seems like
he wants to hook up with you.
- He's gay.
- I know.
That's how he gets in so close.
Well, I'm glad you told me
how you feel.
Now it's out there.
Yeah.
Okay, Ryan has
been there for me
through what were easily
the worst times of my life.
So he and I share a bond
that goes far deeper
than anything sexual.
Oh, great.
Listen to me, babe.
You have to have
some faith in me.
Okay?
Hey, and remember he invited us
to that summer camp
that someone's dad owns
or something?
Anyway, we're gonna have
the whole place to ourselves
and it's gonna be
an awesome blowout
and I want us to just have fun!
Yeah? And I don't want it
to be weird.
It won't.
Don't worry.
Okay.
[phone chimes]
[cell phone ringing]
- What's up, man?
- Hey, dude, where are you?
[whispering] In the library
with my new study group.
Since when do you have
a study group?
Since I changed my major
to psych.
Hey, when you're done, do you
think I can go talk to Freud?
I need some answers
I'm not getting from the text.
Yeah, I can do it.
You don't know.
Evan, I need to talk to you.
Can you meet me
in front of the library
- in, like, five minutes?
- That's fine.
I'm pretty sure they're gonna
ask me to leave anyway.
Yep, I'll be right there.
Oh, I'm screwed.
- Why? You said you fixed the program.
- Sort of.
I can get it to move forward
and that's it.
Well, okay, so then
let's just get out of here
before we're stuck
in this ancient civilization.
Dude, you have made
so much progress.
You'll probably get back
together once we're home.
Not while this
is still an issue.
I gotta face this weekend
head-on.
The weekend where she got down and
dirty at the sexy gay firepit rave?
Exactly. Technically,
that's not what happened.
It's kind of how it felt,
though.
And this is all because she called you out
on being jealous of her gay best friend?
- Bi best friend.
- I thought he slept with dudes?
Look, you're missing the point.
None of these dudes
care about gay or bi.
They're just a bunch of gorgeous
freethinking human beings
with a ton of glow paint,
no clothes, less boundaries,
and I gotta spend the weekend with
their leader, armed with nothing
but a time machine
that only moves forward.
So I gotta get everything right
the first time around.
- Second time around.
- Whatever.
Okay, so what do you have
to change about all of it?
I gotta be cool with it.
Yeah, you may be screwed.
[cheering]
[loud dance music playing]
Hey, guys! There you are.
You made it, my favorite couple!
You're the sweetest.
I'm so glad you guys made it.
- And it's so great you guys made it work.
- Yeah?
- You know? You know?
- Stop it now.
Because this one can't be
with just anyone, you know?
- Seriously.
- All right, stop, Ryan.
No, I mean, seriously. You have
to be the right kind of man...
or person, I should say...
to give her what she needs.
- Aw.
- Right? Right?
- Oh!
- You know?
- Yeah.
- You know?
Come on, man.
I'm just having some fun.
Yeah. No, so am I.
Let's have fun.
Excuse me.
- I should...
- Oh, would you?
- Of course.
- Great.
- Well?
- Shall we party?
Ah! [groans]
That never sucks less.
[cell phone ringing]
- What's up, man?
- Yo, I have no idea where I am right now.
I'm in a completely empty apartment
that I've never seen before.
You're probably in a new event.
Something we didn't do last time.
Something that's happening
because of the changes we made?
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Wait,
does nothing look familiar?
Uh-uh.
There's just a lone box on
the floor in front of me.
Well, what's in it?
I'm kind of scared to open it.
- Oh, what's in the box?
- What's in the box?
- What's in the box?
- You know what? Relax.
- It'll all come to you in a second.
- How's it going over there?
Fabulously.
You wanna come back me up?
Man, if I'm serious
about Evan improvement,
I gotta be more selective
about how I spend my time.
It's fine. I've come too far.
Hi.
Holy crap, dude.
It's Blue Ribbons girl.
I wonder if we're dating.
What do you think her real name is?
I gotta go.
- So, you just let them touch you all over?
- Well, we're dancing.
- Yeah, we were dancing.
- That's not dancing.
- I was just having fun. It's a party!
- They were...
So what,
you want to go home?
Come on, man. Too close.
Rebecca had to take off
'cause of the rain.
Do you think you can handle
the couch by yourself?
Of course.
Thank you so much.
You're moving! I'm helping.
- You sure are.
- Totally. One couch coming up.
Hey, where'd
Stillman run off to?
[Stillman howling]
[vocalizing]
Hey!
What's he doing?
- His thing.
- Debbie, Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.
Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.
Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.
Debbie, Deb, Debbie,
Debbie, Debbie.
Oh, Debbie, Debbie,
Debbie, Debbie, Debbie.
Come on, come on, come on.
Where's the music?
Fire. Fire. Yeah!
[dance music starts]
[Stillman] Honestly,
I feel like I belong here
and that's all Debbie.
I used to hate parties.
I didn't know where to stand
or who to talk to.
Totally.
But she showed me
it doesn't matter.
Especially with you guys.
Like, it's just cool
to hang out anywhere
and be with anyone.
I am so glad you feel that way.
Now, would you mind leaving
so we could, you know, hook up?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, totally.
Totally.
My mistake. Have fun.
[yawning]
There you are.
- You ready for bed?
- No.
I don't want this party to end.
You wanna go for a swim?
There's, like, No Swimming signs
all over the place.
Yeah, no, I saw those.
Maybe we shouldn't.
- I'm sure it will be fine.
- It looks cold.
Yeah, well, they say
it's basically melted snow
coming down off the mountain,
so I'm sure it's gonna be,
like, a little...
[screams]
- No, I'm good.
- Oh.
[yelling]
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, I'm gonna do it!
- It's so cold!
- I'm gonna jump in!
- I'm gonna do it!
- It's so cold!
- I'm gonna do it!
- No, don't do it!
No, no, no, don't,
don't come in.
Oh, my God!
- That was insane!
- I'm so cold!
Ah, it's so much colder
than it looks!
I can't believe
you just did that.
- I'm just having fun.
- [laughing]
Well, your lips are blue,
but are you having fun?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- This is the best party ever.
- Oh, good, I was worried.
It's kind of crazy.
You know my saying. You gotta...
you gotta go with the flow.
Do you say that?
- Oh.
- I'm trying it out.
Well, I like it.
Oh, my God, they're actually, like, frozen.
We have to get you inside.
- Okay.
- Okay, come on.
Yes!
[screaming]
Whoo! Yeah!
Ah! [gasps]
You are so sweet to do this.
- Yeah!
- Sorry it went so late.
You know, I didn't like you
when we first met.
Yeah, I know.
And I realize I have done a whole
lot to try to win you over.
Maybe.
Maybe?
[exhales]
You should get that
wheezing looked at
[cell phone ringing]
What?
- What's up?
- Dude, we did it.
- The text is gone.
- We did it?
That's fantastic, man!
All right!
All right,
I'm getting us out of here.
Great work.
So I was gonna check out
my new shower.
- Okay.
- Wanna join me?
No. No, no, no, no, no,
wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, Stillman.
- That's it?
- Oh, man!
- This is it.
- You gotta send me back.
- We did it.
- Stillman, you gotta send me back
- to Blue Ribbons right now.
- What are you talking about?
We did it.
- We did it.
- Okay, we did it.
- We totally did it.
- Yeah!
You did it. I did it.
I did some major Evan redesign,
right?
Oh, let me see.
No. No!
No, are you kidding?
I'm sorry, man.
That's it, I'm taking the time
machine back to the shower.
- Time...
- It's gone.
It's all gone.
Wait, why?
Because we never break up.
We don't break up,
I don't build it.
All the changes we've made
caught up to us
when we jumped forward.
This trip was a massive rip!
No! What? We got her back, man.
And I could not have done this
without you.
I hope that counts
for something.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Call her.
Yeah.
It's ringing.
- [Debbie] Hey.
- Hey.
What's up?
Nothing,
I'm just calling to say hi.
Hi.
Was that it or did you have
something else?
It's just... it's just good
to hear your voice.
Nice.
You wanna come over
and hang out?
Yes, yes, yes,
I'll be over very soon.
Okay, bye-bye.
Okay. I was nervous.
No more redos.
Okay.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Debbie.
Hey.
Oh. I love you so much.
I love you, too.
Hey, what's wrong?
Nothing. Oh!
Everything's perfect.
Yeah?
- I wanna make love to you.
- Oh, okay.
- You wanna order?
- Mmm.
That would be amazing.
Yeah? Okay.
You know, I could lay here
with you forever.
Order extra then.
Hey, are we still gonna see that
samurai movie for your birthday?
You know, I was thinking we could
do something a bit more special.
Maybe dinner
at the Maddox House.
Ooh, fancy.
- Just us or with other people?
- Just us.
Okay.
I wanna spend my birthday
with my favorite person.
That would be perfect.
- There you are.
- Sorry I'm late.
They gave our table away.
What, after five minutes?
After an hour and five minutes.
Reservation was at 8:00.
- Oh, God, so sorry.
- Yeah, I texted you.
- You know, eight o'clock.
- Oh, my phone died.
Why wasn't it charged?
Forgot. You know,
I figured it didn't matter
because my only responsibility
was to meet you here at 9:00.
- 8:00.
- Oh, I know. I'm sorry. I know.
You wanna go sit at the bar?
There isn't a bar.
And I am super hungry.
Like same hunger level
as Marvin?
Starvin'?
No?
So hangry hungry?
Please say what you're feeling.
Well, okay, I feel like you
should've been on time for dinner.
Yes, I get that,
and I apologize...
I feel it's super simple
to keep your phone charged
so then you can be on time for
special events like birthdays
and then I'm not
the only one working on...
What, this relationship?
- Is that what you think?
- No. No.
- It's...
- Listen, I'm not sure
what you meant by that,
but it kind of sounds like
you're tapping into something
that is no longer about dinner.
I'm sorry. Okay, I'm tired.
I just... I just wanted this
to be a perfect evening.
It still can be.
Come on, why don't
we just go for a wander
and see if we can find
a cool, little spot, hmm?
Oh, here it is.
Hey, we should...
should we sing?
We should sing for him, right?
No?
Make a wish.
You didn't close your eyes.
You have to close your eyes.
Otherwise the wish
doesn't come true, you know?
You wanna do it again?
Dude, that sounds like
the worst birthday
since the year my mom
hooked up with that clown.
I just wish I didn't get so mad.
Well, why not?
I mean, she messed up.
- Didn't she?
- Yeah.
Yeah, but it was
our first big night together
since we got back,
and I just feel crappy.
Hey, you're together,
aren't you?
At least you made
this year better.
Oh, well, you graduated,
didn't you?
I still work at a freaking
Price-N-Nice!
I gotta be careful
how loudly I scream that.
Dude, you did a few sit-ups,
and you changed your major.
- What did you expect?
- Something cooler
to come from
traveling through time.
Cooler than winning
your Ultimate Frisbee league?
Yes!
- I told you going into this that...
- I know.
I know, but I was thinking that
maybe another time adventure.
- This one a little more Evan-centric...
- No, there is no...
The machine is gone.
The machine is gone.
- What does that even mean? Draw it up.
- Do you understand? I can't.
- We hop back. We hop back out.
- It is gone!
The machine is not there
forever.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't you go obsessing
about it either then, all right?
Fights happen all the time.
[man] Evan?
Not again.
All right, now,
what do I always say?
Price-N-Nice is not
just a job, it's a...
Burden.
- Family. I say family.
- Family.
[Evan]
Yeah, dude, that's what I said.
Okay.
[laughter]
[glass clinking]
I would like to make
a toast to great friends.
- Thank you for coming.
- Whoo!
Debbie and I are lucky
to have you.
Oh, hey, get ready 'cause literally
every meal Debbie makes is perfect.
Well, whatever we're having
smells amazing.
Oh, crap! Crap!
- Excuse me.
- Crap.
- Oh, no!
- It was only supposed to be in 15 minutes.
How long has it been in there?
An hour,
give or take 15 minutes.
What happened?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I guess I must've just
spaced out.
So much for the perfect meal.
God, I'm so stupid.
How can I help? Debbie knows
I'm no slouch in the kitchen.
Shut up, Ryan.
Stillman!
- The salmon go in?
- Hmm? Oh, yeah, just now.
- Great.
- [ticking]
- That was amazing.
- Such a perfect night, man.
Thanks.
- Allison's great.
- I know!
- Right?
- I'm happy for you.
You look tired, my friend.
Get some rest.
Yeah, well,
we got a big day Monday.
Debbie's recording
her first album.
What? Debbie, that rocks.
When did this happen?
Yeah, sorry,
it all happened so fast.
I completely forgot
to mention it.
Yesterday, I got the most
random series of phone calls.
No, but it was your talent
that made it happen.
Remember that.
- Yeah.
- "Every day just feels the same.
And my heart has gotten
in the way.
Every day just feels the same.
And I'm sorry that we came.
Every day just feels the same.
And I cannot place the blame."
- What do you think?
- Yes, it's good.
I'm not sure about this,
Stillman.
You're not sure about what?
You know, my music.
Recording. The whole thing.
Are you nervous?
If you're nervous, I'm certain I can
get you some more time to prepare.
You could? How?
I don't...
I mean, I don't know for sure.
No, I'm not nervous.
It's just, like...
I don't care, honestly.
- About recording?
- About any of it.
You know, music was such
a big part of my life
and even though I was shy,
I still wanted to do it
to see how good I could be.
And now?
Stillman, do you think it's
strange that we never fight?
- What?
- Me and you, we never fight.
- Do I think that's strange?
- Mmm.
No. No, I think it's awesome,
you know,
we get along so well.
No, I'm not talking about
getting along.
I mean, we've never even... we
never even disagree on anything.
Is this serious? Or is there
something else bothering you?
No, this is serious.
You know, I honestly think
we'd be better off if we fought.
I don't know.
Maybe there's just
something wrong with me.
Always returning to the breath
with compassion for ourselves.
[door opening]
If you find yourself
distracted by the outside world
simply return to the breath.
And if a thought
seems particularly important
just let it go.
Knowing that
it can probably wait till later.
So why don't we try to
maintain this space
for the next five...
next 15 minutes?
What's wrong with you?
- I need help.
- Tell me.
Something is wrong with Debbie.
She's changed.
Okay, it is perfectly normal
for things
to slow down in the bedroom
after marriage.
- You can't take it personally.
- No, that's not why I'm here.
She's not who she used to be.
How so?
Well, you remember
the time machine I invented?
No!
- I thought that was gone.
- Well, I built another one.
How'd you do that?
- Well, I still know the theorem.
- And you're using it?
All the time.
Like, all the time.
Last night I went back in time
to make the bed.
- That's not good.
- She wasn't even home yet.
I could've gone upstairs
to make the bed,
- but I used the time machine.
- So cut yourself off.
I would, but I'm telling you
Debbie's not even Debbie anymore.
She doesn't even
care about music.
She never plays.
She hardly even laughs.
I've been redoing everything
so many times,
I swear it's starting
to have an effect on her.
- Well, people change, Stillman.
- That's your advice?
- Well, what did you expect?
- I don't know.
- I gotta destroy the machine or else...
- Whoa, slow down a second.
You're getting hysterical. Look,
no relationships are perfect.
They all require work.
- Metaphysical work?
- No, my point is
you should try to appreciate
what you do have,
what the both of you have.
It's probably way better
than you realize.
I don't know, man.
I'm not even sure
what we have anymore.
I wish I knew
how to make you happy.
Maybe we should have a baby.
What?
But we have a plan.
This is your plan.
We focus on your music
and then we travel, then kids.
So let's do it out of order.
You know, maybe that's why
I've been feeling so lost.
We need something to give us purpose
and music clearly isn't it,
and instead of moving on
to some new thing,
maybe if we, you know,
grew our family,
we'd have that energy, the
motion that we've been lacking.
I guess we could consider it.
I really think it could work.
Let's talk about it tomorrow.
You deserve
so much better than this.
[loud knocking]
Hey. Hi.
Hey, bud, you wanna go
for a run or something?
You know,
I'm super busy this morning.
- Okay.
- I'll call you later.
Yeah, listen, I've been thinking about
your situation if you wanna talk it over.
No, I gotta...
I got a lot of things going on.
- I gotta go.
- You gotta do what?
I gotta... I gotta go, Evan.
Please don't destroy it!
What do you care?
I just don't think
you should do anything drastic.
Look, this isn't just about you,
all right?
How long?
Since we got back.
I knew you wouldn't
be able to live without it,
so I just, like,
I kept an eye on you.
- How did you even get in?
- That sliding glass door thing's
- usually open.
- And I never catch you?
- You catch me all the time.
- Right, yeah, of course.
- We're both hooked.
- I'm not hooked, all right?
I just happen to find it
very useful.
Look, I give a lot of people
advice, man.
And frankly,
I'm not very good at it yet.
So the time machine helps.
Like, a lot.
- I'm sorry, Evan.
- No, Stillman! Stillman!
I gotta end it.
[banging]
Okay.
- Who's at the door?
- No, ignore it.
It's just Evan.
What is going on?
Stillman, no. No, wait.
[both groan]
- Ow! What are you doing?
- Stopping you!
From what?
Oh, I thought you were
gonna, like,
go back in time
and uninvent the time machine.
- No.
- Oh.
Wait, that is
what you're gonna do.
Stillman! Listen. Okay, listen.
We both got
what we wanted, right?
So let's destroy this machine
and move on with our lives
as they are right now.
I still know the theorem.
If I destroy this machine,
I'll make another one.
I have to quit, cold turkey.
I have to let her go,
and the only way to do that
is to go back to the beginning.
Of time?
The day you hit me.
If I don't get hit,
there's no theorem.
There's no theorem,
there's no machine.
- None of this.
- And that will be it?
For me and Allison
and my students?
My days with Lord Buddha?
- Lord Buddha?
- I think it was him.
It could've just been, like,
a super nice Indian dude.
Well, that's amazing, Evan.
I have a ton of questions
about that, but... no.
No, anything we got
from the machine would be gone.
I'm sorry.
- I'm not going back.
- You're not?
What, you're gonna fight me?
I thought you were enlightened.
- I'm not that fucking enlightened.
- What is going on?
What is that?
Evan?
It's a time machine, Debbie.
I'm gonna destroy it, and that
will keep you guys together.
A time machine?
I made it for you.
So that night that we hung out
and you talked about
traveling in time.
That was true.
From then till now?
A lot of work getting it right.
- This explains so much.
- I know.
I thought there was
something wrong with me.
This is why we don't fight!
This is why I don't
care about anything!
I wasn't me and you weren't you and
this has all just been bullshit!
Technically, I'm not sure
how you noticed anything.
- And that made it okay?
- It was a simple enough theory!
Eliminate all the times you were
unhappy and then you would be happy.
Super scientific.
How long?
In total years, not that long.
60, 70 years.
Give or take a decade.
What a horrific invention.
I know.
That's why I have to go back
and make sure
none of this ever happens.
And you'll be free.
Get your head out of there, bud.
- [note resonating]
- Ah!
This is who you really are, man.
Your life's gonna turn out just
fine without a time machine.
I promise.
I'm so sorry.
I love you.
I can't believe
you're gonna do this to me!
Stillman, you're gonna
leave me here...
[both groan]
Oh!
Wait, hey.
Wait, where are you going?
I wish I had believed you.
Sorry.
- What are you doing?
- I gotta hit you with the car
so you'll come up with
the thing.
- That's ridiculous.
- You know what's ridiculous?
Wearing a uniform to work.
- Are you kidding me?
- I'm not kidding.
I felt like an idiot
in that thing.
This would be a lot safer
if you just stand still.
No!
- Stillman.
- Look, this isn't even gonna work.
You don't know that. It's gonna
work out great for everyone.
Ah.
- Evan...
- Would you just...
Could you just wait
there for a sec?
- No, this isn't...
- Just wait there
- for a minute, all right?
- This is embarrassing, man.
All right, come on.
[students scream]
[Evan]
Oh, Jesus. Oh.
If you just hold still
for two seconds,
I'll give you a little love
nudge, and it's all over.
You're making this way harder
than it needs to be, Stillman.
Stillman.
No, Evan.
Evan, Evan, you know what?
- Yeah, do it.
- I'm gonna do it.
- Do it.
- I'm gonna do it.
- Yeah, I'm telling you to do it.
- I'm gonna do it.
Come on.
What is that, Evan?
- I'm trying to get you.
- Come on, hit me, man!
- You want this time machine.
- Will you shut up?
- I'm trying to concentrate on hitting you...
- Right now, Evan!
- Go and hit me!
- [both yelling]
You gotta...
God, dude. Dude, dude, dude.
So I'm sorry I almost
killed you back there, man.
Don't sweat it.
I know what it's like
to go crazy like that.
At least it's over.
So it's gone?
There's no memory of it.
You can still get us back through
the phone, though, right?
Like you did before?
I mean if I...
if I'd hooked it up.
- Wait, you didn't hook up the phone?
- I didn't think you were coming.
So we're stuck here?
No, I mean,
we're going back eventually.
Just at the regular rate.
Exactly.
I think this time around...
I'm gonna grow my own pot.
I wasted so much money
on that last year.
It's time to say goodbye.
Good luck.
Thanks, man.
Your notebook.
Goodbye.
What?
Oh!
Oh, my God!
Are you kidding me?
Get back here!
Debbie?
- Is that...
- Your wife?
Yeah, it's me, and we're
gonna have this fight.
- But how did you get...
- No, shut up!
You don't get to control
my life for that long
and then go back in time
to control it again
just 'cause you feel like
being, what, heroic?
I didn't know what to do.
- Well, stop making my decisions for me.
- Okay. I won't anymore.
- Anymore? Oh, my God!
- Well, I didn't get hit,
so there is no machine.
- And technically, that's a decision...
- Oh, my God, stop.
I don't even know
what you're talking about,
but the sound of it
pisses me off.
I'm sorry.
For a brilliant man,
you can be such an idiot.
- Yeah.
- All right, my life is mine.
- It doesn't belong to you.
- I know.
- And I can mess it up however I want.
- Okay.
You're terrible at fighting.
Well, what do you
want me to say?
I screwed up, all right?
Cosmically.
And now I'm trying to fix it
by intentionally destroying
the most powerful invention
ever created, by the way.
You don't get points for that.
Oh, my God, this hurts so bad!
- How do you keep doing this?
- 'Cause I wanted to make you happy!
And I never made it stick!
And now I'm realizing
that, scientifically speaking,
that whole fixing past
mistakes thing really sucks!
And all my ideas and theories
are bullshit.
Because the only constant in the universe
is that we have no control over anything.
So from the bottom
of my heart...
I am sorry.
You trapped me.
I know.
Do you know how bad that is?
That's why I have to do this.
Yeah, maybe that's best.
I'm confused.
- Are we together or...
- Right now...
we're together.
Now, that was a fight.
You wanna do it again?