Tiny Furniture (2010) Movie Script

Honey, I'm home.
Family?
We're downstairs.
Can you move your right toe,
like, slightly towards me?
- Just a little bit more.
- It hurts.
- Perfect.
- Hi.
- Hey, sweetie.
- Hey.
Look, my feet really, really hurt.
You know I'm not good on high heels.
We'll be done
in one minute. Just one more roll.
How come you never use me
in any pictures?
- You're never here.
- Plus, my legs are longer and more supple.
Come say hi, sweetie.
Come give me a kiss.
- Hi.
- We'll be done really soon.
How about if we order dinner,
and I let you choose what you want?
How long are you gonna be
staying in our house?
Last I checked, it's my house too.
I have a whole bedroom.
You used to have a whole bedroom.
It's my special space now.
Candice, can you...
come and move
the couch on the left...
like, oh, one inch
towards the window?
- Hey, Candice.
- Hey, Aura.
Some boxes came for you,
so I put them in your bedroom.
- Not your bedroom.
- Thank you. I think you're being mean.
I think you're being oversensitive.
I just got off a plane from Ohio.
I'm in a postgraduate delirium.
I think you sound like you're
in the epilogue to Felicity.
The guy I thought I was gonna marry
just moved to Colorado.
- Cut me some slack.
- You were not gonna marry him.
He's like a little speck of granola
on a bowl of homemade yogurt.
You know, I always said
he was really a sweet guy...
and like, the perfect
first boyfriend, like...
the way a college boyfriend should be.
So basically you're saying I wasted
two years of my life on a speck of granola?
No. Regret is a complete
waste of time.
I never think about my 20s,
and I absolutely don't look back.
Could you turn on your lamp?
I don't like overhead light.
The bulb is blown.
Replace it.
I don't know where they are.
Lazy.
You're gonna call me lazy?
You're the one who does everything
with, like, Gumby arms.
What are you talking about?
Maybe the fact that every time
I ask you to help me with anything...
you do it with, like,
limp, rubbery arms...
that make me wish
I had just handled it myself.
Do you really want to start this right now?
Do you want to start this?
Start what?
I have, like, a million things
I could say right now.
- Like what?
- Like, "Get a fucking lightbulb. "
- Oh, it's ridiculous. It's a museum.
- Mom?
It's all forms and registrars.
I need to figure out how to be a diva.
- Siri?
- Hold on a second.
- What? I'm on the phone.
- I need a lightbulb.
In the white cabinet.
All right. Sorry.
What's a harridan, anyway?
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, that's what
I have to learn to be.
Yeah, he tries to take out
three-quarters of my work...
48 hours before the show opens.
Yeah. You're gonna help me
figure this out. Exactly.
"June 28, 1974.
Enough bullshit about chronology.
It doesn't really matter lately
what I do and who calls me when.
It matters more what I'm thinking,
which is that I haven't been making art...
yet I have a fierce desire
to be an artist.
Having a body of my own work seems
more like security to me than anything.
Setting up a studio,
having shows, seems like...
one of the few worthwhile things
there is for me to do.
Today I ate zucchini bread,
cheese crackers, wine. "
Mornin'.
- It's wakey-uppy time.
- Mom, why?
Well, I just think
if you're home with us...
it would be good if you were
a little bit on our schedule.
Ma, I just graduated.
I just want to sleep a little bit.
Oh, my God. What are you doing?
Wow. It smells a little stale in here.
Did you perspire in the night?
Oh, my God.
Please get out of my room.
I'm thinking maybe we need to wash
the sheets, or perhaps we need a shower?
- Oh, please get out.
- Upsy-daisy.
- Please get out of my room. Please!
- I'm outta here.
Oh, my God.
Fuck.
Hi.
- I'm awake now.
- Great.
Did you see that e-mail
about loan forms?
'Cause that's not supposed to go here.
It's supposed to go to the gallery.
- Yeah, I saw that. I'll e-mail them.
- Thank you.
Am I not allowed to come
down here in my pajamas?
I don't care.
Candice, I really appreciate
you letting me keep Gilda down here.
The cats are being
very lusty towards her.
- No problem. She's really cute.
- What are you doing today, love?
I think I'm gonna go to a party tonight.
And I hate to be vulgar,
but I have to ask you for some money.
Upstairs in the white cabinet
you can find my purse.
- Hi, hi, hi.
- Hello!
- How you doin'?
- How you doin'?
I'm doin'.
I'm in the library.
All the freshmen arrived today,
and I cruised them so hard.
I watched them all
moving into their dorms...
all the minifridges
and collapsible hampers...
and posters
of Gustav Klimt's The Kiss.
- Are you done with your research?
- As done as I'm gonna be.
You know, it's-it's hard
to completely close the door...
on "modes of Western femininity"...
but my grant is up
and my housing ends next week.
I'm jealous. I've been home
for a day, and I miss it already.
I don't know. I think this summer
was the dreamiest one of my life.
Are you kidding?
You were miserable. You spent
half your time with me in the library.
Oh, and stopped eating gluten
and kept threatening to decamp for India.
That's totally right.
But oh, my God.
I found my mom's journals
from when she was our age.
They're unbelievable.
I'm reading them illegally.
And she also had a hippie boyfriend who
had to go find his destiny. Listen to this.
"Making love with Eric tends
to be more fun than passionate.
No, that's an absurd generalization.
It's different every time. "
This part's a little gross.
I don't even want to read this.
"But I'm getting on the bus
to go to New York.
I cried in bed last night so much
because I was so confused...
and because I love Eric so much
and I'm afraid of losing him...
but he needs to be on the farm. "
Owen needs to be on the farm.
The funny farm.
Aren't you a little glad
that he's not moving with you?
I don't know. I miss him.
Oh, but Frankie, I miss you more.
Get here already.
I'll be there soon, okay?
- I love you.
- I love you too.
Shalom. Hubba hubba.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Really good to see you.
- Good to see you too.
- You look so pretty.
- Oh, are you serious?
I feel this outfit just screams, like,
"I've been living in Ohio for four years.
Take me back to your gross apartment
and have sex with me. "
No, you look great.
You look so special.
And I saw that your dyslexic
stripper video got, like, 400 hits.
That's embarrassing.
That one's not even that good.
- No. You know everyone, right? Come on in.
- I don't know.
You can just put your bag in here.
Come here.
So I want to introduce you
to this boy Jed.
He's so witty and so special,
just like you.
You guys are gonna
get along really great.
He can be kind of grumpy sometimes,
but kind of in a cool way.
He has this show on YouTube
where he rides...
this rocking horse
and talks to fake enemies.
Oh, my God.
I think I know who that is.
- It's the Nietschian Cowboy, right?
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. He's the same guy who does
the Skeptical Gynecologist videos.
- Yeah, you've seen those?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. You think they're funny?
- I do think they're funny.
- He's a little bit famous.
- Yeah, I guess so...
in, like, an Internet kind of way.
But we met at this comedy show.
It was really lame,
and he really liked my monologue.
Oh, my God.
Are you so sad
about your boyfriend?
I am really sad.
It's been a really hard few weeks.
I always knew he was
gonna have to take this journey...
but I just didn't expect
it was gonna be so soon.
- Mm-hmm. Yeah.
- And then, like -
Okay.
Hi.
Jed, this is my so-special friend, Aura.
Hello, so-special friend Aura.
- Hi. It's nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
I'm actually a big fan
of your work on the YouTube.
Aw shucks.
I, um, actually thought
you lived in Chicago -
maybe because your MySpace profile
says you live in Chicago.
I do live in Chicago.
I'm here on business.
- Oh, cool. What kind of business?
- Top-secret business.
- Government stuff.
- Hmm.
- Aura does really cool videos too.
- Oh, cool.
I thought you told me there was
gonna be some grinding at this party -
like, straight-up,
eighth-grade-style grinding.
Oh, no.
I meant eighth-grade-style crying.
- Oh, "crying. "
- We're all gonna cry together.
- I see. My mistake.
- So how long are you in town for?
- Uh, I'm in town for roughly -
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my fucking God.
Charlotte.
Oh, my God. Charlotte.
Oh, my God!
I'm so sorry I slapped you.
I'm just so overwhelmed.
Aura! Aura!
- Are you here? Are you here?
- I'm here.
I know Ashlynn, so, yeah, I'm here.
This girl has been
my best friend since I'm one.
- Since I'm... less. Zero.
- It's true.
Our moms used to rub their stomachs
together when they were pregnant with us.
They were the best friends ever...
until my mom
got into Landmark Forum...
and Tony Robbins and ran off to Wyoming
and opened a really dumb...
bed-and-breakfast.
And it's certainly sad.
Now they only speak once a year.
So, how's college in Ontario?
Ohio. I was in college in Ohio.
That's really great.
But, um, you have to come with me.
You have to come with me now.
And we have to talk.
I am so sorry.
I, like, hardly know her.
I met her at this weird
fashion party last week.
She's totally crazy,
but in a really fun way.
- Is her accent real?
- Yeah, I think so.
Her dad's British.
She went to fifth grade there.
Oh.
Well, you should totally stay.
Yeah, I don't know.
I feel like I should go with her.
I've been avoiding her
for, like, five years.
Yeah, I can see why. Yeah.
Anyway, thank you
so much for having me.
Oh, no problem.
You should say good-bye to Jed, though.
- Okay.
- Yeah. I think he really likes you.
Okay.
- Hey.
- Hey, how's it goin'?
It's okay. I'm takin' off.
- Takin' off already?
- Yeah, you saw my friend.
- She really wants me to leave with her.
- Okay.
How much longer are you in town?
I'm in New York
for another almost two weeks.
Well, I'm sure you're very busy...
but if you need a native to show
you around, I'd be glad to do it.
You should give me your number.
Okay.
Taxi!
I leave my lights on when I'm gone.
For fun.
- And you live here alone?
- I do.
And you live with Siri.
How is she?
She's good, I think. She's working a lot.
Big retrospective next year.
She's not really dating or anything,
but I think she's happy.
- And then there's Nadine.
- Oh, who I saw.
On the street.
And who is so tall.
You're lucky to have them -
Siri and Nadine.
I feel like a fucking orphan.
I'm gonna smoke.
I'm gonna smoke pot.
- Do you smoke?
- I could.
Okay, full disclosure:
I was in a rehab in 2007.
But it wasn't for this.
It was for, like...
a blow situation
that I since cleared up.
- Do you drink?
- Yeah. No.
No, I, um -
Only kombucha, you know?
And some red wine.
But that's good for you.
But I don't think we need to talk
about all our issues, you know?
Can't we just start again
as new friends, you know?
Who... Who were old friends,
you know?
- Yeah, like new friends who share
a lot of old memories. - Exactly.
Exactly.
It's kind of like that book
The Giver, you know...
where the, um...
that kid stores everyone's emotions,
that guy?
No, it's not like that at all.
Here.
Thank you.
Well, I want to know about you.
What do you do?
What do you love to do?
Uh... well, I studied film theory...
which I guess I liked.
And then this past summer
I was an assistant...
to a documentary film professor,
like, doing research and stuff.
Sounds like fun.
It wasn't really that fun.
Ooh!
- This is so funny.
- You think so?
I think it's so stupid.
It's just, like, me in a bikini...
in a campus fountain
while my ex-boyfriend watches.
I fucking love it.
Look how many views it's got.
It's got all these comments as well.
"Ahoy, mateys. Whales ahead. "
"What a blubber factory. "
"Put on some pants
or a burlap sack. "
Oh.
"No, her stomach isn't huge.
It's just that her boobs are really small.
It's an optical illusion. "
Oh, you can't possibly
take these seriously, Aura.
I do sometimes.
I kind of want to take this
off-line anyway.
I think you're a genius.
You should be on Saturday Night Live.
Or maybe something
more early Yoko Ono...
where you're just moving through a gallery
and everyone's watching you.
No way.
The art world's my mom's racket.
I don't know what I'll be.
Is Siri making you get a job?
She's not making me.
I mean, I probably should.
My psycho-pharm says
there's no such thing as "should. "
Plus, no one's even financially
independent until they're at least 25.
Or even 30.
What do you think you'll do?
I have no idea what I'm qualified for.
I worked at this place
around the corner called Clandestino.
It's, like, sort of
a dinner bistro kind of thing.
- You were a waitress or -
- No, I was a hostess.
It's the easiest job ever.
You just have to look nice and greet people,
and then old guys send you drinks.
You're so charming. You could do it.
And I know they're hiring.
Just go round there tomorrow
and say you know me.
- I have no experience.
- It's absolutely fine.
On my resume, under "skills"
I put "Has a land line. "
That's amazing.
Thank you.
I mean, being my guardian angel.
Oh, sleep over, please.
I can't. I live so close by.
I just gotta go home.
Really good to see you, though.
You have to promise to call me.
I'll call you this week.
- Good night.
- Oh, Aura, don't go!
Please don't go!
- What are you doing Saturday?
- A practice test.
I never took one of those,
and I came out with a cool score of 1,000.
Listen, not to be rude,
but your bath products...
are sort of scattered
all over the bathroom...
so if you could maybe
keep them on one shelf?
And there's also some hair in the sink
that's definitely not mine.
So if you could do something with that,
and scoop the kitty litter...
that'd be really great.
Deep scoops.
Hello, sir.
Can I seat you for dinner?
You know, it's just
answering the phone, taking deliveries...
you know,
writing down reservations.
You'd be up here a lot by yourself.
The boys will be down in the kitchen.
Um, the wait staff gets in
at around 5:30...
so it's not the most social job.
I'm a video maker,
so my schedule is very flexible.
- I make my own schedule.
- Okay, so when can you start?
Uh, tomorrow. Now.
Let me go downstairs and check.
I think we could start you,
like, next Friday?
I really appreciate it.
I haven't done this before...
but I'm a very fast learner
and I'm very enthusiastic.
Well, no need to be that enthusiastic.
I mean, do you want to know
what it pays?
- I'm sorry. I forgot to ask.
- Yeah, it's $11 an hour to start...
and you can't expect tips because,
you know, you're a day hostess, so -
- I was not expecting any tips.
- Okay, good.
Well, so I'll be right back.
- Hi.
- Hey.
I'm the new hostess - day hostess.
And just so you know,
I'm not working right now...
and I wasn't sleeping,
if you saw me before.
Probably a great thing to do
is to just be hired...
and then rest your head
on the counter.
Yeah, probably not the best way
to make a first impression.
- Do you work here?
- I do.
- Are you a waiter?
- I'm a chef.
Oh, like, the chef?
I'm a chef.
- Look who I found!
- Oh, my God. Hi.
I got the job.
Thank you so much.
Oh, no problem.
Julia's nice, right?
Yeah, she's really nice, although
I made a complete fool of myself...
in front of a really hot guy.
Not one of the Mexicans?
No, like, blond and kind of
American Psycho-y looking.
Oh yeah, Keith.
He is hot, right?
He's the sous chef,
although it's a shame about that fedora.
- And he's got a really filthy mouth.
- Really?
Yeah. One time, though, I saw him
sitting on a crate of onions...
reading Austerlitz,
so he's weirdly literary.
Oh, whoa.
Hey, do you want to go to the Odeon
and order everything on the menu?
I would love to.
It sounds so tempting, but I can't.
If it's a money thing, I have my dad's
credit card, and I've been using it all week.
I mean, he told me
I have baggy under-eyes.
You have beautiful under-eyes,
but I can't.
God, in high school you were always
the "I have to go home" girl.
Are you still
the "I have to go home" girl?
I'm trying not to be,
but I have to go home, okay?
I'll see you soon.
Now you need to take grape...
and mix it with peanut butter,
and then it's like you're eating a PB and J.
- Good idea.
- Actually, there's no peanut butter here.
- That one?
- No, no, that's not peanut butter.
- Yeah.
- No, it's not.
- Mm.
- Try that one.
- It's peach. It's peach.
- Maybe they don't have it.
That's so weird. I always think
of it as, like, a classic flavor.
It's classic, but not in this box.
Uh, hmm.
- Hi.
- Hey.
- Hi. What's up?
- Guess who got a job?
- Who?
- Me.
I'm a hostess at Clandestino,
right around the corner.
What does that entail, though?
I don't know. Like, answering
the phone, taking reservations.
You're great on the phone.
- What are you up to?
- Tell her, Deeny.
What -
You can - you can do it.
Nadine got the biggest prize
you could get in the United States.
- Tell her.
- No -
It's for poetry,
and it's not the entire United States.
The biggest high school award...
in poetry in the United States.
Whoa. Amazing.
I didn't even know you wrote poetry.
No, I don't, I don't.
Poetry's a very stupid thing to be good at.
I mean, poems
are basically like dreams -
something that everybody
likes to tell other people...
but nobody actually cares about
when it's not their own.
Which is why poetry's a failure
of an intellectual community.
You have to hear this poem.
It's complicated, subtle...
very un-high school.
"I know that you like to look at me...
since sometimes,
in the middle of the night...
I see you watching me.
Well, I don't see you...
but I see your shadow
moving back and forth...
in the square of yellow light
that is your window...
not like you're going somewhere...
but like you're moving to move. "
That's really beautiful.
Whenever I write a poem, I feel like...
someone with all these, like, feelings.
It's not too poem-y, which I like.
I feel like every time
I wrote a poem in college...
it was completely about virginity loss.
And I would also read it
in this horrible voice, like...
"This is my slam poetry voice. "
- But you liked it?
- Yeah, I love your poem.
And I feel like you're now a complete
shoe-in for every university.
You do everything.
You just won this massive prize.
I don't know. You're totally willing to
give admission officers BJs. There's that.
Ew. That's disgusting.
Can I ask you something?
I want to say yes...
but usually when you ask me
if you could ask me something...
it's not something
I want to be asked, so -
Have you lost your virginity yet?
I think you would probably know
the answer to that question.
Is that really something
you need to ask me?
I don't know if I would know
the answer to that question.
- You don't tell me everything.
- I think you would know.
I don't know.
Have you ever had an orgasm?
I'm not answering a question
like that! That's -
If you keep asking me
things like that...
I'm just gonna leave this bathroom
and leave you to your shaving.
There is no reason for you
to shriek at me right now.
Yeah, there is, because I'm not
so over-share-y like you.
Like, I'm not just gonna go down
into Mom's studio and be like...
"Mom, Candice, like,
my heart is so broken...
and my vagina hurts so much!"
Whatcha doin' in my closet, kiddo?
Uh...
I'm looking for new shoes.
I hate all my shoes.
And I think I'm going
on a date tomorrow.
With whom?
This guy Jed.
He makes comedy videos.
Is he nice?
I'm not sure yet.
But we are going
to a French movie.
Mm.
Can I show you a video of him
and see if you think it's funny?
Please give this to me.
Did you Google "cupcakes"?
I reject your Platonicism.
More than that, I reject
your whole way of life, partner.
This town ain't big enough
for Christianity and egalitarianism.
Insanity in individuals is quite rare...
but in groups, parties, nations,
and epochs, it is a rule.
I'm crazier than an epoch,
and I'm riding my horse right at ya.
See, it's highbrow,
but it's very witty, I think.
It's witty, but it's kinda goofy.
It's not very mature, but every time I come
into your room, I want to sleep in your bed.
Well, you can sleep here if I'm here.
You just can't sleep here if I'm not here.
So when you and Nadine are visiting colleges
next week, I can't sleep in here?
- That is correct.
- What's the difference?
You need to be invited.
I have to invite you to come in.
Like a vampire?
Coming.
- Aura?
- Oh, hey, Noelle.
Oh, I had no idea
that you were home.
Are you on some kind of a break?
Fall break?
- I graduated.
- Oh, Jesus. Already?
And what about
your boyfriend, um, Noah?
Owen. We broke up.
Oh, no!
He was so sweet.
Do you remember, Jacob?
You liked him so much at that party,
at the New Year's party.
Yeah, he moved back to Colorado.
Uh, something
about having to build a shrine...
to his ancestors out of a dying tree.
- Are you looking for my mom?
- No. Actually, I'm looking for Nadine.
Sometimes she watches Jacob,
you know, in a pinch.
Sorry. We love Nadine, right?
Yes? Is Nadine around?
She's out somewhere.
But, um, I could watch Jacob
if you needed.
I'm sure you're busy.
- I have a little time.
- That would be great.
Just...
Maybe just put on some pants.
Okay.
Do you need my help?
Uh, nope.
Do you want to see my hamster?
Uh...
definitely N-O.
What do you think
I should wear on my date tonight?
A tube top.
- Oh, hey. What's up?
- How's it goin'?
- It's good. How are you?
- I'm doin' all right.
- Sorry I'm late.
- No, don't worry about it.
I'm staying on my friend's couch, and
right when I was getting ready to leave...
he and his girlfriend
got into this huge, fuckin'...
heroic, epic argument
right at the front door.
- Oh, no.
- I was locked in by a wall of aggression.
- That sounds really stressful.
- Yeah, it was really stressful.
It was. I went to an ATM
around the corner just now...
- and the machine told me to go fuck myself.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- In those words?
In those exact words, saying,
"I have not a penny for you. "
I'm in deep financial constraints.
So, what do you -
you want to go -
I was thinking, you know,
I'm already late, I'm already broke -
So maybe we should just
skip the movie?
Which is actually fine, because my horrible
secret is that I hate foreign films.
Interesting. I think a lot of people
nurture that horrible secret.
Well, let's see.
Are you hungry?
Thirsty?
Were you here when
I was talking about how broke I was?
Were you around for that section?
So what do people with no money do?
They -
They loiter at libraries.
They wear plastic bags
for shoes and hats.
- Mm-hmm.
- They go to the park.
- They do a lot of park sitting.
- We could go to the park.
We could. It's nippy.
It's a bit nippy.
Do you know that Gilda Radner Way
is right there?
- I did know that.
- I never knew that.
Yep. I've actually always wanted
to establish a headquarters there.
- A headquarters?
- Mm-hmm.
Interesting. One of many headquarters.
One of a constellation.
- I'm gonna start a bunch of headquarters.
- Interesting. Cool.
I live, like, four blocks from here, and
my mom and sister are gone for the week.
- That's great.
- We could have tea.
- Sounds like an indoor park.
- It's nice.
So, yeah. I don't have
any beer or anything, but -
- It'll do. Let's do it.
- Okay. It's this way.
- That way? Great.
- Awesome.
Before you got here,
someone offered me marijuana.
Did they offer it to you too?
So, yeah, this is my mom's studio.
Mm. It's nice.
It's big. It's huge.
- Pretty big.
- What does she do?
- She's an artist.
- Oh, yeah?
Mm-hmm.
- What kind?
- Photos, mostly.
- Photos of really small things.
- Yeah, for the most part.
- These are miniatures, right?
- Mm-hmm.
That's cool.
- And she's successful?
- Yeah, she's pretty successful.
We live upstairs, but I just came
down here to feed my hamster...
- whose name is actually Gilda.
- A hamster?
- Yeah.
- Old-school.
Yeah.
Look. Check her out.
She's so cute.
She's asleep in her food bowl.
Ah.
I don't want to be a downer, but that -
I'm pretty sure this animal is dead.
No way. She's just asleep
on her side, really comfortable.
See how she's not moving
when you do that?
Look at her eyes.
She's definitely - She's gone.
She's passed.
Oh, my God.
- I'm sorry.
- Okay.
Yeah, I think you're right.
I think that she is dead.
- Okay.
- I wouldn't - Yeah.
Are you sure I can just
put her in the freezer?
Mm-hmm. I'm positive.
Just make sure that bag
is tightly sealed.
I'm so sorry.
What a weird introduction to my house.
It's okay.
It's a beautiful house.
- It's gorgeous. Huge.
- It's not mine, obviously.
I've actually only been back here
for, like, two weeks.
I was in college in Ohio,
and I stayed there for the summer.
And so now I'm planning to move out,
but I needed to get a job first...
and now I'm starting
a new job tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Wow. Cool.
Doin' what?
- I'm a hostess.
- A hostess? Interesting.
At this place just around the corner
called Clandestino.
It's closed during the day,
so basically my job is just to...
take reservations, make sure
nothing disastrous happens.
And they call that being a hostess?
- Mm-hmm.
- That's generous.
- What kind of tea do you want?
- I want some good tea.
Okay. I have...
Sleepytime,
I have China Green Tips...
Mexican Sweet Chili, and, uh...
Smooth Move herbal stimulant
laxative tea, which is not mine.
Can I still have it, the laxative one?
- What kind of business are you here on?
- I'm here for the laxative tea.
No, I mean
why are you in New York?
I'm in New York to develop
some television show ideas.
Oh, cool. For what network?
Well, uh, we met with HBO last week...
and Comedy Central
has expressed some interest.
So basically, now the agent's sort of
shopping around to a few different places...
and seeing where
it might be the best fit.
- You have an agent. Whoa.
- Mm-hmm.
Big-time whoa.
Where are you staying in the city?
I am staying in hell.
Perhaps you've heard of it.
They call it Bushwick.
A studio space in Bushwick.
But, uh, it's pretty close to hell.
You know, I don't know
if this is a weird offer...
but my mom and sister
are gone for the entire week.
They're visiting colleges.
And so I have the whole place to myself.
Frankly, I feel greedy
keeping it that way.
You could totally crash here
if you wanted to.
Is that a genuine offer?
Hello?
- Jed?
- I'm in here.
Is this a good spot?
Yeah, it's fine.
- This is my mom's room.
- Okay.
Can I get you anything?
I found a towel in there,
so we're all good.
Okay.
I have to be up for work at 8:00.
Do you have to be up at any specific time?
Hmm-mm. I do not.
Okay, then.
I guess I'll just let you get to sleep.
Great. Good night.
- Good night.
- Sweet dreams.
Yeah, you too.
How many on the books tonight?
Um -
How many? On the books?
Reservations?
Oh! I can absolutely
look at that for you.
Hold on. One, two -
I guess you like to know
what to prepare for.
Yep.
What time do you usually come in?
Uh, depends.
This morning I took my time.
Did some readin'
in a pretty good book.
- Oh, yeah? What book?
- The Road. Cormac McCarthy.
Mm. That's a favorite of Oprah's.
That is a relief.
- Nah, it's pretty compelling.
- Yeah?
- This your first day?
- Mm-hmm.
They, uh, just showed me
the phones and left, so -
Good afternoon.
Clandestino.
- They hung up.
- Nice work.
I'm totally useless.
Look, pretty much all you need
to know is that these guys...
are the laziest
fuckin' guys in the world.
Your job mostly consists of
making sure they're not sleeping...
or molesting you.
- Come on.
- I'm serious.
They touch inappropriately...
and they do not do what they're told.
Hey, Sayeed.
Hey, Sayeed,
could you set table five?
See? Worthless.
Nice earrings, by the way.
Thanks.
- Ah!
- Oh, come on.
- It doesn't really hurt.
- It does hurt.
You sure this a bow?
It feels really weird and un-bowlike.
Trust me.
You're gonna love it.
What was college like?
I don't know.
It was funny.
I felt so sure that I'd found
the best friends I would ever have.
Just, like, these nice, open girls...
who were interested
in music and art and baking.
- Baking?
- Yeah.
They would be sort of, like, serious
and buttoned-up during the day...
and then at night, to really get crazy,
they would have these hobbies like baking...
or for a while they were
really into miniature furniture...
like building little 1950s dinette sets
out of balsa wood.
Were you into that?
Building little...
wooden dinette sets?
I was into all of it, but then
I realized that there was sort of...
a way that they didn't totally get it.
Like your jokes?
Oh, they got jokes. Frankie definitely
gets jokes. You're gonna meet Frankie.
She's finishing up some research,
but she's gonna move here...
and I think we're getting
an apartment together.
Oh yeah? Where?
In, like, Fort Greene or Bed-Stuy?
I know. It's hard
to imagine leaving Tribeca.
It's very convenient.
You know,
the thing about your friends -
they weren't assholes, were they?
No, not at all.
See? That's the problem.
Our people are assholes.
- Our moms are assholes.
- You think my mom's an asshole?
Yeah.
She's too successful not to be.
Did you invite someone over?
What a day.
Big day today. Long day.
What have you guys been up to?
I had this meeting in midtown today.
It went so well...
the guy sent me to
this other guy in SoHo...
but I didn't have a MetroCard,
so when I told the guy in midtown -
- Who are you?
- Who am I?
You remember Jed.
We met him at Ashlynn's party.
Oh. You're not the guy
who makes those videos...
where you act like an imbecile...
against a badly painted scrim, are you?
- That is I.
- Oh, I don't like you.
You have this sort of DIY aspect.
- Charlotte!
- The lady can speak her mind.
It's okay.
Are you guys hungry?
- Not hungry.
- We just ate a little while ago.
You ate. Recently, or -
Are you hungry, or -
- I am hungry.
- Well, then, you should get some food.
Well, maybe if I had more money
in my bank account, I would get some food.
You don't have to pay for food.
We have so much frozen stuff here...
including my dead hamster.
Do you have any wine?
I don't think so.
Let me check, but I don't think so.
Okay, there's a bunch of red here, but this
is my mom's. I feel like we shouldn't take it.
Oh, come on. There's so much.
She won't miss a bottle.
Do you have a cork pull-y thingy?
Uh, your mom's room,
it gets a little, um, cold at night.
Yeah, I think there's
a little bit of a draft.
Yeah, there's a pretty big draft.
It's noticeable.
It's annoying.
I'm gonna take your sister's room.
Okay.
Listen, if you're lonely, you can come
with me back to my house...
and we could just take an Ambien
and watch Picnic at Hanging Rock...
or, like, Christiane F. Or something.
I know, but he's here and -
Don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Love you.
We don't have anything at 8:00.
No, we have something around 8:00.
Around eight means 7:45 or 8:30.
Yeah.
8:45 we could do.
That would work well.
Mm-hmm.
That's a party of four?
Three? Okay.
Thank you. Yeah.
Have a lovely day.
Who makes reservations
at a restaurant? I would never do that.
Parenthetically, I just told that customer
that our house red has grape-y undertones.
I really like your chef outfit.
Thank you.
So how are - how are things?
Um, I'm really tired.
I took three Klonopin and woke up
next to a spoonful of peanut butter.
- You like pills?
- Yeah.
- You?
- Love.
What can you get for me?
I personally don't have
any prescriptions...
but my friend Charlotte
has an extremely generous doctor.
Well, if you could
get me some Vicodin...
I would be forever grateful.
It's like -
It's like lying naked
on a bearskin rug next to a fire.
Nice.
Whatcha doin'?
Oh, I just...
I got this e-mail from this...
terrible girl I used to know.
Like a girlfriend-type terrible girl?
No, it's this girl I met
at this, um, coffee shop...
this, like, horrible trendy coffee shop
in, um, Wicker Park.
And, uh, she had seen a few
of my videos and was just, you know...
she was just on my jock,
like, really bad.
On your jock?
She was just pushing,
you know, like, hard.
Hmm. So did you, like,
date her or -
Uh, no. The thing about her is, like,
she was just really, like -
She was extremely forthcoming
with the blowies.
- Like, crazily so.
- Whoa.
Yeah, like really, really, really into it.
Like, it got to the point that we weren't
even, like, talking or making out.
It was just like, "hello"
and, like, straight to blowie.
- That seems like it's not -
- It was fine. It was fine.
But it - You know, you also have
to live your life, and it was taking over.
The only time I'd get stuff done were in
the 15 minutes it would take for me...
to reconstitute my boner.
Otherwise, like, my life
was just overrun by this.
- Gross.
- Yeah.
- So I had to walk away eventually.
Eventually. - That must have been hard.
Mm. Yeah.
No pun intended.
Can you handle that?
Hey.
What's goin' on downstairs?
Same shit, different day.
Those guys are such
fuckin' dirtbags, man.
I'm just sitting there,
tryin' to read my book...
and they're all crowded around watching
Cum Omelet on somebody's iPhone.
- What is Cum Omelet?
- A porn video.
- What happens in it?
- Pretty self-explanatory.
A bunch of dudes come,
cook it in an omelet.
- Then what?
- Some chick has to eat it.
Ugh.
And you're into that?
No.
Not a porn guy?
I wouldn't say that.
It's just, uh...
I'm into different stuff.
What kind of stuff?
Like some Japanese shit.
Like, uh...
you ever see anything
with tentacle rape?
What is tentacle rape?
Tentacle rape.
It's good. It's worth a Google.
You should check it out.
What do you like to watch?
Reruns of Seinfeld.
- Porn-wise.
- Nothing.
- Yeah, right.
- I don't.
In high school my friend Charlotte
used to drag me to Waldenbooks...
and make me look at this thing
called Sensual Abductions...
which is, like, stories about women
being kidnapped and ravaged and -
That turn you on?
None of your business.
I'm hungry.
I'm sure some of the guys downstairs
would be happy to make you an omelet.
You have two unheard messages.
Aura, it's Mom.
Just a reminder that the recycling
can't sit in the basement all weekend.
Please, please help me out.
I don't want to ask Candice to do it again.
And where are you?
I haven't heard from you in a few days.
Can you give us a call?
I'll see you Wednesday, sweetie.
How you doin'?
Um, I've left you three messages.
Uh, you may have fallen
down a mine shaft.
I think I found us
an apartment on Craigslist...
but I need you to tell me
if it's a scam or not.
This is Frankie, by the way.
Okay. I am gonna go to work...
but I'm off at 4:00
and I'll call you around then...
and we can get a falafel or something?
Okay. Well, I'm busy
until 10:00 or 10:30 or so.
I have a meeting at 9:00 that I think
will wrap around 10:00 or 10:30.
But I can come back here
and ring the bell when I'm downstairs.
Okay. I might be out
with Charlotte then at some bar.
She thinks the bartender's cute
and wants me to go with her.
Do you have an extra set of keys?
I don't have extra keys, no.
And I should also tell you...
that my mom and sister are
coming back the day after tomorrow.
That's fine.
I'm-I'm a huge hit with moms.
I just think you might want
to find a backup plan...
because you'd be sleeping
in a cubicle next to a 17-year-old girl.
It sounds awesome.
Hey, look.
I'm a man in the house, okay?
That's invaluable.
That's what I am, okay?
Do you understand that?
Okay. How much longer
are you in town?
A... week and a half.
- Roughly a week and a half.
- Okay.
Um...
I think I can make that work.
Did you see this story about the woman
who didn't know she was pregnant...
until she gave birth
on a Greyhound bus?
I didn't, but I have dreams
about that all the time -
that I'm pregnant,
and that I don't know...
and then it's too late
for me to get an abortion.
Ah, you got a pretty compact body.
I don't think you'd miss the signs.
Yeah, well, my friend Charlotte
says that the Greyhound bus...
is for the dregs of humanity,
so that doesn't surprise me.
Charlotte? With the pills?
Can you make that happen?
You'd need to hang out
with me extracurricularly.
Which would be easy to do.
I live right around the corner...
and my mom is basically never home.
Well, I work till 1:00 most nights...
and then, uh, my day off
I gotta spend with my girlfriend.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, we've been goin'
through some problems...
so I gotta put the time in.
How's that going?
Shitty.
But we've been together for a while.
- It's expensive to move out.
- Yeah, that sucks.
I'm really glad I didn't have
to deal with that with my ex.
He moved to Colorado,
and then the guy I'm dating now is like...
basically living with me,
which is too much.
You're dating someone?
Yeah, I mean,
I'm trying to keep it really casual.
He's kind of a big deal on YouTube.
- Hi, Mommy.
- Hey.
- I'm so glad you're home.
- I've been trying to get in touch with you.
- I left you lots of voice mails and stuff.
- My phone's off. What's up?
What's up is
I went to pour myself a glass of wine.
Really tired.
Want to lie down in my bed.
Ten bottles of wine are gone.
One left.
Okay, I don't really know what to -
And who slept in my bed?
Somebody slept in my bed.
I slept in your bed. My mattress
is uncomfortable, so I slept in your bed.
Candice told me she saw some guy walking
around the loft at around 11:00 a. M...
after you went to work - way after.
What was Candice doing
walking around the loft?
Candice should stay in the studio.
- Candice is a bitch.
- Candice is a bitch?
- Yeah, Can-
- Candice works for me.
Candice comes up here to do things.
Candice is up and down,
up and down.
Okay. Well, it makes me uncomfortable,
the idea of Candice walking around my space.
Candice said the place
reeked of pot.
That was not my fault.
There's no way that was my fault.
You know that there's a kid
across the air shaft...
who smokes a ton of weed
and will never wave at Nadine.
Okay, but you didn't drink the wine.
Who drank the wine?
This is Charlotte. I think Charlotte
is such an incredibly bad influence.
- That's so untrue.
- She's unsupervised, out of control -
That's not true.
She's with her dad all the time.
He takes her to openings
all the time.
Bob would go to the opening
of a fucking envelope...
and I'm sure he wishes people
think that Charlotte's his date.
- He is so skeevy -
- You are being very cruel.
- No.
- Charlotte is my best friend.
For two weeks.
The last two weeks.
For my whole life
Charlotte's been my best friend...
and she's also the only person
who seems to care that I'm home.
All you seem to care about
is the wine...
and if you care so much,
I'll buy you new wine.
- With what money?
- I have a job.
Did you not hear me last week
when I told you that I have a job?
- I heard you. I heard you.
- I just got out of school.
This is a very hard time for me.
If you didn't notice,
I had my heart broken, okay?
I am a young, young person...
who is trying very hard.
And I don't know if you know
what it's like to have a job.
Did you ever have a job that wasn't just
taking pictures of stupid, tiny crap?
- No.
- Yeah!
Exactly! Exactly!
- Could you stop shrieking, please?
- No, I won't stop shrieking...
because I don't understand
why you are doing this to me.
What do you want?
'Cause you two are
some kind of gang.
- That is so not true.
- You're a gang!
You with the kitty litter, okay?
You with the wine
and the stuff all over the house.
I'm asking to be heard.
Just to be heard.
I am asking to be heard!
You don't hear anything I say.
You don't care
about anything I say or feel.
Neither of you.
And you're just looking at me
like I'm crazy, but I'm not crazy!
- No.
- This is my house too!
- I know.
- And nobody acts that way!
You act like it's all your house!
It's all your stupid shit!
- Would you please just -
- It's all over the house!
- Stop it!
- No! I hate you!
- Could you stop it, please?
- I really, really, really hate you!
- I really hate you.
- All right, all right.
- I really hate you, so leave me alone!
- Leave her alone.
- I didn't do anything.
- Just -
- It's not funny.
- Just help me pick this up.
- Look what I have.
- What?
Paper furniture. You want it?
- Hmm-mm.
- It's much too fragile for me to use.
I don't want it.
- Are you hungry?
- No.
You know, when I was your age,
I never had a job.
I never could do anything.
I had no motivation whatsoever.
So I'm pretty impressed with you.
I am.
I'm sorry I yelled at you so loudly.
It's okay. I don't care.
I'm having a really hard time.
- I'm sorry.
- I really am.
- Am I crushing you?
- Mm, a little bit.
- Can I ask you a favor?
- Yeah.
I have this friend. I haven't made any
new friends since I got back from school.
And I have this friend named Jed.
He's really cool. We have a lot in common.
He's just in New York for two weeks,
and the place he was staying fell through.
- And I was wondering if you -
- No.
- You didn't even listen.
- What?
I was wondering if maybe he could just
stay here for a couple of nights...
until he figured out somewhere else.
- No. That's really weird for Nadine.
- Why?
Because her bed
is right through your wall.
- Then he could sleep in the studio.
- This is where I work.
Okay. Mom, I'm 22.
I just - He's -
We're not sleeping together.
- He could go on the blow-up mattress -
- That's even weirder.
Why?
Mom, please?
It's not a big deal. It's the kind of thing
most moms would think was not a big deal.
Okay, just for a couple nights.
Thank you.
I love you. Thank you.
Thank you.
- Hey. How are you?
- Good. How are you?
- Good, thank you. Come in.
- Thank you.
- How's it goin'?
- It's good. How are you?
Do you want to meet my mom really fast?
- She's here? Yeah. I'd love to. For sure.
- Cool.
She's right over here.
- Mom? Nadine?
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
- Hello.
- This is Jed.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you as well. Hello.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
- Likewise. Thanks for letting me stay here.
- Not a problem.
- I really appreciate it.
- Not a problem.
- Cool.
- Cool. So we're gonna be in the back.
- Great.
- See ya.
- All right. Nice meeting you.
- We can just go back that way.
- Back here?
"June 22, 1974.
Terry got a perm.
She looks beautiful.
I am jealous.
Even though things have changed...
and I seem to have joined the ranks
of the beautiful, I am jealous.
An awful day at work. I hate
being a receptionist, even at a museum.
My cousin Stephen came in and just
stared at me until I recognized him. "
You okay down there?
I think the mattress is deflating.
No way.
It is. It's defeCtive.
It's devastating.
- So you're just sinking?
- I'm sinking... slowly.
It's a mathematical certainty.
I don't have anything else
for you to sleep on...
so maybe you should just
get in my bed.
Nah.
Sorry. Jesus.
Girls sweat up the bed.
I don't sweat up the bed.
Has anyone ever told you
that you sweat up a bed?
- No one's ever said that.
- Never ever?
- Never ever.
- Okay.
When'd you get that mattress?
Mm, I don't know.
Like, two years ago.
Ah, it's defective.
Still have a warranty on it?
I don't know.
I don't save stuff like that.
- You can just turn out the
light if you want. - Okay.
It might be a little bit cozy,
but we will definitely make it work.
Thank you so much.
Okay. See you Tuesday.
I am so sorry I'm late.
There was a whole thing -
My mom locked herself out of the house,
and no one else has keys, and -
- I really like your dress.
- It's a jumpsuit.
Listen, Aura, I need you
to be here at 10:00 a. m. Sharp...
when the phone starts ringing, okay?
I mean, I can't be downstairs wondering
if you're up here doing your job.
- I am really, really -
- No. It's no biggie. It's okay.
How are the busboys treatin' you?
Anyone molest you yet today?
No one but you.
If I were gonna molest you,
you would know.
Hey, I get off early tonight.
What are you doin'?
- Um -
- I got a joint if you got those pills.
- I could probably -
- Meet me at the corner of Houston and A...
at 11:00.
We have to tart you up a bit.
Are you sure it's okay
if I take some Xanax?
- I feel bad, but he really wants Xanax.
- It's absolutely fine.
- Maybe you should surprise him with oxys.
- What about this?
What do you think of this?
Absolutely not. You need something
that shows your little tits off.
You have the greatest little tits.
They're like a 1960s porn star...
with those puffy little nipples you have.
Oh, my God. That reminds me of this thing
that I just read in my mom's journal.
It's so funny. Listen to this.
Okay.
"I think of myself a lot
as this weird mutation from the '50s.
Doris Day in SoHo.
What a disgusting thought. "
You know, I know how she feels.
Sometimes I think of myself...
as Tribeca's solution
to Marianne Faithfull.
Charlotte, I feel so unprepared. Okay,
so I go there and meet him on the corner.
We smoke a joint,
and then what do I do?
Just take him somewhere
and grab his cock.
You know,
just do something spontaneous.
I don't know.
I'm not awesome like you.
I just broke up with a male feminist
after three years. I'm not a cock-grabber.
Let me tell you something.
When I was 16...
I was absolutely
in love with this man.
I mean,
I was head over heels for him.
One time we were in SoHo...
and we broke
into this residential park...
and it was late at night,
and it was raining.
And it was so romantic.
And I was so sure he'd kiss me.
And then he just reached over...
and he just grabbed my cunt.
And I was really traumatized.
I was supersad for, like,
a long time after that.
And then one day I just got over it...
and I realized that
that's what you call "spontaneous. "
I guess so.
You know what?
Just wear my top.
It's the only option.
You don't have to do this. It's a beautiful
tank top, but you don't have to do this.
Desperate times
call for desperate measures.
Hopefully he'll replace this awful Jeb.
- Jed.
- Whatever. That guy's a loafer...
and he doesn't deserve you.
I don't deserve you.
Speaking of which...
my father's friend Philippe
is curating this show in Dumbo.
It's this group show.
And I said that we're gonna
put one of your pieces in.
- Really?
- Yeah.
It's gonna be put on one
of those cool little white monitors...
and I think it's a great opportunity.
Aura?
Hi, Siri.
Oh! Sweetie. Long time.
You reek of cigarettes,
and I owe your mom a call.
Oh, no. I wouldn't worry about it.
She's pretty distracted by this...
sheepherder she's fucking.
All the frozen entrees are gone,
with the exception of this?
- Oh, my God. Is that your dead rat?
- I'm really sorry.
I have not found a place to bury Gilda yet,
but I will buy you new ones.
My paycheck comes next week.
I wouldn't get too excited
about that paycheck.
It's pretty disappointing. After a while,
I just stopped picking mine up.
I know who ate everything.
This is not a boarding house.
This is not a food bank.
This is not a bed-and-breakfast.
This is my home.
I paid for this food.
It's not for you to share.
Do you have the same sense
of entitlement as my daughter?
Oh, believe me, mine is much worse.
Can't believe he stood me up.
Dude sounds like a real meatball.
Should I give him a second chance?
Are you fuckin' kidding me?
No way.
No way. Absolutely not.
You get ditched like that once, that's it.
That's a - That's a life ban.
That's forever.
Not always.
I feel like there's a situation -
There's no fuckin' situation.
That's it.
I'm telling you.
You don't - You don't do that.
Like, if you - Relationships aren't -
You know, it's not rocket science.
If you find yourself having to really think
about it a lot, analyzing it, it's over.
It's kaput. I'm telling you.
- Yeah?
- Like, look. You know, we met.
I thought,
"Hey, you know, this is a funny chick.
This is nice. This is easy. "
You know, I don't - I'm not worrying about
whether or not we're gonna, you know...
make out or some
fucking nonsense, you know?
It's no big whoop. And that's how
it's supposed to be, you know?
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
By the way, you do sweat the bed.
I don't.
Probably more than
the average female, I would say.
What's up?
You get him out of our house.
- What?
- I want him out of my home.
He's not doing anything.
He's only been in my room.
He's in my laundry room
mixing lights and darks.
- He doesn't have any other place to go.
- That is not my problem.
You are not even having sex
with that person.
I am going out
with Jane and Pierre tonight...
and when I return, he is gone.
- Fine.
- You're late for work again.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What's up?
- Not much.
You?
Same shit, different day.
I thought you'd made
that expression up,
but it turns out
it's just something people say.
Yeah, look.
I'm sorry about last night, all right?
I couldn't get out of the house.
My girlfriend went crazy. She found
these texts that my ex wrote and -
Can I tell you a secret?
- Fucking hate this job.
- Yeah, so do I.
As soon as I get a big enough nut,
I'm gonna quit.
I think I might quit today.
Like, now.
I'm really sorry.
Yeah. I just figured, you know...
an artist, an open lady, you know.
I think you made her out to be
a little bit more...
relaxed than she really is.
I'm really sorry.
I mean, I would totally understand...
if you were mad at me,
and I hope that you're not.
Yeah. I just think you should -
I think you should make sure you can deliver
something before you promise it, you know?
Well, I didn't, like, not deliver.
I mean, you stayed in the house
for a week, but -
No, I know. You're totally right.
So... I'm sorry.
And I hope that we can
hang out more before you go.
Okay. Well, we'll see.
I'm staying all the way in Queens,
which is a bit of a trek, but -
- Okay.
- We'll see.
All right.
I'm a cowboy at dusk.
Bye.
Hey, what's up?
Where's Jed?
- Mom made me kick him out.
- Ooh, bummer.
Is it okay if I have
a few kids over later?
- How many is a few?
- I don't know. Like, six or something?
What the hell is going on here?
More kids came than I thought
were gonna come.
Uh, yeah, I should say so.
There's, like, 25 kids here.
Mom's not gonna be home till 1:00.
It's not that big a deal.
Maybe it's not a big deal to you.
It's a big deal to me.
Having drunk minors
in the house is a liability.
No one here is drunk.
Oh, my God.
You've got to turn the music down.
I'm not in charge of the music.
Excuse me.
You have got to turn the music down.
What?
You have got to turn the music down.
- I came as soon as I could.
- They're out of control.
Don't worry. Wrangling
teenage boys is a specialty of mine.
The problem isn't the volume.
It's that there's nothing danceable.
You guys are playing all this shit.
How about something to move to?
Oh, my - Oh!
And if you get a fucking boner,
I'll kill you.
- Charlotte, please come with me.
- I can't move to this.
I just can't move.
Holy shit.
God, they are out of control.
- You were right.
- Oh, really?
Yeah, they're really being bad.
Look, what can I do?
Do you want something to eat?
Listen, I want something to eat.
Let's go into the kitchen.
Let's scrum into the kitchen
and get a crust of bread or cheese.
I feel very hot
and dizzy and constricted.
Right, yeah.
Well, um, we can fix it.
Nadine?
You are going to listen
to me right now.
Do you hear something?
I just hear absolutely nothing.
Yeah, I just got a picture of your sister
and her friend walking by. No pants.
Haven't you ever been
to the beach, you silly sod?
You are going to come into the kitchen,
and you're going to talk to me.
- Nope.
- Come with me now.
I'm not speaking to you.
Like hell you're not speaking to me.
- What?
- I don't get why you care.
- You don't get why I care?
- No, I don't get why you care.
I think the issue is that
it reflects badly on Aura's authority.
You know what else reflects badly?
Walking through my party
with no pants on.
- That's a good point.
- So you admit it's a party?
I admit it's humiliating
because you're so desperate...
that you crave attention from
17-year-old boys, that's what I admit.
Okay, you can be mad about the way I handled
this or whatever, but this is your bad.
There are 25 kids here.
They are drinking. They are making -
And you're so desperate
it's disgusting...
and you put yourself on YouTube
so millions of people can see you...
and that homeless guy who was staying
in our house wouldn't even fuck you.
And to be honest, I'm ashamed
we have the same mother.
I'm ashamed
because you disgust me.
You fucking disgust me!
- Don't talk to me like that.
- Don't hit me!
Don't hit me because it doesn't hurt!
I think this is wildly unnecessary.
You two are both artic...
I don't like to get mad at people
who aren't in my family...
but no one cares what you think.
- Do not -
- Don't hit me again.
Go to your fucking room.
Go to your fucking room!
Charlotte?
Charlotte?
Charlotte, will you move over
just a little bit, please?
Mom.
- Mom.
- Hmm?
Were there any kids here
when you got home?
No, no kids.
- Mom?
- Hmm?
Charlotte is asleep in my bed,
and she's taking up the whole thing...
- and it's making me really sad.
- That's good.
Mom?
I took an Ambien.
Can I sleep in here?
No room.
Nadine?
What? What?
I'm really sorry about earlier, okay?
You just put me in a really bad position.
Okay, it's fine. It's fine.
- Nadine?
- What?
- I love you.
- Love you too.
No! No!
Shh!
- Hi!
- Hey.
I'm literally packing
the last box as we speak.
This may be
the first time in my life...
that I'm completely ready
for something.
I just quit my job.
At the restaurant?
Didn't you just start?
Yeah, well,
it was really boring, and shitty...
and I have a college degree...
so I didn't really see any reason
to continue with that.
We picked the worst
possible time to graduate.
But the good news is
rents are lower...
so we can find a place
that's in our price range...
that isn't, like, a total roach motel.
Frankie, I don't feel like this is
the best time for me to do this.
If it's a financial thing,
my dad said that he can...
cover security and first month's...
and you can just get us back later.
I mean, it is that.
It's definitely that, 'cause I don't have
a job anymore. But it's also not that.
My mom is becoming, you know,
sort of dependent on having me around.
I help watch the house.
I take care of Nadine.
And I really had trouble
making this decision...
but I realized it's the best thing
for me to be at home right now.
And I feel pretty guilty going.
Okay.
And you couldn't have told me
about this a little earlier?
I get there tomorrow, Aura.
I kind of didn't know until today, and I
figured that you're staying with Jess...
so you're not gonna be completely
homeless when you get here.
Yeah, temporarily.
But I need a roommate.
Craigslist?
Someone just got murdered
off Craigslist.
"I better watch it.
I'm a little worried about me.
I am not behaving
in a rational manner.
I am creating enemies
left and right.
Alienating people,
particularly Michelle.
I just got afraid that I was
similar to Ed, the landlord.
Here's a new list
of things I want:
A violin bow, a lover - and please
let it work to make me happy.
My luck in love
is always so poor.
To start getting
my art together...
to weigh 128 to 125
and be happy...
a toe operation,
a dulcimer, a black beret...
sunglasses, new journal,
the floor sanded...
to learn to use a dark room,
and to make little movies...
ones that have me in them. "
- You okay?
- Mm-hmm, I'm okay.
My lower back feels
like it's about to spasm.
How do I look?
Positively model-esque.
Where are you going?
Some Dalton party.
I like it when you go out because...
I do not like what happens
when you stay in.
Mom, Charlotte put my video
in this opening in Dumbo...
and I'm gonna go, so that means
neither of us will be here.
You gonna be okay?
She's just gonna watch
Rachel Maddow, eat macaroons...
and lay on the heating pad.
I'll be fine.
- I'm nervous.
- Well, don't be.
It's more like a salon
than a gallery.
But what if my work isn't right
for an art context?
I think everything's
right for every context.
- And you can quote me.
- Also, I texted the chef.
Oh, that's why you're nervous.
Oh, my God, and my mom
will not stop calling me.
Ignore. Ignore.
Doesn't it look great?
I don't know. There's no sound.
No, but the placement is beautiful.
Plus, you're just so concerned with
having things look polished and perfect.
Any exposure's good exposure.
I guess.
- Oh, my God. There he is.
- Who?
Philippe.
He curated this whole thing.
Oh, my God. You don't know
what I would give to fuck him.
Him?
He is old like a dad.
No. You have to get what I'm into.
Who is it?
Oh, my God. Hi.
- Hi.
- Mm!
Oh, my God. Hi.
Oh, whoa! You're here!
Well, I figured I had to
track you down somehow.
You didn't text me back the address...
so I've literally been wandering
around the neighborhood for an hour.
I'm so sorry.
You look beautiful.
- Where's your piece?
- Oh.
It's just the college fountain video.
You've seen it before.
I love that one.
- I'm Charlotte.
- Oh, of course.
- I've heard a lot about you.
- Oh, yeah. Childhood tales.
Aura likes to make it sound
like I was the naughty one...
but she was such a selfish cunt.
But, you know, all relationships
have a mythology, don't they?
Do you have a piece
in the show as well?
No. I curated the thing.
One.
Nice outfit.
Charlotte dressed me.
I guess we're not in Kansas anymore.
Did you throw out your clogs?
I didn't.
I mean, they're somewhere.
I don't know where,
but they're somewhere.
How's staying with Steph? I feel like
her newfound lesbianism would be a huge -
If we're really gonna talk,
we should just go somewhere.
What do you mean?
I just feel as though we have
some things to discuss.
Like what?
Aura.
You decided you didn't want to
live together, and that's fine...
but you told me
the day before I arrived...
after barely responding
for weeks to any of my calls.
I didn't decide
I didn't want to live together.
I told you my mom
actually needs me.
And that's totally okay...
but I haven't been able
to reach you for so long.
What is going on?
Chef sighting.
Fucking chef sighting.
- Oh, my God. Where?
- He's here. He's over there.
- No way.
- Yeah.
- What do I do?
- Just go over and say hi...
- and, you know -
- Ask if he wants to see my video.
No, he doesn't want to see
your fucking video.
So I'm gonna go.
- Frankie?
- No, I mean I'm gonna go.
We're talking.
And you can call me
when you want to.
All right?
Like, if you can find a spare moment.
God, she's such a drip!
Oh!
Hey.
I did not think you'd come.
Well, my day off.
I didn't think you'd quit.
Yeah, well, I quit.
Fuckin' A, man.
You want to get outta here?
Yes.
So your girlfriend
let you out of the house?
She's working tonight...
but, uh, it's complicated.
Complicated how?
I don't really call her
my girlfriend anymore.
Since when?
Since I fucked one of her friends
from beauty school.
Gotcha.
Kohlrabi.
Kohlrabi's
a really fuckin' stupid food.
Everyone's always trying to do all this
fancy shit with it, like kohlrabi mousse...
and kohlrabi syrup,
but it's not even really fuckin' food.
It's just ra- It's just rabbit food.
- What?
- I just thought it was so funny...
the way you said it, you were like,
"Kohlrabi is a really fucking stupid -"
I've never even heard of kohlrabi.
It's just so cool to me that
you have, like, a thing, you know?
That's your thing.
Like, food is your thing.
I think I'm really high.
That'll happen.
I shouldn't.
- Okay.
- Listen, I'm still living with Jessica...
and I feel like I should keep it
in my pants, you know?
- Hmm.
- Just until we're formally -
Yeah, of course. Sorry.
Ow!
Let's walk.
- You're kneeling on my foot.
- Sorry.
- No, I kind of like it.
- Dirty bitch.
Sorry.
Boss me around a little bit.
Okay. S-Suck it harder.
Oh, fuck!
Your phone keeps ringing.
- You don't have AIDS, do you?
- No. Do you?
Hmm-mm.
- Do you have herpes?
- No. Do you?
No.
Pull my hair.
I hope you don't judge me too harshly
for having fucked you in a pipe.
No harm, no foul.
Shit! That's my boy.
- What?
- Shh!
It's not him.
It was this guy who used to work
with Jessica's sister, you know?
So you were attempting
to hide me behind this car?
No harm, no foul.
You said that, like,
seven times tonight.
I should probably go.
Okay.
I'm just gonna catch a cab.
- I'll see you soon?
- See you later.
Hi, Mommy.
What's up?
What, are you mad at me?
What do you think?
I'm home now, okay?
I'm about to take out the trash.
I took it out already.
What about your back?
What about my back?
It really hurts.
So you didn't have to do that.
I told you I was coming home.
Since when do you do any of the things
you say you're gonna do lately?
Okay, we've had this conversation.
I don't want to have to say this
over and over. I'm figuring it out.
Oh, my God.
"Mom, I'm figuring it out.
Mom, I'm on it.
Mom, I'm all over it. "
I am so sick of your words.
Come on.
Do you like living here?
That is such a ridiculous question.
I love living here.
Well, I don't think you love it
as much as you think you do.
Boss me around a little bit.
Can I come in?
Mm-hmm.
Do you want me to rub
your back for a minute?
Mm-hmm.
Do you want me to tell you
where it hurts?
No, I can figure it out.
You know, if filmmaking
doesn't work out...
you could always be
a massage therapist.
You have a v-
very intuitive touch...
kind of like my sister.
Do you remember when I was little,
and I wanted to be a makeup artist?
Mm-hmm.
Your poor babysitters and Nadine.
You said I would be something
better than a makeup artist...
but I thought being
a makeup artist sounded fine.
It is fine. It's all fine.
No, I don't want
to be a makeup artist...
and I don't want to be
a massage therapist...
and I don't want to be a day hostess.
I want to be
as successful as you are.
Oh, you will be
more successful than I am.
Really, believe me.
I want to be as successful as Nadine.
Now, that's gonna be harder.
She's a little obnoxious
with all that, anyway.
I read your journal
from when you were my age.
I don't care.
I mean, I didn't read the whole thing.
I just read part of it, but -
I figured you knew where they were.
Yeah, if you didn't want me to read it,
you shouldn't have just left it right out there...
in the lightbulb cabinet
where anyone could find it.
I really don't care...
and I'm sure
they're not that interesting, and...
frankly, I can't remember
anything I wrote.
Mostly about food.
- Who was Ed?
- Ed?
Yeah, you wrote a lot
about someone named Ed.
Oh. Ooh, Ed.
Sheila and I rented a corner of his loft
and ended up paying most of his rent.
- Where was it?
- On the Bowery.
You lived there?
We lived there, he lived there...
and his girlfriend used to come
and paint in a corner every day.
They had these unbelievable
screaming fights.
And I'd met them both
at a meditation conference...
so I found the whole thing very,
very un-Zen, if you know what I mean.
Mm-hmm.
Anyway, one day he came in...
and started screaming at her.
And he left.
And I walked over to her corner,
and she was crying and painting...
and painting while she was crying...
and I said, "Excuse me.
I hope you don't think
this is rude or forward...
but I overheard your fight...
and I think you were really right...
and he was really, really wrong. "
And from that point on
we became best friends.
- Who was Phil?
- Phil...
was a guy
who didn't like sex very much.
- Was he your boyfriend?
- Oh, no. Not really.
Seems like you had
sort of a lot of boyfriends.
I didn't at all.
I was just trying stuff out...
probably kind of like what you're doing.
I met up with that chef from work.
When?
Tonight.
What happened?
We had sex.
Where?
In this house?
No.
At his house?
No, he has a girlfriend.
- At a hotel?
- No. I wish.
- Where?
- I don't wanna say.
In the street?
No, worse than that.
What is worse than the street?
A pipe in the street.
Didn't you get cold?
Not really.
- Did you use protection?
- No.
Aura, I really, really
want you to be careful.
I'm really tired, Mom.
I just have to go to sleep.
Wanna sleep with me?
Yeah.
Why don't you shut off the light?
Do you hear that ticking sound?
A little bit, maybe.
I think it's the alarm clock.
You think you could move it?
Yeah, hold on a second.
I put it away.
I can still hear it.
Yeah, but only a little bit, right?
# Your old bedroom #
# Is just how you left it #
# It's here for you #
# When you come home #
# We are all over the place #
# We are restless #
# We will subdue
when you come home #
# You finish unpacking #
# We sit down together #
# But something's strange #
# The seats unhinge and rearrange #
# When you come home #
# You sweat soundly #
# The afternoon goes on #
# It's what we face #
# When you come home #
# Then in a flash you find yourself #
# Out on the streets
with no clothes on #
# You freeze in place #
# And then come home #
# A new kind of family
is breathing, sweetie #
# Shadows assume
in every corner of the room #
# When you come home #
# All I do is follow you around #
# And pick up all your dirty clothes #
# And do you think I'm made of money #
# And where do you think you're going #
# I will cave #
# And indulge your regression #
# When I don't want to sleep alone #
# And if you suddenly leave #
# I won't question #
# Just let me know
when you'll come home #
# You change the subject #
# And the friction gathers #
# We're close enough #
# We will incarcerate our love #
# When you come home ##