Tokyo Zance (2001) Movie Script
1
Executive Producer: Tsunku
Tokyo Zance
Directed by Takashi Matsuo
An Exceedingly Kind Country
Thank you for riding the Asakyu bus line.
This bus will stop at Otani.
Our final destination is Asagaya.
We will not stop at
the Ishimatsu Animal Hospital.
Please make sure you are
on the correct bus.
Please be so kind as to give
your seat to mothers with babies,
senior citizens or the disabled.
Refrain from using cell phones
so as not to bother fellow passengers.
Please keep an eye on your personal items.
Please refrain from carrying hazardous
materials on the bus.
What's next door having for dinner?
Then I realized he was a top gangster!
You're kidding!
I didn't know what to do.
Really?
A message from the
Keystone Police Station:
Walking in front of
the bus can be dangerous.
After exiting the bus,
use the pedestrian crossing.
Our excellent value bus
passes are now on sale.
Please ask service provider
for further details.
Next stop is Nekoya,
a bakery with 150 years of history.
Please push the button...
I want to get off here.
Wait for the bus to stop before alighting.
When exiting the bus,
please watch your step.
Driver.
This is the terminus?
Look, I told you before...
it's not up to me.
These constant,
meaningless announcements!
Why don't you take it up
with head office?
I'm pulling out now.
Please leave the bus.
I can't take it any more.
Ah, I see.
Surely you agree?
We don't need to be told
to press the buzzer.
Of course we'll grab the straps
if the bus sways.
And do we need those inane commercials
at every stop?
Yes, I see.
Theft is on the rise, be careful.
The same thing.
I've been riding your bus for 20 years.
Theft has never decreased!
If it's always rising,
more than half your passengers
must be thieves.
Are you hauling thieves?
Do we need crime statistics on
the way to work?
Robin Hood, are you?
NO!
We only have passenger safety in mind.
20 years of that message.
and still no decrease in thefts?
It's having zero effect!
The same messages, over and over
It's brainwashing.
It's noise pollution.
Environmental destruction.
So what are you suggesting that I do?
I like traveling by bus.
All I want is to feel good
when I'm riding on your bus.
Ah, I see.
It's our duty to ensure that
every passenger rides in comfort.
I'll call an emergency meeting
to address your concerns.
Great. Thank you.
We aim to please our loyal passengers.
I appreciate it.
I should have come to you long ago.
Where's my seat?
We have an announcement to make.
A customer has complained
about our announcements.
He finds them intrusive.
From now on,
they will be replaced by soothing music.
We hope you enjoy it.
Hello? What? No way!
No, this is a mistake.
It's like being in a coffee shop.
I didn't ask for this!
This will be good for the baby.
It's as bad as before.
There's this really creepy
old pervert on board.
You don't care for
Blue Danube Schmaltz?
It's the Blue Danube Waltz,
for god's sake
Is it really?
That's not what I meant.
I just wanted to enjoy riding the bus.
Hence the classical music.
There's no need to fill the void,
much less with music.
I want you to stop getting inside my head.
Announce the bus stops and forget the rest.
Understand?
Be reasonable.
You're obviously a disturbed man.
What's that?
Hello?
Please do not walk in the aisles
while the bus is in motion,
it is dangerous.
Our final stop is Asagaya.
What in hell are you doing?
Pull the bus over!
Help!
Oh, no.
It's a bus-jack!
Me, too.
Don't do that to me.
God no! I've got a family!
Thank you for riding the Asakyu bus line.
Remember, lethal weapons are prohibited.
Any passenger with a gun,
poisonous gas, or a deadly snake,
report to the driver immediately.
If there are any senior citizens
within arm's length,
please give them your seat.
Do it gracefully,
so as not to offend them.
That could lead to hurt feelings.
Inserting your wrist in the strap
could result in broken bones.
So please refrain.
If the bus begins to vibrate,
please chalk it up to a minor earthquake.
Don't apply makeup in a moving bus.
You could put an eye out
with your mascara.
Or end up with lipstick on your teeth.
If you use hair gel,
don't lean against the windows.
It leaves a nasty smear.
Passengers with foul breath,
shut your mouths.
And no nose-picking, please.
Giving birth on the bus,
or breeding, are both prohibited.
Well, everyone, have you had enough, yet?
Or do you want even more?
Do we really need a barrage of messages
spouting common sense and
tips on manners?
Japan is far too noisy.
And it's not just the buses.
Japan is inundated
with such announcements.
Please wait behind line 3.
We have to be told to wait?
Please stand to one side of the escalator.
Couldn't we function without them?
Welcome. Thank you.
Do we need talking machines?
IT Revolution?
It's a lot of nonsense!
The government too.
And that anti-drug poster.
Shoot hoops, not drugs.
How many junkies has it reformed?
Television's just as bad.
The same commercials over and over.
Do we need a laugh track on sitcoms?
To tell us when to laugh?
Why don't they let us decide things
for ourselves?
When I was young,
my parents taught me
to be responsible for myself.
Was that wrong?
How long has Japan been like this?
Japanese abroad are targets,
not just because they're rich.
No! We've gotten stupid from
being constantly told what to do
Theft is on the rise, be careful.
Only Japan has this
barrage of announcements.
Do you think it's thoughtfulness?
Or kindness?
Reporting live from Asagaya Station.
A deranged man is delivering a speech
from the top of a bus parked
in the station square.
After two hours,
he shows no sign of letting up.
He has made no demands.
His theme appears to be
anti-noise pollution.
It's not too late.
We can get it to change.
But you know why we won't?
No one has the guts to make a decision!
They're all too afraid,
they're covering their asses.
It's always somebody else's fault.
World War Il, swept under the rug.
Even on the bus,
we leave it to others.
Japan is a responsibility dodger.
Isn't time for us as a nation to grow up?
Won't you take charge of your own lives?
Thank you very much for your attention.
Think he likes going out?
Where are you headed?
City office.
The stop after next, right?
No, two stops after.
Yes, you're right. Sorry.
You can't rely on other people.
Directed by Naoko Nozawa
Tokyo Escalator
When you use the escalator,
hold onto the handrail.
Long time ago,
I was a famous singer.
My voice brought the world of tears.
But that's all in the past.
Now, no one listens to my songs.
Now, this is my stage.
Every day, morning and night,
I get on and off, on and off.
In my life, I have this,
just this.
But it's enough.
Recently, I keep having the same dream.
An escalator I've never seen.
The escalator of my dreams?
Welcome.
Where am I?
The Beta Performance Hall.
Beta?
Please, come this way.
The Wigs
Wig, a wig, a wigwigwig, wigwigwigwig
Hello, everyone. We're The Wigs.
What we mean is,
we've all got wigs.
And now, wig juggling.
Bald, bald, we are bald.
We're all cue balls now.
Smooth and round,
that's what we really are.
Wig, wig, wigwigwig
Now, wig music
Wait up! Will I be bald forever?
One's a cue ball but wig, wig, wig.
One's a baldie.
The Gays
Thank you, thank you.
As for introductions,
we're hard-core gay men.
Really macho, manly men.
Don't say macho, bitch!
Look, a tulip!
What I mean is, as hard-core gays,
we gotta try harder.
Macho! Macho!
Bitch, drop this macho shit!
Now here's a tulip!
You've got a great little asshole there.
I get it from my mom.
That ugly bitch?.
Don't trash a guy's mom. Macho man!
Ouch!
You're quite soft.
Yeah, you hit my colon.
The Animal Lovers
Deeper, deeper, the deeper the better.
Get it in me, go deeper, deeper.
I once...
I went and did it...with a camel!
He was a bit heavy.
But it felt so good...
I saw a mirage!
Just like a dream, sounds like a dream.
Now as for me, I did it with...
a dolphin, a bottle-nosed dolphin.
As we did it, we flew through space.
She did it with a dolphin.
And now me, I had my way with
a panda, me and a panda.
He munched away at my bamboo grass.
That's great, wasn't it great?
Oh, yes it was.
Animals, animals,
We're just ASPCA, animal-lovin' chicks.
Did you enjoy that?
Yes, it was fantastic.
So you won't mind living here, will you?
Live here? Me?
Me live here?
Hang on...
Help me...
Directed by Kelly Chen
The promise
Damn! I just re-changed it.
What did you write? Beat it!
I wanna be a basketball player.
I wanna be a piano teacher.
I wanna be a painter.
Here's a good place.
It's perfect.
Hey, listen up!
What?
Let's meet here 20 years from today.
Promise?
It's okay, I'm just looking for something.
I'm not trying to pick you up.
You're safe.
I was looking for someone.
Someone to talk to.
What were you looking for?
When I was 12,
we came here during spring break.
We wrote on the benches.
We made a promise to meet here today.
20 years. That must seem like
a lifetime ago.
No. It seems like yesterday.
You've got a good memory.
I only remembered it a little while ago.
Just by chance...
I guess if I were happy with my life,
I wouldn't remember stupid
childhood promises.
You're unhappy with your life?
No.
But it's like a loop,
the same thing every day.
Isn't this what you were looking for?
Where?
I'm gonna be an astronaut.
Don't read it.
About 20% of it came true, I guess.
One fifth?
I'm editor of a small science magazine.
How do black holes form?
Does Mars have air?
That's so cool.
Back then, the possibilities were infinite,
the sky the limit.
But before you know it you set off,
and somehow you get sidetracked,
and end up
nowhere near your goal.
Look what I found!
A confession of love for you!
No way!
It's true. Look!
I want to ride the Ferris Wheel
with Hidehiko again.
Really?
M.S.
Let's ride the Ferris Wheel.
Just like back then.
We each paired off with a girl.
I was so shy,
I couldn't even look at her.
What is it?
You're smiling.
No.
Wouldn't it be great if she did write that?
Why is that?
That'd mean she liked me.
But it's just silly puppy love.
But she was my first real love.
Really? What was she like?
Come on!
Her name was Miku Sugita.
She had a weak heart, though.
She didn't really stand out,
but she was always on my mind.
Would you still like to meet her, even now?
That's impossible.
Years later, I heard a rumor
that her heart gave out and
she had passed away.
You know the Big Dipper?
Yes, it's in Pleiades, right?
Yes, yes.
That's amazing.
That night we could six of
the stars and glimpses of the 7th.
It depends on the weather.
There's a legend about the 7th star.
Once,
a young star spied seven
orphans playing around a campfire.
So the star came down
and played with the children until dawn.
But even then,
they wanted to keep playing.
The star took them back to
the heavens and they became stars.
But eventually,
one of them began to get homesick,
and cried every night.
So even now, in Pleiades,
one star can sometimes be seen
and sometimes can't.
It's pining for its lost homeland.
Hidehiko, during that last vacation,
on the Ferris wheel,
you told me that story.
Remember, we promised. 20 years ago...
Hey guys!
Hey, Sato, right?
You did remember!
But what's the matter?
It was Hidehiko's idea, wasn't it?
Meeting here again, 20 years later.
What?
Let's meet here again.
20 years form today.
Promise?
That's right. Here we are.
Poor guy, what a way to go.
Mangled by a truck.
What? What are you talking about?
At least he died instantly.
That's the best way, right?
So that's one friend less.
Now do you remember?
Yes, I do.
You never forgot about me.
And they'll never forget about you.
Shall we go now?
Yes.
Enjoy life, you guys!
Oh!
What?
I thought I just heard Hidehiko's voice.
Knock it off, will ya?
That's impossible!
Maybe I just imagined it.
Anyway, the stars sure are beautiful tonight.
Directed by Shin Yamagishi
Tokyo Scale
Now isn't it a great view?
The public bath,
a wonderful place to relax
and wash away your troubles.
Particularly the women's public bath.
Women's public bath.
You don't see this in the men's bath.
But today,
I say goodbye to all of this.
Just thinking about leaving makes me sad.
They look so happy.
Who am I? I'm a scale.
I've worked in this women's
public bath house for 35 years now.
Stood upon by all sorts of women.
But all the generations,
are the same.
Always a balance of hope and dread.
Sorry dear, I'm no shrine.
But sometimes I can't help feeling like one.
Women, overcome with joy to lose a pound.
What's the big deal about gaining weight?
How I wanted to tell them that.
But a scale could never do that.
I guess my role is to reflect
a woman's pride.
Why?
Old and young woman,
so many for so long.
All things must come to an end.
It's great!
After 35 years,
my spring is just about worn out.
Heavy!
How're you doing?
How long are you gonna stand here?!
Come on, get off me!
Hello girls.
Hello.
This is Sanae.
Two of you?
Hello.
What a doll!
Ain't she?
She's welcome anytime.
Sure.
Here's the lockers.
So now you just need to sweat.
You haven't eaten since lunch yesterday.
Only two more kilos. Easy!
Soak and the sweat will poor out of you.
Sanae.
Lose two kilos by tonight? Impossible!
You promised you'd try.
You'll easily lose that much tonight.
C'mon, let's get in.
No need to lock it.
Really?
She's on a diet? Why?
I don't get it.
Look, she's got a great figure.
Why lose another two kilos?
Sanae.
Isn't she sweet?
I think it's first time here.
And my last day.
What's the connection, I wonder?
She must have a date tonight.
Her boyfriend wants her
to lose two kilos by tonight.
What an idiot.
He's a fool! Two kilos.
I wish there was something
I could do for her.
I know!
There is something I can do!
But can this rusty old body
put out two kilos of vertical resistance?
It'll probably destroy me,
but for her, I'll do it!
Hold on!
I did it.
No way!
Look.
I lost two kilos!
Congratulations!
Thank you!
It was nothing.
We did it together.
We should both be congratulated.
No matter which woman got on,
or how much they weighed,
I supposed them all equally.
That's been my pride, as a scale.
But today,
I don't want any other woman.
This girl's weight, 47 kilos,
I want to carry it with me,
as I go off into the sunset.
And then, I... I...
I've lost weight myself, recently.
I'll prove it.
W...Wait! You're not going to...
Stay back!
No way, am I 100 kilos!
It's busted.
Will I get like that?
Why did that fat ass have
to be the last one?
Never bounce on a scale.
Sanae, wait!
Sanae, stop! Wait!
What? What's wrong?
You!
Two kilos...
You were two kilos out!
Now I'll blow my modeling audition!
What audition? I had no idea!
Why do this to me?
Why didn't you weigh me properly?
It's your fault!
Sanae, let's go!
We'll get into trouble! Come on!
Come on!
We'll get into trouble! Come on!
I can't believe it. Why do this?
I destroyed that pretty girl's dream.
35 years as a scale
and it ends like this?
Please, no...!
Directed by Katsuhiko Hibino
Mr. Abe, apparently.
Mr. Matsumoto, apparently.
Mrs. Goto, apparently.
Mrs. Tsukuda, apparently.
Ms. Kusano, apparently.
Mr. Yamaguchi, apparently.
Ms. Ojima, apparently.
Mr. Sasaki, apparently.
Mrs. Ibo, apparently.
The "Apparently" Form
Set up the board.
First move, Pawn-2f.
Second move, Pawn-3d.
Pawn-5f.
Bishop-3c.
Silver-3h.
Silver-2b.
Silver-2g.
Bishop-4b.
A story about my grandpa.
Where shall we go?
Four eyelids.
Where shall we go?
An eyelid above his right eye.
An eyelid below his right eye.
An eyelid above his left eye.
An eyelid below his left eye.
What? What?
Four sets of eyelashes.
Eyelashes at the top of his right eye.
Eyelashes at the bottom of his right eye.
Eyelashes at the top of his left eye.
Eyelashes at the bottom of his left eye.
Found something ahead.
It's moving.
Searching for password.
Password incomplete.
Warning.
Warning.
Change course.
Change course.
Still heading directly for us.
Communications are dead.
Alert all entryways.
Seal the doors.
Repeat. Seal the doors.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
Only ever being in your room,
You lose your sense of perspective.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
If you lose all sense of perspective,
you won't be able to use the stairs.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
If you can't use the stairs,
you can't see what's over there.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
If you can't see what's over there,
now loses all meaning.
A story about my grandma.
Six part of the ears.
A right outer ear.
A right middle ear.
And a right inner ear.
And left inner ear.
And left middle ear.
And a left outer ear.
Four part of the nose.
A right outer nasal passage.
And a left outer nasal passage.
A right inner nasal passage.
And a left nasal passage.
The radar doesn't perceive anything.
Should we expand the perimeter?
How far should we increase the range?
Sweep the area one more time.
Find it.
Find it.
Don't miss any signals.
Grandma.
Grandma.
Did you want to see over there?
To find some meaning.
Grandma.
Grandma
Grandma.
Did you want to see over there?
So you wanted to use the stairs?
Grandma.
Grandma.
Grandma.
Did you want to use the stairs?
Not to lose your sense of perspective.
You don't want to lose
the distance between you and the others.
Four eyelids, four sets of eyelashes.
Directed by Takanori Jinnai
This is my father's back.
My father is the president of
Samejima Enterprises.
Once, I asked him what kind of
work he did.
He told me was computer-related.
But that's a lie.
You jerk!
Give the bastard a concrete overcoat!
No goddamn cop is going to do that to me.
That's hot!
I'm burning!
Stop blowing on it, it catches fire!
I'll kill you bastards!
Listen, son.
You'll be happy to hear...
I've prepared a secret weapon.
The race, of course! Did you forget?
Track and Field Day?
You listening?
Don't let that jackass beat you.
Sakurada, of course!
The cop's brat!
Don't stand there like a dummy.
Move it.
Yeah, what?
On your way home, are you?
And don't you dawdle on the way.
Inspector,
she said she works in a girlie bar.
You met her there, in Roppongi.
She said you promised her
some promotional gifts.
I'll be late home tonight.
Fix your own dinner.
Certainly, no problem.
Very good.
By the way, are you trial test results in yet?
You what?!
That is unacceptable!
You failed your first grade
school entrance exam.
Now you're falling behind in class
This is your last chance.
You'd better face up to it.
All Sahurada men
are Tokyo u graduates and career officials.
My father was Chief of Police,
then Minister of Justice.
His blood flows in your veins.
If you are accepted into a top high school,
It's like I always say, Yuki,
in class, or on the field,
coming first is everything!
You got that, boy?
Now I'm ready. Come and get me!
Next!
It's painful.
But I know it.
Dad graduated from
the great Tokyo University,
OK, show him your stuff.
I'm Kameyama!
Japan's number one!
A perfect ten!
He's an Olympic tumbler,
silver medal list.
That's what you call a light-fingered crook.
Go on, don't be shy.
Lift those knees higher!
Swing those arms!
Watch the horse shit.
I stepped in it! Go! Go!
Go for it! Run!
If I win, will you buy me a scooter?
You win and I'll buy you a Mercedes Benz.
But if you lose to that goddamn cop's brat,
I'll pluck out your eyebrows.
Don't you dare lose!
Win, boy.
Win!
Win!
Rikiya, this will make a man out of you.
If you don't, my life is at stake!
Do whatever it takes.
Elbow the other guy in the chest,
or stomp on his foot.
How about goosing him good?
Get right behind him and zap!
That'll throw him.
Zap!
The enema goose!
Rikiya, try to finish off with a snap.
Now try this.
Go!
Goose enema!
You did it!
This is your last chance.
Only two schools are worth entering.
Like I always say, boy,
coming first is everything!
You got that?
Your mother is keeping
a close eye on you from heaven.
If you think this is funny, go ahead, laugh.
What's your first pick?
First pick for what?
High school. Which school for you?
A public school.
Not a private school?
Not at all.
Nozomi, wait!
Track and Field Day.
The son of a gangster and the son of a cop.
Our first battle took place at school,
under their watchful eyes.
Back off you parasitic assholes!
Next, the sixth-grade race.
Good luck, everyone!
These seats are reserved for
prominent guests.
Up yours, asshole.
I could buy and sell you twice over.
Mom, there's a seat here. Over here.
Do you mind?
Please.
Get in line, stay in place.
Your moms are watching.
Get back in line.
C'mon, everybody in line.
On your marks...
Get set...
This way, please.
You idiot!
That's the way, boy.
What are you doing?
I arrest you for carrying
a dangerous weapon.
The goose!
Enema goose!
I'll buy you anything you want!
If you don't win,
I'll chew your eyebrows off!
Go!
Running Free
Directed by Kazuna lida
Closed for the day
What's the matter?
Are you there, Tomiko?
Pickled plums...
The very heart and essence of Japan.
Here's the Shrine of the Plum Baby.
Two towns away, to the east.
And we can get pickled plums there?
That's what Tomiko said.
It'd take us three days to walk there.
But with the machines.
we could be back by lunch tomorrow.
Let's go!
All for lunch!
And all for Tomiko!
Tornado!
Hey, Oto! Gen! Yankee!
Executive Producer: Tsunku
Tokyo Zance
Directed by Takashi Matsuo
An Exceedingly Kind Country
Thank you for riding the Asakyu bus line.
This bus will stop at Otani.
Our final destination is Asagaya.
We will not stop at
the Ishimatsu Animal Hospital.
Please make sure you are
on the correct bus.
Please be so kind as to give
your seat to mothers with babies,
senior citizens or the disabled.
Refrain from using cell phones
so as not to bother fellow passengers.
Please keep an eye on your personal items.
Please refrain from carrying hazardous
materials on the bus.
What's next door having for dinner?
Then I realized he was a top gangster!
You're kidding!
I didn't know what to do.
Really?
A message from the
Keystone Police Station:
Walking in front of
the bus can be dangerous.
After exiting the bus,
use the pedestrian crossing.
Our excellent value bus
passes are now on sale.
Please ask service provider
for further details.
Next stop is Nekoya,
a bakery with 150 years of history.
Please push the button...
I want to get off here.
Wait for the bus to stop before alighting.
When exiting the bus,
please watch your step.
Driver.
This is the terminus?
Look, I told you before...
it's not up to me.
These constant,
meaningless announcements!
Why don't you take it up
with head office?
I'm pulling out now.
Please leave the bus.
I can't take it any more.
Ah, I see.
Surely you agree?
We don't need to be told
to press the buzzer.
Of course we'll grab the straps
if the bus sways.
And do we need those inane commercials
at every stop?
Yes, I see.
Theft is on the rise, be careful.
The same thing.
I've been riding your bus for 20 years.
Theft has never decreased!
If it's always rising,
more than half your passengers
must be thieves.
Are you hauling thieves?
Do we need crime statistics on
the way to work?
Robin Hood, are you?
NO!
We only have passenger safety in mind.
20 years of that message.
and still no decrease in thefts?
It's having zero effect!
The same messages, over and over
It's brainwashing.
It's noise pollution.
Environmental destruction.
So what are you suggesting that I do?
I like traveling by bus.
All I want is to feel good
when I'm riding on your bus.
Ah, I see.
It's our duty to ensure that
every passenger rides in comfort.
I'll call an emergency meeting
to address your concerns.
Great. Thank you.
We aim to please our loyal passengers.
I appreciate it.
I should have come to you long ago.
Where's my seat?
We have an announcement to make.
A customer has complained
about our announcements.
He finds them intrusive.
From now on,
they will be replaced by soothing music.
We hope you enjoy it.
Hello? What? No way!
No, this is a mistake.
It's like being in a coffee shop.
I didn't ask for this!
This will be good for the baby.
It's as bad as before.
There's this really creepy
old pervert on board.
You don't care for
Blue Danube Schmaltz?
It's the Blue Danube Waltz,
for god's sake
Is it really?
That's not what I meant.
I just wanted to enjoy riding the bus.
Hence the classical music.
There's no need to fill the void,
much less with music.
I want you to stop getting inside my head.
Announce the bus stops and forget the rest.
Understand?
Be reasonable.
You're obviously a disturbed man.
What's that?
Hello?
Please do not walk in the aisles
while the bus is in motion,
it is dangerous.
Our final stop is Asagaya.
What in hell are you doing?
Pull the bus over!
Help!
Oh, no.
It's a bus-jack!
Me, too.
Don't do that to me.
God no! I've got a family!
Thank you for riding the Asakyu bus line.
Remember, lethal weapons are prohibited.
Any passenger with a gun,
poisonous gas, or a deadly snake,
report to the driver immediately.
If there are any senior citizens
within arm's length,
please give them your seat.
Do it gracefully,
so as not to offend them.
That could lead to hurt feelings.
Inserting your wrist in the strap
could result in broken bones.
So please refrain.
If the bus begins to vibrate,
please chalk it up to a minor earthquake.
Don't apply makeup in a moving bus.
You could put an eye out
with your mascara.
Or end up with lipstick on your teeth.
If you use hair gel,
don't lean against the windows.
It leaves a nasty smear.
Passengers with foul breath,
shut your mouths.
And no nose-picking, please.
Giving birth on the bus,
or breeding, are both prohibited.
Well, everyone, have you had enough, yet?
Or do you want even more?
Do we really need a barrage of messages
spouting common sense and
tips on manners?
Japan is far too noisy.
And it's not just the buses.
Japan is inundated
with such announcements.
Please wait behind line 3.
We have to be told to wait?
Please stand to one side of the escalator.
Couldn't we function without them?
Welcome. Thank you.
Do we need talking machines?
IT Revolution?
It's a lot of nonsense!
The government too.
And that anti-drug poster.
Shoot hoops, not drugs.
How many junkies has it reformed?
Television's just as bad.
The same commercials over and over.
Do we need a laugh track on sitcoms?
To tell us when to laugh?
Why don't they let us decide things
for ourselves?
When I was young,
my parents taught me
to be responsible for myself.
Was that wrong?
How long has Japan been like this?
Japanese abroad are targets,
not just because they're rich.
No! We've gotten stupid from
being constantly told what to do
Theft is on the rise, be careful.
Only Japan has this
barrage of announcements.
Do you think it's thoughtfulness?
Or kindness?
Reporting live from Asagaya Station.
A deranged man is delivering a speech
from the top of a bus parked
in the station square.
After two hours,
he shows no sign of letting up.
He has made no demands.
His theme appears to be
anti-noise pollution.
It's not too late.
We can get it to change.
But you know why we won't?
No one has the guts to make a decision!
They're all too afraid,
they're covering their asses.
It's always somebody else's fault.
World War Il, swept under the rug.
Even on the bus,
we leave it to others.
Japan is a responsibility dodger.
Isn't time for us as a nation to grow up?
Won't you take charge of your own lives?
Thank you very much for your attention.
Think he likes going out?
Where are you headed?
City office.
The stop after next, right?
No, two stops after.
Yes, you're right. Sorry.
You can't rely on other people.
Directed by Naoko Nozawa
Tokyo Escalator
When you use the escalator,
hold onto the handrail.
Long time ago,
I was a famous singer.
My voice brought the world of tears.
But that's all in the past.
Now, no one listens to my songs.
Now, this is my stage.
Every day, morning and night,
I get on and off, on and off.
In my life, I have this,
just this.
But it's enough.
Recently, I keep having the same dream.
An escalator I've never seen.
The escalator of my dreams?
Welcome.
Where am I?
The Beta Performance Hall.
Beta?
Please, come this way.
The Wigs
Wig, a wig, a wigwigwig, wigwigwigwig
Hello, everyone. We're The Wigs.
What we mean is,
we've all got wigs.
And now, wig juggling.
Bald, bald, we are bald.
We're all cue balls now.
Smooth and round,
that's what we really are.
Wig, wig, wigwigwig
Now, wig music
Wait up! Will I be bald forever?
One's a cue ball but wig, wig, wig.
One's a baldie.
The Gays
Thank you, thank you.
As for introductions,
we're hard-core gay men.
Really macho, manly men.
Don't say macho, bitch!
Look, a tulip!
What I mean is, as hard-core gays,
we gotta try harder.
Macho! Macho!
Bitch, drop this macho shit!
Now here's a tulip!
You've got a great little asshole there.
I get it from my mom.
That ugly bitch?.
Don't trash a guy's mom. Macho man!
Ouch!
You're quite soft.
Yeah, you hit my colon.
The Animal Lovers
Deeper, deeper, the deeper the better.
Get it in me, go deeper, deeper.
I once...
I went and did it...with a camel!
He was a bit heavy.
But it felt so good...
I saw a mirage!
Just like a dream, sounds like a dream.
Now as for me, I did it with...
a dolphin, a bottle-nosed dolphin.
As we did it, we flew through space.
She did it with a dolphin.
And now me, I had my way with
a panda, me and a panda.
He munched away at my bamboo grass.
That's great, wasn't it great?
Oh, yes it was.
Animals, animals,
We're just ASPCA, animal-lovin' chicks.
Did you enjoy that?
Yes, it was fantastic.
So you won't mind living here, will you?
Live here? Me?
Me live here?
Hang on...
Help me...
Directed by Kelly Chen
The promise
Damn! I just re-changed it.
What did you write? Beat it!
I wanna be a basketball player.
I wanna be a piano teacher.
I wanna be a painter.
Here's a good place.
It's perfect.
Hey, listen up!
What?
Let's meet here 20 years from today.
Promise?
It's okay, I'm just looking for something.
I'm not trying to pick you up.
You're safe.
I was looking for someone.
Someone to talk to.
What were you looking for?
When I was 12,
we came here during spring break.
We wrote on the benches.
We made a promise to meet here today.
20 years. That must seem like
a lifetime ago.
No. It seems like yesterday.
You've got a good memory.
I only remembered it a little while ago.
Just by chance...
I guess if I were happy with my life,
I wouldn't remember stupid
childhood promises.
You're unhappy with your life?
No.
But it's like a loop,
the same thing every day.
Isn't this what you were looking for?
Where?
I'm gonna be an astronaut.
Don't read it.
About 20% of it came true, I guess.
One fifth?
I'm editor of a small science magazine.
How do black holes form?
Does Mars have air?
That's so cool.
Back then, the possibilities were infinite,
the sky the limit.
But before you know it you set off,
and somehow you get sidetracked,
and end up
nowhere near your goal.
Look what I found!
A confession of love for you!
No way!
It's true. Look!
I want to ride the Ferris Wheel
with Hidehiko again.
Really?
M.S.
Let's ride the Ferris Wheel.
Just like back then.
We each paired off with a girl.
I was so shy,
I couldn't even look at her.
What is it?
You're smiling.
No.
Wouldn't it be great if she did write that?
Why is that?
That'd mean she liked me.
But it's just silly puppy love.
But she was my first real love.
Really? What was she like?
Come on!
Her name was Miku Sugita.
She had a weak heart, though.
She didn't really stand out,
but she was always on my mind.
Would you still like to meet her, even now?
That's impossible.
Years later, I heard a rumor
that her heart gave out and
she had passed away.
You know the Big Dipper?
Yes, it's in Pleiades, right?
Yes, yes.
That's amazing.
That night we could six of
the stars and glimpses of the 7th.
It depends on the weather.
There's a legend about the 7th star.
Once,
a young star spied seven
orphans playing around a campfire.
So the star came down
and played with the children until dawn.
But even then,
they wanted to keep playing.
The star took them back to
the heavens and they became stars.
But eventually,
one of them began to get homesick,
and cried every night.
So even now, in Pleiades,
one star can sometimes be seen
and sometimes can't.
It's pining for its lost homeland.
Hidehiko, during that last vacation,
on the Ferris wheel,
you told me that story.
Remember, we promised. 20 years ago...
Hey guys!
Hey, Sato, right?
You did remember!
But what's the matter?
It was Hidehiko's idea, wasn't it?
Meeting here again, 20 years later.
What?
Let's meet here again.
20 years form today.
Promise?
That's right. Here we are.
Poor guy, what a way to go.
Mangled by a truck.
What? What are you talking about?
At least he died instantly.
That's the best way, right?
So that's one friend less.
Now do you remember?
Yes, I do.
You never forgot about me.
And they'll never forget about you.
Shall we go now?
Yes.
Enjoy life, you guys!
Oh!
What?
I thought I just heard Hidehiko's voice.
Knock it off, will ya?
That's impossible!
Maybe I just imagined it.
Anyway, the stars sure are beautiful tonight.
Directed by Shin Yamagishi
Tokyo Scale
Now isn't it a great view?
The public bath,
a wonderful place to relax
and wash away your troubles.
Particularly the women's public bath.
Women's public bath.
You don't see this in the men's bath.
But today,
I say goodbye to all of this.
Just thinking about leaving makes me sad.
They look so happy.
Who am I? I'm a scale.
I've worked in this women's
public bath house for 35 years now.
Stood upon by all sorts of women.
But all the generations,
are the same.
Always a balance of hope and dread.
Sorry dear, I'm no shrine.
But sometimes I can't help feeling like one.
Women, overcome with joy to lose a pound.
What's the big deal about gaining weight?
How I wanted to tell them that.
But a scale could never do that.
I guess my role is to reflect
a woman's pride.
Why?
Old and young woman,
so many for so long.
All things must come to an end.
It's great!
After 35 years,
my spring is just about worn out.
Heavy!
How're you doing?
How long are you gonna stand here?!
Come on, get off me!
Hello girls.
Hello.
This is Sanae.
Two of you?
Hello.
What a doll!
Ain't she?
She's welcome anytime.
Sure.
Here's the lockers.
So now you just need to sweat.
You haven't eaten since lunch yesterday.
Only two more kilos. Easy!
Soak and the sweat will poor out of you.
Sanae.
Lose two kilos by tonight? Impossible!
You promised you'd try.
You'll easily lose that much tonight.
C'mon, let's get in.
No need to lock it.
Really?
She's on a diet? Why?
I don't get it.
Look, she's got a great figure.
Why lose another two kilos?
Sanae.
Isn't she sweet?
I think it's first time here.
And my last day.
What's the connection, I wonder?
She must have a date tonight.
Her boyfriend wants her
to lose two kilos by tonight.
What an idiot.
He's a fool! Two kilos.
I wish there was something
I could do for her.
I know!
There is something I can do!
But can this rusty old body
put out two kilos of vertical resistance?
It'll probably destroy me,
but for her, I'll do it!
Hold on!
I did it.
No way!
Look.
I lost two kilos!
Congratulations!
Thank you!
It was nothing.
We did it together.
We should both be congratulated.
No matter which woman got on,
or how much they weighed,
I supposed them all equally.
That's been my pride, as a scale.
But today,
I don't want any other woman.
This girl's weight, 47 kilos,
I want to carry it with me,
as I go off into the sunset.
And then, I... I...
I've lost weight myself, recently.
I'll prove it.
W...Wait! You're not going to...
Stay back!
No way, am I 100 kilos!
It's busted.
Will I get like that?
Why did that fat ass have
to be the last one?
Never bounce on a scale.
Sanae, wait!
Sanae, stop! Wait!
What? What's wrong?
You!
Two kilos...
You were two kilos out!
Now I'll blow my modeling audition!
What audition? I had no idea!
Why do this to me?
Why didn't you weigh me properly?
It's your fault!
Sanae, let's go!
We'll get into trouble! Come on!
Come on!
We'll get into trouble! Come on!
I can't believe it. Why do this?
I destroyed that pretty girl's dream.
35 years as a scale
and it ends like this?
Please, no...!
Directed by Katsuhiko Hibino
Mr. Abe, apparently.
Mr. Matsumoto, apparently.
Mrs. Goto, apparently.
Mrs. Tsukuda, apparently.
Ms. Kusano, apparently.
Mr. Yamaguchi, apparently.
Ms. Ojima, apparently.
Mr. Sasaki, apparently.
Mrs. Ibo, apparently.
The "Apparently" Form
Set up the board.
First move, Pawn-2f.
Second move, Pawn-3d.
Pawn-5f.
Bishop-3c.
Silver-3h.
Silver-2b.
Silver-2g.
Bishop-4b.
A story about my grandpa.
Where shall we go?
Four eyelids.
Where shall we go?
An eyelid above his right eye.
An eyelid below his right eye.
An eyelid above his left eye.
An eyelid below his left eye.
What? What?
Four sets of eyelashes.
Eyelashes at the top of his right eye.
Eyelashes at the bottom of his right eye.
Eyelashes at the top of his left eye.
Eyelashes at the bottom of his left eye.
Found something ahead.
It's moving.
Searching for password.
Password incomplete.
Warning.
Warning.
Change course.
Change course.
Still heading directly for us.
Communications are dead.
Alert all entryways.
Seal the doors.
Repeat. Seal the doors.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
Only ever being in your room,
You lose your sense of perspective.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
If you lose all sense of perspective,
you won't be able to use the stairs.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
If you can't use the stairs,
you can't see what's over there.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
Grandpa.
If you can't see what's over there,
now loses all meaning.
A story about my grandma.
Six part of the ears.
A right outer ear.
A right middle ear.
And a right inner ear.
And left inner ear.
And left middle ear.
And a left outer ear.
Four part of the nose.
A right outer nasal passage.
And a left outer nasal passage.
A right inner nasal passage.
And a left nasal passage.
The radar doesn't perceive anything.
Should we expand the perimeter?
How far should we increase the range?
Sweep the area one more time.
Find it.
Find it.
Don't miss any signals.
Grandma.
Grandma.
Did you want to see over there?
To find some meaning.
Grandma.
Grandma
Grandma.
Did you want to see over there?
So you wanted to use the stairs?
Grandma.
Grandma.
Grandma.
Did you want to use the stairs?
Not to lose your sense of perspective.
You don't want to lose
the distance between you and the others.
Four eyelids, four sets of eyelashes.
Directed by Takanori Jinnai
This is my father's back.
My father is the president of
Samejima Enterprises.
Once, I asked him what kind of
work he did.
He told me was computer-related.
But that's a lie.
You jerk!
Give the bastard a concrete overcoat!
No goddamn cop is going to do that to me.
That's hot!
I'm burning!
Stop blowing on it, it catches fire!
I'll kill you bastards!
Listen, son.
You'll be happy to hear...
I've prepared a secret weapon.
The race, of course! Did you forget?
Track and Field Day?
You listening?
Don't let that jackass beat you.
Sakurada, of course!
The cop's brat!
Don't stand there like a dummy.
Move it.
Yeah, what?
On your way home, are you?
And don't you dawdle on the way.
Inspector,
she said she works in a girlie bar.
You met her there, in Roppongi.
She said you promised her
some promotional gifts.
I'll be late home tonight.
Fix your own dinner.
Certainly, no problem.
Very good.
By the way, are you trial test results in yet?
You what?!
That is unacceptable!
You failed your first grade
school entrance exam.
Now you're falling behind in class
This is your last chance.
You'd better face up to it.
All Sahurada men
are Tokyo u graduates and career officials.
My father was Chief of Police,
then Minister of Justice.
His blood flows in your veins.
If you are accepted into a top high school,
It's like I always say, Yuki,
in class, or on the field,
coming first is everything!
You got that, boy?
Now I'm ready. Come and get me!
Next!
It's painful.
But I know it.
Dad graduated from
the great Tokyo University,
OK, show him your stuff.
I'm Kameyama!
Japan's number one!
A perfect ten!
He's an Olympic tumbler,
silver medal list.
That's what you call a light-fingered crook.
Go on, don't be shy.
Lift those knees higher!
Swing those arms!
Watch the horse shit.
I stepped in it! Go! Go!
Go for it! Run!
If I win, will you buy me a scooter?
You win and I'll buy you a Mercedes Benz.
But if you lose to that goddamn cop's brat,
I'll pluck out your eyebrows.
Don't you dare lose!
Win, boy.
Win!
Win!
Rikiya, this will make a man out of you.
If you don't, my life is at stake!
Do whatever it takes.
Elbow the other guy in the chest,
or stomp on his foot.
How about goosing him good?
Get right behind him and zap!
That'll throw him.
Zap!
The enema goose!
Rikiya, try to finish off with a snap.
Now try this.
Go!
Goose enema!
You did it!
This is your last chance.
Only two schools are worth entering.
Like I always say, boy,
coming first is everything!
You got that?
Your mother is keeping
a close eye on you from heaven.
If you think this is funny, go ahead, laugh.
What's your first pick?
First pick for what?
High school. Which school for you?
A public school.
Not a private school?
Not at all.
Nozomi, wait!
Track and Field Day.
The son of a gangster and the son of a cop.
Our first battle took place at school,
under their watchful eyes.
Back off you parasitic assholes!
Next, the sixth-grade race.
Good luck, everyone!
These seats are reserved for
prominent guests.
Up yours, asshole.
I could buy and sell you twice over.
Mom, there's a seat here. Over here.
Do you mind?
Please.
Get in line, stay in place.
Your moms are watching.
Get back in line.
C'mon, everybody in line.
On your marks...
Get set...
This way, please.
You idiot!
That's the way, boy.
What are you doing?
I arrest you for carrying
a dangerous weapon.
The goose!
Enema goose!
I'll buy you anything you want!
If you don't win,
I'll chew your eyebrows off!
Go!
Running Free
Directed by Kazuna lida
Closed for the day
What's the matter?
Are you there, Tomiko?
Pickled plums...
The very heart and essence of Japan.
Here's the Shrine of the Plum Baby.
Two towns away, to the east.
And we can get pickled plums there?
That's what Tomiko said.
It'd take us three days to walk there.
But with the machines.
we could be back by lunch tomorrow.
Let's go!
All for lunch!
And all for Tomiko!
Tornado!
Hey, Oto! Gen! Yankee!