Top End Wedding (2019) Movie Script
(MAN SPEAKS TIWI)
MAN: It's a beautiful day
for these two young people
to get married.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
WOMAN: Daphne!
Daphne! (SPEAKS TIWI)
(PANTS)
Oh! Oh!
(DISTANT VOICES APPROACH)
WOMAN: Daphne! (SPEAKS TIWI)
(ALL YELL)
(YELLING VOICES APPROACH)
SONG: Three, six, nine
The goose drank wine
The monkey chew tobacco
on the streetcar line
The line broke,
the monkey got choked
And they all went to heaven
in a little rowboat
Clap, pat, clap, pat
Clap, pat, clap, slap
Clap, pat
Clap your hands
Pat it on your partner's hand
Right hand
Clap, pat
Clap your hands
Cross it with your left arm
Pat your partner's left palm
Left palm
Clap, clap
Clap your hands,
pat your partner's right palm
With your right palm again
Clap, slap
Clap your hands
Slap your thighs
And sing a little song, go
My mother told me
My mama told me
If I was goody
If I was goody
(SONG CONTINUES AS RINGTONE)
That she would buy me
A rubber dolly...
Not now. (SIGHS)
That'll help.
(GROANS)
Bugger!
(SIGHS)
- You ready?
- Oh! Hampton!
Uh, of course.
HAMPTON: Like that confidence.
Keep that.
Actually, I'm kinda
freaking out.
Lauren, I'm not gonna tell you
you'll be fine. I'm not your...
- Mother. I know.
- Really?
Because right now, you are
acting like the girlie-girl
who doesn't want to wear
her big-girl pants.
I want to wear
the big-girl pants. I do.
Good.
Hide the heel,
brush down your collar,
and for Pete's sake,
don't let them see the feet.
Were you serious
about our deal?
Have you ever known me
not to be serious?
MAN: Really? Now we're
prosecuting old ladies?
What's next, sick babies?
MAN 2: Shoplifting's
a serious crime, Ned.
NED: Oh, yeah,
real life-and-death stuff.
What did she steal?
Incontinence pads?
(CHUCKLES) Exactly.
- Really?
- Two boxes.
Oh! Two boxes! Well, then!
On eight separate occasions.
Wow. That's
a very leaky bladder.
Regardless, can we just
let her have them?
Excuse me?
When she needs to go,
she needs to go.
Then she needs to pay for them.
You really want to take her
to court, don't you?
I want you to take her
to court, Ned.
That's your job.
(SOBS)
Would you like some tissues,
Mrs Ruthers?
No, no, no. T-tissues
for the eyes, not for down...
..your...leaky bladder.
(MRS RUTHERS SOBS)
(GROANS)
- Case dismissed.
- (CHOKES)
- I dismiss. You can't dismiss!
- I just did.
- Did he?
- No.
- You can't say that! She does!
- I just said that!
The charges are dropped. You
can go home now, Mrs Ruthers.
You can't do that!
She says that!
Yes, I can!
- Can I?
- Um...I...
No! The answer is no!
My office.
- Sugar?
- No, thank you.
Actually, yes, please.
Actually, no.
No, I'm gonna be good.
You know why
your dad was a great lawyer?
He used to come into
my courtroom in odd socks,
shirt inside out,
notes written on napkins.
He was the best because
he knew why he was doing it.
We only get one shot at this.
Don't waste it turning
my courtroom into a shambles.
C'tait superbe
de faire votre connaissance.
- Au revoir, madame.
- bientt.
Au revoir, messieurs!
Bonne journe!
- (SIGHS)
- You know what this means?
- I got the...
- You have to work nights.
Right, of course.
But...I'm an associate?
That was the deal.
(SQUEALS)
S-sorry.
Got another pair, so...
NED: I've had
a pretty important day, babe.
I've got some big news.
- I quit my job.
- (WHIMPERS)
Don't hate me.
(WHINES)
That's not helpful.
OK, let's try this hand first.
Will you marry me?
(WHIMPERS)
Yeah, let's go with
that one first, shall we?
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Shit! Uh...
- I have to tell you something!
- I have to ask you something.
You first.
No, go on.
OK.
So, today,
I met some French
businessmen...
Marry me?
Yes!
Bloody yes!
SONG: What you find
I think I love you
What you feel now
I feel I need you
What you know
(PHONE BUZZES)
To be real, yeah
Ooh, yeah...
- (CORK POPS)
- (LAUREN SQUEALS)
- NED: Wahey!
- (LAUGHS)
Hey, so, tell me your news.
I made associate!
That's great!
Oh, hold on a second.
Does that mean you're
stuck with Cruella de Vil?
- Would that be so bad?
- Uh, yes.
Why? Because
she's a powerful woman?
Are you kidding me?
I love powerful women.
I just don't think
they all need
a secret lair
and a hairless cat.
She doesn't have a secret lair.
She has a hairless cat, Lauren.
I've seen it. It's disgusting!
- Oh, OK. OK.
- Hey, no.
Let me raise a glass.
You deserve this.
Thank you.
Now, there is one little
proposal disclaimer.
If we're gonna get married...
..let's just do it
straightaway, yeah?
None of this
year-long engagement crap.
"Engagement crap"?
How romantic.
No, all I'm saying is...
the sooner, the better.
The next few months are good.
I've got, um...a work window.
What work window?
Oh, no, I just got given
a short, um... (CLEARS THROAT)
..bonus...hiatus thingy
after winning the old lady
her freedom for her.
(PHONE BUZZES, PLAYS 'TREATY')
- Oh! No, no, no, no, no!
- You're kidding me!
No, no. Hey, hey, hey!
Give it back.
- Does she ever go home?
- (LAUGHS) Come on.
Hi.
Oh. Now?
U-um...sure.
I'll be on my way.
Yep, I've got that.
Yes.
No, no, I'm just...I'm just...
No, it's Ned. Not Fred.
I'm not far away.
OK. I'll see you soon.
- Bye.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
I quit my job!
RINGTONE: My mother told me
My mama told me
If I was goody
If I was goo...
Sorry.
(SIGHS WEARILY)
(PHONE DINGS)
Sorry. Again.
Are you stoned?
Whoa! What? No!
- Your eyes are all bloodshot.
- It's 4am.
Am I keeping you?
- No, I just...
- (DESK WHIRRS)
- Oh, w-we're going down now?
- Come on.
Out with it.
A ballerina cannot pirouette
with a carrot up her backside.
I-I don't know what that means.
You've got to remove
that carrot.
If you don't, then I will,
and believe me...
It's Ned.
Ah.
The carrot...
..has a name.
We just got engaged, see?
And I should be excited,
but he said this thing
about getting married
before the promotion kicks in,
but I don't know
what the rush is...
- His gumnuts are shrinking.
- Excuse me?
You're gonna be making
more money than he does
and he can feel it
in his little gumnuts,
and he does not like it.
I don't think there's anything
wrong with his gumnuts.
He wants to close the deal
before it's too late.
The deal?
Lauren.
Do you want to marry him
or not?
I really do.
But he's just so...
At Hampton and Associates,
when we have a problem
to solve, what do we do?
Solve it?
Step it out.
- Whoa!
- MACHINE: Incline.
I haven't been coaching you
for five years
to lose you to some
domestic twaddle.
Thigh burner.
Mind you...
..some clients,
they like a married lawyer.
They're not gonna get that
from me.
I'll give you 10 days without
pay, then you're back to work.
- Deal?
- Deal.
Good.
- Cool down.
- Stop this.
Leave it. Go home.
- Thank you!
- Goodbye.
10 days.
- NED: 10 days?
- LAUREN: Yep.
So, quickly, get dressed.
I meant the next few months,
not the next few days!
I called your brother. He's
taking us to the airport in 20.
The airport? Lauren!
I always imagined
getting married back home.
You want to fly to Darwin
today?
Are you having second thoughts?
No. No, I want to get married.
To you, specifically.
I just don't get the bit
about Darwin and today.
- What's the rush?
- We can talk on the plane.
You've never even
taken me up there.
You never even talk about home.
Now, all of a sudden,
you want to go up there?
Yes. I know it doesn't make
sense, but it feels right.
Our parents will get to meet.
It'll be perfect.
(SIGHS) Lauren,
this is all very confusing.
I know I'm coming across
unhinged,
but something tells me
that if I don't get married
back up home,
I'll always regret it.
I've always been able
to see it.
Both my parents
walking me down the aisle.
My old girlfriends
all dressed up.
The Darwin heat. The air.
I just can't imagine it
anywhere else.
NED: Have you got
his flea treatment?
- LAUREN: Yep.
- Yeah?
And his brush? We want him
looking good for the wedding.
- Uh-huh.
- Both leashes?
Ned, whatever you've told me to
pack for Cher, I've packed it.
- OK.
- WOMAN: Right, out with it.
How far along?
When are you due?
Hello, Mother.
- She's not pregnant, Mother.
- What tosh!
No-one gets married this quickly
unless there's a baby
on the way.
- Morning, Lauren.
- Morning, Robbie.
So, are you gonna
find out the sex
or you gonna wait
for it to be a surprise?
You're making this wedding
all about you.
What about me?
We're just meant to drop
everything and fly to Darwin!
It's important to Lauren. It...
It's important to both of us
that we get married in Darwin.
I thought you were from
the Tiwi Islands.
Mum's from the Tiwi Islands.
I grew up in Darwin.
So, what are we talking?
Are we talking...
..didgeridoos
and tribal dancing?
- Face paint?
- NED AND ROBBIE: Mum!
I wish Dad could come.
He would have loved you.
I love her too, Ned.
That's not what I'm saying.
We know.
(CICADAS CHIRP)
So, don't forget, Mum loves
the place clean and tidy.
Oh, and Dad has this thing
about men dressing up as boys,
so tuck your shirt in.
- I'm wearing a T-shirt.
- No, tuck your shirt in.
- I'm not a tucker.
- No, tuck your shirt in!
- I don't tuck the tee, Lauren!
- Have some manners!
Hey, you should be thankful
I don't dress like that guy.
Tuck in the tee! (CHUCKLES)
Dad?!
Oi! What are you wearing
pyjamas for?
Slept in.
Hey, come on, now.
It's three in the afternoon.
Shame job!
Didn't have time to clean up.
Can you please
just open the boot?
(LAUREN SIGHS)
Finally get to meet you
in person. Hello.
What's that thing?
Oh, this is Cher.
Cher, say hello
to your grandfather.
- (CHER WHINES)
- Oh, yeah!
Ohh! He likes you.
What do you want to be called?
Uh, Grandpa?
Grampy? Gramps?
Poppa?
Pappy...Pappy Bear?
Pop?
Put the shit on your laps.
MAN: Get off the friggin' road!
(HONKS HORN)
Put your indicator on,
you dick!
You trying to be Santa or what?
Forgot to shave.
I've never seen pyjamas
with shorts. Huh!
(CHER GROWLS)
Eugh!
Dad, what's going on?
Where's Mum?
(SOBS)
('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW'
BY CHICAGO PLAYS)
If you leave me now
You'll take away
the biggest part of me...
(SOBS)
Ooh, no, baby,
please don't go
And if you leave me now...
That's all she wrote?
"I'm done"? That's it?
Well, I just woke up
and she was gone.
I tried calling her
and...found that.
Mint tea?
She tried calling me
a couple times.
She called? When?
- Biscuit?
- I don't know. A few days ago.
- What, and you didn't pick up?
- Dad, I've been busy.
- Well, I didn't say nothing.
- Don't try to blame me.
I didn't say nothing!
- Is this her phone?
- BOTH: Yes!
You didn't think
to tell me all this
when I called to say we were
coming up to get married?
- In 10 days.
- In 10 days!
I thought maybe
she'd be back by now.
"I'm done." It doesn't sound
very good, does it?
Arggh!
Oh, shit.
"The things unsaid
were getting too loud.
"Ignoring each other
is not what we vowed.
"Not even my daughter
will pick up the phone,
"So I'm leaving you all
to go it alone."
Not much of a poet, eh?
(CHUCKLES)
- Oh...
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Wait for it.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- ('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW' PLAYS)
- Huh! Amazing.
(GROANS)
If you leave me now
You'll take away
the biggest part of me...
(CHER WHINES)
Lauren, you can't leave me
alone with him.
Let me come with you.
- To my hens' night?
- Why not?
I don't mind eating penis cake
or...whatever it is you do
at these things.
What am I supposed to do with
him? Slow-dance in the pantry?
Just turn on the footy.
Really? He likes his football?
Who does he support?
Aussie Rules, dickhead.
We're in the NT.
NED: Oh, Lauren!
I hate Aussie Rules!
Oh, my God!
Can you at least pretend
like you care
that my family's falling apart?
I do care, Lauren.
I'm getting married to you...
- Not anymore.
- What?
I mean, not anymore...
I mean...now.
I didn't know
this was gonna happen.
But I can't get married
if my mum isn't here.
I still want you
to be my husband.
We'll get married in a month
or two when she's back.
This whole 10-day thing
was stupid anyway.
Can you call the Adelaide mob?
Give 'em the bad news?
Th-they're already
booking their flights!
Uh-huh. Then do it quickly.
Hold on a second. Hold on!
So you get to go out with
your friends and eat penis cake
while I stay here with Pantry
Man and disappoint my family?
Pantry Man? Fuck...
Exactly.
I'll just have one drink,
tell the girls and come home.
- One drink!
- One drink, yeah.
(LOUD DANCE MUSIC THUMPS)
- Tiwi Tiwi!
- Whoo-hoo!
Oh, don't!
Toodoi straws? Really?
They didn't have
any black ones.
I think the party store
is a bit racist.
Why would she be wanting
black toodoi
when she getting white toodoi?
Don't start!
Oh, only one toodoi for you now!
I haven't had toodoi
in a while.
Oh, my God!
You mob got no shame!
Hey, cudjerie,
we're just getting warmed up.
Now, give me my white toodoi!
COMMENTATOR: Centring ball,
Rioli! The one-on-one!
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- Oh, outstanding play.
- (CHER GROWLS)
- And he makes no mistake.
Loosen up, cudjerie!
You're not in some
fancy courtroom now.
You're at Throb
with your sister girls!
Oi. I need to tell you
something.
- Shots!
- Hairy nuts!
Three hairy nuts for us
and a waxed nut for Lauren.
Oh, but I love hair on my nuts!
Fuck it.
('ESCAPADE' BY JANET JACKSON
PLAYS)
(WOMEN CHEER)
Our song, sis!
Alright, you mob,
it's been a while.
Now, you reckon we can do this?
Ha ha! OK.
(DRUM INTRO)
As I was walking by
Saw you standing there
with a smile
ALAN RICKMAN: Another orphan
of a bankrupt culture
who thinks he's John Wayne.
Rambo? Marshall Dillon?
BRUCE WILLIS: I was partial
to Roy Rogers, actually.
You know in Darwin
we've got this thing
called the pizza delivery boy?
Yeah. Mm-hm. Mmm.
- Yippee-ki-yay, motherf...
- (BARKS)
Looking shy,
you caught my eye
Thought you'd want to hang
for a while
(CHEERING)
Well, I'd like to be with you
And, you know,
it's Friday too...
MAN: You know, we've got
a pool going on you.
What kind of odds am I getting?
MAN: You don't want to know.
BRUCE WILLIS:
Put me down for 20.
(BOTH GROAN)
LAUREN: That's terrifying!
Look at it!
WOMAN: Come on, sissy,
have some.
Eugh! Nah.
Don't be stupid! Get away.
- Don't sit there!
- Come on, have a slice.
Alright, you mob, we got
dress fitting at 10am tomorrow,
so that's enough penis cake.
Why'd you book it so early?
Because that's the only time
they could fit us in, eff ya!
Look, this one didn't give us
much time
to pull this bastard together,
so stop your whingeing
and bring it in.
Come on. Come on. Good girl.
(ALL GIGGLE)
Now, Lauren, when I first
met you at school,
I thought you was
the biggest nerd.
Now look at you.
- Still a nerd.
- (ALL LAUGH)
But a deadly big lawyer nerd
who's come back from Adelaide
to get married, ah!
(ALL CHEER)
Married, married, married!
She getting married!
She gonna put a ring
on that finger!
Oi, sis. It's been five years.
Let's not leave it
another five, eh?
- Promise.
- Promise.
- Promise.
- Promise!
- Promise!
- Promise!
- Louder.
- Promise!
- Promise!
- Pinky!
- Hey, pinky.
- Pinky.
Promise. Pinky.
ALL: Cudjeries unite!
(ALL LAUGH)
- Here, now. Selfie.
- Selfie, selfie!
Just a...
Just a real...solid movie.
Yeah?
(SOBS)
- Bye, sissy.
- Bye.
Wedding cancelled.
I'm not a man anymore.
Sure you are.
No, no.
Bruce Willis is a real man.
(SOBS) He walked through glass
for his woman.
What do I do?
Just sit here
listening to '80s chick music.
I can't handle
another saxophone solo.
It's not so bad.
Oh, yeah, what would you know?
You're about to get married.
No idea you're stepping into
a life of...misery.
And broken promises.
Weddings are nothing but a
pretty bow on a box full of...
- Shit.
- Yeah, exactly. (SOBS)
Ned?
Hey, Pop?
Uh...can I borrow your...
..car?
(SNORES)
(HORN HONKS OUTSIDE)
- I'll look after it, Pop.
- MAN: (CALLS OUT) Hello?
Anybody home? Hello?
NED: One second. Coming.
MAN: Oh. Hey, mate,
she fell asleep in my cab.
NED: Thank you.
I'll take it from here.
MAN: You owe me 15 bucks.
And a tip.
What's going on?
You said
we couldn't get married
without your mum
at the wedding.
So we're gonna go and find her.
You're serious?
If you don't want to get
married, I'll turn around.
I didn't say that.
If I turn around, though,
that is it.
Calm down!
I'm not saying... I'm just...
Oh.
Oh, give me a second.
Lauren, I'm 33 years old, yeah?
Now, maybe
you don't feel this, but...
..I see a room that's slowly
filling up with boxes,
and when that room is full,
I'm dead.
Now, right now,
there's a lot of crap in there.
Cheap boxes
that are falling apart.
Boxes so boring, I don't even
remember what's in them.
But a life with you...
..being married to you,
that's a whole bunch
of bright, shiny boxes
full of...diamonds and...
..fairy floss.
Look at where I am
because of you.
I'm in the Top End
of the country.
Already, my boxes
are looking brighter.
So, how do you know we're
going in the right direction?
Well, I checked
your mum's call history.
The last call she made
was to you,
but the call before that,
I called it.
It was a hotel in Kakadu.
But wait - did you call
the Adelaide mob?
Did you cancel the wedding?
Did you tell the girls?
Guess we'd better
go find her, then.
('DOWN UNDER' BY NABARLEK BAND
PLAYS)
Travelling in
a brand-new troopie
On a bininj trail
full of stories
I met a strange daluk
She made me nervous
She took me in
and gave me manme...
- Chuck us your dress.
- Here.
And she say, "Do you come
from a land down under?
"Where daluk smile
and bininj plunder?
"Can you hear, can you hear
the thunder?
"You'd better run,
you'd better take cover"
Buying bread from a man
in Darwin
He was six foot four...
WOMAN: (ON PHONE)
Let's stop. Wait. Wait!
Cudjerie, where the heck
are you now?
LAUREN: Breathe, girls. I'm
just saying start without me.
We'll sweep into Kakadu,
pick up Mum and be back
before you can say, "Damn,
girl! You look deadly in that!"
Stop the car!
- NED: What do you mean?
- Turn in there!
Lauren, what the heck is
going on with this wedding?
WOMAN 2: Give me
the phone, Edgar!
WOMAN 1: Your hand's
got sauce all over it.
- NED: Where are you going?
- Put down the pie!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Why?
Why did she sell her car?
This was your mum's?
Why would you drive three hours
only to dump your car?
Maybe...maybe she wanted
a new one?
There's nothing wrong
with this car, Ned.
What's this car doing
in your yard?
(GROANS)
MAN: One lady come along here,
we paid cash for it.
MAN 2: We gave her seven grand.
LAUREN: The lady
who owns this car
sold it to you for seven grand?
MAN: Yeah.
She didn't trade it in,
just sold it!
Took cash. Cash!
I don't like it, Ned. What
the hell is she up to out here?
Let's just get to the hotel
and ask her, yeah?
- Come on, then.
- Right.
P.A.: The next tour group to
the wetlands begins at 11:30.
Please meet at the 'tour group'
sign outside the complex.
Don't look so excited.
What do you want from me? We're
walking into a giant crocodile.
LAUREN: Just let me
do the talking, OK?
NED: OK. OK, Lauren.
Yeah, you do the talking.
Not another word.
You're the boss.
- LAUREN: Look, my mother...
- NED: We're getting married.
- WOMAN: Really?
- Yeah.
Yeah, we're just up here
looking for wedding venues.
We've got, uh...
What was it, babe?
400, 500 guests coming?
They'll all need rooms.
That's not...
We have a fantastic
function venue.
That's exactly what
our mum said.
But we wanted to see
for ourselves,
so we came here to meet her,
but, um...
You see, her mum's having
a bit of a mid-life crisis...
- She is not.
- What was her name again?
- Daffy.
- Daphne Ford.
- Daphne Ford.
- NED: Daphne Ford.
- (WOMAN SIGHS)
- Is there a problem?
Wow.
Big night.
WOMAN: She was with
the French helicopter pilot.
I've got the photos
to prove it.
Thanks, Travis.
LAUREN: Ohh...
I threw her out wearing
not much more than a...
Hat.
That her?
Yep.
You can pick her things up
at reception.
FRENCHMAN: It was as if she had
a thousand years
of repressed sexual...
(LAUREN INTERJECTS IN FRENCH)
I'll never experience a night
of passion like that again.
Sensuous. Frenzied. Insane.
Believe me, she was animal.
- Do you know where she went?
- Ah. Merci beaucoup.
Uh...to fulfil her dream.
Dream? What dream?
To hitchhike like hippie
on motorbike.
- It's a foolish dream, but...
- Where to?
To Katherine.
- Did you say hitchhike?
- Ouais.
- On a motorbike?
- Ouais.
To Katherine?
(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) Shit.
- Une minute.
- Mm-hm.
Quit ear-bashing me, love.
Yeah, she caught a knee-dragger
to Katherine. Now, bugger off!
(FRENCH ACCENT) OK!
Time to fly, ma jolie!
Allez, allez! Le seatbelt.
Allez, allez!
Au revoir, au revoir!
Allez, allez, allez!
Hlicoptre! Chop chop chop!
Allez, allez. Voil.
On y va. Au revoir!
I want to stab him
with that cheese knife!
- You sure about this?
- Yep.
You want to go back to Darwin
and get married
without your mum?
Why not?
She got married to Dad without
inviting her mother to theirs.
What do you mean?
I told you this story.
No.
You told me your mum
hasn't spoken to her family
since she was 18.
Lauren?
I don't know my Tiwi nanna,
so I don't know
her side of the story,
but essentially, my mum left
some Tiwi fella at the altar,
eloped with my dad
and never went back.
If she can do that
to her mother,
then I can do it to mine.
We can still find her.
I don't care anymore.
- Let's keep looking.
- (PHONE DINGS)
We've got so much to organise,
I don't know where to start.
(PHONE DINGS REPEATEDLY)
I've got hundreds of messages
from the Adelaide mob,
from the bridesmaids,
all asking me different...
- NED: Hey.
- LAUREN: Ned?
- Do you know this area well?
- Yeah.
LAUREN: Great.
Great. Talking to myself.
NED: Seen anyone on
a knee-dragger riding around?
Alright. Worth trying. Thanks.
(TIWI FOLK MUSIC PLAYS)
(WOMEN SING
TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG)
(TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG
CONTINUES)
(SINGS TRADITIONAL SONG)
(CONTINUES SINGING)
You want to suck on
my salty plums?
No?
- (TYRES SQUEAL)
- Whoa!
What are you doing?!
We're going to Katherine.
(ENGINE ROARS)
I don't know
what Mum's doing there,
but we're gonna find out.
NED: How many bars you got?
Two.
- (RINGING TONE)
- It's ringing.
LAUREN: Dad?
Where's my car?
What you doing?
Walking your stupid dog.
Don't call Cher stupid, Dad!
Dad, just listen carefully,
because I can't believe
I'm asking you this...
- Where's my car?
- We have your stupid car.
Don't call her stupid!
Dad, listen. I need you
to plan the wedding.
Hey, sorry, can we
take a photo?
- So cute!
- Uh, yeah, sure! (LAUGHS)
No, no, no, the whole wedding.
Venue, celebrant, flowers,
candles, canaps.
Bloody everything.
- Perfect. So cute.
- Thanks for that.
Yeah, no. No worries, love.
Dad, are you listening?
God willing we find Mum tonight
and you're off the hook, but...
What, you found her?
Wh-where are you?
No, no, no, Dad. It's...
How'd she look? Is she OK?
She's fine. We haven't
found her yet, but we're close.
I'm coming.
No, Dad! Just...
I need you there, OK?
If she sees me
and hears about the wedding,
maybe she'll put this whole
romantic adventure behind her.
- Romantic?
- Shh! Don't say...
- Who's she there with?
- No-one.
Yeah, I'll bet it's
that personal trainer Hugo.
She's been training with that
poser for the last six months.
Hasn't lost a pound.
She's not with Hugo, Dad.
Then what's so romantic
about it?
She's alone.
Dad, I need you now, OK?
I'll find Mum,
you organise the wedding.
Dad, are you listening? Dad!
It's time to send in
the big gun.
Big gun?
(SNORES)
(CAR PULLS UP)
(CHER GROWLS)
(CAR DRIVES OFF)
(FOOTSTEPS)
Trevor Ford?
What?
Lauren's father?
Have I got the right place?
Are Ronelle, Dana
and, uh, Kailah here yet?
Oh...I don't think so. Why?
Your daughter made my firm
a lot of money
in the last quarter,
and I do not intend to lose her
to some 'no place like home'
la-la fantasy.
She's put me in charge
of this event
and I intend to take charge.
Now, I am no wedding planner,
but I am a planner.
So let's hop to it.
Eh?
(CALLS OUT) Ned?
Is your name Lauren?
Hop in.
Good morning, almost wife.
Good morning, almost husband.
Is that eggs Benedict?
Your favourite, right?
I found all this camping gear
under the car seats.
Shall we?
Listen, um...
Before we left home, uh,
this little thing happened
at work and, um...
Oh, my God!
It's like a restaurant!
Really?
Oh, great.
Thank you.
Come on, then.
Bon apptit.
Mm-hm.
Cake!
Yes!
WOMAN: Oh, come on!
That's too easy!
Yeah, one trip to the Cheesecake
Shop. That's it, done.
Excuse me! Do either of you
know how to make a cake?
Yeah, like you're gonna
make it yourself.
No debate, ladies! Next.
Flowers?! I don't know anything
about bloody flowers!
Here. Give me cake.
Sure. I'll do flowers!
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!
No swapping. Next.
- Decorations.
- HAMPTON: Perfect.
That is enough, ladies.
I'm doing cake!
You wouldn't know wedding cake
if it landed between your legs!
At least I got things
landing between my legs!
Oh, yeah, what, Rodney Roberts?
- That's a bit crusty.
- No! Rodney Roberts?
That was, like, five years ago!
(WOMEN ARGUE)
('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW' PLAYS)
(TREVOR SOBS)
- If you leave me now...
- (TREVOR SINGS ALONG, SOBS)
Lucky he's not doing music, eh?
LAUREN: I remember going on
one of them tours.
School camp.
Year eight or something.
I remember because one of
the Jawoyn rangers taught us
the local word for
'saltwater crocodile'
and then this boy yells out,
"Hey, Lauren, why don't you
speak Aboriginal?"
Everyone laughed.
I wanted to punch that kid
so bad.
But then I realised it wasn't
the boy I was angry with.
It was the fact
I didn't know the answer.
I don't know why my mum
didn't want to teach me Tiwi.
I don't want to do that
to our kids.
I just don't know
how to avoid it.
(CALLS OUT) Ned!
Talking to my bloody self
again!
Lauren!
Ned?!
Ned, what are you doing?
What?
Your mum's hat!
From the hotel!
Yes! Yes, that's her hat!
- Oof! Sorry. Sorry.
- GIRL: Ow!
Coming through, coming through!
We've found her!
- (LAUGHS)
- WOMAN: What are you doing?
MAN: Hey, whitefella,
we're in the middle of a tour!
(AMERICAN ACCENT)
Get your hands off me!
(AMERICAN ACCENT) Hey, chill!
Relax, man!
Oh, shit. You're not Daffy.
WOMAN: Of course I'm not Daffy!
NED: Sorry, everybody.
I think I stepped on your foot.
Gentlemen,
I just want to apologise.
- Hey, watch out, daddy-o!
- No, sorry. Here, sorry.
I just want to apologise.
We're on a bit of a man-hunt.
Well, a mum-hunt.
I'm actually engaged
to an Aboriginal woman.
She's just over there.
Sorry, everybody. Carry on.
It's a lovely spot.
Lovely spot.
No, no, no.
It wasn't like that.
MAN: We didn't steal the hat,
OK? She gave it to us.
Why would she do that?
Because she was
a lot more chill than you.
Hey, come on. Play nice.
WOMAN: Look, your mom
was a hoot, OK?
First Aboriginal hitchhiker
we've ever picked up.
Anyway, we start
rolling a fatty...
What?
Then she tells us
she's never smoked pot before.
What's that?
We thought it was rude
not to share it with her, so...
You...smoked marijuana
with my mother?
For a first-timer,
she was amazing.
Didn't cough or nothing...
OK, OK, how about
we just cut to the bit
where you tell us where she is?
Uh...
Prison.
- MAN: Hey, cuz! (LAUGHS)
- LAUREN: Braydon!
Fianc Ned, cousin Braydon.
Cool, bra. How's it hangin'?
Oh, yeah,
a little bit to the left.
Yeah, me too.
So, I guess you're here
about, uh...
What happened?
(LAUGHS) Oh, shit!
Oh! Whoo! (LAUGHS)
Oh, wait till you hear
this one, cuz!
(SIGHS)
So, I'm on patrol, right?
And I pull over this rust bucket
so full of smoke,
it looked like they're having
a smoking ceremony inside.
Before I open my door,
a couple of backpackers
make a run for it
straight into the bush.
I couldn't be arsed
chasing them,
so I take a peek
inside their car and...
..ooh, I nearly fell over
from shock!
Aunty Daff laid out in the back,
getting all Bob Marley and shit.
Proper shame job, eh? (CACKLES)
- It wasn't her pot.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
- So why did you arrest her?
- Oh, come on, cuz.
Had your mum yelling at me
all morning.
I was just doing my job.
OK, can you just hurry up
so we can see her?
I didn't bloody book her. Nah.
Just locked her up
till she was sober,
copped a lecture
and set her loose.
(BOTH GROAN)
You right, cuz?
She right?
Officer, do you have
a detective in the building?
Um...
Cheeky Wendy sometimes pops in.
Yeah, we're gonna need
to speak to a detective asap.
- Huh?
- Huh?
As I'm sure you're aware,
in the District Court,
a drug trafficking offence...
It was just a little fella.
..could inflict a penalty
of $200,000.
- Whoa, whoa!
- Wait a second!
- Or 15 years in prison.
- Ned!
Go ahead.
Look it up on your computer.
LAUREN: What are you doing?
We're gonna need all your team
working on the case,
and don't make me lodge a 25A.
We all know how tedious that
paperwork can get. Am I right?
So...
..what you're saying is...
..you want us to find her?
- Yes.
- Can you?
But she not even lost.
- What?
- Mum picked her up.
Great!
That's...that's good, isn't it?
Braydon's mum,
she's kind of a...
Pain in the arse.
OK. But maybe
they're still together.
Where do we find your mum?
(LAUGHS)
She gone fishin'.
WOMAN: She didn't sleep
with that Frenchie.
He bats for the other side!
Auntie, come on!
How was I meant to know?
AUNTIE: Well,
the whole Top End knows!
LAUREN: (GROANS) Yeah, alright.
So, tell me, then,
where is she?
Don't humbug me with questions
when you already know
the answer.
If I knew the answer, I wouldn't
be on a wild goose chase.
Wild goose?
Don't you mean jungle fowl?
Huh?
AUNTIE: That's one of
your dances, girl.
Now, sit down and have a cuppa.
- No tea. I just want...
- Did you say milk or sugar?
LAUREN: Neither.
Please, just tell me straight.
Uh, Lauren?
When you dropped her
at the bus,
did she say
where she was going?
Of course.
Well, why don't you just tell me
where she went?
- I can.
- Thank you.
But I won't.
Oh, Jesus!
He can't help. Nah.
Where do you go
to mend a broken heart?
The doctor?
Is she always like this?
When my boy's had a rough day
locking up them wild ones
and hurting real bad,
what does he do?
He comes here to Mummy one.
Fill his belly with a big feed.
He's happy boy.
When you're hurting,
where do you go looking?
For Mum.
Ah.
And your Mummy one?
When she hurt?
I'm sorry, what?
Where's your mum now?
Tiwi.
(WOMEN CHATTER IN BACKGROUND)
- Should I be touching this?
- Take it off!
Hey, no need to snatch!
Hey, Unc.
Sounds like old times.
Bet you're glad those are over.
I'd take 'em back
in a heartbeat.
You know, I probably shouldn't
be talking about this stuff
with you, Uncle,
but ever since my kids' dad
ran off with that skank,
I haven't exactly had much luck
with muligahs.
That is until I went
to a friend's wedding
a few months back
and I met this budju of a man.
And I'm telling you,
we had a night
that started off
like a Disney movie
and ended like a XXX...
Ronelle!
My point is,
weddings change people.
Not just the bride and groom.
We make this wedding
as romantic as possible
and you'll get Auntie back.
(WOMEN ARGUE)
Oi, you mob! Shut your holes
and get your rings in the car!
You want me to check your Keno?
No.
WOMAN: Dunno what
you're moaning about.
- Here, are you driving?
- (WOMEN CHATTER)
Excuse me? We got a wedding
to put together.
Yes, we know.
Yeah, and people are
trying to sleep.
People should be up by now.
If they're not up by now,
they're wasting their lives.
Oh, rightio, Mum!
OK, big shot, let's not
waste our lives away.
- Where to first?
- We gotta go Casuarina.
Then we gotta go out
to Winnellie.
Then we have to go
Mindil Beach markets.
- (HORN HONKS)
- See you, Uncle!
(EAGLE CRIES)
Can you pull over?
- Stop, stop.
- OK, OK.
(EAGLE CRIES)
(WHISTLES)
- Ready?
- Yeah.
(STARTS ENGINE)
- (BANG!)
- (ENGINE STOPS)
That's weird.
Try it again.
(CRANKS ENGINE)
(ENGINE SPLUTTERS)
(ENGINE STOPS)
What kind of fuel did you use?
Just...normal.
You know, unleaded.
Babe?
- Oh. Lauren?
- (LAUREN SOBS)
Lauren, what's the matter?
Lauren. What did I do?
(LAUREN SOBS)
It's a diesel, isn't it?
- (LAUREN CONTINUES SOBBING)
- It's...
But no. No, I put in...
LAUREN: (SOBS) You idiot!
Ohh!
SONG: I'm going back
to my homeland
To my country by the sea
I'm going back
to my homeland
To my country by the sea
Oh, yeah, I get back
to Numbulwar
That's where I want to be
Uh...uh...a tutu!
- Tutu!
- Um...
- Tulle.
- Tulle! Yeah! (LAUGHS)
(TRUCK HORN BLARES)
Hear you're getting hitched!
Too deadly, Uncle! (HONKS)
Thanks.
Get your shit.
We're catching the bus.
Go fishing in the morning
And set the traps
at night...
MAN: Love your bike!
Go fishing in the morning
And set the traps at night
When it's early
in the morning
Go get the cat
from the trap...
(GROANS)
Piece of shit!
You'll have to call work.
There's no way
we'll be back in time.
Did you hear me?
It's just work.
Pardon?!
I'll call them.
(SIGHS)
I quit my job.
Yeah. You're hilarious.
No, I...I actually...
I actually quit my job.
Yeah, righto. When?
The same day I proposed.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
You quit your job?!
Yep.
The same day you proposed?!
Yeah.
What the hell is
wrong with you?
I can't do it anymore.
What does that even mean?
It means I can't spend the rest
of my life pretending to be...
Stop. Wait.
You've been lying to me
this whole time.
I haven't lied.
I just haven't found...
You can't drop a bomb like that
without telling me first!
..you always cut me off!
BOTH: You never listen!
I can't believe we did this
all in a day.
Like I said, planning is
the bedrock of success.
I should put this cake
in the fridge.
- We should pop a champers.
- OTHERS: No.
The cake. Fridge?
- Yeah, we'll do it.
- Leave it to us.
Now, 'night, ladies.
- Night-night, Uncle.
- Goodnight. The cake?
Yeah, in the fridge.
- In the fridge, yeah.
- Goodnight.
Don't forget, ladies, 6am sharp!
- See you at seven!
- Night-night.
Oi, how come they call that dog
Cher when he got boonga?
Don't judge.
It's a non-binary thing.
Oh, you mean like
Rodney Roberts?
- Uh, don't start me now.
- Don't forget the cake!
(BOTH LAUGH)
HAMPTON: And then, of course,
she had to hide the heel,
I don't know,
probably in a croissant.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Well, it sounds right.
She's always been clumsy,
like her mum. (CHUCKLES)
Tell me about her.
- Who?
- Your wife.
Some people say that they
didn't see a divorce coming,
but...surely
there must be signs.
We're not divorced.
Oh, I'm s...I'm sorry. Oh.
Oh, it's none of my business.
I'm s...
When Daf and I
first got together,
it was at the expense
of certain...
..well, certain traditions.
She became convinced that
her family hated us for it.
All that got brushed aside
while we raised Lauren.
But it's funny how quickly
the years can pass.
Before you know it, you're
alone again in the house.
No kid.
Too much time to think.
I mean...
You know, there was talk
in the house.
Just no listening.
And eventually,
there wasn't even talk.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- Sorry.
Hoo-hoo!
Oh! (SIGHS) It's still hot.
Yeah, yeah.
What about you?
No, we won't talk about me.
Aw! That ain't fair.
Uh, there was a guy, once,
and we were engaged.
But it doesn't matter.
Well, and?
The, uh, lawyer in me...
..asked him to sign a, uh...
..prenuptial agreement.
He felt that was a sign that
I didn't trust him completely.
And that was it.
It was all over.
I threw myself into my work.
Did you trust him?
Completely.
I think it was me
I didn't trust.
(VEHICLE APPROACHES)
(VEHICLE DRIVES PAST)
You're right.
I should have told you
about the job.
But you know what?
It might feel like me quitting
came out of nowhere,
but it didn't.
You just never noticed.
You get so wrapped up
in other things.
Back home, it's your job,
now it's your family...
If I'm so self-absorbed,
why do you want to marry me?
- Oh come on, Lauren.
- That's not an answer.
Because you're not
self-absorbed, OK?
You're dedicated.
All I'm saying is
that you could point
some of that dedication
this way.
Maybe I should go to Tiwi
on my own.
No, no.
That doesn't make sense.
We'd better face this now
before we get married.
Face what? That I can't be
a part of your family?
- That's not what I said.
- You're not saying much!
Don't yell at me.
OK. (SIGHS)
OK, let's just cool down
and discuss this
in the morning, alright?
There's nothing to discuss.
You quit your job.
You're out here
on some big adventure,
making sure your boxes are
full of beauty or something.
But I just need to find my mum.
And I need to do it alone.
So, what are you saying?
The...the wedding's off?
Don't mess me around, Lauren!
At least have the stomach
to tell me!
Yes!
The wedding is off.
(LAUREN SOBS)
(GRUNTS)
HAMPTON: Adina Hotel, please.
(RHYTHMIC CLAPPING)
(WOMEN SING IN TIWI)
(WOMEN CONTINUE SINGING
IN DISTANCE)
('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW'
PLAYS IN DISTANCE)
If you leave me now
You'll take away
the biggest part of me
Ooh, no, baby,
please don't go
And if you leave me now
You'll take away
the very heart of me
Ooh, no, baby,
please don't go
Ooh, girl,
I just want you to stay
A love like ours is love
that's hard to find
How could we
let it slip away...
(NED SIGHS HEAVILY)
WOMAN: Oi, and don't forget
them heart napkins.
WOMAN: I won't, I won't!
RONELLE: Don't get stroppy
with her, please.
- I'm not!
- You are!
See how you go.
- Hey, look who's back!
- NED: Hey.
- Whoa!
- Just in time!
- Where's sissy?
- Did you find Auntie?
Uh...not quite, no, no.
Well, where's Lauren?
Um...
She's gone to Tiwi.
Tiwi?
- What about the wedding?
- Yeah, it's tomorrow.
It's bloody tomorrow.
The wedding's off.
- What, you mean postponed?
- Wait. Wait.
- Hang on a second.
- Like, off?
HAMPTON: Hi. Look, the wedding's
on track, all set.
I still can't believe you
talked me into coming up here.
You must have known a change
of scene was what I needed.
Anyway, thanks to you, those
new clients are on my back,
so I'm flying home tonight.
But you, you have
a proper honeymoon.
Come back when you're ready.
Congratulations and all that.
Tiwi taxi service.
Where you going, sis?
- Um...
- Hey-hey! Only garmin.
I was just driving past.
Well, you got a lift or what?
- No, nothing.
- Well, jump in.
Hey, look, I don't bite.
Not unless you want me to.
(LAUGHS)
So, where are we going, sis?
Well, I'm looking for my mum.
Daphne Ford.
Daffy?
Daffy? Don't be stupid!
Boonga! Daphne's my sister!
- What?
- I'm your uncle.
True cod! Uncle Foxxy!
(LAUGHS)
Your mother just come back here
too, you know?
Long time since I seen her.
This your first time to Tiwi
too, eh, bub?
Time to take you
to the family now.
Hold on to your munchies, 'cause
it's about to get crunchy!
- (FOXXY LAUGHS)
- Whoa!
Hello, family! Family!
That's your family
over there too.
Hey, look, we're gonna take
this short cut here, bub. Look.
Yeah, lovely and cool
in here, eh? Lovely.
I'm Uncle Foxxy and I know
all these backstreets here.
- This is a backstreet?!
- This is a backstreet.
(LAUGHS) OK!
And also, this is where I take
all your...uncles, you know?
- At night-time.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
And over here, we have
the one and only Sistagirls.
Hi, girls!
Make way! Make way, everybody!
Precious cargo on board!
Oh, don't worry, this is where
everything happens,
at the shop.
- Hello!
- Hi!
Oh, hi!
- Is that my skirt?
- Oh, hello!
You'd better give it back
to me later.
How do they know me?
Well, look,
you look a bit like your mother
and a bit like me, bub.
Well, you've seen everything
now, bub!
- (LAUGHS)
- The whole town centre.
What did you think of that?
Now. you don't be a stranger,
alimpunga.
(SPEAKS TIWI)
This your family place.
Look, we know
your mother's story,
but that's not your story, OK?
Church over there, look.
You'll find Mummy one there.
You're one of them, bub.
I'll see you round
like a ringworm.
Hello.
(ALL GREET HER IN TIWI)
(LAUREN CHUCKLES)
Mum.
Mum!
- Mum, what's...
- Shh!
(MAN CHANTS SOFTLY INSIDE)
(SOFTLY) Come on.
(MAN CHANTS SOFTLY)
My grandparents.
They're still alive?
Kuwa.
Can I meet them?
Please?
(DAFFY SOBS)
Lauren...this is my dad.
Your amini. Grandfather.
(SPEAKS TIWI)
(SPEAKS TIWI)
(GRANDFATHER SPEAKS TIWI)
(SOBS)
How did you even know
I was here?
Did your dad send you here?
Is this what this is about?
Mum, he thinks you're with
the personal bloody trainer!
Hugo?
I've been going to that muligah
for six months
and I haven't lost a pound!
Your dad's dumber
than I thought.
Mum, don't say that! He's been
going crazy without you.
I'm surprised he noticed
I was gone.
So? Spit it out.
What are you doing here?
(LAUGHS)
That Ned fella?
That's great!
It was great, but...
Mum, we had the whole wedding
planned and I called it off.
Why?
Because I don't want to regret
getting married, like you.
I don't regret
marrying your father.
What?
Marrying your father was the
best thing that happened to me.
I regret not seeing my family.
I regret not bringing you here.
Alimpunga, if I didn't
marry your father,
I would never have had you.
Look...
..I needed some space
from your dad.
To go it alone for a bit
in order to work out that...
..your dad wasn't the problem.
But he wasn't
the solution either.
And once I worked that out,
I just had to muster up
the courage and come out here.
P.A.: Qantas flight 793
to Adelaide
is now boarding out of gate 4.
(PHONE BUZZES,
PLAYS 'LA BAMBA')
Para bailar La Bamba se
necesita un poquito de gracia
Un poquito de gracia
y otra cosita
Y arriba, y arriba
Y arriba, y arriba
por ti ser
Por ti ser, por ti ser...
(PHONE RINGS OFF)
Para bailar La Bamba
Para bailar La Bamba se
necesita un poquito de gracia
Un poquito de gracia
y otra cosita
- Y arriba, y arri...
- (PHONE STOPS)
(GROANS)
Jesus Christ!
Para bailar La Bamba...
- (ALL GROAN)
- Oh, come on!
WOMAN: Oh, whoever that is,
will you just turn off your
damn phone or answer the call?
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
- MAN: You tell 'em, lass!
Cruella!
Fred!
What are you doing here?
You're getting married tomorrow.
Yeah, well, not anymore.
What do you mean?
She called it off.
That's her on the phone,
isn't it? Hmm?
Maybe.
She wants you back.
Well, it's too late!
No, it isn't!
G...get off me!
I didn't come all this way
and do all that work
just to see you chicken out
'cause you're scared
you're marrying out of
your bloody league!
Security! Harassment!
That is my testicle! Get off me!
I don't want
your bloody testicle!
('LA BAMBA' CONTINUES)
MAN: (LAUGHS) Thank you!
(ANSWERS PHONE)
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
- Don't! Don't!
LAUREN: Ned, you there?
Ned?
If you're listening...um...
..I-I left my toothbrush
in Dad's car, so...
Look, Ned.
I was wrong
not to bring you here with me
so that we could meet
my family together.
Without you,
I wouldn't even be here.
I learnt the Tiwi word
for 'hello'
and the word for 'crocodile' -
yirrikipai.
And I learnt the word
for...'husband'.
And, Ned...
..I want you to be
my ngyiya-purnayi.
(CHUCKLES)
Look, I'll probably
send you crazy
with my bloody indecisiveness,
but if that's what you meant by
boxes of fairy floss, then...
I still want to marry you!
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
- Good lad!
Is that what you're asking?
Yes, that's what
I'm asking you.
I met my grandparents!
They're still alive!
Grandpa's the sweetest,
and Grandma, well...
..she thinks
I'm still Mum, but...
And how is your mum?
We had one conversation.
All I know is that
I want to marry you.
Me too.
Oh, but there is one little
proposal disclaimer.
Yes?
We have to get married on Tiwi.
- Tiwi?
- Yeah.
- Tomorrow?
- Yep.
Shouldn't be a problem.
Uh, look, um, I-I'll call you
as soon as I get back
to the house, OK?
OK.
Love you. (LAUGHS)
I love you too.
Thanks.
Oh, and tell everyone
it's a dry wedding.
- S-sorry, did you just...
- (HANGS UP)
Dry. Uh...
Hey, Cruella!
I...I mean Ms Hampton.
- Where are you going?
- I have to get back.
But the wedding's back on.
Well, you look after her, OK?
Because she is a special one.
No, no, you have to be
at the wedding.
Why?
You've always made it obvious
you don't even like me.
That's not...true. It's...
Look, the girls told me
what you've done.
How you've managed
the team and...
..got Trevor out the pantry.
You're part of the family now.
You have to be at the wedding.
Wouldn't be the same
without you.
(UKULELE MUSIC)
(TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG PLAYS)
FOXXY: Right there,
please, bub. Thank you.
Now it's time to get Foxxed.
(LAUREN LAUGHS)
Is that my necklace there?
You two have no shame helping
yourself to that jewellery.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Mum kept this for me
after all these years.
This was yours?
I hope that cake doesn't melt.
Everything melts here, Auntie.
Yeah, the only reason I go to
weddings is for the free booze!
It's about love.
Yeah. The love of champagne.
Here-la!
She looks deadly.
Well, she's OK.
NED: Trevor, the ferry!
('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW' PLAYS)
(GROANS)
You're not going in there!
- If you leave me now..
- Not today!
You'll take away
the biggest part of me...
(GROWLS)
Ooh...
You...
..bastard!
- We're gonna miss the ferry!
- I'm not going!
- Yes, you are!
- No!
- They don't want me there!
- I don't care!
Everyone there will hate me!
Ruin this day
and Lauren will hate you too!
Is that what you want?!
Arggh! Oh!
Oh! Oh!
- You're bleeding.
- Oh, yeah, yeah!
- Oh, arggh!
- Let me get you a bandaid...
No, leave it,
leave it, leave it!
(WHINES)
Real men walk through glass.
- (WHIMPERS)
- Ohh!
I don't know
if Lauren told you, but...
..my dad died
about six years ago.
He, uh...
He was...
He was walking home from
the office late one night, j...
Some random guy fell asleep
behind the wheel and...
..and that was it.
Oh, what I wouldn't give
to have him up here
meeting you lot.
He would have loved
the Territory.
My dad can't be
at this wedding.
But Lauren's dad can.
Alright, I'll...
..I'll bloody do it.
- Shit!
- Yeah? Really?
You get me shoes, I'll get
the glass out of me foot.
(GROANS) Ohh!
- Yippee-ki-yay, mother...
- (BARKS)
Good dog.
Oh! Arggh!
We've missed the ferry.
Then we'll take The Bomber.
(QUIET CONVERSATION)
Hi. Hey!
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Oy! (SIGHS NERVOUSLY)
He'll be here. Um...
Maybe just give him
a couple of minutes.
10/1 this isn't happening.
Stop doing that!
You're making everyone nervous.
He's two hours late and I'm
the one making them nervous?
It's fine.
Anyone got any jokes?
Mmm, yeah.
(CHER BARKS)
RONELLE: They made it!
Here we go.
DAFFY: Here, boy!
Here, boy! Here, boy!
- Come on!
- (WHINES)
Good boy. Good boy.
- Go on, then, hurry up.
- Hello, Mum.
They're here! They made it!
Thank you.
About time! (LAUGHS)
Oh!
- You're late.
- Terribly sorry.
There we go.
You look great.
Hey, you mob.
- Sorry I'm late. Sorry.
- (ALL GREET HIM)
Dad would have loved this.
Nice beard.
You like it?
Come on, now.
Yeah.
LAUREN: Oi, you mob.
I got a bloke to marry.
You good?
Yeah. We're good.
(UKULELE MUSIC)
(WOMEN SING
TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG)
(LAUGHS)
Awana.
(PRIEST SPEAKS TIWI)
We made it!
- Thank Christ!
- Wow.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.
- (LAUGHTER)
I think I want to be a chef.
- I could be married to a chef.
- Yeah?
But to be married to a chef,
I have to get married first.
- Right. Yeah.
- (LAUGHS)
Let's do this like a boss.
Hey, not yet. Hey, whoa!
(LAUGHTER)
- Shame job.
- Shit!
- Sorry! Again, sorry.
- (LAUGHTER)
Couldn't help myself.
ALL: Kuwa.
..for Lauren and Ned.
And what better place
to start that sharing journey
than right here on Tiwi land?
On country.
So...let's get these fellas
married up.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Yes!
(TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG PLAYS)
(WOMEN SING)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Thank you!
(TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG PLAYS)
SONG: Something inside
sayin' don't you worry
It's all in good time,
no need to hurry
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry,
baby
We're on the train now
Here on the track,
the diesel's humming
You gotta watch out
You gotta know the beat
you're drumming
Didn't you know?
Didn't you know now?
Oh, oh, oh
All of the diamonds
All of the diamonds
in your pocket
Didn't you know now?
They're all for you, baby
They're all for you
Oh, oh, oh
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry, baby
Something inside
sayin' don't you worry
It's all in good time,
no need to hurry
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry,
baby
Hey, hey
Back on the track now
Every day is a silver dollar
Didn't you know now?
It ain't about
what's in your wallet
Didn't you know?
Didn't you know, child?
Oh, oh, oh
All of the diamonds
All of the diamonds
in your pocket
Didn't you know now?
They're all for you, baby
They're all for you,
baby
Oh, oh, oh
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry, baby
Something inside
sayin' don't you worry
It's all in good time,
no need to hurry
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry,
baby
Oh, oh, oh
Don't you worry
So don't give up on me
now, baby
Don't give up,
don't-don't give up
Don't give up on me now, baby
Don't give up,
don't-don't give up
Don't give up on me now, baby
Don't give up,
don't-don't give up
Don't give up on me now, baby
Don't give up,
don't-don't give up
Don't give up on me now, baby
Don't give up,
don't-don't give up
Don't give up on me now, baby
Don't give up
I got you, baby
Something inside
sayin' don't you worry
I got you, baby
All in good time,
no need to hurry
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry
I got you, baby
Don't you worry
I got you, baby
No need to hurry
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry
I got you, baby
It's all in good time
No need to hurry
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry
I got you, baby
Don't you worry
I got you, baby
No need to hurry
I got you, baby
So
So don't you worry
I got you, baby
All of the time
No need to hurry...
(BAND SINGS IN TIWI)
MAN: It's a beautiful day
for these two young people
to get married.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
WOMAN: Daphne!
Daphne! (SPEAKS TIWI)
(PANTS)
Oh! Oh!
(DISTANT VOICES APPROACH)
WOMAN: Daphne! (SPEAKS TIWI)
(ALL YELL)
(YELLING VOICES APPROACH)
SONG: Three, six, nine
The goose drank wine
The monkey chew tobacco
on the streetcar line
The line broke,
the monkey got choked
And they all went to heaven
in a little rowboat
Clap, pat, clap, pat
Clap, pat, clap, slap
Clap, pat
Clap your hands
Pat it on your partner's hand
Right hand
Clap, pat
Clap your hands
Cross it with your left arm
Pat your partner's left palm
Left palm
Clap, clap
Clap your hands,
pat your partner's right palm
With your right palm again
Clap, slap
Clap your hands
Slap your thighs
And sing a little song, go
My mother told me
My mama told me
If I was goody
If I was goody
(SONG CONTINUES AS RINGTONE)
That she would buy me
A rubber dolly...
Not now. (SIGHS)
That'll help.
(GROANS)
Bugger!
(SIGHS)
- You ready?
- Oh! Hampton!
Uh, of course.
HAMPTON: Like that confidence.
Keep that.
Actually, I'm kinda
freaking out.
Lauren, I'm not gonna tell you
you'll be fine. I'm not your...
- Mother. I know.
- Really?
Because right now, you are
acting like the girlie-girl
who doesn't want to wear
her big-girl pants.
I want to wear
the big-girl pants. I do.
Good.
Hide the heel,
brush down your collar,
and for Pete's sake,
don't let them see the feet.
Were you serious
about our deal?
Have you ever known me
not to be serious?
MAN: Really? Now we're
prosecuting old ladies?
What's next, sick babies?
MAN 2: Shoplifting's
a serious crime, Ned.
NED: Oh, yeah,
real life-and-death stuff.
What did she steal?
Incontinence pads?
(CHUCKLES) Exactly.
- Really?
- Two boxes.
Oh! Two boxes! Well, then!
On eight separate occasions.
Wow. That's
a very leaky bladder.
Regardless, can we just
let her have them?
Excuse me?
When she needs to go,
she needs to go.
Then she needs to pay for them.
You really want to take her
to court, don't you?
I want you to take her
to court, Ned.
That's your job.
(SOBS)
Would you like some tissues,
Mrs Ruthers?
No, no, no. T-tissues
for the eyes, not for down...
..your...leaky bladder.
(MRS RUTHERS SOBS)
(GROANS)
- Case dismissed.
- (CHOKES)
- I dismiss. You can't dismiss!
- I just did.
- Did he?
- No.
- You can't say that! She does!
- I just said that!
The charges are dropped. You
can go home now, Mrs Ruthers.
You can't do that!
She says that!
Yes, I can!
- Can I?
- Um...I...
No! The answer is no!
My office.
- Sugar?
- No, thank you.
Actually, yes, please.
Actually, no.
No, I'm gonna be good.
You know why
your dad was a great lawyer?
He used to come into
my courtroom in odd socks,
shirt inside out,
notes written on napkins.
He was the best because
he knew why he was doing it.
We only get one shot at this.
Don't waste it turning
my courtroom into a shambles.
C'tait superbe
de faire votre connaissance.
- Au revoir, madame.
- bientt.
Au revoir, messieurs!
Bonne journe!
- (SIGHS)
- You know what this means?
- I got the...
- You have to work nights.
Right, of course.
But...I'm an associate?
That was the deal.
(SQUEALS)
S-sorry.
Got another pair, so...
NED: I've had
a pretty important day, babe.
I've got some big news.
- I quit my job.
- (WHIMPERS)
Don't hate me.
(WHINES)
That's not helpful.
OK, let's try this hand first.
Will you marry me?
(WHIMPERS)
Yeah, let's go with
that one first, shall we?
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Shit! Uh...
- I have to tell you something!
- I have to ask you something.
You first.
No, go on.
OK.
So, today,
I met some French
businessmen...
Marry me?
Yes!
Bloody yes!
SONG: What you find
I think I love you
What you feel now
I feel I need you
What you know
(PHONE BUZZES)
To be real, yeah
Ooh, yeah...
- (CORK POPS)
- (LAUREN SQUEALS)
- NED: Wahey!
- (LAUGHS)
Hey, so, tell me your news.
I made associate!
That's great!
Oh, hold on a second.
Does that mean you're
stuck with Cruella de Vil?
- Would that be so bad?
- Uh, yes.
Why? Because
she's a powerful woman?
Are you kidding me?
I love powerful women.
I just don't think
they all need
a secret lair
and a hairless cat.
She doesn't have a secret lair.
She has a hairless cat, Lauren.
I've seen it. It's disgusting!
- Oh, OK. OK.
- Hey, no.
Let me raise a glass.
You deserve this.
Thank you.
Now, there is one little
proposal disclaimer.
If we're gonna get married...
..let's just do it
straightaway, yeah?
None of this
year-long engagement crap.
"Engagement crap"?
How romantic.
No, all I'm saying is...
the sooner, the better.
The next few months are good.
I've got, um...a work window.
What work window?
Oh, no, I just got given
a short, um... (CLEARS THROAT)
..bonus...hiatus thingy
after winning the old lady
her freedom for her.
(PHONE BUZZES, PLAYS 'TREATY')
- Oh! No, no, no, no, no!
- You're kidding me!
No, no. Hey, hey, hey!
Give it back.
- Does she ever go home?
- (LAUGHS) Come on.
Hi.
Oh. Now?
U-um...sure.
I'll be on my way.
Yep, I've got that.
Yes.
No, no, I'm just...I'm just...
No, it's Ned. Not Fred.
I'm not far away.
OK. I'll see you soon.
- Bye.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
I quit my job!
RINGTONE: My mother told me
My mama told me
If I was goody
If I was goo...
Sorry.
(SIGHS WEARILY)
(PHONE DINGS)
Sorry. Again.
Are you stoned?
Whoa! What? No!
- Your eyes are all bloodshot.
- It's 4am.
Am I keeping you?
- No, I just...
- (DESK WHIRRS)
- Oh, w-we're going down now?
- Come on.
Out with it.
A ballerina cannot pirouette
with a carrot up her backside.
I-I don't know what that means.
You've got to remove
that carrot.
If you don't, then I will,
and believe me...
It's Ned.
Ah.
The carrot...
..has a name.
We just got engaged, see?
And I should be excited,
but he said this thing
about getting married
before the promotion kicks in,
but I don't know
what the rush is...
- His gumnuts are shrinking.
- Excuse me?
You're gonna be making
more money than he does
and he can feel it
in his little gumnuts,
and he does not like it.
I don't think there's anything
wrong with his gumnuts.
He wants to close the deal
before it's too late.
The deal?
Lauren.
Do you want to marry him
or not?
I really do.
But he's just so...
At Hampton and Associates,
when we have a problem
to solve, what do we do?
Solve it?
Step it out.
- Whoa!
- MACHINE: Incline.
I haven't been coaching you
for five years
to lose you to some
domestic twaddle.
Thigh burner.
Mind you...
..some clients,
they like a married lawyer.
They're not gonna get that
from me.
I'll give you 10 days without
pay, then you're back to work.
- Deal?
- Deal.
Good.
- Cool down.
- Stop this.
Leave it. Go home.
- Thank you!
- Goodbye.
10 days.
- NED: 10 days?
- LAUREN: Yep.
So, quickly, get dressed.
I meant the next few months,
not the next few days!
I called your brother. He's
taking us to the airport in 20.
The airport? Lauren!
I always imagined
getting married back home.
You want to fly to Darwin
today?
Are you having second thoughts?
No. No, I want to get married.
To you, specifically.
I just don't get the bit
about Darwin and today.
- What's the rush?
- We can talk on the plane.
You've never even
taken me up there.
You never even talk about home.
Now, all of a sudden,
you want to go up there?
Yes. I know it doesn't make
sense, but it feels right.
Our parents will get to meet.
It'll be perfect.
(SIGHS) Lauren,
this is all very confusing.
I know I'm coming across
unhinged,
but something tells me
that if I don't get married
back up home,
I'll always regret it.
I've always been able
to see it.
Both my parents
walking me down the aisle.
My old girlfriends
all dressed up.
The Darwin heat. The air.
I just can't imagine it
anywhere else.
NED: Have you got
his flea treatment?
- LAUREN: Yep.
- Yeah?
And his brush? We want him
looking good for the wedding.
- Uh-huh.
- Both leashes?
Ned, whatever you've told me to
pack for Cher, I've packed it.
- OK.
- WOMAN: Right, out with it.
How far along?
When are you due?
Hello, Mother.
- She's not pregnant, Mother.
- What tosh!
No-one gets married this quickly
unless there's a baby
on the way.
- Morning, Lauren.
- Morning, Robbie.
So, are you gonna
find out the sex
or you gonna wait
for it to be a surprise?
You're making this wedding
all about you.
What about me?
We're just meant to drop
everything and fly to Darwin!
It's important to Lauren. It...
It's important to both of us
that we get married in Darwin.
I thought you were from
the Tiwi Islands.
Mum's from the Tiwi Islands.
I grew up in Darwin.
So, what are we talking?
Are we talking...
..didgeridoos
and tribal dancing?
- Face paint?
- NED AND ROBBIE: Mum!
I wish Dad could come.
He would have loved you.
I love her too, Ned.
That's not what I'm saying.
We know.
(CICADAS CHIRP)
So, don't forget, Mum loves
the place clean and tidy.
Oh, and Dad has this thing
about men dressing up as boys,
so tuck your shirt in.
- I'm wearing a T-shirt.
- No, tuck your shirt in.
- I'm not a tucker.
- No, tuck your shirt in!
- I don't tuck the tee, Lauren!
- Have some manners!
Hey, you should be thankful
I don't dress like that guy.
Tuck in the tee! (CHUCKLES)
Dad?!
Oi! What are you wearing
pyjamas for?
Slept in.
Hey, come on, now.
It's three in the afternoon.
Shame job!
Didn't have time to clean up.
Can you please
just open the boot?
(LAUREN SIGHS)
Finally get to meet you
in person. Hello.
What's that thing?
Oh, this is Cher.
Cher, say hello
to your grandfather.
- (CHER WHINES)
- Oh, yeah!
Ohh! He likes you.
What do you want to be called?
Uh, Grandpa?
Grampy? Gramps?
Poppa?
Pappy...Pappy Bear?
Pop?
Put the shit on your laps.
MAN: Get off the friggin' road!
(HONKS HORN)
Put your indicator on,
you dick!
You trying to be Santa or what?
Forgot to shave.
I've never seen pyjamas
with shorts. Huh!
(CHER GROWLS)
Eugh!
Dad, what's going on?
Where's Mum?
(SOBS)
('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW'
BY CHICAGO PLAYS)
If you leave me now
You'll take away
the biggest part of me...
(SOBS)
Ooh, no, baby,
please don't go
And if you leave me now...
That's all she wrote?
"I'm done"? That's it?
Well, I just woke up
and she was gone.
I tried calling her
and...found that.
Mint tea?
She tried calling me
a couple times.
She called? When?
- Biscuit?
- I don't know. A few days ago.
- What, and you didn't pick up?
- Dad, I've been busy.
- Well, I didn't say nothing.
- Don't try to blame me.
I didn't say nothing!
- Is this her phone?
- BOTH: Yes!
You didn't think
to tell me all this
when I called to say we were
coming up to get married?
- In 10 days.
- In 10 days!
I thought maybe
she'd be back by now.
"I'm done." It doesn't sound
very good, does it?
Arggh!
Oh, shit.
"The things unsaid
were getting too loud.
"Ignoring each other
is not what we vowed.
"Not even my daughter
will pick up the phone,
"So I'm leaving you all
to go it alone."
Not much of a poet, eh?
(CHUCKLES)
- Oh...
- (DOOR OPENS)
- Wait for it.
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- ('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW' PLAYS)
- Huh! Amazing.
(GROANS)
If you leave me now
You'll take away
the biggest part of me...
(CHER WHINES)
Lauren, you can't leave me
alone with him.
Let me come with you.
- To my hens' night?
- Why not?
I don't mind eating penis cake
or...whatever it is you do
at these things.
What am I supposed to do with
him? Slow-dance in the pantry?
Just turn on the footy.
Really? He likes his football?
Who does he support?
Aussie Rules, dickhead.
We're in the NT.
NED: Oh, Lauren!
I hate Aussie Rules!
Oh, my God!
Can you at least pretend
like you care
that my family's falling apart?
I do care, Lauren.
I'm getting married to you...
- Not anymore.
- What?
I mean, not anymore...
I mean...now.
I didn't know
this was gonna happen.
But I can't get married
if my mum isn't here.
I still want you
to be my husband.
We'll get married in a month
or two when she's back.
This whole 10-day thing
was stupid anyway.
Can you call the Adelaide mob?
Give 'em the bad news?
Th-they're already
booking their flights!
Uh-huh. Then do it quickly.
Hold on a second. Hold on!
So you get to go out with
your friends and eat penis cake
while I stay here with Pantry
Man and disappoint my family?
Pantry Man? Fuck...
Exactly.
I'll just have one drink,
tell the girls and come home.
- One drink!
- One drink, yeah.
(LOUD DANCE MUSIC THUMPS)
- Tiwi Tiwi!
- Whoo-hoo!
Oh, don't!
Toodoi straws? Really?
They didn't have
any black ones.
I think the party store
is a bit racist.
Why would she be wanting
black toodoi
when she getting white toodoi?
Don't start!
Oh, only one toodoi for you now!
I haven't had toodoi
in a while.
Oh, my God!
You mob got no shame!
Hey, cudjerie,
we're just getting warmed up.
Now, give me my white toodoi!
COMMENTATOR: Centring ball,
Rioli! The one-on-one!
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- Oh, outstanding play.
- (CHER GROWLS)
- And he makes no mistake.
Loosen up, cudjerie!
You're not in some
fancy courtroom now.
You're at Throb
with your sister girls!
Oi. I need to tell you
something.
- Shots!
- Hairy nuts!
Three hairy nuts for us
and a waxed nut for Lauren.
Oh, but I love hair on my nuts!
Fuck it.
('ESCAPADE' BY JANET JACKSON
PLAYS)
(WOMEN CHEER)
Our song, sis!
Alright, you mob,
it's been a while.
Now, you reckon we can do this?
Ha ha! OK.
(DRUM INTRO)
As I was walking by
Saw you standing there
with a smile
ALAN RICKMAN: Another orphan
of a bankrupt culture
who thinks he's John Wayne.
Rambo? Marshall Dillon?
BRUCE WILLIS: I was partial
to Roy Rogers, actually.
You know in Darwin
we've got this thing
called the pizza delivery boy?
Yeah. Mm-hm. Mmm.
- Yippee-ki-yay, motherf...
- (BARKS)
Looking shy,
you caught my eye
Thought you'd want to hang
for a while
(CHEERING)
Well, I'd like to be with you
And, you know,
it's Friday too...
MAN: You know, we've got
a pool going on you.
What kind of odds am I getting?
MAN: You don't want to know.
BRUCE WILLIS:
Put me down for 20.
(BOTH GROAN)
LAUREN: That's terrifying!
Look at it!
WOMAN: Come on, sissy,
have some.
Eugh! Nah.
Don't be stupid! Get away.
- Don't sit there!
- Come on, have a slice.
Alright, you mob, we got
dress fitting at 10am tomorrow,
so that's enough penis cake.
Why'd you book it so early?
Because that's the only time
they could fit us in, eff ya!
Look, this one didn't give us
much time
to pull this bastard together,
so stop your whingeing
and bring it in.
Come on. Come on. Good girl.
(ALL GIGGLE)
Now, Lauren, when I first
met you at school,
I thought you was
the biggest nerd.
Now look at you.
- Still a nerd.
- (ALL LAUGH)
But a deadly big lawyer nerd
who's come back from Adelaide
to get married, ah!
(ALL CHEER)
Married, married, married!
She getting married!
She gonna put a ring
on that finger!
Oi, sis. It's been five years.
Let's not leave it
another five, eh?
- Promise.
- Promise.
- Promise.
- Promise!
- Promise!
- Promise!
- Louder.
- Promise!
- Promise!
- Pinky!
- Hey, pinky.
- Pinky.
Promise. Pinky.
ALL: Cudjeries unite!
(ALL LAUGH)
- Here, now. Selfie.
- Selfie, selfie!
Just a...
Just a real...solid movie.
Yeah?
(SOBS)
- Bye, sissy.
- Bye.
Wedding cancelled.
I'm not a man anymore.
Sure you are.
No, no.
Bruce Willis is a real man.
(SOBS) He walked through glass
for his woman.
What do I do?
Just sit here
listening to '80s chick music.
I can't handle
another saxophone solo.
It's not so bad.
Oh, yeah, what would you know?
You're about to get married.
No idea you're stepping into
a life of...misery.
And broken promises.
Weddings are nothing but a
pretty bow on a box full of...
- Shit.
- Yeah, exactly. (SOBS)
Ned?
Hey, Pop?
Uh...can I borrow your...
..car?
(SNORES)
(HORN HONKS OUTSIDE)
- I'll look after it, Pop.
- MAN: (CALLS OUT) Hello?
Anybody home? Hello?
NED: One second. Coming.
MAN: Oh. Hey, mate,
she fell asleep in my cab.
NED: Thank you.
I'll take it from here.
MAN: You owe me 15 bucks.
And a tip.
What's going on?
You said
we couldn't get married
without your mum
at the wedding.
So we're gonna go and find her.
You're serious?
If you don't want to get
married, I'll turn around.
I didn't say that.
If I turn around, though,
that is it.
Calm down!
I'm not saying... I'm just...
Oh.
Oh, give me a second.
Lauren, I'm 33 years old, yeah?
Now, maybe
you don't feel this, but...
..I see a room that's slowly
filling up with boxes,
and when that room is full,
I'm dead.
Now, right now,
there's a lot of crap in there.
Cheap boxes
that are falling apart.
Boxes so boring, I don't even
remember what's in them.
But a life with you...
..being married to you,
that's a whole bunch
of bright, shiny boxes
full of...diamonds and...
..fairy floss.
Look at where I am
because of you.
I'm in the Top End
of the country.
Already, my boxes
are looking brighter.
So, how do you know we're
going in the right direction?
Well, I checked
your mum's call history.
The last call she made
was to you,
but the call before that,
I called it.
It was a hotel in Kakadu.
But wait - did you call
the Adelaide mob?
Did you cancel the wedding?
Did you tell the girls?
Guess we'd better
go find her, then.
('DOWN UNDER' BY NABARLEK BAND
PLAYS)
Travelling in
a brand-new troopie
On a bininj trail
full of stories
I met a strange daluk
She made me nervous
She took me in
and gave me manme...
- Chuck us your dress.
- Here.
And she say, "Do you come
from a land down under?
"Where daluk smile
and bininj plunder?
"Can you hear, can you hear
the thunder?
"You'd better run,
you'd better take cover"
Buying bread from a man
in Darwin
He was six foot four...
WOMAN: (ON PHONE)
Let's stop. Wait. Wait!
Cudjerie, where the heck
are you now?
LAUREN: Breathe, girls. I'm
just saying start without me.
We'll sweep into Kakadu,
pick up Mum and be back
before you can say, "Damn,
girl! You look deadly in that!"
Stop the car!
- NED: What do you mean?
- Turn in there!
Lauren, what the heck is
going on with this wedding?
WOMAN 2: Give me
the phone, Edgar!
WOMAN 1: Your hand's
got sauce all over it.
- NED: Where are you going?
- Put down the pie!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Why?
Why did she sell her car?
This was your mum's?
Why would you drive three hours
only to dump your car?
Maybe...maybe she wanted
a new one?
There's nothing wrong
with this car, Ned.
What's this car doing
in your yard?
(GROANS)
MAN: One lady come along here,
we paid cash for it.
MAN 2: We gave her seven grand.
LAUREN: The lady
who owns this car
sold it to you for seven grand?
MAN: Yeah.
She didn't trade it in,
just sold it!
Took cash. Cash!
I don't like it, Ned. What
the hell is she up to out here?
Let's just get to the hotel
and ask her, yeah?
- Come on, then.
- Right.
P.A.: The next tour group to
the wetlands begins at 11:30.
Please meet at the 'tour group'
sign outside the complex.
Don't look so excited.
What do you want from me? We're
walking into a giant crocodile.
LAUREN: Just let me
do the talking, OK?
NED: OK. OK, Lauren.
Yeah, you do the talking.
Not another word.
You're the boss.
- LAUREN: Look, my mother...
- NED: We're getting married.
- WOMAN: Really?
- Yeah.
Yeah, we're just up here
looking for wedding venues.
We've got, uh...
What was it, babe?
400, 500 guests coming?
They'll all need rooms.
That's not...
We have a fantastic
function venue.
That's exactly what
our mum said.
But we wanted to see
for ourselves,
so we came here to meet her,
but, um...
You see, her mum's having
a bit of a mid-life crisis...
- She is not.
- What was her name again?
- Daffy.
- Daphne Ford.
- Daphne Ford.
- NED: Daphne Ford.
- (WOMAN SIGHS)
- Is there a problem?
Wow.
Big night.
WOMAN: She was with
the French helicopter pilot.
I've got the photos
to prove it.
Thanks, Travis.
LAUREN: Ohh...
I threw her out wearing
not much more than a...
Hat.
That her?
Yep.
You can pick her things up
at reception.
FRENCHMAN: It was as if she had
a thousand years
of repressed sexual...
(LAUREN INTERJECTS IN FRENCH)
I'll never experience a night
of passion like that again.
Sensuous. Frenzied. Insane.
Believe me, she was animal.
- Do you know where she went?
- Ah. Merci beaucoup.
Uh...to fulfil her dream.
Dream? What dream?
To hitchhike like hippie
on motorbike.
- It's a foolish dream, but...
- Where to?
To Katherine.
- Did you say hitchhike?
- Ouais.
- On a motorbike?
- Ouais.
To Katherine?
(AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) Shit.
- Une minute.
- Mm-hm.
Quit ear-bashing me, love.
Yeah, she caught a knee-dragger
to Katherine. Now, bugger off!
(FRENCH ACCENT) OK!
Time to fly, ma jolie!
Allez, allez! Le seatbelt.
Allez, allez!
Au revoir, au revoir!
Allez, allez, allez!
Hlicoptre! Chop chop chop!
Allez, allez. Voil.
On y va. Au revoir!
I want to stab him
with that cheese knife!
- You sure about this?
- Yep.
You want to go back to Darwin
and get married
without your mum?
Why not?
She got married to Dad without
inviting her mother to theirs.
What do you mean?
I told you this story.
No.
You told me your mum
hasn't spoken to her family
since she was 18.
Lauren?
I don't know my Tiwi nanna,
so I don't know
her side of the story,
but essentially, my mum left
some Tiwi fella at the altar,
eloped with my dad
and never went back.
If she can do that
to her mother,
then I can do it to mine.
We can still find her.
I don't care anymore.
- Let's keep looking.
- (PHONE DINGS)
We've got so much to organise,
I don't know where to start.
(PHONE DINGS REPEATEDLY)
I've got hundreds of messages
from the Adelaide mob,
from the bridesmaids,
all asking me different...
- NED: Hey.
- LAUREN: Ned?
- Do you know this area well?
- Yeah.
LAUREN: Great.
Great. Talking to myself.
NED: Seen anyone on
a knee-dragger riding around?
Alright. Worth trying. Thanks.
(TIWI FOLK MUSIC PLAYS)
(WOMEN SING
TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG)
(TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG
CONTINUES)
(SINGS TRADITIONAL SONG)
(CONTINUES SINGING)
You want to suck on
my salty plums?
No?
- (TYRES SQUEAL)
- Whoa!
What are you doing?!
We're going to Katherine.
(ENGINE ROARS)
I don't know
what Mum's doing there,
but we're gonna find out.
NED: How many bars you got?
Two.
- (RINGING TONE)
- It's ringing.
LAUREN: Dad?
Where's my car?
What you doing?
Walking your stupid dog.
Don't call Cher stupid, Dad!
Dad, just listen carefully,
because I can't believe
I'm asking you this...
- Where's my car?
- We have your stupid car.
Don't call her stupid!
Dad, listen. I need you
to plan the wedding.
Hey, sorry, can we
take a photo?
- So cute!
- Uh, yeah, sure! (LAUGHS)
No, no, no, the whole wedding.
Venue, celebrant, flowers,
candles, canaps.
Bloody everything.
- Perfect. So cute.
- Thanks for that.
Yeah, no. No worries, love.
Dad, are you listening?
God willing we find Mum tonight
and you're off the hook, but...
What, you found her?
Wh-where are you?
No, no, no, Dad. It's...
How'd she look? Is she OK?
She's fine. We haven't
found her yet, but we're close.
I'm coming.
No, Dad! Just...
I need you there, OK?
If she sees me
and hears about the wedding,
maybe she'll put this whole
romantic adventure behind her.
- Romantic?
- Shh! Don't say...
- Who's she there with?
- No-one.
Yeah, I'll bet it's
that personal trainer Hugo.
She's been training with that
poser for the last six months.
Hasn't lost a pound.
She's not with Hugo, Dad.
Then what's so romantic
about it?
She's alone.
Dad, I need you now, OK?
I'll find Mum,
you organise the wedding.
Dad, are you listening? Dad!
It's time to send in
the big gun.
Big gun?
(SNORES)
(CAR PULLS UP)
(CHER GROWLS)
(CAR DRIVES OFF)
(FOOTSTEPS)
Trevor Ford?
What?
Lauren's father?
Have I got the right place?
Are Ronelle, Dana
and, uh, Kailah here yet?
Oh...I don't think so. Why?
Your daughter made my firm
a lot of money
in the last quarter,
and I do not intend to lose her
to some 'no place like home'
la-la fantasy.
She's put me in charge
of this event
and I intend to take charge.
Now, I am no wedding planner,
but I am a planner.
So let's hop to it.
Eh?
(CALLS OUT) Ned?
Is your name Lauren?
Hop in.
Good morning, almost wife.
Good morning, almost husband.
Is that eggs Benedict?
Your favourite, right?
I found all this camping gear
under the car seats.
Shall we?
Listen, um...
Before we left home, uh,
this little thing happened
at work and, um...
Oh, my God!
It's like a restaurant!
Really?
Oh, great.
Thank you.
Come on, then.
Bon apptit.
Mm-hm.
Cake!
Yes!
WOMAN: Oh, come on!
That's too easy!
Yeah, one trip to the Cheesecake
Shop. That's it, done.
Excuse me! Do either of you
know how to make a cake?
Yeah, like you're gonna
make it yourself.
No debate, ladies! Next.
Flowers?! I don't know anything
about bloody flowers!
Here. Give me cake.
Sure. I'll do flowers!
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh!
No swapping. Next.
- Decorations.
- HAMPTON: Perfect.
That is enough, ladies.
I'm doing cake!
You wouldn't know wedding cake
if it landed between your legs!
At least I got things
landing between my legs!
Oh, yeah, what, Rodney Roberts?
- That's a bit crusty.
- No! Rodney Roberts?
That was, like, five years ago!
(WOMEN ARGUE)
('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW' PLAYS)
(TREVOR SOBS)
- If you leave me now...
- (TREVOR SINGS ALONG, SOBS)
Lucky he's not doing music, eh?
LAUREN: I remember going on
one of them tours.
School camp.
Year eight or something.
I remember because one of
the Jawoyn rangers taught us
the local word for
'saltwater crocodile'
and then this boy yells out,
"Hey, Lauren, why don't you
speak Aboriginal?"
Everyone laughed.
I wanted to punch that kid
so bad.
But then I realised it wasn't
the boy I was angry with.
It was the fact
I didn't know the answer.
I don't know why my mum
didn't want to teach me Tiwi.
I don't want to do that
to our kids.
I just don't know
how to avoid it.
(CALLS OUT) Ned!
Talking to my bloody self
again!
Lauren!
Ned?!
Ned, what are you doing?
What?
Your mum's hat!
From the hotel!
Yes! Yes, that's her hat!
- Oof! Sorry. Sorry.
- GIRL: Ow!
Coming through, coming through!
We've found her!
- (LAUGHS)
- WOMAN: What are you doing?
MAN: Hey, whitefella,
we're in the middle of a tour!
(AMERICAN ACCENT)
Get your hands off me!
(AMERICAN ACCENT) Hey, chill!
Relax, man!
Oh, shit. You're not Daffy.
WOMAN: Of course I'm not Daffy!
NED: Sorry, everybody.
I think I stepped on your foot.
Gentlemen,
I just want to apologise.
- Hey, watch out, daddy-o!
- No, sorry. Here, sorry.
I just want to apologise.
We're on a bit of a man-hunt.
Well, a mum-hunt.
I'm actually engaged
to an Aboriginal woman.
She's just over there.
Sorry, everybody. Carry on.
It's a lovely spot.
Lovely spot.
No, no, no.
It wasn't like that.
MAN: We didn't steal the hat,
OK? She gave it to us.
Why would she do that?
Because she was
a lot more chill than you.
Hey, come on. Play nice.
WOMAN: Look, your mom
was a hoot, OK?
First Aboriginal hitchhiker
we've ever picked up.
Anyway, we start
rolling a fatty...
What?
Then she tells us
she's never smoked pot before.
What's that?
We thought it was rude
not to share it with her, so...
You...smoked marijuana
with my mother?
For a first-timer,
she was amazing.
Didn't cough or nothing...
OK, OK, how about
we just cut to the bit
where you tell us where she is?
Uh...
Prison.
- MAN: Hey, cuz! (LAUGHS)
- LAUREN: Braydon!
Fianc Ned, cousin Braydon.
Cool, bra. How's it hangin'?
Oh, yeah,
a little bit to the left.
Yeah, me too.
So, I guess you're here
about, uh...
What happened?
(LAUGHS) Oh, shit!
Oh! Whoo! (LAUGHS)
Oh, wait till you hear
this one, cuz!
(SIGHS)
So, I'm on patrol, right?
And I pull over this rust bucket
so full of smoke,
it looked like they're having
a smoking ceremony inside.
Before I open my door,
a couple of backpackers
make a run for it
straight into the bush.
I couldn't be arsed
chasing them,
so I take a peek
inside their car and...
..ooh, I nearly fell over
from shock!
Aunty Daff laid out in the back,
getting all Bob Marley and shit.
Proper shame job, eh? (CACKLES)
- It wasn't her pot.
- Yeah, yeah, I know.
- So why did you arrest her?
- Oh, come on, cuz.
Had your mum yelling at me
all morning.
I was just doing my job.
OK, can you just hurry up
so we can see her?
I didn't bloody book her. Nah.
Just locked her up
till she was sober,
copped a lecture
and set her loose.
(BOTH GROAN)
You right, cuz?
She right?
Officer, do you have
a detective in the building?
Um...
Cheeky Wendy sometimes pops in.
Yeah, we're gonna need
to speak to a detective asap.
- Huh?
- Huh?
As I'm sure you're aware,
in the District Court,
a drug trafficking offence...
It was just a little fella.
..could inflict a penalty
of $200,000.
- Whoa, whoa!
- Wait a second!
- Or 15 years in prison.
- Ned!
Go ahead.
Look it up on your computer.
LAUREN: What are you doing?
We're gonna need all your team
working on the case,
and don't make me lodge a 25A.
We all know how tedious that
paperwork can get. Am I right?
So...
..what you're saying is...
..you want us to find her?
- Yes.
- Can you?
But she not even lost.
- What?
- Mum picked her up.
Great!
That's...that's good, isn't it?
Braydon's mum,
she's kind of a...
Pain in the arse.
OK. But maybe
they're still together.
Where do we find your mum?
(LAUGHS)
She gone fishin'.
WOMAN: She didn't sleep
with that Frenchie.
He bats for the other side!
Auntie, come on!
How was I meant to know?
AUNTIE: Well,
the whole Top End knows!
LAUREN: (GROANS) Yeah, alright.
So, tell me, then,
where is she?
Don't humbug me with questions
when you already know
the answer.
If I knew the answer, I wouldn't
be on a wild goose chase.
Wild goose?
Don't you mean jungle fowl?
Huh?
AUNTIE: That's one of
your dances, girl.
Now, sit down and have a cuppa.
- No tea. I just want...
- Did you say milk or sugar?
LAUREN: Neither.
Please, just tell me straight.
Uh, Lauren?
When you dropped her
at the bus,
did she say
where she was going?
Of course.
Well, why don't you just tell me
where she went?
- I can.
- Thank you.
But I won't.
Oh, Jesus!
He can't help. Nah.
Where do you go
to mend a broken heart?
The doctor?
Is she always like this?
When my boy's had a rough day
locking up them wild ones
and hurting real bad,
what does he do?
He comes here to Mummy one.
Fill his belly with a big feed.
He's happy boy.
When you're hurting,
where do you go looking?
For Mum.
Ah.
And your Mummy one?
When she hurt?
I'm sorry, what?
Where's your mum now?
Tiwi.
(WOMEN CHATTER IN BACKGROUND)
- Should I be touching this?
- Take it off!
Hey, no need to snatch!
Hey, Unc.
Sounds like old times.
Bet you're glad those are over.
I'd take 'em back
in a heartbeat.
You know, I probably shouldn't
be talking about this stuff
with you, Uncle,
but ever since my kids' dad
ran off with that skank,
I haven't exactly had much luck
with muligahs.
That is until I went
to a friend's wedding
a few months back
and I met this budju of a man.
And I'm telling you,
we had a night
that started off
like a Disney movie
and ended like a XXX...
Ronelle!
My point is,
weddings change people.
Not just the bride and groom.
We make this wedding
as romantic as possible
and you'll get Auntie back.
(WOMEN ARGUE)
Oi, you mob! Shut your holes
and get your rings in the car!
You want me to check your Keno?
No.
WOMAN: Dunno what
you're moaning about.
- Here, are you driving?
- (WOMEN CHATTER)
Excuse me? We got a wedding
to put together.
Yes, we know.
Yeah, and people are
trying to sleep.
People should be up by now.
If they're not up by now,
they're wasting their lives.
Oh, rightio, Mum!
OK, big shot, let's not
waste our lives away.
- Where to first?
- We gotta go Casuarina.
Then we gotta go out
to Winnellie.
Then we have to go
Mindil Beach markets.
- (HORN HONKS)
- See you, Uncle!
(EAGLE CRIES)
Can you pull over?
- Stop, stop.
- OK, OK.
(EAGLE CRIES)
(WHISTLES)
- Ready?
- Yeah.
(STARTS ENGINE)
- (BANG!)
- (ENGINE STOPS)
That's weird.
Try it again.
(CRANKS ENGINE)
(ENGINE SPLUTTERS)
(ENGINE STOPS)
What kind of fuel did you use?
Just...normal.
You know, unleaded.
Babe?
- Oh. Lauren?
- (LAUREN SOBS)
Lauren, what's the matter?
Lauren. What did I do?
(LAUREN SOBS)
It's a diesel, isn't it?
- (LAUREN CONTINUES SOBBING)
- It's...
But no. No, I put in...
LAUREN: (SOBS) You idiot!
Ohh!
SONG: I'm going back
to my homeland
To my country by the sea
I'm going back
to my homeland
To my country by the sea
Oh, yeah, I get back
to Numbulwar
That's where I want to be
Uh...uh...a tutu!
- Tutu!
- Um...
- Tulle.
- Tulle! Yeah! (LAUGHS)
(TRUCK HORN BLARES)
Hear you're getting hitched!
Too deadly, Uncle! (HONKS)
Thanks.
Get your shit.
We're catching the bus.
Go fishing in the morning
And set the traps
at night...
MAN: Love your bike!
Go fishing in the morning
And set the traps at night
When it's early
in the morning
Go get the cat
from the trap...
(GROANS)
Piece of shit!
You'll have to call work.
There's no way
we'll be back in time.
Did you hear me?
It's just work.
Pardon?!
I'll call them.
(SIGHS)
I quit my job.
Yeah. You're hilarious.
No, I...I actually...
I actually quit my job.
Yeah, righto. When?
The same day I proposed.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
You quit your job?!
Yep.
The same day you proposed?!
Yeah.
What the hell is
wrong with you?
I can't do it anymore.
What does that even mean?
It means I can't spend the rest
of my life pretending to be...
Stop. Wait.
You've been lying to me
this whole time.
I haven't lied.
I just haven't found...
You can't drop a bomb like that
without telling me first!
..you always cut me off!
BOTH: You never listen!
I can't believe we did this
all in a day.
Like I said, planning is
the bedrock of success.
I should put this cake
in the fridge.
- We should pop a champers.
- OTHERS: No.
The cake. Fridge?
- Yeah, we'll do it.
- Leave it to us.
Now, 'night, ladies.
- Night-night, Uncle.
- Goodnight. The cake?
Yeah, in the fridge.
- In the fridge, yeah.
- Goodnight.
Don't forget, ladies, 6am sharp!
- See you at seven!
- Night-night.
Oi, how come they call that dog
Cher when he got boonga?
Don't judge.
It's a non-binary thing.
Oh, you mean like
Rodney Roberts?
- Uh, don't start me now.
- Don't forget the cake!
(BOTH LAUGH)
HAMPTON: And then, of course,
she had to hide the heel,
I don't know,
probably in a croissant.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Well, it sounds right.
She's always been clumsy,
like her mum. (CHUCKLES)
Tell me about her.
- Who?
- Your wife.
Some people say that they
didn't see a divorce coming,
but...surely
there must be signs.
We're not divorced.
Oh, I'm s...I'm sorry. Oh.
Oh, it's none of my business.
I'm s...
When Daf and I
first got together,
it was at the expense
of certain...
..well, certain traditions.
She became convinced that
her family hated us for it.
All that got brushed aside
while we raised Lauren.
But it's funny how quickly
the years can pass.
Before you know it, you're
alone again in the house.
No kid.
Too much time to think.
I mean...
You know, there was talk
in the house.
Just no listening.
And eventually,
there wasn't even talk.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- Sorry.
Hoo-hoo!
Oh! (SIGHS) It's still hot.
Yeah, yeah.
What about you?
No, we won't talk about me.
Aw! That ain't fair.
Uh, there was a guy, once,
and we were engaged.
But it doesn't matter.
Well, and?
The, uh, lawyer in me...
..asked him to sign a, uh...
..prenuptial agreement.
He felt that was a sign that
I didn't trust him completely.
And that was it.
It was all over.
I threw myself into my work.
Did you trust him?
Completely.
I think it was me
I didn't trust.
(VEHICLE APPROACHES)
(VEHICLE DRIVES PAST)
You're right.
I should have told you
about the job.
But you know what?
It might feel like me quitting
came out of nowhere,
but it didn't.
You just never noticed.
You get so wrapped up
in other things.
Back home, it's your job,
now it's your family...
If I'm so self-absorbed,
why do you want to marry me?
- Oh come on, Lauren.
- That's not an answer.
Because you're not
self-absorbed, OK?
You're dedicated.
All I'm saying is
that you could point
some of that dedication
this way.
Maybe I should go to Tiwi
on my own.
No, no.
That doesn't make sense.
We'd better face this now
before we get married.
Face what? That I can't be
a part of your family?
- That's not what I said.
- You're not saying much!
Don't yell at me.
OK. (SIGHS)
OK, let's just cool down
and discuss this
in the morning, alright?
There's nothing to discuss.
You quit your job.
You're out here
on some big adventure,
making sure your boxes are
full of beauty or something.
But I just need to find my mum.
And I need to do it alone.
So, what are you saying?
The...the wedding's off?
Don't mess me around, Lauren!
At least have the stomach
to tell me!
Yes!
The wedding is off.
(LAUREN SOBS)
(GRUNTS)
HAMPTON: Adina Hotel, please.
(RHYTHMIC CLAPPING)
(WOMEN SING IN TIWI)
(WOMEN CONTINUE SINGING
IN DISTANCE)
('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW'
PLAYS IN DISTANCE)
If you leave me now
You'll take away
the biggest part of me
Ooh, no, baby,
please don't go
And if you leave me now
You'll take away
the very heart of me
Ooh, no, baby,
please don't go
Ooh, girl,
I just want you to stay
A love like ours is love
that's hard to find
How could we
let it slip away...
(NED SIGHS HEAVILY)
WOMAN: Oi, and don't forget
them heart napkins.
WOMAN: I won't, I won't!
RONELLE: Don't get stroppy
with her, please.
- I'm not!
- You are!
See how you go.
- Hey, look who's back!
- NED: Hey.
- Whoa!
- Just in time!
- Where's sissy?
- Did you find Auntie?
Uh...not quite, no, no.
Well, where's Lauren?
Um...
She's gone to Tiwi.
Tiwi?
- What about the wedding?
- Yeah, it's tomorrow.
It's bloody tomorrow.
The wedding's off.
- What, you mean postponed?
- Wait. Wait.
- Hang on a second.
- Like, off?
HAMPTON: Hi. Look, the wedding's
on track, all set.
I still can't believe you
talked me into coming up here.
You must have known a change
of scene was what I needed.
Anyway, thanks to you, those
new clients are on my back,
so I'm flying home tonight.
But you, you have
a proper honeymoon.
Come back when you're ready.
Congratulations and all that.
Tiwi taxi service.
Where you going, sis?
- Um...
- Hey-hey! Only garmin.
I was just driving past.
Well, you got a lift or what?
- No, nothing.
- Well, jump in.
Hey, look, I don't bite.
Not unless you want me to.
(LAUGHS)
So, where are we going, sis?
Well, I'm looking for my mum.
Daphne Ford.
Daffy?
Daffy? Don't be stupid!
Boonga! Daphne's my sister!
- What?
- I'm your uncle.
True cod! Uncle Foxxy!
(LAUGHS)
Your mother just come back here
too, you know?
Long time since I seen her.
This your first time to Tiwi
too, eh, bub?
Time to take you
to the family now.
Hold on to your munchies, 'cause
it's about to get crunchy!
- (FOXXY LAUGHS)
- Whoa!
Hello, family! Family!
That's your family
over there too.
Hey, look, we're gonna take
this short cut here, bub. Look.
Yeah, lovely and cool
in here, eh? Lovely.
I'm Uncle Foxxy and I know
all these backstreets here.
- This is a backstreet?!
- This is a backstreet.
(LAUGHS) OK!
And also, this is where I take
all your...uncles, you know?
- At night-time.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
And over here, we have
the one and only Sistagirls.
Hi, girls!
Make way! Make way, everybody!
Precious cargo on board!
Oh, don't worry, this is where
everything happens,
at the shop.
- Hello!
- Hi!
Oh, hi!
- Is that my skirt?
- Oh, hello!
You'd better give it back
to me later.
How do they know me?
Well, look,
you look a bit like your mother
and a bit like me, bub.
Well, you've seen everything
now, bub!
- (LAUGHS)
- The whole town centre.
What did you think of that?
Now. you don't be a stranger,
alimpunga.
(SPEAKS TIWI)
This your family place.
Look, we know
your mother's story,
but that's not your story, OK?
Church over there, look.
You'll find Mummy one there.
You're one of them, bub.
I'll see you round
like a ringworm.
Hello.
(ALL GREET HER IN TIWI)
(LAUREN CHUCKLES)
Mum.
Mum!
- Mum, what's...
- Shh!
(MAN CHANTS SOFTLY INSIDE)
(SOFTLY) Come on.
(MAN CHANTS SOFTLY)
My grandparents.
They're still alive?
Kuwa.
Can I meet them?
Please?
(DAFFY SOBS)
Lauren...this is my dad.
Your amini. Grandfather.
(SPEAKS TIWI)
(SPEAKS TIWI)
(GRANDFATHER SPEAKS TIWI)
(SOBS)
How did you even know
I was here?
Did your dad send you here?
Is this what this is about?
Mum, he thinks you're with
the personal bloody trainer!
Hugo?
I've been going to that muligah
for six months
and I haven't lost a pound!
Your dad's dumber
than I thought.
Mum, don't say that! He's been
going crazy without you.
I'm surprised he noticed
I was gone.
So? Spit it out.
What are you doing here?
(LAUGHS)
That Ned fella?
That's great!
It was great, but...
Mum, we had the whole wedding
planned and I called it off.
Why?
Because I don't want to regret
getting married, like you.
I don't regret
marrying your father.
What?
Marrying your father was the
best thing that happened to me.
I regret not seeing my family.
I regret not bringing you here.
Alimpunga, if I didn't
marry your father,
I would never have had you.
Look...
..I needed some space
from your dad.
To go it alone for a bit
in order to work out that...
..your dad wasn't the problem.
But he wasn't
the solution either.
And once I worked that out,
I just had to muster up
the courage and come out here.
P.A.: Qantas flight 793
to Adelaide
is now boarding out of gate 4.
(PHONE BUZZES,
PLAYS 'LA BAMBA')
Para bailar La Bamba se
necesita un poquito de gracia
Un poquito de gracia
y otra cosita
Y arriba, y arriba
Y arriba, y arriba
por ti ser
Por ti ser, por ti ser...
(PHONE RINGS OFF)
Para bailar La Bamba
Para bailar La Bamba se
necesita un poquito de gracia
Un poquito de gracia
y otra cosita
- Y arriba, y arri...
- (PHONE STOPS)
(GROANS)
Jesus Christ!
Para bailar La Bamba...
- (ALL GROAN)
- Oh, come on!
WOMAN: Oh, whoever that is,
will you just turn off your
damn phone or answer the call?
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
- MAN: You tell 'em, lass!
Cruella!
Fred!
What are you doing here?
You're getting married tomorrow.
Yeah, well, not anymore.
What do you mean?
She called it off.
That's her on the phone,
isn't it? Hmm?
Maybe.
She wants you back.
Well, it's too late!
No, it isn't!
G...get off me!
I didn't come all this way
and do all that work
just to see you chicken out
'cause you're scared
you're marrying out of
your bloody league!
Security! Harassment!
That is my testicle! Get off me!
I don't want
your bloody testicle!
('LA BAMBA' CONTINUES)
MAN: (LAUGHS) Thank you!
(ANSWERS PHONE)
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
- Don't! Don't!
LAUREN: Ned, you there?
Ned?
If you're listening...um...
..I-I left my toothbrush
in Dad's car, so...
Look, Ned.
I was wrong
not to bring you here with me
so that we could meet
my family together.
Without you,
I wouldn't even be here.
I learnt the Tiwi word
for 'hello'
and the word for 'crocodile' -
yirrikipai.
And I learnt the word
for...'husband'.
And, Ned...
..I want you to be
my ngyiya-purnayi.
(CHUCKLES)
Look, I'll probably
send you crazy
with my bloody indecisiveness,
but if that's what you meant by
boxes of fairy floss, then...
I still want to marry you!
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
- Good lad!
Is that what you're asking?
Yes, that's what
I'm asking you.
I met my grandparents!
They're still alive!
Grandpa's the sweetest,
and Grandma, well...
..she thinks
I'm still Mum, but...
And how is your mum?
We had one conversation.
All I know is that
I want to marry you.
Me too.
Oh, but there is one little
proposal disclaimer.
Yes?
We have to get married on Tiwi.
- Tiwi?
- Yeah.
- Tomorrow?
- Yep.
Shouldn't be a problem.
Uh, look, um, I-I'll call you
as soon as I get back
to the house, OK?
OK.
Love you. (LAUGHS)
I love you too.
Thanks.
Oh, and tell everyone
it's a dry wedding.
- S-sorry, did you just...
- (HANGS UP)
Dry. Uh...
Hey, Cruella!
I...I mean Ms Hampton.
- Where are you going?
- I have to get back.
But the wedding's back on.
Well, you look after her, OK?
Because she is a special one.
No, no, you have to be
at the wedding.
Why?
You've always made it obvious
you don't even like me.
That's not...true. It's...
Look, the girls told me
what you've done.
How you've managed
the team and...
..got Trevor out the pantry.
You're part of the family now.
You have to be at the wedding.
Wouldn't be the same
without you.
(UKULELE MUSIC)
(TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG PLAYS)
FOXXY: Right there,
please, bub. Thank you.
Now it's time to get Foxxed.
(LAUREN LAUGHS)
Is that my necklace there?
You two have no shame helping
yourself to that jewellery.
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
Mum kept this for me
after all these years.
This was yours?
I hope that cake doesn't melt.
Everything melts here, Auntie.
Yeah, the only reason I go to
weddings is for the free booze!
It's about love.
Yeah. The love of champagne.
Here-la!
She looks deadly.
Well, she's OK.
NED: Trevor, the ferry!
('IF YOU LEAVE ME NOW' PLAYS)
(GROANS)
You're not going in there!
- If you leave me now..
- Not today!
You'll take away
the biggest part of me...
(GROWLS)
Ooh...
You...
..bastard!
- We're gonna miss the ferry!
- I'm not going!
- Yes, you are!
- No!
- They don't want me there!
- I don't care!
Everyone there will hate me!
Ruin this day
and Lauren will hate you too!
Is that what you want?!
Arggh! Oh!
Oh! Oh!
- You're bleeding.
- Oh, yeah, yeah!
- Oh, arggh!
- Let me get you a bandaid...
No, leave it,
leave it, leave it!
(WHINES)
Real men walk through glass.
- (WHIMPERS)
- Ohh!
I don't know
if Lauren told you, but...
..my dad died
about six years ago.
He, uh...
He was...
He was walking home from
the office late one night, j...
Some random guy fell asleep
behind the wheel and...
..and that was it.
Oh, what I wouldn't give
to have him up here
meeting you lot.
He would have loved
the Territory.
My dad can't be
at this wedding.
But Lauren's dad can.
Alright, I'll...
..I'll bloody do it.
- Shit!
- Yeah? Really?
You get me shoes, I'll get
the glass out of me foot.
(GROANS) Ohh!
- Yippee-ki-yay, mother...
- (BARKS)
Good dog.
Oh! Arggh!
We've missed the ferry.
Then we'll take The Bomber.
(QUIET CONVERSATION)
Hi. Hey!
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
Oy! (SIGHS NERVOUSLY)
He'll be here. Um...
Maybe just give him
a couple of minutes.
10/1 this isn't happening.
Stop doing that!
You're making everyone nervous.
He's two hours late and I'm
the one making them nervous?
It's fine.
Anyone got any jokes?
Mmm, yeah.
(CHER BARKS)
RONELLE: They made it!
Here we go.
DAFFY: Here, boy!
Here, boy! Here, boy!
- Come on!
- (WHINES)
Good boy. Good boy.
- Go on, then, hurry up.
- Hello, Mum.
They're here! They made it!
Thank you.
About time! (LAUGHS)
Oh!
- You're late.
- Terribly sorry.
There we go.
You look great.
Hey, you mob.
- Sorry I'm late. Sorry.
- (ALL GREET HIM)
Dad would have loved this.
Nice beard.
You like it?
Come on, now.
Yeah.
LAUREN: Oi, you mob.
I got a bloke to marry.
You good?
Yeah. We're good.
(UKULELE MUSIC)
(WOMEN SING
TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG)
(LAUGHS)
Awana.
(PRIEST SPEAKS TIWI)
We made it!
- Thank Christ!
- Wow.
- Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry.
- (LAUGHTER)
I think I want to be a chef.
- I could be married to a chef.
- Yeah?
But to be married to a chef,
I have to get married first.
- Right. Yeah.
- (LAUGHS)
Let's do this like a boss.
Hey, not yet. Hey, whoa!
(LAUGHTER)
- Shame job.
- Shit!
- Sorry! Again, sorry.
- (LAUGHTER)
Couldn't help myself.
ALL: Kuwa.
..for Lauren and Ned.
And what better place
to start that sharing journey
than right here on Tiwi land?
On country.
So...let's get these fellas
married up.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Yes!
(TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG PLAYS)
(WOMEN SING)
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Thank you!
(TRADITIONAL TIWI SONG PLAYS)
SONG: Something inside
sayin' don't you worry
It's all in good time,
no need to hurry
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry,
baby
We're on the train now
Here on the track,
the diesel's humming
You gotta watch out
You gotta know the beat
you're drumming
Didn't you know?
Didn't you know now?
Oh, oh, oh
All of the diamonds
All of the diamonds
in your pocket
Didn't you know now?
They're all for you, baby
They're all for you
Oh, oh, oh
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry, baby
Something inside
sayin' don't you worry
It's all in good time,
no need to hurry
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry,
baby
Hey, hey
Back on the track now
Every day is a silver dollar
Didn't you know now?
It ain't about
what's in your wallet
Didn't you know?
Didn't you know, child?
Oh, oh, oh
All of the diamonds
All of the diamonds
in your pocket
Didn't you know now?
They're all for you, baby
They're all for you,
baby
Oh, oh, oh
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry, baby
Something inside
sayin' don't you worry
It's all in good time,
no need to hurry
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry,
baby
Oh, oh, oh
Don't you worry
So don't give up on me
now, baby
Don't give up,
don't-don't give up
Don't give up on me now, baby
Don't give up,
don't-don't give up
Don't give up on me now, baby
Don't give up,
don't-don't give up
Don't give up on me now, baby
Don't give up,
don't-don't give up
Don't give up on me now, baby
Don't give up,
don't-don't give up
Don't give up on me now, baby
Don't give up
I got you, baby
Something inside
sayin' don't you worry
I got you, baby
All in good time,
no need to hurry
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry
I got you, baby
Don't you worry
I got you, baby
No need to hurry
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry
I got you, baby
It's all in good time
No need to hurry
So don't you worry, baby
Don't you worry
I got you, baby
Don't you worry
I got you, baby
No need to hurry
I got you, baby
So
So don't you worry
I got you, baby
All of the time
No need to hurry...
(BAND SINGS IN TIWI)