Torrente 4 (2011) Movie Script
The final guests are arriving for
what promises to be
"The Wedding of the Year"
The bride, Melanie Rocamora,
daughter and heiress
to Roman Rocamora,
a virtual dynasty
My family's musical too
sister plays the violin
and Dad sticks it in.
"Sticks it in",
Solis
Yes, sir.
Why does he
look like that?
Uh sir,
Torrente said he'd
wear his Sunday best.
Well, I've seen shit dress up
better than your friend there.
Not big on classical?
Classical is "The Candy
Man", this sucks.
- Back to France!
- I'm Bulgarian.
What, you want pity?
Hey what's this?
A spread of mousse, nuts
and cream of foi
with crispy licorice, sir.
How stuck-up is that?
What no Tootsie rolls,
pork rinds, chips?
This wedding blows.
Where did you dig up
this slimeball?
Don't let him fool you,
Oswaldo, Mr.Torrente
-is highly recommended.
- Yeah, by you.
Whaddaya got?
McCallan or Cardhu.
Here we go store brands
Serve me a bit of both.
Jerk.
An officer with prestige,
years of service on the force,
and, most vital
lots of poise.
What a work of art
I don't know who I like more:
grandma or granddaughter.
You're amazing, madam
for your age, that is.
Were it not for the huge
respect I have for you
and because I'm personally in
charge of wedding security,
I'd do you a favor
right here and now.
You are a crude man.
Enough or I call security
What are you saying?
I am security, ha ha.
Who could you be safer
with than yours truly, ma'am?
Your granddaughter has your
lashes, your nose...
...and your my God, what nipples!
They resemble a pair of missles.
Come here! Tell him
to go the fuck home,
hide him wherever,
but if I see him here again,
you'll both be
out on the street.
- Understand?
- Understood, Oswaldo.
Right away.
Hey! This isn't
a whorehouse.
Sorry, I have work.
- Not so fast.
- Let me be.
Let's see ooh,
laughing powder
- I'm security.
- What?
I have no choice but to report
this regrettable incident.
Oh, please, don't
tell my father!
Sorry, but it's my job.
Please!
Well, perhaps I could...
...look the other way.
Fabulous wedding for your
daughter, Rocamora.
A kid only yesterday.
Don't let it dry up.
Give it some spit, let it slide,
let that baby slide, yeah.
Regarding those matters, I hope we
don't end up angry with each other.
No I won't get angry,
I'll just cover my back
and defend whats mine.
Hey, you bit the head
with one of your teeth
Swallow, use some technique,
try the Peter Pan move.
Deep, ring that bell.
Like Greek yogurt, eh?
It's Spanish goat cheese.
Cream rises!
Uh, Torrente!
C'mon in, there's
plenty more!
Where you going
I was half done!
Man, why didnt you get some?
Jos Luis, you're gonna
get me in deep shit,
they'll fire me, and
with the crisis and all
I can't allow it, Jos Luis.
Look, kid, you're offending me.
I only took a second to
be human with the girl,
doesnt mean I
wasn't doing my job,
or wasn't on full alert.
I'm in total control shit!
What were you guys doing when
I walked in? It was the
Peter Pan move ...?
Nothing gets by you.
Shh I think the
curtain just moved.
Look, Torrente, look
what we have here!
This'll make 'em happy.
A "par-apache". Hand
over the roll, now!
What roll? This
camera's digital.
What digital? You
think I'm stupid?
The roll or you're mush.
OK, alright, here it is.
You shitting me?
Not the battery.
Jerk your mom off.
No, no, Jos Luis, the
pictures are inside.
- I had a vision.
- What did you see?
- it's only for you
- Yesss!
Nothing and no one will
ruin this wedding.
Paparazzi, paparazzi
paparazzi!
Jos Luis!
Prick! Watch him, he's
slippery. Outta here!
Get him, Jos Luis!
Back here, you twit!
Torrente, you're
screwing things up!
Get outta here!
You're making things worse.
You're creating a scene.
Come back, for Chrissake!
Come here! It's security!
Security!
Security!
It's a paparazzi!
- There, good, good!
- Jos Luis!
Don Jos Luis!
Daddyyyyy!
TORRENTE IV: Lethal Crisis
Since you passed on, things
arent the same, Fary.
Spain has gone to the dogs.
The whole world
is on the fritz.
Queers can get married now,
the Socialists have flushed
Spain down the tubes,
and in the White House,
there's a jungle bunny,
but not a cleaning man,
no he's the president!
It's like a joke.
What's next, a broad?
Yeah, I know we won the
World Cup last year,
but that doesnt count.
Most of the players
were barely Spanish.
What do you think?
Never mind.
Your spirit and music
will always be with us.
Damn!
Looks like I gotta
take a dump, Fary.
Some timing, huh?
Sorry, Fary.
At your service
or should I say mine.
You see: the dead get flowers
and the flowers get fertilizer.
Shame on you! Have
you nothing to say?
Have a Kleenex handy?
OK, ifs the flowers then.
Hey, cutie!
When's the next meal?
Two o'clock.
Torrente long time no see!
Hey, Cuadraclo, what are
you doing around here?
Trying to get by,
as you can see,
like everybody else.
I'm in such a slump,
if you only knew.
No need to say anything,
it's pretty obvious.
Here, I'll get you in.
Give me a break,
that's all I need.
Think I need charity
or welfare?
Sorry didnt mean anything.
Some of us still have class
not hard-up like this rabble.
Hardly any meat left,
used to be better.
All these people like
after the civil war.
Damn, kid, beat it! What
are you doing here anyway?
Get the tuck outta here!
I was here first.
No manners, no nothing.
Roasted pork, with the
skin still on it too.
People leave the best,
then they cry poverty.
Kids, didn't I tell
you to scram!
What uh, would
you like some?
I was wrapping up here,
I'll pass on dessert.
Serve yourself, boys enjoy!
Hey, Blondie!
Jules, you're better every day.
Hey, girls!
I'm working.
- Who, me?
- Come here a sec.
Hey, what's your name?
My name is Rin-Rin,
well, my real name is Julito,
but my dad sold alarm clocks,
so the kids re-named me.
That's a good one.
Uh could you spare a couple
of euros for the booths?
- I left my wallet home.
- Uh, no!
Know who I am?
Not really.
Of course not.
I'm Torrente.
Jos Luis Torrente.
Here, keep it.
Have you heard about
Operation Woxter Asia?
- Later Woxter Hong Kong.
- No.
I directed it entirely,
the whole shebang.
Go ahead and ask around the
hood! I even got a medal.
I was Number 1 on
the force for ages.
Then I quit, now I do only
top-of-the-line P.I. work.
Two euros, I just
wanna beat off.
I'll pay you back tomorrow.
It's not like I
need it. I'm loaded.
- Really?
- Yeah, dude!
Cool!
Getting filthy
rich is my dream.
I'd spend it on babes,
what I'd really like.
Sorry to interrupt, bud, but
the one I like just came out.
Jos Luis Torrente.
Secret Agent.
- Hey, mister!
- What the...?
- Am I bothering you?
- Isn't it obvious.
Madam, am I disturbing?
Leave my wife out!
Who's talking to you?
Lady, did I offend you?
Have I been obnoxious?
You're stunning, madam,
you're an exotic beauty.
Maybe a tad sad, like
something's missing.
Perhaps your husband isn't?
Kid, your mom and dad dont
- If you don't leave
- Manolo, please!
- Don't butt in, Encarni!
- He's sort of right.
- Encarni!
- Encarni-schmarni,
I don't get enough!
My wife says that and
there's hell to pay.
Good for nothing, you
ain't worth a dime.
- Shut up!
- Manolo, it's my mom.
- Mini dick!
- I was known as "Anaconda"!
- Worm dick!
- Wanna see my worm dick?
Time for a peek at the
worm, it's show time!
- Peek?
- Manolito!
Let me go!
- You're crazy!
- I'm dandy.
- Always a scene.
- Bug off!
Hey, no scenes!
- What scene?
- Please leave.
-I wanna show her.
- Sir, please leave.
- Mom, let's go don't touch me
- Leave me, get your hands off me!
Run or you'll
wind up an orphan.
Marital bliss, dear God.
The witch, the wicked witch!
Where's the broom, your broom?
Salaam malecum, poromperooo.
Want some wine, eh?
If you want wine,
then give me your "meat",
"meat", lots of meat.
What the fuck?
I swear on my fucking
what kind of shit is this?
- Sorry, Mr. Torrente, sorry.
- Pacheco!
Pacheco!
Didn't I expressly say my room
was off limits to Jesus himself?
Problem is we're nearly 30,
in only 53 square meters.
So? Two meters per person!
It's not like you pay enough
to live in Buckingham Palace!
Speaking of money,
it's been a bad month.
We only have half.
We haven't earned...
Whoa, don't even go there!
Pay up or I'll kick
all your butts out!
Fuck you all! Follow?
Torrente, give us a few days.
How about I give
you a swift kick?
What's up, Pacheco?
Hand it over! Now get
ready for this
- Lady, my money!
- No, my money!
And, by the way,
I've reported you.
The back rent I let slide,
but this subletting scam.
What subletting?
The flat is filthy as hell and
packed with illegals. I'm ted up.
What are you talking about?
My cousins from the islands
are visiting a few days.
Excuse me, one question: is
this where they rent rooms?
Oh, this is too much!
- These spics took the wrong stairs.
- Yeah
- We're looking for Mr. Torrente.
- There he is.
These people come with drugs
stuffed in their asses,
the bags explode, then
they all go nuts.
Go ahead, go in.
OK, that's enough.
Good morning, people!
How's everybody?
- Good morning, Torrente.
- Hey, what's up?
What's new, Tony? No "top-of-
the-morning" to a regular?
No more freebies, Torrente,
you owe me 36
"euros" in whisky.
Hold up, Tony. Are we or
are we not good buddies?
Give me some churros
and a Sol y Sombra.
Torrelavega will pay.
- I've paid dozens of times.
- I left my wallet somewhere.
Well, Damian will pay then.
What the fuck? What
do you think?
I'm the Bank of Spain? No way.
Perhaps that gentleman in
the rear will pay.
He's been looking for you.
- Sit down.
- Thanks.
Okay, I understand,
you've been looking for me?
That's right, Ramirez
spoke highly of you.
- Ramirez spoke highly of me?
- You might say so.
I won't beat around the bush.
The job we want done can't
be executed by just anyone.
A subtle piece of
investigation, I take it.
Not exactly, it's a
delicate matter.
It wouldn't be
illegal, would it?
It's totally illegal. You
have to kill someone.
Shit!
Whoa, kill someone
Ramirez, perhaps
he's the wrong man.
Wait, wait, wait,
if I have to kill, I kill.
- It wouldn't be the first time.
- So you have experience?
I was on the force
for quite a few years.
Where public safety is concerned,
pulling the trigger is a fact of life.
This would be different. It would
involve killing in cold blood.
If the money's right,
I'll kill every 8 hours,
before every meal, like
taking antibiotics.
Perfect, say no more.
It must look like an accident.
There's a picture inside.
In the envelope, you'll find his
address, schedule and habits,
and a small advance for expenses.
Thanks, that's very kind of you.
Splendid.
Hey, could sambo over
here give me a lift?
I'm pretty far from
my neighborhood.
Hey, brownie, open up.
In Colombia and third world
countries from the third world,
they'll kill you for a watch,
and in some places for
a crust of bread.
Luckily, we're in Spain,
where a person's life
has higher value.
They said they'd pay 30.000
euros for this job.
Fifty million pesetas
in old currency!
I'm ready to split it with
whoever lends a hand.
Needless to say, all
that I've said here
will remain in the strictest
and absolutest confidence.
- Is that clear?
- Yes
Great. Dismissed!
Look, the graffit idiots.
Hey, Torrente, count on us
to kill that guy for you!
Right on, Torrente.
He'll feel our pain!
It's impossible to keep
a secret in this country.
Stop, damn it, stop!
Hey, let me go!
Let go of me, please.
Hey, wait a second!
What's up?
- What's up?
- He was jerking off.
You gotta pay for that!
Okay, take it easy,
this kid
was relieving himself,
as part of his undercover
work as my assistant.
Who the hell are you?
Who am I?
I'm Jos Luis Torrente.
Have you never heard of
Operation Woxter Hong Kong?
We're working on a case of illegal
immigration and sex slavery.
So watch it, girls.
If you don't want to be part of a
roundup, you'd better split, move!
Bastard, slimedick!
Thanks, Torrente.
You're the best!
Dont mention it, kid.
Why were you on the street
relieving yourself like a clog,
with two Latin chimps
to boot, "Din Don"?
It's Rin Rin,Torrenle.
I was horny and was broke.
Women are just too much for me
I mean hookers.
Right. Money and broads.
The 2 euros you lent me will be
the best investment of your lite.
People who hang with me
usually get very lucky.
I give people luck.
I'm like a rabbit's foot.
- You plan to pay me back?
- Don't be silly.
You've got to get rid of that
mop. Mops are for homos.
I plan to quit, but
there's no other work.
It's obvious I could've done
this job alone in my sleep.
The thing is the mastermind of an
operation must never soil his hands.
That's why you're here,
you're my go-to crew.
I want to know who-knows-
what about executions.
Let's see, for example, this
Let me see,
who thinks this
weapon is lethal?
Yeahhh no?
Wrong! Too obvious!
This?
With that "brick", Torrente,
you could do real damage.
Wrong again, Rin Rin.
You're not too bright.
Who has a metro ticket?
This, this is a deadly weapon.
This in the right hands could sever
the jugular vein of any attacker.
Find something funny, Popi?
Come on, attack me!
Fuck your family!
How can I kill anyone
with this? It expired.
Stop complaining!
It was a clean cut, an inch higher
and your carotid is kaput, leaving you
mumbling the story.
Torrente, don't be a pig!
It doesnt kill, it only stuns.
Who else wants a whiff?
The five of us will go by car
to the El Campillo
housing development
the victim's home is there.
Pochito will watch
the north route,
Chancletas, the south.
Popi and Rin Rin, the gate.
There you'll aid Rin Rin,
who'll be the go-to guy
and I'll strategically
wait in the car.
Rin Rin, where-'s my boy?
Narciso, haven't I told
you a thousand times
to steer clear of riff raff?
- But, Juani
- Shut shut up,
before I slap you one.
I already forbid you from
being anywhere near my boy.
- Mom!
- Take that!
Don't back-talk me!
Madam, do you know
you're interrupting
a vital operation?
Who's this fat pig?
Why are you with these boys?
- You some "pedophiliac"?
- Lady!
Mom, ifs Torrente.
I said: Shut up!
Let's go home, what did
they do to you?
Shameless trash,
and you get on home!
You too, Rin Rin!
Get ready, because when I see
your mom, I'm telling
and you two little bastards,
I'm telling on you tool
Torrente, I gotta go
and change grandpa's diapers.
-Count on us
- Keep us informed.
There are no men left, kid.
Today's youth has no balls.
- What do we do, Torrente?
- Follow the plan.
I just realized you and
me can do the job alone.
We don't need anyone.
That way we get a bigger
share of the loot.
The truth is, Torrente, we haven't
discussed the "loot" part yet.
Everything has its moment.
When we pull the
job, we'll see.
I was thinking of something fair,
like 90/20, something you'd
feel easily comfortable with
I thought more like 60/40.
Have you gone mad?
You should pay me for the
privilege of my company!
I should charge you for
letting you be near me.
Torrente, no
Look, don't piss me
off with this trivia.
Who cares about bucks,
as long as I get mine?
We're going to spend
the whole advance.
Great, Torrentel
Sol say Manolito, put
it on my tab but
leave the bottle.
Torrente,
I've got a black pussy
thirsty for some milk.
No used goods, I have money.
I want hotties!
But Russian chicks are frigid.
And Spanish chicks: clingy,
ugly and wear mustaches.
C'mon, get out of here!
Hey handsome, wanna
have a good time?
OK.
- Torrentel
- Gotcha!
Don't be disgusting!
Caught you napping!
A cup of insert it
ammo methane bam!
Works every time!
The girls left, now what?
Ah, what the
Babes just don't get it.
They lack our sense of humor.
-sum
-Pig!
Shh, they may come back.
I'm gonna tuck all the sluts
in this joint, another round
Excuse me, would
you accompany me?
Are you throwing me out?
- More or less
- C'mon, I may lose it
This is the worst part
of surveillance, kid.
The down-time, I mean
what do you do?
Should we try
or Crosswords?
What if we jerk off 50-50?
You mean each other?
No, Torrente, to each his own.
Monogamy strikes again!
Kid, this is to honor the
manhood of a fellow mate.
- Your pizza
- Torrente, my pizza's here.
- You ordered a pizza?
- I'm starving.
BBQ-flavor, want some?
You're crazy, you're
not too well, kid.
This is the scene of the crime.
How could you order a pizza?
Look, Torrente, the
hookers are leaving.
At least this guy
is gonna die happy.
- Come on
- Let's go.
Right, kid, now let's
follow the plan.
You'll see how easy it is.
And up we go!
Look, Torrente.
I love easy money, babes
and them kinds of things,
but killing killing someone
I just can't I can't.
Ripping off a leg, an arm
What are you babbling about?
I just get this stirring inside.
it's like a panic attack, Torrente.
I never even killed a fly.
Faggot!
I'm gonna end up
doing it myself.
Look, you stay in the car,
be on the lookout. Hank the
horn if you see anything.
- Come on.
- Don't worry
And away we go!
Watch from the car!
What a fright okay,
the dog's on a chain.
Son of a bitch
Police! Don't move!
Murder One!
Whatever you say may be used
I have my legal rights!
Let me go, it's a mistake!
You've made a mistake.
You're making a mistake
Well
Everyone out!
ALHAURIN DE LA SIERRA
STATE PRISON
Leave items in the basket,
then move on to the booths
for a strip search.
Let's go
-I was a cop once.
- Right.
- The old kind, old school.
- Shit
Can I keep this calendar?
Look, when you suck
on the panties,
you can see her snatch.
Leave that crap too.
Let's go!
Come on, come on.
Joaquinesss
Jos Luis.
Don't you recognize
me, Jos Luis?
I'm Gregorio, your uncle.
What are you doing here?
Uncle Gregorio. They
told me you were dead.
Naturally, I'm the black
sheep of the family.
My mother, your grandma,
may she rest in peace,
told me how well
you were all doing.
I was so proud.
Especially of you.
Best cop on the force.
Number 1 in his class.
Here everyone knows the
class nephew I have.
How many in here did
you send to the Slammer?
I see you did tell everyone.
We don't like coppers here.
You'll eat your share of shit.
Here, kid
- Want some?
- Nah
- it's quite a zoo.
-Yeah.
Gotta keep both
your eyes open.
All talk, they're good kids.
Fucking pig! Now your
fate is in our hands.
You just wait, Fats!
Easy, the forks are plastic.
Sure, no sweat.
Everybody, calm down!
As long as I'm here, nobody
messes with Gregorio's
nephew, is that clear?
Wait here
You defend this stinking pig?
Hey, I'll slice you up!
Motherfucker, I'll kill you!
Those are brass balls!
Mr. Gregorio
you're like a father
to me in here.
So, I'm like your cousin.
Torrente, while I'm here,
nothing will happen to you.
Great, that's very reassuring
because I have a certain
- Peralta, it's you again.
- What, why me?
Torrente! If you need
anything, I'm your man.
Good to know, good to know.
Let go, assholes!
How do you score, "Teeth"?
Women like men who know
how to dress, with style,
culture, a good complexion.
That's why I'm a hit
with the bitches.
Hey "lvlustache", don't be
putting things in my ear.
What do we have here,
a queens convention?
Let's see, wiseguy,
you haven't seen my buds
when they get fired up?
Not lately, no.
- Listen, look, I
- No, you look.
The jail's full of fairies,
but who knows I might enjoy
having a fat and ugly one
with a droopy ass like yours.
The thing is: I fuck anything.
My ass is sacred,
ifs like a temple.
Nothing gets in.
A fart escapes now and then,
maybe even a fine sausage
Don't wanna mess up my pipes.
Maybe you need to
open your door some.
Dilate it, open it a crack.
Boys, boys, boys!
What do I always say: Hand
games are bad man games.
Come on,
see you in awhile,
in the showers or
Come on, come on.
Let's go, let's go.
Go to the yard and play
with your mates.
So, you're one
of the new ones.
Already making friends.
Father, those people
were homosexuals.
And killers too.
They carry knives.
I'll report them to
the proper authorities.
Do you think the Lord would
welcome your being a snitch?
You're a good Christian
I get the impression
you're a benevolent man,
with a great heart
I'm never wrong.
Would you like to partake in
the prison parish activities?
You mean praying and all that?
No, not praying.
Don't be silly.
Together like brothers,
members of a church
Together we're walking
to see Christ our Lord
Oh Loooooooooord,
If I hook ya, gonna fuck ya
Father! What do you think?
Wrote it for my missus
who's as bad as they come,
but I love her sick.
Right, very good,
very nice, Joaquin.
You'll come to realize
God didn't give
you this calling.
Perhaps you should return to
playing sports in the yard or
arts and crafts,
that sort of stuff.
What are you saying, Father?
Fuck that shit!
I'm outta here, damn shithead!
Boys!
Joaquin
is no longer with us!
Right on, Father
only those who know
how to sing can stay.
What a bitch, so they
set you up, eh?
You said it
it's a heavy charge.
I gotta get out of here,
to clean my honor
and get revenge.
There must be a way.
There-'s a prisoner: "Colibri",
the humming bird.
He's been planning an escape
digging a tunnel for years.
He's almost finished
Maybe,
if I talk to him
This, this is the cell.
It cost me smokes to see him.
How do you do it, uncle?
You maneuver like
you're at home.
It's been many
years, my boy.
What a guy! Let's go.
I told you. Freedom
is right here.
Always a pussy involved.
A creature, I saw a
That's no creature, it's a man.
This is "Colibri".
What the fuck?
Hi, Mr. Colibri. My name is
Jos Luis Torrente. A pleasure.
"ML Colibri"
Fuck me and my fucking rep.
Three years of digging
with a spoon for this
Hey, come on,
don't be like that.
This man would drown
in a glass of water.
He-'s small enough.
Today, I finally
reached the end,
and what do I see
through the hole?
The end of the tunnel
is right
right below the wall
where the guards patrol.
Don't tell me you
drew the map wrong?
Never happen to me.
You miscalculated.
You gotta pay special attention
to height and angle, that's it.
Gregorio, make him disappear
before I rip his eyes out!
What could I do?
Here's this Cuban
eyeing my girl's ass,
saying I love you baby,
I wanted to hit him,
which is what i did, that's
what I did, Torrente.
Instead of receiving a medal,
I got sent here like a criminal.
It's not not fair.
No, it isn't.
What why are you in jail?
I killed a man!
He must've done something
to piss you off.
Yeah, he looked at me.
I know how to do it
Like they did it in
"Victory" with Stallone.
You know that World
War I flick?
They were in a
"consecration" camp,
and played a match against the
Nazis, escaping at halftime.
Movies are not my thing.
But it premiered after 1972
It was a huge hit!
Anyway, we'll do it too.
We'll organize a big match,
a real spectacle of
rivals, Atleti-Real Madrid!
Against the guards.
And escape through the tunnel.
He's bright, huh?
We'll need a car outside
But I got that covered,
don't worry, I have a
team of professionals.
Very nice, Manolito,
they look real.
You look like someone else.
Are the lashes yours?
No, I put on a little makeup.
- Bring the ...?
- Yes, Torrente.
Super, it's key.
Yes, sir.
I need to tell you the exact
date and time of the match.
Jos Luis and Maruja Soler
pass to the visitors' quarters.
You have 15 minutes.
Here you are, hurry up!
You wouldn't believe what it
took to get that thing in,
and to pull it out
I decided to
Tie a string to
it like a Tampax.
Here it is.
What the fuck
- What shit is this?
- Mine.
Let's see, you inserted
that in there unwrapped?
Believe me it wasn't easy.
You wanted it gift-wrapped?
No, man, just a little plastic,
cellophane, something
The important thing is that
it has a battery and it works.
I tried it, it buzzes.
I'm sure you spent half the
afternoon calling yourself.
You say the darndest things!
Come on, wrap it up!
We'll need a car right away.
- Be ready for my call
-Yes, sir.
Uh, Torrente,
since we're already here,
do you want me to
Say what ...? How can you
be such a degenerate?
Mr. Castano, it's a
pleasure and an honor
to be in the office of
a Real Madrid supporter.
I saw you out of respect to your
uncle, dean of prisoners here
but let me tell you from the outset
that arranging a match won't be easy.
Here, the rabble
uh, the prison population, lacks
camaraderie and sportsmanship.
You're tighter than right.
It's a question of motivation.
I'm just the person to
inculcate in these people
the competitive spirit.
You know, I
I was a junior player for
Real Madrid when I was a kid.
They called me the Dark
Arrow, say no more.
What memories
What a time.
It just occurred to me
Why don't you personally
manage the guards' team?
Manage, at my age?
You tempt me, Torrente
You tempt me.
- Skipper, me me!
- Nah, I want stars, stars
Nothing but wannabes here
Historically, South
Americans just aren't
good at soccer.
Look at him, he's
got a nice touch.
Gimme a break, man.
He's black.
So what?
Wasn't Pele black?
He was the best
player of all time.
- That's true.
- Right.
Let' see. Hey, boy,
Bimbu, bimbu,
Ankawa, ale!
Again the cops I no
just arrive, I Spanish!
Spanish! Fuck me!
Pirate DVD, I no
know. I friend.
Soccer, you like soccer?
Play with monkeys,
back in jungle?
He understands "nada".
Throw him the ball
Ball.
Fuck, he does
have a touch.
Give him a pack of smokes,
he's on our team.
Bumbu, bumbu, guay
Come here, come on
Don't be afraid, dude!
Fight,
tactics, freedom,
feeling, yeah
Team spirit
The ol'red-and-white!
- Peralta, please.
- Yes, sir.
Let's begin with
some technique
"Mustache", "Teeth", go!
Some respect, damn it.
You act like kids!
Come on, listen up a bit, the
We have fake strikers,
fake backs, we got 'em all.
Above all, we have
fake defenders.
The only authentic
guy is the goalkeeper.
We'll play the "fake-out".
Coach,
why not use two strikers
and attack from the sides?
This way the midfield
will be in closer too.
Look kid,
shut up if you have
nothing to say.
Respect experience.
Hey, you're off the team
Get outta here!
Bastard.
Hey Torrente, Iet's
play "Tiki-Taka".
Can someone translate?
- Mr. Castano.
- What?
- How goes it? Coaching eh?
- Looks like it.
Where was I this kid
haven't I seen him before?
He's my nephew.
So he's not a
staff employee?
No, he-'s studying for
a civil service job,
but let's not get all bent
out of shape over players now.
After all, it is
a friendly match.
We're gonna crush you!
Hey! Shave it!
There he is!
He's Bazooka Boy, Torrente!
Bah, lighten up
He lacks technique. He-'s
all brute strength. Boom!
I may not know too much,
but I do know how to train.
Are we men or are we queers?
Come on, let's go!
Move, go, go!
Yeah, you're machine!
Up, up, there you go!
That's it, very good!
No pain
lift that black ass,
move that rear,
that's it, keep it up!
Alright, sprint, sprint!
- 5, 6, 7!
- There you go!
Yeah, let's go!
Very good, very good
I'm strong as an ox.
Don't worry about me.
You don't worry me,
I only worry that if you
insist on coming with us
you endanger the operation.
Baloney, Jos Luis, you
won't even know I'm here.
OK Dioni, what are
you staring at?
The bikes.
- I thought vans were your thing.
- They were.
-Jos Luis Torrente?
- That's me.
- I was looking for you.
- Me?
We've heard
that you're the
most virile prisoner,
the best hung here.
Yeah, a real sex machine!
My reputation precedes me.
My friends and I
would like a sample demo.
A demo, huh?
You'll have to earn it.
Strip and dance for me
like disco sluts.
Eenie meenie, miney moe,
check the ass out on this hoe
Don't care for this one.
This one's like a peach
full of fuzz and all.
Take that thong off
and join me in the cell.
Ooh, oh, let's go, yeah!
Grrrr, Joaquiness!
With your shit backed up, I
figured you need a massage.
Wait a moment,
you don't look so hot.
I'm OK, I just
had a nightmare.
Cheer up, okay?
If all goes well tonight,
we-'II soon be free men
doing a few lines, banging
bitches right and left,
popping pills like
mad, Torrente
- Like normal people.
- Great.
I like you optimistic.
Here, make a call.
Why me?
- It doesn't bite.
- I don't wanna ...
-Take it.
-Okay.
Careful!
-Tony
-Tony
it's in "contacts".
Man, this smells, Torrents-I
What do you want? It
smells like a phone.
Damn!
It's Bakelite, which
has a special smell.
- Bakelite
- Yes, Bakelite.
You just don't know it.
That team looks like
thunder rolling in
They're so cute
A killing machine.
Probably recruited locally
to intimidate us.
Amateurs!
I bet if you threw the ball
at them they'd run for cover.
Let's throw 'em a beating.
Show them who we are!
Let's go, kill 'em!
Come on!
Let's go, cheer
the boys on!
You're our side?
Alright, okay, alright
Those should be banned.
Illegal footwear,
too phosflourescent,
they blind my players!
Come on
Joaquiness!
Way to go!
Fucking hell!
Hell of a goalkeeper
What foosball game
did we get him from?
He's your "find", T!
Hey ball-hogs, pass
me the ball.
I'm all alone here!
Don't sweat up a
storm Don't sweat
Now, let's split, kid.
How can we leave the bench?
lt'd look suspicious, Torrente.
You're right
Well, even a master
plan has its flaws.
I have an idea.
Goikotxoa!
Hey, you're Basque, right?
From Bilbao.
You like violence?
Look, you're gonna kick the
black guy with all your might.
But, he's on our team!
You never see the big picture.
I'm the strategist, not you.
How about following
orders without a word?
Go, pick him up.
Right.
Did you see that tackle?
Damn, it was criminal.
- A red card, at least.
- It was your guy.
Well, the injured must
go to the infirmary.
Don't worry, one of
the guards can do it.
Do you know any Atletico
player who'd abandon his men?
You just don't want to
see the massacre.
Okay, go ahead, it's obvious you
can't stand the humiliation.
Go, go on
We'll have to leave "this"
somewhere. Here, here There.
They broke my leg, Torrente,
my leg is broken, man!
Look you black bastard,
don't be a crybaby,
I know injuries and
it's only a sprain.
Two days of rest and
Arsenal will sign you!
And stop yelling, people
are taking naps.
Let's go. Everything's ready.
The game-'s at fever pitch.
In daylight, this looks
a lot smaller.
It looks kid-size. An average
person can't fit in there.
Of course an average person
can fit in there. I do.
What doesn't fit is
a fat slob like you.
Oh, insults now? You see
I distract the guards, arrange for
a car at the door and he disses me.
Stop arguing. It you want,
I'll go first, just in case.
Going first is always risky.
Shut up, go in, uncle.
- Shall I go?
- Come on.
-Go Gregorio!
-Go!
Ahhh, let's go shit
Okay, uncle, everything's
cool. Now Peralta, careful
Let's go.
Bye bye birdie!
- Watch it with my ass!
- Right, I got nothing better to do.
Fucking midget moron!
I don't know if I can
borrow the van again.
So we go in Tony's car.
No one touches my car!
They tried to involve
me in their escape.
Naturally, I had no idea.
Jesus, how could I let them
lead me on or be so blind?
At least we stopped
the breakout.
That, plus we
mauled your team.
It was a tragedy.
I tried to convince them
not to, but
they beat me badly.
That's why I
brought Escamilla,
one of our finest men
one of our men to watch over
you night and day.
With your permission,
I have to join the boys in our
victory celebration, you know.
Father, I can't seem
to get out of my head
all those people buried in
the rubble, asphyxiated,
all dead.
Well, not all,
luckily, Gregorio survived.
My Uncle Gregorio,
Uncle Gregorio.
Thanks for saving him, Lord
Despite being the instigator
and mastermind
After all that's happened,
he is still family.
-Jos Luis lies.
- Tries?
- Tries what?
- Doesn't tell the truth.
Probably begging for
drugs. He had a habit.
- He's incredibly bad.
- Someone's glad.
- Mother fucker.
- He said "mother fucker".
- He lies
- Air
- He can't breathe.
- He needs mouth-to- mouth.
- Be my guest.
Airrr ...
The light, uncle,
follow the light,
seek the light.
We-'re nothing.
My son, I know this is
a difficult moment and
ifs okay if you say no,
but tomorrow are
the Inmate Choir Regionals.
We'd love to count on you
and your voice.
How can you be so heartless
at a time like this?
My uncle is still present.
When does the bus leave?
Okay, okay, okay.
Very good, boys.
Alright, okay, fine thanks.
It was really quite hard
to get "leave" passes
for the choir competition.
Li's paramount we exhibit
manners and the best behavior
we're capable of.
Hey Montanilla,
have you no shame?
Apologize to Father
Tobias right now!
You should all learn
from Jos Luis.
His voice is fair, but
he's found a niche here,
thanks to his team spirit
and Christian ways.
Thanks Father, learn from
me. Let's sing!
What joy when we discovered
we were bound to see the Lord
Look, Montanilla, when ifs
your turn to do the solo,
don't put on that crow's
face. It doesn't suit you.
Very, very ugly.
Father, I don't mean to
when I concentrate,
this is my face.
Father Tobias is still
giving ii a shot.
Wait till we beat the
shit out of your
singing chimps.
Father, there's a real spiritual
feeling among the clergy here.
He's just a jealous member
of the Piarist Order.
Don't worry, Father. I've
seen the boys rehearse a bit
and they don't stand a chance.
I know.
Before we begin, I just wanted
to ask a favor: I gotta crap.
You're too much. Leave it to you
to always come up with something.
"Opening night" jitters.
Go to the bathroom, let's
see if your voice clears up.
I'll go with you.
Okay, right
What are you guys
in for -- singing?
Leave the door open.
I'm planning to unload a
big one, so be advised.
Okay, close the door.
But no funny stuff,
I'm a quick trigger.
Relax, one dump and I'm out.
Boys, we follow the plan.
We're down here, Torrente.
You through?
Open up or I'm coming in!
Fucking shit!
Stop or I shoot!
Fucking
- Run, Torrente, run!
- Wait up!
Torrente, we'll
never forget you.
- Run, Torrente!
- Wait!
Pull me up!
Pull me, pull!
- Pull me!
- Pull the chain.
Hold on, Torrente!
Who the fuck is driving?
How're we doing, Torrente?
We' re fucked!
We have a shotgun.
What's this? This is only
good for supermarket holdups.
You're wrong, it
packs a wallop.
I filmed it all on
my cell. Wanna see?
Not now. Come on,
more cartridges.
We only brought one.
I don't believe it!
Let's head to the gas station.
They won't shoot at us there.
Right, we'd all go
up in smoke there.
Civil Guard on the grill!
Fill 'er up.
Torrente, what are you doing
here. Weren't you in jail?
Shh, bitch, I'm incognito.
My black pussy is
thirsty for milk.
Not that pussy again! It stinks,
it must be dead by now.
- I'm seeking information.
- Will the yellow pages do?
Isn't she funny my
sweet little honey?
I'm looking for Rin Rin, that
kid who hangs out with me.
You mean
the mongoloid-looking one
who could be
a relative of yours?
Uh I don't know
You' re all leeches!
Here, take that
it's almost 2 euros!
Your friend's up there
in one of the rooms.
Why's he doing that?
Hey, the door!
There you are!
So, Judas, spending all you
got for selling me out?
I can explain, you
got it all wrong.
No need to explain.
Come here, come here.
You shit
- Excuse me, ladies.
- Who's that?
-Very nice.
-Again!
- It'll be worse if you run.
- Torrente, don't be crazy!
The race is over.
Don't get any closer, I'll
jump. I swear on my mother!
No need to jump,
I'll push you off.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Oh shit, I'm scared stiff.
-You sold me out.
- It was more of a rental.
"Rental"? Come here.
Come here, kid!
What are you doing? You're
breaking one of my ribs!
I'll bash your head!
I was broke, I didn't
imagine you in jail.
What you didn't imagine
was me breaking out.
What are you doing?
Like we used to be, remember?
We did it anywhere.
Oh, hush up!
Torrente, I'm sorry.
I regret what I did, really.
You wretched shit!
At least tell me
who ratted on me.
I don't know!
All I know is Ramirez
paid me off, but
not who he works for
That we're gonna
find out right now!
You don't know how
bad I felt these days.
You're like an idol to me.
And, of course, I thought:
what would Torrente do?
Look, kid, how much money
did they give you anyway?
At least 3.000 euros.
Couldn't turn that down.
Torrente, have I ever told
you that I love you?
Yeah, well, truth is I
kind of like you too.
- Give me a hug, Torrents!
- Don't go gay on me,
that's all I need.
What's this, Torrente?
"Friends of Ecuador"?
Yeah, we're here for my gun.
This place is tighter than
a virgin's pussy.
You leave for 3 days
and they go nuts.
What, not again?
You've gone too far!
Sorry, Mr. Torrente,
weren't you in the slammer?
I mean, "on holiday".
Look, he was jerking
off to a photo of yours.
It's true, that's me.
Where did you get this?
The computer's mine,
I'm a programmer.
I came across the memory card
in that drawer by chance.
So that was a real roll
of film, after all
Now what we came for.
Don't shoot, sir, I beg you,
in the name of Baby Jesus.
I'll do what you want
Right now, shut up.
You make me nervous.
Take it easy,
these bullets already have
a name carved on their skin.
That carved name must
be the brand, Torrente.
And it's a chassis, not "skin".
Bullets don't really have skin.
- He's half-jerk, huh?
- This kid's a retard.
Oh, darling
why didn't you tell me you
invited friends for dinner?
- Friends, what friends?
- See
I told you, madam,
he's forgetful.
Well, Torrente
Heavens to Betsy
what brings you here?
Always joking,
you invited my nephew and
I for a home-cooked meal.
Super!
Of course, right,
I forgot.
- Was it today?
- Today? You crack me up.
Oh, you sly dog,
top secret, eh?
A pair of honeys like these.
Especially the oldest,
sooo well-fed.
- isn't it late for her to be up?
- You're right.
Gladys!!
Cutie, off to beddy-bye
Sweet dreams with Uncle
Torrente, hmm?
You need rest so your tits
grow big like your sister's.
See you later.
Look at those tears!
Madam, you don't know what
close friends Tinin and I were
in the army at Melilla ...
real bosom buddies.
Agustin, you never talked
to me about your old pal.
You know I like keeping
some things private
He's so uptight.
With my looks, I
stole his girls.
Uncle, isn't this the guy who
used to swing hot both ways?
What are you saying?
Don't be silly.
Excuse the kid, he has
such a loose tongue.
Your husband wasn't gay.
We just pleased each other
any way we could in the army.
Tinin was a good doggy.
Hogwash, Torrente.
I have something to
discuss, come with me.
Of course Rin Rin.
Madam,
sir, excuse us.
Torrente, you're mad showing
up here talking trash.
Who the fuck sold me out?
Besides this one the boss?
Copping a feel or what?
Torrente, an iPhone 4,
it's the latest.
Can I keep it?
Sure, he won't use it.
Super, Torrente.
Shoot me if you want,
I won't say a peep,
nothing, got it?
Torrente, let me.
Rocamora, Roman Rocamora
planned it all
Queers!
That's the boss whose wedding
I offered my services to.
Services? You were the
laughingstock of all Spain.
Bride's still in therapy.
Rocamora'll kill yaaa!
Out of there, fagqots!
Run, kid, come on!
Run, kid, run!
Let me , let me
Damn, let go!
Let me go. Queers!
Hard-up pervs ...!
I'll get you
Your triglycerides!
I missed them shit!
Okay, so it's clear: Rocamora.
What did that rat Ramirez say?
Weak point is his girl.
We have a photo of that babe.
That's our tool of revenge.
Torrente, how do you get
revenge with a photo?
Kid, you're so thick!
We-'II blackmail him.
Blackmail
Can we change the music?
My mother spends all clay
listening to this folk stuff.
Drives me up a wall.
How about some hip-hop?
Out of the car, kid.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
There-'s nothing more sacred
in the world than El Fary's music.
Who? El "Fali"?
Did you say El "Fali"?
How is it possible that
anyone doesn't know
who El Fary is?
Torrente, don't be like that.
Please don't cry.
Come on, cheer up,
just a little bit.
Shall we jerk off a bit?
Sir, I swear I don't
know what happened.
I didn't know
how to react.
Really Mr. Rocamora,
he's an imbecile.
That much I know.
But he's a dangerous imbecile.
We shouldn't have problems,
sir, he's an idiot.
It would be better if he
were in jail again soon.
No, better if he-'s not.
Since you divulged my name,
I think he should
disappear for good.
Look Torrente,
an anonymous note.
I've seen these in the movies.
Great, let me sign it.
Something! wrong
if we mail it, they'll
take forever to answer.
Right, the ideal thing would
be to call and read it to them.
- Who's got Rocamora's number?
- We do.
This guy's number was on
Ramirez's cell. Here, call him.
I have a special
voice distorter.
You're so smart
- What's this?
-I told you, sir.
He surprised me
Yes
- Can I speak with Mr. Rocamora?
- Speaking. Who is it?
- Torrente.
- Torrente who?
Jos Luis Torrente.
Listen, we have your daughter.
- What?
- Well, not physically.
- We have photos.
- What kind of photos?
- Not the First Communion kind.
Son of a...
Quick! Trace the call!
More-ti, to the pool now!
How do I know you really
have photos of Melanie?
I never lie.
Judge her cock-sucking talent
yourself in an interviu pinup.
You demand ...?
A sworn testimony
admitting you were
Fontanelli's murderer,
to clear my name.
Or give me a million euros
and I'll clear it myself
from a Caribbean beach.
- Torrente!
- What now?
Tell him to throw in another
That's a lot of money.
Okay, nix the 20.000 euros!
Wait a sec,
you spend that in toilet
paper at your mansions.
I hate bulk so bring
only large bills
in a duffel bag.
Deliver it at 4
to Full Moon Mall
at the Mercedes
Business Park.
Don't hang up
No prob, it's Ramirez's phone.
it's not costing me a cent.
My men will make the
delivery at four.
What, you think I'm stupid?
If you don't come personally,
no God on earth will
be able to save you.
Understood.
We got him
I'll see you there
Very well, good.
Regards to your girl
from our private parts.
Hustle, move it!
And don't return
without his head!
- Van with the "Scream Team" now!
- More-ti, join 'em
it's done.
- Always be alert.
- What is that?
I shit myself, Torrente, I shit myself.
Nincom-poop!
More-ti, get him!
Miss, we're looking
for Jos Luis Torrente.
Torrente, that slime.
Look, let me tell
you something,
not another "renter"
comes in here,
I'm fed up to the
depths of my snatch.
Say what, lady?
What am I saying? Out,
or I call the cops!
- But, madam
- Madam? ma'am? mad...
That's enough, lady. Tell me
where Torrente is or you fly!
Sons of bitches!
Let me go, you bastards!
Let me go!
Stop, let that woman go!
Torrente, they let her go.
Run, kid, run.
To the flat!
Run, Torrente, run!
Embarrassing!
This government is a sham.
They said they'd give
first 500 immigrants
at the Ministry and
free residency!
Long live Spain!
Flattened out, crushed.
Hold on, kid, the
fun's about to begin.
What if it's a trap?
Nah, Rocamora played and lost.
He knows I'm serious.
He won't try anything
funny, especially here.
You're an ace,
you're super!
It'll be like taking
candy from a child.
Hey, hand that over.
My Popsicle.
A yellow Popsicle
and he looks chink.
Torrente, it's almost 4.
- H-hour.
- No, 4.
You come alone?
- The photos?
- Here,
inside.
- No copies?
- My word as a Legionaire.
Anyway, we don't know how.
Sure all the money's there?
My word as a man of honor.
I better count it then.
Here? Surrounded by
all these people?
Be my guest.
Torrente, I say
ifs all there.
We'd better go.
I trust you, we're
all honest here.
Good.
We have 'em, get the
money and kill them.
It's the security guy.
Rocamora tricked us. Run!
You said "nothing funny".
They lack scruples. Go!
We need kids to
use as shields.
Shh, nice and easy,
drop the money bag
or I kill this cretin
Cretin, cretin, your
mother's a cretin!
Damn, this kid has
a thing for falls!
Out of the way, jerk!
I should've done this
long ago, Torrente.
As the saying goes,
you want something done,
do it yourself.
Or have a mate do it.
Like a hand job.
Rin Rin, hey kid
God, what a sad creature,
in the prime of life.
Dim-witted, but a good kid.
I'll spend all this
money in your name.
- it's nothing.
- Hookers.
- Nothing happened.
- Champagne.
- A 30-meter yacht.
- I'm OK!
- Shut up!
- I'm super!
-I won't forget.
- Forget who?
Shut up, you were supposed
to be dead. Goddamit!
I'm super!
A tire conked me one
Good, good, I'm glad.
I'll give you your 2 percent.
Only 2 percent?
That one!
- He offered you sweets?
- No.
Torrente, they got us.
This can only be bad.
- The chink.
- It was him!
Look who we have here.
Thanks, kid, we've hunted
for this guy a long time.
Patrolling the city in
his car aii night, non-stop
He works in law enforcement,
a friend you call "the cop"
The dangers that he faces
are those that he must stop
His duty is to society,
to ensure it doesn't flop
He patrols the city
He patrols the city
in his car all night
patrols the city
patrols the city
He patrols the city
in his car all night
He patrols the city
Criminals and hooligans
Violence and such
He does the work of God with
devotion and His touch
He'd just as soon save a pooch,
as die in the line of duty
Or prevent a holdup at a bank
and recover all the booty
He patrols the city
What do you want,
you come looking for me,
with all your tears
and bawling
you make a foo! out of me.
Go and leave with the wind
and take your suffering fan
What do you want,
let bygones be gone,
I'll bear you no grudge
now decide and move on.
You stole my money
and you stole my love.
If I hook ya, gonna fuck ya
you used to tel!
me all the time
You stabbed me over and over,
my blindness was the crime.
If I hook ya, gonna fuck ya
always the same story
Stupidly felt our love
was bound for glory
Oh, yeah
I've heard others say
that you hardly have a dime
that you come for something else
like a bed from time to time.
Find another you can squeeze,
and another you can bleed.
I don't wanna judge you
but now I'm better oft
when I remember what we had
it never was enough.
I was a foo! in love
but all that's over now.
If I hook ya, gonna fuck ya
always the same of' story
Stupidly thought our love
was bound for glory.
Bye-bye, I wish you we!!
Now it's time to
sound the bell
Bye-bye you ne'er do we-H.
Bye-bye, I wish you we!!
Now it's time to
sound the bell
Bye-bye you ne'er do we-H.
Hey, Father Tobias,
You asshole!
what promises to be
"The Wedding of the Year"
The bride, Melanie Rocamora,
daughter and heiress
to Roman Rocamora,
a virtual dynasty
My family's musical too
sister plays the violin
and Dad sticks it in.
"Sticks it in",
Solis
Yes, sir.
Why does he
look like that?
Uh sir,
Torrente said he'd
wear his Sunday best.
Well, I've seen shit dress up
better than your friend there.
Not big on classical?
Classical is "The Candy
Man", this sucks.
- Back to France!
- I'm Bulgarian.
What, you want pity?
Hey what's this?
A spread of mousse, nuts
and cream of foi
with crispy licorice, sir.
How stuck-up is that?
What no Tootsie rolls,
pork rinds, chips?
This wedding blows.
Where did you dig up
this slimeball?
Don't let him fool you,
Oswaldo, Mr.Torrente
-is highly recommended.
- Yeah, by you.
Whaddaya got?
McCallan or Cardhu.
Here we go store brands
Serve me a bit of both.
Jerk.
An officer with prestige,
years of service on the force,
and, most vital
lots of poise.
What a work of art
I don't know who I like more:
grandma or granddaughter.
You're amazing, madam
for your age, that is.
Were it not for the huge
respect I have for you
and because I'm personally in
charge of wedding security,
I'd do you a favor
right here and now.
You are a crude man.
Enough or I call security
What are you saying?
I am security, ha ha.
Who could you be safer
with than yours truly, ma'am?
Your granddaughter has your
lashes, your nose...
...and your my God, what nipples!
They resemble a pair of missles.
Come here! Tell him
to go the fuck home,
hide him wherever,
but if I see him here again,
you'll both be
out on the street.
- Understand?
- Understood, Oswaldo.
Right away.
Hey! This isn't
a whorehouse.
Sorry, I have work.
- Not so fast.
- Let me be.
Let's see ooh,
laughing powder
- I'm security.
- What?
I have no choice but to report
this regrettable incident.
Oh, please, don't
tell my father!
Sorry, but it's my job.
Please!
Well, perhaps I could...
...look the other way.
Fabulous wedding for your
daughter, Rocamora.
A kid only yesterday.
Don't let it dry up.
Give it some spit, let it slide,
let that baby slide, yeah.
Regarding those matters, I hope we
don't end up angry with each other.
No I won't get angry,
I'll just cover my back
and defend whats mine.
Hey, you bit the head
with one of your teeth
Swallow, use some technique,
try the Peter Pan move.
Deep, ring that bell.
Like Greek yogurt, eh?
It's Spanish goat cheese.
Cream rises!
Uh, Torrente!
C'mon in, there's
plenty more!
Where you going
I was half done!
Man, why didnt you get some?
Jos Luis, you're gonna
get me in deep shit,
they'll fire me, and
with the crisis and all
I can't allow it, Jos Luis.
Look, kid, you're offending me.
I only took a second to
be human with the girl,
doesnt mean I
wasn't doing my job,
or wasn't on full alert.
I'm in total control shit!
What were you guys doing when
I walked in? It was the
Peter Pan move ...?
Nothing gets by you.
Shh I think the
curtain just moved.
Look, Torrente, look
what we have here!
This'll make 'em happy.
A "par-apache". Hand
over the roll, now!
What roll? This
camera's digital.
What digital? You
think I'm stupid?
The roll or you're mush.
OK, alright, here it is.
You shitting me?
Not the battery.
Jerk your mom off.
No, no, Jos Luis, the
pictures are inside.
- I had a vision.
- What did you see?
- it's only for you
- Yesss!
Nothing and no one will
ruin this wedding.
Paparazzi, paparazzi
paparazzi!
Jos Luis!
Prick! Watch him, he's
slippery. Outta here!
Get him, Jos Luis!
Back here, you twit!
Torrente, you're
screwing things up!
Get outta here!
You're making things worse.
You're creating a scene.
Come back, for Chrissake!
Come here! It's security!
Security!
Security!
It's a paparazzi!
- There, good, good!
- Jos Luis!
Don Jos Luis!
Daddyyyyy!
TORRENTE IV: Lethal Crisis
Since you passed on, things
arent the same, Fary.
Spain has gone to the dogs.
The whole world
is on the fritz.
Queers can get married now,
the Socialists have flushed
Spain down the tubes,
and in the White House,
there's a jungle bunny,
but not a cleaning man,
no he's the president!
It's like a joke.
What's next, a broad?
Yeah, I know we won the
World Cup last year,
but that doesnt count.
Most of the players
were barely Spanish.
What do you think?
Never mind.
Your spirit and music
will always be with us.
Damn!
Looks like I gotta
take a dump, Fary.
Some timing, huh?
Sorry, Fary.
At your service
or should I say mine.
You see: the dead get flowers
and the flowers get fertilizer.
Shame on you! Have
you nothing to say?
Have a Kleenex handy?
OK, ifs the flowers then.
Hey, cutie!
When's the next meal?
Two o'clock.
Torrente long time no see!
Hey, Cuadraclo, what are
you doing around here?
Trying to get by,
as you can see,
like everybody else.
I'm in such a slump,
if you only knew.
No need to say anything,
it's pretty obvious.
Here, I'll get you in.
Give me a break,
that's all I need.
Think I need charity
or welfare?
Sorry didnt mean anything.
Some of us still have class
not hard-up like this rabble.
Hardly any meat left,
used to be better.
All these people like
after the civil war.
Damn, kid, beat it! What
are you doing here anyway?
Get the tuck outta here!
I was here first.
No manners, no nothing.
Roasted pork, with the
skin still on it too.
People leave the best,
then they cry poverty.
Kids, didn't I tell
you to scram!
What uh, would
you like some?
I was wrapping up here,
I'll pass on dessert.
Serve yourself, boys enjoy!
Hey, Blondie!
Jules, you're better every day.
Hey, girls!
I'm working.
- Who, me?
- Come here a sec.
Hey, what's your name?
My name is Rin-Rin,
well, my real name is Julito,
but my dad sold alarm clocks,
so the kids re-named me.
That's a good one.
Uh could you spare a couple
of euros for the booths?
- I left my wallet home.
- Uh, no!
Know who I am?
Not really.
Of course not.
I'm Torrente.
Jos Luis Torrente.
Here, keep it.
Have you heard about
Operation Woxter Asia?
- Later Woxter Hong Kong.
- No.
I directed it entirely,
the whole shebang.
Go ahead and ask around the
hood! I even got a medal.
I was Number 1 on
the force for ages.
Then I quit, now I do only
top-of-the-line P.I. work.
Two euros, I just
wanna beat off.
I'll pay you back tomorrow.
It's not like I
need it. I'm loaded.
- Really?
- Yeah, dude!
Cool!
Getting filthy
rich is my dream.
I'd spend it on babes,
what I'd really like.
Sorry to interrupt, bud, but
the one I like just came out.
Jos Luis Torrente.
Secret Agent.
- Hey, mister!
- What the...?
- Am I bothering you?
- Isn't it obvious.
Madam, am I disturbing?
Leave my wife out!
Who's talking to you?
Lady, did I offend you?
Have I been obnoxious?
You're stunning, madam,
you're an exotic beauty.
Maybe a tad sad, like
something's missing.
Perhaps your husband isn't?
Kid, your mom and dad dont
- If you don't leave
- Manolo, please!
- Don't butt in, Encarni!
- He's sort of right.
- Encarni!
- Encarni-schmarni,
I don't get enough!
My wife says that and
there's hell to pay.
Good for nothing, you
ain't worth a dime.
- Shut up!
- Manolo, it's my mom.
- Mini dick!
- I was known as "Anaconda"!
- Worm dick!
- Wanna see my worm dick?
Time for a peek at the
worm, it's show time!
- Peek?
- Manolito!
Let me go!
- You're crazy!
- I'm dandy.
- Always a scene.
- Bug off!
Hey, no scenes!
- What scene?
- Please leave.
-I wanna show her.
- Sir, please leave.
- Mom, let's go don't touch me
- Leave me, get your hands off me!
Run or you'll
wind up an orphan.
Marital bliss, dear God.
The witch, the wicked witch!
Where's the broom, your broom?
Salaam malecum, poromperooo.
Want some wine, eh?
If you want wine,
then give me your "meat",
"meat", lots of meat.
What the fuck?
I swear on my fucking
what kind of shit is this?
- Sorry, Mr. Torrente, sorry.
- Pacheco!
Pacheco!
Didn't I expressly say my room
was off limits to Jesus himself?
Problem is we're nearly 30,
in only 53 square meters.
So? Two meters per person!
It's not like you pay enough
to live in Buckingham Palace!
Speaking of money,
it's been a bad month.
We only have half.
We haven't earned...
Whoa, don't even go there!
Pay up or I'll kick
all your butts out!
Fuck you all! Follow?
Torrente, give us a few days.
How about I give
you a swift kick?
What's up, Pacheco?
Hand it over! Now get
ready for this
- Lady, my money!
- No, my money!
And, by the way,
I've reported you.
The back rent I let slide,
but this subletting scam.
What subletting?
The flat is filthy as hell and
packed with illegals. I'm ted up.
What are you talking about?
My cousins from the islands
are visiting a few days.
Excuse me, one question: is
this where they rent rooms?
Oh, this is too much!
- These spics took the wrong stairs.
- Yeah
- We're looking for Mr. Torrente.
- There he is.
These people come with drugs
stuffed in their asses,
the bags explode, then
they all go nuts.
Go ahead, go in.
OK, that's enough.
Good morning, people!
How's everybody?
- Good morning, Torrente.
- Hey, what's up?
What's new, Tony? No "top-of-
the-morning" to a regular?
No more freebies, Torrente,
you owe me 36
"euros" in whisky.
Hold up, Tony. Are we or
are we not good buddies?
Give me some churros
and a Sol y Sombra.
Torrelavega will pay.
- I've paid dozens of times.
- I left my wallet somewhere.
Well, Damian will pay then.
What the fuck? What
do you think?
I'm the Bank of Spain? No way.
Perhaps that gentleman in
the rear will pay.
He's been looking for you.
- Sit down.
- Thanks.
Okay, I understand,
you've been looking for me?
That's right, Ramirez
spoke highly of you.
- Ramirez spoke highly of me?
- You might say so.
I won't beat around the bush.
The job we want done can't
be executed by just anyone.
A subtle piece of
investigation, I take it.
Not exactly, it's a
delicate matter.
It wouldn't be
illegal, would it?
It's totally illegal. You
have to kill someone.
Shit!
Whoa, kill someone
Ramirez, perhaps
he's the wrong man.
Wait, wait, wait,
if I have to kill, I kill.
- It wouldn't be the first time.
- So you have experience?
I was on the force
for quite a few years.
Where public safety is concerned,
pulling the trigger is a fact of life.
This would be different. It would
involve killing in cold blood.
If the money's right,
I'll kill every 8 hours,
before every meal, like
taking antibiotics.
Perfect, say no more.
It must look like an accident.
There's a picture inside.
In the envelope, you'll find his
address, schedule and habits,
and a small advance for expenses.
Thanks, that's very kind of you.
Splendid.
Hey, could sambo over
here give me a lift?
I'm pretty far from
my neighborhood.
Hey, brownie, open up.
In Colombia and third world
countries from the third world,
they'll kill you for a watch,
and in some places for
a crust of bread.
Luckily, we're in Spain,
where a person's life
has higher value.
They said they'd pay 30.000
euros for this job.
Fifty million pesetas
in old currency!
I'm ready to split it with
whoever lends a hand.
Needless to say, all
that I've said here
will remain in the strictest
and absolutest confidence.
- Is that clear?
- Yes
Great. Dismissed!
Look, the graffit idiots.
Hey, Torrente, count on us
to kill that guy for you!
Right on, Torrente.
He'll feel our pain!
It's impossible to keep
a secret in this country.
Stop, damn it, stop!
Hey, let me go!
Let go of me, please.
Hey, wait a second!
What's up?
- What's up?
- He was jerking off.
You gotta pay for that!
Okay, take it easy,
this kid
was relieving himself,
as part of his undercover
work as my assistant.
Who the hell are you?
Who am I?
I'm Jos Luis Torrente.
Have you never heard of
Operation Woxter Hong Kong?
We're working on a case of illegal
immigration and sex slavery.
So watch it, girls.
If you don't want to be part of a
roundup, you'd better split, move!
Bastard, slimedick!
Thanks, Torrente.
You're the best!
Dont mention it, kid.
Why were you on the street
relieving yourself like a clog,
with two Latin chimps
to boot, "Din Don"?
It's Rin Rin,Torrenle.
I was horny and was broke.
Women are just too much for me
I mean hookers.
Right. Money and broads.
The 2 euros you lent me will be
the best investment of your lite.
People who hang with me
usually get very lucky.
I give people luck.
I'm like a rabbit's foot.
- You plan to pay me back?
- Don't be silly.
You've got to get rid of that
mop. Mops are for homos.
I plan to quit, but
there's no other work.
It's obvious I could've done
this job alone in my sleep.
The thing is the mastermind of an
operation must never soil his hands.
That's why you're here,
you're my go-to crew.
I want to know who-knows-
what about executions.
Let's see, for example, this
Let me see,
who thinks this
weapon is lethal?
Yeahhh no?
Wrong! Too obvious!
This?
With that "brick", Torrente,
you could do real damage.
Wrong again, Rin Rin.
You're not too bright.
Who has a metro ticket?
This, this is a deadly weapon.
This in the right hands could sever
the jugular vein of any attacker.
Find something funny, Popi?
Come on, attack me!
Fuck your family!
How can I kill anyone
with this? It expired.
Stop complaining!
It was a clean cut, an inch higher
and your carotid is kaput, leaving you
mumbling the story.
Torrente, don't be a pig!
It doesnt kill, it only stuns.
Who else wants a whiff?
The five of us will go by car
to the El Campillo
housing development
the victim's home is there.
Pochito will watch
the north route,
Chancletas, the south.
Popi and Rin Rin, the gate.
There you'll aid Rin Rin,
who'll be the go-to guy
and I'll strategically
wait in the car.
Rin Rin, where-'s my boy?
Narciso, haven't I told
you a thousand times
to steer clear of riff raff?
- But, Juani
- Shut shut up,
before I slap you one.
I already forbid you from
being anywhere near my boy.
- Mom!
- Take that!
Don't back-talk me!
Madam, do you know
you're interrupting
a vital operation?
Who's this fat pig?
Why are you with these boys?
- You some "pedophiliac"?
- Lady!
Mom, ifs Torrente.
I said: Shut up!
Let's go home, what did
they do to you?
Shameless trash,
and you get on home!
You too, Rin Rin!
Get ready, because when I see
your mom, I'm telling
and you two little bastards,
I'm telling on you tool
Torrente, I gotta go
and change grandpa's diapers.
-Count on us
- Keep us informed.
There are no men left, kid.
Today's youth has no balls.
- What do we do, Torrente?
- Follow the plan.
I just realized you and
me can do the job alone.
We don't need anyone.
That way we get a bigger
share of the loot.
The truth is, Torrente, we haven't
discussed the "loot" part yet.
Everything has its moment.
When we pull the
job, we'll see.
I was thinking of something fair,
like 90/20, something you'd
feel easily comfortable with
I thought more like 60/40.
Have you gone mad?
You should pay me for the
privilege of my company!
I should charge you for
letting you be near me.
Torrente, no
Look, don't piss me
off with this trivia.
Who cares about bucks,
as long as I get mine?
We're going to spend
the whole advance.
Great, Torrentel
Sol say Manolito, put
it on my tab but
leave the bottle.
Torrente,
I've got a black pussy
thirsty for some milk.
No used goods, I have money.
I want hotties!
But Russian chicks are frigid.
And Spanish chicks: clingy,
ugly and wear mustaches.
C'mon, get out of here!
Hey handsome, wanna
have a good time?
OK.
- Torrentel
- Gotcha!
Don't be disgusting!
Caught you napping!
A cup of insert it
ammo methane bam!
Works every time!
The girls left, now what?
Ah, what the
Babes just don't get it.
They lack our sense of humor.
-sum
-Pig!
Shh, they may come back.
I'm gonna tuck all the sluts
in this joint, another round
Excuse me, would
you accompany me?
Are you throwing me out?
- More or less
- C'mon, I may lose it
This is the worst part
of surveillance, kid.
The down-time, I mean
what do you do?
Should we try
or Crosswords?
What if we jerk off 50-50?
You mean each other?
No, Torrente, to each his own.
Monogamy strikes again!
Kid, this is to honor the
manhood of a fellow mate.
- Your pizza
- Torrente, my pizza's here.
- You ordered a pizza?
- I'm starving.
BBQ-flavor, want some?
You're crazy, you're
not too well, kid.
This is the scene of the crime.
How could you order a pizza?
Look, Torrente, the
hookers are leaving.
At least this guy
is gonna die happy.
- Come on
- Let's go.
Right, kid, now let's
follow the plan.
You'll see how easy it is.
And up we go!
Look, Torrente.
I love easy money, babes
and them kinds of things,
but killing killing someone
I just can't I can't.
Ripping off a leg, an arm
What are you babbling about?
I just get this stirring inside.
it's like a panic attack, Torrente.
I never even killed a fly.
Faggot!
I'm gonna end up
doing it myself.
Look, you stay in the car,
be on the lookout. Hank the
horn if you see anything.
- Come on.
- Don't worry
And away we go!
Watch from the car!
What a fright okay,
the dog's on a chain.
Son of a bitch
Police! Don't move!
Murder One!
Whatever you say may be used
I have my legal rights!
Let me go, it's a mistake!
You've made a mistake.
You're making a mistake
Well
Everyone out!
ALHAURIN DE LA SIERRA
STATE PRISON
Leave items in the basket,
then move on to the booths
for a strip search.
Let's go
-I was a cop once.
- Right.
- The old kind, old school.
- Shit
Can I keep this calendar?
Look, when you suck
on the panties,
you can see her snatch.
Leave that crap too.
Let's go!
Come on, come on.
Joaquinesss
Jos Luis.
Don't you recognize
me, Jos Luis?
I'm Gregorio, your uncle.
What are you doing here?
Uncle Gregorio. They
told me you were dead.
Naturally, I'm the black
sheep of the family.
My mother, your grandma,
may she rest in peace,
told me how well
you were all doing.
I was so proud.
Especially of you.
Best cop on the force.
Number 1 in his class.
Here everyone knows the
class nephew I have.
How many in here did
you send to the Slammer?
I see you did tell everyone.
We don't like coppers here.
You'll eat your share of shit.
Here, kid
- Want some?
- Nah
- it's quite a zoo.
-Yeah.
Gotta keep both
your eyes open.
All talk, they're good kids.
Fucking pig! Now your
fate is in our hands.
You just wait, Fats!
Easy, the forks are plastic.
Sure, no sweat.
Everybody, calm down!
As long as I'm here, nobody
messes with Gregorio's
nephew, is that clear?
Wait here
You defend this stinking pig?
Hey, I'll slice you up!
Motherfucker, I'll kill you!
Those are brass balls!
Mr. Gregorio
you're like a father
to me in here.
So, I'm like your cousin.
Torrente, while I'm here,
nothing will happen to you.
Great, that's very reassuring
because I have a certain
- Peralta, it's you again.
- What, why me?
Torrente! If you need
anything, I'm your man.
Good to know, good to know.
Let go, assholes!
How do you score, "Teeth"?
Women like men who know
how to dress, with style,
culture, a good complexion.
That's why I'm a hit
with the bitches.
Hey "lvlustache", don't be
putting things in my ear.
What do we have here,
a queens convention?
Let's see, wiseguy,
you haven't seen my buds
when they get fired up?
Not lately, no.
- Listen, look, I
- No, you look.
The jail's full of fairies,
but who knows I might enjoy
having a fat and ugly one
with a droopy ass like yours.
The thing is: I fuck anything.
My ass is sacred,
ifs like a temple.
Nothing gets in.
A fart escapes now and then,
maybe even a fine sausage
Don't wanna mess up my pipes.
Maybe you need to
open your door some.
Dilate it, open it a crack.
Boys, boys, boys!
What do I always say: Hand
games are bad man games.
Come on,
see you in awhile,
in the showers or
Come on, come on.
Let's go, let's go.
Go to the yard and play
with your mates.
So, you're one
of the new ones.
Already making friends.
Father, those people
were homosexuals.
And killers too.
They carry knives.
I'll report them to
the proper authorities.
Do you think the Lord would
welcome your being a snitch?
You're a good Christian
I get the impression
you're a benevolent man,
with a great heart
I'm never wrong.
Would you like to partake in
the prison parish activities?
You mean praying and all that?
No, not praying.
Don't be silly.
Together like brothers,
members of a church
Together we're walking
to see Christ our Lord
Oh Loooooooooord,
If I hook ya, gonna fuck ya
Father! What do you think?
Wrote it for my missus
who's as bad as they come,
but I love her sick.
Right, very good,
very nice, Joaquin.
You'll come to realize
God didn't give
you this calling.
Perhaps you should return to
playing sports in the yard or
arts and crafts,
that sort of stuff.
What are you saying, Father?
Fuck that shit!
I'm outta here, damn shithead!
Boys!
Joaquin
is no longer with us!
Right on, Father
only those who know
how to sing can stay.
What a bitch, so they
set you up, eh?
You said it
it's a heavy charge.
I gotta get out of here,
to clean my honor
and get revenge.
There must be a way.
There-'s a prisoner: "Colibri",
the humming bird.
He's been planning an escape
digging a tunnel for years.
He's almost finished
Maybe,
if I talk to him
This, this is the cell.
It cost me smokes to see him.
How do you do it, uncle?
You maneuver like
you're at home.
It's been many
years, my boy.
What a guy! Let's go.
I told you. Freedom
is right here.
Always a pussy involved.
A creature, I saw a
That's no creature, it's a man.
This is "Colibri".
What the fuck?
Hi, Mr. Colibri. My name is
Jos Luis Torrente. A pleasure.
"ML Colibri"
Fuck me and my fucking rep.
Three years of digging
with a spoon for this
Hey, come on,
don't be like that.
This man would drown
in a glass of water.
He-'s small enough.
Today, I finally
reached the end,
and what do I see
through the hole?
The end of the tunnel
is right
right below the wall
where the guards patrol.
Don't tell me you
drew the map wrong?
Never happen to me.
You miscalculated.
You gotta pay special attention
to height and angle, that's it.
Gregorio, make him disappear
before I rip his eyes out!
What could I do?
Here's this Cuban
eyeing my girl's ass,
saying I love you baby,
I wanted to hit him,
which is what i did, that's
what I did, Torrente.
Instead of receiving a medal,
I got sent here like a criminal.
It's not not fair.
No, it isn't.
What why are you in jail?
I killed a man!
He must've done something
to piss you off.
Yeah, he looked at me.
I know how to do it
Like they did it in
"Victory" with Stallone.
You know that World
War I flick?
They were in a
"consecration" camp,
and played a match against the
Nazis, escaping at halftime.
Movies are not my thing.
But it premiered after 1972
It was a huge hit!
Anyway, we'll do it too.
We'll organize a big match,
a real spectacle of
rivals, Atleti-Real Madrid!
Against the guards.
And escape through the tunnel.
He's bright, huh?
We'll need a car outside
But I got that covered,
don't worry, I have a
team of professionals.
Very nice, Manolito,
they look real.
You look like someone else.
Are the lashes yours?
No, I put on a little makeup.
- Bring the ...?
- Yes, Torrente.
Super, it's key.
Yes, sir.
I need to tell you the exact
date and time of the match.
Jos Luis and Maruja Soler
pass to the visitors' quarters.
You have 15 minutes.
Here you are, hurry up!
You wouldn't believe what it
took to get that thing in,
and to pull it out
I decided to
Tie a string to
it like a Tampax.
Here it is.
What the fuck
- What shit is this?
- Mine.
Let's see, you inserted
that in there unwrapped?
Believe me it wasn't easy.
You wanted it gift-wrapped?
No, man, just a little plastic,
cellophane, something
The important thing is that
it has a battery and it works.
I tried it, it buzzes.
I'm sure you spent half the
afternoon calling yourself.
You say the darndest things!
Come on, wrap it up!
We'll need a car right away.
- Be ready for my call
-Yes, sir.
Uh, Torrente,
since we're already here,
do you want me to
Say what ...? How can you
be such a degenerate?
Mr. Castano, it's a
pleasure and an honor
to be in the office of
a Real Madrid supporter.
I saw you out of respect to your
uncle, dean of prisoners here
but let me tell you from the outset
that arranging a match won't be easy.
Here, the rabble
uh, the prison population, lacks
camaraderie and sportsmanship.
You're tighter than right.
It's a question of motivation.
I'm just the person to
inculcate in these people
the competitive spirit.
You know, I
I was a junior player for
Real Madrid when I was a kid.
They called me the Dark
Arrow, say no more.
What memories
What a time.
It just occurred to me
Why don't you personally
manage the guards' team?
Manage, at my age?
You tempt me, Torrente
You tempt me.
- Skipper, me me!
- Nah, I want stars, stars
Nothing but wannabes here
Historically, South
Americans just aren't
good at soccer.
Look at him, he's
got a nice touch.
Gimme a break, man.
He's black.
So what?
Wasn't Pele black?
He was the best
player of all time.
- That's true.
- Right.
Let' see. Hey, boy,
Bimbu, bimbu,
Ankawa, ale!
Again the cops I no
just arrive, I Spanish!
Spanish! Fuck me!
Pirate DVD, I no
know. I friend.
Soccer, you like soccer?
Play with monkeys,
back in jungle?
He understands "nada".
Throw him the ball
Ball.
Fuck, he does
have a touch.
Give him a pack of smokes,
he's on our team.
Bumbu, bumbu, guay
Come here, come on
Don't be afraid, dude!
Fight,
tactics, freedom,
feeling, yeah
Team spirit
The ol'red-and-white!
- Peralta, please.
- Yes, sir.
Let's begin with
some technique
"Mustache", "Teeth", go!
Some respect, damn it.
You act like kids!
Come on, listen up a bit, the
We have fake strikers,
fake backs, we got 'em all.
Above all, we have
fake defenders.
The only authentic
guy is the goalkeeper.
We'll play the "fake-out".
Coach,
why not use two strikers
and attack from the sides?
This way the midfield
will be in closer too.
Look kid,
shut up if you have
nothing to say.
Respect experience.
Hey, you're off the team
Get outta here!
Bastard.
Hey Torrente, Iet's
play "Tiki-Taka".
Can someone translate?
- Mr. Castano.
- What?
- How goes it? Coaching eh?
- Looks like it.
Where was I this kid
haven't I seen him before?
He's my nephew.
So he's not a
staff employee?
No, he-'s studying for
a civil service job,
but let's not get all bent
out of shape over players now.
After all, it is
a friendly match.
We're gonna crush you!
Hey! Shave it!
There he is!
He's Bazooka Boy, Torrente!
Bah, lighten up
He lacks technique. He-'s
all brute strength. Boom!
I may not know too much,
but I do know how to train.
Are we men or are we queers?
Come on, let's go!
Move, go, go!
Yeah, you're machine!
Up, up, there you go!
That's it, very good!
No pain
lift that black ass,
move that rear,
that's it, keep it up!
Alright, sprint, sprint!
- 5, 6, 7!
- There you go!
Yeah, let's go!
Very good, very good
I'm strong as an ox.
Don't worry about me.
You don't worry me,
I only worry that if you
insist on coming with us
you endanger the operation.
Baloney, Jos Luis, you
won't even know I'm here.
OK Dioni, what are
you staring at?
The bikes.
- I thought vans were your thing.
- They were.
-Jos Luis Torrente?
- That's me.
- I was looking for you.
- Me?
We've heard
that you're the
most virile prisoner,
the best hung here.
Yeah, a real sex machine!
My reputation precedes me.
My friends and I
would like a sample demo.
A demo, huh?
You'll have to earn it.
Strip and dance for me
like disco sluts.
Eenie meenie, miney moe,
check the ass out on this hoe
Don't care for this one.
This one's like a peach
full of fuzz and all.
Take that thong off
and join me in the cell.
Ooh, oh, let's go, yeah!
Grrrr, Joaquiness!
With your shit backed up, I
figured you need a massage.
Wait a moment,
you don't look so hot.
I'm OK, I just
had a nightmare.
Cheer up, okay?
If all goes well tonight,
we-'II soon be free men
doing a few lines, banging
bitches right and left,
popping pills like
mad, Torrente
- Like normal people.
- Great.
I like you optimistic.
Here, make a call.
Why me?
- It doesn't bite.
- I don't wanna ...
-Take it.
-Okay.
Careful!
-Tony
-Tony
it's in "contacts".
Man, this smells, Torrents-I
What do you want? It
smells like a phone.
Damn!
It's Bakelite, which
has a special smell.
- Bakelite
- Yes, Bakelite.
You just don't know it.
That team looks like
thunder rolling in
They're so cute
A killing machine.
Probably recruited locally
to intimidate us.
Amateurs!
I bet if you threw the ball
at them they'd run for cover.
Let's throw 'em a beating.
Show them who we are!
Let's go, kill 'em!
Come on!
Let's go, cheer
the boys on!
You're our side?
Alright, okay, alright
Those should be banned.
Illegal footwear,
too phosflourescent,
they blind my players!
Come on
Joaquiness!
Way to go!
Fucking hell!
Hell of a goalkeeper
What foosball game
did we get him from?
He's your "find", T!
Hey ball-hogs, pass
me the ball.
I'm all alone here!
Don't sweat up a
storm Don't sweat
Now, let's split, kid.
How can we leave the bench?
lt'd look suspicious, Torrente.
You're right
Well, even a master
plan has its flaws.
I have an idea.
Goikotxoa!
Hey, you're Basque, right?
From Bilbao.
You like violence?
Look, you're gonna kick the
black guy with all your might.
But, he's on our team!
You never see the big picture.
I'm the strategist, not you.
How about following
orders without a word?
Go, pick him up.
Right.
Did you see that tackle?
Damn, it was criminal.
- A red card, at least.
- It was your guy.
Well, the injured must
go to the infirmary.
Don't worry, one of
the guards can do it.
Do you know any Atletico
player who'd abandon his men?
You just don't want to
see the massacre.
Okay, go ahead, it's obvious you
can't stand the humiliation.
Go, go on
We'll have to leave "this"
somewhere. Here, here There.
They broke my leg, Torrente,
my leg is broken, man!
Look you black bastard,
don't be a crybaby,
I know injuries and
it's only a sprain.
Two days of rest and
Arsenal will sign you!
And stop yelling, people
are taking naps.
Let's go. Everything's ready.
The game-'s at fever pitch.
In daylight, this looks
a lot smaller.
It looks kid-size. An average
person can't fit in there.
Of course an average person
can fit in there. I do.
What doesn't fit is
a fat slob like you.
Oh, insults now? You see
I distract the guards, arrange for
a car at the door and he disses me.
Stop arguing. It you want,
I'll go first, just in case.
Going first is always risky.
Shut up, go in, uncle.
- Shall I go?
- Come on.
-Go Gregorio!
-Go!
Ahhh, let's go shit
Okay, uncle, everything's
cool. Now Peralta, careful
Let's go.
Bye bye birdie!
- Watch it with my ass!
- Right, I got nothing better to do.
Fucking midget moron!
I don't know if I can
borrow the van again.
So we go in Tony's car.
No one touches my car!
They tried to involve
me in their escape.
Naturally, I had no idea.
Jesus, how could I let them
lead me on or be so blind?
At least we stopped
the breakout.
That, plus we
mauled your team.
It was a tragedy.
I tried to convince them
not to, but
they beat me badly.
That's why I
brought Escamilla,
one of our finest men
one of our men to watch over
you night and day.
With your permission,
I have to join the boys in our
victory celebration, you know.
Father, I can't seem
to get out of my head
all those people buried in
the rubble, asphyxiated,
all dead.
Well, not all,
luckily, Gregorio survived.
My Uncle Gregorio,
Uncle Gregorio.
Thanks for saving him, Lord
Despite being the instigator
and mastermind
After all that's happened,
he is still family.
-Jos Luis lies.
- Tries?
- Tries what?
- Doesn't tell the truth.
Probably begging for
drugs. He had a habit.
- He's incredibly bad.
- Someone's glad.
- Mother fucker.
- He said "mother fucker".
- He lies
- Air
- He can't breathe.
- He needs mouth-to- mouth.
- Be my guest.
Airrr ...
The light, uncle,
follow the light,
seek the light.
We-'re nothing.
My son, I know this is
a difficult moment and
ifs okay if you say no,
but tomorrow are
the Inmate Choir Regionals.
We'd love to count on you
and your voice.
How can you be so heartless
at a time like this?
My uncle is still present.
When does the bus leave?
Okay, okay, okay.
Very good, boys.
Alright, okay, fine thanks.
It was really quite hard
to get "leave" passes
for the choir competition.
Li's paramount we exhibit
manners and the best behavior
we're capable of.
Hey Montanilla,
have you no shame?
Apologize to Father
Tobias right now!
You should all learn
from Jos Luis.
His voice is fair, but
he's found a niche here,
thanks to his team spirit
and Christian ways.
Thanks Father, learn from
me. Let's sing!
What joy when we discovered
we were bound to see the Lord
Look, Montanilla, when ifs
your turn to do the solo,
don't put on that crow's
face. It doesn't suit you.
Very, very ugly.
Father, I don't mean to
when I concentrate,
this is my face.
Father Tobias is still
giving ii a shot.
Wait till we beat the
shit out of your
singing chimps.
Father, there's a real spiritual
feeling among the clergy here.
He's just a jealous member
of the Piarist Order.
Don't worry, Father. I've
seen the boys rehearse a bit
and they don't stand a chance.
I know.
Before we begin, I just wanted
to ask a favor: I gotta crap.
You're too much. Leave it to you
to always come up with something.
"Opening night" jitters.
Go to the bathroom, let's
see if your voice clears up.
I'll go with you.
Okay, right
What are you guys
in for -- singing?
Leave the door open.
I'm planning to unload a
big one, so be advised.
Okay, close the door.
But no funny stuff,
I'm a quick trigger.
Relax, one dump and I'm out.
Boys, we follow the plan.
We're down here, Torrente.
You through?
Open up or I'm coming in!
Fucking shit!
Stop or I shoot!
Fucking
- Run, Torrente, run!
- Wait up!
Torrente, we'll
never forget you.
- Run, Torrente!
- Wait!
Pull me up!
Pull me, pull!
- Pull me!
- Pull the chain.
Hold on, Torrente!
Who the fuck is driving?
How're we doing, Torrente?
We' re fucked!
We have a shotgun.
What's this? This is only
good for supermarket holdups.
You're wrong, it
packs a wallop.
I filmed it all on
my cell. Wanna see?
Not now. Come on,
more cartridges.
We only brought one.
I don't believe it!
Let's head to the gas station.
They won't shoot at us there.
Right, we'd all go
up in smoke there.
Civil Guard on the grill!
Fill 'er up.
Torrente, what are you doing
here. Weren't you in jail?
Shh, bitch, I'm incognito.
My black pussy is
thirsty for milk.
Not that pussy again! It stinks,
it must be dead by now.
- I'm seeking information.
- Will the yellow pages do?
Isn't she funny my
sweet little honey?
I'm looking for Rin Rin, that
kid who hangs out with me.
You mean
the mongoloid-looking one
who could be
a relative of yours?
Uh I don't know
You' re all leeches!
Here, take that
it's almost 2 euros!
Your friend's up there
in one of the rooms.
Why's he doing that?
Hey, the door!
There you are!
So, Judas, spending all you
got for selling me out?
I can explain, you
got it all wrong.
No need to explain.
Come here, come here.
You shit
- Excuse me, ladies.
- Who's that?
-Very nice.
-Again!
- It'll be worse if you run.
- Torrente, don't be crazy!
The race is over.
Don't get any closer, I'll
jump. I swear on my mother!
No need to jump,
I'll push you off.
I didn't do anything wrong.
Oh shit, I'm scared stiff.
-You sold me out.
- It was more of a rental.
"Rental"? Come here.
Come here, kid!
What are you doing? You're
breaking one of my ribs!
I'll bash your head!
I was broke, I didn't
imagine you in jail.
What you didn't imagine
was me breaking out.
What are you doing?
Like we used to be, remember?
We did it anywhere.
Oh, hush up!
Torrente, I'm sorry.
I regret what I did, really.
You wretched shit!
At least tell me
who ratted on me.
I don't know!
All I know is Ramirez
paid me off, but
not who he works for
That we're gonna
find out right now!
You don't know how
bad I felt these days.
You're like an idol to me.
And, of course, I thought:
what would Torrente do?
Look, kid, how much money
did they give you anyway?
At least 3.000 euros.
Couldn't turn that down.
Torrente, have I ever told
you that I love you?
Yeah, well, truth is I
kind of like you too.
- Give me a hug, Torrents!
- Don't go gay on me,
that's all I need.
What's this, Torrente?
"Friends of Ecuador"?
Yeah, we're here for my gun.
This place is tighter than
a virgin's pussy.
You leave for 3 days
and they go nuts.
What, not again?
You've gone too far!
Sorry, Mr. Torrente,
weren't you in the slammer?
I mean, "on holiday".
Look, he was jerking
off to a photo of yours.
It's true, that's me.
Where did you get this?
The computer's mine,
I'm a programmer.
I came across the memory card
in that drawer by chance.
So that was a real roll
of film, after all
Now what we came for.
Don't shoot, sir, I beg you,
in the name of Baby Jesus.
I'll do what you want
Right now, shut up.
You make me nervous.
Take it easy,
these bullets already have
a name carved on their skin.
That carved name must
be the brand, Torrente.
And it's a chassis, not "skin".
Bullets don't really have skin.
- He's half-jerk, huh?
- This kid's a retard.
Oh, darling
why didn't you tell me you
invited friends for dinner?
- Friends, what friends?
- See
I told you, madam,
he's forgetful.
Well, Torrente
Heavens to Betsy
what brings you here?
Always joking,
you invited my nephew and
I for a home-cooked meal.
Super!
Of course, right,
I forgot.
- Was it today?
- Today? You crack me up.
Oh, you sly dog,
top secret, eh?
A pair of honeys like these.
Especially the oldest,
sooo well-fed.
- isn't it late for her to be up?
- You're right.
Gladys!!
Cutie, off to beddy-bye
Sweet dreams with Uncle
Torrente, hmm?
You need rest so your tits
grow big like your sister's.
See you later.
Look at those tears!
Madam, you don't know what
close friends Tinin and I were
in the army at Melilla ...
real bosom buddies.
Agustin, you never talked
to me about your old pal.
You know I like keeping
some things private
He's so uptight.
With my looks, I
stole his girls.
Uncle, isn't this the guy who
used to swing hot both ways?
What are you saying?
Don't be silly.
Excuse the kid, he has
such a loose tongue.
Your husband wasn't gay.
We just pleased each other
any way we could in the army.
Tinin was a good doggy.
Hogwash, Torrente.
I have something to
discuss, come with me.
Of course Rin Rin.
Madam,
sir, excuse us.
Torrente, you're mad showing
up here talking trash.
Who the fuck sold me out?
Besides this one the boss?
Copping a feel or what?
Torrente, an iPhone 4,
it's the latest.
Can I keep it?
Sure, he won't use it.
Super, Torrente.
Shoot me if you want,
I won't say a peep,
nothing, got it?
Torrente, let me.
Rocamora, Roman Rocamora
planned it all
Queers!
That's the boss whose wedding
I offered my services to.
Services? You were the
laughingstock of all Spain.
Bride's still in therapy.
Rocamora'll kill yaaa!
Out of there, fagqots!
Run, kid, come on!
Run, kid, run!
Let me , let me
Damn, let go!
Let me go. Queers!
Hard-up pervs ...!
I'll get you
Your triglycerides!
I missed them shit!
Okay, so it's clear: Rocamora.
What did that rat Ramirez say?
Weak point is his girl.
We have a photo of that babe.
That's our tool of revenge.
Torrente, how do you get
revenge with a photo?
Kid, you're so thick!
We-'II blackmail him.
Blackmail
Can we change the music?
My mother spends all clay
listening to this folk stuff.
Drives me up a wall.
How about some hip-hop?
Out of the car, kid.
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.
There-'s nothing more sacred
in the world than El Fary's music.
Who? El "Fali"?
Did you say El "Fali"?
How is it possible that
anyone doesn't know
who El Fary is?
Torrente, don't be like that.
Please don't cry.
Come on, cheer up,
just a little bit.
Shall we jerk off a bit?
Sir, I swear I don't
know what happened.
I didn't know
how to react.
Really Mr. Rocamora,
he's an imbecile.
That much I know.
But he's a dangerous imbecile.
We shouldn't have problems,
sir, he's an idiot.
It would be better if he
were in jail again soon.
No, better if he-'s not.
Since you divulged my name,
I think he should
disappear for good.
Look Torrente,
an anonymous note.
I've seen these in the movies.
Great, let me sign it.
Something! wrong
if we mail it, they'll
take forever to answer.
Right, the ideal thing would
be to call and read it to them.
- Who's got Rocamora's number?
- We do.
This guy's number was on
Ramirez's cell. Here, call him.
I have a special
voice distorter.
You're so smart
- What's this?
-I told you, sir.
He surprised me
Yes
- Can I speak with Mr. Rocamora?
- Speaking. Who is it?
- Torrente.
- Torrente who?
Jos Luis Torrente.
Listen, we have your daughter.
- What?
- Well, not physically.
- We have photos.
- What kind of photos?
- Not the First Communion kind.
Son of a...
Quick! Trace the call!
More-ti, to the pool now!
How do I know you really
have photos of Melanie?
I never lie.
Judge her cock-sucking talent
yourself in an interviu pinup.
You demand ...?
A sworn testimony
admitting you were
Fontanelli's murderer,
to clear my name.
Or give me a million euros
and I'll clear it myself
from a Caribbean beach.
- Torrente!
- What now?
Tell him to throw in another
That's a lot of money.
Okay, nix the 20.000 euros!
Wait a sec,
you spend that in toilet
paper at your mansions.
I hate bulk so bring
only large bills
in a duffel bag.
Deliver it at 4
to Full Moon Mall
at the Mercedes
Business Park.
Don't hang up
No prob, it's Ramirez's phone.
it's not costing me a cent.
My men will make the
delivery at four.
What, you think I'm stupid?
If you don't come personally,
no God on earth will
be able to save you.
Understood.
We got him
I'll see you there
Very well, good.
Regards to your girl
from our private parts.
Hustle, move it!
And don't return
without his head!
- Van with the "Scream Team" now!
- More-ti, join 'em
it's done.
- Always be alert.
- What is that?
I shit myself, Torrente, I shit myself.
Nincom-poop!
More-ti, get him!
Miss, we're looking
for Jos Luis Torrente.
Torrente, that slime.
Look, let me tell
you something,
not another "renter"
comes in here,
I'm fed up to the
depths of my snatch.
Say what, lady?
What am I saying? Out,
or I call the cops!
- But, madam
- Madam? ma'am? mad...
That's enough, lady. Tell me
where Torrente is or you fly!
Sons of bitches!
Let me go, you bastards!
Let me go!
Stop, let that woman go!
Torrente, they let her go.
Run, kid, run.
To the flat!
Run, Torrente, run!
Embarrassing!
This government is a sham.
They said they'd give
first 500 immigrants
at the Ministry and
free residency!
Long live Spain!
Flattened out, crushed.
Hold on, kid, the
fun's about to begin.
What if it's a trap?
Nah, Rocamora played and lost.
He knows I'm serious.
He won't try anything
funny, especially here.
You're an ace,
you're super!
It'll be like taking
candy from a child.
Hey, hand that over.
My Popsicle.
A yellow Popsicle
and he looks chink.
Torrente, it's almost 4.
- H-hour.
- No, 4.
You come alone?
- The photos?
- Here,
inside.
- No copies?
- My word as a Legionaire.
Anyway, we don't know how.
Sure all the money's there?
My word as a man of honor.
I better count it then.
Here? Surrounded by
all these people?
Be my guest.
Torrente, I say
ifs all there.
We'd better go.
I trust you, we're
all honest here.
Good.
We have 'em, get the
money and kill them.
It's the security guy.
Rocamora tricked us. Run!
You said "nothing funny".
They lack scruples. Go!
We need kids to
use as shields.
Shh, nice and easy,
drop the money bag
or I kill this cretin
Cretin, cretin, your
mother's a cretin!
Damn, this kid has
a thing for falls!
Out of the way, jerk!
I should've done this
long ago, Torrente.
As the saying goes,
you want something done,
do it yourself.
Or have a mate do it.
Like a hand job.
Rin Rin, hey kid
God, what a sad creature,
in the prime of life.
Dim-witted, but a good kid.
I'll spend all this
money in your name.
- it's nothing.
- Hookers.
- Nothing happened.
- Champagne.
- A 30-meter yacht.
- I'm OK!
- Shut up!
- I'm super!
-I won't forget.
- Forget who?
Shut up, you were supposed
to be dead. Goddamit!
I'm super!
A tire conked me one
Good, good, I'm glad.
I'll give you your 2 percent.
Only 2 percent?
That one!
- He offered you sweets?
- No.
Torrente, they got us.
This can only be bad.
- The chink.
- It was him!
Look who we have here.
Thanks, kid, we've hunted
for this guy a long time.
Patrolling the city in
his car aii night, non-stop
He works in law enforcement,
a friend you call "the cop"
The dangers that he faces
are those that he must stop
His duty is to society,
to ensure it doesn't flop
He patrols the city
He patrols the city
in his car all night
patrols the city
patrols the city
He patrols the city
in his car all night
He patrols the city
Criminals and hooligans
Violence and such
He does the work of God with
devotion and His touch
He'd just as soon save a pooch,
as die in the line of duty
Or prevent a holdup at a bank
and recover all the booty
He patrols the city
What do you want,
you come looking for me,
with all your tears
and bawling
you make a foo! out of me.
Go and leave with the wind
and take your suffering fan
What do you want,
let bygones be gone,
I'll bear you no grudge
now decide and move on.
You stole my money
and you stole my love.
If I hook ya, gonna fuck ya
you used to tel!
me all the time
You stabbed me over and over,
my blindness was the crime.
If I hook ya, gonna fuck ya
always the same story
Stupidly felt our love
was bound for glory
Oh, yeah
I've heard others say
that you hardly have a dime
that you come for something else
like a bed from time to time.
Find another you can squeeze,
and another you can bleed.
I don't wanna judge you
but now I'm better oft
when I remember what we had
it never was enough.
I was a foo! in love
but all that's over now.
If I hook ya, gonna fuck ya
always the same of' story
Stupidly thought our love
was bound for glory.
Bye-bye, I wish you we!!
Now it's time to
sound the bell
Bye-bye you ne'er do we-H.
Bye-bye, I wish you we!!
Now it's time to
sound the bell
Bye-bye you ne'er do we-H.
Hey, Father Tobias,
You asshole!