Trailer Park Boys: Countdown To Liquor Day (2009) Movie Script

That wasn't so bad!
Here I am...
Paradise.
I've got everything I want.
But it doesn't add up to shit.
'Cause I fell in love
with the wrong man.
Be careful who you love.
First thing I'm doing
when I get home.
I'm gonna rub some cat food
just on my cheeks like that.
Let all the kitties come up
and lick it off me.
There's no better feeling
than a little miniature
sandpaper-tongue kitty.
Well, they let everybody out,
you know, in 2 shifts.
There's a morning parole
and an afternoon parole.
I got morning parole. Thank God...
Ricky and Julian are getting out
this afternoon, hopefully,
if everything goes right.
Hi. My name's Julian.
Inmate number 212457.
Thank you for your time today.
Have a seat.
Name and prisoner number please?
You know who I fucking am.
And here's my goddamn number
right here.
Just read what they say right on me,
right here!
Well, Ricky, we've been--
Can you smoke in here?
This here's a certificate
for an auto body technician.
It's a course that I took in jail.
Good!
Let's get the fuck going here,
get on with this and get me out.
'Cause I know
you're gonna let me out anyway.
It's 40 grand a year minimum
to fucking keep me here.
I've seen that on TV in jail.
It's overcrowded.
I didn't even do anything that bad.
Okay, sir. What I've put together
is a 4-year plan
for a business that I wanna open,
it's called Success Auto Body.
Yep.
And I plan on opening up
the business in my trailer,
that was given to me
by my grandmother...
and turn it into an auto body shop.
I didn't get any diploma yet,
but I'm gonna be getting the grade 12.
Once you have that,
you can pretty much do anything.
Myself. I've learned my lesson.
And the only way to succeed in life
is to be legitimate,
and to stay away from crime.
Your friend Julian has convinced us
that he will be a success...
All right, in his business.
Well, I'm gonna work for him,
so that makes me a success, so--
It doesn't automatically.
It's a long road to success, sir.
Sir, it's gonna be 100% legitimate.
I will be a taxpayer as of today
if you grant me with this release.
There's no chance you might
find a way to, say,
chop a few cars in your spare time?
No, sir.
What's the right answer here, guys?
I'm gonna go get a job
or go fucking grow some dope
and sell a bit of dope
and support my family that way--
Excuse me?
I can tell you whatever
you wanna hear or be honest.
I'll grow dope,
that's what I'm good at.
I grow the best dope of anyone
I've ever met.
I've been looking through
these papers here
and it mentions
a fellow named Jim Lahey.
Trailer Park superintendent.
There seems to be
some ongoing problems with...
you and him.
Is this going to continue
when you come out of prison?
No, absolutely not.
Can I have a cigarette then?
Take him back to his seat!
Why don't you ask Darren
how high he is?
Just one drag! Fuck off and let me
have a cigarette!
Give those back!
You left them out to tease me!
Come on!
Just one little drag...
I'm never gonna give up on success.
That is the only thing that's on my mind
right now.
I'm never coming back to jail.
And I'm going to be successful.
Let's make sure
we don't see you here again.
Well, I came in on the bus,
you know,
with this vision of Sunnyvale
in my head,
and I get off the bus
and I'm fucking stunned!
I mean, it's demolished,
the trailers are down...
the grass is growing up,
garbage everywhere.
Fucking dogs eating out
of old garbage bags and lickin' things.
This is disastrous!
So I immediately, you know,
I wanted to go to my shed,
and check on that
and check on my kitties...
Not even a fucking nibble!
I'd constructed a food mountain
in there for them,
and left water for them, and the
fucking thing's barely touched,
'cause someone boarded up
the cat door.
Cocksucker!
It's just not right.
It's really eerie here.
Something's fucky.
Boys, stay in a single file
as you're leaving.
Step on the bus and make your way
to the back.
Hope you enjoyed your stay.
Don't come back.
You boys stay out of trouble.
Hey, boys!
Did you guys get
what I was talking about?
Good work.
Please tell me you got
a bit of smoke or something.
Check to see if the door's unlocked.
Fuck that!
You idiot! Do you want
those guys to hear us?
They're deafer than 2 deaf donkeys.
Come on, just get in.
Pull up your pants!
Pull up your pants, Ricky!
It's the fucking track pants!
Come on, baby, come on!
Quick, quick, quick!
Okay, we're good.
Go, go, go!
Boys, back off! I'm serious!
Don't blow this!
Come on, just back off!
Julian, I'm telling you.
Happens every time
with this dovametry crew.
They fucking get too close
and they screw everything up.
Just shut up and put your box on.
Yeah.
You ready?
Why do I get a box and
you get a cool welding mask?
'Cause I'm in charge.
Everything's cool, man.
Guys, I'm serious, you gotta back off,
you're gonna fuck this up.
Get out of here. I'm serious.
Smarten up. Get over here!
Good afternoon, everyone!
My name is Bobby Boxhead.
This is not a robbery.
We're taking some money for charity
and some liquor, no big deal.
Everyone relax. This is not a robbery.
This is for charity.
This is my partner. Weldy Weldyface.
He will take all of your donations.
Everyone just relax.
Let's have some drinks, here.
Just like my partner Weldy Weldy.
Now, what the fuck do we have here?
You're not leaving the store!
Get on the fucking ground!
Now, this is a fucking robbery
'cause of these orange fuck fuckies!
Weldy, go clean out the till,
because of these guys right here,
this is now a robbery.
Sorry folks, the hunters fucked this up.
I apologize.
You guys did fuck this up
for the charity. Now get up!
Yeah. I'm getting' up.
Get up! Get up and get the fuck out!
Go shoot your goddamn bunnies
and your fucking gophers.
Okay. We're good.
We're good here.
All right. Thanks a lot.
Good job, everyone! Great robbery!
All right, now get this loaded
and stop fucking around!
Later, fuck fucks!
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, come kitty!
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!
Come kitty! Come kitty!
Kitty come! Kitty come!
Kitty come! Kitty!
Kitties...?
Where the fuck are you guys?
Phil Collins...
Just keep at it.
Come on.
I don't know, boy. I don't know.
Thank God you're patient.
Phil Jacob?
Hey, Bubbles!
What's going on?
Go ask Lahey, at the new park.
Fuck!
New park?
Luxury estates is a testament
to inspiration
and a lot of work.
You know, when Ricky went back to jail,
it was like I was reborn.
Got off the hard liquor...
dropped 15 pounds,
got back to business.
I discovered that Barb's deed
to Sunnyvale included 50 acres
of prime development land.
I made a sweet deal with her:
sold off half,
and built this beautiful park.
God, Randy! Watch the dust!
Jeez, wingnut!
Randy, when are we getting
our septics?
Yeah, come on!
Made one critical mistake:
I put Randy in charge of the new sewer.
He called the Department
of Environment.
Now, we have to follow
the old sewer line
which runs right under
Julian's property.
Randy fucked up and I have to fix it.
Again.
I walk along the street
We used to walk
2 by 2 lovers pass
And as they're passing by
I could die
'Cause you're not here with me
Come in!
Mr. Lahey? Randy?
Bubbles!
Hey, Bubbles!
Hey, how do you like the new park?
My cats, Mr. Lahey, where are they?
Bubbles, I have no idea
where your cats are.
Right? You have no idea
what happened to my kitties?
Calm down. Bubbles.
Get your hands off me, Randy.
You gotta calm down, okay?
Don't fucking touch me.
Listen, Bubbles.
Don't make me throw you out, Bubbles.
There was a lot of people complaining.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Why did you board up the kitty door?
Listen, I think Animal Control
took them away, Bubbles.
Animal Control?
What do you mean. Animal Control?
Calm down!
Here, Randy! Want some fly paper?
Snack on that, Randy!
I'll put you down, I swear!
Bubbles...
Let me go, Randy!
Bubbles, you will calm down
or I'll have to call the...
Bubbles, that's it. I'm pinning you.
Get off me, Randy!
You need to calm down!
Lahey!
Get those clippers away from me!
The clippers are touching me!
Get them away from me!
I think it's caught in my hair.
Just wait.
My God... Don't tug it.
Don't move.
It hurts!
Bubs? I'm gonna have to turn it on.
Don't turn it on!
I'll have to turn it on
to get it out, Bubs.
Just relax, it won't hurt.
Lahey!
What did you do?
Nothing, Bubs. It looks great.
It's okay.
What did you do?
Didn't cut you a bit, Bubs.
What the fuck did you do?!
It's perfect.
Look, there's no need to crack
the shit crust over this.
You fucked up my hair!
Bubs, it's not that bad!
I was an accident.
Yeah?
You just wait, fucky!
You wait till Ricky and Julian see this.
Bubbles... it wasn't our fault.
It was an accident.
It was an accident, was it?
That was an accident, too.
I'm as blue as I can be
Blue on blue
Cocksuckers...
Heartache on heartache
Blue on blue
Now that we are through
Fuck...
Blue on blue
Heartache on heartache
And I find I can't get over
losing you
Hello...?
Hello.
Hi, there.
What's going on here?
These guys are following me
around all the time.
Don't worry about them.
My name's Bubbles.
I'm from Sunnyvale Trailer Park.
I think you have some of my kitties.
Sunnyvale? Right.
Could you please take a seat?
Certainly.
Jenny?
Yeah?
The gentleman from the trailer park
is here. Could I see those files?
Just a sec.
Files?
You have files on my kitties?
Hi.
Right. So we had a few phone calls.
Very agitated phone calls from...
Mr. Lahey was concerned
about the welfare of your animals.
They were probably drunk calls
more than agitated.
Well... I think concern was making him
a little incoherent.
We collected 27 cats.
Now, of those, 21 had to be spayed
or neutered,
they were all full of fleas.
They all had to be needled.
They were in very poor condition.
They were showing signs
of malnutrition.
We don't condone neglect.
She started giving me the gears
that I don't take care of my kitties,
and this and that,
and I tried to explain to her:
Look. I had it figured out.
I built a food mountain.
And calculated how much time
I'd be away
and it was all gonna work,
but Mr. Lahey fucked it up!
Point being...
that makes me a neglector.
I know, you're right.
Can I just get them?
I'll take them right now.
No. I'm afraid not.
$127 a cat times 27, you come up
with that and you can have your cats.
Jenn? Could you do a
run-up to Horton's?
Yeah.
Thanks.
Hey!
Come in after hours to see your cats.
Julian!
Fuck!
Where's Ricky? He didn't get out?
No. He got out.
I didn't think it'd be this bad!
What the fuck is Ricky doin'?
Look, don't tell him Randy and Lahey
shaved your head.
He'll fucking freak out and attack them.
That's the last thing we need right now.
That's the last of my worries anyway.
I don't have that kind of money.
We'll figure that out, okay?
Why are we at the dump?
And why's he hidin'?
Man, you scared the fuck out of me.
I thought you were the cops.
What are you doing?
I told you to cover that up.
I can still see it.
It's almost done.
Department of Corrections?
What the fuck is that!?
We had to steal it to rob the liquor
store to get some start-up money.
My goodness...
Don't worry about it. Smooth as piss.
Where did you get the fucking dope
Monte Carlo, man!
It's awesome. Fucking SS.
It's the company car.
Paid 4 grand for it, bud.
How much money's left?
Nothing.
Well, I had to buy tools.
I had to get the garage door.
which is going to go on tomorrow,
start-up costs.
You spent all the fucking money.
Well, you gotta spend money
to make money.
that's the way business works, okay?
Actually, no, it's not.
You keep your money,
then you have your money.
That's how you fucking make money.
And who the fuck made you in charge
of our money?
Who came up with the 4-year
business plan? Me.
Success. Yeah. Guess what?
I don't even get success.
Can everybody just stop fighting?
Listen... Look.
Since you don't even understand
what I'm saying here.
why don't I show you, get in the car.
Is that one of those fucking
Hostess Munchies hats?
Yes.
It's awesome.
Give it back. Give it--
What in the fuck happened
to your head!
I was... messin' around.
My God...
He got drunk and high
and tried to cut his hair.
He fucked up.
You did that yourself?.
My God, did you ever fuck it up!
No. I know.
That sucks, man.
Yeah, it sucks. It sucks moose balls.
And I did it.
Give me my fucking thing.
Look! It's Shitwinkle and Cocky.
What the fuck are those idiots doing?
So much is riding on this.
We have all the tenants in the
new park, who have no sewer.
And we have to put the sewer line
through Julian's property.
And I am confident.
I have every hope
that Julian's gonna see the light.
and he's gonna accept my offer,
and be reasonable.
Julian... I gotta talk to you
about something really important.
Because if he doesn't,
I'm up shit creek.
Take a look at this trailer.
You haven't seen it for 2 years.
Look at it. It's falling down.
It's virtually condemned.
It needs to be destroyed.
This is totally rotten.
I've had it appraised.
A generous appraisal for $1,200.
Julian. I'm willing to offer you $1,400
and $700 Canadian Tire money.
And a chance for a new life
in my new park. What do you say?
You see this trailer?
My grandmother used to own that trailer.
Now, I own it. It's my home.
I'm gonna start up a business
in that trailer.
It's gonna be called Success Auto Body.
I've got a 4-year plan on it.
The wheels are already in motion, okay?
You're too late. Sorry.
Okay, Julian--
Come on, Randy.
Look--
Your minute's up.
Yeah, okay. I'm going.
I'm not gonna offer you...
I'm not gonna ask you
to sign anything here.
Thank you.
Just will you consider it?
Just consider the important nature.
Good night, guys.
You'd be a hero!
Thanks a lot. Thanks, Rick, Bubbles.
We're tired. If you guys wanna
come back tomorrow,
maybe have a couple of drinks
or whatever...
Success Auto Body...
That's kind of a shitty name.
Randy, see... there's no need of you
having to say that.
Just... there's no need of that
whatsoever.
Like, if you're gonna disrespect us,
I mean, I could just sit here and...
I could piss all over your new car,
if you want.
If you're gonna disrespect us,
maybe I'll disrespect you.
Ricky, fuck off, Ricky...
Just let them drive away.
He's pissin' on the car.
Very nice car. It is. I like it a lot.
You stared at his cock enough, Randy.
Thanks for coming down to see us.
I really enjoyed it.
Just remember:
you drew the first piss.
You just remember:
you drew first, fuck off!
Bubbles...
Sorry about the hair, bud.
It was an accident.
Yeah, yeah...
What the fuck is he talking about?
Did he...
You know what, Ricky?
Did you do this or did he do this?
I wasn't gonna tell you.
Those 2 bastards did it.
My fuck...
Listen, It was an accident, come on.
What I'm gonna do to them
is gonna be an accident.
We can't just fucking let them
get away with that!
Ricky is a problem.
He's always been a problem.
But... I'm hoping that he'll go
along with Julian's decision.
and that maybe we can turn over
a new leaf.
What do you want, Ricky?
Fucking talk to the 2 of you guys
by myself.
Randy, get in the house, Randy.
Frig off, Ricky.
You can't just go around shaving
people's fucking heads.
It was an accident, Ricky.
Accident, was it?
You'd better clear out of this park.
You're not welcome here.
Ricky, this is home invasion, bud.
You wanna go back to jail, Ricky?
Ricky, calm down. Calm down!
I'll calm down in about 5 minutes.
Calm down. Listen, just calm down.
What the fuck do we
have here, Randy?
I was doing my hair
and Bubbles came in.
It was an accident, Ricky.
Have some rings, Ricky.
Calm down. Eat some rings.
Have something to eat.
I'd love some fucking onion rings.
We can talk about this.
Just don't go crazy here, okay?
You deserve this, Randy.
for what you fucking did to Bubbles.
You like that?
Stop, you're hurting me.
Guess what? You're getting
your fucking head shaved right now
'cause nobody shaves
my fucking friend's head.
What are you doing?! Ricky!
Stop fucking squirming.
Ricky!
Get that away from me, Ricky!
That's for fucking Bubbles, Randy.
Randy, are you okay, bud?
Fuck!
Ricky, open the goddamn door.
Yeah? Marker time...
What the fuck are you doin', Ricky?
Stop it!
Ricky...
Don't make me...
Do you have any idea
what you did to this town, Ricky?
You know what you did, Ricky?
I know exactly what I fucking did.
Randy?
What the hell did you do?
Are you okay?
Just came over here to talk.
No big deal.
To talk...?
Randy made some food.
Fucking onion rings are delicious.
Have some, Bubs?
Oh, man, you're gonna pay this time.
You are really gonna pay.
What do I owe you?
Shit... I don't know
what Ricky did to Randy.
He's locked himself in the bathroom,
and he's crying.
What the fuck
do you want me to do?
I'm getting fucking drunk tonight!
Julian, it's not enough
to go through life
relying on good looks
and an incredible body.
The perfect man has got a good heart.
Sometimes, you gotta put other people's
interests ahead of you own, Julian.
That's a good, wholesome,
sexy thing to do.
Fuck.
Holy fuck, we drank a lot
last night, Lucy.
Why don't we order
some goddamn chicken?
Drinking is not all we did
last night.
Good morning, Julian.
Good morning, Rick.
Good morning, Julian.
Hey.
I don't wanna sound cold, I mean,
like Julian and I,
you know, we've known each other
for a while, but he's gotta...
grow up a little bit, he's gotta...
take his life in a successful path?
Great. But I don't really want
any part of it.
You know, I have always blamed Ricky
for all their little shenanigans.
but frankly, it's Julian that invents
these little schemes,
and gets everybody involved, and then,
he brings everybody down with him.
Hey, boys!
Hey, what's up, man?
What's up, my man?
Thanks for coming for the interview.
What's he talking about, boy?
I told you about this, man.
I'm hiring for the shop.
Don't worry about it now. I'm taking
you guys out for a company breakfast.
I'll explain all the details then.
Yeah, man. Don't worry, man.
Interview? You said there was a show.
Yeah, it's for the shop, man.
I'll explain to you as we go, man.
I don't know if I'm feeling it.
Take it from me,
'cause I know what will happen.
I'm gonna make it in the rap game.
That will happen. That's a fact.
Same way that it's a fact
that Success Auto Body
will not be a success.
It should be called
Unsuccess Auto Body.
I took out a full-page ad,
and between the people that I know
that are gonna come,
wanting to hang out,
have something to eat,
listen to J-Roc.
And all the other people will read it.
I think it's gonna be pretty busy.
Maybe even too busy.
Julian got big plans.
but he...
he ego-writin' cheques
that his brain can't cash, dog.
What the fuck are the Ship Captain
and Tenille up to now?
I've done some research,
and I found out that if I did go
to court with Lahey,
he could actually expropriate my land,
and if that happens, I'm fucked.
So, right now, I've gotta buy some time,
get along with him,
get the business running.
Once it's up and running,
he can't do a thing to me.
Listen... a lot of bullshit went down
with this head shaving, okay?
I just wanna clear the air,
and put this past us.
We can put this past us, Julian.
We can clear the air.
But first, I want you to see
what Ricky did to
Randy's beautiful hair.
Randy!
Nice hat, Randy.
Look at this.
Ricky shaved all his hair off
and scribbled it in with black marker.
We did what we could to fix it
trying to make it look normal.
It still looks fucked!
I demand an apology from Ricky.
Just a sec.
I can't believe what you did
to his fucking hair.
I didn't do all that. I just shaved
it once. It was squiggly!
I did the little curl, that's it.
They fucked it up when they fixed it.
Come on. Our fucking life depends
on this, Ricky!
Randy? He's got something
to say to you.
I'm sorry that you shaved
Bubbles' head.
It kind of made me get that done
to your head
with a permanent marker, and I didn't...
I don't know.
I'm sorry. I guess,
that it all happened.
Fuck you, then.
Ricky...
Randy...
I don't know why you didn't just
wash it off.
I tried... I won't come out.
All right. Are you cool, Ricky?
Yeah.
You even, now, Bubs?
I believe I've achieved satisfaction.
Okay. You guys go wait in the car.
I gotta talk to Jim about his offer.
Randy...
I'm thinking more about that deal
you offered me.
Good.
It's starting to sound pretty good.
You come over tomorrow,
and I'll show you your new trailer.
It is fantastic.
I'm sure it will help you make up
your mind.
Just a second, Randy?
You don't need the hat, buddy, okay?
Here, take it.
It looks... you look good.
Looks tough.
Really?
Yeah.
Julian told him he looked tough.
Think he started to believe it, but...
He does not look tough,
he looks fucked.
Okay, guys, nice and steady.
Keep it coming.
That's it. Slow it down.
All right, that's good. That's good.
That's good.
T. J-Roc, get over here.
Now with this newspaper ad,
it might get real busy tomorrow.
We might have
to turn people away, okay?
So, I want you guys to get lots of rest,
no drinkin' tonight.
All right, I can have a couple of drinks.
It's gonna be an early morning.
No drinkin'.
And Bubs, get rid of this church shit.
Y'all took that from a church?
That's cold, dog. You don't fuck
with church, motherfuckers.
Come on, now.
Old people and their beans?
Come on, man.
What's wrong with you!
It's all good, man. Just go, man.
Hi!
Hey...
How are you doin'?
Good.
Come in.
Hey guys!
How are you doing?
Fuck. I'm sorry I let you down.
I'm gotta get you out, though.
See, these are all free-range kitties.
They don't like being locked up.
Free-range kitties?
Yeah, they do as they please.
That's their... whole thing.
It's cool if you don't... but,
do you wanna smoke a joint?
Yes, please.
It's kind of hard to explain, but...
I have these friends, and they're...
kind of like my family, and...
sometimes, they do dumb things,
you know, and...
I end up doing dumb things with them.
But it's only because I love them.
You know, they're... like my...
only family.
Yeah...
I hope you don't think I'm too crazy.
Are you feeling that yet?
Man...
Fuck, I love kitties.
Could something bad actually
happen to them
if I don't get them out of here soon?
It'll just cost too much
to keep them here.
Yeah...
Well, my friends are trying to raise
the money as we speak, so...
Perfect!
Fuck!
I don't know, Julian,
it's... close. I guess.
You guys wanna come in for a tour?
We can't have a great opening
without balloons!
Man. I'm sorry I fucked up, man.
With the price of balloons nowadays...
Steel roll-up garage door I put in.
Come on in!
Success Auto Body.
All brand-new concrete floors.
All new lighting.
overhead lighting and side lighting.
Ricky did that. Nice job, Ricky.
Thanks, Bubs.
And that's the paint station there.
All the paints ready to go.
I can rock tunes on that music thing.
All the tools are hung up, ready to go.
We got recycling...
This is a professional-looking
operation.
I need to do my sound check.
Can't work with that gear.
Yeah, but what is it? A big concert?
No, but it was a deal.
So why don't you replace it
before the show?
Listen, it's about opening up
a business, all right?
With J-Roc performing.
Maybe I'll tell my fans not to come.
Listen, hold on. Boys...
we're officially open.
Let's go meet the customers.
Come on.
Yo!
Yo!
Hey, excuse me, Julian?
When do I rock the mic, dog?
Just wait for some customers.
I've been waitin', dog.
Just keep waitin', then.
Yo!
Yeah!
Yeah!... Yeah...
Yeah...
J-Roc...
Oh my!
Lahey...
Hey, Jim.
Afternoon, gentlemen.
Julian, what you managed
to accomplish here
in such a short time is...
it's very attractive.
I think you'll find that you've got
a little problem with the... location.
I'm willing to sweeten my offer:
I'll help you move your garage,
and I'll foot all the bills.
Why would he help you?
You're the one who fucking had us
thrown in jail for the last 2 years.
We're victims of our own actions.
It's kind of like a stupid tax.
The stupider you are, the more you pay.
Yeah? Well, the more fucked you are,
the more fucked you are.
I hope you make the right decision,
Julian...
or things could get really nasty.
The two of you race in this slut
in the Grecian Formula One.
with your painted hair?
You going back to Baldhead Rock,
Mr. Lahey, with your whack car?
Stay out of the old park!
Go on and play
your leprechaun golf, bitch!
You know what, Julian?
I'm not sure what success
is supposed to feel like.
but I don't think this is it, man.
I'm going to see the old man.
Come on, Julian!
Don't get discouraged now.
Can't give up. I can't give up.
Maybe I should have just went
with the radio ads.
Well, it's an idea.
Nobody reads the fucking newspaper.
Here we go.
Can't not be feelin' it
Jared's got the quickness
Like a shorty with the thickness
And we been over this
and over this
'Cause you can't not be feelin' this
T, where's my track at, dog?
Man, it's over, man!
What you talking about ''it's over''?
You don't turn my track down
when I'm performing a show!
Ain't nobody here, man!
Nobody here? Bubbles is here, dog.
Ain't nobody feelin' it.
Fuck!
What are you talking' about.
''nobody feeling it'', dog?
Ain't nobody feelin' this, man.
I was feeling it. You don't...
What are you doing?
I'm taking my mic, man.
J-Roc. I was feeling it.
Positive thinking.
There's one thing I gotta know baby
Can you open that soul
just one more time
Hey, Rick!
Oh my, fuck. Dad! This is it?
Come on up, man!
This is your new house?
A fucking tugboat. I love it.
Buddy! Hey, man!
Watch your step here.
So, how are things going?
Not so good. I hear?
Success isn't doing so good.
is that what it is?
Not one customer, Dad. None...
Fuck, buddy, it's...
The problem is that... it's Julian, man.
He's... always running off
with these crazy ideas.
But that's his dream.
Don't you have your own dreams, Rick?
Dad... I mean, I do.
I just...
I feel so stu...
goddamn stupid sometimes,
and I don't know if I could do it
by myself.
Don't... I don't wanna hear
you say that, Rick.
Lucy's telling me you're gonna get
your grade 12, Rick.
I am.
I mean, think about that.
You know, there's nobody in our family
who's ever got their grade 12.
I've never even met anybody
who's got his grade 12.
and you're almost there, man.
That's smart.
That's true.
Well, I do have one pretty good idea.
Yeah?
I don't even know why it came to me,
but you know those green bins?
You can get them anywhere,
anyone's house.
They're all over the place.
You take one of those...
Put a light in the top,
one plant in the bottom.
Everybody's going to the mall buying
this shitty mall dope.
There's no good dope around.
Especially with me in jail.
I could sell them one of these things,
for a couple hundred bucks.
which I would make
at least 150 off that.
and they'd have a pound of weed
in 45 days.
Rick, listen to me, man.
That's a brilliant idea.
That's a brilliant idea.
You really think so?
Yes, and you can do it.
Let me just... let me just...
You know what these are, right?
They're battery cables, right.
Just regular battery cables.
But here's the thing.
All through life, man.
you've hooked one battery cable
onto your battery, which is good.
You need that.
But you've always taken this battery
cable, the positive battery cable...
and you hooked it to Julian.
Pretend I'm Julian, okay?
So, you hooked it to Julian.
Okay.
You're startin' your dreams...
off Julian's battery.
You see? See what I'm saying?
What you gotta do, Rick.
what you gotta do is take
this fucking positive cable
that's been on Julian's battery,
and you hook it there.
Feel it now?
Now, start it up.
You are totally fucking right.
You're out of here.
Go.
Look. Dad, you just make everything
make so much sense.
I mean, Julian's thing
wasn't working out.
I gotta do something for me,
and my dad's totally right.
I'm not gonna let
Julian boss me around.
So... I'll help him out
when I have time,
but I'm doin' my own business now.
I came to this neighbourhood.
My dad told me to come here.
There's green bins everywhere,
it's green bin day.
And these people live in these houses.
you can take whatever
you want from them,
and they don't care,
as long as you be nice to them,
they think you're not a criminal.
Ricky, just... hang on!
Check these out, Bubs!
Oh, my God!
Those are not fucking around.
They're not fucking around!
Hi, little fella.
It's gonna totally work.
How much loot
is it going to haul in, though?
Quite a bit, I think, and if it does,
the first thing I'm doing, buddy,
is helping you with your cats.
Don't worry about them.
It's awesome and everything,
but how long is it gonna take.
Time is... you know...
It's gonna take some time.
My fucking head is driving me nuts!
Do you ever get your head
like when it just won't shut up,
and it keeps talking to itself, and...
it's killing me.
So I started studying, and my dad,
it's just yap, yap, yap!
Fuck, what is that?
That's thinking.
It's what?
Thinking. You're thinking.
You know, your brain's probably
using parts
that have never been used.
That's all that is?
Yeah! It's good!
Well, one of the thinks I had was that
you could help me with this,
and help me study, and I'll cut you in.
We'd be like a team.
You'll cut me in on this
if I help you study?
It's a fuck of a lot better
than what's going on over there.
Look.
Deal.
Jesus, look at Randy's head.
The marker hasn't faded at all.
He looks like a goddamn weevil.
Hey, Julian.
Hey, Bubbles.
How's it going, Jimmy?
Good. Nice to see you.
This is it! Full-treated sun deck
with a lifetime guarantee.
Piss shack will be going in
in 2 days. Check this out.
Full cathedral ceiling.
Hallelujah
Vinyl mullions in all the windows,
and you won't believe this kitchen.
You've got oak veneer panelling
on the doors.
We got matching ebony microwave,
and a dishwasher which Bo-Bandy
installed this morning.
Good work. Bo-Bandy.
Full electric heating.
You have laundry, second entrance.
and a beautiful master bedroom
with a bathroom ensuite.
But this is the piece de resistance.
Tadam!
Full complementary bar.
Let me freshen your drink,
will you, Julian?
Where did you get that picture
of Julian, Mr. Lahey?
Bubbles, if you wanna drop over,
and see me later,
I might have a little deal for you, too.
Randy, contract.
Julian, strike while the iron's hot.
What do you think?
It's a nice trailer, and...
it's really nice.
Great. Sign right here.
I still have one problem.
What about my business?
What about your business?
I just opened it.
Julian. I can give you 6 months
for your rent here.
I'll sweeten the pot. Look!
We could set your business up
next door if you want to.
Yeah, but then, I'll be paying lot
fees over there and lot fees here.
Julian, step outside.
There's something I gotta show you.
Look at this wonderful side yard.
This is fucking nice.
It's fucking nice, all right.
Come on, Rick!
What?
Come on, hurry up!
Just gimme a second here.
You should've let me go first.
I paid 4 grand for this car,
you know.
Yeah?
It's appraised for 7.
Well, that's good, Julian.
How about I unload it,
and give you the cash,
so you can put it towards your cats
to get them out?
Really?
Yeah.
That would be awesome, but...
I know what this limited edition
Monte Carlo SS means to you.
Bubs, your cats mean way more to me
than this limited edition Monte Carlo SS
that's in mint condition.
You mean more to me.
I love you, you big goof.
I love you too, Julian.
I think Julian...
really likes that trailer.
He said he wasn't even going to move.
He said he was stayin'.
Yeah, but that was what he said,
Randy, but he didn't mean that.
Look, if you'd saw his body language.
You should've seen him.
I saw him. He was just doing...
I... I saw it. He said he's staying.
Randy... he's playing sexy hardball
with us.
I think we should have a little drink
to celebrate--
Just a little sip of beer. One sip.
You can't be serious.
Yeah.
Just one sip.
This is real beer with alcohol in it.
It's organic beer, Randy!
Just one beer. Look, I'm never going
back on the hard liquor. Just...
Look. Celebratory sip.
It's alcohol!
It's...
Randy, it doesn't count.
Beer and coolers don't count.
Randy, my problem's with hard liquor.
It's not with beer.
Look, the... Just let it go.
Let it go.
It's just been a countdown
to liquor day, hasn't it?
Asshole...
One fucking sip is all I wanted.
You're a fucking alcoholic!
You're a prick.
down the toilet.
Liquor makes me think, Randy!
Liquor makes me think, Randy!
This is whack, dog.
What do you mean, man?
This is bullish. It's greasy.
It's amateur hour.
I thought you were down
with the program?
Bubs, you gonna be okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
All right, well,
talk to you in a bit, man.
All right, let's get this over with.
T. I changed my mind.
I'm not feeling this, dog.
What are you talkin' about?
Not feeling it, dog.
Some weird shit's gonna go down.
I'm not feeling it.
Look, man, you just need to relax.
You need to calm down, man.
Everything's gonna be all right.
It ain't gonna be all right.
And it ain't worth fucking up
my career up, dog.
It ain't worth it. We should bust.
Look, we just need to do this,
we'll go home and get a few drinks.
There's gonna be a lot of hos out
tonight.
I don't give a fuck. I'm gonna bust.
You bustin' with me?
Sorry, dog.
I'm out.
We don't have all fucking night here,
guys.
T, what the fuck is going on?
He's backing out, man!
What, he's bailing?
Yeah, man.
Come on, let's burn it.
Go, Ricky!
Ricky, your trunk's on fire.
I know! Don't be a pussy, man!
It'll just burn itself out.
Did you clean the onion ring crumbs
out of the bed?
Yes. I cleaned the onion rings
out of the friggin' bed.
You're not gonna eat those goddamn
onion rings for breakfast again?
Just shut up.
and just let me eat breakfast?
You're getting all greasy.
You've never been this fat
before in your life! Stand up.
No.
Stand up.
Jeez...
You're sucking it in. Let it hang out.
God! This is disgusting.
You don't want to go to Cuba
with that greasy boiler, do you?
I don't wanna go to Cuba.
They don't even have any fucking dope.
They have dope in Cuba.
They don't. It's Communist country.
Randy!
Just fuck off with the ''Randys''!
Hey, guys!
Off the deck, please. Off the deck.
Okay.
Julian, right?
Yeah.
Your car was reported stolen
last night. And we found it.
Are you kidding me?
Yeah, it was incinerated.
At 4 a.m., under the bridge.
Fuck! What were you
doing this morning?
I was paintin' a car last night
in there.
Anybody working with you
who could verify that?
No.
Well, so far,
Julian's gotten away with it.
You know...
he's a person of interest though,
in the arson of his own car.
They're investigating him.
I appreciate what he was trying to do.
It was a nice thing, but...
Fuck!
Hey, Bubs!
Hey, Mr. Lahey!
The job of Garden Manager comes
with deluxe accommodation, Bubbles.
The salary starts at 16.5,
with full pension benefits.
Guaranteed, it's an awful lot easier
than say...
working at a body shop for a living.
Spent a lot of time
setting this up.
Very well-appointed kitchen.
Extremely comfortable bed, and...
full shower,
once we get the sewer hooked up.
So... did Julian mention anything to you
about anything?
No, not really. I mean, he's
pretty busy with Success Auto Body.
How's that going?
Good!
Hey, Chris! What's up, man!
What's up, Ricky?
Can I park here?
Small tokes, man.
This stuff's fucking potent.
Thanks, man.
Ricky.
Jail Outreach. Grade 12.
Yeah, cameras.
You gotta do the whole searchy.
I'm telling you right now:
I got something on me.
Yeah. Just a bit of green.
I tell you, man.
I don't plan on coming back here,
but if I do,
I just want you to put that away.
You smoke just as much as I do.
Yeah, I'll just give you
a couple of those.
Thanks, man.
Want to boost me up
so I can hide this somewhere?
Okay, cool.
So, this must be the...
the recording device. Is it?
Yeah.
Nice.
Hey, buddy!
Yo! Yo! What's going on, T?
What's going on with you, man?
Yeah! Je-ah! How are you feeling?
I'm just working, man!
Let me ''aks'' you something
real quick, dog.
Anyone all up in your eyes
about that arson bullshit?
No, man.
Ain't nobody talk to me, man.
You shook?
I didn't shook, man.
Julian didn't shook. I didn't shook.
Well, I didn't shook.
I don't shook about nothing in my life
right now, dog.
I'm livin' large, man.
Record label comin'
to my show tonight, boy.
Man, don't even talk to me about that
record label shit, man.
You're always...
Don't suck your teeth at me, man.
Don't suck your teeth at me!
Don't suck your teeth at me!
Don't give me no reason to suck them
and I won't suck them!
Once he realizes not to
suck his teeth at me, you know,
we can have a nice conversation,
and be boys and stuff.
But it could have got really ugly.
And I don't like it when motherfuckers
suck their teeth at me, man!
So don't be sucking your teeth at me.
I don't like sucking them.
you know what I mean?
When I sucked them. I was like...
''T, man! Where'd you go, dog?''
I don't even recognize
that motherfucker no more.
'Cause we had a dream, the 2 of us.
Now, he's talking about how he doesn't
believe in the dream no more.
Now suddenly. I'm one motherfucker
having to believe
in the whole dream by myself.
It was more dope when it was
'cause it was only 50% of the dream
each of us was responsible for.
Whatever happened to the 2 of us?
You know what happened, man.
Big change.
What happened? Where did you go?
Big change, big things.
Where are you at?
Big change, go on.
Go on to your oil change.
Can I get you another wine cooler?
Sure!
No more wine coolers.
Do you want a tall boy?
You drank all my wine coolers?
There was only a couple left, Randy.
For fuck's sakes!
We're having a couple of problems,
you and I.
No shit!
Yeah. I want you to tell me something.
Tell me what the fuck
you got in this bag.
What? Start talking.
It's old stuff.
I don't even do that anymore.
Listen, if you're gonna be
so goddamn nosy,
why don't you explain why you're hiding
pictures of Julian in your shaving kit.
I don't hide pictures of Julian
in the washroom.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
You promised me you were never
gonna go on the street again.
And I haven't! You promised me
you weren't gonna drink again.
And you are!
Beer or wine coolers is not drinking,
Randy.
It is drinking! I think you've been
lying to me all along.
We agreed. No more man-whoring.
You're the liar.
You're out of your goddamn mind!
You turned real tough
ever since Ricky shaved your head,
did you.
If you go on the hard liquor again,
I'm out of here.
Are you ready, Bubs?
Moment of truth.
Fuck, I get nervous about things
like this.
I hope we've wired it right.
Well, if we didn't, we'll just fix it.
Nice work!
Yeah! Yes!
Hang on, they're smoking a bit.
It's just the foil.
It'll smoke for about an hour.
How's it going, boys?
Fucking incredible.
How did you do on your test, man?
You know what, Julian?
I think I fucking aced it.
No way!
Yeah!
Congrats, man!
Good job!
Check this shit out, boys!
I think you're onto something good.
Dope is success.
You don't need business plans or charts
or pictures or any of that bullshit.
You hiring?
What, you'd actually come work for me?
If that means getting his cats back,
yeah, I'll help out.
Well, I got no problem with that,
but I'm in charge.
This is my thing.
You're the boss, bud.
Julian, look at them.
Think of the money we can make
going door to door selling these things.
Who the fuck is that coming?
Fuck, it's Lahey.
He's in the fuckmobile, boys.
Howdy, guys!
Guess who's back
on the liquor...
Fuck. I'm sorry, Jim.
I thought you were the garbage.
What the fuck do you want?
Actually, Ricky,
I was just driving around,
looking for someone to be my friend.
Looking for friends, are you?
So, who do we got tonight?
Friendly Lahey out for a couple
of drinks...
or Fucky. The Drunk Clown?
Ricky, you never know...
when the circus is gonna come to town.
You better stand back, buddy.
You fucking drunk prick!
I should've fucking known it.
Why is it that every fucking thing
I try to do always gets cocked up?
I probably don't need
to point this out,
but we have another massive failure
on our hands.
Goddamnit!
Fuck this bullshit!
We're going to the animal shelter,
and we're breaking my cats out tonight.
I got this planned out,
so get suited up, we're doing this.
And don't argue with me.
But I can't...
Don't do it!
Why do we have to fucking back in?
'Cause I'm in charge, Ricky.
And I want us to pull in the right way
to make a getaway. Okay, boys.
Now listen. Stick to the plan
and it should go off without a hitch.
All right? This is a McMillan 383.
I researched this.
Now the excess magnetization
from a hotel card...
coupled with the reverse polarity
of a high interest rate credit card,
should allow a Nova Scotia health card
modified to...
Come on, baby. Ching, fuck it!
Come on, boys. Okay, now wedge
something in there
'cause now that I've overruled
the mechanism, it locks from both sides.
Julian, go in position B. You guys,
sorry but you fuck up too much.
I can't believe that worked!
I'm in position.
Stay out here...
Come on!
Grab these boxes.
Get as many kitties as you can.
Shut the fuck up!
Ricky, you're agitating them.
Making them louder.
Keep it down!
Listen to them now. They're
fucking barking their heads off.
Shut the fuck up!
Shut the fuck up!
You're just agitating them.
Go over to cell block 8.
Get the fuck going.
More of my kitties are over there.
Listen to the fucking dogs!
You motherfucker!
Someone's coming.
Fuck off!
Do you know how much
these fucking pants cost?
Fuck, boys...
Get down. Everybody get down!
We gotta keep grabbing...
Security!
Roof! Roof! You fucking like
the sound of that?
I'm grabbing these cats first.
Julian, the dogs are ruining everything.
They're fucking this up.
They won't leave me alone.
They're biting my cock.
They ripped my beautiful pants.
Bullshit!
Bubbles, come in.
Get the fuck out of there.
You know how fucking long
I've had these track pants?
Can't even get them anymore.
Jesus!
You dirty cocksucker.
Ricky, what are you doing?
My God!
Bubbles, I forgot my fucking pants!
Reverse polarity.
Jesus, boys, which card is it?
I can't remember.
Yo, what the fuck!
Let me out!
Listen, sirens!
Guys, get me out of here!
The cops are coming.
We gotta leave you behind.
What?
Sorry, T.
Fuck...
Sorry, man, they have my fucking
track pants.
Fuck!
Don't move! Stay where you are!
Who breaks into the fucking SPCA?!
Hey, des tu me, Julian?
I don't want to talk to him
right now.
Can I ''aks'' you something real quick?
It's me, the motherfucker
whose DJ's in jail
'cause you fucked up, bitch!
Tell me it ain't true, dog.
Tell me what the truth is.
Where the fuck is T at?
Listen, Tyrone's my friend, too.
Where's he at?
He's in jail.
My fuck. I feel bad for you right now
'cause I'm about to bip you in the eye.
Bip! Bip!
Okay, everything's my fault.
If you want to hit me
to make you feel better, go for it.
All right. Shut your eyes
and set your alarm clock, bitch.
'Cause I'll tumble right now.
You try to line up with the jaw--
Wait!
I was in charge.
All right, it's my fault T's in jail.
And you have no idea
how fucking terrible I feel.
Motherfucker, Bubbles,
tell me that ain't the truth.
It is.
And I'm... sorry.
So you fucked up.
My DJ's in jail.
That's all because
of your fucking kitties.
Yeah.
B, you should feel terrible.
What the fuck do you think
is gonna happen with my career, dog?
Another man in jail
'cause of your kitties.
Go on with your stripe-shaped head.
It's whack and I'm not feeling it.
I know it is.
Enjoy your success, man.
Hope it smells nice on the outside
where my DJ ain't.
Wanna see success, Julian?
Keep your eyes on this! Yo!
Keep your eyes on this! Yo! Yo!
Brap! Yo!
What about our food?
Randy, I decided to lay off the food
for a bit, and go on booze.
You were right.
The beer was clouding my judgement.
I made a decision.
I need this to help me get through,
Randy.
You had to have one drink of beer,
didn't you?
You don't understand!
The liquor's calling the shots now,
Randy.
Hey, Randy?
Where are you going, bud?
Mr. Lahey, where did you get
all the money for the liquor?
Randy, to be perfectly honest:
I had to dip into the Cuba fund.
I need the hard liquor
to help me make it through this.
I'm leaving you, Mr. Lahey.
Maybe it's for the best, Randy.
Maybe I need
to drink this out alone, bud.
Randy...
Randy...
Randy!
You can't make it without me, bud!
You'll be back.
I fall
To pieces
Each time I see you again
I fall to pieces
Just me and the liquor now.
Julian, I know
what you're trying to do here.
I know you're trying to get me drunk.
So, what's the big announcement?
Let's just get it out.
I wanna rob a bank.
Rob a bank?
It's not exactly robbing a bank.
It's more like intercepting
money transfers.
They're at the bank.
we go in, take them?
Yeah.
That's robbing a bank.
Julian, that's armed robbery.
I'm not fucking doing that.
Fuck that.
Listen.
We don't need
to use guns on this one.
Ricky, you know how dumb
those armed guards are.
They show up at the bank every Friday
at precisely 5 o'clock...
to collect the money deposits, okay?
All we gotta do is show up
dressed exactly like they are,
in the same uniforms,
with an armoured van,
and it'll be a piece of cake.
Piece of cake.
If it was a piece of cake like that,
why wouldn't people do it every day.
and people would be walking in,
talking piles of money?
'Cause they don't have the balls.
Yeah, well, neither do I.
Listen.
Let's just enjoy our meals, okay?
You guys don't have to give me
an answer right now.
Just think about it. Thanks, boys.
And some more shooters and stuff, too.
Give me the keys. You're hammered.
Give me them.
I'm not fucking going home yet, guys.
No. A couple more drinks.
Everything's closed.
The fucking Dirty Burger's set up
on the waterfront.
I heard they're serving liquor. Come on.
Come on, guys!
Come on! We're partying here!
I don't wanna go drinking
at the goddamn Dirty Burger.
Shutting it down yet, boys.
Come on! Let's party here!
Just hang on.
Why?
I don't wanna go out there.
Why not?
No, no: liquor, drinks. Come on!
Let's get some more drinks.
Man-whores, Ricky.
I'm scared of them.
Man-whores can't do anything to you.
What do you mean, scared?
Come on! Liquor, drinks. Come on!
How did you get so drunk?
You know how the liquor works!
Drink it and you're drunk!
Yeah, look at the mob.
Relax, Buds. Come on.
Philly! Hey!
Good, buddy!
We need some burgers
and some drinks!
Come over here, buddy!
Get a burger and a free drink
at the Dirty Burger!
Jacob! Drinks! Drinks! Drinks!
Let's go!
Come on, son! How are you doing?
Good. How are you doing?
Good, man, good.
We're fucking on her tonight.
Come on, Bubs. Let's get some.
Come on. Jacob.
Let's get that grub up.
Let's have a burger here.
And some drinks, buddy.
Burgers and some fucking drinks,
Jacob.
Keep your head on a swivel
around here.
Let's go with the drinks.
Come on...
He's sucking the dart.
I'm not fucking going anywhere.
Are you serious?
I'm staying right here.
and I'm gonna have another
fucking few drinks.
I'm gonna eat about 4 burgers.
and fucking shut her down then.
Ricky. I'm not hanging around here--
Boys, boys, boys...
That's Randy.
That's not fucking Randy...
Fucking Randy where?
Fuck, he's changing.
What's he doing here, man?
What do you think he's doing
on Man Whore Alley?
He's hooking.
He's hooking for cheeseburgers.
That sucks.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Moving up to the top not by stepping
on but merely by stepping over.
Must be fighting with Lahey.
I'd say so.
He's not a bad dancer, though.
Odd thing to say, Julian.
Who the fuck's the guy
that he's talking to?
Don't I know that guy?
He does look familiar.
My Christ... He's going with him.
My fuck! Check it out, boys!
That fucking car
is fucking awesome!
Fucking mint.
Posi-traction, nitrous...
Fucking original paint.
You better believe it, big boy!
Ricky, come here.
Those are man-whores.
Greasy man-whores.
Bubs, who gives a fuck?
A fucking El Camino!
You gotta pop the hood.
I gotta see your fucking engine.
All right. I'm gonna get some drinks.
You guys like to party?
Fucking party!
All right, here we...
It's time to go home.
You like to fucking party?
I love to party...
Fucking clean!
Okay, boys. You got the wrong idea.
Ricky, we're going home.
What a bunch of party poopers.
You're fucking wasted, buddy.
What the fuck?
What are you doing,
coming down here
with only 15 fucking dollars!
Police.
Stay where you are. Nobody move.
Police!
Run, everybody, run!
We're fucked!
Dad, we're not fucked.
We are fucked! You sons of bitches!
Come on. We might need him.
Fuck!
Officer, we can take him home
from here, okay?
He's a really good friend of ours.
We've been looking for him all night,
trying to get him off the street.
He doesn't need jail,
he just needs his friends right now.
I need my buddies.
What do you think. Keith?
He's good people.
Fucking right!
All right.
All right. You can take him home.
All right, thanks, officer.
You got some good friends here, buddy.
We're taking you home, buddy.
Come on.
Fuck off.
Fuck off.
Take it easy.
Fuck, Randy!
Just get him home.
Dicks!
That your fucking bag, Randy?
Fuck off!
Fuck...
Use your legs, bud.
What the fuck are you doin'?
We're going home, Randy.
Fucking... You know what?
Just fucking pick me up here
tomorrow, boys.
Ricky!
I gotta...
I gotta piss, guys.
Randy, don't...
Get up.
Give me my arm back.
I'm tired, and I wanna go back home...
Fuck!
and get some drinks.
Julian, he's pissing all over the...
Randy... place.
Randy.
Randy. Come on, wake up.
Ricky, get up.
Would you mind if I stayed with you
for a little while? I got nowhere to go.
Yeah, you can stay on my deck, Randy.
Thanks, Julian.
It will be our secret.
Randy...
Jim?
What went on last night, man?
Don't think it's any of your business.
You think I'm stupid?
You can't expect to waltz back in here
after a night of man-whoring,
and fall back into my arms?
You can't do that to me, Randy.
You can't!
I'm not! I'm just here
to get a couple of things.
My fryer, my onions...
I thought you should know.
I'm livin' with Julian.
What did you say?
I'm living with Julian.
We're dating.
How often you working out anyway?
Just keep shoveling, okay?
Won't have to go to
the gym today, though.
I really hate to interrupt this!
We're filling the sewer,
and you should be helping us.
We need to talk.
Yeah. I gotta talk to you too, man.
Check it out.
An exact duplicate, man.
Precise in every detail.
This is a fucking work of art, man.
Well, you did a great job.
but it doesn't mean fuck all to me.
'Cause I'm not doin' it.
Why?
Grade fucking 12 came today
in the mail.
Randy... take the van,
hide it in the dump before
Lahey starts snooping around.
Sure thing.
You gotta think about this, man.
Well, I've thought about it, you know?
It's time for me and my family.
Not for this.
Well, basically, after today.
I mean, I'm gonna get my grade 12.
I wanna share that with my family,
and... just start being a good person.
Not doing jobs anymore with Julian.
Not doing a bank robbery
for goddamn sure, it's stupid.
Once you have a grade 12,
you don't need to rob banks.
Why would you?
You can do anything.
I hope someday,
I can work with Julian again.
But right now,
my kitties are on the line,
and I can't take any more chances
with that,
till he gets his shit back together.
Hey, Bubbles!
What are you doing here?
I came to accept that job offer.
Fantastic news.
The best news of the day.
Snap of liquor?
Is that all hard liquor?
It's all liquor. It's all hard.
My fuck...
Glad you came to your senses, Bub.
Listen, Mr. Lahey.
This is only if I can get
the first 6 months
of my pay in advance. I'm sorry, but...
those are my conditions.
You drive a hard bargain, Bubbles.
This is just between me and you:
Julian's gonna take the new trailer
'cause he has no choice.
Look, do we have a deal or not?
I need something in writing.
Absolutely, Bubs.
You're gonna have your paperwork
in a minute, but...
first, if you don't mind,
I would appreciate if you would
take care of these for me, please.
What?
I thought I was the garden manager!
Bubbles!
Garden managers don't fucking wash
old dirty pairs of underwear.
You have many different varieties
of jobs, Bubbles.
Do you want it or not?
Yes.
Hey, Bubs! Hey, bud.
Got your contract.
There's a...
few extra-curricular activities
I need you to take care of here.
There you go.
So, I want you to take the gator over.
You okay to drive the gator?
Yes.
Good.
I need you to go over
and get the wheelbarrow,
come back,
and gravel around here, okay?
Mr. Lahey. I don't understand
anything you're saying.
I said, get the wheelbarrow,
and bring...
Good work, Bubs.
Okay, are you all right?
A man can only take so much abuse.
I've been playin' Mr. Nice Guy
for too long.
If Julian wants a fucking pissing match,
I'm your man.
You want a shot of Sweet Jack?
That's a goddamn dirty drink.
You guys wanna see something?
I'm asking you.
Do you wanna see me
do something really fucked up?
Drink, Rand?
Sure.
Attention!
Attention!
This is an emergency evacuation
of all trailers in this area.
I repeat: evacuate immediately.
Get out, everybody!
Get the fuck out!
Evacuate all trailers immediately!
There's a construction accident
about to occur. This is an emergency.
What the hell is he doin'?
He flipped, Julian!
...all trailers in this area.
We gotta get the fuck out of here.
I repeat! Evacuate, emergency!
A potential construction accident
is about to occur.
Let's get the fuck out of here!
Get out of the fucking trailers! Now!
No!
Julian!
You guys were
in a fucking incredible accident.
Julian, don't look so concerned, bud!
I got a cheque for 1,400 bucks from
construction insurance comin' your way.
Guess what, Randy? I'm gonna
be able to build the fucking sewer.
Best news yet:
you guys get your own place.
Just up the street from me.
Win-win situation, boys.
You finally lost it, Jim.
Randy...
You think you won, don't you?
Well, guess what:
my trailer's insured for $28,000...
which means I'm gonna rebuild it
right there, on that site.
What's left to say, guys?
You guys are made for each other.
who don't have anything to do
with Jim Lahey,
'cause he likes to have a little drink
once in a while.
You're a crazy fucking drunk.
Yeah? The only difference
between me and you, Julian,
is a couple of drinks.
I got the letter from the grade 12,
people!
Open it, Lucy. I can't do it.
All right. Okay, ready?
''Dear Richard''--
Come on, come on! What did I get?
''It is our sincerest... regret to''--
What did I get? What did I get?
Out of what?
So, I didn't get it.
Bubbles, where's Lahey?
He's inside. Why?
Stop what you're doing,
and come with me.
Why?
Now.
Let go!
What's goin' on, Julian?
You come for the keys to the trailer?
I'm not movin'.
Is it true what they say about you
and Randy?
Yeah. It is.
Julian... let me take care of you.
You get away from me!
You and I will have our day!
I look forward to that day, Julian.
Well, looks like I'm in now.
This is the exact replica
of the armoured van
that's gonna show up at the bank today
at precisely 5 o'clock.
Exact in every detail.
Really?
Think those guys made their decals
out of electric tape?
Don't pick at it.
These are my hockey sticks,
and old lattice work.
Trust me.
No one will notice the difference.
Are you serious about this?
What are we gonna wear?
Randy?
These are made out of foam.
They're not exactly bullet-proof.
They don't need to be.
They just have to look like they are.
No guns on this one.
That'd be armed robbery.
We don't have to go there.
I like the no guns thing.
Did Ricky agree to that?
No, we just have to go talk to him.
All right, let's suit up!
Ricky, I need to talk to you.
Come over, man! This is important!
We talked about this, okay?
I'm not doin' it. I'm with my family.
Don't be showin' up here,
trying to pressure me
to do stuff I don't wanna do.
Lahey tried to kill me.
Okay, this is an emergency.
Could you step outside for a minute?
Just what do you mean.
Lahey tried to fucking kill you?
Lahey demolished Success Auto Body.
My fucking trailer's destroyed.
What?
Yeah, Ricky. He almost killed him.
He's on the hard liquor. Hard.
Are you fucking serious?
Yes! You gotta help us out, man!
We have to do this
before Lahey kills one of us, okay?
The armoured van is perfect.
I spent a lot of time on that.
It looks real, Ricky.
Come on. I've got an uniform for you--
Julian, I failed my fucking grade 12.
Jail paper came today.
They said I failed
was what got wrote on it.
You listen to me.
Are you gonna let a little piece
of paper take you out?
Grade 12 is inside of you, man.
It's in your heart.
Just like it's inside of me,
just like it's inside of those 2.
Randy only has grade 6 on paper,
but grade 12 is inside of him, man!
Come on... You've been a fighter
for as long as I've known you, man.
Now shake this off. Get up! Come on.
So, you're in, Bubbles?
I'm in, Ricky.
I've got no choice. I'm in.
Do you know
what the fuck you're doin'?
I'm at the top of my game.
Come on, Ricky. Listen.
It's a fucking piece of paper.
Come on, please...
When do you ever care about paper?
I don't. I don't give a fuck
about paper. Fuck paper.
That's right, get mad.
Right!
Fuck books and fuck grade 12.
Even though we do... all have it in us.
Yeah, Ricky, come on!
Put it in. Let's do this.
I feel like doin' this.
Come on.
Fuck it. Let's fucking do it.
How long are we gonna be gone?
You're going to have a new RV
in 45 minutes.
I'm in.
Yeah!
Lucy. I'm gonna be back in 45 minutes.
Just gonna go for a little drive.
No big deal.
Where's my uniform?
No dicking around, Bubbles. In and out.
We gotta go. We gotta do this.
I know, Ricky. I know!
But I gotta do this.
they're cute.
Hi, Jenny, could I speak to you
in private?
We're very busy, and Jenny's got--
I really need to speak to her.
I can't have you barging--
I insist! I need to speak to her.
Bubbles? Hurry the fuck up,
and get the fuck out to the van!
One Robby Baker. "11-12".
You get the fuck in the van right now.
Time's gonna run out and you know it.
Ricky, relax for 2 seconds.
I'm not gonna fucking relax! I'm not!
Jenny, don't worry about that.
Listen, we're about to do something,
and it's a bit tense.
And there's a chance that I might not
come back if things fuck up.
Will you promise me if that happens...
you'll look after my kitties, please?
I promise.
You will?
Yeah.
Pinky swear?
Pinky swear.
You have to.
Thank you. Jenny. You're the best.
Should never have come. Get in.
Bubbles?
Fuck! How much time do you need?
Do you wanna go on a date
or something?
Me and you on a date?
Yeah. To the movies, or...
I'd love to go on a date with you.
Hurry the fuck up!
Ricky, I swear the fuck on Jezebel
I'll fucking corn-on-the cob you!
Bubbles, I'm sorry,
but it is fucking time!
I'm sorry, I don't know who you are,
he's late for his work.
I apologize.
He's being a real dick today.
I'm being a dick?
You're being a fucking dick.
Do you know what's
fucking at stake here?
Get the fuck in the van.
Ricky, you're...
Look at these things.
That's what they're saying
to us right now. Get in.
Hey...
I want everybody to stay cool,
and stay calm.
If you stay cool, no one will know
the difference. Here we go, boys.
Let's go.
My God, man! It's locked!
It's fucking locked.
Sorry, guys.
Here you go, guys.
All right... thank you.
Thanks.
Give me a hand, man.
Randy, come on.
We gotta get out of here.
You gotta go home.
For fuck's sakes!
You gotta get out of here right now!
You get out!
They're gonna rip you off, Randy!
They won't!
You wanna fucking fight?
Mr. Lahey, just go!
My, Jesus. Look over there.
Mr. Lahe...
Julian, come in.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
Guys, get the fuck out of here!
Are you crazy?
Mr. Lahey... Fuck!
Fuck, Lahey, you can't...
Guys, guys. It's just a drunk guy.
We know him.
He's in love with... our driver.
Fuck! What the fuck are you guys
doing here!
Just a documentary crew
doing a show about our work,
but you're not supposed
to follow us out here.
I told you to stay the fuck outside.
Stay back, guys.
Seriously, we got this.
Thank you for your response.
How dare you let Randy...
Things are getting fucky here,
get involved in your little shit fever.
Jim, you are out of line right now.
Do you want to see Randy go to jail?
That's why I'm here!
I don't wanna see Randy go to jail.
And I don't wanna see you go to jail
either, Julian, 'cause I love you.
I fucking love you too, Jim.
All right?
Let's talk about this back at the park.
What did you say?
Let's talk about this back--
Before that.
Yeah, the other thing.
What, I fucking love you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I knew it all along.
There's a lot of fucking rumours
going around the park
about you loving Randy,
you taking Randy--
What are you talking--
You just told him you love him!
I just did that to get him
the fuck out of here!
Okay. Let's get out of here, then.
Stay calm.
I heard that, Julian.
I heard that...
You didn't actually think
he loved you?
Hey, bud? Going up?
Julian!
I'm afraid, help me!
My fuck!
Julian! I'm gonna jump,
and it's all your fault!
Jim!
Keep calm!
What the fuck is wrong with you!
Why do you always gotta
follow us around,
and keep fucking us around like this!?
I'm sexy, aren't I?
I'm a lot more sexy than Randy,
and you know that.
Randy?
Julian said he loved me.
But he was lying, don't trust him.
He was lying, and I'm flying!
Boys, what are we gonna do?
He's gonna fucking jump!
He's not gonna jump, Jim!
I do love you, but just as a friend!
Not enough, Julian! Not enough.
Guys...
He's gonna jump.
Good luck, buddies.
Here's a little drinky-poo for you!
Have a good life, shit weasel!
Julian, if he jumps,
that's gonna be on your head.
He's not gonna jump.
He's looking for attention.
And we're millionaires now.
We don't go up, and fucking
save drunken lunatics--
Guys, guys! He's gonna jump!
I'm gonna go up, and talk to him.
Wait in the van for 4 minutes.
If I'm not back,
head back to Sunnyvale.
I'll meet you there.
Are you fucking kidding me?
You really are in love with him.
I'm not... fucking in love with him.
Get in the van. This is unbelievable.
I hope you're fucking happy about this.
Get the fuck in the van. In the van.
Jim!
Hi, Julian.
What are you doin'?
Randy told me.
He said that you and him were dating.
We're not dating.
He's just workin' for me.
So, you don't love him?
No!
Say you love me, Julian.
Just tell me one time
before I jump.
Lie to me.
I can't.
Is there ever a chance
that you could love me?
No.
Hurry the fuck up!
We've got 2 minutes!
The bottle's empty, Julian.
I'm flying out of here!
Wait!
Just one more drink...
out of my glass before you go.
Thanks, Julian.
My last drink.
I finally did it! I quit drinking!
Julian... Julian, you tricked me!
Holy shit!
Gimme that.
Listen, why didn't you let me jump?
Just shut the fuck up!
What are you talking about?
You love me, don't you!
We're doing a robbery right now.
You take this, you gotta stay calm.
Act normal.
No problem, Julian.
Act normal, right?
What is he doin'?
What the fuck, boys! Just go!
All right, put this on,
and get the fuck out of here.
Julian, I got something
in my underwear I want you to see.
What?
It's a contract.
You're gonna sign it
before you go anywhere.
Randy, get out here
and deal with this.
You promise?
No time for underwear contracts.
We need to leave.
Holy shit, guys... Good luck.
Money cops...
Stop right there!
Stay calm.
Don't worry, they're dumb.
They're gonna shoot.
No, they're not gonna shoot.
Stop!
Let's all relax, guys!
Okay, let's smoke a big joint.
I got some really nice hash right here.
A camera marker.
What the fuck are you doing?!
Go to your van!
We need cover over here! Help us!
Are you okay? It's just a fat wound.
Don't let me die, Ricky.
You're not gonna die.
Stay low.
Okay, okay...
Get him in the van! Hurry up!
Come on, Randy.
We gotta go! We gotta go!
Just drive normal, Julian. Don't do
anything to draw attention to us.
Come on, get us out of here.
I don't hear any cops.
Fuck, it's Lahey.
Pull over! I wanna take Randy
to the hospital!
It's just a fat wound!
Get the fuck out of here!
Randy, are you okay?
Come on!
Give it some gas!
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Ricky,
let me do this.
Ricky. I'm gonna be ruined.
You just get back in the car.
You don't have no idea.
If I don't get the fucking sewer
line in, I lose everything.
This is what has to happen right now.
because you're fucking everything up.
Go to a bar, have a couple of drinks.
leave us alone, please!
Ricky...
There. You can't have it signed now.
We're on now, bud.
I'm in charge of...
I'll be ahead of you.
Stay away from us.
You can't run far enough.
You can't run fast enough.
You guys are fucked.
I'm in charge now.
We're the fuck out of here.
Fuck off, leave us alone!
What the fuck are you doing?!
How you doin', Ricky!
I'm livin' the dream, bud!
Shit... I'm livin' the dream.
But first, I gotta take a little piss.
Get us out of his piss arc!
You wanna start a little piss war,
Lahey?
Go ahead, piss on us!
I'm going to piss on him, Julian.
Take the wheel.
What? Ricky!
Boys, the cops are behind us.
I'm not stoppin'. I'm not stopping.
Speed it up!
Pull up to him, Bubbles! Steady it!
Ricky, what the fuck are you doing?
Shit!
Fuck! Ricky!
I'm gonna work up
another fucking piss, Ricky!
You're in fucking shit.
Gimme that fucking bottle,
you son of a bitch!
Look what you've done!
Mr. Lahey. I'm not going to make it!
Take the money!
What the fuck?
See you in jail, boys!
Hey, camera dicks, look out!
Sorry, boys. I rolled her.
Cock!
All right, everybody
just fucking relax here, okay?
It's just a big misunderstanding,
there's a guy... Fuck off!
There's a guy in his underwear
that's fucking around peeing on people.
Easy!
Let go of my drink.
This is fucking too much.
You can't do this kind of shit
to regular people like us.
It's the guy in the underwear you want!
Not us!
Fucking Jesus...
We didn't even cause this, guys.
We didn't even cause this.
Okay, boys,
I'm arresting you for robbery,
resisting arrest,
public urination...
Who the fuck is that?
My fuck! It's you!
What are you talking about?
You're the fucking undercover
drunk male prostitute!
Grand larceny, public intoxication...
You are fucking drunk right now.
Will you stop it...
This guy's drunk.
He's reading us our rights
fucking drunk.
Reckless endangerment.
Who's drunk?
I want him checked.
Smell him!
Do the breath thing to him.
You know he's fucked up.
No. I'm not drunk.
Yes, you're drunk.
This is gonna be good for our fucking
hearing tomorrow.
I told you I'm not drunk!
Hey!
I had one lousy drink!
Yeah, buddy!
It's not our fault!
It's this documentary crew!
Look at this guy!
With the microphone in his hand!
Somebody arrest...
And this fucking camera dick,
right here!
You fucking guys caused this accident.
We didn't do shit! We didn't do shit!
What the fuck is this van right here?
You caused the fucking accident!
Told you not to come in the bank.
I don't know if you heard the news,
but we're getting out of here in
like 2 weeks, they fucked up:
the arresting officer was drunk,
which we can prove now.
And our lawyer said
we got a really really good chance.
So, I guess we'll see you guys
in 2 weeks.
But I recommend not following us
around if you know what I mean.
Yeah, guys, when we get out
in 2 weeks, could you...
please fuck off with the cameras.
Please?
Yes. I created a programme called
Cats For Inmates.
I contacted the jail outreach programme.
and we are able to bring in a bunch
of cats from the shelter
to come and play
with the people in jail.
And, yeah! It's been this huge success.
I hear, you know?
Apparently, there's been
a lot more cooperation
amongst the inmates.
and they're really enjoying
their time with the cats.
I know. I... I'm really happy about it.
Jenny's just a fantastic girl.
She said she's gonna wait for me
to get out of jail.
and she wants to go on a date.
So, I might. I don't know if she...
wants to be my girlfriend or not,
but... I'm thinking I'd like that.
It's healing up pretty good?
No one knows
what happened to Mr. Lahey.
My guess is he's probably
just off hiding in the woods somewhere.
What's liquor without the love?
A glass of shit.
Can I get another drink here, please?
Today, on MTV News,
major developments
in the Canadian rap scene.
How did a completely unknown MC
go from playing video dances
for $30 a night
to 5 sold-out shows at Massey Hall,
and a major label bidding war
on his back catalogue
of 14 previously unreleased albums?
With 16 years of determination,
and never giving up on his dream.
No matter how tough it got,
J-Roc never dropped the mic.
I met up with him in Toronto
on the release of his new single.
Can't Not Be Feeling This.
So congratulations on all your success,
this is very big news for you.
It is big, dog.
What's your name again?
Aliya-Jasmine.
Aliya-Jasmine.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Thank you. Aliya-Jasmills.
You know, there's a lot of label buzz
about you, right now.
The industry's talking about you.
Hum, but I understand
it's also bittersweet for you.
Let me get something straight, dog.
Straighter than them big,
long getaway sticks.
I wanna be very clear
about one thing, dog.
My new record's called
Get My DJ Out Of Jail.
And that ain't exploitin',
know what I'm saying?
Because he is in jail right now,
you know what I'm sayin'?
That's just the reality of my troops.
What exactly happened to you DJ?
I don't wanna give away the specifics.
Suffice to say, dog,
he did some robberization.
And some B&Es. Yeah!
He ain't gone away forever, dog.
And he did it for a good reason.
Which I won't... I'm not at...
legal liberty to say
what exactly he was doin' up in there,
but he's gonna be out soon.
And when he's out, he's gonna taste
the champagnes with me.
T, this is for you and me, dog.
If you're watching from up in there,
pound it, know what I'm saying?
Hands up, let's go!
Put your hands up!
Oh, yeah! Yeah!
Hands up, 3rd floor!
Put your hands up, yo!
Can't not be feeling this
J-Roc's got the quickness
Can't not be feeling this
Like a shorty with the thickness
We've been over this
and over this
'Cause you can't not
be feeling this
J-Roc's got the quickness
Like a shorty
with the thickness
We've been over this
and over this
'Cause you can't not
be feeling this
Hey yo can I get a witness
One of you all to testify
Who the dopest MC is
You want a hint
You might want to consider this
Played out all your ladies
And I'm still harder than calculus
I'll tell you this
While I flow like the Flowbee
Shorties in the club
Pushing up like they know me
They don't be they just wish
They got R-O-C
on the Christmas list
SPL bliss bein' this MC
And like Tarzan
I'm swingin' from shorty to shorty
So go ahead boy
Suck you teeth
If you'll excuse me ladies
This way please
You can't not
be feeling this
I said you can't not
be feeling this
J-Roc's got the quickness
Like a shorty
with the thickness
We've been over this and over this
A lot of ladies out tonight
Everywhere I look
My mind blowing at the sight
Like some hot air Chinook
See what they're wearin'
This one her name is Sharon
She says I feel like sharin' my friend
Whose name is Sharon
I'm like when and where
And unhookin' their apparel
And starin' right down the barrel
Just darin' them to pair up
Loudest joints are blarin'
Every motherfucker's starin'
They're barin' underwear
And I'm just tryin' to keep my bearings
Then the 3 of us slip out
When the time is right
There's a lot of ladies out tonight
Say it with me!
Lot of ladies out tonight
Lot of ladies out tonight
Yo J-Roc's got the quickness
Like a shorty
with the thickness
We've been over this
and over this
Hey you down
with double negatives
Lot of ladies out tonight
Show them hands!
Lot of ladies out tonight
Show them hands!
Come on, y'all sluts.
Massey Hall hands up!
J-Roc's got the quickness
Like a shorty
with the thickness
We've been over this
and over this
Hey you down
with double negatives
J-Roc's got the quickness
Like a shorty
with the thickness
We've been over this
and over this
Hey what'd y'all get
for Christmas
Blam, blam yo!
Peace out. Massey Hall.
you know what I'm sayin'?
Seriousness!
Yo!
One love, stay in school, kids.
Peace!
Well I'm howling for my baby
Standing in the rain
Yes I'm howling for my baby
People ain't this a shame
Well she left a note
Hanging on the door
Said I don't wanna see you anymore
And the rain fell down on my head
Said open the door babe
And let me in
I said open the door babe
Don't make me knock down the door