Trick 'r Treat (2007) Movie Script
NARRATOR:
During the spookiest time of the year...
there are a few guidelines
all ghosts and goblins should follow.
Always stay on sidewalks.
Never go to a stranger's house,
and never go out alone.
[TIRES SCREECH]
[MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO]
EMMA:
This is a great idea, honey. Really.
It's just magical.
It makes me wish every night
was Halloween.
HENRY: I'm sorry, Em.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
-Wait, wait. Not yet.
EMMA: What?
HENRY: You're supposed to keep it lit.
-Why?
Ancient tradition?
Henry, it's Halloween, not Hanukkah.
-Baby, I'm lit and you're lit.
-But honey--
But our little friend here?
His night's over.
HENRY:
You know, you should be more careful.
There are rules.
You might upset someone.
EMMA:
Oh, please. Who?
What?
Inside. Upstairs.
Let's just take all this crap down.
It looks like a crime scene.
-I told you I'd do it in the morning.
-No, you won't.
You're gonna sleep until noon
and then play video games until 4.
And besides, my mom is coming and
she'll have an aneurysm if she sees this.
Really?
I'll do it.
Go inside. Put on the tape.
I hate Halloween.
[GASPS]
[CAR HORN HONKS]
MAN:
What took you guys so long?
[MUSIC PLAYS ON CAR STEREO]
Happy Halloween.
[SCREAMING]
[WOMAN YELLING ON TV]
WOMAN [ON TV] :
Yeah! Oh, baby!
[SCREECHING]
EMMA:
Henry!
Emma?
[YELLING]
[CHATTERING]
[INSTRUMENTS PLAYING]
WOMAN: Werewolves, zombies
and demons of every variety.
They've all descended...
on the normally sleepy town
of Warren Valley, Ohio...
where the holiday
and all of its strange traditions...
are taken very seriously.
It's only 8:00 and the streets are already
packed with costumed visitors...
some to show off, others to blend in...
but all to celebrate the magical night
of Halloween...
the one night a year when we can pretend
to be the scariest thing we can think of.
WOMAN 1:
I am not wearing this. It's too small.
-My tits keep popping out.
WOMAN 2: That's the idea.
WOMAN 1: Don't know why we drove here
when there are guys in the city.
WOMAN 2:
Fresh meat.
WOMAN 3:
It's what we do every Halloween, Laurie.
WOMAN 1:
Whatever happened to trick-or-treating?
WOMAN 3: Puberty.
WOMAN 4: Last year we were in Tampa.
WOMAN 3:
And went as sexy nurses.
WOMAN 2: No, Janet, Tampa was 2 years ago.
I remember because you puked...
doing a guy in his pickup.
WOMAN 4: I ate some bad Mexican,
and it was a Jeep.
WOMAN 2: Last year was San Diego. We
dressed as sailors and ended up with sailors.
WOMAN 4:
Yeah, and Maria's sailor was a girl.
WOMAN 3: So what? She had a nice ass.
It all tastes the same to me anyway.
Ladies, there are children out here.
[WOMEN LAUGH]
WOMAN 2: Okay, all of you come out
on the count of 3. One, 2, 3.
-Nice.
-Right.
-Laurie, come on out.
WOMAN 1: No.
-Open up.
WOMAN 1: No.
Open the door,
or we'll huff and we'll puff....
Come on, seriously, open up.
WOMAN 1:
Fine, just don't laugh, okay?
Danielle, I look like I'm 5.
Shut up, you look great.
[JANET AND MARIA SNICKER]
-It's tradition.
LAURIE: Great.
-What does tradition say we do now?
-We meet our dates.
[BEEPS]
233, 30-D.
I mean, $234.33.
Thanks.
You know, this might sound kind of
forward, but well, we're just in town...
for a party tonight, and I was wondering
what time you get off work.
Oh. Uh....
In about 20 minutes, actually.
Yeah? You know
where Sheep's Meadow is?
Sure, yeah, of course.
All right. So why don't you
meet me there in 45?
Okay, I guess.
Don't forget your costume.
That can't be good
for your diabetes, Charlie.
Uh....
Don't waste a good lie on this.
It's just candy.
Guess it's a good thing I got more.
Why don't you sit down,
stay for a minute?
-Oh, I can't. I have--
-Sit down, Charlie.
Your problem is simple.
You always wait for them to come to you.
If you just tried a little harder,
you wouldn't be a virgin at 22.
What? Excuse me?
It's practically stapled to your forehead.
Laurie, please,
do not listen to them, okay?
The key thing is to just be yourself.
Being myself hasn't gotten me very far.
Maybe I'm too old-fashioned, but I've
always wanted my first time to be--
-No, please, don't say it.
-Special.
Honey, listen, we've all been there,
but you can't hesitate.
Watch.
That's some big equipment
you've got there.
-Thank you.
-I'm Maria. This is Janet.
-And we have a small problem.
-Really?
We've got this great party to go to....
But we don't have any dates.
Here. Help yourself.
It's for the pumpkin, not you. Promise.
All of mine were dull.
Smashing jack-o'-lanterns?
Stealing candy?
It's okay. Believe it or not,
I was just like you when I was a kid.
Till my dad set me straight, that is.
See, my dad taught me
tonight is about respecting the dead...
because this is the one night
that the dead...
and all sorts of other things roam free
and pay us a visit.
Sorry.
All these traditions...
jack-o'-lanterns, putting on costumes,
handing out treats...
they were started to protect us,
but nowadays...
no one really cares.
Yeah.
[CHARLIE COUGHING]
I didn't do such a good job, did I?
What do you think?
Hey.
You okay?
You need a root beer?
Oh, wait.
That's right. There's another tradition.
A very important one.
Always check your candy.
Trick or--
[GROANING]
[GURGLES]
Ugh!
[KNOCKING]
CHILDREN:
Trick or treat!
CHIP: We know you're in there.
SARA: We can see you.
[RINGING DOORBELL]
MACY: Hello!
STEVEN: Just a minute!
[SCREAMING]
Wait. No, no. Shh!
[LAUGHING]
Great costume, Mr. Wilkins.
Oy. Uh....
Oh, right, candy.
Thanks.
Principal Wilkins, do you think we might
be able to have your jack-o'-lantern, please?
-You're not gonna smash it, are you?
-No, it's a scavenger hunt for UNICEF.
Anything for a good cause.
Happy Halloween.
Yeah. Happy Halloween.
Didn't you get one?
[CAT SCREECHING]
Are you sure about this?
There's gotta be 1 or 2
extra guys there.
-I could help you.
-Go. I'll meet you there.
Call me if you get into trouble.
You're turning into Mom.
Ouch.
-Just remember to be yourself.
-But play hard to get.
Goodbye, Danielle!
[HUMMING]
Happy Halloween.
Daddy!
I'm back from trick-or-treating!
[WHISPERS]
Billy. Shh.
-Please, be quiet.
-Why?
Because you'll bother the neighbors.
Now go watch Charlie Brown
and I'll be in in a minute.
-Charlie Brown's an asshole!
-Billy Wilkins. Language.
Shh, shh, shh.
Wait, hold on.
Come on. There you....
Huh? Mm.
Yeah.
Here you go. Go get it! Shit.
[DOOR OPENS]
KREEG:
Spite!
Spite! Get your ass in here.
Are you finished crapping or what?
[YELLS]
Who the hell is that?
[GRUNTS]
I got an NRA membership in my pocket...
and a shotgun over the fireplace,
so get out--
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
It's me, Mr. Kreeg.
Steven. Steven Wilkins.
What in God's name are you doing
down there, Wilkins? Hiding bodies?
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
What did you say?
[GRUNTS]
Nothing.
The septic tank is acting up.
-Is that what that smell is?
-I'm afraid so.
KREEG: Then fix it!
It stinks like a dead whore out here.
I'm...
trying.
KREEG:
Keep your kid out of my yard!
Goddamn freak.
-Happy Halloween.
KREEG: Screw you!
[YELLS]
BILLY: Daddy!
I wanna carve the jack-o'-lantern now,
but I need your help with the eyes.
In a minute, Billy.
And can I go to the parade
with you later?
No, Daddy has a date.
Oh! But we haven't done anything
fun together.
How about if we make some
caramel apples, just like Grandpa used to?
-How about that?
-When?
After we carve the jack-o'-lantern,
but you have to be quiet.
Okay.
But don't forget to help me
with the eyes!
"Daddy, I wanna carve a pumpkin."
"Daddy, I wanna go to the parade."
"Daddy, I wish Mommy was still alive."
KREEG [MUFFLED] :
Wilkins! Wilkins, over here! Wilkins!
Help me, goddamn it!
Help me!
-Help me!
-Screw you.
Billy!
[SCREAMS]
BILLY:
Gotcha.
So can we carve it now?
[WOMAN SCREAMING ON TV]
Yeah.
Let's go downstairs.
Let's carve a scary face this time.
A scary face it is.
Wrap it around.
But don't forget to help me
with the eyes.
Trick or treat!
[LAUGHS]
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO]
Aren't you guys adorable?
Thanks, Mrs. Henderson.
That's a great costume.
I know. Isn't it just "purr-fect"?
You want a drink or something?
It'll be our little secret.
-Sure.
-No, thanks. But....
All right, fine. I'll see what I got for you.
Actually, Mrs. Henderson,
we were wondering if you might--
[LAUGHING AND GROANING]
-If you might...
-Holy shit.
have a jack-o'-lantern we could borrow.
Here you go.
Now, be safe...
and watch out for monsters.
I don't even know what that was.
Coach Taylor was in a hot-dog costume
butt-fucking a pig.
-I think. And then--
-Chip. Let's just not.
SCHRADER: Trick or treat.
-What'd you find?
That's it?
Sorry, but some asshole went
down the street smashing all of them.
But we have 3. Isn't this enough?
Almost.
SCHRADER:
Macy, why didn't we just start here?
MACY:
I didn't know she'd do this.
[DOOR OPENS]
This is weird.
Is that Rhonda the retard?
MACY:
She's not a retard, she's an idiot savant.
SARA:
Here she comes.
MACY:
You're on, Schrader.
Did you carve all these yourself?
Yeah. Made my costume too.
Like it?
I do.
I'm Schrader.
Rhonda.
[DRUMS POUNDING]
[CHATTERING]
[MOANING]
ALLIE:
Let's get another drink.
[ALLIE SCREAMING]
EMMA:
Henry.
-I need help.
-She's just drunk, baby. Come on.
[ALLIE SCREAMS]
You must really like Halloween.
-You mean Samhain?
-What?
Samhain, also known as All Hallows' Eve,
also known as Halloween.
Pre-dating Christianity,
the Celtic holiday...
was celebrated on the one
night between autumn and winter...
when the barrier between living
and dead was thinnest...
and often involved rituals
that included human sacrifice.
I like your eye patch.
Oh.
Great, a rock quarry.
Nice way to celebrate Halloween, Macy.
SARA: Why are we here?
-To pay our respects to the dead.
What happened? Did somebody die here?
Wait.
Is this where--?
-It is, isn't it? This is where that school--
-Shut up, Sara.
The Halloween School Bus Massacre.
-Just don't call it that.
-What's she talking about?
It's this awesome town legend.
There was this bus--
Jesus, will you shut up
and let me tell the damn story?
You said a bad word.
[SIGHS]
It happened 30 years ago...
on a late Halloween afternoon.
A school bus was on its usual route.
But this wasn't your typical school bus...
and they weren't your typical kids.
There were 8 of them...
and they were different.
Troubled.
Disturbed.
Every day, parents put their dirty secrets
on this bus...
to be driven to a school
miles outside of town.
BOY: 3260.
But that day...
the driver took a different route.
Wrong way.
Wrong way.
Wrong way.
And instead of
taking the students home...
he drove the bus
to an abandoned rock quarry.
This rock quarry.
The kids didn't know that over the years,
their parents had become exhausted...
embarrassed.
And they were willing to do anything
to ease their burden.
So one day, the parents approached
the bus driver and made him an offer.
Shh.
With the money they collected together,
they asked him to do the unthinkable.
It almost worked perfectly.
BOY: Wrong way.
Wrong way.
Home. Home.
I wanna go home.
I wanna go home.
Home.
[ENGINE REVS]
Home. Home.
Home! Go home!
Home.
The driver was never heard from again.
[GASPING]
As for the bus, some say
it sank so deep that it couldn't be found.
Others say the town
just didn't want it to be found.
For all we know, it's still down there...
and so are those kids.
You are so full of shit.
Really?
Then I guess
you won't mind being first.
First what?
8 victims, 8 jack-o'-lanterns...
each one representing a lost soul.
So we're going to leave them
by the side of the lake...
as an offering to those who died.
Oh.
Is that one of yours?
Yes.
It's very pretty.
Thank you.
It can only hold 3 safely.
I'll send the keys back up.
You guys bring the rest.
Uh.... Okay.
EMMA: I can't do this.
If you put me in a box...
[PHONE RINGING]
it makes me feel like
you're not proud of me.
If you're not proud of me....
-Hello?
-Who's your favorite big sister?
You there?
Yeah. Hi.
So there's a guy here
who really wants to meet you.
Is he young? Cute?
[G TOM MAC'S CRY LITTLE SISTER
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
Uh.... Yeah.
Yeah, no, you could say that.
He's really, really nice.
So he's hideous.
Just get your ass over here.
Beggars can't be choosers.
Nice.
Great.
Not now, Andrew.
-Josh.
-Whatever.
[HOWLING]
Werewolves.
Very funny.
SARA: That bus is around here somewhere.
I think it's over here.
SCHRADER: Over where? I can't see shit
in this fog. Think I found a dead retard.
SARA: That's me, asshole.
SCHRADER: Like I said.
MACY:
Both of you shut up and keep looking.
SCHRADER:
There's something moving by that rock.
MACY: I can't see.
SARA: Jesus, what is that?
[SARA SCREAMS]
Help me!
MACY: Sara! Where's Sara?
SARA: Run!
SCHRADER: There's nowhere to go.
CHIP: Up! I wanna go back up!
[CHIP WHIMPERING]
Macy? Schrader? Sara?
Aren't you coming? Okay, stay here.
Don't let the candles go out
and they'll protect you, okay?
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMS]
[THUDS]
SCHRADER: Oh, shit.
SARA: Is she dead?
Hey.
[SCREAMS]
[GRUNTS]
SCHRADER: Rhonda.
Rhonda.
It was all going so well.
-You're all dead!
-Rhonda, calm down.
It was all just a trick.
Look, none of this is real.
It was just a trick.
-A bad joke.
-I'd say it was a pretty good one.
Shut up.
[RHONDA WHIMPERING]
Here, let me see.
Does it hurt?
-Go pack everything up. We're leaving.
-Says who?
Macy, she's scared out of her mind.
What else do you want?
Let's go.
CHIP:
This one's still lit.
If this was all a trick,
then how did the school bus get here?
MACY: That part's true.
-What happened to the bus driver?
I don't know, Chip.
[CHILDREN WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
-What?
-I didn't say anything.
-I'm not in the mood.
-It wasn't me.
SARA:
What is that?
[CHIP, SARA & MACY SCREAMING]
MACY: Schrader!
-Not again.
MACY: Over here!
-Wait here.
SARA:
Help us!
MACY:
Schrader!
-Schrader!
-What the hell?
We have to go.
We have to get out of here.
-Calm down.
-We have to go!
-Look, Macy--
-Listen to me!
We heard voices.
There are other people here.
[RUSTLING]
[CHILDREN CONTINUE
WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
What is that?
Help me! Help me!
[SCREAMING]
No. Run.
Rhonda, open the gate.
-Let us in, please!
-Open the gate!
Open the gate, please.
Come on.
Open the gate.
-No! Rhonda, look at me.
-What are you doing?
It's not a trick, it's real.
Come back!
CHIP: Where is she going?
SCHRADER: Rhonda!
CHIP: No, no!
-It's not a trick!
[MACY, CHIP & SCHRADER
SCREAMING]
CHIP: Help me, please!
[RUSTLING]
I'm not in the mood,
so just come on out.
[SCREAMS]
WOMAN:
Oh, my God. She's so funny.
No, thanks.
She's a big girl.
She can take care of herself.
I wish that were true.
Mom always said
she was the runt of the litter.
[GROWLS]
My, my...
what big eyes you have.
[SCREAMS]
So where's this guy
you're setting her up with?
The nice one?
[SCREAMS]
Laurie.
Oh, my God.
Please, help me.
WOMAN: There she is.
DANIELLE:
Laurie, what's going on?
You're late.
Sorry. It took longer than I thought.
What did he do to you?
I listened to their advice
and played hard to get. He bit me.
Well, at least you made it. Drink?
Sure.
Come here.
-Please.
-Say "ah."
Not bad.
What's your name, honey?
Steven.
-Steven?
-Steven Wilkins.
I'm glad you're her first, I really am.
I like you.
Who are you people?
[SCREAMS]
I'm nervous.
Hey.
You're gonna be fine.
Just be yourself.
[MARILYN MANSON'S SWEET DREAMS (ARE
MADE OF THESE) PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
It's my first time...
so just bear with me.
What are you doing?
[STEVEN SCREAMS]
My, my...
what big eyes you have.
[HOWLING]
[LOCKS CLICKING]
Trick or treat.
[GROWLING]
[SCREAMING]
MAN 1 [ON TV] :
You push it in, you slide the food in.
It pops right out, okay?
I'm gonna take this device.
I've done it 3 times already, inside.
I'm gonna show the folks
how to put it on the spit rod.
It's so darn easy.
I take the meat, and all I'm gonna do
is just center it like this.
It goes down.
I'll put the wheel on.
It's as simple as this.
This is about a 7-pound
pork loin roast.
I'll put it in the machine, I'll slide it back,
put up the window.
- You set it, and...?
AUDIENCE: Forget it!
MAN 1: Right. I'm gonna go over
to the pork loin roast over here now...
and I'm gonna take this one out.
This has been done--
WOMAN: It's only 8:00, and the streets
are packed with visitors...
some to show off, others to blend in...
but all to celebrate the magical night
of Halloween.
[SCREAMING ON TV]
MAN 2: --baked goods and crops
were left out as offerings for the dead...
a custom now known
as trick-or-treating.
Christ.
MAN 1:
Revolutionary. Now look.
Let me just start cutting this over here
so that folks can see.
This beautiful? Look at this
over here, folks, huh?
[SPITE BARKING]
Look how beautiful that pork looks
with all its injected flavors on the--
[GATE CREAKING]
[LAUGHING]
[FOOTSTEPS PATTERING]
[SPITE BARKING]
Happy Halloween.
Spite?
Spite.
[SPITE GROWLING AND CHEWING]
Spite. Get your ass in here.
Are you finished crapping or what?
[BOY GRUNTS]
Who the hell is that?
I've got an NRA membership
in my pocket...
and a shotgun over the fireplace,
so get out of here before I--
STEVEN: It's me, Mr. Kreeg.
Steven. Steven Wilkins.
KREEG: What in God's name are you doing
down there, Wilkins? Hiding bodies?
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
-What did you say?
STEVEN: Nothing.
The septic tank is acting up.
Well, fix it!
It stinks like a dead whore out here.
STEVEN: I'm trying.
KREEG:
Keep your kid out of my yard!
Goddamn freak.
STEVEN: Happy Halloween.
Screw you!
Get the hell off my...!
[YELLS]
[SPITE BARKING]
[DOG DOOR SQUEAKING]
[SPITE WHIMPERS]
Well, zip-a-dee-doo-dah.
Spite?
[WHISTLES]
[SPITE WHIMPERS, THEN SQUEAKS]
Spite?
[SCREAMS]
Who the hell are you?
[GASPS]
[YELLS]
[GLASS CRACKING]
[SCREAMING]
[SAM LAUGHING]
[BOTH SCREAM]
[GRUNTING]
Wilkins! Wilkins!
Over here! Wilkins!
Wilkins, help me, goddamn it!
Help me! Wilkins!
Help me!
[SCREAMING]
[SAM SCREAMS]
Huh?
[COCKS GUN]
[LINE RINGS]
WOMAN: 911, please hold.
-Hello? Hello?
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS
OVER PHONE]
911, what is your emergency?
Yeah, I'd like to report--
Hello? Hello? Hello?
[SCREAMING]
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Oh, no.
[GROANING]
[CRACKING]
[SCREAMING]
[KNOCKING]
[LOCKS CLICKING]
Trick or treat.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks, Mr. Kreeg.
Great mummy costume.
Thank you.
[TIRES SCREECH]
[LAUGHING]
EMMA:
This was a great idea, honey.
It's just magical. It makes me wish
every night was Halloween.
I'm sorry, Em. Wait, wait. Not yet.
-What?
-You're supposed to keep it lit.
-Why?
-Ancient tradition?
Henry, it's Halloween, not Hanukkah.
Baby, I'm lit, and you're lit.
But your little friend here?
His night's over.
HENRY:
You know, you should be more careful.
There are rules. You might upset someone.
EMMA: Oh, please. Who?
[KNOCKING]
CHILD [WHISPERS] :
Over here.
[CHILDREN WHISPERING
INDISTINCTLY]
BOY: Trick or treat.
During the spookiest time of the year...
there are a few guidelines
all ghosts and goblins should follow.
Always stay on sidewalks.
Never go to a stranger's house,
and never go out alone.
[TIRES SCREECH]
[MUSIC PLAYING ON CAR STEREO]
EMMA:
This is a great idea, honey. Really.
It's just magical.
It makes me wish every night
was Halloween.
HENRY: I'm sorry, Em.
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
-Wait, wait. Not yet.
EMMA: What?
HENRY: You're supposed to keep it lit.
-Why?
Ancient tradition?
Henry, it's Halloween, not Hanukkah.
-Baby, I'm lit and you're lit.
-But honey--
But our little friend here?
His night's over.
HENRY:
You know, you should be more careful.
There are rules.
You might upset someone.
EMMA:
Oh, please. Who?
What?
Inside. Upstairs.
Let's just take all this crap down.
It looks like a crime scene.
-I told you I'd do it in the morning.
-No, you won't.
You're gonna sleep until noon
and then play video games until 4.
And besides, my mom is coming and
she'll have an aneurysm if she sees this.
Really?
I'll do it.
Go inside. Put on the tape.
I hate Halloween.
[GASPS]
[CAR HORN HONKS]
MAN:
What took you guys so long?
[MUSIC PLAYS ON CAR STEREO]
Happy Halloween.
[SCREAMING]
[WOMAN YELLING ON TV]
WOMAN [ON TV] :
Yeah! Oh, baby!
[SCREECHING]
EMMA:
Henry!
Emma?
[YELLING]
[CHATTERING]
[INSTRUMENTS PLAYING]
WOMAN: Werewolves, zombies
and demons of every variety.
They've all descended...
on the normally sleepy town
of Warren Valley, Ohio...
where the holiday
and all of its strange traditions...
are taken very seriously.
It's only 8:00 and the streets are already
packed with costumed visitors...
some to show off, others to blend in...
but all to celebrate the magical night
of Halloween...
the one night a year when we can pretend
to be the scariest thing we can think of.
WOMAN 1:
I am not wearing this. It's too small.
-My tits keep popping out.
WOMAN 2: That's the idea.
WOMAN 1: Don't know why we drove here
when there are guys in the city.
WOMAN 2:
Fresh meat.
WOMAN 3:
It's what we do every Halloween, Laurie.
WOMAN 1:
Whatever happened to trick-or-treating?
WOMAN 3: Puberty.
WOMAN 4: Last year we were in Tampa.
WOMAN 3:
And went as sexy nurses.
WOMAN 2: No, Janet, Tampa was 2 years ago.
I remember because you puked...
doing a guy in his pickup.
WOMAN 4: I ate some bad Mexican,
and it was a Jeep.
WOMAN 2: Last year was San Diego. We
dressed as sailors and ended up with sailors.
WOMAN 4:
Yeah, and Maria's sailor was a girl.
WOMAN 3: So what? She had a nice ass.
It all tastes the same to me anyway.
Ladies, there are children out here.
[WOMEN LAUGH]
WOMAN 2: Okay, all of you come out
on the count of 3. One, 2, 3.
-Nice.
-Right.
-Laurie, come on out.
WOMAN 1: No.
-Open up.
WOMAN 1: No.
Open the door,
or we'll huff and we'll puff....
Come on, seriously, open up.
WOMAN 1:
Fine, just don't laugh, okay?
Danielle, I look like I'm 5.
Shut up, you look great.
[JANET AND MARIA SNICKER]
-It's tradition.
LAURIE: Great.
-What does tradition say we do now?
-We meet our dates.
[BEEPS]
233, 30-D.
I mean, $234.33.
Thanks.
You know, this might sound kind of
forward, but well, we're just in town...
for a party tonight, and I was wondering
what time you get off work.
Oh. Uh....
In about 20 minutes, actually.
Yeah? You know
where Sheep's Meadow is?
Sure, yeah, of course.
All right. So why don't you
meet me there in 45?
Okay, I guess.
Don't forget your costume.
That can't be good
for your diabetes, Charlie.
Uh....
Don't waste a good lie on this.
It's just candy.
Guess it's a good thing I got more.
Why don't you sit down,
stay for a minute?
-Oh, I can't. I have--
-Sit down, Charlie.
Your problem is simple.
You always wait for them to come to you.
If you just tried a little harder,
you wouldn't be a virgin at 22.
What? Excuse me?
It's practically stapled to your forehead.
Laurie, please,
do not listen to them, okay?
The key thing is to just be yourself.
Being myself hasn't gotten me very far.
Maybe I'm too old-fashioned, but I've
always wanted my first time to be--
-No, please, don't say it.
-Special.
Honey, listen, we've all been there,
but you can't hesitate.
Watch.
That's some big equipment
you've got there.
-Thank you.
-I'm Maria. This is Janet.
-And we have a small problem.
-Really?
We've got this great party to go to....
But we don't have any dates.
Here. Help yourself.
It's for the pumpkin, not you. Promise.
All of mine were dull.
Smashing jack-o'-lanterns?
Stealing candy?
It's okay. Believe it or not,
I was just like you when I was a kid.
Till my dad set me straight, that is.
See, my dad taught me
tonight is about respecting the dead...
because this is the one night
that the dead...
and all sorts of other things roam free
and pay us a visit.
Sorry.
All these traditions...
jack-o'-lanterns, putting on costumes,
handing out treats...
they were started to protect us,
but nowadays...
no one really cares.
Yeah.
[CHARLIE COUGHING]
I didn't do such a good job, did I?
What do you think?
Hey.
You okay?
You need a root beer?
Oh, wait.
That's right. There's another tradition.
A very important one.
Always check your candy.
Trick or--
[GROANING]
[GURGLES]
Ugh!
[KNOCKING]
CHILDREN:
Trick or treat!
CHIP: We know you're in there.
SARA: We can see you.
[RINGING DOORBELL]
MACY: Hello!
STEVEN: Just a minute!
[SCREAMING]
Wait. No, no. Shh!
[LAUGHING]
Great costume, Mr. Wilkins.
Oy. Uh....
Oh, right, candy.
Thanks.
Principal Wilkins, do you think we might
be able to have your jack-o'-lantern, please?
-You're not gonna smash it, are you?
-No, it's a scavenger hunt for UNICEF.
Anything for a good cause.
Happy Halloween.
Yeah. Happy Halloween.
Didn't you get one?
[CAT SCREECHING]
Are you sure about this?
There's gotta be 1 or 2
extra guys there.
-I could help you.
-Go. I'll meet you there.
Call me if you get into trouble.
You're turning into Mom.
Ouch.
-Just remember to be yourself.
-But play hard to get.
Goodbye, Danielle!
[HUMMING]
Happy Halloween.
Daddy!
I'm back from trick-or-treating!
[WHISPERS]
Billy. Shh.
-Please, be quiet.
-Why?
Because you'll bother the neighbors.
Now go watch Charlie Brown
and I'll be in in a minute.
-Charlie Brown's an asshole!
-Billy Wilkins. Language.
Shh, shh, shh.
Wait, hold on.
Come on. There you....
Huh? Mm.
Yeah.
Here you go. Go get it! Shit.
[DOOR OPENS]
KREEG:
Spite!
Spite! Get your ass in here.
Are you finished crapping or what?
[YELLS]
Who the hell is that?
[GRUNTS]
I got an NRA membership in my pocket...
and a shotgun over the fireplace,
so get out--
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
It's me, Mr. Kreeg.
Steven. Steven Wilkins.
What in God's name are you doing
down there, Wilkins? Hiding bodies?
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
What did you say?
[GRUNTS]
Nothing.
The septic tank is acting up.
-Is that what that smell is?
-I'm afraid so.
KREEG: Then fix it!
It stinks like a dead whore out here.
I'm...
trying.
KREEG:
Keep your kid out of my yard!
Goddamn freak.
-Happy Halloween.
KREEG: Screw you!
[YELLS]
BILLY: Daddy!
I wanna carve the jack-o'-lantern now,
but I need your help with the eyes.
In a minute, Billy.
And can I go to the parade
with you later?
No, Daddy has a date.
Oh! But we haven't done anything
fun together.
How about if we make some
caramel apples, just like Grandpa used to?
-How about that?
-When?
After we carve the jack-o'-lantern,
but you have to be quiet.
Okay.
But don't forget to help me
with the eyes!
"Daddy, I wanna carve a pumpkin."
"Daddy, I wanna go to the parade."
"Daddy, I wish Mommy was still alive."
KREEG [MUFFLED] :
Wilkins! Wilkins, over here! Wilkins!
Help me, goddamn it!
Help me!
-Help me!
-Screw you.
Billy!
[SCREAMS]
BILLY:
Gotcha.
So can we carve it now?
[WOMAN SCREAMING ON TV]
Yeah.
Let's go downstairs.
Let's carve a scary face this time.
A scary face it is.
Wrap it around.
But don't forget to help me
with the eyes.
Trick or treat!
[LAUGHS]
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO]
Aren't you guys adorable?
Thanks, Mrs. Henderson.
That's a great costume.
I know. Isn't it just "purr-fect"?
You want a drink or something?
It'll be our little secret.
-Sure.
-No, thanks. But....
All right, fine. I'll see what I got for you.
Actually, Mrs. Henderson,
we were wondering if you might--
[LAUGHING AND GROANING]
-If you might...
-Holy shit.
have a jack-o'-lantern we could borrow.
Here you go.
Now, be safe...
and watch out for monsters.
I don't even know what that was.
Coach Taylor was in a hot-dog costume
butt-fucking a pig.
-I think. And then--
-Chip. Let's just not.
SCHRADER: Trick or treat.
-What'd you find?
That's it?
Sorry, but some asshole went
down the street smashing all of them.
But we have 3. Isn't this enough?
Almost.
SCHRADER:
Macy, why didn't we just start here?
MACY:
I didn't know she'd do this.
[DOOR OPENS]
This is weird.
Is that Rhonda the retard?
MACY:
She's not a retard, she's an idiot savant.
SARA:
Here she comes.
MACY:
You're on, Schrader.
Did you carve all these yourself?
Yeah. Made my costume too.
Like it?
I do.
I'm Schrader.
Rhonda.
[DRUMS POUNDING]
[CHATTERING]
[MOANING]
ALLIE:
Let's get another drink.
[ALLIE SCREAMING]
EMMA:
Henry.
-I need help.
-She's just drunk, baby. Come on.
[ALLIE SCREAMS]
You must really like Halloween.
-You mean Samhain?
-What?
Samhain, also known as All Hallows' Eve,
also known as Halloween.
Pre-dating Christianity,
the Celtic holiday...
was celebrated on the one
night between autumn and winter...
when the barrier between living
and dead was thinnest...
and often involved rituals
that included human sacrifice.
I like your eye patch.
Oh.
Great, a rock quarry.
Nice way to celebrate Halloween, Macy.
SARA: Why are we here?
-To pay our respects to the dead.
What happened? Did somebody die here?
Wait.
Is this where--?
-It is, isn't it? This is where that school--
-Shut up, Sara.
The Halloween School Bus Massacre.
-Just don't call it that.
-What's she talking about?
It's this awesome town legend.
There was this bus--
Jesus, will you shut up
and let me tell the damn story?
You said a bad word.
[SIGHS]
It happened 30 years ago...
on a late Halloween afternoon.
A school bus was on its usual route.
But this wasn't your typical school bus...
and they weren't your typical kids.
There were 8 of them...
and they were different.
Troubled.
Disturbed.
Every day, parents put their dirty secrets
on this bus...
to be driven to a school
miles outside of town.
BOY: 3260.
But that day...
the driver took a different route.
Wrong way.
Wrong way.
Wrong way.
And instead of
taking the students home...
he drove the bus
to an abandoned rock quarry.
This rock quarry.
The kids didn't know that over the years,
their parents had become exhausted...
embarrassed.
And they were willing to do anything
to ease their burden.
So one day, the parents approached
the bus driver and made him an offer.
Shh.
With the money they collected together,
they asked him to do the unthinkable.
It almost worked perfectly.
BOY: Wrong way.
Wrong way.
Home. Home.
I wanna go home.
I wanna go home.
Home.
[ENGINE REVS]
Home. Home.
Home! Go home!
Home.
The driver was never heard from again.
[GASPING]
As for the bus, some say
it sank so deep that it couldn't be found.
Others say the town
just didn't want it to be found.
For all we know, it's still down there...
and so are those kids.
You are so full of shit.
Really?
Then I guess
you won't mind being first.
First what?
8 victims, 8 jack-o'-lanterns...
each one representing a lost soul.
So we're going to leave them
by the side of the lake...
as an offering to those who died.
Oh.
Is that one of yours?
Yes.
It's very pretty.
Thank you.
It can only hold 3 safely.
I'll send the keys back up.
You guys bring the rest.
Uh.... Okay.
EMMA: I can't do this.
If you put me in a box...
[PHONE RINGING]
it makes me feel like
you're not proud of me.
If you're not proud of me....
-Hello?
-Who's your favorite big sister?
You there?
Yeah. Hi.
So there's a guy here
who really wants to meet you.
Is he young? Cute?
[G TOM MAC'S CRY LITTLE SISTER
PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
Uh.... Yeah.
Yeah, no, you could say that.
He's really, really nice.
So he's hideous.
Just get your ass over here.
Beggars can't be choosers.
Nice.
Great.
Not now, Andrew.
-Josh.
-Whatever.
[HOWLING]
Werewolves.
Very funny.
SARA: That bus is around here somewhere.
I think it's over here.
SCHRADER: Over where? I can't see shit
in this fog. Think I found a dead retard.
SARA: That's me, asshole.
SCHRADER: Like I said.
MACY:
Both of you shut up and keep looking.
SCHRADER:
There's something moving by that rock.
MACY: I can't see.
SARA: Jesus, what is that?
[SARA SCREAMS]
Help me!
MACY: Sara! Where's Sara?
SARA: Run!
SCHRADER: There's nowhere to go.
CHIP: Up! I wanna go back up!
[CHIP WHIMPERING]
Macy? Schrader? Sara?
Aren't you coming? Okay, stay here.
Don't let the candles go out
and they'll protect you, okay?
[SCREAMING]
[GRUNTING]
[SCREAMS]
[THUDS]
SCHRADER: Oh, shit.
SARA: Is she dead?
Hey.
[SCREAMS]
[GRUNTS]
SCHRADER: Rhonda.
Rhonda.
It was all going so well.
-You're all dead!
-Rhonda, calm down.
It was all just a trick.
Look, none of this is real.
It was just a trick.
-A bad joke.
-I'd say it was a pretty good one.
Shut up.
[RHONDA WHIMPERING]
Here, let me see.
Does it hurt?
-Go pack everything up. We're leaving.
-Says who?
Macy, she's scared out of her mind.
What else do you want?
Let's go.
CHIP:
This one's still lit.
If this was all a trick,
then how did the school bus get here?
MACY: That part's true.
-What happened to the bus driver?
I don't know, Chip.
[CHILDREN WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
-What?
-I didn't say anything.
-I'm not in the mood.
-It wasn't me.
SARA:
What is that?
[CHIP, SARA & MACY SCREAMING]
MACY: Schrader!
-Not again.
MACY: Over here!
-Wait here.
SARA:
Help us!
MACY:
Schrader!
-Schrader!
-What the hell?
We have to go.
We have to get out of here.
-Calm down.
-We have to go!
-Look, Macy--
-Listen to me!
We heard voices.
There are other people here.
[RUSTLING]
[CHILDREN CONTINUE
WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
What is that?
Help me! Help me!
[SCREAMING]
No. Run.
Rhonda, open the gate.
-Let us in, please!
-Open the gate!
Open the gate, please.
Come on.
Open the gate.
-No! Rhonda, look at me.
-What are you doing?
It's not a trick, it's real.
Come back!
CHIP: Where is she going?
SCHRADER: Rhonda!
CHIP: No, no!
-It's not a trick!
[MACY, CHIP & SCHRADER
SCREAMING]
CHIP: Help me, please!
[RUSTLING]
I'm not in the mood,
so just come on out.
[SCREAMS]
WOMAN:
Oh, my God. She's so funny.
No, thanks.
She's a big girl.
She can take care of herself.
I wish that were true.
Mom always said
she was the runt of the litter.
[GROWLS]
My, my...
what big eyes you have.
[SCREAMS]
So where's this guy
you're setting her up with?
The nice one?
[SCREAMS]
Laurie.
Oh, my God.
Please, help me.
WOMAN: There she is.
DANIELLE:
Laurie, what's going on?
You're late.
Sorry. It took longer than I thought.
What did he do to you?
I listened to their advice
and played hard to get. He bit me.
Well, at least you made it. Drink?
Sure.
Come here.
-Please.
-Say "ah."
Not bad.
What's your name, honey?
Steven.
-Steven?
-Steven Wilkins.
I'm glad you're her first, I really am.
I like you.
Who are you people?
[SCREAMS]
I'm nervous.
Hey.
You're gonna be fine.
Just be yourself.
[MARILYN MANSON'S SWEET DREAMS (ARE
MADE OF THESE) PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS]
It's my first time...
so just bear with me.
What are you doing?
[STEVEN SCREAMS]
My, my...
what big eyes you have.
[HOWLING]
[LOCKS CLICKING]
Trick or treat.
[GROWLING]
[SCREAMING]
MAN 1 [ON TV] :
You push it in, you slide the food in.
It pops right out, okay?
I'm gonna take this device.
I've done it 3 times already, inside.
I'm gonna show the folks
how to put it on the spit rod.
It's so darn easy.
I take the meat, and all I'm gonna do
is just center it like this.
It goes down.
I'll put the wheel on.
It's as simple as this.
This is about a 7-pound
pork loin roast.
I'll put it in the machine, I'll slide it back,
put up the window.
- You set it, and...?
AUDIENCE: Forget it!
MAN 1: Right. I'm gonna go over
to the pork loin roast over here now...
and I'm gonna take this one out.
This has been done--
WOMAN: It's only 8:00, and the streets
are packed with visitors...
some to show off, others to blend in...
but all to celebrate the magical night
of Halloween.
[SCREAMING ON TV]
MAN 2: --baked goods and crops
were left out as offerings for the dead...
a custom now known
as trick-or-treating.
Christ.
MAN 1:
Revolutionary. Now look.
Let me just start cutting this over here
so that folks can see.
This beautiful? Look at this
over here, folks, huh?
[SPITE BARKING]
Look how beautiful that pork looks
with all its injected flavors on the--
[GATE CREAKING]
[LAUGHING]
[FOOTSTEPS PATTERING]
[SPITE BARKING]
Happy Halloween.
Spite?
Spite.
[SPITE GROWLING AND CHEWING]
Spite. Get your ass in here.
Are you finished crapping or what?
[BOY GRUNTS]
Who the hell is that?
I've got an NRA membership
in my pocket...
and a shotgun over the fireplace,
so get out of here before I--
STEVEN: It's me, Mr. Kreeg.
Steven. Steven Wilkins.
KREEG: What in God's name are you doing
down there, Wilkins? Hiding bodies?
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
-What did you say?
STEVEN: Nothing.
The septic tank is acting up.
Well, fix it!
It stinks like a dead whore out here.
STEVEN: I'm trying.
KREEG:
Keep your kid out of my yard!
Goddamn freak.
STEVEN: Happy Halloween.
Screw you!
Get the hell off my...!
[YELLS]
[SPITE BARKING]
[DOG DOOR SQUEAKING]
[SPITE WHIMPERS]
Well, zip-a-dee-doo-dah.
Spite?
[WHISTLES]
[SPITE WHIMPERS, THEN SQUEAKS]
Spite?
[SCREAMS]
Who the hell are you?
[GASPS]
[YELLS]
[GLASS CRACKING]
[SCREAMING]
[SAM LAUGHING]
[BOTH SCREAM]
[GRUNTING]
Wilkins! Wilkins!
Over here! Wilkins!
Wilkins, help me, goddamn it!
Help me! Wilkins!
Help me!
[SCREAMING]
[SAM SCREAMS]
Huh?
[COCKS GUN]
[LINE RINGS]
WOMAN: 911, please hold.
-Hello? Hello?
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYS
OVER PHONE]
911, what is your emergency?
Yeah, I'd like to report--
Hello? Hello? Hello?
[SCREAMING]
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Oh, no.
[GROANING]
[CRACKING]
[SCREAMING]
[KNOCKING]
[LOCKS CLICKING]
Trick or treat.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thanks, Mr. Kreeg.
Great mummy costume.
Thank you.
[TIRES SCREECH]
[LAUGHING]
EMMA:
This was a great idea, honey.
It's just magical. It makes me wish
every night was Halloween.
I'm sorry, Em. Wait, wait. Not yet.
-What?
-You're supposed to keep it lit.
-Why?
-Ancient tradition?
Henry, it's Halloween, not Hanukkah.
Baby, I'm lit, and you're lit.
But your little friend here?
His night's over.
HENRY:
You know, you should be more careful.
There are rules. You might upset someone.
EMMA: Oh, please. Who?
[KNOCKING]
CHILD [WHISPERS] :
Over here.
[CHILDREN WHISPERING
INDISTINCTLY]
BOY: Trick or treat.