True Confessions of a Hollywood Starlet (2008) Movie Script
Woman's voice:
So this is how it ends.
Me, Morgan Carter,
movie star, stuck in coach
between stinky sandwich man
- and sweaty fat guy.
- No.
- ( man coughs )
- I swear my mother's trying to kill me.
It isn't a pretty story,
except for the clothes,
the parties and the limos.
( rock music playing )
- Now you get alone with me...
- ( whoops )
I'm gonna make you mine
and make you free
In the new world
( cameras clicking )
Crap goes in
and crap goes out
And it makes me scream,
it makes me shout
In the new world...
( girls shouting )
( laughs )
Whoo!
This is my world.
Bye!
( laughing )
- Tell me you did not just do that!
- I totally did!
Man on TV: And here we are live
from the red carpet
for the world premiere of Morgan
Carter's new movie "She's the Bomb. "
Now Morgan's set
to be here at any minute.
You know what? After a series
of high-profile breakups,
it's anybody's guess
who will be Morgan's date tonight.
You're my mystery date.
It looks like her car is coming up
around the corner right now.
Everybody wants a piece
of her tonight.
- I'm famous.
- So so famous.
We're gonna have the exclusive
interview with Morgan.
- Let's do it!
- Man: Here's all the paparazzi.
- Easy, guys, easy. Here, hang on.
- ( crowd screaming )
Here we go again.
- Man: Hey, Morgan- oh!
- Ooof!
- ( crowd gasps )
- Morgan!
How excited are you
to be here this evening?
I'm so excited that my best friend
Marissa DahI is here tonight.
And now for our "Star Report. "
Rumors abound
that Morgan Carter
who collapsed outside
a Hollywood nightclub four months ago
- is leaving rehab sometime this week.
- Turn it off.
The name of the facility is
still a closely-guarded secret.
Everyone is dying to know:
- Is Morgan all cleaned up...
- Sam, turn it off.
...or messed up?
The good news is
they're still talking about her.
Spun like a true manager.
I'm trying, but this has happened
too many times.
The studios are not gonna touch her
untiI convinced her recovery's reaI.
Let's open with that
when we see her.
- I'm just saying.
- I'm going in first.
Oh my God.
This place is so depressing.
Sam: You think?
- Hi, honey.
- Oh, yes!
The Bianca has arrived
to spring me.
- I hate it when you call me that.
- It's good to see you, too.
Why are you sitting?
Come on, let's go.
- We need to talk.
- Why start now, Mom?
Okay, between the clubbing
and the paparazzi
and the Perez Hiltons,
it is impossible for you
to recover in this town.
Whatever.
Listen, I just wanna go
to the salon and then the spa. I mean-
Okay, Morgan honey,
you're not going to the spa.
In fact,
you're not going home.
Sam:
Where are you guys?
- Sam! My awesome manager.
- Where's my Morgan?
Sam, all right, let's step out.
This is too much.
So your mother and I
have decided
that you should go and stay
with your Aunt Trudy for a while.
What the hell are
you talking about?
- Your Aunt Trudy-
- She isn't even my reaI aunt.
She's some obscure friend
of Bianca's from high schooI
- and she lives in purgatory.
- Fort Wayne, Indiana.
- Same thing.
- Sam: Nevertheless,
you will be living there
and going to schooI there.
Going to schooI?
A public schooI? Are you lit?
I'll get mobbed
by the press.
Yeah, we thought of that.
We thought of that,
so while you are in Fort Wayne,
you are not Morgan Carter,
you are-
are you ready for this?
you are Claudia Miller.
And no one's gonna
recognize you as a brunette.
- This is great, huh?
- Huh!
Sam: Huh?
I get it.
( sighs )
I'm on some reality show, right?
Hidden cameras...
( exhales, clears throat )
- So you guys are serious?
- Both: Mm-hmm.
For how long?
As long as it takes, Morgan.
- Oh my God. What is this?
- Bianca: New luggage.
Average 17-year-olds
don't carry Louis Vuitton bags.
- Earrings.
- Quentin Tarantino gave these to me.
Exactly.
She'll be wearing these
by tonight.
I guess this means I'm not
getting the Soderbergh film.
Sam: He didn't think
you were right for the part.
Sam, the part is
a teen alcoholic.
They're thinking of aging it up,
you know, rewriting it for Will Ferrell.
- I'm not gonna go.
- You shut down your last film.
Nobody's gonna touch you
right now. Do you understand that?
"Coach"?
I make $5 million a film
and I'm flying coach?
Claudia Miller has a budget.
Claudia Miller flies coach.
Well, I hate her already.
- Give her a chance.
- Bye, darling. Mommy loves you.
- This is a bad idea.
- Bianca, please.
Bianca: This is a bad idea. She's been
working since she was 5 years old.
She's had stylists,
publicists, assistants.
I'm not sure she can function
in the reaI world.
Give her a chance.
( pop rock music playing )
SOS, please
someone help me
It's not healthy
for me to feeI this way
Oh, you are making
this hard
I can't take it,
see, it don't feeI right
SOS, please
someone help me...
Morgan's voice: I had arrived
in extreme suburbia as part
of the witless protection program.
Whoa!
You are making this hard
This time please someone
come and rescue me
'Cause you on my mind
has got me losing it...
I got sober for this.
You're here!
How was your flight?
I died twice in my mind.
Yeah, I hate to fly.
Well, welcome.
- Anti-hug?
- Yes, I am.
Well, you go ahead in
and I'II-
yeah, I'll get your bags.
Morgan's voice: The last time
I saw Aunt Trudy I was 5 years old.
She's now divorced
and works as a plant lady,
though her house is
suspiciously devoid
of plants
and other living things.
Her decor is more like
Willy Wonka on acid.
Come on in.
I'll give you a little minitour, okay?
Okay, great.
Morgan's voice: I mean, there were
multicolored polka dots everywhere,
even on the ceiling.
- And oh, my God, that clock.
- Made it myself.
Morgan's voice:
And it seems to be made out of-
Licorice.
Of course, who doesn't need
edible wall art?
I'm living with a 14-year-old.
Kitchen. You can help yourself
to anything, okay?
Morgan's voice: Correction.
I'm living with a 10-year-old.
My room has
rainbow-striped walls,
a closet that wouldn't even fit
my Dolce & Gabbanas
and Pepto-colored sheets
with happy little butterflies
and no thread count.
So go ahead and settle in.
Take a nap if you like.
Your mom gave me some money
for schooI clothes,
so we'll hit the mall later.
Morgan's voice:
How can they expect me to live
in the Tim Burton version
of suburbia?
Sober no less?
I'm a pleasure-seeker
Shopping for a new distraction
I'm a pleasure-seeker looking
for some platinum action
I'm a pleasure-seeker
moving to the music
I'm a pleasure-seeker looking
for the reaI thing
Candelabras
in a Wonderbra
Dress Barn runway-
a reaI draw...
- Ooh!
- Faster, pussycat...
The new Stuart Weitzman shoes!
Wow, I saw these during
New York Fashion Week
and they're beautifuI.
- $325.
- Yeah, you should get a pair, too.
I could buy a hundred flip-flops
for that amount of money.
Anyway, your mom
only gave me $500 for everything.
( chuckles )
( telephone rings )
Hello.
I cannot buy
a new wardrobe and shoes
for 500 freaking dollars.
$500 is a lot of money, Morgan.
Let's be reaI, Mom. Every time you walk
into a store, you spend double that.
That is so not the point. You've only
been in Fort Wayne for half a day.
- Why don't you trying fitting in?
- Thanks for calling me, by the way.
I figured you'd call me.
Which I just did to tell you
that I need more money.
No.
"No"? What do you mean "No"?
It's my money.
I earned it.
What the hell am I supposed
to do here?
- Figure it out.
- ( beeps )
She hung up on me.
I'm broke,
stranded in a flyover state,
with no stylist
and she hung up on me.
Then lunch is on me.
I think it's safe
to lose the sunglasses and hat.
Are you serious? I'll be signing
autographs for, like, an hour.
Cashier:
May I take your order?
- Do you have a carb-free burger?
- Nope.
How about anything
with a fat content under 20%?
No idea.
Okay.
I'll just have a garden salad.
Our salads have
sugar in them.
( clears throat )
Whatever,
I'll have a burger...
with everything on the side,
even the bun.
I don't have a button
for that.
Stan!
She wants a burger
with everything on the side,
including the bun.
We don't have
a button for that.
No one recognized me.
How insane is that?
Well, I guess your disguise
is working then, huh?
Where the hell
am I supposed to shop?
There.
I'd rather go naked.
Listen, while I totally
respect your taste
in shoes and clothes,
you're shopping like Morgan Carter.
- I am Morgan Carter.
- Claudia Miller might just
like Discount Darling.
( clears throat )
Claudia Miller did not love
Discount Darling
but, to my horror,
she did shop there.
And she has terrible taste.
- How's it going?
- It's going.
How long have you
been divorced again?
A year, why?
Are you hoping he'll come back
for his favorite shirts?
I forgot about these.
Morgan's voice: Maybe someone
other than me is having issues.
So why did you get divorced?
- Rather not talk about it.
- Well, I'd rather not be here.
Well, then looks like
we're stuck then, eh?
I guess we are.
You know, you probably should
have gotten a backpack.
A backpack?
Actually, Claudia Miller
might carry a backpack
to go with her fugly shoes.
Have you ever been
to a reaI high schooI?
Does my starring role
in "She's the Bomb" count?
( chuckles ) No.
( growls )
How's that for luck?
The traffic's all backed up
And I'm 47 minutes late
What a great way
to start the day
Well, enough's enough
and now I'm all worked up
And my head's about
to explode
I'm freaking out
even though I know
I know there's only
so much I can do
There's only so much
I can say
There's only
so much I can be
At the end of the day...
Give it here, stupid.
Let me do it right.
- I was just trying to-
- Don't touch anything.
But we're supposed
to be partners.
Can I have a new partner?
Claudia Miller, I am transferring you
to freshman math.
Your geometry skills
are severely lacking.
So your homework is
to watch a lowbrow comedy
and then write an essay about
the elements that make it lowbrow-
Morgan's voice: Did I mention
that this guy's a totaI wanker
complete with a fake accent
like the one Madonna got
after she became British?
he elements that give the genre
its characteristic traits,
like cinema verite,
something like that-
the plot,
the gags,
the slapstick.
Yes?
What exactly do you
consider lowbrow?
Anything by the
Farrelly brothers.
Yeah, they're definitely the kings
of gross-out humor
but haven't
they made an art of it?
Well, that would depend
on whether you consider
semen jokes art.
Wasn't there a time when Shakespeare
would have been considered lowbrow?
Yes, but that is theater.
Now you're essay should not
only include the elements-
I think I've heard
enough from you.
Let's give someone else
a chance.
Your essay should include-
where are you going?
- The bathroom.
- No. Sit.
No?
Class is almost over. Sit.
Morgan: What the hell?
I need permission to go to the bathroom?
Okay.
Morgan's voice:
Starch starch
starch, grease.
Lunch in the cafeteria of doom.
Who eats this stuff?
$1.50.
Oh, I don't have money.
I mean, I have money.
I have lots of money,
but I just- can I sign for it?
Next!
GirI:
You are not wearing that!
GirI #2: I am, too!
Morgan: In the movies,
mean but beautifuI schooI princess,
usually played by me,
approaches the new girI
and says something like,
"Hey, you're new, right?"
Ominous music plays
and odds are that the new girI
is about the steaI the princess's
boyfriend or homecoming title.
Hey. I'm new.
Morgan: In the reaI world,
no one talks to the new girI.
And you might as well
have written "new girI"
on my forehead
with a Sharpie.
She's delusionaI
and he is way too hot for her.
Morgan:
There's our princess now.
Excuse me.
Is this yours?
Where did you get this?
The floor.
GirI #3:
You're kidding me. For reaI?
GirI #4:
Okay, that was weird.
Who is she?
GirI #4:
No idea. I don't get it.
Morgan:
And the new girI strikes out again.
Let's go talk to her.
( clears throat ) Hey.
My mom would have killed me.
Thanks.
No problem.
And you are?
Claudia Miller, new girI.
I saw you this morning
in chemistry.
Yeah, my lab partner wants
to deport me.
Yeah, well, some people
aren't so friendly.
Morgan:
It was actually going pretty okay.
She was testing me,
and I was passing.
You think?
- Morgan's voice: And then...
- Where did you get those jeans
and those dorky shoes?
Were you dumpster diving?
Oh, no, I borrowed them
from your mother.
Watch your mouth,
welfare baby.
( students laughing, gasping )
Morgan:
And just like that,
me who wears and personally
knows Donatella Versace
was rejected for my clothes
and bad shoes.
No longer
in the starring role,
I had become
an extra in my own life,
and I needed a drink...
yesterday.
Morgan's voice: In Los Angeles,
AA meetings are like
having lunch with your agent-
everybody does it.
It would be so much easier
to go inside if I had a drink first.
Which is why
you have to go inside.
Maybe we could just go
hang out somewhere instead.
- I gotta work.
- This is really what you do?
You spend your time alone
in empty offices watering plants?
Sometimes
I even speak to them.
What kind of
a lame career is that?
Okay, look, in the reaI world
there's this thing called a filter.
Use it before you speak.
Now go inside.
But what if someone
recognizes me, seriously?
I mean, I doubt for a minute
they'll honor the anonymous part.
They'll take out
their cell phones, take a picture-
Are you wearing panties?
Hey, I watch "Entertainment Tonight. "
You'll be fine.
Well, thanks for the help.
- Get me out of here.
- Sam: Remember what we talked about.
Just pretend
you're playing a role.
I'm miscast.
Excuse me.
Cell phones aren't allowed in here.
- Help me.
- Morgan, you're strong.
Come on, Sam!
Okay, everyone, let's get started
by welcoming our newcomers
and having them make
a brief introduction.
Hi.
My name is Morgan,
and I'm an alcoholic.
AII: Hi, Morgan.
Morgan:
I had one line, and I blew it.
Claudia, I'm sorry.
Morgan is actually a nickname
and, you know, Claudia's on
my birth certificate and everything,
so call me Claudia.
AII: Hi, Claudia.
Morgan's voice:
I was sure one of the two twins
was going to scream out
my true identity...
I've been sober
for 121 days.
...but they didn't.
No one screamed anything.
Thank you, Claudia.
Okay, so is there anyone
this evening
who is ready to receive-
Morgan's voice:
I needed a drink.
And I needed to talk
to Marissa,
but Sam and Bianca said no.
Morgan: It's a stupid rule.
I should be able to talk to my friend.
There must be
a reason for it.
Morgan: I'm not supposed to have
contact yet with those who enabled me.
Yeah, be carefuI. I had friends
like that. They're called enemies.
Marissa is my best friend.
You do your own nails?
Yeah. I could do yours.
No, I have people
who come to the house.
We're back live from the red carpet,
and here we have Marissa DahI.
Oh my God. Speaking of-
that's her right now. Turn it up.
Marissa, how are you doing?
You look great. I have a question here.
I have been hearing that you've
been cast as the new Aqua GirI.
- Marissa: I can't believe it.
- Neither can I.
I mean, I'm really just
in such shock.
I grew up reading Aqua GirI,
and now I get to be her.
Word is you beat out
Sarah Michelle Gellar.
Everybody wanted the part.
- I mean, who wouldn't, right?
- ( beeping )
- Man: Enjoy your night.
- Marissa: Thank you.
- Marissa!
- Man: This is not Marissa.
- Who is this?
- This is her assistant Troy.
- Who is this?
- This is Claudia- this is Morgan.
Troy: She doesn't know
any Claudia Morgan.
I want to talk to Marissa.
Troy: Okay, can I tell her
what this is regarding?
Morgan:
I'll call her back.
That was her assistant.
Since when does she have
an assistant?
I have ice cream.
No, I am not becoming
a junk-food addict like you.
( sighs )
What are you doing?
I am throwing out
these horrifying clothes!
Unlike you,
I take immediate action.
And unlike you, I donate.
Here, tell you what:
why don't you just take out the trash?
You want me
to take out the trash?
Yes.
At home, when my assistant
put out my trash,
the paparazzi would go through it.
This is why God invented shredders.
And that's the nice thing
about living here.
Your trash is safe.
Grasp the little yellow handles,
cinch to close, pull,
remove to curbside.
Funny.
Ah! I hate this.
Marissa's a star,
and I am taking out the trash.
It's so unfair.
You ride.
You take out the trash?
It's my favorite.
Very nice bike.
So you read Shakespeare,
you get A's
and you ride a vintage Harley.
It's not mine.
I fix 'em.
You're a mechanic?
Yeah, I also detaiI.
You're like "American Chopper"
meets "Monster Garage. "
What's that,
code for something?
Reality TV.
Oh. I don't watch reality TV.
You don't watch reality TV?
Nope, I read.
Morgan's voice: Okay,
stop me here, but mechanics are hot.
- See ya.
- Later.
Morgan's voice: He reads.
He fixes stuff.
He's like a Renaissance man.
The internet- the only place
where Morgan Carter
exists these days.
Maybe Perez can help solve
my current existentiaI crisis,
or at least remind me
of who I used to be.
"Dead?"
They think I'm dead.
Well, my career is totally dead,
which I guess in Hollywood
is the same thing.
Hello.
- Hey, you hungry?
- No.
- Where's your dog?
- What?
Uh, the screensaver. Dogs.
Oh, yeah,
he took the dog.
Bye-bye.
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, we had a cute dog trainer.
The dog was badly trained.
Now I know why.
So what are you saying, your husband
left you for a dog trainer?
Yeah.
- Now I get to ask you a question.
- Okay.
When did you start drinking?
Hmm...
I don't even remember starting,
but I just really liked the feeling,
so I didn't wanna stop.
I'm really sorry for the things
I said earlier and my behavior-
No- hey, it's a big,
loud world, sweetheart.
It's already forgotten.
I wish everything was.
Huh.
I'm really tired.
I'm gonna go to sleep.
Okay.
Good night.
We all know how
reality bites
And sticks its claws down deep
in your brain...
- Next!
- Morgan's voice: I paid for my lunch,
which gave me a ridiculous sense
of accomplishment.
How pathetic is that?
I'm a new girI
In a big world
It's amazing
It's so crazy
I'm a new girI,
I'm the new girI...
So what did you write about
for film class?
Oh, "Something About Mary. "
I compared the musicaI narration
to the narratives
- in Shakespeare's play.
- Perfect. He'll hate it.
- This is my sister Emily.
- Oh.
Hi. Claudia, right?
I saw you when you registered.
You signed up for volleyball.
It was the only sport left.
Yeah, I've got it too.
We're the only non-Amazons.
- Are you serious?
- So did you just move here?
Morgan's voice:
Finally, a chance to use the backstory
- I made up on the plane.
- I moved from New York.
I'm living
with my Aunt Trudy.
I kind of fell in
with the wrong crowd at my old schooI.
- Has anyone read chapter eight yet?
- I read the book.
He finishes all
his assignments early.
Leaves more time for life.
Morgan: Life?
There isn't even a club in this town.
So what's fun
to do around here?
- Boy: Hey, Eli!
- Lots of stuff.
You just gotta know
where to look. What up?
So are you liking Hillhaven?
It's bigger
than my last schooI.
There's a lot more kids,
so I'm just-
I'm getting used to that.
( indistinct conversations )
Aren't you a little young
to be divorced?
Divorced? No, I'm-
This is my niece Claudia. She's staying
with me for a little while.
Hi, Claudia.
This is my women's
divorce support group,
but most of them come
because they like my satellite dish.
Sad but true.
- There's more drinks in the kitchen.
- Okay.
- She's adorable.
- Yeah, she is.
- She's a doll.
- Cute as a button.
Okay, so anyone wanna talk
about their divorce?
- Not really.
- No.
- Once again, no. Okay.
- ( click )
I hope this isn't
the Angelina Jolie one.
I've seen it twice.
If Angelina stole my husband,
I'd think it was an act of God.
Dayna Devon on TV:
... "Girls Gone Wild" 24/7.
We all know Britney.
We all know Lindsay and Nicole.
Here we go again.
Is Morgan Carter
the latest train wreck?
When you're Morgan Carter,
the paparazzi catches your every move...
- Where are these people's parents?
- Devon: She may be only 17,
but that doesn't mean
she can't party like a rock star.
She really knows how
to mix things up to keep it exciting,
- and then...
- Excuse me!
...there was that life-changing
night outside the club.
Morgan on TV:
Dude, get a life! Get a life!
Get a life!
You make me sick!
Morgan, Morgan, wake up.
She's not moving!
Can somebody go get somebody?
( men and women shouting )
Marissa:
Somebody go call 911 now!
( shouting continuing )
( siren wailing on TV )
She's not breathing.
She's not-
somebody do something!
Morgan didn't die that night,
and while reports claim
that Morgan's been released
from rehab,
she's all but disappeared...
How long was
she in rehab for, a day?
Devon: So where in the world
is Morgan Carter
and who will be
the next to fall?
- Up next, celebrity-
- ( turns TV off )
She's having a rough time
in schooI. New girI.
New girI's the worst.
- ( rings )
- Sam on voicemaiI: It's Sam.
- You know what to do.
- ( beeps )
Sam- Sam, it's me.
Listen, I really need
to talk to you.
I just saw-
listen, I understand
why you sent me here,
and you've guided me through
every step of my career,
but this is really
not working at all.
Can you call me, please?
Just call me.
- ( beeps )
- ( knocks on door )
He wasn't there?
Sam was the first person I saw
when I woke up in the hospitaI.
He's the only reason I'm alive.
What about your mom?
Bianca?
Bianca's... whatever.
She's not always around.
At first she was
when I was really little,
but then she hired people for that
and started dating... a lot...
and traveling and...
stuff.
What was my mom like before?
I have a really hard time
picturing you two as friends.
Hang on.
We were the popular girls.
We ruled high schooI
with our big hair
and shoulder pads.
Your mom dated everyone,
but I just dated the quarterback.
I was so in love with him.
Aw. So what happened?
He got a scholarship
to Florida State,
so I followed him.
I was pre-med.
- You were gonna be a doctor?
- Yeah, hard to believe, huh?
Now the closest I get
is watching "Grey's Anatomy. "
Anyway, he blew out his knee
and the only job he could find
was as a high schooI coach
up here in Fort Wayne,
so I quit college
and came with him.
That's not a very good story.
Nope.
Meanwhile, your mom was traveling
the country, winning pageants.
- Right, the pageant queen.
- Mm-hmm.
She thought it was
her ticket to Hollywood,
- that she would become-
- Me.
Yeah.
She was on "GeneraI HospitaI"
playing a nurse for, like, a week,
and that's when she met
the sperm donor.
I don't think she even
got my dad's reaI name.
Listen, honey,
your mom was confused
for a long time,
but I really do think
she's trying to sort it all out now.
Maybe.
You okay?
Yeah.
I gotta make
a nacho refresher.
No, good. You should.
( beeping )
( rings )
Bianca's voice: This is Bianca.
You know what to do.
- ( beeps )
- Hey, Mom.
It's me your daughter.
I just wanted to call, check-in
and I wanted to say that I...
( beeps )
...miss you.
( gasps ) Ah!
Damn! Why didn't you wake me?
I'm gonna be late.
If I'm late again, they're gonna
make me scrub gum off the concrete.
- Claudia!
- What?
It's Saturday.
Oh.
I can get two sweaters for $40?
What's the catch?
There's no catch.
The miracle of discount shopping.
I can see why Martha Stewart
loves this place.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
Ooh!
Hey, this shirt is perfect for you.
I don't think so.
I do.
Chest advertising is a great way
to meet really nice guys.
And that way you can start spending
less time with plant materiaI.
Well, thank you. No.
Thank you, yes.
I called Sam five times and he didn't
call me back. Is he mad at me?
I think he's just trying
to give you your space,
- let you make your own decisions.
- Did he say that?
I haven't spoken to either of them
since your mom sent me the money.
Morgan:
What is this?
This has nothing
to do with a bomb.
There's not even a bomb
in this movie.
They totally changed
the ad for the DVD.
This looks like "Mean Girls"
meets "Die Hard. "
( panting )
Everything I worked for,
everything is gone.
It's just a movie, come on.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
( panting )
You're gonna start hyperventilating.
Here, here. Breathe into this.
- ( breathing )
- Breathe.
Morgan:
So there you have it.
Right in the middle
of aisle five,
a discount breakdown.
( Sappey vocalizing )
For some of you,
I don't think that we are
in Kansas anymore.
Ouch.
Let me give you a piece
of advice, Claudia.
You have to figure out
what he wants to hear
and then give it to him.
You clearly don't have
a clue about film.
New essay topic, people:
The difference
between movies and film.
I really thought it was
the one class I would do well in.
I'm failing geometry and chemistry,
but film class? He hates me.
Hey, Eli, you coming?
- No, go on ahead. It's cooI.
- Okay.
You know, this is pretty good.
You just need some
supporting statements, like-
quote Richard SchickeI.
Sappey'II love it.
Yeah, SchickeI.
Good idea.
- You know who SchickeI is?
- Yeah, "Time" magazine,
one of the nation's
most influentiaI film critics.
I'm only partly hopeless.
All right, then you know
if he gives you a bad grade,
you know it's personaI.
If you want me to boost you
in geometry and chemistry, that's cooI.
Boost me?
You hardly know me?
- Tutor you.
- Oh, okay.
See, I'm hopeless,
but no, yeah, that sounds good.
- All right. See ya.
- Bye.
( woman blows whistle ) Okay, ladies,
we're gonna run the practice drill.
So what's up with the blue
and gold everywhere?
SchooI colors.
I'm loving the shorts,
by the way.
These are improved. You should have
seen the ones that went below the knee.
Sexy.
I hear they buy
the shorts the same place
you get your jeans, actually.
Is that right next to the Bargain Cuts
where you get your hair bleached?
( girls laughing )
( woman blows whistle )
Okay, let's take your positions.
Emily's team- digs and returns.
Julie's team- sets and spikes.
Morgan: Spike? The only thing
I know how to spike is a drink.
- ( blows whistle )
- Here we go, girls!
Morgan: I just have to remind myself
I'm Morgan Carter,
the second-youngest actress
ever nominated
for an Academy Award.
- Nice setup!
- Go for it!
( grunts )
( gasping )
- Mother-
- ( blows whistle )
You bitch! You bitch! You bitch!
What the-
( blowing whistle )
It hurts. What the-
you dumb bitch!
- Red card? How does that-
- Miller, to the principaI's office now.
I've gotten severaI reports
about you over the past two weeks,
none of them positive.
Four tardies, low grades
and now this outburst.
Ms. Miller- Claudia...
your job right now
is to be on time,
study hard
and discover your speciaI skill, hmm?
Morgan:
My skill is acting,
like right now.
If you don't pull up your averages,
you'll faiI your senior year.
- FaiI?
- You need to start applying yourself
and cease with the outbursts.
I'd like to hear it from you.
No more outbursts...
even if someone is trying
to maim me with a volleyball.
( screams )
Lindsay got the Soderbergh film?
That's impossible!
Sorry.
I can't believe it.
I'm washed up at 17.
- Claudia, talking to yourself?
- Oh my God.
You bipolar or just
everyday-average screwed up?
Door number two, I think.
Morgan:
Sam, Sam, Sam, it's me.
Sam, the point is the principaI
made me feeI like a totaI imbecile.
Get me out of here.
Call me, okay?
You know what?
I'm becoming very concerned
that my comeback will be
as a "SurreaI Life" cast member.
- So seriously, call me.
- ( beeps )
No one is washed up at 17.
We're baking.
What's with all the baking
and the junk food?
It's called avoidance,
and it's terrific.
You should try it sometime.
I have. It's called drinking.
Maybe we're not that different.
( laughs )
Maybe. Read.
You need an egg
and some bowls-
The bowls are over there.
I need two of them.
Okay. I'm bored already.
Do you ever think
about your stuff for reaI?
What, you mean like the fact
that my husband came downstairs,
ate a bowI of cereaI,
like every morning,
and then announced that he was
leaving me for the dog trainer?
Yeah, I think about it.
Then I think about the fact that he
actually left the bowI for me to wash.
Okay, what about the rest
of it, though?
You wanted to be a doctor.
You wanted to go to medicaI schooI.
- Nah, that ship sailed.
- That's it?
You're just gonna water plants
for the rest of your life?
I ask because- I mean,
in rehab we learned all about...
facing your fears
and chasing them down.
My greatest fear is that
I can't act anymore
and no one would care.
And then it happened.
Just because you're not acting
doesn't make you irrelevant.
Not according to the principaI
or to my mother
or apparently to Sam.
I just don't think
I can do anything else.
Listen, I know it doesn't feeI
like it right this second,
but you have only lived
a very small sliver
of your life.
Well, look who's talking.
Come on, when I was your age I wanted
everything right then and there.
I was racing
toward that finish line
and I ended up
messing it all up.
- You're 17.
- What does that mean?
- It means be 17 for a little while.
- Oh!
( doorbell rings )
Could that be another divorcee
seeking nachos?
( Trudy chuckles )
Oh, hi, come on in.
Claudia!
Hi.
Hey, Emily,
what are you doing here?
I wanted to make sure you'd recovered
from the attack of the Amazon woman.
Are you okay?
Morgan's voice: It was like a scene
out of "7th Heaven" or something.
She acted like she really cared,
which confused me.
Emily, nice to meet you.
Don't be a stranger.
Okay.
I also wanted to invite you
to my sleepover on Friday.
That's really sweet.
Sleepovers aren't really
my thing, though, but thank you.
Sometimes I get the feeling
that you don't really
wanna be my friend.
It's not true. I just-
I have a hard time
trusting people.
Don't tell anyone,
but my best friend from my old schooI,
she stole a bunch of SAT questions
and then she blamed it on me.
Oh my God.
Did you get expelled?
Let's just say it's a big part
of the reason I'm here.
Well, I won't tell anyone.
Pinkie promise.
Thank you.
Anyway, think about the party.
It'll be a really cooI time.
I will. I will think about it.
Emily, you know what?
I thought about it,
and it sounds like it'll be fun,
you know, whatever.
- Let's give it a shot.
- Yes!
We're gonna have
so much fun.
Yes, it'll be great.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Morgan's voice:
My first sleepover.
Strike that.
My first unscripted one.
( doorbell rings )
- Hi!
- Hey!
We just turned
Bethany's hair blue.
Morgan: Not exactly the kind of girls
I would have hung with at home.
I mean, I used to party
with princesses,
actuaI princesses.
I can't believe I let Trudy
talk me into this.
It could be worse.
I bet I'd have more fun chaperoning
her hot date watering begonias
or whatever it is she does.
If Trudy spent as much time
around people as she did plants,
maybe she'd have a date
with a reaI live human once in a while.
Oh.
Truth or dare?
What's the furthest you've gone
with a guy? Debbie.
Second.
- Okay, maybe third base.
- Emily: What?
Wait. What do you mean maybe?
Don't you know?
I only answer
one question per turn.
So truth or dare?
Truth.
Okay, is it true you got kicked out
of your old schooI
for doing your boyfriend
in the cafeteria?
Debbie.
No. Who told you that?
It's a hot rumor.
I heard it, too.
So then why did you
get kicked out?
I only answer
one question per turn.
I dare you to tell everyone
who you have a crush on at schooI.
At Hillhaven?
I don't have a crush on anyone.
Really? No one?
Morgan:
This girI was starting to bug.
- Liar.
- My instinct was to pounce on her.
Instead, I unfortunately said...
Besides,
I already have a boyfriend.
Girls: You do?
Morgan:
Crap, why did I say that?
You're Iying.
What's his name?
Evan Walsh.
- ( laughing )
- Evan Walsh, the actor?
Morgan:
Why couldn't I say "Joe Smith"?
Joe Smith was
the obvious answer.
No, they have the same name, but they're
obviously not the same person.
- Both: Yeah.
- I didn't think so.
I mean,
you dating Evan Walsh,
the actor. That's funny.
- Eli.
- Oh! Hey, Eli.
Hey, Debbie, Bethany.
- Emily: Girls' night.
- Hey, Claudia.
Hi.
And suddenly, all became clear
in Debbie's tiny little world.
She crushed on Eli,
and she worried
about the new girI- me-
riding off
into the sunset with him.
Okay, who wants
to watch a movie?
- Me.
- Morgan's voice: Anything to end
the Spanish
Fort Wayne Inquisition.
Okay, we've got "Go Panthers,"
"Bring It On," "Legally Blonde"
and "Girls on Top. "
Morgan:
And there it was, with my face
Taking up exactly 33%
of the DVD cover
Yes, exactly 33%.
It was in my contract
Let's watch "Go Panthers. "
Isn't that the girI that ODed-
Megan Carter?
Morgan Carter.
Yeah, that's her.
Let's watch "Legally Blonde. "
That's one of my favorite movies.
Yeah, and who gets implants at 13?
Debbie: Yeah, I mean,
and she can't even act.
I mean, I'm a better actress
than she is.
Well, I think she's really good.
If she's so great,
then why was she hooked on heroin?
It wasn't heroin!
It was alcohoI.
I read somewhere.
Hey, Claudia,
you kind of look like her.
Morgan:
Not now, please not now.
I don't think so.
Morgan's a blonde.
Yeah.
And not to mention,
she's twice the bra size.
And also she's way skinnier.
No offense, Claudia.
None taken.
Where's your bathroom?
Morgan's voice: Okay, so I had
gained some weight in rehab
and at Trudy's.
No.
But had I lost my breasts?
What the hell was going on?
Was I still Morgan
or was I really Claudia?
You don't have
a cigarette, do you?
Forget cigarettes.
I don't get you,
'cause you seem to like it here.
I mean,
you seem to be okay.
As opposed to...?
Tearing down the walls,
drinking till you fall over.
I think you want the guys
who hang out behind the 7-11.
Look up.
What do you see?
Nothing.
Eli: The sky.
I went to New York one time.
I looked up...
and I saw buildings.
The sky was crowded.
I don't know.
I like it here.
I never look up.
See those little dots up there?
Called stars.
Heard you got sent
to the principaI's office.
Yeah.
Eli: Hey, maybe we can start
that tutoring we talked about.
That's a great idea.
What's a great idea?
Eli:
Tutoring Claudia.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Tomorrow. Try not to tear down
any walls in the meantime.
Okay.
Here's the thing, Claudia:
I like Eli, and we've been friends
for a very long time,
and it's going to
the next leveI.
The next lev-
does he know that?
I'm serious.
Stay away from him.
Morgan's voice:
It was such cliched dialogue,
I couldn't believe
it was still being used.
I'm serious.
Find somebody else to play with,
or maybe you should go call
your fake boyfriend.
Anything to get away
from you, freak girI.
( phone beeping )
( rings )
Bianca's voice: This is Bianca.
You know what to do.
- ( beep )
- Pick up. Pick up.
Just pick up,
pick up, pick up.
- Pick up.
- ( beep )
Sam: Hello.
I'm looking for Bianca Carter.
Who is this?
Sam:
This is her husband. Who's this?
Husband?
This is her daughter.
Oh my God.
Oh God, oh God, oh God.
Sam?
Is that you?
Sam! Sam!
Sam, Sam, Sam,
talk to me.
What is- what is going on?
Sam, Sam, Sam!
Morgan... honey.
Did you get married?
Did you marry Sam?
Okay, calm down, Morgan.
You got married
without even telling me.
When did this happen?
Bianca: Last week.
We didn't want to tell you
because we didn't want
to mess with your recovery.
You're making this about me?
How dare you?
- This has nothing to do with me!
- Hold on. Sam wants to talk to you.
She's yelling at me.
DeaI with her.
Morgan sweetheart,
don't be angry with us,
because we didn't mean
to fall in love.
- We just- it just happened.
- Sam, this-
- this is bull!
- ( phone thuds )
Morgan: Sam didn't ship me off
to Fort Lame because he cared about me.
He did it so he could marry
my spoiled brat of a mother
without me knowing.
( phone rings )
Is it possible that Sam had
actually fallen in love with her?
Face down
One hand tied
to the anchor
And we're reaching
for the sky
Hope we don't drown
Don't drown
Do I really wanna...
Morgan: Truth is,
I had been expelled from their lives.
( ringing )
I've seen too many birds
shot down
Too many birds shot down
Too many birds...
Morgan's voice:
And now I was totally,
utterly alone.
- Hold on, there's a storm coming...
- ( phone crashes )
Stay face down
Face down.
Morgan, why'd you skip
the sleepover?
Morgan.
Morgan, honey. Morgan.
Trudy, hey.
You scared the hell out of me.
Yeah, well,
sorry about that.
You wanna tell me what the hell
this is about?
You we're the diversion.
Just keep her busy,
go off and get married,
and I'm supposed
to be the actress, you know?
But you're really good.
What? What are you telling me?
Your mom got married?
To Sam.
They told me last night.
- I didn't know anything about it.
- Right.
- I have no reason to lie to you.
- Well, that'd be a first.
Well, congratulations.
You finally did it.
You were just looking for an excuse
to drink and you found it.
You have no idea
what I've just been through.
Really? Really?
Well, I'll tell you what I do know.
You have been wandering
around here
like this is some great big joke waiting
for Hollywood Sam to come rescue you,
but that's not
gonna happen now, is it?
Okay, decision time, Claudia, Morgan,
whoever the hell you wanna be!
Which is it?
Which character?
What do you,
for reaI, actually care about?
- ( retching )
- ( water running )
Morgan:
What do I care about?
- What do I care about?
- ( doorbell rings )
Morgan:
Okay, no, that has to stop.
( doorbell ringing )
Morgan:
Seriously, stop.
( doorbell continues ringing )
( ringing stops )
- Morgan: Better.
- ( knocking )
Or not.
Please make me evaporate.
Hey.
Cut out on my sister's party.
She's pretty twisted about it.
You look like crap.
Aren't you a big ray of sunshine?
- What's wrong with you?
- Pick a category.
Oh.
Got it.
Eli, Eli, wait.
Please.
There's a lot that
you don't know about me.
I told everyone that I moved here
to make a fresh start,
but that's really only part
of the story.
Okay.
Listen, if I tell you something,
you have to promise not to tell anyone,
not even Emily.
Okay, try me.
I'm here because I-
because I'm in hiding.
- Hiding?
- Sort of.
From what?
My father's crazy.
He's really crazy,
and he gets very violent.
He used to hit me
and my mom.
What?
Morgan's voice:
I just couldn't chance it.
So instead, I borrowed the plot
from my Lifetime movie
"My Father, My Stranger. "
One time he broke my nose.
- What?
- My mom left him,
and the judge gave her
full custody,
but then he faked his own death
and he started following me around
in a disguise.
He's changed his name and everything.
My mom caught on to this,
of course, but then,
she got a rare blood disease, and she
wasn't able to care for us anymore.
She wasn't even able to keep
herself safe, let alone me,
so she thought the safest place for me
to be was right here with my aunt.
I thought stuff like that
only happened on TV.
Anyway,
that's why I'm so upset,
'cause I'm really afraid
that he might find me,
and he can't know
where I am.
He can never find me...
Morgan's voice:
And then I started to cry-
partly because the role required it,
but I also felt really terrible
about Iying to Eli.
Could you just forget
I ever said anything?
No. No, I will not forget, okay?
You see him, you call me.
All right?
In the meantime, let's get
your head into something else.
How about some geometry?
Yeah.
This is more boring
than baking.
Try it.
Is that right?
Yeah, that's all it is
right there.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Okay, well,
let's try another one.
- All right, here, try this.
- All right.
You wanna go out
this weekend?
What, like on a date?
Undefined.
Yes.
All right.
Morgan:
I'm not totally sure of this,
because most of my relationships
have either been scripted
or happened
while I was drunk,
but I maybe
might have a thing
for Eli Wills.
Are you dating my brother?
I don't know.
Okay, so let's try this one.
Do you have
a boyfriend in New York?
Not anymore.
We broke up.
I think he likes guys.
So the other night was a lie?
Or are you Iying to me now?
Morgan:
I'm Iying to everyone
all the time, and it sucks.
So do you like my brother?
I guess so.
Yes, I do.
Well, then don't lie to him
or to me ever again.
I don't know how much longer
I can keep Iying to people,
especially Eli.
And I am not smart enough
to keep track of who I said what to.
I mean,
maybe I should make a chart
just so I can
keep things straight.
Are you going
on a date or something?
What?
- No.
- Yea-
look at you.
You're all dressed up and your hair.
( doorbell rings )
You're going on a date!
It's him right now, isn't it?
I'm gonna go get it.
- Oh my God! Marissa!
- ( screaming )
Oh my God!
I can't believe you're here!
I can't believe this is
where they stuck you.
I've never seen
your reaI hair before. It's different.
- You knew about this.
- Sam and Bianca trying to play nice.
They did pass it
through your rehab counselor.
- Hi, Marissa. I'll take your bag.
- Thank you.
Oh. Oh. Oh my God.
Okay, look at this place.
Seriously, it's like
Hello Kitty threw up in here.
Be nice. Be nice.
Trudy's been really good to me.
So?
How are you, girlfriend?
- In need of a best friend.
- Well, I have arrived.
And the costume people
from my new movie totally hooked me up,
so we can go out
and no one will know it's me.
And I wanna try out
my new accent.
- Accent?
- Mm-hmm.
( Marissa with Southern accent )
Sugar, I feeI like we got transported
to the set
of "Ozzie and Harriet. "
Morgan:
Her accent was driving me crazy.
Marissa sounded like "Fargo"
meets Jessica Simpson.
You get used to it.
I like to hear the birds.
Ooh, let's get some ice cream.
Hello, can I have some vanilla
in a cup, please?
And what do you want?
Do you have any
nonfat sugar-free tofu?
Yeah, honey,
this is an ice cream truck, all right?
Thanks.
What?
It's just- wow.
I mean, why didn't you
just order a big side of fat?
I like ice cream.
So do I, but-
okay, I'm sorry.
But do you ever plan
on working again?
Of course I do.
That's why I'm here, remember?
This place is a joke, Morgan.
You'd have been better off
hiring a personaI trainer
and doing off-Broadway.
Marissa, you don't have the vaguest idea
of what I've been through.
You didn't even visit me
in rehab.
I mean, one day I was
your favorite party girI
and the next day
I almost died.
And you couldn't handle that,
and you just cut me loose.
Why?
Look, watching you that night
at the club,
I was almost as high
as you were.
Okay, it could have been me.
I know I should
have visited you in rehab.
I just felt guilty.
So guilty,
but I am really really sorry.
( car horn honks )
Crap.
Remember, I'm Claudia.
Okay.
- Emily: Hi.
- Hey, guys.
Eli, Emily,
this is my friend from back home...
Morgan's voice: Insert fake name.
Insert fake name!
Daisy Du- chovny.
- Daisy Duchovny.
- Like the guy from "X-Files"?
No relation. Too bad.
When do you want me
to pick you up on Saturday?
I'll call you.
CooI. All right, well,
good meeting you.
- Nice meeting you.
- Morgan: Thanks, guys.
Marissa:
See you all later.
Oh my God.
You are going on a date with Billy Joe.
His name is Eli,
and- we're just friends.
Okay okay, yeah, we have to
get you out of this town.
I bought you a really
gorgeous dress for tonight.
- What's tonight?
- We're making magic.
Oh.
Maybe we shouldn't be here.
Someone's gonna see us.
It's Chicago. Who do you
think we're gonna run into?
No using your reaI name.
No VIP treatment here.
I have never paid
a cover in my life.
I've actually cut way back
on my drinking.
Good.
Excuse me.
Hey, ladies. I'm Carlos.
What can I get for you?
Something pretty?
A Manhattan, two cherries.
I think I read your mind.
And for you?
Um...
club soda with a lime.
Are you sure you don't want
something pretty like your friend?
No, thank you.
Good for you. Idea:
Fly home with me,
move in with me
and we forget the whole
nightmare ever happened.
Morgan: Go back, resume, forget.
It sounded good to Morgan.
Hey, another one.
Morgan:
But Claudia was less sure.
Claudia had Trudy and Emily,
and Claudia had
an undefined date with Eli.
- ( dance music playing )
- Let's go, baby!
Whoo!
Marissa: Whoo! Yeah!
One shot for you, baby.
Morgan: For a moment,
it was really like old times.
Marissa and I were invincible.
Nothing could touch us.
Hey, Carlos, one more.
Here you go, sweet thing.
Hey, remember when we used
to dance on the bar at Jade?
We changed our bras
in front of, like, everyone.
Is it just me or are our best times
when we were smashed?
Relax, okay?
Loosen up. Come on!
Watch this.
Excuse me, boys.
Go, baby! Whoo!
( dance music continues )
- Marissa!
- Whoo!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Morgan:
Standing there holding that glass,
I realized how easy it would be
to take a sip.
When you're sober,
staring up at someone teetering
on a bar top isn't all that funny.
Marissa just looked
really really drunk.
Hey, girI, do you wanna get off
the bar before you kill yourself?
Whoo!
Morgan:
I'm not safe in Marissa's world anymore.
And let's face it,
it's her world now, not mine.
Come on, we gotta go.
What?
Morgan's voice: My world was
Fort Wayne... for now.
Morgan: Okay, here's the thing.
Sneaking in after dawn
is a lot scarier
when you're sober.
Trudy:
You stayed out all night.
You said you were
going to dinner, and I called,
I called and I called.
- My phone was off.
- That is totally unacceptable, Morgan.
Unacceptable!
You cannot stay here with me
if you're gonna lie, drink
and stay out all night.
I didn't drink.
I didn't.
Where were you?
Out with Marissa
and then she had to catch a flight back
to LA 'cause she had to be on set.
Okay, let me be
very clear about this.
You do not stay out all night.
You call if your plans change,
and you have another drink,
and you're out.
- Okay.
- Okay.
This is your house,
so your rules.
Is that a line
from a movie?
Probably,
but I mean it.
Give Sam a call.
He's looking for you.
Okay, I'm sorry.
The truth is we fell in love
while you were in rehab.
Both of us were blaming ourselves
for your problems,
and I really got to see
a different side to your mom.
Is this a secret side?
A side hidden
from the rest of the world?
Sam: Look, I know, I know,
and I get that you're still upset.
We handled it badly,
and I'm sorry.
All right.
Let's just talk
about something else.
Sam:
Sure. How's schooI?
Grades are bad,
friends are good
and I even have a date
this weekend, sort of.
Wow. Grades, friends
and boys, that's the first time
I've heard you sound like
a normaI teenager.
It's a lot harder than I thought,
this normaI-teenager thing.
- GirI: Come on, you guys!
- Man: Get your popcorn.
Morgan: Fried cola?
Two fried colas.
Oh my God.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
I started out here avoiding salads
with sugar in them
and now
I'm trying fried cola.
Okay.
Oh my God.
It's really really good.
Now the ostrich races.
Stop it.
Just take your time
Wherever you go
The rain is falling
on my windowpane
But we are hiding
in a safer place
Under cover
Staying dry and warm
You give me feelings
that I adore
They start in my toes,
make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes,
I always know
That you make me smile,
please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go
But what am I gonna say
When you make me feeI
this way?
I just...
- Claudia-
- Eli, don't.
Morgan:
And I kissed him.
I didn't know
what else to do.
I couldn't bear to hear him
call me Claudia one more time.
Just take your time
wherever you go...
Morgan:
I was seriously falling for him,
and I wanted
to hear my reaI name.
I've been asleep
for awhile now
You tucked me in
just like a child now.
Morgan: Trudy!
Hello?
Trudy.
Tru.
Morgan:
Now this was unexpected.
Trudy.
You didn't call me.
I was worried sick about you.
Where were you?
No comment.
Well, you're obviously seeing
someone, so spill.
- Come on, tell me all about him.
- It's no big deaI.
It's just our second date.
He's a dentist.
Okay, well, I'll give him the benefit
of the doubt on that one.
You really like this guy.
So have you slept
with him yet?
Oh, my! I'm so not having
that conversation with you.
No, you haven't.
You just stayed up all night talking,
didn't you?
Yeah, he gave me some
really good advice...
- on medicaI schooI.
- On medicaI schooI?
I figure if you can
reinvent yourself, so can I.
I'm gonna apply.
That is so great.
Welcome back
to the human race.
Thank you, thanks.
And now what about you?
Is the fair the date equivalent
of Discount Darling?
I had a really great time.
Oh, you have a thing
for Eli Wells.
( laughs )
Morgan: I had this turning in my
stomach, then I realized what it was-
I was happy.
Cherry menthoI inside
I found you hiding
In my bedside pocket
Come along for the ride
Cola bottles
and a sherbet rocket
No one knows
What the future holds...
Trudy: Bianca, she does
not want to talk to you,
and I don't blame her.
What in the world is
the matter with you two?
This poor kid's gone
from red carpets to rehab
all before her 17th birthday.
No no, you can't come here
untiI you do some
adult-type growing up.
Well, too bad. No.
- Morgan's voice: I had to admit...
- Good night.
...I was impressed.
She was on my side,
and she wasn't even
taking a percentage.
An actuaI first.
Morgan: Just as I was finally fitting
into Claudia Miller's shoes,
even if they were fugly-
I saw you at the fair,
hooking up with Eli.
There's a name for that, Debbie.
It's called a stalker.
You probably know
all about stalkers, don't you, Morgan?
Morgan's voice:
It took me a second to realize
that she just called me
by my reaI name.
You know, I had my suspicions,
but it seemed impossible,
that whole thing
with "Girls on Top" at the sleepover.
Then last week in film class,
you referred
to Spielberg as Steven.
Are you serious right now?
What the hell
are you doing here?
Researching
for a big movie role?
Debbie, you're crazy.
I'm not Morgan.
Answer me or in minutes
the entire schooI's gonna
know the truth about this.
Okay, come here.
I came here to recover.
It's part of my rehab.
How does Eli fit
into your scheme?
Scheme? It's not a scheme.
I actually really like Eli.
Oh, come on,
you could have Orlando or Justin.
Leave Eli the hell alone.
So that's it? You stay quiet
if I stay away from Eli?
Yeah, and get your bubble-ass
back to LA
where it belongs.
Morgan:
She knows, Sam.
This girI Debbie Ackerson,
she knows.
You were photographed
at a bar holding a drink.
( groans )
I know it sounds totally lame,
but I was holding the drink
for Marissa.
Sam: You know what?
I can't even go there, Morgan.
If you're stupid enough
to start drinking again,
I'm not gonna watch you
destroy yourself twice.
I swear to you, Sam,
I didn't take a drink.
All right, all right.
Okay, I'm on it.
I'll take care of Debbie.
What do you mean?
Are you gonna have her whacked?
Give her cement shoes?
Dump her in the river?
I'm gonna have to send a lawyer
over there with confidentiality papers.
We're gonna have to
buy her off.
You're gonna have to be very carefuI.
Reporters have picked up the scent now.
All right, be very carefuI
and do me a favor:
Watch for people
following you.
Are you serious?
Okay, all right.
Morgan's voice: I had to start
thinking like Morgan Carter again.
( sighs )
Man:
We are prepared to pay you...
$5,000.
- $5,000?
- Mm-hmm.
Gee, Mr. Lawyer,
that's so much money
to little old me.
Who do you think I am?
I read the tabloids.
I watch "Extra. "
Add a zero, buddy.
- $50,000?
- Yeah.
Eli! I got a B minus
on my geometry test!
- What? Yeah!
- I know.
- Yeah!
- It's a freakin' miracle!
I was getting worried
and really starting
to think I was dumb.
Yeah, you're hardly dumb.
I could not have done it
without you.
- ( camera shutter clicks )
- Look at this thing.
( sighs )
( camera shutter clicks )
What's wrong?
- I think I'm being followed.
- Followed by who, your dad?
- Did he hire someone?
- Morgan! Morgan!
- Over here, Morgan!
- ( camera shutter clicking )
Morgan, where have you been?
I couldn't go back to the schooI,
so I went to the one place the press
wouldn't look for me- the mall.
Did you look outside?
Yeah, I think half the free press
is out on my lawn.
( clamoring )
Oh, it's gotten worse.
And Sam called. He said that
he and Bianca are coming to get me.
How do they print this
this fast?
Yeah, I believe that you
literally stopped
the Fort Wayne presses.
Oh, I TiVoed
something earlier.
Prepare yourself.
Man on TV:
... none other than Morgan Carter.
And here's what some of her teachers
and classmates had to say:
I met her on the first day,
and we totally hit it off.
Yeah, in my stomach
with a volleyball.
I feeI like we've all been punked.
Miss Carter has been a wonderfuI
addition to our- my schooI.
Well, her cinematic insights
in my class
were incredible, actually.
- A terrific kid.
- We're close personaI friends.
Well, in fact, we've got a project
in development together.
Love you, Morgan.
This is unbelievable.
Everyone's an actor.
Woman on TV:
Excuse me. Excuse me, Eli. Eli.
- No no no. What are you doing?
- Is it true you were dating Morgan
- and had no idea who she was?
- Excuse us, okay?
Woman:
Did she wear a disguise?
- Can you leave him alone?
- How can you not have known?
Because she lied, okay?
She was really good at it.
Now get out of my way.
- Did you see that look on his face?
- Yeah.
I really hurt him.
You know what I would usually do
in a situation like this
where everything just sucked
and I didn't know what to do?
I'd go out
and get really trashed.
But right now I just care
about Eli and Emily.
God. How do I fix this?
Well, you know, the old Morgan
wouldn't have cared.
This is my home.
I felt like I was part
of something.
I like being anonymous.
I like hanging out with you.
I don't even mind baking.
And I don't mind
doing homework,
and I love going to the fair.
Morgan can't do
any of those things.
Maybe not in the same way.
So it's all over?
Man:
All right, let 'em through.
( crowd shouting )
Oh, great, here they come.
- Sam: Hello!
- Morgan!
Sweetheart, how are you?
I'm terrible, Mom.
How are you?
- Oh, I know we haven't talked-
- Honey, I don't think this is the time.
Actually, you know what, though?
Now is great, so, Mom, let's talk.
Mom, so you and Sam
fell in love
while I was in rehab, and he saw
a totally different side of you.
So when do I get
to see this side?
- I know you're mad about the wedding.
- No, listen, you know what?
Let's shove past it.
Sam's the second-best thing
that's ever happened to me.
I mean, after you, of course.
Enough about me.
Morgan's voice:
I wanted to believe her. I really did,
but somehow I had the feeling
that we both had more
life-work to do,
and she was still wearing
my Quentin Tarantino earrings.
Let's focus here,
'cause Oprah's people already called.
They wanna hear your side of the story.
Plus, Lorne Michaels owes me
a huge favor,
so let's get you
on "Saturday Night Live. "
- Tell her the really big news.
- Big news?
- You ready for this?
- Morgan: I don't know.
- 'Cause you got the part.
- In the Soderbergh film.
- Wait. What?
- Lindsay dropped out!
She's in rehab... again.
And the world
just keeps spinning.
No, Trudy, this is the part
that I really really wanted.
It could change everything
for me as an actress.
Exactly, which is why we gotta get
you out of here and back to LA.
So that's it? You're gonna whisk her
away from all the work she's been doing?
Bianca, this is crazy.
She's just starting to do well.
She's an actor, Tru.
Her life's in Hollywood,
not here.
She spent
her entire childhood working.
Now she has a chance
to be a semi-normaI kid,
- even if it is just for senior year.
- You don't understand the business.
If she misses out on this,
we know she ruins her career forever.
- That's the worst possible scenario?
- That's exactly what that is.
- What about college?
- What is she gonna learn in college?
- Hey hey hey hey!
- Shh shh shh!
Why isn't anyone asking
what I'm thinking?!
- We're listening. We're listening.
- What I need?
I had the stage,
the solo and the monologue,
but I didn't know my lines.
Morgan?
- I-
- Trudy: What do you want, Morgan?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Devon: The paparazzi followed
Morgan's limousine all the way
to a locaI airport, where Morgan,
her mother and her manager
boarded a private jet back
to Hollywood...
I can't believe the news is
actually covering this garbage.
Devon: No one has seen
or heard from Morgan...
Well, the reporters
are finally gone.
Devon: And word has it
Morgan's just been tapped
to star in Steven Soderbergh's
new film.
Think you'll ever
see her again?
No, it was all an act, Em.
Okay? All of it, even me.
( pebble clatters )
- What is it?
- I think it's Morgan Carter
- in our bushes.
- What?
What are you doing?
We just saw you get into a jet on TV.
That was a decoy me.
They do it all the time.
Why don't you go back
to your abusive stalker father?
Come on.
Morgan:
I had to talk to Eli.
Well, I've done it
in the movies enough times.
( wood creaking )
( shouts )
Ah!
What now?
Morgan, are you all right?
Help!
You don't look
too red carpet now.
Can I have five minutes?
And the lies just bloomed
untiI I was completely trapped by them.
I mean, I didn't know who I was,
and I didn't know who to trust.
Debbie found out
and she blackmailed me.
She did?
I know now
I should have trusted you guys.
I'm really sorry.
I really am.
So what are you doing here?
I decided to stay in Fort Wayne...
and finish high schooI.
Be serious.
Everyone will get used to it.
When it's no longer a story,
no one will care.
What about
your Soderbergh movie?
I passed on it.
There will be other roles,
but there won't be
other senior years.
So I want to spend mine here
with Trudy and with you guys.
Whatever.
Eli...
I know you feeI
totally betrayed,
and I get that,
but what I feeI for you
is reaI.
You- you actually care about me.
It wasn't about if I could boost
your press coverage
or how good I look
on your arm, you know, it was-
You helped me and-
and it was just
'cause you wanted to.
And that's why I fell for you.
You know, I can't tell-
I just can't tell
when you're Iying
or acting...
or whatever you call it. It's-
I'm tired.
I should probably turn in.
Emily:
Just give him time.
- You think?
- Yeah.
Maybe. Maybe not.
I'm gonna go, okay?
Okay.
Hi, I'm Mary Kitchen, live here
at Hillhaven High SchooI
where Morgan Carter
has been a student
at our very own
locaI high schooI.
This is insane.
Are you gonna be okay?
Yeah, I have something
for you, though.
- For me?
- Yes.
Good luck in schooI.
- Thank you.
- Oh, are you anti-hug now?
Get over here.
All right, here we go again.
Morgan's voice: It was one thing to go
to high schooI as Claudia Miller.
Now I had to play
the same part as myself.
But I had to admit,
I was pretty terrified.
Woman: Morgan!
Is it true that you're
going back to high schooI?
Morgan, over here, Morgan!
Thank you!
Morgan, over here, Morgan!
( clamoring )
They're all
Looking to find some story
They can tell to sell
The evening shows tonight
Forget about rumors
that you hear...
Hi.
Hey.
They fill the page
with this and that...
Come on, let's get out of here.
Come on.
I'm not afraid
to let you in
'Cause I'm a tough girI,
I've got skin
That's thick enough
to let you see
The good and bad,
yeah, all of me
This is my life
and I'm gonna show you...
Morgan's voice:
There's no script for what comes next.
I'll just have to figure it out.
It's the truth about me.
So this is how it ends.
Me, Morgan Carter,
movie star, stuck in coach
between stinky sandwich man
- and sweaty fat guy.
- No.
- ( man coughs )
- I swear my mother's trying to kill me.
It isn't a pretty story,
except for the clothes,
the parties and the limos.
( rock music playing )
- Now you get alone with me...
- ( whoops )
I'm gonna make you mine
and make you free
In the new world
( cameras clicking )
Crap goes in
and crap goes out
And it makes me scream,
it makes me shout
In the new world...
( girls shouting )
( laughs )
Whoo!
This is my world.
Bye!
( laughing )
- Tell me you did not just do that!
- I totally did!
Man on TV: And here we are live
from the red carpet
for the world premiere of Morgan
Carter's new movie "She's the Bomb. "
Now Morgan's set
to be here at any minute.
You know what? After a series
of high-profile breakups,
it's anybody's guess
who will be Morgan's date tonight.
You're my mystery date.
It looks like her car is coming up
around the corner right now.
Everybody wants a piece
of her tonight.
- I'm famous.
- So so famous.
We're gonna have the exclusive
interview with Morgan.
- Let's do it!
- Man: Here's all the paparazzi.
- Easy, guys, easy. Here, hang on.
- ( crowd screaming )
Here we go again.
- Man: Hey, Morgan- oh!
- Ooof!
- ( crowd gasps )
- Morgan!
How excited are you
to be here this evening?
I'm so excited that my best friend
Marissa DahI is here tonight.
And now for our "Star Report. "
Rumors abound
that Morgan Carter
who collapsed outside
a Hollywood nightclub four months ago
- is leaving rehab sometime this week.
- Turn it off.
The name of the facility is
still a closely-guarded secret.
Everyone is dying to know:
- Is Morgan all cleaned up...
- Sam, turn it off.
...or messed up?
The good news is
they're still talking about her.
Spun like a true manager.
I'm trying, but this has happened
too many times.
The studios are not gonna touch her
untiI convinced her recovery's reaI.
Let's open with that
when we see her.
- I'm just saying.
- I'm going in first.
Oh my God.
This place is so depressing.
Sam: You think?
- Hi, honey.
- Oh, yes!
The Bianca has arrived
to spring me.
- I hate it when you call me that.
- It's good to see you, too.
Why are you sitting?
Come on, let's go.
- We need to talk.
- Why start now, Mom?
Okay, between the clubbing
and the paparazzi
and the Perez Hiltons,
it is impossible for you
to recover in this town.
Whatever.
Listen, I just wanna go
to the salon and then the spa. I mean-
Okay, Morgan honey,
you're not going to the spa.
In fact,
you're not going home.
Sam:
Where are you guys?
- Sam! My awesome manager.
- Where's my Morgan?
Sam, all right, let's step out.
This is too much.
So your mother and I
have decided
that you should go and stay
with your Aunt Trudy for a while.
What the hell are
you talking about?
- Your Aunt Trudy-
- She isn't even my reaI aunt.
She's some obscure friend
of Bianca's from high schooI
- and she lives in purgatory.
- Fort Wayne, Indiana.
- Same thing.
- Sam: Nevertheless,
you will be living there
and going to schooI there.
Going to schooI?
A public schooI? Are you lit?
I'll get mobbed
by the press.
Yeah, we thought of that.
We thought of that,
so while you are in Fort Wayne,
you are not Morgan Carter,
you are-
are you ready for this?
you are Claudia Miller.
And no one's gonna
recognize you as a brunette.
- This is great, huh?
- Huh!
Sam: Huh?
I get it.
( sighs )
I'm on some reality show, right?
Hidden cameras...
( exhales, clears throat )
- So you guys are serious?
- Both: Mm-hmm.
For how long?
As long as it takes, Morgan.
- Oh my God. What is this?
- Bianca: New luggage.
Average 17-year-olds
don't carry Louis Vuitton bags.
- Earrings.
- Quentin Tarantino gave these to me.
Exactly.
She'll be wearing these
by tonight.
I guess this means I'm not
getting the Soderbergh film.
Sam: He didn't think
you were right for the part.
Sam, the part is
a teen alcoholic.
They're thinking of aging it up,
you know, rewriting it for Will Ferrell.
- I'm not gonna go.
- You shut down your last film.
Nobody's gonna touch you
right now. Do you understand that?
"Coach"?
I make $5 million a film
and I'm flying coach?
Claudia Miller has a budget.
Claudia Miller flies coach.
Well, I hate her already.
- Give her a chance.
- Bye, darling. Mommy loves you.
- This is a bad idea.
- Bianca, please.
Bianca: This is a bad idea. She's been
working since she was 5 years old.
She's had stylists,
publicists, assistants.
I'm not sure she can function
in the reaI world.
Give her a chance.
( pop rock music playing )
SOS, please
someone help me
It's not healthy
for me to feeI this way
Oh, you are making
this hard
I can't take it,
see, it don't feeI right
SOS, please
someone help me...
Morgan's voice: I had arrived
in extreme suburbia as part
of the witless protection program.
Whoa!
You are making this hard
This time please someone
come and rescue me
'Cause you on my mind
has got me losing it...
I got sober for this.
You're here!
How was your flight?
I died twice in my mind.
Yeah, I hate to fly.
Well, welcome.
- Anti-hug?
- Yes, I am.
Well, you go ahead in
and I'II-
yeah, I'll get your bags.
Morgan's voice: The last time
I saw Aunt Trudy I was 5 years old.
She's now divorced
and works as a plant lady,
though her house is
suspiciously devoid
of plants
and other living things.
Her decor is more like
Willy Wonka on acid.
Come on in.
I'll give you a little minitour, okay?
Okay, great.
Morgan's voice: I mean, there were
multicolored polka dots everywhere,
even on the ceiling.
- And oh, my God, that clock.
- Made it myself.
Morgan's voice:
And it seems to be made out of-
Licorice.
Of course, who doesn't need
edible wall art?
I'm living with a 14-year-old.
Kitchen. You can help yourself
to anything, okay?
Morgan's voice: Correction.
I'm living with a 10-year-old.
My room has
rainbow-striped walls,
a closet that wouldn't even fit
my Dolce & Gabbanas
and Pepto-colored sheets
with happy little butterflies
and no thread count.
So go ahead and settle in.
Take a nap if you like.
Your mom gave me some money
for schooI clothes,
so we'll hit the mall later.
Morgan's voice:
How can they expect me to live
in the Tim Burton version
of suburbia?
Sober no less?
I'm a pleasure-seeker
Shopping for a new distraction
I'm a pleasure-seeker looking
for some platinum action
I'm a pleasure-seeker
moving to the music
I'm a pleasure-seeker looking
for the reaI thing
Candelabras
in a Wonderbra
Dress Barn runway-
a reaI draw...
- Ooh!
- Faster, pussycat...
The new Stuart Weitzman shoes!
Wow, I saw these during
New York Fashion Week
and they're beautifuI.
- $325.
- Yeah, you should get a pair, too.
I could buy a hundred flip-flops
for that amount of money.
Anyway, your mom
only gave me $500 for everything.
( chuckles )
( telephone rings )
Hello.
I cannot buy
a new wardrobe and shoes
for 500 freaking dollars.
$500 is a lot of money, Morgan.
Let's be reaI, Mom. Every time you walk
into a store, you spend double that.
That is so not the point. You've only
been in Fort Wayne for half a day.
- Why don't you trying fitting in?
- Thanks for calling me, by the way.
I figured you'd call me.
Which I just did to tell you
that I need more money.
No.
"No"? What do you mean "No"?
It's my money.
I earned it.
What the hell am I supposed
to do here?
- Figure it out.
- ( beeps )
She hung up on me.
I'm broke,
stranded in a flyover state,
with no stylist
and she hung up on me.
Then lunch is on me.
I think it's safe
to lose the sunglasses and hat.
Are you serious? I'll be signing
autographs for, like, an hour.
Cashier:
May I take your order?
- Do you have a carb-free burger?
- Nope.
How about anything
with a fat content under 20%?
No idea.
Okay.
I'll just have a garden salad.
Our salads have
sugar in them.
( clears throat )
Whatever,
I'll have a burger...
with everything on the side,
even the bun.
I don't have a button
for that.
Stan!
She wants a burger
with everything on the side,
including the bun.
We don't have
a button for that.
No one recognized me.
How insane is that?
Well, I guess your disguise
is working then, huh?
Where the hell
am I supposed to shop?
There.
I'd rather go naked.
Listen, while I totally
respect your taste
in shoes and clothes,
you're shopping like Morgan Carter.
- I am Morgan Carter.
- Claudia Miller might just
like Discount Darling.
( clears throat )
Claudia Miller did not love
Discount Darling
but, to my horror,
she did shop there.
And she has terrible taste.
- How's it going?
- It's going.
How long have you
been divorced again?
A year, why?
Are you hoping he'll come back
for his favorite shirts?
I forgot about these.
Morgan's voice: Maybe someone
other than me is having issues.
So why did you get divorced?
- Rather not talk about it.
- Well, I'd rather not be here.
Well, then looks like
we're stuck then, eh?
I guess we are.
You know, you probably should
have gotten a backpack.
A backpack?
Actually, Claudia Miller
might carry a backpack
to go with her fugly shoes.
Have you ever been
to a reaI high schooI?
Does my starring role
in "She's the Bomb" count?
( chuckles ) No.
( growls )
How's that for luck?
The traffic's all backed up
And I'm 47 minutes late
What a great way
to start the day
Well, enough's enough
and now I'm all worked up
And my head's about
to explode
I'm freaking out
even though I know
I know there's only
so much I can do
There's only so much
I can say
There's only
so much I can be
At the end of the day...
Give it here, stupid.
Let me do it right.
- I was just trying to-
- Don't touch anything.
But we're supposed
to be partners.
Can I have a new partner?
Claudia Miller, I am transferring you
to freshman math.
Your geometry skills
are severely lacking.
So your homework is
to watch a lowbrow comedy
and then write an essay about
the elements that make it lowbrow-
Morgan's voice: Did I mention
that this guy's a totaI wanker
complete with a fake accent
like the one Madonna got
after she became British?
he elements that give the genre
its characteristic traits,
like cinema verite,
something like that-
the plot,
the gags,
the slapstick.
Yes?
What exactly do you
consider lowbrow?
Anything by the
Farrelly brothers.
Yeah, they're definitely the kings
of gross-out humor
but haven't
they made an art of it?
Well, that would depend
on whether you consider
semen jokes art.
Wasn't there a time when Shakespeare
would have been considered lowbrow?
Yes, but that is theater.
Now you're essay should not
only include the elements-
I think I've heard
enough from you.
Let's give someone else
a chance.
Your essay should include-
where are you going?
- The bathroom.
- No. Sit.
No?
Class is almost over. Sit.
Morgan: What the hell?
I need permission to go to the bathroom?
Okay.
Morgan's voice:
Starch starch
starch, grease.
Lunch in the cafeteria of doom.
Who eats this stuff?
$1.50.
Oh, I don't have money.
I mean, I have money.
I have lots of money,
but I just- can I sign for it?
Next!
GirI:
You are not wearing that!
GirI #2: I am, too!
Morgan: In the movies,
mean but beautifuI schooI princess,
usually played by me,
approaches the new girI
and says something like,
"Hey, you're new, right?"
Ominous music plays
and odds are that the new girI
is about the steaI the princess's
boyfriend or homecoming title.
Hey. I'm new.
Morgan: In the reaI world,
no one talks to the new girI.
And you might as well
have written "new girI"
on my forehead
with a Sharpie.
She's delusionaI
and he is way too hot for her.
Morgan:
There's our princess now.
Excuse me.
Is this yours?
Where did you get this?
The floor.
GirI #3:
You're kidding me. For reaI?
GirI #4:
Okay, that was weird.
Who is she?
GirI #4:
No idea. I don't get it.
Morgan:
And the new girI strikes out again.
Let's go talk to her.
( clears throat ) Hey.
My mom would have killed me.
Thanks.
No problem.
And you are?
Claudia Miller, new girI.
I saw you this morning
in chemistry.
Yeah, my lab partner wants
to deport me.
Yeah, well, some people
aren't so friendly.
Morgan:
It was actually going pretty okay.
She was testing me,
and I was passing.
You think?
- Morgan's voice: And then...
- Where did you get those jeans
and those dorky shoes?
Were you dumpster diving?
Oh, no, I borrowed them
from your mother.
Watch your mouth,
welfare baby.
( students laughing, gasping )
Morgan:
And just like that,
me who wears and personally
knows Donatella Versace
was rejected for my clothes
and bad shoes.
No longer
in the starring role,
I had become
an extra in my own life,
and I needed a drink...
yesterday.
Morgan's voice: In Los Angeles,
AA meetings are like
having lunch with your agent-
everybody does it.
It would be so much easier
to go inside if I had a drink first.
Which is why
you have to go inside.
Maybe we could just go
hang out somewhere instead.
- I gotta work.
- This is really what you do?
You spend your time alone
in empty offices watering plants?
Sometimes
I even speak to them.
What kind of
a lame career is that?
Okay, look, in the reaI world
there's this thing called a filter.
Use it before you speak.
Now go inside.
But what if someone
recognizes me, seriously?
I mean, I doubt for a minute
they'll honor the anonymous part.
They'll take out
their cell phones, take a picture-
Are you wearing panties?
Hey, I watch "Entertainment Tonight. "
You'll be fine.
Well, thanks for the help.
- Get me out of here.
- Sam: Remember what we talked about.
Just pretend
you're playing a role.
I'm miscast.
Excuse me.
Cell phones aren't allowed in here.
- Help me.
- Morgan, you're strong.
Come on, Sam!
Okay, everyone, let's get started
by welcoming our newcomers
and having them make
a brief introduction.
Hi.
My name is Morgan,
and I'm an alcoholic.
AII: Hi, Morgan.
Morgan:
I had one line, and I blew it.
Claudia, I'm sorry.
Morgan is actually a nickname
and, you know, Claudia's on
my birth certificate and everything,
so call me Claudia.
AII: Hi, Claudia.
Morgan's voice:
I was sure one of the two twins
was going to scream out
my true identity...
I've been sober
for 121 days.
...but they didn't.
No one screamed anything.
Thank you, Claudia.
Okay, so is there anyone
this evening
who is ready to receive-
Morgan's voice:
I needed a drink.
And I needed to talk
to Marissa,
but Sam and Bianca said no.
Morgan: It's a stupid rule.
I should be able to talk to my friend.
There must be
a reason for it.
Morgan: I'm not supposed to have
contact yet with those who enabled me.
Yeah, be carefuI. I had friends
like that. They're called enemies.
Marissa is my best friend.
You do your own nails?
Yeah. I could do yours.
No, I have people
who come to the house.
We're back live from the red carpet,
and here we have Marissa DahI.
Oh my God. Speaking of-
that's her right now. Turn it up.
Marissa, how are you doing?
You look great. I have a question here.
I have been hearing that you've
been cast as the new Aqua GirI.
- Marissa: I can't believe it.
- Neither can I.
I mean, I'm really just
in such shock.
I grew up reading Aqua GirI,
and now I get to be her.
Word is you beat out
Sarah Michelle Gellar.
Everybody wanted the part.
- I mean, who wouldn't, right?
- ( beeping )
- Man: Enjoy your night.
- Marissa: Thank you.
- Marissa!
- Man: This is not Marissa.
- Who is this?
- This is her assistant Troy.
- Who is this?
- This is Claudia- this is Morgan.
Troy: She doesn't know
any Claudia Morgan.
I want to talk to Marissa.
Troy: Okay, can I tell her
what this is regarding?
Morgan:
I'll call her back.
That was her assistant.
Since when does she have
an assistant?
I have ice cream.
No, I am not becoming
a junk-food addict like you.
( sighs )
What are you doing?
I am throwing out
these horrifying clothes!
Unlike you,
I take immediate action.
And unlike you, I donate.
Here, tell you what:
why don't you just take out the trash?
You want me
to take out the trash?
Yes.
At home, when my assistant
put out my trash,
the paparazzi would go through it.
This is why God invented shredders.
And that's the nice thing
about living here.
Your trash is safe.
Grasp the little yellow handles,
cinch to close, pull,
remove to curbside.
Funny.
Ah! I hate this.
Marissa's a star,
and I am taking out the trash.
It's so unfair.
You ride.
You take out the trash?
It's my favorite.
Very nice bike.
So you read Shakespeare,
you get A's
and you ride a vintage Harley.
It's not mine.
I fix 'em.
You're a mechanic?
Yeah, I also detaiI.
You're like "American Chopper"
meets "Monster Garage. "
What's that,
code for something?
Reality TV.
Oh. I don't watch reality TV.
You don't watch reality TV?
Nope, I read.
Morgan's voice: Okay,
stop me here, but mechanics are hot.
- See ya.
- Later.
Morgan's voice: He reads.
He fixes stuff.
He's like a Renaissance man.
The internet- the only place
where Morgan Carter
exists these days.
Maybe Perez can help solve
my current existentiaI crisis,
or at least remind me
of who I used to be.
"Dead?"
They think I'm dead.
Well, my career is totally dead,
which I guess in Hollywood
is the same thing.
Hello.
- Hey, you hungry?
- No.
- Where's your dog?
- What?
Uh, the screensaver. Dogs.
Oh, yeah,
he took the dog.
Bye-bye.
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, we had a cute dog trainer.
The dog was badly trained.
Now I know why.
So what are you saying, your husband
left you for a dog trainer?
Yeah.
- Now I get to ask you a question.
- Okay.
When did you start drinking?
Hmm...
I don't even remember starting,
but I just really liked the feeling,
so I didn't wanna stop.
I'm really sorry for the things
I said earlier and my behavior-
No- hey, it's a big,
loud world, sweetheart.
It's already forgotten.
I wish everything was.
Huh.
I'm really tired.
I'm gonna go to sleep.
Okay.
Good night.
We all know how
reality bites
And sticks its claws down deep
in your brain...
- Next!
- Morgan's voice: I paid for my lunch,
which gave me a ridiculous sense
of accomplishment.
How pathetic is that?
I'm a new girI
In a big world
It's amazing
It's so crazy
I'm a new girI,
I'm the new girI...
So what did you write about
for film class?
Oh, "Something About Mary. "
I compared the musicaI narration
to the narratives
- in Shakespeare's play.
- Perfect. He'll hate it.
- This is my sister Emily.
- Oh.
Hi. Claudia, right?
I saw you when you registered.
You signed up for volleyball.
It was the only sport left.
Yeah, I've got it too.
We're the only non-Amazons.
- Are you serious?
- So did you just move here?
Morgan's voice:
Finally, a chance to use the backstory
- I made up on the plane.
- I moved from New York.
I'm living
with my Aunt Trudy.
I kind of fell in
with the wrong crowd at my old schooI.
- Has anyone read chapter eight yet?
- I read the book.
He finishes all
his assignments early.
Leaves more time for life.
Morgan: Life?
There isn't even a club in this town.
So what's fun
to do around here?
- Boy: Hey, Eli!
- Lots of stuff.
You just gotta know
where to look. What up?
So are you liking Hillhaven?
It's bigger
than my last schooI.
There's a lot more kids,
so I'm just-
I'm getting used to that.
( indistinct conversations )
Aren't you a little young
to be divorced?
Divorced? No, I'm-
This is my niece Claudia. She's staying
with me for a little while.
Hi, Claudia.
This is my women's
divorce support group,
but most of them come
because they like my satellite dish.
Sad but true.
- There's more drinks in the kitchen.
- Okay.
- She's adorable.
- Yeah, she is.
- She's a doll.
- Cute as a button.
Okay, so anyone wanna talk
about their divorce?
- Not really.
- No.
- Once again, no. Okay.
- ( click )
I hope this isn't
the Angelina Jolie one.
I've seen it twice.
If Angelina stole my husband,
I'd think it was an act of God.
Dayna Devon on TV:
... "Girls Gone Wild" 24/7.
We all know Britney.
We all know Lindsay and Nicole.
Here we go again.
Is Morgan Carter
the latest train wreck?
When you're Morgan Carter,
the paparazzi catches your every move...
- Where are these people's parents?
- Devon: She may be only 17,
but that doesn't mean
she can't party like a rock star.
She really knows how
to mix things up to keep it exciting,
- and then...
- Excuse me!
...there was that life-changing
night outside the club.
Morgan on TV:
Dude, get a life! Get a life!
Get a life!
You make me sick!
Morgan, Morgan, wake up.
She's not moving!
Can somebody go get somebody?
( men and women shouting )
Marissa:
Somebody go call 911 now!
( shouting continuing )
( siren wailing on TV )
She's not breathing.
She's not-
somebody do something!
Morgan didn't die that night,
and while reports claim
that Morgan's been released
from rehab,
she's all but disappeared...
How long was
she in rehab for, a day?
Devon: So where in the world
is Morgan Carter
and who will be
the next to fall?
- Up next, celebrity-
- ( turns TV off )
She's having a rough time
in schooI. New girI.
New girI's the worst.
- ( rings )
- Sam on voicemaiI: It's Sam.
- You know what to do.
- ( beeps )
Sam- Sam, it's me.
Listen, I really need
to talk to you.
I just saw-
listen, I understand
why you sent me here,
and you've guided me through
every step of my career,
but this is really
not working at all.
Can you call me, please?
Just call me.
- ( beeps )
- ( knocks on door )
He wasn't there?
Sam was the first person I saw
when I woke up in the hospitaI.
He's the only reason I'm alive.
What about your mom?
Bianca?
Bianca's... whatever.
She's not always around.
At first she was
when I was really little,
but then she hired people for that
and started dating... a lot...
and traveling and...
stuff.
What was my mom like before?
I have a really hard time
picturing you two as friends.
Hang on.
We were the popular girls.
We ruled high schooI
with our big hair
and shoulder pads.
Your mom dated everyone,
but I just dated the quarterback.
I was so in love with him.
Aw. So what happened?
He got a scholarship
to Florida State,
so I followed him.
I was pre-med.
- You were gonna be a doctor?
- Yeah, hard to believe, huh?
Now the closest I get
is watching "Grey's Anatomy. "
Anyway, he blew out his knee
and the only job he could find
was as a high schooI coach
up here in Fort Wayne,
so I quit college
and came with him.
That's not a very good story.
Nope.
Meanwhile, your mom was traveling
the country, winning pageants.
- Right, the pageant queen.
- Mm-hmm.
She thought it was
her ticket to Hollywood,
- that she would become-
- Me.
Yeah.
She was on "GeneraI HospitaI"
playing a nurse for, like, a week,
and that's when she met
the sperm donor.
I don't think she even
got my dad's reaI name.
Listen, honey,
your mom was confused
for a long time,
but I really do think
she's trying to sort it all out now.
Maybe.
You okay?
Yeah.
I gotta make
a nacho refresher.
No, good. You should.
( beeping )
( rings )
Bianca's voice: This is Bianca.
You know what to do.
- ( beeps )
- Hey, Mom.
It's me your daughter.
I just wanted to call, check-in
and I wanted to say that I...
( beeps )
...miss you.
( gasps ) Ah!
Damn! Why didn't you wake me?
I'm gonna be late.
If I'm late again, they're gonna
make me scrub gum off the concrete.
- Claudia!
- What?
It's Saturday.
Oh.
I can get two sweaters for $40?
What's the catch?
There's no catch.
The miracle of discount shopping.
I can see why Martha Stewart
loves this place.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
Ooh!
Hey, this shirt is perfect for you.
I don't think so.
I do.
Chest advertising is a great way
to meet really nice guys.
And that way you can start spending
less time with plant materiaI.
Well, thank you. No.
Thank you, yes.
I called Sam five times and he didn't
call me back. Is he mad at me?
I think he's just trying
to give you your space,
- let you make your own decisions.
- Did he say that?
I haven't spoken to either of them
since your mom sent me the money.
Morgan:
What is this?
This has nothing
to do with a bomb.
There's not even a bomb
in this movie.
They totally changed
the ad for the DVD.
This looks like "Mean Girls"
meets "Die Hard. "
( panting )
Everything I worked for,
everything is gone.
It's just a movie, come on.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
( panting )
You're gonna start hyperventilating.
Here, here. Breathe into this.
- ( breathing )
- Breathe.
Morgan:
So there you have it.
Right in the middle
of aisle five,
a discount breakdown.
( Sappey vocalizing )
For some of you,
I don't think that we are
in Kansas anymore.
Ouch.
Let me give you a piece
of advice, Claudia.
You have to figure out
what he wants to hear
and then give it to him.
You clearly don't have
a clue about film.
New essay topic, people:
The difference
between movies and film.
I really thought it was
the one class I would do well in.
I'm failing geometry and chemistry,
but film class? He hates me.
Hey, Eli, you coming?
- No, go on ahead. It's cooI.
- Okay.
You know, this is pretty good.
You just need some
supporting statements, like-
quote Richard SchickeI.
Sappey'II love it.
Yeah, SchickeI.
Good idea.
- You know who SchickeI is?
- Yeah, "Time" magazine,
one of the nation's
most influentiaI film critics.
I'm only partly hopeless.
All right, then you know
if he gives you a bad grade,
you know it's personaI.
If you want me to boost you
in geometry and chemistry, that's cooI.
Boost me?
You hardly know me?
- Tutor you.
- Oh, okay.
See, I'm hopeless,
but no, yeah, that sounds good.
- All right. See ya.
- Bye.
( woman blows whistle ) Okay, ladies,
we're gonna run the practice drill.
So what's up with the blue
and gold everywhere?
SchooI colors.
I'm loving the shorts,
by the way.
These are improved. You should have
seen the ones that went below the knee.
Sexy.
I hear they buy
the shorts the same place
you get your jeans, actually.
Is that right next to the Bargain Cuts
where you get your hair bleached?
( girls laughing )
( woman blows whistle )
Okay, let's take your positions.
Emily's team- digs and returns.
Julie's team- sets and spikes.
Morgan: Spike? The only thing
I know how to spike is a drink.
- ( blows whistle )
- Here we go, girls!
Morgan: I just have to remind myself
I'm Morgan Carter,
the second-youngest actress
ever nominated
for an Academy Award.
- Nice setup!
- Go for it!
( grunts )
( gasping )
- Mother-
- ( blows whistle )
You bitch! You bitch! You bitch!
What the-
( blowing whistle )
It hurts. What the-
you dumb bitch!
- Red card? How does that-
- Miller, to the principaI's office now.
I've gotten severaI reports
about you over the past two weeks,
none of them positive.
Four tardies, low grades
and now this outburst.
Ms. Miller- Claudia...
your job right now
is to be on time,
study hard
and discover your speciaI skill, hmm?
Morgan:
My skill is acting,
like right now.
If you don't pull up your averages,
you'll faiI your senior year.
- FaiI?
- You need to start applying yourself
and cease with the outbursts.
I'd like to hear it from you.
No more outbursts...
even if someone is trying
to maim me with a volleyball.
( screams )
Lindsay got the Soderbergh film?
That's impossible!
Sorry.
I can't believe it.
I'm washed up at 17.
- Claudia, talking to yourself?
- Oh my God.
You bipolar or just
everyday-average screwed up?
Door number two, I think.
Morgan:
Sam, Sam, Sam, it's me.
Sam, the point is the principaI
made me feeI like a totaI imbecile.
Get me out of here.
Call me, okay?
You know what?
I'm becoming very concerned
that my comeback will be
as a "SurreaI Life" cast member.
- So seriously, call me.
- ( beeps )
No one is washed up at 17.
We're baking.
What's with all the baking
and the junk food?
It's called avoidance,
and it's terrific.
You should try it sometime.
I have. It's called drinking.
Maybe we're not that different.
( laughs )
Maybe. Read.
You need an egg
and some bowls-
The bowls are over there.
I need two of them.
Okay. I'm bored already.
Do you ever think
about your stuff for reaI?
What, you mean like the fact
that my husband came downstairs,
ate a bowI of cereaI,
like every morning,
and then announced that he was
leaving me for the dog trainer?
Yeah, I think about it.
Then I think about the fact that he
actually left the bowI for me to wash.
Okay, what about the rest
of it, though?
You wanted to be a doctor.
You wanted to go to medicaI schooI.
- Nah, that ship sailed.
- That's it?
You're just gonna water plants
for the rest of your life?
I ask because- I mean,
in rehab we learned all about...
facing your fears
and chasing them down.
My greatest fear is that
I can't act anymore
and no one would care.
And then it happened.
Just because you're not acting
doesn't make you irrelevant.
Not according to the principaI
or to my mother
or apparently to Sam.
I just don't think
I can do anything else.
Listen, I know it doesn't feeI
like it right this second,
but you have only lived
a very small sliver
of your life.
Well, look who's talking.
Come on, when I was your age I wanted
everything right then and there.
I was racing
toward that finish line
and I ended up
messing it all up.
- You're 17.
- What does that mean?
- It means be 17 for a little while.
- Oh!
( doorbell rings )
Could that be another divorcee
seeking nachos?
( Trudy chuckles )
Oh, hi, come on in.
Claudia!
Hi.
Hey, Emily,
what are you doing here?
I wanted to make sure you'd recovered
from the attack of the Amazon woman.
Are you okay?
Morgan's voice: It was like a scene
out of "7th Heaven" or something.
She acted like she really cared,
which confused me.
Emily, nice to meet you.
Don't be a stranger.
Okay.
I also wanted to invite you
to my sleepover on Friday.
That's really sweet.
Sleepovers aren't really
my thing, though, but thank you.
Sometimes I get the feeling
that you don't really
wanna be my friend.
It's not true. I just-
I have a hard time
trusting people.
Don't tell anyone,
but my best friend from my old schooI,
she stole a bunch of SAT questions
and then she blamed it on me.
Oh my God.
Did you get expelled?
Let's just say it's a big part
of the reason I'm here.
Well, I won't tell anyone.
Pinkie promise.
Thank you.
Anyway, think about the party.
It'll be a really cooI time.
I will. I will think about it.
Emily, you know what?
I thought about it,
and it sounds like it'll be fun,
you know, whatever.
- Let's give it a shot.
- Yes!
We're gonna have
so much fun.
Yes, it'll be great.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Morgan's voice:
My first sleepover.
Strike that.
My first unscripted one.
( doorbell rings )
- Hi!
- Hey!
We just turned
Bethany's hair blue.
Morgan: Not exactly the kind of girls
I would have hung with at home.
I mean, I used to party
with princesses,
actuaI princesses.
I can't believe I let Trudy
talk me into this.
It could be worse.
I bet I'd have more fun chaperoning
her hot date watering begonias
or whatever it is she does.
If Trudy spent as much time
around people as she did plants,
maybe she'd have a date
with a reaI live human once in a while.
Oh.
Truth or dare?
What's the furthest you've gone
with a guy? Debbie.
Second.
- Okay, maybe third base.
- Emily: What?
Wait. What do you mean maybe?
Don't you know?
I only answer
one question per turn.
So truth or dare?
Truth.
Okay, is it true you got kicked out
of your old schooI
for doing your boyfriend
in the cafeteria?
Debbie.
No. Who told you that?
It's a hot rumor.
I heard it, too.
So then why did you
get kicked out?
I only answer
one question per turn.
I dare you to tell everyone
who you have a crush on at schooI.
At Hillhaven?
I don't have a crush on anyone.
Really? No one?
Morgan:
This girI was starting to bug.
- Liar.
- My instinct was to pounce on her.
Instead, I unfortunately said...
Besides,
I already have a boyfriend.
Girls: You do?
Morgan:
Crap, why did I say that?
You're Iying.
What's his name?
Evan Walsh.
- ( laughing )
- Evan Walsh, the actor?
Morgan:
Why couldn't I say "Joe Smith"?
Joe Smith was
the obvious answer.
No, they have the same name, but they're
obviously not the same person.
- Both: Yeah.
- I didn't think so.
I mean,
you dating Evan Walsh,
the actor. That's funny.
- Eli.
- Oh! Hey, Eli.
Hey, Debbie, Bethany.
- Emily: Girls' night.
- Hey, Claudia.
Hi.
And suddenly, all became clear
in Debbie's tiny little world.
She crushed on Eli,
and she worried
about the new girI- me-
riding off
into the sunset with him.
Okay, who wants
to watch a movie?
- Me.
- Morgan's voice: Anything to end
the Spanish
Fort Wayne Inquisition.
Okay, we've got "Go Panthers,"
"Bring It On," "Legally Blonde"
and "Girls on Top. "
Morgan:
And there it was, with my face
Taking up exactly 33%
of the DVD cover
Yes, exactly 33%.
It was in my contract
Let's watch "Go Panthers. "
Isn't that the girI that ODed-
Megan Carter?
Morgan Carter.
Yeah, that's her.
Let's watch "Legally Blonde. "
That's one of my favorite movies.
Yeah, and who gets implants at 13?
Debbie: Yeah, I mean,
and she can't even act.
I mean, I'm a better actress
than she is.
Well, I think she's really good.
If she's so great,
then why was she hooked on heroin?
It wasn't heroin!
It was alcohoI.
I read somewhere.
Hey, Claudia,
you kind of look like her.
Morgan:
Not now, please not now.
I don't think so.
Morgan's a blonde.
Yeah.
And not to mention,
she's twice the bra size.
And also she's way skinnier.
No offense, Claudia.
None taken.
Where's your bathroom?
Morgan's voice: Okay, so I had
gained some weight in rehab
and at Trudy's.
No.
But had I lost my breasts?
What the hell was going on?
Was I still Morgan
or was I really Claudia?
You don't have
a cigarette, do you?
Forget cigarettes.
I don't get you,
'cause you seem to like it here.
I mean,
you seem to be okay.
As opposed to...?
Tearing down the walls,
drinking till you fall over.
I think you want the guys
who hang out behind the 7-11.
Look up.
What do you see?
Nothing.
Eli: The sky.
I went to New York one time.
I looked up...
and I saw buildings.
The sky was crowded.
I don't know.
I like it here.
I never look up.
See those little dots up there?
Called stars.
Heard you got sent
to the principaI's office.
Yeah.
Eli: Hey, maybe we can start
that tutoring we talked about.
That's a great idea.
What's a great idea?
Eli:
Tutoring Claudia.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Tomorrow. Try not to tear down
any walls in the meantime.
Okay.
Here's the thing, Claudia:
I like Eli, and we've been friends
for a very long time,
and it's going to
the next leveI.
The next lev-
does he know that?
I'm serious.
Stay away from him.
Morgan's voice:
It was such cliched dialogue,
I couldn't believe
it was still being used.
I'm serious.
Find somebody else to play with,
or maybe you should go call
your fake boyfriend.
Anything to get away
from you, freak girI.
( phone beeping )
( rings )
Bianca's voice: This is Bianca.
You know what to do.
- ( beep )
- Pick up. Pick up.
Just pick up,
pick up, pick up.
- Pick up.
- ( beep )
Sam: Hello.
I'm looking for Bianca Carter.
Who is this?
Sam:
This is her husband. Who's this?
Husband?
This is her daughter.
Oh my God.
Oh God, oh God, oh God.
Sam?
Is that you?
Sam! Sam!
Sam, Sam, Sam,
talk to me.
What is- what is going on?
Sam, Sam, Sam!
Morgan... honey.
Did you get married?
Did you marry Sam?
Okay, calm down, Morgan.
You got married
without even telling me.
When did this happen?
Bianca: Last week.
We didn't want to tell you
because we didn't want
to mess with your recovery.
You're making this about me?
How dare you?
- This has nothing to do with me!
- Hold on. Sam wants to talk to you.
She's yelling at me.
DeaI with her.
Morgan sweetheart,
don't be angry with us,
because we didn't mean
to fall in love.
- We just- it just happened.
- Sam, this-
- this is bull!
- ( phone thuds )
Morgan: Sam didn't ship me off
to Fort Lame because he cared about me.
He did it so he could marry
my spoiled brat of a mother
without me knowing.
( phone rings )
Is it possible that Sam had
actually fallen in love with her?
Face down
One hand tied
to the anchor
And we're reaching
for the sky
Hope we don't drown
Don't drown
Do I really wanna...
Morgan: Truth is,
I had been expelled from their lives.
( ringing )
I've seen too many birds
shot down
Too many birds shot down
Too many birds...
Morgan's voice:
And now I was totally,
utterly alone.
- Hold on, there's a storm coming...
- ( phone crashes )
Stay face down
Face down.
Morgan, why'd you skip
the sleepover?
Morgan.
Morgan, honey. Morgan.
Trudy, hey.
You scared the hell out of me.
Yeah, well,
sorry about that.
You wanna tell me what the hell
this is about?
You we're the diversion.
Just keep her busy,
go off and get married,
and I'm supposed
to be the actress, you know?
But you're really good.
What? What are you telling me?
Your mom got married?
To Sam.
They told me last night.
- I didn't know anything about it.
- Right.
- I have no reason to lie to you.
- Well, that'd be a first.
Well, congratulations.
You finally did it.
You were just looking for an excuse
to drink and you found it.
You have no idea
what I've just been through.
Really? Really?
Well, I'll tell you what I do know.
You have been wandering
around here
like this is some great big joke waiting
for Hollywood Sam to come rescue you,
but that's not
gonna happen now, is it?
Okay, decision time, Claudia, Morgan,
whoever the hell you wanna be!
Which is it?
Which character?
What do you,
for reaI, actually care about?
- ( retching )
- ( water running )
Morgan:
What do I care about?
- What do I care about?
- ( doorbell rings )
Morgan:
Okay, no, that has to stop.
( doorbell ringing )
Morgan:
Seriously, stop.
( doorbell continues ringing )
( ringing stops )
- Morgan: Better.
- ( knocking )
Or not.
Please make me evaporate.
Hey.
Cut out on my sister's party.
She's pretty twisted about it.
You look like crap.
Aren't you a big ray of sunshine?
- What's wrong with you?
- Pick a category.
Oh.
Got it.
Eli, Eli, wait.
Please.
There's a lot that
you don't know about me.
I told everyone that I moved here
to make a fresh start,
but that's really only part
of the story.
Okay.
Listen, if I tell you something,
you have to promise not to tell anyone,
not even Emily.
Okay, try me.
I'm here because I-
because I'm in hiding.
- Hiding?
- Sort of.
From what?
My father's crazy.
He's really crazy,
and he gets very violent.
He used to hit me
and my mom.
What?
Morgan's voice:
I just couldn't chance it.
So instead, I borrowed the plot
from my Lifetime movie
"My Father, My Stranger. "
One time he broke my nose.
- What?
- My mom left him,
and the judge gave her
full custody,
but then he faked his own death
and he started following me around
in a disguise.
He's changed his name and everything.
My mom caught on to this,
of course, but then,
she got a rare blood disease, and she
wasn't able to care for us anymore.
She wasn't even able to keep
herself safe, let alone me,
so she thought the safest place for me
to be was right here with my aunt.
I thought stuff like that
only happened on TV.
Anyway,
that's why I'm so upset,
'cause I'm really afraid
that he might find me,
and he can't know
where I am.
He can never find me...
Morgan's voice:
And then I started to cry-
partly because the role required it,
but I also felt really terrible
about Iying to Eli.
Could you just forget
I ever said anything?
No. No, I will not forget, okay?
You see him, you call me.
All right?
In the meantime, let's get
your head into something else.
How about some geometry?
Yeah.
This is more boring
than baking.
Try it.
Is that right?
Yeah, that's all it is
right there.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Okay, well,
let's try another one.
- All right, here, try this.
- All right.
You wanna go out
this weekend?
What, like on a date?
Undefined.
Yes.
All right.
Morgan:
I'm not totally sure of this,
because most of my relationships
have either been scripted
or happened
while I was drunk,
but I maybe
might have a thing
for Eli Wills.
Are you dating my brother?
I don't know.
Okay, so let's try this one.
Do you have
a boyfriend in New York?
Not anymore.
We broke up.
I think he likes guys.
So the other night was a lie?
Or are you Iying to me now?
Morgan:
I'm Iying to everyone
all the time, and it sucks.
So do you like my brother?
I guess so.
Yes, I do.
Well, then don't lie to him
or to me ever again.
I don't know how much longer
I can keep Iying to people,
especially Eli.
And I am not smart enough
to keep track of who I said what to.
I mean,
maybe I should make a chart
just so I can
keep things straight.
Are you going
on a date or something?
What?
- No.
- Yea-
look at you.
You're all dressed up and your hair.
( doorbell rings )
You're going on a date!
It's him right now, isn't it?
I'm gonna go get it.
- Oh my God! Marissa!
- ( screaming )
Oh my God!
I can't believe you're here!
I can't believe this is
where they stuck you.
I've never seen
your reaI hair before. It's different.
- You knew about this.
- Sam and Bianca trying to play nice.
They did pass it
through your rehab counselor.
- Hi, Marissa. I'll take your bag.
- Thank you.
Oh. Oh. Oh my God.
Okay, look at this place.
Seriously, it's like
Hello Kitty threw up in here.
Be nice. Be nice.
Trudy's been really good to me.
So?
How are you, girlfriend?
- In need of a best friend.
- Well, I have arrived.
And the costume people
from my new movie totally hooked me up,
so we can go out
and no one will know it's me.
And I wanna try out
my new accent.
- Accent?
- Mm-hmm.
( Marissa with Southern accent )
Sugar, I feeI like we got transported
to the set
of "Ozzie and Harriet. "
Morgan:
Her accent was driving me crazy.
Marissa sounded like "Fargo"
meets Jessica Simpson.
You get used to it.
I like to hear the birds.
Ooh, let's get some ice cream.
Hello, can I have some vanilla
in a cup, please?
And what do you want?
Do you have any
nonfat sugar-free tofu?
Yeah, honey,
this is an ice cream truck, all right?
Thanks.
What?
It's just- wow.
I mean, why didn't you
just order a big side of fat?
I like ice cream.
So do I, but-
okay, I'm sorry.
But do you ever plan
on working again?
Of course I do.
That's why I'm here, remember?
This place is a joke, Morgan.
You'd have been better off
hiring a personaI trainer
and doing off-Broadway.
Marissa, you don't have the vaguest idea
of what I've been through.
You didn't even visit me
in rehab.
I mean, one day I was
your favorite party girI
and the next day
I almost died.
And you couldn't handle that,
and you just cut me loose.
Why?
Look, watching you that night
at the club,
I was almost as high
as you were.
Okay, it could have been me.
I know I should
have visited you in rehab.
I just felt guilty.
So guilty,
but I am really really sorry.
( car horn honks )
Crap.
Remember, I'm Claudia.
Okay.
- Emily: Hi.
- Hey, guys.
Eli, Emily,
this is my friend from back home...
Morgan's voice: Insert fake name.
Insert fake name!
Daisy Du- chovny.
- Daisy Duchovny.
- Like the guy from "X-Files"?
No relation. Too bad.
When do you want me
to pick you up on Saturday?
I'll call you.
CooI. All right, well,
good meeting you.
- Nice meeting you.
- Morgan: Thanks, guys.
Marissa:
See you all later.
Oh my God.
You are going on a date with Billy Joe.
His name is Eli,
and- we're just friends.
Okay okay, yeah, we have to
get you out of this town.
I bought you a really
gorgeous dress for tonight.
- What's tonight?
- We're making magic.
Oh.
Maybe we shouldn't be here.
Someone's gonna see us.
It's Chicago. Who do you
think we're gonna run into?
No using your reaI name.
No VIP treatment here.
I have never paid
a cover in my life.
I've actually cut way back
on my drinking.
Good.
Excuse me.
Hey, ladies. I'm Carlos.
What can I get for you?
Something pretty?
A Manhattan, two cherries.
I think I read your mind.
And for you?
Um...
club soda with a lime.
Are you sure you don't want
something pretty like your friend?
No, thank you.
Good for you. Idea:
Fly home with me,
move in with me
and we forget the whole
nightmare ever happened.
Morgan: Go back, resume, forget.
It sounded good to Morgan.
Hey, another one.
Morgan:
But Claudia was less sure.
Claudia had Trudy and Emily,
and Claudia had
an undefined date with Eli.
- ( dance music playing )
- Let's go, baby!
Whoo!
Marissa: Whoo! Yeah!
One shot for you, baby.
Morgan: For a moment,
it was really like old times.
Marissa and I were invincible.
Nothing could touch us.
Hey, Carlos, one more.
Here you go, sweet thing.
Hey, remember when we used
to dance on the bar at Jade?
We changed our bras
in front of, like, everyone.
Is it just me or are our best times
when we were smashed?
Relax, okay?
Loosen up. Come on!
Watch this.
Excuse me, boys.
Go, baby! Whoo!
( dance music continues )
- Marissa!
- Whoo!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Morgan:
Standing there holding that glass,
I realized how easy it would be
to take a sip.
When you're sober,
staring up at someone teetering
on a bar top isn't all that funny.
Marissa just looked
really really drunk.
Hey, girI, do you wanna get off
the bar before you kill yourself?
Whoo!
Morgan:
I'm not safe in Marissa's world anymore.
And let's face it,
it's her world now, not mine.
Come on, we gotta go.
What?
Morgan's voice: My world was
Fort Wayne... for now.
Morgan: Okay, here's the thing.
Sneaking in after dawn
is a lot scarier
when you're sober.
Trudy:
You stayed out all night.
You said you were
going to dinner, and I called,
I called and I called.
- My phone was off.
- That is totally unacceptable, Morgan.
Unacceptable!
You cannot stay here with me
if you're gonna lie, drink
and stay out all night.
I didn't drink.
I didn't.
Where were you?
Out with Marissa
and then she had to catch a flight back
to LA 'cause she had to be on set.
Okay, let me be
very clear about this.
You do not stay out all night.
You call if your plans change,
and you have another drink,
and you're out.
- Okay.
- Okay.
This is your house,
so your rules.
Is that a line
from a movie?
Probably,
but I mean it.
Give Sam a call.
He's looking for you.
Okay, I'm sorry.
The truth is we fell in love
while you were in rehab.
Both of us were blaming ourselves
for your problems,
and I really got to see
a different side to your mom.
Is this a secret side?
A side hidden
from the rest of the world?
Sam: Look, I know, I know,
and I get that you're still upset.
We handled it badly,
and I'm sorry.
All right.
Let's just talk
about something else.
Sam:
Sure. How's schooI?
Grades are bad,
friends are good
and I even have a date
this weekend, sort of.
Wow. Grades, friends
and boys, that's the first time
I've heard you sound like
a normaI teenager.
It's a lot harder than I thought,
this normaI-teenager thing.
- GirI: Come on, you guys!
- Man: Get your popcorn.
Morgan: Fried cola?
Two fried colas.
Oh my God.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
I started out here avoiding salads
with sugar in them
and now
I'm trying fried cola.
Okay.
Oh my God.
It's really really good.
Now the ostrich races.
Stop it.
Just take your time
Wherever you go
The rain is falling
on my windowpane
But we are hiding
in a safer place
Under cover
Staying dry and warm
You give me feelings
that I adore
They start in my toes,
make me crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes,
I always know
That you make me smile,
please stay for a while now
Just take your time
Wherever you go
But what am I gonna say
When you make me feeI
this way?
I just...
- Claudia-
- Eli, don't.
Morgan:
And I kissed him.
I didn't know
what else to do.
I couldn't bear to hear him
call me Claudia one more time.
Just take your time
wherever you go...
Morgan:
I was seriously falling for him,
and I wanted
to hear my reaI name.
I've been asleep
for awhile now
You tucked me in
just like a child now.
Morgan: Trudy!
Hello?
Trudy.
Tru.
Morgan:
Now this was unexpected.
Trudy.
You didn't call me.
I was worried sick about you.
Where were you?
No comment.
Well, you're obviously seeing
someone, so spill.
- Come on, tell me all about him.
- It's no big deaI.
It's just our second date.
He's a dentist.
Okay, well, I'll give him the benefit
of the doubt on that one.
You really like this guy.
So have you slept
with him yet?
Oh, my! I'm so not having
that conversation with you.
No, you haven't.
You just stayed up all night talking,
didn't you?
Yeah, he gave me some
really good advice...
- on medicaI schooI.
- On medicaI schooI?
I figure if you can
reinvent yourself, so can I.
I'm gonna apply.
That is so great.
Welcome back
to the human race.
Thank you, thanks.
And now what about you?
Is the fair the date equivalent
of Discount Darling?
I had a really great time.
Oh, you have a thing
for Eli Wells.
( laughs )
Morgan: I had this turning in my
stomach, then I realized what it was-
I was happy.
Cherry menthoI inside
I found you hiding
In my bedside pocket
Come along for the ride
Cola bottles
and a sherbet rocket
No one knows
What the future holds...
Trudy: Bianca, she does
not want to talk to you,
and I don't blame her.
What in the world is
the matter with you two?
This poor kid's gone
from red carpets to rehab
all before her 17th birthday.
No no, you can't come here
untiI you do some
adult-type growing up.
Well, too bad. No.
- Morgan's voice: I had to admit...
- Good night.
...I was impressed.
She was on my side,
and she wasn't even
taking a percentage.
An actuaI first.
Morgan: Just as I was finally fitting
into Claudia Miller's shoes,
even if they were fugly-
I saw you at the fair,
hooking up with Eli.
There's a name for that, Debbie.
It's called a stalker.
You probably know
all about stalkers, don't you, Morgan?
Morgan's voice:
It took me a second to realize
that she just called me
by my reaI name.
You know, I had my suspicions,
but it seemed impossible,
that whole thing
with "Girls on Top" at the sleepover.
Then last week in film class,
you referred
to Spielberg as Steven.
Are you serious right now?
What the hell
are you doing here?
Researching
for a big movie role?
Debbie, you're crazy.
I'm not Morgan.
Answer me or in minutes
the entire schooI's gonna
know the truth about this.
Okay, come here.
I came here to recover.
It's part of my rehab.
How does Eli fit
into your scheme?
Scheme? It's not a scheme.
I actually really like Eli.
Oh, come on,
you could have Orlando or Justin.
Leave Eli the hell alone.
So that's it? You stay quiet
if I stay away from Eli?
Yeah, and get your bubble-ass
back to LA
where it belongs.
Morgan:
She knows, Sam.
This girI Debbie Ackerson,
she knows.
You were photographed
at a bar holding a drink.
( groans )
I know it sounds totally lame,
but I was holding the drink
for Marissa.
Sam: You know what?
I can't even go there, Morgan.
If you're stupid enough
to start drinking again,
I'm not gonna watch you
destroy yourself twice.
I swear to you, Sam,
I didn't take a drink.
All right, all right.
Okay, I'm on it.
I'll take care of Debbie.
What do you mean?
Are you gonna have her whacked?
Give her cement shoes?
Dump her in the river?
I'm gonna have to send a lawyer
over there with confidentiality papers.
We're gonna have to
buy her off.
You're gonna have to be very carefuI.
Reporters have picked up the scent now.
All right, be very carefuI
and do me a favor:
Watch for people
following you.
Are you serious?
Okay, all right.
Morgan's voice: I had to start
thinking like Morgan Carter again.
( sighs )
Man:
We are prepared to pay you...
$5,000.
- $5,000?
- Mm-hmm.
Gee, Mr. Lawyer,
that's so much money
to little old me.
Who do you think I am?
I read the tabloids.
I watch "Extra. "
Add a zero, buddy.
- $50,000?
- Yeah.
Eli! I got a B minus
on my geometry test!
- What? Yeah!
- I know.
- Yeah!
- It's a freakin' miracle!
I was getting worried
and really starting
to think I was dumb.
Yeah, you're hardly dumb.
I could not have done it
without you.
- ( camera shutter clicks )
- Look at this thing.
( sighs )
( camera shutter clicks )
What's wrong?
- I think I'm being followed.
- Followed by who, your dad?
- Did he hire someone?
- Morgan! Morgan!
- Over here, Morgan!
- ( camera shutter clicking )
Morgan, where have you been?
I couldn't go back to the schooI,
so I went to the one place the press
wouldn't look for me- the mall.
Did you look outside?
Yeah, I think half the free press
is out on my lawn.
( clamoring )
Oh, it's gotten worse.
And Sam called. He said that
he and Bianca are coming to get me.
How do they print this
this fast?
Yeah, I believe that you
literally stopped
the Fort Wayne presses.
Oh, I TiVoed
something earlier.
Prepare yourself.
Man on TV:
... none other than Morgan Carter.
And here's what some of her teachers
and classmates had to say:
I met her on the first day,
and we totally hit it off.
Yeah, in my stomach
with a volleyball.
I feeI like we've all been punked.
Miss Carter has been a wonderfuI
addition to our- my schooI.
Well, her cinematic insights
in my class
were incredible, actually.
- A terrific kid.
- We're close personaI friends.
Well, in fact, we've got a project
in development together.
Love you, Morgan.
This is unbelievable.
Everyone's an actor.
Woman on TV:
Excuse me. Excuse me, Eli. Eli.
- No no no. What are you doing?
- Is it true you were dating Morgan
- and had no idea who she was?
- Excuse us, okay?
Woman:
Did she wear a disguise?
- Can you leave him alone?
- How can you not have known?
Because she lied, okay?
She was really good at it.
Now get out of my way.
- Did you see that look on his face?
- Yeah.
I really hurt him.
You know what I would usually do
in a situation like this
where everything just sucked
and I didn't know what to do?
I'd go out
and get really trashed.
But right now I just care
about Eli and Emily.
God. How do I fix this?
Well, you know, the old Morgan
wouldn't have cared.
This is my home.
I felt like I was part
of something.
I like being anonymous.
I like hanging out with you.
I don't even mind baking.
And I don't mind
doing homework,
and I love going to the fair.
Morgan can't do
any of those things.
Maybe not in the same way.
So it's all over?
Man:
All right, let 'em through.
( crowd shouting )
Oh, great, here they come.
- Sam: Hello!
- Morgan!
Sweetheart, how are you?
I'm terrible, Mom.
How are you?
- Oh, I know we haven't talked-
- Honey, I don't think this is the time.
Actually, you know what, though?
Now is great, so, Mom, let's talk.
Mom, so you and Sam
fell in love
while I was in rehab, and he saw
a totally different side of you.
So when do I get
to see this side?
- I know you're mad about the wedding.
- No, listen, you know what?
Let's shove past it.
Sam's the second-best thing
that's ever happened to me.
I mean, after you, of course.
Enough about me.
Morgan's voice:
I wanted to believe her. I really did,
but somehow I had the feeling
that we both had more
life-work to do,
and she was still wearing
my Quentin Tarantino earrings.
Let's focus here,
'cause Oprah's people already called.
They wanna hear your side of the story.
Plus, Lorne Michaels owes me
a huge favor,
so let's get you
on "Saturday Night Live. "
- Tell her the really big news.
- Big news?
- You ready for this?
- Morgan: I don't know.
- 'Cause you got the part.
- In the Soderbergh film.
- Wait. What?
- Lindsay dropped out!
She's in rehab... again.
And the world
just keeps spinning.
No, Trudy, this is the part
that I really really wanted.
It could change everything
for me as an actress.
Exactly, which is why we gotta get
you out of here and back to LA.
So that's it? You're gonna whisk her
away from all the work she's been doing?
Bianca, this is crazy.
She's just starting to do well.
She's an actor, Tru.
Her life's in Hollywood,
not here.
She spent
her entire childhood working.
Now she has a chance
to be a semi-normaI kid,
- even if it is just for senior year.
- You don't understand the business.
If she misses out on this,
we know she ruins her career forever.
- That's the worst possible scenario?
- That's exactly what that is.
- What about college?
- What is she gonna learn in college?
- Hey hey hey hey!
- Shh shh shh!
Why isn't anyone asking
what I'm thinking?!
- We're listening. We're listening.
- What I need?
I had the stage,
the solo and the monologue,
but I didn't know my lines.
Morgan?
- I-
- Trudy: What do you want, Morgan?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Devon: The paparazzi followed
Morgan's limousine all the way
to a locaI airport, where Morgan,
her mother and her manager
boarded a private jet back
to Hollywood...
I can't believe the news is
actually covering this garbage.
Devon: No one has seen
or heard from Morgan...
Well, the reporters
are finally gone.
Devon: And word has it
Morgan's just been tapped
to star in Steven Soderbergh's
new film.
Think you'll ever
see her again?
No, it was all an act, Em.
Okay? All of it, even me.
( pebble clatters )
- What is it?
- I think it's Morgan Carter
- in our bushes.
- What?
What are you doing?
We just saw you get into a jet on TV.
That was a decoy me.
They do it all the time.
Why don't you go back
to your abusive stalker father?
Come on.
Morgan:
I had to talk to Eli.
Well, I've done it
in the movies enough times.
( wood creaking )
( shouts )
Ah!
What now?
Morgan, are you all right?
Help!
You don't look
too red carpet now.
Can I have five minutes?
And the lies just bloomed
untiI I was completely trapped by them.
I mean, I didn't know who I was,
and I didn't know who to trust.
Debbie found out
and she blackmailed me.
She did?
I know now
I should have trusted you guys.
I'm really sorry.
I really am.
So what are you doing here?
I decided to stay in Fort Wayne...
and finish high schooI.
Be serious.
Everyone will get used to it.
When it's no longer a story,
no one will care.
What about
your Soderbergh movie?
I passed on it.
There will be other roles,
but there won't be
other senior years.
So I want to spend mine here
with Trudy and with you guys.
Whatever.
Eli...
I know you feeI
totally betrayed,
and I get that,
but what I feeI for you
is reaI.
You- you actually care about me.
It wasn't about if I could boost
your press coverage
or how good I look
on your arm, you know, it was-
You helped me and-
and it was just
'cause you wanted to.
And that's why I fell for you.
You know, I can't tell-
I just can't tell
when you're Iying
or acting...
or whatever you call it. It's-
I'm tired.
I should probably turn in.
Emily:
Just give him time.
- You think?
- Yeah.
Maybe. Maybe not.
I'm gonna go, okay?
Okay.
Hi, I'm Mary Kitchen, live here
at Hillhaven High SchooI
where Morgan Carter
has been a student
at our very own
locaI high schooI.
This is insane.
Are you gonna be okay?
Yeah, I have something
for you, though.
- For me?
- Yes.
Good luck in schooI.
- Thank you.
- Oh, are you anti-hug now?
Get over here.
All right, here we go again.
Morgan's voice: It was one thing to go
to high schooI as Claudia Miller.
Now I had to play
the same part as myself.
But I had to admit,
I was pretty terrified.
Woman: Morgan!
Is it true that you're
going back to high schooI?
Morgan, over here, Morgan!
Thank you!
Morgan, over here, Morgan!
( clamoring )
They're all
Looking to find some story
They can tell to sell
The evening shows tonight
Forget about rumors
that you hear...
Hi.
Hey.
They fill the page
with this and that...
Come on, let's get out of here.
Come on.
I'm not afraid
to let you in
'Cause I'm a tough girI,
I've got skin
That's thick enough
to let you see
The good and bad,
yeah, all of me
This is my life
and I'm gonna show you...
Morgan's voice:
There's no script for what comes next.
I'll just have to figure it out.
It's the truth about me.