Turbo (2013) Movie Script
1
And we're back at the final stretch
of the Indianapolis 500.
Guy Gagn is gaining on the pack.
The young French Canadian
is making quite an impression
in his debut here at the Motor Speedway.
In all my years of racing, I've never
seen a driver with this much raw talent.
But what's this?
Out of nowhere,
a dark horse is challenging Gagn.
He's gaining on the pack.
And down the front stretch.
Moving into fourth position... third...
Now, second!
Going to the outside
as they cross the bricks!
And it looks like the winner is Turbo!
Amazing! Unbelievable!
Instant replay. Again, in super slo-mo.
Welcome back, race fans.
We're here with Indy's brightest new star,
Guy Gagn.
Tell us, Guy, what inspired you
to become a race driver?
You know, Dan, everybody's got
that one thing that makes them happy.
And for me, it's terrifying,
terrifying blazing speed.
Guy!
-One at a time, please.
-Theo!
Yes, the handsome fellow in the back.
What are you doing?
What I've always done.
Stay focused, try to run my race.
That's all any driver can do.
Next question.
Can you please go to sleep?
We've got work tomorrow.
Sleep? Are you kidding me?
It takes hours to come down
after a big race like this.
Yeah, I bet. Okay.
They are the fuel that keeps me running!
Guy, when you were just a rookie
starting out in the Indy Lights,
did you ever dream
that you'd be standing here today?
Well, as my dear father
always told me,
"No dream is too big,
and no dreamer
-"too small."
-Too small.
Sleep!
Head in the game. Head in the game.
Yes! Seventeen minutes!
That's a new record!
Theo!
Good morning.
Let's go, people! Pick it up!
Turbo, ready to make his move.
Did you see that? She cut me off!
The joys of racing.
How could anyone not see the appeal
of watching a bunch of cars,
drive around in circles
for hours on end?
Left turn! Left turn! Left turn!
Your ignorance saddens me to no end.
Left turn! "What do I do here?
Oh, no, wait a minute. Left turn!"
'Morning, Chet!
How's it going, Sally?
-'Morning, Chet.
-'Morning, Phil.
Well, that's a shame.
And so begins another wonderful
work week at the plant.
All right, people, we got
a lot of tomatoes to harvest today.
We got to pick them,
we got to sort them, we got to eat them.
But most importantly, we got to be...
Safe.
Yes! Music to my ears.
Look at her.
Nice curves.
You are one giant, juicy temptress.
Big Red.
Any day now.
Any day now.
Overripe!
Overripe!
Overripe!
Oh, no.
Here we go.
Bring it on.
Not this time.
And the cars are at the starting line.
Gagn's in the top pole position,
driving his trademark
number one overripe tomato.
Next to him
is that feisty young upstart, Turbo.
Gentlemen, start your engines.
Gagn rolls into the lead
around the first turn
with Turbo hot on his tail
into the straightaway.
Hey, there he goes again.
And down the homestretch,
the crowd goes wild!
Go, Turbo!
They're neck and neck!
Gagn, Turbo! Turbo, Gagn!
-And it looks like the winner is...
-Turbo! Turbo! Turbo!
So close!
It's a photo finish!
Overripe!
All right, all right, knock it off.
Talk to your brother, Chet. Or I will.
I'm on it, Carl.
This will not happen again.
Heard that before.
Okay.
That's lunch!
You do this to yourself, you know.
I mean, look at you.
How could they not make fun of you?
It's like you're almost forcing them.
If you'd just quit it
with the speed stuff...
I can't help it.
It's in me.
No. It is not "in" you.
Says who?
Nature. Mother Nature.
Maybe you've heard of her?
We all have our limitations, Theo.
And the sooner you accept the dull,
miserable reality of your existence,
the happier you'll be.
Wow. Aren't you
just a little ray of sunshine?
Heads up! Shell crusher, two o' clock!
All right, people, you know the drill.
Tuck and roll!
Can't tuck. I can't tuck!
Theo, tuck and roll!
We've been over this.
I don't tuck and roll.
You have a shell for a reason.
Use it.
You use it.
I mean, come on,
he's not even looking this way.
Hey, Juice Box, nice tricycle!
You see what I'm saying?
All right, good hustle.
Good hustle, everybody!
Almost everybody.
Quitting time!
Good night, Jim! Night, Sally!
Night, Steve!
I don't know your name.
I'm out of here! Bye!
You're watching Fast!
Sponsored by Adrenalode!
Adrenalode, not legal in
Utah and South Dakota.
Do not exceed more than two cans
of Adrenalode in a 24-hour period.
Do not expose Adrenalode
to flame, or to water, or to sand.
Yes!
That tastes awesome.
Welcome back to
The Road to Indianapolis.
I'm here with five-time Indy champ,
the legendary Guy Gagn!
I love you, Guy!
Tell us, Guy, do you have any advice
for the future racers out there
who might be watching at home right now?
Oh, my gosh. That's me, that's me.
Well, there comes a time
in every race
when a driver is forced to make
that one, key, split-second decision.
Fall behind, or push ahead.
Push ahead!
To take a chance and risk it all,
or play it safe and suffer defeat.
Risk it all, Guy!
But what really separates
the racers from the champions...
Yes!
...that one thing that separates
the ordinary from the extraordinary...
What is it?
That one thing is...
No!
No, you didn't!
No! No! No! No! No!
Come back to me, TV!
-Only you have your finger on the...
-It's working!
-'Morning, Bob.
-'Morning, Sally.
'Morning, Steve.
'Morning...
You know, this is good.
Yes, this is good.
I daresay we've had
a breakthrough, here.
With that TV gone,
you can finally get out of that garage
and put all that racing nonsense
behind you.
And do what?
Start living your life.
I have a life?
Big Red?
Big Red!
I can't tuck. I can't tuck!
-Yes!
-Finally!
All right, let's chow down!
Hit the brakes, people.
It's Gardener Day.
You're quitting? Just like that?
Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
That's a bad thing.
"There comes a time in every race
"when a driver is forced to make
that one, key, split-second decision."
What did he just say?
"Take a chance and risk it all,
or play it safe and suffer defeat."
Okay, enough with the crazy talk, Theo.
Just step away from the grass
and get back to work.
Theo!
And the cars are at the starting line.
Gentlemen, start your engines.
And once again, it's Turbo out front.
No dream is too big.
In the high lane! At the stripe!
And it looks like the winner is...
Tuck and roll, Theo! Tuck and roll!
No!
Are you insane?
You could've gotten yourself killed!
Theo, what were you thinking?
I thought I could get there.
When are you gonna wake up?
I wish...
I wish I was...
That was close.
Oh, no.
Yeah!
No, no, no! Come on! Faster!
No, no, no!
What happened?
Hey, hey, hey! Get out of here!
Not dead! Not dead!
It reeks in here.
It's like wearing a hat
made out of feet.
Home.
All right.
I'm okay.
That's peculiar.
Okay, what's happening to me?
What? That's me!
Come on! Stop it!
Quiet, quiet!
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Welcome, everyone,
to this monthly safety meeting.
Well, there goes Jerry.
I'm going to
hand things over to Chet, now,
who has some important
new policies to go over.
Thank you very much, Carl.
Good afternoon, everyone.
I'm happy to "poli-see"
you all here today.
Okay. I would like to begin
with some very exciting news.
The latest figures are in.
Accidental smushes were down 15 percent.
Well done, team.
Yo, yo! You're listening to 98.6
where hip-hop... beats.
Finally.
Huh?
What in the...
Help!
Stop! Stop, stop!
Mom!
Yeah!
Oh, no!
And so, in preparation for
Crow Awareness Week,
I'd just like to say...
Tuck and roll!
No, I'm not kidding! Tuck and roll!
Look out!
Granted, yes,
I admit that there's been
a wee bit of damage to inventory, here,
but if you'd just let me explain...
You're fired!
Whoa, okay, Carl,
if you just give him one more chance,
I promise that this will never, ever...
You don't understand.
You're fired.
"You," plural.
Youse. Y'all. Both of you!
Chet. I'm so sorry.
You have to believe me,
I didn't mean for this to...
All my life.
All my life,
I've defended you, covered for you,
stood up for you, apologized for you,
and this is what I get in return.
Dragged down with you
on your sinking ship.
A nice, comfy deck chair
on the S.S. Theo!
Aye-aye, Captain!
I'm really sorry.
What is wrong with you?
I don't know.
All I know is, the other night,
I'm standing above the 101,
and all of a sudden...
It was a rhetorical question!
Chet!
Help! The world is moving!
Coming through!
Okay, I'm gonna wake up any minute now.
Wake up! Wake up!
Chet?
Easy now, fellas.
You really don't wanna do this.
Chet!
Am I dead? Is this heaven?
I pictured it cleaner.
Come on, get up.
Theo. The crows got you, too.
What? No, Chet, it wasn't the crows.
It was...
Look at this place.
-Broken glass, rusty nails.
-Breathe.
-Discarded salt packets!
-A few, yeah.
It's like a minefield out here.
Oh, no.
I've got tetanus. I've got tetanus.
My jaw is locking up.
Chet, will you calm down?
There is no reason to panic.
Everything's gonna be just fine.
Well, well, well.
Buenas noches, little amigos.
This must be my lucky day.
Hola. It's Tito.
Hey, tell everyone I'm bringing it.
What is this place?
Well, well, well.
Somebody better call the cops,
because I'm about to make a killing.
Killing?
What'd he drag in this time?
Whiplash is going to eat them up.
It's gonna be a slaughter.
Mm-hmm, dead meat.
We're gonna die. We're gonna die.
Come on, come on. Now, hurry up.
A little far from home aren't you,
garden snail?
Hey, I think we got a crier here.
Let's do this!
I got this one! Oh, I got this one!
Yeah. Yeah, yeah!
Come on! This is me!
Time to go, Theo.
Ready...
Set...
Go!
Look. He dead.
Taco Man found dead snail.
What?
Run!
Santa Maria!
What did you say your name was again?
My name is Turbo.
I wish I could rename myself.
Where did you find him?
How did he do that?
Where did you come from?
Hey, how'd you do that?
Theo. A word, please.
Okay, that was...
Amazing, right?
If you think that's something,
check this out.
Turn it off!
Sorry. High beams. Sorry.
That's a new one.
It's okay, it's okay, Theo.
Just hang in there.
As soon as we get home,
we're gonna get you fixed.
What? I don't need to be fixed.
There's nothing wrong with me, Chet.
Nothing wrong with you? Well, you're...
You're a freak of nature.
I know, I know! Isn't it great?
Theo!
You know what? I prefer "Turbo."
I don't know
what crazy lab you escaped from
but you're amazing, Little Amigo.
Amazing!
Tito!
One second, please.
Do you see that sign? What does it say?
Angelo...
It says, "Dos Bros Tacos."
"Dos" Bros, Tito. Not "Uno" Bro.
You're supposed to be out there,
selling tacos,
not racing snails.
I know, but this little guy
is something special.
I'm telling you, Angelo,
the customers are gonna be lining up
around the block.
I can see it already.
"Come for the snail racing,
stay for the chimichangas."
Get your head out of the clouds, Tito.
It's enough with your crazy schemes.
No! You're a taco genius, Angelo.
And it is my mission in life
to share your gift with the world.
Great.
Then first thing in the morning,
get in that truck
and go sell some tacos.
Tito.
You sure you had enough to eat?
Are you tired?
Here, I made up your bed.
Now, it might get
a little chilly tonight.
So, I warmed up your blanket.
There you go. All comfy and cozy.
Sweet dreams, Little Amigo.
I'll see you in the morning.
Did he really just kiss you goodnight?
He did. Jealous?
Question.
What gives with the super-speed?
Hey, hey, you a robot?
Are you radioactive, homie?
Is it contagious?
Give the kid some space.
I'm Whiplash. And this here is my crew.
I'm Skidmark!
Ah, yeah!
And I'm Burn. Sizzle, sizzle, uh-uh.
The name is Smoove Move.
I set the tone around here, you dig?
Now check this. Right about now,
I'm moving so fast, the whole world's
going in slow motion, baby.
Here one second, gone the next.
They call me the White Shadow!
Because I'm so fast,
all you see is my shadow.
I don't get it.
I'm fast, like a shadow!
Yeah, but shadows,
they're not inherently fast.
White Shadow...
I can still see you.
Listen, garden snail, you clearly
got the skills to pay the bills.
If snails had to pay bills, that is.
You would be able to pay them.
Yeah, bills.
Paid in full, son.
So, I'm here to invite you
to join our crew.
Join your crew?
Did I say something humorous?
I'm sorry.
It's just that you guys are, you know,
kind of slow-ish.
Really? To our faces?
Theo, what are you doing?
Now, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear
what I clearly just heard.
Heard what? I didn't hear anything.
Nothing out of order, did you, Theo?
I meant what I said.
Then you better put your money
where your mouth is.
Snails don't have money.
Otherwise, we'd be able to
pay the bills. Remember?
Your trash talk
is needlessly complicated.
Is it? Or is it that your unpaid bills
are overdue?
Enough talk. It's time for action.
It's simple. First one to the top
of that shooting star
wins.
You guys? Way up there, huh? Awesome.
Let me get my calendar
so I can time you.
You got jokes, rookie?
Laugh it up, garden snail.
On your mark...
Get yourself set...
Prepare to be White Shadowed!
Whoa!
Yeah!
Yeah! Bam!
Coming through!
Those guys are crazy!
Those guys are awesome.
Hey, player! The party up here!
How do I get up there?
Later!
Coming through!
Yeah!
Who's "slow-ish" now, garden snail?
Today, everything changes!
Tito, what are you doing?
Planning a "taco-volution"!
It's a little concept that I came up with.
When you combine the words...
"Taco" and "revolution." I get it.
But how is that supposed
to help us sell tacos?
Patience, bro.
Taco-volutions don't happen in a day.
And next up on our tour
is the L.A. River.
Famous for its appearance...
Get! Get out!
Sorry, Paz. Can you throw that up here?
Coming to getcha! I'm coming to getcha!
Bye.
Hey!
Valley Hobby, this is Bobby,
how can I help you?
No, you got the wrong number.
Yeah, okay.
That's what I'm talking about!
You want Jackson Five on your feet?
One Jackson per toe.
Sure, knock yourself out.
Can't get no better.
Okay. So, what's your plan?
Stay here in this rundown strip mall?
With a bunch of lunatic snails,
and a nutso taco man
who is using you to sell Mexican food?
Because if that's your plan,
then whoopty-skippy-do, sign me up!
My ears are burning.
I hope you're not talking about me.
You two seem to have
a special connection, Little Amigo,
and Snail Who Seems To Be
Friends With Little Amigo.
Is this your mother?
Your sister?
Say no more. It's your girlfriend.
She's a cutie.
Women.
I have to admit,
I was kind of hoping the taco-volution
would've started by now.
It doesn't make sense.
With my brains and your speed,
we should be destined for greatness,
right?
We need to think big, Little Amigo.
I'm talking commercials,
talk shows, county fairs.
Flea markets.
No, farmers' markets. No, supermarkets.
We'll cover all the markets.
Quinceaeras,
confirmations, graduations.
The Indy 500.
I got it.
We can have our very own telenovela!
What? No.
This is it, Chet.
I knew we ended up here for a reason.
Will you just slow down for a second?
Slow down? Are you kidding?
I'm never going slow again!
Theo, stop.
What are you trying to say?
I wanna enter him in the Indy 500.
The Indy 500?
What are you talking about?
What is he talking about?
Now, look,
I know it may sound a little crazy...
No, no, no, Tito,
that doesn't sound crazy.
Dos Bros Tacos and Sushi.
That was crazy.
What? People love sushi.
Dos Bros Tacos and Monkey Petting Zoo.
That was crazy.
The babies were cute.
The adults were just so mean.
Taco Man and his sidekick, the Churro.
That was off-the-hook crazy!
Crazy awesome.
But this, Tito?
This is in a category all by itself.
Angelo, please.
Come on, Chet. Just hear me out.
Theo, a snail cannot race
in a competition meant for cars.
There are rules.
Actually,
I've been doing a lot of research,
and there's nothing in the rules
that says a snail can't enter the race.
There's nothing that says this sponge
can't enter the race either,
but that doesn't mean
it's ever gonna happen.
Millions of people watch that race.
This could put us on the map, bro.
-Trying to work, here.
-Come on, Angelo.
All we have to do
is raise the $20,000 registration fee.
What?
-I figured, once we sell the truck...
-Sell the...
Are you even
listening to yourself, Tito?
You want to invest
our entire life savings in a snail!
I'm telling you, this snail
crawled into our lives for a reason.
I think he could be
our little shooting star.
Did you hear that, Chet?
This guy believes in me.
That guy is as crazy as you are.
They'll never let you into that race.
And even if they did,
you wouldn't survive one lap.
-Yeah, but...
-Angelo, listen...
-Tito!
-Theo!
Not every dream is meant to come true.
Yeah, what he said.
A snail in the Indy 500.
What will you think of next?
Don't worry, Little Amigo.
We'll get that entrance fee somehow.
Now, I know some people may say
$20,000 sounds like a lot of money.
It is a lot of money.
And I know some people
may say I'm crazy.
But I say, when a snail crawls
into your life at 200 miles an hour,
then you'd have to be crazy
not to grab onto that shell,
and take a ride of a lifetime.
Now,
in case you're still not convinced...
Boom! Check out my well-designed
endorsement poster.
What's your point, Tito?
My point is, we got a chance
to change our lives for the better.
To make Starlight Plaza
the great place we all know it could be.
Now, come on.
Who's ready to sponsor
the next Indy 500 champion?
Sorry, Tito, but I've got work to do.
No, you don't. None of you do.
I don't get it. That poster was awesome.
Well, good try, you did your best.
Time to go home, Theo.
We're going to Indianapolis, Chet.
Don't you worry
your chubby little face about that.
All right, team.
Snail up!
And next up on our tour
is the L.A. River.
Famous for its appearance
in such movies as...
You've just been White Shadowed!
Next stop is the Starlight Plaza.
Yes!
Burn. Let's get this party started.
You know it.
Snailed it.
Skidmark. You bringing the beverages?
I got a beverage for you.
And a beverage for you.
Light her up, Turbo.
Do your thing, baby.
Whoa.
Hey, Angelo! We got customers.
Whoa!
Okay, you ready?
Go!
All right. You're good to go.
Okay, everybody. Back on the bus.
Mama, you look good!
Bye. Come again.
I do weddings, bar mitzvahs.
Thank you. Come back soon.
Tomorrow, later on today. I'll be here.
Good luck with that snail of yours.
Thank you, my friend.
I gotta hand it to you, Tito.
For once,
one of your crazy schemes worked.
I know!
And, hey, if we did better
because of that billboard,
just imagine what the Indy 500 could do.
Hey, don't go crazy on me.
We had a good day.
We sold a few extra tacos.
It's good enough.
You better not mess this up, Tito.
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
We're going to Indianapolis, Chet!
"I" to the "N" to the "Dizzy"
to the "Wizzah." You dig?
Yes, sir.
One breakfast burrito, please.
That's it.
I'm sorry, honey. Today is the day.
Tito!
Are you ready, big man?
On three. One, two...
Indy, baby!
I got it!
"Fasty"!
Are you kidding me?
"Turbo"!
All right, as the kids say,
"Time to plump your ride."
Heck, no!
Let's do this.
Now, that's more like it.
No twitching. Voil!
Suited and booted, gooted and looted,
dipped and whipped!
We've got a contender, baby!
Look at him go!
Fresh air, baby.
We ain't in Van Nuys no more.
Hi, Chet.
You're gonna be my boyfriend!
I'm gonna call you "boo."
"Boo"? What does that even mean?
Sure beats the view
from the garden, huh?
I can't believe you're doing this.
"We." We are doing this.
You. I'm just a hostage.
Theo, what happens if you wake up
tomorrow, and your powers are gone?
What then?
Then I better make the most of today.
This is even bigger than Hobby-Con.
Wow. Now, that's a car.
Whoa. Shiny.
Gagn.
And Guy Gagn wins the pole,
with a four-lap average
of 230 miles per hour.
That's Gagn's best time yet.
Turbo has never gone that fast.
I mean, yet.
So, you got a plan, Taco Man?
Of course I do.
Please tell me those phony glasses
are not your plan.
No. That would be ridiculous.
Come on, phony glasses, do your thing.
This great.
I'm gonna go have heart attack.
Qu pasa, my friend?
I have a driver that
I'd like to enter into the race.
What team does your driver race for?
Dos Bros Tacos and Company.
Has he passed the rookie test?
Hey, come here.
Let's cut to the chase, okay?
You have glasses, I have glasses.
What do we gotta do
to get this done, bro?
Hey, let go. Come on, man, let go!
This is no way to treat a guy with glasses.
I have astigmatism and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
Guy, how do you do it, shattering
your own records year after year?
Well,
when a cheetah chases after a gazelle,
does he ever stop to think,
"Maybe I've caught enough gazelles.
"Maybe I should just settle down,
try the vegan thing."
No! He keeps running
as long as his legs will carry him.
I am like the cheetah. I never give up.
Next question.
All right, give me the keys.
I'll drive the first shift home.
Whoa!
What gives?
No, no, no!
Can I help you, monsieur?
One second, please.
What are you doing?
Are you trying to get me arrested?
Oh.
Sorry! So sorry.
We'll have this under control...
Ladies and gentlemen!
I give you the next Indy 500 champion!
Is that a snail?
Your driver is a snail?
What kind of welcome is that?
I'd say an appropriate welcome,
given the situation.
All right. Game over, nut job.
Let's go.
Have a nice flight, Chet.
-Hit it!
-White Shadow!
Bonzai!
Get off!
Pedal to the metal, Turbo.
Go!
Whoa!
Yeah!
Whoa! That snail is fast!
What did I miss? What did I miss?
226! That's fast enough to qualify!
That's what I'm talking about!
Whoa! That snail is fast!
Man, wait until people see this!
Whoa! That snail is fast!
What? Are you seeing this?
-Hello?
-Have you heard?
Yes, I've heard.
That snail is fast.
Forget about it.
This will blow over by noon.
Whoa! That snail is fast!
-Hello?
-Have you seen it?
Yes, I've seen it!
Whoa! That snail is fast!
What?
Snail is fast!
You see the snail moving fast
You slow, you gonna get passed
You see him gaining position for first
He won't be last
He's ready to make a dash
Snail quicker than a lightning flash
His engine's roaring, he's flooring
He won't run out of gas
Whoa! That snail is fast!
Whoa! Are you seeing this?
Whoa!
You cannot have a snail in the Indy 500.
It's a miracle of nature!
Will the snail be crushed
by the giant race cars?
That snail is fast, fast, fast
Fast, fast, fast, fast
Whoa. That snail is fast.
We've just received word that the CEO
of IndyCar is about to make a statement.
And so,
after careful consideration and...
That snail is fast
That snail is fast
Sorry. My bad.
I've decided...
Please, say yes. Please, say yes.
Please, say no. Please, say no.
White Shadow.
I've decided that I simply cannot permit
a snail to enter...
Please, sir, give my snail a shot,
and I swear, you won't regret it.
Mr. Lopez, while I appreciate
your enthusiasm, my decision is...
Let him race!
Let him race!
Let him race!
Let him race! Let him race!
Let him race!
Now, now. Order.
Sir, if I may.
You might want to get a two-shot here.
I, like this passionate gentleman here,
came from humble beginnings.
In the words of my dear father,
"No dream is too big,
and no dreamer, too small."
And that is why I, for one,
believe that if the Indy 500
isn't going to put a limit on speed,
then it shouldn't put a limit on spirit!
Give the people what they want.
Let him race!
Let him race! Let him race!
Let him race!
Just me.
Whole frame, my face.
All right!
"All right," what?
Your snail can compete
in the Indianapolis 500.
Yeah!
Has the world lost its mind?
To Turbo!
Starlight Plaza! Hey!
He ain't slow no more.
That's for sure.
Shut the door.
Get on the floor.
Barbeque sauce!
And we're back with more
from Indianapolis.
Check it out. We're on TV.
Mr. Lopez, how do you feel about
getting to compete in the Indy 500?
I'm just so happy.
And we'd all be happy to see you
come on down to the Starlight Plaza.
Just north of the 101
in Van Nuys, California.
Kim Ly Nail Salon.
Where we put the "nail" in "snail."
Taco Man cried
in front of millions of people.
Here you go, Paz. Nice and warm.
Goodnight, Tito.
-You comfy enough, Bobby?
-No.
Okay, let me know if you need anything.
Hey! No touching!
Smooth, smooth, smooth.
Sleep tight, Little Amigo.
We got a big day tomorrow.
Yep.
Big day, indeed.
I'm detecting
a refreshing note of disapproval.
I'm worried. And you should be, too.
I'll be fine.
You are delusional, you know that?
It's Big Red all over again.
Only this time,
instead of one lawn mower,
it'll be 32 giant, fire-breathing cars!
And I won't be able to save you.
You won't have to, because this time,
I have speed.
You're not a car. You're a snail.
I got a shot here, Chet.
I can do this. You'll see.
No, I won't.
I will not stand by
and watch the only brother I've got
risk his life
chasing some impossible dream.
I'm sorry, Theo.
All of these people, they believe in me.
Guy Gagn believes in me.
Why won't you?
And by the way, my name is Turbo.
All right. Tout suite, let's go.
Whoa.
2.2-liter turbo V6.
24-valve quad-overhead cam.
Fastest open-wheel,
single-seat machine on the planet.
I think I'm in love.
No way.
You're not trying
to steal my trophy from me, are you?
Because if you want one for yourself,
you may have a long wait.
Espresso?
So, you are my little competition, eh?
The underdog versus the champion.
The world loves the underdogs, you know.
The dreamers out there, they need them.
Need to believe that one day, maybe
they could achieve the impossible, too.
Well, the sad truth is,
underdogs seldom win.
And dreamers?
Let's just say, eventually,
they have to wake up.
I've never talked to a snail before.
So small, so amusing.
No wonder they want to see you race, eh?
Vroom! Vroom!
Look at him go.
Thank you, plucky snail.
Because of you,
the whole world will be watching this race.
And when the checkered flag drops,
they'll be watching me win.
Crawl home, garden snail,
while you still can.
Good afternoon, race fans,
and welcome to this year's running
of the Indianapolis 500.
Televised in over 200 countries
and aired in 33 different languages,
this is no longer just a race,
this is the day you'll be telling
your grandchildren about.
Where were you the day they let
a snail race in the Indy 500?
Okay, time to go. You ready?
All right, team meeting. Bring it in.
This is it, Little Amigo.
This is our moment. Our time.
Today is the day we make our mark.
Everybody in! It's go time!
Oh, Theo. Be careful out there.
Hey, little snail. Are you lost?
No.
Are you a boy, or a girl?
Why is this confusing? I'm not a girl!
And there they are, folks.
Some of the biggest names in motorsport.
Shelby Stone,
hot off her win in Sao Paulo.
And there's Claudio Cruz,
a.k.a. "The Brazilian Butcher."
He actually was a butcher
before he got into race car driving.
Gagn! Gagn! Gagn!
Hey!
And here he comes, folks,
le man, le myth, le legend...
le "if I could choose anybody in the world
to be my best friend it would be..."
Guy Gagn!
Yes, yes. "Gagn, Gagn!"
You know, food trucks
are actually very popular these days.
And I tell you what,
I do love a good torta.
Yeah!
And would you look at those t-shirts?
It is amazing what you can do
on your printer at home.
Tito, you better know what you're doing.
Here you go, little snail.
Now you've got the best seat in the house.
Oh, no. Nope.
This isn't happening.
I gotta get out of here.
Stay here. I'll be right back.
Help! Let me out. Let me out!
Breathe.
Good afternoon and welcome
to what has become the most
anticipated and unprecedented
running of the Indianapolis 500.
So, without further ado,
ladies and gentlemen, and snail,
start your engines!
It's like an earthquake!
I love it. Is it weird that I love it?
Everyone, off the track, please.
See you in the winner's circle,
garden snail.
Easy to the peasy, baby.
Everything's gonna be fine, okay?
We can do this, right?
I wish I was tiny,
so I can give you a hug.
Get off the track!
Okay, okay, I'm going!
Good luck out there, Turbo!
Did anybody bring earplugs?
What?
I can't watch this.
The pace car is off
and the parade laps are underway.
Only moments until the green flag drops,
and history is made here at Indianapolis.
Let's do this.
And the race is on!
You go, Turbo!
Turbo, struggling out there.
Looks like the party is over
for the motoring mollusk.
He's getting killed out there.
What have we done?
Whoa. That snail is history.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Come on, garden snail.
Get your head in the game!
Go, go, go!
All right, go, go, go!
Come on!
We're supposed to be a team, here!
We're trying.
It's a snail.
There's not that much to do.
That's it. This pit crew
is officially under new management.
Now, this is how it's done. Air jack.
Jack-tivate.
-Lube.
-Applied liberally.
Detailing.
Wax on, wax off.
-Fuel!
-Down the hatch.
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Foot massage.
You know it.
Relaxing vibes.
Own it, brother.
Now, de-lax those vibes!
Are you crazy?
Yeah, I'm crazy!
What made you think I was sane?
I don't know how to...
-Are you a car?
-No.
Are you a car?
No!
Then stop driving like one!
Now get out there. Snail up, baby!
Go, T-boogie, go!
Gagn with a commanding lead now.
Followed by Claudio Cruz,
Shelby Stone and Takao Noguchi.
Go!
Come on.
Snail up.
Snail up!
Yes!
I don't believe it!
Turbo just went under a car!
Did you see that?
Despite a rocky start,
it looks like Turbo is gaining some ground.
Yeah! Now we're talking!
Where is he? Where is he?
He passed another one!
Yeah!
That's my brother, right there.
That's the back of his head!
Go, go, go! Left turn! Left turn!
Yeah! Left turn!
Turbo maneuvers past Shelby Stone
and into second place!
He is hot on Gagn's heels!
The snail's not going away, Guy.
All right, I know, I know!
These racers better watch it
coming into turn four.
This late in the race,
that outside edge is full of marbles.
And you don't want to play
with these marbles, kids.
That rubber peeling off the tires
can be a minefield for these drivers.
Here we go.
Turbo!
Oh, no.
Oh, man.
What are we gonna do?
If he takes another hit like that last one...
You gotta pull him, Tito.
I'm sorry, Little Amigo. It's over.
Hey.
We got this far. It's good enough.
No, it's not.
With the green flag about to be waved,
it looks like a mere formality at this point.
Gagn, just five laps away from victory.
Wait a minute!
Turbo is still in this thing!
What?
Whoa! What happened there?
Come on, come on!
No!
Theo!
No!
Not this time. Come on!
Come on, Turbo. Come on, Turbo.
Come on,
just hold in there a little longer.
No!
No!
Farewell, little snail.
Unbelievable! Turbo takes the lead.
Snail-style, baby!
Bad idea. Bad idea.
And the white flag is in the air
as we enter the 200th and final lap.
Turbo weaving between lapped cars
like a snail possessed.
He is determined to hold onto his lead.
No!
I will not lose to a snail!
Gagn is in the marbles!
Guy, what are you doing?
Theo!
Turbo!
The track is backed up
all the way down the front straight.
It's complete gridlock down there.
I can't see him. I can't see him.
Guy, are you okay?
Where am I?
There he is.
Theo.
Let's finish this.
Oh, no.
Turbo.
No, no, no.
Theo, what are you doing? Don't give up.
Hey! Where are you going?
No, no!
Get back here! No, wait!
No! Little snail!
Theo!
Is that Chet?
Now, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear
what I clearly just heard.
Salt!
Crows? Are you kidding me?
Long time no see, Chet!
Hey! Don't test me, crow.
White Shadow!
Nice moves back there, boo.
Is this really necessary?
No, man. But it's fun.
Theo!
Theo!
Chet?
Finish this!
I can't.
Oh, yes, you can.
You're right, you know.
It is in you. It's always been in you.
Now, I did not just face
every fear known to snail-kind
to come down here
and watch you hide in your shell.
I'm sitting on a crow,
for crying out loud!
Don't even think about it.
And my little brother never gives up.
That's the best thing about you.
So, you get out there
and you win this...
Turbo.
He's still going.
Son of a gun.
Come on, come on!
Unbelievable! The race is back on!
-Excuse me.
-Excuse me.
Little Amigo!
Hey, snail!
He's gradually gaining on you!
Come on! Come on!
Turbo! Tuck and roll!
And Turbo wins it by a shell!
That's what I'm talking about!
Chet! Chet!
Turbo!
Chet!
We won, right? We just won?
We won.
Hey, everybody!
My brother won the Indy 5,000!
Wow. That's so romantic.
Hey, Angelo. We did it!
We did it. We did it!
Free tacos for everybody!
Snail power, baby!
Mom.
Hey, Gagn! Why don't you pick on
someone your own size?
-You big bad boy!
-Security!
I step on you! Do you like that?
-Sleeper hold!
-All right.
Let go of me! I'm just an old lady!
Kim Ly Nail Salon!
That's our snail!
It's like I always said, Little Amigo,
you are amazing!
Okay, wait.
Just keep your eyes closed
until I say so, okay?
Tito, this is stupid.
Ta-da!
Hello, Angelo. Let's get cooking.
Boom!
The stove talks, bro.
No, honey, soonest available
three months from now, 6:00 AM.
Brenda, that daisy
really brings out your foot!
Hey, I'm not paying you guys
to sit around and look pretty.
Now, that's more like it.
Check it out.
Whoa. This guy is good.
And last, but not least, Sanitation.
Nice choice, young man.
Come on, boys.
It's time to take out the trash.
Take a look at this place.
Like I said,
your skills have truly paid the bills.
Yeah, bills.
What you saying, bro?
All racers to the starting line.
Hey, T.
You gonna be okay
without those fancy magic superpowers?
Sure. It never stopped any of you.
Yeah!
Qu pasa, my friend?
You see that? All these people?
You did that, Little Amigo.
You put this place on the map.
You really are my little shooting star.
I almost forgot. I got you something.
Pam!
You won't be missing this.
What? You're all better.
That's nice.
Okay, listen up.
Let's have a nice, safe race out there today.
Don't want any accidents.
That being said,
blow them off the track, bro.
I love a man in uniform. For real!
Simmer down, boo. I'm on duty, here.
On your mark.
All right, so, you got a new shell.
But can yours do this? Hit it, Burn!
Get set.
Go.
-Come on! Let's do it!
-Yeah!
Hello!
Yes, sir.
What'd I say?
What'd I say?
Oh, yeah!
White Shadow!
I can tuck. I can tuck.
Okay, baby, here we go.
Come on.
I did it!
I tucked! I tucked!
And we're back at the final stretch
of the Indianapolis 500.
Guy Gagn is gaining on the pack.
The young French Canadian
is making quite an impression
in his debut here at the Motor Speedway.
In all my years of racing, I've never
seen a driver with this much raw talent.
But what's this?
Out of nowhere,
a dark horse is challenging Gagn.
He's gaining on the pack.
And down the front stretch.
Moving into fourth position... third...
Now, second!
Going to the outside
as they cross the bricks!
And it looks like the winner is Turbo!
Amazing! Unbelievable!
Instant replay. Again, in super slo-mo.
Welcome back, race fans.
We're here with Indy's brightest new star,
Guy Gagn.
Tell us, Guy, what inspired you
to become a race driver?
You know, Dan, everybody's got
that one thing that makes them happy.
And for me, it's terrifying,
terrifying blazing speed.
Guy!
-One at a time, please.
-Theo!
Yes, the handsome fellow in the back.
What are you doing?
What I've always done.
Stay focused, try to run my race.
That's all any driver can do.
Next question.
Can you please go to sleep?
We've got work tomorrow.
Sleep? Are you kidding me?
It takes hours to come down
after a big race like this.
Yeah, I bet. Okay.
They are the fuel that keeps me running!
Guy, when you were just a rookie
starting out in the Indy Lights,
did you ever dream
that you'd be standing here today?
Well, as my dear father
always told me,
"No dream is too big,
and no dreamer
-"too small."
-Too small.
Sleep!
Head in the game. Head in the game.
Yes! Seventeen minutes!
That's a new record!
Theo!
Good morning.
Let's go, people! Pick it up!
Turbo, ready to make his move.
Did you see that? She cut me off!
The joys of racing.
How could anyone not see the appeal
of watching a bunch of cars,
drive around in circles
for hours on end?
Left turn! Left turn! Left turn!
Your ignorance saddens me to no end.
Left turn! "What do I do here?
Oh, no, wait a minute. Left turn!"
'Morning, Chet!
How's it going, Sally?
-'Morning, Chet.
-'Morning, Phil.
Well, that's a shame.
And so begins another wonderful
work week at the plant.
All right, people, we got
a lot of tomatoes to harvest today.
We got to pick them,
we got to sort them, we got to eat them.
But most importantly, we got to be...
Safe.
Yes! Music to my ears.
Look at her.
Nice curves.
You are one giant, juicy temptress.
Big Red.
Any day now.
Any day now.
Overripe!
Overripe!
Overripe!
Oh, no.
Here we go.
Bring it on.
Not this time.
And the cars are at the starting line.
Gagn's in the top pole position,
driving his trademark
number one overripe tomato.
Next to him
is that feisty young upstart, Turbo.
Gentlemen, start your engines.
Gagn rolls into the lead
around the first turn
with Turbo hot on his tail
into the straightaway.
Hey, there he goes again.
And down the homestretch,
the crowd goes wild!
Go, Turbo!
They're neck and neck!
Gagn, Turbo! Turbo, Gagn!
-And it looks like the winner is...
-Turbo! Turbo! Turbo!
So close!
It's a photo finish!
Overripe!
All right, all right, knock it off.
Talk to your brother, Chet. Or I will.
I'm on it, Carl.
This will not happen again.
Heard that before.
Okay.
That's lunch!
You do this to yourself, you know.
I mean, look at you.
How could they not make fun of you?
It's like you're almost forcing them.
If you'd just quit it
with the speed stuff...
I can't help it.
It's in me.
No. It is not "in" you.
Says who?
Nature. Mother Nature.
Maybe you've heard of her?
We all have our limitations, Theo.
And the sooner you accept the dull,
miserable reality of your existence,
the happier you'll be.
Wow. Aren't you
just a little ray of sunshine?
Heads up! Shell crusher, two o' clock!
All right, people, you know the drill.
Tuck and roll!
Can't tuck. I can't tuck!
Theo, tuck and roll!
We've been over this.
I don't tuck and roll.
You have a shell for a reason.
Use it.
You use it.
I mean, come on,
he's not even looking this way.
Hey, Juice Box, nice tricycle!
You see what I'm saying?
All right, good hustle.
Good hustle, everybody!
Almost everybody.
Quitting time!
Good night, Jim! Night, Sally!
Night, Steve!
I don't know your name.
I'm out of here! Bye!
You're watching Fast!
Sponsored by Adrenalode!
Adrenalode, not legal in
Utah and South Dakota.
Do not exceed more than two cans
of Adrenalode in a 24-hour period.
Do not expose Adrenalode
to flame, or to water, or to sand.
Yes!
That tastes awesome.
Welcome back to
The Road to Indianapolis.
I'm here with five-time Indy champ,
the legendary Guy Gagn!
I love you, Guy!
Tell us, Guy, do you have any advice
for the future racers out there
who might be watching at home right now?
Oh, my gosh. That's me, that's me.
Well, there comes a time
in every race
when a driver is forced to make
that one, key, split-second decision.
Fall behind, or push ahead.
Push ahead!
To take a chance and risk it all,
or play it safe and suffer defeat.
Risk it all, Guy!
But what really separates
the racers from the champions...
Yes!
...that one thing that separates
the ordinary from the extraordinary...
What is it?
That one thing is...
No!
No, you didn't!
No! No! No! No! No!
Come back to me, TV!
-Only you have your finger on the...
-It's working!
-'Morning, Bob.
-'Morning, Sally.
'Morning, Steve.
'Morning...
You know, this is good.
Yes, this is good.
I daresay we've had
a breakthrough, here.
With that TV gone,
you can finally get out of that garage
and put all that racing nonsense
behind you.
And do what?
Start living your life.
I have a life?
Big Red?
Big Red!
I can't tuck. I can't tuck!
-Yes!
-Finally!
All right, let's chow down!
Hit the brakes, people.
It's Gardener Day.
You're quitting? Just like that?
Hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
That's a bad thing.
"There comes a time in every race
"when a driver is forced to make
that one, key, split-second decision."
What did he just say?
"Take a chance and risk it all,
or play it safe and suffer defeat."
Okay, enough with the crazy talk, Theo.
Just step away from the grass
and get back to work.
Theo!
And the cars are at the starting line.
Gentlemen, start your engines.
And once again, it's Turbo out front.
No dream is too big.
In the high lane! At the stripe!
And it looks like the winner is...
Tuck and roll, Theo! Tuck and roll!
No!
Are you insane?
You could've gotten yourself killed!
Theo, what were you thinking?
I thought I could get there.
When are you gonna wake up?
I wish...
I wish I was...
That was close.
Oh, no.
Yeah!
No, no, no! Come on! Faster!
No, no, no!
What happened?
Hey, hey, hey! Get out of here!
Not dead! Not dead!
It reeks in here.
It's like wearing a hat
made out of feet.
Home.
All right.
I'm okay.
That's peculiar.
Okay, what's happening to me?
What? That's me!
Come on! Stop it!
Quiet, quiet!
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
Welcome, everyone,
to this monthly safety meeting.
Well, there goes Jerry.
I'm going to
hand things over to Chet, now,
who has some important
new policies to go over.
Thank you very much, Carl.
Good afternoon, everyone.
I'm happy to "poli-see"
you all here today.
Okay. I would like to begin
with some very exciting news.
The latest figures are in.
Accidental smushes were down 15 percent.
Well done, team.
Yo, yo! You're listening to 98.6
where hip-hop... beats.
Finally.
Huh?
What in the...
Help!
Stop! Stop, stop!
Mom!
Yeah!
Oh, no!
And so, in preparation for
Crow Awareness Week,
I'd just like to say...
Tuck and roll!
No, I'm not kidding! Tuck and roll!
Look out!
Granted, yes,
I admit that there's been
a wee bit of damage to inventory, here,
but if you'd just let me explain...
You're fired!
Whoa, okay, Carl,
if you just give him one more chance,
I promise that this will never, ever...
You don't understand.
You're fired.
"You," plural.
Youse. Y'all. Both of you!
Chet. I'm so sorry.
You have to believe me,
I didn't mean for this to...
All my life.
All my life,
I've defended you, covered for you,
stood up for you, apologized for you,
and this is what I get in return.
Dragged down with you
on your sinking ship.
A nice, comfy deck chair
on the S.S. Theo!
Aye-aye, Captain!
I'm really sorry.
What is wrong with you?
I don't know.
All I know is, the other night,
I'm standing above the 101,
and all of a sudden...
It was a rhetorical question!
Chet!
Help! The world is moving!
Coming through!
Okay, I'm gonna wake up any minute now.
Wake up! Wake up!
Chet?
Easy now, fellas.
You really don't wanna do this.
Chet!
Am I dead? Is this heaven?
I pictured it cleaner.
Come on, get up.
Theo. The crows got you, too.
What? No, Chet, it wasn't the crows.
It was...
Look at this place.
-Broken glass, rusty nails.
-Breathe.
-Discarded salt packets!
-A few, yeah.
It's like a minefield out here.
Oh, no.
I've got tetanus. I've got tetanus.
My jaw is locking up.
Chet, will you calm down?
There is no reason to panic.
Everything's gonna be just fine.
Well, well, well.
Buenas noches, little amigos.
This must be my lucky day.
Hola. It's Tito.
Hey, tell everyone I'm bringing it.
What is this place?
Well, well, well.
Somebody better call the cops,
because I'm about to make a killing.
Killing?
What'd he drag in this time?
Whiplash is going to eat them up.
It's gonna be a slaughter.
Mm-hmm, dead meat.
We're gonna die. We're gonna die.
Come on, come on. Now, hurry up.
A little far from home aren't you,
garden snail?
Hey, I think we got a crier here.
Let's do this!
I got this one! Oh, I got this one!
Yeah. Yeah, yeah!
Come on! This is me!
Time to go, Theo.
Ready...
Set...
Go!
Look. He dead.
Taco Man found dead snail.
What?
Run!
Santa Maria!
What did you say your name was again?
My name is Turbo.
I wish I could rename myself.
Where did you find him?
How did he do that?
Where did you come from?
Hey, how'd you do that?
Theo. A word, please.
Okay, that was...
Amazing, right?
If you think that's something,
check this out.
Turn it off!
Sorry. High beams. Sorry.
That's a new one.
It's okay, it's okay, Theo.
Just hang in there.
As soon as we get home,
we're gonna get you fixed.
What? I don't need to be fixed.
There's nothing wrong with me, Chet.
Nothing wrong with you? Well, you're...
You're a freak of nature.
I know, I know! Isn't it great?
Theo!
You know what? I prefer "Turbo."
I don't know
what crazy lab you escaped from
but you're amazing, Little Amigo.
Amazing!
Tito!
One second, please.
Do you see that sign? What does it say?
Angelo...
It says, "Dos Bros Tacos."
"Dos" Bros, Tito. Not "Uno" Bro.
You're supposed to be out there,
selling tacos,
not racing snails.
I know, but this little guy
is something special.
I'm telling you, Angelo,
the customers are gonna be lining up
around the block.
I can see it already.
"Come for the snail racing,
stay for the chimichangas."
Get your head out of the clouds, Tito.
It's enough with your crazy schemes.
No! You're a taco genius, Angelo.
And it is my mission in life
to share your gift with the world.
Great.
Then first thing in the morning,
get in that truck
and go sell some tacos.
Tito.
You sure you had enough to eat?
Are you tired?
Here, I made up your bed.
Now, it might get
a little chilly tonight.
So, I warmed up your blanket.
There you go. All comfy and cozy.
Sweet dreams, Little Amigo.
I'll see you in the morning.
Did he really just kiss you goodnight?
He did. Jealous?
Question.
What gives with the super-speed?
Hey, hey, you a robot?
Are you radioactive, homie?
Is it contagious?
Give the kid some space.
I'm Whiplash. And this here is my crew.
I'm Skidmark!
Ah, yeah!
And I'm Burn. Sizzle, sizzle, uh-uh.
The name is Smoove Move.
I set the tone around here, you dig?
Now check this. Right about now,
I'm moving so fast, the whole world's
going in slow motion, baby.
Here one second, gone the next.
They call me the White Shadow!
Because I'm so fast,
all you see is my shadow.
I don't get it.
I'm fast, like a shadow!
Yeah, but shadows,
they're not inherently fast.
White Shadow...
I can still see you.
Listen, garden snail, you clearly
got the skills to pay the bills.
If snails had to pay bills, that is.
You would be able to pay them.
Yeah, bills.
Paid in full, son.
So, I'm here to invite you
to join our crew.
Join your crew?
Did I say something humorous?
I'm sorry.
It's just that you guys are, you know,
kind of slow-ish.
Really? To our faces?
Theo, what are you doing?
Now, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear
what I clearly just heard.
Heard what? I didn't hear anything.
Nothing out of order, did you, Theo?
I meant what I said.
Then you better put your money
where your mouth is.
Snails don't have money.
Otherwise, we'd be able to
pay the bills. Remember?
Your trash talk
is needlessly complicated.
Is it? Or is it that your unpaid bills
are overdue?
Enough talk. It's time for action.
It's simple. First one to the top
of that shooting star
wins.
You guys? Way up there, huh? Awesome.
Let me get my calendar
so I can time you.
You got jokes, rookie?
Laugh it up, garden snail.
On your mark...
Get yourself set...
Prepare to be White Shadowed!
Whoa!
Yeah!
Yeah! Bam!
Coming through!
Those guys are crazy!
Those guys are awesome.
Hey, player! The party up here!
How do I get up there?
Later!
Coming through!
Yeah!
Who's "slow-ish" now, garden snail?
Today, everything changes!
Tito, what are you doing?
Planning a "taco-volution"!
It's a little concept that I came up with.
When you combine the words...
"Taco" and "revolution." I get it.
But how is that supposed
to help us sell tacos?
Patience, bro.
Taco-volutions don't happen in a day.
And next up on our tour
is the L.A. River.
Famous for its appearance...
Get! Get out!
Sorry, Paz. Can you throw that up here?
Coming to getcha! I'm coming to getcha!
Bye.
Hey!
Valley Hobby, this is Bobby,
how can I help you?
No, you got the wrong number.
Yeah, okay.
That's what I'm talking about!
You want Jackson Five on your feet?
One Jackson per toe.
Sure, knock yourself out.
Can't get no better.
Okay. So, what's your plan?
Stay here in this rundown strip mall?
With a bunch of lunatic snails,
and a nutso taco man
who is using you to sell Mexican food?
Because if that's your plan,
then whoopty-skippy-do, sign me up!
My ears are burning.
I hope you're not talking about me.
You two seem to have
a special connection, Little Amigo,
and Snail Who Seems To Be
Friends With Little Amigo.
Is this your mother?
Your sister?
Say no more. It's your girlfriend.
She's a cutie.
Women.
I have to admit,
I was kind of hoping the taco-volution
would've started by now.
It doesn't make sense.
With my brains and your speed,
we should be destined for greatness,
right?
We need to think big, Little Amigo.
I'm talking commercials,
talk shows, county fairs.
Flea markets.
No, farmers' markets. No, supermarkets.
We'll cover all the markets.
Quinceaeras,
confirmations, graduations.
The Indy 500.
I got it.
We can have our very own telenovela!
What? No.
This is it, Chet.
I knew we ended up here for a reason.
Will you just slow down for a second?
Slow down? Are you kidding?
I'm never going slow again!
Theo, stop.
What are you trying to say?
I wanna enter him in the Indy 500.
The Indy 500?
What are you talking about?
What is he talking about?
Now, look,
I know it may sound a little crazy...
No, no, no, Tito,
that doesn't sound crazy.
Dos Bros Tacos and Sushi.
That was crazy.
What? People love sushi.
Dos Bros Tacos and Monkey Petting Zoo.
That was crazy.
The babies were cute.
The adults were just so mean.
Taco Man and his sidekick, the Churro.
That was off-the-hook crazy!
Crazy awesome.
But this, Tito?
This is in a category all by itself.
Angelo, please.
Come on, Chet. Just hear me out.
Theo, a snail cannot race
in a competition meant for cars.
There are rules.
Actually,
I've been doing a lot of research,
and there's nothing in the rules
that says a snail can't enter the race.
There's nothing that says this sponge
can't enter the race either,
but that doesn't mean
it's ever gonna happen.
Millions of people watch that race.
This could put us on the map, bro.
-Trying to work, here.
-Come on, Angelo.
All we have to do
is raise the $20,000 registration fee.
What?
-I figured, once we sell the truck...
-Sell the...
Are you even
listening to yourself, Tito?
You want to invest
our entire life savings in a snail!
I'm telling you, this snail
crawled into our lives for a reason.
I think he could be
our little shooting star.
Did you hear that, Chet?
This guy believes in me.
That guy is as crazy as you are.
They'll never let you into that race.
And even if they did,
you wouldn't survive one lap.
-Yeah, but...
-Angelo, listen...
-Tito!
-Theo!
Not every dream is meant to come true.
Yeah, what he said.
A snail in the Indy 500.
What will you think of next?
Don't worry, Little Amigo.
We'll get that entrance fee somehow.
Now, I know some people may say
$20,000 sounds like a lot of money.
It is a lot of money.
And I know some people
may say I'm crazy.
But I say, when a snail crawls
into your life at 200 miles an hour,
then you'd have to be crazy
not to grab onto that shell,
and take a ride of a lifetime.
Now,
in case you're still not convinced...
Boom! Check out my well-designed
endorsement poster.
What's your point, Tito?
My point is, we got a chance
to change our lives for the better.
To make Starlight Plaza
the great place we all know it could be.
Now, come on.
Who's ready to sponsor
the next Indy 500 champion?
Sorry, Tito, but I've got work to do.
No, you don't. None of you do.
I don't get it. That poster was awesome.
Well, good try, you did your best.
Time to go home, Theo.
We're going to Indianapolis, Chet.
Don't you worry
your chubby little face about that.
All right, team.
Snail up!
And next up on our tour
is the L.A. River.
Famous for its appearance
in such movies as...
You've just been White Shadowed!
Next stop is the Starlight Plaza.
Yes!
Burn. Let's get this party started.
You know it.
Snailed it.
Skidmark. You bringing the beverages?
I got a beverage for you.
And a beverage for you.
Light her up, Turbo.
Do your thing, baby.
Whoa.
Hey, Angelo! We got customers.
Whoa!
Okay, you ready?
Go!
All right. You're good to go.
Okay, everybody. Back on the bus.
Mama, you look good!
Bye. Come again.
I do weddings, bar mitzvahs.
Thank you. Come back soon.
Tomorrow, later on today. I'll be here.
Good luck with that snail of yours.
Thank you, my friend.
I gotta hand it to you, Tito.
For once,
one of your crazy schemes worked.
I know!
And, hey, if we did better
because of that billboard,
just imagine what the Indy 500 could do.
Hey, don't go crazy on me.
We had a good day.
We sold a few extra tacos.
It's good enough.
You better not mess this up, Tito.
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
We're going to Indianapolis, Chet!
"I" to the "N" to the "Dizzy"
to the "Wizzah." You dig?
Yes, sir.
One breakfast burrito, please.
That's it.
I'm sorry, honey. Today is the day.
Tito!
Are you ready, big man?
On three. One, two...
Indy, baby!
I got it!
"Fasty"!
Are you kidding me?
"Turbo"!
All right, as the kids say,
"Time to plump your ride."
Heck, no!
Let's do this.
Now, that's more like it.
No twitching. Voil!
Suited and booted, gooted and looted,
dipped and whipped!
We've got a contender, baby!
Look at him go!
Fresh air, baby.
We ain't in Van Nuys no more.
Hi, Chet.
You're gonna be my boyfriend!
I'm gonna call you "boo."
"Boo"? What does that even mean?
Sure beats the view
from the garden, huh?
I can't believe you're doing this.
"We." We are doing this.
You. I'm just a hostage.
Theo, what happens if you wake up
tomorrow, and your powers are gone?
What then?
Then I better make the most of today.
This is even bigger than Hobby-Con.
Wow. Now, that's a car.
Whoa. Shiny.
Gagn.
And Guy Gagn wins the pole,
with a four-lap average
of 230 miles per hour.
That's Gagn's best time yet.
Turbo has never gone that fast.
I mean, yet.
So, you got a plan, Taco Man?
Of course I do.
Please tell me those phony glasses
are not your plan.
No. That would be ridiculous.
Come on, phony glasses, do your thing.
This great.
I'm gonna go have heart attack.
Qu pasa, my friend?
I have a driver that
I'd like to enter into the race.
What team does your driver race for?
Dos Bros Tacos and Company.
Has he passed the rookie test?
Hey, come here.
Let's cut to the chase, okay?
You have glasses, I have glasses.
What do we gotta do
to get this done, bro?
Hey, let go. Come on, man, let go!
This is no way to treat a guy with glasses.
I have astigmatism and stuff.
Yeah, yeah.
Guy, how do you do it, shattering
your own records year after year?
Well,
when a cheetah chases after a gazelle,
does he ever stop to think,
"Maybe I've caught enough gazelles.
"Maybe I should just settle down,
try the vegan thing."
No! He keeps running
as long as his legs will carry him.
I am like the cheetah. I never give up.
Next question.
All right, give me the keys.
I'll drive the first shift home.
Whoa!
What gives?
No, no, no!
Can I help you, monsieur?
One second, please.
What are you doing?
Are you trying to get me arrested?
Oh.
Sorry! So sorry.
We'll have this under control...
Ladies and gentlemen!
I give you the next Indy 500 champion!
Is that a snail?
Your driver is a snail?
What kind of welcome is that?
I'd say an appropriate welcome,
given the situation.
All right. Game over, nut job.
Let's go.
Have a nice flight, Chet.
-Hit it!
-White Shadow!
Bonzai!
Get off!
Pedal to the metal, Turbo.
Go!
Whoa!
Yeah!
Whoa! That snail is fast!
What did I miss? What did I miss?
226! That's fast enough to qualify!
That's what I'm talking about!
Whoa! That snail is fast!
Man, wait until people see this!
Whoa! That snail is fast!
What? Are you seeing this?
-Hello?
-Have you heard?
Yes, I've heard.
That snail is fast.
Forget about it.
This will blow over by noon.
Whoa! That snail is fast!
-Hello?
-Have you seen it?
Yes, I've seen it!
Whoa! That snail is fast!
What?
Snail is fast!
You see the snail moving fast
You slow, you gonna get passed
You see him gaining position for first
He won't be last
He's ready to make a dash
Snail quicker than a lightning flash
His engine's roaring, he's flooring
He won't run out of gas
Whoa! That snail is fast!
Whoa! Are you seeing this?
Whoa!
You cannot have a snail in the Indy 500.
It's a miracle of nature!
Will the snail be crushed
by the giant race cars?
That snail is fast, fast, fast
Fast, fast, fast, fast
Whoa. That snail is fast.
We've just received word that the CEO
of IndyCar is about to make a statement.
And so,
after careful consideration and...
That snail is fast
That snail is fast
Sorry. My bad.
I've decided...
Please, say yes. Please, say yes.
Please, say no. Please, say no.
White Shadow.
I've decided that I simply cannot permit
a snail to enter...
Please, sir, give my snail a shot,
and I swear, you won't regret it.
Mr. Lopez, while I appreciate
your enthusiasm, my decision is...
Let him race!
Let him race!
Let him race!
Let him race! Let him race!
Let him race!
Now, now. Order.
Sir, if I may.
You might want to get a two-shot here.
I, like this passionate gentleman here,
came from humble beginnings.
In the words of my dear father,
"No dream is too big,
and no dreamer, too small."
And that is why I, for one,
believe that if the Indy 500
isn't going to put a limit on speed,
then it shouldn't put a limit on spirit!
Give the people what they want.
Let him race!
Let him race! Let him race!
Let him race!
Just me.
Whole frame, my face.
All right!
"All right," what?
Your snail can compete
in the Indianapolis 500.
Yeah!
Has the world lost its mind?
To Turbo!
Starlight Plaza! Hey!
He ain't slow no more.
That's for sure.
Shut the door.
Get on the floor.
Barbeque sauce!
And we're back with more
from Indianapolis.
Check it out. We're on TV.
Mr. Lopez, how do you feel about
getting to compete in the Indy 500?
I'm just so happy.
And we'd all be happy to see you
come on down to the Starlight Plaza.
Just north of the 101
in Van Nuys, California.
Kim Ly Nail Salon.
Where we put the "nail" in "snail."
Taco Man cried
in front of millions of people.
Here you go, Paz. Nice and warm.
Goodnight, Tito.
-You comfy enough, Bobby?
-No.
Okay, let me know if you need anything.
Hey! No touching!
Smooth, smooth, smooth.
Sleep tight, Little Amigo.
We got a big day tomorrow.
Yep.
Big day, indeed.
I'm detecting
a refreshing note of disapproval.
I'm worried. And you should be, too.
I'll be fine.
You are delusional, you know that?
It's Big Red all over again.
Only this time,
instead of one lawn mower,
it'll be 32 giant, fire-breathing cars!
And I won't be able to save you.
You won't have to, because this time,
I have speed.
You're not a car. You're a snail.
I got a shot here, Chet.
I can do this. You'll see.
No, I won't.
I will not stand by
and watch the only brother I've got
risk his life
chasing some impossible dream.
I'm sorry, Theo.
All of these people, they believe in me.
Guy Gagn believes in me.
Why won't you?
And by the way, my name is Turbo.
All right. Tout suite, let's go.
Whoa.
2.2-liter turbo V6.
24-valve quad-overhead cam.
Fastest open-wheel,
single-seat machine on the planet.
I think I'm in love.
No way.
You're not trying
to steal my trophy from me, are you?
Because if you want one for yourself,
you may have a long wait.
Espresso?
So, you are my little competition, eh?
The underdog versus the champion.
The world loves the underdogs, you know.
The dreamers out there, they need them.
Need to believe that one day, maybe
they could achieve the impossible, too.
Well, the sad truth is,
underdogs seldom win.
And dreamers?
Let's just say, eventually,
they have to wake up.
I've never talked to a snail before.
So small, so amusing.
No wonder they want to see you race, eh?
Vroom! Vroom!
Look at him go.
Thank you, plucky snail.
Because of you,
the whole world will be watching this race.
And when the checkered flag drops,
they'll be watching me win.
Crawl home, garden snail,
while you still can.
Good afternoon, race fans,
and welcome to this year's running
of the Indianapolis 500.
Televised in over 200 countries
and aired in 33 different languages,
this is no longer just a race,
this is the day you'll be telling
your grandchildren about.
Where were you the day they let
a snail race in the Indy 500?
Okay, time to go. You ready?
All right, team meeting. Bring it in.
This is it, Little Amigo.
This is our moment. Our time.
Today is the day we make our mark.
Everybody in! It's go time!
Oh, Theo. Be careful out there.
Hey, little snail. Are you lost?
No.
Are you a boy, or a girl?
Why is this confusing? I'm not a girl!
And there they are, folks.
Some of the biggest names in motorsport.
Shelby Stone,
hot off her win in Sao Paulo.
And there's Claudio Cruz,
a.k.a. "The Brazilian Butcher."
He actually was a butcher
before he got into race car driving.
Gagn! Gagn! Gagn!
Hey!
And here he comes, folks,
le man, le myth, le legend...
le "if I could choose anybody in the world
to be my best friend it would be..."
Guy Gagn!
Yes, yes. "Gagn, Gagn!"
You know, food trucks
are actually very popular these days.
And I tell you what,
I do love a good torta.
Yeah!
And would you look at those t-shirts?
It is amazing what you can do
on your printer at home.
Tito, you better know what you're doing.
Here you go, little snail.
Now you've got the best seat in the house.
Oh, no. Nope.
This isn't happening.
I gotta get out of here.
Stay here. I'll be right back.
Help! Let me out. Let me out!
Breathe.
Good afternoon and welcome
to what has become the most
anticipated and unprecedented
running of the Indianapolis 500.
So, without further ado,
ladies and gentlemen, and snail,
start your engines!
It's like an earthquake!
I love it. Is it weird that I love it?
Everyone, off the track, please.
See you in the winner's circle,
garden snail.
Easy to the peasy, baby.
Everything's gonna be fine, okay?
We can do this, right?
I wish I was tiny,
so I can give you a hug.
Get off the track!
Okay, okay, I'm going!
Good luck out there, Turbo!
Did anybody bring earplugs?
What?
I can't watch this.
The pace car is off
and the parade laps are underway.
Only moments until the green flag drops,
and history is made here at Indianapolis.
Let's do this.
And the race is on!
You go, Turbo!
Turbo, struggling out there.
Looks like the party is over
for the motoring mollusk.
He's getting killed out there.
What have we done?
Whoa. That snail is history.
I think I'm gonna be sick.
Come on, garden snail.
Get your head in the game!
Go, go, go!
All right, go, go, go!
Come on!
We're supposed to be a team, here!
We're trying.
It's a snail.
There's not that much to do.
That's it. This pit crew
is officially under new management.
Now, this is how it's done. Air jack.
Jack-tivate.
-Lube.
-Applied liberally.
Detailing.
Wax on, wax off.
-Fuel!
-Down the hatch.
Chug! Chug! Chug!
Foot massage.
You know it.
Relaxing vibes.
Own it, brother.
Now, de-lax those vibes!
Are you crazy?
Yeah, I'm crazy!
What made you think I was sane?
I don't know how to...
-Are you a car?
-No.
Are you a car?
No!
Then stop driving like one!
Now get out there. Snail up, baby!
Go, T-boogie, go!
Gagn with a commanding lead now.
Followed by Claudio Cruz,
Shelby Stone and Takao Noguchi.
Go!
Come on.
Snail up.
Snail up!
Yes!
I don't believe it!
Turbo just went under a car!
Did you see that?
Despite a rocky start,
it looks like Turbo is gaining some ground.
Yeah! Now we're talking!
Where is he? Where is he?
He passed another one!
Yeah!
That's my brother, right there.
That's the back of his head!
Go, go, go! Left turn! Left turn!
Yeah! Left turn!
Turbo maneuvers past Shelby Stone
and into second place!
He is hot on Gagn's heels!
The snail's not going away, Guy.
All right, I know, I know!
These racers better watch it
coming into turn four.
This late in the race,
that outside edge is full of marbles.
And you don't want to play
with these marbles, kids.
That rubber peeling off the tires
can be a minefield for these drivers.
Here we go.
Turbo!
Oh, no.
Oh, man.
What are we gonna do?
If he takes another hit like that last one...
You gotta pull him, Tito.
I'm sorry, Little Amigo. It's over.
Hey.
We got this far. It's good enough.
No, it's not.
With the green flag about to be waved,
it looks like a mere formality at this point.
Gagn, just five laps away from victory.
Wait a minute!
Turbo is still in this thing!
What?
Whoa! What happened there?
Come on, come on!
No!
Theo!
No!
Not this time. Come on!
Come on, Turbo. Come on, Turbo.
Come on,
just hold in there a little longer.
No!
No!
Farewell, little snail.
Unbelievable! Turbo takes the lead.
Snail-style, baby!
Bad idea. Bad idea.
And the white flag is in the air
as we enter the 200th and final lap.
Turbo weaving between lapped cars
like a snail possessed.
He is determined to hold onto his lead.
No!
I will not lose to a snail!
Gagn is in the marbles!
Guy, what are you doing?
Theo!
Turbo!
The track is backed up
all the way down the front straight.
It's complete gridlock down there.
I can't see him. I can't see him.
Guy, are you okay?
Where am I?
There he is.
Theo.
Let's finish this.
Oh, no.
Turbo.
No, no, no.
Theo, what are you doing? Don't give up.
Hey! Where are you going?
No, no!
Get back here! No, wait!
No! Little snail!
Theo!
Is that Chet?
Now, I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear
what I clearly just heard.
Salt!
Crows? Are you kidding me?
Long time no see, Chet!
Hey! Don't test me, crow.
White Shadow!
Nice moves back there, boo.
Is this really necessary?
No, man. But it's fun.
Theo!
Theo!
Chet?
Finish this!
I can't.
Oh, yes, you can.
You're right, you know.
It is in you. It's always been in you.
Now, I did not just face
every fear known to snail-kind
to come down here
and watch you hide in your shell.
I'm sitting on a crow,
for crying out loud!
Don't even think about it.
And my little brother never gives up.
That's the best thing about you.
So, you get out there
and you win this...
Turbo.
He's still going.
Son of a gun.
Come on, come on!
Unbelievable! The race is back on!
-Excuse me.
-Excuse me.
Little Amigo!
Hey, snail!
He's gradually gaining on you!
Come on! Come on!
Turbo! Tuck and roll!
And Turbo wins it by a shell!
That's what I'm talking about!
Chet! Chet!
Turbo!
Chet!
We won, right? We just won?
We won.
Hey, everybody!
My brother won the Indy 5,000!
Wow. That's so romantic.
Hey, Angelo. We did it!
We did it. We did it!
Free tacos for everybody!
Snail power, baby!
Mom.
Hey, Gagn! Why don't you pick on
someone your own size?
-You big bad boy!
-Security!
I step on you! Do you like that?
-Sleeper hold!
-All right.
Let go of me! I'm just an old lady!
Kim Ly Nail Salon!
That's our snail!
It's like I always said, Little Amigo,
you are amazing!
Okay, wait.
Just keep your eyes closed
until I say so, okay?
Tito, this is stupid.
Ta-da!
Hello, Angelo. Let's get cooking.
Boom!
The stove talks, bro.
No, honey, soonest available
three months from now, 6:00 AM.
Brenda, that daisy
really brings out your foot!
Hey, I'm not paying you guys
to sit around and look pretty.
Now, that's more like it.
Check it out.
Whoa. This guy is good.
And last, but not least, Sanitation.
Nice choice, young man.
Come on, boys.
It's time to take out the trash.
Take a look at this place.
Like I said,
your skills have truly paid the bills.
Yeah, bills.
What you saying, bro?
All racers to the starting line.
Hey, T.
You gonna be okay
without those fancy magic superpowers?
Sure. It never stopped any of you.
Yeah!
Qu pasa, my friend?
You see that? All these people?
You did that, Little Amigo.
You put this place on the map.
You really are my little shooting star.
I almost forgot. I got you something.
Pam!
You won't be missing this.
What? You're all better.
That's nice.
Okay, listen up.
Let's have a nice, safe race out there today.
Don't want any accidents.
That being said,
blow them off the track, bro.
I love a man in uniform. For real!
Simmer down, boo. I'm on duty, here.
On your mark.
All right, so, you got a new shell.
But can yours do this? Hit it, Burn!
Get set.
Go.
-Come on! Let's do it!
-Yeah!
Hello!
Yes, sir.
What'd I say?
What'd I say?
Oh, yeah!
White Shadow!
I can tuck. I can tuck.
Okay, baby, here we go.
Come on.
I did it!
I tucked! I tucked!