Typist Artist Pirate King (2022) Movie Script
1
Come on, Groupie.
Come on, come on.
There you go.
There you go.
That's it.
There you go. There you go.
It is my own home, Sandra Panza.
I should have the right
to choose
whether or not I admit someone
from the mental health service.
What? You not gonna turn round,
call my bluff and go,
"All right, Audrey. See ya."
And then come back again?
What's got into ya? You're as
unresponsive as a corpse.
You'll have something to say
when I'm dead, I bet.
People always do.
Where's that wry, smug laugh
of yours gone, Sandra?
I'll be writing
a letter of complaint
about your late arrival.
Yeah? Who to? The Queen?
That's more like it!
I'm writing a prcis of my life.
Presented to me
on my retirement as a typist...
Typist for Her Majesty's
Government. Yeah.
This stuff...
That's my art.
I used to be in the kitchen-sink
school of realism,
but now I'm avant-garde
and misunderstood.
"Better blood pressure
than mine."
Huh?
That's what
you usually say, Sandra.
Any changes
we should be aware of?
You're unusually formal today
in approach.
But your appearance
has slipped to an all-time low.
Any changes with you?
I had a dream.
Not really the kind
of changes we're after.
But the dream presaged...
Looks like you need
a new calendar, Audrey.
It's important
that the records show
I was first hospitalised
while an award-winning
painting student
at the Royal Academy of Arts.
It's where the visionary genius
William Blake studied.
-Did you get on with them?
-Oh! Take this down.
Due to my endless
forced imprisonment
in mental hospitals,
my art has been ignored.
It has been my biggest regret.
What?
You need
to drive myself and my art...
to this gallery
before the deadline.
As much as I'd love to...
Love to? Arse-lick!
You can't stand the idea.
And don't go telling me
you haven't the time.
I found time
to travel the world.
Yeah? So?
And that.
Where have you ever been?
"Typist Artist Pirate King."
They let you put that?
I've got to go. Crisis meeting.
Cut the jargonese.
How does this make you feel?
You're just like my sister.
You know what my report said
in my student days?
"Outstanding. A rare artist."
Take me to the gallery.
It's a matter of urgency!
Enough dramarama!
Catch the bus!
You love a bus ride.
I had a bag of my sketches
stolen on the bus once.
Well, treat yourself to a taxi.
Last time I was in a taxi,
I was mistaken for a prostitute.
What about your sister?
Can't she take you?
She's in Yorkshire,
200 miles away!
She's not gonna
gallivant down here!
She hasn't wanted to see me
for six years.
You should know that
from the files.
-I've had a lot on mind, Audrey.
-As have I!
Care in the community.
Bum-suck!
Psychiatric nurses,
mere desperados
trying to get me on dope.
Foisted on me by the NHS!
I never wanted any of ya!
All the abominations.
And you,
you're the worst of the lot.
You're one giant fail!
"See you in two weeks."
That's what you normally say,
Sandra.
But don't worry,
I'll be off your hands by then!
I will not end
my days like this!
Arse-suckers!
I'm being used as a sex doll
in my own home!
Sex pots! Sex pests!
I'm a public convenience!
Pestilence! Prostitute! Pervert!
Human traffickers!
Audrey, it's me! Let me in!
"Do not darken my door again"
springs to mind.
Crack of dawn.
Urgent call. Raced over.
I've never seen you
so hyper-vigilant.
-It doesn't suit ya.
-Turn that off!
We can't have you screaming
your head off all night.
-Your neighbours can't take it.
-They can't take it?
They're the ones
sexually interfering with me
by remote control!
They should be drugged
and incarcerated, not me.
It's no way to live or die.
It's not a failure
to be mentally ill, Audrey.
I'm not mentally ill.
Mam's slippers.
So poignant.
Mam lived here with me
for over 30 years.
She sacrificed so much
for my art.
I recently wrote
to the Missing Persons Unit
about reuniting
with my mother and father,
but they wrote back
saying as they were deceased,
that wouldn't be possible.
Very ordinary minds,
these organisations.
I was 19 when my father died.
Me mam used to say to me,
"Eh, thank God your da
never saw how you've suffered."
My sister was 15 when he died.
Aren't you going
to take my blood pressure?
No need. I took it yesterday.
I think with the night I had,
it would be prudent.
-Better safe than sorry.
-Yeah.
Yeah. OK.
Here, Florence Nightingale.
Try my right arm for a change.
It wouldn't take
too much of your time
in the scheme of things,
would it?
-Where is it again?
-It's local.
OK. OK. You win.
Tip of the iceberg.
A mere fraction of my art.
Let's not take all day about it.
I haven't got long.
Me neither.
But if a thing's worth doing,
it's worth doing well.
That art, is it?
Use your imagination, Sandra.
Sterile.
No personality.
What's the address of the gallery
for the sat-nav thingy?
I don't trust such devices.
It's a simple route.
I'll direct you.
Left.
Rapid-moving,
fast-changing world.
When I first came to London,
it was only a few
people's priority to have a car.
My father passed away before I
moved here, but he used to say,
"Eh, none of those
London tricks."
Your sister, Dorothy.
Does she hate London?
Is that why she doesn't visit?
Must be close by now.
I still regard myself
as a local.
After all, I was born
and brought up there.
-Where?
-Sunderland.
Sunderland? The gallery's
in Sunderland? Jesus, that's...
In the Northeast of England.
...bloody hours away!
With comfort breaks,
seven hours.
It is 280 miles precisely.
Brought a brand-new toothbrush
and one of me mam's
nightdresses for you.
-You said it was local.
-It is to me!
There's tons of galleries
in London, aren't there?
London galleries
have always thrived on elitism
and I'm not their scene.
I've travelled the globe
as you know, Sandra.
But Sunderland
was once my entire world.
I know it's not
a major gallery of note,
but it means I will
finally have my exhibition.
I know full well
what's on your mind.
Oh, I doubt it.
You're thinking your bosses
won't allow you
to transport me
such a distance.
But the way I see it, you can't
just apply rules willy-nilly.
They're made to be broken.
I handed in my notice yesterday.
Today's my last day.
You left the service?
Without telling me?
No excuse not to drive me, then.
Oh, I'm sure
there's more important people
to see today than me.
I wasn't meant
to see anybody today,
but... your name came through
and I was...
I was concerned about you.
It's about time you broadened
your horizons, Sandra.
It'll stop you
getting so anxious.
Think of me. Do it for me.
"Let us not grow weary
of doing good,
for in due season we will reap
if we do not give up."
I shouldn't.
I've got paperwork to sort.
But you will? You'll drive me?
Yeah.
-All that way?
-Uh-huh.
But why?
Well, like you said,
it's... It's a good deed.
There's more to it than that,
I can tell.
What's on your mind?
There's something. I know it.
It's a ploy.
A trick to lock me up.
You're carting me off
to be incarcerated!
You're not acting like Sandra!
You're an impostor!
Audrey! Give me a break!
Do you want to go or not?
That's more like it.
Now you're sounding
like you again.
All right, I agree to go.
It'll do you good.
But let's get a move on.
Heave-ho!
Though not a driver myself,
at your speed,
the procedure would be
to remain in the left lane.
Yeah, I get it, Audrey.
You've never driven
on a motorway before, have you?
Sunshine's
not really built for motorways.
If A and B roads
were good enough for my father
and the car he doted on,
then they're good enough
for you and Sunshine.
Your diet, Audrey!
I'm not on a diet.
I meant the food you eat.
My sister Dorothy
often pushed the virtues
of healthy food on to me.
Dorothy had a point.
What's the point
of self-denial now?
I've not got long
to live anyway.
Where did this dying thing
of yours suddenly come from?
A dream.
Oh, well, a dream.
There are more things
in heaven and earth
than are dreamt of
in your philosophy, Sandra.
I did Shakespeare at school,
you know?
-Much ado about nothing.
-The quote is Hamlet.
I meant, in my opinion,
he's been over-hyped.
Much Ado About Nothing.
Hamlet.
Plays about deceit
and treachery.
Audrey!
Christ, don't do that!
I have to pray to St Christopher
for my own protection!
Hello, dear. Take a seat.
- Audrey.
- Oh, our youngest recruit yet.
Do sit, my love.
Close your eyes
and think of light.
Post tenebras lux!
You probably
don't recognise me, Miss Moul.
It's Audrey Amiss.
You always encouraged me,
even though my school reports
all indicated I had no sparkle
and I needed to speak up more.
I'm speaking up these days!
If we could
all turn the other way,
it's all about balance.
You likely remember my sister,
Dorothy Amiss.
She was the more sociable one.
She excelled at music.
Became a schoolteacher.
Audrey.
Everyone just wants to chill.
Miss Moul may be a yogi now,
but she was our headmistress
when my sister and myself
were at Bede Grammar School
for Girls!
According to what I heard,
Miss Moul rescued women
from prostitution
and educated them.
So, the yoga teacher
was your old headmistress?
Don't be such
a stick in the mud.
People are allowed
to change careers.
Well, a whole hour
of people farting on chairs?
No, thank you.
Glad we're out of there.
Hold your horses.
I'm not leaving.
I just need to take care
of some paperwork.
Bum-suck!
Nothing doing!
I've been trapped!
Hold tight. I'm on it.
No!
No!
It's OK. I'm here to help.
What a predicament.
We'll sort this in a jiffy.
I'm dying, Father.
I've not got long.
"You will not fear
the terror of the night,
nor the arrow
that flies by day."
"He shall cover you
with His wings
and you shall be safe
under His feathers."
Why did you lock the door?
Don't you trust me?
-Thanks.
-That must've been terrifying.
It feels like things
are happening out of time,
not necessarily in my past,
but in my future.
Breathe with me.
A deep breath
and hold and exhale.
Think of somewhere peaceful.
Some beautiful place.
Thank you for the faith
you had in me, Miss Moul.
Your spine-tingling words
still ring in my mind.
-Remember them?
-My memory's not what it was!
"You, my dear Audrey,
are gonna be one of the greatest
painters of the age."
You said, "How I long to hear
noble reports of you, Audrey,
in my retirement."
I didn't live up
to your hopes, Miss Moul.
You thought I was going
to be some Columbus,
conquering the global art scene.
Oh, my love.
I've never been disappointed.
Actually... I'm on the way
to getting
my first exhibition right now.
You see? It's never too late.
You've given me courage
to this day, Miss Moul.
Och, you have returned to me all
those feelings I had back then.
How glorious it was
to be regarded as an art star.
Post tenebras lux.
Our school motto.
Light after darkness.
And you.
You are a beacon of light
in this sick and ailing world.
Once upon a time,
I thought I was Jesus,
like many a psychiatric patient.
I can smell whisky.
What went on in that toilet?
In the biblical sense,
being locked in with the vicar
was a romantic pipedream.
But seeing Miss Moul again
was a revelation.
Look. Sandra, look.
How it catches the light.
How it curves
like a golden curl of hair.
Reminds me of my own hair
when I was a child.
Luxury!
A thing of great beauty.
It's a fake.
It's real in its own way.
I need a wee. Are you coming?
What an alternative lifestyle
you lead, Sandra.
Mid-meal? Most irregular.
No funny business,
Audrey Joan Amiss. You hear me?
-Look!
-It's this way round. Hey...
Pouting Pamela, Jimmy Cragg!
Come on, spit it out.
It's time for the truth.
-We're... We're not Pamela.
-Or Jimmy.
Don't go giving me your lip.
Your eyes were on stalks.
What did you see?
-We didn't see anything.
-Shh!
- Who are you?
- What do you want?
You know very well who I am!
I want to know
what you're hiding!
Are these two bothering you?
Beyond bother.
They're stonewalling me.
We've never met her.
These two, posing as innocent,
were present at the major event
of my life when I was 19.
I know what's on your mind,
but they're not lookalikes.
They're the real deal.
It's them.
Come on, Audrey.
Sunderland awaits.
The exhibition, remember?
Ahoy, there! True artists
take no notice of the public.
I know what you're all thinking.
You're thinking I'm Don Quixote,
the crazy old knight.
I saw you behind that counter,
masturbating!
Audrey, look at me,
look at me, hey.
Hey, hey.
Look at me. What's going on?
They've been underground
since Heber's Ghyll.
-What?
-Who's that?
Heber's Ghyll is a place
in Ilkley in Yorkshire.
I've not been back there
since I was 19.
I was on holiday
with Dorothy, my sister,
who has brutally cut me off.
And I nearly died!
A miracle I've lived till now!
- Tell me!
- Oi!
Please! Why? How?
I'm dying! I must know!
I'm sorry. We don't know.
Your chances
for redemption are over!
You need to pipe down!
I will not be silenced,
you cock-eyed crab!
Right! I'm ringing the police!
No! Please don't.
Erm, she's with me and...
I don't care! I want her out!
Cretin! Pervert!
Prick! Lotus eater!
-Shit! Shaman! Shameful!
-No, don't touch her.
Get off me,
son of a biscuit eater!
Pouting Pamela and Jimmy Cragg
didn't have the decency
to tell me what occurred.
What d'you reckon
they would have said happened?
-Were they not there for you?
-They were very much there.
What I meant was,
did you feel let down by them?
And so in your mind, they were
all part of your attempt?
Attempt?
This was a great
unresolved wrong done to me.
My struggles have been major,
but I've never been
that way inclined.
If I wasn't due to die,
I'd want to live
on this abused, beautiful planet
ad infinitum.
Maestro!
As a child,
I loved to be mystified.
The world is crying out
for more magic.
Come on.
She propositioned me.
The usual reaction
of children to myself is to cry.
I'm equipped
to ward off evil spirits.
Impostor.
The machine's mucked up.
It's just the woman before you.
Thelma and Louise, eh?
You know it?
On my wireless penetrating
Clarence Avenue all hours.
Turn right.
Turn left.
Please turn around
where possible.
Please turn around
where possible.
Please turn around
where possible.
We're completely lost.
Please turn around
where possible.
Right.
Directions
aren't really my forte.
Forte! Pianoforte!
Soft. Loud! Soft.
Loud!
You once said
it's only when we get lost
we actually find ourselves.
This ignoble impresario here,
Sandra, is Miss Hunter.
Me and Dorothy's
former piano teacher.
She arranged our trip
to Heber's Ghyll where I...
You snuck Dorothy away
for a hush-hush confab.
What was that about,
Miss Hunter?
I've never met you before
in my life.
Coward. Cretin. Sex trafficker.
-Audrey!
-Go away. Go away!
No! It's contaminated!
-Audrey!
-Leave it!
-God's sake!
-No, Sandra!
Go and get your bags.
You go get your bags!
- There's a name for it.
- For what?
This thinking
people are other people.
The thing is, this is where
being on medication could help.
You lot are all so gung-ho
about drugging away perception.
Who I see is who they are
and what I see is what I see,
and that's that.
Reality has always been
a heavily contested area.
The powers that be
put England on maps
as the same size as Colombia,
whereas in reality,
we are four times smaller.
You always have to have the last
word, don't you, Audrey?
That's because
it might be my very last word.
I've not got long left,
remember?
-Audrey!
-Follow the signs!
Look, seriously,
Miss Moul instilled
in the whole school
the importance of being
charitable at all times.
Going my way?
Destination Sunderland.
Here go.
Put your seat belt on.
What are you listening to?
Elbow.
Superior pop music.
Get you.
Light that and you're out.
Are you a rent boy?
Ah.
I'm in search
of an art exhibition.
Yeah? Which one?
Mine, of course.
I'm an artist, too, you know.
I make work that signifies
the nothingness it represents.
It's like... everything
and nothing at the same time.
Hmm. Yeah.
I'm totally into outsider art.
I'm not an outsider artist.
I won a place at the top
art school in the country.
The Royal Academy has
never been the top art school.
It's always been
the Royal College.
Are you still harping on
about that?
The Royal Academy wasn't
good enough for you, was it?
-You wanted cool.
-What?
Hitchhiking
was always your thing.
You said that after
the bleakness of Yorkshire,
hitchhiking to France
was a revelation.
You told me I carried the seeds
of my own destruction.
Who is he, Audrey?
John Lander Junior.
A fellow student of mine.
He was in an art show
I should have been in,
if he'd not pushed me
to the loony bin!
That painting which kicked off
your spectacular success
was claptrap!
You wanted me destroyed!
What are you
going on about, you freak?
Apologise.
You'll be sorry if you don't.
It's a child lock, you fool.
Say sorry!
Arsehole!
Pseud of the art world!
I'm sorry!
I'm really, really sorry.
Go on, get out.
Go on. Go on.
After him. After him.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep!
Beep.
Beep, beep, beep, beep...
Beep. Beep.
Beep-beep, beep!
-Put-up job!
-I can't get a signal.
Foiled again!
We're nowhere!
Come on.
No. Come on.
Don't worry, Sandra.
You go in there.
Good for shock.
At first I examined the road
for an invisible barrier.
A force field of energy
made of electrical compounds
like an invisible glass shield.
-Did you find it?
-Don't patronise me.
There isn't one.
The barrier is you.
You've been stringing me along.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I'm here to support you.
I've been stopped by a breakdown
before, but not this time.
Not this one, engineered
by you and your cronies.
What a fool I've been
to trust you! You're undercover!
You've not given up your job
at all, have you?
You're still in the game!
What medical professional
would spend free time
with a patient, hey?
And why, huh? Why?
The caring profession.
Arse shit!
You psych-knobs get a kick
out of people having breakdowns
and hearing voices
and killing themselves!
You get off on seeing
people drugged and put away!
Oh, my heart bleeds
custard for you!
Audrey! Audrey, stop!
The tree!
Sunshine! Sunshine!
That's the big difference
between you and me,
Sandra Panza.
A tree is something in your way.
For me, it's a living being,
full of grace.
I care about nature.
The environment.
I... I drive an electric car!
You... You think
you know me, Audrey.
Think again!
I don't even know me!
Jesus wept!
You don't...
you don't give a flying shit
about anybody, do you?
No wonder your sister
disowned you.
D'you know something?
Your art
is a load of poxy old crap!
So...
So, just piss off
out of my life, would you?
Piss off!
Right.
Audrey!
Audrey!
Audrey!
Audrey! Stop!
Jesus Christ said,
"Be of good cheer,
for I have overcome the world."
He ended up crucified.
Well, life can be cruel.
I can testify to that.
Me too.
Such is the stuff
of masterpieces.
Long may they flourish.
Hear, hear!
Da Vinci had a love of animals,
just like me.
He was testament to the fact
that you don't have
to be mad to be an artist.
We artists
are often seen as nuts.
In my mind, it's because
we can express ourselves
so much better than others.
I'm always keen to capture
the inner life of a person.
You're all stiff upper lip.
You're very excitable,
aren't you?
High spirits are often seen
as a disorder and stamped on.
It is today's society that
has run to extremes and not I.
You may have caught
Legionnaires' disease,
a mild form of which
is like a bad cold.
I think I had it
on my way back from Bolivia.
Hang on.
You've never said
where we're going.
I need to get to my exhibition.
Here! Here, just here!
Audrey!
Audrey?
Audrey?
Audrey! I'm sorry!
I didn't mean what I said.
Audrey!
You're right to be angry!
You hit a nerve, that's all.
I was under the impression
you lot had your nerves
trained out of you.
I'm so glad you're all right.
The things that were going
through my mind...
Who was he? The driver?
Audrey, look at you.
You're shaking.
If your former nurse talked
to you like you talked to me,
you'd be on edge.
I was totally in the wrong.
Audrey...
Let her pass!
The talk is always of me
and of my problems
and I tend to forget in life
that we may not be
in the same boat,
but we are all
in the same storm.
We cannot erase history.
We just have to live with it.
We know how this all ends,
don't we?
The Vikings
and the Anglo-Saxons.
Let's not dwell
in the Dark Ages.
The soldier said
he could take us to a hotel.
Is the hotel licensed?
Will there be gin
to settle me nerves?
A five-star experience.
I used to share my bathwater
with my sister Dorothy
so I've left the bath for you.
I had a wee in it.
-Audrey!
-Healing powers. You need it.
You know, you talk
about your sister a lot.
I don't.
Take a look at it now.
Concentrate.
I'll have a quick shower.
Stay here, OK? Please.
And what it can do.
Take your time.
Lizzie and Sarah?
Nit-nurse!
Nit-nurse.
Let's take a look.
- You've got it! You've got it!
The three categories we'll use,
Tracey. Here they are.
Recently I watched
a programme on Kurosawa,
a Japanese film director.
I'd forgotten
the artistic heights
reached by the likes of Kurosawa
and really how run of the mill
television is these days.
It's crying out
to enter another golden age.
A late Victorian...
-Sandra! Sandra, quick!
-What?
It's Heber's Ghyll.
The place
where my life nearly ended
when I was with Dorothy
all those years ago.
I've often wondered
if it really did end
and I was replaced
with an impostor.
It took a year to paint
with my right hand again.
It all feels so very long ago.
As we pass through stands
of sweet chestnut
and European larch...
I know the art world
doesn't always favour the brave,
but I believed that I was going
to achieve recognition.
What I previously judged
to be secondary or minor
have assumed
the beauty of masterpieces.
Joan?
The Virgin Mary
has sent me to apologise to you.
You took us on that staggeringly
picturesque boat trip,
-remember, Joan?
-I'm not Joan.
As there was no commentary
from you, I provided it.
I felt like
a military commander.
I realise now,
I shouldn't have taken over.
Miss Amiss, where is your carer?
It's A-miss
and Sandra is not my carer!
You couldn't even do a
running commentary if you tried!
Not if you tried!
Can I have some assistance here?
No! Don't you... No!
Thank... Thank you.
False ceiling, false floor.
You're very excitable,
aren't you?
Sex crimes
are concentrated here.
You know, people feel threatened
when you throw things
at them, Audrey.
What's the matter with your eye?
If thine own eye be single,
thy body shall be full of light.
Get back to our room, eh?
Bit of privacy.
Privates.
Peeping Tom. Powell.
Impostor.
It's me, Audrey. It's Sandra.
You don't sound like you.
I wish Miss Moul
had been my headmistress.
Ours just wrote us all off.
Miss Moul believed in you
so much, Audrey.
Breeze, bright,
sky, blue, sea, sand,
gold, yellow, red, white,
lighthouse,
Groupie, Dorothy, I, pirate.
Tides of time,
tides, tides of time.
Here.
Could you draw me a picture
of where we are now?
Police brutality. Indignity!
-Another false arrest!
-Audrey...
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Shh, shh, shh.
Hello, Audrey.
Da.
Da!
Da! Da! Da!
Come on, pet.
Let's get you to bed.
It'll be all right. Come on.
It's OK. Come on.
Had the perfect sleep!
Must've been
because my neighbours
weren't abusing me
by remote control.
So I found out we can catch a
coach all the way to Sunderland,
and I called a mechanic
to pick up Sunshine.
Good rescue operation, Sandra.
Well...
That's your aura.
S-Somehow, you know...
that's the way I feel inside.
From my familiar
aftermath feeling,
I deduce you were
instrumental in me waking up
with my freedom intact.
So thank you.
Is this an all-inclusive deal?
I fancy breakfast.
A dream to work with!
It has special properties.
Like magic.
There it is. A diabolical vision
from my past.
My first hospital! Stop!
Stop!
Does it look like
a scheduled stop, lady?
-Stop!
-I'm not your bloody chauffeur!
Crazy lady!
It has its own morgue.
Some people never got away.
Listen.
All the souls.
The best thing
was when these hospitals
all got shut down.
In a way,
it was the worst thing, too.
Never enough money for
proper care in the community.
God was here. Talking to me.
-And what did he say?
-I've no idea.
There was a woman
who thought she was a statue
and she was always stealing
my thoughts.
You carried the seeds
of your own destruction.
John Lander Junior...
Our hitchhiker?
He was plotting against me.
I confronted him
and ended up smashing a window,
and woke up here.
The psychiatrists
insinuated I leave art school.
Thought the pressure
was making me ill.
"We'll make a shorthand typist
out of you yet, Audrey Amiss!"
My head felt as if the skull
covering my brain had cracked...
and my brain was leaking out.
I hate you had to endure that.
When Mam and Dorothy visited,
I wanted them to get me out,
but I couldn't speak.
I was drugged.
Well, whatever you wanted
to say back then, say it.
I won't even listen.
I don't care what you think.
I can't wither away at this
bus stop and await my demise.
The gallery
won't stay open all day.
D'you hear me arguing?
The council cut
the bus timetable into tatters.
I wrote a stern letter.
I'm a great letter writer too!
I keep a log
of every letter sent.
Me last letters
were to the Salvation Army
about me ongoing issues
with thrush
and to the Sherlock Holmes
Society about me missing sock.
Are you going near Sunderland?
I can drop you close.
I'm meeting me boyfriend.
-Who is she, Audrey?
-Knitting Nelly.
Walked the streets for a living,
but on admission
for moral insanity,
she thought
she was a high-court judge.
Oh, thank you!
Oh!
A gift of the elixir of life.
How sweet it is to be alive.
I'm the king of the road!
I'm king of everything!
I found the Taj Mahal
rather flat and overrated.
But this?
This is a true work of art.
Bells.
Hands!
Audrey!
-Come on, Sandra.
-No, no, no, no.
Oh, why not?
Round.
Ah!
Walk round.
Well, there was
more than last year, eh?
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Hello.
-Hiya.
-Are you for hire?
-I am, yeah.
-OK.
Are you not going
to do that bit?
The walking-into-the-pub bit?
Yeah, no.
Canny dancing!
Where to, pet?
34 Villiers Street. You better
put your best foot on the pedal.
Soon as you can, Geronimo!
Gabe. Call me Gabe.
-Here.
-Thank you.
Yeah. Got 'em.
-Can I sit in the front?
-Yeah, yeah.
You must've got
the address wrong.
Here.
No. This is it.
Oh, Audrey.
I should have checked.
This is from years ago.
It's me. It's me.
I've got in my way
my whole life.
Oh.
I'm a never-been,
never-was, never-will.
Here. Come on. Please?
You know what's funny?
You've got me thinking
in pictures now.
I can see a beach.
A lighthouse.
Pirates.
Right, come on!
Come on! Let's go there.
Come on.
Let me help you.
I'm glad I came with you.
You must be bonkers.
I'm feeling better than ever.
Well, about time.
That's the last thing
she said to me. My client.
My patient, Lily.
She said,
"I'm feeling better than ever."
I missed the signs.
When someone's
about to do that to themselves,
their mood can improve.
I failed her.
Come on, Groupie!
Good boy. Good boy!
-All families have rifts.
-I'm not involved in a rift.
My sister merely cut me off
six years ago.
Audrey, don't take this wrong,
but I think
you need to see Dorothy.
If I went to see her now,
I'd be about as welcome
as an uncooked egg.
I'd be with you.
Oh, she'd love that,
Dorothy would.
Me turning up
with my psychiatric nurse.
I'm not your psych nurse
any more.
I'm your friend.
Caught red-handed!
Treachery! Trickery!
We thought we could trust you!
No, it's to show her!
She buys work by locals.
-Colour!
-Arseville.
You've concocted this
to try and make me feel better.
Your picture
makes me feel better.
It sings out! It makes me happy!
We think of the arts
as a luxury,
but when it comes to the crunch,
we'd be badly off without them.
Art makes life worth living.
-I'd like to buy it.
-It's not for sale.
-Oh.
-Only kidding!
I'd like to buy
more of your work.
Vincent van Gogh only sold
one painting in his lifetime!
I've outdone him!
Well, I never! I've smashed it!
You can tell your sister
you sold some work.
OK, that's clinched it.
We're going.
That's brilliant,
but we'll need to phone ahead.
-Let her know we're coming.
-Absolutely not.
All telephones are tapped
and a source of intelligence.
I think it's up to you
to do the deal.
-10 each, I think.
-OK.
You didn't ring the bell.
I'm not entirely sure
this is the right house.
Audrey!
I'm here with my friends,
Dorothy. Sandra and Gabe.
Well...
-Hi.
-Hello.
It's just like Audrey
to turn up without warning
after six years
of refusing to see me.
Er... I better...
get the kettle on then, eh?
Go on.
I wanted to be the first to tell
you I've sold some of my art.
Really? Oh.
I know you thought I talked
about myself too much, John,
but, you see, I'm often the one
doing the talking.
- I'll... make myself scarce.
- Hmm.
I've met a circus of people
on this trip.
Miss Moul, for one.
She's taken up yoga.
Miss Moul, our headmistress?
And I met our piano teacher,
Miss Hunter.
-Remember Miss Hunter?
-Audrey.
You know that's not true.
Miss Hunter and Miss Moul...
they'd be dead by now.
Sandra seems nice.
And your other friend,
he looks a bit familiar.
Went back to visit the first
mental hospital I was in.
Oh, gosh.
I always felt so cold
on the train
on the way to see you there.
I remember when the doctor
told Mam and me
you had paranoid schizophrenia.
A highly contested diagnosis
from my current vantage point.
I've missed seeing you, Audrey.
What?
You're acting like
I slammed the door on you.
It was you who shut me out. Why?
-Things kept rising up.
-Rising up?
You had such an exceptional gift
for art, Audrey.
Had?
Well, I prefer your early work.
It's no secret.
Secrets.
You were always
the best swimmer.
The best sprinter,
the best hockey player.
You could throw a ball further
than any of us, with accuracy.
It was always
a bone of contention
that you were
a better tap dancer than me.
Why are you buttering me up?
We reached the dizzying heights
of playing Schubert's
Marche Militaireas a duet.
Did we?
Yes, we played it at Heber's
Ghyll for the retired sailors.
Somebody's choking me.
Oh, your tea's
gone down the wrong way.
I shouldn't have
brought up Heber's Ghyll.
I'm sorry.
I didn't need you
for it to come up.
It's been on my mind lately.
What happened?
Well, er...
Well, you were 19
and I was 15...
Oh, tell me something
I don't know!
-There is no need to be rude.
-Arsewipe!
This is a strange thing to say,
but Heber's Ghyll...
and the accident was
when I felt I lost you, Audrey.
My Audrey never came back.
I knew it.
I was replaced with an impostor.
That isn't... That's not
what I meant. I just...
I just meant
that you had changed.
I want to try and forgive you,
Dorothy.
I have nothing
to be forgiven for.
Hey! Audrey! Stop it! Stop! No.
Stop!
Stop! Audrey, no!
Stop it. Stop it.
Everything tickety-boo?
Yes.
Yes, everything's fine.
Everything's fine.
I'm...
I'm gonna wrap up the sandwiches
for Audrey and her friends.
She's leaving.
Oh, dear, where's the foil?
Just get the foil for us,
please.
All done.
Cheese and tomato.
I wasn't sure
if you were vegetarian or not.
Dorothy and I
need to go to Heber's Ghyll
as a matter of urgency.
I can't just take off.
No choice.
No, I'm expecting a delivery.
Sometimes revisiting the site
of a trauma can be helpful.
I'm happy to wait in.
Well, you'd miss
your doctor's appointment.
And anyway,
how would I get back?
I'll fetch you.
Oh, thanks, but, no, I'm sorry.
I can't just drop everything.
I'm sorry, Audrey.
Oh, my God.
She's got me mam's slippers.
Oh, God.
A Mam sandwich!
Our mother used to put
baking paper in our sandwiches
when we were children as a joke.
She was
a wonderful woman, our mother.
Audrey. Open the door.
Has she locked it?
Audrey?
Audrey, come on.
You're keeping everyone waiting.
I'll be with you
every step of the way, Audrey.
-No need to be afraid.
-I'm not afraid.
It could help you
fill in the gaps.
Mind the gap.
Mind the gap.
I'm not gonna push you
to do anything, Audrey.
Push. Push.
- Come on! Quick!
- -Coming!
Come on.
I'll race you up. Ready?
I can catch you.
We were wearing
our Sunday shoes.
Our best shoes.
We knew Mam wouldn't be happy.
Wait, Audrey.
Oh! Are you OK?
You can see how you can
easily slip and fall, Audrey.
I didn't slip!
We were playing hide-and-seek.
One moment I saw you,
and the next you were gone.
When she fell,
a rock ripped through her arm,
her artery, and your nerves.
The strange thing,
you... you didn't scream.
Dorothy!
I'll find ya!
Where have you gone?
Miss Hunter brought
us here after Father died.
Yeah. She wanted to help.
She was
leading me to my doom.
We... We stayed
at the Seaman's Rest.
Miss, us
and the retired sailors.
Miss Hunter had
some sort of arrangement there.
We played piano for them
and we all sang
the hymn together,
Will Your Anchor Hold.
I... was down there,
hiding, when it happened.
Ten, nine, eight,
seven, six...
Five, four, three, two, one.
Here I come, ready or not!
After the accident,
Audrey managed
to run up there and...
I looked up
and this, erm,
smartly dressed man...
he... he came to our rescue
and she... she was clinging
to him,
and your blood was pouring.
Later on, our mother offered
to get his suit
professionally dry cleaned.
He managed to find a wheelbarrow
to put Audrey in
to take her across the moor
and to the road...
Ten, nine, eight, seven...
-There's something else.
-What?
You had it in for me!
How could you even think that?
I had nothing
to do with your falling.
I looked up to you.
You were my greatest companion.
You said there was
something else, Dorothy.
Well, it's not important.
- You never know.
- It's...
It's just, erm, Audrey
wasn't wearing her glasses.
You couldn't see.
You tripped.
Pouting Pamela and Jimmy Cragg,
they only had eyes
for each other.
Over the years, I figured out
Dorothy engineered my fall
in cahoots with Miss Hunter.
I used to take my glasses off
before I felt a bout of insanity
coming on.
Audrey! Don't! You can't see!
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
-five, four, three, two, one.
-Audrey!
Here I come, ready or not!
Oh, this is proof.
I've had demons and angels!
My fall was nothing
to do with Dorothy.
-I'm sorry, Dorothy.
-Oh...
I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.
-It's not your fault.
You're not to blame, Audrey.
You never were.
Come on, Groupie.
Come on, come on.
There you go.
There you go.
That's it.
There you go. There you go.
It is my own home, Sandra Panza.
I should have the right
to choose
whether or not I admit someone
from the mental health service.
What? You not gonna turn round,
call my bluff and go,
"All right, Audrey. See ya."
And then come back again?
What's got into ya? You're as
unresponsive as a corpse.
You'll have something to say
when I'm dead, I bet.
People always do.
Where's that wry, smug laugh
of yours gone, Sandra?
I'll be writing
a letter of complaint
about your late arrival.
Yeah? Who to? The Queen?
That's more like it!
I'm writing a prcis of my life.
Presented to me
on my retirement as a typist...
Typist for Her Majesty's
Government. Yeah.
This stuff...
That's my art.
I used to be in the kitchen-sink
school of realism,
but now I'm avant-garde
and misunderstood.
"Better blood pressure
than mine."
Huh?
That's what
you usually say, Sandra.
Any changes
we should be aware of?
You're unusually formal today
in approach.
But your appearance
has slipped to an all-time low.
Any changes with you?
I had a dream.
Not really the kind
of changes we're after.
But the dream presaged...
Looks like you need
a new calendar, Audrey.
It's important
that the records show
I was first hospitalised
while an award-winning
painting student
at the Royal Academy of Arts.
It's where the visionary genius
William Blake studied.
-Did you get on with them?
-Oh! Take this down.
Due to my endless
forced imprisonment
in mental hospitals,
my art has been ignored.
It has been my biggest regret.
What?
You need
to drive myself and my art...
to this gallery
before the deadline.
As much as I'd love to...
Love to? Arse-lick!
You can't stand the idea.
And don't go telling me
you haven't the time.
I found time
to travel the world.
Yeah? So?
And that.
Where have you ever been?
"Typist Artist Pirate King."
They let you put that?
I've got to go. Crisis meeting.
Cut the jargonese.
How does this make you feel?
You're just like my sister.
You know what my report said
in my student days?
"Outstanding. A rare artist."
Take me to the gallery.
It's a matter of urgency!
Enough dramarama!
Catch the bus!
You love a bus ride.
I had a bag of my sketches
stolen on the bus once.
Well, treat yourself to a taxi.
Last time I was in a taxi,
I was mistaken for a prostitute.
What about your sister?
Can't she take you?
She's in Yorkshire,
200 miles away!
She's not gonna
gallivant down here!
She hasn't wanted to see me
for six years.
You should know that
from the files.
-I've had a lot on mind, Audrey.
-As have I!
Care in the community.
Bum-suck!
Psychiatric nurses,
mere desperados
trying to get me on dope.
Foisted on me by the NHS!
I never wanted any of ya!
All the abominations.
And you,
you're the worst of the lot.
You're one giant fail!
"See you in two weeks."
That's what you normally say,
Sandra.
But don't worry,
I'll be off your hands by then!
I will not end
my days like this!
Arse-suckers!
I'm being used as a sex doll
in my own home!
Sex pots! Sex pests!
I'm a public convenience!
Pestilence! Prostitute! Pervert!
Human traffickers!
Audrey, it's me! Let me in!
"Do not darken my door again"
springs to mind.
Crack of dawn.
Urgent call. Raced over.
I've never seen you
so hyper-vigilant.
-It doesn't suit ya.
-Turn that off!
We can't have you screaming
your head off all night.
-Your neighbours can't take it.
-They can't take it?
They're the ones
sexually interfering with me
by remote control!
They should be drugged
and incarcerated, not me.
It's no way to live or die.
It's not a failure
to be mentally ill, Audrey.
I'm not mentally ill.
Mam's slippers.
So poignant.
Mam lived here with me
for over 30 years.
She sacrificed so much
for my art.
I recently wrote
to the Missing Persons Unit
about reuniting
with my mother and father,
but they wrote back
saying as they were deceased,
that wouldn't be possible.
Very ordinary minds,
these organisations.
I was 19 when my father died.
Me mam used to say to me,
"Eh, thank God your da
never saw how you've suffered."
My sister was 15 when he died.
Aren't you going
to take my blood pressure?
No need. I took it yesterday.
I think with the night I had,
it would be prudent.
-Better safe than sorry.
-Yeah.
Yeah. OK.
Here, Florence Nightingale.
Try my right arm for a change.
It wouldn't take
too much of your time
in the scheme of things,
would it?
-Where is it again?
-It's local.
OK. OK. You win.
Tip of the iceberg.
A mere fraction of my art.
Let's not take all day about it.
I haven't got long.
Me neither.
But if a thing's worth doing,
it's worth doing well.
That art, is it?
Use your imagination, Sandra.
Sterile.
No personality.
What's the address of the gallery
for the sat-nav thingy?
I don't trust such devices.
It's a simple route.
I'll direct you.
Left.
Rapid-moving,
fast-changing world.
When I first came to London,
it was only a few
people's priority to have a car.
My father passed away before I
moved here, but he used to say,
"Eh, none of those
London tricks."
Your sister, Dorothy.
Does she hate London?
Is that why she doesn't visit?
Must be close by now.
I still regard myself
as a local.
After all, I was born
and brought up there.
-Where?
-Sunderland.
Sunderland? The gallery's
in Sunderland? Jesus, that's...
In the Northeast of England.
...bloody hours away!
With comfort breaks,
seven hours.
It is 280 miles precisely.
Brought a brand-new toothbrush
and one of me mam's
nightdresses for you.
-You said it was local.
-It is to me!
There's tons of galleries
in London, aren't there?
London galleries
have always thrived on elitism
and I'm not their scene.
I've travelled the globe
as you know, Sandra.
But Sunderland
was once my entire world.
I know it's not
a major gallery of note,
but it means I will
finally have my exhibition.
I know full well
what's on your mind.
Oh, I doubt it.
You're thinking your bosses
won't allow you
to transport me
such a distance.
But the way I see it, you can't
just apply rules willy-nilly.
They're made to be broken.
I handed in my notice yesterday.
Today's my last day.
You left the service?
Without telling me?
No excuse not to drive me, then.
Oh, I'm sure
there's more important people
to see today than me.
I wasn't meant
to see anybody today,
but... your name came through
and I was...
I was concerned about you.
It's about time you broadened
your horizons, Sandra.
It'll stop you
getting so anxious.
Think of me. Do it for me.
"Let us not grow weary
of doing good,
for in due season we will reap
if we do not give up."
I shouldn't.
I've got paperwork to sort.
But you will? You'll drive me?
Yeah.
-All that way?
-Uh-huh.
But why?
Well, like you said,
it's... It's a good deed.
There's more to it than that,
I can tell.
What's on your mind?
There's something. I know it.
It's a ploy.
A trick to lock me up.
You're carting me off
to be incarcerated!
You're not acting like Sandra!
You're an impostor!
Audrey! Give me a break!
Do you want to go or not?
That's more like it.
Now you're sounding
like you again.
All right, I agree to go.
It'll do you good.
But let's get a move on.
Heave-ho!
Though not a driver myself,
at your speed,
the procedure would be
to remain in the left lane.
Yeah, I get it, Audrey.
You've never driven
on a motorway before, have you?
Sunshine's
not really built for motorways.
If A and B roads
were good enough for my father
and the car he doted on,
then they're good enough
for you and Sunshine.
Your diet, Audrey!
I'm not on a diet.
I meant the food you eat.
My sister Dorothy
often pushed the virtues
of healthy food on to me.
Dorothy had a point.
What's the point
of self-denial now?
I've not got long
to live anyway.
Where did this dying thing
of yours suddenly come from?
A dream.
Oh, well, a dream.
There are more things
in heaven and earth
than are dreamt of
in your philosophy, Sandra.
I did Shakespeare at school,
you know?
-Much ado about nothing.
-The quote is Hamlet.
I meant, in my opinion,
he's been over-hyped.
Much Ado About Nothing.
Hamlet.
Plays about deceit
and treachery.
Audrey!
Christ, don't do that!
I have to pray to St Christopher
for my own protection!
Hello, dear. Take a seat.
- Audrey.
- Oh, our youngest recruit yet.
Do sit, my love.
Close your eyes
and think of light.
Post tenebras lux!
You probably
don't recognise me, Miss Moul.
It's Audrey Amiss.
You always encouraged me,
even though my school reports
all indicated I had no sparkle
and I needed to speak up more.
I'm speaking up these days!
If we could
all turn the other way,
it's all about balance.
You likely remember my sister,
Dorothy Amiss.
She was the more sociable one.
She excelled at music.
Became a schoolteacher.
Audrey.
Everyone just wants to chill.
Miss Moul may be a yogi now,
but she was our headmistress
when my sister and myself
were at Bede Grammar School
for Girls!
According to what I heard,
Miss Moul rescued women
from prostitution
and educated them.
So, the yoga teacher
was your old headmistress?
Don't be such
a stick in the mud.
People are allowed
to change careers.
Well, a whole hour
of people farting on chairs?
No, thank you.
Glad we're out of there.
Hold your horses.
I'm not leaving.
I just need to take care
of some paperwork.
Bum-suck!
Nothing doing!
I've been trapped!
Hold tight. I'm on it.
No!
No!
It's OK. I'm here to help.
What a predicament.
We'll sort this in a jiffy.
I'm dying, Father.
I've not got long.
"You will not fear
the terror of the night,
nor the arrow
that flies by day."
"He shall cover you
with His wings
and you shall be safe
under His feathers."
Why did you lock the door?
Don't you trust me?
-Thanks.
-That must've been terrifying.
It feels like things
are happening out of time,
not necessarily in my past,
but in my future.
Breathe with me.
A deep breath
and hold and exhale.
Think of somewhere peaceful.
Some beautiful place.
Thank you for the faith
you had in me, Miss Moul.
Your spine-tingling words
still ring in my mind.
-Remember them?
-My memory's not what it was!
"You, my dear Audrey,
are gonna be one of the greatest
painters of the age."
You said, "How I long to hear
noble reports of you, Audrey,
in my retirement."
I didn't live up
to your hopes, Miss Moul.
You thought I was going
to be some Columbus,
conquering the global art scene.
Oh, my love.
I've never been disappointed.
Actually... I'm on the way
to getting
my first exhibition right now.
You see? It's never too late.
You've given me courage
to this day, Miss Moul.
Och, you have returned to me all
those feelings I had back then.
How glorious it was
to be regarded as an art star.
Post tenebras lux.
Our school motto.
Light after darkness.
And you.
You are a beacon of light
in this sick and ailing world.
Once upon a time,
I thought I was Jesus,
like many a psychiatric patient.
I can smell whisky.
What went on in that toilet?
In the biblical sense,
being locked in with the vicar
was a romantic pipedream.
But seeing Miss Moul again
was a revelation.
Look. Sandra, look.
How it catches the light.
How it curves
like a golden curl of hair.
Reminds me of my own hair
when I was a child.
Luxury!
A thing of great beauty.
It's a fake.
It's real in its own way.
I need a wee. Are you coming?
What an alternative lifestyle
you lead, Sandra.
Mid-meal? Most irregular.
No funny business,
Audrey Joan Amiss. You hear me?
-Look!
-It's this way round. Hey...
Pouting Pamela, Jimmy Cragg!
Come on, spit it out.
It's time for the truth.
-We're... We're not Pamela.
-Or Jimmy.
Don't go giving me your lip.
Your eyes were on stalks.
What did you see?
-We didn't see anything.
-Shh!
- Who are you?
- What do you want?
You know very well who I am!
I want to know
what you're hiding!
Are these two bothering you?
Beyond bother.
They're stonewalling me.
We've never met her.
These two, posing as innocent,
were present at the major event
of my life when I was 19.
I know what's on your mind,
but they're not lookalikes.
They're the real deal.
It's them.
Come on, Audrey.
Sunderland awaits.
The exhibition, remember?
Ahoy, there! True artists
take no notice of the public.
I know what you're all thinking.
You're thinking I'm Don Quixote,
the crazy old knight.
I saw you behind that counter,
masturbating!
Audrey, look at me,
look at me, hey.
Hey, hey.
Look at me. What's going on?
They've been underground
since Heber's Ghyll.
-What?
-Who's that?
Heber's Ghyll is a place
in Ilkley in Yorkshire.
I've not been back there
since I was 19.
I was on holiday
with Dorothy, my sister,
who has brutally cut me off.
And I nearly died!
A miracle I've lived till now!
- Tell me!
- Oi!
Please! Why? How?
I'm dying! I must know!
I'm sorry. We don't know.
Your chances
for redemption are over!
You need to pipe down!
I will not be silenced,
you cock-eyed crab!
Right! I'm ringing the police!
No! Please don't.
Erm, she's with me and...
I don't care! I want her out!
Cretin! Pervert!
Prick! Lotus eater!
-Shit! Shaman! Shameful!
-No, don't touch her.
Get off me,
son of a biscuit eater!
Pouting Pamela and Jimmy Cragg
didn't have the decency
to tell me what occurred.
What d'you reckon
they would have said happened?
-Were they not there for you?
-They were very much there.
What I meant was,
did you feel let down by them?
And so in your mind, they were
all part of your attempt?
Attempt?
This was a great
unresolved wrong done to me.
My struggles have been major,
but I've never been
that way inclined.
If I wasn't due to die,
I'd want to live
on this abused, beautiful planet
ad infinitum.
Maestro!
As a child,
I loved to be mystified.
The world is crying out
for more magic.
Come on.
She propositioned me.
The usual reaction
of children to myself is to cry.
I'm equipped
to ward off evil spirits.
Impostor.
The machine's mucked up.
It's just the woman before you.
Thelma and Louise, eh?
You know it?
On my wireless penetrating
Clarence Avenue all hours.
Turn right.
Turn left.
Please turn around
where possible.
Please turn around
where possible.
Please turn around
where possible.
We're completely lost.
Please turn around
where possible.
Right.
Directions
aren't really my forte.
Forte! Pianoforte!
Soft. Loud! Soft.
Loud!
You once said
it's only when we get lost
we actually find ourselves.
This ignoble impresario here,
Sandra, is Miss Hunter.
Me and Dorothy's
former piano teacher.
She arranged our trip
to Heber's Ghyll where I...
You snuck Dorothy away
for a hush-hush confab.
What was that about,
Miss Hunter?
I've never met you before
in my life.
Coward. Cretin. Sex trafficker.
-Audrey!
-Go away. Go away!
No! It's contaminated!
-Audrey!
-Leave it!
-God's sake!
-No, Sandra!
Go and get your bags.
You go get your bags!
- There's a name for it.
- For what?
This thinking
people are other people.
The thing is, this is where
being on medication could help.
You lot are all so gung-ho
about drugging away perception.
Who I see is who they are
and what I see is what I see,
and that's that.
Reality has always been
a heavily contested area.
The powers that be
put England on maps
as the same size as Colombia,
whereas in reality,
we are four times smaller.
You always have to have the last
word, don't you, Audrey?
That's because
it might be my very last word.
I've not got long left,
remember?
-Audrey!
-Follow the signs!
Look, seriously,
Miss Moul instilled
in the whole school
the importance of being
charitable at all times.
Going my way?
Destination Sunderland.
Here go.
Put your seat belt on.
What are you listening to?
Elbow.
Superior pop music.
Get you.
Light that and you're out.
Are you a rent boy?
Ah.
I'm in search
of an art exhibition.
Yeah? Which one?
Mine, of course.
I'm an artist, too, you know.
I make work that signifies
the nothingness it represents.
It's like... everything
and nothing at the same time.
Hmm. Yeah.
I'm totally into outsider art.
I'm not an outsider artist.
I won a place at the top
art school in the country.
The Royal Academy has
never been the top art school.
It's always been
the Royal College.
Are you still harping on
about that?
The Royal Academy wasn't
good enough for you, was it?
-You wanted cool.
-What?
Hitchhiking
was always your thing.
You said that after
the bleakness of Yorkshire,
hitchhiking to France
was a revelation.
You told me I carried the seeds
of my own destruction.
Who is he, Audrey?
John Lander Junior.
A fellow student of mine.
He was in an art show
I should have been in,
if he'd not pushed me
to the loony bin!
That painting which kicked off
your spectacular success
was claptrap!
You wanted me destroyed!
What are you
going on about, you freak?
Apologise.
You'll be sorry if you don't.
It's a child lock, you fool.
Say sorry!
Arsehole!
Pseud of the art world!
I'm sorry!
I'm really, really sorry.
Go on, get out.
Go on. Go on.
After him. After him.
Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep!
Beep.
Beep, beep, beep, beep...
Beep. Beep.
Beep-beep, beep!
-Put-up job!
-I can't get a signal.
Foiled again!
We're nowhere!
Come on.
No. Come on.
Don't worry, Sandra.
You go in there.
Good for shock.
At first I examined the road
for an invisible barrier.
A force field of energy
made of electrical compounds
like an invisible glass shield.
-Did you find it?
-Don't patronise me.
There isn't one.
The barrier is you.
You've been stringing me along.
I'm sorry you feel that way.
I'm here to support you.
I've been stopped by a breakdown
before, but not this time.
Not this one, engineered
by you and your cronies.
What a fool I've been
to trust you! You're undercover!
You've not given up your job
at all, have you?
You're still in the game!
What medical professional
would spend free time
with a patient, hey?
And why, huh? Why?
The caring profession.
Arse shit!
You psych-knobs get a kick
out of people having breakdowns
and hearing voices
and killing themselves!
You get off on seeing
people drugged and put away!
Oh, my heart bleeds
custard for you!
Audrey! Audrey, stop!
The tree!
Sunshine! Sunshine!
That's the big difference
between you and me,
Sandra Panza.
A tree is something in your way.
For me, it's a living being,
full of grace.
I care about nature.
The environment.
I... I drive an electric car!
You... You think
you know me, Audrey.
Think again!
I don't even know me!
Jesus wept!
You don't...
you don't give a flying shit
about anybody, do you?
No wonder your sister
disowned you.
D'you know something?
Your art
is a load of poxy old crap!
So...
So, just piss off
out of my life, would you?
Piss off!
Right.
Audrey!
Audrey!
Audrey!
Audrey! Stop!
Jesus Christ said,
"Be of good cheer,
for I have overcome the world."
He ended up crucified.
Well, life can be cruel.
I can testify to that.
Me too.
Such is the stuff
of masterpieces.
Long may they flourish.
Hear, hear!
Da Vinci had a love of animals,
just like me.
He was testament to the fact
that you don't have
to be mad to be an artist.
We artists
are often seen as nuts.
In my mind, it's because
we can express ourselves
so much better than others.
I'm always keen to capture
the inner life of a person.
You're all stiff upper lip.
You're very excitable,
aren't you?
High spirits are often seen
as a disorder and stamped on.
It is today's society that
has run to extremes and not I.
You may have caught
Legionnaires' disease,
a mild form of which
is like a bad cold.
I think I had it
on my way back from Bolivia.
Hang on.
You've never said
where we're going.
I need to get to my exhibition.
Here! Here, just here!
Audrey!
Audrey?
Audrey?
Audrey! I'm sorry!
I didn't mean what I said.
Audrey!
You're right to be angry!
You hit a nerve, that's all.
I was under the impression
you lot had your nerves
trained out of you.
I'm so glad you're all right.
The things that were going
through my mind...
Who was he? The driver?
Audrey, look at you.
You're shaking.
If your former nurse talked
to you like you talked to me,
you'd be on edge.
I was totally in the wrong.
Audrey...
Let her pass!
The talk is always of me
and of my problems
and I tend to forget in life
that we may not be
in the same boat,
but we are all
in the same storm.
We cannot erase history.
We just have to live with it.
We know how this all ends,
don't we?
The Vikings
and the Anglo-Saxons.
Let's not dwell
in the Dark Ages.
The soldier said
he could take us to a hotel.
Is the hotel licensed?
Will there be gin
to settle me nerves?
A five-star experience.
I used to share my bathwater
with my sister Dorothy
so I've left the bath for you.
I had a wee in it.
-Audrey!
-Healing powers. You need it.
You know, you talk
about your sister a lot.
I don't.
Take a look at it now.
Concentrate.
I'll have a quick shower.
Stay here, OK? Please.
And what it can do.
Take your time.
Lizzie and Sarah?
Nit-nurse!
Nit-nurse.
Let's take a look.
- You've got it! You've got it!
The three categories we'll use,
Tracey. Here they are.
Recently I watched
a programme on Kurosawa,
a Japanese film director.
I'd forgotten
the artistic heights
reached by the likes of Kurosawa
and really how run of the mill
television is these days.
It's crying out
to enter another golden age.
A late Victorian...
-Sandra! Sandra, quick!
-What?
It's Heber's Ghyll.
The place
where my life nearly ended
when I was with Dorothy
all those years ago.
I've often wondered
if it really did end
and I was replaced
with an impostor.
It took a year to paint
with my right hand again.
It all feels so very long ago.
As we pass through stands
of sweet chestnut
and European larch...
I know the art world
doesn't always favour the brave,
but I believed that I was going
to achieve recognition.
What I previously judged
to be secondary or minor
have assumed
the beauty of masterpieces.
Joan?
The Virgin Mary
has sent me to apologise to you.
You took us on that staggeringly
picturesque boat trip,
-remember, Joan?
-I'm not Joan.
As there was no commentary
from you, I provided it.
I felt like
a military commander.
I realise now,
I shouldn't have taken over.
Miss Amiss, where is your carer?
It's A-miss
and Sandra is not my carer!
You couldn't even do a
running commentary if you tried!
Not if you tried!
Can I have some assistance here?
No! Don't you... No!
Thank... Thank you.
False ceiling, false floor.
You're very excitable,
aren't you?
Sex crimes
are concentrated here.
You know, people feel threatened
when you throw things
at them, Audrey.
What's the matter with your eye?
If thine own eye be single,
thy body shall be full of light.
Get back to our room, eh?
Bit of privacy.
Privates.
Peeping Tom. Powell.
Impostor.
It's me, Audrey. It's Sandra.
You don't sound like you.
I wish Miss Moul
had been my headmistress.
Ours just wrote us all off.
Miss Moul believed in you
so much, Audrey.
Breeze, bright,
sky, blue, sea, sand,
gold, yellow, red, white,
lighthouse,
Groupie, Dorothy, I, pirate.
Tides of time,
tides, tides of time.
Here.
Could you draw me a picture
of where we are now?
Police brutality. Indignity!
-Another false arrest!
-Audrey...
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Shh, shh, shh.
Hello, Audrey.
Da.
Da!
Da! Da! Da!
Come on, pet.
Let's get you to bed.
It'll be all right. Come on.
It's OK. Come on.
Had the perfect sleep!
Must've been
because my neighbours
weren't abusing me
by remote control.
So I found out we can catch a
coach all the way to Sunderland,
and I called a mechanic
to pick up Sunshine.
Good rescue operation, Sandra.
Well...
That's your aura.
S-Somehow, you know...
that's the way I feel inside.
From my familiar
aftermath feeling,
I deduce you were
instrumental in me waking up
with my freedom intact.
So thank you.
Is this an all-inclusive deal?
I fancy breakfast.
A dream to work with!
It has special properties.
Like magic.
There it is. A diabolical vision
from my past.
My first hospital! Stop!
Stop!
Does it look like
a scheduled stop, lady?
-Stop!
-I'm not your bloody chauffeur!
Crazy lady!
It has its own morgue.
Some people never got away.
Listen.
All the souls.
The best thing
was when these hospitals
all got shut down.
In a way,
it was the worst thing, too.
Never enough money for
proper care in the community.
God was here. Talking to me.
-And what did he say?
-I've no idea.
There was a woman
who thought she was a statue
and she was always stealing
my thoughts.
You carried the seeds
of your own destruction.
John Lander Junior...
Our hitchhiker?
He was plotting against me.
I confronted him
and ended up smashing a window,
and woke up here.
The psychiatrists
insinuated I leave art school.
Thought the pressure
was making me ill.
"We'll make a shorthand typist
out of you yet, Audrey Amiss!"
My head felt as if the skull
covering my brain had cracked...
and my brain was leaking out.
I hate you had to endure that.
When Mam and Dorothy visited,
I wanted them to get me out,
but I couldn't speak.
I was drugged.
Well, whatever you wanted
to say back then, say it.
I won't even listen.
I don't care what you think.
I can't wither away at this
bus stop and await my demise.
The gallery
won't stay open all day.
D'you hear me arguing?
The council cut
the bus timetable into tatters.
I wrote a stern letter.
I'm a great letter writer too!
I keep a log
of every letter sent.
Me last letters
were to the Salvation Army
about me ongoing issues
with thrush
and to the Sherlock Holmes
Society about me missing sock.
Are you going near Sunderland?
I can drop you close.
I'm meeting me boyfriend.
-Who is she, Audrey?
-Knitting Nelly.
Walked the streets for a living,
but on admission
for moral insanity,
she thought
she was a high-court judge.
Oh, thank you!
Oh!
A gift of the elixir of life.
How sweet it is to be alive.
I'm the king of the road!
I'm king of everything!
I found the Taj Mahal
rather flat and overrated.
But this?
This is a true work of art.
Bells.
Hands!
Audrey!
-Come on, Sandra.
-No, no, no, no.
Oh, why not?
Round.
Ah!
Walk round.
Well, there was
more than last year, eh?
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Hello.
-Hiya.
-Are you for hire?
-I am, yeah.
-OK.
Are you not going
to do that bit?
The walking-into-the-pub bit?
Yeah, no.
Canny dancing!
Where to, pet?
34 Villiers Street. You better
put your best foot on the pedal.
Soon as you can, Geronimo!
Gabe. Call me Gabe.
-Here.
-Thank you.
Yeah. Got 'em.
-Can I sit in the front?
-Yeah, yeah.
You must've got
the address wrong.
Here.
No. This is it.
Oh, Audrey.
I should have checked.
This is from years ago.
It's me. It's me.
I've got in my way
my whole life.
Oh.
I'm a never-been,
never-was, never-will.
Here. Come on. Please?
You know what's funny?
You've got me thinking
in pictures now.
I can see a beach.
A lighthouse.
Pirates.
Right, come on!
Come on! Let's go there.
Come on.
Let me help you.
I'm glad I came with you.
You must be bonkers.
I'm feeling better than ever.
Well, about time.
That's the last thing
she said to me. My client.
My patient, Lily.
She said,
"I'm feeling better than ever."
I missed the signs.
When someone's
about to do that to themselves,
their mood can improve.
I failed her.
Come on, Groupie!
Good boy. Good boy!
-All families have rifts.
-I'm not involved in a rift.
My sister merely cut me off
six years ago.
Audrey, don't take this wrong,
but I think
you need to see Dorothy.
If I went to see her now,
I'd be about as welcome
as an uncooked egg.
I'd be with you.
Oh, she'd love that,
Dorothy would.
Me turning up
with my psychiatric nurse.
I'm not your psych nurse
any more.
I'm your friend.
Caught red-handed!
Treachery! Trickery!
We thought we could trust you!
No, it's to show her!
She buys work by locals.
-Colour!
-Arseville.
You've concocted this
to try and make me feel better.
Your picture
makes me feel better.
It sings out! It makes me happy!
We think of the arts
as a luxury,
but when it comes to the crunch,
we'd be badly off without them.
Art makes life worth living.
-I'd like to buy it.
-It's not for sale.
-Oh.
-Only kidding!
I'd like to buy
more of your work.
Vincent van Gogh only sold
one painting in his lifetime!
I've outdone him!
Well, I never! I've smashed it!
You can tell your sister
you sold some work.
OK, that's clinched it.
We're going.
That's brilliant,
but we'll need to phone ahead.
-Let her know we're coming.
-Absolutely not.
All telephones are tapped
and a source of intelligence.
I think it's up to you
to do the deal.
-10 each, I think.
-OK.
You didn't ring the bell.
I'm not entirely sure
this is the right house.
Audrey!
I'm here with my friends,
Dorothy. Sandra and Gabe.
Well...
-Hi.
-Hello.
It's just like Audrey
to turn up without warning
after six years
of refusing to see me.
Er... I better...
get the kettle on then, eh?
Go on.
I wanted to be the first to tell
you I've sold some of my art.
Really? Oh.
I know you thought I talked
about myself too much, John,
but, you see, I'm often the one
doing the talking.
- I'll... make myself scarce.
- Hmm.
I've met a circus of people
on this trip.
Miss Moul, for one.
She's taken up yoga.
Miss Moul, our headmistress?
And I met our piano teacher,
Miss Hunter.
-Remember Miss Hunter?
-Audrey.
You know that's not true.
Miss Hunter and Miss Moul...
they'd be dead by now.
Sandra seems nice.
And your other friend,
he looks a bit familiar.
Went back to visit the first
mental hospital I was in.
Oh, gosh.
I always felt so cold
on the train
on the way to see you there.
I remember when the doctor
told Mam and me
you had paranoid schizophrenia.
A highly contested diagnosis
from my current vantage point.
I've missed seeing you, Audrey.
What?
You're acting like
I slammed the door on you.
It was you who shut me out. Why?
-Things kept rising up.
-Rising up?
You had such an exceptional gift
for art, Audrey.
Had?
Well, I prefer your early work.
It's no secret.
Secrets.
You were always
the best swimmer.
The best sprinter,
the best hockey player.
You could throw a ball further
than any of us, with accuracy.
It was always
a bone of contention
that you were
a better tap dancer than me.
Why are you buttering me up?
We reached the dizzying heights
of playing Schubert's
Marche Militaireas a duet.
Did we?
Yes, we played it at Heber's
Ghyll for the retired sailors.
Somebody's choking me.
Oh, your tea's
gone down the wrong way.
I shouldn't have
brought up Heber's Ghyll.
I'm sorry.
I didn't need you
for it to come up.
It's been on my mind lately.
What happened?
Well, er...
Well, you were 19
and I was 15...
Oh, tell me something
I don't know!
-There is no need to be rude.
-Arsewipe!
This is a strange thing to say,
but Heber's Ghyll...
and the accident was
when I felt I lost you, Audrey.
My Audrey never came back.
I knew it.
I was replaced with an impostor.
That isn't... That's not
what I meant. I just...
I just meant
that you had changed.
I want to try and forgive you,
Dorothy.
I have nothing
to be forgiven for.
Hey! Audrey! Stop it! Stop! No.
Stop!
Stop! Audrey, no!
Stop it. Stop it.
Everything tickety-boo?
Yes.
Yes, everything's fine.
Everything's fine.
I'm...
I'm gonna wrap up the sandwiches
for Audrey and her friends.
She's leaving.
Oh, dear, where's the foil?
Just get the foil for us,
please.
All done.
Cheese and tomato.
I wasn't sure
if you were vegetarian or not.
Dorothy and I
need to go to Heber's Ghyll
as a matter of urgency.
I can't just take off.
No choice.
No, I'm expecting a delivery.
Sometimes revisiting the site
of a trauma can be helpful.
I'm happy to wait in.
Well, you'd miss
your doctor's appointment.
And anyway,
how would I get back?
I'll fetch you.
Oh, thanks, but, no, I'm sorry.
I can't just drop everything.
I'm sorry, Audrey.
Oh, my God.
She's got me mam's slippers.
Oh, God.
A Mam sandwich!
Our mother used to put
baking paper in our sandwiches
when we were children as a joke.
She was
a wonderful woman, our mother.
Audrey. Open the door.
Has she locked it?
Audrey?
Audrey, come on.
You're keeping everyone waiting.
I'll be with you
every step of the way, Audrey.
-No need to be afraid.
-I'm not afraid.
It could help you
fill in the gaps.
Mind the gap.
Mind the gap.
I'm not gonna push you
to do anything, Audrey.
Push. Push.
- Come on! Quick!
- -Coming!
Come on.
I'll race you up. Ready?
I can catch you.
We were wearing
our Sunday shoes.
Our best shoes.
We knew Mam wouldn't be happy.
Wait, Audrey.
Oh! Are you OK?
You can see how you can
easily slip and fall, Audrey.
I didn't slip!
We were playing hide-and-seek.
One moment I saw you,
and the next you were gone.
When she fell,
a rock ripped through her arm,
her artery, and your nerves.
The strange thing,
you... you didn't scream.
Dorothy!
I'll find ya!
Where have you gone?
Miss Hunter brought
us here after Father died.
Yeah. She wanted to help.
She was
leading me to my doom.
We... We stayed
at the Seaman's Rest.
Miss, us
and the retired sailors.
Miss Hunter had
some sort of arrangement there.
We played piano for them
and we all sang
the hymn together,
Will Your Anchor Hold.
I... was down there,
hiding, when it happened.
Ten, nine, eight,
seven, six...
Five, four, three, two, one.
Here I come, ready or not!
After the accident,
Audrey managed
to run up there and...
I looked up
and this, erm,
smartly dressed man...
he... he came to our rescue
and she... she was clinging
to him,
and your blood was pouring.
Later on, our mother offered
to get his suit
professionally dry cleaned.
He managed to find a wheelbarrow
to put Audrey in
to take her across the moor
and to the road...
Ten, nine, eight, seven...
-There's something else.
-What?
You had it in for me!
How could you even think that?
I had nothing
to do with your falling.
I looked up to you.
You were my greatest companion.
You said there was
something else, Dorothy.
Well, it's not important.
- You never know.
- It's...
It's just, erm, Audrey
wasn't wearing her glasses.
You couldn't see.
You tripped.
Pouting Pamela and Jimmy Cragg,
they only had eyes
for each other.
Over the years, I figured out
Dorothy engineered my fall
in cahoots with Miss Hunter.
I used to take my glasses off
before I felt a bout of insanity
coming on.
Audrey! Don't! You can't see!
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six,
-five, four, three, two, one.
-Audrey!
Here I come, ready or not!
Oh, this is proof.
I've had demons and angels!
My fall was nothing
to do with Dorothy.
-I'm sorry, Dorothy.
-Oh...
I'm sorry.
-I'm sorry.
-It's not your fault.
You're not to blame, Audrey.
You never were.