Uncle Drew (2018) Movie Script

1
NARRATOR: Deep in the concrete
canyons of Harlem, New York
stands a basketball court
where the legends of the game
are born.
Rucker Park.
Between the lines
of this battleground,
a great many tales of warriors
have come and gone.
But there was one player
whose talent
soared far above the rest.
His name, Uncle Drew.
- So good.
- Incredible.
Like, scary good.
- Dominating.
- Dangerous.
- Best of the best.
- Bananas.
I mean, you knew he just
brought things to the game
that the game
had never seen before.
Changed the face
of basketball.
Drew been dangerous
since birth.
My pops played him one-on-one
in the seventh grade.
He broke my pop's ankle.
- (BONES CRACK)
- (MAN GROANS)
True story.
Gym teacher gave him a "D."
You know,
he'll show you one trick,
then beat you
with another trick.
Shakin' people's sneakers off.
They fallin' out the trees.
(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
He went to one end
of the court,
shot the lights out,
went to the other end
of the court,
shot it back on again.
Man, he was good enough
to be the logo.
INTERVIEWER: Wait, I thought
you were the NBA logo.
It's actually Uncle Drew.
They just shaved his afro off.
(ELECTRIC RAZOR WHIRRING)
One time,
he took on "The Destroyer"
and beat him
only with his left hand.
And then, hold on.
Wait for it.
With his right hand,
he was eating a ham sandwich.
Was there anyone out there
better than Uncle Drew?
NARRATOR: With word
of Sandwichgate
and Black Ankle Sunday both
spreading like wildfire,
Uncle Drew
and his childhood friends
shot to the top of the first
Rucker Classic in '68.
But it was not long before
it all came crashing down.
It had to be something
concerning him and a female.
We knew that.
Uncle Drew and the ladies?
(CHUCKLES) Yeah.
Man, the rumor was
Drew slept with
one of his teammate's girl
the night before the finals.
And when it came time
to play in the finals,
they were all a complete
and total no-show.
And after that
he just disappeared.
NARRATOR: Despite
the mysterious disappearance
of its greatest player,
the fabled park
is still the epicenter
of the streetball universe.
The question is, will this
year's Rucker Classic
see the birth of a new
playground legend?
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
(PLAYERS SHOUTING)
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Give me that.
- CASPER: Yo, what's up?
- What was that?
Hey, what's the problem, man?
Mario was open.
Maybe Mario was open,
maybe he wasn't.
But you know what
- the problem with that is?
- Huh?
Mario. Hey,
I don't know what you doin'...
- Close your ears!
- Mmm-hmm.
Mario is terrible.
Okay? Look at him.
I just told a grown man
to cover his ears,
- and that's what he just did.
- Coach, what are you saying?
Grab the ball, Casper.
You are my Beyonce. Okay?
Beyonce?
Not Dantay, not White Dantay,
not Regular Jeff,
not Little Melvin, not Little
Melvin's stunt double.
Okay, they're just
Destiny's Children.
You are the star.
You are my Queen B.
- All right.
- Let's make Lemonade, man.
Score the rock.
All right, now look here,
everybody.
I'mma say this once.
Nobody else shoot the ball.
- Just Casper. Let's go.
- (BLOWS WHISTLE)
- (BALL BOUNCING)
- (PLAYERS SHOUTING)
Dax Winslow. Sal Masekela,
Slam Magazine.
- (LAUGHS) Slam Magazine, huh?
- Yes, sir.
You mind if I get
a couple of sound bites?
Do I mind? No, you shoulda
been talking to me.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Um...
How does a guy
who works at Foot Locker
get a beast like Casper Jones
to play for him
in Rucker Park?
(LAUGHS) Game recognize game.
He's the best player.
I'm the best coach.
We gonna take it all.
I'm telling you,
this dude is amazing, man.
Put me and Casper
on the cover.
SAL: (EXCLAIMS)
- You know who that is, right?
- DAX: Know who who is?
- Who Mookie Bass is.
- (SIGHS)
SAL: A.k.a. that
Macklemore-lookin' dude
that's makin' eyes
at your meal ticket, man.
The hell is he doing here?
- Hey, what's up, Dix?
- (FRIENDS LAUGHING)
First of all,
you know my name is Dax.
A "bag of Dax"
don't make no sense.
(SNIFFS) What is that?
What's that smell?
Is that a grudge?
Are you still holdin' a grudge
'cause I blocked your shot?
I have no recollection
or even know
what you even talkin' about.
Okay, let me refresh
your memory, then.
You're about to hit
a three-pointer.
Outta nowhere,
a little white boy comes up...
Bam! Blocked that shot,
I think, with my armpit.
Well, but I do remember,
there was that Spalding...
You didn't even jump
that high. So like nipple...
It was high enough
that I could see
your face like this.
You were like...
Okay, stop! That's not...
I didn't do that.
What are you doin'? Stop.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
- (BLOWS WHISTLE)
Casper, take it from the top.
Do something, y'all.
Defense, Dantays,
figure it out.
Casper Jones, huh?
Could you just literally
give me some space, man?
Yo, you seen this tat though,
right here?
That's the one where I blocked
your shot and won the game.
And then these are the only
ones that really matter.
Bam! Seven of nine
Rucker Championships.
But don't you worry, Dix.
I got plenty of length
on my Dax for the next one.
I don't care. I don't wanna
hear about your man junk.
Is there a point to all this?
Yeah, I guess my point is,
when you have
a history of winning
as many titles as I do,
cats like Casper Jones,
they have a way
of gravitating towards you.
(PLAYERS SHOUTING)
So I'll see you
when I see you, Dix.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Hey, Casper. Hey, man,
let me talk to you real quick.
- What's up, coach?
- We good, right?
You know what I mean?
Me and you.
- Yeah, we all right.
- Do you need anything?
You know what'd be dope?
The new Space Jams.
They are amazing. They pretty
expensive, like $225.
- Straight fire, though.
- They fire.
But you know what?
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
I just thought about it.
I sold the last pair
this morning.
(GROANS)
The good news is,
in another week and a half,
we get new stock,
and I got a pair just for you.
- Okay. I like that.
- Yeah. You like that?
Yeah, yeah, we all right.
I got you, brother.
So it's me and you, we good?
- Yeah, we rollin'.
- You with me.
- I'm with you, dog.
- Forever.
- Forever.
- Dax and Casper.
- Yeah, you my bro.
- All right, man. I love you.
- Love you, too, man.
- We good, right?
- Yeah, no doubt. All right.
- (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Cool.
WOMAN: Don't worry, Dax.
Don't worry, Dax.
We'll find you a family.
- Yes.
- All right!
WOMAN: We'll find you
a family.
- MAN: Yes!
- (CROWD CHEERING ON TV)
Yes! Yes!
ANNOUNCER: (ON TV)
Oh! What a move by Jordan!
Jordan with the moves!
Man, what an inspiration!
Just listen to the crowd!
They love him!
They love him!
They love him!
They love him!
Yes!
Yo, can we run with you?
YOUNG DAX: Yes, yes.
(BOYS CHATTERING)
(ALL CHEERING)
(CROWD GROANS)
- No!
- (ALL SHOUT IN ANNOYANCE)
MAN 1: You need to be
on the bench!
MAN 2: He's worthless!
WOMAN: You suck, Dax!
MAN 3: You need new glasses!
MAN 4: He's the worst!
MAN 5: You suck!
Dax, that was unbearable!
ANNOUNCER:
Dream sequence...
(GASPING)
Boy, you better than cable.
Look, you wouldn't even
understand, okay?
It's terrible.
Dreamin' about that
little white boy
slappin' that ball
out your hand?
- Now, how do I look?
- You look expensive.
Man, you know I can't afford
Gucci on my salary.
Which is why when you
and Casper win the Rucker
and the $100,000 check
that come with it,
we'll be just fine.
Baby, I thought that 100K,
we was gonna use
to start a family.
(EXCLAIMS) I want a Tesla.
I would look
so cute in a Tesla.
And I'd have the little screen
on the side
and then I could be like,
"Boop, boop, boop, boop!"
And all my homegirls
gonna be like,
"Look at Jess killin' 'em
in a Tesla."
(CHUCKLES) Well, I mean,
this sounds like
a beautiful, beautiful dream
and everything,
but I didn't hear
my name one time.
You didn't say, "Oh, Dax was
in the Tesla with me."
Baby, you gonna be there, too.
It's gonna be me and you,
and we just gonna be
one big happy family.
I love that.
Well, don't let the ghost
of white boy past
scare you
out of gettin' this money.
You win this game,
and you win this money,
and bring it back home.
- I'm motivated, baby!
- Whoo!
(GROWLING)
Bam! That's right. These shoes
right here are classic.
I wore these shoes
last night, little man,
and I had a quadruple-double.
- Look.
- That's right.
I didn't want to say this,
but he isn't even that good.
(WHISPERS) Why would you say
that about your baby?
Are you a stepmother
or something?
- You the real mother?
- Yeah.
You shouldn't...
Oh, you know something?
Matter of fact, Larry,
help her out.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Hey, baby.
- Oh! Hey, girl!
I thought we were
goin' to lunch today.
You right.
We supposed to have lunch.
Yeah, I'm very hungry.
I been shoppin' all day.
Look it. (LAUGHS)
I know. Look, do me a favor,
babe. Just give me a second.
Just go look at some shoes
or something.
Do they got them new RiRis?
RiRis, BeeBees, whoever
you need, it's over there.
Do they got 'em? Because,
you know, I do not wanna
be shoppin' unless I can
get them new RiRis.
(BOTH SCREAM)
'Cause she a savage, too.
You a savage and you fine.
- I'm fine?
- Yeah.
Well, boy, you better shut up.
Over there,
look at those RiRis,
you know what I mean?
I see you, boo.
- She ready. Yeah!
- She ready.
(CHUCKLES)
JESS: Oh. Do you see
the RiRis over here?
Yo, my main man, Casper.
What up, brother?
What up, Dax?
How you doin', man?
The myth, the legend
in the makin'.
Hold that thought.
Man, I'm confused. I thought
these were out of stock.
Bruh, the truck
came this morning
and dropped off
a new stock of shoes.
I was gonna call you.
So you gonna
hook us up, then?
Oh, so you want me
to get shoes for everybody.
Everybody.
This dude, and this guy...
If you can't do it,
I got plenty of people that...
I got you.
I'mma take care of you,
and your whole squad.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah, that's a lot better.
DAX: Taxes included.
After I put in
my employee discount,
which will probably
get me fired...
The total is $833.50.
Everybody, it's on Dax.
It's on... It's on Dax.
Shoes for all y'all.
Oh, hey, Casper.
Oh, hey, baby, how you doin'?
Good, how you doin'? (LAUGHS)
Oh, baby, that's our
meal ticket right there.
Oh, my goodness.
Let me show you
what I found on Zillow.
I found a really cute
brownstone.
Two bedroom,
hardwood floors...
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Transaction denied.
(SIGHS) Damn it!
- Excuse me, what's goin' on?
- Damn what?
DAX: Marty,
don't worry about it.
Aw, hell no.
If the money
for these shoes
that just magically
flew out of here
don't come up in 60 seconds,
you and Miss Belly Out
goin' to jail.
What the hell
you talkin' about?
First off, I didn't do
nothin' wrong,
so I ain't goin' to jail.
But thank you for noticin'
that my belly's out.
Come here, come here,
come here.
What?
(DAX SIGHS)
That kid
that just left here...
Mmm-hmm?
He's gonna change
our lives forever.
50 percent.
I mean, at the most,
I could do 49 percent.
MARTY: You got 30 seconds,
brother!
All right, 50 percent.
Cool! (LAUGHING)
It's nice doin' business
with you, boo.
50 percent.
I'm gettin' 50 percent.
Marty, did you hear that?
50 percent.
(PLAYERS SHOUTING)
Yo, yo, yo, yo!
(BLOWING WHISTLE)
Look at this, man.
Fresh off the presses, y'all.
Harlem Money, you see that?
Come on, y'all, look!
Go grab your jersey, come on.
MOOKIE: I didn't know you got
money for second place.
Hey, man, what the hell
you doin' here?
Why don't you enlighten
this fool, C-Dawg?
- C-Dawg?
- I'm C-Dawg now.
New team, new nickname.
- Wait, what?
- Wait, what?
That's what I said to him.
I was like,
"C-Dawg, don't you
wanna be coached
by a dude
who looks like an M&M?
What about a dude who looks
straight up like a basketball?
- (PLAYERS LAUGHING)
- Like a Syracuse Orange man."
(LAUGHING)
I've spent my life savings
just to get
in this tournament.
I gotta give my girlfriend
half the winnings
or she's gonna leave me.
I took three buses and a train
just to pick up those jerseys.
Those Jordans, man! You know
how much that cost me?
Yo, by the way,
thank you for the kicks.
They are mad expensive.
There was no way
I was gonna buy 'em.
All right, boys, let's roll.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
DAX: Come back here!
Dantay! Other Dantay!
- Casper, take off those shoes.
- I'mma hold these.
DAX: You hear me, Casper?
Take off those shoes!
And comin' in at number one
on SportsCenter's
"Not Top Ten" list...
With the Rucker 50
right around the corner,
we have a meltdown
from New York City.
I'm told the man you see here
is a coach named Dax Winslow.
And, Dax, the good news is
you're on SportsCenter.
The bad news is...
JESS: Dax!
What's up, girl?
What'd I do wrong now?
VAN PELT: (ON TV)
I have so many questions.
You're rolling around
on the ground,
trying to take
somebody's sneakers
off their sweaty feet?
Is this your team?
Are these even your players?
Come on, man!
Dax, this is Rucker, man.
Have some respect.
Damn you, Scott Van Pelt!
Give me the shoe, Casper!
Right now!
VAN PELT: ...flopping around
on the ground like fish.
Everything gonna be
all right, okay?
I'mma figure something out.
I can't do this anymore.
Excuse me?
Do you think
that I'm countin' on you?
'Cause I'm not.
No, I was counting on Casper.
And you lost him.
You can't even do that right.
Go in there,
pack your stuff up, and leave.
You can't just kick me
out our house.
This is my apartment.
Do you even remember
the last time you paid rent?
Okay, every Taco Tuesday,
who buy the $2 tacos?
Don't nobody care
about no damn tacos!
Okay, I paid the water bill
- that one time.
- Get out my house!
Jess, I ain't got nowhere
to go. You know?
I didn't have no family.
And then I met you.
And you took me in.
And you changed my life.
Baby, we in this together.
You're my everything.
Please, just let me stay here
and figure things out.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey! Don't leave
with my bag, fool.
Where I'm supposed
to put my stuff?
Leave with what you came with!
Fine, I'll give you back
your stupid, fake bag.
It's not stupid, you stupid.
My bag is smarter than you!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Give my shoes back! (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHS)
VAN PELT: (ON TV)
This is Rucker, man.
You're supposed to
have some respect.
You're rolling around
on the ground...
trying to take
somebody's sneakers
off their sweaty feet?
I know y'all think this is all
fun and games and stuff.
But I used everything I got
on this tournament.
Did you get a receipt? Huh?
No, man,
the money's non-refundable.
That's cold.
This a perfect opportunity
for Dax to meet Uncle Drew!
(ALL GROAN)
Don't start that in here with
the old and the Uncle Drews.
You're trying to throw
a toothpick in a lumberyard.
The man is the greatest
blacktop player
I ever seen in my life.
He's real.
I've seen that boy put up
40 points
against The Destroyers.
Using just his left hand
and his chin.
His other hand,
he had a ham sandwich
with extra cheese on it.
And mayo. He likes mayonnaise.
Okay, come on, man,
that's just like
talking about Bigfoot.
Bigfoot. You can't compare
Bigfoot to Uncle Drew.
Son of a bitch
used to date my sister.
He used to date my sister
and my mother.
He actually hit
- my eighth grade teacher.
- Ooh!
Ain't none of my business what
that man does in his bedtime.
I know he had a foot fetish.
All right. The '60s was
a wild time. Okay? So what?
(EXCLAIMS)
Remember them Buicks?
Everybody had them
damn Buicks.
You'd ride around,
had them big old back seat.
You can't move your hips.
But you can still
move your lips.
Hey, I ain't gonna
go no further.
All you need is some Viagra,
and some dress socks.
ANGELO: Ain't have no damn
Viagra back then!
You had to get two ice-cream
sticks and a rubber band
to make the stuff
stand up like that.
I don't have time for this,
man. I gotta go.
Hey, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Dax,
hold on. Now, look.
You need to go holler
at Uncle Drew. Okay?
He's a Zen master
of basketball.
But you gotta believe.
Hey, look. Maybe he was good.
But you think this old man
can still ball? Come on, bruh.
I'm good, man. I gotta find
some players, man.
You'll be sorry, Dax.
Don't do that to yourself.
Get with Drew! Get with Drew!
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
(INAUDIBLE)
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Welcome to the jungle, baby.
Get out of here. Go corner,
corner, corner! Corner!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Over here, over here,
hold on, son!
OLD MAN:
See, that right there,
that's the problem
with your generation.
Million dollar move
and a five cent finish.
J: You haven't made
a shot yet.
Come on!
- I was open.
- I had to shoot it, man,
I've taken out trash that
don't stink as bad as that.
(CHUCKLES)
Dr. Naismith would be
rolling in his grave
if he knew what these bums
is up to out here.
You talk a lot of smack
for a geriatric.
It's a shame you can't
back any of it up.
(SIGHS) And who's to say
I can't?
(DAX CHUCKLES)
All right, then,
what's the bet?
If you win...
I'll leave the park
and I'll never come back.
J: Good.
BALLER: Real good.
But if I win,
you and your crew
start playing the game the way
it's meant to be played.
Oh, how's that?
On a peach basket?
(PLAYERS LAUGHING)
It's like a perfectly
orchestrated symphony.
- J: What?
- (GROANS)
Not any instrument is
more important than another.
And what's in it for you?
Love, youngblood. Only love.
What is this dude
talking about?
What the hell
does that even mean?
- (PLAYERS LAUGHING)
- What are you talking about?
Hold my nuts.
- (CROWD LAUGHING)
- J: Hold your nuts?
BALLER: Hey, J! Look at
this dude out here.
Everybody off the court.
Get off the court, man. Get
your big behind off the court.
Hey, man.
Give him the business.
(GROANS)
Ball up.
Hey, young fella,
you better watch that.
Aren't you gonna
get in your stance?
I am in my stance.
(ALL CHEERING)
J: Don't worry, grandpa.
Gonna have you home
in plenty of time for NCIS.
OLD MAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey. For the show
I know though,
even a bum ain't as broke
as your jump shot.
- Give it to him, J.
- Prove it.
You wanna see it rain?
Let it rain.
J: Raindrops. 2-0.
(PLAYERS LAUGHING)
Next basket wins it.
It's getting to be about
that time, ain't it?
(GROANS)
Yeah, give it to him.
This game is over.
- (BOTH GRUNT)
- (CROWD GASPS)
It's time for you to change
your PIN number.
'Cause you just got robbed.
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
- OLD MAN: Come on back.
- J, come on, son!
OLD MAN: You want me
to tell you your first mistake
or your second?
What's the matter,
you forgot the score?
One. You got too cocky.
There's a fine line between
confidence and arrogance,
youngblood.
Come on back. Come on back.
And then, two, you're
giving up your lead hip.
You might as well
unlock the door
and have your wife show me
where the china is.
I wouldn't do that either
if I was you.
BALLER: Come on, J! No, no!
- (CROWD GROANS)
- (CHUCKLES)
He cookin' your boy.
Man, you need to go back there
and play with them kids, man.
I get buckets.
Shut up, old man.
Go on, youngblood.
Check ball.
This game is all mental.
All mental.
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
Hand down, man down.
- Anybody got a GPS?
- BALLER: Come on, J!
You know, gonna need a whole
new zip code on that one.
(LAUGHS)
Game point, youngblood.
Whatever.
You ready?
Yo, I'll give you that.
BALLER: Nah.
Nah, don't give him that.
You still don't believe,
do you?
BALLER: Get your hand up!
No, don't give it to him.
Don't...
(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
MAN 1: Don't do him like that,
Uncle Drew!
Youngblood.
Good game.
MAN 2: Who is that dude?
Hey! Hey! Hey!
(CHUCKLES) Oh...
Oh, my God, man.
That was a pretty amazing
show you put on back there.
It was one of
the greatest things
I've ever seen, honestly.
How're you doing?
M-my name is Dax.
I'm not interested.
I haven't even told you
what I'm trying to do.
Okay, okay.
You can't believe
someone that looks like me
can play like Jordan,
Magic, or Bird.
You want
to take advantage of that.
See if you can cash in
somehow. I know your MO.
What? No, no.
You got me all wrong, man.
Look, I just want
to talk to you
about the Rucker, you know?
The Rucker?
You don't know nothing about
no real Rucker, youngblood.
Exactly. You right.
I don't know anything
about the Rucker.
A lot of us don't.
But someone like you
could help us, man.
We could combine
the old school
with the new school, right?
Like a old school,
new school remix.
Where you can educate
all the youngbloods
who are lost
in their way, right?
And show 'em what
they're really doing wrong.
You can do that.
Is a lot of lost youngbloods
out there, huh?
It is so many lost youngbloods
out here, it is ridiculous.
If I could help them, I would,
but I don't know,
because I'm lost, too.
Okay? And that's why
we need you.
Look, look, look.
Perfect example.
This is, this is who you are.
You a lonely lighthouse
in a sea of fog.
I actually kind of like that.
- I like that.
- That's good, ain't it?
Yeah, yeah, that's good,
that's good.
That's what I'm telling you.
You are coming
to the rescue, man.
You get a chance to teach this
in front of a bigger audience.
At the Rucker.
(WHISPERS) The Rucker.
Rucker.
The Rucker would be nice.
I'll tell you what.
I'll do it on one condition.
Yes!
Anything you want. I don't
care what it is. I got you.
It's gotta be my team.
My boys.
Okay. Anything but that.
No. Because it's my team.
Yeah, I guess we done here.
Dax whatever... (MUTTERS)
Okay, okay, okay.
I'm in, okay? My team.
Your roster.
It's my team, my roster.
Look, where you goin'?
It's a long drive
to Chocolate City.
Wait, Chocolate City?
What's in D.C.?
Preacher. He's the best power
forward I ever played with.
I mean, you don't know
no local power forward?
Somebody that stay
in the neighborhood?
Here she is. Yeah.
You know,
so if Billy Dee Willams
and Diana Ross
had a love child,
it would've definitely
been inside this van.
Go on and look way back there.
Go ahead. Take a look.
Take a look way back there.
That right there
is the boom boom room.
Boom boom room
come with one rule.
No shoes
in the boom boom room.
So, I could wear shoes
throughout the rest
of the part of this van,
but if I go
a couple feet back,
I gotta take my shoes off?
Why do I gotta take
my shoes off back there?
And I can leave my shoes on,
like right here?
It's the same space.
Well, it's the living room,
and then it goes
to the boom boom room.
See, that don't even make
sense because it's a van.
Everything is right
next to each other.
Let's go over
the rest of the rules.
No, but I'm saying
that don't...
Hey, don't be
slamming my door.
- Oh, I'm sorry about that.
- (GRUNTS)
Hey, man,
you just did the same...
Now, let's go over the rules.
One. I'm the pilot.
Means I steer the ship.
Two. I'm the weatherman.
I control the heat.
Did you just say heat?
I don't know if you know.
It's the middle of summer,
so maybe you should...
Three. Don't be questioning
one and two.
Can't help it if I'm running
a little cold these days.
Four, I'm the DJ, which means
I control the music.
- (ENGINE STARTS)
- Whoo!
DAX: What's that?
Is that a Game Boy?
- Electronic book?
- Mmm-hmm.
- You gonna see.
- (FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, yeah! You hear that?
You hear that?
- That's a eight track?
- You hear that?
(SINGING ALONG)
Come on, come on take a ride
That ain't no jive
Can't we just go
to Chocolate City?
Don't even have to drive
Can you at least turn down
the heat?
Slippity-slide
My glasses are sweating.
Just sail on
That's what I do
Just sail on, that's what I do
How you dancing like that
in a jogging suit?
Are you not hot?
(HUMMING)
I'm really creeped out.
Gotta get the boys.
I gotta turn up the heat
a little bit though. Yeah.
DAX: Please don't
turn the heat up!
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
DAX: We've been listening
to this song
since this morning.
It is nighttime!
- (R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
- Oh, yeah.
- Mmm.
- Ooh! (LAUGHS)
What you know
about this, Drew?
I thought this was gonna be
a boring road trip.
You got the classics playing,
man!
What you know about
the classics, youngblood?
I know a lot, man.
How did you get Biggie Smalls
on a eight track?
That's crazy, man!
Junior M.A.F.I.A.!
Junior what?
You know what I said.
You know who they are.
(RAPPING)
To all my ladies in the place
With style and grace,
allow me to...
- Okay. Okay.
- (TURNS OFF)
New rule, youngblood.
None of this
rappity-hippity-hop nonsense.
You understand?
What you mean
rappity-hippity-hop?
That's not what it's called.
It's called hip-hop.
My car, my version.
Talking about styling.
What is that?
First of all, I can tell
you don't have style.
'Cause you always
got on jogging suits.
Talkin' from the hustler
with the fake chains.
These are real.
I got these for my birthday,
- so go about your business.
- Yeah, right. Those cost...
- Three checks!
- Those cost
- fifty cent a piece.
- Three checks!
My teeth cost more than that.
This is real music.
Now listen to the words.
MAN: (SINGING)
At least as far as I can see
UNCLE DREW: Oh, yeah.
(SINGING ALONG) Can see,
I want to keep you here
Laying next to me
That's what I tell my girls
in the boom boom room.
Love between the sheets
Ooh, this is my favorite part.
Go ahead.
- My baby, ooh
- Okay. I'm sorry.
- Baby, baby, my love
- I'm sorry.
Stop sing...
You're ruining it!
First off. Watch your tone.
Look, here we go. Just listen
to it. Give it a try.
(BIG POPPA PLAYING
ON CELL PHONE)
Come on.
You see how quick I did that?
I just pushed play.
I ain't have to take out
an Atari cartridge
- and stuff it in the radio.
- Okay, okay. Pause, pause.
- How do you pause it?
- (MUSIC STOPS)
Okay, youngblood.
There ain't gonna be
none of that nonsense
here in my car right now.
You gonna call this nonsense.
This is one of the greatest
MCs of all time.
Yeah, what about
the Isley Brothers?
I don't know too much
of their history,
- but I'll Google it later.
- What is Google?
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
DAX: Hey, man,
is this a church?
UNCLE DREW:
Heck else it's gonna be?
Did we road trip
all the way out here
to pick up an actual preacher?
You got a problem with that?
No, I don't have a problem
with it, man.
But I thought it was,
like, a nickname,
like "Hot Sauce" or
"Crazy Legs" or "The Glove."
(CHURCH ORGAN PLAYING)
PREACHER: Amen. Amen, Amen.
We're gathered here
today to bear witness
(SING-SONGY)
to the anointing... Ha!
The christening... Ha!
The blessing... Ha!
Of this young rookie soul.
And it is with the purity
of heart we pray
that he will one day grow
to drive the paint...
Why is he holding him
like that?
...crash the boards
of moral righteousness.
No, no, please, no.
My man Kevin Durant started
a new beginning
in Golden State.
You preach, Preacher.
He's gonna dunk a baby.
(SINGING) One for the money
Two for the show
Three to get ready
(PREACHER VOCALIZING)
Whoa, whoa, wait, wait!
Hey! Man! What are you doing
with that baby, man?
You can't baptize a baby.
You cannot do that.
- You cannot...
- Hey, Dax.
- Dax, sit down.
- Drew, let me go. I got this!
That is a baby, okay?
You christen a baby, right?
You hold the baby, right?
Maybe splash a little water
on his face.
He gonna cry a little bit
but no big deal.
You don't dunk a baby
in a baptismal pool.
What type of parents
are y'all to let this
really large man
pick your baby up?
He did it like this.
He put your baby
behind his back.
You gonna let this man
Steph Curry your baby?
That's insane!
Uh, maybe the midget's right.
Yeah. Can we have
our baby back?
Is there something
I can help you with, son?
Dax. Give it a break.
- No!
- Sit down!
I'm not sitting down, Drew!
I'm taking a stand.
- All right.
- Thank you.
All right, I warned you.
Where you from, son?
I'll tell you where I'm from.
I'm from New York City, okay?
Look here, Tiny Tim.
Took me almost an hour
to fill up that pool.
Somebody's getting baptized,
you understand?
Dunk this potbelly Teletubby!
You can't talk to me
like that.
Y'all wanna baptize him?
- ALL: Yeah!
- What?
Bring him on up.
Dunk him like a fat donut.
- Dunk him, Preacher.
- What are you doing, man?
- That my boy, Drew.
- Mmm-hmm.
Drew, you gotta make him
take one for the team.
For the team!
No, no, no.
Gonna have to take one
for the team. Oh, yeah.
What you mean,
"Take one for the team"?
(PREACHER VOCALIZING)
Drew,
just like back in the day
when we used to hoop,
you could still throw
the alley-oop.
Thank you for throwing me
this lost soul.
- (CONGREGATION SHOUTING)
- (YELLING)
- (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
- (ALL CHEERING)
(CONTINUES YELLING)
(BALL BOUNCING)
One last run at the Rucker?
Hmm.
50th anniversary.
You know this is more than
a 50th anniversary.
This here,
divine intervention.
I wouldn't call it all that.
I'm gonna have to run it
by Betty Lou though.
Run what by Betty Lou?
Drew's putting the squad
- back together.
- Yep.
You forget what happened
to you, Preacher,
when you get
between them lines?
No, no, no.
I just ain't laced 'em up
in a while, that's all.
And there is
a reason for that.
Quick question.
What exactly is "a while"?
I mean, is that like
a few weeks or...
- 35 years. Still nice, though.
- 35 years.
Wait, 35 years? Come on, man,
that's ridiculous.
Our little hobbit is right.
It's ridiculous.
It's God's work that
matters now. Not basketball.
Just because it's God's work,
don't mean
it's not still work.
His work is never done.
Now, I've had
about enough of this.
Book of Psalms, chapter 62,
verse one and two.
Fool, please. Book of Psalms,
chapter 23, verse four.
(SING-SONGY) Ephesians five,
chapter 22, boom!
Book of Betty Lou, chapter
one, verse "I said so."
You heard the woman.
I can't go.
One, it wasn't
no black hobbits, right?
And, two, that is one
mean churchwoman.
She ain't supposed to be
calling me ugly like that.
Okay, and I'm handsome.
I'm the short version
of Idris Elba.
The ladies say it
all the time, man.
And is he even coming?
- He's coming.
- How do you know?
Basketball is in his blood.
Same as it is in mine.
Both of y'all old as hell,
okay?
And I at least
saw you play first.
I need to see him
shoot at least.
Youngblood, you can't
teach seven feet.
What you mean
you can't teach seven feet?
- What are you talking...
- Hallelujah!
Man can only take
so much nagging
before he done had enough.
I told ya.
He could have got in here
without yelling
"Hallelujah" in my ear, right?
Preacher, you're supposed
to take your shoes off
in the boom boom room.
You're gonna tell me the rules
of the boom boom room?
I'm just trying to make sure
we're clear, that's all.
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- Oh, Lord.
Spoke too soon.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
DAX: Why are we slowing down?
Light just turned red.
So? Run it, fool! You know how
worked up she can get.
UNCLE DREW: Oh, no, I ain't
trying to get no ticket now.
BETTY LOU: Preacher!
I know you in that van!
She got a baseball bat
in a church dress?
I am Betty to the Lou.
They don't even know
who they messing with.
DAX: Don't you know
any players
that don't require
a road trip?
And what's the deal
with Betty Lou anyway?
It's just one weekend.
Is it me?
Or is it nippy in here?
It ain't just you.
What is wrong with you two?
I am melting over here.
Good. Looks like you could
stand to lose a few.
Is it just me,
or is little man's head
abnormally large for his body?
Hey, youngblood, how much does
your neck hate your head?
- Big head, little neck.
- Funny jokes.
He was a baby bobblehead doll.
Wobble, wobble, wobble.
Actually, my head
is the most normalest size
you could think of.
I've measured my head.
Well, you sure got
some little ass ears then.
Mama deserve a purple heart,
passin' a melon that big.
Anybody else use a disco nap?
See, now that is
a good idea, Preacher.
My eyelids been heavy all day.
(BOTH SNORING)
DAX: Seriously?
These two are unbelievable.
You good?
PREACHER: All set.
Still a little nippy
in here though.
That's strike two, youngblood.
The next one, you gonna be
riding on the roof.
Not with that big ass head,
he can't.
Too much wind resistance.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(BALL BOUNCING)
Hey, Preacher,
can I ask you a question?
Can I say no?
What happened to y'all
back in the day, man?
Why did all y'all disappear?
Gotta ask him that.
So, Drew,
what happened in 1968?
Nothing a few Ws can't fix.
You really think
basketball could fix
what happened with you
and Big Fella?
Why not?
Play the game the right way,
it fixes everything.
You say so.
Come on, man. Okay, could you
get a jug or something?
You really love basketball,
don't you?
What's there not to love?
Basketball's the most
reliable thing in the world.
Don't complain,
don't ask any questions.
You bounce it,
comes right back up.
What about you, youngblood?
You ever play?
Nah, not really.
Why not?
'Cause I don't.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means what I said, okay?
I just coach, all right?
- I don't believe you.
- I don't play, okay?
All right. Well, you're up.
Wait a minute,
I thought you was the pilot.
I need you
to co-pilot for a spell.
Address is on the dash.
Don't mess up my car.
PREACHER: Aw, snap!
Prostate ain't
what it used to be.
DAX: How many times you gonna
use the bathroom?
Jesus, man. Need like a
built-in toilet in his shorts.
ANNOUNCER: (ON TV) Now, please
enjoy the latest in sports.
NEWS ANCHOR:
Let's go to Rucker Park
where our man,
Scoop Jackson
is interviewing seven-time
winner, Mookie Bass.
Oh, you gotta be kidding me.
Scoop Jackson at the Rucker
50, Harlem, USA.
Here with my man, Mookie Bass.
- Damn, Mookie.
- So, why do you keep
doing this, man? You have
a history of just winnin'
and winnin' and winnin' this.
When is it ever gonna stop?
Hey, that's a great question,
Scoop. It's like,
"What keeps you motivated?"
You know what I mean?
And for me, it's a rivalry.
Its power is derived
from rivalry, you know?
- Seriously?
- What is your source of power?
When Thomas Jefferson
sent car keys up in the sky,
and then it got
hit by lightning,
and that started
the first car.
This don't even make sense.
Now, I'm no scientist,
so don't quote me on this.
Although I do have a degree
from Trump University.
But every power
has a source for that power.
So, what's your source, then?
He know who he is and
we'll just leave it at that.
Bam! (LAUGHS)
Shoutout to Pepsi.
Shoutout to Oberto.
Shoutout to Aleve,
the number one painkiller
in the game right now.
And there it is.
I'mma just get out of here.
SCOOP: Rucker 50,
Tournament of Champions,
all going down in three days,
here in Harlem. Three days.
I'm coming.
MOOKIE: Three days,
you going down, Dix.
DAX: Damn,
there's a lot of trees.
Hey, man, you're not
kidnapping me, are you?
I'm serious.
I saw the movie Get Out.
The only reason
I'm still in this van
'cause you're a old black man.
But if you was white...
Drew, could you
tell your girlfriends
to get across the street?
Something I can help
you gentlemen with?
Looking for an old friend.
First name, Wilbur,
last name, Wallace.
You mean, Lights?
Check the D&B
across the street.
He likes to get his shots up
before lunch.
Yeah, that is Lights.
(TAPS TABLE)
See, that's what
I am talking about.
Somebody actually practicing.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
- Oh!
- (LAUGHING)
MAYA: Yeah, that's it.
- Swish!
- Oh, that was all net.
(LAUGHS)
- Good job.
- Boom, baby!
MAYA: Buckets.
Girl, you should've seen me
back in the day.
- (GAME BUZZES)
- Whoo-hoo!
Well, how'd I do?
It's the highest score
of the year, Lights.
LIGHTS: That means
you buying drinks, right?
That's exactly
what that means.
Means she's too nice to tell
a old turkey
like yourself the truth.
Wait a minute.
Drew!
- Lights.
- Drew!
What's going on, man?
I'm right here,
I'm right here.
What's going on?
Okay, now.
How's the release?
Oh, come on, Drew.
Just get me to my spot.
Once a shooter,
always a shooter.
What do you mean, "Once a
shooter, always a shooter"?
This dude shot
nothin' but bricks.
Damn, Preach. I didn't even
notice you over here.
Who else did you
roll in here with?
He's right there.
Hey, man. Brother! Okay,
this is my personal space.
Sorry.
DAX: Now, I got
a question, because
I've been seeing
a lot since I've been here.
Are you blind?
Legally or actually?
That don't even make any...
You know something?
I'mma... I'mma chill out.
Drew, can I talk to you
for five seconds?
Yeah, yeah. You chill out.
Trying to find my boy, Boots.
Oh, I'm Maya.
Boots is my grandfather.
Oh. Boots.
Great to meet you, Maya.
Where's the little shrimp,
anyway?
Not good, Drew. Not good.
MAYA: Grandpa.
Grandpa, you have some friends
here to see you.
Right over there.
You want to say hi?
(BALL BOUNCING)
Heads up, little man.
- Yeah. O.G.
- (GASPS)
PREACHER: He still got it.
UNCLE DREW: Yeah.
There he is.
How you doing, Boots? Ah, man.
PREACHER: Band back
together, huh?
UNCLE DREW:
Nah, I love you, too, bro.
- It's good to see you now.
- (GRUNTS)
Hey, little lady,
everything okay?
It's just been years
since he smiled like that,
and even longer
since he tried to stand.
Excuse me. You said this man
hasn't walked in years?
Yeah. A lot of years.
Look here, Drew.
I ain't trying to break up
your bromance, brother,
but, come on.
It's no time
for that, youngblood.
Gotta get Boots here packed
and ready to go.
I'm sorry. Packed for what
and ready to go where?
You didn't think
that we was gonna
leave here without him,
did you?
Okay, look, Drew, right?
- Uncle Drew.
- MAYA: Uncle Drew.
Can I just talk to you for
a second over here, please?
Okay, here's the deal.
I am all for him
getting a break
from this place
'cause, quite frankly,
I could use one, too.
But his doctors have him on
a full psychiatric lockdown.
So, that means no trips.
Just means
we gotta break him out.
No, that's illegal.
Break out?
Do you even hear yourself?
You are insane!
You're the coach, ain't you?
Figure it out.
Now, look, everybody.
Just like on the court,
- it's all about timing.
- Okay.
And I got the plan.
Here we go.
Lights, I need you to go in,
and I need you
to distract these nurses
here and here.
Once that happens, Preacher,
I need you to go in
and penetrate. Right?
All the way to the psych ward
and set a back pick...
- What is a back pick?
- ...on the security guard.
But make sure you do that,
a good pick.
A good forward
does a good pick,
and that's what
I need you to do.
Once that happens, Drew,
you're my all-star, brother.
I need you to sneak in there,
right, and get Boots
undiscreetly...
- Undiscreetly?
- ...take him to
the freight elevator
all the way to the roof.
You know he's in a wheelchair?
Once you get to the roof,
guess who's there? Me.
Your boy. I'mma have a rope...
Rope?
What do we do with that rope?
We tie the rope securely
on the wheelchair.
We will lower him down
- nice and slow...
- Whoa, lower?
- Until...
- (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Who is it?
You know, I don't
mind you being here,
but I had to draw
all this up
for you just to roll down
here on your own?
Look, just get in the van.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Pure magic.
Think I don't know
what you're up to, little man?
You think you're slick,
don't you?
This ain't nothing
but a full-court press.
I'll just take your rook,
boom!
Hold up. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
- Run that back, man.
- (LAUGHS)
Run that back.
Double or nothing this time.
Double or nothing this time.
DAX: So, you sure
you really wanna do this?
You know, this van
is full of old people,
and it's already smelling
like pee and Poligrip.
That is true. But I wanna see
my grandpa happy, you know?
Why do they call
your grandpa Boots?
Well,
it's an interesting story.
He wore the same
worn out pair of kicks
every time he stepped foot
on the court.
He refused to play
in anything else.
He would tell people that
they were his work boots.
You know,
I think it's really sweet
what you're doing for them.
We all need something
to look forward to,
even if it is
just a pipe dream.
What do you mean, pipe dream?
Uncle Drew is the real deal.
Yeah, but you don't actually
think they could win, do you?
I mean, that's what
makes it so sweet,
is that
you're doing it anyway.
You're basically just setting
$5,000 on fire
to see them happy.
If you ask me,
that's pretty noble.
Exactly who I am, you know?
Dax the Noble. (CHUCKLES)
We got a blind guy,
a guy who can't even walk,
and a preacher who still keep
a perm in his head.
What's wrong
with this next guy?
PREACHER: You wanna tell him
or should we?
DAX: Tell me what?
UNCLE DREW:
Don't even worry about it.
Oh. Sure you don't want us
to go with you?
Some songs are best sung solo.
Dibs on the van
if he actually kills you.
(BIG FELLA GRUNTING)
- (KIDS GRUNT)
- (SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE)
Hold stance.
(GRUNTING)
- (KIDS GRUNT)
- (SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE)
my young grasshoppers,
without the proper focus,
you will never truly master
your mind and body.
KIDS: Yes, Sifu.
(BELL JINGLES)
BIG FELLA: It is also
important to remember,
without a good defense,
your offense means nothing.
KIDS: Yes, Sifu.
Now, go in peace.
Get out of here.
(KIDS CHATTERING)
PREACHER: Look like a scene
out of Game of Death.
All these years, and you still
ain't figured out
that the best defense
is good offense, huh?
It's good to see you,
Big Fella.
(GROANS)
- Oh, my God, they're fighting.
- What happened?
- Okay.
- MAYA: Go get him.
Drew got knocked out, man.
I got to be
the getaway driver.
I brought my driving gloves.
That dude is a giant.
Best drop step
in the business.
Sup, Big Fella?
That sucker punch is the first
free throw you ever made.
(GROANING)
Putting the team
back together.
I can't do that
unless you're on board.
How about we play
one-on-one for it?
Can't always play your way
out your problems.
It's worked out
pretty good so far.
- Has it though?
- DAX: Okay, okay. Hey, hey.
Time out!
Large karate man, excuse me.
You look like
Wolverine's grandfather.
That's none of my business,
that's your look.
Okay, I get it.
Uncle Drew is annoying.
He's been getting on my nerves
for the last few days.
So, you don't have to do this
for him, that's cool.
But what about the rest
of these cats?
One last time around
the block, Big Fella.
What about Lights?
In the van with Boots.
Boots?
(FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)
I'll sweeten the deal for you.
You can do whatever
you want to this man.
- Wait, what?
- You can slap him,
you could karate chop him,
you can nunchuck him.
Knock him out again, kick him.
Okay, you can have a step show
on his old ass body.
I don't care.
But come play with us, man.
Come on, man.
I mean, what does that mean
in kung fu? Is that a yes?
Yeah, he's coming.
Yes. We got a giant
on our team!
And I hope
he can play basketball.
Hey, man,
what are you doing, man?
You ain't supposed to be
behind the wheel.
I'm the getaway driver.
What you mean,
you the getaway driver?
Dude, we ain't rob a bank.
I got this, young fella,
I got this.
Oh, come on now, Lights,
you know you're not
supposed to be driving.
Come on, man.
Not even a block or two?
No, no, you can't drive.
(BELL RINGING)
Is that who I think it is?
(TRAIN HORN BLARES)
- Where the hell she come from?
- (FUNK MUSIC PLAYING)
- What's happening? What?
- Betty Lou is happening.
- Come on.
- Why are we scared?
- Who is Betty Lou?
- That's my wife.
I wasn't supposed
to leave the house.
Come on, Lights.
You gotta get out the car now.
- LIGHTS: Drew, it's stuck.
- Wait, where is Big Fella?
Come on, we gotta move.
Shut up,
I'm not talking to you.
UNCLE DREW: Come on now,
Betty Lou's coming.
- BIG FELLA: Who?
- Betty Lou's coming.
I'm gonna kill him.
Lights, don't worry
about the seat belt.
- I can drive?
- Gas it before she kill us!
Not a scratch, you hear me?
I got you, Drew.
(FUNK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
- LIGHTS: Buckle up.
- Punch it, fool!
LIGHTS: Whoo-hoo!
DAX: You're going
the wrong way!
You're going in reverse!
- (LAUGHING)
- Lights, turn, turn!
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- (ALL SCREAMING)
- (LIGHTS WHOOPING)
- Lights!
LIGHTS: One voice, all right?
Ears can't take
all that hollering.
PREACHER: Incoming!
(FUNK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
DAX: You got a old pickup to
your left. Just curl around it
like you're jumping
off to your spot.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(LIGHTS EXCLAIMS)
(ALL EXCLAIM)
UNCLE DREW: Brace for impact!
(ALL SCREAMING)
Jesus, take the wheel.
- Pull over!
- No!
You don't know who
you're messing with, hobbit!
I'm not a hobbit, lady!
I'm a man!
(BOTH PANTING)
(HORN HONKING)
Hit the freeway!
She won't drive on no highway!
Spin it to win it.
- MAYA: What?
- (ALL SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
LIGHTS: Oh, y'all want me
to keep driving?
ALL: No!
LIGHTS: I thought
I did okay myself.
(FUNK MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(SIGHS) Here goes nothing.
(GIRLS CHATTERING)
(BEEPS)
- (BALL BOUNCING)
- (CHATTER CONTINUES)
Let's go, ladies.
On the bus. On the bus.
Hey, hey, Coach. Excuse me.
How you doin', man?
Dax Winslow, brother.
Are these girls
just wearing uniforms
just to be wearing them?
Or are they any good?
You're not from around here,
are you?
Two time, back-to-back
state champions.
I got $100 that say my guys
right here could destroy
these prom queens.
You got life insurance
policies on these guys, right?
Hopefully, you got
their parents' permission.
It would be impolite of me
not to take your bet.
- $100, man.
- Sold.
Look, guys,
we need to practice, okay?
What do you mean? Right now?
Look, this might be
the only opportunity we get.
What about Grandpa?
You know he can't
actually play, right?
Yeah, I figured the little
hobbit could take his spot.
Look here, Papa Smurf, okay?
Nobody asked you.
And, look, if we just gotta
play with four people,
then we'll do
just four-on-four.
We got one day, one damn day,
until the Rucker.
We need to be prepared.
Meet me outside, guys.
Come on, Big Fella.
COACH: Let's go, Trojans.
Match up, now.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
BIG FELLA: Pass the ball.
I'm open! Pass the ball!
LIGHTS: Yeah, Preach.
- (LAUGHS)
- PREACHER: Oh, yeah.
LIGHTS: Make it rain!
PREACHER: (GRUNTS)
That's a ladies' ball.
BIG FELLA: I'm open.
(GIRLS CHATTERING)
Come on.
COACH: Wait a minute.
Come on, guys, come on!
- Get down.
- BIG FELLA: Pass the ball.
Hurry up!
Move those old bodies!
BIG FELLA: Let me get
some of that.
COACH: Wave me over.
Match up.
Up top, up top.
LIGHTS: Oh, this is bringing
back memories now!
(COUGHS) Goddamn!
LIGHTS: Big Fella!
You mother...
Not exactly what
you were expecting, huh?
No, they are garbage.
Yeah, but they're smiling.
I mean, that's gotta count
for something, right?
Look at these guys. I mean,
Lights couldn't make a basket
if he had
a braille trail to it.
LIGHTS: Raindrop!
Big Fella and Uncle Drew,
they're talkin'.
- You're not open to me.
- Pass the ball, Kobe.
Come on, guys!
UNCLE DREW: I got it.
LIGHTS: Lights out, baby.
Wait a minute.
You see?
That's good basketball.
BIG FELLA: Barbeque chicken,
barbeque chicken.
Lobster in the house.
LIGHTS: Big Fella!
There you go! There you go!
Better step out.
- Come on.
- Time out!
See the way they move
without the ball?
They're all connected as one.
Reminds me of us
back in the day.
- LIGHTS: Of us?
- (ALL PANTING)
If they score one more point,
fellas, that's it.
Come on, Drew, you told me
these dudes can play.
This guy right here
can't even see.
Look, I'm standing here
doing this.
He don't even know
I'm doing that. Okay?
And this dude,
he's a karate man.
- He's meditating right now.
- (BIG FELLA CHANTING)
Y'all gotta get it together.
Drew, it's on you now, man.
Stop passing the ball.
You are the lead singer,
the leader of this team.
You are Gladys Knight
and these dudes are the Pips.
It's just a scrimmage,
youngblood. That's all it is.
It's not just
a scrimmage! Okay?
Look, I bet $100 on the game.
- What?
- What am I supposed to do?
Man, we don't have
no more gas left.
We're just runnin' on fumes.
What you want me to do?
(SIGHS) Look, guys,
they need to score
one more time. Just stop 'em.
You're really tall.
Just put your arms up,
they're little girls.
(GIRLS SHOUTING)
(GIRLS CHEERING)
Come on, man!
Good job, guys. Stayin' alive,
breathing. Good effort.
COACH: Great teamwork, girls.
Great teamwork.
BIG FELLA: Good game,
good game.
PREACHER: Good game, ladies.
Hey, Coach.
Pleasure doing
business with you.
Yeah. Me and the fellas
teamed up
to take care of that for you.
I just don't understand
why you ain't ask us
for the gas money?
It's not a big deal.
Just had to tell us.
And, remember,
Gladys Knight ain't nothing
without the Pips.
(R&B MUSIC PLAYING)
(SIGHS) Listen, Drew,
I really appreciate you guys
having my back
back there, right?
But that doesn't
take away from the fact
that we got
our butts kicked
by some teenage girls.
Matter of fact,
maybe we should look
- to get some more players.
- Forget that, youngblood.
My roster, my team.
Mind if we talk for a minute?
(CHANTING ON HEADPHONES)
I was thinking about the way
we used to run pick and roll.
Might make sense if...
Fine.
Everything good
back there, Preach?
Just thinking
about my Betty Lou is all.
You'll be back in her arms
before you know it.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
DAX: Yes! It may have took us
a while to get here,
but we are finally here
at the Rucker.
(SIGHS) Some of the greatest
basketball players
you've ever seen
have played in this...
You mind giving us
a minute, youngblood?
(STAMMERS) Okay. Sure.
We're here, fellas.
Oh, man.
I played on damn near
every outdoor court
in the country
over the years,
but battling
between the lines,
with you fellas here,
always felt like home.
LIGHTS: Feel you, Drew.
I feel you.
I got each of you
a little something.
Now, I know you never liked
the way they looked,
but Doc put a lens
in there for a reason.
Take your time, now.
Now, go help him put it on.
Put it on.
LIGHTS: Why didn't y'all
say anything?
(LAUGHS)
Man, y'all look so... So old.
- I think he can see.
- (LAUGHS)
And, Preach.
That face! (LAUGHS)
I can see! Lights out, baby!
Whoo-hoo!
Oh, yeah! Yeah, Drew.
Welcome home, Lights.
Welcome home.
I know you remember this one.
Gave it to me
when we was nine.
You told me...
Told you it would give you
a strength
you didn't even know
that you had.
And it did.
Now it's your turn.
LIGHTS: Oh, come finish this,
Preach. Come finish it.
MAYA: All right, Preacher!
Aw, yeah, baby.
Boots, you ain't think
I forgot about you, did you?
Left 'em back
in the van in '68.
Figured they might still got
a little spring to 'em.
Yeah.
Just like you left 'em. Hmm?
I love you, too, bruh.
Easy now.
Let's see if they fit
before you start
going and getting
all emotional on me.
(CHUCKLES)
No, wait. Is he...
He can't get up. He...
(LIGHTS GASPS)
Yeah. Yeah.
UNCLE DREW: Oh, nice.
Look as good as the first time
you put 'em on.
Yeah.
Yeah, Bootsie!
(ALL LAUGH)
That's it, Boots. That's it.
Kinda like breathing. Couldn't
forget how even if you tried.
I saved the best for last.
Brick City
Two-on-Two Tournament,
when we was 15 years old.
First tournament
we ever won together.
(SIGHS) Yeah.
BIG FELLA:
This ain't no apology.
Don't even try it.
PREACHER: Big Fella.
Big Fella.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Hey, Jess. Come on, open up,
it's me. It's Dax.
- (SHOWER RUNNING)
- Yeah, I got a team now.
I really think
we got a chance.
Did it ever occur to you
to call first?
It did occur to me
to call first.
But I couldn't because
you cut my cell phone off.
That's because I broke up
with your pathetic ass.
But you know what?
My new boyfriend,
he took care of everything.
Wait, what you mean,
you got a new boyfriend?
We just broke up...
Hey, what's up?
What's that facial expression?
You look like someone
just took your girl.
Oh, that's right.
Oh, I think that's
what happened, though.
JESS: (LAUGHING) Yeah.
Sorry we couldn't
hear you knocking
- 'cause we was in the shower.
- JESS: Mmm-hmm.
MOOKIE: We weren't gettin'
clean, were we?
No, we weren't.
- No, we were getting dirty.
- Dirty. You so dirty.
Y'all know I'm standing here,
right?
Can I just get my uniforms
and get out of here?
- Uniforms?
- Uniforms.
- How come?
- I got a team.
- You got a team?
- Yes.
- Aw, that's cute, bruh.
- JESS: Mmm-hmm.
- That's real cute.
- MOOKIE: Here ya go.
Good luck. Hey, will you
cook me breakfast?
Mmm, I'll make you
an omelet, boo.
Oh, I'mma scramble your eggs.
DUKE TANGO: Welcome, ladies
and gentlemen, boys and girls,
to the Rucker 50th
Tournament of Champions.
I am yours truly, Duke Tango.
Today we bring you
the best of the best
of the Rucker crowd
and $100,000.
That's right, $100,000,
and it's all here in Harlem,
US of A!
This is where it happens.
This will make you,
this will break you.
Here we go! Game one.
Hilltop Mavericks versus
Homecourt Advantage.
Let's do this! Let's do this!
Oh, yeah!
(CROWD CHEERING)
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
(DUKE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(CROWD CHEERING)
DUKE:
It's one of those days
when the crowd
is a little thin.
(DUKE CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)
Now, is it me
or is it empty in here?
LIGHTS: Nah, Preach,
it ain't you.
We used to ball out in front
of twice as many people.
Youngblood, I don't know
about this name.
PREACHER: Bruh, I'm straight
from Chocolate City.
Yeah, I think, guys, it's more
about where we are now...
Stop! Look,
it's not about the name.
We don't have
a fifth player, guys.
If we don't get nobody else,
we gotta forfeit.
We need Big Fella.
Where is he at?
He'll be here.
Yeah, but what if he's not?
I'm pretty sure
those basketball shoes.
Although,
your calf-to-shoe ratio
is not all that great.
Yeah, and his body's
really bad.
It's not built for jumping.
DAX: Okay. Okay.
Let me tell y'all something...
I don't play basketball.
And, yes, my calves
don't match my body.
I done had these calves
since I was seven.
Went to a doctor, saw
somebody, and he was, like,
"Hey, man, we don't know what
we can do about it."
Yes! He is here.
The Black Messiah.
Grandfather. Okay.
- MAYA: Don't. He is here...
- He's here.
Everybody get on the court.
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Let's go.
(SCATTERED SHOUTING)
What are you doing? Move!
Something you wanna say to me?
We're in the middle of a game!
Can we get some help out here?
I don't know what's going on
at the half court position,
but it ain't helping 'em.
Are they fighting?
I'm not running down
until you say it.
- Say what?
- You know what.
I'm not talking about her.
- Hey, hey, hey, timeout.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Yo, yo, yo! Hey, hey.
Come here, bring it in.
What are you two doing?
I ain't run out on my old lady
just so we can come out here
and play like this.
I'm out.
Hey, nah, you're not going
nowhere, Drew.
You will stay right here.
And I don't know
what you two are doing.
You said you wanna
teach the kids
how to play the game
the right way.
But this is not the right way,
arguin' with your teammate.
Let's play some basketball!
We are a team.
Bring it in, guys. Come on.
Whatever y'all got going on,
work it out after the game.
Bring it in.
Harlem Money on three.
- One...
- Let's go get this money, man.
Come on.
Well, just play.
- (MUSIC PLAYING)
- DUKE: Back to live action,
here we go!
This is Boots with the ball.
Over to my man, Uncle.
Uncle Drew, yes! Uncle Drew!
This is The Mosquito
with the handle.
Oh, no, no, no!
Steal away for Uncle!
Look at the handle.
75 years old
and still can't admit it.
Selfish son of a bitch.
DUKE: Uncle Drew
doing it once again.
(ALL CHEERING)
It's the third period, baby.
The Uncle Drew Show continues.
(ALL CHEERING)
Harlem Money is running away
with this one.
Another basket and they will
be going to the next round.
How come you just can't admit
you messed up?
We hardly even knew her.
Matter of fact,
I bet you can't
even remember her dang name.
You don't remember
her dang name?
(GROANS)
I married her, punk.
(GROANING)
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
PREACHER: Come on, baby.
Come on.
You really wanna
make this right?
Stop running from the truth.
UNCLE DREW: Can't believe
you ended up
marrying her anyway.
BIG FELLA: Can't believe
you slept with her
the night before the finals.
I loved her.
I don't know
if you knew this, but...
Yeah, I knew. (SIGHS)
I always knew.
Spent five decades
pretending like I didn't.
But I saw the way
you looked at her
when she walked in the park.
So, why'd you do it, then?
I loved her, too.
Look, Big Fella, I'm sorry.
I've been sorry
my whole damn life.
You mean that?
I mean that
with everything I got.
If I can go back
and change it, I would.
Believe me.
I need you to feed me.
Excuse me?
You may not understand this,
but, uh, I can really
shoot the ball.
Let the Big Fella eat, huh?
Like The Last Supper, baby.
Oh, too slow, too slow.
ANGELO: Hey, that ain't no
figment of my imagination.
Somebody 'bout to eat
their words.
That's Drew there.
Hey, Drew, hey!
Look at that face! Go ahead,
scratch and smell him.
Scratch and smell him.
- You real.
- Yeah.
(SNIFFS) He real. He real man.
This ain't no hologram.
Been a minute, Angelo.
What's goin' on?
Oh, been a minute.
Good to see you, Drew.
Always good to see you.
What you gonna do with all
that money when you win?
- Come again?
- The purse. The purse, Drew.
The hundred stacks
of high society at stake.
You know, the duckets.
Wasn't ever no purse
back in the day.
No, it wasn't ever
nothin' like that.
But $100,000 of cash, baby.
I'd sign up, you know
what I'm saying?
UNCLE DREW: You think
I'm stupid, youngblood?
Hundred grand
is a whole lot of money.
Look, man, I was gonna
talk to you about...
Yeah, when? When?
You just don't get it, do you,
youngblood? This game...
The love I got for it,
it's all sacred to me.
You told me
that you love the game.
You don't love the game.
You use it just like you use
everything else in your life.
You ain't nothing
but a hustler.
Hey, man,
who you talking to, man?
Hey! Talkin' to you, man.
Watch your tone, youngblood.
You don't think I got
love for this game?
Don't nobody love this game
more than me.
Talkin' about Jordan, 63
against Boston. I saw that.
Laettner's turnaround
against Kentucky.
Bird steals the ball to win
the Eastern Conference Finals
to beat the Pistons.
I saw all of that
and I loved it.
But guess what,
the game never loved me back.
So, then what happened then?
I missed a shot.
I shot it, it got blocked.
I was humiliated.
Everybody walked out on me.
Now, that's the first
real thing you've done said.
That's the real Dax.
Now, come on,
let's go play this game.
It's about the love,
youngblood, nothin' else.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALL CHEERING)
- Yes!
- Get it, Grandpa!
DUKE: This Big Fella.
This is the Big Fella.
- (ALL CHEERING)
- Ooh!
Ah, shit, I'm loose.
DUKE: Uncle looking at it.
What he gonna do with it?
- The Preacher!
- Oh, in the name of Jesus!
Finally gettin' my legs back,
y'all.
DUKE: This is Uncle Drew
to Lights.
- Money!
- All right, Lights!
The reason
they call me Lights.
- Yeah!
- (GRUNTS)
Don't bring
your little ass in here.
(GRUNTING)
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(ALL CHEERING)
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
- And that's it?
- That's right.
You swipe right if you
like 'em, left if you don't.
You couldn't even see
the day before yesterday.
Mmm-hmm. Exactly.
That's why
I'm always swipin' right.
It's more of a numbers game.
Looks a little different
these days, don't it?
She gonna get him pregnant
if she keep dancing like that.
If I wasn't so sore,
we'd get out there
and show 'em our old routine.
(LAUGHING)
Excuse me, son,
do we amuse you?
Yo, you're in the club,
and you're pushin' 80, bro.
And what's up with your boy,
Frederick Douglass?
- (MAN LAUGHING)
- Hey!
Heard he was doing
great things. (LAUGHING)
Hold my beer.
Grandpa!
MAN: Don't hurt nobody, pop.
Ah, yeah! Gonna get real grody
up in this joint now!
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALL CHEERING)
(LAUGHING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Oh, my God!
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
ALL: Oh! Oh! Oh!
(ALL CHEERING)
You know somethin', man? I did
not think your grandfather
would ever get up
out that wheelchair.
Me neither. I heard stories,
but I never knew
he could play like that.
So how much your parents
paying you
to watch your grandfather?
Why does anybody
have to be paying me?
Why can't I just enjoy
spending time with my family?
Well, I wouldn't know
anything about that.
'Cause I never had one. So...
What do you mean
you never really had one?
What do you call those guys?
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
I honestly had
a lot of fun tonight.
Me too.
Well, I guess it's time to go.
Yeah, we should go ahead
and get up out of...
PREACHER:
He ain't gonna do it.
Hey.
- Hey.
- PREACHER: It's you!
BOOTS: No! Mmm-mmm.
PREACHER: You open!
LIGHTS: Take a shot!
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- (ALL GROAN)
Sorry. I'mma go.
I need some water.
- Sure.
- 'Cause my throat is dry.
Yeah, I know how that is.
I'll take care of this.
Take a gap?
Thank you, appreciate that.
Yeah, yeah.
Don't worry about it.
PREACHER: Anybody give him
some training
on how to talk to a lady?
Okay, look, man,
I don't wanna hear that.
Anything, okay? Not one single
freakin' word.
Maybe she should've
taken her heels off.
I'll tell ya, youngblood,
last time I checked,
you miss 100% of the shots
you don't take.
Yeah, let's get
out of here, man.
(ALL CHUCKLING)
LIGHTS: Let's give him
a piggyback.
DAX: Big Fella,
what are you doing?
LIGHTS: We'll give him
a little piggyback.
DAX: That's right. Two down,
two to go. We almost there.
(LAUGHING)
Yo, how's that geriatric team
of yours, bro?
You get 'em all individual
Life Alert bracelets?
Hey, man, are you wearing
my clothes?
What?
Yes, that's my shirt.
You got on my shirt, man.
That's right,
I got on your shirt.
Or maybe you got my shirt on.
- What? Wait, wait.
- What? Wait, wait.
- That's my shirt.
- That's my shirt.
- You got on my clothes.
- You got on my clothes.
- Stop it! You're crazy.
- Stop it! You're crazy.
That's right. I'm crazy.
I'm being you.
The only way to defeat
one's enemy
is to become one's enemy.
- You're nuts!
- You're nuts!
- You're psycho!
- You're psycho!
I'll see you in the finals,
Dax. Psycho.
(LAUGHING)
- (CROWD CHEERING)
- (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
BIG FELLA: All day.
DAX: Yes! There you go,
Big Fella!
MAYA: That's what I'm talking
about, Big Fella!
Off shot! Handled it.
- Good rebound!
- MAYA: All right.
Oh, shot, shot, shot.
Get that out of here!
- What do I do, what do I do?
- Just back up.
Oh, yeah.
I remember this play.
Too late. Got 'em.
Yes! That's what
I'm talkin' about, Lights.
You are the man!
DUKE: This is Boots.
Boots goin' down death valley!
Uh-huh! Baby!
Harlem Money
is going to the finals,
with only seconds left
in the ballgame!
- Still hungry, huh?
- Just a little dessert.
Hey, take the three,
Big Fella, why not?
DUKE: This is to send 'em.
They're already there.
That's all right, Big Fella.
(GROANING)
Big Fella.
Big Fella. Big Fella.
Big Fella.
REFEREE:
Somebody get a doctor.
UNCLE DREW: Come on!
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse me. Let me in here.
DUKE: The Big Fella is down.
UNCLE DREW: Stay here,
Big Fella. Stay in it.
PARAMEDIC: Beginning CPR.
PREACHER: Oh, Lord,
give him some room,
give him some room.
You're okay, boss.
UNCLE DREW: Come on,
Big Fella. Come on, Big Fella.
(MACHINES BEEPING)
LIGHTS: Doctor already said
he's been through
the worst of it.
So, what... What do we do now?
You don't stop playing
'cause you get old.
You get old
'cause you stop playing.
BETTY LOU: Preacher!
Hi. And I'm so sorry
about the Big Fella.
Is he gonna be okay?
But I've been missing you
so much.
Come here, come here.
I missed you too, baby.
(SNIFFLES) Now, look.
If you don't want me to go
ball, I don't have to ball.
Fool, please, after all this?
You're playing.
Matter of fact...
You saying what I think
you're saying?
I'm saying what you think
I'm saying, Preacher.
So we gonna ball?
So we gonna ball.
(LIGHTS LAUGHS)
PREACHER: That's what
I'm talkin' about, boo.
DUKE: Welcome! This is what
we've all been waiting for.
The new be versus the old.
The old be versus the new.
The good be versus the bad.
Are they gonna be a no-show
like they did in 1968?
- (HORN BLARING)
- But, no, they're not.
Here they come! They're here!
Here they come, baby!
Here they come! Aw, yeah!
We got a game on our hands!
(RAP MUSIC PLAYING)
Okay, Grandpa,
you gotta take your pills
before you start, okay?
Preacher,
we gotta take our pills.
Not the blue ones.
Save those for tonight.
It's all right.
What we gonna do?
- We gonna get this win.
- We gonna get this win, right?
Look, this one's
for Big Fella, okay?
So, Big Fella on three.
One, two, three.
ALL: Big Fella!
Here we go, C-Dawg!
Let's do this, baby.
You got this, Drew.
You the man, bruh.
You put this team together,
remember that.
Your roster, my team.
That's right, your team.
Last week, I took your team.
Yesterday, I took your girl.
Today, I'm gonna
take your heart.
Man, you've...
Okay. (GRUNTS)
- Stop it!
- Stop what?
- Folding your arms like me.
- Folding your arms like that.
CASPER: Let's get this win,
baby.
Good luck, youngblood.
Oh, luck ain't got nothing
to do with it, Old Dusty.
"Old Dusty"?
Pastor Wrinkles,
what's the word, man?
(LAUGHS) Young fella
got jokes.
- Shoe ain't tied.
- What shoe? Huh?
- Lights!
- DUKE: Championship time!
Oh, that's the oldest trick
in the book!
You gonna let him...
Oh, come on, now!
DUKE: Over to Uncle. Jumper.
In and out.
That's okay, guys!
DUKE: The bounce pass
to Casper. Casper, oh, my God!
Oh, yeah,
I need you to see me.
Wipe your goggles, old fella.
I need you to see me.
- You gotta see me all night.
- Man, move. Fool, please.
- That's right, Casper!
- Come on, Drew!
DUKE: This is Uncle.
Cross the mid-court line.
Betty...
Lights out! No good!
Oh, man!
MOOKIE: That's right,
old people are overrated!
DUKE: Over to Casper
the Friendly Ghost.
Nothin' but the bottom
of the net.
Wake up! Come on!
LIGHTS: Up! Up! Up!
(ALL CHEERING)
- DUKE: You gotta love it!
- Yes!
DUKE: Mario,
comin' back down court,
kickin' it over to Beazy!
JESS: We makin' baskets!
That's right,
we makin' buckets, baby.
DUKE: Uncle Drew
the other way. This is Betty!
Betty Lou jumper no good.
They fightin' for it, baby!
They fightin' for it!
Betty Lou wins it!
Get it, Betty Lou!
There you go, Betty Lou.
There you go!
You know that's really a man.
CASPER: I got Drew.
(PANTING) Slow it down.
Slow it down.
They tired, yo. They tired.
The fatigue's settin' in.
- Betty Lou. Switch it!
- Fatigue's settin' in.
You can hear
their knee caps grinding.
DUKE: Uncle, Betty Lou.
Downtown!
You gonna let a girl
score on you?
DUKE: This is Casper
the Friendly Ghost.
Oh, my God!
Oh, that's right.
That's right, baby.
- DUKE: Oh!
- Oh...
DUKE: Turnaround, once again.
The friendly one.
What a goal! Oh, baby!
Somebody get on Casper,
come on, man!
DUKE: Casper!
Damn, man!
DUKE: Homecourt Advantage
is running away
- with the first half.
- (BUZZER SOUNDS)
(MACHINES BEEPING)
BIG FELLA:
My TV ain't working.
Do I look like an electrician?
(INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMEN ON PA)
I know, right?
Oh, yeah, that was him. Brian.
Y'all got a TV?
WENDY WILLIAMS: Just judgin'.
Me and her,
we're talkin' about Rachel.
Where you from?
What's your name?
I'm Kathy from Staten Island.
How you doin'?
Thank you. How you doin'?
Oh, wait. Come on.
You're my victim.
- I mean... I mean, my patient.
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
That's my team right there.
I used to play on that team.
Okay, guys, bring it in.
Let's turn this game around.
So, on three, Big Fella.
One, two, three.
ALL: Big Fella!
DAX: Let's go, guys.
DUKE: Harlem Buckets down by
16 at the start of the third.
Here we go!
Casper, the Friendly Ghost
from downtown!
Get in front of your man.
DUKE: Boots with the ball.
Lookin' at it.
Boots makin' his move.
To Lights from downtown.
Not this time.
Reynolds Wrap to Casper.
BETTY LOU: Not today.
Give me that.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- Please, not in my house.
- Come on, now. That's a foul!
- That's what
- I'm talkin' about.
- You know that's a foul.
Where I'm from,
it's no blood, no foul.
- Where you from?
- I just came from Hell,
whooping the Devil's ass,
that's where I'm from.
- Break it up.
- MOOKIE: That's not godly.
They gangbangin' for Jesus.
DUKE: Back to live action!
Here we go!
Deflected! Goin'
the other way!
Good block. Come on, y'all,
let's get it.
DUKE: Uncle, look at him!
Off the backboard to Preacher!
Damn, man! Get the ball,
let's go!
My backboard,
my house, sucker.
MAYA: That's what
I'm talkin' about!
- DAX: Put it home, Preach!
- (BOTH CHEERING)
That what I'm talking about!
DUKE: This is Casper with it.
Kicks it over to Mario.
Jump shot. No good!
Yes! That's right, y'all,
we got this.
DUKE: He kicks it over,
right side to Betty Lou!
Oh, my!
- Oh, my!
- Yeah!
Yes!
DUKE: Uncle to the rescue!
Get on that old man!
DUKE: Harlem Buckets
are trying to come back.
This is Casper with it.
Casper, looking at it.
Come on, now!
PREACHER: I got this.
DUKE:
B-B-B-B-B-B-Boots with it.
Booty through
the defender's legs.
Look at Boots. (INDISTINCT)
- (ALL CHEERING)
- (DAX LAUGHS)
Yes! Way to finish, man.
DUKE: I can't believe it.
They're trying
to make a comeback.
Reynolds Wrap to Casper.
For 30!
It's shut down time.
PREACHER: Now shoot,
Betty Lou. Get 'em.
DUKE: Over to Betty Lou! Good!
Get your head out your ass.
I knew I married you
for a reason, girl.
Game recognize game,
big daddy.
DUKE: Here we go. This is
Uncle Drew with the ball.
It's him and you, you and him.
What you gonna do?
What you gonna do?
Drew steps back.
Left-handed jumper...
What'd I tell you?
What'd I tell you?
Harlem Buckets, baby.
DUKE: Kicks it out over.
Oh, I got this. My board,
my board. Let's go.
Are you kidding me?
DUKE: Here he go.
Light the light.
- Bang!
- DUKE: Lights out, baby.
That makes it
a two point lead.
Here we go! The fast break!
There we go, there we go!
- Whoa.
- LIGHTS: I got ya now!
MAYA: That's what I'm talking
about, Lights!
- DAX: Get that outta here!
- That's a foul! Come on now!
MAYA: Lights?
DAX: You see that defense?
You all right, Lights?
Get up, man. Get up.
Lights. Lights,
where does it hurt?
- LIGHTS: Ankle.
- Okay, okay. Sit up.
Yo, that's bush league,
Winslow.
You took out my player.
Man, what are you
talking about?
Your boy, James Unworthy,
just knocked my boy out.
Cheatin'-ass cheaters.
Y'all need to cheat to cheat.
MAYA: It's gonna be all right,
it's gonna be all right.
LIGHTS: (GROANS) I'm getting
too old for this.
What are we gonna do, bruh?
Lights is out.
What we gonna do?
- What you mean?
- What you mean, "What I mean"?
We have no more players left.
It's your moment, ain't it?
No. I've already told you
a million times.
I'm not playing, okay?
Plus, I ain't played
in decades, bruh.
- (LIGHTS GROANS)
- UNCLE DREW: And they have?
Drew, it's different, okay?
They were actually good
when they played.
Listen to me, youngblood.
You think you're the only one
that made that mistake
that defined their life.
I've been on the road
my whole life.
I got no real friends.
I'm bouncin' city to city.
And you wanna know why?
Because I got too much pride
to say I'm sorry.
You know how that sounds?
Have too much pride
to say you're sorry
to the people that love you?
Don't you dare
be like that, youngblood.
You be better than that.
This is the moment.
You gonna run away from it,
or you gonna step up
and take it?
Choice is yours.
MOOKIE: That's right, bruh.
Championships.
This is destiny now.
I'll play under one condition.
And what's that?
Let me guard the white boy.
Let's roll!
DUKE: It's a minute
and nine second left, folks.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- Excuse me. Timeout, timeout.
- Timeout, timeout!
- Who are you?
JESS: I'm the assistant coach.
I'm here to make sure that
he's tall enough to ride
the ride that my man
about to put him on.
DAX: What are you doing, man?
This should be a technical
foul or something.
I'mma kick you off this court
like I kicked you
out my house.
- MOOKIE: That's right.
- That's mean, okay?
Excuse me? I don't know
who you are
or what this is about,
but could you please take it
back to the stands
- so we can play some ball?
- Who are you?
If you keep talking,
you're gonna find out.
Oh, you about to find out,
honey.
I come from a long line
of choir members.
So, we gonna clap back!
- Yeah, that's right.
- I bet you do.
Just clap you up out of here.
Don't play with me.
MAYA: I will not!
MOOKIE: I love you, baby.
JESS: I love you, too.
We believe in you guys.
Be aggressive.
- All right.
- What am I doing now?
Brought your girl,
playin' mind games.
Ain't nobody scared
of you, man.
Oh, ain't nobody
scared of me?
- DAX: Let's do this, man.
- What's Dax doing in the game?
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)
I got your back.
I got your back.
BETTY LOU: Trail, Dax, trail.
PREACHER: All right.
Yo help Uncle Drew.
No, move. Come on.
DUKE: It's him and you, baby.
What you gonna do?
Let's go, baby. Let's ball,
baby. Vanilla Sky!
DUKE: Oh, it's a four point
lead now.
Come on, youngblood.
That's too easy.
Look, it won't happen
next time, okay?
DUKE: Uncle gently across
the mid-court line,
with seconds left.
He's gotta foul whoever
may be guardin' him.
Uncle to Preacher.
It's the Preacher, man.
Oh, baby, hallelujah!
Praise the Lord, Preacher,
praise the Lord.
Here we go now.
DUKE: Harlem Money in
desperate need of a turnover.
If not, Homecourt Advantage
can walk away and win it all.
Here we go.
What that white boy doing
with that ball?
DUKE: Oh, he's doing
his shaky-shake.
MOOKIE: That's right.
Good steal, Dax, good steal.
BETTY LOU:
Go on, Dax, shoot it!
UNCLE DREW: Let it fly, Dax!
Shoot it, shoot it! Put it up.
- Come on, Dax! Shoot it!
- Take that shot, bro!
- Timeout.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
Timeout? You gonna
make me have
another heart attack, boy.
MOOKIE: Hey,
he fouled me on that.
You're saying
he didn't foul me?
That was a reach, ref.
Let's go.
(STAMMERING) Okay, relax.
Listen, I got this.
Drew, they can't
guard you, man.
All we need you to do is just
penetrate to the bucket,
do what you've been doing,
the defense
will collapse on you.
Once they do that,
you kick it out to Betty Lou.
Betty Lou will take the three.
That's it.
Game over. Game plan.
That's it.
What? Seriously,
what's wrong with that play?
You'll make it.
Excuse me?
Drew's right.
They're not even guarding you.
It's a reason
for that, Lights.
Leave the past in the past,
move on.
You got this, Dax.
UNCLE DREW: We don't need you
to be great all the time.
We need you to be great
this one time.
Can you do that?
We believe in you.
What if I miss?
ALL: What if you don't?
You got this.
Come on now.
LIGHTS: Let's go.
Let's bring it in.
We in this together.
You got this. Buckets on
three. One, two, three.
ALL: Buckets!
UNCLE DREW: Preach,
Preach, Preach.
In case something happens,
we got no more timeouts, okay?
You sure?
Yeah, I'm sure.
We used our last one.
I could have swore
we had one more.
DUKE: This is it. This is
for the money in the bank.
This is for all the marbles.
Come on, come on, Dax.
DUKE: Buckets, down by two,
a three can win.
Eight seconds left
in the ball game.
This is Uncle with it. Uncle,
looking at it.
Uncle over to Hobbit.
(BUZZER SOUNDS)
(ALL CHEERING)
(ALL CHEERING)
DAX: Yes, we won the Rucker,
baby! We won the Rucker.
PREACHER: That's what
I'm talkin' about, baby!
DAX: We did this, man!
We did that!
PREACHER: You the man!
Mookie! Hey, Mookie!
Good game, man.
Good game, bro.
I see what you're doing now.
Playing mind games with me.
Okay. I'll see you next year,
bruh. The cycle continues.
(MOOKIE LAUGHS)
DAX: Fellas,
we did that, y'all.
PREACHER: Pick him up!
Pick me up? Hey! No, no, no.
He's way too heavy, boy.
BETTY LOU: His head too big.
Head weigh about
a hundred pounds.
I'll be back, y'all.
Hey.
Hey.
Oh. (LAUGHS) This is nice.
(LIGHTS LAUGHS)
- I'll be back.
- Okay.
PREACHER: There ya go.
That's what
I'm talking about,
young fella.
(ALL CHEERING)
The hero, Dax.
Man, I'm damn proud of you.
You took that last shot.
You miss a hundred percent
of the shots you don't take.
Game ball goes to you.
Your team. Your roster.
Nah. My family.
Big Fella, man, I'm really
happy that you're okay, man.
(WHIRRING)
And if anything...
(WHIRS)
- We were all really...
- (WHIRRING)
(LAUGHING)
Okay, look, I paid the bill.
Thanks.
I had to pay the bill.
You know why?
That's what you do for family.
Shh! You still talking?
Hey, check it out,
we're on SportsCenter.
Everyone was clowning him,
including us.
Well, you're number one
tonight
in the right top ten
for this right here.
Dax Winslow,
all three of these,
and the Harlem Buckets
win the Rucker 50.
I'm still baffled
by a lot of this guy's story.
I don't understand a lot,
frankly, but I know this much.
He went from
a punchline to a hero,
getting carried off
on his teammates'
shoulders in Rucker.
Way to go, Dax.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
DAX: (ON VOICEMAIL)
Yo, yo, yo,
here's the coach of the year.
Dax is here, baby.
I be the Rucker champ.
Just leave a message,
you know,
- when I give you the chance.
- (BEEPS)
Hey, Dax, it's, uh, me, Jess.
When you get a chance,
give me a call back.
- (BEEPS)
- Hey, Dax, it's me again.
- (BEEPS)
- Your phone must be dead,
'cause it went
right to voicemail.
Do you remember
when I made that investment
in them shoes?
Do you remember that?
You remember that?
Do you remember that?
Do you remember that?
Do you remember that?
I wanted to let you know
that I went ahead
and kicked Mook to the curb.
Uh, I noticed the phone went
straight to voicemail again.
Do you remember that? Hey.
Dax, do you remember that?
I am affiliated
with several gangsters.
I will find out where you at.
We gonna come over
to your house.
I let you stay in my house
rent-free for all that time.
(SOBBING) I hate you, Dax.
But I love you so much.
I don't know why
you're doing me like this.
You know what?
(BLEEP) you, Dax!
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
Gotta make sure
I get the behind the scene,
behind the scene.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
- Yeah.
I appreciate you guys
following me to makeup.
But now, you gots to go.
Wow!
Kyrie's under here somewhere.
Uh-huh. No.
(DAX STAMMERS)
Hey, girl.
Lights just called me.
Preacher, you put your Bible
in the club and can't find it?
Hold up. Wait a minute.
Hold on.
I can't play in that tourney
and let that little white boy
block my shot again.
Give me a pudding even though
it's gonna give me diarrhea.
Hey, I don't mean to grab
your face.
- I'm sorry.
- (BOTH LAUGHS)
Hold up, hold up.
Run it back, run it back.
Don't you wanna go
with a coach
who straight up
looks like Urkel
got put in a trash compactor?
- Isn't that what you want?
- (BOTH LAUGH)
Wait a minute. Run that back.
Just run it back.
Don't you wanna be coached
by a dude
who looks like an M&M?
(LAUGHING)
Double or nothin' this time.
Double or nothin',
double or nothin'.
- (BLOWS WHISTLE)
- Hey, man, you don't
blow no whistle in my gym.
(BOTH BLOWING WHISTLES)
(BLOWING LONG WHISTLE)
Okay, that's... Okay... Stop!
Or little hobbit here
could take his spot.
Who you callin' a hobbit,
Uncle Ben?
Uncle Ben?
DAX: You heard what I said.
Get me some rice.
- No, no, no...
- (ALL LAUGHING)
Youngblood, I can't take this
rappity-hippity-hop nonsense.
You say "hippity-hoppity."
That's something
rabbits would make.
If rabbits made music,
it would be called
hippity-hoppity.
You know how old this van is?
Older than you.
I assume it is, brother.
Lots gone down
in here. (CHUCKLES)
Somethin' went down here,
stained that seat.
Feel good about that.
Got a microwave in here,
you got carpet everywhere.
Ain't no tellin'
what old women
you'd have back there.
Probably had your momma
back there.
- DAX: You ever say...
- Ooh!
I'm an orphan,
for your information.
So I don't know
who my momma is.
(BOTH LAUGH)
This is what we call
a ditty now. Ooh.
My lady... That ditty
just crazy. Mmm!
I got it. This is
the real version.
We not goin' be disrespecting
a classic like that.
That came out
before you was...
- You have to drive.
- Oh, I forgot.
Get out of here. Go!
Courses. I've come a long way
since Kazaam.
That is sick!
(HIP-HOP MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)
(SHOUTING)
I found him in a grocery store
putting cans
on the top shelves.
That's all he's good for.
(LAUGHING) I'm sorry.
(YELLING)
You are my Beyonce, okay?
Not Dantay, not White Dantay,
not Jeff,
and not the dude who look like
he sang with New Addition.
- (ALL LAUGHING)
- I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)
Rapid fire.
I gotta go rapid fire.
Here we go.
Watch this right here.
Ow! Ow!
(ALL EXCLAIM)
What is this, man?
That look like
a dead inch worm.
Who you trying to be?
Morgan Freeman?
You played
a heck of a game today, sir.
Appreciate
you saying that, Coach.
You ever think about
re-taking those SATs?
You have four years left
of eligibility, right?
I'm more of a Blue Devil man
myself, Coach.
(LAUGHS)
MAN: Come on, Dax!
Oh, too late, Drew. Too late.
Your old-ass legs broke up
on you, Drew.
(HIP-HOP MUSIC
CONTINUES PLAYING)