Undercover Brother 2 (2019) Movie Script

In 2003, the BROTHERHOOD,
a secret spy agency,
stopped The Man
and his racist organization
from bringing down
black America.
After blowing up The Man's headquarters
and sending him into hiding,
I returned to the hood for some
hard-earned R and R. And R and B.
That's me, Undercover Brother.
Super fly, super spy
and proud agent of the BROTHERHOOD,
forever ready to kick ass
in pursuit of social justice.
- And, oh...
- Welcome home, brother.
...other things. Oh, yes.
Undercover Brother
There's a man
Got a low-down evil plan
For keeping
The brothers down...
Yes, it was good to be back...
and even better to be me.
Hey there, little man.
Oh, uh...
Oh!
Thank you.
Here.
Undercover Brother.
Bank's open.
My man.
On the case
Everywhere and anyplace
Yeah, the BROTHERHOOD has got
Each other's back
A smart brother knows
The facts
Chief's got the deal
Conspiracy brothers
Keeping it real
Even Lionel gets
In the act
Sistah Girl is fine
She's got the moves
To prove it
Show ya how to do it...
Say, brother, let's stop this.
I'm running late.
I hear that, brother.
Speaking of brothers...
have you seen my brother,
brother?
You mean Lionel?
Yeah, he works for me now
cutting bitches down on 116th.
Say what?
Oh geez... Yeah, he been cutting
bitches for six months now.
Lady, Marsellus said
I gotta cut you
and that's exactly
what I'm gonna do.
Marsellus said
I gotta cut...
You, and that's
What I'm gonna do
Woo!
Looking fly, lady.
Oh yeah,
that's fresh right there.
That... that's fly, right?
Undercover Brother
Dog grooming?
You couldn't find a more
masculine job than dog grooming?
Look, I tried, okay?
But nobody would hire me because
of my stupid record.
I'm the playa
Oo
With the ladies
You know they hate
To love me
I mean, I thought Hammer pants was
really making a comeback. You was wrong.
Lionel, you're a grown man now.
You can't be spending your time
being a dog fluffer.
Word.
Yo. I was thinking
I could join you,
crime fighting, kicking ass down
at the BROTHERHOOD! Hey, hey. Be cool.
It's a secret organization.
Plus, you have to have
a particular set of skills.
Bro, bro.
I got mad skills.
Check this out.
Hey, hey, hey. I ain't talking
about that beatboxing.
Okay, listen, I can kiss
a woman temporarily stupid.
Uh-huh.
And I can go undercover just like you. Watch.
Top of the morning to you. Do you read the
words that are coming out of my mouth?
Stop that. Stop it.
I'm talking about skills
that are more subtle.
Dig me?
Yeah, yeah. Subtle. Yeah.
It's about your style,
the way you carry yourself. Okay.
You got to be cool.
Man, you don't even know
what cool is.
Watch this.
Ah, whatcha know 'bout this?
Whatcha know 'bout this?
I'm a... petal.
I'm a black puppet.
Robot. Work it.
See, man, that's cool, man,
that's super cool!
That's what the agency needs!
Listen, I got this, bro.
You know,
maybe some of this is my fault.
Spending all them years abroad,
fighting evil.
Maybe I neglected you.
And after Mom and Dad passed...
Mom and Dad
live in Palm Springs.
You know what I mean.
No, I don't.
Maybe it's time I trained you.
Yo, word?
Get down on it
Get down on it
Get down on it
Get down on it
Come on and
Get down on it
Get down on it
Get down on it
Get down on it
I can't get it out.
It's not coming out.
Y'all gonna leave me now?
Let's get out of here and...
Tell me
Now how you gonna do it
If you really don't
Wanna dance
By standing on the wall
Get off me, sucka!
Get down on it
Come on and
Get down on it
If you really want it
Get down on it
You gotta feel it
Get down on it
Get down on it
Get down on it...
Your fly.
Thank you, brother.
No, your fly is open.
Undercover Brother.
Oh, hi, Chief.
Yeah, Chief.
I'm sorry, Chief.
Yeah, I got it, Chief.
Bye, Chief.
That was the Chief
with a lead
on The Man's new hideout.
Vienna, Austria.
Just as I suspected.
Oh, word.
Yo, man,
our first mission together.
Yo, when do we leave?
Lionel...
the BROTHERHOOD is on the frontline
on the fight for civil rights
up against the world's greatest
forces of evil.
This ain't no middle school
dance-off.
Yes, The Man.
He was one cold mother.
And like herpes,
he always came back.
Once we defeat the blacks...
we'll go after
the other undesirables.
Immigrants, feminists...
homosexuals.
Daddy!
Daddy!
Oh, Manson.
How many times have I told you not to
interrupt your father while he is scheming?
Sorry. I just wanted to ask...
What?
Ice dancing costume.
Chiffon?
Or taffeta?
I think they're both very nice.
Thanks, Daddy!
Oh, he's quite a boy.
He's gonna make
a fine racist one day.
Hmm... well, where was I?
Uh, you were talking about going
after the homosexuals.
Oh, yes.
They're worse than the blacks.
Almost.
Well, it's time for my massage
mit happy ending.
I will see you all later at dinner.
White tie, of course.
The Man was
masterminding his latest master plan,
to spread evil everywhere,
which meant one thing.
It was time for a
good old fashioned beat down,
Undercover Brother style.
Solid.
And after dinner,
a classic black and white movie.
With the black turned off,
of course.
Gentlemen, there's some hot chocolate there.
Help yourselves.
Freeze, you suckers!
Undercover Brother?
How did you find me?
Wasn't hard.
Vienna has everything the conquer-happy
white man loves the most.
Skiing, mountain climbing,
those little tiny sausages.
You're forgetting
the best thing of all.
None of you people are here!
Until now.
I had The
Man right where I wanted him.
Until...
Make that a double!
Goddamn it Lionel,
what the hell are you doing here?
I'm here to help you.
That's what you call it?
Yeah, this is helping.
Helping me? No, no!
Your ass is supposed to back helping
at the hood. What did I tell you?
What did...
Hold on.
Is that hot chocolate I smell?
It is hot chocolate I smell,
man.
Mm-mm.
People that's wrong.
That was white chocolate
Wait, hold up.
Is this your spot?
Man, this is nice!
The Man.
Mh-hmm?
Allow me to introduce
my brother.
Yes, yes, you're all brothers
from another mother...
No, no, man, I'm talking about
the same uterus here.
He's my actual brother.
This is nasty...
Surprise.
Everything was funked up.
But a super fly,
super spy always comes prepared.
Hyah!
Oh!
Now, can I get back
to saving the world?
Kill them!
Hyah!
Take that, sucker!
Oh!
Lionel!
Meeting adjourned.
Slow your roll, bro.
Leave the catch phrases
to the professionals.
We got a leg up on them suckers.
Yeah.
Let's get The Man.
Yeah.
The Man could run...
but it looks like
he could hide even better.
Man, where'd he go?
Split!
Quick, hold your breath!
Sixteen long years passed.
Black America was dealing
with some ups
and some downs.
It was up to the new agents of the
BROTHERHOOD to monitor it all.
Chief Honey?
Yes?
On the screen.
Street fights in Seattle,
unrest in Vermont.
What is going on
with white people?
See, it's times like this
when we really miss
Undercover Brother the most.
What's going on now?
This just came in.
What?
Yes,
we'd been frozen all those years,
like a couple of veal cutlets
forgotten in the back of the freezer.
I'm here for Undercover Brother.
How is he?
Oh, ja.
Still in the coma, I am afraid.
Could be, weeks, months...
uh, seasons, fiscal quarters,
leap years.
Okay.
Actually it is a miracle they both survive.
Both?
What's up, my man?
Mm...
Hello, mama.
Yo, where am I?
Schladming Hospital, Austria.
You were buried
in the avalanche.
Yo, what day is it?
February 9th.
I was buried for an entire week?
An entire week and 16 years?
Ja, it was only due to global
warming that we found you.
Right on, global warming.
Do you remember anything
that happened?
Yeah, um, I was on a mission
with my brother.
So Undercover Brother
is your brother?
We were on the trails of The Man
and we had him captured.
Yo...
where's my brother?
Why?
Gah!
At least the fro's still good.
Where's The Man?
Well, we believe he fled
and went back to America
after the avalanche.
Look...
you gotta let me
into the BROTHERHOOD, all right?
I gotta be the one
to avenge my brother.
What qualifications do you have?
I held up two years of karate as a
kid and I held up my own dance crew.
Not gonna work.
And I can kiss a woman temporarily stupid.
I would love to see you do that.
Oh, yeah.
Whoa...
Welcome to the BROTHERHOOD.
No, Snoop,
you can't borrow my car.
Frulein!
Frulein...
I will avenge you...
my brother.
Oh, no.
Oh, man. Barber shop?
I guess I could use
a little trim.
The usual.
Couldn't we all, my brother?
I love you, Oprah.
I love you, Madonna.
I love you, oh, Lord.
It's the water, I swear.
Okay.
I swear.
That's fine. Uh-huh.
You gonna leave me like this?
Hey, how you doing?
You looking fine.
Welcome back.
- Damn...
- Some crazy-ass shit
was about to rain down
and I hope my bro
brought his umbrella.
Damn. This is crazy.
Okay.
What?
Yo, you serious?
Undercover Brother's brother,
meet Harvard Brother.
Tu mihi magna voluptas
est ad receperint.
Meet Sarcastic Brother.
Biggie or Tupac?
Biggie!
Well... well, Pac.
I don't trust him, he work for the feds.
Get him outta here.
Huh?
This is Unattainable Sistah.
Don't even think about it.
And lastly,
meet Militant Brother.
Power to the people,
my brother in the revolution.
Um, can I rap to you for a second, Chief?
Yes, yes.
Have you noticed that
that's a white dude
and he heavily armed?
Militant Brother identifies
with being African-American.
Okay. And I identify as Denzel
Washington but that don't make it so.
You done?
A lot has happened since you were frozen.
Did you know America twice elected a
black man, Barack Obama, president?
Next thing you gonna tell me Michael
Jackson's the vice president,
Prince is secretary of state and Whitney
Houston's his first lady, right?
Uh, no. Actually, Michael,
Whitney, and Prince are all...
dead.
What?
Are all dead.
So, you mean to tell me
that the president
of the United States of America
is a black dude
named Barack Obama?
Sadly, that time has passed.
The current president
is Donald Trump.
Y'all messing with me, right?
Okay, enough. Enough.
Covert operations show a plot underway
to subvert American democracy.
The Man.
We don't know. Haven't heard
from him in two years.
You are one of the few
that has seen his face,
so we're counting on you
to help us find him.
This phone is equipped with text
encryption and a secure line.
This is a phone? This is dope!
Yo, what about Tetris?
Man, gonna catch an eye jammy.
Okay.
Go sell your bean pies.
Thank you.
Listen, you will be notified
within 24 hours of your mission.
Until then, lay low.
Avoid all attention.
Avoid all attention.
I got this, Chief, a'ight?
'Cause I'm going undercover.
Ah! 'Bout to save my brother.
Ah, ah.
Going undercover, ah, ah.
'Bout to save my brother.
Oh, yeah.
Really?
Great hire, Chief.
I know.
Everybody back to work!
Lionel returned
to the hood, only to discover
much had changed
in the last 16 years.
He was a stranger
in an even stranger land.
What happened to the hood?
Gone were the brothers
and sisters
and a lame-ass coffee house
called Resistance Brews
stood in the place
of the funk-alicious Club Hood.
Replaced by millennials,
post-millennials,
and worst of all, hipsters.
Something funny?
No, no offense, non-brother,
but I ain't never seen no clothes like
this before and what's up with the hairdo?
Listen,
I'ma need a moment okay?
I'ma need a moment,
I'ma need a moment.
Nope, I'ma still need more time.
Hey, man, let me
ask you something.
What you feeding that thing?
Whatever, dude.
Mmm, I see the hood
may have gone
but they still got
a few brick houses up in here!
Mmm!
What did you say?
Oh, nothing, I was just talking...
You were just objectifying
a woman based on her looks.
While equating her
with a piece of property?
I don't know what
y'all two talking about.
Oh, you didn't mean to diminish
her self-worth and intellect?
By suggesting she was something you could just
buy, move into and renovate to your liking?
I didn't say nothing like that... So she fits
your cisnormative criteria of beauty is that it?
As if all women were just put on
display for your personal oppression.
Your personal oppression.
Oh, mama.
And now you impose the exploitative
role of childbearer on her?
Yes, why "Oh, mama," and not
"Oh, industrial engineer,"
or "Oh, president of the United States"?
You are a pig.
Wait, wait, wait.
Why is it okay to call me... Uh-uh!
Don't mansplain to us.
Is that all we are to you?
Pieces of meat to be lectured?
Just 'cause we choose
to wear short shorts...
And occasionally shake
our asses like this.
Mmm...
Look at him.
Slack-jawed as if
we were nothing more than
incredibly hot, sex objects here
for his mind-blowing pleasure.
I swear, I mean no disrespect.
Then why are you still staring?
I can't seem to move my head!
Make 'em stop! Make 'em stop!
I'm just glad
there's somebody here
to capture
your soul-crushing sexism.
Soul-crushing.
Mm, mm, mm.
Disgusting sexist pig.
Eight million views on YouTube.
Chief, for the 800th time
I am incredibly sorry.
Stop.
Look, guys,
you have to believe me,
all right? I was set up!
Right. Someone just set up an intricate spy
operation just to show that you a perv.
Hey man, look.
I ain't no perv, a'ight?
I just like looking
at fine booty.
I feel you, my brother.
Respect. Hmm?
Don't do that. Look, guys,
when did everybody
get all sensitive anyway?
And what is that supposed
to mean?
Listen, reports of similar incidents
are up 600% in Caucasian communities.
Chief, if most of these
incidents involve whites
why is the BROTHERHOOD
getting involved?
Experience has shown that whatever
happens to our white brethren
something worse is gonna happen
to us.
Plus, we always will be blamed
in the long run.
It's like you're speaking
to my heart right now.
Wait, hold on.
There was an unverified...
sighting of The Man
at a local redneck bar.
What would he be doing there? What would The
Man be doing at a country and western bar?
I don't know, trying to have
sex with his sister?
Let's go there and kill his ass!
Count me in, brother!
Locked and loaded!
Chill!
Calm down.
Should we make contact?
I'll make contact, all right.
He is the only one of us
who's seen The Man in person,
Chief.
Mh-hmm.
He's got a point.
Fine.
Once you confirm that
that is The Man, you withdraw
and we will take it from there.
Correct?
Watch your dumb ass.
What he said.
Everybody, out of my office,
please. Now.
Especially you. Goodbye.
How big was that ass, though?
Bye.
Comm-watch. Gives you instant access
to all BROTHERHOOD intelligence.
Cool. Hey yo,
can it make me smarter?
Hell, no.
You will also need a combination
camera and microphone.
I've engineered
a few options here.
Yo, wait, wait. This is a camera
and a microphone? Sure is, brother.
Tight. Hey, wait, wait.
What about these?
Yep, those are, too. Now, listen up.
Okay. Wait, wait, wait.
What about this?
That's a tape dispenser.
What about... It's just a damn
pencil sharpener! Put it down!
Those are
all desk-related items.
The tech stuff is right here
in the middle. Okay?
You got the magnetic spy cam,
you got the Bluetooth,
the Kiss-Me-I'm-Irish
lapel pin...
What about this right here?
Put that down!
You all right?
I think I'm just gonna take
the pen and the watch and just...
Ah! Get...
I won't let you down, brother.
Well, I sure as hell hope not.
Not bad. Captures my inner funk.
Undercover Brother!
Man, you back?
Well, not exactly.
Damn!
Dream on, brother.
'Cause this ain't
never happening.
Oh I knew it, man. You dead.
You a ghost, ain't you?
No, man, I'm not a ghost.
I'm still in a coma in Austria.
Wait, then how the hell did she just walk...
Look, just go with it, okay?
Okay. All right.
All right?
Think of me as your own personal
Obi-Wan Kenobi, you dig?
But he was a ghost too, when he appeared.
Remember when we watched it?
It was Yoda and all them... Damn it, Lionel.
Shut up and listen, will you?
Look. I came to tell you,
you can do this.
I believe in you.
Yo, you really think so?
Yeah. Man, thanks, bro.
But, like...
honestly, man, I don't even know
where to start.
Think of junk in the trunk.
You mean Unattainable Sistah's
booty?
No, man, I'm talking about
the trunk on my Cadillac, not...
Even though she does have
some packing for the smacking.
Look, man, get your head out of
the gutter and get on this. Okay.
All right? Cadillac trunk.
All right.
Dig it?
Trunk. Cadillac. Dig it.
Bro?
Hey, what's up, man?
What's going on? Brotherhood.
My beloved Cadillac.
Me and her had some sweet rides.
Man, if those white walls
could talk.
Got you.
Sweet.
Slow ride
Take it easy
Slow ride
Take it easy
Slow ride
Take it easy
Slow ride
Take it easy...
Testing, testing.
That's a cool disguise.
If you wanna look like
a zombie Wyatt Earp.
Beer, partner.
Thank you.
Bring me another.
You've had enough, old geezer.
Not enough to take crap from an
inbred mick bar jockey like you.
I said bring me another.
Kill him!
Kill him!
Sheesh.
I could shoot the screen if you want.
No.
I said get out.
We don't serve assholes
like you.
What, you just hire them?
That's it!
It's from Undercover Brother's
brother.
"Gurk eep gak"?
Is that a text abbreviation?
That I don't already know?
Are you f'ing k'ing me?
An encryption code?
That's a butt text!
I send 'em all the time.
The Chief told me to withdraw.
But I'm gonna stay
and watch this.
Come on!
- Cheers.
- Uno, dos, tres.
Mazel tov.
Damn.
Help!
My teeth!
Mm-kay.
Oh, I got you. Hey!
Don't you think
he had enough?
Why don't you mind
your own business, partner?
Before we kick the cow shit out
of you next.
Okay, that's funny. Okay.
Get funky, eh.
Too funky for myself, uh.
Hey, hey!
You good? Come on, let's go.
My teeth.
Your teeth?
Okay. Let's roll,
my white brother.
Thanks for saving me, cowboy.
Don't mention it.
It would have been nice
if you had stepped in
before they busted all my ribs.
Well I thought you boys were
just jostling around.
You know how us white guys do.
Oh, the... The hovel?
Oh, okay, yeah.
God, smells like...
Very interesting.
Brenda! I'm home!
Brenda?
Jesus. Nice to meet you, Brenda.
That's my clean pair.
Nice, uh... nice hovel.
It's very...
very roomy.
Yeah, I try. I try.
You know, not to brag, but I was once
the head of a secret organization
that ran the world.
I was known as "The Man."
Now I've heard rumors,
but I didn't know
you actually existed.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah? Yeah?
Oh, yeah. Yeah!
Oh, yeah? Oh-ho.
I was at my peak.
Yeah, I'd even...
I'd even defeated
my arch nemesis.
Undercover Brother.
Yeah,
I saw that black bastard
and his even blacker brother
buried under a mountain
of lily-white snow.
Shut up!
My downfall started
with the elec...
the election of President Obama.
Right.
The whole country...
it changed overnight.
And sexual harassment
wasn't even allowed anymore!
Our plot to control
the darkly-hued
by planting mind control drugs
in fried chicken failed.
But I have an even more
sophisticated plan.
Mind control through...
menthol cigarettes
and orange soda! Ha!
It was my greatest plan.
But my son, he had other plans.
Greetings, all.
Manson,
how many times have I told you
you cannot interrupt your father
when he's working?
Oh, it's no longer your work,
Daddy.
I'm terminated?
This is my secret racist
organization.
Not since you incorporated
for tax purposes.
But I control the most shares!
Not since Mommy gave me
her proxy.
I should never have divorced
that woman.
I should have had that
screeching harpy killed instead!
How could you do this
to your own father?
You only care about
what divides us
when all that really matters is the
inevitable progressive arc of history.
My own organization became "diversity this,"
"multi-culturalism that."
Oh, dear God, the boy's gone
full commie.
Oh, I'm sorry, son.
Just shoot him.
Will you shoot him?
All right, with pleasure.
Okay, uh...
All right,
I get that I'm gonna die
but can my executioner
at least be white?
Just feel a little more
comfortable with that.
Whoa, no offense,
but my killer should be a man.
You know, death is
humiliating enough
without it coming at the hands
of une femme.
Let this be my second
to last request.
You take the fun
out of everything.
If all you're going to do is complain,
I won't even have you killed.
Wait, I...
Just go!
Go, Daddy! Go!
My own son.
A scheming,
treacherous backstabber.
At least you're not gay.
It's a damn shame.
But that doesn't explain
how you became
such a urine-soaked, doll-humping,
scab-infested asshole.
Thanks for noticing.
You're a very compassionate man.
What's Manson
and the organization up to now?
I dunno, something about
creating a virus that will trigger
the collapse of Western civilization
and lead to my son's ascension
as leader of the unfree world.
I don't know,
we don't really talk anymore.
Yeah, you want another shot,
man?
Oh, no, I'm fine, honestly,
but uh...
you're definitely gonna need it.
Because I have
a surprise for you!
Solid.
A negro!
Yo, that's it? A negro?
Don't you recognize me?
Oh, you all look alike to me.
I'm Undercover Brother's
brother.
Oh, that's impossible!
I saw you both die.
Well, you saw wrong.
Oh...
And I told you my life story.
You see? This is why
I don't trust ni...
Reflex.
It's been an hour since he sent
that unreadable text.
Send me in, Chief!
I'll get in there thick
as the oppression we experience
as African-Americans every day.
No! Let me see that phone.
Burn, baby, burn.
Any last words?
Ugh. Chief, this is not
a good time right now!
You sent us a text,
and we couldn't even read it.
I've been trying to tell y'all my
thumbs are too big for the keypad.
You know what they say about
men with big thumbs.
Look, I already captured The Man
and I interrogated him.
- What?
- Mh-hmm. And he also told me that his son, Manson,
has taken over the organization and using
some virus to end Western civilization.
- Did you say the end of Western civilization?
- Yes.
Okay.
This is what you need to do.
Boy, you need to find that virus and
you need to get The Man to help you.
Well, he's not entirely
cooperative right now.
Figure it out.
Get up, The Man.
What's going on?
We're going to catch a virus.
Hookers.
Not that type of virus.
Look, you gonna help me
find your son, Manson,
and figure out what he's planning
to do to end Western civilization.
Oh, that. Why would I help you?
Because it's the right thing to do!
You gotta do better than that.
Okay, how about take revenge
on your son's betrayal
and me not using your skull as
a personal porta potty. Sold.
Back in Austria,
I was just coming out of my coma.
Certain parts of me waking up
before others,
thanks to one
fine looking frulein.
- Oh.
- Mm, mm, mm.
While at home,
Lionel was forced to team up with The Man
to uncover Manson's evil scheme.
This is it.
Our secret weapons lab.
Whoa... Damn it.
Man, we're too late.
Your son is already using his
new fronts for his operations.
Oh, I have missed this place.
You know, we were
the first evil organization
to have our own bioweapons lab.
The demented jackals that raised
you must have been so proud.
Oh yes, they were. They were.
"Woke"?
Woke.
That is the most dangerous drug.
It changes you.
Really? Show me.
You expect me to take that?
It could kill me.
Then you'll save me the trouble.
Now, take it.
Not gonna... Give it to me.
You good?
How do you feel?
I'm feeling good.
Oh...
Oh, I'm starting to care.
About hoop earrings,
cultural appropriation,
endangered sea turtles.
Oh...
Now I can sense that my hatred
for black people is diminishing.
Come on, let me give you a big hug!
Hell, no.
Yeah.
Don't touch me.
Black lives matter!
Black lives matter!
Hands up, don't shoot!
What the hell?
Dang, Woke really works.
Attica! Attica! Attica!
Yo, I'm gonna have to take me
a shot of this.
Down by the riverside
Flying high on Woke,
Lionel and The Man booked
a penthouse suite
at the finest hotel in town.
Lionel using
his Brotherhood expense account,
which is how
the two were tracked down.
I feel it.
Looking fly, my man.
Back at ya, my ni...
Reflex.
Get down! Get down.
Get down, get down.
Stop it. Stop. Stop it.
Undercover Brother's brother,
we've been searching for you for days.
Tell me, what's going on?
Girl, nothing much.
Just chilling with my man,
The Man, over here.
Oh, your man, The Man.
This white supremacist that has
held down your people for decades?
Oh, you are too kind.
Help me, I'm drowning...
I got you, I got you
...in a sea of chocolate.
I'll save you, I got you!
Are you high?
Me?
Him?
High?
High?
Nuh-uh.
Yeah.
Baby, I'm woke.
Woke!
That's right.
Yeah. He's woke.
Here, try it
and you'll understand.
Drink.
Drink it. Drink it.
Swallow it, swallow it,
swallow it.
I'm gonna lay down
My burdens
Down by the riverside
Down by
Down by the riverside
Down by
Down by the riverside
I'm gonna lay down
My burdens
Down by the riverside
To study war no more
Yeah! Shake that racist,
white moneymaker.
Get low, get low.
Hey, I don't get it, man.
What's so bad about a virus that
make everybody woke, anyway?
Well, it's what comes
afterwards.
Yes, while those on Woke
started out bighearted
and caring...
I feel your
heteronormative tone...
They soon turn petty,
hyper-sensitive and ultra-judgmental.
I feel that
your virulent feminism...
Spending their time arguing
about insignificant bullshit.
...oppressing men of color.
Hey! Get a room! Get a room!
Get a room! Get a room!
Yo...
Oh, man, my head hurts.
How long have we been arguing?
Three days.
And that was just
after one dose.
Oh, oh wait.
Excuse me, it's...
Yo, Brenda!
Where you at?
One dose of Woke is like being
socially conscious times 1000,
turning normal liberalism
into ultra-hyper-sensitivity.
But what's in it for Manson?
Mmm... Woke is wack.
You gotta drink it,
if you wanna think it!
Pour one out for Whitney.
We have nothing to lose
but our minds!
"White King Kong ain't got shit
on me!"
Come on guys,
that's Training Day.
Manson.
I'll call the drywall guy.
I have some news.
Not bad news, is it?
I really can't handle bad news right now.
Hmm... Yeah, well.
Daddy?
Yeah.
With a black man?
That's impossible.
I know. He is so racist.
It may mean the BROTHERHOOD
is on our trail.
What is wrong with those people?
I don't know. Why can't they just
trust me to know what's best for them?
You know what?
Everybody out!
Party's over!
I need some me time! Me! Me!
Manson was behind it all.
Being amazing is so lonely.
Running a nationwide Woke
distribution system.
Teach me to love again.
And now the fool was strung out
on Woke himself.
The next step is figuring out where
Manson is manufacturing the Woke.
Undercover Brother's brother,
this could mean the end
of America as we know it.
Look.
Whenever I'm feeling lost,
I always think
to myself WWUBDMF.
What's that?
What Would Undercover Brother Do, Mutha...
Shut your mouth.
I'm talking about Undercover Brother.
Oh. I can dig it.
Dig that, yeah.
Listen, great work with
the interrogation of The Man.
Thanks.
Brought us right to his son.
I think your brother would be
very proud of you.
You asked...
Jesus!
...what would Undercover Brother
do?
I'd launch
a full-scale investigation...
on them titties.
Boy, please, she would never go
for a guy like me. No, now. No.
Now, you listen to me.
You right, you right.
I ask you,
where is the brotherhood? What're you
talking about? It's eight blocks south...
I'm not talking about the BROTHERHOOD.
I'm talking about the brotherhood.
Huh?
Sense of community,
fighting
in this thing together.
Back in the day,
we didn't have much,
but we did have
each other's backs.
Dude, I don't know what to tell you, man.
The world's more divided now.
Which is why we need to pull
together now more than ever.
I mean, do you got any advice
on finding Manson?
Follow the money.
But, what does that mean,
"follow the money"?
Can you give me more...
Hell if I know.
Saw it in a movie one time.
What movie?
What are you talking about?
I think it was Deep Throat.
Deep Throat?
Dude, this is not helping me
at all! You're not helping.
Well, fine.
Don't follow the money, then.
I don't give a rat's ass.
Damn, can't even get a little
brotherhood from my own little brother.
I'm out.
That's it?
That's all the advice I get?
We've checked every lead.
Manson and his crew
are completely off the grid.
Suggestions.
Got that one hitter quitter.
Come on, Chief!
You're stopping me
from being great!
Voila!
What?
Voila.
In French it translates to "there it is,"
but here its colloquial meaning...
We know what "voila" means!
She's asking
what are you voila-ing about?
Oh. I've completed a spectral
analysis of the Woke sample.
One of the elements
I isolated...
is highly unusual.
Migale stercore.
In English.
Ferret shit.
Damn!
Damn, brother.
That's disgusting.
But that explains your breath.
So, I drank ferret shit?
Hashtag gross.
Okay, look, y'all need
to calm down, all right?
What we do know is, whoever's
cooking Woke has a pet ferret.
Nice.
Oh, come on, Brenda,
don't do me like that.
Albino wino, we need to talk.
Whoa!
Can't a man and his woman have
a little privacy?
When you were running the lab,
did anybody have a pet ferret? Pet ferret?
There was a lab tech named
Clifford Wayne.
I think he did have
a pet ferret.
Why do you a...
What? A threesome?
With him?
You disgust me.
We're here for our pickup.
Mister Bun.
Manson's lab.
I shouldn't be here.
I'm not a kill guy, I'm a get killed guy.
No, you'll be fine. Guaranteed.
Hey, hold on, hold on.
I think something's going down.
I gotta tell ya,
I am excited to get my hands on your package.
Let me pull it out for you.
I love the sound of that. Oh, boy,
that is much larger than I anticipated.
Maybe I should get
a closer look.
No, no, we good, we good.
Time to shoot?
Quiet!
Oh, damn, my Bluetooth.
Ah, damn!
Oh, shoot!
Finally!
Yippee-ki-yay, mother suckers!
This is not your baby!
They're shooting!
They're scattering! Shoot 'em!
Cover me.
Harvard Brother?
Don't talk to me, I'm dead.
Reload!
Oh, crap!
- My eyes!
- What is this?
Emotional tear gas.
It breaks down a person's...
defense mechanisms.
I use sarcasm to hide the negative
things I think about you all.
I'm sorry I whispered
so harshly.
It's just that this is a vital
mission and all y'all f'ed it up.
Group hug?
I'm gonna keep my gun on
'cause I don't trust
none of you mother...
You so fine,
I just wanna give it to you.
Come give it to me.
I'ma give it to you!
I'ma give it to you!
Pressure points. Rub my nipple.
Rub my nipple, rub my nipple.
Yeah, yeah.
They should've been back by now.
I hate waiting!
Oops! Sorry.
Though I gotta say,
I do feel better.
Weird how that is, isn't it?
I guess I could find a hobby
like yoga or origami, but...
why mess with something
that's working?
Finally!
I cannot emphasize enough how much that
hat is not working for me right now.
What? I like it. I thought it looked
militant like the Black Panthers.
You look like
a French child molester.
Now, tell me about the Woke!
Well, I'll tell you,
but you have to promise not to overreact.
Moi? Overreact?
You think I overreact?
Oh, God!
- Antonio!
- Oh!
Yeah, that was a...
a bit of an overreaction,
yes, sir.
That was an accident.
Besides,
nobody liked that guy anyway.
Straw poll, he was annoying,
am I right?
Don't encourage him.
See, they agree with me.
What are you do...
Oh, well.
Okay. That one was on me.
But you know what they say, sometimes to make
an omelet, you have to shoot a few eggs.
Nobody says that.
Anyway, tell me what happened.
We went to pick up the Woke,
but the BROTHERHOOD was already there.
The freaking BROTHERHOOD. Yeah.
The freaking BROTHERHOOD?
How is that possible?
Who messed up?
Don't shoot!
So, you failed to get the Woke?
Yeah. Yeah, and they killed
Clifford, our supplier.
He got killed in the crossfire. He's a
nice guy, we should send his wife a card.
He was killed?
Yeah.
How is that possi... holy crap!
This is worse than I imagined!
But, but, but we can fix it!
We can fix it!
We have a crew member with
connections to a Russian supplier,
that makes an even stronger
strain of Woke.
Stronger?
Yes, sir.
You mean, like, super Woke.
They call it Woke As Fuck.
That's what's up.
Okay, Manson...
hold it together.
Switching to Woke AF could be
the perfect move.
Look at the vial half full,
not half empty.
Oh, I'm still so angry
right now, I just...
Hey, maybe...
I have to just let off a little bit of steam.
Oh, God! Oh!
Shit.
Poof.
Let's set up that meeting
with that Russian supplier.
Who's the crew member
with the connections?
Toby. Toby?
I'm gonna need you to wake up.
I'm very sorry for what I did!
Please don't leave us, Toby!
Who was the connection, Toby?
Was it Putin?
Why'd you smack yourself?
Just trying to make sure
this is really happening.
Oh, this is really happening.
Why? Uh-huh.
I don't know.
Kiss me stupid.
Awkward.
Look. We all said things
we regret.
I have intimacy issues.
But what's important is that
we move on together.
I concur completely!
Well, then it must be all right.
If Mister "I'm Better Than
Everyone Else" concurs.
I act as if I'm no better than
the rest of you
when I know for a fact...
that I am.
Back off, black
wanna-but-never-will-be.
Join a step team.
I don't step.
Obvious.
You don't step! You're white!
Take it back!
I can't take it back.
Sit down, I got it.
What you mean, sit down?
Why are you getting up in there?
Why are you getting up in...
Unattainable Sistah,
you ain't that unattainable.
At Harvard! Why're you wearing a
bow tie and you're not Muslim?
Hashtag you can't,
hashtag you won't,
hashtag you wish!
Hashtag you want this!
I met Al Sharpton at the airport
in Milwaukee when he was fat.
You can't talk to me like that!
I went to the BLM March,
by myself, twice!
- Hashtag hell, no!
- Excuse me!
Excuse me.
Sorry I'm late,
I was held up doing some things.
Yeah, me too,
but something completely different.
Nothing related to...
So, last night was a disaster.
But we still managed to screw up
Manson's supply chain.
That ain't the only thing got
screwed last night, now is it?
He's right. We also
blew our chances to arrest Manson's crew.
Something else got blown
last night too, now didn't it?
The situation's getting worse.
Reports of liberal on liberal
violence continue to pour in.
Minneapolis. Marina del Rey.
Wait. I've seen this map before.
Yeah, it's called
the United States.
No, fool, I'm talking about
the same points
on this map, I've seen before.
Yo, can you pull up that viral
video of me and them two girls?
All right, there it is.
Yeah. Pull out,
and tighten on this area
right here. That's it!
The violent outbreaks match the
locations of the Resistance Brews.
Which means it must be a front for
Manson to use to distribute the Woke.
We need direct evidence linking Manson
and the Resistance Brews to the Woke.
Send me inside. Undercover.
Seem like she already sent
you inside
under some covers,
now didn't she?
Shut up, man, please.
Look, last night was a mistake
and we're in
a make or break case
and we can't put
our personal feelings ahead of...
Yes, I completely agree.
I told you all
they was doing it!
I feel like I'm watching
Stella Got Her Groove Back 2.
Yeah. But I hate sequels.
I guess she likes big thumbs,
too.
Becoming a hipster
should not be taken lightly.
I've seen way too many make
the change and never come back.
I don't care. I'm ready.
Make me a hipster.
Fine.
But may God have mercy
on my soul.
Hipster conversion test
number one.
Steak or shamburger?
Steak? Man, don't mind if I do.
Son of a bitch, man!
What was that for?
Wrong choice.
Hipsters love animals too much
to eat them.
Next question.
Would you like some greens?
What? Collard greens.
Would you like some?
Greens are considered ghetto,
so, my answer's no?
Failed. Collard greens
have become a hipster staple.
Right along with kale.
What the hell is kale?
Thanks for asking.
Next up. Aretha Franklin or...
All right, I'ma stop you right there.
Okay? 'Cause that's a trick
question, all right?
Ain't nobody gonna choose crap
over the Queen of Soul.
Becoming a hipster's
not about quality.
It's about irony.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I got some irony
for your ass.
I hoped it wouldn't come
to this,
but you left me no choice.
Oh, God! Oh, God!
What is this?
La La Land.
Complete, undiluted hipster-ism.
Make it stop! Make it stop!
Hipster overload!
Be strong, brother!
Be strong!
Awesome.
So,
Lionel went undercover at Resistance Brews
to expose the link
between Manson and the Woke.
Damn, I can't believe they
shut down Club Hood for this.
How much Maroon 5
can one man take?
Um, wow. Awesome customer loyalty.
Yeah, it's like once people try
our brew they become addicted.
Yeah, I heard this place uses fair trade coffee
so it's kind of like a way of giving back.
Totally.
Yeah.
Totally. Awesome.
You gonna order or what?
Yeah, I'll have a latte.
Okay.
That'll be $28.
Hey, man, $28
for some damn coffee?
Unless, you don't think the labors of the
indigenous peoples of Antigua are worth it.
'Course not,
I don't think that at all.
What was your name?
Phoenix.
As Lionel's training continued,
I was in a fight of my own.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, baby.
Oh, yeah.
Hey.
I just moved my arm.
I just moved my a...
And I'm talking.
I'm talking about talking which I
could not do before but now I can.
Oh.
Hey, Doc.
Your nurse just cured me!
You sack of shit!
That's my wife!
I'm sorry, Doc.
Your wife just cured
my paralysis.
Hey. Be cool, Jack.
I am going to teach you a lesson
you will not soon forget,
you ni...
Reflex. Later, sucker.
Call me, baby.
Penis.
I've got a latte for Penis.
Is there a Penis in the house?
Penis! Your...
It's not Penis, it's Phoenix.
Mh-hmm.
Annoying Ho.
I have one for the Annoying Ho.
It is Anita Jo.
That outfit, I don't even know.
Give me this.
Go. Annoying Ho.
Anita Jo. Whatever it is.
Yeah, I know!
Really?
Sorry, dude.
Watch where you're going, idiot.
Manson's headquarters
entrance located.
"Hidden camera planted."
Nasty.
There you are.
Oh, God.
I want an update on the Woke AF,
ASAP!
I'm picking up the shipment
at midnight.
And then bring a case to me.
I gotta get Woke, you know, AF!
Gotta! Gotta! Gotta!
Gotta! Gotta! Gotta!
It's all over my pants.
Oh! My mistake.
Hey, hey, I'll see you tonight
with the Woke AF!
Hey.
Hey.
Sixteen...
nine,
forty-two...
Should've written it down, brother.
Damn it, would you stop doing
that?
Always remember, Lionel,
all we got is ourselves.
Not the pigs,
not the government.
Our only route
to justice is just us.
We keep catching hell and catching hell,
which is... Would you just stop, okay?
'Cause you're not helping
right now, all right?
Look, why don't you just go back
to where you came from?
Now that's just hurtful.
Besides, I come from you.
I'm a figment of your imagination.
Wait. This is all in my head,
like this...
Well, I'm more an aftereffect of that line
drive you took to the head in Little League.
But, yeah.
Now focus. You can do this.
Who am I kidding?
Seventeen...
Eighty-six, thirty-one, four.
Damn.
Gonna get your ass, Manson.
Got you, got you, got you.
Double the trouble, baby.
Oh, boy.
- Daddy?
- Yes, it was The Man who set up
this double-double double-cross
from the very beginning,
disguising himself as a drunken bum in order
to lure Manson into a false sense of security
then using the BROTHERHOOD to
flush out his own son's location.
It's pretty complicated,
but just take my word for it.
It's hella clever
and totally makes sense.
Bottom line, hot damn,
it's The Man.
Drop your weapon!
This was supposed
to be my moment of triumph!
Why do you ruin everything?
I hate you, I hate you!
- Tough titties, sucker.
- Hey, hey! Whoa, whoa, man.
I wouldn't drink that if I were you.
Yes, it's 100% pure.
It's undiluted.
It'll kill you, son!
Don't "son" me.
And I can handle my Woke. See?
Oh, boy.
Oh, hell, no!
Wow...
That was sublime.
And you thought it would kill...
Oh.
My condolences.
Thank you.
My son may have been a
drug-addled homicidal sociopath
but at least he wasn't gay.
All right.
It's over, The Man. You're done.
You know, I might agree
with you except for one thing.
This Woke AF...
I happened to grab
in all the excitement.
Hmm?
Ow, it stings! Ow!
Ow!
That's how you know it's working.
My eyes...
Agh! Ow!
It's like lava tears.
Excuse me.
I have a racist empire
to rebuild.
Rest in pieces, son.
Everything's beautiful.
I'm beautiful.
Say it loud!
I'm black and I'm proud!
Let me tell you something, okay?
See, look. I am sexy!
I was sexy back in the day,
and I'm still sexy now.
You know, when you think about
slavery for 400 years?
400 years!
That sounded like a choice!
Die, white devils, die!
Black, and I'm...
What happened?
Take it easy, easy, easy.
Don't try and sit up yet,
just wait.
You had a real bad trip
but you're coming
out of it good.
That was so intense. Ah!
Sorry.
I was seeing some really bad
hallucinations.
Those all weren't
hallucinations.
What?
You know,
when you think about slavery
for 400 years?
Yo, is that me at the Capitol Building?
400 years!
Yeah.
Screaming...
Die, white devils, die!
"Racist rant at Capitol."
40 million views.
Wait, what about The Man?
He got away with the Woke, and he's taken
over all the Resistance Brews locations.
Announcing Blak Coffee.
At Blak Coffee,
it's all about unity
and community.
Oh, and also making one badass
cup of joe.
And with 200 locations
coming soon
there'll surely be a Blak Coffee
coming to a hood near you.
Once you go Blak,
you never go back.
Lionel,
he's targeting our people.
Hey, hey, what're you doing?
Listen, The Man is flooding
every hood in America with Woke.
The BROTHERHOOD has to stop him.
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
There is no BROTHERHOOD anymore.
After what happened at the Capitol,
our backers cut our funding.
Look around.
This is it.
Soon, The Man would have Woke AF
sweeping through every
black community in America.
And there was no BROTHERHOOD
to stop him.
What it is, little brother?
Man, get away from me, a'ight?
I'm not about to be lectured by a
figment of my imagination right now.
Uh, say, brother, did you just
call me a figment?
Man, you heard me!
Dig here. I just spent the last five
days getting here from Austria.
I couldn't find
a pay phone anywhere
and I had to stow away on a ship
carrying those little tiny sausages.
So, I'm uptight,
everything is weird,
and I'm in no mood
for your jive.
Do you hear me?
Hey, man, I'm not playing.
Get outta here,
or I'm kicking your ethereal ass.
Ethereal? I don't even know
what that means.
Oh!
You okay now?
Uh-huh. Never better.
Yo, it is you! You back, baby!
Oh baby! You back!
You back! Ah!
After Lionel's dancing,
he clued me in on
what was really going down
at the BROTHERHOOD.
Holy shit!
Holy, holy, holy shit!
Sixteen years?
Yeah, it's bad.
Bad? Your Go Funk Yourself
record was bad.
With the ladies
This is catastrophic.
I mean...
real talk, bro?
I just feel like I let you down.
It's not you, brother.
It's this 500 years of oppression
just keeps on keeping on.
Yo, what we gonna do?
You know exactly
what we gonna do.
Hey, look, I held onto this
for inspiration, so you know...
No, no, no.
I didn't mean to take...
You hold onto that.
We gonna need it a lot more.
Sixteen years?
Yeah.
Is child support retroactive?
I think it is.
Goddamn!
Yeah.
Anyone know what this is about?
Undercover Brother's brother called
and asked for all of us to be here.
Oh, my God.
That fro is perfect.
Undercover Brother.
It's him.
Oh...
It's good to be home.
Brother, meet the agents
of the BROTHERHOOD.
Harvard Brother.
Tu mihi magna voluptas est ad receperint!
my brother.
Sarcastic Brother.
It's an honor to meet you.
And I'm being totally sincere even
though my voice sounds like I'm not.
Well, I'm happy to meet you,
although my face might look like I might
punch you in your face at any second.
Not today.
Unattainable Sistah.
Not...
unattainable for you.
Go ahead, now. Yeah.
Militant Brother.
And last, but certainly
not least, Chief Honey.
Say, brother, is that that chick
you were talking about?
That's her. You mean that was the
one that was doing tricks and stuff.
Oh, yeah. Go on.
Now, I called you all here today
for one reason.
And that's to take down The Man.
How? We've been decommissioned.
We're not the BROTHERHOOD
anymore.
Listen,
we may not be the BROTHERHOOD
but we are still a brotherhood.
That has been our greatest
source of strength all along.
We don't need a commission
to tell us what's right.
Damn it, we know what's right!
And it's a matter of us
getting things done. Together.
And we start by taking down
The Man.
Okay.
Damn.
My little brother's grown up.
Now, who's in?
All right!
When do we get started,
my ni... new friend?
Switch.
Everybody bring it in.
Brotherhood on three.
One, two, three!
Brotherhood!
Klansmen!
Neo-Nazis!
Corporate recruiters!
Loan officers.
Oh, and, of course,
our country club owners.
My fellow racists.
This is the first nationwide
distribution of Blak Coffee!
Soon black neighborhoods
will be hooked on our coffee
and being driven mad by Woke AF
all while paying us
for the privilege.
So, on behalf of myself
and Brenda,
enjoy yourselves and the looming
collapse of ebony America!
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
Woke! Woke!
Undercover Brother?
Greetings,
inexplicably angry white people.
Welcome to your worst nightmare.
Black me...
Black men...
with gun permits.
With gun permits.
On the behalf
of the Constitution,
Bill of Rights,
and simple human decency,
all y'all suckers are
under citizen's arrest.
Not here!
Or we can play it your way.
Oppress this, whitey!
It's on, racists!
Attack!
Oh, you thought this was a game?
All right then! This is what I do!
This is what I do!
Black men taking over!
Might I suggest switching
to decaf?
Duck, duck, duck!
I gotcha, I gotcha. Don't worry.
I gotcha. Stay down, Brenda.
Don't go and get shot, get shot!
Move! Move!
Other Brendas, attack!
We got these blow-up bitches.
Y'all get The Man.
Cool.
Yeah.
Stay down, baby.
Are you all right? Oh, baby.
Freeze, The Man.
It's over, sucker.
Don't shoot.
Or I shoot the lady.
Sorry, baby, but The Man's got
to do what The Man's got to do.
Look, it's over, The Man,
all right?
There's no avalanche
that can save you now.
Freeze! Put your hands up!
Drop your weapons!
Officer, this man is accused
of domestic terrorism
and scheming
to poison black America.
Wha... That's a lie.
These brothers,
they pulled their guns on us
and they demanded
all of our money.
Who you gonna believe?
Them? Or us?
The police believed us
and The Man was sentenced
to life in prison.
Yeah, right.
I said drop your weapons!
I see some things haven't
changed in the last 16 years.
Later, boys.
Take a couple thugs off the street.
Don't even think about it.
It's cool, brother.
We'll get The Man next time.
Did you just say "we"?
Show you right.
Once again, the system let
The Man disappear.
But the fight goes on
and it's one
we're determined to win.
Led by the agents
of the BROTHERHOOD,
Lionel and me,
The Undercover Brothers.
All right, baby. Keep fresh.
Better watch your ass, The Man.
Undercover Brother
Hey! Undercover
Undercover Brother
There's a man
Got a low-down evil plan
For keeping
The brothers down
Solid.
Shake me
Three, four
I'm the playa
Ooh
With the ladies
Ah
You know they hate
To love me
And my Afro is amazing
You say I'm the macaroni
With the cheese
Gotta have the cheese
I can't lie
I'm the spice of life
So when you need some
Call on me
Oh
Lionel, Lionel, Lionel
Gimme some
Gimme some
'Cause you done funk'd up
With the right one, yeah
Lionel, Lionel,
Lionel That's what they call me Babe
Gimme some
Gimme some
You done funk'd up
With the right one, yeah
Who's the brother that does All
the things other men can't Lionel
Who's the man when he speaks All
the ladies just faint Lionel
Whether it's James Bond
Or James Brown
They both come second
To me
I'm the hot sauce
On these jive turkeys
I'm the one
They coming to see
Oh
Lionel, Lionel, Lionel
Gimme some
Gimme some
'Cause you done funk'd up
With the right one, yeah
Lionel, Lionel, Lionel
Gimme some
Gimme some
'Cause you done funk'd up
With the right one, yeah
Who ya talking 'bout?
Who ya talking 'bout?
I'm a winner
Lionel
And not a loser
Lionel
All the women Oh,
they pray that I choose them, yeah
I'm so funky Even ten showers
Couldn't make me clean
Smoother than a Lac
With a diamond in the back
And a full tank
Of gasoline
Lionel, Lionel, Lionel
Gimme some
Gimme some
'Cause you done funk'd up
With the right one, yeah
Lionel, Lionel, Lionel
Gimme some
Gimme some
'Cause you done funk'd up
With the right one, yeah
Lionel, Lionel, Lionel
Gimme some
Gimme some
'Cause you done funk'd up
With the right one, yeah
Lionel, Lionel, Lionel
Gimme some
Gimme some
'Cause you done funk'd up
With the right one, yeah
Gimme some
One, two
Gimme some