Undercover Grandpa (2017) Movie Script
1
Yeah, feel me
Yo, come on
It's your homeboy Preach
in the building
And we vibing
And we having
a reef good time
Sing for me, girl
Gonna have a good time
Ain't gonna worry today
Let the sun shine
on my smile
Hope you can come my way
Gonna have a good time
Ain't gonna worry today
Let the sun shine
on my smile
Hope you can come my way
OK, yeah
You and I, we could
rule the work!
Spend the most paper
Kiss all of the pretty girls
It takes belief
in your one self
That's more powerful
than anything
You pullout
your one belt
- Hi! Bye!
Super late.
- Wait! I forgot
to make you lunch.
- No, I have history!
I gotta get a good seal.
- You want history.
Check this out!
- Ontario, where
General Vladekh Komenkho
was caught hiding in what
appears to be pigs manure.
- Oh, that's gross!
- World's most feared tyrant,
in his day,
as was his father.
- General Komenkho
vanished a decade ago
during a global initiative
to end his reign of terror.
- OK, gotta go!
- No, no! Lunch!
- Mom, you gotta
slop doing this, OK?
I'm not a kid.
You're smothering me!
- Ta-la-la, la-la!
Don't forget
to wear your helmet!
- Yeah, yeah!
Don't worry!
Let the sun shine
on my smile
Hope you can come my way
Gonna have a good time
Ain't gonna worry today
Let the sun shine
on my smile
Hope you can come my way
- The 3rd Canadian Division had
penetrated deeper into France
than the British
or American troops
and overcome greater resistance
than any other beachhead.
Except Omaha Beach.
Now turn to page 69.
This is crossing
into creepy territory, Jake.
- Oh, that's good!
I gotta get that.
- Let me know when you start
collecting her fingernails
and used tissues.
- So, instead of learning.
Mr. Bouchard would rather draw
pretty pictures of fair damsels.
Mr. Bouchard, me thinks
you would be better served
taking notes
than sketching portraits.
Me thinks old people
should be seen and not heard.
- Mr. Bernstein?
- Sir, yes, sir!
I asked my mom to give me
a note to skip this class.
But; "No! Exercise
is good for you!
"It'll help build
your muscles."
What muscles?
I have the muscles of a guy
who spent too much time...
- Whoa! 63.8 miles per hour!
New high school record!
- Hello! Earth to Jake!
Why don't you just put
us both out of our misery
and ask Angie out?
- Ask her out?
What are you, nuts?
I grew up with her.
I've known her since I was 4.
- Even better!
It'd be like dating
your own sister.
In not a creepy-dating-your-
own-sister kind of way.
- What? No! Forget it. I...
I haven't talked
to her in years.
She won't even...
notice me.
- You can start by
developing a personality.
- I have a personality.
- "Moody loner" is a red flag,
not a personality.
- Shut up!
- Craig's throwing this
huge party tonight!
Ask her to go with you.
- No, I can't.
- Why not?
- That is why not.
Todd Tomzak.
- You guys ready?
- You ever see
that guy play football?
He's like a human
killer machine.
- "Human Killer Machine"?
That's a good name for a band.
You've been blackmailed
You see that?
She cold-shouldered Todd!
You tried to be a superstar
Didn't work
You went way too far
Next time, listen to me
- Jake?
- Hey, Angie!
Oh, no, no, no!
Please, keep it!
- I'm not really hungry, so...
Um. so. earlier.
In Sterning's class.
That was me, right,
in the... that picture?
- Uh...
You know what?
It's funny that you act-ask me
that, actually, because, um...
Yeah.
- Um. can I see it?
- Yeah, yeah!
Uh, sorry. Um...
Um, here.
Wow! This is, um...
This is really good.
- You think so?
- Yeah. Can I keep this?
- Yeah, sure. Totally!
Uh... You really
like that?
- Well, I mean, it's...
It's no Picasso, but...
- Well, that's because
all of your body parts
are in the right place,
or so I assume.
Uh...
- Um...
- Yeah.
Uh, speaking of body pans
being in their right place,
you probably shouldn't tell
Todd where you got that.
- Todd? Oh, we broke up.
Like, 2 weeks ago.
- Does he know that?
Just because on the field
earlier, he seemed really...
- Oh, um, yeah, you know.
He's been trying to get me back,
but I'm not interested.
- Really? Really...
Angie, you know, uh, Craig is
having this big party tonight.
And I know this is
really late notice,
and I'm sure you have
plans with your peeps.
'Cause you probably have peeps.
But I was wondering if...
- Are you asking me
out on a dale?
- You're right.
That was a stupid idea.
Shouldn't have done it.
Why ruin our friendship, right?
- I mean, we haven't
really been friends
since we were 4 years old.
- You're right.
But something like
this could ruin it
for, like, another
13 years, so, I...
- Um, how about you.
Uh, pick me up? 8:00?
- Wha... Really?
- Yeah, 8:00. Does that
work for you?
- Yeah. 8:00 is good.
8:00 works.
- OK. I Will
see you at 8:00.
- Yeah.
- Um, Picasso, you are
cute when you're confident.
- Uh... Confident. Got it!
- OK!
- So, how did it go?
Did she reject you?
- What? I...
She said yes, man.
I mean...
- You're kidding!
I'm headed up
Hit it up
Hit it up
Hit it up
Hit it up
Hit it up
Hit it up, up
I'm headed up
Live it up
Live it
Live it up
Live it up
[have brought peace to a nation
that was racked by civil wan.
- What can you about the
thousands of civilians
that you had executed?
- It is a lie. That is a lie!
All of that is a lie!
AH of you, that is a He!
Your accusations... Ah! Uh...
- Mr. Komenkho,
are you all right?
It's a heart attack!
- Jakey, is that you?
- Yeah, it's me!
- It looks like Ge-
- I've been home for an hour!
Where have you been?
- Sorry, I was getting ready.
What do you think?
- Very handsome.
Thank you for remembering.
- Remembering what?
- About tonight.
- What are you talking about?
- Second and last Friday
of every month:
dinner with Grandpa.
- No. No, no, no.
Not tonight.
- Why not tonight?
- I have a date tonight.
- You can see Wendell
another time.
- It's not with Wendell.
It's with a girl!
Please don't laugh.
- Sorry.
Seriously.
Who's it with?
- You know her.
Angie Wagner.
- Little Angie Wagner?
How is she?
- She's a hard 10.
That's how she is.
And I'm like a soft 6.
- Seven.
- If I blow her off.
She'll never talk to me.
- Grandpa only gels out of
that awful old-folks home
twice a month
for dinner with us.
- We can do it tomorrow night.
Any other night. Please!
- No, no, no! Twice
a month. no canceling.
Old people need consistency.
Otherwise they get confused.
- He's already confused.
He thinks he's being watched.
- Being in the armed forces
has made Grandpa a little...
- Crazy?
- Jake Bouchard!
You can see little
Angie Wagner aflerwards.
Your dad's here with Grandpa.
- Yay!
- Be nice.
- So, what tall tales is Grandpa
gonna tell us tonight, huh?
Nazi zombies?
Communist garden gnomes?
- They were suspicious-looking
garden gnomes.
- Yeah, 'cause in this house.
That's totally normal.
Hey, Dad, what's Grandpa doing?
- Oh, you know, there is
a van parked by the Grossbergs,
and he won't get out of the car
because he thinks
it's a surveillance van.
- Are the Grossbergs
having a circumcision?
- Jake, cover the TV, oh,
and the... the... the blinds.
- Blinds.
- Blinds.
I can't
Believe we still do this.
- The televisions are covered?
- They sure are!
- The one in the kitchen loo?
- Yep!
- Well...
That, uh, surveillance
truck finally moved.
- Yeah, of course, Dad.
- Hi. son!
- Hi!
- Let's eat.
- Let's do it!
- OK...
Are you enjoying
your chicken, Dad?
- Yes.
- OK.
- Did I ever tell you
that Sanders, right.
He was the worst cook
our unit had.
- You knew Colonel
Sanders, Grandpa?
- Are you kidding?
You know, during the
Second Occupation of Cuba,
Private Sanders, he used to
shovel mule poop, right?
So, there was no, "Finger
lickin' good," you know?
Trust me!
And, um, basically.
I kind of invented the style
of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
- Hmm! Here we go...
- Me and my men...
Not my men.
A special unit I had.
We called them
Devil's Scum, right?
We decided we were gonna
ambush this supply truck.
It was right off
the coast of, uh, Cuba.
It was right off
the shores there.
So, we go hi! it.
Right? Nothing in it.
But the cab was
full of chickens.
We're starving to death, right?
So, I tell Sanders;
"Hey, get that spice rack!"
"Throw them in there," right?
So 13 spices
and, uh, herbs later.
History was being cooked!
Hmm...
You know, on the box here.
It says 11 secret
herbs and spices.
- Jake...
- No, he is correct.
Sanders look out one herb
and one spice, so that's 11.
And that's why I don't get one
royalty out of the whole deal.
- You know what?
Can we spend a little
more time eating
and a little less time
in fantasy land?
- Jake Michael Bouchard! Shhh!
I'm sorry, Dad.
Jake's anxious because
he has a dale tonight.
- Oh.
- Really?
Like, with a girl, or...
- Why is that so...
- Hatch yourself
a little hot chick?
- Yes, actually.
- Anxious to get out...
- Mom!
- Dad...
- OK. All right.
Listen. You have
some protection?
' Mom!
- Dad!
- What the heck!
What's the matter?
What? Are you ashamed?
Is there something
to be ashamed about that?
Well, that was awful.
- Mom, he's nuts!
He lives in a fantasy
world, and you guys...
He's doing it again!
He thinks the house
is full of microphones.
He's pulling Xs all over
the wall. It looks awful!
- I expect you to
offer him a full apology
when you drive him
to the nursing home.
- Drive him? No.
I'm not doing that.
I gotta take Angie!
- Your dad and I
are going to the airport.
I still have a
million things to pack.
- He's gonna ruin my dale
before it even starts!
- You're the only one
who can do it.
And you know your
grandpa won't take a taxi.
- Could we FedEx him?
Look, Angie.
I am so sorry.
I had no idea this
was happening tonight.
- It's fine.
It's nice that you
and your grandpa are close.
- Are you sure you're OK
to get to the party?
- Yes, totally! It's fine.
I'll meet you there.
- OK, great! Hey, try not to
have loo much fun without me.
- OK. Well.
No promises. Picasso.
- OK, bye.
- Hey, Grandpa, I just
wanted to, um, apologize
for what happened at dinner.
Tonight means a lot
to me, and I, uh...
I didn't mean to dis you...
Disrespect you.
- We getting hi!
Or something?
- Hello?
- Hey, Picasso!
Guess what? My ride died on me.
It's leaking oil or something.
- Yeah? Are you, uh, you OK?
- Uh, yeah. I look a shortcut
and ended up on Rambler Street,
right in front of the old
abandoned sock factory, so...
Not the best neighbourhood
to be stuck in.
Can you, uh, pick me up?
- Um... You know what?
I actually still have to
drop my grandfather off.
Could you give me.
Like, uh, 30 minutes?
- I can call Todd.
He's got a full set of tools.
- No! No, no, no!
No, no, no!
I'll, uh...
I'll be there.
Just, um...
Just don't move.
- Ah, that's my boy!
Battle of the Bulge, huh?
- Mmm... OK.
You know what, Grandpa?
When Angie gels in the car.
I need you to
just not talk. OK?
I just need you to be
my normal grandfather,
like everybody else's
normal grandfather.
Just for, like.
A few minutes. Please.
Grandpa, do you hear me?
- Uh, yeah, normal, uh...
normal grandfather.
- International reaction
to Krakhovian warlord
Vladekh Komenkho's
sudden death is mixed.
French president Jacques Dum...
- Komenkho, man.
I knew his father.
He was a terrible dresser. man.
But he had some
nice teeth, but, you know...
- This is where
she said she was.
- You sure about that?
- Yeah.
Yeah, there's
the old sock factory.
OK, let me call her.
What are you...
Oh God!
- This her phone?
- Yeah, it is.
Hmm... She must have
called the Auto Club.
And then dropped it somehow
when they picked her up.
- Yeah, here.
Hmm. Perfume...
gasoline...
and manure.
- What does manure
have to do with finding...
What are you doing?
- Looking for footprints.
Ah, there's more
than one of them too.
That's not good.
- What is that stuff?
- It's called luminol, kid.
Hey! Hey, where are you going?
Grand...
Grandpa!
- Over here!
- Crazy old man.
Hey! What are
you doing?
You can't just wander off
like that, all right?
- What are these
lire tracks doing here?
- Who cares?
- These are Goodyear EV330s.
Issued to government
vehicles only!
The same ones were
on the ambulance
and the SUV that
passed us earlier.
- OK. So, they're EV 30...
whatevers. Can we go now?
- I think your girlfriend
got herself mixed up
in something really bad.
- For the last time, Grandpa...
- Really bad.
- She's not my girlfriend.
And if I don't
get to that party,
she never will be, OK?
OK...
- What are you doing?
- Calling Wendell.
He's at the party. He's gonna
tell me that Angie is there.
- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait a minute.
I'll tell you what:
If she is at the party,
you take me to the home.
Feed me a tuna-fish sandwich.
Pa! me on the head.
And we're done!
If she's not there.
We do things my way.
Deal?
- Fine.
- Not fine, "deal."
- Deal.
- Yellow!
- Wendell! Are you at
the party? ls Angie there?
- No, she isn't.
Craig's folks didn't leave town.
Party's cancelled.
- What, are you
serious? Wha...
Do you... do you know
where she could be?
- I've got more
important things to do
than survey the whereabouts
of your girlfriend.
- She's not my
girlfriend, man, OK?
I'll (ilk to you later.
- Let's go!
- Where are we? And what
are we doing here?
- It's an underground
arms dealer.
These guys may
help us figure out
where they look your girlfriend.
- Yep, whatever
you say, Grandpa.
- You know what this is?
This is a spent shell from
a Tokarev automatic handgun.
- Where'd you get that?
- The ambulance lire tracks.
We're right there. Let's go.
- What's the password?
- The moon landing was a fake.
Automatics on this side.
Pack 'em up over there!
OK, close this one up.
- Don't touch that, kid.
Those are MID 69
super-EX mines.
Unless you'd like to be
barbecued to a crisp.
Boom!
- Come in!
Have a seal.
- Thank you.
- So, what can I do for you?
- Um...
You ever seen
any of these before?
- You a cop?
- Uh, military intelligence.
- Your kid?
- Grandson.
- Hello!
- Let me see that.
Tokarev, 7.6 mm.
Hmm. Nothing new.
- Did you unload
any of those lately?
- What's it to you?
- Well, you see.
My grandson here.
His, uh, girlfriend
got kidnapped
and, uh, I found that
right at the place
where we believe she got taken.
- And why should I care?
- Well, because in
about 10 seconds.
I'm gonna take down
this big gorilla of yours,
put the other goon away
and put this one in a coma.
Then when I ask you
the question again.
You'll be in a world of hurt.
- You know what I think?
- No.
- I think you should play nice
and go home with your grandson.
- Grandpa?
- OK.
See, I'll be! that
you're thinking:
"Who is this old man
standing in from of me
'Who's not afraid?"
Am I right?
And you're also thinking.
"What does this guy know
that makes him so fearless?
"He's crazy," right?
That's what most people
think: "He's crazy!"
But then again.
Maybe he's not so crazy.
Maybe he knows exactly...
what he's doing.
- All right, enough.
- Ah!
- Holy!
- Help the boss!
- Come on!
- Tell 'em to put them down.
- Put your guns down.
- Get up.
On the ground, boys.
Don't move anywhere.
Come here.
Now I'm gonna
ask you that question:
Did you move any
of those shells lately?
- Um, just last week, buyers
from out of town wanted some.
- And?
- And they took full crates of
automatics and weapons and ammo.
- You wouldn't happen to know.
Uh, anybody's name, would you?
- No, uh, some mercenary
from "Krishkrash." I don't know.
- Krakhovians?
- Yeah.
- Komenkho.
- Mm-hmm.
- The guy from the news?
- Son, you slay right behind me.
Boys, face the
other way and walk.
Don't look back.
Just keep walking.
Come on.
- Police! Everybody.
Hands where we can see them!
- Hands in the air!
- Hands in the air! Don't move!
- Sir, please
put your weapon down.
- Leave those two alone!
These... are "friendlies."
Good evening.
Major Crawford.
- How you been?
- Meh.
- Hey! You're the rabbi that...
- Mr. Bouchard...
I'm Captain Steinberg
with ASPIC.
Well, one might wonder
why we should find you here.
This is very unexpected.
- I want to talk
to Maddy Harcourt.
- Who's Harcourt?
- She's wailing for you.
Please. follow me.
- Come on. let's
follow protocol.
- Take off the cuffs.
Please leave us.
Mr. Bouchard...
- Oh, please, call me
Jake, or Jakey.
My grandpa calls me Jakey.
Um, where is my grandfather?
- Don't worry,
Mr. Bouchard. He's close.
I'm an old friend of his.
Madeleine Harcourt.
Your grandfather and I
served together.
- Oh. Uh, were you
one of the Devil's Scum?
- Excuse me?
- The Devil's Scum.
Uh, Grandpa's old
special forces unit.
- He told you he was
in a special forces unit?
- Oh, I... I won't,
like, say anything.
I'll... I'll keep it
to myself, I promise. Shhh!
- Uh, Mr. Bouchard, what else
did your grandfather tell you?
- Uh, where
do I start? Uh...
Let's see... He told me
about North Korea.
He told me about Mao
and how that Argo movie
was all wrong or something.
Uh, what are you guys
doing about Angie?
- Angie?
- Yeah, she's my...
Uh, we were supposed
to pick up a girl.
Her car broke down.
And then we got there.
She wasn't.
Grandpa thinks she's
mixed up in something.
She was kidnapped.
- Mr. Bouchard, did your
grandfather ever mention to you
that he received a Section B
from the military?
- Uh, I don't understand.
- Your grandfather hasn't been
on the active-duly
roster since 2005.
He was found
mentally incompetent.
- But he's not ment-
- Perhaps it was stress.
Maybe shell shock.
We had him on desk duly
for a few years.
But sometimes an idea pops into
his head and he runs with it
without realizing
how insane the idea is.
It's actually quite impressive
how detailed the fantasy world
is he can create.
- OK. But what about Angie?
She's still missing.
- You don't know where she is.
Doesn't mean she's missing.
We'll look into it.
I'm sure she's fine.
- I... The... the...
The shell casings!
He found 2 shell casings
at the place
she was supposed to be.
- Did you happen to see him
pick up those shell casings?
- Well. no.
- Part of your
grandfathers dementia
is that he collects all sorts
of odd bits of military junk:
spent shells, old scraps
of enemy uniforms...
He's probably been carrying
those shell casings around
for the last 20 years.
- So, he didn't lead
a raid on Mao's villa?
The French Foreign Legion.
The-the affair
with the double agent...
- All fantasies.
- Ah! I mean...
Wait. No, no, no!
He look down that big guy
at the garage where
the rabbi picked us up.
That guy was huge.
He used his bare hands.
You should have seen it!
It was amazing!
- Even old people.
When they have to.
When they need to, they can
turn it on for one last mission.
I know this is hard for you.
Your grandfather
loves you very much.
But he can no longer
function by himself.
Well, not until we get him
back on his medication.
- So, what happens to him?
- We're going to move him
to a veterans hospital.
In a few months, you'll
be able to see him again.
We've left word
for your parents.
I'm sure once they get it,
they'll come straight back.
Everything's going to be fine.
- Yeah, sure.
Take good care of him.
Mr. Bouchard...
- Hey! Hey, you guys, in there!
Hey! Look at me!
Look at me!
I am not moving. OK?
You get Madeleine Harcourt
to come in here.
I am not moving!
Take a look right here.
I'm gonna stand here like
a rock, OK, until I see her.
You got me?
Hey! Maddy.
I, uh...
- What? No salute for
a superior officer?
I'm a commander now.
- Oh! Then, um.
There you go, Commander.
Uh... You always did like
being on lop anyway, huh?
- My, oh my!
- Where, um...
Where is my grandson?
- We're taking good care of him.
- Well, I'm sure you are.
And the Angie Wagner situation?
- Uh, yes.
Jake's girlfriend.
We found her car in a garage
where she had it lowed.
She's probably having
a great time with her friends.
Sorry she stood up
your grandson.
He looks like a nice kid.
- He is.
Come on!
No, no, no, no!
- 911. What is the nature
of your emergency?
- Hello. My name
is Angie Wagner.
And I've been kidnapped.
Um... My car broke down.
And there was an ambulance
and these SUVs.
And they shot 2 people!
He did! That man from the TV.
- OK, Angie, calm down.
Tell me where you are.
- He... he... he saw me.
And he look me to, um...
I don't know. It's-it's...
It's somewhere by the water.
Look, I got out of the room
they were holding me in
and I got this phone.
But I don't know when
they're gonna be back...
- Tell me, Lou.
What were you thinking
blowing your cover like that?
- I wasn't thinking very much.
- That's the cover story
you chose, Lou.
We were ready to retire you
to a beach somewhere.
- Well, I never really
expected this night lo happen.
- Didn't you?
Coming up with that story
about Jake's girlfriend being
mixed up with the Krakhovians...
- That is what where
all the evidence points at.
- And on top of that,
he tells me you divulged
classified information.
And you told him about us.
- I... I told him about.
Uh, a double agent.
I didn't use your
name or anything.
But what's the difference?
He's used to his grandpa
telling him these wacky stories.
He never believed a word of it.
- He thinks you're
the greatest thing
since the personal computer.
- Really, huh?
Hmm...
- Tomorrow, we'll relocate
you to a safe house.
- Um, would it be all right if
I said goodbye to my grandson?
- What for? It'll just make
things harder for everyone.
Excuse me.
Yes?
- Officer, you're
needed in the control room.
I'll be right there.
I've got to go.
- Ah...
- Here. You've
got clearance.
- Oh...
- get yourself a cup of coffee.
Catch a nap
in the officer's mess.
We'll move you out
in a few hours.
- OK, thanks.
- I'm sorry it has to
be this way, Lou.
- Yeah, well...
OK, sweetie.
Thanks. That Angie Wagner thing.
You're sure about that, huh?
- She's fine! Quit
torturing yourself.
Gel some rest.
- I've been doing that
for years, you know.
- Oh, and, Lou...
don't do anything stupid.
- I'm getting loo old
for the game now.
- Come on. come on. come on.
- Ah!
- Whoa, whoa!
- Yeah! Ah...
- Oh!
- It's OK.
- Oh, you reek!
- In my country, we have saying;
"If you hide in vat
of manure for 3 days,
"you don't come out
smelling like the roses."
- OK!
- This does...
This does nothing.
Good night, budgie rabbit.
- We think it could be
from Komenkho's hideout.
- This just came in through 911.
- Play it.
- Hello! My name
is Angie Wagner,
and I've been kidnapped.
Um... My car broke down.
And there was an ambulance
and these SUVs.
And they shot 2 people!
He did! That man from the TV.
- OK, Angie, calm down.
Tell me where you are.
- He... he... he saw me.
And he took me to, um...
I don't know. It's... it's...
It's somewhere by the warez.
Look, I got out of the room
they were homing me in
and I got this phone,
but I don't know
when they're gonna be back.
- Call 911.
Give them our
clearance information.
Tell them it was
a training call.
- Yes. ma'am.
- Hey.
- Sir?
- I'm here to, um, bring the kid
back to Madeleine Harcourt.
Here you go.
OK, uh.
Let's go, Jake.
- What? No.
- Excuse me.
Come here, son.
Look, we don't have anytime.
I'll tell you about
everything later, all right?
- I know all about you.
- Yeah?
- The Section B and everything.
- It's not true.
- Madeleine told me.
- Look, quite a few
people in this world
would like to see my ass dead.
So they built this cover story.
Come on.
- No, man!
I'm not going anywhere with you!
Look, I'm tired of everyone
telling me what to do! OK?
- Listen, Angie is
in a lot of trouble.
- No, she's not.
Just because we can't find her
does not mean she is missing.
She must be fine.
- She is not fine.
And if we don't move.
And I'm talking about right now.
She's gonna be a lot
worse than not fine, OK?
Look at me.
I am not crazy.
- How do I know?
- You don't.
You don't. But you do know
that I'm your grandfather.
You know I'm kind of capable.
Look, as you get older.
You're gonna have a lot
of these moments.
And when they happen.
The best advice I can give you
is you listen to your
heart and your guts.
And you won't go wrong.
So...
What do you say?
- OK.
- OK.
- OK.
- Put up the interrogation room.
Zoom in.
Dammit, Lou!
Call security at the entrance.
I'm sure they can
slop Major Crawford.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Security.
- Aren't they looking for us?
- They are now.
How you doing?
- One moment, sir.
Are you Major Crawford?
- Uh, yes.
Yes, I am.
Are you, um. shocked
and unconscious?
That's the trouble
with this generation.
They have no stamina.
- Ma'am...
- Hey, so what are we
supposed to do?
They have our car keys.
- We don't need car keys.
I, uh...
I got my, uh...
- Bobby pin?
- No, it's the
original bobby pin.
It's my money clip,
my nose plug,
uh, temporary zipper repair
and my lock pick.
- Oh.
- Come on!
- Grandpa, there's a gate!
- Screw it! Hit it.
- Should we send men after them?
Ma'am?
- Angie got kidnapped
by Komenkho.
- Komenkho? No.
He's dead, remember?
- Here's what I think happened;
Angie's on the way to the party.
The car goes on the fritz.
She makes that phone call.
After the phone call, she hears
something from the alley.
She runs out.
She sees this ambulance,
but the patient, he's not dead.
No. He's very much alive.
- I see movement!
- This way!
- Run, run. run!
- In the trees!
So, they kidnap Angie
and they get her car towed.
- So, Komenkho faked
his heart attack.
- Well. I mean. he's
indicted on war crimes.
He's got to get out of here.
Angie's his insurance policy.
If we can hack
into the 911 system.
We can get her location.
That's it.
- We have to talk to Wendell.
' Who?
- Wendell. Trust me.
He's the guy.
- Hey, slop! Hey, hey!
It's Jake. It's Jake.
Look, we need you to hack
into the 911 phone system.
- Now?
- Yeah.
- It's impossible.
- Not for you.
- It's a government system.
Heavily encrypted.
Maybe if I had
my own terminal, I could...
- If we got a government
terminal, would you do it?
Get up!
- Let's go!
- Now?
- Yeah.
- What's going on?
- What?
Major Lou Crawford,
on my doorstep!
- How you been, Harry?
- You come to finally
pay up on that card game?
- I will. But I need
your help, all right?
- Well. come on in.
- Hi.
- Harry, we brought Wendell here
to hack into the 911 system
because we're tracing
a phone call.
- Meet the last
of the UNIVAC 2000s.
Built it myself, like
everything else in here.
- Jake, the calculator
on my phone
is more sophisticated
than this thing.
- Well, maybe the Japs have
got you fooled into thinking
that phone of yours
is the cat's teats.
But I ain't never met
a communications system
that could keep out
Old Reliable here.
- My phone's from Korea.
- Koreans make phones?
Well, what's next?
We make pals with the Cubans?
- Actually...
- Listen, if you want
to break into
a government system.
My UNIVAC is the
only game in town.
Let me show you
something else here.
Wait till you see this!
The 7th cup.
All from the same bag.
" Tea?
- Oh, uh...
- Tea? What about
my 911 call?
- Right, right.
Um... All right, boys.
You, go over there
and wait until I tell you
to throw that switch.
You, sit down here
and wait till I tell you
to push the button.
- OK.
- OK. get ready.
- This is safe, right?
- Well, we'll soon find out.
All right.
Flip the switch.
Press the button.
Everybody, cover your eyes!
Yahoo!
Whoo-hoo!
What's with all the car alarms?
- Electromagnetic surge!
It's to be expected!
Come on, Harry! Not again!
- I'll hear about
this in the morning.
- OK. Where's your
Wi-Fi code?
- Wh-what?
- Never mind.
I'll just improvise.
- Hey, Harry, what's that?
- Batteries.
Elon Musk's team design.
It can feed this entire
building for a month.
- If I can link your
computer to mine,
I should be able to establish a
connection to the 911 database.
I'm in!
OK, locating our time frame...
Let's see what we have.
My cat's stuck up
the tree! Now it's down again!
- My name is Angie Wagner and...
- Slop! That's it!
- Um... My car broke down.
And there was an ambulance
and these SUVs.
And they shot 2 people!
He did! That man from the TV.
- Komenkho?
- He saw me.
And he took me to, um...
I don't know. It's-Jr's
somewhere by the warez.
I got out of the room
they were homing me in
and I got this phone,
but I don't know
when they're gonna be back.
- No! Come on, you
got to find them, buddy.
Come on. please.
- I've retraced where
the signal came from.
- What do we do now, Grandpa?
- Let's get the rest
of the Scum.
- Boys, I want you to meet our
paratrooper and climbing fool.
This is Mother.
- Is he dead?
Ah!
- Is that you, Major?
Harry!
- Just please
let me go, Mr. Mother.
- Give us a little
love, brother.
- Help me up!
- What does it take...
' Hey. Wolf!
- Lou!
Harry!
- Wolf!
- Hey!
- Mother, you, uh...
This a surprise!
I mean...
- Oh, hey, boys.
This is, uh, Wolf.
He's our explosives expert.
- Hi!
- A man of the cloth...
Some things do change.
- Honey! Don't leave me hanging.
I've got a spec...
- Some things don't!
I'm sorry.
- Shhh, Shhh! Shhh!
- Grandpa, are you sure
we're supposed 10...
- Shhh, Shhh, Shhh!
- So, you've come to play games
with ol' Giovanni, huh?
I gotta tell you;
I play to win.
- Good evening, Giovanni.
- Major?
- I thought you were dead!
I don't think so, no.
No, but I'm a little older.
But, look, maybe you
can help me.
I'm looking for some
gun-crazed weapons engineer
and a-and a camo expert.
- Let me thing about it
for about a week.
- Do that.
- I'll get back to you.
- Uh-huh.
- Louis! Louis! Louis!
- I thought you were dead.
- No, no.
- Scum! It's the Scum!
You're all a bunch of scum!
That's what you are!
- Oh, man!
- And you're still alive!
And you're still alive!
- Yeah!
- You're all old people!
What did you do.
Empty out the rest home?
- You got anything
you want to confess?
- You can slick that
where the sun don't shine.
Who are the kids?
Gentlemen! Behold!
Averitable Geppetto's workhouse
of military wonders,
where the warrior in you
can find everything he needs
to achieve his greatest dreams.
- Hmm!
- Oh yeah!
- Oh.
- Hey! get away from that gun!
- I'm sorry!
- You ruined my coffee pol!
- I said I was sorry, OK?
It just looked cool.
- You ruined my coffee pol.
- That's loo bad.
That was really good coffee.
- OK!
At 7:45 this afternoon.
My grandson's girlfriend
was kidnapped by Krakhovians.
- Krakhovians?
- Komenkho.
- Oh boy!
- All right, so.
This is the warehouse
where they're holding her.
We got 4 entrances here.
What we have to do
is coordinate a strike
at each one of those entrances.
What we need to do first
is get 2 cameras
from these opposite corners here
to cover the whole place.
Now, along this west wall here.
There's a bunch
of these transformers.
And we'll need you
to, uh, sneak in there
and throw that switch off
for a diversion.
Pop it off.
- OK?
- Just pop it off?
- Yeah, pop it off.
ThiS...
- Mm-hmm?
- Is you.
You will zip line
from the lower to the roof.
And then rappel down
onto the south entrance.
- I'm not going up there!
- You were the best
wire man we had.
Please go there, alright?
Harry...
- Hmm?
- The north.
Which is the channel
you'll be coming through.
The north.
That's water
- In the water?
- That reminds me. I saw
one of them deep-diving suits.
- Yeah, I have that.
That's vintage, 1944.
- Nice!
- Uh, still works, I think.
- You think? What do
you mean, you think?
- Ah, 50-50.
I'm kidding you!
- Oh, OK.
- All right, Wolf.
Right outside the east side,
about 100, 200 yards
down the road.
There's this trolley.
I want you to load it up
with explosives
and run it into that door.
Splintering it
to smithereens, OK,
just like we did
in Saigon in '71.
- Oh. Whoa, whoa!
You're kidding, right?
- Do I look like I'm Kidding?
- Yeah.
- Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Take it easy, guys.
- I want to talk to you about.
Um, our assault vehicle.
What happened to the Scummobile?
- I sold it.
- Seriously?
- I'm sorry.
I needed the money.
- It's not your fault, OK?
Now, is there any chance
that maybe you got.
Uh, something else?
You got another
kind of vehicle or...
That means yes.
When you're smiling.
- Yes!
- Good.
I made it myself. Come here!
- Come on, boys! Let's go.
- Gentlemen!
- Wow!
An original 1979
Volkswagen Transporter 2.
This is awesome!
- Lou, what in Heaven's name are
we supposed to do with that?
- It could make
a great base camp.
- Are you serious?
- I kind of like it.
It looks pretty cool.
- But we gonna die!
- Are we out of our
Tricking minds here'?
- Hey, Wolf...
- Wolf, nothing!
In case you haven't
noticed, Major.
We're no youngsters anymore.
And I got myself a woman.
And I'm a priest.
And a damned good one!
- Maybe we want to think
this thing through.
Let's sleep on it, all right?
- I don't sleep good anymore.
I pee 8 times a night.
Six in the toilet.
- I... I don't think this
is a good time for this.
- Enough of that! OK?
Forget this crazy talk!
We should all go home.
Forget this night ever happened.
Look, I love you guys.
You're gonna do
what you're gonna do.
May God go with you.
I'm out of here.
- I think Wolf has a point, Lou.
- It's... I...
I... Uh...
- No.
- Another lime.
Another place, fellas.
Drop in to my church.
It might do you some good.
- Bye.
- What, that's it?
This is the Devil's Scum
I've heard so much about?
The men who assassinated Hitler.
Who fronted the Tel Offensive?
That's it?
You know what? Just go.
Leave. But I will never
forget this night.
You want to know why?
'Cause this is the night
that I learned about bravery.
And I learned it from
hearing stories about you men.
The Devil's Scum!
Look, my generation.
We have no idea
how good we have it.
OK, we... we... we text
on our smartphones.
We update our statuses
on Facebook.
We... we listen to our music
in the Cloud.
All without realizing
that this world is a safer place
because of men like you.
Men who fought so that kids
like me could be free
lo-lo text and tweet
and "like" and "poke."
OK, you know what I said today?
I said that old people
should be seen and not heard.
- It's true. I heard it.
I thought it was
very disrespectful.
- Well. I was wrong.
Old people have a lot
to leach my generation.
One thing they don't have to
leach us is how to quit.
'Cause we already
know how to do that.
You know, the Devil's Scum.
You guys look on the world when
the world was a dangerous place.
Well, you know what? The world
is still a dangerous place.
And now more than ever.
We need heroes.
There's a girl
in trouble tonight...
big trouble.
And she needs you.
She needs the Devil's Scum.
So go on.
Leave. Quit.
Do what you want to do.
But I know 2 people
who aren't gonna quit.
Right, Grandpa?
- That's right, son.
- Wrong.
There's 3 of us.
- What do you say, boys?
A chance to go out
on our shields.
Come on.
Wendell?
- As long as I'm home
before breakfast.
Mom's making
chocolate-chip pancakes.
- Nobody pulls us apart.
Not before we break them apart!
- All right.
The sun's coming up.
- Mm-hmm.
- Up jump the Devil, boys.
- Thank you, sir.
You sure you boys
want to be here?
- Well, I'm so scared.
I might pee in my pants.
- Yeah, I'm all in.
I'm loo old for this.
- Mother, you all
clear up there?
- Eagle eye. Two birds
on the roof.
- Cage them all.
All of them.
- Copy that.
Sleep well. soldiers!
Harry,
there's 2 coming towards you.
Don't blow any bubbles, OK?
- Roger that!
Where am I going again?
- The eyes are on.
- Roger.
- It's exposed here.
Watch for me.
- East/south eyes...
are hot.
- Copy that.
Gio. Don't move!
You got a guy coming-
- Hey, zoom out.
- Am I clear?
- Yeah, you're ab' clear:
Now tum off that switch.
- All right. Here I go.
- Eagle Eye! You
ready to fly, brother?
- Oh yeah!
- Hey, it's working.
- It's time...
- Yeah? OK.
What do I do if you need help?
- Um, it'll come to you.
- Hey, Grandpa...
- Yeah?
- Be careful.
- Thanks.
- Whoa! No.
Oh, please!
Don't look down!
Don't look down.
Oh, I looked down.
No! Ah! Oh!
There goes my last kidney.
All right. Got you!
Oh, I gotta get up!
Oh my goodness.
Ah!
- Ah!
It's easier with cartilage.
- OK! Here we go.
Real simple...
Oh, my back!
- Why isn't he
flicking the switch?
- Lord, please protect Lou
so I can kill him myself!
- Gio! Come on.
What the heck's going on?
- Lou, hold on a minute.
A slipped disc.
Ah, two inches.
- Harry?
- Oh!
- Which one of those
tanks did you take?
- The one with the...
The one with the smiley face!
- That's happy gas, you idiot!
- I want you out
of the water right now!
- Come on. come on!
General, there is
some activity in the water.
Something going on down there.
- We might got some troubles.
- Troubles?
- Troubles!
You don't know
that word, "troubles"?
Idiot! You know
that word?
- Idiot. Copy.
- You know that word?
Yeah...
- Hey, hey!
S-s-something's going on.
Looks like the...
The guards have been alerted.
- All right. We'll use that
as a distraction.
Now go!
- Roger that.
OK, they're gone! Ah!
- Hands up.
' Hmm? '
- Turn around!
- Ah!
- Whoo!
- Hmm... Uh...
- How you doing?
- Can one of you guys
help me out of this thing?
Gio! How are you?
- Not so good. You?
- Oh, pretty good.
Not bad.
- Grandpa, they're all busted.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. Well, I'm not sure about
Mother, but the others are.
What do we do?
- Just stay in that truck, OK?
I want you to stay
in that truck.
Do that for me please, OK?
I'll take care of it.
Grandpa? Grandpa?
We gotta do something.
- We can't fight
the Krakhovians.
We got midterms next week.
What are you doing?
- What does it
look like I'm doing?
Come on...
- No, I...
- Hey, no!
I'm slaying, you're slaying.
- Oh.
Hey, you don't even
know my name, man.
- This?
- Batteries for my pacemaker.
- "Pissmaker"?
- "Pacemaker".
- Pissmaker!
Pissmaker!
I didn't know.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever,
you Krakhovian cabbage.
- Shut!
- You shut!
- You shut!
- Shut you!
- Leave him alone!
- Welcome!
Welcome.
Welcome.
Who are you old men?
- Nobody you'd care to know.
- Nobody! Oh!
"Nobody," says the man
in the green bush.
Hello!
Hey!
And you are here
to do what, huh?
Arrest me? Oh!
What are you
old fools thinking, huh?
Come on, guys.
Is this a joke? Huh?
Is this a joke?
I love jokes. What?
This is
a joke. Come on!
- We're soldiers.
- Oh, Oh!
Is that so? Hmm.
And from what century?
And your commander?
Oh! OK, I see.
All for one and one
for all the old farts, huh?
Oh come on, bunny rabbit!
You don't like that? Ah!
I really hope you guys
wear your old-man diapers.
Hold your fire!
Hold on! Take it easy.
Easy, big guy-
- Ah, thanks, Lou!
Ah!
- Angie, are you all right?
- Who are you?
- Uh, Lou Crawford.
- Wait. What, what.
What, what, what?
What, what, what?
Major Lou Crawford?
The Major Lou Crawford?
- The... Will you slop that?
I'm trying to have
a conversation here.
- Oh. Sorry, Lou.
- Come on!
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
The Major Lou Crawford?
The same Major Lou Crawford
the KGB called...
Canuckian?
- Crazy Canuck. Yeah!
So you know about me, huh?
- I received my military
education in Stalingrad.
Your exploits were
required reading.
- I'm honoured.
- Don't be.
I was sent
to Stalingrad to study
after my father was
killed in action,
by You.
- It's official. We're hosed.
- You probably don't even
know who my father was.
- I pretty much remember
almost everybody I killed.
He wasn't a very nice guy.
- He had a family!
- He had a brother? Sister?
- Younger sister! She teaches.
Uh, children how to swim.
- Mother?
- Of course!
- Well, your father.
He should have thought
of you poor people
before he tried to buy
that enriched uranium
from one of my spies.
- Mmm... I killed
that spy a few years ago.
E-e-excuse me!
You mind if we go and sit down
while you have
your pissing contest?
- Yeah, no, that's all right.
Yeah, it's OK. Yeah.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, I'm good
with that. You?
- Yeah, yes.
- OK. Sure.
- Look, we all know
that you faked your death
and that you're trying to
get out of the country.
So, in the nicest way.
I'm asking you:
Why don't you let
this poor girl go?
- I would hope that
your superiors know.
They helped me plan my escape.
- Maddy...
- Maddy! Maddy...
Yeah, call it a little payback
for all the help I gave ASPIC
in the early '90s.
I helped you take down
the Berlin Wall.
Now you help me get away
from all those, um.
Unpleasant war-crimes trials.
I don't like them!
I don't like those.
You know? You know?
But they just don't know that
I'm going to kill all their men
and leave the country on my own.
But I'm crazy like that!
Crazy like that
Crazy like that
Uh-huh!
Our ride is here.
What does he mean, "our ride"?
- Don't worry.
They can't shoot us here.
It'd leave loo much evidence.
They'll get caught
before they leave.
- Very good, Major.
Man, you still got it.
Or I just shoot you now
and take my chances with ASPIC.
- Oh, aisle seal, please.
- Don't you have a backup plan?
- I... I... I think so, yeah.
- It's the lighter!
- Angie!
- Jake? Jake!
- Ah!
- Take cover!
- Mother!
IT'S A DUD!! IT'S A BLUFF!!
- Cheap commie crap!
Whose side are You on?
- Hey! Hey!
- I'm sorry. Lou!
- Kill them.
- Angie!
- Jake!
- Jake!
- Hold on! I'm coming!
- Let me go!
Jake!
We'll be back!
- Wish me luck.
- Huh?
- Mr. Wolf!
- How about me?
- Giovanni!
- Meet your maker!
- Jake!
- No, no, no!
Ah! Ah!
Crazy like that
Uh...
Canuckian.
I'll take you upstairs
for insurance. Yeah.
Come on, bunny rabbit.
Up! Up!
Move.
What are you waiting for?
Go get him!
Let me go!
Come on! Let's get
some carrots.
- Stay here!
- Yeah, I can do that!
- Where is the old man?
- How you doing, Harry?
- They're gonna get
a big charge out of this.
- Well, hurry up!
- Whoa, that was close!
- Grandpa?
- That's right.
That's right.
- Let me go!
- Oh!
- Let me go.
You stinking pig!
- You little witch!
If you cannot break the spirit,
break the body. Come on!
Come on!
Come on! Don't be scared.
It's OK. Come on!
- Komenkho!
Hey, you OK?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Angie? Angie!
- Jake? Jake!
What are you doing here?
- I came with my
grandpa to get you.
- That old man is your grandpa?
- Isn't he awesome?
- We have to go!
He's on the 2nd floor.
- Do you know where?
- Yes!
- Hello, kittens!
- Back, back, back!
- Hello, kittens!
- Angie?
- Yeah?
- Batter up.
- Yeah.
- I know what you're
thinking right now.
You're thinking to yourself:
'Why isn't this kid
scared of me?"
Am I right?
Of course I'm right.
You're thinking; "What does
this kid know that I don't know
"that's making him so fearless?
"Maybe he's insane.
"But maybe, just maybe, this kid
can take care of himself."
- Oh.
- Hey! Are you OK?
- Are you OK?
- I'm fine.
- How... how did you find me?
- Grandpa.
- What-what about your grandpa?
- I'll tell you about it later.
- Oh.
Hows that for confidence?
- That was good.
- Not bad, huh?
- I liked it.
That was good.
- Grandpa?
- Let's go.
- Ah!
, I'm empty!
- Don't ask me. I'm out!
- Time to put her on!
Ah! Switches...
Ah! I think I'm ready.
It's getting hot!
- Harry, do your magic!
- Wait! What?
Pissmaker...
- Harry! I love you, Harry!
- God works in wondrous ways
with a little help
from you, Harry!
- I knew you could do it!
- This way!
This way!
- No, no, no!
Wait, wait, wait!
- What?
- Follow me. Come on.
- Oh.
Ah!
- Hey! Grandpa, you OK?
- I think so.
- Watch out!
- I kill you all.
Bluff!
- A backup plan.
They're 2 MID 69
super-EX mines,
and they'll barbecue
your ass to a crisp.
- What are you? Some kind of
big soldier now, huh?
- Nope.
- Huh?
- Major Lou Crawford's grandson.
- They're only smoke bombs?
- Yeah. I lied!
- That's my boy!
You guys slay there.
Do not move.
OK.
- Excuse me.
- Ah!
Ah!
- Come on.
Hey! You OK?
- Oh!
" Oof!
- Yeah.
- Well, that probably hurt.
- Ah! Good job, son.
I'm proud of you.
- Well, I've learned
from the best.
- What did you say to me?
No, I got it.
I got it.
No, I'm not that old.
I get it. OK.
- Who was that, Lou?
- Uh, Harcourt. She's, uh.
Right outside here somewhere.
So, uh, again.
Boys, good job.
- Ah! It was fun, Lou!
A walk in the park.
- Only next time, Lou, make the
mission a little bit difficult.
- That was awesome!
Hey, do I get a cigar loo?
- When you start
shaving, Einstein.
The scene is secure.
- Copy that.
- Hey, Jakey! Introduce us
to your girlfriend.
Uh, yeah. Angie.
This is Scum.
Scum, this is Angie.
And she is not my girlfriend.
- Like hell I'm not!
Come here.
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
- Nice!
- Little boy's growing up!
- Nice!
- Angie, if I were
60 years younger...
- Hey!
- Is that Madeleine Harcourt?
- No fatalities.
- My, she's a hot one!
- I wish I was 70 again.
- Yeah!
- My, oh my, Lou!
What have you done?
- Exactly what you
wanted me to do, dear.
- Figured it out, did you?
- Yeah, I was a little.
Uh, little late on that.
But I started thinking
and I was wondering,
and then it came to me.
How the heck did I get
out of that agency
with the kid, so fast, so easy?
How did that happen?
- Just because some
politician tells me
I have to help the bastard
get out of the country,
it doesn't mean I
have to get in the way
of someone trying to slop him.
- Yeah, well, you could
have got us all killed.
- It was a risk I was
willing to take.
He had the girl, and there was
nothing I could do to help her.
- You almost got
my grandson killed!
- Who told you
to bring him along?
Lou, darling.
We've seen so much
action together.
Let's put this behind us.
Everyone's fine;
your grandson. your men...
It's been a good mission.
Just like the old days.
- Like the
old days. Exactly!
- Medic!
- What's going on over there?
- What the heck?
- Grandpa!
- Are you OK, sir?
- What's wrong with him?
He's going into cardiac arrest.
Bring a stretcher!
- Get him to an ambulance now!
- Grandpa, you're gonna be OK.
- You got him?
- Wait, wait, wait!
- Don't be scared, son.
- I'm sorry. We have to go.
- Move! Move!
- Dock him in.
Go straight in.
- No, no, no.
Jake, you stay here.
It's better. Better.
- Go. ma'am.
All clear.
Close them up.
- We'll see you back
at the house, OK, Jake?
- Take your time.
Such a great guy.
- How are you doing?
- I'm fine.
- Really?
- No.
- Jakey, you got a moment?
- I'll see you back
at the house, OK?
- Yeah.
- She's a great gal, Jakey.
- Only one at school
worth fighting for.
- Yeah, me and the boys,
uh, we were talking.
There's something
about your grandfather
we think you should know.
- You see...
When your grandpa was
released from active duly...
they wanted to relocate him
lo a place like
the Bahamas or Switzerland
so he'd be safe.
You know, all those villains
were after him, like Komenkho.
But he wouldn't go.
- Grandpa never could
run from a fight.
- We... we ran from
lots of fights, him and us.
That's why we all
made it as long as we did.
- Your grandfather wouldn't
leave because of you.
Me?
- He wanted to be close to you.
- It was his idea to...
lo fake being senile.
End up in a nursing home.
Perfect cover!
So the bad boys
would feel sorry for him
and, uh, leave him alone.
And it...
Hell, it worked.
- He kept up the act...
all those years.
Just to see you grow up.
- We only took him out of
that home twice a month.
- Yeah, well, that was
good enough for him.
He, uh, wanted you
to have these.
- And these...
You're family now, kiddo.
Nothing pulls us apart.
- We thought you should know.
- Thank you.
Up jumps the Devil.
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
- So, what's the
plan tonight, Picasso?
- Oh, let's see...
- Mm-hmm.
- I come to your game...
- OK.
- Watch you beat the snot
out of Westmore Academy,
and then take you
out to celebrate?
- Done!
- And my parents aren't home.
- Oh, well, maybe
we could, um...
- Hey! What an
adorable couple!
- Grandpa?
- Nice!
- Grandpa!
- Hey, kid!
- Hey!
- Hi, Angie!
- What is this? I mean,
you're supposed to be...
- Dead!
- Yeah!
- Yeah, officially, I am,
but I got to tell you.
It's very liberating.
- I... I don't understand.
Uh, how?
- Well, uh, the lunatic asylum
I was in over there...
I hated it at the nursing home.
So Maddy was gracious
enough to get me out.
So, "dead," now.
Is my, uh, cover.
- You pulled a Komenkho
and faked your own death?
- Yeah, but see.
That guy,
he got a beautiful nice
funeral out of it.
You know what I mean?
- I, uh... Mom!
Grandpa, we gotta tell Mom!
- Oh, no.
No, no. No.
Uh, let me get settled
for a little while.
And we'll bring her up to speed.
You know, once
I get settled, OK?
- Well, where are you going?
- Well, I'm, uh...
- Coming, darling?
Hi, Mr. Bouchard!
- Hi, Ms. Harcourt!
- Yeah, she's, uh, she's got
a little farm down in Mexico.
No televisions.
No TVs. no minivans.
Pigs, ducks, you know, sun,
a few of the blue pills...
Perfect, right?
- You are something else.
You know that?
- Yeah, man!
- Oh, by the way...
- No, no, no!
Keep those, you know.
In case I feel, like, bored.
And I want to come
out of retirement.
- OK.
- I gotta go, you guys.
- OK, yeah.
' Bye. gorgeous!
- Bye!
- And, um, I will, uh, text
you guys in a little while.
- Oh! Hey, Grandpa.
By the way...
What are you gonna do on a farm?
What do you know about
chickens, pigs or goals?
- Let me tell you something.
If I can destroy Death Star
and save the galaxy...
- Star Wars? Really?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Lucas, that bum, he took
2 planets, changed the names...
- So, legally, it became
a different story.
- Exactly. That's why I
don't get one cent of royalties.
- That guy...
- That guy!
I got to feed some of the...
When life is about to give
you what you want
You really need to
give it all you have
You know you got to try
Believe in you and I
Just take that chance
and we?! reach the sky
I think of you
every second of the day
I want to give you my hand
You know you got to try
Believe in you and I
Just take that chance
and we?! reach the sky
We're meant to be together
We're meant to be together
We're meant to be together
We're meant to be together
You're my dream
I was waiting for you
for all this time
I dream that we can
make it through time
And make each other dream
Of a better life
And be a part
of each others fife
Of each others fife
Let's do it together
Let's do it together
You rock the work!
Yeah, you rock
the world, girl
Let's do it together
Let's do it together
Let's do it together
Let's do it together
Yeah, feel me
Yo, come on
It's your homeboy Preach
in the building
And we vibing
And we having
a reef good time
Sing for me, girl
Gonna have a good time
Ain't gonna worry today
Let the sun shine
on my smile
Hope you can come my way
Gonna have a good time
Ain't gonna worry today
Let the sun shine
on my smile
Hope you can come my way
OK, yeah
You and I, we could
rule the work!
Spend the most paper
Kiss all of the pretty girls
It takes belief
in your one self
That's more powerful
than anything
You pullout
your one belt
- Hi! Bye!
Super late.
- Wait! I forgot
to make you lunch.
- No, I have history!
I gotta get a good seal.
- You want history.
Check this out!
- Ontario, where
General Vladekh Komenkho
was caught hiding in what
appears to be pigs manure.
- Oh, that's gross!
- World's most feared tyrant,
in his day,
as was his father.
- General Komenkho
vanished a decade ago
during a global initiative
to end his reign of terror.
- OK, gotta go!
- No, no! Lunch!
- Mom, you gotta
slop doing this, OK?
I'm not a kid.
You're smothering me!
- Ta-la-la, la-la!
Don't forget
to wear your helmet!
- Yeah, yeah!
Don't worry!
Let the sun shine
on my smile
Hope you can come my way
Gonna have a good time
Ain't gonna worry today
Let the sun shine
on my smile
Hope you can come my way
- The 3rd Canadian Division had
penetrated deeper into France
than the British
or American troops
and overcome greater resistance
than any other beachhead.
Except Omaha Beach.
Now turn to page 69.
This is crossing
into creepy territory, Jake.
- Oh, that's good!
I gotta get that.
- Let me know when you start
collecting her fingernails
and used tissues.
- So, instead of learning.
Mr. Bouchard would rather draw
pretty pictures of fair damsels.
Mr. Bouchard, me thinks
you would be better served
taking notes
than sketching portraits.
Me thinks old people
should be seen and not heard.
- Mr. Bernstein?
- Sir, yes, sir!
I asked my mom to give me
a note to skip this class.
But; "No! Exercise
is good for you!
"It'll help build
your muscles."
What muscles?
I have the muscles of a guy
who spent too much time...
- Whoa! 63.8 miles per hour!
New high school record!
- Hello! Earth to Jake!
Why don't you just put
us both out of our misery
and ask Angie out?
- Ask her out?
What are you, nuts?
I grew up with her.
I've known her since I was 4.
- Even better!
It'd be like dating
your own sister.
In not a creepy-dating-your-
own-sister kind of way.
- What? No! Forget it. I...
I haven't talked
to her in years.
She won't even...
notice me.
- You can start by
developing a personality.
- I have a personality.
- "Moody loner" is a red flag,
not a personality.
- Shut up!
- Craig's throwing this
huge party tonight!
Ask her to go with you.
- No, I can't.
- Why not?
- That is why not.
Todd Tomzak.
- You guys ready?
- You ever see
that guy play football?
He's like a human
killer machine.
- "Human Killer Machine"?
That's a good name for a band.
You've been blackmailed
You see that?
She cold-shouldered Todd!
You tried to be a superstar
Didn't work
You went way too far
Next time, listen to me
- Jake?
- Hey, Angie!
Oh, no, no, no!
Please, keep it!
- I'm not really hungry, so...
Um. so. earlier.
In Sterning's class.
That was me, right,
in the... that picture?
- Uh...
You know what?
It's funny that you act-ask me
that, actually, because, um...
Yeah.
- Um. can I see it?
- Yeah, yeah!
Uh, sorry. Um...
Um, here.
Wow! This is, um...
This is really good.
- You think so?
- Yeah. Can I keep this?
- Yeah, sure. Totally!
Uh... You really
like that?
- Well, I mean, it's...
It's no Picasso, but...
- Well, that's because
all of your body parts
are in the right place,
or so I assume.
Uh...
- Um...
- Yeah.
Uh, speaking of body pans
being in their right place,
you probably shouldn't tell
Todd where you got that.
- Todd? Oh, we broke up.
Like, 2 weeks ago.
- Does he know that?
Just because on the field
earlier, he seemed really...
- Oh, um, yeah, you know.
He's been trying to get me back,
but I'm not interested.
- Really? Really...
Angie, you know, uh, Craig is
having this big party tonight.
And I know this is
really late notice,
and I'm sure you have
plans with your peeps.
'Cause you probably have peeps.
But I was wondering if...
- Are you asking me
out on a dale?
- You're right.
That was a stupid idea.
Shouldn't have done it.
Why ruin our friendship, right?
- I mean, we haven't
really been friends
since we were 4 years old.
- You're right.
But something like
this could ruin it
for, like, another
13 years, so, I...
- Um, how about you.
Uh, pick me up? 8:00?
- Wha... Really?
- Yeah, 8:00. Does that
work for you?
- Yeah. 8:00 is good.
8:00 works.
- OK. I Will
see you at 8:00.
- Yeah.
- Um, Picasso, you are
cute when you're confident.
- Uh... Confident. Got it!
- OK!
- So, how did it go?
Did she reject you?
- What? I...
She said yes, man.
I mean...
- You're kidding!
I'm headed up
Hit it up
Hit it up
Hit it up
Hit it up
Hit it up
Hit it up, up
I'm headed up
Live it up
Live it
Live it up
Live it up
[have brought peace to a nation
that was racked by civil wan.
- What can you about the
thousands of civilians
that you had executed?
- It is a lie. That is a lie!
All of that is a lie!
AH of you, that is a He!
Your accusations... Ah! Uh...
- Mr. Komenkho,
are you all right?
It's a heart attack!
- Jakey, is that you?
- Yeah, it's me!
- It looks like Ge-
- I've been home for an hour!
Where have you been?
- Sorry, I was getting ready.
What do you think?
- Very handsome.
Thank you for remembering.
- Remembering what?
- About tonight.
- What are you talking about?
- Second and last Friday
of every month:
dinner with Grandpa.
- No. No, no, no.
Not tonight.
- Why not tonight?
- I have a date tonight.
- You can see Wendell
another time.
- It's not with Wendell.
It's with a girl!
Please don't laugh.
- Sorry.
Seriously.
Who's it with?
- You know her.
Angie Wagner.
- Little Angie Wagner?
How is she?
- She's a hard 10.
That's how she is.
And I'm like a soft 6.
- Seven.
- If I blow her off.
She'll never talk to me.
- Grandpa only gels out of
that awful old-folks home
twice a month
for dinner with us.
- We can do it tomorrow night.
Any other night. Please!
- No, no, no! Twice
a month. no canceling.
Old people need consistency.
Otherwise they get confused.
- He's already confused.
He thinks he's being watched.
- Being in the armed forces
has made Grandpa a little...
- Crazy?
- Jake Bouchard!
You can see little
Angie Wagner aflerwards.
Your dad's here with Grandpa.
- Yay!
- Be nice.
- So, what tall tales is Grandpa
gonna tell us tonight, huh?
Nazi zombies?
Communist garden gnomes?
- They were suspicious-looking
garden gnomes.
- Yeah, 'cause in this house.
That's totally normal.
Hey, Dad, what's Grandpa doing?
- Oh, you know, there is
a van parked by the Grossbergs,
and he won't get out of the car
because he thinks
it's a surveillance van.
- Are the Grossbergs
having a circumcision?
- Jake, cover the TV, oh,
and the... the... the blinds.
- Blinds.
- Blinds.
I can't
Believe we still do this.
- The televisions are covered?
- They sure are!
- The one in the kitchen loo?
- Yep!
- Well...
That, uh, surveillance
truck finally moved.
- Yeah, of course, Dad.
- Hi. son!
- Hi!
- Let's eat.
- Let's do it!
- OK...
Are you enjoying
your chicken, Dad?
- Yes.
- OK.
- Did I ever tell you
that Sanders, right.
He was the worst cook
our unit had.
- You knew Colonel
Sanders, Grandpa?
- Are you kidding?
You know, during the
Second Occupation of Cuba,
Private Sanders, he used to
shovel mule poop, right?
So, there was no, "Finger
lickin' good," you know?
Trust me!
And, um, basically.
I kind of invented the style
of Kentucky Fried Chicken.
- Hmm! Here we go...
- Me and my men...
Not my men.
A special unit I had.
We called them
Devil's Scum, right?
We decided we were gonna
ambush this supply truck.
It was right off
the coast of, uh, Cuba.
It was right off
the shores there.
So, we go hi! it.
Right? Nothing in it.
But the cab was
full of chickens.
We're starving to death, right?
So, I tell Sanders;
"Hey, get that spice rack!"
"Throw them in there," right?
So 13 spices
and, uh, herbs later.
History was being cooked!
Hmm...
You know, on the box here.
It says 11 secret
herbs and spices.
- Jake...
- No, he is correct.
Sanders look out one herb
and one spice, so that's 11.
And that's why I don't get one
royalty out of the whole deal.
- You know what?
Can we spend a little
more time eating
and a little less time
in fantasy land?
- Jake Michael Bouchard! Shhh!
I'm sorry, Dad.
Jake's anxious because
he has a dale tonight.
- Oh.
- Really?
Like, with a girl, or...
- Why is that so...
- Hatch yourself
a little hot chick?
- Yes, actually.
- Anxious to get out...
- Mom!
- Dad...
- OK. All right.
Listen. You have
some protection?
' Mom!
- Dad!
- What the heck!
What's the matter?
What? Are you ashamed?
Is there something
to be ashamed about that?
Well, that was awful.
- Mom, he's nuts!
He lives in a fantasy
world, and you guys...
He's doing it again!
He thinks the house
is full of microphones.
He's pulling Xs all over
the wall. It looks awful!
- I expect you to
offer him a full apology
when you drive him
to the nursing home.
- Drive him? No.
I'm not doing that.
I gotta take Angie!
- Your dad and I
are going to the airport.
I still have a
million things to pack.
- He's gonna ruin my dale
before it even starts!
- You're the only one
who can do it.
And you know your
grandpa won't take a taxi.
- Could we FedEx him?
Look, Angie.
I am so sorry.
I had no idea this
was happening tonight.
- It's fine.
It's nice that you
and your grandpa are close.
- Are you sure you're OK
to get to the party?
- Yes, totally! It's fine.
I'll meet you there.
- OK, great! Hey, try not to
have loo much fun without me.
- OK. Well.
No promises. Picasso.
- OK, bye.
- Hey, Grandpa, I just
wanted to, um, apologize
for what happened at dinner.
Tonight means a lot
to me, and I, uh...
I didn't mean to dis you...
Disrespect you.
- We getting hi!
Or something?
- Hello?
- Hey, Picasso!
Guess what? My ride died on me.
It's leaking oil or something.
- Yeah? Are you, uh, you OK?
- Uh, yeah. I look a shortcut
and ended up on Rambler Street,
right in front of the old
abandoned sock factory, so...
Not the best neighbourhood
to be stuck in.
Can you, uh, pick me up?
- Um... You know what?
I actually still have to
drop my grandfather off.
Could you give me.
Like, uh, 30 minutes?
- I can call Todd.
He's got a full set of tools.
- No! No, no, no!
No, no, no!
I'll, uh...
I'll be there.
Just, um...
Just don't move.
- Ah, that's my boy!
Battle of the Bulge, huh?
- Mmm... OK.
You know what, Grandpa?
When Angie gels in the car.
I need you to
just not talk. OK?
I just need you to be
my normal grandfather,
like everybody else's
normal grandfather.
Just for, like.
A few minutes. Please.
Grandpa, do you hear me?
- Uh, yeah, normal, uh...
normal grandfather.
- International reaction
to Krakhovian warlord
Vladekh Komenkho's
sudden death is mixed.
French president Jacques Dum...
- Komenkho, man.
I knew his father.
He was a terrible dresser. man.
But he had some
nice teeth, but, you know...
- This is where
she said she was.
- You sure about that?
- Yeah.
Yeah, there's
the old sock factory.
OK, let me call her.
What are you...
Oh God!
- This her phone?
- Yeah, it is.
Hmm... She must have
called the Auto Club.
And then dropped it somehow
when they picked her up.
- Yeah, here.
Hmm. Perfume...
gasoline...
and manure.
- What does manure
have to do with finding...
What are you doing?
- Looking for footprints.
Ah, there's more
than one of them too.
That's not good.
- What is that stuff?
- It's called luminol, kid.
Hey! Hey, where are you going?
Grand...
Grandpa!
- Over here!
- Crazy old man.
Hey! What are
you doing?
You can't just wander off
like that, all right?
- What are these
lire tracks doing here?
- Who cares?
- These are Goodyear EV330s.
Issued to government
vehicles only!
The same ones were
on the ambulance
and the SUV that
passed us earlier.
- OK. So, they're EV 30...
whatevers. Can we go now?
- I think your girlfriend
got herself mixed up
in something really bad.
- For the last time, Grandpa...
- Really bad.
- She's not my girlfriend.
And if I don't
get to that party,
she never will be, OK?
OK...
- What are you doing?
- Calling Wendell.
He's at the party. He's gonna
tell me that Angie is there.
- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait a minute.
I'll tell you what:
If she is at the party,
you take me to the home.
Feed me a tuna-fish sandwich.
Pa! me on the head.
And we're done!
If she's not there.
We do things my way.
Deal?
- Fine.
- Not fine, "deal."
- Deal.
- Yellow!
- Wendell! Are you at
the party? ls Angie there?
- No, she isn't.
Craig's folks didn't leave town.
Party's cancelled.
- What, are you
serious? Wha...
Do you... do you know
where she could be?
- I've got more
important things to do
than survey the whereabouts
of your girlfriend.
- She's not my
girlfriend, man, OK?
I'll (ilk to you later.
- Let's go!
- Where are we? And what
are we doing here?
- It's an underground
arms dealer.
These guys may
help us figure out
where they look your girlfriend.
- Yep, whatever
you say, Grandpa.
- You know what this is?
This is a spent shell from
a Tokarev automatic handgun.
- Where'd you get that?
- The ambulance lire tracks.
We're right there. Let's go.
- What's the password?
- The moon landing was a fake.
Automatics on this side.
Pack 'em up over there!
OK, close this one up.
- Don't touch that, kid.
Those are MID 69
super-EX mines.
Unless you'd like to be
barbecued to a crisp.
Boom!
- Come in!
Have a seal.
- Thank you.
- So, what can I do for you?
- Um...
You ever seen
any of these before?
- You a cop?
- Uh, military intelligence.
- Your kid?
- Grandson.
- Hello!
- Let me see that.
Tokarev, 7.6 mm.
Hmm. Nothing new.
- Did you unload
any of those lately?
- What's it to you?
- Well, you see.
My grandson here.
His, uh, girlfriend
got kidnapped
and, uh, I found that
right at the place
where we believe she got taken.
- And why should I care?
- Well, because in
about 10 seconds.
I'm gonna take down
this big gorilla of yours,
put the other goon away
and put this one in a coma.
Then when I ask you
the question again.
You'll be in a world of hurt.
- You know what I think?
- No.
- I think you should play nice
and go home with your grandson.
- Grandpa?
- OK.
See, I'll be! that
you're thinking:
"Who is this old man
standing in from of me
'Who's not afraid?"
Am I right?
And you're also thinking.
"What does this guy know
that makes him so fearless?
"He's crazy," right?
That's what most people
think: "He's crazy!"
But then again.
Maybe he's not so crazy.
Maybe he knows exactly...
what he's doing.
- All right, enough.
- Ah!
- Holy!
- Help the boss!
- Come on!
- Tell 'em to put them down.
- Put your guns down.
- Get up.
On the ground, boys.
Don't move anywhere.
Come here.
Now I'm gonna
ask you that question:
Did you move any
of those shells lately?
- Um, just last week, buyers
from out of town wanted some.
- And?
- And they took full crates of
automatics and weapons and ammo.
- You wouldn't happen to know.
Uh, anybody's name, would you?
- No, uh, some mercenary
from "Krishkrash." I don't know.
- Krakhovians?
- Yeah.
- Komenkho.
- Mm-hmm.
- The guy from the news?
- Son, you slay right behind me.
Boys, face the
other way and walk.
Don't look back.
Just keep walking.
Come on.
- Police! Everybody.
Hands where we can see them!
- Hands in the air!
- Hands in the air! Don't move!
- Sir, please
put your weapon down.
- Leave those two alone!
These... are "friendlies."
Good evening.
Major Crawford.
- How you been?
- Meh.
- Hey! You're the rabbi that...
- Mr. Bouchard...
I'm Captain Steinberg
with ASPIC.
Well, one might wonder
why we should find you here.
This is very unexpected.
- I want to talk
to Maddy Harcourt.
- Who's Harcourt?
- She's wailing for you.
Please. follow me.
- Come on. let's
follow protocol.
- Take off the cuffs.
Please leave us.
Mr. Bouchard...
- Oh, please, call me
Jake, or Jakey.
My grandpa calls me Jakey.
Um, where is my grandfather?
- Don't worry,
Mr. Bouchard. He's close.
I'm an old friend of his.
Madeleine Harcourt.
Your grandfather and I
served together.
- Oh. Uh, were you
one of the Devil's Scum?
- Excuse me?
- The Devil's Scum.
Uh, Grandpa's old
special forces unit.
- He told you he was
in a special forces unit?
- Oh, I... I won't,
like, say anything.
I'll... I'll keep it
to myself, I promise. Shhh!
- Uh, Mr. Bouchard, what else
did your grandfather tell you?
- Uh, where
do I start? Uh...
Let's see... He told me
about North Korea.
He told me about Mao
and how that Argo movie
was all wrong or something.
Uh, what are you guys
doing about Angie?
- Angie?
- Yeah, she's my...
Uh, we were supposed
to pick up a girl.
Her car broke down.
And then we got there.
She wasn't.
Grandpa thinks she's
mixed up in something.
She was kidnapped.
- Mr. Bouchard, did your
grandfather ever mention to you
that he received a Section B
from the military?
- Uh, I don't understand.
- Your grandfather hasn't been
on the active-duly
roster since 2005.
He was found
mentally incompetent.
- But he's not ment-
- Perhaps it was stress.
Maybe shell shock.
We had him on desk duly
for a few years.
But sometimes an idea pops into
his head and he runs with it
without realizing
how insane the idea is.
It's actually quite impressive
how detailed the fantasy world
is he can create.
- OK. But what about Angie?
She's still missing.
- You don't know where she is.
Doesn't mean she's missing.
We'll look into it.
I'm sure she's fine.
- I... The... the...
The shell casings!
He found 2 shell casings
at the place
she was supposed to be.
- Did you happen to see him
pick up those shell casings?
- Well. no.
- Part of your
grandfathers dementia
is that he collects all sorts
of odd bits of military junk:
spent shells, old scraps
of enemy uniforms...
He's probably been carrying
those shell casings around
for the last 20 years.
- So, he didn't lead
a raid on Mao's villa?
The French Foreign Legion.
The-the affair
with the double agent...
- All fantasies.
- Ah! I mean...
Wait. No, no, no!
He look down that big guy
at the garage where
the rabbi picked us up.
That guy was huge.
He used his bare hands.
You should have seen it!
It was amazing!
- Even old people.
When they have to.
When they need to, they can
turn it on for one last mission.
I know this is hard for you.
Your grandfather
loves you very much.
But he can no longer
function by himself.
Well, not until we get him
back on his medication.
- So, what happens to him?
- We're going to move him
to a veterans hospital.
In a few months, you'll
be able to see him again.
We've left word
for your parents.
I'm sure once they get it,
they'll come straight back.
Everything's going to be fine.
- Yeah, sure.
Take good care of him.
Mr. Bouchard...
- Hey! Hey, you guys, in there!
Hey! Look at me!
Look at me!
I am not moving. OK?
You get Madeleine Harcourt
to come in here.
I am not moving!
Take a look right here.
I'm gonna stand here like
a rock, OK, until I see her.
You got me?
Hey! Maddy.
I, uh...
- What? No salute for
a superior officer?
I'm a commander now.
- Oh! Then, um.
There you go, Commander.
Uh... You always did like
being on lop anyway, huh?
- My, oh my!
- Where, um...
Where is my grandson?
- We're taking good care of him.
- Well, I'm sure you are.
And the Angie Wagner situation?
- Uh, yes.
Jake's girlfriend.
We found her car in a garage
where she had it lowed.
She's probably having
a great time with her friends.
Sorry she stood up
your grandson.
He looks like a nice kid.
- He is.
Come on!
No, no, no, no!
- 911. What is the nature
of your emergency?
- Hello. My name
is Angie Wagner.
And I've been kidnapped.
Um... My car broke down.
And there was an ambulance
and these SUVs.
And they shot 2 people!
He did! That man from the TV.
- OK, Angie, calm down.
Tell me where you are.
- He... he... he saw me.
And he look me to, um...
I don't know. It's-it's...
It's somewhere by the water.
Look, I got out of the room
they were holding me in
and I got this phone.
But I don't know when
they're gonna be back...
- Tell me, Lou.
What were you thinking
blowing your cover like that?
- I wasn't thinking very much.
- That's the cover story
you chose, Lou.
We were ready to retire you
to a beach somewhere.
- Well, I never really
expected this night lo happen.
- Didn't you?
Coming up with that story
about Jake's girlfriend being
mixed up with the Krakhovians...
- That is what where
all the evidence points at.
- And on top of that,
he tells me you divulged
classified information.
And you told him about us.
- I... I told him about.
Uh, a double agent.
I didn't use your
name or anything.
But what's the difference?
He's used to his grandpa
telling him these wacky stories.
He never believed a word of it.
- He thinks you're
the greatest thing
since the personal computer.
- Really, huh?
Hmm...
- Tomorrow, we'll relocate
you to a safe house.
- Um, would it be all right if
I said goodbye to my grandson?
- What for? It'll just make
things harder for everyone.
Excuse me.
Yes?
- Officer, you're
needed in the control room.
I'll be right there.
I've got to go.
- Ah...
- Here. You've
got clearance.
- Oh...
- get yourself a cup of coffee.
Catch a nap
in the officer's mess.
We'll move you out
in a few hours.
- OK, thanks.
- I'm sorry it has to
be this way, Lou.
- Yeah, well...
OK, sweetie.
Thanks. That Angie Wagner thing.
You're sure about that, huh?
- She's fine! Quit
torturing yourself.
Gel some rest.
- I've been doing that
for years, you know.
- Oh, and, Lou...
don't do anything stupid.
- I'm getting loo old
for the game now.
- Come on. come on. come on.
- Ah!
- Whoa, whoa!
- Yeah! Ah...
- Oh!
- It's OK.
- Oh, you reek!
- In my country, we have saying;
"If you hide in vat
of manure for 3 days,
"you don't come out
smelling like the roses."
- OK!
- This does...
This does nothing.
Good night, budgie rabbit.
- We think it could be
from Komenkho's hideout.
- This just came in through 911.
- Play it.
- Hello! My name
is Angie Wagner,
and I've been kidnapped.
Um... My car broke down.
And there was an ambulance
and these SUVs.
And they shot 2 people!
He did! That man from the TV.
- OK, Angie, calm down.
Tell me where you are.
- He... he... he saw me.
And he took me to, um...
I don't know. It's... it's...
It's somewhere by the warez.
Look, I got out of the room
they were homing me in
and I got this phone,
but I don't know
when they're gonna be back.
- Call 911.
Give them our
clearance information.
Tell them it was
a training call.
- Yes. ma'am.
- Hey.
- Sir?
- I'm here to, um, bring the kid
back to Madeleine Harcourt.
Here you go.
OK, uh.
Let's go, Jake.
- What? No.
- Excuse me.
Come here, son.
Look, we don't have anytime.
I'll tell you about
everything later, all right?
- I know all about you.
- Yeah?
- The Section B and everything.
- It's not true.
- Madeleine told me.
- Look, quite a few
people in this world
would like to see my ass dead.
So they built this cover story.
Come on.
- No, man!
I'm not going anywhere with you!
Look, I'm tired of everyone
telling me what to do! OK?
- Listen, Angie is
in a lot of trouble.
- No, she's not.
Just because we can't find her
does not mean she is missing.
She must be fine.
- She is not fine.
And if we don't move.
And I'm talking about right now.
She's gonna be a lot
worse than not fine, OK?
Look at me.
I am not crazy.
- How do I know?
- You don't.
You don't. But you do know
that I'm your grandfather.
You know I'm kind of capable.
Look, as you get older.
You're gonna have a lot
of these moments.
And when they happen.
The best advice I can give you
is you listen to your
heart and your guts.
And you won't go wrong.
So...
What do you say?
- OK.
- OK.
- OK.
- Put up the interrogation room.
Zoom in.
Dammit, Lou!
Call security at the entrance.
I'm sure they can
slop Major Crawford.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Security.
- Aren't they looking for us?
- They are now.
How you doing?
- One moment, sir.
Are you Major Crawford?
- Uh, yes.
Yes, I am.
Are you, um. shocked
and unconscious?
That's the trouble
with this generation.
They have no stamina.
- Ma'am...
- Hey, so what are we
supposed to do?
They have our car keys.
- We don't need car keys.
I, uh...
I got my, uh...
- Bobby pin?
- No, it's the
original bobby pin.
It's my money clip,
my nose plug,
uh, temporary zipper repair
and my lock pick.
- Oh.
- Come on!
- Grandpa, there's a gate!
- Screw it! Hit it.
- Should we send men after them?
Ma'am?
- Angie got kidnapped
by Komenkho.
- Komenkho? No.
He's dead, remember?
- Here's what I think happened;
Angie's on the way to the party.
The car goes on the fritz.
She makes that phone call.
After the phone call, she hears
something from the alley.
She runs out.
She sees this ambulance,
but the patient, he's not dead.
No. He's very much alive.
- I see movement!
- This way!
- Run, run. run!
- In the trees!
So, they kidnap Angie
and they get her car towed.
- So, Komenkho faked
his heart attack.
- Well. I mean. he's
indicted on war crimes.
He's got to get out of here.
Angie's his insurance policy.
If we can hack
into the 911 system.
We can get her location.
That's it.
- We have to talk to Wendell.
' Who?
- Wendell. Trust me.
He's the guy.
- Hey, slop! Hey, hey!
It's Jake. It's Jake.
Look, we need you to hack
into the 911 phone system.
- Now?
- Yeah.
- It's impossible.
- Not for you.
- It's a government system.
Heavily encrypted.
Maybe if I had
my own terminal, I could...
- If we got a government
terminal, would you do it?
Get up!
- Let's go!
- Now?
- Yeah.
- What's going on?
- What?
Major Lou Crawford,
on my doorstep!
- How you been, Harry?
- You come to finally
pay up on that card game?
- I will. But I need
your help, all right?
- Well. come on in.
- Hi.
- Harry, we brought Wendell here
to hack into the 911 system
because we're tracing
a phone call.
- Meet the last
of the UNIVAC 2000s.
Built it myself, like
everything else in here.
- Jake, the calculator
on my phone
is more sophisticated
than this thing.
- Well, maybe the Japs have
got you fooled into thinking
that phone of yours
is the cat's teats.
But I ain't never met
a communications system
that could keep out
Old Reliable here.
- My phone's from Korea.
- Koreans make phones?
Well, what's next?
We make pals with the Cubans?
- Actually...
- Listen, if you want
to break into
a government system.
My UNIVAC is the
only game in town.
Let me show you
something else here.
Wait till you see this!
The 7th cup.
All from the same bag.
" Tea?
- Oh, uh...
- Tea? What about
my 911 call?
- Right, right.
Um... All right, boys.
You, go over there
and wait until I tell you
to throw that switch.
You, sit down here
and wait till I tell you
to push the button.
- OK.
- OK. get ready.
- This is safe, right?
- Well, we'll soon find out.
All right.
Flip the switch.
Press the button.
Everybody, cover your eyes!
Yahoo!
Whoo-hoo!
What's with all the car alarms?
- Electromagnetic surge!
It's to be expected!
Come on, Harry! Not again!
- I'll hear about
this in the morning.
- OK. Where's your
Wi-Fi code?
- Wh-what?
- Never mind.
I'll just improvise.
- Hey, Harry, what's that?
- Batteries.
Elon Musk's team design.
It can feed this entire
building for a month.
- If I can link your
computer to mine,
I should be able to establish a
connection to the 911 database.
I'm in!
OK, locating our time frame...
Let's see what we have.
My cat's stuck up
the tree! Now it's down again!
- My name is Angie Wagner and...
- Slop! That's it!
- Um... My car broke down.
And there was an ambulance
and these SUVs.
And they shot 2 people!
He did! That man from the TV.
- Komenkho?
- He saw me.
And he took me to, um...
I don't know. It's-Jr's
somewhere by the warez.
I got out of the room
they were homing me in
and I got this phone,
but I don't know
when they're gonna be back.
- No! Come on, you
got to find them, buddy.
Come on. please.
- I've retraced where
the signal came from.
- What do we do now, Grandpa?
- Let's get the rest
of the Scum.
- Boys, I want you to meet our
paratrooper and climbing fool.
This is Mother.
- Is he dead?
Ah!
- Is that you, Major?
Harry!
- Just please
let me go, Mr. Mother.
- Give us a little
love, brother.
- Help me up!
- What does it take...
' Hey. Wolf!
- Lou!
Harry!
- Wolf!
- Hey!
- Mother, you, uh...
This a surprise!
I mean...
- Oh, hey, boys.
This is, uh, Wolf.
He's our explosives expert.
- Hi!
- A man of the cloth...
Some things do change.
- Honey! Don't leave me hanging.
I've got a spec...
- Some things don't!
I'm sorry.
- Shhh, Shhh! Shhh!
- Grandpa, are you sure
we're supposed 10...
- Shhh, Shhh, Shhh!
- So, you've come to play games
with ol' Giovanni, huh?
I gotta tell you;
I play to win.
- Good evening, Giovanni.
- Major?
- I thought you were dead!
I don't think so, no.
No, but I'm a little older.
But, look, maybe you
can help me.
I'm looking for some
gun-crazed weapons engineer
and a-and a camo expert.
- Let me thing about it
for about a week.
- Do that.
- I'll get back to you.
- Uh-huh.
- Louis! Louis! Louis!
- I thought you were dead.
- No, no.
- Scum! It's the Scum!
You're all a bunch of scum!
That's what you are!
- Oh, man!
- And you're still alive!
And you're still alive!
- Yeah!
- You're all old people!
What did you do.
Empty out the rest home?
- You got anything
you want to confess?
- You can slick that
where the sun don't shine.
Who are the kids?
Gentlemen! Behold!
Averitable Geppetto's workhouse
of military wonders,
where the warrior in you
can find everything he needs
to achieve his greatest dreams.
- Hmm!
- Oh yeah!
- Oh.
- Hey! get away from that gun!
- I'm sorry!
- You ruined my coffee pol!
- I said I was sorry, OK?
It just looked cool.
- You ruined my coffee pol.
- That's loo bad.
That was really good coffee.
- OK!
At 7:45 this afternoon.
My grandson's girlfriend
was kidnapped by Krakhovians.
- Krakhovians?
- Komenkho.
- Oh boy!
- All right, so.
This is the warehouse
where they're holding her.
We got 4 entrances here.
What we have to do
is coordinate a strike
at each one of those entrances.
What we need to do first
is get 2 cameras
from these opposite corners here
to cover the whole place.
Now, along this west wall here.
There's a bunch
of these transformers.
And we'll need you
to, uh, sneak in there
and throw that switch off
for a diversion.
Pop it off.
- OK?
- Just pop it off?
- Yeah, pop it off.
ThiS...
- Mm-hmm?
- Is you.
You will zip line
from the lower to the roof.
And then rappel down
onto the south entrance.
- I'm not going up there!
- You were the best
wire man we had.
Please go there, alright?
Harry...
- Hmm?
- The north.
Which is the channel
you'll be coming through.
The north.
That's water
- In the water?
- That reminds me. I saw
one of them deep-diving suits.
- Yeah, I have that.
That's vintage, 1944.
- Nice!
- Uh, still works, I think.
- You think? What do
you mean, you think?
- Ah, 50-50.
I'm kidding you!
- Oh, OK.
- All right, Wolf.
Right outside the east side,
about 100, 200 yards
down the road.
There's this trolley.
I want you to load it up
with explosives
and run it into that door.
Splintering it
to smithereens, OK,
just like we did
in Saigon in '71.
- Oh. Whoa, whoa!
You're kidding, right?
- Do I look like I'm Kidding?
- Yeah.
- Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Take it easy, guys.
- I want to talk to you about.
Um, our assault vehicle.
What happened to the Scummobile?
- I sold it.
- Seriously?
- I'm sorry.
I needed the money.
- It's not your fault, OK?
Now, is there any chance
that maybe you got.
Uh, something else?
You got another
kind of vehicle or...
That means yes.
When you're smiling.
- Yes!
- Good.
I made it myself. Come here!
- Come on, boys! Let's go.
- Gentlemen!
- Wow!
An original 1979
Volkswagen Transporter 2.
This is awesome!
- Lou, what in Heaven's name are
we supposed to do with that?
- It could make
a great base camp.
- Are you serious?
- I kind of like it.
It looks pretty cool.
- But we gonna die!
- Are we out of our
Tricking minds here'?
- Hey, Wolf...
- Wolf, nothing!
In case you haven't
noticed, Major.
We're no youngsters anymore.
And I got myself a woman.
And I'm a priest.
And a damned good one!
- Maybe we want to think
this thing through.
Let's sleep on it, all right?
- I don't sleep good anymore.
I pee 8 times a night.
Six in the toilet.
- I... I don't think this
is a good time for this.
- Enough of that! OK?
Forget this crazy talk!
We should all go home.
Forget this night ever happened.
Look, I love you guys.
You're gonna do
what you're gonna do.
May God go with you.
I'm out of here.
- I think Wolf has a point, Lou.
- It's... I...
I... Uh...
- No.
- Another lime.
Another place, fellas.
Drop in to my church.
It might do you some good.
- Bye.
- What, that's it?
This is the Devil's Scum
I've heard so much about?
The men who assassinated Hitler.
Who fronted the Tel Offensive?
That's it?
You know what? Just go.
Leave. But I will never
forget this night.
You want to know why?
'Cause this is the night
that I learned about bravery.
And I learned it from
hearing stories about you men.
The Devil's Scum!
Look, my generation.
We have no idea
how good we have it.
OK, we... we... we text
on our smartphones.
We update our statuses
on Facebook.
We... we listen to our music
in the Cloud.
All without realizing
that this world is a safer place
because of men like you.
Men who fought so that kids
like me could be free
lo-lo text and tweet
and "like" and "poke."
OK, you know what I said today?
I said that old people
should be seen and not heard.
- It's true. I heard it.
I thought it was
very disrespectful.
- Well. I was wrong.
Old people have a lot
to leach my generation.
One thing they don't have to
leach us is how to quit.
'Cause we already
know how to do that.
You know, the Devil's Scum.
You guys look on the world when
the world was a dangerous place.
Well, you know what? The world
is still a dangerous place.
And now more than ever.
We need heroes.
There's a girl
in trouble tonight...
big trouble.
And she needs you.
She needs the Devil's Scum.
So go on.
Leave. Quit.
Do what you want to do.
But I know 2 people
who aren't gonna quit.
Right, Grandpa?
- That's right, son.
- Wrong.
There's 3 of us.
- What do you say, boys?
A chance to go out
on our shields.
Come on.
Wendell?
- As long as I'm home
before breakfast.
Mom's making
chocolate-chip pancakes.
- Nobody pulls us apart.
Not before we break them apart!
- All right.
The sun's coming up.
- Mm-hmm.
- Up jump the Devil, boys.
- Thank you, sir.
You sure you boys
want to be here?
- Well, I'm so scared.
I might pee in my pants.
- Yeah, I'm all in.
I'm loo old for this.
- Mother, you all
clear up there?
- Eagle eye. Two birds
on the roof.
- Cage them all.
All of them.
- Copy that.
Sleep well. soldiers!
Harry,
there's 2 coming towards you.
Don't blow any bubbles, OK?
- Roger that!
Where am I going again?
- The eyes are on.
- Roger.
- It's exposed here.
Watch for me.
- East/south eyes...
are hot.
- Copy that.
Gio. Don't move!
You got a guy coming-
- Hey, zoom out.
- Am I clear?
- Yeah, you're ab' clear:
Now tum off that switch.
- All right. Here I go.
- Eagle Eye! You
ready to fly, brother?
- Oh yeah!
- Hey, it's working.
- It's time...
- Yeah? OK.
What do I do if you need help?
- Um, it'll come to you.
- Hey, Grandpa...
- Yeah?
- Be careful.
- Thanks.
- Whoa! No.
Oh, please!
Don't look down!
Don't look down.
Oh, I looked down.
No! Ah! Oh!
There goes my last kidney.
All right. Got you!
Oh, I gotta get up!
Oh my goodness.
Ah!
- Ah!
It's easier with cartilage.
- OK! Here we go.
Real simple...
Oh, my back!
- Why isn't he
flicking the switch?
- Lord, please protect Lou
so I can kill him myself!
- Gio! Come on.
What the heck's going on?
- Lou, hold on a minute.
A slipped disc.
Ah, two inches.
- Harry?
- Oh!
- Which one of those
tanks did you take?
- The one with the...
The one with the smiley face!
- That's happy gas, you idiot!
- I want you out
of the water right now!
- Come on. come on!
General, there is
some activity in the water.
Something going on down there.
- We might got some troubles.
- Troubles?
- Troubles!
You don't know
that word, "troubles"?
Idiot! You know
that word?
- Idiot. Copy.
- You know that word?
Yeah...
- Hey, hey!
S-s-something's going on.
Looks like the...
The guards have been alerted.
- All right. We'll use that
as a distraction.
Now go!
- Roger that.
OK, they're gone! Ah!
- Hands up.
' Hmm? '
- Turn around!
- Ah!
- Whoo!
- Hmm... Uh...
- How you doing?
- Can one of you guys
help me out of this thing?
Gio! How are you?
- Not so good. You?
- Oh, pretty good.
Not bad.
- Grandpa, they're all busted.
- Are you sure?
- Yeah. Well, I'm not sure about
Mother, but the others are.
What do we do?
- Just stay in that truck, OK?
I want you to stay
in that truck.
Do that for me please, OK?
I'll take care of it.
Grandpa? Grandpa?
We gotta do something.
- We can't fight
the Krakhovians.
We got midterms next week.
What are you doing?
- What does it
look like I'm doing?
Come on...
- No, I...
- Hey, no!
I'm slaying, you're slaying.
- Oh.
Hey, you don't even
know my name, man.
- This?
- Batteries for my pacemaker.
- "Pissmaker"?
- "Pacemaker".
- Pissmaker!
Pissmaker!
I didn't know.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever,
you Krakhovian cabbage.
- Shut!
- You shut!
- You shut!
- Shut you!
- Leave him alone!
- Welcome!
Welcome.
Welcome.
Who are you old men?
- Nobody you'd care to know.
- Nobody! Oh!
"Nobody," says the man
in the green bush.
Hello!
Hey!
And you are here
to do what, huh?
Arrest me? Oh!
What are you
old fools thinking, huh?
Come on, guys.
Is this a joke? Huh?
Is this a joke?
I love jokes. What?
This is
a joke. Come on!
- We're soldiers.
- Oh, Oh!
Is that so? Hmm.
And from what century?
And your commander?
Oh! OK, I see.
All for one and one
for all the old farts, huh?
Oh come on, bunny rabbit!
You don't like that? Ah!
I really hope you guys
wear your old-man diapers.
Hold your fire!
Hold on! Take it easy.
Easy, big guy-
- Ah, thanks, Lou!
Ah!
- Angie, are you all right?
- Who are you?
- Uh, Lou Crawford.
- Wait. What, what.
What, what, what?
What, what, what?
Major Lou Crawford?
The Major Lou Crawford?
- The... Will you slop that?
I'm trying to have
a conversation here.
- Oh. Sorry, Lou.
- Come on!
- Sorry.
- Yeah.
The Major Lou Crawford?
The same Major Lou Crawford
the KGB called...
Canuckian?
- Crazy Canuck. Yeah!
So you know about me, huh?
- I received my military
education in Stalingrad.
Your exploits were
required reading.
- I'm honoured.
- Don't be.
I was sent
to Stalingrad to study
after my father was
killed in action,
by You.
- It's official. We're hosed.
- You probably don't even
know who my father was.
- I pretty much remember
almost everybody I killed.
He wasn't a very nice guy.
- He had a family!
- He had a brother? Sister?
- Younger sister! She teaches.
Uh, children how to swim.
- Mother?
- Of course!
- Well, your father.
He should have thought
of you poor people
before he tried to buy
that enriched uranium
from one of my spies.
- Mmm... I killed
that spy a few years ago.
E-e-excuse me!
You mind if we go and sit down
while you have
your pissing contest?
- Yeah, no, that's all right.
Yeah, it's OK. Yeah.
- Thank you.
- Yeah, I'm good
with that. You?
- Yeah, yes.
- OK. Sure.
- Look, we all know
that you faked your death
and that you're trying to
get out of the country.
So, in the nicest way.
I'm asking you:
Why don't you let
this poor girl go?
- I would hope that
your superiors know.
They helped me plan my escape.
- Maddy...
- Maddy! Maddy...
Yeah, call it a little payback
for all the help I gave ASPIC
in the early '90s.
I helped you take down
the Berlin Wall.
Now you help me get away
from all those, um.
Unpleasant war-crimes trials.
I don't like them!
I don't like those.
You know? You know?
But they just don't know that
I'm going to kill all their men
and leave the country on my own.
But I'm crazy like that!
Crazy like that
Crazy like that
Uh-huh!
Our ride is here.
What does he mean, "our ride"?
- Don't worry.
They can't shoot us here.
It'd leave loo much evidence.
They'll get caught
before they leave.
- Very good, Major.
Man, you still got it.
Or I just shoot you now
and take my chances with ASPIC.
- Oh, aisle seal, please.
- Don't you have a backup plan?
- I... I... I think so, yeah.
- It's the lighter!
- Angie!
- Jake? Jake!
- Ah!
- Take cover!
- Mother!
IT'S A DUD!! IT'S A BLUFF!!
- Cheap commie crap!
Whose side are You on?
- Hey! Hey!
- I'm sorry. Lou!
- Kill them.
- Angie!
- Jake!
- Jake!
- Hold on! I'm coming!
- Let me go!
Jake!
We'll be back!
- Wish me luck.
- Huh?
- Mr. Wolf!
- How about me?
- Giovanni!
- Meet your maker!
- Jake!
- No, no, no!
Ah! Ah!
Crazy like that
Uh...
Canuckian.
I'll take you upstairs
for insurance. Yeah.
Come on, bunny rabbit.
Up! Up!
Move.
What are you waiting for?
Go get him!
Let me go!
Come on! Let's get
some carrots.
- Stay here!
- Yeah, I can do that!
- Where is the old man?
- How you doing, Harry?
- They're gonna get
a big charge out of this.
- Well, hurry up!
- Whoa, that was close!
- Grandpa?
- That's right.
That's right.
- Let me go!
- Oh!
- Let me go.
You stinking pig!
- You little witch!
If you cannot break the spirit,
break the body. Come on!
Come on!
Come on! Don't be scared.
It's OK. Come on!
- Komenkho!
Hey, you OK?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Angie? Angie!
- Jake? Jake!
What are you doing here?
- I came with my
grandpa to get you.
- That old man is your grandpa?
- Isn't he awesome?
- We have to go!
He's on the 2nd floor.
- Do you know where?
- Yes!
- Hello, kittens!
- Back, back, back!
- Hello, kittens!
- Angie?
- Yeah?
- Batter up.
- Yeah.
- I know what you're
thinking right now.
You're thinking to yourself:
'Why isn't this kid
scared of me?"
Am I right?
Of course I'm right.
You're thinking; "What does
this kid know that I don't know
"that's making him so fearless?
"Maybe he's insane.
"But maybe, just maybe, this kid
can take care of himself."
- Oh.
- Hey! Are you OK?
- Are you OK?
- I'm fine.
- How... how did you find me?
- Grandpa.
- What-what about your grandpa?
- I'll tell you about it later.
- Oh.
Hows that for confidence?
- That was good.
- Not bad, huh?
- I liked it.
That was good.
- Grandpa?
- Let's go.
- Ah!
, I'm empty!
- Don't ask me. I'm out!
- Time to put her on!
Ah! Switches...
Ah! I think I'm ready.
It's getting hot!
- Harry, do your magic!
- Wait! What?
Pissmaker...
- Harry! I love you, Harry!
- God works in wondrous ways
with a little help
from you, Harry!
- I knew you could do it!
- This way!
This way!
- No, no, no!
Wait, wait, wait!
- What?
- Follow me. Come on.
- Oh.
Ah!
- Hey! Grandpa, you OK?
- I think so.
- Watch out!
- I kill you all.
Bluff!
- A backup plan.
They're 2 MID 69
super-EX mines,
and they'll barbecue
your ass to a crisp.
- What are you? Some kind of
big soldier now, huh?
- Nope.
- Huh?
- Major Lou Crawford's grandson.
- They're only smoke bombs?
- Yeah. I lied!
- That's my boy!
You guys slay there.
Do not move.
OK.
- Excuse me.
- Ah!
Ah!
- Come on.
Hey! You OK?
- Oh!
" Oof!
- Yeah.
- Well, that probably hurt.
- Ah! Good job, son.
I'm proud of you.
- Well, I've learned
from the best.
- What did you say to me?
No, I got it.
I got it.
No, I'm not that old.
I get it. OK.
- Who was that, Lou?
- Uh, Harcourt. She's, uh.
Right outside here somewhere.
So, uh, again.
Boys, good job.
- Ah! It was fun, Lou!
A walk in the park.
- Only next time, Lou, make the
mission a little bit difficult.
- That was awesome!
Hey, do I get a cigar loo?
- When you start
shaving, Einstein.
The scene is secure.
- Copy that.
- Hey, Jakey! Introduce us
to your girlfriend.
Uh, yeah. Angie.
This is Scum.
Scum, this is Angie.
And she is not my girlfriend.
- Like hell I'm not!
Come here.
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
- Nice!
- Little boy's growing up!
- Nice!
- Angie, if I were
60 years younger...
- Hey!
- Is that Madeleine Harcourt?
- No fatalities.
- My, she's a hot one!
- I wish I was 70 again.
- Yeah!
- My, oh my, Lou!
What have you done?
- Exactly what you
wanted me to do, dear.
- Figured it out, did you?
- Yeah, I was a little.
Uh, little late on that.
But I started thinking
and I was wondering,
and then it came to me.
How the heck did I get
out of that agency
with the kid, so fast, so easy?
How did that happen?
- Just because some
politician tells me
I have to help the bastard
get out of the country,
it doesn't mean I
have to get in the way
of someone trying to slop him.
- Yeah, well, you could
have got us all killed.
- It was a risk I was
willing to take.
He had the girl, and there was
nothing I could do to help her.
- You almost got
my grandson killed!
- Who told you
to bring him along?
Lou, darling.
We've seen so much
action together.
Let's put this behind us.
Everyone's fine;
your grandson. your men...
It's been a good mission.
Just like the old days.
- Like the
old days. Exactly!
- Medic!
- What's going on over there?
- What the heck?
- Grandpa!
- Are you OK, sir?
- What's wrong with him?
He's going into cardiac arrest.
Bring a stretcher!
- Get him to an ambulance now!
- Grandpa, you're gonna be OK.
- You got him?
- Wait, wait, wait!
- Don't be scared, son.
- I'm sorry. We have to go.
- Move! Move!
- Dock him in.
Go straight in.
- No, no, no.
Jake, you stay here.
It's better. Better.
- Go. ma'am.
All clear.
Close them up.
- We'll see you back
at the house, OK, Jake?
- Take your time.
Such a great guy.
- How are you doing?
- I'm fine.
- Really?
- No.
- Jakey, you got a moment?
- I'll see you back
at the house, OK?
- Yeah.
- She's a great gal, Jakey.
- Only one at school
worth fighting for.
- Yeah, me and the boys,
uh, we were talking.
There's something
about your grandfather
we think you should know.
- You see...
When your grandpa was
released from active duly...
they wanted to relocate him
lo a place like
the Bahamas or Switzerland
so he'd be safe.
You know, all those villains
were after him, like Komenkho.
But he wouldn't go.
- Grandpa never could
run from a fight.
- We... we ran from
lots of fights, him and us.
That's why we all
made it as long as we did.
- Your grandfather wouldn't
leave because of you.
Me?
- He wanted to be close to you.
- It was his idea to...
lo fake being senile.
End up in a nursing home.
Perfect cover!
So the bad boys
would feel sorry for him
and, uh, leave him alone.
And it...
Hell, it worked.
- He kept up the act...
all those years.
Just to see you grow up.
- We only took him out of
that home twice a month.
- Yeah, well, that was
good enough for him.
He, uh, wanted you
to have these.
- And these...
You're family now, kiddo.
Nothing pulls us apart.
- We thought you should know.
- Thank you.
Up jumps the Devil.
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
- So, what's the
plan tonight, Picasso?
- Oh, let's see...
- Mm-hmm.
- I come to your game...
- OK.
- Watch you beat the snot
out of Westmore Academy,
and then take you
out to celebrate?
- Done!
- And my parents aren't home.
- Oh, well, maybe
we could, um...
- Hey! What an
adorable couple!
- Grandpa?
- Nice!
- Grandpa!
- Hey, kid!
- Hey!
- Hi, Angie!
- What is this? I mean,
you're supposed to be...
- Dead!
- Yeah!
- Yeah, officially, I am,
but I got to tell you.
It's very liberating.
- I... I don't understand.
Uh, how?
- Well, uh, the lunatic asylum
I was in over there...
I hated it at the nursing home.
So Maddy was gracious
enough to get me out.
So, "dead," now.
Is my, uh, cover.
- You pulled a Komenkho
and faked your own death?
- Yeah, but see.
That guy,
he got a beautiful nice
funeral out of it.
You know what I mean?
- I, uh... Mom!
Grandpa, we gotta tell Mom!
- Oh, no.
No, no. No.
Uh, let me get settled
for a little while.
And we'll bring her up to speed.
You know, once
I get settled, OK?
- Well, where are you going?
- Well, I'm, uh...
- Coming, darling?
Hi, Mr. Bouchard!
- Hi, Ms. Harcourt!
- Yeah, she's, uh, she's got
a little farm down in Mexico.
No televisions.
No TVs. no minivans.
Pigs, ducks, you know, sun,
a few of the blue pills...
Perfect, right?
- You are something else.
You know that?
- Yeah, man!
- Oh, by the way...
- No, no, no!
Keep those, you know.
In case I feel, like, bored.
And I want to come
out of retirement.
- OK.
- I gotta go, you guys.
- OK, yeah.
' Bye. gorgeous!
- Bye!
- And, um, I will, uh, text
you guys in a little while.
- Oh! Hey, Grandpa.
By the way...
What are you gonna do on a farm?
What do you know about
chickens, pigs or goals?
- Let me tell you something.
If I can destroy Death Star
and save the galaxy...
- Star Wars? Really?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
- Lucas, that bum, he took
2 planets, changed the names...
- So, legally, it became
a different story.
- Exactly. That's why I
don't get one cent of royalties.
- That guy...
- That guy!
I got to feed some of the...
When life is about to give
you what you want
You really need to
give it all you have
You know you got to try
Believe in you and I
Just take that chance
and we?! reach the sky
I think of you
every second of the day
I want to give you my hand
You know you got to try
Believe in you and I
Just take that chance
and we?! reach the sky
We're meant to be together
We're meant to be together
We're meant to be together
We're meant to be together
You're my dream
I was waiting for you
for all this time
I dream that we can
make it through time
And make each other dream
Of a better life
And be a part
of each others fife
Of each others fife
Let's do it together
Let's do it together
You rock the work!
Yeah, you rock
the world, girl
Let's do it together
Let's do it together
Let's do it together
Let's do it together