Undrafted (2016) Movie Script
( ROCK MUSIC FADES UP )
( MUSIC STOPS )
Sure the groundskeeper
came today?
It's beautiful...
it's beautiful.
Hey.
Any word?
What round?
All right, let me know
if you hear anything.
29th.
Plenty of time, not even
worried about it.
( RAP MUSIC PLAYING )
What?
'Cause he's focused around
them chunky girls
Who puff it raw
it's what they cause
( MUSIC STOPS )
What?
I told you to roll down
your window.
I hate you.
I love you.
He's grumpy.
Hey! Any news?
No.
Ah...
I can smell it in the air,
it is a baseball day.
I'm ready for this day,
are you ready?
I've never been more ready for
anything in my entire life...
Garvey, let's get 'em!
Yes.
Hey, Dells, you got some duct
tape on your window.
Wasn't sure if you were
aware of that?
Oh, yeah, thanks, Vinnie.
Uh, where is-- where's your car?
Is your mom picking you up
today?
No, your mom said she'd do it.
What's up?
Oh, that's cute. Cup check.
Oh!
Titanium steel, man. That's
double-layered right there.
I don't know if you're serious,
but my mom can pick us up...
after the game, if you need
a ride, get some grub after.
We're gonna be so starving.
Oh, I want to tell you guys
about this new stretch.
Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie--
What, Garvey?
I got this new stretch
I want to show you guys--
Aw, sh--
You all right?
Yeah, I'm good. No, I want
to show you a new stretch.
Oh, my gosh.
Can we take the stairs
next time?
They're right over there.
No.
So hot.
Where the hell is everybody?
I told them to get here early,
so we can get a little BP.
That means batting practice.
I called everyone last night.
Swear to god, Ty,
I called everyone.
I don't know
why they're not here.
I actually feel like my lungs
are sweating... is that bad?
No, it's actually a good thing.
Keeps your muscles loose during
the game, keep 'em loose.
Is that how muscles work,
Garvey?
Most of them, yeah.
Yo, what's up, boys? What's up,
Vinnie? What's up, Dil.
Where have you guys been?
You're late!
Nobody's even here yet,
Ty, relax!
The groundskeeper ain't even
came yet.
Actually, he did.
That's sad.
So? what's the word?
You heard anything?
32nd round, last we heard.
Are you kidding me?
Seriously?
Should have been a 15th rounder,
at least.
Peanut butter jelly time
Peanut butter jelly time
Peanut butter and jelly
Peanut butter and jelly
Peanut butter and jelly
and a baseball bat
Peanut butter and jelly
Peanut butter and jelly
and a baseball bat
Peanut butter and jelly
You're late!
Peanut butter and jelly
and a baseball bat
Hey, guys, does this shadow make
me look like I have a huge cock?
You're late, Polacco!
In his defense, he is a
seventh-year junior.
So that is kind of his thing.
Yeah, you still working on that
doctorate, Polacco?
Hm?
Uh-oh, look at what you done.
Don't do it.
It's coming.
Don't do it.
It's coming.
Go back a little bit.
Come on, lick it.
There's too much wrong...
not tonight, not tonight, bro.
What's up?
What's up, Murray?
What's up, did you talk to him?
Yeah, he get a call?
35th round, I haven't heard
a fucking thing.
Not even a phone call?
The Padres guy that was scouting
him... the Mets guy?
I said, "Not a thing," Dells!
Can't sit here and think
about it, all right?
Let's get warmed up.
Let's do some stretches.
What, nobody wants to stretch?
For this game, Ty?
If, by stretch,
you mean have another beer...
then I'll gladly stretch very
hard with you, Ty.
Hey, no, no, absolutely not,
nobody listen to him.
Nobody's drinking beer! It
dehydrates you, motor skills!
Gone, forget about 'em.
Shut up, Garvey.
Dells, you have to stretch,
'cause you're my little brother.
You have to come.
And Vinnie you're my
brother-in-law...
so you have to come, too.
Not your brother-in-law yet.
Also, don't know how to stretch,
thus, I will be staying here.
Come on.
Come on, I'm gonna show you
that stretch.
Vinnie, you should really come
out, I'll show you the stretch.
I'll be right out.
I'll be right out.
Go get 'em, guys.
Go get 'em, guys.
Go get 'em... nap time.
Look at Fotch. Pushing 40,
still doing his drills.
He's actually 33.
Oh, good, Barone showed up.
Only need like one shot, then--
Okay.
Knock it out of the park.
So you're gonna be up
there like ten times, then?
Yeah.
Okay.
I wonder if he actually knows
what's going on with Maz?
The only thing he knows about is
what's going on in the mirror.
How do my eyebrows look?
They're good.
Not too bad?
No, they're good.
I'm here! I'm here,
I'm here, I'm here!
I'm here, sorry I'm late.
Uh, it's all right, David, I
forgot you were on the team.
Hah... okay,
I was watching the draft.
Late in the 37th, and he hasn't
been picked yet.
You wanna stretch?
Am I starting?
Probably not.
Nah, I'm good, then.
I'll see you guys in there?
Yeah.
All right.
You've got to be kidding me.
What?
They rented a bus?
( MUSIC PLAYING )
They rented a fucking bus?
Who the hell are these guys?
This isn't the team
we beat this season.
This is a whole bunch
of new guys.
They brought in ringers.
You see this shit?
I don't get it. What happened?
This is a whole, new team.
We played four of these guys
this season.
That's Tommy Dorehty,
he was drafted last year.
He plays for double- A Scranton.
The Phillies are grooming him
to be a closer.
And that's Michael Antonelli,
he throws 93...
and he got drafted this year.
All these kids, they're all D1.
BC, LSU, Villanova?
Oh, this is a bunch
of horse shit!
Horse shit. Horse shit.
You know, my uncle knows
Don Mattingly.
Why don't we call him up,
see if he wants to play, huh?
See, what I don't understand,
bro, is how they get that money
for that bus?
How come we don't have that
money for this bus!
( ALL YELLING )
( PHONE BEEPING )
Guys.
Guys!
My dad just texted me.
The draft is over...
he didn't get picked.
What?
Damn it.
It ain't right...
the kid can play.
Well, fuck it.
He can go to open tryouts,
play the independents...
and he can still make it.
Come on, Polacco you know
how unlikely that is.
Ruin my fucking day!
How many of you guys
play with him in college?
He was the best player
I've ever seen...
just one clutch hit
after another.
Even three days ago,
he got the game-winning hit.
Only reason we're playing
in this game.
What's up, you peter-puffers?
Who fucking died in here?
Maz didn't get drafted.
He didn't get drafted?
Oh, my god!
Man, that fucking sucks.
I mean, I know all about that...
because the same thing happened
to me last year...
the exact same thing.
The Yankees and the Red Sox were
coming to scout me like crazy.
Gave me the old reach around.
Yeah, didn't matter, I hurt my
wrist, really tweaked it.
You know, I lost millions
off that.
Definitely woulda been drafted
if that didn't happen, right?
Right? You guys don't know shit.
[UMPIRE HAZE]
All right, bring it in!
Dells.
All right, guys, my name is Fred
Haze, and this is Tim Donnelly.
And we are here for the--
what the hell are we here for?
Okay, here's why I'm ruining
my Saturday.
We are here for the semifinal
playoff game...
for the Orange County,
Duchess County...
Ulster County and Westchester
County Mid-Summer--
Jesus... Mid-Summer Intramural
Amateur Baseball Association.
Sponsored by the Knights
of Columbus. Is this a joke?
No, it's the fourth annual.
Well, how many teams
are in this league?
Six.
Six?
No, seven, but one was disbanded
due to a lack of interest.
And everybody makes the
playoffs?
Yes.
Okay, today's game is between
the visiting Bulldogs...
and the hometown D-Bags.
D-Backs!
I'm sorry?
D-Backs.
What'd I say?
You said D-Bags.
Okay, D... Backs.
What's a D-Back?
D-Backs, like Diamondbacks,
like the Arizona Diamondbacks.
Why didn't you just name
yourselves the Diamondbacks?
'Cause it was too many letters.
Can we please just move on?
Okay, here are the rules.
We all know what this is,
it's a casual summer league.
Okay, everybody is here just get
a work out in and stay in shape.
Okay, so here's the main rule;
no collisions.
Nobody is looking to get hurt.
No cleats up, no take outs, no
running over the catcher.
If anybody does any
of these things...
it will result in an immediate
ejection, am I clear?
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Wonderful, now these are seven
inning games, not nine.
The winner of this game
and the other semifinal...
will advance to the regionals
in Ocean City, Maryland.
Any questions?
Yeah, who the fuck are you?
I'm Alex Ca --
Ah! I know who you are.
You're that hot shot center
fielder out of Florida State.
What the fuck are you
doing here?
Just relax, dude.
There's nobody here who
isn't supposed to be here.
Bullshit! None of these guys
were here a week ago.
Everybody here was listed
on our original roster.
There you go, Ump.
Their dues were paid by either
themselves...
or by somebody on their behalf.
All the documents are here,
Happy.
There's like 50 fucking names
on this roster!
There's nothing in the rule book
about a maximum roster size.
This is a bunch of horse shit!
You're gonna let this happen?
You want to get a lawyer?
Oh, this is a bunch
of horse shit!
That's-- just gonna--
sorry.
I told you we shouldn't
call 'em D-Backs.
Shut up, Garvey!
He's very passionate.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
There's no shame in that.
That's real strength.
You know, you don't have to do
this if you don't want to.
It's been a rough couple days.
I'm sure they'll understand.
I mean, I don't even think
they care about this game.
You know, it could be a good
idea just to...
take a little break from
baseball for a while, you know?
I mean, God knows
you've earned it.
Right?
I mean... right?
Let's play ball.
It's audacious is what it is.
You know? It's audacious!
You just learn that word, Ty?
Oh so this doesn't bother you?
Of course, it does, man.
It's-- it's Bush League.
Yes!
Yeah.
Exactly! It's Bush League!
It's--
What's up, guys?
Hey, what's up, Maz?
Sorry, I'm late.
No, it's fine. It's fine.
I wasn't sure if--
I'm glad you're here.
I wanted to go over
the line up with you.
Okay.
Come on.
They brought in a bunch
of stud horses today.
It's gonna be hard
to beat them.
It's gonna be like
the '27 Yankees...
versus the fucking
Lollipop Guild.
Ouch!
Okay, Ty! We get it!
It's because we're short,
we get it!
So what I was thinking is,
even though we usually bat...
you third, we're gonna
put you first...
so you can get up as many times
as possible, but only if...
you're all right with that,
if you think it's smart.
Ty.
I know you like to get in third
and drive in a bunch of runs.
but I'm thinkin' if that
we put speed in at the bottom--
Ty!
Yeah?
You can bat me first, you can
bat me ninth for all I care.
You can make me bat boy,
it doesn't matter.
You don't have to come to me.
I just, thinking with the
whole draft thing...
I thought it might...
take your mind off of it.
You thought you'd get my mind
off baseball by talking to me...
about baseball at a baseball
game?
It isn't working?
Look who's coming.
Schwartz. Hold on, hold on.
That is the biggest Bush league
move I've ever seen, man!
You can't just pull a bunch
of guys off the street...
and start a new team just
because it's the playoffs!
Ty-- Jesus--
We were teammates for three
years at STAC!
I know, Ty! I get it.
I came over to say I understand
why you're upset.
It's not my team. All right,
it's not my roster.
I don't make the rules... Jesus.
Maz, I also came over to say
I'm sorry about the draft.
You deserved it.
I'm sorry, too.
It really sucked.
Ice cream! Get your
ice cream here, boys!
Ice cold ice cream,
get it while it's hot!
We get ice cream?
Duh, bro, Maz eats ice cream
before every game.
We realize it's the secret
to his success.
So we're gonna do that now, huh?
Of course, it's playoffs.
We need the competitive
advantage!
Well, back off, back off, hey,
stop crowding!
Stop crowding, all right?
Maz gets to pick first.
Maz which one do you want?
I think I'll skip today.
What? Maz, you gotta have your
rainbow sprinkles, bro!
I just don't want it.
He doesn't fucking want it,
then leave him alone,
he doesn't have to have it.
Okay, but what if it creates
a fissure...
in the space time continuum?
Serious, Maz,
I got like three extra.
Well, thank God I'm here.
I mean really, the things I do,
excuse me.
There we go, that is it.
There we go.
Oh... that's it.
My bad, thanks, David.
All right, guys, listen up!
I gotta figure out the line up.
Who doesn't want to play today?
Oh, ha-ha, yeah. Very funny.
Seriously, I gotta sit
someone out. Who's it gonna be?
I'm nursing a pretty aggressive
hangover...
so I'll nominate myself.
All right, good, and
Jonathan's pitching...
so he's not in the lineup.
Whoa, whoa, Dells is pitching?
Yeah, Zapata, he's a pitcher.
That's what they do.
He's gonna crush this team,
right, Jonathan?
But he's our closer.
He's not closer, he's a starter.
He closed for us at STAC.
Hey, Jonathan, are you
a starter or a closer?
Starter? Yeah, thank you.
I'm just saying, that's a pretty
big workload for somebody...
who's been closing all year.
Well, if he gets tired,
I will bring in a closer.
But he's our closer.
Hey, everybody, enough! All
right, I'm the coach!
And I say my brother is
starting, so he's starting.
You're the coach?
Yeah, Polacco!
Where have you been, huh?
I'm holding the clipboard.
Are you holding the clipboard?
Oh, I didn't think so! All
right, anybody else holding a
clipboard...
please raise your clipboard!
You bring that from home?
Yeah.
Borrowed it from my dad.
Now I'm the only one holding
a clipboard.
All right, so is there any
more insubordination...
before I finish figuring
out this line-up?
You have no idea how badly
I want to think of something
else to say.
Well, time's up!
All right, here's our line-up.
First, John Mazzello, shortstop.
Second, Arthur Barone, DH.
Third, Ty Dellamonica, 3rd base.
Fourth, Mike Triana, left field.
Fifth, Chris Zapata, 2nd.
Sixth, Brian "Botch" Rocco,
1st.
Seventh, Pat Murray, center
field.
Eighth, Vinnie Malzahn, in
right.
And ninth, Jon Garvey, catcher.
Pitching is Jonathan
Dellamonica.
And on the bench are Ryan
Polacco and David Stein.
Everybody got that?
Let's win.
Batter... up...
Hear that call...
The time has come
for one and all
To play ball
We are the members of the
all-American team
We come from cities
near and far
We are Wops and Micks too
Hispanics and a Jew
We're all for one
We're one for all
We are all-American
Two, three, four, one--
Ah shoo-bee-doo-wop
Aw, shit, gawd, I missed it.
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
Mm, ooh, morning.
Nothing like a little dip
after some ice cream.
You know what I mean?
Hey, Brian, how you doing?
Hi, Joey.
How's Johnny Boy doing?
He'll bounce back.
You got time, you got time.
Stay with it! Stay with it!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
There it is... nice out.
A little sluggish out
there today.
It's gonna be a long day.
We want a double
Just a little double
D-O-U-B-L-E
Double double double
How's Pat?
He's taking it harder than
Johnny. Your boy earned it.
Is he going to try again
next year?
He got an offer to play in an
independent in Arizona
and to play in Italy,
but it's up to him.
Ah, it's a shame, you know,
it's like winning the lottery.
It's such a long shot.
It's just a shame,
the window is so short.
That's you, Maz.
That's three, there you go.
But you know what? If he wants
to go, I've got my plane ticket.
Give me a B
You got your B you got your B
Give me an A
You got your A you got your A
Give me a You got your T you got your T
Now what
You don't want none of us
Boo-yah what boo-yah what
boo-yah yeah
Somebody needs to tell those
guys to shut the fuck up.
Zapata, zap, zap, zap... zap.
What's up, bro?
Nothing, man.
Oh, by the way, I was watching
you take those ground balls
out there.
You really gotta get down
on those.
You know what'll really help?
Tell you right now.
What would help me?
You just take that non glove
hand of yours, right?
Which would be your... right.
I'm a righty, yeah, right.
You take that non-glove hand,
you just pop it on top of that
glove, pop, pop, pop.
Do that again.
Pop, pop, pop.
Make the sound, if it helps.
It does, it does.
I promise, they'll come to you,
just like that.
Really lessen the chances of it
getting away from you, if it
takes a weird hop.
Garvey, that's great insight,
brother. Hey, you're the man,
thank you so much.
Thanks, man. Think about it.
Don't touch me.
Think about it when you're
on the field next.
I will, thank you so much.
All right.
Hey batter
what's the matter
Can't you take
a little chatter
Swing... batter, batter, batter!
Strike.
Let's go, Maz!
How much do you want to bet
he hits one out of here
first at bat?
I'm not gonna bet against Maz,
bro.
Harass him harass him
Make him relinquish the ball
What the hell
is with these guys, man?
( CHANTING CONTINUES )
We good?
We're good you're bad
We're good you're bad
( CHANTING CONTINUES )
No.
What do you mean, no?
I'm not bunting
in a summer league.
You're not even
giving the same signs.
What are you saying?
Steal?
You can't steal first, Garvey!
I know, I'm just saying--
Barone, whatever I tell you
to do, you have to do!
Yeah, whatever, dipshit.
I hope you get out, Barone!
Yeah.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
You're welcome, Ty.
Should I have him steal now or--
Shut up, Garvey.
Okay.
What's up, bro?
Dude... you know, if your last
name was Martinez...
you would have been drafted.
You really believe that?
Hell, yeah, I believe that.
Really?
Hell yeah, bro, look, we're the
hot new ethnicity right now.
You know? Scouts can't see
past that shit.
If a scout sees a Latino dude
who can't hit...
can't field for shit,
but he's fast
you know what they call it?
'Raw talent'.
I swear, man, it's like their
new way of calling us spics
or some shit.
Bro, they can call me Speedy
Fucking Gonzales...
as long as they draft me, shit.
Seriously, I'll step in the
batters box wearing a poncho.
You know what I mean?
I'm not saying there aren't
plenty of our guys who deserve
it
but shit, my boy Maz
deserves it, too.
It's your size too, John.
They overlook guys like you.
But if a 6' 5" goon steps up,
who couldn't hit water if he
fell out of a boat
man, they all start salivating.
As long as he has size...
looks like he has power, they
think they can teach him to hit.
Let me tell you something.
If he hasn't learned how
to hit in 21 years...
it's ain't gonna happen!
It doesn't matter.
It's steroids! That shit is
everywhere in the college game.
Even guys at STAC are doing it.
Then they get drafted,
they get tested in the minors
and they have to stop
doing it...
and then they end up getting
dropped in a year
but it takes spots away
from guys like Maz...
who are doing it on fucking
ice cream and sprinkles!
Who wants that life though,
really?
I mean, especially
if you suck?
And you're stuck in some
bullshit town in what, Iowa?
Playing Single A ball
somewhere for a couple years
getting paid nothing, spend your
life on a shitty bus
staying at Motel 7's and 8's.
I'm telling you, man, that is a
miserable, miserable existence.
Shit, I'd give anything
for that.
Fuck, yeah.
Yo, Fotch? You were drafted,
right?
Yeah, I vaguely remember
that, yeah.
It was that long ago, huh?
Well, I'll never forget the day
the horse and carriage...
rode up to my cottage and
delivered the telegram.
So, whatever happened with that?
I hurt my shoulder.
It refused to cooperate.
Uh-huh... and what happened?
I was playing center and I was
trying to throw this guy out
at home and something just
snapped. It was terrible.
I had a SLAP tear.
I tried surgery after surgery,
but nothing worked.
Finally the doctor, he suggested
something more experimental...
and I just had to let it go.
Do you have a gnarly scar?
Yeah.
Can I see it?
Sure.
There it is.
Oh, shit.
Whoa, hey, man,
that looks pretty bad-ass.
So, at least you got that.
Yeah, I lost 35 percent
of my range of motion...
and I'm highly vulnerable to
re-injury, so--
You're like Samuel L. Jackson
from Unbreakable.
So why do you even do
this league?
Well, I play first base now
obviously...
'cause there's a lot
less throwing.
But... ah... it's the game,
it's got a hold on me.
So I play it when I can.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
You're out! You're out!
Double play.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
What the hell was that, Barone,
why didn't you slide?
Because I was dead to rights.
Bullshit, you didn't want
to get your uniform dirty!
Well, maybe you should get a hit
next time and we won't be in
this situation.
Yeah, yeah, now I remember
where I know this guy from.
Yeah, he was that 'lights out'
closer for St. Thomas Aquinas
this year
except when they got to the
conference playoffs
I think he blew it for his team
and STAC was eliminated.
Hey, everybody...
don't worry if this guy
pitches tough now, okay?
When the pressure is on,
he chokes it away!
Hey! Knock it off.
What's that, Shatter?
You say something,
Brittle Bones?
Give me another one.
You talking to me, Osteoporosis?
We want a pitcher
not a belly itcher
We want a catcher
not a belly scratcher
No, no, no, you need to--
Yeah, right. You're right,
that's what it is, though.
Oh, god, bench bets?
Barone, it's bench bet time.
What are bench bets?
What's a bench bet?
Are you fucking kidding me?
How do you of all people not
know about bench bets?
Half your life is spent
on the bench.
Oh, no, I play, I play...
I've played.
Yes, you have.
Bench bets, David,
is a gentleman's game...
that one plays on the bench...
at a baseball game so you
don't die of boredom, okay?
Oh, I like that.
Yeah, it's good.
You will.
Well, I'm excited again.
Okay.
All right, I'll start us off,
nice and fresh, nice and easy.
I bet the next at bat lasts
exactly five pitches.
Okay, all right, okay, I got
100 bucks on six.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
I said it's a gentleman's game.
I thought you were Jewish,
for one!
Why are you coming with $100?
How about we start it for $5?
Is that all okay with you,
fucking money bags McGee?
I'm just ruining stereotypes
in your head, huh?
Yeah, well, I don't like that.
It's blowing your mind.
No, don't like it.
Fine, $5.
If you want to be cheap,
you know, but okay.
Bands will make her dance
Band to make her dance
I got four on the under.
No, you can't get four and
under, it's the exact number.
I have four and under.
Yeah, I'm six and over then.
You can't have six and over.
I don't get five and you get
everything else!
Okay, it's like I just said.
I'm gonna write it down.
Don't you write that down.
Don't you dare write that down.
Don't you write that down!
I'm writing it down, though.
He's writing it right there.
[UMPIRE HAZE]
Strike three!
Ooh, talk dirty to me.
No, because that's three!
That's three, so nobody wins!
That's three, so nobody wins,
there you go.
I had four and under.
You don't--
I had four and under! Witness?
You're my fucking witness.
Oh, he witnessed it, did he?
Did he witness it?
Well, I witnessed it, too.
I refute your account of the
events
thus nullifying your testimony
as per Plessy vs. Ferguson--
Yeah, well, I witnessed it, too,
fuckface!
Gavel banged, give me my Euros.
Don't you gavel bang me!
You already said--
Yeah, give me my money.
Pounds? Pounds?
You get those fingers
out of my face!
That's it! Bench bets are off.
Fuck!
And I hope you two are happy.
It's like my grandmother said...
Expect to have fun, forget it.
Now you're gonna have to sit
here and watch baseball.
That is your punishment.
I mean, for fuck's sake.
Do I need to go to the dentist?
H-O H-O-M
H-O-M-E-R-U-N
Home run Adrian
Home run Adrian
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Hey, Schwartz! What are you on a
team with a bunch of fucking
girls with your softball chants?
You guys sing.
It's not the same!
Are we bothering you, Murray?
I really don't like these
fucking guys!
Change of plans.
You're not allowed to get tired.
I'm keeping you in the entire
game, no matter what.
Show these guys what you can do.
Don't make me look stupid.
You guys were saying you got
some opportunity to play
independent ball.
Opportunity might be a stretch,
but yeah, I got some offers.
You gonna take them?
I don't know.
You know anything about these
leagues out west?
Yeah, I mean, definitely every
year a handful of guys get
drafted from those leagues.
I just don't know if it's worth
it to go through all that again.
You know, put the work in,
uproot my life...
and still not make it?
It just seems like a waste
of my time.
Well, there's no doubt the road
gets harder from here
but the road's always friggen
hard, no matter what you want.
You know, when my second
surgery was a bust?
I went to this rehab place
to get my arm back
to at least functioning
and this beautiful girl...
was assigned to help me
with the day to day.
Just the cutest thing
I'd ever seen.
Anyway... I married her.
We're married now.
I guess what I'm saying is...
sometimes the end of one journey
without even knowing it...
it can be the beginning
of another one.
Anyway, for what it's worth.
All right, Tree, let's get some
runs off this big shot!
Not a great start.
Strike one.
Strike two.
Strike three!
Wow, same pitch...
you fucking idiot.
Son of a biscuit!
See, the problem is you're just
not getting your hands inside
the ball enough.
It's that simple.
That's not the problem, Garvey.
The problem is I'm terrible.
Strike two.
Ah, you gotta be kidding me!
If it's low, let it go,
you know?
Say it with me. If it's low--
Okay, you don't have to say it,
but if it's low, let it go.
Just stay away from anything
that's low and inside, alright?
It's not your strength.
It's not your strength.
You gotta lot of strengths,
that's not one of them.
Oh, forget it.
Strike three, you're gone!
[UMPIRE HAZE] Strike three!
Strike three!
Mine! Mine!
Made that shit look pretty.
Two hands, two hands over your
head, just like that.
You see what I'm doing right
there? Just guide that baby in.
All right? And you...
Dells, I really think that if
you went with a two-seamer...
instead of the change-up--
I don't have a two-seamer,
Garvey.
Strike three!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Oh, boy, oh, shit!
Come on, man.
Yeah, I'm showing bunt.
I'm showing bunt
and then I drop back.
101 here, boys.
Get comfortable, we're gonna
be here a while.
I like to work the count.
Foul off some pitches.
You know how it is.
I bailed a little bit.
I bailed it a little bit.
I can call my own here.
But now I'm dialed.
Now I'm in the zone.
Get ready to turn around, pitch.
This shit's gone--
Strike three.
Good stuff. Good delivery.
Good deception. See ya'.
Keep it nice and tight.
Nice and tight.
You know? Keep it in.
Keep that elbow in.
There's nothing wrong with
serving one into the outfield.
You know what I mean?
Wait, were you talking to me
this whole time?
You know I'm not playing, right?
Hm... hm.
I'm just saying, I think if you
were to develop a two-seamer...
it would make you a hell
of a lot more dynamic
against a team like this.
I'm pitching a two-hitter,
Garvey!
That's two too many.
That's two too many.
All right?
Strike three!
Are you fucking serious?
They don't get any better
than that.
Is that a joke?
I coulda' hit that.
Come on. I mean, dude,
it was way outside my zone.
Way outside, both ways!
Both ways, blue.
I mean, come on.
You got nothing to say.
There's an earthiness to his
tone that is unparalleled.
Okay? His voice is transcendent.
Brian is the emotional core of
the band! Okay, end of story.
Thank you, David!
Nick is the guy people
wanna hear, man.
It's always been about Nick.
Think of it this way, okay?
All of their hits...
Nick starts every single
one of them.
Because he's Brian's opening
act, you fucking idiot!
Oh, whatever, man.
Just shut up,
you little corn cob.
A.J.'s the one who can't
be ignored, obviously.
He smolders... just smoke, man.
On one hand, he's like,
'Yo, I don't give a shit''
On the other hand, he's like...
'I'm gonna nonchalantly slap...
your grandma with the best
fucking vocals you ever heard.
You know I've heard some shit
before, Barone...
but that is the biggest one
I ever heard.
You know you like him 'cause he
bloody well looks like you.
Yeah, he does.
He's a very attractive man.
If bone structure is a
consideration...
which it should be.
Bone structure's nothing
to do with it.
This is straight-up vocal
talent!
[UMPIRE HAZE]
Strike three! You're gone!
This is how it goes.
No, what it is--
Just shut up! All right, we're
gonna settle this right now.
Shut up, first one in.
Whatever.
Hey, Zapata, how are you?
Question.
Objectively speaking...
who is the greatest
Backstreet Boy of all time?
Brian.
And you can put it
on the board!
Yes, how does that taste?
No, no, wait... you said Brian?
Yeah.
Nick.
No! You already said Brian.
Bullshit.
He's already said Brian--
get your hand out of my face!
Don't you touch that money!
Don't you touch that money!
Give me my money back.
Put that money back down!
That's it!
The integrity of the bet
has been compromised.
Bench bets are over, again...
for the second and final time.
Fine.
As a side note, can we just
agree that Justin Timberlake
is a blatant rip off of Nick
Carter in every single way...
and doesn't hold a candle
to his vocal prowess?
I mean... was that ever
in doubt, though?
JT thinks he's so cool.
You can call it a strike,
if you want, all day long.
I don't care. That's your job...
by all means.
Ump... I'm hoping you're gonna
umpire the game...
because you haven't been doing
it all day.
I'm not gonna swing at a pitch
that's a foot outside--
Foul ball!
But call it a strike.
Call it a strike.
Foul ball! Strike two.
Time!
What?
What are you calling time for?
Don't worry, all right?
I got this. Yeah!
What's up?
So, I'm over in the dugout,
right? And I'm watching your
last at-bat.
And I'm watching this one,
I'm sitting there thinking...
"Garvey, what can I do? Tell Maz
you're a little off right now."
And I realized, the second the
pitcher goes into the wind-up--
Garvey!
The day that I need advice
from you...
is the day that I kill myself.
Oh, shit! Smackdown!
Yeah, Garv!
Come on, Garv,
bring it back in here, buddy!
Aw! So real!
Walk it off.
The pain is so fresh.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Yeah, there we go!
Come on! come on! Three!
Slide!
Down!
Hey, that's the Johnny Boy
I know!
Yeah! There we go!
Now let's get something going!
Ball three.
Ball four. Take your base.
Fuck.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
[TY]
Oh, he lost it in the sun.
It's too bright.
Go, go, go, go!
Nice.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Yay for Ty!
Ball four, take your base.
He's reeling.
This will be a fast ball,
right down the middle.
Home, home, home!
[PLAYER]
You've got your cut!
[TY]
Home! Home, home, home!
Home!
What?
Oh, you fucking idiot, Barone!
What? I told you to go!
Why didn't you run?
Relax, Clifford, I would have
been out by a fucking mile.
Bullshit! He hit the
fucking backstop!
Even a perfect fucking throw
would have scored you!
Are you afraid to slide?
Naw.
You wanna keep your fucking
uniform clean...
that fucking bad?
It's called bleach, Barone!
I'm sure your little girlfriend
will be happy...
to keep it clean for you!
Fuck you, Ty!
Don't talk about my girlfriend.
You're getting fucking dirty.
No. Hey, stop.
You're getting fucking dirty
right fucking now!
Hey, stop, you stop,
I'm being serious!
Stop! Hey!
Motherfucker!
You're acting fucking crazy,
stop. Stop!
Get off me! You're crazy,
we're in the middle of a game!
You remind me of a crazed fan.
Stop! It smells like lavender!
What in god's name are you
two morons doing?
Break it up!
He's threatening me!
Hey, you want some?
I don't care if Murray hits
a home fucking run!
You are sliding into home!
Let's get back to the game,
ladies.
I'll slide into your mom...
your mom's home.
[BARONE]
Fucking idiot.
I'll score.
Strike one.
Sorry, Garv, it's been
a bad day.
Hey, don't worry about it, man.
I get it.
Kind of dumb of me to give
you advice, anyway.
Well, you know, it kind
of worked... I got a hit.
Yeah... yeah, I guess it did.
I tell you what... if you ever
need me to annoy you again...
just let me know, I'll be there.
Okay.
Strike two.
Murray's gonna strike out again,
isn't he?
Yeah, probably.
Strike three! That's all.
Oh, boy.
Bases fucking loaded!
Bases fucking loaded!
Fucking idiot! Stupid!
Bases loaded!
Fucking idiot! Piece of shit!
Should I go talk to him?
Stupid, fucking stupid!
Uh, maybe you should just
let him get it out.
Fucking idiot!
You all right, there, Murray?
Fucking idiot!
A little Murray worry?
You all right there,
little buddy?
Want to have a little catch?
Nice, fun times?
Hey, hi.
Fuck!
Ball!
Got one.
( YELLING CONTINUES )
How much you want to bet
Murray kills someone...
before the end of the game?
What the fuck are you doing?
( YELLING CONTINUES )
Wow, he is still going.
Well, there is something wrong
with that boy.
Does he do this at home?
Here you go.
Oh, shit!
Hey! What the fuck was that?
What?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Oh, shut up, Zapata, I'm just
throwing the ball in.
I'm standing five fucking
feet from you!
You trying to take my head off?
I was just throwing it in!
Catch the ball, Zapata,
how about that?
Really? Really?
Maybe catch the fucking ball.
Catch the fucking ball?
Yeah, catch it!
Standing five fucking feet--
One time in your life!
Well, this is gonna get ugly.
What the fuck was that? Huh?
Such a fucking baby, Murray!
Why don't you grow the fuck up!
You're the one whining about me
throwing the ball in!
Yeah, you're so fucking--
stop throwing that at me...
as hard as you can, because
your ass can't hit!
You fucking suck at baseball,
bro! Deal with the shit!
You throw like a bitch!
And you bat .250!
Patrick, relax!
Shut the fuck up, Dad!
Yeah?
That's my boy.
At least I don't yell at myself
about it for an hour...
like a fucking lunatic!
You're a fucking psychopath!
I'll show you a psychopath!
I'll take a bat, and shove
it up your ass!
Say that to my fucking ankle,
bitch!
Go wash my dishes!
I'll beat your fucking white--
Whoa! Whoa!
Chill out, Murray!
Murray, chill out!
What is wrong with these guys?
Hey, quit it, both of you!
Sit down! Sit down!
Everyone can hear you.
Murray, sit down!
I'm not gonna sit down!
Why are you so angry?
Everything! Everything!
I know I can't hit, Zapata! Huh?
You think I don't know that?
But John can hit! And he
should have been drafted!
I mean, we kill ourselves
for 15 years...
with this stupid, fucking game
for what? For nothing!
We bleed it, we breathe it!
You're not gonna cry, are you?
And people like you... Polacco.
You've got all the fucking
talent in the world.
They brought you in from across
an ocean to play baseball.
And you wasted it!
If you hadn't spent your entire
sorry college career...
partying every fucking night...
it could have been you we're
saying should have been drafted!
Wait, so let me get this clear,
even the fantasy version...
of my life, I still don't
get drafted?
You had a gift.
And you wasted it.
But John didn't waste it.
He gave it everything he had,
every day!
And if he'd been drafted,
it would have been like...
we all got drafted,
because he's one of us!
And I wanted it for him.
It's bullshit.
This whole, fucking world
is bullshit.
Nobody gets what they deserve,
good or bad.
You still didn't have
to throw it--
Oh, shut the fuck up, Zapata!
What's up? What's the matter?
Dad, I think this is it.
What do you mean?
I think this is my last game.
I shouldn't have come today,
it's stupid...
this game's meaningless.
Everybody's at each other''
throats.
Everyone is doing their own
thing. There's no leadership.
Ty tries, but nobody cares.
I'm not helping anybody
being here today.
It's too hard.
Well, you can't leave now,
you're already here.
Yeah, I know, I'm not gonna
leave in the middle of the game.
Well, that's what you just said.
Well, it's not what I meant!
Before you start saying that
this is my last game...
why don't you give it a couple
days sleep, all right?
I mean, you should go
with these guys...
if you win, go to Ocean City.
I care about Ocean City, Dad.
Strike three! You're gone.
Cool, all right, sweet.
I'm on deck, forget it.
Whoa, wh-- hey, Johnny?
Listen, you do what you want.
I'm just trying to give you
some advice here.
Yeah, look where that got me.
Everything all right?
Yeah.
Okay, shut your faces,
listen up!
This game, this one here,
is a lot more fun...
when you actually hit the ball.
Am I right, guys?
Sit down, Vinnie.
Did you say sit down...
or get down?
'Cause I'm about to break out...
some of my best slump-buster
moves on this bitch.
Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
Strike three!
I'm so sexy and so awesome
I'm also totally awesome
What's up Garvey
Hey, buddy, mm, mm,
gettin' low.
Gettin' low, gettin' low,
get low.
Now dodge and weave,
and get it on, get it on--
Vinnie--
What's up, Garv?
You're making me very
uncomfortable.
Please stop.
I'm pecking at you.
I'm pecking at you, baby.
Will you sit down, already?
Hey, Murr, what's up?
That's weird.
You know, Santa Claus could walk
into this dugout right now...
with an armful of gifts, you
would still tell him to f-off.
Don't you start with me,
too, okay?
Hey, just relax and watch the
game, it's one-nothing.
Tell your gay lover to stop
dancing in my way...
so I can watch the fucking game.
Can I say something?
You're very rude.
Oh, shit.
Hey! Whoa! What was that?
What was that? What was that!
Hey, ump! What the hell
was that?
Well, don't ask me,
I didn't throw it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
it was a bad pitch, dude.
I think your brother's
thrown a couple.
Oh, you think I'm fucking
stupid? Huh?
He just happens to lose control
against the guy...
who got a triple off of him?
Why would I want to put
a runner on?
'Cause you're cocky, that's why.
You want an apology?
The guy didn't even get hit!
It was an accident. Ump, can we
please get back to the game?
Let's go.
No, no, no, I want my
complaint on record.
Oh, I will be sure to mention
it to the commissioner.
Hope he doesn't lose control
next time you get up!
Oh, make my fucking day!
He knew what he was doing.
Let's go, Maz.
What do you say, 14, let's go!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
[TY]
Go, baby. Go, baby.
Go, baby.
[PLAYER]
Nice catch.
Ah, shit!
Hey! Head's up!
This is the final inning!
Let's hold 'em here!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Our team is tick tick tick
tick boom dynamite
Boom dynamite boom dynamite
Boom dynamite boom dynamite
Garvey.
Uh, no warm-up this inning,
all right?
Does your arm hurt?
No, I'm just loose already.
Let's go.
All right.
Guys... sit off-speed.
Hey, hey, sit off-speed,
sit off-speed.
Hey, Dells...
isn't this about when you start
to choke things away?
Hey! Shut your mouth
or I'm gonna shut it for you!
Here we go!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
( CHATTER CONTINUES )
Pitchers in a hole
ten feet deep
Can't get out
'cause he's got no heat
Say what no heat
Say what no heat
He's losing his velocity.
Get 'em over, Dells.
Hi.
This is a big moment, Dells.
I'm glad we're sharing
this together.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Oh, not again.
Two ducks on a pond
We need a home run
Quack quack
Quack quack
Two ducks on a pond
We need a home run
Quack quack
Quack quack
( ALL QUACKING )
Ball one.
Get off your knees, Dells,
you're blowing the game.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
[MAN IN CROWD] Hope you got
your degree, pitcher!
[MAN IN CROWD] Come on, big
brother, get him out of there!
Let's go now, Dells, come on.
[MAN IN CROWD] Somebody get this
guy a bucket. He's throwing up.
[UMPIRE HAZE]
Ball three.
Let's go, Dells!
You know what, Dells?
I dare you to throw a strike.
Chardy, I don't care if he
throws it underhand...
you are taking.
Yeah, I'm gonna finish this
at-bat with my eyes closed.
( DRAMATIC MUSIC FADES UP )
Ball four.
Bye-bye, I'll miss you.
You know, maybe I'll bat lefty
next time...
even things out a little bit.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Time.
[PLAYER] Don't take him out,
he's our best player!
You got anything left?
I'm not coming out.
I'm not taking you out.
Do you have anything left?
I don't know.
Guys, can you give us a second?
If we lose, it's not your fault.
All right, forget about
the playoffs.
Forget about what happened
at STAC.
All right, it's not your fault.
So don't throw one more pitch
worried about...
losing it for your team,
losing it for me.
All right?
I already know you're great.
So, get in there,
throw strikes...
maybe we get an "At 'em" ball,
we get out of this jam.
Hm? Yeah.
Nothing he said is gonna help
you get out of this.
( CROWD CHEERING )
Agh!
Oh, no.
Oh, let's go!
Tim!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Guys!
No!
Come on!
Back off!
Murray, no!
Fuck! Motherfucker!
Zach, Zach!
Bitch! Get off me!
( ALL YELLING )
( YELLING CONTINUES )
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
Stay down!
Hey! Put the bat down!
Just breathe, Garv, all right?
Try and relax.
Take some nice, deep breaths,
( DISTANT SIRENS APPROACHING )
( CROWD APPLAUDS )
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Tyler Dellamonica and Vinnie
Malzahn?
Present.
Stand up, please.
Come this way, guys.
That's good. Turn around, put
your hands behind your back.
Come on.
Just do it.
Hey, you can't do that,
they didn't do anything!
Hey, easy, easy.
They're not the one putting
somebody in the hospital.
Calm down, alright?
Everybody over there, listen
to me and just calm down.
But this is bullshit!
Hey, be quiet
or I'll arrest you, too.
I didn't do anything.
Doesn't matter, we're cops.
What's wrong with your friend?
Well, you're really making
a difference.
Say goodbye, gentlemen.
Finish the game.
Finish the game!
Well, I hate to break
it to you...
but we're gonna have
to call it a day.
We're gonna have to ask you
to disperse.
Send everybody home.
Wait, wait, so we're not gonna
finish the game?
We're not gonna finish the game.
You can't do that!
We wanna finish!
You gotta let us keep going!
After everything that's happened
I don't think it's a good idea.
You have to let us finish this.
Nothing's gonna happen, all
right? It's over.
We settled this, it's done.
We just want to play.
Yeah.
So both teams, you both
want to finish?
Of course, we do, we're winning!
Look, man, we just want
to play baseball. That's it.
[CROWD] Let 'em play! Come on,
let 'em play!
It's up to you guys.
[CROWD]
Let 'em play! Let 'em play!
Chad Hart... you're ejected
from the game!
That's right.
Everybody else,
we're playing on!
But hey, hey, just know,
if anything else happens...
there will be consequences.
You are all responsible.
We're okay with that.
Thank you. I can promise you,
nothing else is gonna happen.
I'm hitting the first
fucking guy up!
What?
I'm gonna put it right
in his fucking ear!
Dells, we just told them that
nothing was gonna happen.
Well, they think they can just
get my brother arrested...
and get away with it? Bullshit!
Hey! Look at me. Look at me!
We get back at these guys
by winning, you hear me?
Now let's go out there
and win this game.
I need your head in the game.
Just give me the ball.
Give me the ball!
All right, all right, all right.
All right, everybody listen up.
Come on, bring it in,
bring it in.
As you can probably tell,
everyone's gotta play.
We lost three guys,
so... everybody's in.
David, I'm putting you in right.
Polacco, I want you at third.
What do you think?
I'll play wherever you need me.
Okay, great, that's where
you're going.
Barone... catcher.
Yeah, I can catch.
I mean, I can play anywhere,
too.
Yeah. Garvey's stuff is gonna
be a little small on you.
I'll make it work.
All right, why don't you go
ahead and suit up.
Guys, we're winning this game.
Everybody hear me?
We're winning the game.
Yeah.
Let's go!
Yeah! Let's go!
Hey, where's my stuff?
This sucks.
Hey... can you see anything?
Barely.
All right, guys, we're gonna
stay here for now...
so, just relax.
Could you turn the car around,
so we can watch the game?
No.
Please! Come on!
Could you at least
adjust the mirrors...
so we can watch it in the
reflection?
All right.
Yes!
Tell me when, boys.
More.
You're way off.
More, more, more, more, more.
I don't even know where you are.
Come on, gimme more.
More, way more, you're all sky
right now, you're all sky.
More, more, more.
More, more.
Now you went too far.
Back a little back.
Scalpel!
Center it!
There it is! There it is!
Stop, stop, stop.
Thank you.
That's nice.
That's a nice frame.
All right, I'll be back.
Well, wait, where are you going?
I'm going to watch the game.
Again, your friends, man.
Uh... Maz?
What's wrong with him?
Well, he said he's gonna
hit the next guy.
You're joking.
No, no, it's not good.
So if he does...
get ready to run.
Got this... that's right,
I got this.
[UMPIRE HAZE]
All right, let's go.
( CROWD CHEERING )
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Let's go, Wolfe!
( DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING )
Strike!
Good pitch, Dells.
That's two.
What did this guy do steroids
during break?
Strike three.
That a boy, Dells.
Strike!
Pick your pitch, Alex.
You got him scared, Dells.
Yeah, we're up two runs,
we're petrified.
Let's go, Dells.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Yeah, baby! That a boy,
Jonathan, yes!
Give me, uh-- head butt, head
butt.
That's okay, now...
come on, we're up two runs.
Let's put 'em away right here.
Nice job, Dells.
Let's win this.
All right, listen up.
All right, all right, Polacco,
you're up after Murray.
David, when we get to you,
you're up in Garvey's place.
Dells, you're gonna bat
for your brother.
Let's have smart at-bats up
there, okay? Smart at-bats.
I don't want to see anybody
chasing any junk.
But if you see something,
get after it!
We've seen this guy for seven
innings now.
He's gonna start you all off
with a fastball...
because he thinks you can't
catch up to it, but you can.
His out pitch is that little
slider he likes to throw.
Look for that with two strikes.
Don't give him anything
for free.
I want him to work for every
single thing!
You got it?
Yeah!
Got it?
Hell, yeah!
All right, now get up
on the fence!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Keep the chatter up, okay?
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
Foul.
All right, Zap, pick a pitch
now, babe.
Hey, Maz.
You got a Z-A-P-A
Fotch, Fotch, what's going on?
Jeez.
Hey, don't worry. I'll get on.
Can you move it?
Well, it doesn't matter...
but I'll get on.
We can't let you go up
there and make it any worse.
Believe me, there's nothing I
could possibly do...
to make it any worse, okay?
Foul ball.
If I don't get up,
we have to forfeit.
We don't have enough guys,
and we can't switch at-bats.
Go, go, go, go, come on!
Fuck!
Hey, guys, I'll get on.
They call me, Mr. Glass.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
It's all right, they're
still gonna lose.
Hey, chin up. We're still
in this.
We're gonna get to this guy,
man. Let's go!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Come on, Fotchy.
Nut up!
Foul ball!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
[UMPIRE HAZE]
Foul ball!
Damn it.
Inside! One and two!
Foul ball.
Oh, my gosh.
What?
He's doing it on purpose.
What do you mean?
He's trying to walk.
[UMPIRE HAZE] Foul ball.
He can't use his right arm.
He doesn't have the power
to catch up to these balls...
enough to put them in play...
so he's trying to walk.
Two and two!
That wily son of a gun.
He's my hero.
Good eye, Fotch.
Heart.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Foul.
Foul.
Foul ball.
Ooh... snap.
Well, now we have to win.
My uncle can fix that for you.
Don't worry about it.
It's all right.
It's all right.
Foul.
Killing me.
Please!
Foul. Strike him out!
[ZAPATA] You stallion!
You're a stallion!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Full count.
Damn it!
Stay focused!
Shut up!
Ball four.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
I can't hear myself.
Come on!
Any advice?
Get a hit.
Thanks.
Please don't blow this.
Please don't blow this.
Please don't blow this.
There's so many people here.
Please don't blow this right
now. Please don't blow this.
Please, please don't blow this.
Come on, come through one time.
Come on, Patty, come on, kid.
Don't blow it, don't blow it,
don't blow it!
Don't blow it, don't blow it.
Foul ball!
Okay, all right.
It's got to be the fastball.
He's gotta come back with a
fastball, okay, I need you to
get around on it.
Gotta be the fastball.
Please throw a fastball.
Just throw me a fastball,
one time.
Throw me a fucking fastball
right now.
Throw me a fastball.
Fastball, fastball, fastball.
( CROWD CHEERING )
Dig, dig, dig!
Safe!
I forgive you, Murray!
He's my hero now!
Way to go, Pat!
I guessed! I fucking guessed!
Yes! I'm not out!
Time!
[MURRAY]
Let's go! Let's go, Polacco!
[MURRAY]
Kill him! Murder him! Let's go!
You all right?
Yeah, I'm good.
I can finish it.
Get this done.
You sure?
Yeah, I got this.
Then stop dicking around,
get outta here and go home.
Have a beer, whatever.
Okay.
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Come on, Polac.
( CROWD CHEERING )
Get down!
No, no, hold up! Hold up!
One base, one base!
Blue! Time.
Oh! Fucking bullfrogs.
More like the bull--
more like the bullshits.
You get it?
Old school with that,
old school with that.
Ah, yeah!
Yeah!
Let's go, bro! You got this!
Fuckin' weirdo.
You got this, bro!
That's it.
I can finish it.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
You guys better win this.
They're bringing in that closer.
Who?
Tommy Dorehty, the double A
closer...
the Phillies are grooming.
Is he good?
Yeah... yeah, he's good.
Hey. Look at me.
Yeah.
Everybody gets a moment...
in life, in love... in sports.
This is your moment.
Don't be afraid of it.
Don't shy away from it.
Embrace it.
It's time for you to start
believing in yourself...
because we all believe in you.
It's your time.
Go get 'em.
Okay.
Time, Ump. Time.
[DELLS]
David?
What's up?
Hey.
Hey.
Yeah.
Um, you need to strike out.
Pardon?
Yeah, you need to strike out.
What? Why?
Because you stink, David.
Yeah.
And Maz is up next, so...
if you magically happen
to accidently find a way...
to make contact with any
of these pitches...
and you hit into a double
play...
then the game is over
and we lose...
with the best fucking hitter
I've ever seen...
sitting in the on-deck circle.
I'm not gonna be okay with that.
Ty is really not gonna be okay
with that.
Do you understand?
Yeah.
Okay, so you need to turn
around...
you get in that batter's box...
and you strike out on three
pitches...
without ever presenting
a threat...
you march your ass back
to that dugout...
so we actually have a chance
to win this game.
Do you understand?
I won't hit the ball,
if they paid me!
That's what I like to hear!
Now you get up there and you
strike out...
like you've never struck out
before, you hear me?
Yeah. Yeah!
Go get 'em! Go get' em!
David?
Huh?
I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of me, too, Dells!
Proud of me, too!
What did you tell him?
I told him to strike out.
You're a genius, bro.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Strike one!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Fuck! Hit the ball,
we want to fucking win!
[TREE] Stay focused!
[ZAPATA] There you go, D!
Strike two.
Strike two!
Sorry, that's-- sorry.
One more! Let's go! One more!
He's good. You're good!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Yeah, dude, just be a pussy.
Come on!
Ball... strike three?
Yes!
( ALL YELLING )
Yeah!
Can't touch the Backstreet Bat,
dude!
( ALL YELLING )
I did good! I did good!
You know, some people
just need fucking medicine.
They do.
( LOUD THUD )
Oh! Oh, shit.
Tree, you okay?
You all right, you okay?
Yeah... yeah.
Uh... time, again!
All right, well...
I don't know what the fuck
that was all about...
but it doesn't matter.
I don't want to bother you,
look--
Just focus on the task
at hand, okay?
Strike this next guy out
and let's go home winners.
That's not gonna happen.
What's not?
You're not going to strike him
out. He doesn't strike out.
Everybody strikes out, Schwartz.
Yeah, but he's got the lowest
number of strikeouts...
in the league, with the most
number of at bats.
Maz doesn't strike out.
Okay, yeah, that was against
a bunch of chumps.
He hasn't seen anyone
like me yet.
I'll get the job done.
I think you're wrong.
I think you should walk him.
Are you actively rooting
for us to lose?
I just think we should take our
chances against the next guy.
If the cops weren't still here,
I would slap you...
across your little, bitch face.
Hey, look, I'm not walking
anyone. Okay?
I'm striking this guy out.
So, please, Schwartzy,
get the fuck off my mound.
Okay.
Maz!
Go get 'em!
( DRAMATIC MUSIC FADES UP )
Come on, Maz!
Foul ball.
That was the pitch to hit.
Strike two!
Bullshit!
Oh, come on!
Bad call, blue!
Good pitch. Live there now,
live there. Let's go.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Ball one.
Yeah, you saw that one,
you blind, fucking freak!
Be real careful.
Be real careful!
Patrick, if we lose because you
get thrown out of this game...
I'm gonna disown you!
[MAN IN CROWD]
Atta' boy, shut him up!
Shut him up, let's go!
Let's go!
I can't even watch this.
Just-- just let me know
when it's over, okay?
Come on, Mazzy! Come on!
Ball two.
Good eye! Good eye, Maz!
I am honestly going to barf.
Come on, Maz, come on.
Come on.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
All you, D.
Stay in the moment.
Just stay in the moment.
Foul ball.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit, that was close.
I might have just shit myself,
I can't tell.
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
( MUSIC CHANGES )
( MUSIC CONTINUES )
( MUSIC FADES UP )
That's it. Run up on it!
( MUSIC CONTINUES )
Charge it, come on!
MAZ (V.O.)
Stay back. Don't reach.
JIM (V.O.)
If it's low, let it go.
Don't chase the high ones.
MAZ (V.O.)
Keep that elbow in.
Swing through the pitch.
If it's inside, swing early.
Outside, wait on it.
JIM (V.O.)
Sit off-speed...
you're quick enough to catch
up to the fastball.
MAZ (V.O.)
Don't chase. Swing at strikes.
JIM (V.O.)
Look at the seams.
Look at his motion.
MAZ (V.O.)
Look at his eyes.
If it's outside, wait on it.
JIM (V.O.)
Short and sweet to the ball.
Think out, react in.
MAZ (V.O.) Explode through the
ball. Hips first.
JIM (V.O.)
Follow it into the bat.
MAZ (V.O.)
Look out for the cutter...
the splitter, the slider.
JIM (V.O.)
The change-up, curveball...
fastball, knuckle.
MAZ (V.O.)
Side-arm, submarine.
JIM (V.O.)
If it's outside, wait on it.
MAZ (V.O.)
Wait on it.
( CROWD CHEERING )
Get in the gap!
Get in the gap!
( TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING )
Come on, come on, come on!
Let's go! Let's go! Come on!
Get your ass home! Go!
Yeah, motherfucker!
Yeah!
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
Yeah! Yeah!
( CHEERING CONTINUES )
Thank you.
Thank you.
Are you kidding me?
I told David to strike out
so you'd get up!
What?
I'm so sorry I threw the
ball at you so hard!
It's okay!
I dunno what I was thinking.
I could have really hurt you.
This makes the impending surgery
on my arm so worth it! Ow!
I love you, Maz!
That was for Garvey!
That was for Garvey.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
[GIRL]
Yes!
The wall! Over the wall!
Yeah!
( GIRL SCREAMING )
[GIRL] I have chills everywhere,
dude.
[WOMAN] Maz hit--
all three came in?
[GIRL] Yeah.
[MAN] Way to go!
[GIRL] That was fuckin' nuts!
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
( MUSIC STOPS )
Sure the groundskeeper
came today?
It's beautiful...
it's beautiful.
Hey.
Any word?
What round?
All right, let me know
if you hear anything.
29th.
Plenty of time, not even
worried about it.
( RAP MUSIC PLAYING )
What?
'Cause he's focused around
them chunky girls
Who puff it raw
it's what they cause
( MUSIC STOPS )
What?
I told you to roll down
your window.
I hate you.
I love you.
He's grumpy.
Hey! Any news?
No.
Ah...
I can smell it in the air,
it is a baseball day.
I'm ready for this day,
are you ready?
I've never been more ready for
anything in my entire life...
Garvey, let's get 'em!
Yes.
Hey, Dells, you got some duct
tape on your window.
Wasn't sure if you were
aware of that?
Oh, yeah, thanks, Vinnie.
Uh, where is-- where's your car?
Is your mom picking you up
today?
No, your mom said she'd do it.
What's up?
Oh, that's cute. Cup check.
Oh!
Titanium steel, man. That's
double-layered right there.
I don't know if you're serious,
but my mom can pick us up...
after the game, if you need
a ride, get some grub after.
We're gonna be so starving.
Oh, I want to tell you guys
about this new stretch.
Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie--
What, Garvey?
I got this new stretch
I want to show you guys--
Aw, sh--
You all right?
Yeah, I'm good. No, I want
to show you a new stretch.
Oh, my gosh.
Can we take the stairs
next time?
They're right over there.
No.
So hot.
Where the hell is everybody?
I told them to get here early,
so we can get a little BP.
That means batting practice.
I called everyone last night.
Swear to god, Ty,
I called everyone.
I don't know
why they're not here.
I actually feel like my lungs
are sweating... is that bad?
No, it's actually a good thing.
Keeps your muscles loose during
the game, keep 'em loose.
Is that how muscles work,
Garvey?
Most of them, yeah.
Yo, what's up, boys? What's up,
Vinnie? What's up, Dil.
Where have you guys been?
You're late!
Nobody's even here yet,
Ty, relax!
The groundskeeper ain't even
came yet.
Actually, he did.
That's sad.
So? what's the word?
You heard anything?
32nd round, last we heard.
Are you kidding me?
Seriously?
Should have been a 15th rounder,
at least.
Peanut butter jelly time
Peanut butter jelly time
Peanut butter and jelly
Peanut butter and jelly
Peanut butter and jelly
and a baseball bat
Peanut butter and jelly
Peanut butter and jelly
and a baseball bat
Peanut butter and jelly
You're late!
Peanut butter and jelly
and a baseball bat
Hey, guys, does this shadow make
me look like I have a huge cock?
You're late, Polacco!
In his defense, he is a
seventh-year junior.
So that is kind of his thing.
Yeah, you still working on that
doctorate, Polacco?
Hm?
Uh-oh, look at what you done.
Don't do it.
It's coming.
Don't do it.
It's coming.
Go back a little bit.
Come on, lick it.
There's too much wrong...
not tonight, not tonight, bro.
What's up?
What's up, Murray?
What's up, did you talk to him?
Yeah, he get a call?
35th round, I haven't heard
a fucking thing.
Not even a phone call?
The Padres guy that was scouting
him... the Mets guy?
I said, "Not a thing," Dells!
Can't sit here and think
about it, all right?
Let's get warmed up.
Let's do some stretches.
What, nobody wants to stretch?
For this game, Ty?
If, by stretch,
you mean have another beer...
then I'll gladly stretch very
hard with you, Ty.
Hey, no, no, absolutely not,
nobody listen to him.
Nobody's drinking beer! It
dehydrates you, motor skills!
Gone, forget about 'em.
Shut up, Garvey.
Dells, you have to stretch,
'cause you're my little brother.
You have to come.
And Vinnie you're my
brother-in-law...
so you have to come, too.
Not your brother-in-law yet.
Also, don't know how to stretch,
thus, I will be staying here.
Come on.
Come on, I'm gonna show you
that stretch.
Vinnie, you should really come
out, I'll show you the stretch.
I'll be right out.
I'll be right out.
Go get 'em, guys.
Go get 'em, guys.
Go get 'em... nap time.
Look at Fotch. Pushing 40,
still doing his drills.
He's actually 33.
Oh, good, Barone showed up.
Only need like one shot, then--
Okay.
Knock it out of the park.
So you're gonna be up
there like ten times, then?
Yeah.
Okay.
I wonder if he actually knows
what's going on with Maz?
The only thing he knows about is
what's going on in the mirror.
How do my eyebrows look?
They're good.
Not too bad?
No, they're good.
I'm here! I'm here,
I'm here, I'm here!
I'm here, sorry I'm late.
Uh, it's all right, David, I
forgot you were on the team.
Hah... okay,
I was watching the draft.
Late in the 37th, and he hasn't
been picked yet.
You wanna stretch?
Am I starting?
Probably not.
Nah, I'm good, then.
I'll see you guys in there?
Yeah.
All right.
You've got to be kidding me.
What?
They rented a bus?
( MUSIC PLAYING )
They rented a fucking bus?
Who the hell are these guys?
This isn't the team
we beat this season.
This is a whole bunch
of new guys.
They brought in ringers.
You see this shit?
I don't get it. What happened?
This is a whole, new team.
We played four of these guys
this season.
That's Tommy Dorehty,
he was drafted last year.
He plays for double- A Scranton.
The Phillies are grooming him
to be a closer.
And that's Michael Antonelli,
he throws 93...
and he got drafted this year.
All these kids, they're all D1.
BC, LSU, Villanova?
Oh, this is a bunch
of horse shit!
Horse shit. Horse shit.
You know, my uncle knows
Don Mattingly.
Why don't we call him up,
see if he wants to play, huh?
See, what I don't understand,
bro, is how they get that money
for that bus?
How come we don't have that
money for this bus!
( ALL YELLING )
( PHONE BEEPING )
Guys.
Guys!
My dad just texted me.
The draft is over...
he didn't get picked.
What?
Damn it.
It ain't right...
the kid can play.
Well, fuck it.
He can go to open tryouts,
play the independents...
and he can still make it.
Come on, Polacco you know
how unlikely that is.
Ruin my fucking day!
How many of you guys
play with him in college?
He was the best player
I've ever seen...
just one clutch hit
after another.
Even three days ago,
he got the game-winning hit.
Only reason we're playing
in this game.
What's up, you peter-puffers?
Who fucking died in here?
Maz didn't get drafted.
He didn't get drafted?
Oh, my god!
Man, that fucking sucks.
I mean, I know all about that...
because the same thing happened
to me last year...
the exact same thing.
The Yankees and the Red Sox were
coming to scout me like crazy.
Gave me the old reach around.
Yeah, didn't matter, I hurt my
wrist, really tweaked it.
You know, I lost millions
off that.
Definitely woulda been drafted
if that didn't happen, right?
Right? You guys don't know shit.
[UMPIRE HAZE]
All right, bring it in!
Dells.
All right, guys, my name is Fred
Haze, and this is Tim Donnelly.
And we are here for the--
what the hell are we here for?
Okay, here's why I'm ruining
my Saturday.
We are here for the semifinal
playoff game...
for the Orange County,
Duchess County...
Ulster County and Westchester
County Mid-Summer--
Jesus... Mid-Summer Intramural
Amateur Baseball Association.
Sponsored by the Knights
of Columbus. Is this a joke?
No, it's the fourth annual.
Well, how many teams
are in this league?
Six.
Six?
No, seven, but one was disbanded
due to a lack of interest.
And everybody makes the
playoffs?
Yes.
Okay, today's game is between
the visiting Bulldogs...
and the hometown D-Bags.
D-Backs!
I'm sorry?
D-Backs.
What'd I say?
You said D-Bags.
Okay, D... Backs.
What's a D-Back?
D-Backs, like Diamondbacks,
like the Arizona Diamondbacks.
Why didn't you just name
yourselves the Diamondbacks?
'Cause it was too many letters.
Can we please just move on?
Okay, here are the rules.
We all know what this is,
it's a casual summer league.
Okay, everybody is here just get
a work out in and stay in shape.
Okay, so here's the main rule;
no collisions.
Nobody is looking to get hurt.
No cleats up, no take outs, no
running over the catcher.
If anybody does any
of these things...
it will result in an immediate
ejection, am I clear?
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
Wonderful, now these are seven
inning games, not nine.
The winner of this game
and the other semifinal...
will advance to the regionals
in Ocean City, Maryland.
Any questions?
Yeah, who the fuck are you?
I'm Alex Ca --
Ah! I know who you are.
You're that hot shot center
fielder out of Florida State.
What the fuck are you
doing here?
Just relax, dude.
There's nobody here who
isn't supposed to be here.
Bullshit! None of these guys
were here a week ago.
Everybody here was listed
on our original roster.
There you go, Ump.
Their dues were paid by either
themselves...
or by somebody on their behalf.
All the documents are here,
Happy.
There's like 50 fucking names
on this roster!
There's nothing in the rule book
about a maximum roster size.
This is a bunch of horse shit!
You're gonna let this happen?
You want to get a lawyer?
Oh, this is a bunch
of horse shit!
That's-- just gonna--
sorry.
I told you we shouldn't
call 'em D-Backs.
Shut up, Garvey!
He's very passionate.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
There's no shame in that.
That's real strength.
You know, you don't have to do
this if you don't want to.
It's been a rough couple days.
I'm sure they'll understand.
I mean, I don't even think
they care about this game.
You know, it could be a good
idea just to...
take a little break from
baseball for a while, you know?
I mean, God knows
you've earned it.
Right?
I mean... right?
Let's play ball.
It's audacious is what it is.
You know? It's audacious!
You just learn that word, Ty?
Oh so this doesn't bother you?
Of course, it does, man.
It's-- it's Bush League.
Yes!
Yeah.
Exactly! It's Bush League!
It's--
What's up, guys?
Hey, what's up, Maz?
Sorry, I'm late.
No, it's fine. It's fine.
I wasn't sure if--
I'm glad you're here.
I wanted to go over
the line up with you.
Okay.
Come on.
They brought in a bunch
of stud horses today.
It's gonna be hard
to beat them.
It's gonna be like
the '27 Yankees...
versus the fucking
Lollipop Guild.
Ouch!
Okay, Ty! We get it!
It's because we're short,
we get it!
So what I was thinking is,
even though we usually bat...
you third, we're gonna
put you first...
so you can get up as many times
as possible, but only if...
you're all right with that,
if you think it's smart.
Ty.
I know you like to get in third
and drive in a bunch of runs.
but I'm thinkin' if that
we put speed in at the bottom--
Ty!
Yeah?
You can bat me first, you can
bat me ninth for all I care.
You can make me bat boy,
it doesn't matter.
You don't have to come to me.
I just, thinking with the
whole draft thing...
I thought it might...
take your mind off of it.
You thought you'd get my mind
off baseball by talking to me...
about baseball at a baseball
game?
It isn't working?
Look who's coming.
Schwartz. Hold on, hold on.
That is the biggest Bush league
move I've ever seen, man!
You can't just pull a bunch
of guys off the street...
and start a new team just
because it's the playoffs!
Ty-- Jesus--
We were teammates for three
years at STAC!
I know, Ty! I get it.
I came over to say I understand
why you're upset.
It's not my team. All right,
it's not my roster.
I don't make the rules... Jesus.
Maz, I also came over to say
I'm sorry about the draft.
You deserved it.
I'm sorry, too.
It really sucked.
Ice cream! Get your
ice cream here, boys!
Ice cold ice cream,
get it while it's hot!
We get ice cream?
Duh, bro, Maz eats ice cream
before every game.
We realize it's the secret
to his success.
So we're gonna do that now, huh?
Of course, it's playoffs.
We need the competitive
advantage!
Well, back off, back off, hey,
stop crowding!
Stop crowding, all right?
Maz gets to pick first.
Maz which one do you want?
I think I'll skip today.
What? Maz, you gotta have your
rainbow sprinkles, bro!
I just don't want it.
He doesn't fucking want it,
then leave him alone,
he doesn't have to have it.
Okay, but what if it creates
a fissure...
in the space time continuum?
Serious, Maz,
I got like three extra.
Well, thank God I'm here.
I mean really, the things I do,
excuse me.
There we go, that is it.
There we go.
Oh... that's it.
My bad, thanks, David.
All right, guys, listen up!
I gotta figure out the line up.
Who doesn't want to play today?
Oh, ha-ha, yeah. Very funny.
Seriously, I gotta sit
someone out. Who's it gonna be?
I'm nursing a pretty aggressive
hangover...
so I'll nominate myself.
All right, good, and
Jonathan's pitching...
so he's not in the lineup.
Whoa, whoa, Dells is pitching?
Yeah, Zapata, he's a pitcher.
That's what they do.
He's gonna crush this team,
right, Jonathan?
But he's our closer.
He's not closer, he's a starter.
He closed for us at STAC.
Hey, Jonathan, are you
a starter or a closer?
Starter? Yeah, thank you.
I'm just saying, that's a pretty
big workload for somebody...
who's been closing all year.
Well, if he gets tired,
I will bring in a closer.
But he's our closer.
Hey, everybody, enough! All
right, I'm the coach!
And I say my brother is
starting, so he's starting.
You're the coach?
Yeah, Polacco!
Where have you been, huh?
I'm holding the clipboard.
Are you holding the clipboard?
Oh, I didn't think so! All
right, anybody else holding a
clipboard...
please raise your clipboard!
You bring that from home?
Yeah.
Borrowed it from my dad.
Now I'm the only one holding
a clipboard.
All right, so is there any
more insubordination...
before I finish figuring
out this line-up?
You have no idea how badly
I want to think of something
else to say.
Well, time's up!
All right, here's our line-up.
First, John Mazzello, shortstop.
Second, Arthur Barone, DH.
Third, Ty Dellamonica, 3rd base.
Fourth, Mike Triana, left field.
Fifth, Chris Zapata, 2nd.
Sixth, Brian "Botch" Rocco,
1st.
Seventh, Pat Murray, center
field.
Eighth, Vinnie Malzahn, in
right.
And ninth, Jon Garvey, catcher.
Pitching is Jonathan
Dellamonica.
And on the bench are Ryan
Polacco and David Stein.
Everybody got that?
Let's win.
Batter... up...
Hear that call...
The time has come
for one and all
To play ball
We are the members of the
all-American team
We come from cities
near and far
We are Wops and Micks too
Hispanics and a Jew
We're all for one
We're one for all
We are all-American
Two, three, four, one--
Ah shoo-bee-doo-wop
Aw, shit, gawd, I missed it.
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
Mm, ooh, morning.
Nothing like a little dip
after some ice cream.
You know what I mean?
Hey, Brian, how you doing?
Hi, Joey.
How's Johnny Boy doing?
He'll bounce back.
You got time, you got time.
Stay with it! Stay with it!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
There it is... nice out.
A little sluggish out
there today.
It's gonna be a long day.
We want a double
Just a little double
D-O-U-B-L-E
Double double double
How's Pat?
He's taking it harder than
Johnny. Your boy earned it.
Is he going to try again
next year?
He got an offer to play in an
independent in Arizona
and to play in Italy,
but it's up to him.
Ah, it's a shame, you know,
it's like winning the lottery.
It's such a long shot.
It's just a shame,
the window is so short.
That's you, Maz.
That's three, there you go.
But you know what? If he wants
to go, I've got my plane ticket.
Give me a B
You got your B you got your B
Give me an A
You got your A you got your A
Give me a You got your T you got your T
Now what
You don't want none of us
Boo-yah what boo-yah what
boo-yah yeah
Somebody needs to tell those
guys to shut the fuck up.
Zapata, zap, zap, zap... zap.
What's up, bro?
Nothing, man.
Oh, by the way, I was watching
you take those ground balls
out there.
You really gotta get down
on those.
You know what'll really help?
Tell you right now.
What would help me?
You just take that non glove
hand of yours, right?
Which would be your... right.
I'm a righty, yeah, right.
You take that non-glove hand,
you just pop it on top of that
glove, pop, pop, pop.
Do that again.
Pop, pop, pop.
Make the sound, if it helps.
It does, it does.
I promise, they'll come to you,
just like that.
Really lessen the chances of it
getting away from you, if it
takes a weird hop.
Garvey, that's great insight,
brother. Hey, you're the man,
thank you so much.
Thanks, man. Think about it.
Don't touch me.
Think about it when you're
on the field next.
I will, thank you so much.
All right.
Hey batter
what's the matter
Can't you take
a little chatter
Swing... batter, batter, batter!
Strike.
Let's go, Maz!
How much do you want to bet
he hits one out of here
first at bat?
I'm not gonna bet against Maz,
bro.
Harass him harass him
Make him relinquish the ball
What the hell
is with these guys, man?
( CHANTING CONTINUES )
We good?
We're good you're bad
We're good you're bad
( CHANTING CONTINUES )
No.
What do you mean, no?
I'm not bunting
in a summer league.
You're not even
giving the same signs.
What are you saying?
Steal?
You can't steal first, Garvey!
I know, I'm just saying--
Barone, whatever I tell you
to do, you have to do!
Yeah, whatever, dipshit.
I hope you get out, Barone!
Yeah.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
You're welcome, Ty.
Should I have him steal now or--
Shut up, Garvey.
Okay.
What's up, bro?
Dude... you know, if your last
name was Martinez...
you would have been drafted.
You really believe that?
Hell, yeah, I believe that.
Really?
Hell yeah, bro, look, we're the
hot new ethnicity right now.
You know? Scouts can't see
past that shit.
If a scout sees a Latino dude
who can't hit...
can't field for shit,
but he's fast
you know what they call it?
'Raw talent'.
I swear, man, it's like their
new way of calling us spics
or some shit.
Bro, they can call me Speedy
Fucking Gonzales...
as long as they draft me, shit.
Seriously, I'll step in the
batters box wearing a poncho.
You know what I mean?
I'm not saying there aren't
plenty of our guys who deserve
it
but shit, my boy Maz
deserves it, too.
It's your size too, John.
They overlook guys like you.
But if a 6' 5" goon steps up,
who couldn't hit water if he
fell out of a boat
man, they all start salivating.
As long as he has size...
looks like he has power, they
think they can teach him to hit.
Let me tell you something.
If he hasn't learned how
to hit in 21 years...
it's ain't gonna happen!
It doesn't matter.
It's steroids! That shit is
everywhere in the college game.
Even guys at STAC are doing it.
Then they get drafted,
they get tested in the minors
and they have to stop
doing it...
and then they end up getting
dropped in a year
but it takes spots away
from guys like Maz...
who are doing it on fucking
ice cream and sprinkles!
Who wants that life though,
really?
I mean, especially
if you suck?
And you're stuck in some
bullshit town in what, Iowa?
Playing Single A ball
somewhere for a couple years
getting paid nothing, spend your
life on a shitty bus
staying at Motel 7's and 8's.
I'm telling you, man, that is a
miserable, miserable existence.
Shit, I'd give anything
for that.
Fuck, yeah.
Yo, Fotch? You were drafted,
right?
Yeah, I vaguely remember
that, yeah.
It was that long ago, huh?
Well, I'll never forget the day
the horse and carriage...
rode up to my cottage and
delivered the telegram.
So, whatever happened with that?
I hurt my shoulder.
It refused to cooperate.
Uh-huh... and what happened?
I was playing center and I was
trying to throw this guy out
at home and something just
snapped. It was terrible.
I had a SLAP tear.
I tried surgery after surgery,
but nothing worked.
Finally the doctor, he suggested
something more experimental...
and I just had to let it go.
Do you have a gnarly scar?
Yeah.
Can I see it?
Sure.
There it is.
Oh, shit.
Whoa, hey, man,
that looks pretty bad-ass.
So, at least you got that.
Yeah, I lost 35 percent
of my range of motion...
and I'm highly vulnerable to
re-injury, so--
You're like Samuel L. Jackson
from Unbreakable.
So why do you even do
this league?
Well, I play first base now
obviously...
'cause there's a lot
less throwing.
But... ah... it's the game,
it's got a hold on me.
So I play it when I can.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
You're out! You're out!
Double play.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
What the hell was that, Barone,
why didn't you slide?
Because I was dead to rights.
Bullshit, you didn't want
to get your uniform dirty!
Well, maybe you should get a hit
next time and we won't be in
this situation.
Yeah, yeah, now I remember
where I know this guy from.
Yeah, he was that 'lights out'
closer for St. Thomas Aquinas
this year
except when they got to the
conference playoffs
I think he blew it for his team
and STAC was eliminated.
Hey, everybody...
don't worry if this guy
pitches tough now, okay?
When the pressure is on,
he chokes it away!
Hey! Knock it off.
What's that, Shatter?
You say something,
Brittle Bones?
Give me another one.
You talking to me, Osteoporosis?
We want a pitcher
not a belly itcher
We want a catcher
not a belly scratcher
No, no, no, you need to--
Yeah, right. You're right,
that's what it is, though.
Oh, god, bench bets?
Barone, it's bench bet time.
What are bench bets?
What's a bench bet?
Are you fucking kidding me?
How do you of all people not
know about bench bets?
Half your life is spent
on the bench.
Oh, no, I play, I play...
I've played.
Yes, you have.
Bench bets, David,
is a gentleman's game...
that one plays on the bench...
at a baseball game so you
don't die of boredom, okay?
Oh, I like that.
Yeah, it's good.
You will.
Well, I'm excited again.
Okay.
All right, I'll start us off,
nice and fresh, nice and easy.
I bet the next at bat lasts
exactly five pitches.
Okay, all right, okay, I got
100 bucks on six.
What the fuck is wrong with you?
I said it's a gentleman's game.
I thought you were Jewish,
for one!
Why are you coming with $100?
How about we start it for $5?
Is that all okay with you,
fucking money bags McGee?
I'm just ruining stereotypes
in your head, huh?
Yeah, well, I don't like that.
It's blowing your mind.
No, don't like it.
Fine, $5.
If you want to be cheap,
you know, but okay.
Bands will make her dance
Band to make her dance
I got four on the under.
No, you can't get four and
under, it's the exact number.
I have four and under.
Yeah, I'm six and over then.
You can't have six and over.
I don't get five and you get
everything else!
Okay, it's like I just said.
I'm gonna write it down.
Don't you write that down.
Don't you dare write that down.
Don't you write that down!
I'm writing it down, though.
He's writing it right there.
[UMPIRE HAZE]
Strike three!
Ooh, talk dirty to me.
No, because that's three!
That's three, so nobody wins!
That's three, so nobody wins,
there you go.
I had four and under.
You don't--
I had four and under! Witness?
You're my fucking witness.
Oh, he witnessed it, did he?
Did he witness it?
Well, I witnessed it, too.
I refute your account of the
events
thus nullifying your testimony
as per Plessy vs. Ferguson--
Yeah, well, I witnessed it, too,
fuckface!
Gavel banged, give me my Euros.
Don't you gavel bang me!
You already said--
Yeah, give me my money.
Pounds? Pounds?
You get those fingers
out of my face!
That's it! Bench bets are off.
Fuck!
And I hope you two are happy.
It's like my grandmother said...
Expect to have fun, forget it.
Now you're gonna have to sit
here and watch baseball.
That is your punishment.
I mean, for fuck's sake.
Do I need to go to the dentist?
H-O H-O-M
H-O-M-E-R-U-N
Home run Adrian
Home run Adrian
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Hey, Schwartz! What are you on a
team with a bunch of fucking
girls with your softball chants?
You guys sing.
It's not the same!
Are we bothering you, Murray?
I really don't like these
fucking guys!
Change of plans.
You're not allowed to get tired.
I'm keeping you in the entire
game, no matter what.
Show these guys what you can do.
Don't make me look stupid.
You guys were saying you got
some opportunity to play
independent ball.
Opportunity might be a stretch,
but yeah, I got some offers.
You gonna take them?
I don't know.
You know anything about these
leagues out west?
Yeah, I mean, definitely every
year a handful of guys get
drafted from those leagues.
I just don't know if it's worth
it to go through all that again.
You know, put the work in,
uproot my life...
and still not make it?
It just seems like a waste
of my time.
Well, there's no doubt the road
gets harder from here
but the road's always friggen
hard, no matter what you want.
You know, when my second
surgery was a bust?
I went to this rehab place
to get my arm back
to at least functioning
and this beautiful girl...
was assigned to help me
with the day to day.
Just the cutest thing
I'd ever seen.
Anyway... I married her.
We're married now.
I guess what I'm saying is...
sometimes the end of one journey
without even knowing it...
it can be the beginning
of another one.
Anyway, for what it's worth.
All right, Tree, let's get some
runs off this big shot!
Not a great start.
Strike one.
Strike two.
Strike three!
Wow, same pitch...
you fucking idiot.
Son of a biscuit!
See, the problem is you're just
not getting your hands inside
the ball enough.
It's that simple.
That's not the problem, Garvey.
The problem is I'm terrible.
Strike two.
Ah, you gotta be kidding me!
If it's low, let it go,
you know?
Say it with me. If it's low--
Okay, you don't have to say it,
but if it's low, let it go.
Just stay away from anything
that's low and inside, alright?
It's not your strength.
It's not your strength.
You gotta lot of strengths,
that's not one of them.
Oh, forget it.
Strike three, you're gone!
[UMPIRE HAZE] Strike three!
Strike three!
Mine! Mine!
Made that shit look pretty.
Two hands, two hands over your
head, just like that.
You see what I'm doing right
there? Just guide that baby in.
All right? And you...
Dells, I really think that if
you went with a two-seamer...
instead of the change-up--
I don't have a two-seamer,
Garvey.
Strike three!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Oh, boy, oh, shit!
Come on, man.
Yeah, I'm showing bunt.
I'm showing bunt
and then I drop back.
101 here, boys.
Get comfortable, we're gonna
be here a while.
I like to work the count.
Foul off some pitches.
You know how it is.
I bailed a little bit.
I bailed it a little bit.
I can call my own here.
But now I'm dialed.
Now I'm in the zone.
Get ready to turn around, pitch.
This shit's gone--
Strike three.
Good stuff. Good delivery.
Good deception. See ya'.
Keep it nice and tight.
Nice and tight.
You know? Keep it in.
Keep that elbow in.
There's nothing wrong with
serving one into the outfield.
You know what I mean?
Wait, were you talking to me
this whole time?
You know I'm not playing, right?
Hm... hm.
I'm just saying, I think if you
were to develop a two-seamer...
it would make you a hell
of a lot more dynamic
against a team like this.
I'm pitching a two-hitter,
Garvey!
That's two too many.
That's two too many.
All right?
Strike three!
Are you fucking serious?
They don't get any better
than that.
Is that a joke?
I coulda' hit that.
Come on. I mean, dude,
it was way outside my zone.
Way outside, both ways!
Both ways, blue.
I mean, come on.
You got nothing to say.
There's an earthiness to his
tone that is unparalleled.
Okay? His voice is transcendent.
Brian is the emotional core of
the band! Okay, end of story.
Thank you, David!
Nick is the guy people
wanna hear, man.
It's always been about Nick.
Think of it this way, okay?
All of their hits...
Nick starts every single
one of them.
Because he's Brian's opening
act, you fucking idiot!
Oh, whatever, man.
Just shut up,
you little corn cob.
A.J.'s the one who can't
be ignored, obviously.
He smolders... just smoke, man.
On one hand, he's like,
'Yo, I don't give a shit''
On the other hand, he's like...
'I'm gonna nonchalantly slap...
your grandma with the best
fucking vocals you ever heard.
You know I've heard some shit
before, Barone...
but that is the biggest one
I ever heard.
You know you like him 'cause he
bloody well looks like you.
Yeah, he does.
He's a very attractive man.
If bone structure is a
consideration...
which it should be.
Bone structure's nothing
to do with it.
This is straight-up vocal
talent!
[UMPIRE HAZE]
Strike three! You're gone!
This is how it goes.
No, what it is--
Just shut up! All right, we're
gonna settle this right now.
Shut up, first one in.
Whatever.
Hey, Zapata, how are you?
Question.
Objectively speaking...
who is the greatest
Backstreet Boy of all time?
Brian.
And you can put it
on the board!
Yes, how does that taste?
No, no, wait... you said Brian?
Yeah.
Nick.
No! You already said Brian.
Bullshit.
He's already said Brian--
get your hand out of my face!
Don't you touch that money!
Don't you touch that money!
Give me my money back.
Put that money back down!
That's it!
The integrity of the bet
has been compromised.
Bench bets are over, again...
for the second and final time.
Fine.
As a side note, can we just
agree that Justin Timberlake
is a blatant rip off of Nick
Carter in every single way...
and doesn't hold a candle
to his vocal prowess?
I mean... was that ever
in doubt, though?
JT thinks he's so cool.
You can call it a strike,
if you want, all day long.
I don't care. That's your job...
by all means.
Ump... I'm hoping you're gonna
umpire the game...
because you haven't been doing
it all day.
I'm not gonna swing at a pitch
that's a foot outside--
Foul ball!
But call it a strike.
Call it a strike.
Foul ball! Strike two.
Time!
What?
What are you calling time for?
Don't worry, all right?
I got this. Yeah!
What's up?
So, I'm over in the dugout,
right? And I'm watching your
last at-bat.
And I'm watching this one,
I'm sitting there thinking...
"Garvey, what can I do? Tell Maz
you're a little off right now."
And I realized, the second the
pitcher goes into the wind-up--
Garvey!
The day that I need advice
from you...
is the day that I kill myself.
Oh, shit! Smackdown!
Yeah, Garv!
Come on, Garv,
bring it back in here, buddy!
Aw! So real!
Walk it off.
The pain is so fresh.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Yeah, there we go!
Come on! come on! Three!
Slide!
Down!
Hey, that's the Johnny Boy
I know!
Yeah! There we go!
Now let's get something going!
Ball three.
Ball four. Take your base.
Fuck.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
[TY]
Oh, he lost it in the sun.
It's too bright.
Go, go, go, go!
Nice.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Yay for Ty!
Ball four, take your base.
He's reeling.
This will be a fast ball,
right down the middle.
Home, home, home!
[PLAYER]
You've got your cut!
[TY]
Home! Home, home, home!
Home!
What?
Oh, you fucking idiot, Barone!
What? I told you to go!
Why didn't you run?
Relax, Clifford, I would have
been out by a fucking mile.
Bullshit! He hit the
fucking backstop!
Even a perfect fucking throw
would have scored you!
Are you afraid to slide?
Naw.
You wanna keep your fucking
uniform clean...
that fucking bad?
It's called bleach, Barone!
I'm sure your little girlfriend
will be happy...
to keep it clean for you!
Fuck you, Ty!
Don't talk about my girlfriend.
You're getting fucking dirty.
No. Hey, stop.
You're getting fucking dirty
right fucking now!
Hey, stop, you stop,
I'm being serious!
Stop! Hey!
Motherfucker!
You're acting fucking crazy,
stop. Stop!
Get off me! You're crazy,
we're in the middle of a game!
You remind me of a crazed fan.
Stop! It smells like lavender!
What in god's name are you
two morons doing?
Break it up!
He's threatening me!
Hey, you want some?
I don't care if Murray hits
a home fucking run!
You are sliding into home!
Let's get back to the game,
ladies.
I'll slide into your mom...
your mom's home.
[BARONE]
Fucking idiot.
I'll score.
Strike one.
Sorry, Garv, it's been
a bad day.
Hey, don't worry about it, man.
I get it.
Kind of dumb of me to give
you advice, anyway.
Well, you know, it kind
of worked... I got a hit.
Yeah... yeah, I guess it did.
I tell you what... if you ever
need me to annoy you again...
just let me know, I'll be there.
Okay.
Strike two.
Murray's gonna strike out again,
isn't he?
Yeah, probably.
Strike three! That's all.
Oh, boy.
Bases fucking loaded!
Bases fucking loaded!
Fucking idiot! Stupid!
Bases loaded!
Fucking idiot! Piece of shit!
Should I go talk to him?
Stupid, fucking stupid!
Uh, maybe you should just
let him get it out.
Fucking idiot!
You all right, there, Murray?
Fucking idiot!
A little Murray worry?
You all right there,
little buddy?
Want to have a little catch?
Nice, fun times?
Hey, hi.
Fuck!
Ball!
Got one.
( YELLING CONTINUES )
How much you want to bet
Murray kills someone...
before the end of the game?
What the fuck are you doing?
( YELLING CONTINUES )
Wow, he is still going.
Well, there is something wrong
with that boy.
Does he do this at home?
Here you go.
Oh, shit!
Hey! What the fuck was that?
What?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Oh, shut up, Zapata, I'm just
throwing the ball in.
I'm standing five fucking
feet from you!
You trying to take my head off?
I was just throwing it in!
Catch the ball, Zapata,
how about that?
Really? Really?
Maybe catch the fucking ball.
Catch the fucking ball?
Yeah, catch it!
Standing five fucking feet--
One time in your life!
Well, this is gonna get ugly.
What the fuck was that? Huh?
Such a fucking baby, Murray!
Why don't you grow the fuck up!
You're the one whining about me
throwing the ball in!
Yeah, you're so fucking--
stop throwing that at me...
as hard as you can, because
your ass can't hit!
You fucking suck at baseball,
bro! Deal with the shit!
You throw like a bitch!
And you bat .250!
Patrick, relax!
Shut the fuck up, Dad!
Yeah?
That's my boy.
At least I don't yell at myself
about it for an hour...
like a fucking lunatic!
You're a fucking psychopath!
I'll show you a psychopath!
I'll take a bat, and shove
it up your ass!
Say that to my fucking ankle,
bitch!
Go wash my dishes!
I'll beat your fucking white--
Whoa! Whoa!
Chill out, Murray!
Murray, chill out!
What is wrong with these guys?
Hey, quit it, both of you!
Sit down! Sit down!
Everyone can hear you.
Murray, sit down!
I'm not gonna sit down!
Why are you so angry?
Everything! Everything!
I know I can't hit, Zapata! Huh?
You think I don't know that?
But John can hit! And he
should have been drafted!
I mean, we kill ourselves
for 15 years...
with this stupid, fucking game
for what? For nothing!
We bleed it, we breathe it!
You're not gonna cry, are you?
And people like you... Polacco.
You've got all the fucking
talent in the world.
They brought you in from across
an ocean to play baseball.
And you wasted it!
If you hadn't spent your entire
sorry college career...
partying every fucking night...
it could have been you we're
saying should have been drafted!
Wait, so let me get this clear,
even the fantasy version...
of my life, I still don't
get drafted?
You had a gift.
And you wasted it.
But John didn't waste it.
He gave it everything he had,
every day!
And if he'd been drafted,
it would have been like...
we all got drafted,
because he's one of us!
And I wanted it for him.
It's bullshit.
This whole, fucking world
is bullshit.
Nobody gets what they deserve,
good or bad.
You still didn't have
to throw it--
Oh, shut the fuck up, Zapata!
What's up? What's the matter?
Dad, I think this is it.
What do you mean?
I think this is my last game.
I shouldn't have come today,
it's stupid...
this game's meaningless.
Everybody's at each other''
throats.
Everyone is doing their own
thing. There's no leadership.
Ty tries, but nobody cares.
I'm not helping anybody
being here today.
It's too hard.
Well, you can't leave now,
you're already here.
Yeah, I know, I'm not gonna
leave in the middle of the game.
Well, that's what you just said.
Well, it's not what I meant!
Before you start saying that
this is my last game...
why don't you give it a couple
days sleep, all right?
I mean, you should go
with these guys...
if you win, go to Ocean City.
I care about Ocean City, Dad.
Strike three! You're gone.
Cool, all right, sweet.
I'm on deck, forget it.
Whoa, wh-- hey, Johnny?
Listen, you do what you want.
I'm just trying to give you
some advice here.
Yeah, look where that got me.
Everything all right?
Yeah.
Okay, shut your faces,
listen up!
This game, this one here,
is a lot more fun...
when you actually hit the ball.
Am I right, guys?
Sit down, Vinnie.
Did you say sit down...
or get down?
'Cause I'm about to break out...
some of my best slump-buster
moves on this bitch.
Oh, shit! Oh, shit.
Strike three!
I'm so sexy and so awesome
I'm also totally awesome
What's up Garvey
Hey, buddy, mm, mm,
gettin' low.
Gettin' low, gettin' low,
get low.
Now dodge and weave,
and get it on, get it on--
Vinnie--
What's up, Garv?
You're making me very
uncomfortable.
Please stop.
I'm pecking at you.
I'm pecking at you, baby.
Will you sit down, already?
Hey, Murr, what's up?
That's weird.
You know, Santa Claus could walk
into this dugout right now...
with an armful of gifts, you
would still tell him to f-off.
Don't you start with me,
too, okay?
Hey, just relax and watch the
game, it's one-nothing.
Tell your gay lover to stop
dancing in my way...
so I can watch the fucking game.
Can I say something?
You're very rude.
Oh, shit.
Hey! Whoa! What was that?
What was that? What was that!
Hey, ump! What the hell
was that?
Well, don't ask me,
I didn't throw it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
it was a bad pitch, dude.
I think your brother's
thrown a couple.
Oh, you think I'm fucking
stupid? Huh?
He just happens to lose control
against the guy...
who got a triple off of him?
Why would I want to put
a runner on?
'Cause you're cocky, that's why.
You want an apology?
The guy didn't even get hit!
It was an accident. Ump, can we
please get back to the game?
Let's go.
No, no, no, I want my
complaint on record.
Oh, I will be sure to mention
it to the commissioner.
Hope he doesn't lose control
next time you get up!
Oh, make my fucking day!
He knew what he was doing.
Let's go, Maz.
What do you say, 14, let's go!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
[TY]
Go, baby. Go, baby.
Go, baby.
[PLAYER]
Nice catch.
Ah, shit!
Hey! Head's up!
This is the final inning!
Let's hold 'em here!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Our team is tick tick tick
tick boom dynamite
Boom dynamite boom dynamite
Boom dynamite boom dynamite
Garvey.
Uh, no warm-up this inning,
all right?
Does your arm hurt?
No, I'm just loose already.
Let's go.
All right.
Guys... sit off-speed.
Hey, hey, sit off-speed,
sit off-speed.
Hey, Dells...
isn't this about when you start
to choke things away?
Hey! Shut your mouth
or I'm gonna shut it for you!
Here we go!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
( CHATTER CONTINUES )
Pitchers in a hole
ten feet deep
Can't get out
'cause he's got no heat
Say what no heat
Say what no heat
He's losing his velocity.
Get 'em over, Dells.
Hi.
This is a big moment, Dells.
I'm glad we're sharing
this together.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Oh, not again.
Two ducks on a pond
We need a home run
Quack quack
Quack quack
Two ducks on a pond
We need a home run
Quack quack
Quack quack
( ALL QUACKING )
Ball one.
Get off your knees, Dells,
you're blowing the game.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
[MAN IN CROWD] Hope you got
your degree, pitcher!
[MAN IN CROWD] Come on, big
brother, get him out of there!
Let's go now, Dells, come on.
[MAN IN CROWD] Somebody get this
guy a bucket. He's throwing up.
[UMPIRE HAZE]
Ball three.
Let's go, Dells!
You know what, Dells?
I dare you to throw a strike.
Chardy, I don't care if he
throws it underhand...
you are taking.
Yeah, I'm gonna finish this
at-bat with my eyes closed.
( DRAMATIC MUSIC FADES UP )
Ball four.
Bye-bye, I'll miss you.
You know, maybe I'll bat lefty
next time...
even things out a little bit.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Time.
[PLAYER] Don't take him out,
he's our best player!
You got anything left?
I'm not coming out.
I'm not taking you out.
Do you have anything left?
I don't know.
Guys, can you give us a second?
If we lose, it's not your fault.
All right, forget about
the playoffs.
Forget about what happened
at STAC.
All right, it's not your fault.
So don't throw one more pitch
worried about...
losing it for your team,
losing it for me.
All right?
I already know you're great.
So, get in there,
throw strikes...
maybe we get an "At 'em" ball,
we get out of this jam.
Hm? Yeah.
Nothing he said is gonna help
you get out of this.
( CROWD CHEERING )
Agh!
Oh, no.
Oh, let's go!
Tim!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Guys!
No!
Come on!
Back off!
Murray, no!
Fuck! Motherfucker!
Zach, Zach!
Bitch! Get off me!
( ALL YELLING )
( YELLING CONTINUES )
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
Stay down!
Hey! Put the bat down!
Just breathe, Garv, all right?
Try and relax.
Take some nice, deep breaths,
( DISTANT SIRENS APPROACHING )
( CROWD APPLAUDS )
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Tyler Dellamonica and Vinnie
Malzahn?
Present.
Stand up, please.
Come this way, guys.
That's good. Turn around, put
your hands behind your back.
Come on.
Just do it.
Hey, you can't do that,
they didn't do anything!
Hey, easy, easy.
They're not the one putting
somebody in the hospital.
Calm down, alright?
Everybody over there, listen
to me and just calm down.
But this is bullshit!
Hey, be quiet
or I'll arrest you, too.
I didn't do anything.
Doesn't matter, we're cops.
What's wrong with your friend?
Well, you're really making
a difference.
Say goodbye, gentlemen.
Finish the game.
Finish the game!
Well, I hate to break
it to you...
but we're gonna have
to call it a day.
We're gonna have to ask you
to disperse.
Send everybody home.
Wait, wait, so we're not gonna
finish the game?
We're not gonna finish the game.
You can't do that!
We wanna finish!
You gotta let us keep going!
After everything that's happened
I don't think it's a good idea.
You have to let us finish this.
Nothing's gonna happen, all
right? It's over.
We settled this, it's done.
We just want to play.
Yeah.
So both teams, you both
want to finish?
Of course, we do, we're winning!
Look, man, we just want
to play baseball. That's it.
[CROWD] Let 'em play! Come on,
let 'em play!
It's up to you guys.
[CROWD]
Let 'em play! Let 'em play!
Chad Hart... you're ejected
from the game!
That's right.
Everybody else,
we're playing on!
But hey, hey, just know,
if anything else happens...
there will be consequences.
You are all responsible.
We're okay with that.
Thank you. I can promise you,
nothing else is gonna happen.
I'm hitting the first
fucking guy up!
What?
I'm gonna put it right
in his fucking ear!
Dells, we just told them that
nothing was gonna happen.
Well, they think they can just
get my brother arrested...
and get away with it? Bullshit!
Hey! Look at me. Look at me!
We get back at these guys
by winning, you hear me?
Now let's go out there
and win this game.
I need your head in the game.
Just give me the ball.
Give me the ball!
All right, all right, all right.
All right, everybody listen up.
Come on, bring it in,
bring it in.
As you can probably tell,
everyone's gotta play.
We lost three guys,
so... everybody's in.
David, I'm putting you in right.
Polacco, I want you at third.
What do you think?
I'll play wherever you need me.
Okay, great, that's where
you're going.
Barone... catcher.
Yeah, I can catch.
I mean, I can play anywhere,
too.
Yeah. Garvey's stuff is gonna
be a little small on you.
I'll make it work.
All right, why don't you go
ahead and suit up.
Guys, we're winning this game.
Everybody hear me?
We're winning the game.
Yeah.
Let's go!
Yeah! Let's go!
Hey, where's my stuff?
This sucks.
Hey... can you see anything?
Barely.
All right, guys, we're gonna
stay here for now...
so, just relax.
Could you turn the car around,
so we can watch the game?
No.
Please! Come on!
Could you at least
adjust the mirrors...
so we can watch it in the
reflection?
All right.
Yes!
Tell me when, boys.
More.
You're way off.
More, more, more, more, more.
I don't even know where you are.
Come on, gimme more.
More, way more, you're all sky
right now, you're all sky.
More, more, more.
More, more.
Now you went too far.
Back a little back.
Scalpel!
Center it!
There it is! There it is!
Stop, stop, stop.
Thank you.
That's nice.
That's a nice frame.
All right, I'll be back.
Well, wait, where are you going?
I'm going to watch the game.
Again, your friends, man.
Uh... Maz?
What's wrong with him?
Well, he said he's gonna
hit the next guy.
You're joking.
No, no, it's not good.
So if he does...
get ready to run.
Got this... that's right,
I got this.
[UMPIRE HAZE]
All right, let's go.
( CROWD CHEERING )
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Let's go, Wolfe!
( DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING )
Strike!
Good pitch, Dells.
That's two.
What did this guy do steroids
during break?
Strike three.
That a boy, Dells.
Strike!
Pick your pitch, Alex.
You got him scared, Dells.
Yeah, we're up two runs,
we're petrified.
Let's go, Dells.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Yeah, baby! That a boy,
Jonathan, yes!
Give me, uh-- head butt, head
butt.
That's okay, now...
come on, we're up two runs.
Let's put 'em away right here.
Nice job, Dells.
Let's win this.
All right, listen up.
All right, all right, Polacco,
you're up after Murray.
David, when we get to you,
you're up in Garvey's place.
Dells, you're gonna bat
for your brother.
Let's have smart at-bats up
there, okay? Smart at-bats.
I don't want to see anybody
chasing any junk.
But if you see something,
get after it!
We've seen this guy for seven
innings now.
He's gonna start you all off
with a fastball...
because he thinks you can't
catch up to it, but you can.
His out pitch is that little
slider he likes to throw.
Look for that with two strikes.
Don't give him anything
for free.
I want him to work for every
single thing!
You got it?
Yeah!
Got it?
Hell, yeah!
All right, now get up
on the fence!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Keep the chatter up, okay?
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
Foul.
All right, Zap, pick a pitch
now, babe.
Hey, Maz.
You got a Z-A-P-A
Fotch, Fotch, what's going on?
Jeez.
Hey, don't worry. I'll get on.
Can you move it?
Well, it doesn't matter...
but I'll get on.
We can't let you go up
there and make it any worse.
Believe me, there's nothing I
could possibly do...
to make it any worse, okay?
Foul ball.
If I don't get up,
we have to forfeit.
We don't have enough guys,
and we can't switch at-bats.
Go, go, go, go, come on!
Fuck!
Hey, guys, I'll get on.
They call me, Mr. Glass.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
It's all right, they're
still gonna lose.
Hey, chin up. We're still
in this.
We're gonna get to this guy,
man. Let's go!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Come on, Fotchy.
Nut up!
Foul ball!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
[UMPIRE HAZE]
Foul ball!
Damn it.
Inside! One and two!
Foul ball.
Oh, my gosh.
What?
He's doing it on purpose.
What do you mean?
He's trying to walk.
[UMPIRE HAZE] Foul ball.
He can't use his right arm.
He doesn't have the power
to catch up to these balls...
enough to put them in play...
so he's trying to walk.
Two and two!
That wily son of a gun.
He's my hero.
Good eye, Fotch.
Heart.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Foul.
Foul.
Foul ball.
Ooh... snap.
Well, now we have to win.
My uncle can fix that for you.
Don't worry about it.
It's all right.
It's all right.
Foul.
Killing me.
Please!
Foul. Strike him out!
[ZAPATA] You stallion!
You're a stallion!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Full count.
Damn it!
Stay focused!
Shut up!
Ball four.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
I can't hear myself.
Come on!
Any advice?
Get a hit.
Thanks.
Please don't blow this.
Please don't blow this.
Please don't blow this.
There's so many people here.
Please don't blow this right
now. Please don't blow this.
Please, please don't blow this.
Come on, come through one time.
Come on, Patty, come on, kid.
Don't blow it, don't blow it,
don't blow it!
Don't blow it, don't blow it.
Foul ball!
Okay, all right.
It's got to be the fastball.
He's gotta come back with a
fastball, okay, I need you to
get around on it.
Gotta be the fastball.
Please throw a fastball.
Just throw me a fastball,
one time.
Throw me a fucking fastball
right now.
Throw me a fastball.
Fastball, fastball, fastball.
( CROWD CHEERING )
Dig, dig, dig!
Safe!
I forgive you, Murray!
He's my hero now!
Way to go, Pat!
I guessed! I fucking guessed!
Yes! I'm not out!
Time!
[MURRAY]
Let's go! Let's go, Polacco!
[MURRAY]
Kill him! Murder him! Let's go!
You all right?
Yeah, I'm good.
I can finish it.
Get this done.
You sure?
Yeah, I got this.
Then stop dicking around,
get outta here and go home.
Have a beer, whatever.
Okay.
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Come on, Polac.
( CROWD CHEERING )
Get down!
No, no, hold up! Hold up!
One base, one base!
Blue! Time.
Oh! Fucking bullfrogs.
More like the bull--
more like the bullshits.
You get it?
Old school with that,
old school with that.
Ah, yeah!
Yeah!
Let's go, bro! You got this!
Fuckin' weirdo.
You got this, bro!
That's it.
I can finish it.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
You guys better win this.
They're bringing in that closer.
Who?
Tommy Dorehty, the double A
closer...
the Phillies are grooming.
Is he good?
Yeah... yeah, he's good.
Hey. Look at me.
Yeah.
Everybody gets a moment...
in life, in love... in sports.
This is your moment.
Don't be afraid of it.
Don't shy away from it.
Embrace it.
It's time for you to start
believing in yourself...
because we all believe in you.
It's your time.
Go get 'em.
Okay.
Time, Ump. Time.
[DELLS]
David?
What's up?
Hey.
Hey.
Yeah.
Um, you need to strike out.
Pardon?
Yeah, you need to strike out.
What? Why?
Because you stink, David.
Yeah.
And Maz is up next, so...
if you magically happen
to accidently find a way...
to make contact with any
of these pitches...
and you hit into a double
play...
then the game is over
and we lose...
with the best fucking hitter
I've ever seen...
sitting in the on-deck circle.
I'm not gonna be okay with that.
Ty is really not gonna be okay
with that.
Do you understand?
Yeah.
Okay, so you need to turn
around...
you get in that batter's box...
and you strike out on three
pitches...
without ever presenting
a threat...
you march your ass back
to that dugout...
so we actually have a chance
to win this game.
Do you understand?
I won't hit the ball,
if they paid me!
That's what I like to hear!
Now you get up there and you
strike out...
like you've never struck out
before, you hear me?
Yeah. Yeah!
Go get 'em! Go get' em!
David?
Huh?
I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of me, too, Dells!
Proud of me, too!
What did you tell him?
I told him to strike out.
You're a genius, bro.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Strike one!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Fuck! Hit the ball,
we want to fucking win!
[TREE] Stay focused!
[ZAPATA] There you go, D!
Strike two.
Strike two!
Sorry, that's-- sorry.
One more! Let's go! One more!
He's good. You're good!
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Yeah, dude, just be a pussy.
Come on!
Ball... strike three?
Yes!
( ALL YELLING )
Yeah!
Can't touch the Backstreet Bat,
dude!
( ALL YELLING )
I did good! I did good!
You know, some people
just need fucking medicine.
They do.
( LOUD THUD )
Oh! Oh, shit.
Tree, you okay?
You all right, you okay?
Yeah... yeah.
Uh... time, again!
All right, well...
I don't know what the fuck
that was all about...
but it doesn't matter.
I don't want to bother you,
look--
Just focus on the task
at hand, okay?
Strike this next guy out
and let's go home winners.
That's not gonna happen.
What's not?
You're not going to strike him
out. He doesn't strike out.
Everybody strikes out, Schwartz.
Yeah, but he's got the lowest
number of strikeouts...
in the league, with the most
number of at bats.
Maz doesn't strike out.
Okay, yeah, that was against
a bunch of chumps.
He hasn't seen anyone
like me yet.
I'll get the job done.
I think you're wrong.
I think you should walk him.
Are you actively rooting
for us to lose?
I just think we should take our
chances against the next guy.
If the cops weren't still here,
I would slap you...
across your little, bitch face.
Hey, look, I'm not walking
anyone. Okay?
I'm striking this guy out.
So, please, Schwartzy,
get the fuck off my mound.
Okay.
Maz!
Go get 'em!
( DRAMATIC MUSIC FADES UP )
Come on, Maz!
Foul ball.
That was the pitch to hit.
Strike two!
Bullshit!
Oh, come on!
Bad call, blue!
Good pitch. Live there now,
live there. Let's go.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
Ball one.
Yeah, you saw that one,
you blind, fucking freak!
Be real careful.
Be real careful!
Patrick, if we lose because you
get thrown out of this game...
I'm gonna disown you!
[MAN IN CROWD]
Atta' boy, shut him up!
Shut him up, let's go!
Let's go!
I can't even watch this.
Just-- just let me know
when it's over, okay?
Come on, Mazzy! Come on!
Ball two.
Good eye! Good eye, Maz!
I am honestly going to barf.
Come on, Maz, come on.
Come on.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
All you, D.
Stay in the moment.
Just stay in the moment.
Foul ball.
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit, that was close.
I might have just shit myself,
I can't tell.
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
( MUSIC CHANGES )
( MUSIC CONTINUES )
( MUSIC FADES UP )
That's it. Run up on it!
( MUSIC CONTINUES )
Charge it, come on!
MAZ (V.O.)
Stay back. Don't reach.
JIM (V.O.)
If it's low, let it go.
Don't chase the high ones.
MAZ (V.O.)
Keep that elbow in.
Swing through the pitch.
If it's inside, swing early.
Outside, wait on it.
JIM (V.O.)
Sit off-speed...
you're quick enough to catch
up to the fastball.
MAZ (V.O.)
Don't chase. Swing at strikes.
JIM (V.O.)
Look at the seams.
Look at his motion.
MAZ (V.O.)
Look at his eyes.
If it's outside, wait on it.
JIM (V.O.)
Short and sweet to the ball.
Think out, react in.
MAZ (V.O.) Explode through the
ball. Hips first.
JIM (V.O.)
Follow it into the bat.
MAZ (V.O.)
Look out for the cutter...
the splitter, the slider.
JIM (V.O.)
The change-up, curveball...
fastball, knuckle.
MAZ (V.O.)
Side-arm, submarine.
JIM (V.O.)
If it's outside, wait on it.
MAZ (V.O.)
Wait on it.
( CROWD CHEERING )
Get in the gap!
Get in the gap!
( TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING )
Come on, come on, come on!
Let's go! Let's go! Come on!
Get your ass home! Go!
Yeah, motherfucker!
Yeah!
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )
Yeah! Yeah!
( CHEERING CONTINUES )
Thank you.
Thank you.
Are you kidding me?
I told David to strike out
so you'd get up!
What?
I'm so sorry I threw the
ball at you so hard!
It's okay!
I dunno what I was thinking.
I could have really hurt you.
This makes the impending surgery
on my arm so worth it! Ow!
I love you, Maz!
That was for Garvey!
That was for Garvey.
( BASEBALL CHATTER )
[GIRL]
Yes!
The wall! Over the wall!
Yeah!
( GIRL SCREAMING )
[GIRL] I have chills everywhere,
dude.
[WOMAN] Maz hit--
all three came in?
[GIRL] Yeah.
[MAN] Way to go!
[GIRL] That was fuckin' nuts!
( SOFT MUSIC PLAYING )