Unfavorable Odds (2022) Movie Script
1
Brad.
Come on. We're gonna be late.
I'm hurrying.
Brad. We're gonna be late.
Hurry up!
Bra--
You know I have to leave
early this morning.
-Sorry, babe.
-I told you last night
I have a meeting
with a client this morning.
I didn't forget.
-Come on.
-I didn't forget.
Okay. All right,
come on, let's go.
Did they tell you when your car
is gonna be ready?
They had to order another part.
It should be ready tomorrow.
Oh, don't forget.
We have the appointment
at the fertility clinic
this afternoon.
-Oh. That's today?
-You forgot that, too?
I thought I told you
I was hanging out with Wes
and Kenny after work.
Can we reschedule?
I did reschedule.
It's just that Wes is
really busy with his firm.
It's tough to find time
with him.
Choosing Wes over us.
You don't want
to have kids anymore?
Oh, come on, honey,
don't say that.
What am I supposed to think?
You cancel every single time.
Oh, great.
This is exactly what I need.
You know what?
I can just walk from here.
It's five blocks, Brad.
I could use the exercise,
apparently.
-Well, that's true.
-I promise if you reschedule,
I'll make the next one.
-What is that?
-This is Scout's honor.
You were never a Scout.
Can you blame me?
Who wants to be...
Get out of here. Come on.
Go.
Go.
Love you.
Love you, too.
-Hey, hey, hey. Hey.
-Hey, hey.
-Hey, you want to try something?
-Give us something?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
-Oh! Oh!
-That's okay!
Appreciate it.
Good morning, gorgeous.
Good morning to you, too, Brad.
Notice anything different?
Hang on. Let me guess.
New outfit.
-No.
-Um, Botox?
No, silly. I got my hair cut.
Do you like it?
Oh, Martha,
if I wasn't married,
you'd have to keep me off
with a stick right now.
You're incorrigible.
Nigel's looking for you.
Yeah. Took a little bit
of a detour this morning.
-Did he mention he wanted?
-No.
-Okay.
-Good luck.
Thank you.
Martha, one more thing.
Do I look like
I'm gaining any weight to you?
-Just a little bit.
-Thanks, Martha.
Doris.
Still doing keto? Looking good.
Nigel's coming.
-Oh, he's coming.
-No! No!
You got a man crush.
You got a man crush.
You ready for him? Huh?
I'm gonna have to start taking
blood pressure medication.
Dude, what? Oh, wow. You're
still looking at that boat?
She's a beauty, isn't she?
I'm gonna get her
as soon as I get my bonus,
which is just enough to make
a down payment on this bad boy.
What are you gonna
do with a boat? Hmm?
The nearest lake's, like,
what, 100 miles from here?
Vacations.
Dude, you need to take
your bonus and take your wife
on a real vacation,
like normal people.
Why don't you understand?
The boat is the vacation. Okay?
And I know where
you were going with this.
It's not a bad investment.
If I had a wife like yours,
I would take her,
like, to Europe.
Or to one of those
Hawaiian cruises.
Nah, Victoria doesn't
like trips like that.
-Have you asked her?
-Don't you remember?
I took her for our anniversary
to that apple orchard.
She had a great --
I'm sorry. I didn't know
if I was gonna throw up
or start snoring
'cause it was boring.
That story's terrible.
Dude, we got free apples,
applesauce,
apple cider, apple --
- Oh, yeah. Wow.
- "Oh, my goodness!
Oh, my God!
Green apples are so great!
Please. Where do I sign up?"
Please.
You got to take her
on a real vacation.
Like somewhere balmy,
you know, beautiful beaches.
They got the cute
little umbrella drinks.
-I took her to Vegas.
-Oh, yeah.
That three-hour
timeshare presentation.
We got a free trip
to Vegas, man.
Mm, mm, mm.
If you weren't married,
you'd be a very lonely man.
This coming from a man
who's hiding
-from his girlfriend.
-Excuse me? Hiding?
Who? Where?
Who, me?
Oh, please. I don't hide, okay?
I'm on sabbatical.
That's, like,
almost like being on I.R.
Am I interrupting anything?
Kenny was just
helping me to finish.
We were just talking about
a few of these deals
that I'm about to close,
so I'm gonna leave.
He's all yours.
I don't think I have
to remind you
how important the Talbot
contract is to this company
and to your career.
In times like these,
I like to think of this company
as a well-oiled machine,
and we want to keep it that way.
You understand
what I'm saying, Bradley?
Yes. Yes, sir.
I like what
you've done with the office.
Close the Talbot account,
and you can keep the office.
Tracking with me?
-You can count on me, sir.
-Good lad.
Hm.
Yep.
-Don't start.
-Yep. I'm sorry.
Why do you look so pleased,
so satisfied, so relieved, even?
Your neck
is looking a little tense. No!
Hey, you keep talking
like that, all right?
'Cause you're the only one --
He's all up in your man space.
Soon he's gonna be
giving you facials. Be careful.
Okay? It's starting
to get intense in here.
With friends like you.
Listen. So we're still on?
For what?
-Shopping for Valentines?
-Dude, I almost had to pass.
Victoria scheduled our
fertility appointment for today.
You do know you should be going
to that appointment, right?
Yeah, I know.
Look, you have a wife.
All right?
And she wants
to have kids with you.
Why are you always complimenting
and talking about my wife?
I'm just trying to make you,
you know, man up.
I need to start
acting like a man?
Oh. See?
- This is how you do it.
- Mm.
Hey, baby.
Don't you "hey, baby" me.
I found your match.com account,
Mr. Ton of Love.
What kind of fool
calls himself that?
No, no, no, no, no, listen,
listen. No, I can explain.
Explain nothing.
Don't even think for a minute
that you're gonna trade me in
for another woman.
See, what happened was --
No, baby.
-No, baby, baby --
-Don't you "baby" me.
If you think you're gonna
toss me off to the side,
I just have one word
for you --
-I will kill you.
-Yep. Babe, I got to go.
I'm late for a meeting.
Kill me?
I think
that's more like four words.
What?
Now you're my math teacher?
That's not nice.
Okay. All right, I got to go.
Sure.
Oh, no, you don't.
Kenny, don't you hang up.
Wow. She wanted me
to read her some Scriptures.
I just don't have time.
But anyway, see you at lunch?
See you at lunch.
Could you please stop
looking at your phone?
All right?
She's not gonna call you.
-Who says I'm waiting
for a call?
'Cause you got that PAW Patrol
look on your face.
What took you so long?
Hey, man, you know
it takes time to look this good.
Okay, enough of this
prima donna stuff. Let's go.
After you.
-Let's go.
-You made it, baby.
Really? So you have a twin?
That's interesting.
So there must be a lot
of business coming through here
during Valentine's Day, huh?
It's the busiest time
of the year every year.
-What you got there?
-Mm. How are you doing?
-Great. How are you?
-I'm doing well.
So, this turquoise,
that's gonna go to Karen.
And the pink to Mary.
Now, Sheila, she's gonna like
this nude thing, right here.
Yeah. Tracy's gonna
love this leopard.
Phew! And the rose piece
has to go to Lydia.
She's my favorite.
Now, if you could be a dear
and gift wrap those for me.
And if you could add
a little note to each one.
Something sentimental.
-I'll be right back.
-Thank you.
Dude! Are you dating
all these girls?
Dating? Now, if you mean whereby
two people meet socially
with the aim of assessing
whether or not
they're suitable
prospective partners
in some future
intimate relationship,
the answer would be no,
my friend.
-Ooh, you better preach.
-Mm.
-Oof.
-I don't do that.
Okay, here are your gifts
all wrapped up.
This is for you.
Call me.
- Appreciate it.
- Boom!
Oh! Come on. All right?
She's your wife,
not Betty Crocker.
Relax, Ton of Love.
What'd you get your girlfriend
for Valentine's Day?
Assorted bath and body oils,
plus a spa weekend treatment.
Okay?
Step your game up, please.
It's a hand blender, so it
saves me a little dough.
Where'd you go to --
the dollar store?
-We're returning that.
-Pathetic.
-Shame. Shame.
-Shame. Shame. Shame.
What you looking like in there?
Huh?
Just give me a second.
Valentine's Day victory is mine.
Duran Duran's greatest hits,
my friend.
Stop it! Okay?
Please. Please.
-Okay? You're hopeless. Really?
-It's her favorite band.
-Oh. Goodness.
-Kenny.
You know, you're starting to
make me question our friendship.
This is...
Really?
You know, all this shopping's
got me famished, boys.
You up for Morton's?
That's your boy.
Uh, I don't think
you'd pass the dress code. Okay?
Change.
-It's all right. It'll be fine.
-Let's go.
-Gonna have trouble
-getting a table.
-Nah. We're fine.
-Keep it rolling, Socks.
-Hurry up!
Let's just go. Let's just go.
Let's just get out of here.
- We'll be outside.
- All right.
-She likes Duran Duran.
-Three T-Bone steaks.
-Thank you.
-Mmm.
Ah! I love mashed potatoes.
Good evening to you, sir.
Evening.
Excuse you. We're having
a good evening, too.
-Hey.
-Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
So five wasn't enough?
For whole numbers.
Oh, my goodness.
-Where'd you find her?
-Blond Fashion Week.
-She was one of the models.
-What's the problem?
Nothing in common. She's been
pushing for commitment lately.
I don't do commitments.
So, what, you're gonna stay
single the rest of your life?
Yeah. This is fun, right?
Is she, like --
like, Jamaican and Irish?
What about settling down
and having kids?
I don't do commitments.
Hey, look. Okay?
I'm with Wes. Okay?
I mean, if women are just gonna
throw themselves at you,
-why settle?
-That's right.
Are you kidding? You can't
fool these women forever.
-They're gonna wise up.
-Mnh.
Listen, man. To make
a statement like that
is to imply that the women
that I entertain are foolish.
- Ooh.
- On the contrary,
they're sophisticated,
they're intelligent,
and if you don't stay
on top of your game,
they're gonna eat you alive.
You sound like a hater.
Man, did you hear that?
I mean, come on. I mean,
you can't call it entanglement
unless you are entangled.
Come on.
-That's right.
-Come on, brother.
-That's right.
-Come on.
Really? Aren't you in
an entanglement as we speak?
Don't start. All right?
Say less.
All right. So what
you're really implying,
or, well, what you're
saying here
is that you can get
any caliber of woman.
Hmm? Is that right?
Exactly.
Okay.
- The wealthier, the better.
Really? All right.
Even in here?
Absolutely.
I don't believe that.
Wanna bet?
As a matter of fact,
yeah.
- Yeah.
- I'm not scared.
Loser pays for dinner.
-You're on. You're on.
-Cut him off.
-Huh! Deal?
-Deal.
-Choose anyone.
-Huh.
-Anyone?
-Okay. All right.
Anyone.
Uh, how about
that one right there?
Mm, Bridget.
She works at the firm.
Clingy. No.
Let's dial it up.
What about the brunet, Wes?
Come on.
- Game on.
Later, boys.
We'll be here.
Oh, yeah.
You got the right one.
I think she's cockeyed.
Look.
I can't believe it.
- Oh! Oh!
Oh, no.
Are you serious?
What is he telling
these women?
Oh, goodness.
This is ridiculous.
I can't believe it.
You know what?
-I'll take that, too.
-What are you doing, dude?
What do you think?
Two for one.
It's two for one.
Take care of the check.
-Don't worry.
-Mm-hmm.
Oh! Oh, my God!
- What?
- She's here.
Are you on drugs?
- Airrea!
You didn't see me.
-Where is he? Excuse me!
-Hello.
Where is he?
I know he's here.
I tracked his location on
my phone, and I know he's here,
looking at all these women
and eating steak.
He volunteered to help me
find a present for Victoria.
We're having dinner,
as you can see.
And he just left with Wes,
so...
Well, you
want to know something?
The only thing
that man volunteers for
is eating the last piece
of chicken on the dinner table.
You tell him to be at my place
by 10:00, or Mr. Ton of Love
is gonna be in a ton of pain.
-Yes, ma'am.
-Y'all really messed up.
The nerve.
I know he's here.
Vic, I'm home.
Vic? You home?
- I'm here.
Hey.
What happened?
They went with someone else.
Someone with more referrals.
But how can I get referrals
if no one wants to hire me?
I know, I know.
It's okay, babe.
Is there anything I can do?
-No.
-Hey.
Wine.
-Wine?
-Mm, wine.
-Coming right up, baby.
-Yeah.
-Just keep eating that, okay?
-Yeah.
Brad, I need you to try
on the sweater I bought you.
I did.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
- No, you didn't.
You say you did, but you didn't.
No, I tried it on
when I got home. It fits fine.
No, you didn't.
It's actually sitting
exactly where I put it.
How does she do that?
Ah.
Where'd you get this --
the kids' section?
Hmm.
Have you gained some weight?
Oh, why? Do I look fat?
No, don't be so sensitive.
I'm not being sensitive.
I'm just concerned
about my health.
-Okay.
-Thank you.
-It was a very sweet gift.
-Mm. You're welcome.
Real sweet.
-Ta-da!
-What's this?
Open it.
Hm.
Oh.
Duran Duran's greatest hits.
You shouldn't have.
It's got that song
you like so much.
-Yeah.
-"Hungry Like the Wolf."
Yeah, thank you so much.
I love it.
If you don't like it,
you can, you know...
-No. I love it. It's perfect.
-If you want, we can exchange --
I love it. I love it. Okay?
I love it.
I'm so happy. I'm gonna
play it all day tomorrow.
-You know, when I saw it...
-Mm-hmm.
...I knew it was
the perfect gift for you.
Yeah. It's perfect.
It's really what I need.
No, I really love it.
I really do. Yeah.
So what do you think of Wes?
Um, I don't know.
He's okay, I guess.
Do you find him attractive?
I suppose. Why are you asking?
Just curious.
What does he have that I don't?
Why are you asking
such silly questions?
Is it because of that
little roll in the midsection?
So you think I am getting fat.
No, no. No, no.
Mm.
Come on. Mm...
-Good night.
-Night.
Look, one of the reasons
she married you is to have kids.
I know, man, and I want kids.
I just don't know if I'm ready
to be a father right now.
Mm-hmm.
What I'm saying is,
you screw this up,
you may not have a wife.
-Just like that?
-Just like that.
Hm.
Victoria wouldn't be
interested in somebody like Wes.
Man, she's smarter than that.
Look, a woman like
Victoria is not gonna announce
that she's unhappy.
Especially to her husband.
No, a woman like that,
she wants to know that
she's being thought about.
You know, that she's important.
See, the thing is,
I know how she thinks, man.
She wouldn't be
interested in Wes.
Oh, yeah.
Let me think about that.
Yeah. Yeah.
No vacations,
no kids, and crappy gifts.
Yeah, you're a keeper.
Put it down.
Why would they have that
out there?
It's gonna scare people
from having kids.
It's for educational purpose.
-Okay.
-Put it down, please.
Yes.
Victoria Wilson.
Oh, yes.
Put it down. Put it down.
Here you go.
I'm strangely aroused
right now.
You are a strange man.
Shh.
Hello, Victoria.
I'm Dr. Young.
-Hello. Very nice to meet you.
-Likewise.
Yeah, I'm Dr. Young. And Brad.
Right?
Bradley.
- Bradley. Bradley.
Okay, okay. All right.
So you're trying
to have a child?
- Yes.
- Awesome.
And so, can you tell me
about any other treatments
that you've started
up until this point?
-Um, nothing.
-Just the usual.
Um, we haven't tried anything.
Good, good. Okay.
So I understand
that it can be difficult.
-Uh-huh.
-Okay? But...
Excuse me, Dr. Young.
We'll need you in exam room 3.
I'm so sorry.
I'm just gonna go take care
of something real quick.
Dr. Young. He's gonna go play
with his Legos.
We got Doogie Howser here
as our doctor.
He's barely gone
through puberty.
He comes highly recommended.
By who?
His grade-school teacher?
No. By Jennifer.
She got pregnant
-after her first visit, okay?
-Well, I was kind of hoping
for somebody old and bald, like
Jean Picard from Star Trek.
Can you not embarrass me
any more, please?
Sure.
So sorry. Okay.
So what we'll do
is run a few tests.
-Okay.
-And then I think
we're gonna start you off
on columbamine
and -- let's see --
some hormone injections.
See how that works. And if we
don't see a positive reaction,
then we'll take a look
at insemination. Sound good?
-Sounds good.
-Thank you so much.
Absolutely. And by the way,
um,
"Doogie Howser" --
great show.
But I will say
that I am 33 years old,
so, you know,
not in puberty anymore,
if you ask the doctor.
He's 33 years old.
He's an old man.
He's so wise.
He's like a miniature Buddha
with hair.
Quit, quit. Okay, enough.
Enough.
Brad, my boy. How's the
Talbot account coming along?
I should have the numbers
finalized by this evening.
Oh, fantastic. Just remember --
There's a lot riding on this,
so don't screw it up.
I won't let you down.
-Good chap.
-Okay.
Why?
Don't start.
Don't start.
I'm not in the mood.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
There's a lot riding on this.
Dude.
Dude, what's up with that?
Are we having
a full body massage next?
Dude, what's up with that?
Is it some kind
of British thing?
I don't know, but you are the
only one he touches like that.
-You're hilarious.
-Listen, you know what?
I think
I'm gonna leave the room.
I disturbed something
very intimate and sacred.
Just wait till he gets his hands
on your shoulders.
Oh, no. See, all this,
this is a woman's only body.
-Yada yada yada yada.
-Mark my words.
It will happen.
You will get massaged by Nigel.
-Salud.
-Salud.
All right with me.
-Mm.
-Yeah.
Hey, you. Remember me?
It's been a while,
and you never called me.
That doesn't mean
I wasn't thinking about you.
-Really?
-Yeah.
I mean, you were
always on my mind.
-Mm.
-Okay, Willie Nelson.
I didn't believe
that would work.
I don't have the slightest idea
who she is.
Sometimes you just got to tell
them what they need to hear.
And what's that?
Well, it depends.
You got to listen.
For her, hope.
Hope?
Women desire one thing
above all else.
They're all looking
for that one thing.
We're listening.
To feel wanted.
They need to believe you're
thinking about them 24/7.
Now, you can give him
a compliment now and again.
But when you make
a woman feel wanted,
and I mean truly wanted,
needed, desired...
...putty in your hands.
Can I get you fellas
anything else to drink?
Yes. Another round on him.
Ah.
In case you, uh, lost
the first one.
You see what I mean?
Wow.
Did you just see what happened?
Or are you too busy
thinking about your boat?
No man can have this effect
on every woman.
See, that's the problem.
You don't understand women.
Now, if you would have spent
more time dating
when we were younger,
instead of spending
your Saturday nights mimicking
the sound of a dead cow
on that tuba of yours, maybe...
For your information,
that was Mozart, moron.
Okay, all right, all right,
all right. Enough.
All right? It's like we're back
in high school all over again.
All right, listen, guys,
I think we can all agree
that when it comes
to the female mind,
-look, Wes is the man.
-Agreed.
Absolutely not.
Why does it make you so mad
that I can get any woman I want?
Oh, come on!
You can't get any woman.
-Yeah, I think he could.
-No.
Not any woman.
Shall we bet?
Yes, as a matter of fact,
we shall.
You know you already lost
the last bet?
All right.
You know the deal.
Pick any woman in the world.
-Victoria.
-Whoa!
-It's not happening.
-There's no way
she would fall for this act.
-Come on. It's a bad idea.
5 grand says she would
never fall for your act.
-Dude, what are you doing?
-Scared?
No, wait, wait. Hold on, please.
We need to go talk. Let's go.
Mnh-mnh.
What's wrong with you?
You swim 20 laps
in the stupid pool?
Victoria would never fall
for Wes.
Do you know Victoria will do
when she finds out
-you used her in this bet?
-You made a bet with him.
-But not with your woman.
-Listen.
I know what I'm doing.
She's not gonna fall
for Wes' act.
Listen. All right?
Your marriage
may not be that strong.
And now you're gonna invite
Don Juan over here
to go show her what you're not?
These are favorable odds.
That's what these are.
More like unfavorable odds.
So do we have a bet?
You're serious?
Mm, listen, man.
I'm your friend.
There's no way
I'm gonna be responsible
for breaking up your marriage.
No way.
Look, finally,
someone who's talking sense.
So you admit that all this
talk about women is just talk?
All right. You know what?
I'm gonna take this bet.
I'm gonna take this bet.
It's a bad idea.
10 days, it's gonna be done, but
you better be ready to pay up.
-Yeah?
-Deal.
But no physical contact,
the deal's off.
Don't come whining to me
when your marriage breaks up.
This is on you. Mm?
-All right.
-It's breaking up a dynasty.
Come on!
Shots!
Come on. Really?
You think Victoria's not gonna
find out about this bet?
I'm telling you,
this is smooth as silk.
She's gonna ignore
every move Wes makes.
-I got this.
-Mm.
-Every move?
-Every move.
Every move?
Never been more confident
in my life, Kenny.
Wouldn't have made
the bet otherwise.
Okay, so after she kills you,
can I get the boat?
-I have great news.
-Really? What?
I landed a client!
-That's fantastic. Who?
-Yes.
You know your friend Wes?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
So he hired me
to redecorate his whole office.
You know what that means?
-It means...
-Mm, no, I don't know.
-What does that mean?
-I have a referral.
-And also --
-There's an "and."
Yes. If he likes my work,
he may hire me to redecorate
the whole building.
And then he's gonna market me
to his clients.
-Mm...
-Isn't that great?
-It's -- It's --
-Oh, I love you so --
- Mm!
- Mm...
-I'm so happy.
-I love you, baby.
Yeah. You have lipstick there.
Do you want some wine?
Can you believe him? Hmm?
Offered Victoria a job.
Worse than that --
He's getting her hopes up.
I told you not to do this.
I told you, I told you.
I said, "No, don't do that."
But no, you didn't want
to listen, okay?
And now you're in the ring
with Wes,
and your wife is the ring girl.
You're an idiot.
That sneaky and conniving...
He's using my wife's job to win.
That's what he's doing.
Ever occur to you
you may lose here?
Yeah. $5,000.
I'm talking about your wife.
Dude, what's wrong with you?
It's like, as a child, did you
just slip, bump your head,
and have oxygen deprivation?
You definitely hit your head
a few times.
Come on in.
You know, I don't know
what I was thinking.
Victoria told you
the good news?
Yeah.
You know,
she's actually quite talented.
She deserves to work
on projects like this.
Oh, you and your fancy suits
and your fancy perfumes.
You know, you're just getting
her hopes up
with this fake job offer.
You know that?
On the contrary.
I'm treating her the way
that she deserves to be treated.
I'm recognizing her value.
We can call
this whole thing off.
-Really?
-Absolutely.
Just cut me a check.
Call it quits.
Nah.
Just, uh, cut you a check, huh?
Listen, Bradley.
I've pretty much already
won this.
You know it, I know it.
This may be the easiest
5 grand I've ever won, buddy.
Or the most agonizing
5 grand you ever lost.
-We'll see about that.
-Yes, we will.
The bet's still on.
By the way,
those socks look ridiculous.
Hmm.
So how's the project coming?
Oh, great. Wes is so happy
with my ideas so far.
- Oh. That's good.
- Mm.
Oh, and he wants me to come
to New York with him this week
to visit some galleries.
For inspiration.
-I forbid it.
-Hmm?
- Inspiration. That's amazing.
- Mm-hmm.
How long will you be gone?
Um, just three days.
And -- Oh.
And he also wants me to
come home to his house tomorrow
to see some art pieces he's got.
- Ah.
- You want to come?
I'm sure he has a lot
he wants to show you.
Mm-hmm.
No. I'd probably just
get in the way.
Oh, okay.
Well, suit yourself.
Hello. This is Roger.
Thank you for calling Gadgets.
-How may I help you?
-Yes, I called earlier
about the listening device
and binocs.
Yes. Your number has came up.
This is Mr. Bradley.
We do have those thing for you
ready for pickup at 4:00.
And those other thingies
I requested?
Yes, sir.
Roger that.
Sir, you live here?
Put your hands
where I can see them.
Turn around for me.
Turn around.
Put your hands behind your head.
Interlock your fingers.
Spread your legs.
Alright, I'm gonna
take this off.
Put this behind your back.
I can't believe...
Dressed like that anyway?
Ninjitsu training.
I was actually --
Never mind.
It's for
nighttime boot camp.
Finally get a break
in my career.
And this is the time that
you decide to behave like a...
...like a 16-year-old brat.
Well, I was training for --
I don't want to know.
No, I got it.
I got a plane to catch.
Keys...
I'll only be gone
for three days.
I made your favorite
vegetarian lasagna.
I'll call you when I get in.
Okay.
Are you gonna behave yourself?
None of that commando stuff
when I'm gone.
I won't.
Promise?
Hmm?
I promise.
Mmm. I'll miss you.
Miss you, too.
Okay, fine.
It's not what it looks like.
Promise.
It's not what it looks like.
Strong wire for climbing.
Segal Series 300 binocs.
For Cancer Awareness Month.
What are your plans
with all this stuff?
You some type of assassin, spy?
No, sir, neither of those.
-First name?
-Bradley.
-Last name.
-Wilson.
I was going to New York
to spy...
Oh, really?
...on my wife and my friend.
Pretty little blonde
on your phone screen saver?
Yes.
And she's cheating on you
with your friend?
Yes, sir. No.
My friend is a womanizer.
Uh-huh.
I hate him.
Yeah.
Look, it's not
what it looks like.
I'm not a stalker.
I, uh...
I, uh, made a bet,
a stupid, stupid, stupid bet
with my friend
that he couldn't seduce my wife.
And now they're going
to New York together.
You're right.
This does look bad.
I know it was stupid.
You think?
I don't want to lose my wife.
I promise, if you let me go,
I will never again give you
a reason to arrest me.
Please.
Trust is fluid.
It only works depending
on the amount of work
you put in to keep it.
I trust I won't have to
see you again.
You won't.
For the record, your wife isn't
an object you can just bet on.
A man that finds a wife
finds a good thing.
Love her and be thankful.
You're free to go.
Welcome to Lux Hotel.
Yes, I'd like a room
for one, please.
We have one room available,
and it's $1,000 per night.
Yeah, that's great.
Do you need help with your bags?
No, thank you.
I'm okay.
-Would you like a receipt?
-Yes, that'd be great.
I do hope you enjoy your stay
here at Lux Hotel.
Thank you so much.
Oh, come on!
How may I help you?
Yeah, I'd like the room number
for one of your guests, please.
I'm sorry, we're not allowed
to give out
our guests' room numbers.
Right, sure.
I understand.
But he's one of my best friends.
His name is Wesley Dobbs.
You'll probably find him
right there.
I'm sorry, sir,
but we're not allowed
to give out that information.
Yes, this is
what I was thinking.
That's exactly
what I was thinking.
-Very interesting.
-Yeah.
There's a lot
of interpretations.
Yeah.
Oh!
-Hi.
-Hi.
Welcome to the art gallery.
Do you know Amadorian?
-Amadarian?
-Amadorian.
Absolutely.
Huge fan.
Oh, it's nice
to have a fan here.
Would you like
something to drink?
I'm okay. I'm just gonna
look around, if that's okay.
-Yeah, sure.
-Thank you.
Absolutely.
Look at the strokes.
-Passion.
-Yeah. The colors.
Longing. There's a lot of
yearning and longing and lust.
Love like a young
budding love.
- Yes.
- Yeah. Feel that.
Bodies pulsating, vibrating.
-I feel that, too.
-Yeah.
It's beautiful.
It's absolutely beautiful.
Right. I do. I do.
I-I feel it.
Right now, actually.
-Right now.
-I know exactly...
-I think we can --
-I love this painting.
Yeah? I'll talk
to the gallery owner.
Really?
Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
-You're beautiful.
-Oh. Thank you.
You're very welcome.
I really like this.
This is interesting.
-But still...
-Yeah?
You like this?
This one for sale?
Yeah, this work show Amadorian
and his use of...
all of his textures he painted.
He was like --
You can see, like,
all the textures and colors.
Like, this is, like,
one of his best works.
One of his best works?
He puts a lot of effort
into the subtle overtones
and undertones,
the full-body flavor.
Well, it is $5,000
for this painting.
Catch a rainbow, $5,000?
I'm getting old, you know.
Hey!
-Hey, where's the fire?
-You okay, buddy?
Hey, we're walking here.
Table for one?
Yeah, do you have
a table in the front?
I'm a little phobic
of tables in the back.
Okay, let me check to see
if there's one available.
Just one second.
- Excuse me.
- Hi. Yes?
Yeah.
Right this way.
-Can I have one of those menus?
-Sure.
Thank you so much.
W-Will this be okay?
This is great.
Thank you so much.
Okay. Your waiter will
be right with you.
-Enjoy.
-Thank you.
Welcome to Sauce Boss Kitchens.
Are you ready to order?
Uh, sure.
-Uh...
-Get you something to drink?
-Water.
-Okay.
And do you
have a kids' meal?
Uh, no, we don't have
a kids' meal available,
but I have a house salad
or something like that for you.
Yeah, let's just
do the house salad.
Okay, so I'll get you
a house salad
and a drink -- a glass of water.
-Perfect. Thank you so much.
-Okay.
Alright.
Thank you, sir.
I may want dessert.
Alright.
Sorry about that, sir.
Give me one second.
You in there?
- Hello?
- Yes?
Yes?
Is this your wallet?
Yes.
Thank you very much.
Not from around here, are you?
Yes.
How long you been
in the country?
Uh...yes.
You speak English?
Yes.
Hello?
Why are you talking funny?
Yes, I'm in New York
on vacation.
Oh, my God,
that is a terrible accent.
And why am I not surprised?
Okay. Here's my plan.
I'm gonna follow Wes
and Victoria
and observe from a distance
till Wes makes his move.
Mm-hmm. And then what?
I don't know. I haven't
thought it out that far.
That's a stupid plan.
You got a better one?
Uh, yeah.
Trust your wife
and come back home.
You call that a better plan?
That plan sucks.
You suck for
telling me that plan.
Dude, is that a toilet flushing?
No.
Dude, that's a toilet flushing.
Oh, my God, I hope you are not
sitting on the toilet,
and I hope you're not
doing number two.
-Excuse me, Mr. Perfect!
-Oh, man, you disgust me.
You -- You know
how I feel about toilets.
That's for giving me
a stupid plan!
Oh! Oh, man. You -- You --
You crossing boundaries, man.
Oh, man.
I'm -- I'm hanging up.
Excuse me, sir.
Is everything okay?
This is not my table.
Some of the best food
in the city.
-Yeah. Give me one second.
-Okay.
I'm stepping out
for the evening.
I've got a package
coming in the morning.
I just want to make sure it gets
to me as soon as possible.
What's your room number?
Thank you very much.
Appreciate it.
Got the two tones.
It's warm,
but it's contemporary.
-Absolutely.
-Minimalistic.
-Scandinavian design.
-Looks beautiful.
-Excuse me.
-Yeah.
Looks really nice.
Uh, maybe you should, um...
-Take some photos.
-Yeah. Absolutely.
-Alright, let's be on our way.
-Okay. Sounds good.
You look absolutely
ravishing, by the way.
- Thank you.
- Yes.
Stop it!
Stop it!
She likes me for me
'cause I'm a good person.
It's not my -- my body,
even though it's beautiful,
or my houses.
I'm, like, a good --
I'm coming.
Just give me a second.
Hello?
Not a good time.
Oh, am I gonna have to
talk you off a ledge?
I don't think
that'll be necessary.
- When you coming back?
- Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Okay. Alright.
-Pick me up a souvenir.
-A what?
You know, a souvenir,
you know, key chain, coffee mug.
You're a moron.
You want a coffee mug?
Yes, actually, there's one
that I really want,
and I know they have it.
It's called a Boogie Cup.
Alright.
You're an idiot.
I got to go. Bye.
It's not what it looks like.
Brad, is that you?
Yeah. It's me.
You're home early.
Mm-hmm.
Wes dropped me off
a little while ago.
-How was your trip?
-Amazing.
So amazing.
I learned so much about Wes.
Did you know that he works
with clients in Dallas
who are very, very important
and he does legal work for
Jerry Jones and Robert Rollins?
Did you know that?
Did you know that?
Did you know that
he has a private jet?
Did you know that?
You didn't know?
-He's so cool.
-He sure is.
Yeah. Did you miss me?
-Missed you a lot.
-Yeah?
-How was things here?
-Uh, really busy.
Had a few important
things to do.
-Uh-huh. Like what?
-It was good.
But let me grab a snack,
and we'll finish up upstairs.
-Oh. Okay.
-Alright.
You know I love you
very much, right?
Mm.
Alright, enough praying.
I need to see
where is my souvenir?
My coffee mug.
My Boogie Cup.
Come on.
Dude, why you looking like crap?
It's over, Kenny.
My marriage, everything.
What are you talking about?
Wes was right.
He romanced her,
treated her like a princess.
He won.
-Wow. I didn't know
she was so easy.
Well, you know what you married.
That's not the point.
The point is, what are you
gonna do about it, okay?
Never coach. Never coach.
Don't ever be a coach.
You're --
Dude, you got -- You gonna
do something about it?
You gonna fight
for your wife, at least?
What can I do?
I can't compete with him.
He's won,
and I've just got to --
There's nothing I can do.
Just woe is me.
She doesn't love me.
Dude, come on.
Ow!
What was that for?
Get out!
Get out where?
Your office?
Door policy.
Um, you two guys,
Nigel needs to see you
in the boardroom now.
Alright, man.
It's your move.
Play it smart.
Get you going.
Everything alright?
Ready to seal
this account, right?
Yes. Yes, sir.
Very well, then.
Let's continue.
We at Talbert --
Hang on.
I can't do this.
I have something I have to
take care of.
I'm sorry.
Something more important
than this meeting?
Much more.
Kenny, it's your show now.
Oh, and, Nigel, the neck
massages really creep me out.
It's weird, but Kenny
was just telling me
about how much he wanted one.
He's joking.
My neck is good.
And I promise I'd never talk to
HR about anything you do, Nigel.
-Where's Wes?
-He's at the Omni Hotel.
Hi. You've reached Victoria.
I'm not available right now,
but leave a message,
and I will call you right back.
Kill him. No.
First I'll strangle him.
Yeah.
Yeah, and then I'll kill him.
Happy Valentine's Day, Wes!
I don't do commitments,
I do fists!
Little perfume, Wes!
No no, no, first I'll
push him out a window.
Yeah, then I'll strangle him.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna kill him.
Like whole numbers, do you, Wes?
Do you like that, Wes?
Will you hit the floor?
No, can you push
number eight, please?
Thanks so much.
Ah.
I'm hotel security.
We heard some noise complaints
coming from this room.
Appears to me
that everything's okay, though.
So I'm gonna go ahead
and let you get back to...
-Grape?
-Allergic.
...whatever it was
you were doing.
Bye.
This is 703.
What's going on here?
That is my cue.
Victoria.
I would give up all my homes,
all my plane
if I just had a woman
that would love me
the way that Victoria loves you.
You're the rich one,
buddy, not me.
Good luck.
Victoria, I can explain.
We need to talk.
Rough day?
Yeah, you could say that.
Thank you.
I knew you were a giving person.
God bless you, too.
Hey, you know what this is?
Those are the vows you wrote
for our wedding day.
Do you remember what they said?
"I never asked for roses,
candlelit dinners, or the moon,
because roses fade, candles burn
out, and the moon goes away.
All I want is your love
to last me forever and a day."
Mm.
Do you remember the night
I found out my father died?
How can I forget?
It's the saddest
I've ever seen you.
Until tonight.
And the time I had
an eye infection
and you stayed up all night
putting drops in my eye
even though you had the biggest
meeting of your career
the next morning.
Yeah. You know, I drank
a ton of coffee that day.
Do you know
how difficult it is --
Brad...
...it wasn't the car
you owned or...
the house...
...you didn't have...
...or the money in your
bank account that got me.
-It wasn't?
-Mnh-mnh.
It was your heart.
Beautiful, amazing heart.
made me fall in love with you.
Come here.
Sorry for using you as a bet.
Mm.
If you ever do anything
like that again...
...I will kill you,
I will dismember you,
and I will scatter all
your body pieces in the ocean.
Capisce?
Yes, ma'am.
Good.
Close your eyes.
I want to show you something.
We're not having sex
in the living room.
Just close your eyes.
You're gonna like it.
We're talking, like, better.
- Can I look?
- No, keep them closed.
No peeking.
I want to peek.
Open 'em.
Open 'em.
You like it?
It's Amotus Flavum.
How did you know?
Amadorian.
Oh, my God.
Brad, this is the sweetest gift
you've ever given me.
Thank you so much.
Hey, I have a surprise
for you, too.
-Really?
-Mm-hmm.
I made a doctor's
appointment for you
to make sure you
didn't hurt yourself
when you were spying on me.
Doctor's appointment?
You can run,
but you can't hide.
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may now kiss the bride.
There you go.
Ladies and gentlemen, can
I have your attention, please?
Thank you.
I just wanted to say
that growing up with this guy
was no walk in the park.
I lived in this man's shadow
all my life.
Watched him date his way through
the entire cheerleading section,
the band, the French club.
Let's not forget the chess club,
the drill team, the --
I get it, I get it.
All that to say, if I had to
grow up in any man's shadow...
...I'm glad it was you, man.
You've made me a better man.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's raise our glasses
to the bride and groom.
To a long
and happy life together.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Come on.
Hello?
Oh, so now you want
to answer the phone?
I thought I blocked you.
Kenny, stop playing with me.
Airrea, what are you doing?
Why you calling me?
-Are you at home right now?
-No, I'm not at home.
Okay, well,
your bathroom light's on.
-Someone's there.
-Lights on in my bathroom?
Are you in front of my house?
Kenny, where are you?
You left me.
-Where are you?
-Out with some friends of mine.
I'm having a good time.
Go home.
You left me. Bring me
chicken wings. I'm hungry.
No, I'm not bringing you
any chicken wings.
-Oh!
-Goodbye.
Kenny.
That's my auntie.
She always wants to check on me.
But, you know, she start mixing
that Hennessy with cranberry,
hoo, she becomes
every other person.
Just got to let her
do her thing.
You know what I mean?
But cheers to us.
And to me, last man standing.
-Congratulations, man.
-Hey. You as well.
-Good times.
-Amen.
Yeah. Boy or girl?
Girl.
Phew!
She looks anything
like Victoria,
you are gonna have
a hard time, my friend.
I know, but you know what?
I'm ready.
No boys until she's 30.
No boys like you forever.
That's good advice.
That's good advice.
You know you still
owe me $5,000, right?
Really? It's funny, 'cause
I remember you owing me $5,000.
The bet was that Victoria
would get seduced.
-It never happened.
-I beg to differ.
Keep begging.
I like it when you beg.
I'm pretty sure
she was attracted to me.
Just ask her.
I bet she'll say otherwise.
Bet? Have you not learned
your lesson yet, man?
Scared?
Mm-mm!
Alright.
I bet you $5,000 she admits
that she was attracted to me.
You're on.
Okay.
After all that time
you spent in New York,
where you gonna come up
with five G's, buddy?
The $5,000 you owe me
for being a tattletale.
-Oh!
-A tattletale?
Okay, we're back in
elementary school now, I got it.
If we were in elementary school,
I'd whup your butt right now.
I think --
I think not, sir.
I don't think you could have
kicked your own butt.
As a matter of fact,
I think any one of
those girls in your band class
would have kicked
your tuba-playing butt.
Oh, very funny. Gonna bring
my tuba into this again, huh?
I told you, that was Mozart.
Oh, that's what it was?
Okay, fine.
Alright, I thought it was
the sound of a dying moose,
but that's just me.
Take that back.
-No.
-Yes.
Let's go talk to Victoria.
I got $5,000 on Victoria.
Hey, drop -- drop the bet,
drop the bet, drop the bet.
Alright. Really?
You're actually gonna tell her?
So how about I tell your bride
about the trip to Mexico
and the three sisters
and their mother?
-No. Okay.
-That's what I thought.
-Alright.
-We're good.
-Alright.
-Vegas?
Yeah, absolutely.
Cheers, buddy.
Alright.
Brad.
Come on. We're gonna be late.
I'm hurrying.
Brad. We're gonna be late.
Hurry up!
Bra--
You know I have to leave
early this morning.
-Sorry, babe.
-I told you last night
I have a meeting
with a client this morning.
I didn't forget.
-Come on.
-I didn't forget.
Okay. All right,
come on, let's go.
Did they tell you when your car
is gonna be ready?
They had to order another part.
It should be ready tomorrow.
Oh, don't forget.
We have the appointment
at the fertility clinic
this afternoon.
-Oh. That's today?
-You forgot that, too?
I thought I told you
I was hanging out with Wes
and Kenny after work.
Can we reschedule?
I did reschedule.
It's just that Wes is
really busy with his firm.
It's tough to find time
with him.
Choosing Wes over us.
You don't want
to have kids anymore?
Oh, come on, honey,
don't say that.
What am I supposed to think?
You cancel every single time.
Oh, great.
This is exactly what I need.
You know what?
I can just walk from here.
It's five blocks, Brad.
I could use the exercise,
apparently.
-Well, that's true.
-I promise if you reschedule,
I'll make the next one.
-What is that?
-This is Scout's honor.
You were never a Scout.
Can you blame me?
Who wants to be...
Get out of here. Come on.
Go.
Go.
Love you.
Love you, too.
-Hey, hey, hey. Hey.
-Hey, hey.
-Hey, you want to try something?
-Give us something?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
-Oh! Oh!
-That's okay!
Appreciate it.
Good morning, gorgeous.
Good morning to you, too, Brad.
Notice anything different?
Hang on. Let me guess.
New outfit.
-No.
-Um, Botox?
No, silly. I got my hair cut.
Do you like it?
Oh, Martha,
if I wasn't married,
you'd have to keep me off
with a stick right now.
You're incorrigible.
Nigel's looking for you.
Yeah. Took a little bit
of a detour this morning.
-Did he mention he wanted?
-No.
-Okay.
-Good luck.
Thank you.
Martha, one more thing.
Do I look like
I'm gaining any weight to you?
-Just a little bit.
-Thanks, Martha.
Doris.
Still doing keto? Looking good.
Nigel's coming.
-Oh, he's coming.
-No! No!
You got a man crush.
You got a man crush.
You ready for him? Huh?
I'm gonna have to start taking
blood pressure medication.
Dude, what? Oh, wow. You're
still looking at that boat?
She's a beauty, isn't she?
I'm gonna get her
as soon as I get my bonus,
which is just enough to make
a down payment on this bad boy.
What are you gonna
do with a boat? Hmm?
The nearest lake's, like,
what, 100 miles from here?
Vacations.
Dude, you need to take
your bonus and take your wife
on a real vacation,
like normal people.
Why don't you understand?
The boat is the vacation. Okay?
And I know where
you were going with this.
It's not a bad investment.
If I had a wife like yours,
I would take her,
like, to Europe.
Or to one of those
Hawaiian cruises.
Nah, Victoria doesn't
like trips like that.
-Have you asked her?
-Don't you remember?
I took her for our anniversary
to that apple orchard.
She had a great --
I'm sorry. I didn't know
if I was gonna throw up
or start snoring
'cause it was boring.
That story's terrible.
Dude, we got free apples,
applesauce,
apple cider, apple --
- Oh, yeah. Wow.
- "Oh, my goodness!
Oh, my God!
Green apples are so great!
Please. Where do I sign up?"
Please.
You got to take her
on a real vacation.
Like somewhere balmy,
you know, beautiful beaches.
They got the cute
little umbrella drinks.
-I took her to Vegas.
-Oh, yeah.
That three-hour
timeshare presentation.
We got a free trip
to Vegas, man.
Mm, mm, mm.
If you weren't married,
you'd be a very lonely man.
This coming from a man
who's hiding
-from his girlfriend.
-Excuse me? Hiding?
Who? Where?
Who, me?
Oh, please. I don't hide, okay?
I'm on sabbatical.
That's, like,
almost like being on I.R.
Am I interrupting anything?
Kenny was just
helping me to finish.
We were just talking about
a few of these deals
that I'm about to close,
so I'm gonna leave.
He's all yours.
I don't think I have
to remind you
how important the Talbot
contract is to this company
and to your career.
In times like these,
I like to think of this company
as a well-oiled machine,
and we want to keep it that way.
You understand
what I'm saying, Bradley?
Yes. Yes, sir.
I like what
you've done with the office.
Close the Talbot account,
and you can keep the office.
Tracking with me?
-You can count on me, sir.
-Good lad.
Hm.
Yep.
-Don't start.
-Yep. I'm sorry.
Why do you look so pleased,
so satisfied, so relieved, even?
Your neck
is looking a little tense. No!
Hey, you keep talking
like that, all right?
'Cause you're the only one --
He's all up in your man space.
Soon he's gonna be
giving you facials. Be careful.
Okay? It's starting
to get intense in here.
With friends like you.
Listen. So we're still on?
For what?
-Shopping for Valentines?
-Dude, I almost had to pass.
Victoria scheduled our
fertility appointment for today.
You do know you should be going
to that appointment, right?
Yeah, I know.
Look, you have a wife.
All right?
And she wants
to have kids with you.
Why are you always complimenting
and talking about my wife?
I'm just trying to make you,
you know, man up.
I need to start
acting like a man?
Oh. See?
- This is how you do it.
- Mm.
Hey, baby.
Don't you "hey, baby" me.
I found your match.com account,
Mr. Ton of Love.
What kind of fool
calls himself that?
No, no, no, no, no, listen,
listen. No, I can explain.
Explain nothing.
Don't even think for a minute
that you're gonna trade me in
for another woman.
See, what happened was --
No, baby.
-No, baby, baby --
-Don't you "baby" me.
If you think you're gonna
toss me off to the side,
I just have one word
for you --
-I will kill you.
-Yep. Babe, I got to go.
I'm late for a meeting.
Kill me?
I think
that's more like four words.
What?
Now you're my math teacher?
That's not nice.
Okay. All right, I got to go.
Sure.
Oh, no, you don't.
Kenny, don't you hang up.
Wow. She wanted me
to read her some Scriptures.
I just don't have time.
But anyway, see you at lunch?
See you at lunch.
Could you please stop
looking at your phone?
All right?
She's not gonna call you.
-Who says I'm waiting
for a call?
'Cause you got that PAW Patrol
look on your face.
What took you so long?
Hey, man, you know
it takes time to look this good.
Okay, enough of this
prima donna stuff. Let's go.
After you.
-Let's go.
-You made it, baby.
Really? So you have a twin?
That's interesting.
So there must be a lot
of business coming through here
during Valentine's Day, huh?
It's the busiest time
of the year every year.
-What you got there?
-Mm. How are you doing?
-Great. How are you?
-I'm doing well.
So, this turquoise,
that's gonna go to Karen.
And the pink to Mary.
Now, Sheila, she's gonna like
this nude thing, right here.
Yeah. Tracy's gonna
love this leopard.
Phew! And the rose piece
has to go to Lydia.
She's my favorite.
Now, if you could be a dear
and gift wrap those for me.
And if you could add
a little note to each one.
Something sentimental.
-I'll be right back.
-Thank you.
Dude! Are you dating
all these girls?
Dating? Now, if you mean whereby
two people meet socially
with the aim of assessing
whether or not
they're suitable
prospective partners
in some future
intimate relationship,
the answer would be no,
my friend.
-Ooh, you better preach.
-Mm.
-Oof.
-I don't do that.
Okay, here are your gifts
all wrapped up.
This is for you.
Call me.
- Appreciate it.
- Boom!
Oh! Come on. All right?
She's your wife,
not Betty Crocker.
Relax, Ton of Love.
What'd you get your girlfriend
for Valentine's Day?
Assorted bath and body oils,
plus a spa weekend treatment.
Okay?
Step your game up, please.
It's a hand blender, so it
saves me a little dough.
Where'd you go to --
the dollar store?
-We're returning that.
-Pathetic.
-Shame. Shame.
-Shame. Shame. Shame.
What you looking like in there?
Huh?
Just give me a second.
Valentine's Day victory is mine.
Duran Duran's greatest hits,
my friend.
Stop it! Okay?
Please. Please.
-Okay? You're hopeless. Really?
-It's her favorite band.
-Oh. Goodness.
-Kenny.
You know, you're starting to
make me question our friendship.
This is...
Really?
You know, all this shopping's
got me famished, boys.
You up for Morton's?
That's your boy.
Uh, I don't think
you'd pass the dress code. Okay?
Change.
-It's all right. It'll be fine.
-Let's go.
-Gonna have trouble
-getting a table.
-Nah. We're fine.
-Keep it rolling, Socks.
-Hurry up!
Let's just go. Let's just go.
Let's just get out of here.
- We'll be outside.
- All right.
-She likes Duran Duran.
-Three T-Bone steaks.
-Thank you.
-Mmm.
Ah! I love mashed potatoes.
Good evening to you, sir.
Evening.
Excuse you. We're having
a good evening, too.
-Hey.
-Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
So five wasn't enough?
For whole numbers.
Oh, my goodness.
-Where'd you find her?
-Blond Fashion Week.
-She was one of the models.
-What's the problem?
Nothing in common. She's been
pushing for commitment lately.
I don't do commitments.
So, what, you're gonna stay
single the rest of your life?
Yeah. This is fun, right?
Is she, like --
like, Jamaican and Irish?
What about settling down
and having kids?
I don't do commitments.
Hey, look. Okay?
I'm with Wes. Okay?
I mean, if women are just gonna
throw themselves at you,
-why settle?
-That's right.
Are you kidding? You can't
fool these women forever.
-They're gonna wise up.
-Mnh.
Listen, man. To make
a statement like that
is to imply that the women
that I entertain are foolish.
- Ooh.
- On the contrary,
they're sophisticated,
they're intelligent,
and if you don't stay
on top of your game,
they're gonna eat you alive.
You sound like a hater.
Man, did you hear that?
I mean, come on. I mean,
you can't call it entanglement
unless you are entangled.
Come on.
-That's right.
-Come on, brother.
-That's right.
-Come on.
Really? Aren't you in
an entanglement as we speak?
Don't start. All right?
Say less.
All right. So what
you're really implying,
or, well, what you're
saying here
is that you can get
any caliber of woman.
Hmm? Is that right?
Exactly.
Okay.
- The wealthier, the better.
Really? All right.
Even in here?
Absolutely.
I don't believe that.
Wanna bet?
As a matter of fact,
yeah.
- Yeah.
- I'm not scared.
Loser pays for dinner.
-You're on. You're on.
-Cut him off.
-Huh! Deal?
-Deal.
-Choose anyone.
-Huh.
-Anyone?
-Okay. All right.
Anyone.
Uh, how about
that one right there?
Mm, Bridget.
She works at the firm.
Clingy. No.
Let's dial it up.
What about the brunet, Wes?
Come on.
- Game on.
Later, boys.
We'll be here.
Oh, yeah.
You got the right one.
I think she's cockeyed.
Look.
I can't believe it.
- Oh! Oh!
Oh, no.
Are you serious?
What is he telling
these women?
Oh, goodness.
This is ridiculous.
I can't believe it.
You know what?
-I'll take that, too.
-What are you doing, dude?
What do you think?
Two for one.
It's two for one.
Take care of the check.
-Don't worry.
-Mm-hmm.
Oh! Oh, my God!
- What?
- She's here.
Are you on drugs?
- Airrea!
You didn't see me.
-Where is he? Excuse me!
-Hello.
Where is he?
I know he's here.
I tracked his location on
my phone, and I know he's here,
looking at all these women
and eating steak.
He volunteered to help me
find a present for Victoria.
We're having dinner,
as you can see.
And he just left with Wes,
so...
Well, you
want to know something?
The only thing
that man volunteers for
is eating the last piece
of chicken on the dinner table.
You tell him to be at my place
by 10:00, or Mr. Ton of Love
is gonna be in a ton of pain.
-Yes, ma'am.
-Y'all really messed up.
The nerve.
I know he's here.
Vic, I'm home.
Vic? You home?
- I'm here.
Hey.
What happened?
They went with someone else.
Someone with more referrals.
But how can I get referrals
if no one wants to hire me?
I know, I know.
It's okay, babe.
Is there anything I can do?
-No.
-Hey.
Wine.
-Wine?
-Mm, wine.
-Coming right up, baby.
-Yeah.
-Just keep eating that, okay?
-Yeah.
Brad, I need you to try
on the sweater I bought you.
I did.
No, you didn't.
Yes, I did.
- No, you didn't.
You say you did, but you didn't.
No, I tried it on
when I got home. It fits fine.
No, you didn't.
It's actually sitting
exactly where I put it.
How does she do that?
Ah.
Where'd you get this --
the kids' section?
Hmm.
Have you gained some weight?
Oh, why? Do I look fat?
No, don't be so sensitive.
I'm not being sensitive.
I'm just concerned
about my health.
-Okay.
-Thank you.
-It was a very sweet gift.
-Mm. You're welcome.
Real sweet.
-Ta-da!
-What's this?
Open it.
Hm.
Oh.
Duran Duran's greatest hits.
You shouldn't have.
It's got that song
you like so much.
-Yeah.
-"Hungry Like the Wolf."
Yeah, thank you so much.
I love it.
If you don't like it,
you can, you know...
-No. I love it. It's perfect.
-If you want, we can exchange --
I love it. I love it. Okay?
I love it.
I'm so happy. I'm gonna
play it all day tomorrow.
-You know, when I saw it...
-Mm-hmm.
...I knew it was
the perfect gift for you.
Yeah. It's perfect.
It's really what I need.
No, I really love it.
I really do. Yeah.
So what do you think of Wes?
Um, I don't know.
He's okay, I guess.
Do you find him attractive?
I suppose. Why are you asking?
Just curious.
What does he have that I don't?
Why are you asking
such silly questions?
Is it because of that
little roll in the midsection?
So you think I am getting fat.
No, no. No, no.
Mm.
Come on. Mm...
-Good night.
-Night.
Look, one of the reasons
she married you is to have kids.
I know, man, and I want kids.
I just don't know if I'm ready
to be a father right now.
Mm-hmm.
What I'm saying is,
you screw this up,
you may not have a wife.
-Just like that?
-Just like that.
Hm.
Victoria wouldn't be
interested in somebody like Wes.
Man, she's smarter than that.
Look, a woman like
Victoria is not gonna announce
that she's unhappy.
Especially to her husband.
No, a woman like that,
she wants to know that
she's being thought about.
You know, that she's important.
See, the thing is,
I know how she thinks, man.
She wouldn't be
interested in Wes.
Oh, yeah.
Let me think about that.
Yeah. Yeah.
No vacations,
no kids, and crappy gifts.
Yeah, you're a keeper.
Put it down.
Why would they have that
out there?
It's gonna scare people
from having kids.
It's for educational purpose.
-Okay.
-Put it down, please.
Yes.
Victoria Wilson.
Oh, yes.
Put it down. Put it down.
Here you go.
I'm strangely aroused
right now.
You are a strange man.
Shh.
Hello, Victoria.
I'm Dr. Young.
-Hello. Very nice to meet you.
-Likewise.
Yeah, I'm Dr. Young. And Brad.
Right?
Bradley.
- Bradley. Bradley.
Okay, okay. All right.
So you're trying
to have a child?
- Yes.
- Awesome.
And so, can you tell me
about any other treatments
that you've started
up until this point?
-Um, nothing.
-Just the usual.
Um, we haven't tried anything.
Good, good. Okay.
So I understand
that it can be difficult.
-Uh-huh.
-Okay? But...
Excuse me, Dr. Young.
We'll need you in exam room 3.
I'm so sorry.
I'm just gonna go take care
of something real quick.
Dr. Young. He's gonna go play
with his Legos.
We got Doogie Howser here
as our doctor.
He's barely gone
through puberty.
He comes highly recommended.
By who?
His grade-school teacher?
No. By Jennifer.
She got pregnant
-after her first visit, okay?
-Well, I was kind of hoping
for somebody old and bald, like
Jean Picard from Star Trek.
Can you not embarrass me
any more, please?
Sure.
So sorry. Okay.
So what we'll do
is run a few tests.
-Okay.
-And then I think
we're gonna start you off
on columbamine
and -- let's see --
some hormone injections.
See how that works. And if we
don't see a positive reaction,
then we'll take a look
at insemination. Sound good?
-Sounds good.
-Thank you so much.
Absolutely. And by the way,
um,
"Doogie Howser" --
great show.
But I will say
that I am 33 years old,
so, you know,
not in puberty anymore,
if you ask the doctor.
He's 33 years old.
He's an old man.
He's so wise.
He's like a miniature Buddha
with hair.
Quit, quit. Okay, enough.
Enough.
Brad, my boy. How's the
Talbot account coming along?
I should have the numbers
finalized by this evening.
Oh, fantastic. Just remember --
There's a lot riding on this,
so don't screw it up.
I won't let you down.
-Good chap.
-Okay.
Why?
Don't start.
Don't start.
I'm not in the mood.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
There's a lot riding on this.
Dude.
Dude, what's up with that?
Are we having
a full body massage next?
Dude, what's up with that?
Is it some kind
of British thing?
I don't know, but you are the
only one he touches like that.
-You're hilarious.
-Listen, you know what?
I think
I'm gonna leave the room.
I disturbed something
very intimate and sacred.
Just wait till he gets his hands
on your shoulders.
Oh, no. See, all this,
this is a woman's only body.
-Yada yada yada yada.
-Mark my words.
It will happen.
You will get massaged by Nigel.
-Salud.
-Salud.
All right with me.
-Mm.
-Yeah.
Hey, you. Remember me?
It's been a while,
and you never called me.
That doesn't mean
I wasn't thinking about you.
-Really?
-Yeah.
I mean, you were
always on my mind.
-Mm.
-Okay, Willie Nelson.
I didn't believe
that would work.
I don't have the slightest idea
who she is.
Sometimes you just got to tell
them what they need to hear.
And what's that?
Well, it depends.
You got to listen.
For her, hope.
Hope?
Women desire one thing
above all else.
They're all looking
for that one thing.
We're listening.
To feel wanted.
They need to believe you're
thinking about them 24/7.
Now, you can give him
a compliment now and again.
But when you make
a woman feel wanted,
and I mean truly wanted,
needed, desired...
...putty in your hands.
Can I get you fellas
anything else to drink?
Yes. Another round on him.
Ah.
In case you, uh, lost
the first one.
You see what I mean?
Wow.
Did you just see what happened?
Or are you too busy
thinking about your boat?
No man can have this effect
on every woman.
See, that's the problem.
You don't understand women.
Now, if you would have spent
more time dating
when we were younger,
instead of spending
your Saturday nights mimicking
the sound of a dead cow
on that tuba of yours, maybe...
For your information,
that was Mozart, moron.
Okay, all right, all right,
all right. Enough.
All right? It's like we're back
in high school all over again.
All right, listen, guys,
I think we can all agree
that when it comes
to the female mind,
-look, Wes is the man.
-Agreed.
Absolutely not.
Why does it make you so mad
that I can get any woman I want?
Oh, come on!
You can't get any woman.
-Yeah, I think he could.
-No.
Not any woman.
Shall we bet?
Yes, as a matter of fact,
we shall.
You know you already lost
the last bet?
All right.
You know the deal.
Pick any woman in the world.
-Victoria.
-Whoa!
-It's not happening.
-There's no way
she would fall for this act.
-Come on. It's a bad idea.
5 grand says she would
never fall for your act.
-Dude, what are you doing?
-Scared?
No, wait, wait. Hold on, please.
We need to go talk. Let's go.
Mnh-mnh.
What's wrong with you?
You swim 20 laps
in the stupid pool?
Victoria would never fall
for Wes.
Do you know Victoria will do
when she finds out
-you used her in this bet?
-You made a bet with him.
-But not with your woman.
-Listen.
I know what I'm doing.
She's not gonna fall
for Wes' act.
Listen. All right?
Your marriage
may not be that strong.
And now you're gonna invite
Don Juan over here
to go show her what you're not?
These are favorable odds.
That's what these are.
More like unfavorable odds.
So do we have a bet?
You're serious?
Mm, listen, man.
I'm your friend.
There's no way
I'm gonna be responsible
for breaking up your marriage.
No way.
Look, finally,
someone who's talking sense.
So you admit that all this
talk about women is just talk?
All right. You know what?
I'm gonna take this bet.
I'm gonna take this bet.
It's a bad idea.
10 days, it's gonna be done, but
you better be ready to pay up.
-Yeah?
-Deal.
But no physical contact,
the deal's off.
Don't come whining to me
when your marriage breaks up.
This is on you. Mm?
-All right.
-It's breaking up a dynasty.
Come on!
Shots!
Come on. Really?
You think Victoria's not gonna
find out about this bet?
I'm telling you,
this is smooth as silk.
She's gonna ignore
every move Wes makes.
-I got this.
-Mm.
-Every move?
-Every move.
Every move?
Never been more confident
in my life, Kenny.
Wouldn't have made
the bet otherwise.
Okay, so after she kills you,
can I get the boat?
-I have great news.
-Really? What?
I landed a client!
-That's fantastic. Who?
-Yes.
You know your friend Wes?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
So he hired me
to redecorate his whole office.
You know what that means?
-It means...
-Mm, no, I don't know.
-What does that mean?
-I have a referral.
-And also --
-There's an "and."
Yes. If he likes my work,
he may hire me to redecorate
the whole building.
And then he's gonna market me
to his clients.
-Mm...
-Isn't that great?
-It's -- It's --
-Oh, I love you so --
- Mm!
- Mm...
-I'm so happy.
-I love you, baby.
Yeah. You have lipstick there.
Do you want some wine?
Can you believe him? Hmm?
Offered Victoria a job.
Worse than that --
He's getting her hopes up.
I told you not to do this.
I told you, I told you.
I said, "No, don't do that."
But no, you didn't want
to listen, okay?
And now you're in the ring
with Wes,
and your wife is the ring girl.
You're an idiot.
That sneaky and conniving...
He's using my wife's job to win.
That's what he's doing.
Ever occur to you
you may lose here?
Yeah. $5,000.
I'm talking about your wife.
Dude, what's wrong with you?
It's like, as a child, did you
just slip, bump your head,
and have oxygen deprivation?
You definitely hit your head
a few times.
Come on in.
You know, I don't know
what I was thinking.
Victoria told you
the good news?
Yeah.
You know,
she's actually quite talented.
She deserves to work
on projects like this.
Oh, you and your fancy suits
and your fancy perfumes.
You know, you're just getting
her hopes up
with this fake job offer.
You know that?
On the contrary.
I'm treating her the way
that she deserves to be treated.
I'm recognizing her value.
We can call
this whole thing off.
-Really?
-Absolutely.
Just cut me a check.
Call it quits.
Nah.
Just, uh, cut you a check, huh?
Listen, Bradley.
I've pretty much already
won this.
You know it, I know it.
This may be the easiest
5 grand I've ever won, buddy.
Or the most agonizing
5 grand you ever lost.
-We'll see about that.
-Yes, we will.
The bet's still on.
By the way,
those socks look ridiculous.
Hmm.
So how's the project coming?
Oh, great. Wes is so happy
with my ideas so far.
- Oh. That's good.
- Mm.
Oh, and he wants me to come
to New York with him this week
to visit some galleries.
For inspiration.
-I forbid it.
-Hmm?
- Inspiration. That's amazing.
- Mm-hmm.
How long will you be gone?
Um, just three days.
And -- Oh.
And he also wants me to
come home to his house tomorrow
to see some art pieces he's got.
- Ah.
- You want to come?
I'm sure he has a lot
he wants to show you.
Mm-hmm.
No. I'd probably just
get in the way.
Oh, okay.
Well, suit yourself.
Hello. This is Roger.
Thank you for calling Gadgets.
-How may I help you?
-Yes, I called earlier
about the listening device
and binocs.
Yes. Your number has came up.
This is Mr. Bradley.
We do have those thing for you
ready for pickup at 4:00.
And those other thingies
I requested?
Yes, sir.
Roger that.
Sir, you live here?
Put your hands
where I can see them.
Turn around for me.
Turn around.
Put your hands behind your head.
Interlock your fingers.
Spread your legs.
Alright, I'm gonna
take this off.
Put this behind your back.
I can't believe...
Dressed like that anyway?
Ninjitsu training.
I was actually --
Never mind.
It's for
nighttime boot camp.
Finally get a break
in my career.
And this is the time that
you decide to behave like a...
...like a 16-year-old brat.
Well, I was training for --
I don't want to know.
No, I got it.
I got a plane to catch.
Keys...
I'll only be gone
for three days.
I made your favorite
vegetarian lasagna.
I'll call you when I get in.
Okay.
Are you gonna behave yourself?
None of that commando stuff
when I'm gone.
I won't.
Promise?
Hmm?
I promise.
Mmm. I'll miss you.
Miss you, too.
Okay, fine.
It's not what it looks like.
Promise.
It's not what it looks like.
Strong wire for climbing.
Segal Series 300 binocs.
For Cancer Awareness Month.
What are your plans
with all this stuff?
You some type of assassin, spy?
No, sir, neither of those.
-First name?
-Bradley.
-Last name.
-Wilson.
I was going to New York
to spy...
Oh, really?
...on my wife and my friend.
Pretty little blonde
on your phone screen saver?
Yes.
And she's cheating on you
with your friend?
Yes, sir. No.
My friend is a womanizer.
Uh-huh.
I hate him.
Yeah.
Look, it's not
what it looks like.
I'm not a stalker.
I, uh...
I, uh, made a bet,
a stupid, stupid, stupid bet
with my friend
that he couldn't seduce my wife.
And now they're going
to New York together.
You're right.
This does look bad.
I know it was stupid.
You think?
I don't want to lose my wife.
I promise, if you let me go,
I will never again give you
a reason to arrest me.
Please.
Trust is fluid.
It only works depending
on the amount of work
you put in to keep it.
I trust I won't have to
see you again.
You won't.
For the record, your wife isn't
an object you can just bet on.
A man that finds a wife
finds a good thing.
Love her and be thankful.
You're free to go.
Welcome to Lux Hotel.
Yes, I'd like a room
for one, please.
We have one room available,
and it's $1,000 per night.
Yeah, that's great.
Do you need help with your bags?
No, thank you.
I'm okay.
-Would you like a receipt?
-Yes, that'd be great.
I do hope you enjoy your stay
here at Lux Hotel.
Thank you so much.
Oh, come on!
How may I help you?
Yeah, I'd like the room number
for one of your guests, please.
I'm sorry, we're not allowed
to give out
our guests' room numbers.
Right, sure.
I understand.
But he's one of my best friends.
His name is Wesley Dobbs.
You'll probably find him
right there.
I'm sorry, sir,
but we're not allowed
to give out that information.
Yes, this is
what I was thinking.
That's exactly
what I was thinking.
-Very interesting.
-Yeah.
There's a lot
of interpretations.
Yeah.
Oh!
-Hi.
-Hi.
Welcome to the art gallery.
Do you know Amadorian?
-Amadarian?
-Amadorian.
Absolutely.
Huge fan.
Oh, it's nice
to have a fan here.
Would you like
something to drink?
I'm okay. I'm just gonna
look around, if that's okay.
-Yeah, sure.
-Thank you.
Absolutely.
Look at the strokes.
-Passion.
-Yeah. The colors.
Longing. There's a lot of
yearning and longing and lust.
Love like a young
budding love.
- Yes.
- Yeah. Feel that.
Bodies pulsating, vibrating.
-I feel that, too.
-Yeah.
It's beautiful.
It's absolutely beautiful.
Right. I do. I do.
I-I feel it.
Right now, actually.
-Right now.
-I know exactly...
-I think we can --
-I love this painting.
Yeah? I'll talk
to the gallery owner.
Really?
Yeah, absolutely.
Absolutely.
-You're beautiful.
-Oh. Thank you.
You're very welcome.
I really like this.
This is interesting.
-But still...
-Yeah?
You like this?
This one for sale?
Yeah, this work show Amadorian
and his use of...
all of his textures he painted.
He was like --
You can see, like,
all the textures and colors.
Like, this is, like,
one of his best works.
One of his best works?
He puts a lot of effort
into the subtle overtones
and undertones,
the full-body flavor.
Well, it is $5,000
for this painting.
Catch a rainbow, $5,000?
I'm getting old, you know.
Hey!
-Hey, where's the fire?
-You okay, buddy?
Hey, we're walking here.
Table for one?
Yeah, do you have
a table in the front?
I'm a little phobic
of tables in the back.
Okay, let me check to see
if there's one available.
Just one second.
- Excuse me.
- Hi. Yes?
Yeah.
Right this way.
-Can I have one of those menus?
-Sure.
Thank you so much.
W-Will this be okay?
This is great.
Thank you so much.
Okay. Your waiter will
be right with you.
-Enjoy.
-Thank you.
Welcome to Sauce Boss Kitchens.
Are you ready to order?
Uh, sure.
-Uh...
-Get you something to drink?
-Water.
-Okay.
And do you
have a kids' meal?
Uh, no, we don't have
a kids' meal available,
but I have a house salad
or something like that for you.
Yeah, let's just
do the house salad.
Okay, so I'll get you
a house salad
and a drink -- a glass of water.
-Perfect. Thank you so much.
-Okay.
Alright.
Thank you, sir.
I may want dessert.
Alright.
Sorry about that, sir.
Give me one second.
You in there?
- Hello?
- Yes?
Yes?
Is this your wallet?
Yes.
Thank you very much.
Not from around here, are you?
Yes.
How long you been
in the country?
Uh...yes.
You speak English?
Yes.
Hello?
Why are you talking funny?
Yes, I'm in New York
on vacation.
Oh, my God,
that is a terrible accent.
And why am I not surprised?
Okay. Here's my plan.
I'm gonna follow Wes
and Victoria
and observe from a distance
till Wes makes his move.
Mm-hmm. And then what?
I don't know. I haven't
thought it out that far.
That's a stupid plan.
You got a better one?
Uh, yeah.
Trust your wife
and come back home.
You call that a better plan?
That plan sucks.
You suck for
telling me that plan.
Dude, is that a toilet flushing?
No.
Dude, that's a toilet flushing.
Oh, my God, I hope you are not
sitting on the toilet,
and I hope you're not
doing number two.
-Excuse me, Mr. Perfect!
-Oh, man, you disgust me.
You -- You know
how I feel about toilets.
That's for giving me
a stupid plan!
Oh! Oh, man. You -- You --
You crossing boundaries, man.
Oh, man.
I'm -- I'm hanging up.
Excuse me, sir.
Is everything okay?
This is not my table.
Some of the best food
in the city.
-Yeah. Give me one second.
-Okay.
I'm stepping out
for the evening.
I've got a package
coming in the morning.
I just want to make sure it gets
to me as soon as possible.
What's your room number?
Thank you very much.
Appreciate it.
Got the two tones.
It's warm,
but it's contemporary.
-Absolutely.
-Minimalistic.
-Scandinavian design.
-Looks beautiful.
-Excuse me.
-Yeah.
Looks really nice.
Uh, maybe you should, um...
-Take some photos.
-Yeah. Absolutely.
-Alright, let's be on our way.
-Okay. Sounds good.
You look absolutely
ravishing, by the way.
- Thank you.
- Yes.
Stop it!
Stop it!
She likes me for me
'cause I'm a good person.
It's not my -- my body,
even though it's beautiful,
or my houses.
I'm, like, a good --
I'm coming.
Just give me a second.
Hello?
Not a good time.
Oh, am I gonna have to
talk you off a ledge?
I don't think
that'll be necessary.
- When you coming back?
- Tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Okay. Alright.
-Pick me up a souvenir.
-A what?
You know, a souvenir,
you know, key chain, coffee mug.
You're a moron.
You want a coffee mug?
Yes, actually, there's one
that I really want,
and I know they have it.
It's called a Boogie Cup.
Alright.
You're an idiot.
I got to go. Bye.
It's not what it looks like.
Brad, is that you?
Yeah. It's me.
You're home early.
Mm-hmm.
Wes dropped me off
a little while ago.
-How was your trip?
-Amazing.
So amazing.
I learned so much about Wes.
Did you know that he works
with clients in Dallas
who are very, very important
and he does legal work for
Jerry Jones and Robert Rollins?
Did you know that?
Did you know that?
Did you know that
he has a private jet?
Did you know that?
You didn't know?
-He's so cool.
-He sure is.
Yeah. Did you miss me?
-Missed you a lot.
-Yeah?
-How was things here?
-Uh, really busy.
Had a few important
things to do.
-Uh-huh. Like what?
-It was good.
But let me grab a snack,
and we'll finish up upstairs.
-Oh. Okay.
-Alright.
You know I love you
very much, right?
Mm.
Alright, enough praying.
I need to see
where is my souvenir?
My coffee mug.
My Boogie Cup.
Come on.
Dude, why you looking like crap?
It's over, Kenny.
My marriage, everything.
What are you talking about?
Wes was right.
He romanced her,
treated her like a princess.
He won.
-Wow. I didn't know
she was so easy.
Well, you know what you married.
That's not the point.
The point is, what are you
gonna do about it, okay?
Never coach. Never coach.
Don't ever be a coach.
You're --
Dude, you got -- You gonna
do something about it?
You gonna fight
for your wife, at least?
What can I do?
I can't compete with him.
He's won,
and I've just got to --
There's nothing I can do.
Just woe is me.
She doesn't love me.
Dude, come on.
Ow!
What was that for?
Get out!
Get out where?
Your office?
Door policy.
Um, you two guys,
Nigel needs to see you
in the boardroom now.
Alright, man.
It's your move.
Play it smart.
Get you going.
Everything alright?
Ready to seal
this account, right?
Yes. Yes, sir.
Very well, then.
Let's continue.
We at Talbert --
Hang on.
I can't do this.
I have something I have to
take care of.
I'm sorry.
Something more important
than this meeting?
Much more.
Kenny, it's your show now.
Oh, and, Nigel, the neck
massages really creep me out.
It's weird, but Kenny
was just telling me
about how much he wanted one.
He's joking.
My neck is good.
And I promise I'd never talk to
HR about anything you do, Nigel.
-Where's Wes?
-He's at the Omni Hotel.
Hi. You've reached Victoria.
I'm not available right now,
but leave a message,
and I will call you right back.
Kill him. No.
First I'll strangle him.
Yeah.
Yeah, and then I'll kill him.
Happy Valentine's Day, Wes!
I don't do commitments,
I do fists!
Little perfume, Wes!
No no, no, first I'll
push him out a window.
Yeah, then I'll strangle him.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna kill him.
Like whole numbers, do you, Wes?
Do you like that, Wes?
Will you hit the floor?
No, can you push
number eight, please?
Thanks so much.
Ah.
I'm hotel security.
We heard some noise complaints
coming from this room.
Appears to me
that everything's okay, though.
So I'm gonna go ahead
and let you get back to...
-Grape?
-Allergic.
...whatever it was
you were doing.
Bye.
This is 703.
What's going on here?
That is my cue.
Victoria.
I would give up all my homes,
all my plane
if I just had a woman
that would love me
the way that Victoria loves you.
You're the rich one,
buddy, not me.
Good luck.
Victoria, I can explain.
We need to talk.
Rough day?
Yeah, you could say that.
Thank you.
I knew you were a giving person.
God bless you, too.
Hey, you know what this is?
Those are the vows you wrote
for our wedding day.
Do you remember what they said?
"I never asked for roses,
candlelit dinners, or the moon,
because roses fade, candles burn
out, and the moon goes away.
All I want is your love
to last me forever and a day."
Mm.
Do you remember the night
I found out my father died?
How can I forget?
It's the saddest
I've ever seen you.
Until tonight.
And the time I had
an eye infection
and you stayed up all night
putting drops in my eye
even though you had the biggest
meeting of your career
the next morning.
Yeah. You know, I drank
a ton of coffee that day.
Do you know
how difficult it is --
Brad...
...it wasn't the car
you owned or...
the house...
...you didn't have...
...or the money in your
bank account that got me.
-It wasn't?
-Mnh-mnh.
It was your heart.
Beautiful, amazing heart.
made me fall in love with you.
Come here.
Sorry for using you as a bet.
Mm.
If you ever do anything
like that again...
...I will kill you,
I will dismember you,
and I will scatter all
your body pieces in the ocean.
Capisce?
Yes, ma'am.
Good.
Close your eyes.
I want to show you something.
We're not having sex
in the living room.
Just close your eyes.
You're gonna like it.
We're talking, like, better.
- Can I look?
- No, keep them closed.
No peeking.
I want to peek.
Open 'em.
Open 'em.
You like it?
It's Amotus Flavum.
How did you know?
Amadorian.
Oh, my God.
Brad, this is the sweetest gift
you've ever given me.
Thank you so much.
Hey, I have a surprise
for you, too.
-Really?
-Mm-hmm.
I made a doctor's
appointment for you
to make sure you
didn't hurt yourself
when you were spying on me.
Doctor's appointment?
You can run,
but you can't hide.
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may now kiss the bride.
There you go.
Ladies and gentlemen, can
I have your attention, please?
Thank you.
I just wanted to say
that growing up with this guy
was no walk in the park.
I lived in this man's shadow
all my life.
Watched him date his way through
the entire cheerleading section,
the band, the French club.
Let's not forget the chess club,
the drill team, the --
I get it, I get it.
All that to say, if I had to
grow up in any man's shadow...
...I'm glad it was you, man.
You've made me a better man.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's raise our glasses
to the bride and groom.
To a long
and happy life together.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Come on.
Hello?
Oh, so now you want
to answer the phone?
I thought I blocked you.
Kenny, stop playing with me.
Airrea, what are you doing?
Why you calling me?
-Are you at home right now?
-No, I'm not at home.
Okay, well,
your bathroom light's on.
-Someone's there.
-Lights on in my bathroom?
Are you in front of my house?
Kenny, where are you?
You left me.
-Where are you?
-Out with some friends of mine.
I'm having a good time.
Go home.
You left me. Bring me
chicken wings. I'm hungry.
No, I'm not bringing you
any chicken wings.
-Oh!
-Goodbye.
Kenny.
That's my auntie.
She always wants to check on me.
But, you know, she start mixing
that Hennessy with cranberry,
hoo, she becomes
every other person.
Just got to let her
do her thing.
You know what I mean?
But cheers to us.
And to me, last man standing.
-Congratulations, man.
-Hey. You as well.
-Good times.
-Amen.
Yeah. Boy or girl?
Girl.
Phew!
She looks anything
like Victoria,
you are gonna have
a hard time, my friend.
I know, but you know what?
I'm ready.
No boys until she's 30.
No boys like you forever.
That's good advice.
That's good advice.
You know you still
owe me $5,000, right?
Really? It's funny, 'cause
I remember you owing me $5,000.
The bet was that Victoria
would get seduced.
-It never happened.
-I beg to differ.
Keep begging.
I like it when you beg.
I'm pretty sure
she was attracted to me.
Just ask her.
I bet she'll say otherwise.
Bet? Have you not learned
your lesson yet, man?
Scared?
Mm-mm!
Alright.
I bet you $5,000 she admits
that she was attracted to me.
You're on.
Okay.
After all that time
you spent in New York,
where you gonna come up
with five G's, buddy?
The $5,000 you owe me
for being a tattletale.
-Oh!
-A tattletale?
Okay, we're back in
elementary school now, I got it.
If we were in elementary school,
I'd whup your butt right now.
I think --
I think not, sir.
I don't think you could have
kicked your own butt.
As a matter of fact,
I think any one of
those girls in your band class
would have kicked
your tuba-playing butt.
Oh, very funny. Gonna bring
my tuba into this again, huh?
I told you, that was Mozart.
Oh, that's what it was?
Okay, fine.
Alright, I thought it was
the sound of a dying moose,
but that's just me.
Take that back.
-No.
-Yes.
Let's go talk to Victoria.
I got $5,000 on Victoria.
Hey, drop -- drop the bet,
drop the bet, drop the bet.
Alright. Really?
You're actually gonna tell her?
So how about I tell your bride
about the trip to Mexico
and the three sisters
and their mother?
-No. Okay.
-That's what I thought.
-Alright.
-We're good.
-Alright.
-Vegas?
Yeah, absolutely.
Cheers, buddy.
Alright.