Unicorn Boy (2023) Movie Script
1
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[Matty] So I'm at a bit
of a breaking point.
I'm very tired.
I need to, like,
actually feel...
like I'm changing,
like I'm becoming
who I'm supposed to be.
[soft dramatic music]
[phone thumps]
[liquid pouring]
[tapping]
-[exciting music]
-[squealing]
[creaking]
[lamp crashes]
[fire alarm ringing]
[gasps]
[soft music]
[dryer humming]
[chimes]
[chimes]
[lock clicking]
[chimes]
[squishing]
[splatters]
[indistinct chatter]
[clears throat]
So there's another skunk
in my backyard.
But the good news is that
it hasn't sprayed yet.
But then, you know,
I'm kind of, like,
gonna just leave it
because it started
to eat all the dead cats.
And I know you're thinking,
that's crazy.
Well, do skunks
even eat dead cats?
Well, yeah,
I didn't know either,
and then we found this out.
And at this point,
I'm like, should I
get rid of the dead cats
by skunking them,
or is the skunk
gonna spray me
and then we have
dead cats and that skunk?
It's-- and then that's
not a good situation.
Did she-- did she text back?
Mm.
You-- nothing?
Yeah, I, um--
so I drew her a picture and I--
I wrote "I love you"
at the bottom.
Uh... and then I drove
over to her house
'cause I did it
in the middle of the night
and I wanted her to see it.
So I went over and I--
I left it at her door
near the flowerpot,
and I also said,
"Sorry for breaking up
with you impulsively.
I-- I kind of-- you know,
that was a mistake."
And then so I left it there.
I think her neighbors saw me,
I don't know,
so I kind of ran away.
I don't know if she saw it.
She didn't text me back
or anything, and--
should I--
should I text her again?
I already texted her
a few times today
to see if she read the letter.
Maybe I--
should I go back
and check
that the letter's there?
Or should I--
I don't-- what do--
what do you think?
Um...
a little creepy.
I wouldn't be
texting her anymore.
Maybe just kind of let that,
you know, settle.
But love is creepy, man.
You love her, then, yeah?
[muffled] I think I do.
-What?
-[muffled] I said
I think I do love her.
Oh. So that's a maybe?
Hmm.
Thank you so much.
-[phone buzzes]
-[gasps]
Sorry. That's mine.
-[sighs]
-[phone buzzes]
Okay, so little update
on the situation.
Brittany just said
that the skunk did run off
but that it squirted
on its way out.
But-- but the smell scared off
all the stray cats
that were living
underneath the house
and-- which is a super
big plus for me.
I'm gonna take that as a win.
-[laughs]
-[phone chimes]
Oh, but-- but-- but...
it left a dead half-eaten cat
underneath the house,
which is not ideal.
Oh, you know what?
I'll just let the raccoons
finish it off
because the raccoons get under
the house all the time.
Man, this is-- the world
has a funny way
of working itself out,
you know what I mean?
Don't worry, baby.
The raccoons will eat
the dead cat.
Love you,
my sweet, beautiful angel.
Sorry if the raccoons drag
any more cat guts on the porch.
I know you hate
when that happens.
You are the light in my life.
Love, dead cat guts.
I mean love Sethward.
Man, I don't know
how I-- I keep confusing
dead cat guts with myself.
[sniffles]
You and Brittany
are so freaking cute together.
I guess.
Honestly, she smells
kind of like pickles.
But you love pickles.
Yeah, but not every day.
I just wish I had a--
a pickle.
I'm just a--
I'm just a dumb burrito,
empty inside.
I just don't think
anyone could love me.
I don't--
Are you kidding me?
I love burritos.
They're, like,
one of my favorite-est food
that I've ever eaten.
[crying]
Okay, you're gonna come out
to my show tonight
and screen one of your
weird cartoons, yeah?
Mm.
Come on,
it's your favorite thing.
All your friends
are gonna be there.
Sethward, I'm gonna
tell you something,
and I don't think
you're gonna believe it,
but I need you to
because you're my friend.
Yeah. What's up, buddy?
This morning, I s--
I saw a uni--
[groans]
Are you okay, Matty?
Do you-- do you
believe in uni--
[groaning]
What's-- what's going on?
[groaning]
Are you feeling okay, Matty?
All right, I'll be here.
Um...
-[lights buzzing]
-[footsteps stomping]
[retching]
[groaning]
[mystical music]
[gasps]
[laughs]
[exciting music]
[Sethward] Hey, um,
you okay in there, Matty?
[chuckles nervously]
Matty?
All right, I'm not getting
any response from you, buddy,
so, uh, I'm gonna have
to bust down this door.
Step back.
3, 2, 1, yah!
[groans]
Okay, that didn't work
because I didn't give it
my 110%.
I'm gonna take
a running start this time.
[footsteps stomping]
-[door crashes]
-Ow!
I'm gonna use my head
on this one.
Stand back.
-[door crashes]
-Ow, my head!
Ow!
Oh, sorry, Matt.
I guess I'm not strong enough.
Doesn't anyone in here
have a key to the bathroom,
for goodness sakes?
This is an emergency,
code red!
My friend Matt
is very saddened right now,
and he might not have fallen
in the toilet and can't get out.
Oh, I'm gonna get in there
if it's the last stinking
thing I do.
It's all in the legs.
And maybe a little
in the mustache.
3, 2, 1.
-[door crashes]
-Oh-ho-ho!
Matt, please don't be dead,
'cause then it would be my fault
'cause I'm too weak
to open this door!
I'm so sorry!
Matt!
[screaming]
Whoa!
[gasping]
What-- whoa!
[screams, grunts]
[creature] Ah.
[light music]
Yeah.
Hi.
Whoa.
Hi.
Uh...
I said hi.
Why didn't you answer me?
[crying]
Oh, sorry. Hi.
Hi.
Ah. Hi.
Oh. Hello.
What's up?
Yo.
What, you don't
want in on this?
In on what?
Oh, no, thanks.
I'm good.
Have a good day.
[both] Okay.
Let us know
if you change your mind.
Bye.
Yeah.
-Hello.
-Hey. Yeah.
-Hi.
-Yeah.
-Hey, yeah.
-Hi.
-Yeah.
-Hi.
Hi.
All right.
What is--
is this real?
What-- [thuds]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I knock you over?
You.
Where am I?
What's going on?
[creatures muttering]
Mm.
Hey, stop.
Where are you going?
[panting]
[playful music]
[creatures continue muttering]
You can't just grab people
out of bathrooms.
Hmm, wait,
I was just in the bathroom.
This can't be real.
Did I trip and hit my head
on the sink?
Then I'm probably
on the gross bathroom floor
-bleeding out of my skull.
-[chuffs]
I know your life's supposed
to flash before your eyes
before you die, but I've never
been anywhere like this.
This is wonderful.
The best scenario would be
I'm in a fugue state
and my mind's here and my body's
in the-- in the coffee shop.
Oh, I hope I don't
say something
embarrassing to Sethward.
Oh, gosh,
what if Violet calls me
while I'm in my fugue state
and I say something weird?
I prepared stuff.
Oh, goodness.
[dramatic music]
W-- uh, how--
what are you doing?
How'd you get there?
Mm.
[suspenseful music]
[neighs]
[screaming]
-[exciting music]
-[screaming]
Oof. [groans]
[retches]
[gasps] Oh.
[dramatic music]
[light music]
So I know you're probably
just a hallucination
from blood loss
to my brain tissues...
but do you have a name?
Maybe he just
doesn't understand.
[neighing] Name?
What's your...
name?
[retches]
Ugh.
How could something
so beautiful be so disgusting?
-Ugh.
-[retches]
Ugh! Oh!
I think I swallowed,
like, a ton of that stuff.
[groaning]
Hmm?
Oh.
There's just a bunch
of giant holes here?
Uh, okay.
[gate rattling]
[ethereal music]
[upbeat music]
Ooh!
[grunting]
[whinnies]
[mechanical whirring]
Welcome, noble visitor,
to my city of Glimmastag,
capital of
the Unicornian Dynasty,
the oldest unicorn regime
in all of the land of Enhorning.
Wow.
She's so elegant and beautiful.
-[electricity crackling]
-[parts rattling]
As the Uniangels'
chosen people
and bestowed
with their purest grace,
our perfect symmetry
with the land of Enhorning's
enchanted magnetic core
allows us to harness our divine
magical gifts perfectly.
Ah!
I have no clue
what she's talking about.
Infallible adherence
to this wonderful societal order
is what makes us
Unicornians continue to garner
happiness and thrive
now and for centuries to come.
This is so cool.
Enjoy your stay
in our oasis of purity.
Oh, and please ignore any giant
hoofprints, ominous mist,
or scourged earth
surrounding our city.
We promise, there is no danger.
And don't forget to wipe
your hooves on the way in.
[laughs]
Wait, those are giant
hoofprint outside the gate?
Oh.
Well, I guess I trust this queen
knows what's going on
'cause she's the queen.
So everything's A-okay, right?
Yeah, Matty, everything's safe.
You're good.
Am I overstepping?
I don't--
A world where everyone
can do magic.
It's so perfect.
-Hi.
-[retches]
-Oh.
-I'm so sorry about that.
Hey, are you sure
I didn't need to, like,
check in at customs
or anything when we got here?
Everybody's looking at me
all, like, snootily.
Mm, I think you missed
a little bit of that stuff.
So if we get the opportunity,
maybe wipe your feet again.
Ah, and why don't you wipe
yourself away from our city,
unclean heathens!
[retches]
[whinnies]
Disgusting.
Sorry, everyone.
Get rid of it.
Mm.
Ugh.
Unclean heathens.
Oh, I'm so disappointed.
So do you want to keep going
this direction?
Are we headed
through this gate?
Is there a destination
we're going to,
or are we just
kind of wandering?
[retches]
Going through here?
Okay.
Uh, hold on.
Let me just--
[buzzer blares]
-[man] What?
-Hi there. Uh--
Prince Purpleton,
how many times have--
you know the rules.
You aren't supposed to use
the buzzer if you have a key.
Prince Purpleton?
Wait, is that you?
Are you-- are you a prince?
[gasps] Ooh!
[buzzer blares]
Oh, hello.
You were just on the other
side of the gate
the whole time, huh?
Prince, you know I'm not
supposed to let anyone up
when she's taking
her daily uninap.
[light music]
Okay, fine.
I could never say no
to that smile.
Just please, please, please,
be quiet.
And wipe your feet.
So are you going to lead us
to our destination,
or are we just wandering?
No. I'm not a theme park
tour guide.
I'm a royal guard who's putting
his job on the line
by simply letting you
go up to the castle.
Okay.
Sorry, Sir Unicorn.
I didn't know.
[laughs] Sir.
Sir is a title
reserved for a knight.
I'm a mere guard,
Guard Pantius.
Cool.
Do you want to be
a knight one day?
Ha!
Do I want to be a knight?
Of course.
It's every guard's dream.
But the way I bend the rules
for Prince Purpleton,
I'm lucky I still have
the horn on my head.
This is the last time, buddy.
[both whinnying]
[stomach gurgles]
No, not now.
Stay in there.
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
No.
Okay.
We're gonna go
up these stairs now.
But it was great
getting to know you.
Uh, keep it real, dude.
I'll see you around.
[gulps, sighs]
What's a dude?
[retches]
[laughter]
[gasps] Oh, no, no.
-No, not now. You cannot--
-You can't catch us.
Your legs
aren't muscly enough.
Maybe you should have
tried harder in guard school.
Hey, I need candy.
Where's the candy?
You guys!
[ethereal music]
[regal music]
Wow. There she is.
She's even more elegant
in person.
Oh, that's right.
These would be your parents
then if you're a prince.
-[whinnies]
-Shh.
Oh, goodness,
it's wonderful to see you, son.
But please wipe your feet.
This is Mommy's nap time,
and if she wakes up to a mess,
it's going to be--
well, you know.
Oh, I missed you
so much, buddy.
You're the point on my horn
and the pupil of my pupil.
Let's just clean up
the puke tracks
and try to be quiet
until nap time is over.
-Sound good?
-Oh, sorry, Your Highness.
We'll keep it down.
I'm just so excited.
[groans]
Do as the king commands!
Shh! General, did you
miss everything I just said
literally a second ago?
Come on, man.
[light music]
[sighs, clears throat]
Sorry, boys,
it's just not the best time.
Maybe come back in...
42 minutes.
I'd really love to meet
your new friend then.
We can sit down
with some soup and salad
and unlimited breadsticks
and really get to know
each other.
And I'm so glad you're
making friends, son,
but right now,
let's just practice
some safe, wholesome
conflict avoidance.
[retches]
[snorting]
[gasps] What?
What the? [neighs]
Is this uncleanliness
that doth enter my castle?
It's okay, sweetie,
they literally just walked in,
and I told Prince Purpleton
to wipe his feet.
Last time
he entered the castle,
half the guards' magic became
grossly unrestrained.
-He's our
beautiful baby boy, hon.
-It is unacceptable!
-You know I love you with
the fire of a thousand stars...
-Dang.
-Are you sure
these are your parents, dude?
-[arguing continues]
You definitely didn't get
their speaking genes, I guess.
[whinnies]
[clears throat]
Excuse me,
Your Royal Highnesses
of the Unicornian Dynasty.
First-- first like to say
your castle has lovely...
articulating barrel vaults?
-Thank you very much, my boy.
-Articulating barrel vaults?
It's a nice compliment,
sweetie.
You did put a lot of work
into the recent roof remodel.
He didn't mean to offend you.
He's just trying to relate
to new people.
[Junipero]
Probably just took one term
of art history in college
and said the first thing
that came to his mind.
He's not from our dimension.
Just look at his unkempt hair
and unwashed sweater.
-Honey.
-Uh...
Barely understand
either of you,
since you're just talking
over each other a lot.
Matthew, our son
is a conspiracy theorist.
He has an illness
you've probably never had
the misfortune of encountering
where you come from.
It's called imagination.
Yeah, we have imagination
where I come from too.
Also, how did you know my name?
Prince Purpleton
says these things,
crazy, reckless things
that just aren't spoken.
They go against
over 5,000 years of literature
in the Unicornian lineage.
Honey horn, you are the oxygen
that flows through my blood
and the polish
that makes my coat shine.
But I feel like as long
as he isn't hurting anyone,
-he should carve his own path.
-[prince nickers]
Yeah, not if he
is literally carving
a path through our kingdom!
I've had it up to my horn
with our son's cornswabblery.
Did he show you one of those
giant fake hoofprints
he carved up
to try and scare people
into believing
his delusions, huh?
He claims a large horse
is gonna attack our city.
[laughs]
Like anything could
breach my walls.
They're made
of crystallized diamond quartz
harvested by
the Uniangels themselves.
Large horse, huh?
But you-- but you said
in your beautiful and
well-spoken presentation
that there's nothing
to worry about, right?
Sweetie, digging giant,
gaping holes is just a phase.
I dug giant, gaping holes.
My father dug
giant, gaping holes.
His father dug holes so big,
you wouldn't believe it.
It's no big deal.
And yes, he might have a tiny
issue with his imagination,
but we can help with that.
Why don't we all sit down for
some pea soup, a garden salad,
unlimited
whole wheat breadsticks,
and talk this thing out
like the civilized
royal unicorns that we are.
I could go for some breadsticks
right now.
Enough with the breadsticks,
Uniturius!
Oh, maybe-- oh, I see.
You don't remember him as a baby
spitting up
those disgusting rainbows
that stained the royal garments!
[Uniturius]
For some unicorns,
like our son,
it's harder to repress
their sometimes disgusting
true magical impulses.
Some-- some unicorns?
Who else?
Show me one other unicorn
that has trouble repressing
their innate
and offensive magic
and channeling
the will of the Uniangels.
Do you want people
to completely lose their minds
and sanity?
[retches]
[upbeat music]
I'm a million degrees hot,
and I'll burn everyone...
with love!
Yeah! [giggles]
You see?
Proof that Prince Purpleton
is a bad influence
and makes people's magic
go dangerously unhinged.
Maybe I should step outside
and let you guys talk for a bit.
Yes, Matthew,
you should definitely go.
My boy, it was so wonderful
to meet you.
And you should come back
one day way in the future.
Like, way, way in the future.
[groaning]
Besides,
I think you're expecting
a call from Violet.
Oh, right.
Wait, how did you know that too?
Hey, I've seen
a lot of things today
I didn't think I'd ever see
and felt a lot of things that
I didn't think I could feel.
So I think if we all take
a deep breath and say our piece,
we can figure out
what's going on here.
-[groaning]
-[grunting]
[groaning] Begone!
-Get out, out, out!
-Oh.
-I cast you out!
-This is kind of cool, actually.
[dramatic music]
[groans]
Whoo.
Wow, that was intense,
for sure.
[somber music]
Oh, hey, buddy, are you okay?
Look, I know things
can be rough.
That was pretty tough.
I'm actually going through
something myself right now
that is, you know, taking a lot
out of me, so I understand.
Whoa!
-[uplifting music]
-Whoa!
[grunting]
Whoa!
[grunts]
[dramatic music]
[suspenseful music]
[distant animal noises]
Hey, uh, just want to check in.
Is it totally safe
that we're walking
around this dark forest
if there's, like, a giant horse
stomping around on the loose?
[whinnies]
Okay. Yeah, I trust you.
I just... don't want to die.
Whoa! [grunts]
Uh, hey, do you want me
to follow you or--
if you're just grabbing
something, I can just wait.
Uh, kind of don't want
to be out here alone.
There's gonna be a giant horse
that could step on me
at any moment,
but should I--
[roars]
All right, I'm coming in.
Just step back, I guess.
[muffled] Help.
Yeah.
[ethereal music]
[whooshing]
[grunts]
[groans]
-Hey.
-Ah.
Whoa.
[grand music]
Oh.
[yelps]
Oh.
-Ah.
-Ooh.
[Matty] Wow.
It looks just like me.
-Ah!
-Hmm?
You. [laughs]
[groans]
Uh, what is this thing?
[laughs]
[upbeat music]
[laughs]
[shrieks]
[laughs]
[giggles]
Hi.
It's Peanut Butter Sparkle.
Oh.
Do you know this person?
[bright music]
Uh, okay.
Wait, is that your name,
or...
are you, like,
offering me a dessert?
Yes, I'm...
Peanut Butter--
Okay, I get it,
you're Peanut Butter--
Peanut Butter Sparkle.
[whooping]
I'm Peanut Butter Sparkle.
Cool.
So does she have
to hang out with us?
She's not gonna leave?
Cool.
[dramatic music]
[snoring]
[piano playing]
Buddy, I just really want
to say thank you for today.
And I do realize I'm probably
still in the bathroom,
bleeding profusely.
And Sethward can't get to me
to resuscitate me.
But I've accepted
I can't do anything about that.
I really-- this is where I would
want to be if I were in a coma.
This is wonderful.
Thank you.
[suspenseful music]
[Matty]
I guess I'm trying to say
I have this picture
of what I think a relationship
is supposed to be,
and this just doesn't
feel like that.
Does that make sense?
[Violet]
I don't know what you mean.
I thought you were happy.
[Matty]
I am happy.
This has been
the best time of my life.
It's just, I feel
like I have to do this.
[Violet] Sorry.
This is very confusing.
Are you breaking up with me
or trying to tell me
I need to change to be with you?
[Matty] Yeah.
No, of course not.
I'm just trying to say
I pictured my first relationship
to be different
than what this was.
[Violet]
Like, with a different person?
[Matty] Um, uh, not, like,
a specific person,
just, like,
a feeling of a person.
[Violet] Do you know
how messed up that is?
And what feeling?
You hardly ever shared
what you were feeling with me,
and I begged you to.
[Matty] It just feels like
a lie to keep going
if it doesn't feel
exactly right. I'm sorry.
And I just don't want
to hurt you later 'cause
I care about you so much.
[Violet]
You don't want to hurt me?
You come to my house
and dump me out of nowhere
because I'm not fitting into
some figment of your
imagination?
What?
[sighs]
[Matty]
I'm really sorry, Violet.
I'm just trying
to do the right thing.
Are you okay?
-[Violet] Please leave.
-[Matty] I don't want you
to be sad.
[Violet]
Please just leave. [echoing]
[screams]
Huh? Hmm?
[screams]
Whoa! Whoa, whoa!
Ah! [grunts]
Hmm?
It's so beautiful.
-But why did you--
-[giggles]
But why did you bring me here?
[laughs]
The little baby
can't just experience
the beautiful trip.
He has to obsessively try
to understand
-and brace himself
for every facet.
-[groans]
Every facet.
[snorts, giggles]
[inhales deeply]
Hmm.
I want to stay here forever.
I just want to stay
with these crickets...
and the squirrels...
and the fish bug things.
And I don't want to go back.
[rumbling]
Hmm? Uh...
[crashing]
[roars]
[gasps] Oh.
Oh, no.
The evil horse is real.
We have to do something.
We have to tell someone!
Is there anyone who can,
like, turn him into marshmallows
or gu-- gumdrops?
Like, what do we do?
Yeah, you're talking
about the Candy Wizard.
He could have helped
if the queen
hadn't already gotten to him
and made him a knight.
He goes by Candius Wizorius
of the Unicornian Dynasty now.
-[Matty] What? No, no!
-So it's a lost cause.
-He wouldn't even
help you anyway.
-No, no, no, no.
[dark music]
[grunts]
[upbeat music]
Go, Prince Purpleton.
Take off over that rainbow
and go back to the castle
so we can tell--
we can report this.
Go.
Faster. Come on.
Let's go.
When I don't want you
to go fast, you go fast,
but now you don't.
Mm.
[roars]
I'll see you later.
[adventurous music]
[indistinct yelling]
Hey, get back--
[retches]
[panting]
[plate shatters]
Shh! Oh, son, I am so happy
that you're back so soon.
But also,
this is the worst timing.
And, Matt,
so good to see you again,
although I really wish
we could have maybe put
something on the books
so we could have
properly planned around
the queen's nap time.
Let's just clean up
the puke tracks
and try to be quiet
until nap time is over.
Sound good?
[groaning]
[grunting]
What have you done
to my sacred palace?
My marvelous mare,
it seemed like it might have
been an accident.
Right, Matthew, total accident?
Shut up.
And where the neigh
are the guards?
-[upbeat music]
-[laughter]
[panting]
I'm sorry, Your Majesties.
I--I--I tried to stop them.
They overpowered me.
The hairless one with the hair,
he forced my magic to escape.
I--I can normally
keep them inside,
keep 'em inside my belly.
I swear this will never
happen again.
You're fired!
Hey, no sweat.
You can work for us.
Whoa, light bulb moment.
We need someone
to feed us candy constantly.
Okay, but, like,
here's the thing.
Like, if you don't do
what we ask you to do,
we will fire you too.
So just be warned.
And-- and I-- and I am so sick
of everybody thinking
that-- that we won't fire them,
because we will.
You need to stop
eating garlic.
You smell.
It's hard to live in there.
-Think about
others for a change.
-Am I really fired?
No, no.
See you for poker Thursday?
[chuckles] Whew.
Thanks, Uniturius.
[laughs]
Back inside.
I need to feed my family.
Now, what does my son
and his band of miscreants want,
other than to ruin my kingdom?
Shush!
Listen to me.
The evil horse is real.
I saw it.
It's out there.
We have to put aside
our differences
and come up with a plan here,
or else our beautiful town's
gonna be destroyed.
Let me say I am very happy
to see your appreciation
for our kingdom.
-It's just refreshing
for an outsider to take such a--
-[stammering]
-Silence!
-Yes, dear.
Look, I don't mean
to be rude, ma'am,
but as the queen,
it's your responsibility
to put aside any self-interest
you might have and do something
to protect your people.
I do not believe you.
[rumbling]
[gasping] Whoa!
[suspenseful music]
[roars]
No, it's happening.
You see?
You dummies,
it was beautiful here.
Now we got to stop it. Hurry.
What do we do?
Come on, buddy.
What do we do?
[screams]
[Sethward] Okay, Matt,
here's a little update
on this side of the wall,
in case you're lucid
and just can't move
or something
in some sort of terrifying
paralysis situation.
The manager called
the door manufacturer,
and the door lock comes from
some company in Japan that--
called Roku Unlimited Security,
and it's tested
over 5,000 pounds.
[man] Hey, bud.
This is the cashier speaking.
I'm not very strong,
but I am good at making coffee.
Just wanted to let you know
that if you make it--
that when you make it out,
any coffee you want
is on the house.
Now, that also includes
any natural creamer.
I'm talking oat, almond, hemp.
[Sethward]
The other coffee patrons
and I have built
a makeshift battering ram
out of the tables.
We made the best-looking
battering ram
you ever gosh darn
put your lazy eyes on.
We're gonna just charge our way
through this door, Matty.
Don't worry.
Keep the faith.
Don't look into the light.
Just pretend
that I'm there with you.
I want you to know,
from the outside,
we're thought-ing
and we're prayer-ing you
so hard right now.
-[whoosh]
-Matt, is that you?
I heard something.
Are you awake?
Okay, buddy, whatever you do,
don't swallow your tongue.
I heard that's the worst thing
that you could do,
and the paramedics
will not be able to revive you
-if you swallow
your tongue and die.
-Why am I back here?
All right, everyone, let's give
this everything we got.
-Three, two, one.
-No!
-Whoa!
-Whoa!
-Whoa!
-[groans]
Thank goodness
you're okay, Matt.
Oh, I'm seeing
some black spots.
[groaning]
[panting]
Where'd it go? [gasping]
[panting]
Whoa. Oh, okay.
Oh, Matty,
thank jeez Louise, you're okay.
I thought that I'd never
see you again.
[croaks]
Look, come to my show
tonight, buddy.
I know that it'll
make you feel better.
And you seem like you need
a little cheering up.
But first, since I don't have
health insurance,
I need you to shine
a tiny flashlight into my eyes
and let me know if you think
that I might have a concussion.
[chuckles]
[water dripping]
[bugs chittering]
[phone chimes]
[plane engine roaring]
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, everybody.
-Welcome to "Show & Tell"...
-[man] Whoo!
The show where we all
get together once a month
and screen comedy videos
and have a ding-dang
good old time.
[laughs]
Oh, boy, you goofballs.
I love every single
one of you so much.
Thank you all
for coming out and supporting
independent comedy.
-Whoo!
-This is one of my most
favorite things
to do every single month.
You guys know how it is.
Living in Los Angeles
can be pretty unbelievably hard
and isolating at times.
Like, you can feel like
nobody cares about you at all,
and all you have is $100
in your bank account
and a broken car that costs
even $2,000 to fix.
So you can't even
go to an audition
and get a gig to be able
to pay for your broken car...
-Huh?
-Or your very sad
and lonely bank account
-that has zero
hundred dollars in it.
-[sighs]
And anyway... [chuckles]
If everyone could please
donate to our show,
it would be super-duper
greatly appreciated.
We have a fine from the city
of Los Angeles
for having a public screening
in the backyard,
which is not
an illegal thing to do.
But you know what?
We got to pay it, so if you
guys could please help--
[man] Shut up!
It's 9:00 p.m.!
Sorry, sir!
We'll keep it down!
Please don't call the police.
[chuckles]
Anyway, our first shower,
a regular and my best buddy
old pal, Matty.
-[applause]
-Love you, Matty.
[laughs]
Thanks, Mark.
Here's a cartoon I made
about my current feelings
on love.
Don't know why I made it.
Kind of grosses me out,
to be perfectly honest.
But...
[car horn honks]
[soft music]
-[blows raspberry]
-[heart beating]
[upbeat music]
[shimmering tone]
-Great job, buddy.
-[Sethward] Next up is--
oh, boy, okay,
here's a little video
that I made about
my deep emotional feelings
on climate change.
[soft music]
[no audible dialogue]
-[laughter]
-Hey!
I said shut up or else,
you fancy mustached freak.
Don't make me come down there.
I'm sorry, sir!
We will keep it down!
-We're almost done.
-[Matty] Hey, sir.
Why don't you take
that thorn in your side,
stick it in your ears,
and then go to sleep
and just let us have fun?
We're just trying to live
our bliss here.
Oh, no, Matty,
it's okay. It's okay.
Sir, I'm sorry.
It is late,
and we are being loud.
Shut up, Sethward.
I've got this.
Oh, kitten's got claws.
-Look out.
-Sorry about that, sir.
Hey, like Sethward said,
we're almost done with the show.
You have a wonderful night,
okay?
[man]
Oh, shut up, Mark.
What are you always
so happy for anyway?
Hey, don't you talk
to Mark like that.
Can't help that he's
a little delicate flower
who can only see the good
in the world, unlike you.
-Thanks, Matty.
-[both] Shut up, Mark.
-Sorry, I love you, Mark.
-My cat needs her beauty sleep.
She has her first
pageant tomorrow.
I'm calling the cops.
Uh, I guess
we're done, everyone.
-[grunting]
-Please feel free to hang out,
have some snacks,
talk to your friend.
Uh, but try to keep
your voices down.
[Mark] Matty, man, sorry
to hear you're going through
all that stuff with Violet.
That's really tough.
We know how you felt about her.
But you have us,
and we love you, man.
-We got your back.
-Oh, yeah.
Breakups are weird
from the inside.
Jeez.
And those games, I hate them.
I hate them so much.
I hate them, Matty.
Thank you for saying that.
I'm just confused,
and I don't know what--
how to fix anything.
Or do I need to fix it?
I don't know.
Sorry to ruin your party.
It's gonna be okay, Matty.
I feel like it's best
when you break up to just--
when you look around
at where you are,
you start to see
that it's even better
than where you were before.
Obviously, that wasn't working.
Better things
are gonna come to you now.
It's gonna be okay, Matty.
-We're here for you.
We love you.
-Huh?
[dramatic music]
Huh?
[soaring music]
[gasps]
I'll catch up
with you guys later.
Where did you get that?
Oh, you mean this organic
cacao and goji berry
dehydrated nut bar?
Well, I cultivated
the baby almonds from
my friend's zero-waste farm.
No, no, no, no, that thing.
Oh, this? Huh.
[chuckles]
I guess I've always had it.
I can't remember.
Do you know how to get back
to Enhorning,
the realm
of the Unicornian Dynasty?
It's in terrible danger.
This Saturday,
come to the Shiny Sanctuary
of Reflectivity, Infinite
Harmony & Crystal Shop
on Melrose and Hillhurst.
-[gasps]
-Bring a yoga mat.
Bye-bye.
What?
[meows]
[groaning]
Oh! [growls]
Brittany,
can you get the cat-unsticking
stick out of the garage?
The stupid stray cat got stuck
in the popcorn machine again.
Now the popcorn's
gonna be buttered with fleas.
-[groans]
-Hey, Matty.
Oh, man,
I'm so glad that you came.
-How you doing, man?
-Sethward, do you know
a guy with a horn?
-Did you invite him?
-Oh, um, no, I don't think so.
But you could check with Alyssa.
She might have.
Okay, glad you're having
a good time, buddy.
I hope I'm helping you
through your mental crisis.
Kind of confused at your
emotional state right now.
This kind of, like, emotional
help is not my strong suite.
Oh, great. Now the skunk
is in the punch bowl.
Brittany, can you
get the skunk gloves
while you're in the garage?
-[animals growling]
-They're next to
the raccoon rake,
underneath the possum pincher.
Okay, there's a girl here.
I invited her, obviously,
and she has a tattoo
of Ariana Grande,
and-- sorry, okay, her tattoo
is Ariana Grande eating nachos.
Are you talking about that girl?
I invited her.
-No.
-Oh, my gosh, it's so funny,
actually, how I know her.
We were at the grocery store,
and I was like, "Hi."
And she was like, "Hi."
And I'm like, "Your voice
is kind of deep."
And she was like,
"Your voice is kind of high."
And I was like, "I know."
No, sorry.
-[gasps]
-Oh!
Unless you mean
the guy with a gauged nose
and a tattooed eyeball.
-No.
-I guess he could have
gotten a horn.
Nah, that's not me, man.
But I do know
who you're talking about.
That's my friend Juice.
Sorry, man.
Mine's actually an implant.
But if you want one,
I got a guy.
You got to know
something, though.
It is painful.
-It hurts.
-Mm.
The whole process is painful.
A lot of cleaning.
When you sleep, you roll on it.
But if it's what you want
and it's gonna make you happy,
I say go for it.
So no luck, huh?
Look, I know that things
can get hard sometimes
and it feels like
you don't have any--
um, I guess
what I'm trying to say
is that you got to kind of
keep your head down
and you got to move.
But don't keep your head
too down because--
put your chin up,
you know what I mean?
And I took this one
psychology class in college
that taught you that you can't--
uh, this is not helping.
What I'm really trying
to say is-- whoa.
[screaming]
Whoa, my hair is on fire!
[car horn honking]
[Matty] Oh, also, I listened
to that band you told me about.
I really liked them.
It reminded me
of that time I held your hand
for the first time.
[Violet] Nice.
Hey, Matt, I-- never mind.
[Matty] Oh, okay.
Hey, I wanted to say
breaking up with you
was a spur-of-the-moment
mistake.
I don't know
what I was thinking.
Do you forgive me?
[Violet]
For breaking up with me?
Uh, yeah, sure,
I forgive you, I guess.
[Matty] Oh, that's--
I can't tell you how big
of a relief that is.
That was a silly mistake,
and I didn't think it through,
breaking up with you.
and I'm so glad that
you forgive me.
-So--
-[Violet] You know,
I love you, Matt.
I didn't want to be
the first one to say that
because I didn't know
if you felt the same.
And then when you
broke up with me--
[Matty]
Oh, I love you too.
-[Violet] All right.
-[Matt chuckles] I do.
I know it doesn't
sound convincing.
I just-- I've never
been in love before,
and I didn't know how it felt,
and I've never said that.
Hey, are you free Friday?
Let's go ride the ducks
in the park-- pond.
[Violet]
Yeah, I'd like that.
[Matty] Okay.
I'll call you after work.
[Violet]
Okay. I love you.
[Matty]
I love you too.
[elevator rattling]
[gasps] Oh, thank goodness
you're real.
So I ordered a new--
a good yoga mat online,
and it didn't come in yet,
so I got this one at the store.
I hope it works
for whatever-- uh, for this.
Oh, I am so happy
you made it, brother.
Have some zero-sugar
kombucha tea out of
the communal crystal vase.
Oh, there's no cups.
Are we all drinking out of this
together, without wiping?
Is there a communal
wiping towel, by chance?
Um...
[mystical music]
-[bells chiming]
-[grunts]
Welcome, my ripe seedlings.
Today you're going to blossom
and be birthed at the soil
into a new world,
a world that will chew you up,
turn you upside down,
and spit you out.
Hmm.
Even if you've practiced
with us before,
this experience
will be a new version
of heaven meeting Hades
in a battle royal
to claim your soul,
a battle that will grab you by
your innards, twirl them around,
make a balloon animal,
pop that balloon animal,
and then make organic mulch
with your remains.
[breathes deeply]
Ah.
Let's begin the blossoming
with a deep breath in.
[all inhale deeply]
[woman] Then you're gonna
hold that breath.
Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
[grunting]
Take in a little more air,
a little bit more.
And sigh it out.
[all sighing]
Now we're gonna radiate
our intentions to Mother Earth
with a classic Kundalini breath
called the Breath of Fire.
If you know it, jump in.
But if you don't know it,
you're gonna take
rapid breaths, pushing your
diaphragm down, down, down,
then up, up, up, maybe to our
throat, throat, throat.
[all breathing rapidly]
[ethereal music]
[squirting]
[inhales deeply]
Ah.
Oh!
-[uplifting music]
-[birds chirping]
Oh! Oh!
[woman]
Now everyone strap in
for the Wim Hof breath.
Lay down
and take 30 deep breaths
in through the mouth
and get ready
your face smashed in
by Mother Earth's fist.
[breathing deeply]
Whoa! Oh!
Ooh! Ah!
[retching]
[dramatic music]
[neighing]
[laughing]
[upbeat music]
[gasps]
Oh.
[ethereal music]
-Wow.
-[woman] Now, everyone,
let's do some yoga poses.
[upbeat music]
[breathing heavily]
[dramatic music]
-What?
-[Prince Purpleton squeals]
[woman] Ah.
-[woman] Wowee.
-[gasping]
[sighs]
Thank you
for joining us tonight.
Please don't let
your scrambled guts
fall out of your mouth
onto the carpet
on your way out.
[sighs]
Namaste, my beautiful flowers.
Namaste.
No, wait, don't go.
Don't worry.
We're here twice a week.
Unless Mother Earth decides to
shoot us into the void of space
like I've foreseen.
Well, barring that, of course.
Or we could just
die of natural causes.
[both]
See everyone next week.
[sighs]
[grunting]
Dude, wow.
That was incredible.
We got back
to the unicorns just by
stretching and breathing.
Like, what? How many times
do I have to come back
before I can get my full horn?
Is it, like, once a week?
'Cause that's a big commitment.
I would rather do every other
week, but whatever it takes,
I'm gonna try.
Aw, looks like you got a little
poke-poke-poker already.
[chuckles] You just water
this little seed, brother.
Don't forget
the fertilizer, though.
It may be stinky,
but you need it to grow.
[Matty]
It's like I saw myself
in a place that I wanted to be
just from stretching
and breathing.
I didn't know that was
possible. Sethward, you have
to try this yoga class.
I think they gave me
a sweet pickle instead of dill.
-Ugh.
-Sethward, this is serious.
I think I'm growing a unicorn
horn or something, right?
Doesn't it look
a little bit like it?
After just one class.
Look.
It's getting there.
Mm.
Honestly, kind of sounds
like you just hyperventilated
and hallucinated.
Are you listening to me,
Sethward? Look, my horn
is coming in. It's--
Oh, it looks like
a cute little pimple to me.
-No, look.
-[pops]
Ah! Where'd it go?
Why'd it do that?
I don't know.
Maybe rub some dirt on it?
I mean, that's how I usually
get all my pimples back.
Or just keep
staying stressed out.
That should probably
get the job done.
You know what?
I have some on my back.
We could compare them
if you want.
I mean when I was a baby,
I had pimples.
I don't-- like, I haven't
had pimples in, like, years.
Oh, jeepers.
Oh.
Look, why don't you come
dumpster diving with me tonight?
It'll be super fun.
It'll get your mind
off of things.
The dumpster fumes
make me hallucinate
all kinds of fun stuff.
Brittany usually
comes with me,
but she has to work at
the funeral home late tonight
'cause the bodies to embalm
are all backed up
'cause she skipped work
yesterday to help me pry out
all the dead possum
between my laundry machine...
[continues indistinctly]
[panting, grunting]
[dramatic music]
Deep breath in
and hold it forever.
And forever is now.
Slowly release it.
-Ah.
-[gong crashes]
Now begin Breath of Fire.
[inhales deeply]
[tense music]
[groans]
[grunting]
[whooshing]
[grunts, screams]
[grunting]
Oh!
I did it!
I'm back!
Oh, thank goodness.
Now all I have to do
is save the world
very fast before class ends
and I get sent back.
[exciting music]
Oh!
Excuse me.
Have you seen Prince Purpleton?
Uh, he should be around here.
He's about this high.
Oh, yeah, sure.
I just saw him.
He's right over there.
Ah!
[laughs]
I'm never gonna lose you again.
I promise.
[laughs]
To the castle, buddy.
Let's go!
Come on, buddy.
Let's go. Take off.
We have to defeat
the evil horse quick.
It's evil, and it's
blocking my happiness,
and I-- I mean our happiness.
Oh, great.
Look who's here
to spoil the party.
You better not get
in our way, lady.
We're doing important
world-saving work here.
-[distant thudding]
-Wait.
Why does everything look
all glitchy and weird here?
[thuds]
[suspenseful music]
No.
There it is, the--
Okay, stay focused.
Let's go. Let's fight it, buddy.
Shoot me up and I'll punch it.
I'll punch it.
[squeaking]
Oh, no, what's going on?
No, I knew it.
That Peanut Butter lady's
bad news.
What are you doing?
Come on, stop it.
No, stop it.
Keep it together.
[screams]
Oh, I'm loving
the energy you're bringing
to these classes, new guy.
Any vocal releases
you need to make are wonderful.
Yes!
Everyone, yell out your demons.
[all screaming]
[Matty] Hi.
Great job with class.
Um, have you
seen Oak anywhere?
I can't find him.
I have something I really,
really have to ask him.
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.
I don't know who that is.
Hey, I hope it's okay
to say this to you, uh,
since I don't know you,
but I'm having a lot
of feelings right now,
and I don't know if I can--
what to do with them
or even if I can process them.
I-- honestly, I'm really scared.
But you already have begun
to process them.
I know that just because
you're telling me this.
I know that you're doing
hard work on yourself right now,
but it is gonna pay off,
and people around you
are beginning to see the light
shift inside of you.
I have. Don't stop.
It's hard, and it's gonna
keep getting harder,
but you cannot stop.
Keep on cultivating that light
until letting it shine
becomes as natural to you
as breathing.
Notice how things have shifted
in the light,
how it makes colors
seem more vivid,
the touch more sensitive,
the smells... more smelly.
There will arrive times when you
feel like nothing has changed.
Just breathe
and feel and trust.
Your body is constantly
talking to you,
and it always tells the truth.
I love you, and so does
the Earth and the trees.
But at all costs...
[speaking indistinctly]
[squelching]
[dramatic music]
[rain pattering]
[soft music]
[beeps]
[dramatic music]
[birds chirping]
[inhales sharply] Mm.
[groaning]
[blubbering]
[whooshing]
[whinnies]
Hey, buddy.
Hi.
What, you could talk
this whole time?
Yup.
Oh, that's cool.
So we can talk now.
Hey, I tried really hard
to find my way back to you.
Like, I tried really hard.
Like, I tried
really hard.
Like, I really tried so hard.
But everything I did
just somehow led me back
to the exact same place
I started.
And, like, sometimes
it seemed even further back
from where I started.
How could you find me,
you ding-dong?
You never lost me.
Yeah, I did.
You gave me this amazing chance
to love life.
Somehow I messed it up,
and I don't even know
how I did it.
I'm telling you, Matty,
you didn't.
And everything has changed.
Just relax.
Everything is beautiful.
[ethereal music]
[birds chirping]
Mm.
I'll find my way back to you,
Prince Purpleton.
I know you'll be there
waiting for me,
and we'll be able to prance
around Enhorning again
with all our new friends.
I even wish I could see
Peanut Butter Sparkle again.
[sniffling]
There's nothing I can do
but live and breathe,
just be okay with everything.
I don't know how to do that yet,
but I'm gonna keep trying.
Even if Enhorning
turns into a demonic world
of reds and dark purples,
I'll be there next to you,
even if it takes my whole life.
Oh.
Buddy!
-[whinnying]
-[laughing]
[retches]
[thunder rumbling]
[grunting]
[inhales sharply]
Everything
is absolutely perfect
and exactly
how it's meant to be.
[laughs]
[grunts]
Whoo!
Whoa!
[laughs]
Whoo!
[exciting music]
Yah! [laughs]
[grunting]
[laughter]
Oh, it's Prince Purpleton.
Oh, this is all his fault.
And it's that bony freak too.
I don't like him.
Unclean heathen!
No, Tarliul, my friend,
don't you see?
Prince Purpleton foresaw
our sins would lead to
a culling of our kin.
This is the end of days,
and he is our prophet.
Ah, either way, someone has
to pay for whatever caused this.
We must appease
the giant horse god.
Take this, freak boy!
Wow-- oh!
It's so beautiful here.
It's being destroyed,
you unclean heathen!
Yeah, but it's gonna be amazing
to rebuild, isn't it?
Stand back, everyone.
I'm taking off
to defeat the evil horse.
[panting,
muttering indistinctly]
The king and queen
are trapped in the castle.
I couldn't save them.
I was barely able
to escape myself.
Oh, no.
Mom, Dad!
It's okay, buddy.
I'll save them.
I'll save everyone.
Just stand back.
Sorry, dude, can you
stand back just a little bit?
I'm about to take off
and probably cause a crater,
and ground chunks
are gonna go everywhere.
And I don't want you to get hit.
-[phone chimes]
-Hold on a second, dude.
Looks like I just received
a voice message
from the Royal Highnesses.
Fantastic.
Wait. How do I--
how do I play this?
-Just click the button here.
-I tried to press the button.
I'm pressing the button.
It's not pressing.
No, wait, wait, wait.
You've got to close
your other tabs.
I've tried. I'm trying.
-You're making me nervous.
-No, click that one.
-Click the button.
-Ah, here, that's all
you had to say.
There we go. Got it.
Everyone, listen up
to the holy royal decree.
[Junipero]
Pantius, you worthless idiot.
Come back here and save us!
Oh, when I get my hands
on your tiny horn, I'll--
Oh, oh, oh,
okay, all righty.
Yup, yup, let's just
skip ahead a little.
Uh, when she gets angry,
she embellishes a bit.
My horn may be below average,
but far from tiny.
Ah, here we go.
[Uniturius] Hon, you're
a beautiful equine goddess,
but perhaps this isn't the best
time to insult the guards.
[Junipero] Fine, Pantius,
project the rest of this message
throughout the kingdom.
Ooo-kay.
How do I project all over
the town speakers again?
-Click that one. That one.
-[buttons beeping]
Okay, right.
[Junipero]
Noble residents
of the city of Glimmastag,
the sins and blasphemous
misdeeds of my son,
Prince Purpleton, hast brought
a great evil to this pure city.
His unrestricted use of magic
in our society
has given birth
to the apocalypse.
Death will come for all.
There is no hope.
There is no escape.
Blood will rain.
I'm sorry.
[all screaming]
Don't worry your beautiful
horns, everyone.
I'm here to save you.
I said don't worry!
-Be quiet, y'all!
-[screaming stops]
Thanks, buddy.
It's all good, unicorns.
Everything is perfect
and beautiful
just the way it is.
[somber music]
What is she doing here?
I'll deal with you later.
Traitor.
Let's go, Prince Purpleton!
Launch!
[playful music]
[grunting]
Hoo-hoo! [laughs]
Whoo-hoo!
-[screams]
-[neighs]
[exciting rock music]
[grunts]
Whoo!
[laughs]
[roars]
[grunting]
[screams]
Hmm? Um...
[roars]
[suspenseful music]
[groaning]
[Peanut Butter Sparkle]
Dad, stop!
[gasps]
If you stop, I'll--
[sighs]
I'll go with you.
[roars]
Yes, okay?
Yes.
Just give me one more night
with my friends.
[groaning]
[Peanut Butter Sparkle]
You're going to be okay, Matt.
Everything's going to be
all right, please.
[Violet]
Hi, it's Violet.
Leave a really impactful
and inspirational message
at the beep.
-[beeps]
-[Matty] Hey, Violet.
I haven't heard from you
in a few days,
so just wanted to check in.
Um, I know things
got a bit awkward
and confusing on the ducks.
But I had a great time.
Just happy things are back
to the way they were.
I think you're the best.
Love you.
[Violet]
Hi, it's Violet.
Leave a really impactful
and inspirational message
at the beep.
-[beeps]
-[Matty] Hey, Violet.
It's me again.
Sorry for four calls in a row.
I know that's a lot,
but I really want to talk
to you about some stuff.
Um, I guess
I can just say it now
and we can talk
about it later more,
but I went to yoga, like you had
always asked me to do,
and it's incredible.
I would love
to go with you sometime.
So, yeah,
just give me a call anytime.
And I love you. Bye.
[Violet]
Hi, it's Violet.
Leave a really impactful
and inspirational message
at the beep.
-[beeps]
-[Matty] Hey, Violet.
I know 17 calls
in a row is a lot.
I need-- I need to know
what's going on.
I can't sleep, and I, like,
can't even think straight.
I'm in a meeting at 3:30
for 30 minutes or so.
Call me any time other than
that and I'll pick up.
Please, Violet.
[sniffles]
Like, I need
to talk to you, okay? Bye.
Hey, it's Matty's phone.
And you've reached it.
Please leave me a message
'cause I love them.
-[beeps]
-[Violet] Hey, Matt.
You have to stop this.
Are you looking for some kind
of closure or something?
Here it is.
This is becoming
[echoing] way too much, dude.
We didn't even go out
for that long.
I think you're wonderful,
and I really enjoyed
our time together.
But the truth is,
you hurt me very, very badly.
We both know that you
breaking up with me
was not a spur-of-the-moment
decision,
and I can't go back
to before you told me that
the whole time
we were together,
it never felt right to you.
Everything we did
all feels like a lie now.
I'm happy you're doing well
and improving yourself,
but that is all you.
Don't put any of that on me.
[sighs] Matt, you are sweet
and selfish
and full of potential,
and I never want
to hear from you again.
Goodbye.
[dramatic music]
-[heavy breathing]
-[crickets chirping]
[light music]
[inhales sharply]
Mm.
Prince Purpleton
was the one who found me
when I escaped my dad.
He made me feel like
how I always dreamed I could be
rather than
who I was raised to be.
I didn't know that was possible
before I met him.
But I saw you
reach out to him.
[crunching, rustling]
[mysterious music]
I was always so terrified
of this body defining me.
I have no clue how I came
from him, but I am not his.
No matter how far I get away,
he's still here.
He raised me
with so much hatred.
Oh, maybe I should just accept
it and go back home
so he doesn't hurt anyone else.
All this destruction,
it's my fault.
Do you want to just
take a deep breath with me?
[both breathing deeply]
You are a sparkly,
colorful, magical,
very annoying elf fairy.
That's what you are.
[sighs] Mm.
My dad didn't come here
just for me.
He feeds off of repression.
If these unicorns keep
suppressing their gross magic,
he's only gonna
get more powerful.
I want to help you.
[dramatic music]
[snoring]
[birds chirping]
[suspenseful music]
[roars]
No way, dude.
She's staying with us.
-She is our family.
-[giggles]
You ready, buddy?
You know it.
Let's go.
[retches]
[whinnies]
[bright music]
[laughing]
Ah!
[retches]
[shouting]
Ah!
[whinnies]
What?
You three are here?
Oh, yeah, buddy, I guess.
I'm not really sure where here
is, but we made it.
I love you so much, buddy.
And I'm so glad you finally
made peace with the critters
-in your backyard.
-We did.
We really did.
We bonded over pickles.
Sethward, that's awesome.
You can do it.
You can defeat the mean horsey.
You got this, Matty. Whoo.
Oh, thanks, Nance.
I love you.
Love you, Matty.
Go get that big, mean horsey.
Oh, Mark, you're like
a diamond necklace
I never want to sell
or lose or anything.
We got you, buddy.
Whoo-hoo!
[roars]
[grunts]
[smooches]
Hmm.
[suspenseful music]
[liquid bubbling]
[dramatic music]
[shimmering tone]
[exciting music]
[roars]
[retches]
[uplifting music]
[roars]
Oh.
[retches]
[soft music]
[groaning]
[whinnies]
Ah!
[laughter]
Yeah!
[whinnies]
[Junipero]
Prince Purpleton,
what have you done
to my beautiful city?
You! You are the worst son
imaginable.
[Uniturius]
Sweetie, that's enough.
[gasps]
Honey snuggle love horn,
I need you to stop yelling
and look around.
[all groaning]
Can't you see,
my queenie-peenie?
Outlawing our true
gross magic and just
letting out the beautiful parts
doesn't work.
You can't expect all good
with no gross.
That's just not how magic
works for unicorns.
Well, that's how
it works for me.
I don't have a problem
keeping down the nastiness.
So no one else should.
Keeping your weird tucked away
has changed you.
I'll love you no matter what,
but that wild, young princess
I fell for has been hiding
for a long time.
She wasn't afraid of anything,
especially not a little bit
of rainbow goo.
Or even a lot of bit of rainbow
goo, for that matter.
But then she became queen
and started acting
like what she thought a queen
was supposed to act like.
How did we get here?
Look what we caused by being
so afraid of being ourselves.
These old traditions
are just getting in the way
of everyone's happiness
and probably causing
a lot of constipation.
You got to let
your freak flag fly, baby.
-[grunting]
-Everything will be okay.
[whinnying]
[dramatic music]
Oh, Mommy, just let it go.
It's fine.
[retching]
[laughs]
[neighs]
[laughing]
[retching]
[bright music]
Mommy, I love you!
-I love you! Ah!
-[laughs]
I'm so sorry, my loves.
Snap! She loves me.
I think she loves me.
-I think she really does.
-Mm.
[laughs] Oh, it's okay,
my furry love scone.
Ah! Ah!
We're gonna have so much fun!
[laughter]
-And, Pantius,
come here at once.
-Oh!
From this day forward, you will
be known as Sir Pantius,
-Knight of Butterflies.
-[gasps]
[stammers]
I-- I thank you, my queen.
Sir Pantius, one more thing.
Promise to make sure
that adorable unifoal
lets her freak flag fly!
[retches]
Yes, my queen.
[laughter]
Candy for everyone.
[laughs]
[soft music]
[soft piano music]
Hello.
Matt Kiel here.
I'm doing this "Show & Tell"
story tonight.
It's about saying good job,
you defeated the impossible
voices in your head.
[no audible dialog]
I made this,
uh, very short cartoon
'cause I got really
frustrated one day.
Good job, buddy.
[laughter]
Whoo!
[whistles and applause]
We're here at "Show & Tell
Show & Tell Spectacular."
We're watching all these crazy
videos with kooky characters.
These are my shoes.
These are my legs.
That's my torso.
And this is my face,
money maker.
We got live fires here.
That's right,
you saw it for yourself.
Well, you got it.
That's my legs. That's my--
[laughter]
So that's it.
I just hope for joy
and gratitude and generosity,
like, me to others.
[no audible dialogue]
Ooh!
Nothing matters
except this moment right here.
I love you.
Um, I'm at a breaking point.
I haven't had a lot of sleep.
Well, we talked Friday,
we texted,
but I haven't seen her
in almost two weeks.
And then before that,
it was two weeks and a day.
And then before that--
It's like I'm, like, sinking.
It's like I'm literally
in this, like,
big ocean of, like,
fear and love, and I'm like--
the water's fear
and the air is love
and I just, like,
dip my head under,
and I just can't breathe.
And then something,
like, kicks inside of me,
like this feeling
of realization
or this feeling of comfort
and love and awake-ness.
And I just dip my head back,
and I'm like, whoa.
And then I see all of it,
just everything I want.
And it's like this
emotional feeling of more joy
than anything I could feel.
And whatever happens
is gonna be the best thing
but, like, if I just let it.
I'm doing a show at 10:00,
and it's gonna be a doozy.
[birds calling]
[retches]
[]
[Matty] So I'm at a bit
of a breaking point.
I'm very tired.
I need to, like,
actually feel...
like I'm changing,
like I'm becoming
who I'm supposed to be.
[soft dramatic music]
[phone thumps]
[liquid pouring]
[tapping]
-[exciting music]
-[squealing]
[creaking]
[lamp crashes]
[fire alarm ringing]
[gasps]
[soft music]
[dryer humming]
[chimes]
[chimes]
[lock clicking]
[chimes]
[squishing]
[splatters]
[indistinct chatter]
[clears throat]
So there's another skunk
in my backyard.
But the good news is that
it hasn't sprayed yet.
But then, you know,
I'm kind of, like,
gonna just leave it
because it started
to eat all the dead cats.
And I know you're thinking,
that's crazy.
Well, do skunks
even eat dead cats?
Well, yeah,
I didn't know either,
and then we found this out.
And at this point,
I'm like, should I
get rid of the dead cats
by skunking them,
or is the skunk
gonna spray me
and then we have
dead cats and that skunk?
It's-- and then that's
not a good situation.
Did she-- did she text back?
Mm.
You-- nothing?
Yeah, I, um--
so I drew her a picture and I--
I wrote "I love you"
at the bottom.
Uh... and then I drove
over to her house
'cause I did it
in the middle of the night
and I wanted her to see it.
So I went over and I--
I left it at her door
near the flowerpot,
and I also said,
"Sorry for breaking up
with you impulsively.
I-- I kind of-- you know,
that was a mistake."
And then so I left it there.
I think her neighbors saw me,
I don't know,
so I kind of ran away.
I don't know if she saw it.
She didn't text me back
or anything, and--
should I--
should I text her again?
I already texted her
a few times today
to see if she read the letter.
Maybe I--
should I go back
and check
that the letter's there?
Or should I--
I don't-- what do--
what do you think?
Um...
a little creepy.
I wouldn't be
texting her anymore.
Maybe just kind of let that,
you know, settle.
But love is creepy, man.
You love her, then, yeah?
[muffled] I think I do.
-What?
-[muffled] I said
I think I do love her.
Oh. So that's a maybe?
Hmm.
Thank you so much.
-[phone buzzes]
-[gasps]
Sorry. That's mine.
-[sighs]
-[phone buzzes]
Okay, so little update
on the situation.
Brittany just said
that the skunk did run off
but that it squirted
on its way out.
But-- but the smell scared off
all the stray cats
that were living
underneath the house
and-- which is a super
big plus for me.
I'm gonna take that as a win.
-[laughs]
-[phone chimes]
Oh, but-- but-- but...
it left a dead half-eaten cat
underneath the house,
which is not ideal.
Oh, you know what?
I'll just let the raccoons
finish it off
because the raccoons get under
the house all the time.
Man, this is-- the world
has a funny way
of working itself out,
you know what I mean?
Don't worry, baby.
The raccoons will eat
the dead cat.
Love you,
my sweet, beautiful angel.
Sorry if the raccoons drag
any more cat guts on the porch.
I know you hate
when that happens.
You are the light in my life.
Love, dead cat guts.
I mean love Sethward.
Man, I don't know
how I-- I keep confusing
dead cat guts with myself.
[sniffles]
You and Brittany
are so freaking cute together.
I guess.
Honestly, she smells
kind of like pickles.
But you love pickles.
Yeah, but not every day.
I just wish I had a--
a pickle.
I'm just a--
I'm just a dumb burrito,
empty inside.
I just don't think
anyone could love me.
I don't--
Are you kidding me?
I love burritos.
They're, like,
one of my favorite-est food
that I've ever eaten.
[crying]
Okay, you're gonna come out
to my show tonight
and screen one of your
weird cartoons, yeah?
Mm.
Come on,
it's your favorite thing.
All your friends
are gonna be there.
Sethward, I'm gonna
tell you something,
and I don't think
you're gonna believe it,
but I need you to
because you're my friend.
Yeah. What's up, buddy?
This morning, I s--
I saw a uni--
[groans]
Are you okay, Matty?
Do you-- do you
believe in uni--
[groaning]
What's-- what's going on?
[groaning]
Are you feeling okay, Matty?
All right, I'll be here.
Um...
-[lights buzzing]
-[footsteps stomping]
[retching]
[groaning]
[mystical music]
[gasps]
[laughs]
[exciting music]
[Sethward] Hey, um,
you okay in there, Matty?
[chuckles nervously]
Matty?
All right, I'm not getting
any response from you, buddy,
so, uh, I'm gonna have
to bust down this door.
Step back.
3, 2, 1, yah!
[groans]
Okay, that didn't work
because I didn't give it
my 110%.
I'm gonna take
a running start this time.
[footsteps stomping]
-[door crashes]
-Ow!
I'm gonna use my head
on this one.
Stand back.
-[door crashes]
-Ow, my head!
Ow!
Oh, sorry, Matt.
I guess I'm not strong enough.
Doesn't anyone in here
have a key to the bathroom,
for goodness sakes?
This is an emergency,
code red!
My friend Matt
is very saddened right now,
and he might not have fallen
in the toilet and can't get out.
Oh, I'm gonna get in there
if it's the last stinking
thing I do.
It's all in the legs.
And maybe a little
in the mustache.
3, 2, 1.
-[door crashes]
-Oh-ho-ho!
Matt, please don't be dead,
'cause then it would be my fault
'cause I'm too weak
to open this door!
I'm so sorry!
Matt!
[screaming]
Whoa!
[gasping]
What-- whoa!
[screams, grunts]
[creature] Ah.
[light music]
Yeah.
Hi.
Whoa.
Hi.
Uh...
I said hi.
Why didn't you answer me?
[crying]
Oh, sorry. Hi.
Hi.
Ah. Hi.
Oh. Hello.
What's up?
Yo.
What, you don't
want in on this?
In on what?
Oh, no, thanks.
I'm good.
Have a good day.
[both] Okay.
Let us know
if you change your mind.
Bye.
Yeah.
-Hello.
-Hey. Yeah.
-Hi.
-Yeah.
-Hey, yeah.
-Hi.
-Yeah.
-Hi.
Hi.
All right.
What is--
is this real?
What-- [thuds]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I knock you over?
You.
Where am I?
What's going on?
[creatures muttering]
Mm.
Hey, stop.
Where are you going?
[panting]
[playful music]
[creatures continue muttering]
You can't just grab people
out of bathrooms.
Hmm, wait,
I was just in the bathroom.
This can't be real.
Did I trip and hit my head
on the sink?
Then I'm probably
on the gross bathroom floor
-bleeding out of my skull.
-[chuffs]
I know your life's supposed
to flash before your eyes
before you die, but I've never
been anywhere like this.
This is wonderful.
The best scenario would be
I'm in a fugue state
and my mind's here and my body's
in the-- in the coffee shop.
Oh, I hope I don't
say something
embarrassing to Sethward.
Oh, gosh,
what if Violet calls me
while I'm in my fugue state
and I say something weird?
I prepared stuff.
Oh, goodness.
[dramatic music]
W-- uh, how--
what are you doing?
How'd you get there?
Mm.
[suspenseful music]
[neighs]
[screaming]
-[exciting music]
-[screaming]
Oof. [groans]
[retches]
[gasps] Oh.
[dramatic music]
[light music]
So I know you're probably
just a hallucination
from blood loss
to my brain tissues...
but do you have a name?
Maybe he just
doesn't understand.
[neighing] Name?
What's your...
name?
[retches]
Ugh.
How could something
so beautiful be so disgusting?
-Ugh.
-[retches]
Ugh! Oh!
I think I swallowed,
like, a ton of that stuff.
[groaning]
Hmm?
Oh.
There's just a bunch
of giant holes here?
Uh, okay.
[gate rattling]
[ethereal music]
[upbeat music]
Ooh!
[grunting]
[whinnies]
[mechanical whirring]
Welcome, noble visitor,
to my city of Glimmastag,
capital of
the Unicornian Dynasty,
the oldest unicorn regime
in all of the land of Enhorning.
Wow.
She's so elegant and beautiful.
-[electricity crackling]
-[parts rattling]
As the Uniangels'
chosen people
and bestowed
with their purest grace,
our perfect symmetry
with the land of Enhorning's
enchanted magnetic core
allows us to harness our divine
magical gifts perfectly.
Ah!
I have no clue
what she's talking about.
Infallible adherence
to this wonderful societal order
is what makes us
Unicornians continue to garner
happiness and thrive
now and for centuries to come.
This is so cool.
Enjoy your stay
in our oasis of purity.
Oh, and please ignore any giant
hoofprints, ominous mist,
or scourged earth
surrounding our city.
We promise, there is no danger.
And don't forget to wipe
your hooves on the way in.
[laughs]
Wait, those are giant
hoofprint outside the gate?
Oh.
Well, I guess I trust this queen
knows what's going on
'cause she's the queen.
So everything's A-okay, right?
Yeah, Matty, everything's safe.
You're good.
Am I overstepping?
I don't--
A world where everyone
can do magic.
It's so perfect.
-Hi.
-[retches]
-Oh.
-I'm so sorry about that.
Hey, are you sure
I didn't need to, like,
check in at customs
or anything when we got here?
Everybody's looking at me
all, like, snootily.
Mm, I think you missed
a little bit of that stuff.
So if we get the opportunity,
maybe wipe your feet again.
Ah, and why don't you wipe
yourself away from our city,
unclean heathens!
[retches]
[whinnies]
Disgusting.
Sorry, everyone.
Get rid of it.
Mm.
Ugh.
Unclean heathens.
Oh, I'm so disappointed.
So do you want to keep going
this direction?
Are we headed
through this gate?
Is there a destination
we're going to,
or are we just
kind of wandering?
[retches]
Going through here?
Okay.
Uh, hold on.
Let me just--
[buzzer blares]
-[man] What?
-Hi there. Uh--
Prince Purpleton,
how many times have--
you know the rules.
You aren't supposed to use
the buzzer if you have a key.
Prince Purpleton?
Wait, is that you?
Are you-- are you a prince?
[gasps] Ooh!
[buzzer blares]
Oh, hello.
You were just on the other
side of the gate
the whole time, huh?
Prince, you know I'm not
supposed to let anyone up
when she's taking
her daily uninap.
[light music]
Okay, fine.
I could never say no
to that smile.
Just please, please, please,
be quiet.
And wipe your feet.
So are you going to lead us
to our destination,
or are we just wandering?
No. I'm not a theme park
tour guide.
I'm a royal guard who's putting
his job on the line
by simply letting you
go up to the castle.
Okay.
Sorry, Sir Unicorn.
I didn't know.
[laughs] Sir.
Sir is a title
reserved for a knight.
I'm a mere guard,
Guard Pantius.
Cool.
Do you want to be
a knight one day?
Ha!
Do I want to be a knight?
Of course.
It's every guard's dream.
But the way I bend the rules
for Prince Purpleton,
I'm lucky I still have
the horn on my head.
This is the last time, buddy.
[both whinnying]
[stomach gurgles]
No, not now.
Stay in there.
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
No.
Okay.
We're gonna go
up these stairs now.
But it was great
getting to know you.
Uh, keep it real, dude.
I'll see you around.
[gulps, sighs]
What's a dude?
[retches]
[laughter]
[gasps] Oh, no, no.
-No, not now. You cannot--
-You can't catch us.
Your legs
aren't muscly enough.
Maybe you should have
tried harder in guard school.
Hey, I need candy.
Where's the candy?
You guys!
[ethereal music]
[regal music]
Wow. There she is.
She's even more elegant
in person.
Oh, that's right.
These would be your parents
then if you're a prince.
-[whinnies]
-Shh.
Oh, goodness,
it's wonderful to see you, son.
But please wipe your feet.
This is Mommy's nap time,
and if she wakes up to a mess,
it's going to be--
well, you know.
Oh, I missed you
so much, buddy.
You're the point on my horn
and the pupil of my pupil.
Let's just clean up
the puke tracks
and try to be quiet
until nap time is over.
-Sound good?
-Oh, sorry, Your Highness.
We'll keep it down.
I'm just so excited.
[groans]
Do as the king commands!
Shh! General, did you
miss everything I just said
literally a second ago?
Come on, man.
[light music]
[sighs, clears throat]
Sorry, boys,
it's just not the best time.
Maybe come back in...
42 minutes.
I'd really love to meet
your new friend then.
We can sit down
with some soup and salad
and unlimited breadsticks
and really get to know
each other.
And I'm so glad you're
making friends, son,
but right now,
let's just practice
some safe, wholesome
conflict avoidance.
[retches]
[snorting]
[gasps] What?
What the? [neighs]
Is this uncleanliness
that doth enter my castle?
It's okay, sweetie,
they literally just walked in,
and I told Prince Purpleton
to wipe his feet.
Last time
he entered the castle,
half the guards' magic became
grossly unrestrained.
-He's our
beautiful baby boy, hon.
-It is unacceptable!
-You know I love you with
the fire of a thousand stars...
-Dang.
-Are you sure
these are your parents, dude?
-[arguing continues]
You definitely didn't get
their speaking genes, I guess.
[whinnies]
[clears throat]
Excuse me,
Your Royal Highnesses
of the Unicornian Dynasty.
First-- first like to say
your castle has lovely...
articulating barrel vaults?
-Thank you very much, my boy.
-Articulating barrel vaults?
It's a nice compliment,
sweetie.
You did put a lot of work
into the recent roof remodel.
He didn't mean to offend you.
He's just trying to relate
to new people.
[Junipero]
Probably just took one term
of art history in college
and said the first thing
that came to his mind.
He's not from our dimension.
Just look at his unkempt hair
and unwashed sweater.
-Honey.
-Uh...
Barely understand
either of you,
since you're just talking
over each other a lot.
Matthew, our son
is a conspiracy theorist.
He has an illness
you've probably never had
the misfortune of encountering
where you come from.
It's called imagination.
Yeah, we have imagination
where I come from too.
Also, how did you know my name?
Prince Purpleton
says these things,
crazy, reckless things
that just aren't spoken.
They go against
over 5,000 years of literature
in the Unicornian lineage.
Honey horn, you are the oxygen
that flows through my blood
and the polish
that makes my coat shine.
But I feel like as long
as he isn't hurting anyone,
-he should carve his own path.
-[prince nickers]
Yeah, not if he
is literally carving
a path through our kingdom!
I've had it up to my horn
with our son's cornswabblery.
Did he show you one of those
giant fake hoofprints
he carved up
to try and scare people
into believing
his delusions, huh?
He claims a large horse
is gonna attack our city.
[laughs]
Like anything could
breach my walls.
They're made
of crystallized diamond quartz
harvested by
the Uniangels themselves.
Large horse, huh?
But you-- but you said
in your beautiful and
well-spoken presentation
that there's nothing
to worry about, right?
Sweetie, digging giant,
gaping holes is just a phase.
I dug giant, gaping holes.
My father dug
giant, gaping holes.
His father dug holes so big,
you wouldn't believe it.
It's no big deal.
And yes, he might have a tiny
issue with his imagination,
but we can help with that.
Why don't we all sit down for
some pea soup, a garden salad,
unlimited
whole wheat breadsticks,
and talk this thing out
like the civilized
royal unicorns that we are.
I could go for some breadsticks
right now.
Enough with the breadsticks,
Uniturius!
Oh, maybe-- oh, I see.
You don't remember him as a baby
spitting up
those disgusting rainbows
that stained the royal garments!
[Uniturius]
For some unicorns,
like our son,
it's harder to repress
their sometimes disgusting
true magical impulses.
Some-- some unicorns?
Who else?
Show me one other unicorn
that has trouble repressing
their innate
and offensive magic
and channeling
the will of the Uniangels.
Do you want people
to completely lose their minds
and sanity?
[retches]
[upbeat music]
I'm a million degrees hot,
and I'll burn everyone...
with love!
Yeah! [giggles]
You see?
Proof that Prince Purpleton
is a bad influence
and makes people's magic
go dangerously unhinged.
Maybe I should step outside
and let you guys talk for a bit.
Yes, Matthew,
you should definitely go.
My boy, it was so wonderful
to meet you.
And you should come back
one day way in the future.
Like, way, way in the future.
[groaning]
Besides,
I think you're expecting
a call from Violet.
Oh, right.
Wait, how did you know that too?
Hey, I've seen
a lot of things today
I didn't think I'd ever see
and felt a lot of things that
I didn't think I could feel.
So I think if we all take
a deep breath and say our piece,
we can figure out
what's going on here.
-[groaning]
-[grunting]
[groaning] Begone!
-Get out, out, out!
-Oh.
-I cast you out!
-This is kind of cool, actually.
[dramatic music]
[groans]
Whoo.
Wow, that was intense,
for sure.
[somber music]
Oh, hey, buddy, are you okay?
Look, I know things
can be rough.
That was pretty tough.
I'm actually going through
something myself right now
that is, you know, taking a lot
out of me, so I understand.
Whoa!
-[uplifting music]
-Whoa!
[grunting]
Whoa!
[grunts]
[dramatic music]
[suspenseful music]
[distant animal noises]
Hey, uh, just want to check in.
Is it totally safe
that we're walking
around this dark forest
if there's, like, a giant horse
stomping around on the loose?
[whinnies]
Okay. Yeah, I trust you.
I just... don't want to die.
Whoa! [grunts]
Uh, hey, do you want me
to follow you or--
if you're just grabbing
something, I can just wait.
Uh, kind of don't want
to be out here alone.
There's gonna be a giant horse
that could step on me
at any moment,
but should I--
[roars]
All right, I'm coming in.
Just step back, I guess.
[muffled] Help.
Yeah.
[ethereal music]
[whooshing]
[grunts]
[groans]
-Hey.
-Ah.
Whoa.
[grand music]
Oh.
[yelps]
Oh.
-Ah.
-Ooh.
[Matty] Wow.
It looks just like me.
-Ah!
-Hmm?
You. [laughs]
[groans]
Uh, what is this thing?
[laughs]
[upbeat music]
[laughs]
[shrieks]
[laughs]
[giggles]
Hi.
It's Peanut Butter Sparkle.
Oh.
Do you know this person?
[bright music]
Uh, okay.
Wait, is that your name,
or...
are you, like,
offering me a dessert?
Yes, I'm...
Peanut Butter--
Okay, I get it,
you're Peanut Butter--
Peanut Butter Sparkle.
[whooping]
I'm Peanut Butter Sparkle.
Cool.
So does she have
to hang out with us?
She's not gonna leave?
Cool.
[dramatic music]
[snoring]
[piano playing]
Buddy, I just really want
to say thank you for today.
And I do realize I'm probably
still in the bathroom,
bleeding profusely.
And Sethward can't get to me
to resuscitate me.
But I've accepted
I can't do anything about that.
I really-- this is where I would
want to be if I were in a coma.
This is wonderful.
Thank you.
[suspenseful music]
[Matty]
I guess I'm trying to say
I have this picture
of what I think a relationship
is supposed to be,
and this just doesn't
feel like that.
Does that make sense?
[Violet]
I don't know what you mean.
I thought you were happy.
[Matty]
I am happy.
This has been
the best time of my life.
It's just, I feel
like I have to do this.
[Violet] Sorry.
This is very confusing.
Are you breaking up with me
or trying to tell me
I need to change to be with you?
[Matty] Yeah.
No, of course not.
I'm just trying to say
I pictured my first relationship
to be different
than what this was.
[Violet]
Like, with a different person?
[Matty] Um, uh, not, like,
a specific person,
just, like,
a feeling of a person.
[Violet] Do you know
how messed up that is?
And what feeling?
You hardly ever shared
what you were feeling with me,
and I begged you to.
[Matty] It just feels like
a lie to keep going
if it doesn't feel
exactly right. I'm sorry.
And I just don't want
to hurt you later 'cause
I care about you so much.
[Violet]
You don't want to hurt me?
You come to my house
and dump me out of nowhere
because I'm not fitting into
some figment of your
imagination?
What?
[sighs]
[Matty]
I'm really sorry, Violet.
I'm just trying
to do the right thing.
Are you okay?
-[Violet] Please leave.
-[Matty] I don't want you
to be sad.
[Violet]
Please just leave. [echoing]
[screams]
Huh? Hmm?
[screams]
Whoa! Whoa, whoa!
Ah! [grunts]
Hmm?
It's so beautiful.
-But why did you--
-[giggles]
But why did you bring me here?
[laughs]
The little baby
can't just experience
the beautiful trip.
He has to obsessively try
to understand
-and brace himself
for every facet.
-[groans]
Every facet.
[snorts, giggles]
[inhales deeply]
Hmm.
I want to stay here forever.
I just want to stay
with these crickets...
and the squirrels...
and the fish bug things.
And I don't want to go back.
[rumbling]
Hmm? Uh...
[crashing]
[roars]
[gasps] Oh.
Oh, no.
The evil horse is real.
We have to do something.
We have to tell someone!
Is there anyone who can,
like, turn him into marshmallows
or gu-- gumdrops?
Like, what do we do?
Yeah, you're talking
about the Candy Wizard.
He could have helped
if the queen
hadn't already gotten to him
and made him a knight.
He goes by Candius Wizorius
of the Unicornian Dynasty now.
-[Matty] What? No, no!
-So it's a lost cause.
-He wouldn't even
help you anyway.
-No, no, no, no.
[dark music]
[grunts]
[upbeat music]
Go, Prince Purpleton.
Take off over that rainbow
and go back to the castle
so we can tell--
we can report this.
Go.
Faster. Come on.
Let's go.
When I don't want you
to go fast, you go fast,
but now you don't.
Mm.
[roars]
I'll see you later.
[adventurous music]
[indistinct yelling]
Hey, get back--
[retches]
[panting]
[plate shatters]
Shh! Oh, son, I am so happy
that you're back so soon.
But also,
this is the worst timing.
And, Matt,
so good to see you again,
although I really wish
we could have maybe put
something on the books
so we could have
properly planned around
the queen's nap time.
Let's just clean up
the puke tracks
and try to be quiet
until nap time is over.
Sound good?
[groaning]
[grunting]
What have you done
to my sacred palace?
My marvelous mare,
it seemed like it might have
been an accident.
Right, Matthew, total accident?
Shut up.
And where the neigh
are the guards?
-[upbeat music]
-[laughter]
[panting]
I'm sorry, Your Majesties.
I--I--I tried to stop them.
They overpowered me.
The hairless one with the hair,
he forced my magic to escape.
I--I can normally
keep them inside,
keep 'em inside my belly.
I swear this will never
happen again.
You're fired!
Hey, no sweat.
You can work for us.
Whoa, light bulb moment.
We need someone
to feed us candy constantly.
Okay, but, like,
here's the thing.
Like, if you don't do
what we ask you to do,
we will fire you too.
So just be warned.
And-- and I-- and I am so sick
of everybody thinking
that-- that we won't fire them,
because we will.
You need to stop
eating garlic.
You smell.
It's hard to live in there.
-Think about
others for a change.
-Am I really fired?
No, no.
See you for poker Thursday?
[chuckles] Whew.
Thanks, Uniturius.
[laughs]
Back inside.
I need to feed my family.
Now, what does my son
and his band of miscreants want,
other than to ruin my kingdom?
Shush!
Listen to me.
The evil horse is real.
I saw it.
It's out there.
We have to put aside
our differences
and come up with a plan here,
or else our beautiful town's
gonna be destroyed.
Let me say I am very happy
to see your appreciation
for our kingdom.
-It's just refreshing
for an outsider to take such a--
-[stammering]
-Silence!
-Yes, dear.
Look, I don't mean
to be rude, ma'am,
but as the queen,
it's your responsibility
to put aside any self-interest
you might have and do something
to protect your people.
I do not believe you.
[rumbling]
[gasping] Whoa!
[suspenseful music]
[roars]
No, it's happening.
You see?
You dummies,
it was beautiful here.
Now we got to stop it. Hurry.
What do we do?
Come on, buddy.
What do we do?
[screams]
[Sethward] Okay, Matt,
here's a little update
on this side of the wall,
in case you're lucid
and just can't move
or something
in some sort of terrifying
paralysis situation.
The manager called
the door manufacturer,
and the door lock comes from
some company in Japan that--
called Roku Unlimited Security,
and it's tested
over 5,000 pounds.
[man] Hey, bud.
This is the cashier speaking.
I'm not very strong,
but I am good at making coffee.
Just wanted to let you know
that if you make it--
that when you make it out,
any coffee you want
is on the house.
Now, that also includes
any natural creamer.
I'm talking oat, almond, hemp.
[Sethward]
The other coffee patrons
and I have built
a makeshift battering ram
out of the tables.
We made the best-looking
battering ram
you ever gosh darn
put your lazy eyes on.
We're gonna just charge our way
through this door, Matty.
Don't worry.
Keep the faith.
Don't look into the light.
Just pretend
that I'm there with you.
I want you to know,
from the outside,
we're thought-ing
and we're prayer-ing you
so hard right now.
-[whoosh]
-Matt, is that you?
I heard something.
Are you awake?
Okay, buddy, whatever you do,
don't swallow your tongue.
I heard that's the worst thing
that you could do,
and the paramedics
will not be able to revive you
-if you swallow
your tongue and die.
-Why am I back here?
All right, everyone, let's give
this everything we got.
-Three, two, one.
-No!
-Whoa!
-Whoa!
-Whoa!
-[groans]
Thank goodness
you're okay, Matt.
Oh, I'm seeing
some black spots.
[groaning]
[panting]
Where'd it go? [gasping]
[panting]
Whoa. Oh, okay.
Oh, Matty,
thank jeez Louise, you're okay.
I thought that I'd never
see you again.
[croaks]
Look, come to my show
tonight, buddy.
I know that it'll
make you feel better.
And you seem like you need
a little cheering up.
But first, since I don't have
health insurance,
I need you to shine
a tiny flashlight into my eyes
and let me know if you think
that I might have a concussion.
[chuckles]
[water dripping]
[bugs chittering]
[phone chimes]
[plane engine roaring]
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, everybody.
-Welcome to "Show & Tell"...
-[man] Whoo!
The show where we all
get together once a month
and screen comedy videos
and have a ding-dang
good old time.
[laughs]
Oh, boy, you goofballs.
I love every single
one of you so much.
Thank you all
for coming out and supporting
independent comedy.
-Whoo!
-This is one of my most
favorite things
to do every single month.
You guys know how it is.
Living in Los Angeles
can be pretty unbelievably hard
and isolating at times.
Like, you can feel like
nobody cares about you at all,
and all you have is $100
in your bank account
and a broken car that costs
even $2,000 to fix.
So you can't even
go to an audition
and get a gig to be able
to pay for your broken car...
-Huh?
-Or your very sad
and lonely bank account
-that has zero
hundred dollars in it.
-[sighs]
And anyway... [chuckles]
If everyone could please
donate to our show,
it would be super-duper
greatly appreciated.
We have a fine from the city
of Los Angeles
for having a public screening
in the backyard,
which is not
an illegal thing to do.
But you know what?
We got to pay it, so if you
guys could please help--
[man] Shut up!
It's 9:00 p.m.!
Sorry, sir!
We'll keep it down!
Please don't call the police.
[chuckles]
Anyway, our first shower,
a regular and my best buddy
old pal, Matty.
-[applause]
-Love you, Matty.
[laughs]
Thanks, Mark.
Here's a cartoon I made
about my current feelings
on love.
Don't know why I made it.
Kind of grosses me out,
to be perfectly honest.
But...
[car horn honks]
[soft music]
-[blows raspberry]
-[heart beating]
[upbeat music]
[shimmering tone]
-Great job, buddy.
-[Sethward] Next up is--
oh, boy, okay,
here's a little video
that I made about
my deep emotional feelings
on climate change.
[soft music]
[no audible dialogue]
-[laughter]
-Hey!
I said shut up or else,
you fancy mustached freak.
Don't make me come down there.
I'm sorry, sir!
We will keep it down!
-We're almost done.
-[Matty] Hey, sir.
Why don't you take
that thorn in your side,
stick it in your ears,
and then go to sleep
and just let us have fun?
We're just trying to live
our bliss here.
Oh, no, Matty,
it's okay. It's okay.
Sir, I'm sorry.
It is late,
and we are being loud.
Shut up, Sethward.
I've got this.
Oh, kitten's got claws.
-Look out.
-Sorry about that, sir.
Hey, like Sethward said,
we're almost done with the show.
You have a wonderful night,
okay?
[man]
Oh, shut up, Mark.
What are you always
so happy for anyway?
Hey, don't you talk
to Mark like that.
Can't help that he's
a little delicate flower
who can only see the good
in the world, unlike you.
-Thanks, Matty.
-[both] Shut up, Mark.
-Sorry, I love you, Mark.
-My cat needs her beauty sleep.
She has her first
pageant tomorrow.
I'm calling the cops.
Uh, I guess
we're done, everyone.
-[grunting]
-Please feel free to hang out,
have some snacks,
talk to your friend.
Uh, but try to keep
your voices down.
[Mark] Matty, man, sorry
to hear you're going through
all that stuff with Violet.
That's really tough.
We know how you felt about her.
But you have us,
and we love you, man.
-We got your back.
-Oh, yeah.
Breakups are weird
from the inside.
Jeez.
And those games, I hate them.
I hate them so much.
I hate them, Matty.
Thank you for saying that.
I'm just confused,
and I don't know what--
how to fix anything.
Or do I need to fix it?
I don't know.
Sorry to ruin your party.
It's gonna be okay, Matty.
I feel like it's best
when you break up to just--
when you look around
at where you are,
you start to see
that it's even better
than where you were before.
Obviously, that wasn't working.
Better things
are gonna come to you now.
It's gonna be okay, Matty.
-We're here for you.
We love you.
-Huh?
[dramatic music]
Huh?
[soaring music]
[gasps]
I'll catch up
with you guys later.
Where did you get that?
Oh, you mean this organic
cacao and goji berry
dehydrated nut bar?
Well, I cultivated
the baby almonds from
my friend's zero-waste farm.
No, no, no, no, that thing.
Oh, this? Huh.
[chuckles]
I guess I've always had it.
I can't remember.
Do you know how to get back
to Enhorning,
the realm
of the Unicornian Dynasty?
It's in terrible danger.
This Saturday,
come to the Shiny Sanctuary
of Reflectivity, Infinite
Harmony & Crystal Shop
on Melrose and Hillhurst.
-[gasps]
-Bring a yoga mat.
Bye-bye.
What?
[meows]
[groaning]
Oh! [growls]
Brittany,
can you get the cat-unsticking
stick out of the garage?
The stupid stray cat got stuck
in the popcorn machine again.
Now the popcorn's
gonna be buttered with fleas.
-[groans]
-Hey, Matty.
Oh, man,
I'm so glad that you came.
-How you doing, man?
-Sethward, do you know
a guy with a horn?
-Did you invite him?
-Oh, um, no, I don't think so.
But you could check with Alyssa.
She might have.
Okay, glad you're having
a good time, buddy.
I hope I'm helping you
through your mental crisis.
Kind of confused at your
emotional state right now.
This kind of, like, emotional
help is not my strong suite.
Oh, great. Now the skunk
is in the punch bowl.
Brittany, can you
get the skunk gloves
while you're in the garage?
-[animals growling]
-They're next to
the raccoon rake,
underneath the possum pincher.
Okay, there's a girl here.
I invited her, obviously,
and she has a tattoo
of Ariana Grande,
and-- sorry, okay, her tattoo
is Ariana Grande eating nachos.
Are you talking about that girl?
I invited her.
-No.
-Oh, my gosh, it's so funny,
actually, how I know her.
We were at the grocery store,
and I was like, "Hi."
And she was like, "Hi."
And I'm like, "Your voice
is kind of deep."
And she was like,
"Your voice is kind of high."
And I was like, "I know."
No, sorry.
-[gasps]
-Oh!
Unless you mean
the guy with a gauged nose
and a tattooed eyeball.
-No.
-I guess he could have
gotten a horn.
Nah, that's not me, man.
But I do know
who you're talking about.
That's my friend Juice.
Sorry, man.
Mine's actually an implant.
But if you want one,
I got a guy.
You got to know
something, though.
It is painful.
-It hurts.
-Mm.
The whole process is painful.
A lot of cleaning.
When you sleep, you roll on it.
But if it's what you want
and it's gonna make you happy,
I say go for it.
So no luck, huh?
Look, I know that things
can get hard sometimes
and it feels like
you don't have any--
um, I guess
what I'm trying to say
is that you got to kind of
keep your head down
and you got to move.
But don't keep your head
too down because--
put your chin up,
you know what I mean?
And I took this one
psychology class in college
that taught you that you can't--
uh, this is not helping.
What I'm really trying
to say is-- whoa.
[screaming]
Whoa, my hair is on fire!
[car horn honking]
[Matty] Oh, also, I listened
to that band you told me about.
I really liked them.
It reminded me
of that time I held your hand
for the first time.
[Violet] Nice.
Hey, Matt, I-- never mind.
[Matty] Oh, okay.
Hey, I wanted to say
breaking up with you
was a spur-of-the-moment
mistake.
I don't know
what I was thinking.
Do you forgive me?
[Violet]
For breaking up with me?
Uh, yeah, sure,
I forgive you, I guess.
[Matty] Oh, that's--
I can't tell you how big
of a relief that is.
That was a silly mistake,
and I didn't think it through,
breaking up with you.
and I'm so glad that
you forgive me.
-So--
-[Violet] You know,
I love you, Matt.
I didn't want to be
the first one to say that
because I didn't know
if you felt the same.
And then when you
broke up with me--
[Matty]
Oh, I love you too.
-[Violet] All right.
-[Matt chuckles] I do.
I know it doesn't
sound convincing.
I just-- I've never
been in love before,
and I didn't know how it felt,
and I've never said that.
Hey, are you free Friday?
Let's go ride the ducks
in the park-- pond.
[Violet]
Yeah, I'd like that.
[Matty] Okay.
I'll call you after work.
[Violet]
Okay. I love you.
[Matty]
I love you too.
[elevator rattling]
[gasps] Oh, thank goodness
you're real.
So I ordered a new--
a good yoga mat online,
and it didn't come in yet,
so I got this one at the store.
I hope it works
for whatever-- uh, for this.
Oh, I am so happy
you made it, brother.
Have some zero-sugar
kombucha tea out of
the communal crystal vase.
Oh, there's no cups.
Are we all drinking out of this
together, without wiping?
Is there a communal
wiping towel, by chance?
Um...
[mystical music]
-[bells chiming]
-[grunts]
Welcome, my ripe seedlings.
Today you're going to blossom
and be birthed at the soil
into a new world,
a world that will chew you up,
turn you upside down,
and spit you out.
Hmm.
Even if you've practiced
with us before,
this experience
will be a new version
of heaven meeting Hades
in a battle royal
to claim your soul,
a battle that will grab you by
your innards, twirl them around,
make a balloon animal,
pop that balloon animal,
and then make organic mulch
with your remains.
[breathes deeply]
Ah.
Let's begin the blossoming
with a deep breath in.
[all inhale deeply]
[woman] Then you're gonna
hold that breath.
Hold it. Hold it. Hold it.
[grunting]
Take in a little more air,
a little bit more.
And sigh it out.
[all sighing]
Now we're gonna radiate
our intentions to Mother Earth
with a classic Kundalini breath
called the Breath of Fire.
If you know it, jump in.
But if you don't know it,
you're gonna take
rapid breaths, pushing your
diaphragm down, down, down,
then up, up, up, maybe to our
throat, throat, throat.
[all breathing rapidly]
[ethereal music]
[squirting]
[inhales deeply]
Ah.
Oh!
-[uplifting music]
-[birds chirping]
Oh! Oh!
[woman]
Now everyone strap in
for the Wim Hof breath.
Lay down
and take 30 deep breaths
in through the mouth
and get ready
your face smashed in
by Mother Earth's fist.
[breathing deeply]
Whoa! Oh!
Ooh! Ah!
[retching]
[dramatic music]
[neighing]
[laughing]
[upbeat music]
[gasps]
Oh.
[ethereal music]
-Wow.
-[woman] Now, everyone,
let's do some yoga poses.
[upbeat music]
[breathing heavily]
[dramatic music]
-What?
-[Prince Purpleton squeals]
[woman] Ah.
-[woman] Wowee.
-[gasping]
[sighs]
Thank you
for joining us tonight.
Please don't let
your scrambled guts
fall out of your mouth
onto the carpet
on your way out.
[sighs]
Namaste, my beautiful flowers.
Namaste.
No, wait, don't go.
Don't worry.
We're here twice a week.
Unless Mother Earth decides to
shoot us into the void of space
like I've foreseen.
Well, barring that, of course.
Or we could just
die of natural causes.
[both]
See everyone next week.
[sighs]
[grunting]
Dude, wow.
That was incredible.
We got back
to the unicorns just by
stretching and breathing.
Like, what? How many times
do I have to come back
before I can get my full horn?
Is it, like, once a week?
'Cause that's a big commitment.
I would rather do every other
week, but whatever it takes,
I'm gonna try.
Aw, looks like you got a little
poke-poke-poker already.
[chuckles] You just water
this little seed, brother.
Don't forget
the fertilizer, though.
It may be stinky,
but you need it to grow.
[Matty]
It's like I saw myself
in a place that I wanted to be
just from stretching
and breathing.
I didn't know that was
possible. Sethward, you have
to try this yoga class.
I think they gave me
a sweet pickle instead of dill.
-Ugh.
-Sethward, this is serious.
I think I'm growing a unicorn
horn or something, right?
Doesn't it look
a little bit like it?
After just one class.
Look.
It's getting there.
Mm.
Honestly, kind of sounds
like you just hyperventilated
and hallucinated.
Are you listening to me,
Sethward? Look, my horn
is coming in. It's--
Oh, it looks like
a cute little pimple to me.
-No, look.
-[pops]
Ah! Where'd it go?
Why'd it do that?
I don't know.
Maybe rub some dirt on it?
I mean, that's how I usually
get all my pimples back.
Or just keep
staying stressed out.
That should probably
get the job done.
You know what?
I have some on my back.
We could compare them
if you want.
I mean when I was a baby,
I had pimples.
I don't-- like, I haven't
had pimples in, like, years.
Oh, jeepers.
Oh.
Look, why don't you come
dumpster diving with me tonight?
It'll be super fun.
It'll get your mind
off of things.
The dumpster fumes
make me hallucinate
all kinds of fun stuff.
Brittany usually
comes with me,
but she has to work at
the funeral home late tonight
'cause the bodies to embalm
are all backed up
'cause she skipped work
yesterday to help me pry out
all the dead possum
between my laundry machine...
[continues indistinctly]
[panting, grunting]
[dramatic music]
Deep breath in
and hold it forever.
And forever is now.
Slowly release it.
-Ah.
-[gong crashes]
Now begin Breath of Fire.
[inhales deeply]
[tense music]
[groans]
[grunting]
[whooshing]
[grunts, screams]
[grunting]
Oh!
I did it!
I'm back!
Oh, thank goodness.
Now all I have to do
is save the world
very fast before class ends
and I get sent back.
[exciting music]
Oh!
Excuse me.
Have you seen Prince Purpleton?
Uh, he should be around here.
He's about this high.
Oh, yeah, sure.
I just saw him.
He's right over there.
Ah!
[laughs]
I'm never gonna lose you again.
I promise.
[laughs]
To the castle, buddy.
Let's go!
Come on, buddy.
Let's go. Take off.
We have to defeat
the evil horse quick.
It's evil, and it's
blocking my happiness,
and I-- I mean our happiness.
Oh, great.
Look who's here
to spoil the party.
You better not get
in our way, lady.
We're doing important
world-saving work here.
-[distant thudding]
-Wait.
Why does everything look
all glitchy and weird here?
[thuds]
[suspenseful music]
No.
There it is, the--
Okay, stay focused.
Let's go. Let's fight it, buddy.
Shoot me up and I'll punch it.
I'll punch it.
[squeaking]
Oh, no, what's going on?
No, I knew it.
That Peanut Butter lady's
bad news.
What are you doing?
Come on, stop it.
No, stop it.
Keep it together.
[screams]
Oh, I'm loving
the energy you're bringing
to these classes, new guy.
Any vocal releases
you need to make are wonderful.
Yes!
Everyone, yell out your demons.
[all screaming]
[Matty] Hi.
Great job with class.
Um, have you
seen Oak anywhere?
I can't find him.
I have something I really,
really have to ask him.
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie.
I don't know who that is.
Hey, I hope it's okay
to say this to you, uh,
since I don't know you,
but I'm having a lot
of feelings right now,
and I don't know if I can--
what to do with them
or even if I can process them.
I-- honestly, I'm really scared.
But you already have begun
to process them.
I know that just because
you're telling me this.
I know that you're doing
hard work on yourself right now,
but it is gonna pay off,
and people around you
are beginning to see the light
shift inside of you.
I have. Don't stop.
It's hard, and it's gonna
keep getting harder,
but you cannot stop.
Keep on cultivating that light
until letting it shine
becomes as natural to you
as breathing.
Notice how things have shifted
in the light,
how it makes colors
seem more vivid,
the touch more sensitive,
the smells... more smelly.
There will arrive times when you
feel like nothing has changed.
Just breathe
and feel and trust.
Your body is constantly
talking to you,
and it always tells the truth.
I love you, and so does
the Earth and the trees.
But at all costs...
[speaking indistinctly]
[squelching]
[dramatic music]
[rain pattering]
[soft music]
[beeps]
[dramatic music]
[birds chirping]
[inhales sharply] Mm.
[groaning]
[blubbering]
[whooshing]
[whinnies]
Hey, buddy.
Hi.
What, you could talk
this whole time?
Yup.
Oh, that's cool.
So we can talk now.
Hey, I tried really hard
to find my way back to you.
Like, I tried really hard.
Like, I tried
really hard.
Like, I really tried so hard.
But everything I did
just somehow led me back
to the exact same place
I started.
And, like, sometimes
it seemed even further back
from where I started.
How could you find me,
you ding-dong?
You never lost me.
Yeah, I did.
You gave me this amazing chance
to love life.
Somehow I messed it up,
and I don't even know
how I did it.
I'm telling you, Matty,
you didn't.
And everything has changed.
Just relax.
Everything is beautiful.
[ethereal music]
[birds chirping]
Mm.
I'll find my way back to you,
Prince Purpleton.
I know you'll be there
waiting for me,
and we'll be able to prance
around Enhorning again
with all our new friends.
I even wish I could see
Peanut Butter Sparkle again.
[sniffling]
There's nothing I can do
but live and breathe,
just be okay with everything.
I don't know how to do that yet,
but I'm gonna keep trying.
Even if Enhorning
turns into a demonic world
of reds and dark purples,
I'll be there next to you,
even if it takes my whole life.
Oh.
Buddy!
-[whinnying]
-[laughing]
[retches]
[thunder rumbling]
[grunting]
[inhales sharply]
Everything
is absolutely perfect
and exactly
how it's meant to be.
[laughs]
[grunts]
Whoo!
Whoa!
[laughs]
Whoo!
[exciting music]
Yah! [laughs]
[grunting]
[laughter]
Oh, it's Prince Purpleton.
Oh, this is all his fault.
And it's that bony freak too.
I don't like him.
Unclean heathen!
No, Tarliul, my friend,
don't you see?
Prince Purpleton foresaw
our sins would lead to
a culling of our kin.
This is the end of days,
and he is our prophet.
Ah, either way, someone has
to pay for whatever caused this.
We must appease
the giant horse god.
Take this, freak boy!
Wow-- oh!
It's so beautiful here.
It's being destroyed,
you unclean heathen!
Yeah, but it's gonna be amazing
to rebuild, isn't it?
Stand back, everyone.
I'm taking off
to defeat the evil horse.
[panting,
muttering indistinctly]
The king and queen
are trapped in the castle.
I couldn't save them.
I was barely able
to escape myself.
Oh, no.
Mom, Dad!
It's okay, buddy.
I'll save them.
I'll save everyone.
Just stand back.
Sorry, dude, can you
stand back just a little bit?
I'm about to take off
and probably cause a crater,
and ground chunks
are gonna go everywhere.
And I don't want you to get hit.
-[phone chimes]
-Hold on a second, dude.
Looks like I just received
a voice message
from the Royal Highnesses.
Fantastic.
Wait. How do I--
how do I play this?
-Just click the button here.
-I tried to press the button.
I'm pressing the button.
It's not pressing.
No, wait, wait, wait.
You've got to close
your other tabs.
I've tried. I'm trying.
-You're making me nervous.
-No, click that one.
-Click the button.
-Ah, here, that's all
you had to say.
There we go. Got it.
Everyone, listen up
to the holy royal decree.
[Junipero]
Pantius, you worthless idiot.
Come back here and save us!
Oh, when I get my hands
on your tiny horn, I'll--
Oh, oh, oh,
okay, all righty.
Yup, yup, let's just
skip ahead a little.
Uh, when she gets angry,
she embellishes a bit.
My horn may be below average,
but far from tiny.
Ah, here we go.
[Uniturius] Hon, you're
a beautiful equine goddess,
but perhaps this isn't the best
time to insult the guards.
[Junipero] Fine, Pantius,
project the rest of this message
throughout the kingdom.
Ooo-kay.
How do I project all over
the town speakers again?
-Click that one. That one.
-[buttons beeping]
Okay, right.
[Junipero]
Noble residents
of the city of Glimmastag,
the sins and blasphemous
misdeeds of my son,
Prince Purpleton, hast brought
a great evil to this pure city.
His unrestricted use of magic
in our society
has given birth
to the apocalypse.
Death will come for all.
There is no hope.
There is no escape.
Blood will rain.
I'm sorry.
[all screaming]
Don't worry your beautiful
horns, everyone.
I'm here to save you.
I said don't worry!
-Be quiet, y'all!
-[screaming stops]
Thanks, buddy.
It's all good, unicorns.
Everything is perfect
and beautiful
just the way it is.
[somber music]
What is she doing here?
I'll deal with you later.
Traitor.
Let's go, Prince Purpleton!
Launch!
[playful music]
[grunting]
Hoo-hoo! [laughs]
Whoo-hoo!
-[screams]
-[neighs]
[exciting rock music]
[grunts]
Whoo!
[laughs]
[roars]
[grunting]
[screams]
Hmm? Um...
[roars]
[suspenseful music]
[groaning]
[Peanut Butter Sparkle]
Dad, stop!
[gasps]
If you stop, I'll--
[sighs]
I'll go with you.
[roars]
Yes, okay?
Yes.
Just give me one more night
with my friends.
[groaning]
[Peanut Butter Sparkle]
You're going to be okay, Matt.
Everything's going to be
all right, please.
[Violet]
Hi, it's Violet.
Leave a really impactful
and inspirational message
at the beep.
-[beeps]
-[Matty] Hey, Violet.
I haven't heard from you
in a few days,
so just wanted to check in.
Um, I know things
got a bit awkward
and confusing on the ducks.
But I had a great time.
Just happy things are back
to the way they were.
I think you're the best.
Love you.
[Violet]
Hi, it's Violet.
Leave a really impactful
and inspirational message
at the beep.
-[beeps]
-[Matty] Hey, Violet.
It's me again.
Sorry for four calls in a row.
I know that's a lot,
but I really want to talk
to you about some stuff.
Um, I guess
I can just say it now
and we can talk
about it later more,
but I went to yoga, like you had
always asked me to do,
and it's incredible.
I would love
to go with you sometime.
So, yeah,
just give me a call anytime.
And I love you. Bye.
[Violet]
Hi, it's Violet.
Leave a really impactful
and inspirational message
at the beep.
-[beeps]
-[Matty] Hey, Violet.
I know 17 calls
in a row is a lot.
I need-- I need to know
what's going on.
I can't sleep, and I, like,
can't even think straight.
I'm in a meeting at 3:30
for 30 minutes or so.
Call me any time other than
that and I'll pick up.
Please, Violet.
[sniffles]
Like, I need
to talk to you, okay? Bye.
Hey, it's Matty's phone.
And you've reached it.
Please leave me a message
'cause I love them.
-[beeps]
-[Violet] Hey, Matt.
You have to stop this.
Are you looking for some kind
of closure or something?
Here it is.
This is becoming
[echoing] way too much, dude.
We didn't even go out
for that long.
I think you're wonderful,
and I really enjoyed
our time together.
But the truth is,
you hurt me very, very badly.
We both know that you
breaking up with me
was not a spur-of-the-moment
decision,
and I can't go back
to before you told me that
the whole time
we were together,
it never felt right to you.
Everything we did
all feels like a lie now.
I'm happy you're doing well
and improving yourself,
but that is all you.
Don't put any of that on me.
[sighs] Matt, you are sweet
and selfish
and full of potential,
and I never want
to hear from you again.
Goodbye.
[dramatic music]
-[heavy breathing]
-[crickets chirping]
[light music]
[inhales sharply]
Mm.
Prince Purpleton
was the one who found me
when I escaped my dad.
He made me feel like
how I always dreamed I could be
rather than
who I was raised to be.
I didn't know that was possible
before I met him.
But I saw you
reach out to him.
[crunching, rustling]
[mysterious music]
I was always so terrified
of this body defining me.
I have no clue how I came
from him, but I am not his.
No matter how far I get away,
he's still here.
He raised me
with so much hatred.
Oh, maybe I should just accept
it and go back home
so he doesn't hurt anyone else.
All this destruction,
it's my fault.
Do you want to just
take a deep breath with me?
[both breathing deeply]
You are a sparkly,
colorful, magical,
very annoying elf fairy.
That's what you are.
[sighs] Mm.
My dad didn't come here
just for me.
He feeds off of repression.
If these unicorns keep
suppressing their gross magic,
he's only gonna
get more powerful.
I want to help you.
[dramatic music]
[snoring]
[birds chirping]
[suspenseful music]
[roars]
No way, dude.
She's staying with us.
-She is our family.
-[giggles]
You ready, buddy?
You know it.
Let's go.
[retches]
[whinnies]
[bright music]
[laughing]
Ah!
[retches]
[shouting]
Ah!
[whinnies]
What?
You three are here?
Oh, yeah, buddy, I guess.
I'm not really sure where here
is, but we made it.
I love you so much, buddy.
And I'm so glad you finally
made peace with the critters
-in your backyard.
-We did.
We really did.
We bonded over pickles.
Sethward, that's awesome.
You can do it.
You can defeat the mean horsey.
You got this, Matty. Whoo.
Oh, thanks, Nance.
I love you.
Love you, Matty.
Go get that big, mean horsey.
Oh, Mark, you're like
a diamond necklace
I never want to sell
or lose or anything.
We got you, buddy.
Whoo-hoo!
[roars]
[grunts]
[smooches]
Hmm.
[suspenseful music]
[liquid bubbling]
[dramatic music]
[shimmering tone]
[exciting music]
[roars]
[retches]
[uplifting music]
[roars]
Oh.
[retches]
[soft music]
[groaning]
[whinnies]
Ah!
[laughter]
Yeah!
[whinnies]
[Junipero]
Prince Purpleton,
what have you done
to my beautiful city?
You! You are the worst son
imaginable.
[Uniturius]
Sweetie, that's enough.
[gasps]
Honey snuggle love horn,
I need you to stop yelling
and look around.
[all groaning]
Can't you see,
my queenie-peenie?
Outlawing our true
gross magic and just
letting out the beautiful parts
doesn't work.
You can't expect all good
with no gross.
That's just not how magic
works for unicorns.
Well, that's how
it works for me.
I don't have a problem
keeping down the nastiness.
So no one else should.
Keeping your weird tucked away
has changed you.
I'll love you no matter what,
but that wild, young princess
I fell for has been hiding
for a long time.
She wasn't afraid of anything,
especially not a little bit
of rainbow goo.
Or even a lot of bit of rainbow
goo, for that matter.
But then she became queen
and started acting
like what she thought a queen
was supposed to act like.
How did we get here?
Look what we caused by being
so afraid of being ourselves.
These old traditions
are just getting in the way
of everyone's happiness
and probably causing
a lot of constipation.
You got to let
your freak flag fly, baby.
-[grunting]
-Everything will be okay.
[whinnying]
[dramatic music]
Oh, Mommy, just let it go.
It's fine.
[retching]
[laughs]
[neighs]
[laughing]
[retching]
[bright music]
Mommy, I love you!
-I love you! Ah!
-[laughs]
I'm so sorry, my loves.
Snap! She loves me.
I think she loves me.
-I think she really does.
-Mm.
[laughs] Oh, it's okay,
my furry love scone.
Ah! Ah!
We're gonna have so much fun!
[laughter]
-And, Pantius,
come here at once.
-Oh!
From this day forward, you will
be known as Sir Pantius,
-Knight of Butterflies.
-[gasps]
[stammers]
I-- I thank you, my queen.
Sir Pantius, one more thing.
Promise to make sure
that adorable unifoal
lets her freak flag fly!
[retches]
Yes, my queen.
[laughter]
Candy for everyone.
[laughs]
[soft music]
[soft piano music]
Hello.
Matt Kiel here.
I'm doing this "Show & Tell"
story tonight.
It's about saying good job,
you defeated the impossible
voices in your head.
[no audible dialog]
I made this,
uh, very short cartoon
'cause I got really
frustrated one day.
Good job, buddy.
[laughter]
Whoo!
[whistles and applause]
We're here at "Show & Tell
Show & Tell Spectacular."
We're watching all these crazy
videos with kooky characters.
These are my shoes.
These are my legs.
That's my torso.
And this is my face,
money maker.
We got live fires here.
That's right,
you saw it for yourself.
Well, you got it.
That's my legs. That's my--
[laughter]
So that's it.
I just hope for joy
and gratitude and generosity,
like, me to others.
[no audible dialogue]
Ooh!
Nothing matters
except this moment right here.
I love you.
Um, I'm at a breaking point.
I haven't had a lot of sleep.
Well, we talked Friday,
we texted,
but I haven't seen her
in almost two weeks.
And then before that,
it was two weeks and a day.
And then before that--
It's like I'm, like, sinking.
It's like I'm literally
in this, like,
big ocean of, like,
fear and love, and I'm like--
the water's fear
and the air is love
and I just, like,
dip my head under,
and I just can't breathe.
And then something,
like, kicks inside of me,
like this feeling
of realization
or this feeling of comfort
and love and awake-ness.
And I just dip my head back,
and I'm like, whoa.
And then I see all of it,
just everything I want.
And it's like this
emotional feeling of more joy
than anything I could feel.
And whatever happens
is gonna be the best thing
but, like, if I just let it.
I'm doing a show at 10:00,
and it's gonna be a doozy.
[birds calling]
[retches]