Unicorn Store (2017) Movie Script
What is she doing?
- Come on.
- Okay, baby.
Baby.
What are those?
Paint.
What'd you get, Kit?
A unicorn.
A pony and a unicorn.
And what do you and Steve
like to do?
Um... we paint,
and we go outside and play.
Really nice, sweetie.
It's the one that I've been wanting!
It's the magic one.
You take me all the way there
- You're starting off good.
- That's amazing!
Home again!
I'm going to my room.
Uh, about that...
Um...
How do you like the new gym?
Right, I'm ready to go.
I just got to get my...
Is she okay?
Huh.
All right, well, we're going to work.
Yeah, I'm excited. It's, uh...
We have this new ropes course. Woo.
Boy, these kids, it makes them dig deep.
Yeah, it's really, really high up...
- in the...
- The...
The gangster children.
Gangster. That's...
Gangster children,
they they just cry.
- It's cathartic.
- Mm-hmm.
- So...
- You want to come with us?
- We're gonna paint our dreams.
- People don't like it when I do that.
- Now, honey. Hang on.
- Explain it.
- No, that's different.
- That's...
Anyway, um... have a good day.
A good day.
Yard sale wars!
All these paintings you did in school,
they won't sell.
Just throw 'em away.
I just can't take
any more rejection!
Ladies, period got you down?
Stuck on the sidelines
while life passes you by?
Time to get yourself back in the game.
Time to punch out your period.
Depression can make you feel
deeply unloved,
like no one understands you.
Despondica can help.
I had been kicked out of school
and was living in my parents' basement.
Basically, I had failed
at all of my life's pursuits,
and there I was, sitting on my couch,
flipping through the channels,
trying to figure out
what I was gonna do with my life,
and then I found Temporary Success.
Are you tired
of feeling like a failure?
Success is all around you.
Temp agencies have hundreds of jobs
in a wide variety of qualifications.
You only need to take
a simple typing test.
It only takes five minutes.
What are you waiting for?
Achieve your temporary success today.
'Cause you don't want to be
a great disappointment, do you?
Home again!
Honey!
Honey, do you remember Kevin?
Kevin from down the street?
- Dad!
- He's back in town, sweetie.
He's got an apartment right by the mall,
and he has a beautiful head of hair.
He's a good-looking kid.
- That's him, isn't it?
- Yes.
It is, I bet.
- It is.
- Kevin!
Oh, my God!
You brought dinner!
Oh, what a surprise!
Wow, Kit, you look just the same.
Honey, you remember Kevin.
- And guess where he's working.
- Guess.
I wouldn't know.
- Emotion Quest!
- Emotion Quest!
Yep.
I'm a youth counselor there
as of two weeks ago,
thanks to Gene and Gladys here hiring me.
Mm-hmm.
- Honestly, thank you for changing my life.
- Oh. Oh.
Oh, Kevin.
Hey, Kevin.
- Thank you.
- No, no, thank you.
All right, well, um,
we'll just go get some pita chips,
and you guys reminisce.
- Oh, yeah.
- Go on, go.
- You have a lot to catch up on.
- Yeah.
- Go on. Come on, honey.
- Sorry, she's insane.
- I heard that!
- Hey, remember, uh...
Remember when you wore that golden crown
when you were a kid?
You were pretty cute.
Yeah, right.
You were!
Come on.
Yeah?
Well, you were kind of...
Hey, take a look at this.
Lisa.
She works in medical billing.
Pretty nice, huh?
So what's your plan
now that you've been kicked out school?
I mean, I think it's great
that she had the opportunity
to explore the arts.
It's a privilege,
and, you know, now that's over,
- and we're moving on to the next chapter.
- Mm-hmm.
- Am I right?
- That's right. It is.
How about you, Kit?
Kit?
Huh? I didn't hear you.
Kit, you are being weird on purpose.
You know, ever since you guys
turned me onto this kale,
I can't get enough.
Well, you can have as much as you want,
because Kit will not touch this stuff.
- Well, no.
- Kit.
Why don't you guys just adopt Kevin?
- Kit!
- What?
Huh? Then you don't have to be
embarrassed at allby my failures.
- No one is calling you a failure.
- Honey, we're...
We're just trying to help you.
Honestly, Kit, truth be told,
everything I've achieved
is super attainable.
You absolutely should not feel
like you're living in my shadow.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I mean, Kevin hasn't even
gone to college.
Yeah, I'm just keeping busy.
- Mm-hmm.
- I have a plan, okay?
Temp agencies.
They have hundreds of jobs
in a wide variety of qualifications.
All you need to do
is a simple typing test.
Just give me five minutes.
Kit, you're... you're tracking glitter
on the floor.
Hey.
You guys still like me, right?
They would, too,
if I was Kevin the perfect.
Someone with a job,
someone who likes kale,
even though it's disgusting.
Here...
Let me help you with that.
- Mmm, so delicious.
- Hmm.
Hello, parents.
- Is that my old suit?
- Mm-hmm. I hope you don't mind.
I wanted to look polished and professional
on my first day.
First day of what?
Of the rest of my life.
As I mentioned some time before,
I've signed up with a temporary agency
and I've taken a temporary position
at a public relations firm.
- Public relations!
- Relations.
- Oh, my...
- Wow.
- Sweetie!
- Wow!
That's wonderful!
Do you want, uh, some breakfast?
Can I get you a pop-tart?
Oh, please. Rest your feet.
I will be making a breakfast for myself
consisting of grapefruits, and flax seeds,
and... and coffee.
Well, you don't like coffee.
No, that was just old Kit,
and she didn't try hard enough
to like things that are disgusting.
But new Kit has achievable life goals,
and she'll be working very hard
to achieve said goals.
I'll probably be working very long hours
from now on,
because as I've learned
from the television set,
success is all around me.
- It's a breakthrough.
- It's wonderful.
This is wonderful.
It is.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'll be on my way.
If either of you are out for the day,
if you could please pick up
some legal pads, highlighters.
I'll probably be using a lot of them
from now on.
Good day.
Good day.
- Oh.
- Hi.
- You must be Kit.
- I am.
- Great. Follow me.
- Okay.
- Oh, sorry.
- You can go that way, or this way.
Okay, great.
Okay, first question.
Do you know what magazines are?
- Yes.
- Great.
Do you know how to push a button
on a copier that says "copy"?
- Uh, yes.
- All right, great.
And do you think that you could
put the magazines inside the copier
before you press the button
that says "copy"?
- Yes.
- Great.
Then, well, you're ready to fly.
Um, one of these is yours.
Oh.
Hey, Bob, there's one in my cubicle.
I'll grab it for you, okay?
All right, well,
we'll just try the screen on...
Hmm.
Oh.
Do you need to use the copy machine?
No, no, go ahead.
You look like you really know
what you're doing there.
Yeah, it's complex work, but I trained
extensively for a whole five minutes.
Do you think you could do this one for me?
Sure.
Which part?
See this article
on learning to love again?
- Mm-hmm.
- I want the recipe underneath it.
Lemon pound cake.
I really like pound cake.
Yeah. Cake is good.
- You think so?
- Mm-hmm.
We like the same things.
I'm Gary.
Vice President...
of the company, not the United States.
Though, maybe someday. Ha-ha.
- What's your name?
- Kit.
Today is my first day.
Ooh. Welcome.
Did you Google my name
before you came here today?
No.
But I will.
Because a lot of people with my samename
have done terrible things.
But this Gary's record is clean.
I'll tell Crystal that we're doing lunch?
So... how was everybody's day?
Well, I mean, mine was great. Awesome.
Mm-hmm.
How about... how about you, Kit?
Pretty good.
- Yeah?
- Yeah?
Mm-hmm.
Did you meet some new people
or make some friends?
I think so.
Uh, this Vice President guy
wants to have lunch with me.
Vice President?
- VP, day one.
- Oh, my gosh.
That's awesome.
And you like what you're doing?
Yeah. Everybody just, um,
wears office clothes,
drinks coffee,
types stuff.
Wow! Well...
- I mean, we knew you could do it.
- Oh, yeah.
That was not a question.
I just do what everybody else is doing.
I love doing
what everybody else is doing.
- You're so good at it.
- That's what a team is. Right?
That's what we tell the kids
at Emotion Quest.
Look at this. What is that?
Two people doing the same thing.
Holding hands.
- Two people, one thing. Powerful.
- That's right, Gene.
I'm so glad
you're having this experience.
Me too.
Me too.
I haven't had a date
in like three weeks.
Are you still using
that super sad profile picture?
It's not sad.
It's like a neutral expression.
Okay, but guys don't want
super sad girlfriends.
They want happy girlfriends,
who smile, like this.
Are you making fun of me?
Oh, no, I'm just listening.
And who are you?
I'm Kit.
You're Kit.
I'm Crystal.
Gary's assistant.
Hey, Kit. Looking good.
Got a letter for you.
Holy shit. Brock wants you.
Hilarious, because they don't
even know each other, right?
You've worked here for what,
like, two seconds?
Get ready.
Get ready for what?
Um... did you guys get one of these?
I don't know, but if that is a party,
I better get one.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
- Beautiful.
- Hmm?
The sound of a copy machine.
Oh, yeah, it's like...
the seashore in here.
You're funny.
Like that Seinfeld.
When did I hire you?
You didn't. I'm just a temp.
I have a kind of personal question
for you.
I'd love to answer it.
Okay.
Did you always know
that this was what you wanted to do,
or did you want to do another thing first?
Like, what?
Like, did I dream of figure skating,
but my parents wouldn't pay
for the lessons?
Sure.
Why not wish we could fly? We can't,
so we focus on what we can do.
Which is what?
Creating the artwork
for the new Mystic Vac Vacuum.
Oh. What makes it mystical?
What, indeed.
You know, I was in a classwhere we had
to do fake ads for McDonalds and Ikea,
and I came with McSalsa and chips.
See, that's already
ten times more interesting
than anything I've heardtoday.
There is zero creativity in this company
and it is killing me.
Can I see your portfolio?
What? No. Uh, it's from school.
Bring it in.
You don't want to be a temp forever,
do you?
No, I guess I don't.
Kit, what are you still doing here?
Do you know about a place
called The Store?
Ooh, is it like a cool pop-up?
Because I never go anywhere fun.
- I don't know what it is.
- Oh.
Okay. Well, I should go because
there's a new Dateline on tonight
about professional single women
getting murdered,
and I should probably watch that.
Yeah. Uh, I'm just gonna
go get office supplies.
Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.
Oh, come on.
You take me all the way there
Flying us in on a wing and a prayer
- Don't touch that.
- Ah! Whoa!
Just kidding.
Come in.
Come in!
You want a diet Coke?
You like those, right?
What is this place?
Who are you?
You have come to The Store, Kit.
And I am The Salesman.
What's The Store?
- How do you know my name?
- You're here.
- But I could be anybody.
- No, you can't.
We only invited you.
How do you know where I work?
And also, are you gonna murder me?
Murder?
Kit!
This is a legitimate place of business.
And the opposite of murder.
What kind of business?
We sell what you want.
What you need.
Which is what?
Oh, you think you don't know,
but you totally know. I know.
- You do?
- Isn't it obvious?
No.
- Isn't it?
- No, it's not. No.
Think about it.
Unicorns?
Unicorns.
Behold!
Oh, Kit!
Don't you want to just jump
into that screen
and hug the shit out of your veryown
precious pink unicorn?
Braid its hair?
Sing it songs?
Bake it cookies?
Yes.
But unicorns aren't real.
As a person who works in a unicorn store,
I take great offense in that.
Just allow me to show you around,
and then you decide, okay?
This is our Recreation Area,
with pillows and ottomans,
sugar cubes,
and wi-fi.
This is where we bring them
when they first arrive.
Do they ride up the elevator?
When the unicorns arrive, they can be
a little dingy from the various forests,
you know, covered in leaves,
and berries, and shit,
so we wash them off,
brush their hair, and shiny them up a bit.
- Where are the unicorns now?
- Oh...
They don't arrive here until you're ready.
And here...
we have our fine dining establishment,
or Hay-staurant, as we like to call it.
It doesn't smell like hay.
I know.
The unicorns, they don't like that.
And this is the ice cream parlor.
Unicorns eat ice cream?
Of course not, Kit, but I do.
Look, Kit.
I think you're smart enough to see
what's happening here.
See the truth.
Ah.
Behold!
The magic hair...
of a unicorn long gone.
Feel it.
It feels electric.
- It feels like...
- Happiness.
A unicorn will love you forever, Kit.
Forever.
Forever.
I don't like this.
This isn't real, and I'm...
I'm a business lady now.
- Where are you going?
- I'm gonna buy graph paper!
Graph paper can't love you back.
We sell what you want.
What you need.
Can I help you?
Maybe.
Let me ask you this.
It's not about office supplies.
I have a girlfriend.
What? No, that's not what I was gonna ask.
Um...
I just saw something
that I don't believe to be true.
But now it seems like it could be true,
and it would be...
really good if it was.
Like Jesus?
No. Or... or... yeah.
Yeah. Because people do think
that they really see Jesus, right?
And then other people say
that they're nuts
because Jesus isn't just
walking around on this earth,
but the people who do believe it
really do,
and who are we to say what's real
or not real
in the mind of the true believer?
What was the question again?
I guess it's...
How do you know
that they'll love you forever?
It's what they're born to do.
It is the best thing in the world.
I want to see one up close.
And you will.
But first there are...
certain requirements.
Requirements?
Bringing a unicorn here is not an easy
or inexpensive endeavor.
You have to be the right sort of girl.
Huh.
The right sort of girl.
Okay.
This is crazy.
Okay.
What kinds of things would I have to do?
Requirement one.
Build a homeworthy of a unicorn.
Understand, Kit Kat,
if I have one brought here,
I have to know that you're for real.
But I think you and your unicorn
could have a great future.
If you want it.
When I was a kid,
I asked my parents for a unicorn.
A real one, not pretend.
And it would be so filled
with love and magic
that we wouldn't need anything else.
It was the only thing I ever wanted.
I know.
"Unicorn ownership is both a rewarding
and serious undertaking.
In order to ensure the safety
and happiness of said magical creature,
you must first build a home
worthy of your unicorn."
Unicorn.
- Uh, excuse me, sir.
- Yeah.
I'm in the market for some lumber.
What are you building?
Mmm, it's like your basic
sort of structure for a horse,
but smaller than a horse.
Do you have dimensions
for this horse?
I don't.
- But it's like...
- Virgil, come in.
You know,
I can't help you right now, lady.
Like that tall.
But, um, you need to talk to Virgil.
He can help you right out, okay?
- Okay.
- Damn it, Virgil, what's your 20?
- You looking for something?
- Oh, sorry.
Are you Virgil?
I was told by that guy
with the walkie-talkie
in the lumber section
to talk to a guy named Virgil.
Yeah. Is there a problem?
Oh, no. Sorry. Um...
He just said that you might help me
with some workI need done on my house.
Well, I sweep floors and count inventory.
Is that what you need done at your house?
Need me to count some stuff?
Huh, you don't really look like a Virgil.
Okay.
What do I look like?
I don't know. It's just, when he said
the name Virgil, I was sort of relieved,
because that name doesn't really sound
like a hardware store guy type name,
and, like, Virgil seems like someone
I can relate to, like...
like Virgil was an outcast in school,
like me.
Wow.
But you don't seem like that.
That's my point.
Like, you look like
you could be named Jack or... Fox.
- Fox?
- Yeah. Sorry. These are compliments.
Okay. Well, look.
Um, I don't really go out on field jobs.
The store doesn't send me out.
- So I think you're better off with Joel.
- Oh, but Joel can't do it.
- Why not?
- Or...
he just doesn't want to do it, I think.
Please!
He said that you might take it
on the side. Wink, wink.
I don't know why Joel
would say that or why he would wink.
Joel hates me.
No. No, no. I think that he really does
believe in your skills and talents,
just secretly.
Um, I think he secretly is hoping
that I'll die
in a terrible power tool accident.
So maybe you'll do it?
Maybe I'll think about it. What's the job?
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
You bring something to show me?
But more important than that...
how are you?
I'm good. I'm good.
I brought my portfolio to show you.
Ah.
And I see you're taking a crack
at the cursed vacuums.
I am.
So, at first I started working on it,
like, making them kind of like
cartoon Pokemons,
and... and that was really cute,
but it's not professional,
so I did this now,
uh, and it's on graph paper.
- I like that.
- Mm-hmm.
- I like that.
- Mm-hmm.
Is your shampoo coconut?
Yes.
I'm saving up for an island.
You know, small, someplace remote.
Plenty of sand.
What are your, uh, long-term goals?
Uh, I would like to not be
a great disappointment.
But...
like, part-time or full-time?
Which...
- Let's get back to these vacuums, okay?
- Okay.
See what you can do.
Hey, you need a bigger space.
I think you could have
a really great future here, Kit,
if you want it.
I need to find anything
that you might have on unicorns.
Um, specifically information
on their habitats,
and expenses, and maintenance.
There are a few texts
on the mythology of unicorns.
- Okay, yeah, I'll take all of those.
- Okay.
- Kit, is someone at the door?
- No.
- Sweetie?
- Hi. Come on in.
- We're going to be going this way.
- Kit! We're in the gym.
- Okay. Okay.
- Whoa.
Just down here.
Sorry.
It's just, if my mom sees you,
she'll think that you're my boyfriend
- and invite you to Christmas.
- Oh, I'm not coming to Christmas.
No, I know.
Oh.
- Who did all this?
- Don't look at these.
- These are my artistic failures.
- According to who?
Uh, Professor Jonathan Scott.
I took his class.
He's extremely prolific in the art world.
"Stick in a box."
Yeah, sounds like an idiot.
No, he's not an idiot.
He's the first artist
to put a stick in a box.
Very cutting-edge at the time.
So this is the space.
Okay, so what do you want done?
You want a ceiling fan?
Dressers, bookshelves?
No, I'm thinking of something better.
Like a stable.
A horse stable?
Yeah, but for something like a horse...
Smaller than a horse, like a pony.
- A pony?
- Mm-hmm.
But better than a pony.
Okay.
Um...
You know, I don't think a pony
wants to live in your basement.
That's a good point.
I don't even want to live here.
Well, I guess you have enough room
for a... stable out here.
Mmm. Okay. Great.
Is there a way for you to do it tomorrow?
- No.
- Why?
It's just your straight,
you know, garden variety,
- you know, generic brand horse stable.
- Uh, can't do it.
- Sure you can.
- Well, I can't.
And, you know, it's a little sexist
that you think so.
Not every man who walks the Earth
knows how to build amazing things
- with his bare hands, okay?
- Okay. It's...
I get your point, but it's not sexist.
It's just, you work at a hardware store.
You guys can do anything.
Wow, that's really cute.
Well, how about... Okay.
How about we use this?
How about we use my, um...
Okay, the doorknob thing
was a little dramatic, but...
Yeah.
There's tons of stuff out of this
that we could use, right?
Is that your playhouse?
Yeah, it was.
My dad built it for me when I was a kid.
What do you think?
Uh, that... that seems like
a fundamentally bad idea.
- Okay, so it's 50% rotted, that's true.
- Mm-hmm.
But we could use some of the wood.
And build a new thing out of this.
- Just like that.
- Mm-hmm.
Please?
You don't even know me.
But I know you have a tape measure.
Okay.
Yes, we're doing it!
Okay.
Whoa! All right, is that okay?
Yeah.
- All right.
- You do it.
Sure. Okay. Um...
Go, go, go!
Yeah!
- Yeah.
- We'll just use a hammer.
So, I'm building a stable
in my backyard.
Well, actually, I hired a manto do it
and it's gonna be awesome.
So what's next?
When do I get to meet the unicorn?
Behold!
Oh, my God!
The magical horn
of a unicorn long gone.
Touch it.
Pick it up.
Oh, it's so heavy!
That's because it's full oflove.
Oh, no, not really.
They're all just really heavy.
So, what happened to him?
What happens to any of us
that doesn't learn to love another thing?
Oh, Kit.
It is so wonderful...
that you're taking in a unicorn.
Hmm.
Now that you've built this foundation,
we need to start thinking
about your long-term goals.
How to feed your unicorn in body and mind.
And proof of financial responsibility
and some other forms speculating on...
Oh, my God. Look at the time.
You're gonna be late for work!
Go. Go, go, go, go, go, go.
Get out there and show us what you can do.
I will!
Oh, where have you been?
Crystal keeps asking me where you are.
I just went to Whole Foods
to pick up some hay,
but they didn't have it,
so the trip was pointless.
What do you need hay for? Oh, wait,
are you doing like a cool diet thing?
Because let me tell you this. I tried
the 30-day fiber fun diet for seven days.
It did not do anything
and I did not have any fun.
Hey.
Uh, step into my office.
I'd love to speak with you for a minute.
Is it personal?
I can clear up my schedule.
Beautiful.
Gary, I have been thinking a lot
about my long-term goals.
I don't want to be a temp forever.
I want to be full-time, maybe.
I want to show you what I can do.
I would like to see what that looks like.
You would?
Let's have you meetwith the whole
Mystic Vac team next Monday.
Show us what you're thinking. Yeah?
Oh. Like, the whole team? Like...
Like a presentation? Okay.
- Don't be afraid, Kit.
- I'm not.
I'm just kind of like busy.
There's a superstar deep, deep,
deep inside you there, somewhere.
We just need to take all these layers off
and let her out of there.
Does she want to come out of there?
- Yeah, I think that she does.
- She totally does!
Yeah.
She totally does.
I can't believe
that you built real walls!
- Calm down.
- You built real walls!
Well, I watched YouTube videos
on making real walls.
- Well, I think it's working.
- Ah...
I keep looking at 'em to make sure they're
not gonna fall down, and they haven't yet.
Kit, dinner's ready!
I'll order pizza!
Oh!
Sorry, that's my mom.
She's just... super annoying.
She's super annoying
'cause she wants to make you dinner?
Oh, sorry.
What, Mom? What? I'm busy.
I'm doing something.
What are you guys doing out there?
Come in, have some quinoa.
Uh...
Sorry, service is really bad. Bye.
- So.
- So?
Do your parents call you, like, every day?
No, they're dead.
- Oh, my God.
- No, I'm just kidding. No.
They're... they're still alive. But...
- So mean!
- Yeah, it's really bad.
Um... but...
I don't know.
I guess they're just busy
with their own lives.
So, what do you think about this wood?
Is it strong enough
to withstand something kind of...
like, sharp and pointystabbing it?
- Kit?
- Hmm.
Why are you building this?
It's a surprise.
Okay.
Okay, you know something...
You know what? I get paid either way.
Yeah.
Now, for the next step,
we're gonna put our siding
on our framed wall.
Wanna grab a screw, your drill
- Stop.
- What?
...and your wood.
Can I give you a little friendly advice
from one woman to another?
Okay. You just don't sound very friendly.
There is zero chance that Gary is going
to pick your presentation, okay?
You're not gonna save the day
with your little vacuum cartoons.
Aaron and Matt are already on the account,
and they are for real superstars
who actually know what they are doing.
I'm not trying to save the day.
Oh, I just... I just bet you weren't.
And Gary really does believe in me.
You're not special!
Okay?
We've all been there before.
Enjoy it while it lasts.
Kit, is something wrong?
That's quite a lot of food for a 30-minute
road trip you got going on in here.
You're gonna be thanking mewhen we're
30 minutes in the middle of nowhere
- and all you want are some Bugles.
- Okay.
- Let's see what we got.
- Oh.
Wait. I love this song!
You take me all the way there
Flying us in on wing and a prayer
And once we were worlds apart
But hey, that's just how it starts
You take me the all the way there
All the way
- That was impressive.
- Oh.
Thank you for driving.
I know that you don't want to be here.
What? No, I-I-I wanna be here.
I'm... I'm happy, I'm... I'm excited.
I'm pumped.
I'm getting hay.
- Hay!
- Hay!
Hay, hay, hay.
- Question.
- Yes.
Am I pretty enough
to be sexually harassed?
What? What, no, who... who...
who are you talking about?
My boss, Gary.
He's older, but in that sort of
old-fashioned way,
where they like to open doors for you
and smell your hair.
Um, no, that's... that's not okay.
- That's not okay at all.
- But Crystal says he does it to everybody.
Oh, my God.
Hmm.
This here is our three-way hay.
Uh, wheat, oats, and barley.
Okay.
Okay, but does it taste good?
You'll have to ask the cows.
Oh. Should we talk to the cows?
We should talk to the cows, I think.
- Are we supposed to load?
- I... you know what?
You don't know?
Have you ever been
in this situation before?
No, this is the first time,
surprisingly enough.
- Okay, well...
- Um, let's see.
- It's not far.
- All right.
One, two, three.
- All right. A little bit...
- Heavy.
Oh, gosh. I have to set it down.
- There's just so much...
- Oh.
Are you really getting a horse?
Um...
Basically.
I think that you're doing
a really good job with the power tools.
Sorry for the wait.
I'll load it for you.
I'm getting really nervous
about this presentation,
because I keep trying to draw vacuums
and every time I do,
I just want to draw rainbow kittens.
Well, yeah, you're human.
But you have until Monday
to come up with something, yeah?
I am going to lock myself in my house,
- because I will have it all to myself...
- Ooh.
...and focus, focus, focus
on drawing vacuums.
What are you guys doing in here?
Honey, what... what is this?
Why... why are you going through my stuff?
I am so sorry, Kit, that we didn't
build you a better playhouse.
Is that what this is?
- Ask her.
- Is that what you're building?
The thing outside with the guy and...
Are you building another place?
Are you building a better place?
- For...
- For your...
For your... imaginary friend?
No! I don't have an imaginary friend.
- Ask her again.
- It's totally fine.
It's nothing.It's private.
Honey, I'm holding some hay.
Get out! Get out of my space!
- That hurts.
- All right.
Well, I'm hearing stuff from her now.
- Are you hearing things?
- Yes, her... she's attacking.
I understand, but I think
we need to honor that.
So, please go.
We will give you your space,
but we're gonna...
we're gonna talk about this on Monday.
I'm not making an appointment with you
to talk about this.
- No, I'm not.
- You don't need an appointment.
But we'll do it Monday.
- Uh, you want me to leave this open, hun?
- Close it.
I don't know how to be a grown-up,
my parents think that I'm insane,
and I have no idea what Gary is thinking,
except he wants to help me
remove all my layers.
Hmm, hello.
Now you're living life.
What's the next requirement?
I don't know if you're ready
for that one yet.
Of course I'm ready. I'm building a home
worthy of a unicorn.
I've got plenty of hay.
What's left?
What? I got to hang a magic rainbow
on my kitchen or some shit?
"Surround the unicorn with love.
Hatred inyour heart
is like a dagger to hers."
And what do you think about that?
"Surround it with love." I can do that.
That's like hugging, right?
I can totally hug a unicorn.
Maybe you just need
to figure this one out for yourself.
"Caring for your unicorn.
Do you have enough love in your life
for this unicorn?
Do you have
a nurturing family environment?
Will your unicorn live in a happy home
with a well-developed support system?
I don't know Kit, will it?
Yes, it will. What are you implying?
Unicorns need loving vibes.
They're very sensitive
to negative energies in the home.
I don't have negative energies.
I have loving energies,
and this unicorn is gonna love
all of my energies,
and if she doesn't, then she can just
go back to her sad little forest, okay?
Has anyone ever told you
you are a very selfish person?
Huh?
You think everything in this store
is for you?
Well, you kind of said it was.
You think a store
is only customers,
or did it ever occur to you
that maybe, just maybe,
the salespeople on the other side
have their own lives, their own dreams,
their own reasons
for selling the things that they sell?
Jeez Louise!
Having been separated
from her parents,
the runt of the litter
is left to fend for herself.
She wanders
the plains of the Serengeti alone...
...searching for food...
and for her parents...
...unaware that far away,
- her herd is in search of her as well.
- Row! Row!
- Row! Row!
- Woo! Who's feeling good now?
I think that rowing is
you're reaching into the future,
you're pushing away the past.
- Into the future!
- Into the future!
- Push the past!
- Push the past!
Into the future, that's it.
This is where that kale
really comes into play.
We're not going anywhere.
Push that past behind and row.
- Sweetie, you're doing great.
- Row!
Grow! Grow!
- Woo!
- All right!
Guys, you did great.
- Boat's secure. You did great, guys.
- You really did great. Yeah!
I'm proud of you.
- We did it!
- How about this one?
You're amazing!
I'm just glad that we're,
you know, talking, and...
Yeah.
I-I really just want our house
to be a happy one.
- Yes. Yeah.
- We do, too, sweetie.
- Yeah, of course.
- Yeah.
Well, we're happy that you made it.
Yeah! Yeah.
Hey, Kit!
Great job with the canoe.
Yeah, once these tents are up,
we're gonna start the Truth Circle.
Kevin's challenging himself
to do the tent by himself today.
- Kev!
- That looks kind of dangerous.
- I don't want him to get hurt. Kev!
- Uh-oh.
Hang on.
LPI. LPI. Remember our tools?
You ready for Truth Circle?
Yeah, what is Truth Circle, exactly?
In my opinion, Truth Circle is bullshit,
is what it is.
Yeah, try to cry a lot
or they think you're blocking
and you'll have to go hiking
with your own spirit-self or some shit.
- Why did you guys have to come here?
- Whatever.
I swear I didn't know I was pregnant.
Oh, shit.
She's totally kidding.
We just make stuff up,
like, for Truth Circle. We lie.
- Oh.
- Yeah. They'll believe anything.
My psycho parents hate me.
They just... grabbed all my tube tops.
And they're all, like,
"We're burning these up."
Just burning them up
like that campfire right there.
Wow.
How did that make you feel?
Oh, my God, like, so sad
for all my tube tops.
- That's a great share.
- Yeah, good share.
Good share.
Thank you.
Maybe I just like to draw pictures.
Maybe I just like knives.
Maybe I just like
to draw pictures of knives.
It doesn't mean I'm gonna do anything...
to my algebra teacher.
- Do you...
- That's...
That's right, it doesn't mean that.
Mm-hmm.
And then, uh, my parents bought a dog.
And, uh, at first I thought it was cute,
and then they took it
on a Disney vacation...
Mm-hmm.
Without me.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Do my parents like my dog
more than they like me?
That's totally valid, Kev.
You're asking the right questions.
How about you, Kit?
Feel like you want to try sharing?
Mmm, no, thank you.
Please.
Kevin justshared
and he feels a lot better. Right, Kev?
Yeah.
So...
- Do you want me to tell the truth?
- Yeah, I mean...
Yeah.
What's... whatever is really
going on with you.
It's scary. Like, you know,
the canoing was scary, but...
- Mm-hmm.
- After that, just let it flow.
- Yeah, let it go.
- Let it go.
Okay.
Growing up, I never had a pet.
- That's bullshit!
- Totally valid, Spencer.
But it's... it's Kit's share.
And there's only so much time you can
spend talking to your stuffed animals
before you start to want more.
To want love.
But not the regular kind of love
that fades, or changes, or goes away.
That special kind of love.
Unconditional love.
I'm a grown-up now.
And I've made a decision.
Okay.
I'm getting a unicorn.
What?
What? Uh...
I'm getting a pet unicorn.
I guess it's not really a pet,
because unicorns are independent creatures
full of mystery and wonder,
but I'm getting a unicorn friend.
Oh, hell no.
Gene?
Um, Kit...
I don't want you to worry about this,
because this is nothing that you're gonna
have to handle or take care of.
I'm gonna gonna take care of everything.
The unicorn is gonna live quietly
in the backyard with me.
- Quietly?
- Yeah, well...
Gosh, I don't know
if it's really totally quiet.
I didn't really think that much about it
because I'm just really excited.
You both know how much I have wanted this
my entire life,
and it's finally happening, and...
and now that this dream is coming true,
it just makes me think...
what else can happen?
Wow.
Okay, you know, um...
- Maybe...
- Guys, let's...
- Let's take a little moment.
- Yeah.
- Let this all...
- Just...
- You want a family meeting?
- Just a quick one, maybe.
Maybe we'll have a family meeting.
Just, uh, hang in there, guys.
Sit in your truth. Sit in your truth.
Come here.
Honey, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
I'm not doing anything.
I specifically came here
to work on our loving family energies.
Kit, do you think
this is some kind of joke?
No, I don't.
I know that you think
that I'm joking, but...
I really am getting a unicorn,
and I'm gonna love it, and it's gonna be
my best friend in the whole world.
Do you want a best friend?
I will be your best friend.
I don't want you to be my best friend.
This whole thing just sounds a lot weirder
than it actually is.
- Want me to be your best friend?
- No.
- Okay.
- This is...
- This is insane!
- Honey.
This is why I never talk to you
about anything.
There's no need to yell.
Yelling is... is not
an effective way to communicate.
And listen.
We thought you might finally
make a friendship with a person.
We did not know
that we ruined your childhood.
Do you want a puppy?
Should we just get you a puppy?
You know that every one of those kids
was lying?
You sat there so patiently and listened
to all of their stories.
You were falling for every single one
of them. I am your daughter.
- Falling?
- I am telling you the truth.
You know, I'm not mad at you.
I know that I'm just a disappointment.
You are not a disappointment.
You think
you're a disappointment?
Yes. To you, I am a disappointment,
because you're always like,
"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"Why don't you eat more vegetables?"
"Why aren't you more like Kevin?"
- Someone call me?
- No!
No, Kev.
We don't want you to be
more like Kevin, all right?
That is not the goal.
We just want you to be happy.
You gotta hand it to Kevin.
He's in the game. He's trying.
- Gene, no, don't go there.
- He's keeping himself busy...
Dad, I am keeping myself just as busy
as Kevin is.
I have a vacuum presentation
that I should be working on right now,
but instead, I've been here with you.
Well, I am sorry
we are not your dream parents.
Okay, honey.
- That's...
- Mom.
Kit.
We know that these kids
are making this stuff up.
You do?
Yeah.
It takes a while and...
sometimes it's...
it's easier than the truth.
Can you understand that?
Mm-hmm.
You know, Britney's father died
of an overdose,
and Karen was abused by a neighbor.
All of these kids, they've got
a pretty sad story
and a pretty good reason
for hiding from who they really are.
Do you?
Oop...
Oh, hello.
Sabrina?
Hey.
I'm good.
I know what I want to do tomorrow.
How much glitter do you have?
Ooh.
You are really late.
Did you bring everything?
I have all the confetti...
Why are you in a costume?
Oh. These are just my clothes.
They're really cool.
- You got this.
- No, you got this!
We got this.
I gotta take this.
Hello?
How did it go
with your family? Was there hugging?
Uh, there was a Truth Circle.
But you worked it out,
right? 'Cause we have your unicorn!
Oh, my God. Is she there? Where is she?
Oh, not quite yet.
I'm waiting on a 397.
What is that?Is that important?
You do not want
this unicorn entering the country
without a 397.
Now, I'll call you when it gets here.
Then, you come right over.
I will.
This is the happiest day of my life!
So, things are good with your parents?
Yes. Well, I mean, they will be.
They're gonna be really proud
when I get this promotion.
Okay, then.
Don't mess it up.
I won't.
- You ready?
- Yes.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
Show time. Let's go.
And so, in conclusion,
I give, to all of America, Mystic Vac.
Cleaning never looked so good.
What woman wouldn't want
to look like this?
Excellent job, Matt, Aaron.
I love the model.
She's sexy, she's aspirational.
Maybe one day I can look like that
when I vacuum.
You can dream.
I mean, she's really got it all.
- She has the baby but she's also cleaning.
- Hello!
- And she...
- Hi.
- And she's...
- Oh.
- Sorry we're late.
- Hello. What is this?
Are we seeing another presentation?
This is, uh, Kit, our temp for now,
but maybe in the future...
I didn't realize you'd have
something ready.
But you told me to.
I'm intrigued, Gary. I mean...
Look at her clothes.
Well, if you really want to hear it...
- Let's hear it.
- Lights!
Mystic, mystic, vac, vac.
Mystic, mystic, vac, vac.
Mystic Vac!
It's in the name,
and whoops, it's all over the floor.
We can clean up all this glitter
in the colors of our choice...
in pink, blue, and multi-color.
Look at them magically vacuum away.
Are these fairies cleaning your house,
or just regular people?
Behold the whimsical land
where Mystic Vac vacuums surely are born.
In your mystical...
magical...
dreams!
Aah!
Woo! Yeah!
The end!
Any questions?
Why are you wearing the vacuum?
Oh. It's an invention I came up with.
They're called backpacks.
Does itread a little childish?
Uh, the whole magical rainbow-ness
of it all?
Hmm.
Well, every person alive has a dream.
Everybody needs some magic in their lives,
even if they're all grown up.
So, there wouldn't be a sexy woman
vacuuming a house.
As I mentioned, Angie,
Kit's just a temp, so...
Well, this is not a vacuum for your house.
This is a vacuum for your soul.
Look around you!
I see my problems,
and they're all over the floor.
And a little bit on your conference table.
But I-I really wish that I could
just vacuum them up, you know?
Especially with a vacuumthat has
30% more power than the leading brand.
So, imagine that these are my problems,
this is my career and my... my parents,
um...
and... and, uh...
and...
Sabrina?
What would you like to vacuum up
in a vacuum that is powerful
and also attractive?
Uh...
Just... I'll say my parents, too.
Um...
Actually...
Um...
I'll say fear.
Because I've always had a dream
where I could open my own Etsy shop,
and I would make jewelry
shaped like little food.
Right? Um...
I'm just really scared, so...
Fear.
Yep. Yep.
Okay, um...
I wish I could vacuum up all the haters.
You know, because a lot of people think
that I'm not smart
because I'm a delivery guy
and 'cause I'm kind of hot, but...
I do crosswords, y'all.
And I read books, so...
Yeah, that's good.
See?
We're all just looking for happiness.
And maybe, if we're lucky,
we can just buy it in a store.
So, what do you think?
I'm really liking the sexy ladyvacuuming.
- You gotta go with the sexy lady.
- I'm just worried about all the rainbows.
In fact, I'm just realizing right now...
I-I-I might hate rainbows.
Oh, my God. Me too. Let's...
Let's just keep this really real
and grounded.
Wait, but you guys do realize that...
Sorry, rainbows are real.
So...
Gary, what about you?
Talk to me more...
about the lingerie.
So you quit or you were fired?
Mmm... it was a little bit of both.
- Oh, no.
- But it's okay.
Because I have other
more meaningful things in my life.
That...
- That's good.
- Mm-hmm.
I mean, who's Gary?
He's just like my professor.
It's these dudes that I just tiptoe around
because I think that they know
so many things.
They don't.
I know things.
And I have a secret, and it's really good.
Are you gonna tell me
what this secret is or what?
No.
Kit!
- I won't tell you.
- Come on. Tell me, please.
- No.
- Please.
No.
Why?
Because you're gonna freak out.
Why would I freak out?
I'm not gonna freak out.
It's not about you.It's about
the other people in this restaurant.
I just can't put that on them.
Are you gonna have to broadcast?
You can tell me. Tell me in a whisper.
You promise you're not gonna freak out?
I swear I will not freak out.
Okay.
What would you say...
if I told you...
that I'm getting a unicorn?
I would say you paid too much for a horse.
Okay.
Okay, but what if I said:
"No, Virgil,
I really am getting a unicorn."
I am!
It's gonna come live in the backyard
in that stable that you're building.
- Okay, what are you saying?
- Ta-da!
No, no, no. What are you saying?
What? I'm saying what I'm saying.
I'm saying that I'm getting a unicorn.
Hello?
This is exciting news.
Okay, I know what you're thinking.
Like, "Meh, unicorns aren't real."
But they are.
And they'll love you forever.
Forever.
Okay.
Um...
Where does this unicorn come from?
- The unicorn store.
- Oh, good. Of course.
I know.
I know. It's this really weird place
with this really weird guy,
and I was skeptical too.
- You guys ready to order?
- I'm sorry. Not even close.
Um...
What weird guy?
The unicorn salesman. He's the one
that gets all the unicorns.
Kit.
What?
Don't be scared.
I wasn't before you said that.
Is something wrong?
This isn't right.
- There are no buttons.
- I know.
Just wait.
You have the right floor?
Yes.
But no.
This isn't it?
No.
No, something's not right, because...
I promise you, I'm not a crazy person.
It was here!
- Oh, yeah, I believe you.
- You do?
Sure. Some shady guy tricked you,
took your money, and skippedtown.
But I didn't give him any money.I just
had to prove that I deserved a unicorn.
Prove it? How? What did you have to do?
Are we in the right building?
This just isn't right.
- What did you have to do, Kit?
- Nothing. Nothing.
I had to just build a stable,
prove that I was financially capable.
You gave a stranger financial information?
No! It's not like that.
Look, you were conned. This guy is trying
to steal your identity or something.
By building an entire unicorn store?
You should've seen this place.
There was an ice cream parlor,
and there was this like
giant screen right here,
and there was a recreational lounge.
What?
If I got a girl,
I was gonna name her Zoe.
Or Beyonc.
Those are good names, Kit.
I'm so stupid.
No, no.
You're not. Look, if this guy
has your information,
let's just call the police.
So you don't believe
that I'm getting a unicorn.
I believe that they made you believe.
Look, you don't have to be embarrassed.
He tricked you.
No. I didn't qualify.
I didn't qualify
because I fought with my parents.
We didn't totally make up,
and now, oh, my God,
they're gonna give the unicorn
to somebody else.
- You think this is about your parents?
- I don't know. I don't know what I think.
I think that there's something wrong
with my brain.
Your brain is fine.
Oh, I'm glad that you think so,
but whatever you were doing
out of pity-slash-obligation,
it's obviously over.
Pity slash obligation? Jesus, Kit.
Give me some credit here.
Did you ever think
that maybe I actually like you?
- No, you're confused.
- You're confused.
Of course I'm confused.
I thought that I was getting
a real live unicorn.
Okay, come on, Kit, I like you,
let me help you figure this out, please?
No... you don't like me.
You don't like anything,
so you're off the hook. Okay?
You don't get to decide
when I'm off the hook.
I decide what I'm off the hook!
Bye, Virgil.
Sweetie.
Okay. All right, okay.
All right.
Come... come sit down, honey.
Are you cleaning up?
Growing up.
I think I understand
why I don't have a boyfriend.
Well, I got you a s'more.
Well, it might not be a s'more anymore,
but it was a s'more.
Kevin made it.
- I don't want something that Kevin made.
- Okay, well...
Listen, you missed something
I really think you would have liked.
What?
He fell in the river.
Kevin fell in the river
with his life vest on.
- No!
- Yes.
- He did?
- Oh, yes.
And he... he screamed like a little child.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
I would have liked to see that.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm. See, I-I know some things
about my daughter.
I went on a date.
Oh!
Mm-hmm.
The carpenter?
Yeah.
But he doesn't think that he's one.
Hmm.
Well, are you gonna go out again?
I don't think so.
I had one of my...
world-famous temper tantrums.
Uh-huh.
So I-I don't think he's going to want
to see me anymore.
Well, that can't be true.
Look how beautiful you are.
Mom!
All right. I just want to say one thing,
and...
you know...
you can just roll your eyes
at my Emotion Quest bullshit.
- No! No!
- I know.
- Listen.
- No, Mom.
I just want to tell you one thing.
And it's something we tell the kids
all the time. Okay?
The most grown-up thing you can do
is fail at things you really care about.
Really? Because I'm really good
at messing things up.
See?
You're a grown-up.
And I love you.
- I love you too.
- Mm-hmm.
And you're gonna be just fine.
You know that?
You have the most important thing
in the whole world right... right here.
Al right, I'm gonna get you some tea.
How about tea, right?
- Yes.
- With a little honey?
- Yes.
- Okay.
Wait, did you just...
Did you just put thoseup?
What?
The...
No. Those have been there for months.
Hi, it's Virgil.
Leave a message.
Hey, Virgil.
It's me again.
I know that I screwed up.
I usually just get in fights
with my Care Bears,
and I don't really have toworry
about their feelings.
Um...
But you're not a Care Bear.
So, just...
I'm sorry.
Again.
Okay, bye.
Stop judging me.
Hey.
Ta-da.
Virgil!
Whoa.
Did you do all of this?
Well, I mean, you did.
I just took it out of the trash
and hung it up.
Your parents helped.
My parents?
Yeah.
I made that.
I made that in my first art class.
I made that one as a kid.
It's a two-horned flying unicorn.
It's my own creation.
Oh, now I see it.
And these are my curtains.
This is incredible.
It's an art show of my life.
Well...
If you were a building,
this is what you'd look like.
That is the nicest thing
a man has ever said to me.
Well...
You made me make this.
And now I can use
a sliding compound miter saw.
Not so bad. Not bad.
Did you quit your job
at the hardware store?
I went by there yesterday.
Oh, no, um...
I transferred to another store
where my extensive saw knowledge
has granted me the coveted position
of assistant store manager.
Virgil!
- Hey!
- Look at you!
- "Virgil."
- Congratulations.
Thank you.
- I guess we should celebrate.
- Yeah, we've gotta celebrate!
- Should we bring chips in here?
- Uh, that sounds good.
- Bugles?
- Yeah, why not?
- Pizza?
- Pizza.
Absolutely.
Oh.
Um...
It's him.
Hello?
Your unicorn is here!
Are you kidding me?
Where were you? I went to the store
and you were gone. Everything was gone.
- Is that the guy? Give me the phone.
- The store is not for him, Kit.
So he's not gonna see it
if he doesn't believe it.
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Either you're real or you're not.
Do you want the unicorn?
I got a lady on the waiting list.
Um...
I-I don't believe you anymore.
I don't care!
I need an answer.
Really?
You promise that it's there? Um...
Kit, Kit, what are you doing?
Hang up the phone.
- Are you coming or not?
- Um...
Fine.
- Good.
- I'll be there.
Please just don't give it away
before I get there.
- Kit!
- Okay, bye.
- Are you kidding me?
- I know! I know! I know!
I'm stupid, but he says
that the unicorn is there,
it's ready for me.
The unicorn is ready?
Kit, this guy could be dangerous.
But he says that there's another woman
who wants it, too.
And that he's gonna give it to her.
- Kit!
- He's lying, right?
- He's probably lying.
- Yes, he is.
But... I just don't know.
It's really...
I'm confused, and...
I don't want to wonder my whole life.
What happened here?
Oh, hello. It's, um...
We're packing up. Time to relocate.
Kit, he's waiting for you.
He's in there?
Yes! Right through there. Go.
Okay, but what do I say?
Figure it out.
Hi, unicorn.
Mr. Unicorn, I think. Are you a boy?
Oh, wow, you are a lot bigger
than I thought.
Hi.
I'm Kit.
I used to dream about you.
Did you know that?
I thought that a unicorn
lived in my closet, but...
I'm starting to realize
that that doesn't make any sense.
You were my best friend
for a really long time.
I called you Steve.
Steve, the Unicorn.
You would play checkers with me
when no one else would.
You used to push the piece with your horn,
and there was one time you got so mad
that you lost that you...
stabbed a hole in the board.
We just laughed and laughed, 'cause...
Because that's really funny.
I made you a tiny hat.
Oh, thank you.
Is it okay that I'm hugging you?
Thank you.
Thank you forever.
I'm okay now.
The Salesman says that there's a lady
who needs you more than me.
So you're gonna be her friend.
You're gonna be her best friend.
And you're gonna play checkers with her
whenever she wants.
And don't let her go searching for people
that can't see who she really is.
You are gonna be there for her.
You're gonna listen to her secrets.
And she's gonna listen to yours.
You're gonna love her...
exactly how she is.
Even when she thinks that there is nobody
who could love her in the whole world.
Bye-bye.
Did you really ride up here
in the elevator?
Is this the right place?
I found this letter on my desk.
Made a wish when we were young
Holy shit.
Chasing after our desires
I know.
Nothing at all would do
For a girl like you
For a girl like you
Trying to fill this world with wonder
Wind and water, earth and fire
There's all this magic too
For a girl like you
For a girl like you
Wishes do come true
For a girl like you
Yeah, a girl like you
Follow you heart
It only tells the truth
Ask you to start
That's all you have to do
Only you
Only you
Hold the world and make it move
Only you
Only you
You
Some get trapped inside their bottles
Some stay wrapped in their cocoons
But waiting there won't do
For a girl like you
For a girl like you
Because you want the light above you
Day and night, and sun and moon
Wish on your bright star soon
It could all come true
For a girl like you
Make it all will do
For a girl like you
For a girl like you
You're on that peak
So come take in the view
Watch with your heart
That's all you have to do
Only you
Only you
Hold the world and make it move
Only you
Only you
You
You
Hold the world and make it move
You
Hold the world and make it move
You
Hold the world and make it move
You
Hold the world and make it move
I stay up into the night
With an eye to the sky
Looking up at the ceiling
And I can't fight this feeling
You take me all the way there
Flying us in on a wing and a prayer
And once we were worlds apart
Hey, that's just how it starts
You take me all the way there
All the way
And once we were worlds apart
Hey, that's just how it starts
You take me all the way there
All the way
You take me all the way
You take me all the way
All the way
You take me all the way
You take me all the way
All the way
You take me all the way
You take me all the way
You take me all the way there
All the way
You take me all the way
You take me all the way
All the way
- Come on.
- Okay, baby.
Baby.
What are those?
Paint.
What'd you get, Kit?
A unicorn.
A pony and a unicorn.
And what do you and Steve
like to do?
Um... we paint,
and we go outside and play.
Really nice, sweetie.
It's the one that I've been wanting!
It's the magic one.
You take me all the way there
- You're starting off good.
- That's amazing!
Home again!
I'm going to my room.
Uh, about that...
Um...
How do you like the new gym?
Right, I'm ready to go.
I just got to get my...
Is she okay?
Huh.
All right, well, we're going to work.
Yeah, I'm excited. It's, uh...
We have this new ropes course. Woo.
Boy, these kids, it makes them dig deep.
Yeah, it's really, really high up...
- in the...
- The...
The gangster children.
Gangster. That's...
Gangster children,
they they just cry.
- It's cathartic.
- Mm-hmm.
- So...
- You want to come with us?
- We're gonna paint our dreams.
- People don't like it when I do that.
- Now, honey. Hang on.
- Explain it.
- No, that's different.
- That's...
Anyway, um... have a good day.
A good day.
Yard sale wars!
All these paintings you did in school,
they won't sell.
Just throw 'em away.
I just can't take
any more rejection!
Ladies, period got you down?
Stuck on the sidelines
while life passes you by?
Time to get yourself back in the game.
Time to punch out your period.
Depression can make you feel
deeply unloved,
like no one understands you.
Despondica can help.
I had been kicked out of school
and was living in my parents' basement.
Basically, I had failed
at all of my life's pursuits,
and there I was, sitting on my couch,
flipping through the channels,
trying to figure out
what I was gonna do with my life,
and then I found Temporary Success.
Are you tired
of feeling like a failure?
Success is all around you.
Temp agencies have hundreds of jobs
in a wide variety of qualifications.
You only need to take
a simple typing test.
It only takes five minutes.
What are you waiting for?
Achieve your temporary success today.
'Cause you don't want to be
a great disappointment, do you?
Home again!
Honey!
Honey, do you remember Kevin?
Kevin from down the street?
- Dad!
- He's back in town, sweetie.
He's got an apartment right by the mall,
and he has a beautiful head of hair.
He's a good-looking kid.
- That's him, isn't it?
- Yes.
It is, I bet.
- It is.
- Kevin!
Oh, my God!
You brought dinner!
Oh, what a surprise!
Wow, Kit, you look just the same.
Honey, you remember Kevin.
- And guess where he's working.
- Guess.
I wouldn't know.
- Emotion Quest!
- Emotion Quest!
Yep.
I'm a youth counselor there
as of two weeks ago,
thanks to Gene and Gladys here hiring me.
Mm-hmm.
- Honestly, thank you for changing my life.
- Oh. Oh.
Oh, Kevin.
Hey, Kevin.
- Thank you.
- No, no, thank you.
All right, well, um,
we'll just go get some pita chips,
and you guys reminisce.
- Oh, yeah.
- Go on, go.
- You have a lot to catch up on.
- Yeah.
- Go on. Come on, honey.
- Sorry, she's insane.
- I heard that!
- Hey, remember, uh...
Remember when you wore that golden crown
when you were a kid?
You were pretty cute.
Yeah, right.
You were!
Come on.
Yeah?
Well, you were kind of...
Hey, take a look at this.
Lisa.
She works in medical billing.
Pretty nice, huh?
So what's your plan
now that you've been kicked out school?
I mean, I think it's great
that she had the opportunity
to explore the arts.
It's a privilege,
and, you know, now that's over,
- and we're moving on to the next chapter.
- Mm-hmm.
- Am I right?
- That's right. It is.
How about you, Kit?
Kit?
Huh? I didn't hear you.
Kit, you are being weird on purpose.
You know, ever since you guys
turned me onto this kale,
I can't get enough.
Well, you can have as much as you want,
because Kit will not touch this stuff.
- Well, no.
- Kit.
Why don't you guys just adopt Kevin?
- Kit!
- What?
Huh? Then you don't have to be
embarrassed at allby my failures.
- No one is calling you a failure.
- Honey, we're...
We're just trying to help you.
Honestly, Kit, truth be told,
everything I've achieved
is super attainable.
You absolutely should not feel
like you're living in my shadow.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I mean, Kevin hasn't even
gone to college.
Yeah, I'm just keeping busy.
- Mm-hmm.
- I have a plan, okay?
Temp agencies.
They have hundreds of jobs
in a wide variety of qualifications.
All you need to do
is a simple typing test.
Just give me five minutes.
Kit, you're... you're tracking glitter
on the floor.
Hey.
You guys still like me, right?
They would, too,
if I was Kevin the perfect.
Someone with a job,
someone who likes kale,
even though it's disgusting.
Here...
Let me help you with that.
- Mmm, so delicious.
- Hmm.
Hello, parents.
- Is that my old suit?
- Mm-hmm. I hope you don't mind.
I wanted to look polished and professional
on my first day.
First day of what?
Of the rest of my life.
As I mentioned some time before,
I've signed up with a temporary agency
and I've taken a temporary position
at a public relations firm.
- Public relations!
- Relations.
- Oh, my...
- Wow.
- Sweetie!
- Wow!
That's wonderful!
Do you want, uh, some breakfast?
Can I get you a pop-tart?
Oh, please. Rest your feet.
I will be making a breakfast for myself
consisting of grapefruits, and flax seeds,
and... and coffee.
Well, you don't like coffee.
No, that was just old Kit,
and she didn't try hard enough
to like things that are disgusting.
But new Kit has achievable life goals,
and she'll be working very hard
to achieve said goals.
I'll probably be working very long hours
from now on,
because as I've learned
from the television set,
success is all around me.
- It's a breakthrough.
- It's wonderful.
This is wonderful.
It is.
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'll be on my way.
If either of you are out for the day,
if you could please pick up
some legal pads, highlighters.
I'll probably be using a lot of them
from now on.
Good day.
Good day.
- Oh.
- Hi.
- You must be Kit.
- I am.
- Great. Follow me.
- Okay.
- Oh, sorry.
- You can go that way, or this way.
Okay, great.
Okay, first question.
Do you know what magazines are?
- Yes.
- Great.
Do you know how to push a button
on a copier that says "copy"?
- Uh, yes.
- All right, great.
And do you think that you could
put the magazines inside the copier
before you press the button
that says "copy"?
- Yes.
- Great.
Then, well, you're ready to fly.
Um, one of these is yours.
Oh.
Hey, Bob, there's one in my cubicle.
I'll grab it for you, okay?
All right, well,
we'll just try the screen on...
Hmm.
Oh.
Do you need to use the copy machine?
No, no, go ahead.
You look like you really know
what you're doing there.
Yeah, it's complex work, but I trained
extensively for a whole five minutes.
Do you think you could do this one for me?
Sure.
Which part?
See this article
on learning to love again?
- Mm-hmm.
- I want the recipe underneath it.
Lemon pound cake.
I really like pound cake.
Yeah. Cake is good.
- You think so?
- Mm-hmm.
We like the same things.
I'm Gary.
Vice President...
of the company, not the United States.
Though, maybe someday. Ha-ha.
- What's your name?
- Kit.
Today is my first day.
Ooh. Welcome.
Did you Google my name
before you came here today?
No.
But I will.
Because a lot of people with my samename
have done terrible things.
But this Gary's record is clean.
I'll tell Crystal that we're doing lunch?
So... how was everybody's day?
Well, I mean, mine was great. Awesome.
Mm-hmm.
How about... how about you, Kit?
Pretty good.
- Yeah?
- Yeah?
Mm-hmm.
Did you meet some new people
or make some friends?
I think so.
Uh, this Vice President guy
wants to have lunch with me.
Vice President?
- VP, day one.
- Oh, my gosh.
That's awesome.
And you like what you're doing?
Yeah. Everybody just, um,
wears office clothes,
drinks coffee,
types stuff.
Wow! Well...
- I mean, we knew you could do it.
- Oh, yeah.
That was not a question.
I just do what everybody else is doing.
I love doing
what everybody else is doing.
- You're so good at it.
- That's what a team is. Right?
That's what we tell the kids
at Emotion Quest.
Look at this. What is that?
Two people doing the same thing.
Holding hands.
- Two people, one thing. Powerful.
- That's right, Gene.
I'm so glad
you're having this experience.
Me too.
Me too.
I haven't had a date
in like three weeks.
Are you still using
that super sad profile picture?
It's not sad.
It's like a neutral expression.
Okay, but guys don't want
super sad girlfriends.
They want happy girlfriends,
who smile, like this.
Are you making fun of me?
Oh, no, I'm just listening.
And who are you?
I'm Kit.
You're Kit.
I'm Crystal.
Gary's assistant.
Hey, Kit. Looking good.
Got a letter for you.
Holy shit. Brock wants you.
Hilarious, because they don't
even know each other, right?
You've worked here for what,
like, two seconds?
Get ready.
Get ready for what?
Um... did you guys get one of these?
I don't know, but if that is a party,
I better get one.
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
- Beautiful.
- Hmm?
The sound of a copy machine.
Oh, yeah, it's like...
the seashore in here.
You're funny.
Like that Seinfeld.
When did I hire you?
You didn't. I'm just a temp.
I have a kind of personal question
for you.
I'd love to answer it.
Okay.
Did you always know
that this was what you wanted to do,
or did you want to do another thing first?
Like, what?
Like, did I dream of figure skating,
but my parents wouldn't pay
for the lessons?
Sure.
Why not wish we could fly? We can't,
so we focus on what we can do.
Which is what?
Creating the artwork
for the new Mystic Vac Vacuum.
Oh. What makes it mystical?
What, indeed.
You know, I was in a classwhere we had
to do fake ads for McDonalds and Ikea,
and I came with McSalsa and chips.
See, that's already
ten times more interesting
than anything I've heardtoday.
There is zero creativity in this company
and it is killing me.
Can I see your portfolio?
What? No. Uh, it's from school.
Bring it in.
You don't want to be a temp forever,
do you?
No, I guess I don't.
Kit, what are you still doing here?
Do you know about a place
called The Store?
Ooh, is it like a cool pop-up?
Because I never go anywhere fun.
- I don't know what it is.
- Oh.
Okay. Well, I should go because
there's a new Dateline on tonight
about professional single women
getting murdered,
and I should probably watch that.
Yeah. Uh, I'm just gonna
go get office supplies.
Okay. I'll see you tomorrow.
Oh, come on.
You take me all the way there
Flying us in on a wing and a prayer
- Don't touch that.
- Ah! Whoa!
Just kidding.
Come in.
Come in!
You want a diet Coke?
You like those, right?
What is this place?
Who are you?
You have come to The Store, Kit.
And I am The Salesman.
What's The Store?
- How do you know my name?
- You're here.
- But I could be anybody.
- No, you can't.
We only invited you.
How do you know where I work?
And also, are you gonna murder me?
Murder?
Kit!
This is a legitimate place of business.
And the opposite of murder.
What kind of business?
We sell what you want.
What you need.
Which is what?
Oh, you think you don't know,
but you totally know. I know.
- You do?
- Isn't it obvious?
No.
- Isn't it?
- No, it's not. No.
Think about it.
Unicorns?
Unicorns.
Behold!
Oh, Kit!
Don't you want to just jump
into that screen
and hug the shit out of your veryown
precious pink unicorn?
Braid its hair?
Sing it songs?
Bake it cookies?
Yes.
But unicorns aren't real.
As a person who works in a unicorn store,
I take great offense in that.
Just allow me to show you around,
and then you decide, okay?
This is our Recreation Area,
with pillows and ottomans,
sugar cubes,
and wi-fi.
This is where we bring them
when they first arrive.
Do they ride up the elevator?
When the unicorns arrive, they can be
a little dingy from the various forests,
you know, covered in leaves,
and berries, and shit,
so we wash them off,
brush their hair, and shiny them up a bit.
- Where are the unicorns now?
- Oh...
They don't arrive here until you're ready.
And here...
we have our fine dining establishment,
or Hay-staurant, as we like to call it.
It doesn't smell like hay.
I know.
The unicorns, they don't like that.
And this is the ice cream parlor.
Unicorns eat ice cream?
Of course not, Kit, but I do.
Look, Kit.
I think you're smart enough to see
what's happening here.
See the truth.
Ah.
Behold!
The magic hair...
of a unicorn long gone.
Feel it.
It feels electric.
- It feels like...
- Happiness.
A unicorn will love you forever, Kit.
Forever.
Forever.
I don't like this.
This isn't real, and I'm...
I'm a business lady now.
- Where are you going?
- I'm gonna buy graph paper!
Graph paper can't love you back.
We sell what you want.
What you need.
Can I help you?
Maybe.
Let me ask you this.
It's not about office supplies.
I have a girlfriend.
What? No, that's not what I was gonna ask.
Um...
I just saw something
that I don't believe to be true.
But now it seems like it could be true,
and it would be...
really good if it was.
Like Jesus?
No. Or... or... yeah.
Yeah. Because people do think
that they really see Jesus, right?
And then other people say
that they're nuts
because Jesus isn't just
walking around on this earth,
but the people who do believe it
really do,
and who are we to say what's real
or not real
in the mind of the true believer?
What was the question again?
I guess it's...
How do you know
that they'll love you forever?
It's what they're born to do.
It is the best thing in the world.
I want to see one up close.
And you will.
But first there are...
certain requirements.
Requirements?
Bringing a unicorn here is not an easy
or inexpensive endeavor.
You have to be the right sort of girl.
Huh.
The right sort of girl.
Okay.
This is crazy.
Okay.
What kinds of things would I have to do?
Requirement one.
Build a homeworthy of a unicorn.
Understand, Kit Kat,
if I have one brought here,
I have to know that you're for real.
But I think you and your unicorn
could have a great future.
If you want it.
When I was a kid,
I asked my parents for a unicorn.
A real one, not pretend.
And it would be so filled
with love and magic
that we wouldn't need anything else.
It was the only thing I ever wanted.
I know.
"Unicorn ownership is both a rewarding
and serious undertaking.
In order to ensure the safety
and happiness of said magical creature,
you must first build a home
worthy of your unicorn."
Unicorn.
- Uh, excuse me, sir.
- Yeah.
I'm in the market for some lumber.
What are you building?
Mmm, it's like your basic
sort of structure for a horse,
but smaller than a horse.
Do you have dimensions
for this horse?
I don't.
- But it's like...
- Virgil, come in.
You know,
I can't help you right now, lady.
Like that tall.
But, um, you need to talk to Virgil.
He can help you right out, okay?
- Okay.
- Damn it, Virgil, what's your 20?
- You looking for something?
- Oh, sorry.
Are you Virgil?
I was told by that guy
with the walkie-talkie
in the lumber section
to talk to a guy named Virgil.
Yeah. Is there a problem?
Oh, no. Sorry. Um...
He just said that you might help me
with some workI need done on my house.
Well, I sweep floors and count inventory.
Is that what you need done at your house?
Need me to count some stuff?
Huh, you don't really look like a Virgil.
Okay.
What do I look like?
I don't know. It's just, when he said
the name Virgil, I was sort of relieved,
because that name doesn't really sound
like a hardware store guy type name,
and, like, Virgil seems like someone
I can relate to, like...
like Virgil was an outcast in school,
like me.
Wow.
But you don't seem like that.
That's my point.
Like, you look like
you could be named Jack or... Fox.
- Fox?
- Yeah. Sorry. These are compliments.
Okay. Well, look.
Um, I don't really go out on field jobs.
The store doesn't send me out.
- So I think you're better off with Joel.
- Oh, but Joel can't do it.
- Why not?
- Or...
he just doesn't want to do it, I think.
Please!
He said that you might take it
on the side. Wink, wink.
I don't know why Joel
would say that or why he would wink.
Joel hates me.
No. No, no. I think that he really does
believe in your skills and talents,
just secretly.
Um, I think he secretly is hoping
that I'll die
in a terrible power tool accident.
So maybe you'll do it?
Maybe I'll think about it. What's the job?
- Oh, hey.
- Hey.
You bring something to show me?
But more important than that...
how are you?
I'm good. I'm good.
I brought my portfolio to show you.
Ah.
And I see you're taking a crack
at the cursed vacuums.
I am.
So, at first I started working on it,
like, making them kind of like
cartoon Pokemons,
and... and that was really cute,
but it's not professional,
so I did this now,
uh, and it's on graph paper.
- I like that.
- Mm-hmm.
- I like that.
- Mm-hmm.
Is your shampoo coconut?
Yes.
I'm saving up for an island.
You know, small, someplace remote.
Plenty of sand.
What are your, uh, long-term goals?
Uh, I would like to not be
a great disappointment.
But...
like, part-time or full-time?
Which...
- Let's get back to these vacuums, okay?
- Okay.
See what you can do.
Hey, you need a bigger space.
I think you could have
a really great future here, Kit,
if you want it.
I need to find anything
that you might have on unicorns.
Um, specifically information
on their habitats,
and expenses, and maintenance.
There are a few texts
on the mythology of unicorns.
- Okay, yeah, I'll take all of those.
- Okay.
- Kit, is someone at the door?
- No.
- Sweetie?
- Hi. Come on in.
- We're going to be going this way.
- Kit! We're in the gym.
- Okay. Okay.
- Whoa.
Just down here.
Sorry.
It's just, if my mom sees you,
she'll think that you're my boyfriend
- and invite you to Christmas.
- Oh, I'm not coming to Christmas.
No, I know.
Oh.
- Who did all this?
- Don't look at these.
- These are my artistic failures.
- According to who?
Uh, Professor Jonathan Scott.
I took his class.
He's extremely prolific in the art world.
"Stick in a box."
Yeah, sounds like an idiot.
No, he's not an idiot.
He's the first artist
to put a stick in a box.
Very cutting-edge at the time.
So this is the space.
Okay, so what do you want done?
You want a ceiling fan?
Dressers, bookshelves?
No, I'm thinking of something better.
Like a stable.
A horse stable?
Yeah, but for something like a horse...
Smaller than a horse, like a pony.
- A pony?
- Mm-hmm.
But better than a pony.
Okay.
Um...
You know, I don't think a pony
wants to live in your basement.
That's a good point.
I don't even want to live here.
Well, I guess you have enough room
for a... stable out here.
Mmm. Okay. Great.
Is there a way for you to do it tomorrow?
- No.
- Why?
It's just your straight,
you know, garden variety,
- you know, generic brand horse stable.
- Uh, can't do it.
- Sure you can.
- Well, I can't.
And, you know, it's a little sexist
that you think so.
Not every man who walks the Earth
knows how to build amazing things
- with his bare hands, okay?
- Okay. It's...
I get your point, but it's not sexist.
It's just, you work at a hardware store.
You guys can do anything.
Wow, that's really cute.
Well, how about... Okay.
How about we use this?
How about we use my, um...
Okay, the doorknob thing
was a little dramatic, but...
Yeah.
There's tons of stuff out of this
that we could use, right?
Is that your playhouse?
Yeah, it was.
My dad built it for me when I was a kid.
What do you think?
Uh, that... that seems like
a fundamentally bad idea.
- Okay, so it's 50% rotted, that's true.
- Mm-hmm.
But we could use some of the wood.
And build a new thing out of this.
- Just like that.
- Mm-hmm.
Please?
You don't even know me.
But I know you have a tape measure.
Okay.
Yes, we're doing it!
Okay.
Whoa! All right, is that okay?
Yeah.
- All right.
- You do it.
Sure. Okay. Um...
Go, go, go!
Yeah!
- Yeah.
- We'll just use a hammer.
So, I'm building a stable
in my backyard.
Well, actually, I hired a manto do it
and it's gonna be awesome.
So what's next?
When do I get to meet the unicorn?
Behold!
Oh, my God!
The magical horn
of a unicorn long gone.
Touch it.
Pick it up.
Oh, it's so heavy!
That's because it's full oflove.
Oh, no, not really.
They're all just really heavy.
So, what happened to him?
What happens to any of us
that doesn't learn to love another thing?
Oh, Kit.
It is so wonderful...
that you're taking in a unicorn.
Hmm.
Now that you've built this foundation,
we need to start thinking
about your long-term goals.
How to feed your unicorn in body and mind.
And proof of financial responsibility
and some other forms speculating on...
Oh, my God. Look at the time.
You're gonna be late for work!
Go. Go, go, go, go, go, go.
Get out there and show us what you can do.
I will!
Oh, where have you been?
Crystal keeps asking me where you are.
I just went to Whole Foods
to pick up some hay,
but they didn't have it,
so the trip was pointless.
What do you need hay for? Oh, wait,
are you doing like a cool diet thing?
Because let me tell you this. I tried
the 30-day fiber fun diet for seven days.
It did not do anything
and I did not have any fun.
Hey.
Uh, step into my office.
I'd love to speak with you for a minute.
Is it personal?
I can clear up my schedule.
Beautiful.
Gary, I have been thinking a lot
about my long-term goals.
I don't want to be a temp forever.
I want to be full-time, maybe.
I want to show you what I can do.
I would like to see what that looks like.
You would?
Let's have you meetwith the whole
Mystic Vac team next Monday.
Show us what you're thinking. Yeah?
Oh. Like, the whole team? Like...
Like a presentation? Okay.
- Don't be afraid, Kit.
- I'm not.
I'm just kind of like busy.
There's a superstar deep, deep,
deep inside you there, somewhere.
We just need to take all these layers off
and let her out of there.
Does she want to come out of there?
- Yeah, I think that she does.
- She totally does!
Yeah.
She totally does.
I can't believe
that you built real walls!
- Calm down.
- You built real walls!
Well, I watched YouTube videos
on making real walls.
- Well, I think it's working.
- Ah...
I keep looking at 'em to make sure they're
not gonna fall down, and they haven't yet.
Kit, dinner's ready!
I'll order pizza!
Oh!
Sorry, that's my mom.
She's just... super annoying.
She's super annoying
'cause she wants to make you dinner?
Oh, sorry.
What, Mom? What? I'm busy.
I'm doing something.
What are you guys doing out there?
Come in, have some quinoa.
Uh...
Sorry, service is really bad. Bye.
- So.
- So?
Do your parents call you, like, every day?
No, they're dead.
- Oh, my God.
- No, I'm just kidding. No.
They're... they're still alive. But...
- So mean!
- Yeah, it's really bad.
Um... but...
I don't know.
I guess they're just busy
with their own lives.
So, what do you think about this wood?
Is it strong enough
to withstand something kind of...
like, sharp and pointystabbing it?
- Kit?
- Hmm.
Why are you building this?
It's a surprise.
Okay.
Okay, you know something...
You know what? I get paid either way.
Yeah.
Now, for the next step,
we're gonna put our siding
on our framed wall.
Wanna grab a screw, your drill
- Stop.
- What?
...and your wood.
Can I give you a little friendly advice
from one woman to another?
Okay. You just don't sound very friendly.
There is zero chance that Gary is going
to pick your presentation, okay?
You're not gonna save the day
with your little vacuum cartoons.
Aaron and Matt are already on the account,
and they are for real superstars
who actually know what they are doing.
I'm not trying to save the day.
Oh, I just... I just bet you weren't.
And Gary really does believe in me.
You're not special!
Okay?
We've all been there before.
Enjoy it while it lasts.
Kit, is something wrong?
That's quite a lot of food for a 30-minute
road trip you got going on in here.
You're gonna be thanking mewhen we're
30 minutes in the middle of nowhere
- and all you want are some Bugles.
- Okay.
- Let's see what we got.
- Oh.
Wait. I love this song!
You take me all the way there
Flying us in on wing and a prayer
And once we were worlds apart
But hey, that's just how it starts
You take me the all the way there
All the way
- That was impressive.
- Oh.
Thank you for driving.
I know that you don't want to be here.
What? No, I-I-I wanna be here.
I'm... I'm happy, I'm... I'm excited.
I'm pumped.
I'm getting hay.
- Hay!
- Hay!
Hay, hay, hay.
- Question.
- Yes.
Am I pretty enough
to be sexually harassed?
What? What, no, who... who...
who are you talking about?
My boss, Gary.
He's older, but in that sort of
old-fashioned way,
where they like to open doors for you
and smell your hair.
Um, no, that's... that's not okay.
- That's not okay at all.
- But Crystal says he does it to everybody.
Oh, my God.
Hmm.
This here is our three-way hay.
Uh, wheat, oats, and barley.
Okay.
Okay, but does it taste good?
You'll have to ask the cows.
Oh. Should we talk to the cows?
We should talk to the cows, I think.
- Are we supposed to load?
- I... you know what?
You don't know?
Have you ever been
in this situation before?
No, this is the first time,
surprisingly enough.
- Okay, well...
- Um, let's see.
- It's not far.
- All right.
One, two, three.
- All right. A little bit...
- Heavy.
Oh, gosh. I have to set it down.
- There's just so much...
- Oh.
Are you really getting a horse?
Um...
Basically.
I think that you're doing
a really good job with the power tools.
Sorry for the wait.
I'll load it for you.
I'm getting really nervous
about this presentation,
because I keep trying to draw vacuums
and every time I do,
I just want to draw rainbow kittens.
Well, yeah, you're human.
But you have until Monday
to come up with something, yeah?
I am going to lock myself in my house,
- because I will have it all to myself...
- Ooh.
...and focus, focus, focus
on drawing vacuums.
What are you guys doing in here?
Honey, what... what is this?
Why... why are you going through my stuff?
I am so sorry, Kit, that we didn't
build you a better playhouse.
Is that what this is?
- Ask her.
- Is that what you're building?
The thing outside with the guy and...
Are you building another place?
Are you building a better place?
- For...
- For your...
For your... imaginary friend?
No! I don't have an imaginary friend.
- Ask her again.
- It's totally fine.
It's nothing.It's private.
Honey, I'm holding some hay.
Get out! Get out of my space!
- That hurts.
- All right.
Well, I'm hearing stuff from her now.
- Are you hearing things?
- Yes, her... she's attacking.
I understand, but I think
we need to honor that.
So, please go.
We will give you your space,
but we're gonna...
we're gonna talk about this on Monday.
I'm not making an appointment with you
to talk about this.
- No, I'm not.
- You don't need an appointment.
But we'll do it Monday.
- Uh, you want me to leave this open, hun?
- Close it.
I don't know how to be a grown-up,
my parents think that I'm insane,
and I have no idea what Gary is thinking,
except he wants to help me
remove all my layers.
Hmm, hello.
Now you're living life.
What's the next requirement?
I don't know if you're ready
for that one yet.
Of course I'm ready. I'm building a home
worthy of a unicorn.
I've got plenty of hay.
What's left?
What? I got to hang a magic rainbow
on my kitchen or some shit?
"Surround the unicorn with love.
Hatred inyour heart
is like a dagger to hers."
And what do you think about that?
"Surround it with love." I can do that.
That's like hugging, right?
I can totally hug a unicorn.
Maybe you just need
to figure this one out for yourself.
"Caring for your unicorn.
Do you have enough love in your life
for this unicorn?
Do you have
a nurturing family environment?
Will your unicorn live in a happy home
with a well-developed support system?
I don't know Kit, will it?
Yes, it will. What are you implying?
Unicorns need loving vibes.
They're very sensitive
to negative energies in the home.
I don't have negative energies.
I have loving energies,
and this unicorn is gonna love
all of my energies,
and if she doesn't, then she can just
go back to her sad little forest, okay?
Has anyone ever told you
you are a very selfish person?
Huh?
You think everything in this store
is for you?
Well, you kind of said it was.
You think a store
is only customers,
or did it ever occur to you
that maybe, just maybe,
the salespeople on the other side
have their own lives, their own dreams,
their own reasons
for selling the things that they sell?
Jeez Louise!
Having been separated
from her parents,
the runt of the litter
is left to fend for herself.
She wanders
the plains of the Serengeti alone...
...searching for food...
and for her parents...
...unaware that far away,
- her herd is in search of her as well.
- Row! Row!
- Row! Row!
- Woo! Who's feeling good now?
I think that rowing is
you're reaching into the future,
you're pushing away the past.
- Into the future!
- Into the future!
- Push the past!
- Push the past!
Into the future, that's it.
This is where that kale
really comes into play.
We're not going anywhere.
Push that past behind and row.
- Sweetie, you're doing great.
- Row!
Grow! Grow!
- Woo!
- All right!
Guys, you did great.
- Boat's secure. You did great, guys.
- You really did great. Yeah!
I'm proud of you.
- We did it!
- How about this one?
You're amazing!
I'm just glad that we're,
you know, talking, and...
Yeah.
I-I really just want our house
to be a happy one.
- Yes. Yeah.
- We do, too, sweetie.
- Yeah, of course.
- Yeah.
Well, we're happy that you made it.
Yeah! Yeah.
Hey, Kit!
Great job with the canoe.
Yeah, once these tents are up,
we're gonna start the Truth Circle.
Kevin's challenging himself
to do the tent by himself today.
- Kev!
- That looks kind of dangerous.
- I don't want him to get hurt. Kev!
- Uh-oh.
Hang on.
LPI. LPI. Remember our tools?
You ready for Truth Circle?
Yeah, what is Truth Circle, exactly?
In my opinion, Truth Circle is bullshit,
is what it is.
Yeah, try to cry a lot
or they think you're blocking
and you'll have to go hiking
with your own spirit-self or some shit.
- Why did you guys have to come here?
- Whatever.
I swear I didn't know I was pregnant.
Oh, shit.
She's totally kidding.
We just make stuff up,
like, for Truth Circle. We lie.
- Oh.
- Yeah. They'll believe anything.
My psycho parents hate me.
They just... grabbed all my tube tops.
And they're all, like,
"We're burning these up."
Just burning them up
like that campfire right there.
Wow.
How did that make you feel?
Oh, my God, like, so sad
for all my tube tops.
- That's a great share.
- Yeah, good share.
Good share.
Thank you.
Maybe I just like to draw pictures.
Maybe I just like knives.
Maybe I just like
to draw pictures of knives.
It doesn't mean I'm gonna do anything...
to my algebra teacher.
- Do you...
- That's...
That's right, it doesn't mean that.
Mm-hmm.
And then, uh, my parents bought a dog.
And, uh, at first I thought it was cute,
and then they took it
on a Disney vacation...
Mm-hmm.
Without me.
- Oh.
- Oh.
Do my parents like my dog
more than they like me?
That's totally valid, Kev.
You're asking the right questions.
How about you, Kit?
Feel like you want to try sharing?
Mmm, no, thank you.
Please.
Kevin justshared
and he feels a lot better. Right, Kev?
Yeah.
So...
- Do you want me to tell the truth?
- Yeah, I mean...
Yeah.
What's... whatever is really
going on with you.
It's scary. Like, you know,
the canoing was scary, but...
- Mm-hmm.
- After that, just let it flow.
- Yeah, let it go.
- Let it go.
Okay.
Growing up, I never had a pet.
- That's bullshit!
- Totally valid, Spencer.
But it's... it's Kit's share.
And there's only so much time you can
spend talking to your stuffed animals
before you start to want more.
To want love.
But not the regular kind of love
that fades, or changes, or goes away.
That special kind of love.
Unconditional love.
I'm a grown-up now.
And I've made a decision.
Okay.
I'm getting a unicorn.
What?
What? Uh...
I'm getting a pet unicorn.
I guess it's not really a pet,
because unicorns are independent creatures
full of mystery and wonder,
but I'm getting a unicorn friend.
Oh, hell no.
Gene?
Um, Kit...
I don't want you to worry about this,
because this is nothing that you're gonna
have to handle or take care of.
I'm gonna gonna take care of everything.
The unicorn is gonna live quietly
in the backyard with me.
- Quietly?
- Yeah, well...
Gosh, I don't know
if it's really totally quiet.
I didn't really think that much about it
because I'm just really excited.
You both know how much I have wanted this
my entire life,
and it's finally happening, and...
and now that this dream is coming true,
it just makes me think...
what else can happen?
Wow.
Okay, you know, um...
- Maybe...
- Guys, let's...
- Let's take a little moment.
- Yeah.
- Let this all...
- Just...
- You want a family meeting?
- Just a quick one, maybe.
Maybe we'll have a family meeting.
Just, uh, hang in there, guys.
Sit in your truth. Sit in your truth.
Come here.
Honey, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
I'm not doing anything.
I specifically came here
to work on our loving family energies.
Kit, do you think
this is some kind of joke?
No, I don't.
I know that you think
that I'm joking, but...
I really am getting a unicorn,
and I'm gonna love it, and it's gonna be
my best friend in the whole world.
Do you want a best friend?
I will be your best friend.
I don't want you to be my best friend.
This whole thing just sounds a lot weirder
than it actually is.
- Want me to be your best friend?
- No.
- Okay.
- This is...
- This is insane!
- Honey.
This is why I never talk to you
about anything.
There's no need to yell.
Yelling is... is not
an effective way to communicate.
And listen.
We thought you might finally
make a friendship with a person.
We did not know
that we ruined your childhood.
Do you want a puppy?
Should we just get you a puppy?
You know that every one of those kids
was lying?
You sat there so patiently and listened
to all of their stories.
You were falling for every single one
of them. I am your daughter.
- Falling?
- I am telling you the truth.
You know, I'm not mad at you.
I know that I'm just a disappointment.
You are not a disappointment.
You think
you're a disappointment?
Yes. To you, I am a disappointment,
because you're always like,
"Why don't you have a boyfriend?"
"Why don't you eat more vegetables?"
"Why aren't you more like Kevin?"
- Someone call me?
- No!
No, Kev.
We don't want you to be
more like Kevin, all right?
That is not the goal.
We just want you to be happy.
You gotta hand it to Kevin.
He's in the game. He's trying.
- Gene, no, don't go there.
- He's keeping himself busy...
Dad, I am keeping myself just as busy
as Kevin is.
I have a vacuum presentation
that I should be working on right now,
but instead, I've been here with you.
Well, I am sorry
we are not your dream parents.
Okay, honey.
- That's...
- Mom.
Kit.
We know that these kids
are making this stuff up.
You do?
Yeah.
It takes a while and...
sometimes it's...
it's easier than the truth.
Can you understand that?
Mm-hmm.
You know, Britney's father died
of an overdose,
and Karen was abused by a neighbor.
All of these kids, they've got
a pretty sad story
and a pretty good reason
for hiding from who they really are.
Do you?
Oop...
Oh, hello.
Sabrina?
Hey.
I'm good.
I know what I want to do tomorrow.
How much glitter do you have?
Ooh.
You are really late.
Did you bring everything?
I have all the confetti...
Why are you in a costume?
Oh. These are just my clothes.
They're really cool.
- You got this.
- No, you got this!
We got this.
I gotta take this.
Hello?
How did it go
with your family? Was there hugging?
Uh, there was a Truth Circle.
But you worked it out,
right? 'Cause we have your unicorn!
Oh, my God. Is she there? Where is she?
Oh, not quite yet.
I'm waiting on a 397.
What is that?Is that important?
You do not want
this unicorn entering the country
without a 397.
Now, I'll call you when it gets here.
Then, you come right over.
I will.
This is the happiest day of my life!
So, things are good with your parents?
Yes. Well, I mean, they will be.
They're gonna be really proud
when I get this promotion.
Okay, then.
Don't mess it up.
I won't.
- You ready?
- Yes.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
Show time. Let's go.
And so, in conclusion,
I give, to all of America, Mystic Vac.
Cleaning never looked so good.
What woman wouldn't want
to look like this?
Excellent job, Matt, Aaron.
I love the model.
She's sexy, she's aspirational.
Maybe one day I can look like that
when I vacuum.
You can dream.
I mean, she's really got it all.
- She has the baby but she's also cleaning.
- Hello!
- And she...
- Hi.
- And she's...
- Oh.
- Sorry we're late.
- Hello. What is this?
Are we seeing another presentation?
This is, uh, Kit, our temp for now,
but maybe in the future...
I didn't realize you'd have
something ready.
But you told me to.
I'm intrigued, Gary. I mean...
Look at her clothes.
Well, if you really want to hear it...
- Let's hear it.
- Lights!
Mystic, mystic, vac, vac.
Mystic, mystic, vac, vac.
Mystic Vac!
It's in the name,
and whoops, it's all over the floor.
We can clean up all this glitter
in the colors of our choice...
in pink, blue, and multi-color.
Look at them magically vacuum away.
Are these fairies cleaning your house,
or just regular people?
Behold the whimsical land
where Mystic Vac vacuums surely are born.
In your mystical...
magical...
dreams!
Aah!
Woo! Yeah!
The end!
Any questions?
Why are you wearing the vacuum?
Oh. It's an invention I came up with.
They're called backpacks.
Does itread a little childish?
Uh, the whole magical rainbow-ness
of it all?
Hmm.
Well, every person alive has a dream.
Everybody needs some magic in their lives,
even if they're all grown up.
So, there wouldn't be a sexy woman
vacuuming a house.
As I mentioned, Angie,
Kit's just a temp, so...
Well, this is not a vacuum for your house.
This is a vacuum for your soul.
Look around you!
I see my problems,
and they're all over the floor.
And a little bit on your conference table.
But I-I really wish that I could
just vacuum them up, you know?
Especially with a vacuumthat has
30% more power than the leading brand.
So, imagine that these are my problems,
this is my career and my... my parents,
um...
and... and, uh...
and...
Sabrina?
What would you like to vacuum up
in a vacuum that is powerful
and also attractive?
Uh...
Just... I'll say my parents, too.
Um...
Actually...
Um...
I'll say fear.
Because I've always had a dream
where I could open my own Etsy shop,
and I would make jewelry
shaped like little food.
Right? Um...
I'm just really scared, so...
Fear.
Yep. Yep.
Okay, um...
I wish I could vacuum up all the haters.
You know, because a lot of people think
that I'm not smart
because I'm a delivery guy
and 'cause I'm kind of hot, but...
I do crosswords, y'all.
And I read books, so...
Yeah, that's good.
See?
We're all just looking for happiness.
And maybe, if we're lucky,
we can just buy it in a store.
So, what do you think?
I'm really liking the sexy ladyvacuuming.
- You gotta go with the sexy lady.
- I'm just worried about all the rainbows.
In fact, I'm just realizing right now...
I-I-I might hate rainbows.
Oh, my God. Me too. Let's...
Let's just keep this really real
and grounded.
Wait, but you guys do realize that...
Sorry, rainbows are real.
So...
Gary, what about you?
Talk to me more...
about the lingerie.
So you quit or you were fired?
Mmm... it was a little bit of both.
- Oh, no.
- But it's okay.
Because I have other
more meaningful things in my life.
That...
- That's good.
- Mm-hmm.
I mean, who's Gary?
He's just like my professor.
It's these dudes that I just tiptoe around
because I think that they know
so many things.
They don't.
I know things.
And I have a secret, and it's really good.
Are you gonna tell me
what this secret is or what?
No.
Kit!
- I won't tell you.
- Come on. Tell me, please.
- No.
- Please.
No.
Why?
Because you're gonna freak out.
Why would I freak out?
I'm not gonna freak out.
It's not about you.It's about
the other people in this restaurant.
I just can't put that on them.
Are you gonna have to broadcast?
You can tell me. Tell me in a whisper.
You promise you're not gonna freak out?
I swear I will not freak out.
Okay.
What would you say...
if I told you...
that I'm getting a unicorn?
I would say you paid too much for a horse.
Okay.
Okay, but what if I said:
"No, Virgil,
I really am getting a unicorn."
I am!
It's gonna come live in the backyard
in that stable that you're building.
- Okay, what are you saying?
- Ta-da!
No, no, no. What are you saying?
What? I'm saying what I'm saying.
I'm saying that I'm getting a unicorn.
Hello?
This is exciting news.
Okay, I know what you're thinking.
Like, "Meh, unicorns aren't real."
But they are.
And they'll love you forever.
Forever.
Okay.
Um...
Where does this unicorn come from?
- The unicorn store.
- Oh, good. Of course.
I know.
I know. It's this really weird place
with this really weird guy,
and I was skeptical too.
- You guys ready to order?
- I'm sorry. Not even close.
Um...
What weird guy?
The unicorn salesman. He's the one
that gets all the unicorns.
Kit.
What?
Don't be scared.
I wasn't before you said that.
Is something wrong?
This isn't right.
- There are no buttons.
- I know.
Just wait.
You have the right floor?
Yes.
But no.
This isn't it?
No.
No, something's not right, because...
I promise you, I'm not a crazy person.
It was here!
- Oh, yeah, I believe you.
- You do?
Sure. Some shady guy tricked you,
took your money, and skippedtown.
But I didn't give him any money.I just
had to prove that I deserved a unicorn.
Prove it? How? What did you have to do?
Are we in the right building?
This just isn't right.
- What did you have to do, Kit?
- Nothing. Nothing.
I had to just build a stable,
prove that I was financially capable.
You gave a stranger financial information?
No! It's not like that.
Look, you were conned. This guy is trying
to steal your identity or something.
By building an entire unicorn store?
You should've seen this place.
There was an ice cream parlor,
and there was this like
giant screen right here,
and there was a recreational lounge.
What?
If I got a girl,
I was gonna name her Zoe.
Or Beyonc.
Those are good names, Kit.
I'm so stupid.
No, no.
You're not. Look, if this guy
has your information,
let's just call the police.
So you don't believe
that I'm getting a unicorn.
I believe that they made you believe.
Look, you don't have to be embarrassed.
He tricked you.
No. I didn't qualify.
I didn't qualify
because I fought with my parents.
We didn't totally make up,
and now, oh, my God,
they're gonna give the unicorn
to somebody else.
- You think this is about your parents?
- I don't know. I don't know what I think.
I think that there's something wrong
with my brain.
Your brain is fine.
Oh, I'm glad that you think so,
but whatever you were doing
out of pity-slash-obligation,
it's obviously over.
Pity slash obligation? Jesus, Kit.
Give me some credit here.
Did you ever think
that maybe I actually like you?
- No, you're confused.
- You're confused.
Of course I'm confused.
I thought that I was getting
a real live unicorn.
Okay, come on, Kit, I like you,
let me help you figure this out, please?
No... you don't like me.
You don't like anything,
so you're off the hook. Okay?
You don't get to decide
when I'm off the hook.
I decide what I'm off the hook!
Bye, Virgil.
Sweetie.
Okay. All right, okay.
All right.
Come... come sit down, honey.
Are you cleaning up?
Growing up.
I think I understand
why I don't have a boyfriend.
Well, I got you a s'more.
Well, it might not be a s'more anymore,
but it was a s'more.
Kevin made it.
- I don't want something that Kevin made.
- Okay, well...
Listen, you missed something
I really think you would have liked.
What?
He fell in the river.
Kevin fell in the river
with his life vest on.
- No!
- Yes.
- He did?
- Oh, yes.
And he... he screamed like a little child.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
I would have liked to see that.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm. See, I-I know some things
about my daughter.
I went on a date.
Oh!
Mm-hmm.
The carpenter?
Yeah.
But he doesn't think that he's one.
Hmm.
Well, are you gonna go out again?
I don't think so.
I had one of my...
world-famous temper tantrums.
Uh-huh.
So I-I don't think he's going to want
to see me anymore.
Well, that can't be true.
Look how beautiful you are.
Mom!
All right. I just want to say one thing,
and...
you know...
you can just roll your eyes
at my Emotion Quest bullshit.
- No! No!
- I know.
- Listen.
- No, Mom.
I just want to tell you one thing.
And it's something we tell the kids
all the time. Okay?
The most grown-up thing you can do
is fail at things you really care about.
Really? Because I'm really good
at messing things up.
See?
You're a grown-up.
And I love you.
- I love you too.
- Mm-hmm.
And you're gonna be just fine.
You know that?
You have the most important thing
in the whole world right... right here.
Al right, I'm gonna get you some tea.
How about tea, right?
- Yes.
- With a little honey?
- Yes.
- Okay.
Wait, did you just...
Did you just put thoseup?
What?
The...
No. Those have been there for months.
Hi, it's Virgil.
Leave a message.
Hey, Virgil.
It's me again.
I know that I screwed up.
I usually just get in fights
with my Care Bears,
and I don't really have toworry
about their feelings.
Um...
But you're not a Care Bear.
So, just...
I'm sorry.
Again.
Okay, bye.
Stop judging me.
Hey.
Ta-da.
Virgil!
Whoa.
Did you do all of this?
Well, I mean, you did.
I just took it out of the trash
and hung it up.
Your parents helped.
My parents?
Yeah.
I made that.
I made that in my first art class.
I made that one as a kid.
It's a two-horned flying unicorn.
It's my own creation.
Oh, now I see it.
And these are my curtains.
This is incredible.
It's an art show of my life.
Well...
If you were a building,
this is what you'd look like.
That is the nicest thing
a man has ever said to me.
Well...
You made me make this.
And now I can use
a sliding compound miter saw.
Not so bad. Not bad.
Did you quit your job
at the hardware store?
I went by there yesterday.
Oh, no, um...
I transferred to another store
where my extensive saw knowledge
has granted me the coveted position
of assistant store manager.
Virgil!
- Hey!
- Look at you!
- "Virgil."
- Congratulations.
Thank you.
- I guess we should celebrate.
- Yeah, we've gotta celebrate!
- Should we bring chips in here?
- Uh, that sounds good.
- Bugles?
- Yeah, why not?
- Pizza?
- Pizza.
Absolutely.
Oh.
Um...
It's him.
Hello?
Your unicorn is here!
Are you kidding me?
Where were you? I went to the store
and you were gone. Everything was gone.
- Is that the guy? Give me the phone.
- The store is not for him, Kit.
So he's not gonna see it
if he doesn't believe it.
Well, that doesn't make any sense.
Either you're real or you're not.
Do you want the unicorn?
I got a lady on the waiting list.
Um...
I-I don't believe you anymore.
I don't care!
I need an answer.
Really?
You promise that it's there? Um...
Kit, Kit, what are you doing?
Hang up the phone.
- Are you coming or not?
- Um...
Fine.
- Good.
- I'll be there.
Please just don't give it away
before I get there.
- Kit!
- Okay, bye.
- Are you kidding me?
- I know! I know! I know!
I'm stupid, but he says
that the unicorn is there,
it's ready for me.
The unicorn is ready?
Kit, this guy could be dangerous.
But he says that there's another woman
who wants it, too.
And that he's gonna give it to her.
- Kit!
- He's lying, right?
- He's probably lying.
- Yes, he is.
But... I just don't know.
It's really...
I'm confused, and...
I don't want to wonder my whole life.
What happened here?
Oh, hello. It's, um...
We're packing up. Time to relocate.
Kit, he's waiting for you.
He's in there?
Yes! Right through there. Go.
Okay, but what do I say?
Figure it out.
Hi, unicorn.
Mr. Unicorn, I think. Are you a boy?
Oh, wow, you are a lot bigger
than I thought.
Hi.
I'm Kit.
I used to dream about you.
Did you know that?
I thought that a unicorn
lived in my closet, but...
I'm starting to realize
that that doesn't make any sense.
You were my best friend
for a really long time.
I called you Steve.
Steve, the Unicorn.
You would play checkers with me
when no one else would.
You used to push the piece with your horn,
and there was one time you got so mad
that you lost that you...
stabbed a hole in the board.
We just laughed and laughed, 'cause...
Because that's really funny.
I made you a tiny hat.
Oh, thank you.
Is it okay that I'm hugging you?
Thank you.
Thank you forever.
I'm okay now.
The Salesman says that there's a lady
who needs you more than me.
So you're gonna be her friend.
You're gonna be her best friend.
And you're gonna play checkers with her
whenever she wants.
And don't let her go searching for people
that can't see who she really is.
You are gonna be there for her.
You're gonna listen to her secrets.
And she's gonna listen to yours.
You're gonna love her...
exactly how she is.
Even when she thinks that there is nobody
who could love her in the whole world.
Bye-bye.
Did you really ride up here
in the elevator?
Is this the right place?
I found this letter on my desk.
Made a wish when we were young
Holy shit.
Chasing after our desires
I know.
Nothing at all would do
For a girl like you
For a girl like you
Trying to fill this world with wonder
Wind and water, earth and fire
There's all this magic too
For a girl like you
For a girl like you
Wishes do come true
For a girl like you
Yeah, a girl like you
Follow you heart
It only tells the truth
Ask you to start
That's all you have to do
Only you
Only you
Hold the world and make it move
Only you
Only you
You
Some get trapped inside their bottles
Some stay wrapped in their cocoons
But waiting there won't do
For a girl like you
For a girl like you
Because you want the light above you
Day and night, and sun and moon
Wish on your bright star soon
It could all come true
For a girl like you
Make it all will do
For a girl like you
For a girl like you
You're on that peak
So come take in the view
Watch with your heart
That's all you have to do
Only you
Only you
Hold the world and make it move
Only you
Only you
You
You
Hold the world and make it move
You
Hold the world and make it move
You
Hold the world and make it move
You
Hold the world and make it move
I stay up into the night
With an eye to the sky
Looking up at the ceiling
And I can't fight this feeling
You take me all the way there
Flying us in on a wing and a prayer
And once we were worlds apart
Hey, that's just how it starts
You take me all the way there
All the way
And once we were worlds apart
Hey, that's just how it starts
You take me all the way there
All the way
You take me all the way
You take me all the way
All the way
You take me all the way
You take me all the way
All the way
You take me all the way
You take me all the way
You take me all the way there
All the way
You take me all the way
You take me all the way
All the way